#Miracle Queen Salt

[miraculousdeservesbetter2024]

Dear show:

S2’s Maledictator: “Oh, it's not just her— actually, I don't even care about her— it's because I have no reason to be here: nobody likes me; I have no friends. I'm… useless.”

S5’s Derision: “Forgive me? What do I care about her forgiveness? I couldn't care less about Dupain-Cheng's feelings! She and the likes of her only exist to suffer for my entertainment. Why bother having power if you can't use it against those who don't have any?”.

…

[marcmarcmomarc]

(I wanted to post this in the form of a video with GamingMagic13’s style of editing, but I don’t have the energy for that.)*

People say Chloé’s redeeming qualities only started to show through during Seasons 2 and 3 because Thomas had no involvement in the production of those two seasons as if he wasn’t on the writing team on every episode for those two seasons.

The consensus shouldn’t be, “Thomas went away so the other writers started a redemption arc which Thomas ruined when he came back”. It should be, “Thomas and the other writers spent two seasons tricking people into feeling bad for Chloé by revealing that she was more than just a one-dimensional mean girl, and then yanked the rug out from under them just for the sake of yanking the rug out from under people”.

Thomas, your target audience is literal children. I don’t think subverting their expectations is that much of an achievement to brag about.

Also, does anyone else think that, if people weren’t so antagonistically vocal about Miracle Queen and didn’t harass Thomas over it and the “We thought she was redeemable” tweet, then Chloé wouldn’t have gotten worse and worse as Seasons 4 and 5 went on?

Considering the fact that, after Season 3 ended in Fall 2019, the show went on a hiatus that was forced to be even longer due to the COVID pandemic with only the New York special to keep us company in September before finally returning in Spring 2021, the crew had plenty of time to rework the scripts to worsen Chloé.

I would say this applies to Lila, too, but it’s not like feeling bad for her was ever a common fandom talking point and the only thing about her that could have qualified as a redeeming quality that could have gone somewhere (that she lies for attention that she can’t get at home because her mom is out working for most of the day, which only briefly comes back at the beginning of Oni-Chan) is now irrelevant (now that she has multiple moms and identities) because this show has proven how much it loves its retcons and has done nothing to convince me it’s not misogynistic, not even the half-a**ed attempts at redeeming Nathalie and Sabrina after four seasons of them making Bayonetta faces. I know I’m of the “better late than never” opinion, but that mindset can only go so far until “too little, too late�� kicks in.

*When talking about the GM13’s editing style, I’m referring to the one he’s been using since the Top 20 Worst Movies video, as in, the topic he is currently talking about will contain clips from the franchise the current topic is discussing.

Talking about Toy Story? Clips from the Toy Story saga.

Talking about The Incredibles? Clips from the Incredibles duology.

Talking about Cars? Clips from the Cars trilogy.

Talking about The Owl House? Clips from The Owl House.

Practice with this.

[charlietheepicwriter7]

Hey, Little Songbird

Chapter 31 - AO3

“End Days? What, could Hawkmoth not think of a better name?” Felix scoffed, dodging a blast of orange light from Rossi’s hand. “And what are you wearing? It looks like its from the sixties. Is that what was fashionable back in Hawky’s youth or was that dress your idea, Liar Rossi?”

“Stay still!” She screeched, her voice like nails on a chalkboard, sharp enough to shatter glass.

“I’ve never listened to you before, Rossi, what makes you think I’ll listen to you now!?” Felix baited with a laugh, smoothly darting around her desperate lunge. “Honestly, did you lose some braincells upon transformation?”

“You’re going to pay, Felix,” she snarled. “Once you and everyone in this damned class is under my control, no one will be able to stop me! Not you, not Dupain-Cheng, not even that pathetic Ladybug and her pet cat!”

Felix yawned. “Oh, a mind-control akuma. How original. That’s not been done a million times or anything.” As relaxed as he tried to appear, he was sweating internally. Chat Noir typically did poorly against mind-control akumas… At least Ladybug wasn’t here for him to sacrifice himself for.

“You’ll regret mocking me once you’re enslaved under my power!” She smiled sickly, her hand glowing with violet light. Felix tensed, ready to dodge. “But don’t worry. You’ll love serving me; everyone does.”

Instead of shooting at him, Rossi attacked the dreadlocked girl. The girl’s body was engulfed by the light, bubbling and growing to epic proportions. The light died down, leaving Horrificator in its place.

Shit.

Rossi crowed with laughter. “That’s what I’m talking about! Who would have thought pathetic little Mylene could have been such an hideous monster inside?” She smiled cruelly at Felix. “So, my monster, attack that—”

Before she could finish her order, Horrificator glomped Rossi, hugging the akuma tight against its slimy body and… purring. Rossi screeched in disgust, desperately trying to break free, but it appeared as though superior strength was not one of the powers Hawkmoth gifted her. Felix and his classmates bolted for the door.

“No!” Rossi howled, her voice echoing down the hall as they raced away. “After them! Catch them!”

Horrificator roared. Felix glanced behind him; the monster was close behind even as they reached the entry hall of the school. A gooey mass sped towards them and Felix braced himself for impact when—

A hero kicked him out of the way.

Felix fell over the second-floor railing, landing back first on the floor. Head ringing, body aching, Felix quickly tried to right himself as a high-pitched, whiny voice sent a bolt of pain through his head. “Oh, ew!! I had hoped I’d never have to see your slimy gross face ever again! Why do bad things always happen to me!?”

Oh, God. Please no. He’d just been saved by Chloe Bourgeois.

Standing on the stairs above him in her Queen Bee attire, Chloe sneered down Horrificator, hip popped and arms crossed, looking for all the world to see like a bratty rich girl in cosplay. But no, somehow this girl was an actual hero for reasons Felix could never understand. Was he hallucinating? He didn’t think he hit his head—his ribs throbbed in agreement—but that was the only explanation he would accept for being saved by Chloe of all people.

Horrificator charged down the steps, but a blur of black and a flash of silver batted the massive creature back down the hall it’d come from. Chat Noir stood in front of Chloe, staring down at Felix with worry etched onto his face. “Are you okay, Felix?”

“Peachy,” he groaned. The goth girl—the jock had fled when Chloe arrived—helped him into a sitting position. He took stock of his body; ribs hurt, maybe cracked? But his legs and arms felt functional at least.

“What’s the deal with Big, Ugly, and Smelly?” Queen Bee complained. “I thought we were here to take care of Rossi, not some small fry.”

“Rossi can brainwash people by transforming them into their previous akuma forms,” Felix said. “Not sure how that works on people who don’t have an akuma form, but I suppose we’ll find out eventually.”

“Ugh!” Queen Bee groaned. “Could this day not get any worse?”

“As and you will receive~!” Rossi called out, appearing from down the hall with Horrificator cowering behind her. The goth girl helped Felix to his feet. He whispered a thank you to her, getting a nod in response… he really had to learn her name after this. Maybe Marinette would tell him, so he wouldn’t have to ask? “Aw, what’s this? A temp hero, just for me? You shouldn’t have!”

Chat Noir faced Rossi, scowl on her face. “Lila Rossi, you are under arrest for voluntarily working with Hawkmoth. Surrender your akuma or don’t; either way, any supposed diplomatic immunity won’t protect you from collaborating with a terrorist.”

A butterfly mask lit up over her face. “What? You… How could you know that, you mangy cat?”

Felix cleared his voice, sending all attention to him. “Maybe you shouldn’t grab butterflies in the middle of a school hallway? Anyone could be around, you know? And in this day and age, everyone has a smartphone on them, so videos can easily find their way to the heroes.”

The mask shattered as Rossi glowered at him. “You.”

He smiled up at her. “Me.”

She fired a blast of purple light at him and the goth girl, but a mass of brown body slammed them out of the way. Felix’s scream died in his throat as the monkey man—whatever his name was—scooped them both over his shoulder, jostling his ribs, sending pain lancing down his spine. He needed a hospital. Damn, his mother and Marinette were going to kill him.

“Sorry I’m late, guys!” The monkey man called up to Chat Noir and Queen Bee. “Ladybug is still passing out the other Miraculous, so she won’t be here for a while yet!”

Another flash of the butterfly mask, of Gabriel talking to Rossi he assumed, and Rossi nodded. “Horrificator, get them!” She pointed at the heroes present before running off.

Felix slapped the monkey man’s shoulder. “She’s going off to look for Ladybug, you dunce!” He shouted over the fight.

“What?”

“You literally just told an akuma that Ladybug had multiple Miraculous on her, and didn’t expect her to try and steal them!? Go stop her before she figures out you lied!” he hissed at the buffoon.

“I can’t leave them to fight alone!” he protested.

“They have dealt with that akuma before!”

The monkey man tried to protest again, but hissed in pain. The goth girl dug her sharp nails deeper into his neck. “You are not messing this up for Ladybug,” she said, voice low and threatening. “Fix your problem, before I fix you.”

The monkey man agreed, tears budding in his eyes before the goth girl let go, and set them down. Felix hissed in pain, his ribs throbbing again. The temporary hero ran after Rossi, leaving him and the goth girl as alone as they could be with a massive battle happening on the stairs above them. “Thank you.”

She eyed him from underneath her bangs. “Do you still have a job to do?” She certainly didn’t beat around the bush.

“I do. Will you be safe if I leave you here?”

“I’ve been in akuma attacks before. I know how to run.”

“Then I’ll leave you to it.”

Stumbling a bit at first, Felix sprinted towards the back of the school, the direction Rossi ran towards. He had to keep her attention on him. But how could he do that if she was now focused on stealing Miraculous—

“That girl was suuuper intimidating, right?”

Felix instinctively slapped Duusu. The kwami soared across the hall, hitting the opposite wall with a faint squeak. “Have you been here the entire time!?”

“Maybe!” Popping up like pain or physics didn’t affect it—and for all Felix knew, that was the truth—Duusu immediately got in his face again. “But you gotta admit it, I certainly appear whenever I’m needed! And what an entrance too!”

“I don’t need you,” he said, picking up the pace.

Duusu flew along side him. “You dooooooooo. At least, you do if you want Rossi’s attention away from Ladybug. And back.” A poke. “On.” Poke. “You!” Poke.

He stopped, eyeing the little creature. It vibrated with excitement. “You want me to wear your Miraculous.”

“You’re already wearing my Miraculous,” it corrected. “I want you to be a hero.”

“I’m not a hero.” The reply was instinctive.

“You don’t have a choice. Not unless you want your uncle Gabby to be arrested properly. Just think of how angry he’ll be when he sees you dressed in my indigo and pink. He’ll be livid.” It chuckled evilly.

The idea was… attractive. Felix lived for pissing off his uncle. But still… “I’m not a hero. I’m not selfless, or compassionate, or courageous. Shouldn’t you be encouraging me not to use you for selfish reasons?”

“I’m the kwami of emotion,” it said, shrugging. “That means all emotion, you know? Just because you humans have labeled some emotions as good and others as bad… doesn’t mean they are. And Felix? You are so filled with emotion. There’s so much passion and malice and sorrow and anxiety in you, and all of it makes you perfect.”

“…Really?”

“What would I gain by lying? I haven’t met someone so fitting of my Miraculous since my Emilie; I’d be honored for you to be my next true holder.”

Felix looked down at the Miraculous pinned to his hoodie. It was like he was seeing it for the first time. The five, dull gold feathers that made up the body of the brooch distorted his reflection, and the five teardrop garnets sparkled in the florescent light. Such a little thing, with so much power. He didn’t know what to say.

“Plus… you want to keep Marinette safe, right?” His head snapped up. Duusu grinned smugly down at him. “Every second you’re away, Rossi could change her mind and go after her. If you want to keep her safe, say the magic words: Duusu, spread my feathers!”

Felix licked his lips. “Alright. But we need to find a closet or bathroom or somewhere else private.”

“What? Why?”

“I literally just called Rossi out for transforming in public; there’s no way I’ll make the same mistake as her. It’s bad enough I was even talking to you in a public place.”

“…Fair enough. Let’s goooo!”

Felix already regretted agreeing.

Taglist: @graduatedmelon @novicevoice@dur55@kris-pines04@18-fandoms-unite-08@moonlightstar64@bee-a-garbage-shipper@sol-o-shade@kittyotakunoir666@tinyterror333@allieoftheenemy@marichat00@xgxmxtx@two-faced-biatch@feliciakainzofspades@evil-cricket@emilytopaz@spicybelladonna@chocolateherringtacofan@user00000003@wannajointhecrabcult@happymonster-pants @duquesapincarrasca  @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen  @sxltinette @kittydemon9000 @thetrashypanda423 @unoriginalmessess @toodaloo-kangaroo @troycattribunny

[gameguy20100]

I think it's interesting that Chloe stans love bringing Felix up when they call double standards.

" Oh so the guy who stole the Miraculous gets a redemption but not her!?"

Uh, Chloe did that too. Remember Season 3 final two parter.

And as much as it disguts me to defend Felix. His motivation is a lot more understandable than Chloe’s. Keep in mind I said "understandable" not sympathetic.

Felix: I'm using this as a bargaining chip to get the power that controls my existence. Sure I'm putting people at risk. But I'll fix that later I am so smart!

He isn't, by the way. He just got lucky.

Chloe: I'm stealing superpowers for myself because I can't accept being told "no"

Just saying. You can call double standards if you like. But you can't say Chloe is a better person than Felix.

[iwasbored777]

Everyone is like "if Ladybug called Queen Bee instead of Ryuko in Miracle Queen Chloé wouldn't have joined Hawk Moth" but no one is like "if Ladybug called any other hero instead of Queen Bee whether she involved her feelings for Adrien in that or not Chloé would've still joined Hawk Moth". It's true that Ladybug called Ryuko so Kagami wouldn't make a move on Adrien while she left them alone but if she called literally anyone else Chloé would still get mad because she couldn't wait for Ladybug to call her. That's why I was so mad that everyone blamed Marinette for it. She is partly to blame but if Marinette didn't make the choice based on her feelings for Adrien Chloé would've made the same wrong choice anyway.

Strikeback also but the other way around. If Ladybug picked Adrien because of her feelings for him not because she actually needed him, it would've still been Félix cosplaying as his cousin and he would've still steal from her. And for this - it was entirely Félix's fault. Marinette made a good decision here but he fucked up.

[dreamwreaver]

Here's how I make miracle queen better than canon

I'm gonna say this, as fun as I found the episode as a stand-alone, in the greater context of the series it heralds where you can tell the writers got stuck. S3 should have been the end of Gabriel's tenure as hawkmoth, given how much work (by their standards) was set up to foreshadow Lila becoming the next one. Gabriel should have had his final defeat here, but he didn't. Now I'm gonna tell you how he should in a way that doesn't turn Chloe into an idiot.

Let me remind you all that Chloe has a penchant for convoluted schemes even when they require thinking on her feet. The stupid self insert episode animaestro taught us that.

So, Chloe, NOT being the idiot she's later portrayed as, realizes something. If she truly wants to prove herself as a hero, someone exceptional, someone truly worthy (or entitled, whichever you prefer) to her miraculous; she needs to do the one thing ladybug and chat noir never could. She becomes Miracle Queen and as she stands with Hawkmoth as her swarms paralyze the population of Paris she summons all the miraculous holders to her. And as hawkmoth is celebrating his premature victory, she turns to him and says,

"Oh no, I must have misspoken, I meant ALL the miraculous holders."

Then dragonbug and chat noir arrived attempting to reason with/defeat Chloe. But she's standing there with her "royal guard" of heroes, and looking like she's been expecting them.

She doesn't order everyone to attack, and in trying to protect themselves from Miracle Queen's wasps they've essentially imprisoned themselves. But she knows that, and she's taking glee in the fact that she has a captive audience.

With all the theatrics, no one has noticed how oddly silent Hawkmoth has been. Mayura is still observing, trying to get the sentimonster to attack jade turtle's shelter, but she's too far away to hear what's been going on, until now.

As ladybug and chat noir wonder what she's doing Chloe gloats that now she'll be the one true hero of Paris, as there will be no need for the others once hawkmoth is defeated. Obviously as she's akumatized they wonder what she means.

Chloe orders hawkmoth to stand before them, and it's with malicious glee that she snatches the butterfly miraculous from off his chest. And then, things go wrong.

When hawkmoth's identity is revealed a large gasp rips through the conscious crowd of three. Adrien makes the fatal mistake of gasping in a horrified whisper,

"Father?"

That catches Chloe's attention, "Adrikins?"

Marinette is now freaking out because the goofball who's been trying to get her affection for months now is the same guy she's been unable to speak properly around for about the same length of time. But while Chloe's sputtering in disbelief about how her perfect Adrikins would willingly become a flea bitten cat, her ire suddenly turns towards Gabriel.

Because Chloe holds a grudge. She knows how hard its been for Adrien to lose his mom. Knows how distant his father has become and how much it's hurt him. And it's canon how viciously protective of adrien Chloe is. So to now have the knowledge that the reason Adrien essentially lost both parents is because his dad was off playing supervillain... her rage is palpable.

So palpable in fact that she breaks free of the akuma because of her disgust with the man in front of her. A man who throughout her young childhood was essentially family. Every memory, every Akumatization comes flooding back and she breaks free. The wasps disappear, the heroes under Chloe's control all come to, and wonder where they are and how they got transformed, and gabriel suddenly realizes he's the center of three people's attention. Then the toll of the forced detransformation and Chloe's break from his akuma sends him to his knees. He sees queen bee standing over him with a clenched fist, and when he winces from the expected impact, it doesn't come.

When he peeks, all he can see is the brattiest kid in Paris looking at him with utter condescension in a way certainly no child has ever looked at him. And she only has one thing to say,

"Ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous."

With the wasps gone dragonbug drops her shield. And they approach. And Chloe, to her credit, does the selfless thing. It's safer for the butterfly to be with Ladybug than with Gabriel. And besides, Chloe wants to see gabriel ripped apart at her own father's hands. This was the man who akumatized her parents; three times now.

But as she goes to hand it over a object knocks into her hand, causing the butterfly to go flying and caught by a blur of blue. Mayura has realized what's going on, and forgotten about the guardian entirely; too focused on saving gabriel. She picks him up and starts running, but everyone is still too shocked to do anything. Until master fu shows up, revealing that not only have the villains gotten away, but so is his tablet with the decoded grimoire. The peacock and butterfly miraculous are still lost, and now ladybug and chat noir must relinquish their miraculous as their identities have been compromised.

But Marinette, with mc plot armor, convinces him that they know who hawkmoth is, or was rather. And that Chloe's identity has been public since day one, and now only chat noir has been revealed. Her identity is still in tact, but she works best with her kitty and if chloe promises to keep it a secret he can remain a hero.

Chat noir begs chloe to do this for him, and since she could never deny her Adrikins anything she agrees, on the condition that ladybug allows her to permanently keep her miraculous. Ladybug is hesitant, since even though hawkmoth has been defeated the butterfly miraculous is still lost which means mayura could still use it. And beyond that Chloe still sided with the villain, betraying him for her own glory. Master fu says that since the identity of hawkmoth is known it's merely a matter of tracking him down, and the more heroes that can be devoted to that cause the better. So ladybug tentatively agrees, Chloe keeps pollen, and we allow ourselves a happy end.

Cut to nathalie, considerably weaker with a broken miraculous resting in the limo as Gabriel's adrenaline kicks in and he feels like a fool that Nathalie wasted the last of her strength on a plan that failed so hard he can no longer be hawkmoth, and now he must either flee or hide. But nathalie says that at least they can now fix the peacock miraculous since she has the guardian's tablet. They order the gorilla to return them to the Agreste mansion before the news can spread.

But in the scramble to rescue her boss, Mayura dropped something in the park. The butterfly, and we cut to it laying innocuously on the ground until a VERY familiar pair of brown heeled boots walk into frame next to it.

Season 4 involves shenanigans with Lila's hawkmoth because now there's a new problem. And gabriel alternately hiding out in the basement with emilie or the empty attic while Nathalie brings him food and looks after adrien. (She claimed ignorance and since the peacock is in hiding with gabriel it's not like they have any evidence it's her). As for the love square, idk... Marinette now has to deal with reconciling the two sides of the boy she's always loved, while still dating luka and now trying to figure out what she's gonna do.

The end.

[sorcerystudios-writing]

Cleaning Messes: Adrien's Perspective

by Nakira Taisho

Date Posted: (2020-10-01)

Chapters: 10/10

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

Rating: General Audiences

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Relationships: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug/Kagami Tsurugi

Characters: Marinette Dupain-Cheng | Ladybug

Additional Tags: Guardian!Marinette, Fox!Luka, Turtle!Ivan, Bee!Juleka, Post-Episode: s03 Miracle Queen (The Battle of the Miraculous Part 2), Canon Compliant, Chat will be fired, Salt, ml salt, Slow Burn, Cat!Kagami, unwarranted comments WILL be deleted

Summary: Adrien's side of the story

[aliensunflower-fics]

My Recommended Fic List

So, I got this ask awhile ago, and since I have been re-reading a bunch of my old favorite fics as a way to cheer up after work I figured why not. This list will be long... and varied but mostly its older fics cuz idk there my favs. Now lets go:

Fashion Upgrade - By @soap-lady : Straight up one of my favorite fics ever, its fun, its creative, it never fails to make me laugh when I need something warm and wholesome after a bad day. Also go check out the rest of her stuff there's so much good okay like shes just a writing queen. Shes on AO3 I don't want to spoil you on her other stuff just GO experience it for yourself.

Ode To Decoy pt 1 / 2 / 3 - By @a-marlene-s : Ive always liked this short sweet little fic about Lila getting caught. Its Lila + class salt though so avoid if that's not your flavor.

EVERYTHING - By @unmaskedagain : They have salt, they have sugar, they have funny, they have crossovers. Like honestly they are a just a great writer with so much variety so go check out the masterlist I linked and I guarantee there will be something there you like.

@ravennm84 Is a writer on the saltier side but they have a wonderful selection of weird wacky tales from the salty but oh so well written Damning Evidence that sees Lila get caught in the best way to the 3 part Horror inspired Serafina other great fics from them include Marinettes Family Court Circus pt 1 / 2 and Of Moldy Bread and Cockroaches / Be Kind to Servers honestly its worth giving there blog a look.

@mochinek0 Is another writer with several beloved fics. They write a lot of Maribat and we love them for it. Ones to check out would be Blind Date / Bruce vs Gabriel just go check out there tag list of daminette for more.

Accidental Crime Boss Marinette - By @lady-literature : This is a wonderful idea and a wonderful little fic and I just... I just like it okay. Sadly I haven't read a lot of there other stuff... But I might after finishing this list considering how much I enjoy this one.

@nobodyfamousposts I love a LOT of there fics. They are one of the best when it comes to striking that sweet spot of calling out the show for some of its garbage while not getting so salty that you cant have fun lighthearted goodness. I have been looking for a masterlist of there work but cant find one so just go stalk there tags. I do recommend there Chloe's Lament Series 1 / 2 exploring how certain 'wishes' would backfire. Guardian Assistant Kevin is also a good one Miracle Queen Aftermath pt 1 / 2 / The 8 parter Burn the Witch series / The Wisdom Teeth Reveal / Kagami Vs The Wall of Faces / Resigning With Grace & Spite / I tried to give a lot of links cuz they have a lot of stuff

Kill Them With Kindness - By @luki-fanfic : Well written, good salt without going overboard. Just good vibes. I havent stalked there other stuff but if its anything like this fic its probably excellent quality.

Stephen Vladislav pt 1 / 2 - By @stormiclown : Adrien centered salt on the idea of finally giving Adrien his own proper rival. I like the idea of Adrien having a rival because its usually Marinette and this was just the right length to get those creative ideas flowing. Also just well written what more can you ask for.

Power Trip - By @storygirl000 : This was the first fic that made me go... Wait would it be more fun if Lila was actually competent? And that set me on the path to writing my own fics where Lila is more villainous and more capable. Its short, well written. Good.

Your Wish is My Command - By DemiGoddess28 on AO3 : A great 11 chapter fic looking into Lila's life if she were to win and get a miraculous wish. Its got sugary goodness for our protagonists and the class and salt for our dearest friend Lila.

LadyBugOut AU - By Miraculous-Content on AO3 : A 50 chapter fic made up of snippets and ideas. I found it really inspiring in many ways. I also love how it redeems Marinettes classmates showing how and why they were tricked but holding them accountable anyway its just... Good.

Juleka vs The Forces of the Universe - By goldenlaurelleaves on AO3 : For those of us not yet ready to accept the death of luka/mari we have this wonderful fic showing Juleka being the biggest wingman as she helps these idiots find there way together.

ChaoticNeutral on AO3 has there own Chloe's Lament fic as well as a Gabriel's Lament fic for people who need sweet salty of those two characters.

BroadwayCutie16 was Inspired by the person above and DemiGoddesses your wish is my command fic to write Lila's Lament fic going over Lilas failed wish. Honestly I always love these fics because there just so interesting and the way wishes can be taken and twisted is always a fascinating idea to me.

#WayneAngel - By Tired-Writing-Teach on AO3 : For us Maribat lovers. Its fun and lighthearted with some good gags and some light fluff.

Damian in Paris - By Lilliesandliveries on AO3 : A sweet Maribat series showing what would happen if Damian ran away from home and found himself in Paris and getting therapy.

How a Demon Commissions an Angel - By AlixAnonymous : Damian blackmails Marinette into letting him be her client so he can get his bros the best gifts, they end up becoming penpal buddies.

Mythomania - By LadyEnna_50 on AO3 : Proof that I dont hate Adrien or Mari/Adrien. In this fic Adrien's spine gets titanium plating and he sees just how bad Lila is hurting Marinette and does something about it.

The Contingency - By AbyssalGuardian on AO3 : SALT. Also Tim/Mari but even still I love the way this was written, the style, and some of the ideas just ugh love it. Its not for those who dont like salt so just avoid at your own discretion. Its about a chaotic Marinette done with her life running away to Gotham where she meets her true black cat, and gets her life back on track.

The String That Binds Us - By FaithAndATypeWriter on AO3 : Okay so is there any Mari/Bat fan who hasnt already heard of this one? Who cares its good, its cute, I love it. May the author be blessed with snacks.

The Great IKEA Game - By @batsandbugs : Okay again... I think every Mari/Bat fan has probably heard of this one already because its just that good and that popular. But who cares I am recommending it anyway. Don't read if your allergic to fun I guess.

If this list still doesn't somehow have enough salt for you then try @goggles-mcgee fics here is a link to there Masterlist. They are in a way a professional at salt and angst and they make you want to adopt Marinette and pop her in a blanket fort.

Honestly I could keep going but this list already feels so long for other great recs though I can link you to @jayphoenic who has some great Daminette Fic Recs and some Lila Salt Fic Recs!

Feel free to reblog this and add some links to stuff you would think I or others might like! Also lets just acknowledge how many talented authors the community has like wow.

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Thelma Ritter (All About Eve, Pillow Talk, Rear Window)—Everybody claims to love milfs until a woman actually shows signs of being over 25. Get on the Thelma Ritter train or else she is funny and charming and a fantastic character actor and she’s got such a sweet smile. I wish I could build a time machine to eat her pussy

Zsa Zsa Gabor (Queen of Outer Space, Touch of Evil)—She’s just gorgeous, also, nine husbands whaaaat?

This is round 1 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Zsa Zsa Gabor:

Thelma Ritter:

The backbone of some of the greatest films ever made, sadly denied an Oscar, and someone I would love to go out drinking with and have a good old gossip

she's got the salt-of-the-earth get-out-of-my-way will-give-you-good-advice-but-will-fuck-you-up-if-you-don't-follow-it wisdom to her. i want her to take care of me but also ride me deep into the night. i'm including photos of her in judgy bitch mode because that's her only mode. if you're ever watching miracle on 34th street she's the one customer with a spine.

[nixthelapin]

She also almost got the Peacock miraculous off Mayura! She didn’t succeed, but she got so close- she literally had her hand on it! I don’t even think LB (or CN) got that close with either villain (at least until s5, when Monarch collapses from being an idiot, but even then they were stupid and didn’t just grab all of them immediately- this happens twice). Queen Bee nearly accomplished what these two couldn’t do two whole seasons later. And Natalie is a formidable opponent- she took on multiple akumas without powers (s3: Felix), so no wonder Chloe couldn’t defeat her! (Though that makes her even more impressive because she had her in lock for even a bit)

Poor girl didn’t deserve this character assassination.

A third Queen Banana post in a row. “You were more of a super disaster than a superhero!” Are you kidding me? 2 out of 5 ain’t too bad of a score for fuckups and the ACTUAL majority of the time YOU gave it to her and she followed your orders and fought by your side until she got akumatized. This whole thing makes me feel this episode was coated in malicious intent.

The show really wants to act like Queen Bee was terrible at her job, but say what you will about her, she at least got stuff done most of the time.

[cherrychilli]

18+

Steve Harrington x AFAB reader, lots of shameless teasing by reader, slight exhibitionism, allusions to sex, teeniest tiniest smidge of perv! Steve

A/N: Inspired by the only scene of Cool Hand Luke I've seen. And that one short scene from Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. Just wanted to write something fun and a lil bit silly.

"C'mon sugar, chop chop - 's not gonna clean itself", he sing songs from the driver's seat of the BMW where he's been toying with the radio, scratchy static fading into a chorus of Scorpions' No one like you when he tunes into a station that suits his liking.

On a regular day a quip like that would have had you pinching one of his triceps, twisting the skin until he crumbled to his knees with a litany of pleas and apologies tumbling past his lips. But today was different because you both knew he was exempted from any retaliation. And boy, was he enjoying it.

Steve had been like this all morning, painfully smug, grin stretched Cheshire cat wide ever since you'd come over to make good on the card game you'd lost the night before.

It began as a casual game of poker over a few beers to make the lazy evening more interesting. You never played for much. The white chips were always worth 25 cents, the reds 50 cents and the greens were a dollar but he had you perking up when he suggested sweetening the pot that night.

"Oh yeah? what do you have in mind?", you'd asked this with subdued interest, munching down another mouthful of sea salt and vinegar chips, half expecting him to float the idea of strip poker as influenced by your viewing of The Wanderers earlier that night.

It wasn't unlike Steve to suggest something like that after he's had a few drinks and it wasn't unlike you to happily go along with whatever he's proposed after you've had a few drinks of your own. The two of you made quite a pair that way.

The last time it was skinny dipping down at Lovers Lake. A shared bottle of Gin bore the blame for the idea but by some miracle of intervention (or was it interruption?) Jim Hopper happened to be cruising by to put a stop to it before things could go any further. Nothing like the fuzz rolling up on you in your underwear to dampen the mood.

But last evening didn't take that kind of a turn and you didn't have to sit there cursing yourself for not having the foresight to wear sexier underwear for very long.

This time you laid blame on the beers and that one swig of sickeningly saccharine Pineapple Schnapps left over from a party the week before for impacting your judgement, agreeing to raise the stakes to include the winner getting to delegate their weekend chores to the loser.

Steve went all in, chips tossed into the middle of his mother's new and perfectly lacquered walnut table, too buzzed and wound up in the competitive tension in the room to worry about accidentally scuffing it.

You considered your cards for a few short seconds, poker face perfectly unreadable. A full house, Queens over Jacks sat burning hot in your hands, making you call, pushing your chips over into the pile with more care than Steve had shown his own.

For a moment, you thought you had it and he let you think as much, his pink lips drooping into a frown with his head bowed, hand carding through his hair to mimic defeat when you slid your cards over.

But the thrill of not having to spend half the day mowing your lawn and weeding the garden was extinguished after three glorious seconds. He placed his cards down quietly though when you read them, the impact felt more like a gavel coming down, sentencing you to a day of doing his bidding.

Four of a kind. Kings.

Shit.

The Schnapps and the beer picked that moment to start sparring in your belly, adding to the bitter flavor of defeat washing over your tongue like an oil spill.

And then came that smirk which hasn't left his lips since. "I'll see you in my driveway tomorrow bright and early, sunshine", he winked at you in that way that had you torn between wanting to flip his mother's stupid table and climbing over it to kiss her stupid smarmy son.

And now here you were, greeted by the same insufferable smirk as you trudged up to his driveway on a Saturday morning to wash his car, hangover thankfully averted and with a fresh outlook on the situation since sobering up. He doesn't know it yet but you're not as sore about the loss as you seem.

Strangely, you had Steve's porno collection to thank for that.

You figured him to be kind of guy who preferred a dirty VHS over the classic skin mag especially now that he had an employee discount to abuse but a few months ago you'd found out that you'd guessed wrong.

You hadn't let on about the time you went looking to borrow a pair of spare socks one nippy evening from one of his drawers and found a busty, definitely not a licensed nurse despite the uniform, smoldering back at you instead.

Unearthing the magazine from beneath the pile of tube socks it'd been partially shoved under, you quietly acquainted yourself with the ladies of Genesis Magazine's Girls/Girls Fall 1987 issue. Recalling one page that had been dog eared, you learned the nurse had friends who liked to get naked and soaked when it came time to hose down their cherry red Chevy Camaro.

Suddenly, having you out in the sweltering heat, working up a sweat and scrubbing down his beamer while he watched didn't seem like innocent happenstance anymore. In fact the whole thing made you feel a little inspired.

So you thought to yourself, why not have a little fun?

Granted, you weren't planning on losing your top and straddling the hood like the redhead on page seven. Not in Steve's white picket fence neighborhood of all places, but you did still have something less than savory in mind.

He didn't even suspect anything when you asked to go change into something more comfortable to hose down his precious car, your jeans already feeling more than a little uncomfortable since you'd left your house in this heat.

Another perfectly cloudless azure sky hung over the neighborhood. Too sunny and muggy and at that hour of the morning where everyone else was still inside. Some slept in because it was Saturday while others slept off their Friday night. Those who were awake were already in their pools or in the kitchen, cracking ice cubes out of trays into big, dewy glasses of lemonade, intermittently sipping and holding the chilly glass up to soothe their sweaty temples.

If the heat bothered Steve he didn't show it, one hand resting on the steering wheel, fingers tapping along to the radio awaiting your return. He'd been looking forward to this all night since his winning hand and nothing could sour his anticipation now.

But he couldn't have anticipated what he saw when he catches sight of you through the rear view mirror, his fingers fumbling, losing his composure quicker than if he'd slipped on ice.

You strolled out like something ripped out of one of his wet dreams, shoes swapped for flip flops, snug denim cut offs replacing your jeans, white tee instead of the teal blue you'd shown up in and hips swaying.

His mouth was agape as you walked up to him. "What are you up to?", he spoke in a voice thick with suspicion, stare heavy and darting all over you like there was too much or you on display and not nearly enough at the same time.

"I'm washing your car like you we agreed. Changed your mind?", you challenged him with a hand on your hip, eyes narrowed into a look as sharp as a knife's edge, daring him to question you again.

"No..."

"Alright then", you eased into a smile, more roguish than your usual chaste, bumping your hip against the driver's side door which up until now had been ajar, closing Steve inside. He lets you do this, something about the new clothes coupled with your 'don't fuck with me' vibe making him feel strangely obedient.

Everything you needed was already left out for you. A bucket, a half full bottle of car wash soap, a sponge and the hose nearby.

You start with the hose first, making sure to bend over to pick it up rather than crouch beside it as you turned it on, legs straight, back arched nice and pretty, ass popped out. You didn't spend that extra fifteen minutes stretching at home for nothing!

It's vastly different from all the other times he's stared at your ass. Used to doing it in sneaky glances in the past, Steve can hardly believe the obvious way you flaunt yourself for him now, afraid if you keep it up he might fog up the windshield all on his own.

Running water spouts out the hose and you're not the least bit careful with how you aim the stream into the bucket to fill it up, splashing your thighs and forearms, the sun making your wet skin glow glossy under its rays.

Number 8 on Billboard's top ten singles of the month starts to play on the radio but it goes unheard by Steve over the sound of his own heartbeat thumping in his ears, watching you wrap your fingers around the thick, cylindrical bottle and squeezing it to squirt soap into the bucket.

It's all so calculated and deliberately dirty, even though you try to play it off all innocent. You even plaster on a faux look of surprise when you stand too close to the BMW to rinse it, water splashing back onto your clothes, denim turning dark, white tee turning transparent...

Steve nearly chokes on the saliva pooling in his mouth when he notices that you're not wearing a bra. No swimsuit or even a bikini on underneath. He tears his eyes away long enough to quickly survey the neighborhood and when he doesn't find any of his neighbors in sight he fixes them back on you.

He should stop you, right?

He shouldn't just sit there and watch, right?

It wouldn't be correct to let you parade yourself in front of him like this...

Right?

Turning off the hose, you grasp the sponge and dunk it into the soapy water, pulling it out all sopping and heavy to wring it out over the bucket, purposely holding it close to your chest so the excess water can cascade down your front.

Nothing could have stolen his attention away from the way your tits jiggle in your soaking, skin tight tee as you lean over and put some elbow grease into running the sponge over the hood of his car in soapy circles. Peeking up through your lashes you catch the way his cheeks blend from a subtle mauve to a pretty fuchsia from behind the windshield, deciding you'd like to get a closer look.

He thinks he might flatline when you saunter closer and lean over the side of the hood. Reaching as far as you can to sponge the windshield, you're certain the poor boy's probably straining against his zipper by now as your wet tits press up against the glass.

It's so obvious and indecent. And fun. Getting to dangle yourself in front of Steve like this so unabashedly out here in the open, sticking a pin in that irritating, albeit harmless, cocksure attitude he'd shown you at the start, watching it deflate with a wicked smile.

It was the sweetest torture, watching your body clad in soaked clothes, skin glistening, the contours of your breasts and nipples so evident now that you might as well be topless.

"Can't fucking take this anymore", you hear him mutter when he reaches his limit and exits the car, hand finding your waist to spin you around. He uses the other to snatch the soapy sponge out of your fingers and toss it out of sight, letting it land with a wet plop on the driveway.

"I'm taking you inside", he groans when you lean into him, wet tits pressing against his chest, turning the front of his blue polo a dark navy, thigh grazing his bulge.

"Why?" you ask all coy, not ready to retire the innocent act without batting your lashes at him first, your lips only a breath apart from his.

"Because I don't think they'd let me live here anymore if they came outside and found me bending you over the hood, darling", he replies, a second before his lips come down on yours.

[marinettesaltprompts]

Marinette Salt Prompt: In which Hawkmoth was just a bit more smarter

Bit of a different idea from the norm, but I've noticed that when it comes to choosing heroes, Marinette tends to be rather biased towards choosing her friends. Not to mention it should really be Fu giving out the miraculouses so that neither hero can be tracked. Given that Hawkmoth is trying to figure out who the heroes are, I wanted to create an idea in which Hawkmoth was just a bit more aware of whom Ladybug chose as heroes....

When the other heroes came onto the scene, Hawkmoth took his time to investigate the other heroes. While he didn't require their miraculouses, he did want to take note of any potential allies Ladybug had, especially if it meant he could either find out who Ladybug was or located the guardian. He took any notes where possible, documenting any noteworthy traits the heroes had and when they appeared.

However, it was not until Miracle Queen that the notes all came together, as Gabriel was pondering in his lair near Emilie's casket.

Gabriel had realised that all the heroes Ladybug had chosen (sans Ryuko and Viperion) well all school kids that went to Adrien's school. More importantly, most of them were kids that were in his class as well. Given the lack of any other heroes outside of the class, this meant that it was extremely likely Ladybug was familliar with them.

More importantly, Gabriel knew that Alya was the first new hero Ladybug had chosen. Given how these auxillary heroes had appeared following Ladybug disappearing from the battle (and the lack of the Guardian's appearance), this meant that Ladybug was likely the one who had choosen Alya, meaning that she would have had to trust her in some way outisde of being the lead reporter of the Ladyblog (which should have been unlikely in any other circumstance given that the Ladyblog had an interest in exposing her identity, one that Gabriel himself kept note of in case it would reveal Ladybug's identity).

Hawkmoth took a mental tally and realised that out of the entire of Adrien's class, he had akumatised all of them. All of them except for two. His own son Adrien and ... Marinette. The only one who he hadn't akumatised. The only one who was close friends with Alya and thus would trust her enough with anything. The only one who could have possibly trusted her class enough to become heroes in the first place because she was ... Ladybug.

Hawkmoth grinned. Then laughed. It all made sense now. Though he was still unsure to who Chat Noir could be, one thing was for certain. Marinette was Ladybug.

All he had to do now ... was prove it.

[princess-of-the-corner]

Honestly, I think the fact Marinette was willing to go so far regarding Kagami gives credence to the idea that its not unfair Alya just kind of bought that she was jealous of Lila being into Adrien.

Like, Marinette's perception of Kagami pre-friendship was a haughty, "Ohohoh" Ice Queen trying to whisk Adrien away.

Alya even sort of indulged this take, I figure because Kagami didn't make as good first impression as Lila who is more socially deft than Kagami on first scan. Thus, the claims seem less grounded unless she starts invading the new girl/her friend like a suspect, which she may not be willing to do just cos Marinette decided another competitor is her foe.

Which also aligns well with Alya in general.

She indulges Marinette's takes on Kagami but likely wouldn't actively participate in sabotage beyond passive, "Yeah good luck girl I guess". She won't break her friendship with Lila over accusations, but nor will she break it with Marinette over making said accusation. She doesn't go all in on any of it.

OH YEAH NO LIKE.

So like. Granted the timeline's a bit fucky because things like MQ and Anemaestro happened after Chameleon BUT-

Marinette has shown through her actions with Kagami that she can be very awful. She immediately considered Kagami some cold ice queen bitch and was shocked that Adrien could ever have feelings for her, and that not only was Kagami going to easily win Adrien's hand but that he'd be forced into an awful relationship with someone so awful.

So she sabotages. In Ikari Gozen, in Animaestro, in Miracle Queen. She does things to make sure Kagami doesn't get time alone with Adrien and tries to publicly humiliate her so that he won't want to be seen with her. And may I add a note that this was already bad enough before Derision gave us how Traumatizing™ being humiliated in front of a crush was for Mari, and she tried to do far worse by humiliating Kagami not just in front of Adrien but at a public event in front of so many people and her mother and plenty of reporters recording.

And unlike rivals like Chloé or Lila who are mean and manipulative liars and yadda yadda, Kagami did absolutely fucking nothing to earn any of this. All she did was like Adrien.

And like. I get it. Mari is a flawed teen she' gonna do some questionable shit.

But yeah when she does all that to Kagami who is actually very nice, of fucking course Alya is going to take Marinette's opinion with a grain of salt(HA!) when it comes to Lila.

[francesminos-tt]

An outlined sequel to this

The actual fic is here

Aemond hates Lucerys and his bastard son. He mocks them, spreading vile accusations, smashing Lucerys’s plan to marry another high-born alpha. Meanwhile, Aemond gradually grows close to the bastard, Laenor, who has a striking resemblance of Lucerys as a child. Laenor likes to read, is fascinated by dragons but sadly doesn’t have one and diligently attends all training sessions. Aemond couldn’t help but see himself in the little boy. A boy with Lucerys’s look and Aemond’s character.

Aemond has his suspects, but every time he wonders if Laenor might be his son, he talks himself out of it. How could Laenor be his son? How could Lucerys love a son that is half Aemond with such devotion? Aemond is confused. He is supposed to hate Lucerys for taking his eye, but why his anger boils and his heart hurts when he learns Lucerys is being attacked by an angry mob? Aemond is even more confused when Laenor tries to tame Seasmoke, though the boy succeeds, he is badly injured so the stress triggers his presentation.

Aemond could smell the mix of sea salt, lemon, leather, peppermint and old parchment. He could smell himself and Lucerys on the boy. He knows.

When the boy cries for his alpha sire, despite Lucerys’s protests, Aemond hugs them with all he can. He realizes he never hates Lucerys. He loves the omega just like the omega loves him. He doesn’t care if Laenor was born out of wedlock. He would wed Lucerys ten times over if that means he could have the omega for all eternity.

 Meanwhile, it turns out that Aemond is not the only one who still wants to fight. Despite Otto’s unexpected death, the Hightowers managed to reserve most of their troops by bending the knee to Queen Rhaenyra without a fight. Now, five years later, as the ice on the Honeywine finally melts away, they are ready to strike again,

The Northerners have festered King’s Landing, the new Hightower lord would say, we are outnumbered, both in terms of men and dragons.

What do we do? The late king’s youngest alpha son, the dutiful Daeron asks.

We wait. The wolves will have to go back to their lair eventually. Once the capital is at its most vulnerable, we strike. The lord answered.

Daeron nods. And what of me?

You will go to King’s Landing, collecting allies, breaking down the enemy from within.

So Daeron goes. He attends the celebrating tourney as the mystery knight. He defeats all his opponents, the most difficult one being the Queen’s third son, Joffrey. The Queen welcomes her youngest brother, and Daeron proceeds to do what he was told.

He smuggles moon tea into Aegon’s drink, preventing his omega brother to conceive. He approaches Aemond, relaying conspiracies from Old Town. Jacaerys would grow impatient for lacking of an heir, and Aemond would gladly join in the rebellion for he loves his mother and he hates Lucerys.

But the wise lord miscalculates three things. First, Jacaerys remains loyal and caring for his omega. After some efforts and a miracle, Aegon gets pregnant. Second, Aemond refuses to be a pawn again. He has a mate and a son to protect now. Third, Daeron falls in love with Joffrey, the most feral and strong beta he ever knew. He confesses and proposes to lead the attack on Old Town if only the Queen could spare his mother.

Rhaenyra agrees but insists they go south together. Because the house of dragons is most formidable united, the Queen says.

[maribugette]

Here’s the thing, and it’s so subtle that I understand why people miss it, during Hero’s day, SM used the fact he knew Chloe’s identity against her, going after her parents to get Chloe akumatized again. That’s WHY she could no longer be Queen Bee.

I’ve said it before but a miraculous should not be the only thing motivating her to change.

And it’s really not fair to blame others because SHE fell back on her old ways, everyone gave her advice and encouraged her to do things for selfless reasons, to be kinder, to just be a good person. The problem is that she does not WANT to be kind.

If anything, being Queen Bee made it worse. I always have to bring this up because people ignore it but in Miraculer, Sabrina LITERALLY got akumatized because chloe was pissy and said that Sabrina who had no powers didn’t deserve to ‘play’ with her, who was a ‘real superheroine’

And there was no other way at the time to solve it, remember, at the time, neither was aware it was possible to change a hero outfit. And yes, Marinette was never going to pick Chloe over any of the others, by that point she had been TOLD Miraculer would be the last time she would have the Bee. I hate that people just ASSUME she was going to give Chloe the bee, when in actuality chloe had been benched by that point

If having power was the only motivation chloe had to better herself then she did not deserve it.

Does anyone in mlbtumblr know what a redemption arc is because I don’t think they do.

[mydreamsarentrare]

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it’s just so funny / Our song is the way you laugh / And our daddies used to joke about the two of us growing up and falling in love / Laughing at the other girls, who think they’re so cool / Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself ‘hey, isn’t this easy?’ / I’m the one who makes you laugh, when you know you’re about to cry / I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you / I know I’m laughing on the car ride home with you / I realise your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard / You looked me in the eyes and told me you loved me, where you just kidding? / I could go back to every laugh, but I don’t want to go there anymore / No one could touch the way we laughed in the dark / Laughing when I was crying / You can laugh and cry but everybody knows / If you were here, we’d laugh about their vacant stares / And maybe someday when we’re older, this is something we’ll laugh about / Wrapped up in your arms and our friends are laughing, cause nothing like this ever happened to them / Two lovers laughing on the porch of their first house / All the beautiful times I watched you laughing from the passenger side / There I was again tonight, forcing laughter, faking smiles / To you everything’s funny, you’ve got nothing to regret / She calls up her mom, jokes about the ways that this one could go wrong / And we all just laugh after seeing it all these years / You who charmed my dad with self-effacing jokes / You laughed at my dreams, rolled your eyes at my jokes / And they’re all laughing as I’m looking around the room / And I was never good at telling jokes but the punchline goes ‘I’ll get older but your lovers stay my age’ / And I realise the joke is on me / Replaying your laughter, disaster / And you throw your head back laughing like a little kid, I think it’s strange that you think I’m funny cause he never did / I left a note on the door with a joke we’d made, and that was the first day / Laughing with my feet in your lap, like you were my closest friend / You carry my groceries and now I’m always laughing / You think that it’s funny when I’m mad / So you laugh like a child and I’ll sing like no one cares / I remember your bare feet down the hallway, I remember your little laugh / His laugh is a symphony / Ain’t it funny? Rumours fly / Salt in the wound, like you’re laughing right at me / Buttons on a coat, lighthearted joke / How you laugh when you lie / All the jokers dressing up as kings / I’m laughing with my lover, making forts under covers / Please don’t ever become a stranger who’s laugh I could recognise anywhere / Laughed on the schoolyard as soon as I tripped up and hit the ground / But something happened, I heard him laughing / And you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me / And so I became the butt of the joke / Secret jokes all alone, no one’s home / I’m still trying everything to get you laughing at me / I can see you standing, honey, with his arms around your body, laughing but the joke’s not funny at all / This dorm was once a madhouse, I made a joke ‘well, it’s made for me’ / You saw the best in me, the joker and the queen / The jokes weren’t funny, I took the money / And then someone screams out ‘she’s laughing up at us from hell!’ / I stopped trying to make him laugh, stopped trying to drill the safe / Were you making fun of me, with some esoteric joke? / Is it a wonder I broke? Let’s hear one more joke, then we could all just laugh until I cry / The jokes that he told across the bar were revolting and far too loud / I laughed in your face and said ‘You’re not Dylan Thomas, I’m not Patti Smith / He jokes that it’s heroin but this time with an ‘E’ / I’m high from smoking your jokes all damn night / I feel like laughing in the middle of practice / It felt just like a joke / how ironic, the curse or a miracle