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thestingerblog · 1 year ago

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The Fast, The Furious, and The Crazy

by Aero S.

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It’s not radical to say that the Fast and Furious lore has gotten a little convoluted throughout their 11 films, and no one notices this more than me, someone who has only seen the very first and the latest Fast and Furious movies. In the wake of Fast X’s release, I decided to not only watch it in the theater but also watch the first Fast and the Furious, so I could get a little more context as to who Dominic Toretto and his harpoon-wielding, car-driving, ass-kicking family really are.

The tenth installment of the franchise was crazy in its scale and stakes, but the first movie built an entire universe at a breakneck speed, and I feel the need to share with you how the first film plays out. Whether you’ve been watching the films since they came out or are just watching them for the first time like I am, this will serve as a good recap for the first movie (though it’s mostly just an opportunity for me to express my bewilderment).

The first movie shows the franchise’s – and the entire gang’s – humble beginnings. The Fast and the Furious opens with a car chase between a truck transporting Panasonic DVD players and a handful of souped-up sedans. These sedans, containing faceless individuals armed with harpoons, take over the truck. We are then introduced to the movie's main gang, all of whom are very superficial in characteristics. “The Family” are introduced as they beat up Brian, the undercover cop, before Dominic – or as those close to him call him, Dom – stops the kerfuffle and sends Brian away with a warning never to return to his establishment. There’s Vince, Dom’s childhood friend and Brian’s #1 hater; Letty, Dom’s girlfriend; and Jesse, the gang’s resident tech whiz who apparently cannot attend college because he has ADHD.

The rest of the film plays out like a police thriller with drag racing montages cut in between. Instead of heeding Dom’s advice after the fight in the deli, Brian shows up at a late-night drag racing event with his own car and a bet Dom can’t refuse: if Brian loses, Dom gets his car, but if he wins, he gets the gang’s respect, which is a big deal as Dom and Co. are treated like The Beatles of racing when they arrive to the venue. Brian loses but gains Dominic’s respect anyway after he saves him from getting arrested and sticking with him as they get ambushed by the movie’s Asian Gang (we’ll get to the gangs later). As a gesture of appreciation, Dom invites Brian to the drag race afterparty at his house, and a friendship is struck between them.

Brian, who is supposed to investigate the series of truck hijackings happening around LA, uses his newly procured inside knowledge of the racing scene to sneak into the different gangs’ workshops – the first suspect Brian comes across is what I call the Latino gang (the drag racing scene is racially segregated in the F&F universe), who drive Honda Civics – the same cars used in the hijackings. From the very beginning, Vince, Brian’s #1 hater, catches Brian red-handed, and he and Dom hold him at gunpoint to ask if he’s a cop. After lying and saying no, Vince and Dom go with Brian to the Asian gang’s shop because they use the same tires as the hijackers. There, they find a bunch of DVD players pushed to the corner of the shop and a mechanic being tortured by Johnny Tran, the leader of the Asian gang. The police raid and arrest the Asian gang as a result, but everyone is let go when there’s not enough evidence to charge them with anything, just like Brian warned them. At this point, Brian secretly knows it’s Dom doing the hijackings, and his cop colleagues know it too, but he’s too afraid to admit it to himself because, frankly, he’s grown attached to Dom and his family of racers.

The big event of the Fast and Furious universe is called the Race Wars, which is absolutely hilarious when you remember that the race of their members distinguishes the gangs in this movie. Among the many races in the event, the one between Johnny Tran and Jesse is the most important, as it results in Jesse losing and having to drive away without so much as a goodbye to The Family. The Race Wars also sets up the movie's climax, as Dom and the rest suspiciously leave in the middle of the night. Brian suspects they’re going to hijack another truck, and by this point, truckers along the West Coast have started to arm themselves in case they get ambushed by car ninjas, so he tails Dom’s convoy to save them. The film ends not after this car chase but another one between the Asian gang and Brian after Johnny shoots Jesse in a drive-by.

If this seems convoluted already, keep in mind that everything that has just been described happens in the first of a ten-movie franchise, excluding spinoffs. Even though the amount of information they managed to cram into one movie is admittedly impressive, I was still left with one crucial question: why don’t the police arrest Dominic and his gang during any circumstance other than post-drag race? The film establishes that Dominic’s family runs a deli named Toretto’s, which Dom and the rest of his gang frequent. It also establishes that the police are so familiar with Dom’s face that they could point him out in the middle of a dark street. If they’re so eager to arrest him, they could have simply arrested him when he isn’t in or about to be in a supercar. Whatever the answers to these questions may be, I think most people are grateful not to have them – otherwise, none of the other films would have existed, and action films may not have technologically advanced at the pace they did due in part to this franchise.

#fast and furious #movies #fast x #fast x movie #action movies #movie review

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uhlatcha · 8 months ago

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ROCK WITH U - SEVENTEEN 70s AU - CHAPTER TWO: BAD LIAR

WATTPAD | AO3 | PLAYLIST | ROCK WITH YOU MASTERLIST

FANDOMS: SEVENTEEN

PAIRING: KMG X OC | CSC X OC | JWW X OC

WORDS:4448

GENRE: FANFIC, ROMCOM, DRAMA, 70s AU, ROCK BAND AU

NOTES: SOOOOO... I am really stupid and just realised I posted chapter three before I posted this one???? So, if you felt that a lot of information seemed off about the last chapter, that's why. In my defense: I am overworking lately, so... my bad. Also... I HAVE ADHD. So let's pretend I am not dumb and move on.

ENGLISH IS NOT MY FIRST LANGUAGE, ANY FEEDBACKS ARE WELCOME.

TAGLIST: @gaslysainz

CHAPTER TWO- BAD LIAR

Spring Of 1979 - A Few Weeks Before The Lucky Ones Tour.

"So, the contract it's not for the whole tour?" Seungcheol asked. He was sitting across from his friend in the apartment living room. Jeonghan was sitting on the floor, Hoshi and Seungkwan were right beside him, while Cheol, Vernon and Wonwoo were on the couch, Mingyu was leaning by the sinking in the kitchen, listening from a far while he did the last night dishes, since someone had to do it and the others didn't look very fond of it.

Jeonghan nodded, sighing in disappointment.

"The contract only covers the US part of the tour." He explained "Woozi said we can renew the contract if the audience likes us," he added.

"That's easy, everyone will love us." Hoshi said confidently.

"I usually hate to agree with Hoshi, but this time I have to." Seungkwan commented, receiving an ugly stare from the blonde one.

"Don't be so confident, there's more." Jeonghan said, catching the contract from Cheol's hands. He found the clause he was looking for and read it out loud.

"What does it mean?" Hoshi asked.

"This means they can kick us out whenever they want If we don't behave." Wonwoo explained.

"Can they, do it?" Hoshi asked.

"Yes, they can, dumb ass. That's what this document is for." Jeonghan said, annoyed. "So unfortunately, if you want to go on a world tour, and sign with the label, you will have to behave during the US tour."

Seungkwan sighed.

"We are fucked." he murmured.

"C'mon, we can do it." Vernon said. "I mean... It's just a few months so we can have the life of our dreams."

"Vernon is right, it's a small effort in comparison to what we will gain." Cheol agreed. "But is an effort that all of us had to compromise to do."

"I'm in." Wonwoo said, putting his hand on the center of the table, with an encouraging smile.

Vernon smiled, then put his hand I've Wonwoo's. Cheol and Jeonghan did the same, then Seungkwan. Hoshi took a deep breath but did the same.

"Hey wait for me!" Mingyu who was finishing the dishes protested "You all can't have a moment like this without including me" he said, sulking while running to the living room.

His hands were still wet when he put them over Hoshi's hand.

"1,2,3 say the name" Cheol said.

"SEVENTEEN." They all screamed, raising their hands together.

"Okay then." Jeonghan said, getting serious very suddenly "Let's sign the deal."

******

"You spend too much time around here." Tea said, opening the studio door to found Joshua with his guitar working in something new. Even though they had just dropped a successful album and going on a tour to perform it, Joshua was already working in new songs. And Tea couldn't fight with him about it, since she was doing the exact same thing, but different from him, she preferred to work from home.

"Please, I know you are a workaholic too, you are just better at hiding it." He spoke. "I bet you already have a full album ready for the next comeback."

She didn't deny. Just came closer to him to analyze what was he working on.

"Well, that looks really good, but you know what else looks good?" She asked him.

"I don't know, what?" He retorted.

"Lunch with a cute girl." She said, with a big smile.

"And who's that girl?" he teased her.

"C'mon, Shua." She said, pouting.

"I just ate, darling." He said, "You are a little too late, Woozi got me first."

"Dammit." She cursed. "I hate to eat alone."

"Some of the Seventeen boys are here working on their album, why don't you invite them for dinner, miss congeniality?"

"Which members are here?" She asked, curious.

"The red haired and the weird one." Shua explained.

"They are all weird." She pointed out "Be more specific."

"The quite weird one." He explained, and she automatically thought about Wonwoo. Even though he wasn't by far the weirdest of them all, but the quietest. "The one with the New York accent." Shua added, making her change her mind.

"Oh, they are the ones who look the nicest, I'll go after them but are you sure you don't want to come? Have some french toast...?"

"French toast for lunch? I would love that, can you bring me some when you come back?" Shua asked.

"Who said I'm coming back?" She teased him.

"Me. You're coming back to bring me french toast, and because I'll give you a ride home, because you have no driver's license."

"Fair." She said, rolling her eyes "See you later, babe."

She blew him a kiss and left, going down the highways to the hall, to ask Suzie, the receptionist, where the Seventeen boys were. But she didn't have too, because she bumped into Wonwoo while he came out of one on the rooms.

"Sorry." He said, holding her by the shoulders so she wouldn't lose her balance. "Are you okay?"

"It's okay." She said smiling. " I'm okay. It was good to bump in you, I was looking for your friends."

"Mingyu is not here." He spoke.

She raised an eyebrow, intrigued. Why would he think she was looking for Mingyu?

"I was actually looking for the red haired one, and the other guitarist." She explained.

"Seungkwan and Vernon?" He asked.

"Sorry, I'm not good with names. Will take me some time to remember everyone's names."

"Mine is Wonwoo, by the way." He commented, putting his hand on his pockets.

"I know." She said "I remember your name. It's a very simple, and cute name."

"Not as cute as yours." He said, very confidently, then blushed when she looked at him, surprised with the comment. "I guess. Hum... I must go now, Seungkwan and Vernon are in the room I just left."

"I was going to invite then to lunch, do you want to join?" She asked him.

"I have something scheduled now, Myabe next time." He said, apologizing.

"Ah, okay then." She said, "See you."

Wonwoo just smiled politely and left. Tea was really surprised at him being so flirty, she didn't expect it from him. But she just ignored the fact and knocked on the door before entering.

The redhead boy was sitting by the mixing table, beside one of the new sound engineers who smiled very nightly to her. Everyone in the company were very polite and gentle with her and Mya, which was great, since a lot of people who worked in the music industry seemed to despise women,

"Oh hi!" The redheaded boy said, getting up to greet her, surprised by seeing her. Vernon who was in both, waved to her.

"Hey what are you mates working on?" Tea asked, with a curious smile. Myabe lunch could stay for later, be nosy on the new guys work would be a lot funnier.

******

"This is a new model; the sound system is perfect." The seller at the photography store explained to Mya, showing her a camera.

God, she would kill Joshua. She was at the photography store looking for Tea's present. She and Joshua had agreed to buy the girl a new camera, an upgrade to her photography addiction. Tea got easily bored on tour, and when she got bored, bad things tended to happen when she had nothing to do. So they had to keep her busy.

And that was how the photography thing started, with a Polaroid camera they gifted her in the first tour, and ever since Tea had been talking about cameras all the time, so Joshua suggested was to buy her a new one, Mya agreed, but she didn't know much about cameras, so she didn't know what to buy, and was afraid to totally thrust in the sales man.

So, there she was, alone in the store, in front of the counter staring to a bunch of cameras trying to decide which to buy.

"Excuse me, do you have any 35mm colorful film? I couldn't find any on the shelves." A familiar voice asked the vendor, and made Mya turn around.

"I think I still have some in stock, I will check it out, just give me a second."

"Thank you." Mingyu said, smiling to the seller.

Mya saw the boy just a few times, but she had to admit he was gorgeous. Tan, talk and handsome, Kim Mingyu could have the world in his hand just by smiling at the right person. And that was something he was always doing. She didn't remember not swing him smiling.

"You seem to know what you are doing here." Mya said.

"Hey, what a nice surprise to see you here!" He said,smiling more when he noticed her.

"So..." She started "Are you into photography?"

"You can say that." He shrugged " I'm restocking my 35mm supply for the tour. What about you?"

"I don't know much about all this shit." She explained "I'm here to buy Tea a gift, she is the one who enjoys these things. Shua was supposed to be here and help me, but he didn't show up, so I'm kind of lost here."

"What is her experience level with cameras?" Mingyu asked, getting closer to look at the models Mya was staring at blankly. "Is she familiar with photography or is a new thing?"

"She's manly into Polaroids." Mya explained.

"Domestic cameras then..." He said thoughtfully. "She's more of the click and shoot. You should take her an automatic 35mm. I would recommend this one." He handed her one of the smallest cameras on the counter. "It's not heavy, and is simple to use, very intuitive, and has good quality. I have one of these, it takes very good pictures."

He really looked like he knew what he was talking about, so Mya decided to thrust him.

"This one will be." She announced. Mingyu smiled then the seller was back the next moment with a box that should have Mingyu's order.

"Here are the films." He spoke.

"Good, thank you! I'll take five of these." Mingyu said. "One more thing... Do you happen to have the Olympus Trip in other colors?" He asked, taking the camera from Mya's hands.

"Besides the black we have in orange and yellow." The seller announced.

"I think she would like a more colorful thing." Mingyu suggested "Yellow?"

"Orange is more of her thing." Mya commented.

"Can you please pack an orange Olympus Trip 35 to my friend here?" Mingyu asked the vendor.

"It's a gift." Mya said "So please, wrap it in a gift paper."

The seller nodded and went to the back room to take the camera.

"Do you also happen to know something about video cameras? The seller told me about this one, but I'm not sure about buying it " Mya commented with him.

"I heard some good things about this one, but I don't owe a video camera with sound system, so I can't say much about it."

"Fuck, what is taking you so long? Are you doing this on purpose?" Seungcheol who just arrived by Mingyu's side asked, looking very annoyed.

His posture changed immediately when he saw Mya.

"Oh hi." He said, trying to be polite.

"Sorry for taking so long, I was helping our friend here." Mingyu said.

"It's okay, I didn't know you had company." Cheol said. "Are you stocking for the tour too?"

"Kinda." She said with a yellow smile.

The vendor came back with her package.

"I am also taking the video camera you showed me earlier " she informed the sells man, who started packing the other camera the film for both. When he finished, Mya handed him a check.

"Thank you for the help, Mingyu." Mya said "I owe you a favor."

"Tell Tea I helped, and we are good " he said, winking at her.

Mya raised an eyebrow, looking at him with suspicion.

"Okay then... See you around." She didn't look at Seungcheol while leaving the store, but it didn't take him longer to catch her outside.

"Hey, do you have plans right now?" He asked.

"I sure have, murder plans. I'm going back to the studio to kill Joshua Hong." She explained with a very serious expression.

"Would you mind postponing his death and join me for lunch?" Cheol suggested. "I still didn't get the chance to apologize properly after our first meeting."

Mya stop to think for a second. She was hungry but didn't want to have lunch with him. She had already decided she didn't like him at all. So why give him one more chance when she could feel he was just trying to be a flatterer.

"I'll pay." He said, like that was her worries. She laughed.

"The can I chose the place?" She said with sarcasm.

"Sure." He spoke. " But can I ask if you are driving? I'm with the band van, but I would have to take Mingyu home first, or having him joining us."

"I can drive us." She spoke.

"Good." He said "Give me just a second, I will land him my keys. I'll be back in a second.

She didn't intend to go out with Scoups for lunch, but he didn't seem to catch the irony in her words, so she thought it would be fun to torture him a bit, so she went to take her car in the parking lot of the commercial center, stopping by the entrance of the photography store.

Scoups jaw dropped when he came back to the front of the store and saw the Red Cadillac Eldorado parked in front of it, and Mya retouching her lipstick, that was as red as the car, in the rear-view mirror.

"Are you read?" She asked, turning to him with a smirk, putting in her sunglasses.

Scoups nodded, still shocked by her car. He didn't expect her to have such an expensive and beautiful car. Most women normally drove more discreet cars, but Mya really didn't look a discreet person. He entered the vehicle still a bit shake.

"You are not from California, right? Have you eaten at the Chateau Marmont?" She asked, starting the car.

"No, not really." He admitted. He heard of the place, obviously. But he didn't have enough money or fame to go to a place like that.

"Well... then today is your lucky day." She said, with a mischievous smile.

******

"Actually, I'm in charge of the sad songs." Tea explained.

It had been a while since she started talking to Seungkwan and Vernon. They showed her what they were working on, she gave them some help and advice to make the track better, and now they were talking about the dynamics of both groups.

"Really, you?" Boo was shocked. "I would never imagine; you are always so bright and cheerful. I thought you were the queen of love songs."

"I'm really good with sad and melancholic songs, with a darker vibe." She spoke. "Joshua is the romantic, most of our love songs are his."

"What about Mya?" Vernon asked.

"She writes the most rebellious songs, the party anthems, and the hook up songs." She laughed explaining it.

Vernon's eyes sparkled while he heard Tea talking about Mya. He was looking forward to really talk to her, he wanted to ask her so many things. He really was a fan of her technic and her stage presence. Besides, he thought she was beautiful.

"Are you working on something lately?" Seungkwan asked. "We didn't have the chance to see you performing live yet, would you mind playing something for us?"

The boys had been so nice to her, and Seungkwan eyes were sparkling while he asked her to paly something, he really looked like a fan, so she agreed.

"I can't spoil new things I'm working on, but you can choose one of the old songs."

"Can you sing Falling?" Seungkwan asked. "I really love this song."

"Yeah, sure." She said, getting up. "Do you mind if I wear your keyboard?" She asked pointing to the instrument inside of the record cabinet.

"Go ahead! It will be an honor." He said, cheerfully.

Tea entered the cabin and started playing the song. The chords were very remarkable, and her voice had a low register in that song.

"I've fallen out of favor and I've fallen from grace

Fallen out of trees and I've fallen on my face

Fallen out of taxis, out of windows too

Fell in your opinion when I fell in love with you"

Seungkwan looked really amazed by her voice and the song and Vernon was paying close attention to the lyrics. Tea on her turn was enjoying playing for them.

She was sthe first chorus and was in the bridge of the song when Mingyu entered the room.

"I dance with myself, I drunk myself down

Found people to love, left people to drown"

He looked surprised to see her there, mainly to see her singing to his friends. His eyes were sparkling as he watched her. He looked so boyish with that smile. She sang, looking at Mingyu, smiling at him.

"If there was nowhere to land I wouldn't be scared at all"

She let the song died.

"And so, it goes." She sang, getting up.

Seungkwan and Vernon started applauding he, and she blushed when Mingyu joined them. She bowed, thanking while coming out of the cabin.

"Wow, that was... memorable." Mingyu said."

"God, when did you arrived?!" Seungkwan complained, startled by his friend presence.

"In enough time to see the show." He explained. He was looking at Tea with gleam eyes and a cheesy smile.

Her deep voice was even better live, with just the piano, it sounded sexy. Her accent was also cute and charming.

"You really are amazing." Seungkwan said.

"Thank you." She said, blushing a little, then she looked ate her watch. "God, look at the time. I didn't eat year."

"I brought food, you can eat with us." Mingyu offered, he was holding a paper bag.

"Mm... thank you." She said, politely. "But I promised Joshua some strawberry cake, he's probably thinking I forgot about him, and he is my ride home so... I better go."

She was already heading to the door.

"Today was really nice." Vernon said. "I hope we can spend more time together soon."

"Of course." She spoke. "We'll have a lot of time for it on tour."

"I'm looking forward to it." Mingyu said.

Tea just smiled shyly and left, saying goodbye to the boys.

When she left, Seungkwan hit Mingyu's arm.

"Stop fucking flirting with her! You made her uncomfortable."

"I did nothing, I just complimented her. I wasn't flirting." Mingyu said, sulking and holding his arm.

"She was super fine until you arrived." Seungkwan scolded him. "You entered the room and she fled. We were having fun here!"

"Well, why can you guys be the only one having fun?! I want to have fun with her too."

"Yeah, but not like us." Seungkwan said, angry. "Don't fuck things flirting with her, it can ruin our deal with the label! Remember what Cheol said!"

"Believe me." Mingyu said. "What Cheol said it's really clear in my mind."

******

Mya could tell Seungcheol was nervous.

He stayed silent the whole way to The Marmont. She was enjoying his silence.

He always looked so full of himself, and for the first time, she seemed to know he wasn't in his field.

She parked the car and headed to the hotel.

"Good afternoon, Miss Lee" that receptionist greeted her.

"Good afternoon, Maria. Can you send this to my room, while I have lunch with my guest, please?" She asked, with a polite smile, handing the girl the package she was holding.

"Sure, Miss. Do you need anything else?" The woman asked.

Seungcheol was impressed. Only the entrance was already so different from all the places he had been since he arrived at Los Angeles. Everything looked so expensive and so clean. The place was beautiful.

"No, that's everything, thank you."

"Have a good meal, miss." The woman said and Mya started to head to the restaurant.

"Seems like you are a faithful client." Seungcheol commented, while Mya guided him to the courtyard, greeting all the employees in the way.

"You can say that." She said, shrugging.

The courtyard was even beauties that the hall. All the plants and expensive furniture, even the way the sun was shining looked prettier in that place.

She led him to a part of the restaurant that was a lot emptier. Soon as they sat, a waiter came to take their order, Seungcheol didn't even had the time to look at the menu.

"Good afternoon, Miss Lee." The waiter said with a smile.

"Good afternoon, Julio. How is your wife? Recovering well from the surgery?"

"She's having trouble accepting she need to rest, but she doesn't have much choice." The man had a soft smile on his lips while talking to the girl.

"Ah she will recover soon and go back to work; tell her I said hello."

"I will, madam." The man said. "Do you want your usual order?"

"Mm... No, not today." She said, thoughtfully. "This is my new friend" she said the word with a frown. The man looked curiously to Seungcheol for the first time. "It's his first time at The Marmont, I think we need something special; don't you think?"

"Yes, madam." He spoke.

"Bring us the most expensive thing of the menu, please. And you best wine." She said, making Seungcheol nervous.

"Or do you prefer a stronger drink?" She asked, beating her eyes to him, innocently.

"I definitely will need a stronger drink." He said, coughing.

"Your strongest drink so." Mya said, looking at the waiter.

"Yes, Madam." The man said. I'll be back in a few minutes, with your entries."

"Thank you, Julio." She said smiling.

When the waiter left, she finally looked at Seungcheol. stop smiling.

"So, how do you intend to apologize for your bandmates behavior? Besides paying the bill, obviously."

She looked annoyed, what annoyed Seungcheol. She was being so polite and gentry to everyone, why was she being aggressive towards him?

"I actually don't think I have to apologize for anything, I don't believe my band mates did something so wrong." He said, crossing his arms, leaning against the chair.

Mya laughed.

"Good to know you think being late and being rude is normal. Now I know what to expect from you guys on tour."

"I guess I don't have to try hard to impress you since you already decided to hate us." Seungcheol pointed. He had told his movers to behave, but that doesn't mean he was going to lower his head to anyone who tried to look down on then. Even if this person was the big star of the company.

"I don't hate you guys." Mya said "But I also don't have many reasons to like you either."

"And it's not my job to give you one." He said leaning in her direction with s sheepish smile.

Goddess, she wanted to punch him in the face. Not everyone could go this far on taking her peace, but ChoiSeungcheol was definitely a pro at it.

"Look, me Tea and the boys worked really hard to get where we are, I'm not letting a bunch of douches ruining our hard work."

"And I'm not letting a brat get in the way of my dreams, so you better choose your battles." Seungcheol said.

The waiter was back at the table, and he wasn't alone, there were other waiters helping him to bring the food.

Mai was staring at Seungcheol the whole time, if looks could kill, he would already be dead. She didn't say a word until the waiters had left. Seungcheol didn't touch the food, it was smelling good, but he didn't want her to win.

She couldn't believe he called her a brat.

"Aren't you going to eat?" She asked, crossing her legs and arms. "You should enjoy your free meal, since I'm paying."

"I thought I would be the one paying." He spoke.

"C'mon, you don't have money to pay this, you just signed the contract. This is the most expensive entries and main plate. At The Chateau." She said, like it was obvious. "Besides, you will need money for a taxi. And since I live here, Julio probably already charged it on my monthly account. So, enjoy your meal."

Seungcheol wasn't happy about that, but he agreed.

"I owe you a meal." He spoke. "A really expensive one, I'll pay you it on tour."

She just brushed it off, that really meant nothing to her. The only thing he owed her was an apology, but he wouldn't admit that. So, she would have fun torturing him until he did.

"Did you just said you live here?" He asked, starting to eat.

"Yes." She spoke.

"If you have so much money, why do you live in a hotel?" He asked.

"I like it here, it's good to meet new people, and I don't have to worry with cleaning or cooking."

"You bandmasters also live in a hotel?" He asked, trying to maintain a conversation while eating.

"No." she said, starting her own meal too. "Tea and Shua share a house on the canyons, the house we all used to live together. Chan and Jun share a loft on Santa Monica."

"Chan?" Seungcheol asked, confused.

"Dino, our drummer. Aka my Little brother Lee Chan." She explained.

"Ah." Seungcheol mouthed. "So, you are the only one who lives alone out of then?" He asked.

"Yes." She spoke. "I prefer that way, but I'm always at the canyons to be honest. Can't stay away from my girl. Joshua always leaves her alone, because he is always on the studio. Jihoon totally spoiled him."

She suddenly felt she was talking too much and being too friendly to him, so she stopped.

"What about you bunch of stray kids?"

"We all live together, if that's what you are asking. We don't have much of a choice by now." He explained. "But I think things will get better soon, since now we have a contract."

Mya took a sip from her drink.

"You are lucky, since Jihoon found you a think you are good, he is the best producer to work with."

"I heard of this." Seungcheol said.

"He made a lot for us." She said, kind of contemplating her past.

Seungcheol was watching her close, she didn't look like he bitch he thought she was. She looked cool to be honest, when she was not trying so hard to be mean at him. And he had to admit she was hot, now that he wasn't picking on him or his friends.

He brushed that, thought away. She was a rock in shoe, and that was all.

She finished her food and got up.

"Well, that's it." She spoke. "I am already tired, so I am going back to my room. You can finish your meal, and then ask for a Taxi on the lobby. See you around, ChoiSeungcheol."

She didn't wait for a answers from him, just left like she didn't even care. But she was in fact, just trying to leave before she started liking him too much, because she was already starting to enjoy his company, and that was totally against her plan of not liking him at all.

Seungcheol finished his meal and called for the waiter.

"Can you get me the bill" he asked.

"The bill has already been added to Miss Lee's monthly expenses." The waiter explained.

"Yeah, she told me about this, but we had an agreement that I was going to pay for our meal, so can you please charge me instead of her?"

The waiter nodded and brought him the bill. Seungcheol was really impressed about how expensive it was, but he paid it anyway. He didn't want to owe her anything, he thought it could be a dangerous thing.

#rock with you #seventeen #fanfic #carat #70s au #kpop fanfic #uhlatcha #writing #kpop

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theauditoriumhivemind · 8 months ago

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Sean's Intro Woohoo

Hi we're Sean, I am a subsystem. So I'm a guy who's many people (mostly fictional guys...). I go by it/he pronouns tho tgat kinda shifts and wobbles around how much I like either. But I never feel misgendered with either of them used so no worries!!

we're autistic and have ADHD and it kicks our ass lately soooo... oops i guess

We're also a shapeshifter! Yay!

Some inhuman shapes I take quite frequently include (but are not limited to):

- Tarantula

- humanoid angel

- leopards and panthers

- cyborg/android

- antarctic merfolk

And lycankin! I kinda switch around between the terms lycan and werewolf.

We're prone to delusions, depersonalization, derealization and overall dissociation so my attitude might switch very rapidly. We have ghost/spirit related delusions (being convinced I've been long dead and am just haunting around) Uh idk that one can be a little fucked up.

We ALSO have npd :))))) and might maybe talk about that cause I just think it's kinda cool and swaggy

Some fictional guys that I KNOW I am:

- Shaun Hastings

- Hiccup

- Edward Kenway

- Basil Hallward

- James Moriarty

- Maxwell Roth

- Boromir

- Sherlock Holmes

And many more I don't know of !!

#posted by sean #to be linked

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vaguegrant · 2 years ago

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Real talk: I'm trying to do this myself.

Not the cult thing (well, not yet.) But, you know—I turn 40 this year, the spectre of death is approaching and all that, and I have largely managed to spend those 40 years being a boring cishet WASPy nerd. I manage the tech support team at a software company and produced a podcast about tabletop roleplaying games and progressive Christianity, for fuck's sake! And yeah, over the past couple of months that urge to scream "notice me!" at the universe, to kick over your established life and try to catch up with "how things should have been"—which I previously thought was absolute bullshit made up by selfish boomers—kicked in for real.

But the thing is, I've also been doing a lot of introspection lately to try to get a handle on my ADHD. Keeping a daily diary has been a big part of this process, but not the only one. We also lost a wonderful person and friend far too soon last year. The kids keep growing up. CoVid-19 seems to have triggered celiac disease in me, and I'll have to deal with that for the rest of my life. Everything moves on without your permission, or even your input! All of that means that I've been thinking about this burgeoning midlife crisis, and my priorities, and my legacy, and all that crap. And I think I've pinned that feeling down to, simply, "I want to live and die an interesting person, living and having lived an interesting life."

Turns out that our society tries to sell you solutions to the midlife crisis that don't really provide an answer. It tells you overtly that more expensive things will satisfy you. Covertly, it tells you that you can buy back your youth and (at least for men) the sex you had or wish you had when you were young. But it's all based on competitive and continuous consumption. It is fundamentally lonely.

Instead, I'm trying very hard to simply be interesting. I'm meeting people—joining groups in my community, because I want to know people and I want to be known. I'm learning new skills, for my own sake and for the sake of others. I'm changing up my clothes, growing out my hair, adding fun accessories, and breaking out of the typical corporate/nerd-dad appearance. I'm trying to actively do, not passively be. And holy shit it is working. I've barely started down this path and I'm already having fun, feeling creative, feeling like I'm actually contributing something to the world!

I've still got a really long ways to go. It's fucking hard to break decades of habits, overcome mental hindrances and budget for major life changes (both time and money.) I'm not good at any of this yet. But I'm also not going to stop trying until I'm dead. And if I do pull this off the way I want to, you're all going to be able to come to my rad-ass funeral and swap stories about me until the sun comes up the next morning.

here’s to a better midlife crisis

#midlife crisis #interesting #live a good life #legacies #self reinvention #self improvement #mental health

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synthwave-system · 1 year ago

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A semi long rant about US Healthcare

So... Insurance has been kicking us in the ass lately, and by “us” I mean me and my fellow ND’s and Immune Compromised folk. And now why do I say that?

It’s taken family months to get okayed for procedures bc the Insurance don’t want to okay the procedures without scans and tests that the doctors refuse to do until the needed procedures is done so they know what’s going on with our immune systems.

I literally am at risk of dying because my insurance wont send me my insulin unless I send them a daily report of my blood glucose readings for a month - which sounds invasive but super easy to do right? WRONG! I’m extremely ND, I am diagnosed with things like ADP, DID, Severe Anxiety + PTSD, and Clinical Depression. I am also fairly certain I have ADHD or am Autistic but have not been able to get either a: a therapist and psychiatrist bc of costs and insurance, and b: get an appointment into any kind of clinic that can check me for ADHD and Autism. Now I hear you all thinking; “but your diagnosed already with APD if you had ADHD or Autism wouldnt they have diagnosed you at the same time?” And you’d be right, they should have. I am trans (FtM) and there is a massive problem of older children, especially girls, who are refused to get diagnosed with ADHD and Autism until they are adults (see source here), when I was diagnosed with APD at the ripe age of 9 I was told “you dont have the other two don’t worry” as if it was a bad thing to be diagnosed with.

So why now, in my 20′s is it even harder to get anything through to get diagnosed and how is it affecting me getting my life saving medication? I’m a bit of a scatterbrain at times, object permanence and all, if I’m not actively thinking about how I need to be doing something to take care of my health my brain deems it isn’t as important as the thing I am doing right now, I’ll have time after I’m done and doing that thing now like taking a shower or checking my BG will take precious time out of what I’m doing now. But if I don’t check my BG and give myself insulin for the pretzels I’m snacking on rn - I won’t get approval to continue getting my insulin prescription. And half the time I don’t know if its because I’m undiagnosed and unmedicated or just because I’ve conditioned myself into living like this, and maybe that thought process is from years of masking as a Neurotypical person. ON TOP OF THAT; my arthritis is getting so bad to the point I need to wear a leg and ankle brace anytime I go outside and bring a cane with me because it has reached my legs and makes it painful to even walk, I can’t do my job for long periods because my arthritis makes my hands clamp up and cause me to be in agony even with just typing.

Now the US government has made it so I as a gender-fluid. transgender, asexual, biromantic man, might not even be allowed medical service for the fact I’m LGBT+. So I hope you can see the problem people like me are being forced to experience and maybe some of you out there can relate to it too... and if you do- you aren’t alone out there, we’ll get through this together.

#health care #us politics #us healthcare #us health system #fuck the usa #rant #nuerodivergent #immune compromised #diabetic

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anendoandfriendo · 2 years ago

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We're always very surprised when people can use like, people, especially coworkers, struggle with microsoft apps and tools and maybe it's just because we get up navigating those kinds of things. Wdk.

We struggle a little bit on actually making the spreadsheets ourselves, but we have a general theoretical idea on how to do that we have, in fact, made something extremely basic for our own budgeting. Our ADHD kicks us in the ass every time we try to use it, but we CAN do that, at minimum.

And we also know pur way around a microsoft excel worksheet very well because our late father worked for John Deere in the engineering & business office in [REDACTED]. He literally showed us how to navigate through an excel spreadsheet maybe once when we were fifteen and it was just like...so easy.

And we don't even need filters most of the time for our current job but when we do, it's like, everyone else seems to need to narrow it down to one specific column and use ctrl + F and we are like!!! No!!! You shouldn't need to do that unless you are scanning the whole page, and you should know how to use the filters!!!

We had to use PowerPoint in middle school and high school a lot, and got very good at it. We canmot remember the details but our last year in high school (so...seven years ago guesstimate) we definitely made our AP world history teacher laugh at a shitty joke about sharks at some point. Complete with a little picture swirly of a shark to pop up in the corner of the slide.

We don't know exactly how to end this, we think we may just be frustrated because of the sorry state of things for people closer to our age or smth.

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eidetic187 · 2 years ago

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me, expecting him to say no: hey are u gonna cook tonight?

my husband: ya

me, now mourning my pizza: oh! okay :)

#;; welcome to the bread bank ( out of character )#fasdjflk it's probably better that we cook #but i was drooling over the pizza in my head....#adhd has been kicking both of our asses lately that's why i thought he would say no lol

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tired-teacher-blog · 2 years ago

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Hey Teach!

Thought I would send in an ask! Loving your work, and this week has been kinda long and rough on my end. From applying to several different summer jobs, taking an online class, and recently being diagnosed with ADHD. I was wondering if I could get some comfort and spice to distract me from the hard stuff in the moment with my favorite boys, aka Shinsou, Kiri, Bakugou, and Todoroki... I don't mind if they are all together or seperate! Also if you'd like you are always allowed to through in our other favorite sleepy head teacher Aziawa into the mix! Thanks again!!!

Hi sweetie! Thank you so much for sending in a request and I'm so sorry it took me forever to get to it. I wasn't feeling well lately and I didn't want to deliver a half assed work. Anyway, I'm really sorry you're going through a hard time lately and I wish this humble gift would lift your spirits ❤️

Title : Here for you

Characters : Bakugo/ Shinsou/ Kirishima/ Shouto/ Gender neutral reader

Genre : Fluff/ angst/ tw: reference to adhd symptoms.

Summary : When your adhd symptoms get too intense to the point of interfering with your work, causing you trouble and lowering your self-esteem, your sweetheart becomes the only one to provide you with comfort.

Masterlist|Second Masterlist

Bakugo :

You stand a moment too long studying your features in front of your bathroom mirror, before splashing more cold water on your face and hoping it would conceal your puffy eyes.

_ "Babe! Dinner is ready come on!" Your boyfriend's shouts reach you from the other side of the door and you take a deep breath going out and hoping he wouldn't notice.

For a while it works, as you manage to suppress your feelings.

However, it all goes to hell when he playfully pulls you on top of him on the couch. You slap his hands away and lash out on a poor unexpected Katsuki..

His eyes are wide open, and the sight brings you back to your senses.

_ "I'm sorry Katsuki, please.. I'm so sorry, I really didn't mean to..." Your tears are flowing but it doesn't matter, all that matters is for him to comprehend.

He stands up and wordlessly reachs an arm out for you, wiping your tears away and smiling reassuringly.

He knows, he understands, and most of all, he hates it when you explain.

You squeeze the hand caressing your cheek, begging for it to remain in place.. it does.

His other hand slips around your waist and pulls you gently to his embrace.

_ " Don't apologize, and don't explain anything." he kisses your trembling shoulder, "did something happen at work today?" you nod faintly and start talking about what got you in trouble this time around.

He's patient and he's listening carefully to every word you're saying, offering you small kisses and an encouraging back rub.

You finally fall silent but keep your face buried deep in his chest.

_ "You really had a rough day huh? But you're here and you're still doing your best despite it all and that's what's important. Mistakes happen no matter what so don't let it get to you, but if that asshole of a boss ever gives you a hard time I'll kick his fucking ass for you. Just say it!"

His last words bring the cutest hearty giggles out of you, he loves them and would fight the world to guard them.

_ "Thank you honey, but I can handle that asshole myself." You beam through your tears and sniffles, gazing at him with confidence.

_ "That's my sweetheart! I'm proud of you." He returns your smile and leans in for a deep kiss, one that takes your breath away.

Kirishima :

_ "... Can you believe that? I laughed my ass off!" Your boyfriend is enthusiastically telling you about something that happened with him at work today but you can't, for the life of you, keep up with him.

You suddenly feel overwhelmed and it shows upon your features. You can tell by the way his smile has disappeared.

_ "Honey are you alright?" Eijiro takes your hand in his as he attempts to pull you back to him.

You nod as a response, although too fast for it to be believable. He stands up from his chair pulling you gently with him before taking you straight to your bedroom and leaving your dinner almost untouched.

He didn't really need to ask since it isn't the first time. You're mostly alright -managing to be precise- but sometimes it gets too much for you to bare especially if you start having problems at work.

He drags you to bed, laying down and positioning you on top of him.

It's your favorite position, you like to place your head on his chest and listen to his steady heartbeat. It always helps.

_ "Do you want to talk about it?" His voice is as gentle as ever.

_ "I messed up again at work.. I keep causing trouble.."

_ "Hey y/n it's fine you know? Having set backs here and there is a part of life. And look at you! You're strong and stubborn and you managed to accomplish what many others couldn't despite your struggles. I'm proud of you."

He truly is proud of you and he never misses a chance to give you a reminder. He pulls you closer and kisses the top of your head while his fingers trace gentle shapes on your back.

You start to relax in his arms, and your smile finally returns.

_ "Thank you for believing in me Eijiro."

_ "Always." He lifts your head up and locks your lips in a sweet kiss.

Shouto :

Today was one of those days..

_ "Hello."

_ "Shouto.. are you still at work?"

_ "I'm on my way home honey, how about you?"

And for a moment he hears no answer.

_ "Y/n what's happening?", his voice sounds a bit tense now.

_ "I'm home, I've been home the whole day, please get here quickly."

He blinks a few times in confusion, you two went out together in the morning, each headed to your own workplace, so what does this mean?

_ "Alright sweetheart I'll be there in a minute."

You hang up the phone and bring your knees up to your chest, hugging them tightly in a futile attempt to stop yourself from shaking.

Moments later, your boyfriend's worried voice reaches you: "y/n! I'm home babe." it doesn't take him long to find you cooped up on the couch.

He approaches you slowly and places a gentle hand on top of your head.

_ "What's the matter honey? Talk to me."

_ "I've been sent home today because I messed up during the meeting.. I'm a burden, and an embarrassment! I keep causing trouble for myself and even for you! I don't understand.. I keep trying my best but it never works.. I'm so sorry.. I'm.." your sobs prevent you from carrying on. You're hurt, and ashamed.

You hide your face behind your hands and weep.

You feel the couch cushion dip under his weight and flinch when his palm starts tracing your spine.

_ "Stop blaming yourself over everything love. Who said you were a burden?! Don't even joke about it. You're smart and tough, and you never back down. I admire that about you more than words can explain." he gently pulls you completely on top of him, kissing your temple and bringing your head to rest on his shoulder, "there is nothing wrong with being overwhelmed or messing up sometimes, you've got me and I'm not going anywhere. Whatever you need I won't hesitate to do it."

_ "I want you to keep holding me Shouto, please don't let me go." you're fisting his shirt as you beg and he squeezes you closer to himself: "I will never let you go."

Shinsou :

You're tossing and turning in bed, unable to stay still for a moment.

You haven't been feeling all that well for days and as much as you tried to, you couldn't hide it from your boyfriend.

He's been doing his best to help but nothing is working, and you have finally reached your breaking point.

You're suffocating, you just want to scream at the top of your lungs, maybe then you'll start feeling better.

Your boyfriend is a light sleeper, and you're afraid of accidentally waking him up if you keep fidgeting, so you carefully leave the bed and walk out of the room.

However, you weren't as quiet as you thought you were, because the moment you stepped foot outside of your shared bedroom, a groggy voice along with shuffling feet followed you outside.

_ "y/n, is everything okay beautiful?" he plops down on the floor right next to you and he can't help but notice your shaky legs.

_ "I don't think so, I feel like I'm about to explode." You tighten your fists and clench your jaws as you try to keep it all in check.

_ "Don't hold back", he whispers smoothing a palm over your trembling thigh, "whether you want to cry, scream, talk, hit the wall or even me, go ahead and do it."

You turn around to face him, unsure of what to say or do, but seeing his sleepy eyes and sweet smile clear up your mind at last.

You move to sit on his lap and rest your head against his shoulder: "please hug me Hitoshi.. that's all I need."

He does as instructed, holding you tightly against his chest and placing the softest kisses all over your face and neck.

Your eyes are burning but you are no longer forcing your tears back.

_ "It's alright love, this is good, cry as much as you need and leave nothing in." he lifts your head up and kisses your tear stained eyelashes, "I'm here for you, no matter how hard it gets you'll always have me by your side and that's a promise."

And for the first time in days, your heart is finally feeling lighter.

@kingsheir

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bitchesgetriches · 2 years ago

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{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Repairing Our Busted-Ass World

On poverty:

Starting from nothing

How To Start at Rock Bottom: Welfare Programs and the Social Safety Net

How to Save for Retirement When You Make Less Than $30,000 a Year

Ask the Bitches: “Is It Too Late to Get My Financial Shit Together?“

Understanding why people are poor

It’s More Expensive to Be Poor Than to Be Rich

Why Are Poor People Poor and Rich People Rich?

On Financial Discipline, Generational Poverty, and Marshmallows

Bitchtastic Book Review: Hand to Mouth by Linda Tirado

Is Gentrification Just Artisanal, Small-Batch Displacement of the Poor?

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights

Developing compassion for poor people

The Latte Factor, Poor Shaming, and Economic Compassion

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Stop Myself from Judging Homeless People?“

The Subjectivity of Wealth, Or: Don’t Tell Me What’s Expensive

A Little Princess: Intersectional Feminist Masterpiece?

If You Can’t Afford to Tip 20%, You Can’t Afford to Dine Out

Correcting income inequality

1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap

One Reason Women Make Less Money? They’re Afraid of Being Raped and Killed.

Raising the Minimum Wage Would Make All Our Lives Better

Are Unions Good or Bad?

On intersectional social issues:

Reproductive rights

On Pulling Weeds and Fighting Back: How (and Why) to Protect Abortion Rights

How To Get an Abortion

Blood Money: Menstrual Products for Surviving Your Period While Poor

You Don’t Have to Have Kids

Gender equality

1 Easy Way All Allies Can Help Close the Gender and Racial Pay Gap

The Pink Tax, Or: How I Learned to Love Smelling Like “Bearglove”

Our Single Best Piece of Advice for Women (and Men) on International Women’s Day

Bitchtastic Book Review: The Feminist Financial Handbook by Brynne Conroy

Sexual Harassment: How to Identify and Fight It in the Workplace

Queer issues

Queer Finance 101: Ten Ways That Sexual and Gender Identity Affect Finances

Leaving Home before 18: A Practical Guide for Cast-Offs, Runaways, and Everybody in Between

Racial justice

The Financial Advantages of Being White

Woke at Work: How to Inject Your Values into Your Boring, Lame-Ass Job

The New Jim Crow, by Michelle Alexander: A Bitchtastic Book Review

Something Is Wrong in Personal Finance. Here’s How To Make It More Inclusive.

The Biggest Threat to Black Wealth Is White Terrorism

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 2: Racial and Gender Inequality

10 Rad Black Money Experts to Follow Right the Hell Now

Youth issues

What We Talk About When We Talk About Student Loans

The Ugly Truth About Unpaid Internships

Ask the Bitches: “I Just Turned 18 and My Parents Are Kicking Me Out. How Do I Brace Myself?”

Identifying and combatting abuse

When Money is the Weapon: Understanding Intimate Partner Financial Abuse

Are You Working on the Next Fyre Festival?: Identifying a Toxic Workplace

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Say ‘No’ When a Loved One Asks for Money… Again?”

Ask the Bitches: I Was Guilted Into Caring for a Sick, Abusive Parent. Now What?

On mental health:

Understanding mental health issues

How Mental Health Affects Your Finances

Stop Recommending Therapy Like It’s a Magic Bean That’ll Grow Me a Beanstalk to Neurotypicaltown

Bitchtastic Book Review: Kurt Vonnegut’s Galapagos and Your Big Brain

Ask the Bitches: “How Do I Protect My Own Mental Health While Still Helping Others?”

Coping with mental health issues

{ MASTERPOST } Everything You Need to Know about Self-Care

My 25 Secrets to Successfully Working from Home with ADHD

Our Master List of 100% Free Mental Health Self-Care Tactics

On saving the planet:

Changing the system

Don’t Boo, Vote: If You Don’t Vote, No One Can Hear You Scream

Ethical Consumption: How to Pollute the Planet and Exploit Labor Slightly Less

The Anti-Consumerist Gift Guide: I Have No Gift to Bring, Pa Rum Pa Pum Pum

Season 1, Episode 4: “Capitalism Is Working for Me. So How Could I Hate It?”

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 1: Healthcare, Housing, and Labor Rights

Coronavirus Reveals America’s Pre-existing Conditions, Part 2: Racial and Gender Inequality

Shopping smarter

You Deserve Cheap Toilet Paper, You Beautiful Fucking Moon Goddess

You Are above Bottled Water, You Elegant Land Mermaid

Fast Fashion: Why It’s Fucking up the World and How To Avoid It

You Deserve Cheap, Fake Jewelry… Just Like Coco Chanel

6 Proven Tactics for Avoiding Emotional Impulse Spending

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thejosh1980 · 4 years ago

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Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes...

We've sure had a few changes here at The Ocean Shores Resort. It's been a full on month since I last wrote... Through the good, the bad, and the ugly, we've been keeping positive, enjoying the cooler days. Damn summer is hot and long here!!!

The past few months have all been about learning to deal with life's unexpected roadblocks and detours.

There's a lot to tell, but I think the main thing is, at least for me, that I've been a student for the first time the late 1990's. I've spent the past 4 weeks in class, learning, studying, researching, getting to know my classmates and finding all of it challenging, stimulating and exciting.

Studying counseling has been surprisingly awesome for my mental health too. I mean, I have had some really challenging days, especially when it comes to some of the assessments. The first one, well I just about quit the course over it. I really was at my wit's end. An assessment, I suspect, that was created by some office nut job in a government position, who never taught a day in his life and thinks his open ambiguous questions are making it easier for us to answer. I think the whole class suffered sleepless nights that week!! Terrible, but I chipped away at it, persevered and managed to finish it a few days early. Not only that, I learnt a lot about myself and the situation at hand, as you know I'm all about the process.

I learnt that I have to work slowly and meaningfully at these assessments. I can't expect to finish it in one sitting or even in one weekend. Just starting and having a go, finding the easier parts to get done first, using different resources (I love how I can spend the day watching youtube videos and count that as research) and making sure I take time to focus on me with a little bit of self care.

Alex has been super great too, as I delve into this mysterious world of study and being a student. She listens to me talk about the counseling theory of the day, the one we just did in class and how great it is because I can already apply it to friends, family or, more importantly, myself, only to hear me talk about the next theory the next day, like it's gods gift to therapy. She proof reads all my work, debates theories, offers very good suggestions (not only is she super self aware, but she's studied psychology) and somehow, I don't know how she does it, but she knows when I need a break and encourages me to take it. Otherwise I would be at the books day and night.

I've also learnt a lot in class about myself. Part of that comes from comparing my experiences, beliefs and knowledge with my classmates. They are all really great people from a wide variety of backgrounds. But some, push my buttons ever so gently, and I love it. I love the challenge of figuring out why I react to that person that way. What is it I'm feeling and why?

I am thankful this is not an online course!

I've gotten to know some classmates fairly well, and I am surprised at how they openly offer words of appreciation and support. Like “your voice is really calming” and “your vulnerability and openness is a breath of fresh air”. I always thought my voice sounded pretty crap! (Yes I know I sing, but that still doesn't mean I like the sound of my own voice). Also, I never thought I was actually being vulnerable, I always thought that I was just sharing stuff, my stuff, in the hope we can understand each other better. I may have to stop that now....

Nahhhh, just kidding...

The course is something that is right for me, right now. I don't think my mental state would have been ready 2 to 5 years ago, let alone 10 or even 20 years ago!!

Besides the 2 afternoons being ruined by frustration, anger and hopelessness, due to the above mentioned assessment from hell, it's been a good 4 weeks into the year long course. I look forward to each day in class... I even go to the college on my off days to work in the library instead of working from home. I just get more done, even though Mijo misses my lap!

I don't know where the course will take me, I haven't even thought of what job I want to do once I'm a qualified counselor. I hope that during my time as a student, the course will guide me in the direction best suited for me. Learn my weaknesses, follow my strengths and work with both. It's all too overwhelming to think too far ahead. See, I'm learning...

Right here and now... That's all that matters....

During my first week at college, Alex changed jobs. Arriving in Australia and diving head first into real estate sales 1 hour away from home was a real high jump to begin with! The pressure of the job, not to mention the 2 hours a day traveling time, the weekend work and the small size of the business with undefined job roles made it tough! Real tough!

Alex decided to side step into an admin position in a bigger real estate company closer to home with defined job roles, massive support and a very positive outlook. She basically took up her role she had in New York. She's lovin' it! I am too. She's home each night at the same time, doesn't bring much work home with her, other than stories of her awesome day, which I love to hear. Additionally she now has her weekends free to explore and relax too.

She also found a psychiatrist who confirmed her ADHD diagnosis. Alex was originally diagnosed in her early 20's after her turbulent teenage years. She had therapy and medication back then but after a huge burn out in the US, she came back to Germany and let it all lapse. It has been a real struggle for her to cope, and at times, I'll be honest, it has put strain on our marriage. Well, 1 day after her first doc appointment and her meds had kicked in, she's become a new woman. It's been great to get to know this side of her. While things are not 100% perfect, I now have a wife who looks forward to getting up and attacking the day with gusto.

Mum's had a hard run lately too... We all know that I came back to help support her as her eye sight slowly deteriorates. I've been here to read every label, drive her to every appointment and help her work the wonderful world of her laptop, printer and Windows. Alex has been alongside us for the ride too. There's been a few recent health issues that have cropped up. I can't go into detail, but it's fair to say, I can see it was the right time to come home and be here to support Mum.

Mum is strong willed, strong minded and independent, and little of that will change while she can fight against all the odds throwin' at her. It's been a tough couple of weeks, and mum's kept focused on the bigger picture, her health, it's been inspiring.

Mijo has been through the wars.

The little deaf cat recently celebrated his 6 month birthday, but the poor fella has something seriously going on with his health which means we are delaying any big celebrations until his 1st birthday... Besides ringworm (it's not actually a worm, it's a fungal infection), a tooth that won't grow down (it grows directly forward and needs to be surgically removed), no appetite and losing weight, he's doing fine! The poor lethargic fella sleeps all day, which is kind of normal, except I can't remember the last time he had the energy to chase a toy or even run.

I haven't been taking him out much, he needs rest. We did explore the beaches, rivers and parks nearby together, I hope that in a few months I can pick up where we left off. For now he needs rest, calmness and another trip or two the vet.

Through all these ups and downs, we're all actually quite good.

My deep hole from February/March is just a blimp on the computer screen of my life. Studying has raised a few challenges but I am working my way through them, determined to kick that courses ass and learn, learn, learn... One day I hope I can help others through similar struggles as my own.

Alex's struggles with ADHD are progressing in the right direction now and her new job sure was the right call. Mum is showing the world she can take on whatever is thrown at her, and then some.

Alex and I keep going from strength to strength. I'm blessed with her support, respect and love. One classmates already calls her “the awesome wife”, and they've never met!! I guess when I talk about my wife, I reek of pride and love, as it should be.

Thanks for reading,

The Josh

#mental health #counseler #education #psychology #family #journal

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whelvenwings · 4 years ago

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So I just saw that post on laziness that you reblogged and I was wondering what your thoughts are on laziness vs procrastination? Because I'm going through a particularly bad round of procrastination, but I don't feel like it's borne out of laziness (which to me, is more of "I don't feel like doing this immediately but I will do it soon"). Whereas procrastination is constantly postponing something but never being able to convince my brain to actually do the task (also any tips on tackling this?)

Hello anon!! Yes hello good hi. first of all, ugh, I’m so sorry you’ve been having a hard time with procrastination lately. it’s rough and I hope it eases up for you.

hmmmm yes, so, laziness and procrastination. WELL. hmm. OKAY. these thoughts might be a bit all over the place, so I hope you’ll bear with me as I ramble on a bit. or a lot. probably a lot! I have a lot of thoughts about it all.

so I think I’d start off by saying that I kind of don’t believe in laziness.

it’s like... for me, laziness is... chronically choosing not to do something that you know you should do, even though that thing is entirely doable for you. that is to say, you have the time for a task, the skills for it, and the ability to motivate yourself to do it - but you regularly choose not to do it.

the key element here is choice. for me, laziness implies not just that a task isn’t done - it implies you could’ve done it, and then you chose not to. but to be able to choose not to do something, that thing has to be completely possible in the first place, right? we wouldn’t say we choose not to fly, we say that we can’t do it, it’s not possible for us. every day that I walk around instead of flying, I’m not being lazy, I’m just not doing something that’s outside my capability. very often (I’d argue always) when we regularly don’t do something, it’s because we cannot do it. it’s not a choice not to do it, because there’s something going on that makes the task impossible in our status quo. I think our ideas about what we can and can’t do, and how serious a barrier it is to not be able to motivate ourselves, are often really skewed by comparison with others. if I lived in a world populated only by birds, maybe I’d think I was procrastinating on flying.

the thing that briefly breaks me out of a procrastination loop is usually panic at the promise of Bad Consequences, i.e. my brain is finally convinced of the importance of the task, but this is a quick one-off fix that doesn’t help the chronic issue, so next time I have to do the same task I’ll follow the same pattern of putting it off until Total Panic Time. and at a certain point, even the Bad Consequences just aren’t enough motivation, and I simply can’t do the task. often I am in distress at not being able to do the task. just as often, the distress is a contributing factor in the task not getting done for longer.

the issue that makes the task not doable for me tends to vary a lot depending on the situation. and I think a lot of people have it the same way, where different issues crop up with different tasks.

- so like sometimes it’s a Success Elsewhere issue. you just can’t believe you can actually decently do the thing you have to do, so you go work at something else that you think you can succeed at. “lazy” to me implies a lack of effort, right? and yet with this one, the things that you do instead of homework or chores or whatever, they often take plenty of effort. like you’re kicking ass at video games, pouring hours into it, because the game makes you feel like you really could be the best!! it’s worth the effort because you get rewards! you’re working, just not at the thing you Should be doing, because you can’t believe working on that thing will lead to any reward/success.

- sometimes it’s a Why Does It Matter issue. sometimes you just aren’t convinced enough that the reward of doing a task is worth the work it’ll take, because you can clearly see that the world is in crisis and it’s exceptionally hard to believe that, say, homework matters when everything feels like it’s on fire.

- sometimes it’s a Fuck You Anyway issue. a lot of people feel alienated by the society we live in, the same society that says hey, you have to do homework, you have to succeed at university, you have to get these grades, you have to be polite, you can’t get angry, you have to respond to emails, you have to do this specific kind of job to make good money or else you won’t have enough. when an authority you don’t trust/a system that is clearly broken tries to shove you into doing something, sometimes you don’t want to bloody do it, you know? sometimes you don’t want to do the small tasks that build up into following a path you don’t believe in.

- sometimes it’s a The World Has Swept Me This Far, What, Are You Saying I Have to Do Things for Myself Now issue. between parents and teachers and societal expectations, a person can go surprisingly far in this world just kind of keeping to the course that other people decide for them. but the map always has edges, right? eventually people stop having a plan for you and you’re quite suddenly expected to know exactly what to do with yourself, and just become a success with the opportunities you’ve been given, but you have no clue whatsoever how to do that. doing nothing in this instance isn’t laziness, it’s not that you want to sit and stagnate - it’s just that you’re doing exactly what you’ve always done: what you’re being guided to do. the only difference is that now you’re not being guided to do anything, so you don’t do anything. you have no idea how to flex the muscles of personal choice; you don’t even know if you have them.

- sometimes it’s a Distraction issue. again, for a huge amount of people, the world is pretty garbage right now. and sometimes you’re clinging on via the happy hormone hit you get when you do something fun, so doing something hard/boring feels like it would push you too far. or sometimes the hard/boring task doesn’t absorb enough of your attention, leaving way too much space for your brain to talk to itself and spiral out of control with bad thoughts and feelings, which it won’t do if you’re watching videos or scrolling on your phone or hanging out with friends etc. given how tailored our brain hormones naturally are to finding the shortest path to happiness, and how relatively easy it is in our culture to find short-term happiness via the internet, I don’t find it surprising that a lot of people just literally cannot engage with doing difficult, boring tasks when there’s a small burst of happiness just one tap away.

- sometimes it’s an Energy issue. bad mental health is a motivation killer. battling depression or anxiety or another mental health issue just leeches away your reserves for other things. you don’t have the spoons for doing a task, but people with more spoons will look at you not doing it and call you lazy - because for them, the task is doable, and they don’t get that for you it is not.

UGH MAN there’s so much more to it than just these separate scenarios, they all interweave and there are loads more of them, and I want to talk about how being neurodivergent affects these things and how being queer affects it too imo, but I feel like I could go on and on forever so I’ll leave it at that. my point is, I think both procrastination and so-called laziness start when for some reason, a task isn’t doable for you. so the key is figuring out why the task isn’t doable, and changing something, and then hopefully being able to chug away at it!

some things that have helped me are:

- getting little bits of help - when my mum and I hang out, she’ll sometimes just sit and chat to me while I clean around her because it’s doable for me while she’s there. collaboration can ease a lot of procrastination woes for me.

- instead of telling myself “I have to do this”, I tell myself “I deserve to have this done”. so like, instead of “I have to clean the bathroom”, it’s “I deserve to live in a clean house”. instead of “I have to do this essay for homework”, it should have been “I deserve to be able to show the skills I have, and get help from my teachers in the places where I have holes in my understanding”. it’s just like, less focus on the dumb task and more focus on the goal that I’ll achieve by doing the task, with a healthy dose of self-validation on the side.

- if the problem’s really chronic and affecting your life in a pretty major way, maybe it’s time to look into whether there’s an underlying issue with the way your brain focuses? I’m autistic, and I have friends with ADHD, and the way our brains focus/don’t focus on things can be hard to manage at times - but understanding what’s going on inside the old brainspace and reading about how other people handle the same things can be a really good way to start breaking the cycle of procrastination.

#anon #... and that's that on that?#anon asudasidh I'm so sorry what an essay #I hope any of that was helpful to you #or at least vaguely interesting to read/relevant to what was on your mind #I wish you all the best against the demons of procrastination #onwards we battle!

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cryptidshuffle · 4 years ago

Text

the less we say about it the better - chp 1

ao3

Rating: Teen Fandom: Half-Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware Relationships: Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman (pre relationship) Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Temporary Character Death(its benrey dont worry hes ok), meta about deaths and respawns, arguing about the rules of uno, gay pining, Mutual Pining, fellas is it gay to comfort ur friend who u love and are both boys?, also fair warning it'll eventually be a poly ship with benrey, Autistic Character, Autistic Tommy, ADHD Gordon, everyone is gay and trans, Other Additional Tags to Be Added

Summary: “after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental break downs.” they are trying to recover after black mesa, but recovery is hard. especially when one of you is still dead

---------------

They had been out of Black Mesa for a few weeks now. It was difficult trying to acclimate to life after the incident, but they were all making it work.

The science team had gotten together for some sort of game night, something cathartic about being around others who share the same trauma. Anyways, snacks and Uno was just as chaotic as one would imagine with this group of chucklefucks, with competitive tensions high on the last round of the night.

“You can’t stack the draw 4 cards, Gordon,” Bubby argued, smacking Gordon’s hand just as he placed the card.

“Says who?”

“It’s literally against the fucking rules of the game,” Bubby said back.

Tommy agreed with, “It is in the official rules, Mr. Freeman, they- Mattel confirmed it on Twitter.”

“But that’s dumb!” Gordon argued back, “I’ve always played where you can stack those, why change that now?"

Bubby retorted, “Well maybe you’ve always been playing wrong, huh? Ever thought about that, smartass?”

Dr. Coomer chimed in with, “Well on the official page for Uno (card game) on Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia that anyone can edit, it states that

The following official house rules are suggested in the Uno rulebook, to alter the game:

Progressive Uno: If a draw card is played, and the following player has the same card, they can play that card and "stack" the penalty, which adds to the current penalty and passes it to the following player.[4](Although a +4 cannot be stacked on a +2, or vice versa.)[6] This house rule is so commonly used that there was widespread Twitter surprise in 2019 when Mattel stated that stacking was not part of the standard rules of Uno.[6]”

“Well, there you have it,” Gordon exclaims, interrupting Coomer’s Wikipedia infodump, “Just because it’s a house rule doesn’t mean it’s not a legitimate way of playing."

“What if I don’t want to play with that rule, that’s fuckin stupid,” Bubby grumbles.

“Jesus ok, I'll play a different card, happy?” Gordon says dejectedly, taking back his controversial draw 4 card for a more innocuous one. “It’s your turn anyways.”

Bubby throws down his last card onto the pile. “I win fuckers!!!! Ahahahahaha!"

“You wouldn’t have won if you let me stack the fucking cards,” Gordon said as he threw his losing card pile onto the coffee table.

“Don’t fret Gordon! Bubby is just extremely good at card games,” Dr. Coomer replied.

“You're forgetting I’m a goddamn genius, that extends to my sick-ass Uno skills,” Bubby bragged.

Gordon chuckled, watching the two older scientists get up to leave, and watching Tommy remain, quietly cleaning up the uno deck into neat piles to place in its box.

“Well gentlemen, it’s been fun, though I think it’s time Bubby and I better get going!” Dr. Coomer said.

“No problem, don’t want you two to be late for your old man early-bird breakfast at Golden Corral tomorrow!” Gordon teased.

“Shut the fuck- I’ll kick your ass,” said Bubby.

“Hello Gord- Actually our old man breakfast is not until Saturday! It’s the one day a week I let loose and unhinge my jaws at the buffet like a Burmese Python!” said Dr. Coomer as Bubby grabs his coat and keys.

“That sounds absolutely horrifying,” Gordon laughs.

“It really is,” says Bubby. “Well, see you later asshole,” Bubby says, herding himself and Coomer out the front door.

“See you guys later,” Gordon says.

“Goodbye, Gordon! Goodbye, Tommy,” Coomer also says, before they leave Gordon’s apartment.

Tommy had yet to get up to leave, he stayed sitting in his seat staring into space, and fiddling with the Uno card deck.

“Hey Tommy, you alright man?” he asked gently. At the mention of his name, he was shaken a bit out of his stupor.

“Y-yeah I'm fine Mr. Freeman, why do you ask?”

“I mean you were kinda just staring into space for a bit, and you didn’t say anything when Bubby and Coomer left.”

“Oh shit. Sorry about that, I’ll get out of your hair,” Tommy said, starting to move to leave.

Gordon placed a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. “Hey, if something’s bothering you, just know I’m here if you wanna talk about it,” Gordon comforted.

Tommy blushed slightly at the contact and nodded.

“Thank you. I-uh… I’ve just been thinking about things that happened back in Black Mesa and, you know,” he pauses to think for a bit, and sighs, “honestly I’ve been thinking a lot about Benrey.”

Just at the mention of him, Gordon felt his stomach drop with the weight of too many emotions.

“Yeah...I uh… I understand,” he responds with a sad sigh, “anything in particular you’re thinking about him?”

“I don’t know just kind of- Earlier I started thinking about how much he would enjoy game night. And then I started to miss him and realize that- that he’s not here. I feel guilty about killing him and upset at what he did. He was still my friend and I just- I want to know why he did what he did. I just want to understand,” Tommy said.

Gordon looked away as he thought about his own emotions regarding Benrey. He was undeniably angry with him, for getting him ambushed by the bootboys, for getting his arm cut off, frustrated with the constant taunting. Yet… he also felt guilty for some reason and he couldn’t quite place why. Gordon really didn’t want to feel guilty.

“Yeah…” Gordon sighed, “I'll be honest I do feel guilty about it too. I don’t know why because I feel like it should be justified since he did try to kill us. But there were times when him pestering me about my arm felt like… like sincere questioning? I still… I don’t know.”

“Yeah… I think-” Tommy cut himself off, staring at a fixed point in his vision, trying to decide whether or not to bring this up.

“I don’t think Benrey understood how human mortality worked.”

Well, that wasn’t what Gordon expected. “What do you mean?”

“Well, he was from Xen, Mr. Freeman, he wasn’t human. It was different for him. You remember he did die several times, but he came back eventually. He had to wait for his form to regenerate.”

“Wait-” this time Gordon cut Tommy off, “Oh shit, that wasn’t a joke? For some reason I just assumed his talking about respawns and shit was part of his Epic Gamer bit?”

“I mean it was a little but I think… there’s probably a reason Benrey attached himself to video games so much, yeah? He can see himself in the structure. Like, uh- something he can relate to.” Tommy says. “It doesn’t excuse what- what he did, but I feel like knowing why things happened makes- makes them more understandable.”

Gordon leaned back on the couch blown away by the revelation. In hindsight it wasn’t that surprising but it took him a few seconds to come to terms with the reality.

“Yeah, when you put it that way, I guess it does make a lot of sense. Wait though, I swear to god all of you have died at least once, but you guys aren’t from Xen?” Gordon said, now confused about the seeming metanarrative of the mortality of his friends.

“Yeah, but those were weird Black Mesa things, Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, not elaborating any more than that.

Gordon waited a beat for Tommy to explain more but he said all he needed to.

“I will ask you more about that later, but I do not have the energy to unpack all that right now,” Gordon said with a gentle laugh.

“Wait, getting back on topic real quick, why couldn’t Benrey just... respawn now? Did we really get him that good?”

Tommy looked incredibly sad when Gordon said this, and he regretted it immediately. ‘Damn it Gordon, Tommy’s clearly upset about Benrey, you don’t gotta be an insensitive dick.’

“Well Mr. Freeman, that’s kinda why I’ve been thinking about him,” Tommy said, “I’m not sure. It shouldn’t have taken him this long to respawn. Depending on the amount of damage it takes longer but… It’s been a while and what if- What if he is back but he is mad at all of us and that’s why we haven’t seen him? Or what if it is taking a really long time because we hurt him a whole lot. Or what if we…”

Tommy got quiet for a few seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. For an instance Gordon felt as if making a sound would shatter the air like glass.

Tommy finally said with a whisper, voice thick with choking back tears, “What if we killed him for good? And I don’t- I never see him again?”

It honestly broke Gordon’s heart how distraught Tommy was. Pushing his own complicated Benrey feelings aside, he was gonna focus on Tommy here and now.

“…Tommy, is it ok if I hug you, man?” Gordon couldn’t think of the best way to comfort the other man with words, but physical comfort he could do.

Tommy looked a little surprised at this ask but nodded. Gordon leaned in to hug the other scientist and Tommy collapsed in his embrace, completely breaking down.

Gordon just sat there and held him as Tommy sobbed into his shoulder, trying to comfort the crying man by rubbing circles into his back.

Gordon’s brain processed the things Tommy had said. Was Benrey really gone? Why did he feel guilty about the idea of having killed Benrey, he was fine with the concept during the final boss fight on Xen but now… the thought made him feel… sad? Regretful? Even his seemingly rational justifications didn’t seem as clear at the moment, only thinking of his fonder memories with Benrey.

‘Fuck this,’ he thought as he felt his own tears well up, ‘this isn’t about me, I need to focus on being there for Tommy,’ pushing his own feelings to the back of his mind to be dealt with later.

Tommy eventually calmed down enough where his sobs turned into sniffles, and he started to pull away from the hug.

“S – sorry for having a – a breakdown on your- on your couch Mr. Freeman,” Tommy said, the post-crying mental fog making his stuttering more noticeable. Tommy didn’t really have the effort in him to care.

“Don’t worry about it, man, after everything we’ve been through we deserve a few mental breakdowns,” Gordon joked trying to lighten the mood.

“Oh, that was nothing, Mr. Freeman, in terms of mental breakdowns that was as mild as a first-grade pizza party in the eye of a hurricane,” Tommy compared in a way that made little sense to Gordon, yet ridiculous enough to cause the man to burst out laughing.

“Alright I’ll take your word for it,” Gordon said, still laughing.

“I’m serious Mr. Freeman, once you have a meltdown so intense that you accidentally teleport yourself to an inter-dimensional void, the rest is a cake walk at the school fair,” Tommy said.

“Waitwaitwait- teleport?” he leaned back to look at him in surprise, “Since when could you fuckin teleport!” Gordon asked caught off guard.

“You know, learned some things from my Dad,” Tommy said, again failing to further explain himself.

“…Well alright. Yeah that tracks.”

Gordon was quiet for a moment before responding with, “You know, Tommy, I want you to know I’m here for you if you need anyone to talk to. You were there for me when I was at my lowest in Black Mesa, and I wanna be that friend to you if you need it,” he said giving the other scientists hand a comforting squeeze.

Tommy smiled, “Thank you, that means a lot Mr. Freeman.”

“You know you can call me Gordon, you don’t have to be so formal all the time Dr. Coolatta,” he teased.

Tommy blushed, ‘dammit why did he have to be so cute?’

“Wow Mr. Fr – Gordon are you really gonna make fun of my doctorate that I worked very hard for,” Tommy teased back, still a bit sniffly from crying.

“Dude, I cannot imagine you in college for some reason, what was your doctorate even in” asked Gordon, semi-jokingly, but still a bit serious.

Tommy laughed a bit, wiping the remaining tears away with the back of his hand. “Bio-chemical engineering. Creating Sunkist was for my thesis project.” Normally Tommy would be more then willing to infodump about the topic but he found his energy to be draining fast.

“What the fuck, that’s cooler than mine was. Us nerds in the Theoretical Physics department didn’t do any crazy shit like that,” Gordon said.

“Bold of you to assume I was a nerd, G-Gordon. I was the craziest guy in the frat house,” Tommy said.

Gordon’s memory vaguely recalls Tommy’s insistence that he “do something crazy” when drinking Darnold’s Potion of Grow Gun Arm.

“You know what, yeah, surprisingly I can see that image vividly in my head,” Gordon said. “Real talk though…” he said changing the subject and putting his hand on Tommy’s shoulder, “Are you- uh, ok? Like feeling better?”

Tommy was quiet for a second, eyes flickering down to look at his fidgeting hands in his lap, before replying with, “I’m ok. N-not great, I don’t think, but I will be.”

Gordon nodded. “Tommy, if there’s one nugget of wisdom that I have to share, it’s that healing takes time, things usually turn out to be ok in the end. No matter what’s going on with Benrey…it'll be alright, I’m sure.” Gordon patted his shoulder for emphasis, “not the best advice out there but it’s the best I can come up with straight off the dome. And I don’t wanna seem like I didn’t try to help you out."

Tommy laughed gently, “Thank you Mr. Fr- uh, thank you Gordon. You did help. Even if- if your advice was a bit cheesy.”

“Whatever man, you can’t blame me for trying,” Gordon laughed, playfully shoving Tommy where his hand had previously rested on the other man’s shoulder. Tommy laughed in return. He only noticed the warmth of Gordon’s touch once it was gone.

Tommy absentmindedly noticed the time on the wall clock in Gordon’s apartment. Jesus, 11:30? When did it get so late? The older scientist really hoped he wasn’t overstaying his welcome; While he would love to just stay here and joke around, he had already bothered Mr. Freeman enough and was already exhausted.

“I- I’m probably gonna head back home now, I didn’t realize how late it was,” Tommy said, standing up from his spot next to Gordon.

Gordon nodded. He had the passing thought of offering for Tommy to stay but… maybe that was a step too far. ‘Tommy probably wants his space,’ Gordon rationalized to himself.

He nodded, “Alright, don’t let me keep you,” he said, getting up as well to help Tommy gather his belongings. Which, to be honest Tommy didn’t bring much but some snacks for the group, but Gordon just needed an excuse to do anything.

Gordon walked Tommy to the front door of his apartment, like the good host he was, opening the door for him.

“Thanks for coming over Tommy,” he said.

Tommy nodded. “Thank- thank you again for letting me talk about Benrey, I know it was kinda rough there at the end, but if you ever need to talk about anything… I'm here for you as well.”

Gordon smiled, “Thank you Tommy, I'll keep that in mind.”

Tommy smiled in return, “Have a good night G-Gordon,” he said turning to head to his car.

“Goodnight Tommy.” Gordon turns to head back inside, but before he does, he can’t resist one more jab.

“Thought you could teleport?” he calls out teasingly.

Tommy flips him off, which causes Gordon to laugh harder. “Gives me a headache,” Tommy called back, trying and failing keep a straight face.

Gordon laughs as he waves a final goodbye, turning back inside and closing the door after Tommy waves as well. His thoughts race as he gets ready for bed, trying to ignore his fluttering heartbeat as he lays down for the night.

Tommy shuffles his thoughts in his head as he drives home. The emotional rollercoaster of his already draining social interaction meter from the science team, his Benrey guilt, and his small crush on Gordon was just too much for one day. His hands clench and unclench the steering wheel, looking forward to collapsing in bed for the night, hoping his dad won’t notice he'd been crying.

Somewhere, in an interdimensional void far away from this reality, someone begins to shift awake.

#fanfic #hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #freelatta

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