#Medication actually working ... I didn't think something would make me feel genuinely happy for more than a minute or two but this

[mrfoox]

I still can't believe that for the first time like ever I feel kinda happy. Like not just... Okay/whatever but happy.... I have things I'd like to fix and get in my life still but the big whole i am happy, I got so much good things

[psychoticallytrans]

There's this idea, fairly common in society, that mental illness is for teens and up. Children are happy little creatures, generally, right? Sometimes they're abused and the trauma can make them mentally ill, but that's not common.

There are two fundamental problems with this attitude. One, it's incorrect to assume that trauma is the only reason a young kid can be mentally ill. Two, trauma is more common than people think. I'll be covering the first problem in this post through the lens of my particular experience.

Where I live, you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder at 18 years old. You cannot be diagnosed with bipolar disorder as a minor. This poses a problem because my age of onset was in first grade, roughly six years old. Because of the fact that I was very young and new to the world, this was also the age of my first suicide attempt. Thinking I wouldn't be able to pass a spelling test genuinely felt like something worth trying to die over. So, I ate some hemlock, since I'd read about Socrates being killed with it. Luckily, I ate western hemlock, an unrelated species, and just felt kind of sick.

I'm not recounting that for fun or pity. I'm recounting it because children with mental illness are in genuine danger because they have little to no experience with managing their emotions, have little to no concept of the idea that their life can change and improve, and are dismissed by adults. I told a teacher that the test made me want to die, though not that I'd attempted to, and it was brushed off as little kid hyperbole. If I had used a method that was effective rather than one I thought would be, I would have been dead at six years old.

I would not receive medication that worked even a bit for another two years. I would not receive treatment for bipolar disorder specifically for ten years, and that required my PCP fudging the reason for the medication because she was afraid I would die if she didn't, and diagnosis was still two years off at minimum. I received a formal diagnosis at age 19, thirteen years after onset.

But surely that's uncommon, right? This story is a huge edge case, right? I actually have no idea, because age of onset and age of diagnosis are massively conflated for most disabilities. Policies like the one in my area that restricted bipolar diagnoses by age can artificially raise the age of "onset", in my case by thirteen years. The general idea that children are somehow immune to mental illness can also delay diagnosis by several years, perpetuating the idea that young children can't be mentally ill. The data on when people start experiencing mental illness is inherently skewed upwards, and I frankly don't have a good estimate on how bad that skew is. If anyone does have that data, please chime in.

Listen to children. If they're saying they're sad all the time, that they don't care about anything, that they don't see a future for themselves, those are signs of depressive symptoms. If they say that tests make them feel sick, that they can't do anything because they're scared, that they can't breathe and freeze up, those are signs of anxious symptoms. Many children talk about imaginary things, and that's just fine, but slip in a question or two about them to make sure that the kid is just playing, and not experiencing psychosis.

Children are new to the world and vulnerable, and they don't know what's normal and what isn't. They need people who are more experienced watching out for problems they might be having, and listening when they talk about having problems. If you can, try to be the person who perceives them, and tells them that things can be better.

[antiadvil]

ok i'm trying to figure out exactly what is going on in my head bc i don't really find the wad hat thing particularly cute like it's funny and i'll joke about it but it inspires no shippy feelings in me.

and i think like. part of it is that migraines can be so scary and difficult to control and i don't find "oh this one specific hat helps with migraines even though no others do" to be like... a comforting or reassuring narrative. if that happened to me like yeah i'd be happy that it helped but it's really scary to have so little control over your disease! what happens if i lose that hat? if i don't know why it's working i can't replicate it. it's scary to rely so much on one specific item that can't be replaced.

i also don't want people to actually think that the hat is a cure lmao. i know i literally called it a cure in probably more than one post and like it's fine to joke about but blah blah blah migraine is a lifelong uncurable neurological condition that can only be managed with preventative and abortive medications. people casually call things "cures" for migraine all the time and like the colloquial use of the word cure is super different than the medical use so i can't really say people are using it wrong, but for something to be a medical cure it needs to get rid of a condition and stop it from coming back. there are no migraine medications that do this: even if botox stops me from getting a migraine ever again, it's not a cure because it wears off and i need to keep getting it every 3 months for it to keep working. i know that people say "cure" all the time when they really mean "medication that works really well at managing symptoms" and i'm not going to demand people stop that entirely but i do also want to point out that phil only said it helped with migraines he got from looking at his phone (I'm sure he gets migraines from many other sources) and he didn't say how well it works. and i'm sure he's using a fuckton of other preventative tools. which doesn't mean the hat isn't helping! phil hasn't spoken much about the details of his migraine management (which is completely his choice and i support it, tbh if i had a major platform like his i would be really worried that i might accidentally influence people in the wrong way, like i would never want someone to make their migraine management decisions based on what worked well for me) so i don't want people to think that like avoiding chocolate + wearing the wad hat are the pillars of his migraine management plan just bc that's all he's shared.

i'm also maybe a little scared that people are going to start unironically suggesting that i get the hat for my migraines lmao bc ppl give me stupid migraine hacks ALL the time like... i'm not going to drink half a liter of purple gatorade in 60 seconds and then do weird breathing exercises for half an hour i'm glad it seems to be helping you but i don't have time to try every stupid migraine hack someone recommends. and some of them have very real risks involved, like SO many people have suggested i get a daith piercing (which is not an easy piercing to care for!) and i might have to kill the next person who tells me i should get one, i don't mind explaining why i haven't gotten one but it's crazy to just confidently tell me i should get one. and okay yeah i do mind a little! when it's like the tenth time i've had to explain it and the people i'm talking to don't really care! if you genuinely are curious about migraine treatment options and want to know why i haven't gotten a daith piercing i could talk about that for ages but it really comes down to "there is basically no evidence this will work" and i'm tired of having to justify myself every time people present me with "treatment ideas" that are stupid and won't work! i'm tired of having to pretend like these are good ideas just to be polite. i understand that sometimes really weird random things help with migraines, but if they worked regularly for large groups of people, they wouldn't be weird migraine hacks, they would be actual medically advised migraine management techniques. human bodies are weird! something working for one guy absolutely does not mean it will work for everyone else. if the wad hat was universally helpful for migraines i think people other than phil would have noticed by now. like i said, i find pressure on my head to generally be pretty painful so i find the concept of something snug on your head helping migraines to be incredibly weird, but i'm glad it somehow helps phil lmao. like, i haven't seen any posts even remotely genuinely suggesting people with migraines should have gotten the wad hat. i'm just preemptively defensive about it because it just seems like the kind of genre of post that could feasibly pop up i guess? hopefully i'm preemptively being defensive about nothing.

idk i don't wanna be a killjoy like it really is a bullshit fanfiction scenario and i think a lot of the jokes are funny i just don't want people to like genuinely believe/spread migraine misinformation bc of the wad hat? which is like a crazy sentence to say i know idk how i got here either. and i'm more interested in this fact from a migraine perspective than a phan perspective. like idk i'd be more impressed from a phan perspective if dan designed the hats that way on purpose or something lmao. the functionality of the hat presumably has nothing to do with the wad design part so like eh? i do think it's kind of cute the way he Always has it with him like idk the same way i hope that my little hat and glasses and massive bag of rattling pill bottles and inability to properly frown and someday, probably my weird lack of forehead wrinkles, are all endearing to my friends and family. like not TOO endearing you know. but a little bit endearing.

[hide-in-imagination]

How do you think the plot of the series would have progressed if Luna and Ambar had stayed in the mansion much longer during the fire, before they come to save them? I mean, they were in the place for quite a long time breathing in the smoke directly, if the firemen got to the place later, it could have turned out much worse. So, back to my question, what do you think would happen next if they had to go to the hospital immediately, because they were already unconscious after inhaling a lot of smoke? I mean it in the sense of Simbar, like how Simon would probably react if he and the boys subsequently came to the mansion and they told them that both Ambar and Luna were in the hospital, etc. I don't know if you didn't already answer a similar question, but after what I this came to mind, I just had to ask my favorite Simbar creator 😅❤️

Anyway, I have to say that I love the new chapter of Roads! Although I cried and I read it for about two hours, because after reading one paragraph I always had to put my phone down and breathe every single sentence I just read, so I love how you described the whole situation, it was really something, incredibly good you described everything and i love it! At the same time, I hate the thought of waiting for the next chapter, but I know that the wait will always be worth it, and especially I can't wait for more updates to your other stories, like Cruel Summer or even a oneshot about Simon. I can't even put into words how much I love your work! And above all, please take care of your health and enjoy the summer! XOXO 💋❤️💞

🥹🥹 I can not explain how much your message meant to me, I genuinely teared up a little 🥹 💕

I'm so happy that you liked the chapter so much 😭 I worked hard on it. It makes me feel so good that the effort payed off. I mean, of course at the end of the day we writers write for ourselves, because we enjoy it, but it really warms our heart when our readers tell us they loved it too 🥹 So thank you so much for that, and thank you for having so much patience with me hahah I know the waits are very long.

I promise to enjoy the summer when I go to Canada, hahah. God, I miss the sun!!

Now, as to your question. I... actually wrote something along those lines already SDLKJFS. SPOILERS, I GUESS. But, um, that's in the universe of one of my works, not in the universe of the actual series, so, I'll answer according to the canon material.

So, I did some research about this, and it is to my understanding that most victims of smoke inhalation would be treated to on site immediately instead of taken to the hospital, either because there was a paramedic with the firefighters or the firefighters called emergency medical services. Now, it sounds way more dramatic if they're taken to the hospital, and I guess they would be if their symptoms were bad enough, so, for drama's sake, let's forget about reality for a second, shall we? 😂

So, I guess the guys would go to the hospital immediately after being informed of what happened. If the girls are conscious and well enough to have visits, they could talk. Since they're rich they might each have their own private room, or they might share because they're legally family, I don't know. Like I said, it depends on how bad their symptoms are. They could just be in observation and have no rooms at all.

I imagine Matteo would make a quip to Luna about how "I know I did this to you once (end up in a hospital bed) but I wasn't expecting you to get even with me." 😂

Simón would be very worried and in Care-taker Mode, and in his case, unlike Matteo, he would probably have to deal more with the emotional damage rather than the psychical one. You know, try to reassure Ámbar that Sharon will be fine (she was taken to the hospital too but is in way worse condition), and support her through her guilt, because she'd probably feel bad for 1- The fact that her godmother burned the mansion, she can't believe she would do that, and 2- What if her godmother dies and the last thing Ámbar did was betray her by telling everyone her plans?

Suffice to say, Ámbar is crying, and that doesn't help her poor lungs that are recovering after being deprived of oxygen, so Simón would try to calm her down, and just, hug her, you know? She needs it. She needs to be held right now.

I imagine the girls would be free to go home after a few hours (their symptoms stabilized so they have no reason to keep them, but they're advised to come back for a check up if any other symptom shows up in the following days), which would bring up the problem of-- Where can they go to? Sure, it's not like the whole mansion burned down, far from it, it was a couple of rooms at most, but that still means damage to the house foundations, and that needs to be checked and secured before they're allowed to go near the area. Not to mention the smoke needs to clear out. Could they use the opposite wing of the mansion? Is it far enough from the damage? Would it be safe enough? Maybe. Tbh I'm not sure. But I do think it'd take at least a day before they're permitted to stay there. And this affects everyone.

I imagine Matteo would be like "You're all coming to my house", but 1- While his dad is rich and the house is big, they can't fit all those people, and 2- Even if they could, Matteo's dad wouldn't permit it, so, I think Simón and Pedro would go to Matteo's house with him (much to Matteo's annoyance because he wanted to help Luna and her family but his dad only allowed the guys to stay) while Mónica, Miguel, and Luna would be received at Nina's house. (Alfredo goes to one of his friend's house. Maybe his girlfriend/not girlfriend?👀 I don't remember that storyline, but you go, Alfredo, take the chance to flirt.)

I imagine Rey and Maggie have their own apartments so they would be fine (Or they would be held in jail, I don't know, I honestly don't care sdfjn)

Where does Ámbar go though? skjdfn. I guess Matteo's dad could be convinced to let her stay as well. After all, he knows Ámbar from when she used to date his son, and he probably approved of the relationship because of her high status, so he might have no issue with her staying. Hell, maybe he would even want Matteo to get back together with her 😂 But it becomes clear very soon that she's dating that other guy Simón now, and plus, Luna is the new heir of the Benson fortune, so he approves of Luna now (status-seeking money-leech).

((Was it ever mentioned what Matteo's dad thought of Lutteo?😂 I don't remember and I don't care. If my estimations are contradicted by canon, sue me, I'm not re-watching Matteo's scenes))

I would love it if this forced Simón and Ámbar to share a room 😂 But I'm sure that wouldn't be the case. The guys would offer to share one so that Ámbar could be comfortable on her own.

(Although, Simón could sneak into her room after everyone goes to sleep...👀 It was a very tough day for her and maybe Ámbar would appreciate not having to sleep alone. Just a thought.)

After that, the mansion is deemed safe enough to be inhabited again (as long as they stay clear of the damage zone, which they'll have to start working on repairs for, obviously) and everything goes back to pretty much normal.

That's all I can imagine, anon. I hope it served your curiosity ❤️🫶

[villanesus]

So since I really liked your self-aware answers (which btw were not at all self absorbed) here is another one, not from a meme but just out of curiosity:

Are you happy right now? If yes, what is it to make you happy or if not (entirely) what would you need to be happy/happier you think?

Haha, wow, that is a question. And you are going to get the weirdest, most elaborate answer, friend.

I guess I can speak to this two ways: subjective measures and qualitative observation.

Subjective Measures

I actually track my well-being very closely. My family has a complex relationship with mental health, so I am very self-aware about how I'm doing. I am also just geeky and I really like the concept of the quantified self, so I keep data on almost all aspects of my life.

Here's my self-reported mood as tracked daily for the past three months:

Now, that may not seem amazing, but it's probably the happiest I've been in my adult life.

For comparison, the same three-month span in 2022:

And here's probably the lowest tracked period I have data for:

Qualitative Observation

What does it actually mean to be happy? I have a lot going on in my brain: treatment resistant depression, generalized anxiety, C-PTSD, autism (affectionate). For me, being happy is waking up with enough energy to engage with the world and if something makes me forget how exhausting that is, it might as well be a party.

I am Eeyore incarnate.

But, I derive a lot of joy from things in my life despite my baseline gloominess. Having my favorite candy bar or snack makes me really happy for about five minutes. Someone telling me I'm funny makes me happy for probably an hour? Rabbit-holing on a special interest (e.g., this blog) also provides a lot of incremental units of happiness.

I also do a lot of proactive things like take medication, go to counseling, workout, eat relatively well, drink water, etc. to help keep the baseline at a reasonable level.

I experience a lot of cognitive dissonance about feeling happy (or my happiest) within the larger climate of chaos and horrible happening in the world. For my part, I have an extremely privileged life—over-educated, well paid within the context of the nightmare that is late-stage capitalism, other privileged characteristics I was born into, and so on.

I'd be happier if I didn't have to work to maintain my lifestyle. It would genuinely make me happiest if people were not jerks, wealth was distributed more equitably, and everybody had time to hang out and pursue their interests.

tl;dr

I am pretty happy even though my happiness may look very different from others' happiness. And I'd be happier if we all had the option of free time and candy bars whenever we wanted them.

[sexwithsophie]

Aww. Thank you for tagging me; I am incredibly honored! You couldn't bother me if you tried, my sweet. Once again, I feel that we've visited the same place, but arrived there from two different paths. It took a long while and a lot of work, but I am grateful to have found an escape from that prison of unworthiness, and a few things that helped me were:

Identifying and adjusting my philosophy of life

Following in the footsteps of the undeserving

Changing the conversations I have with myself

1️⃣ You and I have discussed this at length, but a quick takeaway that I hope is helpful to anyone suffering from a diminishment of self is to understand that every single thing that is causing you to feel that way is imaginary. This is going to be long as hell…

As in, it literally doesn't exist outside your own mind. I know that can be hard to believe when society, bullies, or maybe even a parent has tried to make you believe you are 'less than,' but you must begin to recognize how that simply does not align with reality.

I wrote a post about why you objectively deserve happiness, but if we just take that as a fact for now, those voices telling you to minimize yourself will start to sound wrong. Like they're trying very hard to convince you that 2 + 2 = ketchup. The more you start to hear the wrongness of those voices, the easier it will be to dissociate them from your own voice.

Wrong voice: I don't deserve to have fun today. Right voice: Of course I do, that's crazy talk. Wrong voice: I'm inconveniencing someone by asking them to help me with something. Right voice: If someone were to ask me for help, I'd gladly do it, so I know they feel similarly. Wrong voice: I shouldn't ask to be pleasured before I seek my partner's pleasure. Right voice: If that's genuinely what they think, then it is them that doesn't deserve me! 2️⃣ When I was growing up, I used to see people with great jobs or in positions of power or exhibiting extraordinary talent, and I just knew that if it was possible for them, I could reach those same spaces under the right conditions. I could get a degree and go to medical school to become a doctor. I could study what actions a politician made and emulate them to become a senator. I could dedicate every available hour to playing a sport to become an athlete.

Basically, if it was possible for a human to do, any other human could do it, too, with the right amount of education, observation, practice, and a splash of luck. Obviously, as a little Black girl in America, I learned real quick that my starting point was a little further back than most. Still, I subscribe to the fact that if a thing has been achieved, it is attainable.

So. If a feeling of self-worthiness has been achieved by someone before, regardless of how deserving those someones are of it, I could actually see it as being attainable for myself. Look at Elon Musk, J. K. Rowling, Trump, Kanye West, Harrison Butker… just goes to show that the WORST, most undeserving people among us can clearly hold the highest self-worth when they objectively do not deserve it.

It will take educating yourself (literally by getting an apprenticeship or credential to validate your value, or actively by reading up on the psychology of self-esteem), observing others (finding a mentor or people exhibiting qualities you admire and following their lead), and above all, practice (going to therapy, showing vulnerability when possible, and living in the now and not the worry). You can do it!

3️⃣ The most powerful thing you can do, and the crux of 1 and 2, is self-talk. I tell my 5-year-old, your little sister, "You have to take care of my Cloud." I say that so she starts to see herself as I do, a beautiful and priceless little sweetie who must be protected at all costs. Tell me your name, and I'll tell you the same. YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF MY [SAY YOUR NAME]!

Not only would I, and everyone who loves you, be devastated if you let anything happen to you, but we'd be so hurt if you didn't reach out for help with anything that may be causing you harm. Do you understand what I'm saying? Putting a hat on when you go outside is a great first step, but if you got sunburnt because you didn't ask me for some SPF, I will be pissed!

In other words, practice good self-talk. When you feel in the way or like you are withering, argue! Fight back! Tell your brain how dumb it's being right now and do your level best to surround yourself with people who give you the same positive messages from the outside in that you're working on telling yourself from the inside out.

Trust me, I get that this sounds a little like telling a depressed person to just cheer up. Listen, my number one recommendation will always be to seek help from a professional, but I know that isn't always possible. I'm hoping these tips can help until you're able to speak with someone. My own story around self-talk is that I, like you Caxy, used to feel so ashamed every time I masturbated. Like I was a horrible person, I wasn't 'allowed' to feel pleasure, my dead relatives were watching me, something bad is now bound to happen because I felt good for a second… it was awful. I literally had to talk myself out of that shit.

Here I am talking about it in Reason #11:

To get through this, I would orgasm and immediately start telling myself that I am fine and good, that I am alone and not hurting anybody, and that my amazing body is capable of some really fantastic things. It took quite a bit of time, but I very rarely feel that shame anymore.

This is also why I made a program called Guided Masturbations™ on my website, sexwithsophie.com! They're meant to emulate a guided meditation, but with the intention of walking you up to a particular mood. I'm so proud that the first mood we've released is called, "Guiltless!" Because this feature is for paying members, please accept a FREE lifetime membership to my website. Just visit $ex With Sophie and register for the Pecker Plan using coupon code TUMBLRBEBES to access GMs, exclusive podcast content, and all future courses and programs that will be coming soon.

Not only do I feel that these tools could be extremely helpful, but you deserve something for reading down this far lol. I truly hope that this has been an adequate response. Love you, kiddos.

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

[spokenbirds]

I don't know if things are getting better. Things I typed on here years ago are still a problem. I try and try and focus on the important things. I stuff down inhibitions in order to make progress and I struggle uphill and self-motivate and make plans and get through. I worked this whole holiday and pulled off a move and didn't complain, I compromised sometimes but asked for myself when I needed. I'm not really self-advocating like I should be and always intended to but I am starting to feel like setting boundaries and asking for myself might start to become something I can do without struggle. There are certainly upsides to not living with your parents, but also it looks like some things aren't just fixed by one initial measure of self-actualization.

I need to be diagnosed and medicated and treated and I'm still so many steps away from these things. I know I'm only endangering myself by not seeking help like this and I don't know when I'm going to be taking those steps, but I feel like it has to be soon if not now. Life isn't going to get any easier this year. I just hope I have the willpower to make it through. I tried to see the horrible outlook of 2025 as an attempted wake-up call for my own behavior and this move felt like a good first step, but I'm feeling so slow already, it's only the fucking 5th. I just wanted to feel like things would get easier for me now. In a way they have, some things genuinely without the feeling of a decaying home and mother living over me I do feel much more free. I've resigned myself to a quiet acquiescence to a lot of struggles I've had in my life, but I also know what I need is to take back control. I need to take control of my life, I need a new job, I need to control my consumption, I need to set boundaries and have standards, I need to be better to myself but I also need to better myself. This is how I become a person who can have better and deeper connections with others.

What's funniest about this and why it's still so difficult is that I don't care to do it because I think deserve it or have somehow found a softness for myself, it's two reasons, really: 1. I want to not end up like my parents, in particular my mom, and 2. I know that's what others want for me and I don't want to disappoint them.

I think my struggle there, beyond the lack of self-care, is that I worry to finally do the thing that they say they want for me, to self-actualize and take better care and be happy, it'll just disappoint all of them in other ways. I'm not supposed to care about that, but I do. Relationships would change and maybe in some ways they wouldn't see as for the better, and I don't want that entirely, but I want things to change. God, I want things to change.

[faenights]

am going to rant about the uk mh services because i am angry about it always and forever and am having one of those adhd moments where i feel like i'll explode if i don't put it somewhere! It is under the cut dw <3 TL:DR I cannot begin to express how angry I am that the government tries to claim they care about trans people when the mh services are,, like this.

re: my last reblogged post... i am so genuinly concerned about the state of politics and the fact that the only thing that seems to remotely imply that the government cares about mh services is actually just people using it as an excuse to be transphobic.

There's little point in trying to break down whatever it is that they're saying atm but one of the main points (which we've seen in america a lot as well!!) is the what about the children?? question which makes me more angry than i care to articulate. Because, quite CLEARLY, none of this: making two gendered toilets manditory, making it difficult if not impossible for trans people to access healthcare, that goddamn report they did?? has anything to do with the children.

now i hope i don't come across as a terf for saything this but,, i do think there is a legitmate concern about the implications of prescribing hormone ultering drugs to children when they're still developing. We know that hormones do a lot to fuck with mh and its not something that should be given to anyone lightly. HOWEVER, if that was the genuine concern with any of this, they are coming at it in entirely the wrong way.

this is partially one of the reasons puberty blockers are prescribed for younger trans people. as far as we are aware, it doesn't have anywhere near the mh implications that changing their puberty entirely can and it has the added benefit for not forcing someone to go through a puberty that they have quite clearly expressed will be very distressing. puberty is a shitty thing to go through anyway, mh is especally volatile when hormones are involved. this is shown by,, literally every teenager ever. but you know whats also a great fucking example of this?? birth control!! which is something that many doctors are very happy to prescribe without putting in anywhere near as much thought/education or awareness of the impacts. If they truly gave a shit about the children and ~hormones~, birth control would not be prescribed so easily. but it is, because its not actually about child wellbeing. the same goes for the presciption of mh medications e.g. antidepressants. Below is mostly just me ranting about my shitty doctors. It's not entirely relevent but exlains why im so goddamn angry and convinced that this mh bs people argue is bs.

I, for example, have been taking antidepressants since I was 14. I do not remeber clearly what it was like to not be on them other than the fact that I was Very mentally unwell. I will be the first to say that they have so useful and, I do believe it may have genuinly saved my life at the time. But, I am now 22. I have reached the point where I am at the highest dose of my current antidepressants and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do when they stop working. I didn't care when I was 14 but, I am now old enough to consider the implications of taking antidepressants for so long, especally given that I was so young. No one has ever sat me down and talked to me about the implications of this medication for anything really, let alone the implications it may or may not have had given that my brain was still developing for the majority of the time i've been taking it. infact, the few times i have tried to talk to someone about it the process has been so infuritating i've ended up more distressed than I was to begin with and have just,, given up for the time being. I am not a doctor, and getting in contact with a doctor about it has always been very difficult, but I know antidepressants are not supposed to be a long term solution. they are a band aid that's used with other treatments. when you prescribe antidepressants and do nothing else,, they don't work. and yet,, here I am, a person that has been on this since I was barely a teenager, in a position where I cannot talk to someone about it despite trying to. because, and this is my main point in all this,, THE MH SYSTEM HERE IS FUCKING TERRIBLE.

I am in the wonderful position of living in one of the areas with the worst mh services in the UK so I hope that my expereince is just an especally bad one, but I know that it is likely very common. In fact, I'm lucky that I got prescribed antidepressants at all since most people don't even get that. the only reason I got them in the first place is because I'm lucky enough that my parents could afford for me to see someone privately. I have never managed to get an nhs doctor or wellbeing service to even remotely listen to me in the past 8 years I've been through that system. Unfortunately, in my expereince at least, trying to contact the nhs about my mh issues has lead to,, "come back when you're worse". Even when when I've quite openly said to them that if I get any worse I'm sure if I'll still be alive to come back to them. This has made no difference whatsoever. If i had had to rely on the NHS mental health systems, or the non existant "support" i had from schools (which also knew of my mh issues at the time but did nothing) I truly don't think I would still be alive to write angry tumblr posts about it.

What I mean to say is,, this has been my expereince with pretty "standard" mh issues (anxiety ect). We know that trans peole are a lot more likely to die when not given treatment or any form of support than most other groups of peole. How you can know that and still try and argue that taking away the one thing that might help people and hide behind the excuse that it's because you "care about their wellbeing" is beyond me. and, say Mrs TERF is right, and some kids that say they're trans are actually dealing with other issues that they later realise, the level of harm that is done to them by ignoring them or worse, telling them they don't know about their own feelings or expereinces, is so much worse than the possibility of someone detransitioning. People, especally young people, need to time and space to figure out who they are. denying them that does nothing but hurt them more and lead so many other complications later in life.

If the governement really truly did care about the mh of young people, these implimentaions would be different. They would centre trans people and focus on what trans people say they need. Not random cis women that have decided to speak over them. if they cared about the mh of young people, they'd review whatever the fuck is going on with the mh services in this country and not make trying to ask for help feel like you're fighting a battle with a thousand monsters just to get to the bottom of a mountain. they would change mh services so they actually fucking helped instead of told people to go away or prescribe medications to make someone shut up for a few months. They would give a shit that children keep fucking dying because they are asking for help and no one is helping them.

When the government or the nhs or whatever talks about mh they try and say that there is help out there and you can get better you've just gotta open up! They are 1) ignoring that opening up and speaking to peole about this is an incredibly difficult thing to do in the first place and 2) ignoring that they are seeming to do everything in their power to not help people.

if you read that, I'm very greatful, thank you. and I apologise for all the spelling mistakes.

[beaubambabey]

I literally feel like I can't breathe and I don't know what to do anymore. All I know is I feel like I want to die. Like, seriously genuinely die not the everyday suicidal jokey "lol my life sux" shit I do

My life is over its fucking over and I'm never gonna be able to get out of this situation unless I die

My dad lost his job at the start of the year. I agreed to try and find a higher paying job to help out. That didn't pan out. I tried to do two jobs. Hated every second I was at the other jobs. Quit them. Couldn't get the hours I had prior to searching for a new job back. Didn't know what to say to my boss because all that was in my head was my dad telling me how I needed to get a better job. At least I had a fucking job.

Both my parents have been disparaging the part time jobs I've worked while living with them. They complain about everything, from it being "too far away" (it's less than 10 miles away) to how much I get paid (minimum wage but it's increased. And is much higher than the national average even though the cost of living here is astronomical) to what I bring home (food I want to eat and store in the house/smells/attitude). I wouldn't be working these part time jobs if they'd helped me make college work better for me. Or, if my mom's story (casually dropped years ago, no way to get the truth out of her because I don't know if she's ever told the truth about anything) about how she could've put me on medication as a child, I would've actually gotten a college degree by now.

They say they're proud of me but it always feels superficial. My brother has a master's degree and a good job. I never moved out and have credit card debt.

They complain that I never show them my art, but then when I try to open myself up they either brush me off or completely change the subject.

I don't have a place in this house. I am seen but not heard. I'm a child and will always be a child but at least I'm making them money, huh.

When I was a child I wanted to dance. Not Indian dance, like my mom did. Jazz dance. Tap dance. I loved dancing, and it made me happy. My mom hated that she was paying money for something that wasn't helping me lose weight. Hated that she was paying for something that wouldnt make me into a tiny version of her. I quit dance to focus on acting, because at least I wouldn't need to be skinny and act, right? But then I quit acting to focus on school. I barely graduated high school, and most of it was because my dad screamed me through writing essays for school. "We loved you so much and wanted you to do everything" You didn't love me. You don't love me, you love the idea of me and abhor the creature you created and can't face this reality. To this day, I can't bring myself to write anything academic without self-harming.

If I wasnt going to act or dance, I thought fine art could be something. I drew, I honed my craft, I learned, I studied. It used to be something I was passionate about. I fucked up along the way. I can't let myself pretend that I finish things. I delude myself into thinking I can do so much that when reality hits and I'm suddenly locked in mental loops that leave me stuck I've already fucked up and let people down. I lost the passion for art during lockdown. Less because of circumstances, more because I fucked up and fucked over other people. The obligations to those people and righting those wrongs held me back from drawing, because I couldn't allow myself to move forward without finishing out those obligations. And yet, it took me so long to find the wherewithal to get it done that years had gone by. Being diagnosed with ADHD was too little too late. I should've either been given Ritalin as a child or euthanized.

I tried streaming again in the hopes it would motivate me to draw more. Hoping I could design some new stuff to put on my store. It did help, while it lasted. My internet was shit the entire time I tried, so I gave up since the only time I had the energy to stream was the same time my parents were watching shit on streaming services. I only learned a few days ago that we don't even have unlimited streaming bandwidth and everything I've been doing has just cost my family more money.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken a vacation. Maybe I should've just worked through the month. Maybe I never should have even thought about having fun. Maybe I should never have fun or give myself a break. Maybe that would work for them. Maybe they want to wring me out of every cent I make. If I can't afford to eat food that I actually want to eat then I'll eat less and get skinny. If I can't afford to do anything then I'll never leave. If I can't afford to leave then I'll keep making money for them.

I want to jump out of this fucking window that they never bothered putting a screen on. Maybe if they found my body in the dirt on the side of the house rotting in the freezing cold with the neighbor's lemons it would knock some sense into them. Nothing I've ever done or said ever has. To them, I'm just some little retard child they brought into the world and kept as proof that they're capable.

There is no joy or passion in my heart anymore. Everything is a desperate delusion to escape this hell I live in. I'm a burden to myself and others. I will never be free.

[game-stationed]

That's it everybody's getting little Nate fun facts now

Awesome Nate art by @/sweet-teath bullet points below cut

I can't remember if I've linked his bio here or not so I'll do that first for basic backstory info (click the folded-over triangle on the top left for more info)

For someone that's worked in the medical field his whole adult life, being no stranger to blood and guts (in real life, they don't really phase him, even), he's horribly squeamish about horror films - yeah, even super campy ones.

He HATES phone calls. Getting them, answering them, being on them, anything. If it wasn't required, he wouldn't even have a phone in his office. He'd prefer a written or printed memo above anything else.

He took his wife's surname when they got married! He was more than happy to ditch his old one.

His favorite foods are pretty much any sort of safe, consistent comfort foods that are easy to make. Yeah he's autistic yeah it's undiagnosed

He's slightly farsighted. It doesn't bug him too much now, but he would need glasses eventually.

His PhD (He's an actual doctor! The title isn't just for show.) is specifically in biomedical engineering. It was a job path that made him feel fulfilled and useful in being able to, hopefully, help others.

He's rather picky about being referred to as "Dr. Schaeffer" by colleagues, disliking being referred to by just his first name or without the title. The only real exception to this, as far as fellow Playtime Co. workers would go, would be that he allows Leith to call him just "Nate."

One job path he considered prior to aiming for his doctorate was that of a writer, potentially a poet. He always had an affinity for poetry and prose. However, he decided against this path for various reasons: he considered himself too unskilled in the craft to turn it into a career, he figured it would be too difficult to make a good stable income off, and thought it would not feel as productive or fulfilling as it didn't directly help others.

Nate has a ton of symbolic objects tied to him within his story, but some of the biggest ones that represent specifically him are the sun, fire, the color red, and ship captains/boats. Probably some more, too, but those are the really big ones.

He's maintained the same shitty haircut for years after (accidentally) having a particularly bad haircut for his wedding - more or less ruining all the wedding photos, though there weren't really all that many pictures, anyways. While he was growing that haircut out, his wife mentioned liking how shaggy it was getting, and he kept it in a similar style from then on.

He never really had much interest in Playtime Co. products, even before learning of the experiments they were doing. He wasn't opposed to them by any means, he just didn't have an interest in toys made for kids. If asked what his favorite toy from them was, he'd eventually land on Cat-Bee.

He suffers from both insomnia and hypersomnia. He's very, very tired. Always. Not much seems to alleviate this.

He has fallen asleep at work before on rare occasions, overworking himself and feeling like there just isn't much reason to go home anymore. It just felt like time wasted to sit idly at home by himself, really. After losing his wife, he lost most of his hobbies and interests as well, anyways.

His gender identity and sexuality are not any further labelled than "man" and declarations of how dearly he loves his wife but, on other occasions, weird offhanded mentions of both female and male lovers in his distant past that he fails to elaborate on. He's the type of guy to mention something really out of pocket about it and move on like he never said anything. He genuinely doesn't think anything of it.

If he was an animal he'd be a basset hound. To me

[i-appear-misssing]

Got woken up by my mom screaming for help, dog was scared too. I climbed the stairs two by two and the door was open upstairs so her screaming was loud and clear and it was the most horrible sound I've ever heard, probably worse than when I would hear her cry alone in the bathroom when I was a kid. I knew already that it was about her boyfriend with low blood sugar, but I'd never seen a hypoglycemic crisis that severe. He was still seizing a little and his lips and tongue were turning blue. I tried to stay calm like I used to when I would call the emergency number at work but my mom's screams just kept on coming and I could hear the panic in my voice as I talked to the operator. Later I felt so ashamed about that, I'm supposed to know how to stay calm in an emergency, I had so much practice. It was the first time I've ever called an ambulance for someone I know, I love. As soon as I got done with the call my mom sprinted out of the room to put the dog outside and make way for the incoming ambulance and I was alone with him. He'd gone stiff but he wasn't seizing anymore, he'd look at me when I talked to him but could hardly stay awake and the snoring breathing drilled into my head and he was so pale and sweaty and I kept looking at the little pool of tears that had gathered between his eye and the bridge of his nose. I kept wondering if he was scared, how terrifying it must be to feel yourself lose control and know what's happening knowing also that you cannot stop it. When he was still in the deep of it he grabbed my arm for a moment and squeezed and widened his eyes and I. I couldn't do anything except keep him on his side and talk and tell him to breathe I couldn't do anything except wait. Thank fuck my mom had managed to make him drink a smidge of sugar water before he collapsed, and it was kinda funny seeing him slowly get a little better just as the ambulance pulled into the driveway. I checked his blood sugar before the doctor got in and it was 65. Not even that low. Fear subsided fast and I immediately started feeling ashamed for how panicky I was on the phone, for being an actual medical doctor who couldn't do jack medical shit in a time of need and I was now in my pajamas with leftover makeup from last night and a girl I dated last year was in my mom's kitchen cause she's an EMT and I always tend to minimize what happened once the immediate danger is gone. He was fine in the end but he did smash his back into the radiator and was still confused as fuck after an hour. And I just keep thinking about my mom screaming bloody murder and his eyes rolling back and the hyperextension of his feet when I first got upstairs. My mom has had to deal with illness, hospitals, care facilities, death and grief for......nearly 15 years now. Before that was the gorey divorce, the abortion, mangling depression. I'm happy she found someone she loves, and I know she's an adult and should know how to take care of herself and so is he and so should he, but imagining her spending the rest of her life with the looming spectre of a chronic illness like diabetes, and having to deal with something like this alone in the future, maybe when they're both older and more fragile too.......god it shakes me to my core.

She asked me what would have happened if he was home alone. And I don't know, genuinely, cause I don't wanna be catastrophic abut something I'm not sure about, but I immediately thought he would have eventually gone into a hypoglycemic coma and.

I'm going away in a month, and he's gonna move in. Which is good I guess. But fuck if I didn't wish, sometimes, that she had found someone she doesn't have to worry about. And I know, that's shitty and ableist, I know, it's patronizing because this is a 50 yo man and he knows how to take care of himself but sometimes he really really doesn't, cause he's terrified of hyperglycemia and its long term effects so he sometimes is a little careless with his blood sugar, on the low side. I just want my mom to find some peace, but maybe I do take after her and I'm overreacting a little.

She's the least calm under pressure person I've ever known. And that also reminds me of someone else and maybe I understand stuff about myself and my choices a little better now. It's why I never talk to her about my worries, my problems. I wonder if she's the reason I'm always scared about almost every single thing, if this anxiety I'd hereditary or learned or......idk. the only thing I know is that I don't want that ancestral fear we share as a family consume me like that. It's on my dad's side too, it's in my sister as well, it contaminated every one of us, and it latches onto health stuff.

So this was fun

[loveinglymii2]

Yall just don't understand syd and carmy like I understand syd and carmy. Like they like each other they really do you're gonna sit here and tell me that you honestly felt more chemistry with carmy and Claire than carmy and syd, really? I just don't believe yall and on top of that where is all this talk about them being platonic coming from when in season 1 everyone was pretty much shipping them together. All it took was one gf and yall have shoved their potential relationship to the back burner weird if you ask me. Nothing and I mean nothing about their interactions screams platonic mans was in the middle of a damn panic/anxiety attack thinking about Claire trying to calm down and the second he started thinking about syd he felt relief you're telling me he likes Claire so much that the only way to calm himself during his panic/anxiety attack was to think about another woman? If you were dating him and you found out the ways he calms himself down from a panic/anxiety attack was him thinking about another woman you'd think he loved you more?? Lmao no I'd be like wtf I mean you can't control these things I get it but I'd still feel like does he actually love me if the thing that calms him down isn't me but someone else? And every time he talked about Claire whether it was him announcing he was going to talk to his "gf" or something else somehow some way syd would magically appear in the same/next frame as claire im sorry but that man likes her. And syd yea she likes him too when she was talking to carmy about what they were doing after work she literally looked interested genuinely but the moment Marcus asked if she wanted to hang she literally almost ran away screaming like there was a visible awkward shift in their interactions where there was no awkward (there was but not in a bad way) shift in her interactions with carmy they just kind of shook it off and walked away from each other. You want to know why its because she was interested in what carmy might've suggested if he had asked her to hang out she would've said yes but because he backed out she backed out too and just was like yeah whatever. Yall dont now how to read these characters I'm sorry but some of you really don't I'm already seeing yall saying stuff like I like them platonically and only after one gf like really and not only that but yall are also acting like yall love Claire so much when she was ok I'm not going to act like she didn't make carmy somewhat happy but she also made him anxious and she's also attached to bad memories which is why when carmy was having that panic/anxiety attack you'd see flashes of his family throughout but when he starts thinking of syd he calms down she brings him stress sometimes sure but she's also not connected to his family at all she's a clean slate a fresh start.

Anyways, whenever they decide to make another season of the bear, which I hope they make it soon, but because of the writers' strike idk, I hope yall 1. Stop all that platonic bs because why? And 2. I hope yall let Claire go bc that girl isn't carmy's endgame she's not. Also I hope carmy seeks out what's going on with him mental health wise so he can get the help he needs and maybe even the medication he needs because as long as he's going around undiagnosed and unmedicated I feel like he's going to keep having these same problems popping up.

[goatchulu]

jealous! lucifer x gender neutral! reader

Genre: fluff, ig? slight smut in the end.

Fandom: obey me!

Prompt: you find yourself in a fake relationship, and now you're introducing your "boyfriend" to the demom brothers. they don't take it so well, especially lucifer.

Warnings: mentions of drinking, mentions of harassment and stalking, they make out in the end, reader's gender is unmentioned for your imagination (and inclusion).

lucifer takes another swig of his whisky, a slight burning sensation lingering on his throat. no matter the amount of alcohol he consumed that night, he couldn't escape the bitter feeling that was left inside his chest.

the two of you have been hitting it off pretty well for the past few weeks, if he could say so himself. the harmless complimenting and the subtle glancing had turned into ardent flirting and shows of affection overtime. you two were finally going somewhere with your mutual pinning, or so he thought.

lucifer didn't think his small (not so small) crush on you would lead anywhere, really. nor did he think you would reciprocate his infatuation. but with all the friendly interactions you had of late, anyone would assume you two were together in a romantic light.

now look, lucifer prides himself as a person. he was assertive, efficient, productive, level-headed and the voice of reason when stress is most prominent. but as a lover? lucifer wasn't so sure. he assumed you'd like someone more jolly and eccentric like mammon or someone more confident and charismatic like asmodeus. he didn't expect for you to even spare him a second glance when it came to the dating game. lucifer was a busy man after all, and he wasn't the most expressive when it came to emotions; not very ideal for a lover.

but what lucifer also did not expect was for you to bring home a common demon boy and introduce him as your significant other.

let's just say that all the built up tension and courting were all ruined by a single dinner party.

you had gathered all the demon brothers earlier that morning, claiming you had an important announcement to make. you went as far as inviting diavolo and his loyal butler, barbatos, to spend the evening over for dinner. they thanked you for the invitation, but they unfortunately, could not attend because of their hectic schedules.

lucifer, on the other hand, was more than happy to accept your invitation (though he was quick to cover up the smile he held when you came up to him). seeing as he already lives under the same roof as you, anways. his happiness would soon be diminished and grinded into dirty, pathetic, dust, though.

lucifer's eyes narrow as mammon's loud laughter bounces off the walls of the dining room. lucienne, your "boyfriend", had managed to crack the demon up with one of his silly stories about a strange elderly wizard that sold expensive medication made out of fairy wings that turned out to just be bedazzled dragon fly wings. he worked wonders with the avatar of greed, considering the fact that just a moment ago, mammon was cursing in jealousy and resentment as you sat with your newly introduced boyfriend.

luficer would've told mammon to shut up, but he feared saying something far more vulgar out of anger. the previous tension was already eased into a more domesticated athmosphere (credits to lucienne's charm and humor), lucifer didn't want to ruin dinner for his brothers, and especially not for you.

i mean, lucifer felt betrayed, he felt used and-- and played. how could you lead him on like this? but deep inside, he knew there was something else. he felt disappointed, he felt defeated, he felt crushed, he wished he'd done something sooner before this lucienne stole you away from him.

but anyways, back to the dinner party.

"you seem unusually quiet, lucy." asmo teases from across lucifer's seat. the phrase seems to capture everyone's attention, all eyes now on the grimacing and glaring lucifer.

"asmo's right, you haven't uttered a word since lucienne arrived, lucifer. is something wrong?" you chime in, causing lucifer to perk up. the thought of you worrying about his state sent sparks into his heart, but they were quick to disappear when lucienne asks him the same question.

"i'm fine." he replies to your concern, unable to hide the venom that strung on to his words. this only causes asmodeus to snicker, and leviathan to sink deeper into his seat. everyone else watches in concern as lucifer downs another glass of demom whiskey. you're about to ask him again, unsure about his reply, but he stops you before you could even form a word.

"i said i'm fine."

the air is tense, until eventually, mammon gasps out of nowhere. "don't tell me! lucifer is jealous!!~" he repeats in a sing song manner, only irking lucifer even further. no one else speaks up, the whole situation akward enough.

after a while, though, lucienne speaks up. he gestures at mammon, especially. hoping to stop the demon from escalating the situation. "hey mammon, wanna hear about that one time i accidentally professed my love for my eight grade math teacher?" mammon only settles back into his seat, ready for another laughing fit. the avatar of pride snaps at this, slamming his fists down the table before abruptly excusing himself with a "i have something to do."

he spares you one last glance. his heart aching with guilt from the way you had lowered your head in shame. lucifer didn't want to make you feel like he owned you, or that you weren't allowed to be with someone else... he just, he has enough reason to justify his anger right now and he really wants to dwell in it. he turns his head away from you, biting his lip to contain the guilt and pain that was threatening to seep out. he doesn't turn to look back as he walks away from the dining room in long and rushed strides.

lucifer walks down the dark hallways of lamentation, familiar with every nook and cranny the mansion had. he sighs in relief as his palm reaches out for a familiar door. it creaks as lucifer walks into his room, sounding just as glum as lucifer is.

he heads straight to his paperwork, silently hoping that they would provide him some sort of comfort. he tries to focus on anything but the thought of you or your unavailability, his mind barely processing any of the words that were printed out in front of him. he groans, his hands pulling on his jet black hair in frustration.

i mean, he should've expected this. lucienne was everything lucifer thought you would love. funny outgoing, caring, expressive, charismatic, a smooth talker and he looked at you with utmost respect and admiration. i mean, who in their right mind would choose old-schooled lucifer over the flawless lucienne?

you deserve lucienne and although lucifer thinks that no one in the three realms could ever deserve to call you theirs, he still thinks that lucienne is more deserving of you than lucifer could ever be. what were you doing to the poor demon? he was never one to admit defeat like this, and he especially wasn't the type of person that'd lower themself like this.

his rollercoaster of thoughts are interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. his ears already familiar with this particular knocking pattern. he can't help but straighten himself up, suddenly aware of the way his hair is all sprawled out. he slicks it down with saliva, muttering a small "enter" soon after he finshes checking on his appearance.

his mood lightens just a little bit at the sight of your face. as much as lucifer wants to hate you right now, he couldn't possibly feel that way towards you. never, not in a quadrillion light years.

you sit down in front of him, a genuine look of concern on your face. this makes lucifer visibly frown, catching you a bit off guard. "i wanted to talk to you about something, lucifer." his eyes grow curious and a bit hopeful, wishing it were about something that would distract him from the current situation or give him even the tiniest bit of closure.

"it's about lucienne." and once again, you manage to crush all his hope with only a few words. lucifer swears that if he hears that name one more time, he would personally shove your lovely boyfriend down the deepest depths of the underworld.

you watch his brows furrow and his fist tighten on his quill. lucifer looks far from happy to hear you talk about your significant other right now. "look, i know you'd rather not hear about lucienne again, but it's really really important and i want you to just hear me out. just this once, please?"

lucifer couldn't stand the pleading look you were giving him. your puppy eyes were a weapon that you used on him often, and they always managed to work. a tired sigh leaves his lips, if it meant getting it over with then he'd listen. "fine," he snaps, not before rubbing at his temple in obvious distress. he's said fine, but his body language told you otherwise.

"someone's kind of harassing lucienne at the moment. stalking him, giving him unwanted gifts and constantly professing their love for him when he's told them multiple times that it made him uncomfortable. they're an admirer of some sorts. i'm posing as lucienne's lover in hopes that they'd back off for a while, but i wanted to see if you and diavolo could do some actual help. it's worrisome, really. and it's been stressing lucienne out for the past couple of weeks. pretending to be his significant other is the most i can do for him, i hope you understand."

lucifer only freezes in shock, guilt washing over him all so suddenly. you call out for him, effectively snapping him out of his short daze. of course you'd offer to help lucienne out, you've always been a kind person. in lucifer's eyes, atleast. he coughs into his hand, avoiding eye contact with you as he degrades himself for his previous selfishness.

"of course, i'll do my best to make sure this harasser is punished. the school and i will ensure that lucienne won't be seeing this stalker anytime soon. just keep supporting him like this, i suppose. tell him he can sleep here for the night. thank you for informing me about this." you smile at lucifer's response, relief overwhelming your senses. if this meant that lucienne was finally going to be safe and unbothered, you were overjoyed.

you jump at lucifer, thanking him, all the while, squeezing the life out of him. his heart races impossibly fast at the gesture, and you can't help but smirk at the red that tainted his cheeks. "just so you know, i still like you. and only you, lucy."

his breath comes to a halt. he was no longer able to contain the butterflies that crowded his stomach; shock and well, pure bliss apparent on his face. "does this mean i can kiss you?"

"do anything as you please."

lucifer lunges at you. capturing your lips into a hungry and impatient kiss. his hands roam all over your torso, looking for anything he could hold onto. he settles for your waist and you drape your hands over his shoulders. heaven knows how long he's been waiting for this moment.

he manages to stumble through his room, leading you two to his bed. you part as he pushes you down to sit at the end of his king sized bed. he grins at the sight of you, disheveled and thirsty for more. the avatar of pride couldn't help but be excited for the faces you'll make in the unholy endeavors he's planning for you. he'll devour you, tear apart every innocent limb you have in your body. his imagination runs wild as he thinks of the many ways he'd mark you as his, exhibit you to the world and spread you wide open for his contenders to see. for them to know just how pathetic and needy lucifer could make you in an instant.

he bends down to kiss you again, pushing against your tounge with his own. he squeezes your thighs, digging his nails deep into the skin under the cloth still covering you. groans and grunts leave your lips as he countinues to caress your plush thighs.

as you two part, panting, a newfound possessiveness overtakes lucifer's eyes.

"you're mine."

[slashingdisneypasta]

Sylvester the Cat x Toon!Reader || Drabble

Plot: I'm just experimenting with the Looney Tune idea so possibly enjoy some cute Sylvester Jr wanting you to be his new other parent.

Warnings: Toon violence?

You're just tying up the ends of Wile E's bandages into a tight little knot, prompting a wince from the coyote and a little board sign saying 'Ouch!'. Immediately you wince, stepping back. "Ohh... sorry, Wile E... I'm not exactly certified... " Daffy made you do this job, seeing as you're worse at sports then any of them- and that's saying something.

His head falls forward slightly and his ears wilt as you step back.

"Okay! Who's nex- " Turning around - picking up some more bandages and band aids in one fist, and an industrial sized tube of Acme branded antiseptic cream tucked under your other arm, - you look about for your next patient.

- And droop as soon as you see what kind if work load is waiting for you. It looks like every toon you know is lined up for medical attention!

The bandages and band aids slip out of your hands and scatter across the floor. "Oh boy." Quickly taking a deep breath to refresh yourself, you perk right up in order to get to it. Okay! "Sly! You're first, what's wro- Uh, hah. Nevermind."

Looking at him... maybe you don't have to ask...

Tweety flies through the giant gaping hole in Sylvester's tummy and the cat gives great sigh, slumping forward. "Why are the only times he's in there are when he can get out!!"

"I know, I know, woe is you. Sit down." You have no time for sympathies right now, you can allocate Sly only 2 minutes- and that's because you like him. The other patients coming get only one. "Okay, Sly!... um... " Oh brother you're stuck. Why do you do with an ailment like this?? Sylvester patiently sits, waiting for you to finish as you set your paws on your hips with a huff... wondering where exactly to go from here. Hm. "Do you maybe... know where your insides... are? Like, presently?"

"Uhh, they were... disintegrated... "

You two share a concerned look. "Maybe... spackle?- "

Just as Sylvester is gulping down his fear at your crazy suggestion, a certain black and white kitten comes speeding out of the crowd at the two of you. "FATHER!" Sylvester Junior stops at his fathers side, eyes wide with worry. "Father! Is he okay, Y/N??"

As you start rifling through your medical kit for something actually useful, you waive a dismissive paw at the kitten. "Oh, don't worry SJ. Your dad has recovered from worse- you know that."

Oh- that gives you an idea! It may not be strictly medical... or orthodox in the least, but its worth a try! Come on- you guys are toons. Straightening up, you look to the court; Searching for the little yellow speck you know is flying around somewhere.

Sylvester Jr nods slowly, pouting. His eyes are big, and round, and adorably full of worry. "Do you think I can sit on his lap safely, Y/N?"

Oh he's just the cutest. You turn back to your patient and raise your brows at him. "Can he?"

Sly perks up at the chance to get some much needed affection - rather then shameful berating, - from his rugrat. "Of course he can- come on, son- oww... " Unfortunately Sylvester Junior throws caution to the wind, and launches his little body at his father- almost going all the way through and causing you to seriously wince, but luckily Sylvester has a good grip on him and sets him in his lap rather then inside the cavern that was his belly. "Aghhh... thanks, son... I feel a lot better now... oof!- "

Sylvester Junior has thrown his arms around his father, and your heart leaps at the adorable scene...

Except- you wouldn't have, if you had heard what was really going on in that hug.

Sylvester's eyes widen and he deadpans at his son, hearing the words that come out in a rushed, hoarse whisper as soon as the hug he thought was genuine closes around his neck. Of course... this is his son, after all...

"How am I doing, Father?? Is Y/N looking?? I've been told that other cats become more inclined to date a cat who's good with children!, and since you're hopeless at that, I've elected myself, your darling baby son, to help you! So, are they looking father??"

"Junior!"

"Yes father???"

"I do not need your help to woo anyone, and I'm working on Y/N... " Sly tries to assure Jr, not sounding totally sure as his eyes fall downcast. "Its, uh, just a slow process, is all... " After a moment, he proudly lifts his chin, and he would puff out his chest, if... you know.. it was there... "I got your mother on my own, didn't I??"

Sylvester's proud moment is cut off quickly as his son pulls away from him to give a very deadpanned, sassy expression at the mention of his absentee mother cat. "And where is she, may I ask, father??"

A loud 'Aha!' comes from you a few feet away as you jump up, and grab something right out of the air.

Deeply rolling his eyes, irritation flickering inside him at the antics of his son, Sylvester Sr plonks him down on the bench beside him, angrily crossing his arms. Jr follows suit, looking like an exact replica of his father... except, smaller.

Blinking blankly around to see the two, with Tweety now wriggling around in your paws, you giggle at the sight. "What happened to you two? You were having such a heart warming father-son moment a second ago!"

"I'm full of shame, Y/N. Oh woe... "Sylvester Jr sighs, shaking his head as Sr turns his head slowly to look at him. "How am I to face my friends at the playground... My father- a loser!"

Sylvester pointedly looks away, angry eyes pointing towards the court. "My son... a spoiled brat. How am I ever to show my face in society, again?" An even heavier sigh comes out of Sylvester Jr at that remark, and Sylvester Sr immediately jumps up from the bench, pointing a stern finger at his son. "Oh no ya don't- Don't you dare get out that bag!!"

"But Father! I'm full of shame!" Sylvester Jr whines, holding the paper bag in his lap as you watch the two in wonderment. How they can bicker like this, and still have such an adorable, open relationship you have no clue - some kids are too scared to talk back to their fathers, - but the state of these two's relationship is truly, really endearing to you.

Oh how you love Sly... You catch yourself swooning at the thought of him, and immediately stop yourself. Stop it, Y/N! This is not the time for that. Taking a deep breath, you shake yourself. Okay, back to the task at hand.

Meanwhile, Sylvester snatches the paper bag away from Jr. "Oh, cut that out, wouldja?!"

While there's a pause in the argument, you jump and take your chance to hold up Tweety in front of Sylvester's face- his pupils shrinking at the sight and his teeth growing sharper, somehow.

"Oh no oh no- You mean old puddy tads- using me like this!" Tweety exclaims, wings pressed firmly to your paws and pushing, struggling to wiggle up and out of your tight grip. Yeah yeah, you think. Tell it to the choir.

Hopefully when I let Tweety go, Sly will give chase... and be all better!

Heh... isn't that how it works? It is, right? He'll 'perk right up'! you could say.

"Alright... here goes nothing!" You squeak, closing your eyes and letting Tweety go, hoping to god that Sylvester doesn't trample you in his endeavour to snatch his favourite little yellow bird.

Feeling a wind blow against you side and ruffling your fur as Sylvester springs to action, you slowly crack your eyes open again- first seeing Sylvester Jr as he still sits on the bench in front of you swinging his legs over the side of the bench, before peaking over your shoulder, and... "Yes!" You cry out as soon as your keen feline eyes catch sight of Sylvester looking good as new again on the court, chasing Tweety through the still-roaring basketball game. Clasping your hands together, your tail wiggles excitedly behind your back. "It worked!"

"What?" Sylvester hears your cheering and immediately halts in his tracks, looking at you then down at himself- a big, toothy smile spreading across his face when he see's he's all better. "Y/N! You did it! Thanks!"

"Of course!" You call back, then point at the scoreboard and wink. "Now kick those Monstar's butts for me!"

The green Monstar turns a squinty looking evil eye on you at hearing your words but you don't care- you're far too busy burning the image of Sly giving you a thumbs up into your mind.

"Heheh, no problem... " That trademark evil grin slips across Sly's face again as he rubs his paws together, turning his attention back to the game as you sigh, paws on your hips; Happy with your job well done.

"Uh, hello??" Someone speaks up from behind you, and you jump, suddenly remembering the mile long line of toons that still need medical attention.

Ohhh... great. You slowly turn around, seeing Elmer giving you angry eyes and quickly look extremely apologetic, paws awkwardly behind your back and spine as straight as a plank. Oops!

You might seem help... you think you tilting your head to see the rest of the long... long, l o n g line. "Uhh... SJ? You wanna help me play nurse, maybe?"

"Oh, yes Y/N!" He exclaims enthusiastically, hopping off the bench and taking up your medical kit in his short little arms- which is way too big for him. You giggle and take it from the kitten, patting his head. "I'll be happy to be your assistant!"

Fist bumping each other, you wink. "That's the kinda attitude I like to see! Lets go."

~

A couple hours and countless injuries later and the game is coming to a nail chewing close. Truly, this is a new level of anxiety you're feeling as you leave Sylvester Junior, now exhausted and up past his bedtime, curled in Granny's lap with a blanket strewn over him. Then you sit back down to watch the game beside a very injured Sly, as Witch Hazel defibrillates Taz.

If Michael doesn't make this shot - with but seven seconds to go, - he has to move to Moron Mountain in your place. You all dragged him here for help and now h's the one with everything on the line.

You cant help but feel a massive load of guilt.

"Oh I cant watch!" You squeak suddenly amongst the thunderous sounds of the audience at 4 seconds, and cover your eyes. "Tell me when its over!"

.

.

.

3 seconds later, the buzzer screeches and you hear the toons around you cheering, and peak out nervously from beyond your paws. ... What happened?

Your gaze flickers to the score board.

Oh my god. A deep, relieved breath comes out of you. "We won!?"

"We won!" Sylvester concurs, jumping up from the bench and throwing a fist into the air. Then he puts his paws on your arms and beams down at you. "We're not gonna be slaves!!"

You wonder what you could say in response, but the one thing your body is telling to you to do is throw your arms around him- so you do. And he doesn't think twice before squeezing you back, picking you up and swinging you around.

Then the world comes crashing down around Sly, as his son opens his eyes to see the scene- and gasps. The kitten sits up quickly in Granny's lap and points. "Oh, father! You did it! I knew you could do it!"

Immediately Sylvester puts you down, his paws retreating from you and a definite sense of nervousness - and maybe embarrassment? - settles over him. You raise your brows, confused, but still swimming in the joy of the game being won and just tilt your head as you confusedly smile. "What did he do??"

Sly Jr doesn't even think a second before gleefully elaborating- despite his father very nearly shaking his soul free waving his hands at him in a doomed endeavour to shut his son up. "No- stop, Junior!- "

"Asked you out! Didn't he?" As the wide eyed bewilderment on your face and the utter horror on Sylvester's dawns on Jr, his shoulders drop and he turns disappointedly at his dad. "Didn't you?"

"No!"

"Oh, father!- "

Sylvester Sr's tail, shoulders, and head slump forward as he turns his kitten around so he faces away from the two of you, embarrassment replaced by exasperation. "You're tired, son. Go to sleep. Night night, sleep tight, sweet dreams, don't let the bed bugs bite and we'll talk in the morning." Then he slowly, meekly turns back to you.

And you're practically glowing. "Sly... what's he talking about?"

"Father likes you!- " Sylvester Jr tries to speak up again, turning his head but Sr twists his head carefully back, a reprimanding tone in his voice.

"Sleep! Hah hah... " Sylvester (Sr) turns back to you, arms held carefully behind his back as he chuckles nervously. "My son is... troubled... a little- "He point at his head and swirls his finger; A gesture reading 'Loopy'. As soon as the meaning behind that word and his gesture occurs to you, you visibly droop. Oh. Okay... I guess SJ was just messing with us... Sly watches this reaction, and his ears perk up quickly; Sensing some dissappintment. "I mean, uh... unless you liked the i-idea?"

You peak up at him again from the floor, seeing his face slowly going red. "... D-do you?"

"Wha- I asked first! You answer the question."

"Hey." Setting your fists to your hips, you look stubbornly at him. "You were just taking it all back! So you tell the truth. Which is it??"

"Yeah- but I asked the question first!"

"Sylvester James Pussycat Senior!"

"Pfft... if you think pulling full name on me is going to change anything... " He rolls his eyes, crossing his arms. "You've got another thing comin'!"

Your eyes narrow, and so do his, before suddenly Taz jumps up from the bench he was resting on and ZOOMS past Sly so fast and so hazardously, that he's caught off guard and jumps forward with a yelp- accidentally knocking you.

"Oh!-"

"H-hold on, I got ya!!" Sylvester's eyes widen to the size of dinner plates and he grabs you just before gravity manages to drag you down to the ground; Pulling you back up to your feet- which just so happens to bring you two extremely close together.

Two sets of eyes widen and faces go red.

Everything seems to go a little quieter around you, the deafening sounds of the auditorium seeming to get plunged under water as the crazy all just slows down for just a moment. Enough for you to enjoy the few seconds you foreseeably get before he jumps back like someone sprayed him.

But to your surprise, he doesn't move. Just stands there and looks shocked... but does not move even an inch away from you. Doesn't even let go of you.

Finally, after a few good moments, you sigh and give in. "... Sly, would you like to go out sometime with me?"

"Ah... " His ears flatten against his head as he looks bashful, with a cute little smile that makes your stomach do backflips as he curls his tail around yours. "Yes, I'd like that very much."

You lean up and give him a feather light kiss on the cheeks- and he goes even redder.

[just-a-dumb-gay]

I think I just found out why i crave validation online from strangers (like comments on fanfics). And why praise and compliments on something I done always make me so happy.

I rarely got rewards as a kid for doing good things. And Ive gotten even less as I've grown up.

TL;DR (because there's explanation and tangenting below the cut): I pretty much never get or have gotten praise or rewards or anything similar because I was doing things that I should be doing anyways because society perceives it all as normal and easy and it's only gotten worse as Ive gotten older. So now my achievements and cool stuff being acknowledged with genuine enthusiasm means the world.

SO GO GIVE POSITIVE VIBES TO YOUR FRIENDS, YOUR FAMILY, ESPECIALLY ANY KIDS IN YOUR LIFE, EVEN JUST A REALLY COOL STRANGER ONLINE!! IT MAKES SO MUCH MORE OF A DIFFERENCE THAN A LOT OF PEOPLE REALIZE!

Actual accomplishments? Nope. Perfect report cards (minus attendance because I'm not superhuman, I got sick like 99% of other kids. And just gym ew it was so boring) and endless praise during parents night (because gifted kid plus a pile of anxiety and autism that was scared to get in trouble).

Now I wanna specify I did get little things like some sweets or like a couple pounds as pocket money but that was 9/10 times for helping with chores or something that I didn't HAVE to help with. Those things I done because I wanted to help, and ngl a few of the tasks were fun so I wanted to do them without expecting anything in return. So just a quick side note but still somewhat relevant.

I should also specify since the adult Im closest to is my dad, his opinion and everything means way more tor me than it should.

I never even got a simple "I'm proud of you" from my dad (who has seen me every day minus like a month in total in my entire 18 years of living). And he taught me A LOT outside of school. Life skills, creative skills, problem solving skills. Even when I do good with all of that honestly I don't think he's ever said that to me even Once. Now I don't have it as bad as many many others because I would still get things like "Good job" or "Well done" but they were kinda half hearted and its still taken its toll on me. (Because even though others have something worse doesn't mean we're not allowed to have strong feelings about our personal situation)

I have an abundance of health issues and doing so many things has became extremely challenging for me. Yesterday, I went to my first medical appointment completely alone, and it was a dentist appointment and I have deppresso teeth so dentists are terrifying. When my dad got home from work I was telling him about it and everything and how happy I was it went well despite now having a temporary filling in a tooth Im most likely gonna lose. Yknow what his reaction was after I had tangented for like 10 minutes out of happiness then had to stop and take a breath? "Okay I'm gonna finish eating my dinner now" in his 'im pretending to joke yet I'm being serious' tone (which is a whole other issue). Like... dude... I managed to do my first bus journey, medical appointment and mild medical procedure completely 100% alone, 3 things that absolutely terrify me, AND YOU CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR FOOD?!

My partner said they were proud of me multiple times yesterday. My friend hyped me up and offered enthusiastic and entertaining support. Those 2 and 2 other friends (one I dont speak to quite as regular and another who ive been friends with for roughly 9 years and am super close to but we talk like 1 or 2 times a month) are always super supportive in their own individual ways and Im still not used to it, and I don't think I ever will be.

So I guess long tangent short. My accomplishments were always just treated as average things that were expected of me similar to just simply being at school on time. And anything I created usually had a flaw pointed out (not in a constructive criticism way, Im always open to constructive criticism) and the most that'd be said is "Looks good" or "Thats nice". So now praise and/or enthusiastic support (both are equal to me) for accomplishments mean the absolute world. And comments on fanfics or any other sort of positive acknowledgement of something I created makes me feel like what I done was actually a good use of my time.

I could say a lot more but I just need to rant for a bit, and this is probably gonna get like 3 notes max.

[sanchoyo]

danny phantom season 2, eps 1-5 thoughts! opening the new season with episodes like these kinda blew me away. we had multiple serious episodes INCLUDING a two parter!! also, valerie :)

see prev episode thoughts in this tag <3

-I don't know what I expected s2 to open with. but danny portal incident in more detail was not it. (also, I hate to break it to you, sam, but danny's parent's bigass ghost hunting rv def chugs more gas than those vehicles, lmao. unless it runs on ectoplasm or something...)

-WHY WAS DESIREE IN THE SEWER? HAVING TEA WITH IT DOWN THERE?? Her making the giant cow come alive is a boss move, we've almost had all of my fav animals as ghosts now <3 I also don't like how sam was expecting danny to just, haunt the place so the cars wouldn't get sold? I KNOWWW I know she's 14 (and I had a very annoying phase like this, I think I mentioned in a previous post, I GET IT) but they're HIS powers, and messing with (1) dealership will not really put a dent in sales overall because they can just move the cars to another sales lot, and it certainly wont change the industry anyway, it's more of a minor annoyance for (1) location. Also, usually people who work at car sales places work on commission, so if they dont make a sale, they don't have money to pay bills, or eat. sam baby if u wanna be an activist you need to like, actually look into these things. with as much money as her parents have, she could be doing a lot..more useful things for causes she cares about? it's frustrating to see someone with resources who doesn't know how to use them. but shes 14 so again. cannot be really upset :/

-IS THIS A PREDATOR VS TERMINATOR VS FREDDY KRUEGER MOVIE BUT THEYRE ALL WOMEN?? you know, sam is so right to be excited about this. /I/ want to see this movie. that rules

-paulina inviting danny and friends to her quinceañera, aw! even if it is just to get phantom to show up :') and there'll be a meteor shower, and we KNOW danny wants to be an astronaut!! there's not a meteor shower every night!! the tickets are non-refundable, but..she's rich? like. gotta agree with danny, they never get invited!! I KNOW it's the principle of keeping promises, but if she was that upset, she should've said something. directly. I hated how she was like, passive aggressive about it through the episode, like you SAID IT WAS FINE, THAT YOU'D GO TO THE PARTY TOO. MOVIES SHOW FOR A FEW WEEKS IN THEATERS. IF YOU HAD A REAL PROBLEM YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT. WE'VE HAD THIS PROBLEM BEFORE, SAM. YOUR FRIENDS. ARE NOT. MIND READERS.

-MR. LANCER GOING AFTER THE GHOST WITH THE FIRE EXTINGISHER LMAO

-this outfit is everything . anytime the show does an over the top cutesty pink outfit i WANT IT. it looks like shit I wear JKASDHF I HAVE a bow like that and a pink sweater. I need leg warmers </3

-SAMS GOTTA RE-HALF-KILL HIM??? thats fucked up. but also, he finally got his logo!! it took until s2!!! this episode was lowkey very fucked and I felt like it glossed over a lot. does sam have guilt about like. kinda KILLING HIM?? I know, he also agreed and walked into the portal. but. she made the choice to redo it SO quickly (even if it was because someone had to beat desiree) and danny, during their fight, brought up a lot of stuff sam's done in the past, meaning he was holding onto those memories and resentment was building. (I KEEP SAYING HE LOWKEY NEEDS THERAPY, BUT I THINK MOST EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW KINDA DOES) which...is a red flag? and then they didnt even GO to the party URGH I know she tried to make up for it, but it really felt like Sam fucked up and barely faced any consequences and got everything she wanted in the end. I KNOW it's a kids show obv they aren't going to go too in depth, and she undid the damage, kinda, but...I DUNNO how to articulate it but it rubbed me the wrong way.

-but on a note about desiree, her powers of wishes were STRONG ENOUGH TO ERASE NOT JUST THEIR MEMORIES, BUT DANNY'S POWERS?! fuck, if I was danny I'd be like, trying to make friends with her. I know they always have horrible side effects as most genie-granted wishes do, but...c'mon, I'd at least TRY to be like 'I wish no ghosts would hurt anyone in my town' or 'I wish vlad would lose his ghost powers forever no matter What and also forget about my mom' LIKE. SHIT DESIREE IS SO POWERFUL. rewriting reality powerful, basically!! appreciate her. respect her.

-aww, sam helping tucker pass the nurse's office so he wouldn't see because he's afraid of medical stuff? very sweet. I also don't like medical stuff, I've gotten a lot better at handling it tho. but seeing blood and needles still makes me feel lightheaded x_x

-FOLEY, BY TUCKER FOLEY. I want to make my own perfume, that's so cool. even if his first attempt isn't good, he's pretty consistently shown to have an inventor/entrepreneur streak in the show, so like. I can see him inventing or making something (or several somethings) that make him $$$ when he grows up :) proud of my creative son

-I know the 'creepy abandoned hospital on the edge of town' is a joke and the creepy hospital trope is so Worn Out, but in my town we actually DO have a hospital like that! my dad was born in it, but its not in use and hasn't been for, like, 20 years! it needs to be torn down but I think the city doesn't wanna pay the money. the inside is horrible, spray painted and broken glass and shit everywhere. but there's still like, rusty equipment and fucking DOLLS all over the place. the cops drive by it pretty frequently to make sure no one is like, breaking in. (because of water damage, some of the areas really aren't safe. also, asbestos, but people still go in anyway) but also, some of my town was used in a filming for a stephen king show. So it's lowkey spooky all over. just a fun personal tidbit :) to lead into saying, any hospital abandoned for any period of time is NOT safe to quarantine these kids in JKSAHDKF like I KNOW it's a ghost trying to do this, but NONE of these parents are even like, 'well, why dont we keep them in the regular, working hospital'....YIKES. this hospital looks pretty accurate to the one in town. grungy and spooky.

-fentons are tax evaders confirmed by jack's fear of being audited, lol no one is surprised

-ghost sickness via ghost bugs. horrifying concept. I actually expected it to be a new villain, not dr. spectra again! this is a very elaborate scheme. her new form rules, love the new costume. the way none of the bg kids seem to recognize her as their old school councilor. did we just forget about that completely?

-dash watching romance movies in the fucked up ghost hospital. same.

-'oh please, you're ghosts, do you have any idea what YOU smell like?' no, tucker, what DO ghosts smell like? I genuinely didn't know they would even have a smell, I actually want to know now.

-it feels like a while since we've seen jazz!! i was happy to see her again, even if she was a head in a jar for most the episode. I want another jazz-focused ep!!

-we finally see danny doing space-related stuff!! him and his friends stargazing to open ep 3 of s2. cute :) until, GHOST PIRATES!!!!! ...ghost pirate captain is a small child?? VOICED BY TAYLOR LAUTNER???

-oh, the easy listening is ember's song instrumental slowed. 'vapor drone' THEY VAPORWAVED HER!!! ember in a pirate outfit tho >>>>. and the cruise being called m.bersback JKASDHJK. ember adopting a little pirate brother is also pretty cute. concerning this teen and little kid have such bad opinions of adults, like, who hurt you?? (how did you DIE ALSO?? im always lowkey curious about that. we know desiree died at an old age, but her ghost form is young, probably mid-20s, so I wonder how that sort of thing works...its a more mental thing, isn't it?) but ghost team-ups are always cool to see, even if ember bailed after danny took her guitar. I guess she probably thinks youngblood can handle it (which, he's been owning danny this far in the ep, so...fair)

-tucker got that sponsorship from nasty burger for their radio!!! again, opportunistic money maker king, love to see it!!!

-danny taking control of the kids SO FAST. he makes a pretty great leader. no one is surprised, im pretty sure I said I think he's the most mature of the trio, once again, correct, because he's taken on so much responsibility already. all the teens suiting up in the jumpsuits to go save the adults and taking the ship over with a BLIMP. OKAY LETS GO. this feels like it should be a mid finale or straight up finale.

-...speaking of finales. why is ep 4-5 of s2 combined into a 50 minute episode? I havent even clicked play and im concerned. weird placement, like, this season JUST started and we're getting a two parter? okay...why are the episodes placed like this? why not put this at episode 10 or something, for a mid-season thing?

-this is also a cute dress. possibly my fav dress so far. can her parents give ME cute dresses, I'LL wear them.

-it turns out the castle fright knight was in is called pariah's keep and there's something worse than fright knight in there! lovely! fuck off vlad wtf are you doing <3 your hubris <3 is going to literally get you killed <3 'ring of rage' and 'crown of fire' are great names tho. ...vlad turning into a super polite guy when he was scared of mr. pariah was hilarious. and fright knight doing the same...I mean, it makes sense, he's a knight, he serves a king? happy to see fright knight again either way :) vlad telling him to call him tho, lmfao. you WISH HE WOULD. (I wish hed call me, too. 😔)

-so...jack being genuinely concerned about vlad...maddie really didn't tell him what happened at the cabin, did she. damn. if I was her id immediately come home and be like 'YOU WONT BELIEVE THIS SHITTTT THIS CREEPY GUY--' like, I feel like that stuff you need to tell your partner!!! I know she didnt want Jack to think she was an irresponsible parent putting danny in danger at that time, but STILLLL. maddie spilling boiling tea on him. get his ass. how is jack this oblivious to his wife's discomfort with vlad!! ughhh

-fenton wipe (tm). trademarked toilet paper.

-DANNY AND VALERIE BEING FRIENDS??? :D that was a cute moment. 'hey val <3' and 'if you like him like him, make a move, or someone else will ;)' at sam...damn!! I love her. valerie go for it girl!!! I hate how sam and tucker treat val also, like I GET IT YOURE PROTECTIVE AND DONT TRUST but if anything him befriending valerie will help when she finds out or he tells her like I feel like she'll be more understanding that they think! ALSO I feel like her reason for not liking ghosts is valid, like you haven't really explained the full story to her anyway! she doesn't seem to have any other friends after being booted from the a-listers so im like :( but seeing them kick butt together again was nice <3

-the ghosts all RUNNING FROM PARIAH DARK IS NOT GOOD, I thought he sent them to attack or something, but no. why doesn't someone just tell desiree 'hey i wish pariah dark would die' lol. once again I think she can solve every problem <3 but seeing all the enemies in one place, being civil and hiding together? love it.

-you just know danny's gonna have to clean up vlad's stupid mess. also, jack being willing to put on the ectoskeleton pants to help maddie, as soon as vlad heard it could kill him, he suggested jack do it instead of helping maddie himself? this is why jack got the girl, my man.

-ghost skeletons. how do you end up as a skeleton ghost in your afterlife instead of a humanoid like most the ones we've seen? lmao

-the ghosts just making new homes in various stores. I'd totally be setting up in an expensive clothing store if I was a ghost.

-valerie's dad is possibly the most useful adult so far, with that ghost shield expansion!!! and valerie saving vlad and danny, even tho shes been thru it already, shes still so good!!! this family rules.

-danny: *gently caresses valerie* :)

-*then he immediately TELLS HER DAD ON HER. and his first response is 'are you okay?' :'( such a good dad...

-*me every time fright knight breathes* youre doing SO great sweetie :)

-the fenton suit thing is so silly looking. does anyone take this thing seriously

-ALL THE GHOSTS FIGHTING WITH DANNY <3 AAAAA. and the fact that pariah isn't perma-defeated, but just locked away again. yikes. he'll probably get out again, won't he? it wasn't too clear, but if vlad DID make a pact with fright knight, I am rabid. I will beat vlad to death with the fenton bat (tm). YOU DONT DESERVE A COOL KNIGHT.

-valerie being direct with sam and challenging her? kinda love that, even tho I normally don't like 'catfight' type situations. because sam has been very passive aggressive about it which is annoying. valerie knows wtf she wants and wasn't even embarrassed to tell sam, but she did tell her, giving sam time to make her own move! and sam denied it and got embarrassed/mad! and sam did have a chance when danny was about to go off and fight, and she hesitated and didn't tell him. I feel like she's hesitating because they're friends and it might make it weird between the trio (poor tucker would be third-wheeling) but if u snooze u lose, u gotta GO after what u WANT girl. smh this is a No Tsundere Zone. 😤