#Man just wanted to solve his problems with cake

[fountainpenguin]

Mind Over Magic

Crocker stuffing the cafeteria ceiling full of Fs...

So funny that A.J.'s reaction to Timmy getting answers right on a quiz is that he's lucky and Chester just assumes Timmy cheated somehow.

Wanda really has no filter... She'll just call her godchild a jerk with no hesitation. lmao.

I love Veronica's crush on Timmy.

Elmer has life so freakin' rough. There's just one kid in this class who's inexplicably possessed... incredible. <- Has a sudden urge to binge "Never Had a Friend Like Me" again.

I totally forgot Crocker knows about Elmer's mind control situation (or at least, we know Elmer asked him about it and Crocker promised to help him).

Wanda holding an entire armful of candy while Timmy gets only one piece... lol.

Hard Copy

Remembering how afraid Cosmo is of the doctor... Me glancing awkwardly at my 'fics like "Yeah, that tracks."

Cracks me up that Wanda and Juandissimo have an ongoing relationship of her using him "as bait." That's just what they are and he will play along every time... They are so funny.

This is such a good episode for Wanda... All the magical mistakes and poor choices in this episode are hers. I like when she pulls a jar of jam from the copier and starts eating it, completely forgetting what Timmy asked for... or when she and Timmy eat cake instead of solving the magical mishap affecting them. Very Season 7-esque when they have a tea party while Cosmo's gone ("Super Zero").

RIP Flipsie's indoctrination into a life of crime.

Parenthoods

Still so funny that Cosmo loves Canada in this episode and then in Season 7, you learn he's convinced his brother invented Canada.

I want Hazel to meet Schnozmo so bad...

Every time Mr. Turner calls his wife nicknames like Snugglebutt I lose my mind. Man just loves fawning over his wife.

Lol, there's a scene in Frayed Knots I wrote years ago that we're almost upon, and it draws directly from this episode (Anti-Wanda convinced the Anti-Fairy legal system will see her through).

Timmy has some really cute body language in this episode.

Honestly, this is one of my favorite episodes- it's just so silly and cute. Good use of magic and shapeshifting, lots of fun jokes like magic bending the fabric of the world like a map (or Timmy trying to assist with a theft).

-> I have a draft somewhere where I note down odd things that aren't against Da Rules, and I think "Assisting with crime" is one I need to add.

THERE THEY ARE! Cosmo and Wanda turn into rats at the end of this episode, and I think that's the shape of the rat I saw during my first watch of "1500 Minutes of Fame" and wondered if I'd seen it before. I'll have to compare these sometime.

The Big Superhero Wish

I have a soft spot for "Big Superhero Wish" because it's one of the first episodes I ever saw (during a visit to a pizza place when the sound was muted).

-> I think it's a fun one in the way it looks at relationships between random schoolkids (Especially Veronica). I also enjoy how Chester gets to chew through matter in this episode and then when you get to Season 5, he's trying to chew his way out of the F.U.N. Academy with the same "Munch munch munch" dialogue he does here.

Apparently Nega-Chin can tell Timmy and Remy apart even though regular Crimson Chin can't.

Timmy drowning in papers marked F followed by "Cool, there's a D in here!"

I like watching Timmy's average problems like getting picked on and wanting a glass of milk to cheer him up, but not even getting that.

Minotaur Francis is everything to me...

I like how Crocker knows a lot about comics, but specifically because he's confiscated them from kids during class. Playing that against his miserable child upbringing is kind of funny... I wonder if he read many comics as a kid, or if that's not something he ever really wished for.

Actually, Timmy being cut off before finishing a wish is something I would've liked to see more often. It's just silly. The tension balance in this episode once the heroes are wished away and villains stay is pretty good.

ksdlkfj, "I used my regular kid window-opening powers!" Elmer...

Totally forgot Chester ran up to Vicky and bit her on the leg, oh geez.

"My nega-vision will cut through your bodies like nega-vision!"

I would've loved an episode where Timmy goes into the real world to rescue the writer of the Crimson Chin comics since this episode ends with the Nega-Chin taking him captive. Alas. I guess I could write a 'fic about that, but I think it defeats the point a little when the visuals aren't going to change, haha.

I really want to watch "Masked Magician" again now, but I think that's later in Season 5 so it'll come up later in my binge.

Vicky Loses Her Icky

Ooh, Sanderson head gag means "Pixies Inc." is coming up after this!

This episode is so goofy. Timmy's parents hire Vicky to babysit Timmy while they sit in the car in the driveway, waiting to be hungry enough to leave to the restaurant.

I wonder why I always see people complain this episode is annoying for "giving Vicky the backstory of being evil due to being bitten by a bug," because it's clearly stated that the bug came about because she was mean and Cosmo and Wanda had to give it physical form to remove it [Wanda claiming "All that evil has to go somewhere"]. /shrug

Here it is! I've been trying to remember what the "corn on Pluto" episode was.

I don't... I don't love Vicky saying she's leaving to donate organs. Are they HER organs?

Alarm bells instantly ringing when Vicky offers to dig people basements. I don't think Dale would like that.

Shout-out to Timmy's dad being rescued from the evil bug and immediately saying, "Hey, we're at the Cake 'N Bacon... Are we at least being nice?"

President dressing up like George Washington was such a funny way to avoid depicting a specific president.

Pixies Inc.

My boys are in the house!!

How have I literally never noticed Timmy's in the Future Business Leaders of America club...

Y'know, I always thought H.P. was just blatantly losing the golf game despite cheating, but watching again, the reason he has more strokes than Timmy in golf is because he went first.

Never not funny how many emotions the Pixies show when they're actually spooked or sad. They talk in monotone, but still make expressions... and that's not even counting their silly dialogue. I love them.

Dale Dimmadome & H.P. dynamic is so silly to me... Dale grew up around Dimmadome Farms [implied] and runs a burger chain, and the soy- & rice-loving Pixies aren't exactly known for eating meat. I just want them to try getting on the same page and continually hit roadblocks that make it weird.

Baby Face

I had no memory of "Baby Face" coming immediately after "Pixies Inc.," but oh my gosh does that make the "Gary and Betty seemingly knew about Pixies the whole time" theory funnier.

There they are! My other sillies are in the house!

Wait.......... hold up. Were Gary and Betty in the room when Timmy made his baby wish? -> There... there's no door behind them when the camera pans over.

They are so dang sus. Why were these babies unsupervised. Why did they not hesitate for a split-second before cramming Francis in a teeny tiny cage..... They are my everything.

crying at the huge crash sound effect that hits as Gary and Betty open the door off-screen. Why are they like that...

I say this every time I watch this episode, but Gary and Betty opting not to help a crying child and instead lock him in a soundproof dome is so dang funny. These two should not be left with kids. If they show up in New Wish with the Pixies, I will die actually... I still can't believe we got a Flappy Bob cameo. My son.

I feel like Vicky knowing Gary's and Betty's fun box song by heart is such a neat detail. Why is she hanging out with them. Why would they ever hang out with her. Fascinating...

Mr. Right

Another of the episodes I watched muted at a pizza place once upon a time...

Timmy and Melvin shoved into the same locker is giving me Leonard/Tammy flashbacks.

Elmer really doesn't keep his problems secret, huh? ("The boil doesn't like to be touched!")

Shout-out to the running gag of Francis scheduling his beatings.

I wonder why Vicky didn't go to school. The elementary school got out early. Maybe "recording Timmy's pain for future generations as a short film" was her homework.

...... Okay, actually.... I can TOTALLY see why A.J. goes on to found the Galax Institute in A New Wish based on his sudden uptick of interest in Timmy after noticing he's right all the time. I guess he really will chase the unexplained!

I love Francis... "Guess what I have behind my back. And don't say scorpion, because I checked." <- Guy who's really itching to finish my "Francis with a fairy godparent" 'fic...

lol, is Wanda's signature in her poof cloud the same as her signature when she signed papers in "Pixies Inc."? I think it might be.

That's all for now.

[inexpressiblybeatiful]

Sherlock and Irene: *are going through emotional turmoil*

Mycroft:

[lcvclywon]

in sickness and in health

back to masterlist

synopsis After a long fight with Jay you find yourself giving him the silent treatment. Leaving you curled up alone sick in your room, with your only comfort being the instant tteokbokki you had microwaved for yourself earlier. However it seems Jay knew where to be and what to say at exactly the right times.

warnings: mentions of food, mentions of sickness, mentions of kissing, pet names (honey), slight angst, I made YN as the 6th member of lesserafim so that the whole same building thing made sense so...js roll with it pls 😁, also not proof read!, slight fighting

genre ⋅˚₊‧ ୨୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ hurt to comfort

pairings: idol!jay x idol!reader, established relationship

wc ୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ around 1.14k

thoughts frm yuya 💭 i know i said i was gonna go on a hiatus but i needed a serotonin boost from writing after doing a horrendous maths paper.... so semi hiatus i guess ^^ anywaysss this drabble has been rotting in the back of my mind for a while soo here u are, i'm a huge huge HUGE sucker for hurt to comfort tropes so >,<

A week. It had been a week since you and Jay had a massive argument causing the two of you to give each other the silent treatment for god knows how long. However, as if the world was out to get you, the next morning after the fight you had been plagued with a sickness that you couldn’t quite pin down, all you knew was it left you bedridden until Friday. 

Due to said sickness, you obviously couldn’t join your group for schedules and barely entered the building for dance practice. You hoped Jay would at least notice your absence, send a message asking where you were or something. But to your dismay, radio silence.

“Who cares about some stupid guy anyways…” Grumbling under your breath you reached for your chopsticks to skewer another rice cake from your measly plate of instant tteokbokki and shovel it down your throat. Maybe excessive spice you couldn’t handle and soft pillowy rice cakes could solve all your problems. 

Ding dong! Weird, you didn’t think the members would be back this early? 

Begrudgingly ripping the covers off and placing your bowl back on your table, you went to the door. Hair still an oily mess from not showering properly and clothes stuck to your body from sweat, you clearly weren’t in pristine condition to be meeting anyone. Please don’t be a delivery man, please don’t be a delivery man.

However, after opening the door, you found yourself standing in front of the one person you’d been longing for the whole week. Park Jongseong. Your gaze softened slightly and a small smile crept onto your lips, but then you remembered that you were still mad at him. Fighting the urge to embrace him and cry out for his name, you plastered on a stoic expression of indifference. 

“What are you doing here.” 

“Chaewon told me you were sick,” he said before entering into your dorm, not bothering to wait for you to let him in.

Making his way over to the kitchen he placed a white takeaway bag onto the counter before emptying its contents onto the table: a warm bowl of your favourite porridge and a cup of tea from your favourite cafe. 

“What’s this?” positioning yourself in front of Jay, you scanned the table to see the numerous small boxes of side dishes sprawled across. 

“Porridge, it’s good for you when you’re sick.” he replied before shooting his head over to the remnants of your tteokbokki “Honey why are you eating tteokbokki, you’re sick you shouldn’t be eating instant food.” he scolded before reaching over throw your lukewarm leftovers in the trash.

“It’s not that bad…” you mumbled whilst picking at the side dishes “And why do you suddenly care, thought you weren’t talking to me” Scoffing you shot him a dirty glare. 

“Correction, you weren’t talking to me; I thought you needed some space, as you usually do after a fight.” well he wasn’t wrong, you did express to him that after arguments you wanted some time to cool down by yourself, “and also, I’m not ‘suddenly’ just caring YN. Who do you think Yunjin got all those drinks, medicines, and snacks from.” 

Oh… so she didn’t buy them herself. Your gaze reached his eyes as you felt your heart soften slightly, “Okay, well you could’ve sent me a text or something. You could’ve come here and given it to me yourself, why today out of all days do you decide to come huh?” meeting your glossy eyes, Jay could tell how hurt you were over his actions. He couldn’t deny that it pained him to see you this upset. 

“Okay look, I’m sorry. I wanted to come over, but Sakura said whatever you caught was contagious and that you isolated yourself to make sure you got nobody else sick. As I mentioned earlier, you told me you liked to have time to cool down after fighting, but it was stupid of me not to even try to text you. Today it all just-” Jay stopped his rambling, catching his breath before sighing out, “I just really missed you YN” 

That was all the confirmation you needed to run into his arms and hug him so tight he didn’t even think about leaving again. Jay was quick to reciprocate, arms wrapping around you to engulf you into his warm embrace, head buried into the crook of your neck whispering sweet nothings. 

Breaking away from the embrace and tilting your head up you were graced with a warm and familiar smile painted across Jay’s face; a smile you so badly missed the entire week. 

“Don’t ever do that again.” you said with a pout 

“Promise I won't honey,” his hands reached to cup your face before adding, “Only if you promise to stop eating that stuff when you’re sick.” 

“Hey, it’s yummy! I can’t help it that I can’t cook soup or anything, tteokbokki has never failed me.” 

“Guess I’ll have to keep bringing you food then.” he replied with a smirk

“Well, I could use a personal delivery man.” giggling you reached up to mirror his actions, cupping his face with your warm hands. 

“Oh really, would a delivery man do this?” and with that he pressed a playful peck onto your lips; soft and gentle, something you missed dearly. 

“Jay!” you exclaimed, “You can’t do that, you’ll get sick!” 

“So. What.” he said between pecks, peppering your face with kisses as you giggled and placed your hands on his chest to try and push him away. Pulling away he looked into your eyes with a warm and gentle gaze, smiling softly before leaning in to give you a proper kiss. Feeling the worry of your sickness transferring to him vanish, you melted into the kiss whilst wrapping your arms around his neck. In response, his hand found its way to the small of your back while the other reached up to cup the back of your neck. It always astonished you how easily he could pull you into his orbit, almost made you forget about the soreness of your body and the fever plaguing you. 

Retreating back he giggled at your pouting face. “I’d love to continue, but I wouldn’t want the food I bought you to get cold” intertwining your fingers with his, he led you over to a chair before sitting you down. “Let’s eat okay?” he muttered before taking his spot right next to yours, hand still intertwined with your fingers. His other hand however reached over to spoon you some porridge, moving the utensil closer to your mouth. 

You happily bent forward to enjoy the bite he crafted for you, an all too familiar sensation bubbling up within you—a warmth you could only describe as, home. Jay felt like home. And you hoped he would for the rest of your lives.

perm taglist ♡ (send an ask to be added!) @floweryang

[myjelllybean]

Who's the dad

This is a Evan Buckley (9-1-1) fanfiction I have finally decided to post. It is the first or second fanfiction I have written in my whole life so this is probably bad. English is not my first language so there could be a few mistakes.

I hope everyone who reads this enjoys it. If anyone has feedback, I am open for it.<3

Summary: A few months after a one-night stand leaves (Y/N) pregnant, she unexpectedly meets the baby's father at a BBQ at her dad's fire station.

The blonde guy was hot, (Y/N) had to admit. His baby blue shirt lets his eyes glow in the most perfect way.

“So why are you here today?”, (Y/N) asked. They both had a silent deal: no name’s, no prying for information.

“Hard day at work”, the man answered. “You?”

“Hard week.” (Y/N) knew she was already drunk, but she ordered another tequila. In the afternoon, she brought her kids to their grandparents, Bobby and Athena. The reason she told them: I need the evening for drinking until I don’t even know my name anymore.

She knew drinking wasn’t going to solve her problem, but it would numb her for at least one night. It would make her forget the pain.

The man nodded, but she didn’t even know what she had said before.

They drank a few drinks together until both of them saw black spots dancing in front of their eyes.

(Y/N) knew it was wrong what she wanted to do know. She wanted to kiss this man. She wanted to forget why she was here tonight. She knew exactly how wrong it would be. How disappointed everyone would look at her. But screw it. She wanted him and she wanted him now.

She leant forward and pressed a kiss on his lips. It felt so right, but so wrong. It didn’t matter. The blonde deepened the kiss. The next thing (Y/N) knew was that they were in the man’s apartment. In his bed.

___

(Y/N) did her best to hide the baby bump – but it didn’t help much. Maybe she could tell everyone she has just eaten too much when they were in Europe. She hasn’t seen anyone of her family in the last 5 months. They didn’t know she was pregnant and they are not supposed to. Half a year ago she packed her stuff and drove away with the kids.

After her husband died and she slept with this stranger, she had to leave. She wasn’t able to stay anymore. She was ashamed of herself. How was she able to sleep with someone just some hours after Henry died? They weren’t always happy but she loved him. He had been her world. Until he was gone.

“Mommy? How much longer we have to drive?” James asked from the back of the car. He was the most impatient of her kids.

“Only around half an hour then you can finally see grandpa and grandma again.”

(Y/N) heard a sigh from her son and chuckled.

“Is there going to be cake? Is grandpa going to make pasta for us?” Cameron. She and James are twins and couldn’t be more similar. Both impatient and always hungry until they ate two bites and complain about being too full to eat any more.

“I don’t know. I have never been to a party at the station.” Nobody knew they were going to come. It was going to be a surprise.

Suddenly, Emily began to cry in her seat. The two-year old always slept in the car, but when she woke up, she always had a shock and started to cry when she noticed they were driving.

“Liv, can you please give Emily her pacifier?” The 14-year-old didn’t seem to hear her mom, as she had her headphones in her ears and scrolled through TikTok’s.

“Liv! Give your sister her damn pacifier!” Finally.

After two weeks in Europe, (Y/N) was already super annoyed. She tried to keep it cool, but it wasn’t easy to be with four kids and pregnant when she didn’t have her husband around.

___

Just a few minutes later, (Y/N) parked in front of the firehouse. She had been here before. Not inside it but she had dropped off her father a few times when his car was at the car repair.

“Ok! We are here! All out of the car!” (Y/N) picked up her youngest and followed the rest of the kids inside the firehouse.

She didn’t see many people downstairs, but around 50 people were upstairs.

“(Y/N)? Hey! You’re back! Where were you in the last few months? We tried to call you but you didn’t answer. We were so worried!” Bobby literally ran to her and hugged her as tightly as possible with Emily between them. “She grew up so much”, he said, reaching out to stroke Emily’s back.

“Yes. She absolutely did.” (Y/N) could see the worried and exhausted expression on her father’s face and immediately felt sorry for not even writing him and Athena a message that she and the kids were ok.

“May I introduce you to the team?”, Bobby asked after hugging the twins and Liv, who finally put away her headphones.

The 118’s Captain led his family to a bunch of people in uniforms.

“These guys are Eddie, Chimney, Hen and Buck.” (Y/N)’s breath caught in her throat. Fuck. The super-hot guy stood in front of her. With his uniform he looked even better that in his baby blue shirt he wore the last time. Why the fuck did she still remember what this guy had worn when they met in the bar?!

“Meet (Y/N), Liv, James, Cameron and Emily.”

“Hey! Nice to meet y’all”, (Y/N) said overly friendly, trying to hide the surprise, as well as Buck did.

“Grandpa? You have cake?”, Cameron asked Bobby.

“Of course. A party without cake isn’t a party. Come on, I’ll show you all.” Bobby led the kids away from (Y/N) and the team, over to the kitchen island on which many plates of cake were standing.

“’So… you are Cap’s daughter?”, a brown-haired man asked, who (Y/N) remembered as Eddie.

“Yepp, that’s me.” (Y/N) looked at Buck who looked just as surprised, as she felt.

“So, you are Buck?”, she asked him just as a try to build a conversation. She tugged gently on her shirt, as she didn’t want Buck to notice her baby bump.

“Uhm… yes. I am. Evan Buckley. So… these are your kids? You look quite young”, Buck asked and (Y/N) furrowed her brow until she realized, they haven’t talked about ages when they spent the night together. She was quite young for already having 4 kids. She had Liv when she was 16, but she barely told people, as she always got these judging looks.

“Yes, they are.” (Y/N) stared at the ground, unable to hold eye contact with the man she had a breathtaking night.

“Father’s not in the picture?”, Eddie asked and (Y/N) could see that Buck was relieved, that his friend asked the question, so he didn’t seem too suspicious.

“Um, no. He died 5 months ago. Car accident.” Instead of staring at the ground, (Y/N) now looked at the ceiling, trying to stop the tears, which always threatened to flow freely, whenever she talked about her late husband.

When she finally managed to make eye contact with Evan, she could see pain written over his face. Her husband died 5 months ago, around the same time, she slept with him. Had he been some kind of replacement? He knew they agreed to one night – no personal information, but it still hurt to know she didn’t actually feel the tiniest bit. She only had tried to compensate everything.

---

Around 3 hours later, in which the 118 got a small call once but came back after only one and a half hour, they all sat at the big table, because it was dinner time. Most of the time, (Y/N) stood on the sidelines, as she didn’t really feel comfortable around all these people she barely knew, and Buck. Nobody seemed to have noticed the baby bump which was covered under her shirt.

And now, (Y/N) even felt nauseous and had cramps in her lower belly. Her other pregnancies had gone quite well, except the last few months with the twins, but this pregnancy was terrible. She already had to go to hospital 4 times in the last 5 months, as she couldn’t keep anything down and had been severely dehydrated.

After only 2 bites, (Y/N) had to lay down the fork because she felt like she would throw up right away if she ate only one more bite. She had already thrown up breakfast and everything she drank today. She was lucky no one noticed she hasn’t eaten a piece of cake before.  

“Are you ok?”, the brown-haired man from before asked. Eddie? (Y/N) has always been terrible with names and couldn’t remember any. It took her 2 weeks to even remember Henry’s name after she met him, something he also made fun of, even years later.

“Uh yes. Just not feeling too great today”, she answered, trying to suppress the feeling to be sick. Her throat felt tight and her stomach felt like it was twisting and turning. The cramps were still present. She knew she wasn’t having a miscarriage as she once had one, and it felt different. The symptoms were pretty much the same, but she had another feeling. She had felt like something was missing, but this here wasn’t any better.

“You sure? You don’t look too good and you haven’t eaten much. Don’t you like the food?”, her father intervened now.

“The food’s great. Really. I haven’t been feeling my best today, that’s it.”

“Do you want one of the medics to take a look at you?” Bobby really seemed worried, but his daughter waved him off.

“Dad. Don’t make more out of it than it is.” Her dad made an acknowledging sound and (Y/N) thanked him silently with a small nod.

(Y/N) fidgeted with her hands, a nervous habit, she always did when she felt uncomfortable. Today, this many people were too much. She has never liked being around many people for a long time. She felt like everyone was staring at her and making fun off her or thinking of her as a disappointment when she did something wrong. Her kids were different, except of Liv. Liv came after her mom in these things, while the others luckily came after their dad and were the most social persons in this world.

Everyone looked at (Y/N), as she suddenly stood up, because a wave of nausea waved over her. As fast as possible she went to the restrooms, but only made it to the sink, where she threw up the bit of water she had managed to drink before. She rinsed her mouth and looked in the mirror. She looked like shit. Her skin was pale and her lips dry.

The door opened, and a woman stepped inside. She was around as tall as (Y/N) was and wore a wine-red shirt, that showed she worked at the 911 dispatch center. Had she been at the dinner table before? Or has (Y/N) just not seen her?

“Oh hey. Sorry. Just needed a break from out there. Who are you? I have never seen you here before. I am Maddie by the way. Chimney’s fiancé, Buck’s sister.”

(Y/N) raised an eyebrow. Buck’s sister?

“(Y/N). Bobby’s daughter. Nice to meet you.”

“Are you okay? You don’t look too well.” Again, this question. No, she wasn’t ok. But she didn’t say anything, so everyone should stop asking her. If she wanted someone to know she wasn’t well, she would tell.

“It’s okay. Just not feeling my best today.” Maddie nodded.

“Ok.” She didn’t pry further to get information, what (Y/N) was very thankful for.

“Soo. You are Bobby’s daughter? Athena has never mentioned, that Bobby has a daughter. She usually talks about everything.” Maddie furrowed her brow.

(Y/N) shrugged her shoulders.

“He doesn’t like talking about his private life too much.”

(Y/N) went back to the table, after she was sure she wouldn’t have to throw up again. But when she arrived at the dinner table again, she felt she was dizzy. Congratulations. First, she was sick and now she was dizzy because she didn’t drink or eat enough today.

She caught Bobby’s concerned gaze as he was looking at her, before everything went black.

___

“Heyyy! Here we go. You with us again?” She felt something painful on her chest and after a few moments she realized it was someone performing sternal rub to bring her back around. (Y/N) grumbled something.

When she tried to sit up again, there was a firm hand on her shoulder that kept her laid down.

“Damn, let me sit up if I want to. I am fine.” But (Y/N) noticed on her own how hoarse she sounded from being sick.

The hand suddenly disappeared from her shoulder, but when (Y/N) sat up, the hand was back at her back to steady her and kept her from falling over. Finally, she managed to open her eyes and caught look on the brown-haired man – Eddie. Evan sat directly next to her.

“We are just going to check a few things, ok?” All (Y/N) did, was giving an acknowledging sound from her.

The next thing she felt was a pulse-oximeter being slipped on her index finger and a blood pressure cuff on the other arm. She winced when Eddie inflated it and it squeezed tightly around her arm, which made her eyes well up with tears.

She had never liked the BP reading. When she was a kid, she cried freely as it made her arm feel like needles were jabbing it.

“Sorry.” Eddie was quick to deflate the cuff again after noticing the tears in (Y/N)’s eyes but she just shook her head to show everything’s ok. “BP’s 108/70. We are going to give you something to raise it again.”

“No! Wait!” (Y/N) frantically said. “I… I…” She made a sign for Eddie to come near to her so she could whisper into his ear without anyone hearing it. “I am pregnant but no one can know yet. I didn’t tell anyone.”

“Okayyy… I think we should go somewhere more private.” (Y/N) nodded agreeing.

Despite the other’s confused looks, they made their way to the locker room. Once they were there, Eddie began talking again.

“Has this happened before?”

“Yes, I already was in hospital because of it but it is just this morning sickness. I can’t keep anything down and it makes me dehydrated.” When (Y/N) looked to her right, she could see Buck looking at them but he couldn’t hear anything, right? He wasn’t as near and it was quite loud upstairs.

“Mhm. I want to hook you up on an IV if that’s ok with you? I don’t want you to be as dehydrated as you are now and I figure you don’t want a trip to the ER?”

“Yes, if that is possible, please.”

Only a few seconds later, (Y/N) could see her dad storming into the locker room.

“Sweetheart, what happened?” He looked kind of mad but also worried.

“Ehm… It is complica…”

“She is dehydrated because she didn’t drink or eat enough. She just wants to be alone for a moment and I can give her an IV,” Eddie intervened. (Y/N) shot him a thankful gaze and a tiny smile. She liked Eddie. He was really kind. She couldn’t think of any of her friends, who would do that for her.

“Mhm. Ok. I am going to call Athena. She said she would be here earlier. I’ll come back later.”

Bobby disappeared as fast as he came into the room.

“Thanks. For not telling him.” Eddie smiled at her.

“It’s not on me. And I think there are going to be better circumstances for that talk. How far are you?”

“5 months.”

“Ah. May I ask…”, he hesitated for a moment. “Is it your late husband’s baby?”

“No.” You didn’t know for sure why you told him, but he kind of let you feel calm and safe. “We didn’t… you know… the time before he died. We argued a lot. Had a one-night stand just a few hours after he died.”

“You know the father? Were you able to call and tell him?” Eddie looked honestly interested while he put an IV bag out of the medkit.

(Y/N) shook her head before nodding.

“I haven’t seen him… until today.” Eddie looked shocked and raised his eyebrows.

“Today? Is he here? At the station?”

(Y/N) nodded guiltily and looked at the ground when she heard Eddie chuckle.

“Damn, tell me more. Who is it?”

“Buck.”

“Buck?” The firefighter looked even more shocked than before and you nodded again.

“I didn’t know his name we agreed to ‘no personal information’. Why would I know he worked at my dad’s workplace? God… when he will find out he is going to be so pissed.” Eddie shook his head.

“Nah, I don’t think so. He will understand. And hey. You don’t have to defend yourself.” She smiled at his kindness.

She watched as Eddie swabbed the alcohol pad over the back of her hand.

“I would recommend to close your eyes if you are not good with needles”, he suggested. But (Y/N) couldn’t. She needed to see what Eddie was doing, even though she wasn’t good with needles. When the firefighter pushed the needle in the back of her hand, she let out a small squeal.

“Told you to keep your eyes closed but you refused to listen.” She heard Eddie chuckle. “Do you have any other symptoms I should be worried about?”

“I have cramps”, she admitted.

“Lower belly?” (Y/N) nodded. Why couldn’t she just have been home. She would lie on the couch and relax, but instead she was here, being poked and prodded by a firefighter.

“Can I take a look?” She nodded again. Eddie pulled her shirt over her abdomen and pressed his palm on different spots. (Y/N) looked upstairs, and froze. Fuck. She forgot that Evan was still standing upstairs, looking at the locker room. Looking at her.

Her eyes widened. Why had she agreed to this? Why didn’t she insist on being ok and went home? Why was she so stupid? She wanted to slap herself for not thinking.

Eddie seemed to notice her sudden panic, the pulse-oximeter, which was still clipped to her finger, chirped in high pitched noises.

“Hey, hey. Look at me. Deep breaths. What’s up?”

“B… Buck.” The firefighter looked where she was pointing at and sucked in a deep breath.

“Ok. That’s ok. We’ll fix that, after we are finished here, ok? It’ll be ok. Don’t worry. Try to breathe with me, the baby won’t like you breathing like that.” Demonstrative, Eddie took some deep breaths. “Do you know the gender yet?”

(Y/N) could tell that Eddie was only trying to distract her but she played along.

“A… girl. It’s a girl. Again.” She laughed. Her breathing became slower, steadier.

“That’s great. You already told your kids?”

“Mhm.”

“How did they react? Are they happy?” Eddie grinned at her.

“Y… yes. They are. James was a bit d- disappointed at first. H- he hoped he would finally get a brother t- to play soccer with.” (Y/N) smiled. “But the g- girls were all over t-the moon.”

The brown-haired man, put an oxygen mask over her face, which she tried to pull off, but his hand was immediately back, to hold the mask in place.

“Let it on, please”, he said with a look at the pulse-oximeter which was still chirping. “It’ll make it easier to breathe for you.

(Y/N) nodded, even though she hated the feeling of the mask, which made her feel the opposite of ‘easier to breathe’.

“Can I have a listen to the baby’s heartbeat?” After he had seen (Y/N) nodded again, he took the stethoscope and pressed the diaphragm to her belly.

“Looks good so far. The heartbeat is a bit fast for my liking but it’s nothing too concerning, just take some deep breaths, ok?”

“Copy, Firefighter Diaz.” (Y/N) took some deep breaths.

Just a few seconds later, someone stormed into the locker room. Buck.

“You… you are pregnant?” Buck hoped that (Y/N) would tell him it wasn’t his. That it was her husband’s.

“Yes.” She was surprised that her voice didn’t sound as high and panicking as she thought it would. She was scared. Scared of Buck’s reaction, which became even more clear, as the pulse-oximeter started to chirp frantically again.

Eddie took a look and was surprised how high the shown numbers were.

“Deep breaths”, he commanded her. But she couldn’t.

“Who’s the dad? Is it mine? Or is there a tiny chance, that it is your husband’s?” Even though (Y/N) thought something like that would come out of Buck’s mouth, she felt disappointment deep in her. She hoped he would not sound as panicked as he was now.

“Your’s.” (Y/N) fell silent, holding her breath in anticipation of what Evan would say now.

“Oh… wow. I have to admit that is a shock. Why… why didn’t you tell me? I could have been there with you.”

“I didn’t have your number, your address, your workplace. Not even your name! I didn’t even know if you lived in LA or somewhere else! What should I have done?”

Eddie put the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose, that she just put off again, but she immediately put it back to the floor. She didn’t want to breathe in the oxygen. It made her feel lightheaded and nauseous and gave her a headache.

“(Y/N)! Damn, breathe properly now the baby’s not comfortable anymore. Buck, I think you should go now and let her breathe a bit without the stress, this conversation puts on her.”

“No, he won’t go now! Not until this conversation is finished!” (Y/N) glared at Eddie. She wasn’t sure if that were the pregnancy hormones speaking out of her which have made her a bit temperamental these last few months.

“What do you want to do now? Buck? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you want to be a part in the baby’s life? Do you want to be part in MY life? I need to know it.” She could feel tears welling up in her eyes. Definitely the hormones which made her act strange at the moment.

“I don’t know exactly what I want to do now. But I don’t have a girlfriend. And I want to be part of the baby’s life. I want to be their father…”

“Her. It’s a girlie. Again.” (Y/N) could see Evan smiling a bit.

“Ok. I want to be HER father and spend time with her. And I think I would like to try to go on a date… with you. If you think you are ready. I liked you the last time we met, even though that could be because I had been really drunk that night.” Buck laughed and blushed a bit.

“I think… I think we can give it a try. I don’t know if I am ready for everything. But I do know I am ready for something. And maybe that could be with you.”

“Ok… uhm… great. And now you should really try to breathe properly with that mask. I know it’s not great, but even I can recognize how high your vitals are.”

She did as she was told. (Y/N) knew she liked Buck. He was cute. She wouldn’t have imagined to see a man like him blushing when talking about a baby and dating.

“I’m nauseous.” Eddie and Buck both looked a bit worried.

“Deep breaths. I think it’s just the IV and oxygen. I put some meds in the IV that should help with the belly cramps, that could make you feel nauseous.”

(Y/N) only nodded. She suddenly felt exhausted. The adrenaline of the day started to wear of.

“I think I’m gonna drive the kids home and we are going to relax a bit while watching some tv. Thank you for everything.”

“Wait. Stop. I won’t let you drive home alone. You don’t feel good and I wouldn’t like to know you don’t have anyone with you except you kids.” She nodded again. Evan was right. It would be stupid to not have anyone around her.

“I can come with you. Just if that’s ok with you.”

“Yes. That would be great. Thanks.”

“No problem. Shall we take your car?”

“Mhm.” She was thankful. She could really imagine Buck as a boyfriend. He is great.

---

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Evan laughed. He, (Y/N) and Liv were sat on the couch, watching a firefighter show, (Y/N) and Liv had been addicted to in the last few weeks.

“It doesn’t matter! This show is great!” Liv and Evan discussed about the mistakes in the show since around 10 minutes and it made (Y/N) smile. It was like a real family. Even though it hurt her a bit that it wasn’t Henry, sitting here. But let’s be honest: Henry would have never watched a show like that.

“That doesn’t change the fact, that you don’t use the saw like that. It’s just not safe!”

“Then just do not pay attention to the details.” Now, it was Liv laughing. (Y/N) hasn’t seen her daughter that happy in the last few months. She tried to cover up her emotions but it didn’t work completely. Her eyes started to burn and she felt a pressure building up. No, she wasn’t going to cry. Not in front of Evan. Her daughter. No.

“I’ll go to toilet for a moment.” She hoped nobody would notice she was about to cry, but her voice gave it away. She sounded hoarse and her voice broke at some point.

She locked the bathroom door and sank down to the cold floor, where she curled up, leaning her back on the even colder wall. Her hand was rubbing circles over her swollen belly. Damn it.

(Y/N) knew she missed Henry. She knew her kids have missed him every second since his death. But she was scared. Scared that moving on with Evan would make her forget her late husband. She heard a gentle knock on the wooden bathroom door.

“May I come in?” Buck.

“Ok.” Her voice sounded hoarse. She attempted to brush the tears away but it really didn’t work. Her eyes were still read, as well as her cheeks.

She got up to unlock the door, for Buck to come in. After he stepped inside the room, he closed the door again. He sat down next to her, and (Y/N) leaned her head on his shoulder.

“What’s up?”, he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Nothing.” Evan shot her a look, that said more than a thousand words.

“This honestly doesn’t look like nothing.”

“I don’t want to forget Henry. And I am scared. I have never had a relationship before him. And I still have cramps. And I still don’t feel too good in general. And I am scared of giving birth alone. And I am scared of everything else in my life.” Buck looked at her with a concerned expression and immediately pulled her into a hug as (Y/N) began to cry again.

“Ok. So, we first go to hospital, because these cramps make me worried, and then we can figure everything else out, ok?” He pressed a sloppy kiss on (Y/N)’s forehead, and she nodded.

“Mhm. But you need to help me get up, the baby is in the way.”

[writer-room]

Listen when people say they want Percy to go on a villain arc most times I see it as they want him to go dark, want him to start murdering, maiming, going full Luke, etc. And I support that. If anyone deserves to kill people it's this kid.

However, let us be realistic for a moment, because I quite like the other alternative. Villain arc Percy usually entails "he's finally had enough of the Gods bullshit & will do things his own way". Let us think on this. What would Percy most likely do in this situation? Would it really be murder right off the bat?

I think he'd be the pettiest, annoying little shit there is. And because one can't usually threaten the Gods in a way that truly matters, but they can make them sweat really hard.

This goes beyond ignoring their calls and leaving them on read. He refuses to give food offerings unless it's the nastiest shit known to man. Bribes the cyclops into hucking huge objects up Mount Olympus before they all scurry off. Finds the olive tree Athena gave to Athens, and while he wouldn't have the heart to destroy it, he'd for sure rip off a branch & mail it to her (Annabeth nearly had to put them in witness protection).

Eventually it gets to the point he has Nico on speed-dial and offers him a shit ton of fast food & a 'get out of Percy's quest bullshit free' pass if he could hop into the Underworld and yoink up some annoying spirits or dead monsters to piss off the Gods. When the Gods get pissed at him Percy just silently pulls out some safe-for-demigods phone like "hang on I wanna see how many happy meals I owe Nico for bringing Typhon back up". They know he is not bluffing.

Could the Gods counteract him? Yeah, sure, Hera gave him amnesia and it was like 90% effective for a while. However, he kind of went off the rails, everyone else went off the rails, and then they had even more Roman nonsense to deal with. If anything it both solved but also made even more problems. And a much angrier Percy. So, frankly, they're very confident it could work, but they're a little worried about what the aftermath would be.

Ares suggests just killing him. Poseidon takes offense to this. Artemis scoffs and says even Ares couldn't beat him. Everyone stops for a moment. The question is not asked verbally. But it is seen in the darting eyes and shifting seats.

Can they kill Percy Jackson?

Well, sure, they must be able to. He's a powerful kid, no doubt, with powerful allies, but they are Gods. Of course they can kill him. So that's not the real question, they wouldn't dare really entertain such a thing to ever confirm if it was true, but this is rather the layer of frosting hiding the real atrocity of a cake underneath it.

What will they lose trying to kill Percy Jackson?

What will remain standing in the face of some 18-year-old who lived one of the hardest knocks of life, loves so much it makes them sick, is so completely unaware of his own strength not even they know its full extent, and currently has absolutely zero fucks to give about the end of a reign longer than he will ever understand?

They decide to quietly shut the lid on that whole fiasco and let Percy do whatever he wants.

Unfortunately, they can't exactly ignore everyone else. And everyone else is who Percy cares about the most. So, think of it more like leaving a grenade in a locked box in the attic. Just hope and pray you've moved out before something gets curious and starts rummaging around up there.

[misto713]

imagine shen yuan transmigrated as the lord of the culinary peak. (when he can't even cook and died of food poisoning lol.)

luckily for him, the disciple selection is just around the corner, and before sqq (original goods) can claim little luo binghe for himself, shen yuan calmly ignores the bickering bai zhan war god and the scum villain and claims him first. and now sqq can't bully the sect leader to have another peak lord hand over a child they chose - that would be uncouth!

and so: may the cooking isekai begin!

sy admits he 'lost his memories', and while he rushes to educate himself on spiritual cooking techniques, binghe becomes his 'right hand man' who 'helps out' (meaning, he's the one that actually cooks while sy provides commentary and cultivation cooking manuals). little bunny binghe doesn't mind, in fact it feels great to be trusted and needed by his shizun!

binghe quickly becomes the darling baby of the peak and soon, the sect. and, in true cooking isekai fashion, every problem can be and is solved with food! binghe's heavenly (demonic) food!

binghe prepares excellent 'paradise silver-moon-lotus cakes' that mu qingfang judges would be a miraculous boost to ones cultivation - so he sends some into the lingxi caves, just in time to save liu qingge from a deadly qi deviation. cake's so good it snaps liu qingge right out of the deviation.

binghe's cooking smells so good that the invading demons pause in their invasion and destruction of the rainbow bridges to go raid the culinary peak instead. sy, in a moment of total badassery, send all the kitchen knives flying, handily defeating the demons (don't forget he's a golden core cultivator too!) binghe watches him with starry eyed wonder when sy manages to save him from 'elder poison armor'. sha hualing is left to face the war god basically alone and is lucky to escape with her life.

binghe's cooking is so good that just its memory is enough to seduce meng mo into staying and teaching binghe demonic cultivation.

and so on and so forth. years later, when binghe wins the world's cooking competition, the camera pans first to sy's proud smile as he claps until his hands hurt, and then to binghe, eyes secretly shining red with a glowing 'mark of sin' on his forehead. turns out it was bingge all along and he just wanted a 'round 2' of his revenge against sqq but then got stolen away by his sweet and adorable sy!shizun so he decided to abandon his vengeance and become a spiritual cook instead.

...

...

look i just seriously need some cooking isekais, ok?? why can't i find any cooking isekais?? this fandom is perfect for one! if there can be coffeeshop AUs, why not a proper cooking isekai?? T_T

[seeingivy]

family rules (alternate version)

satoru gojo x f!reader 

in which you’re the one who gets in the accident this time, not satoru and megumi 

**read the other ones here 

content warning: car accident, mentions of glass and blood, reader in pain satoru says daddy, megumi wants you to break satoru’s neck

an: for all my very lovely family rules fans, this is the part for the request I received here. I hope you all enjoy :D 

-

Satoru pushes his key into the door, swinging the door open as he calls out to the three of you. He’s balancing the pink box in his hands, very excited to see your very irritated face when you open it. 

He stops for a second, eyeing the light purple around Megumi’s eye as you push green peas into his face, before turning to the fridge to steal your leftovers from last night. 

He can feel you opening the box out of his peripheral vision, preparing his silly little consolation piece to calm you down. He knows you’ll be irritated, obviously, but he’s always sweet talked his way out of situations, especially with you. He just wanted to ease the air after the lecture you were probably going to give Megumi, settle everyone down. 

“Megs, do you mind joining Miki upstairs? I need to talk to Gojo over here.” you say, watching you press a very strained smile to your face. 

Maybe the cake was too far. He should have settled for balloons instead. 

“You have got to be kidding me, Satoru. You bought him a cake for punching another kid in the face?” 

“It’s just a joke, my love. No harm done. I’ll talk to him about it later. You know, all that cheesy stuff you say - words before violence, be the bigger man by walking away.” he leans over, pressing a kiss to your cheek, before he sets out to set the plates for dinner. 

“Satoru. Be serious for one minute. Megumi is our responsibility. You’re doing him a disservice if we keep letting him process his anger this way. Don’t lead him down the wrong path.” 

He can feel the stinging in his chest, the anger developing in his chest. He would be lying by saying things were perfect between the two of you, as of late. The two of you were polar opposites, something he always considered as a strength to your relationship. When he was drifting away too far, you grounded him in reality. When you were too stuck in the little things, he always reminded you of the big picture. You worked - moon and sun, salt and pepper, black and white. However, the two of you had been finding it harder to find compromises lately, arguing more lately, especially when it came to Megumi. 

It’s a few fights, not mass murdering people. If anything, Megumi’s doing very well, considering who his father is and what happened. He’s doing very well, considering the fact that he’s being raised by two twenty year olds. Satoru’s doing very well, considering the fact that he’s trying his best to be there for him. 

“I’m not leading him anywhere wrong. You’re setting him up for failure if you keep letting kids push him around like that. You’re the one leading him down the wrong path.” 

“Solving your problems with fists isn’t always the right answer, Satoru. This is why he doesn’t talk to us when we ask him what’s wrong. We just have to wait for him to explode, just to find out he was suffering the entire time.” 

He feels your words sink into his chest, burning him in a place he hadn’t been before. No. Surely you couldn’t be insinuating what he thought you were. You wouldn’t. 

He thinks back to the third grade, his parents' faces engraved in his mind. He learned all too quickly that punching another kid in the face, pulling a girl's pigtails, running out of class would get their attention - faster than asking them to tuck him into bed, eat breakfast with him, or come to a school play. They would drop everything, run to his side to see him at the first sign of trouble. There’s no way you’re insinuating Megumi is doing the same. 

It kills him. Even the thought of it being right. Megumi’s mimicking him, when he was younger, acting out to get someone to look at him. The two of you tried your best with him, he was always a little more closed off, but you were doing everything you could. 

No. No. Satoru Gojo was not his father. You had to be wrong. You had to be wrong because if you were right, he was no better than his father. 

“Whatever problem he has, I’ll deal with it. Remember, he’s my kid, not yours. My responsibility. So I’ll figure out what’s best for him moving forward.” 

He comes to realize that this was his first mistake, one he’ll come to regret in a few hours. 

He can feel the words hanging in the air, waiting for your anger filled response. But it doesn’t come. You compare him to his father and then have nothing to say?

“All quiet now, Y/N? Have nothing to say to me?” 

“No, I don’t.” 

“And why’s that? You sure had a lot to say a few minutes ago.” 

“Because. He’s your kid. Not mine. It’s not really my business what he does, is it?” 

He feels his heart sink in his chest, his cheeks burning with regret already. Why did he say that? You didn’t mean it like that. There’s no way you would ever compare him to his dad, in earnest. He curls his fingers around your wrist, pulling you closer to him. Kiss it better, Satoru.

“Hey, hey. Wait a minute.” 

You shrug him off, swiping the keys off the counter and running out the door. This is his second mistake - letting you run out that door - and surely the one he’ll regret even more. 

He stands there in shock, your absence chilling him. What the hell is he doing? The table is half set, your sweet strawberry smell absent, your glimmering smile gone from the kitchen. 

You left. You actually got up and left. It’s his fault. He hit it where he knew where it hurt. He can feel his heart sinking in his chest, the stinging vertebrates through his bones. Why did he say that to you? He loves you. He reaches around for his phone after a few seconds, his fingers shaking as he texts you. 

i’m sorry love

you know i didn’t mean it

just come back. you know he’s our kid. 

i know you’re right. he shouldn’t be punching people every time he disagrees with them. i just have trouble being too hard on him, i don’t want to be like my parents

not an excuse. i know i’m in the wrong. we can have the talk with him, just like you wanted. just come back y/n. 

Satoru nearly drops his phone into the sink, at the sight of Megumi pushing into his legs. He presses his arms around Satoru’s legs, hiding his face against in the fabric. 

“Hey Megs. You okay?” 

“Did Y/N leave?” 

He leans down, intending to talk Megumi down. You were always better at it, but there’s no harm in trying. 

He looks over, really observing the bruise on Megumi’s eye for the first time. His eye is swollen, coloring into a dark purple. There’s a tiny bit of pink in the whites of his eyes and he doesn’t miss Megumi keeping his eyes closed, squinting whenever he makes contact with the light. 

He reaches down, pressing the green peas you were pushing into Megumi’s face, back to the spot. He didn’t realize Megumi was hurt this bad. 

“Yeah. We just had a little argument. She’ll come back.” 

He feels Megumi clench his fist, his hand crumpling the fabric of his slacks. 

“Do you think she hates me?” 

“Megumi. Y/N loves you. She’s mad at me for being stupid, not at you for fighting.” 

He feels another set of tiny hands, this time resting on his arms. Tsumiki’s tear filled face is at his side. He’s messed up. 

It’s in this moment, Megumi’s stressed out expression and Tsumiki’s tear stained face, that he realizes how small they really are. He’d been teaching Megumi how to master his cursed technique and he was always impressed with how self-sufficient Tsumiki was, but he never realized how wrong it was until now. 

They were kids. They’re small, tiny little kids acting like adults. He leans down, pressing the two of them against his chest. He won’t let them burden it - that’s what you and him were for. You, when you were still here anyways. 

He reaches for his phone again, shooting you another text. 

kids are getting real upset with you gone, they miss you already 

“Satoru.” 

“Yes, Miss Miki?” 

“Why did she leave?” 

He sighs. Because he’s an idiot. Because he can’t control his tongue, because he can’t accept his faults, because he’s in over his head. 

“We had an argument. I got upset with her and said something that wasn’t very nice to her.” 

“Does she still love us?” 

“You’re her entire world. She loves you both, so much. That’s partially why she’s so mad at you Megumi. She doesn’t like to see you hurt and gets upset when you willingly put yourself in situations like this.”

He feels his phone buzzing on the floor, basically collapsing trying to pick it up fast enough. He presses the phone to his ear, without even checking the caller ID. 

“Y/N?” 

“Am I speaking with Mister Satoru Gojo?” 

“Yes, this is him.” 

“This is Tokyo Medical Hospital. I’m calling regarding a Miss Y/N L/N. She was in a car accident around thirty minutes ago, near the central line highway. She’s just been transported to our Emergency Department where we are responding to her now. It would be best if you could arrive as soon as possible. Do you know her blood type? We need to attempt a transfusion.” 

He feels his voice strain in his neck, fighting to get the word out. Blood type. They need your blood type. You were in a car accident. Blood transfusion.

“O negative. Her blood type is O negative.” 

 - 

Shoko and Nanami meets him at the front of the hospital and he nearly breaks down right there. He was a mess without you. You had to be okay. You had to stay alive. 

“I’ll watch the kids.” 

Nanami walks off, his hands holding their tiny ones as he takes them on a walk around the block. 

“Am I going to lose her, Shoko? Is she okay?” 

“She’s really hurt, the glass shattered on impact. Just go through the doors, Satoru. She was asking for you.” 

Glass. He nearly runs through the double doors and is met directly with the sight of you. 

The air is gone from his lungs and the room is on fire. No. You’re lying on the gurney, the two nurses balancing shining, silver surgical tools in their hands. They’re digging shards of glass out of your soft, soft skin - from your arms, your chest, and the sides of your face. 

He can see the tears streaming down your face, your eyes pinching in pain every time they pull a piece out. The worst part, he can hear you murmuring his name and asking for him every time they do. He walks up aimlessly, interlocking his hand with your free, uninjured side. He can feel his hands shaking in yours, his blood burning in his skin. 

“Satoru?” 

He reaches forward, patting down your hair. 

“I’m here, i’m here.” 

“It hurts, Satoru.”

He feels his resolve break at the sound of your voice. He’s crying, full on crying at the sight of you like this. In pain, sitting alone for the past hour. He lifts your uninjured hand, pressing a kiss to the top of your knuckles before resting your fingers against his eyes. 

“It’s best if you can distract her while we do this. The silence makes it easier to focus on the pain.” 

He nods, turning his face away from the nurse and towards you. 

“Hi love.” 

“Hi Satoru.” 

“Don’t…don’t die on me, okay? I still have a lot of things I want to do with you.” 

“Like what? 

You hiss in pain, squeezing his hand as they keep going deeper into your skin. 

“Eat breakfast with you tomorrow. Make you those strawberry pancakes you love so much. Watch you yell as me as I squish whipped cream into Megumi’s hair.” 

He watches you laugh, the pain still pressed on your face as you try to respond. 

“Don’t respond. It’s okay, love. Just listen to me, yeah?” 

You nod, squeezing your hand in his own. 

“I…I love you.” he can feel his voice breaking, trying to stop his tears from returning. He clears his throat, his heart screaming in his chest. 

“I love you so much, Y/N. You’re everything to me. You and me, we’re going to be okay. I- I…there’s just so much we have to do still. I didn’t even get to marry you yet. Or put my own kid in you.” 

“Gross.” 

“Out of all that, that’s what you chose to respond to?” 

He sees you smile, your eyes all watery at the sight of him. He loves you. He loves you, he loves you, he loves you. 

- 

You wake up a few hours later, to a very pink eyed Satoru sitting on the chair next to you. He looks horrible.

You make the slightest bit of movement, attempting to reach out for him, and he jumps up from his chair. He presses his hands to your face, shaking his head profusely at you as you put your hands down. 

“No, no love. No moving, okay?” 

You nod and he gives you a soft smile, before locking his fingers with your own. You can see the tears building in his eyes, his smile being replaced with tears streaming down his eyes. 

“Can you put on a little nurses uniform? We’re about to live out my wildest dreams.” 

He laughs at your joke, his teary smile returning. 

“Shut up. Stop copying my fantasies.” 

His hands don’t leave your face, his entire body shaking at the sight of you. He’s scared, scared shitless and you don’t know how to fix it. You’re okay. You’re both going to be okay. You try to sit up, Satoru’s hands helping you most of the way. He has his arm secured around your waist, holding you steady. 

“Satoru. I’m okay.” 

“You’re not allowed to do that. You can’t just pick up and leave every time you get mad at me. I thought I lost you. I almost did lose you. Do you think I could live if I actually did?”  

“I know, Toru. I’m sorry.” 

He presses himself against your shoulder, crying into your arms. He’s ran his hands over your arms multiple time’s now, his fingers resting against your beating pulse at your wrist. You can feel the guilt twisting in your chest, for leaving, driving so recklessly, upsetting him in the first place. Any normal person would get up and run right about now. 

“You are the only family I have. Please don’t leave me, Satoru.” 

You feel your heart clench in your chest at the sight of his defeated resolve and can’t even remember why you were mad, why you drove off in the first place. You squeeze his hand twice, rubbing small circles into the back of his hand. 

“You’re the one who left me. I would never leave you. It’s you and me, in life and in death, Y/N. Preferably not the death part from you, if that’s possible please. That’s against the rules.” 

“In life and in death? Those are wedding vows, Satoru, we aren’t even married. And we don’t have rules.” you deadpan.

“You didn’t get the memo? We’re married in my head, sweet thing.” 

The two of you laugh, the giggles filling up the little medic bay you were sitting in. You feel him lean over, his face still wet and pink from his tears, and press a soft kiss to your forehead before pressing one to your lips. 

“Did you eat chocolate from the vending machine?” 

“No.” 

“Don’t lie. I can taste it on your lips, idiot. Your supposed wife is maybe possibly dying and you’re eating candy?” 

“You’re so vulgar. Talking about my lips like that in public. And I was eating for both of us. In your honor. I knew it’s what you would have wanted.” 

You roll your eyes at him, giving him a smile, before leaning your head against his shoulder. 

“Where are Megumi and Tsumiki?” 

“With Nanami, outside. I’ll go grab them now that you’re all bandaged up.” 

As he sprints out the door, you readjust in the bed, sitting up. You watch the two of them run in, their little faces swollen from crying. You feel the tears well in your own eyes at the sight of it. You open up your arms (which hurts like a bitch), signaling at the two of them to climb up. They press their bodies against you, their distinct smells pressed against your nose (vanilla for Tsumiki, clean laundry for Megumi). 

You can feel them sobbing against you and press kisses to both of their heads as they shake in your arms. You can feel your skin burning at them pressing against your bandages, but you don’t want to let them go.

“Okay, kids. Off. We can hug her as hard as we want when she feels better, okay?” 

Satoru Gojo, mind reader. They climb off, the three of them facing you at the side of your bed. They all have their hands pressed against you - Satoru’s resting in your hair, Tsumiki’s in your hand, and Megumi’s at your shoulder. Satoru speaks first. 

“I was thinking.” 

“You can do that?” 

“You wound me, Fushiguro Megumi.” 

The three of you snicker at the sound of his whiny voice, the smiles reaching all the way to Tsumiki and Megumi’s cheeks. 

“I’ve always had mental rules you should be following in my head, as I am our benevolent, perfect, spectacular leader. But we should establish real ones, for each other. We are a family after all.” 

“You’re not our leader.” deadpans Megumi, rolling his eyes at Satoru before eyeing you exasperatedly. 

“I like it, Satoru.” you whisper. 

“Me first, then. My first rule is for Miss Miki. You have to do anything and everything I say.” 

The three of you stare him down, pinching your eyes in annoyance. 

“I’m kidding. You guys are such a tough crowd. My first real rule is for Megumi. You’re not going to fight anymore. No punching people when you get angry.” 

He nods, whispering a promise to you, more than Satoru, that he won’t fight again. You squeeze his fingers that are interlocked with yours, nodding at the promise. 

“The next one is for you, missy. No running away, Y/N. Ever. We can argue all night for all I care. You don’t get to leave.”

You nod, promising all of them that you won’t leave them again. You don’t miss the way their tensed shoulders relax at your promise, shocked that they were even worried about you leaving again in the first place. You would never leave them again. Tsumikis’ quiet voice fills the room next. 

“Third rule, no fighting if we can avoid it. We’re all on the same team here so we can just try to work it out.” 

You reach forward, pressing your hand into Tsumiki’s hair, you and Satoru promising her you won’t fight, at least if you can’t help it, again. The three of you nod, smiling at each other at your new rules. 

“I have one.” 

You reach over, running your hands through Megumi’s hair as you smile at him, encouraging to speak up. 

“No one leaves the house without saying goodbye. You especially, Mom.” 

Mom. Mom. Fushiguro Megumi, in the six months he has been staying with you, has never called you Mom. You can feel the tears welling in your eyes, wanting to crush him in a hug for a better part of the next hour or the rest of his life. You’re his Mom. 

Before you can reach forward to do so, Satoru’s whiny voice stops you. 

“You’ve got to be kidding me. That’s not even fair.” 

“Toru, shut up.” 

“Megs. If I break my neck, will you call me dad?” 

You roll your eyes. Way to ruin a moment. 

“How about I break it right now and we test the theory?” 

Megumi and Tsumiki break out into giggles and you and Satoru can’t help but join them at the sound of their laughter. The three of them press themselves against you, wrapping your arms around as you all laugh. 

“Hey, one more rule, okay?”

You all nod, turning to face Satoru. 

“Everyone calls me daddy from now on.” 

“Can you actually break his neck now? Please? I can help.” 

[danikamariewrites]

can i please request a modern au with rhysand x reader where rhysand is sitting in very important meeting and his daughter calls him on readers phone to tell her about her day and what she learned in school today. He answers and doesn’t give a shit that this is a meeting. he just smiles and talks to his daughter. The others in the meeting wait impatiently for him to finish snd someone says

” this is absolutely ridiculous it’s unproffesional, disrespectful and rude to to this in the middle of a crisis meeting “

and he says coldly:

“If my daughter calls me, I’m going to answer. I don’t care if the mother herself sat here. And you’re crazy if you think I’m not going to speak to my wife as well.”

and he keeps talking to reader and their daughter,

” give me one minute sweetie, daddy is coming home very soon. i’ll pick you and mommy up some ice cream from the place you like. yeah okay sweetheart hand the phone over to mommy. Yeah, i’ll be there in 10 minutes my love see you soon. ”

” this meeting is completely unnecessary, i’ll go out and fix this situation in 2 seconds and then i’m going home. ” he says unamused and walks out.

Pointless Meetings

Modern!Rhysand x reader

A/n: I love modern!Rhys who is obsessed with his family 😋

Warnings: fluff and not proof read sorry lol

Rhys was perpetually bored. Two of his board members called an emergency meeting over nothing, Rhys could solve the problem if they simply let him speak. He is CEO and the fact that he can’t get a word in is ridiculous.

As the others argued he simply spun in his chair staring out the window of the high rise. He stared in the direction of home. Where you and your little girl, Isla, are waiting at home for him. Rhys could’ve left thirty minutes ago if it wasn’t for this meeting.

His phone buzzed in the breast pocket of his suit jacket. Looking at the screen a text from you pops up, Isla wants to call if you’re not busy 😊.

Rhys smiled at the message as he replied. He would always make time for the two of you no matter what. Seconds later your contact photos graced his screen. He loved looking at the sweet photo of you and Isla smiling, frosting from her birthday cake all over her cheeks and little nose.

Sliding to answer he heard Isla’s little voice as she spoke to you. “Did he answer yet mommy?” “Yup, here sweetie.” She screamed in excitement. Isla hadn’t spoken to him all day and she was desperate for daddy’s attention.

“Hi little bean.” “Hi daddy!” Rhys heard the room fall silent. He stood walking over to the window facing away from the board members. “I miss you, when will you be home? You promised we would watch Monsters Inc.”

A breathy giggle leaves his lips. “Of course we’re gunna watch Monsters Inc. bean, I-“ “Excuse me Rhysand! Taking a personal call during an emergency meeting is highly inappropriate. You are the CEO! Set an example.”

Anger took over Rhys’s features as he looks back at the full meeting table. “This is barley an emergency. And if my daughter wants to speak to me I’m going to answer the phone. I don’t care what’s happening I will always speak to my family.”

He turns back to look out the window, holding the phone back up to his ear. “Sorry daddy, did I get you in trouble?” Rhys could hear the wobble in her voice like she was about to cry. “No bean, not at all. Remember daddy’s the boss so I can do whatever I want.”

Isla’s sweet giggle sounded again causing his smile to widen and heart to warm. “Can you put me on speaker so I can talk to mommy too?” “Ok say hi.” “Hi y/n/n.”

“Hi baby.” Your voice calmed him immediately. Making him miss you even more, wanting you and Isla in his arms. “I’m leaving in a minute and I’m going to pick up your favorite ice cream, any other requests?” After the short list you said goodbye to each other.

Rhys angrily shoved his phone back into his pocket and stormed back over to the table. “So you’re just going to leave without-“

Rhys grabbed the pen from the man’s hand and started scribbling notes on the paper in front of him. “There. There’s your answer. See how easy that was. And stop fucking calling emergency board meetings at the end of the day, this is the seventh one this month and it’s very disturbing you can’t do your job.”

Throwing the pen down on the table he aggressively opened the glass door and sped walked to the elevators. His dress shoes causing an echo to sound in the empty hallway. He slammed the buttons, willing the elevator to arrive so he can get home to the two of you.

[iamyoursonly]

Problem Solving? (28/07/2024)

your girl is back. literally cooked this up because i felt like it. I AM NOT CRYING IN MY ROOM DON’T WORRY. anyways enjoyyyyyy. (can you guys tell I’m still in my bakugo phase)

1k words — unedited (might have a pt two)

In times of desperation and despair, I often resort to crying my eyes out instead of trying to solve the problem at hand. As of right now, my tears have been rolling down my cheeks uncontrollably, sobs and sniffles apparent.

I always question myself if I have ever known what I was living for. But until this day, I still do not have the answer. Was it for the pleasure of surprise in life? Or the sense of fulfilment when I succeed one day? I have absolutely no idea. I hate how I look, how I sound, how I don’t fit into beauty standards… How am I supposed to love someone if I’m unable to even love myself?

Sharp pain penetrates through my chest as my emotions flood and then overflows, making me overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. I clench my teeth to stop myself from screaming out loud and yet the inner voice inside me is telling me to let it go.

A knock, and another. Then the voice speaks, “Open up, lil shit.”

I could recognise that voice anywhere. That rough tone but has a nice touch of kindness inside when they speak to others, a bit loud yet still soft. Bakugo Katsuki.

I snapped out from the thoughts and the emotions. Using my sleeve to rub away my tears, then proceeding to check if I looked presentable in the mirror. To be absolutely honest, I do not look presentable. Eyes red and puffy, face swollen and body bloated from the immense amount of food I’ve consumed. But I’m wearing a hoodie. So I guess it’s fine…

Opening the door, I immediately lock eyes with him. His crimson ones meeting mine, as if they were taking in the image of me and asking me if I were okay. His eyes spoke of concern and care.

As people always say, ‘actions speak louder than words’. Katsuki reached out to me and gave me a big hug, which he never does because he’s not keen on physical touch. And the second our bodies made contact, the tears threatened to pour out again.

“What’s wrong? Tell me about it.” He says, his tone calmer than usual.

I wasn’t sure how I’d respond. The emotions were flooding inside my head, and all I was doing was telling myself not to cry. Reluctantly, I said, “Everything.”

He just kept quiet. His company was soothing, I have to admit. And thanks to him, my inner person took over and the tears fell once again. The obvious whimpering was deafening, I cried like there was no tomorrow. All the emotions I’ve been suppressing since he came in went rushing out, hitting me like a truck.

Katsuki, being the man he is, he soothed my back, once, twice, thrice…

My breathing slowed before I started choking on my breath. I held onto his hug tight, still not willing to let go of him yet I never wanted him to be the one who sees me in this state.

The inner voice inside of me cries, “Everything’s wrong. I hate my voice, I hate my face, I hate my body, I hate what I have done, I hate the way I think, I hate how everything just goes wrong when I do it, I hate that nothing goes right, I hate how I write, I hate how I’m incapable of being better, I hate myself.”

A long moment of silence arrives as I take in whatever I have thrown out of my mouth just now. The realisation was harsh when I knew it wasn’t the rational choice as I might lose him. I can’t lose him.

Katsuki looked at me, “Don’t say that. I love your eyes, the way you look at me, the way you’re nice to a lot of people, how you’re always smiling, hardworking and loving towards others. You’re so beautiful also, the way your lips curl up is unique. And the way your eyes light up when you eat your favourite cake. I love everything about you. I love you.”

He locks eyes with me before caressing my face with his left hand, “Even your flaws are beautiful, they are a part of you. If you don’t learn how to love yourself, how can you possibly love another?”

I was speechless, I did not know how to react to all that information he just thrown at me. The compliments and the hidden love confession that I noticed. A blush creeps up onto my face as I bury my face into his shoulder, “You love me?”

Feeling him smile and his voice comes right after it, “Yes I do. I know it might be unexpected but trust me, I really do.“

“Since when? And why? There are so many better choices than me…”

“Since I first laid eyes on you, because you caught my eye. You’re strong during that entrance exam and I was kinda, surprised. And I’m sorry I was harsh to you in the beginning, I swear I was an immature bitch that didn’t think before he spoke.”

“Katsuki…”

He used his index finger to shush me, “If I love you properly would you promise to love yourself and learn to love me too?”

His feelings may not be reciprocated in this moment but that tingle in my heart feels the genuine care and sincere love in his tone. “I promise.”

“So would you let me, Bakugo Katsuki become your one and only love, your boyfriend?”

“Yes!”

He holds my hand as we walk down to the cafeteria for lunch, all eyes on us. His grip on my hand tightens as he glares at all of them before finally yelling at them, “What are you extras looking at? Is my girlfriend too pretty for you to handle?” A pause and a moment of silence proceeds. ”Good. Just so you know, she is mine. Back off losers.”

I chuckled and kissed his cheek before sitting down at our usual table, “I love you.”

He smiled and squeezed my hand, “I love you too, darling.”

[calaisreno]

Cake

1146 words / Prompt: Laugh

Have some cake. It's my birthday.

Sherlock picks up his fork and examines the slice of cake before him. It’s yellow, with thick white icing and colourful sprinkles. 

John and Molly have already tasted their pieces and are talking about something. John makes a teasing remark about hearing aids. Apparently Sherlock has missed the question.

“Hm?”

John smiles at him. It’s a fond smile, but a sad one. Sherlock tries to remember the last time John looked happy. It’s been ages, he thinks. Even the smile on his face now isn’t truly happy. 

His wedding, maybe. He did smile a lot that day, but there was something ragged underneath. A kind of exhausted cheer. The days leading up the event were hectic, but it was worth it to give John and Mary a joyous day. Maybe it was relief Sherlock saw in those wedding smiles. Glad to have the big day go well, ready to wake up to a new life. 

The day Rosie was born, John’s smile was incredulous, full of wonder. But Sherlock could see he was terrified, too. It was the day it all became real, irrevocable. There was no going back for him and Mary. Nor for Sherlock. John was a father, and had responsibilities.

Unmingled joy. That’s what Sherlock is trying to remember. 

That was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done.

And you invaded Afghanistan.

It was the first time he heard John helpless with laughter. They’d stood inside the front door, leaning against the wall, giggling at the ridiculousness of what they’d just done, running through alleys and across rooftops. Welcome to London.

It was the moment when he first realised he wanted to kiss John. He wanted to hear that giggle of surrender again. To laugh every day with John and keep him forever.

It might have lasted, if Sherlock hadn’t created a problem that could only be solved by dying, leaving John alone for two years. 

He’d dreamed of coming home, hearing John laugh at his brilliant resurrection. He’d been so intent on that, he hadn’t realised. It may have been necessary to go away, but his return wasn’t as brilliant as he’d dreamed.

Well, then. Neither of them has been happy.

“You haven’t even tasted it,” John is saying. 

“Oh.” He lifts a bite to his mouth, smells vanilla, feels the icing melt on his tongue. “Delicious.” It is, and he takes another bite, even though he’s not hungry. 

John is smiling at him. 

He can’t stop thinking about John’s tears, just a half an hour ago in the flat. 

I’m not the man you thought I was. 

It’s not okay.

Well, it is what it is. John hasn’t been happy for a long time, he thinks. 

Though they never spoke of it, he knows John had mixed feelings about the marriage. A part of him loved Mary, but even though he forgave her, he never forgot:  what have I ever done… my whole life… to deserve you?

Mary wasn’t supposed to be like that. But she was. 

Sherlock wasn’t supposed to come back, but he did. 

John was supposed to be happy. He wasn’t.

Sometimes he thinks John might have been happy if Sherlock had stayed dead. He would have got over his best friend dying in front of him. He would have married and lived in the suburbs with his wife and child. His wife wouldn’t have shot Sherlock, and she wouldn’t have died, trying to protect him. He wouldn’t be raising his child alone. 

He eats his cake silently, pressing his fork into the last crumbs. 

“You’ve been quiet,” John says as they walk back to 221B. 

“Hm.” 

“About earlier… I’m sorry.” He huffs a small laugh. “Mood killer, for sure.”

He stops walking. “John.”

John is two paces ahead by the time Sherlock says his name. He turns and looks at Sherlock, puzzled. “What is it?”

“Are you happy?”

“Am I happy?” He gives a short, bitter laugh. “What does happiness have to do with anything? Are you happy?”

“Well, no one can be happy all the time. But I consider myself an optimistic person. I expect I will be happy again.”

“Are you…” John licks his lips. “Will you contact her?”

“No. She knows what I am, and doesn’t expect it.”

“Sherlock, I know I was pushing when I said you should… I mean, it’s okay if you don’t want that. I just wish you weren’t so alone.”

“Not so alone. I have you.” 

Sherlock resumes walking; John falls into step with him.

“Yeah, a great friend I’ve been.”

“You’re not perfect, John. Neither am I. You shouldn’t hold yourself to an impossibly high standard. Happiness is more important. Do you know,” he says, turning to look at John, “some of my happiest moments have been spent with you.”

John sighs. “We’ve had some good times. I’ll never forget the months we lived together. You saved me. I was so lost, so alone…” Glancing at Sherlock, he smiles wistfully. “Do you remember that night, when we were chasing the cab, and I forgot my cane at the restaurant?” He giggles. “Oh, God. Down alleys, across the rooftops. Welcome to London. That was the most ridiculous thing I’d ever done.”

Sherlock smiles. “Wanna see some more?”

“What are you saying?” John halts. 

Sherlock turns and faces him. “Come back. Move in with me, you and Rosie.”

John is gazing at him, his eyes soft. “Do you know what I wished for that night?”

“What did you wish, John?”

He looks down at his feet. “I wished… that I could spend the rest of my days running after you, trying to keep up. Giggling at crime scenes, running all over London, coming home and sitting in the evenings…” He sighs. “It can’t be like it was before. I have a child.”

“Another adventure I look forward to. We’ll hire a nanny, solve all the boring cases, and you’ll write them up for the blog. We’ll be together.” He puts his hands on John’s shoulders. “Come back to me.”

John shakes his head gravely. “You don’t know what you’re asking. Rosie’s a baby, and soon she’ll be toddling around, getting into everything.”

“That’s what babies do. They grow into children, and eventually leave home. And you’ll miss her then. I want to see her grow up, too. I want to be there when you send her off to uni. I want to help plan her wedding, hold your first grandchild. I want to retire to a cottage in Sussex with you and keep bees.”

“Bees?”

“Yes, John. Do keep up. If you don’t like bees, you ought to have plenty of cases to write up by then.”

John brushes tears from his eyes. “What are you saying?”

In answer, he puts his arms around John. “You said love would complete me as a human being. I’m saying, it already has.”

[mudisgranapat]

Civilian!Reader X ToxicBF!Simon (Part 2)

Word Count: 2,9 K

Content: Toxic and manipulative behaviour, mention of blood, swearing.

Part 1

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.

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When Johnny invited you to the bar that day, you were reluctant to go. Even though you could use the night off, the mere thought of seeing him paralyzed you in fear. Two weeks ago, Simon came to your flat to keep you company. The two of you had ordered takeout and eaten it while you talked about your life. Simon was always so attentive, his eyes looking at you with pure worry and care, and it made your insides twist every time you felt yourself under his gaze. 

Your whole life you had wished, dreamed, ached for someone to look at you the way Simon did. But at the same time, it felt like a paradox. Simon saw you, but he didn’t see you. You knew he didn’t feel the same way about you because Simon Riley never needed anyone. Not only did the two of you have nothing in common in terms of lifestyle, you also had completely different expectations for a romantic life. 

You wanted someone to live a movie romance with, someone who would crave you just as much as you did them. A man who was rough around the edges but melted when it came to you, fighting off the whole world while holding you tight to his chest. And every time you looked at Simon, it was a sour reminder that you had all you ever wanted within arms reach, but were never able to grab it.

He was from a different world, where people were tough, solved problems with their fists, and faced their fears with all their might. Someone as strong as Simon would never go for someone as fragile as you. What could I ever give him? The question would pound in your head when you felt lonely, a reminder that you had nothing to offer but timid confessions and a feeble mind. But even knowing that, you still came back to him, because he was the silver lining on your cloudy days. 

So you tortured yourself, over and over again, spilling your guts out to him over tea, movies, and walks in the park, entertaining the idea that he needed those moments as much as you did, only to come back to the darkness of your flat and coldness of your bed. Alone.

You found yourself whining about your problems again, that fateful day, two weeks ago. It wasn’t uncommon for Simon to go to your house to comfort you, and instead of dismissing the pity party, you would bake the cake and provide the entertainment. Sometimes, Simon would get a phone call or a text, but he never stopped your rambling to pick it up, opting to quickly look at the name on the screen before putting his phone on silent.

Until that day. 

You had been talking about your coworker, who you were sure was stealing your pens, when he said “Hold on, I have to take this”. Amidst your shock and neglect, you managed to capture a name on the screen of his phone. Sarah. You could feel the knot forming on your throat, while simultaneously feeling like you were about to throw up all the food you had just eaten. Fucking Sarah? Who the fuck is she? A party wrecker, at least. Setting in flames the walls of the scenario you had built. This wasn’t a date, it was a favor a good soldier did for the helpless girl he met. You were hopelessly attached to him like a leech on a vein, feeding from another being’s nurture, just to be pulled without courtesy from your shelter and chucked to the side to rot under the scolding sun.  

The longer he spent on his phone, the more visible the tethers that united the two of you became, and with each laugh he let out, the weaker they became, falling on the floor like loose and meaningless strings. That day you realized you needed to stop this parasitic relationship before it got worse. The two of you were just friends after all, yet there you were, wanting to rip your hair out every time you heard the other woman’s voice coming through the speakers on his phone. 

Your luck hadn’t been good lately, in fact, it had become increasingly worse since you started ignoring Simon, two weeks ago. You couldn’t deny that talking to him was like having someone take all the weight off your shoulders, but it was time to be a big girl and move on. You needed to learn how to live without him and deal with your own problems, instead of dumping them on someone else. Besides, alcohol was always a good friend when times were bad, and you knew you could never say no to going out with Johnny, especially because he always paid for your drinks. 

So you put your best clothes on, styled your hair, and did your makeup. That way, even if you saw Simon, you wouldn’t look like a complete loser, even though you had been soaking alone in your own misery all this time. Your problems were piling up throughout the day, resting above your bed during the night and avalanching you in the morning, now that you didn’t have Simon to magically make them go away. So, if you were to start dealing with your problems by yourself, facing him should be on priority on that list. It took all your strength not to cower and go back under the comfort of your covers, but you put your high heels on and made your way to the bar.

You took a breath to calm yourself down before opening the doors of the bar, not giving yourself time to change your mind and… Oh, how you regretted your decision the moment you walked in and saw Simon sitting at the table, a glass of whisky on one hand and a woman’s waist on the other. But it was too late to turn around because a certain Scot had already seen you. 

“Aye, lass! Over here!” He said, bearing a smile so wide you could see all his teeth. “I told ya she would come.” He turns to Simon for the last sentence.

Simon takes a sip of his glass, hiding the small smile that escaped his lips, visible due to the small folds he had made on his mask in order to place it on top of his nose. But he knew you would come. He had dealt his cards carefully so that he could safely bet on your return to him. He wraps his arms tighter around the other woman’s waist as you approach their table. “This is Sarah”, he introduces her to you. “She’s a Sergeant.”

You want to barf at the sound of pride in his voice. It doesn’t help that the woman in front of you is gorgeous, exactly the type you knew Simon would go for. You can see her defined muscles under her shirt, and her impeccable posture. She has a tall pint of Guinness on the table in front of her, and a small scar on her left eyebrow that somehow makes her more attractive. The tone of her voice is confident as she introduces herself to you, making an effortless conversation the whole night. Not only that, but she makes Simon laugh. You feel yourself wanting to jump across the table and grab her by the neck, even though she would probably knock you out before you even made it to her side. 

Simon watches you with silent joy, noticing the venom that seeps from your mouth with every smile you make toward Sarah. He can sense the longing in your voice when you talk to him, desperate for his attention, and it’s like music to his ears hearing you after so long. He knew it would be a hard couple of days, or however long you could handle without talking to him before falling back into his arms. It was a risky game that he had played with excellence - leading you to believe you were in control of the situation, choosing to distance yourself from him. It was all calculated, letting you see Sarah’s name on his phone, telling Sarah you would be free to call at that time when he knew he would be with you. It had hurt him to see your suffering, but he needed you to walk away to realize how much you would miss him, and he could see that it had worked. Every crumb of attention he gave to you now was like watching a drug addict relapse into their first high.

The jealousy that seeped from your pores was the best part, he thought. It was a result of pure, unaltered desire, condensing into spikes on your skin that you mentally flicked into Sarah’s direction. Watching his innocent girl fight the urge inside her to go ballistic was a delight. Because you were his girl, even though you didn’t know it yet. He sat comfortably in his chair like he was in a movie theater, spectating from the front row all the conflicting emotions that you screened on your face. 

“I’m going out for a smoke.” He said after some time, grabbing a pack of cigarettes from the pocket of his jacket. He didn’t have to look back to know you were following him, probably after delivering some bullshit excuse to the table. He welcomed the fresh air outside the bar and walked to a corner, your footsteps following behind him. He lit his first cigarette as you approached him. “Smoking now?” The humor is clear in his voice, but you don’t fall for it.

“Started last week. Not that you would know.” You say a blatant lie, holding out your open palm for him to give you a cigarette. 

“I don’t know what this fuss is all about.” His tone is dismissive, knowing where the conversation was heading so he acted like you were making a situation out of nothing. “You’re the one that started ignoring me for no reason.” He gives you a cigarette and you take it to your mouth, both of you fully aware you don’t smoke. But you’re not backing out of any challenges tonight, so when he lights it, you take a long drag of smoke, holding it in your lungs for a few seconds before letting it out. 

“How long have the two of you been dating?” He laughs at your question, shaking his head while he takes a drag of his cigarette. “How long?” You insist. 

“You really think that I would date her?”

“That’s exactly the type I think you would date.” 

“Really? How so?” He’s in front of you now, centering you between him and the wall. He smiles sarcastically while he turns to blow the smoke away from your face, acting like this is all some joke.

“Beautiful, strong, same job as you…” You trail off, fidgeting with the cigarette on the tip of your fingers. “The list goes on.”

“Does it? It seems like a pretty short list to me.” He shrugs, and you can’t help but notice how his muscles flex under his shirt. “How have you been?”

You scoff at the sudden change of topic. “Like you care, Simon.” Deciding you’re done with the conversation, you drop your barely smoked cigarette to the ground, using your foot to put it out, a motion you’ve watched Simon repeat a thousand times. Whenever he smoked, he always made sure you were okay with it first - and if it were anyone else, you wouldn’t be, as you loathed the smell of nicotine. But with him, it was different, everything was. You would watch as his arms flexed, the details of his tattoo poking out from his sleeve as he put the cigarette in his mouth. Hypnotized by his lips, you would try to be discreet, observing the smoke dissipate in the air when he exhaled, dreaming of what his mouth would taste like if you were to kiss him at that moment. 

Before you can leave, he puts his hand on the wall at the same height as your head, caging you with his body. You hold your breath, wide-eyed, looking up at him in surprise, as he disposes of the cigarette with his other hand.

“Of course I care.” Simon loved catching you by surprise, relishing the look in your eyes as you waited for his next move, completely frozen. He adored how you surrendered all control to him without ever noticing it, inert until his gestures gave you permission to move. It was almost like a dance, as you helplessly waited for him to guide you into the next step.

He tucked a strand of hair behind your ear with his free hand, taking time to observe each feature as he let his hand follow down your face, finally landing on your lips. Resting his hand on your chin, he runs his thumb over your soft lips. He wondered what your lips would taste like if he were to kiss you at this moment. 

He could see the rapid movement of your chest, your sweet heart thumping under your ribcage. You dry-swallowed as you tried to calm down your breathing, fear mixing with lust in your veins as you came to the realization of how much power Simon had over you, not just physically, but emotionally. You knew then that there was nothing you wouldn’t do for another chance to have him touching you like this again, so delicately, so intimately. You couldn’t care less if he were to kill you right now, it would have been worth it just for having him look at you like you were the only woman in the world. 

“Stop lying to me, Simon.” He hadn’t even kissed you, yet you knew no other man would ever make you feel that way. You wanted to hate him for leading you on, for listening to you like no one else ever had, knowing it didn’t mean the same to him. But you couldn’t, because this one-sided relationship had been all you had thought about since the two of you had met. 

“Lying? Love, why would I ever want to lie to you? Do my actions not speak louder than my words?” He asks with fake innocence, knowing well enough that you didn’t know about his actions. A good girl like you could never imagine all the things he had done, all the work he did in the shadows, covered in blood and gunpowder so you could sleep safely at night. So he could come back to you with peace of mind, knowing he got his hands dirty so you wouldn’t have to. 

“I can’t do this.” You’re talking to yourself at this point, confessions slipping from your lips in the heat of the moment. “I kept lying to myself thinking that I would be okay with you being with another girl, but I can’t Simon. I can’t handle the thought of sharing you with someone else.”

“You are so oblivious.” He says, taking a step forward and closing the distance between you. His hand moves from your chin to the nape of your neck, intertwining his finger with your hair and softly pulling it, securing you in a firm grasp. “You really think it’s been the Universe solving your problems all this time, huh?” He chuckles, clicking his tongue. His other hand moves down to your waist, grabbing it with a firm grip as he presses you against the wall. “Let me give you a hint. The Universe didn’t beat your bloody ex-boyfriend into a pulp.”

If your eyes could have physically widened more, they would have. Your mind is brought back to the day Simon showed up at your flat at 5 am, his fists bloody and covered in bruises. He had told you it was from a bar fight and you believed him. You had taken him to the kitchen, where he sat on the isle while you positioned yourself between his knees, wet cloth in hand. You took care of his bruises and washed the blood off his hand, not realizing until now it was your ex-boyfriend’s blood. You fell asleep on the couch with Simon afterwards, while you ran your hands through his hair and told yourself that whoever he had hurt must have deserved it. When you woke up to your friend calling you to deliver the news that your ex was in the hospital, beaten beyond recognition, Simon shushed you and convinced you to go back to sleep in his arms. 

It made sense now, why sometimes the coffee shop would charge cheaper for your order because of the “skull guy”, but with the owner’s thick accent, you didn’t think much of it, assuming it was a foreign word for “deal” or “promotion”, sipping your coffee mindlessly as you left the shop. 

Not even when your boss made the sign of the cross and muttered “ghost” every time he crossed your path did you ever realize it had been Simon pulling the strings all along.

When you think back to every problem you had told him about, only to wake up to it magically solved, you finally notice that Simon had been looking out for you all this time, not ever worrying about getting credit for his deeds or the consequences they could ever cause him. 

“How could I not care about you, princess? I would kill for you. All you have to do is ask”. 

[o0anapher0o]

Okay so this is a bit rambly but bear with me.

One of my favourite things about the rwrb movie (the book too, but does it to a lesser extent) is that, in defiance of all romcom conventions, every time there is a misunderstanding/conflict, instead of stewing in it and letting it create more problems, within minutes of screen time, one of them forces a confrontation, they communicate and the problem goes away. (Almost like communication works or something.)

This happens multiple times throughout the film: Alex hates Henry. Henry makes him explain why, the hash it out, Henry apologises, problem solved.

Henry ghosts Alex after New Years. Alex makes him meet with him. Okay, to say they talk it out is probably too generous, but communication happens. They establish that they both want this (repeatedly), they create some mutual understanding, Henry lays out the boundaries of what this relationship can be for him and they find a way to make that work.

The same when Henry runs away from the Lake House. Alex comes after him and forces him to talk to him and while they obviously can’t solve the root problem, they settle on a compromise and a promise of ‘we’ll figure it out together and we’re not giving up’. They're back together and reasonably optmistic about the future.

To a lesser degree this even applies to other relationships in the film: Alex and his mom’s fight after the Texas memo leak ends when Ellen starts actually listening to him and reads his memo.

The e-mail leak can only be handled once Alex breaks the communication embargo, goes to Henry and they talk to the king. (Who tries to hide the true reaction of the public from them and the situation can only be resolved once someone (Bea) tells them about the crowds outside.)

Ellen wins the election, because of Alex, after she listened to him and after she lets him give his speech/communicate his truth about the leak (unlike the king who tries to hide Henry away and deny the truth).

Characters get rewarded for talking to one another and punished for not communicating.

The memo wouldn’t have been a problem if Zarah and Ellen had actually listened to Alex’s ideas about Texas before. Alex and Henry end up in the wedding cake & their forced public friendship they hate, because they refuse to talk to each other like normal people and it only stops being a punishment when they start doing that.

Philipp is shown the entire film talking at Henry without any interest in listening to his brother even once. The same goes for King James. He doesn’t communicate, he merely declares his intentions and actively shuts down anybody else’s contribution to the ‘conversation’. Both of them end up not only looking utterly ridiculous but they also loose in the end. The loose face, the loose control over Henry and they’re the ones who have to pick up the pieces of their failure to handle this situation while Henry gets to celebrate and be with the man he loves. (You could even make an argument that the way he is in the election celebration and then at Alex family house symbolises he gets a whole new family and home.)

In so many comedies the humour relies entirely on people not having the simplest conversation and making the characters behave utterly absurd in order to avoid conversations, and here is this movie telling us over and over “Communication is important!” Blame my deep hatred for the avoidable miscommunication trope but I just love that.

[redak-ted]

i have more incorrect quotes and its the fruity four + the certified dilf and his traumatized husband

Miles: Man, traffic's a pain in the assssss.

Hobie: Daddy's home!

Gwen: Just call him Bayer, or Bear or something, Daddy is reserves for your mother to use.

Pav: I'm about to have one less girlfriend in a minute.

Miles: This food is too hot… I cant eat it.

Hobie: You’re very hot, and I still eat you.

Everyone at the table: silence

Gwen: YOU GUYS ARE DISGUSTING!

Pav: One dinner… I just want ONE DINNER!

[The group is a prison cell that was just hit by an earthquake]

Miles: Uh, I'm gonna roll a perception check of… 4, and see if our cell is, uh, in any way damaged by this quake

Hobie: You're in a prison cell :)

Gwen: You did great. Well, I got a 10-

Hobie: You're in a prison cell with bars on it

Pav: I got a 1!

Hobie: You're in… a cube-shaped place.

Miles: On a scale from “damn Daniel” to “fre sha vaca do”, how are you feeling?

Hobie: In between “it’s an avocado, thanks” and “how did you defeat Captain America”, but as a solid answer I would say “I don’t need a degree to be a clothing hanger”. How about you, Gwen?

Gwen: Probably “road work ahead”.

Pav: I speak many languages, and this is none of them.

Miles: Dammit, Hobie!

Hobie: What?! It wasn’t me!

Miles: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Gwen!

Gwen: Not me either.

Miles: Oh…Then who set the house on fire?

Pav: whistles

Miles: On the count of three, what's your favorite cake? One, two, three-

Miles and Hobie, in unison: Chocolate cake peanut butter frosting with chocolate chunks!

Gwen: Our turn, Pav! One, two, three- vanilla!

Pav, deadpan: I've never had cake, what is cake.

Gwen, about Miles: Apparently we’re getting someone new in the group.

Hobie: Are we stealing them?

Pav: New or used?

Gwen: Wonderful responses, both of you.

Gwen: Just be yourself.

Hobie: 'Be myself'? Gwen, I have one day to win Miles over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Pav: Couple weeks.

Peter: Six months.

Miguel: Jury’s still out.

Hobie: See, Gwen?

Hobie: 'Be myself'. What kind of garbage advice is that?

Miles: If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous.

Hobie: What if it bites me and it dies?

Gwen: Then you’re poisonous. Jesus Christ, Hobie, learn to listen.

Pav: What if it bites itself and I die?

Peter: That’s voodoo.

Pav: What if it bites me and someone else dies?

Hobie: That’s correlation, not causation.

Miguel: What if we bite each other, and neither of us die?

Peter: That’s kinky.

Miles: Oh my God.

Miles: Bye Hobie! Bye Gwen! Bye Pav! Bye Peter! Bye Hobie!

Gwen: You said ‘bye Hobie’ twice.

Miles: I like Hobie~

Miles: That's it, we're gonna go out and find what we need!

Pav: To the city?

Miles: Yeah, no matter what!

Peter: Well- How exactly do you propose we do that, exactly?

Miles: I… I don't know!

Hobie: Oh come off it, be serious!

Miles: I am serious!

Hobie: You're insane!

Gwen: Why, if only we were all wiener dogs, our problems would be solved!

Everyone:

Miles: What???

Gwen: Or maybe it was a basset hound!

Hobie, panicked: YOU'RE ALL INSANE!

Miles: What did you guys get in your yearbook?

Gwen: 'Prettiest Smile'

Pav: 'Nicest Personality'

Miguel: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'

Peter: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

Miles: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something?

Hobie: Nope, absolutely not.

Gwen: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through.

Pav: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life.

Peter: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you.

Miguel: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

Squad reactions to being told ‘I love you’

Miles: Thanks fam!

Hobie: oh no

Gwen: cries I love you too

Pav: Sounds fake but okay

Peter: A flustered mess

Miguel: can i get a refund

[destinygoldenstar]

Worst ways to describe Ninjago to people

(Let me know if I should turn this into a series, or if you come up with any)

(These are all jokes)

"This is a show about how plastic makes tornadoes"

"That's Jay, the blue guy. His special power is screaming at the very top of is lungs"

"That's Kai. He's an anime protagonist. His special power is getting sidelined in everything he's ever been involved with"

"That's Cole. Best hair. No criticism" (Quote my GF)

"Society hates and torments a ten year old because he's a brat"

“See, his father is a tired old man who wants to be a better father, it’s hard when you’re an evil terrorist trying to turn the world into your personal zombie land”

"And then the child slipped on ice and fell into a snake pit, and then he was a KING"

"So there's this purple snake. He eats purple snakes. That's how you know he's a good friend"

"Also there's a pink ninja. Yeah. We don't talk about pinkie no no no no no-"

"He's always wondered who he was on the inside... turns out he's a bunch of wires"

"If he could get someone to fall in love with him, the curse would be broken. But who could ever learn to love a snake?"

"His dad didn't say NO MUSIC, he said YES MUSIC, ONLY MUSIC"

"So they have the devil himself living in their boat, and they all think he's a really good neighbor who wouldn't try to kill them while they're sleeping. Except for this one guy who is suspicious. What a hypocrite he is, am I right?"

"Do I save the entire world or do I have this one child? I'm gonna save the child, c'mere child"

"'No destiny, I AM the Green Ninja' 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-'"

"And then the emo child became god"

"So he died. Then he died. And then he died again."

"A machine told her that cheating was okay"

"To save her life, he gave her a piece of his heart. Literally"

"And then they were yeeted into space"

"The Flash is in this show"

"You know how they say the cake is a lie? Wrong. It's the noodles"

"The best way to make things right with your friend is to try to strike them with lightning"

"I must fulfill my daddy's wishes to start up the evil empire-but wait, why is this fire boy so pretty? I think I'll side with him"

"Dude was drunk on power holding a stick, don’t worry he’s fine, they just had to slap him with a jet”

"He was born a devil in a human's body. Then he became a devil. Then he became human again. Then he became a snake. Then he became a dead person. Then the devil again."

"Dead people are deadly allergic to water"

"What do you do when you don't know what to do with a character? MURDER THEM... and then bring them back as a ghost. Problem solved"

"A thousand year old genie wants to marry a teenage girl"

"You ever heard of Romeo and Juliet? Well Jay just said NOPE"

"A young boy became the father of an elderly man"

"Oh Lloyd, if only there was someone out there who loved you"

"And then his dad was brought back from hell to drag him along"

"They didn't die, they were transported to the middle of nowhere"

"A child grew up with his four dads, and then became thousands of years older than said four dads and tried to become a counselor to their rocky marriage"

"Cole fell into the void"

(Come up with your own when reblogging)

[tf2thoughtdump]

TF2 Thought of the Day

Headcanon? Yes.

Character(s)? All the mercs, team not specified but for simplicity’s sake, the red team

Long or Short? Long. This may take a while.

You're free to use any thoughts of mine in any form of media you make.

Thought

This one is real simple, it’s how I think the mercs would handle being given a baby. Enjoy!

Scout

Literally going crazy

Like, about to explode levels of crazy.

Gushing over every inch of this baby from her big eyes to her tiny nose and down to her chubby little hands and feet

Luckily, the little munchkin doesn’t seem to mind his intense energy so it works out

He does his best, but admittedly he is a bit… rusty

The first time he tried holding her, he wasn’t properly securing her head

The second him, he was just holding her upside down

He’s not the WORST merc to leave a baby with, but you have better options.

Soldier

Not really sure what to do with this….

Recruit.

He held her FAR from his body before opting to just tuck her under his arm like a loaf of bread

This didn’t last long though because he eventually found a way to keep her strapped to him with his belt

Uncomfortable, sure, but the baby could care less

She was more concerned with who gave her to this man in the first place

Soldier is your last resort

Pyro

Is most likely to set the baby’s diaper on fire when it gets full

He’s not BAD with a baby, it’s just…

There are so many better options!

They can hold the baby right, that’s not the problem, the problem is the outfit

The rubber, the material in general

Babies need skin-on-skin contact and Pyro.. doesn’t exactly fit the bill with that one

She’s definitely gonna make the baby uncomfortable but it’s nothing a good tickle won’t fix!

Demoman

Why?

Just….

Why?

Did you run out of options again?

Was Soldier too busy so you had to wake up Tavish?

What on Earth could be running through your mind to think leaving a baby with a drunk is a good thing?

He might rock it to sleep, but that’s about all you’re getting

Heavy

Your number 1 go to if you need a babysitter

He’s got three younger sisters! How hard can taking care of a baby be?

You’ll soon come to find out that with Heavy? Taking care of a baby is a piece of cake.

No complications, no fusses, no unchanged diapers

Just Heavy asleep on a couch too small for him, and a baby resting in his giant hands.

Engineer

Also another good one!

Doesn’t have much experience with REAL babies, just his mechanical babies, but he’s sure he can watch her for ya!

Don’t worry about a thing, buttercup, he’s got everything under control

Turns out, he kinda did?

In the time you were gone, he built her a rocking crib

Plus an automatic diaper changer

He’s just a little to busy with machines to be worrying about diapers

Relax though! If the baby cries, he’s putting down everything to figure out what’s wrong and how to solve the problem

Minus the guns in the equation

Medic

Well, uhm..

He’s not a bad baby-watcher!

He will keep that little rascal in his sights at all times! No doubt about it!

He could stare at that baby all day!

Best babywatcher in the world!

But…

This is Medic we’re talking about…

There’s no way this baby is coming back the same baby..

Sniper

Not.. sure what to do?

He’s a bit of a recluse, so he doesn’t hang around people that much

That also translates to him not really being able to understand what to do when given a baby and told to watch her

You know that TikTok audio?

“Your mom told me to watch you, but.. you don’t do anything.”

That’s him.

He takes “watch her” seriously

Now granted, Mick will let her play with his fingers occasionally but is really just staring at a baby in his lap for 2 hours straight and freaking out every time she cries or soils a diaper

Spy

Spy is a neglectful dad

We see that with Scout, so it’s no big surprise there

However, he’s not horrible with kids

He can take care of a baby just fine, change her diapers, feed her, burp her, lull her to sleep and the like

He just won’t be very enthusiastic about it!

If you want your baby to have a good time, pick Scout or Engineer

But if you want someone who actually has some idea what they’re doing, get Heavy or Spy for the job, okay?

[spectralscathath]

Tour Guide to the Unexplained- A Gravity Falls Fanfiction

Chapter 5- Mystery Twins Birthday Bash

Stan and Ford didn’t expect much when getting shipped up to Gravity Falls to stay with estranged family. Not their Grunkle fleeing the cops, not a surprise party, and definitely not the Mystery Shack and their lying uncle who runs it. But with Ford’s smarts and Stan’s punching, there’s no mystery they can’t solve.

Ao3 Link

The sound of a cellphone was what heralded Dipper's latest problem. He nicked himself mid-shave by accident as his pants buzzed, fumbling the razor and knocking over half his shaving kit. It clattered as he took a breath and grabbed the phone, hitting 'answer' and tucking it into his shoulder, trying to pick everything up. "Mr Mystery of the Gravity Falls Mystery Shack, what do you want?"

"Hi, Grunkle Dipper!" A man's voice on the other end had him short-circuiting on who it was being so friendly before he realised it was A) a familiar voice, and B) calling him something only three people in the world had the right to.

"Shermie!" Dipper smiled. "How are you?"

"Great, things are great. I just wanted to call and say that I've sent something up for the twin's birthday, and I hope it arrives for tomorrow but if it doesn't just let them know it's on the way. Thirteen's a big age."

"Birthday?" Dipper repeated, smile plastered on.

"Yeah! I'll try call tomorrow too, I know mom will as well. And maybe Grandpa, just text us what would be a good time, we don't wanna intrude on anything."

"No, yeah, I'll text." Birthday. Crap. "Take care, Jupiter."

"Great! Okay, I gotta go, light's gone green. Chat later!" Shermie hung up. 

Dipper waited for a moment to see if there'd be anything else. 

Silence. 

He panic-dialled Wendy. 

"Corduroys."

"Hi Wendy it's Dipper don't hang up I need advice-" he got it all out in a rush.

"Alright. Shoot." Wendy sounded the same as always, calm and amused. 

"I have twins in my house and their birthday's tomorrow, what do I do? I've never thrown a kids birthday before- I mean, I crashed a few- but for work, not because- listen, there was this body-hopping ghost clown I was tracking-"

"Dipper, relax," Wendy laughed. "Birthdays are easy. Cake, balloons, presents, it's easy. I've done it for sixteen years with Dan, you can manage one."

"But I don't even know their favourite cake flavours! Or the best choice for balloon colours! Or what kind of presents they want! What if they want party games, scratch that- a party?"

"If they want a party, us Corduroys can show up." Wendy offered. "Dipper. Just talk to them. Ask what they want."

"But that would admit that I forgot they're thirteen tomorrow."

"They won't care, probably won't be surprised. You're kind of a disaster."

"Thank you, Wendy, really helpful."

"Anytime."

"I- Wendy-" Dipper felt the urge to apologise. Again. He didn't think he'd ever stop apologising. But that didn't fix things. "Dan's doing great, by the way."

"Yeah he is! He's a flippin' Corduroy," Wendy laughed. "Let him know the plans for tomorrow. Bye, Dipper."

"Bye." Dipper hung up and pulled out the day's to-do list, scratching out half the stuff on it and writing down 'cake, presents, balloons, party? Ask preferences'. He'd need to go into town, but he couldn't buy their presents in front of him- and there were still so many variables. He'd also need Carla to cover the tours while he wasn't here, she was a bit bubbly but the enthusiasm really got people excited to take pictures. Dan could use some register practice anyway- oh man, what was he doing?

He panic-dialled a second number. 

"This better not be a waste of time, I'm doing my makeup." 

"Heyyyyy Paz, it's Dipper."

"I know, I'm rich, I have caller ID." Pacifica huffed haughtily. "What is it this time? Mothman texted, wants to get back together?"

"Ugh, I hope not, I blocked his number. It's a children's birthday party."

"I thought you got rid of that clown ghost-"

"No, not that guy! It's for the twins, its their birthday tomorrow-"

"And you forgot," Pacifica summed up. "I had heard you had kids this summer. I was wondering how long it'd take you to crack and ask for help. You lasted two weeks, congratulations."

"Thanks, they haven't died yet." He was actually quite proud of that fact. 

"So, you mentioned a birthday party." Pacifica hummed on the other side, sounding far away for a second. Was he on speakerphone? Her and her beauty routine, he never dealt with makeup unless he had to show up somewhere as Mabel. 

"They're thirteen, it's a big one."

"Arbitrarily, but kids love to make big deals out of small things. I assume you've started a list."

"You know me," he wrote down 'make a big deal'. "I already got some information, balloons, cake, presents. Anything else?"

"Definitely don't try to handle it yourself. You'll overcomplicate it and wind yourself up into a nervous wreck until it blows up in your face." 

"I'm getting so much feedback on my personality today, it's really great." 

"Awwww, poor you." She matched his sarcasm. "Just get your old mechanic to help, he's much more of a party person than you."

"Paz, you're a genius." Of course! Maybe he could even drop the boys with Soos while he went into town to get all the supplies. 

"Obviously. That's why we tolerate each other."

"... Do you wanna bring Preston to the potential party if it ends up being a thing?" Maybe it would be good for the kid?

"We're busy." Her tone dropped below freezing point and Dipper suddenly remembered why.

"Oh- yeah. How, uh, how's the divorce going?"

"You're going to be buying me something obnoxiously foul at that disgusting biker bar you like once it's all over. I have complaints."

"Oh boy. Good luck, Paz." 

"You too, Dipper." She hung up. 

"Okay!" He looked in the mirror, the small cut on his chin dribbling a little bit of blood. "You have a plan, it's going to work great. Don't overcomplicate."

#

"So if you could both fill out those six-page questionnaires before we reach my friend's house, that would be super helpful to my shopping today."

"Grunkle Dipper, this is double-sided." Stan flicked through the sheets of paper as Dipper ushered him into the back seat of the truck.

"Aw, there's no maths questions." Ford sounded so disappointed as he leafed through his own, following his brother.

"Seatbelts on," Dipper took a big swig from his travel mug as he hopped in the front, a bandage on his chin. Fourth coffee of the day, he'd need way more to survive town. "You'll like Soos and Dolores, they're good people. Soos was my handyman before he retired and Dolores had a summer job at the shack for a few years." Cashiering like Carla.

That reminded him- "Carla! Since it's a Sunday, remember to charge double for-"

"Photos of the reverse harpy, I remember!" Carla saluted, dressed in her version of the Mr Mystery adventure outfit. 

"And remind Dan to triple-check anyone who pays in just coins! They could be scammers!"

"We've got this, go!" She shooed him off with a laugh, affixing her flower to her explorer's hat.

"Why don't we get to watch the till?" Stan asked, Ford already on his second page as his pencil flew across paper. 

"Because I need you on questionnaire duty, get answering." He really should show them how to use a till, get them some life skills with money. 

"Can I copy Ford's answers?"

"No- wait, do you do that?" He glanced at the rearview mirror as he pulled onto the road.

"Uh." Stan looked at his own questionnaire, his wrist no longer braced. "No."

"Only on some things! I don't mind," Ford defended. "He's actually really good at Spanish."

"I'm not, I got, like, a C-  on my last report card."

"Hey, I scraped a D, Ms Lopez was disappointed." Ford clearly tried to cheer his twin up, but his own tone didn't sound cheerful. It sounded brittle. Dipper remembered hating getting anything less than a B+ on his own school reports, he understood. "Guess I don't have a knack for languages."

"Languages are hard." Stan sighed. "I barely speak English good."

"'Well', Stanley," Ford corrected offhandedly. "Grammar is important."

Stan groaned and kicked the back of the passenger seat as Dipper turned on the radio, deliberately sparing them BABBA so they could focus. If the questionnaires didn't work, his Plan B was to get Dolores to do some snooping for him. 

He could absolutely make this party go well. See if he could make up for the puppet incident. The looks on their faces, because he lost control of himself, of his fear… he wasn't made of stone. He had to fix that. 

It was gonna go great. They were gonna have the best birthday ever, he could make it happen. Party Guy Dipper Pines. He had a plan, the steps were in numerical order, it had headings and sub-headings, it was gonna work perfectly. Bonus: he wouldn't even need to clone himself again. That went really bad last time, good thing he destroyed that printer and got rid of all of them.

#

Stan led Ford into the small house on the outskirts of Gravity Falls's suburbs, shocked to see their self-admitted people-hating Grunkle willing accept a hug from both the old guy in a Hawaiian top and the lady in a snazzy pink dress with poofy brown curls. 

"Dolores, Soos, these are my grandnephews," Dipper introduced, still looking as wild-eyed as when he chased them out of the Shack and into his truck. "Stanley and Stanford Pines."

"Ay, qué lindo!" Dolores looked at them adoringly, as Dipper ushered them forward. "Señor Pines, they're so cute!"

"I'm not cute!" Stan puffed up. "I'm tough!" Like a tiger. The fact that Dolores only cooed more did not make him feel better.

Dipper patted his hair and Ford's at the same time. "Yep! Adorable! I was wondering if you wouldn't mind watching them for a few hours while I do some stuff in town?"

"Si, no prob, dude, we're gonna have a great time." Soos waved a hand. "It's gonna be the bomb."

"I should have never taught you young people slang, abuelito," Dolores sighed, but she didn't look angry. 

"But it makes me so hip and trendy!" 

"Hey, Dolores, can I talk to you super quick?" Grunkle Dipper cut in, giving Ford and Stan a little shove into the house as Dolores stepped by to join him outside.

"Si, what do you want?" Dolores glanced back. "Abuelito, the cookies should be cooled, if you want to make tea?"

"You got it, Lola." Soos smiled at her and lumbered towards the kitchen, his hair white and thin. 

Stan started to double back to try and eavesdrop before Ford caught him and pulled him along. Right. Another adult was there. Getting in trouble immediately was a bad idea. Good thing he had Ford around to keep him on track.

Besides. Cookies.

The kitchen smelt amazing, Stan didn't regret following Ford as they entered, both taking a deep breath of baked goodness. It smelt like the Belgian waffle place next door to dad's pawn shop but even better. 

"You dudes like video games?" Soos asked brightly, using tongs to place cookies on plates. They looked like little round spheres. Stan took one and bit down, not expecting the jam inside. Yum!

"An old person who likes video games?" Stan mumbled through a mouthful of jam cookie and looked at Ford.

"That seems like a statistical anomaly," Ford agreed, taking a cookie himself. "Thank you, Mr Ramirez."

"Call me Soos, little dudes. Everyone does." He moved around the kitchen. "You dudes want tea?"

"Why do you say 'dudes'?" Stan asked bluntly. "It's not what old people say."

"I picked it up from my grandkids, I talk all rad like them now." Soos chuckled. His voice had a soft accent around some words, just like Ms Lopez. "I play video games with them too. Lotta good skills in those, good for the brain."

"We don't get to play them much. Consoles are expensive." Ford stated after swallowing his cookie. He didn't talk with his mouth full like Stan.

"You wanna use mine? I love playing video games with people, dawg."

Stan and Ford glanced at each other, and while Ford had done all the tests and conclusively proved they could not, in fact, read each other's mind, somehow they knew. 

They really wanted to try it out. 

#

"Okay, okay, you crazy man," Dolores laughed at Dipper. Cool. Today was going great for his ego, he wasn't bitter. "I'll find out details, now you go, do your shopping.."

"I owe you both for this. Thanks, Dolores."

"And don't worry about a cake, I'll make something better."

"You really don't have to-" the glare in her eyes cut him off. Oh boy, time to backtrack. "I surrender to your wisdom."

"Good!" She clapped her hands together with a smile. "We will also be at the party tomorrow."

"Got it." He really wasn't escaping a party, huh. "By the way- have you heard anything interesting recently?"

Dolores' eyes sparkled with the promise of gossip. "Do your shopping first and be back in time for lunch, maybe I'll tell you something."

Dipper chuckled and tipped his hat as a 'yes'. "Let me let the boys know."

He stepped inside, unable to stop a smile at the sight of Soos in his armchair, talking the kids through the basics of a racing game. He should take them to the local arcade some time, they'd probably have fun. He could also make sure he still had the top score on Space Invasioners while he was at it, he was gonna be dead in the ground before someone else took that title from him. 

"Okay, I'll be back in a few hours. You two behave, alright?" He leaned over the back of the couch.

"We will," Ford smiled.

"How much are you gonna pay us to behave?" Stan held out a hand expectantly. 

"Ha! Nice try. Seriously, behave." Dipper pointed at him. 

"Dipper, dude, are you going to the mall? If you do, can you-"

"I will bring back something from Hoo-Ha Owl's Jamboree," Dipper agreed. Least he could do for springing babysitting duty on Soos and Dolores at such short notice. "Even if that place is creepy."

"Yes!"

"Okay, enjoy your games, don't get in trouble, and Dolores-" he pulled out his wallet and handed her some cash. "If I get arrested, pay my bail with this."

"I will," she nodded solemnly. 

"Bye, kids! Don't die or something." Seriously, those twins attracted trouble like nothing else, just one calm day, please.

#

"Video games are so cool!" Ford smiled, much preferring the one where he and Stanley could work together to beat up enemies and find stars to the racing ones.

"Yeah! Man, dad's missing out, I'd never be getting into fights if I had something this fun to do instead!" 

"Heh, yeah, you should get Dipper to take you to the arcade." Soos had his hands folded over his stomach, sticking around to remind them of button functions and point out stuff they missed. "I love that place, I worked there for a while before I was hired for the Mystery Shack."

"Why was that?"

"Oh, Dipper's great, little dudes, but he can't swing a hammer."

"No, he is useless," Dolores agreed. "He'd live in a pigsty if we didn't keep him alive. With the pig."

"He does love that pig." Ford agreed. "He talks to Waddles Jr. a lot."

"Yeah, it's kinda cool." Stan liked how big the pig was. He thought they were all tiny piglets, but Waddles Jr. was a beast. It was awesome. 

"Yeah, he was a total wreck when Waddles Sr. was gone, nothing cheered him up 'til he got a new pig." 

"It was very sad," Dolores agreed before moving on. "Now- my friend also wants a cake for her son's birthday but wants to surprise him. What do you think, chocolate? Vanilla?"

"You should make them something minty, it's the best flavour," Ford jumped in immediately and Stan switched to damage control. 

"No, no- not mint, it's an evil flavour." Stan ignored Ford's offended gasp and flailing hands in his face. "Dolores, go for the vanilla. Classics are classics for a reason. Choc chips if you really need to spice it up."

"I see. Very smart, both of you."

The front door opened and closed with a bang, all of them turning to see Dipper with his back pressed flat to the wood, chest heaving, partially on fire. He had a bag in one hand.

"Sheesh, what happened to you?" Stan had to ask and Dipper shushed him, head cocking.

Stan did the same, and heard sirens blare in their direction, louderLouderLOUDER then fading as they went by. Dipper waited until they vanished before he took a deep breath. 

"Grunkle Dipper…?" Ford asked warily.

"No structural damage!" He raised his hands, half his face covered in soot, the fire on his sleeve starting to spread from his shoulder to his jacket collar.

"Grunkle Dip, you're on fire." Stan had to point it out. Did he not notice?

"I am?" Dipper looked properly at himself and panicked, hurriedly ripping his hat off and batting at the flames. "I am! This is bad!"

Dolores pulled out a fire extinguisher from under her chair and took aim. "Hold still."

"No I'm holding food!" He raised his hand, hat out like a shield. "Fire's out!"

Dolores lowered the extinguisher. "Hm. Crazy man. I'll get the first aid kit."

"It's not that baaaa-and she's gone."

"Dipper. Dude, did you get lunch?"

"Yeah, I got your creepy animatronic pizza," Dipper gestured at the bag, carrying it over and using it as the shield instead. Soos accepted and began doling out pizza as Dipper gestured at the twins. "Budge up, boys."

Ford dutifully moved over, forcing Stan to do the same unless he wanted bony twin elbows shoved into his ribs. "Seriously, what happened?"

"One of my friends should get a job writing horoscopes," Dipper collapsed with a groan. "'Blow up in your face', c'mon. That's not fair. How's your day going?"

"We're playing video games!"

"It's so much fun!"

"They're really good, dude," Soos told him seriously, offering out pizza boxes. Stan grabbed one for both of them to share before they were presented with a second pizza. Wow, one each? Soos continued, settling back in his armchair. "You should put 'em in, like, tournaments."

"Will do." Dipper gave a thumbs up, placing his hat over his face as he leaned back into the couch. "Nap first."

"You're sleeping through pizza?" Old people were so weird. He glanced at Ford, who gave him the same confused face back. "Grunkle Dipper, you're a lost cause."

Dipper grumbled something that sounded like 'four for four'. And Ford thought he was an anomaly, Stan should let him know he had nothing on their Grunkle.

#

Grunkle Dipper was a hard taskmaster when he wanted to be, Ford was deciding, on his third round of scrubbing clean all the various plaques for the permanent attractions. 

"Grunkle Dipper, can we go outside already?" Stan sounded on the verge of either saying the P word, a statistical impossibility, or hitting their grunkle with a broom. Ford was well-past any state of trying to convince him otherwise, maybe the broom would set them free. 

"Not yet," Dipper leaned in the single entrance to the attraction hall, the gift shop on the other side. Freedom was so far away.

How much cleaner could the attraction hall get? Dipper kept running his finger across surfaces, checking for dust and somehow finding some even though Ford knew there wasn't any. Why were they even cleaning? Weren't there supposed to be tours? It wasn't one of the days the Shack was closed. 

This was the worst birthday ever, and that included the year dad made them scrape barnacles off the pier for a friend of his. It included the year Stanley got them both grounded too, actually. It was a low bar, yet somehow Grunkle Dipper managed to crawl under anyway. 

"I still see dust on the Roman sarcophagus. And there's marks on the bog body glass." Dipper checked his flip phone for the fourth time in ten minutes before he busied himself with adjusting the new Cursed Board Game exhibit. 

"That's because the cloth for cleaning the glass is gross," Stan huffed as he swept. "Can I have my smoke bombs back?"

"Will you stop trying to escape?"

"No."

"Then no."

Stan swiped at him with the broom, Dipper managing to dodge. He wobbled, but stayed up. Dad definitely wasn't that light on his feet and he was younger then Dipper. 

"How do you do that when you're so old?" Ford had to ask.

"Well I've been chasing after a pair of troublemakers for the past two and a half weeks-"

"Dipper," Ford pouted. 

"Daily stretches do a lot for a guy, what can I say?" Dipper tipped his hat before wincing. "Still hurts though. And don't smoke, seriously. If you learn nothing else this summer, learn that."

"I don't like the smell anyway." Ford hated the way it made the house smell in Jersey, but he couldn't just tell mom and dad to stop. "And it has lots of health risks."

"And expensive, dad's been complaining about the price." Stan chimed in.

"See? Stinky, dangerous, and expensive. Don't ever do anything that hits all three, those are bad life choices." Dipper preened like he said something clever. Ford wondered if other people thought he looked as smug as his Grunkle did when Ford said smart things. Except he was actually a genius, a real one. 

"Don't tell me what to do," Stan muttered rebelliously. 

Dipper's phone buzzed and he checked it. "Great, okay boys, we can stop cleaning now!"

"Finally!" Ford dropped the cloth like it was about to bite him. 

"What's this 'we' business?" Stan demanded, pointing the broom menacingly at their Grunkle. "You just stood there telling us to do things!"

"It's called 'delegation', it's great," Dipper stepped away from the entrance he'd been sort of blocking. "Alright, let's all go outside!"

"Race you!" Ford ran by his brother and tagged him on the back, Stanley whooping and taking off after him as they ran through the surprisingly empty gift shop and outside past a bunch of cars. They had been cooped up inside too long and had energy to burn. 

"Go round the back!" Dipper called. 

"Eh, why not?" Stan shrugged and tagged him back before sprinting. "Keep up, slowpoke!"

"Don't call me a slowpoke!" Ford chased him with a grin, managing to tackle him right when they rounded the Shack. They landed in a pile of knobbly joints and laughter, right when there was a massive yell of "SURPRISE!"

They froze, taking in the scene. 

Carla and Dan had massive grins as they stood under a banner held up by Dan's trio of uncles, Tad and Fiddleford beside them holding balloons in Tad's case and fireworks in Fiddleford's, also grinning. A tall red-haired woman in an eyepatch and flannel sat beside a pair of adults dressed neatly with pleasant smiles. Waddles Jr. sat among a collection of party games that had been set up. Soos and Dolores stood by a table piled high with food and- oh, wow, two cakes!

"Happy birthday, boys," Dipper said from behind them, sitting on the porch couch and making a 'go ahead' gesture.

Carla barely managed to beat Manly Dan as they raced over, her arms wrapping around them both. Ford heard Stan make a squeaking noise as she hugged them tight, pulling back with a bright smile. "Welcome to being teenagers! It's super cool!"

"Thanks," Stan's voice cracked, and when Ford looked at him his face was bright red. Was he sick?

"My turn!" Dan scooped them both off the ground, squeezing tight enough Ford was sure his spine's alignment was altered. 

"Go easy, Danny!" The woman with the eyepatch called out in amusement, while Dan's three uncles started chanting 'Dan! Dan! Dan! Dan!'

"Happy birthday!" Dan yelled as he put them down. "You have presents!"

"We have presents?!" Ford's eyes bulged in shock. No way, those were so rare!

"You're pulling my leg, big guy," Stan visibly tried to get back his cool. 

"Never! It's not a birthday without presents," Carla grinned. "But you gotta do games and cake first!"

"Those are the rules of partying." Tad tied a red balloon to Ford's wrist and repeated the process for Stan once Stan finished giving him a suspicious squint and stuck out his hand. 

"You're all forgetting a step!" Fiddleford chimed in, hefting the pile of hazardous materials in his arms with a wild grin and a mad laugh. "Fireworks go last! Whoohahaha!"

#

Dipper put his hat over his face to try to sneak in another nap when hands grabbed his arm, hefting him to his feet. He yipped and waved his free arm for balance, Wendy towering over him as she let him go. He wasn't that short, she was just NBA-tall. 

"You think you have a pass to conk out like an old man just because the party started?" Her wild red hair was jammed under a dark beanie and her green eye was bright with guarded amusement. "Wrong idea, buster."

"Wendy, I am an old man." He put his hat back on. "Okay, what am I missing?"

"We all have to watch the kids play party games and clap when they win, then you take pictures of the cake. Didn't you ever have a birthday as a kid?"

"I sometimes skipped my parties to read." Sometimes it felt easier that way, at least until Mabel found him and pulled him out of his head and into a game with all her friends. "I'm just glad people showed up today."

"For those twins? Of course!" Wendy punched his arm with a grin. Ow. He rubbed the spot with a wince as she laughed harder. "Don't be a baby. They're good kids, got plenty of people who'll show up. Why'd you think otherwise?"

She knew why. "I'm surprised you're even here, Wendy." 

"You act like I'm supposed to be some twitchy paranoid wreck, I think you've got that covered." Wendy rolled her eye and patted his back. "Don't get so weird, Dip, get out there and mingle."

She shoved him off the porch and he almost ate dirt, flailing for stability as he stumbled into the small gathering of grown-ups. He recognised Wendy's brothers who all were cheering for the kids, no point talking to them, and he wasn't gonna get away with not talking to anyone. Soos would be easy, but maybe he should at least learn the names of the unknowns on his property?

"Hi. Dipper Pines." He waved awkwardly at the Stranges. He vaguely remembered meeting one of them when he paid the mortgage off, but couldn't remember a name. He also couldn't remember if he'd ever seen them blink. Time to observe. "Nice to meet you properly."

"Hi." The man who looked and sounded way too much like his son, except for his brown hair, held out a hand with wide eyes. "I'm Carl Strange. This is my wife-"

"Celia Strange," she also held out a hand, staring with a smile that matched her husband's. "It's lovely to meet you, Mr Mystery. We love your Shack."

"Thanks." He bit the side of his tongue as he forced himself to shake their hands one at a time- eeny, meeny, miney, you- and kept on the showman's smile. Mr Mystery was a lot braver than Dipper Pines. "Regular visitors, then?"

"Oh yes, we like to drop by. Reminds us of our old town," Celia laughed, her glossy black hair cut in a neat bob. 

"We love your snowglobes, ever since we stopped travelling it's been great for our collection." Carl put his hand on his hip, smiling placidly. Still no blinks.  "New designs each year, how do you do it?"

"I take my inspiration from the world around me." He looked over at the kids as they tried to pin a tail on a cartoon pig drawing. Aw, cute. Waddles Jr. deserved the homage. 

"How artistic! You know, we're so glad our little tadpole's made some friends here."

"I've never seen him so excited."

Dipper squinted as he studied the kid squad. Nope, the Strange kid still had that singular smile on that seemed to be his one 'setting', so to speak. Same one as what his folks had. Eerie. 

"Yeah. No, he seems like a good kid." He looked back at the happy couple. Was that abnormal pupil dilation or…? "It's good for the twins, I think they need some normal in their lives."

"Well, we're as normal as can be," Celia chuckled. 

"Yes, indeed," her husband agreed. "Though it must be exciting, running one of the local town attractions."

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine." Someone save him from small talk. Wait, was that a motorbike? "Actually I think I hear the delivery guy, I'll be back in a sec, great to meet you both, you're welcome to come back for a tour anytime."

"We will!" They chorused. It sent a chill down his spine. Okay, he was going to never talk to the Strange parents again, great idea. 

He walked around the Shack to see Jimmy pull up out front, sighing in relief. Someone he could deal with. "I've never been happier to see you in my life, Snakes."

"Whatever, old man." Jimmy pulled off his helmet, snake tattoo in a different position today. He hefted two giant boxes off the back of his bike. "Here's the dumb packages."

"I didn't send you out for anything?"

"Nah, they're from that rich lady with the brat kid. She actually paid me," Jimmy sneered. "You should try that some time."

"I don't have money." Dipper stated, standing in front of his functioning livelihood. "Are you saying Pacifica sent you?" 

"Uh-huh."

But why would she- wait. The realisation clicked and he ran over, actually reading the labels on the giant boxes. Insane. Pacifica Northwest was apparently insane. Who did this? "She got them bikes for their birthday?! How?"

"Wait, am I on a birthday present run?" Jimmy sounded so offended.

"Get your butt in gear and do your scale thing, kid, you're carrying these."

"I hate you."

#

It was a whirlwind of fun and cake and so many presents. Stan still couldn't believe that they had an actual birthday party. One where people wanted to be there. Dan and Carla and Tad and Fiddleford and Jimmy- who showed up late and stayed for cake before leaving- had all actually wanted to be there. Stan had no idea how to even handle all that, and clearly Ford didn't either.

"How's the cataloguing going?" He asked as Ford wrote down everything in their present haul. Whatever made him feel better.

"A bike each from someone named 'Paz', flannel jackets from the Corduroys, toy dinosaurs from Soos and Dolores, free passes to the local carnival from Carla, Shermie mailed us toy boats, Fiddleford got me a book and you a comic, and Tad gave us both a whole thirty bucks each." 

"And…" Stan hefted up what had been on their beds after the party ended. 

"Right. A beginner artist's set, one for you and one for me." All Dipper had said when they turned on him for answers was a shifty 'family could use more artists' statement. 

"This is the most insane present haul we've ever gotten." Stan summed up.

"It's too much. Way too much." Ford agreed. "We- do we just keep it all? Are we allowed?"

"I mean- how are we meant to give it back without looking like goobers?"

"I don't know, I've been running calculations and everything beyond keeping it all seems rude, but that also seems rude?"

"Maybe we figure it out tomorrow?" Stan could put the moral complexity stuff off forever, honestly. "After all, we gotta call mom." It wouldn't feel right without hearing her say 'happy birthday'.

"We gotta call mom." Ford's eyes went wide, remembering the most important part of the day. "Okay, we know what to say, and what not to say so dad doesn't drag us back home yet. We've practiced. To the phone!"

"Yeah!" They ran downstairs and Ford dialled, easily remembering the number on the landline. The fact that Grunkle Dipper still had a landline was comforting. Mom did too, one that dad kept in top shape so she could work. 

It rang once, twice, thrice, before it was picked up and on the other end- "that'll be 99 cents an hour."

"Ma!" They chorused.

"Stanley, Stanford! My baby boys!" She sounded way more interested now, her voice husky from cigarette smoke and warm with love. "Happy birthday! How's it feel to be thirteen?"

"We're not babies anymore, ma!" Stan snatched the phone. He hoped so much Pa wasn't around on the other side, as weird as Gravity Falls was, it was nice to feel like he could breathe without being weighed down by dad's disappointment. "We're teenagers now!"

Ford snatched the phone back. "Grunkle threw us a surprise party and all our friends came!"  

"That sap," she laughed. "Guess Shermie was right, sounds like you're having fun up there."

"We are!" Stan chimed in. "And my brace is off so I can punch things again!" It still kinda hurt a bit, but that was just healing, probably.

"That's my little spitfire! Tell me about your party, I miss you both." Stan hoped that was true. He wanted it to be.

"We miss you too, ma." Ford smiled sadly. Stan hesitated before he reached out and took his hand. Ford smiled gratefully at him before he took a deep breath. 

"So first we were cleaning the Mystery Shack…"