#Not my best doodles but I had some fun making them regardless.

[pearl-crystals]

I doodled a little bit of kritters by @tawnysoup Their kritters are super charming and I like them every time I see them. Forgive the photo quality, it's been a bit of a struggle lately haha.

Also I drew one picture of the kritter of King. I based it off of my picture of my Grandpa's dog whose got massive anxiety.

Bright one, do you have treats? I would like a hamburger.

[withered--s0uls]

OKAY, I think I'm done for now.

@electrozeistyking and I a little while ago talked about how GD!N would react to DAS!Cyn. They went on about in a reblog but basically he would be extremely happy bc DAS!Cyn is a separate entity to the Absolute Solver, therefore meaning she's not the one behind everything.

So at first they probably both would be extremely happy. DAS!Cyn in her own AU upon meeting N first is absolutely terrified that he might hate her after everything the AS made her do. So the fact GD!N would react very positively to her presence would be a huge a relief to her.

Now, the issue is that the "Dormant" in "Dormant" Absolute Solver is in quotations for a reason. It simply lost interest in her as a main host / had no need for her anymore. It still has admin rights over DAS!Cyn and she still has a Solver Form. Though she doesn't use it by choice bc of PTSD triggers (until possibly a specific point in Ep7 but I'm waiting for ep8 to decide).

So yeah I think that would make both GD!N and DAS!Cyn kinda anxious to put it lightly.

(More Art and stuff under cut because this crossover has been living RENT FREE IN MY HEAD)

Also fun fact

@electrozeistyking has mentioned and shown Beanie finding comfort in the sound of her fathers core.

Well funny story.

DAS!Cyn always was comforted by her brothers core back at the manor, when they first reuite at the start of Ep6 and she sees DAS!Uzi summon her Solver wings and tail, her instinct is pressing closer to DAS!Ns chest for comfort. Her memories of the Solver features are very very blurry, but she is triggered by seeing them regardless.

I thought It was cute the girls have that in common, so I decided to draw them and GD!N sleeping with the girls having their heads close to his core :3

OKAY FINALLY WE GET TO THE DOODLE PAGE

I didn't feel like fully making these so they're sketchy doodles :"

The first two are based on Zeisty saying GD!N would probably pick DAS!Cyn up and spin her around. Also you probably noticed between this doodle, the first drawing & the Tiny!N & DAS crossover post, but DAS!Cyn displays flowers on her visor to emote happiness!

The 3rd and 4th are just random interactions between the kiddos lol. I feel like Beanie probably would be happy to have another Auntie, not to mention one closer to her age so they can do silly kid stuff together. DAS!Cyn... oh boy

She would feel a whole range of emotions; grief about missing so much of her brothers life (like he has a kid ffs), guilt and self blame after finding out what happened to Uzi (she blames herself for everything the AS caused, even tho she never agreed to it) which might end up in a "slight" breakdown, anger at the AS for causing GD!N that kind of pain and eventually once she processed all those emotions she probably would be excited to get to know Beanie. Like!! Imagine finding out you have a little Niece!!

She probably would struggle to easily keep up with Beanie bc she still has motor issues like in canonverse so she's a little slower, so it'd be mostly her trying not to fall over her own feet whilst being dragged around by an excited toddler who probably even with child lock is stronger than her lmao.

Also I drew DAS!Cyn in an alternate outfit bc I wanted to actually kinda show the oil reserve canister,,,

Ok wanting to respond to the hashtags specifically bc :)) yay

Also ig this is some DAS lore fact drops lol

Yeah, DAS!Cyn kinda didn't take it well either when she first realized the AS technically can still take over if it really wanted to after she transferred bodies in an attempt to escape. Imagine getting your core nearly crushed in an attempt to flee from robo satan just to find out entity STILL can use you for their bidding. Like!!! Damn that's not fair the kid nearly fucking died trying to break free!!!

DAS!Cyn definitely would want to spare Beanie the horrors too. DAS!Cyn herself is mentally like 7-10/11 at best 6-9 at worst -- despite kids usually just saying whatever comes to mind, she repressed most AS related stuff for a reason, she definitely wouldn't share what she knows with her newfound niece

I feel things would be either super great and happy or super traumatizing depending on when in the timeline we throw DAS!Cyn at them. If she's there during ep 6-7? Oh boy. Oh no. DAS!Cyn & DAS!N have an exchange during Ep7 that would not go over so well if it was GD!N in DAS!Ns place, because it would be awfully similar to GD!Uzis death -- she doesn't die, because DAS!N can't get himself to shoot with her being so close to the AS, despite her literally shouting at him to do it and that she won't be angry, that'll be fine. -- yeah I don't think GD!N would handle that well 😭 Zeisty feel free to get the angst train rolling if you wanna add your two cents on how that'd go over -- any point before that? Probably fine. Post S1? I'd imagine also fine depending on what Ep8 throws at us (except like... look at ideas list for more info*)

I'll assume that'd be Beanie reacting to seeing DAS!Cyn having the Solver tail and possibly the glitching Solver symbol in her visor. Yeah she definitely would try to play it off and go try and hide somewhere until she can get it under control again. High stress or negative emotions causes her Solver to act up (unrelated to the AS, just her own Solver form without the entity controlling anything!!) So what I said above to her reaction to the news of GD!Uzi being dead? And possibly finding out the reason why? Yeah that might trigger her tail and wings to pop out and her to basically be reduced to a hyperventilating ball on the floor because of proceeding to blame herself for all of GD!Ns suffering due to thinking the AS actions & it being a danger are her fault

Other things I kinda wanted to doodle but didn't for now, might do at a later point;

Cyn still has a Solver Core, which is the same as a DD core (except smaller lol). So I was playing with the idea of Beanie noticing that her core sounds different from GD!Ns due to hers being severely damaged and actively leaking after the AS attempted to crush it during the body transfer. DAS!Cyn then trying to play it off

Some kind of acknowledgement of the Oil reserve canister on DAS!Cyns back, it was made by Tessa before the AS did the medurder and stuff. It's supposed to help keep the Solver in check by preventing overheating, hence why its directly connected to her chest where her core is

There was something else but it slipped my mind

Smth I'm not gonna say publicly for now until Zeisty posts something about it and/or eventually posts the chapters bc I don't want to spoil esp not bc it isn't my place to :" (if you're curious, Zeisty, lmk I can tell you in VC or DMs lol) but it partly would possibly be related to the 1st idea listed

* I have an idea for what happens to Cyns original body (the one the AS uses & that wears Tessa) post Ep8 IF Ep8 let's me do it that is. I think it could be fun to crossover that idea bc of GD!Ns ghost sight.... tho it definitely also would be fucking stressful and trauma inducing bc Solver stuff sooo yeah rip (again, if you want I could elaborate in vc or DMs on this bc I want to first wait and see what the season finale brings before I do anything "official" with this)

GD!N reacting to the information that DAS!Cyn canonly shot "Tessas" gun at the AS (well technically at its tentacles. Point being that kid fired a gun/knows how to use one) -- which again could be very interesting if we were to toss them into the same Ep7 bc that's when she does it

Possibly GD!N finding out ab the scars/cracks surrounding DAS!Cyns core bc,,, yeah

Anyways uuuhh heightbsheet bc I'm 99% sure I drew stuff inaccurate

These were actually so fun to draw and think & talk about. I'll post the GD x IC crossover once I'm done with that (yes, yes there is more than what you already saw Zeisty. Not much more but more nonetheless)

[velnna]

This might sound like an odd question but I’m planning on making my own comic at some point and I was wondering if you had any advice? Specifically in making the plot, deciding what each character does and maybe panel/page composition and how to make harmonious colour palettes?

Also one more question but when you were at the beginning of developing Stray Souls did you post little lore/plot snippets and character doodles/info or did you mainly wait until the comic was out?

(Sorry I know this is a lot but I was just wondering sort of what your process is because everything seems so seamless and well-put-together :> )

Ehh first of all the seamless and put-togetherness is an illusion 🫠

A lot of my work is built organically (fancy way of saying I just sorta wing it) and very dependent on what makes me excited at each given point. Generally, I come up with an idea for a character or a plot point and from there start branching out.

Say, I create character A. A needs a story so I create some beats for them, a beginning-middle-end type thing. While thinking of this, characters B, C, etc pop up as placeholders/devices for A's story, and the world gets shaped around it as well. Then suddenly something in the world gets decided that in turn changes A's story a little, and so on. Then I go into B, C, etc and do the same thing (build a story, let it bleed into the world and let the world bleed into it).

There's pros and cons to this sort of thing of course. Most of the time I over-develop characters or world bits that are completely unnecessary and clutter the narrative (especially when it's something like a comic, where things need to be explained visually and economically), and because of this sort of chaotic process I also tend to get entangled in my own concepts and lose track of my main threads. I don't dislike it entirely so it's just a matter of figuring out what works best for your own goals and processes.

Some general advice for comics that I've learned from trial and error: try stripping your story down to its bare bones and see what you absolutely need VS what's there for flavour or added context. Only add flavour once you're sure you can tackle the minimum, both in writing and artwise. Keep your character designs simple if you value your hands lol. It's fun to design complicated details but you WILL get tired of drawing them after a while. Sometimes it's ok to tell and not show 🤷‍♂️ if you're a one-man team sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet. Bear in mind that long stories will take YEARS to complete in comic format. Not an end all be all, but you do need to think about that. Also just go for it once you've got a structure you feel good about. I personally don't like over planning and don't even script things, so I don't think you need to have everything on paper before getting some chapters rolling. Most of what I've learned about comics has been making them, not thinking about making them. Oh, and readers tend to be more lenient than we give them credit for - if you're passionate enough about your world or characters, chances are at least some people will be interested regardless of whether you think art or writing are up to par

As for the other question, I spoiled the shit out of stray souls before launching it and still kinda do it for fun LMAO. Nothing too serious ofc but I've always loved giving people an insight into characters and world outside of the comic since the comic itself is a little peek into the whole thing. It also kinda serves to keep people interested imo

And I just can't keep my mouth shut about my stories lol

[vanixing-thts]

[A bit more about my ears…]

I wanted to make a master post about my ears but I don’t have many DIY photos of most of them. Still I will do my best for anyone interested!

Long post ahead ….. ٩(─︣ ‿‿ ─᷅)۶

🗝️♥️🗝️ ..

The first pair I made was for Vanitas, because he’s the best boy! I was meeting up with some irl KH friends for the first time and I doodled a pretty cool design so I made them. It took me around a week to make them:

I put the teeth of his keyblade around the ears, incorporated his gold, black, and red colors, and used a clear garden stone for his helmet. The bow is comprised of his “skirt” and the helmet. As you can see they are cool but… alot. They were really top heavy too. So I remade them and added some tweaks, like using thinner foam:

I was satisfied with them and they were less top heavy, then I commissioned my new friend yuri (suba_rashii on twitter) and it became my official al vanitas ears!

Next I made a pair for Roxas! He was my first ever favorite kingdom heart’s character and I fell in love with the checkered idea. These only took two days to make. I hand glued the squares which is why they’re crooked but I still love them. The little roxas is felt, I wish I was good at resin or acrylic but thats a-whole-nother beast by itseld. Art by me, featuring me!

After that I took a brief break from Kingdom hearts and made a pair based off inosuke from demon slayer! These were a bit more challenging because I decided to used plush ears instead of foam ones but I loved how they turned out. Amazing art I commissioned from @nanariemi went along with them! Fun fact: The disney employees liked these so much we got to skip the line once. 👀

And… there is so much more to show and share but that’s all tumblr will allow me to put for now. Maybe soon I will do a part 2 to this post. Regardless, thanks for making it this far and I’m so happy people were interested in what I had made! Everyone has been so nice here, haha.

🗝️♥️🗝️ ..

Have a good day everyone, and may your heart be your guiding key! 🗝️

[lostanddancing]

SKZ-Replay Reaction

This was so much fun. Because I'm so new to Stray Kids and haven't had a chance to listen to much of their older Replay stuff yet, this whole album was 90% new material for me. Such a treat!

These are my first reactions to my initial listen through. I have absolutely no doubt that some of these are going to end up on my 2023 Spotify Wrapped. :D

So darn cute, I love this. The way they hype each other up is heartwarming in the best way.  I also like the use of their voices in this. It gives all of them a chance to shine.

Fun and catchy song. I have a feeling this one is going to get stuck in my head. It's really great to have a full song of Chan's gorgeous voice!

I love this song. I just… As someone who has lost loved ones, and is currently praying a friend through a loss, it speaks to me. I adore how it ends so abruptly. Lee Know's vocals and emotion are heartwrenching.

This song is so Changbin. Hard hitting and giving no quarter, but not with out his humor. With a similar theme to Maniac, but I like that it's focused on creativity. The repetitive "doodle" is a little annoying, but in the context of the song, I don't really mind. I would kill to see him perform this!

Why do they have to keep breaking my heart? There is so much here. I had to go back and re-listen again. There is so much grief and love here.

"Maybe my universe was bright because of you

I never lost my smile in it

But now, in this dark world without stepping on a shadow

Drawing you is my only day"

Damn Han. How did you manage to write a feeling I have struggled with so much in the last few years? I'm at least 20 years older than you. But that feeling of oppression, the desperation to just break loose and leave. The longing to just escape, regardless of the consequences to my family and responsibilities. Ouch.

"If I pretend to be sick, will I be able to sit down?"

Boy, who hurt you? Let me at 'em

Also, that was all Felix? That boy's range is incredible, and I'm going to be listening to that song over and over just because of that alone. It's also just lovely musically. I'm impressed!

This one might be my favorite to listen to so far. Seungmin's voice is just gorgeous, the style and the incorporation of the piano that suits it perfectly. The theme of hanging onto the happy memories even when someone is gone or a relationship is over is lovely. I just need more of his voice in my life. He works hard, and it shows.

Nevermind, this is my favorite to listen to. So sweet, kind, healing after the rough emotional run of the last few tracks. I.N.'s voice is darling. He made me smile. He made me want to go hug someone I love, so I think that's a success.

This is so beautiful. I just can't get over how lovely all of their vocals are. I NEED more vocal work from Changbin and Felix. It also makes me a little sad because fans can be so very unreliable (also thirsty in all the wrong ways), and as sweet as the song is as a love song for the fans, it kind of feels undeserved.

The kind of song that dragged me into loving Stray Kids. Powerful, unapologetic, masculine. I can't help but feel like they've earned this one more since they first released it. Not that they weren't working hard before, but they have proven everything they stated in this song over and over. Also, not to be a Changbin simp, but his growls in this rattled my bones.

Han just has a way of capturing inner monologue and feelings so dang well. This piece brought me back to my very first phone call with my husband. We met online and had never even heard each other's voices before. I was so nervous, I felt JUST like this song describes. Also it's just beautiful, and his voice is so warm it makes me happy.

I've heard this one before, and wow. There's a reason it's a classic among the fans. The theme, the music, Changbin's ability to evoke the raw emotion needed. I am stunned again at how good this one is.

This one hit hard. I have a close family member who has dealt for years with emotionally abusive family relationships. This song sounds so much like the constant battle of love for the person, longing for reconciliation, and resignation to the reality of the brokenness of the relationship. Also, Bang Chan's voice cut deep.

Aside from Han just being phenomenal as always, this is just fun to listen to. I think I need to explore the lyrics more, because they don't hit me personally as hard as some others. Not that it makes the song bad or below par, because it probably does that for others, just not me. I will likely listen to this one a lot because I enjoy the rap and the music, but not as much because I identify with it.

I watched the MV for this without subs and before I had any idea what it was about. It was immediately clear to me that it was about a beloved pet, and it makes me cry. Hyunjin's music and vocals are so beautiful and sweet.

This one is a bit of a whiplash after "Miss You" but I love it. It's so unserious, so funny, and the perfect youngest sibling anthem. I love Changbin's "I raised you that's why you're cute" moment because I've said similar things to my baby siblings many times over the years!

Han hitting the sore spots again. Back off, dude. I need to BREATHE. I found this piece particularly interesting in that the rest of the song absolutely contradicts the intro. I have a lot against the whole "you can be anything you want" trope, and the lyrics just destroyed it. It's hard to be anything you want when what you want is to not be lonely anymore.

I've heard this one before, but I don't think I paid much attention to the lyrics. It's so sweet, so kind. The song I'd sing to my loved ones if I could. Changbin and Felix's voices blend so well together.

"Sometimes I even hesitate to smile brightly

Because I'm afraid that the batteries of the bright light might run out"

This song is so comforting. I love the determination, the insistence on holding someone even during their dark times. These two sound so perfect together!

Pretty sure I've heard this one before too. I know everyone loses loved ones in their lives, so it's stupid to think these boys haven't, but songs like this make me wonder who they lost that hurt so badly. Grief makes for beautiful music, but I wish it didn't have to happen to anyone.

Han, honey. The angst is strong with this one. I don't think they're coming back.

We get it guys, you are insomniacs. :D Seriously though, this is such a fun piece, and I'll be grooving to it a lot!

NOT about driving. But soooo catchy. Such a bop.

One of my favorites to listen to. Just so mellow, and Hyunjin's voice is so warm and delightful. I love his lyricism.

This whole album was such a treat, I have had it on repeat since it came out, and I don't think that's stopping any time soon!

[mistralxsoul]

As Flynn finished petting Repede by giving him a final scratch behind the ears, he moved to sit at the table with Karol and Yuri. As Repede came to sit by Flynn, most likely eager to get as much time with his other owner as possible, Flynn quickly smiled in Karol’s direction. “Well, it sounds like it was a good day overall then. Mistakes happen. They don’t really matter so long as you learn from them.”

And he knew for a fact that Yuri was bound and determined to urge Karol in the right direction, both within his education and outside of it. Part of Flynn, of course, wanted to step in and help when he had first heard that Yuri had been teaching Karol but looking at the two of them now seemed to quell any concerns Flynn had in regards to Karol’s education. Yuri was doing just fine on his own. There really was no need for Flynn to be sticking his nose into the other’s work.

Speaking of Yuri, a tiny glance over to the raven-haired man had Flynn notice that Yuri was staring in his direction, clearly lost in his own thoughts. But even then, Flynn couldn’t help the growing embarrassment rising within him as he resisted the urge to reach out and hold Yuri’s hand. Okay, hiding it from Karol was going to be more difficult than he thought. Was their confession truly enough to break the dams and cause Flynn to no longer be able to stop himself from needing to reach out and be touching Yuri in some way? Or was he simply still basking in the new development of their relationship? Regardless, he was really struggling.

Finally, Yuri seems to snap out of his own thoughts as he brings up the idea of playing Karol’s rendition of the game they used to play when they were younger. But now… they were talking of adding pictures? Flynn could only laugh at the idea. “That sounds like it would end horrendously. You know I can’t draw for the life of me, Yuri.”

Karol, thankfully, piped in with a wide grin. “It doesn’t matter if you can’t draw! I think someone not being able to draw makes it more fun! We usually have a timer too. Since Repede can’t talk or draw, he’s usually in charge of letting us know when the time is up by barking at us. But yeah, I got the idea after Yuri and I played the original game! And then I saw Estelle doodling one day and the idea hit me! It’s super fun for us to play when we’re out camping.”

Seeing how hyped Karol suddenly was about his little genius idea, Flynn was suddenly having a hard time justifying turning him down. He and Yuri weren’t the best artists in the world, but out of the two of them, Flynn was pretty sure he was the worst of the two. But then again, he didn’t really expect Karol to have the best art skills either with him just being twelve (or was he thirteen now? Flynn was blanking slightly on when Karol’s birthday was) years old.

“Well… I suppose my scribbles could be rather entertaining in this context.” Flynn finally decides with a quick nod. “I could go for a game or two, if you’d like to play, Karol.” When the young boy let out a victorious little ‘yes!!!’ and hopped up to run and grab some paper and writing utensils, Flynn shot a small but incredibly fond smile over to Yuri before nudging the man’s knee with his own.

At Karol's comment, Yuri could only hope his face wasn't tinging pink. "You think so? Mm... Yeah, I guess he has. Guess that's what happens when you get him out of a work environment." Granted, that was still the truth. Off work Flynn did tend to smile more and shift more out of the armor in even personality. That was true even on a regular day. Today just... happened to have more than expected happen. "Well, as long as he's not busy with work, we can see about him visiting more."

But for the moment, Yuri needed to focus on Karol while Flynn was busy getting ready for the rest of the night. Being able to get wrapped up in homework corrections actually helped a lot with his own focus, and Karol was a good student. He listened when he had mistakes and worked to improve them. They always left notes on the paper so Karol could come back to it later if he needed to.

Eventually Flynn returned and checked in on Karol. Bonding might not be so hard if it was coming off this naturally between them. Flynn was always good at handling kids, even if Yuri did have a lot of experience in looking after them himself. Without all the armor, there was nothing really imposing or intimidating about him. No reason for any kind of kid to feel pressure or nervousness talking to him.

He should have been used to it by now, but seeing Flynn without the armor and looking so normal still gave him flashes of their old lives. Part of him was starting to worry this was something he needed to talk to Flynn about, but... no, he'd been avoiding it for years. Why bring it up now? ...Why was it bothering him so much now?

Karol looked over the paper again as he answered Flynn. "I got some stuff wrong, but..." He looked back to Flynn and smiled brightly. "Yuri sat here with me to correct it and tell me how to do what was wrong." Like usual, of course, but Flynn didn't know little details like that. About their day to day lives outside of things like work. Something Yuri really wanted to change. Life wasn't about work and he wasn't about to let it be.

Yuri handed a folder to Karol that read "Completed" on it, and the brunet slid the papers into it. If there was anything Yuri wanted to be organized about, it was Karol's education. He wasn't doing the best at organizing himself, but when it came to someone else and someone much younger, he had more motivation to handle that, at least.

Briefly, Yuri wondered how odd it would be if... Yuri and Flynn stayed in the same room. Sure, maybe he could get by with the excuse that they'd shared inn beds during Brave Vesperia's most recent world trip, and here, they only had beds for Yuri and Karol. Would that... make sense to Karol? If it were Judith or Raven they would get it instantly. Sleeping on a cot in his own room was an option, but at that point, why not just use the bed?

"So... anything you wanna do for the night?" Yuri sat lazily at the table with Karol, directing the question to Flynn. Karol always liked to hear stories about their lives, but there was always the option for something more relaxing if not outright fun. "Remember that dumb game we used to play where we'd start a sentence and have the other continue it? Karol decided to try to reinvent that as what if we made a statement or sentence, the next person drew it, the following person had to guess what the drawing was in their statement... and so on. Until we stop and see how far we got from the original. If you're awake enough and up for it, the kid was pestering me a few weeks ago to play it again."

[edd-tom-andzombehs]

So... It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

I remember making this blog my freshman year of High School- My friends had gotten me into Eddsworld and I loved it. I loved the characters, I loved drawing them, and I loved making this blog.

Even though I didn’t upload often, I had a lot of fun when this blog was on my mind, when I was making posts, and watching you all have fun theorizing what was going on. It was fun to create things and for people to see it, and have fun with it.

This blog is one of the few things my brain remembers from Freshman year of High School, and for that, I thank everyone who followed this blog for bringing me some happiness during that time. I hope that this blog brought you some happiness as well.

I do not think I will return to posting here. I had a story to tell, and part of me regrets never getting to see the full thing come to fruition, regardless of how silly it is in retrospect. I still remember the full story I had planned, and I might explain it one day if people get curious, but for now, this blog is officially done. There will be no new updates to it. I still have so many doodles and song prototypes and ideas from the days when I was crafting the story for this blog, and while they never saw the light of day, they are a fond part of my creative history.

Thank you to everyone who is still here, and to everyone who enjoyed the blog while it was alive and active. You all made my day over and over again back when this blog was alive. You all inspired me to keep drawing and making things. Once again, thank you for being here, and being a part of this section of my life. I hope you all have wonderful lives ahead.

Best Wishes!

-Sunny

[gobstoppr]

hey gamers so i was listening to this song (midnight moonlight, remix of triple deluxe final boss themes) and had some ideas for a comic / fic? about kirby and dedede going to visit taranza .

heres my disorganized rambles from the notes app .

== taranza visit ==

-id like to think that like. every few months kirby and ddd go to visit taranza . -its that time of the month again . look kirbys got his mess of a calender right here . its got a silly flower doodle on the date -wake up wake up wake up we gotta go cmon wake up -ddd is barely awake . hes annoyed . huh . what . what is it why are u bothering me at 7 in the morning -kirby enthusiasitically pointing at the dreamstalk out the window . sigh . oh boy time to fucking climb huh -no matter how sleep deprived and grumpy you are , u cant let down a promise to kirby . hell drag u along regardless . -bandee's also coming . yeah -ok so now were starting the climb up the dreamstalk . kirbys flying a bit ahead. hes using beetle because better flight . ddd's behind em carrying a bunch of stuff for a picnic later . hes like climbing climbing . strong . bandee is helping -hey are you sure ur alright carrying all that . well yeah ofcourse im fine lol. im the strongest guy ever ive got this . <-- is exhausted -kirby enthusiastically greeting everyone they pass . oh hey its one of floralias funny flower fairy guys . hi ! hi there !! how are u !! hes like an energetic puppy . he sees literally anyone and is overjoyed . -maybe the people of the sky still hold ddd extremely highly right . like yeah were well aware it was initially a misunderstanding that u were the hero of dreamland but ur still our hero . they personally helped/watched ddd when he was doing that section with the cannon,, and probably witnessed him helping to free kirby so he could finish the final blow on sectonia . -but yea i think it would be entertaining if hes like . a super big deal to them . tries to act all cool like yea i know im the best haha . he is a selfconscious mess and this is how he disguises being flattered -ok so eventually we meet up with taranza all the way up near the castle in royal road . -taranzas happy to see them . hes constantly trying to tidy up in little ways like fixing his hair and straightening out his scarf and such . even tho hes sorta close with them hes a bit of a perfectionist and wants to be seen as well put together . -we do silly fun things . have a picnic in the garden . taranza teaching the others about plants . bandee is fascinated by his rambles . in the past taranzas been shown to think of himself as very cool and clever sometimes so maybe . he plays chess with ddd some . you know snickering to himself when he thinks hes about to make a really smart move. ddd playfully teases him over it -maybe at one point taranza gets a bit gloomy . maybe hes staring longingly at a dreamstalk blossom and feelin sad over sectonia again . ddd could try to reassure him a lil . give em a pat on the back -kirby suddenly remembers somethin . runs over to his bag and pulls out some flowers local in dreamland that he had brought for taranza bc he knows he likes that sorta thing . taranza cheers up a lil bit . somethin somethin thematic about learning to cope and move on some . accepting the love of the people around you now while still retaining part of their memory . -they hang out until sunset . idk maybe they spend the night or somethin its a long way back

thats all ive got for now yea

i might try to draw a few of these ideas later . just . thinkin about the guys ykno im replaying triple deluxe again and MAN. that game. is so fucking good .

[thesugarhole]

from my tags

i just think itd be fun to role reversal. something else snaps snippy back into pre bomb dex mode and he says something like, idfk: 'mr hatchenson your ability to hide off grid is remarkable. they had to send the best of the worst just for you' (he wouldnt fucking say that but you know me lmao) (I'm cooking absolutely nothing btw its just loose thoughts rattling in my head)

i had some more notes i didnt share in case i doodled it in the future but i know myself. the time between writing down a want to do something and actually doing it can be years. and frankly i want to share it anyway so heres more loose thoughts. sorry for typos that make reading this hard (if anyone actually reads it) i cant proof read anything right now. please note where i currently am in my rereading and a lot of this could contradict current, future or even past canon, on the account of me not knowing shit fuck half the time

before i forget right after 'he wouldnt fucking say that' in my notes i have pilot going "*whistle* sniper, thats really somethin! but i cant actually play with you right now, because i have to go be over there. see ya!" and he starts legging it asodhjdk he wouldnt fucking say that the collection

i think that turning unconnectables into connectable dexes is possible but i want to imagine they genuinely couldnt with snippy. that grey matter just aint right. and rather than kill him off they realized they changed just enough of him that he would still be obedient/a model g-dir employee without it, and that they could use all his past offline knowledge to their advantage in hunting other unconnectables with huge debts so thats my excuse. plus, annets infatuation with humanity likely wouldnt allow them to kill snippy because there would be no way to keep him alive somewhere else (like how all of humanity is technically still alive in the 'cloud' as backup or whatever)

design wise you could modernize pilot (to a fault- i get its implied he went for the old ass gear for the noir aesthetic) and vintagize snippy- he could get that wwii type respirator with the huge filter either in the center or to the left, for example. avoid using the one with the hose/cannister though because thats what pilot has. title could stay as is too, 'sniper'.

british just like his flat ass lol. creative liberties to put some (unmoving?) eyebrows on that beast and its set (now that i think about it, was pilots reveal as an android (not actually breathing?) an excuse to explain why his mask hose isnt connected to anything? ....hmmmMMMMMM.)

in canon (IC) snippys outfit is just his tour guide gear, respirator and gun included. modern pilots dont have any sort of cool looking gear other than those headphones with the mic i think, and in any case pilot is pilot in name only, he doesnt actually have pilot gear nor a pilot job. with both those things in mind do you think i could get away with just putting a bikers helmet on him. you know. still a "pilot" i mean my mans driving. but its a bike. (and it would probably aggravate him to be mistaken for an actual pilot since thats not within his skills set) probably not... probably some frankenstein of it with aaaaaaaaaaaa (looks at my google search) 3M FF-402 respirator though. to be elaborated upon depending on how goofy it looks. even if he's fully human in this he should be allowed to have just a bike helmet on a hoe never gets cold radiation poisoning etc

pilot would understand only partially the bizarre rules of post apoc world and whatever captain is up to (still leagues better than snippy who refuses it all IC), but would not be as open to them and only go along with it if results in something useful. no whimsys allowed. FASCINATED with captain at all times regardless, crush on captain sometimes (vs in absolute love with zeer IC). i think both -fascinated with captains ways but not willing to go along with zeer's plans- are ideas that can coexist to a degree. still hates haircuts (letting his hair grow out) and is allergic to pineapples (bad because thats whats for eatin half the time). also, he would sympathize with the unconnectables struggles but wouldnt advocate for the fruit terrorism some of them do. was aware of the rumors of a "prophesied leader of the unconnectables named charles snippy, sadly passed away" or something idk. no hope basically and terrorism aggravates. post apoc he also gets the snippy IC treatment where captains always taking away his katana / various smaller weapons, but he gets to have One concealed revolver for the noir detective aesthetic. 1 bullet for extra dramatics. wants to be called christophorus, everyone says either chris, hatchenson, mr. hatchenson or pi. F

snippy is more complicated to think in this context since he's already so cynical/pessimist (even if he tries not to be). like i want to stay in line with that but would also want him to go silly go crazy like pilot does IC is that not the joy of living in a world where youre not constantly being sued. theres also the fact that biomatrix 117 wouldnt be able to anchor him because of his mechanical parts... like i said romac more or less the same but this fact alone would drastically change the storyline. you attach 117 to pilot but then what. then what? i didnt think that far ahead even though i specifically had the annet reconnect arc in mind, to which 117 is a vital part because its them that bring snippy back from the dead anyway. ignore this issue teehee

he didnt understand the world before being a dex, he didnt understand the world after becoming a dex. more or less the same knowledge of how annet technology works, how it used to give him headaches daily by trying to connect to him, how post capitalism is hell, and how quiet the world actually is since almost every noise from speech to music is being telepathed. in post apoc i think he would be very aloof and easy to distract. HORRIBLE short term memory. spacial oxymoron: knows his cardinal directions, gets lost anyway. WILL disappear forever if not kept a close eye on. also sluggish, as if running on 50% battery at all times. DESPITE ALL THIS he's here now to have a good time not a long one. weeb tendencies more on display: naruto running, sports protagonist motivational speech, knocks on his forehead and teehees when he does something stupid, 2000s style fall on the floor when someone ELSE says something stupid, the works. also an outstanding sharpshooter if the need arises (ive yet to see snippy actually shoot anything IC but i mean they keep taking away his guns so. he couldnt even if he wanted). like you know those silly 10ish pages in tenkuu shinpan where the sniper is like "im gonna shoot that beam and the bullet will reflect and ricochet and hit my target ok here i go" snippy would be able to do that in half a second flat without a second thought. he would painfully narrate it in that manga overexplaining style though afterwards just for funsies

almost forgot again i dont have a whole lot on engie i can actually use until he gets introduced in the comic but i think he would know unconnectables get connected when dexified so snippy would interest him once he found out he's a dex. and he would start rambling while examining him closer and snippy would hiss like a kitten so loud and deafening engie would stop, shut up, stand up straight, and go hide behind pilot lmao

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edit 1: pilot can pilot confirmed; i dont know however if its because he is a dex or if he knew before it so my previous thought about it still stands until proven otherwise

edit 2: there have been experiments in canon to turn unconnectables to connectables but they have a high mortality rate. there was no mention of this being connected to the dex program but what better chance to try than when youre already harvesting their organs right? would it have an equal high mortality rate if its for dex purposes? in any case i think i can also still maintain them trying to make snippy connectable without killing him (but nothing worked regardless)

idr who (or if it was in the wiki) but someone said pilots hose IS connected to something unseen so idk anymore. i have also finally seen snippy shoot something in the comic and it was decent shooting and strategizing so yay! and on a last note engie hiding behind captain when snippy tries to talk to him in the comic is so funny like i had no idea. how did i manage to channel that in this post months ago without knowing he really DOES hide behind people

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edit3: hiiii :3 to my old post. note: snippy is 100% unscannable- everyone always has some degree of wifi to experiment on but not him! and i knew this from my first time reading! so we stay winning on that front- experiment all you want that shit is analog

ive had the stupidest self indulgence idea ever where its romac more or less as normal but g-dir got to snippy first instead of pilot. adjust plot for character personalities, make snippy maintain his unconnectability as a dex for extra spice and something could work out here

[reidsnose]

spilled coffee

overview: spencer mistakenly spills his coffee all over reader's stuff on a case, but it turns into a happy accident (based on this request)

genre: fluff :)

a/n: ok so i think this is so cute and ive been meaning to write something ab coffee art for so long im so hapoy i got sent this request! as always lmk what u guys think of it :)

masterlist

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you sat at a raggedy table, spitballing with the team in a run down police station in the absolute middle of nowhere. your notebook was open wide in front of you, the blank page taunting your inability to make a good assessment of this unsub.

"hey guys, i think i've got something," Spencer announced, walking into the room.

"thank God," you murmured under your breath.

he began walking over to the board, setting down his coffee next to you. except he accidentally bumped the corner of the table as he crossed the room, consequently knocking over his cup and spilling coffee all over your paper.

he gasped, profusely apologizing and you assured him that it was ok as you wiped it off as best you could, urging him to say what he came to say about the case.

you left your notebook out to dry and the next couple of days went by very quickly, and you nearly forgot about it. it wasn't until you were all packing up that Spencer handed it to you.

"im so sorry again, ill buy you a knew one." he offered.

"no its ok! it just has some character now!" you explained, thumbing through the pages, now stiff and various shades of brown, "mmm and it smells like coffee."

"i'm gonna find a way to make it up to you." he stated as the two of you walked out of the room.

the jet ride was going to be long, and everyone was schlumped, meaning it would be void of fun commentary and be even more long and unbearable.

you sighed, flipping through your stained notebook before getting to the exact page the coffee had been spilled onto. it might have been the lighting on the jet, or maybe the sleepiness on your eyes, but the longer you stared at the blob, the more it looked like a person.

a person you knew... someone with wavy hair that stuck up in all directions, someone who had a cute button nose, someone with kind eyes and a bright smile. someone with an iq of 187 and a particular interest in halloween and chocolate frosted donuts with sprinkles.

the coffee stain looked just like Spencer.

you rubbed your eyes a couple of times but nope, he was still there, in the coffee stain.

you couldn't help but think you were going a little crazy. you had liked him for quite some time, maybe you were just seeing him in everything now. maybe to everyone else it just looked like a coffee blob?

regardless, you took out your pen and started sketching. outlining his perfectly messy hair. and his defined jaw and cheek bones. and his puckered up, oval, kissable lips, curled up in a smile. and his little boop-able nose. and his off center tie.

you weren't sure how long you had been drawing, or how many times you had looked over at Reid to make sure you were getting him down correctly. and yes you were.

all the other times you had secretly sketched him it never turned out right. there was always something that made it like someone looks like Spencer. but never quite him.

until now.

because somehow, this spilled coffee sketch had perfectly captured his essence. maybe because he was the one that spilled it? maybe it had to be done together to look right?

whatever it was you just couldn't stop staring at the wonderful accident that you and him had created.

you looked up again to see him walking over and quickly flipped your notebook to the other side, trying hard to hide your drawing.

"hey," he smiled sitting down across from you.

"hey," you replied, voices low to avoid waking up the team.

"what were you drawing?" he asked innocently.

"oh..uh nothing," you denied quickly.

"oh come on you know how much i love your doodles, show me!"

"you've seen my doodles," you face palmed.

"yes! and i love them! especially the little flower chains you border your paper with sometimes," he giggled.

"well this one..it um didn't turn out right, you wont like it."

"i doubt that."

you sighed, giving into his pleading eyes, "here."

he flipped it over, eyes going wide and mouth hanging open, "WOAH!"

"shhh!! they're sleeping!" you whispered, pointing at the rest of the team.

"y/n! this is absolutely incredible! how did you- out of a coffee spill- and it looks so- wow. i-" he looked up at you, a huge smile stretching across his face, "i'm honored that you chose to draw me. thank you."

"you're welcome, i've tried to draw you before but i could never get it right until now," you admitted, feeling your cheeks heat up.

his eyes softened.

"nothing says Spencer Reid like spilled coffee," he joked, making you smile. "but how come you didn't add yourself?"

"what?" you chuckled.

"theres a second blob here. right next to me," he pointed.

"yeah but that just looks like... a blob."

"no! that looks exactly like you! look theres your hair, and your eyes, and even the height difference is right!" he explained excitedly, grabbing your pen, "may i?"

you nodded and watched him get to work, sticking his tongue out as he focused. his approach was much different then yours, he drew connected, long shaky lines, and even though it didn't match the style you drew him in it was still perfect. and it still looked just like you.

he finished up, adding his last touches before pushing the paper back towards you.

"spence, i love it!" you breathed, holding it up in-front of you as you felt your heart begin to swell. "look at us. Spencer and y/n"

"Spencer and y/n." he echoed, liking the way your name felt in his mouth.

you smiled, "we forgot to sign."

"oh, right," he stammered, taking the pen and signing at the bottom corner before passing it to you and watching you do the same.

"something is off," you frowned.

"no! i think we look good together." he countered, wondering if you would catch the hint.

"no.." you sighed, taking the paper and holding it close as you scrawled something else.

his heart sank. rejection. you were probably scribbling out his face. or drawing a line between the two of you. this was gonna hurt.

you dropped the notebook back in front of him with a happy sigh. he brought his eyes up, wishing you'd at least had the decency to not show him.

but when he looked he was surprised. pleasantly surprised.

a large heart floated above your heads in the picture.

he grinned at you, his heart making its way back up to his chest from inside his stomach.

"i think we look great together." you grinned back.

his fingers grazed yours on top of the table.

"i agree." he breathed, looking like the physical embodiment of heart eyes.

"hey lovebirds," morgan groaned, "i'm so happy for you but please shut up and let me sleep."

you two chuckled, both whispering an apology, grinning ear to ear.

-

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ultra mega super cool taglist:

@mac99martin @imhreid @spencersmagic @hollydaisy23 @raelady1184 @a-broken-pact @padfootswife @hey-there-angels @star-stuff-in-the-cosmos @sonnydoesrandomshit @averyhotchner @laurakirsten0502 @reidyoulikeabook @rem-ariiana @spencerreid9 @takeyourleap-of-faith @vampire-overlord @spenxerslut @violetspoetic @aperrywilliams @b-a-utiful @eevee0722 @srhxpci @reidemandweep @imdefinitelyfloating @random-human-person @gurkiloni

[the-slasher-files]

Hii, i saw your requests are open so I guess I could try asking,

Can I ask how would Michael and Jason (and the other slashers if you'd like) react finding out that it's their S/O's birthday. Like they noticed how much food they prepared but s/o didn't mention the occasion because it's not that big of a deal to them but still celebrates it in a way.

Hey, thanks for the request! I love this idea and it was really fun to write.. also added more slashers so I hope you enjoy 🔪💕

MASTERLIST

SLASHERS REACT TO THEIR S/O BIRTHDAY

INCLUDES JASON, MICHAEL, BO, VINCENT, BILLY and STU

JASON VOORHEES

How he finds out: when you left your wallet face open with your drivers license out.. boy was curious

Ever since living out at the camp you just kind of forgot about your birthday, it never really mattered, you were happy just as is with what you had

but he plans it for weeks, Jason can’t give you much in the day to day and he just wants to spoil you and give you the best day after years of looking after him

Waking up in the morning you smelt fresh coffee and sweets, which was more than unusual in the cabin

Rolling over to look at the nightstand you found your favorite mug steaming with hot coffee and Jason had put in your preferred creamer, just the way you liked it. Beside the mug was a small little note sloppily marked with drawn hearts and the words “I love you”

Jason melted your heart on a daily biases but this... it made your heart feel like it oozed right out of your ribcage

Propping yourself up to sip the coffee there was a sudden crash in the kitchen making you jump out of bed... was there an intruder?? was Jason in danger??... grabbing the heavy machete that was resting against the nightstand you faltered to the kitchen, hair dishevelled, barefoot, only wearing one of Jason’s ripped oversized shirts

oh... OH.. it’s just Jason cooking??? flour was everywhere, about 10 different bowls were scattered along the counter, the bacon was smoking and the pancakes? were burnt

Turning around owl-eyed, with flour on his mask and tattered clothes, Jason gives his biggest grin and signs “happy birthday!!”

Once you help him with breakfast he will be glued to your side all day.. more than usual.. Jason wants to give you back rubs, hugs and kisses as much as he can

His gift to you is a bracelet his mom had worn, it is the most meaningful gift Jason could ever give, and it’s beautiful

In the evening he will take you to a new trail you had never been on, old camp lanterns to light your way through the woods and into a large meadow. A large blanket covers the damp grass and there is a small basket with all your fav snacks

A picnic to watch the sunset and stargaze... perfect

MICHAEL MYERS

How he finds out: Michael knows everything about you, he had watched you for a solid year before you even knew, but it will take him a long time to get comfortable and trusting with you so it will probably be like the 5th year together before he really does something for you

Now Michael is not affectionate and caring is just not in his nature so your birthday is going to be interesting... to the average human it will seem like it is a shit birthday but knowing Michael the way you do it is the best birthday he can give you

All these years together he had done nothing on your birthday so you expected it to just be another day, but nope

Waking up to the smell of fresh tea or coffee (which ever you prefer) a steaming cup was on the nightstand

Michael was still in bed with you which was unusual but it was even stranger when he was running his large hands all over you.. gently

There will most likely be some morning sex but he is oddly gentle, making your pleasure a priority over his own

Michael will allow you to touch him for however long you want and where you want without protest, but ONLY today so take advantage

Going to the living room you will see a present you had been eyeing for yourself for a while now. It could either be a really nice blanket to clothes to cookware to a laptop. Michael is observant about everything so he will notice the tabs in your phone or that time you walked by a clothing store and almost screamed at how nice the shirt was in the window

of course he stole it and there might be a tiny amount of blood on it but who cares lol

That is honestly about the extent Michael will go with you and that’s more than enough for you

BO SINCLAIR

How he finds out: Bo isn’t exactly a gentleman with a lot of things so he really doesn’t mind just asking how old you are or when your birthday is

Most likely Bo will forget when it is the first 2 years but the 3rd year.. oh baby he’s got it now... with the help of Vincent reminding him

Birthdays have never been big for the Sinclair brothers, especially for Bo, he literally has no idea what to do

One of the only ways Bo knows love is through fast pleasure... aka waking up to him eating you out. Like Michael, he will put your pleasure first today and is going to be gentle with you, so enjoy it

Be careful because he might want to spend your whole birthday in bed if you don’t stop him

Your presents will probably be some lingerie he bought you (which is basically his present) and a night out on the town, going to your favorite restaurant and taking you where ever you want

Even in the truck he will let you pick the music which is honestly a miracle

Bo will try to bite his tongue as much as possible and try to be the best gentlemen he can be until you get home ;)

Going home to Ambrose he takes a different road, up a hill that’s long and twisted, Bo just smiles when you ask where you’re going, man is saying nothing for once and it might freak you out

Getting to the destination, it’s a small walk in the woods until there is a large clearing and a small lake to your right, this is where he used to go swimming as a kid and this is sometimes where Bo will disappear to on bad days

He will lead you to the dock and will lay you down, watching the stars and hearing the splashing of the water mix in with the Louisiana nature... It is pure bliss

Bo cannot help himself and will initiate a heavy make-out session

This is the way of showing you he loves you

VINCENT SINCLAIR  

How he finds out: Baby boy is far more observant than his brother thank god, so he will probably check your drivers license if you left your wallet out

Vincent will honestly plan something for weeks if he can

Usually he is a night owl but today Vincent will get up nice and early cooking your favorite breakfast, well at least trying, honestly he can make fantastic omelets

Waking up you will see a small tray of food at the edge of the bed, an omelet, bacon, a glass of juice and some small bouquet of native Louisiana flowers he had picked

Along with a little note card saying “happy birthday” probably with some little doodles on the sides making it fancy

Waking into the room Vincent will have either your coffee or tea, handing it to you with a gentle kiss

It will probably be just a slow, gentle, quiet morning with wandering hands, little kisses and soft words

Today he will let you do whatever the hell you want and will try desperately to get Bo to leave you alone for the day

If you want to go for a walk he’ll go with, if you want to stay inside all day in your sweats watching movies that’s perfect.. whatever you want

Towards the evening Bo will come home with your favorite foods, since Vincent hates leaving town. Dinner will be candle lit with soft music in the background. Vince will try to dress nice and in something that isn’t covered in wax

After dinner he will take you to the theater, watching the old movies you grew up on, even though half of the time you are only paying attention to the tongue down your throat  

For some reason my head kept saying slow dancing in the rain, so I guess when you are coming home it starts to rain and you guys slow dance in the streetlight

Once home he has 2 boxes for you, lovely wrapped. In one box it is your very own knife with a carved handle of your favorite animal to match his blades. In the next box is something you had been looking at getting for a long time, a new pair of boots he watched you look for online

BILLY AND STU

How they find out: Honestly they’re probably just going to ask you

Stu is probably going to be the more outgoing one and screaming happy birthday to you when you first wake up, Billy would just let you sleep in and drink his coffee beside you, running his hands on you and gently whispering happy birthday to you instead

Stu would make you a big breakfast and even try to make you a cake but something would be so off lol.. he tried

Billy just takes a store bought one from the fridge that he had saved just in case this happened

yes, they want cake for breakfast

Whatever you want to do that day they will make it happen, honestly it’s going to be fun regardless with them

An arcade or bowling or crashing some little kids laser tag party is probably going to be it for your afternoon. Winning silly arcade prizes, stu will get you a stupid whoopie cushion and Billy will probably win a little stuffed bear for you

Driving home Billy will let you play your music and he will just drive around the city, just signing your hearts out and laughing and just making memories, watching the nightlife and city lights

Ending up at the City viewpoint, seeing all the lights in the dark never looked so pretty with your boys, it might even leave Stu speechless

Whenever you are ready to come home a horror movie is defiantly on the list, whatever one you want and they will order pizza

Honestly Stu will probably pass out on the couch from the long hilarious day and Billy will quietly drag you to the bedroom.. really getting to show how much he loves you ;)  

[sup-hoes-its-me]

Golden III (Kakashi x Reader)

A/N: Hi guys! Thank you so much for keeping up with this story. Here is the final part, I hope you enjoy! 

Word count: 4500

______

Kakashi could safely say that he and Y/N had become friends over the following months, right after he decided to let her back into his life. They went to eat at restaurants together, and he spent time reading in her bookstore when he wasn’t off on a mission. After his missions, she was there waiting in her storefront waiting for him, regardless how dirty and worn down he was, she would hug him tight to her chest and thank him for coming back home safe. 

Things almost felt normal between them; the affection felt so good. Sometimes, he felt like he could just melt away at the soft touch of her fingers against his skin. They weren’t exactly the same as before, her hugs and touches here and there, but it was good enough for him. If anything, they were more than good enough, he longed for them.

The pair had more time together than ever, with her dreams coming in surplus as the time passed, more and more little things popping up each night. Any time he was home in his apartment, she would run over that evening to jump into his bed and tell him the latest information she had in her dreams. 

He always explained things the best he could, and she listened so intently, repeating certain things so she could remember them easier. It was a little difficult for her to process so much information at one time, and she often forgot things he taught her, but he never got frustrated. Whenever she would mess up, she’d just smile and ask him to please explain it again and he would, making sure to emphasize the important parts. It felt like they had all the time in the world together when in their little bubble. 

It was so soothing. He found himself slipping back in love with her so deeply, each day they had together only furthering the inevitable. It didn’t scare him as much anymore, the thought of falling for her again. Whether she got her memories back or not, she was still the same woman he knew before, he knew that now. She laughed at her own jokes and rambled on about books in her store. She giggled at inappropriate jokes like a little kid, and doodled flowers and animals in her notebooks. She wore her same old ink and coffee stained aprons as before, tied into a big bow along her waist. 

She was still his baby, and he was coming to terms with that. He welcomed her back into his life happily, and she matched the gesture.

Once again, she sat in his bed, her legs crossed in front of her and a notebook in her hands. For her sake, she started keeping a dream journal in which she wrote down every single dream she could remember and brought them to Kakashi to either learn more about or dismiss as just a regular nonsense dream. She flipped through the pages covered in her handwriting and doodles before coming to a stop on the most recent night’s visions.

“In this dream last night, I saw a huge man with white hair, like he was ginormous. He was in my store for some reason, looking at those books that you have on your shelf,” she told him, pointing at his favorite series of all. “He had on a lot of fishnets on his legs and arms, too, if that helps any. Do you know him?”

He nodded. “The book series is call Icha Icha and it’s a masterpiece. The man you saw is named Jiraiya, and he is the author of the series.” She corrected that in her notebook, and took down what the real information was. Writing some of the memories and facts down only helped to reinforce them in her head. “More importantly, he is also one of the Legendary Sannin. He trained with Lady Tsunade and Orochimaru.”

“Ohhhh, wow, okay. Every ninja has so much history in this village. It’s fun connecting the dots with you, Kakashi,” she told him, “It’s like we’re reading from a story book.”

“The ways of the five great nations and the shinobi are definitely interesting. Some terrible things happen, and some amazing ones do as well. Makes for some unique people.” 

Secretly, he was glad she liked to sit with him and go over all her memories, organizing and learning. She always wanted to know more and more, and each day she seemed to be growing slowly into a person he could call familiar. The way her eyes lit up at his stories, and her showing him little doodles in her notebook that she just couldn’t put into words: he loved being such a big part of her life. It always felt like she was so close to tipping over the edge, all that potential for her memories to come rushing back in at once. 

They never did, but she got so close so many times.

He still didn’t know what he was going to do if she did remember him again. He loved her, yes, but he had already made up his mind to distance himself enough that their relationship wasn’t intimate like before. He wanted her to be safe, that’s all he wanted. He couldn’t imagine another accident like this one ruining her life a second time

And so, he smiled and laughed with her. He let her give him hugs, but not too many. He struggled to control himself at times, to not let go and give her his everything like before. He kept his distance, but at least he could feel her warmth in the same room now. He knew a relationship would only lead to more pain, but they could be friends. Just friends. So long as he could make her happy even for a little while.

He noticed she had flipped the page to the next entry, and suddenly, she was fiddling with the edges of the paper, staring down at the words intently. “Is something wrong?”

She shook her head to snap out of her thoughts, raising her eyes to meet his. She was smiling, as usual, but he could tell it was fake. The sadness was creeping up her cheeks and showing in her eyes, the way they had lost their shine. “Yeah, um, this page is just nonsense, No use talking about it.”

“I’m sure it’s not. Any dream you have probably means something.”

She shook her head, swallowing down what she actually meant to say. “It’s just not something we need to talk about.”

“Ah,” he exhaled, his eyes taking in her disposition, an obvious change in the way she held herself. She’d lowered her eyes, and stroked the edge of her book, a tremor in her wrist. “It’s fine, Y/N. Whatever is good for you.” He wasn’t going to push. He was just here to give her knowledge and a friend during this rough patch. He wasn’t going to divulge in emotions that she obviously wanted to keep to herself. 

She scanned the next page for a more recent dream, but the last page had changed her tone. He sighed, nudging her thigh with his foot. “Let’s stop for today. I’m off tomorrow, you can come back when you’re feeling better.”

The woman nodded and brushed back a bit of loose hair that had come undone during their time together. She was just about ready to leave the apartment and head back to her own place. As she shut the book in her lap, she snuck another peek at his face, only to eyes with no words. As usual. He was always more into observing than speaking, and she was fine with that. She was more than talkative enough to fill the empty space. 

He just liked listening to her voice, seeing the way her lips moved. He wished she would stay for longer, continue talking to him and filling the empty place in his heart. 

“You’re probably right,” she mumbled. But he was not unaware of the way her lip quivered with each syllable falling from her lips. Nor did he miss the tears that had gathered at her waterline, that she kept from falling. It made him confused, the way he felt. He didn’t want her to get too close to him, but the thought of letting her leave his apartment about to burst into tears made him feel like shit. Recently, he was beginning to feel like one of the shittiest people alive.

He shifted from his spot lounging in the bed to reach out and grab onto her wrist, keeping her from leaving her seat just yet. “Y/N, tell me what’s wrong? You don’t have to pretend you’re not upset when you're around me, you know that right?”

“I-I know, but it’s just...I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I want to keep coming to see you like this, Kakashi,” she whimpered, pulling her wrist from his hold, as he wasn’t holding with any strength. “I don’t even want to talk to you anymore.” 

He felt a tug in his chest from fear. He never expected to hear those words from her. Not with her like this and not before either. He thought they got along. He was really trying to make things easier for her. He wanted to go back and fix whatever he had done so she would want him again. He felt sick, knowing she didn’t need him now, or even want him.

“What do you mean?” he asked calmly, despite the storm brewing in his chest. 

She turned away from him, squeezing her eyes shut to keep the tears from overflowing. They dripped into her lap and stained her work skirt. She had to bite her lip to keep her herself from crying out, so sad it burned in her chest right above her heart. Minutes passed of her harsh breaths and his eyes trailed on her weak figure, lips just ajar. He wanted to apologize, to tell her he was sorry for whatever he had done, sorry for everything possible. He wanted to wrap her up in his arms and promise that he would never let anything happen to her ever again.

But he would never do that. She wouldn’t let him. Not with the way things were.

Eventually, she found the breath to speak. “I keep having more and more dreams about you. About us. I just can’t keep coming here and acting like none of that stuff ever happened, Kakashi, and that’s what you want me to do.”

“Y/N-”

“On that page that I skipped, I had a dream written down, and it was one of the longest memories I’ve had so far. I just can’t stop thinking about it,” she cried, furiously bringing the heels of her palms up to her eyes and wiping away the bitter tears from her eyes that stung when she blinked. “We were younger, and you were holding me. We were sitting on a bench by some trees and there was rain falling and I just remember crying so hard, I just couldn’t stop crying. I remember the pain in my chest and the way my lungs burned struggling for air.”

He nodded, and he felt like he knew what memory she was recalling, but he would let her finish. She continued to cry into her hands, her arms shaking as they curled into her body. She lifted her legs to the edge of the bed and wrapped her arms around them, hugging anything she could to her quivering form. 

“And-And, you were just hugging me and I remember feeling so comfortable in your arms, like that is where I was supposed to be all the time. I loved you, Kakashi. I loved you so much, and I could feel it, this warmth in my chest that made me know things would be okay. That whatever was going on would resolve itself,” she confessed, “And then, you...you kissed me. I-I couldn’t tell if it was the first time, but I remember how special it was to me. I remember not wanting it to be over. 

“I keep getting back my memories, and it’s making me fall in love with you all over again. And I know that you don’t want to be in a relationship with me anymore. It just hurts. I think maybe if I could just get away from you it wouldn’t be so bad. I feel so stupid telling you how I feel- how those memories with you felt,” Y/N explained, wiping more soppy wet tears away. She could tell her eyes were puffy and red at this point from crying so much, and that just made her feel worse on top of everything else. “Kakashi, I’m just so sorry for doing this to you.”

“Damn, I’m an asshole,” the man cursed, pressing his face into the crook of his arm, shame pouring off his skin in waves. “Stop saying sorry for something you can’t help. You’ve literally never done a single thing wrong in your entire life. Just stop that.”

“Kakashi-”

“Y/N, I’m still so in love with you. I just couldn’t give up on you, even if you being with me means you’re constantly in danger of an attack like the one that happened months ago, I just can’t let you go,” he told her, exasperation heavy in his voice. He was just so tired with everything. He was tired of these emotions. It never used to be like this, long before he met her. He was cold and hard, and she turned him into the softie, perverted ninja that he was. After all this time, he was only a human like everyone else. He had these selfish desires like everyone else. “I just miss you, baby.”

She felt her heart race at the term of endearment, at the sweet words he said, at the declaration of love. Even though she didn’t know everything about him, and there were so many bits and pieces missing from her mind, she still cared about him. She still felt her heart beat just a little faster when he was around. She cared about him. After everything that happened, she still loved him. 

“I need you in my life, Y/N. I know things have changed, but it’s the truth. I’ve gotten too used to you being around, I don’t know if I’d be able to do it without you.”

Yes, he was rough around the edges, everyone is. But to her, he was already perfect. She didn’t need to know everything because it didn’t matter. He was charming, thoughtful, and equal parts humorous. He made her eyes light up with joy and her knees weak. He was the type of man she could only dream of being with, and here they were, confessing their love for the second time. 

“Kakashi?”

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Please.”

She crawled up to where he sat against the wall, mask still up over his nose as usual. Carefully, with hesitation in her shaky hands, she reached to pull down the cloth. His unmasked face had appeared in her dreams on more than one occasion so it wasn’t like this was the first time he was revealing himself to her. Still, she felt like this was a moment she should savor. 

She pulled down the mask, and his face was just as handsome as she imagined. She let her hands rest on his cheeks, thumbs running over his cheekbones, and he relaxed into her touch. Softly, she pressed her lips to his, and a cozy warmth filled her entire being. This is what she was missing out on. Absolutely tragic.

When she pulled away, all she could see was a dopey smile across his lips and starry eyes peering down at her. “I missed that, Y/N.”

“I missed it too,” she breathed out, so intoxicated by the kiss she could barely think. It wasn’t anything serious just a peck on the lips but to her, it meant the entire world.

Maybe she would never recover every single memory she had. Maybe things would stay the way they are. That would be okay with her, so long as they had each other to lean on. He could tell her all his stories another time, just so she could understand, but the love would always be there. 

_________

A few months passed before she found herself waking up in the morning, thoughts rushing through her head quickly, heavily in her mind. Memories of her friends and family, the village, each little piece of trivia she had been missing out on consuming her thoughts. She placed a hand over her eyes and groaned, a headache pounding in the back of her skull, despite her joy that more of the holes had been filled in her mind.

Y/N leaned over onto her side, propped up on her elbow. On her bedside table lay a few pain pills and a glass of water, something she kept there regularly. The intense dreams often brought on pain in the mornings, as if she’d been drinking all night long. After a bit of the pain subsided, she would head down to her bookstore and get ready for a day's work, like usual. Just because she went through trauma did not mean she could slack off. Time is money as they say, and books would always be selling in this bustling village.

She stood from the bed and threw on one of her plain brown dresses, complete with a once baby pink apron, now stained beyond belief with things she just could not scrub out with a brush, heavy black ink and wine and coffee. Money was tight, and she wasn’t just going to go out and buy herself new clothes, when these were perfectly wearable.

As she walked around her home, she straightened her hair just enough to look decent and heated up a kettle of boiling water on the stove, a couple bags of black coffee steeping inside. The caffeine would only further remedy her headache, she sighed, pouring herself a cup for the morning. 

Downstairs, her bookstore waited for her, lights off and shelves properly stocked and readied from the night before. Kakashi had been over helping her clean up and put up her latest shipment. He was more serious about alphabetical order than she was, and she found it hilarious when he would switch around two books she misplaced. She flipped on the register, turned the open sign and switched the lights on, ready for a few stray customers to walk in, usually the older people who woke up at this time of day.

Hours passed, and villagers visited one after the other, asking her for suggestions and help on where to find something that they were looking for. It was relaxing, and all the while she continued to sip her coffee, feeling her headache completely melt away.

It was around noon when she was greeted with one of her friends. That young girl Sakura who helped heal her while she was in the hospital. Y/N remembered a lot of things about her at this point down to her hopeless crush on a rogue ninja and her tiniest insecurities that she’d once confided in her. It was nice to have a girl to talk to. The village girls came by now and then, and she enjoyed their company as well, but there was something about these individualistic, unique shinobi that just drew her in.

She loved this village. It was her home, and she loved everyone within it. 

“Y/N, wanna go get some lunch with me? It’ll only be an hour and it’s on me,” she asked cheerily, and Y/N couldn’t deny such a nice request. After all, having her meal paid for would probably mean more money than sitting around in her shop. She shut off the lights, flipped the sign and locked the door. 

“Where do you want to go? Pick any place.”

Wow. Y/N was getting the special treatment today, it seemed. Free lunch of her choice wherever she wanted. There wasn’t a price limit either. She felt like she was on top of the world. “Wanna go get dango?”

“If that’s what you want, Y/N-chan.”

She nodded eagerly. “Yes, please. I’ve been craving something sweet. You know Kakashi isn’t the biggest fan, so we don’t go too much.” 

“Of course. I’ve been craving some anmitsu myself.”

The pair walked over to the sweet dumpling store and sat around for just about an hour, as Sakura said, munching on their red bean and sugar syrup desserts, just talking about anything and everything going on. Sakura was getting closer to finding Sasuke and bringing him home, and she was honing her medical ninjutsu even more. She was quite versatile with her strength and desire to care for others. Y/N really admired the girl. 

She was the other side of the coin opposed to Y/N’s moments of weakness. It wasn’t like she was jealous, she was just amazed at the sheer talent. Kakashi, Yamato, Naruto, Sakura, all so talented. It was amazing. Pride bubbled up in her chest for her friends.

“Y/N, how’s it been with Kakashi?”

The woman snapped out of her thoughts and peered back up at the pink haired kunoichi, twirling a wooden skewer in her fingers. “It’s been great. He really is a wonderful man. Intelligent, charming, romantic, helpful. Everything you could want, really.”

“I see. Well, I’m really happy you guys could work through what happened, even if you didn’t get all your memories back,” Sakura hummed happily, finishing the last bite of agar on her plate. 

Y/N sighed, a dreamy smile on her face. She placed her cheek in her palm and trailed her eyes down to the table again. “I don’t think it really ever mattered whether I got my memories back or not. I’m still the girl he fell in love with and he’s the man I spent all those years chasing after. He can tell me everything over again, but really, it was our personalities that drew us together.”

Sakura smiled, feeling her heart turn to mush at the thought of such a deep love. She stood from the table and waved for Y/N to follow her. There was just one more place they had to go before she could go back to work. “Follow me. I have to show you something.”

Y/N followed as she normally did. Secretly, she liked hanging out with Sakura and skipping work. The store was tiresome and often boring when customers were few far and inbetween. It was refreshing to get lunch with a friend and waste sunlight together. She had a lot of free time anyway. Kakashi wasn’t going to be around for the next few days. He’d informed her yesterday that he had a mission for 2 days in the next village over. 

And apparently, he was going with the two boys from Team Eight…

Then how come Y/N just saw them walking down the street with that Hyuga girl?

Plans must have changed, Y/N thought to herself. Maybe he went with some other chunin for this one, she decided and continued to follow her friend through the streets of the village. They passed by store  after store and walked through alleyways on the way to wherever they were going. 

Sakura walked slowly enough that Y/N could keep up. Some tendons never healed themselves, and she walked with a sort of limp, but nothing hurt. With all this walking, Y/N was suspecting that Sakura must have something big to show her. They eventually ended up walking through the woods a bit to end up at the training grounds, the one with the huge waterfall that crashed loudly in her ears. 

Birds were chirping and bees buzzed around by her feet. She turned around to see Sakura standing there with her hands clasped in front of her, just a tiny bit of red dusting her cheeks. “Sakura, what did you want to show me?”

“Y/N.” A voice called from behind, and she turned back to the waterfall to see Kakashi walking up with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. Her brows raised and her head fell to the side in confusion.

“Kakashi, I thought you were supposed to be on a mission. I-I saw those two boys walking around the village and thought you went with someone else.”

“I kinda lied about the mission. I just needed to prepare something.”

“Ah, okay. So what is this about?”

He stood in front of her now, merely a couple feet away. “I know that these past few months have been really hard for you,” he began, taking a second to think of the next words he was about to say. Y/N could only stare up at him in wonder. This entire situation was out of the ordinary for sure. “I didn’t think we could work through our issues, and I didn’t know if it was right for us to even be together knowing what my curse had done to you.”

“Kakashi, it’s okay.”

“Y/N, these past few years have been some of the best of my entire life. I never thought that I would be able to find comfort in someone as beautiful and kind as you. I thought I was destined to be alone forever because of the things I had done. But then I found you.”

He pulled one of his hands from his pocket, and held out a little brown bag to her, urging for her to take it. 

When she opened the pouch and tipped it into her hand, a shiny ring fell into her soft palm. She felt her heartbeat race in her chest, and she pressed her free hand to her chest to steady herself. “Kakashi...”

He shifted his weight onto one foot, his lips cracking into the smallest of smiles. 

“What do you say? You and me, making memories for the rest of our lives? Ones you'll always remember?” he asked softly, staring down at the woman he had come to love more than anything else in this entire world. 

She lifted her hand from her chest to take the ring and slide it on her finger, staring at it on her hand and watching the gemstone glimmer and change color with the sunlight. It was so gorgeous and bright, it shined like the sun sat on her finger. The thought of Kakashi picking this out for her made the ring even prettier. 

It was perfect. Everything was perfect.

Tears filled her eyes at his words, and she could only nod, no words coming to her head that made any sense. All she could feel was love burning through her body and happiness threatening to overflow. She threw her arms around his neck and threw herself against him, laughter sounding from her lips. He wrapped her up in his arms and let her cry into his shoulder, sobs and giggles mixing together.

Yeah, maybe he had to wait a few more months than he wanted to, but that never mattered; they had all the time in the world. 

Their love was special. Their love was golden.

[i8jisoo]

𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐘 𝐊𝐈𝐃𝐒 ⇉ skz with pregnant!reader

felix x reader | part six of dad!skz

↬ genre; fluff

↬ warnings; pregnancy, slight relation to sex, birth

↬ notes; this took so long lmfao i just had it sitting but i’m finishing up seungmin rnnn 🤓 i’ve been doing requests whew i just have EVERYTHING coming at once

u guys r really surprised 

u two had been in a relationship for four years now so this was inevitable as u two were putting off the pressure of marriage for awhile now

“woah, i’m gonna be a dad!! does this mean u have to call me daddy now?”

0_0

u r s e n s i t i v e

felix first notices this when he gives u a kiss in the morning n ur crying like two seconds after

:((

“why are you crying??!”

“you just leave so early and i miss you!!”

felix skips the day, not rly caring he just wants to cuddle u 🥺

speaking of cuddling u two r so cuddly together now

u guys just cant get enough of each other

ur at practice less often just bc of media and he thinks the house is safer for u

so the boys come over a ton more to the dorm just bc they wanna see u and spend time with u

he is so cute, whenever he sees you he’ll instantly be on his knees to kiss your baby bump and leave u with a light kiss on ur lips

u guys go to ur scan at the beginning of the second trimester

its hush hush and ofc felix has u with the best doctor hes heard of 

his hands are clammy asf, hes smiling and so dazed while he stares at the ultrasound

“look at that!! baby a and baby b!!”

felix is like, 

“oh im gonna pass out”

now he gets these corny ass JOKES like

“wow lix has really GOOD swimmers!!!”

“felix knows his way around the bedroom!!!!!!!!”

poor baby jeongin :( they are POLLUTING HIS MIND

he doesnt but this boy is scared shitless now, two babies?? thats a lot to handle

he likes to shop, a lot. 

for some reason everything is dog themed, puppies on everything and he’ll come home with bags of baby stuff everyday

lix is just so in love with your body

sweaters, t-shirts, hoodies, anything he owns, he 100% wants you to wear it

he might be a little excited at the thought of u in his clothes, it was usual but now u pregnant, he was a little MORE excited

abnormally this guy worships your body 100% 

he loves how easily you can just unravel, to the point of tears and have u begging for him to stop

ok lemme not ill start writing shit type smut anyways chile yes lix loves u A LOT in and out of the bedroom

mmm he’ll always be brainstorming names

aeygo for the babies 🥺

tons of kisses he has plenty to go around

he acquires a new skill called cooking 😣

ur his new favorite taste tester

he’ll read books for them both

tons of research on expecting twins and what to do

“hey, okay.. so i bought a pregnancy pillow, and like, i wanna use it?”

felix has this smirk, holding the huge pillow that is supposed to be a maternity one, but he much prefers himself using it as a regular pillow

he actually goes public with this, knowing that the fans adored u after being his girlfriend for so long nd u soon became a favorite for them

some shit like ‘stays meet your new members’ 😣

this guy has a knack for painting, his newest canvas is your large baby bump, doodling little flowers n hearts or animals on it, sometimes painting characters on it or whatever it may be

u two have this rly cute vlive together which consists of him painting ur baby bump, plenty of fun while he asked stays to tell him what to draw on ur bump :v

“ooh!! a ladybug!!”

he posts the finished project in nice high quality on their official instagram, showing off the many things he had painted

the dreaded bed rest comes into play

u are now nearing seven months, which meant that u should be experiencing labor or maybe labor pains soon

he takes his paternal leave, now indulging in ice-cream and gummy bears with u, rather than working out and drinking nasty smoothies

guess who has that sympathy weight 

(jk he just uses it as an excuse so he can just give up on his diet)

sleep all day

sleep all night

u two are honestly so tired for WHATEVER reason

lix is there to be a cuddle bug, pulling ur back close to his body, ur legs entwined and his hand on top of ur own that was on ur bump

its rly cute just try and picture it for a moment

u guys r trying everything to hurry and get to the end of this seemingly forever pregnancy

he’ll def buy two yoga balls instead of just one for u and he’ll bounce on them with u

who cares ab trying to hurry up y’all are having so much fun regardless of the fact u have to pee every ten minutes

u both forget the thought of it and just go with the flow

making a deal to go with the names for whomever u claimed aka baby a or baby b

i see ur guys timing to be during the summer so its miserable in ur house

its hot n stuffy

u two r just lounging n u both have popsicles, then ur just like

“oh! oh.”

it was a steady gush of fluid between ur legs and that was when the nervousness set in

u two just look at each-other in shock

“oh! we’re having a baby- um.. wow!”

he is abnormally good at keeping calm, helping u keep ur breathing steady and getting everything together 

felix is a pro.

u guys r kinda chilling in the parking lot just quiet and sort of nervous that the next time ur walking out of there you both will have not one, but two babies

“i don’t know if i’m ready yet.”

felix groans, grabbing ur hand

“ur right, ur more than ready. look at us!! parents of two in at least the next twenty-four hours!!” 

his hands r around u in a second to help u up and there to help u walk in

u two honestly decide to play games on ur phone to kill time

felix crawls into ur bed, seeing as how u looked extremely lonely, letting his arms and legs wrap around u n he’s just playing with ur hair

its honestly adorable

u two are really tired for whatever reason, falling asleep like this before u would be consumed in the late nights of being parents

these nurses wake u both up and are just like

“let’s see if we’re ready to meet ur babies!!”

felix is kinda scared but nonetheless he’ll grab ur hand and hold onto it with a smile

10cm woo!

if he wasn’t hyping u up before he is hyping u up right now

ur somewhat laughing and crying while in pain

yall r so weird

felix is there to wipe ur face with the wet cloth, or to give u a sip of water, rly whatever u need he is on it

poor baby just wants to be of help

“here’s baby a! it’s a girl!”

u two have at least a moment with her, taking in her small appearance, felix holding her out for u to see

abruptly cut off by baby b needing to make an appearance

“i don’t wanna do this again.”

“it’s alright, shh. we’re going to have two babies, two perfect ones. we have one little girl, let’s get ready for the next one, yeah? our two babies, you’re doing so good.”

they take away ur little girl while felix does what he already did beforehand

“here’s your second one!! we have a pair of sisters!”

u and felix are so overjoyed at this news, literally sobbing, u two r a mess

both r brought over to u, felix taking in the fact he’s a father of two girls, such small girls

ur both smiley while u kiss them n cuddle them, getting the nurse to take a picture of u two

ur obviously tired, felix emotionally worn out but having the brightest smiles on ur faces while u hold onto ur pair of newborn girls

he’s so proud, he’s the definition of a proud father

lix is holding onto one and he comes over to you, the other one cooing

“that’s it, my three girls.”

©️ maysdiors 2020 :: all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.

[letitrainathousandflames]

My as needed anti anxiety meds (similar concept, completely different execution of the solution to the problem) make me pass out within 30-40min of taking the full dose, regardless of where I am or what I am doing. Best of luck with the woozy brain.

For some extra fun bonus laughs in the future, write down some of the stuff that comes to your mind to read later, it almost never fails to make me laugh when I do it (post meds but pre coma)

One of the first times I used these meds I started drawing the ROUNDEST, CHUBBIEST pikachus at the corners of a notebook I had left close to my bed. In the morning I woke up to the worst chiken-scratch of a writing next to those doodles, saying: find the shock rats, teach them the ways of the Force

Apparently woozy!me thought I was a) a jedi and b) able to take on some pikachu padawans

[random-jot]

First Law Ask Meme

Tagged by @books-and-doodles !! ty!!

Favourite First Law Book: ooooh how could you make me choose! I think I might have to say Before They Are Hanged

Why: ok so I'm saying BTAH because while I enjoyed Blade Itself a lot, it was whilst reading BTAH that I truly got hooked on the series, the dynamics that emerge between the main POV characters, the conclusion to Bayaz'a quest, just so many good characters and moments. This book was the one where I knew this series was gonna be something extra-special

Top 5 Favourite Characters: Jezal, Logen, Monza, Shivers, Rikke

Jezal ohhhhh this boy's humility arc, we love to see it. Despite his flaws - and they are many - can't help but love him (which tbh is a sentiment that applies to every TFL character lmao)

Logen just a greatly written character, gotta love his grim sense of humour and his occasional glints of sage advice. His whole 'better to do a thing than live with the fear of it' philosophy has genuinely helped me get through some anxiety stuff irl

Monza this girl's got conviction, dude. Is her obsession over a streak of vengeance fuelled killings admirable behaviour? Not necessarily. But is she a complete and total badass regardless? Hell yes.

Shivers my boy!!! my lad. The North's no.1 sadboy to badboy arc. When he first showed up in LAOK I remember thinking it'd be kind of cool to get a POV from him, see his personal thoughts on the whole Logen situation, so when we got that in BSC I was delighted - and then through The Heroes, RC and the Age Of Madness books he just kept getting better, I love the arc he goes on, he is absolutely my favourite overall First Law character

Ferro just another absolute badass, love how much insight she has into the other characters she's travelling with, very cool to read her POV chapters

Top 5 Least Favourite Characters (and why): Oh I don't really know. Well, Bayaz and Yoru for what I suppose are obvious reasons, Stour Nightfall not just because he's a bad guy but because I don't think there was that much development to his character, and then I think I'd have to say Sworbreck after the stuff he pulled in Wisdom Of Crowds and finally maybe Arch Lector Sult I guess, he's a bad egg

Favourite ship: I gotta actually agree on Jexal x Ardee, they are not good for each other, but they do have a lot of sweet scenes, Jezal's mixed obliviousness and complete smitten-ness is always fun to read, and the bittersweet way that things end up between them just makes for a good story

Favourite region in the First Law series: hmm. I'm gonna say, just 'cause I really like the descriptions, all the abandoned places that Bayaz's crew travel through in BTAH, like I love the detail that in that one place there's no life, so the trees are dead but perfectly preserved because even rot is a kind of life, plus it all leans into your classic high-fantasy questing tropes, which I'm a sucker for

Top 3 Favourite Scenes: hmm, I think I'm gonna say a) the scene in LAOK where The Bloody Nine takes over Logen, b) the battle sequence for Carleon in Wisdom Of Crowds, and c) for the third one I think I've gotta say the 'interaction' that West has with Ladisla shortly after he earns his "Furious" nickname

How Were You Introduced To The Books? At university I would often peruse the Scifi/Fantasy/Horror section of Newcastle's local Waterstones - I remember i was looking specifically for fantasy stuff that had not been adapted into anything yet, and I remember picking up The Blade Itself, seeing the name 'Logen Ninefingers' on the back and thinking 'damn this sounds kinda cool.' I eventually bought said book and whaddya know, it was cool, and a couple years later, boom, First Law became my favourite fantasy series

Share A Quote Or Quotes You Love: as I mentioned above, "Better to do the thing than live with the fear of it" is such a resonant quote, and tbh all of Logen's little catchphrases are great, I also really love a lot of Cosca's cynical tidbids, in Best Served Cold I believe he says something about how 'most men will bend or break their morals at the first problem, or even inconvience' (I'm paraphrasing bc I can't find the exact quote, but Nicomo Cosca is just a well of great quotes)

Tagging: @autoapocrypha @xillionart @myu2k2 AND anyone else in the First Law fandom who wants to do it, just go ahead and say I tagged you!

[nymphigeon]

Someone you love(d) || KTH

• Pairing: Taehyung x Reader(f)

• Genre: break up au, angst with a happy ending, fluff? (just a lil' bit at the end :))

• Rating: PG

• Words: 7.2k

• Warnings: swearing, mention of weight, they kiss like once, if you don't like cheesy things....skip this one lmao

• Summary: You thought he loved you, you really did, but the way he left told you something else.

Or alternatively;

Taehyung is an emotionally constipated idiot who doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.

• A/N: Okay it took me waaay too long to write this, I'm so sorry T_T I really wanted to get this out earlier, but well things happened....

I only proofread this like once and had some trouble getting everything into the post properly so I'm sorry if there are any mistakes!  Please let me know if you find any so I can fix them asap.

Thank you for the request @mytaetaey​! I hope it matches your expectations!!!

It honestly hasn't even been that long since the day he showed up at my house.

"Let’s break up."

Although I really wouldn't be able to tell you how much time had truly passed.

"W-wait why?"

Days felt like weeks, weeks felt like months. Everything just seemed to last a lot longer than it should have.

"Did I do something wrong? I-I can fix it, just tell me!"

It might have happened last week, or the week before that. Wasn't it three weeks ago?

"No, no you didn't do anything wrong y/n. I'm sorry this just isn't working out."

Bottom line is, the passing of time hasn't really been on my mind. Any day without him is a day lost, a day to forget about.

"What do you mean this isn’t working out? I thought we were doing well together..."

I remember the confusion that went through me. All of a sudden the four years we spent together seemed to have disappeared.

“You thought wrong.”

He had been acting weird for a while, never quite getting close to telling me what was going through his mind. I hadn’t anticipated it ever ending like this though.

“Not everything you believe is a fact.”

The years I had to get to know him ended too soon. They went by so fast, they might as well have been non-existent.

"I... why? I don’t understand…

This all came too sudden. Just a few days before he had been laying on my bed, smiling as I told him about my day.

"I just don't feel the same anymore."

I just needed a little more time. A little more time to adore him. A little more time to say goodbye.

"I don't love you anymore."

But I still did do. He didn’t seem to care though. After he took care of me for a while, he decided I’m not worth it. Not even as someone who he just passes by.

"It's best if we don't see each other anymore."

If you cherish what you have you'll never be left unsatisfied.

"Goodbye."

I did. And it broke me.

“Y/n? Helloooo?”

My daydreams get interrupted by a waving hand in front of my face, followed by a harsh flick against my forehead.

“Ouch! Mina that was too hard!” Both my hands shoot up to the stinging spot between my eyes, one to prevent the evil hand from handing out another flick, the other one to rub at the red spot forming.

“Class ended a few minutes ago, you should probably pack up. Really, did you just stare off into space for the entire class?” Spotting my close to empty notebook, Mina sighs and shakes her head. She’s trying to look disappointed, but under the scolding exterior she’s putting on, there is a hint of pity.

It’s not the first time this week that not a single word has made it into my notes. Each time again the pages are either filled with lazy doodles and meaningless scribbles, or a space of absolute nothingness, not even a drop of ink staining the white paper.

“I’m sorry, I really did try to pay attention, but you know I hate his classes with a passion.” We both know that’s not the reason for my absentness, and neither of us speaks up about it. It’s what I requested myself, not being able to cope with the sadness I was causing my friends to feel. They care too much, I don’t want to burden them for too long.

“I know sweetheart, you did do your best. I’ll send my notes later, if you want I’ll help you understand them too.” Though no matter how hard I try, I still rely on them. They keep convincing me to, their kind souls not being able to leave me alone.  “If you could I’d really appreciate it.”

A sweet smile appears on Mina’s lips as I accept her offer, being more than happy to help me. She has always been the type to give more than she received, and despite me believing she deserves more than she gets, I adore her for it. “Of course, any time.”

I finish packing my belongings into my backpack, first making sure I didn’t leave anything behind before leaving the classroom with Mina close to my side. She talks about everything and nothing as we roam the spacious hallways filled with tired looking students. I wouldn’t be surprised if more than half of them slept until the end of their lectures.

Most of Mina’s words fall on deaf ears as I think back to the thoughts that occupied my mind the entire time my teacher was trying to explain the principle of quantum mechanics. I wouldn’t have understood it regardless of whether I was paying attention or not by the way.

“Ah you don’t have any more classes today, do you?” An unannounced weight falls on my left side as Mina whines into my shoulder, effectively bringing me back down to earth. Some brabbles about life being unfair escape the muffled sounds she produces, clearly not looking forward to the rest of her day.

“I’m going to be so lonely, me and Daeun aren’t allowed to sit next to each other anymore.” Mina raises her head to catch some air, her hands still clinging to the fabric of my shirt. The scowl on her face isn’t hard to miss, as she isn’t doing much to hide it.

“I was just going to head home straight away.” On any other day I would’ve probably teased her, wishing her good luck while I go and enjoy the free life. Today however, I don’t. My face stays in it’s boring resting position, even as Mina waits for the non-existent twist at the end.

It doesn’t take long before she finally sees I’m not poking fun at her. The moment of realization is clear, her whiny expression disappearing and her hands falling back to her sides. “Oh.”

“Well since it’s Friday how about I come hang out at your place when I’m done here? I’ll drag Daeun along with me too.” Mina’s voice is unsure, scared that I’ll reject her offer. A thick tension hangs in the air as we both wait for my reply.

I want to be alone. I want to be able to overthink in peace without others insisting that my mind is wrong. Though on the other side, I do know that I’ve been pushing them away. All the more reason for them to worry about me.

“Yeah sure.” I manage to convince myself to decide on the option I’d like the least. Somewhere I may be hoping that I’ve been missing out on a distraction I needed. I will never know until I experience it.

“Great! I’ll bring snacks too, let’s make it a movie night!” And off she goes, not waiting for any kind of confirmation from my side. Most likely it’s a way to keep me from refusing, forcing me into a situation that’s best for me, according to her.

I might not be looking forward to the events to come, but even I can’t deny the dull blossoming of my heart. The corners of my lips tug up, together with a hand to wave the girl off.

Yeah, perhaps, just maybe, I’m excited to spend some time with them.

I wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. Did I gain too much weight? Did I not text him enough? Was I going down the wrong path?

No matter what I wrote down, which new question I thought of, it didn’t seem right. Crumpled up paper balls and clothes littering the apartment show of the frustration occupying my mind.

No aspect of me changed for the worse. I’m still the same healthy weight, we texted almost every day, and I’m running up the path to a successful career. There is nothing wrong with me, so why am I blaming myself so heavily?

Because for some reason I believe that if I had done things differently the outcome would have been better. Because maybe he would’ve changed his mind if I reacted differently. Because it could never be him who was in the wrong.

A knock on the door and the pen I had been holding drops. Focussing on the paper in front of me once more, the harsh worded sentences ending in large written question marks stand out. I’m yearning for answers to questions I don’t even understand myself and it’s terrifying.

Three knocks on the door this time and I’m up, quickly discarding all the papers littering around. Some I tear to pieces, making sure none of the written sentences are visible anymore, others simply get hidden.

The door creaks as it opens, broadcasting it’s old age to the world. I should probably replace it sometime before someone decides to break in. Not that there’s anything worth taking here, I am a student after all.

“Hey dea- Oh no you look horrible.” A slight gasp interrupts Daeun’s cheery greeting when she notices the birds nest that is my hair. After having acted out all my annoyance on the poor strands, they’ve taken to each other for comfort, gladly intertwining. To my dismay, of course.

“I feel horrible. Come in.” The chuckle meant to lighten the statement doesn’t do it’s job properly. Both don’t say anything more as they enter the tiny apartment I call home, but they might as well have been screaming ‘I feel sorry for you.’” If they won’t do it, their faces definitely will.

“I won’t let any of you chose a movie tonight, I’ve got way too many good ideas.” Mina drops the overfilled bags she was holding on the dinner table while she talks. From the few items that stick out it’s safe to deduce that they’re filled with snacks to the brim.

“Also I was thinking we could order some pizza for dinner. All on me, I just got payed.” Like she owns the place, Mina reaches for several bowls high up in the cupboards of the kitchen. “We’ll use these tonight..” She says it more so to herself than to anyone else, not bothering to ask me anything. Not that it was really needed, I would have given her permission anyway.

“How was your day?” Sitting down next to Daeun, who has made herself comfortable on the couch after walking in, I try to start a basic conversation. Even though I’m not particularly in the mood for anything, I decide it’s probably best to try before I ruin the fun.

“You shouldn’t have to pretend that everything is okay, you know.” My question is completely ignored, switched for a statement that sets a heavy atmosphere in the room. The little excitement I had for their visit disappears. Instead, irritation starts taking over.

“Look Daeun, I-”

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, but this is not the way to cope with whatever may be happening inside you right now.” The tone she uses tells me she isn’t about to back out anytime soon. I hate it, hate how she feels like she can tell me what’s best for me.

“If this is what you came here for then I think it’s best that you leave. I’m not playing around here.” I turn away from the both of them, showing my back instead. This was supposed to be a fun evening to get my mind off him. Turns out, it’s the exact opposite.

“She’s right y/n.” It didn’t sound like Mina initially wanted to talk about this. She has always been unsure of when and how to address things, usually rather staying silent. With the right help however, Mina too will spill her words.

“This will always be a part of your life now, no matter how hard you try to erase it, you can’t. I know you’re hurting, and you’re allowed to feel hurt, we just want to help you. We’ll distract you all you like later, but for now, just confide in us please?”

It’s the way I feel both of their eyes burning into my back, the way she isn’t exactly sure how to convey her thoughts, though has the best intentions, the way a gentle hand softly lands on my shoulder. Sooner or later the dam would have broken. Apparently that time has come.

“I gave up so much for that guy! I moved to a more expensive apartment closer to his so we could see each other more, I started working more hours so he wouldn’t need to pay every time we went out together,” I never really got the chance to complain about the negative side to the changes I made, always feeling like it should be worth it, since I did it for him.

“I studied late into the night just so I had time during the day to hang out with him, do you know how much sleep I lost? I couldn’t even go home to my parents regularly anymore, for the distance was too much.”

Not exactly having expected me to rant so much, the two girls seated next to me stare in surprise. Never have I expressed any discomfort with what I was doing, always plastering a smile on my face.

“I don’t even mind that he broke up with me, I mean I do, but he was so cold! I had done my best to keep things going between us and he just gives me an ‘oh I don’t like you anymore’ like it’s common sense. I didn’t even get a thank you for all those years or a sorry for breaking it off! I just wish he’d…”

I take in a deep breath after having forgotten to breathe for the past minute, all the tears I kept in finally making an appearance as my anger get replaced by the same sadness I felt all those days ago.

“I just wished he’d at least given me reassurance I hadn’t been a waste of his time.”

The volume in which I spoke had drastically lowered, coming out in an almost-whisper. All the objects in front of me blurred as a non-stop stream of tears made it’s way out, my cries just mere silent sobs.

The hand resting on my shoulder becomes an arm pulling me into her side, the rough material of her shirt revealing her identity. Daeun doesn’t say anything as her other hand strokes through the strands of my hair, detangling any knots on the way.

For a moment I feel guilty about the tears wetting her shirt. It’s when she pulls me against her a little tighter that the feeling disappears, giving me the opportunity to fully bask in her embrace.

“I’m so sorry sweetheart.” Feeling left out, Mina pats my thigh and breaks the silence. “You worked hard didn’t you? Because you loved him.” I can hear her clothes rustling first, before her arms too wrap around the space Daeun left.

“I still do.” No matter how much I try to forget about him, I can’t seem to do it. He has engraved himself into my mind, forever stuck. If he’d ever leave is a mystery, though for now, it seems impossible.

You know what? Fuck you Kim Taehyung.

“Dude, what do you want for your birthday?” It’s Jungkook who has slammed down my door and completely disturbed my peace.

“Huh? Nothing in particular really.” Despite the rude entrance, I don’t look up from my tv screen, having already gotten used to the lack of announcements before he comes in.

“Didn’t you ask me that already two days ago?” Once again ignoring any form of politeness, the younger one makes grabby hands towards the bag of potato chips laying next to me. I don’t make any move to stop him, knowing very well I can’t win from him in a fight, ever.

“Yeah because I thought maybe you changed your mind. Usually you’re so excited for your birthday, but you just seem so… Unenthusiastic?” There is almost no way to take him seriously when he’s scarfing down my dear food like it’s water. Surely when were out next time I’ll make him get me a new bag.

“Well yeah that’s because…” What exactly was I going to say?

Finally grabbing his full attention, Jungkook puts down the bag of chips and lets himself fall down next to me. “Because?”

There is no mistaking his smirk for a smile, although he does his damn best to hide it. He knows exactly what I was about to say, and I’m not about to admit anything.

“Because I realized it’s nothing to be overly excited about. That’s it.” Challenging Jungkook to prove me wrong I stare right back at him, not planning on chickening out any time soon. It seems to have worked, as he looks away first.

“Ah is that so? I’ll just see if I can find something you’ll like myself in that case.” The boy who has silently admitted defeat removes himself from the couch, moving to his room at the other side of our apartment.  “Good luck buddy.”

No longer having to pay attention to him, I rewind the movie I was watching back. That muscle bunny just made me miss the absolute best part.

“So why exactly are you dragging me to town again?”

It’s not too busy today, which should have been a given as it’s a normal weekday. Everyone is either yawning behind a desk or running around in circles depending on their career choices. Compared to them, I’m making the worst possible choice by letting my best friend convince me to skip class for a reason I wasn’t even familiar with.

“I’m having none of this ‘I don’t care what you get me’ nonsense. We’re going to find something you like, and that’s why we’re here.” Jimin takes a pause from pulling me along by hand to put both of his on his waist like a proud toddler.

“So in other words, we’re here so I can choose my own birthday gift?” Slowly I begin to understand how much of a waste of my time this is. I could’ve been doing fine trying to understand whatever Mrs. Wilson wanted to go over today, but instead I’m going to be reminded of my ex all day. Great.

Well, if she was still here it wouldn’t have mattered whether I knew what I wanted or not, she always had something great for me, and I always looked forward to it. Once she jokingly told me how she felt pressured, having to live up to my expectations. Though honestly there was nothing for her to live up to, I liked her gifts because she gave them to me. Because she always managed to make each and every birthday a fun one.

“Any ideas yet? Jewellery, clothes, games… Wait, nothing too expensive, I’ll go broke!” Jimin’s sudden panic manages to bubble up a chuckle in me. He doesn’t really seem to appreciate it though, as he scowls at the sound. “What? Your taste is too expensive!”

He knows me well it seems. Not that it was ever a real secret. When the contents of your closet is worth more than someone’s rent several times anybody would want to show that off right? Well so do I.

We walk into several stores for inspiration. No real shopping haul, just a quick in and out with Jimin trying to get a reaction out of me by stuffing things he thinks I like into my face. So far no real success, my only reaction being something along the lines of ‘ah yes that looks nice’ at everything he proposes.

It’s not like I’m purposefully trying not to find something I truly like, but more that honestly nothing catches my interest. And I promise it’s not even the price, some of my most prized possessions are the cheapest things I own. This just isn’t doing it for me.

After having been pulled into the what feels like the hundredth store, my stomach decides to make the loudest noise known to mankind. “Can we like, maybe take a break?” There is no doubt that my face is bright red at this moment, instantly heating up when Jimin laughs equally as loud.

“If you were hungry you should’ve just said so. Let’s go find something to eat.” Is probably the only sentence he said today that I’ve fully agreed on.

It sounded so easy, just find somewhere to buy food. Unfortunately, getting our tummies filled wasn’t written in our future so soon. No matter where we look, everything is either closed or completely full with customers. Who knew so many other people were hungry at this moment. Not like it’s close to dinner time or anything.

Eventually, I manage to convince Jimin to eat at a small fancy restaurant down the street on my expense. Despite him agreeing after a few attempts, a set pout is still present on his face, which doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. Together with some murmurs about how this isn’t fair, he makes himself look incredibly adorable.

Soon however, I would come to regret my decision. The fancy tablecloths and nicely plated food wouldn’t be looking so appealing anymore. Because even if I had convinced my mind of the truth my constant lies hold, there was simply no way for me to convince my heart too.

“Hey isn’t that y/n and… I don’t think I know him.”

The male opposite her had somehow won her over with that stupid perfect smile he wore, his eyes an annoyingly beautiful ocean deep blue and his blonde hair styled in an awfully neat way. Everything about the sight annoys the heck out of me, including the way she was smiling back at him. Why does she look so happy? When was the last time I saw her like that?

“Oh are they… I’m sorry Tae.”

I was the one who broke up with her. I was the one who walked out with a load haven fallen off of my shoulders. I was the one who ran even though she cried. There is no reason for me not to be completely fine.

“I don’t care, she can do whatever she wants now.”

So then why am I the one hurting this much?

It came sooner than expected, my birthday. Just sort of snuck up on me. After the restaurant incident Jimin himself magically decided to end the shopping trip and go home to eat. Nobody ever mentioned my birthday again in the following days.

It was pretty clear that someone had told the others about what happened, although none of them spoke about it. That someone obviously being Jimin.

“Soooo… any plans for the day?”

The question comes from Jungkook, who is fidgeting with the hem of his oversized hoodie. He stands quietly in the doorway to my room, waiting for an answer he already knows.

“Go to class and study after.”

“You’re not going out of the house? No party planned?” The suffocating nervosity radiates off of him in waves, displayed by the still ongoing fidgeting and his eyes that can’t seem to focus on one thing at a time.

“Nope, no other plans.” I sit up in bed, slowly coming to terms with the fact that I won’t be getting any more sleep. Despite him looking like he’s scared I’m going to get mad, he doesn’t actually give up, which isn’t appreciated on my part.

“Well the boys thought we could maybe go out together, get a few drinks.” On any other day besides my birthday I would’ve most likely agreed to the plan. Today however, I can’t help but relate every proposition to my birthday, which I, in case you hadn’t noticed yet, want to forget about as soon as possible.

I had already given him enough opportunities to stop. All it would take was leaving me alone. His constant persistence ends up getting to me, successfully causing me to snap at the younger boy. If he expected an outburst, he’s getting it.

“Why the fuck does everyone expect me to celebrate today? If my birthday is the day on which I can do whatever shit I want then let me do whatever I want!” It wasn’t meant to come out that way, and the guilt sets in the moment I realize it, but I don’t have time to apologize.

“Dude, you seriously need to do something about your feelings for y/n.” He sighs the words as he casually leans against the wall, his arms crossed. In an instant the awkward energy around him disappears, replaced by a very prominent eye roll. It’s not hard to guess that this has been on his mind for a while.

“Don’t mention her. This has nothing to do with her.”

“This has everything to do with her and you know it.”

I don’t have anything to say against that. We both know it’s the truth, though only one of us is trying to deny it. The dumb one.

“You know what I think? You spent your past 6 birthdays with the girl of your dreams and now that you pushed her away you have no idea what to do. Am I right?”

He is. I don’t say anything as my head lowers, slowly realizing there is no hiding anything from him. She’s still on my mind. I still wonder what she’s doing, where she is, if she’s safe. I still care. “You’re right.”

I broke up with who I considered my other half, convincing myself that I didn’t need her anymore. Who exactly was I trying to protect?

“I had to, I’ll hurt her.” I already did.

“And suddenly breaking up with her is supposed to make her happy?” I was hoping it would in the long run.

“You’re not the same as him.” Though I am. The same parents, the same group of friends growing up, the same sense of humour. We got along so well. What if we still do?

“He’s my brother Kook. We were so alike. You know he once too adored her.” We don’t talk anymore, I’m disappointed in him. He would’ve been too. I don’t understand what changed.

“He used her, nobody saw it coming. The signs were there, he just hid them too well.” Jungkook leaves his spot against to wall to comfort me, tucking my head into his neck.

“You’re not him and he isn’t you. The fact that you no longer want to be associated with him proves everything. He didn’t care about Hyeon.” So he can look straight at me, he pushes me away with his hands on my shoulders. The expression on his face tells me he’s serious.

“You love her, and you’ve got to fix this mess.”

I don’t like agreeing with him, but once again, he’s right.

As soon as I open the door I want to slam it right back into his face. Or I might want to run into his arms, I can’t decide yet. Regardless, I wasn’t expecting Taehyung to be standing on the other side when the doorbell went off.

“Umm… Hi?” All the words that have been building up in my personal dictionary seem to disappear the moment I lay my eyes on him. He still looks as good as the last time I saw him, even though the circumstances were heart-breaking.

“Hey, um I’m sorry I showed up unannounced. I didn’t really think this through…” Everything about him screams awkward. From the way his feet are pointed slightly more inwards than normally, to the way he doesn’t seem to be able to smile naturally. Instead there is this weird, tight expression on his face.

“Oh um… Would you like to come in though?” I don’t wait for an answer as I step aside, my memory helping me remind that nine out of ten times the answer to that question is ‘yes’. “Oh yeah, thank you.”

“Do you want anything to drink?” Not really having anything to say I cycle through the set few sentences I usually need when I have someone over. I’m not happy that he’s here, but I’m not the type to lash out at people.

“Ah no, I’m okay. Look I’m just going to get straight to the point, I messed up big time. I got insecure and closed myself off to everyone including you and I’m so fucking sorry that I did.”

My lack of reaction surprises me. Sure, my insides are doing somersaults, but I don’t feel the need to express any of it. Like an unused sheet of paper, my face stays blank. “And now you’re here to win me back I presume?”

Somewhere in between his statement and mine, the tables shifted. Slowly, I’m gaining the confidence he is losing.

“Well, not really, I mean yes, but-”

He catches himself rambling, shutting his mouth before any real nonsense can make it out. Taking a deep breath helps, the words coming out more fluently after. Not a great start, but it’s okay. I have patience. Sometimes.

“I just wanted to let you know that the words I shot at you that day weren’t true. I hurt you and I didn’t want those words to roam your mind not knowing they weren’t even close to what I was feeling.”

The deep breath he drew in earlier escapes in a deep sigh, followed by his mouth opening and closing a few times without any sounds making it out. “And?” It was meant as a way to encourage him to continue. Sadly, it came out rather rude.

“I do still care about you, damn I still love you more every day. If there is anything I can do to make it up to you please let me know, I don’t want to have to live in a world where my last words to you made you cry. Obviously I would want a second chance at being the proper lover you deserve, but you’re in charge here. If you want me to walk out the door I will.”

There’s a hopeful look in his eyes making my heart beat erratically. In the past I would’ve instantly dropped to my knees, making sure every wish of his came true. I am no longer that girl.

“Tae it’s been months, you can’t just suddenly drop by and tell me you’re sorry. I spent days wondering why you broke up with me, wailing over the fact that you suddenly just didn’t care anymore, and even now you’re not giving me an answer. Why did you suddenly turn your back on me? Why did you not talk to me about whatever was bothering you? Even now you’re making me feel like you couldn’t trust me. Fuck, you just left me there like I was a piece of trash!”

What was once a hopeful look in his eyes, turned into defeat. He won’t give me an answer.

“You can’t just come in here exclaiming to love me after I’ve worked so hard to get myself over you. You can’t just come in here trying to steal my heart when I’m learning to give it to somebody else.”

“The blonde haired dude?”

Perhaps I shouldn’t feel a sense of accomplishment at the clear jealousy in his voice. However, this man did break my heart in two for apparently no reason. Is it weird I would want to get back at him a little?

“His name is Yejun and he’s a great guy. Look, just leave please. I have nothing more to say or hear. We’re done.” Turning away from him I mark the end of this conversation. It takes a while before there is any movement behind me. Slow steps make their way to the front door before pausing.

“I hope he treats you well, but I’m not going to simply give up on you like that.”

And secretly, I was hoping he wouldn’t.

Two, three four days, before I realize it it has been an entire week since I last saw him. Some part of me is scared, scared that he has decided otherwise and I will never hear from him again.

I had told myself getting over him would be easy when I finally accepted the help of my friends, and for a while it was. Or so I thought, because the moment he walked in here I was right back to square one.

I’m in the middle of working on a new project when the doorbell rings. Standing up, I go to open the door wondering who it could be. If he had come back for me after all. Too bad I would soon be disappointed, as the man standing in front of my door was just an ordinary mailman.

“Umm I didn’t order anything?” My eyes fall on almost gigantic package behind the man. If I ordered some furniture I would’ve surely remembered right?

“Are you not y/f/n y/l/n?”

“No I am.”

“It clearly has your name and address on it miss.”

The building up confusion hasn’t left my head yet, but knowing there is nothing else I can do I decide to accept the package. After thanking the courier I close the door and carefully carry the big box into my living room.

The moment I open the big thing up, a bunch of big balloons float up to my low ceiling. There’s a transparent one with little hearts bouncing around inside, one that’s just one big heart itself, another one has the words ‘I love you’ written on it in a neat font. If I hadn’t checked my calendar this morning I would’ve thought it was valentine’s day.

Diving deeper into the box I find a relatively big fluffy teddy bear, hugging what seems to be a letter in a white envelope.

‘When I was 16 a miracle happened, I met the most beautiful girl. Me not being able to contain myself I immediately introduced myself to her. She said he name was y/n. I think it was back then that I decided her voice was my favourite. I was too much of a coward to ask her out at the time. I eventually did, though looking back I wish I did so sooner. There was never a boring day with her by my side.’

That’s all there is. Just a few words on an otherwise empty piece of paper. No signature at the bottom, no name, and still I knew exactly who wrote it.

The next day another package came in. This time a different set of balloons, a different stuffed animal, but the exact same white envelope.

 ‘When I was 22 my brother and his fiancée broke it off. Just like the piece of shit I have to call my dad he betrayed his partner’s trust, cheating on her without a second thought. My mother heard about it and accused both of us as being just like our father. You know after a while, I really started believing her.’

Each day a new box would come in, always containing a present with a letter attached.

‘I was terrified of hurting you, terrified of you seeing me the way my mom did, so I hid everything from you. I should’ve known that I can’t hide anything, you know me too well. I panicked and left you, the biggest mistake I could ever make. One that made everything that was already happening so much worse. I tried telling myself I didn’t need you, but I just couldn’t.’

I believed him, believed in the words he wrote down.

‘I’m so fucking sorry for everything I put you through. It’s all my fault and I’ll spend forever owning up to my mistakes. I love you and I don’t want to live without you. Please just give me one more chance to prove myself to you. One is all I need.’

I’m sorry Yejun, I can’t forget about him after all.

Actually he should be the one who is nervous, and well maybe he is, but I’m the one standing on his front porch with my knees shaking and my heart beating right out of my chest. At one point I was even scared he would be able to hear me through the door.

Shaking my head I gather all the courage I can to knock on his door before I turn around and run back in the direction I came from. However, when I hear the sound of my fist on the hard wood I briefly still consider hiding somewhere.

Luckily I don’t get the chance to. While still going back and forth between the options staying or coming back some other time, the door creaks. I stiffly force my hands to stay still at my sides. The time it takes for the door to actually open seems like an entirety. If you were to count the passing seconds it would at most be like 5, which doesn’t sound like much, it feels like much.

“y/n?” His stance looks like a ‘what are you doing here?’, but his eyes give more of a ‘please say you’re here to forgive me’. Well, the latter would be right. “Can I come in?”

“Y-yeah of course.”

It’s not hard to notice that he is uncertain of his actions. It pleases me on one hand, as it gives me some sort of confirmation that he doesn’t want to make any more mistakes around me. On the  other hand, I don’t like seeing him uptight around me. I wish he was more comfortable when I’m near.

“I received the letters you wrote.” He knows I received his letters, he was the one who wrote them and sent them out. Surprisingly though, he almost audibly swallows at the information like he did something bad.

“Why couldn’t you tell me in person?” It takes me back to the day he suddenly landed on my doorstep. Even when I explicitly asked for it, he gave me nothing.

“I was scared, I couldn’t get the words out. I wasn’t at all prepared.” He takes a pause before continuing. “It’s not that I don’t trust you, I just didn’t know what else to believe at that point.”

Carefully, I reach out my hand to place on top of his laying on his lap. I don’t touch his skin yet, patiently waiting for him to give me some sort of consent. It comes in the form of him softly raising his hand to meet mine.

“I know, we all have our insecure times. You’re not obligated to tell me anything. I can’t and shouldn’t force you to. I’m sorry I doubted you. I was only upset about the way you left.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I thought that if your last memory of me was a bad one you’d forget me faster.”

It didn’t work the way he wanted it to, but he already knows. Already having been hit with that fact multiple times, I decide to spare him. I don’t mention it again.

“Did you ever stop loving me?” At the time it seemed like he did. Like he wasn’t simply acting, like those harsh words were what he truly felt. “Be honest please.” I don’t want any more lies. I’ll accept whatever comes out, even if it throws me right back to where I started.

“I-I don’t know… I really thought my mother was right. That what I had for you wasn’t what it seemed to be.” His gaze briefly drifts to the ground, before focussing on our touching hands. Like magic, the uncomfortableness he was feeling seems to shift. “No matter what she or I tried to convince myself of, something was always missing. I couldn’t put a mask over my own hurting and guilt anymore.”

He spoke the truth. Well at least I think he did. And so I accepted it.

“Okay, thank you for telling me.”

This talk was long overdue. Something we both needed and completely missed. No screaming, no crying, no accusing. If only it went this way from the start. We’re not all perfect though. Even if someone out there is, I’m not, he isn’t. They must be laughing at us.

“Your letters were cheesy. The gifts too.” I’m not sure if this is me trying to lighten the mood, or if I’m just stating facts. Regardless, it makes the both of us smile.

“I know. But you love cheesy things, like the roses I buy you on special occasions.” When he looks back at me I have to resist the urge to jump on him. The smile he wears look good on him. It’s been a while since I’ve seen it. “You know me too well.”

“Well did they work?”

I had already made up my mind a few days back. While staring at the floating balloons occupying my living room I had decided for myself that he’s worth it. He is.

Tilting my head up like I’m still thinking, I make clear ‘hmm’ sound. I had thought that the answer is quite obvious, seeing as I came to him myself, but when doubt takes away his smile I drop the act. I’ve been through enough. We’ve both been through enough.

“Yeah, yeah it did.”

Unlike myself, he doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me. Burying his head in the crook of my neck like he used to do, he lets out a few low ‘thank you’s’. It doesn’t take me long to return the hug, feeling just as safe with him as I used to.

“What about.. Ah I forgot his name.” It’s not hard to guess who he’s hinting at, the sourness in his voice giving him away. I understand, I wouldn’t like it either.

“I ended things.” His answer just comes in the for of a small nod. There is no need for anything more.

“I honestly thought you were going to reject me again.” He ends his sentence with a chuckle and completely relaxes in my hold. Now that the tension is gone, we can go back to where we left off, slowly rebuilding what was lost.

“I was just playing with you, I’m sorry. But no more being an asshole okay? I promise I will kick your ass.” My giggling might undermine the threat a little to others. Luckily, he knows I’m serious.

“I will give you full permission to, but you’ll never have to. I’m going to dump so much love on you that you’ll regret ever even thinking about taking me back. You’re stuck with me now though, so you better be prepared.”

Pulling himself back a little, he plants a gentle kiss on my lips. And then another one, a second one, three more, each kiss more passionate than the last. A fire spreads throughout my body, burning away the few doubts I had left with success. Eventually, to my dismay, I have to pull back for air. Damn humans for needing oxygen.

“Oh? I’d like to see you try.”

Just in case you were wondering, I never did regret it.