#Luka adolescence

[vanskyfox]

Luka

[lune-moon-nuit]

I think for some people it’s kinda hard for them to grasp the idea that Mike could be queer because they haven’t seen any hints that they are used to being given when a character’s sexuality is being questioned. Think Mickey from Shameless and Lukas from Eyewitness. With both of those shows and characters we are given confirmation at the start of their journey, or close to it, that they are in fact not straight because we see them acting on those feelings and throughout the show they have to learn to accept themselves. Mickey and Ian literally have sex together and Lukas and Philip were headed in that direction as well at the start of their storyline. Other shows might show their character on some dating app looking at guys or have the characters’ friend accidentally find their gay porn magazine or something that clearly outlines to the audience that they are queer and marks the beginning of this self discovery journey. It’s easier to see moments of projecting feelings and internalized homophobia from characters who you basically already know are queer. The audience follows them along that journey the whole way, so there’s not many moments where you find yourself questioning their behavior. Whereas with Mike we haven’t had his pov since season 2. We don’t know what he’s thinking. We don’t have the full picture yet, so it’s easy for the audience to see his behavior and to immediately write him off as an asshole. They aren’t given a clear reasoning for it. Both Mickey and Lukas were assholes at some point (or multiples points) throughout their coming out storylines because they were struggling with those feelings of internalized homophobia and being looked at like they were different. Both of them had girlfriends or were at least trying to seem straight to those around them by feigning interest in women. BUT the difference is that the audience knows they are lying. With Mike you assume he’s telling the truth because you haven’t been given a clear reason to think differently. We are uncovering his sexuality and his story kinda in reverse. Season 4 was the most obvious he’s been and it solidified a lot of peoples beliefs that he is queer and now we are working backwards slowly finding hints here and there trying to piece together his full story. We are following breadcrumbs not a fully carved out stone path. Mike is also a queer kid in the 80’s, unlike those other characters who are set in the present, so it makes sense to have his feelings be less obvious or out there because they can’t be. He doesn’t have anyone to turn to or a possible positive outlook on his confusing feelings like those other gay characters might. I don’t even think he’s aware of them most of the time.

We see what he gives us and only that. There are some outside hints and subtle nods to his queerness (one way sign, closet placement, posters..etc) but not at the level that other shows might hint at a gay characters sexuality. We aren’t on the journey with him step-by-step. We’re looking at consistencies in his character and comparing his relationships to one another trying to understand him and his feelings from season to season. We are, for the most part, on the outside looking in trying to decipher those clues. Come season 5, I think we will be part of that journey the whole way.

I completely agree with you. I think it’s precisely the way they scattered little breadcrumbs everywhere without making Mike’s sexuality obvious from the start that makes his arc with Will and El so compelling. The fact that we don’t have his point of view is exactly why the audience struggles to notice that he’s gay. And I find that very realistic. It’s like observing a real teenager—no one, except for the person themselves, is there to witness the intimate and private moments that confirm their sexuality (aside from a public coming out). The only thing we can do is guess or suspect an adolescent’s orientation based on what we see of them and the information we gather from spending time with them—without them explicitly stating, “I’m gay and I’m dating a guy.” And I think that’s exactly the case with Mike.

But that’s precisely why I love the Byler arc—because we don’t have direct access to Mike’s perspective within their dynamic from the beginning. The uncertainty, the ambiguity, the process of connecting the dots, rethinking things, asking questions, rewatching the series, and realizing new details—that’s what makes it so engaging.

Mickey’s storyline in Shameless is fantastic as a deeply closeted gay character with intense internalized homophobia, largely due to the environment he grew up in—especially his father, who is an absolute monster. But there’s zero subtlety in his arc. There’s no need to analyze Mickey’s bedroom, and the Shameless creators didn’t choose specific colors or camera angles to drop hidden clues, because the script itself already tells the audience everything they need to know through dialogue. Mickey and Ian’s story is very dialogue-driven. And I think that’s intentional.

Shameless aims to be a realistic series, where we experience things alongside the characters, which is why its cinematography feels like an amateur documentary, as if someone is filming their daily lives with a handheld camera. It’s not shot using highly stylized, professional cinematic techniques like the Duffer Brothers, who are more in the vein of Stanley Kubrick in The Shining: nothing is left to chance. If the curtain is yellow, it’s yellow for a reason—whether it’s symbolic, a hidden message, or a clue. If a specific word is used in dialogue, it’s intentional. If a book is placed prominently on a piece of furniture, it’s meant to be seen. If a character is illuminated in a certain way, if a particular shot is flooded with light, it means something. Every single piece of furniture, every line of dialogue, every color, every lighting choice, every setting—everything we see and hear in Stranger Things (including the soundtrack) has a purpose, directly tied to the story and the characters’ arcs. That’s the magic of cinematic language and why it’s an art form—everything has meaning.

That’s why cinephiles love analyzing Kubrick’s The Shining or dissecting Stranger Things. Both approaches evoke different emotions and suit their respective series perfectly. But yes, this method of gradually revealing Mike’s contradictions and internal conflicts, so that even after four seasons we’re still rewatching to fully understand because we don’t have his perspective, is brilliant and fascinating. And finally getting his point of view in Season 5 will be the long-awaited answer that unlocks so much!

[egg-witch]

Alright I promised I'd do a proper theory post so here it is

~ On The Lifespan And Development Of Long-Life Species ~

☆ Xianzhou native humans:

Can live for thousands of years and do not die of old age, rather eventually succumb to mara.

My theory is that their physical development is not directly proportional to a regular human's but slows exponentially: as young children they grow at a typical human rate, then progressively more slowly over time.

Yanqing in the new event estimates himself to be the same age as Luka, who appears as a late teen or young adult, so from this we can gather that by around 18-20 a Xianzhou long-life human has equivalent physical maturity to a young teen. We also know thanks to Huaiyan that they do (or at least, can) continue to age past physical maturity. While we don't really know for sure what's going on with Huaiyan specifically we have been told that he is the oldest of the Arbiter-Generals, and potentially many times older than everyone else we've seen, so it's not a huge leap to assume Xianzhou natives just age extremely slowly past adulthood and most become mara-struck long before they show signs of advanced age.

Culturally, it seems the age of adulthood for Xianzhou humans is variously considered to be 100-200 years old, which also supports this. I do see that as predominantly a social consequence of their longevity and lifestyle, and indeed we know they tend to appear as adults well before the age of 100, though there are suggestions that continuing to grow taller beyond that age is plausible. My impression is that it's typical to spend up to a century or maybe even longer hovering in that late adolescent almost-fully-grown state, by which point physical development has slowed to a crawl.

Adding Xianzhou cultural notions of what constitutes cognitive and emotional maturity (the mental hallmarks of having existed for hundreds of years) = they spend a long time functionally adults but not quite regarded as such by their society.

☆ Vidyadhara:

By contrast, it seems the Vidyadhara typically age at a rate linearly comparable to short-life humans, just much slower, with physical maturity taking 100-200 years to reach and maximum lifespan being around 700 before they must reincarnate. Though we've seen few examples of this (actually I don't know if there have been any in the game itself, though Dan Heng alludes to it in the 2.5 story) the Vidyadhara do physically grow old as they approach this mark.

Complicating things, it's becoming more common over time for Vidyadhara to have stunted physical growth and spend centuries or even their whole lives with the appearance of children - this seems to be purely physical. Bailu is a special case here as it's hinted that her development is being intentionally blocked by the device on her tail.

High Elders are implied to perhaps also be a special case, though this should be taken with a grain of salt as the evidence here is a comment in the context of an exaggerated story as well as one of Dan Heng's Imbibitor Lunae eidolon pictures. It's possible that they are reborn already being mostly or fully physically mature and do not age normally as a result of inheriting the High Elder powers.

Interactions with the Vidyadhara eggs in Scalegorge Waterscape seem to imply that a Vidyadhara can potentially spend several centuries within an egg before being reborn, as some of the inhabitants of the eggs are suggested to have entered hatching rebirth shortly after the Sedition of Imbibitor Lunae and still have yet to hatch, though it's possible these memory impressions are from previous incarnations.

☆ Foxians:

Foxians are the shortest-lived of the "long-life" Xianzhou inhabitants, with a maximum lifespan between 250-450 years. Notably, they appear physically youthful until almost the end of their natural lives, aging rapidly in their final few years.

We don't have much direct evidence regarding how quickly they grow as children, though at a guess I would say the same as short-life humans given their mechanism of longevity is stated to be "an abundance of powerful stem cells" which doesn't sound like it would slow their development so much as just prevent them from age-related degeneration.

[projectdivapolls]

The results are in!

Which module from A Song of Wastelands, Forests, and Magic is better? Gallia Squad 7 (49.4%)

Which module from ACUTE is better? Amour (60.2%)

Which module from Adolescence is better? Adolescence Princess (73.9%)

Which module from Akatsuki Arrival is better? Successor (65.8%)

Which KAITO module from Cantarella is better? Rosa Blue (70%)

Which MIKU module from Cantarella is better? Rosa Bianca (87.1%)

Which module from Cendrillon is better? Princess Blanche (80.8%)

Which module from Colorful×Melody is better? Colorful Gumdrop (58.8%)

Which module from Colorful×Sexy is better? Fairy Macaron (65.6%)

Which module from Doubleganger is better? Liar (54.5%)

Which module from Erase or Zero is better? Originator (67.6%)

Which module from Fire◎Flower is better? Starmine (88.6%)

Which module from Gemini is better? Asymmetric R (78.4%)

Which module from Glory 3usi9 is better? Rainbow Lines (63.6%)

Which module from Interviewer is better? Interviewer Miku (59%)

Which module from Karakuri Pierrot/Clockwork Clown is better? Marionette (60.8%)

Which module from Kagamine Hachi Hachi Flower Fight is better? Phoenix Moon/Hougetsu (50.8%)

Which module from Knife is better? Thorned Rose (35.2%)

Which module from Love-Hate/Suki Kirai is better? Dreaming Panda (70.3%)

Which module from Magnet is better? Megurine Luka Blossom (53.8%)

Which module from Mousou Sketch is better? Mousou Girl Miku (59.3%)

Which module from Pinky Swear is better? Kasha (69.1%)

Which module from Piano×Forte×Scandal is better? Phantom Thief Rin (35.9%)

Which module from Promise is better? Kagamine Rin Cute (74.1%)

Which module from Remote Controller is better? Receiver (62.2%)

Which module from Rin-chan Now! is better? Rin-chan's #2 Fan (54.8%)

Which module from Senbonzakura is better? Ni-no-Sakura Butterfly (31.2%)

Which module from shake it! is better? Trip The Light Fantastic (50.7%)

Which module from SING&SMILE is better? Cheerful Rin (40.8%)

Which module from Snowman is better? Diamond Dust (59.5%)

Which module from Solitude's End is better? Black Star (77.8%)

Which module from Soundless Voice is better? Ciel (59.5%)

Which module from Summer Idol is better? Polka Dot Bikini (65.3%)

Which module from Terekakushi Shishunki is better? Bashful Parka Blue (56.1%)

Which module from Tricolore Airline is better? Cabin Attendant Luka (48%)

Which module from Unhappy Refrain is better? Agitation (41%)

Which module from Wintry Winds is better? Momiji (85%)

Which MIKU module from World's End Dancehall is better? Conflicted (57.6%)

Which LUKA module from World's End Dancehall is better? Conflict (82.9%)

Which module from World is Mine is better? Supreme (68.3%)

Which module from 1925 is better? Conductor Rose (36.1%)

Overall, the winner is: Luka with the highest wins-to-polls ratio! (8/11, or 72.7%)

[heywoodsays]

Top 10 Films of 2024

I’ve written before on how silly the exercise of coming up with an annual “top ten films” list always is. And yet, the tradition continues. One of the things I take away from the experience is the opportunity to parse through the dozens of movies I’ve watched in the past year and try to identify what exactly makes some movies speak to me more than others.

I found that especially challenging this year — not because there were so many remarkable films, or too few worth considering. But other than a few genuine standouts (4.5 to 5 stars), I thought there were so many solid films that I thoroughly enjoyed (4 stars), it was difficult to sift through them to decide “which was better.” In a sense, coming up with a top 20 was easy, but arriving at a top 10 was not.

I have, at times, tried very hard to distinguish between the concepts of “best films” and “favorite films,” but I’ve learned that such a distinction is murky at best. Our personal biases, preferences, life experiences, and so on play an indubitable role in our appreciation of a movie. For most people, those elements probably hold more weight than the various cinematic skills used to bring those stories to life.

But for those of us who have taken a more immersive approach, the trick lies in finding the appropriate balance.

There are films on my list this year that by no means rival the cinematic achievements of films not on the list, in either technique or narrative. And I must admit that some longstanding genre biases I may hold may have prevented me from fully enjoying some of the year’s most interesting work. (Spoiler alert: The Substance didn’t make my list.)

What matters most to me, though, is that ten years from now, I’ll be able to look at this list and remember who I was with respect to the world around me — what inspired me; what brought me to tears; what made my heart smile; what advanced my love for the movies.

I hope everyone had that experience with a few movies this year. Here are the ones that top my list for 2024.

T10. Dìdi

Dir: Sean Wang

I swear this isn’t cheating, but I’ve selected two movies for my #10 slot as both are coming-of-age stories with vastly different approaches but similar affects (yes, with an ‘a’).

In Sean Wang’s Dìdi, we meet 13-year-old Chris, a second-generation Taiwanese American, in the summer of 2008. We journey with Chris (called “Dìdi” by his grandmother) over the weeks leading up to the start of high school as he struggles with the absence of his father, his strained relationship with his mother, internalized racism, first love, belonging, and — that most heart-wrenching of dilemmas — when your best friend demotes you from their MySpace “Top 8.”

Perhaps this resonates so strongly with me as the son of a single immigrant mother, but I find Dìdi to be authentic and warm without wallowing in sentimentality. Wang offers us relatable, vulnerable characters who we can’t help but root for, despite their flaws.

Rotten Tomatoes: 96%

IMDb: 7.3/10

Letterboxd: 4.0/5

Metacritic: 78/100

Where to watch: Streaming now on Prime Video

T10. Young Hearts

Dir: Anthony Schatteman

On surface level, there’s nothing particularly groundbreaking about the Belgian film Young Hearts; it might resemble any other teen romance. But Young Hearts just does it better. The young actors approach the subject matter with maturity and deliver powerful performances. Young Hearts inadvertently follows a lineage of recent movies exploring LGBTQ+ themes in early adolescence, namely 2023’s Monster and 2022’s Close — Best International Feature Oscar nominee and my #1 pick that year. (Lukas Dhont, who wrote and directed Close, co-wrote the script for Young Hearts with Schatteman.)

Young Hearts doesn’t quite match either of its predecessors in cinematic achievement. But while the other films lean in heavily on the tragedy that accompanies navigating complex emotions and relationships, Young Hearts focuses on the joy, which makes it just as important, if not more so. It’s exactly the kind of film I wish I could have seen when I was growing up.

IMDb: 8.1/10

Letterboxd: 4.0/5

Where to watch: Coming to US theaters March 14

9. No Other Land

Dir: Yuval Abraham, Basel Adra, Hamdan Ballal

A front-runner for this year’s Documentary Feature Oscar, No Other Land tells the story of Palestinian activist Basel Adra, as he persists in his struggle to save his small village in the West Bank from forced displacement by Israeli forces. He is joined by Yuval, an aspiring Israeli journalist sympathetic to Basel’s cause. We painstakingly observe how the system works against them to bring them down at every point. We are both inspired and perplexed by their resilience, as when Israeli police imprison Basel’s father as leverage or the media paint Yuval as a traitor to his own people. But mostly, we are moved — saddened and angered by the callousness and injustice of it all.

Rotten Tomatoes: 100%

IMDb: 8.3/10

Letterboxd: 4.5/5

Metacritic: 93/100

Where to watch: In theaters now

8. หลานม่า (How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies)

Dir: Pat Boonnitipat

How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies is classic storytelling with a moral, but with a distinctly modern take. The film’s poignant themes touch on universal truths regarding love, family, and money, while addressing cultural matters, like ageism and gender dynamics within Sino-Thai culture. But at the heart of the film is its meaningful message, highlighted by the stellar performances of newcomers Putthipong Assaratanakul and (especially) Usha Seamkhum, who makes her film debut at age 78. With its harmonious blend of humor and pathos, How to Make Millions Before Grandma Dies is one of the year’s most charming films.

Rotten Tomatoes: 98%

IMDb: 8.0/10

Letterboxd: 4.3/5

Metacritic: 74/100

Where to watch: Rent or buy on Amazon or Apple TV

7. Ainda Estou Aqui (I’m Still Here)

Dir: Walter Salles

I’m Still Here recounts the true story of the disappearance of Ruben Paiva, a former Brazilian politician turned dissident, and the resilience of his family during the ensuing years of hardship and uncertainty. The story focuses mainly on his wife, Eunice, portrayed by Fernanda Torres in one of the year’s best performances. While the filmmaking itself is exceptional, I’m Still Here is made more compelling by the current relevance of its narrative — the importance of resisting oppressive regimes and seeking the truth, regardless of how long it takes or how dark things seem.

Rotten Tomatoes: 97%

IMDb: 8.7/10

Letterboxd: 4.3/5

Metacritic: 85/100

Where to watch: In theaters now

6. All We Imagine as Light

Dir: Payal Kapadia

There were few film characters I cared more about this year than Prabha and Anu, the Indian nurses who feature at the center of All We Imagine as Light. The film paints a vivid picture of life in Mumbai through the eyes of women who face various challenges due to societal norms — a husband from an arranged marriage working half a world away; a Muslim boyfriend sure to be reviled and rejected by Hindu parents; a widow losing her home because her name doesn’t appear on any of the documents. Despite its incredible cinematography and beautiful imagery, there is nothing flashy about this film. It is intimate, subtle, and contemplative.

Rotten Tomatoes: 100%

IMDb: 7.1/10

Letterboxd: 3.9/5

Metacritic: 93/100

Where to watch: Rent or buy on Prime Video or Apple TV

5. Wicked

Dir: Jon M. Chu

No, this is not just because I’m a former musical theater kid. Wicked isn’t even close to my favorite musical and I’m typically very skeptical of film adaptions of popular musicals, which I think seldom do them justice. But Wicked succeeds where others have failed. It is surprisingly cinematic — grand and enthralling, excelling on every technical level. Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande give A+ performances and the film really rests on their shoulders. Wicked perfectly balances paying enough tribute to fans of the stage show who have high expectations with crafting a version fit for the silver screen. I did not expect to leave the theater thinking, “This is one of the best movies of the year.” But I did.

Rotten Tomatoes: 88%

IMDb: 7.6/10

Letterboxd: 3.9/5

Metacritic: 73/100

Where to watch: Streaming on Peacock, starting March 21

4. Nickel Boys

Dir: RaMell Ross

Nickel Boys is simultaneously the most harrowing film of 2024 and the most groundbreaking. RaMell Ross’s decision to use a first-person perspective to tell the story of two young boys’ experience at a Tallahassee reform school in the 1960s allows us to feel everything more deeply — the deep bond of friendship, the harsh cruelty of racism, the love of family, the dissolution of hope, the power of resilience. Some dismiss this cinematic technique as a gimmick, but I find it ultimately serves the story well and makes Nickel Boys one of the standout films of the year.

Rotten Tomatoes: 91%

IMDb: 7.1/10

Letterboxd: 4.0/5

Metacritic: 91/100

Where to watch: Streaming now on MGM+

3. Sing Sing

Dir: Greg Kwedar

No other film in 2024 was as moving or heartfelt as Sing Sing, the true story of inmates in New York’s notorious maximum-security prison who find community and healing in a theater troupe. Colman Domingo gives a career-best performance leading a cast primarily comprised of former inmates. Clarence Maclin deserved an Oscar nomination for his strong performance as well.

The film touches on many of the systemic issues that plague our justice system but asks us to look deeper, into the microlevel impacts and personal stories. I was moved throughout, but the closing montage of actual footage of former troupes of Rehabilitation Through the Arts (RTA) program was most inspirational.

Rotten Tomatoes: 97%

IMDb: 7.7/10

Letterboxd: 4.3/5

Metacritic: 83/100

Where to watch: Streaming on Max starting March 21

2. Conclave

Dir: Edward Berger

Who would have thought that one of the most thrilling movies of the year would be a film about clergy and voting? Conclave benefits from an outstanding cast — perhaps the strongest of any film this year — and an enthralling screenplay. I’ve seen criticism for the lack of ingenuity in the dialogue, which I understand to a degree, but as someone who lived and worked among clergy for many years, I can vouch for its realism.

And that is perhaps what makes Conclave so powerful. As fantastical as its ending may be, every step along the way feels so rooted in reality, we can believe it to be true. We can feel our own selves sequestered behind the walls of the Vatican. Our bodies feel the tension in the Sistine Chapel during each vote and our minds wander in the same way the cardinals’ minds must.

Conclave is a provocative and riveting drama that effectively accomplishes everything it tries to do.

Rotten Tomatoes: 93%

IMDb: 7.4/10

Letterboxd: 3.9/5

Metacritic: 79/100

Where to watch: Streaming now on Peacock

---

And before revealing my top pick for 2024, here are the 9 other films that rounded out my Top 20 (in alphabetical order):

Honorable mentions:

Anora

The Brutalist

Challengers

A Complete Unknown

Daughters

A Different Man

Flow

Ghostlight

The Wild Robot

1. Dune: Part Two

Dir: Denis Villeneuve

Nothing has aggravated me more this award season than the lack of acknowledgement for the masterpiece that is Dune: Part Two. In this epic sequel, director Denis Villeneuve surpasses the incredible achievements he made in the first film. And for those who have read the book and seen previous attempts to transfer its complexity to the screen, the significance of the accomplishment is not lost.

The performances are all up a notch for this sequel, especially Timothée Chalamet and Rebecca Ferguson. We finally get to see Zendaya make her mark on the series. Javier Bardem is a fantastic light. Austin Butler is menacing and gives what I thought might have registered for a Best Supporting Actor nomination.

And as expected, Dune excels on every technical level. Despite its 2.5-hour runtime, not a frame is wasted or presented without intent or without a thought to making it both beautiful and meaningful. All this serves to bring the essence of Frank Herbert’s work with astounding effect.

Dune: Part Two is not simply the best movie of the year, but one of the most impressive films of the 21st century. All that’s left is to see if Dune: Messiah can surpass it. And, I guess, if the Academy will still ignore it.

Rotten Tomatoes: 92%

IMDb: 8.5/10

Letterboxd: 4.4/5

Metacritic: 79/100

Where to watch: Streaming now on Max

TOP 10 FILMS OF 2024 | TOP 10 FILMS OF 2023 | TOP 10 FILMS OF 2022

[mksbigg3stfan]

AIDEN HEADCANNONS I BEEEG OF YOU!!! :3

┏━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━┓

{ 𝐀𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐂 !! જ⁀➴ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

▪︎ He tried to grow facial hair once because he thought that it would make him look cooler. It didn't. He can't really grow facial hair, and he's kind of jealous that Gill is able to grow a full beard and everything.

▪︎ He's for sure Jesse's foil !! I think Jesse's fav member of the order is supposed to be either Gabriel or Soren (?) But I'm not really sure ... Anyways, Aiden's favorite is probably Magnus, since his shirt is meant to look like Magnus' !! I think it kind of reflects Aiden's more destructive nature, how he's less emotionally mature and intelligent than Jesse, and seems insistent to sticking to more adolescent values. While Jesse grows and is finding themselves as a person, Aiden ends up doing it too, just ... much slower. And at a later point. Aiden is basically the antithesis of what Jesse is, and he knows it and hates it because Jesse is what he wants to be !! But Aiden does learn to grow as an individual !!

▪︎ Aiden took about two years to realize Maya and Gill were dating ... he was so embarrassed about it that he ignored them for about a week. Ever since then, he's been the number one third wheel.

▪︎ Maya hacked his twitter and made the pfp a blurry picture she took of him with douyin makeup and a cat filter. It was like that for a few days and let's just say he was a little mad.

▪︎ Aiden probably carries a sword around and says he's never practiced, then tries to do a cool sword trick for people to impress them. Him not practicing is a lie. He practices a lot because he wants to look cool.

▪︎ Him and Lukas actually used to prank people and each other a lot !! They had a competition/Prank Wars, but when Aiden lost he got kind of pissy about it so they stopped.

▪︎ Aiden is in a weird limbo between being homophobic, an Ally, and gay.

▪︎ Lukas and Aiden used to write really cringe superhero rps and stuff as kids, and Aiden's character was always the strongest, most cool guy and a new member of the order, lol.

┗━✦❘༻༺❘✦━━┛

If you want to hear my HC of a character, you can ask !! :3 Also, feel free to put your HC in the replies and reblogs !! I love hearing people's Hc !! >_<

[yourlocalsayorikin]

I FINALLY GOT ALL OF THEM

WHITE DAY MAFUYU IS HOME AT LAST WELCOME SWEETIE

the damage…oh boy-

I spent about a whole year saving (since this ran on jp) and at my highest was 113,655 crystals saved. However, I went into this banner with 76,685 crystals because I pulled back on the MinoShizu colorfes and recently on the Regulus banner (impulsive, I know).

It took 17 10x pulls and I ended with all of them, not needing to spark. I now have 26,345 crystals to my name. Looking back in my records, I haven’t had such a low count since pulling for the No Seek, No Find; Sinking Adolescent Gacha back when I started playing (to which I am still very salty about never getting Ichika’s 4* for that set).

Along the way, however, I did manage to get some new cards that I didn’t have before. They are:

[The Feelings We’ve Realized] Saki Tenma 4* (From Tokyo Event)

[I Got Praised ♪] Kohane Azusawa 4* (MoonLight Event)

[Ready To Take It All On] Saki Tenma 4* (Aioi Event)

[100 Things I Want To Do] Saki Tenma 3* (Original 3*)

[Doing Things My Own Way] Luka Megurine 4* (Kanadetomosusora Event)

I also want to mention I got Kanade’s 4* twice in the same pull so thank you Kanade

So yeah, they’re all safe and home. I’m not sure what to do now that it’s over. I liked having that many crystals a lot and there’s no sets that I’m really going to save for like this again (maybe Mafuyu Valentines? Undecided). I might pull for Honami’s 4* in the Rise As One Event, but maybe not as it would only be to finally get a hairstyle for her. Maybe, I’ll have to see the model up close and decide whether I want to pull on the furry set or not (and yes I know it’s also KasaEmuSaki Colorfes but that would be a bonus if they came home).

TLDR: I WON BUT AT THE COST OF A WHOLE YEAR SPENT SAVING AND 50,040 CRYSTALS

[hellmouthheritage]

HELLMOUTH RPG est à la recherche du personnage légendaire de FAITH LEHANE.

Sunnydale 2023 :

La nuit du 2 octobre 2001, Faith était en prison lorsqu'elle a senti son corps commencer à geler. La tueuse a crié de toutes ses forces, mais ayant la réputation qu'elle avait à l'époque, aucun policier n'a voulu s'approcher de sa cellule et lui venir en aide. Lorsque l'équipe tactique du matin arriva devant une cellule remplie de cristaux de sang au sol, ils déclenchèrent l'état d'alerte. En analysant le sang qui était dans les morceaux de glace, le médecin légiste déclara que la fugitive avait belle et bien été tuée par un froid glacial qui avait gelé son corps en entier. Les policiers de Los Angeles ont voulu étouffer l'affaire et n'ont rien déclaré aux médias au sujet de sa mort.

Le 1 juin 2023, le corps de Faith se reconstitua dans la cellule là où elle était morte il y a 22 années. La tueuse regarda autour d'elle complètement désemparée et traumatisée. Elle grelottait et n'avait pas encore conscience de ce qu'il lui arrivait. Elle frappa de toutes ses forces la prisonnière qui résidait maintenant dans son ancienne cage. La tueuse prit possession des vêtements de la femme qu'elle venait d'assommer sans aucune pitié, avec rage. Faith posa ses deux mains sur les barreaux et les écarta avec facilité comme si ce n'était que des cures-dents. Dans le couloir, son regard croisa celui d'un policier qu'elle avait connu autrefois. Le jeune homme commençait sa carrière à l'époque, l'officier ouvrit grand les yeux et reconnu la fugitive qui avait été tué il y a 22 années. Il fonça sur elle, mais malheureusement la tueuse avait toujours ses réflexes de tigresse. La brune haussa le bras dans les airs et fonça sur lui le faisant traverser une fenêtre pour entendre son corps tomber du troisième étage de l'établissement.

Faith en profita pour sauter par la fenêtre et courir rapidement pour escalader le grillage de la prison. Le bruit des voitures de police criait dans tous les sens, mais elle croyait fortement qu'elle allait réussir. La tueuse passa par dessus la grille et sauta dans une voiture en agressant le conducteur, le jetant dehors de son véhicule en pleine conduite. Elle savait très bien quelle direction prendre. La route vers Sunnydale était la seule destination envisageable. Elle regarda rapidement son reflet dans le rétroviseur et elle remarqua qu'elle avait une vingtaine d'années en plus. Elle n'en croyait pas ses yeux, elle continua de se regarder quelques secondes sans remarquer que son véhicule était entrain de dévié de la route. Elle donna un coup de volant pour ramener sa voiture sur la bonne voie juste à temps pour ne pas heurter un autre véhicule qui venait de la klaxonner.

Quelques heures plus tard, elle débarqua à Sunnydale. Une ville hantée par les monstres et par les erreurs de son passé. Elle ressentait la présence de Buffy, mais aussi d'une nouvelle élue. Après 22 années passées dans la noirceur de la mort, elle savait très bien qu'il allait falloir qu'elle se trouve un refuge où habiter sans avoir à payer trop cher, mais la tueuse avait toujours su se débrouiller seule. Faith décida de se rendre dans un lieu qu'elle connaissait bien, elle y avait passé son adolescence. Le Bronze. N'ayant pas reprise complètement ses esprits, la brune défonça d'un coup pied la porte du propriétaire et le poignarda dans le ventre sans pitié utilisant le couteau ensuite pour ouvrir la serrure du coffre-fort de l'établissement où elle trouva quelques milliers de dollars en liquide. La tueuse décida de se débarrasser du corps et de prendre en charge la grande responsabilité de propriétaire du Bronze sachant qu'elle retrouverait rapidement ses anciennes connaissances.

Faith Lehane découvrira qu'à sa mort en 2001, elle était enceinte. Son fils créé par la magie des puissances supérieures Lukas Lehane. Apprenant que la tueuse est en route vers Sunnydale, il essaiera de la retrouver pour se présenter à elle et en connaitre un peu plus sur la véritable nature de sa mère.

[anies-vocalsynthhcworld]

Megurine Luka's Past (My Headcanon)

Luka was born and grew up for a large part of her childhood and adolescence in New York, coming from a family of high economic rank, from which she descends from Japanese blood (through her father) and American/British blood (through her mother). Her father; Masahiko Megurine leads a huge company (which the Megurines have owned for years) of tourist cruises that travel through all the countries located in the Atlantic, Indian and Pacific Oceans, while her mother; Alice Shellwhite is a very famous fashion designer in the country. The three lived in the Big city, habiting a gigantic penthouse on top of one of the many skyscrapers it owns and not only them, they also had their own staff like any wealthy family. So yes, it turns Luka into a city girl surrounded by luxuries, with a very good education, gifts and the attention of her parents, but it doesn't mean that by living like this she is a bad person as one would expect from this type of family, actually she has always been a sweet and friendly girl who overflowed with love for everyone without exception.

How did get Tako-Luka? Excellent question; There was a time when Masahiko went on one of his many business trips, in which he was accompanied by his team to buy new islands as tourist breaks from his cruise ships before arriving at clandestine. On one of them he found the island which considered a perfect site, except for the fact that it had toxic waste strewn on the tropical terrain, which Masahiko's employees were ordered to clean up all of it. When they finished and he was about to make it official, he ended up finding a kind of octopus that lived on said island with the unrealistic aspect of resembling a tender human face and the tentacles posing as a person's hair, hitting the idea that they looked like that because of the toxicity that affected not only the island, but also the fauna of the place. Masahiko sympathized with those poor animals that instead of proclaiming it as a tourist island, he turned it into a natural refuge so that the octopuses do not receive mistreatment from people who see them, in order to keep them safe.

When he returned home with his family, he did not realize that one of the octopuses followed him after sneaking onto the cruise ship on which he sailed for his business trip along with those who were accompanying Masahiko. Knowing this story, Luka (at seven years old) became fond of the octopus enough to keep it as her own pet. It was to be expected that both parents initially had doubts if she was capable of taking care of it, but in the end they accepted it with certain conditions and Luka, very happy, became inseparable from that octopus, calling it "Tako-Luka". The rest of her life after that was completely normal, she didn't seem to have any problems at school (aside from the fact that her parents hired tutors to help Luka with studies) and she began to brag about her good life by belonging to a family rich, but she continued to emphasize being good and kind to everyone around her, even if her parents were slightly unconvinced of that little path their daughter was taking. However, her happiness would be degraded upon learning that her mother was consumed by a serious illness just the night after her high school graduation...

༶ ༻ʚ ♡︎ ɞ༺ ༶

Once she was admitted to the hospital, they took better care of her than anyone else and the doctors did the impossible for her to be saved, but it was all in vain since in the time she spent days while they were looking for a cure, Alice died...which clearly dealt a hard blow to Luka and Masahiko, for the three of them spending so much time together and losing her affected them like that. One night, the pinkette girl (16 years old) still saddened by her loss, had a dream so real that it seemed unreal, she was reunited with her mother, telling Luka Her last words: « My baby...you don't have to cry for me...I know that this feeling is difficult and horrible for one and I would never wish it on you...but...I want you to keep smiling and being yourself...you are my most charming and sweet daughter and I don't want you to ruin yourself for this...always remember me for that great love and moments we spent together without pitying because I passed away...I love you Luka... » And with this Luka left her more than satisfied and happy to see her through that dream of lovingly taking her words and never forgetting them.

Days after that event, Luka gradually recovered and was still the same as before, but even so, she continued to miss her mother very much every time she remembered various things in her home because she did not see herself without her there. This gave Masahiko the advantage of cheering her up knowing how his daughter felt, he gave her the news that they were moving to Megurine's hometown; Japan, since as the family's main company is located in Tokyo city, he was given the hereditary position and personally, take his daughter to live in a completely new environment so as not to leave Luka stuck in the nostalgia. This made her doubt a little considering that she missed her stay in New York and since she has visited Japan so few times it would be difficult for her to get used to it, but she accepted with the idea that her father would be right on the last point and ensuring the future experiences that they waited for her once they live there, plus it's not like they'll never come back to New York considering they can fly to visit their old home on that city.

A couple of years after the move from New York to Tokyo, Masahiko had a surprise in store for Luka for her eighteenth birthday. When that day came and after having celebrated ad nauseam, she had as her last gift that her father enrolled her in Vocaloid for the musical talent that her daughter had developed in recent years (grateful for the lessons she received in her music classes given since she was five years old), the news made Luka overly excited when she learned that she will become a singer for a recently popular company. As soon as she moved, three months after her birthday for the audition time, her life went from good to better, she ended up making friends with the other Vocaloids who joined before her, as well as making new friends with the new ones who joined they were part of Vocaloid. Luka assumed that her mother would be proud for how her new life began and she promised herself that she would keep hers as she already is and everyone knows her, continuing like this from now on without more negative cases affecting our octo-pink lady.

[ace-and-the-rpg-horrors]

random PJSK opinions of mine wooooooo

Leo/need:

fave Virtual Singer: Rin and Kaito

fave member: Shiho

fave singer: Shiho and Ichika

fave commissioned song: Peaky Peaky and Pulse of the Meteor

fave cover: Amanojaku

fave event: No Seek No Find

fave card set: Bleak Adolescence

fave in unit ship: polyneed

More More Jump:

fave Virtual Singer: Luka and Miku

fave member: Shizuku

fave singer: Shizuku

fave commissioned song: Metamo Re:born

fave cover: Patchwork Staccato and Love Trial

fave event: My Colour

fave card set: Jewellery Box Sparkling with Feelings

fave in unit ship: Shizuairi

Vivid Bad Squad:

fave Virtual Singer: Meiko

fave member: An

fave singer: An and Kohane

fave commissioned song: Machi and Kashika

fave cover: Odo

fave event: The Vivid Old Tale

fave card set: Repaint My Colour

fave in unit ship: Anhane

Wonderlands x Showtime:

fave Virtual Singer: Kaito and Meiko

fave member: Rui

fave singer: Rui

fave commissioned song: Showtime Ruler

fave cover: Ego Rock and Telecaster B-Boy

fave event: Desperate Times!? Island Panic

fave card set: Hidden Circus

fave in unit ship: Emurui

Nightcord @ 25:

fave Virtual Singer: Luka

fave member: Ena

fave singer: Mizuki

fave commissioned song: Bug

fave cover song: Venom and Usseewa

fave event: Insatiable Pale Colour

fave card set: Poisonous Fangs and Peeking Shadows

fave in unit ship: Mizuena

general:

fave unit: W x S

unit ranking: W x S, L/n, N25, MMJ, VBS

generally best songs: L/n and N25

top five characters: Rui, Ena, Shizuku, An, Mizuki

top five singing voices: Mizuki, Rui, Shiho, Shizuku, An

fave VS: Rin

fave mixed event: A Once in a Lifetime Pandemonium

fave mixed card set: Phantom Chaser

fave popular ship: Anhane

fave rarepair: Shizurui

[mediamixs]

Pauline: Good vs Evil

Pauline is a German horror series available on Hulu and Disney+, presents a unique blend of supernatural elements and coming-of-age themes. The show revolves around Pauline, an 18-year-old girl portrayed by Sira-Anna Faal, who finds herself unexpectedly pregnant after a one-night stand with Lukas, the son of the devil. This premise sets the stage for a story that intertwines teenage angst with diabolical stakes.

Plot Overview

The narrative begins with Pauline navigating the pressures of impending adulthood, including academic stress and societal expectations. Her life takes a dramatic turn when she becomes pregnant from her encounter with Lukas, played by Ludger Bökelmann. As she grapples with her new reality, Pauline discovers that her unborn child is destined for a significant role in an epic battle between good and evil. This revelation not only complicates her personal life but also grants her supernatural abilities that further entangle her in the unfolding drama.

Execution

Pauline explores several poignant themes, including:

- **Teenage Struggles**: The series effectively captures the essence of adolescence, highlighting issues like academic pressure and the climate crisis, which resonate with contemporary viewers.

- **Supernatural Elements**: The introduction of demonic lineage adds a layer of complexity, as Pauline's pregnancy imbues her with strange powers that challenge her understanding of reality.

- **Identity and Choice**: The show raises questions about agency, particularly in relation to Pauline’s pregnancy and the responsibilities that come with it.

Critics have noted that while the premise might sound simplistic—a girl falling in love with the devil—the narrative quickly evolves into something much deeper. The character development is nuanced, allowing viewers to empathize with Pauline despite her extraordinary circumstances.

Visual and Narrative Style

The series is described as visually engaging, employing stylistic choices that enhance its horror elements without overwhelming the narrative. Critics have praised its ability to balance dark themes with moments of levity, making it not just a horror show but also an exploration of youthful resilience in the face of adversity.

 Reception

Currently holding a modest IMDb rating of 5.8/10, Pauline has garnered mixed reviews. Some viewers appreciate its fresh take on familiar tropes within the horror genre, while others feel it may not fully deliver on its ambitious premise. Nonetheless, many agree that it is worth watching for its intriguing plot and strong performances from the cast.Pauline stands out as a compelling addition to the horror genre on streaming platforms. It successfully combines elements of fantasy and reality to explore significant themes relevant to today's youth while maintaining an engaging narrative that keeps viewers invested in Pauline's journey.

[albonoooo]

i've been tagged by @f1-giuki, @blueballsracing and @liamlawsonlesbian to share my nine favourite albums!! thank you loves <3 and please know i spent way too much time thinking about this. i go through phases with the music i listen to so it was incredibly hard to narrow it down to nine albums and ended up being a combination of all-time and current favourites (and honourable mentions because i cannot shut up). i probably forgot at least half of the music i know while making this.

(in no particular order)

1. favourite worst nightmare by arctic monkeys

all-time favourite. my most beloved arctic monkeys album. every time fluorescent adolescent starts playing, i feel an overwhelming sense of nostalgia for something i didn't even experience. no skips on this album.

2. rush! by måneskin

current favourite. about 3/4 of the songs on this album are currently in my most played songs on spotify. idk what kind of crack they laced this with, but it is fucking good.

3. stadtaffe by peter fox

all-time favourite. these songs were played everywhere all. the. time. when i was a kid. i remember sitting on the floor in the living room in front of the radio whenever it happened, just so that i don't miss anything.

4. on the way to wonderland by sunrise avenue

all-time favourite. my first ever favourite band that i latched on to when i was around nine because i heard fairytale gone bad on the radio so often and really loved it. went to the library and borrowed this album and out of style on cd so my dad could make me illegal copies at home lol. i genuinely still find samu haber's voice one of the most soothing i've ever heard.

5. pain remains by lorna shore

recent favourite. lorna shore has quicky become one of my favourite metal bands ever since will joined them and this album was on repeat for months after it first came out. it's so good.

6. les choristes soundtrack

all-time favourite. one of my favourite movies, has made me cry many times. thanks to the three separate teachers that made my class watch this film over the course of my time at secondary school. even more so because it really scared me after the first watch when i was 11 (i think it was mostly rachin and mondain who freaked me out lol).

7. master of puppets by metallica

all-time favourite. one of the albums of all time and that's a hill i'm willing to die on. my first metal album which my dad was very happy about. this has been in every music listening rotation since i was twelve.

8. doo-wops & hooligans by bruno mars

all-time favourite. another nostalgic one. this album and unorthodox jukebox were two of the cds my mom used to keep in her car and play all the time on longer drives when i was younger. for that reason, i also associate this music with my pediatrician (whom i love and wish i could still go to lmao).

9. gold album by lukas graham

all-time favourite. first of all, why was it so hard to find a picture for this? i got this cd for my thirteenth birthday after i heard drunk in the morning on the radio and was obsessed with it. then i spent hours and hours in my room just listening to it on repeat for the next few years. i actually haven't listened to any of these songs for a while, but i still love them dearly.

honourable mentions:

(in no particular order)

1. am by arctic monkeys

their best album imo.

2. out of style by sunrise avenue

mentioned above.

3. void by the rose

could've honestly put any album of theirs.

4. unorthodox jukebox by bruno mars

mentioned above.

since this took me an eternity, i'm sure everyone and their mother has been tagged by now so. if you see this and wanna do it, consider yourself tagged :)

[stanislawkowalski]

LUKA & trigger warnings.

Luka’s story is one of shadows and shattered innocence. Unfortunately his earliest memories were tainted by hunger and desperation. His mother, whose fingers stitched not just fabric but the seams of a darker reality. She turned her son into a commodity, a tool for her own survival and twisted desires.

By the age of thirteen, Luka was no longer just a child; he was a pawn in a game far more sinister. His mother, driven by an insatiable hunger—one that sought not just to fill her stomach but to sate the cravings of those who felt broken or too powerful—used Luka’s beauty and charm as weapons. In the dirty rooms of each city's underbelly, Luka was paraded before those who paid for illusions of love, tenderness, and control.

His young life was marred by the corrupting influence of adults who wielded him like a weapon of emotional and physical manipulation. Luka learned early on that his charm, his angelic appearance, and his ability to whisper rather than shout could bring him both adoration and misery. He was groomed not just to please but to manipulate, to become an instrument of the very hunger that drove his mother’s actions.

The adults around him, those who could bend and break him, taught Luka the art of seduction and control with a chilling precision. They molded him into a creature of paradox—a young man who could read desire like a book and wield his beauty as a mask for cruelty. Luka, once a child who dreamed of simple joys, was transformed into a devil of the future, his spirit sculpted by hands that had no mercy, that left unforgotten lust and shame.

Each whispered promise he made was a testament to the pain he had endured, each subtle manipulation a reminder of the path he had been forced onto. The path was paved not by his own choices but by the cruel hands of those who were supposed. to protect him. Luka became a master of the delicate art of emotional violence, his childhood and adolescence sacrificed on the altar of others’ needs and wants. Luka is a man forged in the fires of others' desires, a product of a broken system that had consumed him whole. His whispers, once the soft echoes of a child’s dreams, had become the chilling murmur of a future devil, crafted by a past that had left him forever scarred.

[girlwholikestoread]

My least favorite to My favorite books I read in 2023

24. May The Best Man Win by Z.R. Ellor: I wanted to like this book so badly, I really did but this is probably the only book I read this year that I didn’t like. The story is about Jeremy Harkisis who is a transgender cheerleader and his ex-boyfriend Lukas who is the all-star football player; the two exes are both trying to earn the title of Homecoming King. Honestly I loved the idea of this story just wasn’t a fan of the direction. First I did like Jeremy for most of the book, honestly his attitude towards Lukas in the beginning of the book made me not want to root for them and he just seems so mean and selfish, I understand that was the point and usually I don’t mind reading about characters who are mean and selfish but learns their lesson at the end but, Jermey was just so unnecessary cruel to his friends despite all of them showing him support and kindness. I liked Lukas a lot and honestly he was the only reason I had any motivation to finish this book and I thought the ending was cute. Overall a big let down and Lukas deserve so much better.

23. Radiant Black, Vol. 3: Rogues’s Gallery: It was the first book I read this year because my brother insisted I read it. It was fine, I’m personally not a huge fan of the series but I think the story is pretty good. Overall I gave it 3 stars on GoodReads so not bad.

22. Blackwater by Jeannette Arroyo and Ren Graham: So this book was different…not in a bad way. I actually really liked this book but this went in a direction I did not expect. So the story about Tony Price who is a popular high school track star and a quiet boy named Eli Hirsch who has a chronic autoimmune disorder become unlikely friends. Seems like your standard romance, except it’s not. Eli has a special ability to see ghosts and most recently he’s been seeing a ghost of a fisherman, while that happens Tony gets bitten by a werewolf-like creator which turns him into one. The story was alright, I was a bit confused at times but I still mostly enjoyed it. The romance was also lacking. Tony and Eli have a few cute moments together but I wish there were more, and I wished there were more interactions between the side characters and the main character. Overall Loved the spooky art style, I would recommend this for Halloween.

21. The Black Flamingo by Dean Atta: I Devoured this book, I couldn’t put this down because I was so invested. The story is about our main character Micheal who throughout the book will grow up and start questioning his sexuality, gender expression, and his relationships. The story is formatted like a poem which I really liked. Seeing Micheal throughout his life from his adolescent years to his adult years, seeing him grow and form meaningful relationships was such a great reading experience. Overall beautifully written story, I hope Micheal and Kieran ended up together.

20. Husband Material by Alexis Hall: This book was great. I loved Boyfriend Material and immediately bought Husband Material once I finished the first book because I needed to know what was next for Luc and Oliver. This book did great continuing the story of all the couples from the first book, and showing that Luc and Oliver were made for each other. I especially liked Luc's shitty ex-boyfriend from college. I really wanted more information about that relationship and seeing Oliver stand up for his parents was so satisfying…but then the ending happened. Honestly I liked the ending, I thought it fit Luc and Oliver who always has an unconventional relationship so them deciding marriage isn’t for them makes sense, I just wasn’t a fan of the execution of them making that decision. Overall much like Sherk 2 perfect squeal.

19. The Princess and the Grilled Sandwich by Deya Muniz: This book is so fucking cute! I loved the characters, I loved the artstyle, I loved the cheese pun, I loved everything! This book is about Lady Camembert and how her before she passed wanted her to marry so she can get her inheritance and rights to her father kingdom, which could only be given to a man and he only had one daughter; she decided to disguise herself as a man and inherent everything but is forced to live a low-profile in order to not lose everything. However she breaks this rule and goes to a ball hosted by Princess Bri, they form a friendship and slowly start falling for each other; the only issue is that Bri believes that Camembert is a man. This story was cute, fun, engaging, and the ending was perfect! Overall I devoured this book like a grilled cheese sandwich.

18. Sorry Bro by Taleen Voskuni: This book was so good! This book is about Nareh who after ending her relationship with her boyfriend who, while wasn’t a bad person just wasn’t for her, decided she wants to explore her options dating with both men and women. During this she meets Erebuni and she becomes her wingwoman and helps her find a new guy or girl. However during this they both start following each other, with Nareh falling hard first. The book was great, it was a bit slow and I personally didn’t find her issues at work a compelling subplot but thought everything else great. I loved Erebuni and thought she was so sweet and understanding and like Nareh and her mom talk after she came out. Overall Sweet and Sapphic

17. I wish you all the best by Mason Deaver: This was the first book I read with a Non-Binary MC. We follow Ben De Backer who on Christmas day decides to come out to their parents as Non-Binary, this however doesn’t go as planned and they end up kicked out of their home on Christmas and have to call their estranged sister Hannah and her husband Thomas who they haven’t met yet. This leads to them having to live with her and start a new school where they meet Nathan Allan and start a friendship. This book made me cry a few times. Ben goes through a lot in a short period of time. Building a relationship with their sister, trying to make new friends, and figure out how they feel about their parents. This book is amazing and Ben and Nathan's relationship is so pure and it’s hard to find sweet innocent romantic connections in books nowadays but Ben and Nathan were so sweet. Overall this book felt like a hug on paper.

16. I’ll Be Home For Christmas by Mason Deaver: We loved a Christmas squeal! This takes place once Ben and Nathan have graduated and Nathan is attending college while Ben is taking time off school and living with roommates. Ben flys to Hannah house for Christmas Eve and plans to bring a surprise for Nathan by bringing his dog back home. Unfortunately their perfect gift plan ended up blowing up in their face when it snowed in and flights started being canceled. This short story is very sweet and does a great job showing us how Nathan and Ben are now. Ben’s determination to bring Nathan his beloved dog was so sweet and the ending was the perfect ending. Overall Ben and Nathan are a couple goals.

15. Ocean’s Echo by Everina Maxwell: I loved space adventures with a hint of romance, it’s one of my favorite combos. This book was written by the same author of Winter Orbit and it takes place in the same universe, however this isn’t a sequel since Kiem and Jainan aren’t mentioned and we have new main characters. In this book we follow Tennal, an absolut flirt who is constantly getting himself in trouble and Surit a Lieutenant who is very by-the-book. After Tennal gets himself in trouble yet again he’s forced to join the military where he meets Surit and they are forced to work together and forced to sync; and syncing is a type of merging of the minds. However Surit doesn’t want to sync because Tennal has made it clear he doesn’t want to be controlled. This leads to them coming up with a plan to get Tennal out of the military while keeping Surit rank. While this is happening they start slowing noticing a power struggle within the military. This book had me on the edge of my seats and I couldn’t stop listening, the romance wasn’t much which is fine because the overall plot was so intriguing it made up for the lack of romance. Overall Space politics are confusing but in a fun way.

14. Boyfriend Material by Alexis Hall: This is the funniest book I read all year. Hands down. Boyfriend Material is about Luc O’Donnell who is the child of two retired rockstars and because of this he’s constantly in the spotlight and usually for all the wrong reasons. Wanting to clear his image he needs to find a perfect boyfriend, which he does with a successful educated man named Oliver Blackwood. They enter a fake dating situation which benefits them both. Luc and Oliver's relationship moved along so naturally and Luc is so funny. All the side characters were great too and while I knew what the ending was gonna be I was still surprised on how it ended. Overall UK comedy is undefeated.

13. She Gets the Girl by Racheal Lippincott, Alyson Derrick: Sapphic slow-burns are perfect for the summer. In this story we follow Alex Blackwood who has lots of issues both in her family and her dating life and Molly who has a close relationship with her family but never had a real date or relationship. The two are polar opposites but come together to help each other out, Alex helps Molly get with her long time crush Cora Myers and it helps Alex prove to her ex that she’s a better person. Molly and Alex are so cute together, Alex encouraging Molly to come out of her shell was really sweet, and I related to Molly a lot. Overall Sweet, Sapphic, and I want to learn how to roller skate

12. Imogen, Obviously by Becky Albertalli: This book was so cute. In this we follow Imogen Scott who is a huge Ally and very involved in queer media. She visits her best friend Lili who’s thriving in college making new queer friends and everything is great…except Lili told a small lie saying that her and Imogen are ex’s and that Imogen is bi. Not wanting to make her friend seem like a liar she plays along, however while doing that she starts falling for Tessa, who is one of Lili's new friends. Imogen is such a sweetheart and one of my favorite main characters, The cover is also one of my favorites this year. Overall “I’m not homophobic, I’m an Ally”

11. A Mark on My Soul by Jordon Greene: This is the only book I read that didn’t have a happy ending. In this we follow Noah who decides to come out as gay to his friends, family, and publically online. When this happens he gets a message from a “secret admirer” which turns out to be his best friend Parker who’s in the closet. This book ripped my heart in half and ended up sobbing my eyes out. I already knew how Parker's story ended because I accidentally spoiled the ending for myself but despite that I grew so attached to Parker and wanted him to be happy. This book was a hard read for me but I loved it so much. Overall Parker deserves better!

10. The Long Run by James Acker: Ngl I almost DNF this book. I didn’t like the first 3 chapters and since I was listening to this book on audible I also wasn’t a big fan of Sandro’s VA, but chapter 4 is where I truly got invested and I’m so glad I keep reading because I ended up loving this book. In this story we follow Bash and Sandro, who are both finishing their last year of High School and after kissing at a Party they form a friendship. This is a true slowburn because even though they kissed in the beginning they stay mostly platonic and do “dude-bro” stuff. I also love that Bash never makes the fact he’s Bi a big deal, he just accepts that he fell for a guy and doesn’t care. Sandro and Bash are so cute together and I loved them so much. Overall Bash the Flash and the Italian Yeti are my OTP

9. Time Out by Sean Hayes, Todd Milliner, Carlyn Greenwald: I found out a lot of people don’t like this book and it honestly breaks my heart. In this we follow Barclay who's basically a sport legend in his school, at least he was until he decided to come out very publicly and the reception wasn’t what he was anticipating, because of this he leaves the Basketball team and help his friend Amy with school related politics where he also meets Christopher and together they help the voiceless have a voice. Barclay and Christopher's relationship is so sweet and wholesome I loved reading about them watching movies and kissing goodnight. I love non-sexual intimacy. Barclay is also great, he’s really kind and understanding given the circumstances of everything that happened to him. Overall everyone on GoodReads is wrong.

8. Snowflake Kisses by Jordon Greenee, Yayira Dzames: Skylar and Jacob are back! In this book we follow Skylar and Jacob who are spending their first Christmas together. Honestly this book is just vibes, no big conflicts, no third act breakup, no Jacbo’s dad, just pure sugary vibes. Seeing Skylar and Jacob have snowfighters, cuddle in the car, and get each other thoughtful gifts, everything was just so nice. Skylar's parents were also great and seeing them treat Jacob like family made my heart skip a beat. Plus I loved art. Yayira Dzames did an amazing job capturing the characters. Overall My favorite Christmas comic.

7. Iris Kelly Doesn’t Date by Ashley Herring Blake: Small confession, I wasn’t a big fan of Iris in the first two books (Delilah Green Doesn’t Care and Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail). However I ended up liking her a lot at the end of this book. In this we follow Iris who has given up on dating and sticking to casual hook-ups after her two failed relationships. Unfortunately for Iris who’s a romance author she suffered from writer's block and needed to find inspiration. We also follow Stevie, a struggling actress with anxiety issues trying to get her big break while helping her ex keep her community theater studio open. When Stevie finds herself in a web of lies her and Iris start a fake relationship, this helps Stevie prove to her friends that she doesn’t need her feeling protected and helps Iris find inspiration for her needed book; they of course start actually falling for each other. Iris and Stevie have amazing chemistry throughout the book and I loved how patient Iris is with Stevie when it comes to sex and intimacy. The consent checks and making sure they both enjoyed each other was so hot. Stevie such as sweetheart and I related to her when it comes to how she views sex and her anxiety and Iris is great too. Overall Stevie has my whole heart.

6. The Sun and Star: A Nico di Angelo Adventure by Rick Riordan, Mark Oshiro: Fun fact I didn’t read any Percy Jackson books before this but I liked this anyways. We follow Nico di Angelo the son of Hades and his boyfriend Will Solace the son of Apollo as they travel through the underworld to find their friend Bob who was left behind in Hades Realm. Despite not reading anything Percy Jackson related I loved his adventure, Nico and Will bounce off each other perfectly and I wish there were more books where the main couple are already together because seeing these boyfriends act like boyfriends made my heart flutter. It was such a fun ride from beginning to end and I enjoyed it so much. Overall I should read Percy Jackson.

5. The First to Die at the End by Adam Slivera: This book destroyed me…so 5 stars. This is a prequel of They Both Die at the End, in this book we follow the first ever Decker and see Death-Cast go live for the first time. In this we follow Orion Pagan who lost his parents young and suffers from a deadly heart condition and while he has big dreams for his future he doesn’t see himself living long enough to achieve those dreams and we also follow Valentino Prince who moves to New York with his twin sister to start his molding career, however that’s cut short when he gets the call at midnight. I cried like 4 times reading this book, it was amazing. All the side characters were great and I love multiple POV’s in books. Overall I need more Death-Cast books.

4. Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail by Ashley Herring Blake: Jordan Everwood is hands down my favorite character. This is the second book in the Bright Falls series and I couldn’t wait to read this one. We follow Astrid who just ended her engagement and is trying to focus on work, we also follow Jordan who helps her grandmother renovate her inn to avoid having to sell. After a not so great first interaction they find themselves working together to fix the inn for a reality tv show. As they work together they start to get to know each other and open up to each other about their family, relationships, and jobs. I loved Astrid in the first book and was so excited to see her story continue and I loved her and Jordan's connection. Overall “You deserve a destiny Jordan Everwood”.

3. The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid: This book was so good! In this we follow Monique who has just been assigned to write the autobiography about famous Hollywood Icon Evelyn Hugo and her glamorous and scandalous life. Evelyn is probably the most complex character I’ve read this year, out of all the characters she felt the most human, she made mistakes and did things she regretted but also had moments of kindness and had to make really tough choices. I liked Monique however if I had to change anything I wish we focused on her more, but what we have is great. Overall I need this to be a movie.

2. Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malinda Lo: This book has amazing writing, I stayed engaged the whole time and couldn’t stop listening. We follow Lily Hu who is a seventeen year old Chinese American living in ChinaTown. This story takes place in 1954 when the red-scare was a big threat for Chinese Americans. Due to this Lily faces many problems, her father may be deported, her friend group is changing, and she starts developing feelings for other women especially her friend Kath. She and Kath start going to an underground lesbian club called the Telegraph Club. This book was so good, I can barely put it into words. Overall Speechless

1. The Sunbearer Trials by Aiden Thomas: I loved this book! I knew this was gonna be number one because this was the only book I’ve ever dreamt about after reading. In this we follow Teo, a seventeen year old trans son of Quetzal who finds himself in a century old battle to the death. Teo has no training and is convinced he will not make it out alive. I adore everything about this book, the comedy, the characters, the world building, and the plot twist left me speechless. I cannot wait for part 2! Overall I already miss Teo, Niya, Sol, and Aurelio.

[projectdivapolls]

Round 1 results are in!

A Song of Wastelands, Forests, and Magic vs Absolunote

ACUTE vs Adolescence

AFTER BURNER vs Ageage Again

Ai Kotoba vs Akatsuki Arrival

Alien Alien vs Amatsu Kitsune

Arifureta Sekai Seifuku vs Ashes to Ashes

Betty the Liar vs Beware of the Miku Miku Germs♪

Black Gold vs Black★Rock Shooter

Blackjack vs break;down

Break It, Break It! vs Butterfly On Your Right Shoulder

Butterfly on Your Right Shoulder -39's Giving Day Edition- vs Cantarella

Cantarella ~ Grace Edition ~ vs Cat Food

Catch the Wave vs Cendrillon

Change Me vs Close and Open, Demons and the Dead

Clover♣️Club vs Colorful×Melody

Colorful×Sexy vs Continuing Dream

Dear vs Dear Cocoa Girls

Decorator vs Deep Sea City Underground

Deep Sea Girl vs Denparadigm

Disruptive Diva (Easy/Normal) vs Disruptive Diva (Hard/Extreme)

Double Lariat vs Doubleganger

Dream-Eating Monochrome Baku vs Dreaming Leaf

DYE vs Electric Angel

Electrosaturator vs Envy Cat Walk

Equation+** vs Erase or Zero

Far Away vs Finder (DSLR remix - re:edit)

Fire◎Flower vs Freely Tomorrow

Gaikotsu Gakudan to Riria vs Gemini

Ghost Rule vs Gigantic Girl

Gizmo vs Glasses

Glory 3usi9 vs God-Tier Tune

Grumpy Waltz vs Hanamai Tsukuyomi Tan

Hand in Hand vs Hello, Worker

✽Hello, Planet. vs Here Comes Karakasa-san

HIBANA vs High School Days - DIVA EDIT

Hm? Ah, Yes. vs Holy Star -2010 DIVA mix-

How'd It Get To Be Like This? vs I'll Miku-Miku You♪ (For Reals)

I'm Your Diva vs I Really Do Understand

Idol Radio (Game Edit) vs Ievan Polkka

Innocence vs Interviewer

Iroha Uta vs Iya Iya Seijin

Jaded/The Rebel vs Jugemu Sequencer

Just Be Friends vs Kagamine Hachi Hachi Flower Fight

Kagerou Daze vs Karakuri Pierrot

Kimi Ni vs Kimi no Taion

Kipple Industry Inc. vs Knife

Knight of Light vs Kokoro

Last Night, Good Night vs Let Me Lose Myself In The Black Note

LIKE THE WIND vs LOL - lots of laugh -

Look This Way, Baby vs Love-Colored Ward

Love-Hate vs Love is War

Love Note vs Lover's Suicide Oblivion

Lucid Dreaming vs Luka Luka ★ Night Fever

Magical Sound Shower vs Magnet

maigo life vs Marginal

Master of Puppets vs Meiteki Cybernetics

Melancholic vs Mellow Yellow

melody... vs Melt

Meteor vs Miracle Paint

Monochrome∞Blue Sky vs moon

Mousou Sketch vs Negaposi✽Continues

Nekomimi Archive vs Nekomimi Switch

Nice To Meet You, Mr. Earthling vs Nightmare ☆ Party Night (Easy/Normal)

Nightmare ☆ Party Night (Hard/Extreme) vs No Logic

Nostalogic vs Now Choose

Nyanyanyanyanyanyanya! vs ODDS&ENDS

Oha-Yo-Del!! vs on the rocks

One-Sided Love Samba (Easy/Normal) vs One-Sided Love Samba (Hard/Extreme)

Out of Eden vs Packaged

Palette vs Pane dhiria

Paradichlorobenzene vs Paris Cinema Girl

Perico Space Shipper vs Piano×Forte×Scandal

PIANO✽GIRL vs Pinky Swear

Po Pi Po vs Promise

Puzzle vs Quartet of Multiple Futures -Quartet Theme-

Rain With A Chance of Sweet*Drops vs Remote Controller

Requiem for the Phantasma vs Rin-chan Now!

RinRin Signal -Append Mix- vs ROKI

Rolling Girl vs Romeo and Cinderella

Rosary Pale vs Roshin Yukai

Sadistic.Music∞Factory vs Saihate

Sakura no Ame vs Saturation

Sayounara Goodbye (Easy/Normal) vs Sayounara Goodbye (Hard/Extreme)

Secret Police vs Sekiranun Graffiti

Senbonzakura vs shake it!

SING&SMILE vs Snowman

So Much Loving You★ -DIVA Edit- vs Soiyassa!!

Solitude's End vs Song of Life

Sound vs Soundless Voice

SPiCa -39's Giving Day Edition- vs Star Story

Stardust Utopia vs Starduster

StargazeR vs Starlite★Lydian

Stay With Me vs Step Forward

Strobe Nights vs Summer Idol

Sweet Devil vs Sweet Magic

SYMPHONIC DIVE - DIVA FT edit - vs Systematic Love

Tell Your World vs Tengaku

Teo vs Terekakushi Shishunki

That One Second in Slow Motion vs The Disappearance of Hatsune Miku

The First Sound vs The Intense Voice of Hatsune Miku

The MMORPG Addict's Anthem vs The secret garden

The Snow White Princess is... vs The Star Maker

The Two of Us - Futaride vs The World is Mine

This is the Happiness and Peace of Mind Committee vs Though My Song Has No Form

Thousand Year Solo (DIVA Edit) vs Time Limit

Time Machine vs To The End of Infinity

Tokyo Teddy Bear vs Torinokocity/Urbandonment

Transparent Watercolors vs Travel to The Other Side of The Moon

Tricolore Airline vs Two Breaths Walking

Two-Sided Lovers vs Unhappy Refrain

Updating My Love List? vs Velvet Arabesque

VOC@LOID in Love vs VOiCE -DIVA MIX-

Weekender Girl vs What Do You Mean!?

When The First Love Ends vs White Dove

Wintry Winds vs Wolf Girl

World's End Dance Hall -F Edition- vs World's End Dance Hall -Live Dance Edition-

World's End Umbrella vs Yellow

Yumeyume vs ZIGG-ZAGG (Normal)

ZIGG-ZAGG (Hard/Extreme) vs 1/6 -out of the gravity-

1925 vs 2D Dream Fever

39 vs 39 Music!

Dance of Many vs from Y to Y

All songs highlighted in blue will move on to round two! They will stay in this same order when competing 🩵

12 lucky losers

Ashes to Ashes

Change Me

Fire◎Flower

I Really Do Understand

Kagamine Hachi Hachi Flower Fight

melody...

Romeo and Cinderella

Starduster

Step Forward

Though My Song Has No Form

Unhappy Refrain

2D Dream Fever

These 12 lucky losers will compete in a mini round before round two, in the randomized order they're listed in below the cut! The six winners will move on to round two, and will stay at the end of the round rather than back in their alphabetical placement so they don't risk losing to the same songs they lost to already 🩵

Lucky losers randomized polls:

melody... vs Fire◎Flower

Change Me vs Kagamine Hachi Hachi Flower Fight

Starduster vs 2D Dream Fever

Though My Song Has No Form vs Unhappy Refrain

Ashes to Ashes vs Romeo and Cinderella

I Really Do Understand vs Step Forward

Have fun and happy voting! I look forward to seeing which six lucky losers get to move on, I hope you all do, too 🩵

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Joseph Burgo, Ph.D.

Published: Apr 29, 2024

When Lisa Littman posited the existence of rapid onset gender dysphoria (ROGD) back in 2018, she told a simple and compelling story: (a) we know from historical examples involving anorexia, self-harm, and recovered memory syndrome that adolescent girls are especially vulnerable to social contagions; and (b) because the current data show that cases of gender dysphoria and trans-identification among teenage girls appear to cluster in specific geographical locations and within friend groups, it therefore appears that (c) we’re in the midst of yet another social contagion afflicting the same cohort.

Simple to explain, easy to understand.

The increasing number of gender distressed boys is more challenging to explain and involves a perfect storm of psychological vulnerability colliding with cultural zeitgeist and new technologies. In brief, I believe that a generation of sensitive, awkward, and often highly intelligent boys is coming of age at a time when gender identity ideology suffuses the education system, social media, and online discussion forums, and when the cultural conversation around toxic masculinity and the patriarchy has made growing up to be an “oppressor” seem repellent.

This essay will flesh out the details of my hypothesis.

* * *

Most people don’t pay much attention to the fact that Lisa Littman’s landmark paper relied on survey responses from parents of adolescent boys (17.2 percent) as well as girls, largely because the “children described were predominantly natal female.” Examples used to illustrate that study’s themes nearly always depict adolescent girls, and the prior social contagions referred to by Littman have afflicted that cohort almost exclusively.

Littman’s paper also lays heavy emphasis on the “substantial change in demographics of patients presenting for care [at gender clinics] with most notably an increase in adolescent females and an inversion of the sex ratio from one favoring natal males to one favoring natal females.” Despite the presence of those teenage boys in Littman’s study, one comes away with the impression that ROGD is a novel phenomenon mostly occurring among teenage girls. Media coverage since has consistently described the condition as one “primarily” or “predominantly” afflicting that demographic.

The subtitle of Abigail Shrier’s 2020 book (“The Transgender Craze Seducing our Daughters”) likewise seems to exclude adolescent boys from the phenomenon. And in the United States today, the most prominent detransitioners speaking out against gender medicine or testifying in support of legislative bans on hormones and surgery for minor children are nearly all female: Chloe Cole, Laura Becker, Luka Haim, and Prisha Mosley. One might naturally make the assumption that the boys showing up at gender clinics today don’t differ much from the ones who for decades have wanted estrogen and sex reassignment surgery (SRS), and that this novel phenomenon of ROGD is all about the girls.

In truth, the number of adolescent boys claiming a trans identity has also risen dramatically, but that increase is overshadowed by the ahistorical explosion of girls showing up at gender clinics. Take, for example, commonly cited data from the Tavistock’s Gender Identity Development Service (GIDS):

[ Source: Transgender Trend, July 19, 2019 ]

Due to the striking increase in girls depicted by the rising red line, one can easily miss the comparatively less dramatic increase in boys. But it’s nonetheless a very large increase (1490 percent since 2009 according to Transgender Trend); recent studies have shown that boys make up between 29 and 36 percent of gender distressed youth today.

Who are they, and does their psychological profile differ in any significant ways from gender distressed boys and men in the past?

To answer that question, we first need to understand their predecessors, those dysphoric males who showed up at gender clinics before the sudden rise in numbers that began after 2009.

The Blanchard Typology and Beyond

In the 1980s and 1990s, the Canadian sexologist Ray Blanchard proposed a psychological typology of gender dysphoria and transsexualism, categorizing the vast majority of trans-identified males requesting SRS into two groups: (a) homosexual transsexuals (HSTS)—that is, men exclusively attracted to other men and who had exhibited feminine behavior/appearance from an early age; and (b) autogynephilic transsexuals (AGPs)–heterosexual men who experience sexual arousal at the thought or image of themselves as female.[1] According to data from before 2009, HSTS represented roughly 40 percent and AGPs 60 percent of the men requesting SRS at gender clinics.[2]

Since he first articulated it, Blanchard’s typology has come under intense and persistent attack by trans rights activists (TRAs), though other researchers such as Michael Bailey (2003) and Anne Lawrence (2013) have written extensively in support of it. Based upon a January 30, 2024 comment Bailey made on 𝕏 (formerly Twitter), he apparently believes this typology still holds true for the dramatically increased number of boys and men seeking to transition: “Male adolescents are youth. And they are seeking gender transition. And most are probably AGP.”

As a psychotherapist working primarily with gender-distressed males, I’ve of course encountered both HSTS and AGPs as clients in my practice; I know they continue to show up at gender clinics for hormones and SRS, probably in the same relative proportions as before. But there’s a new cohort that doesn’t conform to the Blanchard typology, and in the pages ahead, I’ll attempt to describe and account for this new phenomenon, this Third Way into trans-identification. My views have evolved in part from my private psychotherapy practice working with trans-identified teenage boys, detransitioned males who realized too late (post-surgery) that they were gay, and men who struggle with autogynephilia.

My insights have been deepened by working with a coalition of professionals and parents of trans-identified male children and young adults who recently launched a website called ROGD Boys devoted to promoting awareness of this cohort. Much of what follows is informed by their research, my interviews with a dozen or so of these parents about their trans-identified boys, and visiting the many online websites and subreddits they brought to my attention. In doing so, I’ve followed in the tracks of my good friend Alasdair Gunn, whose series of articles When Sons Become Daughters, written for Quillette under the pseudonym Angus Fox, first blazed the trail and drew attention to the phenomenon of ROGD in boys back in 2021.

“The typical hyper-ruminative gender-questioning boy,” Gunn writes, “is smart, with communication and intellect out of proportion to his social skills. He’s excellent at mathematics in particular, and often in academic pursuits more generally, although this isn’t always reflected in grades. … [H]e’s likely to have a diagnosis of autism, Asperger’s syndrome or ADHD.” Often described as “quirky,” he hasn’t ever really fit in with his peer group and was likely bullied for his difference. Like virtually all teenagers, he wants desperately to belong, and for this reason seeks “an explanation for why he doesn’t fit in, especially one that comes in a form that his friends and classmates will readily understand.”

Survey research conducted by the coalition behind ROGD Boys supports Gunn’s description. With 124 parents providing survey answers, 81 percent identified their sons as either moderately, highly, or profoundly gifted. 20 percent of the boys had received an official diagnosis of autism and another 35 percent displayed “[p]oor social skills, sensitivity issues, poor eye contact, repetitive behaviors, etc. – but [were] not formally diagnosed” with autism spectrum disorder. About 32 percent of the boys struggled with symptoms of ADHD both before and after “coming out.” More than half of the parents described their sons as socially isolated, a condition which was exacerbated by the COVID lockdowns.

When given a choice of options to describe their son’s pre-adolescent gender behavior, almost 90 percent selected “Masculine (male – but avoided contact sports, somewhat introverted).” The remainder were identified as “Extremely Masculine,” and none were described as either “Feminine” or “Extremely Feminine.” These boys absolutely do not fit the profile of HSTS as described by Blanchard. Whether they qualify instead as AGP has been hotly contested. While certain critics on 𝕏 regularly denounce all trans-identified males, regardless of their age, as fetishistic perverts (that is, autogynephiles) and therefore unworthy of compassion or understanding, parents of trans-identified males are naturally unwilling to accept this description.

I don’t believe these boys are all autogynephilic, though a small unknown number may go on to develop that condition. Instead, I see these lonely boys as full of self-loathing and desperate to “identify out” of their hated self. The story of how and why that might occur involves a condition I’ve called “outsider shame”–the sense that you’re weird, defective, or damaged in a way that means that you don’t belong, not anywhere, and never will.

I believe the source of that shame can sometimes be found in a set of psychological traits that get lumped together as neurodivergence, encompassing autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). Sometimes the shame arises from being overly sensitive, awkward or especially gifted in ways that make a child stand out in an unfavorable way. Understanding those traits will also shed light on why these boys are so vulnerable to gender ideology and the siren song of transition.

As did Lisa Littman, I’d like to emphasize that this is a hypothesis requiring extensive research and follow up. We have so little data, and what we do have is of middling quality: the parent survey I cited above, for example, is only a small convenience sample. But we do know from Hannah Barnes’ book Time to Think (2023) that around 35 percent of the children referred to the Tavistock’s Gender Identity Development Service presented with “moderate to severe autistic traits”–a rate much higher than the under-2 percent rate of autism spectrum disorder to be found within the UK’s general child population.

And that 35 percent rate likely understates the true number of neurodivergent kids treated at GIDS. The British psychoanalyst Az Hakeem has said that, excluding the transvestic cross-dressers in his practice, 100 percent of the males he treated while working for the Tavistock “were on the autistic spectrum.” 

Why do so many neurodivergent or otherwise unusual children self-identify as trans?

How It Feels to be Neurodivergent

To the extent they know anything about autism spectrum disorder, most people think it means having poor social skills and limited empathy for others. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) groups these and other features under the heading “Persistent Deficits in Social Communication and Social Interaction.” A second set of diagnostic criteria involve “Restricted, Repetitive Patterns of Behavior, Interests, or Activities.” These criteria describe people who find change unsettling and who insist upon consistency and sameness. They may have “[h]ighly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus.”[3]

Those diagnosed with ASD often have a hard time identifying and understanding what’s going on inside their bodies (interoception) and may also find it difficult to know which emotions they’re feeling (alexithymia). As a result, they can’t easily self-regulate their feeling states, are prone to explosive outbursts, and may react in ways that seem bizarre and incomprehensible to other people. For an analysis of “How Autistic Traits Can be Mistaken for Gender Dyphoria,” see the excellent essay by that title written by autism researcher Christina Buttons.

Adolescent boys who struggle with ASD come across to other people as “quirky”–the word used by Gunn in the passage quoted above and by virtually every parent interviewed for this essay in describing their sons. These boys strike their peers as weird or eccentric, as “geeks” or “freaks,” and they’re often bullied for their difference. The diagnostic criteria in the DSM-5 diagnosis may give a “scientific” description of someone who struggles with ASD but miss the agony of how it’s experienced within–the feeling that you’re damaged goods, different in a bad way from everyone else, and some kind of ugly alien.

As explained by Buttons,

[A]utistic people typically intuit that they differ from their peers, but are unable to pinpoint or describe the reason, which can be distressing. As they struggle to assimilate, they may become preoccupied with understanding themselves and how they fit in with those around them. In a desperate attempt to resolve their distress, they may “try on” different identities or diagnoses to see what “fits.”

Thus, identifying as “trans” may offer, as Gunn suggests above, “an explanation for why he doesn’t fit in, especially one that comes in a form that his friends and classmates will readily understand.”

I didn’t realize before that I was trans and that’s why I never fit in! I used to be a despised outsider but now I’m celebrated as a part of the queer community.

It’s not hard to understand why someone might want to “identify out” of a tormented self that feels defective and has been bullied by his peers. As adolescence approaches and the desire to belong intensifies, along comes gender identity ideology just in time to save these kids from outsider shame, to “explain” why they’ve never fit in. I believe this holds true for both adolescent boys and girls; it also applies to other kids who struggle with ADHD, and even to those who are so highly intelligent or sensitive that they stand out as “weird” in a social milieu that values conformity. Just recently, one of my teenage clients said it quite succinctly: “You do know I’ve always been a nerd, right? Like really, really strange. I just never understood that it was because I’m trans.”

It’s a simple and alluring explanation, one that also appeals to the autistic tendency to view the world in simplified terms of black-and-white. As Buttons explains, when autistic people “come across overly simplistic views about gender, it can provide them with a quick explanation for their troubles (they are transgender) and a ready-made solution (transition) to achieve what they hope will be a sense of normalcy and comfort in their bodies.” Their tendency toward rigid thinking and a dislike of change will make it difficult for them to relinquish this newfound identity.

A psychological approach to trans-identification gains little traction in public debates about the issue. Instead, a simplified explanation is endlessly advanced by critics such as Kellie Jay Keen: trans-identified males are “porn addled fetishists” and the entire phenomenon of men identifying as women can be accounted for by their addiction to pornography. I reject this theory but believe we must nonetheless understand the influence that pornography does have upon a subset of these boys.

Anime and Pornography

As first noted by Gunn in his series of Quillette articles, quirky trans-identified boys usually display an obsessive interest in anime, a form of hand-drawn or computer-generated animation that originated in Japan. Given how the algorithms work, it seems inevitable that, at some point, they will be exposed to the adjacent category of anime pornography and may become fascinated by it. Based on my clinical experiences with these boys, I see their interest in anime porn as a way station between childhood and fully adult sexuality, with child-like cartoon figures engaged in acts that come across as strangely innocent and sexually graphic at the same time.

At this point, some readers who have so far been empathizing with these boys might suddenly recoil. As I’ve noted before, few subjects elicit as much disgust as the idea of males masturbating in front of their computer screens, and you may be inclined to dismiss these boys as creeps. Bear in mind that boys included in the survey cited above were as young as 10 years old and clustered in their mid-teens. These young boys are struggling with and confused by their testosterone-fueled sexuality; it seems both unkind and simple-minded to write them off as sexual perverts.

Nor do we know how many of these boys have been seduced by more hardcore pornography online. Some boys I’ve seen in my practice seem detached from their bodies and find sexual arousal to be disturbing. Others are exploring their sexuality via anime pornography in a way that seems almost childlike, not compulsive in the way of boys who struggle with a true porn addiction. We need to keep an open mind and not resort to across-the-board categorization or harsh moral judgments.

In addition to anime, another type of pornography bears mentioning here: sissy hypno porn and forced feminization videos. In this genre, male viewers of (or performers in) the video are devalued, debased, and emasculated, usually by a dominant female who mocks them. They may be forced to wear women’s clothes against their will and scorned for being beta males–that is, “losers” who will never be “real men.” For a chilling example of how sissy hypno porn can persuade a vulnerable young man to believe he is trans, watch this recent episode on Benjamin Boyce’s YouTube channel.[4]

The boys I’ve described in this essay often feel that they are losers. Socially awkward misfits, they may feel hopeless about ever attracting females or having a girlfriend. Afflicted by outsider shame and sexually frustrated, they may then find ways to sexualize their shame through forced feminization videos, a topic I discussed in my presentation at Genspect’s 2023 Killarney conference; sometimes these young men take the transmax route and transform themselves into facsimiles of women, inspiring this humorous but disturbing meme: if you can’t get a girlfriend, become someone else’s girlfriend.

Boys that discover forced feminization porn online may in turn be “discovered” by older men, usually autogynephiles, who then groom the boys through conversations held in discord servers and private chats. The older men will encourage this dawning belief that they are girls trapped inside of male bodies and the boys must of course undertake medicalized transition. The groomers may offer compliments and praise for how “pretty” the boys look when cross-dressing and invite them to engage in sexting or the sharing of intimate images of their body parts.

One contentious topic is the relationship between pornography and trans-identification–that is, whether exposure to the former can cause the latter due to habituation and novelty-seeking. In his 2007 book The Brain that Changes Itself, Norman Doidge states: “When pornographers boast that they are pushing the envelope by introducing new, harder themes, what they don’t say is that they must, because their customers are building up a tolerance to the content.” The trans-activist Andrea Chu famously stated that it was exposure to sissy porn that did “make me trans.”

As I told Stephanie Winn in this podcast episode, I remain skeptical. I don’t believe that exposure to forced feminization videos can gradually transform a boy with a strong sense of self into a trans-identified female who finds degradation to be arousing. There must be a pre-condition, a prior sense of shame or inferiority which sissy hypno porn can then exploit.

A main contributor to that sense of shame is the way these quirky teens feel about themselves as boys and men.

Problematic Masculinity and the Male Sex Drive

In the article cited above, Christina Buttons notes that autistic kids tend to fixate on “social justice” issues in addition to transgender identities. In my experience, those social justice issues include the ongoing cultural critique of “toxic masculinity” and the patriarchy; nearly all the trans-identified boys I’ve encountered (either as clients in my practice or through interviewing their parents) subscribe to the oppressor-oppressed world view and consider white heterosexual males to be at the despicable top of that power structure.

These boys have a deeply problematic relationship with masculinity (whatever that means to them) and to their own bodies. Given their struggles to accurately identify bodily sensations and feeling states, they may find the emergence of sexual arousal during puberty to be profoundly unsettling; having learned to look down upon men, they may find  their new masculine sexual urges to be disturbing. As I discussed in my presentation at Genspect’s Denver conference (November 2023), some of these boys never masturbate and find both spontaneous erections and nocturnal emissions to be profoundly unsettling. One of my trans-identified clients, a young man on the spectrum, told me he wanted to take estrogen and become a woman because female sexuality “aligned more with my value system.”

At the same time, these boys have often been the targets of toxic masculinity during adolescence, ridiculed and bullied for being strange. As the survey data discussed above demonstrate, they don’t necessarily display feminine traits and behaviors from an early age, but many boys on the spectrum do come across as “gender non-conforming” in that they don’t behave like typical boys. The link between symptoms of ASD and gender non-conformity/gender dysphoria has been established by a number of studies[5], although the reasons for it are yet to be explained. The study cited in the footnote below links it to a mediating factor–a poor ability to “mentalize” or to infer the interior state of mind of other people. Why a poor ability to mentalize should be linked to a higher incidence of gender dysphoria is but one of many questions needing further research.

I believe these boys come to “explain” the ways they differ from typical biological males (their odd behaviors that might have provoked bullying) by believing something simplistic like: If I don’t fit in with the boys, then I must be a girl. Black and white, either/or. In addition, their inability to identify their own emotions and to grasp the interior states of other people makes them vulnerable to overly cognitive or ideological explanations detached from internal feeling states. I’ll have more to say about the relationship between this kind of detachment (or dissociation) and trans-identification in a later essay.

While these boys may display or cultivate certain gender non-conforming traits and denounce traditional masculinity, they also come across as typical boys obsessed with video gaming, technology, science, and strategies of war–like my client mentioned above who described himself as a “nerd.” It’s not unusual for such a boy to discover another trans-identified male who shares his science nerd interests and to become romantically involved with him. As “transwomen,” they may consider themselves to be lesbians.

I’ve heard these boys express overpowering joy in finding someone like themselves, and relief from a profound sense of loneliness and being different. When you’ve always had a hard time mentalizing the interior states of other people, it comes as an immense relief to meet someone who appears to think and feel the same ways that you do. These romantic relationships seem more like puppy love, not terribly sexual, and steeped in the sense of sameness.

* * *

Comprehending the mysterious mental states of these boys may be difficult for those unfamiliar with neurodivergent or highly gifted and sensitive boys, but a combination of profound loneliness and shame holds the key. Most of us can understand how it feels to be an outsider, excluded or rejected; we can imagine what it’s like to sense that you’re weird or different from other people in a bad way. And after years of listening to relentless public discourse about toxic masculinity, it’s not hard to understand how boys coming of age might feel ambivalent, at the very least, to confront testosterone-fueled sexual urges that trouble them.

Gender identity ideology, spread across emergent technological platforms in recent years, has offered these boys an escape. As destructive as we know that ideology to be, we can also understand why a strange and lonely boy coming of age today, desperate to belong and feel good about himself, might embrace it.

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[1] For those unfamiliar with this phenomenon, I’ve written two detailed accounts of autogynephilia for this Substack which can be found here and here.

[2] Blanchard R, Clemmensen LH, Steiner BW. Heterosexual and homosexual gender dysphoria. Arch Sex Behav. 1987 Apr;16(2):139-52. doi: 10.1007/BF01542067. PMID: 3592961.

[3] Canadian psychologist Ken Zucker believes that becoming fixated on gender identity might explain why kids on the spectrum are over-represented among trans-identified teens.

[4] Note how Shane, the subject of this episode, had absorbed and been influenced by the cultural conversation around toxic masculinity before he encountered sissy porn.

[5] See, e.g., Kallitsounaki A, Williams DM, Lind SE. Links Between Autistic Traits, Feelings of Gender Dysphoria, and Mentalising Ability: Replication and Extension of Previous Findings from the General Population. J Autism Dev Disord. 2021 May;51(5):1458-1465. doi: 10.1007/s10803-020-04626-w. PMID: 32740851; PMCID: PMC8084764.