#OKAY I GOT EMOTIONAL BUT YEAH
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I know this is completely off topic of this blog, but I wanted to share a digression. I've been thinking recently about the trend of styles and different aesthetics and what advantages it has, because I mean, at the same time you have a lot of possibilities, inspiration and space to fulfill yourself, but at the same time I still have the impression that people have to be assigned to aesthetics. It's not just a style of clothing, but a lifestyle. The internet seems to say that as a cottagcore you HAVE to live in a cute little village where the sun shines 24/7 in the summer and you can't listen to rock, for example. It's just a stupid example but think about it, it's not only what you look like but also where you live, what kind of music you like, WHAT IS YOUR PERSONALITY (for example in my dark academia phase I read that I have to be "mysterious") and many more just like yours passions. Someone may say that we don't have to be like these standards assigned to certain styles. We don't have to, it's true. But when we have a style faze we want to be able to be described as "omg this girl is so much a green girl" or "you are this girl!" and we want to be like those perfect people we see on pinterest or on vlogs who live this perfectly matching life. And what I want to say after all this is that play with your style, LEARN yourself and your likes and don't try to be perfect from the beginning. You can be an extrovert who doesn't like to read and still be inspired by light academia. You may not like plants as an art mom. Listen to classical music while dressing like a tomboy if you want. It's just playing with this style and being different is so cool, and meeting people like that is like a new adventure. And remember that there are days when all you want to wear is a tracksuit even if you're browsing old money inspiration on instagram. It's you, your body, and it's your expression, so don't force yourself to not be who you really are.
That's it, I hope I didn't exaggerate, take care of yourself lovies
ps: if u want to talk abt it more, i want to talk abt more too!
see you <3
#OKAY I GOT EMOTIONAL BUT YEAH#i don't rlly know what hashtags can i add lol#digression#idk?#okay this time i'll not make 100000 hashtags#okay it's weird but i think i need to stop writing more weird hashtags#bye
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i really do think the desire to paint ten as unambiguously The Worst™️ when it comes to his relationship with martha is out of this desire to uncomplicate their relationship. to decouple them as friends and people who profoundly impacted each other’s lives. it’s just an easier narrative to swallow: that ten was Awful to her and then martha kicked him to the curb when she realized she was too good for him. easier, maybe, then dealing with the troubles of unrequited affection don’t have to be anyone’s fault, or that ten shut martha out in a lot of ways but let her in in others that he wouldn’t let any other companion near, or that they were still friends, they still wanted to see each other and be around each other, even though it was messy and sometimes hurt. you know?
#sometimes the doctor is shitty. this is not news we know this. this is part of the package. its what makes their relationships with their#companions so interesting so important.#like. how do i put this. i see posts sometimes about how ten was ‘leading martha on’ implying that he was taking advantage of her feelings#to keep her around. and. okay. so. putting aside how that’s a weird thing to say about anyone period.#its also just. from my viewing experience. not true?#the doctor is just sort of Like That. he’s too intense he’s too quick to grasp for emotional intimacy he’s too messy.#but he’s not leading her on. he really is just Like That.#like i feel by getting caught up in the fact that martha is hurt by being compared to rose and is hurt by the fact that the doctor can’t or#won’t return her feelings. and like. yeah. of course that hurts.#but in being caught up in that. i think what im saying is that it feels like people sometimes forget that he’s. not required to do that.#like just because she has feelings for him doesn’t mean he needs to get over himself and return them or else he’s using her. that’s. that’s#not how relationships work. people can have romantic feelings and still be friends and not have anything come of it and that’s not a#terrible outcome. thats just how friendships are sometimes.#thats the core of it to me. they’re friends. the way people post about ten & martha sometimes i wonder if everyone’s forgotten that they#are friends. that they last parted as friends. that martha doesn’t hate him or secretely resent him for how he treated her.#like. she’s got complicated feelings about the whole thing. but they didn’t stop being friends.#i tell you what: if the doctor was in trouble and called for help. you could be damn certain that martha jones would be one of the first#people to answer. that’s what i know.#doctor who#the doctor#tenth doctor#martha jones
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oh pallas and agnes power dynamic you really are SO unbelievably fucked,,,,,
#haven’t been able to write in days so i am posting instead. forgive me.#it’s just so. like. okay pallas has all of the material power here that’s not a question they’ve got much stronger magic they#know how the library works they’re directly placed in a mentorship role at the beginning re agnes she depends on them#for everything.#but also#pallas is very much Not Doing Well mentally (<- understatement of the century) and is pathologically incapable of processing their own#emotions related to this AT ALL. and in the process of trying very very hard to get to Know pallas (so pallas will Like her so pallas will#want to keep her alive) agnes kind of comes to understand a lot of pallas’s issues even better than pallas does and pallas starts to depend#on her for emotional support in a way they NEVER have with anyone else.#and pallas’s ability to show vulnerability has been soooo wrecked beyond belief that to them doing things like sharing part#of their backstory and being visibily hurt around someone is tantamount to placing a knife in someone’s hand and#then circling all of their weak points with a giant red marker while going ‘HEY STAB HERE’#so in their mind by doing this they’re giving agnes an IMMENSE amount of power over them like enough to kill them dead even though very#little else has changed about their dynamic. so pallas believes that they’re standing on much more equal ground then they really are#and agnes partly believes it too she thinks that by seeing this much of how broken down pallas is she’s finally found the balance in their#relationship she’s finally found a way to make it stable. and yeah. to some extent this is true!#pallas DOES listen to agnes more than any other person agnes IS the first person in years to understand them this much pallas’s dependence#on her for their mental wellbeing DOES give her some measure of power over them. but that power is given out on pallas’s terms is the thing#whether they’re aware of that or not. agnes wouldn’t have anything if pallas didn’t actively choose to be vulnerable with her there’d be#no way she’d learn about anything no way she’d get to play this role in their life#they believe that this thing is much more equal much more sustainable than it really is (pallas especially) and they’re#literally all each other have#grabs your face are you listening THEYRE ALL EACH OTHER HAVE IN THIS PLACE THEYRE BOTH IN SUCH HORRIFIC SITUATIONS AND THEY R EATING#EACHOTGER TO SURVIVE!!!!#head in fucking hands#wip: ghost story#pallas and agnes
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since the last twst update i've seen some people disliking the knight of dawn's copy and paste design and discussing the theory that he actually looked different in reality but has simply taken on silver's face in lilia's dream--which i do think is a fun idea that's definitely plausible! but i'm here to admit that this design choice not only doesn't bother me at all, but... i actually actively really like it, to be honest.
my initial reason for why i didn't feel bothered by it was that as we all know by now, silver is clearly twisted from aurora, and so many of the disney princesses look identical to their moms with aurora herself being no exception. so i just took our disney princess boy looking identical to his dad as a sort of homage to this!
but my second reason, the one that made me grow to really like the knight of dawn's seemingly silly sameface design once i realized it, is the fact that malleus is literally also a copy of meleanor. maybe it's just not as immediately noticeable, but look, he is.
silver and malleus already have so many fascinating parallels and this latest main story update just added even more: they are both the royal children of enemy kingdoms in a war from centuries past. a war in which their own parents directly fought against each other, both just trying to protect their loved ones and their people, only for them both to meet tragic ends with meleanor even dying at knight of dawn's own hand. but it's because of everything that occurred back then--the knight of dawn choosing to save lilia and help him escape with malleus's egg in spite of everything, malleus needing a couple extra centuries to hatch from his egg without his parents there to give him their love, silver being put into an ageless sleep and not having anyone whose true love could wake him for hundreds of years--that malleus and silver were both able to be taken in by lilia and grow up alongside each other.
and it also just so happens that they're both near-perfect reflections of their parents who fought and died so long ago. but when they look at each other now, they don't see the face of an enemy, but of a beloved member of their family, of someone who they would do anything to protect.
#LISTEN maybe this is silly#and i think it's fine and cool if people wanna imagine the knight actually looking different#but yeah. malleus and silver both looking just like their parents got me emotional#it's about the PARALLELS and the SYMBOLISM okay#twisted wonderland#malleus draconia#silver vanrouge#twst silver#meleanor draconia#knight of dawn#twst#twst spoilers#twisted wonderland spoilers#book 7 spoilers
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these precious things that time forgot
timeless by taylor swift // a picture of my grandparents dancing at my mom's wedding in 1995
#okay so idk if this is weird??? but i was looking through some stuff and find this picture#and my mom started talking about that day and i got really emotional and couldn't stop thinking about taylor's song#so... yeah#my edits#taylor swift#taylor swift lyrics#speak now tv#speak now taylor’s version#taylor swift edit#music: taylor swift
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#not to be a broken lil man on main#but I was on the phone with my dad for 30 minutes just now (that's a lot for a phone call with him) and like.... damn. yeah. i do have one#parent who's not horrible huh#we talked a lot about my plans for the future...... which I only now told him bcs scary and bcs........ I never ever during my 25 years of#being alive got the impression from my parents that something like this would be an acceptable career choice or something they'd support#and I mean. my [redacted] of a mother is the best example for how. not alright it is with her that I'm doing something that's not very...#traditional for this family#but anyways. my dad was absolutely fucking lovely#to the point that I get getting teary eyed and felt my throat closing up cause. huh. i guess in his own way he does love me and believe in#he asked me to send him a link or a pdf of my first conference report because he wants to keep it somewhere 😭😭😭😭😭😭#I'm....... ouch. ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch#you know the ghosting I am really good at with tumblr chats (sorry guys. ilu. I just suck at communication)???? i'm also extremely good at#that with whatsapp chats and just. not calling my irl loved ones#so idk. hearing him say he understands and just wanted to make sure I wasn't upset with him and like. wanted to know if I was doing okay.#damn. okay. damn#idk#this was such a good talk and he was so suppertive and non-judgemental and I actually told him about my birthday and how my mother's call#upset me and he was like. yeah. same. and like... he's basically gone no contact with her as well as it turns out#idk. I really should give him more credit and like... I feel like there's so much shifting and change and development happening while I'm n#not there and sometimes it's hard to remember that he actually /could/ understand some things. just cause I've always been so used to not#sharing anything about myself because it wasn't safe when I was younger and... idk........ lots of emotions going on rn#so glad we talked though. so glad#simon.out.#if you read all this.... idk man.... sorry for oversharing but thanks for caring ig <3
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That ended exactly how I expected it to and, as expected, I am entirely neutral on it. Wasn't a satisfying ending or a super hype ending or anything like that, literally just the ending that may as well have happened. Not a single thing surprised me that whole conclusion, it felt unfortunately predictable. You can tell he's excited for it's end though so I'm happy for Horikoshi regardless, hope he can get proper rest now.
#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#mha 430#mha spoilers#bnha spoilers#spoilers#like yeah okay. quirkless. teacher. becomes hero anyway. yeah. left the ships open ended but after last chapter i expected that too.#none of the old bitches are dead somehow. literally an entire chapter full to the brim of just parallels to thw first chapter#which is a normal ending that a lot of stories opt for since it ties things together nicely. but idk. i was vaguely hoping for more?#just felt like a whole chapter of nodding my head and going yeah. yeah okay.#wish there had been something more emotional. also wish he had covered more characters endings. shirakumi got a micro panel#was hoping for a grand conclusion i guess and instead got the average shounen time skip. but ykw its better than demon slayer and narutos#so f it ill take it whatever man#i am happy its over tho. ive loved it for so long im happy i was here to see the ending live. guess I'm just bittersweet idk#still hyperfixated tho so i dont imagine my posts will change#cant wait for the art book fan book movie and special announcement tho yipeee#o shit i typed shirokimi earlier. i meant shirakumo. kurogiri. bros conclusion was a micro panel of a fucking tombstone
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Not me actually, legitimately crying because of how sweet and kind Lord of the Lost was when I met them 😭😭
#I just burst into tears last night bc I just got so emotional over it#I was so like nervous/anxious but they were still so very nice#I asked Gared and Benji how they were doing and they said they were good#then Gared turned to me and asked me if I was okay and I said yeah 🥹 and he went ‘Good!’ with a smile on his face#Class saw I was doing this 🤟 then I noticed he like subconsciously was like ‘oh! let me do something too!’ so he went ✌️#Benji put and arm around me and so did Class 😭😭#then Chris leaned in closer all smiles#it just absolutely made my night and now I’m tearing up about it again LMAO#I felt…included#lord of the lost#when I asked Pi and Class to sign something they were like of course! Class even said ‘yes please’ like twice 🥹🥹#I mentioned to Chris it was my first time meeting them and he’s like ‘funny it’s my first time meeting you!’ I LOVE HIM 😭😭 he’s so funny#I’m just an emotional mess OOUUGGHH
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I simply think every filmmaker should go through their careers with the only goal of making something as great as Om Shanti Om
#om shanti om#look do i say this every other month yes but its fucking true okay#have you ever seen a movie about the industry which means its about movies which means its about stories which means its about love#which means its a movie about life which means its a movie about stories and about endings and beginnings and happy endings#which means is a movie about movies#you get me?#i just. love it#you know what other movie got the memo of this in a less fabulous but not less emotional way?#tick tick boom#yeah. fucking fight me
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"I wonder what I'd be without you"
#just wanted to emphasize the Master's expressions here#the biggest 'his gaze softened' to have ever 'his gaze softened'-ed#you can see him going from confused to the moment when he's finally touched with realization by ten's word with the eyebrow raise#and how he's visibly holding back the tears and simply can't contain a smile that only grows bigger#and the way he looks at then by the end really has a mix of emotions but for me it screams longing#because with the way he says “yeah” and his thoughtful expression at the beginning he very likely was reminiscing their memories together#and he comes to realization that yeah. what were they without each other.#or you can say that he just finally felt touched that ten isn't willing to let go of the 2 of them together after everything the master did#considering this was the first time we saw him in a moment of vulnerability. he was scared even#he opened himself very briefly for the first time and ten still showed compassion towards him#okay this got way longer that I thought but I think a LOT was spoken here even with no words#a big applause to john simm's facial acting here of course#thoschei#tensimm#best enemies#doctor who#tenth doctor#10th doctor#simm!master
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My dad literally just said word for word when I was eating dinner “you need to stop putting out depression vibes. You look like your dog just died” um yeah sir I’m struggling deeply right now sorry I’m not smiling like a pageant girl with petroleum jelly on her teeth the fuck do you mean I’m just tryna eat some carrots go elsewhere
#like yeah bitch I got depression#people are so stupid about mental illness#I just said ‘then don’t look at me.’#’putting out depression vibes’ is so funny especially coming from him like plz☠️☠️☠️☠️#like he could say ‘what’s wrong? or are you okay? but chose that hahah.#ahhhhhh#bitch boy#he does this all the time too#whenever I look physically upset to him#he says it looks like your dog died and just makes fun of me#he has the emotional maturity of a stump
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besties I fear I've treated my body like a brute force machine too long again
#Robin processes emotions on main#I feel like I'm dying a little!!#emotionally I feel fine#but body is sending anxiety signals as hard as it can#okay. okay. got it. time to build up my good habits again#survival mode Sucks because it makes it hard to have the habits where I'm Living not just surviving. survival mode makes me want distractio#—distraction. crave numbness all that good stuff#but I gotta like#eat... sleep... change my sheets... drink more water...#sculpt something... do some work so I feel useful...#call the car place again so I don't feel so helpless n ashamed...#sigh...#okay. okay. okay. I can do this. maybe with some extra help from my friends that'd be nice#OH YEAH I NEED TO TAG <- ok tagged
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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2024 reads / storygraph
Walking In Two Worlds & The Everlasting Road
YA sff set in the near future where an opensource augmented reality is commonly used like social media, and there’s also a completely virtual fantasy game version
follows an Anishinaabe girl who who’s the top player in the VR game, and is constantly fighting to keep her place against the misogynist neo-nazi group in second place
as well as her real life, dealing with being a shy and self-conscious teen growing up on the Rez, and her brother having cancer
and a Uyghur boy who’s moved to her community from China after finding acceptance in an online community (even when he doesn’t agree with their more extreme views) - but when he gets to know Bugz, he has to decide who truly deserves his loyalty
great mix of sff and culture, the future while also very real community traumas of the past (and present)
#walking in two worlds#the everlasting road#wab kinew#aroaessidhe 2024 reads#This has some REALLY interesting and important concepts!#I just think it could have used some more development… Obvs this is YA and I’m an adult I know I’m not quite the audience!#There’s a lot of depth in the setup of the characters but I feel like it skips a lot of the progression#I think there could have been space for more development in a lot of places to make the story feel more dimensional#- but also has so many plot threads that maybe that would have bulked it out too much#It does also jump around quite a bit between the different parts but I think that makes sense with how juggling with irl / online life.#she’s got a lot of internalised fatphobia at the start (and the love interest going “I don’t think you’re fat!!” when people call her fat..#then in book 2 suddenly she’s okay about it - again I wish there was some progression!#her brothers cancer journey is. basically all offscreen lol mostly as set up for plot in book 2. so it doesn't have the emotional impact it#could have..#I liked the way it integrates her culture into the game in a really cool way (though I would have liked more detail there)#also having auto language translators but they regularly don't translate quite right / still run into issues - realistic!#the parallels drawn between his being taken from his family and put in a state education school and Indigenous residential schools#the way that a future world will never be as separate from the past as ur average sff future often portrays#but yeah anyway lots of good ideas execution not so much for me..
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gotta love how quickly I cycle from ‘so proud of them for sharing that what a time to be a 5sos fan!’ to ‘suddenly worried and concerned my chest aches seeing all this WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE COMPLETELY HAPPY AND AT PEACE ALL THE TIME IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK??’
#it was the bloodshot eyes luke that got me I think#and michael content. all of that just has me feeling a mix of things#5sos#5 seconds of summer#luke hemmings#michael clifford#calum hood#ashton irwin#so yeah just don’t mind me I’ll be here with my emotions#but I got some good news about a friend ive been praying for for a literal decade this week. and hoping for more good news at the vet tmoz#so like things are okay I hope. I just hate being parasocial and the fact that I can’t just be like ‘hey man you alright’ to celebs etc#but it’s taught me a few things about people irl and that I’m capable of having boundaries and just accepting where they’re at
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She’s my comfort character now actually
Bonus:
#enstars#i was mixing rinne's casual style with hiiro's preppy style for her outfit#they helped her shop for city clothes or something (aira most definitely came along. these two don't know what they're doing)#okay well rinne probably kinda knows but aira would still be a big help#i thought a full length skirt would be pretty#she's a very elegant lady#rinne amagi#hiiro amagi#mamagi#also it's funny drawing her and being like 'she looks a lot like rinne' wow me it's almost like. it's almost like she's his mom. wow.#also yeah rinne's definitely a big softie around his mom.#is it 'cause she genuinely loved and cared for him#or is it 'cause he never got to spend a lot of time with her from being trained to lead the village all the time#whatever does more emotional damage (both probably)#mamagi ref#sana does fashion
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