#Personal issues

[the-monkeies-girl]

Hiatus.

I said it before and I'll say it again; Transparency is important and I don't want to leave you guys waiting for another seven days. I will be taking a week hiatus starting tomorrow. I feel like we're all good friends here and can talk about vulnerability.

A few weeks ago, one of my brothers passed away and I have been whirling since. I barely know how to talk about it still, I can barely process that there is one less of my family and how vacant it fells to lose one of my best friends. I miss him and I miss him more and more everyday that passes. I don't feel like a whole person and it's been so hard for me to engage in anything other than sleeping and staring off into space. Writing has been lost to me, but I miss it and I want to come back I just need to will myself to properly take care of myself in order to do that and even that has been a struggle with what has happened this entire month. I've been snappy with people who don't deserve it, I've been irrational and angry at myself. Probably, so far, one of the worst months I experienced along with a handful of other things that happened all in a shortened period of time.

I know we joke around about my writing speed being godly, but I am just a human being with human emotions and struggles. I am struggling more than I have before and I'm crying as I write this to you all. Thank you for the previous messages of support and any of you willing to wait for me to come back, for anyone who has supported me through this month when I kept saying 'I'm coming back.' I will, I just need some time. I love you all, you're all so amazing and I've done nothing to deserve the kindness that you bless me with.

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

Pantera - Floods

[unhonestlymirror]

Out of topic but I hate it when there is a female character raised as a man, who is also forbidden from exploring her femininity, and when she logically wants to find out how it feels to be a woman and she clearly has gender dismorphia in an extremely intolerant and patriarchal society, and people say "OMG she's trans!!"

[redtippedfox]

So update, my classes this year are really hard and time consuming, I think I might be on hiatus for the time being as my classes are taking all my time and sanity up even though we’ve just started.

Everything is currently now on hold, sorry but I’m already struggling with these classes so I’m on hiatus now.

Thank you for your patience

[bigbrotherlouis]

i can’t believe they took both morgan and joel away from me and sent them to fucking CALGARY

[monstersinthecosmos]

sorry I’m just really down bad for the god of the grove 🤧

[phenomenally-skilled]

*honks my funny clown horn*

It me.

[nictelsm]

Obnoxiously and Conveniently Venting Over Personal Issues Because I Have to Part 1

I'm pretty ignorant. I'm critical against a lot of things, I'm pretty intolerant, and I'm really idolent.

I'm inexperienced, I have a small variety of interests (mostly occupied by Andrew Hussie's works) and I think I'm going insane.

I sometimes can't handle opinions and often never precisely remember things that others think are important. My short term memory boosts these issues to another extent. May I inform my mind has been rotten?

Of course, I think what I've been diagnosed with at a young age is a disability and not a speciality or a personality quirk (seriously, what the hell?), because it might've given me issues I've rarely gotten to notice or might could notice at some point in my life.

I'm socially inept. My parents are afraid that if I meet someone in real life, I would be glad to hurt him or her. And I would, sadly.

The key thing to do when first meeting someone is to not be intimidating or dangerous, otherwise your client would run off ignoring you. But I can't even do it.

I'm acting like a lolcow on the internet. I can't even bother to act like a normal person because I've been demolishing my psychosis with endless re-runs of True Capitalist Radio, host of which inspired me to be who I am at my teenage years (he's an angry conservative mind you).

Most notable of all, I'm terminally online, but I only go to 4 websites. YouTube, DeviantArt, only one subreddit, and this very hellsite.

Not to mention, am I an attention seeker too? You can tell by this very post.

I need help. I don't want that hippie shit or anything that's overly positive and too sappy. I want ground truth. Not from people who obsess over their horoscopes or people with lousy opinions.

I want advice.

[sweetfreedom2107]

She doesn't need demons to haunt her, she has herself.

[bloody-revenge-days]

How has things been

So... Hi. I hope you guys are doing well

.

I'm kind of afraid to share this with you but... here it is :

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This blog is now a ghost town and I've kind of forgotten it existed, not gonna lie. And it's very close from the end of the year so... Bloody Revenge Days update for late 2023 is not a really bad thing, let's say.

For those wondering what's going on with Bloodstained, well unfortunately I lost interest as time went on, and by the way at the time it was just me trying to make things work out with the ideas I had. I had very little help to execute it (and writing is not my best thing, I'll be honest with that). Also lost interest with Bloody Bunny in general because one, updates are painfully slow and two, I just moved on... naturally, and got other interests. And I also kind of matured.

And I'll be honest, 2023 was a year where I was really not in my place.

For those who only know the bloody revenge days facette, I must admit that I was very very low. I mean it by the way, because Twitter. Cause you know, Twitter and anger issues is not a really good cocktail. So I did what was the best option, and it was to just log off completely. And that after a heated argument I told myself it was time to get the fuck out that place immediately before I get worse. And also I am considering getting help with said anger issues cause this is really not it. I've argued with my friends a lot and now I'm in good terms with them again after logging off that site and taking a break from the friend group. And I've been feeling pretty much better after that. Still not perfect but I can feel a sense of improvement within me

So yeah, revealing a more personal side of myself and feeling kind of shameful about it, let me tell you something about Bloody Bunny.

I am feeling like 2Spot really doesn't care about Bloody Bunny or its story or at least not enough to use it outside merchandising (or doing the good ol' Hasbro technique as I like to say it) And it sucks to me because fans like me wanted more to The First Blood or the game they released in 2021, and what did they do ? Those millenial humor posts with their imagery slapped onto it and NFTs. and it really sucks. This only proved to me that 2Spot really doesn't give a shit about their beloved IP and only wanted money. And with that in consideration I kind of understand why I lost interest in Bloodstained and this blog (aside from my attention getting all over places) and why I lost interest with Bloody Bunny in general

All I can see now is a story of fans dealing with a company's corporate greed and lack of interest for the IPs they make. And it makes me really sad.

So is this the end of Bloodstained and Bloody revenge days ?

Well, Bloodstained is already scrapped so... I don't see a lot of hopes in reviving the project.

For Bloody Revenge Days, the tumblr blog will still exist but will be in a state of archive so I won't be posting here unless I see legitimate news for Bloody Bunny but at this point it's too late.

So I won't be posting here and... yeah.

Still, thanks to all who came here to see this blog as imperfect as it is, my theories, my art, my posts, thanks for all of the the support, and I wish you a delightful new year and a better year for 2024.

.

.

-soursweetfoo

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

Pantera - Floods

[glitchyko]

Alright, so I feel like I need to say something about this since it has been on my mind for a long while and I want to address it.

I want to say I’m sorry for the times when I said I want/will draw something and then just never doing it. I feel bad for setting something up only to never fulfill it. I feel like I’m a liar and I’m just lazy, that I let myself down and failed, even though I know there’s circumstances in my life that make it difficult to do some of the things I wish to do. Things such as ADHD, school, mental health, and other things going on in my life. But I’ve been trying to get better at managing my time, getting things done faster, be more productive, and keep working on my art and perfectionism issues.

I want to do better, I want to actually be able to do and show the stories, aus, ocs, etc, that I constantly say that I think about and want to share with you guys. I want to become better as an artist and writer, and I don’t want to keep being scared to do things I want to do because of perfectionism to a point where I just can’t do anything out of fear of it looking bad and not meeting my unrealistically high standards.

I’m not completely sure where I’m going with this vent talk to be honest, I know I can’t guarantee changes and such immediately, and I don’t want to force myself to work on art stuff just to pump something out on social media as quickly as possible. That is not why I create, and to be honest that sounds like a recipe for burnout, more confidence issues, and not having fun with art anymore. I think what I’m trying to say is, I’m going to try to do things instead of just saying and thinking I want to do something and never doing it.

[redtippedfox]

Don’t ever become a design major, you will go insane

[chronicsheepdrawing]

Sorry everyone! I had to take a break due to my mental health and didn't have access to my electronics- I think I should be back now!

[bigbrotherlouis]

top books of 2024!

i’ve been doing a lot more reading and i love talking about it so here are my faves. i tried to narrow it down to 5 and then went “well, i can’t leave THAT one off the list!” so ten fiction and five nonfiction recs for you:

fiction:

1. nettle and bone by t. kingfisher - i’m a sucker for a fairytale and this was a good one. felt very familiar and still very new all at the same time. t. kingfisher was a new to me author this year and her horror didn’t hit but all her fairytales did. this one was very good, and a princess nun on a witchy endeavor was a fun time.

2. burial rites by hannah kent - i read this in one sitting because i couldn’t put it down, and i’m still thinking about it almost a year later. the way kent changes your opinion on the characters is so skillfully done and i liked it a lot.

3. the library at mount char by scott hawkins - this is not a book for everyone but i do love a plot that makes me go “HOW did you even THINK of that?!” what WOULD you do if god went missing?? massive trigger warnings but oh so good.

4. the alice network by kate quinn - kate is my holiday read author of choice and i read this in poland in the summer and it was perfect. the rose code is still my favourite book of hers but this one ranked up there. love a good spy network.

5. beartown by fredrick backman - i loved this one but i think i would’ve loved it more if i had not read the other two. good, but after three books of that length it does drag. masterful control of perspective and of plot weaving, plus some great ruminations on hockey.

6. the six deaths of the saint by alix e. harrow - i am overjoyed that harrow is (allegedly) making this into a longer novel because i LOVED IT. the visceralness of it. the cyclical nature. the horror when you realise what’s happening. perfect.

7. when among crows by veronica roth - i’m a slut for slavic folklore and this has such a sense of both history and place that really draws you in. i cannot stop thinking about the spine sword. i wish it had been longer just to stay in the world more.

8. the english understand wool by helen dewitt- i know it’s three novellas in a row but they were GOOD!! this one was an amazing length and just a fascinating almost oceans eleven-esque unraveling of a story. i gasped.

9. normal people by sally rooney - i know I KNOW. but i went to school on the emerald isle and it just resonated in lots of ways. i fell in love with the characters and honestly? might reread this winter bc i loved the atmosphere.

10. penance by eliza clark - god. this book. brutal in the worst ways and such an insightful commentary on, well, a lot of things. true crime culture, online communities, parasocial relationships, the weirdness of girl friendships as teens. also a potential reread!

nonfiction:

1. red valkyries by kristen ghodsee - probably my favourite book i’ve read this year, just because i learned SO much!! i read it in one sitting because i was just so fascinated by these amazing women, and i walked away with a more nuanced, more positive view of lenin than before.

2. the quiet damage by jesselyn cook - possibly the best nonfiction book i have ever read? i couldn’t put it down. heartbreaking and tough to read but i think very necessary in these days.

3. war is a force that gives us meaning by chris hedges - this is very good with a disclaimer. i agreed with a lot of his overarching philosophies but i didn’t agree with his examples. it has some pitfalls, but! parts of it are essential reading for peacebuilders. if anyone wants to chat abt this one please text

4. in the dream house by carmen maria machado - this was a very good memoir and very innovative in form. i liked that part a lot but i couldn’t quite shake the feeling that this was not written for me. that’s okay! i could still see how it might be impactful and, again, i liked the playing with tropes, but didn’t hit me the way i expected after seeing other people’s reactions.

5. the sunflower by simon wiesenthal - i tell everyone to read this book if they are interested in peacebuilding at all. it’s a good commentary on forgiveness. not much else to say except it’s fascinating.

and that’s all for now! i read 62 books and am trying to read 100 in the upcoming year (about 8 a month). my personal goal is at least one nonfiction a month, but my secret goal is two with one being more memoir and one being more informative. it was fun rediscovering how to read again and i’m hoping to continue that in 2025 :)

also for the record the worst book i read this year is the idea of you which is the one that anne hathaway starred in an adaptation of. absolutely terrible.

[xfangheartx]

My Mom has COVID...

God, why does this have to happen, now?