#my mom did what she always does & coughed 17 times without covering her mouth & then sat down in the livingroom to doomscroll for 7 hours

[pa-pa-plasma]

i'm going to fucking kill someone. i got screamed at & called selfish & stupid for telling my mom to wear a mask. she gave me covid

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? Wow, that would really, really suck, ha. For someone like me with no life and who spends a lot of time on the internet... yikes. Sounds sad, but it’s true. I would miss Tumblr and surveys and checking my social medias and looking up random stuff and shopping online. I mean, obviously I’d have to adapt and move on, and hey maybe something good would come from it, but yeah just imagining that sounds awful haha.  2. What food are you craving at the moment? I’m not hungry right now, but I am thinking about that pizza I had Monday haha. It was SO good. I could definitely go for another.  3. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I wanna travel. Last week my dad flew out to visit family and I was so envious that he was getting to fly somewhere and get out of town/state for a few days. I’ve only flown a total of 2 times, which was over 10 years ago now. I’ve gone along to take and pick up people from the airport many times; though, and each time I always get the urge to fly somewhere. I get this butterfly type feeling each time I’ve gone to the airport and I just wanna gooooo.

4. Where was the last place you went and what did you do there? I went to the doctor yesterday for my monthly check up on something ongoing I’ve been dealing with. 5. What was the highlight and low point of your summer (or whatever season you happen to be taking this in)? The only good parts about this summer was the few times I went to the beach, my birthday weekend vacation, saw some good movies, and my aunt (whom I’m super close with) came and stayed with a for a few days last week and it was really fun. Otherwise, I despise summer, it’s hot and miserable. I dread it every year and I just look forward to it being over. 6. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? Hmm. 7. What was the last thing you gave up doing? Uhhh. I feel like I’ve given up on a lot of things in the last few years. Myself most of all. 8. Do you deal well with criticism? Does it make a difference if it’s constructive? I mean, if someone wants to offer some helpful, useful advice that could be beneficial to me that’s cool. Just don’t be rude about it. If I’m doing something and there’s possibly a better way to do it, then suggest that in a way that doesn’t come off condescending or rude. I’m most critical on myself anyway. I will say; though, it does annoy me if someone keeps telling me something that I should do that I already know I should do. Don’t criticize me constantly for it. Don’t nag me.  9. What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? My self-esteem is shit, but I know it’d be nice to get my hair done finally. It’s been over a year and it looks so bad and I always like how my hair looks and feels after I get it done. Like, I’m still a mess but at least my hair would look nice. 10. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? I like some crunch, but not hard. Like the right amount of crunch and crispiness, ya know? Depending on what it is, of course. I like soft textures as well. I eat everything with sauce, dips, or olive oil because I can’t eat things dry. Like my sandwiches, for example, I put a lot of mayo and mustard, but I also dip it in olive oil. Or like I eat eggs with ranch, unless I have country gravy with them.  11. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? I just eat scrambled eggs with spinach and cheese for breakfast, sometimes in the form of a breakfast burrito. Hash browns are a great bonus. I used to eat like cereal, pop tarts, toaster strudels, granola bars, oatmeal, and waffles, but now I can’t eat a lot of sweet stuff anymore. Plus, I just prefer to have eggs. There’s more substance and I get something good out of it like protein.  Honestly, I used to never even have breakfast at all, I just liked breakfast foods like I listed above. It’s only within the last year especially that I started to eat breakfast regularly. 12. When was the last time someone disappointed you? What about the last time you disappointed someone else? I’ve been very disappointed in myself for a long time. I feel like I’ve disappointed my family and former friends, too.  13. What is something you can’t seem to stop doing (or start)? I can’t seem to stop being a mess or start getting my shit together... 14. When was the last time you made a new friend? What about the last time you lost a friend? I haven’t made any friends in years. I lost all my friends over the past few years.  15. What was the last thing you were excited about? What about nervous? I was excited about having my aunt come and stay with us last week and for our beach trip last weekend. We had a really good time. As for nervous, this is a long story time so grab a snack and buckle up:

I was full on freaking out last Sunday, after having a great, relaxing time at the beach, because as we were turning the corner to our street, we got notifications on our phone from our security camera, which at almost 10 o’clock at night, was like wtf?? Before any of us had time to check it, we saw for ourselves the reason why it was going off: As we turned we saw firetrucks, smoke, and our neighbors all standing around outside, some of which were standing at our door, hence the security alerts going off. We saw our house and our neighbor’s house that we’re connected to engulfed in smoke. We had no idea what was going on, but our first and only thought and concern was our dog, who was in the house. I start literally crying and freaking out because like I said, we didn’t know what was going on, but what I described seeing as we turned the corner was terrifying and my only concern was my dog. My mom stops the car and she and my brother jump out and run up to our house. My brother comes back out running to the car with my dog, who was physically fine, THANK GOD, but very scared. She jumped in the back with me and I just held on to her the entire time while my mom, aunt, and brother went back to find out what the hell was going on. Turns out that our neighbor, whose house is connected to ours, was working on his car in the garage and his engine caught fire. Being that our houses are connected, the smoke came over to our side and filled up our garage. It was so bad that it was coming out the sides, which is why it looked like it was our house that had the fire. When my mom opened up the garage, she said the smoke was so thick that she couldn’t even see anything. It was crazy. The firefighters had to do a walkthrough of our house to make sure it was fine and checked for carbon monoxide and all that, and had to use their big blower thing to clear out the smoke in our garage. Our house was fine, we just had to open the windows up in our house and air it for awhile. The smell was strong; though, and the smoke was very irritating to my throat. OH, and the reason why our other neighbors were standing at our door was because they thought we were home asleep and they were trying to alert us of the fire. One girl even jumped our fence to bang on our backdoor. They were banging and yelling for awhile, apparently. My mom and I watched the video camera footage later and saw everything and omg it was so crazy. You can tell how scared and concerned they were. And the smoke was so bad at that point that they were coughing and covering their mouths, but they continued banging on our door and trying to yell out to alert us. D: It meant SO much that they cared and were genuinely concerned about us like that. We couldn’t stop thanking them. Ahh but anyway yeah, it was w i l d. And this was just a few days after there was another fire a few houses down from us. :O 16. What is something small that you take extremely personally? Hm. I don’t know. I’m a sensitive person, so. 17. What is your favorite thing about your favorite person? I don’t really have a favorite person. I love my family and I’m close to some more than others, but I don’t choose favorites like that. 18. What is something you wish other people knew about you? I don’t know. 19. What is something you wish others DIDN’T know? Uhhh. 20. When was the last time you comforted someone who was upset? When my aunt and I get together it always ends up turning into a therapy session between us. We stay up late and talk about everything and yeah, sometimes it gets pretty deep. Anyway, I was just lending an ear and letting her vent about some things.  21. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? Every night I stay up and watch ASMR, Tumblr, and do surveys until I fall asleep. 22. What are your plans for the day ahead (or tomorrow if it’s late)? I don’t have any today, but tomorrow my mom and I are dropping off my brother and his friend at a concert. It’s out of town, so I wanted to tag along for the ride. 23. Do you tend to be more grumpy when you’re tired or when you’re hungry? Both. Like, I’m always tired, but when I first wake up you do not want to talk to me before I’ve had coffee and had time to wake up. I also get quite hangry. 24. When was the last time you yelled at someone? I don’t know. I yelled out to someone so they could hear me, but I don’t recall the last time I yelled at someone. 25. What types of things typically cause you to cry? Blah some days it’s like I’m on the verge of tears all day and any thing can set me off. Other times there’s a specific reason, other times it’s a combination or build up of things that lead to crying. There’s various reasons. I’m just a cry baby.  26. When was the last time someone else cried in your presence? It’s been awhile, actually.  27. What is one thing that would make your life a lot better? Better health.  28. What is something you are grateful to already have in your life? My family. 29. How would you describe your overall aesthetic? Leggings, graphic Ts, and Adidas. 30. What is one of your most positive characteristics? What about one of your most negative? Does it bother you when you see certain aspects of yourself in other people, or does it depend on the trait? I have a lot of negative traits. I’m struggling to think of something positive. I used to be someone who was there for others and willing to help anyway I could, but I haven’t been that way these past few years. I’ve become such a shitty person these past few years I feel like. :/

[skylightsofmylife]

1-86 pleaseeeeee

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

Nope. I’m demi so it’s all about personality

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Most definitely

3. Are you a virgin?

Take an educated guess based on my girlfriend’s post

4. Are you in a relationship?

Extremely happily so

5. Are you in love?

Hey babe! Are we in love? I forgot. 

6. Are you single this year?

I can’t see the future but I seriously hope not, I’m kinda smitten with this girl who sends me asks…

7. Can you commit to one person?

Prefer to actually

8. Describe your crush

Oh, let’s see. She’s a dork, with a sense of humor, has the most adorable smile, always knows how to cheer me up, might have a really hot haircut or something???

9. Describe your perfect mate

Kitten (She knows what this means)

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

Love is blind, she don’t work based on sight

11. Do you ever want to get married?

If the moment felt right, yes. *adds honeymoon to gift registry* 

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Regrettably, yes *massive eye roll at self*

13. Do you get jealous easily?

I might have a little bit of a green monster in me, *green monster shouts* a little, who are you trying to fool

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Does a bear shit in the woods?

15. Do you have any piercings?

Yeppers, pretty sure I’m naked enough on here you can find it easily

16. Do you have any tattoos?

A phobia of having ink on my skin keeps me from getting them

17. Do you like kissing in public?

Babe, we are still making out in the middle of the airport next time right? 

20. Do you shower every day?

Yes, in the tears of my enemies, mwahahahahha, again, who am I kidding. It’s my own tears cause I have estrogen coursing through my veins

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

She better for making me answer all of these

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

*sends nood to GF* yep pretty sure someone is

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

What even is this questions? If you can’t do this may I suggest polyamory my dear

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I honestly don’t know, it’s something I have resisted for a very long time but recently my feelings have changed on it because of someone

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I hope so being I am

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Ditto baby girl

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Poem, yes. Does a theme song count?

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

I’d have to resort to calculus to get the exact number of times it’s happened it’s so numerous at this point

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Per the previous question, I know how much it hurts first hand and could never bring myself to inflict that kind of pain on someone

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

*Giant book thuds on counter* Story time children. I’d have my nose thinned and shaven down, chin rounded and cleft removed, hairline rounded, ears pinned, love handles removed, maybe boobs just to round them; don’t really want bigger. Having the major one I want in two days. 

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

*gets out the tear bucket* oh, we come prepared around these parts. Flooding and leakage is imminent 

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Maybe, idk. I have a rather unique experience that keeps me from falling in love with people who don’t feel the same

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

I wish I could say no

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

Girl what that tongue do? 

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yep. 

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Like, all of them

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Probably, in high school

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Oh definitely. But usually that ends up being your best friend

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

I honestly don’t know if I couldn’t have her… just never asked

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Lots of poems, had an ex that loved them so I would leave them as notes on my pillow since I got up way earlier

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

Just a little bit

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

What are we counting as wandering? Touching hips/waist, not very long. Anywhere else I can make out for hours without hands roaming.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

3 years (woot for psychology being so predictable for the end of the honeymoon phase)

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

Not many actually. Discounting the one I was in against my will, 3.

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

Why y’all gotta pick my hoe/college years?! Give me a sec to count… 8?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

Not a lot… Maybe 10 times? It’s somewhere around there. (All with the same person mind you)

47. How old are you?

Some would say I look good for 428

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Good for them honestly. I’ve been in this situation but I always put other peoples’ happiness before mine. 9 times out of 10 I end up helping them get with the person they like

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

She keeps me grounded. No matter what she can always make my darkest day brighter just by being there. (Also the hair)

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Leave the gifts, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. Oh, and let people decide things for themselves

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Mostly anything, yes

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

I wouldn’t say given up but more so realized we were fundamentally different people and things would never work between us

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

I mean probs. Maybe not mad but there’s definitely someone jealous out there

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yes, friends I have had to move away from due to mental health issues

55. Share a relationship story.

Jess, just read our texts. Everyone else, Jess is reading our texts

56. State 8 facts about your body

Pokemon #188

57. Things you want to say to an ex

If you’re going to cheat have the decency to break up with your partner first or be able to admit your wrong instead of finding flaws in your partner to exploit and make them feel like it’s their fault

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Be easy to talk to, have emotional intelligence, love me for who I am not what you want me to be, make me laugh, *cough cough - cover your eyes children* make me moan loudly (sorry, not sorry)

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/skylightsofmylife search #me

Jess, just look at your photos

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

7  years

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

The way they talk

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

Whisper in my ear what they want to do to me (unless they are a stranger then it’s creepy, cause both have happened)

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Oral or anything that penetrates (that includes fingers and toys)

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Anything beyond non-sexual flirting

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

Oh goodness, babe here’s your playbook. Shove me against a wall, throw my hands above my head, kiss my mouth just a little then go straight for the neck. Once you’ve done that for a little, take a hand and put it under my shirt and scratch (HARD) from my under-bust to my pant-line. Take me to a bed and push me onto it rather hard, straddle me kiss my mouth and neck some more, whisper what you’re going to do next in my ear, take my clothes off, kiss my breasts and stomach, after that a little gently play *down there* and I’m yours. 

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

N/A

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Backyard movie date; with a sheet, projector, and a picnic basket

68. What is your sexual orientation?

I put lesbian in my bio because it’s easier and I only date women/non-binary/gnc. But the whole thing is demi pansexual, homoromantic. 

69. What turns you off?

Weirdly my biggest turn off is getting my hair wet. No idea why

70. What turns you on?

Running a hand up my inner thigh

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I’m honestly not sure… my sex dreams often include consent cause it’s a big deal to me so they typically don’t get far because that’s the majority of it

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Fuck, that feels amazing, don’t stop doing that *moan*, my name, Jess knows the last one

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Buy me an outfit just because they think it would look cute on me

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

Smile?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

Found a private showing of my favorite movie on Valentine’s day

76. What���s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

Probably cooked a 3 hour meal just because I knew they liked it that much

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

So long as it’s legal and consensual I really don’t care. I personally will not date beyond the 7 years I’ve already done but that’s just a personal choice

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

Probably my needle fetish

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

About 5 years ago. My ex was leaving me for the person they said they had no feelings for

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Like an hour ago

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Jess, Jess, Jess, Jess, and Jess

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

My mom

83. Who was your first kiss with?

A narcissist who ended up using me in the end so I’d rather not name them 

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

Because I wasn’t cis-enough

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

Oh hey babe!

For real, fuck you Jess. I’m packing now. Unless you wanna do 65…..

[samingtonwilson]

Marriage Material - Part 19 - Jim Kirk

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 / Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15 / Part 16 / Part 17 / Part 18

Summary: in this chapter, the walls are foul.

Warnings: language

A/N: IM SO SORRY IT’S TAKEN ME SO LONG TO WRITE THIS. hopefully it’s good enough to make up for the waiting period. excuse typos, i had a real mess this morning uploading this without power-- INSANE.

Jim had to test the waters. He didn’t want to ask any questions outright, nor did he feel it was wise to. He needed to test the waters one toe at a time.

It wasn’t that he was afraid you’d run off if any of the questions were too abrupt— he was actually certain you’d run off if any of the questions were too abrupt. Some questions, though, he deemed totally unquestionable even if disguised in the thickest costume. After all, there could be no subtle way of asking, “Is it a deal breaker that I possibly I kept you married to me because I’ve always been in love with you and inflated the truth until it almost burst because I wanted to make sure you’d agree?”

He thought he might try to drop hints about it, maybe pretend to have taken up that interest in literature you were trying so hard to impress upon him. Of course, there was no way he could fabricate a plot and give it a well-known name without being too obvious seeing as you walked around with an encyclopedic knowledge he was surprised didn’t cause your head to fall off your shoulders.

Then again, it would take someone with a shocking lack of knowledge to think Wuthering Heights was about accidental marriages on Vegas-like planets rather than what it was really about— which a sorely unknowledgeable Jim assumed was an apartment building filled to the brim with drama like one of his mother’s daily soaps.

He did dwell on presenting it as something that happened to a friend of his—he just had no way of doing that without making it painfully obvious. You also knew most of his friends and they all made much better decisions than he did, so that idea was dead on arrival.

Leonard thought each idea was absurd and gave Jim a firm lecture on the importance of honesty, even if it led to a result not desired by any party in question. The lecture, though, flowed through one ear and swam out of the other.

When he entered your shared quarters with a knock that went unanswered, his eyes went directly to the bed. He frowned at your coughing, sneezing, sniffling form as you sat with your back against the wall behind you.

He tilted his head when he noticed you staring at the wall.

“Grey walls. It makes me think of all the grey things I ever saw— not beautiful ones like British shorthair cats and grey eyes but foul, bad grey things.”

He snorted loud enough to finally gain your attention, heavy-lidded, dull eyes of exhaustion meeting his. “I really hope you’re quoting something and you didn’t come up with that in your infinite misery.”

“Ah, it’s John!” he cringed at the sound of your stuffy, nasally voice and could just imagine how much your loud volume exasperated the soreness in your throat. “‘John is away all day, and even some nights when his cases are serious. John does not know how much I really suffer.’ Stupid, foul John— stupid, foul walls.”

He toed off his shoes and went straight to the replicator in the kitchenette. He set a mug under the machinery and leant his hip against the counter’s edge. “God, I hope it’s literature. Otherwise you’re just delirious and I don’t feel like bugging Bones again.”

“I didn’t ask you to bug him the first time!” you shouted and forced yourself into a fit of coughs, one hand covering your mouth and the other against your chest. You squeezed your eyes shut and groaned. “It’s The Yellow Wallpaper. S’a short story.”

“Yeah? What’s it about?” He took the mug and held it steady as he neared you, his eyes on the tea to make sure it didn’t splash over the porcelain rim.

“Woman has postpartum depression and her husband’s a total dick that doesn’t understand how mental health works. He confines her to this room with putrid yellow wallpaper in an old mansion and only sees her when he comes home from work— which he seldom does.” You took the tea gratefully and handed him your PADD in return, patting the area on the bed before you so he could sit. “She stares at this wallpaper all day and the depression turns into this deep level of psychosis which has her seeing a woman in the wallpaper. She slowly goes insane and peels the wallpaper off, thinking she’s freed herself from it.”

His eyes were wide as sat and he listened to you. Partially due to the sound of your thick voice, partially due to the plot you detailed for him.

“Her husband faints when she skips around the room with bleeding fingernails, screaming about being free. She just hops over him and keeps skipping.”

“Christ, I told you to read so you could relax, starlight,” he sighed, unable to help his laugh when you scowled. He lied back on the bed sideways, his legs dangling off the edge so he could stare at the ceiling. He could hear you slurping the tea carefully so as to not burn your tongue. “Not so you could see yourself and these walls in something like— Wait, who the hell is John?”

“Her husband.”

“The one that confined her to the room that drove her insane?” he asked incredulously, propping himself up onto his elbows.

“You’re confining me to this damn room!” You pointed at the box of tissues near his head and he handed it to you promptly. You tried to sniffle and nearly cried out in frustration when your nose was too stuffed to even allow a molecule of air through.

“Because you can’t even breathe through your nose,” he laughed disbelievingly, looking away as you blew your nose into the tissue. “You’re too sick to work.”

“Maybe you’re too sick to work, I’m the picture of health.”

He snorted. “Yeah? Say the word ‘mom.’”

You narrowed your eyes. “Mom-buh.”

“What was that?” he asked with a smile. “Mom-buh?”

“I’ll murder you in your sleep, John.”

Laughing, he sat up only long enough to rid himself of his command gold tunic, tossing it to the side of the room before collapsing back again. “You’re acting like Bones would even let you work. The man would have you locked away in some isolation chamber. I mean he suggested it when I comm’d him.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t take him up on that offer. What, with the way you were so enthusiastic to keep me locked in here like some sickly prisoner.”

“I’m no doctor but it seems like melodrama is a symptom of this particular virus.”

“I’m no doctor but it seems like melodrama is a symptom of this particular virus,” you repeated imitatively in a high-pitched, silly voice. “I’ll—”

“Murder me while I sleep— yeah, yeah.” He draped his arm over his eyes, his lips parted as he breathed evenly. “D’you take your medicine on time?”

“I’m a physician, shohar jaan.”

“Congratulations, your parents must be so proud. Now, did you take your medicine on time?”

You managed a smile at that, your head lolling back against the wall. “Yes, I took my medicine on time.”

“Good. Your next dose is in an hour.”

You hummed and set the mug onto the bedside table. You then shifted so you were kneeling with your knees digging into the mattress.

He could feel the mattress dip and moved his arm back to his side, watching as you struggled off the bed with a smile pulling at his lips. “Need some help?”

You shook your head stubbornly, adjusting the shirt you’d stolen from Jim around your body and holding back a shiver at the cold air hitting your bare legs. “No, I’m an adult. A strong adult, a capable—” you sneezed into your hands, groaning. “Capable adult. Independent adult.”

He nodded and held his hands up in surrender when you spun around to raise your eyebrows at him. He smiled when you turned back around, though, keeping his eyes on you as you walked into the bathroom and set your hands onto the counter.

You leant forward to narrow your eyes at your reflection. “I look like shit.”

“Because you’re sick.”

“Thanks, Detective,” you mumbled as you flicked the water on, splashing handfuls of it onto your face to hopefully wash some of the exhaustion away.

Before you could blindly reach for a towel, Jim hopped up from the bed and handed you the navy blue one that you always kept safe from him because it was your favorite. “Here.”

You whispered a thank you and dabbed your skin dry, sighing when you felt his warmth behind you as he reached for your hairbrush. You shut your eyes as he took the elastic band out of your hair, ruffling it out before pulling the brush through.

He glanced at your reflection and struggled against a smile, continuing to brush your hair and experimentally combing his fingers through. He lightly scraped his nails against your scalp and saw your tense shoulders relax, your tight grip on the counter loosen— he heard you sigh again.

Using the elastic band he’d removed, he tied your hair in a ponytail once more— a cleaner, tighter one. “That too tight?”

You shook your head and opened your eyes, meeting the gaze in the mirror. You smiled softly. “Thank you.”

He nodded, his hands sliding down your arms to your sides and landing on your hips so he could turn you around to face him. His reflection couldn’t even do justice to the brightness of his blue irises, to the emotion so heavily present there. “You are a physician. You’re a strong, capable, independent adult. You’re totally able to take care of yourself, you’ve always taken care of yourself— that’s not up for debate.”

You tilted your head.

“But you don’t have to this time,” he said slowly, his voice as soft as the look in his eyes that didn’t dare waver from yours. “You have me now and I want to take care of you. As your spouse, I sort of have to.”

You smiled when one of his hands was set against your neck, his palm cold in comparison to your burning skin. “Right. That ‘in sickness and in health’ nonsense.”

“Yeah, that,” he replied, smiling as well. He set his forehead against yours for a few moments before pressing his lips there instead and leaning back. “I love you—”

Your smile grew.

“— but you’re still burning up and I’m not letting myself fall sick, too.”

After he patted your ass twice, he took his hands from you so a chill ran up your spine. You stared after him. “If we weren’t still married for your selfish purposes, I’d divorce you at this very moment.”

“Don’t use your voice so much, you sound terrible,” he called back, placing a bowl under the replicator this time. He smiled at you when you emerged from the bathroom. “Thinking about putting some pants on?”

You looked down at your legs, your heavy head spinning as you did so. “It’s too cold without them, too hot with them.”

He hummed. “Soup— d’you have a preference?”

“Nothing noodly,” you shuddered at the mere thought of that. You crossed your aching arms over your chest as you somehow found the strength to join him in the small kitchenette. You leant your hip against the counter. “There’s still two hours left in alpha.”

“Good to know you can tell time in your ill state.”

“Jim.”

He smiled. “I’m the captain, starlight. I can do what I want.” He took the bowl of soup from under the replicator and set it down on the table beside the window. “Including force-feeding your sick ass soup and—”

“Keeping me married to you,” you said with a sigh and walked to the table, sitting down in one of the chairs and scowling at the prospect of eating. “My throat hurts too mu—”

“There could be other reasons that I asked you to stay married to me, you know.”

You raised an eyebrow at him when he pulled the other chair to be closer to you, spinning it around so he was straddling the seat and his chest was pressed against the backrest. “You never told me about other reasons.”

“I’m not saying there were other reasons, I’m just saying there could be,” he said, sneaking glances as you as he stirred the soup to cool it down a little. “If that morning I had told you I was in love with you, would you have stayed married to me?”

“No,” you answered easily, shrugging a moment later. “Would’ve dated you, though. Properly and not in this weird, convoluted way with an expiration date.”

“It would’ve been morally repugnant to inflate the truth, right? To make sure that didn’t happen?”

You nodded slowly, looking at him with narrowed eyes. “It’d be horrible. I’d feel even more like your prisoner than today’s bed rest made me feel— like the way I feel about you is some form of Stockholm syndrome.”

He nodded, trying to focus on the bowl. “Right.”

“Jim, why are you asking me all of this?”

He shrugged a shoulder, meeting your eyes with a small smile he hoped didn’t look forced. “Bones was telling me about some movie he saw. Two people get married under false pretenses— one lies to the other, the other finds out the truth, leaves the liar.”

You nodded, sniffling. “That’s sad. Could you get me a blanket, sunshine?”

He nodded back, rising from the seat and complying quickly.

Another cough tore through your body, a loud sigh leaving your lips afterwards. You took a deep breath and cleared your throat, regretting it immediately. “Did the other and the liar work it out?”

Jim draped the blanket over your shoulders and you pulled it around you tighter, relaxing. He wet his lips and sat back down in the same position as before. “Don’t know.”

“Were the pretenses totally false or exaggerated?”

He shrugged. “Don’t know.”

“Were feelings involved?” your voice was even thicker with barely swallowed soup.

“Don’t know.”

“You’re just a wealth of information, aren’t you?”

He smiled.

“As upsetting as my story is,” you began with a crack in your voice already raspy from sickness, “at least I knew the whole thing before I started talking about it.”

“Stop talking before you lose your voice entirely.”

“Tell me about your day, then. I’m not gonna sit here in silence when I’ve been doing that all day— the stupid, foul grey walls, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He took a breath and smiled. “Bones isn’t speaking to Spock and I.”

You nodded with a frown, silently asking him to continue.

“Spock said you’re the better physician because of your bedside manner and that smile you use when you want to distract someone from a hypo. I obviously agreed not because I, you know, love you, but because I agree objectively.”

You tilted your head.

“We were talking about it because Bones was trying to figure out why so many people sent in requests to switch physicians.”

You tilted your head the other way.

“Not from Bones to you— every other physician to you. Krishna, Sirleaf, the short one with curly blonde hair— their patients are trying to switch to you and not Bones. He asked why they wouldn’t switch to him.”

You frowned.

“Yeah, he is a jealous guy. But we all knew that. His patients probably aren’t switching because they’re too scared of him to.”

You smiled.

“Yes, I told him that. S’like the man has no sense of humor.”

You laughed, finally saying aloud, “We’ve only been married for a few months and I can already talk to you without speaking.”

“I could do that before we got married. Perfected it during Spock’s safety seminars, remember?”

You opened your mouth to agree only to have Jim quickly stick a spoon filled with soup in it. You made a noise of annoyance.

“No talking.”

PART 20

lil tag list: (tell me if you’d like to be tagged): @feelmyroarrrr @to-pick-ourselves-up-7@star-trekkin-across-theuniverse @webhoard @dirajunara @the-space-goddess-16@whiteandblackkeys @sugarshai @goodnightwife @anyakinamidala @iwillstaywiththemforever @majisean @bbparker @heyjess-marie @kirkaholic123 @thepjofanqueen@buckybuckling@da1120 @dudahmautner @purelittleblueberry @insposcollective@our-chaoticwhispers@procrastinace @misbehaving146 @thenextdoorangel @equineaddictx @sarkastodon@20th-centu-fairy-girl @arrowswithwifi @king4thesirens @theycallmerian @bakerstgirl @jehun-prouvaire @dwarvenstache @buckypetal15 @boldlywritingtrek @klance-mcclain @curiositywillbethedeathofme

[lovelybones81]

Unthinkable- Chapter 11 -Updated

Summary: Seven years, three movies, two people, one story. But before they can get their happily ever after, Sebastian Stan and Camille Solis must learn to trust in each other and in themselves, before allowing the unthinkable to happen.

Warnings: Fluff, future smut, Language, Angst, mental health, WOC lead character

Rating: NC-17

Chapter 11- Baby

Manchester, UK  2010

 Camille took the potatoes and carrots out of the grocery bag along with a large bottle of Gatorade and placed them on the counter. She looked around the unfamiliar kitchen, trying to figure out where Sebastian kept his pots, pans and cutting board. But before Camille had the chance to rummaged through the cabinets, she heard a loud cough. Turning around Sebastian appeared from his bedroom. 

 "I thought you were going to go take a shower?" Camille asked with a frown. 

 "I don't need a shower." Sebastian whined, rubbing his fingers through his messy hair. He coughed again, followed by a sneeze. 

 "Stop being a stubborn ass." Camille ordered, taking a step toward him. "You need to try and break that fever." she reminded, standing face to face. 

 He scrunched up his nose in disgust. "I'm fine. It's just a little cough." 

 "Yeah, that's why your nose looks like Rudolph the Red nose reindeer." bopping him on the nose with her finger.  

 "Camilleeee." he pouted. 

 Rolling her eyes, she placed both her hands on top of his shoulders giving him a small shove back toward his bedroom. "It's not just a little cough. You have the flu Sebastian." 

 "I don't get the flu." he argued, but covered his mouth with a hand to keep from sneezing in Camille's face. 

 "You are worse than my six year old cousin." Camille exclaimed. Sebastian's pout only grew at her words. Pressing a palm up against his forehead, she frowned. "You're burning up." And he really was, his cheeks were completely flushed, his usual blue gleaming eyes drooped a bit due to the lack of sleep. Sebastian had wrapped up his last day of filming late the night before. She had left hours before him, and was pretty sure he had stayed for another 6-8 hours. "What time did you leave last night?"

 "One? No, almost two." Sebastian grumbled, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand. "But I haven't been able to sleep."

 Camille couldn't help but give a pity look. He looked exhausted and it was not only from working 15 plus hours every day for the past 3 weeks. Realizing the flu was a way of his body telling him to slow down.  "You know what would help you sleep?" she said with a big smile. 

 Raising one eyebrow. "What's that?" Covering his mouth again to sneeze. 

With her hands still on his shoulder, Camille turned his body in the direction of the bedroom. "A nice bath." she whispered into his ear, giving him a light push. Why were men such children when they got sick? She grunted when she felt him come to a quick halt, the back of him coming in contact with the front of her almost making her trip on her own two feet."Por dios Sebastian!" she muttered in Spanish. "Stop being such a fucking baby." 

 Sebastian glowered at her over his shoulder, mumbling back in Romanian. Usually Camille would have paid a little more attention to what he was saying in his native tongue, but at the moment he was acting like a spoiled kid she had the urge to smack him upside the head. She wasn't actually going to do it, but the compulsion was definitely there. 

 "Don't make me drag you in there." Camille warned. 

 The glowering look quickly faded from his face only to be replaced by a sly smile. "Would you help me get undressed?"  

 Camille rolled her eyes."I'll let that slide because I know you're running a fever over 100-F. and I know it must be making you delusional." The sly smile on his face only grew at her words. Any other day she would have taken his flirtatious remark seriously but at that moment that was the least of her concerns.  Camille felt the sudden need to take care of him. Maybe it was her way of repaying him for all the times he had taken care of her.

 It had been 3 weeks since Sebastian's birthday and David's visit, things between Camille and Sebastian had returned somewhat normal. A lot of it was due to the long hours they both been working. She had been afraid their dynamic was going to change after what had happened over the weekend, but it was quite the opposite. It only seemed to make their working relationship stronger. It was almost as if they came to a mutual silent understanding that there was no expectations of what should happen next in their relationship. 

 They were just Camille and Sebastian. She liked that. 

 "So does that mean you'll do it?" he joked. Scoffing, Camille reached and grabbed his elbow, dragging him into the other room. "I'll take that as a 'yes.'" 

 He felt warm. But she wasn't surprised. When she texted him earlier in the day, he said his temperature was around 98-F. When she asked what he was doing to try and bring it down or break it, his response was:"Nothing." 

 After getting his text while she was still on set, she had decided to stop by the local grocery store and pick up a few things she thought would help with the flu-or at least make it a bit more bearable. She'd bought a cold compressor, along with ibuprofen, and of course the one thing that cures everything- Vicks Vapor Rub-her mom and aunt's secret weapon- along with some vegetables for the chicken soup (courtesy of Tia Yolanda's recipe of course) he hadn't eaten anything all day. She hadn't asked him, she just knew. 

 Once they had entered his bedroom, Camille teased. "I would, but you have that fever." Pretending to let out a sigh of disappointment. 

 Sebastian glared as he walked backwards to his bathroom. "Tease." He squinted when he realized she was following him. "I thought you said..." trailing off and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

 "Don't get too excited Mr. Stan."

 "What?" He exclaimed before looking over his shoulder to make sure he didn't trip on anything.

 "Uh uh." Flipping the light on in the bathroom, Camille continued sarcastically. "Just want to make sure your ass knows where the bathroom is before I start on lunch." Sebastian wrinkled his nose. It hadn't taken long for Camille to figure out Sebastian did not like people making a fuss over him, especially when he was sick. Which was funny because he was acting like a little shit at the moment.

 "You don't have to make lunch Cam-"

 It was her turn to glare. "Don't argue with me."  

 "What if you end up getting sick too?"

 Camille took another step toward the shower and said without looking at him. "Then I guess you'll have to take care of me." Placing both hands on her hips, Camille turned to him. Changing the subject back to him. "Are you really going to make this into a fight?" unable to stop herself from pouting. Hoping it would help her case. 

 Sebastian let out an exasperated sigh, shaking his head. "No." then quickly added. "Only because I don't have the energy to argue." He sniffed again. "But I'm not taking a bath." he argued, rubbing the back of his neck. 

 "Okay, whatever you say sarge." she taunted, using the nickname they used on set when he was in his Bucky Barnes outfit. 

 "Very funny." Sebastian mumbled with a look. 

 Camille grinned sheepishly. "Sorry, I had to do it." She pointed to the shower doors. "Do you want me to get the water started?" Batting her eyelashes at him teasingly. 

 "No." he grunted. 

 Raising an eyebrow she gave him a confused look. "What happen to needing me to help you get undressed?" 

 Pressing his lips together, Sebastian took a step closer toward the shower. "It just got super hot in here that's all." he mumbled instead. 

 Camille looked worriedly at him, pressing her hand up to his clammy forehead. "Okay, I'll let you shower. And I'll get started on the soup." Dropping her hand from his head. Hesitantly she took a step back, but did not want to leave. What if he fell over? Or fainted? 

 "Cam, it's okay." he reassured with a weak smile. "I'll take the shower." he promised. 

 "That's not it..." trailing off.

"What is it then?" 

 "Just-just call if you need anything okay?" 

 Sebastian chuckled lightly. "I will." 

 Without saying another word, Camille turned on her heels and walked out of the bathroom. Shutting the door behind, she waited a few moments before making it back to the kitchen. Sebastian worked hard, she might have only known him for a few months but his work ethic was impeccable. But at times, working too much could take a toll. Thankfully he had gotten sick at the end of shooting and not during. 

 Once back in the kitchen space, she searched in the cabinets for a cutting board. Finally after about the fourth try she came across what she was looking for. Placing the board on the counter (knife and peeler were easier to locate!) she grabbed a potato and began peeling. She was on her third one, when her phone rang. Quickly reaching for it with her free hand she placed it between her ear and shoulder. 

 "Hey!" Camille answered happily. It was her sister Natalie. She quickly glanced over to the clock on the microwave. 1:34pm. That meant it was around 9:30 pm back in Los Angeles. Which was still early for her younger sister. Nat had always been a night owl. "Prime time?" Camille teased. 

 "You know it!" Natalie replied. Camille smiled to herself. "You?" 

 Continuing to peel potatoes. "About to make sopa de pollo. Sebastian has the flu." she explained. 

 "You've been spending lots of time with him." Natalie mused. 

 Camille rolled her eyes, gently tossing the peeled potatoes in the sink and turning on the faucet. "We work together. I'm bound to spend time with him." she reminded, turning the water off in the sink. She reached for a carrot and began peeling. 

 "I hope you spend as much time with the others as you do with Sebastian." her sister quipped. 

 "You know what Nat?" Camille paused. "Shut up." 

 Natalie snickered on the other line. In reality Camille should blame herself for all the teasing she was receiving. She was the one who opened her big mouth about how great Sebastian had been to her during the last few weeks, especially since David's visit. But even through all the teasing, Natalie had said more than once how relieved she was that Camille had someone to confide in since they were so far away from each other. 

 "What?!" Natalie exclaimed innocently. "I Googled him by the way." Camille groaned. "Thanks for not telling me how good looking he is." she added sarcastically.  

 "I can't believe you looked him up." Camille accused, peeling another carrot. But she shouldn't be surprise. Her sister could be nosy- at least when it came to her. Camille smirked to herself. It was fine, Natalie could tease all she wanted, Camille was sure there would a time where she could return the favor. 

 "I can't believe you didn't tell me he looks the way he does!" Natalie shot back.

 "Like what? A human being? A man?" Camille retorted, hoping to get off the subject of Sebastian's good looks.

 "Vas a ver cuando regreses."  Natalie said in Spanish.

 "It slipped my mind." Camille grumbled ignoring her threat, as she finished peeling the last two carrots. 

 "My ass it slipped your mind." 

 Reaching for the knife, Camille began to cut the carrots into small slices. "Can we change the subject?" She pleaded. Camille was still not ready to dissect her feelings or attraction for Sebastian out loud. "How is the wedding planning going?" she asked instead. 

 Camille heard her sister let out an exasperated sigh. "Stressful. And the wedding isn't for another 7 months." Natalie and her fiancé had decided on a spring wedding for the following year. "A part of me just wants to throw away all the plans and just go do it next week." 

 "If you go and get married without me being there I will kick your butt." Camille threaten. 

 "Relax. This is me just talking out of my ass." Natalie assured, a hint of amusement in her voice. 

 Camille tossed the cut up carrots unto an empty bowl and began slicing the potatoes next. "What's the point of you having a wedding planner if you're going to be stressed out?" 

 "That's what I keep telling Sam!" Natalie whined. They continued to talk about the wedding as Camille put to boil in water the potatoes and carrots and began working on the chicken next. After about 20 minutes of Natalie venting about the wedding planning, she paused. "I'm sorry." she mumbled. 

 "For what?" Camille asked absently, checking on the vegetables with a wooden spoon. She then went back to paying attention to the chicken to make sure it was cooking the way Tia Yolanda had taught her.

 "For bringing up wedding...stuff." she answered lamely. 

 "Doofus, I asked you remember?" Shaking her head even though her sister couldn't see her at the moment. Camille was grateful to have a sister who was considerate of her feelings but at the same time, she wasn't going to ask Natalie to stop talking about her wedding plans. She wanted to be there for her baby sister, just like she had always been there for her, especially during this happy time in her life!  

 "I know but I just don't want you to think that I was rubbing it in your face or something." 

"Nat- it's okay. In fact, I'm glad for the diversion. It keeps my mind off...everything...and him." Camille said. "And besides if anything it just proves that I made the right decision. We got engaged before you and Sam did and we hadn't even picked a date yet." 

 "It's not like you didn't try to." Natalie reminded bitterly. 

 Natalie was right. She had tried to get a date set, but she never got a clear yes from David. God, so many things we're making sense now. How could she have been so stupid? Natalie and Sam had announced their engagement 2 months after Camille's and David, and by the next day they had decided on a date and place. 

 Camille opened the small bottle of consome de pollo. "How much consome do I need to put again?" she asked. Focusing back on the soup. 

 "I usually put about 3 little spoonfuls" Natalie answered. "Sometimes 4." 

 Camille giggled. The Latino way of cooking: just estimate how much you'll need of something and go with it. She wouldn't have it any other way. "I guess I can do 3 and if needs more I'll add another one." she decided. 

 "Sounds good to me!" Natalie agreed."Don't try and change the subject." she accused. 

 "I wasn't!" Camille said defensively, dropping the spoonfuls of consome in the pot with the potatoes, carrots and now chicken. It would be another 30 minutes before it was done. 

 "I just want to make sure you are going to deal with this." Natalie said worriedly. Obviously referring to David. 

 "I really haven't had the time to think about it." Camille confessed. 

 "Well, you're going to have to." Natalie pushed. "You're coming home in a few days." she reminded. "Has he called you?" 

 Sighing, she leaned back against one of the counters. "Yes. Every day actually. I answered the first few times. Then I realized it wasn't doing me any good. So I just let it go to voicemail." chewing on her lower lip anxiously. It suddenly hit that she was about to fly home and it was going to be harder to avoid him, being in the same city. And they had many mutual friends. Her heart began to race at what she was going to be have to deal with. "You and Sam are just going to have to help me find ways to avoid him." she half joked. "I don't want to see him. Thanks again for getting my stuff out of the house."

 Natalie cleared her throat. "About that-" 

 Camille felt her heart drop at the tone of her voice. "What happen?" 

 "I've called the asshole a few times to let him know we were coming over to get your things, and he comes up with lame ass excuses to not be there." Natalie said angrily.

 Natalie and Sam had offered to go to the house they shared and get her belongings (mostly her personal things like clothes, shoes, etc). Camille had decided to let him keep the furniture and whatever else they had bought together. She wanted to start over, not have any reminders of him. 

 "Also, are you really going to let that fucking dickhead keep everything?" 

 If she wasn't freaking out at the moment about not having her stuff, she would have laughed at the nickname Natalie had for David. "I don't need a reminder Nat." she barely whispered. 

 "Then we sell it. Don't let that fucker keep it." 

 "I also thought it would just be easier this way. This way he wouldn't have anything to hold against me." Letting out a large sigh. "But I guess he isn't going to make this easy."

 "We can try and get the stuff when you come back. We will just have to use your key. Stop by when he is at work." she paused. "When is your flight?" 

 "Uh.. Wednesday evening- I think. I'll let you know." Taking a step toward the stove to check on the chicken soup. "It keeps changing. There are a few more shots they need, so they've asked some of us to stay a few extra days." The excitement she'd been feeling to go back to LA was slowly dissipating at the news of David giving Natalie a hard time.

 "Camille." Natalie warned in a knowing tone. "Don't let him get in your head. We'll figure it out." her younger sister promised.

 Turning down the burner heating the soup. "Okay." she murmured, but she didn't sound convincing. After a few moments of silence, Camille blurted out. "If he's going to act this way then I need to figure out where I'm going to put the rest of the stuff." Anger seeping through her veins all of a sudden. She thought letting him keep the material things would be easier on her, but damn- if he was going to act like a fucking child, then she was not going to make it easy either. "You're right-half of the stuff in that house belong to me."

 Camille could have sworn she heard Natalie laugh with glee. "Good! His cheating ass does not deserve that television." Referring to the 70 inch television Camille had bought last Christmas for the their living room. Camille laughed despite of herself. Natalie continued. "You can put most of the stuff in storage for the time being."  

 "That's true..." Camille agreed.

 They talked for a bit longer, coming up with a game plan on the things Camille would put into storage. As they talked Camille washed the dishes in the sink and threw away the skin from the vegetables she'd peeled. If there was one thing she had been taught growing up was to always clean up the kitchen after using it. They said their goodbyes, Camille promising to keep her updated on when she would be flying home.  

 Tossing her phone on the counter Camille had the sudden urge to turn it off so not to deal with anything. She was becoming rather good at avoiding her problems. But instead she reached for it again and hit the shuffle on her music. Listening to music had always been a way to escape her thoughts and at that moment she needed it. The first song on her shuffle was Mariah Carey's cover of Prince's "The Beautiful Ones"

 Baby, baby, baby What's it gonna be Baby, baby, baby Is it him or is it me? Don't make me waste my time Don't make me lose my mind baby

Can't you stay with me tonight Oh baby, baby, baby Don't my kisses please you right You were so hard to find The beautiful ones, they hurt you every time

Camille snorted, the lyrics hitting right at home at the moment. Reaching out, her fingers took a hold of the cutting board and knife on the counter. Without looking she let them drop gently into the sink full of water. Natalie was right, she had to try and not let him get into her head. Anything David said from now on was nothing more than a way for him to cover his lies. It did not matter how many time he said he loved her. He didn't mean it. Letting one hand dip into the water she reached for the sponge.

"Hijo de la gran puta!" she cursed in Spanish, feeling the sting from the tip of the knife against the center of palm. Camille quickly pulled her hand out of the water, dropping the sponge. Groaning she placed her hand under the faucet, hoping it would stop some of the bleeding. She shut her eyes not wanting to look. Camille had never been a fan of blood.

"I'm not saying you were right- but a bath did help." Camille barely heard Sebastian say. 

Opening one eye, she looked over her shoulder. "Good." she barely murmured moving her palm from under the faucet but refusing to look back at her hand. The sting was getting stronger. With her free hand, she muted the music on her phone giving him a smile, but was sure it looked more like a grimace. 

"What is it?" he asked with a slight smirk, padding his way toward her. "You look like you're in pain." 

Pressing her lips together she shook her head. "No...I just accidentally nicked myself with the knife." 

Sebastian asked with a light chuckle. "Is there lots of blood?" 

"I-I don't know." Camille squeaked opening her eyes to met his gaze. She watched him open the drawer next to the stove and take out a small aid kit box. 

"Do you need a small or big band-aid?" opening the kit up. Turning her head in the direction of her hand, she took a peek. So it did not look like a murder scene but at the same time, it wasn't just a small amount of blood either. "Cam?" Sebastian asked. 

"Huh? Yea?" she mumbled, suddenly feeling a bit lightheaded as she turned to face Sebastian.

"Are you okay?" he asked with concern. 

She crinkled her nose, watching him take another step toward her. "I'm not a fan of blood." gripping on to the counter with the free hand to keep herself steady. Peeking back at the bleeding palm. That was a mistake.

Before she realized it, Sebastian took a step behind her, reaching over to turn off the faucet. Their bodies pressed together. "Don't faint on me." he tried to tease. 

"Uh huh. I won't." shutting her eyes tightly, feeling his fingers wrap gently around her wrist. Still pressing his warm body against her, he pulled her hand closer.

"Have you fainted before?" Sebastian asked, trying to keep her distracted. 

She licked her lips nervously. "Uh huh...yep." still gripping on the counter. 

"Okay..." trailing off. "We're going to need to put pressure on it for a bit." he ordered in a calm voice. Camille only gave a small nod. "Here." she felt a paper towel being placed on her palm. "Hold on to this for a few moments." Letting go of the counter she did what he asked. Finally opening her eyes again. "Keep your eyes on me." Sebastian murmured. She nodded again, their eyes locking. He gave her a warm smile. "Feeling a little less dizzy?" His breath tickling the side of her cheek.

"My legs still feel like jello."

"I have that affect on women." he quipped with a wink.

Camille frowned. It still astounded her how flirtatious he could be when he was comfortable around someone. Because half of the time on set, he kept to himself. She couldn't help but take in his scent. He smelled like fresh soap and aftershave. It made her insides feel all warm. But she wasn't going to tell him that. Instead she tilted her head back against his chest. She was feeling dizzy but wasn't sure if it was because of the blood or because of him. She could have sworn she felt his heart begin to race quicker. "I-I'm sorry." she stuttered.

"For what?" Sebastian asked, removing the paper towel from her palm. "I just learned something new about you. You're a big baby when it comes to blood." He pressed into her again, turning on the faucet before placing her palm underneath it. "We need to clean it with warm water and soap." he instructed.

"You're so sensitive Sebastian Stan." Camille said sarcastically, lifting her head up to stare at her hand.

"Eyes on me baby girl." Sebastian said gently. "If you faint who's going to feed me?"  

"The soup is ready." Camille commented. But did what he asked, eyes never leaving his handsome face. He definitely looked ten times better than about an hour ago. He looked more alert.

Sebastian let out a low chuckle. "Let's get this cleaned up first." Camille felt a small drop of soap touch her skin. She immediately turned her eyes in the direction of the sink, watching him gently rub the palm of her hand with his fingertips.

How did they always end up these kind of situations? Touching? Closing her eyes for a split second, she blurted. "Your fever broke." needing something else to focus on besides her bloody hand or Sebastian's touch. "You don't feel as warm."  She cringed to herself. Way to go Camille.

"Seriously Cam?"

"What?" she started as he shut the water off. "I was worried." she blabbed, watching him reach out for another paper towel.

"And here I thought you didn't care." he whispered in a mock tone into her ear. "Think you can turn around for me? I need to grab the antibacterial cream and small bandages."

"Yeah." she answered. Turning and leaning back into the counter for support. Her legs almost feeling back to normal. Sebastian took that as a cue to take a step back and grab the things he had mentioned. Once he seized them, he quickly made his way back to her. "You still need to eat." she stated.

It was his turn to frown. "I'm taking care of you right now." he reminded. Opening the small tube of cream to rub on the open wound. "This might sting."

"You know it's a great insult to Latinos when food is rejected." Ignoring his warning. She pulled her hand away from touch at the sudden sting the cream presented. "Ow!" she whined.

"I told you." he said sternly. "Now who's acting like a baby?" pulling her hand back toward him. "And way to guilt trip me. Jerk." he added. "Hold still Camille."

She pouted, but it quickly turned into a cringe as she felt the sting on the cut. "Sebastian..." she complained.

"Almost done baby girl." he muttered without looking up. Camille smiled to herself at the nickname. It was cute. He was cute. Why did this feel so natural? Sebastian taking care of her and Camille taking care of him?

Snap out of it Camille!

The room was silent for a few minutes while Sebastian bandaged her up. Once finished, he peered over at her. "There." grinning from ear to ear. "Still feeling dizzy?"

Camille shook her head. "I think I'm okay now." Sebastian took a step back, covering his mouth with both hands to sneeze. She took the opportunity to use her free hand to touch his forehead. The fever might have broken, but it didn't mean he was fully recovered. "Thank you." Camille said.

"Anytime." Sebastian answered, that genuine smile on his face. Camille opened her mouth to speak, but he was quicker, putting his hands up in defeat. "I'll get the bowls." He washed his hands first, before taking a couple of bowls out of a top cabinet. While he did that, Camille turned back to the stove simmering the burner down. "It smells good." Sebastian complimented.

"Let's hope it taste as good as it smells." she confessed with a giggle. Truth of the matter was, Natalie was the better cook in the family.

Sebastian narrowed his eyes suspiciously, but didn't make a remark. Instead he asked. "Are you going to tell me about it?" Setting down the bowls next to the stove.

"About what?"

He gave her a funny look. "Fainting." Reaching into another drawer for a ladle. "I got it."

"Oh." Deciding not to fight him, she took a step back. "Natalie had fallen off her bike when she was like 12, getting this huge gash on her knee-which she still has the scar till this day- anyway Dad was cleaning it up and I was trying to be the big sister and comfort her. But the next thing I remember was laying on the floor." She heard Sebastian snort. Camille glared at his back. "It's not funny!"

Turning around, he pressed his lips to keep the smile from her, and nodded adamantly. "Of course it's not."

"Remind me to stop sharing childhood stories with you."

"What?! NO!" he exclaimed too quickly. Camille raised an eyebrow. "You're childhood stories are riveting."

"You can be such an asshole sometimes." she snapped.

Chuckling, he turned back to the stove and began to pour soup into each bowl. "I guess I'll just have to meet your sister. Have her share some with me."

Camille closed her eyes for a split second, groaning at the idea of Sebastian and Natalie together. If that wasn't a party for making fun of Camille she didn't know what was. Regardless, it warmed her heart that Sebastian wanted to keep being friends with her once they were back in the states. The anxiety inside of her had wondered if their friendship was going to work once they were not spending all their time together.

"Let's call her right now!" Sebastian teased with wide eyes.

If she hadn't been worried about the flu, she would have been annoyed at how excited he sounded. "I just talked to her." Camille said. Wrinkling her nose as she remembered the conversation. The dread of going home taking over again. Only David could fucking ruin something like this for her.

"Hey, why the long face? I thought you were looking forward to going home."  

"I was." looking down at her bandaged palm. She briefly gave Sebastian's the details of what her sister had told her.

He clinched his jaw in annoyance as he listened. Once she was finished he opened his mouth. "I've been meaning to ask: where do you plan on staying once you're back in Los Angeles?" They had made their way to the kitchen table.

"With Nat and her fiancé. They said I could stay with them until I decide what to do next. They have a pretty big house." Camille answered. "I'll just have to put most of my things in storage for the time being." shrugging. Sebastian opened his mouth but before he could say anything, they heard a ringing of a phone. His phone to be exact. He shut his mouth, frowning. That was the 2nd time his phone had gone off in the last 5 minutes. Giving him a curious look she asked. "Aren't you going to get that?"

Leaning back against his chair, he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand. "It can go to voicemail." he grunted, his jaw twitching.

Camille tried to catch his gaze, but he looked anywhere but at her. "Someone you don't want to talk to?" she guessed.

"Yup." was his response with a scowl.

Waiting a few moments, she asked cautiously. "Leighton?" At the name, Sebastian met her gaze, but did not say a word. His lack of words was an answer in itself. Camille bit her lower lip before saying in a low whisper. "You want to...talk about it?" But she already knew the answer.

"Let's just say, you're not the only one who is dreading the idea of going home." he muttered bitterly. "I'm actually not going to mind having to stay a few extra days." Camille felt her heart flutter in enthusiasm as realization hit that he was wasn't leaving yet. Sebastian gave her a weird look. "What is it?"

Trying to not sound too excited Camille responded. "I'm staying too."

Unlike her, his face lit up the scowl replaced with a grin. "Yeah?" His eyes grew wide, Camille could practically see the wheels turning in his head. "You should fly back to New York with me!"

"W-what?" she stammered. "Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack." Sebastian answered without missing a beat. "I know you're feeling anxious about going home. So why not take a detour for a couple of days? I have a few meetings in L.A, so we can fly back together." he pointed an accusing finger at her. "And don't give me a lame ass excuse about having to work when you get back, because you already told me Liz gave you 2 weeks off."

Camille opened her mouth then shut it, shooting him daggers with her eyes. She really did share a lot with him, didn't she?

"What I' am going to do in New York?" she asked instead.

"You did not just ask me that." Sebastian scoffed.

Rolling her eyes she added. "You know what I mean- "

"I'll let you drag me around the city and do tourist shit, since you've never been there before." he mocked in disgust. "C'mon Camille. We could both use a distraction." he pushed.

"I understand how it's a distraction for me...but for you? You'll still be in New York." she asked confused.

"You'll be there." Sebastian answered without hesitation. He cleared his throat and added quickly. "You can also help me look for a new place. My manager wants me to find somewhere with a bit more security." But Camille noticed his cheeks begin to burn in embarrassment. Obviously he hadn't meant to say that out loud. Camille's stomach churned at the idea of spending a few days in New York with Sebastian. Letting him show her around his old stomping grounds brought a feeling of happiness all over.

"We can go to a Broadway show?" Camille asked with a raised eyebrow.

Sebastian studied her with his own raised eyebrow, but replied. "Yes."

"And we can go to the Empire State Building?" she challenged.

Groaning, Sebastian shut his eyes for a split second. Opening them up, he let out a large sigh. "Yes...I'll take you." he gritted out. "Just remind me to wear a disguise when we go." he mumbled.

[aliceslantern]

Nocturnal Memory, a Kingdom Hearts fanfic, chapter 17

[Summary:  Dying takes a lot out of you, it's true, but when Demyx wakes up for the first time since his fight with Sora nothing's right. His memories are fragmented and he's missing his true name. And he's not the only one. An incomprehensible mystery and an inevitable war make him question what, exactly, he would do to become whole, and reclaim the music lost to him.

on FF.net/on AO3]

The next few weeks became a bleary slog between work and training. He didn't even have time to try and fix the guitar, but even if he did, he doubted he could. The weather got hotter and drier. He got sorer and sorer, but found that, after a while, those mortar bags weren't so heavy, and he could get through a day without feeling like death.

And he wasn't great with the knife, maybe, but he could at least block things now. The first time he disarmed Lea came as a surprise to both of them. He was finally starting to pick up on the whole "holes in the guard" thing. It was in the timing. There was always a brief break in defense after Lea attacked, of course, when he normally sprang back. Only this time, Demyx was actually able to slip in a solid kick to the stomach and knock Lea off balance. After so many weeks of getting beat up, it was satisfying.

"Well," Lea said, coughing, "It's about fucking time."

"…You don't remember your parents, do you?"

Talking to Yuffie was still like treading a minefield. However tentative their interactions were—even friendly at times—the wrong thing could make her mad. "Only my mom a little," he admitted. They'd built quite a bit of the aqueduct at that point. The goal was to finish it by summer, so the dry season wouldn't be so straining. "I don't think I ever had a dad."

"My mom died when she gave birth to me." There was pink sunburn across her nose and she scratched at it, getting gray mortar onto her face. "We didn't exactly have an Aerith at that point."

"I'm sorry."

She shrugged. "I never really knew her to miss her."

"Sometimes it feels like I came out of thin air. Or an act of will."

She laughed. "I know how that is. Even my dad, when faced with a kid, was like, what the hell is this? I think that looks pretty good."

The compliment took him off guard. "Uh, thanks. Once I had to watch these guys build a stone wall for days. I had to get into this noble's palace to steal a scroll. Those dark corridors work, but they're pretty conspicuous, so I couldn't just teleport my way in. I guess I picked something up then. I picked up a lot of skills that way. I'm not a half bad potter. I can weave pretty well."

"A lot of marketable skills."

He snorted. "Yeah, right. "Hello mister job man? Here's my résumé. I know it says I was part of an evil organization, but I'm experienced, I promise." Shit. How am I supposed to get a job if we get through all this?"

She sighed. "Hell if I know. They always make it sound like we're fucked."

"We kind of are."

"I don't want to believe that." She heaved down a stone. "We've always fought. We probably always will fight. We'll pull through."

"What if we don't?" Demyx put down his trowel.

She turned. "What do you mean, if we don't?"

"If we lose."

"Weren't you all just "hey I want to fight with you guys!" a few days ago? You can't think like that." Her cheeks were turning red. "You're not allowed."

Here we go. "I'm allowed to feel however I want."

"Fuck that." She brushed the dust off of her legs. "Let's go eat. I'm starving."

Sometimes Demyx would wonder if following through with his drunken epiphany was a good idea. All the evidence pointed to the fact that they would absolutely get crushed. Sora's uncertainty, mounting reports that worlds were flooding with Xehanort's darkness… It didn't look good. And every time he even allowed himself to consider what being a double agent might mean, his heart started to race and he couldn't breathe and the room around him seemed dizzy.

Yuffie was right about some things, though. There wasn't really any way to sit idly by, as tempting as it was. If he bailed now, he'd still be surrounded by the plan making and the statistics and the-this and the-that. There was no escape, literally or figuratively; he didn't have any control over the dark corridors anymore. And where would he go?

Besides… he very nearly had friends. At the end of the day the committee would ask him along to dinner, and they would just… hang out. No talking about the war, or Xehanort… they talked about normal people things. It was a bizarre sensation.

Cid liked to play cards. He had a battered old deck that Demyx was positive he'd marked. Mostly they played—funnily enough—Hearts. It was the only card game that Demyx was competent at.

"You know you're the only one to beat me," Cid said. He tapped out a cigarette and lit another. Cid's smoking was getting heavier and heavier. Demyx didn't know how he afforded it.

"I don't believe that."

"Leon's sick of it and Yuffie's terrible."

He shuffled the deck again. "21?"

"…I guess."

"Where'd you learn all this stuff, kid?"

He shrugged. "Ten. Mostly." Luxord hadn't frequently invited him along to the card parties, but any time he had had certainly been an experience.

Cid dealt them each a few cards. "Say we make this more interesting."

"Good luck with that. I'm broke."

"Say if I win… you buy me a cigarette."

He laughed. "Alright, fine. And if I win… you give me yours."

Cid smirked. "Hit or sit?"

He looked at the two cards on the table in front of him—ace and eight. It was a shame he was never this lucky in real life. "…Sit."

Cid turned over his other card; cool sixteen. With an expression Demyx guessed was supposed to be calm and confident, he pulled another card. A six. "…Motherfucker. All right. A deal's a deal. Though joke's on you, I only have three left." He handed over the pack. "Remind me to never play with you again."

He lit up one of his prizes. "Oh, don't be a sore loser."

Cid grimaced when the smoke hit his face.

June ended without much comment. Three days of rain trapped them all within their respective houses. This was apparently a sign of the dry season coming. Demyx helped Dilan set up a rain collection tank on the roof.

"Haven't seen hide or hair of you in days," Dilan said gruffly. They both hefted the tank into place on one of the drains.

"Well. We wanted to get most of the aqueduct done to get this rain."

""We."" He gave the tank a solid kick. "Is that connected?"

"Feels like it."

"I'm glad you're at least following your convictions." His tone was bitter.

"What does that mean?"

"I'm merely surprised."

For a moment he could only stand there, speechless, as rain pattered off of their jackets.

"The situation gets grimmer by the day," Dilan continued. "I figured you, of all people, would be long gone. I admit it gets tempting."

"I can't leave," he said.

"What on earth is holding you here?"

"I can't use the corridors. I don't want to. Isn't this your home? Don't you care about it?"

Dilan shook his head. "I'm afraid I have nothing left from what made this place home."

In the distance, thunder boomed.

"I don't want you to make any mistakes," Dilan said. "You'll as good as get yourself killed."

Demyx's hands shook.

"Goodness, you needn't listen to me. If this is how you want to waste your life, go ahead." He shook his head and started towards the door.

"I am so sick of people telling me how I should feel or what I should do." His voice was barely audible. "This… sage advice…"

Dilan didn't look impressed.

"I don't want to hear it anymore. From anyone. I'm… I'm going for a walk."

Dilan shook his head and started towards the door. "Very well."

His clothes were nearly soaking by the time he was down by the ground. He crammed his hands deeper into his pockets. It was raining so hard he could barely see. Cold drops snaked down his neck. His eyes were hot.

He wasn't sure this was the right choice. Not really. But he was doing something good, he was being almost normal. Better than sitting holed up in that castle, bored and alone and stewing in his own memories, conscious of the pressing quiet around him…

The sound of the rain sharpened. The air was humid and hard to breathe.

Ahead he saw a shadow, blobby and black, below the archway leading towards the marketplace. He figured it was some sort of Heartless and drew the knife, but it disappeared.

A human arm tightened around his neck. He floundered and tried to remember what Lea had taught him, but sharp panic clouded his head. Demyx flailed and tried to yell, but a bony hand in a leather glove covered his mouth. He bit one of the fingers hard, but the figure didn't relent. He dropped like a rock, figuring that maybe his weight would take them off guard, but they countered with a sharp kick to his groin. He crumpled and saw stars. He heard them pick up his useless knife and struggled to move, but he hadn't yet caught his breath.

He heard the cut more than he felt it, right into his belly. The figure twisted the handle. Demyx tried to scream but the shock had paralyzed him; he could only exhale sharply.

He was forced onto his back. The figure grabbed at his face. Demyx could only see the maw of the black hood. The figure pulled back his eyelids, took a good look, yanked out the knife, and was gone.

For a moment he lay on his side. Blood spooled out of him, quickly diluted by the rain. He struggled to sit up. He had to yell, to make some sort of noise; he couldn't breathe. The rain seemed squiggly and the wound inside him burned. He sat up and immediately fell as pain crashed through him.

He wasn't going to die like this. He refused.

Darkness encroached his vision and he saw another blur, in violet, coming towards him. He started shivering. He tried to call for help but was too busy passing out.

Trembling and feverishness all over. The room was blurry and dim. Something sticky and cool clung to his chest and side. His head pounded.

He must have slipped in and out of consciousness. Shadows came into the room and left. He couldn't see well.

A memory smoothly unfurled. "Don't go." His own voice, to his mother, her lying there still in the bed. The air was freezing; a storm was coming. The water looked green. He was on some sort of boat, up high, looking down when the first shadow climbed across the horizon—

The stickiness on his body smelled like menthol. He couldn't focus his eyes but he could see now at least a little. The room was warm in color, dim, and a fire burned in a fireplace at the corner. A brown-haired figure hummed a little tune as she did something at a cabinet against the wall.

He tried to speak. His mouth was so dry. "…Aerith?"

Her head snapped up and she rushed over. "You're awake," she said. She checked his pulse.

"What… what…"

"Don't speak. I'm so glad Yuffie found you when she did…"

He felt like he'd been hit by a freight train. A gummy cloth clung to practically his whole torso. Rain still pattered against the roof. "What day is it?"

"It's only been about twenty-four hours."

"…Really?" He lay still. She poked at the gummy cloth. "What happened?" He vaguely remembered—the shadow, his own knife.

"A Heartless hurt you pretty badly. There's a new pureblood that's very stealthy. It poisoned you."

"…Heartless?"

"It punctured your side." He tried to sit up; she pushed him back down. "I only just was able to remove the poison."

"No, it wasn't a Heartless, it was… something else… A person. I saw them." He clutched at her sleeve.

"One of the symptoms of the poison is hallucinations. You more than likely made that up." She smiled.

"No." That couldn't be true. "No, I didn't. I swear. They—they stabbed me with my own knife—" So much for not being able to be poisoned. No wonder he'd been able to get drunk so easily.

"Your weapon was in its holster when Yuffie found you." She pointed to a small night table, where the holster lay on top of his shirt and jacket. "It happens. You're not the first person that thing attacked. How do you feel?"

Demyx half believed her. The fight already was distant and faded. He'd only seen the shadow… the maw of the head… how could he be sure…

He knew that beading and those zippers anywhere.

"My head is killing me."

"I'd be surprised if it didn't. Like a bad hangover, right?"

He shook his head dismissively. "What's this green stuff?"

"It's a healing tissue. I couldn't help but take a crack at those scars. I hope you don't mind. It seemed to help at least a little."

He wasn't sure how he felt about it.

"I can probably take it off, actually. I know it's not that pleasant." She pulled at an end of the cloth and helped him sit up. It sounded sticky and wet when it came off his skin and made him shudder. "I know you must feel sick, but you healed well." Most of the stuff was off of him, other than a patch stuck to his side. "Not all patients are so good."

"Or so unconscious."

She shrugged. "How has this rain been treating you?"

"Well, other than getting stabbed—" She yanked at the patch and it came off painfully, causing him to swear.

"The medicine in this tends to fuse with the skin. Nobody likes it," she explained.

He looked at his side, amazed to find no wound, only a red patch. "This healing stuff sure is complicated. Aren't you supposed to just cast Cure and be done?" He remembered his weeks and weeks of recovery, and how he'd always felt like they were dragging it out.

"Cure is nothing but a temporary metabolic boost that'll make the tissue grow back without treating anything. You can get into real trouble that way. Not to mention, get into a serious caloric deficit." She handed him a glass of water. She'd put the green stuff back into a glass jar full of iridescent liquid. "I'm afraid I couldn't do much for these after all." She poked gently at some of the scars.

"It's… all right." He wished he had something to put on to cover himself up. At least she'd left on his underwear.

"You really have been through a lot," she said lightly.

"I guess so." He looked into the glass of water, which shimmered slightly in the poor lighting. "Aerith, how did you know you wanted to fight back?"

She thought about this, twisting the end of her braid. "I never really had any other option. I was… very young when this world fell. It impacted every part of me. I want to make sure that doesn't happen again."

"Is that why you took up healing?"

"Maybe." She drifted in thought for a moment. "I know it must feel different for you and the others."

He laughed awkwardly, sending a spasm of pain through his side. "Well. Some of this mess is our fault. How can we not clean it up?"

""We"? Or "I"?"

Demyx shrugged.

She stood. "Why don't you get some rest? I'll tell everyone that you're okay."

[surveysonfleek]

212.

1. When you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? more cereal than milk so the cereal doesn’t get too soggy too quickly.

2. Do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a winter day? the first hit of cold is always nice. after awhile it gets annoying.

3. What random objects do you use to bookmark your books? nothing too interesting, random pieces of paper etc. or i’ll just fold the corner.

4. How do you take your coffee/tea? coffee: two sugars with milk. tea: one sugar and milk.

5. Are you self-conscious of your smile? i’m happy with my teeth, they could be a bit whiter though.

6. Do you keep plants? my mum loves plants, our backyard is huge and there’s gardens everywhere. there’s also some plants inside in the front lounge and then our dining room. none in my room, not enough sunlight lol.

7. Do you name your plants? no.

8. What artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? none. do tumblr surveys count?

9. Do you like singing/humming to yourself? only if i’m really into the songs.

10. Do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side or stomach.

11. What’s your inner joke you have with your friends? there’s too many but one of the more recent ones is millus. there’s a guy at work named milos and it’s correctly pronounced ‘milosh’ but everyone says ‘mi-loss’ which is also fine. one of our workmates called him ‘millus’ the other day ever so innocently and we thought it was hilarious. so his name is millus now. lol.

12. What’s your favourite planet? earth.

13. What’s something that made you smile today? getting a new candle!

14. If you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? definitely loft style. huge space with high ceilings. our room would be open on like a second level and then everything on the first level would be studio-like, not many walls apart from the bathroom.

15. Go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! no.

16. What’s your favourite pasta dish? ugh i hate pasta. if i had to choose, probably gnocchi.

17. What colour do you really want to dye your hair? nothing in particular. wouldn’t mind some highlights. but my hair is super dead, it needs a break.

18. Tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. tomorrowland and coachella alwayssss come up in conversation. 

19. Do you keep a journal? What do you write/draw in it? nope.

20. What’s your favourite eye colour? hazel is always pretty.

21. Talk about your favourite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. hmmm i change handbags every year and they all go through hell and back with me lol. but i’d have to choose my hand carry luggage. that shit is super old, one of the zips are broken, the handle struggles to pull up but i still take it with me everywhere. one time i checked it in and it went missing. i thought it was the end of it but thankfully it was found and delivered to my front door lol.

22. Are you a morning person? nope. but if i have to wake up early i can do so easily.

23. What’s your favourite thing to do on lazy days where you have no obligations? i clean my room a bit, rearrange stuff, cook something new and watch netflix.

24. Is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? probably my boyfriend.

25. What’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into? i don’t think i’ve ever broken in anywhere.

26. What are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit? i have a lot of favourites that i’ll wear until they eventually break lol. 

27. What’s your favourite bubblegum flavour? watermelon.

28. Sunrise or sunset? sunset. but sunrises are just as beautiful.

29. What’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? when my boyfriend geeks out about certain things like game of thrones lol. loser.

30. Think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes, of course.

31. What is your opinion of socks? Do you like wearing weird socks? Do you sleep with socks? Do you confine yourself to white sock hell? Really, just talk about socks. i only wear socks when i’m wearing boots or sneakers or if it’s winter and my feet are cold. i own more black socks than white coz of work.

32. Tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with your friends. that’s what i call a dope games night hahaha.

33. What’s your favourite pastry? i honestly love all pastry.

34. Tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. What is it called? What does it look like? Do you still keep it? this cabbage patch doll. she was black with dreads and had a flower tee. my grandparents got it for me, not once did i think she was different coz she was black, i just loved her! i have no idea where it is now sadly.

35. Do you like stationery and pretty pens and so on? Do you use them often? i love stationery, i just don’t use them enough to buy heaps.

36. Which band’s sound would fit your mood right now? no idea. none right now.

37. Do you like keeping your room messy or clean? organized chaos tbh.

38. Tell us about your pet peeves! i could make an entire list. but my main one are people who cough without covering their mouths.

39. What colour do you wear the most? black.

40. Think of a piece of jewellery you own: what’s its story? Does it have any meaning to you? my diamond bracelet my boyfriend got me for my 21st birthday. i love it but it’s super flimsy, it’s broken twice now so i don’t wear it anymore.

41. What’s the last book you remember really, really loving? harry potter. all of them.

42. Do you have a favourite coffee shop? Describe it! starbucks.

43. Who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? i feel like i’ve never done this before lol.

44. When was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? ugh idk never.

45. Do you trust your instincts a lot? yes.

46. Tell us the worst pun you can think of. i’d tell you but it’s not very punny.

47. What food do you think should be banned from the universe? none.

48. What was your biggest fear as a kid? Is it the same today? dogs. haha no, i love dogs now.

49. Do you like buying CDs and records? What was the last one you bought? i don’t buy them anymore. i don’t even remember the last cd i got.

50. What’s an odd thing you collect? nothing weird.

51. Think of a person. What song do you associate with them? marc, get buck. so random.

52. What are your favourite memes of the year so far? haha idk. i like memes but not as much as everyone else on my facebook feed.

53. Have you ever watched The Rocky Horror Picture Show? Heathers? Beetlejuice? Pulp Fiction? What do you think of them? none.

54. Who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? omg this girl at work last night. no customer service whatsoever. i hope i don’t look like that.

55. What’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point? idk lol.

56. What are some things you find endearing in people? just their dorkiness.

57. Go listen to Bohemian Rhapsody. How did it make you feel? Did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i didn’t listen to it. but i do enjoy that song.

58. Who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? Why? this is incredibly fitting. sara is the wine mom 100%, and irene is the vodka aunt, she’s even russian ffs hahaha.

59. What’s your favourite myth? unicorns lol.

60. Do you like poetry? What are some of your favourites? no. the only time i ever read poetry was in school.

61. What’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? The stupidest one you’ve ever received? idk lol. there’s been plenty both ways.

62. Do you drink juice in the morning? Which kind? nope.

63. Are you fussy about your books and music? Do you keep them meticulously organised or kinda leave them be? not fussy at all. i used to be when i was younger. my itunes library would have all correct details and i managed to cut the genres down to under 10. now i don’t care. my books are everywhere too.

64. What colour is the sky where you are right now? black.

65. Is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with? yes.

66. What would your ideal flower crown look like? white, pink and purple.

67. How do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? i love staying inside during those days.

68. What’s winter like where you live? it’s nice during the day and freezing at night.

69. What are your favourite board games? cranium. its an everything boardgame lol.

70. Have you ever used a ouija board? no.

71. What’s your favourite kind of tea? honeydew milk tea with pearls.

72. Are you a person that needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it? no.

73. What are some of your worst habits? i get annoyed easily. i also have no patience.

74. Describe a good friend of yours without using their name of gendered pronouns. i am theirs and they are mine.

75. Tell us about your pets! he’s my first and probably last pet dog, sky. he’s sooooo cute and super old but he still has the spirit of a puppy. physically you can see signs of old age in him but i hope he’s okay.

76. Is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t? nope.

77. Pink or yellow lemonade? neither. they’re too sour.

78. Are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? neither?

79. What’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? organized a present for me overseas. lol.

80. What colour are your bedroom walls? Did you choose that colour? If so, why? turquoise and light grey.

81. Describe one of your friends’ eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. striking.

82. Are/were you good in school? yeah i was good i guess.

83. What’s some of your favourite album art? all of rihanna’s shit.

84.  Are you planning on getting tattoos? Which ones? nope.

85. Do you read comics? What are your favourites? nope.

86. Do you like concept albums? Which ones? is lemonade one?

87. What are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? sound of music.

88. Are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? modern shit. cubism, futurism, surrealism, pop art.

89. Are you close to your parents? fairly close, yes.

90. Talk about one of your favourite cities. san francisco is a dream. it’s the first city my boyfriend and i ever went to overseas. i love it so much, i want to go back.

91. Where do you plan on travelling this year? this year nowhere, only coz i’ve traveled twice this year already.

92. Are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? it depends on the pasta and the cheese.

93. What’s the hairstyle you wear the most? ponytail.

94. Who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my boyfriend’s dad.

95. What are your plans for this weekend? no ideaaaa.

96. Do you install your computer updates really quickly, or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate, duh.

97. Myer Briggs type, Zodiac sign, and Hogwarts house? i forgot, sagittarius, ravenclaw.

98. When’s the last time you went hiking? Did you enjoy it? probably diamond head lmao. i hated it but the view up top was amazing.

99. List some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. noo.

100. If you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go five years into the past, the other five years into the future, which one would you press? Why? errr neither. i guess i’d lean towards going back though. i don’t wna miss all the things the next five years could bring me.