#NOTHING IS GOING TO SCRATCH THE ITCH
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i know wei wuxian is first pick as god/personification of death etc. etc. (duh, perfect choice, so sexy) but i would like to propose jiang cheng for the part. in the same way elizabeth swann is death from that one post about her kisses damning the men she loves
in the way everything he touches and everything he loves seems to be doomed (sect, parents, sister, brother)
wei wuxian as life!!! as god of life!!! coming back, unkillable. life giving (core transfer, wen ning, etc.)*
jin ling doesn't die because at the end of the story, at the guanyin temple, wei wuxian is there too. to protect him the same way he protected jiang cheng
and this is why he (wei wuxian) has to go back to being yunmeng jiang's head disciple, in this essay i will—
*i'm not saying he lives well, but he lives! he fucking claws and crawls and fights his way out of the burial mounds, he just doesn't fucking quit** you know what i mean
**until he does, but that's a choice he makes.
#now i know the problem here is that wei wuxian loves and wants to protect the same things that jiang cheng does#and so why aren't /they/ safe? and i'm here to say: idk#this is not a complete theory. this is nothing at all actually#maybe because he's young and scared and sad and traumatized#or maybe it's because he thinks he doesn't deserve the love of these people idk#take jiang yanli's death for example. idk idk like i said i'm.. i'm just shooting shit out of my mouth#even that aside it doesn't work ALSO because jiang cheng saves and raises his dead sect back from its ashes. he Very Much(tm) does that.#edit: adding this in bc i had this in my drafts for literally two weeks now i wrote it in a rush after going to bed#i was half asleep already when the thought came to me so i just typed this out in a rush before going back to sleep and like idk what#to add to it. idk how to polish it. it's nothing!! but i can't delete it. i tried i just can't it's like an itch i can't scratch#i have to set it out into the world. don't @ me i know i've made better posts#untamed.txt#jiang cheng#wei wuxian#yunmeng shuangjie#fra.txt
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woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.
#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void#shits rough dawg#I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts#haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier#it’s cold#saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early.#and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed.#went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours#guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left#even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are#I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh#my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week#maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done.#I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting#woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside#hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning#can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding)#actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so…#I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience#anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments#I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired.#I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die.#is this relatable?#just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda.#gonna look at pictures of butts now#ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever#you can ignore this#text
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Listen I know it was forever ago but what if after lesson 16, whenever the brothers mention how much MC reminds them of Lilith Mc is like, “Who?”
They’re grateful for what she did and honestly I love the thought of them being the only one to see her ghost and they’re besties but like
This is to piss the brothers off and stop them from comparing. They can talk about her. But not compare. Lilith supports this and does not want her greatx70 grandchild to be a walking memory.
#also in this universe it takes a little while for things to go back to normal#this is coming from someone who’s favorite is Belphie#give me the angst give me the trauma that definitely isn’t a mask for my own#give me the extreme guilt that Belphie feels and that slowly turning into an obsessive love for MC#give me all that toxic shit#I’ve been wanting this for idk how many years now#nothing has truly scratched this itch#and I unfortunately don’t have the motivation to start another series#I am planning on adding another chapter for my current one though it’s been to long#but yeah I’m still not over it#and that’s ok#maybe#kinda#no not really#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me belphegor
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Dealing with the tail end of another artblock by brainstorming feral Good Hunter Aloysha looks. Because she was not already feral enough for me I guess lmao ✨️
#sin scribbles#(her bad vibes are so intense even my artblock runs away from her.)#(currently experimenting with giving her a jaw guard as part of her gear as u can see ��)#(probably more darkbeast bones why not she has the claw already!!!)#(and yes i finally remembered she has the beast hide garb bc rly nothing else scratches the same feral itch. NOTHING!!!!)#(i might give her a custom version of the hood for that set tho bc. well. she needs smth for when it rains!!!)#(so sorry i just been like dead lately and this is all i got ive been quite unwell 😂)#(my entire eye was swollen up today????? cool i guess...)#(well whatever. have my nasty girl)#(its all that damn dmc music i been listening to!!!!!)#(hi. subhuman anyone? yes.)#(i want her to just be completely unhinged. we MUST go deeper.)
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too little gfx in the tags lately this is so unfortunate
#pros of tumblr: backwater hell. cons of tumblr: backwater hell#actually add another con: hostile to all image makers now ig#nothing but gifs..................... please..... graphics where r u#tho tbh idk where the graphics makers live because i literally have never seen any on twitter either#a discord for transparent renders that i lurk in opened a channel to share your edits and like#some of them are a bit cluttered but they're still very nice and nothing like tumblr's usual edit style#they're very . digital ig? full of textures text stickers and random bits and bobs everywhere its interesting#some of them also have the magazine mockup thing going on so its got block font bold as hell style usually main focus is drippy splash art#which like . WHERE DO YOU ALL POST YOUR WORK?? SHOW PLEASE ive never seen any style like it in my life#all are like really cool as hell though im impressed and inspired#esp these are all single image focused whereas tumblr's full of like photosets that make up 1 coherent thing#so it's a different kind of challenge... sooooooooo cool though#lowkey wanna try it zzzzz theyre all so neat... scratches a good itch..#ramblings!
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.
#Been trying to get myself out of the mentality of 'saving things for forever because it'll make them last' and instead just enjoy them now..#Anyway just got a big batch of different teas from someone in my local Buy Nothing group and#there was this apple spice one that sounded good but I knew it was going to be weaker than I wanted flavor-wise so I just doubled it up#and not gonna lie there is a part of me that is riding a high on the idea that I'll be able to get through these teas faster because I can#just. double them up lol. who's stopping me?? Not ME#See this is all scratching the itch(es) of 1) I didn't buy anything 2) I'm using what I got so it's not JUST clutter in the house 3) I have#a strategy on actually using it and am actively fighting against instincts I want to change#Yup exciting times in Roshon's life#useless post is useless
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Its probably because im changing my meds but its so fucking annoying i havent been able to sleep because i am unable to lay still for 5 seconds and the fact that i had (lets hope it was only one) a mosquito in my room that has been eating me alive the past two nights does not help this situation at all! I am covered in itchy mosquito bites that i keep scratching and i keep jerking my legs around every few seconds which of course makes my ridiculously loud bed creak every time... i am so tired and i have things to do today so i cant even just sleep through the day instead ☹️
#i finally managed to kill the mosquito (it was so full of blood >:C ) and i can only hope it was the only one#it kept flying atound my face every time i tried to sleep and buzzing in my ears i hate that so much#also i have nothing to put on the bites so they just keep itching until i scratch them open so thats just great#and i know ill be able to sleep during the day for sure! i fucking hate this shit#fuck my stupid baka life#if it turns out there are more mosquitos ill have to go sleep at my mums place or smth#god sleepless nights suck so fucking much!!!!!!#mine#delete later
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x
#╳┆ dayne speaking ┆◜ ooc ◞#don’t mind me t.gcf posting again but like#you’re telling me no one thought it was weird that JW put that first cursed shackle around XL’s neck#everyone else gets one around the wrist but my boy gets one around the throat and one around the ankle… that’s suspicious. that’s weird.#like yea yea it’s meant to be humiliating by design but why is my boy the only one who gets collared. I just find it VERY convenient#obliterating JW with my mind#I’ve written at least two versions of fx / mq finding out about… well literally everything that happened to XL#& have read multiple fics on the topic#but none of it is really scratching the itch… I can see why it was left out of canon#HOWEVER. I need it addressed. for reasons……#mq is an easy character to write in theory but that’s completely undercut by the fact that I never have any idea what to expect#when he opens his fucking mouth like I can write his internal monologue but his dialogue escapes me in most cases#fx on the other hand is so very predictable. the dub really captures the himbo of it all#every time he speaks in the dub I crack up like why are you punching me with your words man please take a xanax#also ik there’s an overabundance of coffin fics but I had the idea of xl spending a century tripping on DMT#and I can’t stop thinking about it#I know I’m going to end up writing it but I have no idea what it’s going to turn out like#sigh. I need to stfu but I’ve done nothing but read & occasionally write ff for this series for like. two fucking weeks or something#and I probably will not get a grip anytime soon#hu.alian saved me from welwitschia but at what fucking cost
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Going through ao3 is really just like
1. *reads summary* that’s so not true
2. *reads another summary* he wouldn’t say that
3. *sees tags* hmph (derogatory)
4. I don’t know the language even though it’s set in English
5. URGH
#I am#struggling#ao3#I’m crying I just wanna read something good#nothing scratches the itch 😭#do I just reread something????#there’s so much but there’s nothing for my current mood#Julie is rambling#I should go to sleep but hü
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!
#i love driving *so* much. like i was made to move i think. i was made to Go#i could do it for hours. days. just keep going and going. coasting. racing. cruising#i learned to drive stick today. and i drove down a highway that was pretty empty. and it wound through hills. groves of trees#tall grasses. i passed a winery and a small town or two with populations of only a couple hundred. large fields and farms#cows and horses. a rodeo fairground#it was beautiful. and no one was around. and i just drove and it's my favorite thing ever i think#god. it's like swimming in a moment. does that make sense? it's like i have nothing to worry about#and i love driving as the sun sets. i also love driving in the city at night when everyone is moving and living and doing all sorts of stuff#i love the lights and the smell of cold concrete. i also love the sun on my skin and wind through my hair and the smell of nature#and i love passing through it all. things slow down and speed up at the same time. i think i love it for the same reasons i love liminality#because that's also sorta what it's like#ugh#i hope someday part of my soul gets to fly a rickety old spaceship through the stars#there's an itch there that needs to be scratched. it won't happen in my lifetime but. maybe sometime later#anyways. i'm so glad i'm alive#sometimes i remember when i couldn't imagine myself older than 16/17#and i think about all my favorite things i've experienced. and everything i want to do. and i hold it so tightly#i'm just glad i'm here#sap says
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I would like some asks please
#I’ve been pingponging between a ton of fandoms and pairings and none of them. none of them are scratching that itch.#I’m suffering.#I must be in some kind of mood because my cat is being so much cuddlier atm#which is. awful. because it’s so hot#it’s so hot and the neighbors have been so much louder these past few days and nothing is really making me happy#I just wanna. like. roll on the floor and scream#it’s been so bad I full on skipped classes these past two days#I don’t usually do that#missing class makes me so anxious I do everything I can to make it#and I still *tried* I got dressed and stuff but then. just didn’t go.#no fandom#it’s just. so hot#and I keep getting horrible headaches
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absolutely radioactive combination in my top four artists this week i think im gonna explode or something
#PLEASE LISTEN TO THE BERDLYCORE ALBUMS BY XAEV THEYRE SO.#SO??????#crack cocaine music. free adhd medication. i feel like im on a different plane of exsistence#discovered them at like 12am sunday#been on that grind ever since i havent listened to anythibg else#nothing else has been able 2 scratch the same itch#the way ive been describing it to people is like#so you take a rwcording of a radio broadcast from 2010-2019#and then you make a youtube poop of that broadcast#and then you make a hyperpop/breakcore remix of that ytp.#and for seasoning#you take the brain of a 12 year old circa like 2016 who spends way too much time on the internet and really really likes fnaf and undertale#and whatever else fits that genre of things 12 yr olds who were raised by the internet were obsessed with in 2016#and you take their brain and you wring it out on top of the album#like a wet rag#and then u shake it up#and also sometimes you remember its called berdlycore and you go haha :) i love that guy! :) berlycore hehe :)#going insane#wormtext
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pivoting now i'm watching sunny lets gooooo
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tbh cutting my own hair very quickly went from being an empowering thing to being an obsessive compulsion that has taken over my life and sanity
#like i like my hair and im proud of being the one to cut it and all#and my decision to first cut my hair short helped me feel more at home in my gender presentation#but oh my god i am constantly checking and cutting and checking and cutting without end#its like a mosquito bite that itches and you scratch it to get relief for a split second before freling even worse#like i have gotten up from tv shows abruptly to go cut my hair or gone up and down my stairs multiple times to go to the bathroom to cut it#at school if i notice an uneven strand i will go crazy over it and checking it until i can get home for the relief of cutting it#idk if its like#trichrotemnomania#or#ocd#or what#i mean i have some other habits like checking the stove if its off and locking my door and putting deodorant on a certain way#and i do get intrusive thoughts sometimes#but idk i guess i just never thought i had or wouls have ocd#and nothing has ever felt this intense like it feels with hair cutting#at least i do a decent job i guess sigh
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thank you so much everyone who’s ever depicted the helmsman as a horribly grotesque mutilated monstrous Thing
#like ohhhggoough sometimes that scratches the itch JUST RIGHT. yk.#condy and the overpowered eldritch abomination in her basement#there’s more that can be said abt gods and monsters and men and all that Deliciousness but that’s for someone better at words than me lol#anyways. when he’s so expansive goopyfleshycore. and there’s not much of what was Him left. mind and humanity in a questionable state. mmmm#indulgent. decadent. stunning.#the voidmother helmsman reddit creature or whatever. OOOIUHHGGH#sometimes u just need excessive body horror. for funsies.#okay that’s all. going to sleep now! sure hope nothing like this shows up in my dreams tehehehe [giggles cutely] [twirls hair] [salivating#slobbering drooling like a dog]
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genuinely fucked up that the tiebreak on taskmaster involved learning pi because now ive been given profoundly niche evidence that there is a practical application to memorizing pi, and now im filled with the urge to memorize another 10 digits and shoot for 60
#i like memorizing stuff!!! it's so fun!!!!!#ive been scratching that itch in the past few years with complicated song lyrics (see: blackboxwarrior)#but what if i got back into the og#a nice round 75 sounds nice... is that too ambitious???#the upcoming chunk to memorize is 5820974944#and that's QUITE pleasing#expecially the 974944#it has a pleasant rhythm to it. NINE seven four NINE fourfour#5820 isnt as good but it's blunt. direct.#but im defaulting to thinking of it as five eight twenty#which doesnt ring well when saying it out at once#but five eight two zero sounds abominable#there's no soul there#that'll be the sticking point for sure#down here in the trenches of pi 50-60 isnt nearly as pleasurable as some of the preceding numbers#nothing's ever going to beat 169399. thats as good as pi gets right there#you know im starting to think maybe im not neurotypical. but i have no clue what ive got going on so im just gonna go back to memorizing pi
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