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idontevenremember5minutesago · 6 years ago

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If you dont mind me asking. What is your problem with Lance Stans?

Alright. I knew I would get this sooner or later. Note I’m not about to pull punches. Also this is a long one because I don’t want to have to answer this again so strap in for a ride. Here’s MY experience�� with Lance stans. This won’t even get into my experience with Klantis. Because that’s just a whole different ball game.

So, In the beginning everything was fine. And I can say that with confidence because I was in the Tumblr Voltron tag the day the show’ first season dropped on Netflix. I was that excited. Voltron was my childhood and I loved the direction they were taking it and I wanted to talk about it. I instantly loved all the characters but Keith, having been my favorite character in the 80’s series quickly became my favorite once again so I was excited for content on him especially. I can tell you truthfully, that even back in the early days most of the Keith content was shipping him with Lance. At the time I was alright with that. I liked Klance.and everyone shipping it was really chill (if you can believe it) but I noticed that he was usually portrayed as a pining love interest who hyped Lance up and that bummed me out cause Keith was so much more than that, but I was confident that when Keith got more development that would change. But then things took a turn as Lance stans emerged as the most vocal fans in the fandom and Klance as the most popular ship. Because he got so little focus in the first season, people had to supplant their own views of Keith’s character to write fics and draw fanart. So Lance stans already had a certain view of Keith’s character and that was, a way to prop up Lance or highlight Lance’s insecurities so he could apologize to Lance and they could have Langst (Ugh) and Klangst.

Things took a turn in S2 when Keith got his character arc and more spotlight. I was ecstatic.More people started to appreciate KEith, I got more Keith centric fanart and headcanons and Fanfictions. But then I noticed A Lot of Lance stans started to grumble and complain aoubt Keith getting a character arc, because apparently it took away Lance’s screen time and ruined the view they had developed for Keith as a empty love interest. His bond with Shiro and the alone time he got with Allura threatened Klance. Him finding out his heritage, and piloting Black and going on solo missions with other Paladins threatened the view Lance stans had of Keith and because S2 established him as his own character, and back then, for Lance stans, everything Keith needed to revolve around Lance and Lance stans got bitter and the attacks began. Now it’s important to note that there were Hunk fans who were upset Hunk didn’t get an arc, but I never saw any of them go after Keith or his fans. Also other fans were also getting mad at other characters. There were those who went after Allura and Hunk during S2. But once again those fans didnt go after the fans of the characters and they didn’t hate on the characters just to hate, rather criticized their actions, from what I saw. But Lance stans were by far the most vocal, violent and the most antagonistic. It got to the point where Keith fans were forced to participate in the then budding discourse because Lance Stans hijacked the Keith tag and filled it with their crap with bashing Keith and his fans when they defended him and his arc. We were constantly defending him and constantly suffering personal attacks for defending him. I saw Lance stans throw around the words homophobic and racist ( Which was personally offensive to me as I’m black) at Keith fans because we were happy that Keith was getting development after an entire Season out of focus.Because being happy that Keith was getting an arc was a apparently a gross offense that warranted attacks on our personal persons.

Some of the things they said was absolutely insane. Keith was horrible because he argued back when Lance started fights with him. Keith was to blame for Lance’s insecurities because he was better than him at flying. Somehow Iverson chewing out Lance was Keith’s fault. To Lance stans Keith was only one of three thrings, an empty love interest who hypes and props Lance up, A terrible person to blame for Lance’s insecurities or a combination of the two. By extension Keith fans who so much as pointed out things like Lance being mean to Keith or expressed love for Keith were Terrible people who supported the sidelining of their precious golden boy. It didnt help that I didnt know how to exclude tags on Ao3 at the time so I couldnt escape it even if I left tumblr.

As someone who viewed 80’s Keith as her Hero as a child, and who absolutely adored his new portrayal and related to him on every single level, seeing him get attacked so much was disheartening. Every trip to his tag had me leaving so sad and upset.

It got even worse when s3 dropped and Black Paladin Keith was confirmed. After months of Lance stans ragging on us and screaming for Black Paladin Lance and making headcanons about how Keith would never be chosen for the Black Paladin and that the Black Lion would absolutely reject him for Lance , to have all that debunked with Black actually rejecting everyone else and accepting Keith was too much and it sent Lance stans into a nuclear meltdown. The attacks came more and more, everyday in the tag turned into a war. Many Keith fans had to make separate accounts to combat the hate just to keep it all from our main account. It was TERRIBLE. There were so many Lance stans in the Keith tag claiming that Keith was a terrible character, that he didn’t deserve screetime and that Lance should be the main character, the black paladin, that he should get all the arcs and after months of fighting for the right to have Keith as my favorite character I. WAS.TIRED. I was tired of fighting just to have a good experience in the tag. I was tired of the attacks. I was tired of watching other Keith fans get attacked and get fed up and complain about how much they had to block and filter just to have a positive experience. I was tired of words like homophobic and racist being thrown out by Lance stans like candy. I was just tired. And so I stepped out of the fandom. I tried to still watch the show but it just reminded me of the horrible time I had and I stopped watching it as well.

I occasionally stepped my toe back in a couple of times like when Keith’s blog dropped, when his birthday was revealed, when Krolia was introduced and when the fandom did something particularly toxic and I just had to know, but my time watching the show and interacting with the fandom was done.

Until the last season dropped and there was a huge movement of people leaving the fandom and I wanted to see what was so bad and I ended up binging the entire show and rediscovered my love for it (Excluding S8 because yeah) and Keith. And thus I wondered back into the fandom.

So in conclusion, Lance stans ultimately drove me away from Voltron ( A franchise I’ve loved since I was a literal child) and I’m not ashamed to say I deeply resent them for it. I’m mature enough to admit that not all Lance stans are like that, that some hate the toxic stans just as much as I do , that some absolutely love and respect Keith but there’s too much negative feelings that I hold for that side of the fandom so i felt it best to just entirely exclude them from my Voltron experience. There’s too much of a chance that I’ll run into toxic ones again and I don’t want my time in this fandom to be ruined again. This fandom under all the toxicity can be really fun and nice and I refuse to give up on something I love ever again. And it sucks because I do love Lance and I have to pretty much stay away from his tag.

It doesn’t help that Lance stans still have the reputation of being the toxic side of the fandom for not only switching to bashing every other character in the show ( even side characters) for being ‘mean’ to Lance, but also for going after the cast and crew of the show ( Lance Stans attacked Neil Kaplan in droves because he said something about Lance), and that terribly cringy thing with the Lance stan at SDCC literally yelling at the voice actors because they felt no one appreciated him. It also doesn’t help that even now it’s a running joke even to people OUTSIDE the fandom to ‘watch what you say about that Blue guy from Voltron or his cult of fans will attack you.” I don’t want to be anywhere near that shit.

The silver lining is that the love and appreciation for Keith is at an all time high and the posts I do unfortunately come across that bash him all come from posts Lance stans made in 2017, or as I like to call ‘ the dark ages of Keith fandom’. And that Keith hate is actually out of the norm and other fans, not only Keith fans are quick to shut it down and that Fans of the other characters are just as quick to go after the fanatical Lance standom making everything about Lance. Turns out taking a break and coming back actually resulted in a much better environment so y’know small mercies and all that.

#vld #voltron legendary defender #lance mcclain #keith kogane #vld lance #vld keith #only old Keith fans will remember the dark ages #sheith #pro sheith

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toogoodmusic · 4 years ago

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THE TOO GOOD TEN with MADS LANGER

Growing up in the countryside near the small town of Skive, singer, songwriter and musician Mads Langer grew up always knowing he’d be in music. From singing songs at the age of 18 months in his own language to his latest release, “Lightning,” the new dad has been pursuing the dream for a long time now. Through honest, original and disruptive music the Danish singer has been able to be reborn time and time again through his music and continues that creativity as he looks to the release of his upcoming EP, Where Oceans Meet. The boundary pushing message of love is love in “Lightning” serves as a taste of the upcoming EP and contributes to the already 38 million streams and 506k monthly listeners he’s amassed across his career. He takes a break from his world domination to take on the latest Too Good Ten. Check out the full interview below to learn more about the latest release, “Lightning,” how becoming a dad has changed his perspective on life, how he rebounded from getting dropped by his girlfriend and label around the same time and much more.

The Too Good Ten. Ten Questions. One Artist. Too Good.

1. Looking at the beginning of your career – what was it about music that inspired you to pursue a career in it?

MADS LANGER: Expressing myself through music has been a fundamental part of my language for as long as I remember. My parents have recordings of me singing my own songs in my own language when I was 18 months old. I always knew that music was going to be my path in life. It wasn't a decision that I made at a certain time. It was more a realization that I was not gonna be able to pursue any other career even though I’ve always had plenty of other interests. I could have been in politics, in sports, in science and many other things. I could have been a teacher as my parents, my grandparents and my great grandparents were. And then again, none of these career paths were ever up for grabs. Music was and always will be my thing.

2. You got signed and had an album that you ended up describing as “flopped” and had to start over and spent time busking all over Europe. How did you come to the decision to busk in the wake of “starting over?” What did you do to keep your internal mental conversation strong through the hardships that I assume came with traveling around?

ML: I got signed when I had just turned 18. I went straight from living in my parents house, in the countryside of Denmark, to living a life full of pressure and expectations in New York City. That was quite a shocking change of scenery to be honest. Looking back, I was definitely too young at that time. When a major label first wants you it’s the end of the innocence. I had to grow up overnight and try to keep up with that big machine that started dictating how I was gonna live my life. When my first record didn't succeed commercially and I got dropped I think I saw it as an opportunity to do some of the stuff that most of my friends had done after finishing high school. But most of all that whole 6 months of busking in my old van all over Europe was an escape from heartbreak. My first girlfriend had dropped me around the same time that my label dropped me. She fell in love with a really cool guy in Paris who was older than me and he could grow a very impressive beard, hahaha…

As far as keeping my internal mental conversation strong, that's has never been problem at all and as you can imagine I had plenty of stuff to think about, write about and then finally sing about in the streets of all of these beautiful cities that I got to visit on that trip.

3. “Lightning” is the latest release and gives fans the first taste of your upcoming album Where Oceans Meet which is due out October 1st. How did you decide to release this one as the lead single? What was the inspiration behind it?

ML: In many ways, I think “Lightning” is a song that represents that certain place where the oceans meet on my album. “Lightning” is a song about recognition. When I wrote this song, I thought about all those moments in my life where I really felt recognized on a deeper level. When I met my wife. When I looked my newborn daughter in the eyes for the first time. In concerts when my music meets the audience and it feels like we're all getting struck by the same lightning. Those kinds of moments.

CHECK OUT THE FAUSTIX REMIX OF “LIGHTNING” HERE.

4. Speaking of the upcoming album – what’s the meaning behind the album title? How many songs? Any collabs? Is there a song on the album you’re nervous about releasing out to the world?

ML: Where Oceans Meet is a metaphor. The entire album circles around the different contrasts that we all face in our lives. The light, the dark. The head, the heart. Hopes and fears. It’s about loving and longing at the same time. Where Oceans Meet represents the idea of the place where all these contrasts meet and embrace each other.

5. “Lightning” follows up “Hanging With You” which peaked at #1 in Denmark radio. What’s the story behind when you first heard one of your songs on the radio? Does it ever get old?

ML: It never gets old. Every time I listen to the radio, I must admit that I hope that they will play my song. It's the best feeling ever. This might be a little far-fetched, but it's kind of like when you give someone you really care for a present for their birthday. And it's not just any kind of present. It’s a present that you put all your time, thoughts and heart into. And then one day you randomly turn on the TV. Look who's there. Is that special person that you gave the present to. She’s actually wearing that sweater that you spent five years learning how to knit. After endless attempts, you finally managed to knit a sweater that you would give her without being scared that she would think it was a joke. She’s not wearing it because she feels like she has to, because you’re on a date with her. She’s wearing it because she likes it. And she just put it on that day that she randomly got stopped by the tv-station and interviewed in the streets of your hometown. That is close to the feeling I get when I hear my songs on the radio. And no, I have no clue how to knit a sweater, but I like the image.

6. The past year in the pandemic had a lot of its own challenges but it also had some beautiful moments like the drive-in concert you organized in Denmark last May. Why did you feel it necessary to put something like this together during that time? Being the first one to do so, how did you figure out logistics, etc. for the entire event? Anything you would’ve changed about it looking back?

ML: I had just started touring when the pandemic hit us all. I had spent months preparing the show and I was extremely disappointed when I had to turn around the tour bus and go back home after only playing 10 out of 100 shows. I had a couple of weeks where I was feeling really depressed. But then I decided to see if I could turn this whole thing into some sort of an adventure. I made a list of stuff I wanted to do. On that list I had drive-in concerts for some reason. I know a couple guys who are really good at putting together big events that include live music, so we talked about how we could make this happen. All credit to them for putting logistics together. I just played the shows. I had no idea that I would be the first one in the world to do a drive in concert. But it was really fun and I would not change a thing. In my shows, everyone was on the same video conference call. I loved that because I could talk to the people in the cars in between the songs. The people in their cars requested what songs of mine that they wanted to hear. And often they had really personal stories to the songs that I never heard before. So that was something that I will never forget.

7. The past year also brought about a new baby for you – congrats! What’s been the most surprising thing about having a baby that you might not have known before?

ML: Thank you so much. Yeah, that's truly a life changing event. My little daughter is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I'm so grateful that I got to receive a little soul with my wife. Even though it has happened billions and billions of times already it still feels like a miracle. I think the biggest surprise is the fact that your whole perspective changes in the blink of an eye. She is now the single most important thing in my life. I thought that would be something that would happen gradually, but for me it really happened at the moment that she was born.

8. What do you hope to accomplish with your music in the future that you may feel you have not done already? Have any of those goals or aspirations shifted with the new addition to the family?

ML: I really hope that people will recognize themselves in my songs. Obviously, the goal is that my songs will travel and become part of people's lives in new territories. I have spent so much time in the US since I moved away from home. I lived in New York City and in Los Angeles and I spend at least three or four months a year in the US working with all the talented people that I have met over the years. Building an audience in the US is a huge dream of mine. Hopefully this album will help introducing me to people all over America.

9. If you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life, who would they be?

ML:

The Beatles

Pink Floyd

Keith Jarrett

Mozart

Radiohead

10. What’s the rest of 2021 and beyond look like for Mads Langer?

ML: My album comes out in October. That is obviously a huge event in my life, and it looks like I'm going to be very busy talking about the album and singing the songs from it in many different places all over the world. Apart from that I will be changing diapers on my newborn daughter. Kissing my wife. Learning Chinese and writing my first score for a movie that comes out in 2022.

A HUGE shout-out to the talented Mads Langer for hanging for this latest Too Good Ten interview. Keep up to date with everything he has going on by following the links below and be sure to be on the look out for his latest EP, Where Oceans Meet due out October 1st.

SOCIAL LINKS:

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

YouTube

MUSIC:

Apple Music

Spotify

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helluvascribe · 4 years ago

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A Tale of Two Shadow Men

1920s New Orleans was a vibrant place full of jazz, music, and a blending of various cultures. Good food and music were the few things that could bring the rich, the poor and everyone in between together. A few times during the year, like during Mardi Gras, people could forget their ordinary lives and just lose themselves in their minds and in the moment.

Of course, reality would rear its ugly head once again, and the people would go their separate ways. The rich lived in the well-maintained Garden District, surrounded by mansions, ivy, elegant clothing and luxury. In contrast, the poor and working class gave up many hours to earn enough money just to feed their families. That is, if they were even lucky enough to have jobs. Women and non-white individuals had it worse in comparison to the privileged white men.

Within New Orleans, there is an infamous tale that nearly everyone knows. One that, at first glance, seems like a myth to frighten children or to keep troublemakers in line. But this tale is aimed not just at children…and it’s all too real. It serves as a warning to anyone who might easily be swayed down the wrong path.

It is the classic tale of the Shadow Man.

The Shadow Man in question is Francois Keith Facilier, more commonly known as Dr. Facilier. He is noticeable by his dark brown skin, black mustache, slender build and graceful moves. He wears purple and black and carries a cane. His suave personality and silver tongue could convince many people to believe him. Many individuals thought their wishes would come true after seeing the shady businessman, only to find themselves grow old or hairy or have bad luck follow them around. All the while, Dr. Facilier would smirk and count the coins in his hands. His violet eyes are full of greed, reflecting his selfish nature. Dr. Facilier is notorious for scamming people, making deals, and smooth-talking his way out of almost anything.

Born June 4, 1880, in New Orleans, Dr. Facilier grew up in a poor household. Due to his background and the constant racism in his life, Facilier grew to be envious of the rich early on in his life. Ironically enough, his mother, Clementine, had royal blood. Her father (Facilier’s maternal grandfather), Louis was a king of New Orleans, making her a princess. Clementine was also royal in that she was a descendent of Marie Laveau, the Voodoo Queen of New Orleans. Clementine was a beautiful black woman who worked tirelessly to help with her son’s future. She had fallen in love with David, her dark-skinned husband. Clementine fell from grace before Facilier’s birth when her lovely estate was ransacked and burned by jealous criminals. She was soon forced to start her life from scratch. She eventually met a chef named David, fell in love and got married to him.

Interestingly enough, Dr. Facilier’s maternal grandmother was none other than Mama Odie, the blind Voodoo priestess who was born in 1729! (She’s 197 in 1926, older than Marie Laveau) (Mama Odie knew Marie Laveau during her lifetime and they collaborated on magic rituals!) Her expertise in Voodoo magic and spiritual bond with Marie enabled her to live as long as she did.

Facilier’s parents lived in a poor area near the bayou swamp. Over time, David became alcoholic and distant from his son. He was drafted into World War One and was killed in battle. Single and alone, the innocence that Clementine had was eventually gone. Clementine sought the wealth and luxury she had previously enjoyed. She desired it so much that she went to Mama Odie for guidance. Mama Odie told her that she and Dr. Facilier should enjoy the pleasant modest life they had.

Facilier used to be in love with a woman (who would give birth to his daughters Freddie and Celia), but she then pursued a wealthy man, making him jealous. Facilier used to use magic for good with Mama Odie but turned to the dark side.

But a modest life wasn’t good enough for either of them. Not with the daily struggles and up-turned noses from royalty and the better-off.

Clementine instilled a drive for greed into her son early on. She taught him that life simply was not fair, and that the wealthy whites always got their way. Facilier was upset that those like Prince Naveen and Eli “Big Daddy” La Bouff could enjoy their lives without laborious work or discrimination. Before long, Clementine got so desperate that she went to the dark Loa to seek their aid. They offered her wealth and a chance to start her own business. Soon enough, Clementine was running her own parlor where she read people’s fortunes and offered them their fantasies for money. She even went as far as becoming a mistress to a few of her male clients in exchange for a heap of money and jewelry.

Facilier learned of her tricks at a young age and she taught him the art of acting and manipulation. For a while, Clementine was content on watching other’s lives dwindle away while she could feel the satisfaction of being recognized and respected once again. (She made sure that those who ransacked her house had eternal bad luck). Like his father, Facilier’s mother also became distant from him, even slapping him when he misbehaved. Her son had become nothing more than a business assistant to her.

But her new life and magic powers came with a steep price. It wasn’t long before she fell gravely ill. Her skin got wrinkled like a raisin and her hair straggly like old grass. She had misused her powers and the price to pay was her own life. She soon passed away to Guinee and all that was left of her was her shrunken head, which Facilier kept in his emporium. Now the young man was left to fend for himself, with only the knowledge from his mother and the hungry stares of the evil wooden spirits watching him. Despite his mother being abusive, Dr. Facilier still missed her at times.

Not long after that, Dr. Facilier formed an alliance with the dark Loa, specifically to Baron Samedi and Met Kalfu. The wealthy had insulted him and ruined his life for long enough. He also wanted to continue his mother’s legacy, doing what he did best.

Why work hard when other people could do the work for you?

He started to dress and act like Baron Samedi, hosting musical numbers and parties in his name. Grand-Mama Odie tried to reason with her grandson, warning him that getting involved with the Loa would only bring disaster. She also reminded him of the true nature of Voodoo and Hoodoo; a cultural faith based on ancestor and saint reverence. But Facilier just laughed it off, calling her an “old senile mambo.” Facilier was too far gone after being persuaded by the cunning shadows to make a deal. His own shadow (Reilicaf) took a life of its own, reflecting his true emotions and intentions. Mama Odie found peace and connection to the spirits and her snake pet in the swamp, the place she called home. Mama Odie knew that there was no point in fighting him…unless he intended to cause harm to New Orleans. (She was powerful, but she didn’t want to harm her grandson or cause further harm to others. She decided to let him learn his lesson).

(Possible Twisted Tale book “Almost There” What if Tiana made a deal with Dr. Facilier? by authors Lim, Braswell or Calonita)

(“Disney Chilled: Fiends On The Other Side” book by Vera Strange)

AU: Takes place before Princess and the Frog

Jamal, an African American boy has lived in his twin brother Malik’s shadow all his life. Malik has a fan club, and always gets chosen in science class and gym class. Jamal feels invisible…not even his parents seem to notice him. He doesn’t even enjoy his jambalaya and ice cream. One day, Malik gets a trumpet from his grandmother and Jamal gets a skull necklace with beads and feathers. She leaves him a message that the skull necklace would protect him from the shadows. Jamal misses the bus and hides from Corton and his gang of bullies behind a dumpster. He soon runs into Dr. Facilier who offers him a chance to be popular. The red eyes from the skull glow in warning, but Jamal feels compelled to walk into the emporium. Dr. Facilier presents Jamal with a tarot card showing him proudly holding a trophy. Jamal fails to notice the image of his brother cowering in the shadows. Jamal runs to leave, the voodoo dolls watching him.

Dr. Facilier torments Jamal with tarot cards, nightmares and shadows coming after him, even Jamal’s own shadow. Jamal’s grandmother appears in a dark dream, chiding him of his choice. A tarot card reading “Death” appears by his feet. The shadow man arrives to his house one night and demands the necklace in order for him to get his wish. Jamal considers offering something else valuable. With sinking guilt, Jamal steals his brother’s trumpet and gives it to Dr. Facilier. The villain laughs and vanishes.

The next morning, Jamal finds that his parents don’t remember Malik. He looks and sees pictures of himself being successful at school, instead of his brother. He is class president and has fans asking him to sign yearbooks. He soon finds out that Malik was turned into a shadow, unnoticed by anyone except him and his skater friend Riley. Malik is furious at his brother for stealing his trumpet and being so foolish. Riley says that her grandmother has the same necklace that Jamal has. She leads the group into the bayou swamp where her grandmother lives. But Dr. Facilier sends his dolls and shadows after them. They nearly get eaten by possessed alligators when Riley’s grandmother throws dust to break the spell and save them. In the house, Riley’s grandmother reveals the same necklace that Jamal has. She reveals that Dr. Facilier used to be part of a magical order with her that used magic for good. But then he became fascinated by dark magic and soon tried to stop them. His dark magic killed Jamal’s grandmother, who had hidden under dark veils and wanted to protect her children.

The dolls burst into the room. Riley and her grandmother hold them off with magic as Jamal and Malik flee. A hurricane forms above them. They enter a clearing and soon are face to face with the shadow man. Dr. Facilier’s shadow arrives and strangles the shadowy Malik. Jamal begs him to let him go but Dr. Facilier demands him to hand over the necklace. Jamal realizes, too late, that Riley and Malik had been his true friends all along. Riley’s grandmother warns that Dr. Facilier will be unstoppable if he gets the necklace. Riley steps in to help with her staff but the dolls pin her down.

Jamal realizes that if he breaks the necklace, Dr. Facilier will lose his soul. Dr. Facilier then says that if he dies, then Malik will vanish forever, as he is the only one who can reverse the curse. Malik is about to get eaten by Dr. Facilier’s shadow. Feeling pity for his brother, Jamal gives him the necklace in defeat. Dr. Faciler grins and grows taller in power, eyes red. Jamal then demands that he release Malik…only for him to become a shadow as well. Dr. Facilier laughs, saying that he didn’t promise Jamal that he would save him. A hurricane devastates New Orleans and Dr. Facilier briefly becomes a mayor, doing martial law. He is able to make decisions and plans to take over New Orleans. Jamal and Malik remain unnoticed by their parents who live a life without their children. The brothers begin to fade as Dr. Facilier laughs and says, “Now you know what it’s like to lurk in the shadows…forever!”

Mama Odie eventually breaks the spell and brings down Dr. Facilier’s rule after the city recovers from the hurricane. But Jamal, Malik, Riley and their grandmothers remain dead.

(“Princess And The Frog” by Disney)

1926

The Loa grant the witch doctor Facilier dark magic and he uses it to swindle the citizens of New Orleans for easy money. He “grants” wishes and poses as a shady businessman. Despite his magic powers, Dr. Facilier still struggled financially and wanted to seize the La Bouff fortune. He plots to use Naveen and Charlotte’s union to seize their fortune. However, if Dr. Facilier failed to properly pay the Loa back, he would lose his soul. Still, he was willing to take that risk.

At his parlor, he offers Naveen freedom while offering Lawrence a chance to live the life of a prince. He reads their Tarot cards, and Naveen fails to see the green lily pads in the background. Naveen is turned into a frog and Lawrence becomes a copy of Naveen through a talisman. Dr. Facilier planned to murder Eli “Big Daddy” La Bouff as Charlotte and the disguised Lawrence got married, the two villains would then split the money 60-40. Dr. Facilier wanted to become the most powerful man in the city.

Later on, Dr. Facilier asks for help from his “friends on the other side” after Naveen’s blood runs out from the talisman. Dr. Facilier offers the dark spirits the souls of the citizens as payment, and he soon gains an army of shadow demons to track down the heroes.

Naveen escapes and grabs the talisman, saving Big Daddy. Dr. Facilier kills Ray and creates an illusion of Tiana’s restaurant to try and persuade her. Tiana breaks free and shatters the talisman. The spirits enter the cemetery and drag Dr. Facilier to the Voodoo spirit world (Guinee) to be tormented forever.

(“Murder On The Air” by Kathy Prior 42)

(“Hazbin Hotel” by Vivziepop)

This is where the story of Dr. Facilier should end. He was a man green with envy over the lives of the rich. His desire led him down the path of evil and darkness. He almost had Tiana and New Orleans under his control, but thankfully Tiana, Naveen, Ray, the crocodile and the others saved the day.

But not many people know that Dr. Facilier wasn’t alone. In fact, there was a second Shadow Man that existed in New Orleans. But who was it?

The obvious answer would appear to be Dr. Facilier’s shadow. But that’s not the case, despite it being an actual man of shadow. The man was actually a physical man.

No, it wasn’t the Axeman either, though the other man was a serial killer…perhaps even worse than the Axeman himself.

Not only did this Shadow Man exist…he was also Dr. Facilier’s younger distant cousin.

Dr. Facilier had a father and a royal mother, Clementine. Dr. Facilier’s grandmother was Mama Odie. Mama Odie had a twin black sister named Odette, a woman of Native American descent who revered Yemaya. She was also related to Marie Laveau. Odette didn’t live as long as Odie (She lived long due to magic and genetics) but shared her feisty personality. Odette died long before the 1920s but not before she gave birth to a few children after marrying Mathis, a jazz musician. Her favorite child was a girl named Antoinette Loretta Duvalier. She followed in her footsteps, becoming a well-known Voodoo priestess and doing good deeds for the community.

Antoinette enjoyed her life, but also faced discrimination and a hard job. She was pressured to marry and meet societal expectations. To have a more stable life, she married a white French man, named Armand Louis Moreau, who was equally in love with her. Armand’s parents did not approve of the interracial marriage but Armand pledged his devotion to his wife. The couple then had a French Creole son on January 24, 1896…a boy named Alastor.

Alastor grew up in New Orleans, raised by his father and mother. As a young child, he was exposed to the wonders of the woods and secrets of the swamp. Although his family was far from rich, he was still able to live a fairly comfortable life. He had short brown hair, brown eyes and medium brown skin. He would often wear glasses, bow-ties and suspenders. Although he, too was jealous that the rich lived better off, little Alastor mostly pursued his passion for music and theater early on. He especially enjoyed all the festive holidays like Mardi Gras, All Soul’s Day, St. John’s Day, Christmas and more.

As time went on, Alastor started to be bullied by his peers for his heritage and “feminine” interests. It wasn’t uncommon for boys to throw rocks and mud at him, calling him “Chocolate Boy” or racial slurs. They would pour cold water on him, telling him to “wash off.” Playing musical instruments and doing theater were the only good parts about school. Whenever Alastor would get sad, his mother would tell him, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile.” He learned to appear happy and confident as much as possible, after all, “boys don’t cry.” Alastor and his mother were inseparable. Antoinette taught him how to make jambalaya and Creole meals, how to sew Voodoo dolls, do rituals and play music. They would dance together to the gramophone. In contrast, Armand wanted Alastor to get into more “masculine” interests like sports, hunting and girls. But Alastor wasn’t interested in anyone as he grew up. Alastor got through the days by working hard and smiling like he had no care in the world. Louis Armstrong and his mother were his lifelong role models. He was a happy, go-lucky kid who respected his ancestors and rolled along with life.

But events built up over the years that would led to a traumatic event. Armand grew tiresome of Alastor, even calling him a “mixed bastard of sin.” Armand went to church more and felt more pressure to conform from his parents. He started hitting and beating Alastor whenever he misbehaved. He would chide his wife for not having the house clean enough or for not having dinner ready. Alastor learned hunting and taxidermy from his father, and also how to shoot a gun. But aside from hunting trips in the winter, their relationship was distant and strained.

One fateful night around ten years old, Alastor caught his father hooking up with another woman behind his mother’s back. Furious, Armand stomped into Alastor’s room and proceeded to molest the little boy. Alastor’s mother came in to comfort him and wash him up, but Alastor was adverse to touch ever since. Antoinette couldn’t do anything, as Armand was the head of the household. To the delight of Armand’s parents, Armand declared his divorce to Antoinette, where he would take most of their stuff and leave Antoinette and Alastor in poverty. After beating his son, Armand was about to rape his sleeping wife to “teach that whore one more lesson.” But before he could, Alastor snapped. With shaking hands, he takes a riffle and shoots his father square in the chest. This startles Antoinette awake. Alastor quickly hides the body outside and Antoinette never knows what he did.

Alastor grew up and completed school. As a teen, he collected bugs, swam in the creek, befriended gators, hunted and hiked. He also enjoyed the Picture Show, going to as many shows as he could. He began to smoke and explore more death-related rituals and the dark Loa. His also let his dark brown hair grow long, up to his chin.

In 1912, Alastor witnesses the Titanic sinking in the newspaper. A hurricane arrives in New Orleans, but Alastor and his family rescue other people and recover. Alastor decides to let a cruel policeman drown instead of helping him.

World War One arrives and Alastor is drafted. While there, he witnesses his comrades die next to him. He is part of the team that operates radios for communication. After returning home, his interest in radios increases and he begins crafting his own.

Sadly in 1918, the Spanish Flu occurs, resulting in the death of his beloved mother. No doctors are willing to help. A heartbroken Alastor is left to bury his mother in the cemetery next to his grandmother. In a fit of rage, Alastor kills criminals at night in disguise, earning him the Vigilante title. Alastor was no longer connected to his ancestors, his Voodoo magic turning Petro red. Alastor trailed down the dark path, leading him to practice the stereotypical evil Voodoo portrayed in media. He even began placing curses and hexes on people, wearing alligator teeth on a necklace.

Soon, it was just him and a life of poverty. Alastor nearly commits suicide in 1920, but comes across Dr. Facilier at his emporium. Both of them find out they’re cousins and they pursue music, wine, cooking and dark magic together for several months. Facilier then reads Alastor’s fortune and attempts to steal what was left of his money. Facilier promises him a better life with wealth and less grief. Alastor agrees to his deal.

Met Kalfu, Baron Samedi and Furfur embed Alastor with powerful Eldritch magic to use in the afterlife should he win. (But these Loa weren’t the traditional Papa Legba, Kalfu and the others Alastor had revered in the past. These beings were pure evil.) In order to assure his powers, they tell Alastor to offer human souls to them, which he eventually does. His powers would increase, the more souls he collected. Alastor’s faith and heart breaks as he loses his connection with the genuine Loa and the saints of his youth.

Alastor offers his soul, afterlife powers and money to Dr. Facilier and the Loa if Dr. Facilier is able to achieve his goal of being wealthy and powerful. But if Facilier fails, then Alastor gains Dr. Facilier’s powers and servitude. Both men shake hands, along with their sentient shadows. There was another factor to the deal: The man who dies first would automatically lose. Alastor quickly leaves before Dr. Facilier gets any ideas.

The luck magic, coupled with hard work, enables Alastor to be a bandleader and gain fame for his work. Per agreement, Alastor gives Dr. Facilier some of his money to continue his dark work. The intrigued CBS arrive to interview Alastor about his performances in 1920. They hear of Alastor’s expertise in fixing radios and creating a crystal radio set of his own. Alastor is eventually interviewed and hired as a radio DJ in a low-class position. Playing the same songs soon got boring. Alastor didn’t put the effort into his music only to be stuck with more racism and a lower status. The higher ups were loudmouths standing in the way of his goal.

So he decides to eliminate them instead.

Alastor would soon be known as the greatest radio host in the city…and the Louisiana Lunatic serial killer. He takes great care to avoid the Axeman, and even writes a similar letter that he made, telling people to play jazz at night.

1920s

The Roaring 20s begins, the peak of Alastor’s life. He basks in wealth and fame, drinking liquor, bitter coffee, and flirting with women. He meets flapper performer Mimzy who quickly becomes his best friend. Mimzy falls in love with Alastor but he doesn’t feel the same way. They nearly have sex but Alastor refuses. Mimzy wants to marry Alastor and go on extravagant tours around the world. But Alastor prefers peace and quiet in the wilderness. Mimzy is saddened at this but they still remain close friends, performing and dancing together.

Mimzy accidentally drinks a poisoned drink set by Alastor that was meant for a womanizer rapist he was watching. He is heartbroken over his friend’s death. He doesn’t want to be tied down and he thinks his sexuality is something that is wrong with him. (The term asexuality didn’t exist and he remembers when his grandparents suggested he be put in an asylum).

During the Roaring Twenties, Alastor begins his killing spree of racist men, rapists, and criminals. He is called the Vigilante and the Louisiana Lunatic and kills his victims in various ways. Guns, knives, axes, traps, and fire were some of the many tools he used. Alastor spares women and children.

Alastor flirts with women and manipulates them because it’s fun to do. People who made deals with him often found their money stolen by him. Many women are charmed by Alastor but Alastor doesn’t get intimate with any of them. He enjoys dancing with women and being on stage. Alastor lavishes in wealth, buying new red suits and top hats, a fancy red car and a microphone cane with golden deer antlers.

On the radio, Alastor tells dad jokes (especially radio-themed ones) and describes the deaths of his victims in detail. No one suspects that he is the killer until much later. Alastor also pulls pranks on people for fun (thumbtacks, kick me signs, soap in drinks, whoopee cushions, plastic doorways). Before the end of every program, he plays his favorite song, “You’re Never Fully Dressed Without A Smile.”

1926

(The events of “Princess and the Frog” take place.)

Dr. Facilier’s shadows capture 30 year old Alastor and Dr. Facilier steals some of his stuff. Dr. Facilier mocks him and says that he’ll get to watch all of New Orleans fall. Facilier grins at the thought of being all powerful and watching the Loa steal Alastor’s soul. Alastor is shocked by the betrayal and his cruelty. Before Dr. Facilier can kill his helpless cousin, the shadows arrive with the frog Naveen. Alastor uses the distraction to escape. (Alastor couldn’t bring himself to kill his cousin). Dr. Facilier is dragged into the Voodoo spirit world by the Loa after failing to keep the talisman intact. A victorious Alastor grins as his cousin is dragged away screaming. Alastor is more than happy to announce his death on the radio.

The other Axeman’s letter:

Hell, 1929

Esteemed Mortal of New Orleans: The Louisiana Lunatic

They have never caught me and they never will. They have never seen me, for I am invisible, even as the sound waves that surround your earth. I am not a human being, but a demon from the hottest hell. I am what you Orleanians call the Louisiana Lunatic. Down here, I’m the inevitable Radio Demon.

When I see fit, I shall appear and claim other victims as I see fit. I alone know whom they shall be. No clues will be left behind, save for what you might hear on the next broadcast.

Tell the police and the racist, elite scum of the world to beware. Let them try not to discover who I am, for it’d be better for them not to have been born than to incur the wrath of the Louisiana Lunatic. You’ll have a deer in the headlights look and won’t have any idea what hit you until after it’s too late.

Undoubtedly, you Orleanians think of me as a monster and murderer. But if I wanted to hurt anyone else here, I would have done so already. If I wished, I could pay a visit to your city every night. I could kill every one of your best and worst citizens, for I am in a close relationship with the Shadows of the Other Side.

At 6:06 pm next Friday night, I am going to pass over New Orleans and then visit those in Hell. I am going to make a little proposition to you people. Here it is:

I am very fond of jazz music, electro swing, and jambalaya. I swear by all the Loas and deities that I will spare those who can provide me with some great entertainment when I visit. Word of warning, I can read you people like a book, and see into your very souls. Anyone foolish enough to challenge me will have their corpses consumed and their screams muffled by the lovely sound of jazz bands jamming the night away.

I have been, am, and will be, the worst spirit that ever existed in fact, fantasy, or the realm of Hazbins.

Smile and stay tuned!

1929

The Great Depression comes into effect as well as the Stock Market Crash of 1929. Alastor enjoys reading about the chaos in the newspaper. People frantically sell their stuff and beg for jobs and money. He also enjoys seeing the orphans suffering homeless in the streets as it reminds him of his better off status. He also finds children annoying and undisciplined, a leftover trait from his father.

But soon, things take a downward turn. Alastor begins to lose money and food, his former glory days over. Alastor hoards radios and radio furniture in his house. He grows bony thin and his eyes have bags under them. Alastor grows unhealthy due to lack of food, and (almost!) resorts to cannibalism. He also fears losing his radio audience due to the prospects of TV. He meets Russian born Vincent (Vox), an ABC broadcasting company CEO who taunts him for his race and career. They get into a fight but victorious Vox leaves, saying to him that his days are over.

Alastor becomes depressed, cutting into his skin for rituals or just to taste his own blood…to feel something. His self-inflicted cuts add to the scars on his back and body from his dad and struggling criminals.

1929

Alastor finds an abandoned baby in a dumpster and briefly takes care of her. The Japanese baby is Nerissa Nefuti, also known as Niffty. Niffty is placed in an orphanage where she gets adopted by a picture bride and her husband, who travel to their home in California.

1933

Alastor becomes more careless with his killings, and is soon discovered by police in 1933. The police sends dogs after him, a German Shepard, a Pit Bull, and a hunting Black Lab dog. As he runs, he is bitten by a rabies infected dog in an alley. Alastor races through the snowy woods, experiencing painful headaches, and hallucinations of drowning and his parents being killed as deer. The police dogs bite at his legs but he shakes him off and runs some more.

A deer hunter spots him, thinking he’s a deer at first. He is fearful and disgusted by the madman who rushes at him head on. The hunter is Vox’s friend and Vox smirks. Alastor’s insane eyes beg the hunter to finish him off, as he didn’t want to be arrested. The hunter almost shoots him but finds he can’t do it. Vox then shoots Alastor between the eyes and his body falls. (Video Killed the Radio Star). The dogs bark and maul at Alastor moments before the gunshot. The police arrive and see the hole in his forehead, his glazed eyes, bloodied clothing and frozen smile. Alastor’s body is promptly burned, his belongings destroyed and his radios given away to an antique shop. His death is announced on his own radio station by none other than Vox before it, too, is done for. Many of his fans are saddened but the majority of New Orleans is relieved that the killer is gone. Vox is hailed as a hero before he returns to his job in another state.

Think that’s the end of Alastor’s story? Think again!

(“Hazbin Hotel” by Vivziepop)

Alastor arrives in Hell and becomes a red deer-like demon with sinister red eyes. With his human memories still intact and his new powers granted to him, he soon terrorizes Hell and broadcasts his massacres on the radio. This earned him the title of the Radio Demon. His shadow (Rotsala) had a life of his own, behaving much like Dr. Facilier’s sinister shadow sidekick. Alastor also has a microphone staff that allows him to broadcast anywhere in Hell. Alastor, too has singing friends on the other side.

(Dr. Facilier eventually becomes a snake demon and Alastor’s helpless slave in Hell. The Loa in Guinee decide to further torment him by sending him to Hell’s greatest tormentor, Alastor. Dr. Facilier gets further humiliated when his younger cousin tortures him and reminds him that he now has his powers. Hence how Alastor became a “ripoff” of Dr. Facilier.)

His parents are different as well. His father Armand became Neleus, a cruel black dog demon with large antlers. (Referencing Alastor’s fear of dogs and his father) His mother Antoinette became Poena, a humanoid red doe who can travel between Heaven and Hell.

(The events of the Alastor Prequel Comic and the Hazbin Hotel Pilot Episode take place.)

Alastor strolls around Hell, flirting with Victorian women and indulging in the act of cannibalism, thanks to his mentor Rosie. Alastor protects women from evil men but also doesn’t like strong-willed women who disagree with him or break the old societal standards. He reunites with Mimzy and they share a dance. Vox becomes a ruler over television, becoming Alastor’s powerful rival. While Vox seeks power through evolution, Alastor is content to be stuck in the past. (Alastor hates Vox, not just because of their differences in technology). Vox was also Niffty’s abusive husband.

Alastor makes deals with the cleaning cyclops Niffty and the alcoholic cat demon Husk. Both of them protect Alastor and do tasks for him in exchange for safety and comfort. Everyone runs away at the sight of him, leaving him with no real companions. (He misses his mother dearly, and will do anything to reunite with her). Alastor grows to dislike people in elite authority positions, and finds it hard to express his true feelings to anyone.

Feeling bored and lonely over the decades, Alastor seeks out a new form of entertainment. Alastor knows that Vox could overpower him easily if he doesn’t seek new alliances. Alastor witnesses Charlie, the princess of Hell on TV talk about her plan to redeem sinners by opening up a hotel. It is her hope that demons can become better individuals so they can go up to Heaven and be safe from the yearly exterminations that take place in Hell. Alastor visits said hotel and offers to help. He meets Charlie’s girlfriend Vaggie, and Angel Dust, one of the hotel clients. Alastor fixes up the hotel with his magic and summons Niffty and Husk to his aid. He almost convinces Charlie to make a deal with him. Charlie instead orders him to help her out. The two share a dance before Alastor protects the hotel from another villain. Everyone knows that Alastor is up to no good, but Charlie decides to give him a chance.

So there you have it: the two Shadow Men of New Orleans were once innocent boys who each wanted freedom, love and better lives. Alas, their choices along with their circumstances made them the popular shady showmen they are to this day. Is it unknown if these men can be redeemed or if they even want to at all. The two tales merge into one, with the most disturbing message of all. We all have shadows inside of us, and sometimes it doesn’t take much for a person to turn evil. Whether it be a slimy snake in the shadows or a dancing demonic deer, one can never be too careful when dealing with the darkness.

#alastor #hazbinhotel #drfacilier #disney #voodoo

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diarrheaofthekeyboard · 5 years ago

Text

#41

9.4.2020 - 9.8.2020

At age 5, sometime in the summer of 1983, I went to my first Mets game. I know they played the Montreal Expos. I’m pretty sure George Bamburger was still the manager. Tom Seaver was on the team. I do not know if he pitched that game. But I know I saw him pitch on tv as a Met that year.

My early childhood from that point forward was consumed with baseball (and cartoons) until about 1989 when the Mets were bad again. They just got worse until I went to college, but I still watched. I couldn’t watch Mets games in college, so I mostly forgot about baseball. I graduated in 2000 and came home to the Mets and Yankees in the Subway Series. And I was back in it.

The Mets predictably lost, and it was the worst because the Yankees were dynastic, but something else happened. After raising me as a Mets fan, my father outed himself as a Yankee fan.

My dad was born in Brooklyn in 1950 and raised in Sheepshead Bay, which is close to Coney Island. Story goes he asked my grandfather to go see the Dodgers and was told “next year”. That was 1957. He never got to see the Dodgers in Brooklyn. They, and the New York Giants, moved to California before the 1958 season. This is pretty fucked up. And though I never asked him while he was alive, it would make no sense for my grandfather to have claimed he didn’t know the Dodgers were leaving. It was the biggest news in Brooklyn.

For 4 years, there was only one New York team. The Yankees. They won the World Series in 1958 and 1961. They lost the World Series in 1960. The Mets first season was 1962 and promptly set the record for most games lost in a season, in the modern era. The Yankees beat the San Francisco Giants in the World Series that year. In 1963 the Yankees lost to the Los Angeles Dodgers, but who could root for the Dodgers after they left Brooklyn? That was traitorous. In ‘64 the Yankees lost the World Series to the St. Louis Cardinals. They were terrible after that.

In 1967, Tom Seaver debuted for the New York Mets. They were still the worst team in baseball. In 1969, led by Seaver, the Mets were champions. My dad, by this time in college, became a fan.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in tracing his sports allegiances, it’s that he’s a bandwagoner. We never watched hockey, but for some reason had 4 copies of an Islanders record from the early 80s. We never really watched football, but he did like to watch the Cowboys. Why wasn’t he a Giants fan? Or a Jets fan? It never really made sense.

The entire reason we went to that game in 1983 was my dad got tickets from work. The owner of the company he worked for had box seats about 10 rows behind the third base dugout. We would go once or twice a year and my dad would complain about traffic. We went to Game 1 of the 1986 World Series. I still have my ticket. It was a big moment for me, having just turned all of 9 years old. It’s still a big moment for me. We sat 6 rows from the back of the stadium and couldn’t see anything. But we were there.

I never had reason to believe my dad was anything other than a Mets fan. And then, there I am, freaking out in 2000 as Benny Agbayani hands the ball to a fan in the stands because he thought there were three outs, and my dad is outing himself further as a Yankee fan with every moment.

I don’t remember when this took place, but I know it happened. I was so angry I was raised a Mets fan. But it went something like this:

Why would you do this to your child? You know how bad they are. You read the paper. You never bothered to tell me the Yankees won the World Series in 1978. I could have gone through life as a carefree Yankee fan, not ever having to know the intricacies of the game, and never beating myself up in the years they weren’t competitive because they’re the fucking Yankees! They always come back.

At that point, I couldn’t give up the Mets. For the damage being invested in their losing had done to me, and for what it would continue to do to me. For 20 years until I left New York, I probably watched 150 games a year, whether on tv or at Shea. I didn’t just double down. It became all consuming. And gut wrenching. Hey! You had a shit day at work! Let’s agonize over this garbage team and argue with the tv announcers every day. As I bounced from apartment to apartment, job to job, there would always be the constant, soothing misery of the Mets.

The 2000 baseball season had been my introduction to Tom Seaver the announcer. Keith Hernandez too. I actually got to see him play. He was the quintessential first baseman. Now I got to listen to them regularly. Along with Ralph Kiner, Gary Thorne, and Howie Rose, they were fantastic. They talked about the game like a coach should talk about the game. Every game, regardless of how bad the team was, became a clinic in “How to Baseball”. I loved it.

In 2006, the Mets got their own broadcasting network and consolidated the announcing team. Ralph Kiner’s health had declined over the years and he would only return on home Sunday games. Fran Healy and Tim McCarver were finally, mercifully gone. Seaver left too. He had gone into winemaking in ‘05 and wanted to pursue it full time. Taking over play-by-play was radio announcer Gary Cohen. He had been Bob Murphy’s understudy and was a familiar pick. Keith Hernandez stayed and fellow 80s Met Ron Darling was added as well. They’re still in the booth today, and they’re fantastic.

Seaver would show up from time to time. There was never a down, dull moment with him. You’d get an adrenaline rush just listening to him.

I’m going to say something controversial. I hated Shea Stadium. It was a nasty, ugly place. But there’s one thing about it that CitiField just can’t replace. The entire stadium was built from concrete blocks and it was very closed in. Each entrance to the seating area from the concourse was like its own little tunnel into another world. You come out of the darkness and into the light of the greenest field you’ve ever seen. I got goosebumps and would nearly be on the verge of tears, every time I walked through, from that first game in 1983, until they tore the place down at the end of the 2008 season.

I did make sure to be there at the last game. It was terrible. The Mets needed to beat the Marlins to get into the Wild Card and it didn’t happen. Then we waited seemingly forever for the post-game ceremony to begin, absolutely fuming that we had been duped by this shit team again. Finally, things got started. Mets greats were announced. And Tom Seaver and Mike Piazza closed the centerfield gate together, formally closing the book on Shea. It was a good moment even though the season ended terribly.

We moved to California two years ago. This was my opportunity to finally get rid of the Mets. I was determined to do it. I started watching A’s and Giants games. I even started watching Dodger games. At the start of the season, I was set to ride the A’s and Dodgers all the way to a California World Series. Then COVID hit. The season was cancelled. I lost my job. School was cancelled. Bad news increased exponentially. And when the baseball season finally started in July, my wife said she wanted to watch the Mets. She wasn’t going to give me a choice either.

We met in 2006. She had moved to NYC the previous year and kinda bandwagoned her way into Yankee fandom. Because why not. She was really a football fan anyway. One of her previous boyfriends was apparently a huge Cubs fan. She says every time they lost he’d be upset for days. Which, historically, is a tough place to be as a Cubs fan. As we dated and got closer she saw just how many games I would watch on a yearly basis. It’s a lot.

She got used to me pacing around, guitar in hand, yelling at the TV. She studied for the bar exam through this. One time, I forget what was going on, she’s reading flashcards and I had taken issue with something Gary Cohen said. And I hear quietly, “don’t argue with Gary!” I can still hear the inflection in her voice in my head. I turned around and started telling her why I disagreed with him and her only response was “did I say that out loud?” Gary, Keith, and Ron were hugely important to not only her tolerance of my baseball tv domination, but also her appreciation of the game. She only knew Ralph Kiner as this cute old man. And every so often, Seaver would come back and she’d see me well up with visceral feelings.

I cried when Ralph Kiner died. Around 2014/2015 I wrote a blog titled “The Common Sense Mets Fan”. At the time, I was convinced the Sandy Alderson administration would right the team and keep the Wilpons at bay. I was wrong. Anyway, here’s what I wrote:

On the last day of the season, as usual, Gary Cohen said goodbye to Ralph Kiner. But there was something different about it this time. There was fear in Gary’s face, as though he knew this was his last opportunity to sign off with Ralph. I had seen hints of it in years past, but never like this. Sadly, Ralph passed today, I hope peacefully.

As a Mets fan, this is like losing a grandfather or great uncle. Ralph had always been there. From his stories about Elizabeth Taylor to his willingness to argue advanced metrics and hitting style with Keith Hernandez, he was ever present in the Mets broadcast booth. I’ll never be able to hear the game again the same way. Thank you, Ralph.

At the time, I said to my wife, “the next time I cry about the Mets, it’ll be when Tom Seaver dies.” This was before their 2015 run. Before the Wilmer Flores incident. Before I was sitting on my couch with a 1 year old, watching them in a World Series, as I did my best impression of Randy Quaid from Major League. I refused to allow myself to enjoy the success of the team because I knew they would lose. It was just a matter of when. And of course, they did lose to the Kansas City Royals. But they got a lot further than I thought they would.

When MLB decided to move forward with a truncated 2020 season, I was reluctant to watch. It’s not safe for anyone involved and seems to be all about corporate greed. But of course, like moths to a flame, we watched. And as I mentioned, my wife said, “we’re watching the Mets.” I didn’t want to. But she was right. In a year like we’ve never seen before, Gary Cohen, Ron Darling, and Keith Hernandez did something, and are doing something, nobody else is. They gave us levity and calm. Led by Gary, they are unafraid to address the news of the day while knowing the escape they provide. The BLM t-shirt moment was unparalleled. And unfortunately, they’d have another day to provide calm the next week.

As you well know by now, George Thomas Seaver died last week. He had contracted lyme disease years ago, while working in the vineyards. For some people, lyme goes undiagnosed for years while doctors treat the symptoms without putting it all together. This seems to have been what happened to Tom. It progressed with complications and he developed Lewy Body dementia. His family announced his retirement from public life and the Mets announced they would erect a statue to him outside of CitiField. They changed the address of the stadium to 41 Seaver Way. But in true Wilpon Mets fashion, still no statue.

Finally, last week, Tom died due to complications from COVID. I was sitting on the couch, watching some random baseball game and reading Twitter. I saw the Baseball Hall of Fame announcement on Twitter, exclaimed “oh no!”, and went upstairs to be alone for a minute. My wife was on the phone. She ran upstairs to see me sitting with my head in my hands and asked what happened. I told her and then told her how stupid I felt for letting this get to me. And she said, “yeah, but you said after Ralph died this would happen”.

Our son came upstairs to see what he was missing. I told him. He said “who’s that?” And we had a long talk I think bored him. And it’s then it hit me what had happened. As I’ve detailed in the past 4 pages of text, Tom Seaver meant a lot to me, even though in my experience as a Mets fan, he was really just a peripheral character. I saw him on the field a couple of times. He was talked about. He was an announcer for a few years, and he’s mostly been out of the spotlight for the past 15 years. Here I was, having a visceral, uncontrollable reaction to a childhood figure I never met. How the fuck were people who actually knew him going to keep it together?

They couldn’t do it. Gary and Ron did their best. Apparently, Keith’s mom also had dementia, and he lost it. There was a lot of silence during the game. A lot of big sighs from Keith. A lot of on air hurting. It was gut wrenching. I saw an Ed Kranepool quote that said, “this was a terrible ending to a horseshit year.” And it’s only September!

At this point, nearly a week later, it’s difficult to remember where I saw it. But here it is. The reason I’ve spent all this time spilling my guts about a guy I never met. Tom Seaver was a beacon. He wasn’t just someone who had a talent and pursued it. He was constantly trying to reinvent himself and pursue that passion, whether he was good at it or not. But even moreso, he was a positive influence on everyone around him. I’ve never heard a story about Seaver fighting with anyone. He wanted to be Rembrandt with a baseball. And he wanted to lift people up around him.

I feel isolated and alone. There’s not much I feel like I can control. I can get out my thoughts, I can be a good husband and a good father. I can explore my music. And I can use the latter to pull myself out of the former. That’s what Tom would tell me to do.

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voltronfandomhag · 5 years ago

Note

"Or we that we hate most of the male GoLion pilots because they were 20 something year-old men who spent about half the series ogling a teenage girl." Can you explain this?

In GoLion all the male pilots had a crush on Princess Fala (Allura) to varying degrees. I’m going to show you a few examples to get my point across.

There’s a scene in “Introducing Beautiful Honerva” where Fala dashes straight to castle control from her bath, clad only in a bath towel, to answer Raible’s (Coran’s) summons.

The male pilots all blatantly ogle her:

The rest of this is going behind a cut because of all the images. Also, there’s going to be some discourse and salt. So if you want to avoid that, consider yourself warned.

There’s a scene in “Friday the 13th” where the team is swimming in the lake surrounding the castle. Fala wears a tiny pink bikini.

Here is Kurogane and Seido’s (Lance and Hunk’s) reaction to the sight:

In “Altea’s Sister Planet” there’s a scene where Fala lets her pet mouse Platt climb into her flight suit to escape the cold.

Kurogane’s reaction:

In “The Prince Imperial’s Dark Love” Raible and the male pilots are rowing a boat around the lake while Fala waves to her people gathered around the shore. Kurogane asks Raible why they’re doing this:

All the pilot pilots dive into the water and race to pick Fala flowers in hopes of receiving a kiss.

All the male pilots also had crushes on Allura in Voltron. I also feel it’s important to note that in both shows these crushes largely fade into the background as the story progresses. However there are a few key differences between how this plays out in GoLion vs Voltron:

1) While Kogane (Keith) is also attracted to Fala, nothing becomes of it, with Kogane becoming more akin to a mentor/big brother figure to Fala. In Voltron this attraction eventually develops into a budding romance between Keith and Allura.

2) Allura’s age is never stated in Voltron. The narrative, however, treats her as around the same age as the grown male pilots. Also, changes to the time-line in Voltron vs GoLion suggest she could very likely be a few years older than Fala. Most people in the fandom headcanoned her as being around 18 to early 20s.

3)GoLion states Fala is 16 years-old. We’re never given ages for the male pilots but fans generally assume that they’re around 20-24 years-old, with the obvious exception of Suzuishi (Pidge).

Now, this is where we get to discussion of how some of the self-identified anti-fans who actually watched GoLion handled this and the double standards involved. Most of them did, to some degree, acknowledge that supposedly 20-something year-old dudes wanting to romance a 16 year-old was problematic. This stuff was one of the reasons many of them condemned Kallura, including VLD Kallura, as problematic trash. Never mind Keith and Allura are both teenagers in VLD; never mind they’re likely both adults in DoTU; never mind both of them are undeniably adults in Voltron Force and V3D. All versions of the pairing must be hated because of the GoLion dynamic.

However, many antis really liked Kogane, Kurogane, and Seido! They liked those characters in other Voltron retellings too, especially VLD (until they turned on the show, anyway)! You could argue that since all these characters were teenagers in VLD, it wouldn’t make sense to hate them because of what happened in GoLion. But remember, according to them we’re supposed to hate Kallura because of the age difference in GoLion. Also, according to their logic regarding Lotor, we can’t separate a character from their past incarnations.

This refusal to apply the same logic and standards to all the characters led to this weird state of acknowledging GoLion’s problematic aspects while at the same time shifting blame or downplaying them when convenient. I once saw a post from anti-fan blaming Kurogane’s behavior towards Fala on the writers, for example. Like, I don’t know how to tell you this, but none of these characters have any agency of their own. Literally everything they do is because a writer had them do it. Then these fans would talk about how glad they were the guys (or the writers) “learned better.”

There were also a lot of post from these people calling the grown male GoLion pilots “space dads” and Fala their adopted daughter. Ugh, yeah, it’s very obvious they didn’t see Fala as a daughter figure. Now, you could argue they eventually came to see her as a sister figure. Like I said, their crushes on her gradually faded away about halfway into the story. But why would people in their early 20s see a 16 year-old as a daughter to them?! lol

But, of course, these types of fans are always going to find reasons why the characters and ships like are okay even when, by their logic, they should be condemned as problematic trash. Meanwhile, characters and ships they don’t like will somehow, always, because be garbage no one should ever touch. So naturally they’re not going to apply a consist logic to everything or else their arguments would fall apart.

#ask #anon #discourse #salt

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psychicscavenger · 6 years ago

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Sea Witch (Shance MerMay 2019)

another drabble for my series Making Waves and Turning Tides. Series was inspired by @justshance‘s Mermay prompts for 2019, written for @shancemermay and fellow shance and mermaid fans in general.

Tags: Tooth-Rotting Fluff, some plot, conspiracy, pining, fairy tale elements, little mermaid elements, AU

After having to watch that disgusting display of emotions, Lotor sank into the depths of the abyss, welcoming the feeling of darkness as well as the increasing pressure allowing his gills to breathe in and out gently. The wonderful air flowing through and cleaning out the salty air from above surface left him feeling more relaxed but he was still on edge hoping his plan would work.

Lotor continued to swim down, the light from the surface fading away until he was swallowed up by the void, circling around him with only his senses to guide him past other mers who lingered around the abyss, usually nowhere to go with other unsavory creatures who liked to lurk in the deep. Lotor located his cave quickly, quietly slipping into the vast cavern, easily avoiding the fluttering cuttlefish his mother liked to experiment on. He cool called out a greeting towards the witch, sliding against a rock and parking himself there, unfurling his tentacles to stretch as the witch, his mother Honerva, approached.

"Lotor have you spoken with the fish noble's son?" A raspy voice called from behind the seaweed curtain. Lotor hummed, meticulously cleaning a tentacle sucker, making sure no remnants of fish scales were stuck underneath before casually replying, "Yes I have. The silly little brat took the deal and he's now off frolicking on the dry lands with the king. We'll be ruling this pathetic ocean soon Mother. That damned Queen Allura was a fool to reject me as a potential mate and to cast you from her palace with your talents! A true disgrace for a monarch in my opinion." Lotor huffed as his mother oozed from the shadows, pulling back the weeds to expose her curling tentacles floating around her as she glided over to her son.

"Just remember the plan. Once that noble gets a taste of what he wants, you'll draw him back and make him hold up his part of the deal. We need that trident if we want to take over the ocean." She spoke, every word punctuated harshly through the murky water Lotor would twitch every time she spoke.

"And what happens if he refuses or doesn't get a hold of it? Lance is divine looks wise but he's not all that brilliant upstairs." Lotor mocked snickering at the image of the mer earlier, acting all flustered and squeamish when the two humans approached him.

"That I'll leave to you dear son. Consider it a gift for helping me this far. It's taken years to find the right someone to help take down the queen but now I have high hopes that we'll be taking over not one but two kingdoms if all goes well." Honerva spoke heading over to a cavern rock that held some valuable objects to her. It was piled with bones, some mers, some regular fish. She even had a collection of shark teeth in a jar as well las several jars of glowing substances, Lotor would rather not ask what those were about.

Honerva pulled out a dusty broken mirror, so old it was rotted in the handle area, bits of algae and mold growing on the reflective portion which Honerva wiped away, repeating a few mumbled phrases unintelligible until the mirror glowed and soon Lotor was watching Lance in the mirror.

"This way we'll keep an eye on the boy, measure his progress with the humans." Honerva stated watching as Lance was currently having a battle with a few humans over the proper way to wear what the humans called pants. Lotor furrowed his brows watching the spectacle as he leaned back, crossing his arms with impatience.

"How long will this take do you think?" He asked getting annoyed upon seeing the human king enter the room and calmly remediating the situation, hands lingering upon Lance's waist with Lance flushing immediately.

"Not long, humans are easily predictable and are often like the very fish they hunt and eat. Place something shiny and new in front of them, and they'll snatch up the bait pretty easily." Honerva explained smirking upon seeing the matching blushing expressions between Lance and the human king.

"Sometimes too easily." She grinned.

****

Lance wasn't normally materialistic, sure he was a mermaid, he hoarded a fair bit of treasure that many humans have dropped into the ocean, and he liked to keep his scales cleaner and shinier than his family or friends in the shoal, but compared to having a big, fluffy cushion all to himself, not having to share with his sisters, brothers, niece and nephew, he knew he could never go back to his old life.

"It's so big and bouncy! Beds are so cool!" He moaned, spreading his arms and legs over and over on the vast space, the long sleep shirt he was given rising up just a tad bit, exposing more and more of his upper thighs that had Shiro coughing and glancing away out of respect for his guest, and to keep himself in check.

"Yeah they are..also I just want you to know that you are welcome to stay here as long as you like even if you're finished recovering, I'm afraid to admit, but living on the far coast we don't see too many visitors." Shiro explained a small smile appearing on his face as Lance sat up tilting his head just so in that adorable curious way he's done all day.

"Do I get to use the bed still?" Lance asked which had Shiro chuckling. "Yes, you can use the bed as long as you want." Lance sighed happily flopping back over much to Shiro's amusement as Lance flipped over and snuggled into the sheets.

"Thank Goddess, I never want to leave ever again. You are my treasure now." Lance reached up patting a pillow as Shiro held back a giggle about to head out into the hall.

"If you need anything, I'm sure any of the kind people working here can attend to your needs, I'll be up as well as I'm not much of a sleeper, my rooms not too far down the hall. If you can't find someone, just come find me." Shiro stated turning to head out when Lance shot up, shouting "Wait!"

Shiro froze, unsure what was wrong until he suddenly found a sturdy presence pressing into his front side, arms wrapped around his middle and nearly hanging off of him(Lance still hadn't been able to get his legs to work properly like the humans, Shiro was currently in the process of finding the man a wheelchair to use in the meantime), his face pressed into Shiro's shirt, inhaling deeply as he spoke.

"Goodnight Shiro. I'm glad I met you, you were definetly worth it." Lance sighed happily unaware of the blushing flustered mess Shiro had become.

At first he wasn't sure what to say to something like that. It was definetly a little odd for a goodnight even if the man was very obviously appreciative of Shiro's hospitality, although it was expressed in such a strange way it had Shiro wanting to seek out answers to this puzzle.

But first, bed time.

Eventually, Shiro hugged him back, a little less tighter than Lance's but happy to return the affection in some way, whispering goodnight to Lance before gently coaxing him back to bed, maybe spending a bit too much time tucking him in but he reminded himself, or rather, tried to convince, that he was simply being extra cautious since the man was injured. They still haven't been able to get any solid information such as who he was or where he came from, but he was ultimately deemed not a threat and welcomed by the castle staff and guards alike.

All except for Keith that is.

Keith was friendly, in his own strange way. He obviously cared for others who mattered to him and Shiro's second-in-command for a reason.

His people skills..need work on the other hand.

Since Lance has been invited to the castle, Shiro had found the two bickering several times and Lance had only been there for four hours. Keith didn't trust strangers so easily and was incredibly suspicious of Lance, Shiro didn't really blame him either because Lance did some..very weird things. Like tonight's dinner fiasco.

As Shiro slipped away from Lance's bedroom, trying to get Lance's soft sleepy smile out of his head, he almost groaned at the memory of Lance's first dinner experience in the castle and how..not great it turned out. Apparently salad was too confusing of a dish to explain to Lance so he didn't eat it. The main course, some kind of lobster bisque, had insulted Lance, and in the end the only thing he liked was bread that he referred to as a beige sea sponge. Then Keith got involved...

"Shiro I need to talk to you." Shiro flinched, finding himself suddenly face to face with the very angry person he was thinking off.

"Good because I think we need to sign you up for more etiquette lessons." Shiro teased amused as Keith's face bloomed in embarrassment before he turned away huffing, with Shiro following.

"Lance started it, he was acting so weird! All I simply said was, the fork isn't to comb your hair and he yelled at me! He got mad because I wouldn't let him comb his hair with a fork Shiro, a fork, thats weird." Shiro sighed in response, understanding somewhat.

"Keith what you said was and I quote; 'Hey idiot, that's not how a fork works,' and glared at him until he stopped. I don't blame him for getting upset to be honest." Shiro shrugged it off, turning away towards his room when Keith jumped in front of him again.

"Still, how does someone his age not know how to use a fork? He looked like he had never seen one before Shiro! He's been looking at everything like that He got excited sitting in a chair Shiro. A chair. Don't you think that's a little suspicious at all? What if he's planning something?" Keith asked urgently to which Shiro sighed, aware that Keith tended to think towards the negative and conspiratorial side of things.

"Well, it's strange but I'm actually starting to guess the poor guy hit his head so hard he may have amnesia. It explain's why he can't remember how to use the most basic of human tasks. That or something really bad happened to him, we'll just have to find out and by doing that, he'll have to stay here, got it?" Shiro asked gently to which Keith nodded, obviously disgruntled with the idea.

"Fine but I don't like this." He griped trodding behind Shiro heading off towards his own room as Shiro just about closed his door, a few guards posted outside in case of any emergency.

"Okay MOM. Goodnight." Shiro held back a giggle when Keith made a face, waving him off as his version of 'goodnight' before Shiro shut his door getting ready for bed and a small part of him excited and intrigued to get to know his blue eyed guest.

#shance #shance mermay 2019 #lance is in love with beds #partcularly big beds he doesnt have to share #unless he wa ssharing with shiro of course

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shanie-the-toyaddict · 4 years ago

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Shanie's Action Figure Update! 10/12/2021

NEW FIGS! (Lots of them)

Top Row: Keith Lee (Elite 82), Otis (Elite 87) Second Row: John Cena (Legends Series 10) Third Row: Bayley (Survivor Series 2021 Elite), Naomi (Series 78 Chase), Candice LeRae (Elite 87) Fourth Row: Layla (Basic 15) Fifth Row: Chyna & Trish Stratus (Championship Showdown Series 5), Sami Zayn (Basic 69) & Kevin Owens (Basic 78) Bottom Row: Marvel Legends Doctor Strange (No Way Home)

Not Pictured: Vince McMahon (Network Spotlight), Jon Snow (Game of Thrones Eaglemoss), Marvel Legends Quicksilver (Infinity Saga), Shayna Baszler (Fan Takeover),

Good LORD that's a lot of figures.

Update behind cut!

So I apparently overdid it on figures this month. OOPS.

Anyway, this is not going to be short I won't even lie about it this time. But I will try to cover everything.

Top Row:

Keith Lee. Not gonna lie, I know next to nothing about him other than I like his look. And I’m pretty sure this isn’t his look anymore. I dunno, I don’t watch RAW. Anyway, BASK IN HIS GLORY and all that.

OTIS! Hey, remember when he was awesome. Wasn’t that great. I miss this so much. Luckily they made one last figure of him like this. Having this one makes me feel less bad about missing out on the Tucker Elite. (The first Otis Elite had a matching Tucker which I was never able to score.) Loving that lunch box.

Second Row:

John Cena. This is my first Legends line figure and I got him for pennies. Not joking, this figure is rotting like old cabbage everywhere. I bought him on secondary for 3 bucks + shipping. I only wanted him for my Firefly Fun House setup. (He had this look in the FFH Match).

Third Row

Bayley is one that I literally bought for the belt. Not even joking, the SD Women’s belt is almost impossible to come by from Mattel outside of the glow one (more on that shortly). To buy one you literally have to buy the figures it comes with you can’t get it loose on secondary. Oh, sure, RAW titles all damn day. But Smackdown? Not a chance.

That said, I love this figure in hand. It’s gorgeous and I think I will make her my main Bayley figure. She’ll go perfect along side my Blue Sasha figure (who has my other Smackdown women’s belt).

Naomi? SHE GLOWS IN THE DARK! Her entire outfit, hair, coat and belt glows. Remember how I mentioned the glow belt? That’s the one. I now have two of them, one for the regular version and for the Glow In The Dark Chase. I was honestly happy with the regular version but the chase has been rotting on Ringside Collectibles for a year now and is very marked down so why the hell not? Can never have too much Naomi, I can put one on each shelf.

Candice is another beautiful figure but I promise you that vest isn’t staying on. She’ll never fit on my risers with those wings. Luckily she’s very pretty underneath as well. I really like this figure and, for a first time in line figure, pretty dang snazzy.

Fourth Row:

Layla. OMG I have wanted her for ages! She’s the only Layla figure they made (we will NOT discuss the Jakks one) and she’s really hard to come by. Got this one loose for a bargain. I’m stoked. Another woman towards my complete list.

Fifth Row

Chyna and Trish. I’ve shown the Chyna before but not THIS one. I bought the 2 pack at Wally World because it was cheaper than buying the Trish loose and my original Chyna from this set which I bought loose was misprinted. This saves me the trouble of fixing them up at a really good price. That Trish head is going on an elite though.

Sami and Kevin. Of course they’re here. These were just two more fills for my hopefully one day complete set. This was the final Sami figure but there’s a ton more Kev figs. Also, I bought some Elite arms to try and fix up the basics that are lacking the knuckle tats. Sadly, two pairs are junk but I didn’t pay much for them. It is what it is.

Bottom Row:

Doctor Strange. Gotta get at least one Non-WWE figure in here! Saw this at Walmart, picked him up. My ML shelf is severely lacking. I want a full MCU setup, but I doubt that will ever happen, so I at least want to get the major players. This figure fills a gap. I like him. Sadly, I don’t have a stand for him so he can’t go up yet.

Not Shown:

Not shown is the ML Infinity Saga Quicksilver which is still MOC. I really like his look in package, and I may just leave him that way. Again, it isn’t like I have a stand for him anyway. He can stay up top for now.

Jon Snow isn’t pictured but, as I’ve figured out, if I ever want a GoT display, it’s gonna have to be Eaglemoss. They don’t make them anymore though. Plus I’m still deciding if I like him or not. Will keep updated.

Vince McMahon Not shown. It’s Vince. I really only want the head from this figure to try and make an attitude era suited Vince. That’s all.

Finally, quick word about the missing Shayna figure. She offends me. Right out of the box she’s super loose. I can’t even get her arm to stay upright to do her pose which is entirely why I bought her. I ripped her spade-hands and belt off her. They will go to my original Shayna figure.

______________________________________________

Dang that's a lot of figures! I may have gone overboard a bit in the waning hours of my money. I have shame.

Anyway, this concludes another episode of action figure update. Stay tuned for next time which may or may not come after Black Friday's receivings/haul!

#Shanie's Action Figure Update #Action Figure Update #Action Figures #WWE Figures #Marvel Legends

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pineapplekeith · 7 years ago

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House Cat - Pt. 2

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Pairing: Klance

Universe: Modern Earth/Fantasy

Rating: T (language)

Word Count: 3K+

Part: [ 1 ] [ 2 ] [ 3 ]

Summary: Werecats are hard to find outside of lab facilities now-a-days and Lance has had a suspicion that a small stray that comes by his house now and then is one when he noticed a new face around town around the same time. / Modern AU setting with werecats for fun and seriousness now and then. Klance heavy with Garrison Trio and maybe some more ships making an appearance later on.

A/N: So far, this has been well liked on AO3 and FF so I decided to post the full parts on here. Links to AO3 and FF are on my story blog @kal-i-ka-stories

I’m cold. Why is it cold?

Sometime during the night Lance had fallen asleep at his desk.

Why is the idiot still at his desk? I’m cold damn it!

The bed creaked as weight shifted around.

What the hell? Oh shit! It happened again!!

The growing pain in Lance’s neck and back started to pull him out of his sleep. He groaned as he forced his eyes open, unhappy to find that he fell asleep with the lights on. He sat up in his seat and stretched his back. Something in the corner of his eye caught his attention and he looked over. Sitting on his was bed was a boy about his age looking down at his hands and was shockingly stark naked. The familiar sight of the teen that Lance has seen on his route home for the past few weeks instantly made him fall back out of his seat and land on the floor, catching the attention of the mysterious boy.

“I knew it.” Lance mumbled as they stared at each other.

..::::..::::..::::..

What’s taking him so long? It’s almost 4:30.

Keith flipped through a comic magazine that he picked up at the street corner convenient shop he was standing at, using it as a cover. Every now and then he would glance down the street, hoping to see a certain teenage boy that’s been taking care of him for the past month.

Keith was part of the common family of werecats and has finally found a way to use his house cat appearance to his advantage since he broke out of the lab he was born in. Being on his own in the real world with no identification, no paperwork, and a basic education, life has been hard for the teen. Luckily, he was able found a job that would pay him under the table, feed him now and then, and let him stay in the building’s upstairs apartment, but it really wasn’t much – especially with winter coming. Keith hated the cold weather, his breed wasn’t one built for it. Even when taping plastic on his apartment’s windows and sleeping as a cat under his clothes and blanket, it still wasn’t warm enough.

That was when he remembered the time he was so desperate for food that he would change into a cat to run around the town to find food. That one house was warm and the boy, Lance he later found out, was always nice to him when he caught Keith spying nearby. Lance soon started to leave food out for him in the alley by his room. Then he would welcome Keith into his room and even let him sleep when he felt it was too cold.

And now here he is. Standing at a convenient shop, waiting for Lance to walk by so he can follow him to his house and get fed and be warm. He occasionally thought that what he was doing was weird, but it was better than risk sitting at Lance’s window all day and be spotted by the mangy street cats that thought they owned the alley.

Keith could hear people speaking down the usually quiet street and glanced over. At the end of the street were two familiar figures he would see walking with Lance talking to someone in an alley way.

Is he hiding?

Keith continued to look down at the comic in his hands, looking over at Lance’s friends whenever he would hear someone yell.

“Nugget! Please! Let me finish!” A familiar voice yelled out from the group. Lance was there and hiding in the alley for some reason. Or maybe he was standing behind there just to stand there? Over the course of time Keith learned that Lance was a weird one and just reached the point of brushing off everything he did.

Keith put the comic magazine back where he found it.

“You’re not going to buy it?” The shop keeper asked Keith, a hint of irritation in his voice from not making a sale.

“I thought it was a new addition, but I was wrong.” Keith explained. “How much for a soda?”

“$1.50.”

“Ok, I’ll take one.” Keith said as he dug two dollars out of his pocket.

The clerk took his money and handed him his drink and Keith went on his way while Lance and his friends were still distracted.

Keith walked through the maze of alley ways to Lance’s house, his stomach cramping and growling more and more on his way.

That old man needs to learn to feed people better. Who thinks a plate of fries is a meal?!

When he finally reached the alley to Lance’s window, Keith peeked into his bedroom to see if his food source was home or not. The room was dark and empty, with no sign of Lance’s bookbag in the room. He then quickly went to work with preparing for the night as he set his small duffle bag on the ground near some discarded boxes. He unzipped the bag and took off his red jacket and his shoes before stuffing them in the bag. He then sat down and started to focus on changing his form.

Transforming was never easy for Keith to handle. When he was stressed he could do it easily so he could get away from the situation, but at times like now when he wanted to shift just to shift, it always took him longer and a lot of concentration. This was a common thing for the house cat breed. But for Keith it was different. Every newborn of werecat would learn about their abilities from their parents, but in the labs, you are raised by scientist that poke and prod at you instead. Everything Keith knows about his abilities is what he learned from what the scientist and the other kids told him.

When Keith broke out of his stern concentration and opened his eyes, he found that his transformation worked and jumped out of his clothes. Cleaning up now was hard but doable in his cat form. He pulled over his clothes one by one to his bag and once it was all tucked in, he bit at the zipper and closed the bag and hid it away from any of the wondering alley cat inside a box. He jumped up on the boxes and trashcans to reach the window and peeked into the room. Still empty. He sat back on the trashcan and waited.

What the hell? Hurry up you idiot, I’m hungry!

The scent in the air began to change. Keith looked behind him and saw a group of familiar felines heading towards the alley.

Damn it! Not these animals!

Keith started to pace around the trashcan he was standing on, trying to find a place to hide. Then a light turned on near him, signaling him toward safety. Lance was finally in his room but the window wasn’t opened yet.

“Come on idiot! Open the damn window before I get beaten up again!” Keith called out, but it only came out in distressed meows because of his new form.

Keith looked behind him and saw that the group were coming closer to him, a few of them growling at him now. He growled back, trying to stand his ground as much as he could. Keith could fight, but not as well or as nasty as purebred tomcats. Another thing the lab kept him from knowing.

Keith then heard Lance’s window slide open and he instantly ran to jump through it. Jumping through the window was like entering a new world. One that was safe and most importantly to Keith, it was warm. Lance closed the window right away to keep the cold out. Once his paws hit the floor, Keith instantly sat down and started to groom himself to the smell of the tomcats off him.

“Sorry bud, it took me a bit longer to get back home today. I hope you weren’t waiting long.”

Keith paused from grooming himself and looked back at Lance. Not at all. It’s not like I almost got my ass kicked again or anything.

“I bet you’re hungry.” Lance continued as he went over to sit by his bookbag.

Keith finished his grooming as Lance pull out a pet store bag and then dig through that, completely ignoring his ramblings about his day. He then stretched out his front legs and yawned – being hungry always made him angry and tired. He looked at the small potted wheat grass that Lance pulled out his bag and walked up to it.

He understands cats are carnivores, right? I know he’s stupid, but is he really that stupid? Keith thought to himself as he sniffed at the wheat grass, instantly disagreeing with Lance’s suggestion of eating it.

Lance laughed at Keith’s response to the grass. “Yeah, I figured you wouldn’t like it at first. You’re really picky with what you eat. Let me go drain this and I’ll feed you.”

Once alone, Keith looked around the room and soon zeroed in on Lance’s desk when he heard low toned meowing outside the window. He jumped on top of the desk and walked to the edge and leaned over to look out the window. Outside in the alley Keith could see the small group of dirty alley cats sniffing around the area and jumping up on some of the boxes and trashcans that he climbed on earlier. One stray began to sniff at his bag that was hidden away.

Get away from that! I don’t need fleas again! Keith growled as he stared down at the stray.

“Are you already wanting out?” Lance called out, making Keith pull away from the window and hurry over to Lance’s bed so he could eat. “Ok, sorry I asked. Here’s your food.” Lance said as he placed the small can of tuna on the bed before sitting down next to it.

Keith sniffed at the can of tuna before eating. Even though he really wasn’t a big fan of tuna, he figured it was better than starving or eating grass.

“You know, I had a suspicion that you were a werecat for the past couple of weeks now.” Lance spoke out.

What?! Keith froze for a moment, taking in the possibility that he was found out even though he tried his hardest to cover his tracks.

“But then I talked about it with my friends and can see how that would be a crazy thing to think.” Lance finished out, quickly calming Keith’s worries.

Keith went back to eating his food, letting Lance ramble on. Lance usually talked a lot whenever Keith would visit and he eventually just learned to tune him out and let him talk. Lance eventually reached out and started to scratch his head, another thing Keith would let him do even though he thought it was a bit degrading. But then Lance’s hand moved to his ears, that was the line. Keith let out a low growl from his throat, warning Lance to stop. He never liked having his ears touch, especially his cat ears. The feeling was foreign to him and he just didn’t like it.

“Sorry, forgot that you don’t like your ears touched,” Lance said as he backed off and took his hand off Keith all together, letting him finish his food in peace.

Now with a full stomach, Keith’s previous tired feeling took over and all he wanted now was to be warm so he could sleep. The blankets are too cold. He thought to himself as he looked the bed over, unable to find a place to sleep. He would usually crawl under Lance’s blankets and fall asleep, but today was one of the rare days that Lance made his bed that morning and getting under the covers would be harder to do. He then looked over at Lance. I already let him pet me so might as well. Keith then climbed on Lance’s lap and began to knead at one of his legs before curling up. All he could really remember before falling asleep was Lance scratching his back and rambling on about him being his family’s house cat.

Like that would ever happen.

..::::..::::..::::..

“I was right,” Lance said as he stared at Keith. “I was right,” Lance repeated with a slight chuckle in his voice. “I was right.” Lance then started to laugh more with his realization. Keith just looked at him in complete confusion.

Did he snap or something?

Lance’s laughing grew louder and louder as he continued to ramble on. “I was right. I was totally right. You’re a werecat. I knew it! I was freaking right! Wait till I tell the guys! They’re going to be so surprise that I was right about this.”

Shit!

Keith quickly jumped from the bed and tackled Lance to cover his mouth before he got any louder. “Shut up before you wake someone!” He snapped in a hushed tone as he pinned Lance to the floor. The two stared at each other for a bit. Lance then broke their eye contact to look down between them and his face started to turn a slight red. Keith looked down at Lance confused and then looked down himself and quickly jumped off and backed into the bed, grabbing the blanket off it and dragging it down to cover himself. “Don’t you dare say a word to anyone about this!”

“But I was right! Oh! By the way, the name’s Lance.” Lance said with his thousand watts smile as he pushed himself up to sit on the floor.

“I know. I’ve heard your mother scream it about a hundred times.” Keith said, unamused and a bit confused with the introduction. “How were you even able to suspect I was a werecat to begin with?”

Lance’s smile fell as he raised an eyebrow. “Really? You left my window open one morning.”

“I thought you would be too stupid to even notice you didn’t leave it open.” Keith was bit surprised that Lance caught onto such a tiny detail. But then again, that was a morning when he first turned human in his sleep and needed out right away before Lance woke up.

Lance frowned. “Did you know that you’re a lot nicer as a cat?”

“I wasn’t being nice. I was trying to stay warm and fed.” Survival was always number one of Keith’s mind. “You seem a lot calmer than other people would be in this situation.”

“Well, I do have a ton of siblings,” Lance said with a shrug. “Had to share a room and a bath a few times.” He then started to get up. “Anyway, what’s your name? Unless you just want me to keep calling you bud.”

“None of your business!” Keith snapped. “Just forget this ever happened! I was never here.”

“But you are here. Sitting in my room. Naked.” Lance smiled.

“Just shut up,” Keith snapped again, growing more frustrated with the situation.

“You want to borrow some pants? Or at least some underwear?”

“There’s a bag in the alley.” Keith said without really thinking.

“What,” Lance asked confused and seriously wondering what he meant.

Shit! Keith always had a bad habit of just blurting out the truth when he was frustrated. “My clothes are in a bag in the alley.” Keith was already feeling low, might as well come clean on the charade and feel even lower.

“You have clothes in the alley?” Lance asked, making sure what he heard was correct.

“Yes! Alright?! Can you just get them and quit asking questions?”

“Hold up!” Lance commanded as he held a finger up at Keith. “I think I deserve to understand what all is going on here. So, from what I can tell, you’ve been coming here to mooch off me and my kindness, and then just get dressed outside and up and leave like I’m some embarrassing one-night-stand?”

“Can I just have my clothes so I can leave?” Keith asked, his frustration boiling over to exhaustion.

“No, you cannot! Because Lance McClain is not some pushover that you can up and leave on!”

Out of all the people in this town, why did I stick to someone like him? Keith rubbed at the growing headache forming at the front of his head. “It’s amazing how you didn’t think like that when I was a cat, but now that I’m human, you think I’m committing a crime,” Keith said in a calm tone. With Lance still raising his voice now and then, Keith thought he might as well try to stay calm so that no one in the house would wake up and find them. “Now, can you please get my clothes for me before you wake someone up and the situation gets worse?”

Lance looked down at Keith from where he stood, still fuming over the fact that he was being used this whole time. But he soon realized that Keith had a point about making the situation worse and decided to let it go and calm down. “On one condition.” If Lance was going to be used again, he was at least going to get something out of it. “Tell me your name.”

“Excuse me?”

“Tell me your name and I’ll get your bag out of the alley.”

“Really? No money for you to stay quiet? No questions about what I am?” The request was a bit confusing and even though it was really a bad one, it still made Keith uncomfortable.

“If you’re coming here for food and shelter, I doubt you have enough money to pay for my silence and we already learn a lot about werecats in school so I don’t really have questions.”

“So, just my name?”

“Tell me your name and I’ll get your bag,” Lance reaffirmed.

“Keith.”

“Keith what,” Lance asked, hoping to get more out of his guest.

“Just Keith,” Keith replied, refusing to give him anymore.

Lance slouched his shoulders and pouted for a bit. “Fine. I’ll get your bag.” He then gave up, accepting his answer and keeping his promise.

Lance walked over to his window and pushed it open, the cold night air smacking him the face. He looked out into the alley and saw a few alley cats sleeping in the boxes that were discarded with the trash. He climbed out of his room through the window, stepping down on a conveniently placed milk crate that was under his window. He walked through the alley and looked around the junk that gathered between his and his neighbor’s home. Lance soon found a small black duffle bag that was tucked away inside a box that had a stray sleeping on top of it. He grabbed the bag and gently pulled it out from under the cat, causing it to wake up some but it was too tired to care about what Lance was doing.

Now with the bag, Lance made his way back to his window and stepped up on the milk crate. “Here you go,” he said as he threw the bag in his room.

“It stinks.” Keith called out from the room.

“Well, you had it hidden with trash and a cat was sleeping on it so what do you think it’ll smell like? Roses?” Lance said as he climbed back in his room, eventually rolling in head first. Lance rubbed his sore head as he sat up, quickly noticing that the bag was still where he threw it. He looked over at his bed and saw that Keith was still sitting there, now wrapped up in the blanket he pulled off the bed, just the top of his head and his eyes being visible. “Aren’t you going to get dressed?”

“Close the window first!” Keith snapped from under the blanket. Lance looked at him confused but soon complied and got up from the floor and closed the window, blocking out the cold. Keith lowered the covers from his face and looked at Lance. “Leave so I can get dressed.”

“Why? I’ve already seen all of you.” Lance said with a smirk, feeling a little proud about what he said.

“Just leave!” Keith snapped. If he was going to leave, he was going to leave with what little dignity he had left.

“Ok fine I’ll go,” Lance said in defense as he started for the door. “Just let me know when you’re done.” He then walked out of his room, closing the door as quietly as he could so he wouldn’t wake anyone up. Right then, all that had just happened hit Lance at once and made him slide to the floor.

He’s a werecat! He’s been following me home and intentionally coming over here! He was naked on my bed! He tackled me naked! I told him so much when he was a cat! I called him cute! I slept with him!

So many realizations were running through Lance’s head that they all started to make him feel dizzy. How will he be able to handle himself if he saw Keith on the street now? Will Keith continue to come over to be fed? Is his life so tough that he might starve now if he stops coming over? Did he have a place to sleep tonight? What if Lance’s room has been his only safe place to sleep for the past few months? With the questions running through Lance’s head, he decided that he couldn’t just let Keith leave without knowing what will happen to him if he did. He had a sleeping bag in his closet that Keith could use that night. And he could just play it off to his parents that he was a friend that spent the night so he can eat breakfast with them in the morning. His parents were understanding people and Hunk would sometimes come over unannounced and stay the night.

Lance got up off the floor and took a deep breath before lightly knocked on his bedroom door. “Hey, are you done?” The room was silent. “I know you’re probably still upset about everything, but if you want you can still stay the night.” The room was still silent. “Hey, did you hear me?” Lance started to open the door, “I said you could stay the night if you wanted to.”

The room was empty and the window was left wide open.

#house cat fic #klance fic #klance #keith kogane #lance mcclain #voltron legendary defender #voltron #vld #my story #mine

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lordofthebigtimesupernatural · 8 years ago

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I See Stars in Your Eyes (Must be Painful)

This is for the amazing @ackerchou who has graced us with Season 2 Voltron Actor!AU headcannons and I LOVED THEM ALL. I’m writing dancing Lance and kiddie Coran and Allura next. Watch me. Pls check them out because I wanna write a fic for all of them. And because she is awesome and made me feel better on a day I felt bad. There’s aren’t many spoilers for season 2 in this fic but just in case it is tagged. I hope you enjoy it!

x.V.x

Keith was slightly ashamed to admit that he hadn’t watched the original Voltron before trying out for a part in the new series. In fact, he sort of, kinda, had never even heard of Voltron before until his first day on set as a Galra stunt double. That is until there was a surprise visit from the original cast from the 80’s Voltron series.

Keith was only slightly mortified that he was the only one who didn’t know who they were.

Especially since he had thought that Akira was an older stunt double and he had nearly flipped Akira on his shoulder when the man surprised him.

Even after all this, Lance still wouldn’t stop laughing.

And of course he had a video of Keith nearly flipping over the original leader of Voltron who was at least twice Keith’s age (but damn did he still look good) and very well known in the world of Voltron. The video even had Keith apologizing over and over to an amused Akira, while everyone stood around staring.

Keith would remember this next time Lance wanted something.

Currently he was hanging back in the background while the old cast of Voltron took a tour of the new set to see how far Voltron had come. There was awe and admiration thrown left and right from both the cast of the 80s and the cast of the 2010s. It was a strange sight to see the different cast members who played the paladins together, each very different in their own way and yet so perfect for each character they played.

Shiro was actually probably the most star struck at the moment, which was ironic considering he was a legend on set and a God, whose beauty had yet to be destroyed by ugly pictures from the paparazzi. In fact, it was said that no such picture of Takashi Shirogane ever existed; no one had ever been able to capture even the slightest hint of ugliness when capturing a photograph of him, and tabloid magazines were left in tears of their failure. However, to see Shiro in such awe and amazement, stumbling over his words was something of amusement to everyone else.

At first Keith was shocked, more so at Shiro’s bright eyes and awe, and was amazed at seeing the older and usually more calm actor nervous and bumbling around like he had on many occasions. Was Shiro human, just like he was? Was there a fluke in his perfection?

“It’s really such an honor to meet you all.” Shiro was currently shaking hands with Sven for about ten minutes now, and while Keith thought that was strange, Sven seemed to be taking Shiro’s eagerness with such grace and stride. He didn’t even mind the fact that Shiro had been shaking his hand for so long and only smiled down at the new Black Paladin. “I was such a fan of the original Voltron and I watched every single episode probably a hundred times, I’m sure it was more but that’s probably weird to say? Oh, I guess you know now because I’ve said it out loud now. It’s such an honor to meet you all. Wait, I’ve already said that, haven’t I?”

Sven and the others laughed, while Keith’s eyes widened when he noticed the blush on Shiro’s face. Could he actually be nervous right now? Keith could feel his own heart racing and his body was vibrating with nerves and excitement at having the original paladins so close to him.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too. All of you.” Sven smiled, causing Shiro to begin to slow down in shaking hands with Sven. “We heard that Voltron was making a comeback and after the success of the first season, we just had to come meet the geniuses who made it all happen.” Just when Sven and everyone thought that his hand would be free of shaking from Shiro, Shiro had started right back up and shook Sven’s hand with even more determination than before.

“Really? You guys watched the first season?” Lance asked curiously, from where he had been joking with the Blue Paladins and taking selfies that were sure to go on Instagram and blow up the fandom.

“Of course. How could we not?” Akira laughed, from where he was leaning against a ship prop and Keith couldn’t help but wish he could look that cool. “Though, I hadn’t quite expected for Sven’s character to replace me as leader.” Akira teased while Sven rolled his eyes.

“You’re just jealous because the new producers finally realized that I was always meant to be the Black Paladin after the monstrosity that was you.” Sven bit back playfully. “Besides, do you see who is playing my character? He’s a godsend for this show.” Shiro had momentarily forgotten how to use any of his limbs and he ability to speak had suddenly all but vanished from his mind. Finally, he had let Sven’s hand go and Sven was quick to let go before shoving Akira forward, where Shiro was eager to shake his hand, despite already having shook Akira’s hand three times already.

Luckily Akira only beamed at the actor.

“Well, I must say that the new Black Paladin is quite the charmer and an extraordinary actor choice.” Akira praised with a waggle of his eyebrows. Shiro continued to shake hands but no one missed the big fat tears that rolled down his cheeks as he whispered, “I love you so much. I loved your show so much.”

“All of the actors and actresses chosen for the show were excellent choices.” The princess’ original actress said with a smile. “Allura here is very well known and the only actress who is beautiful, badass and sweet enough to play the princess. When I heard they were making a remake, I was rooting for you to be picked after that last movie you were in. You were stunning!” Allura beamed brightly at the praise and everyone laughed.

“And Lance here, is the only person who could make the Blue Paladin’s character so hilarious, but still making his character more than a 2D comedic relief. Like bro, that episode in season 2 was spot on to his character.” The Blue Paladin’s original character laughed while slapping Lance on the back. Lance stuck his tongue out before snapping another snapchat of the other actor.

“Of course, and to see Pidge’s character as revealed to not have been a guy was honestly genius.” The Green Paladin’s original actor laughed. “Though they’re still a gremlin.”

“How could we not have a Gremlin?” Pidge clutched at their chest dramatically.

“Pidge certainly never gets out to see the sun or hydrates enough.” Lance shrugged his shoulder, only to yelp when Pidge had hit him on the head with a prop. He pouted and rubbed his head. “Hey now, I’m supposed to be the sharp shooter here!”

“You’re pretty badass too man.” The Yellow Paladin’s character fist bumped Hunk. Hunk nodded.

Shiro was still crying.

“Thanks.”

“And you make funny jokes.” The two fist bumped again.

“Thanks.”

“Also, that food looks delicious.”

“It is.” Hunk nodded and the two bumped fists again with another nod. Shiro was still shaking Akira’s hands.

“Plus, that show with you and Lance fucking broke my heart.”

“It’s what I do best.” Hunk nodded.

“And then there’s you.” Akira smiled, still shaking Shiro’s hands who was still blubbering quietly about how blessed he was for having seen the original Voltron, and how he couldn’t believe that he was meeting his heroes in person right now, and was this real life?

Suddenly though, all eyes including Akira’s had turned to Keith, who had been silently blending into the corner wall. Unsure of the attention, Keith further tried to back himself into the corner as if that would make him invisible to his friends and the old cast of Voltron. However to his dismay, he could not summon the powers of the dark lords and force his entire being to be shielded from sight. Darn.

Keith swallowed thickly. He was a nobody. Would they be disappointed in him? Would they have wished that someone else had been casted for the Red Paladin? What if he wasn’t good enough to play the Red Paladin? What if he should have quit?

“I’ve never heard of you before. Have you been in any movies or tv shows?” Akira asked quietly. Keith couldn’t tell if the look on Akira’s face was positive or negative, and it made him even more nervous than before. He could feel his throat beginning to twitch, as if he had an itch that couldn’t be scratched.

“Ah, um, no.”

“None? Have you ever acted before?” Keith could read an emotion of surprise on Akira’s face but everything else was blank and everyone else was still staring at Keith. Staring with what felt like a hundred eyes that could see the disappointment within him.

“W-Well yes. B-But mostly in commercials, I-I guess?” Keith rubbed the back of his neck nervously, cursing the fact that his stutter had decided to make a comeback in front of the Voltron Legends. Of course. He had thought that he’d had his stutter under control, but apparently not. Keith felt his stomach lurch.

“Really? I suppose that’s why your name and face had been unfamiliar when announced.” Akira nodded, rubbing his chin with the only free hand that was available. Keith swallowed thickly, wishing that he could just melt into the floor right at this moment. It felt as if Akira was analyzing him under a microscope, and was only finding disappointment in his replacement. Keith was ashamed to think that he could never live up to Akira or the standards set by him.

“No. Keith’s not you.” Shiro finally spoke up, eyes dry and bright. He had finally let go of Akira’s hand with Akira realizing and was moving towards Keith. Keith felt his heart beginning to drop at Shiro’s words, but it wasn’t like he could just ignore the truth. Keith wasn’t like everyone else there. “He’s new and fresh into the acting world.” Shiro continued before stopping beside Keith whose gaze had dropped to the floor and his entire body was screaming anxiety.

“No.” Shiro smiled softly before clapping a hand on Keith’s shoulder. “Keith is much better.” Keith’s neck snapped up so fast that he could hear a popping sound that probably wasn’t healthy, but he couldn’t care at all. Instead he was staring at Shiro in awe, who winked back at him, before staring nervously at Akira. He was pleasantly surprised to see Akira was simply laughing in amusement at Shiro’s words, rather than being angry.

“I think I liked you better when you were ogling us.” Akira teased and while Shiro blushed, he didn’t move away from Keith.

“I’m serious. Keith might be new to the acting world, but he’s amazing. You could even say he was out of this world.” Shiro winked while everyone else groaned. “Right from his first audition, Keith blew us away.”

“Seriously.” Lance added with a grin. “Like this kid – this fucking kid with purple contacts reads lines with me, like he’s already been casted as the Red Paladin – I swear he knew the lines already…” Lance’s eyes narrowed on Keith, causing Keith’s face to flush. “And he was born for this part, and then on top of it he’s this black belt Karate guy who can kick your ass –”

“Lance, it’s not Karate.”

“And he does his own stunts. All of them.” Lance continued without even looking Keith’s way. “Like this badass mofo, went and broke his own ankle and when the doctor tells him to take off for rest, does he? Noooooo. He continues to work, with a broken ankle and he gets me coffee like everyday. And he laughs at my jokes.” Akira and the others blinked at Lance still smiling before Pidge spoke up.

“His jokes are shitty. Keith is perfect enough to laugh at them when we all tell him to stop.” Pidge sighed sadly while Keith couldn’t help but snicker.

“Sometimes he teaches the stunt crew how to do a fight move correctly.” Hunk added softly.

“And he always apologizes!” Lance teased. “Even when people say they are okay, he still apologizes.” Lance snickered while Keith rolled his eyes with a fake sigh. Akira and Sven laughed.

“The point is. Keith’s a pretty great guy and we’re lucky to have him.” Shiro said gently, causing Keith’s own face to heat up. “I’m glad some super award winning, snot-nose actor didn’t fill the role of the Red Paladin because we couldn’t imagine anyone else in the role.”

Akira raised his hands, still smiling. “Hey now, I was just going to say that even though I’ve never heard of Keith, he was amazing as the Red Paladin and I think his career is only just starting. You’ve got some real talent here and I’m proud to see you as my predecessor.” Akira beamed, as he placed a hand down on Keith’s shoulder too. Keith’s mouth suddenly went dry and his eyes were bright as they stared at Akira. He couldn’t help but repeat Shiro’s early question of: was this real life?

“Welcome aboard to Voltron. I’m happy to see you here.” Akira and the rest of the original cast of Voltron greeted Keith with nothing but bright smiles and happy claps on the back. And Keith was in too much of a warm daze to do much of anything. That is until Lance spoke up.

“Hey, who wants to see a video of SasuKeith singing along to his favorite K-Pop band?”

“Lance if you show that to anyone I will shove a Quiznak down your throat!”

#Voltron actor AU #actor!AU #voltron season 2 #vld spoilers #ackerchou #this was so much fun to write #I am ashamed that I had to rewatch the old one #in order to write this bc I have never seen it #but Akira is a beautiful man #not as beautiful as Keith #or shiro #or Lance #or Hunk #or Pidge #or Allura #but still

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jawblade-a-blog · 8 years ago

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REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck ! TAGGED. by myself TAGGING. all y’all lovely people GIMME YOUR IN DEPTH CHARACTER HEADCANONS

BASICS.

FULL NAME : Takashi Shirogane ( 白銀隆 ) NICKNAME : Shiro AGE : 25 BIRTHDAY : October 21st ETHNIC GROUP : Japanese NATIONALITY : Japanese-American LANGUAGE / S : English, Japanese, bits of Altean and Galran SEXUAL ORIENTATION : asexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : aromantic RELATIONSHIP STATUS : single HOME TOWN / AREA : Yokohama, Kanagawa Prefecture, Honshu, Japan CURRENT HOME : Castle of Lions PROFESSION : Black Paladin, leader of Team Voltron

PHYSICAL.

HAIR: deep black and cut short, the sides and back of his head shaved into an undercut. one long patch is left at the front, a forelock that hangs down over his forehead, reaching down just shy of his eyes. while this forelock used to be the same black as the rest of his hair, it’s now white, the colour lost under the severe stress he faced in Galra captivity. EYES : a dark grey in colour, sometimes looking from a distance to be a deep brown or black. long eyelashes. FACE : strong, sharp jawline, high cheekbones, long and straight nose, thick eyebrows. LIPS : average, perhaps leaning on the thin side – often quite dry or cracked. COMPLEXION : pale, but in a sickly, unnaturally caused kind of way, caused by complete lack of sunlight and possibly other events from his time in captivity. eyes often have dark circles beneath them. BLEMISHES : none SCARS : most notably, the lateral scar running across his nose, gained in a gladiator battle. the rest of his body is littered with scars, of all different varieties. large, jagged gashes, thin but deep lines, claw marks, sword slices, burns – just about anything you can think of. the placings are all very random, all clearly gained from battle, some overlapping. none of it is a pretty nor attractive sight, one of the many reasons he always has so much of his body covered. as well, there is a great deal of scarring on the bicep of his right arm, where skin meets the metal of his prosthetic. TATTOOS : none HEIGHT : 6′2″ WEIGHT : 182 lbs. BUILD : muscular and fit. chest and arms particularly toned, though his legs aren’t lacking in muscle mass. FEATURES : Galran cybernetic prosthetic arm. ALLERGIES : none, as far as he’s aware. USUAL HAIR STYLE : kind of just how he wakes up. the only hair he really has that can be styled is his forelock, which is generally left alone. USUAL FACE LOOK : clean-shaven. USUAL CLOTHING : not a lot of clothing variety in the middle of space. outside of his armour and his usual outfit though, he’d stick to long sleeves. lots of sweaters or shirts with long sleeves. his style always used to be very casual and comfortable.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : loss of those he cares for. isolation. captivity. the possibility that he might not be a good person, that he’s every bit a monster that the Galra are with everything he’s done and is capable of doing. loss of control. panic attacks. flashbacks. ASPIRATION / S : defeat Zarkon and free those who have been under his control or enslaved by him. keep the other paladins as innocent as he can/they should be at their ages. keep the other paladins alive and get them all home safely. find and save matt and commander holt. work with keith to develop and show him his capabilities. POSITIVE TRAITS : loyal | supportive | patient | reliable | practical | observant | compassionate NEGATIVE TRAITS : represses feelings | paranoid | pessimistic | solemn | on occasion can let emotion direct him to reckless action | self-sacrificing MBTI : DEFENDER ( ISFJ-A ) ZODIAC : libra TEMPEREMENT : melancholic SOUL TYPE / S : leader, helper, caregiver ANIMALS : sable VICE HABIT / S : jaw clenching, finger tapping, biting the inside of his lip/cheek FAITH : none GHOSTS ? : doesn’t believe AFTERLIFE ? : doesn’t believe REINCARNATION ? : doesn’t believe ALIENS ? : i mean. he wishes they weren’t real sometimes. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : vol…tron?? whatever being against zarkon is. EDUCATION LEVEL : high. graduated the Galaxy Garrison at the top of his class.

FAMILY.

FATHER : doesn’t really remember or know much about him MOTHER : deceased. SIBLINGS : Keith Kogane, adopted brother EXTENDED FAMILY : n/a. NAME MEANING / S : 隆 ( takashi ), meaning “noble, prosperous”; 白銀 ( shirogane ), meaning “silver” HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : n/a.

FAVORITES.

BOOK : a brief history of time by stephen hawking MOVIE : n/a – he needs to pick a new one because all his old favourites are sci-fi and those are a lot less fun after you’ve lived it. 5 SONGS : n/a ( forgive me, i’ve not settled on his favourite music yet ) DEITY : n/a HOLIDAY : new years MONTH : september SEASON : autumn PLACE : his home – the one where he grew up and lived with his mom after moving from japan when he was very young. the home where he watched Keith grow up. WEATHER : cool, but not cold. sunny, but with clouds in the sky and the chance of rain. SOUND : wind blowing past leaves in the trees SCENT / S : rain, freshly dried laundry, mom’s tonkatsu TASTE / S : subtle flavours, most things fruity FEEL / S : anything that isn’t metal. soft, anything that screams ‘comfort’ ANIMAL / S : wolves NUMBER : 11 – his favourite time is 11:11 COLORS : he’s been rethinking these, since a lot of his favourites now remind him of not so pleasant things these days.

EXTRA.

TALENTS : leadership, knowing the right thing to say in most circumstances, combat – particularly hand to hand, picking up on and memorizing patterns, improvising, observation – particularly of people and their behaviours, ticks, etc. BAD AT : handling his own emotions, seeing his own value TURN ONS : n/a TURN OFFS : n/a HOBBIES : exercising, sparring, reading, distracting himself from his thoughts and anxieties, avoiding sleep, spending time with those he cares about, cuddling TROPES : Broken Ace, Awesome by Analysis, Team Dad, I Am a Monster, 100% Adoration Rating, Not So Above it All QUOTES : “ If you get too worried about what could go wrong, you might miss a chance to do something great. ” “ Patience yields focus. ”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : if you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : uhhh i mean, since he’s a very main character, i get quite a bit of what i want from canon ngl. buuuut i’d love some full backstory of his life prior to kerberos, plus everything that happened while the galra had him prisoner. Q2 : what would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : oh god, idk. music with deep, heavy lyrics, but ultimately with optimistic messages? Q3 : why did you start writing this character ? A3 : okay so i’m a big red vs. blue fan, and i was seeing all kinds of people talking on tumblr about how shiro is so much like wash, who happens to be my favourite character and my biggest, oldest muse. finally caved and watch voltron, and… shiro ticks like, all of my boxes for a favourite character + character i can relate to on some levels. he’s complex, he’s broken, he struggles a lot internally but holds it together and helps others, he’s team dad, he’s self-sacrificing… i could go on, i really could. Q4 : what first attracted you to this character ? A4 : oh. uhm. see the answer above. i heard he was v much like wash except more chill and much less jaded, and also who could escape hearing him referred to as ‘space dad’. i’m weak for space/team dads. Q5 : describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : holy shit nothing. i love him and his strengths and his flaws. Q6 : what do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : mm… we both believe more in others than ourselves, both v supportive of those we care about… there may be more??? but those stick out to me the most. Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : “Please stop playing on my fears” basically Q8 : what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8 : everyone??? i love getting to explore the older brother/dad dynamic he has with the rest of the paladins, and how it differs between the four. also love the dynamic between enemies, particularly those who put him on edge, or worse. Q9 : what gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : honestly i tend to wake up with inspiration bc he’s become my strongest muse, right up there with wash, buuuuut rewatching canon, having intense discussions about canon or AUs, and doing character analysis all give me an extra boost of inspiration, for sure. Q10 : how long did this take you to complete ? A10 : like half the fucking day, holy shit. granted, my focus is shit and it’s not the only thing i’ve been doing. multitasking.

#ᶤ ᵗʰᶤᶰᵏ ᶤ ˡᵒˢᵗ ᵐʸ ʰᵃˡᵒ ( about. )#ʷᵃᶰᵗᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ᵃ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ᵇʳᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ ˢᵒᶰ ( headcanon. )

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voltronfandomhag · 7 years ago

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DoTU Fandom Ramblings

This is a pretty big divergence for my usual topics, but like an old coot, I’m overcome by the need to ramble on about How Things Used To Be. I’ve seen statements like “Remember when fandom used to be fun?” and “Remember when people used to ship and let ship?” Well, I can tell you from my experiences in the Voltron: DoTU fandom that’s not really not true, at least not completely. Fandom has always kinda been butts.

I first discovered the magical world of fandom when I was about 17 years-old. I’d seen DoTU on Cartoon Network in the 90s and when I accessed the Internet one of the first things I wanted to do was connect with other Voltron fans. Back then Kallura was easily the most popular ship; it pretty much dominated the DoTU fandom. Lotura was a pretty distant second. There were some Sven/Romelle fics but most of the time the pairing played second fiddle in Kallura stories. While Klance was the most popular mlm ship, the slash writers, unlike a lot of the het writers, where multishippers so there was more variety on that side of the fandom. Femslash was almost non-existent. Like, I recall seeing two Merla/Allura fics in my entire time in fandom and that was pretty much it.

On the surface, things looked fine and dandy with almost no outward wank (this was before The Discourse became known as such). Little did I know that was only because the individual shipping communities had effectively isolated themselves from each other. Back then you didn’t have sites like Tumblr where everyone in the fandom hung out together regardless of character and shipping preferences. These were the days of character shrines, fan run fic archives which were often pairing specific, and character and ship specific mailing lists. There was the KAEX (Keith and Allura Express) mailing list and archives for the Kallura shippers. The PLUCK, or Prince Lotor and Captain Keith, mailing list which, despite its name, was dominated by Lotor fans. The Beyond Denubian and Lotor’s Harem mailing list and website for Lotor fans and Lotura shippers. The Vying mailing list and Livejournal community for slash writers. Everyone was just kinda playing in their own sandbox, ignoring everyone else.

But when a website or fandom event came along that brought all these groups together OH MAMA things could get reeeallly ugly reeaally fast. One of the best examples that sticks out in my mind would be the periodic fighting between Kallura and Lotura shippers on fanfiction.net. Kallura and Lotura were considered rival pairings and, as a result, tensions would build up and explode between the two groups. The Kallura people would write anit-Lotor troll fics. Lotura writers would respond with Keith bashing troll fics of their own. The combatants would then go to their mailing lists and personal Livejournals to rally more troops for the “war”. This was a big part of the reason I stopped frequenting the DoTU section of ff.net entirely.

And then the Voltron Fandom Awards happened in 2006. Oh did they happen and I was apart of it. They started out innocent enough. The awards were meant to allow people to show their love and appreciation for fandom creators by nominating and voting for them to receive various awards. The three main categories were fanfic, fan art, and websites, which had awards for things like Best Dark Fic, Best Traditional Art, Best New Web site, etc. The awards where created and led by P, a Vehicle Voltron fan, and moderated by me (Lotor fan), C (Garla fan, but loved Cossack the most) and K ( Zarkon fan). I mention our individual preferences because they will relevant in the upcoming storm.

At first things were great. The awards were advertised various places, and people eagerly signed up to the awards mailing list on Yahoo. But then accusations were made by the yaoi and Lotura shippers that the awards were created by Kallura shippers for Kallura shippers and were baised and rigged to allow them to walk away with all the awards. Keep in mind that none of the mods were Kallura shippers (though some of had written a Kallura fic or two and we were, as a group, largely indifferent towards it) and that the nomination and voting hadn’t started yet. When the awards concluded a lot of the awards went to non-Kallura stuff. However, this didn’t stop accusations of rigging and biased mods.

Seriously. These accusations came up every single year the awards went on. The awards were run by KAEXers who were ripping everyone else off. A conspiracy was afoot! This post sums up the attitude nicely:

“I think that those fandom awards are not only biased but rigged better than the figure skating events at the olympics.They not only cater to the "K/A'ers but are run by the same said fan base.I say this with knowledge of the people that are the Keith backers on the official Voltron Forums and that they wouldn't know a great fanfic or fanpic author if it bit them on their pathetic asses.All six of my all time favourite authors were ripped off worse than Metallica was during the grammys when Jethro Tull won the best metal band award.I am sick and throughly tired of rigged awards that are so biased and claim not to be.It is the very definition of hypocracy.

Thats why I propose that we shaft the awards and do our own that is not only unbiased but fair and when the polls close at midnight they actually do.Unlike the ones on yahoo groups that say one thing and do the oposite.”

Nevermind discussion of the awards were BANNED on KAEX because the list owner saw them as inherently elitist and some members were upset over not winning anything. The amount of paranoia, hand wringing, ego, and hurt feelings that went on over a bunch of internet awards that gave nothing but bragging rights and JPEG image was unbelievable.

I will say that Purity Culture wasn’t really a thing in the DoTU fandom. While there were arguments over ships, said arguments weren’t things like “IF YOU LIKE LOTURA YOU ARE AN ABUSER!!!!” but more like “Lotor is cruel and evil and Allura would never be attracted to him.” Or claims that so-and-so ship was more canon. The yaoi side of the fandom in particular wrote fics that would make antis clutch their pearls. So, yeah, in some ways fandom back then was better but there was never some golden age where all fan stood united, hand-in-hand.

#Voltron #DoTU #voltron: defender of the universe #fandom #ship wars

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hermanwatts · 5 years ago

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Sensor Sweep: The Night Land, Fritz Leiber, Scott Oden, Viking Prince

Horror Fiction (Too Much Horror Fiction): Known for penning the novel The Night of the Hunter upon which the classic 1955 movie was based, Davis Grubb (1919-1980) was a West Virginia native well-versed in the pride, poverty, tribulations and superstitions that were endemic to that region. This collection of short stories ranging over 20 years, Twelve Tales of Suspense and the Supernatural (paperback edition from Fawcett Crest, June 1965) includes some Weird Tales works as well as tales first published in popular magazines like Ellery Queen, Nero Wolfe, Woman’s Home Companion, and Collier’s.

Science Fiction (Classics of Science Fiction): The Night Land by William Hope Hodgson is not the kind of book you can recommend people rush out and buy. It is legendary for being difficult to read, and many consider it boring and tedious. However, The Night Land is one of those cult classics that have inspired a selective group of writers and readers. I had no trouble listening to an unabridged audiobook edition of the book that was just over eighteen hours long. I think hearing it rather than reading let me appreciate the archaic style Hodgson developed for telling his story.

Science Fiction (Strange at Ecbatan): Fritz Leiber was born on Christmas Eve in 1910. He died in 1992. One of my favorites among his novels, The Sinful Ones, and its earlier version, “You’re All Alone.” The Sinful Ones had an odd publication history. It began as a novella called “You’re All Alone”, slated for John Campbell’s fantasy companion to Astounding, Unknown. When the World War II paper shortage killed Unknown, Fritz Leiber had to abandon it.

Publishing (Kairos): Some significant context: digging under the following data points turned up that it predominantly applies to oldpub. In that regard, they make for a pretty accurate snapshot of oldpub’s readership ca. 2014. What do we find?

Women prefer to read books written by women.

Men prefer to read books written by men.

Women read more fiction than men–about four times more according to some sources.

Women like reading new books more than men do.

Pulp Magazines (Wasteland and Sky): Welcome to our final installment of this short series on Ron Goulart’s Cheap Thrills history of pulp book. Even though it has only been three entries, we have been through much. But now it is time cover what I believe the majority of the readers of this blog have the most interest in.

In this last entry we will cover the concluding three chapters of the work, hopefully leaving us with one last impression of what the pulps were truly about. In the previous post I discussed the majority of the book to show just how many similarities there were between the old and the new, and how heroes and hope were the mainstays of the form.

Fiction (DMR Books): Sax Rohmer exploded onto the pop lit scene in 1913 with the publication of The Mystery of Dr. Fu-Manchu—published in the U.S. as The Insidious Dr. Fu Manchu. Sax’s tale of the machinations of the “Devil Doctor” was an instant sensation. Rohmer would write two more Fu-Manchu—or “Fu Manchu” as it came to be spelled—novels in the next four years. He wouldn’t write another such novel for nearly fifteen years, but the impact of those first three reverberated for decades.

Comic Books (Broadswords & Blasters): Most Sword & Sorcery fans consider “Crom the Barbarian” by Gardener F. Fox and John Giunta (Out of This World #1, June 1950) the first true S&S comic. One can make the case that even earlier was the Prince Valiant comic strip back in 1937. This strip by Hal Foster influenced everything that came after. Prince Valiant follows the adventures of a knight in Arthurian times, has an encounter with a dinosaur and a witch. Does that make it S&S? Not really since the bulk of the strip isn’t supernatural but a costume drama. Fox’s Crom is truly a Howardian pastiche like no other.

Old Science Fiction (Pulp net): Captain Future, published by Thrilling (aka Ned Pine‘s Better), was probably its third most-popular pulp hero and possibly the only explicitly sf pulp hero. Editor Mort Weisinger developed the idea for the character, but main author Edmond Hamilton took that idea and turned it into Captain Future. Most likely people today would remember him from the poster in the TV series The Big Bang Theory, which is a blowup of one of the pulp covers.

Sherlock Holmes (The Passing Tramp): In January 1959 madly prolific Wisconsin author August Deleth (1909-1971), the so-called sage of Sauk City, wrote in a column in the Madison Capital Times about a recent query he had had from a reader that had obviously hit home. Late in the previous year he had published The Return of Solar Pons, his latest volume of adventures about Solars Pons, a detective who had started off as a Sherlock Holmes pastiche but taken on a life and (admittedly much narrower) following of his own; and the Derleth reader in question had written Derleth questioning why the author spent so much time on these stories, when he was “certainly capable of better things.”

Westerns (Brain Leakage): The Benteen name was the one Haas used when writing the Fargo series, about professional soldier of fortune Neal Fargo. Taking place in the early 1900s, the Fargo series sees its hero traveling around the world, taking dangerous jobs for money. A rough wanderer with a talent for fighting, Fargo has been described by fans of the series as “Conan with a shotgun.” And that’s pretty damn accurate. Alaska Steel is #3 in the series, but like all good pulp or adventure fiction, you can read them in any order.

RPG (Emperor Ponders): I recently read a Twitter conversation about high-level cleric characters in D&D and their effects on the game, and I thought about writing something on that. But as usually happens, I can’t tell the difference between things I have already written or just things I have thought about, because as it turns out, I already had a post about this very same thing.

Gaming (Rlyeh Reviews): If you are of a certain age, then you will remember Apocalypse. Not the ‘Apocalypse’, but Apocalypse: The Game of Nuclear Devastation, a board game published by Games Workshop in 1980 in bookcase format along with Valley of the Four Winds and Warlock. It saw generals fighting for territory in a near future Europe in conflicts that would quickly escalate into nuclear confrontations and inevitably, nuclear devastation.

Pop Culture (Walker’s Retreat): I’ve said plenty on Corporate IP ownership, and that the quality of Corporate-owned pop culture productions depend greatly on the adherance of to a concept of stewardship. If a regime holds to it, you get good stuff. If not, you get trash. Regimes turn over, so this can happen to IPs in a cyclical format. For reasons I won’t go into here, the regime that control the Gundam property have been more good than bad about being stewards of the property in the last decade and as Gundam’s 40th anniversary goes on we’re seeing this continue. The below is from the GundamOfficial channel on YouTube.

History (Didact’s Reach): The Kings and Generals channel on YouTube features a great many superb videos on many historical figures, battles, and civilisations of the past, with a distinct focus on military history. One of the best videos out of the bunch – and given the quality of their catalogue, that is saying something – is about the legendary Roman general and military commander, Nero Claudius Drusus (or Tiberius Claudius Nero – it is not quite clear exactly what his true birth name was). We know him today as Germanicus, one of the few truly unsullied heroes of the early Roman empire. His wars against the Germanic tribes, and the way in which he comported himself in these wars, is worthy of study.

Author Interview (Paint Monk): If you’ve been following Marvel’s re-acquisition of our favorite Cimmerian for the past year, then you’ve probably already caught on to one of the shining highlights of an otherwise uneven relaunch of Savage Sword of Conan — Author Scott Oden’s brilliant novella, The Shadow of Vengeance. Set after Robert E. Howard’s “The Devil in Iron” (Weird Tales, August 1934), Oden takes us on a breathtaking adventure of daring and swashbuckling sword and sorcery that is immediately reminiscent of Howard’s legendary writing.

Fiction (DMR Books): Being out of town, I stopped by a bookstore/newsstand. There was Bard II. I was familiar with the protagonist of the novel, Felimid Mac Fal, from a Keith Taylor story in the classic Swords Against Darkness II. The Maitz cover was gorgeous and the blurbs sounded cool, so I bought it. It was a rainy day, so when I got home, I proceeded to dive into Taylor’s book. As is usual with the Bard novels—as I learned later—it starts in media res, with a full-on sea battle in progress by the second or third page.

Sensor Sweep: The Night Land, Fritz Leiber, Scott Oden, Viking Prince published first on https://sixchexus.weebly.com/

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gokinjeespot · 5 years ago

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off the rack #1293

Monday, December 23, 2019

I'll be working at Comet Comics today which is a good thing because I won't be around all the Christmas goodies at home. Home made cookies and party mix won't be tempting me. I wish you all a Very Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. I hope you didn't spend too much. Try not to eat too much. Try to over spread the love and joy of the season.

Batman #85 - Tom King (writer) Mikel Janin (art) Hugo Petrus (art pages 10-12) Jordie Bellaire (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). A very satisfying end to "City of Bane". I liked how Tom left Bruce and Selina. Gotham Girl also gets a nice boost. The 3-page epilogue by James Tynion IV (writer) Guillem March (art) Tomeu Morey (colours) & Clayton Cowles (letters) made me think that the future of this title is going to be okay after the departure of Tom King.

Once & Future #5 - Kieron Gillen (writer) Dan Mora (art) Tamra Bonvillain (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). Duncan is Percival in this story and he's about to get a very powerful weapon to fight the bad knights. I hope his granny doesn't die.

Legion of Super-Heroes #2 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Ryan Sook (pencils) Wade von Grawbadger (inks) & Ryan Sook (inks pages 11-13) Jordie Bellaire (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). One reason that I don't read a lot of super hero team books is because some writers make it very difficult to keep track of everybody on the team and what they're doing. I fear this might happen with this book because there are so many Legionnaires. I like the introduction of Jonathan Kent to the team and him getting a new recruit at the end of this issue made me go "yay". I'm going to stick with this for at least another issue.

Runaways #28 - Rainbow Rowell (writer) Andre Genolet (art) Dee Cunniffe (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). The benevolent Doc Justice isn't as pure goodie two-shoes as he claims. His gnarly plans for the Runaways start to be revealed this issue.

Batman Superman #5 - Joshua Williamson (writer) David Marquez (art) Alejandro Sanchez (colours) John J. Hill (letters). Can Batman and Superman get past the Secret Six to destroy the tower and satellite that will bring the Dark Multiverse to our world? Hey, they don't call them the World's Finest for nothing. Of course, keeping the Batman Who Laugh's attack secret is going to have consequences. I want to see how Wonder Woman reacts to the boys leaving her in the dark.

Gwenpool Strikes Back #5 - Leah Williams (writer) David Baldeon (art) Jesus Aburtov & Guru-eFX (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Leah sold me on this self aware comic book character so the next time she writes a Gwenpool story I'll be there.

Catwoman #18 - Joelle Jones (writer) Joelle Jones (art pages 1-3, 10-11, 16-20) Fernando Blanco (art pages 4-9, 12-15) Laura Allred (colours pages 1-7, 10-11, 16-20) FCO Plascencia (colours pages 8-9, 12-15) Saida Temofonte (letters). This was fun. I didn't know that Catwoman and Zatanna were such good friends. Selina gets a little magical help to fight the creepy Raina Creel. I can't wait to see how it works.

King Thor #4 - Jason Aaron (writer) Esad Ribic (main artist) Ive Svorcina (main colour artist) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). That's all he wrote folks. Jason Aaron wraps up his Thor run in this epic $5.99 US issue. I can't think of anyone who's better at chronicling a god's adventures than him. The list of contributing art teams to this mighty tome is too vast to include here. Suffice it to say that everyone did an awesome job illustrating this finale.

Avengers #28 - Jason Aaron (writer) Ed McGuinness (pencils) Mark Morales (inks) Jason Keith & Erick Arciniega (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Part 2 of "Starbrand Reborn" has Silver Surfer Black, Terrax, and Firelord teaming up to hunt the new Starbrand. The three ex-heralds of Galactus only hang around for 2 pages before Silver Surfer leaves them in his dust to go after Ghost Rider's ride. A lot happens this issue so pay attention. It looks like whoever has the Starbrand might be a bad guy. I hope we don't have to wait too much longer to find out who that is.

The Amazing Spider-Man #36 - Nick Spencer (writer) Oscar Bazaldua (art) Steve Firchow (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). I didn't read 2099 Omega #1 before this issue so it's very confusing what's happening with Spider-Man and Doctor Doom. I find this kind of tight tie-in very annoying. Bottom line is that Peter doesn't die and Doc Doom goes home to Latveria. The evil Countess's goal of starting a war between Symkaria and Latveria has been achieved. Meanwhile, Chameleon hints at future intrigues. A little incentive to keep reading this title.

Fallen Angels #4 - Bryan Hill (writer) Szymon Kudranski (art) Frank D'Armata (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). The team's mission to save children succeeds but there are casualties on the good guys' side. We also meet the bad guy and find out what connection it has with Psylocke. This title appeals to me because of the science involved. I think you need at least a university degree to appreciate the whole thing.

Daredevil #15 - Chip Zdarsky (writer) Marco Checchetto & Francesco Mobili (art) Nolan Woodard & Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). I can't believe that Wilson Fisk has finally met his match when it comes to being a ruthless criminal. Seeing the Stromwyn siblings in action during their meeting with the Mayor of New York City made me cheer for poor old Kingpin. Meanwhile Matt and Elektra get hot under the collar on a mission to find out who ordered the police to keep out of Hell's Kitchen. I'm so glad to see Elektra back on the racks.

2099 Omega #1 - Nick Spencer (writer) Gerardo Sandoval & Ze Carlos (pencils) Gerardo Sandoval, Victor Nava & Ze Carlos (inks) Morry Hollowell, Brian Reber & Andrew Crossley (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). 2099 was the non-event of 2019. You could have skipped this entire story and be none the worse for wear. This issue didn't even answer any of the questions I had from reading The Amazing Spider-Man #36. The only thing this accomplished was possibly to set up the return of Miguel as Spider-Man 2099 somewhere down the line again. This has been the most useless Marvel story that I have ever read. If I was a paying Amazing Spider-Man fan I would be royally pissed.

Suicide Squad #1 - Tom Taylor (writer) Bruno Redondo (art) Adriano Lucas (colours) Wes Abbott (letters). There's a changing of the guard as the new Squad gets upgraded with new recruits. The team is sent against some Social Justice Warriors called the Revolutionaries and lose some members in the fight. Tom's not messing around with the changes. Amanda Waller may be in this issue but she's only there to pass the reigns to a hard ass named Lok. I like Lok. I'm going to keep reading these.

The Old Guard: Force Multiplied #1 - Greg Rucka (writer) Leandro Fernandez (art) Daniela Miwa (colours) Jodi Wynne (letters). Andy's back on the racks. I started to read this immortal woman's first story but had to abandon it due to the store only ordering subscription service copies. I should seek out the collected trade paperback and read that. I remember I liked what I read of the first story and I like this first issue. And if I don't get to read the rest, I can look forward to seeing the movie in 2020 with Charlize Theron as Andy. Charlize was terrific in Atomic Blonde.

Annihilation - Scourge Omega #1 - Matthew Rosenberg (writer) Manuel Garcia (pencils) Rafael Fonteriz, Cam Smith, Wayne Faucher & Manuel Garcia (inks) Federico Blee, Rachelle Rosenberg & Erick Arciniega (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). This ending was a lot better than 2099 Omega #1. Even though it was your typical "whole bunch of super heroes fighting a cosmic threat and winning because of a huge sacrifice", the story made sense. It still wasn't a story that was worth reading. The only thing I got out of it was seeing characters that I haven't seen on the racks in ages. Hello Speedball. If Marvel keeps shovelling this crap and stinking up the House of Ideas, they're going to lose more readers.

Year of the Villain: The Infected - The Commissioner #1 - Paul Jenkins (writer) Jack Herbert (art) Adriano Lucas (colours) A Larger World's Troy Peteri (letters). James Gordon is now a minion for the Batman Who Laughs. With Batman helping Superman fight other infected super heroes, Gotham City is vulnerable after the Commissioner releases the inmates of Arkham Asylum. I'm hanging around this story to see how they cure everyone.

The Low, Low Woods #1 - Carmen Maria Machado (writer) Dani (art) Tamra Bonvillain (colours) Steve Wands (letters). This is the story of Octavia and Eldora, two teenage girlfriends living in a half abandoned coal mining town. The mines are closed and strange things happen. I liked these girls after reading this so I'm going to stick around to see what happens after one of them wakes up next to a dead body.

Year of the Villain: Hell Arisen #1 - James Tynion IV (writer) Steve Epting (art) Nick Filardi (colours) Travis Lanham (letters). What a poetic title for this 4-issue mini which will end with us finally knowing how the Batman Who Laughs changes the DCU. I'm finding it difficult to get into this story since it doesn't impact a lot of the DC books that I read. I'm curious to see if that changes.

Klaus and the Life & Times of Joe Christmas #1 - Grant Morrison (writer) Dan Mora (art). I was a little disappointed because this wasn't a traditional story in the sense of having words and pictures. Notice the absence of a letterer in the credits. What we have here are 25 days in December lovingly illustrated. Punch a hole in this issue and you can use it as a calendar.

Basketful of Heads #3 - Joe Hill (writer) Leomacs (art) Dave Stewart (colours) Deron Bennett (letters). There's only one head in the basket so far but I think another one will join it soon. This is one weird story with a creepy fantasy twist and I like it. I can't wait to see what June does with the axe next.

Batman Last Knight On Earth #3 - Scott Snyder (writer) Greg Capullo (pencils) Jonathan Glapion (inks) FCO Plascencia (colours) Tom Napolitano (letters). What a terrific finish. I love these kinds of Elseworld stories where the characters are tweaked so that they're new and yet familiar. The Joker's head was the star of this story.

Marauders #4 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Lucas Werneck (art) Federico Blee (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). I've been undecided about continuing to read this series but the gorgeous Storm cover by Russell Dauterman (art) & Matthew Wilson (colours) made me grab this issue off the racks and now that I've read it I'll add this to my "must read" list. I like the spy element to this title. We've got the Hellfire Trading Company, ex-bad guys now doing good for the mutant community and this issue introduces the White members of the club, who are anti-mutant. Very intriguing.

Doomsday Clock #12 - Geoff Johns (writer) Gary Frank (art) Brad Anderson (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). The long awaited appearance of Dr. Manhattan happens here. It took two years for this story to be told. A lot of it had me discombobulated because of the mash-up of different universes. This story boils down to Jon/Dr. Manhattan and Superman/Clark Kent figuring out how to save the Multiverse. The cool thing about Dr. Manhattan is that the possibilities are endless. I rarely read a comic book story more than once but I did read The Watchmen three times. The first was when the original 12-issue series came out. The second was when the story was collected in a graphic novel and the third just after Doomsday Clock was announced. I think you get a better appreciation for Doomsday Clock is you're familiar with the Watchmen. I am considering reading Doomsday Clock again when it's collected too mostly because I loved the art.

Spider-Man #3 - J. J. Abrams & Henry Abrams (writers) Sara Pichelli (art) Elisabetta D'Amico (inking assistant) Dave Stewart (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). With Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man done and The Amazing Spider-Man and Miles Morales: Spider-Man eliciting mehs from me lately, this is now my number one Spider-Man book. I like how they're handling Ben's evolution after discovering his powers. Their use of Tony Stark and Riri Williams made me smile. The new super villain Cadaverous is very cool.

Harleen #3 - Stjepan Sejic (writer & artist) Gabriela Downie (letters). Wow, what a great origin story for Harley Quinn. This is the best interpretation of the relationship between Harley and the Joker so far. The inclusion of Two-Face was a bonus.

Wonder Woman: Dead Earth #1 - Daniel Warren Johnson (story & art) Mike Spicer (colours) Rus Wooton (letters). Wonder Woman is awakened in a post-apocalyptic world where the humans have to survive being overrun by monsters. All the super heroes are dead. Well, at least Batman's dead. She saves Camp New Hope (is this a Star Wars swipe?) from the monsters and decides she's going to lead everybody to, you guessed it, a new hope. I liked the surprise appearance of a frenemy and the story is a basic fight for your life journey. I don't think this deserved the larger $5.99 US DC Black format however. It would have sold better in the regular comic book sized format like the DC Black $3.99 US Low, Low Woods.

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swipestream · 6 years ago

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Remembering a Friend

My friend Steve Tompkins has been gone for ten years as of March 23. Seems like yesterday I found out about his passing. I had had a bad feeling as I could not get in touch with him and it turned out to be the worst.

Steve was a writer of non-fiction. There is a type of writer involved with certain literary genres who puts things in perspective or gives new insight. Robert E. Briney comes to mind. He wrote non-fiction pieces for Amra and and about Sax Rohmer. Steve Tompkins was in that vein.

I got to know Steve when I was the Official Editor of the Robert E. Howard United Press Association. One of the members gave me his address and I sent Steve a spec copy of the mailings. This would have been in early 1995. Steve had been writing letters to the Conan comic books for some period.

He read a piece I wrote for my fanzine called “Lin Carter: The Inept Pastichist” (later reprinted and slightly touched up as “The Inept Pasticheur”). Steve said when he read that, he knew he was in the right place. He joined the apa and joined in the fun with “Lin Carter: Fan Gone Wrong” and “Rolling in the Aisles.” “Rolling in the Aisles” was a humorous deconstruction of the very irritating Lin Carter character Sigurd of Vanaheim, a supporting character in the L. Sprague de Camp/Lin Carter novels Conan the Buccaneer and Conan of the Isles. Steve was happy when Roy Thomas killed Sigurd in a gruesome fashion in the 1990s in one of the Conan comic books.

Not long after joining, I received a phone call from Steve which initiated the first of many, many phone calls up to his death. I remember we talked about Hitler and the Third Reich a lot.

Steve tackled various characters and writers in fantasy, especially sword and sorcery. He had an unfinished overview of Charles Saunders’ Imaro stories. He wrote one on lycanthropy and winter settings examining Karl Edward Wagner’s “Reflections for the Winter of My Soul.” He looked at “the northern thing” including Howard, Tolkien, and Keith Taylor’s Bard series.

Steve was a graduate of Columbia University. His job at the Bank of New York was to write apology letters for the bank that were written in a way the bank in no way was responsible. His writing background was put to good use for greater things.

His writing style could take a little getting used to. I can remember a few members of REHUPA grumbling about perceived pretense. In time people got used to him. He certainly bulked up the page count of the mailings.

His essays brought in all sorts of things. He might mention Slotkin’s theory of regeneration through violence on page and then Johnny Rotten a couple paragraphs later. Steve was also addicted to puns.

We traveled to Howard Days in Cross Plains in 1998. We met up in Dallas and I introduced him to the joys of beef fajitas at the Blue Goose Restaurant in Dallas. Two years later, we met up and shared a hotel room for Pulp-Con in Dayton, OH. There we checked out a diner called The Breakfast Club that he liked immensely.

Steve introduced me to David Gemmell. There was little in the way of sword and sorcery fiction in the middle 1990s. I happened to mention seeing this guy Gemmell’s books at the new Barnes & Noble bookstore. He urged me to give him a try.

Living in New York, Steve would take advantage of cheap flights to London. He would catch a flight on a three day weekend, hit the bookstores and return with suitcases of books. I have a number of David Gemmell books in hardback and paperback brought back by Steve in my den. I got to read those often more than a year before they were released in the U.S.

I can remember Steve calling me up in late 1996 and telling me that George R. R. Martin had just released a big fantasy novel. If I could only hear him now on Martin’s unfinished series.

In time, Steve moved from the amateur press to small press publications including The Dark Man journal, The Robert E. Howard Companion, and The Cimmerian. He wrote the introduction for Bison Books The Black Stranger and Other American Tales. He was the guy who figured out that George Orwell had read some of Robert E. Howard’s boxing stories in the pages of Fight Stories. He had an essay, “Gigantic Gulfs of Eons: Kull, Conan, and Tyrant Time” in The Barbaric Triumph, Don Herron’s follow up book of critical essays to The Dark Barbarian.

Steve expanded our horizons on what could be done with examinations of genre fiction. All to often, non-fiction pieces consist of surveys telling the name of a story and what happens and “Oh boy! Is this great!” fan-boy enthusiasm. He showed you could bring in all sorts of things and dig deeper exposing eternal truths present in fantasy fiction.

One of the biggest issues was Steve was getting some idea finished before something else grabbed his attention. Seems he was always enthusiastic about some new discovery.

I was probably the last one from REHUPA to talk to him on the phone. He had gotten food poisoning eating at a Burger King. At the time, he hoped to muddle through it drinking Gatorade to keep his electrolytes up. He ended up being admitted to the hospital with anemia. The sequence of events resulted in a fatal heart attack at age 48. I can remember feeling punched in the gut when I found out about his death. There was a hole in my life when that happened. I wrote up a short piece for the old rehupa.com site and a tribute for REH: Two-Gun Raconteur. I miss his humor. I can remember e-mailing him about a dog we had at the time, Pepper the Shih-Tzu. Pepper had a very short fuse and snapped at my wife. She was going to have him put down. Steve sent me an e-mail with the message heading “Pulling for Pepper.” I ended up talking my wife out of having the dog put down and Pepper died of cancer at age 13. Steve, hopefully we will see each other again.

Check out his bibliography at isfdb.org.

Remembering a Friend published first on https://medium.com/@ReloadedPCGames

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analogscum · 6 years ago

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BLACKOUT (1985, d. Douglas Hickox)

I’m gonna let you in on the process, my dear Scumbags. The method behind all of this madness, if you will. This is how I tend to go about picking a movie to write about for this site: I look at the VHS box art. I would like to say that this is because I want to make the experience of reading ANALOG SCUM like scrounging through the grimy back section of a video store of yore, but the reality is that I’m lazy and easily swayed by aesthetics. So you can imagine my elation when I came across the box art for 1985’s Blackout. I mean, look at this puppy! There’s a bondage gimp man brandishing a knife, with a very rock n’ roll title font, what’s not to love?! This is one of those titles that haunted (tee hee) the horror section of my local National Video as a young’n, and I’m sure horror fans around my age or older remember those piercing blue eyes staring at us through that leather mask. Based on this box art, I thought I would be watching a sleazy giallo-inspired slasher, with nudity and gore to spare, maybe even of the SOV variety, which is a-ok in my book. But then…I learned that Blackout was a made-for-TV movie. Oh fudge.

So there’s this lady in a red trench coat, right? She walks up to a house and knocks on the back door. Then she rings the doorbell, and it sounds like a buzzer, which, who has a doorbell on their back door, and that’s not how a doorbell sounds. Fucking CARE MORE, filmmakers. The lady finds a spare key and enters the house. It’s pretty eerie. There’s classical music blaring, and the remnants of a child’s birthday party are still on the dining table. The lady goes into a side office, where the classical music is blaring from, and turns off the record player. But what’s that? The TV is on in another room. So the lady heads downstairs. It’s dark. It’s creepy. And in the TV room, there’s another lady and three kids, and they’re super duper dead! Whoa! Afternoon ruined!

And so enters Detective Grandpa. He’s a grizzled old gumshoe who you just know is going to take this case way too personally and the guy who did it is going to become his white whale, etc. etc. etc. Detective Grandpa learns that the patriarch of this murdered family, one Ed Vincent, has gone missing. So of course that must be the perp who done it! Cut to: a guy hitchhiking by the side of the road. Huh? So he gets picked up by someone driving what looks like a Yugo or a Gremlin or some other terrible late 20th century car. Anyway, this fucking guy immediately starts tailgating a lumber truck for no goddamn reason. Ease off the gas, dicknose! Then he tries to pass the lumber truck on the right hand side, which, c’mon, asshole, and then ANOTHER LUMBER TRUCK comes in the other direction, the car swerves, goes up a hill, comes crashing down, and fucking EXPLODES. Was it worth it, ya tailgating son of a bitch?!

Now the movie turns into The Diving Bell and the Butterfly for a few minutes, and we see things from the perspective of the hitchhiker. Turns out he’s suffered serious facial injuries and will require a series of total reconstructive surgeries, plus he’s got amnesia, so he has no idea who he is, whoops. We meet a bunch of his doctors, who don’t matter, plus his nurse, who is played by Kathleen Quinlan, aka the lady from Apollo 13, plus her cop boyfriend, played by Michael Beck, aka the guy from The Warriors and zero other good movies. She’s a recent divorcee, and he’s extremely pushy about wanting to get married, and gets super annoyed when she tries to assert her personhood, but don’t worry about it. Anyway, our homie gets all of his surgeries, and decides that he wants to look like Keith Carradine, which is fine. It’s a choice. It’s like saying, hey, make me look like a more wholesome Klaus Kinski. But yeah, eventually he and Kathleen Quinlan fall in love, and decide to get married. Michael Beck takes this extremely well, by which I mean he yells at her and then pretends he was only worried about their financial situation. Oh hey, is that a wall on Michael Beck’s bedroom that’s covered in photos of Kathleen Quinlan? I thought I said don’t worry about it!

Cut to: six years later. Keith Carradine is going by the name Allen Devlin. He’s a super successful real estate agent, he and Kathleen Quinlan are happily married, and they have three kids. Detective Grandpa, meanwhile, has been forced into retirement by the powers that be, definitely because of political reasons and not because he’s a degenerate drunk. But then someone anonymously sends him a newspaper clipping with a picture of Allen Devlin, and he’s like, oh fuuuuuuuuck, I’m off to Washington state to harass some innocent people! He accosts Allen on a crowded elevator and is like, Oh hey, Ed Vincent! And of course Allen is like, um, no, you’ve got the wrong guy. And Detective Grandpa is like, oh no, you’re definitely Ed Vincent, remember, you had a wife and three kids and then they were fucking murdered?! Anyhoo, see ya later! And then he just gets off the elevator and Allen is like, what the hell was that about, some old rummy just called me a killer?!

Detective Grandpa then does what he should’ve done in the first place were he not a whisky-soaked dickhead and shows up at Allen Devlin’s office. He shows Allen a bunch of crime scene photos and Allen is horrified and agrees to prove his innocence however he can. THE VERY NEXT SCENE, they go to the doctors and the doctors are like, hey, look, Allen’s dental records don’t match Ed Vincent’s, so this movie should basically be over now. But Detective Grandpa is like, nah, who needs scientific evidence when you’ve got a sleuth’s intuition and blah blah burp. At this point Michael Beck gets pulled back into the movie, and once again rightfully points out that the movie should be over at this point because scientifically speaking Allen can’t be Ed Vincent, and Detective Grandpa responds by calling Michael Beck a “young hot shot computer type.” Ugh. So Allen hires a private investigator to look into his past before the accident, which goes pretty much nowhere. Kathleen Quinlan starts getting threatening phone calls from someone calling themselves Ed, and addressing her by the dead wife’s first name. Oh, and out of the fucking blue, Mr. Bondage Guy from the box art shows up and starts attacking women around town, and Detective Grandpa is like, oh yeah, forgot to mention this, we had similar attacks out in Ohio, creep in a gimp mask going around rapin’ everybody up in here, but they stopped…AFTER THE VINCENT FAMILY MURDER!!! SPOOOOOOOOKY!!! It’s like, c’mon, you’ve GOT to set this up way before the mid-point of the movie! It’s like getting a sandwich with one too many meats: do you want a serial killer hoagie or a bondage rapist grinder? PICK ONE, BLACKOUT!

So the private eye that Allen hired winds up dead, and the police of course suspect Allen. Allen, meanwhile, is starting to think that Detective Grandpa and Michael Beck are conspiring to set him up, because of course he would think that! This sentient bottle of Captain Morgan and the creepy cop who clearly still loves his wife suddenly start lobbing accusations of murder at him? C’mon, what’s he supposed to think? But then one of the kids finds a gimp mask in the garden shed! Oh noooooo! Kathleen Quinlan is like, gaaaaah maybe you are a murderizer! And brandishes a knife at him, and Allen is like, c’mon, baby, you know me better than that, I have no idea how that super sexy mask got in our garden shed! Look, to prove that I’m not a murderer, I’ll have myself committed, so that the cops can’t arrest me (which is not how that works), and then when the crimes continue, I’ll be exonerated for good! So off to the loony bin he goes, and into the garbage bin this movie goes.

Detective Grandpa gets the DNA results back from the lab on the super sexy gimp mask: no traces of Allen anywhere on the thing. And then a guy gets arrested for attempted rape, and they find a different sexy gimp mask on him! All of a sudden, Michael Beck, who has been calling Detective Grandpa crazy this whole time, is like, this could be a copycat crime, I think Allen is the real bad guy here now because the plot needs me to! Detective Grandpa is like, nah, your man confessed, there’s no real evidence to tie Allen to any of this, I was wrong, I’m going back to my elderly bachelor’s apartment in Ohio, but before I do that, can I use your bathroom? Michael Beck is like, sure, no problem, just ignore my wall festooned with pictures of Allen’s wife, if you could. But whoops, he doesn’t, and Detective Grandpa is like, holy shit, you set this whole thing up because you wanna go back to boning Kathleen Quinlan, you sent me that newspaper clipping, didn’t you? And Michael Beck, toilet clown that he is, tries to have it both ways, and is like, ok fine, I sent you the newspaper clipping, but I did it because I really thought he may be the guy you’re after, not because of this obvious romantic vendetta of mine! Psssssssh. So then Detective Grandpa is like, did you make those phone calls and plant the gimp mask too? To which Michael Beck is like, how dare you, I may have sent you a newspaper clipping in the hope of getting my unrequited love’s new husband accused of murder, but I’d NEVER plant evidence! Get off your fucking high horse, Beck, and just admit that you’re a creep, yeeeeaaaaaah.

To his credit, Detective Grandpa stops by to see Kathleen Quinlan, and is like, hey, I fucked up, your husband is definitely innocent, and Michael Beck definitely set this whole thing in motion because he’s still in love with you. Which comes as a huge shock to Kathleen Quinlan, and I hate when movies do this, because women are fucking smarter than this. Men in general, but especially creepy men, are terrible at hiding their unrequited feelings, and women definitely know, they just choose to ignore it. Whatever. So Kathleen Quinlan goes to see Allen and is like, I know you’re innocent now, I just want you back, and he’s like, ok, you’re right, it’s time for me to come back to my family, but oooooh boy am I mad at Detective Grandpa and Michael Beck! Anyway, I should be home just in time for…OUR SON’S BIRTHDAY PARTY!!! SPOOOOOOOOOOKY!!!

Michael Beck, because he’s awesome at ideas, decides to show Kathleen Quinlan that he’s not a creep by accosting her in the Safeway parking lot. Smooth move, Xanadu. He’s like, look, I know that I made a few oopsies, but I still think that your husband is a murderer, and you and your family are in danger. So finally Kathleen Quinlan just unloads on him. She’s like, you’re a manipulative jerk, that’s why I didn’t want to marry you, and that’s why we’re in this situation now, and you need to fucking nut up and get over this childish crush you have on me, and while you’re at it stay away from me and my family, I never want to see you ever again. So Michael Beck totally respects these wishes and…nope, nope, sorry, he parks his car across from the house and goes and stalks them. To make sure they’re “safe.” Fuck offfffffffff, dude.

So the kids are celebrating the youngest’s birthday, they’re decorating the house and blaring the rock n’ roll radio (let’s go!). Kathleen Quinlan asks one of the kids to go close the garage door, but he’s like, nah, I’m on the phone with the radio station so that they’ll give little fuckin’ Mikey or whatever his name is a shoutout on the air! So Kathleen Quinlan goes herself to take care of the garage door, but the lights aren’t working, so she grabs a flashlight, and then, OH CRIPES IT’S MR. BONDAGE GUY!!! She fights him off and manages to knock him out. Meanwhile, Detective Grandpa has stopped for gas, when he hears the birthday dedication to little fuckin’ Mikey or whatever his name is on the radio and he’s like DEAR GOD!!! So then Kathleen Quinlan is like, I must know! So she pulls off the super sexy gimp mask, and whoopdie fuck, it’s Allen. Great. So he wakes up and starts smacking her around and he’s like blargh bloogh I’m crazy now, I’m Ed Vincent and I think you’re my wife, so everybody’s going to hell tonight! The kids don’t hear any of this, of course, because of that blasted rock n’ roll music! She barricades herself in the car, and oh shit, there’s Michael Beck’s dead body! He starts busting out the windows, she crawls out of the driveway, and he’s about to gank her with an axe, when all of a sudden, Detective Grandpa shows up and puts two between the eyes. RIP Allen Devlin. RIP Ed Vincent. And RIP Blackout.

Mostly this movie is just a deeply frustrating viewing experience. The central premise, an amnesiac accused of murder, is a really smart and fascinating one, because there are so many ways you can run with it: is this guy really a secret cold blooded killer? Is this detective just letting his obsession (and all that liquor) cloud his judgement? Or are they both being manipulated by someone else for their own nefarious means? Unfortunately, the filmmakers decided to go with the most predictable and boring answer, while also taking the most needlessly convoluted route to get there. However, the performances are all good, more or less, and there’s some excellent cinematography, courtesy of Tak Fujimoto, who would go on to do incredible work with Jonathan Demme and others, so at least the movie looks good. Still, you can’t help but lament what a lost opportunity this is from a storytelling perspective. This is exactly the types of movies that should be getting remade: films with interesting plots that failed in execution. Just imagine what someone like Nicolas Winding Refn or David Fincher could do with this story, right?!

I’ll wrap things up with a strange and macabre addendum. Thanks to Nate Phillips, who runs the fantastic online storefront Media Crypt (I own a few of their shirts, and you should too!), for pointing out to me the fact that Blackout inspired a real-life murder! The film premiered on HBO on July 28, 1985. Less than a week later, on August 3, Ed Sherman of Hartford, CT, murdered his pregnant wife, Ellen. Just like in the film, Ed cranked up the air conditioning to slow down decomposition, and throw off the time of death, in an attempt to establish an alibi. During the trial, witnesses claimed to have discussed watching Blackout with Ed the day after it aired, and the film was even shown to the jury by the prosecutor. In the end, Sherman was sentenced to fifty years in prison, but died of a heart attack only four years into his sentence. The case would eventually be covered on an episode of “Forensic Files.” So that just goes to show ya, Scumbags: crime doesn’t pay! Or maybe it would if you pick a better movie than Blackout to base your crime on. I dunno. I don’t really do crimes.

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