#Not to compare my issues to others' of course
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magazine - mark lee
pairing: idol!mark lee x fem!reader . . . masterlist genre: fluff word count: 774 a/n: recently got the mark cosmopolitan magazine.. i KNOW it's a june issue and it's literally november, but i'm still thirsty. sue me.
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"i'm home!" mark's voice echoed throughout the hallway, the familiar voice making your expression soften into an automatic smile.
the day had been slow; off work, catching up on a show you occasionally rewatched, and anticipating mark's return from his long days of work.
being an idol meant his schedule was FULL. barely any time for anything, especially for mark, the most hard-working and committed man you'd ever met. nobody could ever compare to him, how he perfectly balances life, work, and relationships. most importantly; you.
he'd recently had a photoshoot. for what? well, you didn't know. he demanded he'd keep it a secret, although a hint had been it was for a famous magazine brand. of course, this meant waiting weeks upon weeks for the issue to release. especially when your boyfriend was on the cover, it felt like months of waiting.
you sprung off the couch and rushed over to mark who took off his shoes and set them aside, as a second after, bringing him into a loving long-awaited hug which you both had been dying for the entire day.
"what's that?" you looked at this plastic bag he was holding, inside of it was a suspiciously tall thin book that you took a glance of.
mark moved the bag behind his back, out of view. "a surprise." he smirked at you and gave you a peck on the lips. "i want you to be prepared."
it only etched more confusion on your face as you slightly tilted your head. "why? is it just a book?" the thought of the magazine photoshoot mark had weeks ago hadn't even crossed your mind.
his eyes darted up as if he was thinking, "hm, i guess you could say that.." he nodded and looked back at you as he was joking around. he made you chuckle, and he moved the bag back in between you two, looking into it.
"a magazine? a-" your eyes immediately widened, mouth agape.
"oh my god." you spoke in light speed, digging the book out of the bag and into your arms. "mark..?!" your voice had been quiet and breathless. he really did have *this* much impact on you, even if it was a single photo. "c..cosmopolitan..?"
"i only managed to get this second version. the other two they couldn't give me." he gestured at the magazine and you immediately went and sat on the table to prepare yourself to skip through the pages and only focus on your ravishing boyfriend.
mark followed suit and sat next to you, the whole time smiling like an idiot. you were smiling too; blushing and biting your bottom lip as you stared at the gorgeous man on the cover of this magazine.
"how are you real," you said in almost a whisper. mark had not taken his eyes off of you. he loved seeing your reaction to everything, and he adored you so much it had been unhealthy.
mark moved a piece of hair that fell on your face looking down at the magazine, he wanted to see your face as he melted upon seeing you freak out over the man on paper. him.
you flipped through the pages, taking a minute to actually take in the photos of mark. "this pose.. mark this pose is.. that shirt on you.." mumbles came out of your mouth as you glanced at the real mark next to you.
"how are you you?" you looked at him infatuated.
"how am i, me?" he chuckled at you with a smile and briefly looking at the photo of him in front of you.
you nodded. "how did i manage to snag you?" suddenly a joking mood filled the air.
"i don't know but, i'd prefer you over anybody else."
as if you hadn't already been fiercely blushing from looking at mark in photoshoot in the magazine, he never failed to make you flustered.
"stop it!" you giggled and turned your attention back to the magazine, flipping through the same pages over again.
"close that book now and focus on the real mark! i'm right in front of you.." mark starts to whine, his real self not getting attention, just the reflection in the magazine.
"it's your fault for getting me this! i'm gonna frame all of these pictures now."
"babyyy.." his whiny tone and his hand starting to intertwine with yours was just enough to make your give in.
"markieee..." you reciprocated his whiny tone and gazed into his eyes. "i can't believe you're mine."
"you better start believing soon because, i'm not going anywhere anytime soon." mark smiles and pulls you into a loving passionate kiss.
#nct#mark lee x reader#mark lee#nct x reader#nct 127 x reader#mark lee fluff#nct fluff#mark lee imagines#mark lee fanfic#nct imagines#h3nderyss
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And that's why we're a kick-ass duo💅🤭
#i got my sister into house md and i loooove that i can talk to someone about this show now😈#literal masterpiece#my sister thinks wilson is super funny and also (low-) high-key f*cked uppp big time haha#she is very much the successful hard working and more lovable sibling out of the two of us#and what can i say... addiciton issues and problems with the family are MY realm😎#also i literally had walk-hindeirng paralysis in my right leg for like two months once#which is of course not comparable to house being disabled! but i know what it feels like to struggle with walking#and what it feels liek to struggle with (other) chronic illnesses#anywaaaay#lol#house md#gregory house#james wilson#hilson#not f1
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About Zayne's nightmares...
The most unrealistic thing about Zayne is that he's a functional working adult that seemingly has put his life together at 27 not because he's young or a prodigy but because he's said to have nightmares since he was 12?? Like... I feel like this theme might be a bit overlooked but just think about it deeply, having constant nightmares fucks your mind like really REALLY bad, I can genuinely say this by experience and also as someone who has had trouble to have a healthy sleeping schedule since I was at highschool (like, for example, right now, I should be sleeping instead of writing this...).
There was a time I would have nightmares almost everytime I went to sleep during a really hard time in my life. Of course, the topic about those nightmares was almost always the same, not like the nightmares repeated themselves but they always revolved about the same things that I was actually working in therapy at the moment. Back then I was jobless and medicated most part of the time, I was pretty dysfunctional.
I suppose that's why when I listened to "Fragmented Dreams" for the first time it was the time I said "Yeah, this is my man". I love how he's always nagging MC about sleeping early because I know by experience that not sleeping properly can mess up with your mind pretty bad, and probably he knows it too. It truly is a showcase of love how he worries about her sleep like that and it also showcases how strong minded he is for enduring too much stress and remind kind constantly.
I love how healthy he is. I like to think that he's overcome all the stressful stuff he's gone thru bc of his discipline and healthy life style, but realistically it would take him some more to deal with all of that.
Yes, all of the guys have been through some very rough stuff and they all need therapy, but my point with Zayne comes with the fact that not having a good sleeping schedule and on top of that having constant nightmares can mess up with your perception of reality and induce you a bad depression or other mental health issues. Everytime I remember Zayne's main story branch when they're trapped in Zayne's dream and MC leaves him alone and he starts listening to Willian, Georgie and his Mom so he has to remind himself "It's not real, it's not real" I deeply feel that and I just want to hug him so bad :(
I think I'd like to see a card where they explore the consecuences of their past in their psyche more deeply. I can't help remembering this post which was one of the first posts you unlock with Zayne:
It was there when I just knew that even if he looked quiet, he had a lot to say but didn't know how to express.
Another thing I'd like to highlight about this is that actually I love the emotional maturity that Zayne displays about dealing with such issues like nightmares, traumatic experiences and literally being exposed to see people dying 24/7 while being someone that feels a lot yet says little. He's dealt with this the best way he can, no wonder why he came to be quite serious and inexpressive or sarcastic. Not allowing himself to express other emotions than seriousness or sarcasm was like keeping himself in check so he wouldn't spill everything he feels and considering how stressing is his job already, it just makes sense, but that didn't mean Zayne didn't feel because he feels too much and too deeply and worries sick about ppl and especially about MC.
Of course, bottling up his emotions wasn't the best way to deal with them but he never used any unhealthy coping mechanism neither, like alcohol, for example (My teetotaler King ❤️) etc. Yeah, his workaholism isn't exactly healthy but not something toxic to his mind and relationships, and I've always had a feeling that he's a big foodie and addicted to sweets to give himself that boost of serotonine he needs so bad.
That's why he compares MC with sweets, being her his favorite dessert, bc she's brought all that serotonine to his life naturally and has helped him let go little by little. When he opened to her about losing Dulcie, I had a feeling that Zayne always wanted someone to listen to him but he didn't know how to ask for it and ppl around him was too afraid to even dare to suggest it. I think even in one of his anecdotes, it is said that sometimes Dr Noah wanted to tell him something but at the end ended up saying nothing.
The fact that Zayne bottled up his emotions didn't mean that he wouldn't willingly share them, he wanted to but wasn't used to it. With MC, he's slowy started to let it go and enjoy life more, allowing himself to be sad in front of her, to express his fears (about losing her) or to express his childish tantrums and indulge in his softest side. That's why also she's not only his favorite dessert but also his best painkiller ❤️
And just to finish, I've always thought this quote by Kafka fits him so well:
"Remember, you should sleep more than other people, for I sleep less than most. And I can’t think of a better place to store my unused share of universal sleep than in your beloved eyes."
#love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#zayne#lads zayne#l&ds zayne#l&ds#lnds#love and deepspace zayne
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Nahh, Val defenders are SCARY. I just saw the recent tea and lemme tell you. I’m an artist who does artist alley at huge cons over the USA and I’ve had people upset at me for having almost every Hazbin character as a keychain design except for Val because that mothafucker can go jump into an insect repellent buzzer for all I care. And I have had actual encounters IN PERSON of people who were upset I didn’t have the rapist man. I’d tell them I am too uncomfortable to draw him because guess what honey, I survived rape so of course he makes me uncomfortable. Also I’m the artist and I can draw whatever the fuck I want. And people would get upset saying they needed their husbando or tell me gee sucks for you but he’s a fictional character. Don’t care! I don’t care if he’s fictional, do you see how people treat awful men like him saying shit like they wished that Val had a contract with them? Don’t get me started on the ValAngel cosplayers who would pose in questionable manners, or the Val cosplayers who used their cosplay to excuse they heinous shit like touching people’s asses because they think they’re in character. And now with this print issue, it’s just going to get worse because people find the rapist man hot thanks to glorification of sexual assault. Also to the people comparing ValAngel to a consensual non-con kink, please seek help. Sorry babes I just had to get it out of my system because this is making me furious. Anyways, that’s my piping tea, and I love your blog.
Oh, sis, I just wanna start off saying that I am so sorry you have been dealing with this and that you're strong af for still being here and being you despite what horrors you faced. I wanna applaud you for your strength and keep up the good fight! I'd also like to apologize for taking so long to answer asks! After the latest drama, I have been getting so many more asks, and tbh I never thought my acc would get as much traction as it does nowadays! Glad you and every have been enjoying my posts and hope that I can better she'd light on Biv and her little posse!
Regarding your situation at cons, I am so sorry you had to deal with them obnoxious ass people. They say in one breath, "Oh, it's fiction!" But then, in the other, get pissed when said fiction is not available, that's how you know that they dgaf and only care about their "interests" over actual survivors concerns and critiques over the handling of SA. The fact that a lot of them do these sexual acts onto people proves the fiction DOES INDEED affect reality, unsurprisingly. Ima say it again, these mfers need to see Val get dogged on and made fun off lime a punching bag, and we'll see if they pull that same excuse.🫢🤭
#vivziepop critical#vivziepop criticism#anon ask#viv get a grip#vivienne medrano#vivziepop#hazbin fandom critical#hazbin hotel standom#hazbin standom#hazbin valentino#hazbin hotel valentino#valangel sucks btw
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Hello Hello! It's me again!
Heehoo request time/lh
I'm feelin' very hurt/comfort cause anxiety is being a bitch like always. Same peeps from before btw!
Basically, just some general anxiety comfort will do. Whether that's headcanons or a oneshot or both like last time is up to you. But I would like to add a personal tidbit if that's fine.
How they would comfort their partner who's ashamed of how they feel.
I'm sorry if that's a bit too personal or if it's just oversharing in general, I just could use some comfort about that, y'know? Totally up to you if you want to answer this request or not friend.
Have a good rest of your day/night!
*hands together* I am sorry that this took so long to get to you I won't bore you with my RL But I wanted to get these just right before I posted them. I did these in a headcanon style this time, it was the format that flowed- for some reason?
Anyway I hope you feel better, friend. I have some similar struggles from time to time and while I can't rightfully say I know your pain, I feel for you and with you. So we can all sit here and get some comfort from some nice 'bots~
P03 comforting a partner who is ashamed with how they feel
Something is bothering you, P03 can tell. He's not very perceptive with mood changes in others, but he's been around you long enough to recognize it.
At first, he doesn't say anything. He figures if you wanted to talk about it, you would. He does soften his words around you, though.
P03 finally can't take it and he pulls you aside to ask you what the problem is. If someone's bothering you or something, he'd have a few choice words with-!
In the quiet of the backroom, away from prying eyes, you tell him. But once you tell him what's bothering you, his face can't quite settle between sad and upset.
He doesn't say anything quite yet, but- if you were okay with it- he would pull you close and hold you against himself.
He tries to come up with words, but- Oh, he's terrible at this. But you're not feeling good and he's gonna try his damnedest to relieve that feeling.
So P03 tries to offer the words he needed in the past. That he can see you're not feeling good. That you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. That he's proud of your efforts. It may take him a minute (this poor 'bot is awful at discussing emotions, especially his own) but he may even tell you a little about his past to show you're not alone.
Once you've calmed down a bit, he turns his attention to the factory- and calls an early shutdown for the day. His workers are understandably confused, but he tells them not to question it.
He's not going to just comfort and run, he's gonna stick close to you for the rest of the day.
You want to talk more about your problems? He's listening. You want to discuss something else? He's got plenty of subjects and things to distract you with. You want to cuddle? He'll find a blanket for you both. If you want something to eat or drink, he refuses to let you do it yourself and brings it to you.
He wouldn't put this effort out for just anyone, and if pressed by someone he'd deny he did it, but P03 does care about you.
"I don't want you to feel ashamed. I am proud of who you are. Tell that to the thoughts that are trying to scramble you up."
The Archivist comforting a partner who is ashamed with how they feel
The Archivist can tell your mood is off the moment that your demeanor changes. She says nothing in front of others, but as soon as the two of you are alone, she'd ask if you were feeling alright. She wants to give you a chance to talk on your own if you wish to.
If you do tell her what's bothering you, she gives you a look not of pity, but of sympathy. She'd offer a hug if you'd like it, and she squeezes your shoulders gently.
All of her files are set to the side for you. She wants you to feel better, but she doesn't want to overstep a boundary.
But first, your comfort is her priority. That file the Archivist built on you tells her all she needs to help you out. She'll get your favorite drink in your favorite spot with possibly even a playlist of some soothing music to help you de-stress. Any other comforts you need are easy enough for her to get her claw on.
If you need a distraction from your problem, she has no end to interesting subjects the two of you could talk about or things she could show you to take your mind off of things.
She doesn't want to goad you into telling her anything, but she insists that you can tell her anything; she's a really good listener, after all. If you want to be left in solitude, she'll let you calm down by yourself if that's what you need.
But if you want to talk, she's there to listen. The Archivist loves to listen to you, though to hear the hurt and shame in your words, see it in your face… It tugs at something in her circuits.
She'd do anything to make you feel differently, but of course it's never as simple as that. So she tries to understand your position. She might ask gentle questions about why you might feel this way or what she could do to help- but if those questions upset you, she would immediately backtrack.
Your state of mind is her top concern and she tries her best to be attentive and understand.
"You're my sweet partner, and nothing could ever make me ashamed of you. I wish I could change things for you… But I can stand by you through your troubles. Always."
#chibi wrote a thing#inscryption#inscryption p03#inscryption archivist#p03 x reader#archivist x reader#inscryption x reader#x reader#I chiseled at these all weekend- I wanted to get them right!#Also that wasn't oversharing- you're good#Like- I have a bad inferiority complex so this hit close to home#Not to compare my issues to others' of course#Anyway- feel better friend~
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My mom got a shitty tattoo of a dragonfly on her hip when she was my age and she always regretted it and got it removed like a couple years ago anyway should I get a better one in the same place just to fuck with her.
#tattoo#tattoos#parental issues#I do want tattoos I'm just not sure what and where y'know#this is mostly a joke but also... it's a pretty harmless tattoo location#like who's even gonna see it aside from me and Jerald right?#course on the other hand it might he a waste of money#but there's also something to be said for embracing elements of my mother she's ashamed of and has cast off herself#when she compares the two of us so frequently#idk
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It's a little interesting seeing the difference between 2016 and 2024 elections in my own reaction to it.
Like one hand, it's been Painfully similar. The horror at seeing the numbers turn out like they did. The feeling of dread gripping my chest. The fear. The backdrop of just pure *tiredness* throughout the day. Awful day. It's a miasma.
But in the 8 years since then, my life has dramatically changed. I went from having no deaths of anyone I really knew to losing like a third of my entire family. I've gotten very, very good at rolling with unexpected punches. I've had to be.
So with this now... it sucks. It really does. I'm so tired and resigned. I Really don't want to go back to how things were under him. But even with the horror and the resignation... idk. Maybe part of it is the fact that I've lived through a Trump presidency before, so I'm already familiar with the continuous monotonous despair that was his presidency. I'm not scared of an unknown evil. I'm resigned to the evil I already know and scared of what else he may do.
And after the completely unexpected loss of my father earlier this year... where I learned he was in the hospital and then just a bit over a day later he was dead. It was a kind of extreme life upheaval that I'm unlikely to experience that way ever again. So after having to roll with *that* punch... and having already rolled with the punch of a Trump election...
I'm tired. It feels like a bad dream. Feels like the bad path of a video game. The Wrong path. But Even Then... I'm not despairing. Not because I'm not scared, or because I don't think it's a horrible thing to have happened. But it's another awful fastball that life has thrown at me, and I have gotten very, very good at coping with those.
#speculation nation#of course on the wide scale a trump election is MUCH greater harm than my own personal loss#so i understand people who are justifiably upset and angry and scared at it. i am too.#but. ive lived through a trump presidency before. it was so so awful. but for things that hurt me Directly and Personally...#very few things can compare to losing my dad like that. that was without a doubt probably the worst night of my life (so far)#something with a marked Before and After. where i am a very different person now than i was before.#and i think a lot of it's the coping methods i picked up after it. which are very useful for Right Now.#knowing that something is awful. knowing that i can do absolutely nothing to change it.#accepting how awful it is. then trying to do what i can to brighten my And Others lives despite it all.#that whole habit ive picked up of focusing on the little joys... using them to remind myself that life is worth living...#not *ignoring* the greater issue. but knowing that it's not the end of the world. and life goes on.#it's gonna be a rough few years. im scared of how much damage hes gonna cause.#but automatically assuming the worst case scenarios will come to pass & then losing hope bc of that???#that doesnt help anyone. least of all yourselves.#so i think that's the core of it. the Roll With The Punches mentality that repeat severe losses has taught me.#this is another punch. and im rolling with it too. gonna do my best to keep going. and to survive. alongside all of you.
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Misc daily life images
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1. COLUMBINEEEE... (I think..???) one of my favorite flowers... I managed to grow a small one in a pot last year. huzzah#2. spicy soup for lunch (another very rare lunch since I usually eat literally the same exact thing every day for my stomach#issues and stuff lol).. also made a fruit smoothie but put tapioca boba in it out of curiosity.. which was weird#3. woven cucumber shavings.. one of the many little meticulous tasks that I find oddly fun and could probably do for hours#4. A RED FOUR LEAF CLOVER!!!! There are some patches of clover in the yard that have weird red coloring and red spots on them#almost like it's some sort of damage or something but it seems natural (and I wonder if it has to do with plants that grow around them at#all since these 'green clovers but where some of them are variously spotted in red' patches happen to be next to patches of weeds/#grouncover that also have red stems and stuff.) but so in the yard it is rare to find a red clover#and also rare to find a four leaf clover. so a RED four leaf clover is the most rare... special child..#5. bapy son on the heating pad (featuring my stinky little toast shaped 2ds lol... i wonder if theyve been obsolete so long that maybe#3ds are actually affordable now (under $100).. hrmm...)#6. Another wii fit mingame score. I'm not sure if this is even lower than the other ones or anything. I never go back to compare them lol#if a score seems good enough to possibly be my best I just take apicture of it anyway. I should probably at some point check what#the 'best' even actually is. I wish the wii always told you ur Best score instead of just your Last score on those games. It does on every#other game but seemingly not the daily fitness check in minigame ones. hrmm..#7. little clovery things covered in beautiful water droplets#8. sky again. of course#photo diary
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Disclaimer: These thoughts are more emotionally than logically expressed, and reflect my own experience and preference.
#I have some beef with Lockwood and I say this as someone who really enjoys both the show and the books.#I've been doing a rewatch to introduce it to my dad (who loves it!) but we just hit Episode 5 and - is it just me but does this episode#plunge rather deeper into the darkness than we see in the previous episodes? It makes sense narratively of course#Complete Fiction has the task of structuring it such that there's a proper midpoint shift in the series and in my own works I increase#the stakes around this point and really let the protagonists struggle. So it's not so much that I have an issue with things getting#more focused dangerous and difficult. I don't know that I have a logical reason for the unease I feel with Episode 5 - there's just somethi#vaguely disturbing to me about it. It may be my own personal sensitivities. The interrogation scene at Winkman's has absolutely nothing#graphic about it and I appreciate the discretion - but it's just so intense - the threats to draw on Lockwood's face with the heated#instrument - the whole electric shocks sequence - I have been told I have a particularly vivid and empathetic imagination so I may just#be filling in too many gaps and feeling the scene more intensely than some would but it genuinely bothered me. More so on rewatch#though I didn't like it the first time either. I wonder too if it's because on rewatch I can compare it to the scene in the book#Gosh - the book scene is *comedic!* 'Let's disguise ourselves as ditzy tourists and while you check the backroom I'll let my coins#fall all over the place and crawl around under the tables loaded with antiques and freak the owners out! And when they get caught#Winkman just lifts them off the ground menacingly and chucks them in the street. The fact that we had to turn this into a midnight#torture scene for TV - I don't know - I don't like it. And just the atmosphere isn't as balanced as in the other episodes. So many flashbac#to grotesque corpse faces which are somehow a lot more disturbing than the CGI ghosts which feel much more Halloweenish#Not much love and light carved out in the darkness. There's some for sure! And even in the torture scene that bugs me I appreciate how it#shows Lockwood's heart and allows us to explore some meaningful territory that the ditzy tourist scene doesn't#I'm just griping and mainly hoping that the rest of the series is more how I remember it from first watch. The warmth of the Portland#Row gang means a lot to me. Stacking this dark feel on top of the discomfort I have with the harsh language rubs me the wrong way#(Thankfully I have online filters so the language isn't an issue for me but it does make me more reluctant to recommend to friends.
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sometimes I just. realise I'll probably never feel normal about money in my life
I grew up poor, but it's not just that. it's that my mother would constantly complain that she didn't have any money, and because I was the oldest and also lived with my dad, she would call me and tell me to ask my dad to give her money. or rather, she'd yell at me to do it. sometimes she'd come over and they'd scream at each other about it. usually not in front of my brothers, I think, but always in front of me.
I remember how I didn't get anything, ever - and I don't mean luxury items, I mean clothes, underwear, school supplies. one time I asked for a set of coloured pencils because I really liked to draw - they weren't expensive, definitely under 10€, but she got mad and told me we couldn't afford that.
but she went to the hairstylist every 4-6 weeks to get her hair cut and dyed. the few times I went with her (I didn't feel comfortable going usually, because I had anxiety but mostly because I knew it was expensive and I knew we couldn't afford it), I saw how much she spent there (not a lot, but definitely a lot more than anything I got). she smokes, so she spent at least 10€ a day on cigarettes too. but that was fine because she 'never got anything for herself'.
when I desperately needed new clothes (because I literally did not have any that still fit and weren't completely broken), she would only take me to one store - because her friend owned it. I hated all of the clothes there and they were expensive, but she got to pay later or something so that's what we did. she always got more for herself than the few pieces I was allowed to get.
even when I had to move in with her again (not voluntarily), she still made me ask my dad for money. when I asked her to buy food she'd tell me she would do that when my dad sent more money. and it's not like he just didn't feel like paying - at least one of us lived with him until I was like 16, and he had less money than she did. but still. she'd always yell at me because he was so bad and I was responsible for making him give her more money.
whenever I got any money, I spent it immediately, because I knew if I didn't, one of my parents would borrow it (maybe I'd get it back, maybe not).
I don't know. I just don't know how to be normal about it. the stupidest things related to money will trigger memories of being screamed at. it all just feels bad.
#that post really hit me I guess#all of this was unnecessary#it could have been okay#if my parents hadn't been so stubborn we'd have got money for certain things. that would have made it a little easier at least#of course the main issue is that they behaved like assholes about it. it wouldn't have changed that. but still.#idk I feel weird calling this stuff abuse because it's really not that bad compared to what other people go through. but it sure made my#life hell for a long long time#idk I just want someone to like. validate that this wasn't okay and that it wasn't my fault or something. I miss my therapist.#personal
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I don’t think I’ve ever truly articulated just how special these characters are to me. I’ve never stayed this interested and invested in a piece of media before, at least within recent memory
#i’m always talking about how the way i feel towards my f/os is ‘different’ but like#i don’t think i’ve ever really explained why it’s different??#with my past f/os even though i would insert them into my life *occasionally* everything i did with them was mostly contained to an s/i-#-that i just projected heavily on#most of the time i wouldn’t even imagine them in my house or with me unless i was having a really hard time#my love for them was still there of course but it wasn’t as nearly direct as it is for my current f/os#with my current f/os something was just… different. that’s what i keep saying#the way i felt towards them was different. the way i approached calling them an f/o was different#i didn’t look at them and immediately go ‘yeah that’s gonna be my favorite character’ like i did for most of my other f/os#this was… different. it felt almost more personal somehow#heck i think the whole reason i got so attached to ryou was because i played nightmare troubadour and got him onto my friends list#maybe it’s because they might’ve played a role in my childhood maybe it was because there was more about them to learn about#the way my love grew for them was just… that. it grew. it wasn’t there from the start but it’s definitely there now#most of my other fictional crushes didn’t work that way. is that weird?#it felt more personal because it took longer for me to feel what i feel for them now. there’s also something about them that just felt more#i almost want to say ‘real’? something sbout them felt more real to me than my other f/os were#even though my f/os face ‘shadow games’ and dark ancient egyptian magic on a daily basis… they felt more relatable somehow#when you really get down to it they’re just… teenagers. teenagers that are lowkey messed up and probably need help#and y’know what? on a much smaller scale i might be exactly that too. and maybe that’s why they felt much more real and understandable to me#any ‘issues’ or similar problems i share with them are obviously much more smaller when compared to their versions of it but#seeing someone else face those issues (even on a much larger scale) makes me feel less isolated in it. less like no one could understand#because i see that *they* can understand how i feel. *they* can feel just as alone as me with a problem despite the both of us sharing it#i can understand them and why they do things because we’re both just. absurd teenagers. and that gives us familiarity#my feelings towards my f/os are ‘different’ because they’re different. they’re more real and feel more familiar than any of my other f/os#and in someway… i think my love for them feels more real too.#quartzshipping#anyway it is absolutely horrific yet amazing that i have been interested in this series for a year and (almost) five months now#i’m happy regardless that it’s gone on this long. sometimes i worry that maybe it’ll end at some point but#i think i need to stop worrying about it and just enjoy it as it is now#it’ll fall off when it falls off. all that matters right now is that it makes me and others happy and that i feel something towards it
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Sometimes people will criticize a piece of media for things about it they don’t like and some bozo-on-the-internet’s advice will be “well if you expanded your horizons and interacted with media that fundamentally Does Not Interest you…”
#txt#saw someone in the dragon age tag saying that yeah dav’s writing may not be great compared to other things#but there’s other media out there that has what you want if you just take a look at games that are Completely Different In Every Way#I don’t know why it’s such a widely unaccepted idea that people have preferences pertaining to the genres they consume#like if I’m upset with a game that’s combat heavy and plays a specific way#why would the solution automatically become ‘look for a niche game made twenty years ago that has absolutely no combat’#<- an example to describe the larger point before it’s assumed that’s the only argument I’m making#like there are multiple genres of games for a reason and I’m not saying you can’t enjoy multiple types#but I AM saying that when someone has very valid criticisms of a game that could have been and should have been done better#it’s kinda dumb to assume all their issues with it can be solved just by looking elsewhere#YES there are other games we would enjoy of course there are#but this is the fourth game in a series and most of us are here because OF that series not because we’re out searching for any old game to#play like this is about being a long time fan for a lot of people#and even if it wasn’t#it’s not like I’m going to be looking for a game that plays like dragon age#be unsatisfied with it in general#and then go looking for…say a puzzle game in a niche cartoon style with no combat…#that arguably has a story that’s much better than dav#because just because the story has what I’m looking for doesn’t mean I’ll be satisfied with an experience so divorced from the one I was#looking forward to in the first place that ultimately let me down#a thousand tags because my thoughts got away from me as per usual#rant tag
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i will never shut up about how much i hate the college system in the us and the way it’s all about money because i genuinely love learning and i miss being in school so fucking bad but i simply cannot afford the education i want
#also i was always told that there’s no real difference between the education you get at community college vs a university and like…#to an extent i support that like of course there should be no shame in attending community college and i’m grateful that it’s an option#and it depends on the school and the person but in my experience with the schools accessible to me that is just not true#i’ve attended a university as well as three different community colleges and while the university as a whole was just not for me#there was a HUGE difference in quality compared to all of the community colleges in terms of academics alone#i was miserable most of the time at university bc i found it really hard to make friends there and didn’t like living in that town etc#but i did enjoy a lot of my classes and even the ones i didn’t love or find super engaging did have a lot of value for me#whereas every single community college class i’ve taken felt like a complete waste of time and money bc i genuinely got nothing out of them#all of the content felt watered down and literally all of the material was stuff i had already learned in high school or even middle school#and i understand that not everyone learned the same things in k-12 or even got to attend k-12 so those classes can be valuable for others#but my issue is with the classes that are presented as equivalent to specific university classes (same course name and credits etc)#and then the material/coursework is objectively not on the same level at all#it’s especially frustrating bc i had a full merit scholarship at the university i attended so all of those good classes i took were free#and then at community college i paid tuition to learn absolutely nothing#i left that university bc being there was actively harming my mental health and i still think that was valid for me to do#but at the same time i regret it bc i’ve realized i simply cannot get that level of education at a community college#and i can’t afford any other universities (or even to go back to the same one bc that scholarship is only available for hs applicants)#once again i understand everyone comes from different backgrounds and college is a unique experience for everyone whether university or cc#but for me personally university classes were the only ones that i actually got value / learned anything from#and it’s extremely disheartening to actively want to learn and feel like you have no way to do so bc it’s exorbitantly expensive#i also need to acknowledge that i am white and i come from a middle class family and that privilege applies to education as a whole#there are much much worse positions i could be in and i recognize that#this is just a vent post bc as much as i have to be grateful for this situation still fucking sucks#that’s all bye#vent#lj.txt
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me when there's motion in math: 🥰😍😘😜💕
me when there's motion in science: 😑😭☹😫
#u guys i love math so bad. so so bad. it is like a quarter of my heart. half of it is science and the other quarter is lit analysis#and like. physics is FINE as a science i love it as a whole but i DESPISEEEEE motion its so BORING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so so soooooo boring#and for this specific course we are NOT allowed to take derivatives for our velocity + instantaneous acceleration so its like -_- ughhhhh#my issue w physics is currently im in a course that is NOT challenging me so it DOESNT stimulate my brain#bc i am in MUCH higher level courses and have TAKEN higher level courses before so dumbing it down is like .........#and THUS i dont rlly pay attention (now i do bc its forces and forces r so so dear to me) and so i like do not do as well as i want to#ive explained this to so many ppl bc i feel so nice after determining why i dont like doing work in/for that class#compared to every other class...on the bright side i like to THINK my prof likes me! we have very fun conversations!#anyway i finished smth that has been on my todo list for DAYSSS so theres a sense of accomplishment and also a budding headache#after i shower + eat dinner im gonna work on...more writing thats on my todo list and then i will do my schoolwork. godbless 🙏🏽
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its so sad/weird reading about catholic/christian guilt and shame and fear and etc because. i dont know what was different about my upbringing because it was in religion and in faith. but i never had anything like that. its still such a weird feeling
#i dont want to post like omg its so sad that other people have this issue :( not be though lol!#like i dont want to make it about me but its a weird feeling still and i suppose i still kind of exist beside it#like imagine hugging my teddy bear helped me a lot thru hard times in my childhood. and then you hear that someones teddy bear was filled#with nails and razors instead of plush. like of course my shock/sadness at this does not compare to hugging nails and razors but its so...#man. i wish you could have had a bear filled with plush like me? i wish i could share it with you that there are bears filled with plush#out here? you dont have to like my bear its understandable. but i wish you could know and understand because in my mind#a lot of people would love to have a soft plushie bear?#im not going to preach or anything but idk. the feelings of joy trust safety etc i have there. i wish other people could experience it too
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Four Times the Batkids Forget They're Adopted, and The One Time Damian Forgets He Isn't
It had started off as a joke, as most things do, and Dick meant nothing behind it, really. It was amusing to him, actually, to tell his coworkers things about Batman and pass it off as his father. “Oh my dad? Yeah hes not big on talking. He loves showing me he cares though.” (this was, of course, in reference to Batman doing three back flips and a kick split when Nightwing had patrolled with him the other day, a classic Nightwing move) But it soon…went deeper. Dick stopped making jokes out of it, and actually began listing things about Bruce. About his Dad. It didn't help that his police friends were actually interested. “So did you and the old man do anything fun over the weekend?” Dick thought back to how he had wanted to surprise Bruce by stopping by for dinner and instead had ended up in the sewer eating granola bars on a stakeout for killer croc, who had escaped. Again. “Oh yeah we had a picnic.” Dick nodded, smiling at Randy. “Yeah. He’s, he’s kinda bad at remembering when to eat a meal on time and all that.” Dick laughed. “Its something I share too. Must be genetics.” He rolled his eyes. Randy laughed, clapping a hand on his shoulder. “I hear you. My old man smoked all the live long day. I try to keep it down, but that addiction gene is just strong eh?” Dick chuckled. “Yeah I guess.” His phone buzzed in his pocket and he waved to Randy, turning to tug it out. It was one, simple message from Babs. “Ur adopted genius. What genes.”
Jason didn't even know how they had gotten on the topic. But here they were. “Yes. I got my mothers hair, of course, but I get my temper from my father.” Artemis was saying. “I have parents.” Bizarro grunted. Roy laughed, smacking him on the shoulder. “Well you certainly didn't get Kal’s looks buddy. But you do have his killer hair.” Starfire laughed. “That is true. I, for one, share my parents hair and have my fathers powers. But truly the best gene I was given were my mothers eyes.” They all turned to Jason. “What about you?” Roy asked. Jason scratched the back of his neck. “Uh, I used to have my dads eyes but um after the pit y'know,” He waved to his now green eyes. “And actually I have my dads dark black hair, and he’s graying early too, which might be why my white streak is so prominent.” They nodded in agreement. “But yeah, hes actually a little taller than me so maybe I’ll still grow a few inches but uh yeah. I don't… remember my mother enough to talk about her.” “Dang man. I wish we could meet your dad.” Roy murmured, laying a comforting hand on Jason’s shoulder. “Then we could really compare. I mean-” He laughed. “You sound like his carbon copy.” Jason frowned at his friend. “What do you mean? You’ve met Bruce?” They stared at him. “Jason,” Artemis began slowly. “Aren't you adopted?”
Tim hunched over the information form, eyes straining to read the small print. His hand reached up to stifle a yawn and he settled for a sigh instead. It was late, but Tim needed to get the form done before he went to bed, otherwise everything would be far too stressful in the morning. He reached over and grabbed his coffee mug, a dark black cup that had a red R painted on it poorly. Bruce had made it for him a few years ago when he had first become Red Robin. He sipped it, staring down at the medical form. “Gods I hate having to do this.” He muttered, but reluctantly grabbed the thick medical binder Alfred had obligingly gotten for him when he had asked for medical records of the family. Tim did not under any circumstances, want to have to sit at the doctors office the next day and somehow lie his way through all the medical questions relating to his family history. He didn't have the time nor patience for it, and it was crucial he was given proper medical advice what with his missing spleen. “Any history of heart issues Bruce?” Tim muttered, flipping back past Martha and Thomas to Bruce’s great great great grandfather. “Nope, guess not.” Tim was halfway through the form when he realized the blood coursing through his veins wasn't Bruce’s.
Steph rubbed a hand across her belly, staring at the monitor. “Your baby looks good Ms. Brown. They’re at the proper stage. Due in about two months. We’ll see you back here for your next check up.” “thank you doctor.” Steph murmured, sliding off the bed and dressing quickly before hurrying out to her car. The car door slammed shut behind her and she breathed, pressing her forehead to the steering wheel. Her phone buzzed. She lifted it and pressed it to her ear, hitting accept. “Hello?” “hey Steph.” Bruce’s voice vibrated through the phone. “How was your doctors appointment?” Steph gave a bitter laugh. “Everything looks good. The baby will come in about two months.” “Thats good. Thats real good.” Steph nodded, eyes closed. “You doing okay Stephanie?” Bruce asked, voice soft. “I don't know.” her voice broke and she squeezed her eyes shut, fighting tears. “I just- I’m so scared Bruce. So scared.” Bruce hummed comfortingly through the phone. “I know Steph. Its scary. And parenting, its hard.” Steph coughed out a watery chuckle. “Was that a hit?” She muttered, rubbing a hand over her face. Bruce chuckled. “No. Baby it wasn't. And just think, you’ll get to see all the firsts I didn't get with you. Their first steps. Their first wave. You might even get to hear them say mama before i kidnap- i mean adopt him or her.” Steph laughed again, and it sounded less watery. “Yeah. Well, when do kids start walking?” She asked in interest, sniffing and sitting up straight again. Bruce hummed. “Well i started walking almost immediately, but Im special.” Steph laughed. “Of course.” “alfred said i first started talking when I was around thirteen months old, and Talia said Damian was walking by ten, but she could have been lying.” Steph nodded. “Tell me more.” She whispered. Bruce obliged, happy to distract her. “Oh and whats probably going to be your favorite, babies, or at least I did, start laughing at around four months.” “laughing?” Steph gasped. “Oh Brucie!!! Thats too funny! Little chubby baby you, the future batman, laughing!” She cooed. She could almost feel his eye roll through the phone and stifled her laugh. “So yeah..” Bruce finished. “You should expect your kiddo to start walking around then. And laughing probably sooner. I would have if you'd be in my life at that time.” Steph was quiet. “Thank you B.” He hummed. “Anytime Steph. I’ll always be here to help you.” “Wait wait wait-” a new voice joined in the background of Bruce. “Are you guys serious right now?” Steph identified it as Jason. “What?” Bruce asked puzzled. “B, Stephs adopted. Her kid is as likely to walk at the same time you did as when she did!”
“Damian?” “Go away Drake.” Damian called back, riffling through the papers. “Dami?” Tim poked his head into his younger brothers room. “Oh hey kiddo. Whatcha doing?” “I am busy Timothy.” Damian countered in annoyance, shoving the box back under his bed and moving to his desk. “What are you looking for?” Tim asked puzzled. Damian ignored him. “Dami.” “Go away Timothy.” Tim crossed his arms, leaning against the doorframe. “Come on Baby Bird. Tell me.” Damian shook his head, covering the blush on his cheeks by poking behind the desk. “Damian.” Tim’s hand was suddenly on his back. Damian jumped. Tim held up his hands in surrender. “Just tell me. I’m sure I can help you find it.” Damian sighed in acceptance, cheeks pink. “I have.. Lost my adoption papers.” He muttered, staring at the floor. But Tim didn't laugh or ridicule him. In fact, when he looked up, his brother seemed thoughtful. “Well i know me and dick and jason have them hung over our beds…” His gaze drifted to the very clearly empty space above Damians bed. “I know.” Damian jerked his head in a nod. “That is why I wished to find it.” Tim nodded in understanding. “Well, lets go look in the den. Thats where Alfred keeps all the legal stuff.” Damian trailed after his brother to the living room and watched as he opened the cabinet and pulled out three boxes. “You look through this one, I’ll search these two.” Tim ordered. Damian nodded, accepting the box. It was where Alfred found them, two hours later, broom in hand. “My dear sirs, what are you doing?” The butler asked in bafflement. “Looking for Damians adoption record.” Tim answered, nose still in some papers. Alfred looked at them. “Master Tim. Master Damian.” The two boys looked up. “Yes Alfred?” Tim asked. Alfred's face was fond and utterly confused. “Master Damian is not adopted. He is Master Bruce’s blood son.”
@nonepizzawithleftglitter @zombiewithaflowercrown
you asked and you shall recieve!
#i only went with four because they were only so many things i could think of for them to forget theyre adopted#batfam#batkids#stephanie brown#tim drake#jason todd#dick grayson#damian wayne#batfamily#batman and robin#hope it lived up to your dreams
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