#OOF AND THAT'S ALL THE SHORTS-

[hatchetfieldbrainrot]

I'm having more Ted thoughts but this time they're heartbreaking.

I was rereading @unusual-ly 's post about the implications of Ted's love interests (read it here) and it made me realize something.

Has anyone ever held Ted's hand?

We technically don't know if Ted had a partner in high school but I doubt it. And even if he did, that was 20 years ago. In the past 20 years, he's been the horny bastard of Hatchetfield. The guy who will sleep with anyone who's willing. He's not someone you date.

Since Jenny was only a friend, they wouldn't have done anything like that, even if they both wanted to.

Charlotte would certainly never hold his hand. She's just sleeping with him because her husband sucks and she constantly feels guilty about it anyway. She doesn't have feelings for him.

I think technically Lucy DOES hold his hand once but it's to lead him somewhere, not for any romantic reason (at least at that point). It's the way you hold a child's hand so you don't lose them.

Even at the end of Black Friday when Charlotte has her hand over Ted's, it's because the world is literally ending and she's seeking out comfort. She'd probably hold ANYONE'S hand at that point.

So yeah. As far as we know, no one has romantically held Ted's hand in 20+ years and that just breaks my heart.

[hagenwo43]

Off season Pt4

[kasieli]

HL Slytherin boys x MC outfits

[thresholdbb]

It’s that near perfect slight transatlantic accent with Iowa triumphantly bleeding through in the “-ar”s for me

[valiant-portabella-pirkko]

I cannot stop thinking about the fact that, ironically, in his college years Commander Ruju would've been voted 'most likely to wind up as an Inquest flunky' in every timeline EXCEPT the one where he does, in fact, wind up joining the Inquest. and that's only because in that version, they'd vote him most likely to wind up in Inquest management instead (and they are correct, unfortunately)

some of his early college-era antics under the cut:

setting off the smoke alarms in other college dorms, getting his 'rival' classes doused with flame-extinguishing foam

using his water magic to make the fountains spray people

mild air element static shocks JUST strong enough to make other students' hair frizz up right before class starts

raising bricks under people's feet with the earth element in order to very discreetly trip them right in plain sight

ATTEMPTING to pressure others into doing his projects (he only got away with this because it always backfired on him)

interfering with class demonstrations via heckling

freezing hallway floors into solid ice rinks after class

frequently cornering and intimidating anyone who was unpopular and/or meek enough that he could get away with it

all this to say, if my rat bullied your rat during college, they may be entitled to emotional compensation! feel free to proceed to WvW and beat his ass for fun and profit. don't worry, he's an elementalist. he's very used to performing his downstate rotation. 👍

[questionablepastries]

i need everyone to pray for me. like spirit bomb style. Ms.self isolation (me) is going to Two concerts and a coworkers birthday party over the course of 3 days

[gilfrespecter]

Listening to coinstar by the growlers and thinking about mel so hard I get nauseous

Ridiculous stream of conscious in the tags apologies but not really

[lilyclawthorne]

the absolute angst of touch-averse pomni x ragatha w/ a physical touch love language.

[birdy-bird27]

Here is my live blog notes of reading the new chapter of The first of a shattered mirror

Mostly for @volivolition I didn’t send this as an ask bc it was long lol but here are my thoughts as I read the chapter

This chapter is hilarious already the physical crew always brings the A game

Hand cordination saying gun? Like a puppy hearing treat lol

Savvy my boyyyy he’s back! All for a couple coins from an altar lol

lol we are not punching a child part

Love when contact Mike is brought up Voltion is like we gotta put a stop to this

Poor volition putting up a. Plea to be reasonable but the phys gang is in control this time around. The whole intervention Voltion really stressed out

Naurrr Harry don’t listen to the fascist ideas of time travel 😭 don’t do it

Echem is really shining this time lol especially around the princess “big *woman*”

I knew the voice of stubborn would get along great with the coach

The home made Gatorade lol

LMAOOO the coach check and echem both saying they can take her I cantttt this chapter I knew it was going to be good

Reaction speed returning just the right time

Omg the voice of the stubborn joined the team! You impressed the coach son 😎

Ahh yes just what I expected the voice of the stubborn starting to push his power.

. Much like the game how he takes over the narration I love it

Good call Harry out Voltion and the physical skills

Drat I forgot which skill is missing. Visual calculus? I have foolishly thought he was not missing though

Yooo spinal cord!

I was right Visual calculus! My boyyy so underrated!!! Yess

Even the voices can appreciate his awesome work hell yea

“VOLITION [Medium: Success] - If you make it out of this in one piece, you *definitely* need to get back in touch with that therapist. None of this is good.” So true Voltion

Yess visual calc with his math

Oop he threw the jersey away

That ending beautiful muah love it. There’s more to all of it. So many thoughts woah. Absolutely visceral and bloody I love it!!’

Perfect balance of humor and sadness to it all absolutely wonder.

God I love this fic so much

[bombshellsandbluebells]

oh feeling really low right now

feeling the hopelessness and the depression, feeling all sorts of ways about not really having a purpose or putting anything of value in the world, had a weird train of thought about how I can't really be helping the world because I'm not gifted in the STEM fields and what's art really going to do, huh?

so trying really really hard to remember how important art is, a thing I preach about literally all the time and suddenly can't believe

[pelicanfarmer]

Stardew Valley Fair - Fall 16

[lovsome]

just cried in the shower thinking about my bf !! who have i become 😳

[guinevereslancelot]

so proud of myself for putting a big part of my last paycheck in my savings like an adult but now im gonna spend all my savings like an idiot 😵‍💫

[cloudy-whales]

Realizing now that I forgot Rhy’s nose bandaid but I am also not going back to add it

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread

This Doesn’t Mean Anything

NA contemporary romance about a sex-repulsed girl starting uni and meeting an upperclassman who hangs out in the same study room and coffeeshop as she does

struggling with her asexuality, new friendships, and harassment

[skywitchmaja]

succ finale

EXT. NYC - DAY

A PORTAL swirls over the ATN building casting it in a sickly greenish-blue glow. KENDALL ROY pilots a bitchin MECH SUIT with hover pads, laser canons, the works. SHIV and ROMAN ROY pilot similar mech suits. But so does LOGAN ROY’S CRYOGENICALLY PRESERVED HEAD. and his mech suit is bigger, badder, bitchier than the rest, with turbo speed boosters and mega laser canons.

Logan faces his kids. There’s only one of him against three of them, but his shadow looms large, because his mech is fucking huge. Half a parking garage worth of luxury cars and at least two private jets have been sucked into the portal. Another garage worth of cars are strewn across the streets of New York like matchbox cars that a toddler is having a tantrum about being asked to clean up.

LOGAN:

You idiots don’t know fuck all about portals! You couldn’t just throw a couple bus loads full of hourly employees into the portal to slow it down, and now it’s going to swallow the whole building—Everything I’ve built for you. And now I have to clean up after you.

SHIV:

Uh, sure, Dad. We don’t know anything about portals. Because throwing stuff into portals totally slows them down, right? it doesn’t feed them and make them worse or anything.

KENDALL:

It’s over Dad. The time for SUCCESSION is NOW.

LOGAN:

Death is nothing to me. Do you think you three failures and some fucking portal will stop me? Logan is Logan forever.

ROMAN:

Eugh. Okay sure you’re like, richer than god and that mean you’re basically immortal right? Wellllll, guess what? We’re rich too, and there’s three of us.

SHIV:

You do have the keen business sense to know that three is more than one, don’t you?

CLANG! Shiv and Roman fist bump.

TOM: (OS)

THAT’S where you’re wrong!

TOM and GREG appear in their own mech suits.

GREG:

Ha ha yeah, three is only more than one until you add two more. Because two plus one is three.

TOM AND LOGAN:

Shut up, Craig.

Upon realizing they said the same words at the same time, they share a brief but loaded glance.

SHIV:

Really, Tom? You’re going to side with my dead, robot dad over me again?

TOM:

Hi honey…

MEANWHILE the portal is growing bigger and bigger, having swallowed the penthouse/executive suite level of the ATN building.

LOGAN:

That’s enough of this bullshit!

He COCKS his MEGA LASER CANON and in doing so, elbows Tom, who falls onto Greg, sending them both toppling backwards INTO THE PORTAL.

ROMAN:

I bet he got his stupid boxy mech suit from men’s warehouse too, what a loser.

The siblings laugh for longer than this joke is funny. Which isn’t THAT long but it’s long enough to feel awkward.

Shiv discreetly brushes away a tear— it’s hard to tell whether it’s from grief or laughter, but when she looks back up, she wears an expression of cold acceptance. This was always how it was going to end.

While they’re distracted, Logan throws a BUS at them.

LOGAN:

When you three are done with your hyena impression, I have a city to destroy!!

Kendall saws the bus in half with his ENERGY SWORD.

KENDALL:

Uh, don’t you mean save?

LOGAN:

What does it fucking look like I mean?

Logan shoots a MEGA LASER at Kendall, knocking off one of Kendall’s laser canons.

SHIV:

Yeah, because you always communicate your intentions so clearly, and follow up on them exactly how you said you would, right? I don’t know how we could possibly misinterpret anything you’ve ever said or done.

ROMAN:

And we’re communicating this—

He tries to flip Logan off with his mech suit, but his hands are laser canons, so he just fires at the sky.

ROMAN:

BLehhh.

An EPIC MECH BATTLE ensues, choreographed by someone who knows things about action movies and mech suits and fight choreography.

The kids are looking tired, sweaty, battered, worn, but Logan’s cryogenically preserved head lacks some of the weaknesses of the living human body, he is going strong.

LOGAN:

You will never SUCCEED ME!

Logan aims his laser canon at Kendall, but right before he fires, jolts it towards Roman.

Kendall jumps in front of Roman, blocking the laser but losing his energy sword arm.

KENDALL:

What the fuck is your problem?

LOGAN:

I love you kids too much— that’s my problem.

ROMAN:

Wow, thanks.

It’s unclear whether he’s saying this sincerely to Kendall, sarcastically to Logan, or sincerely to Logan. Or sarcastically to Kendall.

ROMAN:

But Ken, you’re fucking, uh, sword/arm.

KENDALL:

It’s okay. Where I’m going, I won’t need it.

ROMAN AND SHIV:

Nooo, don’t sacrifice yourself to defeat our dad and close the portal.

KENDALL:

What? I wasn’t gonna do that. I was talking about the ROY-BOT

KENDALL SHIV AND ROMAN:

MEGA ULTRA ROY-BOT GO!!!

Kendall, Shiv and Roman’s mech suits LEAP into a power ranger style SUPER mech suit, with Shiv and Roman each operating an arm/weapon, and Kendall manning the legs.

LOGAN:

Ohh look at that you combined your robots. Do you want a prize for sharing your toys? Do you think team work is going to save you? Don’t make me laugh.

Logan swings his canon arms towards his front. They lock together forming an ULTRA MEGA SUPER DEADLY LASER CANON.

The portal has stripped the ATN building down to its foundations, and taken sizable chunks out of surrounding buildings.

Shiv and Roman ready their own guns. It looks like this is it— kids versus parent, Roy versus Roys, the final showdown has come down to the final blow.

Before anyone can fire, KENDALL ROMAN SHIV AND LOGAN are ALL SUCKED INTO THE PORTAL.

The portal GURGLES and WHIRLS, expanding and folding rapidly, like a sick, alien heartbeat or a particularly aggressive flickering fluorescent light. It looks for a moment that the portal might take the entire city, but after one last pulse, the portal collapses in on itself and BLINKS out of existence.

The streets are strewn with wreckage. Without the roar of the portal, the city seems quiet. Even the car alarms seem musical after the chaos before.

One woman climbs out of the wreckage, unscathed. She takes a look at the damage, brushes off her skirt, sighs, and pull out her phone to start dealing with all the emails she’s going to get about this. WHO’S that girl? It’s JESS!