#Obviously I was not there for the start of TF because I was not born yet. And even for TF2 because I was literally 4

[mukuharakazui]

See I've been more annoying about TF2 recently but I need you all to know that I made this blog in October of 2016 and this is the timestamp of the first ever post on this blog tagged with "tf2"

I made this blog partially because a lot of Portal fanart was on Tumblr and partially because my best friend and I were super into TF2 and he posted his little Engie drawings here. TF2 is a cornerstone of this blog throughour all its iterations

[flowachild]

...

[manic-sapphic]

gonna pretend i'm sorry for this cause tbh- it's just a string of spop gifs where i rant for way too long about the feels i get from each scene~

(-hey - i said sorry, ok ... sure, i openly admitted it was a lie - but i guess i just hoped you'd appreciate the slight effort of the pretense-)

this moment obviously kills me- just like i know it does for alotta you- but i just gotta call attention for a sec to what exactly kills me the most about it: up until this point, we've constantly been shown brief moments of catra's expression betraying her true vulnerable state - even if it's just a close-up of her eyes - during which less than a second passes before the look in them transitions from sad/hurt or disappointment/self-hatred (anything of the sort, really) to anger/ resentment/ rage. her brow usually falls quite quickly as her eyes narrow, refusing to allow her real feelings to continue just being felt - (& tbh, for most the show, i think she's just so fucking afraid of what might happen if she does let herself feel them- esp s4 after the portal)

but in this scene - that's changed. it's completely turned around, flipped upside down - she starts off w her usual habit - a display of resentment and rage - that dissolves into the most heart-breaking freaking expression i think i've ever seen. because you can see just how heart-broken she is- and it kinda seems like she's tryna admit, w/o having to say it- that she was already heart-broken for a really long time, and is tryna make one last attempt at getting adora to understand- not to choose catra- that's not the point, that's not what catra's after, even if it is what she wants and needs to know (for her own peace of mind) if the feeling is mutual-

rn, all catra is desperately tryna get adora to even just think about - is herself. take away every single person she feels responsible for - which is literally everyone.. everyone - a feeling, btw, catra now understands to be an unconscious reflex born of the trauma shadow weaver had caused adora. she's finally able to see it was never just her - adora was just traumatized far more secretively & in ways that would be harder for others to notice (which i'm sure was very much on purpose)

- the weird convos w shadow weaver, disguised as personal pep talks, looked as if they only took place when shadow weaver had adora alone - but in failsafe, catra hangs back to listen & make sure there's no bull shit going on- just like she said she would- "i'm only going to make sure shadow weaver doesn't try anything - it's not because i like you-" (yeah yeah we get it- u DoN't LiKe HeR ~ duuuh, that's cuz u luv her u dummy <3)

oh but now- now i gotta talk about THIS look right here- as if the expression they give catra when/after she asks "what do you want, adora?" isn't enough to see me out in the backyard digging my own goddamn grave- then they throw this shi on my tv screen just seconds later ?! tf. i mean- the way catra's eyes shift up- no longer able to keep looking at adora after the only answer she can give her as to what she wants is "i have to do this, catra - i'm the only one who can" ... FUUUUUUU THO OK

for so many reasons, too many for me to get into in a post i already feel bad about cause dude i ain't near done ranting on scenes and moments annnd i see how long it's already gotten- my bad, fr- so i'll just try (and fail) to narrow it down and keep it brief- catra's questioning what adora wants is definitely aimed most importantly at her hope that maybe she can still get adora to even just think about that- to realize that she's allowed to and should think about it.

but i also read it as, once again, these two knowing each other so well that they don't always have to say exactly, word for word, what they wanna ask or tell each other- the emotional stuff is weird and hard for them to even put into words still, tbh; cause i mean, ya know- orphaned child soldiers discouraged from even showing any signs of illness when sick, cause asking for medical attention would be a real loser move for a kid to make, right.. like, wtf? dude- they can take on so much and handle the gnarliest situations that require strength and skills and abilities i couldn't ever ever fucking fathom facing - but feelings? tf? all i can ever hear them thinking in response to those: "ohhh fckfckfck what is this, why is this & how do i make it stop -???"

so when catra asks adora what she wants, i mostly hear her begging adora to be a little selfish - just this once, at least - and let herself think about herself, but i also hear catra's most vulnerable, desperate, & honest ask of adora so far. what i hear woven in what catra actually says aloud, is another quiet question she's still too scared to put into words, but that i kinda think she hopes/knows adora will hear if she's really listening- "do you want me?"

uggghh and the way that after a moment of an outward, unfiltered display of grief over adora's answer (or more accurately, lack of an answer), catra wipes her eyes and turns away. the switch flipped. back on her bull shit. emotional defense mechanisms she's once again starting to feel are the right idea & always were, and is prob feeling like a fool for ever thinking she might actually get to have a life where she doesn't have to feel them as necessities - where it doesn't feel like that's the only way she'll ever survive.

cause maybe by now, she's seen that some people get to have that - but it's just not the life that was ever meant for her. just like adora was never meant to have a life of her own - at all - period. they're both still so easily fcking convinced of what they've been conditioned to believe about themselves, their lives, and the inevitabilities associated w their existence - (FUCK OFF FOREVER SHADOW WEAVER)

and the quick little moment of adora shown just after catra disappears - possibly gone from her sight forever - the shorter close-up of her reaction before the shot goes waaay back and she cries out for catra - i feel like it def doesn't get enough recognition (prob mostly due to the fact that the clip of adora yelling catra's name comes only seconds later and is portrayed far more dramatically, & in a way that crushes tf outta ur soul, ofc)

but that lil bit there- that brief second of adora's initial reaction- the moment she starts to process that catra just left- that catra's gone, and that this time- adora thinks it's probably for good- her short, shuddering intake of breath followed by what seem like more hurried, forced breaths that kinda appear difficult for her to take- sound like the first seconds of a fcking panic attack to me dude.

and it certainly hurts to watch just as much as when she calls out after catra - although yeah, tbh, that bit stings a lil extra in its own way- i mean, knowing catra had to have heard adora pretty much scream out her name seconds after she disappeared w melog- fuck. (idk how tf catra didn't come right back tbh. i'd be visible again so quick, rushin to adora like "omg bb i'm so sorry- pls don't cry, never ever, ily so much, won't ever hurt u again ok- ilysm omg omfg ily i'm so sorry" & btw, that's a totally normal thing to think when watching that scene ok-)

oh but then - omfg - adora gets a swift slap in the face from the crystal castle - the haunting of a sudden, unexpected vision of catra. all the catra's. catra in so many of the different forms adora's known her through, even if it was as enemies. it reminds me a bit of an excerpt out of the "don't go" fanfic - "catra hasn't been in her life for a long time - but she hadn't known how unbearable it would be to lose her for good until that moment" -

neither of these bitches ever wanted each other gone- catra (very sadly so) def spent most the series tryna convince herself that's how she felt about adora- tho it's just cause her conditioning taught her to think needing someone makes you weak and easy to hurt, and tbh, i think catra knew she needed adora for most their lives, even if she could never admit it to herself in even the form of a full, conscious thought--

but i think she also believed that, after the promise, that need was confirmed to be mutual. and in that way, it was something catra never needed to say but also never felt the need to be ashamed of/embarrassed by- until adora left. and her belief that the feeling of needing each other for support & protection (and let's be honest, care & affection) was mutually shared between them was shattered - & in such a way that i imagine catra musta felt like she was the actual idiot all along - adora had never needed her, and now she needed to figure out how to achieve that same independence - she needed to figure out how to not need adora.

omg tho dude - pretty sure i've said it before but i can't not say it (aka rant on it tho tbh- sorry lol) again and prob every time i ever share anything that features this couple seconds of what i kinda feel to be adora's most honest, selfish, & vulnerable moment we see up to this point- & without her needing to say a fucking thing- just tears that fall from her eyes after catra basically says "uhh yeah ok so- fuck that nonsense- i'm not leaving, idc wtf happens- i'm staying with you"

--(cause yeah, maybe she spent the last few years too prideful and stubborn to admit that was always what she wanted to do and where she loved being the most- and after so little time spent back by adora's side- it was breaking her fucking heart all over, knowing her chance at having time w adora was going away again- but regardless, catra gets now- that part's not up to her; it's never been her choice to make- & not even adora's, really- but deciding to stay w adora no matter where she goes- that's always been up to her- and she's not ever fucking making the mistake of choosing not to stay right beside that silly sweet dummy ever, eeeever again)

BUT duuude tho - the way adora cries a bit but says nothing - doesn't attempt even once to try n convince catra to go, to push her to leave and get somewhere safe - i just can't help but figure catra staying with her is exactly what she wanted, but never would've asked for in a million years. never would've even let herself form the question in her head.

but in spite of that, when catra states it unequivocally and clearly adds w confidence - "no matter what happens" - adora can't argue. she can't insist. much like catra hasn't really been able to do for quite a while now - adora can't fake it anymore. she's just too tired and she finally has to recognize she wants someone to take care of her, too - just like she's felt compelled to do for everyone else for so long. and in that moment, i feel like she's finally wordlessly admitting to catra, not only does she want her to be the one to take care of her - she needs her to be (and always has)

ahhhh but oof-baboof bro - then there's all this.

somehow, catra straight up delves deep into the abyss currently consuming adora & pretty much says - "fuck no. plsss wake up - you can't just die like this, not before you ever get a chance to live your own fcking life, good god dude - i get now why you couldn't before, but please, this time - STAY."

(huh- stay.. another way of saying "don't go"... hmmm :) <3)

these gurls literally got so much love for each other that catra is able to straight up force open an entryway into adora's fading subconscious (which seems to be the only part of her that's still alive) - just by talking to her - barely above a whisper there in the heart, but in adora's mind, she's screaming at her.

the desperate, hopeful sentiments uttered, urging adora to keep going - to push through this and come out the other side alive - to please survive because you deserve to - are just that much stronger when they come from catra- it's that loud to adora when catra is the one saying it- cause she's finally freaking realized, catra's the one she most hopes to hear it from. knowing catra feels that way about her is something she's never really had, and vice versa ofc, even when they were both in the horde. it wasn't the kind of thing they were taught to say or even acknowledge feeling - but hearing catra beg her to just stay alive - and then hearing why catra so desperately hopes for her to - adora's made certain that it really is true -

she does deserve love, and there's someone whose love she's realized she wants- and they're holding her, telling her she has it & always has. and suddenly staying isn't a hope, isn't a plea - it's an inevitability. adora ain't going nowhere--

and, so reminiscent of adora's line to catra near the end of save the cat: "c'mon catra, you've never listened to anyone in your life - are you really going to start now?" we hear catra imploring adora: "you've never given up on anything in your life- not even on me- so don't you dare start now!"

they both know each other so well, they know the best buttons to push that might just work when tryna reach each other, even when one of them is lost to the point of nearly being gone for good - they don't find a door to open - they take a saw to the fucking wall and make one. and pull the other back through. cause everything will be ok if they just stay together. and once they've both finally accepted the truth to that - that's all they wanna do, to the point of refusing to allow each other to die when faced with that possibility. and likewise, refusing to die- just knowing the other is there waiting for them, wanting them, is enough to bring them back -

wanting the life they haven't gotten to share yet, and straight up refusing to let anything take the hope of that future away - even if it means unlocking their true, innate she-ra form (and beginning to understand that they are magic & it was never about the stupid sword) - or if it's wielding some strange, mysterious power w/o prob even knowing they are- like reaching through a metaphysical doorway into the mind of the love of your life and grasping as far and as desperately as you can for their hand, trying- and succeeding- to pull them back from the brink of death.

their story is literally so lovely. & individually, they are truly such honest, raw, complex and thought-provoking characters - presented in a way that offers viewers a fairly rare experience, even these days, of seeing a story written by people willing to honor the honesty everyone deserves to see and may kinda need to see - things aren't always shiny, happy, good times & people aren't perfect- quite literally, no one is- but that doesn't mean there's no point trying. that doesn't mean there's no hope of a happy ending - or that you don't deserve one. it's literally all just part of life, part of living that you'll find yourself faced w figuring out along the way- whether the answers are good or bad. and that's an insane idea to thread into a freaking cartoon dude - wuhhh tf

oh and ps- catradora are canon. (almost wanna end every rant w this reminder lolol) ~~ they cannot be stopped, this shit won't ever be undone lmao. & that makes me wanna say- "hell yes!" and for anyone who it makes wanna say "hell no" - all i got in response to that isssss "more catradora for us then - hell yes x2"

:) <3

[gaytistic]

My thoughts on Descendants: The Rise of Red

The Queen of Heart shouldn't have been the ruler of *all* of Wonderland

King of Heart (the Queen's brother) would possibly be an interesting character.

Red should've used her glitter bomb powers throughout the whole movie and her lightning powers since she clearly has some

Idk if Maddox is Red's age but they should be. Also they should've been just a little more deranged. (Non-binary Maddox anyone?)

I hate Prince Charming's blue streak in his hair so much😭 (He should've been blond because of Chad's hair colour) also I think his outfit should've been more white and blue. That way Chloe could've had all three as her colour pallet. Also Red having Red & Black is such a nice contrast to that.

RITA ATE

I like the headcanon that Red's real name is Quinn and they just call her Red. It would be cool if her mother calls her Quinn and Red keeps asking her to call her Red but she doesn't until the end of the movie.

Chloe's outfit doesn't show off her shoes enough

Love ain't it's slow soft start low-key sucks, also there should've been a chorus closer to the start, probably instead of the "Could it really be her" part cuz it's so dumb. These extras💀😭

Queen of Heart's outfit changing is so weird (ate tho)

RITA ATE

Is it just me or did Chloe's hair change?

Chloe so obviously checking Red out💀

Fairy Godmother shouldn't have been Ella's age, she literally her godmother like-

AND HER RUN😭

"Think what you want to boo" 💀💀

-> Think what you want to, Blue (Chloe nickname)

Chloe's hair changed again

Why is young Brigette American?

"cALl uS JAlLadEN"

Who tf is Uliana? WHO THE FUCK IS MORGANA? SERPENTINE? You could've just used more villains like Maleficent💀 Like why wasn't Evil Queen there? Her and Maleficent were canonically friends when they were younger

The VKs actors really ate, I wish the movie could've reflected their awesomeness better

Also this background music is low-key fire

The flamingo scene? That was so embarking like- Maleficent would NEVER hang with those dorks

CHLOE'S HAIR AGAIN

I love Ella, she's so well written

This crew is getting on my nerves, they're just way too random. I love Morgi but who is he? Also he's basically just Gil. This crew is just Uma's crew and it's so unoriginal. Like if you're gonna be unoriginal why not use the OG VK's parents? That would've been so much better

Chloe and her goddamn hair

'fight of our lives' playing in the background of the GlassHeart moment

Brigette dancing to nothing💀 You could've just given her a radio 💀 AND HER WIG

I'm so sick of Chloe's FUCKING WIG CHANGES

'Get your hands dirty' is actually such a good song

'It was time to lose the glass shoes' LESBIANS

Stealing shoes? Ew.

Red is deffs in love with Chloe

The only reason I can think for Maleficent and Hades to be there but no other major villains is that them being in permanent detention means Mal is never gonna be born

Imagine Bridgette playing 'hearts' while doing the shuffle of love

The Chloe & Cinderella reunion is a bit off

RITA👏 ATE👏

Overall really fun and enjoyable movie

[pleasantviewrainfall111]

Copperdale Academy ♥️

It's me, hi, indecision it's me!

When I woke up this morning and saw that the lovely @neishroom was looking for teens, I was beyond hyped and knew that I'd spent the day crafting and choosing little fella's for her to play with.

I obviously can't JUST make or pick one Sim. No, that would be normal. I have to make fucking six, because I'm me.

And since I couldn't decide for myself, I figured I'd share them all and let Nei pick whichever one she likes best!

Be it all, one or even none - all up to you, babes. 😊

Akira Ikeda - He/Him; Pan; Mt. Komorebi

Akira is your not-so-average lad from Mount Komorebi.

He was raised by not one but two mums - Ayame and Samsara - who more than dote on their baby. (Yes, he's very spoiled. Yes, he can be a bit of a twat. But he means well....?)

Thanks to his mum, Akira is interested in all things surrounding engineering and science. He may not look the part, but he can be rather geeky and he'll gladly hold a lecture about the proper way to assemble a servo. (No, he'll not stup until he's done, no matter what you say.)

Devante Zanders - He/Him; Bi; San Myshuno

Devante - Dev to his friends - was raised in San Myshuno and is exactly what you'd call a city boy. He loves the streets of his home town almost as much as he does dogs.

Dev likes sports - any sport, he'll play pickle ball, he'll play football, he'll surf, jog or run the treadmill. It doesn't matter to him as long as the company is good.

And, keyword company: Dev is quite the charmer. Ever since his toddler days, he's had an easy time making friends and gathering hearts wherever he steps with his laid back vibe and disarming smiles. But only those he truly trusts get to see how much of a goofball my guy really is.

Kareena Advani - She/Her; Demi; Tomarang

Born in Tomarang and raised by one dragon of a mother, Kareena doesn't remember the last time she just got to let go and chill. Every single day is spent bowing to her mothers whims and demands - good grades, good performances, good behaviour, good everything. Maybe then she'll finally be worthy of her mothers love.

Deep down, she doesn't want or care about any of these things. Kareena seeks to enjoy her life and go with the flow, until she's old enough to start a family herself. And once she does, she swears she'll do everything to be a much better mother than her own.

Jiajia Ouyang - She/Her; Lesbian; Ravenwood

Let me tell you - this girl may look all sweet and demure, but don't forget that she's made in Ravenwood ™️. So while she does love little, fluffy creatures and all things soft and cozy, she's also absolutely obsessed with ghosts and any other spooky shit. Thanks to that, Jiajia doesn't scare easily and is likely to react with fascination to any urban myth or ghost story.

Be aware: It's not super easy to become her friend. The best approach would probably be to treat her like on would a crow. Yell "Hey, look at the cool rock I found!" and she'll be by your side, longinly staring at whatever trinket you show her now.

Gracie Lou Freebush - She/Her, ???, Del Sol Valley

Grace - try and call her Gracie, and she'll knock out your teeth - grew up in the lower parts of Del Sol Valley to a deadbeat single dad. Thanks to that, she's always been selfsufficient and never relies on anyone else. Her motto? If you want it done, do it yourself and if it's too hard, get tf over it.

She tends to be a loner, despite her loud and confident demeanour, and getting to know her may be quite difficult. You're just as likely to run into walls as you are to find a way around them, so best stand back and listen to her play the guitar until she decides it's time to like you!

And a little bonus duo that likely won't be picked since they're kind of a package deal, but I wanted to share nonetheless:

Floortje van der Bijl - She/Her; Straight, Brindleton Bay

Mats van der Bijl - He/Him; Bi; Brindleton Bay

These blonde cuties are Floortje and Mats, your average twins from Brindleton Bay. The two of them couldn't be more different - at least in character - but they're as close as they come. Having never met their parents, they're the only blood-family they know. I specifically say blood family, because the two of them grew up in a very loving foster home, meaning they've always had good people surrounding them.

Floortje is ambitious and goal oriented. She doesn't quite know where she is headed, but she'll do everything to make sure she has all her options open. In her free time, she loves hanging out with friends or playing the violin - something she's loved ever since she was a child - and, if the mood strikes her, she may even throw down a mat and do some yoga.

Mats, however, is less motivated. All he really wants to do is dance and he knows he doesn't need to get good grades to do that - much to his sisters chargrine. So he usually just practises or chills, whatever he wants more at the time. He's barely hanging on, all things considered, but it could be much much worse. And, luckily, he can always rely on his sister to kick his butt whenever necessary.

[jingycakes]

In my TD Wicked au, why tf do I think Heather should be Elphaba instead of Gwen??

Just a little post I thought I should make after going through the Wicked tag on here and thinking that I should probably explain myself when it comes to the character choices; and ultimately this is just for some fun character analysis and discourse.

Why I think Heather is more synonymous with Elphaba’s character than Gwen is

Yes, Gwen is a loner with rebellious tendencies; not to mention she was the outcast goth girl in season one. Not to mention she and Courtney are a popular Yuri ship in the same way Elphaba and Glinda are. Also, while we’re playing off of Courtney being Glinda, then that would make Duncan Fiyero, both of which are initially in a relationship with Courtney/Glinda, but then after some character development end up falling for Gwen/Elphaba. 

The problem I have with this is, simply, I am not a Gwuncan fan; I respect/tolerate it more than I did when I was a teenager, but I am still a Duncney Stan through and through, thus in my heart they are endgame. So, no, Gwen cannot be Elphaba, not while I’m the master of this au.

Now HEATHER on the other hand can still work just as well, if not better and here’s a little on why.

First off, Heather is mostly a villain throughout the show, but like Elphaba she wasn’t born evil; in fact they had a pretty similar upbringing all things considered.

Both characters were born to wealthy households, but were ostracized and bullied throughout their childhoods; Elphaba for being green and Heather for being overweight, and neither got the parental love that was deserved. Elphaba’s father blamed her for the death of her and Nessarose’s mother and for the latter being born paralyzed, and from how they act in the video call from home, both of Heather’s parents clearly communicate that they don’t miss her in the slightest and it is popularly consensus among the fandom that they were negligent/emotionally abusive to her growing up.

So we have two characters who were told nonstop growing that they are unable to love or be loved; unworthy, and the source of everyone’s problems around them. Eventually they are going to give in and start playing the part. Of course Elphaba was/is never truly evil and this is only propaganda employed by the Wizard, whereas Heather obviously starts out as a bully and gives other characters plenty of reason to hate/distrust her. However, she does lighten up as the show progresses, and a big parallel I see of her and Elphaba’s character is how when she tries to warn other contestants in World Tour about Alejandro’s true nature, everyone blows her off, just as how Elphaba has no chance at convincing the citizens of Oz of the Wizard’s lack of real power and hidden agenda, because they are already weary of her as it is, which makes it so easy for his cabinet to employ such a powerful smear campaign against her and make her out to be a ‘Wicked Witch.’

Now onto Elphaba x Fiyero….as I’ve said before under a previous post, Alejandro is DEFINITELY Fiyero. I’m still giddy from all their interactions when I watched the movie and I just love how they were able to flesh out the relationship a little more since they were not limited to a live stage production.

What does everyone at Shiz view Fiyero as? A perfect, charismatic prince who has it all; albeit also shallow and self-absorbed.

What do the other contestants view Alejandro as? Perfect, charismatic and charming; but it is made no secret to the audience how conceited he is.

Elphaba and Heather see right through their facades that neither these men are who they make themselves out to be with only one person seeing the real them from the get go. 

Anyways that’s all I have for now; obligatory “thank you for coming to my TED talk” and JFC why do they have to wait a FULL GOD FORSAKEN YEAR TO RELEASE WICKED PART 2

💚🖤

[pipermca]

TF One Thoughts

I saw the movie at a preview last week, and saw it again this weekend.

I loved it!

THIS is the movie Transformer fans have been waiting for. It's got good characterization, emotions, stakes, action, and humour, and it does it all while still being aware of all the years of history that it's borrowing from. (And somehow manages to do it without sexist or racist baggage. Go figure!)

And it's definitely ignited some thoughts in my brain. I'll probably be chewing on these ideas for a while before they go anywhere (mostly because I'm trying to focus on my current ongoing) but I wanted to get them down before I lost them.

Spoilery movie and worldbuilding thoughts behind the cut!

Sentinel Prime. I LOVE HIM. I want to do things to him. I want to dip him in wax and put him on a shelf. Normally, I don't get super interested/inspired by villains. Megatron, Tarn, Overlord... they're FINE but they don't really stick in my head. They're like scenery. TF:One Sentinel, though? Whoa. Obsessed. I think it might be because I KNOW assholes who would pull shit like what he did. I've worked for some. So maybe he's just more of a realistic villain to me than the over the top DJD sort of sadism. And he's so pretty. Hnnrr.

Timescale and Sentinel's deception. So in the novelization, D-16 says "my entire generation was born without cogs." So basically the cogless are all the new bots, which means the ones who can transform are older. Some of the racers on the board are canonical Autobots, so I doubt they knew what was going on with the cogless. Sentinel could have just framed it as "Matrix lost, cogless born, energon dried up, so sad." But how long has this been going on? And the miners were all talking about promotions and being higher tiers. What did that get them? Someone other than Sentinel and Airachnid had to know something! God, I want details on how Sentinel arranged everything to keep everyone in line. (And D-16 obviously thought the same thing, as he wants to kill everyone who supported Sentinel's deception.)

Transportation Infrastructure. Tell me how it works. I want to know. The roads build themselves as you drive! So do the train tracks, below and above the surface! Obviously there's a threshold for the roads: Orion has to slow down enough (?) before the road starts building itself under his wheels as he drives. So the train, I could see the train having just the chunk of track behind and in front of it, and disassembling the back part to build the front track as it goes, but how do the roads work? Does the road just read your mind for where you want to go? Or are there causeways that it will use? (This makes sense, like a drawbridge: if no one's using the road it'll go away so that flyers can make use of the space.) But if the road is reading your mind, see my thoughts below about Primus. :3

Building infrastructure. After the race, when Sentinel and Airachnid come to see D-16 and Orion, they have to lean down to look into the examination room where they're waiting. And there are other "bays" in the same facility designed for larger bots. So this brings up all my IDEAS about how to design a city/support infrastructure around people who can be wildly different sizes.

The surface. The idea of a Cybertron surface that is always changing and transforming is... mwaa! chef's kiss, A+. I touched on the idea before in my story The Ghost of the Howling Plains, where there were canyons that would open and close suddenly and unexpectedly. But what we saw in the movie was FAR more than that, and I LOVE it. Imaging trying to map the surface that way. Maybe there are only parts that change like that... For example, the parts with organic matter (like around the cave) must be pretty stable. And the city/building structure they hid in from the Quintessons must have been built in a place where it wouldn't be ripped apart by the surface undulations.

The mines. So they're mining up unrefined energon from down in the depths of the planet. And Sentinel implies that even that source of energon is drying up, that it's being exhausted. Like the planet is slowly going dry. And uh...

Primus. So if Primus is ACTUALLY the planet, and the people are living on his surface (in the past) and just under his "skin" (now)... Well, that makes sense why the surface is changing. The surface is living... Flaking off, growing new. The mines are slowly sapping his energy, draining him of his "blood." The planet is alive, and that's why it is always changing! Eeeee, I love this.

This movie made me so happy. I know it really struggled opening weekend (apparently because Beetlejuice 2 had longer staying power than expected, and might have sapped some views from Transformers: One) but I so hope that Hasbro will still see it as a success. It's gotten amazing reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, the toy fans love it, the fanfic fans have loved it, the casual comments I've seen from random people said it was a fun flick, and it's getting really good buzz online. I think the first trailer and the staggered release really hurt it, unfortunately... All I can do is hold my breath and hope they build on what they made here. 🙏

Please go see it when you can. 💗

[my-castles-crumbling]

Cas babe, I'm royally fucked. The drama that is surrounding me rn is so fucking unreal.

So let me start from the very beginning, so I m a 16 yr old girl and i hv this really close guy friend let's call him J, so J and I have been friends since forever, like I don't even remember when I first met him. I have known him since I was born , like I have never known a life without J. And i love him like a brother.

Ok so fast forward a few years and now we're both 16, and we met this girl, Lottie she was a transfer student and we ( J , Lottie and I) had a few classes together. And slowly we develop a friendship.

Now the thing is that J has a crush on Lottie and he told me as soon as he realised it and me being the great friend that I am have subtly been wingwomaning him .

So, last week after English class (only Lottie and I have this class) , Lottie asked me out. Yeah, and I'm straight af but I'm an ally. So I was like what? But she was like i thought u were queer coz u give very strong queer vibes which is kinda true because I have a MAJOR crush on lily Rose depp and i hv always said that she could run me over with her car and I'd thank her and beg her to fuck me, (yeah I have issues.) And I also have bi friend who i jokingly call my wife bcoz when she came out ppl were being very homophobic and i thought that was the only way to support her. (i was 14 ok i don't judge me)

So back to Lottie I wa obviously s so very awkward I was like ohhh. And i told her in the politest way i could manage that I m straight af (bcoz i am) and I'm kinda flustered that she has a crush on me bcoz she is really pretty. And she got very embarassed and started apologising and I was like no no it's fine , it's totally fine. Yeah but she also kinda requested me not to tell anyone else that she's a lesbian bcoz she's not out to everyone, and I was like Of course .And now she has been trying to avoid me for the few days which anyone in her position would do tbh, so I don't blame her for that.

Ok so now bcoz Lottie is avoiding me she's also avoiding J by extension coz we both r usually hanging out together. So i already told u that J has a crush on Lottie so he was obviously not happy that she was avoiding us and i couldn't tell him why bcoz OBVIOUSLY.

And a little note abt my best friend he is extremely fucking extra , he is the biggest drama queen in the world like Sirius Black level of drama. So now his dumbass decided that he will ask Lottie out, and bcoz he is so fucking extra abt everything he is thinking of using the help of his teammates ( he's on the football team) to ask her out after the football match next Friday.

And in trying to convince him that he should not do it, but when he asks why i don't have any solid reason because it's not my place to tell him abt Lottie. So he's really planning everything to make the proposal perfect, and I'm stressing tf out.

I love J and i don't want to see him get hurt bcoz obviously Lottie is gonna say no, and on top of that it would be kinda humiliating bcoz the entire school and another school would be there. And I'm also worried that Lottie will think that I did this in purpose to embarrass her so now I'm stuck in a huge fucking dilemma.

And ngl I find this situation extremely fucking hilarious BCOZ WHAT IN THE WATTPAD LEVEL OF SHIT IS THIS? IS THIS SITUATION EVEN REAL? LIKE DOES THIS KINDA SHIT EVEN HAPPEN IRL???

pls help me bcoz I don't know what tf I'm going to do and i hv to do something before Friday or 😭😭😭.

omg I have to say- the way I was literally gasping throughout this story because...wow

So first, I want to say I think you were really sweet with Lottie. It sounds like you're a super kind person, and a wonderful ally <3

Honestly, I would probably talk to Lottie (if possible) and tell her that J is about to ask her out in front of the entire school, and ask her if it's okay for you to tell him that she's simply not interested. The reason I think this is the best option is because, either way Lottie will find out about J's feelings, so you can't really prevent that. This way, you're preventing embarrassment for both Lottie and J. Also, you're possibly protecting Lottie from attention by telling J you just "heard Lottie is not interested" because that doesn't out Lottie. AND even if J doesn't listen to you, you've helped by both preparing Lottie for what will happen and by sort of...introducing J to the idea that she's not interested.

So yeah. I think this is your best bet.

Keep me updated, I'm dying to know what happens!

(Also I am naming all the anons who write to me in case they want to write in the future, and I am using a random positive affirmation generator to do so. So I dub thee: caring anon. Enjoy your free tag!)

[cosmics-beings]

do you have any happy tf earthspark or tfp megastar famil/sparkling kid hcs, it's so hard to find those.

You've come to the right person. I devour happy megastar family content.

I wrote a really cute tfp megastar family fic a while ago, but I hc that those two do have a family. After the horrid events of predacons rising, Megatron is in exile and Starscream is rogue. The two find each other again by chance and of course, it's not the best meeting but they decide to stay around one another for some time. Starscream can leave when he wants, but for some reason he chooses not to. Anyway, without the war, and constantly fighting, the two get to see another side of one another that didn't exist. They've been through a lot, lost a lot, both are victims of abusev/violence, and for all they've been through together, they try to heal. At that time, just by nature of being the former first and second of the decepitcon army, some decepticons who felt displaced in cybertron find them where they are.

Megatron vows no more violence, but he and starscream agree to start a neutral population hidden from cybertron. Eventually, they are inexplicably happy after years of healing and forgiveness and they have a family. They have four children, and Megatron is happy when he realizes this war wasn't for nothing. He is happy with Starscream, he is free, his children are free and they get to live in peace. Starscream is also a leader of basically their planet, while he's happy with the kids and Megatron, he is still a little wicked, but who would Starscream be if he wasn't that. Long story short, they've got three daughters and one son, and they were born during Megatron and Starscream's time creating a new, happy and free civilization post the war.

TF Earthspark Megastar kids are fun ajdflafja. Obviously, there is a lot of work that needs to be done between Megatron and Starscream before any of them can be comfortable around one another. BUUT it happens, because Megatron and Starscream start to realize their similarities and just want to heal. Things go slow, and Megatron is respectful of Starscream, but eventually, it is Starscream who wants to eventually start at least an acquaintanceship with Megatron. Not so much forgive him (yet), but want to move on. Through there, they start to heal and that's really only possible because they are both similar. Both are victims of abuse, both are victims of violence and oppression and in turn, turned around and hurt others. When they both realize that they were caught in a cycle of abuse and pain because of how they were treated in their past, they decide to grow past it. Megatron and Starscream are still technically on different sides, Megatron is an Autobot, Starscream is the Decepticon leader, but that doesn't stop Starscream from seeking Megatron out and growing close to him. That aquaintanship just keeps on growing until it becomes something more. And with a healthy group of friends around them (the maltos, the autobots, etc) and with no war or violence, and with the two healing (because they help each other), they both fall in love. None were thinking of sparklings, it just happened. AND when i say that i mean that. Similar to all my aus, Seekers do not change when they're carrying because they don't know; it's not natural for them. So they don't know until emergence.

Regardless, they are happy and they are good parents. And are the kids a little evil like Starscream and have ideations of wanting to one day take over Earth?? DUH. The children are both Autobot and Decepticon and perhaps, a little terran?

As for Megatron, he is happy but he is conflicted about a lot of things. for once tho, Starscream is the last thing he is conflicted about, and while everyone is chill and happy, both Starscream and Megatron get their family.

*it should be stated that in my personal megastar aus, i actually don't see them being a thing or even having romantic /sexual feelings toward one another until after the war, so these all clearly take place after the war*

[mxltifxnd0m]

sam with a teenage daughter is so funny in my mind, like he’s so overprotective of her like that’s his baby so when she comes home with a bf he tries to be intimidating but realizes the bf is actually a decent person so he relaxes and he comes to u panicking like “how tf do i act our daughter has a bf?!?!!?!” and ur obviously a bit weary bc its ur daughter’s first bf but overall its not the end of the world (unless he hurts her bc then all hell would break loose, literally) and he asks u a bunch of questions abt ur teenage years n boyfriends n after a bit he’s like “okay enough” n plugs his ears.

anyways he’s definitely such a crybaby on her wedding day, presuming she stays with her first bf him and sam form a close bond and at the end of the aisle he’s like to the bf “take care of her” and it’s such an emotional moment. i feel like he’d also give her a piece of jewellery as an heirloom and then when the honeymoon car is abt to leave he cries again bc that’s his baby and he loves her and doesn’t want her to get hurt, and he’d definitely give his grandkids pictures of u n him and tell ur embarrassing stories to them and u do the same and neither of u ever live it down, u n him also tell embarrassing stories abt ur kid to ur grandkids and no one ever lives it down it’s a never ending cycle of embarrassing stories and that becomes a tradition to live on

-💽

ommgg sorry 💽 anon i just checked my inbox 😭😭 but AHHH IM OBSESSED WITH GIRL DAD SAM AND THIS IS JUST SO AOIHFA;IFIHFOA YOUR BRAIN I LOVE IT SO MUCH

the thought of sam having a teenage daughter is so funny to me because he's so out of his depth when it comes to the fact that his little girl isn't so little anymore and even though he wishes that his little girl would stay little, he loves the fact she's growing up to be a wonderful human being. like he was in awe when of her when she was born and he couldn't fathom the fact that he helped make this fragile human being and seeing her grow into a perfect mixture of you and him, well it makes him tear up at the thought

LOL sorry i went off on a tangent there, but YES hes very protective of his daughter, but i think he eases up as she gets older but he'll always be protective of his kid and so when he meets his little girls partner or bf, he doesn't have to try and look intimidating (his height is already a factor and he's still running and working out so he's still broad and built) but when he learned more about her partner, he's like damn, they're actually a good kid and they start to bond as she brings them over more and more.

LMAO the thought of him coming to you and panicking about his little girl dating is so funny and you kinda just look at him like, 'we have girl talk all the time, its nothing new to me' but you humor him when he asks questions and you knew that he'd regret it when you tell him how you were as a teenager.

OMG sam would be a crybaby on his little girl's wedding day and just be in awe of how grown up his daughter is. i really like the idea of the family heirloom and the embarrassing stories because let's face it sam is a little shit and will not miss the opportunity to tell embarrassing stories about his daughter, because at the end of the day, she's still his little girl

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

Fun fact about my agender ass I fully believed that gender identity did not exist until I was like fourteen

Like I had not experienced it so I assumed nobody else had. Now I know that gender, the gender binary, gender roles, are all social constructs, but from my understanding, gender identity isn't. Many many people are born with a gender identity in their brain, and sometimes it is the one they are expected to have, and sometimes it isn't, and sometimes it changes over time, and sometimes it develops over time, but most people have some gender identity in some way.

I, as well as some other people, just, don't.

And I had no way of knowing that anyone else experienced this. I really thought it was just a game everyone agreed to play. You get assigned a blue pinny or a yellow pinny in gym class and that's that. It kinda sucks but that's the game. It's not like "blue pinny" is a part of your identity, it's just an arbitrary assignment. You might wish you were on the yellow pinny team, because they get a head start in the dodgeball game, but you don't identify as a yellow pinny team member. And that is exactly how I saw, and still see my own gender.

And I have to apologize for this but this resulted in, when I was young, transphobia. It wasn't the violent kind you often see today, but it was dismissive and distasteful. Obviously I'm not proud of it. But I thought "how the fuck can you identify as a gender aside from your AGAB? Nobody "identifies" as anything you just take the assignment and go so ObViOuSlY it's made up." And I was talking to my sister about this and was like "I mean if you woke up in an alternate universe where you were a man, it would be no issue at all, right? I mean aside from having to get used to different body parts and being treated differently, it would be fine" and she was like "no???? Tf??? I'd be really upset!"

And that right there rocked my fucking shit and turned my world upside down. Anyway I learned a lot since then and I support everyone and their gender identities now, obviously, as it was over a decade ago. I realized that "I guess I'm a girl because I was born that way and I don't care enough to change it, even though I literally hate being perceived as a girl I'd hate being perceived as any other gender just as much" doesn't actually make me cis (shock!!) This is also why I much prefer the term agender to nonbinary. I've been asked if I'm nonbinary when I say I'm agender, and I know some agender people identify as nonbinary (power to you!) But to me, "non-binary" feels like a gender identity that is. Well. Nonbinary lol. It's like asking an atheist "so you have a non-Abrahamic faith?" Like no they don't have any faith at all. I don't have any gender identity at all. That's how I see it anyway.

But all this to say being agender is weird. And while I'm about as allo as they come, I can relate to asexual people in a lot of ways.

It's like there are these boxes and everyone else can see them, and everyone else can exist in them comfortably, and sometimes people have to change the shape of their box but at the end of the day, it'll fit them. But I can't see the boxes, yet I've been put inside one, and everyone else can see it. I don't want to change the shape of my box, it wouldn't make a difference. I just don't want to be in this box at all. I can't see it, I keep bumping into the walls. I'm glad when the boxes make other people happy, but all I want is to get rid of it. And while it's freeing to identify as agender within myself, to start using any pronouns instead of exclusively she/her, I know that everyone else can still see the box. If they didn't see me as a woman, they'd just see me as something else, some other box, and that's not any better.

And I'm so tired.

[tothelasthoursofmylife]

8th Anniversary!

And it's still going on! I'm still writing it!!! With every passing year, I am rather glad (and surprised by myself) that I am still writing it and that I still love to write Watchdog of the Queen. At the same time, I cannot help but think/compare how much time has passed vs how much progress I've made with this story so far orz but I keep going, even if slowly, so that's something at least! And thank you so much for (still) reading this fanfic, even if updates are slow. Sorry for that!

No new update today. However, when I started writing WotQ, I was a teen with time/energy and far too many (often dumb) ideas. For many, I wrote the first chapter or the first few chapters and then shelved them, never to see the light of day - until today! If anyone's interested in some old, terrible Cloudia/Undertaker fic starters, they're under the cut. (They are posted as I left them.)

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The Princess

I am a fan of The Selection series by Kiera Cass. I reread The Heir and The Crown earlier this year and I loved them more than when I initially read them. Obviously, I had to think of a spoof of it. Cloudia having her own Selection, with Cedric (and Milton and Kamden (rip) and some others; this was an AU of WotQ, not just another Cloudia/Undertaker fanfic...) amongst the candidates. The notes file was last edited in 2016; the first chapter below in 2017. Very obviously based on The Heir. Just worse. (Why tf didn't I even change the kingdom's name??? I even made a cover edit, rip)

The kingdom of Illéa had been reigned by born kings for a long time now. No matter if there was a girl born before a boy, the boy would become crown prince upon his birth and thus obtain the privilege to someday become king.

However, sometimes times changed.

The current king, King Simon, was an only child who had married a woman who had given birth to an only child too ‒ me, Princess Cloudia. And despite their efforts, I had always stayed an only child. Therefore, I couldn’t be overruled by a younger brother, and thus it was me who was to be the ruler someday.

Me, Princess Cloudia, the first queen to hold the title on her own.

The fact that after all these years a girl would ascend the throne wasn’t very pleasant for the Royal advisers. After all, such a case had never happened before. But knowing that they couldn���t change this fact even though they badly wanted to, they did their best to convince my father, the King, that I needed intense training ‒ an even more intense training than the one he had received as a young prince. Wanting to support my talents and making it able for me to be the best I would ever be, Father had agreed. And from that day on, I was tormented by the adviser’s ridiculous lessons and teachings.

Fearing that I could fail to be queen, they let me undergo a dreadful training. However, they had never imagined that I would learn so fast and surpass my teachers in a very short time.

I was Princess Cloudia Phantomhive, the genius, the prodigy. No one was as powerful as I was.

***

I was peacefully reading in the small forest in the Palace’s garden when Lisa Greene, my maid, approached me, and for some reason I had the fear that something incredibly bad would happen today.

“Princess Cloudia,” Lisa said after she had curtsied in front of me. “Your parents, the King and the Queen, want to speak to you in private.��

***

When I entered my father’s office, I knew that something was entirely wrong. Still, I sat down at the table and remained calm.

“Cloudia, how are you? We haven’t seen you since breakfast,” King Simon asked. Unlike his daughter and wife, Simon stood beside the window.

“I am fine. Also because you would have never summoned me here just to ask me how I was doing, I guess this is just something for you to avoid the topic you actually want to speak of.” Cloudia leaned back, crossing her arms in front of her chest. “Don’t beat around the bush, Father, and tell me straightaway why I’m here.”

Simon sighed. “It is your fault, Penny, that she is such a bold girl,” he mumbled to his wife.

“Well, you could have chosen one of the other thirty-four Selected girls, Simon,” Queen Penelope replied with a soft smile on her lips.

Simon walked away from the window and positioned himself behind his wife’s chair, grabbing the backrest. “Thanks, Penny. These were exactly the right words.”

Cloudia frowned. “What are you talking about, Father?”

The King swallowed. He looked uneasy. “Well, Cloudie... as you know, the situation between us and the British Empire has sharpened lately. We are still trying to negotiate with them as best as we can, but if we do not manage to defuse the situation...” He swallowed again. “Our country’s people are feeling uneasy, suspecting that something is wrong. But we cannot allow them to know about our current situation ‒ it would just cause a huge panic all over the country. However, with our people feeling uneasy and suspicious, we cannot properly negotiate with the British Empire, and thus we cannot defuse the situation.”

“I know about our relation with the British Empire,” Cloudia said. “And I know about our people being uneasy, but why did you summoned me here? Just to tell me something I have already known?”

Penelope and Simon exchanged a look.

“Well, Cloudia...” Simon started again, his voice a little bit shaky. “You know how your mother and I met, and you know that holding a Selection for the future sovereign to find their consort is a tradition in this country...”

Cloudia’s eyes widened in the moment she understood why she was here.

No.

“No,” she said aloud. “No, no, no! I am not going to have a Selection! And definitely not because we have to distract our people somehow so that we can calmly negotiate with the British Empire!”

“Cloudie, dear, just listen...”

“No!” Cloudia raised up from her chair. “You cannot do that to me!”

“Sooner or later you would have to hold a Selection anyway,” Penelope stated. “Just because you are going to be the first Royal-born queen of this country does not mean that you can skip this country’s traditions.”

Cloudia clenched her fists. “I know that, Mother. But I am not ready to marry now. I am just sixteen. I cannot do that now.”

“But you do not have to marry straightaway after the end of the Selection, Cloudia. We would wait until you’re older.”

“But I also don’t want to settle on some stranger now! And what if... what if I just don’t find anyone suitable among these boys? Do I have to bound myself to someone I despise to all eternity?”

“There will be thirty-five boys, Cloudia. The Selection has worked so many times now ‒ why shouldn’t it work on you?”

Cloudia crossed her arms in front of her chest again. “Just because you two are basically a fairy tale doesn’t mean that I will find myself in one too.”

“And what about the kings and queens before us? They all fell in love during a Selection.”

“And what if they actually didn’t? What if they had to marry someone just because they were obliged to pick anyone at the end of the Selection, even though they didn’t like any of them? What if all we know about the previous Selections is a lie?”

“Now you are being ridiculous,” Penelope pointed out.

“I am not being ridiculous. I am being rational.”

The Queen leaned forward, narrowing her eyes. “Cloudia. We had planned to hold your Selection after you turned eighteen, but think about our situation... If we don’t distract our people and they find out about our unfortunate situation, we wouldn’t have to deal with problems outside of our borders, but also inside them. It wouldn’t benefit our negotiations.” Her gaze softened. “Please, Cloudie, we wouldn’t hold your Selection so early if we had the option to avoid it. During a Selection, the mood of our country’s people was always at its best ‒ like when you were born or your father and I were married. And we need something now which can lift their mood, Cloudie. There just isn’t something more effective than a Selection.”

Cloudia sighed.

Being a princess, especially one who was also the heir, was sometimes quite annoying.

“Very well... but I will only do it under two conditions: One, I want the Selected to be able to leave on their own accord. Two, if I simply cannot find anyone suitable during my Selection, I want to have the freedom to end it without me becoming engaged to someone.”

Penelope chuckled. “No, we cannot allow your second condition. You would eliminate all of the boys on the very first day if we did.”

“And what if I promise to let the Selection run for at least three to four months?”

Penelope exchanged a look with Simon who had started to look awfully uneasy and had not said anything for a while now. “Very well,” he silently said in the end. “We will do it like you have suggested it. We will announce your Selection during the next Report.”

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The Amazing Grim Reaper

... A uhm, recap series for between the arcs, with fourth-wall-breaking commentary from Cedric and Cloudia. I wrote three chapters for that and started the fourth and fifth. I thought of "alternate chapter titles" and even made edits of the chapter covers. The recaps were meant to be drawn, I think, and that's what (thankfully!!) doomed them. They were all last edited in 2016, and below is the first chapter. Yikes.

Cloudia: I did not seduce anyone!

Cedric: *laughs* Of course you did, Countess! Shall I remind you what you said to our all-time favourite Lord Parrish? *imitating Cloudia´s voice* “You´re not that bad yourself, Lord. Your footwork is exquisite.”

Cloudia: *scowls at him* I guess that you need better glasses as you have obviously over-read this: “I wasn´t lying ‒ I found his footwork was as exquisite as the appetizers given out at this party.”

Cedric: I don´t understand how this should help you. After all, this sentence only strengthens the fact that you fell head over heels in love with Parrish and tried to seduce him. You are comparing him to food after all! Exquisite food!

Cloudia: I was not done! “I wasn´t lying ‒ I found his footwork was as exquisite as the appetizers given out at this party. Fairly, the man who dared to call himself a cook and prepared these abnormalities should be hanged immediately. I had to speak with the host, Baron Charles Worthington, about this when everything was over.” That´s the whole passage! I compared Parrish´s footwork to terrible food! How can that be evidence that I was in love with him?

Cedric: You´re a strange person, Countess. Perhaps this was the nicest comparison someone like you could think of. Also, Parrish could be a masochist or something in that direction and thus actually like being compared to terrible food.

Cloudia: Why am I even talking to you?

Cedric: *ignores her* Besides, I have more evidence that you were seducing him, Countess! Listen: “However, I have to admit that I haven´t danced for quite a while now, and I´m totally exhausted and heated up due to this instance. May you accompany me outside to get some fresh air?” Am I right in my assumption that you have said these exact words in January 1847, Countess Cloudia Phantomhive?

Cloudia: What exactly is so seducing about these words?

Cedric: Answer my question, defendant!

Cloudia: First, I am not a defendant. Second, now answer mine or you will never get any of Armstrong´s sweets again.

Cedric: That´s just cruel. Also, it´s seducing because you were saying that that you were “heated up” and wanted to go outside with Parrish. Alone.

Cloudia: Have passage like “We walked down the street, and I listened to his boring chatter. He was speaking of his company all the time. But I had to play my role, so I stayed polite, smiled and laughed at the right times, even though I was scowling inside.” or “She met his eyes, while her face showed clear disgust.” become totally irrelevant now?

Cedric: Yes.

Cloudia: ... You´re not supposed to answer it.

Cedric: But I did because “yes” is the one and only correct answer to this question. Besides, you´re forgetting this: “Lord Ronan Parrish was the reason why I had come to this boring, dull party all the way from my comfortable, quiet and orderly mansion in the countryside.” I guess this case is closed now.

Cloudia: ... Parrish was the reason why I went there because I was ordered by the Queen to exterminate him!

Cedric: You mean she ordered you “to find and marry him”? You know how much of a shipper the Queen is. After all, she sent us both to Wales once. Also, I said that this case is closed, Countess. I, Judge Cedric Kristopher Rossdale, name defendant Countess Cloudia Phantomhive to be-

Cloudia: Objection! I stabbed Parrish! I murdered him! If I had been in love with him, why would I have stabbed him?

Cedric: Because you were so disgusted with the thought that someone was able to touch the softest part of your little dark heart that you killed him.

Cloudia: I can see why the other Reapers don´t like you.

Cedric: Once again: I, Judge Cedric Kristopher Rossdale, name defendant Countess Cloudia Phantomhive to be... guilty!

Cloudia: *sigh* Also, I don´t think that you can call Ronan Parrish a “poor man.” He maltreated children and let them die in his factories like they´re nothing.

Cedric: I know but what if even though he hated children, he loved animals and was one of the main donators for a little zoo which has to close now?

Cloudia: I don´t even know if you´re serious or not.

Cedric: He could have been a very nice person apart from this thing. But we will never know because you have erased him from earth!

Cloudia: *rolls her eyes* You´re being ridiculous, Undertaker.

Cedric: I am not! You´re just being insensitive! Ronan Parrish could have been the nicest guy on the entire planet ‒ who just happened to like mistreating children.

Cloudia: You really want to die, don´t you?

Cedric: I mean ‒ what if he had been framed? What if he knew nothing of these kids?

Cloudia: I checked all the evidence to make sure that it was really Parrish who was behind everything ‒ and he was. Now, leave me alone. *turns to the audience* I will break this off before Undertaker can continue behaving like a moron. *Cedric yells something in the back* I apologise for his behaviour. Apparently, his mother dropped him as a baby and thus his brain is a bit damaged. Let´s just hope that the (irresponsible) writer does not let him take over the story again.

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Ciel timeline chapters

This side fic (!) to WotQ had an actual title, but I'm holding on to it for now because maybe, maybe, really very maybe, I will revive this project. Not as extensively as I had planned initially, just something small and short (and this time, I would mean it!!). But that would only be for the far future. Until then, here's the first chapter from 2017. (I only wrote that, a bit of the 2nd, and a few snippets...)

Chapter One: The Gallery of the Dead

“There, Phantoms were trapped in drawings.”

INTO THE ABYSS ARC

Countryside, England, United Kingdom ‒ October 1889

It was awfully silent when Sieglinde Sullivan woke up. The darkness of the sky, when she glimpsed out of the window by her bed, told her that it was still night and day was not about to come in the next couple of hours.

Sighing, Sieglinde let herself fall back into her bed and hugged her blanket. She closed her eyes, but when sleep would not come, she turned and turned around in her bed, trying to find a position comfortable enough that she would fall asleep again, and ultimately kicking her blanket down. Accepting that she was unable to go back to sleep right now, Sieglinde grabbed her crutches and left her bedroom to take a walk in the spacious Phantomhive Manor.

During the day, the manor was filled with all kinds of noise: explosions coming from the kitchen, screaming, Ciel´s annoyed sighs, the sound of porcelain breaking, crying, Tanaka’s “Ho ho,” the sound of people hysterically running back and forth. During the day, Phantomhive Manor gleamed with life, but right now, the manor seemed to have died. The clattering of Sieglinde’s crutches pierced through this eerie silence.

It was hard to explore Phantomhive Manor during the day as someone would always bother you with something or as something would always come up which would distract you from your actual plans. But now, Sieglinde was able to enter rooms she had never seen before, and walk through corridors she had not known before. And, eventually, she entered one of the oddest rooms of all Phantomhive Manor.

The Gallery was located in the back area of the manor, an area nobody usually entered. But despite no light except the moonlight illuminating the room, Sieglinde was already captivated by the Gallery’s beauty: Chandeliers, more beautiful, more delicate and elegant than the chandeliers in the other rooms, hung from the ceiling. The ground was pitch black but the places which were touched by the light glittered, indicating that there was more to the blackness than initially thought. The faint white patterns on the pale golden walls shimmered silvery in the moonlight – and so did the hair of the boy standing all alone in this room.

Ciel Phantomhive seemed like a ghost in the way he stood unmoving in front of one of the many drawings – surreal and out of place –, and Sieglinde almost believed that she had simply imagined his presence, but when she closed and opened her eyes again, Ciel was still there.

Slowly, Sieglinde moved towards him, the sound of her crutches tearing at her ears. And while she walked, she glimpsed at some of the drawings – all of them bearing the sad, serious faces of people long dead and long forgotten.

When she reached Ciel´s side, she waited for him to move, to turn his face to her and say something, but when Ciel kept staring at the drawing in front of him like he was under a spell, Sieglinde positioned herself right next to him and did so as well.

The drawing showed three people: two men, and one woman. The woman was sitting on a chair which looked so regal that it could almost be called a throne, and the two men stood behind her – one left, one right. Even with this poor light quality, Sieglinde could clearly see the woman’s beauty. Her dark hair, her porcelain skin, her glowing eyes. The woman in the picture shone with confidence and strength, and the smile on her face reminded Sieglinde of one of Ciel’s vicious smiles. She was the centre of the picture, stole all attention from the two men in the background like a queen.

“Who is she?” Sieglinde whispered, not daring to speak louder.

“My grandmother – Cloudia Phantomhive,” Ciel answered after a long pause, and turned away from the drawing. “And now, let us get out of here.”

------------------------------------------------------------

Unrelated to WotQ but Cloudia/Undertaker stories:

Itamae Phantomhive

I was procrastinating from writing a chapter for WotQ (I cannot remember which one it was; I'm sure I was procrastinating from uni stuff too) by thinking of something idiotic (modern sushi shop AU: The Phantomhives run a sushi shop as a "front" to gather information. Their clientele are mainly criminals and shady people, and they don't know they're the Watchdog family. Only Cloudia can't cook for shit, so she just hires Tanaka when he comes to kill her). I wrote two chapters and a bit of the third and then I forced myself to pull the brakes and post the story on AO3. It stayed up for about 24h hours, got no or maybe one hit, and then I deleted it. From 2018.

Chapter One: Itadakimasu

After her father's death, Cloudia Phantomhive inherited the Watchdog duty—and the Phantomhive family's sushi restaurant. Unfortunately, she was only ever trained in the art of killing, not in the art of sushi.

Struggling to run the restaurant, not to accidentally poison her criminal clientele, and be accepted into the (criminal) culinary world, Cloudia finds fortune in the oddest of ways: through an assassination attempt.

The funeral parlour was dark and dusty when Cloudia Phantomhive stepped inside, and she already regretted choosing it just because it was so close to work. She closed the door behind her and turned on the lights – and a few weak lights looking like candles came to life, exposing rows of coffins, numerous skulls, loose bones lying around.

Well done, Cloudia, you have chosen the funeral parlour of a weirdo.

“Is anyone there?” Cloudia said but nobody replied and appeared. Instead, she heard laughter seemingly coming from everywhere, seemingly coming from one of the coffins.

Cloudia took a deep breath, cursing herself for not checking this place first and potentially endangering herself, before she pricked up her ears and knocked against the coffins to find out from which one the laughter was coming from. And when she finally found the right coffin, Cloudia tore it open and found the strangest looking man she had ever seen inside it. He had long grey hair which fell into his eyes, and he wore old-fashioned black clothes, which were too large for him, and a compatible hat.

“You found me!” he said and giggled, stepping out of the coffin and wandering around the room before sitting down on a large desk made of dark wood.

“You have to be the new Countess of Phantomhive,” said the man. “I have already awaited you.”

“Of course,” Cloudia replied. “We had an appointment after all.”

He grinned. “Please take a seat, Countess Phantomhive.”

She frowned. “And where?”

He gesticulated towards the coffins on the ground. “As you have checked them, you should know that they are empty. For now, at least.”

Cloudia sat down, and the man held an opened casket, from which bone-shaped biscuits reached out, out to her. “Do you want some, Countess Phantomhive?”

“No, thanks. And ‘Miss Phantomhive’ or even just ‘Cloudia’ is fine. You don’t have to be so awfully formal. After all, nobody really cares about old noble titles nowadays anyway – don’t you think so, Mr…?”

“Undertaker,” the man said.

“You’re an undertaker and your name is… Undertaker?”

Undertaker smiled. “Indeed.”

“I didn’t get a lot of sleep in the last week, so, please excuse me if I put this too bluntly, but are you shitting on me right now?”

“Of course, not, Countess Phantomhive,” he replied with no sarcasm in his voice. Cloudia wasn’t quite sure how she should feel about it.

Cloudia rubbed her eyes. “Very well, Mr Undertaker…”

“Just ‘Undertaker’ is enough.”

Then just ‘Cloudia’ should be as well. She sighed. “Very well, Undertaker. How are the preparations for my father’s funeral going?” she asked, clutching her hands together in her lap.

“Splendidly,” Undertaker answered, taking a bite off one of his biscuits. “As soon the late Earl is returned by the police, the funeral will be held.”

She took a deep breath. “No complications?”

“No.”

“No further questions?”

“No.”

Cloudia took another deep breath before taking her bag and standing up. “Then – it was nice to finally meet you, Undertaker.”

He put away the casket and tilted his head. “You came here just to ask a few questions you could have asked on the phone as well?”

I just had to go outside. “I just wanted to be here if you needed my help with anything,” Cloudia answered, smiling. “And now, I have to go again. Goodbye, Undertaker.”

***

London, just like every big city she guessed, was a noisy place. And even though it wasn’t her first time in London, Cloudia flinched when she stepped out of the funeral parlour and was met with all that noise. There were so many people, so many things to see – so much life, so much movement –, and Cloudia wondered when, if at all, she would get accustomed it. London was so much different than the little town by Phantomhive Manor where she grew up after all.

Cloudia put on her earphones to shut herself off the world a bit and kept on walking. Her mother, the last Countess of Phantomhive, had died when she had been very young, and instead of letting his daughter live with him at the family’s London townhouse, Cloudia’s father had decided that she was to continue living at Phantomhive Manor with only a few servants to look after her. It wasn’t because her father didn’t love her – it was because he had wanted to keep her away as much as possible from the world he frequented. He had wanted to protect her even if it meant that they could only see each other a couple of times a year. This had been the sacrifice he had made; this had been the sacrifice he had accepted.

And now, he was dead.

When Cloudia arrived, she took off the earphones, threw them into her bag, and counted from ten downwards before she unlocked the restaurant’s door.

The Phantomhives were a special family.

Cloudia didn’t know when it had started but for what seemed like forever, the Phantomhives served the British Crown as Watchdogs. They governed the Underworld – and just like everything neither the Underworld nor the methods to oversee stayed the same.

Cloudia still wondered why the old methods had evolved into this: A sushi restaurant frequented by criminals and run by the very person who would bring them down. A sushi restaurant whose basement was a technological Eldorado.

The restaurant was located in a place known for its criminal activity, and the whole reasoning behind this façade was that nobody ever suspected the quiet cook or the waiter wandering around like a ghost as long as nobody was poisoned. But even then, suspicion didn’t often fall on the waiter or the cook but on the person facing you. After all, it was easier albeit riskier to put the poison into the tea yourself instead of bribing the waiter or exchanging the cook, especially if it was a place whose employees were well-known to the Underworld and the Underworld was well-known to the employees too. And the “Funtom Tetra” was such a place. The criminals frequenting London, or even Great Britain as a whole, knew that the Phantomhives were running this place, knew who was working here. They also knew that the Phantomhives would never do anything to lose their clientele by doing something as foolish as taking a side and engaging in any underground wars or selling information. And they were right, but only partially – the Phantomhives didn’t take the side of a criminal but of the Crown; they didn’t engage in underground wars, they brought them to an end; they didn’t sell information, they only used it to cleverly take them down before presenting the truth to the Queen.

But why, of all things, a sushi restaurant? Cloudia had once asked her father that question, and the only answer he had been able to give had been a shrug.

With a sigh, Cloudia turned on the lights and locked the door behind her, leaning against it and letting her gaze wander through the restaurant. She had loved her father – she still did. She understood why he had let her grow up safe and sound at the manor. But now, he was dead, and the family duty was left to her.

And she had no idea how to run a sushi restaurant.

Ah, isn’t that every girl’s dream?

----------------------------------------------------------------

Monsters of London

Another book series I like is Monsters of Verity. There are monsters in that book called Sunai that "collect" (or, rather, consume) souls after playing a melody, so I decided to replace the Grim Reapers' gardening tools with musical instruments too. I also thought of more monsters and decided to make Cloudia unable to walk, based on the meaning of her name: "lame, crippled." I actually still like this idea and think the prologue isn't that awfully written as the things above, but the fic is binned because I simply have no time. From 2018.

Prologue: Elegy

Countryside, England, United Kingdom – June 1838

Even after all those years, he was amazed how naturally the melody came to him when he hoisted the violin to his shoulder and touched the strings with the bow. He closed his eyes and let himself be fully absorbed by the song, swiftly moving the bow and adjusting his fingers on the strings. When he played, he felt completely calm and at ease. When he played, he felt complete. And every time, the song came to its end, he had to force himself not to start again, but to take down the bow, withdraw the violin from his shoulder, and open his eyes again to see what he had done.

Cedric Rosene had never been a man, had only ever been a monster wearing the face of one. When he played his melody, he could pretend to be what he only seemed to be, but when he opened his eyes, he was always confronted with what he was: A monster which lured souls out of bodies to collect them, to safely store them away before they were ready to go on.

His kind was called Sunai, but over the centuries, they had become better known as Grim Reapers in tales and legends.

Cedric knelt down next to the corpse whose soul had surfaced while he had played his song. Gently, he tapped his bow to the shining soul to collect it and start the Cinematic Record – a voiced-over record of the corpse’s life. When Cedric had collected a soul for the first time, his hands had shaken when he had taken up his violin and started his song. Of course, the melody had taken away his tension and the feeling of nausea, but they had returned the instance he had moved to hold the bow against the dead body. And afterwards, he had been plagued by what he did and what he saw of the person’s record. Back then, Cedric had been haunted at day and at night. Now, his bad thoughts were only woven into his dreams.

After he had finished, Cedric left the room and searched for more corpses to find, for more souls to claim. In the distance, he could hear the melodies of his fellow Reapers who had come with him to this place; even though they were far away, Cedric could still make out every note.

From what he had found out of the Cinematic Records, the lady of the household had fallen ill in the middle of April and had only managed to fight herself back to healthiness a few weeks ago. The sudden and drastic decrease in the mistress’ health had caused great panic and worry for her family and the other household members. Everyone had focused to nurse her out of this horrible state; nobody had even wasted a single thought on the Season which had begun shortly before she had become sick. However, after she had triumphed over the disease and returned to her former self, preparations had been started to move to London for the Season.

The preparations had included to send some servants ahead to their townhouse so that they could ready it for their master’s family. And then, someone had taken the current state of the manor – understaffed, hectic – to their advantage to sneak into it and silently murder everyone inside.

How sad, Cedric had thought after the first Cinematic Record had finished before his eyes. Such tragedy after such happiness.

He found his path through the manor, following the faint hum of souls resting beneath not-beating hearts and collecting each of them. Eventually, Cedric arrived in what seemed to be a salon. It must have been a stunning room, once upon a time, but now, part of the carpet and walls were stained with blood; now, part of the furniture laid knocked-over, sometimes even partially broken, on the ground. Glancing down at the maid’s and butler’s unmoving bodies, Cedric hoisted his violin back to his shoulders and began to play. He took the servants’ souls, but right before he left, he blinked at the wheelchair, sitting lonely but upright in the middle of the room. From what he had found out of the records, the daughter had been born with legs which would never carry her. The wheelchair was hers. When the first had noticed what was going on in the mansion, the butler and the maid had hurried to the salon to find the young lady, but they had only found the wheelchair. They hadn’t been able to search further for her.

Cedric tore his gaze away from the chair and scanned the room. A Sunai’s song made a person’s soul surface and glow, and this effect wasn’t limited to those dead or dying. He stilled when he saw a silver glow shining through the thin gap between the cupboard’s doors. The soul of a dying or dead person was always black, but the souls of the living could have every possible colour.

For a moment, Cedric played with the thought to open the cupboard and lift the girl out and back into the wheelchair. And, perhaps, he would have even done it – helping the girl, revealing himself to her against the rules – if one of his companions hadn’t called for him.

With one last glance at the cupboard, Cedric turned around and left the salon – following the notes hanging in the air to the others.

[sleepy-achilles]

Don't mind me reworking the fod and their main friendship groups

Taker-

The BSK, obviously stays the same.

Goldust and Mankind, they both live in the valley. Goldust is always a rock for taker.

Kevin nash. Shocking for everyone but they both care about Shawn and the kids and its brought them close.

Hunter Eventually. Which shocks everyone more.

OCs-

Jackson Gomez (Matthews dad) Highschool friends who still talk. Taker expresses his disappointment in Jack for being so neglectful towards his son and helps him work on that, Mitch Daniels (Brad's father) highschool friends. It pains taker that their kids do not get along because he actually liked mitch. Obviously their kids beef causes some rifts between them, Rose Falcon a friend he made after he took over the valley. She helps him run things and looks after things when he's gone.

Shawn

The kliq, duh.

Dx, duh, duh.

Goldust is like his fairy godmother.

Stephanie mcmahon, they both have a lot of similar interests and issues. They also have the most powerful slap in wwe history.

He's quite close with Bautista and Orton.

Roddy piper is like a father figure to him.

He was also close with Owen Hart. They were both brats who loved pissing Bret off, of course they got along.

Also the BSK kinda force adopted him when taker came out.

OCs-

Cait Cena. John's mother. No not friends anymore infact it's a incredibly toxic situation even now. Justin Chasez (ikr a new character, oooo) Hes the only connect Shawn has left to San Antonio. They grew up together and Justin was the only one to support him when everything went south. The kids and taker know him very well.

John

Randy, obviously.

Sheamus

Rey mysterio

He used to be friends with the rock and jericho before they took it too far.

He bascially tries to befriend everyone but those three are his main friends.

OCs-

Ryder Black and Ocean Black when John finally went to highschool these siblings were the first to befriend him and are still his friends. They are twins but Ryders male, Oceans female. They always come to support him. Ameila Cornelia. His first girlfriend. This was his longest relationship but they broke it off when it came clear John needed to focus on wrestling and she wanted to focus on her career. They are still good friends and both got invited to each others weddings. Cleo Jane. A friend he made when he started in the indies. She's a makeup artist and costume designer. He ended up bringing her to wwe with him and she still works there too this day. Jasper Owens. They started off as highschool rivals and by the time graduation came, they are mates. They aren't as close but whenever they can they catch up and joke about the old days.

Leon

He has none, moving on.

Kidding....or am I?

Sheamus (despite how much he protests it)

Randy (despite how much randy protests it)

Drew (kinda stuck)

Finn balor and Alexa bliss (his adopted siblings)

Roman reigns (kinda? They grew up together, hate each other and yet are quick to protect each other. Aka the recipe for enemies to lovers but drew cock blocked it.)

Solo (the only bloodline member he'll admit to liking)

Jimmy and jey. (Claims to hate them both. Got caught eating dinner with them and hasn't lived it down. They, and roman, bullied lil Lee.)

Kevin nash. (Technically his uncle but Leon sees him as a friend)

Why tf has Leon got so many friends? We ain't even on the OCs yet...

OCs-

Matthew Gomez (God I love him) Leon's best friend since day one. Still his right hand man. Love of my life. Valentina Addams (born to humble Leon, I love her most) joined Matthew and Leon's friendship group at 5 when she first moved to the valley. Achilles Addams (used to be vals younger brother and is now her twin) he kinda drifted into their friendship group and never really left. He's not a full time member as he made other friends but their close. Neo Moon Hwang befriended Leon in highschool. Tate Everest also befriended Leon in highschool.

Fun fact, Leon, Matt, Tate, Achilles and Neo were actually in a band together.

Anyway. There's also Ryan Smith and Brad Daniels. Brad is Leon's number 1 enemy...well other than roman. And Ryan was just a sports related friend. They still talk but it's casual.

Cassidy

My golden girl

Rhea

Alexa bliss

Liv Morgan and Cody Rhodes (adopted siblings. She quite literally grew up around Cody)

Naomi

Adam Cole (yes his leaving broke her lil heart, along with Cody...yes some parallel to shawn and Kevin and Scott leaving.)

Drew (drew is never escaping her no matter how hard he tries)

She has a lil enemy in Charlotte flair. (Big)

MJF (nope. Not explaining)

OCs-

Connor Jones. Connor was her first boyfriend and best friend. Ashe Coleman (female) is her friend since birth. Jesse Cole (male) is a friend since middle school. Noel Barnes (female) is also a friend since middle school. All are still best friends and are still called the nerd group by Leon. Even at their ripe old age.

A boy named Cole had a crush on cassie and basically bullied her which led to problems between both kids older brothers.

[aidyaiden]

hi wanna hear about me complaining about french school being racist, sexist and fatphobic? yeah okay so.

first, for some kind of context, this year my school's rules or whatever have been changed to add some shit like "an appropriate outfit is required. we musn't see the lower abdomen and lowed back" and that alone is annoying but moving on

theres this girl in my class, and she's a fat, black girl. so. there's definitely a part of that in this. and, yesterday, she went to school with a tank top, a full one (we didn't see her tummy) and we just saw the the the top of her chest because. it's a tank top yk?? it looked like that basically

except she's fat and black so two more reasons for people to critisize her.

so. we had math class, and our teacher (a skinny, white woman, may i add) almost immediately pointed out her top, basically saying it was innapropriate (she didn't say it like that, she just said shit like "we already talked about your outfits blah blah" because the girl already wore crop tops, but here it wasnt even cropped or anything) so, we stay here, she starts her class bla bla

and, another girl in my class took the school rules or whatev (also i should add the teacher said "we can check the rules if you want" or something) and she said "ma'am. it says "lower adomen and lowed back". it doesn't talk about the chest" because it doesn't fucking talk about the chest!!!

and the teacher goes "oh, come on girls!!! blah blah blah" and then the second girl (not the one with the tank top) said "but you're saying that just because she has big breasts" and, of course, the teacher goes "oh no. no no no. that's absolutely. not. that!" and the girl with the tank top said something like "yes it is, if it was [second girl's name] (who doesn’t have big boobs) you wouldn't have said anything" which is true ngl

and at some point, the teacher says "but you're disprespecting yourself!" ...sis. she's dressing like that because she likes it and is comfortable with it. could you not sexualize her??? AND she goes "do you see boys dressing up like that to attract?" LIKE SHE REALLY SAID TO ATTRACT. WTF??

and obviously the two girls get mad (i wish i wasnt socially anxious and i could just. yell at her probably) and say things like "tf it's not to attract" because indeed, it's not

and anyway it stopped here, the teacher asked the girl to keep her jacket and close it

oh also, on the moment, i was saying kind of to myself "she's getting mad at her for. having a body." and the guy that sits beside was just like "urghh 😒🙄" at me. bro. you're a white skinny cishet guy. you cant understand how she feels. shut the fuck up.

BUT TURNS OUT TODAY!!! we had this teacher again, and she talked about bullying and all, and she said "critisizing people's body is the worst. because you were born with it and you had no choice but to live with it" or something. yeah. respect other people's bodies unless they're black, a woman and are fat yeaaah

on the moment i was really like. are you fucking kidding me.

but anyway people piss me off, they're so fucking stupid

[homebody-nobody]

Please oh please do get started on your Maybank Family Meta!!

OKAY LISTEN

I will write meta for frickin EVER, alright, so remember that this is probably not everything and if someone asks 'hey what do you think about [x] I'll probably write you an essay.'

So hwfg

Some base facts we have about the Maybank Family: 1) Luke served in the military 2) Luke is an addict 3) JJ's mom left 4) Luke is physically (and verbally) abusive

Some Things I Like To Believe about the Maybank Family 1) JJ's mom is named Georgia (blame bella for that one) 2) Luke and Georgia probably got married young (military family) 3) JJ probably had siblings (what are the odds that a military family has one (1) kid???) 4) Georgia OBVIOUSLY left bc of Luke's abuse, but what mom leaves that situation without her kids, unless she thinks the abuse will not turn on them?

So I present to you, my 100% freeballing, cocked-up Maybank Family History.

Luke went into the military straight out of high school. Don't ask me about evidence, I'm going off of pure vibes here. Georgia was either a high school sweetheart, or an early-enlistment romance. Now listen, I had a lot of friends that went straight into the military after hs, and I think just about every single one of them are married. Now for more PURE speculation -- JJ had two older siblings. Military families often pop out AT LEAST two kids, if not more, and if Luke was still enlisted in the early childhood of those children, his abusive tendencies wouldn't have been expressed yet.

We know that Luke is on cocaine, is an alcoholic, and also is prescribed sleep medication. All of this can be attributed to his experience as a veteran. Veterans often come back riddled with PTSD and are one of the most at-risk demographics when it comes to addiction and domestic violence. (which is fucked up on another level, but we're talking about OBX right now.)

The severity of JJ's abandonment issues coupled with the fact that his mom left him behind lead me to the siblings theory. In my head, Luke and Georgia had a son first. (I think I named him Jonah.) Then, they had a girl (Georgia Jr./Gigi), then JJ. Likely, Jonah was born, then Gigi between two tours, then JJ right before/after Luke got home. I'm also speculating at LEAST ten year difference between Jonah and JJ. JJ is the youngest when his dad starts abusing his mom. Jonah likely gets tf out as soon as he can -- mid-to-late teens, and probably joins the military too, as young men with the least amount of options tend to do. I don't think Luke ever hits Jonah.

Now, when Georgia leaves, she likely takes her daughter WITH her, in fears that Luke will turn his wrath on the little girl. She probably leaves JJ assuming that because Luke never hit Jonah and JJ is his son, not a girl/woman, he won't be on the receiving end of Luke's rage. I'm also assuming Georgia likely had a lot of mental health issues resulting from Luke's abuse, and may have been an addict herself, which contributed to this decision.

Of course, JJ ends up his dad's target, anyway, and with literally THE MOST severe abandonment trauma from not ONLY his mom leaving, but losing his two siblings, as well. I assume that JJ was pretty young when Georgia left (think 5 or younger) and likely has few memories of his siblings and his mother, and what he DOES have would CERTAINLY be colored by Luke using his mother against him. Whether JJ puts his mom on a pedestal or resents her is up to the reader, but I think it's gotta be a combination of both.

There are also theories that Luke actually, at some point in a blind rage, in fact killed Georgia, and reinforces the abandonment narrative in order to assuage his own guilt, but based on the scene we get in the end of season one where Luke is telling JJ that he loves him and that he (believes that) is doing his best, I don't think that's in line with Luke's character.

so yeah. I mostly developed this backstory with hopes of writing about JJ's Lesbian Older Sister George and exploring what could happen if JJ had older siblings that reconnect with him later in life, but I recognize it's like, 99.999% speculation, and I mostly came up with it for my own fic-writing purposes.

Thanks for reading!!

[i-write-hurt-not-comfort]

Now this may sound crazy but hear me out. Laito x Kou x Subaru

tw // incest, dark themes, non-con. this post is dark asf. if you don't like that kind of stuff, scroll tf on.

tagging this as incest n shit because i'm not going into this lightly. we all know i love problematic ships. this isn't crazy, this is GENIUS. this has SO MUCH awful toxic potential.

the first thing which makes these 3 an AWFUL combination is the fact that these guys are the 3 characters in DL who i think have BPD. they're all different sub-types. i wrote a post here about why i think subaru has BPD (borderline personality disorder) again i want to make it clear that having BPD does not make somebody inherently abusive. i have BPD too, been diagnosed for 2 years, in therapy for 2 and half years, and medicated heavily for the past year. so again, i know what i'm talking about. if you want to read more about BPD, check out that post first.

and like i said before, people with undiagnosed/untreated BPD can do some really shitty things. it's a trauma response and an explanation for some behaviours, but it's not an excuse.

there's four sub-types of BPD (i'm petulant) and these are what i think subaru, kou and laito have:

Subaru - self-destructive (intense feelings of self-loathing and bitterness, turn to self-destructive behaviours)

Kou - impulsive (difficulty with impulse control, high risk of suicide attempts - kou is the character with the biggest history of suicide attempts)

Laito - petulant (strong need to manipulate or control others, experience dissatisfaction and possessiveness in relationships)

it doesn't take a professional to look through that combination and think, God, without any kind of help or intervention, that'd be FUCKED.

obviously laito isn't a stranger to incest and since subaru was also born out of incest, i feel like there'd be a sense of self-fulfilling prophecy combined with a desire to be loved. if being in a toxic relationship makes him feel like shit then he'd probably take this as being deserved.

i think this twisted fucked up polyam relationship would probably start with subaru and kou being together. i really wouldn't put it past kou to cheat on subaru with laito, especially if laito set his sights on kou and decided he wanted him.

once subaru finds out about kou cheating, i think kou could probably manipulate him into staying, but then somehow laito comes in. at first, i'd say subaru and laito would compete for kou.

since laito has this very strong belief that if you're happy in love, you haven't been hurt enough, i can imagine him going in to hurt subaru, simply out of jealousy that subaru wasn't hurt the way he was by cordelia. i'd say that's where the incest comes in.

i would not be surprised at all if the first instances of sex between laito and subaru was non-consensual. when kou found out he'd definitely be mad but laito is very good at manipulation and i can imagine him coaxing kou into thinking the 3 of them should all be in a relationship.

from that point, i think it'd be a clusterfuck of manipulation, possessiveness and jealousy. if two of them hook up, the other is mad and jealous. this fic has a chapter where laito gets subaru off then kou comes along like "you're mind back off laito". furthermore, kou has a history of suicide attempts both as a kid and in canon (dark fate, dark 10/epilogue) and i DEFINITELY think he'd use that against them.

laito is the most controlling and would definitely love-bomb then pull away. subaru would probably be the one in the most awkward position but he's bold when he needs to be and i can imagine him doing self-destructive shit when the fear of abandonment kicks in.

with that said...

all three of them CAN be incredibly loyal and loving. when they're not in fights or jealous battles competing for each other's attention, i think they'd have fun doing things together. i can 10000% see them getting drunk or doing drugs together. god, don't let me go off on a tangent and talk about them being drug addicts too. not to mention, when they're in a loving mood, i think the threesomes would be WILD, in a good way.

so, yeah, i think this a good ship IF you like problematic stuff.