#I am going to scream in the face of a politician about this one day

[faenights]

am going to rant about the uk mh services because i am angry about it always and forever and am having one of those adhd moments where i feel like i'll explode if i don't put it somewhere! It is under the cut dw <3 TL:DR I cannot begin to express how angry I am that the government tries to claim they care about trans people when the mh services are,, like this.

re: my last reblogged post... i am so genuinly concerned about the state of politics and the fact that the only thing that seems to remotely imply that the government cares about mh services is actually just people using it as an excuse to be transphobic.

There's little point in trying to break down whatever it is that they're saying atm but one of the main points (which we've seen in america a lot as well!!) is the what about the children?? question which makes me more angry than i care to articulate. Because, quite CLEARLY, none of this: making two gendered toilets manditory, making it difficult if not impossible for trans people to access healthcare, that goddamn report they did?? has anything to do with the children.

now i hope i don't come across as a terf for saything this but,, i do think there is a legitmate concern about the implications of prescribing hormone ultering drugs to children when they're still developing. We know that hormones do a lot to fuck with mh and its not something that should be given to anyone lightly. HOWEVER, if that was the genuine concern with any of this, they are coming at it in entirely the wrong way.

this is partially one of the reasons puberty blockers are prescribed for younger trans people. as far as we are aware, it doesn't have anywhere near the mh implications that changing their puberty entirely can and it has the added benefit for not forcing someone to go through a puberty that they have quite clearly expressed will be very distressing. puberty is a shitty thing to go through anyway, mh is especally volatile when hormones are involved. this is shown by,, literally every teenager ever. but you know whats also a great fucking example of this?? birth control!! which is something that many doctors are very happy to prescribe without putting in anywhere near as much thought/education or awareness of the impacts. If they truly gave a shit about the children and ~hormones~, birth control would not be prescribed so easily. but it is, because its not actually about child wellbeing. the same goes for the presciption of mh medications e.g. antidepressants. Below is mostly just me ranting about my shitty doctors. It's not entirely relevent but exlains why im so goddamn angry and convinced that this mh bs people argue is bs.

I, for example, have been taking antidepressants since I was 14. I do not remeber clearly what it was like to not be on them other than the fact that I was Very mentally unwell. I will be the first to say that they have so useful and, I do believe it may have genuinly saved my life at the time. But, I am now 22. I have reached the point where I am at the highest dose of my current antidepressants and I have no idea what I'm supposed to do when they stop working. I didn't care when I was 14 but, I am now old enough to consider the implications of taking antidepressants for so long, especally given that I was so young. No one has ever sat me down and talked to me about the implications of this medication for anything really, let alone the implications it may or may not have had given that my brain was still developing for the majority of the time i've been taking it. infact, the few times i have tried to talk to someone about it the process has been so infuritating i've ended up more distressed than I was to begin with and have just,, given up for the time being. I am not a doctor, and getting in contact with a doctor about it has always been very difficult, but I know antidepressants are not supposed to be a long term solution. they are a band aid that's used with other treatments. when you prescribe antidepressants and do nothing else,, they don't work. and yet,, here I am, a person that has been on this since I was barely a teenager, in a position where I cannot talk to someone about it despite trying to. because, and this is my main point in all this,, THE MH SYSTEM HERE IS FUCKING TERRIBLE.

I am in the wonderful position of living in one of the areas with the worst mh services in the UK so I hope that my expereince is just an especally bad one, but I know that it is likely very common. In fact, I'm lucky that I got prescribed antidepressants at all since most people don't even get that. the only reason I got them in the first place is because I'm lucky enough that my parents could afford for me to see someone privately. I have never managed to get an nhs doctor or wellbeing service to even remotely listen to me in the past 8 years I've been through that system. Unfortunately, in my expereince at least, trying to contact the nhs about my mh issues has lead to,, "come back when you're worse". Even when when I've quite openly said to them that if I get any worse I'm sure if I'll still be alive to come back to them. This has made no difference whatsoever. If i had had to rely on the NHS mental health systems, or the non existant "support" i had from schools (which also knew of my mh issues at the time but did nothing) I truly don't think I would still be alive to write angry tumblr posts about it.

What I mean to say is,, this has been my expereince with pretty "standard" mh issues (anxiety ect). We know that trans peole are a lot more likely to die when not given treatment or any form of support than most other groups of peole. How you can know that and still try and argue that taking away the one thing that might help people and hide behind the excuse that it's because you "care about their wellbeing" is beyond me. and, say Mrs TERF is right, and some kids that say they're trans are actually dealing with other issues that they later realise, the level of harm that is done to them by ignoring them or worse, telling them they don't know about their own feelings or expereinces, is so much worse than the possibility of someone detransitioning. People, especally young people, need to time and space to figure out who they are. denying them that does nothing but hurt them more and lead so many other complications later in life.

If the governement really truly did care about the mh of young people, these implimentaions would be different. They would centre trans people and focus on what trans people say they need. Not random cis women that have decided to speak over them. if they cared about the mh of young people, they'd review whatever the fuck is going on with the mh services in this country and not make trying to ask for help feel like you're fighting a battle with a thousand monsters just to get to the bottom of a mountain. they would change mh services so they actually fucking helped instead of told people to go away or prescribe medications to make someone shut up for a few months. They would give a shit that children keep fucking dying because they are asking for help and no one is helping them.

When the government or the nhs or whatever talks about mh they try and say that there is help out there and you can get better you've just gotta open up! They are 1) ignoring that opening up and speaking to peole about this is an incredibly difficult thing to do in the first place and 2) ignoring that they are seeming to do everything in their power to not help people.

if you read that, I'm very greatful, thank you. and I apologise for all the spelling mistakes.

[rvp32]

Prison break- ITZY (Chaeryeong)

Chaeryeong hated Monday mornings, it was the worst day of the week. Chaeryeong also hated it because of college, Chaeryeong wasn’t the regular popular kid. Chaeryeong was hated by a lot of people and constantly bullied but Chaeryeong never did anything to them even though Chaeryeong knew that she could beat them up, Chaeryeong did not want to get in any trouble because of my parents so she never did anything to them and took their beating without saying a thing. 

Chaeryeong had a step-brother, he was a sweet guy and the only person she loved and cared for in her entire family. He was frail and had a small body frame but he was very smart, so smart that he was ranked in the top 10 for overall scores in the university. He deeply cared for Chaeryeong as well, and we were very close so close that some people even mistook us for a couple. To Chaeryeong’s knowledge he lived a pretty decent life, he didn’t smoke, drink, or do drugs and he had a good group of friends.

One day, Chaeryeong was walking by his building to go to my class, Chaeryeong heard someone screaming so Chaeryeong wanted to see what was going on, Chaeryeong was shocked to find that my brother was being beaten up by 3 people who were asking him for his money and also demanding that he steal some of my panties and give it to them. Chaeryeong was furious at this sight so Chaeryeong screamed saying “WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU GUYS THINK YOU ARE DOING???!”. 

This caused the 3 guys to turn around to look at me. Chaeryeong walked toward them and punched one of them in the face this caused a brawl to break out and Chaeryeong was beating their asses without even getting hit by them. 2 of them fainted but the last guy would not shut up he constantly kept talking shit about my brother and also me, he was saying disgusting things like “why are you beating us up? Why do you have to guard your brother does he not have the balls to fight us? That weak-ass mother fucker who can do nothing but hide behind his step-sister’s back. I am pretty sure that this weak fucker still sucks on his mom’s tits because of how dependent he is”.

 His last statement set Chaeryeong off and she pushed him down to the ground and continuously punched his face even after he lost consciousness. Chaeryeong was stopped by some random people,  the guy was bleeding so badly and he must have had some broken bones. 

After this, the cops came to my house and took me to the police station, Chaeryeong believed that she was not in the wrong and that she should not have to pay for any of the damages. The guy that he got beaten up was the son of a famous politician so this caused his parents to bribe the judges and Chaeryeong was jailed for 4 years for attempted murder and assault. Chaeryeong’s parents did not even appoint a lawyer to help her with this because they decided that they are no longer associated with Chaeryeong so they disowned her and she was left to deal with this all by herself so she ended up in prison. 

The prison was not a pretty place, it had people who had committed horrible crimes, crimes that would make people puke just from hearing about them so Chaeryeong needed to become stronger and build some friendships so that she doesn’t get bullied like she did when she was in college. The first thing that Chaeryeong had to do when she entered the prison was that she was told to strip and give away all of her belongings, they then took pics of Chaeryeong holding a board with her name and a number, but they did not let her put her clothes back on while they did this but she had no choice to obey them because they were the ones in power right now. 

Chaeryeong was sent to her room and she was staying with four other girls, she did not say anything to them and just went to her bed. One of the girls came up to her and introduced herself by saying “hi, I am Yuna what is your name?” 

They got close over the next few weeks. One day during lunch, a woman walks up to Chaeryeong and took Chaeryeong’s plate, and emptied the food onto the floor. This pissed off Chaeryeong and now that she decided to never be disrespected she got up and punched the woman’s face, this caused a mass fight to break out in prison. There were many people trying to attack Chareyeong and beat her up but she tried her best to defend herself, she was getting tired and did not know how much longer she could keep it up but to her surprise she found her roommates fighting with her, and defending her. The brawl was stopped by the prison guards and Chaeryeong, her roommates along with some other prisoners were thrown into isolation cells. 

All of them did not know how long they would be stuck there, after the first day Chaeryeong decided to break the silence and scream to ask the other 4 people why did they join the fight when they knew that there would be consequences. One of them replied saying “We know that you are a good person, we have been observing you since the time you entered our room, throughout the entire time you did nothing that would bother us and you never caused trouble, so we decided that it was in our best interest to help you when you were so badly outnumbered”. 

Chaeryeong felt touched because this is the first time that someone actually stood up for her and defended her so Chareyeong replied by saying “thank you so much for defending me I really mean it, you guys defended me but I don't know your names so could you please introduce yourselves. The 3 girls introduced themselves and Yuna said, “you know my name already”. The names of her roommates are Lia, Yeji, Ryujin, and Yuna.  

Timeskip 

4 years have already passed and now Chaeryeong was going to be released, she was sad to a certain extent because she did not want to leave Yeji, Lia, Ryujin, and Yuna because they became like a family to her but luckily for her, they were going to get released in 2 months so she planned to come back to the prison to meet them when they are released. When Chaeryeong was released there was no one waiting for her, she was sad to see this because she was hoping that her parents had finally forgiven her and that she could go back to living her normal life. Chaeryeong took a cab to her home and was surprised to find that her family still lived in the same house because after them not coming to pick her up she had assumed that they would have moved to a different city or a country to completely sever ties with her. Chaeryeong walked to the front door and rang the doorbell. 

A handsome muscular man opened the door, the man looked very shocked to see Chaeryeong at the door and as soon as they broke out of his trans he immediately hugged Chareyeong. This sudden act of skinship shocked Chaeryeong and confused her because she did not know the man that was hugging her. After he moved away from Chaeryeong he said: “Noona, you are finally back I have been waiting for you, I wanted to come to pick you up but I did not know which prison you were in”. 

Chaeryeong looked at her step-brother and started to tear up she hugged him “I can’t believe it is really you, I have missed you so much, you have changed so much I didn’t recognize you at all.” Chaeryeong says

“Yeah I did, I did not want to get beat up ever again and I want to be the one to protect you”. - Step-brother replies

Chaeryeong moves into the house and looks around feeling nostalgic. She turns to her brother “I know that they left but I was wondering what happened and how are you still able to keep this house and how are you doing?” Chaeryeong says 

 He turns around and walks closer to Chaeryeong, now they are so close that Chaeryeong’s tits are basically pressed up against her step-brother's chest and he says “I am a millionaire business entrepreneur Noona, my net worth is over 150 million dollars, I have enough money for anything that you want to do Noona, you don’t have to work anymore” 

Chaeryeong is so happy that her step-brother is successful but she feels that she will be a burden on him so she says “don’t worry I can take care of me and I don’t want to drag you or your business down just because you are associated with me so I will leave after I find another place to stay”. 

He holds Chaeryeong’s chin and makes her stare into his eyes and says “Noona, I have missed you so much and there is no way that you will leave I don’t care if I lose everything, I just need you”.

 Chaeryeong pushes him away “don’t joke but I am really thankful for you I mean it. 

Chaeryeong’s brother took her to her room and showed her that it was left exactly as the last time she saw it. She was very surprised that the room was exactly how she had last seen it. Her step-brother leaves Chaeryeong to herself because he knows that she is going to need some time with herself, to grasp the situation and finally come to terms with it. After Chaeryeong finished looking around she goes for a shower. She takes a nice hot shower, bathes in her citrus-scented body wash, and just lets her body relax under all the hot water. She walks out of the shower feeling very relaxed and goes to her old closet to get some clothes to put on, she picks out a loose crop top that she loved, also a pair of shorts, a bra, and panties. She tries to put on a bra but to her disappointment, the bra no longer fits her because her boobs had gotten bigger so decides to just put on the crop top without a bra for now. She tries to put on her panties but she notices that she is facing the same problem as her ass had gotten bigger from all the workouts that she did in prison so she skips that and put on her shorts but since her ass had gotten bigger she could no longer fit in them as well so she just put on one of her old skirts and walked out to the kitchen.

As Chaeryeong walks to the kitchen to get some food as she was very hungry she notices that her brother is cooking some Kimchi-fired rice for her, so sits at the counter near the kitchen, while looking at her step-brother as he cooks. Her step-brother turns around and is startled by Chaeryeong’s sudden appearance, this causes Chaeryeong to burst out in laughter and this embarrasses her step-brother

“I did not hear a single sound. How long have you been here?” He says

“I got here a few minutes ago so do not worry, yeah it is a habit that I picked up when I was in prison, sorry if that creeps you out. I can announce myself every time I enter a room if you want.” Chaeryeong says

“You do not have to do something so stupid and it is also my fault because I have been living alone for such a long time that it is different for me to have someone here,” he says

He continues to cook the rice while watching him cook Chaeryeong realizes that her brother had ignored the question about her parents when they spoke so she wanted to ask again because she was very curious as to why they left but her step-brother is still living here.

“Hey, tell me something where are our parents? Why did they leave and how come they did not take you with them?” Chaereyong says

“I really did not want to talk about this, they left because they no longer wanted to be known as the parents of a criminal, they initially took me with them as well and I had no choice but to follow because I did not have enough money”. Her step-brother says

“You left with them but why are you back here? How is everything the exact same?” - Chaeryeong asks. 

“After we left this house, nobody wanted to buy it so it was just left like this. One year after you went to prison I started my company, within 2 months it took off and I finally had enough money so I left them and bought this house from the real estate agent” her step-brother replies.

Hearing this made Chaeryeong feel appreciated so she walked up to him and hugged him tightly and mumbled something that no one could understand, her brother suddenly pushes her away and looks at her from top to bottom. 

“Noona, are you not wearing a bra? I could feel your nipples on my chest” - he says

Chaeryeong realizes what had just happened so she crosses her arms over her chest attempting to cover up her nipples, she is currently blushing because of what had happened and she walks behind the counter going back to where she was sitting. 

“Yeah I am not wearing any right now because all my old ones do not fit me anymore, I tried putting it on but my boobs became a lot bigger than before so they were really tight and suffocating,” Chaeryeong says.

Hearing this her step-brother's cock got hard and threatened to burst out of his pants but Charyeong could not see this because he had already turned towards the stove to finish his cooking and plate it so that they both could eat it. After plating the rice he takes another pan to make the eggs that he was planning to place on top. By this time his boner had gone down so he picked up the plate of fried rice and egg, and placed it in front of Chareyeong for her to eat. Looking at the food, Chaeryeong’s mouth started to water because for the first time in 4 years she was going to have a home-cooked meal and some good food that she actually liked. 

She waited for her step-brother to finish making his plate as well so that they could eat together, Chaeryeong also suggested that they should watch a new movie or Kdrama because she wants to catch up with them, her step-brother agrees and they sit down in front of the TV. Chaereyong decided that she wants to watch Nevertheless which is Kdrama. After Chaeryeong and her step-brother finished eating, he took the plate to wash them and also clean up the kitchen, by the time he got back Chaeryeong had fallen asleep on the couch, he went to his room to get a blanket to put over her because she must be cold. 

He got the blanket from his room and was about to put it on Chaereyong when he noticed that Chaereyong’s pussy was visible, this caused his dick to get hard, he was so tempted to lie down and start eating her pussy and do so much more to her but he decided against it do he put the blanket over her and went to the washroom to calm himself down. After he calmed down he went to the kitchen where he placed his laptop and began doing his company work.

After an hour, while he continued working Chaeryeong began to moan in her sleep. At first, he thought that it was because she was having nightmares but once he got closer to her the moans sounded very erotic and this set him off again, this time instead of backing out he sat down next to Chaeryeong and started to slowly play with her pussy, seeing that Chaeryeong has not reacted or woken up from this he continued to do so but he got greedy and wanted to taste Chaeryeong.

He tried to spread her legs but this woke Chaereyong up she was shocked as to what was going on but she did not say anything and acted like she was still asleep. He was able to spread her legs and began eating Chaeryeong out. Chaeryeong was trying her best not to moan out loud but she was enjoying it so much and she was so close to her release. When he flicked her clit with his tongue it finally sent Chaeryeong over her edge and she squirted hard. When she was coming down from her high she heard something that sent chills down her spine,

“Noona, until when are you going to pretend that you are asleep, get up and I will fuck you until you won’t be able to walk for another week but if you do not want that just continue to pretend that you are sleeping, and we can forget this ever happened,” he says. 

Chaeryeong is wondering what she should do because if she does get up then her relationship with her step-brother will no longer be the same as it once was but a part of her mind really wanted to get up so that she could finally get fucked by him and enjoy laying in his arms without caring about anything else. 

The side that wanted to get up had won, Chaeryeong sat up and looked into her step-brother’s eyes and said  “Fuck me like you mean it, fuck me so hard that my pussy only becomes the shape of your dick, use my, use all of my holes, and make me yours”. 

This set him off, he grabbed Chaeryeong and made it so that she was sitting on his lap. He looked her in the eyes and Chaeryeong’s eyes were filled with lust, she was basically begging. He chokes her and says “show me how much you want it?”.

Chaeryeong was so wet that she started to stain her step-brother's shorts, after hearing what he said she began to grind her pussy on his thighs,

“I want it so badly please, I need your cock in me please,” Chaeryeong says

He then shoves a finger into her very wet pussy which causes Chaeryeong to release a whine, he responds by adding 2 more fingers and this causes Chaeryeong’s eyes to widen. He continues to finger her as Chaeryeong’s moans grow louder and more frequently.

“I’m so close, please don’t stop. I’M GOING TO CUM SO FUCKING HARD,” Chaeryeong says 

Just as she is about to cum he pulls out all his fingers which causes Chaeryeong to try and protest but her mind is in haze from almost cumming. He then pushes her onto the couch and takes out his cock placing it in front of Chaeryeong’s 

“I can’t wait anymore, my cock is so fucking hard right now. I’m going to put it in now.” He says

“Yes, shove that cock into my pussy and fuck me please,” Chaeryeong says

He slowly pushes his cock into Chaeryeong’s pussy, she gasps when she feels his length, she already feels full from his dick. She still feels him pushing into her.

“Are you in completely yet? It is so big,” Chaeryeong says

“Noona, I’m only half in. It’s okay relax it will feel better” he says

Chaeryeong nods and tries to relax as he fills her up even more and reaches places that have never been touched before. Her moans turn into groans as she feels a little bit of pain. Chaeryeong feels it stop going deeper. 

“I am completely in, I’m going to wait for a little so that you can adjust to this size,” he says

“You can move slowly, I think it feels better now” Chaeryeong replies

He continues to fuck her slowly, she starts to moan at the feeling better, after Chaeryeong adjusted to the size she began to try and match his movements such that she could feel it more. Noticing this he starts to move faster and harder causing Chaeryong to moan loudly. This continued for a few more minutes and Chareyong felt a knot forming in her stomach. He felt Chaeryeong tighten around him and increased his pace such that the was basically ramming into her like a machine. 

“I’m going to cum, please do not stop keep going, I’m so fucking close. Yes, yes, yes” Chaeryeong says

She cums so hard that her body begins to shake and her eyes roll back. As she continued to ride her orgasm out she was mumbling incoherently, this raised a little concern for Chaeryeong’s step-brother because he thought that he might have fucked Chaeryeong’s brains out. 

“Noona are you fine? Did I really just fuck your brains out just from one round? We are going to be doing this the entire night so tomorrow morning I might end up with a mind-broken slut” he says

After a few seconds, Chaeryeong is finally able to talk after being fucked to oblivion. Chaeryeong replies to her step-brother by saying “Keep going I want to become YOUR cock loving slut, fuck me so much that all I can think about is your cock”

Sometime during their sex, they had moved to the bedroom. They continued to fuck till sunrise, they had to end their session because Chaeryeong had passed out from experiencing an extreme amount of pleasure. Chaereyong was lying beside her brother with her pussy leaking with cum and completely passed out. 

This night of amazing pleasure for both of them had changed their relationship forever but in a positive way for them. 

[jarmes]

There’s a link that keeps going around for a website

You can click a button once a day

And give a fraction of a penny to the victims of a genocide

I do my daily clicks

I go to work

On my lunch break, I read articles

1,000 dead

2,000

10,000

30,000 now

Tomorrow more

I do my daily clicks

I see a photo of a murdered child

They starved him to death

He doesn’t even look like a human being anymore

Like an alien, the way his eyes bulge

The way his skin clings to his bones like saran wrap

I see him when I close my eyes

I do my daily clicks

I read the news again

They gunned down a crowd begging for food

The next day, the news has moved on

The day after, another massacre

No one cares this time

I do my daily clicks

A soldier burns himself to death

He screams for freedom as his skin turns to ash

He gives everything he can

I do my daily clicks

They call it self-defense

But I see their politicians call for extermination

I see ours call for the same

I see soldiers stealing the underwear of the women they murder

As their commanders talk about feminism

I see the burned remnants of ambulances

Soldiers dressed as doctors murdering surgeons

Churches turned to rubble

Burning white phosphorous

I do my daily clicks

I talk about the genocide online

A dozen people I’ve never spoken to flock to the post

They try to explain why the murder of children is righteous

I block them, but they come back again and again

I get an anonymous message calling me a Nazi

I do my daily clicks

I donate $50

I do it more to feel like I’ve done something

I know it isn’t enough, know it won’t matter

But at least I’m able to sleep now

I do my daily clicks

I confront a politician

I ask him about the slaughter

I want him to be hateful

I want him to talk about the glory of the white race with a smile on his face

He doesn’t

He’s articulate and solemn

He calls the loss of life tragic

Then says we must accept it

Says it is for the good of those slain

Says that this is what happens in war

I know he would not say the same if Americans were dying

I do my daily clicks

Before he died

The soldier asked a question

What would you do during the holocaust?

During slavery?

I know the truth

He gave everything he could

I gave $50

I do my daily clicks

They cut funding for aid

They increase funding for bombs

I go to work

I pay my taxes

I contribute to the slaughter, in some small way

I do my daily clicks

I go to church

They talk about forgiveness

About mercy

About loving your enemy

The same people who cheer the deaths of children

The same people who smile at piles of corpses

Who tell me we must go on a holy war

They tell me their god was loving

That’s why they are permitted to be cruel

I say nothing

I do my daily clicks

I fantasize about violence more and more

Of killing the people responsible

Of saving lives

I know I’ll never do anything

I know that I’m a coward

I do my daily clicks

I act like I’m the victim

Write a poem about my pain

It’s laughable

To think that I am suffering

I am so very very lucky

I do my daily clicks

They say that evil triumphs

When good men do nothing

But I am not a good man

None of us are

A good man would do more than click a fucking button once a day

I’m sorry I didn’t do more

[becomedog]

"there's a genocide going on and no one cares" "there's no humanity on earth anymore" "everyone is ignoring palestinian suffering" "humankind has no empathy at all"

i truly get seeing everything going on and feeling deep, unfathomable despair. especially if you are palestinian, jewish, etc- i'm not here to 'well actually' how anyone feels in the face of truly horrific suffering.

but please look around and see those kinds of statements are not true.

we have seen a multitude of massive, worldwide protests. some are record breaking for their cities or countries. we've seen a torrent of people coordinating actions, withholding labor, calling their representatives, holding mourning services across disparate religious communities. these are ongoing. many have been going for long before you or i were born. i don't know how to adequately express how correct it is that a lot of people care.

i see this all the time with climate change too. please speak on who you mean! who? who has the most power to do something, and isn't? who is contributing to the suffering? who is ignoring people screaming for help? saying "humans" when you mean politicians, governments, corporations, etc- it just helps them elude responsibility.

we do not need doomerism. we need hope, love, joy, and action. if the problem is that Humans Don't Care, well all my efforts are kind of worthless as a human myself, and it's against my nature to care. if the issue is our government representatives are ignoring our voices, ignoring suffering, then we can and need to do things about that! every life that is saved is precious.

it should go without saying, but this also ignores the people in gaza who are trying to help- some are doctors, parents, journalists, cousins, random strangers- they all care and are working to help in some of the worst conditions imaginable.

we need to help each other. we are worth helping.

mr. rogers often told this story about when he would see scary things on the news as a child: "my mother would say to me, 'look for the helpers. you will always find people who are helping.' to this day, especially in times of disaster, i remember my mother's words, and i am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers- so many caring people in this world."

[haven-is-happy]

How Battle Changes: Don't Eat That!

Chapter 7

Pairing: Dogma x Jedi!reader, platonic Wolfpack,

Chapter description: A politician's dinner is rarely without consequences

Warnings: !!!unhealthy eating habits!!!, reader has very little mental health stability, angst, reader is at their breaking point

Wordcount: 2,3 k

Masterlist

Somewhere along the line, your statements went from “mildly controversial” to “assassination worthy”.

You’re not sure when exactly that happened. You don’t care. It just means you are focusing on the right thing, pissing off the people who should be exposed the most. 

The thought should be frightening.

Key word: should.

“It’s times like these that I think about my parents. My birth parents, not the parental figures of the caretakers and creche masters at the Jedi Temple. Are they still alive? Was I welcome in their family? Did they wait with bated breath until a child came, tears of joy when I first screamed my lungs out to signal I am breathing and healthy and then reluctantly given with tears to the Jedi? Or was I an intrusion, an accident, an inconvenience they gave away with a sigh of relief?” 

Another scripted speech. You poured your heart out during the nights between senate meetings, because the tears that filled your eyes when you allowed yourself to ask these questions are unbecoming of a public representative.

You basically threatened your way into the senate as a representative of the clones and jedi who wish to leave the rigidity of the places they were raised in. Threatened, not elected.

You bought your presence in the chamber by keeping silent about the carnage Krell was allowed to go on, even before Umbara, keeping silent about the Senate's knowledge about the Malevolence, long before it was discovered by your former master Plo.

No tears. No weaknesses. They will tear you apart.

And so the speech continues as you swallow the most likely answer. It burns on the way down. It might burn on the way back up after you permit yourself to throw it up from stress in the “comfort” of your home.

You’ve researched. You know the sector where you most likely came from, now deep in Separatist territory, being the place of several battles at the start of the War.

“I may never know, as the Jedi Master who brought me to the temple is dead. She died on Geonosis and took dozens of secret parentages of padawans, knights and younglings to her grave. At her pyre I cried for the small child not yet outside their cradle that might never know if those that bore them love them.”

You take a steadying breath. Those wonders have long since passed.

“Perhaps it is better not knowing.”

The Senate is deadly silent to your face, but you know there are mute conversations happening in hand signals across the expansive chamber. Their auras betray even the slightest change of emotions. The colours shift and bleed into another as information is passed.

Seems like they have forgotten you can read them better than an open book.

“I know how many of you feel,” you keep a second-too-long break between the words with an emphasis, “about the Order’s practices around recruiting. The truth is the parents get a choice, having both options explained clearly as day. Give the child away so it may prosper as a part of the Order, with the promise that one day the child will be given a way to contact them, or keep the child and face the difficulties of a force-sensitive toddler reigning chaos.”

Expertly, the diplomatic skill taught at the temple made you slot a joke after threatening your audience in not-so-subtle ways. The clueless laugh. The knowing shudder.

You do not want to be seen as cruel. 

But if you aren’t, it leaves room for argument.

Next to you, Dogma checks his comm. 

The several months of being your guard didn’t change his face one bit. The v-shaped pattern fits well on his face, accentuated by the widow's peak he keeps his hair in. His eyes scan each individual senate-pod in his field of vision, then flick over to you. You have to remind yourself you’re in the force-damned Senate chamber in front of thousands of influential people to stop yourself from lovingly brushing a hand over his cheek.

His armour has been repainted in vibrant colours. The helmet is forgone entirely to show him being proud of being a clone. Jesse next to him is an even more stark reminder, with the republic cog tattooed onto his face.

The tactic is genius. You’ll have to thank Fives for coming up with that.

“The truth is, the vague feeling of my birth parents is no longer even a memory. Can one miss a vague shape in the back of your mind? When you can’t articulate yourself in childhood, maybe, but as an adult, it is but a shape you will gradually forget with age.”

“Clones, however, never had that shape. Many of us have a warm feeling as the first memory of our parents. Being held, coddled and even loved. But the clones didn’t get that luxury. Forgive me for being a cynic, but if you have a problem with the Order’s practices of child-kidnapping - as I heard many put it - why are you not fighting for the clones to have an equal privilege to childhood?”

Your voice rings powerful and accusatory through the full auditorium. You sweep your eyes over the people at your eye level and below, before solidly locking them where Bail Organa stands in his senator-pod. He sends a nod.

Dogma next to you makes a very quiet sound, pitched low just enough for you and only you to hear. He clicks his tongue once, then pauses, and then clicks again.

A signal for news from the Wolfpack. Thank the Force your speech and time at the proverbial stand is coming to an end.

The entire interaction takes no more than three seconds. An uncomfortable silence to marinate most careless Senators in the implications you’ve made.

“My childhood was cut short after the hostilities on Naboo. I had to undergo more rigorous saber training, even as an empath, someone attuned to the living Force around us. A shadow warrior - a Sith of a lineage long-lost - stole any ability to live as a simple aura reader diplomat.”

“And yet that’s not even a fraction of the cruelty and hardship an average clone trooper goes through in a third of the time. As soon as they walk, they are taught combat. They rapidly age, Corellian Hells, THE OLDEST CLONES ARE THIRTEEN YEARS OLD!”

Your frustration poured out into the air around you. This is the closest you have gotten to yelling and losing your cool since you walked out of the Court Chamber at Dogma’s trial. You have no doubt that at least some of the senators or their aides must have a fraction of force sensitivity, at least enough to glimpse the carefully-masked rage you don’t let the average person see.

You lock eyes with the Chancellor on his high seat, the senator-pod that hovers in the centre of the chamber.

You stare at him with intensity unknown to an individual outside of the Jedi Order. Memories flick through your vision, a slideshow of your frustrations at the Senate, frustration shared by the Jedi Council, by your father Plo, by the Clones that have welcomed you into their dysfunctional humongous family.

The Chancellor smiles.

The dinner after resembles a blur of colours too bright to be real.

You barely eat. The worry of poison and backstabbing are ever present, loom over your figure like a mountain. You prod at the force to give you readings of everyone around you, even if they are in your eyesight for a fraction of a second. 

The auras are overwhelming. Despite diplomats being taught to never let emotion show on their face, the different hues bleed into their body language.

One can only hide their true nature for so long, you suppose.

You’re sitting at the head of the table for dinner, the centre of attention as usual. As the minutes tick by, it’s become more and more likely that this will not end well. The jabs and replies thrown at one another have a sickly-sweet tone, with oleander-filled honey dripping as they fly at their target. 

 Dogma and Jesse stand behind you, each on one side as your guards. No matter how many times you try to convince them to eat with you, they insist.

“The life of a senator isn’t for me, but I still want to keep you safe” has been the reply from Jesse each time. Fives is just glad you never asked him, letting him instead stay at your apartment for these drab meetings disguised as dinners.

And your sweet Dogma would follow you to the ends of the Galaxy.

“I suppose if the children had more contact with their parents after getting accepted into the order, they would be able to form healthy attachments, as opposed to having no attachments altogether,” you say to a Nautolan representative sitting half across the table. 

She narrows her eyes and nods, pausing to eat a bite out of her meal. “A friend of mine lost her son to the Jedi three decades ago. She still wonders why he never contacted her.”

Dogma searches in his memory. The only nautolan jedi he has heard of is Kit Fisto. It would perhaps fit the description of a son lost thirty years ago. He stores it as something to ask you about.

A mikkian senator sitting to your left looks over at your plate. The longer the supper goes on, the more apparent it is that you are not touching your food. The senator, some generation or two older than you, looks you over a bit before lowering his voice, so that only you and (unintentionally) Dogma can make out his words.

“Deary, you have not touched your meal. I sure do hope this affair has not sullied your appetite.” He adds a smile at the end of his statement, as if to deepen the few wrinkles his face has to make himself the caring older relative.

Your attention snaps to his face briefly, enough to not notice one of his head-tendrils outside your field of vision to twitch in the general direction of your plate. Had Dogma not been inadvertently alerted to his figure, he wouldn’t have noticed the tiny amount of clear, water-like liquid that flew off the tip of his head-tendril and landed at the edge of your plate.

He reacts before his brain catches up to his eyes.

“Don’t eat that!”

His yell makes the entire table stop whatever they are doing to look at him. 

“The food is poisoned!”

His aura flashes red with swirls of white. The mix of danger.

Jesse sweeps the room over in less than a millisecond and directs his gaze at your food. Nothing seems out of the ordinary, but he trusts his brother with your safety above all. He takes a half-step closer towards the table.

You strategically stand up slowly and turn to Dogma. “How do you know?”

“The mikkian senator flicked some liquid into it with his head-tendril.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see the whole room shift. Colours turn muted and tinged with yellow, orange and black.

The aura of the person in question turns a stark black. Fear.

“Impossible! I have done no such thing, clone!” he barks out and gets to his feet abruptly, nearly throwing his chair back.

Jesse, who has so far been stone-cold, willing to not react unless necessary, calmly looks him boldly in his eyes, an act that would have had consequences if he was in the GAR.

“You should know that ambassador (Y/N) can tell if you’re lying,” his tone is even and calculated.

“Of course I know that! That’s because I’m not lying.”

The old man is adamant, even if his eyes widen a fraction.

Your eyes flick over the room and land on a tray in the corner, on a table reserved for decorational flowers.

The tray floats over as the uncomfortable silence settles over the room. Some of the dinner’s participants notice it and gasp, making the others stare in horror as the tray lands in front of you.

You vaguely feel the presence of three Coruscant Guards running down the hall. By the time you land a metal food cover over the plate, they slam the door of the dining room open. 

Jesse and Dogma exchange a nod and Dogma nods. Jesse walks out to meet one of the troopers to exchange words.  You barely hear the words they whisper, but “poison” and “food” must be at least a part of the conversation. Dogma stays right behind you with a hand on his blaster. You don’t even have to turn to feel his anxiousness.

On instinct, you reach out with the hand that isn’t holding the tray in the air to grip the senator by the wrist with the Force. You press harder and hear something drop to the floor, an item no longer held in an iron grip he had on it. The noises of protests fall upon your deaf ears.

A guard moves in to handcuff the old man, only to notice a blaster on the floor and feel resistance while he moves one of the wrists into the cuffs. The item he dropped.

Jesse, now returning to you, plucks the tray out of the air to bring it back to one of the clones.

You let go of the Force and feel a massive weight of exhaustion hit you. Tilting your hand back just a couple of centimetres is enough for Dogma to grip it tightly with the palm not on his weapon.

You look at the Coruscant Guard talking to Jesse. His aura is full of baby blue and camo green. Confusion and worry.

“Please, take the food with the plate for analysis. Don’t touch it or take it out of the cover unless you are in safe distance. I don’t know what it is,” you say slowly. The words coming out of you feel foreign and you have to push them out, too exhausted to expend any emotions into the tone.

Dogma squeezes your hand three times. An “I love you” for when you can’t speak.

When you leave the dinner behind and get into your personal speeder, you pass out from exhaustion.

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

[dimonds456]

Also are you doing okay?

I think so. I've got a therapist, and supportive friends. I'm slowly becoming more and more financially stable. One of my disabilities is going away, one I thought would be with me for life! I've even got a top surgery letter now, and we're working on getting a consultation with a surgeon!

But I'm also realizing how fucked everything is. Sorry, I kinda vented to you, but it's below the cut so you don't have to read it. Just, overall, I think I'm doing okay. I know I'll be alright. But fuck man it's hard to believe it sometimes, lmao.

I'm just also coming to realize how fucked up my childhood actually was. How fucked up the whole world is. How one person can singlehandedly make your life hell, and that just deciding to get away from them isn't enough.

It's been hard. On a personal level, I've been dealing with borderline abuse for the better part of 3 years, since I finally moved into my own apartment; once online, and twice IRL now. It's been every form of abuse except physical and sexual, but even then, I still felt physically unsafe around one of my abusers. Like he could have hurt me if he stayed around much longer.

The most latest example of it was my ex roommate, who had to be moved out of our place because of his screaming at us, throwing things, extreme beliefs, and illegal things like stealing money. And he still lives in this building, too, just not with us anymore. The new people who have to deal with him now actually just contacted us to ask us how tf we got rid of him, aha.

But even aside from that, on a more broad level, I've come to realize my own learned helplessness (the clinical term), trauma, and am struggling to come to terms with how true a lot of that stuff is.

I am helpless when it comes to ending an overseas "war" that I don't really have any stakes in anyway, aside from a moral one. I don't have family in Gaza, I don't know anyone there, but that shouldn't matter, y'know? It's still terrible, and I still can't help anyone there. No matter how loud we scream, the politicians are doing everything they can to drag their feet and are trying to get Israel to end it as fast as possible so people will just shut up about it already. They know we know, too, and are just trying to save face and it pisses me off. But what can I do about it? Not a whole lot!

I'm helpless when it comes to getting my family's acceptance of my own identity, or the constant misgendering at work, or the sexual harassment I keep getting from customers. Like, just today, two different guys offered to get me a pop or something, and my first instinct WASN'T to be like "oh thank you!" Instead, I raised my hackles in a "why are you being nice to me" way. That's not normal. It's a learned behavior and I don't know what to do about it.

I'm helpless to help my friend, who lives in an actively abusive household here in the States. Not mine, but within a day's drive of here if I got up early. We've called CPS, the cops, I've compiled a HUGE Google Doc of all the evidence we could find, I'm in touch with their sibling, I've straight-up TALKED to their abusive father (which was terrifying holy shit), and still NOTHING has changed. I think we're just gonna have to wait until they're old enough to move out, which fucking sucks.

I'm helpless to even help myself a lot of the time. My abusive relationships in the past have killed a lot of my creativity, energy, and overall positivity. I don't know if I'll ever really get it back.

But I'm doing what I can. I'm standing up for what's right in any way I can, I'm keeping tabs on my friend, I'm educating myself and diving into history, I'm trying to point my parents in the right directions, I'm trying to help my sibling from a distance, anything I can. I just feel like it isn't enough, y'know?

On the whole, I'm doing alright. And I'll be okay. But those bad days be hitting, lol.

[mrsjavierp]

Where You Belong?

Chapter 6 - Can't Remember to Forget You

Javier Peña x latin!f!reader

Summary: Running away from life as you always knew to start a new position as Head Chief on a DEA Office, far away, on Colombia. There, you'll face violence, as you never thought you could. There, you'll meet Javier Peña, your stubborn agent...

Warnings (to the whole fic): +18!, angst, smut, cheating, last relationships, drug dealing - Narcos Universe (not so accurate), bad spanish, english is my second language, use of Y/N and Y/LN. No physical description of the reader, only your clothes (sometimes). The POVs are shifting between reader (first person and Narrator - 3rd person)

(If I forgot anything, tell me, pls!)

Word Count: 1.7k

A/N: I'd love to know about you're thinking about it so far! Your opinion is really important! Tks <3 Btw, I'm tagging @pedrostories! Babe, let's show'em why we're so much in love for that man!

Obs: I tried to make a past x present situation, so, anytime you see something written like this, is present. If not, it's just Javi's memory about the night he won't (and can't) forget.

*

Narrator's POV:

"My title might be ambassador, but that's some bullshit politician's word. I know what it means to be on the front lines." - Crosby started.

The ambassador's words were just a sound in the conference room, because Javier's mind was far way, on days before, when he fucked you so hard, for so many hours, until morning...

That damn raining morning, he woke up alone, in his bed, only your forgotten panties left behind.

After Javier let you sit on his face, you went back to the apartment complex, to fuck the way both needed.

Truth be told, you didn't agree on your place, since you didn't want to keep reminding...

In vain, of course.

Your mind was always playing tricks on both of you: showing images of what happened.

Javier looked at you as an art piece, a perfect sculpture under his touch. You melted under him, you actually would let him do all and then some.

Oh, and he did… That was just the opening show.

"And everybody here in this room wants the same thing: to take down Escobar... Now, as a veteran of numerous conflicts, I learned one immutable truth:..." - Crosby continued.

Arriving at Javi's, it was nothing like you expected: as a matter of fact, was clean, organized, not even the rest of his cigarettes' were at its astray.

He couldn't look away, because he couldn't believe that he got into bed with you, his guilty desire, his hidden fantasy.

He undressed you again, hypnotized, as if he wanted to memorize every inch of your skin.

His hands were slow and steady on you.

He sat you down on his sofa, at first, opening your legs again.

"Are you gonna eat me again, Javier?" - you asked, as if you had any power over him. You didn't know, but you were in charge.

Well, mostly in charge.

"I am, cariño. I already miss your pretty little pussy wetting my face... You taste like fucking candy." - he responded, as his fingers touched your lips, avoiding your throbbing clitoris on porpuse. - "I wanna make you scream my name."

You moaned as he buried his face between your legs, licking as a thirsty man.

"The only way to be successful is by working together, by communicating, by sharing intelligence and collaborating. Understood?"

Javier was shaky. The moment to remember how it all started wasn’t that… 

You come undone again and again and one more time after that.

He made you squirt... You thought only your vibrator could do that.

"I probably ruined your sofa, Javi..."

"I don't care, cariño." - he responded, as one of his hands caressed your cheek and the other massaged your pussy, softly.

Javier was still fully dressed and the collar of his shirt was wet.

You squirted so hard it dripped to his neck.

"Javi, please... Let me touch you too." - you begged.

He took his hands off and got up while you were trying to catch your breath. Javier was deciding if you're going to be fucked on the sofa or on his bed...

Until Javier picked you up in his arms and took you to his room. You held him just like that day in the pool.

"Just to be formal, this is Y/N Y/LN, the DEA country attaché. She'll remain to take over all DEA operations in-country. Y/LN?"

He lay you on the bed, softly. His sheets were cold, probably from the breeze coming from the window... It will be raining soon.

Javier took off his clothes, as you sat down and looked at him too.

He was such a handsome man, with a beautiful body.

And, also, a big beautiful dick. Thick and hard... His head was already dripping precum.

Your mouth was watering to suck it. His cock throbbed as your hand went in his direction.

"Can I, Javi?" - I asked.

"Can you what, cariño? I need you to be crystal clear."

"Can I suck your dick, Javi?" - your voice barely came out.

"Yes, cariño. Please, show me how you're thankful to your obedient soldier." - he responded.

You could feel the arrogance in his tone... But you were too much athirst for it. In your fantasies, you came while doing a blowjob.

"Thank you, ambassador. The DEA will be opening field offices in Cali, Cartagena and Barranquilla. As far as the Medellín team is concerned, we will continue to be housed out of CNP headquarters until further notice. But only after some personnel changes have been made."

At that moment, he hated your voice. He hated how you could act like nothing happened... But it did! He wasn't crazy... He missed you so badly.

He even missed hearing you coming next door...

You never sucked someone so hard. His hands held your hair, getting it out of the way for you.

Your tongue licking in a way he never felt so wanted. His veins were bulging. He even invaded your throat a little, but you didn't even gasp.

Javier noticed and would use it later...

"F-fuck, cariño... Such a good girl for me. "

A few moments after, he begged:

"Cariño, stop. Please. I need to be inside of you."

You obey, this time. You needed Javier too...

"All right, now as far as long-term intelligence is concerned, that's under the purview of the CIA, the station chief, Bill Stechner. Bill, you have anything you'd like to add?"

"I'm good."

He positioned on your entrance, his dick aching.

"Look at me, cariño. Look at me as I get in for the first time."

His eyes locked on yours. You weren't able to look away.

He shoved his dick inside of you, inch by inch, until he was all in... Literally.

"Cariño, you're so tight, so wet... O-o-oh fuck..."

"All right, who's here from Centra Spike?"

"Sir, I am. Edward Jacoby."

"All right, let's get Centra Spike back in the air immediately. I want to know every word these assholes say and all the information flows through me and I will disseminate as I see fit." 

You moan, resistant to say his name. You don't want to give this kind of power to Javier.

And he knows it and he'll push it until you say.

Javier took his dick out suddenly, flipped you, so your belly could touch the mattress, and got on top of you again.

His big body covered yours, his skin was just as hot as yours. His hand fondles your back, chilling you. You shivered.

"You can say my name again, cariño, you know, right?" - he pushed inside of you again. - "Don't make me be mean when I know you can be such a good girl."

"Yes, sir." - Jacoby responded.

Your pussy clenched around him, you moaned badly… You could feel his prase in your gut.

"Oh, fuck, cariño..."- Javier held your waist. - "I know you can be louder. Go ahead, show me." - he kissed your neck, leaving a mark.

Pendejo, you thought.

"Oh God, Javier, are you trying to kill me?" -

You finally managed to respond. - "I'm going to come, oh fuck!"

He pulled your hair, turning your face to him, but your eyes were closed.

"Open your eyes, cariño... I'll let you come as long as you look at me."

You open your eyes and then practically scream his name. You can feel his cock throbbing inside.

"Where do you want me, cariño?"

"I-i-inside, Javi..."

You both shared an orgasm as he held your hair to look at your face.

Javier Peña could swear that nothing was prettier than seeing you come.

The prettiest thing he ever saw in his entire life.

You sighted and he still held you close. He'd never let you go again.

"Oh, Javi... I can't believe it happened..." - You confessed, with your eyes closed. You couldn't look at him just yet.

"Look at me, preciosa."

"I can't. I'll wake up and you won't be here." - your voice was low, in pain.

"Please, look at me." - slowly, you opened your eyes. Your fantasy came true. Javier smiled.

Javier and you shared an intimate glance.

Oh fuck...

"When Escobar sticks his fucking head out, we're gonna nail that son of a bitch. Dismissed all."

*

Finishing the meeting, you and Javier leave the embassy at the same, talking about Steve:

"What about him? Other than the fact that he wasn't here today, Peña?"

"Well, I suggested that he stay home. You mentioned making some changes... What exactly does that mean?"

You look at him, without any emotion:

"It means I'm making some changes."

"You know Murphy is a good agent. He's done a lot of good work down here."

You rolled your eyes.

"Yeah! I know!" - you said, pissed. You took a file out of your briefcase and showed it to Javier. - "Looks like he almost threw it all out the window."

Javier examined the papers showing Steve in a mugshot and the police report. He took a deep breath, without an answer.

"Do you have any idea the strings that were pulled to get that Wall Street pendejo not to press charges?"

"Sounds to me like the guy would've had a dog sniffing up his ass before he got on the plane... Maybe Steve did him a favor." - his hands were on his waist, his foot tapping and his tone was condescending.

You snorted.

"Was that a 'thank you'? Be straight to me, Peña, and I'll be straight with you. I don't need Steve... Not like that. You know it."

Another breath taken.

"Cariño..."

"No, Peña. Y/LN or jefe."

"We've been here longer than you, you've been down here like... Two hours?"

You chose to ignore the offense.

"It may not make the front page, but you know Steve and all he has done. He's a good man. He's going through some shit right now... You know he was at the airport to try to stop Connie and Olivia from leaving to Miami. He didn't make it... Add that to watching Escobar build a 5 star prison and making the colombian army look like a joke, by walking out the back door."

You both shared a look. His puppy brown eyes were begging, you could feel it. Begging for what, was the question.

"We all deserve to see this through... Jefe."

You just left him. Again.

You had a lot to do with the changes and new offices.

Next

[motherofblurbs]

I haven't always been proud of who I am.

I was, once upon a time, a product of my environment. An angry teenager looking to be accepted; therefore willing to maroon anyone just to make someone laugh.

A clueless shell of a person, who grew up in a town that would hold a nazi rally downtown mere months after I left the school system.

I was malleable, I was impressionable, I was in need of acceptance. My white peers used slurs in passing and so did I; for I had no better knowledge.

I was scared and new to exploring my sexuality while condemning those who wore it proudly to hell; for I had no better examples.

My own father had told me if I ever ended up 'being gay' I would have to move out. I would never be allowed at family gatherings, because my queerness demoted me from family to scum.

Above all, my sexuality was contagious. The thought of it seeping into the bodies of my impressionable & innocent family seemed like an unnecessary disaster that I wanted to avoid. So I kept it to myself.

The same man who claimed to love me, who claimed the want to support me through it all, laughed in my face when I told him I thought I was depressed. In fact, he urged me to read the bible; because that was the solution and not therapy and certainly not medication.

Medication makes you weak, I learned. It means you are so heavily controlled by your emotions that you must take the easy way out. A pill to fix all of your problems? That's not real.

For many years, I rejected who I really was and mimicked the behavior of those I loved and trusted most.

I supported hateful ideals, cruel legislation and cheered when 'liberal' politicians lost their lead in the polls.

How could I not? Those who stroked my hair and assured me they would love me always, they told me there was no other way. This was the right way. This is what God intended.

Then in the light of my conscious growing legs and beginning it's first wobbly steps, I transformed. I was no longer my father's daughter, I was a rebel.

I was no longer the sweet and kind girl they had grown to know and love, I was a villain.

"How could I go to hell?" I thought. I wasn't a bad person. I was still kind and sweet, I just also loved women. That condemns me to hell?

Who I choose to spend the rest of my life with, takes away everything else I am made of. The heart, the emotions, the resilience, and the mind were all lost in the translation because of a simple bible verse.

To my family's horror, I didn't just stop at being gay. I also excluded certain words from my vocabulary.

Strange, something that seemed so minor to me, would become a major conflict in my interpersonal relationships at just sixteen years of age.

I was the constant talk at dinner, I was relentlessly pushed into a metaphorical corner for refusing to call fellow human beings degrading and offensive names.

"When did you become so sensitive?"

Fuck you, I'm not sensitive, I just care. I care about others, I care about what words matter even if they don't matter to me. I wanted to scream and toss the main course on the floor in retaliation.

Yet, I didn't want to feed the narrative, that I was now a warrior for all things 'politically correct'. So I did my best to take it on the chin. In hopes that one day, my family would simply see what I did.

Except, they didn't. That same hatred that was reserved for people outside of our family, was now directed at me.

My empathy kept growing in the opposite direction of my hometown. I was steadily heading to the point of no return, in more ways than one.

At the same time that my empathy grew for strangers, a resentment built for my loved ones.

How can you pride yourself in being loving, and reject your love for me, because of what I stand for?

Most of all, how dare you call yourself loving, when you are clearly so very hateful.

Then it all came full circle. All of those times that a slur slipped from my lips in ignorance, or all of those times I 'disagreed' with someone's 'lifestyle' had come back for my adolescence with a vengeance.

I was now the subject of hate from my house made of love.

But at least, now, I am proud.

[bibbykins]

Yo, I hope you're good and feel free to answer this whenever coz I feel like world's working against us and just dumping anything to not let us rest (with that said, my university is currently speed running it's way to finals, bro we only had like 2 fucking weeks after our prelims and then bam. 3 am here and at 11, my first exam starts :)

With that said, I'm thirsty for some toxic fiction. In silhouetted bonds, if things didn't work the way Namjoon wanted it to be, what would change? What would happen? Like I'm imagining the mc still agreeing to the plea and going back to that place but I'm imagining her that within two months, she'll suddenly ask to visit him and say that he can do whatever he wants, he can get his pricey attorney whatever, but she's done and that she wish that he'd live a happy life away from her then walk out.

Thanks for indulging me miss ma'am. 🥴😘

Ugh literally you're so right😩 im slowly finishing the other stuff I need to finish to free up some writing time and I'm like vibrating with excitement lmao! I hope things slow down for you too!! And good luck on your exams pls get some rest or promise yourself an immaculate nap after!!!

Also LMAO toxic fiction is just fun to read so I get it! First off, very bold to assume SB!MC would wish him a good life, she is violently vengeful on a good day, buuut her not falling in love with him was a very real possibility for them. If Namjoon hadn't thought of every possible word to say and every possible way she'd react and absolutely fumbled, here's how it would go down:

-He'd take a deep breathe, silence would fill the air until he speaks, "Fine. I'll never force you into anything. I'll leave you alone." They bargain back and forth until he's promised to not meddle in her life more than once. He gets one chance to make an impact on her and that's it. It all ends with him saying a simple, "You know I'll always love you, right?"

-Namjoon would, as a result of the plea bargain not being held up, get out of prison almost immediately

-And then.... nothing.

-A year, maybe two, would go by. Enough time for MC to start to feel comfortable in living life again. She might even make some friends from work, maybe even go on a date here and there because it's been nothing but crickets from Namjoon.

-She would be partially disappointed (bc she's also p unhinged) that he didn't love her as much as she said, but either way, she would move on and get a really great job as an editor for a popular newsite

-Then, only when the time is right, only when she's really found a friend that she loves, only when she's found a friend group both in and out of work that bring her joy, only when she feels like she's found a real life of her own to lead, all hell breaks loose.

-She wakes up on a Monday way earlier than usual because her phone is buzzing like crazy. Something's... wrong.

-That friend she loves so dearly? Hates her now. Their partner is lying and saying MC came onto them, and her friend believes them.

-There's nothing else MC can say, she's blocked before she can get a word in, and everyone else in the friend group feel the same. After all, she never talks about her past, how do they know anything she's said is the truth?

-She had no choice but to face them at work- well, what was her work afterall.

-Turns out, the other slew of texts were that her huge newsite company is filled to the brim with corruption. All around MC she's seen CEOs and politicians drop like flies, she knew something was going on but didn't know what, and she had hoped her workplace reporting on all these scandals just might be safe.

-Protestors scream at her and employees trailing behind her as they walk in to work. Not that she's met with anymore warmth inside with her fellow coworker friends turning their back to her.

-Her whole life in one morning and one haphazard meeting, has fallen apart. The higher-ups want her to lie, to sign off on blatant lies, to pretend nothing is wrong, but she can't. Of course, her coworkers have no problem with it. She's the only fool who walks out of the building.

-She's alone, jobless, and lost in a city that knows her better than she knows it. Once again. All of a sudden, she's 18 again. All by herself, betrayed by the people she cherished.

-A couple months go by and she can't find a job in her industry. She's been predictably black listed after writing an op-ed for a rival paper about the corruption at her old newsite. The hype for that story came abd went and now she's on her way to look at a new, cheaper, apartment to live in when she bumps into... him

-Namjoon looks her up and down, genuine surprise on his face as he greets her with a shy smile on his face.

-He insists on walking her to wherever she's going and well, in her fragile state of solitude, it's like no time has passed at all.

-The pieces fall into place pretty quickly and in no time, she's right where she should've always been. Right by his side, as his Queen.

-He doesn't lie to her when he says the only thing he did in their time apart was ensure she got an interview the first job she applied for... He decides to omit the fact that he knew it was only a matter of time before that corrupt newsite was going to suffer from the change to his leadership. He decides to omit the fact that he knew you were going to be placed on a team with a ton of liars with their own baggage. He decides to onit that fact that he was only genuinely surprised when he saw you again because he didn't expect everything to fall into place so soon 💖

The end lmao I hope this made sense???? Idk im a mess and all the couples I write are too 🤪 Thank you for the ask and good luck again!!!!!

[todayisafridaynight]

Tsuma is an INSANE one to start on but also a fantastic one... I think my first was SP so it's so funny we've "traded" those specific shows lmao BUT YEAH. YEAH. I BELIEVE YOU. I'M GONNA BE NORMAL ABOUT KEISUKE BUT NOT ANYTIME SOON. Tsutsumi's Princess Peach lips every time Maida squishes his face 😭😭😭😭😭

The moment outside the school basically condenses everything about the show for me it's so perfect and cute but I'm INTERNALLY SCREAMING AT ALL OF THIS BEING SAID OUT LOUD... PLEASE... YOU'RE GOING TO END UP ANOTHER IMPRISONED TSUTSUMI... He really is SUCH a malewife though that's what destroyed me frame one... especially because he's really similar to how Tsutsumi talks about himself so like perfect casting I hope he had fun with the role... Definitely continuing when I can are you kiddinggggg

Well Hopefully You Still Think AtR's Cute And/Or Sweet Wherever You're At Now So The Rest Of This Isn't Embarrassing LGSKFJLGJ BUT YEAH... YEAH... I'm aro myself so all that's Complicated right, and definitely something I tried to consider when Sorta-Not-Really-Recommending, but it's good to hear it can be entertaining even without being able to relate :']

THAT COULD'VE GONE /WAY/ SOUTH AT THE PANEL but I'm glad everyone made it out unharmed😭😭😭BUT YEAH... at the end of the Ohashi arc when Ogata threw all his stuff off the desk and the gang just wordlessly put it back for him 'cause that's all they can do... ough. Momence. That's why it was so sick watching everything fall into place [temporarily]. Also appreciate the Jo-ism in doing all the dirty work for a politician in the family and wanting to be stopped without saying it upfront and uhhhhh being fine with dying and/or going to prison LMAO

OH BUT NO PROB it is always tradition for me to send the translated letter once I've indoctrinated someone new :] funny thing is every single version I've sent is different because I've been editing it to this day

AGAIN i chose tsuma cause the title was Utterly Insane and i just had to see for myself what the fuck was going on and im so glad i did... funny that we did trade first-watches (and fun that i get 'my own version' of ogata's letter lmao) :)

BUT YEAHYEAH keisuke's adorable.. like genuinely i think he's tsutsumi's cutest role ive seen so far its hard for me to imagine one topping it in regards to how endearing he is (❁´◡`❁) keisuke being so enamored by his wife but being So Blind To How Things Look is genuinely super funny. like poor guy really is just super happy to have his wife back in a way but not yk (╯▽╰;;; )

Horribly i think of okita from that Taboo movie when it comes to consuming media: even if i dont personally have that experience or understand 100%, i can still appreciate a good story and characters (im paraphrasing SO hard and with less homophobia </3), so if you got anythin good throw it my way anytime ♪(´▽｀) !! i'm about to start episode eight in a bit but NO WORRIES i still very much am a fan of the show !! and im sad/excited to see im almost done with it ( sad its almost over, but also SUPER interested to see how everything comes together in the end (☆▽☆) )

[radiotoradz]

February 25th

No, she is not who you think she is. The name was far more popular than you expected. Also, when I write this is Bulgaria's 49th government election day. I voted. So, here is how I see life back in the first years of change (after 1989). Since I know a good deal of information about it.

Maybe someone will see left hints or dedications here and there...Good for you.

The thing is filled with drunk insults and beating.

Please be sure to proceed with caution.

*imagine here is a whole birthday divorce arc, guys. I am lazy writing it twice.*

— Motherfucking politicians! Look at them. Promises aplenty, but nothing is done! I wish to shoot them all off with the AK from the military. That's all they deserve. They will fuck up the next generations to come!

— Shut up! You will wake up the kid, idiot!

— Ugh, fine. I was there last year. Reporting people. And now!? I have to feed 3 mouths, with mine - 4. And to work on 3 places at the same time. This is a nightmare I will never wake up from.

— Now is not the time to complain. Did you even vote?

— Who gives a fuck about that, Petya!

— I do...but...actually, I don't.

The following silence from her husband's side frustrated Petya. Mother of two, her situation was not good either. She also wanted to work, leaving her two children at kindergarten and daycare, but her husband did not allow her to. Before they had their second son, both were voting together. But now, something was different. This was not the same guy she met at university.

The man switched off the television, attempting not to look even more pissed off at the empty-headed people that must be shot. He went to the kitchen and got himself a beer, then to the balcony to smoke.

It was a rare occasion. He - at home, sans responsibilities, having time to kill. That worried him. One of his jobs was at a newspaper, writing and editing news, but no one called him today. The other job was during a whole different season of the year.

— Why did you not take the kids out today? — no response. — I am asking you something! Are you even listening to me?! Hey!

— WHAT!

— I asked you something.

— Is it about voting again? I told you not to bother me.

— You did not tell me such a — she sighed in frustration — and it is about the children. Do you care for them at all? I wanted you to take them on a walk, buy them a toy, feed them...I don't know, I wanted you to care! All you did was scream at the television today and you woke the little one up! How could you!? — the teary eyes and red face made her sullen but she wanted to continue this argument.

— Ah, stubborn like always. Look, if I didn't care...then why would I still be in this hellhole?

— THIS IS A HELLHOLE!? ALL I DO IS A HELLHOLE? MY LOVE???? AND THE CHILDREN'S TOO??! ARE YOU OUT OF YO-

He slapped her. Silence prevailed. Petya was dumbfounded by the sudden slap in her face. Her mind was filled with unspoken words and curses to her beloved. This adrenaline boost made her forget the pain but...

— Mommy!! Little bwotha...is cwying. Mommy, you are cwying too??

— Mommy needs a break, let me come and help your brother. Let's go. - said the father, grinning at the 4-year-old in front of him. — What a good boy you are! Helping your brother!

Petya did not even comment. She could not comment. Why should she? Is it not better to stay quiet and do her housework while he brings the money. Maybe this is how life will be.

— Alright, little warrior, why were you crying?

— Mommy and you were sceeeming loud.

— Ah, were we that loud...geez. We...were just talking. But...

— No, daddy, You were not. She never shouts like that. When she cooks, cleans and plays with us. She is so happy. We love mommy. — said the younger one and hugged the older one.

— Fuck... — he cursed under his breath. — I apologise.

— For what, daddy? — asked the older one. — did you do something wrong?

— Nevermind. It is getting late, you should both go to sleep.

He proceeded to exit the room.

— Daddy! Read us or tell us a tale. Please.

— Alright...let me see...Andersen, Grimm...ugh, I will just think of one. Here we go. Once upon a time, there was a little farmer, who had a favourite bull. It was one of the few bulls in the village, actually. So, this little boy loved this big animal that grew up with him. When he was 5 or 6, he saw it getting born. And the parents, the farmers who had at least a hundred cows felt like this bull is truly something. So, they let their son feed it and the animal began to follow him everywhere.

— Even at school?

— Even at school.

[queerbuckleys]

Hey how are you doing

oh anon....that is truly a complicted question... long story short..im fine. generally. im alive. i have a roof over my head. food. and a cuddly cat whom i love.

and this is where i am going to get brutally honest. tw for gun violence (nothing explicit just a mention of recent events) this is by no means a comprehensive complete list of everything, just the most prominent on my mind rn.

the real answer is that i am constantly conflicted.

constantly feeling more and more helpless, angry, frustrated, and confused. i am watching the world and the country I live in only get scarier and scarier. whether it is seeing my friend in turkey continually beg for attention toward the destruction that their home has faced in the wake of a devastating earthquake. to watching as politicians claim to protect children by banning drag shows and eliminating reproductive and gender affirming medical care all the while doing NOTHING as three 9 year olds, and administrators, were shot in school this week. another on a list that is too fucking long. and I sat in my cubicle today and listened to one of my co-workers brag about how many AR-15s and AR-10s he owns (yes, plural), and how he got on a waitlist for something that bypasses "loopholes" and call one of our magazine restriction laws stupid and annoying. and i am supposed to sit there and care about processing payments. i dont. i really fucking dont. but i do it anyway. this is the space in which i am not seen, and i do not let myself be seen because i truly do not give a fuck if i get she/her d all day, called girl, and miss, ma'am on the phone because i do not care and i do not correct them because i do not care about the space we are holding together. i correct when i care. and i dont at work. it's also a safety measure. but despite this, it still wracks me to my core some days, hollows me out and makes me bleed, and want to scream because i feel as though i am losing myself, the self that i spent years finding and healing, because i am spending a majority of my time in what feels like hiding and i hate it. i really do. i crave to loud and comfortable again. so yeah, i wanna quit my job. because i dont feel safe or seen. and wanting to quit makes me feel like i am failing. so yeah... maybe im not fine. or im as fine as i can be right now.

[caker-baker]

Reunion

It was only after Civilian kicked off their shoes did they notice something was wrong - the dishes were done.

That would be less concerning if they didn’t live alone, thus the circumstance required the civilian be on high alert.

They listened, first for the regular silence, next for the silence that was trying too hard. The try hard silence was coming from the bedroom.

Shoes came off next, socks and wood floors quieting the otherwise loud footsteps.

Last was the weapon. A gift from their family before moving out, just one of the handguns they were familiar with.

They hesitated only slightly when shoving the door open, a movement that gave Supervillain too much time to swing forward and knock the gun away.

“Jesus Christ, mom!”

“Sorry, sweetheart, but you should know not to sneak up on me. I could have seriously hurt you!” Supervillain squeezed Civilian’s arms before pulling them into a hug. “Excellent, by the way, I wouldn’t have seen you coming if you hadn’t drew back.”

“Nice to see you, too. Did you do my dishes?”

Supervillain pulled away, face scrunched. “They were piling up! What if a guest had popped over?”

“Ah. You mean someone like my mother, who couldn’t just,” the civilian breathed. “call?”

“You never answer these days, sweetheart. What am I supposed to do?”

“I’ve been busy.” They muttered, going for their closet. “Two new patients.”

“Goodness, you know how easy it would be just to,” She hummed. “You know?”

“Did you rearrange my closet?”

“It was a mess. You can hardly blame me.”

The civilian groaned, a noise not far off from a strangled scream, stripping off their coat.

“I’m grown.” They reminded her, placing the coat on a hanger. “My life isn’t going to fall apart if the closet’s unorganized or I leave dishes in the sink. I’ll get to them.”

“No one will blame you if you’re having trouble adjusting. You could still have a house full of employees. It would be so easy for you.”

The civilian gave their mother a pointed look. “And would they be employees? Or just someone under my command?”

“Same difference, honey. Most people don’t recognize it.”

“That’s not-” the civilian held out flexed hands. “Argh! I don’t like doing that anymore. You said you respected my choice. It’s bad enough having my own brother harping on me for leaving the business. He hates me, you know that?”

Their mom, to her credit, was sympathetic. “Oh, he doesn’t hate you. You just used to look up to him, and you had so much potential to take my place. He doesn’t get losing his sibling to something so…”

The civilian’s lip curled. “Helpful?”

“Mundane.”

They took another collected breath. “It’s been lovely, mom, but I think it’s time for you to go. I have dinner plans.”

“About that,” She smiled. “One of my cabarets is hosting a few of those new hotshot politicians.”

“Stop it.”

“Normally, I would ask your father or your brother, but your parents are getting old,” she laughed, as if it was a secret. “And your brother’s brute strength can only get so far with interrogations tactics.

“Mom.”

She continued. “You always had so much fun performing! It was quick and easy, one little song, and they were leaking their biggest secrets, pain free.”

“Back off.”

A firm hand wrapped around the civilian’s shoulder. “You could bring whoever you have dinner plans with. Find out everything you need to know about them.” Her hand tightened. “Even if I already did.”

“You can’t manipulate me.”

That perfectly placed smile reappeared. “I really need this night to go smoothly, sweetheart. I’ve got big things in the works. You think I wouldn’t plan ahead for my child to do their part?”

“I don’t have a part in this.”

“Don’t you want your date to be safe? I would hate for something to happen to one of your few romantic interests.”

“You wouldn’t.” The civilian ripped away from the Supervillain’s grip. “What did you do?”

“Oh, nothing yet, honey, and hopefully I won’t have to do anything. They seem lovely. Completely smitten with you. Though, I worry they won’t be able to challenge you. I mean, they’re a bookstore manager, you’re a doctor.”

The civilian’s eyes were wide. “That’s enough. I get it.”

“I know you do.” She tilted her head, examining. “Siren Song is such a lovely gift, dear. One day you’ll see.”

The supervillain readied to take her leave, from the window of the civilian’s bedroom. “By the way, your brother is absolutely ecstatic to see you again, and your father’s looking forward to meeting this suitor.”

“Welcome back to the business, darling.”

[themayforce]

Pretty in Pink - Part 2

Link to part 1

Summary: After the events down on the planet, you're not sure how to talk to Rex about it. But luckily, Fives and Echo are here to help.

Description: Things get steamy again in this one. Afab!Reader (no gendered language), foursome, double (or i guess triple) penetration (in both holes), unprotected sex (wrap it up fellas), some degradation, and a little bit of spanking

Rating: 18+ explicit

Pairings: Rex+Fives+Echo/Reader

Words: 7481 (literally i only just found out about this word count and uhhhh i don't know how this happened)

There aren’t enough hours in a day for all the work you have to get done. Since getting back to Coruscant, it's like you've been stuck in an endless meeting with every possible senator, advisor, administrator, or whatever title these politicians had chosen to use. The first few meetings had been important, but soon you had no real part in the discussions anymore and you just watched from the back of the room, exhausted.

It doesn't help that events from a certain planet keep replaying in your mind like a holovid stuck on a loop, glitching and catching on moments and phrases you should not be thinking about in the middle of a meeting room. The heat in your face and your anxiety about it make you even more tired, and after a week of these negotiations you're very glad when you can finally get home before dark for once.

The lights in your apartment automatically switch on when you open the door. The soft pink and orange hues from the sunset outside drape over your living room like a blanket and you spend a few minutes just looking out the window, admiring the view over the city, something you didn’t take as much time for as you should.

No matter how hard you try, it’s impossible to empty your mind these days. Your little … adventure with your three clone friends left its marks on you, both emotionally and physically. They’re fading now, but every time you see yourself in the mirror before showering they jump out at you: two rows of bruises on either side of your hips, unmistakably finger shaped. Rex’s handiwork. And the worst part is that it turns you on more than you’d ever care to admit.

You haven’t spoken to Rex at all since flying back on the shuttle. He had been in two of the same meetings as you, sure, but only awkward glances were exchanged, no words. It bothers you, having these feelings fester inside you, but you have no idea how to approach the subject. If you send him a comlink message, what are you even supposed to say? ‘Hey Captain, I think we should discuss how you fucked my kriffing brains out and then pretended it never happened?’

The day after you got back, Fives and Echo had been waiting for you after your checkup in the medbay, bless their hearts. You had all agreed to leave out the specifics of what had happened in your official reports, but a warning had been attached to that planet’s datalog. Avoid the pink flowers: toxic to most humanoids. With those two guys, you can laugh about it now, and you’re grateful for it. Fives seems more relaxed around you, more open. You haven’t forgotten that he called you beautiful, that he held your hand and brushed the hair out of your face. You see the way he looks at you, and it melts you, the way a hot cup of caf on a cold day does. But you just can’t seem to examine your feelings about Fives, not while Rex’s fire burns inside you so vigorously.

If you don’t talk to him soon, you probably never will, and you’re not sure you can take that. You get a glass of water from the kitchen and down it in one go before laying down on your couch, comlink in hand.

Should you call him? Leave him a holo message? Or just a text message? He’s probably very busy, probably doesn’t even have time to meet with you, but there’s no way you can talk it out over the com. The little device feels heavy in your hand as you type out the message ‘Can we talk?’, and your thumb hovers over the send button. What if he says no? Or just doesn’t reply? What if he’s trying to forget what happened, and bringing it up will just anger him? But he’d called you perfect, had fucked you like a man possessed. You look like such a good little whore. Those words won’t stop echoing in your mind.

You press your face into a throw pillow and groan. “Stupid clones,” you mutter to yourself. “Stupid, sexy clones.”

It’s only when the buzzer to your front door wakes you up that you notice you had dozed off in the first place. Quickly, you smooth out your clothes and flip the throw pillow over with the drool-stained side down. You're not expecting any guests -- you were too tired to make plans this week -- so you're frowning when you open the door.

Your frown turns into a surprised smile when you see Fives and Echo standing in front of you. Their helmets are tucked under their arm, and Fives is holding a bottle of something that looks like alcohol, while Echo has a plain white box in his hands.

"Hey there, sunshine," Fives says with a sheepish grin that nestles itself in your heart.

"Guys! What's all this?"

“Hope this isn’t a bad time,” Fives starts, but Echo interrupts him.

“Fives wanted to-” A sharp look from his friend makes him rephrase his sentence. “Fives and I wanted to check up on you.”

“We saw you in one of the meeting rooms today, and you looked tired, so- oh, not that you look bad, you still look great, just-” You laugh, and that puts Fives at ease. He smiles back at you.

“You’re really too sweet. Please, come in.”

You step aside to let your friends into your home, both of them still wearing their armor. They must have come here right after their shift, and it warms your heart that they chose to see you instead of getting their well-earned rest.

“Brought you something,” Fives says, handing you the bottle he’s holding. “Thought you might like a drink.” It‘s a familiar bottle to you, the most common type of Corellian Red on the market, and one of your favorites, which Fives remembered.

“Aw, you shouldn’t have. But you’re absolutely right. I could really use a drink.”

Echo’s white box happens to be the best kind of box: a cake box, and time flies by while the three of you eat cake and empty the wine bottle. It’s nice, really nice, to just hang out like this. Despite the unspoken truth between you and Fives, it doesn’t feel awkward -- instead it draws something giddy and flirtatious out of you, though that may be in part due to the wine. One third of a bottle isn’t enough to get you drunk, but it’s definitely enough to get you tipsy, and soon enough you have your legs in Fives’ lap on the couch. He rubs circles on your calves with his thumb. He blushes. Echo laughs. The whole thing is adorable.

For the second time tonight, the buzzer of the front door interrupts you. This time, aided by the buzz of alcohol, you’re a lot more relaxed as you make your way across the room, glass in hand. There’s music playing from a concert on your holoscreen -- you don’t know the song or the singer, but the rhythm puts a spring in your step and there’s a smile on your face when you open the door.

Your expression shifts to one of open-mouthed confusion when you are met with another set of blue and white plastoid armor, worn by the man you so desperately wanted to talk to earlier today. And that's not all -- clutched in Rex's hands is a beautiful bouquet of yellow and white flowers, perfectly arranged like it's come straight out of a holo-ad for one of those high-end florists from Naboo.

You're speechless. Absolutely floored. Not just by the fact that Captain Rex brought you flowers, but that he decided to do this now, tonight, after ignoring you for over a week and- oh no. Did you accidentally send that comlink message? Is that why he's here? You would never even have considered sending it if you knew you'd have company tonight, but Rex doesn't know that and now he's here and so are Fives and Echo and every possible explanation you can give will bring trouble.

Blood rushes to your head as you try to think of something to say, but Fives and Echo beat you to it.

"Captain!" they exclaim in almost perfect unison while they jump up from their seats.

"Captain…" you repeat, at a loss for any other words. "I- I wasn't expecting-" You can't finish your sentence. Rex looks like he's going through all stages of grief simultaneously -- jaw tightening, brows furrowing, while his gaze darts between you and the clones behind you.

"I'll come back another time."

“No!” you say before you can stop yourself, “I mean, you’re welcome to come have a drink?” It’s embarrassing, the sheepish way you’re smiling at him, but he did just bring you flowers.

“Are those for me?” you ask, gesturing at the bouquet. Rex looks at the flowers like he had temporarily forgotten he was holding them, then hands them over to you.

“Yes. I hope you uh,” he hesitates, “are feeling better.”

“I am, thank you.”

This is unbearable. You want to scream, to either pull him inside or slam the door in his face, anything to make this painful situation end. You can feel Fives’ eyes burn into you from behind you, knowing that you have to explain why his kriffing Captain is bringing you flowers, when you can’t even explain it to yourself.

“So do you w-” you begin to invite Rex inside, pointing your thumb towards the living room, but he starts speaking at the same time.

“I’ll talk to you later. Goodnight. Troopers.”

With a curt nod and a sharp turn, he marches down the walkway, away from you.

You rush over to the low table next to your couch where you left your comlink and after you lay the bouquet down you check your message history. The words ‘Can we talk’ are still blinking up at you from the bottom of the display, unsent. The whole thing was a kriffing coincidence.

“So,” Echo says, pressing a button on the holoscreen to mute it, “what just happened?”

You groan as you let yourself drop down on the couch. Fives sits back down next to you, but his posture isn’t as relaxed as it was a few minutes ago.

“I don’t know if I should talk about it,” you say softly, burying your face in your hands.

"He …" Fives sighs deeply and turns his body towards you. "He also got involved back on that planet, didn't he?"

You nod without looking up. No point in lying about it now, and besides, it was Rex who decided to be weird about the whole thing.

"Said so, didn't I?" Echo says.

"Kriff, yeah, you were right. I really must've slept through it."

Now you sit up, bouncing your gaze between the two of them. “You knew?” you ask, confused.

“Not for sure,” Echo replies, “I stepped away for half an hour or so to fix the transmitter. But something was different about the Captain when I got back.”

Yeah, you could say that. It would’ve been a lot easier if he hadn’t been so secretive about the whole thing.

"I wanted to talk to him about it, but I thought he was avoiding me… Well, until-"

"Until he showed up unannounced at your apartment with flowers," Fives interrupts. There’s a small grin on his face as he shakes his head. "Stars, he's hopeless. We should give him some pointers."

Pointers? He wants Rex to be, what? Better at courting you?

“Wait… I thought-”

“I’d be jealous? Eh, a little, I can’t deny that. But one thing you need to know about clones,” Fives says with a knowing look to Echo, “is that we’re very good at sharing.”

His words make your face burn, your cheeks feel like the twin suns of Tatooine with how hot they are, and your breath hitches in your throat.

Echo chuckles at your reaction and moves to sit down on the couch as well. Stars, why was it making you so flustered to be sandwiched between the two of them?

“Fives was right. You really are cute when you get nervous.”

“I’m always right,” Fives jokes in return, “but more importantly…” He leans over and gently presses his thumb and index finger against your chin, turning your head to look at him. “Would you like that, sunshine? The three of us sharing you?” His thumb now grazes over your bottom lip. If he keeps this up, you might forget how to speak. Or forget your own kriffing name.

“Y-yes,” you whisper.

“Good.” He holds your gaze lovingly, his eyes darting down to your bottom lip. You’re hoping he might kiss you, but then he takes his hand away and smiles slightly.

“Better ask the Captain to come back, then.”

You fumble with your comlink and almost drop it while you type your new message to Rex. ‘Please come back. We want to talk to you.’ That’s the line you all agreed upon.

“While we wait…” Echo leans closer to you and lowers his voice. “Fives here never shuts up about wanting to kiss you.”

“Echo!” Fives hisses, embarrassed.

“Sooo,” you say, turning to him with a bashful grin, “what are you waiting for, then?”

Fives blinks a few times, and then with one swooping motion he pulls you into his lap, and puts his mouth to yours. His lips are sweet from the cake and the wine, his hands warm as he holds onto your waist. He’s firm and soft at the same time and it’s perfect -- until you move slightly and part of his armor pinches your skin, making you wince.

“Okay, you better take this off now,” you say, tapping one of his thigh plates with your fingernail, “or someone’s gonna get hurt.”

“That a promise?” Fives mutters against your cheek, making you giggle.

It’s touching how much care they put in taking off their armor. Just by watching them undress you can tell how important it is to them, almost sacred. They put every piece neatly on top of the other in the same way, like they were taught precisely how. Soon they stand before you in their tight black underclothes, still completely covered, but softer to the touch. The stretchy fabric doesn’t hide much. In fact, it accentuates the shape of their muscles and, well, other parts. You chew on your lip while you watch them move closer to you.

“Your turn, sunshine,” Fives states. “Let’s give the Captain a little surprise when we open the door for him.”

A small whine escapes your lips when you process his words, but you gladly oblige. As soon as you stand up from the couch, they’re on either side of you, so close it’s almost dizzying. They help you undo the clasps on your outfit and soon enough, you’re left only in your underclothes. Nothing fancy -- it was supposed to just be a regular work day when you got dressed this morning -- but at least it was a matching pair. Fives can’t seem to help himself and nuzzles his face into your neck, leaving open-mouthed kisses that send shivers down your spine and he makes his way back up past your jaw, until he captures your mouth again. His second kiss is more intense, deeper, hotter, and as his tongue moves against yours, you feel the wetness between your thighs increasing. While Fives kisses you, Echo runs his fingers down your breastbone softly, before brushing them over your nipples through the thin fabric of your bra. He’s gentle, like he doesn’t want to distract you from Fives’ kiss, but it still makes you shiver, the hairs on your arms standing up with the thrill of it.

And then, the buzzer again. When Echo goes to open the door, you instinctively want to turn around, too shy to face Rex in your state of undress, but Fives holds you with your back to his chest and his hands on your shoulders, rubbing them softly. He presses a kiss to your temple.

When the door swings open, your eyes meet Rex’s almost instantly.

"What's going on?" Rex asks, but his voice isn't demanding. Quite the opposite, there's almost a quiver in it as his gaze moves over your body, then quickly away again.

Echo leads him into the room by the back of his arm and smirks.

"Well, Captain, Fives and I have a little … gift for you, if you want to join us."

"We know you got involved, sir. With the toxin situation. No need to be ashamed. In fact, I think we can all benefit from this situation." Fives’ mouth comes up right next to your ear and you can feel the tickle of his goatee. "Why don't you tell him what you told us?" Fives whispers to you. Kriff, he wants you to proposition Rex? Out loud?

"I-I… well…" Alright, breathe, you can do this. You know what you want.

"I want… I want all three of you."

Rex’s eyes seem to darken, his posture heavy when he walks over to you. Fives lets go of you now, taking a step back to give the two of you more space.

"Stars," Rex breathes, "y-you're sure?"

"I'm sure." To help ease his doubts, you trace a path up his armor with your hands, resting your arms around his neck, and kiss him. He seems frozen for a second against your lips, but then he returns your kiss eagerly, warm hands grazing over your hips. When he touches you, his breath hitches, remembering you are near-naked in front of him. He breaks the kiss and rests his forehead against yours.

“I felt- I thought I had taken advantage of you. You were so vulnerable, and I was- I couldn’t control myself, I was too rough-”

"Look," you say softly, turning around to show him the remnants of your bruises.

"Is that- did I do that? Kriff, I didn't intend to-"

You interrupt him. "You can do it again, if you want. Keep doing it, so they never fade.”

Rex swallows, but before he can reply you come up with a new idea.

"I want to thank the three of you for saving my life," you say, and you can't help the shy smile that graces your face as you unclasp your bra, shaking it off and revealing your breasts. You take Fives and Rex by the hand and look Echo in the eye sweetly as you lead the three of them to your bedroom.

"There's no need-" Fives interrupts, but you shush him with a finger to his lips.

"I'm going to thank you," you say more firmly this time. You press a quick kiss to his lips before sinking to your knees before him, your eyes lining up with the visible hard-on under his clothes. Your fingers find the waistband of his black compression pants and his briefs below them.

"Oh, stars, sunshine-" His words catch in his throat when you peel the fabric down, revealing his bare cock to you, exactly the way you remembered it. Fuck, you'd fantasized about this late at night, pushing your own fingers into your mouth, imagining how much their cocks might fill you. You can't help but lick your lips before gently wrapping your hand around the base, drawing soft curses from Fives' lips. Your tongue finds the head of his cock, giving it a few kitten licks before letting your lips wrap around it. You hum contentedly as you let him enter further into your mouth, gently licking and sucking and reeling with pride whenever you draw a noise out of him. When you take him in as far as you can go without gagging, you feel his hand coming to rest on top of your head and you let him guide your pace.

"Fuck, your mouth feels amazing, sweetheart. You- you wanna show the other guys what you can do too?"

You whine when he takes his cock out of your mouth, but then you realize he meant show them right now, at the same time, because both Rex and Echo have taken their compression pants off (and Rex his armor, too) and you're greeted by two more of their cocks, hard and leaking and so close to your face.

"My lucky day," you joke, but your heart is beating fast with the knowledge you haven't exactly done this before. You just hope you can give all of them the attention they deserve.

Rex stands closest to you, and his cock twitches as you reach to hold it. His hips jerk forward when you press your tongue flat against the underside, tracing a vein that runs all the way along it. Just like Fives, he reaches for your head -- when you take one of his balls into your mouth and suckle on it softly, his fingers tighten their grip into your hair, his breath hitching with every stroke of your hand along his cock. After you give the other ball some attention, you move back to his cock, bobbing your head along it gently until he suddenly thrusts forward, hitting the back of your throat, making you gag.

"Kriff, sorry-"

But you persevere, spurred on to try and take him even deeper even with tears forming in your eyes. The sounds of you struggling to take him down your throat are joined with the sounds of Fives and Echo stroking their own cocks lazily on either side of you. It's lewd, but deliciously so, and your cunt throbs knowing that it's the sight of you that's turning them on.

You swallow around Rex's cock and he curses again, pulling himself out of your mouth.

"I won't l-last long if you keep that up, beautiful," he says, wiping some saliva mixed with precum away from your chin. Your stomach flutters at the pet name, a silly youngling feeling that feels unfitting to the current situation, but you find yourself wanting to hear it again and again.

Instead you turn again to take care of Echo, who seems to be enjoying himself -- his hand is wrapped tightly around the base of his cock and he smiles down at you.

"Your turn, mister," you tease, and a small chuckle escapes his throat.

"Stars, baby, you’re so cute."

Smiling, you lick up the sizable drop of precum that has formed at the head of his cock, drawing small circles around the opening with your tongue. Then much like before, you try to fit as much of him inside you as possible until you gag again -- the unpleasant feeling is somehow unbearably arousing to you, just knowing that his cock is so big, knowing your throat and jaw will hurt after, it sends lightning straight down between your legs.

"Look at me, baby," Echo coos fondly, "that's right, you like my cock, don't you, pretty eyes?"

You nod weakly, turning your attention back to the rhythm you had found while hollowing out your cheeks, when he pulls out of your mouth.

"Gotta keep it fair," he says with a grin while you feel a pair of hands turning you around again.

You service the three of them like this for a while, switching between their cocks while using your hands on the others. You must be an obscene sight, lips swollen and plump, saliva dribbling down your chin, and with every passing minute you're grinding your hips more and more, rubbing your legs together to find pleasure.

"Getting needy, aren't you, sunshine?" Fives teases, his voice raspy as you stroke his cock which is now slippery and shiny with precum and your spit. You hum around Rex, who has gotten to the point where he's thrusting shallowly into your mouth. Your gag reflex seems to have been conquered for the time being. They do say practise makes perfect.

It's Rex who comes first with a groan, his cum filling your throat while he holds your head in place, your nose grazing the hairs around the base of his cock.

"Fuck," Fives says, his hand finding the back of your head, "open your mouth, sweetheart, that's it." You swallow as much of Rex's cum as you can in one go, then open your mouth wide, tongue sticking out. Rex lines himself up with your tongue, pumping his own cock in quick hard motions. He cums with a low, rumbling sigh and his release ends up mostly on your tongue, with some of it on your nose and cheek. Before you realize it, you hear Echo curse beside you and he also finishes, his cum landing on your face and chest, like a marking you're all too happy to wear.

The three of them seem pretty out of breath, and Rex sits down on your bed with a sigh. "Stars," he breathes, pulling the high collar of his shirt away from his neck to let in some cool air. "That was some kind of thank you."

It makes you giggle. He seems more at ease now, having been convinced by the benefits of this arrangement.

Seeing the three of them panting and sweating in your bedroom sends another molten shot of arousal straight to your cunt and you realize your underwear must be soaked by now.

Fives must have realized you were rubbing your legs together, a teasing edge appearing in his voice. "I think you enjoyed that just as much as we did, didn't you? Did that get you wet?"

"Mhm," you admit coyly, "very."

"I think we should do something about that."

With a yelp from you, Fives pulls you up off the floor with ease and you crash into his chest with his nose pressed into your hair.

"Why don't you lie down and let us take care of you?"

Your face turns hot and your cunt throbs with anticipation at his words. But there's one thing that needs to happen first. All of them are still a lot more dressed than you are.

"Shirts off first, all of you," you say with a grin, which they all return.

"Yes, general," Echo jokes, peeling his sweat-soaked undershirt over his head. Now all of them are naked before you, and you can see the differences in their bodies. Echo, despite being the lithest of the three, has the most defined musculature. Fives is slightly broader in the shoulders but narrower at the hips, and seemed to have a little bit of an edge in the body hair department. Rex is the broadest overall, and also the most scarred, with gashes and blaster burns all over his chest, arms, and back. All three of them are beautiful, perfect, and somehow in your bed.

You get comfortable on the mattress, back propped up against a pillow. Surprisingly, it's Rex who finds his way over to you first, the mattress dipping under his knees. He puts his hands (big, warm, calloused) on your knees and spreads your legs so he can get between them.

"B-been wanting to taste you for so long," he says, his voice a dark rumble that strikes you in your core.

"You better take what you want then, Captain." You're not sure where the daring edge in your tone comes from, but after just making three men come with just your hands and mouth, some confidence has gathered in your chest.

Rex slides your underwear off and spreads your lower lips with his thumbs, and you can hear him suck in a breath. Fives sits down on the bed next to you and chuckles.

"Naughty, so wet from sucking dick." You give him a playful nudge which turns into a desperate grasp the moment Rex starts licking your slit in long lines, his tongue putting pressure on your clit repeatedly.

"Oh, fuckkkk-" you moan, your head falling back onto Fives' shoulder. Echo has now sat down on the other side of you and has taken it upon himself to lazily stroke and pinch at your nipples, the small licks of pain making you whine louder. Rex's pace is relentless, not gentle at all, and you find yourself on the edge much sooner than expected. Your nails dig into Fives' arm when Rex adds his fingers into the mix, pumping them in and out and curving them to hit the perfect spot while he sucks hard on your clit until you see-

"Stars!" you cry out, your hips lifting themselves off the bed as you buck into his tongue, your first orgasm of the night hitting you hard and deep. Rex keeps his tongue pushed against you for a while longer, until you come down from your high, slumping back down into the mattress with your breathing heavy and your skin shiny.

"Didn't know you knew how to do that, Captain," Echo jokes, still playing with your tits almost absentmindedly.

Rex wipes some of your slick off his face with the back of his hand and grins. "There's a lot you don't know about me."

When he sits back up, you can't help but notice he's well on his way to being hard again -- so are the others. There's a glimmer of pride in your chest at the moan Fives lets out when you wrap your hands around his cock again. You roll over, knees tucked under you, and bend down to wrap your lips around him again. In this position, you realize your ass is up in the air at an inviting angle, and you spread your knees a little further apart to give the man behind you a good view. It works, because it only takes a few seconds for Rex to grab your ass roughly with both his hands. His fingers line up with the bruises he left there before, and you hope he remembered your plea for their renewal.

"Look at you… you need a cock to fill you up, don't you, sweetheart?”

You hum around Fives’ cock in response, who fists his hand in your hair.

“Or maybe…” Rex’s voice is dark and rumbling, a sound that goes straight to your cunt, but that’s not where he touches you next. His thumb brushes over your exposed asshole and you stop moving your hips instantly in surprise. "... more than one? Think you could do that for us?"

You let Fives' cock slide out of your mouth to reply, spit and precum leaving a stringy trail between you. "Yes, please, I'll be so good for you," you whine, wanting nothing more than precisely that, to be good, to be of use to them, to make them feel good because they deserve it, and you're giddy and proud that they want this from you and no one else.

There's a bottle of oil in your nightstand for occasions like these -- a gift from a friend months ago who swears by this brand, but you hadn't gotten much use out of it yet. After all his nervousness earlier, you were surprised Rex took charge now, although you suppose he had just needed some time to settle into this commanding role that seemed to come so naturally to him in everyday life. The three of them briefly discuss among themselves how they should take you, but you have a hard time paying attention to the specifics. You bite your lip at the thought of the three of them filling all of you, and you can't help but sneak your hand between your legs to put some pressure onto your throbbing clit.

"Uh-uh," Fives tuts at you with a crooked smile, "none of that, now." He grabs the offending hand first and then the other so you can't touch yourself anymore. He laughs when you pout, and it makes you want to kiss the corners of his mouth. "C'mere," he says, pulling you forward to straddle his lap, his erection pressed between your bellies. It feels good, being this close to him, your skin against his. His smirk is still there and so you do steal a kiss, softly rutting against him just to feel him moan into your mouth. "How about the two of us stay like this," he says in your ear, pulling you tighter towards him with a hand on your lower back, "and I get to see your pretty little face while the other guys fuck your ass, hm?" Oh stars above, nothing coherent can leave your mouth in response to that. You press your face into the crook of Fives' neck and whine a breathy please that makes him chuckle. "Alright then sunshine, up you get." His strong hands lift you upwards so you can position yourself over his cock. Like it's the best thing he's ever felt, his eyes flutter closed when you sink down onto him, giving an experimental roll of your hips that tightens his grip on your waist.

"Fuck, I forgot how fucking hot your pussy is," he groans, and you can tell he's exerting some self control not to start fucking your brains out right away. You feel another warm hand on your back and turn to catch a glimpse of Echo.

"Yeah, Fives, you do know how to pick 'em," he jokes softly, but there's something different about him -- out of the three of them, you keep feeling like Echo might not have been attracted to you as much, like he might be happier with some girl from 79's, but now… You wonder if he reeled his feelings in so he wouldn't hurt his friend-- no, maybe that was just your vanity talking. Regardless, you pull Echo in for a short kiss while slowly starting to move with Fives inside you.

The sound of the glass bottle opening behind you gives you goosebumps. Rex's silence feels like the calm before the storm, and you hold your breath in anticipation. The liquid is a little cold when it trickles onto your skin, and you notice Rex also put a generous amount on his hand as he spreads it out, circling your little hole with his thumb. He works one finger into you gently, but you can feel the stretch and you cling onto Fives' shoulders.

"You alright, sunshine?" he asks and you nod, soothed by his voice and the circles Echo is rubbing on your back. Rex works you open gradually with his fingers, adding more oil when needed while Fives whispers words of encouragement into your ear. He keeps his hips painfully still -- your cunt throbs around him and you know he can feel it, too, but he doesn't budge, not yet.

“You’re doing so well, sunshine. Do you think you’re ready?”

“Mmhm,” you murmur against the skin of his shoulder.

“Ask Captain Rex nicely, then.”

You tilt your head up to look at him in slight bewilderment, only to find a playful smirk on his face. Before you can think of what to say, Rex starts slowly pulling his fingers out, grazing them along the sensitive skin in and around your ass, and you whine as you bury your face in Rex’s neck again.

“P-please, captain,” you cry, “please, please.”

His hands firmly dig into your asscheeks, rough and purposeful.

“Please what?”

Your words come out stifled and choked, both held back by your embarrassment to say something so filthy out loud, and shaken up by desire.

“Please fuck my a-ass, I need your cock, Rex, please!”

“Well done, sweetheart,” he says in that low voice that makes you quiver. He lines his cock up with your ass and you can’t help but buck your hips back slightly. His hands take hold of your sides and he starts pushing himself in, splitting you open easily with the help of the oil.

You’re full, so very full, and it’s so much, on the edge of being painful but not quite. Every part of your skin that touches one of your lovers is on fire, burning with arousal like it did when you had those toxins in your body, but better, now that your mind is sound. Whenever you think he can’t go any deeper, he does, and all you can do is hold onto Fives, digging your nails into his skin in the process.

“Fuck, stars, you take me so well,” Rex says behind you.

Echo pets your hair softly. “How’s it feel, baby?”

“F-feels good,” you respond, your words slurring together. Now both Fives and Rex are holding still with you in between them. The waiting is unbearable, like when the ocean pulls back before its biggest waves, and you are waiting for the water to crash.

The smallest roll of your hips is all it takes -- Rex groans as he pulls out about halfway, then thrusts back into you. From below you, Fives starts tilting his hips upwards, and you feel your cunt getting wetter around his cock. With the way you’re lying forwards on his chest, your clit rubs against him every time Rex slams his hips forwards. They move faster and faster, their skin slapping against yours and all you can do is sob, warm tears of pleasure mixing with sweat as they roll down your cheeks.

You can take more. You want to take more, and you look up at Echo through your wet lashes, reaching out for him, trying to find your words.

“Echo,” you whine softly, “my mouth, you can-”

You don’t have to tell him twice. He shifts so his cock is directly in front of your face instantly, unbearably hard and leaking. Your mouth opens almost instinctively, tongue lolling out to taste as much of him as possible.

Rex chuckles behind you as each thrust of his hips forces Echo’s cock further down your throat as you moan around him.

“Seems I was right the first time,” he says, not halting his speed even a little bit, “you really are a good little whore, aren’t you?”

Fuck, why do those words turn you on so much? Being called names was never something you wanted, but the way he said it, in that fucking delicious voice of his, it set you on fire and makes your cunt clench eagerly.

“Kriff, you liked that, didn’t you? Got all tight around me.”

Your mouth is too full of Echo’s cock to answer, but your throat lets out a noise that Echo clearly likes, because he moans and his strong hand finds purchase on your scalp. They fuck you mercilessly, all three of them pounding and thrusting into your body while you bounce on Fives’ cock and grind your clit against him. There is a deep focus to it, this steady rhythm while holding Echo’s cock into your mouth, but it feels so good and so complete, all of you moving together, thinking of nothing else but chasing the pleasure building in your cunt, and once you start slamming your hips down at the same moment Fives thrusts his up, it’s like the ocean wave crashing into the shore with full force, dragging you along with it. You come hard, a white-hot orgasm that shakes you to your core. You let Echo’s cock slip out of your mouth the moment you scream, and Five holds you against his chest where you can hear the pounding of his heart.

Fives halts the relentless thrusting of his hips for a moment, but not Rex -- he gives you not a moment of rest as he uses your ass with the same ferocity he used your cunt back on that planet.

“Fuck, fuck,” he swears behind you, “I’m gonna fucking- gonna cum, gonna fill this t-tight little ass up, would you like that? You wanna take my cum like a g-good little whore?”

“Yes, please, Rex,” you sob in reply.

He buries his cock deep inside your ass, his grip on your hips so tight it hurts, and then suddenly you feel a hand in your hair at the back of your head. Rex grabs a handful of hair and pulls, lifting your head up and back. He keeps you there while he coats your insides with his release, swearing throughout it, before letting you fall back onto Fives’ chest.

Echo stands up from the bed the second Rex pulls out of you and switches places with him.

“You can take a little more, can’t you, baby?” Echo says, lining his cock up with your ass. Some incoherent noise comes out of you as an answer, and Echo pushes in. Rex has opened you up enough for him to enter you easily, but knowing he’s fucking Rex’s cum back inside of you fans the flames in your belly and you can’t help but start bucking your hips back to feel it more, while Fives’ cock is still hot and throbbing in your cunt.

“Look at you,” you hear Rex say, “you can’t get enough of it, can you? Fucking yourself on two cocks at the same time, and looking so pretty doing it.”

“Mmm,” Fives agrees, and you can hear he’s trying to keep his composure but his breathing is ragged as he comes closer to his own release, “such a pretty little cockslut.”

The way they talk to you spurs you on, which they probably intended, and you start riding Fives like your life depends on it, pushing your upper body up a little straighter so you can look at him. He’s beautiful like this, face flushed, beads of sweat between his knitted brows while he intensely chases his pleasure. As soon as you look him in the eye he grabs the back of your head to pull you down, your forehead to his forehead, your nose to his nose, his eyes closed.

“You’re so f-fucking perfect,” he mutters, then lets out a long groan while he spills inside you, his head crashing backwards into the pillow. Echo’s thrusts get shorter and faster now and you buck back against him, wanting to give everything you still have left inside you. Rex’s hand sneaks up between your body and Fives’ to find your clit.

“Cum one more time, sweetheart, I know you can, with two cocks inside you.”

It’s too much -- you want to, but you don’t know if you can, don’t you if you’re even capable.

“I-I can’t, I-” you try to plead, but he rubs your clit roughly and you sob, hot tears wetting your cheeks. Echo tenses up behind you and you know he’s going to finish soon but-

Slap.

Rex’s hand comes down and strikes your asscheek so hard you squeal.

“I said cum.”

You do. You can’t explain it, but you do, an almost painful orgasm coursing through you while the sting of the strike lingers. A curse leaves your mouth but is caught by Fives’ lips pressing to yours and his tongue in your mouth. Echo spills his release into your ass with a moan, and with all three of their loads inside you, you have never felt so full.

After Echo pulls out, you climb off of Fives and let yourself fall backwards onto the mattress, every inch of you covered in sweat. Rex leans over to move some hair out of your face.

“Was that too much?” he asks, and the gentleness in his voice is almost heartbreaking.

“No,” you answer, a blissful smile on your face from how unbelievably good you’ve been fucked, “that was just right.” He leans over to press a kiss to your forehead, and you feel an ever so slight trace of stubble on his jaw, less than a day’s growth. You’ve never thought about him shaving, but you’d like to watch him do it, some day. Fives sits up, grabs your hand and puts it to his lips, pressing a firm kiss to your knuckles. Moments later, Echo appears with a towel from your closet and starts cleaning you up, dabbing the cloth between your thighs where their cum has started trickling out of you.

“So,” you start, grinning playfully “are we even, now?”

Rex chuckles and gets up off the bed to find his underclothes -- no doubt duty will call for him again soon. You feel so, so lucky, that these three men have chosen to spend what little free time they have with you, and a warmth spreads through your chest as you look at them, eyes half-lidded from drowsiness.

“Not a chance,” he jokes, stepping into his briefs.

Fives lets go of your hand and strokes your cheek with his thumb, grinning down at you, and Echo, too, has a smile on his face. Rex kisses your forehead one more time.

“You won’t get rid of us that easily.”

[bitsandbobsofwriting]

Long Lost Prince Part 2;

Merlin leads his people home and Arthur grapples with whether he should keep his feelings to himself or not.

Part 1

Just like Arthur promised, a portion of Camelot's army mixed with around fifty of Merlin's knights are marching towards the Dragonlands within a month.

Merlin and Arthur lead the way, Sir Thornway, Sir Leon, and Sir Mordred following closely behind. It was decided fairly quickly that Hunith and Gaius would stay in Camelot; they were desperate to get home, but they weren't fighters, and whilst the chance of attack was fairly low considering the army behind them and the two dragons circling ahead, Arthur and Merlin were unwilling to risk it.

At a quick pace, Arthur reckons they could've made the journey in a week, but the army is slow-moving, and it takes them almost three to reach the border. They don't hear a peep out of anyone as they move through the countryside, though Arthur does raise an amused eyebrow at Merlin every once in a while, as and when the Warlock chuckles at Kilgharrah whispering in his head about all the various pathetic mercenaries and bandits running away screaming at the sight of his silhouette against the clouds.

The Dragonland, in comparison to Camelot, was a very small kingdom, but it’s capital city was near the far border, backed by miles and miles of towering mountains. In one of the many sessions of reminiscing that Merlin, Thornway, and Kilgharrah have in the evenings, they discuss the mountains at length. They were mostly uninhabited by people, even before the purge, they were far too treacherous for those without a guide and strong magic, and even then the paths were still dangerous.

The great mountains were where the Dragon’s resided; in a network of twisting tunnels and great caverns carved with fire and magic. Merlin vaguely remembers being taken there a few weeks before... before they left. Thornway told him that retreating into the mountains was one of the back up plans, if Uther’s army was too big and there was no hope of escape through the countryside.

(Arthur frowned at that. He was frowning at a lot nowadays, but Merlin just squeezed his leg under the blanket they were sharing (Leon did NOT smirk and Arthur did NOT blush) and whispered, yet again, that he was not his father.)

The escape through the mountains was planned to be a last ditch effort though, even with the dragons leading them and their strongest sorcerers protecting them, the perilous paths, with their knife edge drops and loose rocks and harsh snow, would have taken too many casualties to count. Though, in the end, escaping through the countryside had been just as deadly.

Arthur also used the journey to think about what Leon had said. Though Merlin and The King stuck close by for the whole trek, conversation was sparse (though the silences were comfortable); Arthur was unsure how to bring up the inevitable change in their relationship, though he knows that, for his own peace of mind if nothing else, he should.

They were deep into the Kingdom, having passed all the now doubly abandoned outer villages (Arthur was right in thinking that two dragons and a marching army scared away all the various mercenary groups and bandits) and now only a day’s ride from the capital, that Arthur asked Merlin the question that had been plaguing his mind for weeks. The two of them were sat against a fallen log, the night flourishing around them. The silence over the rest of the camp was tense, the knowledge that they were close hanging in the air, but the silence between Merlin and Arthur was comfortable, peaceful:

“What are you planning on doing?”

Merlin took a noticeably deep breath and Arthur turned to him, trying desperately to keep the worried frown off his face:

“I don’t know. I didn’t really discuss it with ma, we just... wanted to get home, and work from there, see what happens I guess.”

Arthur nodded, gulping slightly before he responds:

“Do you think she wants the throne? Your mother? Or will you become King?”

Merlin chuckles, but Arthur clenches his hands and looks away at the humourless lilt the noise has:

“I’d love to see her back in her crown, on her throne, but it’s been a long time. She did everything with my father by her side, I don’t know if... if she would want to do it on her own. I don’t know that she would cope.-”

The Warlock turns to face Arthur, and it strikes The King how close they are when he can feel Merlin’s breath on his cheek. He turns to meet his gaze once more:

“-What would you do, Arthur? In my place?”

Arthur can only hold his stare for a few moments before he looks to his lap, shaking his head slightly:

“I don’t know, Merlin. Tell me what’s on your mind, I... I can’t promise that I’ll have the answers, but maybe saying things out-loud will help.”

Merlin nods as he shuffles in his spot slightly, and Arthur likes to think that he was moving closer:

“I... I’m desperate to get home. But at the same time, I waited. I waited for twenty years, I’ve built myself a life in Camelot, I’d... given up on ever returning home, and I was just about coming to terms with the fact that Camelot was my home now. And then... this. I have to lead my people back, I know that, I owe it to them, it’s my job to protect them and give them back their heritage-”

Arthur interrupts quietly:

“Your heritage.”

Merlin sighs:

“-yeah, my heritage. My mother, and Gaius, and my people, and... and I, we deserve to go home. But I was only six when we left, I never got all the lessons on how to be a Politician, a King. Yes, I’m the heir, yes, I remember home and the crown and being a little Prince, but I am not built to be a King, Arthur, I don’t want to- I can’t fail my people, but I fear I will. I... I’ve been putting up a brave front for my mum, for Thornway, but I’m terrified. I have no idea what I’m doing, Arthur. What if I mess up?”

Arthur allows a small smile to slip onto his face as he takes Merlin’s fidgeting hands in his own. He shakes his head as he huffs out a short laugh and Merlin looks at him incredulously:

“You couldn’t possibly, Merlin. I know you well, do I not?-”

Merlin nods his head vigorously:

“Better than anyone.”

Arthur fights the blush:

“-And I’m telling you, that you have nothing to worry about. You may not have had official lessons, but you have the mind for politics.-”

Arthur glances to his lap briefly as he takes a fortifying breath, stroking his thumbs over the back of Merlin’s hands, still clutched in his, and looking up to him again:

“-I had all those lessons. All that training, and practicing, and tutoring. But I was still so... lost when I became King. I don’t think I ever told you, Merlin, but the only thing that got me through was you, always by my side. Because I knew that you would never let me fail, because I trusted you to see my shortcomings and make up for them without fuss, without fault. And you did, without asking for any thanks, or recognition, like you do with everything. To this day, you think I’m a good King because of destiny, but that’s utter bollocks and I’ve always known it. I’m a good King, Merlin, because you made me a good man first. And on days when I doubt my own rule, I remind myself of how much faith you have in me, and it gives me strength, because I know you would never allow me to fail, and on the off chance I fall, I know you would catch me. Every good King who cares about his people has doubts, Merlin, but however much faith you have in me? I have the same amount, if not more, in you. You’ll do just fine.”

Merlin looks at him with wide, teary eyes, and Arthur flushes under the scrutiny. The King goes to say something, maybe a flippant joke to de-charge the atmosphere, but before he can utter even a word, Merlin throws himself at him, wrapping tight arms around his shoulders and burying his face in his neck. Arthur almost falls back, but he holds steady, chuckling slightly as he returns Merlin’s hug with equal intensity. Merlin’s muffled voice from his shoulder has Arthur tightening his grip:

“Will you catch me? If I fall?”

Arthur moves a hand up to cradle the back of Merlin’s head:

“You won’t fall. But I’d spend the rest of my life stood below you with my arms out ready, Merlin, if that gave you just a fraction of the belief in yourself that you should have.”

Neither pulled away for what felt like hours, and by the time Thornway wondered over to check on them, they had fallen asleep against the log, arms still firmly wrapped around each other.

He smiles mournfully as he drapes a blanket over them. You would have to be blind to miss the odd moroseness that had overtaken them both, and the old knight knew that his Prince was dreading having to leave Arthur, and that Arthur was dreading the same. They shuffle in their sleep, and Thornway freezes, worried that he had woken them, but when Arthur just mutters Merlin’s name and moves impossibly closer to the other man Thornway sighs. This is going to be... painful for the two of them, and he’s not quite sure how he can help.

~

After another day of travel, they find themselves moving through the capital city, towards the castle sitting at the foot of the mountains.

The army was left with orders to methodically clear the city whilst Arthur, Leon, Thornway, and Mordred headed straight for the citadel gates. Though the city had fallen into disrepair, the castle looked like it had barely been touched, even by the elements, and Thornway explained that powerful enchantments laid over the ancient building, preventing it from being invaded or damaged by even the strongest of armies:

“It was meant to be a stronghold, somewhere we could hide and keep our people safe in emergencies, but we knew if we did that we would have backed ourselves into a corner. Uther was taking over more and more of the city every day, if we locked ourselves in... we would have just starved. Trying to escape through the city and out into the wilderness was our only hope.”

Merlin nods absent-mindedly as he stares up at the main door:

“Can we even get in?”

His voice is quiet and shaky, and Mordred steps forward to put a hand on his shoulder as Thornway replies with a small smile:

“You’re the heir, the doors will always open for you, Little Falcon.”

Merlin replies with a weak smirk and flushed cheeks:

“You know, I’m not all that little anymore.”

Thornway barks out a laugh as he shakes his head slightly, ruffling Merlin’s hair as the younger man pouts:

“Well, you’ll always be littler than me.-”

Merlin goes to retort, but before he can, his knight steps back and gestures to the great doors in front of them:

“-Go on, it’s time for us to finally come home, I think.”

Merlin gulps and nods, and Mordred lets his hand fall back to his side as the older Warlock takes the steps two at a time, hesitating only slightly before he wraps his hand around one of the doors’ metal rings. It twists easily in his grip, and the door swings open. Merlin has to take a step back and cover his mouth with his sleeve as he coughs, the billowing clouds of dust being disturbed for the first time in two decades making it almost impossible to see into the dark hall.

It settles after a few moments and Merlin takes a deep breath, reaching behind him wordlessly and relaxing only when he feels Arthur take his hand. The blonde King gives his hand a comforting squeeze, and Merlin takes his first shaking steps across the threshold.

He walks through the dark corridors slowly, one hand tightly clenched in Arthur’s, the other trailing along the wall next to him. The rest of the group is silent as they follow him, and nothing can be heard bar their muffled steps over the dusty rugs, and the deep breathing of Merlin and Thornway.

Merlin seems to know where he’s going, so no one questions the corners he turns and the rooms he passes without second thought. The deeper into the castle they get, the darker it becomes, until finally Merlin stops, a long hall stretched out in front of him. His eyes flash gold and the torches lining the walls flare up, illuminating the corridor in golden light. Arthur turns to look at the Warlock beside him, empathetic tears gathering in his eyes as he sees tracks on Merlin’s cheeks. 

Merlin turns to glance at Thornway, whose in a similar state, before closing his eyes and flattening his free hand against the wall, digging his fingertips into the cracks as his voice comes out quiet and raspy:

“I know these halls, this stone.-”

Thornway takes a deep stuttering breath, muttering Merlin’s name. Merlin steps away from the wall, looking back to his knight with a weak, teary smile:

“-Do you remember? Chambers filled with golden light, vast halls bustling with people and dragons and magic?”

Thornway gulps and nods, slowly moving towards Merlin and putting a hand on his shoulder:

“I remember.-”

He nods down the corridor, taking a deep breath and clearing his throat before asking:

“-You remember what’s down there?”

Merlin smiles and nods, squeezing Arthur’s hand and leading the group down the hall, obviously impatient to get to wherever their destination is, but unwilling to walk any quicker.

Leon and Arthur share a confused and slightly concerned look but don’t say anything, allowing Merlin and Thornway to lead the way. Once again, Merlin hesitates only slightly before pushing the door at the end of the corridor open. and the six of them gather inside the immense chamber. Like the rest of the castle, it was dusty, but untouched; unlike the rest of the castle, it was bathed in colourful light. The walls were high, the ceiling obviously stretching far above the surrounding rooms, and the afternoon sun shone brightly through giant stained glass windows. 

Reds and blues and greens and every other colour imaginable were splashed across the stone floor, painting pictures of dragons and flowers and family, but everyone’s eyes skip over the colourful artwork, instead being drawn to the two golden thrones sat on a dais at the other end of the hall. Merlin lets go of Arthur’s hand, walking towards the thrones with wide eyes as the others stay back, watching with a mix of pride and grief. Thornway follows after a few moments and Leon has to put a hand on Arthur’s shoulder, shaking his head slightly when the King looks at him. Arthur clenches his hands and looks away, but stays by the door, wanting more than anything to be with Merlin through this but also understanding that it wasn’t his place.

Merlin finally reaches the thrones.

He wipes the thick dust from the armrests with shaking, but reverent hands before sitting down on the steps, slightly to the side of the golden seats. He runs his fingertips over the stone, remembering every bump and crack and texture, and Thornway stands behind him, in line with the thrones, putting a hand on his shoulder and muttering:

“Now this brings back memories.”

Merlin nods, looking up at him, tears no longer flowing, but still gathering in his eyes:

“I... I don’t remember much, but I still... know. I know this is where I sat, with you behind me, ma and dad next to me on their thrones. I remember dad promising that when I was older, they’d have a throne made for me, so I could sit with them.”

Thornway nods, slowly moving to sit beside him, ignoring the creaking in his bones as he lets his weight fall onto the stone steps:

“Hmm. foreign royalty and dignitaries thought it odd that the King and Queen let you sit in on meetings, even as a young child, but they were always adamant; they didn’t want to hide you away. You were always safe, of course, but they wanted you exposed to the people and the people exposed to you. I suppose they wanted to nurture a natural love and protectiveness of your people in you; how could they expect you to serve the Kingdom well if you were only doing so out of duty, and not genuine love?”

Merlin hums thoughtfully before smiling briefly up at Arthur, still stood on the other side of the room. When Arthur tentatively returns the smile, despite not hearing the hushed conversation, Merlin looks to Thornway next to him, bumping shoulders with a short giggle:

“Probably why I’ve always been so disrespectful to Arthur, everyone in here was equal, no matter what. I guess that’s why the treatment of servants and commoners was such a shock when I moved to Camelot, I don’t really remember much of home, but it definitely felt different.”

Thornway nods as Merlin stands, holding out a hand to the knight and pulling him to his feet. Merlin’s gaze moves around the room, though he stays rooted to the spot, and Thornway asks his question quietly:

“What do you want to do? Do you want to finish clearing the castle and the city first, or fetch your mother and uncle first?”

Merlin gulps before taking a deep breath, staring at the floor and saying in a small voice:

“I don’t know... what do you think I should do?”

Thornway chuckles and shakes his head:

“This is your decision, Little Falcon. You are the Crown Prince, this is your Kingdom, your city, your people, trust your instincts. What should be done?”

Merlin looks to Arthur once again, reminding himself of the King’s promise to catch him should he fall, before looking back at Thornway with a determined expression:

“Send Kilgharrah to fetch ma and Gaius. We no longer need him as a deterrent, and we’ll still have Aithusa. He can make the journey to Camelot and back in a week at most, knights, even on horseback, will take at least twice that. It’s been a while since either of them went flying, but they’ll remember soon enough, and I trust Kilgharrah to keep them safe. We can keep clearing the city and start rough plans for rebuilding whilst we wait.”

Thornway grins and nods proudly:

“Exactly what I would have suggested. See? You’ll be just fine.-”

Merlin returns his grin shyly, blushing slightly as he rubs the back of his neck. Thornway rolls his eyes good-naturedly before gesturing to the others:

“-Come, My Lord, we should let the others know and head out to send Kilgharrah off as soon as possible.”

Merlin pushes the older knight’s shoulder playfully at the use of a title, but Thornway just smirks and waves Merlin ahead of him.

~

Arthur, Leon, and Mordred were told of the plan as the group made their way out of the castle again, having to cover their eyes when they step into the bright sunlight. They all smiled fondly as they saw Merlin’s growing confidence, though Arthur had to stamp down the growing anxiety swirling in his stomach; he refused to be sad for himself.

Kilgharrah was flying back towards Camelot within the hour, and Merlin was separating the army into groups and assigning tasks with a strong voice and straight back, taking every question and suggestion in his stride and organising hundreds of people without issue.

Arthur knew that there was still a conversation to be had between himself and Merlin, though with every day that passed he questioned whether it was the right thing to do. He wasn’t oblivious enough not to notice the way Merlin always asked for his council, even when he didn’t need it, always searched for his eyes in the crowd when he addressed his people, but that didn’t mean that his... affections, were returned.

Everyone, even Thornway now, kept shooting him pitying looks, and he figured out fairly quickly that he wasn’t as subtle as he’d like to believe. Leon was the only one he could rely on to convincingly pretend nothing was wrong, and Arthur used that to back up his deliberate ignoring of his stupid emotions.

Six days had passed and the clearing of debris from the lower town was well on its way when Kilgharrah landed in the castle courtyard, his two passengers tense and teary. Only Hunith, Gaius, Merlin, and Thornway took the journey through the castle this time; the others continued to help with the work in the town, not quite feeling that they would be welcome on the emotional tour.

Hunith decided fairly quickly that she would move on to become Queen Mother. Merlin would be crowned King (though he put his foot down and insisted that it wouldn’t happen until everything was properly sorted, and the people were settled back in the city), and though Hunith would still be the most senior of the royals, Merlin would technically have the most power. 

Arthur had mixed feelings about that. 

As King, Merlin would be a lot busier, would have a lot more responsibilities, but equally, he would have much more control over the use of his time; somehow making it both harder and easier to organise visits between the two of them. Though Arthur, of course, didn’t mention such feelings, just pulled Merlin into another tight hug and congratulated him with a grin.

With the help of Merlin and Mordred’s magic, and the few sorcerers scattered throughout the army they had brought, clearing the town of debris and rebuilding what they could with whatever was left went fairly quickly. Soon enough, the blacksmith’s and an infirmary were up and running, and the farms were ready for work to commence, just as soon as the resources from Camelot arrived.

The castle, whilst it had been fully explored by Merlin, Hunith, Thornway, and Gaius, had yet to be opened up to others or cleaned properly, but no one mentioned it. The gang slept happily in homes rebuilt in the upper town, and accepted Merlin’s excuse of wanting to focus on the people’s infrastructure first.

It was a week or so after Hunith and Gaius had arrived, Kilgharrah and Aithusa had disappeared into the mountains with Merlin’s approval, and Arthur once again found Merlin stood in the otherwise empty, still dusty throne room, staring at the golden seats with his hands in his pockets and his face tense.

Years ago, Arthur would’ve been wrong in his assumption that Merlin hadn’t heard him approach, but just this once he knows that he’s right. Arthur had slowly become an expert on picking up Merlin’s ticks, and even in the low light of the evening the blonde could tell that Merlin had no clue he was there.

Arthur didn’t want to feel like he was intruding, so cleared his throat quietly, only walking closer to the other man when his head whipped around, smiling slightly when he saw it was just Arthur.

Arthur stepped up next to him, and they both stared at the thrones in silence, shoulders brushing ever so slightly. Everything had been so busy in recent weeks that, other than the conversation two weeks earlier, Arthur and Merlin had spent barely any time together, just the two of them; every other time Arthur had found Merlin alone in the throne room he had shut the door quietly behind him and left, too afraid to intrude, not quite ready to start a conversation. The conversation.

After a few minutes, he clears his throat again and speaks in a quiet voice, not looking to the Warlock next to him:

“What’s on your mind?”

Merlin responds almost immediately, but like Arthur, he speaks quietly and doesn’t move his gaze from the thrones:

“Nothing, everything. I’m... doing ok, I think.-”

Arthur nods with a small smile, but Merlin continues before he can say anything:

“-But I’m scared that I’m only doing well because you’re here. You have to go back to Camelot eventually and... it sounds stupid, but I... I don’t want you to go. I need you, Arthur.”

Arthur gulps, finally looking to Merlin’s sorrowful face, though the other man refuses to meet his gaze. He takes his hands out of his pockets, fiddling with them roughly, rubbing his knuckles together and scratching his palms harshly. Arthur clenches his jaw, taking one of Merlin’s hands in his own gently and running soothing fingers over the younger man’s callouses:

“I know what you mean.-”

Merlin looks to him in surprise, his eyes widening, and Arthur continues with a small smile:

“-I told you, Merlin, I’m only a good King because of you. I’ve never had to rule on my own before and I’m dreading going back to Camelot without you.-”

Merlin shakes his head roughly, but Arthur continues once again, before he can disagree:

“-No, Merlin, don’t argue, it’s true. I... I need you as well, I don’t want to be without you, and I’ve no clue how I’m going to cope with a week’s ride between us. Leon tried talking some sense into me back in Camelot, and I know he was right, that all relationships take effort and we’ll have to work incredibly hard to stay in each other’s lives in any significant capacity, and I’m absolutely willing to do anything to keep you close, if not physically then... otherwise, but I’m still...-”

Arthur sighs and looks away, his cheeks just a little bit pink as he continues quietly:

“-I’m still scared to be without you.”

Merlin gulps and squeezes Arthur’s hand in his own, waiting for the blonde to finally look up at him again. The Warlock smiles at the eye contact and Arthur returns it weakly as Merlin finally replies:

“The last ten years of my life have revolved around you, completely and utterly, and I know it’s selfish of me to... not want that to change. I know I’m staying here, with my people, as their King. I would never consider abandoning them, not really, but I desperately want to, just so I can stay with you. We... we’ll figure something out, find some way to communicate quickly. I’m magic incarnate, there has to be a way, I... I’ll make a way, if I have to.”

The tears in Arthur’s eyes finally overflow at Merlin’s determined tone, but before the other man can say anything about it, Arthur pulls him into a tight hug, clutching his cloak in shaking fingers and burying his face in his shoulder, for once feeling grateful for the extra inch in height that Merlin has on him. Merlin returns the hug without hesitation, closing his eyes against the tears, though not managing to stop them from falling as he quietly speaks, his voice thick:

“I promised that I would stay with you until the day I died, but I... I have to leave, I... I can’t-”

Arthur tightens the hug as he interrupts him:

“No, Merlin, you owe me nothing, you don’t have to explain. You’ve already given me my kingdom, now it’s my chance to return the favour. I would never ever ask you to leave this behind just for me.”

Arthur can feel Merlin’s body shaking with silent sobs, and he runs a hand through his hair softly, breathing deeply in an effort to hold in his own bawling. 

They stand wrapped in each other for a while, neither willing to let go even when their tears dry up and their breathing evens out. Eventually Merlin rasps out a whispered:

“I don’t want to lose you.”

Arthur pulls back at long last, but doesn’t go far, leaning his forehead against Merlin’s and closing his eyes before replying:

“You won’t. We’ll take turns hosting Yule celebrations, and I can visit on your birthday, and there’ll be tournaments of course, and trade routes, and shared patrols near the border. I refuse to let you slip from my grasp, Merlin, you’ll never be without me, not for long anyway.”

Merlin huffs out a gentle laugh, and Arthur thinks the flutter of his breath over his cheeks and through his eyelashes is the most beautiful thing he’s ever felt. Both of them open their eyes, but they don’t move away from each other, even as they stare, becoming increasingly aware of the very little amount of space between them. Arthur’s brows crease slightly but he ignores the concerned question in Merlin’s eyes, instead lifting a hand to gently cup his jaw, gulping as Merlin’s expression falls into a soft smile.

The King takes a deep breath as he summons his courage, eyes filling with tears again as he clears his throat, whispering so quietly that it’s a miracle Merlin hears him, even with only inches between them:

“Merlin, I... you mean a great deal to... I mean I... -”

He cuts himself off with a quiet huff, and Merlin smirks at the slight blush dusting his cheeks, patiently waiting for him to continue. Arthur shuts his eyes tightly, taking another deep breath before opening them with a newfound determination. He meant it, he’d come this far, he was not going to let Merlin slip away:

“I love you, you are the single most important person in my life, and I would go to the ends of this world just to see you smile. I owe you my life, and so much more than that; you’ve been making promises and swearing oaths to my crown for years-”

Merlin interrupts him quietly:

“To you, to Arthur, not the crown, to you.”

Arthur huffs slightly and rolls his eyes:

“I’m trying to confess my undying love here Merlin, and I’m not very good with this whole... expressing shit, so shut up and let me finish.-”

Merlin snorts but stays otherwise silent, raising an eyebrow to prompt Arthur to continue:

“-Like I was saying. You’ve been swearing things for years, and now it’s my turn.-”

Arthur steps back, taking Merlin’s hands tightly in his own as he lowers himself to one knee, pressing his forehead to the Warlock’s knuckles:

“-I swear on my crown and in the name of Camelot, that I will always love you, that I will always be ready catch you, and that I will never stop putting the work in to make sure I don’t lose you, that you don’t lose me.”

The blonde can hear Merlin’s stuttered breathe and barely has time to process Merlin’s whispered-

“I accept your oath.”

-before he’s being pulled to his feet and urgently kissed.

One of Merlin’s hands settles on the side of Arthur’s neck and the other grips his hip. Arthur’s arms flail for only a moment in his shock before he moves to clutch Merlin’s collar tightly, closing his eyes and kissing back, pushing as much of his devotion into the action as possible and wanting nothing more than to sooth the stress-induced bite marks on Merlin’s lips.

They pull back far too soon, as far as both of them are concerned, once again resting their foreheads against each other as they catch their breath. Arthur’s face slowly morphs into a grin as he says:

“And to think I was stressing over whether I should tell you for weeks.”

Merlin rolls his eyes in response, snorting in amusement as he admits, much to Arthur’s chagrin:

“Believe me, I already knew, you weren’t very subtle. You’ve been sulking.”

Arthur lets out an incredulous huff and pulls back, still holding Merlin’s collar but staring at Merlin’s amused raised eyebrow with wide eyes:

“I am a King, Merlin, I do not sulk.”

Merlin chuckles:

“Well so am I, and yes you do.”

Arthur narrows his eyes slightly:

“Not yet you’re not. That’s besides the point, if you knew... why didn’t you say anything?”

Merlin’ face falls slightly, and if Arthur had to guess, he’d say that Merlin looked a little guilty. The blonde furrowed his brows but pulls his Warlock close again, stroking his jaw softly with his thumb as he waits for an answer:

“I... I love you, Arthur, more than anything, but... I wanted see if you would do anything about it. I knew I would do anything for you, but I needed... I needed to know if you thought I was worth the distance, the effort. If I said something first, I never would have known... I would always be second guessing if you were about to... to break it off, because you didn’t want to put in the frankly ridiculous amount of effort it’s going to take to keep things... good.”

Arthur smiles and shakes his head disbelievingly, landing a quick kiss to the tip of Merlin’s nose and smirking at the way his face scrunches in response:

“Well, now you do know. I will do anything, everything, to keep you happy and safe and loved. You will always be in my heart, if not by my side.”

Merlin smiles, and the two of them resolutely ignore the tears gathering in their eyes as he whispers his reply:

“As will I. I’ll talk to the Druids, Kilgharrah, Thornway, I’m sure we’ll be able to figure out some magical way to communicate.”

Arthur just smiles and nods, taking Merlin’s hands in his own once more:

“Ready to head to sleep? It’s late, and I know you’re tired.”

Merlin takes a deep breath, glancing to the thrones before walking towards the door, keeping Arthur’s hand securely in his:

“Yeah. Though unless we sneak past the others I doubt we’ll get to sleep for a while. Morgana’s been speaking to me in my head and teasing me for weeks and my mum keeps hinting at how politically beneficial a marriage between the kingdoms would be.”

Arthur doesn’t even try to hide his snort, but nods in agreement and squeezes Merlin’s hand, following him out into the star-lit evening with a newfound enthusiasm to see what the future will bring.

~

THE END OF PART 2!!!

I think I’ll write one more reeeaally short part, a ten years later sort of thing, just because I have a few more ideas about this, but no real huge plot points, just cute little things I want to add in but haven’t found space for yet.

This took a little longer than I expected to come out, but I hope y’all enjoyed it!!

(and yes, I may have taken a little inspiration from The Hobbit movies, sue me (pls don’t, I’m kidding))

[master-sass-blast]

Care and Trust: Chapter One.

Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four

Summary: "The shockwave hits second.

You’re strolling through Avatar Korra park, out on your lunch break. It’s a beautiful, late winter day; with the sun shining high up in the sky, it’s warm enough that you aren’t shivering like a frightened kitten as you amble along the plaza.

Several people gasp, and you look up in time to see a fireball pluming up over the docks.

And then the shockwave hits.

It hits your chest like an armadillo tiger; the explosion roars through the air, making your ears hurt. You go down, grunting when you hit the snow-covered knoll behind you.

You stand with a groan, brush yourself off, then start booking it to the nearest hospital.

Shit like this always demands all hands on deck."

AKA Plot Finally Happens.

Pairing(s): Lin Beifong x Reader.

Rating: T.

Word count: 2.1k.

The shockwave hits second.

You’re strolling through Avatar Korra park, out on your lunch break. It’s a beautiful, late winter day; with the sun shining high up in the sky, it’s warm enough that you aren’t shivering like a frightened kitten as you amble along the plaza.

(But, as they say, all good things must come to an end.)

Several people gasp, and you look up in time to see a fireball pluming up over the docks.

And then the shockwave hits.

It hits your chest like an armadillo tiger; the explosion roars through the air, making your ears hurt. You go down, grunting when you hit the snow-covered knoll behind you.

Cries pierce the air. Screams of panic, exclamations of disbelief, exhortations to call the police.

Yeah, you think as you eye the thick, black smoke that belches into the air, something tells me they didn’t miss that.

You stand with a groan, brush yourself off, then start booking it to the nearest hospital.

Shit like this always demands all hands on deck.

***

As predicted, the injury count is high.

You run the halls of Yue General, triaging the more serious patients until things slow enough that you can start checking the ones not actively dying. It’s a non-stop frenzy of gauze, saline, and bandage wraps until you can see the blue glow of your healing whenever you close your eyes.

By the end of it, your feet are practically dead and it’s nearly four in the morning.

You drag yourself onto one of the trams and let the teeth-shaking rattle keep you awake until you’re on your block. You count your steps until you make it to the front door, then let out a sigh of relief when you step into the building lobby.

“Elevator Out of Service. Please Use Stairs.”

You stare at the placard in front of the elevator bay in disbelief, then groan. Fuck my life.

***

The climb up to your floor is agony.

You’re huffing and puffing by the time you make it to your apartment door. You lean against it as you slot the key into the lock, then push inside.

Some distant, responsible part of you manages to turn the deadbolt before your brain shuts off entirely. You kick off your shoes, drop your purse on the ground, then shuffle over to the couch and flop down face first on it.

When you lift your head again, sunlight’s streaming through your living room window.

“Fuck.” You wince, then peel yourself gingerly off the couch. You cringe as your body protests, and rub your hand over the back of your aching neck. You glance at the clock, but the gurgle your stomach makes is more than enough to tell you that it’s past lunch time.

You sit up, then frown when you get a whiff of yourself. Antiseptic and B.O. Not a good combination on anyone.

You need a shower. And food. And a good round of stretching.

Nice, long, hot shower. You smile as you shuffle towards the bathroom. And then take out. Narook’s. With extra squid ink noodles. Your stomach rumbles again. And maybe Golden King’s… mmm, extra summer rolls… with sweet and sour dipping sauce. Yum.

***

You feel more human after showering. You change into sweats and a loose shirt, put in delivery orders at Narook’s and Golden King’s, then flip on your radio before dropping down onto your sofa.

It’s too early in the day for mystery shows, but the disc jockey’s still playing music requests. Smooth jazz --something with a rolling beat and brass--pipes out of the speakers, swirling around your apartment until the mental grime of the previous day starts to fade.

You sink back into your couch and hum along. You sigh and stretch, relish in the ache in your legs as tension leeches from your sore muscles.

The radio hums, then crackles. “We interrupt this broadcast for an announcement from the Republic City Police Department.”

You roll your eyes as an announcer rattles off a report about the explosion yesterday --site is secure, no risk of further fire or explosion, the city police are hard work, stay clear of the site, blah blah blah--then relax when your music starts playing again. Thanks for telling us what we already know. You close your eyes and let yourself drift. Why do they always shove that into every single press release? ‘We’re working hard to serve Republic City and ensure the safety of her citizens--’

Lin.

You gasp and bolt upright; she would’ve attended the scene. Hell, for all you know, she was one of the responding officers.

It’s probable, given her propensity for “hands on police work,” for not staying above the grime and grunge her officers have to work on.

Hell, it’s even likely. Given what you know about Lin, you’d be solid money that she’d rather work the explosion site than deal with the panicking politicians.

Is she okay? You chew on your lower lip as the thought circles your mind like water in the bathtub drain, swirling down and down into blackness.

You blink, and then your phone’s in your hand, and there’s hold music in your ear as the operator makes the connection. You gulp and palm your phone once the music stops and the ringing starts. Please don’t let this be a mistake, please don’t let this be a mistake, please don’t let this be a fucking mistake…

“Chief Beifong’s office. This is her assistant, Ryu, speaking. The Chief is not available at this time, but I can take your message and deliver it to her later.”

You blink at the sound of her assistant’s voice. “Uh… hi…” You swallow, then rattle off your name and callback number before Ryu can hang up on you. “I’m a, uh, friend of Lin’s. I was just calling because --y’know--the explosion--”

“I’m sorry, but the Chief cannot comment on an ongoing investigation--”

“I’m not calling about that,” you interject, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I’m her friend; I just want to be sure she’s okay.”

There’s a pause on the other end of the line, and when Ryu speaks again, she almost sounds… pleased? “Chief Beifong’s not in right now --but I’ll have her call you back as soon as she’s available.”

“Is she hurt?” you blurt before she hangs up on you.

Another pause. “As far as I know, no.”

“Okay.” You nod, gulp, then nod again. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Have a nice day.”

You eke out something similar, then put your phone back on the hook when the line goes dead. Your heart thuds uncomfortably hard in your chest, and you have to blink a few times before your brain starts working again.

You head back to your couch and jazz --but long gone is your relaxed, exhaustion induced stupor. Anxiety claws at your chest, threatening to snap your ribs and leave you bleeding. You inhale deeply through your nose, then force yourself to let it out slowly so your body calms down. She’ll be fine. She’s got, what, thirty years on the force? This is old hat for her. She’ll keep herself safe.

Still, if you spend the next couple hours watching your phone, that’s no one’s business but yours.

***

Your phone rings around seven in the evening --right as you’re shovelling leftovers from lunch into your mouth.

Go figure.

You half-scramble, half-try-to-not-choke over to the phone; you pick up the phone, try to swallow, then tuck the food in your cheek like a hamster when it’s apparent you’ve got too much in your mouth to swallow. Mom always said I ate like a pack of polar bear dogs. “Heffo?”

There’s a dry huff of laughter on the other end of the line. “I take it I caught you at a good time.”

“Lin!” You cover your mouth with one hand (even though she can’t see you) and alternate between chewing and swallowing. “I --I was ea’in ‘inner.”

“Sounds like you decided to do it all at once.” She chuckles when you grumble, then moves on. “My secretary said you called?”

“Yeah, around lunch time,” you say as you finally get your mouth clear.

“Where I’m presuming you had your mouth full of that meal, too.”

“Fuck you.” You grin when she laughs, then lean against the wall and cradle the receiver against your shoulder. “I just… wanted to check on you. With the explosion and all.”

“You heard about that.”

“The whole city heard it, Lin.” You sigh. “I worked the triage team at Yue General until four in the morning.”

“Shit.” Lin groans, and you can hear the creak of her leather office chair as she sits. “I thought you only did massage therapy?”

“They call everyone who passed a healing course when stuff like this happens,” you explain. “Besides, I had to pass an intensive injury treatment course to get my rehabilitation certification. I’m licensed to assist surgery teams, if need arises.”

Lin hums. “That’s a nice feather in your cap.”

“It pays the bills.” You manage a smile when she lets out a huff of laughter, but the anxiety that’s been circling your brain descends to your stomach. You swallow, then ask, “Are you okay?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?” When you don’t respond right away, her voice softens. “I’m fine. A little banged up, but nothing that won’t heal. I wasn’t there when the explosion went off.”

“Okay,” you murmur. You let out a shaky breath, then mentally kick yourself to stop acting like a worried girlfriend, dammit. “Well, if something doesn’t heal, you know where to find me.”

Lin grunts, then chuckles when you laugh. “Get some rest, kid.”

“Already am. You should do the same.” You roll your eyes when she starts grumbling again --about overtime and press conferences and departmental cooperation with the city’s fire brigade--then say, “Call me when you want to keep me up all night again,” and hang up before she can react.

It’s easy to picture her reaction. Open-mouthed, wide-eyed, with that hint of a grin that she hides by smirking.

You bite your lower lip; something warm and smooth settles in your lower gut. You laugh quietly to yourself, then turn and head back for the sofa. Alright, leftovers. It’s just you and me.

***

You’re in the midst of changing the sheets on your massage table when there’s a knock on the door. “Come in.”

The latch clicks, the door swings open, and the receptionist for the Northern Moon Physical Therapy Facility pokes her head into your “office” (which is really just the room you work out of, but it’s yours, and that’s what counts). “A call came in for you.”

You straighten, frowning. “Me?”

She nods. “A request for on-site treatment.” She looks down at the slip of paper in her hand and recites the information from the call. “Republic City Police Department, at one this afternoon. Long session booking. A woman named Ryu called it in.”

Your heart sinks into your shoes. Fucking dammit. “And my other appointments…”

“We’re redistributing them to the other therapists. It was an urgent request.”

Shit.

You sigh, then nod and grab your carry bag off a nearby office chair. “Let me pack up, and I’ll catch one of the trams.”

“They’re sending a car for you.” The receptionist smiles politely, then steps back and starts making her way back down the hall. “It’ll be here in fifteen minutes!”

You run your tongue over your teeth and do what you can to tamp down the aggravation simmering in your stomach. Well, on the bright side, I don’t have to carry the table the entire way.

***

Ryu meets you in the parking garage attached to the police department. She’s sleek, dressed in an impeccably pressed navy blue suit, and there’s not a hair out of place on her head.

In your loose slacks, pale periwinkle blouse, and slapdash braid, you can’t help but feel a bit… frumpy.

She shakes your hand --she’s got a strong, professional handshake--then escorts you through the garage. “Thank you for coming.” She opens a heavy metal door stamped with the police department’s emblem for you. “I’ll take you up to Chief Beifong’s office.”

Your jaw flexes as you follow her down a hall with an immaculately polished slate tile floor. “How’s she been? What kind of pain has she been in?”

Ryu looks at you over her shoulder for a long moment. Her eyes narrow contemplatively, but she turns back around before you can make anything of her expression. “I’ve been asked to let Chief Beifong explain things to you directly.”

Yeah, that tracks. You shift the strap of your carry bag onto your shoulder, then watch the floor counter as the elevator slowly rattles upwards.