#MY PERFECT FAMILY

[richincolor]

I thought it would be fun to close out February by leaving you with 10 YA books by Black authors that we are looking forward to! All of these books come out later this year, so you have plenty to look forward to even though Black History Month is over. Of course, there are many, many other books by Black authors coming out this year--these are just the ones that caught my attention. Check out our StoryGraph account to find what else is on our radar!

Where Shadows Meet (Heirs of Shadows #1) by Patrice Caldwell Wednesday Books

The dark and thrillingly romantic debut vampire fantasy that questions what it truly means to sacrifice for love. You have no idea what I’ve done for love. Just as you have no idea what you may one day do. Once long ago, a girl named Favre sacrificed her wings for love. Thana, the young goddess she so willingly gave them up for, sacrificed that same love for power. But everything has a cost. Favre never got over the loss of her wings. And Thana’s choices led to a life of eternal night, and later, their destruction. Favre has bided her time ever since, waiting for the chance to resurrect the girl she loves who turned her into the creature she hates. Now, a thousand years later, Leyla, the crown princess of the malichora—an ancient race that survives on human blood —must travel to the Island of the Dead when her best friend is captured during an attack on her nation’s capital. Along with Najja, a fierce, beautiful seer, and the last person she expected to help her, Leyla forges down a dangerous path, intent on saving her friend. But nothing is as it seems. The closer she gets to her goal, the more she risks awakening an ancient evil and destroying everything she holds dear. Set in the aftermath of a war between vampires, humans, and the gods that created them, Patrice Caldwell’s devastatingly romantic fantasy debut, Where Shadows Meet, centers the heart-wrenching pain of loss and the struggle of self-discovery to ask: do we choose our fates, or do our fates choose us?

All the Noise at Once by DeAndra Davis Atheneum Books for Young Readers

In this compelling, moving story about brotherhood, identity, and social justice, a Black, autistic teen tries to figure out what happened the night his older brother was unjustly arrested. All Aiden has ever wanted to do was play football just like his star quarterback brother, Brandon. An overstimulation meltdown gets in the way of Aiden making the team during summer tryouts, but when the school year starts and a spot unexpectedly needs to be filled, he finally gets a chance to play the game he loves. However, not every player is happy about the new addition to the team, wary of how Aiden’s autism will present itself on game day. Tensions rise. A fight breaks out. Cops are called. Brandon interferes on behalf of his brother, but is arrested by the very same cops who, just hours earlier, were chanting his name from the bleachers. When he’s wrongly charged for felony assault on an officer, everything Brandon has worked for starts to slip away, and the brothers’ relationship is tested. As Brandon’s trial inches closer, Aiden is desperate to figure out what really happened that night. Can he clear his brother’s name in time?

The Corruption of Hollis Brown by K. Ancrum HarperCollins

Hollis Brown is stuck. Born to a blue-collar American Dream, Hollis lives in a rotting small town where no one can afford to leave. Hollis's only bright spots are his two best friends, cool girls Annie and Yulia, and the thrill of fighting his classmates. As if his circumstances couldn’t get worse, a chance encounter with a mysterious stranger named Walt results in a frightening trap. After unknowingly making a deal at the crossroads, Hollis finds himself losing control of his body and mind, falling victim to possession. Walt, the ghost making a home inside him, has a deep and violent history rooted in the town Hollis grew up in and he has unfinished business to take care of. As Walt and Hollis begin working together to put Walt’s spirit to rest, an unspeakable bond forms between them, and the boys begin falling for one another in unexpected ways. But it’s only a matter of time before Hollis’s best friends begin to notice that something about Hollis isn’t quite…right. With the threat of a long-overdue exorcism looming before them, will Walt and Hollis be able to protect their love and undo the curse that turned their town from a garden of possibility into a place where dreams go to die?

If We Were a Movie by Zakiya N. Jamal HarperCollins Children's Books

Lights. Camera. Love? Rochelle “the Shell” Coleman is laser focused on only three things: becoming valedictorian, getting into Wharton, and, of course, taking down her annoyingly charismatic nemesis and only academic competition, Amira Rodriguez. However, despite her stellar grades, Rochelle’s college application is missing that extra special something: a job. When Rochelle gets an opportunity to work at Horizon Cinemas, the beloved Black-owned movie theater, she begrudgingly jumps at the chance to boost her chances at getting into her dream school. There’s only one problem: Amira works there… and is also her boss. Rochelle feels that working with Amira is its own kind of horror movie, but as the two begin working closely together, Rochelle starts to see Amira in a new light, one that may have her beginning to actually��� like her? But Horizon’s in trouble, and when mysterious things begin happening that make Horizon’s chances of staying open slimmer, it’s up to the employees to solve the mystery before it’s too late, but will love also find its way into the spotlight?

If I Could Go Back by Briana Johnson Peachtree Teen

For Aaliyah Campbell, family is everything. Her cousin Ivy is her best friend and track co-star, and Grandpa Joe is her rock. He may be crotchety and dramatic, but he’s raised Aaliyah since she was a toddler. Still, Aaliyah can’t stop thinking about what’s missing—her parents. When Aaliyah secretly contacts her mom, she risks upsetting the family who’s always been there. But Grandpa Joe refuses to explain why her parents gave her up, and without answers, Aaliyah cannot silence the anxious voice telling her she's never been good enough. Surprisingly, it isn't Aaliyah's mom, but her dad, Quincy, who steps up. Quincy turns out to be immature but surprisingly fun to hang out with. And when the rest of the family finds out they're in contact, old secrets will finally be forced into the light. Aaliyah Campbell is a champion for young Black girls coping with anxiety and depression, and a voice for all teens navigating the messy process of learning how to advocate for ones’ self. Through honest storytelling and a voice that oozes humor and heart, Briana Johnson’s memorable debut explores sensitive topics with authenticity and compassion.

Solo Stan by Talia Tucker Kokila

From the author of Rules for Rule Breaking comes a queer YA romance about two solo concertgoers and unwitting seatmates who, when the show is abruptly cut short, embark on an unforgettable North Carolina summer night together, discovering how opposites can attract under the right circumstances. Dakarai (Kai) Barbier was supposed to be at CYPHR’s sold-out show with his best friends. Instead, he finds himself going solo, reeling from the news that they’ve decided to accelerate the next chapter of their lives, leaving him alone the summer after high school graduation. Meanwhile, Elias Davis has just been sent from New York City to North Carolina to live with his uncle after a last-straw fistfight. Stuck in a town he doesn’t want to be in, and without knowing a soul his own age, he buys a single ticket to CYPHR’s Raleigh show. When a sudden blackout ends the show early, forcing these unwitting seatmates back onto the streets of Raleigh, they are faced with a choice: get on the bus and head home or take a chance on each other. They might have arrived alone, but will they be leaving together?

Tempest by K. Ibura Quill Tree Books

After Veronique’s parents died, her grandmother raised her on a farm in rural Louisiana. For sixteen years, it’s just been Veronique, MawMaw, and an ocean of trees. That’s because Veronique has a secret—one MawMaw has warned her she must always keep safe. Veronique has the power to control the wind. But when MawMaw falls ill, Veronique is forced to move to New Orleans to live with family she never knew she had. New Orleans is a far cry from her old quiet life, but Veronique finally gets her chance for a normal life—one with school, friends, and even love. But when her new life threatens her ability to control her powers, she quickly learns that the world is bigger and more dangerous than she’d ever imagined. Veronique must uncover what MawMaw was trying to protect her from before it’s too late.

Pretty Girl County by Lakita Wilson Viking Books For Young Readers

Girls like Reya Samuels always come from Prince George’s County. Reya is rich and she’s not afraid to show it—she wears designer clothes, drives a custom pink Audi, and lives in a neighborhood tucked behind a fancy cast iron gate. She works hard, but she can get anything she wants with a snap. Sommer Watkins is from Seat Pleasant, where the cast iron gates are significantly smaller—and attached to the windows, where most folks are still trying to make ends meet. Every day for Sommer is a hustle, working at her dad’s bookstore, and using her art skills to scrounge up enough scholarship money for her dream school, Spelman. Reya and Sommer used to be BFFs—back when Reya lived in Seat Pleasant, too. Now the girls are from different stratospheres—but when Reya desperately needs help to prove to FIT admissions officers that she has what it takes to make it in fashion, the only person who can help is Sommer. Reya promises to help Sommer in return—she’ll pay her for her services, helping Sommer afford the school her parents can’t. As the girls work together, slowly they begin to trust each other again. But when new relationships push them both, and Sommer’s dad’s bookstore is suddenly in danger of closing, old wounds bubble up. Can the girls find a way to repair their friendship and stay true to themselves along the way?

My Perfect Family by Khadijah VanBrakle Holiday House

Sixteen-year-old Leena has always wished for a big family… but when she discovers she has a Muslim grandfather and aunt she never knew, she learns that family comes with tangled histories she may not be able to heal. “Lonely Leena” is close with her young single mother. Still, she’s always secretly dreamed of more (and, when she was a kid, asked Santa for it). A huge family to cheer her on at graduation. A gaggle of smiling faces at the holidays. But one call from the hospital, and her mother’s hidden past comes to light: Her grandfather is in the ER, and her aunt is with him in recovery. Sorry—her WHO? But with family comes family secrets—Leena’s mom’s, and as Leena grows close with her new family behind her mother’s back, her own. Leena’s mom warns that Leena’s grandfather Tariq’s financial generosity doesn’t come without strings attached… like Leena converting to Islam, fighting for a spot at a top university, and adhering to the restrictive rules that she ran from all those years ago. Leena isn’t sure who to trust, yet she’s certain that she adores Tariq and her mom—and that she’s the only one who could heal old hurts. After so many years, is it even possible? And if she can’t, will she have to choose between them? A big family was the dream, but all this drama isn’t. Warm, witty, and sometimes serious, My Perfect Family is a poignant intergenerational narrative that gives voice to Black Muslim women. A thoughtful examination of the intersection between gender and religion, Khadijah VanBrakle’s sophomore novel is a heartfelt tale of forging one’s own path… while loving those who stay by your side.

The Great Misfortune of Stella Sedgwick by S. Isabelle HarperCollins

Eighteen-year-old Stella Sedgwick is a lost cause. While 1860s England offers little opportunity beyond marriage for a sharp-tongued, dark-skinned housekeeper’s daughter, Stella dreams of a writing career and independence. When her late mother’s former employer—the wealthy Thomas Fitzroy—summons Stella to London, he bequeaths her one of the family’s great estates on his deathbed. But such an inheritance will precipitate a legal battle, one that would be much easier if Stella were married. Suddenly thrust into lily-white London society with the goal of finding a husband, Stella also reunites with the Fitzroy heir Nathaniel, her childhood best friend, now somewhat of a stranger. But even though she doesn’t want a husband, London presents other opportunities, like picking up her mother’s old advice column, where “Fiona Flippant” anonymously guided readers through upper-class perils. It turns out the dresses and balls aren’t so bad, though the stares and insults sometimes feel impossible to navigate. Things only grow more complicated with the attention of handsome suitors and Stella’s increasingly tempestuous relationship with Nathaniel. As new opportunities arise and old secrets are uncovered, Stella must decide when to play by the rules, when to break them, and when to let herself follow her heart.

[vixxenlove98]

Motherhood

If I am ever blessed to have children, I know I would be a good mom because I learned what not to do.

I know how I will not talk to my kids.

I know I will not enable an abusive man.

I will not invite any and everyone to come stay with us, especially not strangers.

I will listen to my children and communicate with them the way I would want them to communicate with me.

I will love them and make them feel loved.

I will put them first.

[seagull-scribbles]

An enchanting neighbourhood

[shadowisabean]

My life revolves around Shadow 🐶❤️

[vaguely-concerned]

the strength it must have taken for illario to not immediately go full 'lmao since when have you even had a kiss hello lucanis' sibling violence mode during the café talk. inspirational. rook and lucanis really were doing all that right in front of his salad huh

[lucyllawless]

AGATHARIO AU: Agatha comes home to her wife and son and can’t believe how lucky she is.

[mirrorcatcreditcard]

Your honor, they were watering down my favorite character and not letting them be a jerk.

[confessedlyfannish]

Writing Prompt #13

"So?" Red Hood asks, arms crossed. "Was I right?"

"Yes," Phantom says, deepening his voice, "this is one of mine."

"One of your what?" Robin growls. Nightwing's hand on his shoulder is the only thing keeping him from invading Phantom's personal space, which, please, continue to do so Mr. Nightwing, Sir.

Phantom would take a deep calming breath if a) he wasn't trying to appear as otherworldly as possible which means no human breathing and b) if that wouldn't so obviously telegraph how uncomfortable he is in the Batcave surrounded by the entire Batfamily.

Next to him Red Hood shifts in slight discomfort. His ties to the spectral realm mean he's picking up on Danny's unease even if he can't fully translate the feeling. Which is good. Danny needs to maintain what little control he has over this situation.

"There's a gh-spirit in my...realm," Phantom says, letting himself drift gently to the other side of Batman's medical table which just coincidentally puts more distance between him and the the rest of the clan staring him down. Black Bat leans forward and he violently suppresses a flinch. "They're known as Nocturne. They wield power over dreams. Their signature is all over this."

And Danny means that literally. Their ecto-signature couldn't be more apparent if they'd written it in sharpie across Batman's suit. This is what Jason—Red Hood, because Danny couldn't have been dealing with a simple civilian case of ecto-contamination, nooo, he's got to have connections to the superheroes Danny has spent the better part of his afterlife avoiding—managed to pick up on, even being the low level entity that he is.

At which point he'd called Phantom in, even though Danny had spent the better part of two weeks trying to intimidate the guy into never contacting him, Ruler of the Spirit Realm (lightning crash!), again, but here is his calling card just in case (thunder and creaking noises!!), but again, you should never use it unless things are very serious, OoOoOoOo~~~

Damn it. It's been like 10 days.

"So how do we fix it, Your, uh, Ghostliness?" Nightwing says, ducking his head in a sort of half-assed supplication when Phantom turns to him. Nightwing glances at Jason for affirmation who shrugs out of the corner of Danny's eye.

"Phantom is fine," Danny says, waving his hand and letting his upper lip curl in an expression of distaste. "Remember, it's like you're Vlad when Dad offers him a glass of eight dollar wine!" Jazz's voice reminds him. Robin growls lowly, likely meaning he's nailing it. He looks away dismissively ("Honestly, it's like you're Vlad, anytime, ever." Sam notes dryly) and thanks god he doesn't have a heart in this form because it would be beating so loud right now.

Beside him, Jason scratches compulsively at the back of his neck. Huh, his anxiety is manifesting physically as an itch. Good to know.

"You can't fix it," Phantom says. "I can."

"At what cost?" Red Robin asks. "Red Hood mentioned you'd want something in return?"

Frick. His other contingency to keep Jason from ever contacting him again. Phantom had lightly hinted his taste du jour was, uh, souls.

Something Red Hood has apparently let slip, because now Robin shakes off Nightwing's hand, puffs out his chest and declares "I will trade myself for my father's safe awakening, Spirit!"

The other members burst into denials which almost covers up Danny floating sharply back and saying "What? No!!!"

Key word: almost.

Danny coughs as they stare at him.

"That is to say, I have no desire for a child," he puts a bit of snarl into it, showing fang. The mood in the room plummets drastically as Nightwing gently grabs Robin by the arm and pulls him back to his side.

"We see," he says. He steps forward more assertively, placing himself in front of the others, all of which are now eying him warily. "Then, is there a gender you prefer?"

It takes a second to click in Danny's head and then he swings his head wildly away from his audience to hide his reaction, nausea and embarrassment turning his face bright green. "Fika Kristo," he mutters in Esperanto as quietly as he possibly can, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He gives himself a moment to settle and game plan before turning back around. "I have no desire for any of you, and it matters not. In this instance, a deal need not be struck. Nocturne is my subject, and they have done this without my permission." Danny blinks, eyes widening. "Not—not! that I would give them permission to do such a thing. In the first place. Ahem."

"Okay...so you'll do this for free?" Jason asks. "Seems like a bad business practice since you also fixed me up for nothing—"

"What he means to say, Your Majesty, Phantom, is thank you!" Signal says in a rush as Nightwing starts, "Wait, Hood, what do you mean—"

"Enough!" Phantom says loudly (nearby bats take off and Jason's itch migrates to his forearms) "I have little time," read: he has a test tomorrow and he's only one-third of the way through the study guide "And I grow tired of this...dilly-dally." Frick! Is that an old-timey word?

"Of course. Thank you again, Phantom." Nightwing says stiffly, eyes still narrowed in Hood's direction.

"Wait, sorry, Phantom, Majesty, I'm Spoiler by the way," the purple-caped vigilante Danny already knew was Spoiler says. "How do we keep this from happening again? To any of us? Is there a way to defeat this Nocturne?"

"Moreover, why Batman?" Red Robin asks. "Why would a spirit from another dimension want him asleep?"

Phantom sighs. "Nocturne was trying to send a message. To me. Through you," he says, nodding at Red Hood. "They...how do I put this. They like attention. Being the spirit of uh, dreaming, they don't receive that attention. And you were in my realms for quite some time. And they wanted...attention."

The lackluster explanation sits for a moment before "They were jealous? Of me?" Red Hood asks skeptically.

"It's more complicated than that. Your...physiology," Danny puts it as delicately as possible, watching regretfully when Red Hood still stiffens at the mention, "Is particular. You gather attention in our realm. And having my attention is...special. But not!" He says to the group at large, a touch panicked, "Romantic!"

Jesus, he's never gonna hear the end of this from the others.

"Anyway, I will ensure it does not happen again."

"By paying them attention," Spoiler says under her breath, wiggling her eyebrows at Black Bat, Red Robin shooting them both a glare. Nightwing ignores them in favor of staring at Red Hood and Phantom. Danny is unsure what Red Hood has disclosed about how he knows Danny, but now he feels confident the answer is close to nothing.

Before Nightwing can ask whatever uncomfortable thing he's about to ask, Phantom disappears. Invisibly, he hovers over Batman's sleeping body and silently apologizes for the intrusion before intangibly slipping into Batman's REM realm and finding the man...oh...

Probably thirty minutes later he reappears to the group, who all perk up at the sight of him. Their eyes bounce from him to Batman; who does not move, to the monitor; which shows no change in his brain activity.

"I'm going to need your help," Danny says to Jason, getting to the point.

"Why? What can I do?"

"It's easier if you come with me," Danny says, grabbing his arm.

"Come with—"

Danny wastes no time in turning them both invisible and flying them into Batman's mind.

"What the—" Red Hood twists and turns, taking in the hallways of the manor. From afar, they can hear the tinkling of a piano. "You, I had your word—"

"This isn't where you think it is," Danny says hurriedly. "We're in your—Batman's dream." He walks quickly down the hallway, towards the music. Jason follows.

"What?"

"The way to break a dream spell is to wake the dreamer. You can't do that externally so you do it internally. Usually you wake the dreamer by turning the dream into the nightmare, scaring them awake."

The hallway stretches on longer than realistic, the dream attempting to divert them. But it can't outrun Danny. His power seeps into the halls, ice creeping along the paneling and freezing the way behind them.

"Batman, however, is hard to scare."

"So you want me to do it."

"What? No." Phantom shoots him a confused look. "Why would I—Ahem, The other way is to convince the dreamer they are dreaming. They break the dream themselves."

"Alright..." Jason says slowly, now keeping pace with him. His breath forms a cloud as he speaks. "And you think I'm the person to do it? I'm not the one he listens to you know, that's more Nightwing's schtick, or hell, anyone other than me."

"This isn't just Batman's dream, Jason," he says. Hood's eyes narrow at his real name, but now the truth is necessary. "This is The Dream. The perfect life. Everything he could ever want."

They're approaching an opening on the right side of the corridor. A bright light emanates from it, alongside the noise of stumbling piano keys and laughter, deep and male and unrecognizable. The Dream.

"Thomas Wayne," Jason breathes. "You want me to convince Bruce it's worth walking away from the center of his universe? It'd be easier if I put a bullet in their chests."

Danny stops abruptly before the doorway, turning to face Jason.

"You know, I fixed you," he says, head cocked. "Those feelings you felt, you shouldn't be feeling them anymore."

"I...I don't."

"Then why do you act like it?" He lets himself drift up, reaching beyond their planes of existence and extending a metaphysical hand to Jason's spirit. It shivers away. "You don't have to hide behind what was."

"I'm not hiding! And I don't have to explain myself to you!" He tries to move forward but Danny puts a hand out and he cannot move past it. He growls in frustration.

"I'm grateful to you, but with or without the Pits I'm fucked up. This is just who I am. This is just what he made me."

"You've never asked why I look like this. But did you know my form is malleable?" Phantom says, letting his legs shift into a tail, letting two eyes become three. "What I believe is what I am."

And then he takes several steps back, putting the doorway between them. "From here on out, the Pits can't tell you how to think or feel. Your decisions are wholly your own. Starting with this one."

Jason stares at the doorway, then Danny.

"I won't make you," Danny says simply. "And if you desire, I will retrieve Nightwing instead."

Jason scratches at his arms, grits his teeth, and stomps through. The light resolves into the sitting room, massive windows letting in sunlight so bright it streaks yellow-white across the room. Bruce sits on the maroon versailles couch next to Cassandra, who sits cross legged, excitedly watching Alfred pour her a cup of tea. To their right, in the open space, Damian barks instructions at Tim on handling a katana. Stephanie and Duke sit on the ground besides the coffee table, homework sheets sprawled across the surface, suffering their way through a calculus problem.

Bruce, smiling softly, looks across the room to where the atrocious playing is coming from. Red Hood follows his gaze.

Sitting at the piano, trying to play while Dick distracts him with a pair of chopsticks, is Jason. He puts a hand on Dick's face and shoves, both of them hitting the wrong keys.

"Get—away—dumbass!"

"No, see, it's a duet! Jay!"

"That's not why it's named—" and Jason Todd-Wayne tips his white-tipped head back and laughs.

[ninja-knox-ur-sox-off]

Some of my favourite Sonic Movie Marathon doodles

[skyblueartt]

William Afton becomes a youtuber

[hypnoticmoth]

Velvette is a doll and can turn her head 360° and while Valentino finds it funny, Vox finds it horrifying and disturbing. So of course she annoys the TV idiot with it every chance she has

[it-meant-nothing]

The actors: *are enthusiastic to be playing father and son 🤩🤩🤩

The writers:

[bunnieswithknives]

I feel bad for neglecting Hazel so much, I do have many thoughts about her.. and also a mermaid au that im probably not going to do anything with

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 293

Jason takes a deep breath. He takes a deep breath, in for ten seconds, out for eight, and just takes a minute before looking again. Nope, there’s still the strange quartet of orbs in the box of what should be stolen weapons (What, the government had enough, honestly) that gave his workers the heebie-jeebies. 

Which is not the vibe he gets from them. In fact, he’s actually kind of concerned with how much he has to beat the Pit back with how quickly it lurches to latch onto the… Well they’re not gems, and he’s a little wary about touching them at first, but the Pit does seem to settle when he does.

Alright, he can deal with this. It’s not like he has several heads in a duffel bag that needs to be delivered or a tiny assassin child back in his safehouse (Seriously Talia, why was he the preferred babysitter?) or an entire gang in Crime Alley to deal with. It’ll be fine. 

…

He would like to curse out his past self, because there’s now four babies in his safehouse that appeared to have fucking hatched from the orbs. Goddamnit. 

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[hey-hey-j]

lore dropping

(★ my Kofi)