#M*A*S*H stats

[pastelaspirations]

Very very sorry for spam liking.... I just finished ur fic Perseverance.... I love it OwO and ur art... *Cough* Hi :3 (have most definitely not been going through you blog desperately searching for more Perseverance content.... Idk what ur on about... /Silly)

YEEE! It's no problem! :D At all actually. It is actually a compliment to see someone go through your posts and just. Like things systematically. ;_; LIKE, YEE, I'M SO GLAD YA LIKE YOUR STAY IN MY TRASH BLOG OMG-

BUT THANK YOUUU, MAAAN OMGGG. I'm not okaaayyy. I'm getting so much love and affection for me fic all of a sudden, I c a n ' t. Thank you so much for enjoying my story!! ;_; <3 I. Uh. Am glad I have a tumblr so you can search for more tidbits about my fic, even though it's... incoherent crap posts the majority of the time. BUT. SOMETIMES I POST THINGS THAT ARE RELEVANT, SO, JUST. THANK YA FOR VISITING MY CRAP POST TRASH PILE THAT I USE TO SCREAM INTO THE VOID, DON'T LET THIS SCARE YOU OFF, I'M NORMAL, I SWEAR-

[radarsteddybear]

Some of the things I kept track of during this M*A*S*H rewatch:

Episodes with Radar's teddy bear: 31 (mentioned in an additional four)

Episodes with kids: 24*

Episodes where Father Mulcahy is mentioned or shown to be a boxer: 12*

Episodes that feature Sophie, Colonel Potter's horse: 9

Episodes with Radar's menagerie: 11 (mentioned in one additional episode)

Episodes where Grape Nehi is shown or mentioned (by Radar or otherwise): 12

Episodes where Radar does impressions: 5

Episodes where Radar plays the drums: 3

Christmases celebrated: 4†

Characters who dress as Santa: 3

Number of wedding anniversaries Colonel Potter celebrates [February 2]: 2

Number of purple hearts that Frank puts in for himself (undeserved): 2

Total number of episodes: 251

Some firsts:

Radar's first Grape Nehi: "Welcome to Korea" (s4 e1)

Radar first name reveal [Walter]: "Quo Vadis, Captain Chandler?" (s4 e10)

William Christopher's name added to the opening credits: "Bug Out" (s5 e1)

Radar middle name reveal [Eugene]: "Fade Out, Fade In" (s6 e1)

Charles Emerson Winchester becomes Charles Emerson Winchester III: "The Price" (s7 e17)

Hawkeye's father's name reveal [Daniel]: "Sons and Bowlers" (s10 e19)

Some attempts to make sense of the timeline:

When Colonel Potter assumes command of the 4077th, he states that he expects to be in command for 18 months (s4 e2)

We also learn that Margaret has been in the army for 10 years at that time (s4 e2)

Margaret's marriage lasts about 3 months (s10 e1)

Charles spends about two years at the 4077th (s11 e16)

So does BJ; Erin turns two years old towards the end of the war (s11 e16)

*Indicates that I'm not 100% confident in my numbers

†A Christmas celebration is also referenced in "Margaret's Engagement" (s5 e2) which appears to be the Christmas in "Death Takes a Holiday" (s9 e5), as she talks about Colonel Potter dressing up as Santa.  

[remyfire]

Kinktober Day 1: Pegging

Ships: Trapper John McIntyre/Margie Cutler, (background Trapper/Louise and Hawkeye/Margie) (unresolved Trapper/Hawkeye)

"I wanna know why you're not fucking Hawkeye." His eyes fly open wide enough to hurt. As he stares at the ceiling and pants, there's movement, and slowly Margie enters his field of view, all bright blue eyes and dark bangs across her forehead, and John furrows his brow as his whole chest lights aflame. Little by little, she strokes his chest, strokes inside of him, and John fights not to hyperventilate. "You can tell me." She even grins, all girl next door, the kind who'd never lie to him, who'd take his secret to the grave, he knows it, he knows it. "Nothing you say leaves this tent, okay?" John still finds himself shaking his head. "It ain't fair to you, Margie. Don't make me say it." She leans down, brushes a kiss across his lips softer than the prayers he used to whisper as he ran his rosary before he realized that God was dead. "I can take it."

Margie's his girl, but they both know that Hawkeye's always been more to Trapper, and she's not giving Trap what he wants until he finally admits why he won't have him.

[di-girls-dem-sugar]

they are so fucking sexy. who said that

[mashbrainrot]

Henry Blake in 'The Interview'

In 2006, Larry Gelbart wrote dialogue imagining Trapper, Henry Blake, and Colonel Flagg had featured in the M*A*S*H episode 'The Interview'. Here is Henry's, with the original available to read here via Google Groups.

REPORTER: How does it feel, having the responsibility for saving such a great number of lives? HENRY: We just take ’em one or two, sometimes maybe twenty at a time. The big trick is not to start thinking of ’em as numbers – as just so many stats that go into a report that winds up in somebody’s filing cabinet under “out of sight, out of mind.” You’ve gotta always remember that what you’re dealing with is hurt people, people that have been run over by a war. REPORTER: And not just – HENRY: You gotta remember to take a peek at the odd dog tag now and then and remind yourself that that dangling leg or busted gut you’re going to try and put back together again is somebody’s dad or son or boyfriend – that all that blood and guts soiling your linen belongs to somebody that’s got a name attached to him.

REPORTER: You can’t afford to lose your sense of humanity. HENRY: There’s just so many senses you can lose over here. REPORTER: Humor not being one of them, obviously. HENRY: Around here laughter’s just crying without the tears. REPORTER: You have a family back home, sir? HENRY: In Bloomington. The one in Illinois, not in Indiana – unless things have changed since I went away. REPORTER: You keep in touch with them, of course, your family. HENRY: We write, we phone. Far apart as we are, I don’t think we’ve ever been closer. REPORTER: Would you like to say hello to them on television? HENRY: Be better if this was kissovision, but, yeah, can I? REPORTER: Go right ahead. HENRY: Lorraine? Hi, honey. Hi, kids. I got your report cards this morning and I had Radar go out post ’em on the bulletin board here so everybody can see why I’m so darn proud of you. Especially how you’re doing in math. You must get those brains from your mom. Got to be. Old as I am, I still don’t know how many tens to give someone for a five-dollar bill. (TO REPORTER) Thanks. REPORTER: That it? HENRY: That’s it. (TO CAMERA) Except I’m counting the days till we’re back together again. REPORTER: You have any idea when that will be? HENRY: I try not to have too many ideas. There’s always someone who ranks you who’s sure you’ll agree he’s got a better one. REPORTER: When you do finally get home, what are you going to tell your children is the biggest lesson being over here has taught you? HENRY: To always try to work things out, I guess. Whatever those things might happen to be. You don’t make your point killing the other guy. Even if you do it’s kind of wasted if the other guys not around to get the message. REPORTER: You seem – if all may so, Colonel – you seem near exhaustion. HENRY: What I am mostly is tired of being tired. We’re supposed to be a hospital but it’s more like a chop shop around here. We’re up to our elbows in people that other people are doing their best to chop down. REPORTER: That doesn’t lead to a lot of sleep, I would imagine. HENRY: I used to think of sleeping in terms of hours. How many did I get last night, how many will I get to steal tonight. I’m down to minutes now. It’s like somebody broke one hand off the clock. REPORTER: Does that ever affect your performance? HENRY: I fell asleep a few weeks ago in the middle of resecting a patient’s bowel. How’s that for exhausted? REPORTER: Does that fishing hat mean there are those times when you do get to get away from it all? HENRY: What it means is that I have to fish for those times. And let me say, the biting’s pretty poor. REPORTER: Business is too good around here. HENRY: Let’s just say it takes a whole lot longer to take a bullet out of a belly than it does putting one into one. REPORTER: Thank you, sir. HENRY: Can I say one more thing? REPORTER: Of course. HENRY: I just want you to know we all here are grateful for this visit you’ve paid us, this attention you’re paying to the job we’re doing. You get the feeling sometimes, being over here that, aside from our families, we’ve kind of dropped off the planet, that we’ve been kind of disinvited to the party – like everyone back home is busy living their real lives and for us to give them a call when we get back to town. (TO REPORTER) That sound too preachy? REPORTER: It sounded just fine, Colonel. HENRY: Henry. I’m a lot more a Henry than I’ll ever be colonel. REPORTER: Thank you, Henry. HENRY: Tell me the truth: didn’t that feel better? REPORTER: You’re an excellent doctor. HENRY: Hey – that’s why I’m over here getting 300 hundred dollars a month.

[thatdeadaquarius]

HELLO IT IS I AGAIN (Razor's mom /real)

So you know those imposters aus where characters chase the reader for being an 'impersonator'?

What if... It's a continuation from my ask (where we meet Razor first before everyone), and Razor is just confused at the patrolling knights near Wolvendom constantly asking him if he have saw 'the impostor'

Tbh he just shakes his head. Who tf is the impostor????? Wtf is an impostor???????

Many question marks later..

He had encountered an epiphany (not really it's just the Springvale ppl talking about someone copying the creator's looks).

The 'Impostor' they have been searching is you.

But you're not an impostor! Razor knows it! Andrius knows it! And with how the nature and the monster responded to you, Teyvat knows it too!

So like the good son he is, he sheltered you even more severely.

Ur not allowed to go out of his sights at this point (he'll still take you to places with many lampgrasses if you still wanna make a crown w it)

And my imagination ends there, do you think there's something else he'd do?

Ty for answering my last request btw, ur the best and I hope you get your favorite characters w one 10 pull and your desired artifacts w the best stats <3

Much love and sweets

-Razor's mom

RAZOR'S MOM!! HELLO aw im so glad u liked it :)

Srry about the late reply! 💜💜💜

Ok, so I think this is a good time to point to my shiny

Writing Requests/About Me Post I have pinned on my 👉 blog!!👈💅 taaa daaaa :) i did it guys here ya go

Yall have been GREAT so far abt keeping the requests chill and fun, and i dont have that many "Donts" that arent obvious (homophobia, transphobia, ableism,etc)

♡

Dont worry Razor Mom, i just wanted to use this as a way to talk about this!! /nm /gen

♡

About Imposter AU, there are plenty of other blogs/posts that write for that or posts under SAGAU tag! :)

I said wayyy earlier on in some of my first asks, but basically I really want to lighten up the Genshin SAGAU / Isekai tag and branch out from all these darker Imposter AUs :)

And also add more world-building posts or AUs <3

(language brainrot for example)!!

◇

TL;DR: I am not accepting hunting down/yandere/cult au/imposter au Genshin Sagau, only a funny or chill version of it.

Please check my writing rules post :)

Example: u look like Creator, but everybody's like, "oh lucky them wow rlly blessed, have a free drink, etc.

OR omfg where r they?? They descended to Teyvat oh fuck we lost our god-"

♡

Heres the Razor post !!!

If u wanna check it out :]

Cracks knuckles, Saddle up Baby, bc its time for my version of the Imposter AU 🤭😋😈

(and sorry for answering super late/possible scare Razor mom anon!! :'/ )

♡

So it begins rlly small right?

Like, Razor does not know the new knight patroling Wolvendom's borders

,, weird but ok, he thinks basically

And then when it was time to visit some domains a little closer to Springvale for grinding

(Or rlly just to get some of their tiny restaurants homemade food yumm)

He notices more Favonius knights lurking around than usual

Or at least widening their patrols

And hes like wtf?

Ur like, huh.

I'll ask Springvale ppl wtf goin on

The locals respond that the search for the Great Creator has begun.

...

...you and Razor: 👁👄👁 w h o m s t ❔️

◇

Upon further questioning

(which was apparantly weird that yall didnt know, but eh, u just used the whole "feral wolf child with feral blacksmith parent living in woods ignorance" excuse)

Admittedly yall, quite literally, live under a rock lmao

They explain theres a whole ass prophecy

Abt how the Great Architect would succumb to a long slumber somewhere else in the vast universe after making the planet.

And when the time is right, they will reconnect to Teyvat, and awaken, and descend in a mortal form

(like the archons)

◇

..but the kicker is nobody knows wtf they look like bc:

1. All that lore is hella crumbly and old, and very hard to translate

2. Mortal forms sometimes look different than god forms, so even if they did know some defining features of the Creator, that wasnt guaranteed to be them...

◇

(i.e. they will have brown eyes, well. Thats a fuckton of ppl with brown eyes innit? 💀)

♤

So thru certain signs, that this mysterious prophecy wooooo

Said would happen, the nations of Teyvat and their many supernatural inhabitants are aware the ultimate god has descended

(The crops flourished? Animals got more wily, many of the sick ppl got better for no reason, the Irminsul started regrowing/filling out its base- like how it looked like a lightning struck tree rn 💀)

So every country are now trying to find them to be the first to welcome them home

Needless to say its lowkey a competition

◇

Meanwhile you and Razor are just:

... (゜▽゜;)

"Haha yeah cool..."

(Andrius already told u what u r to Teyvat and explained to Razor)

Ur both immediately slapping a cloak on u and keeping the hood up all the time

Yall dont wanna be seperated :(

Ur both paranoid for diff reasons,

Razor's just scared his Lupical is going to be taken from him again bc there r better, more refined humans wanting to be ur Lupical ;-;

And ur like-

Omfg that sounds like sm work 💀

While its nice to daydream abt what itd be like to be famous, realistically,

U could not handle that shit.

People crowding you all the time?

U cant just look busted anywhere u go, like a midnight snack run

Ppl would also expect u be,

Responsible??

To act like a competent ruler maybe???

Hell no.

U just wanted to play a pretty gacha game and spoil ur skrunklies

(At least, if they do wanna call u that, they dont make u do anything political 💀 but u doubt it)

◇

Needless to say, Razor is glued to ur side everywhere u go.

A domain a half mile away? Oh he'll come with dw

Ur gonna go stop by that food merchant further up the road for ingredients? Cool he'll sniff the best ones!

Ur going to see Andrius??

Oh he needed to see him too-

😭😭🥺🥺 poor babe

♧

Surprisingly enough,

Or maybe not his house is right tf there

Diluc is the first person to actually recognize you.

Razor had been subtly steering u away from Mondstadt for 3 weeks now, ever since yall talked to the Springvale locals

An u cant say u didnt notice, but u werent rlly stopping him

You wanted to be like Venti, chillin among the ppl regardless of ur powers, not the Raiden Shogun :/

And maybe shock some ppl who dont know ur a god like him too lol

◇

Diluc had been looking around the lesser patroled areas of Mondstadt to search for the Architect

He didn't even need those incompetent knights to tell him their god had finally descended

He already saw the signs long before Mondstadt

Bc youve been in Wolvendom, the area has flourished over time, more fish in the water, more game to hunt and bigger, crows making circles in the sky despite there being no corpse

And one of the closest places to you,

Is the Dawn Winery.

Diluc's security against Venti began to hold up better, the staff didn't have to clean as much things like dirt or weather damage to the manor,

His hawk had never been faster delivering his letters, he almost thought the little guy had been drugged with something

◇

He patroled Stormterror's Lair, and deep in the woods surrounding the manor that the knights hadn't bother to go into

Afterall, he figured you'd never had a mortal form before, so u were unlikely to fend for urself for very long in the woods lol

so he wanted to find u quick (aww softy :')

He even made a trip out to the Thousand Wind Temple and Dragonspine (he did report that one to the knights, he didn't want Amber, Bennett, or Creator-forbid Klee, being the few pyro users to have to explore it)

Finally, after doing the further away locations, siginificant in history and rich with leftover magic

Diluc figured that's where you might land first, so he saved Wolvendom for last

It would at least let him check on that wolf kid and maybe get to talk to him long enough to ask him if he's seen anything unusual.

The lord of Dawn Winery manor heads into the Wolvendom woods, just as sunset colors the trees...

◇

It was a Friday evening, the sun was setting, the weather was pleasant and it was time for all of the Lupical to come together and eat a big feast!! :)

About once a month, Andrius will come out for a few nights and dine with all of yall

Hes an old wolf give him a break, he takes long naps

So u cook lots of Mondstadt favorites to eat on and a few Liyue dishes too

Razor, ur favorite helper, has helped u finish the last dish and is now romping around with the puppies bless <3

U guys have dragged ur coffee table dining table setup out to sit and eat at

Andrius lets out a not too loud, not too quiet howl, and as the wolves, Razor and you lmao join in

Yall dig in, bones flying everywhere, spagetti noodles flingling around, it would put toddlers to shame lol

◇

Diluc hears a howl that is too... big to be a regular wolf.

It filled the air of Wolvendom like no howl before it, as he used the glowing lampgrass to help light the path deeper

He sneaks past a hilichurl camp or two, all fast asleep

He scans the woods, and figures he'll search the woods besides the path after he gets to that old stone carved pit-

Food?

Diluc sniffs the air, and squints deeper into the forest

The black branches shade the way ahead, but just barely... he can see the flicker of orange and blue light?

He summons his claymore, bracing it on his shoulder, and creeps into the treeline to better hide him

◇

You swear to god (dammit swear to.. you??) someone is watching you.

You look around the piles of fluffy doggos, happy and stuffed full they r slowly forming puppy piles

Andrius is finishing his meat platter, also sitting on all four legs on the ground

Razor is splayed on his back beside you, eyes closed, his feet sticking out the other side of the table, u chuckle at him

But not a single Lupical seems to be looking at you.

Gulping down your last few bites, you scan the treeline

U refuse to be that bitch in a horror movie where their gut says smth is off and they brush it off or barely look at their surroundings

Turning around to the treeline behind you, u see something... red fur?

U sit up some more, peering over the bushes at the bottom of the trees

You meet a pair of warm brown eyes, widened like they're just as shocked to see you

As u notice his familiar red high ponytail (but also not?? Its weird going from 2D to 3D and still recognizing bitches)

U peer down at his chest, as he carefully stands out of the foliage-

That familiar star shaped button that u can press for the character menu screen, the same thats on Razor, on Benny, on Fischl, on Lisa-

Hovers over Diluc's chest.

◇

Diluc is in the bush, observing the human(???) stranger (he really doesnt want to attract the attention of that.. giant spirit wolf thing)

The figure sitting at a ... table?? (He can barely process all these absurdities at once, hes only got so much brain space)

Has sensed his presence, and as he grips his claymore, ready to demand answers,

Razor startles, and jumps up, smelling the pyro user, he summons his weapon-

The figure locks eyes with him, and all he sees is gold.

Diluc drops his claymore.

☆

♡

☆

Have a cliffhanger bc idk 🤷‍♂️ Also srry it wasnt exactly Mondstadt finding u, and it somehow turned into a whole scenario?? Idk man

🤧 welp i hope that was decent Razor mom! Tysm for ur sweet feedback abt our beloved son 🙏💜🐺

Feel free to always talk again, thru comments, asks whatever!! :D

♡

Cheers,

💀♒️

(guys im so stupid i coud've been signing off with this simple emoji combo the whole time,, 😭i didnt actually think abt emojifying my name, just making it look pretty with some of my fav emojis... 😔)

If anyone reads this u should let me know which one is better lol

💀♒️

OR

🌒🌧🌊Aquarius♒️🌌🌘

OR like a combo???

♡my beloved♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

[doyouknowthischaracter]

The STATS SPREADSHEET is up-to-date!

Following the link above, you can find an overall top of all the polls that have ended so far, as well as a breakdown by categories, each sorted by percentages and number of votes separately. Enjoy and please let me know if you spot any mistakes or typos! (But please be kind about it, this was a lot of work 😭)

Below is a quick summary!

MOST WELL-KNOWN CHARACTERS

by percentage — Cinderella (Disney's Cinderella), Batman (DC Comics), Dracula (Dracula by Bram Stoker)

by number of votes — Grantaire (Les Misérables), Hawkeye Pierce (M*A*S*H), Dracula (Dracula by Bram Stoker)

LEAST WELL-KNOWN CHARACTERS

by percentage — Richard Karinsky (Caroline in the City) tied with Full-Tilt (Beast Wars: Uprising), Beverly Switzler (Marvel Comics), SAM LINNFER (Waywalkers & Timekeepers by Catherine Webb)

by number of votes — Full-Tilt (Beast Wars: Uprising), Beverly Switzler (Marvel Comics), Sam Linnefer (Waywalkers & Timekeepers by Catherine Webb)

MOST HEARD OF CHARACTER

by percentage — Howard the Duck (Marvel Comics)

by number of votes — Hawkeye Pierce (M*A*S*H)

LEAST HEARD OF CHARACTER

by percentage — Sam Linnefer (Waywalkers & Timekeepers by Catherine Webb)

by number of votes — Sam Linnefer (Waywalkers & Timekeepers by Catherine Webb)

MOST NUMBER OF VOTES — Grantaire (Les Misérables)

LEAST NUMBER OF VOTES — Kurumi (Touhou 4: Lotus Land Story)

[that1insomniac]

Jax vs Sans. the war of the smiley trashbags.

Could not have asked for a better ask to start this blog.

Jax

“Ooh, violence.”

Jax is a humanoid jackrabbit trapped inside of The Amazing Digital Circus. Throughout the first 2 episodes of the show, he’s portrayed as a sadistic person who appears not to care about harming others (including his friends).

Pros:

Digital Body (can’t ‘die’, immune to almost all types of death inducing methods)

Sadistic Nature (won’t care that much if Sans starts showing weakness)

Cartoon Physics Apply to Him (can teleport/run absurdly fast, stretch limbs, etc.)

Cons:

Arrogant (might give Sans an opening to attack)

Impatient (gave up driving the rig in Candy Carrier Chaos because the horn sucked)

Quick to Anger/Recklessness (doesn’t really think things through, can be rash)

Sans

*Can’t doge forever. Keep attacking.

Sans is a monster sealed underneath Mt. Ebott. Through most of the game, he’s depicted as a smiling, pun-telling, fourth wall breaking funny bone man. However, if you kill everyone in the game, he turns into one of the hardest boss fights in the entire game.

Pros:

Wide Variety of Weaponry (gravity manipulation, bone summoning, gaster blasters, KR, etc.)

Able to Dodge (this is unique in the game, as monsters don’t usually dodge attacks)

Able to Break The Normal Fighting System (attacking you on your turn, not letting you even have your turn)

Cons:

Low Stamina (can only dodge a certain amount of times, grows tired as battle progresses)

Stats (1 HP, 1 ATK)

Lazy (needs a lot of motivation to even start a fight)

Fight Explanation

So the way this fight will go is that we’re gonna assume that both characters are somehow teleported to a giant floating slab in the middle of nowhere, exactly as they are right now. Alright, let’s do this.

FIGHT

“JAX!! WHY DO YOU KEEP PUTTING CENTIPEDES IN MY ROOM!!!”

Ragatha’s screams echoed all through the tent, causing the inhabitants to stir out of their sleep. They didn’t blame Ragatha though, they all knew how much of a jerk Jax is.

“Chillax dollface, they’re not even real. All digital, remember?”

”WELL THEY FEEL REAL TO ME!!”

Ragatha attempted to hurl a sewing needle at Jax’s eye. He dodged it easily, and turned to face Ragatha, eyebrows raised.

“Really, dollface? I thought you knew better than tha-“

Suddenly, a shadow set upon the tent. Before anyone knew what was happening, a giant black hand had grabbed Jax and dragged him through the nearest door. Jax caught a glimpse of a swirling golden tower before being dropped onto a giant, flat, gray landscape.

Groaning, Jax got to his feet.

“Hey, what’s the big idea!?”

After dusting himself off, Jax looked around. He saw nothing but flat gray ground as far as the eye could see. Suddenly, from behind, he heard a voice. A low, menacing voice that shook him to his core.

“don’t you know how to greet a new pal? turn around… and s h a k e m y h a n d.”

Instinctively, Jax spun around and threw a punch. When he withdrew his fist from the air (he seemed to have missed his intended target), he saw a skeleton standing a few inches away with his hand outstretched.

“woahhh there pal, it’s just the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick.”

Jax was seething. First the stupid ragdoll had tried to kill him, and now this skeleton was mocking him. He was sure that this was one of Caine’s tricks, trying to make him “behave better”. Well he wasn’t going to take this, not from that damn AI and certainly not from one of his stupid NPC’s. He drew his fist back again and started trying to hit the skeleton anywhere he could, but no matter where he tried to punch, the skeleton seemed to be a few inches away.

“man, you really like trying to kill people you first meet. reminds me of a friend of mine.”

Sans decided that it was time to see if this rabbit was worth messing around with. Casually, he lifted up his hand and held Jax in place. Jax, stunned at his inability to move, watched as the skeleton’s ‘eyes’ went dark leaving 2 empty eye sockets that seemed to stare into his soul.

*Jax, LV. 19 - 54 ATK 48 DEF

*Seems he can’t be reasoned with…

“huh, LV. 19… wonder how you managed that.”

“What the hell are you on about skeleton, lemme go!” Jax was struggling against the invisible force holding him up. Sans obliged, letting him drop to the ground with a sickening crunch.

“Not like that, dumbass! I meant gently!”

Sans didn’t respond. He noticed the uneasy aura around Jax that he had previously thought was the eerie environment. This rabbit had to be stopped, lest it bring more chaos and destruction to its home.

“let’s just get to the point” Sans said, snapping his fingers

Jax whirled around. He was now in a 2 dimensional white box, facing the skeleton.

“Oh so that’s how you wanna do it huh, funny man?!? Give yourself a smaller space for you to run!?” Jax was fuming. He’d never seen anything like this.

”welp, i guess you know what they say… you don’t carrot all until someone shows that your actions aren’t white as fur.”

“Jeez that was awfu-“ Jax didn’t get a chance to finish because before he knew it, he was being slammed against one of the boxes walls. He quickly bounced back to his feet and lunged at the skeleton, barely missing the bones that shot out of the wall behind him. He charged, pulling a flintlock from behind his ears. He dodged more bones, then punched at the skeleton. As he had expected, the skeleton had dodged out of the way, but now he took aim and fired the flintlock right at the smiling idiot.

Sans still managed to dodge, driving the rabbit further into anger. Suddenly, a dragon skull almost as big as the fudge monster in the candy kingdom appeared and hit him square in the torso. It hurt like hell, but it couldn’t kill Jax.

“Hey stupid! I’m a human, not an NPC like you! You can’t exactly kill me!”

Sans stopped for a second. The rabbit’s words had confused him. Human? But this… thing clearly wasn’t human… right? Before he could ponder this question too much, he saw the bunny take aim again and dodged the bullet. Jax, now going to desperate measures to get one hit on the skeleton, pulled out a minigun he stole from the rig and opened fire on Sans.

Sans dodged all the bullets, but the constant assault was wearing him down. Very early in the battle, he decided to use his pre-special attack. Jax dropped his minigun as he was slammed from wall to wall, but he knew now how to dodge to bones. After hitting all for walls, he had to dodge around a bunch of bones.

”Is that all you got?!?” taunted Jax.

Sans’ smile widened as he stretched the box and sent the rabbit flying down the hall. Jax, not expecting this, was forced to twist his digital body in a way no normal body could to avoid the stream of bones down the hall he now zoomed down. He collided sharply with a wall and had to jump as yet more bones came at him. After that, yet more dragon skulls tried to blast him, forcing him to run screaming in circles. Finally, the blasters stopped, but then the skeleton grabbed him again and started outright pounding him against the walls.

At long last, all was silent. Jax was sprawled on the floor, flat as a pancake, while Sans was nearby, gasping and wheezing after all the effort he had used. Jax peeled himself up off the ground.

Holy shit, that hurt. This is the most brutal NPC that Caine’s ever made, thought Jax. He noticed the skeleton kneeling nearby. “Whassa matta with you bone man? All tuckered out?” Jax grinned malevolently, knowing his victory was within his grasp. Sans got to his feet.

“welp, guess it’s time for my special attack.” he said, grinning at the rabbitoid. Jax prepared himself, expecting bones, dragon skulls, or walls to rush him at any minute. But nothing came.

“So uhhh… wherezit at?” he asked.

Sans grin broadened. “this is my special attack. it’s nothing. and it ain’t gonna be anything either.”

Jax was puzzled. “You mean… you give up? Wow guess i’m better than even I thought.” He reached for one of his guns, but found there were none. No matter, he thought, i’ll just punch this guy into oblivion he stepped forward, and was instantly teleported back.

“nope. can’t attack yet. it’s not your turn.”

Jax narrowed his eyes. “You mean we’ve been fighting on the honor system this whole time?! That’s the stupidest shit i’ve ever heard!” He started running at the skeleton, but kept being teleported back.

Sans stared at him. “yep, common courtesy. i attack you, you attack me, so one so forth. an eye for an eye socket.”

“Quit… With… The… PUNS!!!” Jax yelled trying desperately to get at the skeleton, but no matter what he tried, he couldn’t get near him. This was too much for Jax. He wasn’t used to being unable to reach his goals, and now the ultimate NPC stood before him and he couldn’t kill him. Now laughing like a maniac, Jax started actually clawing at the invisible force driven between him and his adversary. Suddenly, black goop started running out of every orifice in his face. He doubled up, cackling, as the goop consumed him, sprouting multi-colored eyes all over his body. Jax had abstracted.

End of battle

Thoughts

This battle was hard to think about. As Jax technically can’t die, and Sans only dies if you don’t move during his final attack, this was tricky. Like I said, it all boils down to Sans’ final attack. In a battle of wills, who would win? Jax would have had to sit and do nothing for 5 minutes before getting the chance to strike at Sans, and I honestly couldn’t see him doing that (impatient bastard).

SANS WINS!

Do you agree with this? Lemme know in the comments how this would have gone in your mind. I read all comments and am really curious to hear your thoughts! :)

[2-dsimp]

Popular choice✨

—> [L] Bend over for his d*ck

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Cw: Fem! anatomy

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Congrats!

Time passes by 10min~

Current time is 3:10pm

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Heroic new kid! Aether Wants to strip you from your clothes! You don’t have a choice to resist his dominance.

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Suns: 10

Suns needed Brightened: 7

Sunshines brightened: 4

Lustful mode: 15%

Current affection lvl: 45

Envy 25% // Insanity 30%

Trust lvl: 15/100

———-

Increase in stats are locked until the sunlight zone ends🔒

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⚠️ Warning ⚠️ You’ve fed into his lust!

You can hear heavy footsteps from afar heading towards your direction.

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Y o u r c h o I c e s h a v e b e e n

T e r m I n a t e d F o r A e T h e r s T u r n

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Objective: Brighten up his day

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[A] let him take Shirt/bra

[B] Let him take Skirt/panties

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DISCLAIMER PLEASE READ!!

SINCE THIS IS NSFW 18+ CONTENT EVERYONE MUST HAVE THEIR AGE IN THEIR BIO IF YOU’RE TO REPLY/VOTE FOR THIS SCENARIO!!! MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI I’LL BE CHECKING! ANONS CANNOT VOTE BUT ARE ALLOWED TO MAKE COMMENTS!

UPDATE! IF SAID ANON HAS ALREADY REVEALED TO ME THEIR AGE IN MY DMS! THEY ARE ALLOWED TO VOTE ANONYMOUSLY!

IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY AGE IN YOUR BIO YOU WILL IMMEDIATELY GET BLOCKED! FOR THE DURATION OF THIS 18+ SCENARIO.

——————————/—/—————————————

Helpful inquiries ✨

[ainyan]

Kal'istae Miurani - Stats and Facts

B A S I C S

Name: Kal’istae Miurani

Nicknames: Kali

Age: 34 as of the beginning of Dawntrail

Nameday: 18th day of the 3rd Astral Moon

Race: Xaela Au Ra

Gender: Female

Orientation: Pansexual/Demi-Romantic

Relationship(s): Thancred Waters (Lover/Husband)

Profession: Warrior of Light

Canon Jobs: All Jobs

Main Jobs: White Mage, Summoner, Dancer, Paladin, Dragoon

Crafter/Gatherer: Yes (Omnicrafter/Gatherer)

P H Y S I C A L   A S P E C T S

Hair: Midnight blue with silver streaks. She keeps it long - hip length or longer, and bound in a braid that falls down along her spine.

Eyes: Indigo with glowing lavender limbal rings

Skin: Indigo with silver freckles and obsidian scales

Tattoos/scars: One tattoo: A meteor brand between her shoulder blades. She still hopes for the brand of an Archon someday. A number of small scars are scattered across her back, ribs, stomach, legs, and arms, evidence of her very active and combat-filled lifestyle.

F A M I L Y

Parents: Unnamed Dotharl Xaela

Siblings: No known blood siblings. Two adopted siblings in Sharlayan - Cassandra and Aidan Miurani. Two foster siblings in Ishgard - Artoirel and Emmanellain de Fortemps.

Grandparents: Unnamed Dotharl Xaela

In-laws and Other: Ryne Waters (Stepdaughter)

Pets: Numerous various animals and mammets

S K I L L S

Abilities: Skilled in magic, gathering, crafting, fighting. Particularly skilled in alchemy, cooking, sewing, and jewelry making. Adept Summoner with access to all known Egis.

Hobbies: Making plushes, particularly of animals she’s encountered or people she knows. She keeps most of them for herself, but will gift them to her special people or occasionally barter them for goods she needs.

T R A I T S

Most Positive Trait: Patience. Kal’istae has infinite patience when dealing with almost anything, whether it’s waiting for news, helping those in need, teaching her goldsmithing students, or awaiting Thancred’s return from wherever he’s run off to.

Most Negative Trait: Low self-esteem. Despite her notoriety and fame, Kal’istae does not look at herself the same way everyone else does. She does not see the miracles she has wrought or the good deeds she has done, only the mistakes she has made and the cost in lives lost to her inability to solve every problem.

L I K E S

Colors: Purple, blue, teal, lavender, silver, gold

Smells: Warm leather, gunpowder, gun oil, lavender, sage, wild roses, starflowers, fresh churned earth.

Textures: Silk, smooth wood, smooth stone, velvet, soft petals, cold water

Drinks: Hot tea, water, sweet red wine, hot chocolate

O T H E R    D E T A I L S

Smokes: Never

Drinks: Occasionally, but only when around others and when there is someone else abstaining

Drugs: Never

Mount Issuance: Kal’istae was claimed early by a rental chocobo from Mimigun in Ul’dah, and when she was given her issuance from the Flames, she immediately chose her friend and named him Zhikanikoth, or Zeek for short. It was many years later that the memory of her first chocobo companion, also named Zhikankioth, returned to her and she realized that her first companion was none other than her current companion, waiting those five long years for his mistress to return. She also has a very large number of mounts she has gathered over the years, but none so beloved as her Zeek.

Been Arrested: What?? No! (Being arrested for a false accusation of regicide doesn’t count!)

Tagged by: @paintedscales

Tagging: No one in particular, but if no one else has tagged you and you would like to do this, consider yourself tagged by me!

[clingtomefic]

Update: And then I gave myself a nosebleed drawing an art trade, so now it has a cover. Art is for @80smen-fanclub, signature inspired by @theantichris, because their version of his handwriting is exactly what I imagine when I write about it. Big celebrity scrawl and hearts.

I saw a post go by talking about these two and how they could easily develop chemistry, and I had to agree, so I fic'd about it. Here's a oneshot (MULTICHAPTER FUCKING OBSESSION).

Max had a small changing screen tucked into the corner, and Trapper thumbed through the dresses curiously until he landed on a white Nurse's gown, the classic style with an old red medic patch added to the shoulder. He pulled that one out and held it up, and Max came up to him, asking hesitantly, “Trap, you're not…you won't get mad, right?” “No, I might do something if I lose, but it won't be violence.” Trap returned easily, catching his chin on a knuckle and picking it up. “Might kiss you, Max, that's more likely.” “Oh.” Max looked surprised again, like he hadn't bothered chasing this scenario this far, and that pretty blush rushed back to his face, the corner of his mouth quirking up, “I…yeah, that wouldn't hurt my feelings.”

---------------------------------------

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: M/M

Fandom: MASH (TV)

Relationship: "Trapper" John McIntyre/Maxwell Klinger

Language: English

Series: Part 1 of M*A*S*H Fever

Stats: Published: 2024-05-11, Words: (nervous laughter), Chapters: 1/???????????(Goddamn it.)

[sylaurin]

Kabniel Shinespark - Stats and Facts

B A S I C S

Name: Kabniel Shinespark

Nicknames: Kab, Sparks

Age: 22 as of the beginning of Dawntrail

Nameday: 7th Sun of the 4th Astral Moon

Race: Hyur Midlander

Gender: Female (mtf trans)

Orientation: Pansexual/polyamorous

Profession: Adventurer, small business owner

P H Y S I C A L   A S P E C T S

Hair: Black with orange highlights, kept long but worn up in braids/tails

Eyes: Green

Skin: tan

Tattoos/scars: none(yet)

F A M I L Y

Parents: Bio parents are Iskra (mother) and Thiago (father) who were part of a Garlean spy network in Ala Mhigo prio to the invasion but fled to Eorzea after becoming pregnant but we captured by XIVth legion recon teams shortly after the twins were born (ultimate fate unknown). Adoptive parents are Defiant Oak (dad) and Silver Allium (mom) a Roegadyn couple that took her in after her "grandfather" died.

Siblings: she has a twin brother (that I haven't named yet), separated as babies in the incident that took their parents. They've met each other in their adventures but have no clue they're related.

Grandparents: Rennir a hyur highlander Monk that found baby Kabniel in a wrecked chocobo cart

In-laws and Other: the Leveilleur family from her bond with Alisaie (which includes Thancred in this AU) and the Dotharl tribe (which includes the WoL Kal’istae Miurani) through her bond with Sadu

Pets: None

S K I L L S

Abilities: Highly skilled martial artist, knows a little bit about magitek (enough to keep her bike on the road without having to rely on the Iron Works overmuch), learned to make various drinks (hard and soft) while working in Costa Del Sol.

Hobbies: Training, competitive fighting, traveling, mischief

T R A I T S

Most Positive Trait: Determination, nothing short of hydaelyn herself can stop Kabniel once she is on her path.

Most Negative Trait: Rowdy, loud and proud. She's often rude and indelicate.

L I K E S

Colors: Orange, red, pink, gold, blue, purple

Smells: the ocean, mountain air, rain, sweat, citrus

Textures: Silk, smooth wood, smooth stone, soft petals, cold water

Drinks: Hot and Iced tea, water, sweet red wine, hot chocolate, mixed drinks

O T H E R    D E T A I L S

Smokes: Never

Drinks: socially on occasion

Drugs: Never

Mount Issuance: She generally didn't have the time or resources to own and maintain a chocobo of her own so she typically walked or rented a bird if she needed to move fast. Eventually though she managed to scrape up enough to commission Nero to build her her motorcycle.

Been Arrested: Yes

Tagged by @paintedscales

[fumifooms]

Do you know about the Marchil h-doujin, just called "Marchil Meshi"? (Dunno wether you're comfortable about adult content regarding the ship. If not, sorry and feel free to ignore).

Imagine my surprise… When a few months ago, I was looking up places to buy doujins for dunmeshi online bc of that new-ish laimar (sfw) doujin and I find, many many nsfw ones bUT AMONGST THE HORDE… MARCHIL MESHI. I ate it up. It’s a lil iconic to me ngl, I quote it in my head sometimes. Marcille angrily gesturing always gets me cackling. It honestly has no business being this good, it was made pretty early on in the story so many years ago, and STILL! So in character, and honestly so funny, AND no weird business either. Like listen, I scour the internet, looking for any marchil content, any marchil content at all… And find a dry af desert, no life here, literally jackshit nothing. Only Pixiv has some afaik but the nsfw is def… Hm. 😔 (2 fics tagged chirumaru on there btw!! That aren’t mine lol) Thank you marchil meshi author if I had to pick 1 piece of marchil nsfw to exist I’d choose this one (honestly that’s already so close to reality lol) Thank u Asaki Takayuki I owe u my life. I like zines but I’ve never bought doujins before so it didn’t cross my mind, but dunmeshi is taking a lot of my first times in fandom engagement and I bought said laimar doujin just the other day hehe 

I do want to keep my blog generally sfw but yes I’m 100% cheering on nsfw marchil content from the shadows, glad that ao3’s finally getting some too. I hope that fic writer makes more… Tallman Chil is so so good but I hope they also do some more general premises, which the end notes on that one do make me hopeful 👀 I want more marchil writers in general. More marchil fanartists. Sfw nsfw idk I need to be fed 😭 (<- This post was drafted before that new marchil smut fic WOOHOO. So much new marchil content this week!!)

Oh while I’m here, I find this so funny/odd, but in japanese fandom ship names are simply the beginning of each name smushed together, like marchil or chilmar. The order of the names is that the first one is the "top"… Idk how jp fandoms live without switches but aight, but in m/f ships this means that typically the man is the first half of the ship name right. WELL WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT marchil is so much more used than chilmar lmaoo. Even more stats: On Pixiv, the tag marchil had all the artworks, but the chilmar tag had all the fics. Ain’t that wack to think about. Anyways marchil or chilmar idc you go guys

Sighh thinking about them. They are so "I beg your pardon??!" "Then beg", "Fuck you!" "Fuck me yourself you coward"… Forget stamens and pistils, Chil is the cursed "You see, there are keys and there are locks…"

More under cut since I don’t get to talk about this often, screenshots and hcs for horny time

^ said panel that lives rent free in my head and makes me giggle. I wish I’d just put the whole page here it’s my fave but nahh go find it yourself

Why are they like this. Like what is thatttt

I need to stop collecting these I’m making myself feel insane (thank you fic writer for that last one I’d never noticed but omg)

Alright hc time what was I gonna talk about… Ah yes ah yes. I def think Chil is a pest, he’s horny and he wants sex and is flagrant about it, but also we know that he stayed faithful for 4 years without getting any, I feel like realistically the relationship sex wise would 100% be on Marcille’s pace. And this is the fun part, bc would Marcille be very eager? Would she want to do the romance book correct™️ route and that means no tapping until marriage, or he needs to court her all princely first? I hc that elves have a much lower libido than humans because of the whole long af lifespan thing, it’d be kinda funny if Marcille was like "Let’s take things slow… 🥺" aka first base achieved after two years of being together lol

But seee that’s the thing too bc Marcille is so afraid of loss she might rush through things as well, she very well could like, jump on him right after confessing. Is Chilchuck kind of a shithead or is he very gentlemanly and romantic, wanting to do it right and treat her well? They are such a blank canvas of sexual chemistry listen LISTENNN there are just so so many ways you can go with them they are so special. God the banter… They cannot stop bantering for a second I swear So many kinks they could fit… I like uhh praise kink for him and for her… Idk she just really loves him and the emotional adoration is what’s at the core of her enjoying it all so like, loving Chilchuck kink, which turns out those two really match together 🫶 He makes her sing and ummm um you see where this goes. They are so grossly in love and into each other

They are so domestic. I hate them

[delicateartisantrash]

My Mom Is Cool

My mom is unfamiliar with the term "robofucker" and has probably not heard me say "robot porn" because i think i usually say Allen or just Transformer or something

Anyhow she just referred to one of my stories i was showing her the stats on (my mom likes following my author blog progress and she also sometimes reads the reviews with me we're silly yes) as Techno Smut and I

how was I today years old hearing that for the first time

I love it

I'm stealing it

T e c h n o s m u t

conversations I never thought I'd have with my mom, I adore her.

[eidingate]

B A S I C S

Name Eidin Kupfohcwin Nicknames Probably more than she remembers. Eid to some, Little Fox to family friends. Age Turning 34 right before Dawntrail Nameday 32nd Sun of the 3rd Umbral Moon (RIP to her parents hoping she would be delayed one more day to be born a under the nice steady month of Byregot rather than the capricious month of Oschon) Race Sea Wolf Roegadyn Gender Cis female? More likely genderfluid Orientation Bisexual Profession Part-time Warrior of Light, full-time menace against the Empire, occasional craftsperson.

P H Y S I C A L     A S P E C  T S

Hair Turquoise with golden highlights, reminiscent of oxidized copper. Currently worn short with a metric ton of pomade keeping it styled. Eyes Marigold orange Skin Pale turquoise green Tattoos/scars Hands are heavily scarred with nicks and burns from reaching into still-hot magitek machines. She's definitely earned some more significant scars over the years across her back and torso. What tattoos she has are strategically hidden, but one is a jackdaw, representing her family.

F A M I L Y

Parents Wintgeim - Mother. A mechanic and former sky pirate. She leads a band of roving magitek scavengers, the Winter Jackdaws. She has a big, fierce personality and is strongly protective of her little band. Kupfohc - Father. A Sharlayan scholar who hired her mother as a guide while he investigated the environmental effects of magitek around Ilsabard and wound up never returning to his studies. He's a gentle soul with a love of music. He was basically disowned when he chose not to return to Sharlayan. Siblings Thuvwilt - Older brother Fraeswys - Younger sister Grandparents Opylona - Grandmother. She basically raised Eidin and her siblings when they were too young to go on scavenging jobs with their parents. In-laws and Other Her mother's scavenger band is her wider family -- some by blood and many others not. Not surprisingly, this ambiguous style of adoptive family has translated into her adopting the Scions as well. Pets Sadly she never stays anywhere long enough to want the responsibility of pets long-term, but she falls in love with many friends' pets and spoils them rotten.

S K I L L S

Abilities In combat, Eidin's skills lie in dancing around the edges of the battlefield before delivering quick, precise strikes. She is master of all physical ranged weaponry, but often turns to the Red Mage foil for its versatility. She is constantly on the move, weaving in and out of range of the enemy and scanning for weaknesses. Out of combat, she dumped all her stats into charisma. She's adaptable to different groups of people of various cultures, high class and low. She's quick to gain people's trust, and trades often in favors. She dabbles in new skills wherever she can, making her very much a jack-of-all-trades, but rarely sticks with anything for long. Hobbies She's a bit of a tinkerer who delights in taking things apart just to put them back together differently. She likes making little clockwork contraptions out of scrap parts -- nothing so intelligent as a mammet (she's not sure she can take the existential questions around creating something smart enough to talk back), but with some basic functions. She also plays the violin, though this is one of the few things that she is shy about performing in front of others.

T R A I T S

Most Positive Trait Give her five minutes, and she will become your best friend. Warm and open and fascinated by everyone around her. Most Negative Trait Being everything to everyone and constantly changing yourself to suit their expectations surely has no long-term repercussions right??

L I K E S

Colors Gold, orange, shades of blues and greens Smells Lavender, campfire smoke, fresh bread, crushed pine needles, bergamot tea with a splash of honey Textures Well-worn leather, smooth chocobo feathers, freshly-polished gemstones Drinks Chilled mead in the summer, warmed rum on chill nights. Rich heavy porters. Black tea with a bit of milk and honey.

O T H E R    D E T A I L S

Smokes Only socially. You never know when you might need to offer a cigarette to a bored Garlean sentry to keep them occupied or press them for information. Drinks All kinds. The local establishment is the best way to learn about a new place, after all, and what kind of liquor a place produces says much about their culture. Drugs She's been known to partake of the fogweed on occasion Mount Issuance Eidin loves chocobos so so so much and turns to them during quiet periods when there are few dangers expected on the road. Her company-issued chocobo is named Fisticuffs for its habit of trying to fight everything and everyone. She has a few favored chocobos that she'll rent out in different regions when her own is too far away. There is no in-game mount that quite fits, but I like to think she's got a heavily modified magitek vehicle that's flight-capable -- something like the Magitek Sky Armor but much more homemade. Been Arrested Ask her about this after a beer or two.

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Tagged by @elliewiltarwyn! Thanks for the tag!

I feel like I'm late to the party on this BUT just in case you haven't done it yet and are waiting to be tagged, I nominate @ravandfriendsxiv, @amons-hat-enthusiast, @oathkeeper-kima

Totally optional, of course!

[syn4k]

taking vitamins A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z after a workout so that i can max out all of my stats, gain 1 Strength level, and ace my next English assignment which is due tomorrow