I don't know how to tell you these feelings I have. I don't know if you will understand. I am barely understanding. I long for your attention. I wish to be in your presence. I aspire to be you but at the same time I dream to be with you. I have so many questions I want to ask you; I want to get to know you. Do you know? Did you see the longing in my eyes thay night? Did you see the butterflies I tried to hide? You took my breathe away and lit up my evening. Now that I know you exist, how do I move on with my menial life?
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I'm a cryptid in Stardew valley. I live on the outskirts of town. I disappear for days on end, purchasing daily one-way tickets to the calico desert. Nobody knows where I go while I'm there. Can occasionally be found fishing at random spots throughout town. I am never not running on at least one triple shot espresso. I take the abandoned minecarts to get around and am frequently seen disappearing into the sewers. I carry a sword for some reason. Once every week or two I will stride into your bedroom to deliver you your favorite meal. I'm a self-made millionaire. I attend all the town events and will go to your concert in the next town over. I have donated approximately 2583 items to the local museum and singlehandedly revitalized the town community center. There are rumors I can talk to junimos. I'm friends with the local wizard
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There’s something so important about dungeon meshi choosing falin to be their missing party member. She’s their healer. She is, in many ways, the most important member. She’s the one who ensures they all come home in one piece at the end of the day. So from a storytelling perspective, it makes sense that it would be her. It intrinsically raises the stakes by taking away the party’s ability to quickly heal.
But from a thematic standpoint it’s even more significant. Falin is the best of them. She holds them all together. There’s a reason why the party splits up when they lose her, after all. The only reason Laois and Marcille know each other is because of Falin, so by extension she’s the only reason their party exists the way it does.
There’s something almost divine about the way she’s characterized by her friends. They talk about her kindness, think of what she’d do if she were with them. You never hear anyone speak poorly of her. Everyone else has flaws. Laois struggles to connect with others, Chilchuck can’t admit when he cares, Marcille refuses to be wrong, and Senshi is very stuck in his ways. None of these are necessarily a bad thing. It just makes them complex people. But Falin is almost more of an idealized concept than a person.
And then we see Falin on screen, a mess of bones and viscera. We see her put back together with forbidden magic, her new body soaked with blood. We see that there’s something off about her, that alongside her kindness is incredible power. And everything up until that point reframes itself. Falin has always been part monster, from her compassion for the dead to her magic school hideout in a dungeon. She dies and comes back, not just changed but amplified. She’s a healer, a ghost, a monster, all tucked beneath the same skin.
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at some point it's just like. do they even fucking like the thing they're asking AI to make? "oh we'll just use AI for all the scripts" "we'll just use AI for art" "no worries AI can write this book" "oh, AI could easily design this"
like... it's so clear they've never stood in the middle of an art museum and felt like crying, looking at a piece that somehow cuts into your marrow even though the artist and you are separated by space and time. they've never looked at a poem - once, twice, three times - just because the words feel like a fired gun, something too-close, clanging behind your eyes. they've never gotten to the end of the movie and had to arrive, blinking, back into their body, laughing a little because they were holding their breath without realizing.
"oh AI can mimic style" "AI can mimic emotion" "AI can mimic you and your job is almost gone, kid."
... how do i explain to you - you can make AI that does a perfect job of imitating me. you could disseminate it through the entire world and make so much money, using my works and my ideas and my everything.
and i'd still keep writing.
i don't know there's a word for it. in high school, we become aware that the way we feel about our artform is a cliche - it's like breathing. over and over, artists all feel the same thing. "i write because i need to" and "my music is how i speak" and "i make art because it's either that or i stop existing." it is such a common experience, the violence and immediacy we mean behind it is like breathing to me - comes out like a useless understatement. it's a cliche because we all feel it, not because the experience isn't actually persistent. so many of us have this ... fluttering urgency behind our ribs.
i'm not doing it for the money. for a star on the ground in some city i've never visited. i am doing it because when i was seven i started taking notebooks with me on walks. i am doing it because in second grade i wrote a poem and stood up in front of my whole class to read it out while i shook with nerves. i am doing it because i spent high school scribbling all my feelings down. i am doing it for the 16 year old me and the 18 year old me and the today-me, how we can never put the pen down. you can take me down to a subatomic layer, eviscerate me - and never find the source of it; it is of me. when i was 19 i named this blog inkskinned because i was dramatic and lonely and it felt like the only thing that was actually permanently-true about me was that this is what is inside of me, that the words come up over everything, coat everything, bloom their little twilight arias into every nook and corner and alley
"we're gonna replace you". that is okay. you think that i am writing to fill a space. that someone said JOB OPENING: Writer Needed, and i wrote to answer. you think one raindrop replaces another, and i think they're both just falling. you think art has a place, that is simply arrives on walls when it is needed, that is only ever on demand, perfect, easily requested. you see "audience spending" and "marketability" and "multi-line merch opportunity"
and i see a kid drowning. i am writing to make her a boat. i am writing because what used to be a river raft has long become a fully-rigged ship. i am writing because you can fucking rip this out of my cold dead clammy hands and i will still come back as a ghost and i will still be penning poems about it.
it isn't even love. the word we use the most i think is "passion". devotion, obsession, necessity. my favorite little fact about the magic of artists - "abracadabra" means i create as i speak. we make because it sluices out of us. because we look down and our hands are somehow already busy. because it was the first thing we knew and it is our backbone and heartbreak and everything. because we have given up well-paying jobs and a "real life" and the approval of our parents. we create because - the cliche again. it's like breathing. we create because we must.
you create because you're greedy.
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The "the average solesian meets 3 gods in their lifetime" factoid is actually a statistical error. The average solesian meets no gods in their life. Kristen Applebees, who has died so many times that she meets 2 gods per year, is an outlier and should not be counted.
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Daniel working on his laptop ignoring Louis/Armand fighting in the background like the perfect child of divorce lmfao. Reminds me of Claudia writing in her diary ignoring Louis/Lestat arguing lmaaooooo
Who's the band aid for a shitty marriage now huh Danny baby?
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