#Oh my God I had actual work I needed to do this week
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The Shape of Family ‧₊˚❀༉
As a single dad, Steve’s world revolves around school drop-offs, bedtime rituals, and tee-ball practices—and he's struggling to keep up. But you're always there, happily lending a hand when he needs it most. / masterlist
part three - you help steve and penelope look for cinderella 11k
a/n - this actually took me ages oh my god. but to those asking about cinderella here you go! CW lost pet (happy ending i promise)
── .✦
The clock hanging in the hall clicks annoyingly loud. Tick, tick, tick, like a bad song stuck in your head. You watch the minute hand cross another line. It hasn’t been adjusted since the time changed last week. Similarly, the calendar below it has yet to be flipped.
It’s November now, but more importantly, it’s Friday. It’s quickly cementing itself as your favorite day of the week. Friday’s mean lunch in Steve’s office and trading weekend plans and hearing about the kind of mischief Penelope’s been up to at home.
But it’s a quarter past eight and Steve hasn’t arrived yet. He’s never been late, or even absent since you started volunteering. It’s odd, but everyone has their days you suppose. Still, a dull twinge blooms in your chest. Working without him might as well be a form of punishment.
Someone had shoved a vacuum in your hands while they try and figure out if he’s coming. It’s boring work, not the kind Steve would give you. And when he has to give you boring work, he at least makes it fun. Turns most things into games or competitions. Like last week, he bet you any candy from the vending machine that he could sort donations faster than you. You bought him a Reeses, of course, but if anyone asks, you let him win on purpose.
You hear Steve before you see him. He’s not loud, but his voice is distinct against any others. By now, you could pick him from a crowd by voice alone. You find him in the threshold between his supervisor's office and the hall. He lingers halfway out, toying with the door handle like he can’t decide if he should go inside.
“Ah, look who finally decided to show up,” you overhear. “Was about to send a search party for you, Harrington.” The man cackles at his own joke, tone devoid of any edge.
Steve laughs strangely. A laugh you aren’t sure you’ve ever heard from him before. He spills a string of apologies for his tardiness, but his boss waves him off and sends him to work.
When he backpedals out of the doorway, you chide, “Tsk. Tsk. You’re late, Harrington.”
Steve spooks easily. He hates to admit it but it makes him an easy target for office pranks which you do take full advantage of now that you’re friends. But you aren’t even trying to scare him this time.
He visibly tenses at your voice, eyes snapping to yours. They’re as intense as you’ve ever seen the lovely shade of brown, yet dulled with the toll of exhaustion. The next thing you notice is his hair. It’s combed back behind his ears and by the looks of it has no product.
“Hey,” he tries, stopping halfway to clear his throat.
As if his appearance isn’t alarming enough, the lack of a comeback is triple worrisome. You try– and fail– to contain your concern. “What happened?”
He deflates in one big sigh. Any attempt at a facade vanished. It’s impossible to lie to you when you look so concerned.
“I’m the worst dad ever,” he declares, skimming your arm as he sidesteps past you.
You catch up to his long stride with practiced eloquence. “Uh-oh. What’d you do?”
“Cinderella’s gone missing.”
“Missing?”
He nods.
“But she’s an outside cat, right? She’s probably, I dunno, chasing birds or slumped over a can of tuna at a neighbor's house.”
Steve bites the inside of his cheek. “It’s been four days. Four. She’s usually around at least once a day, if not, every other. I can’t even remember the last time–”
“Wait, wait. This makes you the worst dad, how exactly?”
He forces his key into the lock of his office door, jostling the handle in frustration. “Because Penelope’s begged me since forever to let her be an inside cat and I always say no. She wouldn’t have got lost if she was inside.”
You flick on the light and hum, understanding more than agreeing. “Don’t take this the wrong way, Steve, but I think you’re exaggerating.”
He plants his bag on the desk and unzips it. “This is serious. She loves that cat more than me, I swear.”
“Okay, first of all, not true. Second of all, this is serious and it sucks but it doesn’t make you a bad dad. You know that right?”
“Besides the point,” he passes you a heavy pile of paper. “Will you help me hang these up?”
You don’t answer because you don’t need to. He already knows you’ll say yes.
Black ink across the top page reads, “MISSING CAT”. There are two patchy images of Cinderella, one of which you’ve never seen and the other underexposed beyond recognition. Steve’s name, phone number, and address are listed at the bottom too. You flick through the stack, finding each version of Cinderella has been coated in a thick layer of brown crayon.
“Penelope insisted on coloring all of them so people know what color she is.”
Steve doesn’t have time for the pity party of a look you show him. If you cry, he’ll cry. And he’s cried enough in the last few days.
You accompany Steve to the bulletin board outside his office. Unspokenly, you accept the very important job of paper-passer while he’s in charge of the stapler.
“Thanks,” he says flatly, thumb catching on yours as he takes the page you’re holding out.
“Don’t worry, Steve. She’ll come home. Cats just like their space sometimes.” You aren’t totally sure if that’s true about cats, but it sounds like the right thing to say.
He mutters something under his breath. Not mean, just doubtful.
It’s unusual to be the one filling the conversation. Steve’s good at talking, a Chatty Cathy as he often calls Penelope. But you try your best to fill his shoes.
“How’s Penelope dealing with it?”
“Awfully.” He chuckles dryly. “She’s on strike for just about everything right now. Refused to go to sleep, refused to eat breakfast, refused to get in the car this morning.”
You nod and hand him another sheet.
“I’d bet by lunch I’ll have to go pick her up. She was hysterical at drop-off.”
“I’m sorry, Steve.” You have a funny urge to tack on something other than his name. Dummy or boss are typical but ill-fitting. And honey or sweetheart would probably cross a line, though, they’re nice to consider.
He sighs, kneading his eye sockets. “I’m sorry. I’m being… I know you’re trying to help.”
“You’re allowed to feel frustrated you know.”
“I know. You’re just– thanks.”
“I’m banning that word from our conversations. You say it too much,” you tease.
He gives you a look, neither happy nor sad. “Cause you’re always helping me, dummy.”
You grin, largely at the nickname.
Every board in the building is covered with posters and every person is notified of Cinderella’s disappearance in half the time it would normally take you and Steve. He’s not in any rush, just in his head. And after that, you dissolve into separate work, never far but still apart.
By noon Steve’s on his third cup of coffee. But no amount of caffeine or sugar will erase the heavy bags under his eyes. Finding Cinderella might be the only cure.
So there’s no debate in your mind when you offer, “I can come over and help look tonight?”
Steve holds a finger up, gaze trained on an address book with his phone clamped between his ear and shoulder. “Hi, Miss Crawford?” He pushes the bridge of his glasses further up his nose. It’s rare that he wears them in front of you. Cute, nonetheless. “Yes, it’s Steve,” he says.
There’s high-pitched rambling on the other end, not clear enough to discern anything other than an old-timey affection for Steve. You aren’t sure of the nature of Steve’s relationship with the woman, but he appears equally fond, even through the somber hues of his story.
She offers no valuable insight as to Cinderella’s whereabouts but promises to keep an eye out, making her… strike seven. Steve’s determined to phone every person he knows and then every local in the phone book in the span of his thirty-minute lunch break. You joked about stealing his office neighbor’s phone to help, but Steve insisted you didn’t.
When he docks the receiver you repeat yourself.
“Sorry. You really don’t have to.”
“I know, but I can… If you want. It’s up to you.”
“I– okay,” he sighs. “Only if you really don’t mind. It would be really helpful honestly.”
“After work then?”
“Uhh, sure. I just have to pick up Penelope when I get off.”
“Sounds good.” You grin and stir your food idly with a fork. It eventually goes cold in your lap. You’re more preoccupied with what you’ll wear tonight and what to bring Penelope to cheer her up. Candy’s probably your best bet. You know she’s already run out of Skittles from Halloween.
Steve’s lips twitch happily as he dials another number.
That’s about the happiest you see him. The rest of the day is a blur, mostly busywork as Steve is consistently ushered away by someone for something not even in his job description. For the first time possibly ever, he leaves on time. And he doesn’t say goodbye. He’s clearly having an awful day so you pretend it doesn’t sting, but the walk to your car is painfully silent.
At home, you change quickly, pop something frozen in the microwave, and retrace your steps back to the car in record time. The drive to Steve’s is unfortunately not very long. It doesn’t give you much time to mull over every possible scenario like your brain desires. But you’ll survive.
It still feels unfamiliar, pulling into his driveway. Less so than the first time, but still. You notice things you hadn’t before. The long crack like lightning in the pavement, the tinkle of a wind chime against the breeze, and the stepping stone with a ‘P’ carved in it. Halloween was the last time you were here. A couple of weeks has never felt like such a lifetime. Steve’s been busy parenting and working late and all. You don’t blame him. Sometimes you wonder how he ever made time for you in the first place with his schedule.
On the front steps, Penelope plucks a weed and adds it to her bouquet. Her cheek is squished against the top of her knee and she’s curled over herself like a pillbug. Brown eyes flick up as you near. One blink, then two. The epitome of indifference.
“Hi, Penelope.”
“Hi,” she says. She sounds uncharacteristically small. And she is small, but her voice is anything but. You know her to be bold, unapologetic. But not today.
You squat, toe to toe with her little Mary Janes, and wave a pack of Skittles. “Look what I brought,” you sing.
The slightest lift of her frown before she restores the pout for good. “For me?”
“All for you.”
She takes the candy and tucks it under her arm.
“Wanna help me look for your dad?”
It’s not a bribe, though her presence does tend to balm your Steve-induced nerves. So you are a little disappointed when she shakes her head. But disappointment wanes into sympathy and sympathy to determination. Determination to help her find Cinderella as soon as possible.
You palm her shoulder as you stand. The front door is ajar, the breeze eating any warmth in the foyer. It’s eerily quiet inside.
“Steve?”
“One second!” he calls back, muffled from upstairs.
The entryway is messier than you remember it. Shoes in a jumbled heap behind the door, Steve’s unzipped backpack slumped against the baseboards, and winter gloves and hats knocked haphazardly onto the tile. You bend to pick up a knit beanie as Steve hurdles down the stairs.
He struggles to squeeze into a raincoat over the thick sweater he wore to work. “Hey,” he smiles softly, gaze sweeping across your clothes. “Thanks for coming.”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Do you want a heavier coat? Radio said it’s supposed to storm tonight.”
“Oh,” you peer down at your denim jacket. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”
Steve tilts his head, passing you a bundle of crumpled pink cloth. “Give this to Penelope? I’ll grab you one.” He doesn’t allow you to argue before turning around, but he stops halfway up the stairs, leaning over the railing to say, “Tell her to grab her boots too.”
You find the boots in the pile by the door and bring them to Penelope outside. She stares at you helplessly with one shoe halfway on the wrong foot.
“Need help?”
“Yes please.”
You take her ankle and prop her foot against yours. It takes a few tries and lots of wiggling but you slide the boot on and lace the purple strings all the way up. The second round is easier but you still wonder whether kids shoes are supposed to be this difficult.
The door groans behind you and a warm hand cups your shoulder. “Did you eat?” Steve asks. “I can make you something before we go.”
You rise to face him. The sky’s overcast, muting his tan complexion, making him look even more spent than he had earlier. “I ate. But thank you,” you smile, hoping to encourage one back.
He doesn’t but he unfolds the coat he’s carrying, shaking the arms free so it’s easier for you to slip on. “See if this fits.”
It’s not your typical size, but the extra weight is nice. Traces of pine and juniper linger, like it’s been taken on a hike recently. And you’re instantly warmer, a comfort that extends beyond the garment alone.
“Nice,” he nods, taking it upon himself to even out the hood strings for you. His fingernail skips across the zipper teeth and for a second, you think he’ll zip it up too.
“Daddy, are we going now?”
Steve spins on his heel, shuffling for his keys at the door. “Yes, baby. What did we talk about?”
Penelope kicks a load of gravel into the grass. “Ummm, I dunno.”
“No running off. If I can’t see you, we go home. Capeesh?”
When he jogs down the steps to her side, she sighs. “Capeesh.”
“Ready?” He pats her head, “Got your detective hat on?”
She peers up then, a flush of fresh purpose, and nods.
“Alright, Detective. Let’s roll.”
Steve’s yard is embraced by dense woods on every side but the road. He leads you to the tree line where a trail has been carved smooth with frequent use. Bark stretches tall and needle branches weave a canopy of orange above.
“Katie said I need to think more like a cat.” Penelope cranes her head up, “Do you think Cinderella went in the trees?”
“Maybe,” Steve mumbles, focused on jamming his nail under the metal tab of a can of cat food.
“So maybe I should climb up to check?”
“Not these ones, babe. Too tall.”
“But what if she’s in one? Like, a really, really tall one.”
“I think she’d pick a shorter one so she could get down,” you supply. “It would probably hurt her nails going all the way up there too.”
She hums. You drift into a steady rhythm of whistling and calling Cinderella’s name. Penelope waves a toy ball with a little bell inside while you rattle the jar of treats.
Penelope orbits off course slowly and when she hops out of sight Steve calls, “What did I say Nell?”
“No running away!”
He shakes his head at you, “This kid’ll be the death of me, I swear.”
You grin, turning back to him when you spot Penelope. Steve has a lovely side profile. You try to memorize the shape without tripping over any twigs as you walk. “How was she at school?”
“Sad, they said. She cried at nap. Refused to sleep at all.”
You coo.
“But she ate all her lunch, so that’s good.”
You hum in agreement.
Penelope crouches to examine the inside of a log. Her pigtails flip as she tips her head upside down.
“Did you find something?” you ask.
Penelope pulls something dark out, a dopey smile rounding her cheeks. “A slug.”
Steve scrunches his nose but quickly slackens it in a poor attempt to conceal his disgust. Thankfully, you don’t have to be a good actor to fool a four-year-old. “Nice, honey.”
“I think he’s dead.”
“Why don’t you put him back? He’s probably hibernating.”
“Hiding? Why?”
“No, hi-ber-nat-ing. It’s when the animals go to sleep during the winter.”
She squints, “For the whole winter?”
“Yeah, think so.”
“How do they do that?”
“Umm, I don’t know.” Steve glances at you for help but you only shrug. “They just do.”
One of the joys of parenthood you’ve discovered through Penelope is the plethora of questions that you have absolutely no idea how to answer.
Penelope replants the slug in its home, making a point to clarify, “Cinderella wasn’t in there.”
The trail dips steadily downward, covered with a mess of broken branches, scattered pinecones, and crunchy leaves that crackle beneath your feet. Steve’s leading the way, rambling about something or other and you’d swear you’re listening if he asked. But truthfully, your eyes trace the fit of his jeans shamelessly. He has a nice ass, it’s hard not to notice!
Your foot snags on something hard– a root, a branch, you aren’t totally sure– and it all happens so fast. You yelp and pitch forward, knees and hands slamming into the dirt with the full force of your weight.
Steve whirls around and assesses the damage, quickly determines there are no injuries severe enough to warrant a hospital visit, and then he fucking cackles.
You scoff, burying your own amusement as Penelope mimics him. Some example Dad is setting. At least he offers to help you up, Penelope just watches your embarrassment unfold.
“Don’t laugh!” You yank his hand, harsh enough that he stumbles forward onto your toe. “Ow– Steve!”
“That’s what you get!” He hauls you up, grip faltering with each peel of laughter.
You twist around yourself, sweeping your backside. “Do I have leaves on my butt?”
He looks for as long as he deems appropriate which is not very long at all. “Just dirt and a ton of bugs.”
“Shut up,” you smack his bicep.
Penelope points, “That is not nice!”
“Yeah, keep your hands to yourself,” Steve teases.
You trap a retort behind clenched teeth and look to Penelope. “Sorry.”
“Uhh. You’re supposed to apologize to me.”
You skip past him to Penelope’s side. “I’m helping Penelope look right now. Maybe later.”
Steve knows you won’t see it but he hopes you feel him sticking up his middle finger.
Penelope trudges along, the corners of her mouth drawn tight in quiet sadness. She fills the silence before you find the words.
“Do you think she’ll come home?” she asks earnestly.
“I do, Pen. I think she’s probably just hiding.”
“Like hide and seek?”
“Yeah.”
She considers your words carefully. “But why?”
“I dunno. Cats are just silly like that.”
She smiles. “Like dinosaurs?”
You smile back. “Exactly.”
The trees taper off, merging with the cracked sidewalk lining a cul de sac. Penelope’s ponytails are swept off her shoulders as a car whizzes by.
You cuff her smaller fingers in your own just as Steve tells her to hold someone’s hand.
He stops at her other side, surveying the neighborhood. It’s the type you’d imagine families live in. Basketball hoops, sidewalk chalk, bikes thrown against the lawns.
“I’m gonna go talk to some neighbors. Will you hang some posters?” Steve asks you. “We should hurry. I think it’s going to rain soon.”
“Can I go?”
Steve’s eyes trail from Penelope back up to you curiously.
“Yeah, I’ve got her.” You squeeze her hand, reassuring yourself more than anyone.
“Okay. Penelope, be a good listener. Don’t go on the road by yourself. I’ll be just over there.” He points to a house with yellow siding and starts across the road.
You turn Penelope by the shoulders and unzip her bag, taking the stapler in one hand and the stack of paper in the other.
“Can you carry these?” you ask, thrusting the posters toward her.
You straighten out the stapler and pick a sheet off the top before she braces them against her chest. “You know, this reminds me of when we first met.”
“Because I helped you hang up stuff?”
“Mhmm.” You line the page up against a tree, nailing each corner to be sure it sticks.
Eventually, you're passed a different poster, a painting. It’s a charming tangle of shapes and a riot of brown and orange. At the top, "MISSING" is written with two backward S’s in a crooked slope.
“Did you paint this?”
“Yes, at school.”
“Wow. Did you write this too?”
“Yep. My teacher helped me.”
“Very good!” You tack it to a telephone pole and pivot to face her, brimming with pride.
She’s not nearly as happy as you are about it. Her lips thin as she stares at her work and she hesitates before asking,“Do you think we’re bad detectives?”
Your chest aches so sudden and fierce like you’ve been punched. You crouch, rubbing the soft fleece at her elbow. “No. No, honey. We aren’t bad detectives. Detective work just takes time. We have a lot of ground to cover.”
Her frown wobbles, lashes shining. “It’s taking so long,” she whines.
“I know, Pen. Cinderella didn’t leave us many clues, huh?” You swipe a tear before it reaches her mouth. You want to promise her that Cinderella will come home but your gut won’t let you. You don’t know if she really will. “Let’s go check on your Dad. See if the neighbors have seen her. Hmm?”
She nods and you give her your best loving squeeze.
Steve’s halfway up the steps of someone’s porch, mid-conversation with a young woman. Her frown deepens as you and Penelope approach, unlike the baby on her hip who smiles at you.
Steve glances over before continuing. “Well, please call, if you do happen to see her.”
“Absolutely. I hope you find her.”
“Thanks,” he waves, descending the stairs to stand beside you.
“No luck?” you ask, peering up at the clouds. They’re getting moodier by the minute and it’s started to sprinkle.
His hand settles around Penelope’s skull like a claw, he shakes her frown away but not easily. “Not yet. We’ll keep looking.”
Penelope walks a few feet ahead of you and Steve. Every few mailboxes you and Steve stick another poster up. Penelope doesn’t stop to wait, but she’s thorough in her searching, checking under cars and in drain pipes. Enough to even out the distance that grows each turn.
You’re faced away, unclogging the jam in the stapler when Penelope gasps.
“Nell! Wait!” Steve shouts as you turn. By then she’s already halfway up someone’s lawn.
Steve jogs after her and you jog after Steve. Penelope’s made it to the sideyard when you catch up, stretching onto tiptoes and squinting through a rotted hole in the fence.
“Penelope,” Steve sighs.
“I saw her Daddy! She jumped over the fence!”
“Are you sure?” His hand curls over the top of the fence but his eyes can’t reach.
“Yes, I promise! We have to go over!”
He scrapes through his hair, judging the wood planks. They’re at least a head taller than Steve, but there’s a thin lip dividing each in half. If he angles his foot right, he could use it to boost himself over.
He shakes his head. He might've hopped a fence or two as a teenager, but he's grown now. “We have to ask. It’s someone’s yard.”
Penelope wails, yanking his arm repeatedly. “No! Daddy! What if she’s gone? We have to hurry!”
“Just go,” you wave, already backing up toward the house. “I’ll go knock. See if they’re home.”
Steve winces at himself for what he’s about to do. But one glance at Penelope’s worried little face is all the courage he needs. He tests his grip, the sole of a shoe scraping wood for a scary second before catching on the trim. With one leg on either side, he pauses to look at Penelope. “Stay there,” he says, before leaping into the grass.
He scans the backyard. There’s a swing set, a raised garden bed, a kiddie pool, and lots and lots of toys. It reminds him of his own yard. Steve takes a handful of hesitant steps, gaze flicking across each window for any horrified faces. He’s thankful not to see any.
Then, a meow—faint, but unmistakable. His heart lurches, his head whipping up to the nearest tree even faster. His eyes comb through branch after branch, then again when he comes up empty. But a second meow and he’s never been more sure. He wedges his heel into a groove, hugging the trunk for balance. His nails dig uncomfortably into the bark as he pulls himself up.
And there! Right where he swears he looked, a strip of golden-orange fur, blending seamlessly with the leaves… Except, Cinderella isn’t orange, she’s brown. Steve’s shoe slips, sending his chin hard into a thick branch on his way to the ground. The cat hisses equally if not more upset than Steve about the situation. He groans, glaring at the tree as he picks himself up.
“Did you find her? Was it her?” Penelope yells, still peeping through the hole in the fence.
Steve waits until he vaults back over to answer. “No, princess. Not her.”
“Your chin,” you point out, but your words are eaten by Penelope’s shouting.
“It was her! I know it was! I saw!”
“It wasn’t, Nell. Promise. That cat was orange.”
“But it was! I saw her!” Penelope crumbles into hysterics, batting her fists against Steve’s thighs like they’re punching bags.
Steve scoops her up, clamping her arms between their chests.
“Daddy, we have to go back! I saw her!” Several gasps slice through her sentence and tears pour down her face in even streams.
Steve shushes her gently, fanning her hood across her head as it starts to rain. You follow him up to the road and then down the street. Penelope’s relentless, squirming and screaming in his ear. It’s the first of her temper tantrums you’ve seen in person, though you’ve heard plenty about them, and you caught the beginning of one once through the phone. Steve’s more composed than you thought possible, waiting patiently until her sobs have dwindled into teary hiccups to set her down.
“It’s not nice to hit. Even when we’re mad, you know that.”
She glares at him, more serious than you’ve ever seen.
“Are you ready to go home?”
Penelope’s face starts to wilt. She nearly cries again.
“It’s too rainy. We have to go home soon or we’ll get sick.”
“Five more minutes,” she begs.
“Okay.” He buttons her coat up to her chin. “Are you tired?”
She shakes her head, though her eyes say otherwise.
“Do you want me to carry you?”
Penelope thinks long and hard. It’s a trick question. Of course she wants to be carried but God forbid Steve finds out she’s tired.
He picks her up anyway. “You can still look from up here.”
Penelope hooks her chin over his shoulder, cheek tipping to kiss the pad of his jacket. So much worry and too many days of poor sleep etched into each flap of her lashes. She looks utterly exhausted. And she really tries to stay awake– she needs to find Cinderella– but she lost that battle before it even started. The hiss of rain and the warm swing of Steve’s embrace send her straight to dreamland.
Steve feels her arms slacken and slide down his back. He chances a glimpse at you to ask what he already knows but can’t. Not when you’re already watching Penelope with a type of love he believed was his alone to give.
Alarm pulses when he registers the weight of your stare has shifted to him. The same velvet endearment skips across every feature on your face. It’s lovely and adorable but it terrifies the hell out of Steve.
His cheeks burn and he smiles like a madman. He can’t help it. It sticks long after his eyes dart away.
You drift into a comfortable quiet. The spray of rain is like white noise, making even you drowsy. Maybe Steve could carry you back too. It’s an amusing idea, enough to make you grin to yourself. You’re glad he doesn’t notice. He couldn't torture that information out of you.
Halfway home, you hit a particularly steep incline in the forest, slick with the beginning sludge of mud.
“Here,” Steve calls, boosting Penelope higher up his chest before casting his arm at you.
You accept his hand, grateful for more reasons than one, and trace the wet shoeprints he leaves behind with your own. It’s a slow journey. Steve strains with the added weight on his front, but he doesn’t let go of you until you reach the top of the hill.
You cross the threshold back into Steve’s yard as a bout of thunder splits the sky above. Penelope shakes awake and peels herself off Steve. She blinks unhappily, cheeks stamped with red lines mirroring his coat folds.
“It’s okay,” he soothes, fixing her hood after it falls.
“Cinderella,” she whimpers.
“We’ll look again tomorrow.”
She sniffles, voice so frail, hollow with sleep. “No. I–”
Another wave of thunder startles her to panicked tears. Steve picks up the pace to the front door, shuffling through his pocket for the keys. He’s well-versed in unlocking the door one-handed– between groceries, backpacks, Penelope– he always has something to carry. But he’s thankful when you take the keys and do it for him.
You scoot inside last, joining the choir of shoe squealing on the tile.
Steve sets Penelope on the floor and kneels to unlace her boots. She wrestles with her coat zipper until Steve intervenes with much gentler hands.
“We looked really good while you were asleep,” you promise while shedding your own coat.
Her miserable expression doesn’t falter.
Steve smears her tear tracks one cheek at a time. “Stay for a bit? Until the storm passes.”
You bend to collect Penelope’s coat off the floor and hang it next to yours. “Okay,” you say when you realize his words were directed at you.
“I’m gonna give her a quick bath. Do you need anything? Water? Towel?”
“Oh, no. I’m good. Thanks.”
“Okay. We’ll be upstairs. Please, help yourself to whatever. Seriously.”
When Steve disappears from view, you mosey into the living room, searching for something to keep your hands busy. And it’s not hard to find. There’s a pile of laundry that looks like it’s been trampled through more than a few times. Clothes stretch from one end of the couch to the other. You push them into a pile and get comfortable, folding each item with more care than you would your own.
Four neat stacks later and Steve spots you from the stairs. “Please don’t do that,” he says.
You clear your smirk as he nears. “Do what?”
“You know what,” he snatches a sock from your grasp. It’s one of his, longer and duller than the others. “Sorry, I know it’s a mess.”
“You know I don’t care, Steve.”
He gazes down at you in pretend petulance. “Well, I do.” With a dramatic flick of his finger, he sends the sock sailing back into the hamper on the floor.
“If it makes you feel better, I have a pile of clothes covering half my bed right now.”
“Mmm. It doesn’t,” he decides. “But I came down because Penelope’s very kindly requested that you come read to her before she goes to bed. If you want to.”
“Of course I want to.” Your lips bend into a funny little line, happy and curious and doubtful all dressed in one. “She really asked for me?”
“Yeah,” he says in the same cadence he would duh. He offers his palm, drags you up easily. “Why’s that so hard to believe?”
“I dunno.” A toothy smile slips onto your face before you can stop it. But your lips close as soon as you stand, pressed closer to him than you expected to be.
“Sorry,” he chuckles, breaking away. “Come on.”
He seemed nervous– the way he laughed, how his hands retracted like he was burned– but maybe you’re overthinking it. You forget about the interaction by the time you reach Penelope’s room.
Several books are fanned around Penelope where she stands, like fallen petals from the stem of a flower. Her shelf has been mostly stripped. What isn’t on the floor has been scooped into a flimsy stack in her arms.
Steve knocks on the door frame, “Ready?”
Penelope turns and two books slide off the top of her tower. You can’t see her mouth but you can tell by her eyes that there’s a smile behind that copy of Goodnight Moon.
“You can pick three, missy,” he says.
“Five?”
“Four.”
“Four and a half?”
“Three.”
“No,” she giggles, definitely delirious. “Four.”
“Okay.” He kneels at her feet, reshelving unchosen books two or three at a time.
It’s not an easy decision, but Penelope decides on her four and promptly thrusts them into your hands. You follow her to bed where she packs herself against the wall, politely leaving the rest of the twin mattress for you.
“Wait!” she shouts when you open the first book, “The lights!”
“I’m working on it,” Steve grumbles, standing to flip the light switch by the door. The room is swallowed in black apart from the nightlight glowing to life across the room.
Penelope stretches across you to snatch something off her nightstand. A flashlight, you realize, as she clicks the switch. She trains the light on the page and beams at you with equal vibrance.
The first story is the shortest and the second not much longer, but the third takes time. Time you get to notice the heat of her breath as she yawns into your arm and time to appreciate the weight of her head limp against your shoulder.
You don’t have to look up to know Steve is still tidying. Every second counts when you’re a single parent. But you steal a glance in between each page anyway. Find him chucking clothes in the hamper and dumping an armload of stuffed animals onto the foot of the bed. They’ll be kicked to the floor by morning and yet he straightens them up anyhow.
He concludes his rounds by the final pages of the fourth book, taking a seat on the floor just in time to hear you whisper, “The end.”
Penelope bats her dark eyes up at you. She knows you’ll say yes before she even asks. “One more?”
“No,” Steve interjects. “No more tonight, babe.”
“Pleaseee!”
“No, you already hustled me into four. We usually only read two.”
“Pretty please!” she adds, puppy dog eyes bouncing from Steve to you.
Oh the cruelty. To defy Steve or disappoint Penelope. Both are terrible choices but only one of the pair currently has a heartbreaking little pout.
“I’ll read one more really really short book if you promise to go to sleep after?”
Her head bobs eagerly as she kicks the blankets off, springing to her feet.
Steve’s head flops against the sheets, hair like satin ribbons shining from root to end. You consider if it’s as soft as you assume and if you’ll ever have the chance to find out.
“Supposed to be on my side,” he whispers through a gooey grin.
“Am I?”
He tuts, craning up to find Penelope. “Don’t take all of those back out. I just cleaned them up.”
She exchanges the two in her hand for a thick chapter book.
“No ma’am,” Steve says as she turns. “Short one, ‘member?”
Penelope huffs and lugs herself back to the bookcase. She plucks a thinner paperback and uses Steve’s calf as a stool to launch herself back in bed. He doesn’t complain but he pinches her side in revenge.
The book mirrors the length of tonight’s first, yet it takes double the time for your own selfish reasons. You linger on each word, emphasize each sound, and savor every second. Penelope is nestled against your hip as you read the final sentence, sleepy and oblivious that you’ve turned the last page.
Steve pulls himself up to perch on the edge of the bed, mindful not to sit on anyone’s legs. He runs the back of his hand across her face, giving her nose an extra tap. Enough times and it’ll put her to sleep.
“Can you say thanks, Nell? And goodnight.”
She squirms away from his touch, pushing into your thigh. “I don’t wanna go to sleep.”
“Pen, remember our deal.” You squeeze her shoulder gently. “You promised, hmm?”
You swallow the urge to smile when she juts her lip out and frowns. The drama never ends with this one but you love it.
“Goodnight,” you whisper. Your hand glides over the shape of her arm beneath the blanket. “I had fun reading to you.”
She avoids your gaze, picking a loose string from her blanket. If she sees you grinning, she’ll end up grinning too. She can’t have that, she’s protesting. “Night.”
Steve shakes his head dismissively at you, grinning fondly himself. “I’ll be down in a second,” he explains.
You stand, slotting the book back in its home on the shelf and steal one last glimpse of them on your way out. A trail of nightlights guides you to the stairs like beacons. You end up in the kitchen, hands braced on the sink, eyes drifting around the backyard through the window.
There’s a patio with chairs and string lights. In the grass, a trampoline, a sandbox, and a toddler-sized picnic bench, all draped in purple moonlight and sparkling with rain. It’s easy to imagine life here. Birthday parties and cookouts and lazy Sunday afternoons.
The swish of sock against tile knocks you from the fantasy. You locate Steve’s reflection in the glass.
“You better not be doing my dishes.”
Your lips flex instinctually at his voice. “I thought about it.”
He leans back against the counter, hip a hand’s width from yours. Strips of hair sag across his forehead like a botched set of bangs. Your height difference and the angle only accentuate how silly he looks.
“What?” Steve smiles.
You huff through your own. “Nothin’.”
“Why are you laughing then?”
“I’m not. Just…” you reach for his face but the courage fades halfway. You wave obtusely instead. “This hair,” you finish.
He flattens the piece down, then another, combing more and more over his face like a real pair of bangs until the ends graze the ball of his nose. “What? You don’t like it?”
“Oh, it’s awful, Steve. Put it back.”
“I dunno. Thinking of changing it up anyway.”
You shake your head, peeling your eyes away from him. “Stupid.”
Stupidly gorgeous, you decide. He’s a mess, no doubt; rumpled and sweaty, and still, stupidly, impossibly gorgeous.
He rakes his hair back where it belongs, “You’re too good to me, you know.”
“You’re so dramatic.” Your gaze remains on the window but you watch Steve in your peripherals. “I’m the perfect amount of good to you.”
“Well, agree to disagree. But, thank you for coming over to help look. Really I–”
You face him fully then. “Steve, you don’t have to thank me.”
“No, I do. Really, you’re… you’re great and it’s been nice, you know, having help. Even just having company. It hasn't been easy making friends the last few years.”
Your brain stalls at his choice of words. You spout the first thing that comes to mind. “That’s what friends are for, right?” The words sting like acid on your tongue but you smile anyway. You’re pretty sure your heart just split itself in half on the way to the friend zone.
He hums, pushing off the counter toward the fridge. “Let me return the favor, please. I’ll make you whatever you want. Spaghetti, PB ‘n J, uhh, pre-packaged salad?”
“I’m good, Steve. I ate earlier. And you don’t need to return the favor.”
He sets a jar of jelly on the counter. “Your loss. Penelope says I make the best PB ‘n J’s.”
“Oh, I’m sure you do.”
You settle at the kitchen table and watch him work unapologetically. His focus is entirely on a one-sided debate about the perfect peanut butter-to-jelly ratio, leaving him oblivious to your ogling.
He plops down in the chair across from yours when he’s finished. “Sure you don’t want some? You can have half of mine.”
“Steve.”
“Okay,” he sings and takes a bite.
You watch the slow drip of water from the eaves. The rain has subsided enough that you could go, but neither of you suggest it. Your mind is elsewhere. Stuck on friends.
“Hello? Anybody home?” Steve chuckles when you blink back to reality. “Did you hear me? I was–”
The trill of the phone interrupts.
“I’m holding my thought. Don’t go anywhere.” Steve abandons his sandwich and crosses the room, pulling the phone from the counter. “Hello?... Uh-huh… Yes, yes.”
The sudden shift in his tone catches your attention. He sounds borderline ecstatic.
“Okay. I’ll be right over. Thank you!”
“Who was it?” you ask.
He snaps the receiver back into place. “A neighbor saw her just now.”
“Really?”
“Yes! Well, they’re pretty sure it’s her. It sounded like her, how they described. Are you able to stay here while I go check? I don’t wanna wake Penelope up.”
You don’t even think about it when you insist, “Of course. Go!”
“I’ll be right back. Thank you!” He squeezes your shoulder and jogs out of the kitchen. The sound of jangling keys fades with the closing of the front door and before you’ve processed it, you’re alone in Steve’s house.
It’s a strange thing, being in Steve’s house without Steve. You’re not technically alone, Penelope is still tucked in bed upstairs, of course. But the silence is thick, suffocating even. So you’re admittedly glad when you hear tiny footsteps from upstairs.
On the bottom step, Penelope freezes and her hand tightens around the railing, not expecting you to be there. “Where’s Daddy?” she mewls at you, bottom lip quivering against her words.
“It’s okay. He went out to look some more, that’s all.”
“I want Daddy,” she whines, breath hitching in between words.
“He’ll be right back, sweetheart. I promise.”
A sob wracks her chest, tears escaping as she scrunches her eyes. Sniffles cut through a mush of sounds, woven between them, she pleads, “When?”
“Oh, honey. Come here.” You hoist her up against your chest instinctually. It feels like the right thing to do, and it must be– her arms wind underneath yours like puzzle pieces. “Real soon,” you reassure.
You hope so anyway. Half for Penelope’s sake and half for yours. You’re afraid to overstep, to parent her in a way Steve wouldn’t approve of. You feel the echoes of his constant self-doubt in your own mind. But you’ll try your best until he returns.
Penelope’s not heavy, but it is the first time you’ve carried another human down a set of stairs. It’s a slow descent with lots of maneuvering and readjusting limbs so you can see the steps ahead but she doesn’t seem to mind. By the time you make it to the sectional, your arms burn. Still, you’d do it ten times over just so she doesn’t have to walk herself.
She sweeps her runny nose across your sleeve and her knee digs uncomfortably into your ribcage but you can’t find it in yourself to mind. She feels safe enough with you to do so. It’s a compliment more than anything. And the weight of her head against you is a type of soothing you don’t think you’ll ever get used to.
Your fingertips trace the shape of her shoulder blades through her nightgown. “Did you have a bad dream?” you whisper.
She draws similar lazy patterns on your arm, pausing to hum yes.
You hum back. “‘M sorry, Pen. Wanna talk about it? Might help.”
She shakes her head, the slightest movement against your collar.
“Okay, I got you. Don’t have to worry,” you whisper and pat her head. “I won’t let any more bad dreams get in here.”
Steve’s gone long enough to fuel your nerves and keep your mind buzzing, though your eyes beg for the sweet release of sleep. Penelope’s not helping, like a warm, weighted blanket on your chest. She’s barely awake herself when he arrives, but you’re surprised she’s awake at all. You aren’t sure what time it is but it’s definitely late.
Two clicks from the front door’s lock and a Steve-shaped shadow slides inside. He’s being particularly quiet, like when tries to sneak up on you at the rec center. Like a ninja, he always says.
Penelope’s head shoots up to peer over the couch. “Daddy?”
Steve stops in his tracks, but his head snaps in your direction. When his eyes confirm his ears he starts toward the couch, waiting until he can sit to coo, “Hey, baby. Hey.” A hand scoops a piece of hair behind her ear. “What are you doing up sleepyhead?”
Penelope splinters off of your chest but remains situated on your thighs. She offers several half-lidded blinks to Steve. “You didn’t find her?”
He melts like her eyes are made of sunbeams, reaching up to thumb sleep from under her lashes. “No, baby. Someone thought they did but it wasn’t her. I went to make sure.”
“Oh,” she says, not sad, just tired. Penelope slowly leans over to him like a bridge, wrapping her arms around his neck as he tows her into his lap.
He looks at you then. A long look. An expression you're having a hard time untangling. His eyes flutter back down when Penelope yawns. “Have to go to bed, okay?” he whispers into her crown, planting a kiss while he’s there.
“I wanna sleep in your room.”
“That’s fine but I’m not laying down yet. You still have to go to sleep.”
She nods against his chin.
“I’ll carry you up. Can you say goodnight?”
Penelope turns so you can see one side of her face, the other glued to Steve’s sweater.
“Goodnight,” you wave and smile softly.
She only shudders out a sigh but manners aren’t on Steve’s mind, especially when he knows you wouldn’t care about that. His knees crack as he stands, hiking her up higher before he heads upstairs.
You yank a blanket from the arm of the couch, missing the warmth Penelope lent you. It’s a risky move when you’re already fighting to keep your eyes open.
But Steve’s back before you have time to fall asleep. He’s trampling down the steps with a confidence that Penelope’s out for good this time. And he flops onto the couch with the same heaviness, sighing like you’ve never heard. Pure frustration. It’s understandable. But odd off his lips.
“You okay?” you ask, the same syrupy sweetness you’d used with Penelope.
He turns to face you and he looks awfully sad. The rainwater clinging to the ends of his hair doesn’t help. But he nods anyway because he’s Steve. “It was a stupid raccoon.”
“You’re kidding? They thought it was a cat?”
“I should’ve known,” he scrubs his face. “Practically senile that lady.”
“You’ll find her, Steve.”
He takes a deep breath and swallows. “I don’t know anymore. I’m really starting to think worst-case scenarios.”
You press your lips into a firm line. It’s a possibility you don’t want to consider. “Why don’t I go look a little longer? I’m off–”
“No, please,” he leans over to cradle the shell of your knee. “You’ve helped all night. I mean this in the nicest way possible, you look exhausted.”
“Way to treat a guest, Harrington,” you smirk, peeling his pointer finger off your leg to hook it under your own.
He squeezes your finger like a trigger, shifting focus between your hands and face. “Go home, rest, please.”
“You sure?”
“Hundred percent. Rain’s let up so the drive shouldn’t be too bad.”
“Promise you’ll get some rest too?”
He smiles despite the pang in his chest and the ache behind his eyes. You're the first to show him this kind of care in years. “I will. I promise.” He releases your finger, binding your pinky with his instead.
There’s something unreal about the way you smile back at him. Like you’ve entranced him with a spell. Steve believes in a lot of things– superpowers, demogorgans, parallel dimensions– but this is the first time he’s ever believed in pinky promise magic.
He shakes his head, “Come on.”
You take his hand, groaning in sync as he helps you up.
In the foyer, Steve unhooks the coat he’d lent you earlier. “Here.” And before you can contend, he adds, “Keep it. It’s an extra. I don’t need it.”
You let him guide your arms into the sleeves. And the same deliriousness possesses you to spring in for a hug after. “It’ll be okay, Steve,” you murmur, lips skimming the embroidered design across his chest.
He deflates for half a second before reciprocating. “I know,” he says. “Thank you.”
You wait until he softens to pull away and open the door.
The wind whips and howls blowing a wave of mist onto the other end of the porch. Steve scans the yard, then the road, both slick with rain. He asks himself if it’s a good enough reason to ask you to stay. But he decides it isn’t, not yet, at least.
“Call me when you get home?”
A wild smile splits your lips. “Okay,” you blink stupidly, too tired to care.
“Careful!” he shouts as you run to your car. Steve leans against the doorframe, loitering until your headlights flash his house and your car rolls out of the driveway.
It’s only sprinkling but streetlights are scarce near Steve’s place so you turn your high beams on, highlighting lawns on either side of the road. You drive slowly, inspecting one yard, then the one opposite, hopeful that Cinderella’s still out there.
There’s a stop sign at the end of Steve’s street. A landmark you know to make a left at. But you decide to go right. I wanted to take the scenic route, you’ll say if Steve asks. You drive that road and the one beside it and another beside that.
And it’s only a few turns away when you spot something sort of cat-shaped laid at the end of a driveway.
“Please do not be a raccoon,” you mumble, squinting as you inch the car closer. The longer you look the more it makes sense– two ears, a wavy tail, it’s definitely a cat. “No way.”
You put the car in park across from the house and study it. It bats its tail against the concrete, staring lazily back at your car. There’s just no way, not after all that looking. You find her after what, ten minutes of driving? It just can’t be her.
You push your door open gingerly, slipping onto the asphalt one foot at a time. The cat perks up, ears twitching with each crunch under your shoes. You slink over slowly, crouching into an uncomfortable crab walk when she stands. Brown coat, no collar, just as she’s been described to you. But it’s hard to say. You’ve only seen one picture of her and it was out of focus. There’s no way to really know it’s her.
Honking a few streets away slices the silence and your focus in one go. You flinch back a step which spooks the cat. She scampers up the driveway, weaving underneath a car to the other end of the yard.
You stick as low to the ground as you can while skipping after her. You’d guess you look ridiculous, but at least Steve isn’t here to see. The car blocks the view and you lose her by the time you reach the other side. But there’s a swirl of shrubbery, good for hiding probably. You blindly grapple for branches, blinking rapidly, slowly adjusting to the growing darkness the farther you move from your car’s headlights.
And then the porch light flickers on, spotlighting you digging through a random person’s bushes.
“Shit.” You freeze, hand choking a wreath of leaves, embarrassment flaring hot and red through your entire body. A minute passes, then two. Everything’s still. No cat, no angry homeowners, no police cars. You decide it’s safe. Must’ve been an automatic light. You hope, anyway.
Upon further inspection, the bushes are empty, and from what you can see the porch is too. There are a few trees but it’s difficult to make out any cats through the dark web of branches. A sudden gust of wind shakes a handful of leaves loose. Your eyes track them across the yard as they tumble back toward the driveway. And there’s the damn cat, sitting on the roof of the car like it was there the whole time.
“You better not set that alarm off, dude,” you grumble.
She narrows her eyes and growls as you draw closer. Cinderella is irritable– this makes sense. Or it’s a totally random feral cat who is about to claw your eyes out.
You’re within touching distance when you realize you have no plan. She very likely could claw your eyes out or give you rabies or something else awful. But you're in it now. You’re gonna get Penelope her cat back. So you shrug Steve’s coat off cautiously, eyes never leaving the cats. It’s raining again, you realize as it starts pelting your neck, trickling like ice down your shirt. But that’s the least of your worries right now.
“Nice kitty,” you whisper, unfolding the jacket.
She hisses as you lean in but before she can pounce or swipe you throw the jacket over her and scoop her off her feet. She goes stiff and growls low and throaty.
You speed walk to your car, toeing the cracked door open and maneuvering carefully into your seat. The jacket peels open as you shut the door. She sees an opportunity and takes it, nosing her way through the hole and under your elbow. There’s a shine of teeth as she bats your face, dragging a sharp set of claws against your cheek.
“No, no– shit! I swear if you don’t,” you argue, cramming her arms back in the fabric one at a time, tucking and tightening until she’s secure.
She huffs through her nose, glaring menacingly at you from her swaddle.
“Cinderella– if you’re even Cinderella– which you better be! You’re being a real jerk right now.”
She growls in response. Steve wasn’t lying about her attitude.
You shift the car into gear one-handed and forgo a seatbelt. It’s a short ride and you’ve maxed out your risk-taking meter for the night. While it really is a short drive, it goes dreadfully slow. You’re cold and wet and you feel like you are driving with a bomb strapped to your chest.
Getting out of the car is just as easy, as in not easy at all, as getting in. But you make it to Steve’s porch, surging the cat further up your chest so there are no last-minute getaways. You tap gently on the door with your toe, hoping not to disturb Penelope.
The instant the door opens, you squeeze by Steve and release the cat onto the floor. She scampers ahead a few feet before stopping to turn around. “Tell me this is the right cat and I didn’t just kidnap some other kid’s pet.”
He shoves the door closed. “Oh my God! Where the hell did you find her?”
You exhale with one big slump of your shoulders, all the worry bleeding away. “Like, five minutes down the road. Just hanging out in someone’s driveway.”
Steve gawks, crouching and coaxing her closer with an open palm.
She considers his invitation before striding into his touch.
He strokes her from head to tail and back. “I can’t believe you. I was about to make funeral arrangements.”
Cinderella chirps happily.
Steve twists to look up at you. For a second you think he might cry. Or kiss you.
He promptly stands and cups your jaw and your stomach tumbles because he might actually kiss you. But he aims your cheek against the light instead and whispers, “You’re bleeding.”
“Oh,” you tap around your cheek blindly, “It’s just a scratch.”
“Here. Come here.”
You follow him to the bathroom where he pulls a towel from the closet and drapes it around your shoulders like a shawl.
“You’re wet,” he says like you don’t already know.
You tug the fraying ends taut across your chest and watch him dig through the medicine cabinet. “If only someone let me borrow their coat.”
“If only,” he snickers, dumping the contents of the first aid kit in the sink. “I’m sorry Cinderella beat you up. She really has no manners.” He strips the plastic cover off a Barbie-themed bandaid and lines it up with your scratch, pressing, and smoothing it over your skin gingerly.
“How hideous do I look? Scale of one to ten.”
He shakes his head, smiling at you like an idiot. You make him smile like it’s your only job. And it sends his heart flying every time. He feels out of control around you. He hates feeling that way but somehow you make it easy.
“You could never be hideous.” Steve chuckles, still in disbelief. “You're amazing.”
Any cold lingering on your face evaporates. “Don’t go soft on me, Harrington,” you tease.
Maybe it’s the adrenaline buzz of chasing Cinderella or the high of successfully catching her, but you feel like you could do anything. Like you could say anything to him. Your eyes trickle down to his lips. He’s close enough to kiss. Every nerve in your body dares you to do it. You don’t think he’d reject you. Maybe he’d even meet you halfway.
A high-pitched scream severs the moment.
Steve jerks away, alarmed and then quickly amused. “Penelope,” he grins.
And right on cue, Penelope whizzes by the open door, squeals ricocheting down the hall. She chases Cinderella, who does not look happy to be chased, but Steve allows it.
“Daddy! Cinderella’s back! Look!” She clips her shoulder on the stair post before disappearing into the kitchen
He turns to you, beaming. He hopes you understand how amazing you are. He’d happily tell you again and again.
Penelope races out, heaving through a smile with the jar of treats. She sprays the entire contents of it across the floor. Steve can’t even be mad. In fact, it’s the happiest he’s been all week.
She lies down on her back, eyes skipping between you and Steve. “How did she get here?”
“I saw her on my way home. She was just a few streets away.”
“Wow. She’s really good at hide and seek,” Penelope decides.
Cinderella prances over, using Penelope’s belly as a personal vault. Penelope splays her hand out, patting and petting to her heart's content as Cinderella munches on the treats.
Steve squats, cupping a handful of them back into the jar.
“No, Daddy! It’s her prize.”
“Her prize will make her sick if she eats it all.”
“Okay. I guess.” She giggles as Cinderella pushes a treat with her paw.
Steve squeezes her knee where it wiggles, raising his eyebrows, “What do you say?”
Penelope turns to you with a wicked grin. She practically screams, “Thank you!”
“You're very welcome.”
Penelope pushes herself up and cocks her head. “Will you stay and play with us?”
It’s entirely innocent and equally adorable. You appreciate Steve for being the bad guy.
“Nuh-uh. You’re supposed to be in bed,” he reminds her.
She whines and shoots him a mean look. But it doesn’t last. Cinderella is back. That’s all she really cares about right now.
“You can play with Cinderella in the morning.” His eyes flicker between the two like they’re made of gold. “Maybe she’ll even sleep in your room.”
Penelope’s eyes and mouth widen into three little O’s. “Really!”
“Yes. She can stay inside from now on. But! You have to train her, be a good cat mom to her.”
“I will, I will,” she nods so relentlessly her head might pop off. “I promise I’ll be the bestest cat mom ever in the whole entire world!”
Steve chuckles, gaze dancing over to you. He looks at you like you’re made of gold too. That’s an intense realization.
“I should head home,” you say.
Steve nods, a flicker of hesitation crossing his face.
“Bye, Penelope! Bye, Cinderella!”
Penelope shackles Cinderella’s arm and forces her into a rigid wave. “Bye-bye!”
Steve follows you out to the front porch, snapping the door shut when Cinderella trots after him.
“Good luck keeping her inside.”
“Yeah,” he shakes his head, hand dropping from the door handle. “I’m sure she’ll escape by morning.”
Your gaze sweeps across the lawn. It’s only drizzling now, almost unnoticeably through the overcast veil of moonlight.
“Oh, here,” you tug one end of the towel until it slides off your neck.
Steve accepts it tentatively, “Maybe you should keep it. Case she gets out again.”
“Yeah, guess I’d need something to catch her with, huh?”
His teeth seem to glow in the moonlight when he smiles. He slings the towel back over your head and smooths it across your shoulders. “I know I’ve said this like a million times today,” he trails off, rubbing the fabric up and down your arms. “But I’m gonna say it again.” He looks up, dreadfully serious. Your eyes lock like magnets, like he’s specially polarized yours to stay tethered to his. “First of all, thank you for everything, seriously.”
“It’s no problem, Steve, really.”
“I know, I just,” his attention drifts away, tension seeping in through the silence. “I think you’re like the coolest person ever.”
You shake your head and shift your weight from one foot to the other, desperately trying to shake out the scary feeling in your gut.
A warm hand clasps yours. “I mean it. You’re so amazing and are just a super genuine person and– and I care a lot about you.”
Your pulse hammers so hard you wonder if he can hear it. The icy bite of rain clinging to your clothes turns hot. Hot enough to boil every drop of it off your skin.
“I dunno, it’s just really hard to make friends as a single parent. You’ve been so kind. And I really appreciate that.”
Your heart aches. Your eyes sting. That awful feeling triples. Friends, how could you forget?
He drops your hand, knotting his own fingers together instead. Watching you, waiting for a response.
You smile, brittle but convincing enough that he smiles back. “Well, that’s really sweet. I’m happy to help. And, for the record, I think you’re super cool too.” You punch his shoulder playfully. Because that’s what friends do.
“Phew, that’s a relief. Was starting to think you were getting sick of us.”
You smile genuinely then. You don’t think it’s possible to ever get sick of them. “Ehh, I’m still warming up to Cinderella but Penelope’s my favorite, no offense.”
“No, she’s pretty cool.” He nods, pausing to think. “You can come over tomorrow– if you aren’t busy. If you want to. We’ll probably go buy some cat stuff. I dunno, it’s cool if you can’t.”
“I’d love to, Steve.”
He laughs in soft little layers. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
“See you then.”
“See ya.”
You spin on your heel, scurrying down the porch steps faster than you probably should. Forget the rain, Steve’s what you're running from. His laugh and his dopey smile and his overly kind words. You’re too young to die of a heart attack, but surely your heart won’t last much more of this.
When you tug the handle of your car door, he yells, “Don’t forget to call me!”
You bite your lip to stop yourself from smiling and flash him a thumbs-up before getting in. He’s such an idiot. Probably waking his neighbors up yelling like that. It’s probably unhealthy, the amount of emotions you’ve just experienced in the span of a few minutes.
But already all you can think about is tomorrow. It seems like lightyears away, but you’d wait lightyears for Steve– even for just friends Steve– silly as it sounds.
#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington fluff#steve harrington x you#steve harrington#steve harrington angst#stranger things#stranger things fic#tsof#skeltnwrites#the shape of family#dad steve harrington
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And I'm SO happy you're back, my lovely Wayne!! Of course, you decide to spoil me with this review the minute you dip back into this hellsite. 😘
(yesss, and don't think I didn't see that chapter you dropped of Polaris! When I get back from my vacay I will be diving into that. I need to know what happens next with our favorite cowboy sheriff 🤠)
I'm very glad and grateful you made the time to start ESC! I had so much fun figuring out Russell Shaw and the Tracker cast -- especially with all them Deanisms. 😏
Diving into the rest of your awesome comments below!! 💕
First of, Professor Goldstein is a piece of work... 😒 I wouldn't blame her for spitting into his coffee every time he calls her sweetheart. But Russell, I see you. She's gonna be so annoyed with him 😂
Oh he's a piece of something, all right. 🙄 She could def pull a Rachel on his ass. And Russell...lmao, you already saw where he's heading with this. 😂
Ooooh, another professor character paired with some rugged Mountain Man 😏 I'm addicted to those couples. She's all business up front, and he's all party in the back (seat of his Chevelle) 🤪
LOLL the way it didn't even occur to me when I was writing this (at first) that I was writing another professor paired with a law enforcement (sort of, in Russell's case), man of action type, like in Take Me Home with Beau Arlen. 😝 I came at it with the thought of, "what if she was Dory's best friend, and they worked together at the university?" I must have a thing for writing nerds who get the rugged, sexy Mountain Man. Not at all fulfilling a personal fantasy.
UGH. The nerve!!!!! Massage therapist????? How about I step on your back with my high heels, bro... And then to go on about his trip and parasailing... Guess it's true. Ignorant people are happier 😂
Fuck YES, I'd be high-stepping up and down his spine fr. 🤣 Ignorance is bliss, I guess? 🤷🏽♀️
Or why are campuses so big in general? My university actually had several faculties strewn throughout the city. Sometimes it took an hour and several subway rides to get to your next lecture 😅
Oooh my God, now THAT's crazy! A whole subway ride(s)?? I've worked/gone to school on some big campuses, but that takes the cake. I guess you get your daily workout one way or another lol!
Please tell me Russell's in the room when she said that 😄🤞
Big YEP lmfaoo, and he likes her already because of it. 😂
Ooooh, right! I wonder how much she knows about the Shaws. Not something that comes casually up in the cafetaria I imagine 😅
No it would not, lmfao! But that is something that will be explored (how much she knows) in the chapters to come, for sure!
Love this whole exchange. You're making my dreams come true, babe 😘
Ahaha I had to do the little callback to sriracha fries (and figure out how tf to spell sriracha, first of all. 😂)
I keep thinking he probably has that look now because he was in the army for so long. Young Russell was pretty much young Dean Winchester in a uniform (hello there, soldier 😏)
Ooh that's SUCH a good point (and yumm). It's making me hope that we get a flashback of Russell in his military days someday in Tracker.
Well... It's a toss-up, I'd say 😆
Oh, very much a toss up/personal preference there lmao. I've loved Justin Hartley since his Smallville days as Green Arrow. 😆 But in this case, I felt like Russell would try to claim top billing there loll.
In. His. Car 🚩🚩🚩😂 If any strange man said that to you... 🚩🤣
Honestly, it's amazing how many red flags you ignore when someone's charming and handsome. 🤣🤣🤣
Well, at least, Colter has an Airstream 😅🤷♀️
Ha!! True, it's beating out Russell's crusty motel of the week by far, I'd say.
He is a professional flirt. Kind eyes...
Oh don't worry, we're getting to that callback. 😏
Dear God, he does not stop, does he? 😆 (On the show, I loved his persistence with Reenie too, even though it was mainly just to annoy Colter. But you captured him beautifully here with this sort of charm 🥰) PS: schmutz, schlep... I love the sprinkles of Yiddish in this 🤓
In fact, he does not! lmfao That was what I loved about it too -- like maybe half of him is serious, and the other half just wants to needle Colter. 🤣
Aw I'm glad you caught that! lol I'm not Jewish, but for some reason it just felt right for these characters. 💜
STOP IT! And he upgraded too!!! 🤣
He absolutely did!! And this time, it actually worked! 🤣🤣
I AM SO EXCITED FOR THIS! Gah, this was fabulous! I'm hooked! 😍👏 Are they gonna stay casual? Something about her brooding and reluctance tells me it's not usually her style? Which means, will he eventually settle? Get out of the dangerous hitman-nomad life?
Ooh my goodness, I'm so glad to hear that, friend! You're right. I don't think I full on state it, but "casual" is typically not her style. Also, Russell is Dory's brother, so she doesn't want there to be any weirdness or awkwardness between them if something happened or fell out between the reader and Russell.
She already knows his relationship with Dory is kind of fragile, in that they're still in that "reconnecting" phase. You'll see more of that dynamic and her thoughts in Part 2, but the rest of your questions will most definitely be explored throughout this little series. 😏
And then there's the stories about their respective families. We already know some about Russell's. How is she gonna react if she learns everything? And there's something odd about her private life as well. Can't wait to dive into that bombshell 😂
There's a lot to unpack there, right? There's a great deal that she already knows through Dory, and some things that are going to be revealed along the way...
Zep, my sweet genius Alex, you've outdone yourself once again. Bravo!!! 👏👏👏
You make me blush!! Thank you so much. 😭🥰 If you like this chapter, then I think you're going to enjoy the rest of the series. I hope it's as fun for you to read as it was for me to write!! 💕💕
A Line and a Half
Pairing: Russell Shaw x F. Reader
Summary: When Dory’s eldest brother comes to visit her at Wyoming University, you don’t know quite what to make of Russell Shaw. But he knows exactly what he wants to make of you.
AN: Okay, here’s my first toe-dip into the world of Tracker with Russell Shaw! 1x12 gave me too many ideas not to explore this intriguing character. This is set before episode 12, but I have a little series I want to sketch out that will continue after this one-shot, so think of this as a “Part 1,” if you will. 😉
Word Count: 3.2K
Tags/Warnings: A kind of “meet cute,” attempts at flirting, and hints of setup for more to come…
You watched, silently simmering, as Dr. Goldstein added yet another packet of internship applications from his graduate students onto your desk.
Applicants that he, as the History Department Chairman, was supposed to review himself. Instead, he’d been adding these hours quite literally onto your desk.
“If you could review these for me as well, sweetheart. Thank you,” he said. “Get ‘em back to me by Thursday, okay?”
As a Professor of History with two doctorates in your name, you once again grated internally at sweetheart, but you tried to keep that cringe off your face as well.
Goldstein barely even met your eyes when he dropped off his burden, and then aimed to leave your office.
“Uh, Paul,” you called out, raising a finger. You stood from your desk as quickly as you could in your pencil skirt, but the man was already out the door. You followed him out, your heels clacking on the tile floor.
Damn it. Knew I should’ve gone with pants, you said, continuing to hasten after your boss.
“Paul! Just a second,” you said. That finally managed to turn the man’s head off of his phone. He glanced at you while checking his watch.
“About the internship applications…and your midterm exam essays for that matter. Don’t you think—” you started to say, but the man spoke over you.
“I’m sorry, I’ve got to run. Meeting my massage therapist at noon,” he said, and rolled a seemingly stiff shoulder under his tailored blazer. “Something’s just not right here after my trip to Cali last weekend. I don’t know what I did, pulled muscle or something. But hey, they do say parasailing is a sport.”
You quirked a brow. “Do they?”
You weren’t sure that being strapped into a parachute for a nice air glide over the Pacific counted as a sport.
Goldstein shrugged at your question and he kept walking down the hall. Though he turned back to toss you a pointed finger.
“Need those by Thursday. Thanks, you’re the best,” he said.
You watched him go, as proverbial steam began to escape through your ears. Slowly you pivoted on your heels, and you went back to your office. You grimaced at the large stack of applications. You were pretty sure he padded them with an extra section of midterm exams.
Tapping your nails on your desk, you grabbed your phone next to your desktop and checked the time. 11:30 a.m.
Screw it. I’m going to lunch, you thought.
Dory had to be out of her Intro Physics class by now, which meant she’d be in her office, ready for you to drop in on her a little early. You took up your purse and almost made it out the door…but at the last moment, your anal brain made you turn back to grab a shoulder bag and the pile of applications. Maybe you could knock out a few during lunch.
Friggin’ doormat, as your brother would say. Laughing at you, probably.
You rolled your eyes and headed back out the door with your haul of papers, purse, work bag, and keys, locking your office behind you.
Why, oh why did the Sciences building have to be on the other side of campus?
It was damn near a mile walk from your Humanities building over to Dory’s office on the second floor. Your hands were laden with packets that couldn’t be contained by your heavy work bag, your purse was slipping off your shoulder, and these heels were killing your feet.
It was a miracle you and Dory had ever met on this campus. On your first day of teaching, you’d of course been hopelessly lost. Somehow you ended up at the tail-end of one of her classes in one of the science auditoriums.
She’d been gracious enough to help you, and even walked you all the way to the Humanities building so you could find your World History class before the students decided to just get up and leave. (And after fifteen minutes, they very well would.)
That day, she became your first real friend at Wyoming University. In the three years since, she’d become your best friend.
And now, her door was mercifully open halfway. You pushed it open and stumbled just a little from the transition of tile to carpet inside her office. Your papers nearly flew from your hands, so you struggled to right yourself and contain them all back into the semblance of neatness.
“Hey, girl. You better be ready for lunch because Jesus fucking Christ. Goldstein’s up my ass again and all I’ve had today is a crusty donut from the teacher’s lounge, which I’m pretty sure was stale,” you said, with your brows furrowed in frustration.
When you finally looked up from your struggles, you realized that Dory wasn’t alone. She smiled at you in amusement, sitting at her desk beside a man who made you pause. Your eyes widened.
He was leaning casually with an elbow propped up on her desk, dressed in jeans and a worn, pale green jacket—a good match for his eyes. He looked a little rugged for Dory’s tastes, but you couldn’t fault her, with the cut of that bearded jaw, and the smile raising the corners of his lips.
“Hey,” Dory laughed. “I see you’re having a good day.”
You bit your lip in embarrassment, probably smudging your lipstick.
“I’m so sorry. I should’ve knocked first,” you said, though you could see she seemed to be having an actual good day. Office picnic? Or maybe the handsome stranger was getting ready to take her out.
Dory just waved you in. She stood and set a hand on her companion’s shoulder, and he got up along with her.
“It’s okay. This is my brother, Russell,” she said, and she introduced you in kind.
“Well, hi there,” he said. He subtly took you in with his eyes as he held out his hand. Already you felt your face heating up with more than just embarrassment.
You were a bit shocked as well, to say the least. Dory had told you some…interesting things about her family, including the fact that she had two older brothers. You wondered which one this was, the middle child, or the eldest.
“Hi! Sorry. Again. Nice to meet you,” you said. You tried to hold your hand out to reach his, but a few papers began to spill out. You clutched at them on reflex, but Russell drew in quickly to help you.
“Got yourself a load there,” he said. You agreed with an awkward laugh and a shrug of your shoulders.
“My boss’s idea of extra credit,” you said wryly.
“You can set it down on that chair over there,” Dory said, pointing to one against the back wall, next to a tall filing cabinet.
You and Russell meandered over and managed to set down the stack without casualty. You were able to pull up the straps of your bag and your purse from falling off your shoulder and give him a grateful look.
“Thanks,” you said.
“No problem,” he said, giving you an easy smile back. “I actually crashed in unannounced, so if you two wanna to head to lunch, you go right ahead.”
“Uh, no. I haven’t seen you in months! You should come with us,” Dory said. She grabbed her purse to join you and Russell by the door.
You raised your hands in placation. “Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other. You guys should catch up.”
Dory shook her head and grabbed your hand.
“Uh, uh. I want to hear the latest on Paul’s bullshit, and why you’re carrying half your office across campus. Let’s go,” she said, and gestured at your work bag. “Leave that here. You’re gonna eat and talk to me. No working involved.”
You laughed, but you agreed to her cajoling. With another glance at her brother, and those green eyes that seemed to be dancing, you joined them for lunch.
The three of you ended up at a diner that you and Dory frequented at least once a week. The food was good, the service was quick, and it was close to campus. Wins all around. Russell seemed to be enjoying himself, as he hummed in delight after the very first bite of his Philly cheesesteak.
“Sriracha on fries, huh?” you remarked, gesturing at the man’s plate. Your brow was quirked, but he shot you a smile.
“I said avert your eyes,” he teased. “Don’t knock it ‘til you try it, sweetheart.”
Ugh. Another sweethearting man. You narrowed your own eyes at him a bit. He caught the look and raised a hand in defense (the one that wasn’t holding his cheesesteak).
“Uh oh. What’d I do?” he asked.
“You gave her some PTSD,” Dory said with a laugh. “Dr. Goldstein likes to sugar coat his demands with sexism.”
Russell noted your souring look with apology. You’d just finished recounting your morning for your friend, and recapping years of “sugar-coated demands” for Russell.
“Why don’t you just tell him to cram it up his…uh…” he paused. Seeing his little sister’s look of amusement, he amended. “Or you know, stuff it.”
A smile twitched at your lips. “Oh, believe me, I’d love to tell him to stuff it. But he’s technically my boss, and the department chair. Even though I’ve basically been doing his job for two years now.”
“Well, that sucks,” Russell said. “And I feel for ya. I’ve had my share of shitty bosses in my time.”
You sighed and accepted his commiseration with a nod.
It wasn’t fair, but Goldstein planned to retire early in a few years. Must be nice.
When he did, it would make you the most likely candidate to replace him as department chair. The way you saw it, this was giving you plenty of practice before you (hopefully) inherited the position.
Anyway, you shook your head. You didn’t want to talk about it anymore. You were more curious about one Russell Shaw. You now knew he was an army vet, and he carried himself like one. Calm, controlled, even though his smiles came easy. His tousled hair and beard, while well-trimmed and neat, still gave him a roguish quality.
“So let me guess. You’re…the eldest?” you asked. You blotted at your mouth with a napkin, having finished your chicken panini.
Russell treated you to another one of those smiles, though this one held a hint of more.
“Guilty. Though I’m the handsome one,” he said with a wink.
You found yourself smiling behind your napkin.
“I’m sure,” you replied.
Dory rolled her eyes. “Don’t mind him. Apparently my brother’s an incorrigible flirt.”
He chuckled and sipped at his beer, but then he grimaced.
“Ech. Friggin’ weak,” he said. “I brew better than this outta the trunk of my car.”
You raised a brow at that. “You make your own beer?”
“Damn straight,” he said. His gaze turned a hint more playful. “Next time I’ll bring you some. You can tell me what you think.”
You shared a telling look with Dory.
“Next time, huh?” you asked.
“Sure,” he inclined his head. “I pop into town from time to time. Gotta check in and pester my little sister, the physics professor.”
He laid a hand on Dory’s shoulder, squeezing warmly. You could see the pride in his eyes, and it warmed you as well.
She turned to him with a smile, reaching up to cover his hand with hers.
“You don’t pester me. I’d love it if I got to see you more often,” she said.
“Ah, I know, I’m sorry,” he said, releasing her. “My job’s got me all over the place. But I’ll be here for a week or so on this gig.”
That intrigued you. “What do you do for work?”
“Ah, well, you could say I'm a contractor. Private security mainly,” said Russell. His shoulders shifted as he became a little more guarded, you noticed. “My company connects me with the client for as long as the job lasts. Could be a few months, sometimes a few days, depending.”
“Oh, wow. Do you live here in Wyoming?” you asked. He paused, but tilted his head a little, back and forth as he considered your question.
“I kinda bounce around,” he said. “Just go from one job to the next. Sounds a bit unorthodox, I know, but it’s a living.”
“Interesting,” you nodded, but inside, you thought that sounded like a hard way to live.
Unstable…and lonely.
“You know, it’s amazing how much you and Colter have in common,” Dory said. She folded her hands on the table and met her brother with a pointed look.
He huffed in response, though he glanced at you, then back at his sister. As if he was saying, You really want to do this now?
Dory had told you before that Colter was a “rewardist,” or some kind of bounty hunter. The nature of his work kept him busy, and seemingly too busy for his sister. But you also sensed there was an edgier history here.
For the first time, you felt like you were intruding in a moment between brother and sister that went beyond words.
After a moment, Russell shook his head.
“Look, I tried with him, all right? He won’t talk to me,” he said. He went back to eating, polishing off his fries. He offered you one that was half-smothered in sriracha.
“Come on. Live on the edge with me,” he teased.
You eyed the sauce-covered fry in distaste, but after glancing up at his more playful smile, you accepted his offer. You chewed in contemplation, and found that the tangy hint of kick wasn’t so bad.
“Eh? Eeeh? Delicious, am I right?” he said, his hands going wide.
You rolled your eyes, but you nodded in agreement.
“It’s all right,” you replied.
“Yes!” Russell’s hands swept up higher, like he was celebrating a touchdown. "See, I told ya."
You couldn’t help but laugh. Dory shook her head fondly and gave him a clean napkin for the bit of schmutz she spotted at the corner of his mouth.
“Here, wipe your sriracha face.”
“You really don’t have to,” you said, as Russell helped you gather your stack of papers and slung your work bag over his shoulder.
“No, no. I’m a bonafide gentleman. Ain’t that right, D?” he asked his sister. She barely resisted the urge to roll her eyes again, but she did give you a knowing smile.
“Oh, his intentions are pure,” she said.
And by that, you both understood her meaning. His intentions couldn’t be any clearer than a mallet over the head, but you kind of found it endearing.
This man really carried your stuff from the Sciences building across the entire campus to your office. All the while, he asked you about how you and Dory met, the kinds of things you two did together, and if you thought she was happy working here.
You had a feeling he was trying to learn more about his sister’s life. On one hand, it was rather sweet. On the other, it made you realize that there was distance in this family, both literal and figurative. You were glad to hear that Russell, at least, was trying to bridge that gap with his sister. Dory deserved to have more of that in her life.
As you explained to Russell while you led him down the hall to your office, your friendship with her had just…clicked. From the very beginning.
“Dory, you know. She’s more than kind,” you said. “She’s a real one. I can rely on her, even when I can’t rely on my own family.”
Russell hummed at that. “That sounds like a story.”
“Yeah,” you said, glancing away for a moment. You smiled and met his gaze once more. “Maybe one for another time.”
“So you’re on board with a ‘next time.’ Good to know,” Russell remarked. Your smile deepened.
It was good timing when you two finally reached your office. You unlocked it and let him inside, so he could set down your bag, and the god-forsaken stack of internship applications back onto your desk. You’d probably be stuck here working late on those.
“Well, thank you so much. You really didn’t have to schlep for me,” you said.
When you turned, Russell was a bit close. Not uncomfortably so, but enough to make a trill of something zip up your spine. You smelled more intensely his cologne, woodsy and warm. Looking up at him, you once again found his smile.
“It’s no problem,” he said, but his eyes met yours for a moment, as if he lost his train of thought.
“What?” you asked, a bit nervous.
“Anybody ever tell you, you got soulful eyes?” he asked.
It took your brain a second or two to compute, but when his words registered, you had to laugh. You held it behind your hand, while the other went to steady yourself on your desk.
“Well, that’s a line if I’ve ever heard one,” you said, shading your “soulful” eyes with a hand.
You didn’t know it, but Russell’s face warmed in slight embarrassment. He recovered though, taking in your pretty laugh, and the shade of your hair, let loose around your shoulders, and yes, your eyes, when you let him see them again.
If he hadn’t known before, now he was convinced.
He wanted to see more of you before he left town.
“Hey, now that was 100% genuine,” Russell said, but his grin spoke volumes. When your mirth died down, he scratched the back of his head.
“Okay, cards on the table. Would you be interested in grabbing a drink with me sometime?” he asked.
You took in a breath at that. You actually did consider his offer, because homebrew and sriracha fries be damned, there was something more to him. It was lying in wait, behind those eyes that were drawing you in.
However, this was also a man whose job basically made him a nomad. It didn’t exactly scream relationship material.
Which only left the alternative: something…casual.
You just didn’t know if that alternative was such a good idea. Not with your best friend’s brother.
“Just a drink. No frills, no more grilling you about my sister,” Russell said, breaking you from your deliberation. He gestured a hand between the two of you. “Just this. You and me.”
Eventually, you sighed. Your lips raised into a more genuine smile.
“Sometime, huh?” you asked.
He smiled back. “Tonight?”
You hesitated, but despite your better judgment, you nodded before you could change your mind. You still weren’t sure what to make of this guy, but you were willing to find out.
“Sure,” you said. “Howley’s at eight?”
“Well, all right,” Russell said.
He surprised you by sweeping up your hand into his. You looked up at him, curious, but not wary. Anticipation tingled down your spine.
He pressed his lips to the back of your hand. Soft shock made your eyes widen as you blushed, feeling the subtle graze of his beard against your skin.
Who is this guy, Cary Grant? you thought.
But when he pulled away, you had to remind yourself to breathe. Again, you caught sight of his cheeky grin.
“See you tonight,” he said.
AN: He is beauty he is grace, he is Mr. Sriracha Face. 😆
Let me know if you guys liked this! 💜 It's my first time writing a character based solely on one episode, but next up is a series that will continue this one-shot. It's called Every Second Counts.
Next Time in Part 1:
“Are you absolutely sure?” you asked, with your hands on your hips.
You wanted no miscommunication here, no read-between-the-lines mishaps, no subtext or nuance to bite you in the ass later. So here you stood in the middle of your best friend’s office, still on the Wyoming University campus after your last class.
Dory had to laugh at you. She pushed away from her desk and threw her hands up.
“Yes, for the love of God, you can grab a drink with my brother,” she said.
▶️ Keep Reading: Part 1
Ko-Fi Me ☕
Russell Shaw Masterlist
Main Masterlist
Russell S. Tag List:
@kazsrm67 @letheatheodore @agothwithheavysetmakeup @jacklesbrainworms @foxyjwls007
@wincastifer @ades106 @iamsapphine @simpforbuckyb @roseblue373
@brianochka @branj19 @hazel-eye-coffee-shop-girl-blog @globetrotter28 @charmed-asylum
@waywardxwords @deanwinchestersgirl87 @this-is-me19 @rachiem4-blog @sweettimelady
@leigh70 @clinicallydepresso @xiphoidbones @skoveu @nyotamalfoy
@kmc1989 @jackles010378 @emily-winchester @waynes-multiverse @jessjad
@my-stories-vault @deans-spinster-witch @syrma-sensei @stellasfictionalworld @ultimatecin73
@jesllianaquilesrolonsworld @pieandmonsters @lhymer1995 @taehyungxjungkookistaekook @lovelystoriesaj
@nicksalchemy1 @spnwoman @onlyangel-444 @sexyvixen7 @illicithallways
@wolkenprinzessin007 @alwaystiredandconfused @carpenterswife @cheynovak @grilledcheeseandtomato
#reader appreciation#lovely mutuals#lovely review!! 💖💖 (always with you)#a line and a half feedback#ESC-verse
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★ WINTER VISITOR : red hood x reader!
( cuss words ) ──────────────── ★
* im not from america so i have absolutely nooo idea how much is -20°c in fahrenheit im sorry 😭 *
You used to enjoy winter so much more when you were a kid. The snow, the warm clothes, the atmosphere, your mom's hot chocolate... everything was so perfect back then. Now, though, you didn't like it as much.
Not because you grew up to be an insufferable grump, but things weren't as easy. At 9, you didn't have to walk on snowy streets from campus to work to your house in a -20°C weather. Freezing your ass used to be fun when it was voluntary.
But, fortunately, the holidays were already coming, so you wouldn't have any more classes during these few weeks, and you'd also get a few breaks from your job at the bookstore. Finally, some rest.
That's what you thought when you approached your porch, pulling out the keys to open the door in a practiced movement, but you stopped when your eyes caught a glimpse of something red. Then you walked a little closer, and you were able to make out the shape of someone sitting down with their legs stretched, hand cluching their side, a weird helmet on their head and a little cropped brown jacket... what a weird combination.
You knew that helmet, though. You lived in his area, after all.
"Can I help you?" Anyone, literally, anyone, would advise you to not speak to him and simply go find some place else to crash for the night until he went away. The thing is, you wouldn't listen anyway.
He raised his head in your direction, the white eyes of that creepy/fucking weird helmet staring at you, sizing you up and probably judging the fact that you were wearing green tights and red shoes. But, hey, who even was he to judge your style choices?
"Actually, yeah." He said, and even with the modulator distorting his voice, you could hear the hoarsness and the faint tireness. "I'm fucked up over here, I'm not sure I can walk anymore."
You furrowed your eyebrows at that and reached for the phone in your pocket. Carefully, you crouched down beside him and turned on the torch to be able to see his wound better. "Let me see." You said, urging him to take his hand away.
He revealed the wound to you, and God, it was nasty. A bloody and very bumpy gash started from the left side of his abdomen to a little bit before the height of his shoulder blade. Absolutely disgusting. Whoever did that was probably trying to split him in half.
"Oh, my God." You mumbled, your eyes widened at the sight.
"Yeah." He added, nodding his head in understanding to your shock. "Can you at least let me in to... I don't know? Clean it up? It just starts bleeding more if I walk, and I don't wanna get an infection."
What kind of stupid fucking little dumbo would let a stranger dressed like that into their house, especially in Gotham?
"Yeah, come on in." You said, your eyebrows furrowing even more at your own brainlessness. They were almost knitted together like a unibrow.
★...
He sat down on your couch like his body weighted tons, and you noticed how his wound did an odd ripple movement. It just got weirder.
"I have a first aid kit in my bathroom." You said, stripping off your coat and your jacket. "I'll go get it. Do you need anything else?" He just shook his head, and you quickly disappeared into the little hallway.
Red Hood used this moment to look around your house, trying to distract himself from the pain and dizziness. He took in how your walls weren't white, but some kind of eggshell color and there was a green wall too, that one covered in framed paintings, pictures and many posters, as well as some hanging plants.
There were just so many plants. Your couch was more comfortable than his bad, and you had a fluffy mat at the center of the living room, between the couch and your bookshelves, which were full of books he could barely recognize in the dim light.
Oh, yes, the lamps. You had little lamps everywhere and one big lamp beside the couch, but they were all warm and barely even illuminated a thing. They made the room very cozy, though.It was so homey, and it looked like you. If he saw you randomly on the street and for some reason he decided to guess what your house looked like from the inside, that would be it. Maybe not as many lamps, but still.
"Okay, I'm back." You walked out of the little hall in hurried steps, a little red box in your hands. You kneeled close to him on the couch. "Fuck, the lights." You mumbled, and he though your annoyed tone was funny, so he smiled a little under his helmet.
After switching on the big, white light, you kneeled again and gently moved the ripped fabric of his shirt away from the cut. He was staining your couch with blood, but you decided not to care at that moment. With some gauze and saline solution, you cleaned the whole thing up, the sides, and what you could reach of the insides, then, you sprayed some antiseptic on it.
"This is disgusting, but I don't think you'll need stitches." You murmured, not looking at him. Your eyes were focused on the wound. "At least not on the whole thing."
"I can manage." It was all he said.
"I'm gonna patch it up so it isn't exposed." He simply nodded at that, and you started covering the extension of the gash with the little pieces of gauze you had, and then, you secured them with some adhesive tape. "All done."
He stayed there for at least forty minutes, and you noticed how he seemed to have fallen asleep at some point. Maybe he was too tired. You didn't care, but you let him rest anyway.
When he woke up from his nap, you had changed outfits into something more comfortable than the jeans you wore before. A pair of gray sweatpants and a very soft brown hoodie on top of your black Iron Man t-shirt.
"You want some tea?" You offered, looking down at him as he seemed to access the situation — probably forgot what the hell had happened for a second.
"Yeah... yeah. What is it?" He mumbled, his distorted voice sounding groggy. You smiled faintly at that.
"It's peach and ginger." You said. "I like it."
You poured a small amount of it in a little mug you had. It was one of your favorites, with little leaves painted all over it.
"I put honey on it, tastes better." You handed him the mug. And then it hit you... how the hell was he gonna drink the tea with that weird ass helmet on? "How do you- oh."
He shut you up when he removed the helmet after one little click at the back of it.
"You wear a mask under your helmet?" You arched one eyebrow, and he chuckled at your reaction.
"It's for the effect." He said and took a sip of the tea. "Very sweet."
You took a moment to look at the exposed parts of his face. He had a few scars all over it, a sharp jaw and slightly plumpy lips, which were rosy from drinking the tea. He also had flushed cheeks, probably from the cold and a seemingly straight nose. You couldn't really tell the shape from that distance.
"Thanks for taking care of that... and for te tea. And for letting me nap on your couch." He said, looking up at you.
His voice sounded so melodic now without the modulator. It was just slightly raspy, not absurdly deep, but not even a little bit high, and just so much more easy on the ears than you'd ever expect Red Hood's voice to be.
"You're leaving?" You asked in a slightly exasperated tone that surprised both of you and put your own mug down. "You sure you're gonna be alright?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Don't worry." He shook his head, waving his hand as if to say it wasn't a big deal. You just shrugged at that.
He put his mug down, it was almost empty. So he liked the tea. With his helmet in hand and walking a little more stable than before, he offered you a small smile before stepping over to your door.
"Bye." He murmured. "Thanks again."
You stood there after he left, in your living room, with the big light on, staring at the door. What an unusual night. Your eyes drifted back to the blood stain on your couch, and you groaned internally at the fact that you were the one that was gonna have to clean that.
That only reinforced your belief that vigilantes only brought more and more trouble.
☆
#jason todd#jason todd x you#jason todd x reader#winter#red hood#red hood x reader#red hood x you#dc comics#sorry for any mistakes#i didn't proofread this
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autism won this week lads, I had a nice easy assignment to write a 1.5 k story. It’s 11k. The max we’re allowed to turn in is 15 pages and I’m at double that wahooooooo let’s GOOO
#Oh my God I had actual work I needed to do this week#But Noooo#Prof was complaining about not having finished manuscripts this is basically her fault#But! In great news: ne bedrock bros fic dropping in a few weeks!#Writing#something to nom on#Imma die now wahoo
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A quick bluebelle painting :))
#when I had this hairstyle I gave up doing the braids after like 2 week#ngl it’s really difficult#anywayyyyyy bluebelle ilyyyyy 💙💙💙💙#DO NOT look at her left hand pls and thank youuuuuu#I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHERE I WANT TO GO WITH HER STORY YIPEE‼️‼️‼️‼️#do I have it written down or finalized yet?????? absolutely not#but I have the skeleton#I have to construct the flesh and the sinew#sigh the horror writer in me will literally never leave <333#live laugh love you sapphic cannibalism story I wrote you will forever be famous#so I figured something cool out about being half deaf#when I use my headphones#I only have to use one so when that one runs out of battery#I can just put the other one in!!!#but ✨backwards✨✨#guys I love the lady of shallot she’s so bluebelle coded#IM FINALLY WORKING ON AN ACTUAL PROJECT AGAIN#it’s another oc painting….but more of them at once…..#I’ve never embarked on such an adventure before#I’m having so much fun#I need to shut up oh my god 😭😭😭#shamelessly oc posting#you can do whatever you want forever!! (except when it’s me lmaoooo)#okay okay okay Bluebelle you will be FOREVER famous 💙💙#cats the musical#cats musical#cats oc#jellicle oc#sorah’s silly scribbles
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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...
#it's a strange thing to work in a store that never sleeps. like living in an organism. like forcing its blood to flow#youre there an not. mostly out of sight and out of mind. blinking into existence when something is needed#or at least thats how it is when you work on the back end. and its an oddly gendered workplace when i go in#before the sun is up. before the doors are unlocked. men and boys unload the trucks and sort the packages. women sort the clothing packages#so they do that on purpose? do applicates sort themselves? why do only women work in style?#i dunno. it feels like my 1st real job. its very strange bc there are alloted times and clocking in and out and forced breaks. ive never had#that. ive only had: every moment that youre not working is a waste of time. i worked 10 hour days 6 days a week while getting paid part time#so it's weird. its nice to feel useful. its nice to have my time filled with things to do. but its also like going to school k-12 bc its#like: oh god i gotta get up at 3am so i can go to work. so i dunno. we'll see how i feel after a full week. its also sorta physically#exhausting and maybe i should have said 32hrs instead of 40 so i can actually work on some stuff this summer but i guess we'll see#right now getting a government job sounds better than going back to school but i dunno. i dunno#ill have to start applying in earnest. ay ay ay. what a mess#unrelated
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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now that my PI is like hey you should actually be sitting in the lab to write instead of doing it at home im shooting one million lasers at his head in my mind. fuck off
#exploding and killing even. WHO GIVE A WHOLE FUCKING SHIT MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!#ESPECIALLY since our AC is fucked up rn and my office is the only fucking one thats still hot#hes like oh you can work in [other girls] office shes out this week!!! like omg thank youuuuu thats a perfect setup for me 🥰🙏🏻#working in someone elses office doing work i can do exclusively at home because you think i should be in here even when you and nobody else#is. or you are but its not like we’re even seeing each other. awesome!!! 😁😁😁😁😁❣️#i dont know why hes doing this now. he literally hasnt given a shit before like he said verbatim when i joined the lab a YEAR AGO that he#doesnt need us to be in here all the time if we dont have anything in-person that we have to do. as long as we’re getting our work done.#AND I AM BITCH. SO WHY. THE FUCK. ARE YOU THROWING A LITTLE PISSY FIT ABOUT IT NOW. KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#okay whatever. i really like him and hes a lot better than some other PIs that have their students coming like 8-5 even if they have nothing#to do. like literally to the point where theyre playing cards and watching movies and shit. so it could be worse#but i dont know why he is MAKING it worse. when we literally had a perfectly fine lab dynamic going on. WHATS YOUR DEAL!!!!!#ugh whatever. its probably just bc its summer and hes like why the hell am i in the lab if nobody else is!!!!!#well man sorry to say it but you have kids. so im sure if you need work done you have to come here. but i dont have shit so i CAN work from#home with no problem. okay whatever rant done im not even that upset im just annoyed as fuck and idgaf if he said we should be here usually#9-4 my ass is leaving at 2:30 today to grocery shop and go the fuck home so i can actually get work done KILLS PEOPLE
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PROF ROUNDING GRADE UP AMEN 🙏🏻
#personal#the engineering chronicles#also there was a mistake in how he graded my final project so that helped too#get to feel good abt at least one of my classes this semester thank god 😭 physics has me feeling so shitty and the rest of my classes are#either teetering and probably won’t be a’s or they’re one credit labs etc that are easy to get a’s in#but this one oh my god i slaved away for this class. and idont regret it at all bc i feel like i really really understand everything i did#in it and how it all worked. v glad that he is letting it pay off#didn’t even need to ask him outright i just wanted to know what his calculated final percentage was to see if it matched mine and he just#went i was waiting for you to ask that. etc etc we discussed some stuff. and then he just went i will round it up#part of it is also that my lab partner vanished off the face of the earth for the last three weeks bc of health issues and obv the last#three weeks are when you’re covering the hardest content and assignments so he is granting me leniency based on that LMAO#seriously though besides the blinking rgb i had to do eeeeverything for our final project. and it was SO time consuming#again don’t regret it bc honestly i don’t think i would Get It nearly as much if we had actually been able to split the work properly. but
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i'm going to fucking kill someone. i got screamed at & called selfish & stupid for telling my mom to wear a mask. she gave me covid
#& you wanna know the kicker? she's going on a vacation. yeah. she's going on a plane right now while badly sick with covid#how do i communicate with people who are literally missing their brain?#it was my sister who screamed at me btw. she feels the need to play devil's advocate whenever i open my mouth#my mom did what she always does & coughed 17 times without covering her mouth & then sat down in the livingroom to doomscroll for 7 hours#what the actual fuck is it with parents & not covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze? they straight up just spray people with covi#& then laugh about it when you point it out as if spreading the fucking plague is funny#best part is that we're pretty sure her getting covid 5 times a year because she refuses to wear masks killed her husband#not joking about that btw. all she had to say oh ''ooh yeah that would explain it''#like ??????????????????????#i didn't get the chance to go grocery shopping either so now i dont have any fresh food#if i have to eat one more frozen or processed meal i'm gonna fucking kill someone. & now i cant do that because i have basic empathy#i don't even feel right ordering food cuz like. i have to interact with someone to do that (can't pay online)#i avoid covid for this long & then get it because ''people look at you weird if you wear masks. you wouldn't get it''#bitch i'm queer. i wear queer pins. i wear a queer jacket. you're telling ME i wouldn't get receiving weird looks???#god my sister wants to be oppressed so fucking bad. i'm sorry but bitch isn't a slur & you're a fucking coward for not wearing masks#i hope you cant fucking work for weeks because of this bullshit. bitch
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GOD therseomuch shit to do i thought id have time today to DO stuff. its the fucking weekend why do ihave to do 2 classes and go outside and literally do something for school . the weekDAYS are always busy i havent had a free moment since i fucking joined
#mel roars#and i forgot to clean cicis fucking litter#like forgot as in for nearly a week#everyone always asks why im never getting another fucking pet THAT is why#because if i cant take care of it then all thats gonna happen is its going to suffer under my care#i have so much fucking due art SO many people messaging me i was LITERALLY going to delete my toyhouse account 2 days ago just to fucking#have a moment of relief#ITS NOT EVEN THAT BAD ACTUALLY. this ius normal for so many people to balance their social lives and school and work and shit but i CANT#i cant adhere to a schedule ill lose my fucking mind#i was miserable at my dads but god if it wasnt awesome to Have Free Time#i guess not talking to human beings or going outside for 2 straight years had its Perks#im so fucking sorry to everyone who has to deal with me i am SINCERELY so fucking sorry#i want to do so much stuff with so many people but its always Oh sorry i had to do something :( Sorry i cant do it today Sorry im not free#Sorry sorry sorry SORRY FUCKKKKKKK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK WHY CANT I ACTUALLY JUST DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE#ITS ALWAYS APOLOGIES AND YET??? NOTHING EVER CHANGES???????#and everyone knows this. every single person i have ever spoken to knos im a fucking shit at keeping promises or apologies and it SUCKS it#fucking sucks. can some one take me into their garage and put me down Please#pleas eplease pleasePLEAePLEASAE PLEASE i cant take it anymore fucking help me#i just need SOME one to tell me Directly that i am doing things wrong that im UPSETTING them because i KNOW I AM but i also DONT#unless i recieve it directly from them. god . pleasae. can someone just tell me to shut the fuck up alreasdy
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today might be a lyric posting on main kinda day
#nightmare.personal#GF said she was excited to see me later and sent me a heart and a smiley emoji#and it's the PINK hearts which I think in her heart rankings I learned last May that's a good thing?#but maybe purple is better but like why would she make me the worse one compared to what she made my ex#that doesn't make any sense also did i mention that my ex's first kiss i think was with my current girlfriend#i feel like this is some ruse but i was the one who pitched the date so nothing bad is going to happen but i don't think she likes me?#like i don't think my girlfriend actually likes me because i haven't seen her in forever#like i didn't see her at ALL yesterday and i mean i had to mediate an argument with her and my other friend#and that was like a week ago and we definitely spoke after that but i think she still remembers#and i HAVE to look good today but it's really cold outside so i don't know how to impress her#because I don't know what traits about me that she actually LIKES and that's like so difficult?#because I don't know what i need to play up to get her to really like me she isn't giving me ANYTHING#does she think i'm attractive? does she think i'm smart? does she think i'm kind? like WHAT IS IT.#because if i don't KNOW then i have to just be me and that's not going to work!#dating is so fucking difficult what the hell i'm going to explode#maybe I do my makeup today OOH I COULD PAINT MY NAILS#maybe that iwll make me better#no but then i have to hide the nails from my mom God dammit.#oh and i can't listen to music because my brother wants me to change my spotify username!!!#so if he sees me listening! he'll know i haven't! but i also don't think he follows me?#i don't think i like my brother very much#i keep trying to decide if there's something wrong with me and honestly i'm not so sure i think there isn't#but the fact i said that will make you think there is so there's no point anyway
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I know the world is cruel because I finally wanna draw again and yet I am forced to pack :(
#I’m actually looking forward to this summer which is wild#okay I mean like. I’m home for half and then back here for half for internship#8 weeks is a very nice amount of time to be doing smth that you’re kinda looking forward to but nervous about bc it’s long but not That long#I can put up with shit for 8 weeks on either side#but I have plans!! I have volunteering and coding my supervisor sent me to deal with while I’m home#and I NEED the break so bad oh my god#and then back for internship is only 4 days a week so I’ll get a good chunk of free time#I wanna get into Actual Exercise which I’ll be able to do hopefully when I’m back and then can see how that works for when uni starts again#bc my friend has offered to help me w stuff which is cool as hell of him#and the internship is smth not directly science so it’s a test run for Doing Other Stuff#which I’m rlly looking forward to actually? I need to know what Else is out there and I think I’ll actually really enjoy this#I have a feeling this summer is going to be a time of Figuring Shit Out bc I mean. for a start there’s a lot I gotta start figuring out#but also will be hopefully some of the least stressful few months I’ve had in forever#like I get to go home and not deal with any major school pressure. and then come back and have regular schedule#which returns me to being a person while doing smth interesting AND not dealing with home stuff#yknow it’s kinda wild actually but now that I have a task (packing) I’m feeling a little more like a person. but that might also be the#actually talking to my friends more recently/going outside. who can tell. man I always forget how much I need physical stuff#thoughts are a little disjointed here bc this draft decided to disappear and reappear 3 hours later but! I’m actually feeling decent now#which is messed up I’ve never been okay about going home for summer before. still wanna draw though. maybe tonight if I have time#oh man I get results for bachelors in like 2 weeks. that’s a slight damper. but the hardest part of my degree is done now#the next year of my life should be nicer!! at the very least the next few months will probably be pretty nice or at least manageable so!#beating the lingering grip of depression back with a stick we’re DONE with that now thank you#luke.txt
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