#Mavis and Mookie

[anistarrose]

thoughts on taako and/or magnus babysitting merle's kids and the ensuing chaos that may result (passes you the mic)

oh, what a delight... for starters, I think that Mavis thinks the coolest person from the Story is Lucretia, and Mookie thinks the coolest person from the Story is Merle, obviously, but like, really closely followed by Lup. the second this becomes apparent to Taako and/or Magnus, they immediately dive into Win the Hero Worship of These Small Children mode. they're on that Cool Uncle Grind.

Taako tries to instill a love of cooking in these children, because Jeffandrew knows their father won't (Merle is actually a good enough cook to like, meet the most basic of dietary needs, but Taako's standards are orders of magnitude higher than that), but the furthest Taako gets with the kids is getting Mookie to watch hot dogs blowing up in the fantasy microwave.

Magnus takes them on a field trip to dog school. Taako takes them on a field trip to Taako's Amazing School of Magic, 'cause you've gotta start making an impression early or else they'll go to the competition, like Angus. Taako and Magnus both have big dreams of their respective field trips being interrupted by dastardly evildoers and powerful enemies, allowing them opportunities to save the day and prove to the children how badass they are — but were this a fic, there would be a running gag about Lup having brought Merle along for a Reaper mission where they keep almost crossing paths with their family, and thwarting necromancer's schemes just slightly out of view of Magnus and Taako before a real threat can present itself.

but don't worry, Merle is also constantly bemoaning that he can never succeed at anything cool or even uncharacteristically competent when any of his kids (whether big kids or little kids) are around to see him. they still love him though (even if the way Mavis finally opens up to Magnus and Taako is by discovering a shared love of roasting their father)

[entguarde]

MANIACAL CACKLING

It is here. The culmination of my finals-recently-finished burst of energy

I will be providing a visual description soon! I need to figure out what method would be best because I don't want people to have to jump from one place to another. If anyone has any and I mean ANY suggestions on a format, LET ME KNOW!!!

[soadscrawl]

more taz more taz more taz

so much love in this famillyyyyy

[karkatwaddles]

Mavis and mookie 🥰

To me i think dwarves sorta resemble deers in their facial features!! So uh here are what my mookie and mavis designs look like

Oh also I hc that mavis, eventually asks Merle to adopt her (while still like her mom being a big part of her life) and ends up taking on Merle's last name? So eheh.

[anistarrose]

[Image description: a digital line art comic of Merle and Lucretia from The Adventure Zone. Merle's a dwarf with an eyepatch and a curly beard, while Lucretia's a human with a short afro shaved on the sides.

Merle says: "Hey Lucretia," with a smile, and Lucretia replies: "What is it Merle?"

Merle grips his soulwood arm, and says: "Thank you."

Lucretia asks: "For what?" and the final panel cuts to Merle holding hands with Mookie and Mavis, facing away from the viewer. He replies: "... For taking me... to that god damn beach."

End description.]

headcanon

[psyche-hero]

Not to post about a podcast from like 2016 but can we just think about how extra messed up it would be to ask Taako Magnus and Merle to leave that world after ten years.

Taako, Magnus they had friends, connections. As a found family truther Angus is their son.

But Merle??? BRO WAS AN ACTUAL FATHER he had two whole children on this plane. And like yeah, end of the world, running is all they know. But like why in the world would Merle especially leave.

Comparatively, Lup was in an umbrella , Barry spent his time dead and trying to find Lup or alive and being lead by his own cryptic ass messages. And Davenport and Lucretia were on the moon.

Taako Magnus and Merle had real lives. And I cannot stress this enough MERLE FATHERED TWO CHILDREN

And I feel like Mavis and Mookie weren’t even mentioned?? Mind you I haven’t listened to this in years I don’t remember fully. But like if they weren’t. Huge!! HUGE missed opportunity

[cihojuda]

Would that TAZ couple have kids? Part 2: Non-canon Balance Edition

Merle & Davenport: No, but Davenport is a very good stepdad to Mookie & Mavis.

Magnus & Taako: I think so. I'm a sucker for soft!Magnus and I think he could convince Taako that he would be a good parent if he could just get out of his head.

Magnus & Taako & Kravitz: Okay listen. I don't ship this BUT I read a fanfic about this and it made me understand so 100% YES. Give me Dad Magnus and Dad Kravitz and my heart is yours.

Magnus & Lucretia: 50/50. I can seen young Lucretia deciding to have just 1 kid, maybe- especially with a puppy dog of a partner like Magnus- but post-Wonderland Lucretia is over it and I respect that.

Lucretia & Davenport: No. I think he just doesn't want kids, plus there are power dynamics at play both before & after the BoB that make it a little weird to me.

Lup & Lucretia: Before the BoB, there's a possibility there. I still think post-Wonderland Lucretia is Too Done for kids.

Lucretia & Maureen: Lucretia is Lucas's stepmom even if she's not fuckin his mom let's be real here

[anistarrose]

The thing about the Heart Attack segment in Wonderland is that they put so much aromantic subtext in it. They accidentally put SO much aromantic subtext in it, on behalf of multiple characters, and I'm thinking about it constantly. Let me tell you all about it.

Magnus is dropped into a dating game and literally leads with "I cannot stress enough how uninterested I am in this." Now, it's perfectly valid to read this as due to him waiting for Julia, or just him being plain old uncomfortable with having his love life put in the spotlight. However! I cannot stress enough the exchange that happens just a minute or two after that line:

Magnus (describing his ideal date): ... and we don't see each other again, ‘cause I'm really not interested in dating. Audience: [exaggerated] Oooooh! (cheers) Griffin: The silhouette is like, fanning itself. Lydia: Playing hard to get, huh? It seems like our contestant is into that.

And I just have to say: unfortunately, this is one of the most aromantic fucking experiences I've seen represented in fiction in my life. I mean — saying you're not interested in romance, then having those words twisted on you, like they're some secret coded way of saying that you are interested in romance? Not having a single way to express your disinterest that'll actually be believed? That's some aro shit right there. God. Fuck.

As an aside, it's enough to really tell that Heart Attack is not designed to be a reprieve from the pain, even though it's the "good outcome" of Trust or Forsake. It's designed to be uncomfortable. To funnel suffering to Edward and Lydia, just like all the other games do. (More on that later, in fact.) But in summary:

Magnus is a character who can be read as uncomfortable with romance for either aro-spec reasons or unrelated reasons. But in either case, his discomfort attracts reactions that reek of amatonormativity — and therefore, resonate with aromantic experiences. (Psst, I did recently write a gray-aro Magnus fic!)

Two more analyses below the cut (and only one of them is for another Horny Boy):

Obviously the next character I need to talk about is Merle. I've found aroallo readings of his character to be compelling for a long time (having sex with plants so you don't have to worry about romantic commitment, am I right?), but the way he describes his "ideal date" is another factor:

Merle: I volunteer to drive her vehicle, and tell her it's filthy, and so we go through the uh- drive through vehicle wash and she pays for that too. Um, and then I take her to have dinner with my family, and- Magnus: Wait, like your wife and stuff? Merle: She meets my ex-wife.

Merle's probably exaggerating as a joke, continuing on about both him and his partner being miserable, but I think the fact that Merle's mind goes here is genuinely drawing from a lot of poor romantic experiences in the past. He didn't get a choice about being on Heart Attack, and his marriage with Hecuba was similarly "arranged".

It's also worth noting that at this point in time, Merle is putting in the work to be part of Mavis and Mookie's lives again, but is not interested in doing the same for Hecuba — he instead just asks Mavis how Hecuba's doing. That said, given that Magnus is the one to put the focus on Merle's ex-wife, I think it's fair to read the "family" comment as Merle actually expressing that he'd rather spend time with his kids than give any special romantic attention to his date. Moving on to the rest of the "joke":

Merle: She's having a miserable time and she's really mad, she can't wait to get outta there. I take her back to her house, and so I lean up against the door jam and say, 'Sure you don't want me to come in for a few minutes?' and she slams the door in my face.

It's possible Merle just has a more roundabout, self-deprecating way of expressing a similar thing to what Magnus did: Merle just isn't interested in dating. To me, the last line implies he might not say no to sex, if offered — but overall, it reads as if Merle is putting minimal effort in because he's looking for an excuse to get out of this relationship anyway.

It's also possible that Merle's "rejection" of a suitor being so disguised as humor could point to him still coming to terms with his disinterest in dating. Particularly, in comparison to Magnus, who is so vocal and unashamed about it, while Merle might still be figuring this all out.

(Honestly, the self-deprecation Merle turns to here is actually kind of sad, when viewed in that light — he already lets himself be the butt of jokes so often, and now he feels like the way romance doesn't click for him has to be a joke, too? Oof. Someone give him a hug and tell him he's not broken this instant!) But regardless:

Merle views dates, and perhaps romance in general, as things that will inevitably turn disastrous for him and any party involved with him, and he would rather spend time with his children than repairing a relationship with an ex, or cultivating a relationship with a new partner. This is not an experience exclusive to the aro-spec umbrella, but you can't say that an aromantic reading of his character doesn't fit him like a gardening glove...

...which he wears while fucking his plants. Because plants don't demand emotional intimacy, nor take too much time away from the platonic relationships that matter more to him. And you know what? He's fucking valid for that! Fly your flag, nasty grandpa!

But moving on: I promised you aromantic analysis of characters outside of our protagonists, and henceforth, that analysis I will provide. And not just because I admittedly see Taako as the token alloromantic (though clearly an aro ally; if he hadn't chosen Forsake we wouldn't have gotten all this incredible characterization!)

I digress. So let's go on to addressing the lich twins in the room: Edward and Lydia.

Remember my argument earlier that Heart Attack serves the purpose of collecting suffering just like the rest of Wonderland does? How it's just a subtler way of making Wonderland's victims fundamentally uncomfortable?

...Using, of all things, romance?

How the vogue twins, for whatever reason, felt inspired to make people uncomfortable with matchmaking and adoration? How, some way or another, they noticed how much potential romance had to induce suffering? Being pressured into a relationship, being told that no matter how firmly you say you're uninterested, you're not really uninterested?

...Relatedly, I have always gotten the sense that Edward and Lydia projected relentlessly onto their victims.

Edward: This resolve, this desire to do whatever it takes no matter the cost to save yourselves — do you know who you three remind me of? Magnus: No? Merle: Who? Edward: Us!

I'm even going to go a step further and say that on top of projection, they want their victims to go through things they went through. Swallowing the guilt of having fucked someone else over to survive, of course — that's basically self-admitted. But possibly also... the feeling of not being able to get back what you lost (Keats). The feeling of not being able to heal (Keats).

So, where does that leave Heart Attack?

Lydia: It was the three of us, surviving against all odds. The world against us.

Their family of three was (is) indescribably important to them. I'm not necessarily saying that societal expectations of romance, especially of romance as a priority above that of family, left a bad taste in their mouths — if not downright contributing to their trauma — but, okay, I wrote the rest of this post and now that I'm back, I can no longer deny it. I'm definitely, absolutely saying that.

At the time of the podcast, we know Edward and Lydia's own relationship is heavily strained. Until the end, they are lying to themselves and to each other about the fact that they continue to be emotionally and magically reliant on each other. After all, Lydia wouldn't say "I guess we really needed each other after all" in her dying moments with such surprise otherwise.

This is the second reason that I... well, I wouldn't quite call it a "theory," but I find it most impactful to read Edward and Lydia as characters for whom the concept of Love has baggage. And always has, from their origins as youth in a tough spot in an already amatonormative world.

Maybe the constant societal devaluing of platonic, familial bonds left them with serious emotional scars. Maybe the constant conflation of Love and morality just weighed on them and weighed on them and weighed on them until they decided: well, we don't love the way people expect us to, so we might as well give up on being the good people they expect us to be. We might as well embrace this new fuel of suffering.

...And you know, I hope this gets across what I mean when I always say I headcanon villains as aromantic to make them more sympathetic.

Edward and Lydia, textually, are already tragic villains. As twins and liches, they're also textually foil characters to several of the Seven Birds. But I also like to think that they have a lot in common with Magnus and Merle, and the possibility that tugs at my heartstrings the most is the possibility of them all falling under the aromantic umbrella.

[jerreeeeeee]

i also read the suffering game graphic novel. here's praises and criticisms. this one is also more negatives than positives unfortunately, i tried to be fair and thoughtful but i did not like it very much

things i liked:

-lucretia prologue establishing that she went to wonderland + talking abt missing the crew. fun & mysterious

-hi mavis and mookie :) they are cute

-HI BARRY sometimes i forget he stalked merle’s family outing. i love that freak

-magnus and angus scene!! fisher showing angus the statue drawing!! ango detective subplot!! this is a nice and natural addition since we know he was sleuthing around the BOB

-merle teasing taako about his date is kinda cute actually love seeing them be friends

-thank god they got rid of the chimera. idk if this is a hot take or anything but its probably my least favorite fight in the podcast its so out of place and unnecessary. there are lots of fights that didnt really matter in the beginning like all the gerblins and the slime swamp in rockport but they were still like getting their bearings and the show was more like a real dnd campaign than a typical actual play, but by the time you get to the suffering game there’s more interesting things to do and you're like god why are we still doing random forest encounters just get to wonderland already

-not a positive per se but i’m not that upset about sterling and his party being cut. i feel like an adaptation would’ve had an opportunity to make that little c-plot matter more, and that would’ve been awesome, but as is in the podcast, i never felt particularly strongly about it? not enough to miss it. idk like magnus and merle were already for ‘trust’ even if it were strangers and taako never seems all that regretful about it (which like. fair. he’s the pragmatist and that’s how the prisoner’s dilemma works. he played the game right because he couldn’t afford to lose, knowing they hurt some slightly-less-strangers doesn’t really change that).

-i dont remember which of the boys discovered it in the podcast but merle noticing the smoke thing is good. he actually is competent and especially in an arc that’s meant to make him feel useless that’s a good little reminder

-i do like that the liches say the bell is very powerful & is threatening to destroy them like both keeping in theme with the rest of the relics and an introduction to the idea that sharing an incredible and dangerous power between two people makes it easier to keep your sanity, similar to lichdom

-griffin getting cut off with the hunger is awesome finally we’re taking advantage of the medium. nothing more to say that choice rules

-posts on tumblr hyped me up for taako recognizing barry’s dick but unfortunately that’s not really what happened and now i’m disappointed. but the graphic novels arent canon so i’ll just have to continue with my barry/taako awkward past one night stand agenda despite it all

-i dont quite know how to feel about the umbrastaff leaping to barry to replace the “love barry, trust barry” moment. on the one hand, having lup actually speak to taako wouldn’t work super well in graphic novel form, not to mention the whole band of projected thought thing was kinda convoluted and they are clearly very limited on time, and taako choosing to trust the umbrastaff in this way is a creative way to get that same effect. on the other hand, its so unclear what even happened or why it changes taako’s mind without podcast context. that’s one of my big gripes, you’re expected to be familiar with the story already, but if you’re familiar with the story, the graphic novels are… worse in every way. also, i really really liked the original scene so even though it doesn’t work, i miss it. this isn’t as effective—we don’t find out there’s a person missing from taako’s memory, his heart doesn't swell at the sound of her voice, he doesn’t know with certainty that she’s someone dear to him. it's just like, another instance of the umbrastaff acting weird. maybe you put together that 'LUP' is a person but you don't have any indication until the moment of remembering how important she is. all of that would be really difficult to get across in a visual medium anyway, but still, yknow, it doesn’t hit as hard.

-ango!! his mage hand is coming along so well!! although. why is his wand just like a stick. did he pick it up off the ground. taako needs to take better care of his boy this reflects badly on him as a teacher lmao

-i felt this way about the eleventh hour too but there’s so many little details of taako and merle’s friendship i feel like they have little asides and jokes together a lot and i love that

-the looming dread of the hunger is done pretty well (as well as it can be with such time restraints)

-merle trying to commune with pan and seeing john instead is good. very ominous and intriguing for new readers and exciting for podcast listeners

-really liked the panel of barry in the red robe against the stars and the bond engine’s white ring as he’s remembering. very cool very cinematic

-i actually also really like the framing as taako remembers, filling in the memories we’d seen previously and clearing out the static while he looks so broken, and merle asking him what he’s remembering, and then finally speaking his sister’s name. its framed very powerfully. i wish he and lup didn’t look awful so i could actually feel something at that part. like they are my favorite characters ever their story makes me so emotional and i just. they’re unrecognizable. the character designs are terrible and taako has spent 6 books now being mischaracterized and flattened to hell so i just can’t muster any emotion. maybe i'll redraw that page someday though because the panelling is genuinely very good

-the ending lucretia monologue is good she's the narrator she's the main character she's everything. love the portraits staticking out and mirroring and changing, and ending on the beach painting is great. very cinematic and a natural way to phase into the stolen century

things i didn’t like:

-i dont think taako’s deepest desire is his own brand of fashion forward athleisure wear if i’m being quite honest. these little things irk me

-why is liches get stitches all the way in the beginning… ill portent for how the rest of this book will go

-i think they shouldve introduced the flaming raging poisoning sword of doom way earlier. the payoff isnt nearly as good without the setup of having been magnus’ white whale for like fifty episodes. maybe they did mention it in earlier books and i just forgot though

-^ i hate his stupid ugly oversexualized stereotyped ass so fucking much its unreal

-why are edward and lydia ugly :( —(they're not ugly because they're chubby they're ugly because their color schemes and outfits are fucking awful) (fr though why are all their colors so muted and dingy?? why are their outfits boring?? at least their heart attack looks are fun)

-oh so there’s just no trust or forsake at all. yeah i don’t like that. in the end no great loss since i don't think it really says anything about thb's characters that hasn't already been said, but so much of thb's characters and arcs have been cut from the gns already

-i get that they’re low on time trying to fit in reunion tour but like come on part of the suffering of the suffering game is how long and painful it is cutting it down really just. makes it not matter as much

-magnus looks no different after aging LMAO he gets like 2 gray hairs and that’s it

-edward and lydia’s lich forms are also boring unfortunately

-no tasha’s hideous laughter on the heart attack mannequin? lame. although i have for the first time realized that dnd shows kinda have a thing for characters uninterested in romance being forced by mysterious powers to be haunted by creepy puppet-like “romance partners” huh

-magnus doesn’t forget kalen?? why cut that out? i guess because there was never closure for it in the original story?

-no boss rush?? that was fun :(

-magnus and taako aren’t surprised merle has kids??? did they know???

-dupree looks terrible but i guess props to carey for giving him feathers even though it looks bad

-just axed the liches’ backstory?? that was kind of important?? the fact that they turned to necromancy out of love for their family & powered themselves with positive emotions too? that like, has relevance later…

-NO BAD LUCK FOR ARMS OUTSTRETCHED? COME ON

-the framing of magnus’ soul being removed is so anticlimactic in general like the POINT of a VISUAL adaptation is to have interesting & cinematic VISUALS its just so messy

-all of arms outstretched didnt look very good in general sorry. its just such a big important moment and to make it so mid… a tragedy

-“i guess we still needed each other after all” doesnt work anymore because they removed all of edward and lydia’s backstory and character but it was an interesting line to me that i wish had been kept. hammering in that liches need anchors is, again, pretty relevant later on, getting rid of that foreshadowing sucks, and it also humanizes these villains in an interesting way that really highlights their powerlust as their downfall rather than just, like, cruelty for evil’s sake. like yes they torture people and find it fun because they’re so distanced from their own humanity but they also truly believed it was necessary for their own safety and seemingly only became sadistic after they desensitized themselves. i wrote a post about this a while ago but idk if i’ll ever post it

-not a fan of barry killing lydia either. idk why, its not like he hasn’t killed other people to protect the boys before. but that’s earlier in the show before we know he’s not just a villain and is in fact meant to introduce him as a villain. now he’s a friend so idk if you can just go back to having him murder people? again its not a wrong choice but it feels like messy storytelling. also like i think seeing a lich grieving her anchor and a sister grieving her brother would pull some heartstrings for him. it would maybe remind him of some people he loves and garner some sympathy and give him some pause. and i liked that in the podcast even though lydia was so distanced from the idea of positive anchors, killing edward just immediately undoes her, fits in with the themes and the way we understand liches to work, another powerful example of what bonds can do, and that's kinda lost here

-magnus’ answer to the bell sucks so badddd lmao when these books NEED context they’re devoid of it but when they actually have the necessary plot points/character arc established for the reader to put something together they have to go and spell it out like the audience is stupid. there was something so raw and powerful about magnus’ original “i’d hate it. shut the fuck up.” like just shutting it down and not even considering it. that’s completely lost when he has to be like “recap time! my wife, julia,” eugh just didnt like that. there are so many powerful lines from balance that i don’t hate on principal that they’ve changed, but there was no good reason to change, and so the new version just falls flat and there was no reason not to include the original lines verbatim? i get not wanting to just deliver a podcast highlight reel and have the gns be their own story or w/e but if you’re gonna do that you have to do it well, and they just keep being worse unfortunately

-they don’t get the chance to go off the grid themselves and choose to trust barry?? come the fuck ON that is IMPORTANT to the STORY

-this may or may not be an unpopular opinion but i’m not a fan of barry’s design either. i don’t like the hair and he’s not fat enough. less egregious than others but its still another instance of being like who tf is that

-barry’s little coin monologue was kinda fun and dramatic and i (finally) liked the visuals of him falling from the sky/silhouette of the starblaster against faerun’s single sun. but i wish they’d kept more of the original. add drama that’s fine but the point of it is to humanize him after we’ve spent so long thinking of him as a villain and a ghost and a force of the story and now it turns out he’s barry bluejeans. he’s just a guy. he loves his mom. he’s allergic to dairy. he’s afraid of the dark.

-especially not a fan of cutting out the “love that defined and redeemed you” and “dull weight in your chest” in barry’s coin monologue. those are important parts of his character. whether you interpret the love and the weight to be for lup or for the whole crew, you need to know that the red robe has lost people, and that everything he does is to try to get them back. he’s the lover and he’s grief personified. his mission is to save the world AND recover his family. thats like. kinda important for his character and role in the story. if you ask me.

-again the “we’ll get em next time” magnus flashback is not BAD but it could’ve looked so much better? carey definitely has strengths as an artist but her fight scenes and character design tends to be very weak so its unfortunate that this is an adaptation of a dnd podcast where those 2 things are like, the most important. idk i feel like i should be articulating what i mean better but i’m not sure how. the fights just are often really cluttered and framed in an odd way that doesn’t look very good or dramatic or dynamic. i don’t want to say carey is a bad artist, i really don’t think she is! but i think she was not the right artist for this project. the magic of a visual medium is, well. the visuals. when they’re mid the whole story suffers.

-taako and merle not just saying magnus is dead is sorta unnecessarily confusing since everyone like assumes he’s dead anyway? idk i don’t understand that choice. kinda fucks with his moment with carey. not a big deal in the end but it does seem unnecessary

-MAGNUS DOESN’T GO SEE FISHER?? the mannequin dies in fantasy costco??? what about johann???

-“you stole half of my fucking heart” i know a lot of people loved this line but it genuinely baffles me. Why Only Half. not only referencing one of the most heartwarming (and heartbreaking) lines in the original show with no context for why its meaningful at all yet—but also minimizing it? why soften that blow? why detract from the raw intensity of that grief? why reduce a very powerful sentiment? an adaptation of balance that doesn’t allow itself to be earnest and wholehearted (ha) about its platonic bonds is not a good adaptation, straight up. maybe its not that deep but it is To Me. maybe it has no real import and i’m just being stupid but like they made that choice to write half instead of just “my heart.” Why, genuinely

-hey what the fuck happened to johann for real though. that was a really important part of the story. hey. hey. what about johann. like are we just ignoring johann. am i insane. how has no one mentioned this. what’s up with johann

-

so all in all, again, rushed pacing, axing of a lot of very important plot points, shoddy visuals.

it did not make me relive the emotional journey of the suffering game and reunion tour. it inspired a vague nostalgia for the first time i experienced reunion tour, reminded me of how much i love the original show, and made me want to listen to the podcast again. especially reunion tour good god i love reunion tour. and it made me desperately wish for a good adaptation. i would do fucking anything for a good adaptation. the longing is making me sick. at least we always have podcast reunion tour.

the graphic novels are just so empty and soulless compared to the original show. i wouldn’t have an issue with changes, except that the changes, at every turn, gut the emotional core of the story that makes it so special, and ruin the strong themes throughout the story. they fundamentally misunderstand what is so good about balance. and also, like, basic storytelling. they’re poorly designed and poorly written, so they don’t even stand on their own as a different story. i'm not expecting an exact replica, but i am expecting good writing, good changes when necessary, and respect for the original beloved story. without those, the soul is gone, the spark of what makes balance so compelling and emotional.

i am dreading the story and song graphic novel. i don’t think it will be any good. the themes and character arcs and plot of the show have been mangled beyond belief so nothing is really meaningful anymore. can we go back to the johann thing for a moment—

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Day 1: Baby

@taznovembercelebration aaaa I'm so excited to be doing this again !!! Pls enjoy !

There was a gentle breeze that blew in when Merle cracked the window open. Even from all the way up the beach, he could hear the waves crashing against the shore, the gentle rustle of leaves getting blown by the wind. He pulled the rocking chair up closer to the window, wincing as it scrapped against the floor.

Merle was not a family kind of guy. He was more of a “get up and leave as soon as things got too committed” guy. But for some reason, he had decided to stick around a little longer with his most recent fuck-up.

The beach was nice, even at night. The Coralheart Clan was in a secluded spot, surrounded by all sorts of beautiful shrubbery and flowers. They had had their own little enclave here on the coast of the Starlight Sea where the clan had lived for hundreds of years. They didn’t usually accept outsiders into their ranks but, well. Here Merle was.

“Shhh,” Merle said when Mookie shifted in his arms, a small whimper coming from his teeny tiny lips. “Daddy’s got’cha, bud.”

Merle couldn’t remember how he made his way into the Coralheart Clan. He had never really planned on returning to any clan after leaving his original one. They were too stuffy. Like, sue him for wanting to see more of the world than just the beach. And that was comin’ from him. He loved the beach. But clans? He was better left alone.

But one day, he woke up in the Coralheart Clan, not fully accepted by all the members, but generally left be. And then he met Hekuba— who was a fantastic woman, up until y’know, the forced marriage and all. Merle couldn’t exactly blame her— he didn’t want to get married either. But leaving her to deal with their baby alone, with all the clan's expectations on her? Merle might be an asshole, but he couldn’t— he wasn’t going to do that.

Not then, at least. He couldn’t lie and say he wasn’t thinking about it now. 

It’s just that— Well, Hekuba had practice, what with Mavis and all. And she had family here to support her. Merle wasn’t anybody important. He could barely take care of the kids, he didn’t have the energy to do his chores, and he couldn’t focus on the community when his thoughts just weren’t here.

He loved Mookie. He was such a small, tiny little thing. He had his mom’s hair and Merle’s own hazel eyes. His itty bitty hand could barely fit around Merle’s thumb. But there wasn’t much Merle was doing for him aside from rockin’ him to sleep and anyone could do that job.

He loved Mavis, too. She wasn’t as small as Mookie was, but she was still a growin’ girl. Merle would take her on walks and show her all the plants and tell her all their names. She’d started dragging him to the library with her to find good books— Merle’s suggestion of adventure stories fell on flat ears. Mavis preferred to ”learn something, Dad!”, which, apparently, adventure books couldn’t do.

He felt like he was holding her back. She deserved a Dad who put in more effort, who would always pay attention to her fun facts and not get tired on their walks.

In another life, maybe he could have loved Hekuba like he was supposed to. But she was strong. And if Merle knew anything, he knew Hekuba could figure out any problem thrown at her. After all, she had been able to deal with being married to him.

He rocked back and forth in the chair, looking out to the sea as Mookie calmed down. His whimpers slowly quieted, his breathing evened out. The two moons cast reflections onto the rippling water. There was so much more to life out there. He loved the beach, he loved his kids…

But this wasn’t the life for him.

He held Mookie a little closer to him and pressed a kiss onto his forehead. Growing up with no Dad was better than what Merle had had to deal with as a child. He could only hope this little guy wouldn’t mind.

[a-side-character]

Taz Balance as Ghost Quartet

I'll get right to the point: I have had an animatic bumping around in my head for about three years now that features the Taz Balance player characters and the song "The Telescope" from the musical Ghost Quartet. The problem? I can't draw at all. I can, however, write a decently convincing description of what my vision would be if I could.

So, here's my attempt to do just that! In the hopes that even just one other person has their perception of this song completely overtaken by The Adventure Zone like I have. Let's begin:

-

"Look into my telescope, tell me what you see"

[Wide, aerial shot of Magnus standing in a white room in front of June, who is holding the chalice. We see Magnus from behind, and June has a neutral expression]

"I see a red star"

[Magnus leans in to look into the cup]

"Antares, red hypergiant star, 4900 lightyears away."

[Cut to static-filled images of Magnus' childhood. We see the scene of him protecting the dog most prominently]

"And a billion times larger than our sun]

[A quick still of Magnus as a young man, laying on his back and looking up at the sky. One of the suns is crystal clear, the other one is static-ed out]

"I see fire in the darkness"

[A black screen, illuminated by a torch]

"Rage against the void"

[The torch illuminates Magnus' face, and behind him a mob of angry villagers holding various weapons]

"I see everytime man cried out, and raised his sword"

[Magnus yells and raises his sword, lunging as though to strike at governor Kalen or his army]

"Against God"

[The momentum from the previous scene continues as the background falls away (as does the sword) and we see Magnus fall to his knees, burying his face in his hands in front of Julia's grave]

"That's good, that's good"

[Cut back to present-day Magnus and June. June nods somberly, and we see Magnus with tears falling from his face]

"Now look into my telescope, tell me what you see"

[We see the same scene as in the beginning, but this time it's Merle facing June in the white room]

"I see a blue star"

[Merle leans in to look into the chalice]

"Groombridge 1830, also known as Argelander's Star. A class G8 subdwarf (ha, get it, cause Merle's a dwarf? That's not the only reason he fits with this verse though BELIEVE ME) a member of the galactic halo"

[We see static filled scenes of Merle's past, with emphasis on his time as a young boy growing up in the church]

"I see mothers weeping in chairs, clutching their shawls in the morning"

[A shot of Hekuba standing on the front porch of her house, leaning against the pillar of the porch. Her eyes are aimed at the horizon and she looks angry, but when she looks down her eyes soften and she seems more sorrowful]

"Everything is lost, all is gone"

[We see what she's looking at, as Merle turns around and walks away from the house, leaving Mavis and Mookie looking confusedly at him and then up at Hekuba]

"And she tries to find the joy in life"

[Cut to a static filled image of Merle sitting at a table and talking to an unseen figure (John) with a speech bubble coming out of his mouth. The only intelligible words are "Find Joy"]

"But she is wasting away"

[Back to Hekuba, who turns around and back into the house. Before her back is to us we see tears in her eyes]

"That's good, that's real good"

[Back once again to Merle standing in front of June. He looks upset, though in a more reserved way that Magnus did. There is a heavy guilt in his expression]

"Now just one more time: Look into my telescope, tell me what you see"

[Our final member of THB, Taako, is now the one facing June]

"I see, I see two stars"

[Taako leans in to look into the chalice]

"Yes, Sigma Orionis AB, a binary star"

[We see static filled images of Taako's past, of him learning how to cook and of him staying in various places over the years]

"Two stars, lost in time"

[This time the childhood scenes stay longer, and we see those same shots expanded to include a static-covered figure (Lup) next to Taako in every single one]

"Oooh, two women, in the forest in the evening in a light rain"

[During the ooohs the images of the past swirl away, leaving only a dark screen. As soon as the words begin it alights on a wide, aerial view of Taako and Sazed in front of the Sizzle it Up truck. As the song mentions, it is dark and drizzling]

"The older has no expression on her face"

[In this case 'the older' is Taako, and we see an up close image of his face, looking down his nose at Sazed with an unfazed expression]

"The younger hangs her head down"

[Sazed lowers his head, presumably just after being denied the ability to join the show]

"The younger is in love, was in love, is in love, was in love"

[The scene changes with every 'in love' to various scenes. Taako performing with his hand in the air, a flurry of magic behind it. The crowd looking up in adoration, the bright sign, etc.]

"But the lover is in love"

[in this case 'the lover' is the audience. We see a shot of the faces of the underdark audience, looking excited]

"With the older not the younger"

[Taako on stage, joyously handing out samples. Sazed in the back, looking on with a dark expression]

"But the lover is in love"

[That same shot of the audience, only now seeming panicked and afraid. Some have doubled over, poisoned]

"With the older not the younger"

[Back to Taako, looking horrified, and Sazed, who turns his back to the audience]

-

Alright, that's all I got! I'll admit I haven't been able to find a way to incorporate the little choruses in the middle and end, so if you have a way to tie them in please do let me know!

I really hope you see the vision, because I've been seeing this same little movie play out in my head everytime I listen to this song for YEARS.

[sirthetaoftardis]

My two kitties Mavis and Mookie!

Requesting Cute Pet Photos :)

[incorrect-zone-quotes]

Best TAZ Balance NPC poll

After a little messing around, I've decided to conduct a very scientific poll.

This will include every TAZ Balance NPC that I remember/care about so I apologize deeply if your favorite NPC isn't on here but there's 60 total so I feel that's pretty comprehensive.

Matchups under the read more (These have been randomized so I'm sorry for any tough choices)

Artemis Sterling vs Hurley

Kravitz vs Klarg

Angus McDonald vs Robbie

Graham the Juicy Wizard vs Mr. Upsy

Johann vs Davenport

Roswell vs Dracula

Antonia vs Rowan

Lucas Miller vs Hodge Podge

Hekuba Roughridge vs Cassidy

Steven vs Brad Bradson

Greg Grimaldis vs Jenkins

Trent the Treant vs Little Jerry and Jerreeeeee

Cam vs Paloma

Voidfish vs Garyl

Barry Bluejeans vs Istus

Gundren Rockseeker vs Lucretia

Maarvey vs Sloane

Joaquin Terrero vs Edward

Mookie vs Lup

Ash vs Jeff Angel

Lydia vs Avi

Ren Mol'diira vs The Raven Queen

Clint McElroy (the Plane Walker) vs Boyland

June vs Pan

Brody vs Magic Brian

Garfield the Deals Warlock vs John

Leon the Artificer vs Carey Fangbattle

Mavis vs Killian

Maureen Miller vs Julia Burnsides

Jess the Beheader vs NO-3113

[yourbelgianthings]

taz november celebration fic 3: prompt laugh

contrary to what you may think for this prompt, this is sad for like 3/4 of it lol but the end is happy, it’s tres horny boys and about 850 words

Magnus Burnsides's laugh was deep and hearty, but he wasn't used to hearing it by itself; he had always been laughing with Julia. Their life together was perfect, working with their hands and having something to show for it at the end of the day, then coming home to each other. Julia made dinner, Magnus did the dishes, their routine was consistent and comforting. They even thought about having a baby, although they were in no rush. Of course, that never happened, and when Magnus hugged Julia goodbye the day he left town, neither of them knew it would be the last. His friends brought dinners, went for walks, and spent evenings on the porch with Magnus after Julia's death, but he actually chose to bury her alone. The physical act of digging the grave was satisfying in a sick way, it grounded his soul in his body despite its countless attempts to break out through his ribs and fly away. A simple granite slab laid on top, reading: Julia Burnsides, We Love You Forever. His tears darkened the stone in little circles until the sun began to set, and he wouldn't laugh again for some time.

Merle Highchurch always did his best to keep a positive outlook, but it was hard to find reasons to laugh without his kids around. Apparently his sense of humor consisted of a lot of "dad jokes", and those weren't really a big hit with anyone else, especially when he was out trying to preach the word of Pan. He constantly struggled with his choice to leave after he was gone, if it was only the arranged marriage that was the problem, things would have been so much simpler. However, Hecuba and he had Mavis and Mookie, who he loved dearly. That didn't change the fact that he wasn't a very good dad, though, intentions don't count for much in that regard. So, he decided they would be better off without him; if you love something let it go and all that. Cycling through feelings of freedom, guilt, regret, apathy, and more, he wandered the world, presumably to share the word of Pan, but really just wishing to be able to laugh again.

Taako Taaco was very hard to make laugh. He and Lup used to do just that when they were bored, whoever laughed first lost and then they would just be in a fit of giggles for a while anyway. They found things funny between themselves that nobody else understood, but it didn't matter, because it made perfect sense to them. Not that he remembered any of this, of course. The Taako who forgot could be very cynical, and often saw humor from others as an attempt to conceal their true attitudes or motives. On stage for Sizzle It Up With Taako, he laughed and told jokes, but that was about as fake as it got. Hearing the applause and cheers from the audience, seeing the excitement in their eyes, and being complimented as he signed autographs and posed for pictures gave Taako energy and kept him going. He thrived on the attention, but some days, it wasn't enough and there was nothing else. Getting out of bed seemed impossible as his body simultaneously felt heavy and hollow. After Glamor Springs, this set in for several weeks until he suddenly thought: I'm fuckin' Taako from TV, I can go do whatever I want, and if anyone has a problem wit h that, I'll just laugh in their face and keep going.

One night, several months later, in their dorm at the Bureau of Balance, Tres Horny Boys were having a sleepover. Technically, they always did this by virtue of sharing a room, but they had decided to make a night of it, just for fun. Taako cooked the most delicious popcorn the other two had ever had, with the perfect amounts of butter and salt, and he also bought some nail polish from the Fantasy Costco. Magnus realized that Pringles had left some of his stuff in the room, so they had some cool old CDs to listen to, and Merle had found some candles for more ambient lighting. They were all set for the perfect sleepover, and as Taako was painting Magnus's nails shiny silver by candlelight, Merle set down the big bowl of popcorn he had been snacking on and asked, "What did everyone say to the kernel when he finally popped?"

Taako snorted and said,

"Merle, I am not even going to entertain this one," but there was a smile on his face.

Magnus gave in, "I don't know, Merle, what?"

"CORN-GRATULATIONS!"

Magnus immediately burst out laughing, which made Merle join in and Taako shout,

"Mags, you're going to mess up your nails!" although he couldn't help laughing too. It was just so ridiculous and Merle's confidence in the delivery was what really got them. The three of them flopped onto each other, slightly out of breath the way the best fits of laughter leave you, Taako leaning on Magnus's shoulder and Merle leaning on his stomach on the other side. They all smiled, and for the moment, things were okay.

[into-the-clintoris]

Controversial TAZ polls post no.2:

[ramblinganthropologist]

@the-wolfpack sorry to reply this way, my desktop keeps fucking up.

The scene changed to Merle leaving his family because he felt like something was missing in his life. Hecuba begs him to stay for the kids but he says he doesn't want to fuck up the only good thing in his life by staying. It ends with him leaving and one of the kids (I'm not sure if it was Mavis or Mookie, maybe Mavis as Mookie looked to be a baby) asking where he's going. It was an oof moment for sure.