#No spoilers pls I'm still in act 1

[larkoneironaut]

My wood elf bard Nyctea who likes to donate blood from time to time 🖤

[ohtmlk]

karlach dreaming of being able to pet the pets :'(

[tethrarisms]

I wanna top Astarion and bottom Karlach 😔

[not-poignant]

I've played 60+ hours of BG3 so far and I've only got one character and I'm still in Act 1, and I'm already level 6.

So yeah I guess that's how I play. I just treat everything like the Hinterlands in DAI and I'm thorough.

[justsomegeek]

So the silly dnd game is fun, even if Anatheia the dragonborn ranger is only having a terrible time.

[outmakingmoonshine]

I wrote this reply a few weeks ago about the 773 tattoo on Carmy's arm that really looks like 223. You'll have to read that first because I'm not gonna explain it all again here and you'll need context to understand this post.

SPOILERS below if you haven't watched to the end of S3 yet

Right before this in Marcus's mum's funeral scene he's talking about having someone who really listen to you and pays attention to you and the camera does a not so subtle zoom in on SydCarmy's faces. Then the next scene is this one where Syd says she made the margins wider on the menus because Carmy always writes in them. We already know Carmy pays close attention to Syd and he does really listen to her even though it's like he gets amnesia right after and does the opposite of what she wanted, he does really try to listen and understand her in his own way. This an example of Syd really paying attention to Carmy immediately after being told how significant it is and how good it makes you feel. Carmy looked shocked that she paid attention to him and went out of her way to do something thoughtful for him and said "That's really nice. Thank you." Then Carmy goes on to do a checklist of the things they both need which also showed he knows her too.

Keeping the number meta above in mind, I'm not sure who first mentioned this (pls link the post if anyone knows so I can credit them) but sydcarmy both represent the number 2. In the post above I spoke about when the two 2's (sydcarmy) face each other and finally turn to take notice of each other. I'm pretty certain this scene was a small glipse of what their future together would be like if sydcarmy did face each other without anything or anyone coming between them. They become a cohesive unit, working together as one just like they were in this scene. Sydcarmy are mirrors of each other in many ways, just like the twos are mirroring each other on the clock behind them. I know one is technically a 5 but visually it's a 2 backwards and how else would they symbolize two 2's facing each other on a digital clock? Imo these numbers in this scene represent this moment being a good thing and a glimpse of what they could be, plus the whole scene gave me strong married couple vibes.

In numerology 9 represents completion/the end. The next number, 10, begins the cycle from 1 again or you could say it evolves, moves forward and keeps growing. 9 has other asociations but the core foundational meaning of it is completion. It's telling us in the end they will face each other and balance each other out, mirror each other. "Mirroring is an act of love." If that number sequence in the background of this specific scene isn't positive SydCarmy foreshadowing idk what is. This scene, the context, subtext and symbolism in it alone lets me know the sydcarmy love story and endgame is still very much on track. We're just taking a detour for now, like 99% of will-they-wont-they ships do right before the end of the story.

This shot showed directly after a Carmy/Claire opening scene in 3x05 and Carmy was laying in bed staring at it in some of the darkest blue lighting I think we've seen in the show.

I think this may even be a few shades darker than the sex scene with Claire. Imo it's because Carmy's in his darkest place now, he knows how he feels and who he wants but he can't have it. Carmy metaphorically turned to face Syd in the panic attack scene then fully turned, paid attention and listened to her in the table scene. Now he's somewhat aware of his feelings for her, tbh I think he does know but he's avoiding it because he's in a really dificult situation with Claire and he already let Syd down again after promising to be there for her. He doesn't love Claire romantically but he doesn't wanna hurt her either He's just stuck which is what I think this season was about, Carmy's still mentally and emotionally stuck in the freezer. Carmy said saying sorry to Claire was too hard and I think that's because he knows he has to tell her he doesn't feel the same way and it's gonna hurt her. We keep seeing cute flashbacks with Claire but I don't think it's because he misses her, I think it's because he feels really guilty that he lead her on so much because that's what the scenes were showing. He was acting all loved up with her and it's interesting that we the audience/Carmy never saw that last season and we're only seeing now it in hindsight. Remember the show is telling us the story through Carmy's eyes.

I said in the post above I initially thought the number 3 represented Claire and/or Marcus, but in 2x08 Carmy (2) asked Richie (3) to be the "go-between" and give Syd (2) an I love you note, literally putting the three in the middle of the two 2's so it made sense it probably represented him at the time.

And maybe it does, idk, he's been getting between them since S1 in one way or another, directly or indirectly. But it more likely represents anyone that comes between them. The third wheel so to speak.

Notice how the 2's aren't facing each other here in 2x08 because this was before Carmy faced what Syd means to him in 2x09.

And you may be wondering if the mirroring numbers represent how sydcarmy end up why isn't Carmy's tattoo 753? Well 753 isn't the chicago area code so it would raise questions why Carmy had a random tattoo of 753 so I think it was a choice to keep the symbolism but keep it subtle.

I didn't expect s3 to feel this bad (I should've tbh, this show always makes you feel the most) but I didn't expect it to go well for sydcarmy. That's why I posted this post the day before the episodes aired reminding everyone what the show told us to expect. They did warn us this wasn't gonna be a mushy gooey love story. It's not gonna be cute and sweet, it's gonna be ballbreaker and that's what Carmy's doing to Syd. He's doing to her what the NY Chef did to him. He's already making her sick, making her have panic attacks and he knows he's a "bad boss". He glanced her way when they were talking about it at the table in 3x10. When I saw Carmy confront NY Chef, for a moment I thought they were gonna have Carmy say the same to Syd one day in the future (this is how bad the whole situation felt while watching the show, it was truly horrible to watch) but I really don't think so. Carmy doesn't want to be anything like that arrogant guy so I can only imagine he'd be the complete opposite with Syd (someone he genuinely cares about) when he finally pulls his head out of his ass, metaphorically gets out of the freezer and faces the situation he's in like Cicero told him you have to run straight into it, you can't avoid it.

Even though this season was very hard to watch I think the same amount of subtext, symbolism and metaphors that pointed to sydcarmy in the last seasons is still all there. It's just more difficult to see, especially after 1 watch because there were barely any scenes that seem good for them on a surface level, they all went to Carmy/Claire. But underneath the surface a lot of the scenes imply good things are still to come for sydcarmy imo.

[meeludrawz]

you're so nice :(( I'll have some soup today, dw!! Still sick, unfortunately WHEN WILL THIS ENDDD

on another note, ACT I SEASON 2 OF ARCANE DROPPED AND I'M SO HYPED

have you perchance ever thought about making skz smaus 👀 IF NOT, THEN WHATEVER CHARACTER YOU WANT FROM ANYTHING, TOOTH ROTTING FLUFF IS MY ONLY REQUEST ☔

AAAAAAAA FR ARCANE SEASON 2 PLS NO SPOILERS, I only recently started watching season 1 (Ik ik shame on me, lol) Not really :/ Plus I'm not confident enough into 'playing' them

BUT I REMEMBER THAT U LIKE DENKI AND DABI AND THOUGHT ABOUT MAKING IT A LIL BIT SILLY TO MAKE U FEEL BETTER <33

DENKI KAMINARI

TOUYA TODOROKI

I hope you like and recover soon Rainyy <3

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Bonus- Chapter 32

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Yes it is 8 am and yes I am eating chicken gnocchi soup for breakfast. I stand that soup is and always will be a breakfast food.

No hot drinks today! This wedding required a feast :'3

I can't believe this is it! The series finale if you will.

I have been waiting 32 chapters for this moment. at last!!!

This man (SQQ) has been sleeping with this other man for what- months(?) years(?) at this point and he is STILL over here totally bewildered at the fact that LBH does not want to marry a woman. p355

This is kind of sweet though. I'm so glad Cang Qiong Mountain sect has embraced these two absolute weirdos. I love that they can visit now! It warms my romantic heart that they can travel for a while and then come "home" for a time. p355

omg these two are so embarrassing. The way in which LBH is asking him to marry him is so awkward. p359

oh no, now I feel like an asshole because LBH was SO NERVOUS the days leading up to him asking. (granted totally fair with how SQQ acts towards him/about their relationship- I too would not know if he wanted to actually marry me or not in this situation). I just want to pinch LBH's cheeks though, why is he so cute. p360

aaaaaah- this is so cute. SQQ being actually happy about him asking instead of trying to gaslight himself and side step his feelings or "reluctantly" agreeing to marry LBH pp360-361

my heaaaaaaaart LBH's confession pp362-363

The fact that LBH had wedding outfits ready. I need to know two things; 1. where/how did he get them and 2. how long has he had them and had this planned. p363

I truly don't know if MXTX has written a tender sex scene. Why does it always have to be a little traumatic? Granted I have only read SVSSS and MDZS BUT both of these series have either uncomfortable (SVSSS) or just have freak4freak energy (MDZS-but I will take this over crying and bleeding) there's never something soft and lubed. I hope that TGCH has something (no spoilers pls) but my bar is so low. (okay but wangxian was fine for the most part- they just were also dry and mutually unhinged). pp366-367

NO LOL the wife-ing of SQQ. p370

Okay okay- the ending was so sweet. The little shy embarrassed SQQ calling Binghe husband and him pretending not to hear. My headcanon is that eventually over time SQQ feels less and less embarrassed, works through his internalized homophobia, and learns to say what he actually feels more often. Even without my hopes and dreams, I still think this ending was such good character growth for SQQ.

Holy shit we did it!

Thank you to everyone who joined me on this reading journey. It has been so fun getting to read the books along with you and talk about the experience.

I am a little bit sad that it is over :'3

I do however, now have a pile of fanfic to start working through and am so stoked to continue this journey via fan works. Thank you, thank you to everyone who sent me fics to read!!

In terms of what is next- I will likely spend some time reading SVSSS fanfic- if I get to a point where like Wangxian, I have hundreds of fics in my collection, I may start recing Bingqiu!

BUT in terms of danmei, I am hoping to read TGCF next and round out my MXTX collection (likely end of December start)!

This has been such an amazing experience that I will continue to live blog future danmei series :)

Thank you thank you again!

[cr33p-a-z01d]

☆ intro post :3

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

if u haven't read this in a while probably read it again lololol

post limit status: freee

online status: mostly offline

personal status: I might be reading frerard fanfic I might be sleeping who knows

album I'm obsessed with atm

pinterest ~ spotify ~ spacehey (wip but I'm getting there)

^my face is my spotify pfp if u wanna see wat I look like x3

☆ about me :D ☆

hiii!! I'm ryan or spencer :3 if ur one of my mutuals and you know me as mikey u can still call me that btw! but if your new call me ryan or spencer pretty please :)

my pronouns are he/bat/vamp or anything along those lines neos wise!!

MINOR!!!!!!!

I'm single </3

byf: pls use tone tags I have rlly hard with tone over text :,)), once again I am a MINORRRR so pls pls pls don't be weird I am very trigger happy with the block button

also if ur 18+ idrc if u interact but pls don't try and be friends with me or anything. once again, very trigger happy with the block button

i post/reblog rpf sometimes!! I have no reason other than I like to see boys be gay with eachother idk

also I sometimes reblog blood/gore amd suggestive things! I try to tag it as much as I can but if I forget just tell me and I will add it :))

i support palestine ��🇸 from the river to sea palestine will be free 🇵🇸🇵🇸

also I vent on here A LOT. mostly about my family issues, sh, and my bpd. I take all of that with #ryan experiences the horrors so pllsssss block that tag if u don't wanna see that

i also use girl, dude, bro, etc, gender neutrally so if ur uncomfy with that just say so! I try to make my blog as comfortable for everyone as possible!!

dni: not rlly anything if ur an asshole I'll block u end of story.

:3c

☆ interests/hyperfixations ☆

mcr <333

cobra starship :3

ANY decaydance band I lovee themmmm

faith the unholy trinity (I LOVE FAITH TALK TO ME ABOUT FAITH)

creepypastas

homestuck (a little bit I've only finished act 1 so no spoilers pretty please 🙏)

☆ fav albums/artists ☆

my chemical romance (duh), cobra starship (no i dont support gabe saporta), taking back sunday, she wants revenge, joy division, type o negative, sleeping with sirens, the used, dead kennedys, rage against the machine, frank and gerards solo stuff :3

I like too much music someone kill me....

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

i am a huuugggeee nerd about all the shit I'm interested in. I know more mcr facts than is sane probably lmao

ask me for music recs!!! I love talking about music and getting people into the stuff I like sooo agaratfsysg

im a vampirekin! I don't talk about it a lot but I am one so sometimes I go on vampire posting sprees lolz

ask me about the artists I like!!! I love talking about art styles and just all that good crap

im a huge horror buff pretty please talk to me about horror it is literally some of my favorite shit EVER (some of my favs are scream, the mandela catalogue, saw, the walten files, MARBLE HORNETS <333, everymanhybrid, etc etc)

send me asks!! I love yapping ^_^

also I don't bite I promise!! send me asks and dms whenever u like!! I love making new friends and am rlly bored most of time so I rlly have nothing better to do :,)

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

i don't really have a tag system bc I change them up a lot but the main ones I use are

#shut up ryan - my posts

#ryan answers things - asks

#ryan experiences the horrors - < block that bc it's my vent tag

˗ˏˋ꒰𖦹｡📸⋆°✰꒱ ˎˊ˗

blinkies/graphics!!!!

these BEAUTIFUL things made by my super duper awesome mutual @rip-my-heart-out-and-eat-it <3333

bye bro :)

[lettingtimepass]

I WAS AT THE NERDY PRUDES SHOW WHERE THEY LOST POWER!!!

Here is my spoiler-free recounting!

After over a decade of being a Starkid fan, I traveled 3,000 miles to see Nerdy Prudes!! (The date just happened to align with a trip I was planning.) It was so surreal being in the theater! I saw Producer!Dylan and Corey L. running around with their headsets. Then right before the show started I saw Joe Moses and Tessa walk in. Also two rows ahead of me was someone in a Spiderman hat... I was like... Is that Nick Lang? No... why would he be in the middle of the audience? Later I found out I was right 😂

For context, it was raining really hard in LA and the streets were flooding. LA is not used to rain so they're not well equipped to deal with it.

Act 1 went great and then shortly after Act 2 started, BAM, the lights went off. Everyone froze. The person in the light booth said "We've just lost power." Then, Nick Lang stood up and said, "It's going to be okay everyone, we'll figure this out." And he left to help the staff. But for a good minute or so the entire audience thought it was a bit and couldn't tell if this was part of the show or not! But after a few minutes we were like holy shit this is actually happening. It took maybe half an hour or so but we were back up and running and everyone was so hype cheering on the actors when they came back on stage.

Then, during the final song, on what sounded like the final NOTE, the lights went off again. You could hear a reaction from the actors-- I can't imagine how upset they must have been in that moment! But the entire audience erupted in cheers and instantly gave a standing ovation. After the crowd calmed down a bit Nick came back out and was like "Yeah...... That actually wasn't the ending. There are two minutes left." And we freaked out 😂 They had us wait for a few minutes, but then they decided to call it. In the words of Nick, "You're the lucky audience who gets to see this show with a happy ending!" 😳😳 So yeah - I still don't know the ending. I'm going to have to buy the digital ticket so I can see the ending and also get the full experience uninterrupted. I can't wait for the YouTube version!

SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT - Updated!

I think everyone's favorite part was the LORDS IN FREAKING BLACK!!! AHHHHH!!! JON AS HUMAN!WIGGLY was perfect! Also was he giving Onceler/TumblrSexyMan energy? 🤔 Can't wait to see how it looks on the YouTube version!

I loved Jon's anime nerd character. It was so damn good. The collective "Nooooooo" when the audience realized his death was imminent 😭😂

The parallels between Abstinace Camp and NPMD are very fun to me. "IT WAS GIRL JERI THAT DIRTY GIRL!"

DIRTY DIRTY GIRL WON'T YOU PRAY FOR MEEE?

Max's pronunciation of "skel-a-in" 😭 I need the story of how he decided on that or if it was written into the script?!

The Barbeque Monologues?! And that song? Jeff Blim pls. Lauren is a master through.

Someone pointed out that all the Hatchetfield shows have in-world productions: Working Boys, Santa Clause is Going to High School, and The Barbeque Monologues. Idk what this means, but it is a nice touch for worldbuilding.

The little musical reference to Nightmare time!!

I keep thinking about how Rob M fumbled the Starkid bag 😬 But Joey did such a great job as Pete! For some reason it feels like a full-circle moment between MAMD and "Joey Richter" with him playing the nerdy character 😊

Anglea was freaking fantastic as Grace. I just love her voice and how she makes it go so high it cracks! And Curt and Kim playing her parents was so good.

There's something so funny about Angela's characters being so different - Lex vs Grace - and the fact that they would hate each other 😂 Can Angela please play both of them interacting?!

Kim freaking Whalen!!!! I love her so much.

I LOVE seeing Corey and Mariah playing father and daughter again (but it's a very different dynamic than TGWDLM).

LOVE LOVE LOVE evil/slimly dirtbag Corey. HE'S SO FINE!!

I missed seeing Jeff and James on stage - I wonder if Jeff's chaotic energy would have been too much with the horny teenagers hahaha. But James would have fit right in! Oh well, we can't have them all in every show, unfortunately.

Gotta say I didn't expect them to say "Nerdy Prudes Must Die" so many times in the show 😂

The last song having pop-punk vibes?!

Anddd...... the last scene...... (yes I finally got to see it!) GRACE KEPT THE BOOK!!! Did she say "every perv must die"? Yeah, that's gonna be a lot of people on her list... Also very similar to the end of Abstinence Camp! This isn't going to go well.......

[beltransadie]

Small tidbits about my Still Into You 2ha animatic

Coz it's April, exactly one year from now was when I started completing it and I'm in the mood now. + I don't think I made a proper one + it won the twitter poll

Check it out if you're interested... or not! I just want to dump my thoughts and fun facts that I thought of while making this.

To preface this, check them out if you haven't seen it yet: (Still Into You & Please Don't Leave Me)

If you've been hanging around my blog for a while, it's kinda evident that I did post a promo post for Still Into You back in January 2023. And that first part does have an in-depth explanation about what it covers (which is from the start to the first chorus).

If you're wondering why: TL;DR I can't work on An Act of Kindness coz I was back home from school for vacation and I thought of the idea during a trip.

Anyway, I ramble. Time to get to the actual discussion.

(spoilers!!) The Actual Discussion

Making the rest of Still Into You, unlike Mo Ran's feelings for CWN, was actually just straightforward. I already knew that it'd cover the rest of the book, given that I intentionally focused heavily on book 1 while making part 1.

Like part 1, part 2 was that type of animatic that just naturally flowed during the storyboarding and rough sketch process. The whole animatic is divided into three phases which covers the following: Book 1, Book 2 and 3, and lastly the Epilogue.

Book 1 I've already discussed in an earlier post here but I did find this interesting tidbit I wrote to my cousin:

Anyways the discussion:

Yeah I really wish I have a funny image to put here. I'm really enjoying looking back at my stuff and seeing my initial plans though.

Order at which I made each part.

One thing of note (and actually a common oversight I experience while doing storyboards coz I don't do timings) was that I storyboarded the frames when the vocals started and forgot the timings in between.

So I kinda had to fill the parts between part 1 and 2 last-ish? (don't really remember the proper timings).

Oh, oh! And another fun fact:

Still Into You Part 2 (Rough Draft)

Part 2 was initially done on my tablet in CSP so there's a whole different and rougher version of it. (pls lower the volume if you're wearing earphones)

Funnily enough, this took me like one sitting to finish and a whole lot of sessions to clean up. I do like this process though given that, around the time I drew this, I started leaning heavily into animation and prioritizing getting my thoughts across without care for cleanliness. (Something I felt held me back too much while making Please Don't Leave Me).

In fact, there are some obvious frames that I didn't really bother polishing up (mostly because they're too hard for me or they just flash by quickly). A glaring example is this frame from the third part:

Another fun fact about the scene where TXJ shows CWN the plant he's been raising is it's actually inspired off of a doodle I made for someone in the Two Lifetimes CSE back in April 16 2023.

I just really think that it's super adorable for them. Mo Ran in the the epilogue section alternates between TXJ and 2.0.

Aside from the plant, TXJ also appears in this frame which is inspired from one of the extras. Another silly intentional decision I did is to have him pour alcohol onto a cup and drink from the bottle.

Meanwhile 2.0 appears here:

The one on the left is also from (you guessed it) an extra! It's based from an offhand mention that CWN makes in one of them. (Let me know what your guesses are haha)

I kinda just jumped into the 3rd half of the song, huh? I hope my ramblings aren't too much! I just wanna let it flow naturally.

Returning to the topic of the storyboard, I really only had a rough idea of what I wanted for the 3rd half. The references to the extras and even Goutou's appearance just came when I was already putting it into frame. Like, this was what I initially had in mind for the 2nd chorus to the end.

I think one of the notable differences is that I initially planned on doing the half MR half CWN screen transition the same way i did with chorus 1 and 2 but decided against it. In retrospect, I think it fits a lot because both aren't divided anymore.

Something about the second verse + chorus of the song

Like in chorus 1 and chorus 3, this section of the song takes on a darker tone since it covers book 2 going into book 3. It's a lot to talk about so I'm gonna select a couple that I personally like that's worth mentioning and leave the rest to the viewers to guess.

Also sorry not sorry for those who got spoiled by the animatic lmao.

The confession scene

Another fun fact: The confession scene in Still Into You and Please Don't Leave Me are intentionally connected through the color palette.

It's just that Still Into You takes a dump at how it treats it. Yes, the stick figures are intentional. It adds to the funny and tbh Still Into You really is just a feel good animatic. The comedy also serves as a whiplash to the angst hell that is the chorus 🥰.

(Insert obligatory CWN running at a tree meme here)

My Favorite 2ha Moment

Gotta insert my favorite chapter here (ch 184) which I think is one of 2ha's peaks because it resolves CWN's doubts about MR's feelings all this times.

And I'm just soo glad I could incorporate it in an animatic because it's so important to me. AND Like, 'yknow, I think it echoes the song very well because guess what MR tells CWN then?

“It has always been you."

That one frame before the chorus

There's like this moment before the second chorus starts where MR tells CWN something. I wanted it to echo ch 207 where MR felt the pressure of having to reveal that he actually is reborn and has memories of his past life.

If this were animated I'd have had MR match the song and tell CWN "I'm still into you".

Anyways, here's the frame before it zooms in. Physically it's still at ch 207, but I wanted the shadows to imply what happens next which is the chorus.

Other Bonus stuff

Ran out of stuff I wanna gush about so Imma talk about cut content.

XM and the MHX twins are supposed to have more frames (I didn't include it because it felt like it had too much energy)

2. Ling'er and the village ranwan visits during farm arc is also supposed to make an appearance

3. I forgot to animate the butterflies

4. I was supposed to polish the sequence at 2:41 - 2:51 at one point.

5. Fuck ow

6. CWN was supposed to glomp MR at the reunion scene

7. You and I

anyways go watch it

[ruhnlidiasworld]

Ruhn x Lidia 🎡

Title: Rollercoaster

Pairing: Ruhn Danaan/Lidia Cervos

Rating: Free

Words: 2,132 (one-shot)

Summary: This is just Ruhn taking Lidia to have some fun post-hofas.

Warnings: This have small Ruhnlidia spoilers! I wrote them after their hofas ending, so pls be aware!

AO3: Link | Thanks to my ruhnlidia friends for giving me the idea 🥹

Pov-Lidia

“Drop everything you're doing. We're going on a date.” Ruhn stated, sitting on my table.

“Where are we going?” I replied without knowing if I understood his words correctly.

“A date.”

“We are in the middle of a working day!. We can’t leave Aux without superv…”

“We are going. Clean your desk.”

I cross my hands across my chest and look at him seriously, with my more menacing expression.

“You can't demand it.”

“I can.”

“You cannot.”

“I'm the Aux Commander, so I'm your boss and I'm kindly asking you to shut things down.”

Ruhn smiles. That damn charming smile, and he knows damn well that I lose the ability to argue against him when he does that.

“You can’t use the ‘I’m the commander’ card with your own mate.”

“I can't?” Ruhn says, leaning towards me until our faces are inches apart. “Who's going to stop me?”

I return the provocation with a fake smile, leaning further towards him.

“You can be the commander, Danaan” I whisper, bringing my index finger to his chin. “But I’m your mate, so I command the commander. And if I say you can't, then you can't. Am I wrong, Night?”

Lust stands out in the glance Ruhn gives me. He runs his tongue across the piercing in his bottom lip, pondering his next move.

“No. But if you refuse to go out with me to be stuck in this office on a very boring day, I will take it personally...Day.”

Appealing for my emotional side. Ruhn 1 x me 0.

“Why now?”

“Why not?” Ruhn teases.

“Where will we go?”

“That's up to you.”

I can't take it and let out a loud laugh, leaning back in the chair.

“Your plan was to come here and ask me out, but you didn’t plan where to take me?” I say, raising my eyebrows.

“ I've never taken you on a date. It would be our first, so I thought to let you choose where you wanna go.”

Even though we're having fun, I feel the weight of those words hit me. We are together. Married. We are mates. Still, Ruhn is right. We never had a date. The simple act of acting like a normal couple, developing our relationship like any other couple would, was taken away from us a long time ago. We had been trying to find a rhythm in our life as a couple, but with so much to resolve in our brief sigh of peace, marital plans ended up being shelved.

“And you're going to let me choose like this? Anything I want?”

Ruhn nodded firmly.

“I enjoyed my youth. You didn't. Anywhere you want to go on our first date, I'll take you.”

“Even if I choose a very expensive restaurant?” I tease him one more time.

Ruhn laughs scornfully.

“Money has never been a problem for me. But I doubt you want to go to dinner somewhere fancy.”

And he was right. Gods, sometimes I hated how well he could read me.

“And you're right, I wouldn't like it.” I ponder for a few seconds thinking about everything I've ever wanted to do in my life, but never had the opportunity. Fun. Freedom. And a childhood dream that I was never able to fulfill. “Anywhere, really?”

“Anywhere, Day”.

“Amusement park.”

Ruhn's confident face falters for a brief moment. Almost imperceptible to others, but to me it was visible.

“Any problems with the amusement park? I don't want to force you…”

“No way! I was just…surprised.”

I stare at my partner suspiciously. Ruhn was never the type to hide feelings and tastes, in fact, he was always like an open book that was even too open. Showing too much. Giving too much. Gods, he was on the verge of death, but he would run to save me even though he was mad at me, if the others hadn't stopped him. Of course I loved him even more for these attitudes. But I wouldn't want him to be uncomfortable because of me.

“Are you sure that's all?” I try to force it a little, checking if he will let anything slip.

“I am sure! Let's go before it gets crowded with noisy children.”

I smile at his overconfidence, but take his hand, leaving all the boring work behind.

***

The park is…noisy. Much noisier and crowded than I thought it would be. Despite our efforts, it was packed with a wide range of audiences. Children, family, teenage couples, elderly couples. It's a place for anyone, and everyone's so focused on having fun that they don't pay attention to us.

I squeeze Ruhn's hand tighter, afraid of losing him in the crowd. He squeezes my hand in response, offering a shy but welcoming smile.

“So, which attraction will it be?”

“Attraction?” I ask confused.

Ruhn laughs loudly.

“Do you even know how an amusement park works?”

“I never stopped to think about it.” I admit, shrugging my shoulders. “I only saw people coming here and I wanted to come one day too.”

“Well,” my mate begins to drag me across the wide space. “There are several attractions here. Some are more radical, others more calm. Most are made to get the adrenaline pumping in you. There's usually a lot of screaming, especially in the Haunted Mansion and the Haunted tunnel.”

“Haunted?”

“Yes, haunted. Like in horror movies.” amusement dances on Ruhn's lips. “You stay in a small, roofless car. Then you enter this dark, gloomy tunnel or mansion, full of scary figures, coffins, skulls, blood, people jumping at you screaming out of nowhere, it's very...chaotic. But good if you like horror.”

“We can go there, I think I'd like to! I like horror movies”

My partner looks at me as if I were a mental hospital patient.

“Come on, Night! You have a skull tattooed on your hand, don't tell me you're afraid of horror things.”

“I'm not afraid!” Ruhn defended himself. “I just...it's not my favorite spot.”

I cast one more suspicious glance in his direction as we walk through the park. I evaluate some of the attractions trying to judge which one would not be boring.

“Okay, what's your favorite ride?”

Ruhn seems to be scheming something in his mind.

“I like the Teacups.”

“Then take me there.” I encourage him to take action. For someone so brave, Ruhn seemed more fearful than usual. “I want us to have fun together, Night.”

I rub my thumb over his hand. Maybe he was nervous about it being our first date, but he takes a deep breath and smiles at me.

“Get ready then, I'm going to show you all my favorite rides to go.”

And he showed. The Teacups. A kind of chair that collapses from a frighteningly high height. The bumper cars that, although he denied it to the death, I won every time. Spinning gravity, The Rotor, Pendulum ride, he even encouraged himself to go in the haunted mansion with me and his frightened screams amused me more than anything. I have never felt so free and alive. Being able to be with my mate, without any worries, just acting like a normal woman was more than I could have asked for. Ruhn also won me a stuffed deer from one of the stuffed animal machines. I was still thinking of a name for my new creature when I felt like something was missing.

“I want to go on the roller coaster”

Ruhn doesn't show any reaction at first, but he seems to consider my request carefully.

“Are you sure about this, Day? Some roller coasters are dangerous, people vomit…”

“Oh please, Night!” I give him a quizzical look. “I've never been to one, I'm willing to do anything! Not to mention look at all the rides we've been to?! Every single one of them is dangerous, I'm sure we can face the roller coaster.”

Ruhn doesn't answer me, he just looks at me with a skeptical face and I knew he was about to give in.

“Please…” I give him my best pair of puppy eyes.

Ruhn catches me off guard and gives me a peck on the lips.

“Okay, sweetheart. Let's do this”.

I jump in celebration as we walk to the line. The queue was huge and we spent about five minutes standing around waiting until it was our turn. Ruhn was silent, making only occasional comments when I tried to talk to him. I didn't let myself be affected by his lack of words, I just held my deer plush and excitedly entered the attraction. Ruhn checked that the safety lock was truly secure about ten times and only stopped because the car started to move. At that time he grabbed my hand tightly.

“I love you.” Ruhn declared randomly.

I look at him confused

“Why?”

“Because you are brave, you saved my life, you are beautiful, you’re my mate, you….”

I start laughing hysterically.

“I meant, why did you say that out of nowhere?”

“Because if we both die here…”

Another laugh that I can't contain.

“Honey, we're not going to die! It's just a roller coaster.” I stroke his arm trying to comfort him.”

“That's what you 're saying!” Ruhn argues desperately.

“Raise your arms.”

“What?”

“Raise your arms, go!”

That's what I do, but Ruhn doesn't. When the carriage plummets at high speed, screams begin to echo and Ruhn's are the funniest. I couldn't stop laughing, I've never felt so complete. Full and sincere happiness runs through my veins and I wouldn't change anything right now. The wind whipping through the strands of my hair, the adrenaline burning in my blood, Ruhn's hand squeezing my thigh as he screams, terrified but smiling. Everything is a blur, the rise, the fall, the curves, suddenly we are upside down and before I could recover it starts again. And again and again. Happiness, freedom, fun, love for my mate who agreed to this madness for me, I experienced a real overdose of feelings in minutes, but it felt like hours until the carriage stopped and the lock released us to get up.

My breathing was labored and I still couldn't stop laughing. Ruhn, next to me, with his eyes closed, breathed deeply, trying to find the strength to stand up. My mate threw his head back and laughed loudly, slightly desperately, and it was the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard. The moonlight reflected off his lower lip piercing and I leaned in to give him a kiss.

Ruhn grabs my hand and we exit the attraction as quickly as we can to let the next group on.

“That was…Insane! I never felt like this! Wow, Night, that was absolutely hysteric…’

Ruhn lets go of my hand before I finish and sticks his face in the nearest trash can, throwing up his last meal. I have to bite my lip to contain the laughter rising in my throat, but the other part of me, the protective part, rushes toward him. What a great mate I am, laughing at my mate while he spilled his stomach.

I approach Ruhn, grabbing his hair with one hand and rubbing his back with the other. It doesn't take him long to get up and wipe his mouth with the sleeve of the shirt he was wearing under his leather jacket.

“Did you have fun?” That was all Ruhn asked me when he could speak.

“It was the most fun day of my life. In truth.”

“Great. So it was worth it.” My partner speaks still breathlessly and looks at me with satisfaction in his eyes.

He was much paler than usual though.

“I think we can go home now.” Ruhn declared

“I think we can face the roller coaster one more time.”

He looks me up and down in disbelief and I can't help the smile that appears on my lips. Ruhn gives me a playful shove and starts walking toward the exit.

I run until I reach him, intertwining our hands. I try to kiss him, but Ruhn avoids my face.

“I'm not going to kiss you tasting like vomit.”

“What nonsense! I've seen you worse.”

“I can't argue with that.”

We walked in comfortable silence to our apartment. As soon as Ruhn passes through the door and takes off his boots and hangs his jacket on the wall, I grab him with my hands in his strong arms. I look deep into those violet blue eyes, noticing the confusion in them.

“I also love you because you are brave, beautiful, my mate and…”

“Fuck you Lidia!”

Ruhn shows me the middle finger in response to my mockery and I throw myself on the couch, laughing uncontrollably, while I hear him close the bathroom door.

[kimdokjas]

give me those fics u wanna rec sooo bad but havent otten the chance to yet😈

@mauxanhduong

HI YES I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED

these are some of my absolute FAVORITE orv fics. the writing overall is just amazing showstopping spectacular. also several of them made me cry (both happy and sad tears) and now it's time to inflict that pain on others eheh

most of these are joongdok fics just fyi. also pls beware about spoilers!

ORV Fic Recs Pt. 2

(pt. 1)

i love ALL of these but the first five have such a special place in my heart, so if you have to choose pls choose from one of those!

before we diverge (let me tell you this) by carolee_sea

Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyuk go on a date together in First Murim.

fallen leaves by moo_lan

There is a faerie sleeping in the forest, and he has been sleeping for millennia. Yoo Jonghyuk has been travelling for a long time, and for some reason he feels that this was his destination all along.

Devotion by memoriesofdust (BehindTheRobinsMask)

It was cute. And because it was cute, Yoo Joonghyuk leaned in to do something unthinkable. He kissed Kim Dokja, shivering when the demon's lips pressed against his own. Surprisingly enough, the skies didn't rumble with anger. God didn't smite him right then and there. Yoo Joonghyuk continued to kiss Kim Dokja, drowning in his sweet taste, but the universe never cared. Yoo Joonghyuk did not fall from grace. Perhaps there was a reason for that. After all, angels were born to love God, and Kim Dokja was his. 

missing person report by lorilanda

Kim Dokja opens his arms. "Okay, okay." He takes a deep breath. "Okay. C'mere. Give me a hug." To his absolute horror, Yoo Joonghyuk actually does. Kim Dokja returns.

the false last act by younglegends

Living in a big house with everyone was convenient, most of the time. But there were other things that couldn’t be avoided. Or: The end.

(^^^ for the love of god pls read this one TWICE)

Down by AbsurdHerb

1863rd regression Yoo Jonghyuk tries to find out who Kim Dokja is and finds a lot more than he bargained for. You know that scene where 1863 tries to kill KDJ and the Third Wall stops him by sharing the whole story? I like that scene a normal amount.

Repose by Waltzfor-Zizi (azro_zee)

There were things that bound to linger when one had gone through the apocalypse and back. "Why aren't you sleeping?" Junghyeok asked, ever so coldly, but Dokja had seen him for over twenty thousand years to notice that there were subtle concerns hiding beneath his tone. "It's just…" Dokja gulped. Man, he felt so pathetic. "It's quiet," he finished lamely. In which Kim Dokja feared the silence, and Yu Junghyeok was reminded that the lull could be a little scary.

I am you (no sir, you are you) by aynchent

“It’s okay! Our,” Joonghyuk paused as he placed his hands around Dokja’s shoulders, as if the words tasted bad in his mouth, “Joonghyuk-ie is just struggling to deal with his emotions again.” “Kim Dokja. . .” Dokja growled, internally crying. A good old-fashioned challenge of, “How Well Do You Really Know Your Companion?” Spoiler, the winner may just surprise you!

Taking Action to Contain a Hopeless Squid by gayboy_advance

It started out innocent—just some minor actions to ensure the slippery man’s safety. Yoo Joonghyuk made sure to check on Kim Dokja every time before going to bed, specifically when the other was already sleeping soundly. He figured it would be less explaining if caught, as well as less likely that the man would up and leave once he had actually taken the time to fall asleep. Unfortunate or not, it was not enough to settle his worries as time progressed. Or: Yoo Joonghyuk is anxious about Kim Dokja wandering off and accidentally killing himself at night. His solution? Sleep in Kim Dokja's bed.

you used to be my satellite by Karelyon

One moment, darkness, stillness, silence. Then, the world comes alive once more. Cacophony of noises, the train rolling on tracks, people talking, laughing. Music from his headphones. Sunlight through the window. Smell of cologne, a teenage boy’s deodorant, stale air and flowery perfume of the grandma sitting a few rows ahead. Yoo Joonghyuk is once again in that subway. It is familiar, but also foreign. A whole lifetime in the past. He blinks as the world descends into chaos. or: Yoo Joonghyuk in his first regression, with all his memories from the 0th round, meets one Kim Dokja.

can wait for you at the bottom by trainerlyra

He didn't really have anything to say to him, then. It wasn't like he hadn't said everything before. To his surprise, Kim Dokja broke into a smile. Or: Kim Dokja goes off on his own again, and when he comes back, he's noticeably different. Yoo Joonghyuk isn't sure how to deal with this.

seldom the ghost returns by yamscooper

“Do you think you deserve this?” the Oldest Dream asks. Dokja is exhausted, miserable, shaky in his own skin. He’s so tired of being tired. “I’m starting to think I do,” he says.

~~

i have more but i need to stop at some point lmao, i hope you enjoy!!

[fbfh]

rocks at your window pt. 10 - ricky bowen x reader

disclaimer: this series contains smut and chapter by chapter warnings, so as with all nsfw works, ricky is aged up to 18+!! ricky and reader are 18 and in their senior year

additionally, we're working towards a ricky x therapy plot so he's going to start expressing some symptoms of mental illness and bpd but he does get therapy eventually and has a good support system but he gets worse before he gets better yk. Obviously I'm not a professional and this is for entertainment so while I have done my research pls take this with a grain of salt!! or several!! /lh

!! contains some spoilers for season 1 of hsmtmts, and previous chapters of this fic !!

wc: 10.1k

genre: angst, hurt/comfort, more high highs and a lot of low lows, tooth rotting fluff

pairing: ricky bowen x (afab she/her) reader

warnings: saucy flashbacks, nini and ej are very unprofessional, more fake texts, more coping through the arts, ricky realizes he's a real theatre kid, ricky is simping for you, seb being seb/a good friend/an absolute sweetheart, ricky distancing himself from lynne (slay), spilling tea (after getting permission to do so), conflicted feelings, nini (and ej but mostly nini) ruins the show, three seperate nini pick me moments, reader is about to snap, ricky and reader are mvps, one playful 'babe' from reader to ricky, nini is one delusional bitch!, brief mention of reader's trauma (jumpy at loud noises, flinches when someone raises their voice), ricky and big red are bros, big red has good opinions bc he stans dr phil, minor big red x ashlyn, kourtney and ricky do not get along lol, reader DOES snap, nini is terrible idk how else to rephrase it she's just the worst, nini gets yelled at by both you and ricky (slay), realizations happen, jones BIGASS love confessions and neck kisses.html, flowery descriptions, ricky picks you up briefly, making out, ricky is good with kids and it's adorable, nini is the only one who calls it YAC, theatre kids at denny's jumpscare, mike is a good dad, you wear one of ricky's shirts, saccrine amounts of love declarations, tooth rotting fluff

summary: after the disaster that was act one, act two also finds some way to go unplanned, causing you to be completely fed up with Nini's unprofessional behavior. you turn a night of confrontations around as you realize something and ricky finally gets something important off his chest.

song recs: entr'acte (hands clean) - jagged little pill obc, smiling - jagged little pill obc, what am I to you - rm, you stupid bitch - crazy ex girlfriend cast, first - niki and gabi, for a pessimist, I'm pretty optimistic - paramore, I hear a symphony - cody fry, something to believe in - newsies obc, let's go to the movies - annie (1982), sunrise - in the heights obc

a/n: fangz again 2 cici for beta reading, prepz fuk off. I'm watching american horror story murder house so uh. i'll let you know how that goes. it's hilarious so far tbh i love basement babyman. also this is ricky at you

tags @yesv01 @afidiofobia @aliyahsutherland @hopefullhearts @pikzel @demirunner @brinaslittlefreak @girlfriendwhoseawitch @matiere-detoiles @ifilwtmfc @uselesssapphickitten @nxstalgicnxbxdy @ggclarissa @n-slayaaaaa @stormi-ames @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @rainforest-daisies @sunshineangel-reads

You had heard the first part of their argument from your dressing room. After that it was muffled yelling - most of which you hoped was Ricky’s. When Natalie called for places, they were still going at it. You found Miss Jenn as quickly as you could, worried about Ricky, unsure if he was still okay to perform. 

“EJ is already getting ready to go on.” She tells you. It’s the only answer you need for how ugly things got. She ushers everyone to their places, trying her best to squash their questions and speculations of what’s going on. 

“Nothing you need to worry about, just find you places, get in character, get ready for act two…” she instructs. She pulls you aside before you enter the wings. 

“Mr. Mazzara is escorting her out as we speak.” she informs you quietly. 

“Wait, Mr. Mazzara is here?” you ask. She pauses.

“Uh, yes. He’s been… helping run the lights up in the control booth. It was a last minute-” she shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. The point is, the… shrew is leaving and Mike is on his way back to check on Ricky.” You’re relieved that his dad is here for him - and Miss Jenn. You look around momentarily. 

“Where is he?” you ask. 

“That dusty storage room we shoved the creepy mannequins in.” 

The one with the piano. The one where he helped you come down from a panic attack your first day at the El Rey, and… 

“...So they’re probably going to wait until the show is over, then head home.” You snap out of the onslaught of memories that stirred up at the mention of that storage room, catching the last half of what she said. “You can keep your phone in the wings to stay in touch, just make sure it’s not a distraction.” 

“Okay,” you agree, already feeling it buzzing in your pocket. She nudges you toward the wings as the intro to I Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You starts playing, Nini and EJ’s voices should be floating through the house. 

“Now, go be Sharpay!” she says with a smile, and you start to turn the corner, then pause. 

“Miss Jenn!” you whisper-yell, and she looks back up at you. “Thank you! For everything.” you say sincerely. She places her hands on her chest, smiling, and you finally find your place backstage. 

“Like, full on screaming,” you hear Zeke say to Martha. You try to ignore them, and everyone else talking and whispering. You knew it would spread like wildfire, backstage drama always does. You pull out your phone, blowing up with texts from Ricky and his dad. You keep switching between the two text threads, trying to figure out what happened, to make sure Ricky’s okay. As you type out replies to both him and his dad, you look out onto the stage. Something doesn’t sound right, the gaps between the dialog are too long. 

Your brow furrows, trying to figure out what’s going on. EJ’s hand comes up to his collar and he leans forward. Nina delivers her next line more stilted and awkward and out of character than anything you’ve ever seen. You watch, confusion turning into disbelief as Nina covers her mic with her hand, and whispers something to EJ. Being so close to where they’re standing, you’re able to catch most of what she says - ‘seriously, EJ, where’s Ricky?’, or something to that effect. 

High pitched feedback whines at the disturbance to her mic, and for a moment you think you must have imagined it. There’s no way, no chance in hell she covered her mic with her hand, broke character onstage, and got EJ to break character too. You take a few breaths, reminding yourself that you’re not the director. Miss Jenn will have to deal with that one. Your phone buzzes as you get more texts from Ricky, and you check it again. 

Ricky stares at the little gray box on his screen, letting your words sink in. He still has four shows to perform in. He has more than just tonight to look forward to. All of those shows, every single one of them, is going to go just fine. Even now, through the worst possible nightmare of a thing that could have happened, the show is still continuing; the show must go on. And it will. It is, right in front of his eyes, as he and his dad enter the auditorium, taking two empty seats, Ricky’s right on the aisle. EJ and Nini harmonize, dancing around the stage - like he was supposed to. They finish the last verse of Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You, as the audience applauds. He claps politely as the lights go down. 

He mentally runs through what he would be doing if he were back there with you guys. You’re probably getting ready for the scene at Sharpay’s locker with Zeke, standing center stage in the dark, looking at the prop accessories in the pink locker, while Zeke mentally goes over his lines and blocking in the stage left wing. The lights go up, and he’s right. He knows this whole show inside and out, he realizes, and it makes his chest squeeze. Instead of dwelling on that, he leans forward, watching the scene begin to play out. He realizes suddenly that he gets to actually watch you perform. Not just from the wings or during rehearsals or in a grainy camcorder video, but he gets to watch you live. 

He smiles a little, realizing how special that is. You deliver your lines flawlessly, bringing a chuckle from the audience with your attitude right when you want one. It’s crazy how you play the mean girl so well, when it couldn’t be further from your real personality. He figures you’re just that amazing. You let out a shrill, frustrated scream, then storm off stage with Zeke trailing after you. When the lights go down, he claps loudly, letting out a cheer. He lets out a shaky breath, knowing you’ll be in the next scene, too - you’re probably quick changing for it right now. 

He’s right again, and backstage, you pull on your jacket, relieved to be done a little earlier than usual. It’s probably nerves from everything that happened tonight making you go a little quicker, but you’re not complaining. 

“So,” Seb says quietly next to you, bending over to tug on his heels, “what happened earlier? It sounded bad…” You let out a slow, frustrated sigh. He gets the sense it wasn’t just bad, it was really bad. 

“Just…” you search for the words, “some personal stuff. Family stuff, I guess.” 

“Bad enough for him to leave halfway through the show?” he asks, and you can tell he’s concerned. You pause fixing your belt, looking up to the catwalk and praying for the strength to get through tonight. Seb is one of the sweetest people you’ve ever met, and you know he wouldn’t hurt a fly, but the last thing you need to do is add to the whispers, the desire for someone to spill the tea on what happened during intermission. 

“It’s really not for me to say…” you trail off, glancing at the other groups of castmates waiting to go on and techies listening for their cues. ‘Later’, you mouth to him. You have to go on any minute, and you want to text Ricky about it before you tell anyone anything. It’s really not your place to tell anyone what’s going on in his homelife. You pull out your phone, sending him a quick text that says some of your friends are worried about him, and does he want you to say anything or keep it under wraps for now. You turn your phone on silent and hide it in your bra before making your entrance on time. 

Seb lets out a huff, then follows you off stage as the ensemble runs in from the wings and the music for Wildcat Cheer reprise starts playing. As the ensemble begins dancing, Ricky checks his phone again, seeing a new text from you. ‘What do you want me to say?’ He pauses, staring at the screen. What does he want you to say? Nothing, at first. For a painful, fleeting moment, he wishes none of this had ever happened in the first place, he wishes he didn’t have to keep making up excuses and brushing things off. He doesn’t have to, he realizes. He doesn’t have to keep covering for her, and overcompensating for her shitty decisions. He bites the inside of his cheek, then texts you back. 

Backstage, you return to the stage right wing, ready for your next scene. You check to see if Ricky has texted you back, and he did. ‘Tell them she showed up unannounced and we got in a fight. I’m not trying to make her look good anymore.’ You agree, and a part of you is glad he’s not making himself responsible for his mother’s emotions anymore. When your scene is over, you rush to your dressing room to get ready for Bop to the Top. You have a full costume and hair change, and you need to tweak your makeup a little, so it usually takes you the longest to get ready for. Once you’ve applied enough body glitter to choke a bratz doll, you leave your dressing room, meeting Seb on the way to the wings. 

Most of the cast is onstage right now, so it’s not very crowded backstage where you stand, waiting for the current song to end. Seb moves a little closer to you and lowers his voice.

“I know it’s probably not a good time to ask, but what in the Mount Saint Helens happened with Ricky?” He asks in a hushed, worried tone. You bite back a smile at his turns of phrase, and sigh. You think back to Ricky’s text, how he said he’s done covering for her. 

“His mother showed up…” you say slowly, pausing at the shocked expression on his face. 

“She what?” he exclaims quietly. 

“And she tried to corner Ricky during intermission,” he gasps, and you continue, “and they got into a huge fight.” 

“Oh my god.” he says, thinking back to the yelling he’d heard. 

“Mhm.” you confirm, “Miss Jenn had to kick her out so she wouldn’t cause more of a scene.” 

“Oh my god!” he gasps in disbelief that it got that bad. He feels like he’s on an episode of Real Housewives. Or maybe Dance Moms. 

“Poor Ricky… Is he okay?” His mind constructs different images of Ricky’s mother ambushing him while he tries to get ready for act two. He can’t imagine how terrible that must have been. 

“As much as he can be right now,” you say. Seb can see how worried you are about him. This night took a toll on you, and he’s sure Ricky’s dad and Miss Jenn can’t be doing much better. It makes sense, and he’s glad to at least know what happened. 

“That’s pretty much it, but I’ll give you the details later.” you say, noting that you have to go on soon, and walking over to Ashlyn so you can enter together. 

The music starts, and Ricky has never been more excited for Bop to the Top. He’s never had the opportunity to see you and Seb perform full out like this from the audience, he’s always been just out of view before because of the blocking and where he was supposed to stand on stage. But now, he’s front and center, watching the light bounce off the glitter scattered across your chest and arms. You’re in a gorgeous, glittering teal dress that bounces and moves with every step you take. Your silver sparkling heels match your bracelets, and your hair is pinned up with big pink and white flowers on the side. Seb begins to dance with you, wearing a coordinating outfit that’s just as flashy. 

As the music cuts between the basketball game and science decathlon, you and Seb continue to steal the show. Your singing is gorgeous and your choreography is flawless. You harmonize as you spin around, totally in sync. Your attitude, your charisma is overflowing. The two most important events of the show are happening on either side of you, and you’re keeping all eyes center stage. He’s never seen a number with this much energy, this much flare, and based on the way the crowd is reacting, they feel the same way. 

As the tension builds, as the time to score the winning shot runs out and the science questions get harder and harder, as the music builds, Ricky’s breath is taken away. At the climax of the number, the East High Wildcats win the championship basketball game, and the science decathlon at the same moment. You and Seb hit the final note, holding it out as you strike your ending pose. Right as you’re done, Taylor kills the lights. 

Ricky is stunned at how good the show looks from the audience. But in spite of how amazing it’s been, he can’t ignore the gnawing in his chest anymore. He’s been trying so hard to focus on you, to not be jealous of EJ standing up there reciting his lines, singing his parts and doing his choreography. Seeing EJ up there, seeing Carlos struggle to fill in as Chad makes his stomach sink. It’s supposed to be him up there. He’s supposed to be the one scrambling to make it to callbacks on time, just like he did in real life all those months ago. He turns his attention back to you, as you begin your biggest Sharpay diva moment of the show. 

You storm off with Seb at your heels, and you both begin to get changed for the finale. As you get dressed into your white and red outfits, you can’t resist telling him a little more about what happened during act one and intermission. 

“...And she just stormed up to me, demanding to see him. Like, I told her, ‘you’re not cast or crew, you are so not allowed to be back here’, but she didn’t care!” Your voice is intense, but hushed. 

“Are you kidding?” he demands, shock evident on his face. 

“I wish I was…” you laugh softly, just as flabbergasted by the recent turn of events as he is. You inch closer to the curtain, and see Ricky wave to you in the audience - or more specifically in the general direction of where he knows you’d be right about now. His eyes are still a little pink and puffy, and it’s obvious how much everything that happened tonight has fucked him up. Your chest squeezes at the sight, and you wish you could hug him or do something to help. You sigh, trying to think of something encouraging to text him when you get a spare minute to. You snap out of your train of thought when you realize it’s quiet onstage. Your stomach sinks as EJ repeats his line, trying to cue Nina.

“Oh god,” you mutter next to Seb. 

“Did she forget her lines?” he asks. Her head turns, and you see what she’s looking at - who she’s looking at. You’re minutes away from the finale of the show, and she’s staring at Ricky. EJ begins speaking again, reciting his lines, but he just keeps going.

“Is he improving?” you ask rhetorically. “Why is he improving?” 

You have no idea what’s going on, but this show is going off the rails so fast. It’s like a slow motion trainwreck, and you find yourself unable to look away as Nina whispers to him out of character, for the second time in the last hour. You can feel your blood pressure rise as she breaks character too, the both of them floundering onstage and deviating from every rule of theatre Miss Jenn has been drilling into your heads for the last three months. Again, EJ speaks up, not even trying at this point. 

“I’m not the Troy you want,” he says melancholically. 

“What the fuck are they doing?” you hiss, and Seb can tell that after everything that happened tonight, this is really the last straw for you - you’re out for blood. You watch in disbelief as EJ just… walks offstage. And that’s it. You think it’s a really good thing he exited to the other side of the stage, because you sure have some choice words for him right now. 

“What is he doing?!” you question again, more pissed off than Seb has ever seen you. As if things couldn’t possibly get worse, you can’t believe what you’re seeing. Nina picks up her mic and begins to walk toward the edge of the stage, singing acapella. 

“She better not fucking do what I think she’s doing.” your voice is quiet, dangerous, and Seb is momentarily worried on her behalf. Even though you’re like, the nicest person ever, he doesn’t think anyone would want to be on your bad side.

Your hand flies over your mouth in utter disbelief as she walks into the audience and right over to Ricky, signaling for Big Red to follow her with a spotlight. Just when you think this couldn’t be more of an amature hour shit show, she pulls out her phone, turning her flashlight on him. You have no idea what she thinks that’s going to do, and thank god when she puts it away after a minute. She grabs Ricky’s hand, trying multiple times to pull him out of his seat. His heart is pounding, and he can feel himself freezing up. He has no idea what’s happening or why she’s doing this, and he has even less of an idea what he’s supposed to do. 

“I’m… really not at my best right now…” he manages to choke out. She doesn’t listen, and grips his hand, limp in hers. 

“Just look at me, Ricky. Right at me.” She smiles, like that will fix anything. He shouldn’t go up there, he shouldn’t go onstage when he’s like this. He and his dad had a whole conversation about it after intermission. But with everyone staring at him, Nini begins to sing. When she holds out the mic for him to finish the verse, he does, almost on instinct. He can’t leave her hanging, not like this. He panics, and next thing he knows, he’s letting her drag him onstage. He doesn’t know what’s happening, why she’s doing this, but he moves automatically and lets her drag him onstage. 

He’s struggling to keep his voice level, using all his effort to push past the pain, and smile at her. As she finally brings him center stage, taking his shaking hands in hers, he fights with everything inside him to make this work, to make it convincing, and be the finale it was supposed to be. He just has to keep it together for this last number, work through the pain, the ache in his chest and stomach that’s killing him as he stands up there, just for three minutes. As the rest of the cast begins to hit their cues, the energy has never been higher. They’re giving it everything they’ve got to hype him up, give him something to hold onto. He can feel them reaching out to him, singing and dancing their hearts out to lift him up. 

He’s trying so hard to be Troy, to seem convincing, to smile sincerely - not at Nini, but at Gabriella. He holds her hands, beaming, thinking about how badly Troy wants to kiss her. He clings onto this moment, the music, this role like a lifeboat. Troy has a great relationship with both his parents, Troy doesn’t come from a broken home. Troy is okay, he’s never been better, which means that Ricky gets to be okay vicariously through him, just for a little while. Just for a few minutes. He holds onto this catharsis as tightly as he can. He’s not going to let this moment be taken away from him too. The audience is cheering louder than ever as they make their way to the end of the song, incredibly confused at the cast changes and Nini’s actions, but they cheer everyone on - especially Ricky - nonetheless. 

He smiles at her through misty eyes, holding her hands and gazing at her in adoration. ‘This is it,’ Nini thinks, ‘my Ricky has come back to me. It’s always going to be us.’ He caresses her cheek, and looks at her like he really wants to kiss her as they harmonize. She knows he wants to kiss her, he’s always loved her and he’s always going to. They’ve had their ups and downs, but she knows that Ricky will always be hers. She was his first love, his first everything, and that’s what really matters. They have history, and you can’t fake that, you can’t manufacture that. 

The song ends and she drags him into the wings away from you and Seb, shoving his finale costume at him. He fumbles to take off his jacket, desperately trying to stay in motion, to keep moving, keep smiling, keep being Troy. He throws the sparkly white and red tracksuit on over his remaining clothes, and has seconds before he’s going to get dragged back out for the finale of a show he was only able to half participate in. He hates her so much for ruining this for him. He hates Nini for dragging him back up here, for literally putting him in a spotlight in the aftermath of the worst event of his life. He sucks it up, putting on a smile and getting hyped up to sing along to the megamix. 

It takes one look at your face for Seb to know just how bad this is. He can feel the rage, the disbelief radiating off of you, and he has no idea what’s going to happen after this. He thinks it’s nice that Nini tried to include Ricky, but she definitely didn’t go about it the right way. He’s sure you’d feel that’s probably the biggest understatement that could be made about the situation. 

“Are you okay?” he asks quietly, really worried. There’s already been so much drama tonight, he knows your bullshit tolerance is in the negatives right now. You stare at Nina across the stage, watching her whisper something to Kourtney with an expression on her face that infuriates you.

“Not sure yet.” You answer quietly, voice dangerous. Finally, you hear your cue, and you and Seb enter the stage.

He watches you change on a dime, transforming into a sassy, fun, reformed mean girl. You dance with him, and flirt with Zeke effortlessly. He can’t find a trace of your previous rage once you’re past the curtain, singing and dancing as Sharpay. There’s a light, fun, playful energy around you, and it’s infectious, making Seb and Zeke and everyone else around you have even more fun out there. For a moment, he forgets how ugly this is going to get once the lights go down. 

You make your way over to Gabriella, doing a little dance with her, just like you’re supposed to. You flash her a thumbs up, and wink at her supportively when Troy pulls her closer to dance, just like you’ve been practicing at every rehearsal leading up to this moment. Nina smiles at you when you do, interpreting yours and Ricky’s behavior as more than just stage directions. She feels a sense of benevolent camaraderie with you in these fleeting moments. Maybe she will be the bigger person, maybe she will extend her friendship to you, because even though you did try to steal Ricky from her - unsuccessfully at that - fighting over dumb boys is stupid. 

She and Gina run off to pull Miss Jenn onstage so she can deliver her infamous deleted line. It was your idea initially, but you made sure to tell the rest of the cast before tonight so the surprise could be from all of you. The cast and house cheer as she delivers her line, and you can see how much it means to her. You get a minute to dance with Ricky, and make your way over to him as quickly and naturally as possible. You couldn’t seem happier or more care free, but when you speak, your voice is strained. 

“I am so sorry that happened…” you say, barely loud enough for him to hear over the swell of the music and the rhythmic clapping as the audience keeps time. He can see it, the frustration being masked by your energetic, jovial nature. You’re doing the same thing he is, he realizes. You’re using this moment onstage and in character to keep the real world at bay. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt closer to you than he does right now. He wants to say something, he wants to feel horrible - he’s sure it’s justified - but when he looks at you, he can’t 

You’re onstage together at the end of your opening night performance, with a full house clapping and cheering and singing along with you both, with the whole cast. And in this moment, you’re worried about him. You’re worried about him. He’s so overwhelmed by this feeling of being onstage with all his friends, an audience full of people who came here and bought tickets and watched the show and are now cheering them on for this, the penultimate moment of all their hard work and dedication and doubts over the last three months culminating to this. He knows you know this feeling well, that this is the first show you’ve done in so long and how badly you’ve missed it - and you’re still up here, worried about him. 

“There were some… hiccups, but…” he starts, locking eyes with yours, looking at you that way that he does. He doesn’t think he’s ever felt more strongly for you than he does right now. “This is kind of the best, right?” You smile suddenly at his words, relief evident on your face. You feel like you can breathe a little easier knowing he’s doing okay - or at least, better than he was. 

“This is just the tip of the iceberg babe,” you chuckle, nudging him playfully. You’re still livid at that… stunt Nina pulled, that hasn’t slipped your mind. But for now, Ricky is okay. That’s what’s important. You’ll deal with her later, if you get the chance. 

“Just wait till you see what I have picked out for the spring musical!” you both look over at Miss Jenn as she smiles, drawing an excited laugh from you and Ricky. 

Nina looks over, hearing you laughing with Ricky. It makes her stomach sink. She scoffs, figuring it must be platonic. He’s probably just giving you closure, or something. She looks back out into the crowd, and stops dancing as she watches the scout from YAC leave. Her mouth hangs open in disbelief. If she doesn’t get into YAC, the performing arts school of her dreams, what was the point of all this?

After everyone runs forward in groups, then individually to bow in front of the audience, You, Nina, and Ricky are the last to go. He stands between you, lined up with everyone else, holding both your hands as you and all your friends bow as a cast.  He snaps to attention as he hears a certain part of the music, squeezing your hand in warning. Confetti cannons go off from the wings moments later, drawing out a new wave of cheers and applause from the audience. You’re grateful for the warning, and you squeeze his hand back as a thank you. Your heart is warmed that even now, after so many difficult things happening back to back in one night, he still remembered that loud noises can make you jumpy. 

When Nina goes to share a look with Ricky, her smile drops. He’s already looking at you. There’s a certain type of joy in his eye, the kind you can only find amidst the ashes of misery, as he realizes that through everything that happened, he’s still okay. You’re still here. That’s the important part. You’re still right here with him, holding his hand. He made it to bows. Everything is going to be okay. In sharing this eye contact with him, you can’t help but reflect on how pretty he looks in the blue cast of the stage lights as he looks at you that way that makes your stomach twist. 

The curtains begin to draw closed, and you all wave at the audience until they’re out of sight. Sporadic cheers are let out around you as hugs are initiated here and there, and everyone begins flooding to the dressing rooms to get changed. As you make your way to the back, Ashlyn already leading everyone in a very loud, high energy reprise of We’re All in This Together, you squeeze Ricky’s arm. When he looks at you, he seems to be doing exactly as well as you’d expect - okay for now, the massive high from the end of the show keeping him afloat for now, but you know it won’t last forever. 

“I’m gonna go get changed real quick, I’ll say hi to my mom then we can go home, okay?” you say quietly, and he can tell from your tone of voice that you’re here for him, he just needs to hang in there a little longer. 

“Okay,” he says with a shaky breath. He doesn’t really need to get changed since he has his street clothes on under his tracksuit, so after hanging it up in its place, he waits in the hall outside the dressing rooms. A few minutes later, everyone who got changed the fastest are in the halls and on the stairs outside the dressing rooms, talking and congratulating each other before they go to the lobby. There's a silent understanding that you're all waiting just a few more minutes before you have to leave, before you have to acknowledge that the show is over. Big Red runs over to Ricky as soon as he spots him. 

“Are you okay, dude?” he asks quietly, clearly worried about him. Ricky lets out a breathy laugh. 

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay.” Ricky realizes how stressed he must be, having no idea of anything that was going on until half way through the show. "There’s a lot to fill you in on." Ricky nods his head, and they move to a more secluded area so Ricky can begin catching him up. He goes over the series of events from earlier tonight quickly, trying not to get worked up over all of it again. Soon he's wrapping up his summary of the horrible things that happened in such a short span of time, and his eyes are much less misty than he was worried they'd be. 

"Oh. My. God." Red states, laughing in disbelief that his mother would do something like that. 

"Yeah." Ricky nods, still in shock. 

"Don't take this the wrong way, dude," Red says tentatively, "but that does sound like something she would do; the guilt tripping, mind games, all of it." Ricky can't help but agree. In retrospect, Red does remember her using a lot of language that read as passive aggressive or guilt  tripping. There’s no way they could have picked up on that as kids, but hindsight is 20/20. Ricky loses Red's attention real quick as Ashlyn walks toward her friends, no longer loitering outside the dressing room she shares with you and Nini - and soon, Gina. She holds up a piece of paper from the mystery bouquet she'd been inspecting more closely. 

“We found a card!” she says excitedly. Ricky nudges Red, encouraging him to tell Ashlyn that he was the one to send the flowers. He looks at Ricky, nervous, and gets an encouraging nod. Big Red takes a breath, steadying himself, then stands up and walks towards Ashlyn. 

"Actually…" he starts. He doesn't need to say anything else, watching the realization hit. They walk a few feet away, talking animatedly and seeming to have a good time. More people start to filter out to see their friends and family, and as they dissipate, he realizes he still hasn't seen you since you went to change. He spots Kourtney passing by a few feet away and runs over to her. 

"Hey, uh," he starts carefully. He knows Kourtney hasn't been too fond of him for a while. "Do you know where Nini is?" He knows where Gina and Ashlyn are, and he really just wants to grab you and get out of here without even more drama. Kourtney sucks her teeth, considering how to respond for a moment. She could say something, she always has something to say when it comes to Ricky, but she knows tonight was hard on him. She doesn't know the details, but she's sure the last thing she'd want in his position is more animosity. 

"The scout left, and she's taking it hard. I think she's with her moms, but I don't know for sure." He waits a beat, realizing there's no other shoe that's going to drop, no glares or snarky comments.

"Thanks," he says quietly, before making his way to your dressing room. You're probably just having trouble getting everything back in your bag. He thought you had way over packed when you showed him the huge tote bag you got ready for tech week, but by the end, every 'just in case you had brought had been needed more than once. You really know your way around a theater, he thinks. 

When you first enter your dressing room, all you want to do is get changed and get out. Ashlyn talks a little - mostly to herself - about how excited she is for the next show. You reply as politely as possible, doing everything you can to avoid Nina, ignore her as much as you can. You just have to get changed and get out. You have bigger issues to deal with, bigger fish to fry than to chew her out for what she did back there. 

"Yeah," she replies, a faux chipper tone to her voice "hopefully we won't have as many last minute cast changes tomorrow night," you pause, gripping the empty plastic hanger so hard your knuckles turn white. "But who knows, right?" 

You've tried your best, you really have, but you can't take her bullshit anymore. The hanger snaps in your hands with a loud crack. Ashlyn's eyes widen in surprise, and now out of costume, she makes her way to the door. 

"I'll give you two a minute…"

The cacophony of voices get louder for a moment as she opens the door to leave, then it's quiet again. You turn away from her to tug on your shoes, praying to god she'll just leave it alone, let you get out of here quietly. 

"Sorry," her voice is dripping with a passive aggressive ignorance that grates on your ears. "Did you have something to say to me?" Before she can scoff and drop a yeah, that's what I thought, you turn, looking over your shoulder at her with a stone cold glare. When you speak, your voice is so deadly, so sharp she feels like she's been stung. 

"Count yourself fucking lucky that I don't have time to hang around right now, but I swear to god, Nina, if you pull shit like that again-"

"Wh-" she sputters, "excuse me? Pull what? Including Ricky, and helping him?"

"You think you were helping him?" You repeat, turning to face her. You roll your eyes scoffing. "Wow." She starts to say something, but you cut her off. 

"Look, I don't know why you're here, but some of us actually take this seriously. This actually means something- this matters to some people, and nobody needs you turning it into a little three ring Nina circus, and ruining it for the people who actually want to be here!" Your voice rises as you continue, driving your point home, and refusing to let her interrupt you. By the time you’re done, her mouth is hanging open.

“I don’t care what you do in your free time,” you continue decisively, “I really don’t, but don’t ruin everything for the people who actually give a fuck!” you say, a humorless laugh at the end. You don’t know who’s been coddling her up until now, but you are sure as hell are not going to let someone get away with a stunt like that. It’s clear from her reaction that no one has ever spoken to her like this, and you think it’s long overdue. “That was the most unprofessional load of bullshit I have ever fucking seen! And I’ve been around the rodeo a few times.” 

Nina blinks hard, fighting tears prickling the corners of her eyes. She feels like she’s just been slapped. Her? Unprofessional? Wow. You’re really reaching now. She’s the most professional person at this whole school, she just… She freezes as it hits her in a split second of clarity, that she doesn’t have a leg to stand on. She broke the cardinal rules of theatre; she broke character, went into the audience, broke the immersion. She ruined opening night. You can see the moment of lucidity where she realizes she’s in the wrong, and it’s gone just as fast. 

“You’re one to talk about being a professional.” She spits. You look at her incredulously. Once again you have no idea where she’s going with this. When you don’t react, don’t instantly get it, she continues. 

“You had a Broadway career handed to you on a silver platter, and you threw it away!” she searches your face for shock that she figured out your secret, continuing, “And for what, so you could slum it at some midwestern high school full of amateurs?” 

You figured it was a matter of time before someone found out you’ve done professional theatre before, so if she’s waiting for a reaction from you, she’s not going to get one. The only reason you didn’t tell anyone, the only reason you kept quiet about it is because you didn’t want to come across as cocky or seem like you were bragging. Plus, with how hard things got towards the end, you don’t really want to go around and dig up memories from that time in your life. Besides, you’re not in New York right now, you’re at East High. You’re here with all your friends, finally getting a little piece of normalcy. You’re exactly where you want to be, so why would you waste it living in the past?

Before you can answer, she continues.

“The point is, you need to stay away from Ricky and stop lying to him. Okay?” she demands. Her voice is muffled through the door, but right outside, Ricky hears her loud and clear. He didn’t hear you two before, but now the halls and dressing rooms are mostly empty.

Is she still seriously going on about that? You let out a breath, trying to regain your composure. 

“I really do not have the time to keep having the same conversation with you over and over - or explain to you that you can’t tell people who they can and can’t date!” you exclaim. You’re about to drop it, but there’s one more thing you need to get off your chest. “And for the fucking record, you don’t know jack shit about what else was going on in my life when I left New York. And I don’t owe you an explanation either.” you say coldly. You’ve said your peace, the only thing you need to do is fucking get out of here and find Ricky. 

“I can’t believe I actually used to look up to you!” she exclaims. “Look. It was cute, or whatever, at first, but this little game of yours has gone on for long enough. He’s mine. Now can you leave him alone, please?” she demands. She’s dripping that passive aggression you’re really starting to get sick of. You look at her in the mirror, illuminated with lights. 

“Seriously? You seriously want to do this right now.” You say, exhausted. She either doesn’t hear you or pretends not to as she continues.

“I knew him first! I dated him first, I kissed him first. Everything he’s done with you, he did with me first.” she states. She doesn’t know how else to get it into your head that she was his first everything, and you’re just a rebound or something. What they have isn’t something you can just get over like that.

“You weren’t… every first, Nini.” You both look over at Ricky, and you wonder how long he’s been standing in the doorway, how much he heard. 

“Ricky… what?” she whips around at the sound of his voice. He stares back at her, teary eyed and serious. 

“You weren’t every first.” he repeats. You both look at him in disbelief. Nina furrows her brow. She can’t believe he’s disrespecting their relationship like this. You stare at him, thinking back, reanalyzing your memories. He can’t be saying what you think he’s saying. There’s no way you were his first time. That couldn’t have been his first time. There’s no way that Ricky Bowen was a virgin before he showed up at your house that night, there’s no way that you took his virginity. ‘Oh god, I did, didn’t I?’ you think, remembering the way he looked at you, how nervous and desperate he was. Heat floods to your cheeks. You have no idea what to do with this information.

“How could you say that?” she demands. She was his first crush, his first kiss, his first date, girlfriend, heartbreak. She was all of it. 

“Because it’s true!” he exclaims. “The only first I care about, the only first that matters, is right there.” he gestures to you. 

Oh yeah, no, you definitely did take his virginity. You did not expect this, much less that it would make you feel so… tender? Flattered? Warm and fuzzy maybe? You hold back a flustered laugh. Whatever warm thing it is, you’re sure feeling a lot of it. You stare at the ground, cheeks hot, butterflies fluttering in your stomach as you process this in the back of your mind. The majority of your attention is still on Ricky. You’ve been so worried, but he seems okay, which is a huge relief. He catches your eye, and your stomach twists. He’s looking at you like that again, and you’re sure you must be looking at him the same way. Anyone could see it. You snap back to attention, remembering Nina is still in the room with you. 

“We should get going-” you start quietly, reaching for your bag.

“Stay out of this!” she snaps, and you recoil at the sudden sharpness to her voice. “This is between Ricky and me.”  She turns to him, continuing, “And we are not done talking about this.” 

“Don’t talk to her like that.” He says quickly, more defensive of you after what happened earlier. He walks over to you, standing in between you and her. “Anything you have to say to me, you can say it in front of her.” Even though his voice wavers with emotion for a moment, Nina can tell he’s not backing down on this. She weighs her options. 

“Okay.” she starts, sucking her teeth. “I think she’s manipulating you.”

He lets out a breathy laugh with a bitter edge. He rolls his eyes, looking away for a second.

“That’s… hilarious, coming from you…” he mutters. 

“What? She’s been lying to you this whole time! She’s been doing professional theatre for years, Ricky, she-”

“That’s what this is about?” He realizes. “Oh my god, I already knew that!” he yells. Relief floods him as it clicks that all the bullshit she’s been spewing is nothing he didn’t know about already. She really was just trying to get into his head. “She’s not manipulating me, Nini, she’s there for me! There’s a difference! She actually cares about me - unlike you, and Lynne, and everybody else.” 

“That’s not fair-”

“She’s actually there for me, and she doesn’t just bail when shit gets hard. Not like you’d know anything about that.” he says the last part quieter, but she still hears it. She doesn’t have a comeback, she doesn’t have anything she can say to that. 

“I don’t have to listen to this.” She grabs her bag, brushing past him. Before she leaves, he turns to her, finally saying something he never thought he’d be able to. 

“I’m starting to think I wasn’t the problem in our relationship.” 

She freezes, turning to him slowly, eyes glistening.

“What?”

“You heard me.” he states. 

“You know what?” There’s nothing she can say, no comeback, no way to defend herself. She lets a single tear fall. “Screw you, Ricky.” She leaves quickly, huffing at what he said. He turns to you, still staring at where she left in disbelief. You exhale for what feels like the first time since this confrontation began, then immediately turn your attention back to Ricky. You’re grabbing your stuff as quickly as you can, desperate to finally get out of here, laughing nervously. 

“I can’t believe this night keeps getting worse. Look, we can just go home, we don’t have to go to Denny’s or anything if you don’t want to, I just want to make sure you’re okay, because obviously a lot of-” 

“I love you.” 

It tears from his throat with more raw emotion than you’ve ever heard, stopping you in your tracks. Your eyes widen as his hands come up to hold your face. He wants to kiss you so badly, more than he’s wanted anything, and you can feel it. He keeps going.

“I love you so much, I wanted to say it before. I’ve wanted to say it since that first amazing night we spent together. Ever since you snuck me into your room, and we talked and watched old episodes of cartoons, and you took me in when I needed you, I have loved you. And then you got those little plastic rings when we were running late for rehearsal, because we stopped for coffee and peach scones, and- and we traded colors, I felt like my heart was going to explode.” 

His thumbs caress your cheeks, and it makes you light headed. 

“I wanted to say it when we were dancing at homecoming and you were so beautiful I thought I’d die, I wanted to say it every time we kissed, and every time you laugh so hard your nose scrunches up, I wanted to say it. You made me fall in love with theatre, and this beautiful place, and with you. You love everyone around you so selflessly,” his voice breaks, “please, let me love you. The way you deserve to be loved. Even if you don’t want to say it back-” 

“I love you too.” You can’t help interrupting him, unable to ignore how true they are any longer. He’s stopped dead in his tracks. “I would have said something sooner, but the last thing I wanted was for you to feel pressured, so I… figured I’d follow your lead.” The room is quiet as he tries to get the air back in his lungs. 

“You love me?” he breathes.

“Yeah,” you confirm, nodding, “I do.” 

He takes one look at you, holding you intensely in his gaze, confirming that you really just said that. In one swift motion, he pulls you close to him, dipping you, and finally connects his lips to yours. He kisses you more passionately than anything he’s ever done. He kisses the air out of your lungs, kisses away the little space between you, desperately kissing everything he feels for you onto your lips. You lose yourself for a beautiful moment in that kiss. You’re not sure how long you stay like that, holding each other as close as you can get, with kissing as the only means of expressing the depths of your feelings, but it’s long enough that your lungs burn when you finally pull away. He barely moves his face away from yours as you attempt in sync to catch your breath. 

“Say it again,” he murmurs against your lips. 

“I love you,” you say, soft and sincere, that beautiful smile on your lips where his ache to be again. He reacts instantly to your words, picking you up, and kissing you again and again. You wrap your legs around his waist, giggling in surprise. He sets you on the table in front of the big dressing room mirror where Ashlyn’s character shoes still sit. The mental note to make sure she doesn’t forget them flies out of your mind as Ricky kisses you again and again, mouth open against yours. His lips are all over your face and your neck, turning you into a giggling mess as he holds you tight. He mutters sweet nothings against your skin that turn sensual very quick, but mostly he keeps telling you how much he loves you between kisses, mumbling the three words into your skin over and over. 

“Ricky…” you trail off as he bites your neck playfully, causing you to let out a flustered noise. “We have to go upstairs…” you start to forget what you were saying as he runs his tongue over your skin. “Our parents are waiting!” you laugh, desperately holding onto the train of thought. 

“Let them wait…” he murmurs, “You said we could kiss after the show, and… it’s after.” The flustered look on your face is too much for him, and he presses his lips to yours again, pushing his tongue into your mouth. You feel so good, your skin is so soft and you smell so sweet, and it’s all so much more now that he’s said it, now that you said it back to him. He squeezes your thigh and bites your lip and moans into your mouth, loving every noise you make, every tug of his hair and grab of his shirt. He’s so desperate for you and your touch, he would fuck you right here if he could. He considers it for a moment. 

After eavesdropping too long for her own good, Nina feels a solitary tear roll down her cheek. Ricky’s words ring in her ears. He loves you. He didn’t just say it back, he initiated it. She didn’t stick around too long, just enough for it to hurt. She reaches into her bag, pulling out her songwriting book. She’s sure this will give her plenty to write about, she thinks bitterly. She could probably get a whole album out of it. ‘At least then the pain would be worth something…’ she muses, taking one last look over her shoulder before leaving the dressing rooms - and Ricky - out of her sight.

Eventually, you and Ricky manage to drag yourselves upstairs and greet people in the lobby. Mike finds him quickly, pulling him aside to check on him. He looks back over at you, accepting flowers from your mom and pulling her in for a hug. 

“Yeah,” he says. “I’m okay.” He doesn’t look away from you, and Mike doesn’t miss this. His son is a lot of wonderful things, but he sure wouldn’t describe him as subtle. Ricky watches you as a girl in a pink dress walks up nervously to you with who he presumes is her sister. He’s too far away to hear your conversation over the chatter from people milling about, but your face lights up after she speaks. You pull a hot pink sharpie out of your bag and sign her playbill before handing it back to her. The sight makes his chest squeeze. He didn’t know you were good with kids, but it makes total sense - you’re good with everybody. 

Mike nudges him toward you.

“Go ahead,” he smiles, so Ricky does. 

“Hey,” he starts, pausing when a woman walks up to him, a little girl hiding behind her leg, looking up at Ricky in admiration. 

“Excuse me,” the woman says, getting his attention. “You were fantastic. She really loves High School Musical, and we wanted to know if you’d sign her playbill…” 

The girl looks up at him nervously, and he smiles, letting out a flustered chuckle. He didn’t expect this, he doesn’t even have a pen - but luckily as always you’re right behind him, extending a sharpie his way. 

“Yeah,” he smiles, “sure, of course!” He scribbles his name across the front before handing it back. “What was your favorite part?” he asks. She considers. 

“We’re All in This Together.” she decides, singing out the song title. 

“No way, that’s my favorite song too!” The way her face lights up is something he doesn’t think he’ll ever forget. She jumps excitedly that someone as cool as Troy Bolton has the same favorite song as her before hiding behind her mom’s legs again. The mom thanks him again before picking up her daughter. Ricky turns to you, not even needing to say anything. 

“I know,” you smile, “it’s the best, right?” 

“Yeah,” he agrees. “It is.” Your eyes light up that way they do when you remember something, and you reach into your bag. You pull out Ashlyn’s character shoes - thank god you remembered to bring them out with you - and gesture down the hall to where Ashlyn is talking to some of her friends that came to see the show. 

“I’m gonna give these back to Ashlyn, and I’ll meet you and our parents by the doors in like, two seconds.” He agrees, and you part ways. 

“Thank you!” Ashlyn gasps when you hand her the shoes. “I was looking everywhere for these.” 

She pauses, remembering how tense things got between you and Nini earlier before she left. 

“Was everything okay with…” she trails off, jogging your memory. 

“Oh,” you start, a little unsure of how to answer. “Yeah. Everything’s fine now.” You look off to the side, and she follows your gaze to Ricky. He’s talking to his dad and seems to be doing a lot better now, and you seem to be doing better too. 

As you make your way down the hall and across the lobby you’re stopped by a woman you don’t recognize, but she seems to know you, addressing you by name as she introduces herself. 

“I’m Kalyani Patel, the dean of the Youth Actors Conservatory in Denver. I’ve been following your career for some time, and I have to say, I’m very impressed. You’re incredibly talented and have a lot of notable credits for someone as young as you are. We have one more available place available for the upcoming semester, and we would be thrilled for you to attend.” 

“Thank you so much, Kalyani. I’ve heard a lot about Youth Actors Conservatory, and I’m so honored by your offer, but I’m not planning on switching schools at the moment.” You say as graciously as you can. 

“Of course, I understand.” She smiles. 

“Thank you again for the opportunity, and I hope we can work together in the future.” You smile back, saying goodbye, and making your way over to Ricky and your parents. 

After returning to the dressing rooms to write sad song lyrics and watch herself cry in the mirror, when Nina finally finds her moms in the lobby, she has a piece of good news for once.

“The dean of YAC!” she exclaims. 

“I thought they were full, sweetie.” Carol says. She and Dana had gotten a rejection letter addressed to Nini a few days ago, and were trying to find the right time to break the news. 

“She said a spot opened up,” she beams, “which means I’m going to YAC!” 

Her moms hug her, congratulating her on the good news, and that they’d discuss it in detail at home. Nina looks over to where you and Ricky are standing. He holds your hands in his while you talk quietly. You have no idea that soon she’ll be out of here, and you’ll never see her again. She was on the fence, but after what he said to you, she’s made up her mind. She’s leaving this town, and going somewhere that she’ll be appreciated, somewhere she’s wanted. If that happens to be a boarding school in Colorado, then so be it. ‘Take a good look’, she thinks, ‘because that’s the last you’ll ever see of Nini Salazar-Roberts.’ 

 After more mingling, congratulations, flowers, and playbill signing, you turn to Ricky.

“You ready to go home?” you ask, walking toward your car. He stops, turning to look at you. 

“You know what? No.” he lets out a breathy laugh. “I don’t want to go home. I… want to go to Denny’s! I’m a theatre kid, and I just finished my first show, and it’s like, tradition to go to Denny’s, so I want to!” You smile at his sudden enthusiasm, laughter matching his. 

“Yeah, okay,” you smile, “let’s go!” 

You both walk over to your castmates, who are trying to figure out a carpool to get everyone there before it gets any later. You nudge Ricky.

“So, does anyone need a ride to Denny’s, or should we just meet you there?” he asks. For what feels like the millionth time, everyone erupts into cheers. You know all your friends were worried about him after what happened, and Seb instigates a group hug, that everyone quickly jumps on to. You think it’s important to end the night on a good note like this, spending time with your castmates, cramming into booths and singing obnoxiously in an empty restaurant. It’s sort of a rite of passage, and you’re glad that Ricky’s able to participate, especially after opening night of his first show. 

You sleep over at his place that night. After everything Ricky’s been through, after he seems to finally be okay again, the last thing Mike wants to do is not let him spend time with someone he’s so close to - especially considering what a good influence Mike thinks you are on him. From what Ricky told him, you didn’t instigate any drama tonight, and spent every spare moment off stage trying to help Ricky through what was going on. It’s not the first time you’ve helped Ricky navigate the ups and downs of growing up in the time you’ve known him, so when Ricky asked if you could stay the night, he agreed. While you’re brushing your teeth, Mike pulls Ricky aside to talk. 

“I spoke to Nini’s moms,” he starts, and Ricky braces himself. “They’re going to talk to her, and I said I’d talk to you to make sure these last shows go smoothly, alright? So, no more fights, no arguing, no more of this… reality tv stuff.” 

“Believe me,” Ricky sighs, “I don’t want any more drama. Especially at the expense of the show.” 

“I know,” Mike agrees. “So just… it’s only a few more shows. Try your best to…” he looks for the words.

“Politely avoid each other?” Ricky supplements.

“Exactly.” Mike nods. “Just politely avoid each other for a few more days, and all this will blow over.” 

When he finally reenters his room, he hands you a t shirt to wear. He knows you probably brought pajamas, but he wants to tell you he loves you in as many ways as he can, like wearing his clothes. When you come back in and sit on his bed in his big shirt and your little shorts, he doesn’t think you’ve ever looked more beautiful. 

“Do you want to talk about anything?” you ask tentatively. 

“Not really,” he chuckles. “I feel like I’ve kind of talked it all to death by now.”

“You know what we haven’t talked about?” you ask, a look in your eye that immediately has his attention. “How Nina and EJ - but like, mostly Nina - ruined the finale of the show.” 

“Yeah,” he starts, remembering how stunned he was. “What the fuck was that?” 

You talk shit until you have nothing else to say about it, and soon you’re curled up under the covers together. You’re laughing and talking, and things almost feel normal again. It’s like every bad thing never happened tonight. He doesn’t know how you do it, how you make things feel so okay again, but he holds you tight, clinging onto the feeling. He was going to say it earlier, but he was so distracted by you, by how beautiful you are. 

“I love you.” he says, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He feels you smile against his chest. 

“I love you too, Ricky.” 

You sound so content, so comfortable with him, and he feels like his heart is going to burst. 

“I love you,” he says again, running his fingers along your waist. 

“I love you too,” you giggle sleepily. Every time you think he’s asleep, he says it again, and again, and again. He can’t help himself, he loves the way you blush and giggle, loves how warm you are against him, loves the way you say it back to him. It’s quiet for a little while, but you feel his hands still tracing little shapes into your skin. You glance up at him to find him staring at you  in that way that makes your stomach twist. 

“Close your eyes,” you mutter, drowsy. 

“But I love you.” he replies quietly, and you can hear the smile in his voice. “I love looking at you. I love everything about you.” 

“I love you too,” you answer groggily, and he doesn’t think he’s ever felt better than he does when you say it like that. “But we have a full day of school in the morning, then homework, then another show to perform in, so we have to get at least a little sleep.”

“Yeah,” he sighs, eyes growing heavy as the day catches up to him. “As long as we have time for coffee and peach scones.”

“There is literally always time for coffee and peach scones.” he chuckles at how quickly you respond. You lean up, pressing a kiss to his nose, then snuggle back into his chest. It’s his favorite time of day again, he realizes, where he gets to sleep next to you, and kiss, and cuddle. Except this time, it’s better than it ever has been, because right before you fall asleep, he gets to say it.

“I love you.” he breathes, kissing your forehead.

“‘Love you too.” you mutter, barely awake. Your words reverberate and replay in his mind as he closes his eyes, finally drifting off. He doesn’t know how the next shows are going to go, he doesn't know what’s going to happen tomorrow, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care about what will happen when the sun rises,  he’s just excited for it to happen with you. He sleeps better than he has in a long time. 

[yakuzacanons]

i just found you blog and omg 😭😭😭 thats honestly what i needed in my life! I recently started playing the games and ive been looking for a page like yours !!

Could i pls request some headcanons of a female s/o calming Nishiki (Kiwami 1) down after a fit of rage, where they endup cuddling and falling asleep together.

I've been reading your stuff so TYSM for writting for Tanimura and Shinada 🙏🙏 my underrated babies

Omg yes I'd love to do some content for our special koi boy Nishiki. Also yessss Tanimura fans rise up (Haven't gotten to Shinada in 5 yet but I stg as soon as I do it's so over, I am posting him). Mild spoilers for this one, specifically for Kiwami 1. Headcanons below da cut as per usual, have a great day anon!

Nishiki is the type of guy who wants to hide his imperfections from others, especially during Kiwami 1. He's under the most pressure that he's ever felt in his whole life and it's taking every fiber of his being to just stay afloat. He feels showing emotion about it is showing weakness and now is the worst time for him to appear weak. Despite any reassurances you may give him, he's still going to try to fight against these feelings, for better or worse.

It's hard enough to keep his family together, who clearly does not want to listen to a word he says and does not see him as an authority. Losing his sister was the last straw, especially after he tried so hard for her. It breaks your heart to see him so distraught but offering help just makes him rescind even further away.

You both know he won't be able to keep these feelings inside for much longer and the wrong comment from one of his low ranking family members is what makes him finally snap. He's beyond a pot boiling over. At this moment, Nishiki is more akin to a grease fire: sudden, intense, difficult to put out.

Before any of you can even realize what's going on, Nishiki is just absolutely raging. Even he never realized he was capable of such anger; everything until now was done out of love, for Kiryu, for Yumi, for his sister. Is there even any love left in his body to give, he wonders.

Quick to act, you hold him back before his fist can land, but Nishiki will resist, spitting out obscenities and holding back tears. The man who just narrowly escaped Nishiki's rage slinks away and the others in the room follow suit, but it isn't out of fear. You can hear them chuckling down the hallway about how Nishiki can't even actually get mad, that he's just at the beck and call of his lover and can't do anything by himself.

You hope Nishiki didn't hear any of that but the way he just completely slumps in your arms tells you everything you need to know. He heard it, all right, and to make matters worse, he thinks they might be right. He couldn't stop anything: not Kiryu going to jail, not Yumi going missing, not the death of his sister, not even his own feelings.

Nishiki just slumps to the floor, silent and tired. You kneel next to him and for once the both of you are completely silent. No more words trying to soothe his pain. No more excuses from him, no more "I'm fine, I can handle it". You both know the truth. It's too apparent now. Instead, you simply wrap your arms around him, pulling him close.

This gesture does so much more than words ever could for him. Immediately, he reciprocates, pulling you into a grasp so tight that it almost shocks you. Instead, you gently lay your head on top of his, which is currently buried against your chest and failing to hold back tears that have been bubbling below the surface for so long.

Nishiki sniffles, tries to find the words. His mind is racing for a reason, an excuse, an apology. You shush him with a simple "I know." and Nishiki just melts in your arms. Not sobbing outright, just quietly whimpering, finally feeling safe enough to actually feel all of these feelings that he's ignored for so long.

Eventually, you coax him to stand. His eyes still won't meet yours but he also won't let you go as if you're the very thing keeping him afloat right now. You gently usher him out and bring him back to your place, far away from the prying eyes of his family and the Tojo Clan and the cruel whispers of the city that you both learned to love and hate equally.

The second Nishiki sees the bed, he collapses on it as if his body finally recognized that it needed some rest. You can't help but crack a smile as you crawl into bed next to him. Deep down, he knows that you know who he really is, flaws and all, perhaps the only one truly he can trust right now.

Nishiki gently flops over, wrapping himself around you almost like a koala. You chuckle a little, gently joking at him, saying "Comfortable?" to which you only receive a soft grunt of approval. You reply with a kiss on his forehead, to which he finally meets your gaze. His eyes are filled with so many different things: hurt, anger, sadness, pain, and yet behind it all is still that faint glimmer of love, the Nishiki that only you really know. He manages a quiet but sincere "Thank you" before once again nuzzling his face against yours before the two of you fall into a gentle and much deserved deep sleep.

[bythewillows]

I'm happy I can find a reonagi shipper that doesn't hate nagi's guts lmao. Do you think there's potential for them to end up together (in a general sense, like friends) and build a healthy relationship?

I'm tired of everyone on twitter expecting nagi to mess up again and hating him, and i know it's a possibility, but i want to see some character progression and not them making the same mistakes of the past (considering nagi DOES feel apologetic)

I don't want to think he's gonna toss reo away again like nothing, like so many people say in twitter. It's clear that they don't progress in football when they're together, but that doesn't mean their relationship has to be broken as a whole.

But anyway, i came here to let it all out, twitter is so stressful and even the reonagi shippers are sure of this happening

I completely understand my dude!!! Coming here after feeding off mostly twt for discussions was like a breath of fresh air haha, made me take a step back and realize "hey these two kids just SUCK at communicating" ☠️

First off (long rant incoming), yea it does seem to be a general consensus among reonagi/nagireo twt that Nagi's gonna "throw reo away in breakup part 3" after they lost to Isagi again, even after teaming up at their bests, n it do be a downer. As someone w a similar expressive style to Nagi (basically, bad at verbal communication and taking social cues) I can't hate him for what he did to Reo bc from his pov and with his personality it makes sense how he reacted, even if it was cruel and hurtful to someone he considers a close friend. Especially a friend who treated him like Reo did, which is why everyone's pissed off. But people forget that Nagi didn't even have friends before Reo, and that he probably wouldn't know he was being hurtful (other than the "you're a pain, idc anymore" line bc wtf bro but in hindsight he's a teenager who 1) doesn't think things through, 2) acts on instinct and 3) v rarely feels strongly on anything in the first place, so Reo telling him he didn't care abt the two things that got him into football, Reo's dream and Reo himself, probably tipped him over). Does it make all the suffering Reo went through alright? No, ofc not, and Reo should get an actual apology from his blockhead partner, but it's rlly sad to see so many people hating on Nagi for being 17 years old with no empathy skills (he says he and his parents are more like friends bc of how little they interact,,,,his best friend before Reo was a cactus,,,,give the boy a pass 😭).

((((spoilers for after the bllk manga ch202 here so if you haven't caught up or read the leaks pls be warned!!))))

Personally, I think they will end up together for sure, playing side by side once their character arcs are fully fleshed out (bc they're PARTNERS DAMMIT, THE SPINOFF CH8 LIVES RENT FREE IN MY HEAD)—but whether they stay together after the Manshine v Bastard match can go either way. We saw how well they played together and how the entire Bastard team couldn't stop their first goal against Isagi, showing how powerful their partnership can be, but it didn't last. Even if reonagi are completely in sync, Isagi could still shut them down over and over again (and even Kaiser could see what they were doing) after that first goal bc of two things: Nagi hasn't evolved his ego, and Reo devoted his extremely adaptable (therefore unpredictable) playstyle to accommodate what Nagi would want best at the moment. Because of this, Isagi and anyone with metavision who gets a read on what kind of player Nagi is has the ability to counter whatever they do—because Reo will do whatever Nagi wants to do, and will always favor Nagi. He said it himself, making Nagi the best striker is his new ego and that all other players are second to him, but this is detrimental to both of them because it makes them even worse than how they were in the first selection. Back then, Nagi could still direct plays while playing with Reo once pushed and Reo still wanted to score goals himself (the spinoff expands on this further when they play against other teams and w/ zantetsu), but now that they've both levelled up their skillsets (and bc Nagi likes succeeding + is frustrated that his game making isn't good enough yet), they've turned into an actual codependent team up in which Nagi relies entirely on Reo's creativity while Reo only focuses on Nagi scoring instead of him scoring, even when he has the opportunity to.

It's...bad. Even Ego pointed out how the We Beat Isagi Goal™️ would test Nagi's ego, bc he won't feel compelled to try harder anymore, and that that goal could never be replicated bc the conditions were too perfect both emotionally and physically, so even if Nagi was at his peak at that point, he would no longer evolve past now since his goal of "beating Isagi" was completed in such a memorable way. Nagi is basically stagnant and every other player with metavision can take advantage of that.

Reo, on the other hand, is on the other side of this and evolving extremely rapidly. During Yukimiya's final goal against Manshine, Reo had actually seen through Isagi's pass and moved to stop Yukimiya from scoring (but was tragically a step too late, my poor 99% boi, kaneshiro-sensei pls stop making him take Ls) and even Isagi was shocked he could!!! Reo's raw adaptability is growing to be a real menace and his main motive for evolving this entire time has been for Nagi, to get him back and to get Nagi to acknowledge him as the one who's best for him—so what'll happen when Reo gets to a point where his evolution is so great that when he looks back, Nagi is still at the same place he was during the Manshine v Bastard match? When he comes to a realization that the guy who's literally his own motivation to evolve isn't even trying to keep up with him bc he doesn't have any motivation himself?

I'm p sure you've read this already but @okkottsus has a rlly great analysis on reonagi n their skills + dynamic that puts it into words better than I can ☠️

If you haven't tho pls do it's amazing (and even has pictures!!):

So yea, imo, after a bunch of character development (on mostly Nagi's end bc he's stayed p much the same other than actually liking playing football after the team z vs v match) they'll get back together, but as for now I'm p sure they'll have at least one more break 😭 it's sad but it'll be good for them in the long run and above all else I just want both Reo and Nagi to be happy and healthy for each other. It's weird to hate on or blame one of them for their fallouts bc they're such a complex relationship and they both care for each other a lot in their own ways but oh well, people have opinions *shrugs*.

Anyway I hope this loosely related bunch of rambling is what you were looking for anon!! Ty for the ask, I'm also vv happy every time I see a reonagi shipper who loves both boys and it's always nice to talk abt them <3