#Natalie Ryan is a man

[coochiequeens]

The PDGA is not financially or logistically in a position to take the lead in multi-state litigation on this topic,” wrote the organization in their statement. “For the first time in recent memory, the PDGA will end the year with a net operating loss, and it is not in the best interest of our members to continue to allocate resources to further litigation.”

There it is. Instead of using funds to create a third category open to anyone who identifies differently than their bio sex TRAs just wore down an organization to let men bully their way into women's sports.

By Reduxx Team December 23, 2023

The Professional Disc Golf Association (PDGA) has been forced to drop their new regulations on men who want to participate in women’s competitions after being sued by a trans-identified male player. The lawsuit was launched earlier this year by Natalie Ryan, who had been dominating women’s competitions prior to the PDGA attempting to rein in male competitors.

Ryan first filed a suit against the PDGA in U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of California this past February. In his complaint, he argued that a recently-adopted PDGA policy prohibiting trans-identified males from competing with women if they had undergone a “male puberty” violated his civil rights and California laws against discrimination.

“The policy adopted by the PDGA and [Disc Golf Pro Tour] is arbitrary and capricious and in violation of Plaintiff’s right to be free from discrimination based on her gender,” the suit said, arguing that policies restricting widespread male participation in women’s sport “denied [Ryan] and other transgender women, who in the eyes of California law are women, full and equal access to the accommodations, advantages, facilities, privileges, and/or services of [PDGA] organizations.”

Yesterday, a settlement between Ryan and PDGA was announced. While the full terms are not available for public consumption, part of the agreement included PDGA dropping the policy which banned males from competing with women unless they had begun transitioning prior to puberty. This change means that all males who had undergone at least two years of hormone therapy are able to compete with women once again.

In a statement, PDGA revealed that a lack of funds was part of the reason why they were unable to fight against Ryan’s litigation onslaught, with Ryan having filed suits against them in two separate states.

“The PDGA is not financially or logistically in a position to take the lead in multi-state litigation on this topic,” wrote the organization in their statement. “For the first time in recent memory, the PDGA will end the year with a net operating loss, and it is not in the best interest of our members to continue to allocate resources to further litigation.”

The rule revision is set to go into effect on January 1, 2024, and will be in place through at least the end of the 2025 season.

Following the settlement agreement, Ryan boasted of his victory on Instagram.

“All trans women will be equals at the elite level again. This is my victory. I had to be ruthless to get them to listen. I’m glad I can put that side of myself away,” he said.

Ryan has already signed up for a 2024 Tour Card and intends to play at most Disc Golf Pro Tour and Major events. 

The now-quashed PDGA policy is widely believed to have been proposed in response to Ryan’s performance in the female category, with the male athlete rapidly rising through the ranks and beating out elite female competitors.

In September of 2022 at the Disc Golf Pro Tour, Ryan easily defeated the world’s number 1 ranked female competitor, Kristin Tattar, taking home $9,000 in prize money. Months prior, at the Great Lakes Open in Milford, Michigan, Ryan walked away with $6,000 for a first-place performance, beating out the world’s current number 2 ranked female player.

Despite having only participated in women’s Disc Golf for a short few years, Ryan is currently ranked amongst the best “female” players in the world. Last year, after topping the Disc Golf Pro Tour, Ryan ranked into the top 5. Despite not participating in some major events this year due to his lawsuit, Ryan still ranks in the top 15.

Last year, two anonymous female disc golf players spoke with Quillette‘s Jon Kay and stated that Ryan’s biological sex was undoubtedly bolstering his success in the sport.

“I would say that one of the biggest advantages of the [male-bodied] players is their ability to scramble in tight situations when a disc goes off the fairway, to just stand there and blast a shot through the woods,” one of the women said. “I’ve seen both [trans player] Chloe [Alice] and Natalie [Ryan] do this. They’re just standing still and throw the kind of [forehand shot] that I’ve never seen a female throw even under perfect conditions.”

The other female player added: “What makes it worse is that Ryan’s form isn’t even that good. If it were, [he’d] be out-throwing us by even more. So while the rest of us spend years refining our form, trying to keep up and get more distance, [he’s] been in the sport only—what?—three years or something.”

Another female disc golf player, Jennifer Castro, revealed that she was aware of female athletes refusing to join tournaments where transgender players were enrolled due to the stark performance advantage.

“I personally know of women who refuse to sign up for events if a transgender is playing, not because we hate them but because we feel we have zero chance, so what is the point of wasting our money on registration fees?”

Speaking to Reduxx, Marshi Smith of the Independent Council on Women’s Sports (ICONS) condemned the PDGA and DGPT for buckling under pressure.

“Rest assured the DGPT has not seen their last courtroom. We will fight back on this. Men like Ryan cannot threaten sports bodies with financial ruin so they capitulate to misogynistic entitled demands tossing women aside,” Smith said.

ICONS had previously thrown their support behind protecting women’s disc golf, and the organization had held an emergency press conference following the initial news of Ryan’s lawsuits last year.

A number of female disc golfers participated in the Save Female Disc Golf campaign, slamming a Minnesota court judge who ordered PDGA to allow Ryan to participate in a tournament he had been barred from.

“Organizations must have a backbone and stand on fairness and integrity for their athletes – women included,” Smith added, revealing that ICONS has now launched a fund with the intention of supporting female athletes who wish to challenge male-inclusive policies in court.

“Men like Ryan have the backing of activist pro bono lawyers but we are building our own war chest for female athletes now. We refuse to surrender the hard-earned achievements of women and are prepared to stand firm.”

[bob-the-movie-man-film-reviews]

Presence (15): A Ghost-Eye-View of a Slowly Fragmenting Family.

One Mann's Movies FIlm Review of "Presence". 'BE' the ghost in Stephen Soderburgh's clever (if not wholly successful) spooky experiment. 3/5.

A One Mann’s Movies review of “Presence” (2025). “Presence” – no, not a Christmas film (LOL!) This is the latest film from the prolific stable of Steven Soderbergh and it’s a creepy, rather than scary, ghost story with a twist. Bob the Movie Man Rating: “Presence” Plot Summary: A spirit roams the empty rooms of a suburban house watching as the Sullivan family move into it. Most seem oblivious…

[teaboot]

Different actors and artists I mistakenly thought were the same person for a really long time:

Adam Sandler and Ben Stiller (? Tall face dad man? Comedy. Brown hair blue eyes. Early 2000's Blockbuster Video regulars.)

Kiera Knightly and Natalie Portman (Scary and pretty like an android that would eject me from the space shuttle)

Kiera Knightly and Kristen Stewart (K-names, queer kid kryptonite, pretty)

Justin Timberlake and Orlando Bloom (Pretty face white man, teens love him)

Ryan Reynolds and Paul Rudd (Thin face brown hair white guy? Comedy? Superhero with red suit. Immature dad vibes. "Pull my finger" type energy)

Celine Dion and Shakira (Pretty and tall multilingual blonde singers?)

Michelle Pfeifer and Uma Thurman (Odd name? Blonde? 2010 era songs about them)

Gene Wilder and Mike Myers (Cannot explain)

Individual actors I always thought were two different actors:

Lucy Liu in "Kill Bill" and Lucy Liu in everything else (I keep thinking Kill Bill came out in the early 70's and Lucy Liu does NOT look older than my mom)

Natalie Dormer (Though she was a bunch of different blonde women who looked alike but it's just her)

Actors and artists who I cannot recall ever seeing in my life, whose appearances I make up in my head whenever people talk about them:

Uma Thurman (Blonde? Very pretty. Red lipstick. Like Marilyn Monroe but a sharper chin.)

Stevie Wonder (A handsome Black gentleman in his late forties. Always in a tuxedo.)

Gilbert Godfrey (Peewee Herman??)

Celebrities I can picture in my mind with absolute photographic clarity:

Mike Tyson

Doug Jones

Miss Piggy

Public figures whose names I've heard of through pop culture osmosis but retained zero information about:

Roger Whittaker

Grace Earl Jones

Casey Anthony (??? A person??)

Akon

Greta Herwig (I think that's a person)

Tony Montana (Fictional???)

[corroded-hellfire]

As You Wish - Eddie Munson x Reader, Part 8

Collaboration with the Dusty Bun to my Steeb @munson-blurbs 💚

Summary: The unresolved fight between you and Eddie continues as your birthday comes around and he still won't come to celebrate with you and your friends.

Note: I can't believe it's been over a year now since I started writing this series. That feels insane to me. I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

Warnings: alcohol, drunkenness, smut, p in v, unprotected (wrap it up), oral, f receiving

Words: 6.1k

[As You Wish masterlist]

Today should have been perfect. 

For one, it’s your birthday, and it coincides with your off day from classes. You got a free coffee from the local café this morning. And your friends are planning a night out at the bar now that you’ve finally reached the legal drinking age. 

But it’s not perfect, because you and Eddie still haven’t spoken since your argument. To be honest, you’re not sure if he even wants to fix things. 

It’s all you thought about the whole day while you babysat Danny and Amelia Harrington. You force yourself to concentrate on the road as you drive to pick the older kids up from school, the youngest two safely buckled in the car seats. 

Ryan and Natalie walk out first, bundled up to fight off the heavy wind and animatedly discussing some intense second-grade gossip. Luke and Theo trail behind, play-fighting until they reach the car. 

The sliding doors have barely opened before Luke is climbing into the car and shouting, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

You wince, massaging your ear with your forefinger. “Thanks, little man,” you say, and the rest of the group chimes in with their own cheers. 

“I got you a gift!” Luke chirps, something crinkling in his grasp. He hands you a bright blue snack pack of mini Oreos. It’s opened and currently only contains a single cookie. 

You smile gratefully, trying not to laugh. “My favorite!” you exclaim, taking the lone Oreo and popping it in your mouth. 

Ryan digs into his backpack and takes out a yellow piece of construction paper. “I made you this card,” he says shyly. 

It reads, “Happy Birthday to the best babysitter in the world!” Below the printed words, he’s drawn himself, Luke, you, and Eddie. Your heart pangs when you think about that stupid fight, the one where you’d both let your insecurities run wild. 

If this is the end of the relationship, how will you break it to the boys?

You don’t have time to ruminate on that before Luke leads everyone, even baby Amelia, into a very off-key rendition of Happy Birthday to You. Even if Amelia can’t speak yet, her melodic mumbling and gurgling only enhanced the performance. They’ve barely taken a breath after the song is finished before Natalie and Theo are asking questions. 

“How old are you?”

“Are you gonna have cake?”

“What presents did you get?”

Luke, of course, pipes up with a request of his own:

“Since it’s your birthday, can we get McDonalds? I want a Happy Meal.”

When you get back to the Harrington household—sans McDonald’s to Luke’s disappointment—you situate the two youngest in front of the television and pop Mulan into the VHS player for them. Once you’ve made sure Amelia is securely in her walker and Danny is cuddled up on the couch between his favorite teddy bear and his stuffed rhinoceros, you head into the kitchen to prepare a snack for the older kids.

The four of them seem to be doing alright with their homework as you put one bowl of baby carrots and one bowl of Cheez-It crackers on the table. Unsurprisingly, four small hands grab for the processed orange snack, bypassing the healthier option all together. 

For the next hour or so you flit back and forth between the dining room to help with homework and the living room to attend to any toddler needs or upsets. The time passes quicker than you would’ve thought, and you’re surprised when you hear the front door unlocking. You had known Steve and Nancy would be coming home early today to give you a chance to go out and celebrate your birthday, but the hour snuck up on you. 

The moment that Amelia hears her parents step into the house, she’s no longer interested in the avalanche that buried the Huns and has the urgent need for her mom to pick her up. 

“They weren’t too much trouble, I hope,” Steve says as he reaches up to muss Theo’s hair. The little boy just ignores him as he tries to figure out the math problem he’s been working on for the last five minutes. 

“Nah, not too bad,” you say. Trying to contain a smirk, you lean in towards Steve and speak in a loud conspiratorial whisper. “Except…these two,” you say, gesturing to Ryan and Natalie. “Evil masterminds.”

Natalie just hmphs and tosses her light brown hair over her shoulder while Ryan sticks his tongue out at you. With a chuckle, you walk over and press a kiss to the top of the eldest Munson boy’s head. 

“I’m gonna get going, okay?” you tell him. The truth is that you definitely have time to spare before you have to start getting ready for the bar tonight, but you want to make sure you’re gone by the time Eddie gets here. 

Ryan turns in his seat to look at you and opens his mouth, but before he can speak Eddie enters the house. Your body has had many different reactions to Eddie over the course of you knowing one another, but the one that comes over you now is completely foreign. Heat seems to rise to your cheeks, but it feels like your veins are made of ice and you could snap them beneath your skin if you moved too quickly. 

Eddie toes off his chunky black work boots by the front door and does a double take when he sees you standing by Ryan. He gives you a tentative smile and you give a small nod in recognition. Needing to focus on something else, you look back down at Ryan and gently move some of his growing honey colored hair off of his forehead. You can still see Eddie in your periphery though. He’s coming closer towards you, and it feels like every step he takes makes your heart race a little faster. 

Once he’s so close that you can’t avoid looking at him, you notice a small pink gift bag in his hands. Eddie’s deep brown eyes are looking down at it too, but you both raise your heads simultaneously and meet each other’s gaze. Pain and longing radiate off the two of you so strongly that even baby Amelia could probably sense it. 

“Happy birthday, Sweetheart,” he murmurs, offering you the bag. 

Slowly, you reach out to take it, the white tissue paper that sticks out of the top crinkling beneath your fingers. You give Eddie a polite smile and start to leave, but Luke stops you in your tracks.

“You gotta open it!��

A nod is the only response you can give Luke, not trusting your voice—or even knowing what you’d say. Biting your lip, you ruffle through the pristine white tissue paper and pull out a pair of earrings fastened to an earring card. They’re beautiful. Three tiny hearts stacked on top of each other, all purple and connected by silver chain links. The urge to put them on immediately is strong, 

“The hearts…one’s for Ryan, one’s for Luke, and one’s for, um, me,” Eddie explains bashfully as he slips his hands into his pockets. 

Your eyes fill with tears, a cacophony of emotions in each drop. 

“Thank you,” you say quietly, bending down to hug Luke and Ryan. You stand up and face Eddie, feeling the boys’ eyes drilling into you as they wait for you to embrace their dad like you always do. 

You lean in and give him a small hug, lingering for an extra moment. He smells of motor oil and sweat, but you can’t get enough. It’s a test of wills to tear yourself away from him. As you pull back, a tight smile forms on your face.

“I should get going,” you tell them kindly.

“Where’re you going?” Luke asks. 

You ruffle his hair lovingly. “My friends are having a birthday party for me. But I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Or,” Ryan offers, dragging out the word, “we could treat you to dinner tomorrow.”

Luke grins. “Can we go to McDonalds?”

You can’t help but laugh. The boys bring you more humor and joy than they could possibly imagine. 

“You boys are too much sometimes,” you tell them. If you’re being honest, you would love to spend time with them and Eddie, even if it’s just eating fast food. Anywhere with the three of them becomes its own adventure. It breaks your heart knowing there’s still this friction between you and Eddie and you’re not exactly on speaking terms. You can’t dwell on it, though. Not tonight.

When you arrive at the bar, it’s bursting with people. Groups have gathered to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day, clinking oversized mugs teeming with foamy beer. It’s much noisier than you’d normally prefer, but you’re glad for the excess sound to drown out your thoughts. 

Jess spots you immediately and waves you over to where she, Lily, and Paul are sitting in front of the bartender. As soon as you plop down on a stool, Lily places a sash around you. 

“It’s my 21st birthday? Really?”

“Well, it is!” she quips with a laugh. “Besides, people will totally buy you drinks if you wear this.”

She isn’t wrong. You take shot after shot, eventually losing track of the total amount. A tiny voice in your head reminds you not to mix light and dark liquor, but it’s too late for that. 

Your friends keep toasting to the ‘birthday girl,’ which prompts more people to cheer and offer to treat you to another round. By the time you get up to dance, your head is spinning. 

You sway along to Bon Jovi’s ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ until you can no longer stand. Jess is kindly letting you lean on her, her arm wrapped around your waist, when you feel a soft tap on your shoulder. 

“Can I buy you a drink?” an unfamiliar voice asks, tone laced with sultriness. 

You turn around to see a guy about your age, a ten-dollar bill between his pointer and middle fingers. 

“Oh, I-I shouldn’t,” you start, but Lily jumps in instead. 

“She would love that.” She smiles at him, then whispers in your ear, “the best way to get over Eddie is to get under someone else.” She sticks out her hand to the mystery man and introduces both herself and you. I don’t want to get over Eddie, your brain thinks before drunkenly attempting to focus on what the man in front of you is saying now.

Mystery Man smiles. “I’m Stefon.”

Unbeknownst to you, one Wayne Munson is watching the entire encounter from across the bar. It isn’t his usual digs, but the guys from the plant invited him out for drinks to celebrate the holiday, and he obliged. 

He sees you take another drink with trepidation, a young man resting his hand on your hip. It seems like you’re barely aware of what’s going on, sending a queasiness through Wayne’s stomach that definitely isn’t from the alcohol. He’s used to minding his business, but when the guy puts his arm around you, he makes the decision to call Eddie from the payphone. 

Just under fifteen minutes later, Eddie is pushing his way into the smoky and boisterous bar, eyes anxiously scanning for you. A surge of relief floods his veins when he sees your beautiful familiar face amongst the sea of green clothing, but the feeling is short-lived when he sees you leaning on a strange man. 

It’s hard to tell if you’re aware that you’re leaning on him or not, because you’re talking to Lily animatedly. The man has his eyes glued to you, but he may or may not be on your radar. Your boyfriend isn’t waiting to find out, though. Eddie’s met your friend Paul who you’re out with tonight, so he immediately knows it isn’t him with you and Lily, so he shoves his way through the crowd and shoulders the mystery man out of the way and gently holds your arm to steady you. 

“C’mon, let’s go home,” Eddie says, speaking loudly to be heard over the crowd and music. He’s doing his best to be inconspicuous but you’re too drunk for that.

“Eddie!” You fling your arms around him in a hug and let out a loud and giddy laugh. Eddie feels a small surge of pride when you seem to forget all about the guy standing there—if you’d even remembered he was there to begin with. When he looks into your eyes, he can see the glassiness from the alcohol as well as glee that seeing him caused. “Eddie, what’re you doing here? You didn’t wan’ be here!” 

He takes a deep breath, inhaling a lung full of secondhand smoke. “You need water and sleep, baby,” he says, trying to be heard over the music.

“But it’s my party!” you whine, giving an exaggerated pout. “An’ you didn’t come ‘cuz you don’t love me.”

His brows shoot up as his heart falls. “I don’t love you?” Obviously, you’re drunk but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less.

“Nuh-uh.” You scrunch your nose. “Maybe you do, ‘cuz you’re here now.” Your frown quickly flips to a drunken smile. “We should dance! ‘Cuz you love me!”

Eddie tilts his head, giving you a skeptical look. “I thought you said I didn’t.” 

“But you came here to see me, so you do,” you explain as if it’s the simplest thing in the world. The fact that you’re swaying where you stand doesn’t help your credibility though.

Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie can see the man you were leaning on finally slink away. Apparently, he only needed to hear the confirmation that Eddie does indeed love you.

“Let me take you home, princess,” Eddie says, doing his best to keep the irritation out of his tone.

“That sounds like a line,” you say with a giggle that’s interrupted by a hiccup. 

“It’s probably the most chivalrous thing anyone’s said to you tonight,” Eddie says, looking around at the other men in the bar like they’re vultures, ready to step in and claim you for their own. “Come on, sweetheart.”

“Fine,” you lament with an over dramatic sigh. “But just cause you’re so cute.” You giggle again as you lean against Eddie. 

At least she’s leaning against me now, he thinks bitterly. Too exasperated for more words, Eddie just presses a kiss to the top of your head and laces his fingers with yours—tightly, so he won’t lose you in the crowded bar. 

Eddie catches Jess’s eye where she’s leaning against the bar and nods towards the door, letting her know that he’s taking you home. She nods in return and gives a thumbs up. Eddie scans the crowd to see if he can spot his uncle, but there’s just too many people.

“Hey, you’re not wearin’ green,” you say once you’re outside in the cool night air. The air feels fresh yet too silent after being in that stuffy place. 

“Hmm?” Eddie hums as he helps you into the passenger’s seat.

“No green! Is St. Pagrick Day though!”

“Your birthday is a far more important holiday,” he says as he closes the door for you. He doesn’t even consider if you heard the words or not, it was his inner monologue just coming out. 

The drive back to the apartment starts off with you chattering on, still feeling good from the drinks.

“It’s so cute that the boys wanna buy me MiDonal’s! They’re the sweetest boys ever. Where are we goin’? Oh, hey! You’re movin’ into your new aparment soon. Do you still wan’ me to—hey look, a dog!—wan’ me to go shopping for the stuff that you need? Eddie? Are you still mad at me? I hope not. I don’t like when we fight. I never wanna fight witchu. I love you! I never loved no one before, ya know. Just you! I was only bein’ such a pain in the butt because I wanna be by your side. Like partners. Wanna help you and have fun with you and do all the things with you. I hope you wanna be that with me too! Like Bonnie and Clyde! But no stealing or dying. Do you, hey, hey Eddie, do you remember that time a long time ago you said you liked that blue shirt I wore? Ya know, the one with the buttons and sleeves? Well, now it’s my favorite—”

Eddie glances over, concerned that your speech—that was highly amusing to him—stopped so abruptly. You’re just looking up at the streetlights as they pass, your eyes getting heavier by the second, the mesmerizing sight lulling you to sleep.

Eddie chuckles to himself and the rest of the drive is quiet.

When you finally arrive back at the apartment, you’re practically comatose in the passenger seat. Eddie half carries you up the stairs and holds you close to his side with one arm while he unlocks the door with the other.

Somehow, he manages to get you laying down on your bed without bumping into anything on the way. You look up at him with a sleepy smile that Eddie swears is the cutest thing he’s ever seen. 

“I’m gonna help you change, okay? I don’t think that dress will be comfortable to sleep in.”

You nod absentmindedly as Eddie grabs a pair of your pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt. Eddie is an expert at undressing you by now but it’s harder when your body can’t even hold itself up. The green dress gets stuck on your nose as Eddie pulls it off over your head and it makes you giggle, though it’s much softer than your laughter in the car. He slips your pink plaid pajama bottoms over your white lace panties and chuckles to himself as he sees he pulled a Rugrats t-shirt out of your drawer. An amused smile grows on his face as he shakes his head.

“Better?” he asks.

A big yawn accompanies the nod that you give him. Satisfied that you’re not going to fall over if he lets go, Eddie walks towards the head of the bed so he can pull your blankets down. It takes both of you working together to get you beneath the blankets.

Once you’re settled, Eddie shucks himself out of his jeans and t-shirt and climbs in bed next to you. Without any hesitation, you scoot over and rest your head on his chest. He wraps his arm around your shoulders and presses a kiss to your head.

Eddie isn't sure if in the morning, once you’ve sobered up, you’ll still be fighting or not. He doesn’t want to be, but he also knows the issues haven’t been resolved between the two of you. What you said tonight about Eddie not loving you definitely has to be addressed tomorrow—whether you were drunk or not when you said it, he doesn’t care. 

Soft snores begin to fill your room and Eddie smiles to himself. His eyes slip closed, and he holds you a little tighter against his body.

“Happy birthday, baby,” he says into the darkness.

You wake up the next morning with a dull headache. It definitely could be worse, especially considering how much you’d drank last night. 

There’s two Tylenol and a bottle of water on your nightstand, none of which you remember putting there…

You shift positions and see Eddie curled up on the pillow next to you, wearing just his boxers. Soft snores punctuate the rise and fall of his chest. 

“Eddie?” you whisper, eyes wide. 

He stirs and stretches, giving you a small smile. 

“Morning, baby.” He presses a soft kiss to your forehead. “How’re you feeling?”

“Um, just a headache. Not too much of a hangover.” You’re working to figure out exactly why he’s here. 

He grins. “Must be nice to be 21,” he jokes. “I have one beer too many and I’m out of commission for a week.”

You’re too focused on the maybe-boyfriend-shaped elephant in the room to laugh at his joke. Instead, you take a deep breath and muster up all of your courage. 

“Did we, um…”

Eddie pulls back. “No. Nope!” He shakes his head. “I brought you home and we fell asleep. I promise.”

You nod, relief flooding your body. “Okay. Okay, good.” You swing your legs over the side of the bed. “I’m gonna take a shower.” 

“I’ll make some breakfast, okay?”

“Yeah. Okay.” 

You get out of bed and stretch your muscles before heading towards the door. But first you stop and look back at Eddie. “I didn’t do anything stupid last night, did I?”

“No,” Eddie assures you. “Your knight in shining leather got there before anything could happen.” He flexes his muscles dramatically, which causes you to chuckle as you step out of your room and into the bathroom. 

Eddie puts his clothes from yesterday back on and heads out to the kitchen. He makes pancakes, and you come out of your room freshly showered and dressed just as they’re ready. 

“Smells good,” you say, rubbing at your eye. The shower helped wake you up, but your body is still tired from last night. 

You and Eddie sit down across from one another and start eating in silence before you can’t take it anymore.

“Um, where are the boys?” you ask, desperate for some semblance of an interaction.

“Harrington’s,” Eddie answers before shoving a mouthful of syrup-covered pancake into his mouth. “Steve and Nance said they got them, I should go to you.”

“And, uh, why did you show up? I mean, did you change your mind about celebrating with us or..?”

Eddie sighs and shakes his head. “Wayne was, um, actually at the bar last night with some guys from his work. He saw some assholes starting to get handsy with you, so he called me.”

“Oh.” You stay quiet as you move a few pieces of pancake around on your plate. 

You had hoped Eddie had changed his mind and wanted to spend your birthday night with you after all, but he was only there because his uncle called him. 

Eddie bites his lower lip, hating the tension in the air. The two of you used to sit in comfortable silences with one another, so this is excruciating.

“Look, sweetheart,” Eddie says before pausing to clear his throat. “It’s not that I didn’t want to spend time with you. Because I did. I do. I always do. I just, I don’t know, thought I’d bring the party down. I didn’t want you to feel like I was supervision or some shit like that. And I wasn’t sure how I’d meld in with your friends.”

“Eddie,” you start before taking a deep breath. “I never think of you as some authority type figure. You’re just Eddie. Like, yeah, maybe you’re twelve years older than me, but I don’t really feel like there’s this chasm between us or anything. Do…do you?”

Eddie’s silent for a moment, making sure he picks his words carefully so as not to give you a wrong impression. “When it’s you and me? No. When it’s us and the boys? No. But when it comes to you hanging out with your friends, I guess I feel, I don’t know, like I don’t belong.”

“Belong where?”

He sighs and twirls one of his rings around his finger as a nervous twitch. “When I see your friends it’s this reminder that I’m not your age. It feels like all the shit that I try not to let bother me is unavoidable as I see you with guys it would be more socially acceptable for you to date. Or seeing your girl friends going off to do things with their boyfriends that I can’t because of my job and kids. It makes me feel selfish.” His eyes mist over for a second. “Like I’m keeping you from that.”

“Eddie, no one is keeping me from anything. Especially you. You act like I don’t have a choice or say in this. I’m pretty sure you didn’t kidnap me and rope me into an arranged marriage or something.” You give a small smile, hoping to ease some of the frustration radiating off of him. “I don’t want someone my age. I don’t want someone younger. I don’t want someone older that isn’t you.”

“I know that,” Eddie says. “I swear, I do. I guess I’ve had a number done on me, though. Got beaten down enough that the insecurity comes second nature. It’s not your fault, you shouldn’t have to pay for things that she did.”

“Can I beat her?”

He chuckles and seeing him smile makes a genuine one grow on your own face.

“She’s not worth it,” Eddie says with a shake of his head. “But I see where you were coming from with being upset. It probably did seem like I just didn’t want to go out with you and your friends. I’m sorry. I also get where you’re coming from with the court stuff. Wanting to be by my side. Princess, you have no idea how much that means to me. Honestly. I just…I don’t want you to have to be in the middle of all of that.”

“I know,” you say, lowering your eyes back down to your plate. “I’m sorry, too. I was overstepping when it came to Brittany. That’s your ordeal, you get to call the shots when it comes to that. I only want you to know that you have my support. In whatever way you need it.”

He reaches across the table and slips his hand into yours. “I promise to tell you in what ways I’ll need your support through this whole thing.”

You nod and give his hand a small squeeze. The air around you feels lighter and it’s as if weights have been lifted off your shoulders. 

“Are—Are we okay?” you ask, wanting to clarify.

“We’re more than okay,” he reassures you as he returns your hand squeeze with one of his own. “But there is something else we need to talk about.”

“Sure. What?”

He sighs and gently taps your entwined hands against the tabletop. “Last night…when I got to the bar to pick you up, you, um, you said something. I know you were drunk but it still hurt.”

Immediately you feel mortified. Did I really…?

“I thought you said I didn’t do anything stupid?”

“Well, this was saying something stupid.”

How bad was it that it’s making him stall like this? “What did I say?” You wince, afraid to hear what you might’ve said in your inebriated state.

“You, uh, you said that I didn’t love you. That I didn’t come to the bar with you and your friends because I don’t love you.”

Your eyes are immediately flooded with tears. The heartbreak and shame you feel for uttering something so absurd cuts you deeply, and you push yourself out of your chair and walk around the table to Eddie. He scoots back so you can perch yourself in his lap. 

Gently, you cup Eddie’s face in your hands and stare into his eyes. “I love you. I love you, I love you. Please always remember that. Sober, drunk, high, or otherwise in an altered state…I love you. I am so sorry I said that to you. It amazes me that somehow you love me, but that doesn’t mean I doubt it for a second.”

Eddie nods and wraps his arms around your waist. Your shirt rides up a little and his syrupy fingers rub against your skin—but you couldn’t care less.

“You’re mine,” you tell him. “I’m yours. Simple as that.”

“Simple as that,” Eddie agrees.

The two of you sit there together for a few silent minutes before Jess’s door creaks open and she shuffles into the kitchen, looking far worse than you felt when you woke up. She gives a half-hearted wave, as if even that small movement was too much for her. 

Eddie smiles and nods his head towards the kitchen counter. “I made a stack of pancakes for you,” he says.

Jess heads towards the counter but pauses to put a hand on your shoulder. “If you don’t marry him, I will,” she vows. 

Deciding to play hooky from school and work didn’t take much convincing for you or Eddie. You’re not feeling great, and he’s more than happy to take care of you. 

You’re washing the breakfast dishes while Eddie stands behind you and wraps his arms around your waist. “Y’know,” he murmurs just under your ear, “I had another birthday surprise up my sleeve.”

He pulls you closer, and you try—and fail—to focus on the task at hand. “And what’s that?”

He smirks and presses soft kisses into your neck. “Well, I bought a bottle of champagne,” he says, “and I figured we could have some drunk sex?”

You snap off the water and dry your hands, spinning to face him. “And where is this bottle of champagne, handsome?”

Eddie blushes slightly. “Um, at the Harringtons’ place,” he admits. “But we could still do the sex part, if you’re feeling up to it.”

You press your body to his, grinning widely. “Bedroom?”

“Hell yes.”

Clothes are shed instantly, leaving a trail that leads to your room. You lay back on the bed and Eddie climbs on top of you, slotting his leg between yours and kissing you softly. 

“Let me take care of my birthday girl, hm?” he coos, nibbling on your ear. He chuckles when you whimper, two of his thick fingers trailing downward towards your pussy. “Oh, you poor thing. Needy already?”

“Mhm.”

He grins, scooting back and pressing his lips just above your clit. His tongue grazes your folds, over the sensitive bud, and he sucks on it gently. You moan when he positions your legs on his shoulders. “Keep making those noises, baby.”

You eagerly oblige, whining as he slips his middle finger into your pussy, tongue remaining trained on your clit. The overstimulation has you grinding against his face, desperate to get some relief. 

He wraps his free hand around your thigh and squeezes it, bringing himself even closer into you. Muffled, barely audible fucks and tastes goods escape his lips, driving you even wilder. 

“E-Eddie, I’m gonna cum!” you mewl, fingers digging into the bed sheets. He continues lapping at your cunt until you’re screaming his name. 

Eddie pulls back, face shiny with your slick. “Need you,” he growls, and his painfully hard cock bobs in agreement. 

He crawls up your body, pressing kisses to your soft flesh as he makes his way towards your neck. Teeth gently graze the side of your throat, and it sends a shiver down your spine. 

Taking advantage of your legs spread openly before him, Eddie settles himself between them and lines his cock up with your soaking entrance. It feels like it takes an eternity until he finally bottoms out, making you feel so full and revel in that exquisite stretch. 

Sweat breaks out along your hairline and it melds with Eddie’s as he rests his forehead against yours. The bed beneath you shakes as your body rocks with your boyfriend’s. A slight tilt of his hips has your hands scrambling against the lilac sheet below you, desperate to hold on to something—anything. Eddie wants you to hold on to him, though. His pale toned arms seek out your own until he slips his hands into yours and threads your fingers together. Never breaking eye contact even for a second, Eddie holds your hands up above your head, staring down at you with a blissful expression on his face. He’s not smiling, but there’s a light in his eyes and the way his lips part just slightly only adds to your enjoyment. 

“I love you, sweet girl,” Eddie says, voice low and husky in the small space you’re both occupying. “Don’t ever forget that.”

“L-Love you, too, Eds.”

“You’re so beautiful,” he says as his hips roll up against yours. “You have the cutest nose. I hope any kids we have inherit that from you.”

With every thrust of Eddie’s hips, he lists another thing he loves about you.

“Your lips are so soft. Sometimes I get torn between kissing them or staring at them. And your laugh? God, you have no idea what that does to me. It’s so infectious and bubbly and completely genuine. One of the best sounds in the world.”

There’s nothing else in the world right now other than Eddie’s voice and Eddie’s body. All that exists is the two of you, staring into one another’s eyes as pleasurable groans and whimpers fall from your lips. Sweet sighs and shared breath connect you both, adding to the already dizzying intimacy. You stare up into those large brown eyes and for that moment everything is perfect in the world. The moment belongs to you, and nothing will ever take it from you. 

Eddie leans in to press a soft, slow kiss to your lips. He pulls away only far enough for you to fix your gazes on one another’s eyes again. His hip thrusts are becoming increasingly erratic, a sign that he’s nearing his finish. 

Curls sway back and forth around his face, like a curtain keeping you two separated from everything else. 

More than anything, you know what’s going to have you reaching your high is the locked stares you share. Eddie looks so intently into your eyes, as if he’ll find answers to all of his problems in them. It’s sexier than any words either of you could possibly vocalize. The look says so much more than your voices ever could. 

“I’m close,” you tell him in a rough whisper. Your fingers tighten on his and Eddie’s hips rock slightly harder into yours.

“Me too, baby.”

The urge to close your eyes floats over you as your impending orgasm gets closer by the second, but you refuse. Even blinking is too long to look away from the eyes of the man you love. Eddie agrees, never taking those brown beauties off of you as he feels his release closing in.

“Eddie,” you whimper, more just needing to say his name than anything else. “Oh, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.”

“I know, my love.” 

“Gonna cum, Eds,” you slur.

“With me, yeah baby?”

“Yeah,” you breathe out more than speak. 

All it takes is two more thrusts before Eddie’s spilling into you. Him coating your walls with his release is enough to have you falling headfirst into your euphoria as well. 

Both of you ride it out together, trying to squeeze every last drop of enjoyment out of it that you could from one another. By the lazy smiles you give one another as you try and catch your breaths, you’d say that you both enjoyed it very much.

Eddie leans down and presses a sweet but sensuous kiss to your lips before begrudgingly pulling out of you. Neither of you like it, so you’re quick to cuddle up to one another, desperate to have your arms wrapped around the warm skin of his middle. 

“That was…wow,” you say after a few minutes of companionable silence. 

“Very wow,” Eddie agrees, rubbing his hand up and down your arm. “Y’know, there’s something else I’d like to add to that list, now that I have blood flowing to my brain.”

“Yeah?”

“Your heart,” he says, kissing your forehead. “Just when I think it can’t get any bigger or warmer, you prove me wrong time and time again. The kindness and generosity that you have is something I’ve never seen in another person. You’re so amazingly you and I’ve been enchanted by it since the day I met you.  Sometimes I feel like this is all a fairytale except the prince is the one constantly swept off his feet.”

“The princess is too,” you assure him through increasingly labored breath. “Very, very swept.”

Letting your suddenly heavy eyes slip closed, you tuck your head beneath Eddie’s chin and revel in his touch. A nap with you in his arms sounds like heaven right now, but Eddie knows there’s something he has to say before he forgets.

“Baby?”

“Yeah?” Your sleepy voice brings a smile to his face.

“Luke asked me to bring over McDonalds.”

“C’mon, let’s go hit the drive-thru.” 

You move to get up, but Eddie keeps you right where you are.

“Not yet. Naps first. Food for gremlins later.”

You chuckle and press a kiss to his bare chest. 

“Naps first,” you agree.

[patrik6090]

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[pupsmailbox]

1980's ID PACK

NAMES︰ aaron. adam. adding addison. adrian. alex. alexis. ali. alyssa. amanda. amber. andie. andrea. andrews. andy. anne. annie. anthony. april. ashley. aubrey. audrey. babysitters: belinda. bill. billie. billy. blair. bobbie. bobby. bonnie. brad. brandi. brandy. bret. brett. brian. brianna. brittany. caitlin. carey. carla. carly. carol. cary. casey. charlie. chris. christie. christina. christine. christopher. cindy. clare. clarissa. claudia. cody. corey. cory. courtney. crystal. dan. dana. daniel. darrell. david. dawn. devon. drew. dustin. elliott. emily. emmett. eric. erica. erik. erika. fran. francis. frankie. georgie. gloria. greer. greg. harriet. harry. heather. hollis. holly. jackie. jamie. jason. jayme. jeffery. jennifer. jeremy. jessica. jessie. jody. joe. john.zach. jory. joseph. josh. joy. jules. justin. kelly. kevin. kim. kimberly. kit. kristen. kristy. kyle. landry. larissa. laura. lauren. lee. linden. lisa. loren. lou. lucas. lynn. mallory. maria. marie. mark. marlowe. mary matt. matthew. meaghan. megan. melanie. melissa. melody. merit. michael. michelle. mickey. mike. mikey. mindy. misty. mo. morgan. natalie. neil. nick. nicky. nicole. ollie. other ozzie. parker. patrick. paul. paula. paulie. polly. quinn. rachel. randall. randell. randy. rebecca. rees. reese. richard. rob. robbie. robert. rory. royce. ryan. sabrina. sam. sarah. scott. sean. seth. shannon. shea. shelby. skyler. stacey. stacy. stephanie. stephen. stevie. taylor. the tiffany. tim. todd. tonya. tracy. tyler. valerie. victoria. will. wyatt. xavier. zack.

PRONOUNS︰ arc/arcade. arcade/arcade. arcade/arcem. beam/beam. beep/beep. bling/bling. bo/booth. boom/box. bop/bop. bou/boutique. bri/bright. bright/bright. buzz/buzz. ca/car. car/car. cartoon/cartoon. cass/cassette. cassette/cassette. class/classic. color/color. cor/vette. dated/dated. dazzle/dazzle. dine/diner. disc/disc. disco/disco. dusk/dusk. elec/electric. flash/flash. fluor/fluorescent. gae/game. game/game. gli/glitch. glitch/glitch. glitter/glitter. glow/glow. grid/grid. hx/hxm. hy/hym. ix/ix. jazz/jazz. joy/joycon. juke/box. led/led. light/light. loud/loud. mall/mall. music/music. ne/neon. neon/neon. nostal/nostal. pac/man. par/parlor. pattern/pattern. phone/phone. pin/ball. pix/pixel. pixel/pixel. po/pop. polybi/polybius. pop/pop. rain/rainbow. rainbow/rainbow. ret/retro. retro/retro. rock/roll. salon/salon. shx/hxr. shy/hyr. ska/skate. star/star. sunset/sunset. synth/wave. text/text. thxy/thxm. thy/thym. video/videogame. vin/vintage. vintage/vintage. viv/vivid. vivid/vivid. walk/walkman. ☀️. ☎️. ✨. 🌆. 🌈. 🍭. 🎥. 🎶. 👾. 💥. 💾. 💿. 📞. 📟. 📠. 📺. 📼. 🕹. 🕹️. 🚗. 🚲. 🧩.

[corrodedcoffins-blog]

The First Meeting

main masterlist

spencer reid x famous!reader Universe

word count: 4.1 k

warnings: stalking, murder, character asking to die (if I missed something please let me know)

Today was supposed to be an easy day for the BAU. It was a paperwork day, no case, no one dying on their watch.

These were some of Spencer's favourite days, don’t get him wrong he loves being in the field and profiling killers, and when they arrest an unsub, that’s the best feeling.

But having days every now and again where they don’t have to travel and Spencer can read and reflect on their previous case, he greatly enjoys it. And he can’t say he’s the only one, but he can say he’s the only one that uses paperwork days to do paperwork.

Penelope walks in the glass doors humming a tune, foreign to Spencer.

“You got that James Dean day dream, hmm hm mhmmm, I got that red lip classic” 

“What’s got you so happy, babygirl?” Derek says, from across Spencer.

“Um, because The Met Gala is tonight! Biggest night in Fashion! And no case means I can watch it.”

“Oh, I must have forgot to put it on my calendar.” Derek, sarcastically remarks while getting up and out of his chair on his way to refill his coffee cup. All the while JJ comes rushing the bullpen, giving the rest of her co-workers a sympathetic face.

“Just when I thought, we would have an easy day.” Emily mumbles getting out her desk chair and walking away with JJ.

“Wally Melman, a music producer in New York, was killed two weeks ago, and Natali Ryan , a singer and songwriter, was killed 4 days ago also in New York.” JJ says while the screen behind her shows pictures of the crime scene.

“The police said they found pictures with the victim's face with ‘You’re Next’ written in red marker across their face. Suspected to have gotten in the mail.”

“And why have they called us now?” Derek says, clearing knowing there was more JJ was going to say but wanting her to get to it quicker. 

“Yesturday, another singer/songwriter, by the name of Y/n L/n-” 

“Oh. My God!” Penny interrupts JJ, having come in to tell the team an update she had gotten from the NYPD. “uh- sorry, I’m sorry.. Um, the NYPD wants a couple of us to go straight to the crime scene once we land, and that the next vic- uh Y/n L/n I suppose- is at the station waiting.” Penny says, turning and leaving after finishing her sentence. 

“Okay everyone, wheels up in 30. JJ can fill us in on the jet.”

When the team arrived in New York, Hotch sent Rossi and Emily to the recent crime scene, and JJ to talk to the media, while himself, Spencer, and Derek went to the station.

When the three got to the station they were shown the note Y/n had gotten from the unsub, different to the others, hers having ‘You Owe Me’ written across her face instead. The team walked into the room they were told Y/n would be in.

Spencer knew she would be pretty, everyone in Hollywood was gorgeous that’s how it worked, but this girl was easily the most beautiful girl he had ever laid his eyes upon, even with her bleached hair that he could assume was a split second decision.

She sat on a chair next to one of the officers' desks, as if she was like everyone else and not a world-wide popstar. Y/n and her manager Joe look up, hearing footsteps walk into the room. She stood up to shake Hotch’s hand. 

“Hi, I’m Y/n, it’s nice to meet you and thank you so much.” “Of course” 

She goes to shake Derek hand, saying a greeting similar to the one she gave Hotch, then she comes face to face with Spencer, or possibly- not definitely the most beautiful man she has ever seen, sticking out her hand she says, “Hi, nice to meet you..”

“Dr. Spencer Reid- or just Spencer, you don’t have to call me doctor.” “Nice to meet you Spencer.” Y/n stays looking at Spencer maybe a second longer than she should have. It’s just so hard to look away from a man that beautiful. When Y/n does finally look away, she takes a seat and they begin their questioning. 

“How well do you know Natalie Ryan?”

“Uh, we talked when we were at the same events and were always friendly, but we weren’t friends.”

“How about Wally Melman?”

“What?” 

“Wally Melman, he was a producer who was killed a couple months ago.” Spencer jumps in, making Y/n turn to address him, while she asks her next statement .

“The paper said that it was a robbery.” “The paper was wrong.” Derek responded quickly.

“Did you know him?” Hotch asks, wanting to get back to the questions he has for Y/n.

“I wanted to work with him on my last album, but he started working with..” Y/n cut herself off.

“Who?” Spencer asks concernedly, seeing the scared look on Y/n's face.

“Natalie Ryan, and they beat Y/n for song of the year” Joe says while Y/n is setting her face to rest in her hands, trying to comprehend what was happening.

“Do you ever have the feeling that someone is following you, or watching you?” Derek asks.

“Only every second I spend outside my house. I have fans, and paparazzi following me everywhere. It’s part of the job.” 

“Do you ever get repetitive phone calls, hang ups, or gifts sent anonymously?” Spencer asks.

“I receive flowers, Lilies, my favourite. The seventh of each month they get sent to each of my homes, they just show up on the doorstep. Never a note, nothing.” 

After a few more of their questions it just becomes too much, knowing that these people are being killed because of her or ‘for’ her and Y/n gets up and leaves the room. Not being able to actually leave given the cameras outside, she doesn’t get too far. And Spencer is right behind her.

“Y/n wait!”

“Can you explain what the hell is going on?”

“Well, it’s still rather speculative, but it appears there’s a delusional assassin who’s killing people to help further your career. It probably started as a stalker. An erotomaniac stalker. There’s a psychopathology of the evolution of these types of stalkers and the fact that he’s contacting you indicates that he believes you owe him something. This model frequently concludes itself with one of two possibilities, either the stalker will kill himself or he’ll kill the object of his affection.”

If Spencer wasn’t talking about the possibility of Y/n’s untimely death, she would have had more time to find Spencer’s rambling and seemingly never ending knowledge hot.

Y/n had gotten home from her time at the station, hoping to be able to relax as she has the Met tomorrow night. But when she had gotten to her front door the yellow notepad paper taped onto it caught her eye.

After reading the note she called the station immediately. The BAU had arrived looking over the note, Y/n was in the room but not listening, she onlys snaps back into listening to the conversations when she hears Spencer. 

“In English?” one of the officers asks.

“That is English actually.” Y/n smiles at that, while Spencer continues, getting cut off by Derek not too far into his explanation. Y/n finally speaks up, after the team starts talking about how she should continue, as if she isn’t there.

“I’m standing right here guys..”

“If we did remove you from the street, you couldn’t stay here, we would have to take you to an undisclosed location.”

“I have a fitting here in 30 mins, and the Met tonight, then I’m all yours. Look, I don't want to be afraid of this lunatic.”

"We can clear all but essential personnel, and up your security.”

“Derek and Spencer will stay here with you.”

“Okay.”

The team getting Y/n ready for the Met have set up, Y/n just finished getting hair and makeup done in just her underwear and a robe. Spencer walks up to Y/n while she’s opening a greenhouse ginger shot to drink.

“I’m sorry if I was insensitive earlier.” Spencer says, referring to when he followed her outside of the questioning room and told her there was a possibility this stalker/assassin guy will kill her, just a tad insensitive.

But nonetheless Y/n responds with, “It’s fine, you were just doing your job, right?” “Yeah.” Y/n takes her ginger shot with a look of remorse on her face. She reaches for the soda in Spencer’s hand, to wash it down. 

“You don’t mind sharing with me do you?”  Spencer quickly shakes his head mumbling a quick ‘no’ while Y/n’s team calls her to get into the dress, Y/n takes off the robe she was wearing, causing Spencer’s eyes to widen, then throwing the robe over a nearby chair. Now standing in just her underwear she smiles at Spencer before walking over to the team helping her get into the dress.

Leaving Spencer to watch her as she subtly sways her hips slightly more than usual when she walks. Spencer takes a sip of the soda Y/n had handed back after taking a sip, Derek coming over to tease Spencer about the scene he just watched.

“You don’t mind sharing with me, do you?” “Shut up.” Spencer says as he walks away. “Go get ‘em, lover.”

Y/n didn’t get to stay at the Met nearly as long as she wished. With double the security and Spencer there with her, she knew she wouldn’t have the night she was hoping for, but maybe something close.

But as she danced with Tom Hiddleston, Spencer got the call to take her to the safe house. Spencer didn’t really want to interrupt Y/n dancing on who he assumes is  another famous person, but he had to, for her safety. 

“Um- Y- Y/n we have to go.” Spencer says while struggling to gain her attention.

“Really?” “Yeah..” “Okay” she sighs, turning to Tom, mumbling an apology and some fake excuse.

They got to Y/n's home. Spencer rambling about safety measures Y/n should take. “You should also probably change all your phone numbers.” “I’m unlisted.” “Anytime you call an 800 number or an 888 number your phone number’s put into a data bank that’s then sold to telemarketers. If someone gets your cell phone number they can go online and research all your records.”

Y/n looks at Spencer expecting him to continue, but when he doesn’t she assumes he’s done, and gets up to walk into her kitchen, saying as she gets up, “You’re very cute when you ramble.” Causing Spencer to freeze but when she turns the corner out of his sight he rushes to keep up with her.

“You should also probably carry a piece of paper and a pen with you wherever you go in case you see any suspicious licence plates that often reappear.” Spence trails of looking closely at a collage hung up on Y/n’s wall 

“It’s a photographic collage. I like how obscure it is.”

“You should also get a dog. Like a guard dog of some sort.” Spencer says, staring intently at the collage but not acknowledging what Y/n said about it. 

“I don’t think so, I'm a cat person. Dogs are not for me… Earl grey good?”

“Wha- what?”

“Tea, do you want some tea?”

“Uh yes, yes sure.”

“Okay” Y/n says smiling at his nervousness.

Y/n walks into the living room, in her swimsuit with a robe overtop, coming to stand next to Spencer while he stares intently at the picture collage on Y/n’s wall. 

“Are you feeling anything?” “There is something definitely appealing about it.” “That’s a start” Y/n says while chuckling.

Turning on her heels towards the back door to the pool. This catches Spencer’s actions wondering what she's doing, he asks, “What are you doing?” “Going for a swim.” Y/n responds nonchalantly. “What? No, Y/N!” Spencer yells following her, but before he can reach her she dives into the pool.

Swimming up to the surface and wiping her face with her hands. She looks so gorgeous, she looks like a movie star, which is not far off. But Spencer really shouldn’t be thinking about how beautiful she is when he’s job is to keep her safe, and her being out here is not safe.

“Y/n, you cannot do this.” “Just a few minutes?” She ‘asks’ while giving Spencer puppy dog eyes. “Go get a suite in the house.” “What? No, I’m not going to grab a suit. Are you kidding me? No.” Spencer says in that high pitched tone he does, she’s only heard it once before, but she can’t help but find it so cute.

“Join me.” “No, I’m going to join you.” “Why not?” “You’re being pursued by a psychotic killer who shoots people in the head!” “I’m not going to stop living my life because of him.” Y/n turns to float in the water. “Y/n, I’m begging you. Will you please get out of the pool?”

“Come on, Spence, you should live a little.” “Live a little? I’ve not known you for 24 hours, I feel like I’ve already aged 10 years.” “Ugh, I can’t be that bad.” “Yes, you are that bad.” Y/n turns off of her back and starts to swim to the edge of the pool Spencer is standing at. 

“Fine, but can you help me out at least?” She says putting on an innocent face as if she really did want help out of the pool. When Spencer leans down to grab her hand to help her up, Y/n pulls him into the pool causing a big splash following after Spencer falls in. 

Which then causes a laugh to come from Y/n as Spencer rises to the water's surface. 

“Yes, very funny. Laugh it up, Y/n. Hilarious. My gun’s wet. That’s just great” Spencer swims to the edge to get his gun out of the water, Y/n swimming behind him, still chuckling. 

“My clothes.” “I told you to grab a suit.” 

While Spencer looks down at his wet chest, Y/n’s hand comes to rest on his peck, causing Spencer to look up at Y/n. When he looks at her, she is already looking in his eyes, her eyes asking the question ‘do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?’ the answer being ‘yes’ as Spencer starts to lean in. Not knowing what he’s doing, leaning in to kiss Y/n L/n global superstar? Who does he think he is, thinking she would want to kiss him? But contrary to Spencer's beliefs, Y/N leans in too, pulling his body closer to hers faster by his tie. As their lips collide, it feels as if the world slows down. For the first time in a long time Y/n feels normal, regular, ordinary, in the best possible way. She feels in the way Spencer's lips are moving against hers that he doesn’t want her for her fame, or looks, but for her. Just her. But then Spencer pulls away. It had only been a couple seconds, how could a kiss that short hold that much emotion? Spencer’s words stop her from thinking too much. 

“This is completely inappropriate.” “Spence..” Y/n looks into Spencer's eyes only looking away when she closes them and pulls him into another kiss, by his tie. This kiss, still sweet and emotion filled, yet rougher, as if they had gotten that much more comfortable now versus 15 seconds ago. Their lips move together roughly, Y/n tongue brushing Spencer’s lips looking for access, which causes Spencer to move his lips back from Y/n’s again. “No, there’s this thing called transference.” Spencer says, all the while Y/n is trying to recover from the best kiss of her life, and Spencer has no idea. “Do you not like me?” “What?” Spencer says quickly like him not liking her, and is just the most insane idea in the world, and truthfully that’s not far off. “Was that kiss not good?” “No- no it was very good.” “Because I like you.” “I like you too. It’s just I’m a federal agent. You know. And I’m supposed to protect you.” “Then you should keep me close.” Y/n mumbles moving her lips to Spencers again. Spencer pulls back to start talking again, as Y/N’s kisses move to his neck, kissing and nipping at his skin every so often, the first nibble causing Spencer to let out a surprised noise that quickly turns into a moan. “I’m just, hmm.. I’m a little worried, you know? We’re in a pool.” “Are we?” “And it’s uh.. We’re pretty much exposed.” Y/n moves to give Spencer's lips a quick peck, before responding to his concerns. “We have cops. We have cops posted out front.” Y/n cuts herself off to kiss Spencer again, “There are coyotes out back.” Y/n pauses looking at Spencer’s lips, while licking her own, then shooting her eyes up to Spencer’s “And then it’s just you and me.” Y/n moves her lips to be hovering over Spencer’s their noses rubbing against each other, it feels much more intimate than just kissing him, breathing in the after shave and cologne mixed with chlorine soaked into his skin is a smell Y/n would never get sick of, no matter how much she hated the smell of chlorine. She moves her lips back to the spot she found on his neck that makes him the most reactive. “Stop- I have to tell you something.” “What?” “I didn’t want to tell you this before, because I was a little bit worried… I didn’t know how to say it, but I can’t not tell you.” “Spence, just tell me. What is it?” “Your manager, Joe… Hotch went to check on him, but he got there too late.” Y/n looks into Spencer’s eyes any ounce of a look that would tell her he wasn’t serious. Because Joe couldn’t be dead. Not because of her, Joe was like family, no matter how weird he was. Joe was always there. Y/n turns away not being able to look at Spencer, “How could you-” She turns back to him, looking Spencer in the eyes as she aks, “How could you not tell me?” “I was afraid you’d be upset.” “You knew? How could you know and not tell me?” “Y/n, I’m so sorry” Y/n moves towards the edge of the pool to pull herself out, Spencer trying to help her. “Don’t- Don’ touch me! Please, don’t touch me!” Y/n gets out walking back into the house with a towel around herself, leaving Spencer in the pool.

Spencer walks into Y/n’s living room, seeing her sitting on her couch crying, he wants to comfort her. Just don't know how. “Y/n?...Are you still… Are you okay?” “Joe was like family.” Hearing Y/n cry hurts Spencer more than he thought possible from a girl he met not even 24 hours ago. “It’s just so hard to trust people in this industry, you don’t know who to believe.Everybody wants something from you. And I felt- I thought you were different.” “I know I should have told you.” “I told him not to.” Rossi cuts in having heard most of the conversation from behind Spencer. “He was only following my orders.” Rossi pats Spencer's shoulder while leaving the room. “The last time I could really trust people was when I moved to Nashville.” Y/n says, all the while Spencer is decoding the picture collage on Y/n’s wall. “Nashville, you said you lived you Houston street? And you were on KZ fm in high school?..” “Yeah..?” When Y/n sees the way Spencer is intensely staring at the collage she also gets up, to stand next to him. “I need to take this thing about.” Spencer says while not looking away. “What?” “I’ll put it back. I think I see images of you. Guys!”

Y/n stands to the side with Derek while Spencer and Emily are putting the pieces together. “Y/n, it looks like someone has been stalking you for years.”

“Yeah, this tells your whole life story. Awards, Billboard charts, Albums.” 

“Everything since moving to Nashville.”

“Who gave you this collage?” Derek asked, leaning over the island counter. “Um- he did” Y/N says pointing at a picture on the collage. “Who is he?” “Uh- Parker Dunley, I don’t really know him, he just owns a gallery I go to sometimes.” 

Spencer gets off the phone quickly turning to Y/N. “Y/N, do you someone by the name of Veronica Hartley?” “Roni? Yeah, of course I know her. I’ve known her for years. She’s one of my assistants.” Their conversation gets cut off by Y/n’s phone ringing. “What is it?” Spencer asks, seeing the way her eyes widened when she read the caller ID.

“That’s her calling now.” 

“Is she calling from her cell phone?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Y/n, we think Roni’s the stalker.” 

“No- No way.” 

“Answer the phone. Act completely natural, the longer you keep her on the line the more likely we’ll be able to trace the call.. Trust me.” Spencer walks away to call the team, while Y/n answers Roni’s call.

“Hello?…Roni?...” Spencer turns to Y/N and gives her a signal to keep talking.

“Rons?... You’re tired?......I saw you today?.... I don’t know what you’re talking about.. I remember.. Roni, that was just one weekend…”

“Y/n” Spencer whisper yells, after getting off the phone with Penny, finding out Roni’s calling inside the house.

“How did she get inside?”

“She has keys.”

Spencer starts searching the house Y/n walking behind him. When they get up to a guest bedroom, Y/n feels the barrel of a gun being pressed to her skull, Spencer quickly turns around. 

“Put down the gun.” Roni demands. “Roni..” Spencer says while lowering his gun. “Don’t call me ‘Roni” you don’t know me! Come on, Y/n, let’s go. We have to go, baby. Come on.” Y/n looks in Spencer’s eyes begging him to do something. “Roni, don’t hurt her. You don’t need to hurt her.” “You don’t know anything. I would never hurt her. I created her" "No you didn’t.” “Yes, I did you stupid, ungrateful, little bitch.. I can’t believe I ever loved you.” “Roni, she.. She loves me now.” Roni moves her gun from pointing it at Y/n’s head to pointing it at Spencer. “She told me so. When we were in the pool. She kissed me. Now she loves me okay?” “No.” “Tell her we kissed in the pool.” “No!’ Roni yells this time switching from pointing her gun from Spencer to Y/n. Y/n looks at Spencer hopefully to tell her the next move, when he nods his head at her she says, “Yes, we kissed.” Roni then pushes Y/n, and Spencer tackles Roni to the ground, grabbing her gun, and pointing it at her. “Kill me! Please. Kill me! I’ll be so much happier!” But Spencer shakes his head, lowering the gun as he says, “No, we’re going to get you some help.” 

Y/n is standing in the station talking to her publicist, while news vans are lined up outside.

“I don’t want any media.” “Come on, Y/n” “No. No media.” “Okay, no media. Let me deal with these guys then.”

After Y/n’s publicist leaves, Spencer walks up to Y/n. “I wish we didn’t meet under these circumstances. More normal maybe.” “Y/n, believe me, no matter how we met, I’m glad we did.” Y/n feels her whole body, warm at that, she turns her head, knowing Spencer can see the blush on her face. They’re interrupted when Derek yells for Spencer. “Hey, Reid. Come on, we got to move.” “Well, um- here, take this.” Y/n passes Spencer a receipt she had written her new number on. “Would you- if it’s okay with you, give me a call.” “Yeah, I would love to.” Rossi comes walking over. “I hate to intrude, kid, but we’re waiting.” “Yeah- yeah a second.” “So- call me, I’ll be waiting.” Y/n turns to walk away, but Spencer puts a hand on her shoulder to stop her. Y/n turns towards Spencer, he puts his hand on her check, Y/n leaning into his palm, turning her head slightly to press a small kiss into his palm, before walking away. 

[susiephone]

Hey, I liked your poll about commonly assigned texts. Would you be willing to post the entire list? I'd love to know how many I've read.

under the cut!!

Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen

The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Little Prince - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Little Women - Louisa May Alcott

Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë

Jane Eyre - Charlotte Brontë

Fahrenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury

1984 - George Orwell

The Hunger Games - Suzanne Collins

The Picture of Dorian Gray - Oscar Wilde

The Catcher in the Rye - J.D. Salinger

To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee

Animal Farm - George Orwell

The Alchemist - Paulo Coelho

The Lord of the Flies - William Golding

Romeo and Juliet - William Shakespeare

Hamlet - William Shakespeare

The Outsiders - S.E. Hinton

A Tree Grows in Brooklyn - Betty Smith

The Giver - Lois Lowry

Anthem - Ayn Rand

The Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkein

Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

The Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens

Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

Macbeth - William Shakespeare

Charlotte's Web - E.B. White

Night - Elie Wiesel

The Book Thief - Markus Zusak

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn - Mark Twain

The Adventures of Tom Sawyer - Mark Twain

The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe - C.S. Lewis

A Wrinkle in Time - Madeline L'Engle

Tuck Everlasting - Natalie Babbitt

Holes - Louis Sachar

The Road - Cormac McCarthy

The View from Saturday - E.L. Konigsburg

From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler - E.L. Konigsburg

Esperanza Rising - Pam Muñoz Ryan

A Midsummer Night's Dream - William Shakespeare

The Scarlet Letter - Nathaniel Hawthorne

Seedfolks - Paul Fleischman

Number the Stars - Lois Lowry

Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

The Crucible - Arthur Miller

Oedipus Rex - Sophocles

Antigone - Sophocles

Death of a Salesman - Arthur Miller

Frankenstein - Mary Shelley

Island of the Blue Dolphins - Scott O'Dell

A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

The Importance of Being Earnest - Oscar Wilde

The Lottery - Shirley Jackson

We Have Always Lived in the Castle - Shirley Jackson

Beloved - Toni Morrison

Kindred - Octavia Butler

The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

Parable of the Sower - Octavia Butler

The Color Purple - Alice Walker

Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

Invisible Man - Ralph Ellison

Speak - Laurie Hale Anderson

Where the Red Fern Growns - Wilson Rawls

Heroes - Robert Cormier

Watership Down - Richard Adams

The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett

The Cask of Amontillado - Edgar Allan Poe

The Masque of the Red Death - Edgar Allan Poe

The Tell-Tale Heart - Edgar Allen Poe

Dracula - Bram Stoker

Carmilla - Sheridan Le Fanu

Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoevsky

Catch-22 - Joseph Heller

The Old Man and the Sea - Ernest Hemingway

Hills Like White Elephants - Ernest Hemingway

Ender's Game - Orson Scott Card

Flowers for Algernon - Daniel Keyes

Slaughterhouse Five - Kurt Vonnegut

Othello - William Shakespeare

The Most Dangerous Game - Richard Connell

Uncle Tom's Cabin - Harriet Beecher Stowe

Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

There Will Come Soft Rains - Ray Bradbury

The Gift of the Magi - O. Henry

The Monkey’s Paw - W.W. Jacobs

The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas - Ursula K. LeGuin

Araby - James Joyce

Eleven - Sandra Cisneros

Woman Hollering Creek - Sandra Cisneros

Sweat - Zora Neale Hurston

Their Eyes Were Watching God - Zora Neale Hurston

To the Lighthouse - Virginia Woolf

The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

The Story of an Hour - Kate Chopin

The Storm - Kate Chopin

The Yellow Wallpaper - Charlotte Perkins Gilman

The Metamorphosis - Franz Kafka

[marcmarcmomarc]

If The Owl House had “RWBY”-style cast rolls: Season 2 (King’s Tide)

Starring the voices of

Luz Noceda: Sarah-Nicole Robles

Eda Clawthorne: Wendie Malick

King Clawthorne: Alex Hirsch

———————————————————————————-

Garlog: André Sogliuzzo

Hooty: Alex Hirsch

Lilith Clawthorne: Cissy Jones

Bounty Collector: Matt Chapman

Abominable Cutie Pie: Matt Chapman

Salty: Steve Blum

Fish Sailor: Matt Chapman

Hunter: Zeno Robinson

Coven Guards: Dee Bradley Baker, Matt Chapman, Zeno Robinson, & Roger Craig Smith

Philip Wittebane/Emperor Belos: Alex Lawther & Matthew Rhys

Odalia Blight: Rachael MacFarlane

Amity Blight: Mae Whitman

Investors: Eric Bauza, Matt Chapman, & Gary Anthony Williams

Willow Park: Tati Gabrielle

Gus Porter: Issac Ryan Brown

Bird Student: Matt Chapman

Principal Bump: Bumper Robinson

Alador Blight: Jim Pirri

Harvey Park: Matt Chapman

Perry Porter: Gary Anthony Williams

Gilbert Park: Eric Bauza

Edric Blight: Ryan O’Flanagan

Emira Blight: Erica Lindbeck

Young King: Dana Terrace

Young Eda: Natalie Palamides

Healer: Eric Bauza

Gwendolyn Clawthorne: Deb Doetzer

Gremlins: Eric Bauza

Master Wortlop: Gary Anthony Williams

Morton: Shannon McKain

Camila Noceda: Elizabeth Grullon

Vee: Michaela Dietz & Sarah-Nicole Robles

Slitherbeast: Fred Tatasciore

Braxas: Kevin Locarro

Bria: Felicia Day

Warden Wrath: Roger Craig Smith

Gavin: Nik Dodani

Angmar: Harvey Guillén

Mattholomule: Jorge Diaz

Hexside Girl: Erica Lindbeck

Hexside Kid: Kari Wahlgren

Malphas: Fred Tatasciore

Graveyard Keeper: Christopher Swindle

Butterfly Illusion: Eden Riegel

Gavin’s Dad: Dee Bradley Baker

Kikimora: Mela Lee

Bat Queen: Isabella Rossellini

Boscha: Eden Riegel

Viney: Ally Maki

Spiked Headed Student: Matt Chapman

Guard Captains: Dee Bradley Baker, Kimberly Brooks, & Fryda Wolff

Penstagram News Accouncer: Kimberly Brooks

Raine Whispers: Avi Roque

Darius Deamonne: Keston John

Kevin: Kevin Locarro

Wild Witch: Grey DeLisle

Katya: Grey DeLisle

Amber: Kari Wahlgren

Tinella Nosa: Dana Terrace

Derwin: Zeno Robinson

Cup of Ephemeral Glory: Matt Chapman

Ukla’s Mom: Grey DeLisle

Eberwolf: Kari Wahlgren

Ukla: Grey DeLisle

Young Lilith: Abigail Zoe Lewis

Dell Clawthorne: Peter Gallagher

The Collector: Fryda Wolff

Tarak: Kevin Michael Richardson

Abominations: Bumper Robinson

Opera Singer: Fryda Wolff

Barista: Kari Wahlgren

Rats: Eric Bauza

Teen Girl: Grey DeLisle

Teen Boy: Zeno Robinson

Jacob Hopkins: Roger Craig Smith

Terra Snapdragon: Debra Wilson

Belos Fan: Matt Chapman

Coven Scouts: Dee Bradley Baker, Matt Chapman, Jorge Diaz, Rachael MacFarlane, Dana Terrace, & Debra Wilson

Steve Tholomule: Matt Chapman

Flora D’splora: Eileen Galindo

Knight: Christopher Swindle

Savage Ages Women: Mela Lee & Kari Wahlgren

Savage Ages Men: Matt Chapman

Cyclops Woman: Kari Wahlgren

Three Headed Woman: Eileen Galindo

Red Fang: Gary Anthony Williams

Green Fang: Christopher Swindle

Oracle Student: Arin Hanson

Jerbo: Noah Galvin

Professor Hermonculus: J.B. Blanc

Skara: Kimberly Brooks

Tibbles: Parvesh Cheena

Demon Hunter: Grey DeLisle

Demon Hunter Leader: Kevin Michael Richardson

Principal Faust: Eric Bauza

Young Eye-Eating Monster: Bumper Robinson

Trust Instructor: Roger Craig Smith

Jelly Blob: Eric Bauza

Young Raine: Blu del Barrio

Cyclops Girl: Dana Terrace

Plant Track Student: Bumper Robinson

Teeth Salesman: Matt Chapman

Prim: Kimberly Brooks

Oracle Coven Witch: Mela Lee

Yellow Horned Man: Matt Chapman

Young Inner Belos: Fryda Wolff

Past Golden Guards: Zeno Robinson

King’s Dream Father: Alex Hirsch

King’s Dream Siblings: Matt Chapman

Titan Trapper: Steve Blum

Bill: Chris Houghton

Illusion Teacher: Rachael MacFarlane

Young Gus: Carter Jones

Gus’ Partner: Matt Chapman

Illusion Student: Matt Chapman

Adrian Graye Vernworth: Noshir Dalal

Severine: Dana Terrace

Additional Creature Vocalizations: Dee Bradley Baker

[woundedsoul12]

OC list because why not?

1. Riley 'Beefcake' Mercar - My first Rook. M!Qunari!Mage!Shadow Dragon Lucanis/Spite lover and my baby

He's also been shipped with multiple OCs including his baby mama Osla @meetraart who drew this for him

2. Brick Mercar - M!Warrior!Human!Shadow Dragon adopted brother to Riley. He is paired with Illario and a few OCs. He is also a trans man (part of the reason the Mercar trio don't talk to their parents anymore)

Matt Mathews is his inspiration

3. Fennec Mercar- F!Rogue!Human!Shadow Dragon sister to Riley and Brick. She's the fence for the Shadows. While she is close with Brick and Brick is close with Riley, her and Riley don't see eye to eye ever. Lots of childhood trauma as she was the golden child. She loves Neve and teams with Solas to save her city

Her inspiration is Alice Cullen played by Ashley Greene

4. Celeste Laidir- my angsty F!Rogue!Human!LoF Rook. Romancing Spite/Lucanis. I use her a lot for angst prompts and such. She a true pirate

Her inspiration is Avril Lavigne

5. Kenneth 'Kenn' Ingellvar. M!Mw!Human!Mage Rook and lover of Taash.

Inspo- Ryan Gosling specifically from Barbie

6. Marina de Riva- F!Elf!Rogue!Crow Rook. Emmrich's spicy little Antivan pepper.

Inspo- Eva Green

7. Lena Mercar - F!Rogue!Human!Shadow dragon. My Ashurook. The lover of the Divine.

Inspo Natalie Dormir from The Hunger Games

8. Ronald 'Ronnie' Thorne - M!Qunari!Warrior!Warden. He and Viago have a thing. He is also the same Warden who is hooking up with my sweet Harding and Bellara's Alpha for my omegaverse. Man gets around and rightly so

His inspo is Tom Hardy specifically from Legend

9. Sam - Lover of all Rooks and writer of letters.

His inspo is Pedro Pascal

10. Lea Trevelyan - I have several Inquisitors from the past, but Lea is the only one I really write about anymore. F!Warrior!Human. She and Varric are probably my favorite couple

Inspo Brienne of Tarth and her actress Gwendoline Christie

11. Envoy- Riley is my Canon envoy. NB and lover of the Living Lands and all NPCs

I also have my NB Rook who is with Trans!Lucanis. My elf who I ship with Davrin. My Dwarf Rook with Elek. My Elf with Felassan. And my Durge/Tavs. But this is enough for today and I'm only allowed 10 photos anyway 🤣

These OCs aren't as fleshed out as my other guys anyway and I write entirely too much

I hope this is everyone 🙈

[jadelotusflower]

2024 Roundup - books read

Fiction

Stone Blind: Medusa's Story - Natalie Haynes

Atonement - Ian McKeown (re-read)

A Gentleman in Moscow - Amor Towles

Emily Wilde’s Encyclopaedia of Faeries - Heather Fawcett

Emily Wilde’s Map of the Otherlands - Heather Fawcett

Coraline - Neil Gaiman

The Wonderful Wizard of Oz - L. Frank Baum (re-read)

The Marvelous Land of Oz - L. Frank Baum

Ozma of Oz - L. Frank Baum

Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz - L. Frank Baum

The Road to Oz - L. Frank Baum

The Emerald City of Oz - L. Frank Baum

Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West - Gregory Maguire (re-read)

Mrs Dalloway - Virginia Woolf

Orlando: A biography- Virginia Woolf

Sappo: Poems & Fragments - Sappo (translated by Josephine Balmer)

Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea - Jules Verne (translated by Henry Frith)

The Mysterious Island - Jules Verne (translated by Jordan Stump)

Piranesi - Susanna Clarke

Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy (translated by Louise and Aylmer Maude)

Wuthering Heights - Emily Brontë

Frankenstein, or, The Modern Prometheus - Mary Shelley (re-read)

The Scarlet Pimpernel - Baroness Emmuska Orczy (re-read)

Sir Percy Leads the Band - Baroness Emmuska Orczy

The League of the Scarlet Pimpernel - Baroness Emmuska Orczy

The Elusive Pimpernel - Baroness Emmuska Orczy (re-read)

A Court of Thorns and Roses - Sarah J Mass

Best Fairy Tales - Hans Christian Andersen (translated by Jean Hersholt)

A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens (re-read)

Non-Fiction

A year in the life of Ancient Egypt and the real lives of the people who lived there - Donald P Ryan

Persians: The Age of the Great Kings - Lloyd LLewellyn-Jones

American Prometheus: The Tragedy and Triumph of J Robert Oppenheimer- Kai Bird and Martin J Sherwin

Divine Might: Goddesses in Greek Myth - Natalie Haynes

The Splendid and the Vile: Churchill, Family, and Defiance during the bombing of London - Erik Larson

The History of the World: From the Dawn of Humanity to the Modern Age - Frank Welsh

Pagan Britain - Ronald Hutton

Unruly: A History of England’s Kings and Queens - David Mitchell

Burn it Down: Power, Complicity, and a Call for Change in Hollywood - Maureen Ryan

Montaigne: A Very Short Introduction - William H Hamlin

Essays: A Selection - Michel de Montaigne (translated and edited by M.A. Screech)

Hey Honey, I’m Homo: Sitcoms, Specials, and the Queering of American Culture - Matt Baume

Shakespeare: The Man Who Pays the Rent - Judi Dench (with Brendan O’Hea)

What I Ate in One Year (and related thoughts) - Stanley Tucci

What I liked

I enjoyed most of what I read this year, including revisiting some older books with new eyes, finally getting around to some classics from my TBR list (with a few detours), and general mix of history and biography/memoir.

My favourite book of the year, and now up there with my favourite books of all time, is Piranesi, something that has been on the list a while and yet something I have successfully avoided spoilers for. I went in completely blind and so glad I did because the way this story washed over me is one of those very rare things and I loved loved loved reading this book.

I also really enjoyed A Gentleman in Moscow (the tv adaptation was sadly a bit of a disappointment). There’s a fine line between whimsical and twee and while that line likely differs for everyone, for me it successfully kept just on the side of whimsy - or maybe I just love a literary reference and this was full of them. It also inspired me to check out the works of Montaigne which I found interesting in context.

On the non-fiction front, American Prometheus is a good companion to the Oppenheimer film, and Burn it Down was an excellent but rage-inducing peak behind the Hollywood curtain, but The Man Who Pays the Rent was my other favourite read this year. Rather than ghostwritten, this takes the format of question and answer between Judi Dench and actor/director Brendan O’Hea, each chapter focussing on a different Shakespeare play and the characters Dench performed. It’s a beautiful insight into the acting process, theatre history, and Shakespeare’s female characters. Dench is so compelling and charming and the format allows her voice to leap off the page (more memoirs should take this approach tbh). I love Shakespeare but hardly consider myself an expert, so her perspective on the works and the characters was insightful - one of those books you look forward to returning to at the end of the day.

What I didn’t

When I tell people I’m writing a fantasy novel they often ask if I’ve read A Court of Thorns and Roses and I’m kind of sick of seeming uninformed about this faeriecore juggernaut, so finally gave it a go. It’s…not for me, really, despite it being generally keyed into my interests. I just found it…kind of boring? Feyre is dumb as rocks difficult to care about, and Tamlin, despite the cute nod with the name, is stock beast archetype with no other discernible personality.

Most of the book was an absolute slog until it finally got semi-interesting 3/4 in, but we’re stuck in Feyre’s pov and therefore unable to explore anything approaching compelling or nuanced. I’ve been told it actually gets good in the second book (and have been spoiled about the whole Rhysand thing), but I’m not really inspired to give it any more effort.

I also had mixed feelings about Emily Wilde - while of better quality than ACOTAR and I really loved the worldbuilding and some of the fae characters (Poe my beloved!) the central romance fell completely flat for me (maybe I’m just immune to the charms of faerie lords?) and I find the narrative is limited by the epistolary style. However I enjoy the fae plotline enough that I will likely get around to the third book at some stage.

On the point of mixed feelings, it’s interesting how much I enjoy Natalie Haynes’ non-fiction work on Greek myth while finding that her fiction completely misses the mark. Essentially a collection of essays, Divine Might is engaging and thought-provoking on the various depictions of Greek goddesses and their place within the mythos both then and now. On the other side of the coin, Stone Blind is ostensibly Medusa’s story, but mostly told through other perspectives and (much like with her previous effort A Thousand Ships) Haynes is preoccupied with recreating the whole of the myth which ultimately subsumes women, and therefore fails in its premise to showcase the female perspective. It’s just so odd that she can’t bring any of her insights from her compelling analysis to an actual narrative.

[corroded-hellfire]

Prompt Day 31: Your Song

Word Count: 999

Rating: G

Pairing: Eddie x Reader

CW: None

Summary: Part of my As You Wish universe! Ryan performs a very special song with some very special guests in the middle school talent show.

@corrodedcoffinfest

[As You Wish masterlist]

The murmur of the audience greets you and your husband as he yanks open the door to the middle school auditorium. You step in first, Eddie right behind you as you walk down the aisle, closer to the stage. 

“Oh, there’s Steve,” Eddie points out, gesturing to where the man is seated with his wife. You give them a small wave and Steve returns the gesture with his camcorder in his hand. “He said he’ll make a copy of the tape for us,” Eddie adds. 

“What’s Natalie doing?” you ask as you scan the rows of seats for two free ones.

“Uh, dancing, I think.”

There’s a pair of seats available in the middle of the eighth row and you and Eddie gladly take them. As your husband shucks out of his leather jacket and gets comfortable in his seat, he notices your fingers twisting together in your lap. He reaches over and softly rests one of his larger hands over both of yours. 

“Everything is fine. Wayne can handle both of them,” Eddie reminds you in a calm voice.

“I-I know,” you say, voice catching because of your damn fluctuating hormones. 

Tonight is the first night you and Eddie have been out together since Eliza was born. She’s three months old now and, like Eddie said, there’s not a doubt in your mind that Wayne can handle both her and Luke. But knowing this is the first time Eliza is without either parent is hard. 

Taking a deep breath, you nod your head and try to sink comfortably into your seat. 

“Were you ever able to get out of Ryan what his act is tonight?” you ask, if for no other reason than to try and keep your mind occupied. 

“Nope,” Eddie says. “Just said that we’ll see, and that Steve was driving him here early so he could practice.”

There isn’t a chance for you to respond because the lights in the auditorium dim and a woman dressed in a brown pantsuit walks on stage. 

“Hello! And welcome to Hawkins Middle School’s 2004 Winter Showcase Talent Show!” the woman says. “I’m Principal Abernathy and we are delighted to have all of you here with us tonight to see what these talented students have prepared.”

After watching students juggle, jump rope, do karate, and perform bird calls, a familiar name is called.

“Please welcome Natalie Harrington, Eve Sawyer, Catherine Click, and Maria Armas.”

An enthusiastic “Woo!” comes from the other side of the auditorium and you chuckle under your breath at Steve’s excitement. 

The lights come up and there’s Natalie on stage, along with three friends. 

Hey now

Hey now

The girls start slowly, striking different poses as the opening words repeat. 

Have you ever seen such a beautiful night 

I could almost kiss the stars for shining so bright

The girls are surprisingly good. You can’t take your eyes off of Natalie. 

The audience applauds as the routine ends and you glance over at your husband to see the same proud gleam in his eye that you know you must also have.

Three more acts go by before the moment you and Eddie have been waiting for arrives. 

“Up next is Ryan Munson,” Principal Abernathy announces. “With a little help from some special guests.”

You and Eddie turn to one another, confused. The maroon curtain moving onstage catches your eye and you both look back to where Ryan has stepped out. 

Nerves are written plain as day across your son’s face. 

Eddie notices a particular detail before you do, and his snicker has you looking over at him quickly.

“What?” you whisper.

“He’s wearing one of my old coveralls from the garage,” Eddie says, nodding to the twelve-year-old.

And sure enough, a navy jumpsuit that’s obviously been tailored to fit the smaller boy is Ryan’s costume of choice for the show. 

From behind his back, Ryan brings out a microphone and shakily holds it up to his mouth. 

“One, two…” he says softly. 

On his count, the curtains part and a very familiar melody begins to fill the auditorium. Both you and your husband have to do a double take when the curtain is finally open and the three members of Corroded Coffin are up on stage, backing Ryan up. 

Gareth is upstage with his drum set, and Jeff and Frank are both strumming their respective instruments. Ryan looks over his shoulder and you notice Gareth give him a wink. That’s just the courage Ryan needed, evidently, to begin singing.

Uptown girl

She's been living in her uptown world

I bet she's never had a backstreet guy

I bet her mama never told her why.

Your postpartum hormones instantly flood your eyes with tears. A hand comes up to cover your mouth as the influx of tears begin cascading down your face. Eddie’s strong, warm hand winds its way into your free one and you hold on to it like a lifeline. 

Ryan knows this is your and Eddie’s song. He knows how much it means to you. And he chose to perform it in the talent show. Somehow, he even managed to keep it a surprise until now! The Corroded Coffin guys are the sprinkles on this already sentimental sundae. 

Emotions overwhelm you, and Eddie wraps his arm around your shoulders as the song finishes up. 

My uptown girl

Your hands hurt from the enthusiasm you put behind applauding. 

Your oldest son takes a bow as the crowd cheers for him. He’s beaming—a triumphant look on his face as if he can’t believe he really just did that. 

Microphone in hand, blue coveralls, and an adorable, dimpled grin. It’s like you’re looking at a miniature Eddie up on that stage. Pride beams out of your every pore and one glance at your husband, and you know it’s the same for him. Eddie actually wipes at his eyes before turning his head to face you. He grins and licks his lips before speaking.

“That’s our boy.”

[strawberryblondebutch]

Toronto playing like this under Troy Ryan yet Canada under Troy Ryan will still somehow get another Worlds championship gold

The man is a Natalie Spooner merchant

[battyaboutbooksreviews]

🌈 Good morning and happy Wednesday, my bookish bats! You didn't think that tiny "queer books coming out this fall" guide was ALL there was, did you? Here are a FEW of the stunning, diverse queer books you can add to your TBR this month. Happy reading!

❤️ A Vision of Air by Nicole Silver 🧡 Eli Over Easy by Phil Stamper 💛 How to Get Over the End of the World by Hal Schrieve 💚 Kween by Vichet Chum 💙 The Forest Demands its Due by Kosoko Jackson 💜 The B-Side of Daniel Garneau by David Kingston Yeh ❤️ Midnight Companion by Kit Barrie 🧡 Let the Waters Roars by Geonn Cannon 💛 Into the Glittering Dark by Kelley York 💙 When the Rain Begins to Burn by A.L. Davidson 💜 Been Outside by Amber Wendler & Shaz Zamore 🌈 The Forest Demands Its Due by Kosoko Jackson

❤️ A Necessary Chaos by Brent Lambert 🧡 The Spells We Cast by Jason June 💛 Pluralities by Avi Silver 💚 Salt the Water by Candice Iloh 💙 Beholder by Ryan La Sala 💜 This Pact is Not Ours by Zachary Sergi ❤️ Dragging Mason County by Curtis Campbell 🧡 Menewood by Nicola Griffith 💛 Mary and the Birth of Frankenstein by Anne Eekhout 💚 The Dead Take the A Train by Cassandra Khaw & Richard Kadrey 💙 Bloom by Delilah S. Dawson 💜 Let Me Out by Emmett Nahil and George Williams

🌈 In the Form of a Question: the Joys and Rewards of a Curious Life by Amy Schneider ❤️ Songs of Irie by Asha Ashanti Bromfield 🧡 A Haunting on the Hill by Elizabeth Hand 💛 Being Ace by Madeline Dyer 💚 Charming Young Man by Eliot Schrefer 💙 The Glass Scientists by S.H. Cotugno 💜 The Fall of Whit Rivera by Crystal Maldonado ❤️ By Any Other Name by Erin Cotter 🧡 Brooms by Jasmine Walls and Teo DuVall 💛 Stars in Your Eyes by Kacen Callender 💚 Shoot the Moon by Isa Arsen 💙 The Bell in the Fog by Lev A.C. Rosen

🌈 Brainwyrms by Alison Rumfitt ❤️ Family Meal by Bryan Washington 🧡 A Murder of Crows by Dharma Kelleher 💛 A Light Most Hateful by Hailey Piper 💚 Love at 350° by Lisa Peers 💙 Greasepaint by Hannah Levene 💜 The Christmas Swap by Talia Samuels ❤️ Mate of Her Own by Elena Abbott 🧡 Mistletoe and Mishigas by M.A. Wardell 💛 Elle Campbell Wins Their Weekend by Ben Kahn 💚 All That Consumes Us by Erica Waters 💙 If You’ll Have Me by Eunnie

❤️ Tomorrow and Tomorrow by Lillah Lawson and Lauren Emily Whalen 🧡 10 Things That Never Happened by Alexis Hall 💛 It’s a Fabulous Life by Kelly Farmer 💚 Let the Dead Bury the Dead by Allison Epstein 💙 These Burning Stars by Bethany Jacobs 💜 The Goth House Experiment by SJ Sindu ❤️ Everything I Learned, I Learned in a Chinese Restaurant by Curtis Chin 🧡 Mudflowers by Aley Waterman 💛 Here Lies Olive by Kate Anderson 💚 Fire From the Sky by Moa Backe Åstot, trans. by Eva Apelqvist 💙 Iris Kelly Doesn’t Date by Ashley Herring Blake 💜 On the Same Page by Haley Cass

❤️ A Dish Best Served Hot by Natalie Caña 🧡 Art of the Chase by Jennifer Giacalone 💛 The Haunting of Adrian Yates by Markus Harwood-Jones 💚 The Sword: Xcian by Elle Arroyo 💙 The Complete Carlisle Series by Roslyn Sinclair 💜 300,000 Kisses by Sean Hewitt and Luke Edward Hall ❤️ Just a Pinch of Magic by Alechia Dow 🧡 Blackouts by Justin Torres 💛 Wrath Becomes Her by Aden Polydoros 💚 Let the Woods Keep Our Bodies by E.M. Roy 💙 Everything Under the Moon: Fairy Tales in a Queerer Light edited by Michael Earp ❤️ Frost Bite by Angela Sylvaine

🧡 We Met in a Bar by Claire Forsythe 💛 Sweat Equity Aurora Rey 💚 Pumpkin Spice by Tagan Shepard 💙 The Misfit Mage & His Dashing Devil by M.N. Bennet 💜 Love and Other Risky Business by Sarah Brenton ❤️ Enough by Kimia Eslah 🧡 A Fire Born of Exile by Aliette de Bodard 💛 Twelve Bones by Rosie Talbot 💚 Wild Wishes and Windswept Kisses by Maya Prasad 💙 Dragged to the Wedding by Andrew Grey 💜 Fox Snare by Yoon Ha Lee ❤️ Murder and Manon by Mia P. Manansala

[yourlocaltrashpandaxoxo]

Punch Out!! Family/Sibling Headcanons (Branch A)

@ashtxeman Just did this but I decided to add my own onto this dumpster fire blog cause... why not?

Glass Joe:

Father: Louis (Deceased (trampled by horses))

Mother: Amelié (Alive)

Siblings: None

Von Kaiser:

Father: Hans (Alive)

Mother: Hilda (Deceased (died to lung cancer))

Siblings: Henri (Older Brother)

Disco Kid:

Father: ??? (Status Unknown)

Mother: Denise (Alive)

Siblings: Dean (Older Brother (yes I stole this from @sukipershipper FITE ME)

King Hippo:

Father: ??? (Presumed Dead)

Mother: ??? (Presumed Dead)

Siblings: ???

Piston Hondo:

Father: Makoto (Deceased (died in a car crash))

Mother: Aiko (Deceased (died in a car crash))

Siblings: Aoi (Older Brother)

Bear Hugger:

Father: ??? (Status Unknown)

Mother: ??? (Presumed Alive)

Siblings: Courtney (Younger Sister)

Great Tiger:

Father: Raktim (Alive)

Mother: Nithya (Alive)

Siblings: Ishaan (Older Brother), Amrita (Younger Sister), Roshni (Younger Sister)

Don Flamenco:

Father: Pedro (Alive (yes I stole from Suki again... I am not creative))

Mother: Maria (Alive)

Siblings: Diego (Deceased Older Brother (died in a motorcycle crash), Julia (Older Sister), Mateo (Younger Brother), Marco (Younger Brother), Gabriella (Younger Sister), Lucas (Younger Brother), Sofia (Younger Sister)

Aran Ryan:

Father: ??? (Status Unknown)

Mother: Saoirse (Alive)

Siblings: Moira (Twin Sister), Sinead (Younger Sibling), Seán (Younger Brother), Brian (Younger Brother), Rory (Younger Sister)

Soda Popinski:

Father: ??? (Deceased (died while serving in the army, Soda doesn't remember his name))

Mother: Erika (Status Unknown)

Siblings: Ivan (Older Brother), Igor (Older Brother), Dmitri (Younger Brother)

Bald Bull:

Father: Demir (Alive)

Mother: ??? (Deceased (died during labour))

Siblings: None (he has a step-sister but he hates her)

Super Macho Man:

Father: Michael (Alive)

Mother: Cynthia (Alive)

Siblings: Brittany (Younger Sister)

Mr Sandman:

Father: Frazier (Deceased (committed suicide))

Mother: Jessica (Alive)

Siblings: Natalie (Older Sister), Monika (Younger Sister), Mandy (Younger Sister)

Little Mac:

Father: ??? (Status Unknown)

Mother: Susan (Alive)

Siblings: Maisy (Younger Sister)

[deathtothesoul]

A New Night Chapter 3

A handful of cleaners dressed in tan scrubs arrived at Quinn and Ryane's residence. One of them carried in a basket of clean clothes and set them down off to the side.

Another grabbed the new dirty basket Quinn had left by the door and took it immediately to the cleaning van they arrived in.

Ryane’s phone pinged. A blue chat bubble had popped up.

Lucas has invited you to a group chat. 

            She pressed accept.

Natalie: We found you! :-D

Lucas: Why didn't you tell us you had one of these?

Ryane: Lol Well I haven't been on much. :-P I've been busy. 

Natalie: We sent you friend requests!

Ryane opened her Facebook. Dozens of notifications greeted her. The most recent ones being friend requests from Lucas and Natalie.. She pressed “accept” on both of them.

Ryane: I accepted them!

Her timeline was flooded with likes and comments from Lucas and Natalie. They were quickly working their way into the depths of her profile, her high school days.

Lucas and Natalie could see some of the cruelty and her pain in Ryane's smile and fear in her eyes in some of her older photos. The Ryane they knew now seemed like an entirely different person then who they were seeing on their screens. She had posted many obvious pleas for help and dark content to her personal page but her cries were met only by empty likes and some toxic positivity. Her honesty faded over time, and her timeline was reduced to popular memes and YouTube videos.

Natalie: We love you so much Ryane. Don't forget that. <3 <3

Ryane: ik. I love you guys too. :-)

Lucas: Okay less lovey-dovey shit! More memes!

Ryane: YES!!!!

Natalie: YAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!

They exchanged dozens of memes and stupid YouTube videos. 

Ryane: We need to get Quinn in here.

Lucas: Haha good luck with that! XD

Natalie: I bet Ryane can persuade him.

Lucas: I would love to see her try.

Ryane: Ok. When we hang out later tonight I will talk to him about it and you will witness the power of the amazing Ryane!

Lucas: XD LMAO what are you the beast tamer?

Ryane: Omg I actually love that!

Ryane: Yes! I am the beast tamer! :-D

            “Quinn!” she called. 

            He was at her side in an instant. “Yes?”

            She showed him the chat. “I am the beast tamer.”

            Quinn looked through the chat and chuckled. “And I’m the beast?”

            She smiled and nodded.

            He bent down and gently pressed his lips to hers. “I suppose that’s fair.” He brushed some hair from her face. “But…I have also corrupted you. So what does that make me?”

            Ryane’s phone dinged again.

Lucas: $50 says you won’t get him in the chat with us.

Ryane: Let’s raise the stakes.

Ryane: If I can get Quinn to join this chat and get a smartphone AND get a Facebook then Natalie gives you a makeover.

Lucas: Deal!

Ryane: You’re on!

Natalie: Yay!!!

Natalie sent a GIF of a man eating popcorn.

            “Well, I wish you luck, darling,” Quinn said, giving her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

            “Wait, you're going to get a phone, Facebook, and join our chat right?”

            “I dunno…you’ll have to persuade me.”

            A seductive smirk spread across her face as she slowly started to unzip her hoodie.

            Quinn grabbed her wrist. “I believe it begins later tonight. No cheating.”

            Ryane scowled. 

            Quinn chuckled and kissed her before leaving.

            Ryane tapped Lucas’s profile picture. It was a black and white selfie with his shirt off, looking up at the camera with a snarky grin. She scrolled through his newsfeed, and it was mostly pictures he took of Quinn, Natalie, and himself. 

            She switched to looking at Natalie's profile. Her profile picture was of her smiling while Lucas kissed her cheek. It was mostly articles about the funeral industry, the decomposition of bodies, and a few pictures of her and Lucas together.

***

Once the group was together at Quinn and Ryane's home, they made their way to the living room. Quinn swiftly walked over to the large chair stationed beside the sofa. Lucas, Natalie, and Ryane sat on the couch.

            Quinn leaned back in his chair and folded his hands in his lap. “Alright. State your case, darling.”

            Ryane got up and stood in front of the three of them. 

            “Good luck,” Lucas snorted, crossing his arms.

            “For starters, getting a smartphone will give you more ways to communicate, like video chat. It's as easy as clicking your finger here, here, and then here. See? Simple enough?” Ryane instructed as she tapped on the phone. She continued to list the benefits of a smartphone. She spoke confidently and clearly knew what she was talking about.

Her slick salesmanship seemed to impress Quinn. “Hmm…” he said, pretending to think. “You make a compelling argument, but I don’t know.”

            “Told you,” Lucas said.

            Ryane shifted herself into his lap and pressed her lips to his. “How about now?” 

            “Oh, come on!” Lucas said, rolling his eyes.

            Ryane took out her phone, keeping the screen out of Lucas’s eyesight. It was a picture of her in a black push-up bra. “And pictures like this look a bit better, don’t they?”

            “What pictures?” Lucas demanded.

            “Pictures only Quinn gets to see,” Ryane said with a sly smile.

            “Wow! Someone’s playing dirty!” Lucas said, raising his eyebrows. “You really think that’s going to work?”

            Quinn’s eyes lit up. “You have persuaded me,” he said smoothly.

            “Yes!” Ryane got up and turned to Lucas, doing a triumphant fist pump. “Ha! Fuck you! I win! Get ready for your makeover!”

            Lucas huffed and crossed his arms. “Well, you’re going to have to teach him now.”

            “Quinn’s smart. He’ll catch on,” Ryane said confidently.

            Lucas threw his head back, laughing. “Have you ever tried to teach an old person how to use a phone?”

            Ryane paused, thinking back to a time when her mom got a new phone.

            “Why do I have to charge it?” Betty asked, glaring at Ryane.

            “Because the battery is going to die. See how it’s red?” Ryane said, pointing to the battery icon.

            “My other phone didn’t have this problem,” Betty said defensively.

            Ryane sighed, exasperated. “Alright. It’s like a baby. When a baby gets hungry, you feed it. Your phone is hungry. So you have to feed it,” Ryane enunciated.

            “Oh. Well, where do I plug it in?”

            Ryane’s left eye twitched.

"Well, have you?" Lucas asked.

"Yeah. I have, actually," she said defensively.

"And how did that go?"

"Well, Quinn is smart, so it probably won't be as bad," she said quickly.

"If you say so."

***

Shortly after arriving at Phone Wizardz, a salesperson waved Quinn and Ryane over. They turned to them with a polite smile. “And how can I help you today?”             “We are looking for a new phone,” Ryane stated.

They began talking in what sounded like code to Quinn. Words like Wi-Fi, 4G, and resolution were tossed around. They finally settled on a phone similar to the one Ryane had, so she would have an easier time teaching Quinn how to use it.

Quinn felt mildly uncomfortable being there surrounded by all the new technology, but with Ryane's help, they found a perfect match for him. The salesman pushed a rectangular-shaped box with a graphic of a shiny slick phone on the front of it toward Quinn and a small stack of papers for him to fill out. 

“We’ll need your email,” the saleswoman said.

“Oh…I don’t have one of those,” Quinn admitted.

The saleswoman furrowed her brow, confused, but kept her tone light. “Not a problem, we can set  you up with one right now!”

She patiently walked Quinn through making an email and directed him back to the paperwork.

“Here goes nothing,” Quinn huffed as he glided his pen across the papers. 

“I'm so proud of you!” Ryane squeaked.

Quinn smiled, knowing he would have a new way to connect with her made it all worth it.

***

“Alright, so here are the basics,” Ryane began holding up his phone. She took out her phone and called him. “This is what it looks like when you get a call. If you want to answer it, you tap this green button,” she said, demonstrating.

“Simple enough,” Quinn said.

“If you want to hang up, this is the button you would use. Then this one to mute.." 

Quinn looked at her, puzzled, but kept nodding as she spoke. She showed him how to send a text and use the camera. Quinn tried to keep his questions to a minimum, but there was so much to learn. Ryane patiently answered the large plethora of questions Quinn threw at her with ease.

***

Quinn has joined the chat…

Ryane: Quinn!!!! :-D

Lucas: About damn time!

Ryane: I win! :-P

Lucas: Yeah yeah whatever.

Natalie: Welcome to the internet Quinn! 

Quinn: What is a meme? Why is Facebook suggesting people I do not know? What is an emojo? Sincerely, Quinn

Lucas: Ffs.

Ryane: You mean emoji?

Quinn: I am very confused. Sincerely, Quinn

Ryane: Alright we're going to take this reeeeeeally slow. You don't have to put your name at the end. We can see it's you.

Quinn: Why did you use so many E's?

Lucas sent an eye roll emoji. 

Natalie: XD Aw! Poor Quinn. 

Ryane: People talk differently on the internet.

Quinn: Why is that?

Lucas: Because they do.

Quinn: What is a meme?

Ryane: An internet joke.

Natalie sent an image of a cute elderly woman staring confused at a computer screen with her mouth open. The large white text read, “what is this bullshit?”

Quinn: I do not get it.

Lucas: Omfg this is going to take for fucking ever! 

Natalie: And we will be patient.

Ryane: Yeah Lucas! Patience!

Lucas: Neither of you were there when I taught him how to use a flip phone! >.<

Quinn: I learned.

Lucas: Eventually! 

Quinn: Better late than never.

Lucas: The first smartphone was on the market by the time you learned. -_-

Natalie: We have time to teach him Lucas.

Lucas: -_-

They sent screenshots with red circles drawn on them to show Quinn where to click in order to open up emojis, GIFs, URL links, and post images.

It took until almost sunrise, but finally, Quinn finally got the fundamentals down. Natalie and Lucas were mentally exhausted, and Ryane was on her fourth cup of coffee.

Quinn: WHY ARE THERE STRANGE WOMEN TELLING ME TO MESSAGE THEM? I DON'T KNOW THESE PEOPLE! HOW DID THEY FIND ME?

Lucas: Next lesson: privacy settings. -_-

Quinn: :- ( I am very confused.

Natalie: Omg you used an emoji!!! :-D  

Ryane: Great job!!!! Soooo proud of you!!!!

Quinn: :- )

Lucas: Yeah you're actually doing pretty good.

Ryane: So about that bet…

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