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wayfinderships · 4 months ago

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Good afternoon gamers!!! I miss F.inal F.antasy. I miss it a lot-

#pan rambles #I haven't played some in a hot minute and I'm crumbling-afibsfjsndi #I miss it a lot...#So much I've been struggling to get the motivation to continue Y.akuza 0-afisbkfsn #Not that I even have the time to play bc of assignments #But still #I miss it!!!#Maybe I'll try to play some Octopath in ky free time #I just missed my turned based battles #It's also why I think I'll prefer I.chiban's games over Kiryu (Minus the crush)#I love hitting things by pressing random buttons!! It Can be real satisfying! But Gameplay Wise. Kiryu isn't my favorite to play as-#It's not as fun for me compared to other games-ajfnsjdsn #Which is a shame bc story wise? I'm enjoying it!#It's just gameplay that kinda isn't my favorite sometimes #Anyways back to assignments! I'll work real hard so I can find the time to play Octopath!#I'll always prefer anime men over realistic looking men (The aro kicks in harder sometimes when they look realistic)

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puppppppppy · 9 months ago

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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..

#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART #I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal #like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends #who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO #and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom #how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house #so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is #by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone #so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis #already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS #it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of #using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht #ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible #theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other #i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close #but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru #i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like #who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in #but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to #put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i #theyre all so. NNGGHHHH #ouran #ohshc #yapping

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jrueships · 3 months ago

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i genuinely cannot stand being around ppl who have to take their anger out on others . i'm so sick of always having to act like the bigger person to my Older brother while he can just tornado around my entire life & belongings & relationships without warrant all over smthing that had absolutely nothing to do with you or anyone, rlly.

#but HE runs and tells on ME?#i was just going to let shit blow over #lock myself away as fucking alwys like when we were little and he would cuss up a fucking storm #screaming crying and throwing the shit i bought over being unable to beat a game he plays every fucking day #set on fucking Easy mode #and hes hitting a bat into the door or wrecking my shit in my room or fucking. yelling abt me to the fuckin dog #and in the 'dog's voice' making the animal agree with him bcs im? acting crazy #over a fcking video game that u cant even tell him to turn off or at least stop fucking screaming and wailing or else it'll just set it off #sooner #when dad did it he was fcking drunk and i was illegitimate #it's like i cant even fcking escape fcking hell.#hiding all my bad grades in math bcs i couldnt read a stupid fking number right bcs i didnt want ppl screaming at me #for causing even more trouble than they already have to deal with and just living as dumb bcs it costs less #ill get over it ill try harder #i always have to be the bigger fucking man and im so fucking tired of it #but how are u supposed to cut off someone youve been assigned caretaker as b4 u were even born #im so fucking exhausted #anyways so yea. im pretty sensitive to tone so if i seem like a baby to smthing i apologize #i rlly just. cant stand sme things sometimes #i love getting told i never felt like a friend to my other siblings not only bcs of our massive age gap but also theyre legitimate and #i dont drink or smoke so apparently we cant hang without them always checking the time on their phones #while im taking them out to smthing they like like it's so fun i fcking love it here #anyways yea. love zero comprehension or compassion. love it. loving my life

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greatgoddyke · 3 months ago

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some bobbles (+ two unfinished things)

#bonk.png #undescribed #exocolonist #i was a teenage exocolonist #iwatec #iwatex #anyway first thing bc its the shortest i dont think sol would actually id as anything n prefer to be unlabeled #bc of like. the timeloop stuff n every life kind of blending together BUT i think it'd be funny as hell if they were aro #n just never became aware of this bc their self reflection skills in regards to shit unrelated to the loop are That Bad #also im aro n like when characters are aro + love it when characters are kind of deranged about their friends #speaking of which madoka au! forever ago i drew the 🤝 meme with sol n homura n now im coming back to that #its not a 1 to 1 au straight up the commonalities begin n end at ''tammy & sol are kind of like madoka/homura''#stuff i got down for it in a sleep deprived haze were that sol nemmie n tangent were the only magical girls #n tammy hasnt been offered to become one nemmie n tangent arent aware that sol is a magical girl for a while #friendgroup at school is nemmie cal tammy n sol (tangent goes to a different school n is separate until she teams up with nemmie)#nemmie n tang team up bc somehow witch attacks keep being diverted from certain locations n grief seeds are disappearing #which is actually sol's doing theyre moving witches away from areas tammy will be n the grief seeds are to 1. discourage nem n tang from #fighting witches n 2. so sol can stockpile them basically bc they use timetravel a lot n need to keep their gem clean #the timeloop has progress (to an extent) its not a singular month looping its kind of like. video game save mechanics #like reloading the save u have before a bossfight n then if ur not adequately prepared reloading a save u have farther back #n then continuing on until u get stuck on a specific fight again yknow #theres more but moving on to the two unfinished things those are meant to be like a utdr au (specifically dr)#in a similar manner to the previous au of same premise n setting but different story bc theyre different characters #there's a lot less set for this au its entirely just playing in the sand n has nothing beyond vague role assignments #the first one that's like lineart in different colors is entirely scrapped bc i didnt like how it was turning out (meant to be darkworld fit #second one i struggled BADLY with marz oh my god this au is literally primarily for having fun with character designs but oh my god.#as it says there shes meant to be a modern art styled metal monster (got the metal idea from her dads' names n the modern art bc shesrefined #n sleek) but i had no actual idea how to convey that n i was trying to tackle it from a pixel art angle this time n i could notfigure it out #n then nomi nomi was super easy literally didnt even sketch them theyre a tiny pixie im sorry marz T-T #probably not gonna touch on this stuff again cause i was fixing on exo to avoid thinking about my bday but its happened so im fine now 👍

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lurking-latinist · 10 months ago

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⛵

#I also keep seeing modern au aubrey-maturin art #that makes me wish I could draw and thereby contribute #unfortunately I can't even *write* modern aus generally. but I like transferring character dynamics from place to place in my brain #and I feel like I could do a university AU very nicely if I could do AUs at all #because I have had rowers in my class with as far as I could tell jack's exact personality #(unfortunately it has to be a US university AU because (a) that's what I know and (b) afaik nobody else does randomly assigned roommates)#(and I cannot pass up the opportunity for randomly assigned roommates.#OR RATHER #for 'you seem more or less human - quick let's request each other so we don't have to go into potluck'#I think that works best)#(but maybe they are both international students anyway. that works fine. & therefore extremely alarmed by potluck [can't say they're wrong]#sophie is a sorority girl. english major I think. and I can see her so clearly #(she's the part I want to draw)#she's not that into the high-octane social schedule her sorority expects her to have #but her pushy mother was a member and it is Unthinkable that sophie should not be #and a lot of the other girls are sweet :) so it's fine :) she says #feel like she has roommate issues (unlike her original self she is able to live away from mrs williams so this makes up for that)#so she's always over in jack and stephen's room. people who know her tangentially sometimes gossip about which one she's actually dating #(at that particular moment it is actually neither of them she's just hanging out with stephen)#diana freed from the shackles of 19th century womanhood creates even more and weirder drama than in canon #idk I just want to see the plot of post captain played out over text message #don't ask me HOW idk HOW i just want it #stephen is a biology major/pre-med obvs. if he can survive organic chemistry #jack is some kind of engineering major. I think he'd enjoy that with the math. diana has changed her major 7 times #(I don't know whether to put jack in rotc. I don't think it Actually actually fits - he's in the navy in canon because he's in the navy #not bc he's Inevitably Military In All Worlds. he would not want to do that if he didn't get to sail #but at the same time I find it hard to picture him not belonging to Discipline somehow.#it's more than a disinterested passion for cleanliness that drives him to wash stephen's mug for him that has had coffee and ramen in it #(and NOT in that order)#in the bathroom sink

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orcelito · 3 months ago

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God, this is fucking crazy

So i only have 3 more classes to take, but it'll cost the same to take 3 classes as 4 classes. So I've been thinking about taking a 4th class just for the hell of it. Something fun and/or easy.

Out of curiosity, I looked up orchestras. I was in it in my first year, but I haven't consistently played since 2016. But I still dream about being in an orchestra again. I *miss it*. So I was like. Well, what if *that* was my 4th class next semester? What If?

I looked it up. This week is the last week they're doing auditions for it. There was only one more spot free after today. And that's *tomorrow evening*.

I haven't really played my violin much in YEARS. I'm so out of practice. But apparently they don't reject anyone outright. Auditions are just for placement. So worst case scenario, I get placed in an orchestra at a lower skill level than I was at my prime. It'd still be an orchestra.

It's crazy short notice, but I don't think I'd forgive myself if I passed it up. Bc I have just one more semester before I graduate. One last opportunity to be in a school orchestra. And if I didn't do this, I'd be left with that What If forever.

So. Crazy short notice, but I have a violin audition tomorrow!!! Hahahaha

#speculation nation #im literally shaking with nerves rn but i want this so so so badly #i remember. how to play. my arms are just so much stiffer than they used to be. and my nails. man im gonna have to trim my fucking nails #at least my left hand. kinda sucks bc i like the polish i have on rn but u cant have any long nail at all for violin.#i need to play two scales of my choosing. ascending and descending in three octaves.#recommended for violin is A C or E-flat major. of course i know A and C but i'd have to look up E-flat. never did much with flats in school #then again i have that One Two Three and a Half rhythm Down. thats how id often warm myself up.#start with the base G string and just do a scale up and down (one octave). go up to the next note. do it again.#again and again until i started running out of room on the E string. & if i was Real motivated maybe id start shifting to continue.#so all id need to do is find the E flat and id be good. it all follows the same pattern.#the harder challenge will be the solo or etude. 2-3 minutes in length. only *one day* to prepare.#i have NO IDEA what id even play. i'll look in my old sheet music to see if theres anything that might work #simple enough for me to relearn on such short notice. and interesting enough to be played solo #(since i was always in orchestras it's not always the best for solo playing. tho i was also first violin section a lot #which is Basically the same as playing solo lmaooo)#if i cant find anything i do have a few sheet music books i could look in. id hate to play smth too simple #but better simple and Right than trying to do something above my current skill level.#which IRKS ME bc once upon a time i was the 4th best violinist in my high school. out of nearly 2k students.#but thats what happens when u go years without consistent practice :p ur arm gets Stiff.#im. still nervous but also thinking about the music is making me EXCITED.#it's going to be a wild time prepping for this thing but itll be over in like 5 mins and i dont even have to worry about Passing #so long as i *do it* i should get into something. i just need to push myself. do it. get out there. *play your violin*#i already cried in a public bathroom for 10 mins today and im feeling emotional Again.#not quite crying emotional tho thankfully. just. i feel like i need to climb onto a rooftop and SCREAM!!!! but like in a good way.#so so so nervous but itll be so so so worth it. i could be in an orchestra again. finally. finally finally finally.#and i STILL NEED TO FINISH THIS ASSIGNMENT.....!!!! hfkahfks today has been. a DAY.#just. keeps going through my head. i could be in an orchestra again. i could be in an orchestra again. at least one more time.

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iknowwhereyousleepatnight · 3 months ago

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it's that time of the semester where i get my calculator out and do the math for all my classes to see how much i can get away with not doing to still get a passing grade

#can't believe there was a time where i completed every assignment to my fullest that's not what school's about school is #about skating by and getting ur degree and saving so many extra hours from not doing dumb assignments u dont care about so u can #spend those hours doing things u do care about like chilling in ur bedroom floor or playing webkinz or perhaps even writing smut #and it's chill bc my gpa was so good for so long that i can literally get straight cs if i wanted and still have a good gpa for grad school

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ichigosoju · 7 months ago

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🍪🥛

#out of sight out of mind....#im not gonna check his blogs every day from here on out #and i hid/archived our chat so i dont have to see it when i open the messaging app #i do have some kind of 'fomo' lol bc i dont wanna miss out on any potential glimpse into his mind or days #esp now when he doesnt tell me anything anymore. idk anything abt what goes on with him #but .. i am allowing and letting him control my life #i obsessively check my phone and refresh his blogs ALL day #it's extremely unhealthy and pathetic and i know this #it's just hard to stop bc i genuinely... love him sm #plus he told me he wanted me for real so he made me not only dream of a life i thought wasnt possible for me #but also WANT it. i only want him and to live with him and be his. that's all i want but he just cut me off out of nowhere lol #and im still hung up on it... i dont want my boring reality. current nor future. i just want the reality where im with him which he made me #think was smth i could have one day soon.#but anyway. if his feelings changed that's how it is. it's not even his fault it's just how things work in life #even if i dont want to accept it i have to. i cant keep living in this limbo. i try to talk to him but he's a wall so that's a No.#so i cant let him control my life and waste away all my days on him #i need to stop checking his blogs and our chat. that's the first step #im still gonna allow myself to think of him and daydream and fantasize. but that will have to stop soon too #then i have to focus on doing my assignments and read books and go to the gym #things that will help me get realistically where i want in my current reality #i want to finish highschool and then apply for a preschool or library program #and hopefully the plan is to get a student housing apartment so i can move out finally and live on my own and study #then when i finish i'll look for a job as either of those things. and a place to live (which is super fkn hard in these modern chaos times)#even if i have to live my life all alone... i want to be as comfortable as i can at least #i can live in my own row house and have pets and work and read and play games and watch shows #and see and talk to my mom #i mean hopefullyyyy i'll be able to try to make at least some shallow connections so i have ppl to hang out with #i can always hope to meet someone who'll fall in love with me but im not counting on it #ugh.. bc as it is now #i dont do ANYTHING but be on my phone

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lightblueminecraftorchid · 1 year ago

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being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.

#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness.#COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye #yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all #until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs #I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying.#even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat!#my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone #and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor #the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T #I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home #lonely TT-TT #it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry #I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now #but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up #and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time #I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week.#I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me #I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over #so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T.#I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind.#<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind

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mxdotpng · 1 year ago

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best part abt having an ff14 oc is creating side content for ur wol's character development, completely unrelated to the msq going on

#.text #lately ive been thinking about how the 'traitor' nonsense in stormblood never gets addressed.#like how the garleans found rhalgr's reach and zenos can just waltz in.#so i used that to finally FINALLY fit in something ive been trying to put into the story for YEARS #upon walking into rhalgr's reach for the first time. the undercover traitor. a scientist who works for garlemald. like instantly #recognizes adaline. because he was one of the scientists who helped create her - and one of the ones eventually punished for her escape.#so he took it upon himself to complete his assigned task And bring their wayward expiriment back.#originally in one of addie's very very first drafts. when i first played the game. and when she was like still a human and not #some sort of fleshy robot clone thing. lol #she had a brother named beau. i think im going to bring him back as sir scientist here #he gets caught for recognizing her and thinks quickly. he could use this. so he pretends to be her long lost brother #(a lie) who has been searching for her ever since she disappeared (the truth). and since addie doesnt have any memories #nor does she even know she was Created rather than born. not yet. its not like she can say hes lying.#even if she knows something is wrong...#need this. so a) there are Seeds there for his 'i was created' event and b) so he finally has a reason and an ending to her sudden #'who was i' thoughts. like lately shes been wondering what his life was like Before the amnesia. and this is like #a very sudden and very convenient thing for her to happen. so shes suspicious. and honestly is a little too willing to let it happen #even if his default nature is distrusting.#but it also gives an easy out for trying to figure out When the twins find out addie is a weapon. bc i was never sure where to put that #but here is good. here is good #im literally a genius. smartest writer ever. ok maybe not but also yes #adaline rozovy

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belladonnafleur · 1 year ago

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💌

#grrrrr #not the random ass burst of inspiration that I got #like I genuinely tell myself that im not good at anything bc theres always someone better #but I want to do !! so many things !!#I want to sing more! and act! and play violin!#but now sing more than ever even tho I h8 my voice #bc auditions for musical come soon and I want to be in it #im also just watching a vid of a show that my crush was in and shes so cute!! and scrungly!!#I hate her but it feels like I love her #also I don't think anything is going to go anywhere w new girl #I just want my jacket back lol #I have a paper due tues but bc I forgored I thought it was due thurs #so uh #I have less time than I thought #and a final tomorrow #and an assignment tomorrow night #im doing so good at budgeting my time /s #I don't want to think about school or moving out!! I just want my crush!!#I want her dumb hair and her dumb hands and her dumbass #I want her!!!!!#this is bad for me #my stocks are low #I want her I want to get married and run away #I haven't left my room all day #I see my therapist tomorrow so at least I get to vent all of this out #I go cazy #I want to marry Her (crush)#even tho I know SHE DOESN'T want me #and my every interaction w her solidifies that she doesn't want me #and nothing is going to come out of interactions w girl im sorta friends w/seeing rn

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gothcarmelasoprano · 2 years ago

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maw why are these troll accounts linked through my ex best friends STILL following me

#im highly convinced at this stage she was the one that made the fake accounts #the gas thing is is that she was mainly an online friend and had she kept in touch with me at the time she wouldve known i was in the #studio in college preparing for my assignment for the semester so i dont fail like there were specific requirements we had to get done for #that week... and you think i would have that time to make fake accounts if anything itd be you and your online friends #emphasis on online because you could hardly make friends or even get a job here so you got one back home #the saddest thing is that the memes can be funny but its just what they represent in this whole situation that sours it completely #dont get me started on her friend she is honestly so polarising even from an outsider's perspective #ugh it doesnt annoy me anymore as it did because at the end of the day it has nothing to do with me but the fact that theyre STILL going on #about it makes me think that her and her online buddies have nothing else to do apart from being with themselves constantly #i had that life but no way did i want to live that way in my 20s 💀#i fucked up before that incident but isnt it convenient when we hardly spoke for a month just for the ~fake account~ to appear to stop #being friends like as awful as it sounds but itd actually be a lot easier just to say you dont want to be friends #instead of dragging outsiders into it like you do best #the saddest thing is that she was actually quite fake even before she went down a permanent online rabbit hole #and i was aware of it but because i was emotionally vulnerable at the time i never cut her off since i really wanted friends to talk to #play that cool girl alty idgaf attitude all you like but it doesn't change the fact that you're superficial no matter how much you mask it #ugh im hormonal and i cant sleep but at the same time its nice to be able to freely bc not as many people use tumblr anymore #i block those accounts not because im offended or im precious about my image but they do spam and its annoying af so i dont want that tbh #having pictures with a school friend whilst under the same breath making jokes of their dead brother is not a good look 😬#i did fucked up things as a result of coping with trauma and alienation as a teenager but this is actually low?#im sorry but it does it screams fake and im pretty sure that the fake treatment was given to me when we first became friends #fake people rarely ever change #i have to get ready for work in an hour this was unexpected #might vent later because i feel like i can do anything on this godforsaken website #the shocking thing to them is that they nothing on me if anything the 'proof' she showed me almost exposed her and her crowd #i have deleted my fb account but i still have the screenshots somewhere

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noxtivagus · 2 years ago

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i get distracted so easily but i promise i'll get more done ! eventually aaaa 🫶🏼

#🌙.rambles #i find it so amusing how wnvr i have a new interest i always get into it so deeply #a week ago i listened to sm architects songs n searched up sm lyrics n read articles too n now this week it's #switched to the 1975 n i'm listening to sm of their songs too n reading even more articles n watching stuff n YEAH N #oh dear. i shld be doing my assignments due like 24 hours from now n they're easy n i'm nearly done #that's the thing i'm srs nearly done but i keep on getting distracted 😭 n then other stuff too i wna do but forget hflkasdjfd #can't blame me though bcs isn't there just so much to life? n other than all these responsibilities n. survival i suppose. in this society #i just want to live n. learn everything. understand as much as i can and be understood.#be at peace w all the contradictions in life.. 'always' is never possible but i do know i'll endlessly keep on going on until my end #sorry. that doesn't really make sense i just contradicted myself 💀 theres rlly just sm n. it's weird bcs.. i've rlly known extremes so well #like w apollo i have a twin i know how it is to have. such a deep and close relationship with another person. we're like #familial soulmates fr so ik how to direct my energy so.. yk yeah so IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN BUT #maybe a better comparison is. yk when i love something i'm super passionate about it. obvious i have phases here n then but #i have. a wide range of interests but. arghhh no not quite that as well. so.. the range n that intensity? coexisting?#n it's overwhelming often bcs it's too much. n in the past trying to do more than i could rlly drained me like. sm at the same time #but then yk that time for me where i mostly just played ffxiv. uh. help i don't know how to say it n then i forgot what i was gna write #ah. it's just a lot. i really can't write it enough. such is one of the limits of being human #but.. the strong thought i have of how these stuff make more important things more meaningful is just #at the same time there's. another thought that battles it w a similar intensity. n i feel too deeply i think too much of it #but if you were to ask me how i was doing right now i'd say. perhaps stressed yes but i'm doing alright right now. actually maybe not #HELP NO I'M NOT DOING THIS ANYMORE I'M CONFUSING MYSELF W MY OWN WORDS 😭 dw tho i am fine just rather frustrated with time #i want to do so much but yk i have these priorities that i need to do.. i mean. not really 'need'. but.#ah i just love thinking of how life is in relation to society n its people n then w. i forgot how to say it.. but yk. just the universe #it's so heavy thinking about these heavy things so often. the intense desire to understand n be understood..#to learn and to be learned. or maybe these songs r making me think of how. there's just so much. in life n death n everything #there's so much i don't know n again n again i keep on saying that while there's so much i don't know in every single aspect #there's.. people that r specifically one of my greatest weaknesses w just how unpredictable we are. i love it though but at the same time #it's uh. yeah. thinking of time n the past n present n future n how it's filled with so much is something that i want to #i want to take all of it in but it's also so overwhelming n i'm just at odds with my own self rn but i'm fine #words aren't enough honestly. but i want to convey it somehow. so i'll do what is right for me. in time.

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waywardsalt · 21 days ago

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probably not going to try and lean into any sort of like weird fiction/lovecraftian/eldritch whatever horror-specific aspects with the new bellum x linebeck fic inspirations asides mostly bc i dont actually find that stuff interesting as horror

#salty talks #i remember a few months or smth ago i was watching this yt vid abt some weird little #horror game while putting an assignment together and at some point while discussing theories aht the game the guy #brought up some lovecraftian or w/e entity and started explaining the lore and whatnot abt it and i zoned out HARD #im not too familiar with this set of genres but waht i have seen is very like. ok?#like i think obsession is interesting and so is pursuing knowledge but once you get to 'ooooohhh creatures beyond human comprehension'#is when it loses me bc like. idk i dont give a shit man i dont really think its too interesting on its own #like it always comes off as some slightly pretentious creature feature half of the time and it rlly only gets some zest #imo when it starts including different types of horror like. idk psychological horror body horror whatever #i find it more interesting as a jumping off point or smth but a lot of the time if the lovecraftian stuff Is The Horror then i stop caring #theres a good chance that some horror stuff ive likes and found scary was eldritch horror stuff but most of the time. man idc #like i dont think the king in yellow is scary. like i dont think the character is scary i dont think its creepy or anything how its used #im much more interested in how the human characters somehow react to the play but even then its like. man idk its not very scary #eh for all i know ive completely lost the plot on this and am just saying shit and misunderstanding this genre of horror #i picked up the king in yellow for signalis reasons. ive never been too particularly interested in this horror subgenre anyways #im going more into the idea of obsession but thats kinda it. obsession and a guy wanting to fuck the horrors #never been interested w/ doing horror stuff w/e bellum probably bc i have so little interest in th subgenre most easily applied to him #like ive had horror ideas w/ him that probably leaned into eldritch ideas but i dont have interest in deliberately dipping my toes in it #tldr theres going to be like no deliberate horror in this fic bc i dont gaf abt making it horror in the same vein as my inspirations

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gutmeats · 4 months ago

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the assignment: watch this video and write what influinces you think the events of what happened in Indonesia the 90s had on this Indonesian production of Hamlet. the video isnt in english which is good because you can better focus on the production itself!

the video: [disconnected, contextless scenes from said Indonesian production interspersed with what i can only assume is interviews with the audience and maybe A Singular Crew Member (which i can only assume bc he says Hamlet multiple times) where the only thing you know For Sure what is going on is the lady speaking in english saying that she didnt understand the play at all. also theres no subtitles, english or otherwise]

#this project is due TONIGHT but i have no fucking clue what to do #it said “before watching the video research what happened in Indonesia around the time the play was in production”#but like. it gives Zero resources or points you in any direction of What to research. it just says “research Indonesia”#it doesnt even have the word “politics” in the assignment description. im only assuming its talking about Indonesian politics bc its Hamlet #also the assignment description did in fact straight up say it was a good thing i couldnt tell what anyone was saying #which is fucking bs bc one of the interviews the guy talked A Lot so i can only assume that he mightve said something that would help me!!!!

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voulezloux · 9 months ago

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#i am so stressed rn #like i’m constantly stressed all the fucking tiem #i somehow am keeping up with everything i have to do assignment wise for school #while also simulaneoualy feeling like i’m falling behind and i can’t get everything done #like it shows in my grades that i’m on top of shit #my lowest grade is a 92.9% in my law class and that’s still a fucking A #between work and school i don’t have a lot of time for myself #i need to write but i’ve been so fucking exhausted that i cannot even process writing #i’m barely processing any fic i’m reading #or textbooks that im reading #my life since january has basically been playing uber for my mom #driving my dog to and from the sitter’s #going to work #doing school #and going to all my fucking doctors appointments that i have every month #and i don’t mind playing uber for my mom i really don’t #but i’m also not getting a lot of sleep on top of everything #like at most i’ll get 7 1/2 hours on a good day #but i’m averaging 4.5-5.5 hours a night #because i stay up until midnight doing school work and i usually have to be up by 6a to drive my mom to work #i don’t go to bed usually until 1a because i’m still fuckign wired from the day #because i haven’t been able to stop and breathe #i’m p sure i’m developing some kind of eating disorder or at least disordered eating #bc since jan ive lost 22lbs #compared to march 2023 to jan 2024 where i lost 16 pounds #and i know i’m not eating enough or im not eating routinely enough and im diabetic i can’t go long hours between eating #but i’ll got like 6-8 hours between the time i eat lunch to when i eat dinner #i have to get my big bang done by the 28th bc it posts the 29th #and i have so much shit to do for school i do not know how the fuck i’m going to make it to the end of the semester #idk life sucks and i want to cry but i don’t even have time to cry

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