#OR EXPANDED HOW STRONG SHE IS AND COMPLEX
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tritoch · 11 months ago
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Have you got any thoughts to share about Sphene? I saw your post about how misrepresented FFXIV’s female characters are, and I’ve been hoping to see anything more than the typical “Evil AI colonizer etc.” or “Tragic woman who can never change ever” or “Wuk Lamat’s girlfriend”. Maybe our interpretations will differ but I’ll be happy if you can provide anything more complex than those.
Sure! Throwing all this under a read-more for anyone who hasn't finished 7.0 yet. I think I'll probably expand on this more later but wanted to get initial thoughts down. (Note after writing: I meant this to be brief but uhhhh brevity is not my strong suit sorry. This take just sort of ends abruptly because I realize I'm rambling.) Again, spoilers through the end of 7.0 MSQ.
I think Sphene is the sharpest work the game has done yet in casting the antagonist as the noble double of the protagonist (a well it returns to a lot with Emet, and Zenos, and Golbez, and...). But because the protagonist here is Wuk Lamat and not the Warrior of Light, that's also a much more defined and interesting role. To me, Wuk Lamat is, above all, the Righteous Queen, who rules thoughtfully, wisely, and justly, and whose claim to the throne is justified by her moral clarity. Sphene, in turn, is also a wise and good queen, one who undertakes all her actions with her people first in her hearts, a sense of compassion towards all, and a clear eye for the consequences and costs of her intended course of action. And it leads to utter disaster, for her, her people, and the people of Tural. That rocks!
The first half of 7.0 is about justifying the fact that Wuk Lamat's going to be Dawnservant. Wuk Lamat is compassionate, curious, wise, and open-minded. She wins over rebels and malcontents not by asserting her authority or by strength of force, but by taking her obligations to them (as her subjects) seriously. She knows many of her subjects personally and takes a great interest in their lives, and she respects even those who openly oppose her.
And everything Wuk Lamat does, Sphene does to 11. Wuk Lamat respects her subject peoples and is curious about their cultures? Sphene forcibly annexes Yyasulani, but goes out of her way and expends Alexandria's limited resources to enable the remaining Xak Turali to live in their accustomed way if desired (…to the extent allowed by the new permanent lightning storms and the internal conflicts caused by regulator adoption). Wuk Lamat cares about her people not just in the abstract but as individuals? Sphene visits sick kids, knows them by name! Wuk Lamat understands the burden of rulership is too great and cedes half her power to her brother? Sphene recognizes her own weaknesses and makes a deal with the devil to keep Alexandria's culture alive! Wuk Lamat is willing to die for her people? Sphene will forcibly traumatize herself into being a better queen, if that's what rulership demands.
For an expansion that spends the first half being like "wow isn't this perfect candidate for the crown so likable and humble? wouldn't it be nice to be ruled by a good king?," it sure is funny that the final boss is THE QUEEN ETERNAL and she hits you with attacks like LEGITIMATE FORCE and ABSOLUTE AUTHORITY and ROYAL DOMAIN. This, to me, is Sphene's role: she complicates and questions the themes we've developed in the first half. Most importantly to me, she makes us ask: what is devotion to a people or culture even worth?
There's a thing I kept thinking of constantly during Dawntrail, not because I think it directly influenced the game in any way but because the parallels were so stark and startling. It's Jonathan Hickman's New Avengers #18 (2014). Truthfully, I'm not a big comics guy; I only know this sequence because Ta-Nehisi Coates cited it as inspiration for his Black Panther run on Twitter once (I also didn't read TNC's run, I was following him for politics talk). Forgive me, comics people, if I get any details wrong. The parallels are almost comical, though. It goes like this:
A superhuman secret society formed of some of the smartest heroes (and villains) in the land re-forms to oppose an existential threat caused by incursions from other dimensions that threaten to cause literal collisions between Earth and its alternate dimension counterparts. Seeing no other alternatives, they undertake work on a weapon to destroy these other worlds. T'challa—king of a fictional hyperadvanced nation called Wakanda, and also the superhuman Black Panther—meets with his ghostly predecessors, the previous Black Panthers/kings, for he fears the moral stain on his soul and the souls of the people of Wakanda, if they survive explicitly by killing their alternate counterparts, will be too heavy to bear. His ancestors are not impressed.
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To them, there is no question at all. A king's duty may be complex in the execution, but it is simple in its conception. Your people come before all others. Always. This is, must be, the fundamental ethic of a good king. To do otherwise would be a betrayal of the social order on which this imagined good monarchy is built. In a situation like this, the only option is to do what you must to protect them. "Will there be a cost? Yes. Might the universe burn? Let it. . . . You will kill them all if it means Wakanda stands. The golden city must never fall."
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"I will do what I must" is Sphene's guiding principle. It is so important to her that when she recognizes that her sentimental attachments are making her waver in her duty, she severs them entirely, sacrificing her whole identity to the throne. It is also implicitly Wuk Lamat's position: she has no choice but to fight Sphene because to do otherwise would be to fail to protect her people. In fact, it's briefly even sort of the Warrior of Light's position, as when you tell Sphene before her trial that you understand what you must do, which is shut her down to protect others.
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(One quick thought about the Warrior of Light: one cool thing about the antagonist this time being a double in a more exact way than Emet or Zenos is that it means other characters get a chance to relate to her differently than Wuk Lamat. The Warrior of Light, for example, is pressed into her service immediately upon your first meeting as the Queen's Champion, there to defend her if need be against all evil. This role is further affirmed by both robot Otis and Endless Otis, who essentially hand off their role as her knight to you, and reinforced when you flash back to the "might I call upon your aid" moment right before the end. Except, of course, you are loyal not just to her, but to the principles she represents, which her own acts betray, and so your ultimate act of aid is to essentially pass judgment on her and execute her. In a sense, you become the internal safeguard that a political system is supposed to have to protect against this very issue, and which Alexandria explicitly lost when it cast out/forgot Otis. Very Voeburt/ShB tank quests, it owns.)
But really, it's Sphene who embodies this sort of grim logic best. Aside from her transformation into the Queen Eternal, it's also why she suggests you simply become Alexandrians. It's the only way for her to reconcile her values and worldview, which have backed her into a corner where preserving Alexandria has come to mean a maximalist declaration of war on all life outside its borders because the kind of absolutely pain-free life she envisions for her citizens is completely unsustainable.
In this reading, one of Sphene's main beats is to unsettle what has preceded her in MSQ. In nearly all respects, she shares your values. She prizes life, is curious about other cultures, believes in the greatest good for the greatest possible number. But she is also a queen, and therefore irrevocably (in her eyes) tied to her state. Gulool Ja Ja and Wuk Lamat (and Koana) are the mythical wise rulers, thank god--but what if Wuk had inherited a Turali state that wasn't desperately in need of cross-cultural understanding, but one in a state of war? What value would her deep love for the people of Tural have held then? Sphene says, it would have held no value. If the survival of your people means harming the innocent, you harm the innocent. Kingship allows for no alternatives.
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But she also concedes, in the very next breath, that she is still kind of wrong. Because what happened here was not inevitable, despite her programming (a brief note: to me Sphene being programmed is exactly the same as Emet being maybe-tempered, it's a fantasy gloss on the idea of social and cultural education. "I was programmed for this" is really no different from "I was trained and educated for this"), because the truth is that this kind of thoughtful, principled devotion to the state and its people is also a form of sentimental attachment, in the end. One that is maintained not because it is natural, and necessary, but because the monarch, too, likes it, and gets something from it.
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In so many ways, in so many senses, the monarch is the state. Kings and queens may fancy themselves merely a reflection of their people's needs and desires, but of course even a cursory glance at history will tell you that far more often, states reflect their rulers. Sphene and Wuk Lamat both suggest that their conflict was inevitable, but was it? Or is the truth, as Sphene glancingly acknowledges here, that she turned her own fears and desires into the same policy goals that led to this tragedy? And if so...what does that say of our Good Queen, Wuk Lamat? Perhaps this could be different if they met earlier, says Wuk Lamat. But when? When did Wuk Lamat ever not love her people so dearly that she would not have sacrificed herself for them, or caused mass death for the sake of their survival? When did Sphene not believe the Endless to be people, or the preservation of Alexandria to be the most important thing? Maybe she means "had we met before you met Zoraal Ja," but of course, we the player actually saw their meeting. And we know that Sphene even then was not the hapless naif she'd like to pretend. She always knew exactly what she was doing.
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We know the price of this kind of thinking, this Hobbesian view that states are engaged in a struggle of all against all. Living Memory lets you walk through it. To preserve Tural, we exterminate the Endless. We befriend them, learn about their lives, promise to remember them, and then we destroy them and their homes, leaving nothing but a bleak blank landscape and the sound of wind. This is what Sphene would have done to Tural and Eorzea. Indeed, it's what she's already doing to the people of Yyasulani, because no amount of well-intentioned aid can make up for trapping people under the dome for 30 years and systematically eroding their culture through the resonators.
To me, this is what makes Sphene really work, that way she has of forcing Wuk Lamat and the player to commit the same kinds of sins she has. We'd like to think ourselves better than her, but of course, we've already reconciled with and integrated Mamook's brutal eugenicist regime back into Turali society well before we ever met Sphene. At the end of our long "wow isn't having a wise queen cool???" expansion, we are met with "Legitimate Force" and "Absolute Authority" and see them for what they truly are: nothing but tools of violence. No longer does the idea of the Warrior of Light hanging around Tural as Wuk Lamat's advisor have the same attraction, now that we have been reminded of the way the putatively unquestionable logic of kingship can ultimately lock even the wisest and kindest rulers into a path of war and exploitation and destruction.
I think Sphene is FFXIV's most interesting and nuanced depiction yet of a leader. She really, truly, wants nothing more than to save her people and protect them from pain. But even seemingly loving and compassionate goals like these can readily lead us down dark paths. She's a "hard men make hard choices"-type character, a noble but misguided opponent, but as a loving and elegant fairy queen instead of a grizzled knight or extremely sad man. She fucking rocks.
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margaretkart · 1 month ago
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What bad characterizations or popular opinions that the people have for the greek gods and goddesses you most dislike?
Buckle up because it's a lot unfortunately:
Zeus is an as*hole: people fail to realise Zeus was made by an ancient civilization to fit the perspective of a great ruler in ancient Greek times that wanted to expand his lineage, and is a KING of cosmos, an immortal ruler powerful enough to defeat anyone. He's not a silly man to judge, but a religious figure like all the greek gods
Athena is mean: still making it based on Ovid's version instead of doing the bare minimum to see her achievements and how much she cared for her humans and her heroes. If people stopped using Medusa as a backbone to criticise it, it would be a good start
Dionysus is lazy/boring: he fought in Gigantomachy and in India, he survived Hera's wrath by having to dress as a girl until he was found then had for a while be punished by her. He's the god of theatre, festive and wine, things that are far from boring. He can manipulate his enemies to madness, transform them, he has the strength to tear flesh. He also found love famous enough to equal to Eros and psyche. He's a character that found happiness after years of torment. What exactly is boring and lazy about him??
Apollo is a r*pist: that's one unfortunate stereotype that came after LO. In truth he did it once and later helped his son and the mother later on with the help of Athena to find closure. However his character is more than a cheap stereotype
Demeter is an abusive mother: again how is it abusive to cry to everyone to return her kidnapped daughter being silenced in the process and as a last resort bring winter to finally have people notice your pleas? How is it abusive to live her daughter and wanting her to be safe?! How are people defending Hades over a mother? How is she a SA victim a supposed toxic abusive mother? People do your research for once
Hera is a girlboss: she's not. She's the Queen of Olympus, she's complex and is worth mentioning the huge amount of torment he unleashed upon Zeus children and affairs because she knew she didn't have a chance to do it on Zeus. If anything she's a ruler with a strong iron fist, not a feminist icon to glorify
Ares is a villain: all he did was have an affair with Aphrodite and later be in danger on losing his immortality because he killed his daughter's r*pist. Anything modern media has made him to be because he's associated with the raw nature of war, doesn't realise the meaning of war in ancient Greece.
Artemis is a man hater: she's not a hater, she could have men as her followers (virgins). Her nature is representation of virgin women and the protection of young girls, she even fell in love with Orion. However as a goddess when she sees hubris, like any god they won't care for the gender of the human that does it and punishment will be acted accordingly.
Hades is misunderstood: he never was to begin with. Ancient Greeks respected him as all the greek gods, worshipped him etc. whatever false impressions you may have of him was based on Hollywood and modern media spreading misinformation online.
I will repeat it again:
The Greek gods were and still are a Religion worshipped by many. The least people can do is respect the historical significance of their existence and not make bland and false assumptions of their characters. They aren't fictional characters, they are immortal religious deities and whether you believe in them or not, the BARE MINIMUM is respecting them and don't believe everything you see online without doing proper research.
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lilvoidcreature13 · 7 months ago
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Why I enjoy the Ships I put Severus in / ships featuring Severus from fanfics that I've read and enjoyed.
Lily X Sev (Snilly): I absolutely adored it when it's done right. Especially when it's from Lily's point of view since she rarely gets expanded on in the canon as fell as in the fandom. I also really love it when it has some elements of queerness. I've read fics where 1. Sev is a girl who still loves Lily; 2. Lily or Sev has some queer feeling about their gender and/or sexuality (either are portrayed as gender-nonconforming/non binary and/or bisexual/ace spectrum) or 3. They genuinely having feeling for each other and just not working out. These elements that I can find in some Snilly Fanfics are absolutely divine, I feel like these fics aren't afraid to look at the reality of queerness in the 1970s, and the complexity of their relationship to one another.
Sirius X Severus (Snirius, Snack, HoundPrince?): there's fics tend to be toxic, sometimes even violent, which isnt everyones cup of tea and I myself have to be in the right mood for it, but I enjoy seeing how these two man mirror each other and also bring out the worst in each other. I, with all my heart, believe that Sirius sees his mom in Severus and Severus sees his dad in Sirius, and it drives them both crazy because neither of them wanted to end up like their parents but cant stop themselves from seeking out what is familiar to them. I also like how a lot of Snack fics explore their experiences with abuse, their lives seem so different yet also similar. There are also some fics where they actually grow to understand one another and start a healthy relationship too, but I don't think they're as prominent as the more toxic versions. I still very much ship them, though!
James X Severus (Jeverus, PrinceChaser): can be just as toxic as SevXSirius but there are more wholesome fics out there of them. I have a love /hate relationship with this particular ship. Like, I like fics where James unknowingly had a crush on Sev the whole time and tries to win him over, but I always end up rooting for Sev to reject him and make him realize his actions have consequences. I've also stopping shipping it as much because of Snape's Worst Memory. I only returned to the fandom this year, before that I was still a high schooler obsessed with shipping, and now that I've matured I see SWM in a new light and can't stand fics between James and Sev when they take place after SWM. There's still plenty of good fics of these two, but I'm not as into the pairing as I use to be. Also James Stan's are really annoying and if I look for content featuring James, I inevitably run into them, so that kind of hinders my enjoyment of the ship.
Remus X Severus (Snupin, MoonPrince? WolfPrince?): again, I have a love hate relationship with this ship. I love how theyre both considered quite, introverted, and nerdy. They also have similar social standing: Remus is a halfblood whose life in constantly in shambles, who finally finds a place where he feels excepted with people who don't hate him for his condition, who then has to sit back and be quite when his friends act up because he's too scared of loosing what he has. Severus was in a similar boat to Remus, except he probably didn't have genuine friendship with the people he spent time with. This is a pretty interesting dynamic to explore, but I can't always enjoy the ship,especially in fics where the impact of Remus' non-action is handwaved. I don't know about you guys, but having a partner who doesn't acknowledge the ways they may have hurt you, even if it's only through inaction, is not a green flag for a partner.
Licius X Narcissa X Severus
I'm just gonna combine the LuciusXSev, NarcissaXSev, & LuciusXNarcissaXSeverus ships into on section, I don't read enough of this ship to have any really strong opinions,but I absolutely adored it when it's platonic. I just love the idea of Narcissa & Lucius acting as Severus' big siblings / parental figures, lord knows he needs people like that in his life. I also don't mind when this ship is more romantic/sexual, but I'm really picky when it comes to those depictions because if Sev is gonna be their third, they gotta treat him right.
Mulciber X Sev:
I adore this ship, it wasn't around when I was first in the fandom but I like how much Bruce is portrayed as a guy who actually loves Severus from the beginning. They very rarely any animosity between the two, which make it easy to consume fluff fics with them because I can buy into the fluff very easily. (Ps. I love it when Bruce calls Sev 'Potions' it's such a jock thing to do, and is also a unique term of endearment.)
Xenophilius Lovegood X Sev:
This stems purely from TikTok and the handful of fics I could find of this pair. Idk where it came from but I love the idea of Luna's oddball dad having a strange relationship with Severus. We've all see that post where the HP characters are matched up with characters from the first war (Harry-James, Ron-Sirius, Remus-Hermione, Neville-Peter, Ginny-Lily, Luna-Severus) and I fully believe that Luna does partially mirror Sev, what with them both being outcasts. Xenophillius, as we saw, also had some strange ideas and had his head in the sky, which I think would clash with Severus personality at first, until Sev eventually learns to tolerate Xenophilius. This ship is pure Crack and I am an addicted for it.
Kingsley Shacklebolt X Severus:
I have no idea why I like this ship, I'm not even a big Kingsley enjoyed but the fanfics are so good. There's one where they get into an arranged marriage and Kingsley is such a good husband!!
Fic is called Come What May by ShadowAceSeverus https://archiveofourown.org/works/48388618
It's what got me addicted to this ship.
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flippinpancakes64 · 11 months ago
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ןhiii can i please ask for the cullen with a mate with a powerfull gift like elament control b i love 💓💓💓ur writing english is my first lanugne so sorry
The Cullens with a Reader who can Control the Elements
Hello! Thank you so much for the kind words! And don’t worry about your English, I think I understood what you were asking for
Thank you for requesting and I hope you enjoy!
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Edward:
He is astonished
When he knew you when you were human, he never would have been able to guess that you would have such a powerful ability
He thinks you are fully deserving of it though
He loves watching you use your powers
He’s always there if you want someone to practice with
He might ask you occasionally to use your abilities for something mundane
Just for the fun of it
“You should take the water that’s in that glass and dump it on Rosalie’s head”
And he is always there to defend you from the Volturi looking to expand their guard
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Alice:
She's used to being the one with the most powerful ability in their family
But she did see this coming so she's not surprised
When you were still human she could see flashes of you moving water, bending fire, and shaping the air
She knew you would be amazing
She loves your ability
She could watch you work for hours
And she does
Her favorite pastime is watching you as you practice using your ability
And she knows how it feels for the Volturi to want you so bad they would be willing to do anything to get you to join their ranks
She's always on edge waiting to see if the guard tries to move against them
The Volturi will get to you over her dead body
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Jasper:
He's shocked
He's only ever known mental abilities
A couple of the Volturi have the ability to manipulate the world, but it's still mostly mental
He thinks it's amazing, but he is also a little on guard
Whether he knew you as a human and you were turned, thus being a newborn, or you were another vampire who joined their little family, he's watching you closely
He wants to make sure that everyone he loves is safe, and since you have such a strong ability, he's on edge
But after that he is entranced
He loves watching you work
But he also understands if you just want to be left alone
And he doesn't like the Volturi anyway
So if they even ask if you would like to join them, he is on their asses
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Rosalie:
I feel like she's always had a little bit of a complex that she doesn't have an ability but Edward does
So she's a little self conscious when the human that she fell in love with and turned ended up having an even stronger ability than anyone could have predicted
Cue the feelings of jealousy and inferiority
It takes her a little bit to get over it
But when she does, she loves your ability
It's very useful
She knows that she'll need to touch a human's hand but doesn't want them to get suspicious because she's too cold?
Well you're here and you can just sort of make fire so it's a perfect scenario
She needs to leave right now but her curling iron is too hot to just leave there?
Boom ice
And she's not afraid to kick some Volturi ass so don't even worry
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Emmett:
Hell yeah
He loves it
He's so used to being the scary dog, now it's your turn
Like yeah stay away from us my SO will kick your ass
He thinks you're so cool
He loves watching you practice or do anything with your ability
And he has plenty of suggestions for what to do
"You should turn that puddle into ice so when that guy walks on it he slips"
"That guy just spent 10 minutes waiting for his pizza to cool down... you should heat it up again"
He likes to play pranks, and now he has you and it's so much easier to do
But don't even get me started on the Volturi
He legitimately hates them
Like he can't stand them
So if their old asses ever show up at their house to try and get to you they won't even be able to step inside
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Esme:
She's amazed
She's seen so many amazing things since she joined Carlisle, but this definitely takes the cake
She just can't even fathom how you're so powerful and talented
She loves to watch you
And help you out from time to time
Even if she doesn't know what it's like to have an ability
She will do her best to educate you about the Volturi
She doesn't ever want you to leave or to join them, but if that's something that you want to do, then she won't stop you
She'll be very upset and sad, but she would let you go
She just does her best to tell you everything that she knows about them and that she has experienced in the past
Just wants you to make an informed decision
And hopefully not leave her
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Carlisle:
He's met many powerful people over the course of his life
Of course, he's met Benjamin too, who has the same ability as you to control the elements
But that doesn't mean he's any less astonished
He always thought that Benjamin was a one in a million chance
So he is very interested to know how you managed to get the same ability as him
He's very helpful when learning how to control your ability
Even though he doesn't have one himself, he has raised three vampires who do (not including Jasper)
Like Esme, he prefers to tell you everything that he knows about the Volturi in the hopes that you'll make your own informed decision
He doesn't want you to join them
But he won't force you to stay with him
That's not his style
But if you express that you don't want to join them but they still try to get you to, he won't hesitate to fight
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Vampire! Bella:
All she can say is wow
She's a little butthurt
I mean, she wasn't very happy that her only ability is "to have an incredibly thick skull"
But she is happy for you
She just wishes she was also cool
She loves to watch you work and practice
And she's very helpful with teaching you how to control your ability
She's the most fresh one anyway, it feels like she just learned how to control herself yesterday
And yeah she hates the Volturi's guts
I mean, they were fully intent on killing her daughter and her whole family so
She will fight again if she needs to
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the-offside-rule · 1 year ago
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The Leclerc Sister {Headcanons}
Idk I'm just bored and wanna do some headcanons but if you wanna ask for more headcanons for drivers just lmk
(GIF IS NOT MINE: @brasiliangp
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Role of each brother
♡ Lorenzo: Being the eldest, Lorenzo would be the responsible and wise older brother, offering guidance and a calm presence. Lorenzo, being the eldest, would naturally assume a guiding role. He'd often help you with important life decisions and be someone you can always turn to for serious advice. He would emphasize the importance of education and career planning. He’d help you with homework, discuss future plans, and encourage you to pursue your goals with diligence. While he might not be as overtly protective as Charles or Arthur, Lorenzo’s calm and steady presence would make you feel safe and secure. He'd quietly ensure everything in your life is running smoothly.
♡ You'd likely share some intellectual hobbies with Lorenzo, such as reading, discussing current events, or exploring cultural activities like museum visits or music concerts. Not to mention that whenever there’s a disagreement between siblings, Lorenzo would step in as the mediator, helping to resolve conflicts with a balanced and fair approach.
♡ Charles: Charles would be your confidant and biggest supporter, always making time for you despite his busy schedule. Charles’s dedication to his racing career would be a source of inspiration for you. He’d teach you the importance of following your passions with commitment and hard work. Despite his busy schedule, Charles would make time for adventurous outings with you, like spontaneous road trips, go-karting sessions, or even just exploring new hobbies together. If you have any interest in motorsports, Charles would be thrilled to share his knowledge and experience, perhaps even mentoring you if you decide to try racing yourself.
♡ He would be there for you during tough times, offering emotional support and a listening ear. His experiences in a high-pressure environment would provide valuable perspectives. Being Charles’s sister would bring some media attention. He’d help you navigate this with grace, teaching you how to handle public scrutiny and maintain your privacy.
♡ Arthur: Arthur, closer to your age, would be your partner in crime, sharing secrets, jokes, and adventures. However, there are often times that the two of you would bicker, leading to the pair of you to try outdo eachother on pranks as a form of Revenge. Arthur’s youthful energy and playful nature would make him a fun and lively sibling. He’d always have new activities or games to share, keeping life exciting. With Arthur, there’d be a sense of friendly rivalry. Whether it’s sports, video games, or academic achievements, he’d push you to be your best, always in a supportive way.
♡ Arthur would introduce you to his wide circle of friends, helping you expand your social network and feel included in various social activities. Arthur would encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and try new things, helping you build confidence in your abilities and interests. If you have any creative interests, like music, art, or writing, Arthur would be eager to collaborate and share ideas, fostering a creative partnership between you two.
♡ You'd have a close relationship with Pascale, your mother, who would be a strong support system and a source of wisdom and comfort. She would help you navigate the complexities of life in the spotlight, as well as a fair bit of telling off when needed. She's had three boys before you and knows how to handle bad moods and outbursts. She tries her best to keep you out of the spotlight and away from trouble, but Lorenzo often reminds her it's only a matter of time before people begin to try and look into her.
♡ Family dinners would be lively events, filled with laughter, storytelling, and delicious food. Each brother would bring their own stories and experiences, making these moments cherished and memorable.
♡ The dynamic between Lorenzo, Charles, and Arthur would create a balanced household. Lorenzo's maturity, Charles’s passion, and Arthur’s energy would provide a well-rounded environment for you.
♡ Growing up with each of them would expose you to a variety of interests and activities, from intellectual pursuits with Lorenzo, motorsport adventures with Charles, to fun and creative endeavors with Arthur.
♡ Despite their different personalities and approaches, all three brothers would be united in their love and support for you, creating a strong family bond that you can always rely on.
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nayatarot777 · 1 year ago
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PSA For Those Who Don’t Understand That Shit Ain’t Always Sweet Out Here In This Spiritual/Tarot World
I’m not one of these “love and light” tarot readers/spiritualists. You’re going to hear shit about yourselves in my readings that you don’t like, if that’s what Spirit wants to come out. Idgaf if it’s based on personal topics, relationships, work, health in any aspect - a lot of us self-sabotage. A lot of us are in situations with people and environments due to our own doing (partially). I’m not the reader that’s going to enable your perpetual victim complex and tell you what you want to hear to protect your ego from seeing a side to yourself that you don’t like. I’m not one of those readers who help you to lack accountability over what you allow into your own life despite having the option to do better. Of course I’ll try to put it in a delicate way where I can, but if a difficult pill to swallow is presented in a reading, I’m going to point it out.
I’ll point out your control issues that I see (no matter how much you try to hide or deny them). I’ll point out where you’re betraying yourself, where you’re disrespecting yourself, and where you’re disrespecting another. If you want to focus on love and light, then by all means - do that. But that’s the reason why so many of you are still unstable and imbalanced with no idea of how to balance and ground yourself. You think any of us could exist without darkness and negativity (which isn’t always evil and “bad”)? You think that you can exist only paying attention to the good parts of you without the bad? Go ahead and see how that turns out for you.
So many of you wonder why your intuition is thwarted and why you feel like you can’t connect to your higher self or the spiritual world without a “middleman” (such as myself). It’s because you’re not ready for that. Because you’re not ready to explore darkness within yourself in order to clear out a lot of the bs that’s clouding your vision. Why do you think that so many people who are great intuitives go through some of the darkest manifestations of life itself? Major abuse, betrayal, childhood wounds, just complete chaos - and they STILL come out to be some of the strongest and well-balanced people you’ll ever meet. They’re people who are strong enough to transmute darkness into light. You’re not going to do that by ignoring shit that you don’t like. And the darkness is terrifying. Exploring space, the deep sea, or any type of unknown is terrifying. But what would society look like if not one of us decided to do that? Where would we be as a human race if people with courage didn’t venture into those spaces and bring back a bunch of knowledge for us to expand our consciousness with? We all owe doing that for ourselves. Not doing so is self-betrayal and stagnation.
Intuition is represented by the moon. Does the moon emit light? No. Mother Luna is a dark entity and she lives in the darkness - which is the core of everything. And if you’re a woman/a feminine, you’re doing yourself even more of a disservice. Because darkness is pure, feminine energy. We come from our mother’s dark ass wombs. This entire universe began as a dark ass body of space-and-time before it formed physical planetary bodies and light sources. Reject yourselves all you want, but you can’t complain that you’re out of whack energetically if you choose to do so. Or when what you’re manifesting doesn’t come through (which also stems from the darkness btw). Don’t reject the darkness but expect to be able to use it when it benefits you. Sounds like shit that masculines have done to the feminine for centuries, huh? And so many feminines are doing that same exact shit to themselves. It’s sad.
We’ve seen entire groups of people with weak egos follow the same path of rejecting darkness/femininity and we see how difficult they are as people to co-exist with: ignorant men who have egos as big as the sun because they don’t want to face the hidden sides of themselves - that often times houses some ugly traits because of what they’ve allowed to fester in the dark corners of their psyche. Ignorant, male-centred religious people who identify so much with their religion that they only want to focus on the light, happy parts of their religion while ignoring how much harm that same religion can cause to others (especially feminines/women). Thats just to name a few. If you walk around with this idea that you’re nothing but “love and light” then just know that you’re another ignorant person in this world who is no doubt ignoring very real and human negative effects that you have on yourself and/or others - no doubt. And the darkness doesn’t always have negative effects (obviously) but it will when it’s suppressed and therefore forced to come out in uncontrolled, unconscious ways. If that’s what you want to do, then I’m not the reader for you.
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taragreenfield · 27 days ago
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A little more on Alina
In addition to this post
The problem with Alina's character is not that she is deeply flawed, but that the narrative tries to present her as some sort of pure-hearted, virtuous heroine who fights for the greater good. The thing is, she has nothing to offer but the light shining out of her ass. She's riding the coattails of her status as the Sun Summoner while having the mindset of a wet paper towel. One might argue that it's a classic "chosen one" trope - a girl who has nothing discovers she has a power that can change the world, that she is young, naive, and traumatized, so it's understandable she's reluctant to take such a massive responsibility upon herself. And yes, in the beginning of the story I would agree. However, the whole point of the "chosen one" trope is that your young, insecure heroine grows as a person, embraces her identity, learns there are bigger things than her fears and personal wants, gets her naive beliefs challenged, and becomes a person who knows what they are. Yes, she doesn't have to become the queen. She might decide that she's not really a fighter or a ruler but still find a way to help people in real, meaningful ways. But it never happens. Alina is worshipped as a saint solely because she can summon light. She doesn't earn her "sainthood" in any way, not by the acts of kindness, not by her selflessness and compassion, not by her devotion to her beliefs. She's appointed by Nikolai as the general of the second army, even though she has zero combat or strategic skills and is literally a deserter. Someone is looking for amplifiers for her, even though nothing about her shows that she has enough mental strength or willpower to wield this immense magic. Once again, she's the Sun Summoner; therefore, she's worthy. In her "connection" with Aleksander, her being the sun summoner does all the heavy lifting, since Alina herself not only never understood him, she simply lacks the mental and emotional bandwidth to be his rival, counterpart, or his "balance". Even in the end, she doesn't get to destroy the Fold, as she lost her powers before that, but the Apparat cooks up a story that she heroically died "protecting the country".
She is an impostor in her own story, occasionally reaping the benefits of the power she never deserved and never even comprehended. She's not "morally grey", she's intellectually and morally bankrupt. Her moral rigidity doesn't come from a place of hard-earned experience or strong, however idealistic, principles and conviction. It comes from a place of cowardice, because entertaining the idea that she might be wrong can implicate her and force her to deal with the accountability she desperately tries to escape. The story needed the sun that could burn the rot of the corrupt, oppressive system and light the way to something better, but all it got was a damp squib.
The ending makes a weak and unconvincing attempt to "punish" her, but completely misses the mark. An orphan girl who spent her life feeling powerless and invisible wanting to embrace and expand her newly found power is not the flaw that should be punished. This is actually one of the traits that makes her relatable and human. Her selfishness, her lack of empathy, her inability to own up to her mistakes, her misplaced self-righteousness, and her cowardly bury-your-head-in-the-sand mentality is what really needed to be addressed. And her ending, where she gets to live under a false name, pretends that the mess she created wasn't hers, and plays a tragic martyr who was "punished for her greed," conveniently blaming all her failings and less than commendable traits on amplifiers' corruptive effects without having to see how her actions affected other people or, heaven forbid, do something about it, only reinforces her worst traits - an unwillingness to take responsibility, blame-shifting, a victim complex, and moral cowardice. She stays insular in her own warped narrative.
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raptorladylover6969 · 5 months ago
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the struggle of trying to figure out and understand exactly what The Handler’s motives and goals are because everything just contradicts the other.
Like, she’s clearly apart of this dino trafficking thing yes, but she cares about dinosaurs??? And she cares about her dinosaurs, but she puts them in situations for them to get hurt and or possibly die?? And there is the possibility she’s being coerced and blackmailed into being apart of this and killing the N6, but yet, she SMILES whenever she lands a kill???? DOES SHE ENJOY THE JOB OR NOT???
How the hell is this character with like total approximately 6 minutes of screen time, with no dialogue whatsoever, so damn complex??
She will probably be expanded on in future seasons (or, season if season 3 is still the finale), but even so, I’m curious to see how the writers will tackle her motives and role in the show. All we know about her canonically is she is a raptor handler, works under Soyona, is active in the dino trafficking stuff, yet finds herself more comfortable around dinosaurs than people, which I find should definitely be a priority about her to expand on, because what on God’s green Earth even happens to someone to seek comfort and security inside of a worldwide ecological THREAT (the dinosaurs) CUZ THAT SHIT ISNT NORMAL AT ALL.
Not even just her motives and goals but her personality as well, her thinking, her mind, her BRAIN CHEMISTRY. To me, considering the whole “more comfortable around dinosaurs than humans” thing, that could mean she’d be very emotionally vulnerable had an event took place to cause such a dramatic shift within her, and what she finds comfort and security in, which ties into the whole “coercion” theory. Soyona (As far as we know has strong connections with The Handler) takes advantage of The Handler’s emotional vulnerability from possibly being so wronged in her life, and uses that to blackmail and coerce her into doing whatever she says, using “rewarding” as a power type, with coercion being the whole power dynamic.
Rewarding could be interpreted as Soyona showing The Handler the compassion, credit, praise, and kindness she possibly was starved of whenever she does get a job done. Because The Handler would’ve been so depraved of it, she’d be fiending just for an ounce of acknowledgment. If she were to fail a job, Soyona would then begin to deprave her of it, causing The Handler to work harder and harder to get it back. The rewarding provides her MOTIVATION to do the things she does, if she’s being stripped of it, she’ll be motivated EVEN MORE. Even if she doesn’t wanna do it, because of how fucked up she is in the head, to her it’s like a drug, an addiction, causing her to act recklessly, putting herself and the raptors in danger.
this is just my silly take on them, cannot wait to see the actual canonical expansion on it tho, if there is any…(s2 left me paranoid 😭😭)
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thoughtfullyrainynightmare · 7 months ago
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Because it's been a while since any of these have been around
APPRECIATION POST
@loosesodamarble - You are one of my fandom wives, and I couldn't be happier about it. I love your OCs who are complex and deep, and they explore very humane emotions and wishes (such as locking emotions away after a loss), and combine into a world that both fits so well into existing canon, and expands on it in a very natural manner. On top of that, we get scrumptious pieces of meta and japanese language tidbits, for which I am ever so grateful. I'm overjoyed to be able to call you as not only a mutual, but as a friend
@lyranova - You are also one of my fandom wives and oldest friends here. You have written, what I dare say, is one of The most popular fics in the fandom, but you also have wonderful OCs, with which I love playing during out metaphorical 2D doll play-sessions. I know that over the years there have been a lot of emotions, both for good and bad, but I think that is just how life works. And I am beyond grateful that we've stayed friends throughout all the storms in our lives, and continue to be friends in the future. I am also very proud to call you not only a mutual, but a friend too
@koneko-pi - Third fandom wife! I know we haven't been in contact for as long, which is... over a year still at this point XD And dare I say I was surprised to get a DM on IG from you because I admired your art a lot, so... what can I say? I was just perplexed to see you in my DMs. And it was more than apparent that you are an absolute sweetheart, and I cherish your presence in my life. Even if such things as work dare interfere in having fun times. Also the memory of you saying "I am the floridan man" is inscribed into my brain (affectionate). You are a fey creature to me, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You are an equally valued friend
@wildflowerwoodsworld - I hope that I've at least implied by now that you are a force of nature, and very brave. I feel like I can be honest with my opinions with you, and I value someone with strong opinions in my life. Like, even if we wouldn't agree on something, we can still manoeuvre around the discussion. Your input into the fandom is also notable, in the form of fanfic, theories, and rants; but also, I adore Lia. She is a rascal, and that is what makes her so great. (And I still find myself giggling over a lot of the stuff that has happened in our dnd campaign, for which the credit should be divided equally among all the players, but you are a vital part of that group). Also, I find your characterizations to be peak
@acacia-may - I know that due to irl, you haven't been around much, but I wanted to take this opportunity to send out my gratitude for you; someone who takes so much time in exploring the platonic relationships of BC, which is an important component of BC at large. And you are an absolute sweetheart as well
@kalolasfantasyworld - My 4th fandom wife in the making? (*holds out a ringbox*) I'm still surprised about being the first to talk to you, because like... I'm pretty sure I wasn't the first to see or rb your art? I feel like the pieces had circulated a bit before that at least? But still, I am so happy to have you in my life. I'm not sure how exactly to put it into words, but I feel like we understand each other. And being able to complain over school (and speak latin to you :P ) is just an added bonus. I am really happy to have you as a friend. Simple as that. I value your presence in my life so much
@faewraithsworld - I love Acy! That probably shouldn't be my first thought, but that's the thing that got us connected. So, perhaps appreciating the OC that connected us is alright XD You also are just an absolute doll, and I love having you in my life. Even if life keeps both of us busy too, and the interactions are scarce
@t-f-t - Can I just say that I love the fandom discussions with you? Like they tickle my brain in a nice way? Again, while we might not agree, we get a good discussion out of it, and to me that's much more valuable than agreeing (especially on the spot), because it's a way of widening one's view to things. Also, holy damn your backbone, because of things, and the BCM project T-T
@funky-sea-cryptid - You are adorable, and I feel you to be a little bit of a silly gremlin (affectionate). And I love the fics and the art and the generally just good vibes you bring into this corner of the fandom. If I had to write your blog slogan in 6 words, it'd be "write fic, do art, love WIFE" <3
@purpled-royalty - I am incredibly happy to have you around in my circles. And even though we've only recently started talking, I feel like I can be genuine with you, and that we both are on the same wavelength regarding time and effort. Like, even when we go back and forth about our OCs' stories and characterizations, I don't feel pressure to reply instantly, y'know? You just have this way of feeling... Idk if "soothing" is the right word here, but something along the lines ^^' I value your presence ~
@the-black-bulls - You are one of the fandom olds, and I appreciate immensely that you've stuck around throughout all these years Cy. And that you keep your blog alive even due to irl. I wish only good things to you, and clear skies in the future
@yellowgreendinno - I love your energy Ginny! You keep things light, and bring just a dash of bright yellow into this corner of Tumblr~
@yukiblob - Your art is so tasty! They really are paintings, and I think your style is very unique~
@valtoswife - A lot of great art has crossed my dash because of you, and I am so happy that it has. So, I appreciate your presence here as well~
@cringeyvanillamilk - I know you're not around as much anymore as you used to either, but over the years you've contributed to the fandom so much, and the Fuegoleon plushy comic is still one of my favourites. So, I wanted to take this time to express my gratitude
@crazycookiemaniac - You are an absolute sweetheart, and you've also contributed to the fandom so much over the years. And you've made one of the best known art pieces, or so I think, which would be the Magna comic where he's giving a supportive message. So, thank you for being here~
@artificialpillow - I know we haven't yet interacted much, on Tumblr at least, but you're adorable, and I'm happy to have you join in on the fun <3 Also Eloise is so cute~
@f-oighear - I wish I had your organization skills and ability to write such good commentary. Like I feel that your fics are always outlines, they come timely, and you are also very structured in your feedback. And you've given the fandom The Nozessa fic, so that definitely is a feat as well ^^
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snowfieldstories · 2 months ago
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In Life and Death [Chapter 11]
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Kim Dokja x Reader/Original female character
<< Series masterlist
Warnings: strong language, violence
Summary:
In which a reader finds herself tossed into the pages of her favorite web novel after her untimely death. A novel of a novel within reality. It's a reader's dream, right? Well, this reader vows to bring the right epilogue to her beloved character, Kim Dokja. She will give him the happiest of endings. Or she will die trying.
⚠️MAJOR SPOILERS FOR ORV WEB NOVEL AND MANHWA!!!!⚠️
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Episode VI. Chapter 11 — Gone Fishing
Sunfish bastards had their own ways of doing things. I found it incredibly irritating.
"Did we really have to go through the ceiling?"
Yoo Joonghyuk didn't bother responding to me as the rest of us jumped down after him, dusting off crumbled stone. "Kim Dokja," he said darkly.
"A one-track mind," I muttered. Really, he was practically infatuated with the man already. Should I feel competitive? I kind of feel like I should be in competition right now.
I surveyed the room. Dokja, Sangah, Gilyoung, and Namwoon were grouped together by the far wall. A fight had already broken out amongst the kings and their loyal followers, and it seemed that Han Sooyoung had stolen the gems already. She gaped at Joonghyuk, aware of exactly who he was.
"...Yoo Joonghyuk?"
Dokja lowered Unbroken Faith slowly. He was probably wondering why Joonghyuk wasn't trying to slice him in half right now.
Joonghyuk leveled him with a complex gaze. Then his lips thinned and he began identifying and killing the remaining kings.
Well. That was a good first step.
"Dokja," I said, gesturing for him to join us. Heewon had Mia pull out the flag pole from her mouth, and I noticed Gilyoung creep closer as well, fascinated by her skill.
"No...what are you doing here?" said Dokja, sounding stressed. Then a dumbfounded expression took over his face as he recognized the flag pole. "Is that from Changsin station?"
"Yep," Heewon said with a grin.
It was a curious thing, to see Kim Dokja at a loss for words. I enjoyed his floundering as he tried to grasp an idea that no one in Ways of Survival had ever attempted before.
"Heewon is brilliant, isn't she?" I prompted.
"...She's something." Then he pulled out the flag. It glowed, turning black, and a messaged popped up for the Chungmuro people.
[Your group has occupied the target station.]
Finally. Now it should be smooth sailing for the rest.
My eyes slid to the regressor, methodically cutting down people left and right. Smooth, so long as that bastard cooperates...
I went over to him and felt eyes on me. I raised my eyebrows at Han Sooyoung as I activated 'Sacred Light' and expanded my longest sword.
She paled. I watched, amused, as she pivoted and scurried over to Dokja and the others. Her hands waved around as she gestured frantically at me in question.
There weren't many kings left. Most people made a wide berth around Joonghyuk as I approached, either cowering in fear or searching for an escape. "Hey," I said.
He grunted like an ape and stabbed a man that charged towards us.
"How many kings are left?"
"Seven." Two more to go.
"Will you do as I asked?" Joonghyuk remained blank-faced at my request. "Joonghyuk."
"..."
I leaned forwards, ready to remind him of all the reasons why he should heed my advice in the coming scenario development—
"Hey! Are you arguing again?" I turned to find Yoo Mia padding up to us. Did...the others just let a child roam around an active fighting zone unattended? There were literal pools of blood soaking the dirt!
"Mia," Joonghyuk growled. "Get away from here."
"Here is probably the safest place," I pointed out. Joonghyuk jerked towards me, prepared to bite me with his words (or sword, as he lifted it in the air, dripping blood).
"I came to talk to unnie."
Joonghyuk halted.
"Me?" I asked. "Sure, what is it?"
Mia jabbed a finger at Dokja, who was deep in conversation with Heewon and Sangah about something. "That's the ahjussi, Kim Dok—Dokja?" she stumbled over his name, as if trying to recall it from memory.
"Yes..." Where was she going with this?
She huffed at me, offended. "You kissed that ahjussi?"
Joonghyuk choked on air. I could already sense the wave of angry disapproval headed my way.
"Mia!" I said stiffly. Of course that stupid comment from Jihye had stuck. "It was a movie—This is not the time!"
Mia gave me a hard look. "You like that ugly ahjussi, but you don’t like my brother?" She crossed her arms. "You're not very smart."
Joonghyuk's mouth twitched up.
"He isn't ugly," I said hotly, glaring first at the regressor, and then at the pint-sized, female copy.
"So you're blind, too."
"Your precious orabeoni is rude, mean, and tried to kill me. Several times. Why the hell would anyone like him?"
Mia gasped and turned to Joonghyuk, who suddenly resembled a deer caught in the headlights. "You tried to kill unnie?"
"No." He then spoke to me fiercely, "Shut up."
"See? Mean," I sighed.
"Orabeoni—!"
I was thoroughly satisfied as he was subject to a round of scolding by the eleven-year-old while I hurried back to my companions. Really, Joonghyuk was lucky he was so frightening to normal incarnations, considering his younger sister was present and vulnerable.
"Oi, you thieving bastard!"
Sooyoung yelled at Dokja as he raced towards me. He held the giant jar and three-wheeled ring in his arms. "Yeona," he panted. "Will this plan work?"
He looked at me like I was a crystal ball that held all the answers. Right...I had told him about the novel. The implications of that were still stifled, a pressure beginning to crack, in the corners of my mind. I swallowed. "Yes. Destroy it."
A strange expression crossed Dokja's face. Almost like he hadn't expected such a positive response.
"This is your story." I felt the urge to reassure him come over me. "It will be your first—"
Something pushed into me from behind. I craned my neck to see Mia's face in my back.
"Take her," said Joonghyuk. Then he swung his sword and lopped off the head of a king.
That was five.
The intermediate dokkaebi appeared and scowled at Dokja. Ah, he had a grudge against him, didn't he?
[I see you've met the qualifications. Let's begin.]
Dokja and Joonghyuk started to glitch, a golden glow that warped them from this space into the site of the final trial.
When all the kings were gone, a hush fell over the room.
"Damn it," muttered Sooyoung.
"Dokja-ssi..." said Sangah faintly.
"They're beginning the trials outside," I said, Mia in hand as I went to my companions. "Let's go."
My path was blocked. Han Sooyoung clenched her fists and said, "You."
"Me," I replied, passing off Mia to Heewon and telling them to go on ahead.
Sooyoung eyed me warily, and said, "Are you that person?"
"I'm certainly a person." My lips curved up.
"Don't toy with me," she spat. "How did you know my name?"
I stared at her, which only served to piss her off further. Someone interrupted us just as she opened her mouth. "Angel-noona!"
"Namwoon," I said, baffled as I looked up at him. "Did you get...taller?"
He must have been a good five to ten centimeters higher than the last time I saw him. Ah, the power of raising stats; it was curious how raising physicality manifested differently in each person. Like Dokja's increase in muscles (...not that I paid close attention to that, or anything).
Namwoon puffed up like a peacock. "Yep. I leveled up, too, just like you said."
"That guy," Sooyoung said angrily. "You told him who I was."
Namwoon glanced at her, twirling his knife in his hand. "That's Han Sooyoung, right? Should I cut off her head again, noona?"
Sooyoung released a squawk of outrage.
"No, once was fine." I pulled him back by the arm. "She'll be a good ally from now on."
"Ally? That's rich," sneered Sooyoung. But her eyes shook. "I can't trust you. Just who are you, huh? You're not supposed to be here."
"Neither are you," I said mildly.
"I'm different."
"Perhaps I am too."
We remained in a standoff—one, a fierce glare like a cornered animal, the other, sharp and dangerously omniscient.
BOOM!
The ground rattled beneath us. There was no time to linger, not when more pressing matters were occurring outside. I pulled Namwoon along and glanced at Sooyoung as we passed her.
"Han Sooyoung, next time we meet I might have more to say to you. Until then," I said, waggling my fingers in farewell.
"Shit! We're not done here!"
"Watch yourself out there," I called back.
[The constellation 'Secretive Plotter' is highly amused by your actions towards this 'Han Sooyoung'.]
[1,000 coins have been sponsored.]
Namwoon and I paced quickly down the street. When I looked over my shoulder, Sooyoung had vanished. Ah, well. She wasn't a big concern at the moment. Who knows what she got up to before being captured later...
Perhaps it was cold of me, but Han Sooyoung wasn't someone I felt the instinctual urge to befriend, not at first anyways; rather, I was more compelled to keep her at arm's length. It was frustrating, because I truly did come to care for her in the last round. Now that we were back at the beginning, that closeness had become muddled again. I chose not to examine too closely why that may be.
"Yeona-ssi, come look!"
I went to Sangah's side, tracking the movements inside the barrier. "They're still fighting."
"Yes." Sangah gripped the straps of her pack. "It looks like...Yoo Joonghyuk-ssi is helping Dokja-ssi."
Helping was a bit of a stretch. It was safe to say that the two weren't at each other's necks, but Joonghyuk didn't seem to be actively protecting Dokja or anything. Not that I had really expected that. My eyes narrowed on the regressor. "It's going well for now," I said finally.
"Angel-noona...?"
The stupefied tone prompted me to look over. Namwoon scrunched his nose at me. "Where did you get such an ugly bag? Why did you pick such a bag?"
Sangah checked it out for herself and covered her mouth. It couldn't stop her giggles from escaping.
I grimaced. "I'm borrowing it."
"Uh huh," Namwoon gave me a weird look. "It makes you look like a kid."
"Gross. Don't ever say that again."
He leaned forward, suddenly eager. "It's okay, you're not actually a kid. I like older anyway, angel-noona—"
"Fuck no. Do you want a black eye?"
[The constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' is sighing in disappointment.]
"Hey, Elsa." Heewon emerged menacingly. "If you're a pervert, just leave us now. There's no room in the group for creeps."
Namwoon's nose lifted in a snarl, and I interjected before he could be more of an idiot.
"He's bluffing. He prefers younger." There was a long, awkward pause where the other two women looked at Namwoon in revulsion. I spoke quickly, "Not young young, I meant, Lee Jihye kind of young..."
We all glanced at Jihye, who hovered around Yoo Mia with the air of a girl desperate to hang out at the popular kids' table during lunch. Mia chatted with Gilyoung, oblivious. Jihye agonized silently behind them.
Heewon sniggered and clapped a hand on Namwoon's head as he continued to protest. "You might actually have better luck trying for our Yeona, here."
"I don't like that ugly sword-girl!"
Heewon strutted away with Namwoon hot on her heels, having a one-sided argument with her.
Sangah and I kept an eye on the children. I suppose I could ask Gilyoung to switch bags with me, but after seeing his joy at the gift, I wouldn't dare (besides, the pink straps of this one were kind of growing on me). I conveyed as much to Sangah.
"He killed someone for trying to grab it off him." Sangah's expression was dark with discomfort as she stared at Gilyoung, who laughed at something Mia said.
I smothered a certain feeling inside me. "I...see."
She sighed heavily and paced away, deep in her thoughts. Once Jihye had managed to wrangle Mia's attention, I shuffled over to Gilyoung and trapped him in a strong hug. I buried my smile into his hair.
"I'm so proud of you," I said happily.
His squirming stopped at my words. "Why, noona?"
"For being so smart and strong." I moved to look at Gilyoung's face. His cheeks glowed pink. "I heard you fought hard earlier. Do you like the hammer? Or do you want to try a different weapon sometime?"
Gilyoung furrowed his brow in thought. It was adorably similar to the way Dokja often did as he read on his phone or explained a new plan to the rest of us.
"I like the hammer. But I want to try new things someday, too."
I nodded. "We can make that happen."
Then we watched the progress in the final trial zone. The King of Beauty, Min Jiwon, had forfeited already, as had the Neutral King; only the bald one, the Maitreya King, was left.
Joonghyuk put the Maitreya King out of commission with one, powerful kick to the chest not long after. He turned to Dokja.
"Come on, you bastard," I muttered. Damn the regressor for being so unpredictable.
Dokja squared his feet, on guard as Joonghyuk approached him.
"Are they going to fight?" asked Gilyoung.
"They had better not."
They spoke instead. My eyes narrowed as Dokja said something with an obvious tension; Joonghyuk shook his head. All of us watching held our breath as the Supreme King lifted his sword.
And sheathed it.
['Supreme King' Yoo Joonghyuk has abstained from the battle.]
['Kim Dokja' has passed all of the trials of the 'Absolute Throne'.]
Kim Dokja, the sole, remaining king, approached the Absolute Throne. Yoo Joonghyuk turned away from him as the barrier came down.
When Joonghyuk was near me, he said, "If he takes it instead, I'll kill you before he can stop it."
"You sooty bastard!" Gilyoung instantly jumped in front of me, spewing rage as he prepared to defend against the Supreme King with his hammer.
I eyed Joonghyuk. "Does being an asshole come naturally to you, or did you have to work at it?"
Joonghyuk's glower cut through the air.
"All natural," I mumbled.
I let Gilyoung seethe and tuned in to the intermediate dokkaeibi's ramblings about the omnipotence of the throne. Bihyung's voice appeared in my mind, his garbled speech a wave a panic.
     --What is Kim Dokja doing?? I know you know what that crazy guy is thinking...!
I ignored him and approached the base of the throne, Joonghyuk and Gilyoung trailing behind. Dokja's next words brought a terrible silence over Gwanghwamun.
"I will never sit on this Absolute Throne."
And, like the novel, the intermediate dokkaebi grew furious, the surrounding people shouted and interrogated Dokja over his decision, and the first, fat raindrops splattered on the concrete as thick clouds swirled overhead.
"I won't allow other people to sit on the throne, either."
My jaw slackened. There was something magnificently cinematic about this moment. It was a powerful and pivotal scene in the novel, sure, but seeing it play out in real life, beat for beat, was something indescribable. Perhaps some moments, no matter how much I diverged from the original path, were simply destined to occur; a story-driven need to further Kim Dokja's development. I watched him with rapt attention.
The sub-scenario for a forced succession arrived, and our companions circled around Dokja in a protective ring. Dokja pulled out an artifact and activated 'Echo of the Stars'. Though people were running towards us for a fight, I couldn't turn away.
Lightning cracked above the throne, briefly bathing Dokja in an otherworldly light. His eyes shined like twin stars, and his hair plastered haphazardly to his forehead from the rain. The planes of his cheek were as smooth and sharp as his voice as he called out to the constellations. He spoke with an unflinching resolve, untouchable, as if he were born to become a constellation himself. My chest tightened. Kim Dokja's beauty was devastating.
How could this foolish man not see himself as a worthy protagonist?
That feeling in my chest stretched, pulled taut, and snapped free. With that freedom came a rush of desire. I wanted him to feel deserving of care and admiration, I wanted him to know how incredible he was, and I wanted him to know love, my love—I wanted him. Painfully.
After all, Kim Dokja was made to be loved. But of course, it was a truth he himself had never known.
A screech, followed by a sword puncturing someone next to me, jolted me out of my stupor. Joonghyuk's eyebrows were pinched in anger as he pulled out his sword from the limp body,
"Are you stupid?" he barked.
I bit my cheek, unwilling to admit my folly. Sacred light activated and I struck down those that dared to come near. Sparks flew behind us as Dokja hacked away at the Absolute Throne until—
Its light was gone and the throne became an ordinary chair, splintered down the middle.
[The sub scenario has ended.]
A sharp, stifled noise of pain came from before the throne. Dokja clutched his chest and fell to his knees.
"Dokja!" My sword sputtered out as I ran to him.
His face was tight with pain, and I curled an arm around his waist for support as I wiped at the blood flowing from his mouth and nose. The rain made it hard to look up as I pleaded for the constellations to hurry and help like they were supposed to. Instead, Dokja's body convulsed from probability. Then his eyes started to vibrate, unseeing.
Panic flared in me like a wildfire.
Luck...it was like probability, right? Probability was more about the chance or likelihood of an event, but luck made that chance favorable, didn't it? I opened my 'Bank of Lady Fortune' account and pulled out one hundred.
[You have activated the skill 'Wire Transfer Lv. 1'.]
[Transfer 100 luck to incarnation 'Kim Dokja'?]
"Yes," I said desperately. It looked like Dokja's flesh was being lifted and torn from him in pieces as reality around him unraveled.
[Payment delivered. Applying luck to 'Kim Dokja'...]
And, just barely, Dokja felt stronger. The shaking became a little less violent and his eyes began to clear from eased pain.
Messages then collected like raindrops.
[The constellation 'Maritime War God' is looking at 'Kim Dokja'.]
[The constellation 'Bald General of Justice' is looking at 'Kim Dokja'.]
[The constellation 'One-eyed Maitreya' is looking at 'Kim Dokja'.]
[The constellation 'Slumbering Lady of Fine Brocade' is looking at 'Kim Dokja'.]...
On and on, Seoul's historical-grade constellations shared the cost of probability as they shined down on Dokja. His shape became rigid once more, and he wiped absently at his mouth.
The fourth scenario was forcibly ended. I scowled at the intermediate dokkaebi that gave Dokja one final threat before flashing away.
Our knees knocked together as I scooted closer, grabbing his hand from his lap. My smile felt like it would crack my face open with how hard it was. "Dokja—your first fable. You're the King of Kingless World."
His attention snapped on to me, like he'd just realized I was there.
"You helped me believe it was possible," he murmured slowly. I squeezed his hand in return. He was distracted as his other messages of accomplishment must have been rolling in.
But then something else happened.
[The constellation 'Demon-like Judge of Fire' is looking at you and 'Kim Dokja'.]
[Your sponsor '???' is looking at you and 'Kim Dokja'.]
My head spun at her sudden presence. It was good to see that Bihyung's filtering was working properly. Mother...have you come back to me? Can I talk to you once again?
[You have uncovered the possibility of a once-obscured story.]
[A new shared story is germinating within you!]
Shared...?
People yelled indignantly at our backs, disturbing the peace. Movement shifted under my hands.
Dokja looked at me like he was going to speak, then his gaze slid down my face. He leaned in closer, and I stilled. His hair brushed my cheek. A weight settled onto my shoulder as his head lolled with exhaustion.
Oh. He had passed out.
[A world with no kings? Let's try it. See how well you can survive without a focal point.]
I eyed the dokkaebi with contempt. This was the streamer, Paul. He wasn't someone I sought to draw attention from; I was much too eager to witness Dokja pummel him in the future.
One by one, people collapsed to the ground and vanished like smoke. Dokja became lighter in my arms, and I looked down to see him disappearing.
"Noonnn...a..."
"What is happen..." Then Heewon, too, vanished. A ping alerted me.
[The constellation '???' says that you are doing well.]
Doing well...Doing well...Doing well...
The unexpected praise rung loud in my head as I lost consciousness and was transported somewhere. That 'divide and conquer' attempt from the spiteful Paul.
Ah, damn. Now it was time to catch a squid.
Next part ->
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A/N: I know it doesn't quite make sense to be talking this much in an active battle like the original scene...but I had to get some of this conversational groundwork out before everyone splits up for a while in the next arc!
Also, I now have a fic playlist if anyone is interested.
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punksocks · 2 years ago
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Black Moon Lilith: And Your Untamable Femininity
*based on my experiences, please take this with a grain of salt
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Lilith herself is from Judeo mythology, she was Adam’s first wife but she saw herself as his equal and that didn’t work out too well so Lilith got banished and Eve replaced her. Because this comes from a traditionally patriarchal perspective, Lilith was too much of a seductress and an unfit woman so she literally was cast out and became a demon. (Side note: it’s so interesting that the stories all demonize Lilith but Eve had too much receiving feminine energy herself and received the devil’s instructions and ate from the forbidden tree. It’s a very damned if you’re too feminine and damned if you’re not feminine enough sort of myth)
Lilith aspecting your planets and your houses will often charge the native with almost Plutonian energy. Like imo Pluto and Neptune combined, because you’re charged with this dark feminine energy that’s the opposite of light/traditional feminine energy and on top of that people tend to project on to you based off of this energy. You bring a lot of people’s biases to light.
So Lilith charges the native with energy they need to “tame” in order to be considered proper feminine women. Lilith’s interpretations have expanded the more autonomy women have gained.
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Nowadays being being a naturally sultry woman is less shameful right? Well no. Never mind how progressive they may act, many people will expose their real behavior to that sort of energy. It really weeds out those who are actually well intentioned from those who aren’t. Even if you say that you want progress for all types of women you may not have done the internal work to become the person that truly acts that way. Do you actually respect women that carry that sexual/untraditional energy or are you only advocating for a traditional/untouchable feminine person?
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With friends, family, possible love interests, peers, and even strangers this question is act every time someone with heavy Lilith energy interacts with them. Because of how these relationships tend to go in a patriarchal society that encourages one kind of good femininity, Lilith natives often find themselves being “tamed” (i.e. shamed) for having this energy.
A lot of Lilith natives get ashamed growing up “not acting like proper women”. Because of that Lilith natives tend to try to force a version of themselves that fits this feminine mold. It often doesn’t work and just gives people the impression that you’re hiding something from them. Like you’re acting as a wolf in sheeps clothing when you’re just trying to exist the way they told you you have to and you cannot fully mute your energy to do so.
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Most interpretations of BM Lilith are of women/femmes/people reclaiming the power and alternative femininity they tried to stamp down for ages and embracing the often revealing effects that Lilith has for the shadow sides of other people. I think it’s no coincidence that interpreting Lilith as a more complex figure comes with waves of feminism and discourse around what femininity means exactly.
The real trick is balancing Lilith’s energy- being proud of the advantages and strength that can be found in her energy without being consumed by dark aspects of how her energy may manifest.
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Lilith in Aries/1st House: You’re fire and passionate incarnate. You stand out as a leader in any room you’re in with your confident aura. You were probably shamed for being head strong and impulsive. But your braveness and how you embrace yourself at your core is admirable. You need to tame your me first behavior, and to be careful not to bully and bulldoze others while still standing in your strength.
Lilith in Taurus/2nd House: You’re so sensual and tactile. You live for the pleasures of food and luxury, whatever your idea of luxury may be. You may have been shamed for being “lazy” but you can be very grounded and sensual. You have to tame your inner hedonist and make sure you don’t get too lost in worldly pleasures and that you don’t use others to achieve these ends. (Don’t swing to other extreme and deny yourself any pleasure either, you deserve to have a good life, just not to be consumed by having one.)
Lilith in Gemini/3rd House: You’re a charmer with wit to spare. You think about everything and analyze all of your thoughts on what is good and what is bad. You were probably shamed for how you spoke and what you spoke about in your youth. You have to tame your desire to be the smartest one in the room and the impulse to reject all learning. We all have to learn from some source that knew better before us, otherwise knowledge would be empty and cyclic. You’re not lesser if you do not know everything.
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Lilith in Cancer/4th House: You have an in depth relationship with your femininity. You may have grown up in an chaotic environment with family scandals and secrets and intense emotional dysfunction. You need to tame your desire for total emotional control over people in your life. Through your fear of feeling lonely you may have poor boundaries with others by way of doing too much and intern expecting too much emotional devotion/sacrifice. If you don’t manipulate others to be emotionally tied to you, you’ll open yourself up to genuine emotional connections and healing.
Lilith in Leo/5th House: You’re so fun and seductive. You’re a star that turns heads and knows how to have a good time. You were probably shamed for enjoying attention and affection you received in your youth and you could’ve been shamed for having crushes and such before you even began dating. You have to tame your desire to be the center of attention at all times and to escape away from the problems of life into frivolous affairs. (This another case of balance, which I’m finding a lot with fixed Lilith placements. Don’t run away from attention and close yourself off from affection either. It’s okay to receive attention and to enjoy it, the same with dating and healing and finding emotionally fulfilling relationships)
Lilith in Virgo/6th House: You’re a hard worker and a very efficient one at that. You rarely get enough credit for how many problems you solve and how many people you’ve saved with your smarts. You may have been shamed for being too uptight in your youth when no one was giving you any support to actually be able to relax. You have to tame your inner overworker. It’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to make a mistake, you work very hard but you’re human at the end of the day. It’s okay to take care of yourself. (And to be honest about your s*xual desires) Also watch out, your co-workers may not be trustworthy.
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Lilith in Libra/7th House: You’re a beauty and a radiant individual, and you probably have a lot of admirers. You may have suffered a lot of injustice/unfair experiences at certain stages of your life. You need to tame your desire for balancing everything. I’ll explain lol, you probably attract a lot of people that have extreme personalities and you pour a lot of energy into them in order to help balance them out. You may also become anxious or vindictive if you’re rejected romantically. It’s okay to understand where the line can be drawn and to understand that harmony cannot be brought to every person/situation, especially not through the efforts of one person alone. And that’s okay.
Lilith in Scorpio/8th House: You ooze s*x appeal and you probably have a mesmerizing presence. You have a very powerful energy. You were probably shamed for your interest in s*x/sensuality throughout your life. You need to tame your desire to escape from your emotions/trauma into your s*xuality. You also need to tame your tendencies to become obsessed with the taboo. (This needs to be balanced of course. You shouldn’t deny your s*xuality or your interest in the taboo. It takes a special type of person to explore these sorts of ideas. Just make sure it doesn’t consume your inner world.)
Lilith in Sagittarius/9th House: You’re a firecracker with a sense of adventure and a need for freedom on your own terms. You were probably shamed for being outspoken and questioning the institutions around you throughout your life (heavy emphasis on higher education and/or your family’s religion). You need to tame your need for freedom to a degree. If you have interest in traveling to certain places but a fear of becoming too attached to that place you should still go and have that experience. If you have an interest in a certain religion but you’re afraid of being trapped in that setting you should still learn about that religion. Institutions are old and carry their own hierarchies but they shouldn’t scare you away from exploration. (Be careful not to become obsessive either)
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Lilith in Capricorn/10th House: You’re a powerful person. You have a certain air about you that gives off dominant/authoritative energy. People in power tend to listen to you. But you were often shamed for having such a domineering presence, whether you were exerting power over others or they were just intimidated by the weight you held. You need to tame this desire for status and power and any urges to become cutthroat in order to social climb. I believe this is why this position can be prone to having a scandalous reputation. It’s important not to lose yourself to gain power because you’ll lose respect. (Saturn lessons bby)
Lilith in Aquarius/11th House: You’re the definition of a free spirit, you’re really a one of kind person in how you express yourself and your tastes. You could’ve been outcasted socially from a young age, and you may have dealt with bullies/groups turning against you. You need to tame your urge to disconnect from the humane. (Again it’s a lesson of balance, embracing what makes you unique and gives you your ability to think outside of the box, but also not going out of your way to socially detach from all people to the point of embracing truly bizzaro behaviors just to feel that freedom.)
Lilith in Pisces/12th House: You are a person with a deeply ethereal sense about you. You tend to ride the line between the hidden and the mundane in all things you experience. It’s the hardest placement to pinpoint where you were shamed exactly, it probably has to deal with your receptive energy and your sensitivity to other energies outside of yourself, and due to your conscious or subconscious experiences you carry effects of this negativity. You must tame you natural inclination to drift, to detach and separate yourself in an effort to escape. You must balance your understanding and acceptance of the spiritual and the internal with your experiences in the world in order to not be lost to the tumultuousness of this placement. (also stay empathetic but prioritize taking care of your mental health)
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aspdculture-is · 3 months ago
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please take this with a grain of salt because this comes from someone who likely does not have ASPD, but who does have some ASPD traits along with having NPD and having either BPD or BPD traits (+ also has a friend with ASPD who I've discussed many of those with).
But, re:
Anonymous asked: Hi, I want to learn more about ASPD and how it is experienced by individuals because I know media portrayals have been awful but just wondering - are there any fictional characters who display aspd traits in as realistic a manner as possible? Thanks!
imo (+ in some other people's opinions), here are some characters that have some realistic ASPD traits, in no particular order:
(disclaimer: the quality of the representations is always debatable and exactly how good or how bad/ableist the rep is may be subjective and depends on the viewpoints and experiences of each individual)
Bibi Reden from I Love Amy (protagonist, healthy growth ending, without unrealistically losing her aspd traits or such. low-masking, except when she wants to be manipulative, which is often. by the end, she gets into a romantic relationship that grows in a healthy direction with a girl. identified as a 'yandere', but very much seems to be written and characterized with ASPD in mind. definitely a sympathetic portrayal that also touches in sanism and such. also has BPD traits.)
Sera Himeura from ib: instant bullet (not the protag, but one of the major characters. parents loved her, but was neurodivergent by genetics. hero complex, strong superficial desire to become justice/heroic. very heavily implied to have ASPD. very sympathetic portrayal. internalized sanism. tries to be a "hero" but ultimately believes herself to be inherent "evil" due to her moral values being determined by popular media with neurotypical-centric ideas of heroism, which contrasts too much with her natural lack of empathy, total inability to feel grief, atypical destructive & sadistic tendencies, etc.)
Ivan from ALNST (uhhhhh it's very easy to find information on him online but tldr: heavily ASPD-coded, stems from childhood trauma from growing in the slums, high-masking. definitely sympathetic, and not a villain, antagonist, or demonized character. has internalized sanism.)
Alina Gray from Magia Record (low-masking/no-masking case. 'crazy artist' trope but sort of subverted/expanded on. sometimes very much villainous, sometimes antagonistic, but you mainly want to read/watch her personal stories for this in which she is the protagonist and sympathetic. still def ProblematicTM rep just in case anyone would prefer to avoid those.)
other, more questionable or more minor reps:
Bing an Ben's protagonist (and another major character, though that is a major spoiler) suffers from a fictional rare-case psychiatric disorder that gives him various things including ASPD traits (and/or he develops either ASPD or ASPD traits due to childhood trauma caused by his having of that fictional disorder). the rare condition causes him to be subjected to extreme medical & societal ableism and sanism ever since he was born, and from a very young age he lives his life by trying extremely hard to perfectly mask 24/7 everywhere, fully knowing the very moment his mask slips and the world sees him for what he is (a "lunatic"/"madman") is the very moment he loses all his rights to being viewed as a "person" and a "human being" in the eyes of the sanist ableist world. indeed, his story/character deals a lot with the sanist utter demonization & dehumanization faced by people considered "insane" by society. [Also, he definitely has BPD as well.] He's 100% written very sympathetically, but also he is ABSOLUTELY a very, very ProblematicTM fave, judging by what he does in the novel, and the same goes for the romance in Bing an Ben. Please take note of all the content warnings for this novel if you are going to read it. In any case, he is protagonist and focus character, with a happy ending where he gets together with the man he loves.
this definitely isn't a major example for ASPD, but Kaguya-sama's title character & female lead Kaguya has what seems to be OSDD-1a, and while I'm not sure she necessarily has ASPD, she definitely has some ASPD traits (& BPD traits possibly?) that shows the most when one of her alters is fronting. both/all come from her childhood trauma. internalized sanism, feels like a fundamentally bad/wrong person for being abnormal -- very low empathy especially at young age, inability to properly feel grief. hates herself for not knowing how to Do things the way everyone else seems to do, without scheming plotting and manipulating, etc. [Also, the male lead/her love interest is really NPD-coded (he doesn't seem to lack empathy, but otherwise he's got all sorts of NPD traits. a very rare depiction of a 'ConventionallyTM Morally Good' narcissist in media tbh, which is refreshing to see)! they're both totally sympathetic non-villainous protagonists of the story (with a happy ending) and their story is very good and, like, simply incredibly neurodivergent in it's very premise imo]
other than that I've heard people say this about Sherlock Holmes (the original canon) too? Which. Yeah I can see it!
there may be more that I'm forgetting at the moment, but here are the instances I can think of offhand! hope this is of use or interest to someone. personally I do like all of those media a lot and would be glad if this could prompt anyone to check them out
^^^^
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maxdibert · 1 month ago
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I truly don't get why Rowling decided to expand the magic universe with so little care put into it, like the think with the schools and the Native American's magic being "lesser" than the European because they didn't use wands. Even with the witch hunts in Europe she did a terrible job
But then I think about it and I don't really know how I would have treated it either. What's better? Trying to rewrite real events and risking making horrible implications? Or ignore the outside world, leaving the story as a British centric fantasy with its own problems?
What do you think?
There are so many stories out there that handle fantasy, witchcraft, demons, or vampires—and even magical lore itself—in a much more grounded and realistic way than Rowling ever did. Like, how are we supposed to take the Statute of Secrecy seriously when you consider how closely tied magic, paganism, and superstition are to the daily lives and cultural practices of many countries? Rowling’s approach is incredibly colonial and Eurocentric.
There are entire cultures where magic or spiritual rituals are woven into everyday life. Where exactly do santeros fit into her lore? Or people who practice pagan rites, witchcraft, love spells, folk magic, etc.? How does she have the nerve to imply that a worldwide statute of secrecy could exist when in many places, magic—or at least spiritual and magical practices—are completely normalized and culturally integrated?
And the justification she gives for the statute is absurd, it’s based on witch hunts, which are a specifically European (and later colonial) phenomenon. In pre-colonial America, in Africa, and across much of Asia, there was no such widespread concept. It’s entirely Eurocentric.
Honestly, it would’ve made far more sense if she had just said that European wizards were colonizers too, and forced their systems onto other magical societies at wandpoint. But then she would’ve had to build a magical world riddled with real inequalities and complex social dynamics and her neat little dichotomy of absolute good vs. evil (embodied, let’s be real, by a bunch of wealthy white Europeans) would have fallen apart.
The thing is, the lore worked fine for a simple kids’ or teen story. But then she tried to expand a world that was built in black-and-white terms—one that lacked nuance—and she did it beyond what she understood or was even willing to research. And, of course, she did it for the same reason she does everything else: money. And the result was a total mess.
Same with the whole setup she invented for the U.S. wizarding world, it’s completely ridiculous that US magical society would follow the exact same British structure, especially considering how different the U.S. is culturally, historically, and politically. But hey, nuance was never her strong suit.
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fangsandfracturedhearts · 2 years ago
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Fangs and Fractured Hearts
Chapter 5: Rebellion
Summary: After embracing eternity as a vampire spawn under Astarion's wing, the Crimson Palace becomes a haunting symbol of the man he once was. As his personality unravels into a dark abyss, you flee. A year of hardship unveils the harsh reality of existence as a vampire spawn.
Just as all hope seems lost, a twist of fate reunites you with Astarion, revealing a glimmer of hope amidst the shadows. As you navigate the complexities of your relationship, you must confront the unsettling truth behind the Rite of Profane Ascension and the devilish secrets it holds.
In a race against time, you embark on a daring quest to save Astarion from his descent into darkness. With each choice you make, the stakes grow higher, testing the limits of your courage and determination.
Will Astarion find redemption, or is he destined to succumb to his own inner turmoil?
Word Count: 5.8K
Pairing: Ascended Astarion x female!Tav Spawn
Warnings: [Will try to continue to add more, but in general expect explicit content for mature audiences]
Possible spoilers. Eventual Explicit Content. Slow Burn. Thoughts of Suicide. Violence. Blood. Injury. Mature Content. Self-Harm.
If you notice a very critical tag missing, please don't hesitate to let me know
Rating: Explicit 18+ - [Meant For Mature Audience}
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Run?
Your stilled heart may not be able to beat any longer, but all-consuming fear still afflicts your battered body. You feel the familiar prickling sensation of adrenaline expanding outward from your constricting chest like a glassy lake disturbed by a thrown stone. All your hair stands on end as you think about the approaching dawn.
Staring into the icebound pools of Astarion’s scarlet eyes, you think about everything he has stolen from you - your life, your body, your soul, your love, your loyalty, your freedom.
He has taken everything from me.
Your voice shakes, “The sun can’t harm me if you’re near.”
“How certain are you that I don’t control that lovely little benefit?”
“Do you?”
One of his eyebrows pulls down hauntingly, “Perhaps I do. Perhaps I don’t. Are you willing to risk your life on it, pet?”
“Yes.”
“What about dear Shadowheart’s life? I would give her a very warm bloody welcome when she comes looking for you.”
Shadowheart.
“I won’t let you touch her.”
“If you’re a pile of ash on my front step, I don’t see you having much choice in the matter, darling, but you’re welcome to loiter out here all you like.”
Astarion turns his back on you. You seethe with a noxious loathing - for yourself, him, and the mess you’ve dragged your friends into. A deep rage you have kept caged for too long finally breaks free of its prison.
With a bellowing roar, you lash out at him, casting Telekinesis and hauling him off his feet, throwing him across the courtyard.
His body impacts a stone statue with a thud, shattering it into rubble. The ground greets his body with such force that he bounces off it.
What have I done?
His muscles tense, and he shifts his body, using the momentum to easily roll back onto his feet. A weeping gash on his forehead causes blood to stream down his face, streaking it with vicious red to match his eyes.
“You’ll pay for that.”
I know.
His reflexes might be like liquid lightning, but you’re not some feeble halfwit. Even though you’re not sure it will hold him, you cast Hold Person on him, catching him off guard. You see his frame flicker slightly as he tries to turn himself into mist, but your magic is strong, fuelled by your rage.
Shadowheart.
You have a choice - you can hold your ground against him as long as possible and allow either the sun or him to end you, or you can try to make it home before sunrise. He may follow and hunt you down like a rabid animal that needs exterminating, but either way, your fate remains the same.
Gale. Shadowheart. I have to try.
You pivot and force your body to move forward as fast as you can. Feeding off your rage, hatred, and all the devastated pieces of your broken heart, you run.
You dash over fences, skip across roofs, pull on every ounce of magic your body can contain and Misty Step until you’re not sure whether you’re mist or corporeal from one moment to the next. You push forward erratically, skittering towards home.
You don’t look back. If Astarion follows, you don’t want to know. You already know the fate that awaits should he choose it.
Your muscles twitch and cramp woefully with over-exertion as you draw closer. The stars no longer shine in the sky as they are snuffed out by the quickly rising light of dawn, but you can see the little house just up ahead.
I’m so close.
As the first light starts to break over the horizon, you throw the old wooden door open, throwing yourself to safety inside, slamming it shut.
Backing away from the door, you wait pensively, wondering if Astarion will burst through at any moment to make you pay for what you’ve done. You watch that door with a fixed, heated glower for hours, but nothing happens.
You go up to your bedroom and sink to your knees on the ground. Without the swarming fervour of hatred to dull the aching of your heart, you fall to pieces.
He really is gone, isn’t he?  
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The spasming pain in your stomach cleaves at you, awakening you from the troubled trance you slipped into. Your arms curl around your midsection, trying to stifle the recurrent waves of convulsing pain rocketing through you.
I need to eat. Badly.
You have to force your starving body to move forward. Your muscles cramp and jerk out of your control. Each step has to be taken with purpose and effort as you try to control your writhing body.
The journey is agonizing and takes you longer than it should. When you finally reach the forest, you’re already exhausted. You fill your useless lungs with air they don’t need in an instinctive sharp inhale.
Another spasm in your unruly limbs causes you to stumble. You catch yourself on a tree and rest your forehead against the rough bark, squeezing your eyes shut so tightly that the muscles of your face ache.
“There you are, little love. I’ve been waiting.”
You groan at the velvety smooth voice and force your eyes to open, casting them toward it. Astarion is standing on the other side of the small clearing.
Dressed in black, he melts into the shadows like an apparition. His clothing is reminiscent of what he wore the first night at camp after the crash, and you curse at him inwardly for wearing something that reminds you of old times.
You push yourself away from the tree and try to stand tall, but the cramping in your stomach persists, and you lurch over awkwardly.
“What the fuck do you want.”
“To talk.”
You scoff, “I have nothing to say to you.”
Astarion starts to walk towards you, and you grasp at the weave. Using Telekinesis, you throw him backwards, off his feet. He skids harshly across the moss-covered ground.
Once again, using the momentum, he tucks and rolls onto his feet, righting himself, “I’m not here to hurt you.”
Yeah, right.
“If you come anywhere near me, I will burn you with every ounce of magic I have!”
Will I?
He starts towards you again, but before you can cast anything, he shifts into mist and rapidly reappears behind you. Terrified, you turn, ready to defend yourself against whatever horror he is going to inflict.
You might be fast, but he will always be faster. He effortlessly grabs your hands and forces them together, rendering you unable to cast. You struggle against him furiously, but he easily overpowers you, barely wavering.
He snarls, “Why do you insist on making me treat you in this manner? Why do you fight me at every turn?!”
Make him?
You break into venomous, hysterical laughter, and his eyes widen in shock.
“No one can make you do anything anymore, Astarion. What you do and who you are - those are your choices to make. You have no one but yourself to blame for any atrocities you commit and your shitty behaviour.”
His eyes soften, “You’re right, which is why I need to speak with you.”
Wait...  
I’m right?
No.
Don’t fall for this again.
“Did you not hear me? I want nothing to do with you!”
He sighs, “I understand. If you wish, I will leave Baldur’s Gate and never return. You will never have to see me again, but you must hear me out first.”
… What?
“I’m going to let your hands go now. Are you planning on attacking me some more, or will you listen?”
“Let go and find out.”
He chuckles, “Fiery as ever, my dear.”
Astarion releases his hold on you and puts his hands up in an innocent gesture, backing away from you slowly.
You watch him through narrowed eyes as he retreats. You position yourself in a defensive stance. A fireball blooming in your palm, and your fangs bared.
“What is this, Astarion? What kind of sick trick are you playing now?”
“No tricks. No games. Please, hear me out, but allow me to get you some food first.”
“You want to feed me?”
He nods, “It will allow you to think clearer. I can see you’re in pain…”
He pities me, but Gods, I am so hungry.
“No, thank you. The last time I accepted your help, it nearly got me turned into a pile of ash.”
His crimson eyes look at you sadly, downturned at the corners, “Let me help you. Please.”
Starving.
“Fine.”
“Excellent. Perhaps you should stay put. You are likely to scare everything away. Do you have a preference? Deer, boar, bear… Kobold?”
What the fuck is happening right now.
You wave a hand at him in dismissal, “It doesn’t matter. Blood is blood.”
Astarion vanishes somewhere into the thickly treed forest, leaving you with your thoughts. Your mind is reeling, confused, and unsettled. Your nerves buzz, your skin feels like it’s crawling, and you have no doubt that if your stilled heart could beat, it would be throwing itself around your chest, trying to break your ribs.
What part of the nine Hells have I fallen into?
Astarion returns quickly, and you consider for a moment if he may have poisoned the animal, but what do you have to lose at this point?
Once you finish your four-legged feast, you stare at him, observing his behaviour. He stands with his arms crossed, leaning against a tree, looking exceptionally pensive. His cardinal red eyes dart rapidly, never focusing on anything in particular.
He looks… anxious, scared even.
“Are you going to tell me what this is all about now?”
He jolts out of his thoughts, “Yes, of course. Do you feel better?”
Gods, yes.
You could almost moan at how relieved you feel - clear-headed, strong, no more gut-wrenching pain, turning your insides to mincemeat. Your muscles have stopped their relentless, painful spasming and are finally under your control again.
You might hug him simply for this feeling alone, but you lock your knees and keep your feet firmly planted.
“I feel fine. Tell me what you want.”
Astarion shifts away from the tree he’s been leaning against and steps toward you. You take several steps back, instantly lowering your centre of gravity protectively, and fire sparks to life in your hands.
He stops, a dismal expression on his face, “You’re afraid of me.”
“Observant, as always.”
Afraid doesn’t begin to cover it.
“What I did to you… What I’ve done to you… I… I abhor myself for it.”
You scoff, “Which part?”
“All of it.”
You stand there clinging to your fire for comfort. Your mouth is dropped open in astonishment. You observe his features keenly. His crimson eyes are downcast and glassed over, melancholic remorse shining brightly in the waxy moonlight.
His shoulders are slumped. His demeanour reminds you of the night he tried to bite you in your sleep, and you awoke to him hovering over you, fangs bared.
What can I even say to this?
He drags his fingers through the highlighted silver curls of his hair, “I feel different after the ritual. Something in me is… broken. I am not myself.”
No shit.
He looks at you with frightened, round eyes, “I don’t want to be this way, this person, but the power…” He looks at his hands as they ball into fists and clenches his bared teeth, “It corrupts, and I lose myself in it.”
“Why are you telling me all of this?”
“I need your help.”
“You want my help? After you threatened to kill me?” You shake your head, “What kind of morbid trick is this, Astarion? What games are you trying to amuse yourself with now?”
“No games, my love.”
My love?
Am I actually considering this?
Have I gone completely mad?
Tightness coils like a spring constricting your chest, and you let the fire burning in your palm retreat, “How can I ever trust you again? How can I know if this is real?”
Astarion comes closer with slow, deliberate steps, “You can cast Detect Thoughts, no?”
“Yes, you know that. You’ve seen me use it countless times. Why?”
“Cast it.”
“What?”
“You need to know this is not a trick, and I can hardly blame you. Cast, darling. Tell me what you see.”
Astarion continues his slow advance toward you. The one good thing about being dead and having no heartbeat is that he can’t tell how scared you are. You hold your ground with a rigid stance, muscles tight and ready to react at a moment's notice.
He searches your face, looking deeply into your eyes, “They never did completely change colour, did they? Your eyes, I mean.”
All of your friends had remarked that although your eyes did take on the red hue of his, your irises held splotches and slivers where your original eye colour was still visible. You wonder what it must look like, but your face will forever be just a memory until one day it too fades.
“I wouldn’t know. I have no reflection anymore.”
“I’ve taken much from you.”
My love. My passion. My life.
Astarion hand trails down your arm to your wrist before turning your palm up and kissing it softly, “Cast, love.”
Do I want to do this?
You shouldn’t even be humouring him; you should be asking him to leave the city as he said he would, but there’s something in his voice, in the way he moves, and in his eyes that you recognize, and it tugs at your inherent intuition. You grit your teeth and cast.
My Astarion… If there’s even a small chance, I have to take it.
“What do you see?”
“Nothing. I haven’t used it.”
“Why?”
“I’m afraid of what I might see, hear.”
He chuckles, “Me too.”
You delve into his mind. There is so much noise in his head that it makes it hard to focus on any one thought, and you struggle with isolating them. The cacophonous commotion maims your conscious mind and makes you want to yelp.
Shaking your head, you try to stifle the throbbing pain between your ears, “You need to settle your mind, Astarion.”
“How?”
“Focus on something that calms you.”
“Okay,” Astarion anchors his eyes on you, “try again.”
The chaotic mess of his mind batters yours as you try to focus yourself from one thought to the next. You manage to catch snippets here and there, but nothing concrete, nothing that can tell you if this is a trick, game or some other form of callous manipulation.
“Not calm enough, Astarion.”
“Is everyone's mind like that?”
“No one’s mind is like that. At least no one I’ve done this to. Thoughts are usually coherent and fluid like a slow stream slipping into a bigger river, but yours are chaotic, loud, like a raging storm.”
Although this certainly sheds some light on his erratic behaviour.
“What now?”
This might not be my brightest idea.
“I have an idea, but you might not like it.”
He narrows his eyes at you, “Well, what is it?”
You take a deep breath and exhale slowly, trying to calm the fear curdling in your stomach. Closing the distance between you, your lips meet his tenderly.
He’s shocked for a moment, and you wonder if you overstepped, but his arm comes around you, pulling your body flush against his. He deepens the kiss with a low moan.
Now, the hard part is trying to keep enough of your mind off this moment to be able to read his thoughts accurately.
You once again focus your spell. The blaring white noise that had obstructed and retaliated against your intrusion slowly drops to a low murmur in the background.
His thoughts start to form coherently, and you follow the meandering stream. You can hear them now, as long as you don’t allow yourself to get too lost in him.
A challenge all on its own.
There’s something different about his thoughts compared to others’ minds you’ve read. He’s in there, but there’s something else, something sinister that chants malice, hatred, and corruption. It grasps at and infects his thoughts as they flow, polluting them.
You can hear his thoughts as they drift.
“What have I become?”
“Who am I?”
“Help me.”
He’s not lying.
Having heard enough to get answers, you allow the spell to wane. You intend to break the kiss, but his mouth on yours feels divine. He hasn’t kissed you with this much passion since the night he turned you, and you soak into it and immerse yourself in him.
I have to stop this, but Gods, I don’t want to.
His tongue trails along your lower lip, sending spiralling shivers running down your spine, and you gasp, parting your lips for him. He explores your mouth skillfully, tasting you, and a growl reverberates in his chest. Feverish need washes through you in a deluge and pools hot in your stomach.
You push yourself further into him, trailing your hands greedily up the smooth contours of his body. His thumb sweeps affectionately across your cheek. He is the center of your universe, and you can’t help but be pulled into him. Your yearning desire swells between your thighs, and you sigh against him at the throbbing ache, begging for him to relieve it.
You can feel your rationality start to slip away from you as you gravitate towards him helplessly.
Reluctantly, you push him away, with a panting breath, “Stop.”
He groans but releases you immediately, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to-”
Shaking your head, you hold your hand up to stop him. This wasn’t his fault. You had initiated it in the first place and allowed it to go on far longer than you should have. Your lips still tingle with the phantom feeling of his urging mouth, and you crave more.
His sultry gaze penetrates you, “I did very much enjoy that idea.”
Me too.
“You’re not lying, as far as I can tell, but I still don’t know what you think I can do for you.”
“You’re the only one that will stand up to me. Well, that I know I won’t kill anyway.”
“I’m not so sure about that.”
His eyebrows round, and his mouth drops open, “You think I will kill you?”
“Yes. I think you might. You’re certainly more than capable of it.”
“I…” Surprise dances across his features, “I would never.”
You scowl at him, “You almost did.”
“Darling, I was right behind you the entire time, just out of sight. I would never have let you burn.”
Was he?
“Oh, I see. So, you just, what? Enjoy seeing me running for my life, terrified? I hope you enjoyed the show.”
“I don’t enjoy it, but I feel… compelled to do it like something takes over, and I’m out of control…” he sighs, “again.”
“I don’t know if I can save you from yourself, Astarion.”
His eyes fall to the ground, full of sorrow and fear, and your heart breaks for him.
“I… I understand.”
“But I will try.”
I have to.
“You will?”
What do I have to lose?
Reflexively, you take a deep breath and nod, “Yes.”
Astarion takes your hand in his, “Thank you.” He smiles, “Will you move back into the palace?”
You pull away from him, “I have to think about it, Astarion. I need time to process…. Whatever this is.”
“Yes, of course. That’s eminently reasonable. Shall we discuss your terms tomorrow night?”
Another transaction for my help. Lovely.
“Fine. Until tomorrow, then. Goodnight.”
“Goodnight, my treasure.”  
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You sit in the stark chair by the fireplace in the empty house you share with Shadowheart and Gale. Anxiety prickles your skin and ripples through your thoughts.
Am I falling for another trap?
Agreeing to help him may prove to be your undoing, but when have you ever been able to resist him when he’s pleading for your help? It’s what got you into this mess in the first place - isn’t it? If the ritual did cause this change in him, you can’t help but feel it’s your fault.
It sounded like he was still in there. If he is, how do you save someone from their own corrupted thoughts?
Tears slip down your cheeks, and you bring your knees to your chest. The fire wanes in the fireplace as it runs out of fuel, and you allow it to die like you allowed Astarion to take your life. As the fire burns out, it washes you in darkness. You wish Shadowheart were here to try and talk you out of the stupidity you’ve just agreed to.
Can I even be talked out of it?
You have always been headstrong, likely to your own detriment at times. You preserve where others balk. That resilience had carried you through after escaping the Nautiloid, but could it carry you through this?
The hectic cacophony of Astarion’s mind makes you shudder. You’ve listened in on the thoughts of countless people and never encountered anything similar. It had been like watching a crystal-clear stream slip through a contaminated bog, turning it into a gelatinous, toxic soup.
Could the ritual have caused that? 
There was no way to know for sure. You had never listened to his thoughts before. Even when you had the tadpole, you never forced your way into any of your friends’ heads out of respect for them and their privacy. The only times you had crossed those boundaries was when the tadpole resonated with his out of your control.
Going to your room, you crawl into your bed. The wooden walls creak and groan eerily around you as if the ghosts of the 7000 souls you condemned were haunting you. You let your consciousness glide into the meditative tranquillity of your trance. 
You awake when the shadows have devoured the light again. Slipping into a tightly fitting robe, you bolster yourself for what’s to come. You run a comb through your hair and adorn your favourite circlet. The metal is delicately shaped in prancing dragons, and a shining red gem hangs low on your forehead.
A knock on the door makes you twitch slightly, though you already know who it is. Astarion is waiting when you open it, leaning against the doorframe, handsomely bathed in the small beams of pale light that slip through the parting clouds covering the inky sky.
He’s dressed in a fancy red and black jacket with silver and gold piping and finely embroidered. His scarlet eyes are vibrant, dazzling you.
“Hello, little love. Are you ready to discuss?”
Am I?
“Yes. We can talk.”
“Where are Shadowheart and Gale?”
“Not here.” You leer a warning at him, “Stay away from them.”
His eyes cast down, “Do you truly think I am such a monster that I would hurt them?”
“I don’t know who or what you are anymore.”
He shakes his head with a sigh, “Neither do I sometimes, my dear. Shall we get you something to eat before we talk?”
“You’re not dressed for hunting.”
He chuckles, “I may be a tad overdressed. I came from a business meeting.”
Business meeting?  
“Come, let’s go get you some food.”
You and Astarion walk to the forest in uneasy silence. A low fog covers the ground in an eerie, chalky mist. You keep a tight grasp on your magic, ready to cast at a moment's notice.
Astarion may seem different, but you’re not entirely sure if you can trust him. Part of you thinks this is all just another manipulation, and you’re walking straight into it.
The lovesick hero… Gods, he couldn’t have been more right.
“Do you always stomp so loudly when you’re hunting?”
You scoff, “I am not a hunter, Astarion.”
“Yes, that’s evident. How did you keep yourself fed?”
You shake your head, abject, “I didn’t. Not well, at least.”
Astarion strips himself of his jacket and shirt once he’s surmised you’re deeply enough into the forest. His pallid skin makes him appear almost ghost-like in the washed-out glow of the diffuse beams of light that flicker, cast from the full moon glowing brightly behind the clouds. His muscles appear as though they have been etched from stone by a master mason.
Fuck.
He looks ethereal in this moment, and you can’t pry your eyes away from him.
“Enjoying the view, precious thing?”
“Yes, the forest is beautiful tonight.” You cast your eyes upward before meeting his with a taunting glare, “I could take or leave your body.”
“Oh,” he giggles, “feeling bold tonight, I see.”
This feels too much like before he usurped the Rite of Profane Ascension, making you restless. You fidget with your hands and shift uncomfortably on your feet. Your palms are still warm, prepared to cast, just in case he turns on you like he has so many times.
“We can talk about what’s bothering you if you wish.”
You didn’t even notice him walk over. Astarion stands in front of you. His eyebrow is cocked, and he eyes you acutely with a probing gaze.
“No. I’m fine.”
“Stay put, and do try not to move about too much. You scare away the animals.”
You roll your eyes at him, “I’m well aware of my inadequacies, thank you.”
Just like the night before, Astarion returns promptly with your dinner. He redresses himself while you eat, and you mourn the loss of that mouthwatering sight.
Get ahold of yourself.
“Where would you like to talk? I presume you have… demands.”
“The palace is fine as long as you don’t currently have any… guests. ”
“Guests?” He cocks a brow at you, confused.
“Your new lover. Whatever her name is.”
“Oh…” He shakes his head, “It’s not what you think, my dear. We will discuss it.”
Not what I think? She basically told me as much.
Once you hit the city streets leading to the palace, you are overwhelmed by all the people outside, even at this late hour. They smell like prey, and even though you just ate, that hunger is insatiable. You could likely eat every person in this city and still not quench that sanguine thirst.
Their hearts beat lazily in their chests as they mull about, and it’s the only thing you can hear. You grimace and grit your teeth, trying to stay in control of the bloodlust that consumes you.
Astarion notices your unease. He had spent two centuries with it, after all.
“Hold my hand, little love. I’ll keep you safe and them.”
He holds his hand out to you, and you look at it tentatively, unsure if you should take it. A child runs past you, chasing his friends, laughing hysterically, and you grab Astarion’s hand in a death grip. You clamber and hug tightly to his side as you fight the urge to chase the gleefully playing children.
Gods, what have I become? 
“Eyes on me, darling. You’re alright.”
“Astarion, I can’t.” Your voice is panicked, pleading, “I need to get out of here before I kill someone.”
He nods and looks around, “Do you see that rooftop?”
“Yes.”
“Can you make it up there?”
You nod, “Yes.”
“Go.”
You cast Misty Step and disperse into a fog, reappearing on the rooftop. Astarion is already there waiting for you, no doubt turning himself into mist as he had done in the forest to subdue you. He holds out his hand again, and this time, you take it gratefully. Despite the fear he has instilled in you, there is solace in his touch as there always was.
Astarion leads you over rooftops, jumping from section to section and catching you when you inevitably nearly fall. The breeze up here is unhindered by obstacles and remains fresh and mostly void of the smell of the living, allowing you to calm your raving mind.
Walking into the palace courtyard, you eye the statue you had thrown him through in your rage just a few nights prior.
So much can change so quickly.
The square base of the statue remains largely intact, but the rest of the marbled-grey figure lies in large, jagged pieces strewn haphazardly on the ground.
Astarion follows your gaze and smirks, “I didn’t like it much anyway.”
You follow him into a large, lavish sitting room, obviously meant to occupy the spawns’ guests before Cazador came for them. Looking around the dim, dreary palace, you shudder.
I hate this place.
“Darling, do you mind?”
“What?”
He points at the fireplace, “Would you be so kind?”
With the flick of your wrist, fire springs to life, igniting the kindling and logs, crackling and popping. A soft, tawny glow casts across the room. The tacky paintings and art he hated still embellish the walls, and the furniture remains the same.
Why has he not changed any of this?
He sits down and watches as you glide through the room, inspecting it. You finally shake your head and bring yourself back to the matter at hand.
Let’s get this over with.
“I have stipulations.”
He chuckles, “I would not have expected any less.”
“I don’t want to live in this horrid place.”
He waves his hand dismissively, “This is my home.”
“It’s not mine. Let me be perfectly clear - I will not live here.”
He sighs, “Alright, but please tell me you are not asking me to move back in with Shadowheart and Gale?”
“Absolutely not. I don’t want you anywhere near them.”
“I will purchase another then.”
“I don’t want to see your lover. If you must be with her, you can go elsewhere. Return to this palace for all I care as long as I don’t have to see her and you together.”
“It upsets you.”
Your anger flares, the fire in the fireplace pulses and sputters along with it, “Yes, it fucking upsets me. Does that make you happy?”
He stands and walks over to you. You cross your arms over your body and keep your eyes off him, not wanting him to see just how much it breaks you.
Astarion uses his fingers to gently bring your eyes up to his, “Why does it upset you so?”
You scoff at him, “That’s a stupid question.”
“Be a dear and humour my stupidity then.”
“You wouldn’t even touch me after you turned me into… this. You barely laid a finger on me.”
His eyebrows knit together, “Did you want me to?”
“… Yes.”
“Why didn’t you say something?”
I wanted you to want me...
“It hardly matters now. Let’s move on.”
“I’d rather like to know why you care so much about the, what did you call her?” He cocks his head, eyes upcast, “Ah yes, my “purple-haired hussy.” You left me, remember?”
“You didn’t give me a choice. It was either run or be ruined by you, but I don’t wish to drudge this up. Let’s move on.”
He grabs your robe aggressively, tugging you close to him with a threatening sneer, “I said tell me.”
Well, that didn’t last long, did it?
Here goes nothing.
Reaching up, you grab one of his fists holding you, and you burn him. He winces, recoils and throws you to the floor.
“You little shit!”
“Stop listening to whatever is whispering to you in your head, Astarion.”
I need to snap him out of this, but how?
Your words in the forest float through your head, “Focus on something that calms you.”
Me… He anchored himself with me…
In a swift motion, you throw yourself up and wrap your arms around him in a tight embrace, “Don’t let it win.”
He growls menacingly, and you squeeze him tighter. Your whole body is trembling, terror-stricken, and you clench your jaw hard and wait for whatever comes next.
He’s either going to throw me off, kill me, or….
Astarion stills. His muscles flex and relax chaotically. You look up at him, and his eyes are tightly shut with his teeth grit together so harshly they rasp sickeningly. The tendons in his neck jut out unnaturally. His hands are balled into fists at his side. You reach up and cradle his face, and he snarls threateningly, but you sweep your thumb across his cheek.
“Hey, eyes on me, Astarion.” You echo his words from earlier when he had saved you from your own morbid, intrusive thoughts.
His eyes open slowly and meet yours, “Easy now. You’ve got this.”
Quiet minutes tick by without a word from either of you. You watch the war raging inside him through his eyes. They flash from cold and dead to the crimson warmth you recognize and back again while he battles with himself.
With a slight shake of his head, his whole body relaxes instantly, and his eyes warm again.
“I… I apologize. I…”
“Lost yourself, I know.”
He pushes you back and looks you up and down, “Are you hurt?”
“No, you didn’t hurt me, but I burnt you. Apologies.”
He looks at the reddened marking on his pale hand, “Think nothing of it. I heal quickly.”
“Yes, I’m well aware.”
Astarion’s eyes look at the floor, ashamed of himself, “Are you going to leave? I’ll take you home if you wish.”
“No. I believe we still have terms to discuss.”
“You’re still going to help me?”
You smile, “Always.”
“You truly are full of surprises, aren’t you?”
His confession at Moonrise rings through your mind. The memory is overlayed in sorrow, and your chest clenches tightly, remembering his words, “I want us to be something real.” 
You thrust the thought away as quickly as it reared up, “Are you okay now, or do you need a moment?”
“No. I’m fine. We can continue with your demands. You will not live here, no lovers, what else?” He smirks, “You are a particularly demanding little thing tonight.”
“You need to teach me how to hunt so I can feed myself.”
“We’ve swayed to this particular song already, love. Don’t you remember?”
“Yes, I remember. I will endeavour to be a better pupil this time.”
He chuckles, “You may get the hang of it in a century or two or three. Fine. I will do my best to educate you. Anything else?”
“When this is over, I want my freedom. I know you won’t turn me into a True Vampire, but I want to be free to decide my fate.”
“Why do you think I won’t?”
“You told me as much. “Trust me, it doesn’t happen.” After you turned me, I was too blinded to realize you were saying what I wanted to hear in honeyed lies. I am not so naive anymore."
He scowls but takes a deep breath, “Then you will have it, my dear.” 
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Big thank you to everyone who takes the time to read/follow/like/reblog/comment/etc. I'm honoured to know you're enjoying reading my fics!
I'm sorry this chapter took awhile to come out - I've rewritten it so many times I've lost count, so I hope you like it!
Master List of Chapters: Fangs and Fractured Hearts
If you're interested I write another fic with Spawn Astarion x Tav called - Shadows of the Past
AO3 [Crossposted]
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transmutationisms · 5 months ago
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saw that you rated sharp objects 2 and half stars on letterboxd - what did you think of it? personally i enjoyed the book but i found the miniseries really annoying and mid for a number of reasons.
yeah i'm not a huge fan of gillian flynn in general -- i thought the relationships between amma, adora, and camille were strong in both the show and the book, and those dynamics are compelling enough that i did at least finish both of them. but i think flynn gets a lot of credit for Saying Something about Womanhood in ways she just isn't. sharp objects is like a southern gothic where 'southern' is almost entirely devoid of social content or context, and instead serves mostly as an aesthetic backdrop for a self-contained family drama. which is not inherently a bad set of parameters for an artistic project, but it does contribute to my sense that flynn is kind of outside her wheelhouse any time she does try to expand her view (eg i do not think the 'cool girl' monologue in gone girl is doing what tumblr fans seem to have decided it is doing. i think it is doing something very different and more limited and more psychologically confined, more a straight woman version of the prototypical fractured male postmodernist psychology than anything else)
specifically, with sharp objects, the thing i most respected in the book was that flynn clearly was interested in what sort of meaning-making camille engages in when she cuts -- ie, she's interested in the internal logic of that act. this is where elements of the gothic and the psychological novel dovetail decently. in the show, camille's relationships with those two men whose names i forgot are foregrounded in a way that scans to me as trite (i hate hate hated the scene with the younger of her love interests literally 'reading' her body lol GAG) and worst of all the showrunners couldn't even be bothered to preserve the detail that camille has an unmarked patch of skin on her back -- the only place adora can stand to look at/touch her, the only place where she sees camille's skin as untainted. this isn't particularly complex psychological analysis but it tracks with the rest of what we know about how camille sees herself, how this follows from adora's view of girls in general and camille in particular, and the social role afforded to the pure, unmarked (virginal) young white girl (a point that would land better if flynn had more to say about what is gothic about the usamerican south -- but alas). i also thought the sequence with sydney sweeney was bad sdjksjdks and i know he was like beloved or whatever but i don't think jean-marc vallée was that good a director and im tired of lying about it
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canisbrutus · 5 months ago
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any lefty headcanons?
he's a fav :p
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hi i'm alive. let me see 🔍
Lefty Mancini 🚬
The Basics:
have you ever heard of napoleon complex?
yeah his entire persona is kind of a front.
that's Not his real name at all.
he's absolutely pathetic. big talk, little man.
he's also the youngest of the greaser clique, at 15.
yeah he looks a little older but that's just from stress + smoking.
basically he looks at johnny, a guy with Legit ties to the mafia in my lore, and follows after him like a duckling to look cooler.
under that mask he's self conscious as hell, but aren't they all?
Expanded Lores:
this is a weasel.
this boy is slightly more oily than your average greaser, and i'm not talking hair.
he slinks around, picks up sensitive information, 'borrows' certain things from others.
he was sent to bullworth to get straightened out, but that school only made him worse, as usual.
i'm inclined to say his parents weren't like, awful. but sort of clueless and neglectful.
he had a baby sister they doted on and he didn't know how to handle being an older brother + the fact she was drawing so much attention away from him.
so when he went to bullworth he looked to johnny and his gang and just. took him as a role model of sorts. an older brother of his own, a cool guy that gave a shit. for the most part.
granted the greasers also got him hooked on a few vices, them being your run of the mill playboy magazines, smokes, even huffing gasoline.
not everyone huffs gas in that clique ofc, but addictions do run rampant among them.
lefty just happens to be too scared to try coke.
regardless, it's a tough world, you know? shit's hell in that school. gotta take the edge off somehow.
but you cant get soft, cant look weak. so his method of choice is mostly smoking yeah.
he buys em off other greasers. even if he had a fake license his baby voice would give him away tbh.
before bullworth his only friend was luis really, and he was ~2 years older than him.
they've since drifted somewhat, being in different cliques and all, but they still go grab hot dogs from time to time.
luis was, perhaps, not the best influence on lefty ngl.
there's a pretty good chance lefty had admired/looked up to how strong he was.
maybe it turned to jealousy as they got older. but who knows.
final thing: you know that scar lefty's got on his cheek?
he tells a wild story about being attacked by a chimpanzee with a butterknife if you ask him, but nobody but luis and johnny know the real reason.
still working out the greasers as a whole ngl, sorry for sitting on this for a minute lol.
[hc masterpost]
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