#OOC: she needs to have relationships that define her as more than just a mother and wife!!!!

[jane-lynndrake-t]

I'd like to ask about your brother.

<3

Jamie is my half-brother. He loved creepy crawlies and flying things.

Mom would lock me alone in a room with him to 'bond'.

And I used to really dislike him because he ignored me for weeks. After about a month, I was so frustrated that I threw his book and deliberately got him in trouble.

As payback, he would talk my ear off about owls and insects every time he saw me.

Looking back, I was lucky my brother was, well, Jamie.

It's never a good idea to lock your 8 year old daughter inside a room alone with a 15 year old boy.

[reidgraygubler]

handsome enough to tempt me (spencer reid/reader)

Title: Handsome Enough To Tempt Me

Request: kinda, not really

Couple: Spencer Reid/Fem!reader

Category: fluff/angst (Kinda slow-burn, enemies/rivals to lovers)

Content Warning: period piece, regency au, maybe the slightest bit of angst, a teeny-tiny bit of slut-shaming, age gap (note: i think gap relationships were a thing in the 1800s, so I’m not super worried. I don’t have a defined age, but it isn’t 37 year old Spencer, it’s younger), marriage/proposals, ooc characters (JJ and Spencer), i don’t really know what else to tag, this is mostly fluff and, like 1800s dancing and talking, so if I missed anything please let me know.

Word Count: 8,822

Summary: Reader meets Spencer Reid at a well-known estate ball. The pair learn to love each other, even when they hate each other.

A/N: this was written for @imagining-in-the-margins fic swap! this was written for the lovely @omgbigfluffwriting​! i took a couple of the prompts and aus (royal au/historical au) she likes and came up with this. i kinda based it around pride and prejudice. please bear with me, this is the first time i’ve ever written a period piece/royal au... so it’s not perfect. but, i hope you all enjoy it!!! Thanks for all the love and support! check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

It was officially the start of Social Season. The most terrifying time of the season, if I’ll be honest with you. My mother had insisted that it’s time I put myself out there, claiming time is wasting away and I should get married sooner rather than later. I couldn’t even begin to wonder why she’s so worried about me attending social events… Must be because she wants me to be like a bunny and have children by the litter… Like her and my father.

So, that would be why I’m at the first social gathering of the season, wearing the absolute best I had, looking around at all the potential suitors. It was rather stressful. Having to be the very best for all the men.

That was until my eye caught the attention of Sir Luke Alvez. He was busy with people on his arms and people behind him. Everyone was trying to win his attention, but he was trying to get everyone’s attention. And it would seem like he’d won it from everyone.

“Sir Luke,” I smiled at the familiar man as he walked by me. I’d only ever been to one event before with his attendance. He always seemed too busy with others to know what was happening around him. I honestly couldn’t blame him. There’s always too much going on around to know what was happening.

“Save me a dance,” Luke looked at me with a smile. I looked up at him with pure astonishment, feeling the shock of him wanting to dance with me. Typically higher class people don’t dance with the lower class. This is quite a scene for most people. I could sense a large commotion coming from him. 

“Of course,” I returned his smile before curtsying. I looked back at him, again, as he walked away from me. That was the end of our conversation as he continued walking away. The rest of his party walked past me. Well, I’d call it his party, but I wasn’t so sure how many of them were with him. The number of people (men and women both) following after him was intriguing. Something was telling me to keep my hopes low, and that dancing with him will most likely not happen.

After a few moments, a familiar woman stepped up to me. Her gown was intriguing, as was her hair, jewelry, and makeup. But, she always dressed to impress. With her lilac dress, and beautiful golden hair pinned to frame her face. I was always envious when I saw her, and she knew that too. Which was why we were still friends. She also helped me when I needed it, like at events like this. Where all the single men and women were around, and all the women tried to swoon the men. Who knows if it’ll work though, she’s been married for years.  

“Mrs Jareau,” I smiled at her and nodded my head. Jennifer smiled at me before inviting me into a hug. I enveloped my arms around her to graciously accept her hug. 

“Have you been in good health?” Jennifer asked as she backed away from me a step. I smiled and nodded.

“Of course,” I looked around the room at all the people, “My parents aren’t here, but they sent me off with one mission, and one mission only,” I laughed as I looked back at her. 

“I’d keep away from Luke Alvez then,” she laughed as she looked over at the man in question. I followed her gaze and noticed that he already had two new ladies on his arms. So much for saving a dance with him. “Something of a man whore,” she looked back at me and laughed, again. I looked at her and shrugged.

“Better to find out now I suppose, instead of later," I whispered as she looked over at her friend. I looked around the room, looking at the other people who weren’t dancing. 

“Do you want to meet Mister Reid? Surely he’ll dance with you,” Jennifer looked at me with a smile. I looked back at her and raised an eyebrow. 

“Surely? And if he doesn’t?” I asked, looking down at her hand as she offered it to me. I stared at it for a moment before gently placing my hand on top of hers. And with that, she guided me towards her friend.

“Trust me, he’ll want to dance with you,” she looked over at me. She had a very reassuring look in her eyes, silently telling me that everything will be okay. How am I supposed to trust her? I’ve never met Mister Reid before, how am I supposed to know that he’ll dance with me? 

“If you say so, Mrs Jareau,” I laughed lightly. She guided me towards the back of the room, where the rest of her party was. Of course, everyone she’s with is some level of class, while I’m just middle class. How is she, my friend? I do not know. But I’m grateful to have a friend like her. She can tell me all of the secrets of her friends, and the people they follow. 

The closer we got to her small circle of friends, the more I realized just how real this was about to be. At least three of her gentlemen friends had a woman or two around them, but the one we were walking towards had several women around him. He looked mildly annoyed with the number of people around him. Maybe even more uncomfortable than anything else. Jennifer was probably the one who looked more annoyed.

“Is this usual for him?” I looked over at my friend. She looked back at me and nodded. “How come I’ve never seen him at any balls? I figured you’d bring all of your friends to events like this,” I laughed lightly. 

“Usually, women flock to him, because he’s one of the most eligible suitors. He’s smart, has money, has the looks, people love him… Especially mothers with eligible daughters,” Jennifer explained as we got closer to her friend. She looked over at me and flashed me a smile. I glared at her. Her smile grew playful as she looked back at her friend.

“Why does he not have a wife then?” I looked back at her as I pulled my hand away from her. I held my hands in front of my body and stood closer to Jennifer. 

“He just hasn’t found the woman he likes yet,” she whispered. We were still several feet away. I was confident that he couldn’t hear our conversations, considering he still had a hoard of women around him. They were all trying to impress him, or trying to get him to take their next dance. I was just impressed by him not paying attention to anyone around him. “Let's hope that changes tonight,” Jennifer whispered close to my ear. I looked at her with wide eyes and obvious shock on my face.

“Jennifer,” I whispered, hoping to stop her before we got any further. Unfortunately for me, she didn’t hear a word I said as she still dragged me closer and closer to her friend. I silently prayed that from this moment on would be nothing but smooth sailing. 

“Excuse me, ladies!” Jennifer shouted over the clammer. I looked up at her and held back my laughter. My laughter paired with Jennifer’s shouting would probably have had everyone deem us as unladylike. Good thing my parents already think that of me.

All the ladies scurried away from Mister Reid, they glared at me and Jennifer. I’m sure it had everything to do with us interrupting their flirting with a man who’s never seemed interested in them in the first place. I placed my hand over my mouth to hold back my inexcusable laughter. Why was I suddenly so giggly?

“Mister Reid,” Jennifer curtsied once we were standing in front of the somewhat familiar-looking man. He stood on a platform with a certain stature that compared to no other man in the room. And there was a level of attractiveness. I mean, I suppose out of everyone in the room, he was one of the most attractive. It made sense why men envied him and wanted to be him, and why women wanted to be with him.

 I’ve only ever seen him once before. At an event, sort of like this one. Jennifer was standing with him, chatting about something. I never went to talk to him, mostly because I had caught Jennifer’s eye and she wanted to be with me instead of him. If she wasn’t already married and had two children, I’d be sure that she’d be courting him.

Jennifer saying my name is what grabbed my attention. I was just too involved with my thoughts to listen to “She’s been to many of these dances, but is officially putting herself out,” 

“Mister Reid,” I looked up at him as I curtsied. 

Much like any other single man at this stupid ball, he seemed too preoccupied with the people around. Granted, he looked like the type of person to enjoy his personal space, and here it’s near impossible. And, with a man like Mister Reid, having a crowd of women at your feet takes away all sense of personal space. I could tell he was over and done with all and any events from now till the end of time. 

“Seems like her head is somewhere else and in the clouds, Mrs Jareau,” Mister Reid looked over at me, then at Jennifer with a sort of pretentious snare in his eye. I widened my eyes and stared at him, feeling a fluster blaze on my skin. Jennifer looked over at me with her mouth agape before looking up at her friend. “Doesn’t seem like it’s your coming out time. Maybe you should go back home,” he kept his eyes on me and nodded. 

“Spencer,” her words were nearly breathless as she spoke. The disbelief in her voice nearly shook me to the core. Why? I couldn’t tell you. Mostly because I was also in disbelief. I honestly wasn’t sure what I was expecting him to say, but it was in no way something like that. If I wasn’t raised the way I was… I would have met my fist with his face. 

“I-I’m sorry,” I kept my eyes on him, mostly because I wasn’t entirely too sure what I should have said in response. Spencer, because he no longer deserves the title of ‘Mister Reid’, looked down at me with a sly smirk. “I was trying to place how I knew you, Mister Reid, and if I’ve seen you at any other dances,” I almost scoffed, but I decided it wasn’t exactly worth the breath of air. 

“Well, while Mrs Jareau was introducing us, you were too busy looking around the room, not even listening. You didn’t even have the sense of introducing yourself to me,” he started to explain my inability to pay attention for a span of time. I dropped my shoulders as I stared at him. “Something of a halfwit,” he added under his breath. It was just loud enough for Jennifer and I to react with a gasp.

“Spencer,” Jennifer stepped in again before I had the audacity to suddenly jump down his throat and start something with a man of higher repertoire than someone like myself, or my family. He probably had the power to ruin my family if he wanted to. “What has gotten into you,” she whispered as she stepped closer to her friend. 

“No, no, he’s right… If I’m incapable to introduce myself to someone like himself, then I am in no way ready to be out looking for marriage,” I looked at Jennifer before giving her a sad smile. Jennifer looked up at Spencer with a glare in her eye. Spencer looked back at Jennifer, silently telling her that this would be the end of our interaction. 

“Let’s take a turn about the room,” Jennifer looked back at me and smiled. I looked back at her before down at her hand. I gently rested my hand on hers before looking back at Spencer.

“It was a pleasure, Mister Reid,” I spoke as I looked right at his eyes. He looked back at me with a coolness in his eye. I could feel an angered heat coming from my body as Jennifer and I walked away from her friend. 

“I’m so sorry about him. He’s never like that,” she whispered as we walked back towards the front of the room. It took everything in my body to not want to shout.

“It seemed like he doesn’t like social events,” I laughed somewhat coolly. Jennifer looked over at me and joined my laughter. 

“That would be correct. He’s not very much a social person, despite having a social title,” she chuckled. We stopped by the drinks table, taking a glass of lemonade for ourselves.

“Arrogant bastard, that’s what seems correct,” I cleared my throat. My eyes scanned the room, landing on Spencer on the far side. He looked back at me, clearly trying to act like this was not happening. The air in the room was suddenly suffocating me and the walls themselves were closing in on me. 

Jennifer was going on and on about Spencer, and the other eligible men she knows. I honestly couldn’t hear anything she was saying. My head was slightly getting dizzy.

“Arrogant bastard… I do agree he can be like-”

“I’m so sorry, Mrs Jareau, but I must retire for the night,” I looked at her as I lowered my glass to the table. Jennifer raised an eyebrow.

“But the night is still young,” She gestured to the rest of the party. My heart sank as I gazed around the room, it only sank further when my eyes landed on Spencer. 

“Yes, but I fear I am coming down with something,” I murmured as I looked back at her. Jennifer’s eyes grew worried. “Until next time, Mrs Jareau,” I nodded and curtsied before turning to leave the ball and room altogether.

{***}{***}{***}

“I told you, Mama, I just don’t think now is my time,” I looked at her reflection in the mirror as one of the housemaids brushed through my hair. Mother scowled as she thought about her argument back.

“Times-”

“Running out! I know, Mama. I just… I just don’t think now is the right time,” I turned and watched as she shoved my second youngest sibling out of the room. I stifled my laughter as she looked back at me. “I’m still young,” I stood up and walked over to her. I rested my hands on her shoulders, feeling a certain anxiety bubble in my stomach. “It won’t be the end of the world. I’m 21, Mama, not an old maid. Please do not worry,” I smiled at her. Mother sighed before looking over at the dress set out for me to wear.

“Please, just promise me you’ll keep your options open. Do not let one man ruin this all for you,” she spoke softly. I sighed deeply, trying to find my words.

“I will not let one man ruin all this for me. Do not worry,” I laughed softly. 

“I best let you finish getting ready. Your siblings are nearly finished. We don’t want to be waiting on you,” she shot me a glare before leaving me at once. I sighed before turning back to the maid.

“Shall we?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. The maid laughed before going over to the bed.

“What was it that Mister Reid had said to you, Miss? You’ve always been so excited for such events, but after the most recent one… You seem… less than thrilled by them.” The maid asked as she helped me step into the dress. I took a deep breath as she began buttoning up the buttons.

“He called me a halfwit,” I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “Something of a halfwit is what he said… It was because I was distracted by, well, by him. He just had a crowd of women around him, and he seemed so put-off by them. Most men, and women, my age… They’re looking for the next eligible... person. And there he had the pick of the lot, and he didn’t want anything to do with them,” I cocked my head to my shoulder as I looked at my reflection, “But after Mrs Jareau introduced us, and even after he insulted me… In fact, up until I left the ball, I could just feel his eyes on me. As if he was watching me.” I brought a hand to my lips once I finished my statement.

“I think I’m still in shock about him calling you a halfwit,” the maid came around to stand in front of me. I laughed as I looked up at her. “Why do you think he was watching you?”

“To be honest… I have no idea. He made it clear that he was in no way interested in me,” I shrugged as she cinched my dress. A breath of air was forced from my lungs. I nearly fell over from how much force she used to pull the corset tight. “Careful,” I looked over at her.

“Sorry, Miss.” The maid looked at my reflection. 

“It’s alright,” I chuckled as I watched as she picked up the dress I’d be wearing to the dance, “I think I’d rather have you put me out of my misery instead of attending this stupid event,” I muttered and stepped closer to her. She carefully (but quickly) helped me into the dress.

“It’ll be over before you know it. And, who knows, maybe Mister Reid will even leave you, and Mrs Jareau alone,” she smiled as she added some finishing touches. “You’re in the best years of your life. Don’t let a silly man ruin them,” she held both my cheeks. I smiled at her and nodded.

“You always give the best advice,” I whispered as I rested my hands on top of hers.

“Well, I’m happy someone listens to my advice,” she laughed with a smile, “Promise me you’ll have a good night,” she asked as she went back to helping me get ready.

“Just for you, I’ll have a great night,” I smiled and cocked my head. I suppose I looked great. My anxiety was just getting out of control because of Mister Reid. Hopefully, he’ll leave me be.

{***}{***}{***}

Oh, how I wished my maid was a prophet, and how I wished for her to be right. Because then her prophecy of Mister Reid leaving us alone would be real, and I could just get on with my life. However, we were all wrong. Because, as Jennifer and I stood at the punch table, in the crowd, I could see Mister Reid making his way towards Jennifer and me. Maybe he’ll pretend I don’t exist, and just greet Jennifer.

“Mrs Jareau,” Spencer stopped right in front of the two of us. I glanced at Jennifer and bit my lips back. 

“Mister Reid,” Jennifer returned with a curtsied. I looked around the room, expecting Spencer to ignore me. 

However, much to my surprise, and Jennifer’s, Spencer bowed in front of me and greeted me for the night. I looked over at Jennifer with shock on my face before looking back at him. I wasn’t expecting him to greet me at all, to be honest. Considering how our last meeting went. This was the last thing I was expecting. Halfwit. It took everything in me not to scoff.

“Mister Reid,” I rolled my shoulders and readjusted my posture as I looked at him. I could feel Jennifer’s eyes on me as I curtsied to the man in front of us. “How are you this evening?” I asked, holding my hands together in front of my body. 

“I’m doing just fine, thank you,” he nodded before looking over at Jennifer. Part of me wondered if she told him to relax, and not to be so arrogant. “And yourself?” he cocked his head to his shoulder as he looked back at me. 

“I’m excellent, thank you,” I bowed my head again. Jennifer wrapped an arm around my back and gently shoved me towards Spencer. I grunted as I nearly fell into his frame. I almost, nearly, glared at her.

“Something tells me Mrs Jareau wants us to dance,” Spencer spoke quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear his words. I glanced over my shoulder, searching for Jennifer. But to my surprise, she was gone, leaving me to my own devices, abandoning me with a man who hates me.

“My dance card is full,” I lied, I cringed as I told the lie. Spencer raised an eyebrow as he looked towards the blank dance card in my hand. I looked down at it, silently cursing for being so obvious with my lies. 

“Just one dance,” Spencer’s eyes shifted to my face. If it weren’t for the necklace I was forced to wear (by my mother, of course), I’d probably be able to breathe just fine. But I felt like I was suffocating. “Please,” he lifted a hand, offering it for me to take. I stared at it. Just one dance and we can get it over with. That’s it.

“If it’ll make you leave me alone for the rest of the night, Mister Reid, then I’ll dance with you,” I spoke, my voice shaky, as I hesitantly placed my hand over his. He latched his thumb over my hand before guiding me towards the dance floor. Murmurs came from women as we passed by them. That made me feel good, but the only thing that didn’t make me feel good was dancing with the man I was with. 

I’m sure they were all thinking ‘Well, why would she dance with him? She hates him.’ It’s not that I hated him… Okay, yeah I did. But, I’d honestly do anything just to make those other girls jealous. They all knew that too. I think even Spencer knew that too.

He had one hand rested low on my back, while the other held one of my hands. My free hand rested on his shoulder. The music started, and we started off our dance. I could feel people's eyes on us, watching as we went perfectly with the music. Like, it was a match that was meant to happen. Match made in heaven and in hell. My mother will surely have a fit about this once we returned home.

His touch felt like fire against my skin. The way his thumb brushed against the back of my hand, and his fingers interlocked with mine, made me want to melt. Part of me sensed that he could read my thoughts. I know how absurd that must sound. But, that was a fear that I currently had. If he could hear what I was thinking, I would surely die. 

So I quickly looked up at him, nearly breaking my neck at the speed. Spencer was looking around the room, probably for one of his friends. Or, even better, a way of escape. Despite my current thoughts, I didn’t blame him. 

“Are you alright, Mister Reid,” I whispered, looking up at his face. He blinked before looking down at me. He looked… bored. Which was unfortunate, because these balls were always a grandiose event. Maybe that’s just how he is, bored of anything and anyone. Oh, he’s probably bored of me.

“Mhm, what was that?” He looked back down at me. The way he asked his question told me that if I had had a whole conversation with him, he hadn’t heard a thing. So, I suppose it’s a good thing that I was having conversations with myself, not with him. I didn’t keep my eyes on his face, my anxiety was acting up. If my anxiety wasn’t so bad, I’m sure I would have looked right at him. So, I looked away from him. That was until I looked right at him, and he was looking back at me. My breath hitched in my throat once my eyes locked with his.

I was grateful when the song came to an end, Spencer and I froze on the middle of the floor, eyes still on each other while the people around us stared at us. My chest heaved as I stared at him. His hand was still firmly placed on my back, holding me close to him. I swallowed roughly, suddenly feeling very exposed, for no reason whatsoever. 

“I have… I have to go,” I muttered before pulling my hands away from his body. I stared at him for a moment before finally turning away, leaving him and the room altogether. I let out a sigh of relief when I finally made it outside. I walked back and forth in front of the busy building. 

“What was that? Are you okay?” Jennnifer’s voice came from behind me. I turned around and looked at her. My breathing was still hard, it felt impossible to catch. 

“What was that? You’re asking me what that was? You left me,” I looked at her with wide eyes. I felt a little bad for shouting at her. It’s true though, had she not left me alone with Spencer, I probably wouldn’t have danced with him.

“I didn’t put him up to that. That was all on his own,” Jennifer stepped closer to me, reaching a hand out to hold one of mine. I took a deep breath and shook my head. 

“Oh, I’m positive that’s what he did,” I folded my arms over my chest as I looked at her. Jennifer looked at me with a semi-apologetic look in her eye.

“Okay, I’m sorry I left you with him. But, Will called for me, and I just had to go see him,” she explained softly. I looked at her and dropped my shoulders.

“Should you know, I hated every moment of that,” I watched as she came closer to me. Jennifer smiled before resting her hands on my shoulders. “I just keep thinking about our first interaction… A halfwit!” I exclaimed as I looked at her. She looked taken back with me exclaiming and shouting. But to be fair, it was her friend that was being arrogant to me after she promised that he would want to dance.

“He didn’t mean it. He thinks he’s the smartest man in that room,” Jennifer laughed as she looked over her shoulder towards the building. I followed her gaze. “He’s even called me a halfwit before. And he’s the godfather to my kids,” she looked back at me and smiled.

“Well, maybe he shouldn’t have that, and included that I was not ready for marriage,” I shook my head. 

“He, himself, doesn’t think he’s exactly ready for marriage, either. He says that to anyone who merely shows him the slightest bit of interest,” she spoke. Her tone implied that I was ever interested in him. She should know that I wasn’t even interested in a man like Spencer Reid.

“Well, good for him… Someone should tell him that I’m not, nor ever was or will be, interested in him,” I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

“I’ll let you be the one to do that,” she smiled at me. I rolled my eyes again but smiled at her. “Will you come in now before you catch a cold? I don’t think your mother will want to hear you got sick because you were avoiding a man,” she laughed. I couldn’t help but laugh too because she’s never said anything truer. Jennifer lifted her hand, offering it to me to take.

“I suppose you’re right… Just, don’t make me dance with Mister Reid ever again,” I looked over at her as we walked back into the building. 

“We shall see,”

{***}{***}{***}

“Do you really have to go,” one of my siblings clung to my body as I walked down the hall, away from my room, and towards the front door.

“I really do have to go. Jennifer invited me over for a few days. I’ll be back before you even know it,” I smiled down at them before ruffling my hand through their hair. They pouted and clung to me harder. “What am I to do when I do get married? And when I move out?” I chuckled. 

“Please don’t go,” they mumbled into my dress. I frowned before lifting them onto my hip.

“I have to. You be good for Mama,” I pecked their nose before placing them back on the ground. They looked up at me, annoyed that I put them down. “I’ll be back before you know it. I promise.” I chuckled softly. They looked up at me, annoyed with the mere thought of my slightest bit of amusement. “This will be the last time I go away for a few days,” I laughed as I ruffled their hair again. 

“Fine, if you say so,” they looked up at me before sulking away. I tried to not let my amusement of leaving be too bothersome, but I honestly don’t remember the last time I had an overnight at Jennifer’s manor. It’ll be nice, get away from everyone for a few days. 

I retreated to my room, to finish packing for my journey. It was just me and my thoughts. That was until my mother stepped into my room, unannounced.

“I do hope you change your mind, Dear,” her voice came from behind me, just by the door to my room. I dropped my clothing, unfolded, into my suitcase. I tried hard not to drop my shoulders, but failed, allowing them to slouch down. “Well, don’t slouch, you know that’s bad for your posture,”

“What do you hope I change my mind on, Mother?" I muttered as I lifted my shoulders, and picked my dress back up. I carefully folded it and placed it gently in my suitcase. 

“You should be letting the maids pack for you, that’s the whole reason we have them,” she dramatically said as she sat on my bed. I looked over at her and blinked, trying to figure out the next thing that I wanted to say. I knew nothing would be right, though. Nothing would ever be right when it came to arguing with this madwoman. 

“You said I should change my mind? On what exactly?” I glanced over at her, feeling my sudden annoyance radiating off my body. Mother looked up at me, watching as I picked up another dress. 

“Oh, yes, that’s right,” a smile grew on her lips as she looked at me, “I hope you change your mind on your situation! Mister Reid is the most eligible bachelor there is, and you’re turning your nose up at such a great opportunity,” she clapped her hands together as she spoke. I sighed deeply, looking over at her with frustration. “This is your only chance!”

“Mother, I’m 21, I’ve still got time. Stop rushing me,” I laughed dryly as I closed my suitcase. “Mister Reid is a bastard. He’s the most arrogant man I’ve ever met. He’s already deemed me unworthy of marriage. So, what’s the point of getting married? Especially to him,” I snapped the locks shut as I looked over at her. 

“So you’ll never see him again?” Mother asked, clearly upset with everything I Had to say about Mister Reid. I sighed deeply and nodded.

“Not if I can help it,” I let out a small laugh through my nose. She looked even more disappointed by my laughter and truth in my words. Good, if she knows there’s true emotion in my words, then maybe she’ll stay off.  “The right man will come into my life, Mother, Mister Reid is just not that man,” I shook my head as I kept talking. I could sense Mother staring at me as I rambled on, and on. There was a certain gleam in her eyes like she knew something and wanted to keep it from me. 

“Does Mrs Jareau’s husband have a brother?” 

“Mama!” I shouted as I looked at her, “No, he does not. Okay? Please, please stop,” I dropped my shoulders again and looked at her, “I know you’re just worried about my future and everyone else’s, but I’m not too worried, okay?” I mumbled as I lugged my suitcase to the floor, “I have to go, I’ll be back in a few days. Promise,” I smiled at her as I dragged my suitcase down the stairs. With each thud, I could hear Mother’s thoughts, begging me to get a maid to carry it down the stairs. I was fully capable of carrying it myself. 

Although once I was outside I would need help getting it onto the carriage. The footmen would have to get it on properly so it wouldn’t fall off on the way. That’d be more than unfortunate for me. 

“Please do be careful,” mother was right beside me as I tried to board the carriage. I looked at her and smiled.

“Mama, I’m always careful,” I smiled before pecking her cheeks and embracing her, “I’ll be back soon, I promise. You won’t even know I’m gone,” I laughed before getting onto the carriage. I waved at mother as the driver started. 

I was very grateful that Mother allowed me to take the carriage. The journey between my home and Jennifer’s manor was bad on foot. It’s even worse when the weather was bad, thankfully the weather wasn’t too bad, and the ride there wasn’t too terribly long. I always hated the journey but loved when I got to my destination.

I nearly tumbled out of the carriage once we made it to Jennifer’s. My excitement was just a little bit embarrassing. Well, to be fair it’s been quite a while since the last time I saw her, and I was more than excited to see her. 

“Jennifer,” I exclaimed once I saw her. My feet moved on their own, carrying me fast to her. 

“Oh my goodness! It’s been far too long,” it was her turn to exclaim as she wrapped her arms around me. Her embrace was tight, and that goes to show just how long it’s been since we’d last seen each other. “You are now obligated to come here even if there is no ball. Once a month from now on until one of us dies,” she rested her hands on my shoulders and smiled. I laughed and looked at her.

“As long as you keep inviting me over, I will always come,” I placed my hands on her arms. 

“You must be famished after your journey, come,” she whispered as she grasped my hands. She pulled me into her home. Again, I nearly fell as she all but dragged me up the path towards her home. 

“Yes, I am, but is there a reason for you to drag me as if I was a cow,” I laughed once we were inside her home. I looked around and took in all the intricate decorations she had in just the front room. 

“They just finished making dinner as you pulled up. Wouldn’t want it to go cold,” Jennifer flashed me a somewhat nervous smile before leading me towards the dining room.

“What’s going on with you? You’re not ill, are you,” I asked as we entered the room. She stayed silent a moment longer, watching as I turned to face the table. “Oh,” I looked at the table and the person standing by it. Spencer was standing in front of his chair, looking between Jennifer and me. 

“I see you also invited Mister Reid,” I looked over at Jennifer with raised eyebrows, “Without telling me,” I glanced over at the man in question. He had now stepped away from the table and slowly moved towards Jennifer and me.

“I knew if I told you he’d be here, you wouldn’t have come,” Jennifer whispered as she looked at me. I took a step back as I looked at Spener. “Please, he’s not that bad,” 

“Well, I had no idea you’d be here either,” Spencer spoke with a bite in his tone. I stared at him before slowly blinking. The silence in the air was deafening, but at the same time so quiet. “In fact, had I known you were here, I certainly wouldn’t have come over,” he looked over at Jennifer. I let out a shaky breath as I looked at Jennifer too. 

“Are you two serious? You do realize you’re both adults, correct?” Jennifer looked between us and scoffed, “I’m not even sure why you two are the way you are.” She continued before pushing past Spencer and towards the table. I watched as she took a seat at the head of the table.

“After you,” Spencer stepped to the side before gesturing towards the table and final open seat. I stared at him, a little bit confused with his sudden kindness. 

“Thank you, Mister Reid,” I bowed my head before walking by him and taking the seat. Spencer walked around the table and sat at his seat. It was purely silent as the maids and butlers served dinner to Jennifer, Spencer, and me. I feared if I spoke about anything Spencer would immediately take offence to what I had said. I’m sure I could mention something about the weather, and he’d make it sound like I was an imbecile. 

“How was your journey here? I hear you live a ways away,” Spencer asked before he took a sip of his water. If he wasn’t looking right at me, I wouldn’t have known he was talking to me. I nearly choked on my food once I realized he was talking to me.

“Oh, sorry,” I swallowed roughly as I earned a few eyebrows raised from the people around me, “It was quite alright. Thankfully my mother allowed me to take the carriage, and the weather was perfect,” I smiled as I looked at him.

“I do have to agree, the weather was wonderful for travel,” Spencer nodded as he lifted his fork to his lips. I stayed silent for a minute, watching as he ate. 

“Did you have to travel at all, Mister Reid?” I asked, finally looking away from him and down at my food. Steamed vegetables and pork, with potatoes and cranberry sauce. Part of me felt terrible for Jennifer’s kids, they probably wouldn’t eat something like this. I know for sure my siblings wouldn’t dare look in the direction of steamed vegetables. 

“Just the town over, my manor is not too far from here,” Spencer looked up at me with a fake friendly smile on his lips. I copied his expression and nodded. “My mother is still there. She’s lovely,”

“Oh! How is Diana?” Jennifer finally interrupted. I sighed deeply as I dropped my gaze back down to the table. The two kept talking about Spencer’s mother, and how she was doing. And from there, it was smooth sailing.

Or, so I thought. The following day was fine. But the next day was awful. Terrible. I had spent the morning in the library, a good chunk of it in fact, and then I took a turn about the garden, only to end up back in the library. Unfortunately, for me, I didn’t realize I had forgotten some of my personal belongings in a bad place.

“Mister Reid,” I looked at him and bowed my head as I stepped back into the library. Spencer looked away from the book he was reading and greeted me. “What are you reading?”

“You left your diary here and I wanted to figure out who you were.....and when I read it....” Spencer looked down at the book in his hand. I looked down and noticed that he was, indeed, holding on to my diary. I nearly fell to the ground as I rushed to pull it from his grasp. Our fingers just barely brushed against each other, and my breathing stuttered for a moment. Spencer sensed that too, looking up at me with wide eyes and shock masking over it. 

“You idiot,” I looked up at him as I hugged my diary close to my chest. I wasn’t too sure if I was calling him an idiot, or myself for leaving my stupid diary in the library. Most likely the latter, to be honest. “You didn’t see anything, did you?” I couldn’t help but glare at him. There was just something about him that I loathed about him, I couldn’t tell you why. “You just had to be nosy,” I looked away from him before walking out of the library. I knew he would follow me before I heard his steps following me. 

I just hoped he didn’t read too much into this stupid thing. There were too many secrets for him to know, even my siblings to know. But, there were other things that Spencer Reid couldn’t know. Sure I hate him, I think it was a deep-seated part of me that hated him. But, another part, the part that’s in this stupid diary, didn’t hate him. The part that had feelings for him. I’m sure it sounds silly, being in love with a man you hardly know. But my mother hardly knew my father before they got married. And, Jennifer hardly knew her husband before they got married (granted, she had fallen pregnant with his child. Forcing them into marriage). 

“Wait,” Spencer called after me as he reached for my arm. I jerked my arm from him as I turned to face him. He was a lot closer to me than I anticipated, I nearly smashed into him. He lifted his hands and rested them on my shoulders to stop me from further falling into him. I looked up at him with wide eyes and alert on my face.

 I realized his hands were on me, on my shoulders to keep me upright. My breathing, again, picked up, and my head started getting a little dizzy. I wasn’t entirely sure if I was swaying, granted his hands were still on me. I’d be lying to everyone, including myself if I said that I didn’t enjoy his touch. And, like before, at the ball, his touch felt like flames against my skin.

“Get your hands off me,” I jerked away from him and stepped back. He looked down at me, a little bit of hurt on his face and in his eyes. “I have to go.” I looked away from him before leaving again. I sincerely hoped he didn’t follow me this time. When I glanced over my shoulder and saw him still standing in the middle of the hallway, watching as I ran away from him. 

Once I was behind the locked door to my room, I tossed the stupid book on my bed and began pacing back and forth. My arms folded across my chest, feeling my head get light headed again. But I had to keep moving to keep myself away from Spencer.

“Idiot! You….” I stopped and looked at my reflection in the mirror, “You stupid girl,” I scoffed at myself before going to lie on the bed. In fact, I pressed my face into my pillow before groaning into it.

{***}{***}{***}

“I definitely wasn't waiting around here hoping to bump into you or anything…” Spencer watched me as I re-entered the library. I looked up from the book I was holding and right at him. “Can we talk,” he asked, watching as I went to turn to leave the room. I froze as I looked at him. 

“About what, Mister Reid?” I whispered as I slowly re-entered the room. He stumbled to his feet and watched as I walked over to one of the several, fully-stocked bookshelves. I tried not to listen to his footsteps or breathing. Because if I listened to them, I’d know he’d be close behind me. 

“About what I saw in your-” He started, but stopped when I laughed lightly. I could hear the silence in his breathing, and that told me how close he was.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I scoffed and shook my head, “I don’t know what you saw, Mister Reid, but whatever it was, was written by a childish girl who’s been conditioned to marry any gentleman who’s eligible for marriage. I had that moment of thought when I saw you at first. But then you called me a halfwit. So, whatever it was in you I saw quickly went away,” I spoke as I turned to face him. He was a lot closer to me than I had originally thought. “So, whatever you saw… Is false,” I smiled as I looked up at him. But, what he said next was something I wasn’t expecting. 

“I called you that because I am in love with you,” He spoke with a calm voice. I swallowed roughly as I stared at him. “I’ve been in love with you since I first laid eyes on you,” he whispered. I felt awful for laughing, but I honestly didn’t know how to react to this sudden confession. “Please, marry me,” he looked at me. Again, I felt awful for laughing, but I was in an incredibly awkward spot.

“You can’t possibly be in love with me. You hardly know me,” I scoffed and shook my head, “Halfwit. You even told me-”

“I know what I told you,” He cut me off. I looked at him and sighed deeply. “Please,” 

“I must go,” I answered his question with that. I turned to leave the room, forever pleased that he didn’t follow behind me this time. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I left, and I hated that I was crying.

{***}{***}{***}

“Caller for you,” the butler spoke once he entered the room. I sat up in bed and looked at him. I pointed at myself, staring at him with wide eyes. “Yes, Miss.,” I looked over at my mother, then at my siblings around me. 

“Well, send him in!” Mother shouted as she practically jumped from her seat. She rushed to stand in front of me.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone,” I looked at mother as she pulled me to my feet. She smiled as she pushed my hair away from my face. 

“This is the best thing to happen to you… To us, your sisters,” she whispered as she licked her thumb and rubbed it on my chin. I pulled my face away from her hands and looked at her. “The whole family!”

“Who could it be,” the youngest of my sisters asked as she bounced to stand beside me. I looked down at her and shrugged once mother stepped away from me. I let out a breath of air that I didn’t realize I was holding.

“No idea. The only person I’ve been talking to is Jennifer,” I looked down at my sister. She looked back at me and smiled. 

“What about that Mister Reid gentleman?” Mother asked, “He does seem lovely, Dear, I don’t quite understand your hatred towards the man,” she continued on with her love for him. And almost as on cue, Spencer Reid entered the room, his hat in hand. It left me speechless. I’d rather be speechless than have to explain my reasoning to her, again. 

I’m not sure how long it’d last been since I saw him. But, I can say that it wasn’t a pleasant interaction. It was cold and bitter. It was after his sudden proposal. No one knew about it, but we were forced to interact at the last event. No one even questioned why we were so bitter towards each other, they all just assumed it was the usual way we acted towards each other. Which was partly true. No, it was because he proposed to me, and I didn’t give him an answer. 

“Afternoon,” he looked around at each of the women, and men, in the room before finally looking at me. Keeping his eyes on me the longest. I swallowed roughly before curtsying. 

“Mister Reid, what an unexpected visit,” Mother rushed over to him and bowed slightly. Yes, what a very unexpected visit, Mister Reid. I wished I’d known you would be visiting so I could lie and say I would be out of town.

“Ah, yes, I apologize for that,” he looked at mother and smiled nervously. Nervous? What would he have to be nervous about? “Might I have a word… In private,” He was looking right at me. I froze as I looked at him. He was waiting for my answer. Words couldn’t find their way to my mouth, thus leaving me without an answer.

“Of course you can! Come along, let’s give Mister Reid and your sister a moment,” Mother looked at my siblings before ushering them out. I anxiously watched as they all left the room, leaving me alone in the room with Spencer. I silently pleaded with my youngest older sister to stay, but it was an obvious fail when mother pulled her out behind her.

“It was rather unexpected for you to stop by, Spencer,” I let out a dry laugh, “Especially after our first and last interaction,” I folded my hands in front of my body. Spencer took a cautious step closer to me. 

“And that was my fault. I regret it all,” he whispered and shook his head, “I was… I was arrogant, selfish… I don’t know what I was thinking. But, I do know now, that I missed the biggest chance to get married to the most beautiful, selfless, mindful woman I know… And I regret that more than anything in my entire life,” he whispered before lowering himself to one knee. I stared down at him with wide eyes, feeling a certain sickness rise in my throat and stomach. “Marry me,

“No,” was all I said. It was the only word that I suddenly knew. Spencer looked shocked, displeased, with my answer. “My answer is still the same, Spencer."

“We’d both be lying to ourselves, and each other, if you denied my proposal,” he looked at me as he spoke with a low tone. My eyes were wide open as I stared at him, and my silence was nearly deafening. He wasn’t lying, either. We both knew our true feelings for one another now, now that he’s read my diary and he’s proposed to me. We were both in love with each other, and we can’t lie about it now. 

“What’s that supposed to mean,” I asked, already knowing the answer to my ridiculous question. Spencer dryly laughed and shook his head.

“You know what that means,” he stepped closer to me, “I haven’t been able to get you out of my head, it’s rendered me useless. I’ve become so infatuated with you that… I’m unable to live a normal life without you by my side… Please” he shook his head and looked down at the ground. I took a shaky breath. “Please, accept my hand in marriage,” 

I watched as he knelt to the ground, holding himself up on one knee. I could tell he wanted to hold both my hands. But, my body wouldn’t let me move or react even. Maybe that the paralysis I was feeling was a reaction within itself. 

Mother’s words ran through my head. This is the best thing to happen to me, my sisters, and my whole family. Jennifer's urging for us to dance, and setting us up in her manor. And then suddenly the thoughts and memories of our interactions. I did have a valid reasoning for my hatred towards him. But to be fair, you don’t just call someone a halfwit for the joy of it. Of course, he did say he thought that way of himself, after he said it all to me. 

It’s honestly all too late now. We both already knew how we feel towards one another as well. But, can I really picture myself spending the rest of my life with someone as stuck up and arrogant as Spencer Reid? He’s already proven that he isn’t as stuck up as I thought, while we danced, and while we were at Jennifer’s manor. Time was moving quick, I’m not sure how long I’d been silently staring at him, but I knew it was a long time.

“Promise me something,” I spoke, my mouth having a mind of its own. I stared down at him with wide eyes. His eyes looking up at me, sometime over the last several silent minutes, he finally had a gentle grasp on my hands. 

“Anything… Anything for you,” 

“You call yourself a halfwit too,” I smiled at him. Spencer looked up at me, the same smile growing on his lips as he stood. 

taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​ , @thebluetint​

[cancerjupiter]

astro notes: neptune edition (pt. 2)

neptune represents issues which are frequently unconscious, so all of this may operate without your awareness. if projected, the negative aspects of neptune become more emphasised. the more you reject it in your own life, the more likely it is that you’ll meet it in exaggerated ways outside yourself.

neptune in the 7th house

this is another loaded placement; you are likely to encounter difficulties in the area of personal relationships. there are many manifestations of this placement: you may look for a savior to ease the feelings of loneliness and isolation rather than taking responsibility by becoming your own person, you might wish to merge with your partner. if you become too dependent on anyone, they’re going to let you down one way or another. the alternative manifestation is you playing savior to your partner. hence, the reputation of this placement as a magnet to victim types (negatively: drug addicts, unstable people w a shady/difficult past, “artists”, wannabe geniuses and prophets, etc) who need a lot of mothering and cleaning up after.

wherever neptune is placed in the chart, a lot is asked of us. you often give a lot in relationships - often sacrificing things for the sake of your partner. some of you exhibit a kind of selfless, saintly love worthy of true respect, but this can easily turn into letting yourself being walked over as if you have no rights in the relationship. there is a fine line between authentic selflessness and tolerance and just being a doormat. your often idealized romantic notion of what a relationship looks like doesn’t consider the hard work that must be put into it. the yearning for perfection in your partner + the relationship actually makes you very difficult people to live with. unconsciously, you can be very critical and judgemental about the other’s flaws or whatever element they have that doesn’t match your notion of Love. soulmates can still argue about the way the other squeezes the toothpaste tube, it doesn’t mean the love isn’t very much real. ultimately, this planet should represent a non-attached love, a love that doesn’t cling or swallow up any of the people involved. somewhere between demanding others adjust to you, or always adjusting yourselves to others, is the kind of envisioned neptunian love.

neptune in the 8th house

if neptune can’t be at home (12th house) then his next favorite house is that of his bestie, pluto (8th). neptune’s major thrust is the loss of boundaries - what better place to lose them than in the house of sex, sharing and intimacy?

sex is often symbolic in this position; rather than just being enjoyed for its sake, it is the means to alleviate psychological pressures and concerns. sex is also a way of merging with others, hence transcending the means of oneself. i’ve noticed physical intimacy is also an escape from loneliness, and the promiscuity associated w this placement comes from this. some may feel that giving themselves sexually is also a way of serving. this placement is also present in people confused about their sexual identities. neptune is so diffuse and adaptable, so fluid and shapeless, that they have difficulty knowing what they really want. conversely, problematic aspects to saturn may suggest a fear of letting go - a tension between holding on and letting go (abstaining from sex altogether). my friend with this placement told me she always fantasizes about people she isn’t with rather than her girlfriend. neptune is never content with what it has. besides, if you know someone too well, their alien magnetism eventually wears out.

there may be complications and strange circumstances in the area of the partner’s money and joint finances. economic losses and gains will have a significant psychological impact, and could ultimately stop you from finding security inwardly rather than on the material world. in any case, you should seek advice for making financial investments. depending on the aspects, non-material forces can operate constructively or destructively within you. positively, you’ll receive guidance and inspiration as if out of nowhere and are well advised to keep up a dream diary, for they may prove significant to whatever you’re going through. you may serve as a source of comfort and inspiration for others who are going through crisis (david bowie, malcolm x, simone de beauvoir, etc); negatively, you may feel possessed - as if you’ve been taken over by something powerful outside yourself. you may receive misleading guidance from other dimension.

since neptune wants to go Home and the 8th house is the house of Death, some people w this placement may entertain self-destructive fantasies when life gets too tough. unless neptune has harsh aspects to saturn, there isn’t a fear of death, since the desire to transcend worlds is so strong.

neptune in the 9th house

both neptune and the 9th house have a tendency to need the “right” answer, there’s a possibility for an enduring search for The Truth (think Mulder from the x-files). both are mutable and connected to faith and beliefs. both are haunted by the need for perfection due to unrealistic expectations. neither is noted for common sense or doing anything half-assed. the thing is, this placement will tend to overemphasise whatever issues are valued to you. naturally, pisces (neptune) is square sagittarius (9th house), indicating some conflict to be resolved. neptune in the 9th is also a mix of fire and water, giving it a great emotional intensity.

there’s two types of you: those who will lean towards the 9th house and say the truth no matter who gets hurt; and those who follow neptune and choose to lie to protect others’ feelings. you’re pulled in both directions and will need to find a middle ground to satisfy your need for truth and others at the same time. if you don’t, explosions of repressed feelings will occur that will seem OOC for the people around you. you also must be wary of your expectations with education; being educated about everything won’t fulfill every need in you.

balance is an important lesson for you. you always want to go overboard w the next big idea; the challenge is to act on them practically and without dangerous disruptions in other areas of your life. examine your personal beliefs, conscious and unconscious. clarify your expectations about truth, philosophy and the meaning of life.

neptune in the 10th house

positively, someone with this placement can be drawn into a deeply spiritual or creative career, or maybe something to do with counseling. you’ll be inclined to dedicate a great deal of time and energy to said career because it provides you with an enormous sense of fulfillment that you don’t find in other areas of life. you might as well revolve your life around your job. that’s fine, as long as you stay aware of your choice and make the effort to cultivate some personal relationships and outside interests. you tend to be happiest when working - with something you love, obviously. you may feel a responsibility to contribute something meaningful to the world, whether in terms of helping others or creatively. that’s great, but you’ll also feel your work is just that, a contribution - a piece in the grand scheme of things.

you’ll be a great deal happier when employed, but you also need to feel you’re improving; you’re ambitious, whether or not you’re aware of it. you always have an eye in the possibility of promotion, for the 10th house is not only about a career but to success defined in worldly terms. this means an unconscious need to gain more and more, in position, status and salary. if this remains unconscious, you might let it take over your life. few people find lifetime satisfaction within a career unless it’s spiritual, educational or creative. 

negatively, this placement finds people who can’t find satisfaction anywhere outside their job. such person lives for her job, and expects it to provide for all needs: physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. they may expect the job itself to be perfect, and be miserable when it’s not. another negative expression is the indecision regarding a career, not being able to truly commit to anything. you want something big and important, something perfect (ps: it doesn’t exist), something better and of more help to humanity than anyone else has come up with. yet you often expect to accomplish this without any training or effort.

this placement might also refer to the father (10th house = saturn): you might think the world of your dad and wish to be like him or, negatively, you may have expected him to be perfect. some of you might have him on a pedestal and not accept the idea of him being less than perfect. or he might’ve been a strange figure; he might’ve been withdrawn, either a victim or simply a loner. he may have died or left your life altogether, leaving you with a fantasy figure, a father who only exists in your mind. you’ll benefit greatly by examining your beliefs about his importance in your life. you might avoid thinking of him altogether and the same is true of your career: you might expect far too much or deny its importance.

neptune in the 11th house

this placement inspires a natural caring for others and immediate feeling of bonding and solidarity with those with whom wer share this planet. many have an utopian visions and will join groups that promote humanitarian or social causes. you feel the need to participate w other in bringing their idea of good into the world. you’ll likely fight for the underdog. if some segment of society is mistreated, you feel it as if it were happening to you. some might be more attracted to artistic or spiritual groups. if neptune has hard aspects, your group might have big ideas but never bring them to fruition.

in less politically minded people, group activities can simply be a way of escaping routine. you could lose yourselves in a social whirl, seeking ever more interesting friends and parties. if neptune is badly aspected, there could be disillusionment or deception through friendships. you easily feel your friendship ideals are being betrayed. some may even manipulate friends by making them feel sorry for you. another manifestation of this placement is that your friends carry the neptunian projection: you might find yourself drawn to artists, healers, romantic daydreamers, or just losers lmao.

neptune in the 12th house

ahh, neptune at home. this can be a double dose of either comfort or dissatisfaction. the hardest part of this placement is the lack of consciousness about itself and how it operates. what works from the unconscious has far more power to affect us than we think. 

it might be difficult for you to think about your own values; they’re so unquestioned as to be beyond challenge. you think they simply are what they are, and resist any categorisation or definition. you can’t separate yourself from them. with neptune here, you’re less connected to the material world than others, more in tune with the spiritual one. you could well have psychic abilities. you never fully embrace “reality” because you’re aware, if only barely, that the universe encompasses so much more than our minds can handle. the danger is that you’ll come to this conclusion before developing any ego strenght. with ego strenght, you honor yourself as well as your vision; without it you’ll tend to be overwhelmed and easily terrified.

with neptune in the 12th, you need to take a long hard look at your tendency to idealise peace, universal love, sacrifice and service, art and music, and the spiritual path. this placement isn’t a problem by itself, unless there’s other contradicting placements or bad aspects. if nothing is repressed or ignored, it’s actually a fantastic gift. the main problem is the aforementioned lack of awaress of what your values mean and how they affect the quality of your life. my friend with this placement feels that death is simply another step of growth for the soul; of course she grieves, but she tends to think everything happens for a reason. i deeply admire her ability to live in touch with both the material and spiritual world.

[karenwilson]

Buck and his romantic relationships

Honestly there is so much to dig into when it comes to Buck and his romantic relationships. There are some constants that can be found in nearly all of his relationships and some things that are constantly changing and evolving.

One think that strikes me about the women he has dated were strong and independent or arrived there at the end. Abby, Ali, Taylor, even Veronica they all stood their ground and were their own champions. They put their needs and mental & physical well-being first, something that society always expects women not to do. It's something I actually really appreciate about their storylines even if it comes with Buck being unhappy. None of the women set out to hurt him, they just didn't want to put themselves second. And that is perfectly okay.

But let's dive deeper into each of his relationships. Bear with me, it's a long one.

Abby Clark

Abby was his first serious relationship and now we know why. Due to his upbringing and his parents' abusive behaviour he never really forged any important relationships apart from Maddie. I think it got even worse when he got the jeep as he skipped from place to place, never staying for long anywhere. He didn't have ties anywhere and that made him restless and only seek out sex to forge some intimacy because that was all he thought he could get and something that would hurt him the least.

Anyway with Abby he was able to connect with a woman (one he wasn't working with anyway) on a deeper level. It only worked because it didn't start out as something physical. He didn't know what she looked, only knew her voice and good heart. I doubt they even would've met had it not been for the 911 calls, because they have so little in common.

Buck is actually pretty self-aware when it comes to his behaviour around women but hasn't really faced it before. That's why he tells her that he thinks it isn't a good idea if they meet, because he's worried he'll revert back to his usual coping strategies and it'll end up with him losing their connection.

But we also see that he's inexperienced and that although he knows how to seduce women he's lacking self-confidence in other aspects. He doesn't know unconditional love apart from Maddie and even that trust was broken when she didn't leave with him, when she left him behind. So he often worries he'll do something wrong and put her off; he goes over the top to get her attention - which he has done before in his life. Remember, he could only ever get his parents' attention when he did something big and reckless.

Abby has her own shit to deal with and Buck doesn't really know what to do with that in the beginning. It's not the light-hearted, sweet relationship he might have been hoping for but instead serious and heavy. But helped by Bobby's advice he works through his doubts and puts himself out there, puts Abby first. He always puts other people first, because that's who he is (and lbr, it's not healthy). Sadly to his own detriment because he is more invested than she is; Abby has her sick mother to take care of and is drawn in several directions at once. That's a heavy burden for anyone, especially someone working fulltime. She doesn't want to put her mother in a home as it wouldn't feel right but I also think it comes from a place of societal pressure for women to take care of other people. When her mother dies I actually thought it was a very real and important step for Abby to take put herself first, to take care of her own needs and do something that's vital to her claiming herself again.

I think Buck understands why she has to go but it still leaves him with the impression that he's never good enough, that people always leave. Because that's the experience he's made in life and nothing has changed that for him yet. And I totally get where he is coming from, that he believes it's his fault that she leaves, that he isn't good enough, that she doesn't love him enough. I do believe Abby never felt as deeply for Buck as he did for her but even if she did, sometimes love doesn't fix people. Abby was broken and exhausted and that's something Buck couldn't help with but that doesn't mean he wasn't enough.

She definitely did him dirty by leaving him in the dark and not giving him a clean break when she knew she was ready to move on.

Thanks to Maddie and the 118 he was able to partly work through those issues and put himself out there again.

Ali Martin

To be honest, Buck dating Ali came out of nowhere for me. Yes, they did connect a bit at the beginning of season two but I honestly didn't see her coming back as a love interest for Buck.

(And is it just me or do I just not remember it but Bobby stopped giving Buck relationship advice after Abby???)

But I thought they were really cute when they were together; the show just didn't make a very good job of establishing their relationship. They had to few scenes on the show but that was by design. I think the show never intended to keep Ali around, she was (sadly) just a plot device for the show to propel Buck's development. It established Buck's behaviours and the patterns in his romantic relationships. He years for deeper connections and a serious romantic relationship that he gets in too deep too fast. Buck doesn't do shit halfway, he gives it his all.

With Ali he was able to go the next steps of moving on from Abby, he had someone who made him happy for a while but of course the show had to reassert that people leave Buck, further damaging his self-esteem. I think it's perfectly understandable for her wanting to end their relationship at this point, when remaining in it would cause her too much pain and grief by always being worried about Buck and whether he would come home that night, would still be alive. That's a lot for anyone to deal with. So it was better for her to get out at that point instead of dragging it out and therefore making it more painful for both of them when it eventually ended.

But Buck doesn't view it as her leaving because of the dangers of his job but because of him. So yet another person leaves him because he's not enough, not right. Being a firefighter is important to Buck, he sees it as his calling, something he is good at and feels right. He defines himself by his job and that ends up doing damage, especially after the bombing and his subsequent leg injury. Buck feels lost when he can't do his job anymore because he feels like he IS his job. That's why Maddie telling him he's good enough and is worth everything even without his job was so important. His job is an important part of who he is but he isn't his job.

Taylor Kelly

I think with Taylor we saw the mere-exposure effect. Buck has a bit of a thing for voices as we first saw with Abby. With Taylor he knew her voice, heard her whenever he drove to work and obviously liked what he was hearing. And when he met her during that accident he was attracted to her not just by voice but by her looks as well.

Because of his dating experience with Abby and Ali and generally just trying to be a good person, he doesn't want Taylor to get the wrong idea. He likes her, possibly wants to get to know her more and doesn't want to leave her with the wrong impression. Taylor isn't having any of it, because she knows what she wants and what she wants isn't a relationship with him when they first meet. She's young, confident, successful and takes what she needs.

For Buck he has to cut the cord before he gets in too deep. He knows what he wants now and he doesn't want to fall back into his old habits of having sex and not having a meaningful connection. And if he doesn't get out he might fall too fast too hard already knowing it won't go anywere. Plus Taylor tries to expose secrets about his work family and quasi-dad and that would never work. Even if Buck wants romantic love he's not going to step on his 118 family to get it.

When they meet again more than a year later there are no hard feelings (whether that's amnesia on the writers' part or Buck has come to terms with her behaviour we don't know [yet]). Due to their previous actions Buck seems to think Taylor isn't a human being with feelings and hasn't been changed by the pandemic as well. I love Buck but it's ironic that he didn't want to hurt her in season two but inadvertently does so by using her as a shield in season four without her consent. I don't like what he did at all and Taylor was absolutely right on hanging him out to dry on that "double date" and calling him out on him using her like this, by not telling her what she was about to walk into. From her reaction we know he presented the situation differently because he (rightly) figured she might not come otherwise.

It'll be interesting for me to see where their relationship is going. I'd love for them to become friends and see where it takes them from there.

Veronica

I'm only including her for two reasons: She was Buck's first step to dipping his toe back into the dating pool again and acted as a catalyst to rekindle/change Buck and Taylor's relationship. Plus she also fits the strong woman type Buck goes for (although she additionally has a no-fucks-given attitude and isn't here to coddle anyone and their feelings).

To be honest, looking back on it Buck felt a bit OOC to me during their date. I mean yeah, he's just starting to date again and isn't used to doing it anymore and people change but... He didn't have a problem talking to Ali, Abby, Taylor or any of the women he chatted up with at bars and other places before. Why would he suddenly get so flustered? Even if they started on the wrong foot and he put his foot in his mouth... it just like it was put by the writers there for the laughs and not because it's how Buck would (re)act?? It just feels weird to me now. What did feel real to me was his need to impress her and makes sure she likes him, because Buck needs to be liked and he's really uncomfortable with somone not liking him and not knowing where he stands. He needs to clear the air now, to know what's going on so he can move on. After Abby and being left to doubt himself and being left in the dark about where they stand has left a mark on him (see also him making sure to talk it out with the 118 and especially Eddie after the lawsuit).

Well, that's it for now.

[aethersmoke-and-ash]

LFRP - Milloux Allard

✦ The Basics ––– –

Age: Late 20′s

Birthday: She remains unsure of the exact date - but celebrates yearly when the Moonfire fireworks begins.

Race: Duskwight Elezen

Gender: Female

Sexuality: bisexual

Server: Balmung

✦ Physical Appearance ––– –

Hair: Long, nearly waist-length hair, naturally a deep aubergine color. Highlights change frequently, often favoring dusty pastels or bold saturated hues. Often pulled back into a high ponytail or loose braid for ease.

Eyes:  A bright – almost unnaturally so – magenta with flecks of paler pinks.

Height: Fairly short for an elezen - just under six fulms. This is likely due, in part, to stress and malnourishment during her formative years.

Build: Fit, but softer. Her features have lost some sharpness over the past few years; maturity, regular meals and a lifestyle resembling some form of stability has caused her to fill out a little.

Distinguishing Marks: A faded scar bisecting the bridge of her nose - from forehead to just under the corner of her right eye. A full sleeve of tattoos on each arm, depicting floral motif, mythical creatures, and protective sigils.(When not glamoured away for the sake of propriety- which is frequently the case these days) Freckled cheeks and shoulders - a consequence of ashen-colored skin being exposed to more sunlight than is probably advised for a duskwight.  A series of four jagged parallel scars on her right side/hip; all very old and faded.

Common Accessories: Various hoops and other ear adornments - often sporting a pair of silver ear cuffs. Will accessorize with various bits and baubles, but seems largely unconcerned with excessive adornment.

✦ Personality ––– –

At once earnest and enigmatic, Milloux can be difficult to pin down, and seems to prefer it that way. Her voice, low and pleasant enough, carries the distinct cadence of Limsan salt, though practice seems to have softened it a great deal. Make no mistake, she can still weave a tapestry of profanity fine enough to make a sailor blush... at least in the right company. Those that take the time to get to know her find there is a tempest of emotion underneath the wry humor and composure. A woman fiercely protective of those she has come to call her own and those she seeks to aid, and yet undeniably fragile - someone that has built up high walls to keep the soft parts of her psyche and heart safe from harm.

✦ Personal ––– –

Profession: Former freelance mark-hunter and bodyguard. Absolutely not seeking to help others in a more proactive sense, securing wayward & harmful artifacts, or hunting down dangerous individuals.

Hobbies: This is something she’s still figuring out! Free time has never been something she’s had a surfeit of, though she’s taken to teaching herself how to play the guitar…and knitting. (The latter will be denied vehemently or claim is solely to help her focus and meditate)

Languages: Common

Residence: A rambling ramshackle manor she is slowly restoring on Vylbrand’s coast or her quarters at the Mercier Estate in Ishgard.

Birthplace: A long collapsed cave-network deep in the Shroud that may or may not have had access into Gelmorra.

Religion: She remembers little of the religion of her birth - ancient rituals forgotten by most.  Loosely follows the Navigator, asking occasionally for her fair winds and favor, more recently looking towards the Fury for guidance, after initial hesitance for the halonic faith.

Patron Deity: Nophica

Fears: Abandonment, loss of control, suffocation, being restrained or confined, paralysis.

✦ Relationships ––– -

Spouse: None currently – Divorced.

Children: None.

Parents: Sidoni (mother; presumed deceased, surname unknown) , Toussaint Allard* (father; whereabouts unknown.) *Allard is an assumed name. Both Milloux and her older brother are unaware that their father made this change upon relocation to Gridania, and are unaware of their true surname.

Siblings: Jordain Allard (older brother)

Other Relatives: Unknown; very likely to have relatives still living among various isolated settlements and caves in the Shroud.

Pets: Matilda; a tiny sphynx kitten.

✦ RP Hooks ––– –

Crossroads - Milloux has found herself  staring down uncertainty and an unknown path after the sudden closure of the Ashen Enclave and the seizure of the Clinic by Ul'dahn interest and authority after a series of unexplained aetheric anomalies on the grounds.   She is still reeling from the ordeal, the carefully composed mask of Advocate and Lady peeled away enough to reveal someone unsure of her next steps, of redefining herself after turns of devoting herself wholly to helping others; burying herself within her role, and the responsibilities she's shouldered.  That she was perhaps drowning under the weight of it all, even before then, is something she has been slow to acknowledge. Where there has always been a quiet melancholy about her, there's now a morose edge, tangled within fatalist and reckless inclinations -- no longer tempered by her need to be responsible for the sake of the Enclave, and those who looked to her for guidance. What she seeks now, she isn't certain. A new purpose, distractions, people to help...or even a greater sense of self underneath all of the personas she has attempted to wear and define herself by for the sake of others.  Maybe she just needs trouble, a strong drink, and a sparring partner. It's difficult to say, really.

✧   A full list of hooks & more info about Milloux can be found at:  http://milloux.carrd.co ✧

✦ What I’m looking for ––––

Connections of all sorts! Plots to jump into and help with!

Milloux has worn many masks over the course of her relatively short life, and has likely made as many friends as enemies. I imagine an entire rogue’s gallery in her past - with room for all sorts of characters and interactions - the drama of such characters coming back into her life would be a lot of fun - both as ally or adversary! Maybe both... If your character needs help with a problem, or a drinking buddy from their past with seemingly deep pockets and what appears to be an uncanny influx of good luck, she might be your gal. 

I am looking, in particular, for those with knowledge of thaumaturgy and black magic. Milloux has some connections to the darker arts, and I have been looking for colleagues, rivals, and adversaries in this vein.  Folks to research, delve into mysteries, poke at dangerous artifacts...

If Mill isn’t your cup of tea, I have a whole bunch of other characters as well! (I’ll be making individual posts for them soon)

✦ OOC info ––––

Hi! I’m Dani~ I’ve been RPing for a really long time now! As in, started back on AOL, long time ago. I’m a really laid back and patient RP partner, and I prefer the folks I write with to be the same. I’m a tired lady in her 30′s with a trio of cats.

Due to work obligations, evenings (EST) work best for me for in-game RP!  I do enjoy Discord RP as well, especially for more personal and character-focused scenes.

Darker plots are as welcome as slice-of-life scenes. I value communication with those I am writing with, in order to make sure we stay on the same page and nothing gets thrown at me entirely out of the blue. Please know that, in general, while I’m not opposed to spicier rp or romantic plots, I don’t like to set out with just those aims in mind, and prefer things to develop organically, and then only after I’ve gotten comfortable with an RP partner.

✦ Contact Information  ––– –

Ingame - ‘Milloux Allard’ , Discord: snarksonomy#1313

@balmungrp​ , @crystalxivrp​, @mooglemeet​, @ffxiv-crystal-rp​

[yeet-noir]

Hi I just wanted to say I think Kagami is actually a well written character. Every appearance she is in we have learned a little bit more about who she is and why she is that way. It’s okay to not like that her type of character due to personality/motives/plot lines; but to say she is ooc or badly written in context of the show just doesn’t make sense to me. From how season 3 been setting up, her character probably will lend greatly to both Marinette and Adrien outside love square drama. 

Anyways here is why she is (so far) well written:

Complicated family relationship. Kagami wants to fit the image her mother expects from her. This was introduced in Riposte, one of the very first things we learned about her. If she wasn’t going to make the cut, she knew her mother would be disappointed. In Ikari Gozen this is emphasize by how tough Tomoe is when she trains with Kagami. She doesn’t read as a mother, but more of a coach. Which leads into the next point. 

Her parallel role with Adrien is significant. There is no coincidence that her and Adrien have the same deprived childhood with parents who treat their children like employees. They both need to realize they deserve more warmth and deserve to have more freedom in their everyday lives. Having each other for support for sure will lead to opportunities of growth for both of them as a plot device. It shouldn’t be overlooked as nothing. 

Her opposite role from Marinette is significant. A change in both Kagami and Marinette’s life cannot happen if they are surrounded by very similar people. In Ikari Gozen, Marinette learned that Kagami doesn’t have to be a rival, but a friend. Kagami is helping her let go of her obsession from Adrien. Kagami learned from Marinette’s conversation with Tomoe that there was nothing wrong with her trying to make friends and that her mother was being unreasonable. They are both capable of teaching each other important lessons. 

Kagami owns her personality. She is cold, abrasive, and sharp. She doesn’t need to be sweet towards everybody to be well written. Just because she was like that towards Marinette doesn’t mean she hates girls lets not get crazy with that mindset. Her lifestyle and upbringing definitely shaped her that way. BUT she is also honest, hardworking, and a little mischievous. Her “bad” doesn’t cancel out the good. Having personal preferences against this type of character is fine, but she is not one dimensional.

Kagami is trying to grow. Don’t take that away from her. Ikari Gozen shows she wants friends, but doesn’t know how to be friendly. She understands her areas of weakness and is actively working on it to reach a goal she set for herself. That’s pretty cool for a side character in my opinion. 

Kagami is a good friend towards Adrien. Even if you don’t like them romantically together, she still been good towards Adrien. Sneaking off with him to do fun things and helping him prove his skills in fencing are great concepts and overall he seems very happy when Kagami is around. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

So ya Kagami isn’t just there for a love rival. She has more of a defined personality than plenty of characters on the show. Kagami’s personal life has been focused on then a lot of other characters in the show. So what if she dates Adrien for awhile? So what if she had turmoil with Marinette? Doesn’t make her badly written, just makes it not a preference. 

[jordanr770-blog]

My Thoughts on The Alienist: Angel of Darkness Season Finale

Please note that there be spoilers ahead. If you haven't watched the show, turn back now or ruin your eyeballs with spoilerness.

Alright, so to begin with, I love The Alienist. I loved the first season and thought this season was also super good until the last 15 minutes or so. The location, the cast, the crew, the costume designers, basically every single person who worked on the show is fantastic and I appreciate and respect every single one of them, with the exception of whoever wrote the last 15 minutes of that season finale. I have a few WORDS I would like to say about that ridiculously implausible and contrived ending of a season! 1. I am super disappointed that John and Sara didn't become endgame. More than likely Violet is lying about her miraculously timed pregnancy. But even if she is the worst, it is completely in John Moore's character to screw up like that. Yes, I realize that in life mistakes are going to be made and nothing usually ever turns out perfectly peachy, but I would also like to throw out there that this is a fictional story with a few real life people thrown in (Byrnes, Hearst, Roosevelt in the first season, probably more I can't think of right now...) and because it is a fictional story you don't necessarily have to follow the ground rules of real life. Making characters grow wings and fly may be a bit of a stretch for this story, but having people end up happy is not so far out of normal that people will be irrationally displeased. Creating a soap opera out of a doomed relationship because "realistic life scenario" is somewhat lazy writing and is bound to make a few people question your choices. Basically; NOBODY WANTS VIOLET AND JOHN TOGETHER, ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME WITH THAT NONSENSE?!?!?!?

2. We all know that Sara Howard is amazing and never needed marriage to define her as a person. But just ONCE can we please have a lady who is content and happy having both a job and being married? Why is it always one or the other? It's either "be a strong independent woman and die alone" or "be a slave to the nuptial life whose only hobby is housework and children," and that is a very unpleasant and unrealistic mindset to have. People can do both. Why not both? Why couldn’t Sara remain head of her own detective agency and also be in a relationship with John? It frustrates me so much that in tv/movies/books/etc. that this always seems to be the ONLY option when it doesn't have to be.

3. To be perfectly honest, I am probably not the biggest John/Sara shipper like a lot of you here. But I can completely understand your frustration with this entire thing.

4. Laszlo Kreizler kind of became a semi-background character this season and I didn't really dig it. He IS The Alienist, aka what the title of the show is and the title of the first book by Caleb Carr. I don't mind that they had it be Sara's POV this season, but I am a bit miffed that they didn't do a whole lot with Kreizler, who is one of my faves. And I'll say it right now, that ending with him was bollocks and completely OOC for the good doctor! I never really shipped Laszlo with KAREN Stratton (yes, they really named her Karen) and I loved the scenario someone came up with on Twitter where they said that she wasn't even a real person, just his psyche. But that theory (sadly) flew out the window tonight, along with Laszlo's personality. We are supposed to believe that he just said to hell with the institute which he spent a lifetime of blood, sweat and tears into developing/creating, and to hell with those institutionalized children, they'll be fine. No need for me to doctor around here anymore! Therefore I shall go gallivanting in Europe for 6 months with the pretty lady and go see Freud speak. I mean, there's having an existential crisis and then there's being careless and stupid. Laszlo is not careless and he's far from being stupid. It just doesn't make any sense!

5. I cannot stress this enough: FUCK THEM for killing off Marcus Isaacson. There was absolutely NO point in killing him off. To further the plot along and hurt us? NO. You can do that by taking an eyeball out, not by murdering one of the main five. I love both of the Isaacson brothers and I hate the decision of killing Marcus off. Did Douglas Smith not want to be in the show anymore? If that was the case they could have had him traveling in Europe with Kreizler for a few months and then decide to stay there for whatever reason. Killing Marcus Isaacson off was unwarranted and very uncool and I am severely mad about this. WE DON’T MURDER THE MAIN FIVE!  Do something else! Oh and I’m adding  Bitsy and Milly to the “not kill” list as well if we get a season 3. 

6. Whatever happened to Dr. Markoe and the Lying-In hospital? Are we supposed to forget that he was taking babies away from the mothers who gave birth in his vicinity? AKA committing severe malpractice. Maybe that was already explained and I forgot? I kind of want some answers to that. 

Those are all my ranted thoughts (for now). I haven’t read the book Angel of Darkness yet, but now I have a strong desire to do so. Will probably have to go buy the book this week to see how the show and book differ. I apologize if I offended anyone with my thoughts, you are completely allowed to have your own opinions, these just happen to be mine and I totally understand if yours are vastly different. =)

[doctorlaelia-ffxiv]

about laelia lux caelius

THE VITALS ——–

NAME: Laelia lux Caelius. Alias: Laelia Woodard.

AGE: 27.

NATIONALITY: Garlean.

CITIZENSHIP: Garlemald.

GENDER: Female.

OTHER INFORMATION ——–

RACE & CLAN: Hyur midlander, pureblooded Garlean.

NAMEDAY:  32nd Sun of the Sixth Umbral Moon. (December 31st.)

ORIENTATION: Heterosexual.

MARITAL STATUS: Happily in a relationship.

RESIDENCE: An apartment in the Mists.

OCCUPATION: Chirurgeon, currently working with refugees and poorer people in need of medical aid while in Eorzea.

PATRON DEITY: “…Undecided. Faith sounds nice.”

ALIGNMENT: Neutral good and trying her best.

APPEARANCE ——–

HAIR: Her hair is a bright white, wavy, and long, reaching right down to the middle of her back. More often than not, though, she keeps it tied up in a ponytail or a bun – as long as it’s out of her way.

EYES: Pale blue… and then that Garlean third eye, covered up by her hair.

HEIGHT: 5 feet and 3 ilms.

BUILD: Laelia is a soft and defined hourglass. While not overweight, she is full-figured, curvy, with a classically feminine figure.

COMMON ACCESSORIES: Laelia nearly always has at least a small bag of medical supplies on hand, though feels far more comfortable having a medical kit on her to attend to any kind of injuries she may come across.

FAMILY TIES ——–

SPOUSE: N/A

CHILDREN: N/A

PARENTS: Remus tol Caelius - retired Tribunus  Laticlavius (father, alive), Claudia fae Caelius - active Senator (mother, alive).

SIBLINGS: Julia bas Caelius (younger sister, alive), Cassia bas Caelius (younger half-sister, alive.)

OTHER RELATIVES: Laelia has a large family on both sides, all of them pureblooded Garleans save for her youngest sister, the result of an affair between Claudia and a Dalmascan freedom fighter.

PETS: A precious runt of a Canis Pugnax named Button.

OTHER: N/A

QUICK INFO ——–

extroverted / introverted / in between

disorganized / organized / in between

close minded / open-minded / in between

calm / anxious / in between

disagreeable / agreeable / in between

cautious / reckless / in between

patient / impatient / in between

outspoken / reserved / in between

leader / follower / in between

empathetic / unemphatic / in between

optimistic / pessimistic / in between / realistic

traditional / modern / in between

hard-working / lazy / in between

cultured / un-cultured / in between

loyal / disloyal / in between

faithful / unfaithful / in between

SMOKING HABIT: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

DRUGS: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess.

ALCOHOL: never / sometimes / frequently / to excess

OOC INFORMATION AND HOOKS ——–

If you are Garlean, especially one in the medical field or in the military field. Laelia was a well-respected surgeon and medic and worked as a combat medic since after her residency in a fancy hospital in Garlemald.

If you are a refugee or person in poverty in Ul’dah or Thanalan. Now that she’s run from Garlemald, Laelia has been trying very hard to continue to be charitable even in Eorzea to those not in the best circumstances. Maybe your character or their relative was gravely wounded and she found them in a refugee camp, or you’ve heard tell about the pretty, white-haired doctor helping injured and sick sailors coming into port in La Noscea.

I’m not super picky about hooks! It could be anything you want, medically related, Garlean related, or anything else in between! Laelia is a kind person with no love for the Empire anymore, but that doesn’t mean she’s no longer Garlean.

OOC, I AM…

Open to most all forms of RP! Slice of life, fluff, adventure, as well as mature themes such as violence, gore, horror, stalking, torture, sex, obsession, etc. are all fine with me. Just please ask before we get into any plots or RP that are darker themed!

Not willing to do permanent injury, disfigurement, or death for my characters.

I’m looking for all kinds of connections for Laelia. Friendships, people who distrust or even actively look to harm her because she’s Garlean, colleagues, and everything in between. I do ask that, since she is not very open about her Garlean heritage, that you do not assume your character knows she is without me giving you the okay OOC! She has officially defected and is presumed dead in Garlemald, with no loyalty to her nation, and is a neutral good character.

Pretty friendly! My preferred method of contact is here on Tumblr or in-game. I do have Discord, but it’s something where I have to be comfortable with you to give out! :)

On EST and on the Crystal Data Center!

[silenthillmutual]

Death Note (completed list)

all L/Light, unless specified otherwise.

Top 5:

Best Wishes From a Goddess of Death by The_Maiden_of_Autumn; M (fluff, AU, angst)  Misa Amane is not stupid- oblivious and airheaded sometimes, but definitely not lacking in intelligence. She can see the way Light and L are together, the regretful, sorrowful looks L gives her whenever she speaks to Light. She knows where this is heading; she just doesn't want it to be this way. But she's made her bed, and wishes them happiness, she truly does. Slight LightxL

Cake Crumbs And Bed Sheets by Jenwryn; M (AU, fluff, romance)  An inexplicable and very fluffy AU, written for Australia Day. In which L eats lamingtons and vanilla slice - and has help to fall asleep.

Kanji by sashocirrione; T (fluff, AU, hurt/comfort)  Light is bringing L home to meet his sister and mother, as L is now his boyfriend. But Light can't shake off the feeling that he was somehow tricked into the situation. Fluffy and probably somewhat OOC, not my usual style. Written for Persefone88, one of the winners of my 100th review contest, (started back when I was still running that contest).

(Now And Then There’s) A Fool Such As I by Light It Up; T (AU, fluff)  Knowing he couldn’t miss his first class, L took a deep breath and strode into the hallways, ignoring anyone who tried talking to him. By the time he was sitting at Biology and had his pencil twirling between his fingers, hearing the teacher explaining things he already knew and the girls to his right talking about stupidities he didn’t want to know, L just wanted to vent about how he was feeling. However, he would never do that with someone he actually knew.

you’re a wasp nest by raisuki; M (fluff, AU) But Light was already wandering off, his cane clicking rhythmically as he navigated the halls. He gave L a half-hearted wave before merging back into the flow of people. L was fairly sure he has just been tricked into buying Light Yagami dinner, and he was also pretty sure Light Yagami is the most audacious person he had ever met.

and now, for all the rest!

K/K+

Ambiguity Among Two by Fledgling  [L x Light. Hugging. Handcuffed. Ficlet.] L shuddered at the memory, and briefly, he dug his fingertips into Light's back, willing bruises inside that whispered of sleepless, difficult nights.

Bedtime by Servant Gabrielle (humor, romance) Drabble. LightxL. Sometimes, being handcuffed together caused a few problems.

Candy by Eriko Myoujin (romance) L wants to know if Raito enjoys candy. Supposed to take place during the time Raito has forfeited his memories of the Death Note. A silly little thing written for an LJ community. [LxRaito]

Candy is Dandy by firedraygon (humor) During a latenight investigation, L is craving some chocolate. LxRaito

Duplicity’s a Matter of Fact by lefcadio Light x L. A thunderstorm, an unexpected conversation, and cake.

I’m Glad I Found You by bri-notthecheese (+Misa/Matsuda; romance, friendship) No one would have expected a relationship to blossom between Investigator Touta Matsuda and Model Misa Amane. However, if a friendship developed between them while she was under suspicion and then she eventually decided to let Light go, Matsuda would be the perfect prince waiting for her when she decided that he was who she truly wanted and needed. Matsuisa ftw.

Observations by Asidian L does some unconventional observations. Too bad he can't convince himself it's for the good of the investigation. Light x L.

Out of Focus by Chiba.Kun (romance) [LightxL] Written from Light's POV. Oneshot. Not much to it. When the two are handcuffed together, innocent desires surface. I apologize for the crappy summary.

Sleepy Chains by WellspringIsSuperLame (romance) In which a tired Raito becomes rather suspicious of Ryuuzaki. Random little one-shot, LxRaito fun.

Starlight by subdivided (drama, romance) AU manga ending, LLight, one shot. The Kira case is declared solved before Light can regain his memory. He and L leave the party early, for a garden under the stars.

Sweeter Than Sugar by Manwyn (romance) LxRaito. L offer Raito one of his treats... AN: Sorry i'm not very good with summarys.

What I Lay Down by mleeph (romance, drama) Love comes in percentages, but sacrifice is a matter of absolutes. Thus, L comes to a realization at 1:19 in the morning. [Raito x L ]

G

3:19 Am by Tierfal (romance, drama) This is really not the time of day at which Light prefers to discuss their respective revelations. 

Bad Habits by domo (humor) Light hates it when Ryuuzaki bites his nails, Ryuu just wants to know if Light is gay or not.

Bananas by Tierfal (humor, romance) Best. Idea. EVER.

Cake by Desmenn

Confused "No thanks. I'm fine like this- confused."

Counting the Coffee Drip by NOT_TOWA_WAKASA (fluff) Light is a blind man who loves to count. L finds him curious, and wades through the holiday season to visit him wherever he may appear.

Dance With Me by dotti55 Light wants talks L into trying a new experience.

Easily Entertained by Tierfal (humor, romance) It's an important distinction.

First & Final by overdose I watched the most emotional Death Note scene in Death Note history. (I've only made it to L's death) So, I decided to do something with it. Kinds sucky and rushed.

The First Noel by OctaviaPeverell (romance) Because L loves Christmas desserts and Light can't get enough of handcuffs!

Four Minutes of Solitude by Tierfal (humor, romance) L tries to take a break, the operative word being "tries."

Heaven-Sent Hypocrisy by Tierfal (romance, fluff) Somebody up there was looking out for him.

mellifera by alharper He sleeps beside you, spare hand curled around the chain, six feet of arrogant beauty and ruthless intelligence softened and hidden.

Oh So Smart by Zanganito (+Misa/Light; fluff, angst, humor, hurt/comfort) Misa decides to have movie night! During the film, Light makes a few unwelcome realizations and is moved to tears. L takes advantage of the opportunity to mock him relentlessly. Set just after the conclusion of the Yotsuba arc.

On A Boat by Tierfal (humor, angst, romance, hurt/comfort, AU) Light is considering throwing himself over the side and trying to drown.

Perilous by Tierfal (humor, romance) It's just another evening… until it's not.

Perverted by Tierfal (humor, romance) It's all about the contingency plans.

Provocation by Jenwryn (humor) "I would not provoke Watari-san if I were you, Light-kun."

Resolved Tension by norestforthewckd (fluff) Light Yagami does not like Ryuzaki. Light Yagami is a very big liar with a bit of a soft spot for a certain man.

Sub Finem by RatatoskMode "...I still can’t believe that this is the end. No, it’s more like I don’t want to believe it. The only person I deemed worthy of taking my life was L himself, but to go this way is pathetic." Light Yagami is dying, and he's visited by a familiar ghost of his past.

The Taste by Tierfal (romance, AU) It makes perfect sense.

Will You Be My Valentine? by TabbyCat33098 (AU, fluff) L has been getting mysterious presents all day long, presents of a...how do you say? Romantic persuasion. What is going on? Who's sending these?

Word Play by CuteCat213 (AU, fluff) Remarkable: worthy of attention; striking. L bit his thumb and watched Light. His boyfriend certainly was striking. And he was sure Light wouldn't mind; there had to be at least six other things more creepy than watching his boyfriend sleep and tying to think of words to describe it.

T

Antioxidant Properties by remarks Rivals getting hot and bothered (mismatched socks and a kiwifruit).

Are you Lonesome Tonight? by Light It Up Their time apart had scarred the both of them. There were days someone would mention that High School relationships didn’t last long, or that when two people started dating at a too young age, they always ended up drifting apart. Those days were when L was the most vulnerable, and Light made sure to spend the night with him, whether at the Yagami house or at L and Watari’s.

The Boy’s Too Refined by sabriel75 (AU) The notorious detective, Sherlock Holmes, takes too keen of interest in Light and L's affairs. He suffers a concussed head for it. Light loses his innocence. Both were bound to happen sometime though as far as John Watson and L were concerned.

Caveat Emptor by Tierfal (humor, drama) In which there are shopping trips, sarcasm, backhanded compliments, dark rooms, big guns, bubble baths, trauma of every sort, and detailed fantasies involving cake - lots of those. Let the buyer beware indeed. L/Light.

Cherade by lefcadio Light x L. When you're handcuffed to someone, insomnia takes its toll in one way or another.

A Different Decision by phoenixjustice Maybe a world free of criminals and ran by Kira would truly be a better place.

Fevered by Ivydoll (Mello/Near; romance, drama) MelloNear. When Near's illness jars the boys' comfort zones, they lose some of their control and experience a slight tilt towards one another.

Fidgeting by Tierfal (romance, fluff, AU) "Don't squirm."

From the (Very Private) Notebook Of... by Shayheyred (humor, crack) Probability that L is a dork: 100%

The Ghost Inside You by slightowl In which Light must learn to cope with an undead roommate. (An LxLight ghost story.)

Giving And Taking by Jenwryn (AU, romance) AU. The Kira case is closed, and L had promised himself he'd make a move on his partner-in-crime-solving but... there's too much to risk losing.

grow old or something by youremyqueen The afterlife is a bit like normal life, in that it's completely dull.

Lay Your Hands On Me by Light It Up (AU, fluff) Of course, though, it was only seldom that Light remembered that. He couldn’t care less about when he’d leave this small, crappy apartment, not when every now and then he could catch scenes and sounds so enticing from the man he’d been in love with for about a year and a half.

Love Tonight by Light It Up (AU, fluff) Light looks at him with tears in his eyes, blinking a few times to force them back. Almost shyly, he nods, so L reaches up to brush away a stray tear from his cheek. “It’s your birthday, you idiot,” Light explains then, hugging his knees as close to him as he can.

Never Forgotten by metal goat (angst) Raito can never seem to forget L, no matter how hard he tries... LRaito, some RaitoMisa. Spoilers for Ch.58. Shounenai. Oneshot

The Plan by strange_isle (drama, AU) Light's scheme was both devious and elegant. Too bad it's gone awry. Now in the aftermath, L demands answers, but Light's not exactly in the most amenable of moods.

A Pocketful of Posey by Edmondia Dantes Redux (drama) Ashes, ashes, we all fall down. Light/L.

Sour Candy by Edmondia_Dantes On the taste of apples and sugar.

Special Quality by Tasogare Nagisa (crack) We are all defined by that one special quality; if only we knew what that quality was...

Sweet Things by Light it Up (AU, fluff) Their relationship had started just before the Kira case was closed. Light confessed to the detective that he was the assassin, and when he thought L was going to handcuff him and send him to prison, where he would wait for the jury to decide when his death sentence would take place, L had instead kissed him. Although he could never be completely sure of it, Light guessed that the fact that he was crying when he confessed was the factor that made L’s mind up.

Sweetest Decay by Fantastical Queen Ebony Black (Mello/Near; angst) Letting you get the better of me. MelloNear [Spoilers for chapters in the 90's]

Taste by Hikaru R Kudou (humor) Shounen ai, Raito and L. A conversation between the two over breakfast. Raito: "I happen to like them that way. Is my taste bothering you?"

Unreliable as the Mind by Ramasi Losing and regaining his memories doesn't make Light's already complicated feelings for his opponent any simpler; and L might have even less scruples about killing someone he loves.

What you’ve always known by Devilinthebox (hurt/comfort, angst) Light comforts L about his body image. L tries to put distance but needs the comfort. He lets some defenses down (Request)

White Sepulcher by World’sOnlyConsultingTimeLady (angst, romance) L's rationality falls on an ordinary, dull night. L/Light one shot

Winter Wonderland by Light it Up (fluff, AU) What Light didn’t mention, was that he was extremely sensitive to the cold. He had never gone out during the Christmas holidays because when he was very little, he had come down with pneumonia after staying out on a windy day, so his parents never allowed him out again.

World is Mine by Light it Up (fluff, AU) Given that information, it’s quite obvious that Light lost, and the idea L had was certainly the most embarrassing thing Light has ever heard in his life. His cheeks are read in the mirror, and he turns a few times to look at himself from every angle, his heart pounding against his chest. This is so not a good idea, and he’s sure L just wants to see him like that to laugh at him, but God, Light has to admit that he likes what he’s seeing.

M

Almost Oblivion by Serria L knows that Light doesn't close his eyes at night for fear of waking up as Kira. L, on the contrary, won't rest until that transition is complete.

An Apple a Day by hyperRme (romance, crime) ...but if the doctor is cute forget the fruit. L turns this into his motto when he is forced to see doctor Raito because of his sugar only diet. As he pursues the doctor, L learns that the murderer he is trying to catch is pursuing Raito’s life.

At Night by Vehuel (PWP) Things that happen at night should stay between the two of them. Secret, and covered in darkness.

Chance of Circumstances by wordbombs (romance, humor) Sometimes all happiness takes is a change of circumstances. L/Light, fluffly lemon meringue AU one-shot. Answers- What if Light was a Wammy?

Choose by reaperlight (AU, fluff, angst, humor) Light isn't too fond of Valentine's Day. As it turns out neither is L...

Control by mmmdraco From the 3 Sentence Ficathon: Death Note, L/Light, control

Daylight The Light Does Bring by Jenwryn (romance, fluff, AU) The detective rolls onto his side, displacing Light's trailing thumb, and stares up at the younger man.

Guilty until proven Innocent by Callicanios (mystery, romance) Kira has emerged, the great detective L sets out to stop him. Only thing, Light is not Kira. Due to the explicitly of the chapters beyond chapter 14 the rating will be changed to M. LxLight

Softly Now by Jenwryn (romance, AU) The apartment is laced with the smell of fresh paint, and L has flecks of blue upon his cheeks.

Somnambulism by reaperlight (crack, humor) Light does not appreciate L’s sense of humor.

Submission by lichenglie “I think you forget, Light Yagami, that I am just as childish as Kira is,” he says, “and I hate to lose.”

Water, water, water by Devilinthebox In the bath, they forget they’re a detective and a suspect; they remove these identities along with their clothes, layer by layer until there are only the handcuffs left. And them; facing the other in the eerie calmness of their bathroom. At least, it’s how Light sees it.

E

Anger Before Bliss by mannysue (angst) L was depressed. Depressed that his deduction was wrong. Light is very much not pleased by this change in L's demeanor. He decides to take action.

Bang! by youremyqueen Written for the second death note kink meme, prompt was: in bed with a fully loaded gun.

by night we go naked, by day we go blind by youremyqueen Written for the second death note kink meme, prompt was: sensory deprivation.

Can’t I Even Dream? by Light It Up (fluff, smut) They didn’t kiss; it was more like breathing each other’s air, being as close as physics allowed them to. Sometimes Light wished they could just freeze the world and stay in a moment forever, just enjoying their own company and that instant when their bodies were in perfect synchrony, hips meeting at every precise thrust.

Clean by FayJay Set during the period when Light had given up the Death Note, and didn't know he was Kira.

Dirty by FayJay Set during the period when Light had given up the Death Note, and did not know he was Kira. (Sequel to 'Clean', but can be read as a standalone.)

Interested in Learning More by Shadow_Of_Quill Light isn't asexual. He just has... unusual interests. And Ryuuzaki is very observant.

Intermission by Shiraume What happened right after the infamous fight in Vol 5.

Just Before Sunset by Evilchuckles (romance) Perhaps they don't want to remember. Perhaps it's enough to be happy.

Linked by Shayheyred The chain is not what connects them

Low of Solipsism by Light It Up (AU, fluff) Even after six months of them dating, Light still wondered what it was about L that drove him so wild. Before him he used to be a quiet lover, rarely making any sounds more than a moan here and there. That being said, it’s easy to understand that Light was surprised when they first started touching each other and he instantly became vocal.

Playing the Part by Vector L was alone in his intent stare at the monitors.

Roundabout Truth by Ramasi Light is furious when he's kept in chains after he regains his memories; he has no choice but to try and figure out L further.

See Me by Shadow_of_Quill (AU) Light sometimes thinks he'd give anything to have someone see him for who he really is.

Something to Think About by dotti55 Having moved to The Wammy's House together, L and Light share their first Valentine's Day together, and make some discoveries about their relationship and their future together.

That Night by sashocirrione L and Light have a hotel-room encounter that is not at all accidental. Complete but open-ended.

Time Out by epkitty (fluff) They were handcuffed together for how long???

[sea-and-storm]

KJRN, THE CRAFTY CORSAIR

* Here’s the redone version of Kjrn! Ignore the other profile going around!

[ BASIC INFORMATION ]

[FULL NAME]   Kjrn Fythe.

[PRONOUNCED]   Kee-ehrn Faiythe (rhymes with lithe).

[ALIASES]   None at present. At least, none to which she’ll answer.

[GENDER]   Female.

[AGE]  Somewhere in her 80s-90s, but appears approx. early to mid-thirties.

[NAMEDAY]   21st Sun of the Fourth Umbral Moon (8/21).

[RACE]   Rava Viera

[RELIGION]   Non-practicing.

[LANGUAGES]   Common, Dalmascan.

[ACCENT]   Icelandic, by real world standards.

[HANDEDNESS]   Ambidextrous.

[ APPEARANCE ]

[HAIR]   A mid-back length mess of loose brunette waves, generally pulled forward to drape over one shoulder. Soft and silky smooth, its care obviously involved much love and attention – and vanity.Touch at your own risk.

[EARS]   Short-furred, not overly long, and standing straight upright, with the same brown of her hair giving way into some white dappling towards their tips. 

[EYES]   Pale, rosy pink.

[COMPLEXION]   Medium tan with coppery undertones.

[HEIGHT]   6′2″ (before ears)  -  7′0″ (with ears)

[BUILD]   She’s neither muscle-rippling powerhouse nor dramatically curved bombshell, but equal enough between both to boast both a bit of shapeliness as well as being sturdier than one might expect.

[POSTURE]   Upright, cool, and cocksure are all good ways to put it.

[SCARS]   If she has any scars, she goes to great lengths to conceal them and she’s certainly not going to tell you about them.

[MARKINGS]   A set of three white markings almost always don her face, set in patterns of lines and dots. It’s an odd, almost tribal touch to a woman who for all else seems to rebuke her more traditional origins. She doesn’t seem wont to speak of their meaning.

[MANNER OF DRESS]   Kjrn is quite fond of nice clothing that shows off her wealth, and she has somewhat of a weakness for jewelry and gems. It’ll be a cold day in the seventh hell before you catch her willingly garbed in something drab or of low quality make.

[ COMBAT SKILL ]

[COMBAT CLASS]   Gunslinger.

[MELEE PROFICIENCY]   None  |  Low  |  Intermediate  |  High  |  Masterful

[RANGED PROFICIENCY]   None  |  Low  |  Intermediate  |  High  |  Masterful

[MAGICAL PROFICIENCY]   None  |  Low  |  Intermediate  |  High  |  Masterful

[HEALING PROFICIENCY]   None  |  Low  |  Intermediate  |  High  |  Masterful

[ATTRIBUTES] - - -  STRENGTH:   11 (+0) - - -  DEXTERITY:    15 (+2) - - -  CONSTITUTION:   11 (+0) - - -  INTELLIGENCE:   15 (+2) - - -  WISDOM:   13 (+1) - - -  CHARISMA:   14 (+2)

[WEAPONRY]  A 6-shot pepperbox revolver (mid range), single shot rifle (long range), and a thin-bladed estoc (close range) as a final line of defense.

[ARMOR]  Usually not terribly much. She prefers not to be weighed down, so if she’s going to wear armor, it’s usually in the form of leathers.

[COMBAT STRENGTHS]   Excellent aim. Fights well at mid- to long distances. Quick on her feet, both physically and mentally. Resourceful.

[COMBAT WEAKNESSES]  Struggles in close quarters or when in need of a reload. Not the strongest or most durable, physically. Particularly sensitive to magical effects cast upon her;  too much aetheric exposure, even of the positive variety, may trigger a brief berserk state until the excess aether is expended and exhaustion takes over.

[ EARLY YEARS ]

[HOMELAND]   Good luck finding out, because she’s not telling.

[PARENTS]   Mjra Fythe (mother)  -  Father Unknown.

[SIBLINGS]   Aela Fythe (younger sister)

[CLAN ROLE]   Huntress, tracker.

[CLAN STATUS]   Exiled.

[REASON(S) FOR LEAVING]   Kjrn left her homeland not once but twice, and that’s about as much detail as she will willingly impart on anyone without at least a fair few rounds being bought for her first.

[ LATER YEARS ]

[PAST RESIDENCE]   Dalmasca.

[PAST OCCUPATION]   Magitek salvager.

[PAST AFFILIATION]   Dalmascan Resistance.

[PAST FINANCIAL STATUS]   Moderate, comfortable.

[PAST SOCIAL STATUS]   Respected.

[PAST RELATIONSHIPS]   Pria Atoel, wife - deceased.

[PAST FRIENDSHIPS]  A number of friends and allies from the Resistance, as well as other Dalmascan citizens. (Open to background connections!)

[REASON(S) FOR LEAVING]   Left Dalmasca and set herself to wandering aimlessly once her wife, Pria, had passed.

[ PRESENT DAY ]

[RESIDENCE]   The open skies aboard her own small airship, the Fortuneseeker.

[OCCUPATION]   Some would define her lack of qualms about taking anything that isn’t nailed down (and some thing that are, with enough effort) as piracy or flat-out thievery. Kjrn prefers to call herself a simple treasure hunter and merchant of myriad miscellanea.

[AFFILIATIONS]   None actively, but still sympathetic to the Dalmascan Resistance and occasionally will send a bit of extra coin or goods their way through old contacts.

[FINANCIAL STATUS]   Well-off, or that’s what she’d like you to believe. Even when the money isn’t so good, she certainly won’t let on as if she’s broke.

[SOCIAL STATUS]   Hasn’t really stuck around in one place long enough in recent history to establish any roots, but there’s a few places that she may or may not be wanted by local authorities.

[RELATIONSHIP STATUS]   Widowed, shows little interest in courting anyone.

[PRESENT FRIENDSHIPS]   Keeps in touch with a few people from her Resistance days, but not many that she could call a close friend. (Open to connections!)

[VICES]   You can readily find Kjrn drinking, smoking, and even occasionally indulging in some drug use. But her worst vice of all is gambling. She can hardly turn down a good game of chance, especially when there’s betting involved.

[ ROMANCE & SEX ]

[GENDER IDENTITY]   Cisgender Female.

[ROMANTIC ORIENTATION]  Demi-homoromantic.

[EMOTIONAL ROLE]   Submissive  |  Dominant  |  Switch  |  Unsure

[RELATIONSHIP TENDENCIES]   Her biggest tendency is to just not get herself into a relationship, period. Relationships are like anchors that weigh her down from the skies she’s come to love most of all. 

[LOVE LANGUAGE]  Kjrn isn’t much of a verbal lover. She’ll drop an ‘I love you’ every now and then, but her love speaks through things like lavish gifts and pampering.

[SEXUAL ORIENTATION]   Homosexual.

[SEXUAL ROLE]   Submissive  |  Dominant  |  Switch  |  Unsure

[LIBIDO]   Average. She’s not bereft of want, nor is ruled by base physical needs.

[ATTRACTED TO]   Confidence. Wittiness. Ability to hold a good conversation. Thrillseekers. Fellow lovers of the skies. Physical attractiveness. Money.

[TURN OFFS]   Shyness. Indecisiveness. Clinginess. Jealousy. Lack of intelligence. Anyone afraid of heights.

[ PERSONALITY TRAITS ]

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

[ HOOKS ]

TREASURE HUNTER Kjrn presently makes her living by delving into ruins, tombs, and other such places most folk have no business wandering into in search of anything she might turn a profit on. Want some company on a good ol’ dungeon delving? Or your character responds to a posting she’s made seeking assistance? 

SKY PIRATE Annnd sometimes when the more legally palatable treasure hunting jobs are lacking, Kjrn may or may not turn to a bit of piracy to fill the gaps. She’s targeted everything from small Garlean crafts to merchant vessels, usually trying to avoid violence where she can. Maybe your character was on one of these vessels, or has come to seek one of the bounties placed upon her for said crimes? Or maybe – just maybe – your character is interested in signing on with her?

CAPTAIN OF THE FORTUNESEEKER As mentioned before, Kjrn owns her own small airship by the name of the Fortuneseeker. She claims the title of captain upon her, with a crew of about ten (NPCs) underneath her. Maybe you’re looking to sign onto the crew? Or maybe you just have a more temporary need for someone with an airship to ferry yourself or any goods – legal or otherwise – from one place to the next? The sky’s the limit!

MERCHANT OF MYRIAD MISCELLANEA Naturally, after a victorious venture in dungeoneering or plundering, Kjrn will usually come out of it with a number of items in need of off-loading. She has a particular eye for anything shiny and beautiful like gems and jewelry, but she’s also been known to come back with anything from weapons to magical items to sell to whomsoever is inclined to pay good coin. Come buy something shiny from her!

DALMASCAN RESISTANCE AFFILIATE Kjrn and her wife, Pria, were once fairly respected members of the Resistance, salvaging Garlean magitek to refit and use against them when all was said and done. However, after the former’s passing, Kjrn stepped down from her active position in the Resistance to take on a more auxiliary role by helping support it financially. She still maintains connections to the Resistance to this day, and some still haven’t given up the hope that she might eventually return to the fight.

GAMBLING ADDICT Kjrn’s vice of choice would be a good drink, some good company, and a good game of cards. Or dice. Or anything, really, so long as there are stakes involved. It’s a pretty general and basic hook, but hey! It works!

GOT OTHER IDEAS? Maybe you’ve read through this profile and something other idea than these hooks has sparked your muse? If so, let me know! This isn’t an exhaustive list of hooks, so I’d be excited to hear your ideas!

[ OOC ]

[CALL ME]   Jali, Ghoa, Kjrn.. Anything but weird overly familiar petnames! (She/her)

[I AM…]    A 27-year-old woman who works a full time job and plays multiple tabletop games as well as playing FFXIV, so my schedule can be kinda all over the place. I also love cats and really bad puns and writing drabbles that make people’s hearts hurt.

[AVAILABILITY]    Most weekday evenings from 5PM - 10PM Central. Weekends, pretty much whenever. Not available most Wednesdays, and some Thursdays/Saturdays due to various D&D games! Also please note that Kjrn is an alt character. Meaning I won’t be available for RP on her 24/7! Please be sure you’re okay with this before reaching out!

[IN GAME NAME]   Crafty Corsair.

[SERVER]  Balmung (Crystal), but willing to world-visit for RP!

[PREFERRED RP METHODS]   Discord has quickly become my #1 RP platform because I can post even when I’m busy with something else or when I’m having a slow day at work. I can also do in-game RP, usually so long as we work out a day/time in advance! Sometimes I can do impromptu RP requests, but not often!

[HARD NO’S]  

RP of any sort with real-life minors. Sorry, I just don’t feel comfortable writing with anyone under eighteen!

Characters that are minors ICly are tentatively fine, but I will absolutely not RP any romantic, sexual, mature, dark, or otherwise questionable themes with such a character;  and likewise, I will not RP with anyone whose minor character engages in this sort of RP with others, either.

Fetishistic characters, i.e. “f*ta”, “tr*p”, etc. Actual transgender, agender, genderfluid, etc. characters are 100% fine, but if your character is written not as a fleshed out person but as thinly veiled ERP-bait, I’m not interested.

OOC Romance or possessiveness or clinginess. Just… don’t. I don’t want to date you. I don’t want to sext with you. I don’t want to be up your butt 24/7, and I sure as hell don’t want you up mine. RP partners with reasonable personal space boundaries only need apply, please!

ERP-heavy/only connections.  I’m not opposed to sexual RP coming up, but I ask that it not be the goal of every single or even a good deal of the RP we do. To be entirely honest, I much prefer fade-to-black as opposed to writing out such scenes, anyway. Please respect this! Pressuring for ERP is immediate grounds for ceasing all RP and potentially all contact entirely.

[acuppellarp]

Welcome (again) to A Cup-pella, Morgan! We’re excited to have you and Sandy Owen in the game! Please go through the checklist to make sure you’re ready to go and send in your account within the next 24 hours.

OOC INFO

Name + pronouns: Morgan + she/her Age: 26 Timezone: EST Ships: Sandy/Chemistry, Sandy/Happiness Anti-Ships: Forced!!!

IC INFO

Full Name: Sandy Patience Owen Face Claim: Meghann Fahy Age/Birthday: 29/February 4, 1990 ~ Aquarius queen Occupation: Pediatric Surgeon Personality: Intelligent, Ambitious, Passionate, Silly, Guarded, Resolute, Nurturing Hometown: Charlotte, North Carolina Bio:Before her little sister came along, Sandy was the apple of their parents’ eyes. She was read to every single night, her lunches always had fruits and veggies, and her dreams were sugar plums almost every night. Then came Penny, and Sandy’s dreams became much different. Sandy became the big sister of anyone’s dreams. Their parents noted how careful Sandy was when holding Penny and just how loving she was toward the baby. They just knew the two would be best friends.

Sandy was always considered a leader as she was growing up. She wasn’t a huge sports fanatic, mostly because she would rather be busy with her studies or the piano. As their parents were both in the medical field, Sandy felt pressure to do well in school. Thus, she tried her very best at all times. For as long as she could remember, especially after becoming a big sister and helping her mother at every chance, Sandy wanted to work with babies and children. Whether that was a pediatrician or a pediatric surgeon, she wanted to help little ones feel better.

Headstrong and full of energy, Sandy always knew her place was at the front. Though she could have just as easily been a bully, growing up with a sibling so close in age forced her to set a good example in front of little Penny. She soon became the girl that stood up for others in every situation. As it were, the quality paid off when she completed externships at the local hospital as her favorite patients were the little ones that couldn’t always express how they were feeling. This developed her need even further to stand up for the little humans that were in pain and help them in anyway she could. Her future career seemed to be solidifying itself before her eyes.

At the age of 15, Sandy sat her parents down with a poster presentation on her sexuality. Because of her research and the passion inserted in her words, her parents felt that she had truly thought about what she was saying. They accepted her with love and tears in their eyes. Being bisexual may have been fine in the Owen household, it was still continuously difficult outside the doors. The loving nature of her parents and sister could only get Sandy so far. It was up to her to stand up for herself at school and anywhere else. Loads of people talked behind her back stating that she was going through a stage, many thought she was doing it for attention. When she did get her first girlfriend at the age of 17, boys would flock to them on their dates to the movies and prompt them to kiss. It only took Sandy punching an unruly boy to get them to settle down once and for all. For the rest of her time in high school, she had few people bully her into submission. It just couldn’t be done.

Her first girlfriend followed her to UNC Chapel Hill where she studied Pre-Medical Sciences. The relationship didn’t last long as Sandy devoted far too much time to her studies. Sandy had decided, against her advisor’s wishes, to take more credits than was advised so that she could graduate early and begin her graduate plans. As much as Sandy was focused on her career and studies, she still made time to join a sorority, find her first boyfriend, break up with her first boyfriend, and find out that she was really into Moscow mules.

After she graduated a year early, Sandy began her graduate career at Johns Hopkins School of Medicine. At the age of 22, Sandy was finding that she was going to spend most her life in school. Though she was decently okay with that fact, she made a promise to herself to make the effort in relationships if her studies did not suffer. Much to her chagrin, the majority of her relationships did not last longer than 6 months. The reasoning all differed, but Sandy knew it was because they could not handle her busy schedule of classes and preceptor hours. She understood how they felt in some way, knowing the stories her parents would tell. It still left her incredibly lonely, yearning for something more in her life.

3 years into her graduate program a shockwave soon came that ripped through Sandy’s life, tearing up every root that ever grounded her. The death of her father came as a complete blindside. The man was healthier than his peers and always went to every doctor appointment, assuring himself a long life to watch his daughters have babies of their own. Family was so important to him. Sandy rushed home, throwing all her responsibilities out the window, begging the heads of her program to understand that she may need a few weeks off to gather up the pieces of her life. They obliged, the people at Johns Hopkins had families of their own and respected Sandy enough to know that this was a defining time in her life.

To say that the Owens were devastated would be an understatement. Sandy even considered transferring closer to home just to be closer to her mom. Suzie Owen would not have any part of that. There were many nights where Sandy would end up in her mother’s bed begging her to let her transfer home, but at the end of the 3 weeks, Suzie and Penny helped Sandy pack her things to send her back to Baltimore. Sandy ended up with a chip on her shoulder that increased her focus tenfold, something her colleagues didn’t think was possible. She took it upon herself to have her father’s legacy mean something, to complete her residency, become a surgeon, and live her life in his honor. It was the least she could do.

The years seemed to fly by as Sandy devoted herself almost entirely to her career and her family, letting other aspects of her life fall by the wayside. After her graduation and residency, Sandy made the final decision to follow Penny to New York City. Though unconventional, she knew that her little sister was wise beyond her years and made the best of decisions for her life. Sandy had to make sure Penny was going to be well taken care of and protected at all costs. So in September of 2019, Sandy made the adult decision to move herself to New York and start all over again.

Pets: No pets because she doesn’t have the time. She wouldn’t be opposed to getting a cat in the future.

Relationships:

Penny Owen: As the older sister, Sandy has ALWAYS looked after Penny. Whether they were in elementary school, high school, or in New York City as adults. Being that the two are close in age, they do have their arguments every now and then, but they are thick as thieves. After the passing of their father, they grew closer and closer. Sandy finds herself holding back emotions from Penny at times to protect her, however.

April’s Growers: After moving to New York, Sandy found herself a routine with the hospital, her home life, and her sister. She needed something more. With that, Penny told her about the Growers and Sandy had to join. Sandy likes to come up with ideas for the group to accomplish and loves to work with the group and her friends.

EXTRA INFO

Lives in 15 CORNELIA ST APT 7F by herself currently

Twitter name/twitter URL/description: Dr. Owen/sandyowen-md/☼

Five latest tweets:

@sandyowen-md: I’m just glad I get to wear teddy bear scrubs whenever I want #aesthetic

@sandyowen-md: I promise I’m not glaring at you, my glasses are getting fixed. #innocentbystander

@sandyowen-md: Siri, google insomniac cookies begin order

@sandyowen-md: apple cider > pumpkin spice #comeforme

@sandyowen-md: There’s just something about snow that amazes me everytime…

[kaqeyamas]

HOLDING MY OWN HAND

[ natalia dyer, twenty three, female, she/her ] ━ hey, I just saw [ jacqueline “jackie” buchanan ] walking down the streets of crownsville. they’ve lived in town for [ twenty three years ], and you can catch them around town working as a [ college student ]. I hear they’re known to be [ passionate & childish ] and [ impulsive & dependent ]. if asked, they would say their aesthetic would be [ oversized sweaters, expensive liquor, matching lingerie, 90′s horror films ]. ━ [ ooc: summerlea, 24, est, she/her ] 

WALKING ALL ALONE DOWN A ROAD

— it’s said that most people’s lives are predetermined before they even leave the womb, and jacqueline edita buchanan was living proof that sometimes it was actually true. the second child of katrina buchanan, born just a year and a half after her brother, caleb, jackie was a surprise, to say the least. having lost her husband eight months after the birth of their first child while in the line of duty, katrina had been forced to keep the household together, which resulted in the new mother taking over double shifts at a local diner to stay afloat on the bills, as well as keep food on the table for herself and her son. one night, she met a man by the name of joseph godfrey, a businessman from new york who happened to run a quite successful newspaper. the two hit it off immediately, and after a few months of weekend visits, katrina found herself pregnant with the child of a man who was already married. he made it very clear that he wanted no part in the baby’s life, though he promised to pay his dues and whatever else the woman needed. too proud, katrina declined, deciding she would raise their daughter on her own. 

— the family struggled a majority of jackie’s life. her mother worked nights and picked up odd jobs around town to make end’s meet, working herself to the point where her children barely saw her, let alone actually knew her. It wasn’t until jackie was twelve that katrina lost her job, and at her wit’s end, afraid of losing everything she had worked so hard for, agreed to accept joseph’s money. it was more than enough to get by, and truthfully, the family wanted for nothing. especially jackie, being as he had set up a bank account for his only daughter, pending terms and conditions. 

— much like his own sons in new york, joseph expected a lot of his children, and while he finally took an interest in jackie around the same time the checks began to flow, the young girl excited to finally have a father figure in her life, she quickly came to realize that he wasn’t like the parents her friends had. he had groomed his children for success, and despite the lack of presence in her life, he expected the same of jackie, equating success to love. 

— jackie has always had bad grades, and she was prone to getting herself into trouble with a foul mouth and knack for underage drinking, and she’s never really been great at much, or at least that is what she has been convinced over the years since meeting joseph. no matter how hard she tried, she was never able to make him proud, something she desperately wanted to do more than anything else. still, the man continued to fund her credit cards as well as pay her college tuition when the time came, something he would hold over her head until the day she made his investments worth it.

— jackie was in her first year of college when she was officially diagnosed with fibromyalgia, something she keeps hidden from all of her friends, relying on the medications in her bedside table to keep fro being in pain each and every day. she’s ashamed of her condition, and feels as though it sometimes limits her, but she refuses to let anyone know because she doesn’t want it to define her. she doesn’t want pity or to be treating differently because of it. 

— college was a game changer for the girl, finally giving her the opportunity to move out and become more of her own person. of course, she never shook the crushing feelings her father had left with her, still popping in on her life from time to time despite living in new york. jackie’s low self esteem was easily to blame for a lot of the decisions she made, most of them involving alcohol and boys. once she was old enough, or not, she had began seeking approval from anywhere she could find it, usually ending up in somebody’s bed for the night, or drinking until she couldn’t remember how she had gotten home. the older she got, the more she relied on these things, often finding herself in sticky situations. 

— boys and bad grades aside, jackie has still managed to come out somewhat on top, a bubbly and ditzy personality lighting up nearly every room she entered. she has come to terms with the decisions she makes, comfortable with the parties she attends and the attention she craves. she’d grown to equate a man’s touch to love, and approval of any sort the way. she’s downright messy and still trying to figure everything out, but at the end of the day, the only thing she really wants is somebody to love her, and make her believe she’s worthy of it.

AND TELL ME I WON’T ALWAYS BE LONELY 

high school / local connections : 

— LUCY BIRCH, jackie’s oldest and best friend from high school. the two were two peas in a pod, creating trouble for the world every chance they found. too physical to just be friends, they have crossed the line far too many times, usually while drunk, and it has caused problems between them more times than they could keep track of, feelings complicated an otherwise effortless friendship. 

— LENNON, under construction.

— CASSI, under construction. 

— HAZEL, under construction. 

friend / enemy connections : 

—

—

—

romantic / sexual connections : 

— WILLIAM BLOOM, life long friends. shared their first kiss at the age of twelve, at a middle school party. a complicated relationship with mixed feelings of longing and jealousy. now that they’re older, they’ve fallen into the routine of holding hands in public and shedding clothes behind closed doors. jackie is in love with him, but she’s terrified of what that means.

— ORION DEVINE, under construction.

— GABRIEL JOHNSON, under construction.

— KENDRICK HENDERSON, under construction.

— BEN JONES, under construction. 

[kainosite]

Les Misérables 2018, Episode 1

So I guess all the cool kids are doing episode reviews, huh?

As I’ve said, we can’t properly evaluate this adaptation until we find out whether Gavroche makes fun of Enjolras’s beard, but here are my thoughts so far.

The Good:

• Merging the timelines so the narrative can follow all three protagonist groups simultaneously was a brilliant adaptation decision.  It slightly borks Fantine and Cosette’s timeline, but it was so, so worth it because it solves the “my second protagonist iz pastede on yay” problem that afflicts so many versions of Les Misérables, including the Brick.  I understand why Marius is there, but I’m not convinced Hugo’s audience cared even at the time, and if they did 50% of his narrative purpose evaporated at the Battle of Sedan.  If Davies wanted to do a reasonably faithful adaptation that gives Marius equal time with Valjean he really needed to address this problem somehow, and he did, and it works.  The intercutting was maybe a little faster than ideal, but this was an inspired choice.

• This adaptation has the best sense of place of any I’ve seen, including the 1934 French one which was actually filmed on location but didn’t really believe in establishing shots.  The bagne was extremely well done, Digne looked like Digne, Paris was passible.

• The Pontmercy/Gillenormand group were FLAW FREE.  Baby Marius was adorable, Georges was hot and sad, Gillenormand was a flaming pile of royalist trash.  I felt like this adaptation really got him in his horrible Ultra soul.  These are far and away the best English-language Georges and Gillenormand we’ve ever had, and possibly the best of all time.

• Nicolette is the hero of this episode apparently?  I am very okay with this, and I feel like Hugo would be too.

• Favourite was great.  OOC, but great.  2018!Favourite can stay.

I’m very unconvinced by the “If Fantine had real friends she wouldn’t have so many problems” criticism I’ve been seeing.  Real friends are up for giving you sound advice like “These guys are not marriage material; don’t fall for this ‘I’m a ~poet~’ bullshit” and “Use the tour, Fantine; that’s what it’s there for.”  They are not up for subsidizing your poor family planning choices for more than a decade until your baby is old enough to bring in a wage.  They might be able to club together to cover Fantine’s rent for a quarter – and perhaps they do; she doesn’t leave Paris until Cosette’s a toddler – but they’re living on the margins themselves.  Favourite is canonically supporting her mother.  Ultimately they have to be saving so they have the capital to form their own households.  This is a classic “secure your own oxygen mask first” scenario, and Fantine’s situation is not something they are equipped or morally obliged to handle.

• Good English accent decisions, more or less.

• The costuming was pretty decent.  The bagne uniforms were very, very good.

The Meh:

• So far I am not a fan of the interpretations of either Valjean or Javert in this, although their character-defining scenes won’t come until Montreuil.

That said, I think Valjean’s extreme aversion to violence post-redemption tends to eclipse in people’s minds the bit where he stood over Myriel’s bed contemplating whether or not to stave his skull in for no fucking reason, which was also a thing he did in the Brick.  The fact that we’ve never seen him act violently doesn’t mean he was incapable of it.  He’s clever and good at exploiting an opportunity, and at that stage of his life he hates the world in general and the bagne guards in particular an awful lot.  The “rocks fall, guards die” sequence is not an adaptation choice I like, but I think it’s a defensible one.

Likewise, Smugvert is a time-honored tradition even if it’s one I find trite and point-missing, and Oyelowo is clearly having a ball with it, so you do you, 2018!Javert.

• Myriel was neither great nor bad, although shoutout to Mme. Magloire for that “Was all that silver really ours in the first place?”  “Yes, of course it was!” exchange.

• Baptistine and Mlle. Gillenormand apparently don’t exist in this adaptation?  I’m choosing to believe they ditched their controlling relatives and ran off together to have fabulous lesbian Catholic zealot adventures somewhere.

• There was a shitload of Tholomyès in this.  He was perfect, but there can be enough of a perfectly adapted thing.  In Tholomyès’ case “enough” would probably be around 30 seconds’ worth.  I jest, but I think there’s some merit in the criticism that we were seeing the relationship more from his perspective than Fantine’s.  It might have been better to spend more time establishing the dinginess and drudgery of her daily life prior to becoming his mistress, and less time on him.

• Starting with Waterloo makes the Pontmercys the primary leg of the Valjean/Fantine+Cosette/Marius stool.  On some level I guess that’s fair enough, since they never get their fair share of attention in adaptations and they’re the thing this adaptation is doing best, but it’s very odd.

• I don’t loathe the French background dialogue, but neither am I convinced it was a good idea.

• I’m still a bit annoyed about the inaccuracy of the bagne chain situation, although I think there are actually sound narrative reasons for not giving Valjean a chainmate.

• For an adaptation written by a guy who hates the musical, this miniseries sure seems convinced that the guards only address the convicts by number, and very keen on having Jean Valjean shout his name at regular intervals.  None of that is from the Brick.

The Bad

• The red location titles.  WHY.

• We shall not speak of the women’s hair.

• Not to kinkshame the Telegraph but we understand people in history had the same bodily functions that we do.  It’s not actually necessary to watch them perform them.

• There were some really odd decisions about how to allocate screen time: the timeskip sky montage, picking up Valjean’s nighttime wanderings after he’d been denied a place at the inn rather than spending 30 seconds to show him getting chucked out, some of the grisette scenes.

• Some of the complaints about the dialogue seem unjust to me, but some of it was... not the best.

• I’m happy to accept a pre-redemption Valjean whose antisocial hostility is a matter of firm conviction rather than a vague, inchoate resentment, but even under those circumstances “YAAARGH!” is not an appropriate response to someone you just tried to rob giving you expensive candlesticks.

• Likewise I am happy to accept that the robbery of Petit Gervais was a deliberate act, and possibly a sort of fuck-you directed towards Myriel’s decision to buy Valjean’s soul and sell it to a third party without his consent after nineteen years of people doing shit to him without his consent, but if Valjean’s not in a fugue state running about two feet down the road half a minute after the kid is out of sight does not constitute an adequate attempt at restitution.  This would have been a good moment for a timeskip sky montage.

On balance, pending the Judgment of Gavroche, I think this adaptation is fine.  It’s not doing what I want with my favorite characters, but I got my Valjean and my Javert in 1978.  It’s only fair the Georges Pontmercy fans should get their turn.

[hollowedrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, LISSA! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Frank Longbottom. While reading you app, I could not only see the ways in which Frank has developed so far, but what’s to come for his character. Not to mention, your in depth description of his relationship with Alice. Somehow, you made Frank and Alice feel like people I know in real life, not just text on a page. Truly, your app was impressive from start to finish, and if I had to point out specifics on why I loved your portrayal, I’d be writing an essay. 

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

OOC.

Name: Lissa

Age: Twenty-Two

Preferred Pronouns: She/Her

Timezone: PST

Activity: I currently work full-time, but on my days off I would be fairly active. If I had to assign it a numeric value, I’d say maybe a 6-7/10?

Are you applying for more than one character?: Not currently, but I’m certainly tempted to!

How do you feel about your character dying?: Although I’d be pained to see him go, if it served a purpose and was well thought out, which I’m sure it would be, I could be convinced.

Anything else?: Nope!

IC Details.

Full Name: Francis Theodore Longbottom, but please, for the love of Merlin, just call him Frank.

Francis: It’s an old family name that has been handed down from progenitor to progenitor like some sort of sacred relic. He’s been told it can be traced back to the age of Merlin, to age of knights and chivalry, predating even Hogwarts’ crumbling stone walls—his first name, just like his last, is a reminder of their austerity, their contribution to the world of magic and Frank certainly believes it’s ancient. Only two individuals in all the world are allowed to use his given name: the first being his dear old mother and the other is his beloved wife, Alice. Still, whenever they use it, he has a tendency to “not hear them”—whether it’s accidental or purposeful is up to your interpretation.

Theodore: Of his three given names, he hates this one the least—perhaps, it’s because he hears with this one the least. Nonetheless, its meaning is, “gift of God.” In the past, he’d remind Alice that’s exactly how he expected her to treat him, like he’s been sent from the heavens above. It’d be enough to elicit a laugh from her petal pink lips, but that was a lifetime ago; now all they seem to do is haunt each other.

Longbottom: It’s a name that he owes much to and although he does not revere it as others do, it does amuse him that the name “Longbottom,” in all its ridiculousness, is included on a document detailing the “Sacred Twenty-Eight.″ Still, Frank is proud to be just that, a Longbottom, but for reasons that differ from his peers. His lineage, established eons ago, placed him in the upper echelons of their society, but ultimately it was what forced him out in the end. Sometimes he wonders how the others were raised; how they could all be so different, but yet so alike. He always comes to the same conclusion: none of it matters, everyone bleeds red in the end.

Date of Birth: December 20th, 1956—Sagittarius (Generous, Idealistic, Enthusiastic)

Former Hogwarts House: Gryffindor—it’s expanded upon below, but I can say he was very nearly a Ravenclaw.

Sexuality: Heterosexual

Gender/Pronouns: Cisgender Male; He/Him

Face Claim Change: N/A

More.

How do you interpret this character’s personality? How will you play them? Include two weaknesses and two strengths.

These key traits are expounded upon below:

Positive: Determined, Intelligent, Noble, Passionate

Negative: Stubborn, Selfish, Mercurial, Vengeful

As a child, he was all consuming. Always active and fussy for attention, wailing throughout the night until he was blue. For him, it was all or nothing; Frank could never do anything in half-measures. First, it began with securing Augusta’s undivided attention, then it led to thumbing through all the books in his family’s library even though some tomes were denser than Rabastan Lestrange’s skull. Once he was done with that, Frank set his sights on the land surrounding their vast estate, exploring like a New World cartographer, set on leaving no stone unturned. In some respects, it was an innocuous trait, but at times it would overtake him. Let’s call it what it was: greed with, perhaps, a touch of selfishness.

While at Hogwarts he tried and sometimes failed to keep his voracity in check. He pursued each of his passions to completion. Only when Frank was quite literally at a loss, did he meet absolution. His orbit was thrown and his world was shaken by the girl with the eyes like warmed honey. Just as he was a taker, Alice was equal parts a giver—it could’ve gone wrong in so many ways, but oh how it didn’t. She checked his greed, made him expand beyond his selfishness. They would’ve been untouchable too, if things had panned out better—for awhile, in fact, they were untouchable. But the truth is, it won’t be the Death Eaters that get him at the end of it all—no, his hamartia is his greed, his need for more. If anyone will be his undoing, it will be himself. Frank demands answers, blood for blood, and always more, more, more. It will never be enough though—nothing will ever fill this wound that’s been left raw and festering.

He’d be the first to admit that up until this point, his life has certainly been charmed. It’d be easy to credit his triumphs to the Fates or Felix Felicis or whatever dictates good fortune in your mind, but ultimately Frank is responsible for success he has found in life. Even as a child, he would make calculated moves in an upward direction—blatantly pursuing his life’s goals with a kind of singularity that can only be described as unrelenting. This contrasts Alice quite nicely; through the years she has allowed herself to be defined by her passivity. She is pliant like clay, permitting others like her mother or even Moody to mold her into another and to direct her course. Frank, however, is rigid in his ways; from birth, he’s been the one helming the ship. This is due to his privileged upbringing; Frank has always been afforded his own choices and rarely were there ever true consequences to his actions.

The best example of this juxtaposition is what happens upon graduation. Alice allows herself to become an Auror after Moody’s intervention, which differs strikingly from Frank, who actively sought out the position for himself. After years of honing his craft while playing Wizard’s Chess, he believed it would be the next best move and most natural transition. He was right. Swiftly, he rose in the ranks, planning ambush after ambush, mapping out elaborate plans on the backs of old Ministry memos; first alone, then with Alice. There were, of course, the occasional missteps resulting in broken limbs (mainly his own) and bruised cheeks (mainly Kingsley’s), but his track record was solid and became much more refined after Alice joined him. At the core of it all, although Frank prides himself on being a skillful tactician—it’s Alice who has bested him before; it’s Alice who dissects him and sees beneath the carefully crafted veneer. However, it’s his drive and perseverance that guides them into the breach of war and out the other side.

This is also what divides them, however; Frank cannot face the consequences or the mistakes he’s made in the past. He cannot concede defeat and admit to his misgivings. For all his talk about pragmatism, his emotionality over his son’s death is what clouds his mind. He was so used to being able to see ahead, beyond the superficial, that a failure of this magnitude is unforgivable to him. For the boy that was constantly planning and plotting, making leaps and bounds to outwit his opponents; first on the chessboard, then on the battlefield—Frank cannot make sense of it all. Now, his dogged cleverness is set upon a new quest, he’s tracing out all the connections he missed and catching new ones, but the question is: is this paranoia or foresight? He’d be remiss to say that sometimes, now more than ever, the lines do blur a bit.

In truth, he’s poisoned by his need for retribution and he knows it. His recent thoughts and actions have been some of his greatest acts of sabotage, but instead of setting upon the evil that exists in the world, Frank has been undermining himself. Brick by brick, he pulls the foundation of his life apart, stubbornly clinging onto rationality and order in a time where the world is in disarray. He claims he needs answers for justice, to comprehend how it all went wrong, but the ones that truly know him know he’s lying. In actuality, Frank is a hypocrite—he is blinded by his emotions, lost in the tumult of rage and despair. In his misery, he’s abandoned her and with his own hollow eyes he sees how she looks at him like of all the loss she’s experienced, he’s the freshest wound. Frank has always been Alice’s touchstone, but now he is lost to her and the whole damn world. This is what happens when the young hero escapes childhood unscathed by the world; the first taste of tragedy begets madness. It is who he is though.

However, when all is said in done, Frank Longbottom is good. Although he comes from a background rife with privilege, he has always had an innate desire to help others whenever he can. It was his steadfast nobility that got him placed in Gryffindor as a young child and his tried and true bravery that finally led him to the Order. Although there are instances in which he falls short of the mark, Frank constantly strives to uphold his House traits. Lately, it’s been difficult, to say the least, but somewhere underneath all the bitterness and fury, he still wants to do the right thing. The rest of the Order members believe in him—it’s just he’s lost faith in himself.

How has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

In truth, the whole business of war had been easier before Neville. Life was just another game to him and with Alice by his side, there was no fear of losing. He collected Death Eaters like trophies, using stratagem he learned from playing Wizard’s Chess to ensnare them. Each capture of theirs served as a checkmate; each threat of retaliation echoed the petulant cries of a sore loser. Frank liked playing hero; he liked engaging in this act of rebellion against his blood. After all, what did he have to lose?

Once Neville was born however, his perspective shifted. He was no longer interested in the thrill of it all, but instead, he sought to make his young son proud of his father. It was then he noticed once unmasked, these enemies of his were characters that dotted his boyhood, friends of friends, and not just casualties of war, but also of his life’s story. It was perhaps a cautionary tale, that it was not nature that separated him from the others, but nurture. Even then though, Frank hadn’t learned his lesson. He didn’t take the betrayal seriously enough, not until he crossed into the Malfoy’s foyer and recognized the wand pointed inches away from his son’s forehead, thin lips speaking into existence Death and all the tragedy that came with Him. In a flash of green, life as he knew it ended and stupidly, Frank never saw it coming.

Now, quite frankly, he’s adrift—lost to Alice, the Order, and even to himself. In his grief, Frank has become unmoored, detached from reality, and living in a hell he has constructed with his own two hands. He is plagued by his willful ignorance, obsessed with the questions he holds himself accountable for: the who, the what, the why, and the where—but perhaps the greatest of all his questions, the one he can’t bear to answer is: how did he let this come to be?

Where does this character currently stand? With those who wish to hide in Godric’s Hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? Why?

Frank is suspended somewhere between grief and madness, just one soft shove away from crossing that fine line into insanity. What happened that fateful day was more than just a tragedy, it was a trauma that is now etched into the very marrow of his bones. Everyday, the memory takes root and haunts him without provocation or any hope for repose. When Alice screams in the dead of the night, it mirrors the image he has of her and her pretty face, mouth agape as their child grows cold. In this, he doesn’t know how to comfort her or soothe her. He can offer no solace as he cannot find any himself. This boy who had grown used to having all the answers, used to having the world right at his fingertips, has collapsed in on himself like a star half-extinguished somewhere deep in the universe.

In truth, he’s just numb to the plight of others now. Frank is drowning in his sorrow, too self-involved to notice Alice’s suffering, too blinded by his need for vengeance, and too bent on forcing the world to finally make sense again. He will not divert from his course despite what the other members say. How can he let this go? How does he stop it from swallowing him whole? In these moments, he can’t imagine the future, much less build for it—not when it was already so deliberately snatched out of his grip. For now, he’s on his own side, his son’s side, and whether she believes it or not, he’s never not on Alice’s side.

How is Frank looking into the death of his son? Does he have any theories about what happened? Where did he get those theories?

Frank has always been a damn good Auror and although his world has tilted on its axis, this is a fact that hasn’t changed. If he’s honest, a fair number of his theories are more conspiratorial than founded in reason, fed by his voracious mind that knows no rest and knows no peace. It’s his futile attempt to make sense of the senseless, but nevertheless, with each deep dive he takes into the rabbit hole, the light around him dims.

The other handful of leads he’s chasing down do have some truth to them though. Some may say his interrogation tactics have gotten more aggressive, but their complaints fall on deaf ears. They showed him no mercy, so it’s only fair if he returns the favor.

Currently, his most favored theory is that there is a traitor in their midst—how else would his son have ended up there? It makes him wary of the other members, distrustful of their outreached hands. His suspicion nearly borders on paranoia, intensifying whenever he has a particularly sleepless night. Whoever it is, taunts him; they toy with him and leave him tortured by his own thoughts. Frank will persevere, however—there will be an end, he’s sure of it.

Extra.

If Iwere a _______, then I’d be _______.

If I were a season, I’d be summer, but not the days at the beginning that are filled with childish wonder and boyhood adventures—no, those days are long gone—I am midsummer, when the sun is seemingly always at its apex, beating down relentlessly, and the air is so languid and sweltering that it feels like the world is aflame.

If I were a time of day, I’d be late afternoon.

If I were a place, I’d be an empty shore, abandoned after the storm came and went.

If I were a type of weather, I’d be a cloudless sky.

If I were a scent, I’d be smoke dissipating in the breeze, fresh linen, and pine.

If I were a plant, I’d be English Ivy, unkept and unruly, invading the flora and fauna around me, bent on expansion and progress at whatever cost necessary.

If I were an element, I’d be fire.

If I were a color, I’d be slate grey.

If I were a song, I’d be “As It Was,” by Hozier.

If I were an item of clothing, I’d be a wrinkled white button-up, wearing at the seams from years of care and use, much-loved but in need of repair.

If I were an object, I’d be a pawn.I used to think of myself as the rook, capable and cunning, but in the end it was all a charade.

If I were one of the seven deadly sins, I’d be greed.It eats me whole and it eats me alive.

If I were one of the seven heavenly virtues, I’d be diligence.

If I were a god/goddess, I’d be Prometheus. For my defiance, Godhood has been stripped from me and all that remains is torment.

[marquis-teren-kiden]

Top 5 moments that really defined your time as an RPer.

[This is an incredibly long post. So, feel free to read it or not as you wish. Blessedly, there is no ‘NSFW’ alert associated with it. Brutal, visceral, and sometimes anguish or feelz inducing commentary, but nothing you can’t have up at work or around the (Grand)babies. So, have at!]

#1. - Beyond the terrible graphics of the games at the time, my first real experience RPing happened when i was nineteen. A friend of mine from school had invited me on leave with her (Yes, it was that kind of education) to her home to get away from the boredom and strictness of our vocational training. I said yes, and while we were off at her place (which, also, was in the woods in the middle of nowhere, but in a different state) she introduced me to her Aunt, who was an avid DM. The woman had accumulated just… man. Volumes in binders of faces and forms of men and women - models, actors, singers, you name it - which she had rated from 1 to 20 for the purposes of allowing players to choose their character’s ‘comeliness.’She had it all. The picture books. All of the (2E) D&D books and supplements. She asked how long I’d been roleplaying, and I said I hadn’t. So, she broke it all down for me. Let me choose from an extensive collection of dice and line-by-line explained the mechanics of the game for me.My first character? A dual-classed Drow Fighter/Ranger. She made an NPC Human Paladin and the story for the background to explain the two of them being a battle couple was easy for me to come up with. She loved it. I killed myself with my own bow, and my own arrow, my first time using it. (I rolled a 1.) and she used the NPC to heal/resurrect my dumb Elf. Best introduction to RP I could offer to anyone, and it was mine.#2. - A Co-Worker asked me if I’d ever RP’d before, and I told him about #1 on the list, which had been five? Six years before. He said he would love to have me for a ‘beefy’ Campaign he was putting together, and after negotiating on the terms and times, I agreed. The Campaign was ridiculous. (Not in a bad way.) Just uber powerful creatures all over the place. So, he required every player to be half-something from the Monster Manual.I made up a Half-Halfling/Half-Celestial and made him a Bard/Psion. While we were at work, I rolled his stats (which were INSANELY GOOD.) And he sat and watched. (The stats were so good that one of the other Players, sitting next to the DM, accused me of cheating, and the DM laughed and said I watched them roll *my* dice. Those are their scores. I laughed crazy hard.) That Campaign about three years, and was insanely good fun. I eventually retired my Half-Celesital as an Avatar of Fharlanghn, the God of Travelers. (My Muse was a Psionic Nomad.) And the GM still phones occasionally to ask me to RP him as an influence on current or on-going campaigns.

#3. - My (now ex-) Boyfriend found out that I was an avid RPer in Guild Wars, and asked me to come RP with him (I think he was jealous of my Muse’s in-game Husband) in World of Warcraft. We rolled up a pair of Druids. But, within a week, two things unexpectedly happened. He got bored of his level 5 Druid and ditched me to go back to his level 54 Warlock. AND I levelled up without him looking for herbs, and on my first trip to Darkshore (Like, level 11 or 12?) I witnessed a pitched PvP Battle between a level 56 Night Elf Hunter and a skull icon (later learned, level 60 Raider) Tauren Warrior. I was Resto and started healing the Hunter. At the time, I had no clue what ‘flagging’ was, or that my Muse could be harmed by doing it. I just wanted to help the guy who looked to be putting up a hell of a fight given the disparity between them. (I assumed the Tauren was just a very powerful mob.) The Hunter won the fight, and greeted me ICly. Introduced himself. Thanked me profusely, and since I’d cobbled together an identity for my Druid before my BF and I had stopped playing together, I just rolled with it. The Hunter eventually became the Druid’s Lifemate.#4 -  The next two are more personal, and as you know (Nerd) Last year was absolutely devastating for me. I lost twenty-six writing partners during a significant IRL series of hardships involving losing my health, which cost me my job, which led to me losing my home, all while trying to take care of my kids and maintain a Guild with a massive storyline. 

The vast majority of the Co-Writers i had at the time were just relentless about wanting and needing to be ‘important’ to the storyline, rather than working together with everyone to solve the puzzles that were laid out. And, I was DMing two or more events each month from my cellphone out of a motel my family was paying for for several months. During that time, I lost two important friends who were RRP Partners for Teren. One due to refusal to communicate at all why they had suddenly started getting angry every time I mentioned RP (even when it wasn’t for Teren) and another who literally just… disappeared. Not just from me. From everything. All without explanation. Of the twenty-six acquaintences/Co-Writers who dipped on me during that SL, those are the two that still haunt me the most, and they are the primary reasons I keep my Writing Circle so small. 

Has their continuing influence on me been positive? No. I don’t think so. Not in the long run. But, has it been powerful? Has it shaped the future of my writing and my relationships with others in/out of character and IRL? Unequivocally. 

#5 - Mister Rogers (Teren, wtf are you going with this?) Mister Rogers once said that when something bad would happen, he would get scared. An accident. A fire. Something worse on the news. His Mother would tell him to “look for the people trying to help. There are always people trying to help. Look for the Helpers.”

At the bottom of the abyss for me, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically - there were people, IRL, OOC and IC, who were genuinely trying to help me. Even when I told them I just wanted to wrap up all of our mutual storylines and walk away from writing - not just Roleplaying, but writing stories at all - they did everything they could to help me. Help me figure out what their Muses needed. Help me figure out what my Muses needed. Helped me connect with strangers to tie up story elements that had disappeared with the people who were abandoning the large-scale Campaign that had been running off of my phone for months on end. 

There were at first a couple. Then a few. Then a handful. Now, there’s a little under a dozen people who have made writing possible for me again. Who stuck with me through all of the terrible shit that made even logging in to Teren’s old account an exhausting, heartbreaking slog. Who eventually helped me heal myself with self-care strategies I’d never needed before, and to give some solid foundation to Teren’s storyline so that - even if I couldn’t save all of my Muses - I could save this one. 

At the beginning of the year, I kicked off this blog, still unsure if it would last a month, or if I would walk away from it after all. Two months, three months in, I still didn’t know the answer. What I did know, is that I was (albeit slowly) getting the desire to write again. I was (slowly) feeling the urge to create again. And I was striving to interact on a level that would allow me to leave if the old warning signs started cropping up, without devastating my Co-Writer’s storylines. (Which is a lot of why so much of what Teren does happens in Nishan; which is only a small pocket of Azeroth as a whole.)

To wit, the amazing legacy and continuing tales of Teren Kiden and his life after 01/01/2018 aren’t a product of “A” moment. But, of People. People who recognized that I am a person and not a collection of pixels. People who empathized with the catastrophe my life had become and - instead of disappearing - did what they could. No one had to solve my problems. Most didn’t have to do anything but RP. But they all helped me to recover from the single worst year - IC, OOC, and IRL - of my life with patience, poise, respect and - most extraordinarily - with hearts that were strong enough to let me go, even though they desparately wanted me to keep holding on to our friendships, because that was what I needed most at the time.

[To each of them: @daughterofkiden, @summerbloom-fae, @karrista, @olivia-lovecraft, @news-nerd, @huntsman-hawthorne, @maluraunderchild, @renlavaye, @scassira, @waroftwowolves, @stonestridernerd, @phamguero, @oh-yeah-no @kelladen - you are all such beautiful, understanding, and exceptional people, and I quite literally wouldn’t be here, writing, without you. Thank you so much for your extraordinary strength and exceptional qualities of character. You are more deeply cherished and appreciated than you will ever know.]

[unfortunate-rp]

Congratulations, ASH! You have been accepted as your original character, DIANA BALOTELLI. Please be sure to complete the steps listed on the NEW MEMBER CHECKLIST and send in your account within the next 24 hours.

Well, young lady, have you been good to your mother?

OOC INFORMATION

Name: Ash

Age: 26

Pronouns: she/her

Time zone: AZ (we switched back to PST today)

Activity Level (Please give a number from 1-10 and an explanation): 5-7 it depends on how much work I have for grad school. But the good news is that I just finished the big stuff in my class so I should have more time to get on.

Tumblr account (for contact purposes): REDACTED

Characters played: Nora Sanders

How did you find us?: Already in the RP :)

Triggers: REDACTED

ORIGINAL CHARACTER APPLICATION

Character Name: Diana “Di” Balotelli

FC: Conor Leslie

Date of Birth: May 24th

Age: 28 years old

Character Quote: The finest steel has to go through the hottest fire.

Gender: cis female

Pronouns: she/her

Sexual Orientation: Homosexual

Occupation: Fortune Teller

Affiliation: VFD (volunteer)

Neighborhood: Hotel Denouement

Personality:  + graceful, optimistic, attentive || – competitive, perfectionist, anxious

BIOGRAPHY

Diana had always lived her life in second place.  She had been born second, in all of the competitions that she had with her sisters she had placed second, if you put her and her sister’s names in alphabetical order hers was the second name.  And in a family where everything became a competition, Diana found herself always working harder.  Whenever the triplets would have a violin recital, Diana would practice at least an hour longer per day than her sisters.  When there was a solo in their dance class, Diana would forgo sleep in order to go over the steps again and again in her bedroom. Where they had a fencing competition, she made sure to have practice rounds against her stuffed animals before they left, just to make sure that she was prepared.  Yet, no matter what Diana did, she never quite seemed like she was good enough – which was incredibly hard considering all that she ever wanted was to get first place.

Little did she know that her chance at winning would come one day when she and her sisters all got into the same taxi. Being recruited to the Volunteer Fire Department was the first time that Diana actually saw herself thriving in her sisterly competitions.  Dahlia going missing was a blow that only made her work hard, determined to use the resources that would come with the VFD to find out what happened and find a way to get her sister back. In the end, Diana found that she was offered a spot within the VFD, and for the first time in her life she actually had gotten first place.  However, her excitement at being first was tainted with Dutch not receiving a spot.

Diana began to wonder if those in charge had mixed her and her sister up, giving the young woman an intense feeling of imposter syndrome – that Dutch was the one who was supposed to stay and she was the one who was supposed to go.  Di has spent a long time working on it, only for her feelings to increase upon finding out that Dutch was impersonating her.  She knows that it can be hard to tell the difference between her and Dutch, something that the two of them both thrive on for information, but Diana can’t help but wonder if this will expose her as the second-place sister that she always has been. And if that means that she’ll lose her spot in the organization that has become her life’s work.  

CONNECTIONS

Please include up to 3 connections.

Sister to DAHLIA BALOTELLI + DIANA BALOTELLI Diana and her identical triplet sisters have always had a rocky and somewhat dysfunctional relationship. They all love each other, but have a difficult and competitive relationship thanks to their parents. They do not talk very often and sometimes their conversations are very tense.

Friend of DANIEL BAUTISTA Diana understands what it feels like not to be entirely trusted by the VFD – something that only seems to grow by the day the more that she and Dutch switch places (even if the voice in her head reminds her that she could easily be making it up). As a result, Diana ended up taking Daniel under her wing in a way, figuring that the two of them would be able to prove themselves together.

Infatuated by HANNA FONTAINE Diana has only met Hanna a couple of times, and each of those times it seemed like she was pretending to be Dutch.  However, the young woman made an impression on Di that she couldn’t help but feel butterflies in her stomach every time that she thinks of her.  She’s attracted to the fire that the woman carries, but also has no intention on acting on it.  The last thing that she needs at the moment is to be distracted by a pretty face.

ADDITIONAL NOTES

3 Additional Notes/Facts/Headcanons: (for examples, please see our posted character biographies)

Out of all of the things her parents forced her to do growing up, Diana had always loved dance the most.  In fact, before being recruited by the VFD, Di had planned on becoming a dancer. She still takes ballet lessons twice a week, as she refused to give that up upon becoming a volunteer.

Diana has been working on trying to find Dahlia ever since she went missing. She feels in her gut that her sister is still alive, and hopes that if she’s found that somehow the Balotelli triplets will somehow go back to being as close as they had been as kids.

Switching places with Dutch came as a direct response to her sister posing as her.  Diana’s never truly been a fan of it, but she knows that it is the best way of getting information from the other side of the VFD – even if she also feels like it’s also driving her and her sister farther apart.

What potential plans do you have for this character?: Di has always seen herself as a triplet and less as an individual. I want to see her learn how to grow surer of herself as a person instead of just being part of a unit. I also want to see how damaging seeing the world through the frames of a competition is and start to try to be a little less competitive.

What do you hope to bring to this roleplay with your character?: The gift of two Connor Leslie faceclaims. But in all honesty, I love the family drama and I look forward to seeing what characters might be drawn into that.  I also hope to see more drama with the volunteers vs. the firestarters with them not being able to tell the difference between Dutch and Diana.

Anything Else?: 

WRITING SAMPLE

Please provide a writing sample that is in character and in third person. The writing sample should be 3+ paragraphs with a minimum of 500 words in third person. Please try to include dialogue and inner thoughts so we can get a feel of how you portray this character. If you need prompts, let us know and we will provide some!

Diana had always tried to end her fortunes with a flourish, especially to those who clearly weren’t involved with either side of the VFD. She wasn’t sure if they actually believed that she could tell the future, or if they were just trying to have fun, but it was her job to sell the story.  Even if selling the story meant prying for personal information in any way that she could get it and vaguely regurgitating it back in a way that seemed like she was telling them something new. It was a performance, one that seemed like it was second nature at this point.  And yet, Di was glad that she was done for the day.

The messages that she had meant to send out were given to the correct people, she’d gleaned a small detail that she wasn’t supposed to know from someone assuming that she was Dutch.  Overall, it had been a great day, and yet as she started to close up for the day, Diana still couldn’t help but feel like she had failed.  Maybe she should have tried harder to get the information while assuming her sister’s identity. Maybe there was something that she had missed that she should have been able to see coming from a mile away. Maybe she had given the message to the wrong person, and had set her own side of the VFD back without even realizing it.  Taking a few deep breaths, Diana tried to get her thoughts under control. She wouldn’t be any use to Dahlia if she was letting herself get this out of control – and Di had found a new lead. Or maybe it was an old one.  Or maybe it was yet another red herring that she could add to the list of places that her sister certainly wasn’t.

Picking up her crystal ball and placing it gently in the cupboard, Di wished that she could ask Dutch for help. Her sister would have ideas, would be able to look over the map that Diana had hanging up in her bedroom and point out things that she should have seen to begin with. The two of them together would easily be able to find their third, and yet Diana knew that wasn’t ever going to happen. Things with Dutch were entirely too strained, their relationship crumbling more and more each and every day. Slowly she took off the costume that defined Madame Lulu, placing everything in such a way that she would be able to tell if her sister got into it (that was assuming that Dutch didn’t have her own Madame Lulu set up given to her by the wrong side of the VFD) when she came back into work the next morning.  Giving the room a final look, Diana stifled a yawn as she started walking down the street.  It was going to be a late night, that was for sure, but maybe this time she’d finally truly get a clue as to what happened to Dahlia.

Maybe this time she’d actually find a way to start to fix her family.