#My brain's usually like this so I'm not surprised this is in the back logs of my head now.

[mechazushi]

So, I've got this KafHoshi fic I'm working on and it's starting to turn into a, like, 5 + 1 scenarios kinda fic in the vaguest sense of the situation. Which means I need to come up with senarios about Hoshina falling head over heels for Kafka and I listened to Super Massive Black Hole by Muse, immediately followed by Landmines by Sum 41 and all I could think about for a day was a situation where Kafka had a "Homer learns the bass" moment in his teens and his mom or cousin or something was cleaning out an old storage container and sent him his old bass guitar.

Not to overindulge, but basically my mind wouldn't let go of the image of Kafka singing SMBH, but in his Kaiju voice, which then morphed into Iharu begging on hands and knees asking if Kafka could learn the bass line to Landmines and be the bass to his lead guitar and play the song on his birthday in front of the Third Division with him.

And THEN my brain was like....

"Ok, but a Saturday morning cartoon about A rock band getting mystical guitars that transform them into humanoid Kaijus with super powers so now they fight crime just because and they have to keep the identity a secret from the police and Dollar Store Iharu leads the team and in the first episode show starts off with the band needing a new bass player so they start tryouts and a Kafka-like character shows up and the whole team isn't impressed with him until he starts playing an absolute sick riff and they let him join and DS Iharu's dad is the band's manager and he's a shit dad but he knows about he Kaiju Guitars/private hero identity thing (Cuz' he's the one networking the media to help keep it a secret) and there's a side plot about Kafka the Bass player becoming DS Iharu'd Better Dad and Reno's there too, but he's the "No enthusiasm" Guitar seller that sold them their mystic guitars and he had no idea about what the guitars do and the team rope him in once he and the rest find out KnockOff Reno had been chosen to help the people that became bestowed with the Kaiju Guitars and now KnockOff Reno is the team's Guy-In-The-Chair and HE gets his OWN character arc and him and Dollar Store Iharu start to fall in love and then you find out that Kafka had a secret love child that he didn't know about and then spend a season off screen fighting for custody and I've given this way too much thought already but doesn't it sound REALLY COOL because I could see it becoming one of those cult classic shows that were only made to sell toys, but it became one of the few that managed to transcend beyond that..."

It's never going to happen. but I do agree with myself.

[cerezagyaru]

So today's freminet birthday enrnfjfjr since his release I always look at Pers (the little penguin) and I can't stop thinking about furbys jdjfjt

If you know me, I'm obsessed with furbys since little fjjdjt, so I can understand how he is attached to Pers :"))

🫧🩵So there's no trigger warning for today ^__^ just a lot of fluff (? :P By the way, this is sagau au! And a little oc(??🫧🩵

(Again, my English is not the best :"D) (if you don't feel comfortable with furbys jwjrnt just don't read this :"D)

Since freminet joined your team, you become close with freminet to the point where he's not feeling uncomfortable or like he's bothering you.

Sometimes, he caught you looking at Pers. Of course, he was a little shy at first, but with time, he felt how you actually weren't making fun of him or Pers, so one day reading his history and listening to his voice-lines you smiled at him, you get up to search for something.

He was a little confused about why you left, but when you came back, you had something in your hands -" You know, since you joined the team, I understand you on how you are close to Pers.. so I wanted to show you my baby!"- baby?! He was actually thinking you had a baby, but when you showed him a little ball of fur with ears and a tail, he was surprised.

-"you know.. Pers reminds me of my furbys.. the way you are close to him, how you fixed him, how important it is to you.. I feel the same with my babies.." - he was surprised by how you see yourself on him and Pers, actually he was happy! Usually, people think he was weird for having Pers.. but see how you actually understand him and feel comfortable with showing him your little friend.. he felt really blessed.. and how it's true on how the others said about you.. he truly felt blessed.. for having this opportunity..

You see how he's usually serious face changes to a happy one. You were taking by surprise thinking it was a glitch, but you noticed how he was smiling until you logged off from the game..

🫧🩵 I didn't specify what type of furby you had :P For example, I love 2012 furbys, but maybe yours are 1998 or even 2005 :P jejtkt well, my brain can think anything now bye :P 🫧🩵

[cinnamonest]

Okay so! I appreciate all of the messages everyone has sent me, thank you for that <3

I just got back and have been looking at my notifications, I also got a lot of questions, some of which were recurring so I figured I can make one post addressing them:

>What happened

I'm fine, my guess is my working circumstances + short daylight hours triggered some kind of prolonged depressive phase. I am type II bipolar (I can't recall if I've ever mentioned that here or not), so I have regular manic and depressive phases, they're just not usually so intense. I'm seeing my psychiatrist in a month so I'm going to ask her for her thoughts on avoiding it reoccuring.

> Have I played fontaine arc

Unfortunately I'm not caught up, due to the aforementioned issues I also neglected hobbies/media consumption and haven't logged in in a while. I intend to get to this soon and then I can answer stuff about it!

> Did I finish HxH/am I going to make HxH content

Yes I did! I had a few eps left when I went into the depressive phase, so I just picked it back up and finished it while I was traveling this weekend.

I really enjoyed it, so I'd love to write content for it (if that's what The People™ want as well? Let me know)

> Have I played HSR

Unfortunately I can't play Star Rail because it's not on PS4 :( I hope to save up for a PS5 so when I can get one, I'll play it.

> What am I working on

There's a few things I'm either actively on or would like to do!

1) proofreading Diluc escape fic I've had sitting around forever (will post today or tomorrow)

2) another Hybrid post I started a while back (almost done)

3) I haven't checked on it in a while, so I was pleasantly surprised to learn Malebolge (the Morax failed escape fic) is by far the most popular thing I've ever written, a lot of people wanted a sequel so I've started the bare bones drafting of a sequel for it.

4) I might go back and finish the scara failed escape fic I mentioned all the way back in late 2022, I eventually got over the heel-turn dislike I developed (read: I have erased everything post 2.1 from my brain), I was already like 10k words into it so it feels like a waste to not do so. But I'm not sure, I'll just have to see how it goes

5) Sifting through old WIPs/drafts to maybe finish some, maybe start making hxh content etc

[christiansorrell]

RPG Read-through: .dungeon//remastered

For a while on Twitter, I've been doing read-through threads where I post my thoughts as I'm reading through a game for the first time. I recently did the same with Snow's .dungeon//remastered, a TTRPG where you are players logging in to a dead/dying MMO and exploring the digital fantasy world. I'm adapting those thoughts here for a proper Tumblr post! Enjoy!

First up, credits! Good folks who do good work in my experience. Also, we get the first of what seems to be a common through-line here that I enjoy: an online fandom bent to this all being a sort of GameFAQ style guide for an in-universe game.

My initial impression from most of the interior spreads I've seen just flipping through it is that I really love the style and layout. I think black and white layouts are underrated generally, but it really pops here with the pixelated text/symbols and the old school GUIs.

It's interesting to have these kind of "no bigotry" rules you see in many games couched within an in-universe framing. I think this more personal angle actually makes them land better for me than they typically do in games.

Of course, the author is still powerless to stop the players (just like with any instance of these rules, and all game rules in general tbh) BUT this is worldbuilding too, and it gives me a greater sense for the kind of in-universe fandom that's risen up around .dungeon.

Similarly, here's the game's unique version of safety tools - an in-game help menu that reworks things like lines/veils, x-card and more into the game world itself. I really like this.

Once again, the art in this is just great. I love the Fez-like runes/symbols. My ARG brain wants to know if there's a hidden message here.

I was surprised it was jumping right into the starter adventure, Tutorial Town, but I quickly found out that this is character creation AND a starting area/adventure all wrapped into one, video game-style, and that's so cool.

Each room of the starting area introduces a step of character creation. It's interesting that stats are based on real-world (not you the player at the table real-world but your PC at the "real-world" computer playing the game) ability. Your game knowledge, response time, etc.

As a long time Dota player, I also just really enjoy that the saving throw-like stat here is TILT. I have tilted many times and known many of my teammates to tilt regularly. Just fun to see that phrasing in a TTRPG.

There's more of the in-universe real-world player here than I expected coming in. Definitely has some really intriguing potential. I do wonder though if the intent is to be playing a "real-world" level character or if you are "playing" as yourself at that layer. Both would work.

Monster statblocks. Easy to parse and straightforward to run as the GM (tho at time the layout does have one two many things laid on top of one another that can make them hard to read at first glance - like where "GOBLIN" is here):

Health here is SYNC, and it's shared across the whole party - I'm interested to see how that full mechanic plays out and how it may affect play.

Reaction rolls. I'm surprised to see them given the video game setting, cus mobs in MMOs just always attack you. I've gone back and forth on it with my video game-inspired TTRPG. Don't think it's a bad choice, just one that means the game world is more than a usual video game.

So you have your real-world level Job (based on your characters' out of game job) and your in-game "Role" which follow the classic "holy trinity" of MMO design:

PCs and monsters can team up to attack and can forego damage for stunts - potentially fun/interesting moments happening from that. Monsters deal dmg to SYNC but only per type is interesting, means a crowd of one-enemy is more a long trickle of damage than an overwhelming burst.

Not knowing the ramifications of SYNC damage yet, I'm not sure what the Risk v Reward looks like for Respawns but it's intriguing. Letting your avatar die to keep the party in a stronger position overall (but being able to re-join after a fight) is definitely unique.

This is another fun room (and I like that other than saying late 90s/early 2000s it leaves appearance options open). I am not sure where to find the starting origins tho (they aren't on this spread and there's no page reference). Sadly, the PDF isn't bookmarked either, it seems.

This feels like a smart roadblock to place in player's paths early on. It's unlikely they'll have a lockpick at this point so really, it's about getting players into that creative mindset. What is in the room for you to exploit? What gear do you have you can use in a new way?

Might seem basic, especially to the OSR-experienced out there, but you'd be surprised how many players don't have experience with thinking more freeformly about the game in this way. No fault to them, most trad games condition you to use your PC's abilities/skills as a menu.

Another cool interaction between the layers of the game here (tho I do wish they all played more off of something more than just the tarot card being in the real-world layer). Still wondering if most folks play as themselves or as a real-world level PC.

This is interesting. I wonder if there is going to be a real-world layer to play or if this is meant to be the amount your party can heal between sessions of play (like when the actual real you stops playing in actual real life - this meta layer stuff is tricky to communicate).

I like this - a very short and sweet travel system.

I continue to love this art. Also, this tease here around dual-wielding requiring the discovery of new Roles out in the game world somewhere first is really enticing (I added the highlighter there btw).

This is fun - there are both in-game NPCs and PUGs which are other real-world players' in-game avatars. That extra layer to those types of NPCs is really fun and them running the gamut of fully out-of-character chatting to being hardcore RPers is fun to consider.

Whenever it leans into the digital world aspects, I'm super into it. Very much my kinda thing. I do wonder though how often players can swap their Roles. I don't believe I've seen that said yet - my inclination would be once on the fly (like Final Fantasy's Job systems).

And if these various layers weren't enough, .dungeon also features in-game collectible cards that are sort of enchantments and buffs. I wonder if my real-world level character can spend real money to buy Bytes to buy more packs from a merchant in town? lol

I won't spoil/detail too many more of these but these kind of fun (and common to video games but rarely seen when thinking of the world of a game or the intended way to play) moments are really appealing. Also, this game has Goons in it. Oh no.

Now I'm thinking the intention is the "real-world" level of play should be the real actual you, the person playing .dungeon the TTRPG (as opposed to a real-world level character still within the fiction of the game) since stuff like this would be tricky to track. Cool item!

Tutorial Island is cool, a good blend of char creation, intro to what the game is, and just a fun adventure with a session or more of play to it. I'd have to run/play this to really see but I find the Sync being tied to essentially your real-world session length interesting.

This stuff is cool and leans into that meta/fan-level play that only comes out of these big community-driven games, both MMOs but also things like Dark Souls.

A lot of these kind of possible secrets come as comments in the text, possibly just to inspire the GM and to get players interested in ways that the table can build out on their own over time. So far, I don't see some of the more esoteric secrets to be laid out (which I like).

The rest of the book, as far as I've seen, is lots of resources, gear tables, monsters, etc. to build out the game after player's leave Tutorial Island. The game world here has that anything goes Final Fantasy bent to it. There's swords & wagons, but laser guns & skateboards too.

The setting here is also explicitly queer (mostly seen so far in the "real-world" PUGs) and includes things like sex workers and other elements that it maybe could not have had but that would certainly lessen the richness of its world, the fandom presented throughout, etc.

The spellcasting uses the in-game money as mana points essentially. That's a cool way to limit spellcasting and motivate player's, especially spellcasters, to get out there and make some $$$.

Okay, here's the real-world explanation I was waiting for (after the in-game gear lists and such). This is cool - it's fun to have a real-life layer to this and to have the game's world support that sort of dropping in and out, doing things outside of a full party session, etc.

I know a lot of folks do this with ongoing campaigns anyway, but this is one of those fun things to include here to build that in as an expectation in play. You have your raid nights with friends and you have your little solo sessions after work where you sell your loot.

Now, the rest is a nice collection of random dungeon, NPC, settlement, hexfill tables and more. Everything you'd expect from an OSR-like ruleset but occasionally with some fun added meta-layers.

Players getting a quest from an in-game Moderator and then being able to become a Mod themselves is a really fun idea and something I could envision becoming a long-term goal for one or more players at a table. The threat of encountering an Admin is scary as well!

To finish it up, we've got a cool AASCII-style character sheet, complete with MingLiU-ExtB font (my beloved)!

And that's .dungeon//remastered! I really enjoyed reading this, and I think it has a strong core that's really enhanced by its real-world interaction layer. Gonna put this on "Play Soon" list. There are some smart rules in particular I'll likely steal for a future project.

.dungeon//remastered is available digitally NOW with, I believe, physical copies coming soon. I backed the Kickstarter to get this digital version. CHECK IT OUT HERE!

[shadedheart138]

Too Much Thinking Is Bad For My Health (Part One)

Warriors was currently staring at his bowl of lovingly made chili with wide eyes. Today had not been a good brain day, not at all. Another of those days where no matter how much he loved the person making the food, or how many times he was told it wasn't going to kill him, he just couldn't bring himself to eat it.

The war had been hard. Too many assassination attempts from poison. It had made him terribly paranoid, and for good reason. Finding hemlock in your dinner wasn't a nice surprise. Funny how that was one of the only things comforting him now, was poison. Both his savior and his condemner.

Warriors had gone searching, bones showing and body shaking, for a way to make his brain quiet about the poisonings. Once the war was over, he hadn't much a need for being so paranoid. But it didn't go away, no matter how much therapy he tried or how many medications he took to make everything stop. So he'd turned to older methods. Seemingly simpler methods.

Mithridatism. The act of self-poisoning yourself in small increments to build immunity. If you're immune, you can't die, simple math. No one told him that it could become his only solace, the only thing he'd turn to. Almost an addiction. How ironic.

Warriors' hands shook, as he cradled his chili bowl. He was getting weird glances at this point, and worried ones from Time and Wind. They knew. They were aware of how messed up his brain was. They weren't aware, however, of the self-poisoning. Warriors looked back down at his bowl and attempted to pick up the spoon. No, nope, no.

He put the spoon back down and reluctantly put the bowl down altogether, pale. He tried to plaster on a smile. "I just don't think I'm very hungry right now, Wild. I'll eat something later." He said to the cook, trying to ignore how his voice shook. He got up and dusted off his pants, heading to his bedroll instead of sitting down by the fire like he usually did. Before he settled down, he pulled out his pack and ran his fingers over the very small vial in the front pocket. Hemlock, the very same thing that had nearly killed him so many times. It brought him both relief and anxiety.

"I'll take second watch, after Sky." He called quietly, and laid down, eyes still open and wide awake. He ignored the whispers, ignored the "I'll just save him something, for when he takes watch.", ignored the "Time, can you make sure he at least eats something, once you swap shifts?".

Everything faded as he attempted, in vain, to doze.

XXX

A handful of hours later, Warriors was gently shaken by a sleepy Sky. " 'S your turn, Captain. There's a good handful of fruits and a sandwich wrapped on a log for you, that Wild made. He figured you'd be hungry later." Warriors got up, pulling his sword to his back.

"Thank you, Sky. Get some sleep."

"You bet I will."

Warriors sat on the log, looking at the fruit. Two apples, an orange. A pear, some durians. He ignored all of them, and unwrapped the sandwich. He had no intention of eating it, just curious as to what it was. Maybe he could toss it out into the woods for Wolfie, if he was around. Could lie and say he ate that instead.

Lying didn't sit right. It was turkey cheese. He wrapped it up again and set it aside, staring out into the dark.

Eventually, even the dark wasn't as comforting as it had been. It was too quiet. Quiet, but Warriors could hear every snap of a twig, every leaf, every rustle, it was too quiet but it was too loud but it was- He scrambled for his pack, hands trembling. He pulled out the vial. Whether he wanted it to or not, it comforted him. He'd take it around this time every night anyway. Consistency. The vial was mostly empty, nearly ready to be replaced with another month's worth. Warriors uncorked it, shuddering as he breathed in the smell of something so deadly, something so ready to kill him yet it was the only thing keeping him alive. He looked around, making sure no one was awake; double, triple checking- then lifted the vial of poison to his lips.

"Hey, you okay?" The voice startled him, and there went the next three days down his throat. Warriors jumped, put down the vial, and looked to his side. Time was standing nearby, dressed in only an undertunic and pale pants. He didn't seem to notice the vial, so Warriors tucked it into his neckline and pretended he hadn't just taken something that could definitely kill him.

"I'm f-fine." Warriors' voice broke. Fuck.

"Clearly not. What's on your mind?"

Warriors twiddled his thumbs and sort of hunched in on himself, trying to push the poison from his mind. If he focused on it he might just go insane.

"The war, as always. I promise, it's just bad memories." Not quite a lie, not quite the truth.

"Anything I can help with?" No.

"No, it's just..."

How do you explain to your little (not so little now) brother that you poisoned yourself every night? You didn't. It was something he refused to do. He wouldn't subject Time to it.

"It's just hard, remembering. I'll be okay." Warriors tried to smile warmly, it came out as more of a grimace. Time sat down next to Warriors and took a hand, watching him with that one eye full of such wisdom, such love. "You will be okay. How about we take this watch together, hm?" He let Warriors lean on his shoulder a little.

"Alright." Just to humor him. Just to show he was fine and he'd be fine.

"I love you, brother. Get some rest if you can, okay?"

"Love you too, Sprite."

XXX

The morning was hell. What the fuck. Where was the sky? Why were people talking so loud? What time was it? His throat, he couldn't breathe, it was so hard, where was the oxygen? Where...

Warriors groaned quietly, and several people jumped.

"Warriors? Are you okay, can you hear me?" Hyrule asked quietly. Warriors barely opened his eyes, then shut them again.

"Hylia, his breathing is barely there. Shit shit shit, Legend, grab a potion, a fairy, something." Hyrule said frantically. Legend was rifling through Wars' pack and pulled free a fairy.

Wind was crying. Who would do this to his brother, who was normally so kind, so sweet, who loved them all and laughed like the father Wind didn't quite remember? Who patched his wounds no matter how small, who sewed his favorite shirt together and held him tight when he couldn't stand the memories? Soothed him to sleep and kissed his hair and spun him around in the sun with a smile? Someone who was so strong and who was there for everyone, no matter how much he was falling apart?

Wind was crying.

Time was frantic. For the first time in a while, he was frantic. None of the Links could have poisoned him, everyone was so clearly upset and everyone loved each other so dearly. No one would poison Warriors, no matter how paranoid he was of it. Who would? Who would do this to the man that took care of Time when he was just tiny little Mask, who joined him in pranks and helped raise him? Who taught him how to read and write and do math and love those around him, when he'd originally hated the world? Who taught him to see the sheer beauty in living?

Time was frantic.

Wild was terrified.

Had it been his food? Was Warriors allergic to anything he'd made? Certainly he'd have said something? Was it him, who'd done this?

Four was at war with themself, a blue voice trying to place blame and a violet voice trying to list out everything and anything about the situation and a red voice sobbing and a green voice trying to quiet them-

Sky was also crying.

Legend was crying, though he'd hide it.

Hyrule was crying.

Twilight was pacing, and- you guessed it- crying.

Warriors was dead.

Then he wasn't; the fairy had brought him back. His breath was barely there, but he was there, he was alive. Hyrule shuddered softly, hands glowing with magic. Legend was still looking around in Warriors' pack, whispering expletives and wiping tears. His hand hit the hidden pocket.

Warriors turned just enough that the vial he'd forgotten about glinted from his bedroll. Hyrule frowned and picked it up.

Legend unzipped the pocket.

Hyrule lifted the vial to try and figure out what the residue was.

Legend took one of the vials out.

Hemlock.

They locked eyes, then looked at their pale brother.

"What the FUCK." Legend snapped, taking out vial after vial of deadly poison; foxglove, hemlock, nightshade, all manners of things. "What the fuck."

"Did he poison himself?" Hyrule asked, voice shaking. Someone called out the word poison, a question, then the worried voices and cries rose.

"Looks like it. Hell, he wouldn't have gone out so slow if he'd taken a full one. Why did he take one in the first place?" Legend cradled all of the poisons in a hand and stashed them away in a small pouch. More sobbing, a thud of knees hitting the ground, gentle shushing.

Time's eyes snapped to Warriors, who was stirring. He went over to him, searching for any sign that he was still being dragged under the poison's influence. He'd be sick and sore for a while after this. Wind hiccupped and heaved for air, wailing. Reminding people he was only fourteen, was still a child, had just seen his brother die. Sky held him tighter, from their spot on the ground.

"Captain? Are you with us?" Time asked gently. Warriors opened fever-bright eyes. His hair was messy, his chest heaved weakly. His body shook and he wheezed.

"Sprite? Th' fuck happened?" He asked, voice rough.

"Poison, Warriors. You have lots of it. There was a vial in your bedroll. Did you... did you take it? You're really sick, now." The 'did you want to leave us' was unspoken, but it was there.

"Shit." Warriors whispered. He closed his eyes again, then opened them. "Yeah, I took it."

"WHY???" "WHAT THE HELL?" "SHIT." "THE FUCK, WARRIORS, ARE YOU INSANE?" "NO." "WARRIORS, WHY?" There were various shouts. Wind's crying increased, and Sky tried to calm him, making Four join them to try and help. Warriors flinched. Legend was the only one who didn't seem quite as phased. Wind fisted his hands in Sky's sailcloth and shook terribly. Sky petted his hair.

"Mithridatism." Warriors said hoarsely. He closed his eyes again. Talking was more of an effort than he'd bargained for. His head was pounding and fuzzy.

Legend filled in. "Mithridatism. It's an old war tactic, I think, that kings and nobles and such would use. Self poisoning in non-lethal amounts to try and build an immunity. Could be seen as a coping mechanism, could be seen as an addiction. Can be both." Legend's voice was quiet and somber.

Warriors kept his eyes closed, nodding mutely.

"Warriors, how long...?" Time asked. Warriors just shook his head. He was so fucking tired. He wanted a nap. Everything ached. "Wait, wait, please. We've got to talk about this. How much did you take? Was it on purpose?"" Time whispered, anxious of the answer.

"Accident. Didn't mean to take that much. Maybe three day's worth." Warriors whispered, before letting his eyes stay closed and his mind fade.

"Watch him, please." Time said to Hyrule. Hyrule only nodded, crouching down to sit near him. He then went to Wind, to take him from Sky. Sky reluctantly let go, and Wind turned to curl up against Time. "Why?" Wind asked, coughing in between sobs.

Time didn't have an answer to give him.

XXXXX

Guys now I have to make a part two what the fuck it really got away from me holy shit

@rrainydaydreams, @rebornofstars IT'S OUT AND ABOUT AND HOLY SHIT I HAVE TO MAKE A PART TWO RAA

[cherrifire]

Archived in the Southlands: Martyn's Mix

Case #0211905-C

Original recording from Martyn Littlewood's personal supplemental tape.

[Martyn] Ello, ello! I'm Martyn Littlewood, also known as the Archivist. I reckon I've had that title for about 3 years now? And this is my new personal supplemental tape.

Word count: 2244

Be sure to read Case #0211905-A and Case #0211905-B before this one.

[AU Masterpost]

[Click]

[Martyn] Ello, ello! I'm Martyn Littlewood, also known as the Archivist. I reckon I've had that title for about 3 years now? And this is my new personal supplemental tape.

But to start, this tape is NOT meant for research or theories. I get enough conspiracy theory rubbish at the Institute. Something destroyed the place I was living at with BigB and Grian. And if I have to think about that case one more time, I'll crawl into a grave and let the Buried claim me.

I genuinely just needed a personal tape of my own to ramble on to. Lots goes on in this massive brain of mine. I just need something to talk to and get those thoughts out. This could technically be used as a memory log? Something for me to just look back on later down the line. I actually used to keep a log like that before the Archives and I kind of miss it.

I'm going to leave this tape in my flat so I don't get it confused with the hundreds of other tape recorders floating around the Archives. Maybe I'll be able to catch some fun stuff of my new flatmate too.

Speaking of Ren, I'm going to try and convince him to grow more than just roses. He seems to know a lot about caring for flowers, so I wonder if I could throw him off his game with something completely different. Oh, maybe something we can eat would be cool! I'll mention it next time I see him.

Though, I'm not sure when that'll be. I've noticed he tends to go out a lot, but that doesn't surprise me. He probably gets invited to all sorts of parties and events. Probably for the best.

(a pause)

Oh, good grief! For the record, I am NOT turning this into a gross emotional audio diary either!

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Someone knocked on the door today looking for Ren. I'd never seen him before but he said his name was Doc. The name reminded me of someone I used to know, but again, I'd never seen him before.

It's not unusual, people come by looking for Ren all the time. It's actually really sweet how many folks just stop by to check on him.

So sweet, it makes me sick. He's usually never here, but I always like to take messages and relay them back to him when I see him. It's hard to forget things nowadays, so it's not an issue. Though, I guess it doesn't really matter, since I like to change the message anyway, just because I can.

When Ren gets home, I'm going to tell him that Doc wants to make a diss track with him about Grian.

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] I wouldn't do it.

(Jimmy's voice is coming through a phone speaker)

[Jimmy] Martyn, I promise you, I'm quitting if you do it.

[Martyn] (laughing) Right, but I wouldn't do it.

(Movement is heard as Martyn starts to look for something.)

[Jimmy] (frustrated) No- but you're saying it like you are going to do it!

[Martyn] But I wouldn't though!

(something falls, making a 'thud' sound as it hits the floor)

[Jimmy] I can hear you rummaging through your things!

[Martyn] (wheezing) But I-

[Jimmy] If I walk into the archives tomorrow and you scare me with a stupid party popper again I promise you I will leave.

[Martyn] (wheezing) I just wouldn't though.

(another object falls)

[Jimmy] Martyn.

[Martyn] I wouldn't.

(something else falls. Martyn is probably doing it on purpose)

[Jimmy] STOP!

(Martyn laughs)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] I think my favourite thing about Tim is that I could tell him anything and he'll think I'm messing with him. I told him today that I was looking into a case about a cult dedicated to darkness. His immediate response was:

(mocking) "That's not funny, Martyn, stop it!"

(Martyn laughs)

(a pause)

I’ve known him since we were kids, but Jimmy doesn’t know me enough to tell when I’m joking, I guess.

(static)

Ah, wait-

(a pause then a light knock on the door)

Come in!

(door opens)

[Ren] Hey dude, is there a reason your rent paperwork has a completely random name on it?

[Martyn] Oh, Martyn Littlewood isn't my legal name. It just sounds cooler.

[Ren] That checks out. I looked at the name on this thing and was like "who is this loser?" 

[Martyn] (laughing) I'm a different person now. My loser days are behind me.

[Ren] Well, thanks for letting me know, Phillip Watson.

[Martyn] Don't you dare!

(Ren laughs as he closes the door.)

[Martyn] If he starts calling me Phil, I swear to God-

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] That play Ren's been rehearsing, The Rise of the Red King–it's starting to grow on me. I remember helping him practice a little the day I moved in, but I'm forcing him to let me help more since I caught him rehearsing it on his own again.

He was in his room just repeating the lines quietly on his own. I imagine he was only holding back so as to not disturb me, but the unfortunate curse for the beautiful Archivist is I hear everything.

Which means I heard the awkward silence between each line he read out. So I took it upon myself to start responding, to fill that gap.

He said something like, "and as you know, every king must have a hand."

And I, charming as ever, poked my head in and said, "two is preferable, so you can hold things."

Then he continued, "I can think of no greater person than you." 

And the accent he chose for this character was like a mix between Scottish and Irish with like a bit of pirate. It was so bizarre. I'm doing the best I can to imitate it but I just can't do it like Ren. And I-

(door opens)

[Ren] Good afternoon, Martyn.

[Martyn] Good day, my liege.

[Ren] Martyn, will you do the honour of being the Hand of the King on this fine day?

[Martyn] Oh my word. Do I get a little pin badge?

[Ren] Definitely, dude.

When a kingdom is formed, loyalty must be proven. Later there will be a test for you. And if ye pass, it'll be ye and me to the end!

(Ren clears his throat and returns to speaking normally)

It's shopping, your test is grocery shopping. I'm heading out, did you want to come?

[Martyn] Only if you do that voice in public.

[Ren] You're insane, dude.

The King likes it. And you shall follow in his footsteps! Today, both our mettles will be tested.

[Martyn] Oh geez. I don't think my metal is very dense, so I'm gonna struggle.

[Ren] Alright, chat over. Let's get out of here, dude. But um- are you recording this?

[Martyn] Ah-! 3 years and I still always forget to turn these-

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Good evening, my liege.

[Ren] Hand of the King. To what do I owe the pleasure?

[Martyn] The carrots, m'lord! It will be a bountiful harvest!

[Ren] Oh, dude! No way! Show me right this instant.

[Martyn] I took your teachings and successfully grew a small handful of carrots. Come see!

(a pair of footsteps then a sliding door being pushed out of the way)

(Sound of dirt shifting as a carrot is pulled from the soil)

Ta-da!

[Ren] (excited, high-pitched) Oh! Dude! Look at that!

[Martyn] That's right boss, fresh produce right here in our garden. They're a little small, but size isn't everything.

[Ren] Let's get these out of the ground and wash them. We could make a carrot cake with these!

[Martyn] This is why you're the boss. I would have never thought of that.

[Ren] (laughing) But what's a King without his loyal Hand?

[Click]

-

[Click]

(the recording starts while Martyn and Ren are in the middle of laughing)

(there's the sound of cake batter being aggressively stirred underlining the recording)

[Ren] Martyn, you're wasting batter!

[Martyn] You said to mix well!

[Ren] Dude! Not that well! You're getting cake giblets all over the kitchen! Stop it!

(Martyn and Ren laugh)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Ren] (mocking) Statement of Ren Diggity Dog

I have no idea what you actually do at the archives, but I bet that's what you sound like.

[Martyn] Dude! What are you-

[Ren] Yes, I'd like to talk about my strange roommate-

[Martyn] Ren, don't even joke like that! Now give it here-

[Ren] You always use this to record me anyway. Why? Is it your personal audio diary?

[Martyn] No! That's not what that is!

[Ren] Then what is it?

[Martyn] How about you just hand it back and-

[Ren] (laughing) You're deflecting, dude! Oh, this is definitely a diary.

[Martyn] (laughing) Ren, give that-

[Click]

-

[Click]

(all sound is muffled as if through a wall)

[Scar] Knock knock!

[Ren] Scar-

[Scar] Ren! It's been a while!

Oh man, I missed this place. It's been, what? Four months since I last saw you?

(a pause, then Scar laughs)

As talkative as always.

How's your new roommate? I haven't seen the Archivist in ages! Is he good?

(a door opens and Scar's voice is no longer muffled) 

Oh wow. There's a lot of interesting stuff in here.

(Scar hums something as he thinks)

(he starts to rummage through Martyn's things)

Ah! There it is.

Ren, you won't miss these, right?

[Ren] No- No, you can have them.

[Scar] Wonderful. Pleasure doing business with you, Ren.

[Click]

-

[Click]

(extended silence)

[Martyn] I thought I could trust him...

(a pause)

(Martyn makes a frustrated sound and tosses the tape onto his bed)

(fading as he walks out) Ren, did you touch the thermostat again!?

[Click]

-

[Click]

(door opening)

(silence)

[Ren] Sorry, Martyn.

(Ren sniffs the air then he enters the room)

(extended sound of papers being rummaged through)

[Ren] There you are- erm, whatever you are.

Statement of Pearl Moon. Okay. I can work with that.

(a pause then footsteps approach)

[Ren] When did this turn on?

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] (whispering and panicked) Ren has been standing on the other side of my door for an hour now. Waiting...

I don't know what he wants. I know he's been taking Hunt statements, but I have no idea why. I can't even tell how far gone he is or why he's hunting m-

(a knock on the door)

(Martyn holds his breath)

(extended silence)

(distant footsteps as Ren walks away)

Yeah, fuck that. I'm not sleeping tonight.

[Click]

-

[Click]

(distant sounds of screaming, everything muffled as if through a wall)

(there's a collection of a dozen heavy footsteps all quickly getting further away along with the screaming)

(Ren and Martyn are also muffled through the wall)

(Ren is laughing, hysterical and manic)

[Martyn] Ren, get a hold of yourself!

(Ren continues to laugh)

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Martyn] Hang on, I'm just going to grab a few random statements then we can go!

[Ren] (distant) Take your time!

(sound of a small handful of papers being picked up)

[Martyn] It's going to be fine...

(Martyn takes in a deep breath)

(he releases his breath, quivering like he's cold)

(a pause)

Fuck...

[Click]

-

[Click]

[Ren] (whispering) Martyn passed out the moment his head hit the couch. The statements he read helped heal his wounds a little. They're still... bad, but at least he's sleeping through it.

Me, though? I think I'm going to be awake for a while.

So I'm trying what Martyn does. Talk complete nonsense into a tape just to turn thoughts into words. I had to grab his audio diary from his room since the one we had ran out of tape. I'm sure he won't mind this one time. Plus, I know he listens back through this one all the time and I...

I kind of want him to hear this.

I guess first, Martyn looks terrible. I'm staring at his filthy face right now from across the room. He's covered in dirt and his sweater is completely ruined. Although, I guess that's my fault. But he's been wearing that same sweater for months now. Good riddance, I say.

I'll find him a proper style when he's ready to go out again.

(Ren chuckles to himself then pauses)

Only if he wants to, of course.

(another pause)

I think... I think he's stuck with me now. After my... change, he said the hunt was over but... I know he only put it on hold. I can feel my blood waiting, itching for him to run so I can chase him down again. He said he wasn't going anywhere but...

[Martyn] (groggy and distant) Ren?

[Ren] Oh- Martyn. I'm sorry, did I wake you, my friend?

(movement as Ren gets up and walks towards Martyn)

[Martyn] No. I've been up this whole time. Listening.

[Ren] I didn't mean to keep you up, dude. My bad.

[Martyn] Can I have the tape?

(the recorder is passed to Martyn)

Ren, did you know the cold is typically an attribute of the Lonely?

[Ren] So what's your theory on the snow back at Dogwarts, then..?

[Martyn] My current theory is that you're too much of a social guy to be attracting the Lonely.

(a pause)

[Ren] Oh, Martyn...

[Martyn] I meant it, okay? I'm not going anywhere. I'm with you.

[Ren] It's you and me to the end.

[Martyn] Yeah. To the End.

[Click]

[clowningaroundmars]

still suffering from bad motorcity brainrot so my brain conjured up a funny ass scenario where the gang finally learns more about texas' family.

well, more than just "texas has a real big family"

based off of chris p's confirmation that texas was going to have cerebral parents who are the exact opposite of him

Mike is of course the first one to interrupt the conversation and greet him, noticing all the screens his best friend had pulled up. Then, when a semi-preoccupied Chuck didnt immediately answer back, Mike sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees.

Chuck shuffles in on socked feet to the pile of Burners casually lounging in their main living room area and chatting.

"Hey, Chuckles. I said good morning!"

Chuck looked up suddenly, as if just realizing where he was.

"O-OH yeah hey guys, morning ahaha..." Chuck ran a nervous hand through his hair, revealing a furrowed brow that Mike immediately noticed.

"What's with all the screens so early in the day? You're usually halfway through breakfast before pulling one of those up," Mike chided jokingly.

"Uh so, like, late last night--"

"Morning. You mean early in the morning," Mike grinned, and then exclaimed when Chuck reached for a pillow to toss at his face.

"Last night..." Chuck continued, "I noticed something going on with the east gate. It's weird, the battery we found should have been full enough to last us 'til the end of the year but uh... yeah it's totally drained now, guys." By now, Chuck was taking a seat next to Mike and letting his friend lean into his space to study the screens. "And I was lookin' at the new motion sensors we installed recently and it seems like it drained fast right after someone... or something moved near it a couple nights ago."

Julie waggled her head, considering Chuck's words. "Could be a lot of things, honestly. That fusion battery wasn't really meant to last long anyways, it was only a temporary fix at the time."

"Yeah but if someone's trying to siphon off battery power from the gates, that could be a real big problem in the future," Dutch put in.

Texas kicked his legs in the air from where he laid on a beanbag at everyone's feet. "Wait, the eastern gate? Isn't that gate the one that was havin' problems that one time Kane busted in like about a year ago?" He crunched on some mystery substance in a plastic container.

Most likely something from Jacob's kitchen.

Mike laughed. "The very same, buddy."

"Tch'aaww that gate's lame. It keeps breakin' all the time! I wouldn't be surprised if it's just old and basically turning into total junk."

Julie turned to Mike and Dutch. "Y'know, he might be right--"

"Duh, Texas is always right!"

"...That gate really does have some history. It was the first offically maintained entrance into Motorcity years ago when Deluxe was first being built. I'm pretty sure Kane abandoned it on purpose after our crazy battle with those Ultra Golems."

Mike shook his head. "So he most likely cut the power from that gate then, huh. Makes sense why the battery's almost dead! That's a lot of heavy lifting for only one battery."

Chuck stopped typing on his screens for a second. "Why didn't we just scavenge for a newer battery after you beat that big robot Kane sent in? We secured that gate after, didnt we?"

Dutch and Julie smirked at each other.

"Someone might've gotten a bit distracted by an opportunity that ended up bein' a little too good to be true," Dutch elbowed Mike.

Mike guffawed and immediately tried to downplay the mistake. "Aw man, I mean yeah-- that, aaannd also we got that distress call from Doc Hudson not long after, too... so I mean--"

"Mmnn yeah, gotcha." Chuck deadpanned, returning back to triple-checking his maps and motion sensor logs.

"Anyways," Texas cuts in, "that gate's old an' dusty. It totally needs an overhaul, Texas-style. Hoo-WAH!!" He kicks his legs in the air in a flurry and uses the hand not holding his container to do a quick karate chop.

Everyone looks at him.

"Texas," Dutch starts patiently, "we're not construction workers, man. That's up to the Motorcity council to decide when the whole thing gets fixed now. I'm pretty sure they'd know about the power being cut off by now."

"Yeah, they should since I just pinged one of the council members about it too," Chuck piped up.

Texas shakes his head like a father explaining something to a child who isn't understanding what he's saying at all. "Yeah duh I know, guys, I'm not dumb!"

Dutch bites back a mean retort. Julie smirks again behind a carefully placed hand.

"I could just go to my mom and tell her everything! Then she can just send her construction worker dudes to tear down the thing and like, I dunno, hook it up to our own power supply or whatever. No effort on our part!" He flexes an arm casually.

A pause.

Mike was the first to speak up. "Wait, what? Your mom?"

"Uh, yeah, you guys didnt know my mom's head of the council?"

Dutch does a double take. "Head of the council?!"

"Yeah, Stretch. Head of the Motorcity council! She's been leadin' it since I was like a tiny Texas baby. She just keeps gettin' re-elected, heh. Makes sense since she's cleaned up and expanded a lot of stuff, I guess."

"...And she gave birth to you?!"

Mike elbowed Dutch back, hissing "dude!" under his breath. Chuck snorted.

Texas, as usual, lets the insult sail right over his head. "I know right? Both my parents are totally lame and boring. Not like Texas, hwa-CHAA!! They don't know anything about martial arts movies, sweet Muay Thai kicks or Texasifyin' stuff! They just wear boring suits and go to like a million meetings! My dad's not like in city council or whatever but he's a uh... a... what's-it-called. An archic-tech. He doesn't even build the stupid buildings and junk, he just designs 'em."

Everyone stares for a couple of seconds, Dutch rubbing his chin in disbelief.

"Wait, your dad's an architect?" Chuck asks incredulously.

Texas shrugs and stuffs his mouth with the mystery food. "Yeah? I thought I told you guys all about this!"

Mike leans forward and asks Texas directly, "does your dad only design buildings? Or does he help your mom with the city planning too?"

Texas munches for a few seconds before answering. "Mnnyeah, he's like... he plans and draws pretty much everything in Motorcity, like where the hotels and shops and stuff can go. He designed the whole downtown area I think. Obviously they're not done fixin' up the place, but the public bathhouse was his idea, so."

"He's an urban planner, Texas! Wow, not just an architect either, he does both!" Julie admires out loud.

Dutch leans back on the couch dramatically and sighs. "The bathhouse, oh damn."

Everyone took a quick second to reminisce about their trip to the bathhouse with fond smiles. It was a gorgeous Greek-inspired building as tall and beautiful as it was comforting, a recent addition to the bustle of downtown Motorcity. It had sleek marble walls, cozy alcoves for private meetups, grand staircases seemingly everywhere and polished golden accents gleaming in every corner.

The building was split into two sections with a giant-- and equally beautiful-- indoor garden separating the halves, and a courtyard with a net in the middle stationed out back for friendly games of volleyball or tennis. The bath itself sat like a reigning king in the front, right past the fancy lobby and locker rooms. In the back half, the indoor pool stayed open for swimming only in the summer. During the cold winter months the pool was frozen and turned into a makeshift ice skating rink.

Both pool and bath were massive and alive day after day with Motorcitizens relaxing after a hard day's work, meeting up with friends, or just taking the kids out to a fun day of swimming.

It was everyone's favorite spot to relax and hang out during chilly days thanks to the saunas as well.

Motorcity's gang members have officially sectioned the bathhouse and the immediate area off as a neutral zone, strictly banning violence and disputes from there. That decision was introduced by Julie and quickly adopted after everyone figured it'd be hard to tell which member was from which gang when they were all naked.

Knowing that Texas' father-- of all people-- was the man most likely responsible for that slice of heaven in an otherwise grimy and dark city was... well, it was weird.

"So," Chuck said, scratching his head, "your dad designs things and your mom orders the funds around. For, like, the whole city."

"Yyyup." Texas answers.

"Sooo... what does the rest of your family do?"

Texas takes a minute to think. "My grandma owns a shop downtown. All my sisters are out studying with people, doin' apprenticeships n' stuff. They mostly like to build and program stuff, one of them's over at the Cablers' right now. Oh yeah, my oldest sister is in a band! She's the lead guitarist and everything! She's badass, like Texas."

Dutch nods slowly, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Uh huh. Mhm. This idiot's family is super smart and accomplished. Now I've seen everything."

Mike huffs out a laugh. "Wow, Tex. That's uhm... yeah, that's great! Think we can shoot your parents a quick message and maybe pass along some ideas?"

"I've got tons of ideas for a more efficient electrical wiring system!! With better security in place too! And a failsafe just in case!" Chuck blurts out. He then realizes his excitement and leans back self-consciously. "AHA-- ahem, that is if they're uh, if they're, y'know-- if it's not too much to impose on them, of course!"

Mike smiles warmly at Chuck and turns back to Texas. "No, I think they'd probably love the help, right Tex?"

Texas guffaws, spewing a few crumbs everywhere. "Tchyyyeaah!! Texas' parents are always so dang busy all the time like... ugh. Yeah, Skinny over here would probably be their favorite guy for a while just for takin' on some o' the work."

Chuck grins and opens up a new screen with some schematics, and gets right to work.

[slutforthanatos]

So, I have a weakness for blondes. Armin Arlert x Reader. I want to write fantasy! So, thusly, I guess this is a very obvious fantasy romance. Armin is an angel, and the reader is a curious woman who has a weakness for pretty boy made by God. Reader is in college. This may become a series if I want it to be one. CW: Talk of car accidents, death. Religion.

It was a typical night with your friends. You all were sitting around a campfire, talking like how you usually do. You all had came upon the topic of the Bible, and angels, to be exact. "So, y/n, do you believe in angels?" Your friend says, curiously prodding. "I'm logic brained. If there is proof of such, then I'm open to finding it. But, in the world of science, my opinion would be refuted." You say, shrugging. "I believe a lot of things."

You actually didn't know what to believe. You seemed more inclined to believe in such, but you also were such a science nerd that your logic overpowered your fantasy-like beliefs.

"I need to get going, I have shit to do." You say, standing up from the log you were sitting on. "See ya!"

You began your walk home, your earbuds blasting your favorite music as you walked down the empty highway. Was it stupid of you to be walking down a highway in the middle of the night? Maybe, but you had to take this way home, and you were pretty sure that you could tell if a car was coming.

It wasn't until you were only 15 minutes from your house, when a car came speeding down the highway, headlights off. You instinctively went to move, but when the car slid, it knocked you off your feet. Everything went black. The pain was everything, and nothing.

You came to, lying on the side of the road. Road rash covered your thighs, but you were alive. You stare up at the sky, the sun just getting ready to come up. "That was a close one." You hear a voice say. Surprised, you sit up- well, you try to. The pain of your raw thighs and aching fucking back causes you to groan out in pain. "Who was that?" You ask, feeling like shit.

"It was me." You hear the masculine voice say. Turning around, you see a pair of strikingly gorgeous blue eyes. Then you see beautiful blonde locks, and then, a pair of golden wings. "Nice costume, guy. Did you see me get hit or some shit?" You say, thinking it's just some guy walking the highway.

"What do you mean costume?" He stands up, his hands locking under your armpits as he pulls you to your feet. "I'm your Guardian Angel." The reply would've made you laugh in disbelief, if it hadn't been for the feeling of your own knees practically collapsing beneath you. "Guardian Angel, yeah." You say, turning around to face the beautiful man behind you.

Now, if it came down to solely looks, you would believe he's an angel. He looked perfectly sculpted by, well, God. Broad shoulders nicely accentuated a narrow waist, while his wings glimmered as if they weren't some flimsy Halloween costume.

"Alright, if you're an angel, give me a reason to believe you." You say. "Okay. Your name is Y/N L/N, you were born on (D/O/B), you're a lover of science, and...." He pauses. "You have a weakness for blondes."

"So you probably found my ID on me, and you're trying to worm your way into my likes." You say. "I need a real reason, or I'm just gonna fuck off." "Alright. When you were twelve, you wrote the word 'Fuck' in your diary. You were so worried that your parents would find it, that you buried it in your backyard."

"That's it? Really?" You say. "I was expecting some real heavy shit." "I wanna see you fly then. Show me that your wings work." He jumps up, levitating slightly. His wings flap, sending him into the air. He flies around, his arms wide out, as he maps out the sky. He lands back on the ground. Walking closer to you, he asks, "Is that enough?".

"Well, okay." You say, looking around. "So what happened to me?" "You got hit. I saved you within an inch of your life. Such is my duty." He says. "Alright, wait, here's a test. Did you hear me talking about angels last night? You must've arranged some kind of fates shit so that you could prove to me that angels exist." And hot angels, too, you think.

"I was sent to prove a point. I was also sent to protect you." He says. "So, are you gonna fly back to Heaven, or are you my bodyguard now?" You say. "I always was, Y/N. You just couldn't see me before."

While you both are walking home, you can't help but be curious about him. "So, do you have any type of marking to show you're an angel?" You ask. He holds out his wrist, a symbol written on it. It simply says the word 'Divine'. "Badass tattoo." You joke. He glares at you, slightly, before clapping back. "Like the tattoo on your hip that you've been hiding from your family for years, even though you're an adult?"

Hey, now. "Are you trying to keep proving that you're an angel? Cause that whole flying thing really knocked my socks off." "You could've seen the tattoo when I was out."

"You're right, I could've." He simply says.

You arrive at your house, opening the door. "Alright, Guardian Angel.. I'm gonna go take a shower." You stare at the impeccably beautiful man on your front porch. "Do you want to, like, come in?"

"I go wherever you go. Such is my duty." He says. "So, we're roommates now?" You ask. "God willed it."

You let the angelic man into your house, his wings being slightly unable to fit through the door. I guess the person who built this house didn't expect an entire fucking angel to be living here, but oh well.

"Well, I'll be in the bathroom." You say, walking over to the hallway. You're astounded to see him following you. You stop, facing him. "I kinda, like, have to be alone for this." You say. "I go wherever you go. I have to look out for you." "Right, but, with all due respect, this is something completely different than me walking home." You say. Not that you were repulsed by the thought of this very beautiful man showering with you, but you honestly did think that all of this was moving incredibly fast.

"As you wish. I will stay here." He sits on your bed. It's not like he hasn't seen me showering before, you think. You come out of the shower, seeing him still sitting on the bed. He's like, a robot, you think. "Did you sit there the whole time?" You say. "What else was I supposed to do?" He says. "I don't know, what do angels usually do?" "We sleep, until given our task. We perform our task, until the angel of Death performs his." Okay. That totally made sense. Not. "So, don't you want to learn about the human world? So that you don't sit here all day?" You say. "I only have time to look out for you. Nothing else." "Well, you're gonna be spending a lot of time with me, so you can learn about the human world." He sighs. "I'm an angel. I don't need to do human things. I am here to help the humans." "At least try this." You hand him a treat. It's a piece of a chocolate bar. "Chocolate?" He says. "I'm sorry, but I don't have a need to eat-" "Come on, I'm asking nicely." "Fine." He sighs, biting the chocolate. "It tastes sweet." "You like it, right?" "I enjoy it, yes. But it is not part of my task to eat chocolate."

Oh, come on, Guardian Angel. Lighten up. "If you're gonna insist on living with me, then I want you to shoot the shit with me." You say. "Shoot the what?" He asks. "I mean talk with me, Guardian Angel." You say. "What's your name, anyways?"

"I wasn't given a name." He speaks. "Then, I'm going to let you pick one." You say, bringing out your phone. You search up male names, and you click on the first link you see. "Pick one!" You say. He stares at the screen in his hand. "I do not need a name, but thank you." "Come on, there wasn't one there that you liked?" You prod. "I'll give you one, then. I'm picking 'Armin' for you."

"It is the name you have given me. I will respond to it." He speaks. "You need rest. Your body is tired." You can't argue with that, since you're pretty tired. You get into bed, wrapping the covers around you. Your angel- Armin, sits next to you. "Goodnight, Y/N." He says. "Goodnight, Armin."

dividers by benkeibear

[viktors-still-beating-heart]

Gah, this is not rlly me returning to being active but finally remembered to log back in lmao.

Pr regular ED stuff the past while, been swinging between slightly restricting and slightly overeating. It's shifting though, I think. Got a friend who's real thin and they made a small comment about like not rlly ever eating meals and shit which has, apparently, massively triggered the ana brain. Worried about that friend tbh, idek them that well but wouldn't be surprised if they've got an ED. Gonna be keeping an eye on them altho idk what I could even do to help.

Anyway, binge eating shit had disappeared almost entirely for a bit, I can feel the urges trying to claw their way back but I'm hoping I can keep it all under control. Bought rice cakes for the first time in maybe years lol, return of the fucking king. Hoping to just restrict whenever possible as usual, atm I can't do any sorta coffee-only diet or whatever and I can't weigh myself but tbh I feel fairly confident than I can still lose some weight pr consistently so long as I don't allow myself to slip.

I swear I overeat for one day and I can feel the fat seeping into me, constricting, piling on like concrete. Ik it's probably just bc I'm full or just in my head or smth but it feels so awful. Plus there's this rlly cute and sweet person that I'll probably get to fuck and cuddle with soon and like... dudes... if I can get even a bit skinnier for that then holy shit. Kinda ridiculous, but I'd be so fucking glad if I could be extra hot for them. They probably don't care about that. I hope not, though it'd still feel good for me.

Bit mentally gone atm lol this had better be semi-coherent. Basically, I am alive, I hope that you're alive, and I'll likely be getting back into the groove of proper restriction and all that bullshit. No clue if I'll be active any time soon. Also, moving out has been great and there's some amazing people here. Life is pretty good man, thank fuck.

[runicmagitek]

In your Keinatsu head canon what do Yuki think about Miura? But also what do Takatoshi think about Natsuno? Really love your Keinatsu fics ^^

Awww thanks for the ask, anon! You're too kind. So glad you enjoy the fics 🥰 always game to chat about keinatsu stuff! Will put this under a cut for spoilers.

I feel my headcanons kind of vary from continuity to continuity. Like with What Leads You Here, Yuki has VERY strong reservations against Keitaro due to… well, it's in the fic lol. But more or less, she didn't trust him and was under the impression that he had hurt Natsuno somehow and didn't want that to happen again. However, she warmed up to him upon realizing how much he does genuinely care about Natsuno along with how much he's helped Natsuno out. As for Takatoshi in that fic, he expresses concern about Natsuno's well-being and even goes out of his way to watch over her after a particular incident when Keitaro can no longer do that himself. There aren't as many scenes with Takatoshi and Keitaro talking about Natsuno, but Takatoshi just wants his best friend to be happy at the end of the day.

But outside of that fic, here are my general thoughts!

I still feel that Yuki would be very "I'm watching you, pal" around Keitaro, but not as aggressive as she is in What Leads You Here. She knows Natsuno has already lost someone she's cared about deeply (BJ T^T) and with how resigned to dying Keitaro was during the final battle, I imagine she worries that he might also disappear from Natsuno's life. I could also see her stumbling upon the 2188 logs and learning more about… well, All Of That and just going "fuck me, guess that makes sense." She's always going to worry about Natsuno, but she's glad that this version of Keitaro treats Natsuno with the respect and adoration that she deserves. I could see her and Keitaro getting into a few one-sided arguments (mostly with Keitaro being all ???? what's the problem???), but then she warms up to him and is taking bets with the rest of the colony about when those two will FINALLY make it official. Definitely on better terms with each other than their 2188 versions!

As for Takatoshi, he's probably very amused by this leggy lady that has his friend perpetually blushing. He's glad Natsuno is just as much of a nerd as Keitaro is. He's also glad there's someone aside from himself to push Keitaro out of his usual shell. He and Natsuno probably get along pretty well (I can see them being morning jogging buddies together!). She probably picks his brain on and off to ask about Keitaro so she can surprise him with a gift or a special time together. And with how blunt and no-nonsense Natsuno can be, Takatoshi is caught off guard now and then with her remarks. I'm sure Keitaro also vents to his friend sometimes about being so flustered around Natsuno, to which Takatoshi just teases him a bunch….. then comes crawling back to him the next day with the same vent, because Okino is also bullying him lolsob. The poor boys and their reincarnated lovers sharing some solidarity, at least! And I'm sure Takatoshi reminds Natsuno a lot of Nenji while they hang out (neither Takatoshi nor Nenji likes this jdsklafjkdljfkla).

So yeah, they're supportive and enjoy their bestie's love interest! A bit of a bumpy start with Yuki, but long-term she's glad Natsuno has a great guy in her life and Takatoshi feels the same way about her for Keitaro 🥰

[ashxketchum]

TyHil stealing each other’s clothes or holding hands for the fluff bingo 🥺

Here it is (-finally-).

Decided to pick hand holding, since I've written a Pokeshipping oneshot for the first prompt and couldn't really come up with something new for it. Not that this stuck to the prompt in any way 💀

This is a direct continuation of Part 2 of the College AU, with the first half featuring a conversation between Hilary and my OC which I'm not posting here, but the full chapter is up on ffn!

[Send an otp + prompt from this Fluff bingo and I'll try to write a quick drabble!]

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Finally after a few minutes, she held her breath and began to make her way towards her room. Charlie was right, as much as it pained Hilary to admit it even inside her head, but there was no point in discussing how she was feeling with anyone but Tyson. She wondered if he would be upset with her, as she had sent him off to the room when he had started treating cleaning up as playtime quite some time ago, that she had made him wait for so long. When she rested one hand on the doorknob, she placed the other one on her chest in an attempt to calm her nerves. This was not the first time they’d share a bed together she reminded herself, he had spent so much time in her dorm room after all. However, the threat of Charlie or any of her other friends barging in at any time had usually kept them in check at that time while tonight would be the first time the two of them would lie down together on her bed.

She shook her head rigorously, not caring what it would do to her perfectly set hair that had managed to stay pinned up through the night. Her brain reminded her that she had to stop doodling around, Tyson could have just left with his friends at any point of the night, even when she thought he wasn’t really enjoying himself because she was so busy hosting, but he stayed. He stayed and he helped her move the furniture back, pick up all the plastic cups around the house and made sure all the leftovers were packed into Tupperware boxes and stored safely in the fridge, without her even asking him to do so. He wasn’t the kind of person who collected favours so she was sure that he wasn’t expecting to get rewarded for his actions, but she felt guilty about maybe giving him false hope.

Well she could spend an eternity overthinking this situation but the only way to find out the truth was to face it.

One deep breath later, Hilary twisted the knob and slowly opened the door to her bedroom, trying her best to keep it from creaking. The sight that awaited her made her breath a sigh of relief and bite her lip out of guilt at the same time.

It’s not like she had been expecting to see Tyson laying on top of her bed Titanic-style, but she also hadn’t imagined he would instead try to forcefully squeeze himself into the window nook which was clearly not big enough for someone of his size. He must have been tired after rearranging the house and cleaning up, and she had purposefully stalled her arrival, so naturally it made sense for him to just stop waiting up for her and give into the urge to fall asleep. Why he had chosen the nook instead of the bed was something that confused her, but what irked Hilary the most was how uncomfortable he looked, sleeping with his whole body cramped into a small space. She marched up to him and without any hesitation shook him lightly, hoping that that would be enough to wake him since he usually slept like a log.

“Hey.” Tyson answered groggily, lifting himself up partially to face her, eyes still droopy from being woken up so suddenly.

“Hi.”

“Is the house back to being good enough to host the Emperor?” He asked, even while being half asleep he managed to live up to his usual cheekiness.

“Charlie’s still here, so.”

Hilary smiled at the way his whole face lit up with a grin and he looked much more awake. He lifted his knees to make some space for her to sit down and she did, surprised that there was still enough of it for her to take a seat despite the size of the nook.

“Sorry, I made you wait for so long. You could’ve just-” She paused, her hand was already gesturing towards the bed but her face was now a deep shade of red as she realised that thanks to the cramped up nook, she had no choice but to look at Tyson directly and there weren’t many directions she could turn her head in to avoid meeting his gaze. Which is something that she would have preferred, especially when she was about to tell him that it was okay for him to sleep on her bed.

“I know, but I didn’t...I thought that-” Tyson seemed to have caught on to what she was trying to imply but was facing the same problem as her where he tried to look at anything but her face and failed miserably at it. His ears turned a bright red when their eyes met, but by now they both knew that attempting to avoid each other’s eyes was futile. Thankfully, he seemed to have more courage in him than her, as he took a deep breath and conveyed clearly what he had been trying to say earlier, “I thought that it would be weird if I did that without your permission.”

She found the anxious expression on his face cute, it wasn’t often that she got to witness Tyson second guessing himself and it made her want to pull at his cheeks until he laughed. Most of all, however, she felt relieved and maybe a little bit ashamed by how she had wasted time by worrying over whether Tyson would be able to understand her boundaries. He was somehow the most arrogant and yet most considerate person she had ever met, so she shouldn’t have expected anything less from him.

“I wouldn’t have gotten mad at you for lying down because you’re tired.”

She stood up smiling and stretched both of her hands in front of her, gesturing Tyson to take them. He looked confused but still obliged, intertwining his fingers with hers and letting out a loud laugh at her attempts to pull him up, watching her struggle for a bit before he finally caved and stood up, surprising her with the sudden lack of distance between them. Up until now she had been too nervous to meet his eye and now she couldn’t bring herself to look away, even as she took a few steps back and her thighs collided with the edge of her bed and she slowly climbed into it, guiding Tyson in doing the same with their hands still locked together tightly.

Her back sunk into the mattress as Tyson loomed over her, pinning her hands down above to her head. She could feel the warmth from his body seep into her own, increasing the coziness of her bed tenfolds. When he leaned in closer, his forehead brushing against hers lightly, Hilary wanted to tell him that maybe this wasn’t so bad after all and she wouldn't mind having him in her bed if it meant being able to feel like she was floating on top of a cloud on a pleasant summer day. But when she opened her mouth to speak, what came out instead was a long yawn.

Tyson blinked slowly in surprise before he lifted his head and started laughing loudly as her whole face turned red. She hadn’t felt exhaustion catch up to her at all, and as embarrassing as this was, in her eyes it was partially Tyson’s fault for making her feel so warm and snug by just being around her. Before Hilary could say anything to redeem herself however, Tyson leaned down again and planted a kiss on her forehead, finally letting go of her hands and moving next to her. He slipped his arm around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder, a hint of laughter still hanging around his frame.

“Good night, Hils.” He whispered straight into her ears, sending a shiver down her spine.

She mumbled a response, which she could only hope reached his ears as her eyes just refused to cooperate and had practically glued themselves shut. How could she not have noticed how tired she had been feeling until the most crucial moment of the night? Hilary used up the last of her barely awake mind to think about these things and to her surprise, her breathing slowly fell into rhythm with Tyson’s heartbeat, that she could feel pounding against her back, lulling her into one of the deepest sleeps she had ever had.

When she awoke the next morning, she saw that neither of them had moved too much during the night and were pretty much in the same position they had fallen asleep in. Tyson’s arms were still wrapped around her waist, with the only change being that her own hands were resting on top of his, and that her boyfriend’s face was buried snugly into her neck. She could feel his hot breath against the nape of her neck every time he breathed in and out, and was surprised how the tingly feeling on her skin hadn’t jolted her awake earlier, since she had always been a light sleeper. Her eyes eventually landed on the tiny clock on her bedside table and she couldn't believe that it was already well past noon and she was still in bed.

Hilary had always been the type of person who would wake up at the slightest sound of a breeze passing by and whose bodily alarm clock would not allow her to stay in bed after 8 AM, that is until she had decided to share her bed with Tyson.

[fascinationex]

I've started so many fics recently ;—;

This is three excerpts, 2 simpatico and 1 megastar, beneath this cut. There's sealpatico slowly happening also but it'll be too long if i put everything in. I'm not sure if I'll finish any of the below. Oof.

Very very mild nsfw below.

1. A cute simpatico cabling fic feat the mortifying ordeal of being known (and loved)

Brainstorm didn't usually cable—it was a bad habit for someone with secrets to keep. But he didn't usually spark merge, either, and after he and Percy had done that, suggesting he plug in seemed... pretty mundane?

Anything seemed mundane after a spark merge, which had turned out to be a thing that occupied a weird experiential niche between religious ecstacy and overloading so hard his processor crashed.

But this assumption had some flaws.

There was nothing mundane about this.

In part, because nobody cabled like this.

People had firewalls, they had adaptors, they had partitions and careful protocols in place. They did not just give over complete direct processor access to anyone. Not even medics.

Mnemosurgeons, maybe. But that wasn't usually on purpose.

Brainstorm's frame was warm, his brain was on fire with a confusing mix of horniness and acute embarssment, and there was nowhere to hide a single one of his processes.

He felt like... goo.

Mortified, squirming goo.

Perceptor could only be intimately aware of this, too, because he was burrowed deep in Brainstorm, delicate electrical fingers inside all his core processes.

Brainstorm was suddenly and intimately aware that his ego survived primarily through the grace of people never knowing him well enough to know what he was, you know, actually like. His closest friends found him basically incomprehensible, which was... simultaneously how he liked it and also absolutely unbearable.

And now Perceptor could just read all this straight from his brain!

Haha. Ha.

"I take it back," Brainstorm said thickly, "this was a terrible idea."

2. Simpatico not-quite-sex pollen

The crack of glass—glass, not even acrylic—was extremely loud.

Brainstorm and Perceptor both looked down at the canister. A long crack ran through it.

"Oh," said Brainstorm.

It... hissed.

"Glass is not an acceptable storage material," Perceptor noted faintly.

Brainstorm didn't even get to say anything too devastatingly clever in response, because the klaxons began to shriek. Alarm lights flashed. The blast door slammed down, cutting the laboratory off from the rest of the ship so securely that they could have been jettisoned without losing atmosphere.

The ceiling growled as decontaminant sprayed with surprising force down upon them, warm from its long proximity to the lights.

It was too late, of course. From that first 'oh,' Brainstorm had already seen the changes in his internal read outs. His biological systems were streaming errors so fast he wasn't even reading them properly, just discarding them in batches so they didn't impede his processor function.

His plating shifted all on its own: wings up, cockpit cracked open, vents yawning wide. He logged a note to find some way to store that decontaminant at about two degrees above the freezing void of space, in future. More warmth, especially in such a slick and slippery form, was not what he needed right now.

He turned the klaxons off with an authorisation code, and then had to wait for Perceptor to submit his, too. All such emergencies required more than one.

His blast mask clicked and he pulled it free. The nanites were clearly reproducing at a ferocious rate. He needed the ancillary vents to cycle cooler air.

"You know," Brainstorm began, before Perceptor could say anything, "I know you're going to say this is my fault, but—"

"That's an accurate assessment," interrupted Perceptor. "I am definitely going to say this is your fault."

3. Megatron and Starscream run into trouble together

Megatron suspected the ambush was not, in fact, some absurd ploy of Starscream's. This was because he'd been caught in it, too. Starscream would risk anything but his own interests. They had been walking back from an inspection of Shockwave's stasis facilities, bickering about how many flight hours were really necessary for the seekers. Megatron had been fully prepared to let Starscream decide that, given that he was both a jet and the commander of the Decepticon air forces, but he'd said "at least forty hours a week," a number Megatron was absolutely certain he'd just pulled from his own afterburners. "That's absurd," Megatron protested, unable to stop himself. The seekers had been fine with as low as five hours a week, before. Well... not fine, exactly. But fit for combat, certainly. If anything, it made them more aggressive. "Since you're an expert on the matter, it's a wonder you asked for my lowly opinion, lord Megatron," Starscream mocked. Starscream had an ego and a contrary streak five mechanomiles long. Megatron already regretted how much he liked it. "On what basis do you say forty?" "Well," Starscream began, already sounding alarmingly prepared to answer this question. That was when the gunfire started. The first shot went right through Starscream's wing, leaving a hole Megatron could have stuck three fingers through. There was a single hanging second in which Megaton just looked at the wound. Starscream's shriek left his right audial input glitching. Megatron flinched away from the sheer pitch of it, which was probably what saved him from an explosive round to the face.

[moonylantsovs]

Unlikely Match [ J.M ]

summary: You found yourself stumbling into Bellamy's tent at a really inconvenient moment, experiencing your first heartbreak, never expecting John Murphy to be the one to pick up the pieces.

pairings: john murphy x griffin!reader, slight bellamy blake x griffin!reader

warnings: angst, swearing, mentions of sex

A/N: This is an au for maggie's (@slytherinbarnes) bellamy blake series called 'sub rosa'. It isn't necessary for you to read it before this but I'd recommend you to because it's amazing! Also, this was supposed to be longer but my phone deleted it the first time I wrote it so this is the rewritten version

𝗆𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗅𝗂𝗌𝗍

You wouldn't call this a usual day at the delinquent camp, but it was close enough. Especially after everything you experienced in the past week. From a kid jumping off a cliff in front of you and making a decision to banish one of your own, to a mechanic flying down to Earth in a pod so you could contact The Ark and to John Murphy stumbling into camp, beaten up and carrying a disease you can't remember the exact details of the situation - that was always your sister's stronger side - but you can remember it spread like wildfire and it created complete chaos in camp.

But that was what the grounders wanted. To start killing your people off one by one from the inside. And John was the key. 

You didn't blame him for it of course, he wasn't aware that the grounders made him a walking contagious disease. But he was aware he gave them information about everything he knew about your camp so yeah, you were a little pissed about that.

Not as much as Bellamy was though, if you asked him he'd let John back into the woods without the care if the grounders captured him or not. You and your twin sister - Clarke Griffin - cared though and that was the only reason he was in camp right now and not running around the woods, alone.

You remembered Bellamy's words when you told him John wouldn't be a danger to camp. 

"Fine, he can stay. But he doesn't leave this camp or get a gun. He's your responsibility. So if he does anything, it's on you."

Truth is, Bellamy didn't mean what he said. He was just pissed John was staying after everything that happened with Charlotte. He knew it and you knew it too, so you brushed off his words and went back to camp, still choosing to keep a close eye on John during the next few days.

Now, you were making your way to Bellamy's tent. You weren't sure if you were going inside to apologize for how harsh your words towards him were during your fight or if you were coming to him as one leader to another so you could set things right and make the job of leading easier.

Deep down, you knew it was the first option but you didn't want to face your true feelings for him just yet. You wanted to at least wait until the war with the grounders was over before starting anything with him.

You stepped into the tent, calling his name, only to come face to face with a scene you never wanted to see again, it made you feel both nauseous and mad. 

Raven stopped putting her shirt on and her eyes widened at the sight of your figure standing at the entrance of the tent. You quickly put your hand over your chest, blocking out Bellamy's wide, guilt-written eyes.

"Sorry--" you stammered "I-- uh some people aren't back from hunting yet, so come find me when you're . . . done."

Ignoring Bellamy calling your name, you turned around and made your way past the delinquents that were still outside their tents and to the camp gate. The two kids that were guarding the gate were Miller and Starling, knew not to question why you - one of their leaders - was going outside camp, especially after seeing you already had a gun on you, and they let you out.

You needed to clear your head, the picture of Bellamy and Raven in the same bed half-naked was tattooed in your brain and you needed to get it out before you explode. You needed Clarke. But Clarke was still out with Finn and Myles, probably lost and you needed to find her but to do that you'd have to be able to look Bellamy in the eyes and you knew you wouldn't be able to do that.

A snap of a twig made you aim your gun - which you still didn't know how to shoot properly - at the bush the noise came from.

"Relax, Princess. I'm not planning on killing you anytime soon."

You recognized the voice belonged to John Murphy and immediately dropped the gun "What the hell, Murphy?"

He cleared his throat awkwardly "I uh-- saw you run out and then I saw Raven coming out of Bellamy's tent so I kinda connected the dots."

"And you were allowed out of camp why?"

"Because Miller saw it too and got worried so he let me out." John admitted, looking at you almost sheepishly.

You nodded in understanding and looked back down. The two of you never really interacted at a time he wasn't an asshole or tried to kill someone. He was the camp's psychopath and you were the invisible Griffin twin that hid in her parent's closet.

"Why wouldn't you kill me?" you asked hesitantly "I'm one of the reasons you got banished."

He nodded, rubbing his chin slightly "Yeah but you're also the reason I'm allowed to stay here. Plus telling Bellamy you'd keep an eye on me isn't a job anyone would take."

"How do you--"

"You're not very subtle." he interrupted with a chuckle "I saw you following me around camp with your eyes too many times for me to count."

Now it was your turn to smile sheepishly "Sorry."

"It's fine." John brushed it off with a shrug before noticing the sadness in your eyes and speaking up again "Bellamy's an idiot, you know that right?"

You scoffed at his words and shook your head only for him to speak up again "Well only an idiot would choose a one night stand over Y/N Griffin."

Both of you were surprised by the sincerity in his words. John felt a sudden feeling of vulnerability shoot through his body and he didn't like it one bit so he quickly plastered on his usual cocky smirk and added "I mean if you ever want to get back at him I'm right here."

You gave him a deadpan look "In your dreams, Murphy."

I mean yeah. He thought bluntly before shaking those thoughts away and grinning "Never said you need to sleep with me, Princess. There'd be a little payback both ways by making the king jealous. Just sayin'."

"Wouldn't you like that? you chuckled teasingly.

Yes he would. Because John Murphy could never get himself to figure out why someone as smart and as beautiful as you could fall for someone like Bellamy Blake. It's not like he's any better, but it just made him dislike the male even more.

"You know he doesn't deserve you, right?" John asked after a bit of surprisingly peaceful silence.

You just shrugged at his words, nor believing a word he said. But not because he had a habit of lying every time he opened his annoyingly smartass mouth. It was because you really couldn't see it. Raven was beautiful, the smartest person in camp, if not on Earth, and everything you didn't think you were.

Why would anyone think any different?

Noticing you didn't believe his words, John sighed and gave you a small smile "Well for your information, I'd pick you over anyone else any day."

"I thought the big bad Murphy didn't need anyone."

He stared at you for a few seconds with something unrecognizable in his eye and you were about to open your mouth to ask if there was something on your face when he beat you to it "Do you even know what my real name actually is?"

You narrowed your eyes in thought before a look of realization passed over your face "Wait 'Murphy' isn't your real name?"

"No. But it's last name and I go by it. My first name is John."

Before you could stop yourself you let out a snort - some would say it was completely unattractive but John thought it was adorable - followed by a chuckle as you repeated his name in disbelief "John?"

Said bot squinted his eyes at your amused, no longer heartbroken face, and asked "What?"

You shook your head with another chuckle "I never would have pegged you for a 'John'." 

"And I never would have pegged you for a girl that falls for someone like Bellamy Blake." 

He didn't even realize what he said until he did and was about to apologize, maybe begged you not to slap him but you laughed instead and nodded in amused "Touché."

And that's how you spent the rest of the night, sitting on a log right outside of camp and talking. Sharing stories about how each of you grew up and growing closer than you thought you ever would with someone like John Murphy.

But I guess there's a first time for everything.

[suometar]

Power song of the day: Wake up by Smash into Pieces

You can not resist, like a moth to a flame -- You know it will burn, but sometimes you enjoy the pain

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus) Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- From a life in fantasy -- Someday you're gonna wake up -- Gonna wake up -- And realize it's not meant to be -- You stumble in the dark cause you close your eyes -- Guided by the sweet talk lullaby -- But someday you will wake up -- You will wake up From a life in fantasy -- Wake up!

You try to cut everyone out of your life -- So no one can question how you can believe the lies

This is your favorite game -- But you're gonna be defeated -- And you're never gonna beat it -- Controls you like a slave -- But you gotta stop pretending -- You won't get a happy ending

(Chorus)

You're in the fire, what do you do? -- You wake up -- The final round is waiting for you

(Chorus)

Why? Well...

I'm coming down from mania.

Which sucks. And here's a glimpse into my 30 or so years experience of this nonsense.

But before I say more I want to say to everyone who I have been venting during the last month or so:

Please don't think that you have contributed in making my situation worse. You haven't. The fuel for all of it comes from within myself. I am nothing but crateful that I have had a chance to vent to someone because otherwise it all would've just clumped inside me and that would've made the situation worse.

And besides, not all venting has been caused just by mania. When I'm manic it doesn't remove the normal thoughts and feelings I have.

When you're stuck in a tar pit created by a certain person for who knows how many years in a row it's obvious it's not just the mania. I think you guys know what that's like :D

Coming down is like a really really really REALLY bad hangover

Except that you can remember every single thing you've done, the things you've felt, the things you've planned, what you thought of. EVERYTHING.

And you KNOW they're all just a result of the chemical imbalance of your own brain.

Coming down doesn't mean necessarily that I'm now depressed. It's just getting back to your normal state from mania.

But the bad hangover is real. If you've experienced that you know what it's like. Regrets after regrets.

What's mania like

That ecstacy of mania is an immense rush you don't really know unless you've experienced it yourself.

It's difficult to describe, but I think falling in love really hard and fast is the closest that describes it best. You have butterflies in your stomach all the time, you're hyperfixating on that one person and you feel invincible, like everything in your life is finally perfect and you're in control like never before.

Or even better: It's like being on speed, except without the drugs. Overstimulated 24-7-365.

Hyperfixation is typical for mania

In my case the hyperfixation can be basically anything from men (real or fictional, doesn't really matter lol) to any action, hobby or even work, totally depends on the situation.

What I do is I dedicate all my time to that one thing and one thing only even though I know it's not healthy.

Thank god I've learned to control it so that it won't take ALL of my time anymore, but it still is there. And I need to cater it to some extent or I won't be able to do anything.

It's like having a parasite you can't get rid of but you can make it behave if you give it some attention from time to time.

What's real and what's not? That is the question

When you're having mania it's sometimes super hard to differentiate what's a real thought and what is based on the illusion created by your own mind. And even though I am nowadays capable to tell the difference of my real thoughts/feelings and the ones fueled by mania the later ones do have an effect on me even though I try not to react to them.

The tricky thing is that your body can't tell the difference of a so called real/normal thought/feeling and one created inside my head fueled by mania.

A manic person wants nothing more than get more of the dopamine that fuels the ecstacy. Which easily can lead to a psychotic episode/period.

The saddest part is that manic person usually looks and behaves exactly like any normal person. You can't tell from outside if someone is having mania unless they choose to show it. Psychotic then usually is clearly psychotic and erratic and behaves totally out of character.

Triggers for mania

Anything can basically be a trigger for mania and they vary from person to person. For me it's usually one of the following:

an extreme negative change in life (such as death, divorce or other big things like that),

finding a new crush,

intensive concentration on some activity,

social media, or

as surprising as it might be: music. Especially any with a faster tempo.

Usually though I have already been somewhat hypomanic before the real mania hits. Hypomania though is very hard to notice because I'm somewhat easily excited and impulsive already by nature.

But I've lived with this so long that I know when it's going overboard. My manic mind just usually chooses to say it's nothing and I believe it like a fool - because it feels so good.

This time the trigger for me was intensive concentrating on writing. While the writing was crucial in easing my general anxiety this time it had this unfortunate side effect.

Nonetheless, I'm not quitting writing. Because the anxiety has eased significantly from when I started. I probably need to change the subject for a while and not to write daily or limit it just for 30 mins a day.

How a new crush can happen when you're married, you ask?

Oh, easily. See, with a manic mind a marriage is nothing but an obstacle. Nothing is but an obstacle that is designed to limit you. Because you're omnipotent. And obstacles - well, they're made to be conquered or plowed through.

In my case I've chosen to keep my crushes online and physically as far away from me as possible. I've made a mistake of crushing into someone irl and that was UGLY for all parties involved.

Thirsting over someone from afar online while remaining happily married is by far a better option.

How to control mania or turn it off

Yes, you can turn it off. The problem with that is that usually manic person doesn't

feel like something is wrong, and

doesn't want to get down from the high.

But there are things you can do to get it end sooner.

Log off from all social media. Seriously. Don't just turn notifications off - LOG OFF.

If that's not enough, remove all the social media apps from your phone. You can always install them again.

Turn off your phone if it's possible.

Don't use computer unless it is absolutely necessary - like for paying bills. You don't need to find out what age Barbara Streissand is at 2:30am - or, well, ever.

Social media is by far the biggest contributor for mania. The apps are designed to give us a dopamine rush each time we scroll down any feed and see a new post. That's how they keep us stuck on them.

When you already have an issue with the dopamine rush using social media just makes it worse.

You won't miss anything if you log off for two days or a week. SERIOUSLY. But it will improve your well-being tremendously.

The absolutely best thing you can do is to create as dull environment to yourself as possible. That there's nothing artificial you can drown yourself into. Best place to be in mania is in the middle of the woods without any mobile signal - trust me.

Take up an activity where you do something with your hands. Hands-on approach is crucial.

Doing things with your hands will root you into the real world.

It doesn't matter what it is: cooking, cleaning, handcrafts, drawing or painting (NOT on a computer or ipad but with real pencils/crayons/paints/brushes/etc).

Remember not to do just that though. Go out (without your phone). Enjoy the nature. Listen to the sounds of the outside world. Don't close your senses with headphones. Read. Watch out of the window. Stare at the wall. Watch the paint dry.

LET YOURSELF GET BORED.

Just stay away from any electronic devices.

The hangover is horrible but it'll pass. And you will feel better afterwards when you're functional again.

------

It's not easy. None of us chose to live with bipolar. It's always inherited. But there are ways to work through it.

I hope this helps at least someone.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

[rosicae]

Writing tip or something - planning scenes

Writing difficult scenes is always a struggle. Here are some tips to make the process a little easier, and more importantly, actually get something done instead of staring at a blank page for two months (guilty).

First, let's start where you left off. Maybe they're exploring the dark woods trying to find their lost cat and they come across a beast. Great! Battle scene time.

The first thing you need to ask yourself is what you'll get out of this battle. The main points, or plot-twists, if there are any. For example: Maybe the cat turned into the beast and they only realise as it lies dying; maybe one of the main characters die; maybe they find a key in the beast's skull; maybe they spare the beast and it becomes their friend; maybe the beast just dies and that's it. I'm not judging, there's a plethora of reasons you'd do anything in stories. Most scenes should have some sort of lead, whether it be key or death or kiss or whatever, depending on what sort of story you're cooking, but it's up to you.

So, figure out your main point. For simplicity's sake, I'll go with: “They kill the beast, they find a key”. Finding the key will be a clear lead to their next move. But for now, let's focus on the current scene.

You're going to want to order the events. Writing scenes like this off the bat can be pretty hard, so let's just go with what we know first.

I'm not joking when I say a lot of my scenes start out sort of like this.

Now, to build upon this beauty, we have to dig into each segment. Let's start with part A!

PART A - “Rosi encounters a beast.”

What sort of beast is it? A slimy tentacle monster? A catfish-pirate? A deformed bear? Dracula?? Your decision will affect the entire scene, so really think about what you choose. Monsters are super fun, so be creative if your story allows it! I'll pick a duck-faced bear spider hybrid. What does that do? It might help to draw your monster if it's a struggle to think it through. Here's mine!

As you think about their appearance, see how you can use it to their advantage or flaw. You might even already have ideas for certain moves during their fight, or what could be the fatal blow. We'll talk more on that later though.

Next on Part A, how did she encounter it? Was she up in the trees trying to check the sun's direction when suddenly it barreled into her and threw her down the tree? Did she trip over a log only to realise it wasn't a log but an angry treant? Is the forest cursed and monsters just keep chasing after her for no reason??? Maybe she's holding a tracker and the evil villain is sending the monsters after her.... it's good to think about, in the long run. For now though, let's just stick with: "she bumped into the beast"

But try to make it fancy. What was her reaction to bumping into it? Why would she bump into it? Maybe she wasn't looking while she was running and kept bumping into trees, but then one tree was actually the monster. The monster is clearly very fluffy (would probably make a good blanket), so let's make that a clear point.

So now we've got:

“Rosi was running along the forest without properly watching where she was going, when she bumped into a tree - but it was fluffy and warm and beating, not a tree. It was a bear duck spider beast. OOOO! SLAP SLAP!”

Slap slap being “the beast slapped her in her confused daze”, because who wouldn't be surprised if a tree was actually a duck-bear hybrid? This happens to be a perfect initiation to begin battling! On to part B!

PART B - “She fights the beast and kills it.”

This is absolutely the hardest part. It'll take careful consideration and pacing and- oh whatever let's just slap in every action thing we can think of. Even if you think it isn't good, even if it's just little phrases or actions or fancy words or teeny tiny segments you aren't sure about, it's good. Just do it.

-beast slaps her in her confusion/daze and she hits her back against a tree, much pain

-beast snaps its flappy duck beak and honks a bunch, muddling her brain

-rosi throws rocks at it

-rosi somehow breaks off its spider legs, unbalancing it

-beast uses its spider legs to crawl everywhere and be very agile and hard to fend off

-beast stabs her with its stabby legs

-maybe an injury from being slapped around

-rosi tries to run but it's always there

-rosi smacks its beak, very annoyed

-beast forces her to the dirt and pummels her with its stabby paws

-rosi evades its stabbies because the green drippy stuff looks like venom

-venom touches nature stuff and makes it wither

-beast lets out a bellow that shakes the earth and topples trees

-rosi avoids the trees to not die

-rosi scrambles to get up

-the most important thing is to somehow open its skull: plunge a verrryyy strong stick through its eye that tears out the key; or somehow trick it to stab itself with its venom spider legs and it withers and turns to bone/ashes and yay key (I like the second one so I'll go with that, but it's always good to list out your options!)

So I basically just took parts of the forest and parts of the beast's body and natural instincts of someone who is facing death and, adding some creativity, threw together a bunch of possibilites. It might take some practice, but once you're in the flow and have some experience listing this stuff, you'll get the hang of it in no time. Thoughts tend to be short and snappy in quick-paced scenes, so be careful not to go into a whole monologue about their past experiences, but absolutely show some reasoning to the complex things they do if necessary. And leave the monologing for when they're not being killed.

Now let's order them into something that sort of makes sense. It varies depending on what you want, so see if you can make your own unique battle scene out of this list!

-beast slaps her in her confusion/daze and she hits her back against a tree, much pain

-rosi scrambles to get up

-maybe an injury from being slapped around (tree + back + sudden slap = pain, this might be a good time to mention if they already have a flaw like having weak bones or an old injury, but if it isn't your intention to incapacitate them and you want to be realistic, have a reason for them not to insta-die without being op. Maybe she was just slapped into bushes and got little scrapes or a twisted ankle. Maybe she had a plushy backpack that took most of the impact. Remember where your character gets injured too, since pain usually hurts for a while and it's good to add that in wherever needed now and later. It can even drive the story along at times, like a life-threatening blow.)

-beast lets out a bellow that shakes the earth and topples trees

-rosi avoids the trees to not die

-rosi tries to run but it's always there

-beast uses its spider legs to crawl everywhere and be very agile and hard to fend off

-venom touches nature stuff and makes it wither (she notices here and thinks oh no, that is bad, can't let that touch me)

-rosi throws rocks at it (misses because it's agile)

-beast forces her to the dirt and pummels her with its stabby paws

-beast snaps its flappy duck beak and honks a bunch, muddling her brain

-rosi smacks its beak, very annoyed

-beast stabs her with its stabby legs (or tries, let's not kill her just yet if we're deciding on venom QwQ Maybe she uses a plank of wood to save herself last second)

-rosi evades its stabbies because the green drippy stuff looks like venom

X-rosi somehow breaks off its spider legs, unbalancing it (delete because the lower idea is better, but maybe earlier one of the rocks she threw can unbalance it a bit and it jumps on her to attack closer because it feels threatened)

-rosi somehow tricks it to stab itself with its venom spider legs and it withers and turns to bone/ashes and yay key (she tricks it by deflecting it with something strong, like a boulder behind her, she got out of the way just as it does a slash at her, and it bounces perfectly into itself

And just like that, ordering and expanding on every part, you've got yourself an entire fight! Obviously it isn't as easy as counting to ten and opening a pot to a finished piece, but if you just take ten minutes or, better yet, an hour, you'll get somewhere. All you need is the base.

PART C - “She finds a key in its skull.”

Keys are shiny, and if it's daytime, maybe some light can twinkle off it as it falls, or she could just notice it because who wouldn't notice a key trapped in bones? Either way, she picks it up, as you do (unless you want an eagle to swoop in and take it, in which case rosi will have to chase after it and climb a tree and try to take it back from its nest and blahdy blah but rosi doesn't feel like moving anymore after the fight, so let's go with the easier option for now). She might have to wrench it out of bones, but it's fine, she's already dirty from the battle.

So what's the key look like, hmm? Is it rusty and old, or fleshy but firm and warm as suited for being trapped in brains for so long? Or oozing in the same venom, and she has to wipe it off with special fabric only trolls deeper in the forest are capable of making, or throw it in a lake to purify it? Maybe it's short, or missing half that you have to find somewhere along the journey. What does it unlock? Rosi won't know now, obviously, but you'd better have an idea or there'd be no point to it in the first place. Maybe this entire journey is in her mind and she's finding parts of a key to unlock her memory which will be a door to her childhood house. Maybe it's a master key to the villain's castle. Maybe it was accidentally baked in a cookie the beast ordered from a special fish-headed-cat-run bakery, and the little workers will be scrambling around to find the key and be so grateful that rosi brings it back that they hail her as king of fish-headed cats. You never know :D...except you kinda have to, so please have some sort of idea even if it's small.

That's practically all you can do in this part, so next we're on-

PART D - “She questions the key, then goes off to seek reason for it.”

Assuming she collects the key, what are her thoughts? It's all down to personality. Let's say rosi loves keys, and she has a whole collection at home, and she loves shiny things. She'll probably squee at the sight of it and act very excited - "she snatched up the key and chirruped her glee (oh hey, that rhymes!), and after a quick inspection with gleaming eyes, she tucked it safely in her pocket alongside trinkets from the seaside."

Because, you know, obviously she was at the seaside before all this. Or whatever else she was doing. It's your call. It's their personality. It's an optional connection, but a valid one nevertheless. Careful though - if she carries too much, she might get weighed down and drown.

In her case, she doesn't really think too hard on the key. Maybe she's already fought plenty of monsters and gotten a nice treasure trove of stuff. Maybe she's an air-head. Cough. Either way, the obstacle is gone so now she can go off and do what she was doing before - albeit a little more cautious, provided she learns from experience. If there's a clear indicator of what the key is for, or if the character was actively seeking it out, that'll obviously give a different outcome - maybe they'll turn back the way they came (car keys), or head for the town of blue oak (blue key) if that is already in their knowledge database, or ask the next person they see and get guided or tricked.

Finally, let's put this baby together! Let's start simple for now and just slap together this monstrosity with whatever little stuff we think of in the moment and some proper tense. We can build it up later (not here lol I've spent too much on this but you can if you want).

~~Rosi's Magical Adventure~~

Rosi ran along the forest without properly watching where she was going, when she bumped into a tree – but it was fluffy and warm and beating, not a tree. It was a bear duck spider beast.

Fish. That definitely shouldn't exit.

The beast slapped her in her daze and her back slammed against a tree. Despite being in pain, she scrambled to get up. She staggered, feeling the pierce in her ribs, the ache in her feet, the scream in her head that told her to run. It was drowned out under the beast's bellow. The earth shook and trees toppled one after another. Rosi spun on her heel and ran, avoiding the trees that twisted her path.

Even when she thought she outran it, it was always a step behind, a step above, a step ahead. Its spindly legs granted it an agility she couldn't imagine matching. Not only that – wherever the ends of those legs touched, an iridescent liquid spurted out, withering blooming manes and wilting once-proud trunks in an instant.

She shivered. She couldn't let it touch her. Realising that her (flee, running, escaping – whenever you can't think of the right words in the moment, just think of whatever is the closest and use that until you find the right word, or you might waste an hour racking your brains when you could just keep writing) was futile, she pounced into a rolling stop by a mound of rocks. It disoriented the beast for but a moment as she scooped a handful of rocks and hurled them at it. Most missed, or melted into its ragged coat, but a few landed directly against its uppermost legs. It gave an unnerved honk and flung itself at her, forcing her to the dirt, pummeling her with monstrous paws and claws that snapped her skin as she raised her hands to defend her face.

It honked. She grimaced. Her vision blurred and brain muddled with every honk. On impulse, one hand shot out to smack its flapping beak. Its pupils contorted, enraged by her sacrilege, and its spindle-legs shot towards her.

Just in time, she rolled free and pulled herself up, evading the blows that scattered poison over melting green. One hit went into a boulder. The boulder didn't budge. It was ineffective. It sparked an idea in Rosi, but she wasn't sure, so she waited until it happened again, and again it hit a boulder and bounced without damaging the boulder. She danced her way around the clearing, then stopped directly in front of boulder, facing the beast with her lips twisted into a wry smile.

The stabby leg slashed her way, but she ducked out of the way at the last second. Unable to redirect its blow, the leg bounced off the boulder and went directly into the beast's skull. The venom was quick to engulf the beast. Its skin vanished like the trees. It was only (bones, skeletal structure remained) and it fell before her. (If you still aren't sure how to write a part, break it down even further, even if it looks stupid. Keep breaking down everything as much as you need, until everything is plain to see and there are no misunderstandings. Then add on, and keep adding on, until you eventually understand.)

Streams of sunlight (because a lot of the trees died, so now there's some light in the forest) glinted off a surface lodged in the bones. Realising the rusty old metal to be a key, she snatched it up and chirruped her glee, and after a quick inspection with gleaming eyes, she tucked it safely in her pocket alongside trinkets from the seaside. Then she turned and limped her way back home, wondering why she came in the first place as blood trailed after her.

~~The End~~

It isn't perfect – far from it – but it doesn't matter. It's a start. You can work with it. You can keep going. Finish the chapter by repeating this process over and over, then go back and polish it when you've let the experience sink in a bit. Who knows where you'll go??? (ﾟヮﾟ)/

I spent almost three hours on this instead of writing my own book, and I'm tired, so I don't know if this makes sense, but I hope it's helpful a little??? I tried not to make it complex as much as possible so people of many levels can understand and hopefully get something out of it;;;

It's the method I've been using for a long time, especially when I'm in a difficult part or just can't get myself to write anything. Start simple, get something done, and keep going.

….....which I realise is the complete opposite of what I'm doing. Oh gosh what have I done OAAAAAO

….also this is really long and I'm scared so I'm not even going to hard read it over or edit now that I'm done writing.

ROSI OUT

[sillyrabbit81]

Her Heavy Cross

Summary: Three years after tragedy hits, Lana she decides to start dating again. She meets Will through a dating app and they begin an online romance. After months of constant requests, Lana relents and agrees to meet and go on an irl date with Will. But is Will who he says he is? Lana is quickly pulled into an intense relationship forcing her to confront her tragic past. Will Lana face it or will she close her heart forever?

Pairing: OMC x OFC

Word Count: approx 2.5k

Warnings: Smut, swearing

Authors Note: The story started as a Henry Cavill fanfiction but I changed it to be an original character, but shades of Henry are still there. Hope you enjoy the story and thanks for reading.

Part 6 Part 8

Part 7

Liam's phone rang. He ignored it and let it go to voicemail. When it rang again, he made a noise of disgust and took his phone out of his pocket to look at it. "It's my publicist. I had better take this."

Liam answered the phone and went outside to talk. I turned the oven on and started to unpack the groceries. Then I got the roast, put it in a baking tray, poured olive oil over the top and seasoned it with salt and some pepper. I got out some onions and garlic and started to cut them up to place around the roast to give it some added flavour.

"That looks great," Liam said when he came back in.

"Thanks," I said, and I gave him a grin. I took the tray and put it in the oven. I got my phone and put an alarm on, giving myself time to cook the veggies before they finished. A thought came to me, and before I could bite my tongue, I said, "They do say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

"Really?" Liam licked his lips, looked down at his pants and said, "I'd say they were aiming too high."

It took me a minute to work out what the joke was. When I finally did, I couldn't help but laugh and hide my face in my hands.

"You've gone so red!" Liam appeared to be having fun with my inability to control my blushes.

"Oh, my God!" I said, still hiding my face and laughing. "Alright, that was funny."

It took me a while to stop laughing. When I did, Liam said sombrely, "Sweetheart, I have to tell you something."

"Uh, oh, it doesn't sound good."

"It's not bad. I don't know how you will feel about it." Liam then told me that his publicist had called to let him know there were pictures put on Instagram and Twitter of the two of us kissing at the pub last night. "Your name hasn't been mentioned, and the photos look to be shot from pretty far away on a mobile, so someone in the pub took the pictures. Sarah says they probably aren't going to tell who you are by the pictures unless someone who knows you well comes forward."

I think if my eyes bulged out of my head any further, they would have fallen out and rolled on the floor. "That quick?" It was all I could think to say.

"Yeah. It's hard to know what will come out and when. A lot of times I go out, and no one notices me, but other times I have paps or members of the public following me for hours."

"Who's Sarah?"

"My publicist." Liam reached across the bench and took my hand in his. "Are you ok?"

"You say they don't know who I am?" Liam nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I wasn't happy but what was I going to do about it? I picked at my nails. I needed to paint them; the pale pink polish was starting to chip.

"You ok?" Liam asked again

I shrugged. "Your life is weird."

Liam chucked. "You keep telling me that."

"So, what happens now?"

"Well, usually Sarah would say to private all social media, but she had a look and said she could only find a Facebook profile for you which was already private. Do you have any others? Instagram? Twitter? Snapchat?"

"No. I have a YouTube account that I use to watch videos, but that isn't linked to my real name or email. Also, a Tumblr account, again not associated with my name. And no pictures of me."

"Tumblr?" He raised an eyebrow. His fucking lip twitched.

"I was a confused 22-year-old ok?" I said a bit defensively. "I haven't used it in years," I remembered then the dating site we met on. I quickly logged on and selected the options to hide the account.

"Ok, well, there's not much else right now. A few rags called Sarah for comment. She said the standard no comment and asked for my privacy to be respected. The rest is up to you."

"Up to me?" I asked, confused. "What's up to me?"

"When you want to confirm the relationship and release your name."

"Liam, I met you less than 24 hours ago and have known you only a few months. I'm not ready for that. I like you a lot, but maybe you pick your nose and eat it, and I'll have to dump your arse tomorrow and then it's been a big song and dance over nothing." I joked. The mood had gotten too heavy for me. I wanted to talk about something else.

"Sweetheart, I'd never do that." He smiled sweetly, "I'd make you eat it."

"Ewww!" I screamed.

"Get over here." He chased me around the bench, and after a few evasions and some more squeals, he caught me. Perrin came in through the doggy door and barked at Liam a few times. Our behaviour obviously scandalised him. "Perrin," I called. "Come here, boy."

"You think your dog can save you?"

"Of course, he's very protective of my honour."

"We will see about that." Liam bent over, and I thought he was going to tackle me. Instead of flying backwards, I was hoisted forward and found myself over his shoulder. I screamed as I heard a loud crack, my hands flying to my bum.

"Did you just smack my arse?" I must admit I was finding all the manhandling arousing. I wasn't going to let him know that, though.

"Yes, I did. Want another?" Liam was heading down the hallway, taking me to the bedroom.

I giggled. "No!"

"The lady doth protest too much, methinks," Liam quoted. Shakespeare sounded good with his accent. I giggled some more, and I got another one. Yes, very arousing.

Liam hummed. "I quite like the view here." He rubbed my bottom and took me into my bedroom.

I was very close to his round bum. "This view is not so bad either," I said and smacked his arse. Unfortunately, it probably hurt me more than it hurt him. His butt was tight!

Liam dropped me onto the bed at that point, and the look on his face was hysterical. I couldn't stop laughing, and tears were rolling down my face. Then I did the most embarrassing thing: I snorted.

That was it. Both of us couldn't stop. Every time I calmed enough to think I could speak, one look at Liam's face, and I'd be off again.

Eventually, we stopped, and I was able to say, "Oh my God, your face! That was so bloody funny." I wiped my eyes.

"I think that may have been the first time someone's done that to me."

"Really? Didn't you go to an all-boys school?"

"Yes, but it wasn't the US." Liam tried suppressing a grin as he said, "we got ball taps."

I tried not to laugh. I really did. "Oh, my God!" I was off again.

We watched the original Mad Max before I had to go and finish dinner. I was horrified when Liam said he hadn't seen it before. I immediately made him watch it. He said it was ok, the concept was great, but he didn't love it. I told him he needed a brain scan.

When I went to make dinner, Liam offered to help, but I told him not to be silly.

Liam sat at the kitchen bench chatting to me while I chopped and blanched the vegetables. After a while, he said he had to call Sarah and his assistant Ryan to make sure he had organised the dog walker to take Cole for a walk and play.

"Any update from Sarah?" I asked Liam when he returned. I feigned disinterest while I finished slicing the roast.

"All the same right now. Some sites have posted the pictures, saying I was spotted drinking with an "unknown female companion." The pictures have circulated a bit on Twitter, but it's mostly just by fans. They haven't hit the mainstream yet. It's all fairly standard, and it will go away by tomorrow by the looks of it."

"Good," I said. A look I couldn't interpret passed over Liam's face. He masked it pretty quickly. I opened my mouth to ask if he was ok but shut it again. I said, instead, "dinner's ready." I passed Liam his plate.

"Thank you," Liam said, leaning over to kiss me before eating. I watched as he cut up some beef and started chewing. "Pretty good. Almost as good as Mum's," he teased with a wink.

I elbowed him, and God bless him; he pretended it hurt.

We ate in silence for a while. I gave a few pieces to Perrin. He was so old, and I couldn't help but spoil him occasionally. He won't be around forever.

After dinner, Liam insisted on helping me clean up, and we stacked the dishwasher. Watching him bend over, his jeans straining as he put the plates in, stirred some feelings. Erotic feelings.

"Want to watch another movie?" He asked.

"Not really," I said. "I'm in the mood for some dessert."

"Ice-cream? I can't have any, but you can."

"Not ice-cream," I said, shaking my head. I looked at him with my very best bedroom eyes.

"What do you want then? Want me to go to the shops?" He said, not catching on. I put my arms around his waist. "If you let me borrow your car, I'll go. I can just go on my own."

"No, you wombat." I met his hips with mine, his eyes widened. "What I want is right here." I wriggled against him. Liam grinned widely, his cheeks creasing in such a sexy way.

"I thought you were shy."

"I am getting used to you," I said. "The real me is coming out." The truth of my words took me by surprise. I looked away, second-guessing myself. Why did I do that?

"I like her," Liam said hoarsely. If he hadn't spoken then, I think I would have stopped. But when his hands went into my hair, and he pulled, stretching my throat, I knew I wasn't going to stop. He kissed me there, and his teeth grazed my skin. My fingers reached under his shirt, and they gripped his back. My nails dug into his skin.

"Bedroom?" I whispered.

"Bedroom," he agreed and walked me backwards to my room.

"You promised me something earlier today," Liam said in between kisses. We were close to my bed.

"What's that?"

He stopped kissing me and cupped my face with his hands. "You said I could undress you."

Liam took hold of my t-shirt and waited. I nodded. He slowly lifted my shirt up and over my head before dropping it to the ground. He tilted his head as if contemplating and gently turned me around.

I felt Liam gather my hair and put it over my shoulder. He caressed my back with his fingertips, making me shiver with pleasure. I heard him give a satisfied hum before undoing my bra. He turned me around again and took hold of my bra straps, pulling them down my arms.

When I dropped my bra beside my shirt, Liam took a step back. He looked me up and down, his eyes hungry. I wanted to cover myself under his intense gaze, my earlier courage wavering under his scrutiny.

My arms started to move, and he gave me a stern look. "You're not thinking of hiding now, are you?"

I shook my head and forced my arms back by my sides. "Good, because I want to look. You're quite the sight." As if to emphasise his point, he adjusted himself through his pants. I felt a thrill of excitement flow through me and felt the familiar throbbing between my legs.

Liam got down on his knees and kissed my belly. His rough stubble tickled. "Your skin is so soft," he said in a low voice. He undid my jeans and kissed a trail down as he unzipped me. His breath was warm, and I felt it through the cotton of my briefs, his last kiss placed just above my slit.

It was almost agony. I moaned at his teasing breath and lips. Then Liam pulled down my underwear and kissed my mound. I felt his tongue part my lips, and when he found what he was looking for, he flattened his tongue and moaned into me.

I didn't know what to do. For a moment, I wanted to stop Liam, but it felt too good. I could feel my resolve waning. I didn't want to wait. Why should we wait? What was I waiting for? I had to stop thinking and go with it, enjoy him, enjoy the experience. I put my fingers in his hair as he licked and sucked at me. He seemed to remember what I liked, and soon I was close to my peak.

One of his fingers played at my entrance. I silently begged for Liam to put it in. My core was desperate to be filled. His finger slowly entered me, and I was lost. I needed him. At that moment, all I wanted was to feel more of him inside me, have him fill me.

I felt like this was the moment. If I don't ask Liam now, I probably never would. If I didn't want him now, why am I even allowing this to happen? I wanted him. He excited me like no one had done since Andy. He had knocked down the defences I'd built to keep myself alone. Keep me in my grief and guilt. I didn't want to be alone anymore. I wanted to feel desired again.

"Fuck me?" I asked. The words just tumbled out. I knew at that moment I would beg if I had to. "Please, Liam, I want you to fuck me."

I wasn't sure if Liam heard me. He increased his attention, and I felt the pressure building. His hand gripped my arse, his fingers digging into my cheeks as he pulled me closer to him. The short rough hair on his cheeks and chin tickled against my thighs. My legs buckled. I couldn't stand up anymore. He held me there while I panted and moaned, seeking release.

I felt my climax arrive like a bolt of lightning. It was sudden and intense. My body contracted as waves of pleasure exploded over me. Short, wordless shouts came from my mouth until it was over. I collapsed onto the bed.

I laid there a while, eyes closed, trying to catch my breath. Liam was shuffling around and heard his belt come undone. I felt the bed dip, and I opened my eyes to find Liam naked, climbing up the bed until his face was above mine.

Liam supported some of his weight with one hand and laid on me, our whole bodies skin to skin. He was warm to touch, and he almost felt hot to my now cooled skin.

"Ask me again," Liam said.

Part 8