#New Hampshire rats

[ibuprofenkitten]

voice actors work so hard just for me to forget everything about the characters and titles

[dallasurr]

it’s always been just him and me together

[jllongwrites]

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Check out “Rat Knight in Rochester”, works by Brandon Cable in the Carnegie Gallery, at the Rochester Public Library, located at 65 South Main Street, Rochester, NH 03867. The exhibition is on view from October 9, 2023, to December 1, 2023, with a reception planned for November 4, 2023, from 1:00 pm to 3:00 pm. All are welcome! Visit www.rochestermfa.org for more information.

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Kevin, the Pizza Guy

A/N: To celebrate the upcoming 40th anniversary of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

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Set in the time between the 2014 and 2016 movies, in an alternative universe where Eastman and Laird live in New York instead of New Hampshire.

Kevin Eastman and his roommate, Peter Laird are in need of money. In order to make ends meet, Kevin takes up a job as pizza delivery. And one night, that would prove to be what he needed.

Thank you to @lovelyladylavie for giving me the idea.

Warnings: Spelling.

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Rain. Somehow, in the few weeks he had been doing this job, it was always raining when Kevin had to do his job. Whenever he had to get on his scooter with warm pizzas in the back, the rain always decided to pour down around him. So with an audible groan he placed the warm pizzas in the top box, before bringing a helmet down on his head. The scooter roared as he started it - that old piece of junk - and he drove off.

It had never been on Kevin’s bucket list to become a pizza delivery, but he had to do his part to make ends meet. He needed the money, and this job was hiring when he needed it. His manager was nice, if not a little strange. Kept talking about green creatures in New York, but never made Kevin or any of the staff members uncomfortable. But if Kevin could have chosen himself, he would have become a comic book writer. Kevin’s roommate Peter was a comic book artist. Not a very well known one at that, but he did help out on quite a few big time comic books. But it didn’t pay much. Especially not during these times. But Kevin and Peter marched on. Every night after their shifts, the two men would sit down at the dinner table and draw. They would come up with ideas and push each other’s creativity even further.

What Kevin wouldn’t give in that moment, to end his shift and go back home to the dinner table. The dark wet back alleys of New York City was not a place Kevin liked to be alone. Especially not with a top box full of pizzas. During his first shift, his coworkers had told stories of pizzas being snatched while their backs were turned. They would deliver one of the pizzas to an apartment and when they came back, the top box would be empty. Kevin and his coworkers were sure it was a homeless person that probably stole them, but their manager had other theories. Strange theories that involved green men…

But as much as Kevin hated these dark back alleys, this delivery recurred that he went down one of them. He didn’t have to do a quick drive through, no, he had to stay in there and wait. He had to wait for the clock to hit a certain time, before leaving the pizza boxes on the ground. He would then have to go out of the alley and wait half a minute before returning. There he would find the money and his tip.

Kevin did not like that one bit. He had read enough comic books to know that this was bad. Really bad. This was how you got mocked, or maybe even killed. But damn it, he needed the money, and whoever had ordered these five large family pizzas with strange toppings had promised a good tip.

Kevin did as the customer had instructed and drove down the alley. It was a narrow alley that ended in a dead end. There was trash everywhere. Filled dumpsters and open trash bags, most likely full of rats. Kevin shuttered at the thought. Rats in New York was nothing new, but he had never liked being close to any of them. Most humans probably wouldn’t like being close to a rat…

Kevin stood off his scooter and placed his helmet on the seat, before going over to open the top box and fish out the five large pizza boxes. He checked his wrist watch - it was almost the designated time. The customer had asked him to place the boxes on the ground and leave. But with all the trash and rats around… Kevin did not want to do that. Should he leave them on his scooter? No. He did not know who these people were, and it would be idiotic to leave his scooter with them. And if he left, he couldn’t be sure if he got his money. And Kevin really needed that money.

One minute until the designated time, and Kevin still hadn’t seen a soul in the alley. Not even the rats he had been fearing so much. No one. Just him standing with five large warm pizza boxes.

Half a minute. Kevin started to grow uneasy. A growing fear started to take root in him. Until he realized. They were probably there already, just waiting for him to leave. Hiding somewhere in the shadows of the narrow alley, watching him. It ran cold down his back.

It was time, and still nobody had shown themself. Unsure of what to do, Kevin the pizzas closer, looking for movements among the trash.

“Uhm… hello?”, Kevin called out. No answer. “I’m here with the pizzas you ordered”.

“Drop them like we told you to”.

Kevin almost jumped and the sound of a deep booming voice. It was quickly followed by hushed voices, telling him to shut up. He growled something along the lines of wanting his pizza and not letting a scrawny human hold them from him. Kevin looked around in confusion, trying to locate the voices in the alley.

A second voice sighed. “Look, we have had a very long night and would very much like it if you did as we had asked”. It was then Kevin realized that voices weren't coming from the alley. “We want our pizza, our father is at home waiting for his pizza. My brother here gets quite grumpy when he is hungry”.

“I don’t get grumpy!”

“Shhh! Not now Raph! - As I was saying…”

Kevin looked up to the top of the nearest fire escape. He gasped at the sight that met him. Even though they were hidden by the shadow, Kevin could make out four muscular figures, all of them standing high and tall on the building. He started in shock as one of them continued to speak. But one of them, the tallest, noticed him staring their way.

“Uhm… Leo”, he said, catching the attention of the talking man. “I think we’ve been spotted”.

“Not on my watch”, the first voice growled before jumping down from the building, the three others screaming no, telling him not to do it.

Kevin starred in terror as the largest of the four landed before him. The man before him was anything but a man. Big, tall, muscular, green. His face was wrapped in red in a red bandana, a toothpick in his mouth, and in his hands he carried a pair of sais. Sharp pointy sais. With a low growl he took a step forwards, causing Kevin to almost trip against his scooter. Kevin could not believe the sight before him. A big green man, just like his boss had rambled on about.

“I want my pizza”, the big red clad brute growled.

“Raphael!” The three other green men jumped down from the tall building, landing next to the big one, who looked as if he was ready to jump Kevin. The one in blue grabbed the red one by the shoulder. “We’ve gone over this! You can’t just do stuff like that!”

“But I’m hungry Leo! And this guy is crushing my pizza! Can you smell it? It’s getting cold! And you know I hate cold pizza!”

“I told you we should have ordered chinese”, the purple one mumbled, causing the red one to growl at him.

“I like this guy!”, the orange turtles exclaimed, smiling big and bright as he got up Kevin's face. “Can we keep him?!”

“Mikey, no”, the blue one sighed in frustration, rubbing the bridge of his beak.

“But Leo!”, the orange turtle wailed. “He got pizza!”

“Mikey, we can’t just keep humans”, the purple one said. “That is wrong”.

“But we did that with April!”

“You make it sound like we keep April as a pet”.

“But she is our pet!”, he smiled, almost dreamily as he remembered this girl by the name of April. “My Anglecakes!”

“You’re gross”, the red one grumbled, crossing his arms.

For the first time in what felt like forever, Kevin let out a breath he did not know he was holding. This caused the blue one to turn his attention towards the shaking Kevin. Without any words, he marched over to Kevin, fishing some money out of pocket. He took the pizza boxes from Kevin’s hands, before giving them to the red one, his anger subsiding a little. He held the cash up for Kevin to see, before lowering himself to Kevin’s level.

“You can’t tell anybody about this”. He took Kevin’s hand, forcing the crash into his palm before closing it. “Got it?”

Kevin nodded slightly, but he couldn’t stop himself. The question burned on his tongue, and he could not stop himself before he blurred it out. “But- but… who are you? What are you?”

Something flashed in their eyes, as if they were reminded of something. A small smile creeping upon their lips.

“We’re teenagers-”, the orange one said proudly, as if he had been practicing for this exact moment.

“Mutants-”. The red one cracked his neck while doing so.

“Ninjas-”, the blue one said with a nod.

“Turtles”, said the purple one, pushing his glasses up on his beak.

Kevin nodded, his mouth agape. He did not expect himself to keep so calm in this situation. “Well I’m Kevin… the pizza guy”.

“Aw, guys! Even he has a cool name!”, the orange mutant turtle said. “I bet he has a Christmas album too!”

“Quit it with that Christmas album!”, the red turtle yelled. “You make me cringe so hard I think my shell’s about to crack!”

“Okay, that’s enough”, the blue one said, handing them their pizzas. “It’s time to go home. Master Splinter is waiting”.

“Leo’s right”. The purple turtle took his pizza box. “You know how rats get when they're hungry”.

Rats?! Kevin once again felt a shiver run down his spine. Mutant turtles and rats? This was only getting more and more crazy.

“Donnie’s right. We have to go”, the one called Leo said. “We have to get going”.

“It has to be quick”, the one called Raphael said, looking into his pizza box. “They’re getting cold”.

“That’s not good”, Mikey said. “Dad hates his pizza cold!”

In less than half a second, the four mutant turtles went to the fire escape and started to climb up, easily balancing a pizza box in one hand.

“See you around, Kevin!”, Mikey called out, spinning the pizza box in his hand.

“Shut it, shell brain”, Raphael grunted, pushing for Mikey to move.

Kevin watched the turtles despair up the fire escape, their still barely warm pizzas in hands. It took them less than a few seconds, by incredible strength and incredible speed.

Kevin stood still, even long after they disappeared over the rooftop and into the night. He finally stopped to listen to his own heart. It was beating fast in his chest. His breath sounded like he had been running a marathon. But as he continued to stare at the last place he had seen the mutant turtles, he remembered what he had in his hand. Money. Kevin took a closer look at the money Leo had given him. He gasped when he realized how much it was.

Kevin blinked, realizing what he had just seen. Four teenage mutant ninja turtles… Hmmm, that had a pretty good ring to it. Kevin put the money into his pocket before turning to his scooter. Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Leo, Raphael, Mikey and Donnie… Pizza loving with a rat dad? Kevin started the scooter and drove out the alley. Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Goodness! That was it! Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles! Kevin had to tell Peter about this! It was absolutely absurd! No one would believe him! And therefore it was an amazing idea. It was a comic book waiting to happen, and Kevin was ready to write it!

Kevin slammed the breaks on his scooter when he realized; Mikey said he would see him around. He would see them again. The mutant turtles would order pizza from him again.

Kevin happily started the scooter again, almost singing out loud.

This would be the best comic book ever!

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A/N: Happy 40 years guys!💙❤️💜🧡

Now let us forget that the Christmas album ever was a thing

[emwheezie]

Who are you choosing if my characters were in a dating sim?

Lennon:

Gremlin mode

Daddy issues

Bad hair

Musical/Creative genius. Perfect pitch

Ambitious

Doesn't shower

Ate a lasagna once

Doesn't know how to use his words

Fights drywall

Movie watcher

Chicken addiction

Street smart

Closeted Weezer fan

Dunkin Donuts

Shoes on the bed

Green Day

Might be silly

Goes up the stairs on all fours

Stressed/depressed/poorly dressed

PBC singer and lead guitar

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Tony:

Purple

Crazy driver

:3

Mall pretzels

Catholic school survivor

Emotionally smart/book smart

Stressed/depressed/dressed to impress

Afraid of getting old/ugly

Wants to fight the MBTA

Might be delusional

throws up from anxiety

Redbull and Taco Bell

Loves dogs

Green Day

Poetic

Saw Moses (biblical) in the woods while high with Theo

Bisexual

Lactose intolerant

Finds meaning in everything

Always in a relationship

PBC bassist and "manager"

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Enzo:

Evil

Might have killed a man

Man Bun

Posts on DeviantART

Loves dragons

whispers and shakes

Future tattoo artist

Movie connoisseur

Might be a furry...?

LOVES the Saw movie franchise

Protective and loyal

Street smart

Stays up all night in the dark

In an online relationship

Does what he wants

Doesn't waste time

Sparkling water enjoyer

Tea drinker

Never listened to a music in his life

Guitarist in a band (PBC)

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Theo:

From New Hampshire

Asexual

Golden retriever personality 

Grew up with 8 siblings

Joined the military after High School

Eats Oatmeal?

Doesn't wear a seatbelt

Outdoorsy/hiking adventures

Works at a club/bar with his wife, Gia

Is a cinnamon roll

Emotionally smart

Saw Moses (biblical) in the woods while high with Tony

Calls music his "funky jams"

Forgets his shoes

Mtn Dew

Forgetful

Kidney Stones

His appendix exploded once

PBC drummer

---------------------------------------------

Park:

Loves alcohol

Hates the government

Hates the IRS

Has never paid taxes

No sense of personal space/very touchy

LOUD

Climbs things

Grilled cheese enthusiast  

Dunkin Donuts manager

Aliens are 4 realz

loves video games

Wicked smart

Goes to MIT for like space engineering or something idk

Makes monkey noises

"I have to be both the sexiest and most mentally challenged person in the room at all times"

Obsessed with skin walkers

Conspiracy theories

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Oli:

Photography/cinematography 

Graphic design

Urban Explorer

Abandoned things

Summer time vibes

Lives in sleeveless shirts

Black coffee drinker

health freak/gym rat

Smokes cigarettes (hey we all have our vices)

Secretly gay

Chronic complainer

Works at zumies

Does graffiti 

Runs from his problems

Travels for work

Drives a modded Subaru

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Alyssa:

Preforms unethical experiments in the sims 3

Loves cows

So many many plushies there's no room for her in the bed

weezer fan

Talks a lot

Lots of keychains/charms

Maximalism!

Assertive

Good listener

Workaholic 

HAS to be the BEST at anything she does

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Rosie

Grew up with strict parents

Working too many hours at Dunkin Donuts

Former ballet/dancer

Likes to bake and really good at it!

Compulsive liar

"I have a twin sister who goes to another school"

Gets jealous easily

Body image problems/eating disorders :(

Emotionally Immature 

Spider eyelashes

A nose ring is "rebelling from my parents"

Currently in college

Afraid of change

Emotional support eldest daughter

Loves to sing

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 14 thoughts

i just finished the episode and stared at the screen for a bit and then burst into laughter because. what the hell did i just watch?

all i could think of while viewing this episode was that video of brittany broski in epcot sipping on a drink, shaking her head in confusion, and saying "heyyy! what are we doing?"

lmao. okay. so let's start from the top. man hold on i'm giggling again due to how baffled i am. okay i need to Get It Together.

(i assume that those who read this blog are already familiar with this episode so i'm not gonna list TWs and i normally don't feel the need to but we get some... interesting flavors here, like child abuse and antisemitism mention. and to be clear, i am not laughing at those- i am laughing about how utterly confused i am, and how i have no answers to anything, and only more questions than before this episode began)

so the episode title is in german and i had no idea what it meant but it was quickly explained. we'll get to that.

we start at a PTA meeting- a parent-teacher association, arguably the scariest of all settings we have yet encountered. and they're arguing about the school musical. someone wants to do jesus christ superstar (banger show) but they think that is inappropriate so i'm like oh, they're just super christian, and hippie jesus must offend them. and they also shoot down the idea of grease for language so this only reinforces my belief.

they start praying, which was in line with my earlier assumptions, but they're praying to satan. which raises the question: why does satan care if the musical grease says "fuck"?

(but this made the idea of JCS being inappropriate very very funny)

they're chanting the german that the episode is titled, which means "his is the hand that wounds" which tracks i suppose

now we're in the woods of new hampshire, with some teenagers, one of which says this girl's mittens are "giving him a gingrich". so i looked that up thinking it was some sort of 90's slang i was not versed in, but the only result was a reddit post trying to figure out what they meant in that exact episode. which did make me feel justified.

so these teens are being creepy, reciting things at a witch's altar and it looks like the boys are gonna try and be weird with the girls. they're doing some reciting and RATS BE UPON YE.

they're making a break for it, when the lead guy's neck is snapped. and we don't see by who.

enter our agents! the policeman is saying that he KNOWS they listen to that devil music, to which mulder quips, "the night chicago died?", so i had to google THAT too, and its a song about al capone. so i'll look into that i suppose.

policeman is like noooo, it's that evil METAL music

they're examining the altar, and scully asks who he was with, and the policeman says uhh we thought he was by himself? she says well, there's two six packs here, which generally suggests company, and also here's a scrap from a book. why didn't your guys notice this? and i thought this was going to be a plot point, how the cops were overlooking basic details, but they just sucked for no reason lmao

i also made a note that her hair looked really good here. a little wavy. the way i wished my hair looked.

mulder's going on about this place having a weird feeling, which i wish he would elaborate upon, but she's saying nooo, it's nothing, until...

toads fall out of the sky and onto their umbrellas.

YES BABY!!! CAMP TV!!!! TOAD SHOWERS!!!

(also gonna NEED their reactions in gif form at some point because i'm howling)

((and also how did they film that? go to the toad store to pick up some background actors?))

they go to the library to try and trace down who had the book they found the scrap from, and scully's theory is that the toads must have been brought by the tornadoes that were recently in the area. this is a scully approved theory.

they go into the school to try and talk to the surviving boy, who is sitting in science class with a sub, and when they announce they are looking for him the kid tries to jump out the window. but mulder is a track star and grabs his legs before he can fully yeet himself out. and i'm thinking to myself, if the FBI came and grabbed some kid in my science class, i think i would pass out.

our agents pull this kid and the two girls who were there aside for questioning, and the boy says he was just trying to "get some". at the witch's altar. a sick and twisted juvenile.

CUT SCENE to the PTA who say amongst themselves that one of them must have killed the boy, whose name is jerry, but they all deny it. he was killed with his heart and eyes ripped out, which is in line with their practices. so yeah that's suspicious but after that episode of trophy hunting killers, it could be anyone.

but when our agents enter the scene, the PTA say that it must have been the media that brainwashed the kids into satanic killers. and scully is like. if that were the case there would be tens of thousands of murders. and they say "okay so you get the stakes here" which had me howling. "tHe mEdiA iS bRaInWaShInG tHe cHiLdrEn" <- wow this is something i cannot say i have heard in the year of our lord 2024 (/s)

when they walk out of the school, mulder stops to get a drink at a water fountain. which is already funny because that's a grown ass man. when he notices that the water is going down the wrong way for the hemisphere they are in. and i'm laughing because why the HELL does he know which way the water is supposed to go down the drain. like i have never thought of that in my entire life and i guess now i will.

(btw this is never explained. we don't know why the water goes the other way here. witchcraft, i guess)

at this point, i'm thinking, this substitute teacher has to be the killer, and she opens up the drawer of her desk to put away the tests the students were taking, and we see a heart and eyeballs. gasp! i paused the screen here to make note of this revelation and the eyeballs on stalks looked sososo funny. and she just COVERS THEM UP with some papers which i can imagine must have been hard to grade after being soaked in blood.

they take a trip to the school therapist and mulder says boy, there are an awful lot of cases of mental health troubles here. and the doctor says, yes, this is high school. which honestly? i remember high school and yeah. that does track. it was a strange time. but mulder is not pleased with this explanation and expects that it's something deeper

scully went online and found what sounds like a report on the case- a boy killed with his eyes and heart removed- and mulder is like omg where did you get this?

well. i did not see this coming.

she then keeps reading and it is deeply antisemitic. actually allow me to do a verbatim report from the notes here:

"she went online and i was like haha she used this newfangled internet :) AND THEN SHE READS AN ARTICLE CALLING A SIMILAR CASE ACTUAL BLOOD LIBEL?? MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR IN RECORD TIME oh she found it in a Nazi newspaper from 1934... oh my gosh y'all i thought this was going in a VERY different direction"

so i thought that maybe this was framing the murder as an act of religious persecution? but it wasn't. they just threw that in there for... reasons?

mulder explaining wiccan lore... yeah that's a man who has studied religions

at this point, we are back in the science classroom, and the substitute teacher is handing out baby pigs. OUGH. i am so glad i never had to do that in school.

this poor girl is about to cut into the pig and she looks like she is going to be sick, which is in all honesty exactly what i would have been doing, but then she starts screaming and seeing things like the pig moving??? and squeaking???

she runs to the office, where the agents are serving looks in a corner, and she's told her dad is gonna come get her, but she runs away and mulder chases her and says "you're remembering!" because he is once again convinced of the reality of repressed memories due to his own personal experience

they're staring at this teenager as she sits crying on a picnic bench spilling her life story and again, the whole dealing with kids thing, who thought this was gonna be part of the fbi? not me!

this girl is crying, saying that her stepdad used to hurt her, and that they would chant and tie her and her sister up.... and well. this next part will also be best delivered from my notes verbatim:

"THEY WOULD GET ME PREGNANT AND THEN THEY WOULD KILL THE BABIES???? HUH??? I'VE HAD THREE CHILDREN AND THEY'RE ALL BURIED IN THE CELLAR??? STEPDAD KILLED HER SISTER??? WHAT THE FUCK"

and boy we do not even sort have time to unpack all of that. but it is safe to say that i was thoroughly gagged, and our agents seem only mildly surprised. in retrospect, i think they didn't believe her, which was further proved by a line like "imagine if what she is saying is true", but i, the viewer, believed her pig-induced memories

the girl is hysterical, and scully moves closer to hug her, and hold her while she sobs into her trench coat, and i'm sitting here wondering what is going on (very few answers are delivered btw)

(shoutout to scully to letting a strange teenager cry into her while confessing to all of That)

so the agents go over to the girl's parent's house, the stepdad of whom is in the PTA cult btw, and they ask about the things the daughter told them and i was shocked because. if they really WERE killing babies, telling them they knew about it could perhaps allow the parents to tamper with the evidence sitting in the basement. but the parents are shocked by the whole thing.

scully is asking why the daughter would say all this- and the mom is saying that her and stepdad have been having marriage problems- but i don't think that leads to THESE SORT OF CLAIMS?

at this point, i was deeply confused. i had no idea what to believe or where the narrative was leading me beyond the fact the substitute was evil. i wrote that i was "mentally putting up a board and there is string everywhere and i'm trying to figure out what is going on"

the girl had mentioned a sister who was killed by the stepdad at age 8- and scully says, well did you have any other kids? and the mom says yeah, one who died. and was she 8 when she died? not 8 years, but 8 weeks.

so what is going on here

scully is trying to be pretty careful and tiptoe around the situation, figure out what is real and what isn't, whereas mulder gets alone with stepdad and just asks him "did you do it?" which had me HOWLING. absolutely zero subtlety in this man.

he opens the door to the cellar and it SLAMS shut and stepdad man gets VERY angry and tells them to leave. can you do that? kick the fbi out while they're investigating you? i didn't realize that was an option

okay, so the girl is trying to make up her final, and is back with the substitute making up her pig autopsy because it's a final and of course you don't want to miss a final! the teacher takes her jewelry so it doesn't get dirty which makes sense to me, but then we see her in her office burning it over a candle??? and she's MOANING??? and it seems she's controlling the girl into CUTTING HER ARM??? she's bleeding out on the floor. and i'm still wondering what the hell is going on. but this poor girl is dead.

the agents are at the crime scene and the substitute is being weird af but i guess that's to be expected of someone who just did psychic murder

the PTA committee says the energy is very bad and they need to do a sacrifice to clear the air... so they say they're gonna frame the girl who just died as killing jerry, the og murdered boy, and say that she was jealous he liked another girl. and the stepdad seems pleased with this plot, which only made me further believe that he did the evil things he denied.

so at this point i was thinking, has anyone thought to check the cellar and see if there are in fact babies down there. no? just me? okay

mulder smells incense in the substitute's office, which she says is to cover the smell of pig, but he knows is also used in black mass, and frankly i'm shocked that it didn't set off the fire alarms, because i went to public school and i know how finicky those things are. but the situation is looking sus as hell because the actual teacher she's subbing for has only EVER missed these two days of school and also apparently he's out with... flesh-eating bacteria? that seems a bit odd, don't you think? AND no one can recall hiring this substitute.

there was a very loud and spooky clap of lightning here that felt reminiscent of the halloween specials of shows i used to watch as a kid. and i was wondering if this was perhaps meant as a halloween special of sorts. can anyone confirm.

mulder must have picked up on me telling him to go check the cellar for babies, so he gets a warrant and goes down there, but STEPDAD IS WAITING FOR HIM IN THE DARK! he's monologuing about his religion, and being raised to think that humans are no better than animals...

but then those in the PTA decided they would frame his dead daughter for jerry's murder, he realizes he IS better than an animal! better late than never for such a basic realization to hit, i suppose?

he also says that his beliefs were responsible for her being killed. so i hoped he would elaborate and surprise. he did not.

he admits to including them in ceremonies because the blood of the young is very powerful (???) but he says he never hurt them the way she claimed. and there were definitely no babies. she must have gotten that from the tabloids, and it mixed in with the repressed memories. which doesn't sound like how repressed memories work so i do not trust this guy still.

meanwhile the substitute is doing some witchery, while scully is still in the school! this cannot bode well for her!!!!

mulder is shocked by stepdad's stupidity, and says "did you really think you could call up the devil and ask him to behave?" which is objectively a banger line, even if used quite literally

the witch/substitute is moaning again and she's dialing numbers and mulder's phone rings, and scully's voice says there's something going on in the school, so he handcuffs stepdad to the cellar to get tf out of there, and locks the door behind him, but the cellar door OPENS????

A SNAKE IS COMING NOW???? he is BIG and is he gonna EAT stepdad...?

YES HE IS??? BOA AROUND THE NECK AND TORSO??? HUH?? what is going ON.

mulder arrives at the school just as the snake begins to feast, and he has his gun drawn and does his famous "scully?" yell, when he bursts in on her... just chilling in the dark and doing her work LMAO. he's all "why did you call?" and she says "i didn't?"

meanwhile the snake is doing some serious eating and the SUB HAS SNAKE EYES NOW?? HELLO?

they rush back to stepdad's place, where they find the door unlocked, and nothing but human bones on the ground and what looks like a snake track, which scully points out is impossible because it would take HOURS for a snake to eat a human and then weeks to digest...

and he makes some comment about her watching TLC and i'm thinking, well, i feel like knowing how long a snake would take to eat a human is more relevant than knowing which way the water goes down in a sink, so don't try and nerd shame her here.

but they find a snakeskin so they know it's a snake, and they remember there was a snake in the classroom, so it's time to get back there because clearly he has been consumed and there is not much that can be done to undo being eaten

the PTA folks are having a conference, talking about the death of stepdad, and how they need to make a sacrifice, and they say that if mulder knows what the sacrifice is for, it'll make it more meaningful, so ARE THEY GONNA SACRIFICE HIM??????

when mulder and scully return to the classroom, the substitute is moaning on the floor, saying she thinks the PTA folks killed the boy, and i'm like uh-huh, for sure, snake woman

scully opens her drawer and finds the eyeballs which are pretty incriminating... but as they go out to return to the substitute...

the PTA ATTACKS! a bookshelf is thrown on scully, and mulder is beaten by two men. and they are tied up and taken to the gym showers???? here i wrote "what the hell, there are two minutes left in this episode" and i was hoping it would somehow resolve itself so we didn't end up with another two parter and i could go to sleep after this in peace

(which. it did wrap up in those two minutes but i'm confused so there is little of the aforementioned peace i hoped for going on)

so the PTA crew has a dagger and a gun for sacrificial purposes, and they're about to be sacrificed in a high school gym shower, when the substitute uses her witch powers to make the PTA members turn the gun upon THEMSELVES, and frees our agents from their trouble. sort of. because they are still tied up and wet in the shower.

(does anyone know what the hell is happening.)

they stop writhing about and make it back to the classroom, where the substitute has written a note saying it's been nice working with you and then she's gone.

hey!! what ARE we doing here?

so i don't even know where to begin. i feel a lot of questions were raised and not one of them answered. what was up with that girl saying she was forced to give birth? were the parents denying it because it didn't happen or were they covering up the truth? what was with the whole eight year old vs eight weeks old dead sister? did the substitute kill jerry AND the girl, AND the PTA, and then just... leave? was she the dark force they were worshiping taking revenge on their lack of faith? but if that were the case, why would she kill the PTA members who were about to make a sacrifice? why would she kill the two kids and three adults but spare the agents? where did she go? why did she briefly have the eyes of a snake? where did the snake go? how did he eat a whole person that fast?

man. i'm not sure i've ever been so baffled.

was this an attempt to comment on the satanic panic? like, was the show pointing out how silly it was, or validating the fears of people across america?

i'm so deeply confused. can someone tell me if i'm missing something. was there some overarching theme that went over my head. is this setting up a part two where there will be answers. or is that the whole thing.

?????

[stawpny]

I awaken from hibernation to give you this:

northeastern states with a cat

—

New York: the one who brings the cat into the NE wing despite Gov not wanting pets and the rest of the NE wishes.

New Jersey: the one who buys the food for the cat and treats it like his child.

Massachusetts: the one who is so reluctant to a cat at first but falls in love with it after a few days (fights w/ NY abt the cat)

Pennsylvania: took him a while to warm up to the small animal but lets it sleep on his lap if it wants (he’ll fall asleep too, old man 🤧)

Rhode Island: the one who is happy that there is someone/something else in the house that’s smaller than him, but also secretly hates it

New Hampshire: the one who hides the cat under the table at meals and pets it

Maine: the one who gets the cat toys to play with and sometimes brings it into his room and sleeps with it

Vermont: the one who dresses it up in costumes and makes it look silly

Connecticut: the one who is the most hesitant to the cat, the most law abiding, but eventually gives up after Mass and Penn gave in

Delaware: like Cut, but will hold the cat whenever he can and sometimes brings it to the southern wing

—

-they’ll name it something extremely soft. I was thinking Sprinkles or something like that (idk why 😭) and they’ll introduce it to anyone who comes in like it’s a child.

-They will fight over the cat, even Delaware and Connecticut.

-^ but they always make sure that it’s not in the room with them when they fight (no bad examples here)

-Massachusetts is a sucker when it comes to animals, just like NY, but more domestic animals.

-New York will have to hide his rats and pigeons, but he’s willing to make that sacrifice.

-^ He also gets with NJ and makes fun of all of his fellow states on how they love this animal

[eternalglitch]

Bro. Bro, I am PRAYING for you. When I was 10, I brought a tree frog into my house and kept it in the closet in a tank because we didn't live in a very tropical area then (New Hampshire), so I was captivated by it. Eventually, I released it again, but for whatever reason, I didn't dump out the tank or notice what was in there, and well. We gradually began finding teeny tiny tree frogs around the house. Like those guys were EVERYWHERE. The most notable place I found one was in my shoe AFTER I'd put them on. I actually only realized once I'd already gotten into the car, but somehow they were alive because the shoes were thankfully a little too big for me. That couldn't be said for many others around the house, though, and I still feel guilty for it. 💀 My mom rightfully scolded me for the mistake.

See here's where it gets even funnier: that happened to me as a kid TOO. TWICE BEFORE. I had a pool in my childhood backyard, and frogs used to swim in it in the summers. Sometimes I would catch them and keep them for a day.

Same story, eggs happened, suddenly there were hundreds of frogs escaping into the house. The first book I ever wrote is technically about this event because something something time is circular. The second time it happened I at least took the eggs to the local nature preserve that took care of them because these were a native species.

So yes. NIGHTMARE!! NIGHTMARE SCENARIO!

Also it is sadly true that for rats and frogs when they procreate it is very hard-to-impossible to have a 100% survival rate and it just SUCKS. Particularly when it catches you by surprise. It's nature, as these are animals that intentionally are able to create LOTS of babies very fast for this purpose, but I get very sad about it when it's under my watch.

[anthromimicry]

upon seeing the bingo card in front of her, misao seemed to be surprisingly okay with the results. and i say 'surprisingly' because don't tell her i said this but... she might've been ranting to her tarantula, rosie, all morning about just how hopeless her love life seemed at the moment. a hum that conveyed her nonchalance slipped through her mouth then as she looked over the boxes otis checked out, ❝ ahh, don't hate me for saying this, but i had a feeling we wouldn't exactly be a 'match.' though there are some good boxes checked out here. things like how you don't dislike spiders, as well as that you'd let me be myself around you, and how you wouldn't mind my diet. though are you sure about that last thing? ❞

misao looked up from the bingo card with a doubtful expression on her face, a slightly incredulous chuckle slipping through her lips. maybe he thought she was just a carnivore or something? i mean, misao certainly knew that she hadn't told otis about her peculiar heritage, ❝ because you and me might not have the same idea of what my diet is like. but pssh, we don't need to talk about that now! all i wanted to say is you give off the vibes of someone who'd rather be with someone much more lowkey than me. which is fine, because you're not really who i'd go for in a guy in terms of appearance, anyhow. ❞ the jorōgumo shrugged then before placing the bingo card down and stood up from her seat.

misao reached over into a cardboard box that it seemed she still hadn't unpacked yet (and that is a little weird, considering that she'd been living in gotham for at least half a year now, but oh well) only to pull out an old looking photo of her with someone. a man, it looked like, who was wearing a suit with wavy jaw-length hair was in it and appeared to be lifting her up bridal-style in the photo as she laughed. whenever this was taken, they were both happy. misao even appeared to visibly melt a bit at the sight of him now as she held the photo out for otis to see, ❝ this is the only man i've ever been with, in fact. his name was sohan matthai — i'd met him whenever i was living in new hampshire. he's handsome, isn't he? ❞

a loud laugh left her lips, though only a small part of the boisterousness of it was genuine. ❝ and definitely had darker hair than you. so, don't take it personally! though i'm sure you've got your hands pretty full with the whole... rat shtick you've got going on, right? ❞ misao honestly had no idea what to call otis's connection with rats, so she supposed 'rat shtick' would just have to do.

[coderfortourette]

State’s Lunar New Year Animals

I researched this last year. I’m too lazy to look back if I already made a post about it, so I’m just doing it again. 

These are the lunar animals for the states based on the dates they became states. It took a while because I had to actually find a source that went that far back

Dogs: Rhode Island, California, Alaska, DC 

Dragons: Tennessee, Maine 

Goats/Sheeps: Delaware, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Georgia, Connecticut, Massachusetts, Oregon, Utah, Oklahoma 

Horses: Iowa, Minnesota Monkeys: Maryland, South Carolina, New Hampshire, Virginia, New York, Louisiana, Arkansas, Michigan. Wisconsin, Kansas 

Oxen: Mississippi, North Dakota, South Dakota, Montana, Washington 

Pigs: Vermont, Ohio, West Virginia, New Mexico, Arizona, Hawai'i 

Rabbits: Alabama, Nebraska (That’s this year)

Rats: Kentucky, Indiana, Nevada, Colorado 

Roosters: North Carolina 

Snakes: Missouri, Florida, Texas 

Tigers: Illinois, Idaho, Wyoming

[rat-off-string]

rat my dear mutual.. what are some things you like..

(unless you have been asked this before)

HI SPAGHETTIIII my DEAR mutual.

i HAVE been asked this before but i'll answer it again because i love talking about myself because my ego is big.

I LIKE SPLATOON. i dont even play that game (cant afford a switch) ive just been absorbing splatoon content second hand. my faves pearl & frye i love the forehead gals they have very mecore energy aslso. also splatoon music goes hard as FUCK

anyway music i love music. let me tell yuo about my music ive been listening to lately. - New Hampshire (PWR BTTM) - Piedmont (Destroy Boys) - Ergophobia (Psychadelic Porn Crumpets) - Club Foot (Kasabian) - Horny Hippies (The Dodos) - Something Soon (Car Seat Headrest) (i also prefer the teens of style version)

boy that sure is a lot of music. erm what else do i like. i like poetry and i like eating food and i like doing art. yay !

[asleepygeorgian]

1/50 states done! Alabama had to think of one word for each state. What do ya'll think?

Alaska Next!

What everyone says if ya can't see it.

Alabama: (me) roll tide

Alaska: alone

Arizona: heat

Arkansas: hogs

California: annoying

Colorado: weed

Connecticut: idk

Delaware: first

Florida: chaos

Georgia: bulldogs

Hawaii: i dont see her often

Idaho: potato

Illinois: corn

Indiana: corn

Iowa: what

Kansas: ?

Kentucky: bourbon

Louisiana: crawfish

Maine: uhh idk

Maryland: crabs

Massachusetts: masshole

Michigan: hates ohio

Minnesota: cold

Mississippi: country

Missouri: tigers

Montana: who?

Nebraska: corn

Nevada: feather hat

New Hampshire: idk

New Jersey: mean

New Mexico: mexico

New York: rats

North Carolina: barbecue

North Dakota: cold

Ohio: ohio state

Oklahoma: tornadoes

Oregon: ducks

Pennsylvania: penny

Rhode Island: idk

South Carolina: clemson

South Dakota: cold

Tennessee: friend

Texas: cowboy

Utah: elder

Vermont: idk

Virginia: somewhat southern?

Washington: dc

West Virginia: country roads

Wisconsin: cheesehead

Wyoming: nothing

[walshparker]

who: @idaclarke where: spring carnival when: after parker's dunk tank shift

parker was bent over in a position that, were she any less poised, might suggest she'd eaten too much carnival food before going on a ride. other clues that hinted that she wasn't getting sick, but had just crawled out of the dunk tank, included a towel-wrapped waist and a brush securely grasped in one hand. with all of her hair draped over one shoulder, she ran it through the strands like one of the mermaids in peter pan (1953, of course), until each tangle was resolved and her back began to ache. then, standing up, parker brought the towel around her shoulders in an attempt to block the wind, a chill continuously creeping up her limbs. maybe the dunk tank in april, in new hampshire, hadn't been the smartest volunteer opportunity to take advantage of. but, what the hell, it'd been fun. and, judging by the crowd that lingered around the games, there was more fun, still, to come. one blonde, in particular, caught parker's eye as she passed, the girl dropping her brush into her large boat & tote before signaling a wave. "i'll lay off the kissing booth jokes if you refrain from calling me a wet rat."

[corvidsoulp]

Thoughts on the 50 states of America

(All jokes, me and my friend made this out of pure boredom)

1. Alabama---incest is only cool of you're a Victorian noble family

2. Arkansas is actually spelled Arkansaw

3. Why is Arizona so damn hot???

4. Kansas--Not Kansaw

5. New York is full of rats and turtles

6. Just leave Alaska to the Canadians

7. Guys please just leave Hawaii alone

8. California girls we're unforgettable

9. What even is New Jersey?

10. Illinois--Chicago

11. Do we really need Delaware?

12. Colorado

13. Connecti-cut it out of here

14. Do we really need Maryland?

15. Florida--leave.

16. Georgia- ass state 🍑

17. Washington--cold brrrrr 🥶

18. Nevada--Gamble away your first born son

19. Oregon smells like weed

20. West Virginia, mountain mama (country roads, take me home)

21. North Carolina--North of South Carolina 

22. Idaho's only purpose is to fuel America's growing population of fast food addicts (me)

23. South Carolina--South of North Carolina

24. Kentucky fried chicken

25. Louisiana only exits in Disney's "Princess and the Frog"

26. Hannah Montana

27. Michigan is just a lake

28. Nebraska--doesnt actually exist

29. Tennessee whiskey

30. Texas--yeehaw brother. Beer, Ford F150, Cowboy hats yeahhh

31. Maine only exits in Disney's "Bunk'd"

32. I am in Missouri

33. Mississippi- I only know how to spell it

34. Oklahoma<-- better as Jack Stauber's "Oh klahoma"

35. Heaven, Iowa

36. You are a Virginia

37. North Dakota-North of South Dakota

38. South Dakota-South of North Dakota

39. Wisconsin only exists in Disney's "Liv and Maddie"

40. Do we really need Rhode Island?

41. Pensilyvainia <-- Literally a hotel with monster dilfs wtf42. Vermont (unnecessary

42. Arkansaw

43. New Hampshire---Wheres old Hampshire???

44. Ohio     no.

45. New Mexico---WHERES OLD MEXICO????

46. Utah- I did a math problem about the area of Utah

47. (Why)oming

48. Do we really need Macassucutes?

49. Are we sure we need Indiana?

50. Minnesota is actually a soda brand

[emwheezie]

Tag yourself as one of my characters!!

Lennon:

Gremlin mode

Daddy issues

Bad hair

Musical/Creative genius. Perfect pitch

Ambitious

Doesn't shower

Ate a lasagna once

Doesn't know how to use his words

Fights drywall

Movie watcher

Chicken addiction

Street smart

Closeted Weezer fan

Dunkin Donuts

Shoes on the bed

Green Day

Might be silly

Goes up the stairs on all fours

Stressed/depressed/poorly dressed

PBC singer and lead guitar

----------------------------------------------

Tony:

Purple

Crazy driver

:3

Mall pretzels

Catholic school survivor

Emotionally smart/book smart

Stressed/depressed/dressed to impress

Afraid of getting old/ugly

Wants to fight the MBTA

Might be delusional

throws up from anxiety

Redbull and Taco Bell

Loves dogs

Green Day

Poetic

Saw Moses (biblical) in the woods while high with Theo

Lactose intolerant

Finds meaning in everything

Always in a relationship

PBC bassist and "manager"

----------------------------------------------

Enzo:

Evil

Might have killed a man

Man Bun

Posts on DeviantART

Loves dragons

whispers and shakes

Future tattoo artist

Movie connoisseur

Might be a furry...?

LOVES the Saw movie franchise

Protective and loyal

Street smart

Stays up all night in the dark

In an online relationship

Does what he wants

Doesn't waste time

Sparkling water enjoyer

Tea drinker

Never listened to a music in his life

Guitarist in a band (PBC)

----------------------------------------------

Theo:

From New Hampshire

Married

Asexual

Golden retriever personality 

Grew up with 8 siblings

Joined the military after High School

Eats Oatmeal?

Doesn't wear a seatbelt

Outdoorsy/hiking adventures

Works at a club/bar with his wife, Gia

Is a cinnamon roll

Emotionally smart

Saw Moses (biblical) in the woods while high with Tony

Calls music his "funky jams"

Forgets his shoes

Mtn Dew

Forgetful

Kidney Stones

His appendix exploded once

PBC drummer

---------------------------------------------

Park:

Loves alcohol

Hates the government

Hates the IRS

Has never paid taxes

No sense of personal space/very touchy

LOUD

Climbs things

Grilled cheese enthusiast  

Dunkin Donuts manager

Aliens are 4 realz

loves video games

Wicked smart

Goes to MIT for like space engineering or something idk

Makes monkey noises

"I have to be both the sexiest and most mentally challenged person in the room at all times"

Obsessed with skin walkers

Conspiracy theories

----------------------------------------------

Oli:

Photography/cinematography 

Graphic design

Urban Explorer

Abandoned things

Summer time vibes

Lives in sleeveless shirts

Black coffee drinker

health freak/gym rat

Smokes cigarettes (hey we all have our vices)

Secretly gay

Does graffiti 

Runs from his problems

Travels for work

----------------------------------------------

Alyssa:

Preforms unethical experiments in the sims 3

Loves cows

So many many plushies there's no room for her in the bed

weezer fan

Talks a lot

Lots of keychains/charms

Maximalism!

Assertive

Good listener

Workaholic 

HAS to be the BEST at anything she does

----------------------------------------------

Rosie

Grew up with strict parents

Working too many hours at Dunkin Donuts

Former ballet/dancer

Likes to bake and really good at it!

Compulsive liar

"I have a twin sister who goes to another school"

Gets jealous easily

Body image problems/eating disorders :(

Emotionally Immature 

Spider eyelashes

A nose ring is "rebelling from my parents"

Currently in college

Afraid of change

Emotional support eldest daughter

Loves to sing

[airasilver]

DOVER, N.H. -- As the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles grew to become a pop culture sensation, the place where they were conceived rarely got mentioned.

It wasn't the New York City sewers, where the Turtles mutated from regular reptiles into a crime-fighting quartet who battled foes with nunchucks, snark and pizza. Rather, it was a small city near the New Hampshire coast.

A new exhibit hopes to put that community, Dover, New Hampshire, at the center of the Turtles' story and, in turn, attract Turtle-obsessed fans or anyone else who grew up reading the comics and watching Ninja Turtles movies and TV shows. At one point in the 1980s, the frenzy around the Turtles was called Turtlemania.

“It's the birthplace,” said Kevin Eastman, who, along with Peter Laird, created the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 41 years ago when the two shared a house in Dover. The first issue went on sale a year later. “That’s where the Turtles were created. ... It is very historic and very important to us.”

The Turtles' exhibit opened last month at the Woodman Museum, which houses an eclectic collection that includes a stuffed polar bear and a Victorian funeral exhibit replete with a horse-drawn hearse.

With its explosion of colors and cabinets full of action figures, the exhibit aims to be the place to go for all things Turtles.

It starts with franchise's humble beginnings in Dover, where the duo formed Mirage Studios, a play on the fact they were creating the first comic in their living room rather than an actual studio. Inspired by Eastman's fascination with turtles and martial arts, they came up with the crime-fighting Turtles and self-published their first comic in black and white.

“We hoped that one day we would sell enough copies of our 3,000 printed, $1.50 comic books that we could pay my uncle back,” Eastman said, adding that they had no intention of writing a second issue until fans asked for more.

“We loved our characters. We loved what we did. We told the best story we could. We hoped for the best,” he continued. “But I also could never have imagined that one comic book would lead to any of this.”

Ralph DiBernardo, whose store in nearby Rochester sells comics and games, was among the first to champion the Turtles. He knew Eastman and Laird from selling them comics and was the first person to sell their Turtles comic commercially after purchasing 500 copies. But he said at the time, it seemed more like a favor to friends than a business decision, with him thinking, “those guys are never going to make their money back.”

“To watch them go from two struggling guys just barely getting by to becoming multi-millionaires, it’s that American dream story that just never happens,” said DiBernardo, who remains friends with the two artists.

The exhibit details the emergence of the Turtles as a global phenomenon, featuring pizza-obsessed characters with catchphrases such as “cowabunga” and “booyakasha.”

Among the exhibit's highlights are a video game console where visitors can play Turtles arcade games, vinyl records of soundtracks from Turtles movies and signed, first-run Turtles comics, including some valued in the tens of thousands of dollars. The marketing power of the Turtles is also on display, with everything from Turtles-inspired Christmas ornaments, throw rugs and backpacks to a talking toothbrush.

In the middle of it all is a set of massive bronze statues depicting the four turtles — Leonardo, Michelangelo, Donatello and Raphael — along with the mutant rat and resident sage, Master Splinter. The display was one of 12 made as part of a fundraiser by Eastman to benefit a museum in Northampton, Massachusetts.

“The Ninja Turtles are a multi-billion-dollar international franchise, and they originated here in Dover,” said Jonathan Nichols, the executive director of the Woodman Museum. “So, it was a no-brainer for us to incorporate the Ninja Turtles here. This gallery is really a celebration and the history of the turtles from their creation to today.”

Eastman said the exhibit demonstrates the Turtles' widespread appeal, which he attributes to their heroic natures and that they operate almost like a family that bickers but also works better as a team. Fans also love that they are “four green, mutated turtles not of any race, creed or color.”

“Anybody could be a Turtle,” said Eastman, who now lives in Arizona but plans to attend a Manchester, New Hampshire, comic convention later this month. He said he loves “talking to the fans not only about what they love about their Turtle,” but also “what their favorite Turtle is.”

“I ask who they relate to. It tells a lot about their personality,” he added.

The exhibit's opening is part of a larger effort, some say long overdue, by Dover to embrace the Turtles. A state historical marker went up next door to the museum last year recognizing Dover as the birthplace of the Ninja Turtles. A few blocks away, a decorative manhole was placed in front of an empty lot where the creators' house once stood.

“I grew up here in Dover and had no idea that I was actually growing up in the town where they were created,” Nichols said. “So, once that really started being brought to the forefront, I think it was just a huge push in the town to really make that well known.”

Nichols said he has had a few super fans already visit decked out in Turtles' attire. But the other day, the exhibit was drawing visitors who had come to see other parts of the museum and found themselves going down memory lane with the Turtles.

“Just memories of the Turtles eating pizza,” said Heidi Stephenson, who was visiting with her family from Canada.

David Sarge, a cook from Pennsylvania who was an avid comic book collector as a teenager, said the exhibit brought back memories of attending a Portsmouth, New Hampshire, comic convention where the first comic was sold. He purchased signed editions of the first two Turtles comics but allowed youthful exuberance to get in the way of what could eventually may have been a big payday.

“I traded them shortly thereafter for some reefer and I regret that to this day,” he said with a laugh.