#NOT putting this in any tags i am SCARED
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datv is so fun already i love seeing polls about characters with questions like āwho are you most interested in pre-releaseā and all four female companions and davrin are the lowest percentages <3<3 for no reason probably
#and then lucanis and emmrich are at the top#im getting bg3 dejavu but whatever. Gritting teeth. Its whatever#sometimes davrin is high and that brings me joy he is the guy i find most interesting#NOT putting this in any tags i am SCARED#roscoe rambles#dont mind this im feeling an Emotion but it is my fault for opening the dragon age tag
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Things to Do that Aren't Related to Growing Plants
This is my second post in a series Iāll be making on how to increase biodiversity on a budget! Iām not an expert--just an enthusiast--but I hope something you find here helps!Ā
Some of us just donāt have much luck when it comes to growing plants. Some of us simply want to aim for other ways to help that donāt involve putting on gardening gloves. Maybe you've already got a garden, but you want to do more. No problem! Thereās a couple of options you can look into thatāll help attract wildlife in your area without even having to bring out any shovels!
Provide a Water Source
Oftentimes when I see āadd a water sourceā in informational articles about improving your backyard for wildlife, itās almost always followed by an image of a gorgeous backyard pond with a waterfall and rock lining that looks expensive to set up, difficult to maintain, and overall justā¦ not feasible for me. Arguably, not feasible for a lot of people. And thatās okay! Thereās still ways to add water in your garden for all kinds of creatures to enjoy!
Thereās tons of ways to create watering stations for insects like bees and butterflies. A self refilling dog bowl can work wonders! Add some stones into the receiving tray for insects to land on or use to climb out, and youāve got a wonderful drinking spot for all kinds of insects! You can also fill a saucer or other dish with small stones and fill it, though itāll likely need refilling daily or even several times a day during hot times.Ā
I've seen people online use all kinds of things to make water features. Some go with terra-cotta pots, pebbles, and a cheap pump to get a small and simple fountain. Others use old tires, clay, and a hole in the ground to create an in-ground mini pond system. If all else fails, even a bucket or watertight box with a few plants in it can do the trick--though do be wary of mosquitoes if the water isnāt moving. In situations like these, a solar-powered fountain pump or bubbler are great for keeping the water moving while still making it a drinking option for wildlife (it not even more appealing for some)--and these items can be obtained fairly cheap online!
Bird baths are an option as well--a classic way to provide for birds in your area, they can be easy to find online or in a gardening store! The only downside is that a good, quality bird bath can be pricey up-front. However, a nice stone bird bath should last a long time, be easy to clean and refill, and be enjoyed by many birds! Iāve also seen tutorials on how to make your own with quickcrete! Bird baths will be a welcome sight to birds, as they provide a space for them to drink and bathe to regulate the oils in their feathers for flight and insulation. Putting a stone in the middle will also help insects to escape if they fall in, and provide a place to perch so they can get their own drink. Youāll want to change the water and clean the baths regularly--as often as once a week, if you can manage it.
If possible, itās highly encouraged to fill and refill water features with rainwater instead of tap water. Tap water is often treated, so instead of using hoses or indoor kitchen water, collecting some rainwater is a great alternative. Collecting rainwater can be as simple as leaving cups, bins, or pots outside for awhile.
Butterflies and other creatures will also drink from mud puddles. If you can maintain an area of damp soil mixed with a small amount of salt or wood ash, this can be fantastic for them! Some plants also excel at storing water within their leaves and flowers (bromeliads come to mind), making them an excellent habitat for amphibians as well as a drinking spot for insects and birds.
Bird Feeders and Bird Houses
Some of the fancy, decorated bird feeders are expensive, but others can be pretty low-cost--I got my bird feeder from Loweās for around 10 dollars, and a big bag of birdseed was around another 10 dollars and has lasted several refills! If you donāt mind occasionally buying more birdseed, a single birdfeeder can do a lot to attract and support local birds! If youāre handy, have some spare wood, and have or can borrow some tools, you may even be able to find instructions online to make your own feeder. You may not even need wood to do so! Even hummingbird feeders, Iāve found, are quick to attract them, as long as you keep them stocked up on fresh sugar water in the spring and summer!
An important note with bird feeders is that you have to make sure you can clean them regularly. Otherwise, they may become a vector for disease, and we want to avoid causing harm whenever possible. Also keep an ear out and track if thereās known outbreaks of bird diseases in your area. If local birding societies and scientists are advising you take your birdfeeders down for awhile, by all means, do it!
Bird houses are naturally paired with bird feeders as biodiversity promoters for backyard spaces, and it makes sense. Having bird houses suited to birds in your area promotes them to breed, raise their young, disperse seeds, and generally engage in your surrounding environment. Setting them up takes careful selection or construction, preparation, and some patience, but sooner or later you might get some little homemakers! Keep in mind, you will need to clean your birdhouses at least once a year (if not once per brood) to make sure theyāre ready and safe for birds year after year--you wouldnāt want to promote disease and parasites, after all. But they could be a valuable option for your landscape, whether you purchase one or construct your own!Ā
Again, do make sure you're putting up the right kind of boxes for the right kinds of birds. Bluebird boxes are some I see sold most commonly, but in my area I believe they're not even all that common--a nesting box for cardinals or chickadees would be far more likely to see success here! And some birds don't even nest in boxes--robins and some other birds are more likely to use a nesting shelf, instead! Research what birds live in your area, take note of any you see around already, and pick a few target species to make homes for!
Solitary Bee Houses
A bee house or bee hotel is a fantastic way to support the solitary bees in your area! For a few dollars and some annual cleaning, you can buy a solitary bee house from most big box nurseries. Alternatively, you can make one at home, with an array of materials you may already have lying around! You can even make them so that theyāll benefit all kinds of insects, and not necessarily just bees.
Though you donāt even necessarily have to break out the hammer and nails, buy a ton of bricks, or borrow a staple gun. Making homes for tunneling bees can be as simple as drilling holes in a log and erecting it, or drilling holes in stumps and dead trees on your property. You might even attract some woodpeckers by doing this!
Providing Nesting Area
There are tons of different kinds of bees, and they all make different kinds of homes for themselves. Not all of them make big cavity hives like honey bees, or will utilize a solitary bee house. Bumblebees live in social hives underground, particularly in abandoned holes made by rodents--some others nest in abandoned bird nests, or cavities like hollow logs, spaces between rocks, compost piles, or unoccupied birdhouses. Borer, Ground, and Miner bees dig into bare, dry soil to create their nests. Sparsely-vegetated patches of soil in well-drained areas are great places to find them making their nests, so providing a similar habitat somewhere in the garden can encourage them to come! I do talk later in this document about mulching bare soil in a garden--however, leaving soil in sunny areas and south-facing slopes bare provides optimal ground nesting habitat. Some species prefer to nest at the base of plants, or loose sandy soil, or smooth-packed and flat bare ground. Theyāve also been known to take advantage of soil piles, knocked over tree roots, wheel ruts in farm roads, baseball diamonds and golf course sand traps. You can create nesting ground by digging ditches or creating nesting mounds in well-drained, open, sunny areas with sandy or silty soil. However, artificially constructed ground nests may only have limited success.Ā
Providing Alternative Pollinator Foods
Nectar and pollen arenāt the only foods sought out by some pollinators! Some species of butterflies are known to flock to overripe fruit or honey water, so setting these out can be an excellent way to provide food to wildlife. You may want to be cautious about how you set these out, otherwise it can help other wildlife, like ants or raccoons. Butterflies may also drop by to visit a sponge in a dish of lightly salted water.Ā
Bat Houses and Boxes
Big or small, whether they support five bats or five hundred, making bat boxes and supporting local bats is a great way to boost biodiversity! Not only will they eat mosquitoes and other pest species, but you may also be able to use the guano (bat droppings) as fertilizer! Do be careful if you choose to do that though--Iāve never had the opportunity to, so do some research into how strong it is and use it accordingly.
Provide Passageway Points
If you want your area to be more accessible for creatures that canāt fly or climb fences, allowing or creating access points can be an excellent way to give them a way in and out. Holes in the bottom of walls or fences can be sheltered with plants to allow animals through.Ā
In a somewhat similar manner, if youāre adding a water fixture, itās important to provide animals a way to get into and out of the pond--no way in, and they canāt use the water. No way out, and they may drown. Creating a naturalistic ramp out of wood beams or sticks, or stepped platforms out of bricks, stones, or logs can do the trick.Ā
Get or Keep Logs and Brush Piles
Iāve already mentioned logs a good handful of times so far in this post. To be used as access ramps, or as nesting areas for solitary bees. But they have value as much more than that! Logs on the ground provide shelter for all kinds of animals, especially depending on size--anything from mice, reptiles, and amphibians to things like turkey vultures and bears will use fallen logs as shelter. Inside of a decaying log, thereās a lot of humidity, so amphibians are big fans of them--meanwhile, the upper sides of them can be used as sunning platforms by things like lizards. Other animals can also use the insides of logs as nest sites and hiding places from predators too big to fit inside. Fungi, spiders, beetles, termites, ants, grubs, worms, snails, slugs, and likely much more can be found inside rotting logs, using the rotting wood as food sources or nesting places. They can then provide food for mammals, amphibians, reptiles, and birds. They can also be regarded as a landmark or territory marker as wildlife get more familiar with your space.
So how do you get logs for cheap? Try Chip Drop! I talk about them more in a future post, but you can mark saying that youād like logs in your drop, so theyāll give you any they have! In fact, you may even get a drop faster if you're willing to accept some logs. You may also be able to approach arborists you see working in your area and ask for logs. There may also be local online listings for people selling logs for cheap, or just trying to get rid of them. If thereās land development going on near you, you may be able to snag logs from trees they cut down to make space. Do keep in mind, you donāt need to have huge gigantic logs laying around your property to make an impact--even small logs can help a lot.
If possible, creating and leaving brush piles on the edge of your property can be a great boost to biodiversity--even if you may not see the wildlife using it. Theyāll provide shelter from weather and predators, and lower portions are cool and shady for creatures to avoid the hot sun. The upper layers can be used as perch sites and nest sites for song birds, while lower layers are resting sites for amphibians and reptiles, and escape sites for many mammals. As the material decays, they also attract insects, and as such theyāll attract insect-eating animals too. As more small animals find refuse in your brush pile, their predators will be attracted to them as well. Owls, hawks, foxes, and coyotes are known to visit brush piles to hunt. Making a brush pile can be as simple as piling branches and leaves into a mound, as big or as small as you want. You can even use tree stumps or old fence posts near the base, and keep stacking on plant trimmings and fallen branches. Do note that you donāt want to do this near anything like a fire pit.
Don't forget, with all of these, your mileage may vary for any variation of reasons, so don't worry if you can't take all of even any of these actions! Even just talking about them with other people may inspire someone else to put out a bat box, or leave a few logs out for wildlife!
That's the end of this post! My next post is gonna be about ways to get seeds and plants as cheaply as possible. For now, I hope this advice helps! Feel free to reply with any questions, success stories, or anything you think I may have forgotten to add in!
#biodiversity#solarpunk#environmental stewardship#gardening#outdoor gardening#(i know this is literally the Dont Gotta Garden post but these could also be excellent additions to a preexisting garden so)#ani rambles#out of queue#the biodiversity saga#here in the tags to once again emphasize your mileage may vary with all of these#my mom is scared of bats theres no way in hell shes gonna let me put up a bat box#but I have been able to put out a shallow bird bath and a little solarpowered hummingbird bath fountain#do what you can! every bit counts! You may be able to do something that I or your neighbors can't!#for example my nextdoor neighbors have literally no trees in their backyard where the hell would they put a bat box#meanwhile i have trees in my backyard but still can't put up a bat box. maybe the neighbors next to me could!#similarly brush piles are a no go for my family but someone somewhere else could set one up!#i am rambling in the tags now uh long story short do what you can don't stress about what you can't
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Close ups on the pocket details!!! I'm SUPER happy w how the top pockets look š³š³š³
I think the variety of pride pins with the moral panic button/Mr Faggot beadwork just. Really sells it. Shadow the Hedgehog voice Pee Your Pants. If you're going to be a shithead about me I'm going to be really annoying and do a bit about it. Plus the little golden angel pin... ALSO really pulls the whole thing together. "God help you" Right in front of my guardian angel? Really? šAnd how could I not make mention of. The Skull. I love you The Skull. It's a button (not sewn on yet, pinned) that I filled the details in w nail polish. Oh yeah! Besides the bottle cap pins (acrylics sealed with mod podge and a prayer), the biggest addition there is the chain lining the pocket flap! I think it looks SO SLICK
The pansy was gonna go on the queer side, but then I got the boutonniere idea! And I think it looks nice! Kinda adds to the asymmetry of the floral print/plaid blocking. And... of course.... I have... my friends...... š„ŗ Biggest additions here are the glow-star pentagram pin, soda tabs and the heart locket!
I don't really have many new additions to the bottom pockets. Not yet! The only thing I did was stitch one side of the handcuff chain, and rearrange the pins holding up the other side. The cuffs/scorpion was just an impulse addition before going to a concert. But I do like it! And it looks even better now! Meanwhile, that other pocket, I actually have no idea what I'll do. Sakura is just there cause she matches really well, esp w the angel pin actually!
#punk tag#diy punk#my projects#I FORGOT I USED THAT TAG .#also i AM gonna put patches on this thang I PROMISE. I WAS TOO SCARED LAST RUN. THIS RUN. WILL BE DIFFERENT.#again still waiting. but i really really wanted to show off/talk about the details!!!!!#i have sooooo many Thoughts behind this jacket like. an entire ideology. it almost feels like drag in a way#like! in the sense that there's a performance and art going on here. if my existence is inherently controversial#then i'm gonna lean into that. make you sit with that. and i'm NO LONGER CUTE ABOUT IT#<- guy who called himself cute yesterday bc I LOOKED REALLY GOOD. IT WAS AWESOME. OKAY#i forget i have a body and a face so much.#also! the cuffs!!! feel like a slight nod to the kink community. like. i really do feel like the demonization of kink#is the reason why so much. everything is so bad. i have thoughts about this but i can't fully articulate them rn#but like. points at the sign that says all queerness and esp queer expression is kink in the eyes of bigots#points at the sign that those are my friends you asshole. it might even be me. who knows....#any which way! really coming together! i do really need to get studs though i think. the. horrors.#and also i'll look sick as hell.#rn i feel it's... well. not exactly subtle but i am fortunate to live in a safe area. i live in mind your own business state.#not like. saying that to you i mean like that's the general attitude where i live LMFAOOO#the worst i've gotten is a lady saying 'god help you' to me in passing. and that was really recent#an indication of ohhh changing tides. unsettling. but also she couldn't even look me in the eye when she said that lmfao#any which way! i am thinking of my safety but also i do feel like i'm lucky enough to have time.#my jacket
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Yin and War will do anything for their fans but can they break with BL traditions and give me Jack genuinely having to go after Joke because both of their traumas matter and they both need to put work into this relationship to make it work and to put them on equal footing in this love story rather than it being about Joke always having to apologize for his choices?
#no tags here#negative#deep fear for me y'all#i am so scared that Joke is going to have to keep chasing Jack forever#and that we will never see Jack have to put in emotional labor for the relationship#because the show's focus on class commentary means that Joke's trauma gets constantly downplayed instead of respected#and i fully expect it will happen again#that jack will be hurt and it will all be joke's fault and joke will get no care from him#maybe care from the other friends#but nothing from jack#and jack will go cry alone and then joke will have to get back to him#instead of jack having to make sure joke came back#and i just....#i am so scared#especially after the school scene#where it was so funny that joke couldn't do math and froze and tried to play it lightly but he was SO scared#but the show didn't give his pain any weight
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I have just finished Chapter 10 of Northanger Abbey. Some thoughts:
I kind of wish I had read this book first out of Jane Austenās works, if only because I would have related to Catherine more
since Iām mostly familiar with Pride and Prejudice and Emma and Persuasion, and a little knowledgeable of Sense and Sensibility, (I have yet to even touch Mansfield yet, I am so sorry) I was immediately like what the heck do you mean Catherineās got a brother
who is this man?? what is he doing here???
Iāve read too many P&P fics,,, the state of being brotherless is just so ingrained into the story conflicts and character dynamics in my head, whoops
Mr Thorpe was annoying from the first, and he has only gotten on my nerves even more (and do I smell a fortune hunter??)
Isabella is also hmm
at first I was leery of her and Catherineās friendship because of how sheās older and more polished; I was sceptical of the sincerity of how quickly they seemed to get attached
also I get the vibe that sheās hiding something from Catherine (has she met Tilney beforeā¦?)
but if sheās really Jamesās love interest, then I see her as more harmless; more of a disappointment, less of a threat, I guess?
still absolutely relieved Catherineās not overly attached to her now though
Miss Tilney intrigues me
I like her so far
might be my favourite character but weāll see weāll see
Mr Tilney also intrigues me but less decisively of a favourable bent
Iām kinda suspicious but idrk why
tryna withhold judgement since he hasnāt actually done anything sus yet (that I can think of)
plus I genuinely enjoy his and Catherineās tĆŖte-Ć -tĆŖtes
so mostly on the fence
I am most curious about General Tilney, idk why but he is piquing my interest
the exposition about the late Mrs Tilney seems very deliberate
the whole family is just intriguing I sāpose ĀÆ\_(ć)_/ĀÆ
loving the writing, unsurprisingly
I put off Northanger for a long time because I hadnāt expected it to be as lighthearted as it is due to some reviews Iād read but
there do be plenty of funny parts
and of course Miss Austenās characteristic wit is ubiquitous <3
Please forgive me for any egregious mistakes, I am no literary academic and cannot spot themes or symbols or meta details for my life. šš½šš½
#a detectiveās gallimaufry#austen#northanger abbey#jane austen#i am low-key scared to be putting this in the actual jane austen / northanger abbey tags#because i do not want literature geniuses to see any terrible āāanalysesāā that my unlearnĆØd self has put forth#but ultimately#i think it would be funny#if i have gotten The Very Wrong Impression about something#and educated and/or dedicated fans of jane austen can point and laugh#eta since some people are reblogging the original post saying they hope to see how i like the rest of the book:#check my self-rbs for my reactions to later chapters!#and thank you so much for your validation and encouragement š¤š¤
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this is a tiny pet peeve but i think its kinda odd that people seem to like. forget, or maybe just neglect to take into account, that yellow, for whatever reason (whether he's an alt universe john or a fresh piece of this universe's KIY that kayne went and ripped off) has ALSO been trapped in the dark world prior to being with arthur and has exactly as many Feelings about it. this is a very load bearing character trait imo
#the nemesis speaks#mv liveblog#malevolent spoilers#standard ''fandom hermit'' disclaimer most of my perception of common hc/characterization here is just osmosis from fics ive read#this is why i lean way more towards the ''alt timeline john'' idea than anything else#bc how does it work otherwise. did kayne grab a new piece of the king and then. stick it in the dark world to finish cooking?#i mean i wouldn't put it past him i guess it just seems like a needless logistical investment on his part#anyway more to the point. in terms of personality/character i think both of them are several layers removed from the king atp#and it's BECAUSE of the dark world. BECAUSE they went through this process of being helpless and fighting for their lives#that's why yellow is Like That. this is why he bites.#you think the king would be that goddamn defensive and scared and easily cowed by threats?? fuck no. hes better than that#relatedly i think ppl overestimate how much yellow actually remembers of being the king#and correspondingly underestimate how much the persona really is just a mask he grabbed at to defend himself from arthur#''ok you're saying that i am this thing and you hate and fear it so i'll become it and then you'll stop snapping that fucking whip at me''#like cmon. you make a guy feel so fucking lost and small and helpless and then tell him that he used to be a fucking GOD#what is he supposed to do besides lean into that idea in hopes of getting any of that power back to defend himself with??#yellow my poor lil meow meow... my sad wet cat who refuses to admit he is wet or sad...#anyway i'll stop doing character analysis in the tags now#malevolent
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this is a test
#iām bored i just wanna see how many words i can put in the tags like will it just keep going on forever or will they stop me like i know th#the tag limit is 30 ok so the iindividual tag limit is 140 characters thatās actually so rude i wanted to keep going forever and see how lo#g this could be but i guess we can do this 30 times ok what the flip should i talk about hm i was playing the guitar today but i rage quit#ause the song was hard and hurting my fingers! ermmmmm it was sunny ok this is boring letās think of more exciting things to type hmmm acco#ding to all known laws of aviation- jk iām not doing the bee movie script but can you imagine i think that would be funny hmmmmm words i lo#e podcasts so bad thatās a fact no one has ever know before my blog definitely isnāt all about audio dramas the people are definitely not a#ready aware of this jesus christ this is only the seventh one of these this is actually quite a lot of space i underestimated how much i ha#e to type btw thereās probably spelling mistakes in here somewhere or autocorrect has been annoying but i cba to retype anything so i donāt#care lolllllllllllll how do you feel about oscar malevolent i feel a normal amount actually (lie) yk what i really miss sam and colin alrea#y like iām actually not okay i really hope we hear from sam again in s2 and also colin ngl i hope ur in the computers soz or not dead miss#im like a bastard my paranoid it king ok erm im running out of things to say um heartstopper s3 was crazy good i cried lmao i love gay peop#e so much itās crazy i hope it gets renewed for s4 i need to reread the comics lowkey and the books theyāre all so talented for being so yo#ng it scares me ngl !!!!!! the tmagp hiatus is getting to me slightly like february in reality is soon and not that far away for how podcas#ts go but seriously how am i supposed to live until then without knowing what happened. please colin be alive. ive only just realised i can#use fills stops. sorry thatās made everything a bit messy. i shouldāve been doing this before. whoops. anyways. hi mutuals i love you all s#much i hope you enjoy my rambles and shitposts cause i enjoy yours very much! never think youāre being annoying i literally donāt care be a#annoying as you want posts as much as you want i am ur biggest fan <3 im getting a bit fatigued from typing like my mind is blank basically#now itās just turned into a. stream of consciousness but i donāt really have any thoughts to put here idk if weāre halfway ermmmm omg itās#lmost halloween how crazy is that time is flying by i kinda forgot it was october lmao. itās wild how itās basically almost christmas. like#what. thatās illegal. how is it wintertime again. what the flip. i miss summer already take me backkkkkkk. i hope my phone doesnāt crash or#smth cause iāve not saved this as a draft and i cba to do any of this again. maybe i should save it. ok i will when i reach the next tag bc#ok it stopped me but iāve saved it and holy jesus itās a lot of text im just sat here giggling thereās really no point to any of this other#than me being bored sooooooooooooooooo (imagine if i just did the letter o for every character wouldnāt that be crazy) so wait thereās 140#haracters and 30 tags so whatās 30 x 140. someone hurry. i havenāt done maths lessons in two and a half years iāve forgotten everything wai#let me get the calculator app ok im back it said 4100 characters so. i dont know how many words that roughly is but its. a decent amount. o#what the flip why am i wasting tag space with maths. i hate maths. my screen time has been actually soooooooooo bad recently like damn some#one put my phone in a block of ice please joshua gillespie style. my mind is running out of things to say. do i talk about myself. im james#im 18 which is weird cause wdym im an adult go away. ive run out of facts. i love podcasts and procedural dramas that stupid firefighter sh#w is my life unfortunately. i think chappell roan should be the queen of england instead of king charles. i dont like having a king cause#ho needs men in power not me. ok um this is the last tag equal rights for all. yolo. the time will pass anyways! thank u boredom ok bye gn:
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yea me too jardon
#captainsparklez#minecraft movie#< do you know how scared i am putting anything in any of these tags last time i posted about captainspaklez i was being gay
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š§āāļø............................................................................................... alright man I'm just going to say it. I'm so hsrpilled that it's making me act out and draw fanart again. look forward to it or else ć¾(ļæ£ā½ļæ£)
^ that's a wip
#i'm too scared to check but i think the last stuff i put in my art tag on here is like. fe:fates#YEARS!!!!!!!!!!!! AGO#i miss blogging and i'm going to decide to stop being worried about it etc#updates that are not about my life: dr. ratio is my favorite character. if you are in any sustained contact with me you have heard about th#s at least five times#i am 'looking forward to dawntrail' but 'i am not caught up with the last few patches and that is my homework this weekend'#i played the house of fata morgana last year and i'm still a crumbling pile of debris about it. recommend! seek content warnings though LMA#i am playing paranormasight: the seven mysteries of honjo NOW and i'm not done but every time i predict a twist i go heeheheee hoohoHAHA#reading the actual text of mdzs now... on volume 3..........#and just to give you a taste of the REAL WORLD: i am growing out a really stupid haircut.#it's not that bad but man did we miss the mark#my art#wip
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actually On Your Feet gave us two good things (well. three if you like Realize which I do). Kohane's "it's frustrating" line and the great crack fic idea of Vivid Bad Squad getting cancelled online for skipping school to yell at The Kotaki Taiga as he was about to go back to America.
#no because. he went there to continue radder's dream yeah? the one about becoming world successful musicians#and they had a record label for a bit. they were definitely going to make it at least somewhat.#so we can assume taiga is at the very least a semi well known musician yeah?#one that someone about to either leave or enter japan might know about. who will see this musician they enjoy#being shouted at by a high school girl in her school uniform about how they will surpass him or something along those lines#with three other kids (in uniform from a different school) standing behind her#and then going onto sekai universe twitter to post about it and the taiga kotaki fans taking it by storm#taiga gets off the plane in america and finds he's trending and it's because people are making fun of a blurry picture of his ex pupil#meanwhile vivid bad squad just don't know because it was contained entirely on twitter and.#be honest can you see any of them having twitter because i can't. an maybe but akito doesn't have time for social media and toya is toya#and kohane is a tumblr girlie if i've ever seen one#however it does give the great concept of someone else seeing it and debating if they should say anything#because mmj definitely has an official account they could have seen it on and also there's ena shinonome and mizuki akiyama#but anyway this also means when they do put on the event to surpass rad weekend (or whatever their goal ends up being)#there will be a crowd of people looking at it and going āisn't that the group of kids that twitter made fun of ages ago?ā#and then taiga kotaki stans on sekai universe twitter will be stunned because they did in fact surpass him#if it wasn't for the gcses i would write this but alas. enjoy my weird thoughts#bagel's rambles#project sekai#i am scared to main tag this one but. fuck it we ball
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being happy is so great like awesome i got 5 minutes of that . now i can return to being sad and scared
#IT HURTS SO BAD#can i tag this as a c.ookie9 post.#im kind of having a charlotte moment. as we speak. scared scared scared scared scared scared scared scared screaming forever#adding a dot in there so it doesnt get caught in the main tags#wahtever#i cant with anything rn#iām so fucking terrified im sorry MAN i said iād stop venting on main too but IM IN THE TAGS SO IM FREE and i guess this is typical. whatev#ughhhhgfdkdhfbgdfg. dfgkjhdkfgbh. puts my head in my hands and pulls all my hair out#i just . i dont know . i really canāt. i canāt#ouggogjghghgh this is so fucking awful genuinely i need . i need to um. get up. or something. i have to get up. i think i;#i dont know iām so scared i donāt know whatās going on anymore i am so. i donāt have any other words i am just so so so so so so fuicking s#im scared#iām overheating and freezing at the same time i hate this so much im p sure this is a physical thing too but im just. scared also. i dont k#my body and brain r kiollling me with hammers and im so . ok . im gonna get a snack#pleaheheheheeeeease donāt unfollow me i still make art please wait let me tag so u can block this#the crier#<-new venting tag#i dont like the other word itās too strong
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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED
#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like#two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that#time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore#is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and#when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up#and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not#that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on#listening. if that makes sense#IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive#like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that#im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane š
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I need to think out loud - feel free to ignore
#I really want to quit the event for trans day of visibility#I just don't see what I can give to the conversation#and I haven't for a while now#there is already a person that does all the posters#when I did the budget it was all wrong#half the ideas I've come up with has been having big holes#and honestly I don't think that comfortable in the group#I feel like I am back at school or university being put in a group for a project that I cannot pull out of because it will affect my grade#or the rest of the group's performance#but there's no grades#there is a performance of sort being the event#and that could still be great#but I don't feel like I have the spoons or the experience for this#I am just smiling (barely) and nodding along#yet a part of me are also scared of dropping out now#there is not a lot of time left#and so it wouldn't be fair on the other people to ditch this last minute#but would it be more fair to let me just tag along not doing anything of value?#and I should probably decide soon since we are getting closer#it is this big dark cloud over my thought rn#I am trying to concentrate on my drawing challenge yet I don't have any joy in it#because all my thoughts go to this event#I don't know what to do#I really don't want to do this#but I did say yes#and I hate tapping out and be seen as untrustworthy as well#micahs thoughts
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(ā Ā ā Tā _ā Tā )ā ļ¼¼ā (ā ^ā -ā ^ā Ā ā )
#vent(?) ->#ive been wearing bracelets more lately and its making me feel a bit happier#looking down on my arms and seeing cute stuff instead of sh is sort of comforting#and whenever the bracelets have words that i love on them it just makes me feel so happy. i get reminded of the things i love#im putting this in tags instead of in the actual post because i still feel sort of bad talking about this kind of thing#even though i know its okay to..#i think i recommend this if looking at your arms scare you for any reason#im very scared if my arms and hands but if theres cute stuff on it i feel a bit better i think#thats why i draw on my hands and arms too. i put smiley faces on them and i put lain on them so i can always see things that i like#i am not even that good at making bracelets but its been making me feel so happy lately#not even just for myself but for my friends too.. it seems to make them happy :3#i love happiness!!! i love smiling i want to get better. i want to get better SO much even if i dont always feel like i do#i have time to get better even if it feels like everything could end at any second. im going to try and take my time#and try to become a happy person#so i can make other people happy too. i dont know what the point of this post is#i just want somebody out there to know im trying. im sorry
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this sounds extremely fatalistic and especially insane to say during BHM from yours truly, but I'm spiraling and looking at data and the state of the world (& my country specifically) and the stories I want to tell and the people who stories are centered and...
I don't think I ever want to charge money for my games. ever. they'll be free for the unforeseen future because I'm not tanking my health further by stressing out over what hateful, racist, insane players think. I'm already catching strays from trying to have f!MC protagonists??? can you unpack why that makes you wanna lash out and be nasty?? but preferably with someone else that's not me.
people talk such a big game about diversity and being inclusive and listening to Black voices and then turn around do the exact opposite. every single time.
ugh, I have a queued post going up...tomorrow?? that's a reblog from last year, but a warning: I was a very different person with a very different well of energy when I wrote it and when I scheduled that reblog.
#gamedev rambles#I...just wanna tell stories#and experience others' stories#but putting a price tag on me#even when I'm putting in work??#it's so clear what players want (and don't want)#and Crushed did pretty well with a majority Black cast#but it's a BL so I wonder if that cushioned it's fall??#HSD:JY has more scrapes and bruises from the general public (and I try to focus on the positive feedback but like. damn)#and so with The Knight Dance I'm actually scared#because it's an all black cast AND it's sapphic and those are 2 things I discovered a while ago that don't hold ppl's attention#or it does hold attention but the wrong kind#lol does any of this make any sense??#I'm not going to stop making games or being a part of this community#but I am going to shuffle my feet more lol#LOL ramblings brought to you by 1) discord and 2) realizing I effing hate programming and need to find a way to pay someone to#do it moving forward. so. almost zero correlation
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#I feel. like I get too worried about putting my stuff in the tags LOL#or just too worried about ants in general#but to be fair I've come from some really infested fandoms#where people got reported for this stuff so hard they were removed from the site#idk if tumblr changed it though. maybe they did. where if someone hit a certain number of reports on their account they got removed#whether they were breaking TOS or not#I think that could have been changed because I don't see it happen anymore#but the more I cared about this tumblr acc the more scared of that I got LOL#it's been super peaceful though???#this could just be because I blocked like half the fandom before posting anything here#but I haven't received any hate mail & haven't had any sort of callout like I was expecting#and I guess mallesil isn't really SUPER controversial#it's leaning off the gray area lately but it is still in the gray area#I just feel like I'm cheating with how easy it is to ''get away'' with having HEY I LIKE INCEST front and center on my pinned and all#when I've seen someone get reported off the map for making one singular post saying they don't mind people who ship child characters#and I've just gotten away with posting sooo many mallesil posts in the main tags lately I'm like huh??? Did I ever actually need to worry?#it's kind of embarrassing I guess having several things in my Posts That Do Not Go Into The Main Tags#that I'm just now realizing were probably totally fine to put out there lol#like damn maybe I can just talk about lilia kissing silver with tongue and get away with it????#anyway#while I am on the subject of things I am embarrassed about for no reason#I feel especially bad lately for not posting like ANYTHING about sebek or lilia most of the time lol#I made a point to draw all the twst characters at least once a while ago but I don't think I've actually drawn sebek more than that?#sorry sebek I love you sebek :(#sebesil is such a good ship and I just have absolutely zero passion for it I DON'T KNOW!!! It just isn't there for me!!!#I like it a lot I love all the ship art for it I like seeing it pop up in fics#but if you leave me to my own devices I'm. not going to think about them even a little probably lol...#I do think about mallesebe sometimes though. I wrote about them once for the request. they're so fun they're so awful#and yet. most of the thoughts I have for mallesebe I'm just like hrmmmm this could be mallesil instead#sorry again sebek I love you sebek š
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