#Matthew Wilkinson

[olivelune]

Sweet Suspicion: A Waitrose Mystery | Christmas Advert 2024 | Waitrose

Part 1

HE'S BACK!!!

Matthew Macfadyen playing a detective in a Christmas ad was not on my 2024 bingo card but I'm buzzing!!

[natashasbitxh]

Finally got to see Peter Pan Goes Wrong in West End with Charlie Russell, Matthew Cavendish, Greg Tannahill, Matthew Howell, Harry Kershaw, Clark Devlin, Jamie Birkett, Chris Leask, Ellie Morris, and Jean-Luke Worrell! They were all amazing, I thought I'd share some of my fav bits! (Warning: There's a lot)

• Firstly, programme stuff: the note from the director basically just being Chris and Trevor arguing like a married couple. Chris being too scientific and Trevor having to remind him it's supposed to be festive.

● Them leaving a note asking if anybody was a flying operator as they didn't currently have one😭

• Robert leaving the children of the Cornley Youth Theatre abandoned in a forest with limited food and knives,to prepare for their performance of Lord of the Flies. NSPCC and police had to intervene, 2 of the children are still missing today (Ben McIntyre and Sarah Cordell)

• Jonathon's interview where's he's practically begging the interviewer to take note he was 'fashionably late', when he was actually waiting for 6 hours.

• Jonathon saying (in the interview), he's been focusing on humanitarian work, such as adopting a child from Ethiopia and a child from Vietnam. And then the interviewer just replied with "That is Brad Pitt. Everything you have just said is about Brad Pitt and not yourself."

• In the cast section, Chris Bean writing "I would like to remind my father that there is a spare ticket at the box office for him if he chooses to show up." That's so sad😭

• Trevor's section ended with "trevorzbeatz/YouTube.co.uk" 😭

• Pip (assistant stage manager) just says: "They call me Big Pip up north. Trevor's cousin. Out and about and that. Nice one." Like okay yh me too Big Pip

• They tried to feed the crocodile an alarm clock😭 (RIP Nadia tho😔)

• Annie left a little note saying she's "looking for a man" and then there's some description of what she's (not) looking for

• A page saying welcome to the theatre, but it is still very much in character😭 "Director Chris Bean always fulfils his promise of giving us a show we will remember for a very long time."

•Pre-show antics: one of the assistant stage managers (I'm gonna guess Pip? Not too sure tho) was walking around looking for a hammer. I noticed that he'd act like he was looking around and then when he spotted a child he'd go and ask them. I thought that was cute🥹

• I couldn't see the wires going through the audience cause I had seats up high, but I did see Robert pulling the end of the wire whilst on stage with the help of an audience member

• Dennis was late I think, ran across the stage from the audience with a bag on

• Lucy suddenly ran off stage, Robert not far behind shouting things like "You have to do it!" (And then later on she ran back on stage,but it seemed Robert got caught up in a convo)

• Now onto the actual show, I thought Dennis singing les mis due to his headgear was pretty funny seeing as les mis was about a door or 2 down

• At one point we were clapping for something (can't remember what, but it was during the beginning Darling Family scene), and Max joined in with the clapping. Sandra had to tell him to stop with a pointed glare and a lil hand gesture

• Every appearance with Robert as the shadow was amazing, I know it's simple but I'm always impressed with the rug pull and the way he lands

• During the bit where there's too much smoke and it engulfs the pirates, Trevor comes to the rescue but does hit Chris in the arse by accident, christrev anybody?

• I will forever love Robert trying to get Dennis to pick up the sword, Dennis picking up the boat paddle and Robert going on a rant about how he's been moving his arms for the past 5 mins why would he need the paddle

• During the interval the lights would still go out occasionally, fun touch

• As Jonathan flew up before crashing down, a banner fell down with Robert holding a bean, a reference of his show Jack and the bean

• Before this, I'd only seen the BBC recorded version of Peter Pan Goes Wrong, so I rlly enjoyed the changes. Such as the mermaids, but I RLLY laughed at Robert being the Mr Bumble in Oliver that killed a child. Especially when he went to be Peter Pan before starting to sing 'Food, Glorious Food"

• The whole poison bit was incredible, Harry's improv was on FIRE. We obvs did the traditional pantomime business which made Chris mad, he very much gave teacher vibes as he sat down on the set and said it was our own time we were wasting. He also complained that this was only the matinée and they still had an evening performance to get to. Then he pointed out how somebody in the audience was hissing, "Nobody goes to a show and says 'Yeah it was good but the person in the fourth row wouldn't stop hissing'" (this resulted in a lot of children hissing whenever he appeared on stage). Then when it got to the poison bit, a child was yelling at him to hurry up, causing Chris to go on a rant about how he didn't even want children there, sitting there on their booster seats. After the child yelled at him multiple times, Chris gave up and told the child to open it for him, which they did. Then as he was leaving, we were booing again and he was like "NO NO DONT BOO ME, IT WAS THE CHILD THAT POISIONED HIM." Then as he exited, he said something along the lines of "blame the child murderer." It was insane.

• Then, when Peter asked who would try to poison him, Tink/Annie pointed at the child that opened the bottle. I think Chris Leask actually had to turn his head downwards and to the side to hide his laughing.

• I've pointed this out before, but I'm so endeared with how worried Chris was when Annie was unconscious. HE KNEELED THERE HOVERING OVER HER BODY JUST LIKE TOUCHING HER FACE, NOT SPEAKING FOR AWHILE. Adorable. Every characters reaction was adorable...sorry Annie

• I just have to say Francis' Cabaret performance to distract us from Annie was amazing. Loved the audience clapping along as well and the rest of the cast looking absolutely shocked and confused

• I loved that we heard a whole marriage fall apart through Dennis' headgear. I want to know more abt them, the husband that took over to help Dennis sounded sweet

• When Lucy slid down the ship in her wheelchair she was flung out and then caught by Trevor in a sort of bear hug, Lucy's legs wrapped around his torso. Trevor was SEVERELY judging the cast HE WAS NOT HAPPY WITH THEM. They're besties ur honour, I thought it was so cute

• Loved Francis' Cabaret performance again during the big fight scene with the set moving.

• Trevor saying something like "You've got to be joking" when Lucy picked up the book 😭

• I wanted to scream laugh at Chris lying in the bed like an ill victorian child as Lucy closed up the story, and then Dennis choosing to lie on the squished bottom bunk

• As Lucy continued to read, Chris, Sandra, Trevor, Dennis, and Max were all checking up on one another in the background. Hugs, shoulder grabs. Guys, I love Sandra and Chris' dynamic so much, Sandra was making sure he got off the bed alright and then gave him a hug

• Of course the whole end song, Max as the crocodile encouraging us to clap

It was so amazing, everybody was fantastic!! My jaw still aches from laughing so hard! Hope ppl found this interesting cause I always love when other ppl share what happened during their show😭

[thecoolersouthparkforeignkids]

Kay, 3/4 tfbw costume designs finished, just need to do Declan’s but his needs more than a few minor edits from the sp studio thingy I used to make the base/main image so I can’t be bothered rn.

But I’m gonna post these 3 now cause I want to

Tesni isn’t technically playing because she is a Raisins girl, but Angel managed to convince her to join in for a bit. She just swapped her Raisins uniform tank top for a red one + let her hair down. Her little demon horns are poking out cause it makes her look interesting, but for lore reasons it’s cause she gets pissed off whenever Angel gets hurt (the little simp)

(I forgot her mole shhh)

Angel isn’t a hero she’s a villian😧😧😧

Basically when she asked Cartman if she could play too he said something along the lines of “We already have gay heroes and a black hero, we’re good on the diversity front.” (Basically “No, get lost.”). She wandered off to the park in a sulk, and when Butters found her moping around he let her be a villain with him. (They’re besties ur honour).

Powers/Moves wise, she can copy the power/moves of others. (One per fight). Her ultimate move though is just her calling her brother up for back up (he’s 13, so a 7th grader). He lasts for three turns and only has a punch move (similar to when Butters calls for his minion).

Haven’t thought of a name for her yet.

Jo, the little nerd, completely ripped off Ninjago because it’s his favourite show & he’s borderline obsessed with it. (His mum made the costume for him)

He sided with the freedom pals because Cartman called ninja’s gay and that really pissed Jo off.

Moves/powers wise he’s kind of a mix of the assassin type (closest to ninja) and the blaster type cause he wanted fire powers.

Uhhhhhhh I can’t be bothered going into detail about his moves rn (definitely not cause I haven’t fully finished coming up with them yet)

[mannequinhandsinyerma]

I got too lazy to draw the bg for those three panels lmao

[thosesadsuburbanghosts]

Choose or Die (2022)

"Fuck the 80s!"

[wherebettertoescape]

Written another few reviews on a couple of the shows I've seen lately - the question is are we preferring the sound of West End!Bonnie and Clyde or West End!Newsies???

I have many thoughts on both, but I should say that Louise and I saw Newsies in January, whereas I saw Bonnie and Clyde last weekend, so my thoughts on the latter are much fresher

[jeaninesfavouriteserum]

i unlocked another potential comfort character

[badmovieihave]

Bad movie I have Rush Hour 1998

[thecoolersouthparkforeignkids]

“What? N-No… You have something written on your hand…”

Imaginary camera pans to where Jo is standing a few feet away (office style), face palming. Next time he’s going to supervise her, for now he needs to go save her before she starts panic-crying, making a bigger spectacle of herself than she already has.

“Oh-Kay…” Jo quickly makes his way over, grabbing Angel by the shoulders to drag her away, “Sorry about that, it’s her first day on earth apparently.”

“Hi Tweek.”

Jo told Angel to be more social with their classmates, so she’s approaching anyone she finds interesting.

“My dad told me that caffeine makes your heart explode… So, uh… You think yours is gonna explode soon?”

U-Uhm….interesting conversation — mngh — s-starter..

[notebookmusical]

books read in 2024!

books read so far: 107/100

— gr: http://goodreads.com/cossettereads — sg: https://app.thestorygraph.com/profile/cossettereads

as always, askbox + dms are open if have any questions or would like to chat about books! 🤍

⊹ indicates any (new) favorites of the month! previous months are under the cut!

december ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ

1) the raven boys by maggie stiefvater (reread, annotated) 2) these violent delights by micah nemerever (audiobook) 3) wicked: the the life and times of the wicked witch of the west by gregory maguire (audiobook) 4) alice's adventures in wonderland & other stories by lewis carroll (annotated) 5) the outsiders by s.e. hinton

january ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) beach read by emily henry (reread) 2) on palestine by noam chomsky & ilan pappé 3) valley verified by kyla zhao (gifted) 4) the wind at my back: resilience, grace, and other gifts from my mentor, raven wilkinson by misty copeland & susan fales-hill (gifted) 5) check please: year one by ngozi ukazu (reread) 6) check please: year two by ngozi ukazu (reread) 7) check please: year three by ngozi ukazu (reread) 8) check please: year four by ngozi ukazu (reread) 9) raiders of the lost heart by jo segura (gifted) 10) the frame-up by gwenda bond (arc) 11) everything i never told you by celeste ng ⊹ 12) forgive me not by jennifer baker (gifted) 13) ever after always by chloe liese (gifted) 14) the summer of bitter and sweet by jen ferguson (gifted) 15) the lily of ludgate hill by mimi matthews (gifted) 16) last call at the local by sarah grunder ruiz (gifted) ⊹ 17) the sun and the void by gabriela romero-lacruz (gifted) 18) a line in the dark by malinda lo (gifted) 19) biting the hand: growing up asian in black and white america by julia lee (gifted) 20) play it as it lays by joan didion

february ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) mister hockey by lia riley * 2) collide by bal khabra (arc) * 3) a curious beginning by deanna raybourn (gifted) 4) breaking the ice by k.r. collins * 5) if only you by chloe liese (gifted) * 6) anxious people by frederik backman ⊹ 7) the catch by amy lea (gifted) 8) weekends with you by alexandra paige (arc) 9) happily never after by lynn painter (arc) 10) klara and the sun by kazuo ishiguro 11) good material by dolly alderton 12) in the event this doesn't fall apart by shannon lee barry 13) the night ends with fire (arc) by k.x. song 14) the good, the bad, and the aunties (arc) by jesse q. sutanto 15) where sleeping girls lie (arc) by faridah àbíké-íyímídé 16) sophomore surge by k.r. collins * 17) lighting the lamp by k.r. collins * 18) glove save and a beauty by k.r. collins * 19) home ice advantage by k.r. collins * 20) power play by k.r. collins * 21) grounded by k.r. collins * 22) line chemistry by k.r. collins *

march ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) happy medium by sarah adler (arc) 2) a darker shade of magic by v.e. schwab (audiobook) 3) expiration dates by rebecca serle (arc) 4) divine rivals by rebecca ross (book club) 5) the siren by katherine st. john (gifted) 6) light in gaza edited by jehad abusalim 7) how to end a love story by yulin kuang (arc) // reviewed here 8) rising from the deep: the seattle kraken, a tenacious push for expansion, and the emerald city's sports revival by geoff baker 9) les misérables by victor hugo (reread)

april ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) the goodbye cat by hiro arikawa (reread) 2) the traveling cat chronicles by hiro arikawa (reread) 3) this is me trying by racquel marie (arc) 4) kill her twice by stacey lee (arc) 5) the pairing by casey mcquiston (arc) 6) swiped by l.m. chilton (arc) 7) lies and weddings by kevin kwan (arc) 8) the odyssey by homer (audiobook)

may ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ˚

1) this summer will be different by carley fortune (arc) 2) the viscount who loved me by julia quinn (reread) 3) romancing mister bridgerton by julia quinn (reread) 4) the iliad by homer (narrated by audra mcdonald) (audiobook) 5) a novel love story by ashley poston (arc) 6) when he was wicked by julia quinn (reread) 7) a banh mi for two by trinity nguyen (arc) 8) the secret garden by frances hodgson burnett (audiobook)

june ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ

1) lessons in chemistry by bonnie garmus 2) the phantom of the opera by gaston leroux (audiobook) 3) you, with a view by jessica joyce 4) s. by j.j. abrams & doug dorst 5) the hunchback of the notre dame (audiobook) A

july ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ

1) firekeeper's daughter by angeline boulley (audiobook) ⊹ 2) born to run by bruce springsteen (audiobook) 3) it had to be you by eliza jane brazier 4) the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald (reread; annotated) 5) death on the nile by agatha christie (audiobook) 6) blue sisters by coco mellors (arc) ⊹ 7) juniper and thorn by ava reid (audiobook) 8) the villain edit by laurie devore ⊹

august ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ

1) a study in drowning by ava reid (audiobook) 2) just for the summer by abby jimenez 3) the match by sarah adams (audiobook)

september ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ

1) the glitch by leeanne slade (audiobook) 2) howl’s moving castle by diana wynne jones (traveling book club; annotated) 3) how to kill your family by bella mackie (audiobook) 4) everyone i kissed since you got famous by mae marvel (audiobook) 5) blue sisters by coco mellors (reread, annotation) 6) mott street: a chinese american family's story of exclusion and homecoming by ava chin ⊹ 7) confronting the racist legacy of the american child welfare system: the case for abolition by alan j. dettlaff 8) jane eyre by charlotte brontë

october ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ

1) anne of green gables by l.m. montgomery 2) intermezzo by sally rooney 3) razzle dazzle: the battle for broadway by michael riedel 4) designing broadway: how derek mclane and other acclaimed set designers create the visual world of theatre by derek mclane and eila mell 5) summer in the city by alex aster (arc) 6) rebecca by daphne du maurier (audiobook) ⊹

november ⋆ ˚｡⋆౨ৎ

1) shoot your shot by lexi lafleur brown (arc) 2) ready or not by cara bastone 3) the secret life of the american musical: how broadway shows are built by jack viertel 4) the starless sea by erin morgenstern (reread, annotated)

[olivelune]

A Waitrose Mystery: Solved | Christmas Advert 2024 | Waitrose

Part 2

The mystery of the missing dessert is finally solved🔎

[morbidology]

In the early morning hours of 1 March, 2008, the Caffey family were awoken by the sound of gunfire in their Alba, Texas, home. Two men, 19-year-old Charlie James Wilkinson and 20-year-old Charles Allen Waid, had broken into the home and began shooting and stabbing members of the family.

37-year-old Penny Caffrey and her two sons, 13-year-old Matthew and 8-year-old Tyler died in the attack but 41-year-old Terry Caffey, miraculously survived after being shot multiple times. Penny had been almost decapitated by a samurai sword while Matthew was shot dead and most disturbingly, Tyler was stabbed to death as he hid inside his closet. The attackers then set the house on fire.

Terry was able to identify the two men who systematically brutally slaughtered his family as the boyfriend and friend of his his 16-year-old daughter, Erin Caffey. It was uncovered that Erin had been the mastermind behind the savage attack due to her parents forbidding her from seeing Charlie, who they believed to be a bad influence. Erin sat outside in the car as Charlie and Charles murdered her family.

Both men received life imprisonment while Erin accepted a plea deal in which she could be released from prison on good behavior when she is 59-years-old. Despite her actions, her father has stood by her side and visits her in prison weekly.

[thecoolersouthparkforeignkids]

Explaining the dynamic of these four fuckers right here (Jo, Declan, Tesni, Angel)

Jo is the oldest of the group (Jan 26th bday), the shortest and is so brainrotted it’s painful to be near him for too long. 90% of the things out of his mouth are brainrot versions of weezer songs. When he’s not being a total moron, he’s super protective of his friends but more so of Angel specifically because she’s too gullible and trusting for her own good. Surprisingly, he manages to be good friends with pretty much everyone in their grade. He’s annoying but that sort of endearing annoying.

Declan is the youngest (Aug 30th bday) and has lived in South Park for the least amount of time. He gets joy from pissing people off and claiming to have done all sorts of outlandish things. (Think if Jay from inbetweeners was more of a total prick + ginger and from Cork). While Jo laughs off most of what Declan says, simp moment, and Angel doesn’t understand half the stuff Declan is talking about, Tesni fucking hates it and will argue with him for hours on end to “prove he’s a fucking liar” - This usually gets really heated and it makes Tesni so pissed that her little demon horns poke out.

Tesni only really wanted to be friends with Angel, but Angel was friends with Jo and then Jo was simping for Declan, so now they’re a group. She doesn’t really believe in star signs but will blame anything on her being an Aries (Her bday is April 6th). She acts like she loves working at Raisins/being the centre of attention but she secretly hates it. Her “dream” of moving to LA to become a model is total bullshit too, she wants to go all cottagecore wlw with Angel when they’re older. The further away from her parents the better, they might even move back to Wales and go full on cottagecore and get a farm. Tesni is very good at acting though, so only Angel has seen the true softer side of her (and Jo did once but he was sworn to secrecy).

Angel, as previously mentioned, is really gullible and kinda socially unaware (she’s audhd tho, so it’s to be expected lol). Despite coming out with absolutely insane takes - just parroting her dad, doesn’t actually agree - she’s a little sweetheart. (Born on February 14th). Her friends are usually there to ‘save’ her from bad things/people, so not many people realise that she’s got the most devastating insults ready to destroy people with - locked and loaded at all times because she starts thinking of them as soon as she meets someone she knows will be bad news.

All four of them have definitely committed crimes.

[why-does-hf-commit-so-much-crime]

I thought it was strange how distant he got after that conversation, but now with what I found and...and who we didn't find...I honestly believe he killed him.

*Ted looked up at Detective Shapiro from his seat on him and Paul's couch. He was clearly distressed, tears staining his face. The result of his night at his father's resulted in careful plotting. If he could catch Paul at home after work he'd have to at least get questioned by an officer..and it would be nice to have a mediator for the no doubt harsh conversation they would have.

Ted felt terrible betraying this husband like this, but what had happened was wrong. Horribly wrong. And it was making him wonder about all the other mysterious deaths in this damn town.*

I found the evidence in my car, which makes no sense to me because I hadn't used it all weekend! I went out on the neighborhood search the day after Mark was reported missing and Paul stayed home to make dinner.

@teddybearspankingoffurski

Listen, Mr. Matthews I-

*The look he gave her made her stop to reconsider.*

Ted. We can't be sure of anything until our lab results come back on the stuff you found in your car.

*She gave him an awkward pat on the shoulder, crying people weren't her strong suit. Her strong suit was interrogation and investigation, she really should've brought along a counsellor or something. She let out a huff, glancing at the files she'd brought along.

She didn't even know how to comfort the poor man, Paul seemed like a nice guy. He donated a quarter of his yearly salary to the Hatchetfield child fund, he did charity work with the police every other week. It just didn't make sense for him to go around murdering good people like Mark.

Really the only she had besides the evidence they'd yet to confirm was Ted's word and his criminal records from when he was in highschool, which were years in the past. The occasional possession of substances, a few fist fights, and being a suspect in the murder of one Riley Wilkinson. Not even a psyche evaluation, just a good, community oriented man. Well, besides his dislike of theatre, but, that wasn't much of anything to convict for murder over.*

I promise you, we will get to the bottom of this. If Paul is guilty, he will be taken care of. You're safe with me, everything will be okay.

[mannequinhandsinyerma]

My two babies meeting each other (they’re bonding over being British)

They purposely have similar designs btw cus I thought it’d be funny, like how some of the boys have a ‘girl counterpart/version’ in some eps.

[queercontent]

Another zine I want to work on is for Billy Elliot's 25th anniversary next year. I wouldn't say this was my gay awakening, but it's certainly remained a great love given my teen obsession with Jamie Bell and how often it appeared on free-to-air television. It sits alongside But I'm a Cheerleader (1999) and Beautiful Thing (1996) as films that made me feel privileged to have grown up gay when I did.

If you've got something nerdy to say about this film, DM me with it (or add comments to a reblog) the second you finish reading.

The zine would talk about Billy Elliot's 'controversy': the debates about whether it counted as queer, and grooming allegations against Daldry for his sheer proximity to a young actor. It would also include how my crush on Jamie Bell developed over the last twenty-five years. But tbh that's all just filler. What I really want to talk about is how its big, nerdy intertextual references make it media created for us rather than a cishet audience.

First reference is from history, because why choose the 1984 miner's strike as your setting if your film had nothing to say about their contributions to Gay Liberation? Perhaps a little headcanon, but no less important to highlight this largely forgotten change in Labour's policy-making both in the UK and here in Australia.

And because we don't have a world of time, and because it was a helpful reminder when it came out, we lean on the 2014 docudrama PRIDE. This one follows Lesbians and Gays Support the Miners (LGSM), who crossed prejudices to show their solidarity during the 1984 strike — going as far as holding a club fundraiser featuring Bronski Beats as their headliner.

LGSM's contributions were ultimately refused by the Miner's Union, and yet they left a lasting impression on mining communities and labour unions. LGSM were subsequently joined by hundreds of miners during Gay Pride 1985 who had by then voted to include gay and lesbian rights in their party portfolio. It was the first time a major political party in the West had committed to supporting queer rights.

Next we slide hard into Matthew Bourne's Swan Lake, which premiered in 1995. This modern re-queerification of the classic ballet by gay composer Pyotr Tchaikovsky has the prince assume part of the princess's role as he pursues a mysterious Stranger (the swan). Here Bourne goes as far as to replace the entire cast of traditionally female swans with sweaty, bare-chested lads.

The 2012 capture watchable [ here ] stars homosexual hearthrob Dominic North as the forlorn prince.

Now, in Billy Elliot, Mrs Wilkinson recounts the classic tale to Billy as they listen to Swan Lake on the ferry. It's a wonderful scene where Wilkinson begins with reverence and dramatics, but ends with her usual boredom, leaving young Billy both confused and unsatisfied with the plot. To me this echoes the desire among 90s content producers to change how we told queer stories.

In Billy Elliot's closing scene, however, we see a 25yo Billy leap onto the stage as Bourne's Stranger rather than the classic princess (even nerdier than that, we see Bourne's original Stranger, Adam Cooper, playing a 25yo Billy Elliot). You realise in future screenings that the opening scene is also an homage to Bourne's Swan Lake: much as the young prince begins his story in bed, dreaming a swan hottie will save him from becoming a man; Billy begins jumping on his bed, flapping his arms, dreaming of something beyond the life he's expected to grow into.

Quick tangent via The Eagle (2011), starring Channing Tatum as Roman legionnaire Marcus and Jamie Bell as his British slave Esca. Now, do we condone slavery? Absolutely not. But we do enjoy watching Tatum and Bell get super clingy as they traip across the countryside in what has to be the most romantic bro film of all time.

Relevance to Billy Elliot? Vague. But hear me out.

The film's based on Rosemary Sutcliff's The Eagle of the Ninth (1954), which ends with Marcus settling down as a farmer with Esca and a Briton wife named Cottia who doesn't appear in the film. Subsequent novels follow the father's ring as it's passed down Marcus's bloodline, meaning they shagged down to produce an heir but implying literally nothing else.

But imagine removing Marcus's wife from the equation altogether (all women, actually), adding 'submission' to the male bonding elements of your film, reprimanding disaster bisexual Channing Tatum for suggesting it's a romance, and then expecting a professional homosexual like me to believe this doesn't count as another gay Jamie Bell movie. That's all I'm saying.

Lastly, I want to talk about Elton John co-writing the musical, and Tom Holland as the most famous Billy. I want to talk about Spanish Billies Pau Gimeno and Cristian López acting together in Paraiso (2021-22). I want to talk about Kate Mara (married to Bell) as Patty Bowes in the first season of POSE (2018-21), and her sister Rooney as Therese Belivet in Carol (2015). I want to talk about so many things.

What would YOU want to write about this film?