#Not because I like to write things that take a lot of effort but because of base up thinking. An autistic trait.
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Listen, having worked in university marketing, I am here to tell you that not all ads are evil or trying to deceive you. People work really hard at conveying precisely the information you need that will tell you if a product is for you.
There are people in advertising and marketing who are well aware of the laws about not deceiving customers and who think constantly about what they can provide evidence to claim, not making stuff up.
And yeah, they're trying to persuade you, but that doesn't automatically mean 'buy this piece of shit we're telling you is solid gold'. It means, 'we really believe in this, we have evidence that it's good and could be a great thing for you, but we need to find a way to tell you that and make you trust us' which takes a lot of thought.
And as a consumer there's a lot of stuff I just wouldn't know about if not for advertising. We need advertising to tell people there are solutions to problems, quality products, and fun things to get excited about.
Advertising isn't inherently BAD. And it's one of the few industries in which creative people can make a liveable wage with their art or writing.
The problem we have at the moment is that a lot of people with no training in making good ads, people who don't care about laws, or are based somewhere with less regulation, who are churning out annoying, misleading, not-accesdible garbage.
And these people aren't researching their audience and tailoring the content to people for whom its relevant. Instead a whole tech industry has grown up where people who know fuck all about marketing have companies that scrape and aggregate your data, who sell it to other tech companies that sell advertising space, which is bought up by yet another automated service that has been trained to get 'the best deal' for the company that wants to sell a product.
That's not how it works when you wanna make a useful ad. You should be doing customer research with your actual customers. Analysing the data you get to tailor both the advert and the advertising space.
But these automated systems talking to other automated systems don't do that.
Like, first off, the data is SHIT. It may not even differentiate content you noped out of from stuff you looked at for half an hour. And if it does, it treats all the content on the page equally. All the stuff you're ignoring is tagged as 'on sites this user spends a lot of time on'. Whereas human customer research, for which customers consent and usually receive some kind of reward, involves tracking eye movements, mouse movements, clicks, and an interview afterwards to ask what they were thinking about and why they stayed on one page over another. This is so much more helpful! It helps make content more useful to users and prevents wasted marketing effort.
But almost no one does it these days because, well, it's expensive. You gotta compensate the consumers you do your research with, design sensible things for them to test, have someone monitor and analyse what they do, and interview them after. That's very expensive compared to a bunch of lightning fast calculations that can all be automated. So companies don't pay to do it properly, and they don't actually tailor their ads to you, and they're not trying to be informative.
At best (and I can't stress enough how rare this is) ads that are based on this data and algorithms and/or machine learning deliver what will get you to look at the ad for longer or click the ad to go to a website. But if that means bright flashing colours and the world's tiniest 'x' so you can't actually close the ad without clicking through, these automated systems are designed to get you to do THAT, not buy the product.
Honestly, I know it sounds like I'm asking for sympathy for the devil, but I have seen this from the tech side, the marketing side, the researcher side, and the user doing the test. I have taken a course on content strategy and heard what academics in this field have to say, and it's honestly not evil. They're trying to adapt to an environment where you're constantly barraged with demands on your attention, so it is in the advertiser's best interest to be clear and tailored and not waste your time.
But unfortunately an awful lot of people have been sold on the idea that these automated systems ARE targeting people who would be interested with stuff that's relevant to them, and they're just NOT.
You can see it if you compare an entertaining TV ad by an established brand who can pay for the research to the vast majority of internet ads. They can be funny, entertaining, informative, even insightful. They can also be stereotyped and annoying of course, but on the whole they're much less of a headache than the nonsense funnel we get exposed to constantly online and in mobile games.
Tbh, advertisers, producers, and consumers have all been screwed over by VC-owned companies that are being squeezed from on high for every last drop of short term capital. And that means automating things because it's cheaper and quicker than human analysis, even if it means the whole thing becomes annoying, unhelpful garbage.
But scale it back and think about your artist friend. Your creator with a small etsy business. Your self-published author. Your inventor with a neat accessibility tool. They aren't producing groceries, but if they don't advertise, literally no one will know their products exist.
Advertising DOES have a good and important role. Under-regulated advertising in a toxic system not aimed at serving producers OR customers is hamstrung and cannot perform that role.
The only acceptable ads should be shit like "groceries on sale" and "free event at the local library"
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(all scenes are depicted as platonic)
So every Inktober I try to do something more challenging, and this year I thought I would make a short comic/fanfic. I think I got the idea for this one a year ago but I was already wrapped up with another Inktober. Eventually I solidified the idea by making my own prompt list some time ago.
This comic is split into three parts with 10 days focusing on each of them, 30 in total, everything is compiled here. I wanted to post them after October in case I wanted to change anything.
This first part takes place in the summit.
The comic is basically all improvised, that means no planning for the composition, plot, or sketching any drawings. The most planning I did was write a few scripts ahead of time within the month to save me some time but most of them would be changed last minute anyways.
As for the plot, I won't go too deep into it because I don't want to talk too much, so you'll just find commentary on the making of the comic and stuff.
This first part is a little gimmick-y compared to the next two, with new elements appearing almost every day. It’s because I relied a lot on the prompts (dog, milk, etc.) to keep things happening, eventually I move further away from them.
What is surprising to me is how much the art changes as the days go by especially within the span of one month. I did refine a few things to keep it more consistent but this is nearly indistinguishable from the original drawings.
I should also mention that my favourite aspect of this project was adding references to the game and subtle details (if you can find it all, awesome!!) This may have been done quickly but I like to have those things and put at least a bit of effort into the dialogue.
Part 2
Eventually I figured that drawing the same setting for 30 days straight would drive me insane, hence why this comic is split like it is. I’m glad I did because it makes the story a little more interesting, seeing the characters have different attitudes in different places and whatnot.
This one takes place in the cave directly after pt 1. Admittedly I do better drawing outdoor settings, it's what I'm used to, but the cave wasn't so bad to figure out.
I remember these two days I was streaming drawing the comic to my friends, so I kinda zoned out while we were talking lol
One of the prompts was about napping, so I made Dwarf sleep. I believe I was tired that day too and it was therapeutic to draw and include that. Also they look cute, I think.
18 & 19 have some of my favourite drawings in the comic. The campfire lighting is what we'd get if I had a bit more energy each day, and I like the perspective in the first panel of 19.
I find this last section interesting, because of all the 30 days, it’s the only one in Dwarf’s POV. I felt like it was fitting to do something like that at the time.
Part 3
Since we were approaching Halloween, I wanted to have a special part for it. It’s related to the other two parts but it takes place some time after. I’m really sorry it’s out of season, if it were up to me I would have had this post out earlier (thank my midterms for the delay)
Out of all the other parts this one is my favourite. Maybe because it’s more recent I’m inclined to think that way but it has some of my fave moments that I've written here.
Other than that I don't have much commentary for this part. More thoughts at the end!
I was caught up everyday atp, but I didn’t have much spare time to prepare for the ending (I wrote it the morning of that day). I think this is a decent conclusion though.
I intend on coming back to this story, maybe next year to make a continuation but we'll see what happens. There are definitely things that I want to come back to someday.
Thank you for making it this far btw. It's been an eventful month for me beyond this (Untitled) comic, but there wasn't a single aspect of this that I didn't enjoy doing. It's a silly project and I care about it.
Also, I'm not going to neglect the 31st of October! That day will get an illustration, where I will pick my favourite panel and redraw it. I want to take my time with this one so it's not out yet, but hopefully I can finish by Christmas.
#long post#stardew valley#sdv dwarf#krobus#sdv fanart#sdv#stardew valley dwarf#sdv krobus#stardew valley krobus#if you have thoughts on this comic feel free to share#i havent gone too into detail especially with the plot rn so i would love to discuss about it more if prompted
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Another thing I think makes AUs of tlt (specially modern day ones) is the near absolute inescapability of the situation and the sheer scale of the setting.
Because yeah, the ninth is a cult, but so is the whole nine houses, blood of Eden and any other anti empire factions are death sentences to anyone from Dominicus and one can hardly chose a planet at random and settle cut of from the rest of the universe.
Any scale down of the setting makes it a lot more difficult to keep the limited choices that keeps anyone in their situation, specially Gideon, because what's stopping her from picking a direction and walking to the next city over? Everything seems a lot more manageable so the writing needs to put in the extra effort
yess i have the exact same sentiments. if gideon and harrow are in, for example, vancouver, why cant gideon leave? whats the equivalent here of a nonagesimus shackle that she cant escape from? what is stopping gideon from taking a train out and leaving harrow forever? whats their experience like being maori in canada? how does gideons serfdom exist in this world - was she left on a doorstep or is she undocumented or did they let the reverend parents foster her? its a fantasy-scifi book duh a lot of things can be excused but if someone puts in a bit of effort to click those puzzle pieces together for a modern au i love them all the more for doing it
#its why i love sckl and yjah and gidsb so much all of them are in different settings but i can see how their environments affect the chars#talking back#tlt
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ok so i’m gonna ramble in sections
section 1: cgi moustache
FUCKING HILARIOUS like it was so bad it was funny HELP also buck’s hair was season 8 hair too it’s so funny like WHY did they reuse this HAHA
section 2: confession part 1
as short of a scene as it was, this was really nicely shot imo. and the tears in eddie’s eyes when he spoke like RYAN GUZMAN UR SO GOOD. but also how does buck (best friend) rank about girlfriend like hmmmmmmm
section 3: FUCKING ABBY
I CLOCKED IT I KNEW IT i know we always joke about 911 having continuity issues but THIS was such a good way to call back season 1 like insane writing tim minear and i love u for it
section 4: the divorce call
i wish they did more with this call like there was potential to call back to eddie/shannon but they didn’t. other than that i think honestly this is one of the grossest calls they’ve ever been on like genuinely icked the hell out of me with the guts like ugh gross
section 5: josh’s speech
as much as people hate on tommy, i do think josh’s explanation of things does give some sort of context to the way tommy acted in the past. like yeah racism and sexism is bad don’t get me wrong, but tommy did make an effort to change. it’s just that with society and his own work place back then, tommy prob had a lot of internalised homophobia that he expressed negatively outward to others (chim and hen in particular). but josh made a very good point with his speech about pre glee and post glee world (great reference, 10/10) and i think this was one of my favourite parts of this episode
section 6: confession part 2
ok first of all there was literally NO NEED to add that “im straight” “im celibate” part. like that was intentionally written into the script for something bcos that entire section could have been done without the sexuality mention. tim minear i see you. other than that FATHER BRIAN YOU ARE SPEAKING FACTS. my fav line he said was “but we can’t take care of others if we don’t first take care of ourselves”. bcos this is true!! and also a line used in therapy a lot cough. anyway i think the conversation eddie had with the priest was like a wake up call to eddie to start getting his head out of his ass and start working towards something. love this scene 10/10
section 7: brothers and pipes
most of this call was focused on the brothers part more than the well scene call back, tho there was a throw away line from bobby to eddie about how (eddie) wouldn’t fit this time. i do wonder if this happened irl would fire departments legally be authorised to allow children to help with rescues tho. otherwise honestly this was a very cute scene that helped chim get some introspection. i do wish there was more of a well scene call back tho :(
section 8: buck tommy breakup
as a buddie fan, i am overjoyed. but as a buck fan, i am devastated. tommy is actually one of my favourite love interests for buck, and its not just because he’s a dude and sexual awakening all that. i genuinely do think buck and tommy could have had a lot of potential if the show had decided to go through with it, but at the same time ending it here was also a relatively good note. i think in this relationship it wasn’t actually buck who wasn’t ready, it was tommy. tommy is afraid of things not working out in the long run bcos he doesn’t believe in buck’s affection for him being long term. this whole breakup was bcos tommy wasn’t ready imo. i do see the point tommy was trying to make but i also think it was a bit of a dick move to do the whole breakup immediately after buck asked tommy to move in with him. like the timing could have been better tommy. tommy being the one who decided to end things did surprise me tho. but now i feel really sad for buck bcos buck did like tommy a lot, and also as a queer person your first queer relationship is always going to mean a lot to you
section 9: MADNEY MADNEY MADNEY
HOLY MOTHER OF- i didn’t see this coming i didn’t but i am so here for it. the amount of trust and communication between chim and maddie is literal relationship GOALS like they lay out the boundaries and have healthy discussions about having another kid and it’s just so UGHHHH I LOVE YOU also maddie already being pregnant FJSJCKSK MORE BABIES
section 10: eddie, the moustache, and the dance
this. was. everything. the significance of shaving off the moustache. the dancing at the end?? no pants too was a choice. like when eddie flops back onto the couch and you see his smile, it’s like you truly see him deciding to finally forgive himself. maybe not completely, because there’s always going to be some guilt he carries around, but he’s moving forward and i’m so, so happy for him. it’s just a fun goofy feel good scene and i love love love this.
special mention: buddie and the couch
i actually think this is the first time both of them are on the couch together. like sitting next to each other with no one else. RETURN OF THE COUCH THEORY WELCOME BACK. ok but the ending scene?? the way they don’t even need words to communicate like- buck not even bothering to question why eddie doesn’t have pants, and eddie not even questioning why buck is here with beer in the first place. the level of mutual understanding has my HEART IN PIECES
overall this is honestly my fav ep this season and one of my fav eps of all time. i can’t wait to see how the story moves on from here ahhhhhhh
#911 abc#911#evan buckley#eddie diaz#911totd#rambling#s8#buddie#8x06#episode analysis#of sorts#chimney han#maddie han
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I had a very long conversation with Lord Lucifer about this after I had a debate with a friend over the ethics of ai. My position was that ai is just another poorly handled tool that we will inevitably learn to legislate and get used to. I believed that using ai for harmless stuff was neither here nor there. She believed that ai was a mistake and that anyone who values intellectualism or art should never use it.
My opinion has changed drastically. Ai is not a tool. While it may be nice to think that you’re not doing any harm by asking chatgpt a simple question, the amount of pollution that a single prompt produces is greater than boiling a whole kettle of water. Ai is used primarily to create misinformation, to confuse, and to abuse people’s right to privacy. Using chatgpt or similar programs for anything directly harms the planet and a whole lot of people you don’t know.
When you use ai for research, prayers or essays, you’re voluntarily doing a group project with an inferior partner that constantly lies to you. You will have to fact check and rewrite everything it gives you anyways. I promise you there is so so much value to learning and doing things yourself. My deities have outright strictly rejected anything I have offered them that had any involvement with ai. They not only demanded that I stop, they questioned why I felt the need to use it in the first place.
Me: I made a few prayers for you
Lucifer: wow cool, I hate them. They’re so ugly 😊
me: w… that’s so mean
Lucifer: Imagine how I feel. My own devotee can’t write me prayers himself.
But I CAN and I should.
Here’s what I wrote down from my conversation with Lucifer:
“I think the “trick” behind ai is evident in its name. You have people who do not understand what true intelligence is, selling “artificial intelligence “ to others who do not understand what intelligence is, with the belief that what they’re seeing is a display of it. Had AI been marketed as a language tool, an algorithm, a data synthesizer, perhaps it would not have been viewed as an authority on information. While I do not think that AI will eliminate critical thinking and media literacy, at least not totally, I believe it is contributing to the subtle shift in the definition of these words, “intelligent, professional”. In a world where anyone can access information, believing that access itself is understanding, we start to see the devaluing of the “professional”. The word of trained doctors and scientists becomes subordinate to the belief of the individual regardless of its source, because a so called “intelligent” machine provided it. So while I do not believe that AI will prevent people like you from learning and reading, I do believe that it will greatly devalue the wisdom of people like you, because the true intelligence of the scholar and professional that takes time and effort will be considered equal to, or even inferior to, this new “artificial intelligence” which is fast and efficient, requires no additional learning or practice. People like you will continue to think and learn, the real question is if the majority will believe you.”
If you’re reading this and thinking “oh shit I use ai all the time, I’m a bad person” no you are not. I also used ai, like A LOT, for writing. I now cannot in good conscience use it for anything. You’re allowed to make mistakes and do better in the future. You are smart and capable. You can learn to do things as we have been this whole time. You can stop today.
Death to AI today and forever.
"AI" offerings are the digital equivalent of leaving all yer trash on the ground after a ritual in a park, forest, etc.
Please research the environmental impact of those automated art theft image/text generators.
Artists have flooded the internet with free creative assets, tutorials, barter offers and free commission slots. Use them.
I assure you the Gods will be fuckin' thrilled for any offering that doesn't hurt Jörð for the creative chickenshittery of techbros.
#witchcraft#paganism#pagan#pagan witch#paganblr#offerings#deity work#deity worship#deity witchcraft#lord lucifer#lucifer deity#theistic luciferianism#demonology#demonolatry#ai
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I was listening to this podcast about aphantasia, which is people who can't visualize in their imagination, and I've always been so fascinated by the different ways that people think and how it's such a spectrum. I can visualize things in my imagination if I try but that is not the default way that thinking works for me. My thinking usually takes the shape of words, a constant narrative in the background, and, like I said, images are something that have to be a conscious effort on my part. I've always thought this makes sense because I'm a writer and words are my thing, but it occurs to me that no, probably other writers have a really rich visual imagery that they are trying to convey to you and this is why they have all these paragraphs of description. You may have noticed I don't have paragraphs of description. I almost never bother to imagine what the things I'm writing look like. I know, of course, what Pete and Patrick look like but I don't have a clear image of them in my head when I write and so I seldom exert effort to do a whole lot of detailed description unless I feel like it's a particular place in the narrative that really needs it. I only ever bother to "see" as much as I feel like I need to for any given scene. So anyway. If you were ever wondering why I don't have much description in my writing, that's why!
(Incidentally, thinking about this helped explain to me why I tend to skip descriptions when I'm reading them in books. My brain isn't going to envision it anyway, so I just consider them a little pointless. I skip over them to get to the good part. But if your brain works in images, I could see how the description is really important to you!)
Also, thinking is a spectrum. Some people can't visualize images at all, and then some people can visualize some, to some detail, and some people are always visualizing images, to lesser or greater detail, etc., etc., up to the end of the spectrum where people say they visualize so extensively that it's like a constant movie playing in their minds. On this podcast the phrase "it's like a movie in my head" was used so many times that it made me think...what did people think their imaginations were like before we invented movies and so they couldn't compare them to movies????? Or is it that people who invented movies were trying to capture what's in their imaginations????? It's like a chicken and egg problem!
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thinking about. i dont know how to phrase this really but. chloe and frank.
like. when Chloe killed Frank i (, personally,) feel like her guilt from it was less because she killed Frank, and More because she Killed Someone (and their dog).
but!!! thats not to say she didnt feel guilty for killing Frank. because she definitely did. because on some level. despite everything. despite all of his shitty behavior. a part of her still cared for him. that tiny 15-17ish year old part in her still cared for him.
because that 15-17ish year old with intense abandonment issues in her only had. a small handful of people in her life that actually cared for her, and when THOSE few people aren’t even doing the best job at it— it’s no shit that Chloe’s standards for Good Friends are going to be Immensely dropped.
and so. it’s kind of like what happened with Rachel, but WAY less intense. when she found someone who didn’t hate her, and was willing to hang around her—after so so long of people hating her and not wanting to be around her— it makes sense that part of her would kinda latch onto them a little bit.
and so, even after all of the shit she’s learned he did— even when Frank starts to hate her— even when he threatens Max and her’s lives— part of her keeps remembering him as one of the few guys who stuck around when no one else did.
it’s just that. no matter how bad the person— if you’ve known someone for years, and they were one of the only nice people to you in a town where theres like. four people that are nice to you— it’s gonna hurt if you kill them. even if it was self defense. even if it was entirely their own fault— even if you two aren’t on even remotely good terms anymore.
ESPECIALLY for such a sentimental person like Chloe. taking that in consideration it makes me wonder. maybe she didn’t feel bad for killing Frank. maybe she felt bad for killing the person Frank used to be to her. but maybe she realized that That Frank already died long ago.
but yeah. im mentally ill. take everything i said with a grain of salt considering it is 12:07 AM.
#my thoughts are a mixture of coherentness but also just enough of radio static that i cant write much of it out Correctly#but anyways dont you think it’s a little fucked that.#and maybe im reading it wrong but#like.#she really wanted to be friends with him in bts#she was really put that position#god idk#feel free to discuss about the whole. “chloe felt bad for killing Somebody not just frank” thing. that’s not something im 100% set in stone#with LOL. im open to other interpretations of it#that isnt to say the rest of this isnt open to discussion— but that part In Particular is#this post is mostly about how “frank was chloes friend” more than anything#it’s about how. out of the entire town. the shitty drug dealer is one of the guys who gives an actual shit about her#and about how. something happened in between BTS and LIS to make them hate eachother#like YES the 5000 dollar debt but that just CANT be it can it? was it rachel’s disappearance that destroyed them?#or did frank start declining after the whole dameon thing??? WHAT CHANGED THEM…..#anyways im sure im not the first to think of this and im ready to hear other peoples opinions on it#SCREAMING AND CRYING BC CHLOE IS LITERALLY SUCH A GOOD CHARACTER BUT PEOPLE ARE TOO MISOGYNISTIC TO SEE IT RAHGDHSGSHGA#if i had a nickel for every time i said “even” “despite” or “because” in this post i’d be rich#life is strange is a game about tragedy. and. misogyny.#ALSO TAKE IN CONSIDERATION. if u read this far.#that chloe likely met frank Before she was Really Truly convinced that there was zero hope for her to find somebody who cared for her#so it took a lot less effort for someone like frank to leave an imprint on chloe atp of her life.#and also partly why it was So Much More intense with rachel#hoping to god this is coherent#lis#life is strange#chloe price#frank bowers#rachel amber#…. i really doubt it will happen
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I hope this doesn't come across the wrong way but i recently reread the entire familiar au (its as amazing as always!) and its so impressive to see how far you have come as a writer especially compared to the new cult au its honestly pretty inspiring
Thank you! It's truly nice to hear that I've made progress. I mean, obviously - hopefully - I would have after all this time, but sometimes the improvement is hard to see when you're so close to it.
#answers#I've been tempted at times to just take down some of my really old stuff#Because I am very 😬 when I reread it#But I think it stands as a nice relic/testament to how I've grown as a writer#In that I only roll around in agony about 90% of the time reading current writing now as opposed 575% with the old stuff#It feels like I don't know what I'm doing at any given time#But presumably I've learned SOMETHING#And my writing is not The Worst™#Funny how the baseline changes as skill changes because it's hard to remember sometimes that yes#Skill has improved!!#I say as I stare at this document with severe doubts and worry and agony#Nothing like looking at a 5k doc and going 'yeah this is only halfway to the end at BEST'#There is so much more yet to complete#Also super nice to hear that the cult thing is good to read#It's got a lot more visuals than my usual so I'm pushing my comfort zone#I am Not A Visual Person so that takes some Effort#All of these tags have been very navelgazing so here's a fun fact#If *I* can get better at writing by doing it for a long time#YOU can do it TOO and BETTER#It just takes - again - a lot of writing to get there
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Hello to the Buddyfight fandom it's been a hot minute but god do i miss this show and have been making fanart for it in the background so i thought i'd post to tumblr too ^^
I swear every year I end up coming back to this show and wishing that it kept going, that it got rebooted, that i could just erase my memories of this show and just watch it all over again from the beginning to enjoy everything once again from Tasuku's own sense of justice twisting against him to Gao's suffering of PTSD and how heartfelt it was handled.
There's something very special about this show that I haven't been able to find replicated elsewhere. It has the most perfect world to exist (so much so that i'd love to be isekai'd into it if i could!!!) and while i have my own gripes with it (hi S3+) i honestly sometimes wish i could go back to my high school years of watching this show just to relive it all again :'D
Anyways!!! I hope there's still people out there who enjoy this show even ten years later who'll like seeing new funny artwork for it!
I wanna add too that i'm hoping to create a rewrite of FCBF (ft. seasons 1-3 + Ace) or at least create more artwork for my interpretation of it and its world!
Because, sincerely, this show is one of the few that, for all its flaws, hasn't disappointed me in the years that've followed unlike many other things i've seen and i wanna try to keep the spirit of it alive while I can thanks to that. And if there are any fans still in existence who love it, i wanna provide some food while its once again in my orbit because damn do i adore this show <3 <3 <#
#it's been like a year but im back on my buddyfight kick again#and since im back feeling dejected about OC things again i might try and focus on buddyfight stuff for a bit :Dc#fcbf#future card buddyfight#buddyfight#Deathgaze Death Dragon#Noboru Kodo#Tasuku Ryuenji#Gao Mikado#Drumbunker Dragon#Sawblade Dragon is a funny little critter I made as part of Tasuku's deck in my AU that im writing#and the other two monsters you can just barely see in the last image are Gallows/a Buddy I gifted Sofia#because tbh Sofia really needed a Buddy#specifically a Star Dragon World one#though as of this point in my AU she doesn't have her Star Dragon buddy bc it doesn't “Exist” yet ofc#middlemost image is also an old art thing but a headcanon thing for those mystery kids bc i like them despite not being a fan of-#Sofia/Tasuku all that much (tho had more effort gone into the writing behind them i probably would have liked them tbh lol)#I mean who doesn't like the idea of a guy who was at her side specifically and worked with her to achieve the bad guys goals#ends up watching his precious Buddy be attacked by her which is what snaps him out of his corrupted mental state to finally realize he's in#the wrong#& then when he later meets her as enemies he suffers cognitive dissonance of both loathing and respect towards her which culminates in him-#holding a personal vendetta towards her while also recognizing her efforts as a former ally who helped him during his Disaster days#and so when he gets to the future and has to rely on her help and guidance he has to confront the fact they're two sides of the same coin#& that she's neither an ally nor enemy but a mirror to himself of what he could've been if he'd decided to take action outside of the law#i mean#there was a LOOOOOOT of missed potential between Tasuku & Sofia if the show really wanted to go down the route of implying they end up a-#couple in canon (ESPECIALLY compared to Tasuku/Gao where it's clear Tasuku cares deeply about Gao and doesn't give a damn about Sofia)#and idk i felt we were robbed of a lot of things that could have given chemistry between Sofia and Tasuku
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if i hear one more pro-ai take i fear i may start exploding people with my brain
#for legal reasons im not gonna explode anyone#but i am gonna be extremely pissed off#i think the thing that pisses me off the most about pro ai people is this sense of entitlement i see from a lot of people#like “oh well this person posted their art/writing/creativity online#so therefore the ai (and by extension me) is entitled to be able to use it”#like its not the same at all as looking at another creators work and getting inspired#or when youre learning how to shape your style#its just taking other people’s work and passing it off as your own#like i get it sometimes youre not as good as you want to be or the motivation isnt there and you just want your ideas out there NOW#but you know what you do then?#you. fucking. practice.#if you don’t care enough to put in the effort to actually make your ideas rather than stealing for other creatives?#then i dont care at all about what you “create”#(obviously im not shaming people for being unable to put in effort due to any multitude of reasons—such as disability lack of time etc)#but even then that doesnt mean you have to resort to stealing from other people#because thats what ai is. theft. simple as that.#generative ai just makes me so fucking angry#fuck ai#anti ai#anti ai art#stop ai#fuck ai art#down with ai#fuck ai everything#fuck ai writing#fuck ai all my homies hate ai
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Found a very cool pastel cat sweater at the bins but I have literally nothing that matches it well, so I always struggle to make outfits with it lol
#ootd#pastel#I really really want to SELL CLOTHES I keep talking about selling clothes.. its just such a process..hhhhhhh#Because you have to take pictures. edit the pictures. list them somewhere. write descriptions. choose a price. advertise the fact you listed#it somewhere. Repeat with literally hundreds of items (since I get bulk clothes at the bins and etc.). I have a lot of cool stuff that I thi#nk people into similar styles would want to buy. and I always need money to fund art and healthcare expenses and eventually moving to a diff#erent place someday. replacing broken electronics. etc. etc. So a wise decision is 'well sell a lot of the old clothes you have'. It is so#difficutl with my specific functioning issues though since it's such a long process and also packing things up. taking them to the post offi#ce etc. takes timing since I always have to be driven by roomates and stuff. etc. etc.#I think the way I was considering getting around this was to sell clothing in 'packs' like.. A pack of 5 or 6 matching items the same shade#of pink. or all green items with flowers so it's the same 'nature theme'. Or even selling full outfits or something. so that way I can kind#of bundle items. Instead of the effort of photograohing and listing literally 50 individual items. Turn them into 5 packs of 10. Or 10 packs#of 5. etc. ? But I think I never got too far with that because I was uncertain how that'd actually go over in terms of whether people would#buy groups of items instead of just individual. Especially whole outfits or something like. I think you'd get a wider audience giving people#more individual choice to choose seperate things instead of putting them together and going 'this is just what you get' or etc.#but I could also see it being cool. You already have some guaranteed stuff that matches. They have a theme. Especially if it's something you#like. Love brown themed mori kei items? here's 5 of them already together. etc. etc. etc.#ANYWAY. Came to mind because as much as I love anything with cats on it that's a light color. I also am chronically warm natured due to my#health issues so I overheat immensely if I wear sweaters. even in the winter I don't wear that many layers lol. So a sweater like this is ju#st impratical for me outside of taking one or two outfit photos with it. but I don't think I could ever actually wear it even if I really wa#nt to. But it's nice! and very cool!! so a good candidtate for selling. Give it to someone who would be happier to have it than I would in#the sense that maybe they could actually WEAR it lol.#ANYWAY... rhgh#everything......... difficult.......... whye#Also sweater is too hot for me and doesn't match anything I own even though it's perfect and I love cats..... whye....... cruele world#self
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I'm reading Unmasking Autism and not to self-diagnose but something's wrong
#Ana talk to your therapist about taking an autism evaluation test challenge#I am a psychologist. I can recognize symptoms. And yet when it comes to me I find a thousand excuses#Right now I'm dying to write a report on clinical psychology. It's going to be pretty complete and dive into a lot of concepts#Not because I like to write things that take a lot of effort but because of base up thinking. An autistic trait.#Not on me though. That's just me being nerdy and quirky 🤪
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> posts a fic i'm proud of about dark subject matter to do with five and his abuse, which came from a very personal place, on AO3
> gets a comment
> it is, Course, a hate comment from an anti, demanding on anon to know why i would 'spend my value as a writer who's read Legacies' to write it
> roasts their ass like a thanksgiving turkey and immediately goes to write more of the thing
#LL tag#antis cw#the entitlement is unreal and it Will get you made fun of sorry#like for one thing first and foremost my art is for me; unless i am specifically writing something as a gift for someone else#which i do when i do it because it brings me joy#but also i do find happiness; joy; and fulfillment in posting art that i made for myself; and it being meaningful to other people#i've got LL fics that are ten years old that people still mention having loved now and then; and that i still get kudos on#and it is so humbling in the best way; i cannot express how much my opinion on it is not 'lol go fuck yourselves i don't care'#.......BUT. your 'value' as a writer/artist/etc in fandom is not something you '''spend'''#you are a *person* who shared your time and effort and a little part of your soul#that nourishes people it resonates with; until they have enough left over to maybe share some of theirs right back#a fandom that is good for you and treating you decently will leave you with more of yourself to share; not less#the value you are bringing to a fandom is *you*#what your value to the fandom is *not* is#'someone who's read the thing i like; puts words on paper; and is therefore categorically capable of making content for me to consume'#'and ONLY content for ME to consume'#'if you write anything i don't want to read you are personally taking food out of the mouths of me and my starving children'#writers and artists in fandom are not ATMs for the fandom to leave empty#and if anyone tries to treat you like one they're an entitled weirdo who's actively dehumanizing you & i advise you to drop their ass & run#anyway i just have a lot of thoughts about the subject and i am grateful to people in fandom who aren't Like This#whereas anon can use the block button or cry themself to sleep at night every time i post another fic about five being an abuse survivor#the salt files#abuse mention cw#grooming mention cw
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I was planning to build new desktop this fall, but seeing that the winter half year practically chains me to bed making me incapable of sitting up I took some of my savings to get a laptop so I can have it in bed for drawing, writing etc at least. And so I'll save back up the coming months and build it once spring arrives instead (hopefully component prices has gone down then too)
All that to say I can only eat my hands as I catch glimpses of dawntrail news after having been ffxiv-less since july last year. my abstinence is out the roof
#that being said i am admittedly a little bit nervous about returning now that its been so long#i played without break from 2014 til 2020 and then its been on an off between 2020 and 2022#and then since then i havent had the means to play#like on one hand i dont dare looking too much into ffxiv happenings cause my abstinence grows worse#and on the other i worry that ill feel weird coming back#because returning from past breaks have felt weird#which admittedly might be because i dont allow myself to take my time and enjoy things but rather rush to catch up#but whenever i can play im just gonna take all effort possible to not rush and potentially even do things on my own#rather than feel stressed by not slowing down others#im glad for the increased single player options tbh#at the same time the break has done me good cause i feel like im further away from making those mistakes#and having a lot to catch up with before being up to date might be good for me#finding hobbies outside ffxiv has done me good too#my relationship to it wasnt the healthiest as it was my sole lifeline during horrific and traumatic years#but now ive been able to play tons of other games again and read books and draw more and write more than ever#and done more irl things again even finishing one type of education#so honestly? i think itll be fine#i dont have to feel bad over my relationship with the game evolving into a different form#i still love it immensely and its had a profound impact on my life as a whole#both in terms of friends and creativity and also significant other#anyway that got longer and rantier and more personal than i first intended#peace signs and sparkles
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Throwing in fun (not fun) facts to contribute esp bc I was tagged in the essay: (Sorry in advance this is literally my career and special interest AND I just got back from a training conference about this SO obv I am going to talk too much. Disclosure: These statistics are from peer-reviewed sources AND the National Children's Alliance. The NCA IS an American association, though, so take this all with a grain of salt bc we're applying it to someone whose bg is not American lmao. This is an essay for funsies. CW: discussion of and stats about CSA, Child Abuse) Relevant to the Jo stuff is also that victims of one/any kind of abuse are statistically much more likely to subsequently face overlapping abuse, so knowing he comes from a home where abuse and potential neglect was actively occurring sets Jo-boy up for some sad statistics. I am looking for my notes on the stats for that but it's something stupid high, I wanna say over 30 or 40%.
Additionally, 47%~ of CSA victims are revictimized. Abysmal statistic but mostly just an interesting note if this IS the case/if we choose to interpret Jo this way bc of the other things mentioned in Masu's ask, specifically if we're viewing his unhealthy and ultimately traumatic relationship with Ikumi as a potential example of that revictimization (similarly, coming from a like background, it may have been revictimizing for Ikumi if she had ever experienced something like CSA, as well. It's one of those cases where they both got hurt even if neither of them were at fault for "playing house" as Jo calls it).
Seconding/Adding on to Masu's thoughts about Jo's behavior being as self-destructive as it is because of the compounded trauma of his life, victims of adolescent abuse "engage in health-risk behaviors such as substance use, physical fighting, and risky sexual activity," in far higher numbers than non-victims. We know for facts that adolescent Jo checks at least 2 of those 3 boxes, and that he still puts himself in unnecessary danger as a full grown adult (the Heian Tower fight, and Hoshino's Office fight): An interesting and well-written cycle of trauma and abuse on RGGs part, tbh, but also so narratively telling about how he saw/sees/continues to see himself as more an object than a person. (Love your notes on that btw, it rings very true. I could write an essay on that alone tbh.)
Another weird little thing I notice from both a Doyalist AND Watsonian perspective: Jo's disclosure of his father's abuse would classify as what we call an "accidental disclosure" in the field even though it's clearly intentional that he shares it with Ichi - it's offhanded and markedly unimportant in the story he's telling. He says it passively in a literary sense, as well: "The only thing waiting for me at home was my father's fists." Like homie, that's the most roundabout way you could have said "My dad beat me." Interestingly, up to 50% of [specifically CSA] victims do not state outright that abuse occurs, but disclose it accidentally/offhandedly; and in general, accidental disclosure is more common among people who have also delayed disclosure. Up to 66% of admissions from victims of child abuse come delayed if they come at all.
I think it's a very in-character remark of him to make, but statistically, it lines up with other victims of abuse as a whole. I think it's also just cool that from the Doyalist perspective, writing his lines in this way was intentional. It's part of the whole "Everything Jo says sounds like it could mean more than one thing" thing. He speaks poetically - it's intentional not just for the character but for the writer.
Okay, I'm done for now I'm sorry I just wanted to throw some added stuff into the convo bc I love applying my everyday usage of adolescent-focused trauma care and pysch shit to blorbos and seeing what sticks. Anyway, I also have a shit ton of thoughts on Masumi Arakawa as an abuse survivor but THATS another essay I won't dig into now. If I am still in your good graces after this long ass spiel I will consider it not only amazing but perhaps even cool as hell.
[ continuity of this ask ]
#long post#cw csa#its related im keeping it LMAO#snap chats#love the implication that you'd be 'out of my good graces' for sending this LMAO NO YOURE FINE WHY WOULD I BE MAD#i wouldve chewed out masu at this point if that were the case i enjoy readin these#the thing is we just have to accept im very stupid and wont have a lot of commentary. just quiet note taking#and i very much do appreciate posts like these cause its a nice reminder for things im aware of but have become very passive to#like jo's passive exposure of his traumas is something im aware of and because of that i dont focus on it as much as i should#so thank you- to you and masu for writing as extensively as you do#again im just very dumb so i wont have anything else to add on that hasnt been already said#or it wont be anything i can just sit and write in a couple of minutes its something thatd prob take a while to write as in-depth as i want#which is why i feel bad for responding. Not At All with these types of asks LMAO CAUSE EVIDENTLY a lot of effort is done by you guys#and i appreciate it a lot so thank you again for writing in#arakawa as an abuse survivor is something i think of a lot and remembering his abuse as a child shines light on his actions and mentality#so i mean if you wanna share your thoughts on that go ahead ! just know. i prob will Also not have a lot to add on to it LMAO#LIKE THE BEST WAY I CAN INTERPRET MY LINGUISTIC INEPTITUDE IS JUST ME LISTENING my sister tells me i listen really well#and i do enjoy listening. because again im not smart enough to think of things on my own or i dont think its worth sharing some things#so always happy to read whatever you want to share
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Hell yeah automatic renewal on my library book
#I'm only half way through#turns out taking detailed notes takes a damn long time#especially when you're essentially transcribing the entire book into a bullet point format#girl i need this information and the book has to go back so I'm writing the whole damn thing down#plus it helps me actually absorb the information when i have to read every sentence 2-3 times and also write it myself#learning about the neuroscience of human communication 👍#having actual mechanical knowledge of complicated concepts like my own consciousness makes it easier to troubleshoot and resolve issues#it's like “hey when you're experiencing this emotion here's what's happening and why and how you can slowly change that reaction”#i wasn't born with the intuitive understanding of emotional connection allistic people apparently have#but I've always been a powerhouse in the classroom#i have full confidence in my ability to absorb information and to learn to apply it appropriately in various situations#i have the pattern recognition to tell when someone's feeling a way with pretty good accuracy#Chinese dramas are really good for studying facial expressions and emotion because they do a lot of acting with their eyes#my main problem is not having the mirror neurons that simulate the emotions of other people in my own brain#so i have the information and i understand what it means#but i also can't help thinking it's odd to feel that way because only the data comes across and not the emotion itself#but if i get a detailed enough understanding of human behavior i think i can make up for that#and with enough applied effort over time i might be able to build those networks in my own brain on purpose#bc it's not like I'm fully missing them#when someone in a show or book is sad i do cry#but i think my defenses are up too high in person to let anything through#i have noticed increased understanding and something like empathy developing lately#still not feeling the feelings but i can recognize and accommodate them which is a lot better than i used to be
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