#PCOS More Likely to Have Boy or Girl

[truwellth]

Can PCOS Cause Infertility

Here know, Can PCOS Cause Infertility? How to Get Pregnant with PCOS Quickly? What Causes PCOS? Can PCOS Be Cured? How to Cure PCOS Permanently?

[schizowitchic]

also like i partially found out i might be intersex because i was looking at trans stuff and there was like "(however many) months on t and finally seeing some bottom growth" and like pictures of t-dicks and i was like.... um.... that's kind of just what my clit looks like anyways. so i was like "hey google give me a quick rundown on this" and learned what clitoromegaly was and then i was like. hm. intersex resources. and it's like a sign? symptom? side-effect? of certain intersex conditions

[deesseshesca]

PAC :How will your future lover explore your body ? (18+)

I found a little name for all of y'all ... Bébé d'Amour. Vous etes maintenant mes bébé d'amour (Y'all are now my Bébé d'Amour).

Good morning pretty souls, I'm not a lovey dovey human but for y'all I am ready to do almost anything.

SALE 

Until October 31 all readings on my ko-fi is 30$, only

Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION.

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else.

MINOR DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST 

MINOR DON’T READ THIS POST 

PILE 1 

Page pentacles, 2 swords (reverse), magician (reverse), page wands (reverse)

Their touch is going to make u reminisce about all the time u let someone else touch your body in ways u settle for. Like u never really wanted them to touch but you were to fucking lonely to refuse the act knowing damm well they were using u. Also they were not treating you correctly. They touch is going to make all the monster go away. All the time you were touch with little cares all forgiven to make place with memories of they’re caring touch. Some of y’all have self harm scars, suicide attempt scaring, they will caress it with so much love and thank u everytime for the fact that u stay even thought it was hard. They are grateful upon every stars that u’re self sabotaging behavior never got the best of u otherwise they would have never met u. Some of u don’t think you have a pretty pussy. Maybe u feel like u’re lips of too big or that they are not the same color as the rest of your cooch. Hey, they will to touch your pussy. Always munching with happiness. Others u are not circumcised, don’t matter they bumping their month on your dick with happiness in their eyes. Some of y’all have religious trauma, like your ex-environment made you think that sex is forbidden. Y’all don’t even like touching yourself. Even though u left a long time ago, u can’t seem to shake those fears off. They are going to take their time with u and respect which one  of your boundaries. At the end, you might still not like getting head but u are not going to feel as uncomfortable with the concept of it after their healing touch. Some of y’all have some vaginismus, I see them learning about it. So they can help u heal and respect the boundaries set by your body. I see them introducing the first toys before even going in themself. Until they are not sure u are ok, there’s no jumping the big boy. If you have endometriosis/PCOS, they will stop penetration sex and alter to fingering to make sure not to disturb the peace of the uterus before the big week. For all my pillow prince/princess today is your big day, they love leading. They don’t care if you spend the whole relationship on a pink/blue pillow. They love it for you. Their touch will still be playful. They will love to tickle u. Also they will love placing a hand on your stomach, even slepping on it. Especially my masculine energy, your pump stomach is literally their safe place. They will love giving you a good handjob while staring into your eyes (y’all probably have deep brown eyes) and caressing your stomach. 

💌 : Honestly Pile one, they are not going to be able to let go of you. Might be clingy, also they love language is physical touch. Will love updating you throughout the day. If you want to know more about that future love, you can always purchase my SOUL TRIBE membership unlocking all the extra content and extended PAC reading + the audio one.

PILE 2 

4 wands (reverse), King cups (reverse), Hanged man, 6 swords 

They love to have their hands on your private parts on all times, not in a creepy way. They would be driving and suddenly here u go, being a finger fucked passager princess. If you are an owner of a dick, u better drive with both hands on the wheel because at any moment, they may start giving u a blowjob . If you have boobs, they will have they hand on them all the time. Not even in a sexual way but because it becomes their habit. Y’all might not give a fuck at some point, until somebody stare at u in public. U end up apologizing while glaring at u’re partner making sure to get they hands the fuck out your top. They are very sensitive to your reaction. Let’s say they wanna give u a hug and u move slightly away … here comes the overthinking. If they try a new move on u in bed but u don’t moan as good as usual. They don’t reproduce it. If u give an excellent reactions, they will put that move on rotation. Also if you have painful period cramps, they will message you stomach. If you have to go regularly to the doc, they will always try their best to be there and hold your hand. Touch = love regarding your future lover. They will caress your face when u speak. Tie your hair when your hand is busy. To my burn out babe that are trying their best or my type B babe who is always so damn clumsy, they will always be behind u giving u a hand. Even when u give them head, they still worry about your well being. I’m hearing : ‘’ Baby I don’t care, if u care or not. I love when (moan) u are giving (whimper) head and are comfortable’’ before attempting to tie your hair. After a week of bad depressive episodes they will run you a bath. When they sense that u are starting to distance yourself, they will always have an hand on your waist, on your leg, shoulder any fucking where. Just to keep u from leaving with your bad thoughts. All this stand for my man in the audience, your next babe don’t play about you. Their touch heal making u realize how much you DO matter. 

💌: If you want to know more about that future love, you can always purchase my SOUL TRIBE membership unlocking all the extra content and extended PAC reading + the audio one.

PILE 3 

King wands (reverse), page wands (reverse), page cups, ace pentacles 

Straight from the beginning I’m getting a bad girl/boy from your person. They push everyone away but you. Actually they only see you. They don’t see any other women/men. They don’t even care about their own parents, the way they care about you. Your future person may have experienced deep trauma from age 8 - 10 years old, every night. Since is not the reading for and I did not ask for permission, I will not dive deeper into their lore. They touch = fire, when they lay their fingerprints on u, it is like your whole body is in heat. They enjoy mixing pain and pleasure. A fan of breathing plays because they get to squeeze your neck safely to give you pleasure. Loves squeezing you in general. If you have boobs, will love to squeeze them until it hurts. If you are a man, love to pinch your nipple until they see a little bit of blood even. They will also enjoy putting pressure on your balls while giving you a handjob. They are very experience lover. Probably have 15+ body. They love to play game with y’all. I’m hearing: ‘’ Let’s see how many times I can make u cum in a minute, princess…’’. If you are a man, they will love to eat your ass. If they lose you, they lose everything. They will probably haunt until they find you back again. They will NEVER raise their hand on u and  NEVER yell at you.  I see a vision of a text conversation. 

U : jhabwdbcaw

Them : hey babe, is everything ok …

U: auijdxja party hbduiAHBNDIL

Them: Can u give the phone (one of your friend).

U: But I wannnnnna takcfjawo to u 

Them: I know but I wanna see you. Can you please give the phone ? 

U: abxda yes hnqcfu

Them: Give the phone, love. 

Their touch is very gentle but very practical. Gently take your makeup off when u come back drunk. Gently draw into your tattoo if you are a man. Will casually lift up bridal style when they see dozing off while studying. If you are a guy, will softly wake you up and guide u to the bedroom. 

💌: If you want to know more about that future love, you can always purchase my SOUL TRIBE membership unlocking all the extra content and extended PAC reading + the audio one.

PILE 4

Knight wands (reverse), Lovers (reverse), Emperor (reverse), Strength (reverse)

Touch = understanding, will give u a tap on the shoulder to encourage you. Will caress your arm while y’all are arguing. There’s a use of: ‘’ Good girl/boy’’ in y’all relationships. When they see you grabbing the sheet, while they are down to town, that’s when they know you are on cloud 9. The only time they will stop munching even if you have already orgasm. They will love to caress your inner thighs. Pass a sneaky hand on your tits. Loves making you want more, like I see y’all making out and they are barely touching your tits while you are caressing their body. Have a very brat energy. Love to get on your last nerve because they know you will punish them. That’s what gets them going.  Has a high sex drive can go round and round in the same day but it will always start with some kind of teasing.

💌 : Y'all are going to have an amazing communication. I sense that both of y'all are yappers. Y'all are messy, you love to call each other at the end of the day and share the tea on what's going on. They will never let you go to sleep angry. I see a vision of you mad even at them but y'all still cuddling. You guy are in silence, they know they mess up but they refuse to leave on your own. Better they let you gather your thoughts with them. They may have a trauma about somebody that die on them in a middle on text con versation. That's why they can't let u go when u are mad. Don't get them wrong, they won't force u to hug them or talk. If you can't handle looking at them, they will tare at the wall, while u are in the bed thinking. If you want to know more about that future love, you can always purchase my SOUL TRIBE membership unlocking all the extra content and extended PAC reading + the audio one.

[eyesxxyou]

Babes, dunno if u still have reqs open but I neeedddd more trans hobie like, wtv is on ur mind, I'll eat that shit 🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️👐👐👐

*ೃ˚ :💿 trans!hobie

❝ warnings ❞ topics of gender, trans!hobie (if that bothers you, leave), a little snippet of smut in there, strap fucking, periods

Trans!Hobie who doesn't want bottom surgery because fuck what anyone says, he loves his man cunt and if you don't, you're brainwashed by societal gender expectations and that's a you problem.

Trans!Hobie who's a man to the average person but a boy girl girl boy genderqueer king. He actually doesn't mind it when people like him refer to him with she/her or they/them pronouns because he's a she/they/him/it man and he doesn't care if other people can't understand it, just as long as the people around him, the people he cares most about do.

Trans!Hobie who lets you fuck him when you're in the mood. Oh- the noises he makes when you're on top, the way he whimpers and whines, his hand reach back in an attempt to slow your abusing pace. "F-fuck y/n...mmh~ slow- slow down." You don't, you push his hand away as fuck him harder. He'll grip the sheets, arch his back, so sensitive because usually he's not the one being fucked. If he's on his back, you'll press his thighs to his chest, fuck him nice and deep. Sometimes you can get him to cry if you go long enough, draw enough orgasms out of him. He's so handsome.

Trans!Hobie who you take care of when he's on his period. He pretends to be tough but he likes to cuddle with you and be spooned while you rub his lower belly with a soothing hand and feed him chocolate. He's such a baby on his period. Spiderman has to be gone for a couple of days out of the month. If you're getting robbed, no you're not. Because of this, people assume spiderman is actually a woman but nope, he's a grown ass man who has PCOS.

[edgessunflower]

Hi, cutie pie. Can I request PCOS comfort with poly! Judgement Day? Because of this syndrome of mine, I'm basically growing a beard under my chin and my mom said I look like a man if I don't shave, maybe you could do something like the boys and Rhea helping reader to shave?

Support system

Pairing: Judgement day x Fem reader

Description: Your partners help you deal with your PCOS especially with your unwanted facial hair

Embarrassment floods through you looking in the mirror only to notice the small patch of little hairs under your chin making tears form in your eyes as Dom walks in. You lean against him as he wraps his arms around you with his chin on your shoulder "What's wrong pretty girl?" the pet name makes your heart swell and crack as you sigh slowly lifting your face up where he sees "Oh baby it's okay this can be taken care of" all your partners knew of your condition with PCOS and knew that it made you self conscious with what it did to you from the chin hair, bad acne, to oily skin, and your period being chaotic as all hell but your partners always helped you in anyway they could and never judged you for your condition and when it affected you badly like right now as dom holds you "What's going on loves?" you smile seeing Rhea as she brushes her hair watching dom grab a razor "Starting to get stubble?" she laughs at his offended look before you show her your chin making her run her hands along your cheek "We could wax this" your eyes widen remembering the last time Finn waxed your chin when the two of you were at home while the others were on the road turning when you hear Damian chuckle before pressing a kiss on your forehead. After talking for a bit rhea came back in the bathroom with an eyebrow razor sitting you on the sink counter slowly gliding it along your chin while damian made breakfast downstairs with finn cracking jokes and dom gently teaching you how to use a normal razor if you needed to use it and rhea doing the same with the eyebrow razor since you didn't use them opting to just pluck the hairs with tweezers and letting finn wax it one time and once only after the waxing made your chin bleed a little smiling as you look at your now smooth chin before heading downstairs and having breakfast together leading to now as you lay on damian wrapped in his arms watching tv who noticed that you were in a bit of pain and more tired but that didn't bother him giving you Tylenol and snuggling you "Go to sleep Mariposa we'll be here" the other three smile seeing you asleep on damian before waking up an hour later grabbing and putting on dom's hoodie feeling more tired than you had before dozing off until you feel yourself be lifted off the couch opening your eyes slightly to see finn carrying you to bed tucking you in as rhea wrapped you in her arms rubbing her hand on your side under the hoodie and loose shirt. The next day all of them each told and taught you how to shave in case you needed to while all of them were on the road and couldn't do it for you or help you melting at how caring they were smiling as you are tucked between damian and rhea in bed watching tv after dinner smothered in cuddles, love, and kisses until you fell asleep to dom rubbing your arm and molded against damian listening to his heartbeat after each of you shared a soft kiss and an I love you to each other.

[mimikyuno]

i was just talking with my wife about this over breakfast but i rly hope this whole transvestigation paranoia becomes a breaking point because it’s insane? like i hope it snaps some people out of their transmisogynystic daze bc what are you saying? where is the limit?? are you demanding any woman who looks vaguely “masculine” take a chromosome test?!

like first their credo was that “a woman must have a vagina and uterus” but that’s not enough anymore for them, now u need to be born a woman “the right way” or you’re a man. never mind that a huge argument they have used against trans women is that they were “socialized as men” (ridiculous take btw, let’s not even get there) and as such can never understand womanhood and really be a woman okay then why are u saying that even if imane was afab and raised a girl she’s still not enough of a woman?! they’re always like “misogyny is sex-based” and it doesnt matter how a woman presents bc it’s her Biology that primes her for abuse (real takes i have seen!!!) but then say that a cis woman who was assigned female at birth is not Actually a woman bc some corrupt organisation that was accused of malpractice Maybe said she might have XY chromosomes. HELLO?! like do YOU know your chromosomes? do YOU know your testosterone levels? it’s so absurd it feels like im in the twilight zone.

also can we talk about how antifeminist it is to argue that someone is just too good at a sport to be a woman. what is wrong with you. hmm i wonder why men tend to be stronger overall? is it really just their “biology”? bc actually studies have shown that parents underestimate their daughters’ strength and do stuff for them and overall dont let them play rough while little boys are expected to be stronger and tumble. which child do you think will grow up with more muscle mass. which will grow up stronger and faster. i saw some altright men and terfs argue that it is Biologically True that men are Stronger and Faster and Better than women bc “look at the football league, the men are better”. like i wonder why?? could it be that the women’s league overall gets less funding, less intense trainings, and overall there’s less athletes to choose the best from bc on average more men pursue sports than women (for social reasons) etc.????

like how are terfs out there thinking they’re feminists. when they posts a picture of a woman of color and call her too ugly to be a “real woman”. do you see how racist that is?! i also saw them transvestigate the butch-looking polish contestant (for judo iirc) like?! “her hair is short and her face looks masculine” have u ever seen a butch woman irl. you stupid ass. and what if they’re trans btw?? ultimately it does not MATTER. olympic athletes are freaks of nature. usually they’re the best at a sport because they’re literally BUILT for it. they often have a natural advantage as well as years or practice. like what even is your argument anymore?! it’s a stupid sport competition to see who’s the best at certain sports how are u gonna determine which physical/biological advantages are okay and which arent?! y’all are one step away from requesting muscle fibers exam for black people to see if they have more type 2 fibers bc that makes them more likely to be fast. put a height limit for basketball players bc being too tall is rare and therefore unfair to shorter basketball players. banning women with PCOS from competing bc they have elevated testosterone. LIKE PLEASE TELL ME WHERE THE LIMIT FOR BIOLOGICAL ADVANTAGES IS. IM WAITING.

i think the insanity of the current situation truly is the culmination of all these phrenology-adjacent trends (like mewing and the rest of the “rate me” 4chan standards, look it up), white supremacy being allowed on mainstream platforms and transphobic panic all converging into this mass hysteria. it’s genuinely fascinating from a sociological perspective but jesus christ. the fact that if imane really was trans they could have gotten her jailed or worse. WAKE UP.

terfs love to call themselves feminists yet are using racist phrenology-like standards to determine who’s a “real” woman. being hairy? big nose? strong jaw? short hair? not a real woman :). please STOP. y’all are literally one step away from saying only white women are “real women” LMAO. trans women have been saying for years that transmisogyny IS misogyny (on steroids) and it WOULD bite cis women in the ass too but y’all didnt believe them till it Actually started affecting cis women.

i am hoping this is the peak of transphobia (specifically transmisogyny) and it’s downhill from here and society progresses 🙏🏻 like let’s move ON. enough is enough

[forwomenbiwomen]

I’m not gonna tell you to dump your bf bc it’s unhelpful and alienating advice imo, but i recommend reading invisible women by Caroline criado-Perez to fully understand and recognise the way that male bias is baked into so many aspects of society and how it advantages all men and disadvantages all women, even when it’s not visible/noticeable. It will also equip you with a lot of helpful vocab. Same with everyday sexism by Laura Bates! Two very easy reads as far as feminist books go

Everyone is raised misogynistic and to prioritise male feelings and perspectives whether they realise it or not, and this creates an invisible bias where men are much more likely to be taken seriously the first time while women have to fight to be considered. Men as a whole interrupt women far more often than each other, and women do not generally interrupt men. Girls are discouraged from stem while boys are encouraged, you can read up on the glass ceiling and how it’s harder for us to progress in our careers because ultimately everyone trusts a man in a position of power far more. girls and women are encouraged to wear makeup and shave and mocked and belittled when they don’t, but boys and men don’t experience this expectation at all. you can talk about how women and men both work 9-5s now yet women still do the vast majority of the housework and childcare, there are lots of studies to back this up. you can also talk about the medical misogyny and how devastatingly common it is for women to have to fight tooth and nail to have their medical concerns taken seriously while men are typically believed first time. I’m also an otherwise privileged white woman in the uk and yet it took me 8 years of desperate attempts to have my PCOS symptoms taken seriously and to get a diagnosis. another big one is just the constant sexual harassment that men typically don’t deal with meanwhile every single woman i know has an SA story, or multiple.

Like others have suggested, you just need to talk about it, not just with him but your female friends and family members too, the more you discuss it the more you see and hear and the easier it is to put into words. and reading feminist works also helps massively too ofc

best of luck!

Thank you so much nonnie!!!!

I'm actually reading Invisible Women (it's amazing) rn but it's slow going bcs I have to stop every five pages out of sheer grief and annoyance

Someone before suggested that I need to get more involved with UK radfems bcs they are in the same boat and I totally agree. I think talking about it with people who know what they're talking about will do me a world of good. Thank youuu!!!

[edai-crplpnk]

Some Team 7 + Team 10 chara sheets!

I did more chara sheets for my modern AU. (I did Team 8 + Sand Sibs here!) They don't appear much in the fics I already wrote, I don't know if they will in the future (maybe some plan for Naruto & Jiraiya fic one day?) but I have headcanons for them!

1 - The Girlfriends

Additional facts!

Sakura:

She's been best friend with Naruto since childhood and was quite scared to come out to him as a teen, not so much because she thought he'd reject her entirely but more because she was scared it would change their dynamics if they weren't boy friends anymore. Naruto was very excited about the whole thing, and supported her plenty in her transition.

She's training to be a surgeon and met Ino in med school.

In Seeing Stars, she is roommate with Lee and Tenten, but she'll move in with Ino later, and Gaara will take her place (well, more like he'll take Lee's bed room and there is one free now but-)

This is my "everyone is gay, everyone is disabled" AU and she is the token abled chara for now, but that might change if I get inspired. Not fully set on that.

Ino:

She's known she was a lesbian (although maybe not in this word) since very young. Also, at the time, Shikamaru and Chouji were perceived as such too, so that made them a trio.

She graduates to be a physical therapist around the year of Seeing Stars. She trained a lot on Sakura (lovingly) and Lee (more brutally).

Her endometriosis is somewhat managed by progesterone but she still has some flare-ups from time to time.

2 - The Boyfriends

Chouji:

They are Brazilian through their mother and Japanese through Chouza.

They struggled a bit figuring out their gender and tried presenting more masculine earlier in their transition, cutting their hair short and all that, but really didn't like it and, after some distress and talking it through with Ino and Shikamaru, let themself own that they were, really, a femboy. He is cool with masculine words (like being Shikamaru's boyfriend).

They considered stopping T after a while but liked how it felt for the most part, and it also helped manage PCOS symptoms.

He is rather sensory-seeking and loves being able to play around with textures, colours and sparkles.

He manages chronic pain with compressive clothes, knee braces and crutches.

Shikamaru:

Identified as a boy for about forever, and was very uncomfortable with being perceived as a lesbian with Chouji as a teen (which Chouji didn't really mind on his end), in a good part because of dysphoria, but also because he's never been into girls? (Dating Chouji has been a lot of confusion until they both figured themselves out, but it did feel right, somehow. Now he knows why.)

It might not have happened yet by the time of Seeing Stars because this shit takes time, but he is eventually getting phalloplasty and a cool tattoo sleeve on his left arm afterwards to hide the graft site.

Between his fatigue and Chouij's pain, they are a very cuddly pair and spending a lot of time in each other's presence at home. It's not always easy to go out and do things whatever they may be, but they make sure that the time they spend home together feels significant and not just routine.

3 - The Not Boyfriends

Naruto:

After some chaotic and pretty traumatic time in the foster care system as a baby and young child, he was taken in by Jiraiya, a relative of Kushina. He still lives with him as an adult, though they have a more roommate-y relationship than father/son.

He has struggled a lot with school the whole time, and it got worse after being separated from Sasuke (see below) and Sakura (because he failed and had to repeat some years along the way). He didn't graduate from high school in the end.

He does restaurant delivery by bike for a living, which provides him with both a lot of time spent working the hyperactivity out, and social contact with all the cooks in the neighbourhood (who all love him and have adopted him like a stray cat.)

He is very good friend with Kiba. They met in group therapy but Kiba is not great at that so they mostly meet to smoke together.

He is bi but probably too obsessed with Sasuke and the faith he have they'll be together again to really put himself out there for anyone.

Sasuke:

He and Naruto were close (and eventually sort of dating) as children and teens, but they got into a fireworks accident together where they both lost an arm (and Sasuke some hearing). Fugaku moved him to private schooling after the events, and they haven't reconnected since then.

He has sort of convinced himself he is straight, not even out of complicated feelings for his sexuality, but really just to be able to think he isn't and has never been into Naruto, because he resents him a lot for the accident and doesn't want to come to term with forgiveness or even just admitting he is still important to him.

He's tried using a prosthetic arm for years after his injury, but never quite found one he managed to work with. He also has important phantom pain that plays into that.

For now, he's joined the police like Fugaku. Let's all hope he'll get himself together eventually.

[defilerwyrm]

I feel so stupid to say this but I'm a trans man, but I have a lot of learning disabilities so I'm trying to understand things better. I was born AFAB but I'm trying to understand how "bio sex" works and if it is even real. I've heard a lot of people say it isn't but that makes me feel sorta as if my transness isn't valid then. I do not agree w trans meds at all, they're terf lites and their "male/female brain" stuff is so wrong. But I'm curious since the brain isn't gendered, what makes us the bio sex we are? I get gender is different and it is WHO we are and how we think and present etc but can you explain bio sex please? :) I also really want phallo and top surgery and it makes me curious how gender which is a social construct has an urge to match up with biology somehow? Like how come my dysphoria feels so bad that I lack a dick..how does my gender want that?

Hoo boy. Biological sex is actually really complex. It’s made up of your sex chromosomes, sex hormones, primary sex characteristics developed as a fetus, secondary sex characteristics developed in puberty, and I think a few other factors I’m forgetting. All of these elements are not binary (meaning there are only two options), but instead bimodal (meaning there are two options that are the most common, but there are others).

So using myself as an example, my chromosomes are unknown because I’ve never been karyotyped (tested for sex chromosomes); my endocrine system is almost completely testosterone-based; I have zero “female” reproductive organs and most of the “male” ones (minus testes); and I have a few “female” sex characteristics (undeveloped hyoid (Adam’s apple), wide hips, narrow shoulders, smallish hands & feet) and many “male” ones (deep voice, broad jaw, flat chest, vascular hands, body hair, facial hair, male pattern alopecia, male fat distribution, lower body temperature, high sex drive). So without knowing what my chromosomes are, by all accounts I’m male.

The whole male brain/female brain thing has been pretty well debunked. There are only subtle differences between the brains of cis men and cis women at the population level, and those physical differences that do exist are most likely caused by differences in socialization for certain skillsets. In other words, if you teach boys and girls that they’re supposed to be good at different things as they’re growing up, their brains will develop to be better at those things that they practice from an early age—be that fine motor skills, or telling colors apart, or interpreting other people’s tone and moods, or being empathetic, etc. Obviously there are disabilities that can stand in the way or complicate matters, but there’s something called the Pygmalion effect where if you consistently tell a child that they’re good at a certain thing, they will BECOME good at it—and if you consistently tell a child they’re bad at a thing, they will do poorly at it.

Something I find really interesting, talking about the link between biological sex and gender identity, is the prevalence of PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) in trans men. The rates shown by studies varies a lot, but taking average rates, about 5% (1 in 20) AFAB people have PCOS, but about 60% (3 in 5) trans men have it. PCOS is an endocrine condition (and, arguably, an intersex condition) that has a slew of effects, and one of those is relatively high levels of androgens like testosterone. The REALLY interesting part is that PCOS medications that decrease testosterone and increase estrogen result in MORE gender dysphoria for trans men and LESS in cis women! I remember before I even figure out I’m trans, my mom told me I needed to get on metformin to decrease testosterone and boost estrogen, and the very thought of it made me nauseous and angry!

A possible interpretation of that is that there is an intrinsic link between our gender identity and our physical sex that opposes our primary sex characteristics. In other words, we’re MEANT to be men and our bodies know it.

(Now, things like this on the trans woman side, I will admit I don’t know offhand; you’d have to ask a trans woman who follows medical science. I would point you to my sister because she fits the bill, but we have an unspoken agreement to keep our online lives separate for privacy. That is to say, I don’t remember her blog name lmao sorry sis)

But yeah. The thing about top and bottom dysphoria is that it isn’t like social dysphoria where it depends on how you’re seen by others. It’s an internal knowledge—a gnosis, if you will—that something is WRONG regardless of what others think, say, or do. Speaking for myself again, sure you can be a man without a dick, fine, whatever, but I, personally, was supposed to have one. It wasn’t the social construction of what masculinity is supposed to entail that made me hate my tits and cooch, it was the fact that they felt horrible and wrong and I knew I was meant to have a flat chest, dick, and balls instead. And that feeling of wrongness started at a very young age, if I’m honest; I just didn’t have the vocabulary and knowledge to identify it until my mid-20s.

How does this relate to my PCOS? We don’t actually know. But don’t you think it’s interesting that the signs that I was trans were there long before my first puberty awakened the PCOS in the first place?

Gender roles are a fluid social construct. What’s considered masculine and feminine change with culture and time. But gender identity is, as far as medical science can figure, hardwired in the brain. For most people, by happy coincidence of sex and gender being bimodal, their physical sex (as complex as it is!) and gender identity more or less align, and they never really have to think about it. For others, there is a natural misalignment between the two—and it can take quite some time to figure it all out, because our cultures try very to force a bimodal spectrum into a binary box.

I think I’ve rambled enough, hey? Let’s see if my dogshit wifi will let me post this without losing everything.

[froggiebi-moved]

i swear nothing has been so validating and helpful to hear than other intersex people with pcos explaining that they had an alternate puberty than what we were taught to expect - because i did, too.

the first sign i had that i was entering puberty was the development of acne at age 8. even as a kid i knew how weird that was, as everyone around me still had nice, smooth skin, while i was the kid in the photographs covered in red bumps. it was humiliating.

as i travelled further into puberty, my boobs and body hair developed as expected, though the boobs got way too big too fast, and the body hair was patchy (but at least easier to maintain). my hips developed, too, but i always felt more top heavy due to the growth of my boobs, as well as the fact that my body type already had a longer torso and big tummy, the latter being a very common pcos thing. i had also been tall until i suddenly stopped growing at 14, giving me a squarely average height and dooming my legs to be forever short. i'm not kidding; at 11, i was about an inch shorter than i am now. i grew a measly 3cm in as many years, and that was it for me. i am now 164cm (5'4") despite my parents and all my siblings being taller.

as a teen, i tried to focus on how i was just like the girls now, how we shared this commonality (even if i had extreme dysmorphia from my body developing somewhat differently), but i couldnt help but be preoccupied with the state of my skin. i noticed the boys were not only more likely to have acne or to develop it early, they were more likely to have severe acne than the girls. my acne began to spread over my chest, shoulders, and back, and some zits were particularly painful and/or itchy. i didn't have cystic acne, but it was mild to moderate on almost every inch of skin down to my armpits. i thought of myself as a monster, fated to be the ugly, overlooked friend, the weirdo who couldn't get a boyfriend as they kept having crushes who didn't like them back - fairly typical teenage concerns to be sure, and one that i couldn't even express as different to my peers' as we were all hormonally haywire. even my irregular periods and heavy cramping seemed normal, because it was hard to find a teenage girl without a single experience of irregular periods and heavy cramping.

all the girls talked about using proactiv, clearasil and neutrogena to battle their pimples, and i tried what my mother was willing to buy for me, even dicey balms she found on ebay, but nothing helped; not until i went on the combination pill at 16. until then, i understood the boys who straight up pretended they didn't have it because either nothing worked, or there was nothing socially acceptable they could do about it - what millennial teenage boy would ever wash their face with specialised soap? don't worry boys, because i tried it, and it didn't do shit; the pill, however, was like a miracle cure. it didn't clear my acne up 100%, but it got better by at least half, and the redness calmed down. my face now seemed just as pimply as most other 16 year old girls, and i couldn't be happier.

i wasn't diagnosed with pcos until i was 19, after a decade of suffering and hating myself and questioning what was wrong with me and begging my mother to take me to a specialist. she even told me that as a teenager she only got pimples when she was due for her period, but didn't make that same hormonal link for me because i had pimples all the time. the constant dismissals and blaming, the shit like "you just need to be more hygienic! here, put toothpaste on your skin!" - it was all infuriating, and only succeeded in bringing my self-esteem down further.

the diagnosis helped a lot with helping me let go of a lot of the self-blame and shame i developed alongside my symptoms, but as an adult i have had other associated issues. since giving birth to my son, i have been growing facial hair that steadily became more and more noticeable, and it now has to be removed every week or so - just like my body hair, it's patchy, so i can get away with leaving it for a few days, despite it growing at the same rate as a typical beard. pregnancy changed my body and made that "topsy turvy" feeling even greater, as my bust is now far larger than my hips, despite women's clothing accommodating for the opposite. (though to be fair, this is also genetic, as my mother was more top heavy than i am; it's just another factor in the struggle of accepting my body.)

on top of all that, i have been struggling to understand my gender for the last decade, coming to the realisation i am nonbinary but itching to know what "flavour", trying on a bunch of different labels (mostly multigender ones that hover around agender), knowing i had dysphoria but not really understanding how as it differed to most accounts told by afab people. due to how my hormones work, as well as my nebulous dissatisfaction with my body, i figured i had to be a transmasc, or at least equally masc to fem. however, the more i heard trans women's stories pre-transition, the more i realised i could relate to them, and that i was doing the same thing - trying to conform to what i felt i had to be, though for me it was more that i didn't feel "womanly" enough to deserve being called one, despite wanting to be involved in the collective of women. trying to pigeon hole myself as transmasc or even completely agender wasn't realistic for me, and the reason my dysphoria was so great was because i wanted to be fem and to feel that i fit in - with women.

this whole confusing journey has been aided by my making the connection between dysphoria and pcos, finding out pcos is considered an intersex condition by the intersex community, being acceped into the community, and growing to understand just how complicated gender can be for us; i'm far from the only intersex person in this boat, despite sailing in it alone for quite some time. i've been calling myself a nonbinary woman / agender woman for a while now, and it feels right, even if it seems counterintuitive to perisex people. but i'm done trying to make myself palatable for perisex people, especially perisex cis people. i am intersex, and nonbinary, and a woman, and the "nonbinary" part modifies the "woman" part, and the way in which i am nonbinary and a woman is further influenced by my intersex status and bisexuality. and all of that is okay.

we are who we are, and when you have a community behind you, it'll quickly absorb the limitations you've put on yourself all your life. i see that now.

*terfs do not fucking interact*

[amberlin1]

Including PCOS having people is a dividing issue for the intersex community apparently

I am AFAB. I quite like having tits and a vagina. I have hirsutism and zero periods without a bcp, and a body that felt like it betrayed me for a longass time. In my teens and 20s i had a lot of gender dysphoria, which felt really strange and uncomfortable to me, to be feeling the same thing mtf trans people were feeling (they were the only type of trans people in the media that i was exposed to)

I realised, when i realised i was bi, a lot of my identity issues went away almost immediately. It became a who-cares deal for me 20 min after me realising im queer. It's strange to say that it was freeing for me, after being raised new testament pentecostal, where i didnt actively feel like i was hiding. Religiously i didnt feel it, but it did overlap into the social aspect, where i felt it through sex, gender identity ,and gender expression.

PCOS made it so i never had a period for long stretches of time, until eventually without a bcp, i'd never have one. At one point, i'd go for 9 months without a period. I went for an x-ray and had to tell the tech when my last period was. 9 months. And i'm wearing the uniform for a prestigious secondary school. (I wasn't pregnant, i just have a shit body)

I largely kept to myself and never made additional connections with people, and romance was out of my head (for a lot of reasons, but this was one). i hated to show my face anywhere (difficult). I tried so hard to be feminine like i was as a child, and when i saw i couldnt i went the other direction. It was exhausting. I stopped. But i still kept largely to myself. But i kept trying to overcorrect this mistake. Im not a trans woman, i'm cis, so why do i feel like this? Why is this the way i feel? Why do i look like this?

I remember my mother asking me why i need to have birth control if im not having sex, and i'm not going to, cuz i don't have a bf. I told i feel like i need to to feel like a woman. She laughed at me. That was a stupid reason and it's a waste of time. I left it alone after that. For the rest of my 20s the same questions kept coming up, along with my (weak) rebuttal. I'm not trans, i'm cis. I just have a shit uterus.

In 2020 during lockdown, with no customer service work, and a lot of time on queer tiktok, i finally brought back up the question of my sex and gender identity and expression.

I remember a tiktok user saying they see themselves as intersex because of their pcos diagnosis. Its been like 4 years so details are lost, but from what i remember, because hormonally their body doesn't do what afab bodies are expected to do, they consider themself intersex. I played around with the idea but intersex as a label isn't mine.

I'm still consider myself pretty femme. In tastes and expression. But. There is a BUT.

As i say, I don't consider myself intersex. For physical or hormonal traits that i have. I don't think the label fits for me at all. It may for some people. That's okay, and i'm happy there are people in the intersex community accepting and welcoming PCOS havers with them.

I mentioned a BUT.

I can't see myself as intersex or trans.

I do like my default body.

I sometimes feel like i can have more. Not different parts, additional parts. But not all the time. Just sometimes.

I'm girl, I'm more than girl, i'm less than girl. I am nowhere boy. I can't fully take the trans label. Like, i can, conceivably, it's alright. But no. Not mine.

By definition, genderflux. It's a dimmer switch and for the most part i'm happy in the middle with a circumstantial need in either direction.

By the way it feels in my mouth, Genderfluid sounds better.

By vibes though, i'm sticking with genderqueer. I know what i am, i just can't describe it to myself, leastways to the world.

You don't have to think of yourself as intersex just because you have PCOS. But if you do, i'm grateful to the community that accepts you. At the end of the day, the human body is a strange thing. You may share situations or symptoms with somebody. Remember nothing is a unique experience, no matter how it feels. It's nice to have a community for support.

Just. Be kind.

We're all kinds of fucked up. That's why we're together.

[that-darn-clown]

okay, sad ask now.

Henry and William's childhoods!! (plus how they met each other)

Henry:

grew up in a Very rural town in Utah (not Hurricane). like we're talking most people are farmers and there probably isn't more than 100-200 people living here. considering the time period (late 30's-early 40's), makes sense.

this poor guy's bio dad sucked. like he was horrible.

has an older sister named Jen :] (< canonical to the books, i'm sure)

he had only a few stuffed animals growing up: Teddy (bear, obviously), Theodore (rabbit), Dawn (chicken; technically a rooster but Henry didn't give a fuck), and Cooper (fox; fell apart often because it was the oldest of all the toys).

those lil guys would become his inspiration to make the OG Freddy's Gang.

he shipped Teddy and Theodore together, despite growing up heavily religious. he'd just check around to make sure no one was watching them and then he'd go "hehe now Kiss :3"

well. time for a bit of Projection. so like. Henry's Transmasc. now uh while doing some research because i remembered that there are some things that can cause facial hair (or "abnormal hair growth," as some sites call it where women grow hair on places where they either aren't supposed grow much/noticeable hair or any hair at all) in women. did some research, might have PCOS but with more...milder symptoms? idk because some of the symptoms/signs aren't things that i deal with personally. but the hair and the acne stuff matches up and we'll leave it there for now. but anyway, so there's that: Henry starting growing some facial hair (coincidentally a few months before realizing that. he May not be a girl, actually), and because he thought it was cool and because well he's already kind of a social outcast anyway so why not am i right? he decided to keep it.

dad got thrown in jail for fighting and almost killing someone in a bar fight, and his mom remarried. stepdad was much better :]

got his interest in mechanics and robotics from old sci-fi movies and having to fix stuff like his bike and some of the electricity and wiring in the house (mostly 'cause it Sucked).

time for college came around, and well...his stepdad knew some people who were willing to help with his transition as much as they could in like the 50's-60's. got his boy some top surgery, what technically would count as a "fake ID" (Henry and his stepdad would call it an "updated ID," though. which in a way they aren't wrong about), and then sent him off to college!

he 100% gives off the vibes of going down the "weird "girl" who later discovered they weren't a girl at all" to "goofy but Very autistic father" pipeline. i accept no criticism on this, he just Does.

yes he is a furry. Fredbear is in fact his fursona.

William:

hoo fucking BOY did this guy's parents SUCK.

like if you ever wonder why Rewrite!William's Like That as an adult, you've just got to look at his childhood.

his parents were distant and neglectful At Best, and physically + verbally abusive At Worst.

unfortunately for him, something that certainly didn't help matters was that He Was Autistic As Hell. sensory issues, couldn't understand social cues to save his life (still can't, tbh), and just in general was...odd.

some would've called him "eccentric," maybe. had an odd interest in rabbits, in drawing. he was always rather quiet, staring in an almost unnerving way at the walls or just on someone by accident. but mention anything he enjoyed, and he'd talk your ear off.

despite all of this, he was well-loved by teachers. charming lil guy, y'know? not exactly popular with most of the other kids, though...but effectively a Teacher's Pet, pretty much. not that he minded much, either; "If they can tell me something I haven't already heard from my parents, maybe I'll start listening." (< something that concerned the Fuck out of his art teacher once, fun fact!)

used to cry a lot as a kid; got him bullied often :(

parents were rich, and he had a lot of siblings (three sisters and two brothers; loved each other but acted rather distant :().

after a lot of begging from Will, on his 6th birthday, his parents got him a pet rabbit (mostly because they wanted him to shut the fuck up about it) that he named "O'Hare" (familiar sounding name, ain't it?).

and God, did that kid love that rabbit. took the best care of him he could. played with him with whatever spare time he had. he adored O'Hare.

of course...William never had the best luck as a child. when he was eight years old, a couple of friends of one of his older brothers had come over to hang out. they had found William drawing while talking to O'Hare, decided to mess around a bit, and...well, they were a bit too rough with the rabbit, we'll put it that way.

despite his brother getting rightfully pissed at those two for y'know. Killing His Brother's Pet Rabbit, even if it was technically an accident, and trying to comfort his brother, William is inconsolable.

of course, not that his parents understand that this isn't something William's just going to get over in a few days; they're just pissed off and annoyed that their son won't stop crying (to give an example, something his father said, "It's just a stupid rabbit, William! Now stop your whining and bitching!").

of course, William never really got over it that quickly. he practically closed himself off, escaping into doing art to ignore his grief and give himself something to distract himself. and he starts drawing his dead bunny as a new character: this time, as an actual hare. and anthropomorphic. look, William had been watching old Disney cartoons and Looney Tunes, also as a way of comforting himself. and maybe he got inspired a bit...maybe a way to immortalize his old rabbit. heck, who knows, maybe he could become an animator and rival Walt himself!

or, maybe, as he starts drawing and thinking more and more...a way to become his old rabbit? (< aka William is a furry. and a therian. maybe even ockin? well uh....if it works as a coping mechanism, then it works, i guess?)

at least...until his family discovered his sketchbook. and decided that the Best Course Of Action is to send their clearly grieving son to a BOARDING SCHOOL. when he was NINE.

and we ain't talking about a "teachers are kinda strict and you're expected to keep your grades up" boarding school. we're talking a "you will get your ass beat for something as small as accidentally dropping your PENCIL" boarding school.

because their other option is probably taking him to a psychiatrist and having to deal with the public humiliation that having an openly mentally ill family member at that time would cause (which gee guys, I WONDER WHOSE FAULT THAT IS?? I WONDER WHY YOUR SON HAS ISSUES??).

so they send him off, and uh. that goes as well as you'd expect: the letters are practically constant, talking about William's ever-worsening behavior problems. at first, he just clammed up and kept to himself, and anytime it came to corporal punishment, they mention that he hardly ever flinches. then...it got worse. he'd have breakdowns, usually at bedtime, and it would wake other students up. he'd get violent with bullies, not even caring for the consequences. he was always closed off, only ever happy during an art class. even stranger, despite the behavior problems...his grades never suffered. they don't understand it.

eventually, when he's fifteen, they send him home. they decided "yep. we're not dealing with him on the Teenager Hormones. he's Y'all's problem again." (< ignore that this is taking place in England)

his behavior problems? never get any better while he's still at home: his emotions are volatile now. he's sad? everyone in the damn house is gonna hear it from his bedroom. he's angry? hope no one was attached to that glass cup he was holding, because it's broken now.

the family just decides to move over to America (i'd say maybe either Virginia or NY. don't ask why, those are the vibes i'm getting), because i think they're starting to realize They Fucked Up Somewhere and decided maybe a change of scenery would help William. It Really Didn't, But They Tried.

when he turns 18, they just buy him a car, give him a bunch of money, and send him off into the world; "Go to college. Or don't. We don't really care what you do at this point, we just don't want you here."

he just scoffs and decides that he'll go away. far away for college, somewhere where his family isn't breathing down his neck and he can just be himself, and just try things out. see what sticks.

not really like he wants to stay here, anyway.

(this man is also Not cis. probably some flavor of nonbinary. or even some form of rabbit/hare xenogender, purely 'cause it would fit. he'd like it/its pronouns and neopronouns, i'd think)

and now, fucking finally:

College:

they both only really found out that they'd been assigned as roommates when Henry finally arrived at the room. it was. an awkward first couple of hours.

they found out that they had pretty similar schedules, and a lot of the same classes, and. Well, Ain't That Convenient!

William goes back to being his old eccentric self, a rather dramatic man. he and Henry both took a drama class, but for different reasons (William because he could just be himself and Henry so that he could come out of his shell a bit).

they both found out about each other's fursonas and expected the other to go "ew cringe" but. they both found it pretty cool! (it definitely made Will happy, considering he'd been called a weirdo for that his entire life)

then pretty shortly after that they looked at the fact that they both had some. creative ideas with those fursonas and other characters, and while William originally went with the "let's make an animated cartoon show! :D" (which, keep in mind, was his original childhood plan), Henry thought about the fact that they were both in some mechanics/robotics classes and went "actually, I have a better idea-" and that's how the idea for Freddy's/Fredbear's was originally born :]

Henry came out as trans to William and his (at the time) girlfriend, Claire, because he had decided to keep his flannel unbuttoned and Claire saw his top surgery scars. after a couple of minutes of nearly choking on water (because Henry literally decided to start his explanation with "Oh, these are from where I got my breasts cut off-" and it caught Will so off guard), William basically went "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S SO COOL????"

also, final fun fact: these two Have explored each other's bodies before. in college. it's how Henry discovered he was pan and how Will discovered he was bi. just a fun fact for you :]

and there we go!! finally done :] gotta go eat now see ya later bestie enjoy these

AAAHH being like "aw my poor bois :[" and then stumbling upon They Have Explored Each Other's Bodies is maybe the best experience of my life lmaooo. I really like them being early furries. The internet comes out and they join a furry chat room and are like "holy shit chat are you seeing this" (if they had just stayed normal and not. Ya know. Done murder by then)

But yeah ough. My sillies...

[mirukutchi]

Attempt 2 at writing this lol bc the first one got deleted by accident

I wanted to add my experience to that last post I rbed, bc it resonated with me, particularly the first part where men will call eachother 'girl' or 'feminine' as an insult(this is the only part im commenting on as i am not a transwoman so i have no input on that part of the post. )

I have pcos. I always have. I have a very strong masculine face/jawline. I always have. Ive always had a deep voice, as someone who was born a girl and identifies(at least in part) as a girl. I want this to be known bc its context lol

Guys are not the only ones who misgender as an insult, or to dehumanize others. Girls do it too.

When i was in elementary school i didnt have female friends bc all of them would laugh at me and say they didn't want to be friends with an 'ugly boy'

When i would go to the bathroom in-between classes, other girls would push me out, or yank me out physically and say that 'ugly boys' are not allowed in the girls bathroom.

My mom always made me have short hair, and she always made me wear jeans(and boy shirts bc they are more durable than girl clothes. This part was. Okay. I guess. I liked pokemon and ben 10 so my little brain didnt understand.) I was not allowed to have long hair and i was not allowed to wear dresses or skirts(ever since i was little ive wanted to wear only dresses but i was not allowed to...)

I talked like a baby(high pitched voice) for a good part of my childhood bc i knew that my voice was ugly and deep. When i started to go to speech therapy, i started speaking ""normally"" and my voice got so deep... i remember one of the last times i used my baby voice it was with a teacher and another student, and the student said "hey teacher, listen to (deadname?)'s REAL voice, she sounds just like a boy!"

That was a defining moment in my life.

In middle school, when i still wasnt allowed to have long hair and dresses, girls in my health class would look at me and laugh and whisper about how im actually a boy, and that i shouldnt be there. My face started changing too, my jaw got stronger... my voice got deeper.

I think in highschool people were too focused on other things to really bother me too much, plus people *generally* by that time knew me as a sweet and quiet person, not to mention i was the 'art kid' so that gained me some friends lol, also by highschool i was allowed to grow my hair out, down to my butt almost! And i was allowed to wear dresses and skirts and leggings(mostly leggings at that time bc i was still super skinny lol)

After highschool i had a crisis and shaved my head and tried out being a guy(ftm) but it was, personally, an identity crisis. I didnt know who i was, i had been abused, emotionally and sexually, all through high school by a guy i thought was my friend(i wish i had left sooner...) so i was struggling with what was 'me' plus i thought to myself 'everyone calls me a guy anyway so fuck it' but it gave me advanced dysphoria to be a guy :/

My hair is long now. Past my butt, i can sit on it. I only, exclusively, wear skirts and dresses. I wear a skirt to work bc i begged them to let me(i have autism and pants are a sensory nightmare but also i hate the way i look in them also i will look more like a guy)

Do you know how often i get misgendered? Admittedly not often, but it still happens. Usually its kids, but sometimes i get people calling me 'sir'. I want to scoff and be like 'how can they mistake someone with long braided pigtails and a dress for being a man' and then i remember my childhood.

Also im not writing this to detract from trans experiences, im writing my own experience as a woman-thing with pcos(if you dont know, it basically means that the cysts on my reproductive organs cause me to produce extra testosterone and not enough estrogen) who has frequently been misgendered by other girls

I want to clarify that im also only responding to the first part of the post, im not trying to say my experiences are in some way comparative to trans experiences!

Terfs do NOT touch this post ill shoot you on sight!!!!! Pew pew!!!

[chiriwritesstuff]

The Girl in IT- 8. The Panic! in the Breakroom (Christine's Version)

A Boss! Joel Miller x IT Specialist F! Reader AU

The LIST │ Series Masterlist

Chapter Rating: M

Chapter Summary: Joel and Sugar spend some time apart and have serious conversations about their relationship's future. Everything is about to change...

Chapter Warnings and Tags: No outbreak AU, Boss x Employee Relationship, Sugar Daddy Lite, Reckless Driving, Talks about Periods and Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) and all of the shitty things that could happen with it including blood loss, miscarriage, and painful pregnancies, Someone gets punched (it's Joel, he gets socked in the face), Sugar takes a backseat as chaos ensues, Badass Ellie Miller, Ellie is going through it, Joel is going through it, Sugar's going through it!, Badass Survivalist Bill to the rescue, There is no smut in this chapter (like at all), no beta we die like men!

Word Count: 8.2 K

A/N: Here it is, the first chapter of my big rework, as I mentioned in this post. If you've read the original posting of this chapter, you know it ended with a surprise pregnancy and a proposal. As much as I know many of you enjoyed that outcome, it was also a departure from my true intentions for Sugar and Joel's relationship timeline, which set off a chain reaction for this story. I was afraid of alienating my readers- I thought by avoiding a darker or more heartbreaking storyline, I wouldn't upset anyone and felt like giving a happy ending to this chapter was the right move. Upon reflection, I started to regret it. Trying to censor myself out of fear of losing readers and not staying true to myself is not the way to go, and I've learned from this lesson.

There is a massive plot change in this chapter. Most of the story is the same, but I have included several pivotal moments with Joel and Sugar that will change the tone of the rest of the series. I do promise that we will be getting our happy ending, just at a different pace. This chapter does have some triggering moments, so please read the tags before reading. I also want to note that chapters 9 and 10 will be completely rewritten. I have set those chapters to private as I continue to rework them, and I hope to get those chapters out promptly before we dive into 'My Wife in IT'. Thank you so much for reading and for sticking around. I really do appreciate it.

"The conference should only be a few days, baby," Joel reassures you, planting a soft kiss on your forehead before disappearing into the walk-in closet to grab a flannel.

As he starts getting dressed, he catches your lingering gaze and teases, "See something you like, baby?" A mischievous smirk plays on his lips as he zips up his jeans.

Unable to resist, you slide out of bed and join him. Wrapping your arms around him from behind, you pout and playfully protest, "Do you really need to go, though?" You reach around him to button up his shirt, meeting his gaze in the mirror. "The bed will feel so empty without you... and it's kind of weird being here alone."

"Well, with Ellie being in the house I bet you'll hardly feel alone, hell, I can just see her attached to your hip the whole time," Joel replies, spinning around and pulling you into the warmth of his broad chest, kissing the top of your head. "You won't even notice I'm gone when she's around, she'll keep you on your toes plenty."

"Have you spent time with Ellie lately? You know anything could happen when she's around."

Joel smirks, "You've got a point there. I still need to fix the oven from her latest kitchen mishap. But hey, don't stress. If you bring Sir Bubbles along, she'll be entertained for days. It's like she's more attached to him than she is to both of us combined."

"But do you have to go, Joel?" you protest once more, "I'm sure Tommy can handle things; he's a big boy."

Joel raises an intrigued eyebrow. "Bigger than me, Mami?" he murmurs, giving you a little pout.  

"No one is bigger than you, Papi," you tease, giving him a wink. Gazing up at the ceiling, a sudden wave of unease twists your expression. You find yourself clutching at your middle, groaning slightly in pain.

"Baby? Are you okay?" Joel is suddenly at your side, his face etched with concern. He pushes your hair out of your face, giving you a small smile.  

"I don't want to call it, but I think my period is coming," you reply sadly. 

"You would think with all of the times we've tried to get pregnant, surely it would take," you sigh, frowning as you stare at the ceiling, not wanting to face Joel and his disappointment. "I'm sorry, Papi."

"Why are you apologizing to me, Sugar? We have all the time in the world! Besides, I'm loving all of the attempts," he wiggles his eyebrows, pressing a kiss on your forehead. I'm more concerned about your health than anything else, okay?"

"Okay. I'm just worried because we're not getting any younger, and I don't think your knees can handle chasing a toddler," You tease, pulling him into a slow and languid kiss.  

"I'll have you know, all of this sex we've been having has given me a new lease on life, I haven't worked out so much in my damn life! I'm in my prime, baby." Joel runs a hand through his hair as he walks over to the bedroom door, scanning the hallway for Ellie. He turns back to look at you on the bed. "Promise me you'll see a doctor if you get any worse?"

"I can't make any promises-"

"Sugar, I'm serious. If you start to get worse, you call Ellie and have her take you to the doctor. I mean it, baby. Please. Just put my mind at ease, okay?"  

"Okay."

"Ellie!" Joel's voice echoes down the hallway. "Come here for a second!"

"Yeah?" Ellie pops her head out of her bedroom door. "Are you heading out now?" She strolls out, securing her hair into a ponytail as she settles beside you on Joel's bed. "Hey, why don't we swing by your place after the old man leaves to pick up my buddy? I can't wait for Sir Bubbles to see his new cat jungle!"

You flinch slightly, adjusting into a seated position next to Ellie. "Sure thing. We can grab some lunch on the way, too."

Joel clears his throat, retrieving something from his dresser and handing it to you with a smile. "I've been meaning to give this to you sooner, but since I'm leaving for a few days-"

You open the envelope he hands you, eyes widening at the realization that he's giving you an American Express card that matches his, your name etched onto the metal surface. "Woah, Joel, I don't think this is necessary-"

"If you're going to be spending time under this roof while I'm gone, I don't want you using your own money for things like groceries and necessities, especially if it's for you and Ellie. Use this card while I'm away; go to the mall and go wild," he glances at Ellie, who grins conspiratorially. "But no more guitars, Ellie. Not after the last time."

"How was I supposed to know the guitar was $10,000? The one in your office is twice the amount, I swear!" Ellie groans, knocking her shoulder against yours. "I'm sure Sugar will keep me in check, you have nothing to worry about, old man!"

"Hey, are you ready yet, asshole?" Tommy's voice suddenly booms from the front door. "We needed to head to Waco ten minutes ago!" he exclaims.

Joel sticks his head out of his bedroom door. "Yeah, just give me a damn second!" Grabbing his weekender duffle, he presses a kiss on your cheek. "Okay baby, I need to go. I'll see you in two days, okay?"

"Okay," you reply with a smile, pulling him into a kiss. "... and don't worry, nothing bad is going to happen to me, okay? Promise."

"Reservation for Miller," Joel tells the hotel receptionist, retrieving his wallet from his back pocket to produce his Amex. "It should be under Joel Miller."

"Welcome back Mr. Miller!" The receptionist beams, tapping away at her computer. "Let me just pull up your reservation. Give me a moment... Ah, yes, reservation for Joel Miller, one room, two keys."

"Wait, hold on," Tommy interjects, nudging Joel aside. "What do you mean one room?"

"The reservation for Miller only indicates one room," the receptionist replies with a sweet smile, her head cocked to one side.

"Well, there must be some mistake, miss." Joel's brows furrow with concern.

The receptionist glances at the screen, her brow furrowing slightly. "I apologize for any confusion, but that's how it's listed in our system. One room, two keys for Mr. Joel Miller."

Tommy exchanges a perplexed look with Joel, a touch of frustration evident. "Look, we need two separate rooms. Must've been a mix-up. Can you check again or maybe offer us an additional room?"

The receptionist hesitates for a moment before typing away on her keyboard. "I'm sorry for the inconvenience. Let me see if there's anything available." After a brief pause, she looks up. "I'm afraid we're fully booked tonight, with the conference and all, and the reservation is for a single room. Is there anything else I can assist you with?"

"Please tell me there's at least a cot or a pull-out couch in the room," Tommy groans, shaking his head.

The Receptionist hesitates, giggling awkwardly. "Well, there's a king-size bed? I guess it's pretty spacious?" 

Joel and Tommy exchange glances, silently communicating their dissatisfaction with the situation. "Alright, fine," Joel concedes with a sigh. "We'll make do with what we have. But this better not become a habit."

The receptionist offers an apologetic smile. "I assure you, Mr. Miller, we'll do our best to make your stay enjoyable. If you need anything else, please don't hesitate to ask."

Joel and Tommy head towards the elevator, resigned to share a room for the night. As they walk away, Joel mutters to Tommy, "We'll sort this out tomorrow. Let's just get some rest for now."

"I guess it'll be like old times, brother, sharing a room and all," Tommy grunts. "I swear, if you snuggle up with me or fart in the sheets, I'll punch you right in the balls."

"If my memory serves me right, weren't you the one sneaking into my bed when things got a bit dicey in the night?" Joel retorts, arching an eyebrow while casually checking his emails on his iPhone. "Oh, Joel, I'm so scared of the boogeyman, can I sleep with you tonight?!" he imitates in an attempt at a childish voice, smirking.  

"It's really gonna be like that, huh? You're gonna play that card? What about that time after we watched 'A Nightmare on Elm Street'? Weren't you begging Mama to let you sleep in her bed, thinking Freddy's gonna suck you up from your bed like Johnny Depp? Am I gonna wake up to you screaming?"

"Oh, go fuck yourself, Tommy, you ass-" The elevator dings to their floor, a family staring back at them. Tommy clears his throat, navigating around the family, shooting Joel a look as he heads to the room. "Evenin'," Joel murmurs, tipping his head to the family. "Excuse me."

Tommy is already in the room by the time Joel casually strolls in, rummaging through the welcome basket the conference organizers had prepared for Joel. "Well, it's nice of you to grace us with your presence, 'Mr. Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year 2023,'" he teases, extracting a bottle of Johnny Walker. "At least they give you the decent shit." Taking a swig straight from the bottle, he hands it over to Joel.

"Nah, I'm not drinking tonight," Joel murmurs, dropping his weekender unceremoniously on the floor as he plops onto the bed, pinching the space between his eyebrows. "I want to stay sober just in case Sugar calls me."

Tommy takes another swig, settling on the couch beside the window with a view of the city of Waco. "I noticed that she was looking a bit pale. Something going on?"

"She told me that she's about to start her period, I'm assuming that they can be quite an ordeal," Joel muses, glancing at his phone screen displaying a photo of you and him at your birthday dinner. A smile creeps across his face as he observes the image, capturing the moment when you kissed his cheek while he smiled at the camera. "I just have a really weird feeling like something's wrong," he groans, stretching his back onto the mattress.

"Well, Sugar's a big girl; I'm sure she'll be okay. Hell, I know how periods go, with Maria and all. Maybe I'll have her check in just in case." Tommy looks out of the window. "This is nice, you know. The two of us. Feels like it's been ages since we've done something like this."

"That's because the last time we were like this, it was your bachelor weekend in Vegas, and you ditched me and fucked off on some strip club crawl with your friends," Joel chides. "Then you had the fucking audacity to crawl into my bed, only to throw up on me in the middle of the night."

"I told you I was sorry! Shit, you could have come out with us, but you were still hung up on Sugar, even then. I don't know if that girl knows just how much you've loved her all these years."

"All that matters is she knows how much I love her now. Besides, I think it's only a matter of time before I ask her to marry me," Joel muses, revealing a ring from his jeans pocket.

Tommy's eyes widen at the sight of the diamond ring, whistling. "Shit, Joel, you're serious. How many carats is that puppy?"

"Just about 2 carats. Do you think she'll like it?" Joel asks nervously.

"I think she would say yes even without that rock; the girl's been crazy about you."

"I'm scared shitless, to be honest," Joel murmurs. "Never would have thought I would be put in this situation again, getting married and all... wondering if it's the right thing to do since my first marriage crashed and burned."

"Well, it's not like you married for love the first time around," Tommy muses, taking another swig.

"Now I have a second lease on life, time to get married for real. For love, this time."

"So, you get the girl, you ask her to marry you. But what about after that?" Tommy asks, taking another swig of Jimmy Bean. "... are you guys planning on having any kids? Do you want any more kids? You're not getting any younger, brother. Surely you don't want to be chasing some toddler when you're pushing 60-"

"I mean, we talked about the prospect of having kids, Sugar's only 36. I'm not gonna deny her of something she may want because I'm older than her." Joel responds with a heavy sigh. "Truthfully, I would give her anything she wanted, no questions asked... but sometimes I think to myself, what about our kids? I don't want to die before they become adults, you know?"

"... but is kids something that she wants? Sugar's a beautiful woman, surely if she wanted a family, she would have already gotten one, you know?" Tommy muses, chuckling to himself. "Maybe she would have gotten her head out of her ass sooner and sought you out beforehand."

"What are you trying to say, Tommy?"

"I'm saying, maybe before you ask her to marry you, you both have all of your cards on the table, brother."

"What if she wants kids, though? What if she wants a family, and I'm too old to give it to her? I don't want to lose her, I can't lose her. Not when I've just gotten her. I didn't work hard for these last ten years only for me to lose the girl because I can't give her what she wants."

"I have a feeling you don't have to worry about losing her, Joel. I do think that you should talk to her, at least."

Joel nods, a knot forming in his stomach as he contemplates Tommy's words. "Yeah, you're right. I need to have an honest conversation with Sugar about this. I owe her that much."

Tommy claps Joel on the shoulder, offering a reassuring smile. "She loves you, man. Just be open and honest with her, and I'm sure you two will figure it out together."

"Yeah, I hope so," Joel murmurs, a mixture of determination and anxiety swirling within him.

"So, what's the plan for dinner tonight?" Ellie asks, idly toying with Sir Bubbles by the towering cat tree in the family room. "I was thinking of whipping up some homemade Hot Pockets. I saw Sam snacking on them the other day, and they smelled divine!"

"You know, Ellie, you could just buy them at Randalls for $2 instead of going through the trouble of making them."

"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" She grabs her phone, tapping away at Safari. "I found a great recipe that seems easy enough! Why don't we head to Randalls and grab the ingredients I need?"

"The whole beauty of Hot Pockets is the convenience," you groan, shifting on the sofa while flipping through channels. You wince as you manage to sit up. "You're not one to do things half-assed, are you?"

"I'm a Miller; we don't do things halfway. We must embrace chaos in all its glory, you know?" She glances at you from the corner of her eye, frowning at your pained form. "Are you sure you're okay? You look really uncomfortable sitting there."

You offer her a small smile through the discomfort. "Yeah, I'm just fine. It's that time of the month for me, always a bit uncomfortable."

Ellie nods in agreement. "Yeah, I hate it when I have my period. The cramps, especially! How do you deal with it? Midol?"

"Well, I have a condition that makes periods hell for me," you admit. 

"PCOS is a beast I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. It's like period symptoms on steroids, honestly. Bad cramps, nausea, heavy period flow, the whole nine yards and then some."

Ellie frowns at that. "How long have you had PCOS?"

"Since my mid-twenties?" you muse, scrolling through your phone. "It's been a while, that's for sure."

"Bullshit! That's like a decade! How can you deal with such painful periods like that every month? I would be yelling at the doctors to rip my uterus out!" Ellie pets Sir Bubbles, her face deep in thought. "I heard that women who have PCOS have a hard time conceiving. Is that why you haven't had any kids yet?"

You snort. "Yeah, well, I haven't been trying to have kids, either."

"But I bet it's different now that you're with Joel, huh? I bet he's been wanting to knock you up since you agreed to be with him," she smirks. "I mean, for someone who built his own house, you'd think he would insulate the walls a little more, make it more soundproof-"

"Ellie-" you grit through your teeth, cheeks burning with embarrassment.

"What? I know it's just human nature to want to be intimate with your partner-"

"Ellie, deciding to have kids is a big step in any relationship. It's something that changes your life forever."

"...and is that something you want, Sugar? To have kids?"

"I don't know what I want, really," you respond truthfully, shrugging. "I never really allowed myself to think about the future like this before, and now that I'm with Joel... it's making me question whether or not I would be a good mother. I... I didn't grow up in the most nurturing home when I was a kid, but I do remember promising myself that if I were to have any kids, I wouldn't raise them the way my parents did."

"That's understandable," Ellie quips thoughtfully, settling herself into the couch as she faces you. "I don't think I would ever want kids. It seems so freaking scary and overwhelming; I can't fathom the kind of pressure you're feeling about it. Have you talked to Joel about this?"

"We've talked about it," you admit, the weight of uncertainty evident in your voice. "I don't know if he wants kids, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready. I don't know if I'll ever be ready, you know? I'm scared of disappointing him. What if he sees it as a deal-breaker?"

Ellie nods sympathetically, her demeanor softening. "I get it, Sugar. It's a tough spot to be in. But Joel loves you for you, not for whether you want kids or not. And if he's the right guy, he'll understand your concerns and respect your feelings. Joel's a lot, but I know that this man would do anything for you. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Trust me, I live with the guy."

You exhale slowly, feeling a bit lighter with Ellie's reassurance. "Thanks, Ellie. I guess I need to talk to Joel and figure things out."

"Exactly," Ellie responds with a hopeful smile. "Communication is key. Just be honest with him, and who knows? Maybe you two can find a way through this together."

"You know, you're pretty wise for a little shit, but I do appreciate the words of wisdom, Ellie Bellie. Maybe you're not so bad after all," you tease, a chuckle escaping your lips. "Thanks for the armchair therapy. Should we get a move on to buy the ingredients for these hot pockets of yours?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ellie sighs. "We might as well head to Target, so we can get some Midol too. Grab your key; I'm driving! Can't have you navigating these streets in your condition. Plus, I've been meaning to take the Tessie out on a joyride!"

The next morning, you wake up to find blood on the sheets. Panic grips you as a sharp, stabbing pain surges through your lower body, causing you to double over in agony. You suppress tears as you carefully slip out of Joel's bed, realizing that your flow was so heavy it soaked through to the mattress. Gathering the sheets, you remove your stained pajamas and underwear, wrapping yourself in a towel to avoid waking Ellie down the hall.

On tiptoes, you make your way to the laundry room, groaning with each step. After depositing the soiled linens and clothes into the wash, you hobble back to Joel's bedroom. Sighing, you enter the bathroom and draw a hot bath. Glancing at your phone, it's 5:34 am. You meet your reflection in the mirror, eyes widening at the sight—your skin is pale and clammy. Quickly splashing water on your face, you try to shake off the discomfort.

You recall your recent FaceTime with Joel. You remember the sadness and concern in his eyes as he saw your pain. It's not like any period you've experienced before.

"Baby, I really think you should go to the ER," he pleads. "Wake Ellie up, have her take you-"

"It's just my period, Joel," you assure him, smiling through the pain to ease his worry. "Sometimes they get really bad, maybe this time is one of those times."

"I just wish you wouldn't be so stubborn, Mami. This is really concerning, maybe I should drive back-"

"I just think I should sleep it off. If it's not any better, I'll go to the hospital, okay? Sleep makes everything better," you promise, knowing your stubbornness may hold true. It's not new to you, but how is Joel to know?

"I wish I could keep you on FaceTime all night, just to make sure you're okay, but I don't want to keep you up with all of Tommy's snoring-"

"I'll be fine, baby, don't worry. You have a big day tomorrow, Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year," you tease, hoping to divert the conversation. "I love you so much, Papi. I wish you were here with me."

"I wish I was too, baby," Joel smiles. "Call me tomorrow? And please, if it doesn't get any better-"

"... I'll go straight to the doctor. I promise."

"Hey, Sugar, you don't look too hot."

"I'm fine, Ellie. Just a little headache," you assure her, managing a weak smile while holding up your Owala water bottle. "Probably just dehydrated, nothing a little water can't fix. I also got my period last night, and it always gives me problems. It's just a bit heavier than usual."

Ellie eyes you with concern. "Maybe it's time we get it checked out. Joel did say-"

"I know, Ellie, but I'm already behind on my reports, and Tess will flip if I don't finish them by the end of the day. I'll tough it out. If it gets worse, I promise I'll get myself checked out. I'll even let you drive me there, okay? Let's just keep this between us for now. I wouldn't want to bother Joel by being a baby about period cramps."

"Well, could you at least try to eat something? I swear the last time I saw you eat was yesterday. Joel's gonna kill me if something happens to you, and I really don't need that kind of stress right now. Not before the apprentice exam," Ellie urges, sliding her glass container into the microwave. "Besides, you can try out the Hot Pockets we made last night!"

"Isn't this supposed to be the other way around? I'm the adult in this equation; I should be looking over you, not the other way around," you chuckle. "What would Joel say if he saw us right now?"

"He would give us his best frowny face and bridal carry you out of here, taking you to the doctor," she replies, taking the seat across from you. "I'm not lying when I tell you that you look sick as hell. You should be at home, resting! I'm really worried about you, Sugar. For real this time. You need to at least eat something so you don't pass out!"

She places one of her creations on a plate, presenting it in front of you with a flourish as she begins to devour her own, inhaling it in a few bites. "Damn, that was good," she exclaims to herself, leaning back in her chair, taking a sip of her Baja Blast. "Come on, Sugar," she pleads, "Eat!"

You take a deep breath as you eye the hot pocket, your stomach churning at the overwhelming smell. With a hesitant smile, you lift it off your plate, taking a small, careful bite to avoid offending Ellie. "Mmm," you say softly, placing it back onto your plate. "You really outdid yourself this time, Ellie!" you commend, pushing the plate away. However, the effort to conceal your discomfort becomes futile as your head starts to spin when you attempt to stand.

Ellie's eyes widen as she quickly rises from her seat. "Sugar-"

"Ellie, I'll be right-"

Before you can reach the door, everything turns black.

"Sugar!" Ellie screams, dropping to her knees as she attempts to lift you, panic evident in her voice. "Somebody, help!"

Bill bursts through the door in an instant, his eyes wild as he assesses the situation. "What the hell happened?"

"I don't know!" Ellie exclaims, cradling your head in her lap as tears stream down her face. "She wasn't looking too good, so I gave her a hot pocket, and she took one bite and fainted! What am I going to do? Joel's going to freak!"

"Bill?" Frank calls out as he enters the breakroom. "What the hell is going on?!"

"Frank," he says calmly, "Call 911. Tell them that someone passed out." He turns his attention back to Ellie, his eyes focused. "Ellie, do you know if she hit her head?" Ellie is frozen in place, her breathing erratic, the weight of the situation settling in.

"Ellie!" Bill shouts, trying to maintain control. "Focus! Did she hit her head or not?"

"I don't know!" she says shakily, her hands trembling. "Everything happened so fast!"

"Bill," Frank says uneasily, "She's bleeding," he points to your lower body, his eyes widening in fear. "It's a lot of blood, fuck, is she... what if-"

"Fuck this!" Bill mutters, urgency in his voice as he picks up your limp body. "Frank, get the van, we need to go to the hospital, NOW." He looks over at Ellie, who is crying uncontrollably. "Ellie, call Joel."

"But Sugar begged me not to call Joel-"

"Joel won't forgive you if you keep him in the dark. Get him on the phone, NOW," he commands, darting towards the door behind Frank. "... and pick up the pace! You're coming with us!"

Ellie grabs her phone from her back pocket, her hands shaking as she scrambles to call Joel. She curses as it goes straight to voicemail. "He's not answering! It's going straight to voicemail-"

"THEN CALL TOMMY, ELLIE!" he shouts as Frank parks near the entrance, engine still running. He hurries out of the driver's seat, opening the back door. "Ellie, sit here! I need you to elevate her head!" 

Ellie jumps into the car, phone in hand. Bill gently places you in the van, positioning your head across Ellie's lap. "Keep it elevated, okay?" Ellie nods, looking at you with concern. "Do you think she's going to be okay?" she whispers, placing a hand on your cheek. "This is all my fault-"

"Ellie," Bill says, heading toward the driver's seat. "This is not the time for that," he steps on the gas, swerving to avoid an oncoming vehicle. "Put Tommy on the phone, now!"

Ellie fumbles with her phone, quickly dialing Tommy's number. As the line rings, Bill navigates the van through the chaotic streets, tension thick in the air.

"Come on, Tommy, pick up," Ellie mutters anxiously, glancing at you still cradled in her lap. After a few tense moments, Tommy's voice crackles through the phone.  

"Ellie? What's happening?"

"It's Sugar. We're on our way to the hospital. Something's wrong," Ellie replies, her voice shaky. "I tried to call Joel but it's going straight to voicemail! Could you put him on the line? Please!"

"Shit, Ellie-" Tommy stammers, "He's about to go on stage-"

"What's going on?" Joel notices Tommy's unease. "Who is it?"

Tommy hesitates as he puts the phone on speaker. "It's Ellie, something's happened at the office-"

"Joel? Dad?" Ellie cries, her voice quivering.

"Ellie? Baby girl, what's wrong?" Joel asks worriedly, peering out to the stage as the emcee begins. "Baby, what's going on?!"

"It's Sugar, something happened at lunch-" she sobs, looking down at your pale form.

Tommy's eyes widen as he witnesses Joel's demeanor change rapidly. "Ellie, what happened to Sugar?" he soothes, trying to get her to calm down through her sobs. "Come on baby, breathe-"

"She passed out at work! I know, she shouldn't have gone in, but she swore that she was fine! I tried to get her to eat something and she looked sick all of a sudden... and then she was on the ground, bleeding! It all happened so fast, I swear! I'm so sorry, Dad! It's all my fault!" she cries.

"Joel," Bill cuts in, honking as he narrowly misses a car he overtakes. "I'm heading over to Austin General, ETA 2 minutes. She's lost a lot of blood." He runs a red light, a barrage of horns erupting from the maneuver. "I don't know what's going on, but I'm going to get her there."

"You're driving her there? Why didn't you call 911?" Joel demands.

"They would have taken too long, Joel. Minutes we do not have. Trust me, I'll get her there faster than they could," Bill hesitates. "Joel, I think she's-" The line cuts off as Ellie's phone dies.  

"BILL? ELLIE??!" Joel screams into the phone frantically as he runs his hand through his hair. He tries to call Ellie back, only to be met with voicemail. "Fuck!" he shouts, trying to call Bill. "Why aren't they answering?"

"Joel, you're gonna have to tell me what the fuck is going on-"

"Sugar collapsed at work. They're on their way to Austin General now. Grab your shit, we're leaving."

[and it's with my great pleasure to introduce you to our keynote speaker and Austin's Entrepreneur of the Year, Joel Miller!]

"Okay Mr. Miller," the assistant interrupts, hand on his earpiece. "You're up!"

"I have a family emergency, I need to leave," Joel replies, attempting to make a quick exit.

"No can do, Mr. Miller; it's your turn!" The assistant insists, pushing Joel towards the door.

"Are you deaf?!" Joel shouts, forcefully removing the assistant's hands from him. "I already told you, my wife is being taken to the hospital right now-"

"Just get on stage, say your piece for five minutes, and then you can go straight to the hospital," the assistant insists, shoving Joel towards the door, unfazed.

Joel's frustration boils over, and he shoves the assistant back, his anger reaching its peak. "Listen, I don't give a damn about your schedule! My wife needs me, and I'm not wasting another second here!"

The assistant, angered by Joel's defiance, clenches his fists. "You're not going anywhere until you fulfill your obligations. This is important!"

"Joel, we don't have time for this!" Tommy grits, glaring at the assistant. "If we leave now, we can miss the rush on 1-35."

The assistant grabs Joel's forearm, pulling him as he makes his way towards the door that leads to the stage. "You're getting on that stage, give your fucking speech, and then you can fuck off and get to your little wife-"

Joel pulls himself out of his grasp. "Are you fucking kidding me? Don't put your hands on me!"  

The man glares at Joel. "Look asshole, we fucking paid for you to come here, and you're not going to make some half-assed excuse about your sick wife-"

Joel's patience snaps, and he throws a punch, hitting the guy square in the face. "Don't talk about my wife like that!"

"Fuck! You broke my fucking nose!" he shouts, tackling Joel to the ground. He manages to land one good punch before Tommy intervenes, pulling the man off of him and shoving him to the ground. "What the fuck is your problem, man?" he yells as he tries to get up.  

"Joel, are you okay? Come on, let's get the fuck out of here before they call someone!" Tommy hoists Joel onto his feet, his lip split and a bruise forming on his cheek. They run towards the parking garage, Tommy throwing his keys at Joel as they jump in, peeling out of the parking stall. At the corner of Joel's eyes, he sees security guards running along the lot, searching for them.  

"Stop!" one of the guards yells, trying to block the truck at the exit. Joel swerves around, narrowly avoiding the guard as they pass the parking attendant booth. He hits the gas, driving through the parking arms, pieces flying over the dashboard as they merge onto the main road. "Joel, think they'll chase us?" Tommy asks, the tension thick as they speed away. "I don't think Maria will appreciate watching us on a high-speed chase on the evening news-"

"Shut the fuck up, Tommy!" Joel cuts him off, navigating towards the freeway out of Waco, heading to Austin. "Just let me fucking concentrate on the road!"

"Slow down, Joel! Dying on the way there won't help anyone!" Tommy yells as Joel narrowly avoids a car while speeding down the freeway. Fortunately, no police cars are chasing them as they make their way towards Austin. "I can't believe that guy wanted to fight you, and you just started throwing punches!"

"Tommy, not now," Joel grits his teeth, gripping the wheel tightly. "I knew I should've stayed home. If I were there, then-"

Tommy's phone rings, displaying Sarah's face on the screen. He answers the Facetime call, and Sarah's concerned face fills the screen. "Where are you guys?" she asks nervously. "Ellie's phone died, but the hospital just called asking for information. You're her emergency contact, Dad."

"Do you know what's going on?" Joel inquires as he navigates down the freeway. "I don't have my phone, but we're on I-35 right now, should be there in about 30 minutes."

"They can't release any information because we're not family," she says hesitantly. "I'm legally supposed to call her parents, but-"

"You can't call them, Baby. She wouldn't want them there. Tell them she's my wife, and I'm on my way," Joel insists.

"Dad, I don't think we should lie about that-" Sarah expresses her concern.

"I'm all she has, baby. I can't be kept in the dark. Were you there when it happened?"

"No, but Dad, she was bleeding. There was a lot of blood-"

"Damn it!" Joel slams his hands on the steering wheel, his eyes wide as he overtakes a few cars, stepping on the gas. "I should've followed my gut and stayed home. She was already in pain when I left yesterday!"

"Well, speeding down the freeway isn't helping, Dad!" Sarah shouts through the phone. "We're all concerned for Sugar, not just you. I sent Tess to the hospital to bring chargers and Bill and Frank's phones. I need you to relax; it's not going to help her if you two get into an accident!"

"I can't help it, baby girl. I love her, and it's hard to think straight. All I'm thinking about is how scared I am. I can't lose her. I've already known how it feels losing her all these years; I don't think I can survive a second time."

"I know, Dad," Sarah replies. "Just get to her in one piece, okay? I'll let you know if I hear anything back."

"What do you mean I can't go in with her?" Ellie groans, attempting to keep pace with the gurney as they rush you down the hallway towards a room, with Bill and Frank following behind.

The doctor raises an eyebrow at her. "Are you her family?"

"She's my sister!" Ellie asserts. "I was adopted by her family!"

"Doctor," the nurse interjects urgently. "She's lost a lot of blood; she's going to need a transfusion... she might be in the middle of a hemorrhage-"

"If you know she needs a transfusion, then what are you waiting for?"

"The patient has O Negative, and we don't have any on hand-"

"I have O Negative!" Ellie tells the nurse, showing her wrist. "I found out my blood type after an accident as a kid. Take it from me, please!"

The doctor eyes Ellie warily. "... and you're sure she's your sister?"

"Not by blood, but by heart. Please, doctor. She's important to me, and I know she would do the same for me in a heartbeat," Ellie pleads.

The doctor sighs, nodding his head in agreement. "Fine, if you say that she's your sister, then I'll just take your word for it. Nurse, prep her for a blood draw. She's a match."

"Hey! You can't park here!" The hospital security guard shouts as Joel and Tommy hastily exit the car, leaving it right outside the ER. Joel sprints through the hospital, Tommy trailing behind him. He reaches the receptionist's stand, his chest heaving. "Where is she? Where is my wife?!" he demands, attempting to jump over the partition, with Tommy trying to hold him back.

"Sir, I'm going to need you to calm down," the receptionist replies, glaring at both of them. "I'm going to need a name."

Joel hesitates but states your first name, adding 'Miller' as your last. Tommy shoots him a look, signaling the obvious lie, but Joel gives him a warning glare. The receptionist's eyes narrow at Joel. "She was just brought in 20 minutes ago. She's currently under observation but will be put in a room soon. Should be room 203. You can wait for her if you'd like."

Joel breathes a sigh of relief. "Do you have any idea what's going on?"

"I don't, but the attending Doctor should be with her. He could answer any of your questions," she hands him a clipboard. "I'm going to need you to fill this out for me with her information, and then you can head down the hall and take a left. Her room should be a few doors down that corridor." She assesses his disheveled state. "Sir, are you needing assistance as well?"

"I'm fine," Joel dismisses her as he fills out the form. He takes out his Amex and hands it to the receptionist. "I don't have her insurance card, but please put all charges on this card."

The receptionist's eyes widen at the color of his Amex. "Certainly, sir."

Joel strides down the hallway towards room 203, catching a glimpse of Ellie in the room adjacent to yours, a nurse tending to her bandaged wrist. His heart lurches at the sight, but he pushes the worry aside for the moment. As he approaches your room, he sees Bill and Frank sitting on a nearby bench, their expressions heavy with concern. Frank rests his head on Bill's shoulder, a distant sadness clouding his eyes.

"Bill!" Joel's voice echoes in the hallway. "Thank you for bringing her here!" He notices their somber demeanor and furrows his brow. "What happened-"

Bill hesitates, his gaze flickering with reluctance. "Joel, I think it's best if you go inside and talk to the doctor," he suggests softly, his voice strained with emotion. "He'll be able to explain everything to you." He offers a weak smile, though it fails to mask the worry etched on his face. "Frank and I are gonna head back to the office, alright?"

"Yeah," Joel stammers, nodding. "Thanks again, Bill... for everything."

"Anytime, Joel," Bill responds, his eyes watery. "Take care of her, okay? She's gonna need you."

Joel's stomach churns with apprehension, but he nods in understanding. With a final glance at Bill and Frank, he takes a deep breath and steps into your room, steeling himself for whatever news awaits him. He nods as he walks into your hospital room, audibly gasping at the sight of you, unconscious. A doctor is tending to you, engaged in conversation with a nurse. He turns around at the sound of the gasp.

"Mr. Miller, I presume?"

"What's going on with her, Doc?" Joel asks, his face reflecting a mix of worry and tears.

The doctor eyes Joel silently, a heavy sigh escaping from his chest.  

"Why are you not telling me anything? She's my wife-"

The doctor, catching on to Joel's distress, gives a serious look. "Mr. Miller, let's maintain a level of seriousness here."

"But she's practically my wife! I'd give my life for her, you understand? Please, man to man, wouldn't you do the same for someone you love?" he pleads, Tommy, looking away from his brother to keep himself from breaking down.  

The doctor, unyielding, emphasizes, "We have legal protocols to safeguard those who can't speak for themselves. I can't divulge information to just anyone; there are procedures that must be followed for the well-being of the patient."

"Well, what can you tell me, then?" Joel's voice wavers as he pleads with the doctor. "I'm in the dark here, doctor. Please," Joel begs. "Just give me something. Tell me she's going to be okay."

The doctor takes a deep breath before delivering the news, "She was pregnant, Mr. Miller. She has Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and is anemic. Due to significant blood loss, we had to perform a blood transfusion. Luckily, someone who accompanied her was a match."

Joel's heart sinks as the words hit him like a ton of bricks. "Was? So, Sugar and the baby... Are they okay?"

The doctor's demeanor shifts, his eyes reflecting a mix of empathy and gravity. "Mr. Miller," he begins cautiously, "Sugar lost a lot of blood during the procedure. She was suffering from a hemorrhage and was going into shock. I did everything in my power to save them both, but... I'm sorry, Mr. Miller. The baby didn't make it. Sugar almost didn't make it out herself. Without that blood transfusion-" He trails off, the weight of the situation hanging heavy in the air.  

"Ellie..." Joel whispers, realization dawning on him as he connects the dots. "That's why she's bandaged up?"

The doctor leans in, a glimmer of understanding in his eyes. "Yes," he confirms, his tone somber. "What we did was highly unethical and illegal. I don't appreciate being lied to, but your daughter's quick thinking saved Sugar's life. Despite the miscarriage, Ellie's actions kept Sugar alive. It was incredibly brave of her. I'm willing to keep this between us if any issues arise. Sugar is still with us because of her. That girl has nerves of steel," he chuckles softly, his gaze distant with memories. "Reminds me of my daughter. Us fathers need to stick together, right?"

Joel nods, his gaze unwaveringly fixed on you lying on the hospital bed. "I knew something was wrong... I should have stayed back. I can't imagine the pain she must have been in-"

"Unfortunately, this is highly common for women with her condition," the doctor interjects, his tone gentle yet matter-of-fact. "As much as we can dwell on the what-ifs, most times the baby won't make it past the first trimester. It does give us a little hope that she was able to conceive to begin with. Have you two been trying long?"

Joel's shoulders sag slightly at the doctor's words, a mixture of grief and understanding washing over him. "We've spoken about it, but only decided to try recently," he admits, his voice tinged with sadness. "But we never imagined it would end like this."

The doctor offers a sympathetic nod, his expression reflecting empathy. "I'm sorry for your loss, Joel. Losing a child is never easy, but please know that you're not alone in this. If either of you need support or someone to talk to, we have resources available. I want to have Sugar spend a day or two here, just to make sure her blood count gets back to normal. You're welcome to stay as long as you need to, okay? I'll make sure of it."

Joel manages a faint smile, grateful for the doctor's compassion. "Thank you," he murmurs, his gaze drifting back to you, his heart heavy with sorrow yet filled with love and determination. 

The doctor nods, glancing at Joel's disheveled appearance and the split lip. "I can get someone to fix that for you if you'd like. Waking up to see you like this might frighten Sugar. You must have been through hell to get here."

"Pretty much," Tommy says sadly, his eyes filled with tears. "Thank you for saving Sugar, doc. We really owe you one."

The doctor nods. "Yeah, well, thank your little girl; she's the real hero today." He gestures behind Tommy and Joel. Ellie stands at the doorway, nervously fiddling with the bandage on her wrist. Giving Joel one last nod, the doctor makes his way to the door, giving Ellie a comforting pat on her shoulder as he walks away. Joel turns his attention back to Ellie, a sad look on his face as he tries not to lose his shit in front of his brother and his daughter.  

"Ellie-" he starts, his voice shaky. "Baby-"

"Oh, it was nothing, you know, just another day at the office," she casually says, downplaying herself. "Besides, she's family, and we do anything for family." 

"You're damn right we do," Tommy boasts, pulling Ellie into a side hug. "You saved the day, Girlie."

"You sure did," Joel cries, pulling her into a tight hug, his tears soaking into her hair. "You did so good, baby girl. Thank you, thank you, baby."

Ellie hugs Joel back, sobbing into his chest and clinging to his shirt. "I was so scared, Joel. It made me think about what happened with Marlene, and I just froze! If Bill didn't step in, I don't know what would have happened—"

"Ellie—"

"... and I told her that she should tell you. She looked so sick, so I told her that she needed to eat something, and I gave her a hot pocket—"

"A hot pocket?"

"Yeah, we made it last night, and even then, I knew something was up. She was always wincing and flinching in pain, told me that she was on her period—"

"Ellie. She was bleeding out, then. It—" Joel takes her face in his hands, his expression serious. "She was pregnant, baby girl. She has a condition that makes her bleed heavily. Fuck, she must have been in so much pain—"

"Wait," Ellie says, her eyes reflecting shock. "What do you mean, she was pregnant? Does this mean that she lost the baby?" she says solemnly, turning her attention to you. "Joel, I'm so sorry, maybe if I had been more stubborn and firm with her, maybe-"

"Ellie, trust me when I say that none of this was your fault, baby girl," Joel pulls her into his chest as she sobs, his hand soothing her back. "These things happen all the time with women that have the same condition as her. Honestly, I'm just happy that she had you to watch over her, you did everything perfectly, alright? No more tears, baby. Sugar's still here with us, and that's all that matters, okay?"

"Okay," Ellie murmurs into his chest. "Joel, what's going to happen now? are you going to tell her? We need to tell her, right?"  

"Why don't you head back to the office with Tommy and let me worry about that, alright?" Joel responds, sighing as he sits at the edge of your bed. "I think you've had too much excitement for one day, I can talk to her when she wakes up, okay? Don't worry."

Tommy places a comforting hand on Joel's shoulder, pulling him into a side hug. "I'm really sorry, brother. If there's anything you both need, just let me know, okay?"

Joel nods. "Thanks, Tommy."

"Ready to go, Ellie?" Tommy asks, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. "We better get moving before they tow my truck out front." Ellie nods as they both give you and Joel one last glance, making their way out of your hospital room.

"Let me know if you need me to bring you anything from home, alright?" Ellie tells Joel, giving him one last smile. "Take care of yourself. I love you."

"I love you too, baby. Get some rest, okay?"

Joel looks back at them helplessly as a sob escapes his mouth. He buries his face in his hands, finally allowing himself to fall completely apart. As heartbreaking as the miscarriage is, the thought of losing you at the same time is unbearable. How could he have turned a blind eye to the pain you were going through? How could he have almost lost you, just like that? The guilt and anguish weigh heavily on his shoulders as he grapples with the harsh reality of the situation.

"I'm so sorry, baby," he cries, reaching for your hand. Joel presses a soft kiss on your forehead, his tears falling upon your face. He wipes them away as he settles himself on the seat next to your bed, his eyes never leaving your face as he waits for you to wake up. Every fiber of his being yearns for you to open your eyes, to assure him that you're still here, still fighting alongside him.

Taglist: @sarcasm-theotherwhitemeat@gwendibleywrites@brittmb115@joeldjarin@drewharrisonwriter@littlebunnybigheartfics

@missladym1981 @auteurdelabre @quicax3 @casa-boiardi @amyispxnk

@untamedheart81@paleidiot@laurrrra@la-vie-est-une-fleur29@bbiophiliaa

@thewiigers@survivingandenduring (I apologize if I missed anyone, but if you are looking for any of my fic updates, please feel free to follow my updates blog @chiriwritesstuffnotifs!)

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

I just wanna thank you for writing for John Marino. I don’t know how I found this man but affectionately one of my new emotional support men even with so little information out there???

I’m assuming you are not my Johnny anon because you did not say “Johnny girlie” 🤣. I love how all the Johnny girls come to my inbox. 🤭🤭 maybe I need to write something with a happy ending for that man besides angst and smut. (Minus my writing I did for PCOS for him). Like I really haven’t let that man be happy in any universe I wrote. 😂😂

I hate they sent my lil city boy, Italian, Boston boy to Utah. But I hate to say it Utah has already showed more of him in that little reel of him at the football game with the others then Devils did in months. So maybe there is hope that I will see more of my man even with him across the country. Also since there is such little out there this makes me sound like a stocker but that article that my Johnny anon did send me I knew every single thing already minus the tattoo. Which I still have yet to find photographic proof so like is it even really JOHNNY???

(Also I love writing for less ish popular players like I don’t know many players tbh. I am still very new into hockey. But some of my favorite things I’ve ever written were for John Marino and Cole Caufield).

[17gz]

im not even sorry abt saying this but as a cafab intersex person with pcos. that person who made that post saying "having pcos makes you intersex" has done so much fucking damage to the cafab trans side of tumblr like. nooooo the fuck it doesnt. it might make you more likely to be intersex but a huuuuuge telltale sign of being intersex is: your mom has pcos and/or had hormonal imbalances during her pregnancy/your development and it led to hyperandrogenism during your life... as well as very prominent "opposite" secondary sex characteristics before puberty... like i know many people w pcos. none of them are intersex. i am an intersex person with pcos. AND internal testes. my mom did not take any form of hormonal birth control and her testosterone levels were very high when she was pregnant with me bc her pcos was at its worst during that time in her life.

also i am cafab and intersex and trans and a poc, and did not fit into the image of what a girl/woman looked like growing up, and got mistaken for a boy so often and was treated poorly no matter what way you saw me. i am NOT transmisogyny affected. i am transmisogyny exempt!!! i have had misdirected transmisogynistic comments hurled at me for years but at the end of the day i was NOT their target. it says nothing about me, it says EVERYTHING about their hatred and bigotry. if i was white and someone hurled racist comments at me, i would not immediately be primarily affected by racism, it would say nothing about my race, it would be a reflection of that persons racism. i am so fucking ashamed of how other cafab intersex ppl on here behave and treat transfeminine people, you genuinely do not give a shit about others, you just want to make yourself the biggest victim possible. i've been called a "shame towards the intersex community" for saying this and if speaking against transmisogyny amongst cafab intersex people brings shame to them then god damn i don't want to ever be associated with you. focus on not being the victim for 0.1 seconds and actually give a shit about people that are more vulnerable and disadvantaged than you. you never learned/gave a shit about what intersectionality was and it shows.