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#Oh my God I had actual work I needed to do this week
sweatervest-obsessed · 14 hours
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Last, Last Time
Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader (she/her pronouns)
WC: ~7.3k
TW: Angst, guns, violence, mentions of domestic violence, blood, swearing, depression, kidnapping, manipulation, self-deprecating thoughts, heartbreak, arguing, the grieving process, drinking, screaming, crying, sobbing, throwing up, being under pressure, and anything else that comes with a criminal minds episode.
a/n: based on S15 E6 - first date. I love u aubrey plaza <3. Also inspired by the song Last, Last Time by Boys Go To Jupitar. writing this was a little bit of a catharsis since it's one of the first things I've been able to write. I'm sorry I've been so m.i.a., i just moved to a new country and that has been a crazy experience. But to cope with that, enjoy some gut-wrenching angst!
Spencer Masterlist
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“Spencer I won’t—I can’t keep doing this. I’m sick of arguing in circles.” 
“Y/n…”
“I-I feel like you take me for fucking granted Spencer. All I do is work and then come home and wait for you to actually be able to, I don’t know, sleep in the same bed as me for more than four hours.”
The look in his eyes almost took you out but your heart had already been broken long, long before this argument. If anything, you were starting to feel this sense of freedom as you broke his heart. 
“Please. Y/n. Just–I don’t—Just give me a few days to convince Hotch to let me have some time off and we can work on this please.” 
“Wait for the potential of us?” 
Spencer’s jaw loosened. You couldn’t read beyond the initial layer of pain and confusion, which made your chest ache since not too long ago you could have been able to find everything you needed in his expression.
“God Spencer this can’t be fucking news to you. We’ve been drifting apart for months now.” 
“I know, I know. You have been so patient with me and I’ve just been….there was that whole thing with Cat and then….I-I was trying so hard y/n…”
“No, first there was that whole thing with Maeve.”
“That’s not fair—”
“Oh that’s not fair? Really? You’re going to tell me the entire Maeve thing isn’t fair to you?”
“I’m sorry.”
You sighed and closed your eyes. “I’m not saying you weren’t trying but come one Spencer. There’s no need to deny this shit anymore. I hate it when you lie to me about these kinds of things.” 
Spencer’s hand came up to his face and it dragged down, aging him significantly with the fatigue written all over his face. 
“So you’re just going to pack up everything, break my heart, and leave? Were you even going to say goodbye, or was I going to come home to an empty home. A note or....” 
“I-I don’t know Spencer. I just don’t…” 
The tears were starting to creep in, and you had to place the box down before you lost it.
“This isn’t easy for me either…” Your chest heaved. 
The both of you stood in silence, tension simmering surrounding the both of you like heat on a summer’s eve. Neither of you could really look at one another, but it felt wrong to look at anything else. Something was missing but you couldn’t say it outloud. You knew you would always love Spencer Reid but this time it was not enough. 
“I’m tired of arguing Spencer.” 
Your eyes met his. You felt Spencer’s arms around you before you could even feel the tears hit your cheeks. Your arms immediately went to his neck, so familiar. No longer home. 
Spencer’s voice muttered into your ear. “Don’t cry Jolie. It’ll be okay..” 
About three years ago, Spencer had decided that he didn’t like that you had nicknames for him, and he had none for you. He spent weeks workshopping different ones : Sugar, Honey, Pumpkin, Sweetheart, Darlin, Pookie, Lover, Sunny (like sunshine), Sunshine—it was a wild few weeks trying to figure out who he was talking to. Then one day, offhandedly, he was trying to tell you about this french film he had been watching, and trying to get Emily to watch with him. 
He called you ‘tres jolie’, and blushing you had asked him what it meant. He told you it meant pretty. 
And it stuck. 
Now? It stung. 
All you could do was squeeze tightly onto him, not ready to let go.
“You’re so pretty when you’re lying through your teeth.” You whispered after a few moments, pulling away out of his arms. 
“I.” You swallow and step back, out of his reach. “Maybe I’ll...” 
Spencer just looked up at the ceiling, trying to hold in the tears that were streaming down his face. 
You grabbed the last box on the counter and your keys, and walked out, for the last time. 
You awoke in your bed, eyes adjusting to the complete darkness the blackout curtains provided you. 
Another fucking night thinking about your decision those four years ago, and how your life may have gotten better because of it. 
Moving to get up from the bed, you decided to leave the curtains closed for now, feeling as if you could melt from the sun touching you. 
You turned on the bathroom light and started your morning routine. Wash face. Take meds. Brush teeth. Fix hair—
Somewhere in that process, you got lost, and just stared at yourself in the mirror. You weren’t sure for how long. All you could do was replay the last four years. 
Did you make the right choice? You were happy, you had your dream job. 
Maybe it was true what they say, you can only have a career or love, but not both—
The only thing taking you out of this spiral was the ringer on your phone going off. 
This caused some hesitation because your phone’s ringer was always off––the loud noise startling you. There were only a few people who had that emergency bypass, and none of them had called you in four years. 
You peaked out of the bathroom and saw the name light up on your phone. 
Emily Prentiss
______________________________________________________________
The door to the round room opened up and in walked Spencer Reid. “Catch me up.” 
Prentiss clicked the remote, and the TV lit up with a picture of a woman smirking facing the camera while holding a gun up to another one next to her. “Early this morning, Garcia got an email from an anonymous server.”
The second woman was tied up, mouth slightly open, and eyes filled with tears, while a man on the other side just had his eyes closed, tired. . 
Spencer just stared at the photo. 
Rossi nodded at the picture. “She's not obscuring her face, telling us she's got nothing to hide.”
He never pulled focus away from the screen, mouth dry at the thought of what today was going to be. “Any ideas on the unsub?”
“No.” Prentiss sighed. “Only the unsub's demand. That we release Catherine Adams in 24 hours.  I'm having her transferred here for questioning, but we have no illusions. This is just a game to her. We know that. The question is, do we want to play it or not?”
______________________________________________________________
Receiving a call from the FBI was not entirely new to you, since you had been engaged to one of their agents, but receiving one now? Weird. Off brand. Something was deeply wrong from them to have to give you a call. 
You hesitantly pick up the phone. “Hello?”
“Hey Y/n, it’s Emily Prentiss—“
“I know who you are, Emily. It’s been a couple years, not millions.” 
Emily hummed a brief laugh, and you could hear other voices behind her, unable to make out anything. 
“I know this is hard to ask of you, but would you stay on the phone with me and come in?” 
“What?” 
“I need you to stay very calm Y/n, but I need you to stay on the line with me, leave your apartment as soon as you can, and get to the BAU.” 
“Oh my god I totally forgot. It might take me an hour to get there with all this bullshit traffic, could we push the reservation an hour? Would they be willing to do that?” 
Your entire tone changed, having remembered what Spencer had told you all those years ago about if people were listening into your apartment, if they bugged your car—all paranoia that didn’t pay off then, might be paying off now. 
You were sure you could hear Emily sigh, and it sounded a little upset at the fact that you knew what to do–you knew how to handle a dangerous situation, which made her question everything in her life. 
Quickly you pulled on a pair of jeans and threw a sweatshirt over your pajama top and grabbed your keys off of the counter. 
You left your apartment, waved to one of your neighbors, and hopped into your car, still on the line, just trying not to panic. Maybe something went wrong, maybe Spencer wasn’t okay, maybe he had died—you refused to even acknowledge that thought and decided it was something else entirely. 
It was a very tense hour of driving, that was only about forty minutes since you knew how to drive above the speed limit. 
You realized that it was past midday, and you had taken full advantage of the weekend. So at least you had a decent amount of sleep under your belt for what felt like the beginning of an extraneous night. 
As you pulled into the parking garage, Emily Prentiss and someone you had never met before were standing there waiting for you. You placed your car in park, hopped out and walked up to them–only hanging up as soon as you were out of the car. 
Both of them had such grim looks on their faces, but at least they were trying to pretend like the situation wasn’t as bad as it appeared to your face. 
Emily engulfed you in a hug. “Missed you Y/n. It’s been too long.” 
“Well Em, next time I end an engagement with someone I’ll consider your feelings first.” You squeezed him back, dryly laughing at your own joke. At least it caused Emily to snort. 
“Y/n this is SSA Luke Alvez. Luke, this is Y/n Y/l/n.”
“It’s nice to meet you.” He gave a small smile and nodded at you.
“I wish it were under different circumstances.” You nodded back and looked over at Emily.
“Let’s head inside?” 
The three of you moved inside. 
Sure, you hadn’t been here in a while, but you knew your way around the BAU Bullpen if your life depended on it, which was ironic since that was what this feels like. 
As soon as you were safely in their round table room, Luke shut the door, and stood by it, Emily coming and sitting down next to you. 
“What do you know about Cat Adams?” 
That bitch. 
______________________________________________________________
“I would like to go on a date. With you.” 
Spencer stared at her, face stoic as ever. “A date?”
“Yes. I want to look pretty. And I want to have fun.” She looked him up and down. “And I won't even get physical, ok? Unless you want me to.”
Spencer sat down across from her. “Come here. Closer.”
Cat leaned in, a small smile on her face, absolutely intoxicated by being so close to him.
“The only date that I'll be there for is the one where they stick a needle in your vein.”
Cat scoffed. “You're just going to let her father and sister die? I don't think so.”
“I never said it was a father and daughter. You're already slipping.” He stood up from the table. “We'll find them. We always do.”
Cat leaned back and crossed her arms. “Not tonight. Tonight I win.”
His resolution had yet to change, “The score between me and you is two to zero. By tomorrow morning, it'll be a clean sweep. Enjoy eternal nothingness. It's a metaphor for your life.” 
And with that, the door slammed shut behind him.
______________________________________________________________
Both the profilers watched a series of emotions run rampant across your face, before you settled on a somewhat displeased smile. “A lot.” 
They exchanged a look, and you didn’t have the energy to pretend like you didn’t know what it was. 
“Don’t start with me you two. I know profiling. I know what you’re doing. Ask me the questions you want to ask. Don’t try and trick me into giving the answers you want.” 
Alvez bit his tongue and looked away, trying to hide a small smile that appeared on his lips. 
Emily, on the other hand, hid her smile a bit better than him, but part of being previously engaged to a profiler meant you picked up on some of their tricks too. 
She nodded and pulled a file from across the table. “I’m assuming you know the basics since she, uh, is obsessed with Spencer.”
“Glad to see he still has that going for him.” You muttered and looked into the file. 
Emily shot Luke a look when he let out a huff or air, trying his damndest not to laugh. 
“What is the last thing you know about her?” 
You recounted the days leading up to the restaurant, and then the few days after, decidedly stopping short of the engagement breaking off a week later. 
They shared another look, and you didn’t enjoy whatever it was that had moved across their faces. 
“What? What happened?” 
“Y/n..”
“No Emily, I drove from DC to here, I deserve to know what happened. without some weird sugarcoating, alright?” 
Emily then begins to explain to you the past four years of Reid’s life. Cat pretending she was pregnant with his kid in prison, kidnapping his mother, framing him for murder in Mexico, going to prison—
“Spencer went to prison and none of you thought to call me….”
“We didn’t think you’d–” 
“I’m a fucking criminal defense attorney in DC Emily. Of course I’d want to know if he was arrested, especially internationally. I know that law better than all of you. If someone I knew was kidnapped, I’d call you immediately. Faster than the cops.” 
Both of them went silent. 
“So is he out?” 
They nodded slowly, silently. 
“How long was he in there.”
Nothing. 
“I asked. How. Long.”
Luke spoke up. “Three months.” 
“Jesus christ.” You stood up and started to pace around the room, taking the time you needed to calm down. 
Why didn’t Spencer call you—well you knew why Spencer wouldn’t call you. 
“Okay so he’s out.” You said finally. “Why am I here?” 
“Cat’s execution is coming up, and we….we found out that she’s convinced someone to kidnap some….people…close to Reid, and we knew you’d be on that list for him.” 
Your eyebrows went up at people but said nothing of it. Just as you went to say something else, JJ knocked on the door, another blonde woman behind her. 
They entered and JJ gave you a small, yet genuine smile. 
You returned it, but quickly shifted your gaze onto the woman behind. 
Your whole body shifted slightly, into a place of defense, locking your emotions down. You knew all the profilers were watching it happen in real time, which is why Emily walked over and stood next to you, a hand appearing on the small of your back as a comfort.
“Would someone like to tell me what is going on here?” The blonde woman spoke up, arms crossed.
At least Spencer’s taste in partners with attitude hadn’t changed. 
______________________________________________________________
“Victimology is off.”
“How so?” Prentiss looked up at him as he walked into the room. 
“Father and daughter. She’s never done that before.” 
Lewis spoke up. “She usually kills men that remind her of her father. Children–even adult children, are off limits. Do we have an ID yet.” 
Prentiss, Rossi, Garcia, and JJ all looked over at Reid, and he just pulled a hand down his face. “It’s. It’s Issac and Noelle Y/l/n.” 
“Y/l/n…as is Y/n Y/l/n.” Tara looked up surprised at Spencer. 
Reid nodded slowly, just staring at the picture on the projector.
While Luke spoke up. “Who is Y/n Y/l/n.” 
“An old friend.” Rossi quickly interjected, before any more explanation had to be said. It was clear both Alvez and Simmons, that whoever this was, was an extremely touchy subject for Reid. 
Tara, who had only known you for a little while, looked back at the picture. 
Rossie spoke up. “What do we know about the partner who’s helping her?” 
“It’s got to be someone from her prison.” Simmons spoke up. “She hasn’t had contact with anyone else.” 
______________________________________________________________
After all of that, you found yourself back in a place you left four years ago. It looked almost the same as when you had first moved in, but there was less of it. 
Almost as if he was having trouble covering places where things used to be.
There were almost no photos on the walls, since you had taken half of them, and were in the rest. 
Calling someone you once loved a stranger feels wrong. 
Max, as you had learned her name, was just sitting on the couch in your spot . She was looking around as you and Rossi stood by the kitchen counter. 
“Cat had a cellmate named Juliette Weaver. We believe the two were working together, as a way for Cat to get something against Spencer, and as payment, Cat would get Juliette’s ex.”
You nodded. “How does this affect me?” 
“She took your father and sister.” 
Your back straightened and immediately brought out your phone, to call your sister, but Rossi just grabbed your wrist (gently) and shook his head. “If she finds out you know, then it’s all over. She’s doing this on purpose. She knows about you and Reid, but she knows that dragging you into all of this will hurt him more than anything else.” 
His voice had gone low and quiet, so that the girl on the couch couldn’t hear. 
“So why is she here?” You whispered back. 
“Because we don’t want anyone in danger.” 
You closed your eyes and nodded. “I need a cup of tea.” 
Rossi let go of your wrist, and you walked into the kitchen, mostly eyes closed from the stress of the situation. 
The apartment was silent, the others watching as you grabbed a kettle, and started to make tea. It was like second nature to you as you turned the stovetop on, grabbed a mug from the cabinet (careful to not grab one of his favorites), and grabbed some tea from the cabinet. 
It didn’t dawn on you that you were drinking your favorite type of tea until the second sip, while the entire apartment was still silent. 
The pity from Rossi's look was palpable. 
“Don’t even start.” 
He shrugged and stayed silent. 
Until his walkie went off and he looked at Max. “It’s time. Let’s go.” 
Rossi looked back at you and gave you a quick hug, squeezing you tightly. “You’ve got this kid. Remember everything we talked about.” 
You nodded and gave them both a strained smile as they left the apartment, leaving you all alone in this place you once called home, alone. 
Never once, since you left, did you think you would ever be back here. You didn’t even realize you were drinking from one of your own mugs until it was just you. The irony of it was not lost on you, and you sat down in your spot on the couch. 
Well first you sat in Spencer’s seat but it felt too weird, so you shifted back into your spot on the couch. 
______________________________________________________________
“Juliette staked out in Reid’s life. Found out he was dating someone, but then must have discovered his ex-fiancée.” Simmons sighed. “He was probably so focused on Max, he didn’t even realize that someone was digging into his history, following them around.”
Prentiss nodded as they walked and talked. “But if Juliette was able to find Max, that meant she was easily able to find Y/n and her family. It means she must have access to all of her publicly available information. “
“Well at least we found their hidden agenda.” 
“No. We found Cat’s hidden agenda. Juliette doesn’t care about Reid. There’s something we’re missing here. Do a deep dive with Garcia.” 
Simmons nodded at Prentis. “On it.” 
“I’ll go to Reid's apartment and monitor onsite. Is there a trap and trace on his landline?” 
“Garcia’s almost set up.” Simmons walked away from Prentiss, and down towards Penelope’s office. 
“Well this went from bad to worse.” Tara walked up to Emily. 
Emily sighed in agreement. 
Lewis spoke up. “Female narcissists destroy their competition.Y/n  really shouldn’t be in there.” 
Emily just nodded and the two of them headed out of the bullpen. “Walk with me.” 
Tara kept stride with her as they pushed through the doors. Rossi was just getting off the phone with someone and turned to look at the two women approaching him and JJ. 
JJ spoke up when Rossi was finished. “So, the hospital just released the dad– Issac Y/l/n. He's on his way here now.
Rossi scoffed. “Question is, why let him go at all?”
“Matt's on that.” Emily gestures in the direction of Garcia’s office. “Juliette Weaver's real agenda should tell us where she's taking Y/n’s younger sister.”
Lewis spoke next. “I still think the play here is to get Cat and Juliette to contact each other, but I have no idea how.”
Prentiss crossed her arms. “I have a plan, but first we have to talk about Y/n.” 
______________________________________________________________
Just then, you heard the click of the door, and stood up, watching as the door swung open. 
And there he was. 
This was the first time you had seen Spencer in four years. 
And here he was, kissing Catherine Adams. 
The woman you could give partial credit to for ending your relationship. 
After a moment Spencer looked up, and took several steps away from Cat. His eyes were wide and locked on yours. 
It took a lot of self-restraint to not punch the lights out of Cat, and to stand still arms crossed. 
“Y/n?” Spencer’s voice broke a little bit. 
You never would say that Spencer was unattractive. In fact, it would be a lie if you ever said it. But something about the past four years aged him like a fine wine. 
His hair was a bit longer, he had some scruff—his baby face had melted away and standing in front of you was a man who thought you knew everything about, but was now a stranger. 
You didn’t answer him, watching as he took you in, standing in his apartment, for the first time since…
“What are you doing here?” 
You looked over at Cat, who had the most devious smirk on her face. 
Remember what Prentiss had said to you. 
“You know why I’m here.” 
Cat nodded and the two of them moved into the apartment, the door closing behind them. 
Spencer just stood ten feet away from you, eyes never leaving you, and you watched him right back. 
Cat, on the other hand, was walking around, examining the apartment. You could see her take notice of the tea you had made yourself on the counter. You could see the hatred from the corner of your eyes. The two of you were starting to piss her off. 
She spoke up, after a few moments of silence. “Did it make you mad that I was kissing your Fiancé?” 
You shook your head. “No.”
Your focus had fully turned to Cat, but you swore you swore you could hear Spencer take a sharp inhale as you spoke your next words.
“Well, he's not my fiancé and I kind of have some other things on my mind.”
Cat didn’t scare you, but there was just something so off-putting about her. “Like what?” 
“Are you gonna hurt Noelle?”
Cat shrugged. “Not if I don't have to, no. Honestly, if she follows instructions, she might even learn from this whole experience.”
You scoffed. “What does that mean?”
Cat just started fiddling with the chess set on the dresser. 
“Spencer, what does she mean?” You turned to look back at him, his name feeling so good on your tongue. 
Spencer, who really hadn’t stopped looking at you and sighed. “I think…She means that Noelle isn’t learning from her, but from Juliette.” 
You sat down in your spot on the couch, arms crossed. You were on the full defense. 
Spencer noticed where you sat and had to look down to conceal any notions of a smile on his face. 
Cat watched him before turning and looking at you, some more disdain on her face than before. 
“Normally, Spencie and I, we spend our time together playing games, but tonight, I've brought you all here to make a point. You are doing so much better.” 
Spencer spoke up. “With you?”
“I'm not talking to you.” Cat snapped at him before she turned to you. “I'm talking to you. Because, girlfriend, you need to know the truth about your fiancé.” 
“He's not my finacé.” You were unsure about how many more times you could say that outloud. 
“No kidding. When’s the last time you spoke? Right…” Cat walked over to the center of the room, right in front of the couch. “Here?” 
Your head whipped around to Spencer. “You told her about that?”
Spencer was pleading with his eyes. “I had to say a lot of things tonight.”
Cat’s voice caused your head to snap back to her. “Yes, he has. He said that you never compared to me, that, um... That no matter what, he will never get me out of his mind, unlike you. Unlike that girlfriend.” 
You tried not to wince at the mention of that girl Maxine out in one of the trucks.
Spencer sat down next to you. “Everything I said—I was lying to save your family.”
Cat scoffed. “Did our kiss look like a lie?” 
“No.” you just looked down at your hands. 
“Thank you. See, now we're getting to the heart of the matter.” Cat started mocking Spencer. “You see, everyone thinks that Dr. Spencer Reid is... Is just this nice, bookish, uh, genius who, uh, always saves the day and has all the answers. And has zero mommy issues, right? But, um... I know the real him.” 
“Oh, yeah? Who's the real me, Cat?” 
“The real Spencer Reid throws women against walls. And hisses that he's going to kill them.” 
Spencer stood up, squaring off against her.  “That was a very different situation.”
“No, it wasn't.” Cat was holding the smirk back this time, making your gut wretch. 
“Spencer…What is she talking about?” You looked from the psychopath in front of you, to the man you realized you might have never really known beside you.
“You tell her. She's not gonna believe it coming from me.” She huffed. 
Reid turned and looked at you. “Two years ago, Cat had her partner kidnap my mother. Just like tonight. She got under my skin and…”
Your chest hurts. “And you threw her against a wall?” 
Cat’s smirk was breaking through whatever resolve she had. “Don't skimp on the details, Spencie. She deserves to know everything.”
Every single time she said Spencie you swore a shock went up your spine. 
Spencer looked down at his hands, and then over at you. His voice had gotten quieter. “She was pregnant at the time and I knew that when I hurt her.” 
“And?” She stood there expectantly, waiting for Spencer to finish. When he didn’t, her face suddenly became solemn. “The next day... I miscarried. The end.”
Spencer looked at her. “That's not true.” 
“It is most certainly true. Check my medical records.” 
“That doesn't mean I-I would…”
Cat held up her hand to him. “Stop. Look.”
Spencer looked over at you, just sitting on the couch, trying to process everything that was going through your head. 
After thinking about everything you had gone through, especially with Spencer. “I thought you were better than that Spence.” 
It was the first time you had used a nickname for him in years. And he was hearing it for the first time while you were stuck in a standoff between himself and Cat Adams, your sister being god knows where. 
Spencer’s voice cracked. “I'm sorry.” 
Cat squatted down in front of you, a sick smile on her lips. She was enjoying this. She truly enjoyed watching his life crumble to bits. “Notice how your Spencie is apologizing to you and not me.”
You clenched your hands. “He’s not mine…”
Spencer just looked over at you. 
Cat nodded. “That's good. Because men are all the same. Aren't they, Jolie?” 
Spencer’s eyes lit up with an emotion you rarely saw from him when you were together. “Don't call her that.”
And you couldn’t blame him. The word ran you through like a spear and you were sure if you looked behind you, the blade would be through the couch. You tried so hard to not let either of the two people near you see how much it messed with you. Luckily for you, Cat was too busy pushing Spencer’s buttons to see the way her words won against you. 
Cat hissed at him. “What, are you gonna throw me against a wall and choke me, or do you only do that to pregnant women?” 
You finally spoke up. “Why are you doing this?”
“Because I want you to see it.” She gestured to Spencer. “I want you to see that he is...no better than he was before, or any man after. They’re all the same.” 
“Stop.”
Cat squatted down in front of you. “I can see it on your face. What's his name?” 
You stared back at her. “It's none of your business.”
That damned smirk of hers returned. “It is exactly my business. In fact, it's my specialty. I mean, I could have Juliette and baby sister go over there if you want. They could take care of him.” 
Reid looked over at you. “Say yes. Give her what she wants.” 
“Hmm. See, he wants you to get me to make a little phone call so they can trace it.” She moved away from you both and sat down in the lounging chair across from you. “They're so good, the FBI.”
You jumped up and started pacing, a spitting image of four years ago. “What is wrong with the two of you? What is this sick, twisted thing that you have? Listen, I just want to save my sister. Will you please just tell me what I have to do to do that?” 
“Tell me his name. Tell me the story. That's it. And then if they can let Juliette exit stage right, then I promise you I will let her go.”
You looked between Cat and Spencer before walking over to the kitchen, and hanging up the phone. After staring down at the decision you had just made, you walked back over and took your phone out. “Here.  Use this. Use my phone. They can't trace it.”
She just watched you. “You'd be surprised.”
“I don't even need a call. Just... just a photo.” You held the phone out to her. “Something to prove to me that she's still alive. Please”. 
Cat just looked up at your face. “Story first.”
“Y/n. Please.” Spencer turned to you, hoping you’d look back at him. “I have been here with her before. She called the number and told the partner to kill my mom.”
“It is so tricky, isn't it? I mean, who are you gonna trust? The lying, cheating, violent psychopath... Or me?”
You looked down at the ground, refusing to look over at Spencer. “His…His name was Mike Davis. We dated for two years. I met him a month after we…we split.”
Cat’s attention on you felt as if there were a million bees stinging your body all at different intervals, pain coursing through your body. “Good. When did it end?” 
“Last year.” 
“Was he good in bed?” 
Spencer stood up. “Shut up.” 
Cat was enjoying this. She was enjoying watching you make Spencer uncomfortable. She was enjoying hurting him in every masochistic way she could. “What? You have to know where you stand.”
“He was good…” You looked back at Cat. “Good at, um, separating me from my friends and my family. Enough that the first time he punched me in the face, I didn't have anywhere to go. And my first response wasn't "get out." It wasn't "go to hell." It was "I'm sorry, Mike." That's when he knew he had me.”
There was a glint in Spencer’s eyes, and you could swear they were tears, but you couldn’t tell from rage or sorrow. 
Cat continued to probe. “How many hospital visits were there?” 
You showed her a small scar on the inside of your elbow. “None. No, he... He knew how to hurt me just enough to hide it all, I guess.”  
“But you found the strength to leave. What did you do?” 
“ I planned and I... I waited.”
Cat’s eyes lit up. “Waited for what? “
“I live here in D.C.” You looked between Spencer and Cat. “but I'm also a resident in Virginia. It takes 60 days for the permit to clear.”
Spencer’s eyes widened. “Y/n, stop talking. Stop talking right now.”
Cat shushed him. “No, don't stop. Here. Give me the phone. Look, I'm gonna enter the text. Stick the landing and I'll hit "send."
You handed her the phone and she quickly typed out a message, her thumb hovering over send. 
Fiddling with your ring finger, you started to speak again. Slowly. Concisely. “When I was ready, I picked a fight. Loud enough for the neighbors to hear. And he came at me with his fist just cocked back, so I pulled my Glock 19 out of my purse. I shot him.”
Spencer tried to interject. “It was self-defense. He was attacking you—”
“That's what I told 911 as he was struggling to breathe on his kitchen floor. That's why the police never charged me. I’m a lawyer, I know how to plead.” You closed your eyes. “But I... after I hung up, I... I shot him two more times.” 
Cat was glowing, spinning around to face Spencer. “Wow, you really have a type, don't you? Quite a dilemma, too. She just admitted to murder.” 
Spencer was in disbelief. “She'll beat it.” . 
“Probably. But whatever feelings she might have still had for you, and whatever Maxine might have seen in you—-it’s all gone.” 
The phone in your hand buzzed.
“Oh, wow. Look at that. Your sister. Alive and well. You're welcome.” 
Your face hardened up, and you stood up straighter. Walking away from the two of them, you opened the door. “I got it.” 
She took the phone from your hand and you turned back to the two of them. There was no emotion behind your eyes as you looked back at Spencer. 
Cat smirked and looked up at Spencer. “I win.” 
______________________________________________________________
The prison transport was quiet, with the two guards sitting across from Spencer and Cat. It had been silent for about twenty minutes, but then, Cat spoke up. 
“Do you know why I did this? Why I really did this?” 
Spencer looked down at his hands. “You wanted to prove I'm a monster just like you.”
“No... Silly. I just wanted to see you again. I just wanted to make sure that you would never forget about me.” She sighed. “'Cause when they do put that needle in my arm, I just want there to be even the slightest chance that... Maybe you're still thinking about me…”
Spencer stiffened as she placed her head on his shoulder. “You didn't have to terrorize 3 innocent people. You could've just written a letter.” 
“Would you have written me back?” 
When Spencer didn’t respond, Cat knew her answer. 
“Bye, Spencie. I really enjoyed our date.” She smiled at him desperately, getting dragged out of the vehicle by the guards to the prison. 
______________________________________________________________
The elevator door opened and Spencer walked out of it, his whole body reeked of defeat, and he barely looked at Emily as she spoke.  “We need to debrief.” 
Spencer just walked right past her, and into the bullpen. His expression changed when he saw you on one side talking to Tara, and Max on the other, looking up at him right as he walked in. 
“Spencer, are you okay?” 
Her voice caught your ear, and immediately you looked up to see her walk over and embrace him in a hug. 
He smiled at her, and grateful returned the hug before muttering that he would be back, and explain everything.
You were never going to get back together with Spencer, but watching it in real time was like unlacing an old wound. 
Spencer walked over to you, and you stood up as he approached. 
“Uh, Tara, would you mind giving us…”
She nodded at him and walked away. 
Both of you went to speak, trying to say something to the other. 
“I should explain all of this.” 
Spencer shook his head. “You don’t have to explain any of that Y/n—it doesn’t.” 
You cut him off. “It was fake—most of it. I didn’t kill anyone, Spence. I was just lying to her to get her to send the text from my phone. It was all…It was made up.” 
He just nodded, staring at you really. 
You gave him a soft smile, and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. Both of you could feel the pulse between it, making you remove your hand and take a small step back. 
“Thank you for saving my sister and father.” 
Spencer watched your resolve fully formed, masking whatever you were feeling. He hated watching it happen to him, watching as you placed whatever feelings you had back into somewhere he couldn’t find. 
Garcia walked over and placed a hand on Spencer’s shoulder. “I just need you both to know, Cat Adams had a miscarriage, but it was months after whatever encounter you had. It’s not your fault. We looked at her records.” She was speaking low for you both, yet both of you let out a quiet sigh of relief. 
“They filled me in on everything that happened between both of you in the past couple years, and they asked me if I would be willing to…help them beat her.” 
Spencer looked up at you, and unlike yourself, every single emotion Spencer was feeling was racing across his face. 
He didn’t like that you knew about everything that had gone down. He was so happy you were okay. He was a little impressed by the way you beat Cat at her own game. He was upset that you put yourself in danger. 
“They gave me an ear piece and everything.” 
Spencer shook his head. “You’re not trained—that’s extremely dangerous of you.” 
You sighed and nodded. “Unfortunately Spencer, this is…this was the life I was used to when we were together. I knew the stakes. I mean the briefings I had with Hotch after you relapsed…” 
Spencer just clammed up and stood a bit straighter. “ I never knew..”
“It was like that on purpose. I didn’t want you to think that you were a burden or too much or—I was doing it for the potential of…” You cut yourself of, flinching at the parallels between this and your previous final conversation. 
You looked over at Garcia. “I need my bag Pen.” You whispered, taking a step away from Spencer. “I shouldn’t…I finished my job. My family is safe…” 
She had a rueful look on her face, but she nodded and took your arm, walking you back over to the desk where your stuff was. 
He looked up at Emily and walked over to her. “I’m…uh. I’m gonna go walk her out and then I’ll be right back.” 
Emily gave him the saddest smile, and just nodded. She knew that nothing she could say could make it any better. 
You grabbed your coat, and your bag, and the two of you walked to the elevator in silence, riding it all the way down to the parking garage, where your car was still there from this afternoon, all of those hours ago. 
You looked over at Spencer, tears in your eyes, having not said anything to him. 
As soon as he met your eyes, you dropped your bag, and Spencer wrapped his arms around you tightly, just holding you and resting his head on yours; trying to give you the comfort that he was rarely able to give you. 
Sobbing into his arms, you just tightly wrapped your arms around his torso and just held onto him tightly. Trying to decompress, trying to truly understand everything that had happened in the past twelve hours. 
It was Spencer who spoke first. 
“I’m so so sorry Y/n.” He whispered. “I never meant any of this to happen to you, and for you to get dragged back here and—” 
You shook your head slightly, but didn’t move from where you were. Neither of you did. 
“It’s what she wanted, Spence, and unfortunately for us, this was always bound to happen.” You whispered. 
The hug felt so good, but something about it was just so different. 
It’s not the way it used to be. 
“I need to go Spencer.” 
He nodded, and this time you moved away from him. His hand came up and wiped away one of the remaining tears on your cheek. 
You closed your eyes, and took a deep breath. 
“Oh fuck, why is this so fucking hard four years later.” You laughed, trying to regain any sort of composure. 
“Y/n…”
You took another step away from him and shook your head. 
“We can’t—I’m not.” You tried so hard to find the right words without bursting into tears again. “Spencer. I cannot put myself back to where I was four years ago. I can’t do it. And yes things have changed, but maybe that is for the better. Maybe you were always meant to be my maybe, and not my always.” 
You took another breath, but kept going. “You are amazing, and funny, and so smart Spence. But this…we ran our course. It didn’t work then, and I don’t know if I have it in me to try again just for it to fail.” 
“Y/n please.” 
“I will always love you but this…It’s time to…It’s time to stop. I have to go back to my life, and you go back upstairs to yours, with Prentiss and Rossi and Penelope and…Max.” 
Both of you winced as you said her name, but you took a step forward, moving to kiss him on the cheek. 
Spencer gently grabbed you face, giving you enough time to back out. 
You didn’t. 
His lips locked with yours, his thumb rubbing against your cheek as the two of you shared one more moment, just for the two of you. 
But it had to end. 
You couldn’t go back to the anxiety, the arguing, the petty disagreements. It wasn’t good for you. It was good for either of you. 
Stepping away again, you gently kissed his cheek, and started to slowly walk to your car. 
Right as you got to your car, you turned around and made eye contact with him one last time before the elevator doors closed, both of you with the most gut wrenching smile slightly plastered across your faces. 
You mouthed goodbye, unable to speak it out loud, and he nodded, tears filling his eyes as he whispered it back to you. 
The doors shut. 
You were all alone in this hollow parking garage. 
Your heart was aching, burning. 
But there was a sigh of relief, that came with the doors closing, and saying goodbye for the last, last time. 
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jo-harrington · 1 day
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Chuck (Eddie Munson)
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Summary: It's just a regular closing shift at Benny's. Easy peasy. Nothing bad could possibly happen.
Word Count: 3.5k
Characters: Eddie, Jeff, Benny Hammond
Themes/Warnings: Boys will be boys, friendship, smutty intrusive thoughts, Masturbation(?), Food Fucking, Eddie has an unspecified romantic partner (could be Steve, could be Reader, could be anyone that's not what this story is about), Song Fic, What's a Little Psychological Torture Between Friends…
Note: You know what? In true unhinged fashion, I had to write this for @courtingchaos on her birthday and not only that but give her some credit here. This was born from us being stuck in a car on Lake Shore Drive, hangry and a little slap happy, on the way to Navy Pier after I witnessed something that was probably very similar (in the most innocuous way) at a suburban Burger King.
Meg, you are my life. My world. You are my Cheese. Burger. And this one's for you. Happy Birthday.
Thank you AGAIN to @dr-aculaaa for the beta and @deathbecomesthem for some of the diner lingo. Disclaimer that I never worked at a diner so this is probably horribly inaccurate...but just suspend your sense of disbelief if you have.
You can find my masterlist here.
Please do not interact if you are not 18+.
Enjoy!
If anyone wants to get the full effect of this fic, you need to put Mr. Roboto on repeat for the duration of your time reading.
---
5:55PM
Jeff stared at the clock as he wiped down the counter.
Every tick of the second hand had him gritting his teeth a little more, enough where he should probably worry that he was gonna crack a tooth. All because Eddie was late for his closing shift.
Their closing shift.
And not just late, late again. For the third time in as many days they worked together.
If he even showed up.
Now Jeff wasn't one to complain. Shit, Eddie was the one to suggest that he apply at Benny's in the first place and put a good word in for his best friend.
Ben was getting a little older and wanted to enjoy what was left of his youth while he still had it, instead of solely being stuck behind his grill for the rest of his life. An extra waitress on the weekends, an extra line cook during the week, and the business ran smoothly, even when he decided to take a day off.
And Eddie was pretty much employee of the month, knowing all of the regulars orders like the back of his hand.
Until Jeff started getting scheduled alongside him.
Until Eddie started going on dates, and started "going steady" with someone.
Until Eddie started playing hooky to go and suck face and god knows what else while parked up at the quarry.
Jeff let his fist slam against the counter as another minute ticked away, only for the bell of the door to chime and Eddie walk in, shrugging his apron on and shedding his leather jacket in a flustered rush.
"Sorry I'm late," he said with an easy smile on kiss-swollen lips. Jeff rolled his eyes at the sight and at the apology. "Oh come on, I promise I'll be on time tomorrow. Scout's honor." Eddie crossed his finger over his heart.
"You weren't a scout," Jeff retorted.
"Hey now," Eddie teased, starting in on one of his typical Munson-isms that usually ended up in forgiveness or forgetfulness. "I actually was. For one day before some snot-nosed kid pushed me over and I accidentally said fuck. Then they asked me to leave. But once a scout, always a scout."
Jeff hummed and turned on his heel to push back into the kitchen and start prepping for the dinner rush.
The thing was...they worked really well together. They had a good routine of noting what tasks needed to be done throughout the night. It's not like the diner was ever that busy on weeknights and Benny had been doing it alone for years, but it was nice to have someone you got along with at work.
Well it was nice...when they were there. It was nice when your work buddy was actually reliable and helped you out, which made Jeff feel bad because Eddie was his friend, his best friend. But Jeff could let Eddie's luck and charisma let him slide through his responsibilities.
So Eddie was about to find out what kind of hell it was when you were in the weeds alone.
---
Jeff had gone out to take an order when the phone rang.
Eddie grabbed the receiver with a quick "yello'" only to get a familiar voice rasping on the other end.
"Can I speak to Jeffrey please?" came the reply from someone dramatically sounding like Edith Bunker.
Eddie rolled his eyes. "Gareth, I know it's you," he sighed.
"No, this is Jeff's grandma," the younger boy kept up the ruse, snickering a little at the end. "I need to talk to him."
Eddie let his head roll back on his shoulders as he heard the stifled giggling of his friend over the line, and then he peeked his head out of the passthrough.
"Jeff!" he called out. "Your grandma's calling."
Jeff donned an exaggerated and fake look of concern; he jogged across the diner and grabbed the receiver from Eddie's hand.
"Hello?" he answered and Eddie watched as his expressions got more animated, as did his voice. "Grandma? Oh no, what happened...an accident? You need help? You need me to leave work and come home right away?"
"What?!" Eddie shrieked and reached out to snatch the receiver back from Jeff's hand. He placed it against his ear but only heard Gareth laughing and then the ring tone. He was about to ask Jeff what the hell was going on, only to find him pulling his apron over his head. "Come on now, where do you think you're going?"
"I've gotta leave," Jeff shook his head frantically. "It's my grandma, she's in the hospital, I've gotta go."
"Jeff, come on."
"There's no one else to take care of her."
"Seriously. Quit it."
"You'll be ok by yourself tonight right?" Jeff ignored everything Eddie said and looked at him expectantly as he dug his hand in his pockets for his car keys.
For a moment, Eddie felt the panic rise within him; he figured Jeff was a little upset that he bailed the past few nights but...seriously it wasn't anything that Jeff couldn't handle.
Was his friend really that mad?
"Listen I'm sorry I bailed on work a few times this week," he apologized, but Jeff just shook his head and pulled out a roll of quarters.
Then another.
Then another.
And the panic Eddie had faded into curiosity, then realization.
No, Jeff wasn't mad; he was annoyed.
"Hey listen, it's just for tonight so I can check on my grandma, you'll be ok," Jeff explained as he walked over to the old jukebox in the corner of the dining room. He began loading the old machine up with quarters and punching buttons in rapid succession. "I'll even make it up to you. You can have all the tips in the tip jar from before you got here earlier and I'll put on some music that you'll like. Hey look, Ben took your advice and updated this a little.
"He even has your favorite Ed," Jeff glanced over his shoulder. "Styx."
Eddie groaned in loathing this time, thinking of the power ballads and synthesizer nightmares he was about to endure because his friend was gonna get back at him.
The Grand Illusion. Or worse Paradise Theater.
The records inside of the machine shifted as they queued up tracks for the next however-long Jeff had paid for.
"Don't do this Jeff," Eddie pleaded as his friend grabbed his jacket from the coatrack by the door. "I'll never skip work again. I promise. Just stay."
"But my grandma needs me Eddie..." he whined and then winked at Eddie before running out the door. "Have fun."
Eddie sighed and accepted defeat as the door shut and Jeff was gone, all while the sparkly synthesized voice began amidst electronic fanfare...
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto...
---
7PM
You know what? It didn't start out that bad.
"You're wondering who I am," Eddie sang along and bopped to the beat as he flipped burgers on the flat top. "Secret, secret, I've got a secret."
He had food to cook and orders to take and he fell right back into the routine of those short staffed nights when Benny started to realize how much he valued his personal time, but right before Jeff was hired.
It would be fine.
And there was a little musical accompaniment? Even better.
He figured that he might start loading the machine up with quarters before his shifts from now on, instead leaving it up to the chance of the customers.
"Machine or Mannequin?" He did a little spin. "Secret secret, I've got a secret."
Eddie hadn't even realized that the song that started out the night--Mr. Roboto--repeated itself until he got back to the kitchen, and then it repeated again.
And again.
He had to admit it was growing on him though. Like a cancer, but still growing. So he either needed to adapt or it would kill him. The lyrics were catchy, he could dance to it a little, and there was a good beat that he could almost headbang to if he tried.
It wasn't even that he hated Styx, he just hated what Styx stood for. Mainstream popular music. It was commercial and sanitized. Yeah Babe wasn't that bad of a song. And neither was this one. Shit...if he really thought about it, was the band even really that popular? They were underdogs, and he always rooted for an underdog.
"With parts made in Japan," he sang into his spatula and slapped slices of cheese onto his patties for dramatic effect. "I am thee modern man!"
---
8PM
So if you see me, acting strangely, don't be surprised.
There was a little bell at the pass that got hit whenever an order was up.
Of course, with Eddie being the only one working it didn’t need to get hit.
Still, every time Eddie passed it, he just had to tap his hand on the bell along with whatever verse or instrumental was playing.
I’m a man who needed someone and somewhere to hide.
It wasn’t getting to him.
No. Not at all.
It was just a graduation from him playing air guitar with a broom and drumming on the counter with spoons.
Ding ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding ding ding.
Eddie tapped at the bell with both hands at the crescendo and then went to the walk-in to scream.
Nothing to worry about.
---
9PM
I’ve come to help you with your problems, so we can be free.
“Hey can you change the song at all? This one’s been repeating for a while.”
Eddie smiled tightly at the guy at the head of the long rectangular table and then dropped the blue plate special down in front of him with a clatter.
“It’s broken,” he explained, not wanting to get into it.
Several customers had asked already; it was getting as annoying as people who said they were tipping with kindness. Obviously if he could get another song on the jukebox, he would.
How many fucking quarters had Jeff put in there?
“Could you unplug it? Plug it back in again?”
He’d thought of that too.
But wasn’t it just his luck that they lived in the do-it-yourself amateur handyman Midwest…and the damn thing was wired into the wall itself.
And he really didn’t want to cut the line and have to explain to Benny how an electrical fire burnt down his diner.
“You know what?” Eddie took a slow, calming breath. “This is actually…my favorite song." There was a disbelieving blink. "A-and it’s my birthday.”
The withering look he received made him second guess burning down the place; it actually didn’t seem so bad after all. He could deal with Benny.
I’m just a man whose circumstances went beyond his control. Beyond my control. We all need control.
---
10PM
I am the modern man, who hides behind a mask…
Eddie wore his Freak label proudly.
He accepted it, everyone else accepted it.
But maybe this music was getting to him a little bit as he started noticing of the different inanimate objects around Benny’s that he could potentially fuck.
That was a level of Freak that he really hadn’t embraced yet.
So no one else can see my true identity!
Well, it was sort of always there simmering beneath the surface. He had been a horny teenager and was now a horny young man. There was always a question about what objects he could stick his dick into.
But he’d tried to curb that curiosity after the pool noodle incident.
Now though…he was far enough gone that things were starting to appeal to him again. And it scared him a little bit for those thoughts to pop up during work.
Not enough to stop though.
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto. Domo. Domo.
First it was a bagel with the perfect hole.
Actually, was it even the music causing this? How dare that bagel look so damn fuckable. Cream cheese wouldn’t be the best lube, he had to admit. But he didn’t mind trying. Unfortunately that bagel was needed for someone’s sober-up sandwich.
Then there was a hole in the vinyl of one of the booths. He stared at it every time he brought out an order or bussed a table. Eventually he couldn’t help himself and he lightly ran two fingers over it and then plunged them inside the hole, like a lover would, only to find the edges were jagged and rough…and he was disappointed that it wouldn’t be the most pleasurable experience.
He wasn’t one to say no to a little bit of teeth when getting his dick sucked but that wasn’t what he was looking for right now.
At one point he even considered fucking the jukebox itself. Get it to shut up once and for all.
The logistics weren’t right.
Where would he even put his cock? Just rub the head of him along the coin slot while he jerked off? Pass.
His depravity needed to be put on hold though, because as he was in the walk-in trying to cut a channel into a head of iceberg that might be the perfect fit for him, he spotted a tub of hamburger with a label in Benny’s chicken scratch saying “discard” with the date.
He froze and let his thoughts swirl before he shook his head and put the iceberg down. He slammed his hand against his forehead as though that would make his internal monologue right itself.
Because what the hell was he doing?
Regardless of the absolute torture he was enduring, he was still at work and had a job to do.
Why was he trying to fuck a head of lettuce? Or fingering a hole in a booth. No, he was absolutely losing his mind, he needed to control himself, he needed to get back to work.
He was about to exit the walk-in when he glanced back at the tub.
“Can't forget that tonight,” he muttered to himself as a reminder.
Then back into the kitchen he went.
Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto. Domo. Domo.
---
11PM
“Thank you very much Mr. Roboto,” Eddie muttered as he dropped maraschino cherries into milkshakes. His voice was ragged, desperate. Pleading. “For doing the job nobody wants to.”
“Thank you very much Mr. Roboto,” he deadpanned as he numbly swept the floor. “For helping me escape when I needed to.”
Thank you.
Thank you.
I wanna thank you.
Please thank you.
Thank you thank you.
Thank you thank you.
“Thank you,” Eddie smiled, as the joy finally die inside of his body as he rang out the last customers. But it was rapidly born once again as he waved goodbye. “Thank you thank you!”
---
12AM
The doors were locked, the lights in the dining room closed.
And Eddie stood in the kitchen with a lit cigarette in his mouth as he concentrated on the task at hand.
The problem was plain to see. Too much technology. The jukebox still played out on the floor.
Machines to save our lives? No. Machines dehumanize.
He shouldn’t be fucking the jukebox or a head of lettuce or a bagel. No. He needed something warm and malleable.
Living.
Or well…close enough.
It was the perfect idea! Instead of taking it right to the dumpster, he’d taken the tub of ground chuck out of the walk-in and let it get to room temp at the end of his shift, and now he was standing there molding it into the right shape.
He was ready and aching after palming himself in anticipation. He’d meticulously wrapped his hard cock in plastic wrap, for lack of a better option. He needed this.
He deserved this.
Why hadn’t he ever thought of this before?
The time has come at last…
He put out the cigarette in the meat then lined up with the channel he'd crafted. He hissed as he sunk in—synthesized angels sung all around him, guitars strumming in harmony—and finally felt relief for the first time all night.
Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret.
His hips rocked in time with the beat, driving deeper and deeper. He felt the slightest bit of cold when he finally bottomed out, the center of the Chuck not entirely at room temp yet. It was an unexpected thrill and he shuddered as pleasure shot through him.
He let his head fall back and he laughed with the feeling, laughed uncontrollably, and the sound echoed through the diner, forever scarring the walls with wicked glee.
To throw away this mask.
It was strange, fucking what was essentially a mass of viscous sludge. Not bad, just strange. Not entirely wet but not dry either. Maybe it was perfect actually, something he never knew he needed. Just for him. A little slice of cheese...er, heaven...just for him.
Especially when he formed meat to suit his desires as it shifted.
That feral grin stayed on his lips as he worked himself to completion, as he pumped mercilessly.
Secret, secret, I’ve got a secret.
And somewhere in all of the hubbub, Eddie came to the conclusion that although it wasn’t perfect, he could get used to it if he had to.
Because he had to.
He'd be stuck here forever, lost in Dennis DeYoung's vocal prison until the end of time.
Now everyone can see my true identity.
He thrust harder and faster, panting and kneading and clenching until all he knew was the meat and secret secrets and his own depravity as he spiraled downwards further into insanity.
I'm Kilroy.
He felt it coming.
Kilroy.
Cumming.
Kilroy.
It exploded out of him with those last few emphasized beats of the synthesizer. He felt the cling wrap bulge with his spend, felt the tingles along his spine and through his limbs as his orgasm shot through his body.
He leaned over, satiated, until his nose brushed the meat in sensuous exhaustion.
Kilroy.
He could hear his pulse in his ears, along with a buzzing din of tinnitus, and the ticking of a clock out in the dining room.
But where he expected the beginning of the next round of torture, Eddie only heard silence.
He breathed heavy, broken breaths. Gulps of air that felt like too much oxygen and not enough at the same time. He felt lightheaded.
It was over.
His punishment finally over.
He closed his eyes and thanked whatever God or Demon gifted him with this boon, and then his eyes shot open and he stood straight up as he stared at the mess he made.
"Fuck."
---
The Next Day, 5PM
Jeff felt like the cat that ate the cream when he drove to work the following day.
He felt a little bad about what he’d done to Eddie, and he had all the intention to make it back to Benny’s around 7 or 8, but Gareth had convinced him not to.
“Come on,” he’d told Jeff. “You know Eddie’s gonna get a good laugh out of it.”
“Yeah! Besides,” Dave interjected. “Shame on him for leaving you up shit’s creek so much. Hopefully this’ll teach him a lesson.”
And Jeff agreed with them.
He and Eddie were friends but that didn’t mean Eddie could walk all over him.
He was glad to see the van parked in Benny’s lot when he arrived for his shift, and as far as he could tell, everything was normal when he walked in.
Ben was at the grill and Eddie at the counter.
Actually, everything looked better than normal. Everything in the diner looked squeaky clean and under the smells of cooked food, there was a tinge of the disinfectant they used to deep clean.
“You must’ve had the slowest night ever if you did a deep clean of the place,” Jeff clapped a hand on Eddie’s back and noticed that Eddie stiffened under his touch. “What time did all those quarters run out?”
Eddie laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck.
“Little after midnight,” he chuckled. “And it was fine. But, uh, now I know better than to fuck with you again.”
“Yeah you’re on time today, you beat me here!”
Eddie grabbed his arm as he passed and then leaned in close, voice pleading and desperate.
“I’ll never be late again, won’t be a no show, but please…don’t ever subject me to that hell again. Please.”
"Scout's honor," Jeff cackled.
Upon Eddie’s look of relief, Jeff headed back to get himself settled.
He chatted with Benny for a second before the older man left for the night. But as he went to the walk-in to get more onions to chop, he noticed something.
“Hey Ed!” He called out through the pass and Eddie turned. “Thanks for tossing that ground chuck! Or…Domo arigato I guess heh.”
He turned back to the task at hand, so he didn’t notice all the color drain from Eddie’s face.
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nomsfaultau · 5 months
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autism won this week lads, I had a nice easy assignment to write a 1.5 k story. It’s 11k. The max we’re allowed to turn in is 15 pages and I’m at double that wahooooooo let’s GOOO
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murdleandmarot · 4 months
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A quick bluebelle painting :))
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longagoitwastuesday · 1 month
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I have learnt things about Geto that I wish I could unlearn
#I think I'm getting about the same amount of spoilers as a few weeks ago except now I understand them#But like. I expected so much of him#Seeing gifs of that one scene in which Gojo gets distracted because of Geto almost made me watch this a year ago#Geto was actually my favourite character in that one JJK fanfic I read that I mention so often even if he had literally one scene#I know so much of the emotional turmoil and conflict in JJK and Gojo in particular depends on him#And you're telling me he's Thanos?#I learnt a few days ago that everything pretty much happens in one year. That there's one year between Geto's death and Gojo's#I thought it would be like ten years. Ten years of the act haunting him#But no? So it's not a broken teenager who has these ideas and is killed by another teenager to stop him?#It's a what? ~30yo man saying Light levels of stupidity? Even worse perhaps?#Goodness I hope this is not so. I hope this is better written than what I am seeing#Because goddammit I can't do it. It would kinda ruin every emotional scene from then on?#That one scene I was so looking forwards about patting Gojo's back or whatever. The one in which Gojo gets distracted. It just. I don't know#I won't be able to be moved if Geto doesn't work xD#I was fearing I wasn't going to like him a lot because my expectations were big but oh my god please not like this#This is way worse than I expected. Someone tell me he actually makes sense. What's the point of this whole political play#in which no one is fully wrong and no one is totally right otherwise? What is the point of the haunting. This feels just idiotic xD#And I don't care about the traumas and all that. That works for the teen not the ~30yo man#It would have worked if Gojo would have killed him like 1-2 years after everything not like a few months ago. Last winter#After like ten years a 30yo man should have realised this plan sucks.#Even if it's utilitarian. Who is going to make clothes? Buildings? Streets and railways? Bread??? Go have a talk with Nanami please#We have been told there are not a lot of jujutsu sorcerers. How are you going to fulfill all those needs out of nothing?#And even if it were little by little so the needs could be getting fulfilled little by little too#If you decimate humans won't that cause more curses? I guess he's thinking on the long run but still this plan seems like a mess#I hope it makes more sense than it's looking it will make because of my god this would truly be the last nail on the coffin xD#I am being more and more tempted to get to Utahime and then just drop this. This is breaking my heart xD#It could be soooo good and it always almost is#And then. AND THEN. Abfksbfndbfkan#Jen pick me up. Come solve this. I am scared xD#I talk too much
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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months
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magentagalaxies · 4 months
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vent incoming:
got my grades back for my courses last semester and most of it was to be expected, mostly A's, maybe an A-, etc. but i honestly can't get over the fact that my independent study (the buddy cole documentary) was for some reason given a B. like sure getting a B isn't bad per se, I usually get at least one B every semester and i honestly don't really care about what my exact gpa is as long as i can graduate, but come on. this school put me through months of psychological torment over this project and didn't even have the nerve to give me a B+??? i'm still coping with the self-doubt they forced on me and this bullshit is not helping!!
#honestly it's kind of hilarious ngl. especially bc i also got my documentary work counted as an independent study the previous semester#and the previous semester even tho i barely worked on the doc itself#(mostly just planning and putting together the crowdfunding which was still a lot of work but like compare it to the past few months)#they were willing to give me an A (my school doesn't do A+ so this is the highest mark possible)#vs this semester. like i'll admit my final assignment was late and could have been more polished#but i was literally on tour in documentary-mode 24/7 for several weeks. i filmed an entire comedy special! i put together a live interview!#not to mention having to fucking negotiate with my own college censoring the footage they'd promised me of an event i put together#and play nice with a professor who literally outed me on twitter in an attempt to cancel one of my best friends#at this point the ''B'' feels more like a petty grudge than anything else#like ok we can't get away with *actually* fucking over jessamine's grades bc clearly ze did do the work. but let's just give zir a B#like i will admit the audio quality in my final isn't great. and i could have used more polished footage in some sections#but counterpoint: 100+ students were arrested at a protest while i was editing and i was having a mental breakdown#the fact that i finished *anything* is goddamn impressive especially after they essentially conditioned me to hate myself any time i was#working on a project i loved!!!#due to the aforementioned student arrests my college did put out an option where we could change any letter grade this semester to pass/fai#so anything passing wouldn't impact our gpa if we didn't want it to. so i could just change the B to a ''pass''#but really what's the point. ''B'' is still a good grade and my GPA is fine (3.65 on a 4.0 grading scale. 2.0 is required to graduate)#it just sucks that after what i went through last semester i feel like nobody takes it seriously#i was reminiscing earlier about how it's honestly kind of funny how after that professor outed me on twitter#i was at the hotel with scott like an hour later sobbing and having an existential crisis about my relationship to gender#and scott was so supportive but also awkwardly being like#''i know i should offer the crying child a tissue but where the fuck are the tissues in this room what do i do''#and he just handed me a full-on towel instead like oh my god he was trying his best but also so clearly out of his depth#but of course i then had to remember how when i told that story to a different professor to be like ''this is how much scott cares about me#this guy called me fucking UNPROFESSIONAL for crying in front of the subject of my documentary?????????#like yeah maybe so but how DARE you call me unprofessional when a different professor tweeted my full name and gender without my consent#in an attempt to fucking cancel one of my friends for ''misgendering'' me for using pronouns i'm fine with him using!!!#i don't think i'm ever going to be able to forgive my college and i don't know how i'll be able to get through one more semester#that experience genuinely changed things about my psychology that i'm not proud of and i need to work through#so if i have to miss a goddamn kids in the hall event because i have class this november i am going to set something on fire
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barley-st-band · 4 months
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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now that my PI is like hey you should actually be sitting in the lab to write instead of doing it at home im shooting one million lasers at his head in my mind. fuck off
#exploding and killing even. WHO GIVE A WHOLE FUCKING SHIT MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!#ESPECIALLY since our AC is fucked up rn and my office is the only fucking one thats still hot#hes like oh you can work in [other girls] office shes out this week!!! like omg thank youuuuu thats a perfect setup for me 🥰🙏🏻#working in someone elses office doing work i can do exclusively at home because you think i should be in here even when you and nobody else#is. or you are but its not like we’re even seeing each other. awesome!!! 😁😁😁😁😁❣️#i dont know why hes doing this now. he literally hasnt given a shit before like he said verbatim when i joined the lab a YEAR AGO that he#doesnt need us to be in here all the time if we dont have anything in-person that we have to do. as long as we’re getting our work done.#AND I AM BITCH. SO WHY. THE FUCK. ARE YOU THROWING A LITTLE PISSY FIT ABOUT IT NOW. KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#okay whatever. i really like him and hes a lot better than some other PIs that have their students coming like 8-5 even if they have nothing#to do. like literally to the point where theyre playing cards and watching movies and shit. so it could be worse#but i dont know why he is MAKING it worse. when we literally had a perfectly fine lab dynamic going on. WHATS YOUR DEAL!!!!!#ugh whatever. its probably just bc its summer and hes like why the hell am i in the lab if nobody else is!!!!!#well man sorry to say it but you have kids. so im sure if you need work done you have to come here. but i dont have shit so i CAN work from#home with no problem. okay whatever rant done im not even that upset im just annoyed as fuck and idgaf if he said we should be here usually#9-4 my ass is leaving at 2:30 today to grocery shop and go the fuck home so i can actually get work done KILLS PEOPLE
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pallases · 9 months
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PROF ROUNDING GRADE UP AMEN 🙏🏻
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pa-pa-plasma · 10 months
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i'm going to fucking kill someone. i got screamed at & called selfish & stupid for telling my mom to wear a mask. she gave me covid
#& you wanna know the kicker? she's going on a vacation. yeah. she's going on a plane right now while badly sick with covid#how do i communicate with people who are literally missing their brain?#it was my sister who screamed at me btw. she feels the need to play devil's advocate whenever i open my mouth#my mom did what she always does & coughed 17 times without covering her mouth & then sat down in the livingroom to doomscroll for 7 hours#what the actual fuck is it with parents & not covering their mouths when they cough or sneeze? they straight up just spray people with covi#& then laugh about it when you point it out as if spreading the fucking plague is funny#best part is that we're pretty sure her getting covid 5 times a year because she refuses to wear masks killed her husband#not joking about that btw. all she had to say oh ''ooh yeah that would explain it''#like ??????????????????????#i didn't get the chance to go grocery shopping either so now i dont have any fresh food#if i have to eat one more frozen or processed meal i'm gonna fucking kill someone. & now i cant do that because i have basic empathy#i don't even feel right ordering food cuz like. i have to interact with someone to do that (can't pay online)#i avoid covid for this long & then get it because ''people look at you weird if you wear masks. you wouldn't get it''#bitch i'm queer. i wear queer pins. i wear a queer jacket. you're telling ME i wouldn't get receiving weird looks???#god my sister wants to be oppressed so fucking bad. i'm sorry but bitch isn't a slur & you're a fucking coward for not wearing masks#i hope you cant fucking work for weeks because of this bullshit. bitch
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melissa-titanium · 1 year
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GOD therseomuch shit to do i thought id have time today to DO stuff. its the fucking weekend why do ihave to do 2 classes and go outside and literally do something for school . the weekDAYS are always busy i havent had a free moment since i fucking joined
#mel roars#and i forgot to clean cicis fucking litter#like forgot as in for nearly a week#everyone always asks why im never getting another fucking pet THAT is why#because if i cant take care of it then all thats gonna happen is its going to suffer under my care#i have so much fucking due art SO many people messaging me i was LITERALLY going to delete my toyhouse account 2 days ago just to fucking#have a moment of relief#ITS NOT EVEN THAT BAD ACTUALLY. this ius normal for so many people to balance their social lives and school and work and shit but i CANT#i cant adhere to a schedule ill lose my fucking mind#i was miserable at my dads but god if it wasnt awesome to Have Free Time#i guess not talking to human beings or going outside for 2 straight years had its Perks#im so fucking sorry to everyone who has to deal with me i am SINCERELY so fucking sorry#i want to do so much stuff with so many people but its always Oh sorry i had to do something :( Sorry i cant do it today Sorry im not free#Sorry sorry sorry SORRY FUCKKKKKKK FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK WHY CANT I ACTUALLY JUST DO SOMETHING WORTHWHILE#ITS ALWAYS APOLOGIES AND YET??? NOTHING EVER CHANGES???????#and everyone knows this. every single person i have ever spoken to knos im a fucking shit at keeping promises or apologies and it SUCKS it#fucking sucks. can some one take me into their garage and put me down Please#pleas eplease pleasePLEAePLEASAE PLEASE i cant take it anymore fucking help me#i just need SOME one to tell me Directly that i am doing things wrong that im UPSETTING them because i KNOW I AM but i also DONT#unless i recieve it directly from them. god . pleasae. can someone just tell me to shut the fuck up alreasdy
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elytrafemme · 2 years
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today might be a lyric posting on main kinda day
#nightmare.personal#GF said she was excited to see me later and sent me a heart and a smiley emoji#and it's the PINK hearts which I think in her heart rankings I learned last May that's a good thing?#but maybe purple is better but like why would she make me the worse one compared to what she made my ex#that doesn't make any sense also did i mention that my ex's first kiss i think was with my current girlfriend#i feel like this is some ruse but i was the one who pitched the date so nothing bad is going to happen but i don't think she likes me?#like i don't think my girlfriend actually likes me because i haven't seen her in forever#like i didn't see her at ALL yesterday and i mean i had to mediate an argument with her and my other friend#and that was like a week ago and we definitely spoke after that but i think she still remembers#and i HAVE to look good today but it's really cold outside so i don't know how to impress her#because I don't know what traits about me that she actually LIKES and that's like so difficult?#because I don't know what i need to play up to get her to really like me she isn't giving me ANYTHING#does she think i'm attractive? does she think i'm smart? does she think i'm kind? like WHAT IS IT.#because if i don't KNOW then i have to just be me and that's not going to work!#dating is so fucking difficult what the hell i'm going to explode#maybe I do my makeup today OOH I COULD PAINT MY NAILS#maybe that iwll make me better#no but then i have to hide the nails from my mom God dammit.#oh and i can't listen to music because my brother wants me to change my spotify username!!!#so if he sees me listening! he'll know i haven't! but i also don't think he follows me?#i don't think i like my brother very much#i keep trying to decide if there's something wrong with me and honestly i'm not so sure i think there isn't#but the fact i said that will make you think there is so there's no point anyway
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taardisblue · 2 years
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#google how do I say ‘yes I’ll get the file done however there will be a 30 min delay due to me needing to cry in the bathroom about it’#but like in a professional way#I’m so fucking tired god bless#seeing my actual career manager tomorrow and I’m supposed to tell her about workload overloads but lol#A. it’s not like she’ll actually let me back out of her perimeter#which arguably isn’t the busiest one but Is supposed to be secondary#B. I’m already getting tackled by my actual managers#about how I ‘really shouldn’t be taking on too much work’#like. fuckers. you’re the ones giving me the work I have to do.#’oh yeah just tell us what we can help you with’ my dude I don’t even understand enough what I’m doing to know what I need help with#and the stuff I do understand and could delegate is stuff You Don’t Know How To Do#and it’s just. the solicitous bullshit gets on my goddamn nerves bc.#YOU decided to assign me to the additional perimeter!! so now you don’t get to be mad when I have to spend hours on said additional topic!!#not how this works!!! and being all disapproving about me working too much is just the opposite of helping fuck you#fuck you fuck you fuck this fuck you#.txt#all that to say. no fucking clue what I’ll say tomorrow. bc I have had enough of being told off for shit that isn’t my fault#but I also have had enough of having to be like :) yes I definitely don’t mind that this ‘short rush period’ had been going on for 7 weeks#ok complaining window over back to (the useless utterly meaningless) work#yk at the old job there was always the silver lining of ‘I can quit! I can do something else!’#but now…. I Am at the ‘doing something else’ job. i got nothing else.#ok whatever I do need to get back to work bc I will Also be complained at if I send the file to the client at ‘an unreasonable hour’#like fuck you man if you’d paid for the actual staffing you needed you wouldn’t be getting emails at 10 pm#‘tell us if you’re having a hard time’ oh yeah that’s gonna go great. hi Simon I can’t industrialize the tooling this morning.#why? well you see getting up in the morning has become a struggle equal to what it was when I was actively suic*dal. hope this helps.#anyway did you want to review the slide drafts before the touch point?#yeah. that will go. really well. god. fuck this.
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exopelagic · 3 months
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I know the world is cruel because I finally wanna draw again and yet I am forced to pack :(
#I’m actually looking forward to this summer which is wild#okay I mean like. I’m home for half and then back here for half for internship#8 weeks is a very nice amount of time to be doing smth that you’re kinda looking forward to but nervous about bc it’s long but not That long#I can put up with shit for 8 weeks on either side#but I have plans!! I have volunteering and coding my supervisor sent me to deal with while I’m home#and I NEED the break so bad oh my god#and then back for internship is only 4 days a week so I’ll get a good chunk of free time#I wanna get into Actual Exercise which I’ll be able to do hopefully when I’m back and then can see how that works for when uni starts again#bc my friend has offered to help me w stuff which is cool as hell of him#and the internship is smth not directly science so it’s a test run for Doing Other Stuff#which I’m rlly looking forward to actually? I need to know what Else is out there and I think I’ll actually really enjoy this#I have a feeling this summer is going to be a time of Figuring Shit Out bc I mean. for a start there’s a lot I gotta start figuring out#but also will be hopefully some of the least stressful few months I’ve had in forever#like I get to go home and not deal with any major school pressure. and then come back and have regular schedule#which returns me to being a person while doing smth interesting AND not dealing with home stuff#yknow it’s kinda wild actually but now that I have a task (packing) I’m feeling a little more like a person. but that might also be the#actually talking to my friends more recently/going outside. who can tell. man I always forget how much I need physical stuff#thoughts are a little disjointed here bc this draft decided to disappear and reappear 3 hours later but! I’m actually feeling decent now#which is messed up I’ve never been okay about going home for summer before. still wanna draw though. maybe tonight if I have time#oh man I get results for bachelors in like 2 weeks. that’s a slight damper. but the hardest part of my degree is done now#the next year of my life should be nicer!! at the very least the next few months will probably be pretty nice or at least manageable so!#beating the lingering grip of depression back with a stick we’re DONE with that now thank you#luke.txt
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okcoolthanks · 6 months
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How to stop feeling like an awful person after accidentally crossing someone’s boundary even though you talked to them about it and apologized and know you won’t do it again and they understood it was an accident and it’s fine and you two are still on good terms
#god I just#Ughhghhg#I can’t stop THINKING about it it wasn’t even that bad they said i was doing a bit and it was getting annoying#and I said i was sorry like multiple times and I said I won’t do that but again and they were like ‘no you can! it just got a little annoyi#ng it’s fine!’ and I still feel like a terrible person#I think I’m tired that’s gotta be it#or I’m mentally going through what I went through with my old friends and how I got mad at them and lashed out when I shouldn’t have and#refused to apologize and got into a big argument and then had one conversation about it and got mad again and then lashed out AGAIN and then#texted that I didn’t want to be friends any more and then I cried for weeks and every time I’d see one of them I’d want to throw up and I wa#s constantly miserable I didn’t want to go to school and I did everything that I could ok the comic because it was a fun distraction but it#also made me sad because I wanted to finish it and show it to them but they weren’t ever actually interested in it and I never got to show#them and I even made two characters in it based on two of my best friends in that group at the time and now I don’t know if I should delete#them entirely or keep it or change the characters???????? I don’t know#fuck#oh yeah one of those best friends basically took the plot of HBD and changed it a little and is gonna make a fucking short film with it#it’s a stupid fucking plot too it’s one of those like coming of age stories where the main character wears a ghost sheet and it’s actually a#metaphore for being socially anxious because he has a bad home life but then! then he’s walking to class and someone steps on the sheet and#it comes off! and they become best friends and they work through their problems!#Jesus fucking Christ I can’t believe her#I told her it was similar and that she should change it but we were gonna discuss that the week I texted I wasn’t coming back so#If she makes it I’m gonna sue her I don’t fucking care I told her I fucking told her and later that fucking day she ‘came up with it on her#own’ fucking Christ man get a life#I need to stop typing and go to sleep idk why I did that#sorry for the rant!
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