#Maz the alien

[mazu-art]

Mazu-Art Wrap 2024

Thank you very much to @lesbokyoko for putting this together for me! 😭🙇‍♂️

[zentriii]

sobbing. why do i have to go to class today

[mistofstars]

Was wir dieses Jahr alleine schon an Joko und Klaas shipworthy und einfach nur lustigen und zuckersüßen Momenten bekommen haben 🤯

Es ist gerade mal Anfang Mai! *Augen vor Staunen reib* (ich hau die zeitliche Reihenfolge vielleicht hier und da durcheinander)

Mit Palina angetütert Klamotten shoppen (und sich eine Umkleide teilen *hust*)

Joko und Klaas in einem YT Bonus Video machen eine Tik tok challenges "entweder oder" und Joko wählt Klaas und Klaas Joko 😫❤️

Bei dudw Wettfressen "Joko ist schwanger" und Klaas schimpft ihn, dass sie es keinem erzählen wollten 😂

Bei dudw Klaas' Weltmeister-Einlauf eigentlich nur ein Geschenk an Joko ("ich wusste ja, dass er da bisschen Spaß dran hat"): Das Bekenntnis zur Kleinhaftigkeit

Zusammen bei Jkvsp7 unnötig touchy und eng beieinander auf einen Rasenmäher steigen

Der virtuelle "Kuss" plus danach Händchen halten

Joko nennt Klaas "Süße", in der Jkvsp7 Folge ist die MAZ in Herrn Prosiebens Wohnung, wo sie kurz über das zusammen wohnen (ohne Sex?) sinnieren, wo Joko unterstreicht, dass das Verlangen schon groß wäre, wenn Klaas schon mal da ist 😁

Klaas springt Joko vor lauter Freude in die Arme beim Spiel Nahverkehr, als sie endlich ihre "Angstgegner" besiegt haben, und klammert sich an Joko grinsend fest

Klaas überrascht Joko bei den 15 Minuten (für mich war das die Antwort auf #DankeKlaas), indem er Joko als besten Menschen des Planeten in den Himmel lobt als Botschafter für die Aliens

Keine Woche später sitzt Joko als Überraschungsgast bei Late Night Berlin und will Klaas noch einmal zeigen, wie dankbar er für ihn ist und haut einen emotionalen, süßen Satz nach dem anderen raus (+ tanzt für ihn bzw war fake Tänzer lol) und Klaas setzt sich kurz vor der Werbung einfach auf Jokos Schoß

Han isch was verjesse?

Danj ergänzt gerne 🙏😁😘

[killershrike]

so I've really been struggling when it comes to exactly how much magic I want to be included in dark suspension, I want to keep the story feeling grounded and "real" but it is also a fantastical setting and meant to be a story you can use as an a escape from real life into fantasy.

A Song Of ice And fire series (the GOT show as well but specifically the books) have inspired me and So-yin's character a lot. Three of her biggest inspirations are Daenerys Targaryen, Margaery Tyrell, and Lyanna Stark. Outside of ASOIAF she's inspired by Persephone, Thomasin from The Witch, Dani Ardor from Midsommar, Ellen Ripley from Aliens, and Beatrix Kiddo from Kill Bill.

Anyways, in ASOIAF magic exists but has been nearly lost due to people forgetting the correct practices, just how the society had progressed, and other things. But it is absolutely still real though we've seen strong evidence that most (if not all) require blood sacrifice. Azor Ahai could only create Lightbringer when his wife Nissa Nissa agreed to let him plunge it through her heart. All the magic practiced in Valyria is directly tied to fire and blood magic. Dany only awoke her dragons once she sacrificed Drogo, Rhaego, and Mirri Maz Duur. Jojen paste- Three Eyed Raven most DEFINITELY had Bran eat Jojen's mashed up brain in order to properly awaken his Green magic. And so much more.

I really like that idea. That, because of So-yin's constraints on Earth and inability to offer blood, she couldn't properly practice magic. But once on Yautja Prime, she realizes that there is magic once she starts to use blood sacrifice. Obviously she's not gonna kill any innocent people, she would use animals that Ghost brings back from a hunt or she hunts.

I'm a little nervous to add this, though, because I worry that maybe it's "too much" or "too far" and will make readers lose their investment or suspension of disbelief. So I guess I'm just wondering what yalll think? I would still try to keep the magic as grounded as possible. I promise So-yin wouldn't be running around with a wand hurling fire balls at people out of her hands lmao it wouldn't become some sort of Harry Potter stuff. I'd keep it very tied into pagan and other practices, I like a certain grittiness to magic like the ones in ASOIAF. If a wizard from Harry Potter met any of the magic users in ASOIAF, the wizard would be instantly killed and sacrificed lmao. That's the type of magic I really like (though I love the Harry Potter type magic but in different scenarios haha)

Anyone have any ideas or thoughts? I'm totally open to criticism or suggestions etc!

[endwithajadestrick]

Who Is Fucking In Star Wars? A Non-Comprehensive List

So in honor(?) of the DDoS attack on Ao3 preventing us all from mainlining slash fic, I've decided to go horny on main and list off my opinion about 3 traits of all Star Wars characters. Our beloved Galaxy Far Far Away is a usually (tragically) chaste place, which may lead us to ponder about our faves:

Do they even know what sex is?

Have they ever actually HAD sex?

Are they any good at it?

We will not be including characters who are minors in this list. Obviously. Judgements are based somewhat on the lore, but really more on vibes. Perhaps it goes without saying, this will be lightly NSFW.

This is probably gonna take a while and stop feeling like a good idea halfway through. Which of your exes does that describe? Let's Go!!!

Starting with the big three:

Han Solo

Always begin with an easy one.

Does he even know what sex is? Yes, unlike a surprising number of people in this galaxy, Han knows how to do the do.

Has he ever had sex before? Sure (but not as often as he wants you to think). Do you, uh . . . maybe wanna get out of here and come back to his ship? She's called the Millenium Falcon.

Is he good at sex? Look. It's not going to be good the first time. He's gonna keep insisting that he "knows what he's doing," but you wish he would just let you explain what you like. He needs to be girlbossed around a little bit. And it is mostly girls for him, though the occasional guy and non-binary being has mounted that loading ramp too. His bedroom does smell kind of funny.

Luke Skywalker

This one may be controversial for some people.

Does he know what sex is? Nope. Farm boy didn't go to schmool. Skool? Am I saying that right? There were no copies of Our Bodies, Our Selves lying around the rebellion base, and you better believe the Sacred Jedi Texts did not include some kind of version of the Space Kama Sutra. Han wasn't gonna draw him a diagram either; that would be too embarrassing. This man is not learned in the pleasures of the flesh.

Has he ever had sex? Also no. He got into some light over-the-clothes action with Biggs Darklighter when they were teens, but nothing ever went any farther than that.

Is he good at sex? I'm sure a real earnest effort would be made, but we'll never know, will we. Because he DOES NOT KNOW what sex is.

Princess/General Leia Organa

Does she even know what sex is? Oh, absolutely. This woman was treated to an actual formal education. She probably even got a nice, progressive version of SexEd that talked about pleasure and consent and not just all the weird diseases you could get--assuming the Empire didn't nix that sort of thing on Alderaan, which, honestly, they might have.

Has she ever had sex? Of course. And despite being a princess, she's not that precious about courtship either. Casual flings are totally fine and normal.

Is she good at sex? Leia is mature but, like her hairstyles, can be a little tightly wound. Once you get over any initial awkwardness, though, it's sure to be a fun flirty time.

And this is Star Wars, so sooner or later we have to address--

Chewbacca

--the aliens of it all. Welcome, monster fuckers! It's not even weird in this universe!

Does he know what sex is? Chewy is canonically 234 years old as of TLJ, so I'm going to give this a definite yes. Also, he hangs out with Han Solo and all the doors in this universe appear to be panel-controlled. There are no door knobs to stick a sock on; he's SEEN some things.

Has he ever had sex? Again, 234 years old, and Chewy has never seemed like a wallflower. This is also a yes.

Is he good at it? Maz Kanata seems to think so? I don't pretend I have the predilections/imagination to get the appeal (though I honor those that do), but I'm gonna take a swing and say, yes, Chewbacca is a good lover. Solid stamina, surprisingly tender after-care.

Lando Calrissian

Does he know what sex is? Yes, and not just on a mechanical level. If anyone in this universe HAS read the Space Kama Sutra, it's Lando.

Has he ever had sex? He has. And he doesn't keep a list of all his past sexual partners because that would be crass. But he COULD tell you about each of them, names, dates, locations. But he won't. But he could.

Is he good at it? Surprisingly, yes! He may come across as a guy who is all talk, but Lando is an artist at heart and the democratically elected President of Consent. He has mood lighting set up and a tastefully curated playlist. The atmosphere is fun, the oral is enthusiastic. When you're done--wow!--there's a mini bar right near the bed. And would you like to borrow a silk robe?

Your magical evening will not prevent him from cheating you at cards later, though.

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Does he know what sex is? No. He learned once, but has since memory-holed the information. Otherwise he might accidentally experience some pleasure from the stick up his bum.

Has he ever had sex? Many beings have made valiant efforts to claim this beautiful man as a conquest. All have failed, but there was much exquisite yearning along the way.

Is he good at it? Hypothetically? Alas, my heart wants to say yes, but my head says no.

Padmé Amidala

Does she know what sex is? Look at this dress. This dress is a CHOICE, a ruthless tactical decision made by someone who definitely knows what sex is.

Has she ever had sex? Yes, but her taste in men--oh, honey.

Is she good at it? A pillow princess if there ever was one. You will be doing all the work.

Anakin Skywalker

Does he know what sex is? No.

Has he ever had sex? Yes.

Is he good at it? . . . and I know those answers seem contradictory, but it's true. This is a man who has had normal, consensual adult sex. However, baby boy's brain is full of more holes than a colander. He is dummy thick actually in the head region. He is incapable of retaining complex thoughts such as the nuances of sexuality.

That said, he is a creature of pure instinct and, like, yeah, the lovemaking is pretty hot.

Mace Windu

Does he know what sex is? Yes.

Has he ever had sex? No.

Is he good at it? If it ever happened, which it won't? No, and Mace is possibly the only Sammy J character for whom this holds true. It would be strictly procreative missionary. No fun allowed.

Yoda

Does he know what sex is? Yes, he is aware. Knowledge is this little frog man's burden; Yoda is too in touch with the Force, the life energy of the universe, not to know. He WOULD not know if he could, but he has had to settle for just ignoring the information.

Has he ever had sex? You know I am genuinely stumped on this one. On one hand, he is the perfect ascetic Jedi sage. On the other hand, a nine hundred year lifespan is a long time . . . anything could have happened to this lilliputian enigma.

Is he good at it? Size matters not.

The Mandalorian

Yeah I know his name is "Din Djarin." Shush.

Does he know what sex is? I'm pretty sure this guy thinks that babies are found, not made. He does not know what sex is.

Has he ever had sex? I don't care what season one implied about Mando and that toothsome twi'lek, it's never happened. The helmet doesn't come off and the trousers don't drop.

Is he good at it? And here's the tragedy of it all, right? Because we know that underneath that impenetrable layer of beskar lies such a man. I don't even care if he's an ace, as seems plausible. Just the chance to look him in the eye would mean worlds.

Finn

Does he know what sex is? Negative, Ghost Rider. It's not something the First Order teaches their child soldiers, and the Resistance, like the rebellion of old, has bigger fish to fry. Poe wants to explain it to him, but feels like he has a dog in that race and it wouldn't be right.

Has he ever had sex? Men, women, and other beings are lining up around the corner for a shot at this man, but he only has eyes for one woman, and she in turn may be legitimately the only person in the galaxy who does not pine for him. Hang in there, Finn! Maybe one day she'll become emotionally available.

Is he good at it? While we have seen Finn makes some selfish moves along his journey--mainly because of, y'know, all the trauma--he has done a lot of growing and is an essentially generous spirit. This gets a yes.

Rey Skywalker

Does she know what sex is? Not in either The Force Awakens or The Last Jedi, but before Rise of Skywalker Leia explained it to her. She's the future of the Jedi after all, and this is basic stuff, goddammit Luke!

Has she ever had sex? Hmm, what's that? Sorry, she's super busy right now with, like, destiny and stuff.

Is she good at it? Rey seems to pick most things up fairly quickly, so you have to imagine that would hold true for l'amour as well, except that she'll also be a bit of a try-hard. Do less, sweety. Really, it's fine.

Lightning Round

Asajj Ventress

Yes, yes, and it depends on the answer to one question: do you enjoy pain?

L3-37

It Works.

Cinta Kaz

Yes, yes, and not just good but so good it will politically radicalize you.

Karis Nemik

No, which is a shame because you know that he would have made sex-positive feminism and queer theory a huge part of his manifesto.

Count Dooku

Gay, and pulled legendary numbers of exquisite vintage ass across the galaxy. It's the real reason Sidious traded him in for simple, pussy-whipped Anakin. He just couldn't take it anymore.

Luthen Rael

Hope you like role-play.

Armitage Hux

Yes, it's true; this man has no dick.

Qi'ra

Yes, yes, and good but maybe in a dangerous way? Like drugs, it's possible that you--maybe even most people--could have a healthy, well-adjusted relationship to it. But there's a chance also that it will alter your brain chemistry, fundamentally shift your priorities, and ruin your life. The only way for sure to be safe is not to try it, not even once!

The Bendu

The One in the Middle. So in this case, would that be, like, the taint?

Reva Sevander

I mean, do you like it freaky? How freaky do you like it? There are levels to this sort of thing, and you, through no fault of your own, may not be ready for this ride.

Cassian Andor

Cassian Andor fucks.

The Armorer

I tried to get a read on this one, and all I picked up was radio static. We'll never know. We'll just never know.

Rose Tico

Rose appears naive at first, but she's actually quite worldly and will rock yours.

Bo-Katan Kryze

I daresay more than 2% of us want her to sit on our face. Ms. Sackoff was really lowballing it. Bo does not know what sex is, however, and is rarely in listening-mode, so that's a hurdle we'll have to overcome.

But it's more than 2%.

Poe Dameron

Yes, yes, and does it even matter? It would be an honor just to be considered, sir.

Hera Syndulla

Whatever Lola wants, Lola gets. Apparently what Lola wants is an inexperienced, sexually repressed Jedi hotty. In this way, she is the true queen of Star Wars fandom. Captain our ship, Hera!

And Finally:

Kylo Ren

I do not understand the hold this man has on some of you--which is fine; you don't need me to understand it. He does not know what sex is, he is so horny and angry all the time. And sure, maybe you CAN fix him by completing his education. Blessings, angels. Live your fantasy.

Just promise me you'll use protection? And I don't mean a condom, I mean body armor.

[finnstansonly]

reading lore books for sw is so funny bc sometimes there’s annotations from a character name I dont recognize so I look them up and I actually do recognize them but they have extra lore from the comics bc what do you mean the big four armed alien guy from that diner in the prequels was on again off again w Maz Kanata going back to the high republic days!!! Talking abt her so lovingly like she’s the one who got away agsjdjdjfj

[the-cryptographer]

finished A Game of Thrones today. rambling post that covers stuff over the last couple weeks.

Incredibly embarrassing to me that both Renly and Littlefinger lay out terms for their support of Ned, he refuses them both, but then still goes on believing he can rely on their help on his terms. Like him expecting Renly to stick around and support him and being so shocked pikachu face that Renly up and left overnight. Of course Petyr betraying Ned was really a matter of 'when' more than 'if', and I'm only tentatively willing to believe that Renly was better in that regard, but any support better than no support in those circumstances, Ned, omg.

Ned and Cersei really do have chemistry hate to say it. Did very much enjoy him telling her to take her children and flee, something something Robert's wrath. And Cersei's line, 'And what of my wrath?' Extremely good and sexy.

Was kinda dreading the story of Tyrion's first love/wife being brought up, and I was right to be. I don't remember having this strong a reaction to his character first time around, but the madonna-whore dichotomy between [vaguely-described first wife who I think tbh would be entirely justified wanting to marry this dude for his money first and his personality second because we certainly have very little info about why she fell for him] and Shae is a-ha *grimace*. I'm a fan of the books over the show in most regards, but I do think the show deciding to just focus more on Shae is one of those choices I think was unequivocally for the best. and knowing where all this is going (femicide) the thing I am most excited to see is how intentionally evil the whole thing comes off to me in this rereading. I think there's a lot to be said about Tyrion being the child that most resembles Tywin - for better and for worse - but it will be nice to see how much the worse part gets textual acknowledgement.

For some reason I thought Maester Aemon being a Targaryen was something they didn't reveal until later books. Tho tbh with a name like Aemon it was hardly a secret so idk why I thought that.

Hoster Tully appearance! I am liking the juxtaposition between Brynden Blackfish and Lysa Tully Arryn. Two people who Hoster Tully drove away by trying to get them to marry people they did not want to marry. But Brynden, by virtue of age and sex, esd successfully able to refuse, where Lysa wasn't. And in the end Brynden and Hoster are able to reconcile, where Hoster and Lysa are not.

I have like... zero interest in involving myself with the discourse about whether Sansa or Dany is the worse expression of white feminism. (You just have to accept these books were written by a straight white dude at some point, lol) But I will say I found the whole section with Mirri Maz Duur pretty fascinating for touching on some of the discourse topics. Like- Dany alienates the khalasar by disrespecting their culture and interpretation of the maegi, after building up her influence in contrast with her brother by embracing the khalasar's culture. Dany is told that her attempts to 'save' Mirri Maz Duur were fumbling and naive and far little too late, and she wasted time patting herself on the back for being nice without considering what Mirri lost to the khalasar. And I don't know how much it was intentional, but Mirri's challenge 'you see how much life is worth, when everything else is gone' is kind of interesting in the context of Dany making the decision to free the remaining slaves of the khalasar in the aftermath. Like... in a weird way it's almost an answer to the questions Mirri ended up posing. 'What gives a life value?' And Dany perhaps deciding life by itself doesn't mean much, but freedom is one of the things that gives it meaning, and therefore investing in that? Idk, I don't expect this whole arc to be handled with the utmost tact, but I will say I think early on the story gets in on questioning how much Dany understands the cultures she is imposing herself upon and building her legacy off and how much she can meaningfully answer many of the questions being posed to her by woc.

In general I'm surprised at how much this book feels incomplete and more like a setup for later developments than a standalone work. A lot of these characters' storylines are ending on rising action rather than falling, and I think it's not until Storm of Swords that many of them end in a more natural (if temporary) resolution.

Am thinking I will take a break before I get into A Clash of Kings. I am currently one chapter into Diamond's Guns, Germs, and Steel, so I'm planning to finish that before moving forward with more asoiaf. But-!

What I'm Most Looking Forward To!

THEON CHAPTERS! I believe the Theon Greyjoy chapters start next book and I am super hyped for them, partially because he's such a horrible bitch from everyone's perspective in the first book! There's not a single POV character who likes him in book one. Every section with him is there to point out that he's a sadistic little shit that's always mocking everyone. I'm so hyped to see him take the spotlight and show us how horrible or not he is from his own perspective.

More Sansa! And the Sansa who's no longer blindly in love with Joff! Excited to see her endure her time at King's Landing now that she is solidly cut off from any meaningful support.

Unexpectedly excited for the Cat chapters as well! I'm really enjoying the drama with the Tullys and the Freys. And I believe she is the most direct perspective we get on Renly next book - and I'm excited to see how much I believe he always intended to claim the throne himself, or whether he was sincere in suggesting he and Ned use Joff as their puppet ruler instead.

[rien-maz]

And so, I finished watching this show and you know, dumber than this show can only be the Disney cartoon of the century, for both are storyless, holey, raw and meaningless pictures that make you want to wash your eyes out.

So this is a continuation or addition to the first post about analyzing this "miracle". https://www.tumblr.com/rien-maz/755293709600456704/and-so-i-avoiding-all-spoilers-finished-my

First, I still had hope that Leslie would deign to "plug" the plot holes in the last two episodes, but no, that didn't happen.

After watching, there are still a bunch of questions and here are a few of them:

How did Mei get saved? How did our Sith pretty boy find her? How were the two twins created? Why are they the same person? Why does Darth Plagas show up there? What is his significance? Why doesn't physics work in this show? Why the fuck is Yoda suddenly unable to sense with the jedi force? What role does Mei's mark on her forehead play? Why are the two sisters acolyte? And so it goes on and on ad infinitum.

A little disclaimer: this post will contain rude words and phrases, heaps of sarcasm, and a suggestion that the ratings of this show be collapsed for spitting Leslie Hadland in the face of all Star Wars fans.

Let's start with the seventh episode: Leslie apparently wanted to add action to her terrible picture and filmed a scene of Saul chasing after Mei, trying to mimic Fast and Furious. But!

Before that, I had a question, how does Mei know about the concept of hell? Because I don't remember the star wars universe talking about heaven and hell even once. If my memory serves me correctly, all dead souls "fall into the Force".

Oh yeah, in this fine series we also have the "unkillable protagonist" principle at work, who went through the atmosphere at breakneck speed and didn't even bother to use the Force to slow his fall. Yeah, yeah, screw the basic skills of Force users.

I laughed at the conversation between the Senator and our main antagonist in the form of a green-skinned woman (I didn't even try to remember her name and I won't apologize for that). Did you smell something in that scene?

Oh yes, the romanticization of violence, particularly the dark side of the Force. Leslie, ignoring all the laws of Lucas' universe, made the Sith not the rapists and murderers who are alien to the humanity and compassion that kept slaves during the Emperor's reign on Dromund Kaas, and not only in those times. Even going back to the origins of the Sith, we know that the Sith were a race that lived on Korriban (if I remember correctly), and wow, you wouldn't believe it! They had slaves as a class in society too. Leslie made the Sith the poor saps that crave freedom from Jedi oppression.

Leslie is fucked up if she wants to romanticize those who killed, who betrayed, who plotted against each other, who destroyed, who perverted and who are simply evil in the flesh (the same Nikhilus, Darth Plagas, Darth Bane, Darth Tyranus, Darth Sidious (where else), etc.). Basically, Leslie romanticized Anakin Skywalker's killing of children with such a moment. After all, oh oh oh oh he's a poor guy who chose to be free of a "delusional cult".

Well done! Way to go! Good point, because killing other people is so cool, right, Leslie Hadland? That's what you're doing in this fucking show, saying that all Jedi are fucking egomaniacs who care about their own feelings and emotions (Mace Windu, Plo Koon, Obi-Wan Kenobi and the rest of the Jedi, along with their codes and teachings, fuck you).

But back to the series and its dumb plot, which there isn't.

Where were we? Oh yeah, on how I'm trashing this whole show and Leslie.

So, let's get on with it. The actors' performance was mentioned in the first post, so I won't repeat for the hundredth time what characters are flat, emotionless and so on. But I will talk about the motivation of the characters, that is, its absence. Seriously, neither the handsome Sith, nor Mei, nor Saul, nor Osha has any motivation. Osha hasn't changed at all since the first episode, she doesn't learn anything and just moves from one point to another just because other characters drag her there.

Zimmir's motivation for taking Acolyte's child as an apprentice is incomprehensible at all, simply because Leslie forgot to tell him what he's for and what powers he has.

I also have a question about the transformation of Oshi's lightsaber from blue to red. Because I only remember about the synthetic crystals that the Sith used to create their sword. But after poking around on the internet, I removed that statement. I didn't get a chance to pick on Leslie, unfortunately.

The biggest complaint about the last two episodes is where Mundi went and why Yoda, being the most powerful Jedi, didn't feel Zimmer cut out a group of Jedi and didn't feel cheated by Rowe (oh! I even remembered her name!) Why does the Jedi High Council care so absolutely nothing about missing and dead Jedi? Oh yeah, Leslie wants to show that, say, look what scum and moral freaks the Jedi are, just selfish!

In general, I could grumble for a long time, but I think you understood the main point and also realized how stupid this series is. As Dmitry Puchkov said "wasted time is a pity. One hundred percent digested feces."

So, in the end, what do we have? Osha and Zimmir's love line; Jedi egomaniacs and the romanticization of violence.

In fact, I suggest that for this spit, no, for the fact that Leslie spit in the face of Star Wars fans, to collapse the rating of this product on all platforms, so that Leslie realized that it is not worth offending fans.

[garblixdligzoog]

//CW: Psychotic autism stuff. (Yes I'm autistic.)

TRANZCRIPT LOG 08-12-22:

Subject(z): Frank "Zpud" ?̷͖̭͊̅̍̂̽͗̾̓̊̀̽̈͘̕#̴͍͕̞͍̦̜̣̐̾͆̈́͋̈̆͌̈̉͗̚̕͝!̶̛͖̱̹̹̾̐͒͘͠?̵̪̘̺͎̪̫̮̈͛͐̂̈́̎̓̋̋̋͂̓̎̐̔̊͝��̼̻͇̣̜$̶̢̨̧͇̞͔̮͈͕̖̟̮͙̳̲̈́̔̀́̽͘͘͠(̷̥̣̗̞͐̿̒̅̏̑̾͐̍̃̽̿̿͑̕͝#̷̧̡̬̫̺̭̪̱̞̺̹̥͙̮̃̏̆̿͑̉̅̐̎͛͘

Operator(z): Gnarpy, Dr. Zlazik, Garblix Dligzoog

Witnezzez: M.L.z Zoigzar and Troz.

[FOR MAIN LEADERZ' EYEZ ONLY]

(8:04 A.M.)

[Gnarpy enterz room with Dr. Zlazik. Garby iz waiting in the operating room.]

Gnarpy: Uugh... Zeebloing bloodz everywhere... Hurk...

Zlazik: Do not worry about zuch thingz, gnarpy... Our newezt co-leader to-be needz zome guidance!

Garblix Dligzoog: Huh...? Who, me?!

Zlazik: Yez, you, blue zoldier! What iz your name?

Garblix Dligzoog: Uhhm... Garblix Dligzoog... but everyone callz me garby...

Gnarpy: GHAHAHAHAAA! WHAT KIND OF GNARPIAN NAME IZ THAT?! I'M JUZT GONNA CALL YOU GARBAGE!

[Gnarpy pointz and laughs at Garblix Dligzoog. However, Zlazik zlaps the back of xis head.]

Gnarpy: OWH! WHAT WAZ THAT FOR, YOU ZEEBLOING!?

Zlazik: BEHAVE YOURZELF, YOUR BLOOD ZTATUZ MAY GIVE YOU A FREE ROLE AZ A MAIN LEADER, YOU ZOULD ACT LIKE ONE!

[Zlazik iz berating gnarpy, while Garblix Dligzoog peeks behind the curtain. There iz an earthling labeled "Frank".]

Garblix Dligzoog: Iz... Iz thiz the earthling we're gonna be working on?"

[Troz appears behind garby, putting xis paw on xis shoulder.]

Troz: Why yez, little one... You and Gnarpy will have a paw in thiz!

Garblix Dligzoog: What...? Me?! But I'm not a co-leader yet! I don't even have anything done in medical licenzing!

Troz: We do not care if you have that, thiz iz an experimental procedure. We begin at 10! No later than thatz, mlorp!

(9:58 A.M.)

[Garblix, Gnarpy and Zlazik are provided tools for the operation. While Gnarpy and Zlazik are confident, Garby looks terrified.]

Zlazik: ...Zomething on your mind, Garby?

Garblix Dligzoog: Y-yez... Iz the patient gonna be under? I don't want him to feel the pain...

Zlazik: ....Yez... Yez, he'z gonna be out... I promise...

[At the operating theatre, Troz zcoffed at annoyance.]

Troz: Pah... What a foolizh gnarpian, why waz he elected az a new co-leader?!

Zoigzar: Didn't you read xis file?... I don't want to mention it while the tranzcriptz are running. ...It'z related to INCIDENT ZERO.

Troz: You mean that zeebloing who maz-

[Troz zaps Zoigzar in aggression and fear.]

Troz: ZHUT IT! If thiz getz out to the public, there WILL be a rebellion! And you know what happenz during rebellionz?!

Zoigzar: ...The leaderz get overthrown!?

Troz: Including uz, yez! Look down there, the human iz waiting for the pain...

[The curtainz draw back for Frank, revealing the Gnarpianz ready to experiment.]

Frank: O-oh god no! Aliens! They're real! And they're... Space cats?!

Gnarpy: ZHUT UP!

[Gnarpy proceeds to knock Frank in the head with the back of a drill.]

Zlazik: Zeebloing, I am going to zay thiz once. Tell uz who thiz... "Demon" iz, and we will make zure your experimentation iz painlezz.

Frank: What demon?! I don't know what you're talking about! L-let me go!

Gnarpy: Now I'm gonna zay it thiz way... I could crack your zkull open, zee each neuron that iz in your brain, picking them out ONE BY ONE UNTIL WE FIND THAT ZPECIFIC MEMORY! Ohh... And how about I zew your eyez to your armz, and zplit the zkin off your muzcle?

Garby: z-ztop...

Zlazik: I remember you zaying zomething about a "rock" when xe firzt abducted you yezterday. Brain zcanz zhowed a... hideouz looking creature.

Gnarpy: And that zorplobo zhadow... WHAT OF THAT THING, HUH!?

Frank: I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN! I CAN'T SAY WHAT I CAN'T DESCRIBE!

[Garblix appears more diztrezzed, clinging onto xis earz.]

Gnarpy: Maybe if you won't zpeak, I'll even get that earthling female, who waz zhe called? ZARAH?!

Garblix Dligzoog: Z-ZTOP ZAYING THAT ZTUFF!!

[The room falls zilent, with Gnarpy, the main leaderz, and Zlazik looking at xim.]

Garblix Dligzoog: CAN'T YOU ZEE HE'Z DIZTREZZED?! YOU'VE ABDUCTED XIM FROM XIS OWN HOME PLANET, A-AND HE'Z ZCARED! YOU ZHOULDN'T BE DOING THIZ, WE ZHOULDN'T BE DOING THIZ! IT'Z AGAINZT EVERYTHING GNARPIANZ WERE!

[...Gnarpy, zlazik and the main leaders all burst into laughter.]

Gnarpy: ZZHHAHAHAHAAA! OF COURZE YOU WOULD ZAY THAT! THAT'Z THE ZLEEBIEZT THING I'VE EVER HEARD! BY THE EMPEROR, I'M GONNA DIEE!!!

[Gnarpy seems to be tearing up, facial recognition cannot be calculated. Tears of joy or tearz of zadness??]

Troz: GNHFFEHHEEHEEH! How about we make XIM operate on the zeebloing!? Pleaze! I want to zee xis face when hiz bonez zplit at the atomz!

Garblix Dligzoog: N-NO PLEAZE! NOT ME!! NOT WHILE HE'Z AWAKE!!

Gnarpy: Welp, xe zaid it, not me! Xe'z the main leader! Alright, time to zhow uz your cutting zkillz! I'll help you get ztarted!

[Gnarpy proceeds to grab a zcalpel, placing it in garblix'z paw.]

Garblix Dligzoog: Pleaze forgive me, ztrange earthling...

[The experimentation goez underway, Garblix lookz very diztrezzed while Gnarpy and The main leaderz laugh. Zlazik however, feelz bad for Garby. The experimentation and screaming went on for twenty hourz, blood haz covered the wallz and floor, along with Gnarpy and Garblix. Frank left disfigured by the experiment.]

Garblix Dligzoog: I feel... zo violated... all againzt my will...

Gnarpy: Lookz like we need the memory wipe for thiz one, or zhould we take out the trazh...?

Zlazik: ...I'll get the brainzcrubber.

[END OF TRANSCRIPT.]

[spongebobafettywap]

The frustrating part about Nightcrawler's entire situation is that technically his original parentage idea was made canon 20 years ago.

The closest thing we had to Claremont's original plan was part of Nightcrawler's canon lore through the creation of Azazel : Azazel is everything the Nightmare parentage (true OG one) could have provided for Nightcrawler's character without the issue of making Nightcrawler part magical or some kind of extra-dimensional demonic entity like Nightmare which would have happened with Claremont's pitch... U know, until Azazel got retconned into being a demon (by, surprise surprise, Claremont). Hell, I once stumbled on Dave Cockrum's original DC pitch for Nightcrawler and it had elements that were nearly identically made canon. Not sure if u ever seen it Maz but pretty sure u can easily find it online, the gist of it is : The pitch for Nightcrawler became Azazel.

We had Claremont AND Cockrum's original (even if not great) concepts canon in 616 and no one realized it...

Now we have nothing especially because at no point did Claremont ever imply Nightcrawler's relationship with his biological parents would have been good or ended in hugs and forgiveness while his adoptive family becomes a placeholder and gets forgotten about by everyone including Nightcrawler himself.

Yeah its kind of odd because technically Azazel does follow the original Claremont idea as you said Nightmare was a Demon, Aazel was retconned by Claremont to be a Demon. Really I don't get why people hate Demons being part of Nightcrawler's biology, in reality Demons aren't all inherently evil thats a Christian belief not a universal truth. But also? this is Marvel even if Demons were all evil this is a universe that frequently has Demonic beings or similar creatures being on the side of good.

And people can't claim "oh i dont like fantastical elements in X-men" they have MAGIC USERS on their team they regularly talk to a whole Legion of Superheroes group of Aliens who play Star Wars irl. Sometimes I just think like is it me being autistic and looking at things logically that I can't understand this emotional want and need for X-men to be some type of realistic science fiction despite it being in Marvel and despite the fact that they often spin out of realism for storylines. I did read the DC pitch, back then Nightcrawler was meant to be an alien Demon haha.

[chromium-siren]

I was watching an episode of Face Off where they made alien beauty pageant queens and this came to mind. You decide who will win, though I think Jannah might be the winner. (I’m going to say that the other contestants are Bazine Netal, Omera, Padme, Leia, Sabine, and Ahsoka. Sabine didn’t want to do it.)

Welcome to the Miss Galaxy Pageant! All of these ladies are being mentored by last year’s winner, Maz Kanata, who represented Takodana. And here are some of the contestants now!

Meet Miss Hays Minor. She is a skilled mechanic who plans on opening her own workshop and helping people throughout the galaxy. Her hobbies include tinkering, collecting scrunchies, and riding fathiers. She even has a mini porg sanctuary inhabited by her feathered friends from Ahch-To, many of whom she has named. She’s also looking for a potential Miss Right, but for now she’s focusing on her current career as a member of the Resistance. Say hello to Miss Hays Minor!

Meet Miss Kef Bir. New to the pageant scene, she wanted to participate in order to try something new. In her spare time, she likes to swim, work with the Resistance, and is a skilled archer. Her dream is to provide aid to anyone who defected from the First Order as well as to enjoy her independence. She would also like to try her hand at fostering tooka kittens. Say hello to Miss Kef Bir!

Meet Miss Parnassos. She grew up on a planet ravaged by the ConStar Mining Company, which has shown her resilience and how to adapt. She is in charge of a battalion of stormtroopers and is quite the taskmistress. Her greatest desire is to become Supreme Empress of the Galaxy and to keep leading her army of stormtroopers. Her hobbies include drilling her troops, metal craft, singing, and seducing generals. Say hello to Miss Parnassos!

Meet Miss Nunya Jakku. Miss Jakku is, in her own words, an absolute newcomer to pageants. She is skilled in the Force, and her greatest dream is to be an eventual Jedi. In her spare time, she enjoys scavenging for things to upcycle, enjoying all sorts of snacks, and going on dates with that cute former stormtrooper who is also a Jedi like her. Say hello to Miss Jakku!

[dzthenerd490]

File: The Faculty

SCP#: ADL

Code Name: Water Parasites

Object Class: Neutralized

Special Containment Procedures: By the time Mobile Task Force Beta-7 "Maz Hatters" made it to the [data expunged] high school, all parasite as well as SCP-ADL itself was already dead. All samples including the corpse itself had dissolved and the infected hosts were cured as the parasites left their body. MTF Beta-7 was quickly ordered to retreat before the towns people of [data expunged] woke up. Instead, Mobile Task Force Gamma-5 "Red Herrings" was deployed to give everyone in the town to monitor the civilians and quickly capture said civilians to give them Class C Amnestics along with the neurological treatment. Afterwards all information regarding SCP-ADL was erased from the public, and all civilians regarding the incident were properly Amnestized.

Description: While it was alive, SCP-ADL was a multi-cellular parasite that could only survive in water. SCP-ADL is seemingly a cephalopod entity with normally four large tentacles but can manifest an unknown number more. Despite being a cephalopod entity SCP-ADL has teeth, a skull, and spine making it the only cephalopod that is a vertebrate. Thought it shouldn't be surprising that SCP-ADL doesn't follow our laws of biology and nature since it is an alien. SCP-ADL came from a world where the planet was composed of an endless ocean with no islands in the surface. However, it came to our world after a cataclysmic event caused the oceans to dry up forcing SCP-ADL to leave and come to earth to survive off of our water.

SCP-ADL is actually one of the new anomalies that are referred to as a Sexvitae Hazard Anomaly. Sexvitae Hazard describes anomalies that can grow in great power should they come into contact with one of the six elements of life being Carbon, Hydrogen, Nitrogen, Oxygen, Phosphorus, and/or Sulfur. Not to be confused with an Avgotheo Hazard which is an anomaly that can reach even Apollyon Object Class Threat Level but only when extremely specific requirements are met. SCP-ADL earns its Sexvitae Hazard due to its ability to absorb massive amounts of water into its body to control its own biology, allowing it to look human, this doesn't appear to be hard as SCP-ADL's average size is 6ft being quite close to human height. SCP-ADL is also able to create parasites that share a telepathic link with itself thanks to water.

SCP-ADL's parasites are lesser versions of itself being so small they can fit in hosts ears allowing them to quickly infect the brain. The parasites are able to instantly multiply in water allowing them to not only survive in a host via their blood but to also quickly overtake the host. However, this also quickly drains the host as the parasite requires lots of water in order to survive. As such a tell-tale sign of infection is the hosts insatiable desire to stay hydrated and drink lots of water. Because of the parasite's need for constant hydration and fresh blood the host must be relatively healthy, young, and not under the influence of drugs, alcohol, or other substances that can quickly dehydrate the body.

If the host is too old, has a weak body, diseased body, is under heavy influence of drugs or alcohol then the host will quickly dehydrate and start to fall apart. Those that survive have a telepathic communication to SCP-ADL allowing it to control them and make them its slaves through the parasites. The parasites are also able to allow the host to heal extremely fast, become faster and stronger, and can even physically mutate when in constant contact with water such as being in the rain or in a pool. However, like parasites, the host is vulnerable to salt, caffeine, alcohol, and other substances that can dehydrate the host. It should be noted that SCP-ADL shares the same weaknesses.

Because of SCP-ADL's parasites, it's seemingly immortality through water, and its own biological manipulation as well as the biological manipulation of its hosts, SCP-ADL would have been labeled as a Keter class anomaly had it not been for the [data expunged] town incident. SCP-ADL was discovered in 1998 when Mobile Task Force Iota-10 "Damn Feds" were attacked by police at the town of [data expunged] infected with SCP-ADL's parasites. Thankfully all Foundation agents and personnel in the area were able to evacuate as SCP-ADL started spreading its parasites. During its infection SCP-ADL ordered its parasites to have the local police quarantine the area to make finding those that were not yet infected in the town easier for SCP-ADL. Conveniently this also worked out in the favor of the Foundation as it gave the staff ample time to form a plan agaisnt SCP-ADL.

Because of the biological based threat SCP-ADL and its parasites posed, Mobile Task Force Beta-7 "Maz Hatters" was mobilized. Armed with anti-parasite biohazard suits, anomalous biological detection gas masks, and Foundation shotguns. The shotguns being laced with a chemical that quickly dehydrates the body. Three squads of MTF Beta-7 each consisting of four units, where sent into the town to stop SCP-ADL. the first was sent to the police station, the second to hospital, and the third to the [data expunged] high school which was believed to the origin point. Several hosts were killed in conflict but before it became too violent the hosts suddenly turned back to normal as the parasites left their bodies and died.

Unfortunately, both the parasites and SCP-ADL disintegrated, leaving no trace of its existence. Thought this did make containing the evidence of SCP-ADL's existence to the public easier, it also made understanding SCP-ADL's full biology impossible. The only reason the Foundation knows what it does about SCP-ADL is because of the civilians that contributed to the death of SCP-ADL. All four of them were given the choice to join the Foundation thanks to their contributions as per directive under protocol "Sole Survivor". At first, they were hesitant, but they did join when they learned of the perks as well as their desire to not be forced to forget everything that happened. All of four were instantly promoted to Level [data expunged] Foundation staff due to their talents, luck, and contributions of information on SCP-ADL. Their current status is [data expunged].

.

SCP: Horror Movie Files Hub

[rickyycarloos]

5 Game yang Paling Sulit yang Menguji Kesabaran

Kembali pada hari itu, satu-satunya cara untuk melewati permainan yang sulit adalah menjadi baik atau meminta bantuan teman. Dengan pemikiran ini, saya memutuskan untuk menyusun daftar beberapa permainan paling sulit yang saya ingat bermain sebagai seorang anak.

1. Contra

Contra tidak hanya terkenal karena memperkenalkan para gamer ke kode Konami tetapi juga karena menjadi salah satu Game Online co-op sofa pertama dan paling menyenangkan di NES. Saya masih ingat menghabiskan berjam-jam dengan tetangga sebelah kami mencoba untuk mengalahkan permainan.

Tentu saja, apa yang dimulai sebagai dua pahlawan Rambo-esque yang melawan gerombolan tentara musuh segera menjadi perjuangan hidup dan mati melawan ras alien yang aneh. Pemain tidak hanya harus menghadapi ancaman dunia lain ini, tetapi game ini juga mencampuradukkan berbagai hal dengan memperkenalkan level seperti 3D.

Apakah saya menyebutkan permainan juga memiliki timer? Ini berarti bahwa duduk dan meluangkan waktu Anda adalah kemewahan yang tidak dimiliki pemain.

Untungnya, kode Konami menganugerahi pemain dengan 30 nyawa. Namun, bahkan ini tidak membuat segalanya lebih mudah. ​​Contra jelas merupakan salah satu game paling sulit di luar sana.

2. Ghosts ‘N Goblins

Sebagian besar game di NES menugaskan pemain untuk menemukan dan menyelamatkan seorang putri di sebuah kastil. Salah satu game tersebut adalah Ghosts ‘N Goblins yang terkenal sulit.

Ini adalah permainan yang dibintangi seorang pahlawan yang kehilangan sepotong baju besi setiap kali dia dipukul sampai dia akhirnya berlarian hanya dengan pakaian dalamnya, memperlihatkan semua bagian lembutnya pada serangan cakar runcing dan senjata tajam yang terus-menerus. Game ini juga sering memberikan penjemputan kepada pemain yang sebagian besar tidak berguna.

Ikuti saran saya dan tetap dengan pisau. Bagian terburuknya adalah, ketika akhirnya menyelesaikan permainan, Anda diberitahu, dengan gaya Mario sejati, bahwa sang putri, pada dasarnya, berada di kastil lain, mendorong Anda untuk memainkan seluruh permainan sekali lagi.

3. Battletoads

Mengendarai gelombang “hewan bermutasi remaja” yang pertama kali dimulai oleh Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Battletoads adalah sekelompok pahlawan amfibi yang keluar untuk menyelamatkan alam semesta dari kejahatan.

Meskipun permainan yang relatif sulit saat bermain pemain tunggal, kesulitan cenderung melonjak secara eksponensial saat bermain dengan mitra co-op. Juga, ingat level hoverbike terkutuk yang menugaskan pemain untuk menghindari rintangan menggunakan refleks cepat pencahayaan dan memori gajah? Oh, dan apakah saya menyebutkan bahwa Anda hanya memiliki tiga nyawa untuk menyelesaikan permainan?

Rekomendasi: Review Fire Emblem: Heroes, Game Pertempuran Epik

4. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Berpegang pada pahlawan bermutasi, game Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles di NES adalah salah satu game pertama di mana saya ingat menjadi marah karena terjebak pada satu bagian tertentu.

Ini adalah bagian bawah air yang menugaskan pemain untuk menavigasi Turtle pilihan mereka melalui labirin rumput laut bermuatan listrik yang mematikan. Tentu, dengan dedikasi dan kesabaran yang cukup, permainan dapat diselesaikan, tetapi berkat bagian bawah air, saya tidak pernah melihat kredit akhir bergulir.

5. Ninja Gaiden

Apa yang lebih keren dari menjadi seorang ninja? Masuk akal bahwa salah satu game terbaik di NES menempatkan Anda pada posisi Ryu Hayabusa, seorang ninja yang ingin membalas dendam. Kedengarannya seperti permainan impian setiap anak tahun 80-an. Yah, semacam itu.

Mungkin salah satu game terbaik di Maz Game, Ninja Gaiden juga merupakan salah satu game platformer side-scrolling yang paling sulit di luar sana. Dibutuhkan dedikasi dan keterampilan, serta dosis keberuntungan, untuk menyelesaikannya. Game ini memiliki semua yang Anda harapkan, gelombang musuh, bahaya lingkungan, dan bos yang tangguh.

Ini adalah permainan yang akan membuat Anda berteriak karena frustrasi, tetapi itu juga akan membuat Anda merasakan pencapaian yang memuaskan setelah Anda menyelesaikannya. Katakan apa yang Anda suka, tetapi Ninja Gaiden adalah salah satu game yang paling sulit untuk dimainkan.

[perfectharmonyloveschaos]

I have to wonder, if they were to include Zeb in Ahsoka or any live action star wars, which would be preferred: a cgi Zeb mo-capped (Steve Blum is literally the only person I will accept) or a Zeb made using makeup and prosthetics?

[determinedowl23]

How to make the perfect boss fight

An essay by yours truly

• A moment of “wait hold up I didn’t finish this yet?? I have to fight another boss??”

• DRAMATIC BUILDUP IS A MUST

• Design fitting for the setting of the game/level (just a badass design overall is good)

• KILLER MUSIC (bonus points if the theme is a remix of something else!)

• A ton of attacks similar to the player’s

• Multiple phases!!!!!

• Immense difficulty but not like Thunderblight difficulty

• Satisfying reward and overall satisfying fight

Yeah if it wasn’t clear there are only two perfect boss fights actually

[retrocgads]

UK 1983