#Overall it was a tiring day but it was good | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

strnilolover · 1 day ago

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NNN - matt sturniolo - never been good at goodbyes

⚠︎TRIGGER WARNINGS⚠︎ : Car accident, Death, Crying, Grieving, Funeral, Slight Depressive State, Slight Descriptive scenes, and More.

Other Information : This will start off with Matt’s pov then switch to readers. PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS FANFICTION AND NOT REAL LIFE. Matt is still very much alive and will be for years.

⚠︎THIS CONTENT BELOW MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR SOME READERS. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED. IF YOU ARE EASILY TRIGGERED BY ANYTHING IN THE WARNINGS PLEASE DO NOT READ OR READ AT YOUR OWN RISK⚠︎

Matt’s POV

Matt normally never had bad bad days, always being able to keep himself under control and keep things from getting to him. It was something he’d grown so used to doing after years of practicing and years of therapy. But, not all days were days he was able to control — and though that bothered him, he knew it wasn’t always something he could control.

Today had been a particularly stressful day for matt. There were meetings upon meetings and overall he just wasn’t feeling the best all day. He never liked to blame the way he was feeling on his anxiety, but he couldn’t help to think that maybe something happened this morning that just ticked him off and made him feel off all day.

So he decided to take a late night drive, after dropping nick and chris off at home. Matt’s hands gripped the steering wheel, his fingers tapping along to the rhythm of the music playing from his playlist. The streets were quiet tonight, then again, he did decide to drive through the country side so he didn’t have to deal with other cars and people.

As he steered the car on the smooth roads, he could feel his mind starting to become more at ease. His mind now thinking about you and how he was ready to tell you about his day once he got home. It wasn’t often that matt didn’t text you before he did anything, and he didn’t text you to tell you he was going out for a drive — his mind being too caught up in his thoughts before hand.

As he continued to drive, his phone buzzed from the passenger seat, and he smiled to himself, already guessing it was you. You were probably wondering why he hadn’t texted you at all yet — or goodnight yet. He resisted the urge to pick his phone up, knowing that was too dangerous, telling himself he’d text back once he was home. Just a few more minutes, he thought.

You always texted him if he wasn’t responding in the normal times he did, but a lot of the time you understood why he didn’t answer or why he couldn’t. He could probably already assume that you typed out a little thing about him not texted and then a good night — since you weren’t one to stay up too late like he was.

Matt continued to hum and tap his fingers along to the music, watching as little droplets of rain his his windshield in tiny patters — which caused his to reach and turn the windshield wipers on.

The roads started to become damp from the rain as the downpour started to pick up and his headlights cut through the darkness as he rounded a bend. There wasn’t much light along the road, his only source being his headlights in from of him and how they reflected off the road signs. But, when he went to make a particularly sharp turn — thinking he had it — he lost control of the car.

He felt the tires slip, the car skidding on a patch of wet road. His heart lurched as he tried to steady the wheel, but it was too late. The car spun, a flash of panic shooting through him as he lost control, his mind racing to make sense of what was happening.

“Fuck — Fuck Come on,” he shouted, desperately trying to regain control. But the car kept sliding, veering and turning. And as the car hurtled forward, time seemed to slow, and he felt a strange, overwhelming calm settle over him. He knew it was too late, and honestly all he could think of was your face, the warmth of your smile, the love you shared. In that moment, everything else faded away, and all he could think of was you.

He wished he could see you one last time, to hold you, to tell you just how much you meant to him. A small, bittersweet smile tugged at his lips, a final act of love as the world around him dissolved. He felt tears well in his eyes and slip down his face as his eyes quickly caught a glimpse of bright headlights heading straight for him.

“I love you,” he whispered, just as everything went dark.

Your POV

You slowly stirred in bed, the gloomy light pouring into your room through the blinds. You were by no means a morning person, and you never have been.

You groaned, turning to stretch your legs and arms as you snuggled deeper into the blankets before opening your eyes. The light wasn’t too harsh, considering it had been raining all night so it didn’t take you long to adjust before you were reaching over to your night stand and grabbing your phone from the charger.

You squinted as you turned your phone on, yes the light from day didn’t bother you — but the phone screen was a whole other story. You looked at the time 11:24am before slowly unlocking it, hoping to see a notification or two from matt in your messages, but to your surprise there wasn’t any. None responding to your texts from last night either — maybe he just got really busy again?

Furrowing your brow, your fingers typed across your keyboard, sending him a quick

Good morning love! Hope you slept well. Text me when you’re up?

Before setting your phone down on the bed beside you. It wasn’t — strange — per say for him to not text you for this long, but you understood that sometimes he just got too busy to check his phone for long periods of time. With a sigh you pulled the covers off of your body, swinging your legs over the side of your bed as you sat up.

You had some things you needed to do today — grocery shopping, dropping some things off by the local animal shelter and a few straggler errands. Your hands rubbed your face, stretching once more before you rose to your feet, pattering your way over to your bathroom to get your things ready for a shower.

You couldn’t help but to think of matt, i mean why hadn’t he texted? or why hadn’t his brother said anything to you in place of matt texting? You shook your head, looking into the mirror briefly. ‘I’m sure i’ll hear from him at some point’

You turned away, reaching the shower as you turned the knob to hot, closing the curtains as steam filled the room. You discarded your clothes, stepping into the hot water — your muscles relaxing slightly as the water cascaded down your body. It both woke you up, but it tempted you to fall back asleep — though you couldn’t and continued on to wash your hair.

Once your shower was done, it was around 12:30pm and you rushed to get dressed. Grabbing a plain white shirt and some black sweat pants, slipping on matt’s red zip up jacket. You grabbed a pair of socks, sitting on the edge of your bed as you slipped them on along with your shoes — quickly getting up and grabbing your phone from the bed.

You checked your notification board, but there still wasn’t anything from matt. You felt a pang in your chest, but pushed it aside, sending one more text before you were out your bedroom door — making your way into the living room.

I hope you’re doing okay baby! I have to run some errands so i may not text much. Love you bunches! ❤️

Your steps were small, striding toward the front door as you grabbed your bag and the keys to your car. You paused for a moment, feeling like you were forgetting something — but after trying to wrack your brain, you came up empty handed. So, you walked out your front door, closing it and locking it behind you before making your way to your car.

Slipping into the drivers seat, you started the engine, your eyes catching a glimpse of something in your passenger seat. You stared at it curiously before picking it up — it was one of matt’s rings, wedged into the seat. You held it up, smiling to yourself at matt’s forgetfulness in leaving things laying around. ‘I’ll just have to give this back to him later’

You thought for a minute of what to do with his ring before deciding to put it on your finger. After situating it, you put the car in reverse, making sure to look behind you as you pulled out of your driveway. You had a pretty packed day ahead, but all you could think about was hopefully seeing matt at the end of the day.

4:45pm

You were utterly exhausted, pulling your car back into your driveway you had left hours ago. It felt as if the day had dragged on, still no messages from matt which was starting to worry you. You had even sent chris and nick both messages asking if they knew where he was or if they were busy — but they hadn’t responded either.

You parked your car, turning the engine off as you stepped out of the drivers side door. Quickly, you popped the trunk, wanting to grab all the groceries and take them inside in one go. Which was … pretty successful, you had a few items slip, but got them inside without much of a fuss.

You grunted as you carried the groceries inside, closing the front door with your foot before making your way over to the kitchen. Setting down the bags, you started to unload them, making sure to set aside the items you were using to cook dinner.

7:15pm

It had been all day — all day and matt still hadn’t texted you back. You started to grow worried, he had never gone with long without texting you — and neither did his brothers. This pit formed in your stomach, the feeling making you feel absolutely sick to your stomach.

Suddenly, you heard a knock on your door — the sound snapping you from your thoughts. Your body moved from the couch, rushing to open it, hoping to see Matt standing there, laughing at how worried you’d been. But when you swung the door open, you found Nick and Chris standing there, their faces pale, eyes rimmed red. The air around them felt heavy, as if carrying an invisible weight that fell on you the moment you looked into their eyes.

“Hey,” Nick started, his voice thick, barely holding back the tremor. Chris had his hands shoved deep into his pockets, his head down as though he couldn’t bring himself to look at you.

Your heart began to race. “What’s going on?” you asked, your voice barely above a whisper. “Where’s Matt? I’ve been trying to reach him — and you guys all day! but none of you have been answering me.”

Chris looked away, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment before Nick stepped forward. “Can we come in?” Nick’s voice was strained, like each word physically hurt him. The pit in your stomach felt almost too much right now, filling every corner of your mind.

You stepped aside, and they entered quietly. As you sat down on the couch, Nick and Chris took seats across from you. For a moment, there was only silence. The two of them shared a look, and you could see that neither of them wanted to say what they’d come here to tell you.

Chris was the first to speak. “Last night, Matt… he… he was driving,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “He… there was an accident.”

You stared at them, every word hitting you like a punch to the gut. “Is he okay?” you asked, your voice a desperate whisper, searching their faces for any sign of hope. You wanted to hear that he was in the hospital, that he’d be okay, that they were just here to tell you he’d need time to recover.

Nick swallowed hard, his eyes filling with tears he couldn’t hold back any longer. “He… he didn’t make it.” he choked out, his teeth gritting together.

The room went silent, the words echoing around you, wrapping around your heart and squeezing until you couldn’t breathe. You stared at them, waiting for one of them to take it back, to tell you it was a horrible mistake, a cruel joke. But their broken expressions only confirmed the nightmare that was unfolding before you.

“No,” you murmured, shaking your head, tears blurring your vision. “No, that’s… that’s not possible. He was… he was just here yesterday.”

Chris reached out, placing a gentle hand on yours, his own voice choked with grief. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered, and you could see the pain etched deep into his face. “We came as soon as we could, we didn’t want you to find out any other way.”

You pulled your hand away, curling up on yourself, as though somehow shrinking would lessen the pain ripping through your chest. Every memory of him, every laugh, every touch, every whispered word flooded your mind, filling you with a love so intense it was unbearable.

Nick spoke softly, his voice breaking. “He loved you, you know? So much. He… he never stopped talking about you, how much you meant to him.” His words felt like a double-edged sword, cutting into you and yet comforting you at the same time.

You buried your face in your hands, sobbing as the reality of it all began to sink in. Matt was gone. The person who made you laugh until you couldn’t breathe, who held you close on quiet nights, who loved you more than anyone ever had… he was gone.

Chris wrapped his arm around you, holding you as you broke down, his own tears streaming down his face. Nick sat beside you, reaching over to place a reassuring hand on your shoulder, though his own strength was failing. The three of you sat there, bound together by your shared grief, the silence heavy with the weight of all the things left unsaid, all the future moments that would never come.

You shook as the sobs continued to wrack through your body, sniffling, you wiped your nose — desperate to try and find the right words. “Y-you — why…why didn’t y-you guys tell m-me sooner?” you gritted out, the tightness in your chest making it hard to speak. Nick and chris shook their heads, not being able to give a proper answer.

You knew they were feeling it too — he was their brothers. Your head rose out of your hands, tears streaking your face as you looked at them. Your arms coming up to wrap around them and hold them close to you. You all cried together — and as you looked over to chris, you noticed matt’s ring on your finger, and that made you break.

12:54am

Later that night, you found yourself scrolling through old messages, rereading his words, listening to his voice notes, clinging to every last piece of him you had left. His laugh, his voice, the way he always said “goodnight” and “I love you”—they all felt so close, yet impossibly distant.

You couldn’t help the tears that left your eyes every time you skimmed over the words — or listened to the recordings. Every time felt like a stab to your heart, like it was being chipped away at more and more. Your best friend was gone — the love of your life…your soulmate…and you would never see him again.

When you finally put your phone down — the tears hadn’t dried. Your head rested against your pillow as you wore matt’s hoodie, hugging a stuffed animal that he got you close to your chest — your fingers fiddling with the ring on your finger. Every time you thought of him, a new wave of tears fell down your face.

You didn’t get much sleep that night — or in the week that led up to his funeral.

One Week Later

The day of the funeral arrived much sooner than you were prepared for, though, in truth, you didn’t think any amount of time could have readied you. The past few days had passed in a fog, each moment blending into the next, leaving you feeling numb and disconnected from reality. It was as if a part of you had been ripped away, leaving a hollow space where Matt had once been. Now, you were about to say goodbye for the last time, and every step felt heavier than the last.

You stared at yourself in the mirror — the black dress you wore clung to your skin, and you desperately wanted to get out of it. But you couldn’t…not now at least. You hadn’t felt well enough to drive, so instead you had nick and chris send an uber — because you didn’t trust yourself.

The sky was overcast as you made your way to the cemetery, a dull gray that matched the ache inside you. There were people gathered around, friends and family, familiar faces etched with grief. As you approached, you saw Nick and Chris standing together, their faces pale and somber, each of them carrying their own unbearable weight. They looked up as you joined them, offering you small, broken smiles that only deepened the sorrow in your heart.

“Hey,” Nick said softly, pulling you into a gentle hug. You clung to him, feeling the grief between you, a shared wound that neither of you could heal.

Chris joined, wrapping his arms around the both of you, and for a moment, you allowed yourself to lean into their strength. “He loved you so much,” Chris whispered, his voice cracking. “He’d want you to remember that.”

You nodded, unable to speak, afraid that if you opened your mouth, you’d break down entirely. Instead, you stayed close to them, feeling a strange comfort in their presence as you all prepared to say goodbye to someone you loved deeply.

The ceremony began shortly after, the words of the officiant filled the air, and you found yourself drifting back to memories of Matt. You remembered his laugh, the warmth of his embrace, the way he’d look at you like you were his whole world. Every shared moment played through your mind, each memory a bittersweet reminder of all you’d lost.

When it was time for people to come up and say a few words, you felt a lump form in your throat as Nick and Chris took turns sharing stories about Matt. They spoke of his kindness, his humor, his fierce loyalty, and the way he could make anyone feel like they mattered. Their words brought laughter through the tears, but it was the kind of laughter that hurt, a reminder of what could never be again.

And then, it was your turn. You hadn’t planned to speak, afraid that the words would betray you, that you’d fall apart in front of everyone. But as you looked at the faces of those who loved Matt, you realized that he’d want you to speak, to let the world know what he’d meant to you.

So With shaky steps, you walked to the front, your eyes falling on the casket. The reality of it hit you all over again, the finality of it, and you took a deep, unsteady breath before you began.

“I don’t think any of us are really ready to say goodbye,” you started, your voice thick with emotion. “Matt… he wasn’t just someone I loved. He was my best friend, my partner, my everything. He made me feel like I was the most important person in the world. And now, I’m… I’m not sure how to move forward without him.”

You paused, tears blurring your vision, but you forced yourself to continue. “I’ll never forget the way he made me laugh or the way he’d stay up late just to talk, even if he had a million other things to do. He cared so deeply, for everyone in his life, and I feel so grateful to have been loved by him.”

A small, sad smile tugged at your lips. “Matt was… he was the best part of my life. And even though he’s gone, I know he’ll always be with me, in the memories we shared, in the love he left behind. I’ll carry him with me for the rest of my life.” the last lines felt heavy on your tongue, almost inaudible as you cried.

You couldn’t look at anyone as you returned to your seat, feeling drained, the weight of your words settling over you. Nick and Chris reached out, each of them gripping your hand as the ceremony came to an end. As people began to disperse, you stayed behind, wanting one final moment alone with him.

“You coming?” Chris asked as he stood up, nick looking at you as well. You sat there, shaking your head as you looked up. Your eyes were sore and red — they were raw from all the times you’ve cried within the last week. “m’gonna stay here for a few moments.” you whispered, and they both gave you an understanding look before they headed inside the building to talking with the other people.

The grave site grew quiet — everyone else having retreated, leaving you with only the gentle whisper of the wind. You rose from your seat, walking over and kneeling down, placing a hand on the cool surface of the casket, the final barrier between you and Matt. The tears welled and flowed freely now, unchecked, as you whispered all the things you wished you’d had the chance to say.

Taking a deep breath — you choked on a sob, leaning forward to press your forehead to the casket, feeling the coldness of it seep into your skin. “I love you, Matt. I always will. Thank you for loving me, for giving me so many beautiful memories. I’ll keep you in my heart, forever.”

The clouds above began to drizzle, and you allowed the rain drops to fall over your skin. Sitting there on the ground, your knees digging into the dirt — you cried, whispering over and over again hoping matt would hear you.

“I-I’ll be with you one day, my love.” was the last thing you choked out before pressing a kiss to the top of his casket — rising to your feet and turning away.

4 years later

Today you were going to visit matt’s grave — something you have been doing for the last four years ever since he passed. It still wasn’t easy — and you don’t think it ever really is going to be.

But, you learned to become strong, not just for yourself — but for your daughter too.

A few weeks after matt’s funeral had happened, you had noticed your period was late and you hadn’t been feeling the best. And even though the thought of possibly being pregnant filled you with dread — it also made you feel happy.

So when those two pink lines had shown on the test — you were overly overwhelmed. You were carrying matt’s child — a piece of him that you would keep close to yourself forever. You couldn’t stop the tears from flowing that day, calling chris and nick to tell them — they were with you every step of the way.

You were currently getting your daughter buckled into her car seat, making sure she was safe and secure before you even thought about driving anywhere. Once you were sure she was strapped in safely, you closed the car door — climbing into the front and setting off to the graveyard.

“Mommy, where are we going?” your daughter asked, always so curious to know where you were going to take her. You smiled, looking into the mirror before training your eyes back in the road.

“We’re going to go see daddy, honey.” you said, putting the turning signal on to turn into the driveway of the graveyard. Your daughter let out a sound, turning her head to look out the window. You felt a pang in your heart, you always did whenever you visited matt — but this time, you were bringing your daughter along.

You drove a little more up the road, pulling over to the shoulder as you killed the engine. Stepping out, you came around to open the back door — unbuckling your daughter and carrying her out on your hip. Slowly, you walked over to where matt’s grave was, sitting down softly in the grass as you sat your daughter on your lap.

Her curious blue eyes looked at the headstone — reaching her little hand out to trace the words that were engraved into it. “Mommy…why is daddy’s name written on here?” she asked — her little head turning up to look at you.

You laughed sadly, feeling the tears well in your eyes. “This is…this is where daddy is resting baby-“ you say, patting the ground where he was buried years ago. “-i’m sorry you never got to meet him baby.” you whispered, sniffling softly as your hand came up to wipe your tears away.

Of course you’ve told your daughter about matt — about her dad. She didn’t fully understand it yet, but you hoped she would as she grows older. She deserved to know how wonderful her daddy was — and even though she’s got two amazing uncles to show her that, you wanted to show her in your own way too.

“Let’s…let’s put the flowers down that we brought for daddy, okay baby?” you said, handing her the little flowers you brought for matt. She smiled brightly, her little hand taking them from you and placing them on the ground in front of your bodies.

You sat there for a little while, talking to matt and telling him about everything that has been going on. Even introducing him to his daughter for the first time — the words getting caught in your throat as you did. Of course you told matt about her on other visits, he was the first person you told when you found out you were pregnant before nick and chris.

But, after a while when the grey clouds started to roll in — you decided it was time to go for the day. So you carefully stood up, placing your daughter on your hip as you reached a hand forward to matt’s headstone, whispering a goodbye as you began to walk away.

“Bye bye daddy!” your daughter called back — and your chest tightened.

You never were good at goodbyes, were you?

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