#MDD Records

[doomedandstoned]

PATRIARCHS IN BLACK Capture Lightning in a Bottle with ‘My Veneration’

~Review by Tom Hanno~

Today, PATRIARCHS IN BLACK releases their sophomore album, 'My Veneration' (2023), via MDD Records. For those of you who don't remember, Patriarchs In Black is the project spearheaded by guitarist Dan Lorenzo (Hades, Non-Fiction, Vessel of Light, Cassius King) and drummer Johnny Kelly (Type O Negative, Danzig, A Pale Horse Named Death, Kill Devil Hill, etc).

The band recruited a phenomenal roster of singers, who each do a song and sometimes more than one. For My Veneration they assembled an even more diverse group than they did for their initial outing, Reach For The Scars (review), and we're here to talk about what they accomplished for their return.

"Dead or Dying" by Patriarchs In Black

The album opens up with "Dead Or Dying," a track that features the vocal stylings of Karl Agell (ex-Corrosion Of Conformity) and the bass playing of Dave Neabore. As expected, this song is the perfect way to kick off the album.

I've always loved what Karl does vocally, and he doesn't disappoint here. The music is influenced by the Doom and Stoner genres, and the rhythm section underneath is rock solid. I challenge you to not move for the duration of the song, but I'll tell you now that the power of the groove will make that impossible to achieve.

"Veneration" by Patriarchs In Black

The first single was "Veneration," which features Mark Sunshine (Unida) on vocals, as well as the rhyming of the one and only D.M.C., otherwise known as Darryl McDaniels of hip-hop legends, Run D.M.C. Also featured is Emma Smoler, who contributed some beautiful violin work.

The song itself has touches of Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, and a ton of groove; particularly during the sections where D.M.C takes over. The vocals of Mark Sunshine are incredible, as he conjured up a serious Robert Plant vibe, and then mixed it with pieces of the Grunge era. Overall, this track is one of the best on the album.

"Non-Defectum" by Patriarchs In Black

"Non-Defectum" is immediately after "Veneration," and continues the groove factor while also having a bit of a hip hop flow during the verse sections.

Kelly Abe contributed a diverse vocal performance, and it is one of the highlights of this album in my opinion. As always, Dan puts in the perfect guitar parts, while Johnny and Eric J. Morgan (bass) hold everything together by using their talents to full effect.

"Lust For Lies" by Patriarchs In Black

"Lust For Lies" is another track that I gravitated towards, and it features vocalist Rob Traynor and Johnny Araya on bass, and yes, he's the brother of Slayer's Tom Araya.

There is a literal ton of Black Sabbath influence throughout this song, and that is mostly thanks to what Dan does on guitar; he pulls out the perfect blend of Doom Metal and groove. The vocals are fairly diverse, which helps add another layer to this killer tune.

Other standout tracks include "My Veneration," "Crooked Smile," and a cover of Black Sabbath's "Hole In The Sky."

The album is only two days away from release as of this writing, so go to Bandcamp and check out the single of "Veneration" and prepare yourselves for the full album. Enjoy!

My Veneration by Patriarchs In Black

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[thenwothm]

INTERVIEW: FATAL FIRE (GERMANY)

We are joined by Germany’s Fatal Fire for this exclusive interview, where we dive into the background of the band and chat about their debut album, “Arson!” TheNwothm: Hey there Fatal Fire! Can you first of all introduce each band member and where you are from? Tim: Svenja is our vocalist. She thought for almost all her life that she couldn’t sing until she really tried to sing seriously, haha.…

[skinnypaleangryperson]

Some people are living the lesser version of their dreams but they're still living their dreams, some people are as good as dead. I'm the last one.

[byakuyasdarling]

can’t deal with the fact people glorify anxiety,,, like yes the disorder that literally keeps me from normal functioning and is detrimental to my physical and mental health is so cutesy and so easy to live with and I can totally sleep at night and I don’t get massively painful ulcer flare-ups when I’m stressed (it is literally debilitating) panic attacks are quirky! /s

I don’t have repetitive thought cycles that make me constantly worry and exhaust me throughout the day from a whole other disorder that’s exasperated by my anxiety! It’s so pleasant in both of these ways! I love when people think me flapping my hands is so cutesy when it’s totally not a sign of distress for the most part /SARCASM

I have no clue why anyone would want to fake something I am so desperate to get rid of. Like this is not fun — especially when so many people close to me in my life atm have this strong image of me that I hate living up to.

Though I will say that most likely, even people who fake disorders do have something bad going on and is symptomatic of broader issues (there’s literally a term for this, I forgot) — so I’m not going to go haywire at confused and hurting children. Though their actions are ignorant and can romanticise what living with these things is actually like and diminish other people’s struggles — I’m fairly sure they’re too young and confused to properly process that and I doubt it’s malicious the majority of the time. You’re just going to further push them into boxes by harassing them.

[narcfyodor]

Hi! Hello!

I've been on here for a while and even tho I rarely post and mostly reblog I decided to make a introduction as I plan on becoming more active!

Reblog / like to be moots :3

My name is 731

I am bodily 16 - 17, don't be weird, you'll be blocked.

I love my fiancé over everything mwwwah!

I am biracial, black and white and my identity is heavily tied to the fact that I am mixed black.

I want to focus this blog on mental health related stuff! Mostly educational with a bit of fun in-between!

This is a safe place for anyone with any kind of disorder. Please note that this blog is pro recovery.

I have NPD, BPD, ADHD, DID, C-PTSD, MDD aswell as ASPD traits. There's more but I'll leave it out for now.

I am professionally diagnosed with NPD, BPD, ADHD, and MDD. I am medically recognized with C-PTSD and ASPD traits. I am self diagnosed with DID, yet I'm working on getting it medically recognized/diagnosed! All of this is of right now, January 2025. If it isn't already obvious I support self diagnosing but only after a lot of research.

I love getting questions about my disorders and how they work with each other so please if you have a question go ahead and send an ask!

MOOT ME IF

You're a narcissist, a antisocial, have a personality disorder, a poc, non human, otherkin, fiction kin, yume/self ship, respectful person looking to educate yourself on npd/aspd/bpd/adhd/DID etc.

All of this especially if you're around my age!

DNI

For the record, I don't really care who follows me. If I don't fw I just won't follow you back. Reasons I might not fw you are:

anti LGBTQ+, racist, narc/aspd/etc. abuse believer, transID, endos/non traumagenic system + supporter, actively anti recovery, pro pro contact para, demonizes or romanticizes any mental illness (including, but not limited to, para disorders, disorders on the schizophrenic spectrum, bpd)

TAGS

#Ask 731 - asks I've answered

#Silly 731 - just silly things. May be a bit rant-ish but always with the spirit of being silly

#731's awesome moots - anything to do with my awesome moots! Can be simple interactions, appreciation and so on.

[dreamscapesofimagination]

I Can't Stop You From Running

Reminder: Chapter 1 of "The Good, The Bad, The Dirty" is out on Wattpad today! It is a detroit:become human fanfiction with Connor x human reader. You don't really need to know the game to check it out, please just give it a chance, DBH is my FAVORITE game of all time and I adore connor! was listening to Save My Soul by Jonah Kagen while writing this! I've been very busy and have also bren struggling mentally. I'm fine, I've had MDD and panic disorder for years and have a great support system, great meds, and have learned to handle them well. Due to the election results and now the inauguration I spiraled a bit and so all my extra energy went into getting myself back on track. Hoping to post more frequently!

Inspired by: the hands that cradled your face and tilted it upwards to kiss your forehead are soaked in unfathomable quantities of blood.

I don't know where the original is from, but it inspired me as I imagine even when displaying softness Alan can't help but think of what he's done.

--------------

You weren't sure why you had done it.

Your finger had clicked the 'call' button before your brain had slowed down enough to process what you were doing.

The images from your dream- your nightmare- rushed through your head, a kicked dog chasing its own tail again. And again. And again.

The ringing only caused your heart to hammer faster, and you quickly hit the end button.

Stupid, of course he wouldn't answer. It was two am, he was sleeping.

Your eyes focused on the shadows dancing through the window. Sleep was far from your mind, closer to an anxiety attack than sweet dreams.

What would they do when you became a Kyklos? Would they imprison you, study you? You figured Yuri would have few qualms about it, your only comfort being that Jiro seemed to like you enough to care.

And how would they react? Would they mourn? Would they move on, chalk you up as another casualty to be recorded as a statistic, lumped in with all the others studied in Anomalous Epidemiology?

A spike of cold fear stabbed through you as your phone rang.

You scrambled, grabbing it and answering.

"Hello?" Breath rushed from your body at the sound of Alan's voice.

"Hi, um. Sorry if I woke you, I just..." you squeezed your eyes shut in embarrassment, "I had a bad dream and uh. I just... needed to hear someone's voice."

A beat of silence had a whole new type of anxiety clawing up your throat. What the fuck were you doing?

"I was up anyway, couldn't sleep..." Alan's voice trailed off for a moment as if he were searching for something to say.

"I'm doing some paperwork. If you want you could come here?" his voice peaked in uncertaintly.

You found yourself nodding, though he couldn't see you.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that."

And so a routine was set. When you had a nightmare, you would call Alan. You discovered he seemed to sleep very little. He was doing paperwork, working out, working on a car, or watching old movies when you called.

He never pressed. Never asked you to tell him what terrors were haunting your sleep. Just quietly accepted your presence, allowed you the space to feel better. Before you knew it, you started falling asleep curled up on an old chair he had in his room.

He never pressed, never touched you. His presence was quiet, reliable- safe.

This night you were sat beside him as some old american movie played on the screen before you.

Tonight it was harder to shake the dread that had woken you.

You could sense the concern from all around you. You could see the paleness to your face, the dark circles beneath your eyes, the bitten cuticles, limp hair. Anyone who saw you would know you hadn't been sleeping much.

You worried the skin of your lower lip, gaze going through the television and beyond.

Alan could tell you were not there beside him.

"I get them too."

His voice was like a lighthouse, leading you safely from the storm of your thoughts, back to the safe harbour that was the space beside him.

You blinked at him, "what?"

He glanced at you before turning his gaze back to the tv.

"Nightmares. Most nights they wake me up. Hard to sleep when I know that I'll have one."

Your eyes dropped to your hands. Silence lapsed.

And then-

"I think I'm seeing what's going to happen to me."

Alan turned his head to watch you carefully.

"What do you mean?"

"I feel myself change in the dreams. I feel the most unimaginable pain, and before I know it I'm no longer in control of myself. It's like-" your voice cracked, tears falling before you had realized they had gathered in your eyes, "-it's like my soul is paralyzed, like my body was hijacked. I see the people I care about staring, screaming. And then I see their corpses. And I know, I know that I did it. I killed them."

Your chest heaved a sob as Alan stared at you.

And then you felt him shift.

He tentatively pulled you toward himself, wrapping you up in his arms, body stiff against you as if he was unsure what he was doing.

You gripped his shirt. allowing yourself to break apart. Weeks of little sleep and intense fear had made you fragile, and here you were, falling to pieces.

Feeling safe to do so because you knew Alan was there, and Alan was good at fixing things. He would piece you together again.

He held you as you cried. He never said it would be okay. He didn't speak.

After that night, much of your time was spent at Vagastrom. Other students noticed that something was different between you and the captain. Whispers sprang up, and try as you might, it was hard to deny that the air between you was different. Despite the way you both spent much of the night together, and how once quiet comraderie had become quiet talks about anything and everything (though you both avoided bringing up your nightmares again)- you would not admit how you felt, too afraid to lose the fragile friendship you had built, to scare Alan away.

You had gotten pretty good at ignoring the way your heart hammered everytime you saw Alan, as if it were trying to break free from your chest and fly to his hands, knowing it would be safe with him. Knowing it was his.

There wasn't enough time for that, anyway. The way things were going, your curse would not be lifted. Getting all of the ghouls to cooperate was akin to herding cats- though even that would be easier given the intelligence of the campus cats.

It was hard to blame them. They each had their own pasts, and had their own ambitions. You found it odd that your fate had been placed in their hands anyway- were the faculty incapable of figuring this out? More and more you expected that saving you was not the goal of Darkwick, as if they had a vested interest in you becoming a Kyklos.

You turned to your side, trying to force the thought from your mind.

Tonight, Alan had to go on a mission. You had been assigned to assist Yuri in an experiment- which had turned into Yuri ordering you and Jiro to collect some specimen from Jabberwock (much to the dismay of Haru, though he seemed a bit happier when Jiro mentioned that they just needed a blood sample, and had no intention of harming the creature). By the end of the day you were tired, irate, and thinking about how much you would like to wring Yuri's neck. You had looked forward to crawling into bed and sleeping, nightmares be damned.

And yet, sleep would not come.

Your fingers twiddled at a loose string on your blanket as you stared into the room, begging your brain to shut down for the night.

Groaning, you sat up, accepting that you were unlikely to sleep for the forseable future. You padded down the stairs, deciding that maybe a cup of tea would help your mind quiet.

Your eyes stared listlessly at the electric kettle as it boiled.

A knock at the door broke your disassociation, a startled yelp leaving your lips before your heart settled.

With quiet steps you krept to the door, opening it and gasping as you took in the ghoul before you.

Alan was disheveled, and covered in blood. Blood that you assumed was not his due to the lack of any major visible wounds.

He stared at you for a moment, jaw working as if he were trying to say something, eyes wide like a frightened animal.

Your hand grasped his, feeling the blood stain as you pulled him inside.

He put up no resistance, seeming to deflate once he crossed the threshold.

Wordlessly, you led him to the bathroom. You unbuttoned his vest, tossing the stained article into the tub before doing the same with his shirt.

You turned the sink on, wetting a cloth once it was warm and beginning to run it over his bloodied knuckles.

All the while, Alan watched. Your only sign that he was coming back to himself was the slowing of his breaths.

And finally, "I don't deserve you."

It was quiet, as if to himself.

You paused, watching him carefully, holding still as if he would dart at any moment, sink into himself and draw away from you.

His eyes finally rose to you, meeting your gaze with his own, empty devastation behind lifeless amber eyes.

"I'm... I'm not good," he choked out, staring at you, unblinking.

"All I can do is hurt," Alan shifted to move away from you, pull his hands away.

You tightened your grip, and the ghoul froze, as if he didn't have the strength to pull away.

Showing you how little he actually wanted to leave.

It was the first time you had seen Alan look so fragile, as if he would crumble at the slightest brush of wind. Fall apart at your voice.

"Alan," your voice was gentle, carefully drawing him back, back to you, away from the doubts that plagued him.

"You are the one who comforted me every night, who never expected me to be okay or to talk about what's going on," your hands moved to cradle his face, thumbs trailing over his cheekbones.

His eyes fluttered closed, savoring your touch.

"I-" before Alan could speak, you brushed your lips against his, effectively stealing his breath as his eyes flew open, staring at you.

And then he surged forward, pressing his lips to yours in a desperate kiss.

You felt dampness on your cheeks. unsure if it was from your tears or his.

There you sat, clinging to one another as if you'd drift apart otherwise, lost in the space of infinite loneliness.

[pixelchills]

Okay so, I've been discussing this thing for the future of 'My dear Daffodil' on my second twitter account for a couple of weeks now, and I'd like to hear all of my readers thoughts on it now :>

Tldr at the end.

MDD = My Dear Daffodil

ANSSW = A Not so Sunny World (both, the main story and the prequel)

So, for the record: MDD was never fully planned the way A Not so Sunny World was. I have constructed the story arcs, dramas, character deaths and relationships way before I even started writing ANSSW. Even though some small changes were made, most of it stayed the same according to my original plan.

However, since MDD is an alternative universe mostly created in the means of humour, domesticity and non-zombie related drama, and especially to include Solar in the universe where he would be loved and given the place to heal, rather than being send to the death row.

So the question I've had hanging around has been mostly about Sun and Solar, and the fact they're going to spend 9 years together before the locations merge. What would you think their relationship will become once Moon joins in and eventually starts dating Sun?

In ANSSW, the couple of encounters Sunrise had with Solar gave Solar a very "forced brotherhood" -vibe, where Solar would insists Sun being his little brother due to the fact Dr Weston was their supervising doctor. Sun always said no, he was not his brother, he had no siblings, and was shown to be very uncomfortable around Solar and his weird fixation on familyhood with someone he had only seen once.

Now, in MDD universe, Sunrise was created to complement Solar's personality, and fix the problems and mistakes Dr Weston had made with Solar. Due to this, Sunrise is technically "made for Solar" just like Solar himself seemed to think about it.

So this is where things get tricky; a seemingly lot of people wish to Solar have a second chance in love. And in this universe, it could work in many ways. But since the story is still mostly focused on Sun's POV, I am interested to hear what do you think could happen in this universe?

The nine years Solar and Sun are gonna spend together will not change no matter which approach I take with their relationship later. Solar is gonna take Sun under his wing a bit too literally and cause the similar "innocence" stay with Sun until the Megaplex arc by babying him and channelling the 'caretaker code' solely towards Sun.

But after Sun and Moon meet again and start their relationship, there is a chance to let Solar join them in a polycule.

Again, this is why I need to know it this early, so I know which way I will write Solar's feelings towards Sun;

Is he gonna take the role as a forced big brother like he seemingly teased Sun in ANSSW, or,

Is he gonna try to protect Sun from love despite thinking Sun was "created for him" and surpressing his own growing feelings for years just because he doesn't want either of them to get hurt?

If the story would go with the latter, Solar would still take some time to join Sun and Moon in a polycule if that's what you're up to. There's a possibility to make them form a throuple, where everyone ia dating everyone, or a simple V polycule where Moon is dating both Solar and Sun but Sun and Solar are not dating each other.

The main reason why I am asking this is because now that I think about it, Sun and Moon dating while Solar just watches them as a third wheel feels a bit cruel, since his own love ended so poorly and literally destroyed him.

So that's why I'd love to hear your opinions this. Which way would you be interested to see the story go?

I do not want to cause confusion, and I originally planned to keep the 'Solar and Sun are brothers' -thing as something that would make Sun feel uncomfortable and forcedbly too close to Solar in Sun's mind, but since MDD is set a bit differently I wouldn't mind taking another approach to their relationship.

But I will not write brothers to lovers sort of thing because that's just a big no. I do not write or draw or support incest or incest ships at all.

So... Your thoughts? Would you want Solar to end up with Sun and Moon (or only with Moon) in a polycule (after he learns to shower again), or should he stay loveless in the means of romantic love?

In any case I'm gonna keep Sun and Solar's relatioship as co-workers and friends instead of the siblinghood in this story, because it was sort of my idea all together after I came up with the 'Sunrise was created to complement Solar' thing.

Sorry for the long ramble, I have a lot of thoughts I need to get out of my head but I do not want to confuse people or make anyone think I support incest, by writing Sun and Solar as brothers and then as lovers. Solar's first thought of Sun was that he was his girlfriend/boyfriend in MDD (and it was supposed to be like that in ANSSW too, but since Solar was sure about his own upcoming death I don't think he would think that Dr Weston created him a partner so...)

Please tell me your opinions, or any sort of discussion in comments, reblogs or to my ask box or DMs.

As I said, MDD was never planned the way ANSSW was, so there's a lot of plotholes and storylines I need to decide on, and I do like to think of them early enough before writing so the story connects and flows from the beginning to the very end somewhat flawlessly :>

TLDR; Should I write Solar as a later lover to Sun and Moon instead of a 'big brother' -figure in MDD?

[train-wreck-of-thought]

Continue below if you'd rather not read it on Medium.

It's frustrating how many people will stop taking you seriously if you call yourself neurodivergent. It's a genuinely useful term--especially in my case.

I'm a thirty year old man with a long, complicated diagnostic history. If you'll indulge me, I'd like to go over some of it (though if you'd rather take me at my word, feel free to skip down to the last paragraph).

At age six, I was diagnosed with ADHD. Three years later, this diagnosis was affirmed.

A year after that, however, a neuropsychologist disputed this diagnosis. He further shot down my parents' suspicions that I was autistic.

It seems someone--and to this day, it's unclear who--thought otherwise, because a diagnosis of autism somehow found its way into my records. At the age of twenty, a psychological evaluation affirmed this diagnosis. The psychologist further noted that I showed several symptoms of ADHD but thought they could be accounted for by the diagnosis of autism. Finally, she diagnosed me with "major depressive disorder, recurrent, sever with psychotic features."

Seven years later, another psychological evaluation disputed the diagnoses of autism and ADHD, only affirming the diagnosis of MDD (albeit moderate rather than severe and without mention of psychotic features). The evaluation noted attention issues but attributed them to depression and anxiety. The evaluation further noted a level of social discomfort but attributed that to social anxiety disorder rather than autism.

My psychiatrist at the time, meanwhile, suggested I suffered from CPTSD. I called up a trauma therapy practice, and the practitioner I spoke to agreed that there were "multiple complex layers of trauma." I was eventually set up with a trauma therapist in training, and she seemed to think I did indeed suffer from CPTSD.

A year after the second psychological evaluation, I was hospitalized. The diagnosis at discharge was listed as schizophrenia. The diagnosis was a bit bewildering to both me and the councilor-in-training I was seeing, and to be honest, I thought they might've just put that down so they could put me on expensive antipsychotics (and it wouldn't be the first time something like that happened, but that's another story).

Then again, maybe they were onto something, because the psychiatrist I'm currently seeing diagnosed me with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type. Personally, I think that's a bit extreme--I could see bipolar II with psychotic features, maybe--but I'm not the expert. As if for good measure, she also said I might be autistic after all.

If you can believe it, that's not quite everything--that's just the tidiest I could make it--but the point is that my diagnostic history is a mess. Everything I've been diagnosed with has been disputed--whether explicitly (as with autism and ADHD) or implicitly (as with MDD and schizoaffective disorder being diagnostically exclusive with one another).

I have a feeling people reading this might raise an eyebrow at how much time I've spent on all the conditions I may or may not have, and in a sense, that's the point. I wish we lived in a world where, instead of explaining all that, I could just say I'm neurodivergent, but there are so many people who'd read that word and assume I don't actually a psychiatric condition--and meanwhile, professionals seem to think I have all of them.

[airteacher]

If elements were more lineage based and not stuck 1:1 per parent what element would you hc the air kids as having. (Assuming Pema is a non bending daughter of at least one earthbender)

//Personally, I've always imagined Pemzin's kids as having the potential to be Airbenders (bc of Aang being of Air Nomad decent), Waterbenders (bc of Katara being of Water Tribe decent) and Earthbenders (bc of Pema being of Earth Kingdom decent). If one of Pema's parents were from Fire Nation decent, then I'd include that as well.

But I imagine it not extending past grandparents, because the creators specifically say it's not about bloodlines, but rather a spiritual connection, with each culture providing a different spiritual vantage point. So, while I do believe in some genetics having to do with ethnic grouping, I still think grooming is an important factor. By fostering the Air Nomad side of their heritage, they are more likely to develop into Airbenders than any other element.

With this in mind we know of three canon aspects that attribute to being able to bend: ethnic grouping/cultural upbringing (decides which element you're predisposed to developing), spiritual connection (how likely you'll be a bender), and a physical aspect having to do with blood flow and chi channels in/around the brain (an on-and-off switch basically).

Here's a snippet of an interview Bryke did for avatarspirit.net (the main online community for atla/lok content before tumblr arrived) that supports this. This is from April 2007. I've bolded the text I found most relevant.

RM: Okay, next I know I'm going really left brained and you can call me a geek because I am, but in "The Fortuneteller" you have a pair of twins...kids...one is an earthbender and one isn't. So is bending genetic, or is it some sort of spiritual thing? How does it work? BK: Mike and I just got new puppies. They're brothers. They have the same mother and father. Same litter. Mike's dog can just sit in a crate and be happy as a clam. My dog just loses all control...everything. Who knows why these things happen? They're beyond our full understanding. MDD: Yeah, Katara's mom and dad weren't benders. Maybe it's a recessive gene. I've always seen it as more spiritual connections, though. A little bit mysterious... BK: I mean we've definitely talked about it. I think, again, sometimes we might not know...it's more of what we don't want it to be. We didn't want it to be like there is a lineage...a royal family or something...and these people can bend and then there's everyone else as non-bending, people who never will. Some sort of caste system. Mike and I are more attracted to more of the flux type universe. The only constant is change, variation, that sorta thing. I'm sure it's a bunch of factors. ***Interviewers note: About 20 mins after the interview, Bryan came back to me and we spoke a little more about the basis of bending off recorder. He described bending as more of a talent. You have some genetic basis for potential, but you could go your whole life without developing the talent into ability. Some people have more inherent talent than others, while others with minimal inherent talent can still develop it through hard work and practice. He reiterated a connection to the spiritual energies is the underlying basis. How it manifests is based on upbringing and experience. RM: So could Teo's people perhaps grow into the airbenders of the future? BK: I think Teo's people are more refugees. They probably came together because they're not benders and really had no way to defend themselves. Then fell under this nutty guy who has his own skill and aura of authority. I don't think it's an ethnic group of non-benders, rather they were all just escaping the disasters of war. MDD: Yeah, I think if you've gone through puberty and not found any bending abilities, you're probably not going to find them. I think it manifests early. BK: Although that would make a pretty outrageous story. Some 80 year old guy... MDD: "Wow, I never knew!" BK: ...fire starts shooting out... RM: I was just curious if the airbenders could just come back from the general population rather than necessarily having to come back through Aang or anyone else who came from the airbending lineage. MDD: Aang is the last Airbender, so I don't think it's possible for Airbending to spontaneously develop in the general population. RM: It seems like all the Air Nomads were benders. Did they exile everyone who didn't manifest the trait, or did they really have such a high percentage of born benders? BK: We always have liked the idea of who will be a bender and who won't be to be kind of an ambiguous mystery, even to the people in the Avatar world. From early on we thought the Air Nomads would be all benders. Again it's like Mike was saying, it's more of a spiritual connection. But they have...they had...the smallest population. Earth Kingdom has the biggest population but the smallest percentage of benders. So yeah, there were these notions we kicked around that is wasn't going to be regimented or ruled through specific lineages. We liked the idea that each of the cultures have a different spiritual vantage point...coming at it from a different angle. MDD: Then the Air Nomads would have been the most spiritual...the most connected to the spiritual energy of the Earth. BK: But the most detached from society. More monastic.

[metalcultbrigade]

Esta es el épico artwork para el nuevo disco de los españoles "VHÄLDEMAR" titulado como “Sanctuary Of Death”, siendo este el séptimo larga duración en su recomendada discografía, será estrenado el 09 de mayo del 2024 a través del sello MDD Records con 11 tracks.

PRE-ORDENA DESDE YA EN:

https://mdd-shop.de/VHAELDEMAR-Sanctuary-Of-Death-CD/SW10108

"11 temas nuevos que deberían hacer latir más rápido el corazón de todo fanático del Heavy Melódico y del Power Metal! El quinteto lleva en alto la tradicional bandera del metal desde finales de los 90 y está inspirando a un creciente número de seguidores fuera de España con sus pegadizas melodías y auténticos himnos. Al igual que sus predecesores, el álbum fue grabado y producido en Chromaticity Studios por el guitarrista y productor Pedro J.Monge y el arte también se basa en la tradición y una vez más pudo hacerlo Darkgrove, quien también creó el arte para Manowar, Testament, Battle. Bestia y otros creados, ganan. ¡“Sanctuary Of Death” es sin duda uno de los momentos más destacados del heavy/power metal del año!"

PRIMER SENCILLO RECIÉN ESTRENADO:

https://youtu.be/OeI3GH8j9Mw

TRACKLIST:

1. Devil's Child

2. Dreambreaker

3. Deathwalker

4. Sanctuary of Death

5. Forevermore

6. Heavy Metal

7. Old King's Visions (Part VII)

8. Journey to the Unknown

9. Brothers

10. The Rebel's Law

11. The Last Flame

SOCIAL MEDIA:

• VhäldemarOficial

• IG: @vhaldemaroficial

• http://www.vhaldemar.net/

• https://twitter.com/InfoVhaldemar

• http://www.youtube.com/user/VhaldemarOficial

#spainpower #heavypower #vhaldemar #powermetal00 #newalbums2024

[vtforpedro]

update- TWs in tags

Thank you all very much for your replies to my last post. I’ve had zero energy this past week and yesterday was a very hard day. Got my decision in the mail and wow, they sure are long. It’s not good, folks!!! Not good at all. This guy is an SSA shill and I’m flabbergasted. Hopefully my attorney gets back to me next week asap because not only do I have grounds for an appeal, I believe I’ve been denied my rights by law. Some highlights from his decision. They’re very painful to read and my case manager way back in November of 2021 said that they love to tell people they’re disabled but here’s why you can work. Basically what this dude did but I’m seriously confused and angry. I think it also speaks to the type of person and biases he has. -I meet the disability insurance thing, as in he considers my record to start back in October 2015, which is how my attorney laid it out. And it’s true because that’s the last time I was able to work. -I am severely limited and cannot perform the work I once did. The work I once did was, uh, retail/customer service, and a ‘stay at home’ job if you will by being a caregiver to a veteran (my ex). -My disabilities as the SSA listed them: chiari malformation, leukemia, major depressive disorder recurrent, severe, PTSD w/dissociative affects, headache, s1 radiculopathy (nerve damage), and idiopathic intracranial hypertension (IIH, my number one enemy) -Chiari and leukemia aren’t considered disabilities, which I knew they wouldn’t be. I’m in remission and people often work with debilitating cancers even tho they should absolutely not have to. Let’s begin with what he got wrong lol -He dates that I got an EMG done in March of 2022 before the lumbar puncture. I did not get an EMG until September of 2022. The LP was in April of 2022. -Nerve damage. I have zero evidence of nerve damage in my medical record, according to him. Zero. I do not have a single symptom to suggest nerve damage and I need at least one from both ‘categories’ the SSA lists. But I have none. I was bedbound for eight months because of nerve damage. I had noted swelling (with pictures) of my paraspinal muscles which might have contributed. I had an EMG because of nerve pain. My dr ordered an EMG because of nerve pain. Shooting pain down my leg and numbness/tingling. Also the severe pain in my lower back causing me to not be able to sit up or walk without excruciating pain 💀 I was referred by my neuro to a pain specialist who really wanted to do steroid shots in my lumbar region FOR NERVE PAIN. I was in physical therapy for months to relearn how to like walk and sit up but also for NERVE PAIN. Legit have no words. It’s noted in my neuro’s and his PA’s file about the radiculopathy explaining what happened to me finally. Hhhhhh. -MDD/PTSD/suicidal ideation. I have extensive medical records going back to 2015--NPs, therapists, my psychiatrist, and the neuro psych eval I had in Sept of 2021 + more since. The eval is one of my most important medical documents. He said the medical evidence did not support major depression/anxiety/PTSD for 2+ years with no improvement, which is not factual. My medical records from my NP in 2015-2017 show how many medications I was on that did not work. How long I was in therapy because it did not work. My current psychiatrist is on my side and tells me every time I see him that I’ve been on everything and we’re limited lol I believe this summer I will be with him for two years alone. The judge notes I have no medical evidence of panic attacks despite them being listed in my medical record. At most of these places. Again. Plus the ER at the very beginning discuss panic attacks. This man read my neuro psych eval where she diagnosed me with those MH disorders (beyond already being diagnosed elsewhere). This is an intimately personal document because it details a SA that occurred in 2012 plus the abuse my ex put me through for 2yrs, which made me unable to work starting in 2015. She noted high concern for my well being as my suicidal ideation is, uh, high lmao and the effects of PTSD from multiple traumatic things. He said there is no evidence in my medical record beyond a depressive and anxious mood which do not fit the bill for MH disabilities. He completely ignored the neuro psych eval (and everything else) so I think that speaks volumes of the type of person he is. -IIH. This is where I get very angry. He lists it as something I was diagnosed with and it was in consideration, yet he completely fails to consider it. He considered ‘headaches’. Not IIH, not multi-feature chronic migraines that are well documented, not the recommended brain shunt by my neurosurgeon if pressure was high, which it was. He is, by SSA law, supposed to argue for/against the conditions listed. He didn’t. -Allegations. He says that the “allegations” I have made don’t completely match my medical records by, like, existing or severity. Except the things that he says I alleged but are not supported are because of IIH. Which he had plenty of medical evidence of + the burden of deciding I meet criteria for disability is on the SSA at this point. He has to by law complete my medical record himself once it goes to him (almost a year ago) so he has the entire picture to make an accurate and fair judgment. He says I allege symptoms not endorsed by medical record but they are symptoms of IIH lmao -He implies I lied (”allegations”). He said that in my records it has been noted I stopped driving once all this happened (dec 2019) and have not driven since. It is noted *everywhere*. But he says that I indicated I drove one (1) time in December 2021. Obviously, this is not true and I have no idea where he got this from. My mom was pissed because she has driven me everywhere for 3+ yrs lmao I have a feeling someone misheard me say dec 2019 for dec 2021, so the judge thinks this makes me a liar. He completely ignored the vocational expert’s testimony in the opposite way I have read happens--narrowing me down to 1 job, then 0, but deciding himself I could perform jobs like ‘mail clerk, router, or marker’ whatever the fuck those last two are. A dr who reviewed my case (I didn’t even know they did lkafaja) said I could only have occasional interactions with people. The judge said that he felt that was not true and increased it to frequent. I don’t trust people. At all. I never want to make friends irl again because it feels way too fucking vulnerable. This is in my medical records. Anyway. I truly believe I have grounds for an appeal b/c of mistakes he made and I hope my attorney agrees with that. The judge is not supposed to fuck up dates or ignore medical evidence entirely in his judgment. BY LAW. Angry, hurt, tired. Why does this keep happening to me lol why can one thing not go right but instead everything always gets worse. I feel like I try to put good out into the world when I can but it spits on me in return. I want to give up.

[moondal514]

Reading Recap February 2025

Some more rereads but also I’m making my way through my tbr list, which is nice. I actually got some new releases in here! So I can say officially say I’m being current not just reading older stuff 😂

The Stone Sky, N. K. Jemisin

The finale! God this whole trilogy is fantastic. And heartbreaking. I really appreciate the whole message about empire and societies built on the suffering of others never being able to last and the way the whole series has this undercurrent of hope running through it even as it is bleak. I will admit, I was a bit underwhelmed by this book compared to the other two books in the series, partly, I think, because I saw the ending coming. But I still really enjoyed this book and I think this whole series has been cemented as some of my favorite books of all time

FLARE Magazine, Issue 1

A very new lit journal that centers around stories from writers that are disabled and/or chronically ill. While I very much support the mission of this magazine, I was unfortunately dissatisfied with the quality of the writing for most of the pieces here. However, I’m giving it the benefit of the doubt since it’s this magazine’s inaugural issue, and I hope the quality of stories submitted will be improved as time goes on. Essentially the only pieces from this issue I did like are “Y’all Say Eugenicist as If Eugenics Is Inherently Bad lol�� by Audrey T. Carroll, “Iterations” by Brady Alexander, “Art of Noise” by Ilari Pass, and “MDD” by Leisly Ann

Bicoastal Review 7

Poetry-centric journal. Overall I found the quality of the works here quite good. I appreciated that each work on the journal’s website included a recording of someone reading them out loud, but unfortunately sometimes the recording icons covered up parts of the poems themselves and ironically made it harder to read the poems. The standouts for me include “Fable of New Weather” by Adam Houle, “Picking Up Cicada Carcasses in Texas” by Leia Bradley, “The City” by Nancy Burke, and “The Art of Drawing Boats” by Hayley Phillips

17776: What Football Will Look Like in the Future, Jon Bois

I’m like eight years late to the party on this one but wow I loved it. What an innovative reading experience. I don’t think anything I saw about this story on social media could’ve prepared me for what I read, but I really had a good time with it. What a wonderful love letter to the cultural staying power of sports and humanity’s capacity for care

Remnants of Filth: Vol. 6, Rou Bao Bu Chi Ro

This volume contains both my second favorite part of this novel and the beginning of my least favorite parts of this novel, so I’ve come out of it with mixed feelings. On one hand, I really do love the whole sad backstory about the Chu family and all the drama and fucked up reveals in the Huntian Cave part (also known as Yue Chenqing’s Xue Meng moment, poor kid). On the other hand, everything that happens after that is the point at which this novel starts to get too ridiculous for me lol. However, Mo Xi spends at least a quarter of this volume crying, so I had lots of fun

Summer Sons, Lee Mandelo

I read this one because it’s an entry into the “a book with a traumatized fucked up gay character named Andrew mainly taking place at a college in a southern US state” genre. I kind of had issues getting into it for about the first 100 pages or so, but Andrew’s whole deal fascinated me so much that I pushed through and in the end I had a good time. Which is to say, the second half of the book appealed much more to me than the first half lol. Overall, it was decent and definitely worth the read. I liked it

Joshi BL

Anthology of BL manga one-shots told from the point of view of female side characters. While none of the stories in this collection jived with me, I really liked the concept of this anthology a lot. It’s nice to see a sympathetic and nuanced view of characters that would usually be hated or villainized in the types of stories that they appear in and the archetypes they inhabit

Catching Chén Qíng Lìng: The Untamed and Adaptation, Production, and Reception in Transcultural Contexts, ed. Cathy Yue Wang and Maria K. Alberto

Still haven’t watched more than three episodes of CQL and I don’t plan on watching more. But since I do run around in the MDZS fandom, I was supremely curious to read some academic fandom analysis anyways. Overall this collection was very enlightening and informed me of a lot of context about the history of this fandom and danmei fandom culture in general I didn’t actually know. The essays I liked the most were “A Full Account: Queer Structures and Narrative Democratization in Mo Dao Zu Shi” by Andrea Acosta and Lillian Lu, “Iterative Violence: English (mis?)Translations of Mo Dao Zu Shi and Chén Qíng Lìng” by Chang Y. Ng, “Allegations of Chinoiserie: Guo(o)feng, Authenticity, and (Self-)Orientalization in Chén Qíng Lìng and Its Companion Album” by 墨客 hunxi, and “MDZS in Diaspora: Negotiating Chinese Americanness through Modern AU Fanfiction” by Haley Wu and Jiaqi Kang

Gideon the Ninth, Tamsyn Muir

Discord book club reread! It’s so fun how differently this book reads when you revisit it compared to going into it knowing nothing. It’s like a totally different story when you actually have context for some of the shit Gideon doesn’t know about or is full on ignoring. Canaan House in particular is a completely different place, with the remnants of Jod’s crew pre-lyctorhood completely haunting the place in ways the reader can’t appreciate until reread

The Summer Palace and Other Stories: A Captive Prince Short Story Collection, C.S. Pacat

I had a random revival in my interest in the Captive Prince fandom in the middle of the month and it reminded me that I had forgotten to read this short story collection. I very much enjoyed all of these stories, but the highlight was definitely “Pet,” the Ancel-centric story. I had previously wondered why exactly the fandom found Ancel/Berenger so compelling and what made them interesting characters and, well, now I have my answer. I also very much enjoyed seeing some of the events of book 1 from Ancel’s pov because the added context definitely adds a lot

The Sunshine Court, Nora Sakavic

Reread done in anticipation of The Golden Raven. It’s been said before that this book reads like a JereJean fanfiction, and lowkey I agree, but that’s not to say that I still don’t enjoy it. Though I’m not as taken with this book as I am with the original All For the Game trilogy, I’m still very invested in Jean and what will happen to him. Honestly my biggest struggle with this book is that the setting is my childhood stomping grounds, and so knowing the setting so well really messes with my suspension of disbelief (how I wish Nora had the foresight to place Jeremy and the Trojans in a random made up college in California instead of the very real USC)

The Golden Raven, Nora Sakavic

Still reads like a JereJean fanfiction, even more so perhaps, but once again that isn’t to say I didn’t enjoy it. I loved the Trojans, I loved the cameos from the Foxes, I loved the games, I loved the fucked up Raven shit, I loved the Jean whump, I loved seeing Jeremy’s messed up family dynamics and bad coping mechanisms, and I loved the JereJean tension. But I have to say, I think this is my least favorite of Sakavic’s books so far. I had so many issues with the pacing and there were so many little plot threads introduced all at once that got dropped or forgotten (hopefully to be resolved in the next book?). I also found the handling of some of Jean’s issues to be kind of poorly done, but well at this point I’m used to that sort of thing in this series 😂. I think the fact that it was all originally meant to be one book shows a lot here. But I reserve my overall judgment until Jean’s story is complete, and there are so many scenes from this book I’m going to be rotating in my brain for a while

Rejected Lit, Issue 9

Continuing to try to get myself into poetry more seriously through trial by fire. I will be the first to admit that I’m not a very good connoisseur of poetry as its own genre, but I’m trying. The overall quality of writing in this magazine is very good, though some of the poems fall very much on the side of “…I don’t get it” lmao. The standouts for me include “Jennifer’s Body” by Ruby Ferris, “Pale Green Speck” by Oswaldo Vargas, “The Migration” by Talor North, and “Warfare” by Hanaa Ibrahim

The Paper Menagerie and Other Stories, Ken Liu

I held off on reading this collection for a long time for two reasons: 1) I hated The Grace of Kings and 2) this was a rec from my little brother, whose book recommendations for me are usually very hit or miss (case in point, Grace of Kings was also a rec from him lmao). Luckily this one was, for the most part, a hit. Not all of the stories were created equally and I definitely liked some more than others. Some of the stories were so incredibly corny I was rolling my eyes as I struggled to read them, and some of the stories induced such a strong emotional reaction in me that I almost cried. But overall I enjoyed this collection and found it to be a good read. My favorites included “The Bookmaking Habits of Select Species,” “Simulacrum,” “The Waves,” and “The Man Who Ended History: A Documentary”

[alcothrashstudio]

ACCU§ER

ACCU§ER Rebirthless (2024) MDD Records Чрезвычайно скучный альбом, даже для такой не слишком разноплановой банды, как Accu§er. Эта немецкая группа никогда не отличалась разнообразием, особенно с тех пор, как перешла с thrash-колеи на рельсы groove metal. Однообразные риффы и ритмы, машинный средне-скоростной темп «та-та-та-та», пение Франка Томса на одной ноте и (что гораздо хуже) на одной эмоции. Бывали у немцев альбомы и получше, и речь даже не о трэшовом «Who Dominates Who?» (1989) - наверное, их лучшей, второй пластинке (и, кстати, моей любимой) и не о странном, грувово-индустриальном «Repent» (1992). Даже предыдущий диск («Accu§er», 2020) был лучше, возможно из-за относительно неплохих соляков гитариста Рене Шутса, выходца из классического состава Accu§er. А тут он в очередной (который уже!) раз покинул группу. И вот результат… Для команды, лабающей с 1986 года, это позор какой-то, а не музыка. Хотя о чём мы говорим? Все нынешние участники, крома Франка, пришли в 2000-х, а нынешний горе-гитарист Саша Станге – накануне записи «Rebirthless». Сложно выделить хотя бы один запомнившийся чем-то трек, чес-слово, а не запоминаются они, потому как мелодий нет. Их ведь сочинять нужно, а Томс, похоже, делать это совсем разучился.

[starseedfxofficial]

CAD/CHF & Maximum Drawdown: The Hidden Truth No One Talks About Why CAD/CHF Is the ‘Quiet Assassin’ of Forex & How to Tame Its Maximum Drawdown Let’s be honest—CAD/CHF isn’t exactly the first pair that comes to mind when traders dream of glory. It’s like the supporting actor in a blockbuster film—always present, never the star. But behind its seemingly low volatility lies a hidden beast: maximum drawdown (MDD). Underestimating it can feel like opening a seemingly peaceful closet only to have everything inside collapse on you. Welcome to the inside scoop on CAD/CHF's secret risks—and how to profit despite them. What Most Traders Get Wrong About CAD/CHF Most traders assume CAD/CHF is a “safe” pair due to its relatively low volatility. But let’s set the record straight: low volatility does NOT mean low risk. What actually happens is that its movement is deceptive—small, steady declines accumulate into significant losses, making MDD a silent killer. This is why traders often overlook the importance of risk management, thinking they’re dealing with a ‘stable’ currency pair. The Hidden Patterns That Drive CAD/CHF Here’s the inside story: - The Swiss Franc is a safe-haven currency, meaning it strengthens during market uncertainty. - The Canadian Dollar is a commodity currency, meaning it moves in sync with oil prices. - When there’s a global economic downturn, CAD/CHF quietly trends lower without dramatic moves—but those small losses compound over time. This slow-burn drawdown is where many traders get burned. They don't notice until their account balance looks like a deflated balloon at a birthday party. How to Predict & Control CAD/CHF’s Maximum Drawdown 1. Follow the Oil Market Like a Hawk Since the CAD is highly correlated with oil, any drop in crude prices means a potential drop in CAD/CHF. Want to avoid unnecessary MDD? Watch these key oil market signals: - OPEC announcements – Major supply cuts often boost CAD. - U.S. crude inventories – High stockpiles can weaken CAD. - Geopolitical tensions – Oil disruptions usually strengthen CAD. 2. Use Advanced Risk Management: The “Layered Protection” Model You wouldn’t ride a roller coaster without a seatbelt, right? The same logic applies to trading CAD/CHF. Here’s a three-layered approach to protecting your account from excessive MDD: - Layer 1: Dynamic Position Sizing – Adjust your lot size based on volatility. If CAD/CHF is experiencing low volatility, don’t mistake it for safety. Keep position sizes small to avoid cumulative drawdowns. - Layer 2: ATR-Based Stop-Losses – Use the Average True Range (ATR) to set stops dynamically. A fixed 30-pip stop is useless in fluctuating markets. - Layer 3: Correlation Checks – Since CAD/CHF is affected by oil and risk sentiment, don’t overexpose yourself to correlated trades like USD/CAD or CHF/JPY. 3. The Overlooked Trading Strategy: Mean Reversion with Adaptive Entries Most traders chase momentum. The real money in CAD/CHF comes from reversion trading. Here’s how it works: - Identify overextended trends using Bollinger Bands and RSI. - Look for divergence between price and momentum indicators. - Enter counter-trend trades only when sentiment aligns—such as oil rebounding while CAD/CHF is oversold. This approach lets you capitalize on temporary imbalances without exposing yourself to prolonged drawdowns. Case Study: How a Smart Trader Beat the CAD/CHF Drawdown Trap Take Daniel, a trader who thought CAD/CHF was a “low-risk” pair. He went all-in on a long position, believing oil would drive CAD up. Instead, the Swiss Franc strengthened as global uncertainty rose, leading to a slow but relentless decline in CAD/CHF. His account took a 17% drawdown in just two weeks. What did he do wrong? - Ignored correlation risks – He didn’t consider that oil wasn’t the only factor. - Failed to adjust position sizing – He traded as if CAD/CHF was always stable. - Didn’t hedge properly – A simple CHF hedge would’ve reduced his losses. The fix? Daniel adjusted his approach, using a hedging strategy with EUR/CHF while monitoring sentiment shifts in crude oil. He turned his losses around within a month. The Game-Changer: Using Technology to Stay Ahead Want to avoid Daniel’s fate? Use smart trading tools that dynamically adjust your lot size, stops, and trade management. - Smart Trading Tool – Automatically calculates optimal position sizes based on real-time market conditions. - Free Trading Journal – Tracks your MDD across different pairs, identifying patterns in your risk exposure. - Live Market Updates – Stay ahead of CAD/CHF moves with up-to-the-minute economic data. Final Thoughts: Are You Ready to Outmaneuver the Market? CAD/CHF may not be a flashy pair, but it’s a silent assassin if you don’t manage drawdowns correctly. By monitoring oil, using layered risk management, and leveraging adaptive reversion trading, you can turn its weaknesses into profit opportunities. Now, it’s your turn—what’s your experience with CAD/CHF? Drop a comment below and let’s discuss how to master this under-the-radar currency pair! —————– Image Credits: Cover image at the top is AI-generated Read the full article

[anthem-for-orion]

I don't know what I have, and at this point I know better than to go wandering into a psych office again to find out.

Official diagnoses are major depressive disorder and general anxiety. Diagnosed with psychotic depression during a trip to the psych ward in college: auditory hallucinations for a few days prior to getting committed, advanced to commands - which, for the record, I was not following.

Symptoms consistent with MDD, being episodes lasting between days to months of depressed mood, lowered energy, physical and mental fatigue, episodes going back to age 11 as far as I can remember. I distinctly remember having a period of about a month in 5th grade where I couldn't stop thinking about how I could feasibly kill myself. General anxiety symptoms have been improving in the past few years: historically, it has been panic attacks during stressful situations and dread to the point of impacting executive functions. Exogenous testosterone and cognitive behavioral therapy have helped with anxiety but not depression.

Symptoms inconsistent with my existing diagnoses and which I should probably find a therapist for but which I will absolutely not, at least not while I am in a position to be easily coerced into treatment that would negatively impact me:

Olfactory and tactile hallucinations on a regular basis (at least once a week, more if generally stressed or tired). Auditory and visual hallucinations when stressed (observation voices, not command).

Loss of affect, can generally fake it for brief periods, but I've been called out for "looking like a psychopath, got those, like, dead shark eyes."

Bouts of... low level aphasia? True aphasia is more intense than what I experience, but if sometimes feels as though I can't get words lined up in the correct order. For example, I was speaking with a coworker the other day about where I could find the stock of a particular size of autoclavable biohazard bags, as we had run out. It came out as something akin to "Bags-ss the orange ones? Do you know any more somewhere?" It's embarrassing. I can speak quite fine most of the time, but sometimes my speech processing just gets clogged, I suppose.

Variable levels of derealization. I spend more of my time in a haze than I do in reality these days. This one I have discussed with a therapist regularly in college, so I feel decently sure this is the correct term. I've followed her advice about 54321 grounding and such, and while it helps during intense bouts, I can't do it constantly for months straight.

Sometimes I can't feel my legs. At its worst, I can't move them either, which becomes rather inconvenient. They get dead frigid too, which makes me concerned that this is a physical problem with my blood flow. 18% body fat 5'8" 140 pounds, normal blood pressure, cholesterol managed via lipitor. I'm not sure what's up with that, but it does happen more often during depressive episodes.

Maybe I am somewhere on the schizophrenic spectrum. The therapist in college wanted me tested, but I fell off with regular appointments during summer break. They put me on an SSRI (escitalopram, trintellix) and started trying different antipsychotics (invega, risperidone, paliperidone once). Trintellix *kind of* worked; it got rid of the fatigue but did nothing for my actual mood or any other symptoms. The antipsychotics cooled down the rate of hallucinations but shredded my mood and affect entirely, and I gained about 30 pounds. This is most of why I don't want to go back. My creativity and those few flashes of good mood are the only things I'm living for and proud of right now. I cannot lose them.

My brother thinks I'm just autistic and that I need to "stop trying to mask." His idea of "not masking" is continuing to exist as an anxious mess in his childhood room while using his neurodivergency as an excuse to never attempt to improve himself. He is diagnosed: he also has other, curable issues that he has been convinced are unfixable. Maybe I am autistic: that doesn't mean I don't have other things I need to pay attention to. Still, I feel annoyed with him for trying to brush me off in the way he's brushed himself off, and I fear it wells up sometimes with autistic people who aren't my brother excuse their own behavior as "whoopsies, my autism is showing." If that is who I'll be grouped with if I do get a positive autism diagnosis from a professional, I don't want one.

[yoacusomultimediosblog]

121 MDD

¡Cifra récord para una pintura de René Magritte A René Magritte painting depicting an eerily lit streetscape sold for more than $121 million at a Christie’s auction in New York on Tuesday –– surpassing its $95 million estimate and smashing the auction record for the Surrealist artist’s work. https://cnn.it/4fBBXC2