#My mum always told me I have no common sense and she is sadly right

[serenhob]

I could be sleeping but this is what I choose to do instead

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Six

“Oh Bill, wonderful to have you, you as well dear!” Molly exclaimed embracing Fleur. 

Nearby, Ginny scowled to herself. 

“Bill we’re surprised you came so early.” Fred commented. 

“What?” The eldest Weasley asked, confused. 

“Well, we thought you only came out when the moon did!” George laughed. 

“Boys!” Missus Weasley scolded, making a move to lunge at her two sons. However, a loud crack sounded, indicating they had left for work. 

“Those two, I swear.” Molly rolled her eyes. 

“It’s okay, you got a better welcome from them then I did!” Charlie’s voice sounded from the steps. 

Bill’s face brightened instantly as he unashamedly went to embrace his younger brother. They’d written each other any chance they got. They remained close, but it wasn’t the same as being with one another. 

“Charlie, I’ve missed you!” 

“Not as much as I missed you big brother.” He breathed pulling away, “I haven’t seen you in what a year? And you up and get yourself engaged. It’s like you're a new man.” He teases. Charlie knew about the engagement from their correspondences, but had yet to see the ring on Fleur’s finger in person. 

“And you are one brave woman, agreeing to marry a Weasley.” He said turning to the blonde. 

“Oui!” She teased back, making the room erupt with laughs, even eliciting a chuckle from Ginny. 

“Gin, why don’t you show Fleur around while I talk to Harry?” He asked hopefully. It was his goal to get his fiancé closer with his little sister before the wedding. 

With a small grunt, Ginny obliged as she ushered Fleur outside. 

“Not that I’m not happy to see you Bill, but what is it you wanted to speak with me about? Things okay with the order?” Harry asked in a whisper once the girls had vanished. 

Quickly, he nodded, “everything’s as good as it can be these days, I just was wondering how Ron’s been. He’s written me quite a bit.” 

“Oh,” Harry said relieved, “well, he was in a funk for a while there, I reckon he still is, but now he’s realized he’s in a funk, which sort of makes things better, you know?” He tries, never been the best with feelings. 

Bill chuckled, “alright I think I know what you mean. He wrote me yesterday, something about he had sort of broken up with Lavender, but made things worse with her.” He didn’t wanna say Hermione’s name in fear she was around somewhere. 

“Okay let me fill you in some. It all started two days ago in our dorms...” 

After twenty minutes Harry had thoroughly filled in the details Ron left out in his letter. He had also recalled some of the conversation Ron had told Harry he and Ginny had, something the youngest Weasley brother failed to mention to Charlie. 

When the chosen one finished, Bill let out a low whistle. He had known Ron’s situation was messed up from the letters, but damn, his little brother, the heartbreaker. Who would’ve thought? 

“Speaking of, where is Hermione? I haven’t seen her since we arrived.” Bill asked next. 

The dark haired boy nodded solemnly, “I’m afraid she won’t leave Ginny’s room unless your Mum makes her. She’s pretty bummed out about her Gran, but she also agreed to ‘stay out of Ron’s way,’ whatever that means.” Harry finished with air quotes.

At this, Charlie clicked his tongue, “Ron is hopeless. This isn’t exactly potions with Snape! It’s an easy fix.” He tutted. 

“Where is Ron? Surely he’d want to greet his favorite brother.” Bill says next. 

“Hey!” Charlie retorts, making Harry laugh. 

The oldest rolls his eyes, “all in good fun, but seriously.” 

“He’s been working on something all night. I could hear him.” Harry commented. 

Charlie nodded, “he had some sort of epiphany last night. He’s doing something for Hermione, all I know is that it involves Hogwarts, A History. He’s mental.”

“Ron wouldn’t pick up that book for anything!” Harry soon points out. 

“Well maybe not for anything, but for someone...” Charlie trails off. 

Suddenly, Ginny bursts through the door, alone. 

“Where’s Fleur?” Bill questioned. 

“She’s discussing something about the wedding with Mum, I had to get away,” she shakes her head, “anyone fancy a game of quidditch?” 

At this both Charlie and Harry jump at the chance. 

“Coming Bill?” Ginny asks as the other two boys disappear to gather their brooms. 

He shakes his head, “no, I think I’ll go say hi to Ronnie. Maybe when you're done you should check up on Hermione, yeah?” 

At this, his younger sister nods as he treks up to the attic. 

Once reaching the door decorated with Chudley Cannon posters and gold and red emblems, he knocks. 

“I’m awake Mum!” Ron promises through the door. 

“Not Mum.” Bill says opening the door. 

“Bill!” He exclaims excitedly, dropping the book to the ground and clambering off the bed, “how are you? How do you feel, wow, the scars have healed some. You look wicked! Like some bloke from those stories Mum reads.” 

At this, he laughs, “I feel great actually. Sometimes the full moon drives me a bit mad, but it’s not like I turn or anything like that. Plus, Fleur has done wonders taking care of me, making sure I take my potions and all that.” He assures, circling to sit on the edge of Ron’s bed. 

“Yeah I wouldn’t mind if she took care of me either.” He joked. 

At this Bill jabbed him in the ribs with his elbow. 

“Hey, kidding!” Ron laughed, “plus, I’m rather done with blondes. Forever.” He shivers remembering Lavender Brown. 

“Ah,” his brother breathes, “your love life has become quite the topic from what I hear.” 

At this Ron groans, “well I’m not to sure how many times ‘Ron is fucking moron,’ can be told but, glad your up to date.” 

Knowing Ron’s probably had his fair share of feeling bad, Bill holds off on making him re live anything, for now, “well, rumor is you’re working on something to fix your troubles.”

The youngest Weasley boy blushes madly, “it’s a bit stupid really.” 

“Come on just tell me.” Bill encourages. 

Ron breathes in defeat, wanting to tell someone, “alright well, Charlie said a gift might do then suddenly, I was reminded of this conversation from back in fifth year...” 

Ron sauntered into the common room with a moody Harry by his side. This behavior from the chosen one had become typical since the start of term, he was always so worked up over You-Know-Who and the ministry these days. 

And Ron could feel for him, he really did, he just wished Harry would drop the act around him and Hermione, who believed him completely. 

“Hermione.” Harry greeted too gruffly for Ron’s liking. 

In response, the bushy haired witch just hummed in acknowledgement. Hermione had been engrossed in her favorite book, so Ron knew better then to bother her and simply sat to her right. 

It was odd, but he rather liked to see her like this. It was almost adorable to see how invested she could get into something like a book. He admired her for it. 

Harry had fallen to her left and rolled his eyes, “are you good for anything but reading Hermione?” He asked viciously. 

At this, Hermione’s eyes finally left the pages of Hogwarts, A History and stared at her best friend in shock. Ron had passed shocked and moved entirely to anger. Harry looked as if he regretted what he said right after it left his mouth. 

“You say you’re sorry right now!” Ron roared, jumping to his feet. 

“Ron, it’s alright,” she began meekly from the velvet sofa. 

“Like hell it isn’t Hermione. Just cause stupid blokes like Seamus call you a liar doesn’t mean you get to start on her!” He pointed out. 

The dark haired boy sighed sadly, “I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, really Hermione”,

“It’s alright Harry.” She amended stiffly, “I think I’ll go for a walk.” The brunette quickly scrambled, grabbing her book before scampering out of the portrait hole. 

As soon as she was out of sight, Harry turned apologetically to Ron, “I shouldn’t have said that.” 

“You shouldn’t have.” The ginger replied softly, “and I know everything that happened with Cedric was really hard, but it’s hard for Hermione too. She thinks she could’ve done more,” 

“She couldn’t have.” Harry tells him sadly. 

He nods, “I know, but she doesn’t, so when you sound off telling her stuff like that, it just makes her feel bad.” 

The Boy-Who-Lived sighed, “I really didn’t mean it. You were right, I was just so done with people like Umbridge and Seamus calling me liars, sometimes I forget not everyone feels that way.” He admitted. 

At this, Ron stood as he clapped him on the shoulder, “it’s already done mate, just try to remember that from now on, alright?” He didn’t sound angry anymore, much to Harry’s relief.

Harry nodded as he watched Ron venture out of the common room, no doubt to find Hermione. 

“Hey Ron, wait.” He called out, standing and walking to him. 

“Yeah?” He asked. 

“I know I was upset about you two spending summer at Grimmauld Place together,” Ron opened his mouth to argue, but Harry stopped him, “and I know why you had to do it, I just wanted you to know, I’m happy you had each other. Well, I just, I reckon you two need each other as much as I need the pair of you, does that make sense?” He rambled. 

“I think so Harry, you sound a little mental though.” He joked. 

“It’s just, I know how you feel about her.” He blurted out. 

“Come again?” Ron had gone pale. 

Harry’s voice dropped to a whisper, “well I’ve always had some suspicions Ron. We do share a room you know, you mumble her name like every other night.” At this Weasley turned a deep shade of red that rivaled his hair. 

 Soon after, the green eyed boy pointed to his face, “see that! You blushed like mad whenever she came around first year, just like you are now. I know you were taking my invisibility cloak to go down to the infirmary second year. I heard you tell Neville back in third about how much you enjoyed Hogsmede and you were painfully obvious when she agreed to go to the ball with Viktor Krum, I reckon that’s when I really knew.” 

For a few moments Ron opened and closed his mouth like a fish, but in the end, he shockingly, didn’t deny it, “why didn’t you say anything?” 

Harry shrugged and thought about it, “well, I suppose I was waiting for you to figure it out as well. It seems to me you have.” He smiles slightly. 

Ron nods, “yeah, for a while there I just thought blokes felt like that around their mates who were girls. Probably around third year I realized it was a little different with her then it was with you. Definitely sorted it all out during that ruddy Ball.” He paused, “you’re not, well, you’re not angry?” One of the reasons Ron decided not to confide in Harry was because he didn’t want him to think there was any sort of divide. 

“Of course not. If anything I’m relieved I can stop pretending not to notice.” He laughed. 

At this, Ron let out an embarrassed chuckle, “well just don’t tell her alright?” 

Harry nodded, “will you ever? Tell her I mean.” He asks. 

At this the redhead shrugs, “I dunno, I just, it’s hard. I’d rather live my whole life watching her with other blokes then lose her as a friend.”

Potter lets out a whistle, “I can see The Prophet headlines now, ‘Weasley has Feelings!’” He laughs. 

They lapse into a brief silence, “you go after her.” 

Ron doesn’t need to be told twice and simply nods to his friend. 

“If it means anything, I think she feels the same Ron.” Harry says rather vaguely before going to a dark corner of the common room. 

For a moment, he considers staying and asking more about this theory, but instead decides to check on Hermione. Harry could wait. 

After wandering the dark corridors for a few minutes, he soon feels the urge to slap himself for not thinking sooner. He hadn’t checked the library. 

Set out on a new mission, he stalks his way to his new destination. However, halfway to the library he suddenly remembers that it’s probably closing soon, if not already. Inwardly groaning on not setting after her soon, he quickened his pace. 

And just as he’s about to reach the proper corridor something catches his eye. In between one of the many narrow hallways leading to nothing but a window, is someone sitting against it, book in hand. 

And not just anyone, Hermione. 

Breathing a sigh of relief, he slowly makes his way to her, “Mione.” He begins as to not startle her, she hasn’t seemed to notice his presence. 

Her brown eyes look up from her book, in the moonlight he can see them slightly glossed over as red rings appear around them. 

“Oh hi.” Her voice is croaked and throaty, it makes his heart break. 

“I’ve been looking all over for you.” He says softly, sliding down next to her. 

“Oh I’m sorry Ron.” She apologizes sincerely, “it’s silly though isn’t it, I’ve run off to read again. Maybe Harry was right.” Her voice cracks. 

“It’s not true, you know it isn’t.” Ron fiercely assured. 

“If he didn’t mean it why did he say it?” The brunette asked. 

He sighs sadly, “Hermione you know what he’s been like lately. As soon as you left he told me how sorry he was.” 

“But it’s true isn’t it?” She asks after a beat, leaving no room for him to even protest, “all I do is sit here and read while Harry and you are off actually doing something.” 

“Hermione what?” He asks genuinely confused. 

“Think Ron, who got rid of that troll first year?” 

“Well you were only in the bathroom because of me and you were the one who got me through the spell-” 

“Alright and who won the chess game the same year? Who got the philosopher's stone?” 

“Hermione we would’ve never even found the-”

She cuts him off again, “and who was lying useless petrified while you were in the chamber of secrets?” 

He groans, “again if you hadn’t had the note then Harry and I-”

She leaves no room for him to speak, “and third year you were the one who even spotted Sirius.” 

“I was also the one with a broken leg when the two of you-”

“Fourth year as well, you knew about the dragons.” 

“Only because Charlie told me, are you done?” He asks. 

“Or even this summer. You were the one who knew about the Order, even knew to handle Harry.” She’s now close to tears. 

Ron let’s a moment pass before speaking, “are you finally finished?” He whispered hoarsely. 

Next to him, she nodded, but didn’t dare meet her eyes with his. 

“You’re mental Hermione. Mental. Don’t you know we’d be dead without you? You’re the one who figured out the Nicholas Flamel business. You realized how the Basilisk had been getting around. And who had the time turner that saved Sirius, Lupin, and Buckbeak third year?” He reminded, “not to mention that without you, Harry would’ve never gotten through any of those tasks. Not to mention, him and I wouldn’t even be friends if you hadn’t convinced me to talk to him. And this summer? You’re the one who kept me sane when I was ready to hex everyone there.” 

He took a second to catch his breath after the long rant, “sure you read a lot of books, but that’s not why you’re brilliant. You’re brilliant because you know exactly what to say to help your friends. You know exactly how to save the rest of us.” At this, she completely broke down. 

Hermione’s head soon found a place atop Ron’s shoulder as she burrowed into it and cried silently. If this had happened a few years back, Ron would probably stiffly pat her head, but now, he knew better. 

Instead, he gently laid an arm across her shoulder and pushed her into him with a squeeze. His other hand made its way through her soft hair, letting his finger gently massage her scalp. 

“Thank you Ron,” she managed soon after, “I’ve just been feeling so useless, hearing Harry,” 

“Sh, Hermione,” he assured soundly, “I know how it feels too, but being here, even making you feel the tiniest bit better, well, it makes me feel not so useless.” He admitted, thankful she couldn’t see his now red cheeks. 

At this, Ron felt the witch nod into him, “you do make me feel better Ron. And you’re not useless, if I hadn’t made it clear, I think you’re rather brilliant.” 

A small smile grazed his lips as he continued to stroke the expanse of her hair. Her cries had now slowed, but he still felt she was tense. 

“You know Mione,” he began, making her hum softly, an indication to continue, “I understand you wanna read all the time, but this old book, again? You’ve been picking it up since first year.” He teased. 

Thankfully, a small chuckle bubbles past her lips, making him feel warm. 

“It’s rather pleasurable Ron, I’d love it if you read it. You have such an interesting point of view having grown up with this stuff, and well just being you, I’m sure your notes on it would be fascinating.” 

“Sorry to disappoint you Mione, as much as I love y,” he pauses, “as much as I love reading,” he amends sarcastically, “I’d need a bloody good reason to pick this thing up. And I mean important, life or death maybe.” He tells her. 

Again, a small laugh escapes from where she's nuzzled into his side. 

“One day Ron. One day.” 

They stayed like that until she fell asleep. 

“I thought maybe if I read this damn thing and made notes on what I thought and gave it to her, then it would show her how much she means to me.” He explained after briefly prefacing the significance behind it. 

To this, Bill smiled brightly, “I think it’s a wonderful idea Ron. Very thoughtful and personal to the pair of you, plus she’ll go nuts when she’s learned you picked up a book!” He teased, “what section are you on?” 

“I’ve gotten past the four founders. Right now I’m in the middle of all the troll business. I mean, sure it sort of feels like a textbook, but part of it reminds me of her, then it’s not so bad, is that mental?” He asks a little flustered. 

His older brother shakes his head, “no Ronnie, not mental. It’s almost romantic.” He jokes lightly. 

At this Ron rolls his eyes, but blushes nonetheless, “thanks.” 

A deep laugh escapes Bill as he stands from the bed, “I’ll be on my way now. You have a lot of reading to do in just three days little brother.” 

“Oi! And don’t I know it.” Ron yells as he leaves the room.

[talesofphantombandits]

JJ One Shot ~ Always Believe in you.

So this is my second time writing this Intro and the last part of this story because while I went off for one second to find a photo to use, my tab decided to refresh.  So I lost everything.

NOT HAPPY.

Here we go again. So I just finished Outer Banks, AMAZING. Must say the first few episodes I struggled with but then when I got on episode 4 that’s when I started really getting into it and from then on I was hooked. At the start my first impression of JJ was ‘dam this dude is so handsome’ then it turned into ‘Jesus this boy has issues’ and ended with ‘OMG PROTECT THAT BABY AT ALL COSTS’ So yeah......

There might be a second part with these two, I had another idea for another scene. But we shall see how this one does first. 

Pairing: JJ x Reader. Warnings: Mild language.

Summary: Y/N was forced by her parents to go to Italy to see some family, the only hitch her phone was taken off her after landing and put in a safe so she couldn’t talk to anyone back home. Safe to say your parents didn’t approve of you dating JJ and hanging out with the rest of the crew. Seen as they only told you this after landing, snatching the phone right out of your hands at the airport you didn’t have time to tell them you wouldn’t be able to communicate, they probably thought you’d forgotten them. Unfortunately, that’s exactly what JJ though. Safe to say he wasn’t very forthcoming when you saw him again.

(I will look over this tomorrow for mistakes, I’m just so angry right now that it was ready to post and then It didn’t save. So sorry if there is mistakes)

I’d been in Italy for the past few months, my family had decided that sometime away would be good for all of us. 

I hadn’t had any communication with the guys during the stay in Italy, which meant JJ too. I’d been cut off, “They were bad for you.” That’s what my dad told me but I loved them they were what true friends, true family was made of. It had broken my heart to leave JJ alone he’s been through hell and still going through it, but it was a little relief to know that he had John B, Kiara and Pope looking out for him. 

We were coming home for the Midsummer's party, It happens every year but my family insist on being there. To ‘keep up appearances’ they just wanted to keep their social status.

We arrived back home at about 7am, the only thing on my mind was raced up to my bedroom to take a nap. God I were exhausted, what I really wanted was to go straight to see the guys but that was impossible my parents weren’t letting me out of their sight. 

I woke up about 4pm and decided now would be a good time to take a shower and get ready for the party. I knew that Kiara would be there so that gave me a sense of hope and  motivation to look my best. I picked out a dark green velvet dress, deciding to do some darker makeup and curly my short shoulder length hair. When I was satisfied with the look, I got the black platform heels out of the bottom of my closet and sat on my bed while strapping them.

“Hey you ready?” Mum stood at the bedroom door putting in her earrings. 

“Yeah, as I’ll ever be.” I sighed rolling my eyes, I got up from my bed, heading to the door.

“You behave tonight.” My dad passed a kiss to the top of mums head on his way pasted, pointing his finger at me.

“No promises.” I said under my breath.

Walking down the stairs I waited in the front room on my phone until everyone was ready to leave.  My mind wondered to JJ, I wondered what he’d been up to and how he was coping with his father. My eyes started to brim with tears, I felt so bad leaving him without no contact but it was hardly my fault. I’d feel better when I could finally escape and see him.

Arriving at the party the first person I saw was Kiara looking extremely bored, sipping her drink leaning on the wooden railing outside.

“KIE!” I screamed, running as fast as my heels would take me.

“AHHH! Y/N!!!!” She screamed back and held her arms open wide.

She gave me a bone crushing hug. “God I’ve missed you!” I whispered in her ear. 

“Me too! why didn’t you call or text? We were all starting to worry that you were never coming back!” We, we were starting to worry. I gave her a sad look.

“Yeah about that, I was cut off.” She looked at me sympathetically. “They locked my phone away, said I needed to keep away from you guys.”

“You better tell that to JJ when you see him.” 

“What, why?” I said confused.

“He erm kind of thinks you’re ignoring us, and abandoned him.” She said looking at the ground.

“Why would he think that? I said breathlessly. The thought of JJ thinking I abandoned him broke me.

She just shrugs. “Who knows what’s going on in that head of his. We tried to tell him that it was probably your parents stopping you but.” She gestured off.

“He doesn’t listen.” We both chuckled softly.

“I’m glad you’re back, I know you’ll be able to sort it out with him. I’m glad you can be here to help me cope with this party.” She smiled sweetly at me patting her hand on my bare shoulder.

“Me too.” I smiled back as we went to sort out drinks for ourselves.

A few hours had past and Kiara told me that her and Sarah had sorted their differences out, that they were now friends now. I was very surprised at first but happy because that meant that there would be no awkwardness when I started dancing with Sarah and her sister on the dance floor.

This was the happiest I’d felt in a while, just dancing and loosing myself in the music.

Just then a arm came over my shoulder, I looked at it then at Sarah who stood in front of me confused.  She inspected the note in the hand. “From Vlad.” I knew that voice! Sarah took the note, smiling into it and rushing off.

I turned to come face to face with JJ. He was wearing smart black pants, a crisp white top and a strange coloured bow tie. He stared me dumbfounded, I looked down to his chest.

“That bow tie is horrible.” My eyes snapped to his face as he scoffed at me. When I finally studied his face I could tell he wasn’t happy, and I finally noticed the scratches all over his cheeks and the bust lip that looked all swollen.

My smile fell. “ JJ your face, what happened.” I raised my hand to cup his cheek but he slapped it away. I looked at him shocked, It wasn’t violent but there was enough force in it to make me flinch. 

He looked angry now, he step backwards then shook his head and turned to leave.

“JJ!” I stepped to follow him but my dad caught my arm, pulling me to go chat with his friends.

“Y/N I want you to meet someone.” My dad introduced me to a tall dark haired preppy boy, he looked my age. He also looked very familiar.

“Hi.” I said uninterested, my mind still on JJ but mainly the state his face was in. 

“I’ll let you two talk, you both have a lot in common.” That snapped me out of the daze at the words of my father, was he seriously trying to set me up with this tool? and how did he know what likes I had, I don’t think he knew me at all.

I looked up to the guy next to me, he was smirking down at me. It made me feel sick.

“Look sorry to disappoint.” I patted him on the shoulder. “But I’m already seeing someone.” 

I went to walk away but he called out. “That’s not what your dad says, So either you’re lying to me to get me to go away. Or you’re dating someone daddy wouldn’t approve of.” 

I turned giving him an unimpressed face. “What’s your name?” 

“Rafe.” I scoffed.

“As in Sarah’s brother?” He just nodded at me enthusiastically.  I just laughed. “Yeah no chance in hell.” 

I walked off to find Kiara. 

___________

I was speaking with Kiara and her family when JJ frantically entered the room being pushed around by a security guard, he was screaming and shouting. Me and Kiara just looked at each other concerned.

“What the hell.” I whispered under my breath. “Hey! Let go of him.” 

The security guard didn’t let up and pushed him further towards the porch. 

“It’s okay everybody, do not panic leave it to the men and women in uniform.” Everyone had slowly turned to look at who was making and fuss. Me and Kiara had slowly started to move towards the centre of the room.

“What is he doing?” I said to Kie.

“I have no idea.” She looked at me concerned.

“You can’t just boot him!” Kiara shouted to the guard. 

“I invited him here.” I said.  JJ turned to look at me but rolled his eyes, deciding to focus on Kiara instead.

I looked at him then turned slowly to look at Kie.  Both our parents where telling us to back down and shut up, but we weren’t going to take that.

Suddenly he’d pushed the guard away and turned back to Kiara. “Hey, mandatory power hour at Rixon’s, Kie.” 

He didn’t even look my way. 

“Pope, you as well. All right?”  He turned to leave off the porch still shouting at Kie and Pope to follow him. 

Kie grabbed my hand, I looked around confused but decided that JJ probably wouldn’t want me to follow. I told her I couldn’t, she stopped dead for a bit looking at me sadly. Her mother and father started tugging at her so she had to get away leaving me standing there staring at them all run off happily into the distance.  I sighed and decided to leave, clear my head. 

“I’m going for a walk.” My parents tried to get me to stay but fat chance that was happening, I didn’t want to be at this stupid party in the first place.

___________

I just let my feet lead me, I must have been walking Idly until I stopped at the smell of burning wood. I looked up to find my feet had carried me to John B’s house, If the others where going to be anyway they were going to be here. I sighed deep and prepared myself for the argument that I didn’t want to have but it was killing me that I had been home less than a few hours and I hadn’t touched JJ yet.

I walked around to the back where the smell was richer now, I looked to the left to find all four of my friends by the campfire. I walked over trying to think of something to say when a twig snapped under my heels.

They all turned quickly to look at me.  “Y/N!! You’re back! why did no one tell me she was back.” John B rushed to me and tackled me into a hug.

Least someones happy that I’m back.  He carried me in our hug the short distance to the fire and set me down beside Pope, who already had his arms outstretched for a hug.  I just smiled at him and gave in. 

“We’ve missed you! how come you didn’t call?” John B patted my thigh.

I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Yeah about that-” 

“What are you doing here?” I’d only heard the cold tone JJ was using when he talked about his dad. I never knew one day it would be directed at me. “I thought you’d get the message not to follow us when I didn’t call your name at the party.” 

“JJ.” Kie warned.

“What is wrong with you?” I could feel the lump forming in my throat. “I’m going to explain everything.” 

“I don’t want to hear it.” He stared at me with such malice, a sharp pain shot through my chest.

I stared at him but his face just seemed to harden more.  Finally I broke contact when I felt the first tear fall. 

“Fine.” I said quietly, I hoped no one would hear the crack in my voice. Luckily it was dark enough that I hoped no one noticed the tear flowing down my cheek. 

I got up and walked away without a word. I heard Kie call JJ a dumb ass as I turned the corner. When I got back to the road I bent over, my hands on my knees trying to catch my breath. Tears were free flowing now, I looked down both directions of the road. I could go home or go to my secret spot on the beach.

I decided that the beach would probably be best, I could cry it out and regain myself then go back home like everything was okay.

_________

I’d finally calmed myself down when I heard someone climbing up the dune to my right.  What I wasn’t expecting was to see JJ’s face pop up. 

“Hey.” I said quietly, a massive contrast from earlier. 

I just stayed silent, looking straight ahead to watch the moon reflect off the surface of the water. It always looked so beautiful and calming to me, that’s why I came out here when I was mad or upset. 

He came and sat next to me but not too close.

“I’m a jerk I know.” I just scoffed.

“That’s a big understatement.” I’d stopped crying a while ago but I could still feel the breeze making the tear stains cold.

“Kie told me.” I could see him mindlessly playing with the sand. “I should have heard you out, I’m sorry.” He dipped his head low.

I sighed deeply, the marks on his face are obviously a sign that his dad had beaten him again. they where fresh as well. I wanted to be so mad at the way he treated me but I just couldn’t bring myself to be mad anymore. 

I turned to look at him and reached for his hand. “What happened to your face JJ.” I whispered as if not to startle him.

“My dad.” He sniffed and interlocked our fingers.  I turned to fully face him, putting our hands on my lap. 

“Me and Pope did something stupid, Pope was going to get arrested for it but I couldn’t let that happen. He has a scholarship to look forward to, and a future I don’t. So I took the fall for both of us.” He looked at me now, tears brimming in his own eyes. “Dad came to bail me out, then proceeded to beat the shit out of me in the car.” 

I shut my eyes, my lip quivered.  When I opened them his tears had began to fall. I scooted towards him cupping his face and wiping away the tears pooling on his cheeks.

“Hey, It’s okay. I’m here.” He leaned forward in to me and put his face in my neck. He started sobbing now, I could feel the wetness on my collarbone.

All I could do was sooth him and rub his back. 

When he’d calmed I lifted him to sit up straight.  “You never have to hide from me JJ, I’ll be here supporting you forever.” 

He just smiled reaching up to turn strands of hair from my face that the breeze had blown everywhere. 

“What would I do without you?” He leaned in, I met him half way. Our lips met in a sweet kiss. “Now that’s how I should have greeted you at the party.” He smiled closing his eyes to savour the moment, leaning our foreheads together.

“Would have been a better greeting.” I just laughed.

I grabbed his hands and pulled him up with me, Slowly making my way down the dune.  “Where are we going? You’re not going to kill me are you?” 

“Maybe.” I said absentmindedly, he stopped short dragging me back until I crashed into his chest. 

“Ouch, why’d you stop.” I looked up at him.

He looked down at me dumbfounded. “You just told me you’re taking me to murder me.” 

I huffed. “Babe, it was a joke. I just want to walk along the beach, at the edge of the waves with you.” laughing at him now with his cute little pout.

He leaned over me, snatching my heels out of my hand. “lets go then.” 

The silence was beautiful, it was dark and the only sounds were waves crashing against each other.  This had always been my favourite past time with JJ, this is when the boy who had the most chaotic energy was the most calm. I thought it was a simple treasure that only I got to see this side of him, let alone that I was the only one that could bring out this calm in him. 

He stopped again, but this time he hugged me from behind. His head leaned on top of mine as we just took in the sea and the moon.

Things were definitely going to get worse before they got better, little did I know just how bad they’d get.

[imagine-that-one-thing]

Her Majesty. || 3.

For Your Eyes Only.

Every morning at around 9, if I am not already awake, I am woken by the sounds of the Piper to the Sovereign. My father has a Piper, he hates it but he keeps it around, not only because it is part of the Royal arrangements but because my mother seems to love the morning wake up calls.

The Piper principal duty is to play every weekday at 9 am for approximately 15 minutes under His Majesty’s window when he is in residence at Buckingham Palace.

The piper rang fifteen minutes ago, which only indicates one thing for the day. My parents are soon to be leaving, which means I get to leave soon as well and spend alone time with Harry.

After dancing with Harry last night, I excused myself from the event and found myself wondering the Palace. With 775 rooms, it is easy to get lost and aimlessly wander the palace for quite some time. I weaved my way in and out of rooms, purposely attempting to lose Harry’s trail. He wasn’t too thrilled with me, but I desired to be left alone. I didn’t care if there was a threat or if someone was in the palace after climbing a drain pipe; all I wanted was to be alone with my thoughts. Eventually, I carried myself to my quarters, where Harry let me be, he stood outside my door waiting for my signal to come in, unfortunately for him, I never gave him a signal to come in and kiss me goodnight and to leave security mode.

I bounce down the staircase with glee, and my father rolls his eyes at me the moment I come into his view, “your mother and I are about to leave for Belgium, I need to know you’ll keep to the itinerary of the royal engagements,” my father informs me, once again reminding me of their Belgium tours that will allow them to continue a relationship between two Royal Families by meeting The King and Queen.

I nod my head with a heavy huff; I don’t want to keep to my schedule, but I don’t have a choice. “Yes. I’m going to Hillsborough Castle and I will do everything from there,” I notify my father.

“Have you told the head of security?”

I nod, “my shadow is coming with me,” I flick my head over towards Harry who is standing with his back to the wall, observing with his nystagmic eyes that miss nothing.

I’m already aware of what I’m likely to have to do for my father while I’m in Northern Ireland.

Some of the things my father does when he isn’t on royal tours is answering letters, doling out knighthoods, having meetings with the staff and greeting diplomats, bishops, judges, and military chiefs in engagements across Britain.

“I want you to stick to this list, I’ll send you one daily,” my father's hands me a piece of paper for today, a hard copy of what he wants me to do.

“Read the newspaper,” I raise a brow when I glance up at him.

My father is Head of State of 16 governments, and leader of the Commonwealth of 53 nations, he needs to read the newspaper and have an understanding on what’s going on in the world, but I don’t think it’s necessary for me to do so. This is not the stone ages, there are other ways to get the information that is needed, perhaps the use of an electrical device may work, but according to my father, that is absolutely ludicrous.

“Yes. The letters for the week will be sent to my lady-in-waiting, but I want you to answer your letters and follow the lists I send you,” My father insists, and I can’t help zoning out for a moment. I keep eye contact but my gaze becomes glazed.

“Okay,” I nod, agreeing to my father’s requests.

“Will you be in Ireland the entire time?”

“Yes,” I answer my father honestly, “I was hoping for some alone time. Minimal staff, just the Chef and some security. Very minimal though.”

“Consider it done,” my father nods, “have you made a decision on whom you’d like to date?” My father questions.

I grant him a lacklustre smile, “I don’t want any of them.”

It’s the truth. I don’t want any of the men that were picked out and placed on a list for me. This isn’t like the adoption centre where you go into a room and pick which Dog you’d like to save and adopt. This is a marriage, a marriage that I never thought would be forced upon me. A marriage is meant to be between a loving couple, two individuals who want to spend the rest of their lives together because of love, not because of a monarchy.

My Father inhales a sharp breath, “Anastasia, you can’t take over the sovereign if you do not have a partner. A Queen simply doesn’t rule without a King.”

My father is wrong, a Queen can rule without a King, unfortunately, he is stuck on old fashioned ways and isn’t too fond of the idea of me ruling without a King.

“Queen Elizabeth Ⅰ never got married and did just fine,” I mutter, reminding my father of an ancestor who was successful without a King beside her.

My father is not impressed at all with my comment, and his lips purse like he has been chewing a lemon rind, “it’s frowned upon,” he bitterly comments. He knows that I have a valid point, but just as I am controlled by a monarchy, so is he, and at this point, the monarchy wants to stick to old traditions.

It may be frowned upon, but I refuse to allow barriers to stand in my way. Well, in theory, I’d like to say that I am breaking down the barriers of the monarchy, but I’m not. I’m sadly forced to side with them.

“It was also frowned upon for Queens to rule. England was ruled by Kings until the second half of the 16th century when the crown passed to two Queens. These silly rules need to change. I don’t want to date someone just because he is royal.”

My father arches a sly brow and sighs, “Anastasia–“

My brows bump together in a scowl towards him, endeavouring to defend him for aspiring to overpower me to wed just so I can rule the monarchy the way everyone desires me to. “No, it isn’t fair. Did you marry Mum just because she had royal blood?” I question with frustration.

My parents married for love, not for royalty.

The only problem is, my mother was royalty before she married my father, she had her title. Unfortunately, I fell in love with a man without a royal title. To me, his title means nothing; I love him for who he is, for his personality and for the way he makes me feel. I love him for his devil-may-care outlook and stellar smile. He gives me that sense of normal that I have been craving for years, he keeps me grounded, he is the man I want to marry, with or without a title.

“No,” my father shakes his head, “just give one of them a chance?”

“I have a flight to get and so do you,” I bitterly grouse, ready to end this conversation that isn’t going to get me anywhere.

I am tired of being governed by a monarchy and living up to the expectations of everyone else. I have had expectations bestowed upon me from a young age, it gets tiring and bothersome to continuously live up to them. I want to break free of the chains they hold me down with.

“We will be back Saturday, the 16th of April,” my father informs me and I nod.

My parents’ leaving give me a few days of having some normalcy in my life. Minimal royal services, nobody to wait on me hand and foot, nobody to force me into always looking immaculate.

It will be just me and my bodyguard — Harry— and the walls’ of the castle.

There won’t be a Piper to the Sovereign, there won’t a maid service dressing me or an assistant following me around and making sure that I am completing all my tasks.

For a few days, all I require to do is follow my father's list of conditions while maintaining a balance of common circumstances.

I can run around the fields and allow the wind to swirl through my hair; I can stay up and bounce all over the beds without anyone judging me. I can step outside without worrying about whether my outfit will be a hit or miss in the public eye. I won’t have anybody touring the castle. The next few days will be just me and Harry, perhaps a few staff but not a lot.

No worries and no Princes’. Just me.

After saying my goodbyes to my mother and father, I can’t help but feel a breath of relief escape from my lips. “Princess,” my assistant, Estelle, grabs my attention as I walk towards the stairs where Harry is waiting. “You have a waiting chauffeured car, Lyrebird has landed on the grounds of Hyde Park and is ready to take you to the airport. You need to make sure you are wearing a dress or a two-piece suit,” she informs me, reminding me that my Princess duties must stay in tune until I am inside the walls’ of Hillsborough Castle.

I nod my head with a smile, “yes, I have. What airline am I on?” I question, needing the information that I left her in charge of.

“The 600 G-Huby plane. The Queen signed off on a chartered jet for you.”

“Thank you, I appreciate your help.”

“You’re welcome, do you need someone to bring your bags down?”

I shake my head and look towards Harry, “no, Mr Styles said he would help me,” I grin, amused by his expression.

Estelle glances over at him, and I can’t help chuckling as he raises a brow, “seems like you volunteered him,” she laughs.

“Same thing,” I lift my shoulders into a shrug, “I will be ready to leave in a few minutes, keep the guards updated, please,” I inform her and she nods, dismissing me to wander closer to Harry.

Harry stares at me with his typical relentless gaze, “volunteering me to carry your bags, are we?” Harry challenges, and from the small smirk on his lips, I know he’s only joking. I quite frankly don’t think he cares that I volunteered him.

“What else are you good for?” I wink, stepping closer to him.

Damn. I want to kiss him and wrap my arms around him right now, but I can’t.

“Oh, darling,” Harry chuckles through a whisper, “not like I am trained to take a bullet for you or anything,” he comments and gestures for me to climb the stairs, “I am sure you will thank me later though,” his voice is soft sounding and has this narcotic power that sends the nerves in my body pulsating. My knees want to go weak.

“Don’t get cocky, Mr Styles.”

“After you, Princess,” Harry allows me to step in front of him to walk up the staircase.

The second we reach my room, my thoughts of kissing him disappear when my maid services are double checking my bags, “Princess, you forgot a black outfit,” one informs me with a smile, “which one?” She holds up two black dresses, and I gesture towards the one on the left, “with the Alexander McQueen coat?”

“Yes, with the Gianvito Rossi pumps, please,” I inform the ladies who nod and search my closet for the particular shoes.

Harry clears his throat, “Why are you packing an all-black attire, Princess?” Harry curiously asks as I turn on my heel to face him.

“I have to have a black mourning outfit in my luggage – just in case a family member dies while I’m away. If anything happens, I can’t be seen in normal attire. Royal protocol.” I inform Harry of just one of the many, many rules I have to follow.

A princess can’t be seen hopping off a plane to tend a funeral in coloured clothes. Oh, no.

“That’s rather sad to think about,” Harry comments, “makes me sad thinking about you preparing for death,” he adds, watching the ladies carefully as they gather my mourning items, “are they… are they pairing it with earrings?” Harry seems perplexed by the entire scene.

“Yes, it’s a full outfit,” I nod, not too phased by the whole thing. I’m used to it. Every outfit must be perfect and put together, even mourning outfits must be accompanied by earrings.

“Wow,” Harry breathes out, “never knew this happened.”

“Mhm,” I hum, “once they’re done, would you grab the bag? I’ll meet you at the aircraft.”

“Princess,” Harry begins, “I can’t let you walk the grounds alone.”

“Ha—, Mr.Styles,” I correct myself, “I’ll be fine,” I attempt to assure him but he doesn’t give in. He never really does. I can’t be too mad though, it’s a part of his job to be so damn… strict.

✿ ✿ ✿

Harry and some of the crew escort me through the airport to the awaiting private aircraft, and Harry caresses his hand into the small of my back as we both climb the stairs to board.

“I thought you weren’t allowed to travel on a private jet unless it was business related,” Harry comments while he steps on board behind me, his eyes scanning the aircraft, “Uh-ah,” Harry’s voice echoes as I go to take a seat.

I turn to face him with a raised brow, “what? And it’s paid from my expenses, not the people’s.”

For personal trips, the royals must pay out of the Duchy of Cornwall, which is to provide a source of independent income to the Sovereign. We are not permitted to use private Jets unless it is a business affair and if we do use a private Jet, we have to pay for it out of our own pocket. The public would be very pissed if they thought that their tax paying money is being used for me to jet set to Ireland for some personal time.

“I have to check the seat before you sit, Princess,” Harry informs me, causing me to roll my eyes. I guess my princess duties don’t stop until the aircraft takes off. “Don’t give me that look, it’s my job,” Harry mutters, and his hands pull on the seatbelt and he makes sure the seat hasn’t been tampered with.

Harry grants me permission to take my seat, and I do so. While I get comfortable and take a few deep breaths, Harry double checks the rest of the aircraft and takes the time to talk to the pilot to go over security measures. I’m sure Harry and his team have a devised plan for when the aircraft lands at our destination.

I watch Harry particularly, cocking my head to the side as he dismisses the pilot with a handshake and a small smile, a smile that is infrequently seen when he’s working. When he’s in work mode, Harry is as stiff as a board, especially when it comes to emotions.

“Are you all right, princess?” Harry softly asks while he takes the seat beside me and I sense the aircraft beginning to get louder, an indication the pilot is getting ready to start moving towards the runway.

I wouldn’t say that I am terrified of aircraft and flying, but I can’t deny the fact that after all these years of flying, constantly, I still get a bit uneasy at the thought of leaving my life in the direct hands of the pilot. “Everything was checked, and double checked, princess,” Harry assures me, and I nod my head.

“It never gets easier,” I whisper with a sigh falling from my lips. There’s always that thought in the back of my mind that something will go wrong. And it isn’t that typical thought of the aircraft falling out of the air by some sort of freak accident, it’s the thought of someone intentionally tampers with the aircraft. Every day for me isn’t a normal day for others. I have to be aware of the fact there are some people out there who want nothing more than to hurt me and my family. I’m always at high risk. Most days, I tend to suppress the thoughts and concerns and carry on with my days.

I welcome Harry’s warm hand press over mine as it rests on the armrest, “I know it doesn’t get easier. I promise I won’t let anything happen to you though.”

“At what point do I get my boyfriend? The bodyguard is sooo... overrated,” I playfully roll my eyes and his fingers intertwine with my own before he leans closer to me.

“Now I’m your boyfriend,” he whispers just before his lips press to my warm cheek, “relax, everything is okay,” Harry assures me with an affectionate voice, “take a few deep breaths, I’m right here and nothing’s going to happen,” he continues sweetly, his thumb grazing over my knuckles in a loving way.

“Reassuring,” I sigh sarcastically. It isn’t his fault, whether he is my bodyguard or my boyfriend, I will always have the lingering thoughts in the back of my head of all the things that could possibly go wrong. Sure, Harry is trained to take a bullet for me, literally, but do I really want him to?

I don’t think I could live with myself knowing he put his life on the line to save mine. I may be the Princess or the future Queen, but my life is no more important than Harry’s or anybody else’s. Status doesn’t mean someone should put their life down in order to save my own, that is just my thought process. Sadly, everybody else doesn’t see it the same way, they see me as a future Queen; I still see myself as Anastasia, the girl who would rather run through open fields barefoot with the wind running through her hair on a warm summer evening.

Unfortunately for me, the days of rushing through fields laden with goldenrod-yellow flowers are over. I want to go back to the days of being somewhat normal.

✿ ✿ ✿

Hillsborough is enclosed by 100 acres of gardens, and each window of the Palace has a scene that is stunning and captivating in various ways. There is nothing better than watching the morning wildlife bouncing around the fields while the morning sun inaugurates to wake up the gardens, and in the evenings there is nothing better than the gold tones pouring in through each windowpane.

“So, is this the last tour before your father steps down?” Harry questions from behind me.

I shake my head, “No, they have the year of tours and then that is it.” I acknowledge Harry while I make my way towards the window that harbours a beautiful landscape, from what I can remember.

It has been a while since I have roamed the manor, with various chambers and windows, it is difficult to remember which one has my ideal view.

“And then you take Queen?”

“Yes. I don’t want to talk about it though, okay?” I softly sigh, inching closer and closer to the window that regularly grants me with a sweet serenity, but today it has the opposite effect.

“Harry… There are paps here,” I acquaint Harry as I peer out the extended window that ordinarily provides me with a glimpse of nothing but serene nature. Today it grants me a flood of people.

It is a bitter disappointment, I had hoped to spend some time unwinding by the windows and observing the landscapes I loved as a little girl. I desired to follow the flowers swaying in the faint wind, stem by stem dancing together in unison, their satin soft petals brushing each other ever so softly with love and grace.

“Step away from the window, sweetheart,” Harry instructs with a stringent tone of voice.

I listen and I back away from the window, enabling him to peer out it and view the array of photographers outside, “I’ll handle it, stay away from windows, yeah?”

“This isn’t how this week was meant to be,” I shake my head in bitter disappointment.

“It’ll be alright,” Harry assures me as he caresses his hands to my shoulders and massages them soothingly.

“No, I wanted time alone, just me and you where I can take care of royal duties in private. They weren’t meant to find me. How did they find me?”

“Let me make some calls.”

“Harry—“

“Anastasia, please,” Harry laments as he runs his fingers through his hair, “let me handle it. Go and relax,” he instructs, gesturing towards the room across the hall that has no windows. If I had wanted to spend my day avoiding windows and under the constant eye of the press, I would have stayed at Buckingham. The purpose of getting away and coming to Ireland was to have the opportunity to decompress and be normal. However, normal is a rarity in my life.

I abide by Harry’s commands, somewhat, and I take myself to a room on the opposite side of the palace where nobody should be able to see in.

✿ ✿ ✿

Harry enters the master bedroom, and before he can say a word, I hand him my phone, “there’s already articles, Harry,” I inform him, his eyes gazing down at the screen of my phone. “I don’t know who told them. They think I’m having a getaway with one of the possible candidates for marriage. How would they even know that?” I question, wanting— needing— answers.

Harry shrugs his shoulders and seems to avoid contact with me. He knows precisely what’s going on, he always knows what’s occurring, “was it you?”

Harry stares at me, his body stiffening at the remark while frustration crinkles his eyes, “bit offended you’d even ask that,” Harry is swift to respond.

“Then why are you avoiding eye contact with me. You know who did it, don’t you?” I challenge, observing his features that I have learned how to read to my advantage.

He inhales a deep breath and blows out slowly, “Anastasia—“ Harry begins, and I swiftly cut him off.

“Tell me, Harry,” I demand, not wanting to be kept in the dark like I normally am.

He’s not my bodyguard at the moment, he’s my boyfriend.

“Love, you don’t want to know. It’s best if you let it go.”

“I’ll just call my press team since you can’t show me your loyalty,” I murmur unhappily.

I’m tired of nobody ever telling me what’s going on. I’m constantly treated like— well— I’m constantly treated like a princess, and not in a good way. I want to be enlightened about events that occur and I I want to know when things happen.

Harry rolls his eyes at me before they narrow to crinkled slits, “oh, the irony,” Harry grumbles, “sweetheart, you really don’t want to do that.”

My brows bump together in a scowl, irritation taking over every nerve that pulsates through my body, “why?” I challenge, unsure as to why he is against me possessing answers.

Harry curls his lips with icy contempt, “because they weren’t loyal to you, that’s why. Your press team are the ones who released the information.”

“That’s ridiculous,” I shake my head, “they’d never, my father would have their heads.”

“Anna, darling,” Harry begins, his eyes softening on me, “it was your Dad who gave them the go-ahead.”

“No,” I shake my head, “he wouldn’t.”

Harry’s lips set in a grim line before he nods, “he did, I’m sorry, Anastasia.”

“It’s not your fault,” I mumble, disappointed my father would do such a thing, “what do we do?”

“Ignore the press outside,” Harry responds, and he leans closer and kisses my lips before moving to trail a luscious line of kisses down my neck and across my collarbone, to my exposed shoulder before he draws away. With a sweet grin, Harry straightens my silky robe to cover my exposed shoulders, “can’t have the princess exposed now, can I?”

I glance at him for a moment, his eyes captivating me with their gleam of softness and the way they are as clear as a spring stream. “Did you just tease me? That’s wasn’t very nice.”

“Mhm,” Harry hums, “you’ve been teasing me all day wandering around the halls in this thing,” Harry gestures towards the black silk robe, “I was thinking since we can’t go outside right now, we can stay in.”

I nod, “I like that idea,” I respond, leaning closer and kissing him sweetly.

“Mmm, not that kind of staying in,” Harry mumbles against my lips before he puts distance between us.

I heavily huff and stare at him, “did you just turn down the princess?”

Harry sighs and rolls his eyes at me, “sweetheart, do I need to remind you that we aren’t alone and there are people outside trying to get info?”

“And?” I offer him a slow and sexy smile in the hopes I can work my charm on him. At this point, things can’t get much worse; my weekend alone has been ruined. At this point, I don’t give a damn if anybody sees the two of us being more than just a Princess and a Bodyguard.

A smile dangles on the corner of his lips as he thinks for a moment.

Please, don’t think too hard, darling.

“And as your security guard, I have to inform you that it’s a bloody stupid idea to engage in anything when there’s a swarm of media around.”

“We have the curtains drawn.”

“Anastasia, not loving on you until I know it’s safe.”

I smirk and toss my hair over my shoulder, sarcasm dripping from my lips as I speak,“so what are we going to do? Sit at opposite ends of the damn palace?”

Harry shakes his head, “nope, we are going to play scrabble.”

“Excuse me?” I arch a sly brow.

Scrabble? Did he turn down making love for a game of scrabble? Surely he has lost his damn marbles.

“Cheap wine and scrabble my dear. This is how us commoners pass time,” Harry willingly announces with his a-twinkle with the ‘joie de vivre’ eyes and his affable smile that makes me dizzy in the most wonderful ways.

Harry gets off the bed and wanders towards the closed doors that lead to the hallway, he opens them and wastes no time with wheeling in a Monahan Golden Plated and Black Glass Serving cart that is meant to be for tea.

“Two things,” I begin as he steps back into the master bedroom and closes the doors, “One you do know that is meant for tea? the Queen would have a fit… Two, where in the bloody hell did you get scrabble and ‘cheap’ wine?” I curiously ask, intrigued by him and his gatherings.

Harry gives me a stellar smile and lifts his shoulders into a shrug, “it’s amazing what the staff will do when you simply say the Princess requests this,” Harry responds, “this my darling is a cheap Moscato,” Harry wraps his hand around the neck of the wine bottle, “now, it isn’t the high end you’re used to, but us commoners prefer the cheap Moscato.”

“Way to go in making me sound like a privileged brat, Harry,” I sarcastically smile over at Harry as he hands me a glass of wine.

“Don’t even go there,” Harry rolls his eyes as he crawls on the bed with a box of scrabble, “I can’t tell if you like it or not,” Harry comments while I take a sip of the white wine.

"Tastes... cheap," I trail off, observing as Harry stares at me unamused by my comment, "I am joking, relax," I assure him, delivering him a soft smile, "I like it, honestly."

"Mhm," Harry hums, "okay, do I need to explain how scrabble works?"

"Harry, sweetheart, I may not be a commoner, but I am aware of how to play the game. Don't insult my intelligence."

"I'd never," Harry shakes his head, "I am aware you can speak about three different languages and are highly intelligent."

"Four," I correct him, "French, Welsh, German and sign language." I smile towards Harry. I tend not to speak too much about my education, due to the fact I was very privileged in that area. I was tutored at home as a child by my governess and Mother. I have heard the stories many times; my Father wanted me to attend Willcocks Nursery School, the only modern tradition he seems to have wanted to participate in. But, it was my Mother who wanted me at home at the young age of two.

I was lucky to have the best of the best when it came to education; I attended the most prestigious private schools.

"You know how many languages I can speak?" Harry questions as he hands me the bag to pick a tile from.

"Two?"

Harry shakes his head, "you must think highly of me," Harry chuckles, "one, went to a public school, remember?"

"I do think highly of you," I nod, "you're intelligent, now let's play," I smile, peering over and seeing the tile in his hand that is an N, "you're closer to A, you start," I comment, placing my A tile back in the bag before he can notice.

Harry nods and starts his turn by drawing seven tiles from the Scrabble bag, "Fuck, I have shitty tiles," Harry complains as his brows furrow and he concentrates on the tiles he has. I can't help but smile to myself at how endearing he looks.

✿ ✿ ✿

Harry won our game of Scrabble, it’s really no surprise at all, he is a lot better with his way of words; to be quite honest, I have always wondered why he never got into writing or poetry. The way he converses and the way he genuinely listens to what people have to say intrigues me. Part of me wonders if he has this enigmatic part to him where he writes down his thoughts into a small journal, for his eyes only. Other times I wonder if I'm just making up a version of Harry that doesn't exist. Harry has a lot of potential, but it is dismally dwindling away as he watches over me.

While Harry settles everything back into its box, I take it upon myself to peer out the window of the master bedroom. I grin to myself, observing how the fields are Elysium-green and the way the golden shafts of the sun are casting down on the flowerbeds that are beginning to sway from side to side, unhesitant to fall asleep as the moon rises. By morning, countless glint-silver dewdrops will blanket the fields like a fresh winter snow. “Princess Anastasia Annette Leanor, Duchess of Edinburgh, you are stubborn, please get away from the bloody window,” Harry’s voice distracts me, and I profoundly sigh before I step away from the windowpane.

I glance up at Harry, my lips curling into a pout, “what’s the matter, my love?”

“I want to go outside. I came here to escape everything and to run through the gardens and just breathe.”

“I know.”

“Can we please go outside? We can go to the pond.”

Harry thinks for a moment. I can determine by the way his lips are curved slightly that he’s uncertain, he’s not too fond of going outside. I don’t blame him, he is still on duty, he has to make sure any decision made is a safe decision. “Okay,” Harry nods and I immediately take his hand, “love, can’t leave this room without protection,” Harry murmurs and I roll my eyes.

“Nothing will happen,” I moan, hating the fact that even when it’s just me and him, he still has to have some sort of protective weapon on him. I despise it. I truly despise it.

“Not taking the risk. You know it’s meant to be on my person,” Harry responds, stepping around me and grabbing the pistol where he securely left it when he changed his clothes. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s protocol,” Harry instructs as he places the pistol on his person, disguising it so well that nobody would be able to tell he’s carrying it.

“I know, but still.”

“Jus’ keepin’ you safe.”

“Or you’re just saving your own ass with your job.”

“I love you, you know that; I would protect you even if I wasn’t trained and apart of the SO14.”

“Mhm,” I hum, “where’s the radio and the first aid kit you’re meant to carry on you.”

“Anna, hush,” Harry rolls his eyes, “come on, princess,”

Harry and I step outside of the palace and the second I sense the warmth of the sun on me, I feel at ease with a sweet serenity washing over me. I beam towards Harry and wander along the cobbled path towards the garden that I used to run around when I was a little girl. I’d spend hours roaming the fields, smelling the roses and at times, disappearing amongst the blossoms as if to form my own secret wonderland. I amble along the cobbled path with ease and grace, delighted to feel like a child again.

“Why don’t you look happy?” I softly ask Harry as I turn to face him.

“I am, darling, I am,” he nods, giving me a small angelic smile but his dewy, mist valley-green eyes tell me otherwise. His eyes are darting around and scrutinising every inch he can physically see.

I let out a meagre sigh, well aware of what’s going to happen next.

Protocol.

If at any given point Harry recognises a threat to my safety, he must whisk me away to safety. I can read Harry like a damn book, I know when he’s watching something as a threat compared to when he’s just observing.

“Is it too much to ask to have just five minutes?”

Harry looks at me and sighs, “I’m not going to force you inside,” Harry assures me, “but if I say we need to go inside, we need to go inside, do you understand?”

“Yes,” I nod, “is someone on the grounds?”

“I don’t know. The grounds will soon be guarded by active duty members of the Army like at Buckingham, love. Don’t need to worry, okay?” Harry grants me a petite smile and he leans in to kiss me, but Harry stops himself, “I can’t kiss you, someone might see,” Harry sighs, forcing himself to pull away while his nystagmic eyes continue to scan the area.

I take a breath and continue to walk along the gravel, leading my way towards my winsome serenity of satin soft petals while an amethyst-purple tint overruns the evening sky. I smirk and toss my hair over my shoulder as I glance over my shoulder towards Harry with eyes that are a-glow with love. His honey-sweet lips that are lilac soft, begin to curve slightly before he flashes me an amiable smile.

The further I wander into the garden, the more I feel the golden hour rays kissing my skin with a flawless, bronzed complexion and my opulent hair glittering in the beams of the sun. It feels rejuvenating to belatedly breathe in the mist of scents, the frill of flowers and the scent of the late spring breeze.

"You know what is fascinating, Harry?" I turn to Harry.

Harry gazes at me with his fulgent, smaragdine-green eyes that set my

heart a-thump, "you, my darling, you fascinate me," Harry responds sweetly.

I playfully roll my eyes at him, "charming," I grin, "no. Have you noticed how flowers can wither away during the winter and still come back to bloom in the spring?"

Harry lifts his shoulders into a shrug, "I guess."

"Amazing, isn't it? They can withstand winter’s suffocating skies that

strangle the fields, and then bloom in the spring like they didn't endure a deathly winter."

“When you put it that way,” Harry nods, “it is rather fascinating, my dear. Shall we?” Harry offers me his hand, taking me by surprise as I glance down at his hand longing for mine. His devil-may-care outlook and a stellar smile make an appearance, causing butterflies to rise in the pit of my stomach.

I grant him my hand before taking it upon myself to guide him further into the astonishing gardens I love to get lost in while followed by the flower blossoms wavering in the air.

Howling laughter pervades the air while the two of us, clumsily dance our way within the gardens laden with goldenrod-yellow flowers. I welcome the flowers grazing against my every move, their buds swaying in the slight breeze, almost as if they're dancing with us, stem by stem, overflowing the silence between our giggles with their own delightful love song.

“Choose me,” Harry breathes out, just for the two of us to hear while we stand in the middle of a garden, completely lost within each other.

“I do,” I respond with a small smile, looking up to gaze at him.

I chose him the day I agreed to be with him, and I choose him every day.

Harry shakes his head, “No, choose me; marry me.”

My heart sinks and leaves me with a dismal, heart-wrenching feeling, almost like a double inch blade is carving into my chest. I love this man more than anything, but I can't marry him. I can't marry him under such circumstances. He isn't trying to propose to me because he wants to, he is doing it because he feels obligated to.

I shake my head and muster up the strength to find my words, "I can't, you know it."

"You can, you just don't want to," Harry responds, respectfully stepping away from me and establishing distance between our bodies that moments ago were pressed together, felicitously dancing amongst the flowers.

"Harry-"

"We should go inside, Anna," Harry cuts me off, gesturing towards the palace that I have only managed to escape from for a small amount of time.

"You can't get mad at me for this, Harry."

Harry clears his throat, "I can, I have every right to."

"How? You don't even have a ring, you don't want to marry me, you feel obligated to," I bitterly respond, stepping around him and beginning the short walk back towards the estate.

Harry benevolently grabs my hand and draws me back, “is that what you need? A bloody ring? Do you need a ring for me to prove to you that I fuckin’ love you and want to be with you? You need a ring from me for you not to marry someone else?” Harry questions with hostility laced to his voice as he shakes his head, disappointed in me.

“Harry—”

Again, Harry cuts me off, “No,” he shakes his head, “even if I had a ring, you still would say no. Let’s just go inside,” Harry mutters, letting go of my hand and stepping behind me as he does when he is ‘the bodyguard’ and not ‘the boyfriend.’

The walk back towards the estate was filled with nothing but utter silence. It killed me, but what am I meant to do?

The monarch will never accept my marriage to Harry, he is my bodyguard, he isn’t of any royal status, and he never will be of royal status.

“Can we talk, Harry?” I ask as he walks me to the master bedroom, not stepping outside of ‘bodyguard’ mode, not even for a second.

“About?” Harry questions blandly, having absolutely no enthusiasm to his voice.

He doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to be around me at this point, he just has no choice. It is what he gets for choosing to date the woman he is meant to be working for. This is the downside to our relationship, even when we want time apart, we have to stay around each other.

“Us. I can see you have more to say, you’re just holding your tongue because God forbid you to snap out of hiding behind being the bodyguard instead of being my boyfriend.”

My words strike a nerve in Harry, and he bites the inside of his cheek, “I’m not hiding. Princess Stephanie of Monaco memorably married her bodyguard Daniel Ducret in 1995, so why can’t you?”

“Because you know I can’t right now, please don’t do this. I can’t do this,” I shake my head, “I love you, is that not enough?”

Harry's lips set in a grim line, “considering you have to choose a royal boyfriend, no,” Harry shakes his head, “when we get back, your parents are holding a luncheon or one of those garden events where you will have to announce your choice. I hope you make the right choice, even though I know it won’t be me.”

“Harry—”

Harry shakes his head and cuts me off, “it is fine, Princess. I am going to sleep, if you need me, I will be next door,” Harry gestures towards the room the shares a wall with the master bedroom.

I grow withdrawn for a moment, disheartened at his comment, “you’re not sleeping with me?” I challenge, already knowing the answer.

I don’t want to sleep alone; I want to sleep with him beside me, I want to sleep with him beside me knowing he still loves me, even if I can’t marry him right now.

Harry shakes his head, “not tonight, Princess.”

I curl my lips with icy contempt, “Harry, please don’t do this,” my voice slips from my lips as a whisper, a plea, you could say.

Harry manages a deadpan expression, "goodnight, sleep well,” he responds, granting me a meagre and faked smile before he steps out of the bedroom and closes the door behind him, leaving me feeling desolate and empty.

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 101

Chapter Summary -   Tom and Danielle finish the touring part of their holiday and the move on to meeting Danielle's elderly maternal grandmother.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Gaelgóir - A predominantly native Irish speaker. IRA - Irish Republican Army, a paramilitary organisation set up to fight British occupation in Ireland. UVF - The Ulster Volunteer Force, a paramilitary organisation set up by Unionists who fought regularly against the IRA. I have the grandmother written to be a lot like my childminder growing up. An older woman who had no filter, she was great.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog​​​​ @jessibelle-nerdy-mum​​​​ @nonsensicalobsessions​​​​ @damalseer​​​​ @hiddlesbitch1​​​​ @winterisakiller​​​​ @fairlightswiftly​​​​ @salempoe​​​​​ @wolfsmom1​​​​​

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Tom stood at the bottom of the waterfall looking up as the water cascaded down towards them, he adored Ireland, it was official, it was so alike to home, similar foods, similar weather, yet incredibly different also. He could see why Danielle always spoke so well of her home and country, it was impossible to not love the place. He turned to see Danielle hopping from rock to rock with almost childlike glee on her face. “Having fun?” “Yes, yes I am.” She grinned back.

She was, as he predicted, quite stiff from their escapades that morning, but she had been nothing short of ecstatic since either, smiling happily as they enjoyed their holiday. “So, where next?”

“There is an old abbey not far from here, and a castle, I never got to go there, but I always wanted to.” She smiled at him, her eyes pleading.

Tom could only grin back. “You are such a nerd, come on, before someone comes and thinks we’ve lost our minds.” He walked cautiously made his way back to the path, having taken several photos on his phone beforehand of the water plummeting from the sky.

“What about you, is there anything you want to look at around here, I don’t want to dictate things and be boring you.”

“You are not boring me, I like these sorts of things, I love history and old buildings.” “Same difference, they are old because they are part of history.” Danielle pointed out. “If you rather not come, just say it, I won’t get insulted, I know that what I like isn’t for everyone, or we could incorporate a mix of things for the two of us.”

‘Elle, stop worrying, I love this, honestly.’ Tom reassured her, putting his arm around her shoulder and kissing her. ‘I swear.’

‘I suppose it’s better than a Selena Gomez concert anyway.’ She giggled as Tom looked at her bemused. ‘That was a funny one.’

‘I am glad you find my life funny.’ Tom growled.

* Tom sat staring at the old lady in the chair in front of him. He had absolutely no idea what the woman was saying, for the most part, knowing that she was assessing him in his presence.

After Kerry, they made their way to her family in Cork, her maternal grandmother was still alive, though in care in her old age. Danielle had suggested he do something more interesting than sitting with her in an old folk’s home for an hour, but Tom requested to go with her. Her grandmother did not recognise her at first, apparently, that was common enough for the older woman these days, her memory slowly fading. Her accent was strong and part of Tom was grateful that Danielle had not developed one such as it, he would not have understood a word she was saying if she had. They stayed a while but Tom needed to use the bathroom, so he went to the visitors one in the main hall, leaving Danielle to talk to her grandmother. When he came back to the room, he paused for a moment before entering.

‘He’s a bit of alright.’

‘Nan!’ Danielle laughed. ‘You’re terrible.’

‘So, are you going staying over there with him?’

‘I don’t know, hopefully.’

‘What does he do?’

‘He’s an actor.’

‘A real one or a bad one?’

Danielle laughed again. ‘A real one Nan. He’s really good. You know Hank Williams?’

‘Now there was another bit of alright, he was some crooner. There was a movie on about him recently.’

‘Yes, that was Tom, he played him.’ Danielle informed her.

‘Jesus, hold on to him Danielle, he is good.’ Danielle just laughed again. ‘Your grandfather was into his country music.’

‘Yeah, Mam said that a lot.’

‘You’re not living off him, are you?’

‘No Nan, I have my own job and house, I don’t need him to pay for things for me.’

‘Girls these days are lucky, you can make your own money and everything. Don’t depend on men.’

‘The only man a girl should depend on is her Dad.’ Danielle joked.

‘Your father was a good man.’

‘Yeah, he was,’ Tom could imagine the fond smile on Danielle’s face as she spoke.

‘Not as good looking at that lad though, if I were you, it wouldn’t be here visiting me I would be.’

‘Jesus Nan, I swear to God,’ Danielle’s words were muffled as it was clear she was hiding her face in shame.

Tom, for his part, could not prevent himself from blushing, thankful he had not been in the room when she said that particular line. Deciding to rescue Danielle and put that discussion to rest, Tom knocked on the door to re-enter the room. ‘Ladies,’ he smiled as he came in.

‘Did I hear that you played Mr Williams in that movie?’ her grandmother inquired.

‘Yes, Ma’am,’ Tom used his Hank impression.

‘Jesus, tis him alright,’ Danielle just sighed and shook her head. ‘Are you any bit of a singer?’

‘It was him singing, Nan.’

‘Was it? He’s a bit of something alright, Danielle.’ Danielle looked skyward, wondering how she could ever stop this. ‘He was brilliant.’

‘An incredible musician.’ Tom agreed.

‘He’s very proper.’ Her grandmother leant towards Danielle.

‘Nan, he is three feet in front of you, he can hear you.’ Danielle began to feel exasperated.

‘I’d say it to his face too.’

‘You literally just did,’ Danielle stated exasperatedly. ‘I give up.’

‘Your grandfather used to sing a lot.’ Danielle looked at her grandmother curiously. ‘He was the one to had me listening to Hank Williams, he was a country-style too, but he could not get the croon.’

‘I didn’t know that, I thought he just listened to it.’

‘Your mother hated country music.’

‘That I did know.’

‘Yes, your father wondered where we got her,’ Sheila looked to Tom, ‘she was more traditional Irish music, she loved Irish dancing too, makes sense she married a man from Connemara, my Daniel took one look at him and laughed, “Of course she’d go for a Gaelgóir,” he said. He’d have never thought his granddaughter would go over and marry a Brit though.’

Tom’s brows furrowed. ‘Nan, we’re not married.’ Danielle corrected. ‘And it’s not the same now as it was in Grandad’s time.’

‘Did we get back Ulster when I was asleep last night?’ Sheila asked. Danielle looked awkwardly to the far wall. ‘I am not a fool, Bridget, I know things are different. Go get me a cup of tea.’

Danielle smiled slightly and rose to her feet. ‘Sure Nan, I’ll get it there.’ She looked to Tom and indicated to the door.

Tom looked awkwardly at the older woman for a moment. ‘It is a pleasure to meet you, Mrs O’Brien.’

‘Look it, let me tell you this if I tell you no more boy, it’s Sheila, and you may be some little pulchritudinous fancy thing from Britain, but if you hurt my Bridget, I will sort you.’ She threatened.

Danielle looked at her adoringly. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll ring his Mam and sisters and they’ll sort him.’

‘You do that, I mean it now Bridget.’

‘Sure thing Nan.’

‘And for the love of God get me that tea.’

Danielle walked over and gave her grandmother a kiss on the cheek, ‘I will Nan.’ She stated quietly. ‘I love you loads, and thanks for telling me about Granddad and Hank Williams.’ She smiled sadly, before she turned and left the room, informing the care workers that her grandmother was tired but would like a cup of tea.

Neither Tom nor Danielle said anything until they got back to the car. ‘Are you alright?’ Tom took her hand in his as they sat in the car park.

‘Yeah, I just hate seeing her get worse, she is ninety-three years old, so I know it is common at her age, but she is such a character, I don’t like seeing it.’

‘I see where you get your madness from,’ Tom jested. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s life.’

‘So, your grandmother saw my work and liked it then?’

‘She loves Hank.’

Tom smiled proudly back. ‘Well, I did a great job apparently.’

‘You did.’ Danielle agreed with a smile.

Tom frowned. ‘Can I ask why would your granddad have been somewhat shocked?’ Danielle looked at him bewildered. ‘About you and I? I assume he was a republican?’ Danielle looked at him for a moment silently. ‘What?’

‘My grandfather Daniel was in the IRA.’ She admitted. Tom’s eyes widened. ‘He was involved in an incident in the fifties and well, yeah he was not a fan of British authority. Normal English people on the street he had time for, armed forces and government were something he very much did not.’ Tom said nothing in return. ‘In all fairness, Jack’s uncle was in the UVF.’

‘I don’t know what that is.’ Tom admitted.

‘The Unionists paramilitary army,’ Tom looked at her shocked. ‘Yeah, it was a two-sided thing, as wars tend to be.’

‘How do you know this?’

‘I was talking to his dad at the wedding, he told me that his brother died in the Troubles and we got talking about all that.’

‘That was anything but light-hearted. It was a wedding.’

‘It turned out to be an interesting conversation.’ Danielle admitted.

‘Your grandmother called you Bridget a lot towards the end.’

‘Yeah, she does that when she’s tired.’ Danielle’s tone was downtrodden at talking of such.

‘I heard what she said when I left by the way.’ Tom grinned, his tongue between his teeth as he did so.

‘Jesus, that woman has no filter.’ Danielle laughed. ‘I cannot even blame her age for that, she was always blunt.’

‘She likes me.’

‘How could she not?’ Danielle looked at him, a loving smile on her face.

‘Thank you,’ Danielle frowned. ‘For letting me be this involved in your life, giving me a chance to see all of you.’ Tom explained. ‘Now, to Dublin, be warned Siobhan wants to say hi,’

‘Will I drive?’ Tom offered. Danielle did nothing for a moment before getting out of the car and going to the passenger door, Tom smiling as he got out, kissing her gently on the lips before walking to the other side and getting in.

Torc Waterfall in Killarney

Muckross House

Muckross Abbey

Muckross Abbey Yew Tree

Ross Castle

The Lakes of Killarney

[lelitachay]

Frozen fanfiction: Søsken

Summary: Even though Anna loved her sister-in-law, she couldn’t help but notice there was something peculiar about Elsa. Everything starts to make sense after an accident and a forced family reunion.

Modern AU. Kristanna - Frohana - Kristoff & Elsa BrOTP.

Chapter 1 - North mountain

Chapter 2 - Aftermath

Chapter 3 - Family

Chapter 4 - Siblings

Chapter 5 - Confinement

Chapter 6 - Better days

Chapter 7 - A matter of pride

Chapter 8 - The calm

Chapter 9 - The storm

Saturday evening came faster than Elsa imagined. She had hoped during the week for dinner to be cancelled. She hadn’t wished for anything bad to happen, just a simple reason that could postpone dinner for a couple of weeks. Enough weeks to give her time to heal and go back to the North mountain. However, Elsa knew it was ridiculous to hope for something like that to happen. She still had three weeks to go before her appointment with the doctor; and she was not even sure it was going to be the last one.

In the end, her wishes didn’t come true and Elsa found herself standing in the middle of Kristof’s living room, watching Kristoff arranging things before they left. 

Kristoff put on his leather jacket and walked towards the door, making sure he had his keys. “Ready to go?” he asked when he noticed she hadn’t moved. 

“No.” The answer was short and sincere. Elsa knew it was silly to be so apprehensive about dinner, but she couldn’t help the way she felt. She had always felt uncomfortable around people, and it didn’t help she was the ‘guest of honour’, as Anna had put it a few days before.

“Stop being silly. Let's go,” said Kristoff opening the door and expecting her to move.

She knew the answer to the question before she asked it, but she felt like trying one last time, “Do I have to go?” 

Letting a tired sigh escape his lips, Kristoff gave his sister the same answer he had given her all week, “they want to thank you. I think it's necessary for you to be there.” Noticing Elsa was truly uncomfortable about the idea of having dinner with his in-laws, he tried to reassure her, “everything will be alright. I promise.”

“They'll be your family in the future and I know you love them. I want to give the right impression.”

“You are my family. They'll only be my in-laws,” he said walking towards Elsa. She was still standing in the middle of the room, and Kristoff knew she needed a little push to start moving. “It’s simpler than you think,” he stood in front of her and grabbed her shoulders to make sure she listened to him, “just go there, talk, eat, talk some more, eat dessert and you're done.”

Her eyes stayed fixed on the floor, “you say talk as if it's easy.” 

Once again, Elsa’s insecurities forced her to believe she was not someone who could participate in social gatherings. Through the years, he had come to accept that side of Elsa. Kristoff knew it was something she was still working on, and he knew being in front of people Elsa didn’t know made things more difficult; but for once he wished she could let herself enjoy something as simple as a family dinner. “Idunn and Agdar will do all the talking, just nod and you'll be fine. That's all I did the first time and it worked.”

Elsa let Kristoff guide her towards the door. His suggestion didn’t sound so bad - at least it was something she knew she could do - but her anxious mind didn’t give her much time to enjoy the idea before coming up with another question, “What if I need to go outside?”

Kristoff couldn’t help himself from chuckling, “you’re not a dog, Elsa. If you are uncomfortable just excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.” He knew what she meant though, she was probably thinking about what to do if she felt her powers tickling under her skin. “Deep breaths, remember? That’s what mum taught you.” 

He saw her take a deep breath right at that moment and suddenly noticed how nervous she actually was. “Why are you so nervous? You've been doing great lately. Even in the hospital you were able to control your powers…”

“I was drugged while I was in the hospital, Kristoff. My powers were tamed.”

“Still, you’ve been around Anna and living in the building for over a month and everything’s been great. Please stop worrying.”

“I really don’t want to mess things up,” she confessed.

Messing her hair up a little, Kristoff rested his hand on top of her head. “It's all in here,” he said. “Inside your head. Fight that fear.” 

“But-”

“I trust you more than anyone.” He picked the new winter jacket Anna had gifted her, and handed it to Elsa, “you should start doing the same.”

Lost for words, Elsa took the garment in one hand as she tried to keep her balance. She thought it was ridiculous to keep fighting, her brother wanted her to be part of his world too. And she felt she owned it to him. She tried to keep her balance as she put on the coat. Once she was ready, she said with resolution, “Let’s go.”

-

Her resolution began to shake when Kristoff parked the car in front of an extraordinarily beautiful two-story house. White walls and blue tile roofs let the house became part of the winter scenery. It had a magnificent front garden, everything was covered with snow, but she was able to see the defined lines of flower beds decorating the place. She spent some time admiring the Arendelle’s residence before she noticed Kristoff had not only stopped the truck, but had also stepped out of the vehicle. He had stopped moving just to make sure she was okay.

“Are you coming?” he said nearing her door.

“Yes,” she said suddenly, coming back from the trance she had been in. She had always admired the fine details of houses just like the one she was seeing. It was weird for her to think she was going to be able to see such an amazing place from the inside. Truth be told, she felt out of place just by standing outside.

“Need help?” he asked.

“No, it's okay.” Elsa struggled to get out of the truck by herself, but she couldn’t stand relying on her brother for every single thing she needed to do.

Once she was standing on the sidewalk, they began walking towards the main door. 

Kristoff began telling an anecdote about the first time he had visited Anna’s house, but interrupted his story when he noticed Elsa was nowhere near him. Afraid that something had happened to her, he turned around and saw her struggling to keep up with his pace. The paved entrance was covered by fresh snow, just like the rest of the front garden. 

“Elsa?”

“Right behind you,” she said as she approached him. “Have you got any idea how hard it's to use crutches in the snow?

“I think it’s the first time I hear you complain about snow,” said Kristoff chuckling. The unamused expression on Elsa’s face only made him laugh harder. “Don’t look at me like that, I’m trying to lighten the mood. Come on, I’ll help you the rest of the way.”

Kristoff was helping his sister walk when the door opened in a sudden movement. Anna waved at them from the door, “You guys are here!” she said. “I saw you park the truck!” Happiness was evident in her voice. “Come in! It's freezing outside.”

“We are coming,” answered Kristoff, waving to his girlfriend. 

Anna moved out of the way to let them into the house. Once they stepped into the the living room, Kristoff let go of Elsa’s arm, allowing her to walk at her own pace again. 

Elsa entered the room and was mesmerised by what she saw. Polished wooden floors and wooden furniture decorated the place. It was evident kristoff's in-laws were quite well-off. For sure Anna’s parents were important people. And she felt her anxiety return at the idea of not having anything in common to talk about with them.

Anna distracted Elsa from her thoughts when she announced she was going to tell her parents, who were on the kitchen, they had arrived. She watched Anna disappear through a double door, leaving them both on the living room.

Getting closer to Kristoff, Elsa whispered, “you didn’t tell me they were rich.”

“Well, they are not exactly rich. But Agdar has got a successful business. I think it was his father’s.”

“Anna doesn’t act like they rich people I give ski lessons to. They always make sure to remind me I’m of a lesser level than them,” commented Elsa with disgust.

“Her parents are amazing. The first time I met them, I was afraid they were going to think I was not good enough for Anna. But they welcomed me into their family as if I was the best guy out there.”

“Compared to the guys I’ve taught to ski, you are the best guy out there. Trust me,” said Elsa before seeing the doors open once again. A tall man whose hair was the same colour as Anna’s walked into the room followed by Anna.

“Kristoff!” said the man eagerly. “It’s nice to see you, son.”

‘Son?’ thought Elsa. She knew Kristoff was really close to Anna’s family, but she hadn’t imagined they treated him like a son. She was happy for her brother, but something in her chest hurt at the idea of Kristoff leaving her behind. She knew it was irrational and stupid, but she couldn’t control her mind sometimes. 

“Nice to see you too, sir,” said Kristoff respectfully while he shaked his hand.

“Papa, this is Elsa,” said Anna pointing to her. “Elsa, my dad Agdar.”

Elsa had felt relatively calm until that moment, but everything changed when Agdar payed attention to her. She knew she was the reason dinner was taking place, however she couldn’t stand being the centre of attention. And she felt uncomfortable when Agdar gave her a careful look, as if he was analysing her. She felt the same unease she had when she met Idunn, and all of a sudden she considered she was not good enough to be there. She felt as if Agdar was going to realise something was off with her, and she hated it. It didn’t help her nerves the fact that he hesitated before extending his hand to greet her.

Her powers had been tickling under her skin since early afternoon and she was sure her hand was freezing. The cold weather helped her hide it, but still, she didn’t feel comfortable extending her hand. Sadly, she didn’t have much choice. It was best to act as normal as possible and not give Anna’s parents the wrong idea; after all, the man was patiently waiting for her to take his hand. ‘Don't screw this up,’ she thought before extending her own hand.

If Agdar noticed how incredibly cold her hand was, he didn’t comment on it. Instead, he smiled, “Elsa, it’s a pleasure to meet you. My wife and I have been waiting for the right opportunity to thank you for what you did.” Grabbing her hand in both of his, he said, “Thank you for saving my daughter.”

‘Bad idea. Let go of my hand,’ thought Elsa while she made an effort not to make her hands colder than they were.  “It's my pleasure. And there’s no need to thank me. I was doing my job.” She gave a gentle pull, to ask for her hand back.

Agdar understood her silent request and let her hand go in an instant. Thinking she wanted her hand back to hold her crutch, he turned his attention to her cast, “How’s the leg?”

“I can’t complain.”

Before Agdar could ask any other question, Idunn entered the room. In an instant, she was by their side greeting them, distracting Agdar from his inquiries. Elsa was not sure if it was because she had already met her, but her presence helped her relax somehow. Her energy, which was similar to Anna’s, allowed Anna and kristoff join in the conversation. She thanked her and asked a few questions about her leg too, but she was not as intimidating as Agdar in Elsa’s opinion. Anna’s father seemed like a good person, but he was a lot more analytical than Anna or Idunn. He kept glancing at her from time to time, studying her while they talked.

After some minutes talking in the living room, Idunn commented dinner was almost ready. She told them to go to the dining room and asked Anna to help her carry some things to the table. Both women disappeared through the double doors once again, and Agdar guided Kristoff and Elsa to the dining room where the table was already set. Idunn had made sure everything was perfect for their dinner. Elsa was truly flattered they had taken the trouble just for her, but she guessed they felt it was necessary.

Once she sat down, she realised she was seated opposite to Anna’s family, and that allowed her to relax a bit. Her powers were not threatening to escape, but she knew her body temperature was not exactly normal. So, she was thankful the only one sitting close to her was Kristoff.

Anna and Idunn entered the room with their food, and the amazing smell let Elsa forget for a while about her worries. Kristoff had mentioned Idunn was a great cook and so far the smell proved that to be true. Anna had mentioned the previous day her mother was cooking one of her special dishes, and truth be told, Elsa couldn't wait to try it.

-

Dinner progressed in the best possible way. The food was indeed delicious and conversation had been about simple topics Elsa was able to follow. She stayed silent most of the time, but she was grateful she understood what they were talking about, allowing her to participate when Agdar or Idunn asked for her opinion. Conversation remained neutral and no personal questions were asked. She didn’t know if Anna had mentioned to them she was not a social person, but they made sure she felt comfortable throughout dinner.

After everyone had finished, Kristoff excused himself to the bathroom while Idunn and Anna went into the kitchen for dessert. Elsa was distracted looking at the falling snow out of the window, and didn’t notice she was alone with Agdar who soon took the opportunity to learn more about her. “Tell me, Elsa,” he said calling her attention. “Is your job a good business?”

Caughting her completely unaware, Elsa had to apologise and ask for him to repeat the question.

“I know the North mountain certainly is a great tourist attraction, but is it good enough to provide for the different resorts?”

Finally knowing what he was talking about, she answered, “It’s hard sometimes, but it's good enough for people like me to make a living. I can't tell you about the resorts to be honest.”

“Why not? Aren’t you working in one of them?”

“Oh, no. I- I work independently,” she felt like an idiot for stuttering, but she couldn’t really control her nerves.

“Isn’t it harder that way?”

“A little…”

“Then why not join a resort? I’ve heard from Anna you are an excellent instructor.”

She noticed Agdar was being truly respectful and it was just his business side asking the question. She felt it was better to give an honest answer, “I- I’m currently trying to do that.” 

“Getting your credentials in order?”

“Uhm…” Elsa felt ashamed all of a sudden. She didn’t know what to answer. She was not trying to impress him, but she felt awkward telling Anna’s father she was only beginning to study. Not to mention getting into that topic could lead to multiple questions she’d rather avoid.

Elsa hesitated for a few seconds but was interrupted by Anna, who had entered the room by the time Agdar asked the question, “I told you I’m helping her study, papa. The ski resorts won’t hire her until she earns a diploma.”

“Oh, you did say something about that when I picked you up the other day, Anna,” commented Idunn who was just behind her daughter. 

Agdar seemed lost for a moment, not really knowing what Anna was referring to, “When you say diploma, you mean-”

“High school diploma,” interrupted Kristoff who had returned as well. 

Elsa was thankful her brother was back in the room. He was going to help her explain her situation better. She didn’t feel comfortable talking about it, but at least she was not going to be alone answering the questions. 

“Elsa didn’t have the chance to finish her studies before. And now she is working hard to earn her diploma,” he explained.

“How is that possible?” cut Idunn in while she handed Kristoff his plate. “You said Gerda and Kai made sure you finished studying, Kristoff. Right?”

Kristoff nodded. He remembered telling Idunn how his parents’ main rule was for him to study and how they had helped him in everything he needed throughout high school. Before he got the chance to explain himself better, he heard Idunn say, “I thought they’d do the same for their own daughter.”

“They- They made sure I study too,” said Elsa, not wanting Anna’s parents to think her parents hadn’t been there for her too. “But my situation was…” For lack of better words Elsa used the only word that could describe her without saying anything more, “different than Kristoff’s.” She hated where the conversation was going, but she had been more or less prepared. She knew it was a matter of time until Agdar or Idunn asked some questions.

“Elsa didn’t have the same opportunity to study in the orphanage as I did.” Once again Kristoff intervened in time to help her. She waited for him to look at her and she smiled in gratitude. 

For a moment, Idunn and Agdar’s silence gave Elsa the idea they were going to stop asking questions. But soon after, Idunn looked at her and asked, “Wait, you are not Kai and Gerda’s biological daughter?”

“No, I’m not.”

She seemed to contemplate the answer for a few seconds, “how is it possible the orphanage provided education to Kristoff but not you?”

“It was not the same institution.” She took a deep breath to calm herself down before explaining, “we did live in the same orphanage at some point, but I spent most of my childhood in another place.”

Wanting to divert the conversation, Kristoff said, “Mine wasn’t good either, but at least they made sure I studied.”

“I thought there was only one orphanage in town…” said Idunn.

“It’s not in Trollheim. It’s in a city near the southern coast,” clarified Elsa.

Idunn took a deep breath and asked, “Romsdal?”

Elsa nodded but kept silent. Memories of that place were something she wished she could forget. But she knew there was no point in lying about the name of the city. After all, there was no way they could know what had happened in her orphanage before she was adopted. She thought mentioning was safe ground, but soon realised she had been mistaken.

Agdar who had remained silent during the conversation suddenly hit the table, surprising everyone, and said, “That’s not possible. You are wrong.”

“What?” asked Elsa. She didn’t know what she had said to make Agdar angry.

“There is only one orphanage in Romsdal and a great doctor was in charge of it. That cannot be the place.”

“Well, It- it is,” said Elsa with hesitation. She was sure she was not mistaken, but she didn’t know how to react to Agdar’s insistence. “I know the name of the city.”

“No,” he countered, shaking his head. “You must be mistaken.”

“Papa, I think Elsa must know what she is talking about,” Anna tried her best to stop her father before he made Elsa uncomfortable. She didn’t know what had triggered her father so much, but she considered it was not important at the moment. 

The man turned to his daughter and clarified, “I’ve heard about that place. The doctor was renowned for his work helping kids. It’s not possible it’s the same place.”

“Why is it so important if it is the same place or not? I know Elsa remembers the name, there’s no need to argue about that.” It was the first time Kristoff openly contradicted his father-in-law, but he felt it was necessary to end the conversation.

Hitting the table repeatedly with his index finger, Agdar said, “It’s important because getting the facts right prevents misleading information, son.”

“What are you talking about?” Anna seemed as puzzled as the siblings by her father’s reaction; and she was not willing to let him behave that way in front of Kristoff and Elsa. She also knew how delicate the subject was. “Elsa is telling us about her personal experience in that place, dad. It could easily be the same orphanage. People lie all the time about the good deeds they do.” 

“The only orphanage in Romsdal is a trusted institution. She must be mistaken.”

“I’m not mistaken,” said Elsa all of sudden, surprising herself. She never felt comfortable arguing with people, not even her brother. But she had been feeling her powers pulsating under her skin since the conversation turned into an argument, and she couldn’t focus on what she was saying. She wanted everyone to stop talking about Romsdal and to stop fighting. Her memories of that city were the worst she had, and the sole mention of such place made her feel uncomfortable.

“Then, if you are not, would you mind telling us what happened there? Are you sure it’s not just your childhood memories playing tricks?” Agdar hadn’t raised his voice, but it was a clear command. 

Elsa knew the man was not going to let the matter slip so easily. She wanted to stop the conversation, but everything she said made it worse. She knew she couldn’t answer that question, she couldn’t talk about the things she had lived there without expose her powers. Not knowing what to do she said, “I would really like to change the topic of conversation.” Elsa hoped she could get the situation under control. Her hands were colder than they had been in a long time, and she was not sure she was going to be able to control her emotions if the argument continued.

“Look, kid,” said Agdar calling Elsa’s attention. “You can’t go around trashing good people’s names like that. If you are mistaken, you are-”

Kristoff had the deepest respect for Anna’s father, but he felt interrupting him was in order, he was not at all pleased by the way he was speaking to his sister. “Elsa knows what she is talking about. There’s no mistake. Now it would be best to-”

Agdar interrupted him back, “Doctor Weselton is a good person. He-” but was cut by the sound of Elsa’s chair scraping against the floor.

At the mention of Weselton’s name, Elsa felt her emotions spike. There was not much she could do but leave the place before she did something she’d regret. “I need to go outside,” she said as she tried to find her crutches and get up.

Kristoff heard Elsa’s chair and knew what his sister was about to do, he knew she wasn’t feeling okay with the argument and being the reason it started, but he couldn’t let her go just like that. It was going to be harder to explain if she suddenly went outside. He grabbed her left arm before she got the chance to pick her crutches and forced her to remain seated, “Elsa, please stay.” He then turned to his father-in-law, “Agdar, I’m sorry, but Elsa knows first hand about this. Doctor Weselton is not a good person.”

Elsa couldn’t focus on what kristoff was saying, she could only see he was preventing her from leaving. She pulled, trying to free her arm in vain, “Let go of my arm, Kristoff!”

“There’s no need for you to leave the table, Elsa,” said Anna who until that moment had stayed silent watching how everything turned from bad to worse without reason. “Please stay.”

“No, I won’t believe that’s true,” a stubborn Agdar replied. “I know wha-”

“You don’t know what you are talking about,” said Elsa. She was losing control and she couldn’t stand to hear Agdar defend the man who had ruined her childhood. “No one knows. Now, please, Kristoff, let go of my arm,” her voice cracking towards the end of her sentence. 

“No.” Kristoff tighten his grip on her wrist. He needed Elsa to calm down so everyone could talk and apologise, but he was running out of things to say to convince Agdar and Elsa.

“Kristoff. I’m serious I-”

Not realising the damage he was causing, Agdar continued to defend what he believed was right, “how could you know I’m mistaken. All I’m saying is-”

“Papa, please drop the subject!” Anna didn’t know what had gotten into her father, but he was behaving in the strangest way possible. Not only he was not aware how uncomfortable Elsa was, but he kept talking as if someone else besides himself cared. What was even more strange, was her mother’s silence. She had been talking and participating until Elsa mentioned where she had grown up and then she had just stopped.

“Kristoff let go!” Tired and feeling her powers slip from her control, Elsa stood up fast enough to force her hand out of Kristoff’s grip. But the rapid movement and the stress of the situation caused her to lose her concentration, letting her powers free for a few seconds. It was enough for a blast of ice to escape her hand, freezing the table and nearly missing Idunn’s head in the process.

Everyone in the room stayed where they were in complete silence. Anna was the first to move her head from Elsa’s hand to the frozen cupboard situated behind her mother. She followed the frost and rime that covered the table and tried to comprehend what had happened. 

Elsa was the second one to react. Unlike Anna, she didn’t need time to understand what had occured, to her dismay she was completely aware of the damage her mistake had almost caused. She looked at the frozen piece of furniture and realised how close the blast had been from hitting Anna’s mother. She couldn’t stop herself from remembering the last day she had stayed in Romsdal’s orphanage when she was fourteen. Several memories she had tried her best to suppress returned in an instant, forcing her body to react on its own. She grabbed the crutches from the floor and ran out the room.

-

Kristoff remained on his chair, unable to move or talk for a few seconds. What had happened before his eyes was everything his family had been trying to avoid since the day Elsa moved in with them. All the hard work Elsa had done to be able to enjoy a normal life disappeared the moment the blast of ice left her hand. And it was in the worst place possible. Not only it was in his in-law’s house, but there wasn’t any plausible excuse the two of them could give to pretend it had never happened. 

He tried to find his voice to say something, to find a solution, but there was nothing he could say to ease the fear in Anna and her family’s eyes. Before he or anyone on the table could do anything, he heard Elsa’s chair move and he saw her ran by his side. The sound of the front door closing made him aware he needed to go after her before she did something she could regret. He stood up and ran after her, not bothering to explain anything to the rest.

Stepping out of the house, he noticed the sky had turned darker than it had been that day. He was not surprised to see the wind had picked up and he also noticed the previous snowfall was turning into a blizzard. He knew he needed to do something before people in the neighbourhood realised it was not at all normal. Thankfully, it was easy for him to spot Elsa. She had trouble moving fast in the snow and she hadn’t been able to get farther than the sidewalk by the time he run out of the house. 

When he spotted her, he wasted no time in calling her name. “Elsa!” he said. “Wait!” 

She turned her head to look at him, but soon after continued moving in the opposite direction. She wanted to escape before Anna or her family came after her.

“Damn it,” he muttered to himself. He knew it was not going to be easy to calm her down, but he didn’t expect her to run away from him too. “Elsa!” he called her name once again. He run in her direction hoping to reach her before she got hurt. The sky kept getting darker and the snowstorm was becoming more aggressive. Clear evidence that his sister was suffering an anxiety attack.

“Elsa!” he tried again. “Elsa, please. Calm down.”

She turned to him and raised her hand, begging him to stop, “I need to get out of here.”

“Elsa, please. Listen to me. We can talk about this.”

“I’ve ruined it. I- I have got to go,” she tried to move once again. But the snow on the sidewalk didn’t let her move her crutches, causing her to fall over her right side.  “Damn it!” she said in pain.

In an instant Kristoff was kneeling by her side. He feared she had hurt her leg on the fall and he knew he needed to talk some sense into her. “Elsa, are you all right? Let me help you.”

Elsa slapped his hand away from her and yelled, “stay away from me. Stay away.”

“Elsa, listen to me. Listen to me,” he repeated grabbing her by her shoulders. Kristoff forced her to look at him in the eyes. “You’re okay. I’ve got you. You’re having an anxiety attack, you need to calm down!”

“I- I can’t Kristoff,” it was getting harder for her to breath. “Stay away. I’m dangerous.”

Not listening to her, he shaked her by the shoulders. “We can talk about this. They will listen to us. They will understand,” he promised. Deep down he knew it was a lie. He didn’t know if they were going to be willing to listen, but he needed Elsa to believe in his words. 

Elsa lowered her head, tears streaming down her face. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” she said over and over again.

His heart broke seeing her like that. It had been over six years since the last time she had broken down, and he didn’t know what to do. Hugging her tight, he whispered, “It’s not your fault.”

Her sobs were muttered by Kristoff’s chest, who kept hugging her tight while she weeped. The two of them stayed were they were, Kristoff patiently waiting for Elsa to calm down. 

After a minute, when he thought the hug was finally working, both of them heard the worried voice of Anna yell from the distance, “Kristoff!”

Elsa, who had been taking some shuddering breaths to regain her composure, froze when she noticed Anna was close to them. She pushed Kristoff away and tried to run away, but the snow and her cast didn’t allow her to get up from the icy floor.

He watched her struggle to get up and fall again, and realised Elsa was going to hurt herself before coming back to her senses. Fear was written on her face, and she was not listening to reason. Kristoff knew at that moment what he had to do, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do.

He got up and ran towards his truck, which was parked a few meters away from them. He knew there was a strong sedative in the glove compartment. He hated knocking Elsa out, but it was the only solution he had. Elsa’s anxiety was too much to control on his own; and he couldn’t risk her, or anyone else, getting hurt. He was opening the first aid kit when he heard Anna’s worried voice once again. She had followed him to the vehicle. “Kristoff! What’s going on?!”

“Get inside,” he said preparing the syringe he needed.

“Not before you-”

“Get inside now, Anna!”

He didn’t wait for her to answer, he just ran back to Elsa. The blizzard was getting stronger and he knew things could get out of hand if he didn’t act fast. He kneeled by his sister and said, “I need you to calm down, please. I don’t want to knock you out but I don’t know what else to do. I’m sorry.”

She began struggling to free her arm before Kristoff injected the sedative, “No, don’t.. Kristoff don’t!”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry…” he repeated. “We are going home. You’ll be alright. I promise.” He injected the drug and hugged her tight while he waited for it to kick in. 

“Kristoff…” said Elsa as her body went limp in his arms.

The blizzard stopped the moment Elsa fall into the effect of the drug. Snow kept falling, but it was the natural snowfall from before. The sky still looked darker than normal, but something told Kristoff it would remain like that for some time.

After the storm stopped, Anna approached her boyfriend. Before she could say anything, Kristoff picked Elsa in his arms and said, “Elsa needs help.I need to take her home.”

“Kristoff, wh-”

“I’ll explain everything, I swear. Just, please, don’t call the police,” he begged.

Not understanding his request, she asked, “What?”

“Elsa…” He adjusted Elsa better in his arms before explaining, “she is not a dangerous person. Please, you’ve got to trust me.”

Anna watched him carry his sister back to the truck and make sure she was safe in the passenger’s seat. After he picked her crutches and throw them on the back, ready to leave, Anna found the courage to say, “Kristoff, I don’t understand…”

“I’ll explain this, I swear. Tell your parents I’m sorry.” Soon after, he got inside the vehicle and left. Anna stayed were she was baffled.

-

Anna didn’t know how long she stood there, in the cold winter evening, watching the empty street. So many things had happened in such a short time. Her sister-in-law had almost struck her mother with an ice blast. If someone ever told her she was going to witness something like that, she would have laughed in their face. And there she was trying to understand how it all could be real.

She began feeling the cold temperature after a while, she had run out of the house not even thinking about grabbing a coat on the process. She began walking back inside, when she realised her parents hadn’t come out, probably afraid of what Elsa almost did. She thought of Kristoff’s request too. He had promised to explain everything on the condition they didn’t call the police or tell anyone about what they had witnessed. She trusted his word, but she had to make sure her parents didn’t do anything. Suddenly, afraid of the possibility they were calling someone, she ran into the house.

Anna began talking before she entered the dining room, “I don’t know what just happened, like, I have literally no idea what just happened. But Kristoff told me to trust him. And even if this doesn’t make sense, I do… I do trust him so, please let’s not call-” She stopped when she noticed both of her parents were still sitting at the table. Her mother was silently crying and Agdar rested his head in his hands. “Are you guys okay?” she asked with worry. Maybe the blast had struck them. She didn’t know.

Idunn took a shuddering breath and tried to dry her tears when she heard Anna’s question, but it was impossible for her to hide the sorrow she felt.

“I knew it. When she said she was adopted. I knew it was Elsa,” murmured Agdar.

“What? What’s going on?” asked Anna, looking at her father.

“Anna…” said Agdar raising his head when he finally noticed she was in the room with them. “I- Nothing. Don’t- don’t worry. What happened with-”

“No,” said Anna. “You just said something about Elsa. Do you know Elsa?”

“Anna, I said it’s nothing.”

Idunn took another breath and dared say, “Agdar, she deserves to know.”

“But Idunn…” he had no good reason to contradict his wife. He knew it was only his inner fear and shame that prevented him from telling the truth to Anna.

“We can’t keep running from this, Agdar,” said Idunn, grabbing one of his hands. She looked at Anna, and said, “Dear, we’ve got something to tell you.”

-

This is the main scene that triggered this story. Some parts of the dialogue in this chapter were the first lines I wrote of Søsken - months ago -, and I’m excited to finally let them see the light.  As always, please let me know what you think of the story and this chapter in particular. It helps me keep writing and improving.  I can’t thank you enough for your nice comments and excitement so far. You are the best!

Tagging time:  @melody-fox, @snowycrocus, @kristoffxannafanatic, @kristannafictionals, @neptrabbit, @skneez, @ellacarter13, @wondering-in-life, @who-i-am-8, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @wandering-bard-from-the-id, @815-allisnotlost, @khartx, @joannevixxon, @betweenthedreams, @lilrann, @burbobah, @rileysfs, @zutonium, @earlvessalius, @blood-jewel, @aries1708, @disneydreamer8901, @the-sky-is-awake, @disneyfan103

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #277

“i think we could reach heaven if we go through hell”

What are you currently listening to? "Heaven" by Solence. Has your father met the boy you currently love? I don’t love a guy, just his memory. I don’t think it’s accurate to say “yeah I love him” when I haven’t spoken to/associated with him since one talk in 2017. Are you closer with your siblings or cousins? My sisters. I barely ever see/talk to my cousins at all. How many people have you really fallen for? Two. Next event you’ll wear a dress to: Probably not ‘til my sister’s wedding next year. Why did you last cry? Oh god it’s so cheesy but it was during the Unus Annus video where Mark, Ethan, and Amy were out in the desert watching Neowise and just talking about life and shit. I legit sat in silence just thinking for a while after I finished it. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning? Shit, not even 10 minutes. Sometimes not even five. I don’t do anything special at all, just get dressed, brush teeth, and comb my hair. Would you ever take back someone after they cheated? Nnnnope. How many arguments have you had with the last person you dated? Well considering we jumped back and forth from hating each other to being friends like five times as kids,,,, lmao. But on a serious note, it’s rare now. I don’t exactly count arguments tho. Do you want to see somebody right now? I wanna hang with Sara so bad mayn. Do you get distracted easily? YEAH. Do you think that someone has feelings for you? Yeah. Do you still talk to the person that you last kissed? On the daily. Are you easy to get along with? I think so. I’m chill with such a variety of people that you know you can be free of judgment. The only thing you’d have to understand is how quiet I am and that it does not equate to me being disinterested in you or anything, as people have apparently thought. Have you ever had a pet goldfish? As a kid. Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? Yeah. Are you short? I’m of an average height for someone my gender, age, and nationality or whatever it’s called. Is there anything stressing you out currently? bruuuuuhhhhh I am ALWAYS stressed about something. What’s something that you cannot wait for? This fucking pandemic to end. Just wear your goddamn masks and stay in your fucking houses ‘n shit and maybe we’ll move forward. What was your favorite grade? So it’s super ironic: 7th. Which is when my depression manifested. I just have a lot of good memories with excellent teachers and friends. Are you afraid of shots? “Fear” is the wrong word for it, but there’s certainly a tense feeling before you get one. It’s not the needle that really hurts, it’s whatever medicine is being injected. Always stings. Were you an adorable baby? I was tbh, but I had nothing on my little sister. Nicole was so fucking cute. Are you happy with who you’re becoming? No. Do you want children? No. Do you change your phone background a lot? Not “a lot,” no. Would you rather take a relationship really slow or really fast? Definitely really slow. Really fast is nooot my style. I mean, neither is very slow, but I’d definitely prefer it and feel more secure in it. When applying eyeliner, which eye do you do first? Uhhh I think left? I do this so rarely that I don’t really know lol. How many exes have you talked to today? One. Are you tan? lol hell no. I never have been. Do you use any acne medication? I use a facial scrub to exfoliate and prevent acne, does that count? Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? My half-sister I’ve never met. I know almost nothing about her so can’t answer the second question. Are you likely to crack under peer pressure? Not really, no. Are you emotional or very stoic? I’m emotional as hell. How many states have you lived in? North Carolina has kept me hostage my whole life. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? Yeah. Who did you last say “I love you” to? Me mum. How do you want to die? Eek, idk man. Part of me says fast as to avoid pain or a gradual, torturous decline in health, but at the same time I want my life to conclude after like… accepting it and not taking my last days for granted. I also don’t want the sudden surprise on my loved ones. Are you scared of spiders? Okay, so this is very situational. If a spider surprises me, I’m most likely going to gasp/scream/curse and try to get away. However, I find them very, very fascinating to watch and are beautiful and some even cute in their own right. I respect their existence and position in the ecosystem. I’ve held a tarantula before and even want two (… or ten) as a pet, so I can’t be THAT scared of them. Oh, and I’m much more likely to be spooked by ones with long legs and particularly small bodies. Idk, it’s weird. Do you have trust issues? fuck YES I do. Who/what was your last dream about? I know Jason was in it, but that’s no surprise. I remember someone randomly trying to kill me again lmao. Who was the last person you cried in front of? I’m sure it was Mom. Who was your last text from? Sara. Do you usually sleep with your closet door open or closed? The fuck is wrong with you if you sleep with it open?????????????? Have you ever "done it" in a hotel room? No. I don’t think we were ever in a hotel together, and besides, it’s p gross imho. I can’t say for sure I wouldn’t lmao but I hope I wouldn’t. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No, that’s never made sense to me? My sister stole a traffic cone once tho lmao. She legit just wanted to do something sketchy. Highkey badass, amirite. Are you reading any books right now? I’m very slowly reading Wings of Fire: The Dark Secret by Tui T. Sutherland. I’m going through one of my junctures of little reading again, even though I’m enjoying the book as I do with the series. Who was the last person to send you a friend request on Facebook? Some dude I had no mutual friends with or anything. How recently did you wash your hands? Last time I went to the bathroom. Did the last person you kissed have facial hair? No. Who is the most intelligent person you know? Girt. Do you have younger siblings? If you do, are you protective of them? I have one sister younger by two years, and I’d kill for her even if we’re not all that close. What are the other members of your household doing at this moment? I’ve actually been home alone for around two weeks now and am MIRACULOUSLY doing totally fine. My mom had to take an urgent flight to NY because her mom is dying. Sadly much slower than they expected. She’s not in pain due to medicine, but nevertheless, it’s torture for her. She can't do anything. Do you have any neighbors that you don't get along with? Not really, but there is someone to our right that constantly has music playing outside, and sometimes it’s annoying. In the past week, have you slept past midday? No. I can’t remember the last time I did that. Name the last song that made you cry. “Lovely” by Billie Eilish, I think. It reminded me of Jason. Do you use Twitter? Not really, no. I only ever check it to look at Mark’s lmao what a shocker. The last time something scared you, what was it? One of my nightmares last night. A huge spider was hurrying towards my face from the wall and I actually scrambled out of bed irl, therefore nearly passing out bc I can't get up fast w/o getting extremely dizzy, oof. Who was your first best friend? Brianna. Are you still friends anymore? On Facebook, anyway. We haven’t talk-talked in many years. Who is your best friend right now? Sara. How old were you when you found out what sex was? I was in the 4th or 5th grade, whatever age you are then. I definitely learned later than most, it seems. Had no idea until sex ed in school. Name one quirk you have that drives people crazy? I pace badly, and I’ve been told by numerous people it makes them anxious. Who is your favorite Disney villain? Probably Scar. You gotta admit his scheme was pretty clever, and he had a BUMPIN song. Would you have children if a surrogate could carry it for you? No, I still wouldn’t. Do you have an account for any social platform that you rarely/never use? Yeah, like Twitter. What do you most frequently take photos of? Nature. Do you ever wear hats? What does your favorite hat look like? No. Have you tried any foods or drinks for the first time today? Which? No. Does anyone close to you smoke cigarettes? My dad. What was the last song you heard, that made you feel nostalgic? Motionless In White recently covered "Somebody Told Me" by The Killers. Is it awkward when you run into your ex? I don’t run into any of them. Do you prefer pasta, salad, or coleslaw? Oh, totally pasta. Coleslaw is fucking disgusting. Do you think any of your exes will eventually want to be with you again? I hope. Would you rather pierce your tongue or lip? I have a vertical labret and did have snake eyes, and I adore(d) both; however, I prefer my lip ring. It’s like, a part of my identity by now lmao. Last time you were attacked by an animal? I don’t think an animal has ever seriously hurt me, instead only through playing too rough. I get scratches from Roman every now and again from it. How many times have you been engaged (if any at all)? Never. Have you ever been called something and you didn’t know what it meant? So one of the most embarrassing things I’ve ever done is accidentally agree to being a martyr, because at the time, I thought it only meant like, you’d die for what you stand for, which in most serious cases, I would. I didn’t know that wasn’t the kind he meant; he meant I was trying to make shit all about me and throw a pity party about the breakup. I didn’t learn that was the “common day” definition until a long time after when I was no longer in contact with this person. Are your eyes sensitive to sunlight? VERY VERY VERY. Have you ever been busted for underage drinking? No. Do you have a picture of you and your lover kissing? I don’t have a “lover.” Have you witnessed a fight at school? So shortly after returning to class in the 10th grade, a girl deadass got stabbed in the neck during a fight nearby my classroom. I (nor my classmates) actually saw it, just heard. Safe to say the assailant was expelled, and the other girl was lucky to have her throat missed, though that was apparently what the other girl was aiming for. She went to the hospital of course, and that’s all I know. Who did you last get into a big argument with? Probably Mom. Do you drink lots of water? Sigh, no. What was the worst feeling you last felt? Before my last period I had a day of such bad cramping that I decided to go back on birth control. I originally started it for that but stopped to see how it would affect my mood, and now I absolutely need it back. Interested in anyone at the moment? Yeah. Do you know people with your last name that you aren't related to? Besides historical people, no. Are you guilty of texting while driving? ”I don’t drive, but I am so against doing that. Please don’t. It only takes a second of distraction for something to go wrong. Keep your eyes on the damn road.” <<<< This right fuckin here. Have you ever caused a lot of noise in a library? No. What was the last thing that completely took your breath away? I don’t know. When playing rock, paper, scissors which do you usually pick? Uhhh I think scissors? Have you ever tried to write a book? Yes, but they’re all projects I abandoned. Have you ever been hit by a chunk of hail? Not that I recall, no. Do you have high standards? Honestly yes when it comes to relationships (which is what I assume you’re talking about). Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle? Yeah. Do you know how to snap your fingers? Uh, yeah. Do you plan your outfits for the next day or just randomly choose? I choose on the spot, usually. Are you a bossy person? Definitely not. Is it true that if you don’t love yourself, you can’t love another? I fucking hate that statement. It’s absolute bullshit.

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 8a

Cowritten with @disastrousintention.

-x-

It had been seven days since Duffy was discharged from hospital, both she and the baby were doing well. The cause of the pain had been growing pains - something to do with the uterus expanding. Charlie was just relieved there had been no long term damage to either of them. Charlie had made Duffy and the boys move into his flat, insisting they took his bedroom whilst he slept on the sofa. While their situation wasn’t ideal, it was only temporarily until Charlie found them somewhere better to live.

Early in the morning Duffy crept into the kitchen and made herself a cup of tea. She tried her best to be as quiet as possible because she could see that Charlie was still asleep despite the fact he was half hanging off the sofa.

He was snoring lightly on the sofa. It wasn’t the comfiest place to sleep, he often woke with a stiff back and a sore neck. Still, it wouldn’t be forever, would it?

After placing the milk back in the fridge she sat on one of the stools by the kitchen counter. She sipped her tea and savoured the quiet whilst everyone else was still asleep.

The silence was soon broken, however, when there came a thud from the living room. Charlie had rolled off the sofa. He groaned as he sat up, rubbing his head.

"Oh my gosh! Are you OK?!" She gasped as she jumped up from the stool, well as best she could in her current condition, and hurried over to him.

He yawned and nodded, “Uh huh.” He looked up at her, “I forget this sofa is tiny in comparison to the bed.”

"I'm sorry." She sighed, placing her hand on his shoulder.

“It’s fine.” He paused, “Do you mind... helping me up?”

She hesitated as she tried to figure out the best way to help him. "Um... OK... Er..."

He held his hand out to her, “I’m an old man these days.” He teased with a sleepy smile.

"You were always an old man!" She teased back as she took hold of his hand.

“Rude.” With his hand in hers, Charlie moved from the floor back to the sofa. He covered himself with the blanket, “Sorry, showing you my chicken legs.”

She looked down at her own clothes. "I'm not exactly dressed for company either." She laughed.

He laughed softly and moved his head from side to side, attempting to loosen the tightness in his neck. “Did you sleep ok?”

"As well as I could with Jake's feet in my face!"

“Could be worse, he could have smelly feet.”

"True." She yawned as she ran her fingers through her tangled hair.

Charlie watched her out the corner of his eye and smiled, “Why don’t you go back to sleep for an hour or so?”

"Its ok. I wouldn't be able to get comfortable again now anyway."

“Fancy a snog instead?” He asked with a cheeky smile. “And a cuddle?” He added.

Duffy looked cautiously at the bedroom door across the room. She nervously sat down on the sofa next to him.

He reached out and caressed her cheek. “We can just cuddle if you’re more comfortable with that idea.”

"We just need to be careful." She sighed. "The boys are still so upset about everything with their dad."

“I know darling.” He smiled sadly.

"I don't think they can cope with finding out about us on top of everything else."

Charlie listened to Duffy, placed his hand on her knee and gave it a gentle squeeze. “I know but we need to tell them about the baby sooner or later.”

"Not yet though. They need more time to adjust to all the changes."

“I know they do.” He smiled sadly, “I’m not about to rush you or the boys, ok?”

"Thank you." She whispered and lent forward to kiss him softly.

He kissed her tenderly, his hand moving from her knee to her stomach.

She ran her hand through his hair, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened and Charlie’s hands began to roam Duffy’s changing figure.

Duffy lent back onto the sofa cushions, taking Charlie with her as she did so.

Pulling away from the kiss, Charlie rested his forehead lightly against Duffy’s. “I’ll wait for as long as you need me too.” He said quietly.

"I want you so much right now but..." She sighed. "Its too risky with the boys here."

“You’re not the only one.” He replied with a chuckle. “Looks like I’m in need of a very cold shower.” He winked and pecked her lips. “Love you.”

"I love you too." A grin slowly appeared on her face. "Do you need someone to help scrub your back?"

"Depends who's offering."

"I might be persuaded..." She knew they were running a huge risk, the boys could wake up at any moment, but she couldn't help herself as she reached out to kiss him once more.

As they kissed his hands caressed each part of her body. He needed her, wanted her.

Duffy could feel the sensible part of her brain being quickly overridden but mounting desire. A common problem when she and Charlie were alone together.

“Shall we... go and get that shower?” He whispered as he broke away from the kiss again. One of his hands cupped her breast over her top.

Duffy moaned softly at the sensations his touch provoked deep inside her.

His lips began to move to her neck, planting soft kisses along her neck and collarbone. Charlie moved his hands under her top, his fingertips running against her nipples.

Duffy let out a gasp that was quickly interrupted by a lust-filled moan.

Hearing her moan, Charlie felt a familiar sensation in his stomach. “Shower?” He kissed her urgently.

He moved his hands from her breasts and got to his feet. He offered his hand out to her.

She took his hand and allowed herself to be led across the room. Once in the bathroom she watched him turn on the shower and begin to undress. Suddenly she felt very self conscious once more.

As he removed his T-shirt, Charlie sensed Duffy's hesitation. He turned his attention to her, placed both his hands against her hips and told her: “You’re beautiful.”

Despite Charlie's words she remained unconvinced. She knew the truth. She was fat and damaged. Why couldn't he see that?

She was beautiful, inside and out. “I want to see your body.” He whispered.

She slowly lowered her pj bottoms to the floor. She still felt fairly confident in the shapely nature of her legs. She then moved her hands to the oversized tshirt she wore, her fingers playing with the hem.

He watched her as she removed her pyjama bottoms and bit his lip. She was so gorgeous! She was getting him very warm.

Letting go of the top she reached down to fold up her pj bottoms. She was stalling for time, avoiding removing her top in front of him.

“You have no reason to be self-conscious, at all.” He reassured. “I love your body. I always have.”

She chewed at her lip as she slowly removed her top, avoiding his gaze the entire time. Though the bruising had begun to fade it was still visible.

He placed his hand against the bruising and stroked his fingertips against it.

A single tear escaped down her cheek. She hated the fact that he'd had to see her this way.

With his free hand, he reached up and wiped away the tear. “What’s wrong?” The concern was evident on his face, “Am I hurting you?” He moved his hand quickly from the bruise, thinking he was causing her discomfort.

She shook her head. "I... I'm sorry." She mumbled.

“Please don’t ever apologise.” He paused, “Are you ok?”

"Sorry." It was instinctive. She sighed. "Nervous." She whispered.

“What are you nervous about?” He asked.

She stuttered unable to form the words to explain how she felt.

“Are you nervous about us?”

"No!" She sighed. "Its all just so much, so quickly." She shrugged, frustrated with herself.

“It’s ok to be nervous.” He reassured, “Especially considering everything that has happened.” Charlie took a few minutes to collect his thoughts, “We can wait... if you don’t want to be intimate. If that’s what’s making you nervous.”

"You're always so understanding." She whispered, a hint of shock in her tone.

"That surprises you doesn't it?" He asked sadly, already knowing the answer.

She nodded. She swallowed before reaching out her hands to wrap around his shoulders. She tilted her head towards him to kiss him once more, thinking that's what she should do.

He kissed her back but withdrew soon afterwards. “Let’s take a shower and maybe we can talk some more?” He smiled, “I want you to take the first steps here. I don’t want you to do anything you feel uncomfortable doing.”

She slowly eased the tshirt up over her head and stepped into the shower.

He watched her remove her top, biting his lip. Damn, she was hot! He removed his shorts and followed her into the shower.

She was finally starting to relax and enjoy Charlie's kisses and caresses when suddenly she heard a noise from the other room.

“Sounds like one of the boys is awake.” Charlie said quietly as he kissed her. “I’ll tell them you’re in the shower.”

"How are you gunna explain you being in the bathroom too?"

“I’m hoping if I get out of there quick enough, they won’t know I’ve been in the bathroom too.” He kissed her again before getting out of the shower, quickly drying himself and throwing on his clothes.

Duffy finished her shower and headed back into the lounge. She smiled as she saw Charlie making breakfast for her sons.

He didn’t even notice she’d returned to the lounge. He was talking to Peter.

Her heart burst as she watched the scene in front of her. Peter wasn't even Charlie's son yet he behaved like more of father to him than Andrew ever had.

He looked up and caught Duffy’s gaze. He smiled, “Would you like some breakfast?”

"That would be lovely. Thanks."

Charlie smiled brightly as he made Duffy breakfast. He loved her sons like they were his own, he always had done.

Duffy smiled shyly, her fingers brushing against Charlie's as he held out her bowl.

“I was just asking the boys how they’re both getting on at school.”

"Did you manage to get more out of them than I usually do?" She laughed.

"Uncle Charlie said he'd come to see my match next Saturday." Peter grinned.

“I did actually.” Charlie laughed and smiled, “That’s ok with you, isn’t it?” He clarified with Duffy.

"Of course. If that's what Peter wants then it's fine with me."

“You looking forward to your game?” He asked Peter.

"Yeh. Mum usually has to work when I have matches."

“I’m sure your mum will be able to attend this one.”

"Doesn't she have a shift?" He asked, puzzled.

Duffy turned to look at Charlie with a raised eyebrow. She did have a shift that morning.

“Leave it with me and I’ll see what I can do, alright?”

Duffy shot Charlie a look. So much for no special treatment!

He sighed softly. He wasn’t giving her special treatment. He knew she wouldn’t accept it nor like it.

"Mummy can't run around at football. She's too fat!" Jake giggled.

“Jake! That’s not nice.” Charlie knew that comment would shatter Duffy’s confidence - the tiny shreds she had left.

"Mummy says you should always tell the truth." He replied, confused.

“Mummy isn’t fat, that’s not a nice word to say.” He explained gently. “It can make someone very sad.” He crouched down to Jake’s level.

Peter watched the entire exchange with interest. His mum's face was red and her eyes were shiny. Maybe that's why Uncle Charlie was so unhappy.

Duffy wasn’t fat, far from it. Charlie smiled sadly at Jake, “Will you say sorry to your mum?”

"Sorry." He mumbled as he reached out to give his mum a cuddle. He was still confused though as his mother's tummy wasn't as soft as it had been before.

Charlie caught Duffy’s eye and smiled sadly. He knew they’d have to tell the boys soon.

Peter looked from his mum to Uncle Charlie and back again. Something was definitely going on.

He was a smart kid. Of course he was always going to suss the relationship out sooner than they’d have liked.

Duffy cleared her throat. "How about we all get dressed and then we can watch a film?" She suggested anxiously, desperate to deflect attention away from the current topic of discussion.

The boys nodded, finished their breakfast and placed their breakfast bowls in the sink. “Can I pick the film?” Jake asked.

"Sure. You boys go on and get dressed first. I'll get changed after you're done." Duffy instructed.

Peter shot her a look but agreed and left with his brother.

After the boys had disappeared into the bedroom. Charlie stepped towards Duffy, “Are you ok?”

"I've been so careful around them."

“I know you have.”

"How does he know? You haven't said anything have you?"

“Sweetheart, I haven’t said anything.”

"I bet they're all talking about it at work too aren't they?

“There’s been a few comments.” He admitted.

"About me being pregnant or the fact I've had my face smashed in?" She asked bitterly.

“Both.” He sighed and reached out for her hand.

"Great. Just what I need!" She sighed. "Go on then, who's saying what?"

He squeezed her hand, “Any guesses?”

"Don't dodge the question. Tell me!" She insisted.

“Why? It’s gossip and you know I’ll gladly reprimand anyone caught gossiping in my department.”

[psychoangiethings]

The Bloodline [Roman Godfrey x Reader]

A/N: Sorry for mistakes or typos, I don’t have beta-reader so... Also for those who are interested in this story, so far I finished 10 chapters. :) Don’t worry, Roman will appear in the... fourth (?) chapter, I think. :)

Warning: Adult themes & language, murder

Other tags: Magic, friends to lovers, slow build, nightmares, witches, upirs

Summary: After  very suspicious car crash that killed both of her parents, Abigail   Wolff moves in with her aunt to Hemlock Grove only to discover a truly interesting family history which her father kept from her. As she   awakens her powers, something much older and terrifying is coming after her. Or maybe not after her at all.

Chapter 2

Masterlist

Chapter 3 - Don’t Be A Bitch About It

31st October 2016

"So, you're basically telling me I'm some kind of a freak?!" I yelled at my aunt and slammed with my mug against kitchen table. "It isn't enough that everybody thinks my father was crazy bastard and now I'm what? A-a medium? Psychotic witch or what?"

Erika rolled her eyes so hard I thought they won't come back from her skull and crossed her arms. She was leaning against the doorframe and obviously losing her patience with me. "I didn't say you're a freak. I said you're a special type of witch such as myself and your father. And if you could just calm yourself down I would tell you more."

"My dad was no such thing. I would know it!" Erika just raised her eyebrows at me.

"Would you? Really?" There were hints of tiredness and disappointment in her voice and I looked at her once more. If she was telling the truth then maybe this thing was why my father wasn't speaking to her and always got so mad about her. I opened my mouth to speak but she was turning away from me and walking away. "Think about it. Think it through and let me know," were her words before she disappeared into the house and I was left alone.

After few hours of thinking this situation thoroughly, I wasn't feeling sane. Let alone like myself and through my mind was running only one thought - I didn't know him at all. Erika told me long story short, without much details but I knew there was so much more she wasn't telling me.

I found myself sitting on a bench behind Erika's house, looking into the river and even though the sight should calm me, I felt my anger slowly rise. The consequences of my father's decision sunk in my mind. How did he dare kept it from me? My creepy birthright could be threatening but also life-saving. Not to mention I was a bit old to start to learn everything I could. Erika with my father? They were born to it. They were learning things since they could talk and walk so they could defend themselves. Me? No, my father's decision was to keep me totally blind. Like a newborn.

I was so angry! It was driving me mad. "You dick. You made those important decisions without me, then you left me! I was your daughter for fuck's sake, you were supposed to be here for me, teach me all those things I don't know about. So what do you do instead? Instead of teaching your daughter not to be lame? You get yourself killed alongside with my mother. Great job, you deserve the Dad of the year award!"

With anger slowly leaving my body, I felt unbelievable pain. I didn't realize during my monolog I was waving with my hands around me. "Fucking ribs," I moaned and sit down on the bench again. Tears prickled in my eyes but I didn't want to cry. That would include sobbing and my ribs would be hurting more.

"Are you okay?" Peter. Great, just great.

"What do you think? I'm feeling awesome." I said, irony dripping from every word and I looked at him with reddened eyes.

He carefully sat down beside me, elbows resting against his knees and looked at my mess over his shoulder. "I heard something about dad award or something. Care to explain?"

And I laughed. I laughed so hard it fucking hurt but I didn't care. Peter was looking at me like as was some kind of lunatic but it didn't matter. This was so ironic. I really doubted Erika didn't say a word but maybe he wanted to know my point of view - to take a bit of that burden off my shoulders. I didn't know. I didn't know him, but that was the beauty of it. Sometimes it's easier to talk to complete stranger than your own family. "Yeah, well. He's dead. My mum too," I said, bit of that hysterical laugh still in my voice. His eyes didn't soften as I expected.

"That happens a lot. Everybody must go there some day."

"Fair enough."

"It's a fucked up situation but don't be a bitch about it. You can't change it and sooner you realize that, the sooner it will hurt less."

Maybe I should feel offended but surprisingly I wasn't. His words made sense. My parents didn't choose to die. My dad didn't choose to kill mum. He did choose to keep supernatural world from me.

"I'm bitch about feeling I didn't know him at all."

He laughed. "Yeah, that's your fight."

"I know. And I know I'm no wolf."

Peter grinned at me and something flashed in his eyes. "We'll see about that."

×

When I came back into the house later that day, I was feeling better. I found my aunt in the basement and realized I haven't been there before. Walls were full of painted symbols I didn't understand, on shelves there were herbs with full and empty flacons. When I took a better look around myself, I found small table where mortar was placed with opened book and a knife. A bit further from this was corner full of pillows which were lying on thick carpet. It looked cozy.

Erika stood in front of a bookcase, holding some kind of grimoire. "So you came to your senses?"

"I need to know the truth." I was sure I looked like a five year old child in my home clothes, tugging my sleeve and looking around myself like Alice in Woderland. My aunt just smiled.

"I will start from the beginning, so you can sit down." I dragged myself to the 'cozy corner' (as I decided to call it in my mind) and sat down. "Magic always terrified normal people, so we were hiding who we were, who we are. Many of us rejected magic - like my brother, your father. Sometimes it ended awfully, sometimes not and sometimes... Sometimes magic found its way to younger generations of long forgotten blood." She sadly smiled at me and spread her fingers across the page the book was opened on. "There are many witches, many types. Some of them can only talk to the spirits of the dead but nothing more. Some can see pieces of the future and some can't do anything but feel the presence of supernatural. The meaning of witch isn't you only cast spells and make potions. Being a witch means knowing your history, finding balance with nature and your powers because everything you've done and will do comes from your core. Not everything is white or black and mostly you'll find yourself in grey. You and I... It's complicated so ask questions if something isn't clear enough. You and I, we are witches, yes. But not so common in our circles. You see, most witches use charms and spells. Magic blood that's flowing through their veins is harmless for other supernatural creatures. They can't use it while making potions because it has no effect. Our blood makes everything stronger and has to be given willingly or then it has the same effect as a poison."

I never noticed those little scars that marked her hands, especially her fingers. She noticed what I was looking at and smiled. "Yes, well. I don't feel it anymore, but I am much older."

"Let's say something supernatural bites me. So I'm bitten and what happens now?"

"Nothing. You would probably die."

"But you said-"

"I am well aware what I said. But unlike me or your father, you didn't undergo your Awakening. So right now? Your blood is like everybody else's. That's why I need to teach you firstly about herbs and symbols, you need to memorize some spells before Awakening. Because then? Then that thing that killed John and Susan will come for you. You would be dead the second your blood awakens. I will make some preparations, make it easier for you. But you need to learn."

I nodded weakly. "What was that thing? That night."

"Long forgotten evil not from our world. When I said we were and are hiding our powers from normal people - they aren't the true reason. Hunters, creatures who could and would harm us are the true reason." Her expression darkened as she turned her back to me and grabbed another book from one of the shelves. "Centuries ago there was a witch. She took a bigger bite than she could handle. From what I've read some of our ancestors were forced to bind a demon she summoned with our bloodline and sent him back to where he belonged."

"What happened to her?"

"She was arrogant, stupid and fell in love with darkness. It whispered about great power and she fell for it. Every supernatural creature can. That's why it's so important for us to know our history, learn from mistakes. You see it often - witch that fell in love with a good werewolf, with a vampire, with another wizard. If they are good, harmless to mortals and don't kill, it's not so big problem. If you let yourself to be used by darkness and evil? It's better to have plan B how to get rid of it before it's too late. Because then? You will be killed."

Her face had deadly serious expression and I didn't, not even for a second, doubted about her words. If you mess things up, you get yourself killed. I knew that first-handed.

[book-boys-are-my-guilty-pleasure]

Imagine: Having to leave Hogwarts during your 7th year and your boyfriend, Sirius, is not happy about it.

Request: “Hey, could you do a Sirius Black imagine? The reader (female) left hogwarts a few months ago to look after her mother because a death eater placed a curse on her. The reader comes back to hogwarts on the last week of 7th year to the marauders surprise. Sirius and reader left off at a bad not but make up (eventually after months) and everyone is finally relieved that the edgy sarcastic pair is back together” For @killthe-illusionarydreams

Warnings: A tiny bit of angst, arguments, the usual :P

A/N: Also, can we just take a moment to appreciate that gif of Ben Barnes, I’M DEAD... why haven’t I ever seen it before?! 

***Flashback***

“Miss Y/L/N,” Professor McGonagall says, walking into the Gryffindor common room, “Professor Dumbledore wishes to see you.”

Your boyfriend, Sirius Black, unravels his arms from around your waist, and you get off the couch. Sirius and the boys give you a worried glance, McGonagall never came into the common room unless it was very important.

She solemnly leads you to his office, refusing to answer your questions.

You finally get to Dumbledore’s office and refuse to sit down, and he greets you softly -too softly, something is definitely not right.

“Miss Y/L/N, as you know, the Death Eater attacks have been getting worse.”

“Yes...?” You urge him to continue, refraining from asking him ‘what the hell was going on’.

“It pains me to tell you this dear, but your mother was a victim of one of the attacks,” The moment the words leave his words, your legs give in and you drop onto the chair behind you, in shock.

“I-is she-”

“She’s alive dear,” Professor McGonagall quickly says.

You let out a sigh of relief, “However, she has been paralyzed due to the curse she was hit with.”

You jump back out of the seat at Dumbledore’s words, “I have to go home!”

“Miss Y/L/N,” McGonagall sighs, “You have four months of school left, we think it would be best for her to stay in the hospital until you graduate.”

“I-I can’t Professor, she needs me! I’m already at the top of all my classes, just let me go home, and I’ll come back for my N.E.W.T.s, please Professor! She’s my mother and she’s all I have left!”

Dumbledore solemnly nods, and you excuse yourself to go pack your trunk, you wanted to leave as soon as possible.

When you get back to the common room, the boys are waiting for you.

“Y/N!” James runs up to you, “What happened?!”

That’s when the tears finally start falling, “My mom was attacked by Death Eaters.”

You fall to the ground crying, Sirius instantly drops down next to you and holds you, and the other three sit in front of you as you explain the story. The boys all take turns trying to comfort you, and Sirius finally says, “Don’t worry Y/N, we only have a few more months left, and then you can stay with her.”

“Sirius, I’m leaving tonight.”

“What?!” His jaw drops, “Y/N, this is our last year! You can’t just leave!”

“Sirius, this is my mother!”

“So you’re just leaving?” Throughout your relationship you two were very sassy and snappy with each other, and you could tell how much he was trying to stop that side of him from coming out.

“She’s my mother and she can’t move!” You’re getting irritated at this point, you know he’s worried about you having to retake the year. You two had your whole future planned out together, and you both knew that if you had to redo your seventh year, everything would change, but he couldn’t understand what you were going through.

“I know love,” He takes your hands in his, “But the hospital will take care of her until you’re done.”

“Like they did my dad?!” You snap.

He shuts his eyes, “Y/N... you know I didn’t mean that!”

“You know what Sirius,” You say, your anger towards the Death Eaters coming out at him, “You’d never understand what feel like to care about your mother!” The moment the words leave your mouth, you regret it.

He just stares at you, mouth agape, he looks genuinely hurt, but instead of yelling at you, as he’d normally do, he just walk away, “Sirius! Wait, don’t! I-”

Knowing that you had to leave now, you just walked up to your dorm to pack your things.

When you return with your trunk, the boys just stare at you sadly, “He hasn’t come down has he?”

Peter shakes his head, and Remus finally breaks the awkward tension by pulling you into a hug, “You need to do this Y/N, we understand.”

“Thank you Rem,” You whisper. You pull away from him and hug James and Peter, bidding them all your goodbyes.

***End Flashback***

It was the weekend before final exams week at Hogwarts, your mom had gotten a lot better and had begun to adjust to her new life, so you were up in your room, packing your things.

Once you finish, you make your way to the dining room for dinner, “Promise you’ll take care of yourself mum?”

She laughs, “I promise love. I also promise that I’ll be at your graduation ceremony.”

“You don’t have to do that mum!” You reassure her for the hundredth time, “I’ll manage!”

“I wouldn’t miss that for the world!”

Professor Dumbledore had arranged for you to use Floo Powder to get from your house to his office, so you were standing in the fireplace with your trunk. Before you continued, your mom smiled up at you and asked you to take her hand, “I’m so proud of you my love, and I know your dad would be too!”

“I love you mom. Take care of yourself.”

“I will dear, I love you too.”

You tossed the powder in your hand and said, “Hogwart’s Headmasters’ Tower.”

“Ah, Miss Y/L/N,” Dumbledore says, getting off his seat, “We’ve been waiting for you. As you know, N.E.W.T.s don’t start for two more days, so I’d advise you to talk to the teachers and study with your fellow classmates.”

“Yes, thank you professor.”

You leave his office and take a deep breath, bracing yourself to see Sirius again. You had sent him a letter, apologizing, but you never got a response. It broke your heart because you had never loved someone as much you did Sirius, but you knew that no one had ever hurt him as bad as you did.  

When you got to the common room, Lily and Alice ran up to you, surprised to see you back. You didn’t have the chance to tell your dorm mates when you left, so they didn’t expect to see you here.

“Y/N!” Alice said, pulling you into a hug, “What are you doing back? How are you? How’s your mum? Remus told us what happened. I’m so sorry love!”

You laughed at your friend’s eager attitude, “One question at a time Ali,” Lily chuckled, “No but really, how’s your mom Y/N?”

“She’s finally getting used to the wheelchair, but her spirits are high, as always,” You smile. Lily pats your shoulder reassuringly, “Are the boys up in their dorm?”

Lily nods, “James wasn’t feeling great today so he decided to call it a night early, and the others went up with him. You should go up there; they’ve been missing you so much lately.”

You nod and nervously make your way to their dorm. You do the secret knock the five of you had made up back in your second year, and you hear the boys yell out in surprise from behind the door, which whips open seconds later.

“Y/N!” They all cheer in unison -all except Sirius.

One by one, they pull you into welcoming hugs, “Did my notes make sense Y/N?”

“Yes! Thank you so much Rem, I don’t know what I could have done without you!”

“How’s your mom Y/N?” Peter asks sweetly.

“She’s better now,” You don’t pay much attention to any of their questions, all you can think about is Sirius, who sits on his bed solemnly.  

You finally sigh and push past them; you sit on Sirius’ bed and gently place you hand over his, “I’m sorry...”

The boys exchange a glance and leave you two alone to sort things out.

Sirius sits in silence for a moment before shutting his eyes, “So am I. I shouldn’t have made you feel bad about leaving us, especially considering what you were going through.”

“I had no right to say what I said to you.” You move closer to him, and he actually takes your hand into his.

You both fall into silence again, until Sirius finally breaks it, “I missed you so much Y/N.”

“I-I missed you too,” You say, your voice breaking midway. He instantly pulls you into his arms and you bury your head into his neck, taking in his scent and letting a few tears fall. You stay in that position for a while, just enjoying each others’ presence.

The boys eventually come back into the room, and you fall into a peaceful sleep in their dormitory.

The next few days pass by quickly, and before you knew it, you were getting ready for graduation.

You stood by the Marauders, waiting to make your way to the stage, “We’re so glad that you came back in time for this Y/N,” Remus smiles.  

“Yeah, Sirius wasn’t the same without you here,” James adds, elbowing Sirius in the side.

At the end of the ceremony, teary-eyed James turns to you, “I guess this is it.”

“I guess so,” Sirius responds bitter-sweetly.

The five of you huddle for a group hug and as the tears fall you whisper in unison, “Mischief managed.”

End.

Masterlist // Rules List // To-Do List

Forever Tags: @nekodemon73 @2toastersbang @beahippie23 @addie-baby

Harry Potter Tags: @eisa-111  @theunwantedwriter

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Two

Ginny slams the door to the sixth years boys dormitories, making Ron jump.

“Have you seen her? Hermione?” He questions, sounding a little broken hearted.

“Don’t do that,” she scathes, “don’t decide now to care.”

A look of hurt washes over him and for a moment the youngest Weasley wishes she could take it back.

“I’ve always cared! Don’t act like I haven’t!” His voice is growing angry.

“Alright then Ronald,” she sounds just like Molly, it makes him shiver, “if you care so much, then where were you when Lav-Lav called Hermione a fat cow last week!”

He didn’t know about that.

“Or that Hermione practically lives in the common room!”

Okay, that one he heard about. He thought it was a lie. Ron even asked Harry, who just shrugged, but in Harry’s defense, he asked while the black haired boy had been looking over the map. So in other words, Harry probably wasn’t even listening.

“Or when Cormac McLaggan groped her after Slughorn’s this weekend! Tore her dress and all!”

That one, he definitely did not know about.

Scrunching a fist, he began making a move for the door, until Ginny blocked his path.

“Move.” He spat.

“Where are you going?” She retorted.

“To kill McLaggen!” He exclaimed seriously.

She rolled her eyes, “don’t bother, Fred and George already helped out with that.”

He shrinks back, “they’re not even at Hogwarts, how’d they know?”

She scoffs, “goes to show how little you care, huh?” Ginny said nastily.

Feeling even more awful then before, if possible, Ron clambered to sit on the edge of his bed.

“I swear Gin, I didn’t know about that. If I did, I would’ve,” he began angrily

Sighing, she stepped over and sat next to him, “I know Ron. I know you care, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s alright, I suppose I deserved it. I didn’t even know about that stuff, so you’re right, says a lot about me.”

Guilt was beginning to seep its way into the back of Ginny’s head. Tears stung her eyes.

“I have to tell you something.” her voice shook.

Ron looked over to her worriedly, Ginny rarely cried.

“I lied to you, that day in the hallway with Dean. I lied.” She confessed.

“What?” He feels like a dementors trying to suck his soul.

“Hermione and Viktor Krum... they never snogged.” She clarified, though Ron could sense she already knew what was coming.

He stood up, clearly ready to yell, before she stopped him, “he kissed her, but Hermione didn’t want him to.” She began.

“Did he...” Ron asked, fists clenching.

“No,” she assured quickly, “nothing like that, he went in and pecked her and she was taken off guard. When he tried again she told him she couldn’t. That there was someone else.”

“Someone else.” He repeats a surge of hope growing inside him, “me?” He dares to question. Feeling a little full of himself for it after.

This was Viktor ruddy Krum they were talking about here. Anyone who picks him, Ron Weasley, over the Bulgarian seeker must be mental.

And just like that, Ginny’s annoyed with him again, “yes Ron, you. Blokes are daft but you give a whole new meaning to the word.”

“Did she tell you that? That it was me?” He knows he sounds pathetic.

“She didn’t have to,” Ginny starts quickly, like it meant nothing, even though to her brother, it was everything, “that’s beside the point. Look, I’m telling you I’m sorry, what I did was wrong, but what you did, what you’re doing, isn’t right either.” She throws his way.

He bows his head, “yeah, your right, I didn’t mean those things about you, you know, getting around and whatnot. It’s just you’re my little sister Gin, it’s kinda hard to see you grow up, makes me feel like I have to do the same.”

Ginny offers a tight lipped smile, “thanks Ron, really, but I wasn’t talking about that.” Her voice is a little softer, “you know what I was talking about.”

He groans. Of course he knew what she really met. Part of him wanted to apologize to his little sister, but another part was avoiding the inevitable.

“I’m not saying you’re not entitled to date anyone, but we both know how wrong it is. You did it just hurt Hermione and you liked hurting her!” Her voice was growing louder.

He stood a little taller, “Oi Ginny! Don’t you ever tell me something like that again! Ever!”

She stepped closer, “it’s true isn’t it? Admit it!” The girl demanded.

“At first it felt good, I felt wanted!” He yelled before he could help himself, a look of disgust coming over his sisters face “I’m not proud of it,” Ron’s tone dropped, “I swear I only felt it for a second. Only after that snog after the match, now, now I feel like the biggest arse on the planet. I swear Ginny, I didn’t know about all that stuff, about the common room, about Lavender, McLaggen.” He barely got out.

“I know you didn’t Ron,” her tone matches his, “but that’s the problem isn’t it? Even if you didn’t feel anything like that for Hermione, she’s still supposed to be your best mate.” Ginny reminds.

He flops back onto the bed. He knows he fucked up. He known it from the moment he saw Hermione’s face that night of the Slytherin match. It was just a lot to take in because someone finally called him out on it rather than dancing around it like Harry and his roommates had been.

“I’ve gotta break up with Lavender.” He states.

Ginny let’s out a humorless laugh.

“I’ve been trying for weeks Ginny, I swear, she makes it bloody hard, can never get a word in with her.” Ron groans.

“You better. If you don’t Fred and George will take the mickey out of you all holiday.” She decides to go easy on him.

At this statement Ron feels a chill run up his spine. He thinks if he’s the center of Lavender taunts for the next few weeks he’ll have to jump off his broom.

They’re silent for a few moment, each reflecting on what just transpired.

Ron speaks first, “I know it’s wrong,” he starts with a gulp, “but I do feel that you know. I do think I lo,”

He’s cut off when the door swings open, causing the pair of siblings to jump to their feet.

“Neville!” Ginny exclaims, she forgot all about Harry’s plan for them.

He keeps over, grasping his knees, “give me a minute.” He gasps.

The red head rolls her eyes, “just tell me where to go. I can’t have you passing out, now can I?”

The brunette smiles gratefully, stepping aside for Ginny to go.

“Where is she?” She asks halfway to the door.

They glance at Ron’s awaiting eyes. The youngest Weasley leans over to Neville, beckoning him to whisper in her ear.

Once he does, she steps back, “I know my way, make sure he doesn’t go anywhere.” She tells lowly, a little worried whether if Neville will be able to contain her brother.

If either boy says anything, she doesn’t hear. Ginny’s running on the path to the potions stock closet, ducking behind a nearby tapestry she knows leads to that particular corridor.

Just as she approaches her destination, she notes the door cracked a little as voices float from it.

“I’ll just stay here. I can’t go.” She hears Hermione’s voice admit sadly.

“Can’t go where?” She asks before she can help herself, barging into the room.

The sight of Ginny makes Hermione sink further into Harry as the tears come again. It’s silly really, but part of her hoped it was Ron. The fact that he didn’t come solidifies how much has changed.

The curly haired witch doesn’t realize, but silently Harry passes over the piece of parchment as means to fill Ginny in.

She reads the letter with wide eyes. Once she takes in the last line, she can infer what Hermione meant when she first came in.

Ginny slouched to the other side of Hermione, “I’m so sorry about your grandma, you’re pretty close yeah?” She chooses to leave out the fact she knew this information from Ron.

Sadly, Hermione nods as she turns to rest her head on Ginny’s shoulder, welcoming the embrace.

After a few more minutes of crying, the brunette girls breathing slows and Ginny takes it as her opportunity to speak, “you can still come to the Burrow of course.”

“Ginny,” it’s Harry who scolds her.

Hermione lifts her head from the girls shoulder to look her in the eyes, expecting to see mischief behind them. Instead, she seems rather genuine.

“Harry,” she mocks his tone, “I am not letting Hermione stay at Hogwarts for holiday, alright?” The ginger turns back to her friend, “Hermione it seems as if everyone’s forgotten,” her eyes flick to Harry, “but the Burrow is just as much my house as it is Ron’s and you’re just as much my friend as you are his.”

Probably even more so as of late.

She sucks in a jittery breath and shakes her head, “I can’t impose really, they wouldn’t even be expecting me.” Hermione tries, not particularly wanting to bring him into it.

“I never told Mum you weren’t coming. It didn’t feel like my place, Merlin knows Ron doesn’t write home, so as far as they know you’re coming. They’re more excited to see you than Phlegm anyway.”

She manages a small chuckle at this before asking what everyone else is surely thinking, “but what about Ron?” She’s avoided speaking his name for weeks, it feels foreign on her tongue.

“I’ll talk to Ron.” They’re both surprised that it’s Harry who says it.

“I reckon he’ll be happy about it anyway. Maybe you two can finally talk.” Ginny comments what she hopes is casually. After her talk with her brother today, she knows not all hope is lost.

At this Hermione let’s out a small scoff in between hiccups.

“Just trust me Hermione,” The ginger says, “anyway, I don’t know about you, but I don’t fancy being caught and accused of stealing something in here.” She says standing.

Holding out her hands, Hermione takes them as she helps her up, Harry doing the same with a hand firmly pressed to her back.

They all begin to leave, ushering Hermione as they go. Ginny still holds one of her hands, Harry’s resting between her shoulders.

Then she stops.

“Is,” she can’t even get it out, “is Lavender going to be there?”

Ginny looks horrified and makes a noise of disgust, “Merlin no! I’d rather spend Christmas with the Malfoy’s!” She exclaims making gagging noises.

This illicits a small laugh from both Harry and Hermione.

They all fall into pace again, “you can use Hedwig to owl your parents Hermione, I’ll talk to Ron and find you after. Common room, yeah?” He asks as they near the portrait hole.

She nods solemnly as they part ways.

...

“Is she alright? Is everything okay?” Ron jumps from where he was sitting on his bed as Harry swings the door open.

He looks startled, the chosen one didn’t even have a moment to breathe before being bombarded with questions.

“I reckon I have the same questions mate.” Neville calls from where he's reading on his bed.

“She’s not hurt I guess, not psychically.” Harry shrugs lamely.

Neville places his book down. Ron looks as if he’s about to explode.

“It’s her grandma she’s ill, Hermione’s parents have sent word they’re going to France to make sure she’s comfortable, you know if...” he starts sadly.

Neville’s chest tightens for Hermione. He can’t imagine if that was his Gran.

Ron’s heart also breaks a little. He knows how close the two of them are.

“They also told her they didn’t want her to come, to see her like that, so some arrangements have been made.” He begins, bracing himself for what’s to come.

“Arrangements?” Ron asks eagerly.

Harry nods, “yeah, she’s uh, well she’s going to spend holiday at the Burrow.” He says it quickly.

Neville let’s his book roll to the ground with a thud, as he scrambles from his bed. “I’m just gonna go check on Hermione.” He squeaks, hurrying from the room.

“Ron.” Harry turns to face him tentatively.

“Brilliant.” Ron says.

Harry’s shocked to find no sarcasm in his tone. Instead, he’s wearing a lopsided grin.

“What?” The Boy-Who-Lived asks confused.

Ron stands happily, “well it’s brilliant! We’re sure to get all sorted if we’re gonna be in the same house for weeks. No library to run to. No lessons to go to. And bonus, the stairs at the Burrow won’t move if I try to get into her room.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Harry says again, taking in this information

“I don’t really get what’s so confusing mate.”

Harry looks like he wants to say something but doesn’t know how. Ron encourages him with a wave of his hand.

“It’s just that, look, I don’t wanna be the one to say it, but somebodies got to! I don’t think that, well, the thing is,” he doesn’t even know what he’s saying. He’s been doing his best to not interfere with whatever Ron does for weeks, “Lavender!” He settles for out of breath.

Surprisingly, Ron let’s out a chuckle at his friends word vomit, “you’re a little late to that one mate. I’m gonna chuck Lavender before we leave.”

“We leave tomorrow.” Harry reminds.

He cringes, he forgot about that, “right, well, I’ve been trying to do it for weeks, honest, but Ginny’s really made me realize what an arse I’ve been.” Ron drops his voice down, tone turning serious, “why didn’t you tell me about McLaggen?” His tones hurt.

Harry sighs, fiddling uncomfortably with the end of his shirt, “she didn’t want anyone to know. Neville was the one who found her and Ginny, Luna, and I had already been looking.” He informed.

“Come on Harry, I had a right, didn’t I?” He needed the reassurance. Part of him was unsure whether he still had the right to know.

Harry shrugs, “McLaggen’s been dealt with, you should be more worried about Lavender. Hermione’s taken to sleeping in the common room, she’s been awful to her.”

Doing his best not get angry, he responds, “I asked you if that were true two weeks ago, you shrugged.”

The chosen one looks apologetic, “I’m sorry Ron, I don’t remember that, honest.”

Weasley nods, he knew Harry wasn’t paying attention when he asked, and Ron never bothered bringing it up again, “what has Lavender been saying?”

This is the second time someone’s brought it to his attention. Not to mention, before he was running away from the blonde, she’d often mercilessly tease Hermione, which he’d always got upset at her for.

“I don’t think it’s my place to say. I’ve heard a few of my own though, in the halls, in class, in the common room.” Potter says.

“Can you at least tell me what you’ve heard?” He hopes he doesn’t sound as desperate as he feels.

“Hermione Stranger, that’s a favorite,” Ron cringes, he knows that’s a taunt she got before she came to Hogwarts, “it’s usually about how she looks, how she’s weird, or about,” he stops.

“About what?” He probes.

“About how you don’t want her. How you never would, Lavender tells her she’s too ugly, too strange.”

“Rubbish!” He exclaims.

“I know,” Harry soothes, “but it doesn’t really look that way, does it?” He points out.

Falling onto his bed in frustration for the umpteenth time that day, Ron groans.

“Ginny lied, did you know?” He started, “about Krum.”

Harry has witnessed the fight. He knew just how ugly the words and accusations were.

“What?” He asked shocked, he knew that row was what started this whole Lavender business. He wasn’t that daft.

“Yeah, turns out that git tried to kiss her at the ball, she told him there was someone else though.”

“Oh, wow.” Harry says, sounding winded. He knew as well as Ron that this changes everything.

“Right tosser aren’t I? Mione had some self control at the ripe age fourteen,” it felt nice to let the nickname slip after so long, “I’m gonna be seventeen soon and I can’t even break up with my,” the word girlfriend felt wrong at the moment, “with Lavender.”

“Ron,” Harry begins, a little unsure of what he’s gonna say, until like before, Neville intrudes on the moment.

“How is she?” Ron asks sitting up.

“She’s upset Ginny took her to Pomfrey. She’ll have a sleeping draught and a bed to sleep in. It’ll be a nice change from the couch,” he catches himself, “uh I mean, her couch bed, yeah, you know how she uh, talks about her bed, like a couch. Just an expression you know.”

“He knows Neville.” Harry interjects.

“Oh.”

Ron still feels horrible about it.

“Alright.” Is all Ron says, getting up to wipe his trousers and heading for the door.

“Where are you going?” Neville questions as Seamus and Dean saunter in.

“To break up with Lavender.” He states like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Someone finally realized they broke Granger’s heart.” Seamus comments.

Now that Ron’s mentioned it, it’s like the floodgates have opened.

Dean elbows him in the ribs, making the irish wizard yelp.

“No can do Ron, it’ll have to wait till tomorrow. It’s curfew.” Dean points out.

“I’m a prefect.” He retorts.

Dean shakes his head again, as much as he wanted Ron to break it off, he couldn’t right now, it wasn’t possible. “I don’t think the staircase cares that you’re a prefect.” He claps him on the shoulder with a sympathetic smile.

“Bloody effing stairs.” Ron curses. He’s also pissed he couldn’t go to the common room and at least apologize to Hermione about her grandma.

“Wait so he does care about something!” Seamus exclaims with mock excitement.

“Shut up Seamus.” Ron bites.

“Well everyone in here knows I’m right? You’ve been walking around for weeks caring less if dear old Hermione was miserable. And there’s no way you didn’t know! Even the Creevey’s picked up on it.” He bellowed.

Ron was getting annoyed, everyone kept insisting he could care less about Hermione when that was far from the truth.

He walked over to Seamus before Dean stood in between them, “let’s just all go to bed yeah?”

The ginger and the shorter brunette stared each other down for a few moments before both admitted defeat.

“Goodnight.” Neville called out as the lights dimmed, enveloping the room into black.

“Night.” Harry called, shoveling under his blankets to cast a ‘lumos’ and watch the map.

Ron and Dean chorused a goodnight, the latter sounding more cheery than the former.

“Goodnight boys,” he paused, “goodnight Hermione.” He said with a drawl.

Ron threw his sheets back before taking a deep breath and calming himself down. By tomorrow he would be on the right path to fix this.

By tomorrow him and Lavender would be done.

[typing-dreams]

back to the start

so I really love this little profile I have. I think I have 20 followers top, and thank goodness no one that I know in real life. I can write in English without feeling a know-it-all because it’s not my first language. for some reason, writing in some other language when it’s not your first one seems snobbish and fake. but, truth is, I love writing in English. it makes me think twice about what I am writing. also, since I am studying totally in English, it just feels natural. anywhere else this would have come across as snobbish, fake, and again, back to the know-it-all.

it must be a pretty stressful period for me if I am just vomiting words in English. I must be struggling a lot, so much in fact that I feel the need to switch to another language and just write down some thoughts, because honestly, they are becoming too much. or too many, it depends on the point of view I suppose. that phrase was too long, should have stopped somewhere there. oh well. 

what feels so heavy? what is that too much? in Italian we have this little saying that I love: the drop that made the vase overflow. it is just so powerful. 

let’s proceed with some semblance order, shall we?

last week, this guy I barely knew from our local volleyball community (which is part of the max championship in Italy for volleyball, but still, since soccer exists, it feels like neighbourhood even if the other team is thousands of kilometres apart. BUT I will not start ranting about that now, and here). again, this guy I barely exchanged two words with answers my instagram story. I answered laughing, because really, it was the only possible way, and he writes again. I don’t remember about what, but it doesn’t matter. no, what matters is that then he wrote again. and again. it went on the whole morning, from work, to lunch, to uni, to home. at the end of the day he bid me goodnight. 

two noticeable things here. 

1. I usually tire pretty fast if I’m talking about nonsense. always been a pragmatic girl, if we talk it must be about something. and the fact that I don’t remember a single world about it, other than HE gave me his phone number and HE carried on with the chat, proves that it was, in fact, chat about non sense. idle things, little nothings, so many ways to paraphrase this, I love writing in English.

2. let me ask this as a question: do you usually bid goodnight to people you just met? I’ll answer honestly: yes, if it’s late enough and we’re tired and the conversation led to that. it did. goodnight, no kisses, no smiles, just that. what’s strange then? nothing, for now.

but going on, the following morning I wake up with a good morning. and a reference to the instagram story that started it all. and the conversation began again. bla bla blas really. I don’t grow tired of it, which when I stop for a second and think about it strucks me as strange, but hey, maybe finally... evidently, it must be the same for him, because he writes of everything and anything. what did he have for lunch, was the salad good and what was the lesson about? he bids me goodnight that night too. and good morning, and goodnight, and goodmorning and...

“what do you say? should we grab a bite somewhere? when you’re free?”

this was the third day. he mentioned something about coming to my grans to steal a bit of cake, it was my fathers birthday, but not seriously. that question was just that, but a question it was. almost shy, and it felt like a wind of spring (don't think this exists in English, “ventata di primavera”, Italian, a bit of freshness to put it simply)

crap, I must accelerate, dinners almost ready.

ok, so, I sort of avoid answering that question, mainly because it seemed too much and too soon for my standards, but also because apparently, we were both busy people, and there was no space to meet until next week. and the conversation goes on and on, so much so that I tell my mother. I’m usually pretty enthusiastic when these things happen, it’s just that good feeling that I get to feel sadly very rarely. but, this time, even my imagination wanted to be careful, to go slowly. please let this not be another asshole. I have started cataloguing those assholes per month.(with my friends, we call them human cases, but I don’t know if it makes sense in English. basically they are assholes, but with many different problems too, usually in their head. nobody’s perfect, definitely not me, but it’s like I have a radar to detect the worst ones out there.)

anyway, stop digressing, he mentions going out daily, but not insistently, and then, the genius. you see, we have two friends in common. one is my best friends, and she comes to the sport place where the volley matches are so the guy and her know each other. but he also knows my best friend’s boyfriend, so it came naturally to organise dinner with them included in the equation. it made me feel a lot better, because the first time alone... it’s not my forte let’s just leave it at that. great, so on with the conversation, not so smoothly because really, it looks like he’s not interested in anything other than soccer. no Harry Potter, no marvel, no books, no movies, no music. apparently he works and he plays soccer. stop. but I tell myself not to worry, because the topics will come, we will create them without even noticing. fast forward to Tuesday, the day before the dinner. I was at uni, law lesson (yeey) when he writes me: I have to ask you something, when do you get out of there? suuuuure man, no anxiety here eh? don’t worry, nothing serious, it’s just a long thing and I didn't want to distract you. nice. pity that lessons have a break, I inform him of such, and he starts writing.

it goes like this, pretty much

- ok so it may seem trivial but just answer “yes” or “no”, it’s just for me, forgive me in advance

(again, I’m not a ball of anxiety, nooo) so I tell him to just ask because I’m starting to get nervous. and here he goes

- I just wanted to understand what this dinner means to you, you know, if there is a second meaning behind. 

stop. here is where I remind you, that HE did it ALL. he started everything, from the very beginning. My mind starts spinning around trying to see where I went wrong, where was the mistake, because really, the change was so abrupt that I had a neck-hake. so I ask him what it means a second meaning? of course we are not going out like after a match, (YOU HAVE BEEN FREAKING WRITNG ME FOR A WEEK FOR GODS SAKE), we are going out to get to know each other. why are you asking this?

- just wanted to clarify that I’m not looking for anything more than being friends really. 

now, I must point out that I tend to vomit words when I’m upset (really? did I need to specify given what you are reading? no), and god, was I upset. he writes me, he asks me out, he organises and HE FRIEND-ZONES me even before we officially see each other for the first time. what the hell. so I send an audio that perfectly shows that I’m upset, tells him I have to go back to lesson, answer “ok” to a question I don't even read and proceed to ignore him.

I ask for the opinion of 4 girls, those people that are a jewel and I couldn’t live without them seriously so I have the desperate need to see what they think about it. all of the answer, in less mild tones: well, he is very much confused. add insult here and there. more or less everywhere. I love my friends. 

but then my mum comes. I cannot hide a single thought from her. she just seed through, it’s always been like this. so I vomit again all the conversation, and what happens?

she hugs me and confronts me. 

she starts telling me that I lash out, that I get angry and upset too easily, that I keep everyone out. the problem with my mother is that she tells the right things (it is true, I know my faults, they are plenty and these are certainly included and spot on) but she tells them in the wrong way. and she repeats the concept. and before I know it, I am crying, the ugly crying, because really, it was the last thing I wanted to do, and she goes on and on in listing out why I am wrong. 

ten minutes after my mind is a circle of those faults, I just am damaged. I am a wrong girl, with a stone instead of a heart, with no kindness in my blood. let’s be clear, she didn't tell me this. but she told me those above, and these are just a natural continuation. 

now you’re exaggerating, you’ll tell me. well, no, not really, because my last boyfriend was when I was 13, then high school started, I got fat, and I was wrong because of that. when I got less fat, I didn't want to go out, because obviously in my mind I was still too fat for that, so all the first three years of high school are out of the window. (for those not Italians, that means from 14 to 16/17). And she is always there, not telling me once that I was pretty. I was a teenager, my mind was a very dark place, I was surrounded by black. 

By miracle, I came out of it, sort of, when I changed swimming group. there I met a guy that I had a crush on for two years straight. is it a crush if it lasts so long? I don’t think so, but I refuse to think it was more. so a crush it was. the problem is, when he leads you on, and then goes back. on, back. on, back. and one night, at two in the morning, he has the brilliant idea to inform you that he has a girlfriend. IN FREAKING TURKEY. he met her in Cambridge last summer, they were trying the long distance. not a chance, but here go two years of my life. 

so hearing my mother saying those things, goodness did it hurt. I never cry. never. I can count the times I cried since I was 10 on one hand. three of them were because of my mother. fat, asocial, stone-hearted. 

how did it end? we got out, had fun, nothing special but nothing unpleasant either, and since his request was “just friends” I bid him goodbye with my hand. you know the little emoji, that one. 

the following morning doesn’t write, so for lunch, for the first time, I start, by asking him if he’s alive. yes he is, struggling to get the hamburger to stay down, pretty busy. the end. 

so here I am, three days after, in need to process everything, because really, I didn’t want him to be the asshole of may, but apparently he is. and now my mind feels a bit lighter, finally, even with finals coming up and the fight with my mother still in the air. 

I am damaged, I know I am. my family history for what concerns relationship has very few success, a lot of failure, so I am quite resigned. but maybe I am still hoping (god knows how, because I certainly don’t) for someone to see something else, something more than a heart of stone. so if someone hears this wish, since my “name” is typing-dreams, please please please...

[punkscowardschampions]

Bea & Ro

Surprisingly productive argument/turned actual conversation, about Drew, Ro’s self-loathing, sister issues and their parents/going to London soul-searching.

Bea: Back with him then? I thought you'd learned your lesson (finally) last time...Well? Ro joined the chat 3 hours ago Ro: Yes, it was rather unexpected, and sudden I suppose, hence I didn't get a chance to let you know individually Ro: Well, actually I have learned a lot. As has Drew. Bea: That's always good, rushing into commitments, being at his beck and call... Bea: And obviously he has, how else would he deceive you, again. Got to have new tricks. For goodness sake! Bea: What does he actually do with his time, Ro? What do you think? He isn't in Schooling, fine, but where's his REAL job? Bea: What are you getting out of this? Except heart-ache and being made to look a fool at the end of it, every month or so Bea: I thought you were in a good place? Ro: That isn't at all what I meant. There was a lot going on with my birthday celebrations and everything as you yourself know. Ro: Oh Bea that's just uncalled for! He's changed and with is finally being more truthful with me. Ro: I thought you, out of everyone, would understand standing on your own two feet and making a living for yourself your own way. He didn't enjoy school but he's using the skills he has to support himself Ro: What is so wrong with that? Ro: I am in a good place now. With him. He loves me. What more could there be to get 'out of it' Bea: Wait, he didn't try all this AFTER you read the letter, did he? Bea: It's always an emotional time for you, regardless if it was before or after anyway; it's wrong for him to exploit that for his own gain Bea: No, he hasn't! If he had, he'd leave you alone, or at least let you come back to him. He hasn't changed at all. Bea: So tell me what he does, if it's so admirable, tell me right now what you think he does, what has him out all the odd hours Bea: I, out of everyone, know where dealing in the things he does, can get you. You don't remember what it was like for Tess and Fearghal back then, you were too young, but they've told enough war stories for you to know better! I know you do, so why are you choosing to ignore what you know to be true for his sake? Bea: He isn't worth it. For God's sake, being associated with him could risk your career before its even began. Is that what you want? Think on! Bea: Oh, Ro. There is so much more than those words, even when they're not empty. Ro: Why must you take something so nice and twist it into something HORRIBLE! I hadn't even opened your gift when Drew and I reconciled. Mum and dad have nothing to do with this and he would never do anything to involve them after everything he has been through with his own family. Ro: You don't know anything about him. Or us. You barely know me. Ro: He does all kinds of things, odd jobs, fetching and carrying for people that sort of thing. I didn't need all the ins and outs because I trust him and honestly it hardly matters if you don't. Ro: I've also been told enough stories to understand that people deserve second chances, as have you. He isn't as lucky as I was. He remembers every struggle before Caleb's family took him in and he does what he has to do to make sure he and Meena will have a future whatever happens next. I can't blame him for that and you shouldn't. Self reliance is the opposite of a risk and I'm proud and lucky to know him, thank you very much. Ro: You clearly have no idea what he's worth so you'll excuse me if I don't bow to your 'wisdom' on the subject. Ro: Besides, it's my career. Not yours. You've made your own choices why can't you let me make mine? Ro: How can you say that Bea! You live by them. Fraze is everything to you and you've never listened to a word against him, have you? Bea: You're just seeing it as it actually was, and not through rose-tinted fairyland glasses. Bea: I know enough. More than you, as you continue to choose ignorance over swallowing the bitter pill and moving the fuck on. Bea: And there is no 'us' as in 'you and him'. There never will be because that is not what he wants from you. Bea: You are ridiculous. This is not 1950s America in a cheesy movie...He isn't a fucking boy scout doing bob-a-job. Listen to how stupid you sound, for what? He doesn't defend you, or do anything that inconveniences him, in fact, for you. Its one-sided and unfair and you deserve better, I know you think otherwise, and that you won't get better but its true, and possible. Bea: Boo fucking hoo. He doesn't get to use his sad backstory to be a criminal. All that will happen is that he'll end up in jail, leaving his wittle sister alone. And Meena will be just fine without him, because she's got a fucking brain in her head. God, I wish I could say the same for you. Bea: I don't care to know any more about him that is plainly evident for all to see. You're not going to get a doctorate for giving a shit about him. He isn't special. He's not intriguing. He's a waste of your time and energies. Bea: Don't even bother going to Cambridge if you're going to throw it all away on him. Save the country the debt, get yourself knocked up now and waste away waiting for him to love you back. Bea: Because we have common interests, goals, and you know, we make each other's lives better by being in them? And we've always both been willing to put our money where our mouth is, in terms of love and working together to get what we want and need. So please, don't ever try and compare this teenage infatuation of yours to my relationship with Fraze again, it is just laughable in the saddest way. Ro: Stop. You don't know half as much as you think you do and frankly what information you're working with isn't correct anymore if it ever has been. You're the one being ridiculous, not me. Ro: Not to mention judgmental! You don't get to tell him how to act or what his future may or may not be because you aren't a monopoly on tragedy. Ro: I wish you'd stop pretending to have any stake in my own future either. It isn't so and I'm not going to do as you say just because you say it. Not that it's any of your business but getting pregnant is the last thing I intend to do but if I did it has nothing to do with you and there is no reason I'd have to choose regardless. You didn't and Ali isn't. Ro: I've already told you he does love me and he does make my life better but since you clearly need to hear it, we also have plenty of things in common. Bea: No, I won't. Because someone needs to tell you, and it will go in. And one day, you will see sense. Bea: Yeah my judgment is the least of his worries, try the judgment of the fucking law because did you forget, its illegal? Bea: He's a moron, everyone in Dublin knows he's dealing, he'll be lucky if the police find him before rivals do and break his fucking kneecaps. Bea: I do, I'm your sister, you don't have to like it for it to be reality, you can't write me out of your fucking fairytale, Ro. And if you want anything to do with your niece or nephew, I'd reconsider the path you're going down because fat chance I'm letting them near that scum, or near you when you're behaving so irrationally. Bea: All you have in common is co-dependency on toxicity and fucking up your lives and your poor attempt at trauma-bonding. What fun! Ro: We're sisters when it suits you, Bea. I'd be surprised you have time for this conversation except I'm well versed in the fact that you live to berate me. I thought things were getting better between us but apparently I'm wrong about that above all. Since we've come to what is really, and consistently, the heart of the issue once again, I won't try and change your mind or apologise, once more, for not being good enough for you. I'd hate to sound even more like an irrational teenager when you read back this conversation to bask in your superiority. Ro: What's fun are these constant fights and reminders of what a failure you believe I am. Ro: If you don't want me around Nancy and Buster then fine, they are your children. I don't feel the need to tell you what to do or you're doing wrong. Bea: So you want me to leave you alone? But are also so sad about the fact I'm never there for you? Sounds like someone's confused! Unsurprising when you believe lies and won't see or hear anything real. Bea: And I haven't berated you, I've berated him; you are not one. Which is the real heart of the issue, you taking responsibility for and internalising all his bullshit. Bea: And I have bad news for you on that front, except you sound like what you are, a child. Bea: I've never been ashamed of you. Until now. Bea: You won't be in and out of their life when it suits you, just an Auntie when he leaves you, AGAIN. So, you've made your choice. I sincerely hope you can live with it. Goodbye, and good luck, Ro. Ro: I must take after you what with you contradicting yourself so heavily. If Drew and I aren't one, as you're so keen to stress then why are you so quick to try and tell me that I'm not separate from his choices or mistakes. Ro: Sadly you're too late as well because I'm not a child anymore. However my relationship continues or ends I'm living my own life. I didn't expect to have to do so without you but I fine. Ro: As for the kids, I wouldn't do that when I know how much it hurts. Ro: For the record though, this is the choice you made. It's been forced upon me but I guess I will have to live with it all the same. Bea: No, Ro. You chose to make the wrong decision. Bea: You love getting a chance to be the victim. Well, be his victim. But you're not mine, you did this to yourself, I gave you the choice. Ro: There shouldn't have even been a decision to be made but you need me to be wrong so badly don't you? In every way you can. Forgive me for being sick of it. Ro: No Bea, you love me to be a victim so you can heap your scorn on me. It's not the same thing. Just like a choice isn't the same as a ultimatum which is what you've thrown at me. Bea: No, I need you to fucking love yourself! Maybe you're sick of feeling wrong, feeling like you're never enough. That is coming from you and you alone, so don't you dare try to push your self-loathing onto me and say that's how I feel about you, because it isn't, never has been, and it never will be. I love you. Bea: I pity you, it hurts you like scorn because you've still got an ounce of pride left in you somewhere. I'm just asking you, begging you, to hold onto it and make use of it. Ro: Then just love me! Let me be happy without trying to ruin it and be cruel all the time. That hurts me and it does, and is, coming from you. I can't keep having the same fight with you. It's more exhausting than anything Drew's done. Pity me for saying so if you want. I can't control that either. Bea: If I have to be cruel to be kind, then that's the role I have to play. I hardly enjoy it, it hurts me too, Ro! But I'm not going to lie to you, to pretend something is okay when it isn't, just because that's what feels best to you at the time. Because its not going to feel good when you look back, for me or for you. I'm not prepared to wrap you in cotton wool. You're an adult now? Then I'm treating you like it, no coddling. Ro: But you don't have to! You don't have to like him but why can't you accept that I do? I love him. Why can't that just be okay? Nobody else is lying or pretending, I mean look at Tess, but she's not being like this. Like you. Ro: You're my sister but you don't have to be anything to him, I'm not asking for that. We aren't married, Bea. Bea: Because I AM your sister! They're all family, but they're not; there are boundaries. And Tess is a parental figure, parents let you make your own mistakes. But I am your sister and I happen to think you've made the same mistake enough times now. There's nothing more to learn from this, from him. Nothing of worth for you and your personal growth. Bea: But I know you're not going to stop, so, there we go. I couldn't live with myself if I didn't try, it will help one day. Ro: But maybe it isn't a mistake this time. Or maybe I am just tired of always having to think in terms of what I can learn or take and want to just have what he can give me... Ro: why can't this be worth a try? Bea: Because you're worth more than just taking what you can get from someone who isn't giving enough, nevermind their all. Ro: You're just saying that because you don't like him. Bea: No, Ro, I am not. And you know that. Ro: I know I'm not you. Or Ali. And I know what people say about me. Why they bully me. I'm not stupid. Bea: You're socially awkward, that's all. People with competent enough social skills themselves can easily get past that. And you're clever, all that just combines to make people feel insecure so they project that onto you, make you feel the same. Bea: Its not as if I had any real friends at School either. There's a whole world out there, Ro. Filled with people who will like and love you, will get you. Bea: And you have Ali, and Meena, don't you? Ro: No you're clever, I just work hard. Try harder. Ro: You don't get it, he's not the one who's wrong, I am. Ro: He loves me, why can't I have that? Ro: And yes, of course, but it's not the same Bea: But what's not admirable about that? Being 'clever' innately (which in School just means having a decent store and recall memory to pass tests) isn't anything to shout about particularly, but putting in the work is. Bea: What's wrong with you? Different is not wrong. They're all the same, it makes it feel wrong to be different, but do you want to be like all the other girls in your School, really? Bea: You're better. Bea: Don't make me say it, Ro... Ro: In theory yes but in practice it's simply exhausting and frustrating and anything other than admirable. Or likable. Ro: I just don't want to be this. It isn't about comparison Ro: He makes me happy that's all. Bea: It feels like it when you're there, but School isn't a popularity contest. Its to get you to where the fuck you actually WANT to be, that's all. You don't want the only place you ever wanna be to be the School playground 'cos you've peaked, 'cos you're leaving in a year's time and there is no going back. Bea: You're going to have a life that is more than just nostalgia Bea: That's all this is, that's all I'm trying to prevent here, don't fall into the trap, okay? Ro: I know that. Ro: But this isn't just nostalgia though, I know that as well. Bea: Okay, but one day it will be, and I want you to be able to look back at this time with more than just regret Ro: And I want a chance to be in the moment, for once, instead of constantly looking back or worrying about the future Bea: Then go for it, like I said. But 'living in the moment' doesn't magically absolve you of making choices that will affect your present, your future, and how you look back on it as the past one day. You can not think too much about it when you're in it, sure. But you will have to live it and re-live it. That's just life, baby sister. I know it better than most. Ro: Okay, so what you have me do, leave him because of how he might behave and how he has in the past, in spite of his apologies for it? That isn't right. Bea: The past has a habit of not staying in the past...It creeps up on you, and on him, no doubt, old habits dying hard. If you can live with how he treated you, how everyone knows he treated you, the cheating and lying and just cruelty, he threw your way- then, well, I can't stop you. I wasn't trying to, I was only ever telling you how it is, how I see things. Bea: Is sorry enough? Because you know, it can't fix everything, don't you? Ro: I have to believe it can Bea: Then...I wish you luck. Ro: Is that all? You don't hate me again, do you? Bea: I never hated you, Ro, and I don't Ro: I hope so. I'd like to come and see you. I've been thinking about the woman that wrote you the letter a lot and was wondering if I should send her one back or something. Bea: You could- Or we could go visit her, she did offer Bea: I have been pondering what to do too Ro: Oh, that's an even better idea, if a scarier one.... Bea: Yeah Bea: We'll be okay. I'm certain she's legitimate, as in she was a true friend, not just someone who went to the same School and had a vague recollection and some old photos. I did a lot of digging before I reached out and she'd done Facebook posts on mum's Birthday, and the anniversary of the crash, year upon year, and she had more photos on their too. Bea: She could probably give us a real sense of who they were, and the area, she's still there...Its not somewhere in London I'd been previously and I haven't gone without you Ro: I don't doubt that or you, it's just...what if I'm not how she expects. Ro: The whole thing could be a huge disappointment Bea: It's not an audition. We're their daughters and that isn't up for debate, nor judgment. Who would she be to do that? Not that she sounds like that but you know, fuck anyone who would, they don't know us, what we've been through. Bea: It could be, yeah, but we've not got anything to lose, have we? Ro: You're right. Okay let's do it. When? Bea: Well, its a pretty good season to do it in, I think. Goodwill, being with new friends, reminiscing on old, reaching out to your fellow man and all that. We can get her something, to say thank you... Your last day is the 21st, right? So, if we do Sat 22nd, you can come back to Cambs with me for the Sunday and we'll all go back to Dublin together on the Monday, for Christmas Eve. Bea: Is that too soon for you? Its a few weeks but if you need longer, we can do it AFTER Christmas. I just think the festive season is as good an excuse as any, it'll make us all for more comfortable, I feel. Ro: No no I agree. That's a perfect time. Bea: I'll talk to Tess but I know she'll be fine. Bea: I'm really looking forward to this Ro: Anything to distract her from it being Caleb's family's turn to have Ali and the kids for Christmas, bless her. Ro: Me too. Thanks again, Bea. I know I've said it a hundred times already but Bea: Oh dear, I better catch up with her so she can rant, save your ears from it for the hundredth time, especially Ferghal's! Bea: Its okay, hopefully we'll get even more from this visit, fill in the blanks once and for all Ro: I really hope so, yes. Bea: I better get on, lots to do. We'll talk soon. x Ro: Okay. Kiss the twins for me 💕 Bea: Will do 💞

[taronegerton-fantasies]

Let’s Start The New Year Right

A/N: Happy new year guys!!! I’m a bit behind I’m so sorry huhu. I looked back at my previous works and I laughed because everytime I post something, there will be words like “it has been so long” LOL it has been so long indeed! I haven’t posted something in 4 months. I need to add that on my New Year’s Resolution. I need to post more often! Hahahaha. I have been really busy with school lately. I’m working on my thesis paper so forgive me. Anyway, I hope you like this one. It’s pure fluff with a little bit of angst on the side. Tehez

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I observe my surrounding as the heavy bass music blares in my ears. I am in my best friend Chloe’s house in Aberystwyth. I recognize some people that she has invited in her New Year’s Eve party who are trying to dance their way to the last festivity before the year ends. Some of them were my classmates in few of my subjects. Some of whom I had had a little conversation with and never talked again. Some were I had seen loitering in the hallway and who didn’t even bother going to classes, and some were just I used to see in my old school. They were scattered to different corners of the house. A few people I have bumped into were basically on these five common areas of the house: the corners, the living room area (specifically the sofa), kitchen, the backyard, and the front porch. I mean this is not a high-school-kind-of party, what do you usually see in a grown-up party? Are the overflowing booze and cigarette and blunt smoking still included?  

It’s the time of the year again where people will leave their frustrations behind them and kick-start the new year in a most fascinating way. Forgive people who have wronged you and forget everything and just move on. Fuck that fucking shit. That doesn’t make any single sense to me. They say that forgiveness puts the final seal on what happened that hurt you. Yeah, but that doesn’t you have to forget everything and the person who has wronged you. It’s like you have given them the key to do you bad again. You just proved yourself that you can always throw yourself to the lions whenever you want it. Do you also find it funny when people say “New year, new me”? I mean who says that when you can’t even maintain “the change” for a long time. It’s like you’re trying to write a long ass paragraph of your life in a chapter and once you re-read it, you realized you made a mistake and you will just shrug it off and just write something new in the next chapter but you still end up committing the same shit again you did before. Fucking ridiculous, right?

You might be thinking I’m a mental human kind who happens to be surrounded by normal people in a party. Yeah, I would rather give you that idea than tell you that this house, the one I’m in it right now and leaving invisible traces of mine at this moment holds a lot of memories for me. A roller coaster of my emotions have been lying in these safe walls of this house. And what’s the significance of this humble abode to me?

Chloe’s sister has a brother. His name is Taron. Taron was also my brother’s best friend. Chloe and I became known to each other when we moved in to the house next to them when we were both 6 years old. We weren’t exactly speaking before until their mum asked my mum to look after them both for a day. Since then we have been inseparable and so was my brother and Taron.

We could be seen mostly hanging out in the living room area as the entertainment and all stuff were located there. This is where we watch movies together, play board games, or just have a little bit of a chat. It was the most pleasant space in the world. His room is a whole lot different. This where I lost my virginity for the very first time and my first kiss from Taron. The sex was great, super fucking great. I’m not gonna go into details but it was a fuck-yeah-amazing kind of experience.

My first kiss with him was sweet and slow. I was embarrassed since I didn’t know how to kiss then but he guided me throughout the entire process. We didn’t make out though, he cuddled me and slept the whole day.

Taron and I was once a couple back in the days. It lasted for two years until I saw him with another girl in his bed. I was on my way to this house after I got back home from work to visit my best friend and Taron. Chloe had told me to just go straight to the house if she wasn’t there, also because of her work. So I did. And that was when I heard the strings of moans and a litany of profanities you usually hear in a porn flick. When I burst through door, I saw him with an unrecognizable girl on his bed. The bed where we usually make love and cuddle. His bed that I used to love and know I deeply hate. I ended it right away and never talked to him again even if he had knocked multiple times in our door and wait for hours in our front porch to talk to me. I did not face him.

Taron and my brother fought because of the incident. They put an end to their friendship but rekindled after a few months, which I rolled my eyes at. Boys.

We moved to London a year after my mum got a promotion at her job. That was the last time I saw him since the incident. Chloe and I would still try to meet and catch up if we were both free. She wished that things would go back to the way they were before so we could be all happy again. I would just smile sadly and hug her. She told me that their mum was missing me and would occasionally blame Taron for what he had done. Chloe and Taron had gone through a rough patch before also because of me. I kind of felt bad because people around him were being bitchy but I just think that he deserved that.

He had been bugging me with apologies on social media but gave up when he received none from me. Guilt would occasionally come crashing down on me but when memories of him and the girl fucking on his bed hit me like a freight train, I realized I shouldn’t be.

After Taron heard that I was coming to visit my previous hometown, he has risen from the dead and bombarded me with annoying messages. He said that he wanted to see me and wanted to talk. Chloe also said the same thing though. She says that he was miserable and regretful of what he had done up until now, says that he has been asking me lately how I was doing and if I was coming to the party. When he found out I was coming, his constant messaging happens again.

I also heard from Chloe that Taron is working in company as an art director in London. He knew that I have been living in London for quite some time now. but I had asked her if she told him where I work an my current flat. She told me she didn’t even if Taron kept asking my work address and my flat which I couldn’t be even more thankful to her.

Since I have arrived here, I make sure that he wouldn’t see me and I think I succeeded. Actually, I didn’t want to come but I can’t refuse to Chloe’s request and I haven’t seen her in such a long time, so I ended up just hiding in a house full of drunk people.

I have already seen Taron roaming around but I immensely avoid him. I know he has been looking for me, but I make sure he won’t see me. Not today, nor forever.

 TARON’S POV

 I know she’s somewhere around here. Chloe told me. I asked her a million times just to make sure that Y/N’s coming even if her answers were somewhat annoyed. I want to see her. I want her to know that I’m eternally sorry for what I did. That I was just tempted to sleep with a girl from another school. I want her to know that I’m still in love with her and she has always been on my mind. I want her to know that I want nobody but her and I want her back in my life.

As I was having a little moment by myself, I felt a clap on my back. I quickly whip my head to see who it is and my good friend Nikolai is grinning at me with a cup on his hand.

“Are we having a good night?” he asks excitedly.

“Killin’ it.” I say, returning the grin.

“Have you seen Y/N already? Heard that she’s here.”

My grin falters at the mention of Y/N’s name. I smile sadly and shake my head. “No, man.”

Nikolai claps my back again, twice. “It has been 7 years. She’ll forgive you now.”

“She would have done it before if she wanted it. She’s making a point that she doesn’t want my apologies nor my existence. I did her wrong. I deserve that.” I say sadly.

“Oh man, don’t be so hard on yourself. Maybe tonight, you’ll get to kiss her when the clock strikes at 12.” His voice low, teasing.

I push him a little away from as I snort. “She couldn’t even reply to my messages and then I’ll get to kiss her? Dude??” I cock an eyebrow at him as I look at him humorously.

“Dude?? Look at how good you have gotten the past years! I swear if I was Y/N, I would forget  everything and kiss the crap out of you.” He remarks.

My eyes widen in pure horror and take a step back away from him, “Get away from me!”

He laughs manically, spilling some of his drink on the carpet. Surely, Chloe would be cranky and pissed at cleaning the carpet the next morning. Poor sister.

“I’m just saying though!” He says, still laughing. “Anyway, have a smashing night! Remember what I said!” He claps me again on the back. I return the gesture by also patting his chest twice and by saying the same thing. And with that, he starts walking away.

I let out a sigh and get myself a drink in the kitchen. After I got myself one, I start walking toward the stairs and make my way up to the terrace. All my hopes on seeing her this time came crumbling down on me again like it’s always been. Maybe this isn’t the right time, I thought.

As I’m about to enter the threshold, I stop as I see a figure of a woman leaning on the railings. Her back is onto me, her body facing the backyard below her. Her dirty blond hair is styled somewhat wavy. She is wearing a pink dress. Beside her are a pair of high heels, I suppose she removed it because her feet got tired. Her senses start penetrating her whole being, her inner self tells her that someone is watching her because she whips her head at my direction. And I swear my heart stops beating.

Y/N’S POV

It’s him. Taron; The guy who constantly made my heart race, the guy who broke my heart 7 years ago, standing few centimeters away from me as he regards me with an expression that I can’t decipher: Shock, maybe? He looks so pale that I almost think it’s a ghost he is seeing and not me.

I’m not gonna lie, He still looks as beautiful as we were young, but more matured. He was a dashing, handsome young man. Now, he has a gym honed physique and muscles wrought from iron. He has a buzzed cut hair and gimlet eyes. His pinched-in cheekbones rested on skin that was stretched tight by exercise. And god, his jaw. He has a marble jaw that is rugged and masculine, speckled with manly, peppered stubble. His shoulders are sculpted in a most defined way and has a barrel chest. 

No, he has gotten even more beautiful.

I face the backyard again, you’re supposed to be mad and plotting your escape, not ogle on him. I’m considering the idea of jumping off the railings just to get away with him. I opt to escape by the door but he won’t let me get through it. I want to smack my head a million times for coming up in here. This was his favorite place back then aside from the living room, his bedroom, and the kitchen. I used to find him in here when I can’t look for him anywhere. This part of the house was his escape from the world.

“Please Y/N.” He says, blocking the way. He closes the door and takes a step forward to me. His eyes are full of sadness, like a ukulele that produces broken sounds and not that relaxing tones.

“Please.” He repeats, touching me. I yank my hand out of his grasp. His touches are burning. I could almost hear the hissing sound it makes as it burns the area where he had touched.

“Do not touch me.” I say. There is an edge in my voice.

He hangs his head down, putting his hands into his pockets with a resigned expression. I back away from him and sit on one of the chairs. I watch him sit down on a chair by the door. We stay quiet for a couple of minutes. None of us are uttering any single word. The air is so thick I could cut it with a knife. The silence is embracing us in a way that it feels cold suddenly. He begins by saying the words I’ve always wanted to hear but never wanted to at the same time.

“I’m sorry.” His voice soft.

I slowly move my head to the side where he is sitting and regard him carefully. He is not looking at me, he is just sitting there staring into space.

I laugh sardonically, “If your ‘sorry’ could fix everything, I wouldn’t have been in such a shit state for 7 fucking years. 7 fucking years, Taron. I was miserable and kept thinking what went wrong I had to see you with a girl on your bed! I hold that fucking bed close to my heart and you chose to fuck a bimbo like it was a bed in a cheap motel! Fuck you!” I was now raging, fuming, and crying. I hope there will be none listening to us downstairs. I doubt.

He runs his hands on his face up to his hair as he rests on his nape, linking his fingers together. “I didn’t know what came over me that time. I was bored and-“ I cut him off, my voice going an octave higher.

“You were bored?!” I want to punch him in the fucking face. “What a fucking valid reason you got there, buddy. “I was bored”! I fucking like it! You could do better than that!” I yell, my anger building up. I smack his shoulder a couple of times as I release all the anger I’ve stayed hidden for the past years. I actually see red I am so infuriated with him. He didn’t fight me as I’m making his damn arm a punching bag. All he does is protect himself from the blows I give him and cry. I know he is not crying because I’m physically hurting him. He’s crying how much this hurts him.

“Y/N, Please-“ he turns to me as he sobs.

“I hate you.” I seethe.

He is crying so hard that he chokes. I’ve seen him like this when his best friend died from a car accident. I’ve never seen him cry again like that until this happened. He kneels on my side as he begs me.

“Please, Y/N. Just hear me out…” He pleads. I look at him as he catches his breath before, his head down. He wipes his nose with shirt and looks up at me. I look away, my eyes release fresh tears before he starts, “I wasn’t even thinking that time. I was really bored. I got a text from an unknown number, said she was an old friend from my old school and told me she got my number from Nikolai. She told me she just needed a friend because her boyfriend broke up with her…” His hiccup stops him, then he continues again, “And then we’ve talked it out over a few drinks. We both got drunk. She was touchy. I tried to stop her and told her that I have a girlfriend but she wasn’t having it. And that’s when you saw us in our room.” He says, his voice low and resigned.

I cannot wrap all the information in my head. My eyes keep releasing tears, making my vision blur. I didn’t say anything. Just keep my head straight and stare into nothing. The laughs below us filling my ear. The happy sounds that it makes is trying to embrace us both, but the sadness is keeping us away from it. I clench my fist. Taron must have seen it because he winces as he starts to back away from to give him another angry blow. But I didn’t. I just silently weep.

“Believe me Y/N. It was all a mistake. I didn’t want her. After that happened, I blamed Nikolai for everything. You have to believe me please…” He sobs again. He hangs his head down as he kneels. He looks so vulnerable. I want to hug him and tell him everything is okay now. I want to but I can’t.

He starts again, “I haven’t had a girlfriend for years now, I did but it only lasted for three months. I kept thinking about you. You’re constantly on my mind. Always have, always will. I love you, please forgive me…”

And then I’m lost. It’s like someone have slapped me and tell me that I need to believe him. Like I’m suddenly unfettered by the antediluvian anger that I have always been keeping. I realized that I still love him. That I have always been craving for his touch.  

I watch him weep. His body is trembling from crying too much. He looks up at me, regards with such sadness and hope in his eyes. A complex mixture of green and blue with a speckled of gold in his eyes to match with my eye color. A silent plead that he’s telling me through his eyes that he wants to take me back again.  

A single tear run down his beautiful face and I wipe it my thumb. He shivers and lets out a shaky breath. He starts crying again.

“Oh god, Y/N. Oh my god.”  He sobs out.

I kneel down in front of him and pull him by the shoulders. He reacts immediately and wraps his strong, bulky arms around my waist, clinging tightly to me.

“I’m so sorry baby… I’m really sorry…” He says in between cries. I run my hand on his back as my other one is on his hair. Gently coaxing him.

“I’m sorry too. I know I should have done this a long time ago. I was really mad and hurt. I needed this talk, we both needed this.” I kiss the crown of his head. He pulls away and holds my face in his hands. We stare at each other for a split second, drinking each other’s features.

He really looks so damn beautiful. His face has gotten more matured. The old Taron I used to like had more baby fats in his body. His features weren’t defined and his muscles were just starting to form. I wipe the tears on his eyes as he does the same to me. He laughs as he reaches for the collar of his shirt to wipe his nose and sniffs afterwards.

He fishes something in pocket and hands me his handkerchief to wipe my nose. I wipe my nose like what he did, in a most unlady like way. I look at him and he’s watching me with an amused expression. We start laughing together. After that, He smiles sweetly at me.

That sweet smile that I love, still has an effect on me. I move closer to him and reach hands up to run my fingers along his stubble. It’s rough and gritty. I can’t wait to feel that on my legs.

I smile and giggle at myself. He smiles at me, flashing his perfect set of white teeth. “What were you thinking?” He asks quietly.

“That I should’ve done this a long time ago and I missed you.” I run my thumb along his bags and on his eyebrows. He closes his eyes at my touch. Then he says, “I miss you too baby.” He opens his eyes, it went down on my mouth then back to my eyes again.

“We’re supposed to be kissing now.” I say as I link my fingers to his neck.

“I know.”

“So kiss me.”

He shakes his head.

“Why?” I frown.

“Because,” he explains. He kisses the tip of my nose before he continues, “I will kiss you when the clock strikes at 12.” He bites his bottom lip.

I roll my eyes as I let out a chuckle, “You haven’t changed.”

He scoffs, “I have changed a lot.” He flexes his biceps in front of me and I giggle. He chuckles shortly before dropping his arm back down and sighs, “But my feelings for you haven’t changed.” He leans in to kiss my forehead. “I love you and I missed you, Y/N. So much. You don’t even know how long I have been waiting this day to come.” I smile at him as I blush deeply.

“I never thought that this day would come. It sounds ridiculous how I have mentioned how much I hate you moments ago.” He features suddenly becomes sad, he looks down on his lap. I lift his chin up and smile sweetly at him. I continue, “And I realized how stupid I am for not giving you a chance to explain everything, I also realized how much I still love you.” I’m so fucking tempted to kiss him but I also like his idea of kissing at 12, so I opt for the best and kiss his cheeks.

He smiles at me and regards me with pure adoration in his eyes, just looking at me like he can’t believe what is happening. He then breaks the silence, “Shall we go downstairs?” He asks sweetly.

I nod.

He stands up and offers his hand to me. As soon as I’m on my feet, he pulls me in a tight embrace. I wrap my arms on his waist and kiss his chest, where his heart lies. He sighs and kisses my hair.

He pulls away and links his fingers to mine. “Let’s go downstairs.” I clutch his hand tightly as go down and deal with his guests.  Chloe would probably go nuts when she sees us together. And I was right with my intuitions.

She is standing at the end of the stairs, talking to a brawny looking guy and to Nikolai. I also spot my brother talking to them, which surprises me because I didn’t know that he was coming. After all we didn’t go together. Chloe whips her head at the top of the stairs and takes a double look at us.

She starts shrieking when she sees us coming down the stairs, calling the attention of people around her and start regarding us with such curiosity. I hide on his side and he unlatches his fingers from mine. He hugs my side as I start to hide my face on his armpit and grips my hand on his waist. I sense that Taron rolls his eyes dramatically because he tells his sister to shut the fuck up (what a sweet relationship they have, yeah?). I lift my head to look at the people in front of me: Chloe, who is looking at us with pure happiness and disbelief, Nikolai who is grinning at us, my brother who is somewhat smirking and smiling, and the brawny looking guy with… I don’t know. He just looks at us with a what’s going on expression. Taron greets him though by giving him a manly handshake. He introduces me to him and I find out his name is Tommy.

Our group has had a little bit of a chat before someone yells around the house that the countdown is about to start. We gather ourselves in the living room and prepare for the countdown. Taron whips me softly to face him.

He is staring at me, not like the he-is-undressing-me-kind-of look but the kind of look like you’re the only person he only sees and as if the world has stopped moving. Though the temperature in the room is somewhat between crisp and warm, I’m sweating. His eyes examine every corner of my face, as if memorizing every part of it and inscribe it on his brain.

Then he breaks into a toothy and most disarming smile. I smile back at him, matching his smile and he tucks a strand of hair in my ear. He envelops me in a tight hug and kisses my cheek.

“Y/N… Baby…” He says to my ears, “This is the happiest night of my life. There’s no rush, but I want you to know that your forgiveness is what really matters to me. I’m really sorry for what I did, I really am baby. And I want you to know that all these years, it has always been you. No one else, just you.” He confesses.

I pull away, but I don’t break the hug just so I can look into his face. So fucking beautiful, I thought. He has the makings of a good Hollywood actor, or a model. A fine figure, fierce eyes that could bore into your soul. A beautifully sculpted face (don’t get me started on that beautiful face, I’m telling you). Also, did I tell you he has a good voice too? He doesn’t let anyone hear his voice, it’s ridiculous. I don’t know why.

I badly want to kiss him. His lips are so inviting, I want to feel his lips on mine again after all those years. I want to feel that longing after we pull apart; the need to touch him, run my fingers through his hair as he speaks sweet nothing through my follicles. I want to feel the boy again who swept me off my feet by accident and made an interesting history together.

When will this countdown starts?

He sways our body from side to side. I leave a trail of kiss to his chin up to his jaw, pressing my lips on his cheeks as it reaches there. I peck it twice, just to contain myself and to just show my respect for his cheesy idea. “Baby…” I start, kissing centimeters away on the side of his mouth (can you blame me?!) “We may have gone through a rough patch. I may have told you not so nice things. I may have tried to push away all my feelings for you, tried to hide it and constantly reminded myself to hate you, but I was wrong. The moment I saw you upstairs, how sincere you are, how sorry you are, how much you still love me after all, I realize that I love you. And it has always been you Taron.” I pull away to look at his expression.

He looks like he’s about to cry. I don’t want to make him cry again. Enough crying for this night. So I pinch his cheeks and stretch it out on his face as we both laugh. And the countdown begins.

“10!” the crowd begins to shout happily and excitedly.

Taron pulls me by the waist, his stares are getting more intense by each millisecond.

“9!”

“Are you ready?” He smirks right back at me.

“8!”

I roll my eyes and scoff, “I’ve never been more ready.” He grazes my cheek with his thumb and smile.

“7!”

We watch each other as we wait for the countdown. Our stares are getting more intense each millisecond passes. He says, “Here’s to good new memories and experiences.”

“6!”

“Here’s to good new memories and experiences.” I repeat, smiling, linking my fingers to his neck.

“5!”

I watch Taron licks his bottom lip in an achingly slow pace. I absentmindedly bite my bottom lip as he unintentionally makes a mess in me.

“4!”

He pulls me closer to him, his hands on my waist.

“3!”

“Happy new year, baby.” He smiles, grazing his fingers on the side of my face.

“2!”

“Happy new year, Taron.” I say, moving towards to each other even more closer, filling the gap between us.

“1!” we both lean in, our faces centimeters apart, waiting for the crowd’s go signal.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

And with that, our lips finally meet. I melt into the kiss. My knees go weaker the time he enters his tongue in my mouth. Our lips move slowly. There is no rush, it’s as if we’re savoring the time and moments we have missed when we were both apart. I sigh into the kiss, making me relaxed than ever. All my angers and pent up frustrations to him dissipates into the thin air. Our lips are moving in open lips with some tongue interplay. It’s sweet, hot, and passionate. I run my fingers to his smooth, soft hair, and he moans. His tongue invades my mouth as he presses me close to his body. He kisses me deeply and so passionately that it’s making me hard to breathe. I feel like I’m floating in the air, so overwhelmed.

We have clearly drowned out the sounds of the cheers of the people who are happily welcoming the year, clearly forgetting the fact the we are not alone. Until we both feel that someone bumps us intentionally and as we pull away from our kiss, we see that Chloe is squealing in delight. Seconds later, my brother follows and envelops us in a tight group hug and that make us all groan.

As my brother releases us all, Chloe starts jumping and clapping like a kid who got a candy, “I’m so happy!” She squeals again, “Happy new year guys!”

Taron kisses her sister on the cheek as he hugs her. I do the same thing to my brother. I thanked him for everything, for making me happy when I’m sad and for knocking at my door when he’s “fucking bored” (according to him) and we’ll go out to get something to binge eat as we watch endless tv series. He coos at me and kisses my temple. “I love you, sis.” He says. I tear slips from my eyes. He laughs and pinches my cheek.

I asked him when did he got here, since I travelled by myself to get here. He told me he got the last trip at the train station after he got off from his work half day. I interrogate him and ask him how come he still has work when it’s the holiday season. I asked him if he went to see this girl he has been seeing, Rebekah. he shrugs and smirks, earning a side way glance from me. And we both burst out laughing. It’s all good.

I hug Chloe as tightly as I can. I thank her a million times. For when she’s there when I needed her. When I was a miserable shit and she was there listening to me as I cry. For not questioning my anger against Taron, for countless times that I had spewed all the nastiest words I could think of to his brother. I know she should have, but she knows what I had been going through. But she lets me. I thank her for all the times when we had, from then up to now. For being a good best friend in a whole wide world.

She thanks me for choosing her to be my best friend when there are tons of other girls in our neighborhood to share all my secrets with and bond over everything. Silly, silly girl. So I pinch her bum and did the same to me. And we both burst out laughing. It’s all good.

I turn myself to the pretty boy standing next to me. My brother and Chloe must have sensed that we need this moment, so they both scramble off to their feet and give us the time we need.

I press my lips to him. He leans in again and presses his after I pull away. We stay there like that.

“I promise to love you no matter what. To be there when you need me. I promise, I promise, I promise to be faithful to you, if you will give me another chance. I won’t ever blow this again.” And then he seals it with a kiss.

I smile, “I also promise to be there when you need me. And if I give you another chance, I promise to listen to you when you’ve got something to say.” I say as I graze his top lip. “Cheers to the new chapter.”

He smiles, his eyes crinkle. “Cheers to the new chapter.”

I peck his lips. “Shall we start partying now?” I ask him, giggling.

He links his fingers with mine and dance our way to the new chapter of our rekindled relationship.

It’s all good.

------

Part 2? Yes? ;)

[mybumpbirthandbeyond]

Becoming Mummy

So did you think surely my physical problems were behind me?! I certainly did. I had had thrush of the breast, mastitis and an abscess, and bad separation of my muscles (I didn’t know how bad until later.) Well lo and behold, when my milk was drying up, I noticed a red mark on my left breast this time. You guessed it! I ended up with my second lot of mastitis, in a different breast, even though I wasn’t even breastfeeding!! Back on the antibiotics for me. It was starting to feel like a very cruel joke - great pregnancy with no real complaints, couldn't have wished for a better birth and now it seemed I was being punished for those things in my postpartum recovery 🙄😢

I should also mention a common problem I did experience during pregnancy, and one which continued for a few weeks after I gave birth. I had carpal tunnel syndrome in both my wrists. Late on in my pregnancy, I felt like I had arthritis in both my wrists, and I would wake up for my (umpteenth) trip to the toilet and notice my fingers were sore and swollen. I had probably stopped wearing my engagement ring in January (being due in the April), as it was smaller than my wedding ring. I eventually took my wedding ring off the month before my due date, as I was terrified it would have to be cut off! When I had told my midwife about this at my 38 week appointment, she laughed and said you might be a bit late for physio! It was manageable and I coped by elevating my wrists on my pillow at night to allow the blood to drain away from my fingers. After I gave birth, I was disappointed to learn it hung around for a few months after. I ended up buying a wrist splint from Amazon to wear on my left. It seems silly, but they don’t sell them in pairs, so I had to gauge which wrist was worst and go with that. I went with my left, as my rings were still not going on, much to my dismay!! I eventually got my wedding band on about 8 weeks after I had Cailean but my engagement ring still wouldn’t go on!! I was actually really upset by this, having not worn it since January. The stupid things you think about in the vulnerability of being a new mother - what if people think I've had a child and I'm not married?! I don’t care about things like that in real life, it doesn’t matter if you’re married or not so who cares!! Only very narrow-minded people have issues with that, yet somehow it just flitted into my mind one day. As I say stupid thing to think! But there you go, that’s how strange things can happen when you become a parent and how self-consciousness and dark thoughts can creep in. I actually made a trip to the jewellers where we bought the rings to ask about getting it enlarged. When I told them I was 9 weeks postpartum they looked me and told me it was too soon, I should give it longer. That kind of helped me see sense! I think it was another 4 weeks before I got my engagement ring on and knew I could get it off again fairly easily. I was so happy when I did!! Honestly, when you’ve had the recovery I've had, you take the small wins where you can - which is probably not a bad rule to follow generally as a new parent!!

My husband was such a great help and support during those first few weeks. I was really lucky to have him home for 4 weeks. He took one week of paternity leave and the rest was floating annual leave. Paternity leave would have reduced his pay to half for the second week. Given I'm on statutory maternity pay, that was just not an option. It’s pretty ridiculous when you think about it!

Those first few days without him were a bit of a steep learning curve - trying to get Cailean fed and dressed and myself showered, fed and dressed to go out and walk the dogs was a bit of a challenge! I was lucky to get out before 12 initially, but luckily my two Springers were great and very patient. The most challenging part about the first days when Alex was back at work, was when Cailean was unsettled and very cranky. I’m not going to lie, it is the hardest thing to deal with when your baby is crying constantly, and you have no idea why. What makes it even worse, is the fact that when Daddy came home, it seemed to always be all smiles!! After checking his nappy, feeding him and winding him, I’m not afraid to admit that there have been a few times when I have had to leave the room for a few minutes, just to keep myself sane! (It goes without saying that Cailean was safe in his nest or Moses basket).

One particular day, when Alex was on a backshift, I struggled big time when he left. When Alex left the house, Cailean was smiling and within minutes he was screaming. It was so disheartening! It was honestly like Jekyll and Hyde. 👿 My mum called me in the evening to find out how he was. Before I even thought about it, I had told her i was having a nightmare. I hadn’t eaten dinner, and as far as I could tell there was nothing wrong with him but he just would not stop crying. When I came off the phone I was kicking myself - I was sure my mum would end up coming round to help, so I called her back and told her everything was fine now (I lied). To my relief she wasn't in the car but it turned out I caught her just before she left the house - she arrived at mine 10 minutes later. She looked after Cailean while I had my dinner and relaxed in a much needed bath, and stayed until he fell asleep. Just goes to show, the real superheroes don’t wear capes!! 🦸🏻‍♀️

A few days later, we were unlucky enough to have another trip to the hospital. Alex was still on a backshift but we had noticed in the morning, Cailean hadn't been able to poo for a few days and he was clearly struggling. We tried everything -  bath, 1 fl. oz of water, cycling his legs, nappy balm around his bottom, and massaging his tummy (always clockwise!!!). He was screaming a few hours after Alex had left for work and so upset. Alex called to find out if he had pooed and when he heard him, he thought I should call NHS24. I’m not a paranoid mum by any means, but the fact we had tried everything and he was so uncomfortable, I began to worry about a blockage and also overloading him with milk. They gave me an appointment within the hour at the out of hours service. A nurse practitioner saw us in Dunfermline and Cailean by this point would not stop screaming. His temp wasn’t bad, but his heart rate was elevated. She said she could tell straight away there was something that just wasn’t right. They told us we should go to the NICU in Kirkcaldy (at the hospital where I'd given birth). We were told there might be quite a wait and this was at 9pm by that time. Thankfully, we didn't have to wait too long. The doctors were fantastic and so lovely. We made it clear we thought it was constipation but were worried there was something more serious because of everything we had tried. Well, did he not do a massive poo while waiting on the doctor coming back in the room!!! Honestly, we were so embarrassed/relieved!!! 😅🙈The doctors were so kind and made no issue of it whatsoever. They told us we had absolutely done the right thing because he was so wee, and to call back directly if there were any other issues. If you ever have any concerns, better to be safe than sorry and get it checked! They are too precious not to.

I was out with my neighbour one day, and  I told her about how cranky Cailean was becoming. Having been such a happy and content baby (other than during poo gate!), he seemed to be so unhappy and typically, it was when I was on my own with him. She explained to me that Cailean was probably going through a leap. She told me about an app called the Wonder Weeks, which would track and alert you to each of your baby’s developmental leaps. It is an absolute lifesaver! It teaches you what your baby is learning during each leap (and explains the crankiness!), while telling you how long they will be experiencing it for. The app sets an alarm (we nickname it the alarm of doom!) for when the leap starts and also lists the skills the baby will exhibit at the end of each leap. Here is the link from the App Store for anyone who would like to download it:    I highly recommend it!

My 6 week GP check was yet another trip to the Doctor, and I suspected, the last time I would be checked by a health professional in relation to the pregnancy, unless I made an appointment. I explained about my thus far, horrendous recovery. I also explained I suspected my thrush in my breast hadn’t cleared up. Apparently dry looking skin around the areola is a sign, as well as the fact I was still getting some pain despite not feeding. The doctor told me the cream I was given was due to the fact I was breastfeeding, but I could be prescribed much stronger medication now that I wasn’t. She checked my stitches as well as I had been feeling some discomfort down there. She said she thought there was a sore down there, but it was maybe to do with the way the stitches were healing. I explained I was told I could be referred to a physio for the separation of my abdominal muscles. What was pretty concerning, was she didn’t seem to have any idea about it at all and said she guessed that meant she would just write a letter to the physios at the hospital? I wasn’t convinced she knew what to do, but waited to see what would happen. As it happened, I received a letter within a couple of weeks offering me an appointment, but the appointment wasn’t until the start of July, and my GP check was in May. I guess it was the best I could hope for on the NHS! 🙄

In the meantime, Cailean was given his appointment for his first set of jags. His health visitor had told me to get infant paracetamol and the doses to give him throughout the day whenever he received the Men B vaccine. The fact that she had to ask whether I wanted Cailean immunised or not, was terrifying. Thanks to that report from an American doctor (who has since been struck off and all his findings disproved,) sadly, there are still people who refuse to immunise their children, and now we are seeing a return of those horrible diseases which didn’t exist for long enough. It was a no brainer for me. You can get infant paracetamol from any chemist (you have to show your red book and you’ll for it for free) and you’re advised to give your baby 2.5 ml prior to the jags, and then two further doses every four hours. Cailean was, understandably upset by his jags, although he settled quickly. He slept most of the day after the first two lots, but didn’t show any other ill effects luckily. It’s so horrible watching a needle go into your baby’s soft skin, not once but 3 times!! (for the first and third jags). The third set were definitely the worst for Cailean for some reason. He was just very unsettled and upset the whole day, so much so that I decided against his Baby Sensory class that day. Thankfully, that’s the end of them until he is 1!

Speaking of classes, at around 9/10 weeks, I decided to enrol Cailean in Baby Sensory. Most baby classes you’ll find are based on school term time, so you can usually book a block, bearing in mind that there will usually be a break at some point. Baby Sensory gives babies all types of different stimulation through song, sign language and different objects. Every week is a different theme, but the song at the start and the end are always the same so the babies can learn what to expect. The lady who takes our classes puts so much into it! I couldn’t imagine having to sterilise and disinfect as many different things as she does. It’s a great way to meet other mums and babies. What I like most about it, is seeing the development and how much Cailean has come on since he started. I decided to wait until he was 9/10 weeks, as I didn’t think he would get much out of it before then. His first few classes, he only lasted the first half of the hour, and then fell asleep! Some babies come earlier and it is from 0-6 months, but I definitely think he showed more interest being the age he was. Although he still has his moments, he loves the class and has even started smiling and noticing other babies, which is the cutest thing ever! 🥰🙊

I also take Cailean to Baby Massage which we have just started. Amazingly, this is a free class! It’s such a nice thing to do, and a great way to learn about what can relax your baby, and even help with things like colic and constipation etc. 

One of the best classes we have done so far though, is Water Babies. It is expensive, but the fact your baby is learning to swim from as young as 12 weeks old, is incredible! Cailean was very nearly a water birth, which I think might also contribute how calm he is in the water, as well of course as babies being in the amniotic fluid. The classes are only held in pools warm enough for babies, although we bought Cailean a wee sleeveless wetsuit just to keep him a wee bit warmer. I've not yet braved taking him on my own - my husband has been at all of the classes so far. With Alex working shifts, he won’t always be able to make it, so I said he should go in the pool with him when he can. It also helps to have an extra pair of hands when changing! There have only been 3 classes so far, but he hasn’t cried once (Cailean that is, not Alex!!)! I couldn't believe it when, at the end of the first class, the instructor told us the babies would be going under. However, I needn’t have worried, Cailean did brilliantly! He certainly thought about crying initially, but changed his mind and is now under quite a few times in each class. What’s great about the classes is that you are taught how to teach your baby to swim. There are no armbands, and much of the class is about safety and repetition so the babies come to expect when they will go under, etc. It’s amazing how many of the skills are actually based on babies natural instincts but they always find a way to make it fun! 

In my next blog, I'll cover sleep (or lack thereof!) and also our first trip with Cailean (practicalities) and my ongoing recovery. 

I’d like to take this opportunity to thank each of you who have taken the time to read my ramblings so far. I started this blog in the hopes that my experiences might help even just one other person in knowing what to expect, but it’s also helping me deal with the struggles of my recovery and the steep learning curve that is becoming a new mum.  Please continue to share with others if you feel it would be useful and if you’re enjoying the blog. We’re all just winging it on a daily basis, and the support network is vital to keep us all going when the days are hardest! 💖 xx

[wearesungreenmylove]

Chapter Ten: Christmas At The Weasley’s

Word Count: 1975

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I bounce on my heels as I scoop Gingersnap up and stuff her into her container.

“Meoooooooow,” She whines, and I shush her.

“Be quiet, Gi, we’re going home!” I shut the latch on my suitcase and drag both her and the suitcase down into the common room.

Scorpius is sitting by the fire, staring into the crackling flames and not moving.

“You’re staying here again?” I ask. I try not to sound surprised, but he notices. I can tell by the way his shoulders curl up around his shoulders.

“Yep,” He says. “It’s not any different than any other year.”

“You don’t think…” I trail off. It’s not my place. “Right.”

He turns to look at me, and he smiles sadly. “Happy Christmas, Rose,” He says.

I smile back. “Happy Christmas,” I respond.

I would stay with him, but after last year Mum made me promise to come back this Christmas, and even though my parents have warmed up to Scorpius, I don’t want to risk making them resent him.

He turns back to the fire, so I leave without another word.

It feels wrong, but I don’t know what else to say.

…

I climb up the stairs to the Hogwarts Express and walk into my usual compartment. I close the door and let Gingersnap climb out of her cage and explore the compartment. Satisfied, she curls up on the seat and falls asleep. I buy and eat an entire box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans without too much trouble. ( I got a Vomit, Earwax, and a Boogey flavour). The ride is quiet, but I don’t mind. Silence is better than sharing a compartment with James.

I get off the train and see my family.

“How was Hogwarts?” Ron asks my brother and me.

“It was so great, Dad! I got to see a hippogriff!” Hugo says excitedly.

“It was fun!” I say. “I joined the quidditch team and Scorpius, Bordeaux and I were scoring a bunch of points, and our seeker, Alaska Hare, is really good. Like really good.”

“I’m gonna join the quidditch team when I get older!” Hugo announces proudly.

“I look forward to beating my little brother.” I tease.

He sticks his tongue out at me.

“I’m glad you two had fun.” Mum rolls her eyes and picks up my trunk. “Come on,” She says and leaves. I follow her to the car. On the way there, I see Mr. Malfoy looking hopefully at the Hogwarts Express. Why I wonder, is he waiting for someone who will never come? He waits for Scorpius every year. Hopeful, but deep down, knowing the truth. Why I wonder, avoid your family like fire?

⋯

When I get home, the whole family is there for Christmas Eve. Uncle George and Aunt Angelina, with Roxanne and Fred II. Gramma Molly and Grandpa Arthur, Uncle Percy and  Aunt Audrey, with Molly and Lucy, Uncle Bill and Aunt Fleur, with Dominique and Louis, Uncle Harry and Aunt Ginny, with James, Albus, and Lily. Victoire and Teddy also show up together. Hagrid is there, too, and Professor Longbottom.

“Happy Christmas, Rose,’’ Professor Longbottom says, and then he has to leave. Hagrid drops off his presents and then is on his way, and then the place goes into chaos. The only other children besides me that aren’t crazy are Victoire and Teddy, and they’re technically not ‘children’, both being 18. James, Dominique, Louis, Hugo, Roxanne, and Fred II all run off to play Quidditch, and Lily, Molly, and Lucy all group up and giggle about things, while Albus sits quietly on an armchair. “Albus!” I wave at him. He gets up and wanders over to me.

“Did you hear,” he says, and then starts ranting about the wonders of unicorns. I smile and nod, but I’m not listening; I’m wondering what Scorpius is doing, alone at Hogwarts without his family.

Soon we are all crowded into the kitchen and living room for dinner. In the summer we always eat outside, but since it’s the Christmas holidays we’re all inside enjoying the warmth. There’s a strong chorus of “Can you please pass the potatoes?” and “Is that turkey? I’ll have some of that, please!” throughout the kitchen. I relax when I step into the quiet living room. At least, quiet compared to the kitchen. You can still hear everyone in the kitchen talking to each other as they pile food onto their plates. I flop onto the couch, careful not to spill my food onto the floor. Soon enough everybody starts walking into the living room.

After everyone eats, it’s Hugo, Victoire, Teddy, and I’s job to put away the food and do the dishes the muggle way. This leaves my prankster of a cousin free to do whatever he pleases.

I hear a very familiar sounding song being sung by James and I pale.

“SCORPIUS AND ROSIE, SITTING IN A TREE, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! FIRST COMES LOVE, THEN COMES MARRIAGE, THEN COMES THE BABY IN A BABY CARRIAGE!” He bellows.

“Sorry guys, I have to go!” I tell my brother, Victoire, and Teddy. I run up the stairs into the room I’m sharing with Lily and lock the door behind me.

I need to focus, I tell myself. Focus. Focus. Focus.

I take a deep breath in, then exhale. My mind is still racing, but at least my heart has slowed.

I lift one of the floorboards up to reveal a box. I open it and see all the pictures I’ve taken. I look through one pile of Scorpius and I, too angry with James and too embarrassed of what he might have told everyone else to bother looking through the family pictures, look through my pictures of Scorpius instead. My favourite picture of us is when we were on the roof. I bring my camera everywhere, I think, amused. I fall into a fitful sleep, skipping dessert entirely.

⋯

I momentarily forget about my anger with James on Christmas morning. I rush down the long flight of stairs from Lily and I’s room into the family room and start emptying my stocking. All the kids are already there, munching on Saint Nick’s leftover cookies. I brush past them, staring at the mound of presents underneath the tree. I sigh as I see a small box under the tree with my name on it from Gramma Molly. That can only mean one thing. Sweaters. Sure enough, a navy sweater with an R on it is in that box and I put it on, for now, vowing to never wear it again after this day.  

I spend the day mostly happy, (as long as I steer clear of James), preferring to spend my time with Albus (who I am quite fond of) and take pictures.

“Maybe you could be a photographer for the Daily Prophet one day Rosie,” Lily suggests, “Since you love taking pictures so much.”

“Maybe,” I reply.

⋯

Too soon, or perhaps not soon enough, it is time to return to school.

“Good-bye Rosie, see you after schools’ up!” Mum calls after me as I board the Hogwarts Express.

“Bye, Mum,” I say, rolling my eyes to myself.

⋯

I get off the Hogwarts Express without my luggage or Gingersnap, trusting the house elves to take care of them.

I smile as I see Scorpius running towards me from school.

“I was looking everywhere for you!” He says when he catches up to me.

“Why?” I ask.

He takes a deep breath and asks, “If 120-X = 3 times 4, then what is X?”

I burst out laughing. “You ran all the way out HERE to ask me a question about homework?!”

“Yeah,” Scorpius says, looking confused, still panting slightly from running. “Why wouldn't I?”

“Nevermind. What class is this for? Arithmancy?”

“Yep!.”

“Huh,” I say. I didn’t know he took that class.

“Yeah.”

I rack my brains for the answer (I’m out of practice!) and say “It’s negative one hundred eight.”

“Thanks,” he says. He runs his left hand through his hair, and it sticks up. I take a step towards him and flatten it. He looks up at me and opens his mouth to speak. “Hey, um. Do you want to hang out sometime?”

I allow myself a small smile and say jokingly “Don’t we already hang out?” He looks heartbroken. My hand, which is at my side seems to have a mind of its own. It reaches for his hair and I run my fingers through it, successfully messing it up again.. I take a step closer to him and lift his chin up so that his eyes meet mine. “Scorpius,” I say. I hear a crash from the woods, but don’t turn my head. It’s probably just Grawp having another tantrum. Sometimes I wonder why they let him teach. I hear the rustling of the leaves and students’  voices carrying across the lawn.

Wait, there’s no wind. I think, why would the leaves be rustling? Scorpius stiffens, his eyes full of alarm. I turn around and see a beast. It’s lean and almost hairless. It growls.

“Run,” I say. And we do as if a werewolf is right on our heels.

Scorpius trips in front of me and we both go flying. I’m breathing heavily now, adrenaline is rushing through my body and I feel as if we’re being watched. Oh, how I wish I was safe inside the Ravenclaw common room, snuggling with a book in my favourite armchair.

I hear panting, and at first, I think it’s Scorpius, but these breaths sound more… dog-ish. I look five feet to my right and see the beast. It’s sharp canines protrude from its mouth, saliva drips onto the grass and I identify it. Werewolf.

I put my hand in my pocket, searching for my wand. It’s not there. I left it in my dormitory. I mentally bang my head. Stupid, stupid, stupid… Scorpius is lying beside me, barely conscious. “Give me your wand.” I hiss at him. He doesn’t respond. I frantically search through his robes. “Where is it?!? Where did you put your wand?!?” I finally find it and raise it to where the werewolf was standing. It’s gone.

I wake Scorpius enough that he can lean on my shoulder and walk. I lead him to the Infirmary where Miss Moone hovers over us,  warning us to be careful and such things. She starts ranting as she grabs a bottle, but I focus on Scorpius’s face, zoning out.

I sit in a daze by Scorpius’s bed for hours, longer than Miss Moone would usually let a visitor stay, but I sensed that she took pity on me as it is no secret how close Scorpius and I are close. Eventually, she shoo’s me off, insisting that I need to sleep, and I return to my bunk, although I do anything but sleep. Instead, I stare at the wall, Scorpius's unconscious form flashing through my brain every time I close my eyes.

…

The sun’s pink rays scrape the sky as I walk out of the dormitory. I sneak down the halls to the Infirmary.  Once I see him lying in the bed I feel the adrenaline fade and I feel as if I am made of lead. I sit in the chair beside his bed and feel my eyes droop.

I am woken by someone shaking me.  “Rose Weasley, GET UP!!!” I turn my head and find Miss Moone’s face three inches from mine.

“Huh?” I say groggily (I never was a morning person).

“You’re going to miss your classes.” My face remains emotionless. “It’s already half past nine. Get up!”

“It’s Saturday. Leave me alone.” And she does. But not after protesting a little bit more. I am left in the clean, cold silence. I find a blanket and fall asleep again.