#PCOS More Likely to Have Boy or Girl

[deesseshesca]

PAC :How will your future lover explore your body ? (18+)

I found a little name for all of y'all ... Bébé d'Amour. Vous etes maintenant mes bébé d'amour (Y'all are now my Bébé d'Amour).

Good morning pretty souls, I'm not a lovey dovey human but for y'all I am ready to do almost anything.

SALE 

Until October 31 all readings on my ko-fi is 30$, only

Choose the image that’s speak to you and allow yourself to soak ONLY what’s reasoning with YOUR SITUATION.

Rules and Disclaimer 

I am the type of tarot reader to say as it is. Nothing is sugar coated but everything is sent with good intention. If you are not ready to face some truth, you should vagabond somewhere else.

MINOR DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST 

MINOR DON’T READ THIS POST 

PILE 1 

Page pentacles, 2 swords (reverse), magician (reverse), page wands (reverse)

Their touch is going to make u reminisce about all the time u let someone else touch your body in ways u settle for. Like u never really wanted them to touch but you were to fucking lonely to refuse the act knowing damm well they were using u. Also they were not treating you correctly. They touch is going to make all the monster go away. All the time you were touch with little cares all forgiven to make place with memories of they’re caring touch. Some of y’all have self harm scars, suicide attempt scaring, they will caress it with so much love and thank u everytime for the fact that u stay even thought it was hard. They are grateful upon every stars that u’re self sabotaging behavior never got the best of u otherwise they would have never met u. Some of u don’t think you have a pretty pussy. Maybe u feel like u’re lips of too big or that they are not the same color as the rest of your cooch. Hey, they will to touch your pussy. Always munching with happiness. Others u are not circumcised, don’t matter they bumping their month on your dick with happiness in their eyes. Some of y’all have religious trauma, like your ex-environment made you think that sex is forbidden. Y’all don’t even like touching yourself. Even though u left a long time ago, u can’t seem to shake those fears off. They are going to take their time with u and respect which one  of your boundaries. At the end, you might still not like getting head but u are not going to feel as uncomfortable with the concept of it after their healing touch. Some of y’all have some vaginismus, I see them learning about it. So they can help u heal and respect the boundaries set by your body. I see them introducing the first toys before even going in themself. Until they are not sure u are ok, there’s no jumping the big boy. If you have endometriosis/PCOS, they will stop penetration sex and alter to fingering to make sure not to disturb the peace of the uterus before the big week. For all my pillow prince/princess today is your big day, they love leading. They don’t care if you spend the whole relationship on a pink/blue pillow. They love it for you. Their touch will still be playful. They will love to tickle u. Also they will love placing a hand on your stomach, even slepping on it. Especially my masculine energy, your pump stomach is literally their safe place. They will love giving you a good handjob while staring into your eyes (y’all probably have deep brown eyes) and caressing your stomach. 

💌 : Honestly Pile one, they are not going to be able to let go of you. Might be clingy, also they love language is physical touch. Will love updating you throughout the day. If you want to know more about that future love, you can always purchase my SOUL TRIBE membership unlocking all the extra content and extended PAC reading + the audio one.

PILE 2 

4 wands (reverse), King cups (reverse), Hanged man, 6 swords 

They love to have their hands on your private parts on all times, not in a creepy way. They would be driving and suddenly here u go, being a finger fucked passager princess. If you are an owner of a dick, u better drive with both hands on the wheel because at any moment, they may start giving u a blowjob . If you have boobs, they will have they hand on them all the time. Not even in a sexual way but because it becomes their habit. Y’all might not give a fuck at some point, until somebody stare at u in public. U end up apologizing while glaring at u’re partner making sure to get they hands the fuck out your top. They are very sensitive to your reaction. Let’s say they wanna give u a hug and u move slightly away … here comes the overthinking. If they try a new move on u in bed but u don’t moan as good as usual. They don’t reproduce it. If u give an excellent reactions, they will put that move on rotation. Also if you have painful period cramps, they will message you stomach. If you have to go regularly to the doc, they will always try their best to be there and hold your hand. Touch = love regarding your future lover. They will caress your face when u speak. Tie your hair when your hand is busy. To my burn out babe that are trying their best or my type B babe who is always so damn clumsy, they will always be behind u giving u a hand. Even when u give them head, they still worry about your well being. I’m hearing : ‘’ Baby I don’t care, if u care or not. I love when (moan) u are giving (whimper) head and are comfortable’’ before attempting to tie your hair. After a week of bad depressive episodes they will run you a bath. When they sense that u are starting to distance yourself, they will always have an hand on your waist, on your leg, shoulder any fucking where. Just to keep u from leaving with your bad thoughts. All this stand for my man in the audience, your next babe don’t play about you. Their touch heal making u realize how much you DO matter. 

💌: If you want to know more about that future love, you can always purchase my SOUL TRIBE membership unlocking all the extra content and extended PAC reading + the audio one.

PILE 3 

King wands (reverse), page wands (reverse), page cups, ace pentacles 

Straight from the beginning I’m getting a bad girl/boy from your person. They push everyone away but you. Actually they only see you. They don’t see any other women/men. They don’t even care about their own parents, the way they care about you. Your future person may have experienced deep trauma from age 8 - 10 years old, every night. Since is not the reading for and I did not ask for permission, I will not dive deeper into their lore. They touch = fire, when they lay their fingerprints on u, it is like your whole body is in heat. They enjoy mixing pain and pleasure. A fan of breathing plays because they get to squeeze your neck safely to give you pleasure. Loves squeezing you in general. If you have boobs, will love to squeeze them until it hurts. If you are a man, love to pinch your nipple until they see a little bit of blood even. They will also enjoy putting pressure on your balls while giving you a handjob. They are very experience lover. Probably have 15+ body. They love to play game with y’all. I’m hearing: ‘’ Let’s see how many times I can make u cum in a minute, princess…’’. If you are a man, they will love to eat your ass. If they lose you, they lose everything. They will probably haunt until they find you back again. They will NEVER raise their hand on u and  NEVER yell at you.  I see a vision of a text conversation. 

U : jhabwdbcaw

Them : hey babe, is everything ok …

U: auijdxja party hbduiAHBNDIL

Them: Can u give the phone (one of your friend).

U: But I wannnnnna takcfjawo to u 

Them: I know but I wanna see you. Can you please give the phone ? 

U: abxda yes hnqcfu

Them: Give the phone, love. 

Their touch is very gentle but very practical. Gently take your makeup off when u come back drunk. Gently draw into your tattoo if you are a man. Will casually lift up bridal style when they see dozing off while studying. If you are a guy, will softly wake you up and guide u to the bedroom. 

💌: If you want to know more about that future love, you can always purchase my SOUL TRIBE membership unlocking all the extra content and extended PAC reading + the audio one.

PILE 4

Knight wands (reverse), Lovers (reverse), Emperor (reverse), Strength (reverse)

Touch = understanding, will give u a tap on the shoulder to encourage you. Will caress your arm while y’all are arguing. There’s a use of: ‘’ Good girl/boy’’ in y’all relationships. When they see you grabbing the sheet, while they are down to town, that’s when they know you are on cloud 9. The only time they will stop munching even if you have already orgasm. They will love to caress your inner thighs. Pass a sneaky hand on your tits. Loves making you want more, like I see y’all making out and they are barely touching your tits while you are caressing their body. Have a very brat energy. Love to get on your last nerve because they know you will punish them. That’s what gets them going.  Has a high sex drive can go round and round in the same day but it will always start with some kind of teasing.

💌 : Y'all are going to have an amazing communication. I sense that both of y'all are yappers. Y'all are messy, you love to call each other at the end of the day and share the tea on what's going on. They will never let you go to sleep angry. I see a vision of you mad even at them but y'all still cuddling. You guy are in silence, they know they mess up but they refuse to leave on your own. Better they let you gather your thoughts with them. They may have a trauma about somebody that die on them in a middle on text con versation. That's why they can't let u go when u are mad. Don't get them wrong, they won't force u to hug them or talk. If you can't handle looking at them, they will tare at the wall, while u are in the bed thinking. If you want to know more about that future love, you can always purchase my SOUL TRIBE membership unlocking all the extra content and extended PAC reading + the audio one.

[formulaonecrumbs]

hi everyone!! i’m junie, she/her, 18 years old, ♊️, and a big formula one enthusiast. though, i might expand to writing other fandoms at some point. i love Lando Norris, Oscar Piastri and Alex Albon (my big three if u will) but i don’t think there’s a driver i hate. anyways, i love writing so i’m here. if u have any requests; any driver, any reader, any scenario basically whatever u want. pls feel free to ask, i will deliver (or will try to)

so far ive written for; LN4, OP81, CL16, DR3, AA23 & MV33/1

if u want to read any of what it, here:

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 :>

୨ৎ ୨ৎ ୨ৎ ୨ৎ

Lando Norris:

can’t have his kids (texts)

making space for you 🧡

you was there before the fancy cars 🏎️

you make me feel steady 🌊

i blame love ❤️

looked at me the right way 💋

alexa play ‘marry me’ by bruno mars 💍

one bed and your cold feet 🛌

you’re not alone, bug boy 🕷️❤️

nah, i’m proud 🏳️‍🌈

almost (never) yours

part two: what a bland goodbye.

spending my 20’s on you

unexpected laps 🏁

we miss you 😕

thirteen days and my thirteenth reason ✍️

not used to this 🥂

don’t be sorry🩸

his first time (smut)

always hated the quiet

just wish i was older

we’re meant to be just friends

older sister au:-

little bean 👩‍🍼

what’s he supposed to be? an alien.

first day of school 🏫

you’re not allowed to fall again

is it working?

just another one of the gazillion ♾️

heartbroken but never alone 🧑‍🧑‍🧒‍🧒

how not to tie a shoe 👟

you’re too cool for them

Oscar Piastri:

pcos!reader:-

don’t shut me out 🫂

he sees you 🫀

certified uterus whisperer 🌬️

i’ll be back in ten, okay?

hold it together ✊

ALL hands on deck 🫡

totally cockblocked 🚫

you’re okay, i’ve got you.

my very cute werewolf

the win after the win 🏆

ovaries out of office 👅

made of comfort 🧸

even especially at 2am.

stay right there 🌸

i like your big feelings 🫶

give me a minute to hold my girl

we only keep going if you’re okay.

little blood never hurt nobody🩸

you don’t have to hide 🫣

particularly bad

let’s get colour back in your face 🤍

don’t have to move

in every small way

aisles and attitude 🛒

right here when you wake up

one breath at a time

six kisses and counting 👄

i just need you

togetherness 🤝

build a life we love 🩷

others for osc:-

sunday night, monday reality 🤰

how fucking dare you?

little big moments

my big brother best friend 👫

Charles Leclerc:

no time to rest 🤒

stay a little longer 🕯️

Daniel Ricciardo:

this body is still yours

you’re more than enough

Alex Albon:

Max Verstappen:

Other Drivers:

pending… ↺

[captain-huggy-bear]

Quinn or Clay with a girl with a lot of body hair because I'm so insecure about it and there's like no rep for girls having body hair everywhere

Quinn + PCOS vibes because as someone with PCOS I get this. In recent years with my hormones out of whack my body hair has grown darker and more and in places that people don't usually show on women because we're indoctrinated to believe we should all be hairless cats. I get it cause it makes me feel insecure when you're being told it shouldn't be there, so I got you, babes because I genuinely think we think and notice it more than any one else but I know my boy Quinn would notice you feeling insecure and try to make you feel better. TW: Insecurities, body image issues surrounding body hair, reader is not gender neutral, very much written from a cis woman's perspective Big requests/full fic/big idea requests are closed at the moment but drabble and prompt requests are still open. Writing Masterlist

Quinn is so in tune with you, so aware of you that he always notices when you start to pull away, when something is heavy on your mind, when you're not quite feeling yourself. You're a master at hiding it from most people; a false smile here, a slightly bigger jacket there, a change of clothing that doesn't seem suspicious to anyone else, but to him is a red flag.

He knows you. He knows you get self conscious about many parts of your body but he knows in particular when you're feeling self conscious about your body hair. It's natural. He often tries to remind you that you're a human being, a fully grown woman, with hormones and body hair and a pulse. Tries to remind you that you're supposed to have it, that you're not a child. But, it doesn't stop that niggling feeling of self consciousness, the feeling like you're too masculine, too out of the realm of standard beauty practices.

Since puberty you've always had darker more obvious body hair and over the years its grown fast, longer, thicker and in places people said were for men. People constantly reminding you that women weren't supposed to have that, women were supposed to be smooth, hairless, an impossible and ridiculous standard that is simply a lie. But, whenever you forget that, whenever you start to judge your body, the hair on your stomach, arms, chest, the way it looks, you start to change your habits.

Like now. Quinn's watching you get dressed. The way you put layer after layer on despite the spring warmth outside...because you feel like hiding. To anyone else your comment that you felt chilly might be accepted, but not by Quinn. He knows you're going to be too hot all day, he knows the real reason you're piling the layers on and he can't accept it.

"Baby, take it off." Quinn's tugging at the giant hoodie, thick material, that you'd thrown on top of everything else you were wearing. You were already sweating, red in the face, too warm to be wearing it.

"I'm cold." You tug away from him, but he just tugs you back until you're facing him. Quinn's hands tug at the neck of the hoodie, before slipping inside to cup the back of your neck and round of your shoulder. Even that feels wrong, like you're not good enough for him to touch right now, insecurity bubbling in your chest.

"No...you're not."

"Quinn, I don't want to do this right now." You feel ugly, self-conscious, uncomfortable. You don't want to have this fight with him, you know he means well, but you're just not feeling it today.

"Baby, there's nothing wrong with how you look today, take it off, you're going to be boiling."

There's a pause before you answer, taking in the earnest way he looks at you, all soft puppy dog eyes like you wearing all these layers hurts him too. You really are too warm.

This time when Quinn tugs at the hoodie you let him pull it over your head until you're stood in front of him, arms crossed over your chest because you feel wrong. It's magnified for you, your perception of your body, of the things you deem flaws. Each hair on your arm seems too dark, too long. Each hair on your chest too masculine, that one hair on your neck you have to pluck, feeling like it's about to scream that it's there for all to see.

But, Quinn's eyes just soften further, smile starting to creep up. A look of love, adoration, admiration.

"You're so pretty, baby..." Your eyes fall to your shoes, biting your lip harshly because his words while sincere just feel like lies, because you don't feel pretty right now.

"I don't feel pretty...I feel manly."

The sigh he lets out is hurt on your behalf, almost a groan because how can you not see how pretty you are every day? How can you not feel like the most gorgeous person on earth when you are? It has Quinn taking your face in his hands, thumbs pressing into the underside of your jaw, fingers easing into the hair on the side of your head.

"You're super pretty, prettiest girl in the world," His thumb brushes that one hair on your neck and it makes you want to curl up and die, eyes squeezing shut, but it's purposeful on Quinn's end. He needs you to understand that he doesn't care, that it doesn't make him find you any less beautiful or look down you. That you don't need to worry.

"But...."

"You're worrying about your body hair again, aren't you?"

You just nod your head because Quinn knows. He knows all your insecurities, each thought that runs through your head...because you've told him, because the one thing you never do is hide those feelings and thoughts from each other. Each mental storm is one to be weathered together.

"I love you. I think you're the most beautiful person I have ever met." Your eyes drift open, rising to meet his, genuine, earnest, determined to make you believe him in a way no one ever has before. How many times have you heard 'you're being silly'? How many times has someone disregarded your feelings? Made you feel emotional, hysterical? How many people have really taken them time to try to get you to think differently, feel differently without invalidating you.

"But..."

"No. No ands. No ifs. No buts. I think you're beautiful, I think you're beautiful when you don't pluck that hair on your neck you hate. I think you're beautiful when you don't wax the hair on your stomach. I don't care about it, I don't think it makes a difference to how pretty you are to me."

"You mean that?" Your voice is still small but there's that hint of hope there, that subtle change that tells Quinn you're starting believe him, that maybe he's getting through to you.

"Yeah, baby, I mean it. I just wish you felt as pretty as you are because you're so pretty. You need to stop being so mean to my girlfriend, baby..." His fingers brush your cheeks, gentle, soft, like he's afraid if he presses too hard you'll bruise like a ripe peach.

"Okay...I can try."

"Good, I'm here to remind you anytime." He presses a kiss to your forehead, soft and sweet. Unspoken meaning transferred from him to you.

Yeah, maybe you don't always feel good. Maybe you have your doubts, your insecurities, but Quinn? Oh, Quinn is going to do his damnedest to make you see what he sees when he looks at you.

Beauty.

[genderisareligion]

The elusive "TERF" is actually just a mirror

All its devotees know is projection. When I started this blog in late 2020 I more frequently used the tag #DARVO in action to start keeping track of the blatant lies TRAs spew that are really just a tell about their crowd (DARVO = Deny Attack Reverse Victim Offend, a strategy used often by DV abusers) and I just have to start making this cumulative post because:

They're now saying John Money was a radical feminist. Lmfao 💀 The male cracker extraordinaire (we don't even think males can be feminists let alone human most of the time) most responsible for the word gender's mistranslation as something that describes human behavior rather than the behavior of languages (most of which aren't even English), the idiot torturer who's a major reason the intersex community has to guard itself so fiercely against "normative" surgeries, who once claimed that anyone skeptical of his "girl = pink, boy = blue, I must fix anyone else" theories actually just believed that "masculinity and femininity are baked into the genes and women should get back to the kitchen" (sound familiar? What are "TERFs" always being accused of?) Like bro that's you

"TERFs are fascists who need everyone to fit into the male or the female box" actually gender abolition would mean no more boxes besides the purely categorical chromosomal ones we can't help from birth, and actually trying to force everyone to fall somewhere on a scale of femininity and masculinity and positing intersex conditions as the "middle" creates an unnecessary dichotomy amongst particularly females, where a woman born with PCOS is considered "less female" than one without regardless of how she "identifies," and the more "masculine" you are (whatever that even means) the more your body requires meds and surgery.

"TERFs align with fascists" but y'all are the ones with the Big Pharma billions paving your way so lol sorry not sorry but as a Negro it's giving the way they used to experiment on us for profit, refine their methods for research and leave us for dead or permanently disabled. And y'all think it's empowering? You think they actually care that you're personally fulfilled? You think they won't pull another Henrietta Lacks? You think all these detrans people are just flukes? They'll take your thousands of dollars until you're in debt and pump you full of more dubious "treatment" as long as it means they get to keep quietly going home to their white picket fences where all their loved ones are fine pretending they're heroes rather than profiting off others' pain. What is fascism if not allowing the medical establishment to "correct undesirables"?

"TERFs are Nazis" but the "first ever transgender surgery" on "trans woman" Lillie Ebe was performed by literal fucking Nazi Erwin Gohrbrandt who believed "mentally ill people were considered 'feeble-minded' (this was an actual, formal term) and homosexuals were considered to also be 'feeble-minded' and have inferior genes." Fun fact, Lillie was also a fucking Nazi.

"TERFs are all white supremacists" but everyone I just mentioned up there is a fucking white supremacist and not even Google agrees with you there, searches for the word TERF are done almost entirely in Western nations like the US and UK, whereas searches for radfem are balanced worldwide and in fact an African country is #1 on one of those lists, and you can't argue that those searches are by TERFs themselves because "try Googling TERF right now and seeing how many if any positive references show up"

I have more after 4 years lol but lemme cook

[hrrtshape]

Hello beautiful Ema.

I’ve been a silent watcher of this blog. I was skeptical of law of assumption for a while but I’ve really started believing it.

I don’t really know where to start and I don’t really want to burden you with my story.

I’m 25 and at that stage of my life where this is the right time for me to have a baby. I’m financially stable and have an amazing fiancé. The only issue is I’m overweight from PCOS and binge eating like more than overweight (150lbs heavier than I should for my height) but I don’t want to be pregnant whilst I’m overweight because that much stress on my body will cause complications how would I go about manifesting a weight loss in a 6-7 months? Also because I have pcos it’s hard for me to get pregnant because my period is soooooooooo irregular. How can I manifest I get pregnant with triplets preferably 1 boy and two girls?

Thank you lovely girl for this blog

hello, YOUuuuu beautiful soul.

so. weight loss in 6-7 months. you decide it. not in a limp, half-hearted i hope so way but in the way a director calls action. if you’re operating from certainty, then it’s already unfolding. and no, pcos isn’t the antagonist here. your body listens to you more than you’ve been led to believe. affirm it. live from it. my body burns fat effortlessly. my metabolism is perfect. my hormones are beautifully balanced. food supports me. weight loss is inevitable. make this your reality and reality follows suit.

as for the triplets,, it’s the same law. same power. don’t beg the universe, tell it. live as if you’re already pregnant. pick out their names. feel the weight of their tiny hands in yours. imagine holding them. imagine telling your fiancé. see yourself in maternity clothes. get giddy over it. pregnancy isn’t a struggle you have to fight through. it’s a reality you own. affirm: i am a mother to three beautiful, healthy babies. my pregnancy is effortless and perfect. my body knows exactly what to do.

what you want is already yours. the only thing left is to live like you know it.

[intersexbookclub]

A lot of thoughts on Just Ash (contains spoilers)

Our book pick for November 2024 was the 2021 YA coming-of-age novel Just Ash by intersex author Sol Santana. We met on 2024-11-29, and it gave us a lot to talk about in terms of intersex representation!

The book features a main character, Ash, who has CAH and has been raised as a boy, and identifies as a boy. When Ash hits puberty and starts to physically become androgynous, he starts getting bullied at school. His mother, who always wanted a daughter, forcibly transitions Ash to live as a girl. Cue tons of gender dysphoria. 😭 Ash winds up in hospital due to all the stress, and runs away to live with his older sister. The sister affirms Ash’s masculinity and lets him retrotransition back to being a boy. 🥳 A custody battle ensues.

Upfront PSA: Santana’s definition of intersex (which she provides in the author notes) is exclusionist. 🚨 She does not include hormonal variations in her definition of intersex. It is effectively a dogwhistle that Santana does not accept PCOS hyperandrogenism as intersex. This goes against every major intersex organization’s understanding of what intersex is, and against the consensus of the community as a whole. While we thought the book has plenty of strengths, anybody picking it up should know that Santana’s definition of intersex is not representative of the intersex community. 👎️

Overall impressions

Michelle (@scifimagpie): This book was like really speedrunning the emotional processing of really intricate intersex issues. It was a rougher read but I couldn't put it down. It felt very authentic for a very young prickly teenage boy. Also, the adults sucked in this book and I was here for it. 👍️👍️

Elizabeth: Mixed feelings! This book needed so many CWs at the front, but I think it also handled the violence with care - it didn’t feel gratuitous, just unflinchingly realistic. Rough, but done on purpose, and it helped a lot that Ash was given so many other things to do than suffer. I felt like it did a good job of illustrating how gender is very complicated for many intersex people. But it also had an intermedicalist vibe that I didn’t appreciate. 🤨

Bnuuy: Overall positive impression! 👍️ Liked how Ash was a Ash as an example of positive masculinity. More cis guys should read this book. The book highlights a lot of intersections between queer & intersex issues. I only read half but agree that many things need CWs.

Rylee (@goingrampant): it was kind of intense, it was a thriller. I really want people on Tumblr to read this book. 🙌  "AFAB trans woman" has become a hot button phrase where perisex trans women have decided that it's not a valid term, and have gotten very intersexist dying on that hill. This book does a good job showing what it looks like to be an (intersex) AMAB trans man. 👍️

Feral: I’ve found a lot of perisex trans people don’t really get that we intersex folks can be assigned a gender at birth & still be denied actual access to that gender & can end up with both masculine and feminine gender expectations…. while also being denied genuinely being either gender. 🙃 So I think this would potentially be a good book for helping people understand some ways that this can happen without real people’s trauma having to be turned into a Teaching Moment™. 👍️

Remy: I cant believe they managed to misdirect me so that I didn’t predict that twist at the end! 👍️

The intersex representation: initial thoughts

Things that felt very real to us: the part where the intersex group were told they couldn’t participate in a parade. 😭 How Ash’s parents reacted to Ash’s intersexness. 😬

Remy praised how it acknowledges intersex kids oppression without being in conflict with (perisex) trans kids’ oppression! 🩷

Rylee thinks that this book should be read by perisex folks (both trans and cis) who are confused or resistant to the idea that intersex people can be both cisgender and transgender at the same time  should read this book. It’s good for building empathy with cistrans folks, and it illustrates how Ash is M-to-F-to-M. A lot of times when trans people run across that kind of language, they they think that it's some kind of abusive right wing distortion of trans identity (e.g. weaponizing detransitioning). The book shows how Ash was assigned male at birth and identified with that, and then being reassigned as female, and then pushing against that, and how it made him both cisgender and transgender.

Elizabeth agreed that this would be helpful for perisex allies to read, because too often the only times they talk about intersex is to demonstrate sex is socially constructed. This book illustrates how we have so many gender issues that are relevant to trans discussions that tend to be underappreciated by perisex trans folks, like mistransitioning and retransitioning, and how AGAB should not be confused for socially imposed gender.

However, Elizabeth also felt that anybody picking up the book should also know that the book is exclusionist about who is intersex, and that the intersex community is actually quite unanimous that hormonal variations belong in the community. Santana is unusual for being resistant to this inclusion, and it was a common gripe with the book. 👎️

We liked how matter-of-fact the discussion of genital difference was, but there were times it seemed to undercut the message about masculinity and gender.

The book had a happy ending. While it was outright wish fulfillment in many regards, it was hard to be mad about it, because we just need more queer joy in our lives.

The Forced Gender Transition

We all agreed it was painful watching Ash's gender be repeatedly denied. Bnuuy pointed out that even though physicians keep claiming to be The Ultimate Authority on how gender works, they actually can’t agree on which gender some people (like Ash) are.

We all agreed it also made for an effective illustration of how intersex gender issues are just different than perisex, trans issues. Intersex is messy, and oftentimes our genders don’t really fit with what perisex trans people are used to. Too many trans people expect trans people to be clearly either transmasculine or transfeminine (and maybe transneutral), and it’s important to have representation of people (intersex or perisex) who do not fit into these neat boxes. 🏳️‍⚧️

Even when the book highlights how intersex gender issues are different from perisex trans issues, it still also speaks to common ground experienced by both groups. Both groups are frequently forced to undergo a puberty that they don’t want, to have to live under a socially imposed gender they don’t want. The reasons or mechanisms may vary, but being forcefully kept in a gender you don’t want to be in is such an important common ground.

Bnuuy pointed out that often when intersex gender issues are contrasted with perisex trans issues, what actually happens is perisex transness is understood only as binary perisex transness.

Feral praised how the school requiring Ash to use the staff bathroom was presented as a bad thing. It also liked when Ash points out that state law would require the school to let him use the boy’s bathroom if he was a trans boy, and the principal dismisses that by saying that Ash isn’t trans. It was a good way to highlight that while intersex people pretty much always get harmed by anti-trans laws & policies whether we’re explicitly targeted or not, we don’t necessarily get protections just because of the experience overlap if we aren’t explicitly named in the laws protecting trans people.

Rylee felt more conflicted about this, pointing out that Ash seemed angry/bitter about the (perisex) trans community, and while that’s relatable to many intersex people, it could have been handled more deftly.

Salt Wasting for Plot Reasons

So, Ash winds up in the hospital after having to live as a girl for an extended period of time. The hospitalization is clearly a plot device to get Ash out of the forced gender situation. And what Santana does is give Ash a very rare version of salt-wasting CAH that has incredibly gone undetected until he is in high school. For us this felt improbable, and it also felt unnecessary, because…

Giving Ash an eating disorder would have been far more realistic, and would have accomplished the same plot device. 🫤

Eating disorders are unfortunately very common among intersex & trans folks and it would have been productive to see that representation (especially for a masculine character!). It felt extra frustrating that Santana chose one of the very few intersex variations that gives people health problems. Feelings about that were mixed: we don’t want intersex to be pathologized, but it is also useful for people to know that some intersex variations like salt-wasting CAH do come with health concerns to be aware of.

One of the reasons that a few of us expected an eating disorder plot was how Ash was fatphobic to one of his friends, and ED hospitalization would set up a discussion of that. Instead, the fatphobia was left unaddressed.

The Clinician Interactions

A few of us felt that the way the physicians in the book were presented came off more as intersex fantasy than intersex reality. Too many of the physicians knew too much about intersex for it to feel realistic to us. In general, physicians in the book were also very respecting of informed consent in a way that also did not line up with own experiences of intersex-related health care. Positioning clinicians as advocates/allies just didn’t really feel realistic to us. 🙃

The fact that the clinicians in the book used the word intersex, rather than the extremely pathologizing and reactionary term “DSD” was appreciated. 💜 But it also contributed to the sense the book was writing a fantasy of how the author wants intersex patients to be treated, rather than how we actually are.

But on the other side of things, there is value in fantasy. More physicians should know more about intersex, and treat their intersex patients better! Intersex folks should expect better of our physicians than abject abuse and violent gender policing (even if that expectation is earned).

Bnuuy pointed out that this book had so many other common forms of trauma (sexual violence, abusive parents, bullying) that maybe it’s good to not also add medical trauma on top of it all? 

To a few of us, the medical accuracy felt superficial. Bnuuy described it as “like reading Wikipedia” - like the author had only really read medical texts about this extremely specific variant of CAH, rather than talking to people with this variation.

There were a couple of experiential things that Santana nailed! Like the scene where Ash is in the hospital and the physician is talking to Ash’s parents as though Ash isn’t there. This felt real to us. 💜

There is a point in the book where Ash’s family doctor retires and he gets a new one, and the discontinuity in care is a tension for him. This also felt realistic. Feral in particular related to how to this doctor immediately going into talking about puberty & assuming that pregnancy is something that he’d want & that he’d want his penis removed.

The Intermedicalist Vibes 

We were kind of unimpressed by how the physicians were lionized both in the book and the acknowledgments. Again, we think there’s value in role modeling better care for clinician readers. But it was just a little too ego-fawning for our tastes. 🧐

A bunch of us felt the book had intermedicalist vibes not just because of how the clinicians were presented, but how the intersex community was represented. 🧐 The book has several intersex characters, that Ash meets through a local intersex support group. Rather than highlight the wide variety of intersex variations, Santana is extremely consistent about only ever representing intersex as involving genital differences. 🫤

Santana explicitly defines intersex as the following: ““Intersex” encompasses a broad spectrum of genital and chromosomal conditions that fall outside the accepted sex binary.” - it is important for readers to know this is an exclusionist definition of intersex. Santana is very tellingly omitting hormonal variations from her definition of intersex. This goes against how every major intersex organization defines intersex, and it goes against the norms of the intersex community. 😡

Variations like PCOS-hyperandrogenism are intersex, and Santana is undermining the intersex community by instead deferring to how physicians define intersex. We were unimpressed, and it is a reason some of us are hesitant to recommend the book.

This said, Feral felt that the twist at the end of the book helped reduced the intermedicalist vibe: it showed how when intersex people hold intermedicalist views, it can hurt them.

The Parental Abuse

The parental abuse in this book felt very real to us, and many of us related to one or more aspects of it. Ash’s father was physically abusive. Ash’s mother was emotionally immature and abusive. As one participant put it: “it was a a fork twist in my stomach because it was familiar.” 😭

Feral praised the parts about Ash’s father seeing Ash being intersex as a personal failing, and a reflection on him as a man & father. It was very relatable and Feral has noticed a lot of perisex people assume that parents are (more) accepting of intersex since it can’t be seen as a choice, and so “I liked seeing the portrayal of how toxic masculinity ties into how some fathers treat their intersex children.”

While Ash very quickly wrote off his father for being physically abusive, it took him longer to realize his mother was also abusive, and this felt realistic. Feral brought up: “There’s a part where [Ash’s sister] is talking about the difference between their parents & she says ‘I thought mom was the good parent’ because her abuse was more subtle & based in manipulation rather than physical & screaming like their father is, and I really enjoyed it showing how sometimes abuse that seems lesser on a surface level can end up doing just as much or more damage psychologically.” 

We appreciated how Ash coming to terms with what he experienced was abused was not drawn out. As Remy put it: “I've read a lot of books on trauma and convincing the reader that what they experienced was abuse, so just kind of gotten what I needed from those plots.”

We liked the parallel between Ash’s mother refusing to believe that Ash’s sister is a lesbian, and her refusing to believe that Ash knows his gender.

Rylee mused that if Ash hadn’t been abused at home, he might have stood up for himself more. 🤔

The Custody Fight

Given how much effort Santana appeared to put into trying to make the health stuff accurate, it was surprising to us how implausible the custody fight felt. Ash never meets with a lawyer. His sister’s lawyer never sits him down to talk about his options or to prepare him for court. 🧐

Emancipation is never even mentioned as an option. This felt like a lost opportunity: for any intersex teenager reading this book who is in a similar situation, they should know this is a path that exists. It may not be an easy or viable path, but it’s one they should talk to a lawyer about. Again, including a conversation with Ash’s sister’s lawyer - e.g. “I recommend we try for [sister] to have custody since emancipation has these hurdles….” would have both bolstered the plausibility of the custody fight and spread useful information.

Once again, the book’s acknowledgements were discussed: Santana sought advice from physicians on the medical accuracy, but no lawyers are acknowledged as such. 🙃

Remy brought up how this book illustrates how children’s rights are vital to intersex rights, highlighting this passage: "It doesn’t matter,” Miss Marbury said, “because we still live by a system that considers the convenience of the parents before the well-being of the child. Until that changes, kids in your position have to deal with a lot of hardships.” I appreciated this spelling out of the issue. 🩷

The fact that the custody battle is resolved by Ash extorting his mother got mixed reactions. Elizabeth felt it was not a great moral. In contrast, Remy cheered: Ash got himself out of an unsafe situation, and dirty tactics are sometimes needed for this. Feral and Rylee pointed out that Ash gave his mother a choice.

Miscellaneous thoughts

The repeated references to the Salem witch trials got mixed reactions. There’s an apoliticized history of the witch trials that conveniently leaves out how these were intentionally antifeminist, pro-capitalist, and anti-Indigenous, that this book definitely is steeped in this apoliticized history of them.

Michelle liked how the character Ariel wasn’t a “palatable” character, as xe feels like they know that person.

Rylee pointed out that the name Ash Bishop is probably an allusion to the Alien franchise.

Who should read this book?

We spent a bunch of time talking about what circumstances we would and would not recommend this book. Elizabeth said ze’d only recommend it to folks who already know Intersex 101 and would understand this book is exclusionist. Elizabeth wants intermedicalists to read this book, because intersex people who are very insistent that sex != gethinnder can be very invalidating to those of us who are intergender, and ze thinks the book meets these people where they are.

We generally agreed that Power to Yield and Cattywampus make for better “first” intersex books for people to read. Remy argued this book was more nuanced than Across the Green Grass Fields, and would put it roughly in that tier of book that help move the needle but maybe don’t do everything right.

Feral shared: “This is the first intersex focused fiction I’ve read so I can’t compare it, but while I definitely wouldn’t want this to be someone’s entire idea of intersex experience, I do think this would be good for giving people an idea of what intersexism can look like, especially for perisex trans people who don’t quite get the complicated issues with gender & identity that can happen when you’re intersex & that gender assignment & expectations aren’t clear cut.”

We talked about the pressure on intersex books to “do it all” - if a reader only reads one intersex book, to ensure that all of the important points are made and no mixed messages are sent. 😵‍💫 It also puts a pressure on authors to talk more about trauma, to ensure that people know the issues we face, but people always aren’t up for doing the literary equivalent of eating their vegetables. We want and deserve more fun intersex books. (This was definitely a “eat your vegetables” book.)

We talked about trauma porn, and how literary awards tend to reward the textual equivalent of Oscar Bait, and how too much intersex literature (especially by perisex authors) is just trauma porn.

Even though this book had a ton of trauma in it, this book didn’t feel like trauma porn to us. Ash was given so much stuff to do other than suffer. The plot was well paced, didn’t dwell any longer than needed on traumatic events. As Michelle put it: “it focuses on the trauma and not the sensationalization.” Bnuuy pointed out that unlike trauma porn, which isolates people from community and resources, this book illustrated how finding and going to intersex organizations can be a hugely positive impact on one’s life as an intersex person. 💜

The character Thomas is presented as a foil to Ash – he’s also intersex, yet has parents who are accepting and affirming. Feral pointed out that Thomas’ inclusion was another thing that kept the book from feeling like trauma porn. 💜

We all agreed this book makes for a very good example of how to cover a lot of trauma yet still be very caring of the reader! 👍️

Final thoughts

We noticed that the acknowledgments section only acknowledged intersex people that Santana seems to consume the content of (i.e. para-social relationships), rather than any bi-directional acknowledgements (i.e. thank you for your feedback on the draft). This is always a bit of a red flag for us, and we hope that Santana has since gotten more connected to the intersex community! Being an intersex author does not mean you should skip on having other intersex people read your drafts 💜

We all hoped that Santana gets/has gotten quality feedback about the exclusionist, intermedicalist vibes; and that this isn’t the last book she writes on intersex!

[edgessunflower]

Hi, cutie pie. Can I request PCOS comfort with poly! Judgement Day? Because of this syndrome of mine, I'm basically growing a beard under my chin and my mom said I look like a man if I don't shave, maybe you could do something like the boys and Rhea helping reader to shave?

Support system

Pairing: Judgement day x Fem reader

Description: Your partners help you deal with your PCOS especially with your unwanted facial hair

Embarrassment floods through you looking in the mirror only to notice the small patch of little hairs under your chin making tears form in your eyes as Dom walks in. You lean against him as he wraps his arms around you with his chin on your shoulder "What's wrong pretty girl?" the pet name makes your heart swell and crack as you sigh slowly lifting your face up where he sees "Oh baby it's okay this can be taken care of" all your partners knew of your condition with PCOS and knew that it made you self conscious with what it did to you from the chin hair, bad acne, to oily skin, and your period being chaotic as all hell but your partners always helped you in anyway they could and never judged you for your condition and when it affected you badly like right now as dom holds you "What's going on loves?" you smile seeing Rhea as she brushes her hair watching dom grab a razor "Starting to get stubble?" she laughs at his offended look before you show her your chin making her run her hands along your cheek "We could wax this" your eyes widen remembering the last time Finn waxed your chin when the two of you were at home while the others were on the road turning when you hear Damian chuckle before pressing a kiss on your forehead. After talking for a bit rhea came back in the bathroom with an eyebrow razor sitting you on the sink counter slowly gliding it along your chin while damian made breakfast downstairs with finn cracking jokes and dom gently teaching you how to use a normal razor if you needed to use it and rhea doing the same with the eyebrow razor since you didn't use them opting to just pluck the hairs with tweezers and letting finn wax it one time and once only after the waxing made your chin bleed a little smiling as you look at your now smooth chin before heading downstairs and having breakfast together leading to now as you lay on damian wrapped in his arms watching tv who noticed that you were in a bit of pain and more tired but that didn't bother him giving you Tylenol and snuggling you "Go to sleep Mariposa we'll be here" the other three smile seeing you asleep on damian before waking up an hour later grabbing and putting on dom's hoodie feeling more tired than you had before dozing off until you feel yourself be lifted off the couch opening your eyes slightly to see finn carrying you to bed tucking you in as rhea wrapped you in her arms rubbing her hand on your side under the hoodie and loose shirt. The next day all of them each told and taught you how to shave in case you needed to while all of them were on the road and couldn't do it for you or help you melting at how caring they were smiling as you are tucked between damian and rhea in bed watching tv after dinner smothered in cuddles, love, and kisses until you fell asleep to dom rubbing your arm and molded against damian listening to his heartbeat after each of you shared a soft kiss and an I love you to each other.

[bardic-tales]

I'm back now. It didn't take too long. About 10 minutes at the lab. I'm extremely lucky that the lab my doctor uses is right next to my doctor's office. I should have the results either later today or tomorrow.

The doctor is worried about my Vt. D levels, still. I am still so tired. But I am also prediabetic, as I have PCOS. Hopefully, the results will be better than last year.

The phlebotomist was the same girl, but it was quick this time. Only thing that really went wrong was the tape to hold the gauze to the syringe mark wouldn't stick. About 10 minutes from the check-in to walking out.

I hate getting poked, but nothing beats the time my best friend went with me to get blood work. We were 15 and 16 at the time, and my doctor then was trying to figure out why my heart skipped a beat. Well, my friend ended up passing out. We still joke about that when I go home from time to time.

I did imagine Sephiroth was with me, holding my hand. This is part of my self-shipping and the comfort this character gave me for 28 years. You see, MY Sephiroth, the one I ship myself with, is different from the FWC's one. My one is like a combo of both the 1st Class SOLDIER and the One-Winged Angel. He's more tempered? I guess.

I should introduce my S/I that I created a few weeks ago to place me there. While I sometimes use Bia as a stand-in for myself, but she is more of an OC. And I sure couldn't handle the full One-Winged Angel like she could. lol. My S/I is named Colette. She is a failed novelist who writes fan fiction of the boys. She also is a shop keeper who loves knicknacks and items like that? They met on patrol. She literally walked into him on accident.

The diner we tend to go to is a little hole in the wall. That was quick too. There were few people at both places.

Thanks for all the well wishes and everything. Now, I want to write a fic where Bianca takes both Vincent, Lucrecia, and Baby!Seph to a pocket dimension so those three could be a family.

[transfemme-shelterdog]

(forcemasc anon, huge vent) this is such a stupid thing. but. my period started unexpectedly (should have expected it, i have pcos) and im in so much pain and also so tired of the dysphoria and mental hurt and even more pain. and also i had to go get a (womens) kurta tailored today for an event im going to (not out to anyone in my family) and my mom had them cinch in the waist a little to "give it shape" and because i loved the lack of defined waist i died inside but went with it because. i already have a masc closet and hair that gets me gendered correctly even though im not on T yet and my voice is high pitched, because everyone is so conservative theyd sooner consider a faggy short boy with tits than a girl with an army cut (idek how those mental gymnastics work but theyre not wrong about me specifically) and i just. i cant take those privileges for granted because my parents would kill me if they knew i was trans, even though they make fun of me for being "a boy" and being called sir because of it etc etc and i caNNOT go back to long hair and girly hairstyles. im so glad ive always hated dresses and threw tantrums when my mom started putting me in dresses past the age where i could object to my own wardrobe. i dont know why im telling you this. im just so tired and so hurt and i wish i wasnt born this way sometimes. i dont know how to alleviate the dysphoria i dont know how to stop the pain and hurt and im so, so tired. im just so tired. i hate having my period and i should be allowed to kill doctors with hammers for daring to suggest that "women" cant have facial hair and should shave and go on oestrogen to "fix" their bodies. even though it doesnt apply to me and i like having extra androgens, i know that it could be an insecurity in cis women/girls. but like. fuck everything and everyone and fuck my stupid baka life. im sorry. you can delete this. i just need to get it out of my system tbh. i wish somebody would validate my pain and like, hug me or something idk. i dont like my parents touching me at all and theyre the only contact i have regularly becuase all my friends live at minimum an hour away and since im "a girl" and from an extremely conservative family i cant hang out with the guys who live ten minutes away from me or take a cab to any place ever. fuck. fuck.

Anon, I'm so terribly sorry to hear that you're going through this. I really am. I wish I could be there to just give you a big hug, and tell you that everything will be ok. I wish I could help you get to a better place where you can be your most authentic self.

You're a man, and nothing will ever change that. Always have, and always will be.

Your pain is valid, and I truly hope that you can get the help that you need as soon as possible.

I'll always be here for you, and always here to offer the love and support that you crave <3

[edai-crplpnk]

Some Team 7 + Team 10 chara sheets!

I did more chara sheets for my modern AU. (I did Team 8 + Sand Sibs here!) They don't appear much in the fics I already wrote, I don't know if they will in the future (maybe some plan for Naruto & Jiraiya fic one day?) but I have headcanons for them!

1 - The Girlfriends

Additional facts!

Sakura:

She's been best friend with Naruto since childhood and was quite scared to come out to him as a teen, not so much because she thought he'd reject her entirely but more because she was scared it would change their dynamics if they weren't boy friends anymore. Naruto was very excited about the whole thing, and supported her plenty in her transition.

She's training to be a surgeon and met Ino in med school.

In Seeing Stars, she is roommate with Lee and Tenten, but she'll move in with Ino later, and Gaara will take her place (well, more like he'll take Lee's bed room and there is one free now but-)

This is my "everyone is gay, everyone is disabled" AU and she is the token abled chara for now, but that might change if I get inspired. Not fully set on that.

Ino:

She's known she was a lesbian (although maybe not in this word) since very young. Also, at the time, Shikamaru and Chouji were perceived as such too, so that made them a trio.

She graduates to be a physical therapist around the year of Seeing Stars. She trained a lot on Sakura (lovingly) and Lee (more brutally).

Her endometriosis is somewhat managed by progesterone but she still has some flare-ups from time to time.

2 - The Boyfriends

Chouji:

They are Brazilian through their mother and Japanese through Chouza.

They struggled a bit figuring out their gender and tried presenting more masculine earlier in their transition, cutting their hair short and all that, but really didn't like it and, after some distress and talking it through with Ino and Shikamaru, let themself own that they were, really, a femboy. He is cool with masculine words (like being Shikamaru's boyfriend).

They considered stopping T after a while but liked how it felt for the most part, and it also helped manage PCOS symptoms.

He is rather sensory-seeking and loves being able to play around with textures, colours and sparkles.

He manages chronic pain with compressive clothes, knee braces and crutches.

Shikamaru:

Identified as a boy for about forever, and was very uncomfortable with being perceived as a lesbian with Chouji as a teen (which Chouji didn't really mind on his end), in a good part because of dysphoria, but also because he's never been into girls? (Dating Chouji has been a lot of confusion until they both figured themselves out, but it did feel right, somehow. Now he knows why.)

It might not have happened yet by the time of Seeing Stars because this shit takes time, but he is eventually getting phalloplasty and a cool tattoo sleeve on his left arm afterwards to hide the graft site.

Between his fatigue and Chouij's pain, they are a very cuddly pair and spending a lot of time in each other's presence at home. It's not always easy to go out and do things whatever they may be, but they make sure that the time they spend home together feels significant and not just routine.

3 - The Not Boyfriends

Naruto:

After some chaotic and pretty traumatic time in the foster care system as a baby and young child, he was taken in by Jiraiya, a relative of Kushina. He still lives with him as an adult, though they have a more roommate-y relationship than father/son.

He has struggled a lot with school the whole time, and it got worse after being separated from Sasuke (see below) and Sakura (because he failed and had to repeat some years along the way). He didn't graduate from high school in the end.

He does restaurant delivery by bike for a living, which provides him with both a lot of time spent working the hyperactivity out, and social contact with all the cooks in the neighbourhood (who all love him and have adopted him like a stray cat.)

He is very good friend with Kiba. They met in group therapy but Kiba is not great at that so they mostly meet to smoke together.

He is bi but probably too obsessed with Sasuke and the faith he have they'll be together again to really put himself out there for anyone.

Sasuke:

He and Naruto were close (and eventually sort of dating) as children and teens, but they got into a fireworks accident together where they both lost an arm (and Sasuke some hearing). Fugaku moved him to private schooling after the events, and they haven't reconnected since then.

He has sort of convinced himself he is straight, not even out of complicated feelings for his sexuality, but really just to be able to think he isn't and has never been into Naruto, because he resents him a lot for the accident and doesn't want to come to term with forgiveness or even just admitting he is still important to him.

He's tried using a prosthetic arm for years after his injury, but never quite found one he managed to work with. He also has important phantom pain that plays into that.

For now, he's joined the police like Fugaku. Let's all hope he'll get himself together eventually.

[defilerwyrm]

I feel so stupid to say this but I'm a trans man, but I have a lot of learning disabilities so I'm trying to understand things better. I was born AFAB but I'm trying to understand how "bio sex" works and if it is even real. I've heard a lot of people say it isn't but that makes me feel sorta as if my transness isn't valid then. I do not agree w trans meds at all, they're terf lites and their "male/female brain" stuff is so wrong. But I'm curious since the brain isn't gendered, what makes us the bio sex we are? I get gender is different and it is WHO we are and how we think and present etc but can you explain bio sex please? :) I also really want phallo and top surgery and it makes me curious how gender which is a social construct has an urge to match up with biology somehow? Like how come my dysphoria feels so bad that I lack a dick..how does my gender want that?

Hoo boy. Biological sex is actually really complex. It’s made up of your sex chromosomes, sex hormones, primary sex characteristics developed as a fetus, secondary sex characteristics developed in puberty, and I think a few other factors I’m forgetting. All of these elements are not binary (meaning there are only two options), but instead bimodal (meaning there are two options that are the most common, but there are others).

So using myself as an example, my chromosomes are unknown because I’ve never been karyotyped (tested for sex chromosomes); my endocrine system is almost completely testosterone-based; I have zero “female” reproductive organs and most of the “male” ones (minus testes); and I have a few “female” sex characteristics (undeveloped hyoid (Adam’s apple), wide hips, narrow shoulders, smallish hands & feet) and many “male” ones (deep voice, broad jaw, flat chest, vascular hands, body hair, facial hair, male pattern alopecia, male fat distribution, lower body temperature, high sex drive). So without knowing what my chromosomes are, by all accounts I’m male.

The whole male brain/female brain thing has been pretty well debunked. There are only subtle differences between the brains of cis men and cis women at the population level, and those physical differences that do exist are most likely caused by differences in socialization for certain skillsets. In other words, if you teach boys and girls that they’re supposed to be good at different things as they’re growing up, their brains will develop to be better at those things that they practice from an early age—be that fine motor skills, or telling colors apart, or interpreting other people’s tone and moods, or being empathetic, etc. Obviously there are disabilities that can stand in the way or complicate matters, but there’s something called the Pygmalion effect where if you consistently tell a child that they’re good at a certain thing, they will BECOME good at it—and if you consistently tell a child they’re bad at a thing, they will do poorly at it.

Something I find really interesting, talking about the link between biological sex and gender identity, is the prevalence of PCOS (poly-cystic ovarian syndrome) in trans men. The rates shown by studies varies a lot, but taking average rates, about 5% (1 in 20) AFAB people have PCOS, but about 60% (3 in 5) trans men have it. PCOS is an endocrine condition (and, arguably, an intersex condition) that has a slew of effects, and one of those is relatively high levels of androgens like testosterone. The REALLY interesting part is that PCOS medications that decrease testosterone and increase estrogen result in MORE gender dysphoria for trans men and LESS in cis women! I remember before I even figure out I’m trans, my mom told me I needed to get on metformin to decrease testosterone and boost estrogen, and the very thought of it made me nauseous and angry!

A possible interpretation of that is that there is an intrinsic link between our gender identity and our physical sex that opposes our primary sex characteristics. In other words, we’re MEANT to be men and our bodies know it.

(Now, things like this on the trans woman side, I will admit I don’t know offhand; you’d have to ask a trans woman who follows medical science. I would point you to my sister because she fits the bill, but we have an unspoken agreement to keep our online lives separate for privacy. That is to say, I don’t remember her blog name lmao sorry sis)

But yeah. The thing about top and bottom dysphoria is that it isn’t like social dysphoria where it depends on how you’re seen by others. It’s an internal knowledge—a gnosis, if you will—that something is WRONG regardless of what others think, say, or do. Speaking for myself again, sure you can be a man without a dick, fine, whatever, but I, personally, was supposed to have one. It wasn’t the social construction of what masculinity is supposed to entail that made me hate my tits and cooch, it was the fact that they felt horrible and wrong and I knew I was meant to have a flat chest, dick, and balls instead. And that feeling of wrongness started at a very young age, if I’m honest; I just didn’t have the vocabulary and knowledge to identify it until my mid-20s.

How does this relate to my PCOS? We don’t actually know. But don’t you think it’s interesting that the signs that I was trans were there long before my first puberty awakened the PCOS in the first place?

Gender roles are a fluid social construct. What’s considered masculine and feminine change with culture and time. But gender identity is, as far as medical science can figure, hardwired in the brain. For most people, by happy coincidence of sex and gender being bimodal, their physical sex (as complex as it is!) and gender identity more or less align, and they never really have to think about it. For others, there is a natural misalignment between the two—and it can take quite some time to figure it all out, because our cultures try very to force a bimodal spectrum into a binary box.

I think I’ve rambled enough, hey? Let’s see if my dogshit wifi will let me post this without losing everything.

[bear-at-the-museum]

So I've been thinking about this for a while now, especially since I learned a few things. I've seen a few posts lately talking about how many people with pcos think of themselves as falling under the intersex umbrella, and I did a little research on that. While I was seeing these posts and reading some articles, I learned from my mother, entirely unprompted, that I was born without a vagina. Like, I had female internal organs and when im on my pcos meds I have a regular period but when I was born there wasn't, like, a hole. And the doctors had my mom give me estrogen until one opened up. And learning that about myself combined with reading about how others with pcos consider themselves intersex has made me think about stuff like, a lot. I've never really felt like how I've been told a girl is supposed to feel, I was always really different from my sisters, and it feels weird to call myself a woman. I've never really felt like a boy either, because although I do embrace my masculine side I didn't fit in with the boys growing up either and I don't particularly like thinking of myself as a man. I'm alright with continuing to go by she/her pronouns because thats what ive gone by my whole life and its how all my friends and family know me, but i guess if im really honest with myself i feel more like im somewhere in between, you know? I like the shortened version of my name but i tell people not to call me by my actual first name cause it just doesnt feel like me. I think I'm probably just going to keep being me and let the exact categorization of what the fuck i am be everyone else's problem. I don't really have a good conclusion or like, a point I'm trying to make. Honestly I just wanted to get this out of my head and put it somewhere else and this seemed like an okay place.

[amberlin1]

Including PCOS having people is a dividing issue for the intersex community apparently

I am AFAB. I quite like having tits and a vagina. I have hirsutism and zero periods without a bcp, and a body that felt like it betrayed me for a longass time. In my teens and 20s i had a lot of gender dysphoria, which felt really strange and uncomfortable to me, to be feeling the same thing mtf trans people were feeling (they were the only type of trans people in the media that i was exposed to)

I realised, when i realised i was bi, a lot of my identity issues went away almost immediately. It became a who-cares deal for me 20 min after me realising im queer. It's strange to say that it was freeing for me, after being raised new testament pentecostal, where i didnt actively feel like i was hiding. Religiously i didnt feel it, but it did overlap into the social aspect, where i felt it through sex, gender identity ,and gender expression.

PCOS made it so i never had a period for long stretches of time, until eventually without a bcp, i'd never have one. At one point, i'd go for 9 months without a period. I went for an x-ray and had to tell the tech when my last period was. 9 months. And i'm wearing the uniform for a prestigious secondary school. (I wasn't pregnant, i just have a shit body)

I largely kept to myself and never made additional connections with people, and romance was out of my head (for a lot of reasons, but this was one). i hated to show my face anywhere (difficult). I tried so hard to be feminine like i was as a child, and when i saw i couldnt i went the other direction. It was exhausting. I stopped. But i still kept largely to myself. But i kept trying to overcorrect this mistake. Im not a trans woman, i'm cis, so why do i feel like this? Why is this the way i feel? Why do i look like this?

I remember my mother asking me why i need to have birth control if im not having sex, and i'm not going to, cuz i don't have a bf. I told i feel like i need to to feel like a woman. She laughed at me. That was a stupid reason and it's a waste of time. I left it alone after that. For the rest of my 20s the same questions kept coming up, along with my (weak) rebuttal. I'm not trans, i'm cis. I just have a shit uterus.

In 2020 during lockdown, with no customer service work, and a lot of time on queer tiktok, i finally brought back up the question of my sex and gender identity and expression.

I remember a tiktok user saying they see themselves as intersex because of their pcos diagnosis. Its been like 4 years so details are lost, but from what i remember, because hormonally their body doesn't do what afab bodies are expected to do, they consider themself intersex. I played around with the idea but intersex as a label isn't mine.

I'm still consider myself pretty femme. In tastes and expression. But. There is a BUT.

As i say, I don't consider myself intersex. For physical or hormonal traits that i have. I don't think the label fits for me at all. It may for some people. That's okay, and i'm happy there are people in the intersex community accepting and welcoming PCOS havers with them.

I mentioned a BUT.

I can't see myself as intersex or trans.

I do like my default body.

I sometimes feel like i can have more. Not different parts, additional parts. But not all the time. Just sometimes.

I'm girl, I'm more than girl, i'm less than girl. I am nowhere boy. I can't fully take the trans label. Like, i can, conceivably, it's alright. But no. Not mine.

By definition, genderflux. It's a dimmer switch and for the most part i'm happy in the middle with a circumstantial need in either direction.

By the way it feels in my mouth, Genderfluid sounds better.

By vibes though, i'm sticking with genderqueer. I know what i am, i just can't describe it to myself, leastways to the world.

You don't have to think of yourself as intersex just because you have PCOS. But if you do, i'm grateful to the community that accepts you. At the end of the day, the human body is a strange thing. You may share situations or symptoms with somebody. Remember nothing is a unique experience, no matter how it feels. It's nice to have a community for support.

Just. Be kind.

We're all kinds of fucked up. That's why we're together.

[yourresidentstanlover]

I've got a silly au thing i'm workin on:

Stan and my oc Kyle stay together and work on the portal for those 30 years.

Kyle ends up getting pregnant in 1996 (he's 40 and Stan is 44).

It's a complete shock. They'd figured Kyle couldn't get pregnant due to the testosterone and PCOS. Boy, were they wrong.

It's a rough fucking pregnancy man

Kyle was actually pregnant with twins at first, but early on he miscarried one of the twins. The other ended up fine.

Stan made Kyle go to the doctor to make sure he and the baby were fine. Kyle doesn't like doctors, but he begrudgingly does it.

They were in for a shock once their kid was born.

After she was delivered, Kyle was holding her, and Stan gently grabbed her tiny lil hand. To his surprise, there were six fingers. Guess it runs in the family.

He tears up at this and starts to cry, his kid reminding him of Ford.

Peggy is actually transfem, and Margaret was the name that her parents were going to choose if she was a girl. She just goes by Peggy for short.

Her full name is Margaret Caryn Pines.

She usually looks like Kyle, since her hair is bright red, but sometimes, Stan sees himself in her, and subsequently sees Ford.

Especially with Peg's six fingers. She's bullied a lot in school for them, and Stan's had to force himself multiple times to not beat up a child.

Peggy does befriend Wendy and Tambry probably sometime in middle school, and later becomes friends with the others.

When Dipper and Mable arrive, she becomes fast friends with Mabel. Dipper takes more time to warm up to Peggy, but they eventually bond over being trans (maybe during Dipper vs. Manliness?)

She tries to attack Ford when he punches Stan, but Kyle holds her back.

Eventually they make up and become friends.

She only knew Stan as Stanford, and didn't know she had another uncle until ATOTS.

She was very upset when she learned that Stan had been lying to her about who he really was. It's one thing if it's to strangers, but it's another when it's lying to your own kid about your entire identity.

She felt like she couldn't trust him, and tried to help Mabel and Dipper shut down the portal.

Peggy did eventually trust Stan again.

Nowww for some traits that she got from her parents, and just general personality stuff:

She's got Kyle's hair, but it's curly like Stan's (or it should be, anyways. i need to work on drawing curly hair). I kinda wanted her to have like Alice Cullen hair, but curlier. (gotta have those Pines curls, y'know?)

She also has Stan's nose, and his eye color.

Peggy need glasses (like her parents) but refuses to wear them (like Kyle. that man needs glasses but he's a stubborn bitch)

She also has Stan's cleverness, and often helps him con tourists.

Peggy is also a good pickpocket, and will steal your wallet if you piss her off (her dads are so proud)

Like Stan, she'll blurt out stuff randomly when under pressure. (it's gotten her into trouble more than once).

Both Stan and Kyle have dyslexia, so Peggy inherited from both of them.

She's often getting in trouble for shoplifting and general thievery.

Peggy is very mischievous, and is often pulling pranks with Wendy and Co.

She usually calls Stan "pa" or "pops," and calls Kyle "dad."

After she graduates high school (two years after the show ends) she joins Stan and Ford on their sailing expeditions around the world.

Lots of crime ensues.

I may actually write a oneshot about her traveling with the Stans, and their nautical adventures.

right now this is the only colored drawing i have of her lol. (soft pastels are kind of a bitch to work with lmao)

[that-darn-clown]

okay, sad ask now.

Henry and William's childhoods!! (plus how they met each other)

Henry:

grew up in a Very rural town in Utah (not Hurricane). like we're talking most people are farmers and there probably isn't more than 100-200 people living here. considering the time period (late 30's-early 40's), makes sense.

this poor guy's bio dad sucked. like he was horrible.

has an older sister named Jen :] (< canonical to the books, i'm sure)

he had only a few stuffed animals growing up: Teddy (bear, obviously), Theodore (rabbit), Dawn (chicken; technically a rooster but Henry didn't give a fuck), and Cooper (fox; fell apart often because it was the oldest of all the toys).

those lil guys would become his inspiration to make the OG Freddy's Gang.

he shipped Teddy and Theodore together, despite growing up heavily religious. he'd just check around to make sure no one was watching them and then he'd go "hehe now Kiss :3"

well. time for a bit of Projection. so like. Henry's Transmasc. now uh while doing some research because i remembered that there are some things that can cause facial hair (or "abnormal hair growth," as some sites call it where women grow hair on places where they either aren't supposed grow much/noticeable hair or any hair at all) in women. did some research, might have PCOS but with more...milder symptoms? idk because some of the symptoms/signs aren't things that i deal with personally. but the hair and the acne stuff matches up and we'll leave it there for now. but anyway, so there's that: Henry starting growing some facial hair (coincidentally a few months before realizing that. he May not be a girl, actually), and because he thought it was cool and because well he's already kind of a social outcast anyway so why not am i right? he decided to keep it.

dad got thrown in jail for fighting and almost killing someone in a bar fight, and his mom remarried. stepdad was much better :]

got his interest in mechanics and robotics from old sci-fi movies and having to fix stuff like his bike and some of the electricity and wiring in the house (mostly 'cause it Sucked).

time for college came around, and well...his stepdad knew some people who were willing to help with his transition as much as they could in like the 50's-60's. got his boy some top surgery, what technically would count as a "fake ID" (Henry and his stepdad would call it an "updated ID," though. which in a way they aren't wrong about), and then sent him off to college!

he 100% gives off the vibes of going down the "weird "girl" who later discovered they weren't a girl at all" to "goofy but Very autistic father" pipeline. i accept no criticism on this, he just Does.

yes he is a furry. Fredbear is in fact his fursona.

William:

hoo fucking BOY did this guy's parents SUCK.

like if you ever wonder why Rewrite!William's Like That as an adult, you've just got to look at his childhood.

his parents were distant and neglectful At Best, and physically + verbally abusive At Worst.

unfortunately for him, something that certainly didn't help matters was that He Was Autistic As Hell. sensory issues, couldn't understand social cues to save his life (still can't, tbh), and just in general was...odd.

some would've called him "eccentric," maybe. had an odd interest in rabbits, in drawing. he was always rather quiet, staring in an almost unnerving way at the walls or just on someone by accident. but mention anything he enjoyed, and he'd talk your ear off.

despite all of this, he was well-loved by teachers. charming lil guy, y'know? not exactly popular with most of the other kids, though...but effectively a Teacher's Pet, pretty much. not that he minded much, either; "If they can tell me something I haven't already heard from my parents, maybe I'll start listening." (< something that concerned the Fuck out of his art teacher once, fun fact!)

used to cry a lot as a kid; got him bullied often :(

parents were rich, and he had a lot of siblings (three sisters and two brothers; loved each other but acted rather distant :().

after a lot of begging from Will, on his 6th birthday, his parents got him a pet rabbit (mostly because they wanted him to shut the fuck up about it) that he named "O'Hare" (familiar sounding name, ain't it?).

and God, did that kid love that rabbit. took the best care of him he could. played with him with whatever spare time he had. he adored O'Hare.

of course...William never had the best luck as a child. when he was eight years old, a couple of friends of one of his older brothers had come over to hang out. they had found William drawing while talking to O'Hare, decided to mess around a bit, and...well, they were a bit too rough with the rabbit, we'll put it that way.

despite his brother getting rightfully pissed at those two for y'know. Killing His Brother's Pet Rabbit, even if it was technically an accident, and trying to comfort his brother, William is inconsolable.

of course, not that his parents understand that this isn't something William's just going to get over in a few days; they're just pissed off and annoyed that their son won't stop crying (to give an example, something his father said, "It's just a stupid rabbit, William! Now stop your whining and bitching!").

of course, William never really got over it that quickly. he practically closed himself off, escaping into doing art to ignore his grief and give himself something to distract himself. and he starts drawing his dead bunny as a new character: this time, as an actual hare. and anthropomorphic. look, William had been watching old Disney cartoons and Looney Tunes, also as a way of comforting himself. and maybe he got inspired a bit...maybe a way to immortalize his old rabbit. heck, who knows, maybe he could become an animator and rival Walt himself!

or, maybe, as he starts drawing and thinking more and more...a way to become his old rabbit? (< aka William is a furry. and a therian. maybe even ockin? well uh....if it works as a coping mechanism, then it works, i guess?)

at least...until his family discovered his sketchbook. and decided that the Best Course Of Action is to send their clearly grieving son to a BOARDING SCHOOL. when he was NINE.

and we ain't talking about a "teachers are kinda strict and you're expected to keep your grades up" boarding school. we're talking a "you will get your ass beat for something as small as accidentally dropping your PENCIL" boarding school.

because their other option is probably taking him to a psychiatrist and having to deal with the public humiliation that having an openly mentally ill family member at that time would cause (which gee guys, I WONDER WHOSE FAULT THAT IS?? I WONDER WHY YOUR SON HAS ISSUES??).

so they send him off, and uh. that goes as well as you'd expect: the letters are practically constant, talking about William's ever-worsening behavior problems. at first, he just clammed up and kept to himself, and anytime it came to corporal punishment, they mention that he hardly ever flinches. then...it got worse. he'd have breakdowns, usually at bedtime, and it would wake other students up. he'd get violent with bullies, not even caring for the consequences. he was always closed off, only ever happy during an art class. even stranger, despite the behavior problems...his grades never suffered. they don't understand it.

eventually, when he's fifteen, they send him home. they decided "yep. we're not dealing with him on the Teenager Hormones. he's Y'all's problem again." (< ignore that this is taking place in England)

his behavior problems? never get any better while he's still at home: his emotions are volatile now. he's sad? everyone in the damn house is gonna hear it from his bedroom. he's angry? hope no one was attached to that glass cup he was holding, because it's broken now.

the family just decides to move over to America (i'd say maybe either Virginia or NY. don't ask why, those are the vibes i'm getting), because i think they're starting to realize They Fucked Up Somewhere and decided maybe a change of scenery would help William. It Really Didn't, But They Tried.

when he turns 18, they just buy him a car, give him a bunch of money, and send him off into the world; "Go to college. Or don't. We don't really care what you do at this point, we just don't want you here."

he just scoffs and decides that he'll go away. far away for college, somewhere where his family isn't breathing down his neck and he can just be himself, and just try things out. see what sticks.

not really like he wants to stay here, anyway.

(this man is also Not cis. probably some flavor of nonbinary. or even some form of rabbit/hare xenogender, purely 'cause it would fit. he'd like it/its pronouns and neopronouns, i'd think)

and now, fucking finally:

College:

they both only really found out that they'd been assigned as roommates when Henry finally arrived at the room. it was. an awkward first couple of hours.

they found out that they had pretty similar schedules, and a lot of the same classes, and. Well, Ain't That Convenient!

William goes back to being his old eccentric self, a rather dramatic man. he and Henry both took a drama class, but for different reasons (William because he could just be himself and Henry so that he could come out of his shell a bit).

they both found out about each other's fursonas and expected the other to go "ew cringe" but. they both found it pretty cool! (it definitely made Will happy, considering he'd been called a weirdo for that his entire life)

then pretty shortly after that they looked at the fact that they both had some. creative ideas with those fursonas and other characters, and while William originally went with the "let's make an animated cartoon show! :D" (which, keep in mind, was his original childhood plan), Henry thought about the fact that they were both in some mechanics/robotics classes and went "actually, I have a better idea-" and that's how the idea for Freddy's/Fredbear's was originally born :]

Henry came out as trans to William and his (at the time) girlfriend, Claire, because he had decided to keep his flannel unbuttoned and Claire saw his top surgery scars. after a couple of minutes of nearly choking on water (because Henry literally decided to start his explanation with "Oh, these are from where I got my breasts cut off-" and it caught Will so off guard), William basically went "HOLY SHIT, THAT'S SO COOL????"

also, final fun fact: these two Have explored each other's bodies before. in college. it's how Henry discovered he was pan and how Will discovered he was bi. just a fun fact for you :]

and there we go!! finally done :] gotta go eat now see ya later bestie enjoy these

AAAHH being like "aw my poor bois :[" and then stumbling upon They Have Explored Each Other's Bodies is maybe the best experience of my life lmaooo. I really like them being early furries. The internet comes out and they join a furry chat room and are like "holy shit chat are you seeing this" (if they had just stayed normal and not. Ya know. Done murder by then)

But yeah ough. My sillies...

[mirukutchi]

Attempt 2 at writing this lol bc the first one got deleted by accident

I wanted to add my experience to that last post I rbed, bc it resonated with me, particularly the first part where men will call eachother 'girl' or 'feminine' as an insult(this is the only part im commenting on as i am not a transwoman so i have no input on that part of the post. )

I have pcos. I always have. I have a very strong masculine face/jawline. I always have. Ive always had a deep voice, as someone who was born a girl and identifies(at least in part) as a girl. I want this to be known bc its context lol

Guys are not the only ones who misgender as an insult, or to dehumanize others. Girls do it too.

When i was in elementary school i didnt have female friends bc all of them would laugh at me and say they didn't want to be friends with an 'ugly boy'

When i would go to the bathroom in-between classes, other girls would push me out, or yank me out physically and say that 'ugly boys' are not allowed in the girls bathroom.

My mom always made me have short hair, and she always made me wear jeans(and boy shirts bc they are more durable than girl clothes. This part was. Okay. I guess. I liked pokemon and ben 10 so my little brain didnt understand.) I was not allowed to have long hair and i was not allowed to wear dresses or skirts(ever since i was little ive wanted to wear only dresses but i was not allowed to...)

I talked like a baby(high pitched voice) for a good part of my childhood bc i knew that my voice was ugly and deep. When i started to go to speech therapy, i started speaking ""normally"" and my voice got so deep... i remember one of the last times i used my baby voice it was with a teacher and another student, and the student said "hey teacher, listen to (deadname?)'s REAL voice, she sounds just like a boy!"

That was a defining moment in my life.

In middle school, when i still wasnt allowed to have long hair and dresses, girls in my health class would look at me and laugh and whisper about how im actually a boy, and that i shouldnt be there. My face started changing too, my jaw got stronger... my voice got deeper.

I think in highschool people were too focused on other things to really bother me too much, plus people *generally* by that time knew me as a sweet and quiet person, not to mention i was the 'art kid' so that gained me some friends lol, also by highschool i was allowed to grow my hair out, down to my butt almost! And i was allowed to wear dresses and skirts and leggings(mostly leggings at that time bc i was still super skinny lol)

After highschool i had a crisis and shaved my head and tried out being a guy(ftm) but it was, personally, an identity crisis. I didnt know who i was, i had been abused, emotionally and sexually, all through high school by a guy i thought was my friend(i wish i had left sooner...) so i was struggling with what was 'me' plus i thought to myself 'everyone calls me a guy anyway so fuck it' but it gave me advanced dysphoria to be a guy :/

My hair is long now. Past my butt, i can sit on it. I only, exclusively, wear skirts and dresses. I wear a skirt to work bc i begged them to let me(i have autism and pants are a sensory nightmare but also i hate the way i look in them also i will look more like a guy)

Do you know how often i get misgendered? Admittedly not often, but it still happens. Usually its kids, but sometimes i get people calling me 'sir'. I want to scoff and be like 'how can they mistake someone with long braided pigtails and a dress for being a man' and then i remember my childhood.

Also im not writing this to detract from trans experiences, im writing my own experience as a woman-thing with pcos(if you dont know, it basically means that the cysts on my reproductive organs cause me to produce extra testosterone and not enough estrogen) who has frequently been misgendered by other girls

I want to clarify that im also only responding to the first part of the post, im not trying to say my experiences are in some way comparative to trans experiences!

Terfs do NOT touch this post ill shoot you on sight!!!!! Pew pew!!!