#PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

[starsandsuch]

The “Dollface” Placements Of The Zodiac 👱‍♀️🎀🍭

The following are astrology placements that make one appear “doll like”. Typically girls seen as “flawless”, cutesy, adorable, sweet and “dollish “ or Barbie-like. Especially as it pertains to one’s facial features and physical appearance overall.

*the examples pictured are celebrities who have at least one or multiple of these placements*

P L A C E M E N T S

PISCES ASCENDANT🐟

They have a petite, delicate frame and tend to be smaller than average. They have doll-like features, emphasizing large wide set eyes that seem glassy and ethereal. They look dreamy and otherworldly, mimicking something you’d see in movie or cartoon. Their gaze seems distantly hollow, enhancing the impression of big empty innocent eyes dolls have.

They prefer doll-like hairstyles: sporting bangs, bows in their hair, ponytails etc

Sabrina Carpenter (Pisces asc), Jenna Ortega (Pisces asc), Barbara Palvin (Pisces Asc)

CANCER ASCENDANT 💐

These natives have the ultimate feminine appearance. They have round, softened features, devoid of harsh lines or angles. Their face is perfectly structured, having definition but remaining soft looking. Their skin is luminous and glowy, often with cool undertones , similar to the moon itself. They are delicate looking with graceful demeanor.

Twiggy (cancer asc), Angelina Jolie (cancer asc), Margot Robbie (cancer asc)

⭐️ JUPITER INFUENCE ⭐️

Jupiter was the most common pattern amongst the charts of women with this energy and physical expression. Especially Jupiter conjunct the luminaries or the ascendant. Jupiter Ruled signs: Sagittarius and Pisces were very prominent as well. Especially Sag/Pisces in the big 3 (Vedic placements) as well as Jupiter Atmakaraka.

Jupiter’s influence on a person makes them seem honorable, wholesome, trustworthy. Much how you’d perceive a doll to be innocent and child-friendly. They have features that are pleasant to look at and others often idealize them and what they represent. These natives become symbols for representing different aspects of femininity.

Jupiter Conjunct Ascendant / In The 1st House

Jupiter’s influence creates features that are prominent and well defined. Yet it also softens one appearance’s giving its natives a “dreamy” look about them. They look confident , healthy and picturesque.

Jupiter conjunct moon

This placement makes one seem innocent, wholesome and trustworthy. These natives have a sweetness to them, emphasizing and pleasant voice, speech and demeanor. It gives smooth and glowy skin that is glass-like.

Mercury in the 1st house

This placement makes one seems cutesy and adorable. Giving a demeanor that one is innocent and harmless. Physically they are petite and delicate. They have a youthful beauty about them, where people automatically see them as a girly girl.

VEDIC ASTRO PLACEMENTS

*this applies to Sun, Moon, Ascendant or Atamakaraka placement”

REVATI 🎀

Revati is THEE face of the “Dollface” aesthetic. From their fashion to the facial features, most of these natives have been compared to a Barbie doll or bratz doll at some point in their life. Claire Nakti posted about how Revati natives naturally look like bratz dolls.

Their nose is soft/rounded and blends in well with the rest of their face, where it’s natives seemingly don’t have nose bridge. They have wide set bright eyes that look innocent and curious. They have a natural pout to the lips and a pronounced Cupid’s bow.

Their skin appears glowy and radiant, giving them this unreal, fantasy-like aura. They seem naturally perfect like a doll.

Rihanna (Revati Moon & Ascendant)

PURVABHADRAPADA 💄

Purvabhadrapada women embody the Barbie girl look both physically and philosophically. Physically, they have well defined, sculpted features. They’re are usually proportionate head to toe and have natural symmetry to their face and body. They tend to look unique and dream-like, where people identify them with having the desirable feminine physical features.

Philosophically they align with what Barbie represents: being empowered, doing things on your own and looking good while doing it.

They are the idealized modern woman where they are very “girlboss” , but still remain s3xy and desirable to many. Hottie-girlboss-s3xy-angelic-independent-femme fatale is their multi hyphenate description. They are the girl’s girl that empower other women.

Lori Harvey (PBP moon) Jhene Aiko (PBP Moon) Latto (PBP Jupiter Atmakaraka)

PUNARVASU 🌻

These natives have large wide set eyes and overall feminine appearance. Their features are defined yet softened. They have clear smooth skin that is naturally luminescent. They appear distant and dreamlike, possessing otherworldly beauty. They seem to embody the ideal of what a “wife” looks like. (See examples: Margot robbie, Sharon Tate, Keke Palmer.)

PURVA ASHADA 🌊

Women with this Nakshatra have emphasized feminine features: curvy bodies, soft skin, and dainty disposition. They have a soothing demeanor , when others are around them they feel at ease and child like, much like how a girl would feel around her dolls.

Ariana Grande (Purva Ashadha ascendent, Jupiter conjunct moon)

PURVA PHALGUNI 💋

These natives have smooth skin and well sculpted features. They have practically perfect facial symmetry where the distance between their eyes-nose-brows-mouth is perfectly spaced. They oftentimes don’t wear much makeup and have a fresh faced doll like beauty and girly appearance.

People perceive them to have no physical flaws much like a doll would. They remain girly and youthful looking most of their lives.

Zendaya (Purva phalguni Sun), Beyonce (Purvaphalguni Sun), Sharon Tate (Purvaphalguni moon)

ROHINI 🍭

These natives embody the “babydoll” aesthetic. With large curious eyes and puckered lips, they’re usually described as adorable by others. Their voice is soft and babyish, enhancing their aura of femininity. They often appear helpless and delicate, people feel protective over them.

Lily rose depp (rohini sun), Brigitte Bardot (Rohini moon), Lauren London (rohini asc)

ASHLESHA 🐈‍⬛

Ashlesha features are known to be catlike and feminine. They tend to look “hyper-feminine” having lush thick shiny hair, curvy body, full lips, upturned eyes. Their nose is naturally sculpted and pointed, with high cheek bones and full cheek apples.

It’s thought that Barbie is the most idealized symbol of what a women looks like, and these women embody “Barbie” without trying. People tend to reference them when discussing what the ideal woman looks like.

The main theme of this Nakshatra is going from girl-hood to women-hood and being aligned with feminine energy. This essence is captured in trendy movements like “coquette” and “dollette”.

With the Mercury rulership, their overall appearance is delicate, and is often perceived as dainty and soft. They are petite and have small/pinched facial features. They seem innocent or angelic to others.

Alexa Demie (ashlesha asc), Brit Ekland (ashlesha moon and asc), Marilyn Monroe (Ashlesha Asc)

Ciao for now, dolls 💋

-starsandsuch ✌️💕

[niyasruledbyvenus]

Vedic/Sidereal Beauty

Venus and moon denotes beauty in vedic astrology. Rahu can also grant beauty/magnetism since it represents illusion.

Exalted/domicile or aspected by benefics—- Venus/moon/2h/7h= attractive face. Sun/5h Mars/1h= attractive body

Houses can apply for both Whole Signs & Placidus

Pisces, Virgo, Taurus, Libra, Capricorn, Leo, Cancer, Gemini, Sagittarius placements

Rohini, Uttara Ashadha, Chitra, Purva Ashadha, Pushya, Purva Phalguni, Uttara Phalguni, Revati, Ashlesha, Bharani, Purva Bhadrapada, Vishakha, Shravana, Dhanishtha, Mula

Venus in 1h/5h/2h/7h/10h,12h

Examples- Rihanna, Sridevi, Beyoncé/ Venus 1h, Christina Aguilera/ Venus 10th, Kate Moss/venus 7h, Ariana Grande/Venus 5h, Gigi Hadid/venus 12h

Moon in 1h/2h/4h/7h

Examples- Princess Diana/Moon in 7h, Michael Jackson/Moon in 1h, Jessica Alba/Moon in 7h, Emma Watson/Moon in 4h

Mars in 1st

Examples-Erykah Badu, Brooke Sheilds, Aaliyah, Kim Kardashian, Jane Russell

Rahu in 1st/7th

Examples- Doja cat/ Rahu 1h, Halle Berry/Rahu 1h, Lana Del Rey/Rahu 7h, Mila Kunis/Rahu 7h

Ketu in 1st

Examples- Megan thee Stallion, Miley Cyrus, Emma Stone, Lenny Kravitz

Taurus/libra/Cancer/ Leo/Capricorn/Pisces/virgo ascendant

Moon in Venus Nakshatras (Bharani, Purva Phalguni, Purva Ashadha)

Examples- Kelly Rowland, Lindsay Lohan/Bharani moon, Zoe Kravitz, Bella hadid/PP moon, Selena/PA Moon

Moon in Libra/taurus/cancer/pisces

Examples- Alain Delon/pisces Moon, Monica Bellucci/ Cancer moon, James Dean/libra moon, Lisa Bonet/ Taurus Moon

Moon in Vishakha, Chitra, Swati, Rohini, Mrigashira, Krittika, Pushya, Ashlesha, Mula

Examples- Nicholas Chavez/Pushya Moon, Megan fox/Ashlesha moon, Adriana Lima/ chitra moon, Kali Uchis/ Vishakha Moon

Venus in Pisces/Taurus/libra/ Leo/Aries/Scorpio

Arudha lagna

Arudha lagna with Venus/moon or AL lord is Venus/moon

Examples- Marilyn Monroe/Taurus AL Audrey Hepburn/Libra AL

Scorpio AL (femme fatale vibes, know for their sex appeal)

Examples- Angelina Jolie, Sharon Stone, Pamela Anderson

Aspects

*planetary aspects to moon/ascendant can influence appearance*

Venus-Rahu

Venus-Pluto

Venus-Neptune

Venus-Moon

Venus-Mars

Asc-Venus/moon/mars/Neptune/pluto/mercury

Sun-Jupiter (positive aspect)

Sun-Venus

Sun-Mercury (conjunct)

Yogas (planet combinations)

Chandra-Mangal Dhan Yoga: When the Moon and Mars are in conjunction

Shasha Yoga: When Saturn is in a kendra (angular house) from the Moon.

Dhan Yoga: When benefic planets are located in the second house (house of wealth and speech) or the eleventh house (house of gains)

Adhi Yoga: When benefic planets are in the sixth, seventh, or eighth houses from the Moon

Lakshmi Yoga: Venus is well-placed in a person's chart, particularly in a kendra or trine (1st, 4th, 7th, 10th, or 5th, 9th houses)

Bhadra Yoga: When Mercury is in a kendra (1st,4th,7th,10th) from the Moon.

Ruchaka Yoga: Formed when Mars is in its own sign (Aries or Scorpio) or in exaltation (Capricorn)

Hamsa Yoga: When Jupiter is in a kendra (1st,4th,7th,10th) from the Moon

[icanseethefuture333]

Random ass question, but what do you think is the best way for a 4/10 girl to become at least a 7 out of 10? I’m aware that “beauty is subjective” but I’m literally below average, 4/10 is being lenient for me lol

How to have confidence in your physical appearance 🎀

First of all sweetie,

let's not rate ourselves on a scale about how pretty we are! It's really degrading and I feel like you deserve so much better than that. Living in a generation where filters are oversaturated, people using AI to edit their photos, and incels with porn addictions and have never felt the touch of a woman, will call the most beautiful girl "mid". It's so understandable why one's self esteem can feel low at times. You need to change the way you talk about yourself (especially me). Beauty always start from within - as redundant as that sounds. You can't feel pretty if you're not focusing on the reason why you feel this way. A pretty soul (and self concept!) makes a prettier face. Moving on, let's get into the actual tips of a glow up 💖

Let's address the elephant in the room 🐘: you're not ugly, just acting pitiful

Have you ever wondered why you have seen those people who are considered "unattractive" or "unconventionallly pretty" by others be in successful relationships or popular with their peers? It's because they have confidence. Have you ever been attracted to someone that may not necessarily fit the beauty standards or be considered a jaw dropping model, but you thought they were cute anyways because of their personality or charm? That's exactly what I mean. You can be a pretty face or have a nice body, but have terrible self esteem. Living in California my whole life I come across this everyday. There is plenty of beautiful people here, but there is also a lot of people with no sense of humor and no offense, but have no personalities. In other words, you can be attractive, but superficial and boring.

To feel beautiful or more like a "10" even on your worst day is mainly having a good self concept. You need to think with the mindset of "I am the baddest bitch even on my worse days and nobody can make me feel different about that, not even me." Our concept can be changed, reshaped, rebuilt, morphed, etc, into any way we want it to be. Our self concept and dominant thoughts are created by our previous past experiences and what people have told us what we are. For example, if you were bullied in your youth and somebody picked on you for your features. Why would you give a fuck about what a bully thinks??? A person who humiliated and traumatized someone at a weak point in their life does not matter. Their opinion, their actions, their thoughts - doesn't matter. You can change yourself anytime you want, we are animals, we are literally mean to be apart of this cycle called life and our habits, attitudes, opinions, etc, can change at any moment. We are meant to grow and adapt. You get to decide who you are, what you feel, and how you wish people to perceive you. Nobody else. So when you repeatedly say things to people like "I'm not beautiful", they're gonna get tired of it honestly and be like "Yk what damn bitch I guess you are ugly!" because it gets tiring to hear someone complain about the same thing even when they just reassured them (again, I'm guilty of this too). So when you depend on someone to make you feel good about yourself, that's just codependency. You are also giving them the power to manipulate you. Don't do that. Be free and be independent, love yourself. It's your self esteem and you cannot be dependent on anybody else to fill that void you have within yourself.

As Katt Williams said, "It's the esteem of your motherfucking self!"

Why it's not your fault you don't 'feel" pretty

Like I said above, you are most likely a product of your surroundings. Most people are not raised by their parents to have good self esteem or to teach them how to be confident or emotionally secure. There are many environmental factors to insecurity and that it is okay if you are never 100% feeling confident about yourself. People in the media construct this ego to seem "cool" and act conceited as a way to avoid being seen as weak to society. You can be confident and also have insecurities. Confidence is just about being secure with the essence of who you are and setting boundaries when necessary with other people when it comes to that. A confident person doesn't tolerate disrespect.

"Conceited" or confident?: how to avoid confusing the two

I think the most irritating thing to me that is normalized these days is narcissism and conceited people. People will literally act boastful and cocky then say "I'm just confident". Behaving like a narcissist or saying that you are one is not cute and never will be because it's literally a personality disorder, a mental health condition. Everytime I hear this it makes me want to roll my eyes so far back into my head. Try to avoid being this person with a "God complex" because there's a difference between a person who is being loud and fake with "confidence". A real confident person makes moves in silence and is genuine with themselves. If you have to brag or put another person down to feel like hot shit, then you're not a confident person, period.

Tips to enhance your beauty

As I said before anon you are already a 10 in my eyes, but I understand how it feels to not feel pretty at times and we all have our days when we are looking "rough". Here are some self care tips I do that helps me feel pretty and pampered physically ✨️

Get some beauty sleep! This is not just a saying. When your body has time to rest it gives you time to reset & have more energy for the next day. Getting plenty of sleep helps prevent dark circles & puffy eyes as well. If you struggle with falling asleep spray lavender pillow spray, drink tea, or play asmr/soothing sounds.

Skincare & hygiene, this is such a crucial step that everyone should practice in their daily lives. All of us have different skin textures and when we neglect our skin it causes a dry, oily, or bumpy surfaces. Now skin texture is totally normal but if you notice the days where you are not washing your face frequently enough, your skin either looks dull, dirty, or you experience more pimples / acne breakouts. Not to mention how dirty we feel when our body is projecting a certain odor. You don't need to have an extravagant routine, but at least try to have about 4 hygienic products (soap, deodorant, lotion, & body spray/prrfume) and 4 skincare products (facial cleanser (I recommend double cleansing!), serum, SPF/Sunscreen, & face lotion).

Mirror work, saying affirmations in the mirror has proven to be helpful for people's self esteem & feeling more confident with their physical appearance.

Change your wardrobe! Start dressing for your body type & how your ideal self would. It might feel uncomfortable at first but you will feel so much more beautiful! You could try finding videos on tiktok of people with your body type to help (for example, if you are plus sized, you could search your desired aesthetic & find people with the same shape as you).

Detox from social media 📱, learn when it is time to take a break from your phone & engage with the real world. Scrolling for hours on your phone can be really harmful especially if you're reading negative comments or watching videos that are self depreciating.

Follow people who uplift you, not tear you down. If you are following people who obviously are negative or affect your self esteem somehow, then you do not need to be supporting them.

Make appointments! Whether that is a doctor appointment or lash, nail, or hair appointments. Take care of your mind, health, and body. You could ask your doctor what vitamins you should take or also seek a counselor/therapist to find the root of your insecurities in a safe place. Also sometimes just getting my hair or nails done makes me feel more confident!

Learn to treat yourself. Buy yourself flowers or a gift you always wanted but never received. This could be anything, it doesn't necessarily mean to spend money. For example, cooking your favorite food, having a lazy day, etc. Remember that you deserve to be happy!

Lastly, beauty spells, glamour magick, and manifestation are popular methods for people who wish to enhance their physical appearance. I do all of these myself and I always feel so hot afterwards!

I hope you found these tips helpful beautiful ♡!

[astrologged]

Physical appearance of the signs

Sun | Ascendant | Midheaven

Aries: Are often associated with a lean and athletic build, with a prominent forehead, high cheekbones and a broad neck. They may also have sharp and angular facial features, with a strong jawline and expressive eyes. They often have a confident and bold demeanor, which can be reflected in their physical appearance.

Taurus: Are often associated with a sturdy and robust build and may have a rounder and fuller face, with soft features such as full cheeks, sensual lips and a rounded nosetip and deep, penetrating eyes. They have a calm, grounded and soft demeanor, which can be reflected in their physical appearance. The Venusian energy can manifest in the person's physical appearance, making them appear beautiful to others.

Gemini: Have a more slender and athletic build, with long limbs and a youthful appearance. They may also have a more expressive and angular face, with a prominent nose and sharp features. They tend to have a bigger, more prominent upper lip and are very expressive with their hands. They have a curious and talkative demeanor, which can be reflected in their physical appearance.

Cancer: have a softer and rounder appearance, with a tendency to gain weight in the hips and thighs. They may also have a fuller, rounder face with gentle features, and large and expressive, sometimes watery eyes. They’re known for their nurturing and empathetic personalities, which can be reflected in their physical appearance. 

Leo: Tend to have a strong and confident appearance, with a more prominent and dramatic bone structure and big and/or full hair, they are prone to gaining weight on the lower side of the face. Males with a Leo ascendant might suffer from loss of hair early on. Overall Leo has a charismatic and outgoing demeanor, which can also be reflected in their physical appearance.

Virgo: Tend to have a more refined and delicate appearance, with a slender and angular bone structure, with a lean and toned build. They may have a more angular and symmetrical face, with a high forehead and a straight nose, and are very expressive with their hands. They ave a reserved and analytical demeanor, which can also be reflected in their physical appearance. They tend to look younger than their actual age.

Libra: Tend to have a balanced and symmetrical appearance, with a more refined and attractive bone structure. Their bodies are balanced and proportionate. They have a charming and diplomatic demeanor, which can be reflected in their physical appearance. The Venusian energy can manifest in the person's physical appearance, making them appear beautiful to others.

Scorpio: Tend to have an intense and magnetic appearance, with a more angular and defined bone structure and a sharp, sometimes angular nose with deep and penetrating eyes. They have a mysterious and passionate demeanor, which can be reflected in their physical appearance.

Sagittarius: Tend to have a more athletic and adventurous appearance, with a more elongated and lean bone structure. They often have a more expressive and animated face, with a prominent forehead and bright, friendly eyes. They have a playful, outgoing and independent demeanor, which is reflected in their physical appearance.

Capricorn: Tend to have a more serious and mature appearance, with a more prominent and structured bone structure with a square jawline and more serious looking eyes. They’re usually of average size, quite proportionate. They have a disciplined and ambitious demeanor, which is also reflected in their physical appearance.

Aquarius: Are often associated with a more unique appearance, with a tendency towards a lean and angular build. They have a striking and expressive face, with high cheekbones and piercing eyes. They prefer to look authentic and often decide to wear unconventional clothes. They have an independent and innovative demeanor, which can also be reflected in their physical appearance.

Pisces: Tend to have a more dreamy and ethereal appearance, with a softer and more delicate bone structure and oftentimes a pale skin. They may have a more gentle and sensitive face, with large and expressive watery eyes. They have a compassionate and artistic demeanor, which is often reflected in their physical appearance.

[fugamalefica]

Bellatrix is 176cm tall and 110cm of that is legs, and Voldemort loves her legs.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hi INFJ here. I have self-worth issues probably due to being small and petite. I'm shorter than most of my family members and many people on the street. This makes me feel insecure and unable to defend and protect myself or loved ones and look efficient and trustable. One reason is that I think it can make me an easier target to take advantage of, insult, boss, dominate, threaten, harm, punch, fight, not take seriously or disrespect.

I generally try to be peaceful and nice or at least neutral to people. But occasionally I face people or situations where I may be disrespected, insulted or provoked in some way. Or situation where I have to choose to stand my ground or be a pushover.

The problem is that I am not confident in my abilities to handle these kinds of situations correctly, and usually engage in avoidant strategies and then later ruminating and self-blaming.

In awkward situations like rude drivers or road rage, rude clerks or office workers, mean coworkers or etc, I try to convince myself that avoiding confrontation is the best and the safest. Cause I never know what these people could do. Also, having a confrontation or standing my ground may cause a terrible emotional reaction in me, which can stay in my mind as a traumatic memory forever, and it may also change people's impression of me which I may regret. Or the person may find me an easy target due to my small built and may start attacking and beating me.

I wish I were taller, stronger and more charismatic, so people wouldn't dare doing any of those things to me. I also wish I could be better at confrontation, awkward feelings, handling interpersonal issues, insults or mean people correctly.

My mind is often occupied with these kinds of thoughts and regrets. Seeing other people being used or disrespected, hearing their stories, or watching movie characters being bullied, abused, beaten or not being able to stand their ground triggers or aggravates these thinking patterns and makes me more anxious.

Even my family members want me to be more confrontational and assertive or even a bit aggressive.

So, I think my interpersonal skills are not enough for adult life. Here's why :

1_ I'm small-built and also shy and introvert, which probably makes people think of as an easier and weaker target. And I wouldn't be able to defend myself against a taller and stronger person.

2_ I'm afraid of my awkward emotional reaction towards people yelling at me or insulting me. But avoiding confrontations and not standing my ground can also make me blame myself.

3_ I tend to care about fairness, and lack of it within the society can make me furious. But society and people are not always fair.

4_ I care about what other people might think or say behind my back, and its impact on my reputation or future. So by people-pleasing or at least not bothering people, even if it means not defending or asserting myself, I try to stay under the radar.

5_ And I don't really know when I should just let it go and de-escalate or keep quiet, avoid, stand my ground, fight back, insult back, etc.

I have read books, watched youtube videos, but I still haven't been able to fix this problem or change myself. I sometimes think it means I might have mild autism and these deficits can never be fixed. Other times I relate it to high Fe and low Se (due to being an INFJ).

I really need your help. Where and how should I start?

----------------------

Do you know the story of The Ugly Duckling? I interpret the story as being about perception, specifically, how easy it is for perception to be wrong, as well as how quickly a minor flaw in perception can escalate into a majorly faulty belief system. It sounds like your perception has been distorted and now you hold faulty beliefs that need to be corrected. Since you lack self-confidence, you tend to catastrophize - your mind always jumps to the worst possibilities.

You say self-worth issues are "due to" being petite. This is a faulty belief. If being petite causes low self-worth, one would expect every petite person to have low self-worth. Is that the case? Not at all. A lot of people are below average height and live fine. In fact, you'd be surprised at how many well-known people are/were actually quite small in stature, just off the top of my head: Gandhi, Prince, Danny Devito, Sabrina Carpenter, Peter Dinklage, Judy Garland.

If being petite is not the actual cause of low self-worth, then what is? "Worth" relates to the method you use to make value judgments, so if you are always coming to unreasonably negative judgments about yourself, there is a problem with your value system. Do you believe that a below average sized person has less value than an average or above average sized person? You must believe it, otherwise, you wouldn't think that you are worth less than others, and you would not wish to be bigger and taller in order to be worth more.

Perhaps you don't personally believe that petite people have no value, so you claim that it is "society" which believes they have no value, and you are a victim of society. Is that true, though? Or is this another faulty belief? You said smaller people get bullied because they are easier targets, so, it's not because they are worthless - that's an important difference. Bullies chose you because they couldn't handle someone their own size or bigger. Therefore, the bullying did not have any relation to your self-worth; what it actually reflected was the bully's cowardice.

Why is it that many petite people don't get bullied? Some of it is down to luck; perhaps you've been unlucky in meeting lots of jerks throughout life. But some of it is down to your attitude. The impression that you leave on people plays a big role in how they approach you. For example, when you look down upon yourself, you teach others that it's okay to look down upon you too.

If you are always anxious and cowering in fear, treating every person as a potential threat, what does that communicate to people? Unfortunately, it communicates that you are an easy target. If you are always expecting to get dominated and bullied, you're more likely to attract bullies to your doorstep. Physical size isn't actually as important a factor as how you present yourself to people. When INFJs haven't developed Fe properly, they don't have a realistic view of how they come across to others.

Don't get me wrong, this isn't about blaming the victim. The people who bullied you were wrong. You don't deserve mistreatment. The problem is that bullying is a form of trauma, and trauma distorts the mind. It makes you hypersensitive to social threats, even seeing threats where there are none. And it also makes you hypersensitive to the things that you were bullied about, in this case, your physical size.

The other day, I had to hire someone to do household repairs. On the day of the repair, this tall dude arrives and could barely fit through the door. As he was walking down some stairs, he bumped his head on a lower part of the ceiling that he didn't notice because he was carrying a lot of tools. I felt so bad for him and I tried to monitor his head safety thereafter. Unfortunately, he's had lots of experience hitting his head on various things.

With your past experience, all you can see is how being petite is a "deficiency". As such, envy blinds you to the possibility that being larger can be a curse and being petite can actually be a gift. This repair guy was often admired for his stature, but he actually viewed his tallness as a "deficiency" all his life. From his perspective, smaller people have a great life because they don't always feel like they're in the way and can easily fit comfortably into any space.

Everyone has sore spots. Sore spots are things you feel insecure or hypersensitive about because of a perceived (psychological or physical) deficit. However, what you haven't understood is that what gets classified as a "deficit" is often a mere matter of perspective. The lesson of The Ugly Duckling story is that his perception of himself was wrong because he had been misled to believe that he was abnormal and deficient by others. This story teaches you that what one person experiences as a "deficiency", another person might experience as an "advantage".

Thus, the key to overcoming your hypersensitivity is to learn how to change your perspective, aka cognitive restructuring, which is something Ni+Fe can easily do. If you can't do it, then it indicates there's something awry with your function development (unhealthy Ni tunnel vision + Fe overindulgence). Your perspective seems very small and very rigid, so it's time to expand and adjust it.

Sure, people can be mean, and society can lead people to value the wrong things, and that's what you focus all your attention on. However, most people aren't mean, and society can't touch your personal values within. You always have a choice as to i) how you respond to mean people, if at all, and ii) whether you adopt the twisted values that society tries to inculcate in you. An important aspect of growing up into a full-fledged adult is learning how to think for yourself, which includes being able to challenge and change faulty beliefs/values and adjust your perspective as necessary to get closer to the truth.

Being bullied often keeps people trapped like a child, feeling helpless and powerless. "Power" doesn't come primarily from physical size, rather, it comes from the mental belief in yourself. Instead of getting lost in victim mentality, acknowledge that there are things within your power to change that would improve your situation. You said yourself that you lack interpersonal skills. Well, I have good news for you: skills can be improved through step-by-step learning, study, and practice. Start with whatever seems most pressing for you, perhaps enlist the help of a therapist. For example, I have discussed most of the following before in relation to developing healthy Fe in INFJs:

emotional intelligence: you could learn how to handle your feelings and emotions better, in order to communicate about them in a more reasonable and matter-of-fact way

optimism: you could learn to approach people in an empathetic and encouraging way, with positive expectations, in order to influence them to be positive to you in return

assertiveness: you could adjust your values to believe that you are equal to everyone else and that your existence is just as legitimate as anyone else's, which would help you stand up and advocate for your needs better

self-confidence: you could improve your communication and conflict resolution skills, which would help you feel more confident and exercise better judgment during social interactions

self-defense: although the majority of people aren't physically violent unless extremely provoked, it might help you feel more physically powerful and better prepared for confrontation by learning self-defense or martial arts

social support network: you could expand your network of friends and supporters so that you feel less alone and have people to rely on in times of stress or danger

self-work: you could use other successful petite people as inspirational role models; observe how they succeed in commanding respect and admiration and learn some lessons about how to show people the best of yourself, rather than only focusing on what you hate about yourself

It is a fact that you are petite, and facts should be met with acceptance. Trying to deny the facts will only get you lost in wishful thinking (unhealthy Ni), as well as the toxic shame of an inferiority complex (unhealthy Fe). Once you're able to accept the facts, then your mind can move forward into adopting adaptation strategies. No matter what your sore spots are, it is important to understand that they are not a curse and they are not meant to ruin your life. Confronting your sore spots and learning to live with them successfully is precisely how you grow as a person. However, you won't be able to benefit from your sore spots as long as you keep trying to reject them and wish them away. They are an important part of you. Improving self-worth means learning to accept and love yourself, which means ALL of yourself.

[girl4music]

Can I just say something about the whole Waverly hair controversy? The big deal made about it with Waverly having short hair in ‘Vengeance’ because Dom does.

Throughout WayHaught’s entire evolution Waverly and Nicole have swapped over with the long hair/short hair. Neither have truly been the roles of the “the girly girl” or the “tomboy” all the time when it comes to their physical appearance or aesthetic. Again - this is the same with Xena and Gabrielle where they both take turns with being the “femme” and the “butch” in the dynamic and in the “stereotypical gender roles”.

That’s what it is. It’s a stereotype. It’s not even what most real females look like or sound like or feel like. Who really cares about their physical appearance?

They’re still women. They’re still warriors.

Still heroes. Still wives. Still lovers.

Why does it matter for either of them to have a specific appearance? Why does it matter which one has long hair/short hair at all times or at any one time?

It doesn’t. It really doesn’t. If anything - it just makes them even more real as individuals and as a dynamic that all of this changes and fluctuates about them depending on where they’re at in their lives and what stories there are to tell with them, what developments are to come for them,…

it’s kind of the whole point of them to be honest. So what are you watching for if it bothers you that much?

You know the great thing about same-sex ships and WLW ships in particular is that they share the visuals.

I find this majorly appealing in Xena and Gabrielle. So therefore I also find it very appealing in WayHaught.

I don’t like gender roles and stereotypes… but if I have to have them in TV art/entertainment, I like them to be shared out and equalized between the characters because I like to see how they affect each other to the point where their appearance changes because they’re different people now. Their energies change. Their lives change. Their reality changes. It’s how it is.

We change with the world and the world changes with us simultaneously. That’s the dynamic we have with it.

And any characters in a romantic/sexual relationship in TV art/entertainment representing the truth of that is worth all my time, attention, energy and money.

Yeah, Waverly and Nicole are fictional characters with particular visuals to them but they’re representing real people… so why on earth do you want them to look the same all the time? Isn’t it better for them to not to?

[yourlovelyspace]

I'll love you forever 💝

[thepastisalreadywritten]

Speciēs corporis — An Illustration of Physical Appearance in Latin

[asktheheirofslytherin]

when i first saw Delphi in the cursed child, she had silver hair and blue tips, i didn't know if that was dyed or she's albino, since you and bella have black hair, i thought blonde was delphi's natural hair, is your daughter albino?

Delphini looks extremely similar to Bella and I. She has naturally dark, curly hair and her mother's eyes.

I imagine the Delphini in this fictional account of her life had altered her appearance so that the familial resemblance would not be too obvious to those who were familiar with her mother's face.

[black-suns-rim]

The Loreirrans - regional appearance and subspecies

it is time that i finally make a big post about my original alien species, the Loreirrans! keep in mind that i have been world-building about them for about 5 years now, so i have so much information about them that i'll need to post in sections. This post will focus on the diverse appearances the Loreirrans take and a couple of the subspecies that exist.

General Physical Appearance

Appearance of the Loreirrans

The Loreirrans are a captivating and ancient species, distinguished by their unique physical characteristics. These highly intelligent, bipedal humanoids possess a striking appearance, and their attributes vary depending on their age, environment, and reproductive state.

Height and Physique: Loreirrans exhibit a remarkable range in height, typically standing between 8 to 12 feet tall. In rare instances, some Loreirrans can grow even taller, reaching heights of 15 feet or more. Their body types, from slender to robust, are influenced by the environmental conditions of their habitat, and their fur varies from short peach fuzz to long and lush, offering insulation and camouflage.

Coloration: The coloration of Loreirrans is predominantly dark, serving as effective natural camouflage. However, their bodies are adorned with vibrant neon patches that appear on their joints, backs, and the undersides of their feet and hands. These bright accents contrast beautifully with their dark base color and are influenced by their specific environment.

Limbs and Digits: Loreirrans possess five fingers on each hand and two toes on each foot, except for those residing in the swamp and jungle regions, who boast a unique third toe, functioning like a dew claw. Their hands and feet are highly dexterous, facilitating complex tasks.

Sensory Adaptations: Intriguingly, Loreirrans lack visible ears and noses. Instead, they rely on sensory input from small openings located behind their jawlines for auditory perception. They have sharp front teeth reminiscent of canines, and their back teeth are adapted for grinding. A retractable tongue, capable of extending up to 3 feet, aids in various tasks.

Sensory Organs: Loreirrans possess unique sensory adaptations. They lack conventional eyes but perceive the world through infrared and electromagnetic fields, providing them with a distinct and comprehensive view of their surroundings. Adults boast sensory organs on their backs and shoulders, visible as neon-colored patches, which enhance their perception further.

Metamorphosis and Reproduction: Loreirrans undergo a metamorphosis-like transition from youth to adulthood. Prepubescent and young Loreirrans lack certain adult traits, including the neon patches, extra arms, antennae, and a spiny ridge extending from head to tail, lacking a tail as well. Young Loreirrans have a more humanoid appearance with four antennae. Upon completing this transformation, Loreirrans are considered adults, achieving sexual maturity and the potential to produce offspring. Most Loreirrans are hermaphrodites, capable of both male and female reproduction, although exceptions exist with distinct male or female sexes.

Regional Appearances

Appearance of Tundra Regional Loreirrans (Tundrans)

Fur and Palms: Tundra regional Loreirrans, affectionately known as Tundrans, exhibit distinctive physical traits uniquely adapted to their frigid environment. Their fur is notably thick, covering their entire body in a pristine white coat. While their body fur is plush and soft, their palms boast a shorter but denser fur, providing extra insulation against the cold. This specialized fur texture ensures warmth and comfort in the harsh tundra conditions.

Antennae: The Tundrans' antennae are shorter than those of Loreirrans from other regions, and they share the same fur texture as their palms. These shorter antennae are perfectly suited to their environment and contribute to their streamlined appearance.

Size: Tundrans are comparatively smaller in stature, standing at an average height of 7 to 8 feet tall. This smaller size allows them to navigate their icy surroundings with agility and efficiency.

Color Variations: While Tundrans predominantly sport a pristine white fur coat, some individuals may exhibit patches of alternative colors, such as browns or grays. However, it's important to note that Tundrans never possess bright neon colors on their fur. Instead, their dark and neon colorations are concealed beneath their fur, remaining unseen unless a Tundran undergoes shaving.

Appearance of Water Regional Loreirrans (Watorrians)

Skin and Gills: Watorrians are uniquely adapted to their aquatic habitat, featuring smooth, water-resistant skin that allows for effortless gliding through the water. Distinctively, they possess three rows of gills situated beneath their jawline. These gills play a crucial role in respiration and appear to connect to their infrared sensing organs, granting them unparalleled underwater perception.

Webbed Adaptations: Watorrians are streamlined swimmers, thanks to their extensive webbing. This webbing extends across various parts of their bodies, facilitating swift and graceful movement in the aquatic realm. Notably, their fingers, toes, antennae base, and tail base are adorned with webbed structures, optimizing their hydrodynamic efficiency.

Spiny Ridge and Sensory Fins: The spiny ridge of Watorrians is elongated and exceptionally smooth, contributing to their streamlined form. Along the bottom of their tail and stomach, they possess small sensory fins that serve as sensitive detectors, allowing them to perceive even the slightest changes in water conditions, such as sudden movements or currents.

Colorations: Watorrians exhibit a color palette that leans toward shades of blues and greens, mirroring the hues of their underwater world. However, some individuals may display variations in color, including purples and reds. These colorations add to their visual diversity and blend harmoniously with their aquatic surroundings.

Size: Standing at a height of 8 to 9 feet when on land, Watorrians are equally formidable underwater, where their total length, from head to tail, spans an impressive 18 to 20 feet. These dimensions are finely tuned for their adept navigation and survival in the water.

Appearance of Desert Regional Loreirrans (Desertorrians)

Plentiful Representatives: Among all regional Loreirrans, Desertorrians are the most abundant and serve as the primary physical representation of the Loreirran species.

Fur and Coverage: Desertorrians possess a distinct covering of thin peach fuzz that envelops their entire body, with notable exceptions. This fine fur provides insulation and protection from the desert environment. Notably, their spiny ridge, the soles of their feet, and the palms of their hands remain devoid of fur.

Cranial Features: One distinguishing feature of Desertorrians is the slight elongation of the back of their heads compared to Loreirrans from other regions. This subtle cranial adaptation is a hallmark of their regional identity.

Size and Stature: Desertorrians stand as the largest of all Loreirrans, with heights ranging from an impressive 10 to 12 feet. Their imposing stature reflects their adaptability and resilience in the challenging desert landscape.

Coloration Variations: The coloration of Desertorrians typically leans towards darker shades, aligning with the arid, sun-soaked environment they call home. However, rare instances reveal Desertorrians adorned in warm pastel hues or even completely black, showcasing the intriguing diversity within their regional population.

Appearance of Forest Regional Loreirrans (Forestorrians)

Size and Stature: Forestorrians, as inhabitants of the lush forest region, are slightly smaller in stature compared to the Desertorrians. They typically stand at heights ranging from 10 to 11 feet, making them imposing yet agile within the forest canopy.

Coloration Palette: One of the most distinctive features of Forestorrians is their neon coloration, which leans heavily towards earthy and natural tones. These hues include varying shades of greens, browns, and blues, perfectly suited for blending into their forest environment.

Prehensile Tails: Unlike Loreirrans from other regions, Forestorrians boast prehensile tails that are notably thinner at the base. This unique adaptation allows them to grasp and manipulate objects with precision, aiding in their arboreal lifestyle.

Limbs and Digits: Forestorrians' limbs and digits are characterized by their slightly greater length and slenderness. These features enhance their agility in navigating the dense foliage and intricate terrain of the forest region.

Spiny Ridges and Claws/Talons: In contrast to their Desert counterparts, Forestorrians exhibit shorter spiny ridges along their backs. Additionally, their claws or talons are notably thicker, providing them with superior grip and dexterity when climbing trees and navigating the forest environment.

Additional Notes:

Forestorrians' neon coloration, while vibrant, remains subtle and harmonious with the forest surroundings.

Their adaptability to the forest ecosystem makes them exceptional climbers and agile explorers of their habitat.

Appearance of Jungle/Swamp Regional Loreirrans (Surglans)

Distinct Regional Similarities: Surglans, the inhabitants of both the Swamp and Jungle regions, share a strikingly similar appearance. They stand out as the least abundant among all regional Loreirrans.

Spiny Ridges and Antennae: One of the defining features of Surglans is their elongated spiny ridges, which extend along their backs, providing them with a unique and striking appearance. Additionally, Surglans have longer antennae compared to other regional Loreirrans, enhancing their sensory perception in their lush and vibrant environments.

Coloration Spectrum: Surglans exhibit an impressive array of colorations that mirror the vibrant hues of the swamp and jungle ecosystems. These colors include varying shades of reds, oranges, yellows, greens, and on occasion, blues. This diverse palette helps them blend seamlessly into their surroundings and offers a stunning display of regional diversity.

Claws/Talons and Third Toe: Surglans possess longer and thicker claws or talons, granting them superior dexterity when navigating the dense undergrowth and moist terrain of their regions. What sets them apart further is the presence of a third toe, which resembles a dew claw. This additional appendage enhances their agility and grip, making Surglans adept climbers and hunters in their challenging environments.

Size and Stature: Surglans typically range from 9 to 10 feet in height, reflecting their adaptability to the dynamic and intricate landscapes of the Swamp and Jungle regions.

Additional Notes:

Surglans' longer spiny ridges and antennae serve both aesthetic and practical purposes, aiding in sensory perception and maintaining balance in their lush habitats.

Their vibrant colorations are a testament to the rich biodiversity and unique flora and fauna of their regions.

Loreirran Subspecies

Off-planet Loreirrans

Physical Characteristics: Off-planet Loreirrans display a set of distinct physical traits that set them apart from their counterparts on Icera-5. These differences are primarily adaptations to their environment in outer space.

Stature and Size: Off-planet Loreirrans are notably shorter in height, typically ranging from 5 to 6 feet tall. This diminutive stature is a result of their adaptation to living in environments with weaker gravity compared to their home-world.

Coloration: Their coloration differs significantly from their terrestrial counterparts. Off-planet Loreirrans are lighter in color, reflecting the muted tones of their artificial habitats in space.

Antennae: In contrast to the longer antennae seen in Loreirrans on Icera-5, Off-planet Loreirrans have shorter antennae. This adaptation likely aids in maneuvering within the confines of their space stations and artificial planets.

Body Patterns: The body patterns of Off-planet Loreirrans are limited to complex stripes and spots. These patterns may serve as a form of camouflage within the artificial structures of their space habitats.

Environment and Lifestyle: Off-planet Loreirrans call space stations and artificial planets their home. They inhabit environments with weaker gravity compared to Icera-5. This unique habitat has led to specific adaptations that enable them to thrive in space.

Life Span and Development: Despite their adaptations, Off-planet Loreirrans tend to have shorter life spans compared to their counterparts on Icera-5. Their bodies are adapted for faster development during childhood, likely as an advantage in the confined and resource-limited space environments they inhabit.

Mixed ancestory

Compatibility and Rarity: It is exceptionally rare for any species to be compatible with Loreirrans, and this subspecies represents a fascinating exception. They share a unique ancestral connection with a species that has been extinct for centuries, leaving behind only mixed Loreirrans and a rich cultural legacy.

Distinct Characteristics: These unique Loreirrans do not undergo the customary second metamorphosis that other Loreirrans experience. As a result, their physical characteristics are distinct and reflective of their ancestral lineage.

Stature and Size: Loreirrans with extinct ancestry typically stand at heights ranging from 7 to 8 feet. This falls within the range of their Loreirran counterparts, allowing them to somewhat blend within Loreirran communities.

Feathered Appearance: One of the most striking features of this subspecies is their feathered appearance. They are covered in small feathers that adorn their entire body. These feathers give them a unique and childlike appearance, setting them apart from typical Loreirrans.

Tail Feathers: These unique Loreirrans possess tail feathers, although they are functionally useless. These feathers are a vestige of their ancestral heritage and contribute to their distinctive appearance.

Non-Shape Shifting: Unlike some Loreirrans, this subspecies does not possess the ability to shape-shift. Their physical form remains consistent throughout their lives.

Ancient Loreirrans

Distinctive Characteristics: The first Loreirrans, in ancient times, bore a striking contrast to their modern counterparts. Their physical attributes were distinct and set them apart in Loreirran history.

Physical Features:

Eyes: Unlike the contemporary Loreirrans who lack visible eyes, the ancient Loreirrans possessed eyes, allowing them to perceive the world visually.

Limbs: They had two arms, which was different from the current Loreirrans with four arms.

Fur Resembling Hair: Their heads were adorned with fur that closely resembled the appearance of hair, another departure from the modern Loreirrans.

Nose Similar to Earth Bunnies: Their noses bore a striking resemblance to the noses of Earth bunnies, providing a unique feature in their appearance.

Antennae: While they retained the characteristic antennae of Loreirrans, they had only two antennae on their heads.

Sensory Perception: It remains a mystery what spectrum of light the ancient Loreirrans saw in. However, archaeological evidence suggests that their vision might have been akin to that of humans, as evidenced by colored art found in deep caverns.

Unique Markings and Appearance: Art depictions of the ancient Loreirrans reveal a distinctive appearance characterized by:

Dark skin or fur, setting them apart from the neon complexion of modern Loreirrans.

Intricate and unique markings covering their bodies, akin to the patterns seen on tigers or leopards.

Extinction: Unfortunately, the subspecies of ancient Loreirrans is now extinct. Their unique physical characteristics and visual perceptions have been lost to history, with only remnants of their existence preserved in ancient art and records.

i'll share some art of each regional loreirran and their repected subspecies sometime soon.

[soulinkpoetry]

You best believe it that when you lose something in life , you end up gaining something else to take its place that could be equally valuable.

.

.

# when looks are gone what are you left with?

[sona-verse01]

As it's decided that I will be posting a Future Spouse's Physical Appearance PAC

Now tell me the pics I should use for the PAC?

[askcarlislecullen]

does your hair grow or are you eternally stuck with the same hair length?

It stays exactly as it is. This is a question I've answered before but it has been years so I'll comment upon it again—I've always felt lucky to have been turned with my hair the length that it is. I suspect it was growing out from the short style of men who supported the Protectorate (as my father did) toward the longer styles which were the fashion of the day. It has always served me well for that reason; it has always been short enough not to make me seem counter-cultural in times when men's long hair has been classified so, but also has never been too out of place in other times when longer hair has been the sign of educatedness.

[teethpaste]

It’s so weird how the body will try and protect you like. I am incapable of feeling grief right now. I know it will hit me like a fucking Mac truck in about a month

When I was here in Ireland in July thinking my grandma had days to live, because the doctors told us so, and urged everyone stateside to drop what they were doing and come to Ireland for goodbyes, I was torn up. I was the first one here because I was already in Dublin on business and luckily my job just let me work from Ireland for about 2 months. So that happened. But then she got palliative chemo, and somehow here she is, 5 months later, against the odds in stage 4 lung cancer. I can tell she is so tired. I feel like she was holding on for this holiday and that as soon as I leave Ireland come December 29, it’s going to happen quickly. Which I hate to even write into existence, but sometimes, you just feel it.

And I hope it doesn’t. But I also don’t want her to be in pain. Chemo ravages the body. Her last treatment was over a month ago but the cancer has spread through her whole body and it is wearing her down. She went from still bartending at 77 and going out with her friends weekly + walking the 2 mile trek into town everyday, to finding out she a tumor overtaking her right lung (completely collapsed at this point) from years of smoking. I was sitting with her at the table the other night before I went to the pub, painting her nails, and she asked “can we talk about something morbid”

Things hardly feel morbid these days. So I tell her yes, of course. I feel like I have this desensitized view around death now. Or I’m numb to it. Like my body remembers watching my dad die and is like HEY ITS FINE, don’t be sad in the moment. Because you can’t be. You have things to do. Then you can cave in on yourself.

Anyways, when I told her sure we can, she then got embarasssd and I had to beg a little for her to tell me . She then says “right. Because I know you’ll have the energy to handle”. She just tells me how she wants to be presented for her wake. No makeup, but make sure her eyebrows are done. Hair with a bandana. Jean shirt. Nails painted. Cowboy boots on that she never got to wear in Vegas this year. She starts telling me about where jewelry is and what she wants in a service. I listen and file it away.

I still think I’m stuck on “because you’ll have the energy to handle”. I think about when my dad died, my mom and sister were inconsolable. About how it happened so quickly and we as humans make it very complicated. Do you know how hard it is to transfer a body across state lines? The hospital doesn’t tell you what to do. I had to google so many funeral homes that morning. I think about those people too. The sanitized nature of conversations. The first place I called didnt say any niceties. They immediately went to prices so I hung up. Second place was more of the same and the third place asked me how I was doing and if I wanted to share anything about him. So I went with them. My dad didn’t leave a will so I had to pull the trigger on weather to cremate or bury. I went with the former and was sick for months thinking I made the wrong choice but one day a few months ago my mom found a random letter he wrote, tossed behind his living room chair, where he noted cremation was a better option bc of the $ and finally that guilt left me.

Did you know that when you list you’re an organ donor on your license, they have to call the family? And when they call, there is light elevator music playing in the background, and mere hours after your person dies, a woman with a nasally voice will calmly ask, “May we take his skin and eyes?” I felt like I was in a cronenberg movie. I remember being so shocked at the matter of factness of the question. Being disturbed but thankful neither my mom or sister were doing this part. I remember saying “why would you want that, do you know how he died? How are those parts even usable” and she paused . And “hmm’d” and as she began to speak I said “no we won’t be donating”.

Anyways. I’m trying to be present while I’m here in Ireland for the holidays. I want to cry but I can’t. This is the last time Christmas will feel like Christmas. I’ve never much liked the holiday. But after my dad died I’ve hated thanksgiving and Christmas even more. Being with my grandma here in Ireland makes it feel like that “magic” is still there a little. But I know it will be completely gone by this time next year and I hate that.

I also worry bout my mom and how she’s taking it. She lost her dad in 2023, her husband in 2024 and now her mom’s dying. That’s how it goes I guess. I stayed in tonight but she went out to the pubs with her friends and came home absolutely trashed. She made it up the stairs before I heard her start violently vomiting. It’s always strange when you switch places with your folks. I took off her clothes and got her changed into Pjs. Brought her water and crackers. She laid with her head in my lap as I stared at the wall. Being around this kind of stuff always makes me wonder if I’ll regret not having kids. Like the fact that when I’m her age, and my grandmas age, I’ll effectively be alone. Like yes there are friends etc but I won’t have children or grand children. Just makes me feel weird.

Anyways now it’s 6 in the morning and I’m going on a run in the 22 degree morning air. Bye bye.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote: Hello mbti-notes. Sometimes I (INFJ) come across people, both kids and grown-ups, who insult my appearance and try to humiliate me in front of other people, and I don't know how to handle the situation besides keeping a stone face and keeping it together until it ends and I find an isolated place to let the tears fall out.

I'm still greatly affected by this despite being already past my teenage years. As I said, I don't know how to effectively react. One of the ways frequently suggested is to pretend it doesn't affect me, but it does affect me so I would just be lying to them and myself and in turn feel even worse for not expressing my real emotions, but at the same time these type of people are shallow, and it would be pointless and counterproductive for me to express my real feelings without them dismissing me or taking advantage of my weak spots again.

When I don't react properly and don't say anything to stand up for myself, I start to feel even worse about myself for allowing them to disrespect me, but I am also at loss on how I should deal or react in this type of situation. I don't know how to properly deal with people like this, what to say to them, how to stand up for myself and not allow myself to be humiliated in front of everyone.

When it comes to any other topic, I know how to call people out, but when it comes to my appearance I just freeze, my mind goes blank and I don't know what to say, especially when I am dealing with middle school kids. As I said, if I play it cool, I feel even worse because they just reopened a scar inside me and I don't know how to stop the bleeding.

I tried to address my core thoughts and beliefs on beauty and disprove them, and while I dismantled my automatic toxic beliefs, it still doesn't fundamentally work, the pain I carry inside still doesn't go away, it still doesn't heal and I still feel offended and degraded, so I'm at loss on what to do now.

Getting support from my family is not an option. Getting support from my friends didn't work. I was bullied for my appearance in middle school, and after that I refused to even think or confront the issue, I currently want to confront it and heal from it but I don't know how or what exactly am I supposed to do to heal the hurt and stop getting hurt over the same thing over and over again. It's not feasible for me to have a mental breakdown every time this happens.

Right now my ultimate goal is to obtain a high self-esteem, so I need to find a way to deal with this issue. I want to stop getting hurt when people insult my looks, learn how to effectively respond when it happens, make it clear that I will not take disrespect and learn how to make people back down and respect me.

-----------------------

I'm sorry to hear that you've had to experience such terrible bullying. Disproving core thoughts and beliefs is very important but isn't likely to be enough in your case for two reasons:

Like it or not, feelings matter a lot to you as a Feeler, so until the negative feelings get sorted, the problem will persist. And only dealing with the thinking side but not the feeling side runs the risk of triggering self-sabotaging Ni-Ti loop patterns. You've basically only implemented half the solution, so the results will suffer accordingly. (Although, I do doubt how successful you were with the core thoughts and beliefs as well, which I will address later.)

Bullying is a recognized form of trauma. When you're living with significant past trauma that hasn't been properly addressed and resolved, then the problem goes far deeper than core thoughts and beliefs. You haven't gotten to the heart of the matter yet.

Bringing up your teen years is important because those are formative experiences, and negative formative experiences often lie at the root of adult self-esteem issues. Adolescence is a critical time for learning good social skills. Because teenagers are only in the early stages of learning, the way they think about socializing tends to be overly simplistic.

For example, to the average teenager, successful socializing is defined simply as "fitting in", and they jump to the conclusion that the easiest way is to be like everyone else or get approval from those with status and power. This is why social contagion (the spread of attitudes, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors through the members of a group) tends to be much worse among teenagers. When they see someone else get social validation, they rush to do the same thing in order to obtain the same reward.

However, the fact of the matter is that each one of us is an individual, and there is a limit as to how far an individual can conform. If a teenager is unlucky and simply does not share many things in common with their immediate peers, they won't be able to "be like everyone else" no matter how hard they try. Worse, their attempts to fit in or obtain approval can be transparent and make them come off as pathetic and unlikable.

Not being able to find acceptance in adolescence means the goal of that stage of development remains unfulfilled, which can have a negative effect on ego development. Basically, it can keep a person stuck in the adolescent mindset into adulthood. The more they were denied social acceptance, the more desperately they may crave validation. This is one reason why some people crazily chase affirmation, attention, affection, praise, or social status, as though trying to fill a bottomless void. Or, if they believe it impossible to obtain acceptance for whatever reason, they might develop antisocial tendencies and live in deep denial of their social needs.

Conformity is an unsophisticated socializing strategy. It's the strategy people use when they live under a dictatorship because they don't want to stand out and get their head chopped off. Now, some might say that middle and high school life is very similar to living under a dictatorship, which is fair. Teenagers can be quite harsh in ridiculing and bullying each other into conformity. However, you're not a teenager anymore. As an adult, you have more intellectual capacity for nuanced thought, you have more freedom to get away from toxic people, and you have more resources at your disposal for learning healthier methods of socializing.

Conformity is ultimately a shortsighted strategy that produces negative long term consequences. Any time you desire or attempt to be like someone else, you are denying your individuality, which means you are actively stopping the individuation process. Individuation is a core concept in analytical psychology and considered the main goal of every human being. It is the process through which you bring together all the fragmented parts of yourself to become a whole person. Going against the main goal of life prevents you from living a fulfilling and meaningful life.

Individuation requires you to become more aware of how you define your identity. If you hope to become an adult in mind, not only in body, then at some point you have to be willing to expand your sense of self beyond the narrow confines of your early socialization. Whatever it was your parents/caregivers hoped you could be, whatever it was your peers pressured you into being, whatever it was society convinced you was desirable... these concepts are very limiting, and they do not come close to encompassing the entirety of who you are. Unfortunately, many people never realize this.

The fact that these insults keep shaking you so badly suggests that you are still confined by the images, standards, and expectations of your early socialization. Unconsciously, you still buy into them, you still hope to "fit in" with them, and you still wish to reap the social rewards of living up to them, even when, consciously, you claim otherwise. As a result, you are instantly transported back to adolescence every time you are insulted. In psychology, this is called regression. It's like you are that same person, experiencing the same hurtful rejection. That teenager is still alive and well in you, and you haven't learned what to do with them yet, which is why you have no response available.

Generally speaking, criticism hurts the most when a part of you, deep down, believes it is true or fears that it could be true. That teenager inside you still believes what they were told, so the criticism activates a deep sense of shame or self-loathing. To what extent do you believe it's true that you are indeed physically "ugly"? Are you ashamed of how you look? On what basis do you make judgments about physical attractiveness? Are you using standards of your own making (as a true individual), or are you using standards that were imposed upon you (by your tormentors)? If you have truly "disproved your core thoughts and beliefs" on the matter, then you wouldn't be using any of the standards of the shallow people who insult you. Can you honestly say that is the case?

In psychoanalytic theory, one reason people keep re-experiencing and perhaps even re-inviting similar traumatic experiences over and over throughout life is because they are unconsciously seeking resolution, to obtain closure or to get compensation for what was damaged or lost in the past. Your teenage hurt is still screaming for redress. What got damaged and lost in those experiences? Your self-worth. You say your ultimate goal should be to have high self-esteem, which isn't wrong. But it isn't the root of the problem. To be more precise, it is your self-worth that is being attacked, and then your immature reaction leads you to think poorly of yourself and have low self-esteem.

Self-worth is defined as the degree to which you believe yourself "good enough" and deserving of love. You were basically told, again and again, that you are not worthy of love because of being "ugly", until you believed it. As long as you continue to believe it, the insults will cut you deeply. If your self-worth was damaged or lost during those early experiences and that pain keeps recurring, what needs to change? You need to recover your self-worth. You need to build a self-worth strong enough to withstand the world.

Since self-worth gets tied to social acceptance in adolescence, many people mistakenly believe that self-worth comes from the outside, from the judgments of others. That's not the case. Self-worth is firstly about how YOU judge yourself. Secondly, it is about how to put the judgments of others in the right perspective.

To the first point, reflect on what makes a person worthy of love. Until you can arrive at the right answer for yourself as a true individual, you have no real choice but to default to the ideas you've internalized from others earlier in life. Disproving toxic ideas isn't enough as long as you don't replace them with the right ideas, ideas that you can proudly stand up for.

Healthy self-worth involves:

having a truthful understanding of yourself

being accepting of and compassionate toward the humanity of yourself and others

making good use of your gifts, talents, and abilities

doing things in the world that matter or make a positive difference

When you build self-worth properly, from the inside out, and you fully understand your own worth, who can take that away from you? How could you not feel good about yourself? How could you not feel deserving of love?

At that point, you would understand that the best response to outer negativity is expressing your inner positivity:

With a truthful understanding of yourself, you would be the first to acknowledge your flaws and weakness.

With genuine acceptance and compassion, you could show yourself empathy when others don't, and you could have empathy for whatever was damaging them enough to lash out at you.

By realizing more of your potential, you'll see much more of your positive qualities and your innate power.

By being a good contributor in social situations, you'd be the one to influence others rather than the other way around.

This is what it means to "rise above". People with healthy self-worth don't take things too seriously because they don't perceive every negative thing as a personal attack. They tend to have a good sense of humor, even about themselves. And this easygoing manner can be contagious and encourage others to ease up as well. Imagine what could happen if you were able to meet hostility with such inner strength? Imagine what might happen if you were able to respond to your hurt teenage self with such maturity?

To the second point, reflect on what really motivates people. Fe overindulgence is a pitfall of INFJ development. One common symptom is lack of healthy boundaries. There are two aspects to consider:

- Unexamined desire for affirmation: When you indiscriminately seek "union" with every person you encounter due to Fe overindulgence, what happens? You expect everyone to care for you, you feel pressured to conform to everyone's ideas about you, and you make yourself open to everyone's influence, positive and negative. Is it a good idea to walk around with the underlying expectation that everyone should be good and kind to you? It's not a crime to want love, but you're setting yourself up for disappointment and heartache by seeking love from the wrong people. The smarter way to use Fe is to actively surround yourself with loving people and only pay attention to them, rather than just hoping for the best or waiting around passively for love to appear.

- Unable to separate self from others: What other people think, feel, say, and do is their business; it may or may not have anything to do with you. Until you can learn to "mind your own business", you'll keep getting tangled up in other people's drama. What kind of person goes around insulting others without provocation? A hurt person. An insecure person. A narcissistic person trying to make you bend to their idea of what you should be. These psychological issues are none of your business, so you are under no obligation to attend to them. Don't take on other people's problems as your own. Once you understand that no one is entitled to an answer, agreement, affirmation, or attention from you, you'll no longer take their bait. Having good boundaries means you are assertive in preserving your well-being and honoring your needs. Perhaps you should look into assertiveness training. It is sometimes included in therapy for people who have difficulty setting boundaries.

To recover self-worth isn't easy but it's doable as long as you're willing to put in the self-work. What I've written above should be enough to get you started on the journey. To the final point, you ask me what the best response is in these situations. It depends. Every social situation is unique, so it's important to consider the context. Before I can answer, you'll have to answer this first: Why do you need to respond at all? If what you're really wanting to do is prove that you're "good enough", then you're falling into a trap of depending on others to define your self-worth.