#Oh my gods John

[hai-nae]

hey i finished it, and here's a tiny preview from one of the things that got (rightfully) flagged from like an hour ago. that is the fastest customer service ive ever received here, my post got flagged in under 5 minutes and my appeal got denied in under 30 minutes 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 all those spicy wips will have to be clipped way heavier and then posted on twitter ig 😂

how am i supposed to sleep knowing tumblr lets p*rn bots fly by, but my censored shit gets struck by lightening like zeus himself was waitin for my dumbass head to poke outta my burrow.

i cant stop giggling, this site is truly a mess 😂😂😂 edit; forgot i can edit, here's the twt link https://twitter.com/definedead1/status/1805276961347960996

[cryptid-cave]

Currently thinking about a reader who, while having a full-time job and playing the part of a “real adult” pretty well for the most part, is still kind of lost and pathetic. It feels less like they’re living and more like they’re surviving, getting by on their own with just a cat for company.

Enter John Price, who’s currently on medical leave and just itching for a project. Maybe reader works at a store near his home that he shops at almost every other day, or works at the library where he goes when he needs to get out of the house. Either way, he spots this pretty little thing who clearly needs some love and guidance, preferably from a strong, gentle hand - and who better to do that than him?

Anyways, save me bossy and demanding Price with a savior complex, save me

[potato-lord-but-not]

read United yesterday and it hasn’t left my brain since. It’s just full of these idiots and their pisspoor communication and excruciating pining for each other what’s not to love

[temeyes]

oh no,,, his hat,,,,,

[not-equippedforthis]

forever mourning how granada holmes never adapted the three garridebs. diabolical. unbelievable, even. 'if you had killed watson you would not have made it out of this room alive' but in brett's frightfully intense and low, biting, hissing voice. the violent, wild stare versus the gentle hand on watson's knee. all of that precarious control getting flung out the window. the humanity of it. gritting my teeth can you fucking imagine.

[captainswhore]

you see price sitting like this when you walk into a room post mission- and you know exactly what it is he needs.

he's licking at you and holding your thighs open with his rough palms- and you can't take it. his calluses and his beard and the fabric of his sleeves are rubbing at your legs just right- but not enough for you to lose focus on his hot tongue rubbing on you and in you and you've never been wetter in your LIFE.

his only problem? you're still moving too much. he can't reach where he wants to inside of you because you keep wiggling out of his way. his hands want to touch you everywhere- not just hold your thighs still. this is when he begins to squeeze at you everywhere, and tell you to rest your thighs on his shoulders.

"b-but price- hhnngh ohmygod- i c-can't. they're too big. thighs are too big"

you whine at the loss of contact, but then you look down and see him staring at you with massive pupils and a wet face. "lovie- my shoulders are broad for a reason. rest your thighs on em and i swear they'll have enough room"

and you listen, and you're crushing his ears with your thighs, and he's never been happier. the next time you look down? he's rutting into the mattress and you see his hips stutter when he groans into you and your vision goes white

(@chamomiletealeaf and i had SUCH A HORNY discussion about this and she told me to post it so here i am- and also omg photo creds to her. we've gotta reign it in lmfao)

[anyataylordelrey]

my insides are hurting

they make me so sad

how i miss them

[arthursfuckinghat]

Life goal complete :') 🫶

[hvcklebury]

i love getting a new account and reposting all my most embarrassing fanart

[mikonez]

I'm still alive and bring you jarthur!!

[xobloodletter]

the four corps[wo]men

[machveil]

I’m sorry, not to drop another asmr post but I— this screams John “Soap” MacTavish to me

imagine telling Johnny you got into asmr, whether to help you sleep, focus, relax, or just have some background noise, and Johnny nods along. he doesn’t really get it, but he’s happy you found something you enjoy. and then he does some research - if you tell Johnny you’re into something he will do his absolute best to understand it so he can talk about it with you

so, to your surprise, Johnny sends you a video. sends it right as you’re getting ready for bed, coincidence? no, Johnny binged hours worth of asmr to get a grasp on what it’s about - he went down the rabbit hold, articles, explanations, different types of audio and visual triggers. Johnny recorded nearly an hour of him making sounds and hand gestures at his phone for you. he sat on a dinky little stool, practically squatting, for nearly an hour just to record his best shot at asmr to help you calm down and ease into sleep

[sergeantwoods]

soap: *gets down on one knee* ghost: oh my god its happening soap: *falls over* ghost: the poisons finally kicking in

--

soap: am i going too far? gaz: no, no, no. you went too far about seven hours ago. now you're going to prison.

--

price: i have ten blank notebooks and i have no clue what to put in them. suggestions? soap: put spaghetti in it. price: im literally taking suggestions from anyone but you. gaz: put spaghetti in it. price: im currently taking suggestions from anyone but you two. ghost: put spaghetti in it. price: im no longer taking suggestions.

--

gaz: roach, i'm sad. roach: *holds out arms for a hug* its going to be okay. soap, watching them: ghost, im sad. ghost: mood

--

soap: you lying, cheating, piece of shit!! gaz: oh yeah? you're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD soap: im leaving you, and IM TAKING GHOST WITH ME price, picking up the monopoly board: i think we're going to stop playing now.

--

soap: is stabbing someone immoral? gaz: not if they consent to it. ghost: depends on who you're stabbing. price: YES?!? --

soap: self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys. price: no, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap! ghost: self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! self care is the fear in your enemies eyes !!!! gaz: lmao self care is me takin your birthday cake so i can just eat the frosting soap: if you touch my birthday cake i will eat your hands. -- soap: do you think you’d actually notice if someone didn’t cast a shadow? or if their limbs were just slightly too long? or if they had just a little too many teeth? like how many times have you passed something on the street and you just didn’t notice it? gaz: stay woke monsterfuckers ur love is out there!!! soap: you know what? that wasn't my point at all, but glad i could spread some inspiration.

[homestuck-archive]

BR8KING NEWS!!

SEVERAL old merch prints have returned! This is the first return of old Topatoco merch in ages? Could this mean something? Probably not.

[latenightsundayblues]

And in the final stretch of time just when nobody thought they'd do it BLUES COMES IN LIKE LIGHTNING TO DELIVER THEIR YEARLY LEGALLY MANDATED HALLOWEEN DRAWING AND TAKE THEIR 3 FOLLOWERS BY STOOORMMMMM

Theyre all having a little costume party at a hideout and nobody's dead and strahm's there too and everything's fine and ok and dandy and peaceful and lively on planet earth

Also strahm being a fucking buzzkill lmfao

[captainswhore]

thinking about price and his massive fuckin thighs....

riding his thigh and you're holding onto his shoulders and he's humping the leg that's slotted between his and holy fucking shit i just-

"c'mon, c'mon princess give it to me. can feel ya makin a wet patch on my pants- c'mon. make papa price proud and i'll use your thighs as earmuffs- hhngh ugh, c'mon!"

THAT'S what sends you over the edge- not the way the fabric catches on your clit- it's his dirty talk.

you don't comment on the new warm and wet patch on the crotch of his pants when he lays you down, but you do go up on your elbows before he smirks at you and his pupils blow out and he says "wasn't kiddin love- my ears are cold" and he winks