#Personally yeah i can just filter the shipping tag but it still makes me sad | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kitkatopinions · 4 years ago

Note

The sad thing is that Blake's most healthiest option romance wise is someone who gives her space and willing to let her go. Sun fits this description perfectly. But they went with a codependent toxic relationship partially held together by guilt in which one side is clearly submissive and the other too worried and insecure.

Yeah, tbh, the send off to Sun at the start of volume six made me think they would pick up the relationship where it left off eventually for a couple different reasons, but one of them was this reason.

I want to preface this post by saying that A. I don’t really like Bumblebee and I don’t need a reason to dislike it even though I have reason to dislike it, B. I’ve shipped BlackSun from Sun’s first introduction, and C. also I’m coming at this as someone who has been in a co-dependent relationship, so all three of those things means I’m naturally a little biased. I’m not pretending this is all a super objective, impersonal interpretation. This is just me talking honestly about my thoughts towards a ship I don’t like. Bees, I’m sorry if this shows up in your tags, Tumblr is being screwy and I’m not trying to rain on anyone else’s posts. I’m using filterables and putting this under a keep reading to try and make it easier for Bumblebee fans to not see this.

I had - when I saw season six’s opening ep - given the show mad props for writing a romance driven relationship where the partners didn’t have to stay together all the time to still care about each other and be secure. It felt like the perfect move to me to get some distance between their characters while firmly establishing that Sun had never done the things he’d done ‘to win the girl,’ and didn’t consider himself ‘letting Blake go.’ Sun not only being willing to spend this time away from Blake, but to not even need it really said, and to have his own stuff he needed to do as well... All of that felt like a healthy, independent relationship. I don’t mean to get personal on main, but I’ve been in a relationship where I felt partially responsible for my partner’s happiness and he tried to do things like keep me from my friends or guilt me into things. I ignored the red flags because our relationship was important to me, but it made me feel pretty unhappy because I was always worried that if I didn’t do the things he wanted, he would get upset and over-react, and put himself down until I built him back up, and if we didn’t spend the majority of our time together, he would start talking about feeling like I didn’t really care that much about him and how lonely he felt. This was really exhausting to me, especially since I’m an introvert.

Sun always seemed like such a good partner for Blake because he was always so self-possessed, so confident in who he was already, independent and happy and accepting of Blake’s independence. Sun was always there for Blake, but he also was the one usually pushing her towards interacting with others too, they were able to go do separate things and even go on completely different missions with confidence and without drama. For a character who had previously been in a destructive, possessive, controlling, abusive relationship, it had seemed like a scene that clearly established Blake and Sun’s relationship as one where Sun wasn’t expecting Blake to stay with him all the time, respected her goals and her independence, and had his own life and his own friends too. I had kind of just assumed that the choice to have Sun leave the group and go to Vacuo was to further their relationship. Upon rewatching the scene later now that I know that the writers were already starting to try to implement Bumbleby, I can see how the show writers might’ve been intending that scene to be an amiable goodbye where Sun confirms to Neptune that they aren’t actually an item with his ‘it was never about that.’ But I just have to shake my head, because I was giving the writers credit for something they didn’t do.

Instead, they were trying to tie off the relationship between Sun and Blake by having him leave, not cementing Blake’s independence and Sun’s encouragement of that (and they tied it off badly imo because Blake freakin’ kissed the boy lol.) And once they had Sun leave, they started setting Blake up with Yang. I want to clarify that there’s nothing wrong with the writers deciding to go with Blake x Yang, and the ship itself was not a totally baseless one. I’m personally disappointed that one of my favorite RWBY ships isn’t going to be endgame, and I personally don’t like the idea of Blake and Yang as a couple. But my problem isn’t really with the ship itself, it’s with how the show writers have chosen to write the ship in execution.

Getting past the queerbaitery nature of Bumblebee as a ship, the choices surrounding Blake and Yang seem faulty on both sides (which I also think is important to remember. I’ve seen loads of people recognizing that Bumblebee as written in the show is destructive to Blake, but I’ve seen much fewer people talk about how it’s not the best for Yang too.)

Let’s start from the fact that Blake is an abuse victim. She was previously in a relationship with Adam and talks about his destructive and violent behavior. Blake has a really hard time trusting people because of how Adam had acted. He was explosive, manipulative, and he got angry at and hurt Blake specifically for leaving him. The last thing Blake would need is a relationship where she feels personally responsible for the stability of another person. The last thing she needs is to be pressured into staying with someone. The last thing she needs is to be expected to be with that person without the option of ever working with others. The last thing she needs is to be in a relationship where she can’t be apart from someone even temporarily without that person getting anxious and insecure or without having to feel guilty and like she did something wrong.

And yet the show has her in a relationship with someone that has abandonment issues. The show has her promise to stay with Yang in a moment of huge trauma, Blake crying out a desperate denial to the accusations of the abusive ex who had made her life hell, after he tried to again separate her from anyone she loved and she was forced to kill someone she had once deeply cared about. It was also a really weird choice of the writers to have the characters respond to a question over if they’d ever thought about working with other partners with dismissive and cold behavior as if the very idea was somehow wrong (especially since Yang spent quite a bit of time pre-volume six working with Weiss and Blake spent so much of her time working with Sun.) And the writers chose to frame Blake and Yang leaving on temporary separate missions in volume eight to result in insecurity and anxiety from Yang and guilt for Blake. On top of that, Yang is a person with a strong temper and aggressive tendencies. Although she seemed to be trying to work through those problems in seasons four and five, Yang backslid and seems just as controlled by her anger and her insecurities as her volume 2 self now, who had lashed out at Blake and angrily pushed her for not listening in ‘burning the candle.’

As for Yang, she lost her mom when she was very young (Ruby was a toddler,) and her dad temporarily shut down after that. She soon found out her biological mom had left her when she was a baby and spent her whole life wondering why while her uncle spent that time flitting in and out of her life and taking on dangerous missions - the same types of missions that had killed the woman who had raised Yang for the first part of her life. Yang has deep seeded fears of being abandoned and losing her loved ones, and she also has a history of trying to take care of and support the people around her even at her own personal expense. While Yang’s more selfless moments in season five - like giving up her dream of getting answers from Raven to follow and protect Ruby even when she clearly wasn’t wholly healed from her trauma - are admirable, what Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone who she feels like she has to protect and save and sacrifice for. What Yang absolutely doesn’t need in a partner is someone she feels like she can’t rely on to be there for her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who can’t give her stability or struggles to trust her. What she doesn’t need in a partner is someone who won’t call her out when she goes a little too far. And yet the writers chose to put Yang with someone who runs on the regular, the only member of their team who thought Yang might be lying about Mercury, someone who needs time and distance when Yang clearly needs someone who is consistent and present. And then the writers made it so that Yang and Blake spend very little time with anyone else. The writers made it so that they can’t be apart without guilt and anxieties.

And you guys, Blake in seasons 6-8 feels so needy. She’s consistently in need of saving, consistently doesn’t stand for herself, seems like she needs a lot of reassurance in her relationship, she’s consistently waiting for other people to make moves, etc. Even when Blake convinces Yang to divulge top secret information to Robyn, when Ironwood confronts them about it, Blake backs up and leaves Yang to explain their actions. In the early seasons, it feels like Yang cares more about their friendship than Blake does and that she’s putting in more effort, which don’t get me wrong, makes total sense since Blake had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and Yang’s clear anger problems (and her using a laser pointer to try and force Blake to talk to her,) might’ve made Blake hesitant to get close to or open up to Yang. But while it no longer feels like Yang cares more, it still feels like Yang puts in more work. Yang is constantly reassuring, protecting, comforting, and stepping up for Blake, while Blake is so passive and acts so dependent that I personally can’t help but feel like Yang must be exhausted. Yang needs stability and reassurance too, Yang needs a partner she can talk to and rely on to be there. When the writers did write Blake as trying to comfort and take care of Yang, it was way too much and had undertones of ableism. And I know, I know they had this ‘we’re taking care of each other’ moment when they were fighting Adam, but that’s just what we were told for one scene, and not what we’ve actually seen in their relationship.

The worst thing is that it didn’t need to be that way. Bumbleby could’ve been a really good ship that built on their foundation. Blake used to be an independent, brave, strong, active character. Blake stood up for herself to Weiss, told Ozpin to his face that he needed to do more for the Faunus, used to have a great, creative fighting style, used to be this sassy girl who’d banter with Sun and with Yang and when she did start opening up to Yang, it was a great way to start evolving their characters to be a strong relationship. In V3 when Blake admitted that she had doubts about Yang due to her past experiences with Adam, but opened herself up and decided to trust Yang anyway when Yang looked her in the eyes and told her sincerely exactly what had happened... That was so great and it really showed off the dynamic the two of them were starting to adapt. CRWBY might’ve immediately separated the two, but A. Seasons four and most of season five had great set up for them to work through their problems and then continue to grow that great dynamic we started seeing in the first three seasons. And B. their respective arcs continued their growth as characters even apart from each other. While I wish that RWBY had let the two work some of this out together, the growth that we were getting did make them more suited for each other. I’ll always ship BlackSun. But Yang getting a hold on her emotions, maturing, starting to work through her abandonment issues, and displaying just what a caring, honest person she was, at the same time that Blake was working through her past and her fears, learning to let people in, strengthening her resolve, and coming into her own as a leader... Come on, those two characters could’ve easily developed a good, healthy, strong, independent relationship and I’m legitimately sad that’s not what we got, especially since we sacrificed so much of Blake’s personality to get a worse ship.

I don’t even know what to say about it, tbh. Idk what else the writers expected us to think with how they wrote things. I’ve heard before that there was probably a cut scene in volume eight that included Yang and Blake fighting (which would then justify Yang and Blake’s reactions when they reunited,) and I do believe that, but the writers chose not to include it, and that made them look worse as a couple. Just like they chose not to include a scene where Blake and Yang work through the problem of Blake having left Yang without a word of explanation at the end of Volume 3. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake explains herself and Yang realizes that maybe she was being a little shortsighted about the trauma Blake had also gone through. And they didn’t include a scene where Blake actually learned that she didn’t have to protect or take care of Yang in volume six. And they haven’t included a scene where Blake puts just as much effort into their relationship as Yang does. And they didn’t include a scene where the two make it clear that they’re fine being apart. If anything, CRWBY has established the opposite, and it isn’t enough to just say that they’re taking care of each other, when they don’t show that to be the case.

Sun being not only willing to let Blake be with others, go her own way, and be her own person, but encouraging of that, made him a very compelling romantic prospect for her. Unfortunately I just don’t see that with Blake and Yang. Their relationship feels co-dependent, and maybe it’s just my personal experience talking and making me chafe, but I personally just don’t like it.

However, fans have been queerbaited long enough. So personal opinions aside, CRWBY give Bumblebee some confirmation you fucking cowards.

101 notes · View notes

wagner-fell · 3 years ago

Text

Spiders Are Ugly And Other Lies Capitalism Has Told Us (part one)

“Dad,” Astrid called out, shutting the coral coloured front door behind her. “Are you home?”

She dumped her cream tote bag spray painted with the words ‘Washing Machine Heart’ in big, rainbow letters onto one of the stools facing the granite countertop. The rest of the Merry Hoes followed suit. It was weird seeing a person as chaotic as Astrid in such a calm environment.

They were all spending the summer in LA with Astrid and her Dad. It had taken a while for Kevin to convince his family it was a good idea. Especially because he and Blessica had finally put years of pinning behind them. Making out on Kit’s bed at Mina’s third birthday party certainly wasn’t the way they had envisioned it but as the longing was over with, they were happy.

The Chu’s didn’t love the idea of their son living in a different country for three months with his girlfriend but we’re on board once Kevin assured them there was no possible way Blessica could get pregnant.

Kit wasn’t officially sleeping at the Yang’s but at the Institute with his boyfriend. Julian wasn’t so thrilled about the situation but Emma was. She was positively ecstatic about having a training partner as skilled as Kit was, courtesy of Jem and Tessa. Though staying a thirty minute drive away (on the wrong side of the road, Mari noted) wouldn’t keep Kit away for long. Even now he was with them instead of having his own reunion make out session.

Speaking of making out…

Mari rested their chin on the top of Astrid’s head and wrapped their arms around her middle. “Why don’t you show us your room while we wait for your dad to get home.”

It was kinda perfect, Mari often remarked, that she realized her feelings for their best friend weren’t so platonic as she previously led herself to believe at the same time they and Kit realized they were better off as just platonic.

Astrid hit her hand playfully. “That’s not fair!” she whined! ”How dare you take advantage of my constant hornyness when my God-fearing Presbyterian father could be in the next room? Shame! Shame on you, shame on your family, shame on your cow.”

“I’m pretty sure it’s ‘dishonor’”, said Kit, who didn’t even look up from his phone when he addressed her, “but go off I guess.”

Astrid looked like she was questioning all her life choices up to this point. “A white boy knows Mulan better than me.” She shook her head in disgust. Mari could feel the loose hairs of her girlfriend’s ponytail ticking her exposed collar bone. “Mulan.”

Mari laughed before softly brushing their lips against Astrid mop of bleached strands of pastel yellow, pink and blue mixed magnificently with her natural inky black.

“Is hornyness even a word?” Kevin wondered aloud as he observed the knickknacks placed at even intervals utop the kitchen cabinets. Blessica was with him. She was gazing at one of a crab steering a ship when she spotted a slim piece of paper taped below it.

“Ast,” she called. The both looked in her direction, despite Blessica needing the attention of one. “Your dad says he won’t be home till seven. Emergency at work.”

“Which leaves us more than enough time to pack and head over to meet Ty, Dru and Thaìs at the arcade,” said Kit. He finally turned his phone off and shoved it into the back pocket of his ripped jeans. “Marstrid can do the ol’ devil’s tango then catch up to us.”

‘Marstrid’ wrinkled their noses. “I thought we agreed on Astari, Christopher.”

“Astari sounds gayer,” confirmed Kevin, his eyes never leaving the miniature decorations.

“Not to be rude but why does Astari sound gayer?” asked a visibly confused Blessica.

“Because,” answered Mari, unraveling herself from Astrid to slide onto one of the bar stools and reaching into the Jolly Rancher jar, blindly searching for a green, “Astari has ‘star’ in it. Star equals astrology. An obsession with astrology is the price you pay for the gay agenda. Besides, Marstrid sounds like an old southern lady.” Then she furrowed her eyebrows and swiveled to face Astrid. “Southern is Texas, right?” Astrid nooded, a smile so big the Cheshire Cat would be jealous.

Without looking, she stuck her hand in the jar and pulled out a green apple flavoured hard candy on her first try. She held it out to Mari, who snatched it out of her hand with an angry huff.

“Hey, Ast, where do you guys keep the crisps?” asked Kevin when he finished inspecting all the knickknacks.

“Uh, under the barbecue sauce, I think.”

Kit’s eyes lit up. “So I’m sitting there”- Astrid understood what was happening in just enough time to quote- “barbecue sauce on my titties” in unison.

Mari put her head into their open palms, still sucking on the pity candy. “Why is this my type?”

“Are you sure this is the right place?” asked Blessica as Kit attempted to parallel park outside the location Ty had texted him to meet at. Key word, attempt. When Tessa had taught him to drive, he’d been such a disaster at parallel parking she had instructed him to ‘take the underground when tight spaces might be a possibility.’ Which he prided himself in doing. But this was America and the underground was called the subway, so, technically, no rules were being broken.

“Yes, Blessie, I’m certain.”

“Okay. Just checking cause a few turns back the GPS said-”

“Blessie!” He nearly crashed into the car in front of him.

“Right. Shutting up.”

When Kit managed to park with minimal damage and the three were about to exit, the voice of Nicki Minaj boomed from his pocket. Ty was calling him. He accepted the call, putting it on speaker.

“Hello Tiberius.” There was giggling from the other end of the line. A groan soon followed it.

“It’s been a year,” came the annoyed voice of Dru. “Get over your British kink already.” Kevin’s laughter echoed from the backseat.

“Hey Ty!

“Hi Kevin.”

”Hey Dru!”

“Fuck off.”

“Ouch. Why do you feel the need to hurt me so?” Blessica laughed.

“Hey…Thaìs?”

“Here,” replied Thaìs cheerfully.

“Are you here yet,” asked Ty.

“Uh, yeah! We were just getting out of the rental car when you called. You didn’t tell me it was going to be crowded. I had to parallel park!”

“What are you talking about?” interrupted Dru. ”There are only four cars in the parking lot.”

“But,” Ty countered, “there are lots of Billy’s Fun Zones’ around here. You guys must have got mixed up and taken a wrong turn. I could have sworn I sent you the correct location on GPS.” Maybe Ty said more on the subject but Kit could hear anything or see anything except the superior smirk Blessica was giving him.

He covered the speaker. “Not. A. Word.” And no word came out of her mouth the entire ride to the correct Billy’s Fun Zone but the ‘I told you so’ look on her face spoke loud enough.

Kit slid back into the booth next to Ty, handing him his pretzel. Ty kissed him on the check in gratitude.

Dru and Ty were right. About this one being empty. He told him he had heard about it from Alyssa. Her pack frequented it often. They were left alone because, well, there was no one else there to bother them.

“Where are Astrid and Mari?” he asked.

“Fucking. I think. Or maybe just making out. I’ll know which one when they finish.” When Ty gave him a puzzled look he continued, “Astrid describes it all to me in full detail. I honestly don’t know whether she doesn’t have a filter or she just needs someone to scream to about how amazing Mari is.”

“Why can’t it be both?”

“True, true.”

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes before Ty picked up the conversation again. “When Thaìs first met Astrid, she had a huge crush on her. They got along great. I always thought they would end up together. Or hook up at the very least.”

“Huh, that’s funny,” observed Kit.

“What is?”

“When me and Mari split, I was planning on trying to set them up with Thaìs. But then I caught her ans Astrid making out in a storage closet at school. Which, in hindsight, was pretty stupid cause they were in there so I wouldn’t be sad Mari moved on when I opened the door in the first place avoiding her to call you.”

“Hmmmm.”

The gears in Ty’s head were visibly turning. Kit loved watching this process. An idea was forming in his boyfriend’s genius mind, he could sense it.

“What is their stance on monogamy?” he asked finally.

“Um, fuck, hold on. Mari sent me this whole speech about it.” Kit scrolled through his phone at a rapid rate before he saw what he was looking for. He cleared his throat and began reading aloud.

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:52 AM: monogamy is just another lie capitalism has fed us

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:55 AM: like, for example, the notion that house spiders are ugly and to be feared

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:56 AM: it’s just to sell bug spray

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:56 AM: same with monogamy

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:56 AM: pointless!!!

Mari_da_bisexual_whore, sent 1:58 AM: in conclusion, if I want to join a polyam cult, who tf is the government to stop me?

Kev-Kev, sent 2:01 AM: mari please go to sleep

Bless-ing_to_the_world, sent 2:04 AM: ^^^^^^^^^^^

Mitski_my_love, sent 2:05 AM: preach!

Mitski_my_love, sent 2:05 AM: go off queen

By the time Kit was finished with his dramatic reading, Ty’s plan was fully formed.

“That settles it! We are going to play matchmakers!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alyssa, Ty’s friend mentioned is @thechangeling OC, not mine.

@the-blackdale @the-wckd-powers @adoravel-fenomeno @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @illusions-give-reasons-to-live @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @sofiatheskeleton @cncnbr @its-taff @noah-herondale-lightwood @maxboythedog @arangiajoan @shelvesofgold @book-dragon-not-worm sorry if I missed anyone LMK if you want to be added or removed from The tag List!!

#mari machado sotomayor #mari machado #mari the werewolf #tiberius blackthorn #dru blackthorn #ty blackthorn #drusilla blackthorn #blessica reyes #the merry hoes #kevin chu #astrid yang #kit rook #kit herondale #thais pedroso #the secrets of blackthorn hall #the wicked powers

34 notes · View notes

seeingteacupsindragons · 3 years ago

Note

Hi hi! This isnt an ask but I hope to idk like make you feel a bit better.

No, I dont think you did anything wrong! It just that maybe people thought you had change fandom and interest ya kno. So I guess its sad but very common to just silently leave.

In my case, I love all the jeweler richard post. Thats actually the main reason why I followed you. But I dislike Yuumori and I even mute the word and the ship. It just so happen you like Yuumori and the ship. So of course I wont be interested.

So people just change interest all the time! So you did nothing wrong and in fact I think you still doing as good as when I first follow you. Im more of a lurker so you wont know me and I cant promise that I can send any interesting asks (bc im a basic person sorry lol) but if it makes you feel better, Im really am fond of you. I follow you from twitter, join the jeweler richard discord group that you link, and until tumblr.

So yeah. In my opinion, you are just fine! Maybe there will be other fandoms that we share same interest in the future 🌺 but for now, know that theres a lurker that still come back to your old Jeweler Richard posts (wait that sound a bit creepy but I swear I meant well! 😘)

I hope you are in good health!

I mean, that's why I try to be good at tagging things nowadays. I know not everyone is interesting in all the things I am, so I try to make things at least...filterable.

The last couple times I accidentally ran into this, though, were actually YuuMori people, so it's not like a thing I don't talk about anymore? IDK. This morning one of these people liked a couple of my newer posts and I was wondering what was up with them and found a post insulting YuuMori for...uh, well, the usual things that it's not actually doing wrong.

So maybe they did just get bored of me, but I'm confused why they're interacting with my stuff, and what I did wrong, and just...yeah.

I don't know. Social media has been exhausting lately and I've been feeling rather maudlin lately in general.

5 notes · View notes

adozentothedawn · 3 years ago

Note

Caduceus for the character ask? :)

Ah, not a Pillars character, I am intrigued! :D

Ask is here.

First impression

Truth is, I've always been thouroughly spoilered about chritical role, even when wasn't watching it yet, so my first impression was mostly, "Uh, pink cowman!" Followed later when I started by "I'm excited for the fluffy cowman, but also Mollyyyyyyyyyyy".

Impression now

I love him. Just. So much. I want to hug him. I want to drink his tea. I want him to tell me it's gonna be fine. Just. Give me more of him please. Taliesin, how do you keep doing this to me? Caduceus is also literally the only representation of an ace character I have ever seen and it makes it so much better I just can't love him. I don't care if some people think it's word of god. (Though there might be a talk about it some point? Maybe? I don't know I'm only at episode 80 something.) And it's such good rep too! I'm so excitded for his Trent talk.

Also how has no one made art of blowdried Caduceus yet? He is a cowman! Give me a fluffed up Caddy! There is a fic though which very is cute. (Nevermind I found one! I need more though 👀)

Favorite moment

I don't think I can choose, he has so many good lines. "I only have like, three cups." "He'll be dead eventually." "Sleep well with your bad decisions." "I met a ghost who I didn't want to punch. " "I'm always happy when they're here." I'm always a sucker for angst so him getting resurrected was also great. Also the Trent speech of course, but technically I haven't seen that one yet.

Idea for a story

Not really any to be honest. You'd think I'd jump to write fics about him but I don't really have any inpiration for that. Maybe once I'm done with the show I'll get to filling eventual needs I still have.

Unpopular opinion

I'm not really in fandom so to speak, so I don't really know what's popular and what not, I just personally wish people wouldn't write romantic ships with him. And no, I don't care if you try to justify why this aroace character is now in a relationship or having sex or whatever, you have so many characters to ship, you can leave this one alone. I'm not gonna start any fights with someone or anything, and Ao3 let's you filter tags for a reason but I do want to put it out there. Also, I want these people really think about how they would react to someone writing straight fics for a gay character. Just really think about it. Yeah, taking away rep suddenly doesn't seem so nice, does it? So please leave mine alone.

Okay my rant is over now, I just had to get this out of my sytem. I haven't a lot ship fics anyway, but there are a few and I'm dissapointed every time.

And I guess I'd also wish for more fics of him? Just without shipping. And there are some good ones, don't get me wrong! But it really seems that some people have decided if they can't ship him they're just not gonna write him. I'm not judging anyone in perticular here and nobody has to feel called out or anything! Nobody has an obligation to write a character or anything they have no interest in writing. It's just a larger trend that makes me personally kind of sad.

Favorite relationship

I love his realtionship with every one really! I feel like Fjord would be the basic answer, but if I really have to choose I'll say Melora. I'm always a sucker for cleric relationships and there are so many lovely takes and art out there. Also "Mom, put it back!" is one of the greatest comics I've ever seen. xD

Favorite headcanon

Not sure I really have one. Aside from the fact that he definitely gets fluffy when properly dried. That is fact though, no one can deny me this. Fluffy cowman for the win!

(As a side note for anyone reading this, if you have some angsty comfort fics for Caduceus, please feel free to send me the link, I need some more therapy for this man. He alwas tries so hard for everyone else, he deserves some attention too.)

#response #thanks for playing!^^#critical role #caduceus clay

14 notes · View notes

darkelite020 · 3 years ago

Text

Bad Batch thoughts & predictions Ep 7

Continuing these written reactions/predictions somewhere cause itd be fun I think to see what actually ends up happening and remembering what I thought at the time so im dumping it here, youre welcome. (Feel free to discuss if you want) if you want to keep up with it im gonna be tagging these as #jay rambles about bb

- Ruby? Did I forget? Who/what is Ruby? -- Oh ok. Interesting bounty I suppose. - Wrecker and Omega have a completing mission tradition? That is SO cute. - Hooded person is here >> -- I’m still holding out on my rex or ahsoka predicition because I think it would make sense for the sisters to call them since theyre friends with ahsoka and obviously she knows about clones and Rex is/was with her last we saw him... but the hooded persons eyes definitely aren’t ahsokas so I think it’s rex and if it is Im gonna be so happy - “Thats not her ugly side?” FFF Tech you bastard I love you - I SEE THE WHITE AND BLUE ARMORED ARM IM GONNA SCREAM - I’M SCREAMING -- REX I MISSED YOU SO MUCH I’M SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU AGAIN AHHHHH --- I KIND OF POKED FUN AT MYSELF THIS WEEK REBLOGGING A MEME OF A GRANDMA SAYING ‘REX WILL BE IN THE NEXT EPISODE’ AND SOME YOUNGER PERSON EXCORTING THEM AND SAYING SOMETHING LIKE ‘OK GRANDMA LETS GET YOU INSIDE’ OR SOME SHIT BUT **VIOLENTLY POINTING AT THE SCREEN** MY LOVE IS HERE - Cid shut the fuck up he is a KING how dare you - Oh no. Oh god. “thats a long story.” Is he going to talk to him about his pov with 66 and about the ship and Jesse AND FIVES OH FUCK -- So it skipped to Rex talking about the end of the war but we didn’t hear really the story itself, and I really hope thats not all we get when it comes to him talking about the people he and at least echo knew. Like if he talked about Fives learning about the chips and not being listened to and that resulted in 66 because of the chips where activated and made them betray the jedi but we get no reaction from Echo I’m going to be pretty disappointed honestly. Like I get the bad batch not really knowing the squad so they have excuses but Echo did, and I really hope they don’t do the thing “Oh well Echo was caught by droids so now he doesn’t care about them anymore” because... that sucks. Like honestly Echo wasn’t even super crazy about seeing Rex either tbh (I get that Echo feels like he doesn’t fit in with regs and thats all fine and dandy) but it kinda feels like he doesn’t give a shit about what he’s gone through with other people. ---Rambling and getting off topic now because I have some shit between Echo and Fives: but if thats the case like we all know it fucked up Fives when he thought Echo was dead so if Echo isn’t the same way about Fives I guess thats just like... depressing and it sucks because everyone sees them as “that duo”. Again we really don’t know what Rex said exactly so its possible it didnt get brought up but if it did... - Wrecker picking up Rex is so cute but you can see the fucking worry in Rex’s eyes for being picked up by him cause Wrecker would throw him and agjsdb I love it. - Omega straight up being like “youre old” while looking at Rex’s face PFFT no filter kid. - REX KNOWS ABOUT WRECKER -- Good I’m very happy Rex is calling them out on this inhibitor chip shit. ‘Oh crosshair was just an exception’ should definitely not be an excuse. - Oh alright so the glimpse in the trailer was a junkyard and not the same thing. Same kind of ship but not where the graveyard is. Honestly thats kind of a relief. - OH SHIT I WAS TALKING ABOUT FIVES NOW THEY ARE BRINGING HIM UP IM GONNA CRY ABOUT FIVES ALL OVER AGAIN -- wait.... now I don’t know if they know or not about him. - The scenery in this show is really pretty im just gonna go ahead and give some appreciation. - Oh no Wrecker! Pull up the rope!!!!!! He can climb but you can also pull him!!!! -- Thank god. - Omega talking about if something goes wrong? It’s not like theyre all gonna die at the same exact time.... like theyre only gonna do the surgery one at a time so... Omega what are you imagining sis? Like if one person turns? It’s still kind of unlikely that they could defeat the other very talented people in the room. - OH SHIT TECH YELL FOR HELP - HEY THIS HURTS MY FEELINGS DAVE HEY HEY -- LIKE YEAH THEY CANT POSSIBLY KILL THEM ALL CAUSE THE SHOW NEEDS TO GO ON BUT HEY --- Lowkey predicting they could all turn by the end of the show season cause like if they dont beat wrecker and cant use the medical bay then they are fucked. Also especially think this is gonna happen because one of the directors literally said the second half of season 1 is gonna get emotional and holy shit can you imagine. ---- WHAT IF THEY DO AND ITS JUST OMEGA AND REX TEAMING UP TO SAVE THEM HOLY SHIT AND ITD GIVE EVEN MORE OF A MEANING TO THE WORDS “THE BAD BATCH” - Holy shit this fight Wrecker grabbed ECHO BY HIS FUCKING FACE - Ok I was seriously wondering about Omega’s concerns but now HOLY SHIT CAUSE THATS ALL I CAN SAY LIKE THEYRE NOT DEAD BUT OH MY GOD I DIDN’T THINK ITD GO DOWN LIKE THIS - THANK YOU REX OUR HERO - I know we’re all having a moment after Wrecker but can you guys like team up to move him off the table and get your own done like even if its a bit risky cause we don’t need a repeat of what just happened like yeah theres not enough time in the episode for it but still - The *immediate* little head pat “Hey kid” ;-;

- Ok I’m glad theyre getting them out - THE GENTLE REASSURING TOUCHES IN THIS EPISODE *deep breath* ARE GIVING ME SERATONIN - Wreckers apology ;-; THIS IS SO FUCKING SAD AND CUTE - Rex is leaving already? :( Be safe you funky little space soldier. - Not really surprised the empire is gonna know they were there cause it was only a matter of time but if theyre smart theyd get off planet and back to Cid before the empire gets there to see whats up. -- Im sure they’ll realize they removed their chips though, I wonder if crosshair will show up (he probably will) but if he does rather its gonna be a fight there between the empire and bb maybe the bb can win and save crosshair or they have to retreat and something else goes on idk. - Would love if Crosshair was saved because he really got the short end of the stick and is being called “the bad batch” but like he’s not even really there with them for the show so far... also you can tell subtly that he doesn’t like being alone which is fucking sad :tm: because all his friends are gone and it hurts even more now because wrecker was talking about how he didn’t want to do things and he was trying not to hurt them and stuff in his apology and you know damn well Crosshair is the same way about his friends he’s probably just a lot less expressive about it. -- Honestly even bad batch aside can you imagine how terrible all of the clones feel like all the regs over all knowing theyre the downfall of the jedi and thinking that they were trying to resist it too. Like they know whats happening and deep inside theyre themselves but they cant do shit about it. That fucking hurts me. This is a longer post but this episode was a roller coaster for my emotions.

#the bad batch #bad batch spoilers episode 7 #tcw spoilers #jay rambles about bb #the clone wars #the clone wars spoilers #tcw #star wars #bad batch spoilers

11 notes · View notes

ramblings-of-a-mad-cat · 3 years ago

Note

i don’t get why they made Merula a dating option in romance TLSQs & the dating minigames if she’s still gonna keep treating MC like shit in the main story, i really don’t. if it were me i’d never date anyone who’s horrible towards me most of the time & when we’re in front of others but softens up when we’re alone. i know there’s some people who love that shit & eat it right up but i just can��t get on board with it at all. i just think MC doesn’t deserve that from the person who supposedly loves them. that’s not just her being a “tsundere” like ppl claim she is, it’s worse than that. it’s not even like dating her makes a huge impact in the main story, like it gets brought up now & again & she gets flustered, then she continues treating them poorly as if it never happened. having a sad past isn’t an excuse to treat someone you love this badly so often. how do you Merula x MC shippers put up with it?

There's a very simple reason, and I doubt it will make you happy, but I think it's just how it is. Merula is a dating option because of popular demand. I fully understand why a significant portion of the fandom would miss her one bit if she was cut, but another group of people would miss her terribly. I've speculated in the past that Jam City, or at least a few people on the main team, ship this pairing. Make of this what you will, but the original head writer cited this as his favorite fan made project. Make of that what you will. So I'm afraid the developers may not be on your side for this one, but it's not like you have to date Merula. So luckily, you should be able to avoid that kind of interaction with her in the game. In the fandom...yeah, not as much. A lot of us adore Merula, and love to talk about her character and ship her with our MCs. I suppose you can always filter out tags about her, but that becomes a problem as she is, like you said, a part of the main story.

She's a very major part of the main story, and one of the cornerstones of her character is just how terribly she treats MC. She was the original villain of the game, before we knew about R. She eventually became more of an ally, without losing her prickly nature. And right as it seemed like she was on the verge of real change, of growth as a person, before everything went wrong at the end of Year 5. For most of Year 6, it seemed that we had settled into a permanent dynamic of her being on MC's side, yet being a total jerk about it...but then we had the rug pulled out from under us once again in Y6CH45. Maybe future developments will lead to Merula becoming a better person, whether or not she was romanced, but ultimately this is the reason that it hasn't happened yet. She's like Ben. She's too important to the story for her to change in any meaningful way outside of what the story itself has already planned. This may have been the reason that Ben was cut so long ago. But Merula was so popular that Jam City decided it was worth it to keep her in. Well, either that or they had always written MC x Merula to be the "canon" pairing, but that is still just speculation.

Don't get me wrong, I've been frustrated with Merula before. The crush on Jacob during Year 6 was just needless salt in the wound. Like, barring everything else, I think most MC x Merula shippers have to accept that, if they had their MC dating Merula in Year 5, well...they broke up in Year 6. Things could still change, and I obviously hope that they do. But the reason us MC x Merula fans can stand her is that, for every scene that drives us crazy, we get another wonderful bit like the "Merula Snyde infatuation" scene, which is not only cute ship-tease but also hilarious as all hell. I could bore you wish gushing about moments like those for three more paragraphs, but I won't. What it comes to is that everyone has different tastes.

#Merula Snyde #Merula Snyde x Jacob's Sibling #HPHM Jacob's Sibling #Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery #Jam City #Ramblings #HPHM Analysis

11 notes · View notes

afewmarvelousthoughts · 4 years ago

Text

Falling Ch. 7

Master List: @afewmarvelousthoughtsadmin

Pairing: Bucky X Reader [and a few more to come]

Summary: For a moment you had something good, something wonderful. But moments pass. Now, left with nothing but the ashes of a life and a love you fought so hard for, you find yourself in a free fall. Who will you be once you hit the bottom? [Sequel to Only For A Moment but can be read independently.]

Warnings: Loss, grief, drug/alcohol abuse, violence

A/N: Hello again! So this is another shorter chapter but there is a lot happening. I think you can expect shorter chapters for the most part as we roll forward with this story (along the lines of the majority of Only For A Moment) because that’s easier for me to maintain.

There’s also some hints here about what we can expect from our reader in the future, lmk if you have thoughts!

TAGS ARE OPEN

“Oh for fucks sake!” Rocket yelled as your comm cut out. It was just as likely that you were dead as it was that you turned it off.

And if you weren’t dead he was tempted to fix that little problem.

“Nebula, do you have eyes on Trouble,” he found that was a better name for you.

“I’m a little busy!” She yells back.

He massages his temples as he tries to keep himself from outright screaming.

In moments like this, he actually misses the old you. At least when you spent your days in bed, drunk, silent, moving through the ship like some sad ghost he wasn’t worried you were going to get him killed.

He really should have appreciated those weeks of peace more. Never should have taken you to Contraxia, never should have coaxed you out of bed. What he should have done was leave well enough alone and just make sure you didn’t drink yourself into a quiet death.

But no. He just had to get involved.

Now, he was going to have to get out of this pod and find you. That was not the plan. He was supposed to stay in the damn pod. He was the eye in the sky.

But no. No, you had to go and make this complicated.

“I got it!” You say, comms coming in clear, just as he’s about to head down.

“What the fuck do you-”

“Did I stutter?” You huff, clearly running. “I got the payload and I’m heading to the drop point and-” Rocket can make out the sound of a large weapon behind you. “I’d really appreciate you being there right about now!”

“Neb-” He begins.

“En route,” she cuts him off.

He brings the pod down just as you and Nebula make it on the platform, behind you both a concerning amount of muscle in hot pursuit.

“What happened to quiet in and out?!” He screams.

“Just open the door rat!” Nebula yells. He notes that your arms were full of more than just the case you were all being paid to retrieve.

Between you and Nebula, he was pretty sure he was headed toward a much earlier grave. Grumbling he lays down cover fire as he lowers enough for you both to board the pod.

“Woo!” You exclaim as Rocket coaxes the pod as fast as it can go toward the Benetar. “Not too bad.”

“You realize you’re bleeding profusely, yes?” Nebula asks.

Rocket glances back. He’d assumed the blood on your face was from someone else. Now he can see a deep gash splitting the right side of your face from forehead to below your cheekbone.

“Yeah,” you sigh. “Ca’al was aiming to take my head though, so I’d say I came out better than expected.”

“Can’t imagine why he’d want your head,” Rocket rolls his eyes as he docks the pod.

“It’s a mystery,” you say as the hatch opens.

“Wait…” Nebula says, hovering in the pod after the two of you have disembarked.

“Ergons take honor pretty seriously,” Rocket says. “Which is why ‘not fucking the mark’s wife’ is high on the list of things not to do when you’re trying to keep a job low key.”

“There was a list?” You quip, turning to face them, smiling despite the wound.

“I’m beginning to think all Terrans are like this,” Nebula says low to him.

“Possibly.” You drop the contents in your arms, kicking a case toward Rocket. “That’s what we came for. And I’ll split the rest if someone will help with this,” you gesture to your face.

“I’m tempted to let you bleed out,” Rocket says as he opens the case. Five tubes filled with glowing viscous liquid are nestled tightly inside.

“Gonna have to wait for a bigger wound for that,” you say as you have a seat.

“With your track record, Trouble, I don’t think I’ll have to wait long.”

You shrug, “I’m apparently like a cockroach.”

“What does that mean?” Nebula asks as she examines the cut.

“Very hard to get rid of,” you hiss the last word.

“Are they formidable beasts?”

“They’re Earth vermin,” Rocket says as he takes inventory of your haul. He hated to admit that it was impressive. Whatever your shortcomings, you were an exceptional thief--he had to respect that at least.

“Same thing,” you say standing. “I mean, look at you.”

“Very funny,” he smiles despite himself.

“This is likely going to scar,” Nebula says.

You shrug, “It’ll just enhance my roguish charm.”

“And piss off the Captain,” Rocket grumbles as he locks the case you’d all been paid to retrieve into one of the storage crates.

“So you admit I’m charming?” He throws a sideways glance at you as Nebula forces your smirking face back to her. “Ow!”

“Who said you were charming?” Rocket asks. “I just don’t want any lectures about ethics and safety from Cap.”

“Which, Cap?”

“Either.” He inspects a container of very high-grade ammo. “How’d you know where this shit was? No way it was just out in the open.”

You peek around an exasperated Nebula once more, “There are benefits to fucking the mark’s wife.”

“Stay still!” Nebula snaps. “You’re lucky you didn’t lose the eye.”

Rocket shakes his head. Lucky may be a better nickname than Trouble.

The way you managed to walk a razor edge, never quite tipping one way or the other was impressive. And every job you’d been in on over the last eight months ended up in a payday at least twice what they’d bargained for. Still, there was an all too familiar air of self-destruction about everything you did. Like you wanted something to tip you, slide the scales just a bit past no return.

When he looks back he notices the slightest tremor in your right hand.

Back on earth, he’d seen it a few times, mainly when emotions were high. No one else seemed to notice it, how each time the air rippled just a bit as some of your hold on that insane telekinetic ability of yours slipped.

These days, more often than not, it meant you needed a drink.

“There,” Nebula declares. “That’s the best I can do.”

When she stepped back he could see that Nebula’s best was actually pretty good. The gash had been reduced to a raised bright pink stripe bisecting your left brow, stopping in the middle of your cheek.

“Thanks, Nebula,” you say sincerely. A whir comes from the main cabin as a bottle flies into your open right hand.

“So, how much we got?” You ask as you open the bottle.

“Can probably get 4,000 credits from the ammo alone,” he holds out his hand and you pass him the bottle. No reason he can’t benefit from your vices.

“Hear that, Nebula? At least 2k each for the ammo.”

“Excuse me?” He passes the bottle back to you.

“Did you help fix my face?”

“My ship. I get a cut of everything, Trouble.”

“I only helped because I was getting half,” Nebula manages something between a grimace and a smile.

Rocket playfully rolls his eyes, “Then you can take her half.”

“The disrespect,” you say on a sigh. “Bleed for your crew, then they cut you out.”

“Yeah, yeah. Such a martyr,” he says over his shoulder as he heads toward the deck. “We’ll get the best deal on Paramatar. We’ll get paid for the case then head there.”

Paramatar was a bad idea. A very, very bad idea.

The money was too good and the distractions too plentiful. Not Contraxia levels of plentiful, but what it lacked in variety it made up for in cost. Everything save for information and ammo was cheap.

He should have kept an eye on you. Or at least asked Nebula to since she couldn’t help but stay sober.

Yes, luck seemed to favor you more times than not. You were also heartier then most humans from what he could tell and you’d picked up on how things worked out here quickly. Still, there were substances and situations you didn’t know were better left alone.

Or maybe you did know and chose to ignore sense.

Who could say? Because when Nebula found you half dead after two days there wasn’t anyone around who knew what happened.

“We should take her home,” Nebula said after the medic left with assurances that you weren’t about to die. “They can help.”

He doubted that. Still, he knew it was the best call. Plus, he could use some peace.

Warm morning sun filtered in through the window, making the few silvery strands in Bucky’s hair shine.

He sat between your legs on the living room floor with his back against the couch. As your fingers combed through the silky mass of hair, his fingers massaged your right calf, still sore from Okoye’s brutal training the day before.

This had become your ritual most mornings.

Usually Bucky was the first out of bed, proving that he was far more a morning person than you’d ever manage to become. He’d start coffee, put on some music, and slip back into bed to wake you before your alarm went off.

It was the best way to begin your day.

Once up you’d down a cup of coffee, talk about nothing, then by cup two he’d be sitting just as he was now--humming along to whatever song played while you methodically sectioned off his hair to braid it back.

The first morning you’d done it on a whim. You frequently found your fingers tangled in those beautiful dark locks and had just happened to put it in a french braid.

That evening he’d casually mentioned how good it was to not have his hair in the face while he worked.

You knew he’d never actually ask. He was constantly concerned he would somehow inconvenience you or be a burden as it was. So since then you’d just begun doing it, without coaxing or preamble.

When you finished he let out a long content sigh, leaning his cheek against your bare thigh.

“Thank you,” he placed a kiss on your knee.

“Of course,” you leaned over, kissing the tender flesh just behind his ear. He hummed with satisfaction, turning his head to look up at you. The morning light turned his eyes a beautiful icy grey-blue.

“I love you, doll,” he says, eyes crinkling as he smiles.

“I love-” you hiss in a breath as pain tears through your skull.

He doesn’t react, doesn’t move, just sits between your legs smiling… Before he turns to dust.

You try to call his name, scream, anything but the all-consuming thrum of your power prevents you from doing anything but sit in frozen agony.

Like an angry beast it thrashes inside your skull, zinging down your spine, until every nerve ending in your body burns with it.

Stop, you don’t know to whom or what you’re begging but it’s all you can manage.

The edges of your vision begin to blur, your warm Wakandan living room fading to an endless swirl of colors and shapes before shadow crept in. Those shadows swelled consuming everything leaving you in an endless, familiar, void.

By now, this place--realm, or whatever it was that your mind saw when your perception went beyond what you were capable of comprehending--was starting to feel familiar. When you last found yourself here, after a night of too much excess, you’d thought of it as The Nothing.

This time a different thought pushes its way in from somewhere in the abyss.

Oblivion, it whispers.

Yes. That felt right. The perfect word for this void that seemed to exist between all things.

Absently, you wonder if you should feel fear rather than this strange sense of peace. Even the hunger that never left you, the howling need for power the stones planted in the marrow of your bones seemed sated, as though there was power enough hidden in the darkness.

Yes, that same whisper from nowhere and everywhere replies.

Now, the fear comes. You will yourself back, forcing your mind to grasp for existence like a drowning man reaches for the surface.

You shoot upright, gasping for air, squinting in the bright afternoon sun.

Sun shone bright on your face.

This was not your dim room on the Benatar.

And…

“About time,” Steve says groggily from a chair in the corner.

“How?” You croak.

He stands, stretching, and crosses the room to fill a glass of water from the decanter by your bed. You take it gratefully, though you feel the ache for something stronger.

“Rocket and Nebula brought you back yesterday.”

Yesterday.

Futility, you try to piece together a series of events.

The three of you had landed on Paramatar, offloaded the haul, split the credits, and… Things got hazy after that.

“Apparently, you’ve been unconscious for over three days,” he sat on the edge of the bed, looking you over. “You look like shit by the way.”

“Thanks,” you say, voice still rough. “You don’t look dewey either.” His hair had grown longer, his beard thick, the circles under his eyes spoke to too many sleepless nights.

“Shocked you remember what I look like,” he snips.

The shot hits its mark and guilt blooms in your chest.

It had been at least 5 months since you’d spoken to him. Once you’d managed to make it back to something closer to a human you simply couldn’t stand the reminder that speaking to him brought, that you had to come back here eventually. You’d wanted to leave everything. Forget about everything you could manage to and become someone else.

“Sorry,” you say, unable to look at him.

“It’s ok,” his voice sounds distant. When you look at him his gaze is in the middle distance, elbows resting on his knees. “Maybe we all need space.”

He sighs, “Clint left. We don’t know where he is.”

“Natasha?”

“She’s hanging on. Tried to find him but didn’t have any luck.”

“He’ll come back around,” you said with more conviction than you felt.

“Yeah,” he plucks a non-existent piece of lint from his sweatpants.

“I gotta head out soon, some kind of situation brewing in Brazil. Don’t know how long it’ll be,” he runs a hand over his face. “But I assume Rocket and Nebula won’t be hanging around too much longer since you’re up.”

So they had stuck around. More guilt bubbles up.

“And I assume you’ll be going with them.”

It isn’t a question but you answer anyway, “Yeah.” He nods, looking down at his hands.

The silence hangs for several pregnant minutes.

Your palms itch to reach out to him, your heart screams at you to say something, anything. But you just sit.

“Y/N…” his voice almost makes you jump. “On the beach when we…” He clears his throat, “You told me I could go… If I needed to.”

Your stomach drops and with it some of your control.

You had said that. Told Steve that if he was too tired to keep fighting in this life that he had your blessing to leave. Your only request-

“But that I couldn’t go without saying goodbye.”

“Steve,” your voice trembles.

He looks at you then, blue eyes unfathomably sad. Without hesitation you reach out for his hand. Gratitude floods you when he doesn’t pull away.

“The same goes for you,” beneath his words is a barely contained flood of emotions.

“This wasn’t-”

“Don’t,” he shakes his head. Gently he touches the new scar by your eye.

You nod. This was one thing you knew you couldn’t hide from him no matter how hard you tried. It was a game he’d played for longer than you’d been alive. Tempting fate, daring it to kill him.

“Not without goodbye,” he says in almost a whisper.

“Not without goodbye,” you promise and, begrudgingly, you mean it.

He gives your hand a squeeze before he stands, places a kiss on top of your head, and turns to leave.

“Oh and, Y/N…”

“Yeah?”

“Take a shower,” he turns and winks.

“Fuck you, Rogers,” you smile despite everything.

“Don’t die,” he says as he walks out.

“You too.”

With effort you drag your aching body from the bed and make your way to the bathroom. Under the bright light you groan.

Steve had not been wrong. You did look like shit.

The scar Ca’al had graced you with was still bright pink and puffy. Far from roguish or charming. Your cheek bones jutted out in sharp angles, lips pale and cracked. And your hair had grown long enough that the ends had started to curl, making you look like a tired crusty mop.

Only after a minute do you even notice your eyes. They’d become a normal feature, whites shot through with bloody lightning cracks, the tear ducts an angry shade of red.

As you observe yourself the mirror begins to tremble.

“Fuck,” you groan, doubling over to press your forehead to the cool bathroom counter.

Once you feel your control tighten just enough you head straight for your bag, praying that-

Your fingers curl around a small smooth rectangular bottle and you let out a grateful breath. Rocket must have slipped it in. The Ciegrimitian liquor was strong, a touch bitter, and reminded you of roses. It was a favorite.

After two swallows you feel the power inside you settle.

You stare at the slightly iridescent golden pink liquid in the bottle shifting it so it swirls and catches the light.

Maybe it was possible that you could re-learn to control your abilities, after all, you had gotten far more proficient through training with Bucky and later in Wakanda. But that was before the stones.

If Shuri had been right, and she usually had been, your subconscious built barriers around your ability to protect you. While you could push those barriers by honing your ability, strengthening it like any muscle through time and focus, those barriers would and should always remain. The human mind could only be expected to process so much.

Now, if you were right, those barriers were gone. You had no idea how to begin rebuilding them. If you did you weren’t sure you had the energy to care.

Maybe in time…

Time. Weeks. Months. Years. All without Bucky.

You’d rather lose yourself to that Oblivion than think about the stretch of life laid out before you.

As you lift the bottle to take another drink your fist closes on nothing. A few remaining inches of the bottom of the bottle clatter to the floor, spilling the contents.

This wasn’t new, sometimes you lost your grip and your power… unmade something. This time though-

A cry lodges itself in your throat, threatening to choke you.

Around the edges of the piece on the floor and swirling in your hand between the glittering specks of dust--all that remains of the top of the bottle--is a deep undulating blackness. Not shadow, not darkness, a pure absence of everything.

Oblivion, a whisper from somewhere far away calls in your mind.

You bolt for the bathroom, slamming the door behind you, pressing your fist to your mouth to keep from screaming.

It feels like hours before your heart stops trying to beat through your chest and you’re able to draw a full breath. Only then do you realize that, just like in that void, you don’t feel the hunger. Only then do you realize how silent your power is.

The woman in the mirror stares at you with eyes that are less painfully bloodshot than before, the bruise-like hollows beneath them lighter. Her cheeks seem fractionally fuller.

The changes do not feel like an improvement. They feel like abomination.

Demon. Maybe your mother’s husband and M’Baku had been on to something there.

In the shower you decide to bury this. It was a fluke, or maybe even a hallucination. Maybe you were still recovering from the overdose, your body reacting poorly to another substance being put into it. That was it.

“And she lives to make trouble another day!” Rocket calls out from in front of the TV as you make your way to the kitchen in the common area.

“Much to your chagrin,” you say, opening a cabinet.

“Coffee is in the one on the left,” Natasha pipes up. She takes a seat at the island. “I’ll take some too,” her wan smile doesn’t reach her own tired eyes.

You open the can of Bustelo and breathe in the rich smell. It reminds you of better times--of bodega breakfasts before you knew there was such a thing as Hydra, of slow music-filled afternoons with Bucky. Quickly you blink away the tears threatening to fall.

It was just coffee.

For several minutes the only sound was the burble of the coffee pot and the drone of the flatscreen. The lack of conversation didn’t feel awkward so much as tired, everyone worn down by the grief and turmoil of the last 11 months.

When the coffee was done you poured Natasha a cup, grabbing the half and half from the fridge, remembering her preference from when you’d been on the run with the fractured Avengers. She nodded her thanks, silently fixing her cup.

Your own black brew sent a shiver of pleasure down your spine, a hum of satisfaction slipping free.

“I mean it’s good but I don’t know if it’s that good,” Natasha teases.

“Haven’t had coffee since I left,” you say savoring another sip. Her brows raise at that. Honestly, the fact that you’d hardly missed it was more concerning than your increased drinking habit.

“Maybe we should bring some,” Rocket sniffs the air. “Smells nice.”

You meet his gaze, relief flooding you. A part of you had been afraid that you wouldn’t be welcome back on the Benatar. Honestly, you wouldn’t have blamed them if that was the case. Rocket called you Trouble for a reason after all.

“I will try it,” Nebula announces as she takes a seat beside Natasha.

“Alright. You?” Rocket nods.

You pour a small amount for Nebula and use an espresso cup for Rocket.

Nebula downs her’s in one go, face crinkling. You can’t help but laugh.

“Bitter but palatable,” she says.

“Just like you,” you quip.

Nebula almost smiles, “Is there more?”

The next few hours feel almost normal. No one talked about grief or loss. Natasha complained about the foods that were in short supply, Rocket bitched about prices on contraband being low. You told Natasha the weirder things about space, funny things, like hurling when the ship lost gravity for a few hours. Just friends catching up over coffee.

Except it wasn’t. And, by the end, that fact had left a bitter taste in your mouth.

By the time you got on the Benatar the next afternoon, that bitterness had fermented into rage that no amount of drink was going to cool.

You needed to hit something. Hard.

TAGS

@bluegirlusa1 @l0kisbitch @tazzi-baby @woodyandbuzz20-01 @mooniightbucky @saundrasays @breezy1415 @alyssaj23 @mywinterwolf @wonderlandmind4 @anamcg317 @buckaroo-barnes @jazztherebel @peachthatdrinkslemonade @regulusirius @auskitty @babyimp1967 @katecolleen @handplucked @darkdragonphoenix @issanitydead @thestorydetective @buckysstar @greyeyedsmile14 @watchoutforfrostbite @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @siriuslycloudy2 @jdoenson @gamorazenn @wildmoonflower @cutie1365 @demonlover87 @winterboobearsworld @this-kitten-is-smitten @amorluzymelodia @nutellakirb @nighttwingg @coffeebeforewater @shesalatesh @maniacproffesor

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes #bucky #bucky barnes x reader #Steve Rogers #post infinity war #marvel fic

18 notes · View notes

btsslowburnfic · 4 years ago

Text

Body Insecurities Series

Members: JHope and RM

Body struggles: thighs and hair

(Jin and Yoongi found here)

JHope/Hoseok

You look at the shopping bag on your bed. You should be happy. You should be grateful. You sigh and take the clothes out of the white Gucci bag. Two shirts and two pairs of jeans. Your boyfriend, Hoseok, has already removed the price tags because he knew you would freak out. Prior to dating him (and still when you were by yourself) all of your clothes came from the budget friendly Homeplus store.

The two of you were supposed to meet Jin and his girlfriend for dinner tonight and Hoseok had taken it upon himself to lay out new outfits for you to choose from.

You try the shirts on and they look super cute. You eye the jeans with suspicion. Maybe you can just tell him they don't fit.

You hear the door to your bedroom open. You weren't expecting him so soon.

"Hey angel," he says, laying his athletic frame against your back and kissing your neck. "That shirt looks great. You should definitely wear it and the jeans out tonight. We need to leave in an hour. I'll pick out some shoes for you." Before you can comment he's off to the large walk-in closet. He comes back in with an outfit for himself and some heels for you.

When the two of you had first started dating you had thought it was both adorable and mortifying that he wanted to buy clothes for you. It was shit straight out of a romance novel. But the heroines in romance novels didn't usually have such ample thighs. Thighs that quickly rubbed the inner leg out of jeans. Chub rub. That didn't even sound sexy.

You had kept it lighthearted at first, asking him to not spend so much money on you; if he wanted to get you clothes Homeplus brand would be more than fine; emphasizing he could buy like twenty shirts and pants each for the price of a pair of Gucci jeans.

He had not taken the hint. "Y/N, I want you to look great. And I know your ass will look amazing in these. The denim is heavier and drapes nicer." He reassured you with a smile. And then you ruined your first pair of $900 jeans. That was half of what you made in a month. You had felt terrible. You hid the jeans and then threw them away when he was on tour. You texted him and said you had accidentally stained them beyond repair. It was somehow less embarrassing to you. To your shock, he had another pair shipped to your house. "I just love the way you look in these 😙😙😏😏".

So now here you were with two thousand dollars worth of jeans and your thick ass thighs trying to get out of wearing them, wishing they still had the tags on so you could return them. You hear Hoseok making happy sounds to himself in the bathroom," bum bum bum pa pa pa, getting ready, let's get it."

He comes out, surprised to see you still standing there in a shirt and panties. "Y/N are you feeling OK?"

"Baby… I can't wear these jeans." You say, folding them up and sitting them next to the bag.

He furrows his brow, "I thought I got the right size. I measured the waste of your favorite pair."

You frown. He was so thoughtful "It's not the size. They're just sooo expensive. I can't." You wring your hands together.

He walks over and runs his hands up and down your arms. A rare serious expression graces his face as he looks into your eyes, "It's my decision how to spend my money. I think you look great in anything, but I do think it's really cute when we match." He presses a kiss against your cheek.

You bite your lower lip with worry and embarrassment. You've always been self conscious about your lower body.

"I feel bad because my giant thighs rub through the denim." You quickly say, looking away. "I rubbed through another pair you bought and I was too embarrassed to say anything."

Hoseok looks at you, slightly stunned. It had never occurred to him that such a thing could occur. He wraps his arms around you and his hands travel down squeezing your butt.

"You think I give a shit about that?" His words are practically a growl in your ear now. "I'd pay $900 a night to see how amazing your ass and thighs look in those things. You know those are like my favorite things in the world." He keeps one hand glued to your ass while the other runs through your hair. He leans in and kisses your mouth.

"Hobi," you whine slightly.

"Mmm?" He asks.

"We're going to be late for dinner." You protest ever so slightly. He pushes against you, slowly pushing you down onto the bed, next to the jeans and shopping bag.

He looks up at you from the edge of the bed, his head placed between your legs. "That's fine, I plan on having my appetizer right here between these thighs I love so much."

RM/Namjoon (inspired by a true Quarantine story 😂👋)

You stand in front of the mirror. Shit. Shit Shit. You had texted 5 Big Hit stylists and none of them had any availability. Of course they didn't; there was an event tonight.

You lean towards the mirror again, scanning your hairline. You knew prior to Covid that you had one or two strands of silver (not gray!) hair on your head. That was normal as you approached your 30s. But you had always gotten your hair done every 6-8 weeks. Until you were under quarantine for the past 4 months and salons were forced to close.

You hadn't really noticed until a few hours ago. Your husband, Namjoon, was really the only person you saw. All your work meetings were done by zoom. Zoom had a make-up filter and you had a ring light; you didn’t put a lot of thought int your appearance other than keeping the Corona-15 at bay. But here you were. The bathroom lights clearly lighting up a large grey patch of hair. Silver. Damn it. BTS was having their first event in months. You would all have masks on so you were really counting on your hair and eyebrows to look great.

"Hey baby,” you hear Joon's deep voice say from the doorway. “You look great."

You look at him and pout. "Yeah, for an old lady."

"What are you talking about?" He gestures to the fitted navy dress you were wearing. "You look amazing."

You point to your head. "This."

He looks confused. Like a sad puppy dog.

You walk closer so your hair is at his chin level. "Look at it."

"Um… Ok. Uhhh… Do you need help curling it or….?" Your husband is too sweet and he is utterly obvious.

"There are like 50 gray hairs on my head," you moan dramatically and head back over to the vanity. "And I can't get anyone to dye them before the event tonight. I look old and awful." You know it's vain and not that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things but you wanted to look nice tonight. People were going to be taking a ton of photos that would be spread around the internet. You were used to the criticism that came with being married to a celebrity. But you weren't ready for grey hair.

To your annoyance he just laughs. “Me and Yoongi dye our hair grey all the time."

"It’s sexy on a guy. Distinguished!" You retort. “It's going to look like you're taking your grandma out tonight." You sigh and look in the mirror again.

“Please don’t give me that mental image.” He walks over and presses a kiss against the crown of your head." I think you look amazing. If it keeps bothering you, you can make an appointment and get your color retouched. Everyone gets them. It's a sign you've lived."

You relax against him, knowing he's right. He always knows just the right thing to say. It still doesn't stop you from looking for a headband to wear to the event though, which starts a new fad. #bangtanbands #tresstrends

#bts fanfic #bts fanfction #bts rm x you #bts jhope x reader #namjoon x you #bts scenarios #bts namjoon x reader #hoseok x reader #jhope x reader #bts hoseok x reader #body posititivity #love myself

33 notes · View notes

afoolforatook · 4 years ago

Text

On fandom and tragic romance tropes, from someone who's lived it.

Okay, this is kind of…. Idk a very specific vent and tbh one I feel kinda bad about because I genuinely don’t want to make people feel bad for liking reading/writing romantic angst or tragedy and it’s really less of an individual issue than an overall attitude in fandom.

Like, it’s absolutely okay to like not happy endings, and angst doesn’t have to just be for cathartic relief. Angst isn’t only acceptable if it’s to process trauma, you’re allowed to like it just because that’s your taste.

But at the same time…. I can’t help but have very personal feelings about how a lot of fandom spaces treat tragic romance tropes…

(this got really long but... it's something I've wanted to address for a long time)

I'm far from secretive with the fact that when I was 20, my girlfriend Emma (19) was killed in a car crash, along with her younger brother, mother, and aunt, and that a lot of my art and writing is purposefully about processing and accepting that grief. Fandom has been a very important part of how I’ve gotten through the last five years, which I’ll get into a bit more in a minute, but tbh it’s also been a lot harder navigating fandom and especially anything ship-related since Emma died, because of how people tend to romanticize a character tragically losing a partner.

And honestly, it’s not just fandom, it’s media in general. And mainstream media focus on tragic sob stories, shock factor, and BYG tropes is definitely a big part of the problem.

But as much as fandom pushes against mainstream overuse of such tropes, there is a good portion of fandom that falls into the same type of issue. And not just ‘fandom’ in the usual sense, but literary communities, poetry, etc…

The amount of times I see stories or prompts about characters tragically losing their partner, and that being the climax of the story, and then next to nothing about that character actually navigating their grief or being able to eventually start a new relationship or just be happy is just…. It makes me feel physically ill.

Like, people saying how tragic love stories are more interesting than happy endings. Or seeing a post about tragic pairing prompts and people saying things like ‘or they think it's unrequited but then A dies and B finds a letter confessing and they really loved each other but now it's too late’ and more people being like ‘YES YOU GET IT THAT'S THE GOOD STUFF’

Just… really, honestly. It's okay to like angst, even really tragic angst. I’m not trying to guilt anyone out of that.

I just….. Most of the time people just talk about it like ‘oh yeah I love some of that good tragic love story shit’ and the stories focus on the build-up and the shock/trauma of the death as it happens and then the excruciating reaction of the survivor and then maybe a time jump to show them happy again.

But very rarely do people take the time to actually handle the grief. People like the good cry of a character mourning their partner, but the vast majority of creators and fans rush through or skip over everything after the initial drama and aftermath. The ‘tragedy’ is the only part they focus on, and then the story ends and they move on.

And like. Shit. I liked that stuff too, I wrote some of it, years ago. And I’m not saying you can’t ever just leave it there, or that if you want to write tragic romance you always have to explore all the long-term emotional consequences.

But try to have it in mind, to consider what message countless grief narratives that end after the funeral, or maybe a few weeks or months later, teach people about real-life grief. This goes for any kind of grief narrative, but the one I see most, the one I used to ‘enjoy’ most myself, is romantic.

But, after having actually lived it? And knowing I'll have to live the rest of my life as the part of the story that usually isn’t told? It turns my stomach the way it’s often handled.

Like seeing people gush about how angsty a fic/idea is, and ‘OH MY GOD SO SAD CAN YOU BELIEVE HOW TRAGIC HOW DARE YOU. I LOVE SEEING/PUTTING THEM THROUGH SO MUCH PAIN’ gets a bit uncomfortable.

Not because there’s something inherently wrong with ever reacting like that, but because most often I can turn around and have the same people not know how to react when I tell them about Emma, not know how to handle the same grief they were just gushing over in fiction, when it’s real.

Grief is isolating enough on its own, but then it just doesn’t feel great when the worst thing to ever happen to you is a huge trope that people gush over, while very rarely fleshing out the actual reality of what it feels like to go through that or how to respond to someone actually dealing with grief, and eventually having to deal with your own grief.

Tbh it’s why I really just kinda have an aversion to the word ‘angst’ in general, and don’t really like to refer to my own writing as angst, even though I know plenty of people might think of it as such. So much of fandom's handling of ‘angst’ has come to feel like voyeuristic tourism of the grief I deal with every day, and will for the rest of my life.

Just, I know people are always going to like tragic angsty romance, and that’s fine, and honestly, it's not even an issue of individuals, but of how fandom in general treats it.

And again, I really don’t want to make anyone feel bad for liking it, and it has its purposes. And even when it’s not for catharsis, it's okay to just like sad stories just because.

I just… I wish more people would keep in mind that it’s not just a tearjerker story trope. People really go through this. And they then often end up feeling very isolated because people around them don't know how to react to their grief, because their grief makes things awkward and a mood killer.

Like, if you love this kind of angst (and not because you personally relate to it or find it cathartic, but just because, just for fun) but then feel awkward around people talking about their real-life grief, maybe spend some time with that, and think about the topic as a real-world trauma and not just a dramatic story trope. (this doesn’t just go for grief. Any kind of trauma you don’t personally deal with, if you love reading/writing it but avoid actually listening to people talking about their real-life experiences with it, think about why that is.)

I just hate seeing loss and initial dramatic grief responses being this shock factor/tearjerker trope, without ever really seriously addressing long-term grief. Especially when it doesn't even do a time jump or anything, and just ends on the surviving character being forever destroyed; when it focuses on the idea of how sad it is for your favorite character to have to spend the rest of their life alone.

And that’s not even folding in any kind of BYG/queer tragedy tropes in canon or fandom spaces.

And like… on a much more individual, less practical point, I just… there’s nothing wrong with angst but honestly (and especially for characters whose canon is in no way tragic) every time I see it I just want to scream WHY…. Why do that to them!? I’m not saying you have to stop, or that you’re not allowed to write trauma you don’t deal with personally. But I will never not cringe a bit at the ‘painful enjoyment’ of a character going through the traumatic loss of a partner. And it’s a sentiment I don’t really see people being okay with in regards to any other kind of trauma.

I don’t have actual numbers, but it sure feels like fandom treats stories about romantic grief very differently than most other traumas. Other trauma, even other kinds of grief, like a close friend or a sibling or parent, etc. tend to at least try to touch on a theme of recovery, or that the emotional turmoil being covered isn’t just a fun angsty trope to spend a little time in and then move on. And of course, this isn’t universal and plenty of people don’t handle these other traumas respectfully or as anything more than dramatic fuel, but this is the trend I’ve personally seen in over 10 years of tumblr fandom. And to that point, even when traumas aren’t respectfully handled I’ve at least seen people try to bring attention to that, with posts about how to respectfully handle disability or addiction or mental health or abuse. I can’t remember off the top of my head a single post like that about grief, let alone specifically romantic grief. It seems to be commonly accepted that while most kinds of trauma can be explored, but still handled respectfully, the death of a partner can just be done for the Drama. People tend to try to learn about abuse or addiction experiences before attempting big angsty stories addressing that. But doomed romance and a grief-stricken lover (it feels like, in my experience) are much more likely to happen on a whim.

Generally, it feels like other kinds of trauma, while still part of ‘angst’ also keeps a sense of awareness of how that narrative reflects real people’s experiences. It’s not just heavy because it’s big dramatic fictional angst, but because it’s grounded in real-life trauma that everyday people who come across it might relate to. Like... I just feel like a lot of fandom spaces treat ‘major character death’ and tragic romantic trope tags as just filters, like they’re needed because ‘not everyone likes angst, it’s just not their thing’ without really acknowledging that it’s a real trauma that everyday people deal with, where (again, often, but of course far from always, and certainly not in mainstream) other tws and tags like assault or substance abuse, people understand that people they interact with might really deal with those issues and they try to not just use them as dramatic fodder and to portray them respectfully.

But grief, especially romantic grief, seems different. The number of people who will come across a fic or edit or piece of art about a tragic love story, and will have had that personal experience of losing a partner, is much lower than people with real experiences with abuse, or addiction, or mental illness. That’s not a bad thing. I wish none of you ever have to know what that feels like.

But because of that, tragic romance ends up seeming like this distant thing. Like it’s only in dramatic tv shows or movies or literature, or lives solely in angsty fandom spaces as a way to get out a good cry. It seems grand and Tragic, off in its own world of dramatic emotional story tropes.

It’s solely pretty dark edits put to song lyrics, or striking art, or beautifully written prose that rips your heart out. It’s Tragic Romance.

And there’s nothing wrong with that inherently. But for many people, it seems like that is what it becomes: fiction. An angsty trope.

I genuinely hope that’s all it ever is for all of you. I wish I could ensure that that good angsty hurt will only ever be a trope you visit when you need a good cry.

But it’s not just fiction.

It's not just angst for sake of drama or fun or poetic storytelling. It’s not grand or romantic or beautifully tragic.

It’s unbearable. It’s physical pain.

That’s not exaggeration or metaphor. It sneaks up on me out of nowhere and it literally feels like someone is crushing my chest. I’ve nearly broken my hand punching a wall because I needed to make something hurt more than this thing in my chest that isn’t even actually there but it hurts so much.

Tbf I think a lot of my attitude towards this really stems more from fandom trends from when I was younger, and I think a lot more people actually try to flesh out grief more these days. But I just remember so much tragic romantic fic and fandom love from when I was a teenager that didn’t go deeper than ‘look how heartbreaking this is it’s so sad, I wanna make everybody read it and cry and it’s just fun and a story, oh my god I couldn't live with that’

no, of course I don't have a few specific old fics or posts from like superwholock days in mind, that I used to gush over too, and now just the idea of makes me feel actually sick

Idk… like I said. I don't at all want to make anyone feel bad for liking that type of angst, and I feel kind of bad for criticizing it. It just…

It hurts seeing basically your exact situation on angsty prompt lists with people gushing about how good it hurts. Especially when the same people would be (and have been) deer in headlights when they find out you’ve lived the same thing. (Again, this goes for any kind of trauma trope, but most others I’ve seen at least some kind of discussion about before)

Just please, try to be mindful of not just how you write stories about grief, but how you talk about death angst in general. (again, certainly not everyone, but more and more) People know to not just romanticize abuse trauma or addictions or mental illness, and to research, and ask for advice to try to be respectful.

And it’s much more common for someone in fandom spaces, in their teens or 20s or 30s to deal with those sorts of trauma than having experienced losing a partner.

But we exist. And while there is plenty of media out there showing tragic young romance, there is very little (in my experience, after nearly five years of desperately looking) real-world acknowledgment and support, or proof that you’ll be able to survive that kind of loss and still be happy, and even less so if they’re queer.

In a couple of months, it will have been five years since Emma’s death. From day one I have not been private about my loss, whenever possible.

And in five years of saying “When I was 20 my girlfriend died.” to new friends, classmates, potential dates, fandom spaces, therapists, grief support forums, etc… do you know how many other people have told me that they also lost a partner as a young adult, whether queer or straight, by accident or suicide or illness?

Zero.

No one. I’ve had people say how they lost a best friend or a sibling or a parent. And those losses, those kinds of grief are certainly not any less traumatic than the loss of a partner. But even in real life, they’re different. Losing a partner, especially at a very young age when it’s likely your main romantic experience, has different emotional effects, and can be harder to find people who directly relate.

Five years. Zero people dealing with the specific facets of grief as me.

The ONLY times I have ever heard about stories like mine in real life are either the rare article or essay or celebrity story, of which I can probably easily count on two hands.

All the other representation I’ve found is in mainstream fiction and fandom.

And of those stories, those fics, that art, the vast majority have had the partner die in the last half, probably closer to the 75% mark, of the story or arc.

If I’m lucky, that last 25% will focus on the immediate aftermath and grief (especially in fic, while a lot of media might give you a few scenes, and then move on to other character arcs).

If I’m really lucky they’ll show some kind of time jump, to say ‘see, they’re still haunted by their lost love but they’ve tried to move on or can pretend to be happy’.

And so much fandom reception is centered around ‘it’s soooooo SADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD MY POOR HEART IT HURTS SO GOOD. LOVE ME SOME ANGST’, or romanticizing the idea of being unable to live without them, and if they can, it’s often never really putting focus on all the pain it took to process their grief.

Again, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with this individually, or that you shouldn’t gush and scream over fic or art or prompts that hook you because of angst. But it adds up really quickly, especially when, even when getting good genuine support from people, you still see no one else actually living with that feeling like you. The only place you find it is stories, and then you see people mostly excited over just how beautifully sad it is.

And that just feels… I can’t explain it honestly.

Just, think about how you react to or talk about fic or prompts or art about a character crying over their partner’s body, or attending their funeral, and think about whether you’d feel appropriate doing the same if instead, they were dealing with abuse, or addiction, or self-harm.

Again, that’s not to say you can’t ever gush or key smash or such, but is it all you do?

You don’t have to stop enjoying angst and tragic romance. But think about how I just said that.

Enjoy.

Do you only ever act like you ‘Enjoy’ it (and yes, this includes the ‘I’m such a masochist I just love to cry over them, it’s emotional release that doesn’t trigger me’ reaction), and romanticize it?

It’s fine to, sometimes. But do you also appreciate it, and try to understand the real-world weight of it? Do you know what you’d say to a friend if they told you they’d lost a partner?

That ‘love me some good angst’, Dramatic grief, being the main fandom attitude doesn’t just hurt me or others who have lost people close to them, partners or not.

A big part of fandom, and of just society, has no idea how to deal with grief, their own or others. It’s not a light conversation topic, it makes people feel awkward, or walk on eggshells around you, or tell you how they can’t possibly imagine having to go through that (btw, y'all don’t say this to people. About grief, or trauma, or disability or anything like that, just don’t. I’m begging you. And a rant about that kind of thing is for another day but... )

And then, when people inevitably face some form of major grief themselves, they feel ashamed for not handling it ‘right’.

It hurts, to try to find some acknowledgment of your grief, and only ever see stories that show just the first few weeks or months; the feeling of it never possibly being anything but constantly excruciating. Stories that end on ‘they were alone and sad and that is what their story, their love, will live on as; Tragic’. Or, that skip all the work and the doubt and the backsliding, and just show years down the road, when they’ve got a whole new life, and that grief, that love, is just a sad memory that they have ‘moved on’ from. Just a tiny trinket call back.

It feels impossible to survive, to ever be happy again, when you never see grief being treated as more than a tragic story point. And then, as you try your hardest to keep going, to process and heal, and connect to new people, while not forgetting the person you love, not letting them just become your tragic backstory, you see people gush over tragic love stories, over how romantic it is, over how characters loved each other so much they couldn’t live without them. (Thankfully a good bit of fandom seems to be pulling away from this, but it’s still common)

And, if that’s what it is to lose a partner, your soulmate… then… then how am I able to keep living? Even as painful as it is? If true love means not being able to live without the other person, does that mean I didn’t, I don’t, actually love them enough? Am I selfish for still actually wanting to live the rest of my life, even with this pain of the person I love being gone?

Would people read my, our, story and ‘enjoy’ it? Would they find this romantic? Would they scream over a prompt based on the worst event in my life, and have a good cry, and then move on, thinking how sad and beautifully tragically romantic that story would be? Would this person I love and miss more than anything, become just a Tragedy? Just an angsty sob story to gush about how wonderfully painful it was? Would it become about only my pain and heartbreak, and not about the cruelty of this other complete, unique, independent person who was robbed of their entire future?

Maybe that seems melodramatic or putting too much weight on tropes, or fandom. But remember.

Five years.

Zero real people saying ‘I’ve been there too’.

The only places I have seen my grief reflected (beyond a rare celebrity interview, or article) is in fiction, and mostly in fandom.

For over a decade I’ve seen people key smash and gush over angsty ships in fic and art, and I was one of them for a long time.

And then, when it became real life for me, all too often (not always, of course) people wouldn’t know how to handle my real grief. Even when I didn’t want to grieve, but wanted to remember all the reasons I love Emma. My real-life moments of ‘fluff’ that I cling to, become uncomfortable when they know the ‘angst’ to come.

And I don’t blame them. I’m not angry at them for not knowing what to say, for walking on eggshells. They’re not cruel for that, they’re not unsympathetic, it’s not that they just don’t try.

Because, if I’ve found so few real-world stories about this kind of grief, after looking so hard for so long, how can I expect them to have had much more luck?

If the only places I find stories about grief never focus on the reality of life after the funeral, and the process of not moving past, but learning to handle grief, then how can I expect broader fandom to know how to be comfortable around the ugly, boring, repetitive, not at all romantic parts of that grief?

Just, yes. Write, read, love your angst. But please just remember that ‘tragic love story’ happens to people, and while plenty of people might not want to read it because it’s just not their thing, or too depressing, there are those who see those dramatic prompt scenarios, and personally relate to them (I quite often say the events around Emma’s death read like a heavy-handed soap opera, or Queer Tragedy movie, and had had plenty of people agree, even before hearing all the details. And I have literally seen multiple prompts of ‘best friends secretly have feelings for each other, and then finally confess, only to get a short bit of happiness before one dies tragically’)

Write, read, love your angst, your tragic love stories, just please, be as respectful of grief (in any form, but this is mostly a shipping issue in my experience) as you would be (or should be) of other major trigger warnings. Gush and scream about the big dramatic ‘romantic’ tragedies, but don’t then ignore the raw, uncomfortable, vulnerable, cathartic explorations, or the real people dealing with real loss.

Because damn y’all, I’ve seen ‘I just love a good romantic tragedy trope, yes please rip my heart out’ said so many times, with the same tone as saying ‘That fake dating trope, that’s the good stuff’.

I’ve seen people gush over how much more interesting and beautifully cruel it is for young love to end tragically.

And I promise you. It’s not. It just fucking sucks. It’s not romantic or tragically beautiful or poignant. It’s devastating. And it goes on for so much longer than that last quarter of the story.

My grief is more than an angsty prompt. Our relationship, my love for her, is more than a dramatic sob story, more than just awkward sadness that kills the mood. Emma’s life, her memory, is more than my tragic backstory.

I want to be able to find my story in more than just fiction, I want to be able to get support from people who live with similar grief.

But I also want to see grief in fiction, in fandom, become more than a final character arc or Tragic love story; used for dramatic effect; grand and huge for a moment and then never fully processed, or mentioned again; just tragically romantic and heartbreaking and soooo good and angsty.

Grief is one of the only things we will all have to face throughout our lives.

I’m not just asking you to respect my grief or the grief of those around you. But your own future grief. I don’t want you to get there and feel like your grief is wrong, or means that you didn’t love someone ‘enough’ because it doesn’t manifest in a certain way.

Learning to accept grief; to be comfortable around raw, unpoetic, grief; to not hold up certain expressions of grief as Romantic or Poetic, but just honest, will eventually be personally useful for all of us, as much as I wish it wouldn’t.

I want my grief, everyone’s grief, to be seen, and understood, not just romanticized and dramatized.

My love story, Emma’s love story, isn’t beautifully tragic. It isn’t more interesting or poetic than a happy ending. The pain that I will carry with me for the rest of my life is not romantic.

But it is important.

#mine #my writing #tw #grief #death #car crash #fandom analysis #romantic tragedy trope

7 notes · View notes

ceealaina · 4 years ago

Text

Title: Thinkin' Nothing's Wrong Collaborator Name: ceealaina Card Number: 3088 Link: AO3 Square Filled: T2 - You Can't Trademark That Ship: IronBros Rating: Teen Major Tags: Meet Cute, Fluff and Angst, MIT Era, Howard Stark's A+ Parenting Summary: Jim Rhodes finally gets to meet his MIT roommate.

... As first meetings go, he's had better. Word Count: 1424

(Written for the prompts Roommate, Home, “Are you kidding me?” for @rhodeyappreciationweek and for the @tonystarkbingo)

Jim Rhodes had arrived at MIT move-in day early, checking in as soon as he was able, and through all the chaos of moving in, there had been no sign of his new roommate. He’d almost begun to wonder if maybe there’d been a mix-up and he didn’t have a roommate after all.

He’d stopped worrying about it when it was time to see his family off, distracted by the tears, and the reiterations of just how proud they were of him, and the reminders to be good and remember that he was representing his family, and reassuring them that he’d call regularly and that he was going to be just fine here. He hadn’t even given his new roommate a second thought until he was heading back to his room and heard a noise inside just as he was about to stick his lock in the key.

“Right,” he said, gearing himself up to meet whoever was inside.

It wasn’t that he was nervous, exactly, but he was going to be stuck with this person for the next year. First impressions were probably going to count for a lot. And okay, maybe he was a little nervous that the guy on the other side of the door was going to be some kind of lunatic, and his family had already left without him.

Taking a deep breath, he pushed open the door, eyes immediately tracking out the form of his roommate. He was standing up on the bare mattress of the bed that Jim hadn’t claimed, hanging an enormous poster of Richard Feynman on the wall, but at the sound of the door he turned to face him. There was a hopeful, eager little smile on his face, just a little bit of nerves filtering through, and he opened his mouth to say something -- probably hello, like a normal person -- but Jim had to open his own big mouth first. “Are you kidding me?” he burst out, because, well, there was no way around it. His roommate looked about twelve.

For a long moment the words hung in the air, loud in the silence of the room, and instantly Jim wished he could take them back. That hopeful smile faded just like that, and for a moment his new roommate looked so sad that Jim felt like the biggest dick on the planet.

“Shit man,” Jim rambled all in a rush as the kid turned back to the wall, busying himself with getting his poster straight. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a long day. My mouth works faster than my brain sometimes. I didn’t mean it like that.”

“No, it’s okay.” He glanced over his shoulder at Jim again, and there was another smile but this one was tight and forced, doing a terrible job of hiding how hurt he really felt. “I get it. Nobody wants a kid as their roommate, when they’re trying to have fun and do the whole college thing. I figured this would happen. I wouldn’t want me for a roommate either, but you know... My dad says if I come home before I’ve got my degree I’m on my own. I gotta legacy to live up to, so you’re kinda stuck with me for now. Sorry.”

He said it so casually, like that was a totally normal thing for a father to say to a child, and Jim felt his stomach plummet. He felt like even more of a dick as he realized that there was no sign of the father in question, or any other family at all. All his stuff was lumped together in a sad little pile in the corner, being unpacked piece by piece, like they’d just dumped him there and taken off. He thought of his own family, driving him crazy as they ‘helped’ him unpack every single thing that he’d brought along, and felt a brief jolt of homesickness go through him -- along with a wave of overprotectiveness, and the urge to hug this kid and then punch his dad.

“Hey, can we start over?” Jim asked. “Seriously. I was an asshole, no two ways about it. Please don’t let that ruin your opinion of me. We’re gonna have a great year, I know it. Please?”

His roommate turned around fully, rolling his eyes a little, but his smile was soft and pleased again. “Alright, fine,” he said, with irritated pout that Jim wasn’t buying at all.

“Great!” Jim positively beamed at him and then held out his hand. “My name is Jim Rhodes, I’m from South Philly and I’m here on an ROTC scholarship. And before you start making Navy jokes,” he added, because his roommate looked the type -- and judging by the slightly guilty smile he got, Jim hadn’t been wrong. “I’m Air Force all the way, baby. Gonna be a pilot.”

“I’d like to learn to fly,” the kid offered, taking Jim’s hand and surprising him with the force of his handshake. “I’m Tony. Stark.”

Jim bit back a curse. He’d heard the Stark heir was going to MIT this year, but he’d never in a million years guessed that he’d be his roommate. Tony’s comments about his family legacy suddenly made a lot more sense. But then he thought of the nervous edge to Tony’s smile, his comments about not being able to go home without a degree. The way his family had just left him here, alone. For a brief moment, he wondered why, with all that money they hadn’t at least hired movers, or staff, or whatever rich people used to help Tony move in, if they weren’t gonna do it themselves. But then, maybe they’d just wanted to put their appearances in without having something to stay for, or sign off on, like their own kid was just another company asset, something that made them look good, but they didn’t want to be bothered with.

Tony was looking just a little resigned now, like he was expecting things to change now that Jim knew who he really was, and Jim refused to let his smile falter. “Anyone ever call you Tones?” he asked instead of the multitude of other things that came to mind, pretending there was nothing at all special about his name.

Judging by the wry smile Tony gave him, he hadn’t been entirely successful, but Tony just played along, looking more and more pleased. “No? That’s like asking if anyone ever called you Rhodey.”

“Oh, I like it!” Jim declared. “Swapping the ends of our names. Tones and Rhodey instead of Rhodes and Tony. It’ll be like… Secret code nicknames.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I’m fifteen, not five. I’m not an actual baby, I promise.”

Jim just shrugged. “Whatever you say, Tones. But I like ‘em, and I’m keeping ‘em. We could trademark them!”

Tony snorted, but he was beaming now, eyes sparkling. “You can’t trademark that! They’re nicknames.”

“Pretty sure you’re wrong about that,” Rhodey insisted, like he had any idea what he was talking about. “You can totally trademark a name.”

“Legally, sure.” Tony acknowledged. “But it’s a fucking stupid thing to trademark.”

“Is it though? I happen to think it’s very smart. This way nobody can make money off our friendship. Like with licensing, you know?” He gave Tony a wink. “You deserve something capitalism can never touch.”

“Friendship?” Tony repeated, and he was clearly going for dry, but Rhodey didn’t miss the very slight catch in his voice, the way he had looked almost startled at the word. “You met me five minutes ago.”

Rhodey resisted the urge to wrap him in a tight hug, giving him an imperious shrug instead. “When you know, you know,” he informed him loftily, before gesturing to Tony’s poster. “That Richard Feynman?”

“Oh.” Tony made a frankly adorable noise that could almost be classified as a giggle before he cleared his throat, cheeks flushing a little. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

Rhodey tilted his head a little. “Am I missing something here? Is it some physics major joke that I’m not getting?”

“Oh no, it’s not that… I just figure when people ask, I can tell them it’s Dick Fine-Man.”

Rhodey couldn’t have stopped his laughter if he tried, noting as he did how Tony looked even more pleased. Still chuckling to himself, he moved over to the pile of Tony’s stuff, grabbing his sheets and starting to make the bed without bothering to ask if he wanted the help.

“Tones?”

“Yes, Rhodey?”

“You and I are gonna get along just fine.”

@rhodeyappreciationweek @tonystarkbingo

#tonystarkbingo2020 #tsb2020 #rhodeyweek2020 #james rhodes #tony stark #iron bros #meet cute #meet ugly #fluff and angst #protective rhodey #howard stark's a+ parenting #fic #my fic

29 notes · View notes

paintedrecs · 5 years ago

Note

For the fandom talk meme thingy: C (not trying to start drama I swear), I, K, R, and X. =D

C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will.

Hmmm, there are a few ways of answering this. One is by listing all my NOTPs, which would be excessively long and ultimately boring because it essentially boils down to “anyone else with either member of my OTP.” I monoship my primary pairings, so I’m pretty strict on what I do and do not like.

(With the way fandom is now, I should clarify that NOTP means that I personally do not like a ship and I therefore go out of my way to avoid it - by muting terms, carefully filtering tags and search results, curating my own space, etc. It doesn’t mean I think the ship is badwrong or that anyone else should stop shipping it. It just means I do not ever want to see it.)

This feels a little less specific on that front, though, maybe more just: people like this and I’m meh about it?

So Allydia comes to mind. I don’t hate it, and if the Sterek’s good enough I’ll still read a fic with them as a background pairing, but I don’t ever like it as a romantic ship. While I ship Lydia with lots of different characters, including Cora, I’ve always seen Allison as straight, so I suppose that’s part of it? And I love Lydia & Allison as bffs - I see them as entirely platonic, like Scott & Stiles, so introducing romance just doesn’t work for me.

Another one is Sheriff Stilinski/Peter Hale. I...I don’t understand it. Unlike the last answer, this background pairing will prevent me from reading a Sterek-central fic.

I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why?

This turned into a complicated and kind of roundabout answer, so I’m putting the rest of the questions under a long-post cut!

I stopped frequenting tumblr for two main reasons:

that whole weird purge thing that made me think everyone was leaving, so I just gave up, which might’ve been premature cause it seems like folks are still going strong on here

the emergence of antis, specifically within the Voltron fandom (although they’re everywhere at this point)

There’s a saying in fandom now:

“Why is the younger fandom generation like this?!??” “Tumblr raised them.”

For me, for years, tumblr was a really wonderful space where I had a lot of great conversations and read very thoughtful threads that helped me to learn some important things about myself, other people, and a world much wider than my own.

But I was an adult when I joined this site, and it really does seem like there’s a whole new crop of kids who have no actual context for ideas like social justice, the need for canonical representation in our media, and a lot of other things that eventually got folded into a big ball of disconnected rhetoric that they now fling as hard as they can at the heads of fandom creators who are committing the ultimate sin of creating content for ships they don’t like.

It’s late, and I don’t feel like getting into a whole Essay Rant about all that.

So on an entirely personal level, I quit running appreciatejack (my Check Please/zimbits/Jack Zimmermann blog) because someone sent me really vile hate for daring to ship Shiro/Keith from Voltron (two unrelated adults in a cartoon). It’s why I turned my ask boxes/anon/chats off on most of my blogs, and then eventually just...got tired of running them.

When I started up appreciatederek, I got a couple asks from people who wanted to know if it was going to be multiship or just Sterek, and when I said it was Sterek, they presumably went off to find other things they were into, because I never heard from them again. Y’know, the reasonable reaction. And then the rest of it was wonderful: finding content for it, and getting responses from people who enjoyed that content.

I thought appreciateshiro would be similar, but it was all so messy from the very start. The Sheith tag was FULL of hate. I was initially checking it every day, trying to find artists and writers and gif-makers to reblog and encourage and support, like I’d done in Sterek fandom, but instead I’d spend literal hours blocking people who came into that tag just to talk about how much they hated the ship.

Every day, I’d look for content for my OTP, and every day I’d come away from it angry and sad and frustrated. I never seemed to run out of people to block. And they never, ever seemed to run out of hate.

It was exhausting. It made me reluctant to go on tumblr at all. And eventually I just...sorta stopped.

So the answer to this question is more, I guess, “fandom made me stop liking tumblr, and in the process I stopped liking most fandoms.”

I’m sure you can kinda tell from the fandoms I’m currently the most invested in.

I love Sterek, and I will always love Sterek. Part of that’s the ship itself, of course, and part is because I had an incredible fandom experience with it. People within this fandom are still really great - always so welcoming and super excited about new content, even so many years on.

Otherwise, my current fandoms are kiiiiinda tiny:

Xanatowen (Gargoyles), which currently consists of exactly 2 people and 12 fics (3 of which are mine).

Trevorcard (Castlevania), which only has ~200 fics on AO3.

Taibani (Tiger & Bunny), which is an oldish fandom with only ~600 fics on AO3.

Remember, I came from a fandom that has SIXTY THOUSAND fics.

So while I feel very lonely and very sad about the low content levels in these fandoms, they’ve also given me the space to let go of some of my fandom hurt & anger and remember what it’s like to just...peacefully love something. I really miss just loving things and talking about loving those things and searching for other people who also love those things without running into....thousands upon thousands of people who HATE that you love that thing.

(Until I wrote all that out just now, I actually hadn’t realized how much this had still been hanging over me, or why I was so hesitant to come back to “reclaim” a space I’d once been super active and happy in. Essay over! Next questions.)

K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc?

Answered here!

R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom?

Answered here!

X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom.

Found family. This is probably a big part of why Sterek was my first real fandom, because the idea of Pack makes it incredibly natural to build out relationships beyond just the central romantic pairing.

It doesn’t have to be a werewolf thing, though. I’m honestly not hugely fond of the whole puppy piles concept - I’m less interested in “biological urges make characters literally physically all snuggle up together in bed” than I am in the actual build of the friendships, and the concept of choosing people who will become the family you’ve been missing for whatever reason.

Maybe it’s reconnecting with biological family, or maybe it’s discovering that your friends have been filling that space for you all along, without you even fully realizing it. (The concept of “home” is another big one for me. Home is where your heart is etc etc.)

And hey! Now I can pull back in another question from earlier: about “pairings” that I might not have initially considered. As I suspected, I do have more! Mostly platonic.

For instance: Derek and Sheriff Stilinski becoming bffs. I thiiiink I can probably tie my ABSOLUTE LOVE of this concept back to HalfFizzbin’s can't be hateful, gotta be grateful. And then Cupboard Love really has to be the source of ALL my alive!Hales feels, which also includes folding Stiles into their family.

Fic is largely responsible for building out Derek’s relationship with Boyd, Erica, Isaac, his sisters...making them into an actual pack and friends and family in the way the show never bothered. And frankly while I don’t like canon!Scott at all at this point, I love his friendship with Stiles in fics, and I absolutely believe Stiles and Lydia would be amazing friends once he got past his crush on her. I’d point to another fic here, owlpostagain’s will to follow through, as the ultimate source for major Team Human feels.

So yeah. I’m always going to be drawn to stories about family, in whatever form that takes, particularly if it’s one that’s a little bit off the normal white-picket-fence path.

In Tiger & Bunny, it’s Barnaby joining the Kaburagi family, and learning how to be a dad and a friend to his new husband’s daughter.

In Gargoyles, I’m completely obsessed with the (canonical!) idea of a family that consists of a man, his wife, their son, and the chaotically loyal fae babysitter/tutor/third parent. It is not a stretch to tweak this the tiiiiiiniest bit to turn it into a nontraditional family structure of a man, his wife, his son, and his fae boyfriend. Honestly.

In Castlevania, the fic that made me sob my eyes out at one point does something the show would absolutely never. It gives Alucard the time to rebuild his physical home while befriending the people in the little town that crops up around it. It’s about Trevor and Alucard falling in love, but it’s also about them making a place for themselves in a world where that kind of comfort and stability and friendship is so badly needed.

I think we all kinda need that in our world right now. So I love being able to find it in fic, for the characters who’ve grown to mean something to me.

#meme #fandom talk #long post #littlerosetrove #did tumblr seriously break my read more and stick it up in the ask section #i don't even know #thanks tumblr

12 notes · View notes

idontevenremember5minutesago · 6 years ago

Note

If you dont mind me asking. What is your problem with Lance Stans?

Alright. I knew I would get this sooner or later. Note I’m not about to pull punches. Also this is a long one because I don’t want to have to answer this again so strap in for a ride. Here’s MY experience with Lance stans. This won’t even get into my experience with Klantis. Because that’s just a whole different ball game.

So, In the beginning everything was fine. And I can say that with confidence because I was in the Tumblr Voltron tag the day the show’ first season dropped on Netflix. I was that excited. Voltron was my childhood and I loved the direction they were taking it and I wanted to talk about it. I instantly loved all the characters but Keith, having been my favorite character in the 80’s series quickly became my favorite once again so I was excited for content on him especially. I can tell you truthfully, that even back in the early days most of the Keith content was shipping him with Lance. At the time I was alright with that. I liked Klance.and everyone shipping it was really chill (if you can believe it) but I noticed that he was usually portrayed as a pining love interest who hyped Lance up and that bummed me out cause Keith was so much more than that, but I was confident that when Keith got more development that would change. But then things took a turn as Lance stans emerged as the most vocal fans in the fandom and Klance as the most popular ship. Because he got so little focus in the first season, people had to supplant their own views of Keith’s character to write fics and draw fanart. So Lance stans already had a certain view of Keith’s character and that was, a way to prop up Lance or highlight Lance’s insecurities so he could apologize to Lance and they could have Langst (Ugh) and Klangst.

Things took a turn in S2 when Keith got his character arc and more spotlight. I was ecstatic.More people started to appreciate KEith, I got more Keith centric fanart and headcanons and Fanfictions. But then I noticed A Lot of Lance stans started to grumble and complain aoubt Keith getting a character arc, because apparently it took away Lance’s screen time and ruined the view they had developed for Keith as a empty love interest. His bond with Shiro and the alone time he got with Allura threatened Klance. Him finding out his heritage, and piloting Black and going on solo missions with other Paladins threatened the view Lance stans had of Keith and because S2 established him as his own character, and back then, for Lance stans, everything Keith needed to revolve around Lance and Lance stans got bitter and the attacks began. Now it’s important to note that there were Hunk fans who were upset Hunk didn’t get an arc, but I never saw any of them go after Keith or his fans. Also other fans were also getting mad at other characters. There were those who went after Allura and Hunk during S2. But once again those fans didnt go after the fans of the characters and they didn’t hate on the characters just to hate, rather criticized their actions, from what I saw. But Lance stans were by far the most vocal, violent and the most antagonistic. It got to the point where Keith fans were forced to participate in the then budding discourse because Lance Stans hijacked the Keith tag and filled it with their crap with bashing Keith and his fans when they defended him and his arc. We were constantly defending him and constantly suffering personal attacks for defending him. I saw Lance stans throw around the words homophobic and racist ( Which was personally offensive to me as I’m black) at Keith fans because we were happy that Keith was getting development after an entire Season out of focus.Because being happy that Keith was getting an arc was a apparently a gross offense that warranted attacks on our personal persons.

Some of the things they said was absolutely insane. Keith was horrible because he argued back when Lance started fights with him. Keith was to blame for Lance’s insecurities because he was better than him at flying. Somehow Iverson chewing out Lance was Keith’s fault. To Lance stans Keith was only one of three thrings, an empty love interest who hypes and props Lance up, A terrible person to blame for Lance’s insecurities or a combination of the two. By extension Keith fans who so much as pointed out things like Lance being mean to Keith or expressed love for Keith were Terrible people who supported the sidelining of their precious golden boy. It didnt help that I didnt know how to exclude tags on Ao3 at the time so I couldnt escape it even if I left tumblr.

As someone who viewed 80’s Keith as her Hero as a child, and who absolutely adored his new portrayal and related to him on every single level, seeing him get attacked so much was disheartening. Every trip to his tag had me leaving so sad and upset.

It got even worse when s3 dropped and Black Paladin Keith was confirmed. After months of Lance stans ragging on us and screaming for Black Paladin Lance and making headcanons about how Keith would never be chosen for the Black Paladin and that the Black Lion would absolutely reject him for Lance , to have all that debunked with Black actually rejecting everyone else and accepting Keith was too much and it sent Lance stans into a nuclear meltdown. The attacks came more and more, everyday in the tag turned into a war. Many Keith fans had to make separate accounts to combat the hate just to keep it all from our main account. It was TERRIBLE. There were so many Lance stans in the Keith tag claiming that Keith was a terrible character, that he didn’t deserve screetime and that Lance should be the main character, the black paladin, that he should get all the arcs and after months of fighting for the right to have Keith as my favorite character I. WAS.TIRED. I was tired of fighting just to have a good experience in the tag. I was tired of the attacks. I was tired of watching other Keith fans get attacked and get fed up and complain about how much they had to block and filter just to have a positive experience. I was tired of words like homophobic and racist being thrown out by Lance stans like candy. I was just tired. And so I stepped out of the fandom. I tried to still watch the show but it just reminded me of the horrible time I had and I stopped watching it as well.

I occasionally stepped my toe back in a couple of times like when Keith’s blog dropped, when his birthday was revealed, when Krolia was introduced and when the fandom did something particularly toxic and I just had to know, but my time watching the show and interacting with the fandom was done.

Until the last season dropped and there was a huge movement of people leaving the fandom and I wanted to see what was so bad and I ended up binging the entire show and rediscovered my love for it (Excluding S8 because yeah) and Keith. And thus I wondered back into the fandom.

So in conclusion, Lance stans ultimately drove me away from Voltron ( A franchise I’ve loved since I was a literal child) and I’m not ashamed to say I deeply resent them for it. I’m mature enough to admit that not all Lance stans are like that, that some hate the toxic stans just as much as I do , that some absolutely love and respect Keith but there’s too much negative feelings that I hold for that side of the fandom so i felt it best to just entirely exclude them from my Voltron experience. There’s too much of a chance that I’ll run into toxic ones again and I don’t want my time in this fandom to be ruined again. This fandom under all the toxicity can be really fun and nice and I refuse to give up on something I love ever again. And it sucks because I do love Lance and I have to pretty much stay away from his tag.

It doesn’t help that Lance stans still have the reputation of being the toxic side of the fandom for not only switching to bashing every other character in the show ( even side characters) for being ‘mean’ to Lance, but also for going after the cast and crew of the show ( Lance Stans attacked Neil Kaplan in droves because he said something about Lance), and that terribly cringy thing with the Lance stan at SDCC literally yelling at the voice actors because they felt no one appreciated him. It also doesn’t help that even now it’s a running joke even to people OUTSIDE the fandom to ‘watch what you say about that Blue guy from Voltron or his cult of fans will attack you.” I don’t want to be anywhere near that shit.

The silver lining is that the love and appreciation for Keith is at an all time high and the posts I do unfortunately come across that bash him all come from posts Lance stans made in 2017, or as I like to call ‘ the dark ages of Keith fandom’. And that Keith hate is actually out of the norm and other fans, not only Keith fans are quick to shut it down and that Fans of the other characters are just as quick to go after the fanatical Lance standom making everything about Lance. Turns out taking a break and coming back actually resulted in a much better environment so y’know small mercies and all that.

#vld #voltron legendary defender #lance mcclain #keith kogane #vld lance #vld keith #only old Keith fans will remember the dark ages #sheith #pro sheith

8 notes · View notes

pharaohzeth · 6 years ago

Text

Ok so I watched VLD s8 and I have opinions 8 (and feels) be warned I’ll get a lot into the Allurance and Klance (I don’t recomend reading this if your otp is Allurance there’s a reason why I didn’t tag that -but don’t worry it isn’t anti Allurance is one of my broships after all-) + an idea for a Klance au at the very end

Don’t expect sth super profound/super analysis.

The season was ok. I don’t hate it but neither is my favorite season of VLD (because s3 am I right klancers ;3).

So Klance didn’t become canon, not big deal, never really expected it to become canon anyway (still hurts but whatev that’s what fanfiction is for) and the Allurance was... bearable (I’ll get to that in a minute) I’ve never been into romantic Allurance, I’ve always prefered them as best friends or siblings. I was still left with some questions, like about Chip and Lance’s FUCKING ALTEAN MARKS (don’t get me wrong I’ve always loved Altean!Lance BUT I NEED A EXPLANATION FOR THIS DREAMWORKS I NEED AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS.

There were moments that I LOVED, like the only 2 Klance escenes obviously (I’ll also get to that later), all the flashbacks (I mean BABY LOTOR AM I RIGHT? cute cinammon roll that must be protected at all costs) and that one different reallity to were Honerva arrived (loved that, absolutely loved that).

Like Pidge watching 80′s Voltron, her and Allura dressing like their 80′s counterparts, Pidge immitating her 80′s Voltron self and giving autographs (that was simply great).

I ship Veronica and Acxa now too (what shall we call it? Veracxa? Arcxonica? Verocxa?)

I loved Lance so much this season (I mean I always do, but this season we got to see some things of him -personality/psyche- that absolutely adored).

Also the whole thing with the original paladis, love those guys.

Older Keith cannonicaly has long hair and I LIVE FOR IT.

Episode 7 “Day 47”? LOVED IT, favorite episode of the season hands down.

It gets depressing from here on so if you don’t feel nor want to check it it’s ok, there will be no anger, but it’s still me crying and being sad over fictional caracters so be warned. Allurance and Klance ahead.

Also even later it stops being so sad so there’s that.

Now, about the Allurance (this part gonna get log, bear with me here).

It didn’t feel right to me (not because Klance is and will always be my otp) but because it feel too much one sided; yeah, Lance loves Allura we know, I can live with that (he pretty much has since season 1) but it made me sad because it didn’t feel like Allura loved Lance, to me it felt too much like Lance throwing his love at Allura and Allura just... thanking him for it. It hurts even more because of had the DW’s team had said about Lance and needing someone to whom he’ll be their first option, and that’s not Allura (that’s Keith but I won’t get into that).

Allurance honest to got made me cry and it was for the reasons I meantioned and I’ll repeat them again because that’s how hung up on it I am.

I didn’t like the Allurance because it didn’t seem nor feel like Allura liked Lance back, sure as a friend and family but the same way Lance loved her? NO

He was always there for her, to support and help and cheer her up, but she wasn’t for him (in fact the few times we saw him in need for that it was Keith who was there for him -I’ll get to in a tick-).

He just wanted what he tought was best for her but did she listen? NO and don’t get me wrong I love Allura, I would pay her to step on me (I just think I liked her better at the beginning of the show which is sad). Heck, she got the kind of men a lot of people would like to date, charismatic, caring, loving, sincere, but it didn’t seem/feel like she was enjoying/wanted/liked/noticed it that much, which isn’t necesarily a bad thing sometimes we just don’t want things not matter how wanted those things are, sometimes we’re not ready, sometimes it just isn’t a priority or sth we want at that moment in particular but we may want it in the future, it just made me sad because Lance honest to god loved her sincerely.

Now that that’s ‘done’. The Klance this season.

Well, there were 2 major (and pretty much the only) Klance moments, both in where Keith is there for Lance. The first one is in the first episode when the whole Allurance date happened, it was heartwarming, because there he saw that Keith sees in Lance/the Lance that I don’t feel that Allura sees.

The second one was in episode 11 after a meeting, Lance needed some cheering up and kind of a reassurance that everything will be al rigth in the end, Keith cheered him up, Keith reassured him.

I don’t really care that Klance didn’t become canon (heck I’m used to it, few of my otps are canon) but it did hurt me, because it was hinted at, not only in the show but at certain things an comferences, and maybe I’m reading too much into it, maybe it was all filtered to me through my wishful thinking and stuff like that, BUT, they said the whole thing with Lance and the person to whom he’ll be first option and then he was Keith’s first option in the game episode in season 7, and I think that got a lot of us hyped with hope.

So it truly crushed me that they didn’t even hugged in the end.

And I think it hurted me more that other times because this was my first otp that, in my eyes, actually had an opportunity to be canon, that would make sense and that would give us some well deserved good representation. But like the majority of my otps, it didn’t happen.

And I’m not even angry about... just sad.

Because while I pretty much expected Klance to not be canon, I seriously didn’t see the Allurance coming, yeah, maybe a date was to be expected, but I think must (if not all of us) thought that ‘well, maybe they will be together for a while and later break up cuz they’ll notice they aren’t what the other is looking for’or sth like that.

And because while I didn’t expect them to become canon, I still hoped for it, hoped more than any other of my otps, because it truly feel that would be possible, that it had the biggest opportunity/chance (especially of my otps) to become canon. Because you know, Klance is canon king, or at least the fake canon king.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I won’t stay depressed over it forever, and you why? Because in the end, does it really matter? Maybe, the representation mattered, but it was not the show for it, because Voltron is a show a bout a giant robot made of 5 lions to defend the universe, romance subplots aren’t the reason why I watched Voltron, why I continued watched nor why I liked it to begin with.

I like the story, I love the characters and I love the universe, and that’s what matters the most to me. Romance is not what the show is about and it’s not why I like it.

And Klance won’t stop being my vld otp just because it isn’t canon. That’s not what shipping is about. We (or at least I) don’t ship thinks just because they’re canon, I ship things because of the chemistry of the characters, their story, heck, even maybe just for crack or aesthetics.

And in the end, that’s what fanfics are for. I’ll just continue bathing in all the Klance fanart ad fanfics.

Now see y’all, Imma go cry over my otps (mainly Klance and Asheiji) and cry more over Banana Fish (y’all should watch it, unless you’re easily triggered by certain things, better investigate the show before watching it BUT IT IS REALLY GOOD) and the fact that next week is the last episode and cry even more because I know what will happen but it will still absolutely destroy me.

Heck what about a Klance Banana Fish au in where Keith is Ash and Lance is Eiji, that would be the most angsty au ever, I like the idea, Imma do this, BE READY Y’ALL FOR THE ANGST WITH THE VLD KLANCE BANANA FISH AU TO COME, should I do it in space or rigth like BF?

23 notes · View notes

tumblunni · 5 years ago

Text

Been having a fun day today at Cardiff bay!!! We rode the "water taxi" there! It's a little boat literally right outside my house that goes directly to the premier tourist location of the country.

I was surprised how calm the boat seemed while I was on it,it was super stable and barely rocked at all. I only noticed I was getting travel sick when it was time to get off, lol! I just stood up and was hit with a wave of nausea.

Thankfully I've had somethibg to eat now so I feel a bit better. We went to cadwalladers which is a nice lil pierside ice-cream place that I remember from my childhood. Haven't been here in forever!! Apparently they've upgraded and now they do unusual flavours like bubblegum and also have a lil mini kitchen for pizzas and paninis. I had a lovely toasted cheesy onion thing with four cheeses that were super creamy and stringy and went everywhere omg. And they also had the MOST AMAZING INVENTION!!! Hot chocolate with cold icecream!!! It's so cool cos the icecream stays cold and the drink stays hot and there's like this shell of warm melty cream that forms in between them. So it avoids the usual problem of having to wait for takeaway hot drinks to cool down cos restaurants always make them obscenely hot for some reason. Here you have the powerful cream shield automatically cooling it to medium warm drinkableness as soon as it touches your lips! And it like makes a heat seal to keep the drink hot underneath??? It's like a goddamn scale model of the earth's mantle or something

Also there was a nice tour guy telling us all about how the bay used to be Important and Cardiff used to be Important and it just makes me sad. Cosbritain's primary export used to be coal and metal ore and we got so greedy that we mined it all out super fast in pursuit of more money and eventually just friggin hollowed the whole country and ran out. Cardiff used to be the biggest mine in Wales and Wales has always been this little country trapped under england's thumb and even more forgotten than Scotland and ireland. But for a brief moment we were The Best Mine In Britain and More Important Than England Maybe. We used to be a port with loads of international trade! But the mines closed down and now the one reason anyone came here is gone and we sank back down to our former forgettableness once more. And the old port became just a ship graveyard and it rotted away and we still have old rotten broken wreckage of the thing preserved on the side of the current pier shopping area as a kind of reminder of times past. We're so damn sad about it that we kept that objectively terrible looking dead driftwood even after we knocked down and converted everything else into shops. It's depressing. Hell we even had to convert the damn WATER itself! Loads of projects of making new dams and redirecting stuff and new boat pathways and filtering and wildlife preservation sectioning and et cetera. As soon as the place's purpose changed we had to realize how we'd totally destroyed it in pursuit of that singular purpose and how it wasn't fit for becoming a residential area now without extreme renovations. So at least the good side of it is that now the river taff doesn't "run black" like it used to. It's still not the cleanest thing ever but it's amazing how it went from just a giant industrial sewer to having wildlife return again. There's lots of regulations on trash pickup now and designated areas to be kept as saltwater or freshwater or a place for riverplants, etc. The loss of the trade routes meant those places could be left undisturbed again except for occasional humans coming to help monitor the animals and administer vetinary care and tag them and stuff. So I'm glad we're undoing some of the sins of our forefathers even if our country keeps getting more financially insecure and england-controlled every damn day. I don't think it would have been worth it even if the coal thing actually worked to make us independent and wasn't just a reckless piece of bullshit with an obvious time limit. Ehh at least we found some fossils from all those horrible death mines of environmental destruction and indentured child labour slavery. Man you can't go anywhere in the UK without unearthing both fossils and horrifying tales of governmental malpractice dooming all the least fortunate minorities for the sake of precious gold! So uhh..yeah..there's a fossil museum place in an old mine and I'll probably visit there sometime too, I guess. And probably vent about all this horror again lol!

The millennium centre is nice, it looks like a snail

Just generally it's nice there's a lot of museums and art and restaurants and stuff now. They actually worked on giving reasons for this to still be a tourist destination, instead of just "hey look at the monetary value we got out of exploiting poor children and migrant workers AND destroying the environment! Bonus points!"

Oh also my support worker helped show me directions to the new psychologists office I'll be attending now that I've moved house. It's actually the first one I got diagnosed in! Nice to return here after having to go ages on the bus back when I lived out in the sticks. I could never forget it cos it has a weirdass name, it's called hamadriad so I always think of a hammer dryad. Wouldn't that be the most badass D&D character??? Like a plant person who's not all willowy and pretty and magical, but like.. literally willowy, built like a fuckin buff tree who can lift entire other trees and smash you with em! And maybe their personality is like a stereotypical Viking warrior? All screaming punchy joy and beer and partying! Everyone is like 'but wtf aren't you guys meant to be all pure and spiritual' and hammer dryad is like "yeah that's why I fuckin left, lol. human world rocks!!!!"

1 note · View note