#Perfect CV

[xtruss]

How To Write The Perfect CV? A Job Applicant Walks Into A Bar

— May 30th 2024

Illustration: Paul Blow

Imagine meeting a stranger at a party. What makes for a successful encounter? Lesson one is to heed the wisdom of a shampoo commercial from the 1980s: you never get a second chance to make a first impression. Lesson two is to remember that you do not need to wear a beret or a fur stole in order to stand out. Lesson three is not to forget that what you leave out matters as much as what you say.

These same principles, it turns out, apply to writing a cv. A résumé is not a list of every job you ever had. It is not your autobiography. It is, like that hair-care advert, a marketing tool. Your audience is made up of recruiters and hiring managers. Like cocktail-party guests, they do not take a long time to decide if they want to keep talking. According to one study, such professionals spend an average of 7.4 seconds skimming a job application. Your guest Bartleby has a few tips on how best to ensure that these seconds count.

The cv’s number-one task is not to put the reader off. If you are thinking of adding a watermark with your initials, think again; you are trying too hard. Use a clean, simple format and avoid fancy fonts (Arial or Helvetica are fine; Century Gothic is not).

Adding colour does not mean using a teal background. Nor does it mean using purple prose. Clichés can be a reason you are passed over for an interview. So can typos; spell-check and proofread over and over. You would be surprised how often someone forgets to include their name and contact details. Dispense with hackneyed descriptors (“cultivated and passionate professional”, “a keen eye for detail”)—facts should speak for themselves. But not all facts. You may think including your ranking on “Overwatch” is a quirky way to illustrate how quick you are on your feet. A recruiter may conclude that it shows you spend hours on the sofa tethered to a gaming console.

Do not hammer your cv out in an hour—take your time to polish it. Condense, filter and distil until what you are left with captures the essence of you. Anyone’s cv can fit on a page, even if you have held residencies in the world’s eight top hospitals or are Christine Lagarde. Forget the personal statement—no one has time for that. If you spent three weeks in the summer when you were 17 keeping the books in your uncle’s hardware store, no one needs to know that if you are now over the age of 25. The older you get, the more you should prioritise work experience over education.

Tailor your résumé for every application by making the relevant tweaks and highlighting different areas. Otherwise you are like the bore who tells the same story to every person he meets. Not everyone—and not every recruiter—is interested in the same things. If you can quantify an accomplishment, do. A second-year law student who just completed his summer internship having worked on six m&a deals? Put that in.

Reasonable gaps in a résumé are not cause for concern. Life happens and sometimes people take time off; you do not have to explain that you spent three months between jobs hiking around Machu Picchu to clear your head and recharge your batteries. A ten-year gap from the workforce may be another matter. So might constant job-switching, which is as much of a red flag to recruiters as admitting to never having had a long-term relationship might be to a stranger at a party. But if this describes your work history then you probably have bigger problems that a cv alone, no matter how masterful, will not fix.

Once you have sent your application, refrain from emailing prospective employers to see if they received it. You risk coming across as that annoying person who texts to see if their previous texts have got through.

In his commencement address at Kenyon College in 2005, David Foster Wallace, an American novelist, used the metaphor of fish oblivious to the element surrounding them in order to point to the dangers of the “natural, hard-wired, default setting which is to be deeply and literally self-centred”. Your life, he implied, should illustrate an acute awareness of the outside world. So should your cv. Drafting a presentation of your skills and achievements will inevitably reflect the sovereignty and self-absorption of your “skull-sized kingdom”, as Wallace described it. So as you launch yourself into the job market, follow his counsel to young graduates to try always to be aware of their place in the greater scheme of things: “This is water…this is water.” ■

[apparently-artless]

Gokurakugai Volume 4 PV by JUMP SQ - Saotome Tao [CV: Kobayashi Yuu]

[angxlicbliss]

I will never be enough for myself, I’ll always be fat

[mono-blogs-art]

LMAO they're doing a stageplay adaption of the "Kageki Shoujo" anime that aired a while ago, and they cast Sato Hinata and Takahashi Karin (Junna and Sakura, respectively) from Revue Starlight in it. So fucking based lmao

[hydrodragons]

i think i can finally say im satisfied with my kinich build 😭🫶🏻

also plugging my build page while we're at it

[sexysilverstrider]

Slumber | VLKR

   Sunlight poured soothingly through the windowpane. Faint sounds of people walking about and louder sounds of Pokémon prancing around the house shook the woman awake. Low grumbles tickled her lips. Twitching at the ray of sun kissing her eyelids, Akari rubbed one eye before slowly sitting up.

   Arms stretched upwards, she let out a yawn. Sleeves of her jinbei slid downwards. Black strands hair cascaded forward as she tilted her head forward.

   Ah, I’m so lazy, the thought crossed her mind. In truth, she would rather take a few more hours of sleep. However, she knew her work would not accept her in doing so. As much as she was the hero of the village, she wasn’t excused from working in order to survive. Besides, Akari knew better than to bear Commander Kamado’s ruthless scoldings or incite Cyllene’s quiet fury.

   Black eyes peeked at the man beside her.

   He peacefully snoozed, face snuggled inside the hadakake futon. Though blonde strands covered most of his eyes, Akari could see such a serene expression. The man lay on his left side, facing her. She wondered if he ever moved in his sleep considering that the only movement from him was that he had scooted an inch backwards after snuggling with her last night.

   Ah, her cheeks burned at the memory.

   A smile tugged her mouth.

   At times like these, her heart truly fluttered for him.

   “Alright then…” mumbling to herself, Akari carefully lifted her side of the quilt and slid out—

   Or at least, she tried to, if not for her right wrist being firmly gripped.

   Her smile popped to a gape. Akari turned to the right. “Volo?!” Shock roused her awake. Widened eyes blinked at her held wrist, then at the man whose face was still hidden beneath the quilt.

   He muttered not a word, but grumbled a low grumble.

   After years of being together, she knew what it meant completely.

   “Volo…” a sigh escaped through pink lips. “I need to get ready. I need to go to Veilstone Cape today and I can’t afford to be late.” Lightly, she tugged her left hand.

   Firmly, he held her right wrist still.

   Surprise bubbled into annoyance. “Volo.” Again, she called his name. “Come on. If I’m late, I’m gonna get scolded. Do you want me to get scolded?” Mean as she was to try and guilt trip him, Akari found her actions justified as she saw him not easing up on his hold.

   He still didn’t say a peep. He still had his face hidden.

   What she once thought was cute a minute ago now started to irritate her. “Volo—!”

   “Stay…”

   The very spark of her anger dissolved in an instant once she heard his low voice.

   His hand lowered from her wrist to the back of her hand. Fingers gingerly brushed the back of it. Mumbling incoherent noises, Volo positioned his hand so that he could hold hers properly. Fingers squeezed around the sides of her fingers. Gently. Softly.

   Finally, Volo lowered the quilt.

   Grey eyes glazed in a mix of slumber and affection. Volo peeked upwards at the stunned women. “Please stay…” he pleaded, voice deep and husky. Though left eye hidden behind blonde locks, Volo quietly begged with a glance of his right eye. Blush kissed his cheeks too, shading adorably under his eyes. Whether or not his actions were done subconsciously, he gently pulled her right hand and pressed a meek kiss at the back of her fingers.

   The sight and sound alone were robbing her of air.

   As if an arrow had shot straight to the screaming heart, Akari tightly pursed her mouth before letting out a heavy sigh. Heat now burning to the tips of her ears, she stifled a low, low, moan that vibrated in her throat.

   Damn him. Damn him, damn him!

   “F-Fine…” Knowing she was fighting a losing battle, Akari slid back into the futon. She could worry about the consequences later.

   Hell, she didn’t need to worry about anything at all once she felt her body being pulled to a warm hug.

   “Mmm…” Mouth tickled to a brief smile. Volo pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Akari…” Her name slurred in a deep murmur, he then nuzzled the top of her head. Right arm draped around her waist, pulling her to a possessive embrace that showed no signs of letting go anytime soon. Within seconds, he fell back into deep sleep, breathing tickling the tip of her still burning ear.

   Ah, I’m so screwed, the thought crossed her mind. Still, she couldn’t be angry as Akari scooted closer into his warm chest. His heart seemed to race still, actually lulling her back to a world of dreams.

  A shaky smile accompanied her hot face as Akari felt her eyelids droop.

END

[ashmp3]

unfortunately i think my divine punishment is to never feel happy confident pretty and normal

[jorvikzelda]

zelda jorvikzelda certified qualified official dad bod haver real not fake not clickbait

[mirrorsofwar]

@gutrage 👀

[milktian]

i have beaten code vein with the good ending yippee!!

i've put my final stuff under the cut. im gonna try and perfect it before starting a new playthrough, but it's gonna be hard letting go of the big bonk build.

i've been really into strength builds recently which is wild cause im usually a dex or magic user dfsglksjdgl once you go bonk you never go back ig

side note: i never got the offhand weapon stuff so i kinda just put a bayonett in there so i could lure enemies away. it's a queenslayer bayonett+7 aside from that, my weapon (was the impulse anchor) felt like such a reward cause I struggled against mido like actually.

the final boss also gave me trouble but thanks to io quick healing me, I got there yippee. Aside from just being a bit awkward to fight in a small space, the camera really was out to get me.

i really liked code vein tho!! i picked it up cause i thought it would help me get over my fear of dark souls (for some reason im so overwhelmed playing them it's wild) and turns out it's one of my favourite games now.

there are some parts that uuuuh definitely bugged me (for some reason there are only like. two mistles max allowed in later sections, and even with shortcuts, made run backs so annoying).

Also knock-off anor londo wasn't bad you guys, I think you just hate mazes. provisional government outskirts + centre sucked way harder /lh

[1997eitheror]

somebody who’s better at talking about themselves come complete this job application for me please

[thisbluespirit]

James Maxwell in the BBC's First Night play anthology installment "How Many Angels," courtesy of the BNA & Hartlepool Northern Daily Mail 18 April 1964. The play was shown on BBC1 at 9.40pm that day.

[viaetor]

some job interviews never leave my head. [story in tags]

[loopyhoopywrites]

I swear job applications are specifically designed to torture autistic people

[meowmeowmessi]

do you ever think abt how messi's brand went to complete utter waste in psg

[asinglesock]

on the one hand I KNOW that this community director job at the school where I went for undergrad is probably a pretty miserable gig, BUT it's 18.75 an hour, plus a furnished apartment on campus (pets allowed!!) and a meal plan during the school year. which is actually not a lot considering how much time the job requires but I think I would thrive in those circumstances as long as the work wasn't unbearable.