#Might have a breakdown soon

[ruanais]

beating myself up over finding out one of my closest mutals support Israel and I’m gonna cry cause I KNOW I got too attached to them. rah. expect angst lovelies <3

[benevolenterrancy]

Do any NieYao (or general 3zun) shippers follow me? I've been tossing around the idea of a nieyao fic but I'm getting tripped up by timeline shit because good lord JGY's life is a nightmare... is there anyone who wouldn't mind either:

a) chatting with me about timeline/canon stuff to help me get sorted

b) sending me recs of their favourite nieyao fics 👀 for, uh, strictly research related purposes for sure for sure

[alangdorf]

Welp, the ref lineup still isn’t done cause I haven’t drawn Shion yet, and the belated valentines I’ve been working on are gonna be like at least a month late cause I just planned three more, but what I did do these past couple weeks is start writing a fanfic and then immediately abandon it to go draw a bunch of only tangentially-related suzutsubas (except for that first pic; that’s a scene from it, albeit one I haven’t written yet), only half of which are fit for public posting (one of ‘em I could make a few edits and feel ok about posting sometime; it’s not that out there, it’s just, y’know. Hamal Cine Bad End Hyperbolic Torture Chamber. I’m usually very “whatever happens happens” about my art but if I don’t show some restraint I know I’ll end up stuck in there forever), but hey, since I’ve been teasing them for ages and finally have some finished stuff with them, take a couple Suzumii! Also gonna ramble abt headcanons under the cut (and it will be LONG)

To begin, a note abt my Len’en gender/pronoun headcanons: as a they/them preferrer myself, I’m thrilled that most people just stick with those for everyone, but I’ve developed some more detailed headcanons as I go through working on designs and I’ll generally be using those. Don’t worry though, most of them are still nonbinary and basically all of them are trans/gq. Relevant ones for this post are Tsubakura: they/them nonbinary (transmasc to some degree) and Suzumi: cis female, question mark?? (to be elaborated on); for clarity’s sake I usually use she/her for Arde and Hamal Cine individually and plural they for the system collectively (also I don’t usually use their nicknames, dunno why), but singular they for Benet (the wiki says Benny is probably short for Benetnasch so I’m assuming that’s their actual name) for reasons which will also be elaborated on (sort of).

Aaalso this clearly isn’t autobiographical or anything but I think I’m subconsciously putting a lot of myself into Suzumi because 1) we do look pretty similar (brown wavy bob + blue eyes) and 2) given their current status as both the main antagonist and the most well-known plural Len’en character (I get the impression that Hooaka also being plural isn’t super common knowledge; I mean it took me several read-throughs of their wiki page and their dialogue with BPoHC Secret Team to get what they were getting at lol) I am probably way too anxious about doing a bad stereotype. Just an observation and also probably partially why I’ve even ended up with so much headcanon for them in the first place

And before I get into the thick of it, notes on derivations from canon: I’m running with the assumption that Suzumi being a system is a relatively recent development tied to whatever incident it was that caused the falling-out, since Tsubakura is like the only person who seems at all familiar with Hamal (including Mitori/Chouki/Fumikado, but they’re more easily explained away as just having met with one of the other alters the few times they’ve interacted) even though she’s supposedly usually the one fronting. They don’t seem to know the mechanics of it though, judging by their confusion when Arde implied that she and Hamal are different people. So basically, I’ll be referring to pre-incident Suzumi as a different character from any of the other three. (Ngl I am very influenced by Dissociation Constant on that and just in general [when will my wife The One and Only Suzutsuba Fic return from the war…..]) I was also debating whether to have Suzumi have any history with the gang before starting to work at the lab/whether stuff would happen around high school or college age, cause they keep referring to everything happening “a long time ago” and I know I, a 24-year-old, feel like stuff that happened five years ago was like yesterday, but I do have the pandemic and not really doing much of anything for most of that time to reckon with so like, eh. College age makes more sense in my head and so does the dynamic of like, Suzumi was only introduced into the friend group (she was acquainted w Hoojiro and Yabu already though bc lab) because she was dating Tsubakura and since that ended, and badly (understatement of the century), they have extremely little reason to be civil with each other and also interacting at all is really awkward.

Ok now on with it! Either end of high school or beginning of college, Suzumi ends up interning at Tsubakura’s lab for college credit (Tsuba’s already practically a department head despite being like 17 or something because. Idk. Who even knows what’s up with them) and she’s like. Only wears t-shirts and jeans (bought a bunch of khakis for this job though), [reading] glasses from the men’s section, hates leaving her hair down (it’s lab safety anyways). Repressed queer in denial, you know the type. Starts interacting a lot with Mx. Tsubakura “wears short shorts that everybody thinks are actually a skirt and also uses ore and omae almost exclusively” Enraku who seems to have everything all figured out and is immediately starstruck (GIRL WHY?? they are such a mess). Lots of “do I want to date them or do I want to be them” confusion (this will be relevant later); eventually evolves into the “am I trans or just a lesbian” question (not that they would need to be attracted to women to be into Tsubakura but you get the picture), which never quite gets answered.

In any case, they do eventually start dating (Tsubakura thinks she’s cute and smart so they reciprocate), and they’re not like super great together cause Tsubakura is emotionally constipated at the best of times (Suzumi’s into that though) and neither of them are the most mentally/emotionally healthy people even back then and also Tsubakura is more or less Suzumi’s boss which is weird, but they’re kind of ok??? Tsubakura’s mom dies at some point, also they move in together (college housing is expensive), the rest of the crew at the very least tolerate Suzumi, etcetera.

And then…! [insert catastrophic event here]!! I don’t have a shot to call on this yet cause I have no idea what it could’ve been (and I’m sure it’ll get revealed at some point anyways); I’m just banking on it being something extremely not mundane and something where you could reasonably set the blame on either (or neither) party cause they sure both seem convinced the other is way worse, huh! In Tsubakura’s case at least, blaming Suzumi is partially a defense mechanism so their self-loathing doesn’t get the better of them over it (guess what the fic was supposed to be about, lol).

The worst part of all this business though is that they DON’T break up over it immediately and it just makes everything orders of magnitude worse for everyone involved. Tsubakura and Arde have hate sex MORE THAN ONCE………… they would both really rather forget about it. Hamal thinks it’s hilarious, ofc, but the less said about her, the better. And Benet… exists??? The only idea that I’m running off of for them atm is the observation that I think they’re the only character with flat black eyes other than Tsubakura/Tsurubami and the subsequent idle thought, “hey if someone malded so hard about a breakup that they ended up with an introject of their ex would that be messed up or what?” So make of that what you will. (Oh and it may have been obvious that this is what I was going for but Hamal is femme and Arde is butch and they’re constantly squabbling abt aesthetic presentation. Having Arde be straight-up male would’ve been too straightforward of an interpretation and I think it’s funnier this way)

The canonically mentioned murder attempts start taking place and I’m leaning towards Tsubakura eventually being convinced to move out even though it was originally their apartment, albeit mostly just because the wikipedia page for house sparrows mentions that they’re known to take over swallows’ nests, usually after they’ve been abandoned, but they will sometimes drive away or kill the current occupants, and that was a very fun fact to come across when specifically doing research for Len’en but idk how else to incorporate it lol. And so on and so forth up until the present time.

Uhhh is that all I have atm? I think so! Anyway, I think I finally shook out all my suzutsuba doodles (and rambling, though I do still have that fic to work on. idk whether I’ll be able to finish it though; I started strong with an extended metaphor in the middle but Iiiii’m not sure if I can successfully write my way up to it while making it make sense. Also I may draw pretty slow but I write even slower!! Eh I’m sure I’ll post some of it sometime) for the time being so I should theoretically be able to finish up my bigger projects now. Maybe I’ll have the valentines ready in time for white day? We’ll see!

[critterofthenight]

omw to socialize again (well, i technically have 4 and a half more hours but i have to get to the other city first) and i wanna cry

[crossedwiress]

can't keep drowning in the shadows

[coridallasmultipass]

Shit Post venting hour let's go:

Trans Bro/Trans Dirk has endometriosis (*enBROmetriosis, because people are shitty and don't get that guys have it, too), even AFTER getting a hysterectomy, because, unfortunately, sometimes our bodies are just transphobic like that. (True story, bro...) He doesn't get symptoms regularly post-op, but when they hit, they hit like a plane-wreck - it's a huge disaster for one, and it also becomes everyone else's business.

Trans Dave doesn't have endo, but still goes through a lot of pain relievers for normal cramps. He forgot to tell Bro they were out of medicine last time.

Cue Bro stuck hugging the toilet, sick from how much pain he's in as soon as he wakes up, and Dave doesn't hear him call out for healing.

As soon as Dave hears Bro talking about Advil, he immediately remembers his mistake and realizes why Bro's been extra volatile lately (PMS/PMDD/etc).

[meimeimeirin]

why is december always such a fucked up month lol

[moongothic]

There's like a part of me that realizes that I've written so much Crocodad Meta that at this point I should probably just compile and condence it all into like a giant Propaganda Post

'Cause like. Sure it's all still on my blog, but few people are going to go digging through all the crap I've posted in the past few months for all the Crocodad Evidence, so just showing it all into a single post would make for like. IDK something I could use to make a compelling argument for why Crocodad could be real

(Also it would be more like, Crocodad evidence you might find on a more meta/narrative level, like on-going themes and Oda's story telling tropes/habits etc. Other people have already made posts that breakdown and analyze Marineford and compile all the subtle details+easter eggs etc so I wouldn't even go into any of that. I mean SURE I could regurgitate all that info too but it'd be easier to just link to someone else's post instead and save myself some time lol)

But also.

Do I really want to spend an obscene amount of time making that post. Do I really want to do that.

[gregmarriage]

claustrophobia combined with agoraphobia, is the stupidest shit in the world. like, oh, you’re going actually insane being stuck in the house all the time, due to your disability? oh, here’s sickening anxiety about leaving the house, like, wow, well done brain 👍🏻

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[lovecanbesostrange]

When I say I support Women's Wrongs, these are some of the Poor Little Meow Meows I keep thinking about:

Clearly the most perfect literal Meow Meow of them all: Catra (kinda tame on the war crimes front actually):

Regina Mills, the Evil Queen, who absolutely tortured, murdered and sexually abused people, good for her:

Wanda Maximoff, MCU-edition, Lagos does not count, that was an accident; WestView was not, but I would have lived there for her emotional support:

Mystique, comic version, but there's no gif for that, the others don't do enough murder, still valid though; the queer villain representation we need:

Helena G. Wells, since she did not end the world, does her crime even count?? Meow Meow allegations are pending, did a fabulous wrong though, so:

Callisto, she just wanted to attack and was having such a good time right then; we've all been inspired by Xena in different ways:

GLaDOS, even an AI woman can't do her job in peace, she was just testing; it's your fault if you breathe in the neurotoxin:

Glory, her crimes are having big city fashion sense in a small town, a desire to go home and demanding the worship she deserves; very rude to not allow the simple joys; pretty sure in her hell-dimension she was considered the class clown (irredeemable on earth, send her to a suitable environment):

Tiffany Valentine, keep doing you, babe, no notes:

[lunarduties]

can u elaborate more abt the yue lives au??

yes i would absolutely LOVE TO! essentially, i have two main verses revolving around aus where yue survives the siege of the north. the main difference between the two is that, in one of them, yue remains in the north pole following the siege and in the other, she takes up with the gaang and joins them throughout their journeys in books 2 and 3.

before diving into either of them too deeply, i'll say that when speaking generally about both of them, i do so under the guise that yue and sokka remain romantically involved. this will only vary depending on which sokkas i write with or if i'm writing with another character yue is being shipped with, as this blog is multi-ship with each ship taking place in a different timeline. but for general notes, i write under the guise of them being a couple.

more detailed info under the cut . . .

my fourth verse follows yue remaining in the north pole following the siege. in this verse, zhao strikes and kills tui, calling yue to restore partial life to the spirit. she is aided by katara, who uses the blessed water from the oasis to complete the healing process. this restores the moon, but leaves yue in a severely weakened state, as she only now has half of tui's life force. she spends the next few days in bed with frequent visits from healers, her family, and team avatar. going with them isn't even a thought in this verse, so she soaks up the time she has with them before they leave, promising to write.

as yue attempts to heal, she learns that hahn lost his life in the battle against the fire nation, calling an end to her betrothal with him. she mourns him, but stands up to the council / arnook, starving off the possibility of another betrothal through citing her sickness and general unwillingness to do so. they back off, and she begins to adjust to her life in a perpetually weakened state. she faces a lot of conflict within her own council regarding what she believes she is capable of governing - wise vs. what they believe she's capable of. her uncle tulimaq once again attempts to pressure arnook into handing the line of succession to his son, kanguk.

still, yue does what she can to aid the gaang's effort from the north pole, using her vast political influence where it is needed. this includes beginning and overseeing the southern reconstruction plan to further aid the entire water tribe in their efforts against the fire nation and beyond, including after the war. throughout this, the nwt continues to put resources into finding a cure for / ways to support the princess' condition.

/

my fifth verse follows yue leaving the north pole and taking up with the gaang. in this verse, zhao never gets the chance to strike tui, as iroh intercepts him. still, tui spends a significant amount of time in zhao's clutches, allowing aang time to forge with la and wipe out the fire nation troops. realizing she would have likely died if tui did, yue essentially channels katara's energy to stand up to her council / father and announces that she's joining team avatar on their journey on behalf of the nwt. despite arnook's protests, yue leaves after hahn's funeral, no longer bound by a betrothal.

while journeying with the gaang, yue takes it upon herself to learn self defense following the battle with team azula in omashu (originally boomerang tricks from sokka, later mastering archery as inspired by longshot), utilizes her diplomatic skills and status to help the gaang out of tight spaces, and broadens her worldview so she can take what she learns through her travels back to the nwt so she can be a better ruler. this is a very general description of yue's role in the gaang and the arc she goes through while on the team. i usually describe her as rapunzel leaving her tower for the first time in tangled, as she also grapples with extreme guilt re: leaving her tribe and how that guilt collides with her desire for freedom.

another key point of my gaang verse that also crops up a lot throughout their journey is yue's aversion to sunlight. this isn't an issue in the north pole, as her connection to the spirit oasis is strong, but once she leaves home, her connection with tui makes her prone to dizziness, weakness, etc. when in direct sunlight. i'll be posting a super detailed breakdown of how this and all of the above impacts yue throughout the wider atla story soon, giving an episode - by - episode breakdown of what yue does and how she changes through books 2 and 3, so keep your eyes peeled for that (:

[gaykey]

ok 6 days of shifts in a row, plus i'm on my period, plus, major family stress, adult/life stress, and general emotional distress

like wah wah wah i get it, but it is a lot, i'm not gonna lie

[te1epathy]

there is such a bone crushing fatigue of spending all my time working i feel dead

[daz4i]

you ever met a guy so dumb and talentless he couldn't even cut himself right?

[merevide]

how it feels to post a sad music link and get over 2 likes