#but like my brain isn’t even lying! ppl do stare at me when i’m out! i’m not imagining it like i used to when i was a kid

[gregmarriage]

claustrophobia combined with agoraphobia, is the stupidest shit in the world. like, oh, you’re going actually insane being stuck in the house all the time, due to your disability? oh, here’s sickening anxiety about leaving the house, like, wow, well done brain 👍🏻

[kanmom51]

Hi Kanmom,

I have a theory I would like your take on. Of course as a theory, it’s my opinion, yet I rarely see any Jikook blogs or obviously Army blogs speak to, actually I see most Jikook blogs vehemently deny the notion.

My opinion is that the Tae kook ship acts as a protection for Jikook. (I know you must be tired of hearing of taekookers)

Here is the moment that made me have this opinion solidified, well enough that I have it in my head as a theory.

In the infamous New Jersey Live. I remember watching it for the first time after seeing an analysis video that someone was in the room.

Anyway, like I always do I watch OG content and noticed something strange, which was Tae’s actions.

He came in the room, for the first time to me as a viewer, considering he didn’t know who’s room it was.

Anyways, fast forward someone speaks in the background and Tae in turn says “Weren’t we sharing the same room?” to JK.

Of all questionable Jikook moments this is the one that has me like ?????? and it isn’t even Jikook lol.

But then I thought about it from Tae’s perspective.

He clearly knows JK whispering to someone in the bathroom(fact). And, honestly like a good friend, he tries to cover it up (my opinion).

What I find interesting is that his way of kinda “not revealing” the secret or divert attention is by drawing attention to him and JK. That’s interesting, and I don’t understand why there is no thoughts on that.

My opinion is that Tae maybe was trying to normalize the behavior, and he thought well if I say we’re sharing a room, then ppl will focus on that instead of the secret rendezvous in the bathroom.

Which leads me to a bigger theory: Taekook normalizes Jikook.(totally my opinion)

imagine Jikook being a strong force, imo taekook is a strong force in the opposite direction.

I think if taekook wasn’t around, Jikook would stand out like a sore thumb. There are the first to negate even the most obvious Jikook moments. In my baby army stage even when every logical part of my brain was screaming there’s something up with these two, I watched taekook videos to shut it down. Like oh it’s just shipping, and move on.

I mean no one wants to even acknowledge the notion taekook acts a diversion for Jikook why? “If taekookers say this. Then I can’t think like this cause tkkers are crazy”

My point ^. The presence of tkkers make Jkkers so insecure all of a sudden they forget Jimin bit JK’s neck and JK sucked his ears.

Anyone feeling like Jikook could be real? Lemme just watch a Taekook video to remind myself I’m just a delulu shipper like them. Hence why I think RM said film a video with Tae after JKs very sis GCF in Tokyo.

Anyway, it’s clear as day to me when vminkook are together. Take the ppyong live. JK came in and the atmosphere changed. JK does a very imo bf thing and moves Hobi to sit next to jimin, then you know it’s all over.

All of a sudden they are kekekeing in a corner and what is Tae’s response? “JK didn’t you and I do boxing something like that”

Which wasn’t true as they said in the same live “lying is his charm” JK just shut it down,

I think Tae is “protecting” them in the best way he knows how, by absolutely trolling the hell out of army.

I think if Jikook accidentally kissed on stage. Hobi would freeze, namjoon would die, yoongi would stare, Jin look away and Tae would just kiss Jk or Jimin to even it out and divert attention lol. Either that or smile idk.

I think that’s his way of protecting them and now that he’s possibly in a relationship, maybe protect himself.

My 2 cents.

@jacha101 I hear you. I do.

I even want to say that in the past I thought it to be somewhat of a possibility. And not in the TKKs sick way of thinking that one queer relationship is showcased (JKK) to protect the second queer relationship (TKK), but more like Tae inserting himself into the mix to balance out the JKK interaction (like putting them on the same level so their interaction doesn't seem too suspicious). More like showing "we're all friends here, nothing queer going on..."

I thought it might be a possibility, even as close back as late 2021 (and only on certain occasions, because on other occasions it was as clear as day that Tae was there to troll them, as in to get in their faces and piss them off, lol).

I have also seen moments where Tae will be gatekeeping Jikook, but I don't think it was in a sense of pushing TKK, but more nudging the two out of a moment.

This one I'm not sure if is policing or trolling, lol.

And if we are talking about trolling...

There are so many more examples of Tae 'inserting' himself or policing Jikook or trolling them, whatever the reason may be.

In any case, unlike you, I don't think that TKK as a ship was ever there to protect JM or JK.

Ok, I think I have to start from the beginning here though.

Shipping two people together does not necessarily mean you see them as a couple. It is a slippery slope and many do ship that way, but as a whole a ship can mean you like the connection between two people, and it can be a totally platonic one at that. Many Vminers are not about Vmin being a couple, and more about their close friendship (although there are those that still live in a dream that it has even been more than that).

So, when we talk about TKK as a ship, if we were talking about normal human beings and not a fucking cult, they could totally be perceived as a cute ship, AS FRIENDS, partners in crime (in the past), and more recently too (bowling buddies, gaming buddies, not going live buddies, cause that was just way too awkward).

If this fandom was constituted from mentally stable people, indeed I could maybe say that at times TKK as a ship can even out the JKK interactions and be used by them to balance things out a little and take the attention off JKK and their very suspicious interactions. Although, while writing those lines I can't help but think to myself that Jikook's chemistry and closeness cannot be compared to TKK's. They are just not the same, no matter which what way you look at them. If you are a person with common sense and life experience (including a basic level of emotional intelligence) you can see there is clearly a difference between the two couplings.

But in any case, you and I know that is not the case. This fandom is flawed, no secret there.

And we also know that the members and company know exactly who TKKs are and what they do and are capable of.

The vile hate JM gets from them is not an unknown. The harassment of whoever shows some sort of closeness or support for Jikook is also not an unknown. Their verbally violent behavior towards anyone who does not fall in line, and that includes JKKs (I'd say that is inconsequential to the company), people that may have interacted with Tae or JK or the two (including different brands or professionals) or even total strangers that they deem relevant to their sick fantasy about JK and Tae. All known to the members and to the company.

I really don't see JK nor Tae going to the lengths of promoting TKK as a ship to hide JKK knowing what they do about the consequences of pushing this ship.

That, by all means, does not mean the two will not interact and showcase their friendship. But JK, for one, has been trying for some time now to make sure the line in the sand is clear, that it's friendship and no more. Tae does not tread as carefully as JK does.

I'll go back to my initial statement. I do think that at times Tae pushed the TKK to 'change the subject' if you may. Or as you put it, take the attention off the Jikook elephant in the room. But many a times it's just Tae being Tae. Trolling both JM and JK and Army at the same time.

I kind of think at times that Tae is an anarchist at heart, lol. Or more so an agent of chaos. He loves to throw the stones and just see where they fall. He'll do it with JM ("I think JM likes men"), he'll do it with JK (take that NJ live and him unwilling to leave all while JK is doing everything possible for him to leave other than say "get the fuck out already"), he'll do it with Jikook ("JM is hanging out with JK") and he does it constantly with army, and I'd say even more so with TKKs. And here comes into work his lack of care as to the consequences of riling them up. I kind of think he, and I'm going to be careful with my wording here, doesn't care for big parts of this fandom (cough TKKs cough), and definitley doesn't think much of them.

If Tae was doing this out of the kindness of his heart or wanting to protect Jikook as a couple or JM and JK as individuals, if that was his objective, then he wouldn't, for instance, post a Jikook photo for Hobi's birthday, for example.

One thing I want to add here.

If TKK were being used to nullify JKK why is it that JK is constantly continuously doing things to show us that Jikook are more than friends? If JK himself wants to show us they are closer, they are just MORE, why would the whole TKK ship be used to nullify that? JK sucked on JM's ear in front of 10s of thousands of fans, knowing he's also being filmed. He wanted us all to see it. JK signed "I love you" to JM at the TMA's, knowing everyone saw it. JK tattooed the J over the M on his ring finger. JK outright said "I love you" to JM for all of us to hear it during the LV tour, and so much more. They have both done so much more to showcase their relationship. They don't want to be balanced out. And even more so knowing what they know about TKKs. JK doesn't want to be thought of as Tae's boyfriend, not when he's going out of his way to show what JM is to him.

At the end of the day, I do get what you're saying, but I don't think that JK nor Tae, nor JM for that matter, are people that would play along with this kind of game.

Ships are a thing, there is no escape from that. And the members know it. I mean they themselves have thrown around ship names once in a while. They are aware of the ships, they are aware of the shippers. Tae doesn't have to go live for 3 minutes, mention JK's name and leave for TKKs to be TKKs. If you get my drift. He didn't do that to balance out some kind of Jikook interaction.

Pretty much since the Busan concert we had close to no Jikook interactions. We got a few Run BTS episodes, which were mostly filmed before the concert. They themselves, until JK's Feb lives, were in radio silence. And once they became loud it was of their own accord, they wanted to be loud. They wanted to show us stuff. They didn't want or need Tae to balance out whatever we were getting from them (and all of this happening without even seeing them in the same frame). Tae showing up in JK's Feb live and the IG TKK live, all those happened during that radio silence period. During a time where the rejoicing sounds of "Jikook are over" were ever so loud. There was no need to push TKK to balance out non existent interactions or suspicions (cause they just weren't there at that point).

What I'm saying here is that Tae is doing whatever he's doing, not to balance out JKK.

And for those that will be coming at me, I'm not saying he did it necessarily to push TKK.

I'm saying he didn't do it to balance out JKK.

His reasons are his, whatever they may be. And there could be a plethora of them: he was bored, he wanted to do the live with a friend, he feels awkward doing the live alone and doing it with JK was a good way of being in touch with army all while not having all the attention on himself, etc.

I will end by saying that they all do love each other dearly. They have over 10 years of together, and although there might be ups and downs in their relationships, they do care greatly for each other and are good friends. Said care/love/friendship is showcased in their interactions with each other. Mostly good, at times not so much (we obviously do not get to see the full picture, and the big fights or blow ups we won't be privy to too much, I mean we just discovered from JK, and still not getting the whole story, that the dumpling fight was way bigger than what we were told for years). JK and Tae are good friends. Mates. And we will be getting a lot of them in the near future, mainly because the others won't be around soon. We need to overcome our adversity to TKKs and remember that this is about TKK, their bond, their friendship, not their shippers.

Karmy know how to enjoy their interactions. We need to be able to create a disconnect between the cult and these two people. They are friends, they interact, they most likely will be supporting each other through their solo debuts. It's about them and us supporting them. Not about demented fans that don't know boundaries or lack common sense. And we also need to remember that both JK and Tae have zero control over these fans, their behavior or actions.

Let's enjoy what they give us before they leave us.

[everrsilly]

I would like to milk you dry of all PA headcanons about anyone anything anywhere. If you have anything else you'd like to share please do I love your HCs<3

HIII omg i love talking about pa so much im so glad ppl wanna hear abt it :DD hc time.

- angel just has this intuition about patches. he can tell when he’s lying or when he’s hiding something like… 95% of the time. coco and olive especially have learned to look to him as a standard for whether patches is bsing his way through a conversation

- its for this reason that angel is the first person who learns about what patches actually goes through at home and not olive. combined with the little noticeable hints in his demeanor angel ends up sussing it out and confronting patches who gives up trying to make excuses eventually

- and so also i think they kind of have a misunderstanding deal where angel really is willing to give patches a second chance and treat him like a new person and patches is in his own head like wow he hates me and thinks i should die. and i personally also dont think angel ever wanted patches dead. in pa1 he just wanted to talk to patches. in pa2 he actually ingame smiles while remembering how it used to be. even in the bad end of pa3 where he kills patches it was something he saw as a necessary option to be safe in immediate danger

- and also i do not even think i put this in the patches answer but i think he does have a lot of inferiority issues from his childhood and by the end of pa3 he’s kind of at this place where he “knows” angel is better than him. specifically i think he would probably think about how he didn’t/couldn’t stand up for himself but angel stood up to him when he felt threatened/uncomfortable

- anyways angel and patches i think could very much grow to care about each other and actually support each other in a healthy manner and in my brain they work on that post canon. to me it’s less destined to be lovers and more like. inexplicably drawn to each other. the secret third thing. type relationship

- for this next part to make sense i have to add that in my head, ginger and mittens put a program together that puts a semi-small group of cats at hachiko high to take classes, sort of like transfer students. everyone that patches talks to who attended community day transfers as well as other assorted cats mostly chosen by mittens. so whisk and angel go there now basically lmao

- after canon i think whisk def develops an actual crush on patches and is mental about it. like “wow look another way i’m a disappointment to the wichien family name” kind of mental, because despite the growing affinity between cats and dogs, most of them still don’t like each other, ESPECIALLY the influential magical families. he tells mitt and she judges him Heavily (mostly because of patches being patches, not patches being a dog). he also Totally tells adopted sibling ginger and they share patches crush kinship

- i think he did genuinely think angel was cute but only in kind of a surface level way (they probably didn’t talk because angel mentions not being a fan of whisk in the pa3 prologue). when he likes patches he Actually likes patches and he has a full blown drama queen crisis about it

- crush also developed from being patches’ partner in home ec when school resumes. much preferable to having doug as a partner because patches can now be trusted around sharp objects and whisk gets to literally just stare at him being a good cook and then immediately pretend he isnt looking (patches says he isn’t but if he gets serious about cooking he lowkey wants to do everything himself. whisk can decorate the finished product but that’s it)

- i also hc that whisk is magicless and mitt is really strong because mitt took all of whisk’s magic. like how when twins are born one twin is sometimes healthier because it took the other twin’s nutrients in the womb? that’s what i think happened but with their magic

- speaking of couples i like ginger and sparky together as well. i think they are cute!! also if ginger was intended to be a team captain i would infer that she is decent at sports. in my head sparky is good with the strength sports and she is good with like the angle sports and the less crazy stuff, probably a good runner too. different kind of strength

- angel is into crocheting. or knitting. or wants to learn one or both. as a crocheter and wannabe knitter i feel like he would really like it

- i feel like ginger and coco get together and start helping more dogs discover their latent magic powers (like sparky in pa2 proved, dogs Can wield magic). bonding opportunity 2 for ginger/sparky as well

ok thats all i could think of rn. i do have a vague storyline plotted that happens in my head after pa3 to resolve some stuff and Make Patches Happier so maybe ill make. separate post about what goes on there? or ones with more little details abt them? idk we will see. i hope you enjoyed :))))

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 30+31.12.20 lbs

30.12.20

lmao ep starts off itself with vansh and kabir ka staring match.

vansh steady in first place, not having blinked for................ like 3 minutes now? this dude a fucking freak.

while riddhima gazes adoringly at him thinking bhagwaan ne mujhe itnaaaaaaaaaa achcha pati diya hai. pft. idk what the hell sins you did in your last life riddhima, to get a husband like this one in this life, but it had to be something reallllllllllll bad. like stealing from little orphans and kicking puppies or some shit.

thankfully dadi is here to put an end to this chutiyaapa.

countdown blah blah, no1 currrrrrrrrr.

itna pheeeeeeeeeenka happy new year. bhai-behen ho kya???

now we talking.

he just says some trite shit like new kahaani that will be remembered for ages blah blah and gives creepy looks. dude why can’t you be normal on oneeeee bloody day?

ahaana also giving random creepy looks seeing vansh/riddhima hugging. and she goes and............

i think i watch this show and rrahul a little too closely ki i instantly knew this isn’t his hand and thus it’s not vansh’s hand she’s holding.

yupppppppppp. bola tha na.

damn they make a hotass couple of shady bitches.

ok wow i’m really feeling it. wish kabir wasn’t a sociopath who is incapable of feeling attachment (“love” is too strong a word) for anyone but his mother.

lmao his reaction when ahaana tells him ki riddhima didn’t believe any of the pattiii she padaofied her about vansh.

ok but how do these two know each other??? matlab yeh le aaya hai issko? i thought vansh le aaya hoga?!!?

mereko kya kaunsa manhoos le aaya? i’m just here for the attractive ppl pressing their bodies up against each other. keep on keeping on, #KaHana

he’s warning her against ever double-crossing him and dude the angry/hate-sex vibes here are *~~~ExQuISiTe*~~~~

the way she’s confidently gazing at him all sexy tells me she’s a much more seasoned player than riddhima and i already love her more than the damn lead of the show.

damn. that’s a gnarly period you got riddhima. that’s an unusual amount of flow. go see a doctor about it, sis.

i’ve heard about ppl making art with menstrual blood and all, but this is fucking ridiculous.

anyway of course the dumbass goes investigating it. and got fucking attacked in the storeroom and SOMEONE HUNG HER UP. LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN THIS MESSED UP HOUSE DUDE????/ WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU STILLL LIVE HERE????

Chehra Appreciation Break

asadkjasldjlaskdjlsakjdlas the way he’s yelling for everyone and interrogating them of their whereabouts coz riddhima’s missing.

lmao ishani and ahaana’s reactions at this temper tantrum are fucking amazing.

dang what’s with the suuuuuper orange lower half of his face???? ugh. the foundation woes are back now that the beard’s growing back in.

anyway he went barrelling off to find her after some more chabaaya hua dhamkis at his fam. ahaana already regretting moving into this pagaal khaana.

this scene is so fucking disturbing to watch that i don’t even wanna fucking cap it. but she was legit getting HANGED and he managed to get there in the nick of time and save her.

how, you ask? BY SHOOTING AT THE ROPE, INSTEAD OF JUST.......... DOING SOMETHING NORMAL LIKE RUNNING AND PUTTING THE STOOL BACK UNDER HER FEET TO STABILIZE HER. THIS SHOW IS JUST FUCKING BATSHIT INSANE, MY LORD.

this poor girl, my god. i don’t think i’ve ever watched a tellywood FL be tortured to the extent that this one is on a daily basis. it’s fucking ridiculous. there’s no redemption for any of the raisinghanias at this point. she just needs to fucking leave (and file several domestic violence cases against each and every one of them, except dadi.)

anyway she tells him whatever went down today, starting from the period blood fiasco onwards and he’s........ vibrating in anger. cool i guess.

some promises and shit about how who ever did this will pay, time for “humaara khel” and .......... dude. you say this shit every single time. and nothing changes. i don’t give a fuck anymore about your stupid promises. move the fuck outta this hellhole with your wife if you really mean it.

seedha jaake ahaana ke sar pe bandook taan di. based on what evidence? only the Good Lord above knows, coz vansh and the writers sure don’t.

no literally based on what is he accusing her and pulling the trigger??????? idgi??????

almost shot her and is saying “riddhima pe kharonchh nahi aani chahiye, baat ishq aur vishwaas ki hai” and ahaana is giggling and literally what the fuck is going on i’m so confused.

ahaana saying wowwwww, you want revenge also, and she shouldn’t get hurt also.

MOTHERFUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNEW IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE’S THE ONE WHO BROUGHT AHAANA IN!!!!!!!!!!!!

literally what the fuck is this dude on???? badla chahiye, par dard nahi hona chahiye. bhai, kya phoonk ke aaye ho, humein bhi toh thoda de do.

ok this is tooooo fucking convoluted a game. riddhima thinks kabir is the one attacking her. but it’s kabir + ahaana. kabir thinks ahaana is on his side and brought her into VR mansion, but ahaana is double agent who was actually planted in kabir’s nazar by vansh to fuck over BOTH kabir and riddhima. i think?????????

ahaana be like re devaaaaaa, what fucking madness have i gotten myself into????????????? the things i have to do for health insurance coverage during a pandemic.

———————————————————————

31.12.20

first 5 minutes is some new year ka naach gaana bs. fwding.

ok this fucker is a legit motherflipping crazy. he just wants to keep torturing riddhima for god knows how long.

even ahaana is alarmed.

did he do absolutely noooooo research after the cliff chhalaang? like....... this revenge shit is so dumb at this point, when he knows she brought in vihaan to stop kabir from ruining the family, and took a second fucking bullet for him?!?!?!?!?!?! they shouldn’t have written the second gunshot plot point, coz now he looks like a reallllllllll unappreciative fucker for whom literally no good deed is enough.

WHAT PYAAR AND VISHWAAS, FUCKER???????? LITERALLY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?????? YOU’VE PLAYED THESE GAMES WITH HER FROM THE VERY START OF YOUR MARRIAGE AND MAYBE TOOK A BREAK FOR A WEEK OR TWO IN BETWEEN - WHEN SHE GOT SHOT THE FIRST TIME AND DURING ISHANI’S WEDDING. THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT??????/ LIKE.......... THIS MAKES NO BLOODY SENSE. THIS CHARACTER IS JUST SUCH A SUPREME DOUCHEBAG, MY GOD. THERE’S ABSOLUTELY NO REDEEMING HIM WHATSOEVER.

also can’t say rrahul’s extra chabaaaaa chabaaaaaaa ke bolna is making this enjoyable to watch at all.

all i wanna know is what ahaana has on him that he’s indebted to her and thought her worthy enough to join forces with. SPILL SPILL SPILL SPILL!!!!!!!!!!!! what does ahaana get outta all this?!!?!?!!!!!!

riddhima on the other hand running around wondering whom vansh is gonna murder. SIS YOU JUST GOT STRANGULATED CAN YOU SIT DOWN FOR A HOT SEC AND REST?!?!!?!?

ahaana is like bro you gonna ruin riddhima’s life, and he’s like yeah, that’s what i want. jesus christ, dude. just divorce her then. why prolong this shit out like this????? truly psychopathic.

riddhima hears his voice and heads to the pool area..........

............. isn’t that his shoulder there behind the tree? is she fucking blind???????? HOW CAN SHE NOT SEE HIS 7 FOOT TALL HULKING ASS BEHIND THAT PATLA SA JHAADI?????? HE’S LITERALLY THERE LIKE........

........... she left. god. she’s really really REALLY stupid. like pretty sure these crimes against her count as extraaaaaaaaa bad....... like, pick on someone with your own brain capacity, vansh? leave the simple minded sis alone!

the only gift that’s acceptable from you rn sir, is divorce papers. and a self-filed restraining order promising to stay 3 whole districts away.

yikes, that beard is notttttt growing in well.

“tum mujhe apne saare stress de do.” BITCH YOU’RE HER BIGGEST STRESS. ASSHOLE. I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

“tumse door jaake jaaonga kahaan? abhi toh bohut kuch baaki hai.” fucking dieeee, you psychopath.

lmaoooooooooooooooo her face when she doesn’t understand wtf this gift is supposed to be. i’ve been there sis. trying to fake enthusiasm for some reallllll bad gifts from men is truly painful.

also she’s so dang cute when they let her use her face properly!!!!!! har waqt bechaari ko bass rulaate rehte hain iss show mein.

one ainvayiiii gift ke bahaane some random cuteness.

sis gazing at him some more thinking omg he loves me soooooooo much.

she remembered ahaana’s warning, and is like no she was lying to me!!!!!!!!! stupid stupid stupiddddddd. no matter whoever planted her, you should believe that sister over your haraami misters. motive jo bhi ho, bol toh behen sach hi rahi thi.

yuck that looks ugly af. why the hell would you want that on your bedroom wall? esp. when your bedroom is already so goddamn fugly.

anyway he’s gaslighting her some more about ahaana blah blah.

riddhima like i’ll prove it. le, iska jee nahi bharaa. she wants to do more jasoosi and go get stuck in random traps that try to kill her.

vansh promising he’ll throw ahaana and her partners out if she can prove it. meaning you’ll........... throw yourself out?????

whatever man, idk and idc anymore what this fucker does. i’m just here for the faces.

threatening notes planted in all these ppl’s rooms. everyone instantly like OMG VANSHHHHHHHHHHH DID THISSSSS. lol coz who else does this chutiyaapa of leaving random messages around like this.

but nope. chachi saw riddhima’s earring lying there and knows it’s her.

isko bhi mila.

lmao kabir rueing the day he set eyes on riddhima coz jeena haraam kar rakha hai ladki ne.

riddhima like mwahahahahhaha they must have got my notes and now they’ll come attack me! behen, woh toh note ke bina bhi roz karte aaye hain...............

there. promptly got jumped.

surprise, surprise.

lol attitude toh dekho behen ka. wish she was the lead of the show instead of riddhima.

[jawnjendes]

little fighter | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth gf

an: this is apart of @fourtristattoos spring fest. i didn’t go with the weekly theme but i did use a few of the prompts from the list provided, and i will continue to do so for this series until the fest is over. honestly, im really proud of this chapter in particular, and it would be cool if ppl read it or whatever. if you like whats going on here, blease check out my masterlist for this series :)

masterlist | series playlist

For someone who acts composed with no fucks to give, I harbor quite a bit of guilt. I've always felt bad about things I did or did not have control over. I came from a good family. My parents never divorced, and they supported me through and through. I was always a good student in school, I even got into not one, but three amazing psychology departments at different universities. I had good friends throughout my life. I loved and lost. I experienced things the typical human goes through, and that was before I moved to Canada.

I was quite lucky. Nothing tragic happened in my childhood or teen years to make me the way I am now.

No, I don't count my abnormal digestive issues as something tragic. It's not tragic. Besides, that started in my early adulthood and yes, I harbored guilt about that too because I was able to manage it without much hassle.

So tell me why my self esteem was so shot that I went after shitty people so they could love me the way younger me imagined. Tell me why I got so depressed before university that I stopped going to work and school. Tell me what I did that made me a nervous stick in the mud. When and why did my brain become my biggest enemy?

This isn't about my not-tragic backstory. This is about where I'm at now. I've done my crying and wallowing. I go to therapy and swallow my pills.

I'm worried this will be perceived as a “she got a boyfriend and now she's healed” trope. It's not that. Like I said, I've done my healing. The fact that I have Shawn now is a very, very fortunate bonus. I know my worth now, even though sometimes I feel like I don't deserve him. I know what I don't deserve, and that's every relationship I had before Shawn came along.

He wasn't ashamed of his own feelings. There was never a moment where he didn’t tell me how he felt about me. He wasn't afraid to tell people that I was his girlfriend. He was all but bursting whenever he talked about our families meeting. I know that's the barest of minimums, but you would be surprised at the amount of relationships I had that were 50% shame and 50% hiding.

Shawn was always going the extra mile for me. If my digestive system was messing itself up, he kept me bed bound at his apartment, and he nursed me back to health. If I was bored to death at work, he would come and visit me after my manager's shift ended. He would drive thirty minutes into town to bring me lunch as well.

Work. That's where this is going. I was sat in my tiny office with Manager Stacy and Coworker Jason, counting down the minutes to my break. It had been a long day, what with customers complaining about $30 oil changes, or telling me their life stories in a rude manner over the phone. I had to smile at gross older men staring down my shirt as they paid for their car service. Stacy was short tempered and tired, so she gave us hell for little things like the printer being out of paper. She yelled at Luca for slouching in his chair, and that prompted him to leave the room. At least he had the liberty to to do that. I had to stay at my tiny window and feel Stacy's third eye burn a hole in the back of my head.

I would have texted Shawn telling him to just take me somewhere for lunch as opposed to bringing me something, but I didn't want to get yelled at for being on my phone. I just pretended to add up gas receipts while periodically looking at the time on the computer.

Somehow, Shawn read my mind. I saw him enter the dealership from my post, and he was empty handed. Typically, he had a to-go bag from my favorite restaurant. He made eye contact with me and smiled, coming up to my tiny window. Before he could say anything, a male voice called his name.

A deep pit formed in my stomach as Luca excitedly came into view. He greeted Shawn with a handshake/bro hug and a “What's up, man?”

Not going to lie, I forgot they knew each other. I forgot that Luca gave Shawn the concept for his song Mercy, even though I skipped that song when it came on these days.

I grabbed my purse from under my desk as I let the two catch up. I told Stacy I was taking my lunch break and then stepped out of the office. I stepped up to Shawn, still feeling uneasy.

“What brings you here, man?” Luca asked him. “Need service on your car? Or are you finally trading that thing in?”

“Nah, I'm just here to see my girl,” he replied as he took my hand.

Luca tilted his head and pursed his lips the way he always did when he was confused. His eyes trailed towards me like he barely noticed I was there.

“You two?” he asked in disbelief.

“Four and a half months,” Shawn replied with a smile.

I couldn't help but triumph in the shocked expression Luca had on his face. I smiled a little bit.

“I thought you were lying about that,” he said to me.

“Why would I?” I asked in return. Then, I walked towards the building exit, dragging Shawn with me.

~

I'm not one for flexing what I got, but I was particularly happy about Shawn walking me back into the dealership when we got back from lunch. We went for sushi down the street and spent most of my lunch hour in the car. We were still in our own little world, I was genuinely smiling. Other salesmen who worked here had to do a double take because I wasn't doing the typical customer service smile.

We stopped at the door to my office. Shawn planted a quick kiss on me and promised to see me later. I couldn't help but watch him as he walked past the office window towards the exit. I was okay to think about our little world until the end of my shift tonight. However, I was snapped back into reality at the sound of all too familiar words coming out of the all too familiar devil's mouth.

“Fucking whore…”

My smile dropped, but I was ready to roll my eyes and move on. Shawn, on the other hand, stopped in his tracks and turned on his heel. He went up to the window and looked directly at Luca.

“What did you just say?” he asked, leaning on the little ledge. He was smiling, but it wasn't hard to tell that he was annoyed.

“I'm just calling it as I see it,” Luca replied with an all too casual shrug. “She tell you what she got up to before you came along?”

I know I said I was about to let it go… but I ended up barging into the office and going right up to Luca. I grabbed the arm of the chair he was sitting in and forcibly turned him towards me.

“You don't get to do that,” I said loudly, not caring about my professional reputation at the moment.

Luca had an amused look on his stupid face. His dimples showed, and he was trying not to laugh.

“No - you don't get to act like I don't exist and then get salty because I found someone who's way better than you will ever be!” I pointed a finger at him. “You're the last person who gets to call me a whore! You broke the pieces of me that I gave you! You toyed with me for two and a half years, you manipulated and used me and you do not get to call me a whore because I decided I deserve better! You don't get to make any criticisms about my life. Get fucked!”

Silence rang through the tiny office. Jason and Stacy were standing at the back, mouths open. The smirk on Luca's face had vanished, and his face flushed with embarrassment. I was ready to throw hands if he dared to speak.

Then, Shawn spoke. “Let's step out for a second.”

My eyes darted to him. He nodded his head to the side, towards some customers who had lined up behind him. One was a girl about my age who was smiling at the tea being spilled. Behind her was an older couple who looked annoyed at my lack of professionalism.

“Go,” Stacy piped up in her stern manager voice. “I'll help these guys.”

I sighed angrily and went out the door again. I muttered an “excuse me” as I went past the small line of customers and I walked past Shawn. He quickly followed me, telling me to slow down.

“Hey!” He jogged up to me as I stepped outside into the oncoming night. He grabbed my hand to stop me. “Honey…”

I wanted to childishly pull away from his grasp and fold my arms. I wanted to run back inside and drop kick my coworker. Steam was still blowing out of my ears, and I wanted to fucking fight.

“Does he always say things like that?” Shawn asked.

“Yes,” I grumbled, looking out at the shiny new vehicles that were displayed in the parking lot. “That's all I am to him, that's all I've been to him since I broke up with him.”

“And you just let him get away with it?”

My seething eyes now pointed at my boyfriend. I yanked my hand away from his and flailed both my arms as I unleashed another bout of rage. “You think this is the first time I've yelled at him? You think I always just lay back and take it all the time? I'm always sticking up for myself in this god awful place because I'm the bitch who doesn't smile! Nobody here has my back! My own boss didn't even say anything to him! If you think I'm the type to take-”

Shawn quickly held his hands up, trying to calm my hysterical movements. “Okay, okay! I'm sorry. I know you don't take anyone's bullshit. He deserved to get yelled at. I would have done it myself, but you're my little fighter.” He offered a smile.

If there was any special nickname he had for me that wasn't the typical “honey” or anything involving my all black attire, it was that. “Little fighter.” Hearing it helped diffuse some of my anger.

I finally felt rational enough to take a deep breath, calming me down even more. Shawn offered his hand, but I wasn't ready for that just yet.

He thought otherwise. “Please, just take my hand.”

“I am a fighter,” I said, folding my arms. “I did not go through various amounts of bullshit to let some fuckboy tear me down.”

Shawn just looked at me for a moment, then he agreed. “That's right.” He was still holding his hand out. “And you're very cute when you're angry.”

I rolled my eyes. “You know, I wanted to kick the shit out of my coworker, but since you're here…”

He chuckled. “Okay, okay. What I meant is, I'm just glad you know your worth. And seeing you stand up for yourself is probably the hottest thing I've ever seen you do.”

Now I took his hand. “Shut up.”

[nahmooste]

i don’t believe in magic, usually

pairing: Kenny Omega/Female OC warnings: none. two part update, part 2 is smut, this is not a/n: inspired by a lot of things, but mostly how adorable Kenny is. mostly. anyways, if you guys have any sentence prompts for NJPW ppl, i’ll write it, promise. 

“Teri?”

She doesn’t look up at first, too consumed with finishing her set of squats. She’s only just hit 170lbs across the back, the most she’s ever done, and she’ll be damned if she lets some weirdo ruin her training. She isn’t completely alone here, either— one of her training partners is over on the dumbbells, which means if she needs back up… he’s right there.

But the person she turns to isn’t a fan. He looks… eerily familiar.

“Teri Arakawa?” It’s said more as a question now, and slowly she begins to recognise who stands in front of her. Curly hair mismatched in colour, some tendrils pale blonde, others dark grey, and eyes so blue they put her nerves on edge.

“I’m sorry, I know your face, but…” she hesitates and wipes some sweat from her brow. “Your name escapes me.”

“It’s okay, we barely know each other. I don’t think I even introduced myself when we met.” The man smiles and holds out his hand. “Kenny Omega.”

She balks. Oh. “You held a seminar at one of the Stardom dojos… fuck. Sorry. I’m scatter brained a bit, don’t even remember my own birthday. I was only there for an hour, I think? I remember having to leave to catch my flight back home and that’s about it.”

He laughs at her and nods his head, curls bobbing. “That’s okay. Y’know, it’s not that often that someone in the wrestling business doesn’t remember my name… not that I’m bragging, but—“

“Oh, no, I know your name. All that six star hype, mind you I haven’t actually watched the match yet.” Teri smirks at his red cheeks. “I don’t really spend that much time on the internet? I don’t have a twitter, either. PR is hassling me to get one but I can’t really imagine a time where I open my phone and want to know everyone’s opinion. Between wrestling and promoting and eating and training and sleeping, I don’t really have that much free time.”

“I must sound a bit arrogant, huh?” Kenny shakes his head again and smiles. He gestures over his shoulder at the man she’s here with. “He’s not stopped glaring at me since I’ve come over here. Boyfriend?”

Teri snorts and glances towards Katsuhiko Nakajima, who has been no doubt staring at the exchange the entire time. “Nakajima? No. He’s my cousin’s boyfriend. I mean he’s cute but… not really my type.”

Kenny’s eyes flash at the statement and his grin deepens, and now she knows why he’s talking to her, and her grin grows a little as well. He’s a very attractive man, and Teri would be lying if she didn’t admit there was a magnetism towards the Canadian that was attractive. Because he was very, very good looking.

“What is your type?”

She wants to say it’s him, push the envelope a bit, tease him, because she’s never been afraid of a little rejection— but something tells her to bite it back a touch. “I guess you can find out if you take me to dinner.”

The look on Kenny’s face says everything she needs to know. “How about I’ll give you my number and then we can organise something? I’m a busy man, Teri-chan, unfortunately I actually need to keep a schedule and diary.”

Teri chuckles, because she knows exactly what he means. She grabs her phone and hands it to him, smiling harder when she watches him fumble to get his name in. Kenny may be outwardly confident, but by the looks of it, he’s just as clumsy. Which, Teri admits, is pretty cute. Like him. And the curls. She really likes the curls.

“Call me.”

And she does. After she’s convinced Nakajima that he should not, in fact, kick Kenny’s face off his head, she showers and grabs her stuff, makes her way back to her small yet spacious apartment in Aichi Prefecture. She stares at her calendar as they talk about days they have off, and she’s content with waiting a week until they can get to know each other a bit better. After all, Teri has some homework to do— matches to watch, interviews to read… she doesn’t want to be caught off guard again.

~

Turns out that Teri has absolutely no idea what to wear on a casual date— she doesn’t know how to do her hair or her make up, and kind of gets lost in YouTube videos and Spotify songs. And instead of being prepared, she’s running late— completely not what she’d intended to do.

Kenny doesn’t seem to mind. He’s seen her sweaty and red faced before and tells her that even like that, she’s beautiful. He smiles at her blush and yaps in pain when she punches him.

Teri can tell that he’s not unimpressed by her appearance, though. She’s dressed in skinny jeans and a khaki jacket rests easy over a pink knit jumper, suede boots pushing her a little taller than her actual height. He’s not the tallest man, but he’s still taller than her. Just as she likes it, really. In turn, Kenny is dressed nicely in faded jeans and a black shirt, same coloured blazer pulled across his shoulders.

“So, I figured before I went on this date with you that I should do some homework,” Teri tells him, eyes glinting mischievously as she sips at some wine. “Your match with Okada… it’s good.”

“Good?” He laughs. His attention is on her completely as he leans across the table, chin resting on his hands. “Good, but not great. I see, I see. What would you do differently?”

“Win.”

Kenny’s smirk matches her own. ”Remind me to come see you next time I need some genuine advice.”

“Yes, sir.”

He eyes her a bit before taking a sip of his own water, grin pushing at the corners of his mouth. “Sir,” he mimics. “Never thought I’d hear that one, I’ll admit.”

But Teri’s feeling a bit cheeky. “I say it more tongue in cheek than anything else, y’know. If you want me to call you daddy, though…that’s another story.”

Kenny splutters over his laugh, chuckling and trying to reply to her for a while before he actually does. “I’ll, uh. I’ll keep that in mind.”

The waiter comes around shortly after that, and Teri orders herself another glass of red wine and a pasta dish, smiling when Kenny orders the most Asian thing on the menu. Typical. As they wait for their dinner to come out, Teri quizzes Kenny on everything she possibly can— from his borderline obsession with Japan to working for NJPW to what Canada is like.. absolutely anything that jumps to her mind. She doesn’t have a filter drunk or sober.

By the time their meal is finished and Teri is on her third glass of red, her cheeks are tinged pink. “Are you really going to sit there and not ask me?”

“Ask you what?” Kenny looks caught off-guard, but she can tell that there’s been something on his mind.

“That question you’ve been dying to ask me. The entire night.”

He blushes a bit. His eyes drop to the table and then he glances up at her again. “You haven’t asked. I’m curious… does it bother you?”

It takes Teri a moment for her mind to wrap around what he’s saying to her, and when it does, the penny drops— she’s got it wrong. He hasn’t been waiting to ask her something, he’s been waiting for her to ask something. He’s been preparing himself to answer a question she’s not interested in asking.

“You mean you and Kota Ibushi?” He kinda flinches at the name, but nods his head and doesn’t meet her eyes. Teri sighs, raises a shoulder indifferently. “I don’t particularly care. I mean, who wouldn’t go there? He’s a babe. You’re a babe. I get it. But I don’t really care about your past— not yet, anyway. Maybe one day I’ll ask, but not today. Not yet. Plus… I’m enjoying myself and your company too much, no need to ruin it.”

His grin is genuinely the warmest thing she’s seen all night. Kenny Omega… what a man, indeed. The perfect mix of boyish charm and mystique, gorgeous curls and eyes that have her melting under his gaze more than a few times.

Apparently, her gaze has the same effect on him.

“If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”

Teri smirks at him and finishes the rest of her wine. “I mean… I am flirting with you. But seduce you? Trust me, you’d know.”

“Would I, though?” Kenny raises an eyebrow, leans across the table towards her. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I feel like you’re the kind of person who flirts with everyone they speak to.”

“Oh, so I’m the same as you, then?”

There’s a moment of silence while Kenny just stares at her. “Touché.”

And, because Teri is feeling bold all sorts of temptation, she slips one of the boots off of her foot. Leans across the table, folds her hands and places her chin on top of them, staring so intently at Kenny his cheeks go pink. And as she drags her foot up the inside of his leg, the flush crawls down his neck. “Teri…” he warns, and then his eyes slide shut.

“Yes?”

He doesn’t reply straight away, instead takes a deep breath and then opens his eyes. “Should we leave?”

“Thought you’d never ask.”