#Point is. You know I love me a funny scenario and this scenario is hysterical. At least to me.

[moongothic]

While I do believe it's likely the reason Dragon never contacted Croc after The Divorce was because things didn't go As Intended (/shit just went Bad) (or they kept their distance for security reasons, not wanting to risk being found out etc)

There is that Funny Alternative that the reason Dragon never contacted Crocodile and warned him about their son having become a pirate with a bounty and having entered the Grand Line, was because Dragon just assumed Crocodile would be able to recognize Luffy right away because "they're so similar" and that it'd be "a nice surprise" if they ran into each other

[meanbossart]

do you have any thoughts on cazador as a character? personally i really loved the parallels between him and astarion & the way that the master/spawn relationship is used as an allegory for cyclical abuse. the scene with cazador’s master’s skull where you find out that he was once victimized in the exact same way that he later victimized astarion was really a lightbulb moment for me re: what vampirism represents in this game.

BOY DO I, i don't think much of it hasn't already been said, though. He's a tragic character in his own right of course, not that that takes away from the awful man he is.

Me and my boyfriend make fun of him a lot, we call him "the best BG3 character" as a little inside joke between us and come up with ridiculous scenarios of things that might have occurred throughout those 200 miserable years the spawn had under his command lol. Maybe he had a month where he was really specific about the shoes everyone wore, maybe once every other decade he had a weird week where he tried to be "nice" only to become frustrated when his efforts weren't immediately met in kind by the rightfully-terrified spawn, maybe between all the torture and horrific-ness he just did some plain weird shit like making someone crouch by in his fainting couch and wait by open-handed for grapes that he dramatically chewed on and then spat right out since he can't actually eat them lmao

And that's hysterical but I think we also started doing that because when you meet Cazador, when you first hear his voice and see his demeanor in person your immediate reaction is probably somewhere along the lines of "THIS is the clown you were so scared of, Astarion?"

And the answer is, of course, yes. This embarrassing little man stuck in a cage of his making instills fear beyond comprehension in Astarion and all his siblings. This man who undoubtedly showed all these spawn, inadvertently, the strangest, most arguably "human" aspects of himself at some point or another during these two centuries they had together is also an absolute monster. And i really like that! I think its far more effective and fitting for his story than if he was, lets say, a Ketheric type.

(this got very long so, more under the cut)

Look at Ascended Astarion in the epilogue now, for example. Everyone agrees that he's an absolute fucking dork - and I think we all also agree that he will go on to destroy the lives of many people beyond repair, especially his own, until the day he is killed.

In the topic of vampirism as an allegory for abuse, I both agree and also don't, at least not exactly - i just think it's deeper than that. I've spoken about this in another post but i find it incredibly refreshing how, to me, it seems like Baldur's Gate 3 has no interest in painting vampirism as sexy or fun past a surface level. It's a curse that nobody asks for unless put in a situation where they feel as if they have no other way out, and it shapes and haunts you for the rest of your undead existence.

Even if you enjoy its benefits at first, that has a time limit. You will see your family and loved ones die, you will see culture evolve while you stay perpetually the same. You will experience so much hurt and pain because the only thing that makes life truly sweet is knowing that it is finite, and eventually it will wear down all of your humanity. And since you can't die unless you are scorched by the sun, staked, or dismembered, you must live with the knowledge that you will never have a peaceful death - and since you won't have a peaceful death, you better not die - and if you don't want to die, you better not be weak - and if you don't want to be weak, you must seek out power at all cost and slash things like love and friendship out of your life.

And what is funny, is that in his attempt to be more like a mortal - to eat, drink, walk the sun, such incredibly simple desires - Cazador (and Astarion, if he ascends) is accidentally only drawing further away from the person he supposedly once was, because that fear of weakness has already utterly corrupted his soul.

That's quite a grim way to look at it, of course. But I genuinely think that it is the natural conclusion of something like immortality.

That's why I quite like that, even after Astarion has found happiness, even after he finds his peace, he still doesn't exactly embrace being a vampire - because It's not something he should be expected to embrace. I think it's a very unique take on the trope.

I also want to leave here this message written by his character writer, which really got me thinking about him on a deeper level since i saw it months ago. It is specifically about the sexual aspect, but I think it branches beyond it too, when you think about it.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

Teen!reader get into a detention for this meme:

Teen!Rader: I got detention

RoR characters: What happen?

Teen!Reader: The teacher point at ruler infront of the entire class and said," There is an idiot at the end of this ruler."

RoR:Then the teacher gave you detention?

Teen!Reader:...No, I got into trouble for asking, "Which end?"

How will they react? Cause, I keep imagine this scenario in my head 😅😅

Love this, it's so witty and funny.

-Thor- Couldn’t help the smallest of grins from appearing as he lifted a hand, ruffling your hair, not upset in the slightest at you. However, your teacher was going to learn that they should respect others, especially one his precious kin.

-Lu Bu- His grin was almost instant, a dark chuckle leaving him as he cracked his knuckles, “So where’s this teacher of yours? I’m gonna help get you out of detention since they wanted to disrespect you.”

-Zeus- He stroked his beard, looking amused as he chuckled for a moment before he spoke, “Very clever of you, Y/N, but I think I’m going to go have a word with this teacher. If they’re going to hand out punishments because they made a fool of themselves on their own, I should return the favor.”

-Adam- He ruffled your hair lightly, “You shouldn’t be rude to your teachers, but you’re off the hook with me, since they were rude to you first.”

-Poseidon- You see his lips purse just for a moment, like he’s trying to smile before he tells you to wait outside for him. You learn the next day that he flooded the whole school for the disrespect the faculty gave you.

-Kojiro- He chuckled warmly, patting your head, “Teachers can be harsh, but to be cruel like that, that’s not right. C’mon, I’ll get you some ice cream.”

-Hercules- He’s not smiling. He’s not smiling. He’s not- he’s smiling- a snort of laughter leaving him before he laughs out loud, holding his belly by your clever comeback.

-Jack- Instantly went to confront the teacher, demanding to know if they tried to insult you. Once you were off the hook, her ruffled your head, “Witty smart alack!” which made you giggle.

-Shiva- Oh hell no! Nobody is gonna treat his baby like that and get away from it! Your teacher was quick to learn fear and quick to learn that if they wanted to be rude, there would be consequences. Once you left, he had to pause to sit down after he started laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.

-Raiden- Is quickly going to be on the ground, twitching from laughing so hard, hearing how easily you turned the teacher’s words on them.

-Buddha- Twitching on the ground part 2, he is crying from laughing so hard, finding it hysterical before he praised you and gave you a lollipop.

-Hades- Another scary guardian who put the fear of Hades himself into your teacher, getting a quick and harsh lesson in respect but he was proud of you for standing up for yourself.

-Qin Shi Huang- He’s chuckling first, then laughing, then crying, then laughing so hard there is no sound coming out from him until he started to gasp, holding his sides from the pain from laughing so hard.

-Beelzebub- His lips struggle to remain still but you quickly see a smile as he chuckles softly, praising you for you wit and quick response.

-Tesla- Frowns at first when he heard that you had gotten detention, but once he learns what the teacher had said to you, and what you said in response, you were off the hook, your teacher wasn’t so lucky, as he went in, demanding a meeting with the teacher and the principal, showing why, as a genius himself, that education should be treated seriously, and teachers shouldn’t be talking to students like that.

[theplottdump]

Any tips for making a legacy, for lack of a better term, weirder? I've worked pretty much every occult possible into the family tree but I feel like I get too focused on just maintaining needs and normal daily family life for them, especially since I prefer to keep everyone more or less happy (i.e. no tragic early deaths). The most exciting things I've really done are turn one sim into a Global Superstar and marry off another one to the Grim Reaper, and sometimes I pause aging for a bit to spend more time on certain plots. Your legacy is obviously pretty wild so I wondered how you go about coming up with ideas like Michael Bublé Christmas Getaways and Charlie's Angels Spy Squads haha

This is a great question!! Let me see if I can dig up a good enough answer for it 😂

And I'll include pictures to break up the massive wall of text.

The reason Gens 1-3 are barely mentioned on here is because in reality there wasn't really anything interesting that happened in them. I wanted to hide away from the stress of a worldwide pandemic and watch my sims garden for a while. No real rules, just something to relax.

Gen 4 was a slight departure since I was getting a little tired of my sims doing the same thing over and over, and I decided to do the opposite and move them to a penthouse in the city as a refreshing change.

And as I started playing with more gameplay mods that added extra moodlets- the chance of hysterical death rose exponentially. My Gen 4 heir died when my Gen 5 heir, Hinoki was just a kid. So I decided to keep him around as a ghost while my Gen 3 heir worked on grinding out the ingredients for Ambrosia and Reed (Gen 4) continued to follow his political aspirations to become the first Ghost President of Simerica.

And this is where we find the nexus point of weird. And here's the biggest (not so secret) secret to it. The beginning of Gen 5 is when I started actually sharing my gameplay.

Not publicly, but with a small group of friends and simmers on a discord, like I've mentioned before here. Suddenly I wasn't just playing for myself, I was very slowly starting to play to make my friends laugh- to see how they reacted whenever I would leave little updates. And I found I really enjoyed that!

I started contriving little scenarios- what if Hinoki slept with her husband's band mate and had a secret child. And then someone would pop in and say she might have to run away for a while to Tartosa to have a baby. This independent toddler trait gives baby Val such a stink face- oh you should put him in a tiny leopard print robe to match. And it became this back and forth of - you know what would be funny?

I was started going off the rule from my friend @anotherplumbob that my first born would be the heir, so i had the fun task of figuring out how to get from point A to point B with Valerian, and what the hell point B even looked like.

We knew he was evil- he killed his dad as a toddler, and was just a full creep through his entire childhood- and so I started asking, what story do I want to tell my friends? I love romcoms, I love spy movies- what would be fun for me?

We're all influenced by our environments, the art, media, and music we consume, and that's all directly reflected into what we decide to put back out into the world.

And through exploring those characters, through playing the game, through my friends throwing the weirdest suggestions at me - what if he made a robot copy of his childhood Nanny? Okay, what mods can I use to reflect that in my gameplay? - What if he 3D printed a baby? - What if the Volcano gave them another baby? (this one is never happening shooby) - The whole thing spiraled out of control 😂

SO TDLR- How can you make your legacy weirder?

Find a community or even a couple trusted friends to bounce ideas off of. The amount of time I've spent conniving and scheming with @doctorsimcraft should honestly be studied. Write for yourself and like the 4 people you care most about. Enthusiasm is infectious. Find some good gameplay mods to add color to your gameplay- More Personality Please is an absolute game changer. Wicked Whims and Lumpinou's RPO are also fantastic additions if that's your style. Hopefully the game throws you some fun curveballs. Adversity and conflict breed interesting story - or something like that. Think about the types of stories that you would be excited to tell- really lean into your favorite tropes and themes. It's not a checklist, it's just like - I really love campy spies, I really love enemies to lovers - what do I do in game to make this happen. Find your story and let drive your gameplay- not the other way around. Or find a good balance and see what happens.

And to be honest I've very much lost that balance and fallen into a total rut of letting the story overtake the gameplay. So whenever I get too overwhelmed by my stupid large ambitions I just sit down and play and see where the game takes me.

I hope I can get back to not posing every single scene out for Gen 7 but I also love making poses, and breaking my game in every way to be able to tell the stories I want to!

It's why I'm so comically slow now. But I guess that just means we get to spend more time getting to know our characters, which I do genuinely enjoy.

I don't know if that was helpful or incredibly unhelpful- but it's what I got. Good luck! And above all have fun- in whatever shape that may take. (Hopefully it's a weird one)

xo, Anne

[lunerna21]

***I'm going to apologize now this is probably a long post but I just need to vent about this masterpiece of an event!***

I can full heartedly say Glorious Masquerade is giving me life again 😌

JUST EVERYONE BEING SUPER FUNNY AND NICE TO THE MC BUT I CANNOT STOP GUSHING ABOUT EVERYTHING INVOLVING THIS EVENT!!

FIRST OF ALL, I LOVE HOW MUCH OF A SWEETHEART DEUCE IS TO US!

DEUCE SPADE IS SOMEONE EVERYONE NEEDS IN THEIR LIFE HE IS JUST ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE AND I LOVE LOVE LOVEEE HIM

*cough* *cough* Unlike ANOTHER person who is a cheeky asshole who should learn from Deuce (I’m kidding I love you too Ace you stupid bastard)

The Grim and Malleus banter back and forth is fucking hysterical from us freaking out about not knowing who Malleus was previously to messing around ITS SO GODDAMN PERFECT

AND MALLEUS BEING SO INTERESTED IN SPENDING TIME WITH US LIKE ALCHENFIENDJ I LOVE YOU MALLEUS!!

(And Grim being protective of us 🥹❤️)

And Idia trying to convince Grim to sit in his lap 😂👏🏻

SEBEK ASKING AZUL TO SIT IN HIS LAP SO HE CAN BE CLOSE TO WAKA SAMA!? CRYING AT HOW SERIOUS SEBEK WAS!

I’d like to imagine we were sandwiched between Rollo and Malleus MY GOD THE TENSION BETWEEN THEM WOULD IGNITE THE WHOLE TOWN

Also, was anyone else crying and cringing deep DEEP inside when they keep saying so many good things about “The Righteous Judge”!?!

LIKE I WAS SEETHING AT THE FACT THAT EVERYONE COMPLIMENTED HIM AND KEPT GIVING HIM PRAISE

LIKE NO GRIM YOU ARE MORE GALLANT THAN THAT CREEPY OLD MAN PLEASE DON'T SAY THAT

IF ONLY THEY KNOW WHAT THAT MAN HAD DONE I HATE HOW OFTEN THEY COMPLIMENT HIM I JUST WANNA LAUNCH MYSELF THROUGH THE GAME AND DESTROY THAT DAMN STATUE

......But at least they're giving tons of lore, easter eggs and praise for both Esmeralda and Quasimodo (BECAUSE YOU KNOW THEY ACTUALLY DESERVE IT)

But Rollo just trying to convince us that there shouldn't be magic or mages....

…..Rollo honey noooooo that’s not how I see it

I mean yes, we’ve been through so much goddamn shit with the overblotters (CROWLEY AND ALSO ADEUCE ALONG WITH GRIM, I LOVE YOU GUYS BUT LIKE WTF) but to the point of subjugating people to potentially lose their magic permanently?!

Something they’ve probably worked hard for? Nah, that’s not okay

I would love to learn more about magic anything beats the curriculum in schools here in the US

THEN SEEING HOW MALLEUS ALMOST PASSED OUT FROM THE FIRELOTUSES!? THAT HAD ME REELING LIKE MALLEUS DRACONIA HIMSELF!? LEAVE THAT MAN ALONE!!

YASSSSS SILVER AND SEBEK! YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING!! MALLEUS HAS THE BEST GUARDS

BUT ONE FUCKING PART HAD ME ON MY KNEES READY TO FIGHT ROLLO!!

CARD SOLDIER!? CARD SOLDIERRRRR!?!

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN

MY BOI IS BECOMING A MAN AND I CAN'T STOP BEING HAPPY FOR HIM EVEN THOUGH HE'S IN THE MIDST OF DANGER

…But anyway I’m getting psyched to see the last two parts cause this event is FULFILLING MY HAPPINESS ITS TOO MUCH

And Malleus Draconia….My sweetheart…❤️❤️❤️

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH HE IS JUST TOO MUCH I LOVE THIS MAN!!! ❤️❤️❤️

I cannot wait for the next part of the event, IM DYING TO SEE JAMIL AND RUGGIE BOND OVER USING OTHERS TO KEEP THEMSELVES SAFE!!

Now let me go daydream scenarios with all these lovable people while I wait for the next part, AND FINALLY WATCH THE FIRST PART OF STAGE IN PLAYFUL LAND! (ACE TRAPPOLA I NEED TO SEE YOUR SPOTLIGHT)

Enjoy the rest of your day, everyone~~~!!!❤️

[robertphilip]

do either of them get jealous??

ough,,, how did you know I think about this all the time ?

so, I don't think that either of them are that jealous because, well, soulmates and True Love and all that buuuuut

Giselle was raised by animals, okay, she's allowed to be a little territorial, it just comes with dating a feral woman, okay !!! and Robert, he's an attractive man, women are going to inevitably hit on him, and Giselle is just simply not going to like that. like, why are you looking at her man's arms? those are her arms to admire, not yours 😠

Giselle isn't rude, though, she never, like, tells anyone off, but if she sees a woman being flirty from a distance, she'll definitely come up, and start hanging all over Robert, which leaves him confused because, "Giselle, I'm talking to someone-" "Yes, I know, keep talking *places her hand on his ass* 😇"

I actually came up with two scenarios, one I've written, and one that's just in my head. The one I wrote was them at a bookstore, and Giselle noticed this woman kept touching Robert's shoulder/arm, and laughing, which bugged her. After they walk away, she makes Robert roll his sleeves down, and he's like, "it's hot??" and rolls them back up, which bugs her more, and she finally expresses being jealous (and also feeling guilty about it because that woman wasn't doing anything wrong) and Robert thinks it's hysterical.

In fact, ykw, here's a tiny snippet from that wip, for you 🫡

“Jealously isn’t bad, Giselle. You’re allowed to be upset she… touched my arm.” He laughed again, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug. “I’m sorry, I really am trying not to laugh.” “I do not believe you.” She grumbled, pressing her face against his neck. “I think you are taking far too much pleasure in this, actually. Another reason I did not want to tell you.” “No, no. I’m— There’s nothing funny about it.” He cleared his throat again, a grin still on his face. “In fact, I think your solution, hiding my arms, was a very smart move. I’m sure my exposed wrists are what really got her interested.” “Oh, hush.”

The other scenario, which I haven't written, was about a woman in his office. Sam tells Giselle, "She flirts with him every day." and she's like, "Oh, really?" later that night, she and Robert have some Fun™️ and he comes to work the next day covered in hickies, and Sam says, "ah... I see she's marked her territory." and Robert grumbles out a, "shut up."

now, Robert, I don't think he gets jealous at all, and I think he actually finds it hilarious when men try to flirt with Giselle because she just. Does Not get it. He'll see a man basically pressed up against her, invading her personal space like crazy, and Giselle will just be like "🙂😁😄🙂" and then later, when he points it out, she laughs and says, "he was just being nice !! he was telling me about (x) !!!! he was not flirting !!!" and Robert tells her, "he gave you his phone number, and said he'd love to have dinner some time. which I hope you said no, btw" and she - "I did not say no, but I did ask if I could bring you along, and then he told me nevermind, and I- Oh.. Wait ☝🏻🤨" and Robert can't help but smile, and say, "I really love you, you know that?"

Real world flirting just does not compute with her. Nancy told her that Robert's magic trick could count as being flirty, and now that's what Giselle thinks of. So, unless a man is doing magic tricks for her, she's not going to catch on right away.

But anywho, yeah, overall neither of them are that jealous, but Giselle is certainly the more jealous one of the duo, and prone to, well, marking her territory~

[bisluthq]

Taylor consistently bullshitting about how many people she's dated/being single is genuinely hysterical to me. Obviously the like 2013-2014 is very much up to question, because MOST of the dude’s she supposedly "dated" around that time she either

1) wasn't pictured with

2) WAS pictured with, but have no legit reason to be SURE they dated

HOWEVER, 2008-2009 is a whole other story. After she broke up with Joe J, she was very insistent that she was single, and specifically said she didn't think it would be fair to another guy to just date him for the sake of her not feeling lonely anymore. Not only did she then proceed to write the song Haunted, where she depicts just that (and also Superman, though that situation was a tad different since she wasn't getting over an ex but was instead pining for that weird man who she, at that point, had not dated), she also wrote Drama Queen and was pictured with Martin Johnson IMMEDIATELY after she and Joe broke up.

Those like 4 pictures of them together where they look *friendly were all dated as being from September (apparently). So like... the reasonable conclusion is that they WERE dating, right? By some definition of the word, they were. Obviously the timeline with MJ is fishy, bit we KNOW they dated at some point, and we also KNOW that the for most of the time they were speculated to have dated earlier that year Martin was touring. So either Ashley Tisdale randomly lied about them dating, Taylor was lying about being single, or Taylor has a SUPER odd definition of being single (likely).

Tbf, I lean towards the scenario where they were probably just fucking. It was evidently not all that serious considering that, again, according to Ashley Tisdale, Taylor wrote nothing about him (including Love Story, which fwiw I buy. Out of the dude’s we know about I lean towards Stephen, but it could just have easily been some rando). Yet, he hung around for a while.

They wrote at least 4 songs together: one in Feb 08, one in Sep 08, and then two around March/April 09. Out of those songs, two of them were almost definitely about Joe Jonas (Drama Queen and If This Was A Movie). Personally, if I had pursued something at all serious with a girl, I'd definitely feel a little pissy about writing songs with her about the dude she CLEARLY liked more than me. The whole thing only really males sense if you assume they were fucking and not much else, though I guess that conflicts with her whole "me being pregnant would be COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE" thing that was going on around that time.

And that's not even the worst of it. From like May-September (bear in mind we KNOW she was going out with Lucas in May since he was at her concert and he later confirmed they dated) she INSISTED that she was not only single, but had ZERO option for any kind of boyfriend, or even like half a boyfriend. AT. THE. SAME. TIME. she was publicly flirting with John Mayer, Adam Young, and arguably, Martin over Twitter, whilst simultaneously feeding into the Taylor Launter thing (though her comments do make me think she and him didn't start "dating" until October).

In conclusion, girl is MESSY, always has been, likely always will be, and I find it endlessly entertaining, and would find it even more entertaining if she admitted to it outside her songs.

agree but “me being pregnant would be COMPLETELY IMPOSSIBLE” was when she was with Joe J actually - that’s one of the reasons Gaylors use it as “proof” because she “had a boyfriend” but said it was impossible for her to be pregnant. But it was impossible with Joe J lol. Because of how he wouldn’t do PIV. His semen would have had to like apparate in order to impregnate her.

I also think Love Story prob is about Martin by the dates etc but I don’t think she necessarily told people that just randomly so I get why Ash thought there weren’t any songs.

Overall though yes you’re right and it is funny but also like I do understand her on some of this because (as you say she has a wack ass definition of being single idk) and also some/most of these things legit weren’t that serious so idk why you’d tell the whole world about your “boyfriend” when it’s actually a dude you hang out with and hook up with and you both talk to other people and stuff lol. And I think that’s why she doesn’t admit outside her songs because normal people can read between the lines and very weird people are very weird about how relationships work.

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched this Week #135 (Year 3/Week 31):

First watch: The MGM classic Christmas musical Meet me in St. Louis. Delightful all the way, with Judy Garland and the wonderful child actress Margaret O'Brien (Photo Above) as Tootie. 1950's Nostalgia for an idealized middle class world.

🍿

Journey to Italy, my (first?) by Roberto Rossellini. A devastating, compassionate study in a dissolution of a marriage, with a story line reminiscent of James Joyce's melancholic novella 'The dead'. 9/10.

🍿

A second chance, another of the half a dozen Danish collaborations between director Susanne Bier and screenwriter Anders Thomas Jensen. And again with the music by Swedish composer Johan Söderqvist, which builds up as much to the mood. A hard story of drug abuse, baby abuse and mental disorders that lead to suicide.

/Female /

🍿

Joyride, the new raunchy Asian-American girlfriends road-trip in China comedy. Gross out and hilarious for the most parts, with some sit-com deliveries and tropes. The Hangover + Bridesmaids, with an all-female crew. 7/10.

Also with 'Palm Springs' "Misty" as a hysterically funny drug smuggler on the train!

/ Female /

🍿

Like Alfonso Cuarón’s Mexican 'Roma', Sebastián Silva's Chilean 'The Maid', and other South American dramas of recent decades, The Second Mother by Brazilian Anna Muylaert tells of a live-in domestic worker who dedicates her life to the well-fare of her affluent employers. Then her daughter who she hadn't seen in 10 years arrives, like 'a magical visitor' and upends the stable household. Power relationship between classes and families. 6/10.

/female/

🍿

The U.S. and the Holocaust, the most recent Ken Burns PBS documentary. Another sober and harrowing 7 hour series, narrated again by Peter Coyote, and featuring Timothy Snyder and Deborah Lipstadt. Another deep dive into America's relationship with race and immigration, genocide, xenophobia, antisemitism and isolationism. 9/10.

🍿

When I was 13, the greatest comic I knew was Louis de Funès. After seeing a lovely clip from Le grand restaurant, I decided to re-visit the comedy, but unfortunately, this clip was the best - and only - funny scene there. 2/10.

🍿

There's diminishing returns with watching too many of Hong Sang-soo's naval-gazing art films. The early (2008) Like you know it all is my 11th, and my least-favorite film by him. Mostly because the protagonist, who stands in for for the director himself, is a young, unpleasant cad, a small-time film director adored by small groups of film students, who floats from one situation to another, and always ends up sleeping with his friends wives. The constant smoking, so much smoking, and getting drunk, doesn't help. 3/10.

🍿

One Cut of the Dead, my 9th 'One shot movie' (*), or as the Japanese director calls it 'One Katto!". A strange independent Zombie comedy, made for $25,000, which ended up making box office history by earning over a thousand times its budget. The first act was actually the only one done without a cut (Like Bi Gun's ‘Long day’s journey into night’!), and the 3rd act was a recreation of that shot, a-la-Truffaut's 'La Nuit américaine'. Funny and inventive. 6/10.

(*) After ‘Rope’, ‘Russian arc’, ‘Lost in London’, ‘Birdman’, ‘1917′, ‘Boiling Point’, 'Victoria' and ‘Beyond the Infinite Two Minutes’.

🍿

4 Shorts, two of which were Oscar-nominated in 2016:

🍿 The winner, Sing, is an Hungarian story of a 10-year-old girl in 1990 Budapest, who joins the school choir at her new school. 10/10 - The sweetest film of the week!

🍿 Joe’s violin was a simple, emotional documentary about an old holocaust survivor who donates his 70-year old violin to a school program, where it ends with a 12-year-old Bronx girl.

/ Female /

🍿 ...And Dimensions of dialogue, my second by surrealist Czech crazy man Jan Švankmajer (After 'Alice'). One of Terry Gilliam's best animated movies of all time, a disturbing 1983 claymation nightmare, comprising of 3 short scenarios, including THIS disgusting parable.

🍿 Tender Game, my first independent animation by blacklisted, 3-times Oscar-winners John and Faith Hubley. (He led the Disney's animator strike of 1941 and was denounced by the HUAC). A lovely 1958 short with music by Ella Fitzgerald and Oscar Peterson.

🍿

The Sweet Hereafter, my first by Atom Egoyan. A tragic story full of pains; a bus accident that kills score of kids in a small Canadian town, and tears the community apart, a father who can't help his drug-addicted daughter, another father who sexually abuses his daughter. Also, an ambulance-chasing lawyer as the main character. Too much suffering for me. 5/10.

🍿

2 Judd Apatow productions:

🍿 Honestly, I was bored with the more serious fair, and had to fall back on the old favorite, Superbad. The raunchy humor tries to cover the tender love story between Seth and Evan. The wild and crazy shenanigans by the police duo provided the least authentic action and took away from the core of the story. But it was McLovin's adventures that made the movie what it became. And Emma Stone's Jules.

"These eyes are crying ... for you..."

🍿 Pee-wee's Big Holiday, his 3rd adventure story, was similar to his initial 'Big Adventure' from 30 years earlier, but lighter and less original. His infantile, a-sexual PG-man-child personality, mixed with the 1950's small town innocence, but added to an explicit bromance with the motorbike hunk. With Tom Smykowski as Diner Dan, and one good joke of playing the balloon. 4/10.

"Would you like to say a few words, Pee Wee?...

Mmm sure… Encyclopaedia, pimple and eh, hairball. Amen!"

🍿 Also, a public Service announcement from Steve Martin and Paul Reubens: "Plutonium is the main ingredient in Atom Bombs. Keep it down Behind the counter - away from terrorists".

RIP, Paul Reubens!

🍿

So bad I couldn't finish it: The new, bland 'satire' Corner office. Jon Hamm should have been a mega-star after 'Mad Men', but he's been picking his projects very poorly. Set in an artificial, sterile 'Severance' world, it's a tiring, boring parable of something, but I'm not sure what.

🍿

Throw-back to the "Art project”:  

Superbad Adora.

🍿  

(My complete movie list is here)

[whereareroo]

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY

WF THOUGHTS (6/16/23).

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?

That's my favorite "dad joke." I've used it hundreds of times. My three children know the answer. I have two grandchildren who are old enough to understand jokes, and they know the answer too. In due time, my younger grandkids will also know the answer. Here's the answer: "Time to get a new fence!" Ain't that hilarious?

This weekend, we celebrate Father's Day. It's the perfect time to think about "dad jokes."

Let me give you my definition of a "dad joke." First of all, it's a joke told by a Dad to his children and grandchildren. It is told incessantly. It is not particularly funny. In fact, the Dad should be embarrassed telling such a goofy joke. He tells the joke, hundreds of times, anyway. Everybody laughs because the whole routine, including the predictably and the repetitiveness, is hysterical. Get it?

In a Mormon newspaper, I recently read about a study regarding the impact of Dads on family life. It concluded that a good Dad has an extremely positive impact on the entire family. That's no surprise. I was surprised to see that the study included an analysis of dad jokes. The study concluded that dad jokes have a positive impact on children.

How do dad jokes have a positive impact on children? The study discussed two positive impacts:

1. Even at a young age, children understand that the Dad should be embarrassed by the joke. He tells the joke, repeatedly, anyway. This teaches children that embarrassment is part of life and that they shouldn't be worried about embarrassment.

2. The children are taught that they need to sit through the joke, hundreds of times, even though they hate it. The routine teaches them tolerance and respect. There's nothing wrong with tolerance or respect.

My Dad was a goofy guy. I don't recall a particular dad joke, but I do remember his favorite poem:

"Listen my children and you shall hear,

Of the midnight ride of Paul Revere,

He got in the car and stepped on the gas,

The bottom fell out and he fell on the grass!!"

We heard that silly poem hundreds of times. Every time, we all laughed. (When we got older, we changed the last two words to "his #ss.")

My Dad had another funny line that he used many, many times. It's a bit of a story. Stick with me.

My maternal Grandmother, who lived in The Bronx, had a beach cottage in Milford, Connecticut. My family lived on Long Island. A few times each summer, my parents would pack me and my five siblings into the car for a trip to Connecticut. It was a two hour drive. The car was cramped. Somebody was always in a foul mood. It was never a pleasant drive. It took forever.

My Grandmother lived on a side street that intersected one of the bigger roads in the neighborhood. The bigger road had one lane in each direction. There was a stop sign at the intersection.

The bigger road was divided by a dotted yellow line. That meant that "passing" was permitted on the road. To keep the intersection safe, the dividing line was solid yellow near the intersection and passing was no longer allowed. The "no passing" zone began about 100 yards from the intersection. As an extra reminder to drivers, at the point where the dotted line became solid, there was a traffic sign on the roadside that said "No Passing." Do you understand the scenario?

On our trips to Connecticut, we would approach the "No Passing" sign after two hours of drudgery. It was frequently late at night. We were all hungry and tired. Without fail, dozens of times, my Dad would say the following when we hit the sign: "Well gang, the sign says No Passing. I guess we have to turn around and go home." We all moaned, but we also loved to hear that dad joke.

As luck would have it, I ended up living down the street from that intersection for 30 years. I fondly thought about Dad's infamous joke almost every day. On the 1st day of July in 2005, I cried at that intersection as I was going home after making funeral arrangements for Dad.

Let's finish on a lighter note with a few dad jokes. Feel free to use them, even if you're not a Dad:

▪Why did the Oreo go to the dentist? (It lost its filling.)

▪ What did one wall say to the other wall? (Meet you at the corner.)

▪What do you call a fake noodle? (An impasta.)

▪Why did the scarecrow get an award? (He was out standing in his field.)

Happy Father's Day to everyone. Tell some jokes!!

[emawinslow]

hiii 10 12 19 21 26 31 43 44 47 oh dear i hope im remembering the right ones have fun <3

hiiii thank you🫶

10 - would you slaughter the rich?

without hesitation

12 - what kind of day is it?

you know when days don’t feel real? not in a particularly good or bad way. yeah I’m having one of those.

19 - imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

yes of course. will they look good? absolutely not but I can paint them yassss green from the sally hansen pride collection

21 - something you’ve kept since childhood?

I’ve kept a fuck ton of things from childhood because I have a um. really hard time getting rid of things. I’ve gotta work through that but I love had the same wooden frog displayed in my room for as long as I can remember. my hello kitty alarm clock too. my mom has every art project I’ve ever done still. I have teddy the teddy bear of course. and my baby blankets I still sleep with. lots more things I can’t remember but trust me there are Lots

26 - a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

I’m not really sure what this question is asking so I’m just gonna talk about a recent regret. I literally can’t stop thinking about the estate sale I went to recently and I saw one of those singing fish wall hanging things. okay it didn’t sing but it was a hanging fish on a plaque. and I’ve been wanting a singing one for years and it was only $2 but I didn’t pick it up and I was like “I’ll get it on the way out” but on the way out it was GONE very sad

31 - what type of music keeps you grounded?

there’s really no specific type of music but generally I think it’s just. songs that remind me so much of a specific moment in my life. like hey mickey by baby tate reminds me so much of reading the secret history in the science building and moneytalks reminds me of sophomore year ap european history class and house of memories by panic reminds me of sitting on my bedroom floor and talking with one of my oldest and best friends and fire in the twilight reminds me of driving back from my choir trip. yeah idk

43 - what’s your take on spicy foods?

I mean. I’m white. like very white (is a quarter mexican). and I really don’t like spicy food. I can’t stand much spice to begin with but even little takes away from the food for  me

44 - you get a free pass to kill anyone, who is it?

my roommate I know you’re not supposed to say this but when I blew out my birthday candles I wished she would die

47 - what was the last message you sent?

“$25” to my mom :)

cactus - something you’re currently learning (about)?

I wouldn’t say I’m learning About anything right now I think I’m mostly just learning how to be a person

chia - what’s an inside joke you have with someone else?

my mom sister and I have had a running joke for like. man it’s gotta be ten years at this point. one time we were in a gift shop in some tourist town and there was a sign on a fountain thing that said “do not tough” instead of “do not touch” and now whenever we say tough instead of touch. funny? well, no but it’s been going on for so long we can’t stop it

edelweiss - how’d you think of your url/username? what’s it associated with to you?

jo!!!! when I first watched skam cris was my fav character and she really resonated with me then I watched skam austin and i thought jo was hysterical like she’s one of my fav characters ever. weird teenage girls just act like that

camellia - what were you like when you were younger? do you think you’ve changed a lot?

well when I was a really little kid I was stubborn as hell like I quit swim lessons because I didn’t like being told what to do. in mid to late middle school I was a cuuuuunt and not in a fun way. I was just a dick and I loved picking fights with authority figures because I didn’t respect them. and honestly it was deserved they sucked. I had an era in the middle where I was like Very innocent and sweet. and sensitive I have  a lot of memories of crying in public and at school. but all throughout all of that I was such a loser. not in a bad way. I have a whole journal entry about this that I wrote in december but I would say I’ve changed a lot but also not at all. like I look back and I don’t recognize myself but that the same time it’s still Me and I only know how different I am because I know what I’m thinking and the intentions behind what I’m saying and doing and can’t only judge the actions and words itself. it’s complicated. and this isn’t me just making fun of my younger self I love her she is me I am her etc

aloe vera - what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

[loosesodamarble]

AJFGAEUGRJAKEGTAEIGTEAJTEGAUIHEBGAIEUTH!

First, we need a few sappy and goofy Hallmark romances in life, at least to contrast the heart-shattering, tragic romances we see elsewhere (ObaMitsu and Jerza anyone?). The bitter and the sweet (or maybe overly sweet in Hallmark's case) keep the world balanced. 😂 And that Christmas with Holly movie sounds funny and ADORABLE! I will have to find it since you enjoy it!

Also, yes, I trust you with my OC and ship. Your analysis and depiction of Finesse and Space Bros. trio is wonderful so I know you like understanding characters! The way you handle others' ocs like Zera from Lyra also reassures me!

(So Nacsele is the ship you prefer? Hmmm... I must write more Morgsele propaganda I MEAN CONTENT! Nah but I get you. You like the deep and tragic themes, huh? 😌 Also, if you want to have two ships for one character be separate concepts instead of a love shape, you get your point across just fine.)

NOW! ONTO THE REAL MEAT OF YOUR ANSWER!

The set-up/scenario you gave Josele and Morgen is amazing kajshdaisruthrt!

The "cynical (for a Hallmark movie)" thing that you used twice had me in hysterics! You can only get so cynical in Hallmark movies and Josele is out there toeing that freaking line!

(Canon Josele isn't a big cynic when with Morgen [became a little bit of one post curse] but Momo was always the one instilling hope in her when she hesitated to hope. So we can definitely roll with cynical [for a Hallmark movie] Josele. 🤣)

Anyways anyways! KJAHDfsiuathrst!

I know why Josele's not liking the feel good stories she's writing about. Not enough life-or-death situations. She wants to write a feel good piece about a bunch of kids fighting off a kidnapper or someone surviving a bear mauling and crawling back to society all on their own. She wants something wild and adventurous to write about. But girl! 🙄 You're in a Hallmark movie right now! Lower your expectations, Josele!/lh

Morgen, doing it all. We love that for him. 💖 He is so giving and loving and sweet and hard-working and kjahiasurthrst! Girl, you're making me simp for Morgen with an even more idealized Hallmark AU version of him. How? 😂

Josele investigating Morgen... Following him and interviewing him about his life. What if people see Morgen and Josele together and are like "let your boyfriend ask some questions about you, sweetie." Leaving the two of them flustered. 😆

Morgen's deep dark secret is revealed! KAhfaiuthrst! "As heinous of crimes as allowed in a Hallmark movie"! Acacia, I'm crying! KAhfaisurhtaisrht! You're making this too funny for meeee!

And that cliffhanger... 😈

Josele's gonna choose her heart. I say so. Get your optimism and romance, Josele!

GAAAAAHHH! THIS WAS SUCH A GOOD READ! I WAS LEGIT LAUGHING OUT LOUD WHILE READING THIS!

I LOVE THIS! I LOVE THIS SO MUCH, ACACIA!

THANK YOU~! 💖

Hiya there Acacia~! Saw the Hallmark Movie AU post thing and like I said earlier, it looks like fun and seems like it'd be pretty funny. I don't really watch Hallmark but I hear that their movies are pretty goofy and I often get a chuckle listening to or reading commentary about them. Anyways...

So for the “If it was a Hallmark movie” game that you're doing, do you think you'd be willing to give it a try with Morgen x Josele? 👉👈 I'd love to see you interpret/play with my ship.

If you're not so sure about Morgsele though, how about a Hallmark Movie AU for Mitsuri x Obanai? 💖

Hi Erika! Thank you so much for the ask and for reblogging my game! I really appreciate it. 😊 I was really happy to see your tags that it looked fun and hilarious since that's definitely what was I was going for when I made it up. I hope you enjoy it! 🥰

I'm not a big fan of Hallmark Movies myself, honestly. I usually don't enjoy romance too much just as a general rule, and I especially find Hallmark-Style Rom Coms to be too soppy, goofy, and/or predictable. That said, I can appreciate that they are usually feel good and wholesome, but that's generally not enough to make it through the whole film without chuckling to myself at how unrealistic it is. My mom and sister, however, absolutely love Hallmark Movies and have whole marathons of them, but I have a reputation for being the cynical family member who watches 2 minutes of the movie and predicts the whole plot... (They don't really let me watch with them anymore unless I promise to be quiet 😅😂).

That said, there have been Hallmark Movies I have genuinely enjoyed but those generally break the mold of the usual tropes. My favorite Hallmark Movie, for instance, is called Christmas With Holly, and it's the story of three brothers who try their best to raise their niece (Holly) and put together a perfect holiday season (Thanksgiving & Christmas specifically) for her after the untimely death of their sister/Holly's mother. It's heartfelt and hilarious in a good/intentional way because these are three single guys who know absolutely nothing about cooking a thanksgiving feast or raising a 6-year-old little girl. 😂 I try to catch that one every year because it's so wholesome and I love the characters and the focus on family relationships rather than the usual romance (the romance really takes a backseat to the brothers sibling relationship with each other and their familial relationship with their niece), but the usual run-of-the-mill Hallmark Rom Coms generally aren't my cup of tea even if I've seen a lot of them thanks to my family...and that's kind of how the game came to be created. 😊

I would love to make up a Hallmark Movie for Morgen x Josele for you! It's very flattering that you'd trust me with your OC, and I hope I've done an okay job. (I know what I've come up with is a little goofy even for a Hallmark movie 😂). I really like Josele, and her and Morgen's relationship is really sweet and adorable--perfect for a Hallmark Movie, I think (A/N: though just between us, I think I prefer her dynamic with Nacht...🤫 That's just a personal preference though. Both ships are great, but I'll admit I imagine them as very separate things in my mind since I don't like love shapes--it's kind of similar to how I think of Finral x Finesse and Langris x Finesse as totally separate things even if they're (arguably?) all kind of connected in the canon, if that makes sense?) Anyway, without further ado, here is a Hallmark Movie AU for Morgen x Josele. I really hope you like it. I'm going to take you up on your offer to do an ObaMitsu one as well, but I'll make that it's own post (and tag you) since this one is kind of long. Also Morgen and Josele deserve their own post, in my opinion. They're great! (Hopefully I'm not totally off the mark with them here 😅). Thanks for the ask! 🥰

Morgsele If It Was A Hallmark Movie...

The Perfect Man: Josele is a somewhat cynical (for a Hallmark movie) journalist who works for the city newspaper, but she is still waiting for her big break as a reporter. She mostly reports on feel good stories and puff pieces like grannies who knit sweaters for cats, bakers who make dog treats for animal shelters, and schools that have toy drives for orphans. While this is all nice and good, Josele can't shake the somewhat cynical (for a Hallmark Movie) notion that most of the time things that seem too good to be true usually are, and she wants the opportunity to do some real journalism work.

She is assigned to write a story about a local doctor, Morgen, who saved an elderly man from getting run over by a vegetable cart during the harvest festival, and quickly learns that he is by all accounts "the perfect man." He helps pediatric burn victims, raises money for the local orphanage, offers to work pro bono for sick children in need, volunteers at a soup kitchen to provide food for the homeless, gives yarn to the grannies who knit the cat sweaters ect. ect. Josele finds it hard to believe that isn't something wrong with him and mentions this at work where she is then tasked with discovering his dark side and/or deep dark secret and revealing it in an exposé piece for the newspaper. At first, she is sure that he's hiding something and couldn't possibly be that perfect, but as she gets to know him better and starts to fall in love with him in spite of her reservations, she begins to feel very guilty about this and realizes that he truly is a genuinely kind and good person.

Morgen, who was smitten with her from the start, falls in love with her quickly and eventually trusts her enough to reveal the dark secret of his past: that he couldn't save his brother from becoming a delinquent and leader of a local gang of hoodlums who commit as heinous of crimes as allowed in a Hallmark movie such as jaywalking, riding bicycles in the middle of the street, vandalizing flower arrangements, and occasionally stealing candy and purses from little old ladies. Josele must then make the difficult choice of deciding whether to reveal Morgen's secret, but how can she choose between her dream reporting job and her heart?

[honey-tea-and-cookies]

Messages For These Placements <3

Aquarius Sun/Mercury: Y'all always gotta be the smartest in the room huh? Don't argue, we both know it. Even if you're defensive smh 🙄. Now this isn't to say you're wrong. You absolutely are smart. But you're more than that, you know? I know people have made your intelligence a huge part of your identity (gifted kid burnout anyone??) but you are actually way more than that. You don't need to know everything to be of value. You matter beyond your intelligence and learning capability. Side note: You are so funny and it's such a shame people don't realise it more. Like, astrology people do, but regular people in your regular life don't see you as funny. That's bullshit tbh y'all are hysterical.

Taurus Moon: Stop dealing with your emotions through baking. Banana bread is temporary. The problem will stay. Fix the issue at it's root. Come on now. You're amazing at giving advice, for once please use your own wisdom. Also, I know this is a huge realisation but; not everyone has the same love language as you. By that I mean, it's not that they don't care about you. It's not that they don't put as much effort in as you do. It's that you just express your affections differently. You give advice, you cook for people, you help them with clothes and general design choices, you help them with work, etc. That's great! But they might not do that for you, and it doesn't mean they don't love you. It just means they might show it as texting you a meme that reminded them of you, inviting you to play video games, re-watching an episode so you can catch up, letting you pick the music, checking on you after you fall asleep, etc. You know?? Important lesson you guys. Finally, PUT UP BOUNDARIES. I'm begging. I know you want to be selfless and I know you try to be kind and I know you struggle to do things you know will upset others in some way. Your happiness/safety/comfort/wellbeing is more important though. I know you get told by astrologers that Taurus is 'selfish' or 'egotistical', and they can be, but in this place especially I think it makes some really kind and gentle people. Y'all are also bad bitches but that's not the point here. The point is, set boundaries. Thank you :)

Capricorn Venus: No because why do does Cap Venus make life so hard it's not fair 😭. You want to be open and vulnerable and loved by your person so bad, I know, it's just really hard. It's just... uncomfortable, you know? I know vulnerability is a struggle for everyone, but it's truly paralysing for Cap Venus natives. Stuck in a limbo between the carnal yet truly deep desire for romantic, domestic bliss and desperately wishing for their heart remain untouched, and therefore unharmed. Life is hard and our minds are cruel, my love. I know. You'll get there honey :)

Mars in 1st House: RBF. Everyone thinks you're a bitch. That's my whole comment. Oh, and that literally every person knows what you're thinking. You are NOT slick, sorry babes. Love you though????

Lilith in 4th House: This isn't a callout this is a cry for help. Please get therapy you guys. Or a hug. Or cut off some family members. Please treat yourself today. TW: Death, sexual harassment, mental illness, emotional manipulation, implication of suicide, familial trauma. Y'all are always like "I've had a blessed life, I'm so grateful for what I have" and you've lost a major family member, been sexually harassed by your uncle, had to talk down your own parent and had a whole mental illness be blamed on you 🤨. TW: Over. Baby take a breather. This was not an attack on you, I just can't handle getting too serious right now lol. Please though, seriously, give me a fucking hug. We both need a snuggle okay? Or if you're uncomfortable with touch, we can sit on the same couch and enjoy each other's general comforting presence. Let's make a pact to heal, okay? I love you <3

Jupiter in 7th House: Fake scenarios much? Pull yourself together sweetheart. We both know you're at least a little scared of love. Yet, it's one of your greatest dreams?? You won't meet anyone by day dreaming, ya know. If you genuinely aren't ready yet, that's okay! However, if the first one is you. If you are the person who desperately wants a relationship but is too busy day dreaming to do anything about it... I don't know what to tell you cutie pie. Good luck?? 💀

Okay everyone, that's all I have for today! Thank you so much for reading. If you have any of these placements, let me know! Tell me if you relate or not lol please relate to me I CANNOT be the only bitch like this right??? I love you guys so much, and have an amazing day/night!!

[lollytea]

My prediction for why there was huntlow and dalador parallels in Dana's gallery nucleus art is that Darius is going to play a part in nudging hunter and willow closer to each other (though probably not actually together, bc I doubt if that'll ever be explicit in the show), specifically after seeing himself and Alador in them.

Aka He's gonna grab willow by the shoulders and be like "see that weird, shy little goblin man who smells kind of bad but makes you happy??? Do you like him???" And Willows. Slightly concerned but goes "uh...yeah" "THEN TELL HIM FOR TITANS SAKE! DON'T WASTE TIME WORRYING ABOUT IF HE THINKS YOU'RE COOL OR NOT, OR PUTTING OFF ANYTHING SERIOUS CAUSE YOU'RE AFRAID OF REJECTION. JUST TELL HIM BEFORE HE GETS MARRIED AND THEN DIVORCED" and willow is like. Okay he's definitely projecting but he's got a point maybe she SHOULD talk to hunter about this

My feelings about Dalador is that I'm indifferent. Darius is like My Guy while Alador is just kinda There. BUT I keep saying that if you bring up a funny enough Dalador scenario I WILL entertain it because the ship has so much comedy potential to me. And this!!! Is fucking hysterical.

Darius grabbing Willow by the shoulders and shaking her like "Get with the freak!!!! I know he's strange and off-putting!!! I know he can't dress himself to save his life!!! I know it's the stupidest emotion you've ever experienced but for some insane reason you love him!!! You love him, little girl!!! So stop wondering and go tell him!!!!"

Now you say Darius nudging Willow in Hunter's direction but I raise you this. The other way around.

"I'm gonna tell him eventually." Says Willow. "But his feelings matter too. He's going through a lot right now. I wanna make sure we're on the same page. I'm waiting for him to send me a sign."

"Little princess, look at him. Think about him for just a second. He's dense as a brick. You could be waiting for that sign for years."

"That's okay."

"Really now? Come on, be sensible. You're young. Wouldn't you like to seize this opportunity while you still have so much life ahead of you?"

"There's no point in getting anything started unless we're sure we're both ready or else it's just gonna crash and burn. And sure, we won't be teenagers forever. But that doesn't mean it'll ever be too late. Maybe it'll take six months. Maybe a year. Maybe ten years. Maybe twenty years. But there's nothing wrong with a little time passing first. No shame in starting late, yknow?"

"Well, that's--you're not...hm."

Anyway, five minutes later, Alador looks up from his tinkering when he hears somebody say "Excuse me, Mr Blight."

It's that girl. The whole who politely informed him that he ruined her life several years ago. Now, he doesn't doubt it. He ruined quite a few lives back then. But he couldn't place her face for the life of him. All he knows is that she's Amity's friend from school. She's been pretty involved in this whole "Stop the Collector" thing and her gaze has always made him uncomfortable. Sure, he apologized for ruining her life and she graciously accepted and she's pleasant enough when interacting with him, but there's always that look of distaste in her eyes. He's pretty sure she thinks he's rather pathetic.

And then there's the man standing next to her. Darius Deamonne, looking every bit as imposing as he had for the last twenty years. He's stiffer than usual. His lip is twisted tightly. His fists are balled at his sides. From the vibes Alador is picking up, he's seconds away from snapping and attacking him right there. Strangely enough, the girl is holding his hand. She appears to be the one who led him over here.

"This big baby has something he'd like to say to you." She announces.

[mochikeiji]

Looking Like U Got Me

Request: "Prompt no. 56 and 55 for Gojo ＼(^o^)／"

55. "You look like my husband/wife"

56. "Keep doing that and I'll marry you faster"

↠ Pairing: Gojou Satoru x Reader

↠ Warning: none! Simply fluff

↬ Word Count: 1.7k

↠ a/n: i accidentally mixed up prompts 55 and 57 ;-; but still hoping this turns out good!!

↳ from Go! Go! Gogatsu Event!

All he wanted was to wake up in bed, next to you— who would cuddle deeper in his arms even in slumber so he'd smother you with his kisses and tighten his hold around you and drift back to sleep longer, finally free of responsibilities for once and enjoy quality time with his only favorite person. But instead he wakes up with a groan passing through his lips, supporting his back side with his hand while shuffling to his side in a different position as the light sun rays shun through the window blinds, softly fanning his eye and forehead.

Gojo chuckles a bit before wincing. His lower back so tensed that he feels himself get older by the day. Pouting at the empty space next to him, he palms the cold sheet in wonder of where you are. Up so early in the morning when you could've just stayed in for him. How annoying. His eyes shut for moment when the scent coming from outside the room intruded his senses. Ah, you must be cooking breakfast. How sweet of you.

Thank goodness it wasn't another batch of dried crackers or cup of noodles that'll enter his mouth. He was never one to cook meals when he was on solo or when you weren't around. The very thought of not only the meal was awaiting for him outside, but also you excites him that it made him feel tingly inside. Call it dramatic, yeah, but it's not every day someone gets to wake up and immediately feel this full of love in the morning. You were the only and last love he's ever wanted to have in this world. It was so surreal even to him.

Sighing before pushing himself up, Gojo yawns out the remains of drowsiness in his system and stands. He didn't bother wearing a shirt since last night, claiming that he misses how his body rubs off yours in both comforting and suggestive ways. Plus it was just you and him home, he'd rather walk naked than wear the usual long sleeved uniform on a warm day.

The scent of coffee got stronger as he closes in his journey towards the kitchen. There was faint sizzling coming from the pan as you stood there in attendance. Stuck in your own little world, swaying to the sound of the radio playing, U got Me by Yung Heazy. It was one of the few songs that reminded you of Gojo back when you were both high schoolers. The exact song you remembered playing when you both hung out on a small cafe in Tokyo. Where he was so flustered, attempted to hide his blushes with his round glasses. The little things that reminded you of that memory never fails to make your heart race.

Of course Gojo knows this one as well. Because it was on that date as well he had call you, "his" after masking his embarrassment and from obviously checking you out every minute. How could he contain himself? He was a young man who was having trouble in the arts of love. Nevertheless he was glad to have grown up from those years. If his younger self could see him now, he'd be gagging at the sight of a softer version of his older self.

Snaking his arms around your torso carefully to avoid surprising you, he places his chin above your shoulder. Salivating at the sight of thick bacon in deep frying, shamelessly letting you know he was hungry from the sound of his stomach growling. "This is a nice way to greet me." you smile at the man behind you, who had his eyes closed in delight while rubbing his cheek against yours like a cat in need of attention. "Good morning to you as well, sweet cheeks." he says after  pressing a kiss on your skin.

"You got up early." whining softly, his hair and nose tickling the side of your neck and shoulder, "I was hoping to stay longer y'know?" trailing his hands underneath the his shirt you were wearing, mapping out on all the skin he could squish and hold with his large palms. Noticeably pressing himself closer to your body, the much needed space gone but you weren't complaining. After all, this was Gojo, a man who knows no boundaries.

"I wanted to make breakfast for you. We haven't had one together since we're both busy." you say as you grabbed the nearby plate, turning off the stove as the now cooked meal sizzles softly from the pan before sliding down to the porcelain surface. In attempt to lick his lips at the now prepared food, his tongue grazes upon your skin, sending you to jolt a bit, hearing the joyous laughter from him as he places a kiss on the spot as an apology.

"W-why don't you go sit down, there's rice bowls and cooked eggs prepared already." stammering, you quickly excused yourself away from his embrace to clean out the mess from the counter. Gojo sighs out the adoration but obliges to your command. Not long after you had finally settled down in front of him. Seeing him in all smiles as he scarfs down on his food made you smile as well. Thank goodness his blindfold was off, they looked adorable twinkling in happiness.

This felt nice. To have an opportunity to be a normal couple once again. So many times you could only daydream of scenarios like this. He could say the same as now that you were present on the usual spot he'd come home to empty. Often dozing off during meetings thinking of where you were or how you were, the multiple times Megumi has fed up with his whining about how he never gets to see or have more time with you. Nobara even pointed out a fact saying, "You act as if you're both married." and Yuuji, being the happy child of the three had said something that always ponder in his mind, "Why don't you marry each other yet, sensei?"

It was a statement he's been considering for a long time. Marriage. Of course Gojo wanted to marry you after years of torment love. To have his precious students say that you both already looked as if you were married got him all heart racing, and very very happy. He's had vivid images of a life with you. Not far from what it is today, but imagine. Unlimited happiness after so long of fearing it. Perhaps maybe even tiny legs running around, giving him such big love as his grows for the family he's craved, watching you smile beside the doorway and calling them in for a meal.

If marrying you means he can have that every day, then the hell with it.

"You look like my wife."

The spoon drop echoes. Slowly his face erupted into a faint blush while staring back at your widened eyes and opened mouth. "What?" gulping down the stuck food in your throat, Gojo bites his lips watching you maintain your composure. So cute. "Y-you know you say funny stuff when you're out of it. Maybe some daifuku would help? Yeah! Wait a sec." quickly getting up from your seat and rummaging in your fridge, you breathed out the heavy puff of air from your lungs.

He did not just say that so directly towards you. Maybe you were dreaming? You wouldn't be if your heart wasn't practically being forced out. Gojo is always fun and games, right? He doesn't mean that.

Sad to think of it that way.

"Ow!" thumping your head above the fridge as you grabbed some of the take outs of Daifuku you got yesterday, closing the fridge back before returning shortly to Gojo, who seemed as out of it as you were. "You did say your brain functions best when you eat sweets. Luckily for you I bought these yesterday. That's why I cooked earlier now because I wanted to try it out with you!"

Gojo can't tell if he wants to be offended at the fact that you think he was joking or just now, cover his half of his face to hide his laughter and igniting squeals. God he wished he had his phone right now, the moment was just so priceless and precious as you were.

"...ter"

Muffles from behind his hand was heard. Tilting your head to the side, trying to process what he said but no avail. "What was that?" you moved a little closer next to him, tapping his hand away almost eagerly. When he does, you spot that knowing smile present on his lips and the uncharacteristic blush still painted on his cheeks.

"Keep doing that and I'll marry you faster, honey."

You've gotten more shy when his hand held yours in the most loving way while drawing patterns. Searching through his eyes if he was playing around, but you were met with ones you know of when they were full of sincerity. "I-i. You know, they were so cheap anyways and I figured you'd want them." he snorts before leaning his head on your arm and laughs hysterically. It was painfully obvious that you were in state of shock that you couldn't even process his words.

Up until now the effect he has on you was still there like before.

"Sweetie." he turns his body away from the table to face you, pulling you so that you were standing in between his legs looking down shyly on the floor. "I'm serious." his fingers reached for your chin to pull your head up to meet his features. His other hand still holding your smaller one; index finger tracing your ring finger in circular motions as if he was creating a make believe ring.

He should thank himself for falling in love and be trusting once again.

Because now, staring back at your eyes filled with the same amount of emotions as his. Reciprocating the exact thing he was feeling. Waking up just to start the day already wanting him to be there. Knowing all the littlest things he's shared. Hearing the erratic sound of both of your heart beats.

He knew he's made the right choice.

"You really do look like my wife. My future."

© all content belongs to mochikeiji. Please do not repost or copy, ありがとうございました!! (=^･^=)

[agentnico]

Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) Review

Doctor Strange WISHES he was everything everywhere all at once. But nope. That strange fella is NOTHING! He’s NOWHERE! He’s....what’s the opposite of ‘all at once’? Later? Dribs and drabs? Oh I dunno, you get what I mean. Multiverse shmultiverse!

Plot: An aging Chinese immigrant is swept up in an insane adventure, where she alone can save the world by exploring other universes connecting with the lives she could have led.

The only things I’ve watched prior to this of the directors’ Dan Kwan and Daniel Scheinert (who collectively call themselves the Daniels) works was the 2016 Swiss Army Man that featured Paul Dano hanging out with Daniel Radcliffe’s farting corpse, and back then I should’ve expected that these two will not limit themselves there upon how much weirdness they can cram into one movie. So now we get A24′s Everything Everywhere All At Once, that brings us the real multiverse of madness, no shade towards Doctor Strange with the same name. Look, it’s difficult not to compare these two movies seeing as they both released so close to one another and happen to handle the concept of the multiversal theory. Oh, and there’s also that little factor of star Jamie Lee Curtis starting a social media feud against Doctor Strange showing that she is errr... very passionate about being part of Everything Everywhere All At Once. Throwing around comments how her film “out marvels any Marvel movie they put out there” or how Doctor Strange did a “copycat” poster, or comparing dick sizes, sorry, budget sizes of the two movies. “COMPETITIVE? Fuck YES. I wasn’t head cheerleader in high school for nothing” screams Curtis, and I’m not going to lie, I am living for her self proclaimed internet war against Marvel. Totally unnecessary but 100% entertaining. Anyway, my lovely fiancée brought my attention to Curtis’ vocal proclamations and we both agreed we should go see her “little MOVIE THAT COULD AND CAN AND IS CRUSHING the box office” and see if her words had much ground. And yes, Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness left a bit of a sour taste in our mouths after seeing it, so we were hoping for some better multiversal mayhem.

To put it simply, Everything Everywhere All At Once is amazing! It’s difficult to talk about what its about, since the title is very accurate with the movie being this beautiful blend of ideas and genres. It’s a science fiction, a black comedy, a drama, a fantasy, a martial arts film, a family film, absurdism and even an animation at one point. It’s got moments of real emotion, like truly some scenes at the end really got to me and I didn’t tear, but gosh was I close. It’s also really funny, but it’s the kind of humour I was shocked to see in a film. You know when you’re with your mates and you talk hypotheticals or outlandish scenarios that you find absolutely hysterical but then if some stranger heard you they’d think you were a total wacko. Well this movie is filled with those kind of ridiculous moments and concepts and that was a cause for some very solid comedy. Not the laugh-out-loud kind of humour, but the kind where you’re like “WHAT??” and “did they actually just do that??”. I’m not gonna spoil any of these moments, but I’m just gonna say hot dogs and Ratatouille. Once you see this film and see it you should, you will know what I am referring to.

For all its wackiness and bizarreness, this movie at its heart is filled with thought-provoking, emotionally resonant themes about family, existentialism and the role we play in the universe, let alone the multiverse. The idea of acceptance and staying true to who you are and not having regrets for the choices you’ve made, will make, or have not made, at the end of the day you are you, I am I, he is he and honestly I’ve lost my train of thought. I don’t know where I was going with this. Regardless, this movie gives you the feels and it gives you the thoughts. However bringing it back to the multiversal concept, the film does something truly unique and original with that idea. Instead of simply having the main character Evelyn (played superbly by Michelle Yeoh by the way) jump from one reality to another and doing whatever she wants, the entire idea here is that you can not necessarily go into a different universe, but you can’t connect with your alternate self and develop skills from that alter-ego to then use in your own reality. Naturally the more alternate selves you meld with the more reality begins to distort and you begin questioning which reality was the original one, but I must say this take on the multiverse, though I still have a few questions on certain technicalities, was a very cathartic experience to watch. But what adds to the brilliance is that even though we get a lot of multiversal madness and randomness, it all still managed to connect to the movie’s central themes. Even the most weirdest oddities still in some capacity build up towards the overall story and its characters. Its both disorganised yet so interconnected and to the point. 

Everything Everywhere All At Once is a wildly original feature filled to the brim with unique visual gags, and its truly one of the more unrepeatably eccentric films to come in cinemas this year. I forgot to even mention the cast, they are all great. Michelle Yeoh, Ke Huy Quan, James Hong, Stephanie Hsu and Jamie Lee Curtis all do their part. Heck even Jenny Slate who I usually find annoying is used to good use here. This movie is sensational and the only knit pick I have is that the first 30 minutes are hard to get through. It’s a lot of fast talking and very sporadic and I was confused for a good ol’ while but then once I got onto the movie’s eccentric level I bought into it fully. I’m sure once I re-watch it I’ll be able to enjoy even those first 30 minutes. But nothing is disputing the fact Everything Everywhere All At Once is remarkably unique and entertaining. And hell, I may just absolutely love it. Yet in a different universe I probably hate it. In another one I haven’t even seen it. In another universe I simply don’t exist. In another, the universe isn’t even a thing and gosh golly I feel I am experiencing EXISTENTIALISM!!! 

Overall score: 8/10

[bestiesenpai]

Hostage - Okkotsu Yuta

At first when I saw this my internal response was that there was nothing that I really wanted to write, no scenario that would warrant answering such a question. But I’ve given it time and well...what better thing to write than a horny for love delusional yandere? Gender neutral and Okkotsu in this has graduated from the school, I imagine him to be mid-20s 4.8k words

Content warnings: yandere shit(which in this context includes kidnapping, past stalking and being really fucking creepy), manipulation, noncon hand job

How long had you been here in this dark basement with only a red couch and a TV that wouldn’t turn on? There wasn’t a single window to tell you if it was day or night, no clock on the wall to say if it had been ten minutes or ten hours since you were kidnapped. You didn’t even know who could have taken you, knocked out from behind after hearing a mysterious voice.

There wasn’t a single lead to go on except for the fact that you would pass out from time to time and wake up to food on the low coffee table, hot meals that helped to soothe your otherwise empty mind and body for however short a time it allowed. Sometimes there would be candy stuffed into your pockets as well, candy that you never ate and let pile up in one of the corners of the room.

The door at the top of the stairs leading down to where you were stayed locked at all times and no amount of banging and screaming and trying to break it down worked. All your efforts were for nothing, you didn’t even make a scratch in the wood.

Whoever put you down here seemed too hesitant to show you their identity. You never heard anyone outside the door and whenever you thought you did, you would wake up however many hours later with food and no recollection of what happened before then.

Until today, when the door silently swayed open and there was the barely there tap of footsteps coming down to greet you. Scurrying behind the couch and crouching down, you were scared to finally meet your captor.

“Hello there.” He wasn’t at all what you imagined. A young man with noticeable bags under his eyes, hair with a few strands that fell into his face and an otherwise unassuming and slim build. His voice was soft and gentle like he was talking to a baby as he roused them from slumber.

He immediately noticed the way you were trying to stay away from him, making sure to keep the couch between you as he rounded it. A sad sigh left his lips, a short sound like he was already getting frustrated with what you were doing.

“Darling, why don’t you sit down? There’s a lot to discuss.” Gesturing toward the couch, he took a seat at the end. It was then that you noticed the sheathed sword he had on his back as he took it off and laid it on the table.

Your mouth hadn’t been used to speak to anyone in a long time, tongue heavy and foreign in your mouth. Having given up screaming for help a long time ago, you didn’t speak to anyone unless to yourself, and even then it had devolved to being just thoughts in your head.

So you shook your head no, trying to keep your sudden anxious breathing down to a minimum. You’d waited for this day to finally see who took you but now that he was here in front of you, just his presence brought you great stress.

“Are you feeling okay?” The man asked again, brows furrowing slightly. The look of genuine concern on his face is what caused you to speak, spiking anger in your heart.

“No!” You shouted, surprising both him and yourself.

“Why don’t you sit down, hm?” He patted the cushion next to him and you shook your head harder.

“No, no. L-let me go!” Tears were already beginning to collect in your eyes, some spilling out the sides. Were they from anger at being held captive? From how concerned he looked when he was the one who put you there? Was it from fear of what he could do to you? Perhaps hopelessness at the whole situation was starting to set into places you tried so hard to keep it out of.

“You shouldn’t yell, (Y/N), it’s not good for your throat.”

“What the fuck would you know.” Now anger was truly taking residency inside your chest, making it tighten with each pounding beat of your heart. This man had the nerve to call you by your first name as if he was a friend, the syllables rolling so smoothly off his tongue it sounded as if he had said it a hundred times.

“Don’t swear at me.” He snapped, face immediately going hard as he stared you down. The look made a shiver go down your spine, the anger quickly making space for fear to come as well. He sighed again, glancing at his sword before looking at you again. “Now please, won’t you sit down?”

This time when he asked, you listened. Hovering on the very edge of the cushion farthest from him, your entire body was painfully stiff and unyielding even to your own breathing. It was different when you were standing and he was sitting, it felt like there was a level of control that you still had.

But this felt like you were just a pitiful little rabbit with their neck caught right in a lion's mouth.

“Oh darling don’t cry, don’t cry. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” His tone immediately shifted back to the soft and gentle one from earlier. Reaching his hand out, he stopped short of touching your arm when you curled yourself away. Putting his hand into a fist and tucking it back into his lap, he let out a sharp exhale. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t touch you, should I? You must be nervous now that I’m here.”

Sniffling and nodding were all you could do to answer him. Maybe there was a logical reason he might have taken you, there had to be a solution to whatever problem he had that involved you.

“It’s funny, I’d say. We’re soulmates and yet we’re still so nervous with each other.”

What?

“Why, it took me almost two weeks just to do this much! I finally stopped having Inumaki put you to sleep and-”

Huh?

“Before you know it this will all be a distant memory, we’ll be living together-”

“Wh-what the fuck.” Your voice was meek and trembling and there were fat tears streaming down your face that couldn’t be stopped now. Listening to this man go on and on about this life he’d made for the two of you all in his head was going to drive you insane.

“What was that?” He paused, a hopeful smile on his face. Glancing at him, you set your bleary eyes on the sword.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” As the swear left your lips, you flinched at his sudden inhale. “I-I don’t- I don’t know you. We’ve never met.” Burrowing your face in your hands was probably a bad idea, it was probably best to keep him in your line of sight, but you just couldn’t face him.

“Physically we’ve never met, but our hearts have. Our souls are connected, we just had to find each other.” There was a dip in the cushions and the ghost of his knee brushed yours.

“I don’t even know your name!” You croaked, further curling in on yourself by dropping your head to your knees. At this rate you were set to fall off the couch and onto the floor and you welcomed the reprieve not being next to him would bring.

“I’m Yuta. Yuta Okkotsu.” The first touch of his fingers on your shoulder made you yelp and jerk away, and you could imagine his hand hovering in the air. “But you can just call me your boyfriend, okay?”

“You’re fucking crazy.” Getting up from the couch the second time he touched you, you pressed yourself against the furthest wall next to a chess table with no pieces.

“Darling-”

“No, don’t fucking call me that!” Stamping your foot on the ground, you ignored his warning tone.

“(Y/N), I told you-”

“I don’t give a damn! I don’t want to be part of whatever bullshit you said earlier! Just- just let me go!” You were getting hysterical at this point, your whole body was hot and sweaty and your face was on fire. It was hard to hear anything over the ringing and pounding in your ears giving you headache.

Except you were able to hear the sound of a knife going through the air and feel it graze your cheek before sticking into the wall behind you. Everything fell away as you looked at the silver blade glinting in the harsh fluorescent light above you. There was just the tiniest hint of red at the edge, further proof that what you felt was real.

“I don’t mind you getting upset, I don’t mind you yelling and screaming at me. It’s a normal reaction to such a new situation.” Yuta’s low voice cut through the sudden silence and he stood up slowly, swaying slightly on his feet before planting them firmly on the ground. “But what I won’t have is such ugly words coming out of your mouth. That type of language doesn’t belong in a mouth as pretty as yours.”

He walked over to you slowly, building the tension with every step he took. It was then that you noticed, when he was only a foot away, that the silver of the knife matched the silver buttons on his shirt.

“If I have to remind you again, I promise I won’t miss.” Letting the sentence hang in the air, Yuta gave you a once over before grabbing onto your wrist and upper arm tightly and dragging you back to the couch. His strength was much more than you first assumed, there wasn’t a chance in hell that you could ever hope to wiggle out of his hold.

Sitting down with a huff, he pulled you onto his lap, forcing you to straddle him. Putting your hands on his shoulders, he settled his on your hips, making sure you were properly seated on his outstretched legs. Staring at the buttons on his shirt, you tried to avoid getting too close - keeping at least some semblance of an arms length between you and making sure your sex was far from his.

“This isn’t so bad, is it?” It was amazing how easily his mood shifted from one to the other. What had just been a quite heavy and intense moment was washed away by a little uptick of his lips and the tilt of his head to the side.

The things you wished to say were lodged in your mouth, waiting on the tip of your tongue for you to open up and let them fall out. But you couldn’t afford to keep testing his patience like this, not after what just happened.

“I suppose.” So you bite your tongue hard and say what you think will get you closer to getting out. Whatever it is he wants you can give him so long as it keeps him happy and lets you walk free.

“I knew you’d come around.” The smile on Yuta’s face takes proper form, pushing the apples of his cheeks up and wrinkling his eyes. One hand on your hips dares to venture further onto the small of your back. The warmth of his palm would be comforting in another setting.

“Y-yuta.” It almost makes you sick to say his name.

“Yes?” It makes his eyes light up.

“When will I get to leave?” Somewhere along the line you’d stopped crying and now only your eyes burned with the memory of the tears.

“When I know you’re ready, (Y/N).” He said softly, rubbing a hand on your back.

“Ready how?”

“I just want to make sure of a few things before we start our new life together. Is that okay?”

Did you really have a choice?

“What things?” You pushed, your fingers digging into his shoulders.

“Don’t worry about that right now. We’re together now and that’s all that matters.”

“Please tell me, I really want to know.”

“(Y/N).” He sang your name but it was anything but cheery. “I don’t want to talk about that right now, so drop it please.” Even though he was speaking his mouth barely moved, jaw locked tight in hardly hidden frustration.

“Okay.” You quickly let the subject go.

“Now darling…” Yuta brought a hand up to your face, trailing his fingers down your cheek softly. “Won’t you smile for me? You have such a pretty smile.”

The question of how he knew what your smile looked like cropped up in your head but you quickly stamped it out. Now wasn’t the time to worry about those things. Doing as he asked, you gave him your best smile.

“Absolutely gorgeous.” Skimming his thumb along your bottom lip, Yuta grasped your chin in his fingers. “I’ve been missing your smile so much lately, the recent missions I’ve been on have really put a damper on my mood.”

“I’m- I’m sorry to hear that.” Extending an olive branch wouldn’t hurt, right? It was clear he wanted your compliance in this scheme of his, desperate to have you love him. Your words shot straight into Yuta’s heart, making him bite his lip in to stop a shy giggle from coming out.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t matter. All that matters is that I have my darling with me.” A light blush went over his cheeks and Yuta let a sliver of the giggle out. “But there is something that would make me feel even better.”

“What’s that?” It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he meant when his thumb touched your lip again.

“A kiss. Just one, I promise.” Licking his own lips, Yuta grabbed onto your jaw more firmly. “I swear I’ll be gentle.” Weighing your options, the inkling that it wouldn’t be ‘just one’ was in the back of your head. But as long as it stayed just kissing, maybe you’d be okay.

“One.” You repeated, allowing him to pull you in and close the gap between you. Kissing Yuta was something that, once again, would feel nice in any other circumstance. The texture of his lips wasn’t bad, his breath didn’t smell and he seemed to know what he was doing. Maybe in another world, you really could have been soulmates.

Breaking the first kiss to take a short inhale, Yuta immediately went in for another. The hand that was on your jaw slid up to the back of your head, holding it firmly in his calloused hand to make sure you didn’t move.

“Y-yuta!” Whining against his lips, you tried to push away from him.

“Just one, I know! I know but-” He mumbled back, the tip of his tongue daring to touch your pursed lips. “I can’t help it, I love you so much.” Crushing you against him, Yuta got his tongue into your mouth when you gasped for air. The urge to bite him arose and you almost did, but he pulled away right as you made the decision to.

“You said only one!” Giving his chest a hard push, you wiped the spit off your lips in disgust.

“I know, I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Putting his hands on your back, Yuta grimaced at you. “I’m sorry darling, I just got excited! I’ve been dreaming of kissing you for so long, can you blame me for wanting more?”

You could blame him for that and a few other things. Wiping your mouth off again, you huffed angrily and avoided his sorry eyes.

“Don’t do it again.”

“I won’t lie to you anymore, I promise.” Yuta mumbled, already forcing you closer again. “Let me make it up to you.”

“Yuta, no.” Shaking your head, you put a hand over your mouth. The blush that was on Yuta’s cheeks got darker and a hand gripped the back of your neck.

“It may be a bit soon, but there are other places where I can kiss you.” Latching his lips onto the side of your neck, Yuta sucked on the skin lightly. He didn’t want to leave any unseemly marks on you and he wouldn’t dream of using his teeth.

“Yuta, get off.” Tugging on his collar, you squirmed at the feeling. “P-please, Yuta, get off.” You were getting more desperate by the moment, accelerated by his lips going down the column of your throat and to the collar of your top.

“I just want to kiss you, (Y/N).”

“No, no I don’t-” As his head nudged your chin up, you started to sweat and really yank at the fabric in your hands. “I don’t want you to kiss me there, Yuta!” Your voice reached a crescendo and the soft sound of his kisses stopped. Pulling away slowly, Yuta kept his head ducked down.

“I’m sorry (Y/N), I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Releasing the hold on your neck, Yuta smooths his hand down your back once more and threads his fingers together at the base of your spine.

Struggling to catch your breath, you force yourself to relax and let your head dip down, uncurling the fingers fisting the fabric of Yutas shirt and letting the blood naturally flow back to them.

As the silent seconds tick by, there’s something that comes into your consciousness that can’t be ignored. There’s already a good amount of heat built up between you and Yuta from the kisses you shared and the struggle that ensued.

But was he that much of a repressed man that just kissing your lips and neck had his cock standing at half attention? It seemed so, because when you made a face at it, he chuckled sheepishly.

“Sorry.” Yuta wasn’t sorry for what was happening. He didn’t feel remorse for any of this, especially not the thing that was causing you distress now. It was only natural for such a reaction to occur! You were squirming so much on his lap while he kissed you that it was like you were begging him to get hard.

Gently raking his nails up and down your back, Yuta stared hard at your lips. His gaze almost pierced right through you and he wasn’t subtle about wanting another kiss. Another slurry of apologies left Yuta’s lips as he once again grabbed the back of your head and forced you to kiss him. His words got mushed together, spoken against your lips as he tried to work his tongue into your mouth.

Whatever screams of protest you had didn’t matter in this moment, Yuta was a man on a mission and desperate to take what was his. He felt bad about pushing your boundaries and ruining the chance of growing an actual relationship any time soon, but those were things he was willing to sacrifice.

And after all, good boyfriends help their partners grow in uncomfortable situations.

Moaning in a high pitch when your crotch just barely grazed his, Yuta took advantage of the fact you were too busy trying to push him away to focus on your lower half. Grabbing you tightly at the hips, he dragged you forward and fully pushed you against the front of his pants.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He panted as he moved your bodies in tandem, getting bolder and bucking his hips like a sad teenager dry humping for the first time. This continued for a while and you were sure he was going to cum when he suddenly stopped and flopped his head back against the couch.

Fervently wiping off your lips, the urge to slap him came over you in a blinding rage, and you quickly swiped your hand down. Fully expecting to make contact with his face, you put all the strength you could into the motion only to be stopped by Yuta grabbing your wrist.

“Hitting isn’t very nice, (Y/N).” He sounded like a disappointed preschool teacher and when you raised your other hand to try and slap him he caught that one as well. Holding both your wrists tightly in his grasp, Yuta stared at your heaving chest as he thought about what to do.

“Let me go.” You said, trying to tug yourself free.

“Sshh, I’m thinking.” His eyes wouldn’t leave your chest and he licked his lips. “I think I know a better use for your hands.” Letting go of one of them, Yuta was quick to go to the button on his jeans and undo them.

Your fingers were touching his clothed cock before you had a chance to protest. The speed Yuta moved at was dizzying and you seemed to be about 10 seconds behind him, left to scramble and catch up on whatever he’d done.

“Just a little, please?” Yuta whined and gripped your fingers around his cock, digging into the fabric of his dark underwear and outlining the shape of his cock.

“Yuta…” Back were the tears, a light misting this time that blurred your vision. It was gross touching him, even as the scent of a minty body wash rolled off him. This was gross, the heat from his cock and the way the skin moved beneath your fingers all felt horribly off.

“Just be good for me, (Y/N), I know you can do that.” Giving your lips a quick peck, Yuta let out a shaky exhale. His hand was holding yours so tightly your hand pulsed, throbbing from lack of circulation.

Touching him through his underwear quickly became not enough for Yuta and he hurriedly pulled his cock out, shoving his underwear down his thighs a bit to make more room. Unbuttoning the large overshirt he had on, Yuta let out another exhale as the sweat evaporated off his body.

“Are you shy? Here, touch it like this.” Gingerly now he wrapped your hand around his shaft, squeezing with just enough pressure to make sure you were really holding it. You tried to avoid looking at it, staring at the tanktop Yuta had on underneath his other shirt.

Tilting your head up, he kissed you gently as he worked your hand up and down his cock, slowly loosening his hold the longer he went until he was able to let go and you were still stroking him.

“I love you so much.” He whispered, breaking the kiss to press his forehead against yours. “So, so much.” You whimpered in response, keeping your eyes tightly closed to avoid looking at him. “I’ve followed you for so long now, it feels amazing to finally be here with you.”

“Followed?” You didn’t want to know, you didn’t want to know, you didn’t-

“Six months. For six long, agonizing months I watched you from the shadows. Making sure you were safe, following you home from work to make sure no one messed with you, going into your home when you weren’t there to make sure you didn’t have the stove on-”

“Stop.” Sniffling back another wave of tears, you shook your head. “I-I can’t, please-”

“You’re right, I’m killing the mood.” Chuckling softly, Yuta kissed at the corner of your eye. Putting his hand back on yours, he sped up the pace and bucked his hips up. “A-and I really don’t want to do that.”

Kissing you again lest he start rambling again, Yuta moaned freely into your mouth. He had dreamed of this moment and so many others, staying up late at night just fantasizing about you touching him and finally being in his arms.

To say he was pent up was an understatement. Ever since he saw you, Yuta vowed not to touch himself, wanting you to be the only one that gave him such pleasure. It was a painful wait, but every time he saw you he knew it was worth it - and it was. He was already nearing an orgasm and it hadn’t even been that long.

“Oh darling-” His face started to screw up and Yuta broke the kiss, putting his head on your shoulder and making your hand go faster. “God I love you, (Y/N)! I lo-love-” He was babbling now, unable to focus on any full sentence coming out of his mouth. “Say it- tell me.”

“Say what?” You asked, struggling to keep your breathing even as you felt him get closer to the edge.

“You love me. Tell me you- tell me you love me, even if it’s not true yet.” Yuta was so close it hurt, but he refused to cum unless you said those words.

“I-I-” The desire to not say it was strong, keeping you from really forming the words. It wasn’t true right now and it would never be true. You would never love Yuta for as long as you lived.

“Say it, say it please!” Yuta wailed, his other hand gripping your waist so hard you were afraid he was going to break something. “I love you so much, just say it back!”

“I love you! Yuta, I love you, okay?” His hold was really starting to hurt and as soon as you said it, he let go. “I love you, I love you.” You repeated over and over until his body locked up and he came with an almost sobbing moan.

“Oh god, darling, I love you.” Yuta wasn’t crying but he might as well have been. His hand stopped for a brief moment before continuing, coating the back of his hand and your fingers in his cum. He kept going until he was able to squeeze the last drop of cum out of him, swiping at the tip with his thumb until the sensation began to hurt.

It was too quiet now in the room without Yuta’s frantic breathing and mindless babbles. Taking deep, gasping breaths, he forced himself to calm down and let go of your hand, letting his softening cock fall down against him.

“Here.” In his pocket he had a handkerchief and Yuta wiped your hand clean, diligently going between the digits and getting every last pearly drop. Throwing it onto the coffee table, Yuta collapsed back onto the couch with a heavy sigh.

His face was impossibly blissed out, a dopey smile stretching his face and showing off his teeth. He couldn’t be happier in this moment, the weight of your body on his lap a constant reminder that this was real life, the reality that he had been dreaming of and striving for for so long.

The door he had entered from creaked open much faster than when he entered, and there were thundering footsteps descending the stairs quickly. Yuta immediately perked up, hugging you close to his chest as he turned over his shoulder to look at who came in.

“This is a surprise.” There was a tall, lanky man standing at the bottom of the steps, his white hair sticking up in all directions. You wondered how he could see with a blindfold on and Yuta seemed happy to see him.

“Gojo, hello!” Rushing to fix his pants, Yuta helped you off his lap and stood up.

“I see you’ve finally made yourself acquainted.” Gojo grinned, his head flicking towards you for a moment.

“Mhmm! We uh- we’re having a great time getting to know each other.” Yuta flushed, trying to not make it obvious that his pants had just been undone and that you’d just been jerking him off.

“Well I hate to break up a happy couple, but there’s a visitor here for you. I think you’re going to have another mission soon.”

“Really, so soon? I just-” Glancing at you, Yuta bit his tongue. “I’ll be back soon.” Grabbing his sword and the knife still stuck in the wall, Yuta gave you one more look before walking past Gojo and up the stairs. As soon as the door clicked closed, you shot up from the couch and walked around to Gojo.

“Please, you have to help me, get me out of here!” Clasping your hands together in front of you, you pleaded as hard as you could. “H-he’s absolutely crazy, please help me!” Unable to look Gojo in the eye, you could only assume he was looking back at you from the way his head moved.

“That’s not very nice, now is it?” He questioned, quirking a brow and crossing his arms. “Yuta loves you so much, you shouldn’t say those things about him.”

“Sir please, you don’t understand!” Shaking your head hard, you let out a frustrated groan. “I don’t belong here! He kidnapped me, don’t you understand?!” It felt like you were the only sane one left in the world. Gojo chuckled and sighed, placing a large hand on the top of your head and leaning forward.

“Actually, Yuta wasn’t the one that actually kidnapped you.” A soft ‘no’ escaped your lips and Gojo laughed again, drinking in the sinking feeling in your gut and the way it twisted your face in agony. “It was me.”