#Physical abuse mention

[system-of-a-feather]

For realsie though, I really wish I could look at the people who are diagnosed with DID and get upset at people "making it look like a fun disorder to have" with some level of sympathy or empathy, but I really honestly think that rhetoric is really honestly destructive as a means for self soothing and one I really just can't stand personally.

Like this disorder sucks ass and the reason it happened sucks ass and recovering with it sucks ass, but I don't see that rhetoric as any better than stating that "anyone who went through that could NEVER recover or live happy".

And I get where that comes from, I do, but at a certain point in trauma processing, stabilization and recovery, things start to click that trauma is over and PTSD inherently is referencing an event that has already passed. Trauma sucks. Severe chronic trauma SUCKS, but that's the past and - while its a LOT more difficult than it is to just say - that past REALLY doesn't have to define the present even a quarter as much as trauma makes it feel.

Of course, I understand and get those who feel like DID is horrible and a hell disorder - I 10000% understand that and its a valid feeling / opinion / statement to make, but to claim that it is impossible to have fun, be happy, and make casual content and just genuinely make the best out of a shit situation; or to claim that anyone with DID would be totally dysfunctional and miserable and unable to do XYZ - it's just... really self depricating and a huge negative self fulfilling prophecy don't you think? Also not to mention a LOT of projecting?

Other people don't deserve you forcing your self loathing and pain onto them. You are allowed to hate your situation, you are allowed to hate your disorder, you are allowed to feel and think and experience your experiences however you want, but a line is drawn when it comes to displacing that hatred, those feelings, those thoughts, and those experiences onto others and demand that they should meet your standards of misery.

I apologize, but I'm not going to pretend like DID stresses me out when I'm really not stressed by it anymore because most of our regular parts are actually decently connected and coordinated with one another. I'm not scared of them and they aren't scared of me. I'm not fighting them and they aren't fighting me. We got trauma but we also got, ya know, a life going and the trauma gets less and less prevalent and intrusive as time goes on so, life's honestly pretty lit and I really love to see other systems heading in that direction.

I think everyone should aim to be happy and at peace with their disorder. I don't understand, empathize, or support the idea that someone had to meet a standard of misery to be "real".

(TW: suicidal ideation and physical abuse mention)

If I take medication that makes it so I don't scrub my hands raw and have panic attacks over having not eaten a salad "recently" thus meaning I am going to rot from the inside out and die, does that mean I am faking having OCD? If I take medication and improve my life so that I only pluck my hair once a month, is my Trichitillomania faked? If I stop having suicidal ideation, does that mean I was faking being suicidal the whole time? If I stop having bruises, does that mean I faked being beaten as a kid?

(TW cleared)

Recovery and peace should and does not ever invalidate the truth of the pain suffered and the struggle overcome. Happiness and joy can co-exist with the truth of hurt, pain and suffering.

Trying to hold the two as mutually exclusive is a huge part of why a lot of people get stuck being miserable. If misery is vital for honoring your pain as real, it is very hard to let that go and let yourself be happy again, because if you are happy, what will attest to give your pain justice? But pain, justice, misery, and happiness - they can all co-exist and honestly, that's a really important thing to learn and understand in my healing journey as it really opens up doors to letting trauma go.

Your pain doesn't define your truth.

Your truth is your truth.

It will stay true regardless of if the pain persists or leaves.

[silbeni]

Breathe, breathe, breathe

In which: Tomoko comforts young Ryoma after a nightmare

Characters: (DIU) Ryoma Román, Tomoko Higashikata.

Genre: Hurt/Comfort.

TW: Domestic Abuse. (No harm happens in-text, but it's not subtle.)

* includes mention if Tomoko having twins in reference to @/bioeiectricity’s oc! Go follow him!

Ryoma ran through a dilapidated house. Trash, both in and out of bags, were scattered throughout the ground. She was conscious not to step on it as the consequences weighed heavy in her mind. Dangerously close, a loud rush of footsteps echoed her own as a constant reminder to quicken her pace. 

There was no need for her to glance behind. She already knew her pursuer, just as she instinctively knew where to hide. Safety was close, just down the hall and to the second door to the right. 

They burst inside the familiar room, their room, slamming the door shut behind them. Their next steps were practiced, almost automatic. They grabbed a chair, and jammed it underneath the door knob. It wobbled worryingly, still attached but loose in its cavity.

There was no time to think, however. Soon, yelling and banging overshadowed the pounding of her racing heart. The door knob rattled so hard they thought it would pop off. Summoning her strength, Ryoma braced against the battered door, their body jolting with every impact it took. With no other course of action, they shut their eyes tight, sobbed and prayed for it to end.  

Ryoma abruptly sat up, sweaty and out of breath. The cold grip of fear had crossed over, along with the tears. It was less a dream, but a memory. It was all too real. 

 They stifled their sobs with their palm, so as not to wake the sleeping family. Even in their panicked state, they worried about inconveniencing others, though it was already too late for that. 

 “Ryo?” 

“...M-Ms Tomoko.”

They turned to see the woman emerging from a dark doorway. Moonlight highlighted her exhaustion laden features. The front pieces of her hair that were usually pulled back were now dangling in front of her face. They swayed gently as she moved closer.

Along with everything else, Ryoma felt an acute pang of guilt. She sniffled.

Tomoko sat beside Ryoma on the opposite end of the couch, leaving about a foot’s space between them. She reached over to place her hand over theirs. Despite having several other sleeping options, they had declined to sleep anywhere else. Now, she was starting to believe this was part of the reason why. 

“Did you have a nightmare?” She asked, though she knew the answer.

They nodded, salty tears trickling down their cheeks at the mention. They swiped them away with the back of their free hand. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

Ryoma shook their head.

Another door creaked, louder. This time, an alarmed Ryohei had stomped down from his room. At the top of the steps, his worries were assuaged when he saw the both of them sitting together. Tomoko peered up at him, and dismissed him with a wave of her hand. She's got this. 

The older man's brief appearance had stirred up another wave of tears. Ryohei slept upstairs. They must've been loud, Ryoma thought, feeling even guiltier still. 

“Wait a sec, I'll get you some tissues, okay?” 

Tomoko rose and made her way to the bathroom. It was pretty close by, and she knew how to find her way in the dark. It's a skill she’d acquired after many late nursing shifts. She would oftentimes have to navigate the house at night, with no lights on to avoid waking the kids. She recalled fond memories of kissing her children goodnight before heading out. It was a rough patch, certainly, but it wasn't all bad. A soft sob from the living room put a stop to her reminiscing. 

She quickly fetched a box of tissues from the bathroom cabinet and she was back. At 16 years of age, Ryoma was already much taller than Tomoko, yet…  there, on the couch, they had never looked smaller. She retook her seat next to them, placing the tissues in the space between them.

“Here you go.” 

Ryoma dried her tears and emitted a sad, little sound that was probably a thank you. 

“Can I get you anything else? Water?"

Ryoma said nothing for a bit. They stared down at their hands, wringing them. 

“C-can..I…have a hug?” They hiccuped.

Hearing those words, her heart squeezed painfully, tears welling up in her own eyes. “Yes, of course. Come here.” 

They embraced, and Ryoma released all that they were holding back. Tomoko rode it out, rocked her gently, interspersing warm assurances here and there. Back and forth, back and forth. At first, they clung to her tightly, as if Tomoko would vanish at any moment, leaving them desolate on the couch. But as time passed, her hold slackened with it.

Their sobs eased, and they were left sniffling, worn out. They were still with the exception of the occasional hiccup. Tomoko combed her fingers through their long hair. It was a surefire way to get Ryoma to fall asleep. When she brushed their hair, they always did, really no matter how short the session was…but Tomoko was willing to accept that outcome. Even if it meant being stuck in an uncomfortable position until Ryoma woke up. And she'd do it again.

None of them spoke for a long while, but they didn't need to. At that moment, resting her chin on Tomoko’s shoulder, there was no question they were loved. 

Then, Ryoma spoke. It was very quiet, and marred by sleep, but due to their proximity she was able to hear it. Tomoko swore she heard her say ‘mom’. She felt ready to cry again.

“Yes?”

A little more awake now, they broke away from her and spoke up. “You should go to bed. It's late.” 

Tomoko felt a little silly hearing that after using the same line so many times on her twins. Ryoma, though hardly ever gave her an occasion to. Such a hard worker, always so tired. It worried her, truthfully, but Ryoma would never let up. 

She smiled. “Okay, but you should come with me.” 

Ryoma was too sleepy to disagree. 

With a decent deal of effort, Tomoko managed to hoist Ryoma onto her back, and started towards her bedroom. Short as she was, the young mother was strong. It also helped that Ryoma was thin as she was tall, so the transition was fairly smooth. Tomoko laid them down on one side of the bed, and she took up the other.

“Goodnight.” 

Ryoma didn't answer. Tomoko looked to the side to find Ryoma already asleep. She was having another dream, but this time it would be much nicer. 

[lookwhatyoudidithasanxiety]

Believe it or not, Eclipse actually did genuinely care for Lunar. Eclipse just had no idea outside of villainous acts and pain to actually /show/ that he did. It was all he knew.

Like...OK this maybe a bad comparison BUT it's like a kid that came from an abusive family but has never known anything outside of that. It doesn't excuse anything that Eclipse did to Lunar but Eclipse literally didn't know better because all of what he "knew" about love and care wasn't really that.

Sun: I don't know about that, but the point still stands that he wasn't acting without thought. Not that we should compare traumas! But-

//Solar holds his hands as flat as he can, staring down at them. They still tremble and shake despite him holding them as flat and still as possible. There appear to be old cracks that have been soldered closed, as well as smaller ones.//

Solar: I can't hold 'em any more still than this right now. I wear the gloves ta help with that, an' so I don't drop everythin' I touch. Not ta mention- *pauses* Do ya promise not ta tell the others? I'm not ready for 'em all ta know yet.

Sun: I promise. I'm listening.

Solar: These're all from Moon. He did some of the mendin', but I did most of it 'cause he didn't do it right. It was just another way fer 'im ta hurt me.

Sun: How? How did he do it?

Solar: Hammers, mostly.

[tea-and-secrets]

i have diagnosed ptsd from a past abusive friend and im constantly having flashbacks and nightmares

none of my irls understand the severity of it and im always being victim blamed + people consistently take his side (he is incredibly manipulative and victimizes himself to no end)

he brought knives to school and threatened me daily. how am i the aggressor here. he stalked me and crossed every boundary i placed. how am i the aggressor here. i fawned and did literally everything in my power to diffuse the situation but none of it worked. how am i the fucking aggressor

i feel so alone and worthless. i feel pathetic and less than human. with every biting remark from someone taking his side, i feel myself retreating back into my mind a little more. words cant describe how degraded and dehumanized i feel. i think that other abuse victims could relate to this

my friends and family all take my side and think that i did everything i could to stop him

everyone who hears my side of the story ends up taking my side

but none of them really understand the effect it has on me

they dont understand how i remember everything on a loop until the late hours of the night

they dont understand how my face pales when i think i see him in public

they just dont get it and i dont think they ever will

thats all for now. i hope everyone here is having a good day. remember to drink water, get enough food, and take care of yourself

.

[mk-writes-stuff]

OC Questionnaire Game

Rules: answer the questions as your OCs, then come up with some new questions for the next people

Thank you @sunset-a-story for the tag! CW for mentions of physical abuse in the last question.

What do you do when you can’t sleep?

Belladonna: “I simply try to make myself. If I’m honest, I usually spend the time worrying.”

Cassie: “I fidget a lot. If I’m allowed to, I’ll get up and go work out. It calms me down.”

Nellie: “I usually sleep pretty well with my meds. I try not to think too much if I can’t.”

Do you forgive people easily?

Belladonna: “I try to. It hasn’t really come up much. It depends what they do - if they should’ve known better it’s hard.”

Cassie: “Nope. Fuck that. I’m not forgiving the people who fucked me up and you can’t make me.”

Nellie: “I’m trying! It’s hard to forgive Narcissus for what he’s done, but smaller things I can easily forgive.”

What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

Belladonna: “Probably passing out in the shower and concussing myself. Either that or the beating my dad gave me when I failed the ritual.”

Cassie: *gestures to her missing arm* “Maybe, just maybe, the time I cut my own fucking arm off?”

Nellie: “Physically, I’ve never been injured too badly. Probably one of the times Narcissus hit me.”

Thanks for the questions, these were good ones! @kaylinalexanderbooks @televisionjester @autism-purgatory want to play? Your questions are:

What’s your favourite flower?

Do you like parties? What kind?

Are you hiding anything from your friends (I promise the secret is safe with me)?

[prettyboyprincely]

And, in a shocking turn of events, it turns out the “anti groomer” crowd is okay with child abuse, so long as it is a cis person doing it

This is the world they want. A world where they can use violence to force children to conform to them.

[coolerdracula]

it's always oh my god are you okay and never yaayyyy you did a good job avoiding being bit or getting one your arms broken yippeee

[dyspunktional-leviathan]

Get it into your fucking heads that there's no such thing as a harmless nonconsensual action. That is literally what harm fucking is, something occuring to an entity without their consent. You cannot fucking evaluate things on "well what matters is not consent but rather will there be harm and how much" because nonconsent. Is. Harm. And harm is nonconsent.

The basest abuser logic. "Well I am hitting my kid for their own good!" no, it doesn't fucking matter that "well obviously hitting kids is bad I'm actually evaluating harm here!" No, you are not doing anything different from that parent. I can barely believe that I’m seeing folkel who advocate with that rhetoric and believe themselves anti-abuse but here we are.

[tadpoledancer]

the length boomers will go to defend child abuse is insane. you could post a video of a kid getting hit in the head with rocks and you'll have 64 year olds named patty and sheryl in the comments saying shit like "kids these days are so soft, back in my day my dad strangled me if I didnt turn in my homework on time" or some shit

[one-abuse-survivor]

first i want to say, i know you won’t be able to remember or find it because i didn’t sign it or anything, but a long time ago i vented to you about the abuse and trauma i was enduring, and i wanted to let you know that i’m in a much better state of mind now, and i’ve learned a lot of coping skills that have helped me emotionally regulate to the point i can function. thank you for listening to me during that time and being so supportive, it really helped a lot.

now comes a content warning: [mentions of abuse, physical assault, violence, rape]. i’d like to ask your thoughts on something new. i’m a young adult now, been one for years, i’m working on building my own life and everything, have a healthy romantic relationship now and all that. not everything is perfect, but things are pretty good compared to how it used to be. recently, i started having frequent vivid nightmares. it’s not just general scary stuff. i had a dream that a boy i’ve only talked to a few times raped me. he’s never done that in real life. the dream still felt real. i’ve had multiple nightmares about my dad physically and emotionally abusing me and my family. there’s lots of hitting. last night, i dreamt that he was physically assaulting us, and he even choked me out. i thought he was going to try to kill me. the dreams about my dad have relevance to real life, as he has abused us in real life, though not to the level of violence that my dreams have. i thought the nightmares might be part of trying to finally start to recover from long-term trauma. but some of the dreams don’t have anything to do with trauma i’ve endured. they’re always traumatic, but not trauma i’ve had in real life. i really don’t know what to think or to do. i’ve never had nightmares this bad before, not even in the midst of my real-life trauma. it makes it hard to sleep. i even feel afraid to sleep sometimes, like if one wakes me up in the middle of the night, i might try to stay awake because i’m afraid of what else i might experience when i fall back asleep. on one hand i want to know why i’m having so many so often, so that maybe i can use that information to help relieve myself of them. on the other, i want to know how to cope with them. i know they aren’t real, logically speaking, but i am having real, painful emotional and cognitive experiences, so the knowledge that it “isn’t real” doesn’t really help me. i wanted to ask your thoughts on this. thank you again for listening :) i hope you have a great day ♥️

Hi, nonnie! I might not know what your previous ask was, but I'm really glad to hear from you again and to hear you're doing well. I'm really glad to have been of help ❤️

The nightmares you've been having sound horrific, and I'm really sorry you're going through this :(

I can tell you that it's not uncommon to develop new symptoms of (C-)PTSD years after the traumatic events have stopped. So yes, the nightmares only recently starting up can be a PTSD symptom, even if they never happened during the time you went through the trauma. But I'm not a professional, and I can't really tell you why you're having them so often. I can theorise, and say that maybe as you've progressed in your recovery and have started to feel safe in your real life, your subconscious is feeding you horrible traumatic scenarios in an attempt to keep you prepared in case anything bad happens again, like it doesn't want to let its guard fully down yet. But that's just one possible reason this could be happening.

Also, although I've never had a phase of frequent nightmares as severe as yours, I have had many trauma nightmares over the years, and I've also dreamt about my mother doing things she never actually did in real life. So, you're not the only one! And I personally think it makes sense. Dreams aren't coherent or rational, and they naturally tend to mix reality with fiction, at least for me. So I personally don't worry too much about my trauma nightmares being an accurate reflection of the abuse I endured.

As for ways to cope with the nightmares, I'm afraid I also can't be of much help. I can tell you that certain habits can make us more prone to vividly experiencing/remembering our dreams. For example, if you consistently don't get enough sleep, your brain might sink directly into the deep sleep phase when you go to bed, and that can make you more aware of what you're dreaming. On a different note, one thing that used to help me years ago (not with nightmares, but with insomnia) was to fall asleep while reading the most boring books I could find, and not stop reading until I fell asleep. Maybe this could work as a distraction for you, to keep your mind away from replaying your previous nightmares in your mind as you fall asleep.

Is therapy an option for you currently? It sounds like a good therapist could give you some guidance on how to cope with the nightmares, and could also dig deeper into why this is happening and maybe give you some outlets or exercises to work through what's causing them.

I hope things get better soon. Sending all my support your way ❤️

[mathsbian]

Those posts that are like “call us ex-Christians not culturally Christian” piss me off so much.

Why? I was raised Christian. Culturally Christian works for me very well as a term to describe how I was raised. I was raised with a Christian culture and community surrounding me, Christian beliefs and values spoon-fed to me from infancy.

But I didn’t ever choose to be a Christian child. I was FORCED into it. I’m not an “ex” Christian. I was never a real Christian in the first place! I was a brainwashed kid just doing what I was told so I wouldn’t get hit again! I never really believed any of it, especially once I started spotting the gaps between what is actually in the Bible and what my family and their church believes.

So no. You all are not speaking for all “ex-Christians” when you say that “ex-Christian” is automatically better as a term than culturally Christian. I was raised Christian and do not believe any of it, and never did. I am not “ex-Christian”.

(Ex-Christian also doesn’t include people who weren’t raised religiously but still have Christian values and Christian-adjacent beliefs because of cultural osmosis. Like if your parents were raised religiously but never took you to church? That’s also culturally Christian!)

[nanlanmoarchived]

alrighty, ending this Mother's Day with this note on Jess and her mom, Ellen's relationship:

The dynamic that Jessica grew up in was twofold--

First, she knew that she was an accident and the only reason her parents stayed together past graduation. This affected her in a couple of ways, primarily that she felt guilty for the trauma her mother endured at the hands of her father because her birth inexplicably tied her mother's fate to her father, and she understood that she was the reason her parents were never able to achieve the dreams they'd set for themselves before Ellen got pregnant. As such, Jessica sought out any way she could make herself useful and helpful around the house. Before Eden was born, Jessica would follow her mother around like a baby duck, helping (as best as a young child can) to fill in the gaps and earn praise. Once Eden was born this shifted to being a second mom. Jess was only five when Eden came into the world and was helping to feed, change, wash, and look after her sister 24/7. As the pair grew older, this shifted to putting herself into the line of fire to protect her sister from her father's ire.

Second, she knew that she was the only one with the backbone to fight her father. She'd witnessed her mom's abuse first hand from a young age and hadn't been protected by her when the abuse turned to her. When he started yelling at Eden and Ellen stayed quiet, Jessica realized that she wasn't going to protect her sister and it was at that point that Jessica decided that the shit stopped with her.

Both of these dynamics broke Jessica's relationship with her mom from an early age. Most importantly because Jessica cannot (and truly never will) understand why her mother never stood up for herself or for her girls. This grew a deep-seated anger in Jessica not only on behalf of her sister but on her own behalf as well. As she gets older, Jessica understands that it wasn't a weakness, but as a child into a young teenager, all Jessica wanted was someone to step in and keep her safe and she never received that (not even after being turned). In any verse where she is able to have a connection with her mom, Jessica chooses not to because she struggles to move past the anger she feels toward the woman. She hates that she feels the need to protect the person who should've protected her, so she opts to not interact with her. She doesn't wish her poorly, but she doesn't ever want to give her any of her successes after she managed to get out of the situation that she feels Ellen should've at least tried to get them out of.

[lookwhatyoudidithasanxiety]

Lunar does have a point. He needs to learn how to cope in a way that does not involve harming others. He’s already proven to be a danger around others beyond you, midnight needs to learn to improve on his own

🪼

Sun: He has to take care of himself, you can't fix him. Clip, he threw you to the ground. He was gonna do whatever with those tools and-

Solar: Don't. I can't hear it, I know. *pulls the necklace out from under his shirt, rubbing his thumb over the polished blue pendant* It's gonna work out, it has to. He's my brother-

Lunar: But he isn't! Brother's don't treat each other like this!

[tea-and-secrets]

i love my mother and she is a great person but it can be difficult to reconcile that with how she physically abused me in 2021. and look. it was bad but it only happened a few times. she grabbed me by the neck and threw me against a tv stand once, and pushed me around a bunch.

but like. im not mad at her for it? i know she was going through a fucking lot then. we'd just moved out of my dad's house and he was pretty consistently verbally and emotionally abusive to her, our new house was moldy and messy and disgusting and she had to manage that, her job had her working 60 fucking hours a week, and she had to raise two kids on top of that. I get it. was it wrong, to hurt me like that? obviously. but i understand why she took it out on me.

and nowadays she's completely fine! nothing like that has happened again, unlike a certain other parent i can mention, anyway everything is so much better now and i love her. it still kind of weighs on me though and i don't know what to do with it. yeah

.

[henriiiii-1001old]

🖕 for AltThatcher from tmc unholy gift?

he mostly gets angry when things don't go his way or if he thinks abt thatcher or gabriel too much. he is a very power hungry guy who will do anything to keep it, especially in a desperate situation.

in terms of thatcher, if he squints he knows he'll never replace thatcher while he's still alive, so he'll sometimes try to soil thatcher's reputation. sometimes he lets all his anger out through murder, though that would be on the more extreme side for him.

in terms of gabriel, he's more mad at gabe for being the only person who holds more power than him. he tries so hard to keep his cool around gabe and try to act like the "obedient servant to the puppet master" while secretly plotting an overthrowing for his own benefit and no one else's.

he also got very prone to anger when he was with ruth. every time she'd try and be snarky with him or try to fight back, hell even talking about puppet being an alt, he just completely shuts down and tries to control the situation through gaslighting, guilt tripping, and even physical violence. he tries not to let it get to that point often even if that's his most effective (but not healthy) way to release his emotions because he doesnt want to push rth too far away from him or he'd lose his opportunity to have some control over things even if he doesnt take gabriel's or thatcher's place.

after ruth left, he basically went on a rampage, never being able to calm himself down for a good ass while because he let the one thing he could control get away, and even if he thought he manipulated her enough to force her to stay with him, she still chose to run away from him anyway. this just made him sort of spiral to a very big threat that he becomes near the end of the story.

he's even gotten mad at his own alt buddies (specifically tiffany who keeps pestering him abt how overthrowing gabe is a reeaaally bad idea), eventually scaring all of them off too, but they still reluctantly stick with him for most of the story because they're not supposed to feel any sort of human emotion, especially not fear.

[coolerdracula]

writing this system guide and including info about memory & emotion holding makes it seem so sad I need to include pictures of clowns or something so Frank doesn't get sad about it