#MJ is venting
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Elon Musk just now (for me) forcibly reverted all the Twitter urls to now read as "X". I really hope someone buys this site from him or the bank takes it from him. Sick of that hell site.
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I gotta be straight with y’all: in a story full of brutal maiming, unforgiving starvation, and scorched earth warfare, that R-i-i-i-p is probably the most real and painful thing to read for me. Every single time 😭 Being a dude, it’s a pain I also have the heavenly privilege of never knowing, which means it’s probably worse than I’m imagining 😬
It makes me feel even more for Katniss later on their Victory Tour. She’s absolutely fuming at the bullshit double standard of Peeta getting to sleep in AND keep his body hair while she has to be up early and stripped to the bone 😤 And she is so right for that. She even mentions how she actually liked the return of it 🥺 and they’re taking it away from her again 😠
This is why post-Mockingjay, I will accept nothing less than a Peeta Mellark who adores his furry-legged kitty. For one thing, he’s probably been checking out her legs since the sixth grade, hair and all. But more importantly, between now and the end of the story, he experiences probably the worst leg pain imaginable 😭 He sees no sense in being cruel to your legs, especially when you have the good fortune to still have two. He will kiss those hairy legs of hers every opportunity he gets. When Katniss speaks of them growing back together, there’s absolutely a literal component to it for me 🥰💚🧡
#boy do I not care for venia’s scoffing here too#thinking about her visiting everlark post-mj and begging katniss to let her tweeze her brows#but peeta standing in the background gives venia a death glare and low growl and she slowly puts her tweezers away#katniss is a real one for excusing the prep team and seeing the good in them#but I can’t agree with her that their complicity in the horror of the hunger games is excusable due to their ignorance#I’ll save my venting of the prep team for another day tho#thgreread2024#thg#the hunger games#everlark#katniss everdeen#peeta mellark
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I just informed my roommate that she has 4 months to find a new place to live. I feel terrible because she doesn't have a job and has no family to take her in. But I have been financially supporting her for nearly 2 years now. In rent alone I've covered $14,000 that should have been her share. I've been a doormat too long. This had to happen.
But even still I feel like a terrible person. Like I'm turning my back on her. Even if this needed to happen, I feel like an absolute cunt.
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relating a little too hard to aioon on this gloomy day
i’ve always been the ugly/boring cousin, i didn’t have siblings while growing up but my father has a baby girl now who’s obviously the favorite, i’m just the older loser daughter which caught me completely off guard akdjskdjs i was never really included in friend groups but that didn’t bother me all that much cuz i don’t like groups. i had a very fulfilling friendship for more than ten years tho and now we don’t talk anymore which hurts me daily but i can’t even blame the other person
so where does all that grief go? where do i put it? or should i just let it live in my house like a roommate?
but i know i also don’t make things easier. people try to include me in their circles sometimes yet i still feel like an outsider no matter where i go. no i don’t have kids, no i will NOT marry a man and women don’t want me so i’ll die alone, no i can’t keep a job anymore cuz i’m too depressed and my therapist thinks i’m a danger to myself. what’s that? oh you don’t believe i’m autistic? typical
and you know what, it’s fine. it’s all fine. except that i’m so touch starved, love starved, attention starved that sometimes i don’t even feel human. like i’m losing touch with humanity, with reality and then i feel so fucking empty
feeling emotions can be hella uncomfortable but nothing’s worse than just feeling completely empty. like a massive void, like i’m going to swallow myself and everything else around me at any given moment.
it feels so all consuming it scares me sometimes, the thought that maybe i’m doomed to only cause harm. but i don’t want to, i don’t want to be a bad presence in people’s lives but maybe i’ve always been
maybe that’s why i’m alone. it’s safer for everyone this way
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not doing too hot today, fellas! 😬👍
#kinda been feeling sad and overstimulated for the past 2 days#my oldest sisters are in town and i'm remembering why i don't talk to them one on one very often anymore#bc they talk to me like i'm an idiot and a nuisance and i can't do anything right around them#if they get mad at me for not staying downstairs with them tonight i might fucking snap#i don't even have the energy to distract myself and draw stuff rn this sucks#thank GOD my manager didn't schedule me for tuesday i'll actually have a day to recuperate after everyone leaves#mj rambles#tw vent
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on some. skwismag trutherism. but the fic doesn't have skwisgaar in it ooooh~
#dichromaticdyke.exe#fanfic#Metalocalypse#Magnus Hammersmith#Toki Wartooth#skwismag#<- it's IMPLIED but it's there#made by mj#bleh#adn yeah maybe this is another vent fic that i'm channeling with skwisgaar but he doesn't show up in the fic so :) character development#for ME
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dude this shit sucks
kinda venting/ranting under the cut tw for S/H and ana (i’m doing okay mentally i promise!!)
so i unofficially got diagnosed with borderline personality disorder (you have to be 18 to be diagnosed and i’m 17)
so a lot of the things i deal with come with BPD and it’s sucks that i’m feeling good and doing good in life but every fucking day i think about cvtt!ng myself and wanting to just not eat but i can’t do those things bc it’s not healthy and it ready only causes more guilt
i’m laying on bed rn with 8 bandaids over some scars i got from either picking or shaving bc if i see them i wanna cut
i hate this so much but it’s gonna be okay, it is what it is and im just trying to be okay
#shut the fuck up mj#cw sh#cw vent#tw vent#vent#tldr; i’m doing mentally okay just struggling with some thoughts
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He could've still been here.
And that's what hurts. The "could've" part.
The part where he could've seen his children grow into these respectful adults with pride, humbleness, and care.
The part where he could've watched his sons become immersed into film and his daughter pursue so many things.
The part where he would've absolutely made some banger songs for the people we've lost. A song for Black Lives Matter. A song for the school shootings that we've seen over the years. A song of him watching his children blossom. A song of him healing from all the trauma he experienced as a child and throughout his career.
It hurts knowing that Mike isn't here. I look at the eyes of his children and my heart breaks more. Not only because he isn't here but they remind me so much of him. When Paris smiles, I get goosebumps. When Prince speaks, I get goosebumps. When Bigi appears, I get goosebumps. They all have so many qualities about them that shout "Jackson" but they also allowed themselves to be more than their family name. That was something Michael was keen on.
I've always admired the strength they all carried but Michael and Paris always have blown me away. Michael was belittled, treated like a punching bag, dragged along the mud. Paris has been stalked, chased, followed, harrassed, just like Michael. But the strength they both have is admirable. And I'm a bit envious - not in that way but I wish I had the strength. No matter their challenges, they've pushed through and I think that's a big motivator for me tryign to better myself now. I struggle with many mental health conditions, I want to lose weight, and I just wanna become the best person (emotionally; physically; spiritually) but it's hard. But I relate to them both.
But thinking about Michael recently has brought about so many things. I wonder if he knows that I exist. I became a fan after his passing but I did listen to his music beforehand. I was just a kid, though. I became a fan in 2012 - admired his music before then. I've admired his dance and songs forever. I still remember when he passed and it instantly saddened me. I've been a fan of Michael for half of my life and I just hope he knows about all of the new fans he's made since his passing. I hope he knows that I exist. I hope he knows that I will never stop defending him. I hope he knows - from Heaven. But I secretly know that it'll always feel like he'll never know about me - that I will only know him. I believe I recently stumbled upon many other fans that felt this way -- maybe it was on Discord, Tumblr, a MJJ forumsite, etc.. I'll have to check through my bookmarks and screenshots. I hope he's watching over me and that he'll visit me in my dreams. I miss him dearly.
#michael jackson#michael jackson fan#mjj#mjj forever#mjj fan#mjj innocent#king of pop#michael jackson innocent#mjjforever#moonwalker#michael joseph jackson#michael joe jackson#paris jackson#prince jackson#jackson family#vent post#i miss you michael#i miss michael#come back mj
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god does it count as putting yourself first if you somehow manage to offend someone while people pleasing
#sadist era#idfk#it'll wear off soon i just can't do this anymore#being like Mj is harder than expected i wonder who she turns to#time to write another email draft to her that i wouldn't send to save my life!#vent#actually autistic#people pleaser#ive gone back to this again#late night thoughts
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>tumblr doing a dumb thing where the link of the blog name no longer is for the post but for the blog instead
i’m just fucking tired of this dumb site
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shout out to people who have no creative juices because they’re in a bad situation
shout out to people who want to create but have to save all their energy for coping
shout out to people who need to create to survive but can’t create when they’re in survival mode
i see you and i love you
it will get better
#idk if i should tag this as#vent#about writing#about drawing#i miss writing man i miss drawing#i miss posting my creations and interacting with people who like my stuff#it’s just so hard rn. not going to get into what my situation is rn but it’s not great#i feel like i’m sinking further away from being able to create the longer this goes on#but i have to wait it out. i have to wait. i have to survive. it will get better#mj rambles
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The way I can feel all the wind slowly pissing out of my sails as AI gets more and more engrained into social media platforms and how opting OUT of this shit is getting harder if not impossible
I've been saying it for years now, but fuck you Instagram. 1,470 posts across 3 accounts and lord fucking knows how many stories that you're scraping for your shitty AI model and you're giving me NO choice in the matter. Tumblr needing you to click a button to opt out of third party sharing was one thing, but you hiding an opt out REQUEST under a LINK under a specific SECTION of your PRIVACY POLICY under the ABOUT section of SETTINGS that doesn't even work in the US and Australia (and is reportedly being taken away in other countries) is fucking abysmal.
I don't know what to do. Almost 1.5k posts to too many to archive or delete, and they've probably already been scraped anyway. There's no Nightshade for mobile and Glaze has convoluted work-arounds. I don't want to stop creating. I don't want to stop sharing what I create. But if my creations are going to be STOLEN to create shitty little mimcries, what the fuck am I still even on your dumb shit app for anymore? You don't respect me or what I do. Is there even a point to sharing art on the internet anymore? When it's going to be inevitably stolen and exploited while I can do nothing to stop it? Can't even fight back because I can't Nightshade (at all) or (easily) Glaze traditional art?
And not even just my art. Pictures of me, castmates from high school, my friends, my family, my cats, videos I've recorded with them, concerts videos that I'm still actively posting on my irl account. You want to steal my LIKENESS, the likeness of people I care about. You want to strip away every grain of personality and humanity in the world until there's nothing left but your soulless impersonations. In the name of fucking what? I don't even know.
Fuck I wanna cry
#mj says shit#fuck ai art#didnt think id ever vent on tumblr but im just so...#tired#i dont know if ill have the motivation to post anything once i finish with the anniversary stuff#i can feel it.. i can feel the hopelessness setting it.. the depressive spiral#i might actually start crying shit
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it’s just so frustrating when you’re autistic in a severe burnout that’s been going on for years and you need crazy amounts of support to even complete basic daily tasks and it’s progressively getting worse, you’re literally watching yourself fade away in slow motion
but then you’re also in your 30s and you have no one to ask for help, everyone else is busy with their lives and if you say you can’t clean the house, let alone get out of the bed in the morning they’ll just call you lazy
so you keep doing the best you can by yourself but that’s not enough and you know this will probably have terrible everlasting consequences and you spend most of your time feeling like an utter failure and wishing you weren’t here
but there’s nowhere else to go, no one to run to. you’re fighting this invisible war on your own and everyone else keeps acting like everything’s fine so you start thinking that maybe you’re just overreacting, that maybe it’s not that bad, you are, in fact, just lazy like they all said
but then you get diagnosed with multiple disorders and mental illnesses due to untreated autism and for living without support your whole life and your doctor tells you that your pain is very fucking visible from outer space
and suddenly you realize that no, you weren’t making things up, everyone else just didn’t see it, they don’t care enough to see it and they’re so very lucky because they can ignore the issue while you can’t
so once again you’re confronted with that unbearable loneliness that settles deep inside your bones and makes you feel agonizingly cold and alone
because you are. and no one’s coming to help you so you just sit with your pain and wait for the end
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i feel like kuroba would be one of those people that others open up to fairly easily since they're ( for most part ) pretty open-minded and a good listener. it's a blessing and a curse because they do like being able to be a shoulder to lean for the people they care about... but then they'll also have people randomly drop very personal information on them in conversation, ( this happens sometimes with customers at the floral shop. tis the customer service curse. )
this ends up leading to both todomatsu and atsushi venting to kuroba about the fucked situationship they're in with each other. they know way more information about those two's weird 5d chess games than they ever wanted to know.
#sorry the atsutodo situationship is on my mind rn i'm kinda spiraling a bit#atsushi venting to kuroba is 100 times funnier when you factor in the fact they can't fucking stand him#( what happened at the reunion put him squarely on their shit list )#i wanna ramble more but i need to get back to work 😭#mj ocs#oc : kuroba#mj rambles
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When someone constantly interrupts you when you're trying to tell them something and then gets mad that you never told them about the thing.
Like bitch
I tried.
Many times
You deemed the weird looking zit on your back more important.
#mj rambles#ffs#some of you know who im talking about too#its someone i know irl and vent about a ton
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bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs head against wall bangs-
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