#Personal issues

[death---dealer]

Hiatus.

I said it before and I'll say it again; Transparency is important and I don't want to leave you guys waiting for another seven days. I will be taking a week hiatus starting tomorrow. I feel like we're all good friends here and can talk about vulnerability.

A few weeks ago, one of my brothers passed away and I have been whirling since. I barely know how to talk about it still, I can barely process that there is one less of my family and how vacant it fells to lose one of my best friends. I miss him and I miss him more and more everyday that passes. I don't feel like a whole person and it's been so hard for me to engage in anything other than sleeping and staring off into space. Writing has been lost to me, but I miss it and I want to come back I just need to will myself to properly take care of myself in order to do that and even that has been a struggle with what has happened this entire month. I've been snappy with people who don't deserve it, I've been irrational and angry at myself. Probably, so far, one of the worst months I experienced along with a handful of other things that happened all in a shortened period of time.

I know we joke around about my writing speed being godly, but I am just a human being with human emotions and struggles. I am struggling more than I have before and I'm crying as I write this to you all. Thank you for the previous messages of support and any of you willing to wait for me to come back, for anyone who has supported me through this month when I kept saying 'I'm coming back.' I will, I just need some time. I love you all, you're all so amazing and I've done nothing to deserve the kindness that you bless me with.

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

Pantera - Floods

[unhonestlymirror]

Out of topic but I hate it when there is a female character raised as a man, who is also forbidden from exploring her femininity, and when she logically wants to find out how it feels to be a woman and she clearly has gender dismorphia in an extremely intolerant and patriarchal society, and people say "OMG she's trans!!"

[redtippedfox]

So update, my classes this year are really hard and time consuming, I think I might be on hiatus for the time being as my classes are taking all my time and sanity up even though we’ve just started.

Everything is currently now on hold, sorry but I’m already struggling with these classes so I’m on hiatus now.

Thank you for your patience

[bigbrotherlouis]

who’s up thinking about soulmates (peter draisaitl and keith tkachuk played against each other in the olympics)

[come-chaos]

I finally started reading The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (better late than never) and so far I have learnt (among many other things) that one of the issues we traumatised people face is a failure to realise, well, this:

We were traumatised in part because we experienced helplessness, and now we're stuck believing that we're still helpless. But that isn't true. I know the meme is ridiculous, but I'm seriously contemplating printing it out and sticking it to my fridge at this point.

Personal example: I was triggered by a conversation topic at a dinner with coworkers about a year ago. When I afterward described what had happened to my therapist, she explained that it would have been perfectly acceptable for me to simply excuse myself and go visit the bathroom for a minute. A solution that literally hadn't occurred to me until she mentioned it. I had been convinced my fate was to sit at that table with a fake smile plastered on my face and suffocate inside for all eternity and that there was nothing I could do about it.

"I can leave" can be a pretty revolutionary realisation.

[monstersinthecosmos]

sorry I’m just really down bad for the god of the grove 🤧

[nictelsm]

Obnoxiously and Conveniently Venting Over Personal Issues Because I Have to Part 1

I'm pretty ignorant. I'm critical against a lot of things, I'm pretty intolerant, and I'm really idolent.

I'm inexperienced, I have a small variety of interests (mostly occupied by Andrew Hussie's works) and I think I'm going insane.

I sometimes can't handle opinions and often never precisely remember things that others think are important. My short term memory boosts these issues to another extent. May I inform my mind has been rotten?

Of course, I think what I've been diagnosed with at a young age is a disability and not a speciality or a personality quirk (seriously, what the hell?), because it might've given me issues I've rarely gotten to notice or might could notice at some point in my life.

I'm socially inept. My parents are afraid that if I meet someone in real life, I would be glad to hurt him or her. And I would, sadly.

The key thing to do when first meeting someone is to not be intimidating or dangerous, otherwise your client would run off ignoring you. But I can't even do it.

I'm acting like a lolcow on the internet. I can't even bother to act like a normal person because I've been demolishing my psychosis with endless re-runs of True Capitalist Radio, host of which inspired me to be who I am at my teenage years (he's an angry conservative mind you).

Most notable of all, I'm terminally online, but I only go to 4 websites. YouTube, DeviantArt, only one subreddit, and this very hellsite.

Not to mention, am I an attention seeker too? You can tell by this very post.

I need help. I don't want that hippie shit or anything that's overly positive and too sappy. I want ground truth. Not from people who obsess over their horoscopes or people with lousy opinions.

I want advice.

[bloody-revenge-days]

How has things been

So... Hi. I hope you guys are doing well

.

I'm kind of afraid to share this with you but... here it is :

.

This blog is now a ghost town and I've kind of forgotten it existed, not gonna lie. And it's very close from the end of the year so... Bloody Revenge Days update for late 2023 is not a really bad thing, let's say.

For those wondering what's going on with Bloodstained, well unfortunately I lost interest as time went on, and by the way at the time it was just me trying to make things work out with the ideas I had. I had very little help to execute it (and writing is not my best thing, I'll be honest with that). Also lost interest with Bloody Bunny in general because one, updates are painfully slow and two, I just moved on... naturally, and got other interests. And I also kind of matured.

And I'll be honest, 2023 was a year where I was really not in my place.

For those who only know the bloody revenge days facette, I must admit that I was very very low. I mean it by the way, because Twitter. Cause you know, Twitter and anger issues is not a really good cocktail. So I did what was the best option, and it was to just log off completely. And that after a heated argument I told myself it was time to get the fuck out that place immediately before I get worse. And also I am considering getting help with said anger issues cause this is really not it. I've argued with my friends a lot and now I'm in good terms with them again after logging off that site and taking a break from the friend group. And I've been feeling pretty much better after that. Still not perfect but I can feel a sense of improvement within me

So yeah, revealing a more personal side of myself and feeling kind of shameful about it, let me tell you something about Bloody Bunny.

I am feeling like 2Spot really doesn't care about Bloody Bunny or its story or at least not enough to use it outside merchandising (or doing the good ol' Hasbro technique as I like to say it) And it sucks to me because fans like me wanted more to The First Blood or the game they released in 2021, and what did they do ? Those millenial humor posts with their imagery slapped onto it and NFTs. and it really sucks. This only proved to me that 2Spot really doesn't give a shit about their beloved IP and only wanted money. And with that in consideration I kind of understand why I lost interest in Bloodstained and this blog (aside from my attention getting all over places) and why I lost interest with Bloody Bunny in general

All I can see now is a story of fans dealing with a company's corporate greed and lack of interest for the IPs they make. And it makes me really sad.

So is this the end of Bloodstained and Bloody revenge days ?

Well, Bloodstained is already scrapped so... I don't see a lot of hopes in reviving the project.

For Bloody Revenge Days, the tumblr blog will still exist but will be in a state of archive so I won't be posting here unless I see legitimate news for Bloody Bunny but at this point it's too late.

So I won't be posting here and... yeah.

Still, thanks to all who came here to see this blog as imperfect as it is, my theories, my art, my posts, thanks for all of the the support, and I wish you a delightful new year and a better year for 2024.

.

.

-soursweetfoo

[glitchyko]

Alright, so I feel like I need to say something about this since it has been on my mind for a long while and I want to address it.

I want to say I’m sorry for the times when I said I want/will draw something and then just never doing it. I feel bad for setting something up only to never fulfill it. I feel like I’m a liar and I’m just lazy, that I let myself down and failed, even though I know there’s circumstances in my life that make it difficult to do some of the things I wish to do. Things such as ADHD, school, mental health, and other things going on in my life. But I’ve been trying to get better at managing my time, getting things done faster, be more productive, and keep working on my art and perfectionism issues.

I want to do better, I want to actually be able to do and show the stories, aus, ocs, etc, that I constantly say that I think about and want to share with you guys. I want to become better as an artist and writer, and I don’t want to keep being scared to do things I want to do because of perfectionism to a point where I just can’t do anything out of fear of it looking bad and not meeting my unrealistically high standards.

I’m not completely sure where I’m going with this vent talk to be honest, I know I can’t guarantee changes and such immediately, and I don’t want to force myself to work on art stuff just to pump something out on social media as quickly as possible. That is not why I create, and to be honest that sounds like a recipe for burnout, more confidence issues, and not having fun with art anymore. I think what I’m trying to say is, I’m going to try to do things instead of just saying and thinking I want to do something and never doing it.

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

Dokken - Breakin' the Chains

[sweetfreedom2107]

She doesn't need demons to haunt her, she has herself.

[chronicsheepdrawing]

Sorry everyone! I had to take a break due to my mental health and didn't have access to my electronics- I think I should be back now!

[bigbrotherlouis]

in a great many senses, being thoroughly and fully embedded in fanfiction for a decade has done wonders for my writing - i think the constant feedback helped me find my voice well, i've learned some of my writing weaknesses and how to mitigate those, i've been able to play with style and form and syntax in a really safe environment. i still can experiment whenever i want, i can mimic my favourite authors in a way that allows me to learn what i like while making it my own, and figure out how to make it work for me, then try something completely different the next piece. it's so valuable and i think underappreciated in the writing/fic writing communities.

however! in dipping my feet back into original fiction (and i mean original. no converting fic or using half-baked fic premises also not for a class) i have had to unlearn some bad habits. namely among them, that i can get things done in one and a half drafts. i've been increasingly frustrated with myself that this original piece does not have the worldbuilding established like it should because i am having to create the world from scratch, without anything to rest it upon. i am having to remember that the first draft is really a discovery. i am learning things about my story as i write, because the only place it exists is in my own head. and that's hard for me! it's also hard having to keep going instead of going back to fix everything, because as i discover, i leave holes where the foundation will go later.

it's a process! a frustrating process! a frustrating process that i have forgotten how to navigate a little bit because i've been happily cutting my teeth on fanfiction. but i'm having fun. ish.

[come-chaos]

Ugh, I got stuck badly in a flashback today.

Went to work in the office for the third time since my vacation ended. I was extremely tired, but didn't think I would need my anxiety meds, which I have to be super restrictive with anyway, so I didn't take them. Work day went okay, although I spent an hour or so after lunch trying calm myself down, feeling like I'd made an ass of myself in my interaction with my coworkers.

After work, I went to a therapy appointment, which is where the flashback started. I guess I had unknowingly primed myself for it during lunch at work, engaging in a topic I maybe wasn't as comfortable with as I thought, and when my therapist asked one of her standard questions, that was it. After a while, I just ended up going fully mute and had to sit there and blink awkwardly and communicate through hoarse little hums until my therapist managed to get me sorted out.

On the bright side, I used to have these flashbacks constantly. I mean constantly. And now I don't. It's actually been a while. So while this was a setback, it did remind me of how much progress I've made.

It's fucking shit that I have to keep subjecting myself to these levels of stress, though. I should not be going to work when I'm like this.

Also, I would really like it for this flashback to go away now. It's shrunk into something I can manage, but I have so not missed being in this state for hours on end.

(Anyway, it's clearly possible to get better, because despite today's events, I have. So if someone out there is scrolling the c ptsd tag today or whatever, here's me saying it's possible to get better.)

[xfangheartx]

My Mom has COVID...

God, why does this have to happen, now?