#Love is hard work. Change is even harder work. Sticking to a goal I set out for myself and striving to keep going was worth it.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

At the start of this project all I wanted was to 'learn how to draw' using comics as a medium and the MDZS audio drama as inspiration.

I've come *very* far from making simple, 3 panel black and white comics, and I truly do intend to go even further. Thank you to everyone who cheered me on throughout 2023, it has been an incredible year in so many ways I never could have imagined. I look forwards to drawing throughout 2024 B*)

[vigilskeep]

im rly enjoying hearing about bea, it’s always so impressive to me how you can make so many very different characters and yet they all feel complex and very grounded in the setting! do you have a process for coming up with them or do they just sort of fall into place?

ahh thank you!!!

i don’t know that i have a specific process exactly... i love making characters who are very grounded in their setting & origin so i kind of work up from that. for me everything is about backstory and how that feeds into motivation and big decisions

that can go in either order, so like: minerva’s basic character concept starts with me seeing the circle and saying ‘what if i make a character who really tried to fit in here and be everything this place wanted?’, in combination with the later-introduced addition once i knew more about the setting, ‘what would it be like to have tevinter elven heritage but end up in a southern circle?’ i only go from there—the backstory—to figuring out what this person’s goals might be as the grey warden, so minerva’s ambition and obsession with optics stem from that, and her decision to spare loghain, her choice of romance, etc. all from what i think someone with that background might do

keir’s basic character concept starts with my interest in some red hawke/anders dialogue i’d heard and the concept, ‘it’d be fun to play a hawke whose love is so clear and ruthless that the question of whether or not what anders finally does is morally acceptable is almost irrelevant because he’d stand by him even if it wasn’t. what kind of person would do that?’ so with him i’m doing it in the reverse order, i’m starting with the motivation and the big later decision and then “reverse engineering” the backstory, what his relationship with his family must be like, how the hawkes’ childhood affected him. and in funny ways that changed what i started with; technically the original concept is still true, but when i made keir so protective and dedicated and fierce to justify those depths of devotion, suddenly he was really angry and heartbroken after the chantry explosion regardless, because anders was willing to throw away the life that mattered so much to him, and because anders expected him to kill him, which is the antithesis of his entire character and suggests anders might not know him very well at all. that’s the best thing, when they start coming to life in ways i didn’t expect

coming up with inquisitors i can stick to is harder for me because they don’t have what the warden and hawke have, which is a clear backstory environment and cast of characters i get to work with for those building blocks. so the reason i find trevelyans so much easier than other inquisitors to make is that i know a little about medieval history and how christian(-coded) nobility works, so it’s very very easy for me to like... figure out the “cast” i might be working with and play barbies with the setting and decide how some people might turn out. i think the eagle-eyed can notice that when i come up with a new inquisitor, it’s usually an idea for backstory and how that makes a character, even if a simple one, like: “what if i play a very privileged member of the carta who’s never fought like this before in her life?” “what if i play an older dalish character who has leadership experience?” “what if i play a pious young noblewoman who’s not yet had any experiences that break that mold?”

for me i very much believe setting is closely closely intertwined with character. it’s why i find it really difficult to make one in a setting with less hard rules, like bg3. i believe that people, based on whatever circumstances they grew up in, learn a set of logic and behaviours and frames of reference for how they think they can best deal with situations. that’s defined by your “personal” backstory, your family and your life and so on, but also by your place in the world. what were you taught about who you are and who other, different types of people are in comparison? where do you come from? what’s your religion? how much money are you accustomed to having? who in this world do you look up to? i don’t believe in making characters in isolation from all that, i’m not sure how it can be possible. it’s why i’m so passionate about dragon age, because it gives me a world that is so full and varied with options of where to come from, but also has so much room with blank spaces for you to write into and characters who can have very nuanced individual experiences that still belong in thedas. i really love it jgshsksk

i hope any of that made sense 😭

[enamouredfae]

♡ Pick a Card ♡

Advice from your Spirit Guides!

This reading is for entertainment purposes only.

This is a timeless reading for the collective, therefore it is likely that some messages will not resonate with you. Please only take the messages that do! The messages that do not, are meant for somebody else. Remember that the future is never set in stone and that you possess free will! Love you! ♡

Pile 1

Charm: Shell

You may see shells as signs from the universe. You may have Venusian placements. You have a tough exterior, but once you finally open up to people you are a hidden gem! You are a person that values privacy.

Flower: Carnation

The meaning of carnation changes depending on its colour, since this one is a stripped purple carnation, it symbolizes rejection/refusal and capriciousness. It being a dry bud, for me at least, symbolizes that this is a small issue that isn't likely to grow! You might've been refused a caprice recently, or you may have too high expectations that are likely not going to be fulfilled.

Significator: Page of Cups

Self-sufficient is the word I thought of when I saw this card. I think that at the moment you are really starting to work through your emotions, you might be finally doing some introspection, journaling, talking to people, seeing a therapist, etc. You are beginning a journey of emotional growth. You might also be receiving a message soon, be aware of any symbols that matter to you or ask the universe for certain symbols for guidance.

Astro: Virgo and Capricorn

There is a high chance that you have Virgo or Capricorn placements. You may be earth dominant. You may be Mercury/Saturn dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

I thought of soil when I saw these cards, not a plant, but very well-nourished soil. It seems like you are making a foundation for yourself that is not rooted in anyone else, it simply comes from you. You are the soil, the water, the nutrients, and your future self is the plant. Flower crowns may be significant to you as well, or you may find great healing by connecting with nature and connecting to nature's cycles.

What you need advice on:

VI of Wands and X of Pentacles (reversed)

There are a few possibilities I see here. You may be having a hard time getting your accomplishments noticed by others, you might not receive the praise you desire or feel you deserve. Another possibility is that you may have a hard time feeling successful due to your financial situation. You may have received a large sum of money that should make you happy, but it doesn't. You may be very well off financially, but it is causing some hardships, and others might not understand these hardships because they think that they'd be very happy in your position.

Advice:

King of Pentacles and XVIII. The Moon

I feel like at least one of you should monetize your intuition. Some of you have or will meet a person (very likely an earth placement), that is either a business partner or a lover/friend, that will somehow help you with your financial issue. They might recommend you to someone for example. Perhaps if you confide in the King of Pentacles, they'll help you immensely, they're someone you can rely on, if not financially, emotionally. Others should embody the King of Pentacles, be determined, stick to a routine. For others, someone could be hiding smth from you that would help you immensely with this issue. Listen to your intuition! Do not forget that your anxieties and fears are valid, and it is normal to be feeling like this! Your worth is not defined by your financial success!

38. Willow and 5. Cerato and Honeysuckle

Willow talks about self-responsibility: make a plan, stick to it and, most importantly, try to stop complaining. You have the strength to get through this, complaining just engrains it in your head that you have a problem making it harder to get out of that mindset, instead try working on the solution. Cerato talks about the fact that no matter how many people you ask, no matter how many books you read, your gut knows best! Trust yourself and your intuition. Whatever feels right, is! Just know that domestic happiness is very important right now, cherish whoever that may be (King of Pentacles perhaps), be it your cat or even yourself if you live alone, give and accept affection! This could be a message for a specific person but I feel called to note that as I was shuffling the oracles I started singing "Runaway" by Aurora. Perhaps the lyrics are meaningful to one of you, or it can reassure you that this pile is meant for you if this is your favorite song.

Pile 2

Charm: Cactus

You may see cacti as signs from the universe or have a very strong emotional attachment to them due to a certain memory. I feel like a lot of people are attracted to you, but they feel that you will reject or hurt them if they get too close. Or you consciously or subconsciously hurt people when they get too close. You might think you don't deserve love, which is NOT TRUE. Love isn't something that has to be deserved! But if it were, you most certainly deserve it!

Flower: Freesia

Yellow freesias symbolize joy, renewal, and friendship. It is the go-to flower to convey to someone that you trust them. You are incredibly trustworthy, someone to whom your loved ones come for advice. You are a great listener, are very delicate and tactful in your interactions with others.

Significator: IX. The Hermit

You are doing a lot of self-reflection right now, sometimes the pondering even turns into daydreams. You may also be connecting with and thinking about your spiritual/religious beliefs. You are looking to understand the light that illuminates your path. You may have started meditating, or you should start! Spiritual awakening is happening or coming soon! You could be isolating yourself at the moment as well.

Astro: Jupiter and Libra

There is a high chance that you have Libra or Sagittarius placements. You may be air dominant. You may be Jupiter/Venus dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

The words that I kept thinking about at this point in the reading were "letting karma do its job" and "visions of the future". You may be clairvoyant! But most of you act a lot like the Justice tarot card, you like balance and fairness, and have a life philosophy based on these ideas. Your higher education might've played a big role in this.

What you need advice on:

II of Cups (reversed) and Queen of Swords

Someone may be rationalizing or overthinking a perceived imbalance in a relationship. Of course, the Queen of Swords, likely an air placement, is intelligent, they may be right in their thinking but because of the advice received, I believe their judgment is clouded by insecurity. They may feel unworthy of what they receive, seeing that you chose the cactus charm and have libra as an astro card, it is very likely that this is you but this may be your person as well, both options are possible.

Advice:

King of Cups and IV of Swords (reversed)

See, the King of Cups is upright, this person, very likely a water placement, is very emotionally mature, compassionate, and understanding. Whereas the swords person is exhausted and stagnant due to the deep contemplation happening. I feel they may also be insecure, causing the overthinking. If this is you, trust me, you deserve the King of Cups! If this is your person, make them realize that they deserve you! They need a lot of reassurance.

1. Agrimony and 7. Chestnut Bud and Morning Glory

Love, whether romantic or platonic, requires hard work, determination, and affection. Agrimony talks about a person that needs balance, both inside and outside. You may find it by showing more of yourself, especially by starting with your loved ones. Because you might not be used to it, start little by little, and observe how accepting those you love can be. Chestnut Bud talks about focus and learning from experience. For me, it's another confirmation that someone is overthinking, see the girl looking very melancholic, whereas their counterpart is goofing around. Don't take life too seriously! Have fun with your loved one!

Pile 3

Charm: Leaf

You might see certain trees or leaves as signs from the universe. When I picked up this charm I immediately thought "Leave!" So if you were thinking about a voyage, there's your sign, just be mindful of covid regulations, please. The idea of falling also popped up, so you might be falling for someone rn or feeling like you're in a perpetual fall emotionally.

Flower: Orchid

I would just like to point out that, although this orchid dried white, it was actually a baby purple orchid when alive. I will therefore explain both colors: purple orchids represent royalty, admiration, and respect, whereas white ones symbolize purity and innocence. But they are, no matter what color, always a symbol of luxury, delicate beauty, and virility.

Significator: 0. The Fool

You may be starting smth new with confidence, smth you haven't done before, making you a bit inexperienced, but still willing to take the leap of faith. OR you may be acting foolishly by looking back or the opposite way of the thing you'd do with confidence. Let me explain, as you can see the Astro cards are both looking in one direction, with determination, and confidence. Whereas The Fool is looking the opposite way. Your significator may be saying that you're being foolish to look the other way, wondering what-ifs.

Astro: Sagittarius and Mars

There is a high chance that you have Sagittarius, Aries, or Scorpio placements. You may be fire dominant. You may be Jupiter/Mars dominant/ruled. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

You have a clear goal that you can easily reach through your actions. Look at Mars' demeanor, he knows Sagittarius is hitting the target. Do not doubt yourself, there's nothing to worry about. Stay focused!

What you need advice on:

XI. Justice (reversed) and Queen of Cups

Clearly, there is a decision to be made here, and you really want to listen to your heart. And you're questioning whether you should? I just want to reassure you, the Queen of Cups is highly in tune with their intuition and their emotions, you should trust yourself.

Advice:

X of Swords (reversed) and II of Pentacles

You are clearly in pain, whether or not it is talking about this decision that is eating you up. Healing and recovery are important right now! It's time to stop resisting an inevitable end, and start recovering. Look, the reversal allows for the swords to just fall out of your back, just look inwards! Don't forget to balance work with fun, you deserve to relax! Another way to see this is that you are restricting yourself by seeing this as a choice, why not do both? Although, if we are talking about people here, there better be a mutual agreement on polygamy! I will not invite you to cheat! If we are talking about activities, you are capable of doing both if it's too hard to choose, you just need to figure out how to balance them. A specific message is that some of you want to go back to doing smth you've dreamt of doing as a child, if that is the case, pls do it, at least as a hobby!

13. Gorse and 32. Vine and Trumpet Gentian

There is a need to heal some inner wounds. I immediately thought of inner child work when I saw the Trumpet Gentian in combination with the Vine. Vine talks about acts of service and leadership skills, try parenting yourself/your inner child, give yourself the love that you may have lacked as a kid. You are worthy of it! Gorse is all about perspective and imagination. Do a brainstorming of possible outcomes depending on the decision you take, you can do this alone, but the input of loved ones that can be honest with you would do wonders. Don't forget your future can go in many different ways, and whichever decision you take is the right one!

Pile 4

Charm: Angel

You may see angels or angel numbers as signs from the universe. You are a person that is divinely guided and divinely protected. It seems to me like you have a very strong intuition or are very aware of your divine gifts.

Flower: Rose

Of course, roses are always symbolic of love. Therefore I believe it is more note-worthy here to talk about the size. This is a tiny rose. Just like the carnation bud, it did not have time to grow and is now immortalized in its youth stage. You may be inexperienced in love, or hold naive beliefs about it. You might be experiencing youthful romance right now.

Significator: XV. The Devil

What I find interesting here is that you got the angel charm with the devil significator. This is very conflicting energy. The sentence that I kept thinking throughout the reading is "wolf in sheep clothing" or "sheep in wolf's clothing", I kept mixing up the words, just very contradictory energy. The way you present yourself to the world is very different from how you truly are. You might also be a person prone to obsessing over people, things, interests, etc. I also would like to note here that this pile was the hardest to get the cards, the amount of shuffling I did here until the cards flew made me sweat hahaha. It's also a very confusing reading. Therefore, I believe you carry a lot of confusion yourself, although your intuition is incredibly powerful, you might suffer from being very paranoid, and sometimes being unable to differentiate your intuition from your delusions. I also think you're very secretive, you do not want people to know or understand you.

Astro: Neptune and Moon

There is a high chance that you have Pisces or Cancer placements. You may be water dominant. You may be Neptune/Moon dominant/ruled. You could have a Neptune/Moon aspect. This could also apply to the person you need advice on if that is the case.

"This is a time of great psychic sensitivity for you. Trust your intuition and follow its guidance." You should try to differentiate emotions from intuition, I know it's hard, but they are different things, and it's very important to tell them apart! Your dreams may hold messages, try having a dream journal and interpreting them if you don't do that already.

What you need advice on:

IX of Wands (reversed) and V of Swords (reversed)

As you can see ALL of the tarot cards I've received in this reading are reversed, implying inner conflicts that require inner change/work. You might've said/done smth you now regret, and you hate yourself for it, you may also be incredibly paranoid that others will find out. You want the paranoia to end. You want to make amends, to reconciliate/atone, but are unsure on whether you should do it. Perhaps you don't feel emotionally prepared to reopen that wound.

Advice:

V. The Hierophant (reversed) and VII of Wands (reversed)

What I noticed here is that The Hierophant mirrors The Devil, not as perfectly as The Lovers, but it is incredibly similar. Once again that energy of opposition, contradiction, and confusion appears, "the wolf in sheep's clothing". For some, my fixation on this phrase could be a warning. For others an invitation to look in the mirror... Try looking at the situation from the other person's point of view! I'm not saying you are a "wolf in sheep's clothing", but that might be how you're being perceived. You are exhausted, remorse is eating up all of your energy. The Hierophant is saying that you should stay true to your personal beliefs, so if you believe apologizing is necessary to move on, do it!

This could be unrelated and for a specific person, but don't be afraid of challenging the status quo! If it hurts none, do as you will, embody your true self! I just want to remind you that going against your loved one's idea of "normalcy" is not hurting them, it's loving yourself. But remember that you also don't owe anyone a "coming out", you are valid whether or not you tell people! Do whatever your heart tells you and please be safe!

!!! : Of course, this doesn't count if what's challenging the status quo doesn't respect others' identity/ sexuality/ ethnicity/ religion/ etc. If challenging the status quo comes from a place of hate please block me. Nobody is using this reading as a sign to do some fucked up shit.

3. Beech and 2. Aspen and Lily

When I saw Beech I immediately thought "talk to someone, or you could spiral." Beech talks about self-acceptance and self-compassion. You must first accept yourself as you are, an imperfect human being, like all humans, before starting to work on embodying your highest self. Stay open-minded! Aspen, on the other hand, invites you to connect with others, not only for advice or consoling but for quality time! I have a feeling that you have very high morals, but having them isn't enough, you must act accordingly!

Thank you for reading! Love you all.♡

You can buy me a coffee if you feel called to do so! This is never necessary, but always appreciated! ♡

[upwardwrites]

——— Hello, writeblr!

🪶 Call me Upward. I’m ancient by tumblr standards : I made my main blog (unsurprisingly named @upward - where my likes/follows come from!) in 2008.

🪶 I’m in my mid-thirties, based in the US and use she/her pronouns.

🪶 I spend a lot of time with words. As a Creative Director with a background in Copywriting, my day is spent making sure words, images and emotion play nice. Even when I’m not working on my novel or short stories.

🪶 My Copywriting experience has given me great tools for my own work, but one of my passions is helping others write and edit more effectively too!

🪶 I’m lousy with grammar though. Can’t use a comma properly to save my life, according to countless proofreaders.

🪶 I’m also a photographer! And I collect hobbies. Learning things makes my brain happy even if I don’t stick with it.

🪶 Mostly speculative fiction, sci-fi, fantasy, horror. Appalachian settings and themes play enormous roles in my work as do my characters’ relationships with the setting.

🪶 avatar art is not mine, credit is here!

🪶 Primary WIP: The Butcher Bird

(This sounds like a shitty movie voiceover I KNOW IM SORRY)

For as long as anyone could remember, most humans looked skyward for extraterrestrial arrival. Even if they had looked in the right place, it wouldn’t have saved them. Several years after the collapse of civilization, an event known as the Landing, only a small percentage of the human population remains, learning to survive in communities cut off from technology and the rest of the world. Sadie Barton returns to the Smoky Mountains, in many ways the same unruly girl who left her daddy’s house on the lake the day she turned eighteen. But years of service in a secretive militia left deep marks, the most recent of which brings her to the struggling community of Snowbird and some old friends. Despite a brutal start to another hard winter, it’s a chance to right some wrongs, find a purpose and finally come home. Except the trees across the hills and in the hollers are lighting up with more strange runes, making it much harder for her to disappear.

I’ve had this story in my head for more than ten years, but didn’t start actively writing it until Autumn of 2021. I’m nearing the end of my first draft but I keep learning new things, meeting interesting characters and messing with what I’ve already written. Good chance it’s well over 150k words with “deleted scenes” or pieces I haven’t been able to place yet. Likely a duology and it sets up a fun universe to play in!

🪶 Additional WIPs: UPDATED 7/17

1. Unnamed Appalachian Horror Project

Co-writing an Appalachian horror anthology with a friend. Short stories that intersect. Inspired by a card from the game Inscryption.

2. Unnamed Web Series

Another joint venture that will hopefully become a web series! A slice of life comedy that explores what happens when residents of a rural mountain community have problems with their HOA (and each other).

A smattering of short stories neglected for years and years. More suspended and unfinished than in progress. But they’re there!

🪶 Etc etc: Why and What else?

I’m not really comfortable peppering most people with details about my project. I’m keeping it close (why you won’t find things like full chapters here either) and surprisingly shy about letting anyone read my work.

But I’m desperate to talk about it! What I’m learning, changes I’m making, ideas I get. What my OCs are like.

Even though I’ve been writing since I could hold a pencil (I still remember my first short story from first grade) and people even pay me to write, I have no idea how to write good novel-length fiction. I have so much to learn. I get stuck frequently. I lose focus. I battle a lot of burn out.

I try to write at least 400 words a day unless I’m having a tough burn-out day, so that’s my primary writing goal. My next one? Finish this rough draft by June 30 of 2022.

So bring on the questions and the prompts and the ideas. I’d love to read your work and ask you more about it, too!

[pompadourpink]

hey mom this might be a bit heavy and long, sorry!

how do you live past your mental illness? i graduated after having been convinced i wouldnt make it for years. now im in college and its hard to actually imagine a real future for myself, or even feel motivated for it, yanno? ive been studying french for like 5 years and im still in intermediate/beginner purgatory, so self studying isnt going well either. i guess, how do i set goals and stick to/feel accomplished by them? i dont think i ever learned how

thanks!!!

Hello dear,

I had chronic depression for more than a decade and thought from the bottom of my heart that I would never survive it or beat it and I did, so I have loads to say.

The stuff that torments you most likely exists only inside your head - as in, no one else thinks that. It sounds stupid but it is not: if someone tells you that you're bright, if someone likes you, if someone trusts you with something, don't tell them or think that they are wrong. They made their decision and stand by it. In high school, I convinced myself that I was unlovable, ignored/pushed away anyone who liked me, then spent years complaining about being completely lonely and miserable, and that was entirely my doing. I could have been happy, and I wasn't. Trust others and allow them in your circle, even if your brain tells you it's a scam. It's not. Don't make yourself sadder than you already are.

Rebrand. I used to see myself as a plate that had been thrown on the floor many times and kept being broken into smaller and smaller pieces, which made it harder and harder to reconstruct fully. I also used to picture my depression as some type of vicious little demon that was riding on my back, biting and wounding my shoulders with its sharp teeth and long claws, and taking all the pleasure in the world in never letting me have one moment of peace. After making many changes in my life (cutting ties, better people, therapy, prioritising myself), I began seeing my wounds as bruises that would eventually heal, and, more importantly, after watching The seventh seal, I started picturing depression/Death as No-face from Spirited away: massive, a bit creepy, silent, always by my side, but not evil, not malicious, just there. After a while, it felt like a reassuring presence who had been standing next to me faithfully for most of my life, and when I beat depression, my oldest friend waved and went away. So long, my dear, until we meet again!

Obviously, get a therapist if you can afford one, but even if you can, talk to as many people as you can and read a lot, especially about psychology and psychiatry. I started feeling better in 2018 and beat depression in March 2020, ironically, because everyone on social media started getting symptoms of depression (feeling like crap, gaining weight, having issues with hygiene, etc.) which no one normally talked about, and I realised I wasn't broken, I just had been having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. Hear as many points of view as you can so you can make an educated decision.

When it comes to the future, think of what you've loved your entire life. When I think of my current life, everything I have has been carried since childhood. Don't study for a particular job, but work for a particular life. Identify what makes you happy, what you are good at, what you love, and focus on that stuff and that stuff only. Become excellent at those things, and find a way to make a living out of it - you don't have to follow the regular path, everything is temporary anyway, and what matters is that you're happy. That's it.

When it comes to goals, the first step is to find out what meaning you want to give to your life: two questions here, the first being what is my greater purpose? And the other what is my biggest personal goal? The second step is to declutter. And I don't mean declutter your wardrobe - declutter everything. Your house, head, diet, relationships, beliefs, habits; anything that doesn't serve you, brings you closer to your main goal or purpose, makes you miserable, has to go. The third step is to question constantly why you want to do things: do you actually (why?), or are you trying to impress someone, or to reach another person's dream? If you can't manage to do something, either you need to cut it into smaller pieces and treat yourself after reaching each milestone, or admit that you don't actually want to do it. In the case of French, check out my Google drive and read Goosebumps, or tweets, or sing along karaoke on Youtube. Make it fun, easy, frequent but short, and be nicer to yourself.

Love and power,

Mum

[thevirgodoll]

hi! i was wondering if you have any tips to stay organized and stay on task? i’ve been doing a short online course this year and have really struggled to ACTUALLY bring myself to do the work, as assignments and lessons are not under any time constraints i just don’t do it. i also have adhd so get bored or distracted easily. do you have any tips for me?

This is really close to me because I also have ADHD. I have both inattentive and hyperactive type. *As a result, this academic tip guide will be a guide for people with ADHD and not neurotypical people, without disability. There is a difference.*

I am doing online as well this semester.

1. I create a schedule. If I do not create a schedule, I will be unproductive the entire day. So, what will help you is to do things in orderly fashion.

For example, at 12p - I will do this assignment/watch this lecture. You have to dictate what time you’re doing everything. Then, you also have to block out technology distractions while you are working. 

-> Even if you’ve gotten halfway through the day with no schedule, write down or block off times on your digital calendar for what you are going to do at each time. ADHD is easier to tackle if you break things down into smaller tasks.

*Pro tip that I almost forgot: before you do anything, wear your day clothes. Don’t wear pajamas. Actually getting dressed or even doing hair/makeup changes things.

2. Download the Forest app after you have created your schedule. I consistently recommend this because it works in increasing productivity. It allows you to set it for however long you’re doing this task, say 30 minutes.

-> Why?: It will block all apps on your phone for (insert time here) to plant a tree, and if you leave the app your “tree” will die. Eventually, the more sessions you do, the more points you will gain to plant different plants, and eventually plant real trees around the world.

3. Have a list (& a planner) as well. Not only is the schedule creating structure, but the list creates even more structure so you know what you need to get done for the day. It also helps you not fall victim to the classic symptom of forgetting. Each day, you should write down what you WANT to get done and create your own times to look at lecture and assignments. Have goals for the day.

For example: complete assignment 2.

If you do not have expectations with yourself before the day begins, your ADHD will kind of take over and do something else. I have structure to my day. I set a timer to wake up at the same time. I take my ADHD medicine 90 minutes before my final wake up time, and I do my morning routine once it kicks in. Having the same routine helps.

-> Focus on your goals. Don’t be super harsh about the times.

-> Don’t overwhelm with how many things on to do list. Again, break it up into small tasks. For example, one part being: Wash dishes or fold laundry. It makes it less overwhelming to your brain and gives you a choice of which task. Typical non ADHD people just tell you to prioritize tasks but that doesn’t work for us. Do it in a random order and it gets the job done.

4. TAKE BREAKS! The other side to this is making sure that you give yourself adequate breaks.

*For hyperfocus, wait til your hyperfocus has started to wear off. Use it to your advantage for peak productivity. It is no joke.*

-> The misconception is that some people with ADHD are lazy and as a result, some ADHDers won’t take breaks. You can take a break. Healthy, long breaks do more for you long term.

-> Have a timer set. For example, after a 45 minute session or an hour session, I will take a break to do another task that has nothing to do with studying, like laundry, eating a snack, or stretching. Then after that task is done, I will go back to studying.

5. Have a workspace. Only do work at this space. I do schoolwork at my living room table and it is perfect. I do not study in my room because that is my sanctuary for relaxation and rest, not productivity. Make an effort to make the workspace clean, with your supplies - laptop, notebooks, pens, etc - readily available.

-> Once I get to my workspace, everything for the morning is already done. I’ve done my morning routine, so all there is left to do is hydrate while I study.

6. Recognize if you have adequate energy to do the task. Sometimes, with ADHD you may neglect your needs. If you are not getting enough rest, here are some tips:

•Bed should be for rest only.

•Blackout curtains

•Lavender essential oil, I have a diffuser but you can also put it on your pillow

•Background noise: pick what you want, lo fi music, rain sounds, binaural beats, singing bowls

•If all else fails, ADHD is often comorbid with other illnesses, meaning you could have a form of depression causing insomnia for example. This should be considered if you are having long term issues and symptoms.

7. Don’t overdo it. We are not neurotypical. Executive dysfunction is real - meaning our brains actually shut down when it perceives a task to be mundane.

-> You do not have to fit everything into one schedule for the sake of being “productive”. Each day should be what you know you can do, and there are different days to tackle different goals.

-> When you feel like you cannot continue, which is literally a symptom of ADHD, sit still for a few minutes.

8. Have a “What I Did Today” List. Because of how ADHD actually makes us feel, we don’t realize how much work we have put in. ADHD actually can be explained easily, we have about 2 dopamine workers showing up to work while most people are at maximum capacity. We are working overtime to do our best, even on medicine. So, acknowledging what we did today is good and encouraging, or at least reflecting in a journal.

9. Play music. It’s recommended to play study music without words because with ADHD we will submerge ourselves into the playlist of nostalgic 90s R&B. I recommend lo fi hip hop on YouTube, video game instrumentals, classical music, or jazz instrumentals. Whatever gets you going just do it!

General ADHD tips:

•Rewrite lecture notes and type the lecture notes.

•Color code with bright colors and pretty drawings or calligraphy

•Instead of telling yourself “I need to take notes” which usually leads to procrastination say “Rewrite lecture notes and emphasize main points” ... this is useful in your to do list but in everyday goals

•Generally try to get your assignments done ahead of time if there is structure to certain courses, if not, again, stick to the schedule. If you slip one day off your schedule then don’t beat yourself up. Breathe!!!

•Side effect of most ADHD meds is that you’re not hungry so buy easy things to eat like muscle milk or yogurt and granola or smoothies so you can sustain yourself

•Get a dry erase board to show what you need to do for the day and put it on the fridge with command strips

•To avoid forgetting things, put them at a table near the door where you leave your apartment/dorm/house.

•Don’t overthink the time it takes to get ready, often that’s why ADHDers are late. Better to be super early than late though - have a routine set so you know how long each task takes - for example “I know a shower takes me 15 mins, washing my face takes 60 seconds and a few more including sunscreen/moisturizer, etc...”

•In that same grain, set timers for going to the bathroom, showering, etc just in case you one day hyperfocus and push yourself too far

•Open the blinds!!!!

•Clean your room and tidy up your space. A cluttered space impacts your mental health in a really negative way. Your space reflects your mental state at times as well, so check in with yourself. Have a specific day where you know you’re going to clean, but ADHD sometimes gives us bursts of cleaning so take advantage of that as well.

•Anytime your water bottle empties refill it. Have your water bottle or mason jar next to your workspace, and drink 5-10 gulps. Seriously. ADHD depends a lot on hydration, especially if you are on medicine which naturally dehydrates you. If you do not stay hydrated, you’ll get that massive headache mid day and crash sooner. A lot of times, lack of productivity can be due to not drinking enough water.

•If you don’t take medication, then sometimes you may notice you love coffee, and that’s because it’s a stimulant. Too much of anything is not good, but balance it with water. If you’re going to use coffee to kinda “medicate” then do it close to when you’re going to be productive.

•Setting yourself up to do a task rather than envisioning the overwhelming act of doing the entire action. “Okay, lets just get up and get the first step down, such as opening the laptop or wetting the toothbrush.” Baby steps.

•Take advantage of accommodations! Your college more than likely has an Office of Disability Services. Also, email your professors...they’re actually just as stressed as you about classes being online.

•Remember that you’re already trying as hard as you can, so don’t listen to the narrative of “try harder”, “you’re *r word*”, “you’re cheating by using medication”, “just do it,” “it’s easy,” “what’s so hard about it?” or “you’re lazy”. Anyone telling you that, even yourself, is wrong. And DO NOT allow anyone to be ableist, even yourself.

•Validate yourself. Don’t let anyone to do the “I experience that too”/“I know what you mean”/“we ALL have trouble with this!” and they don’t have ADHD. No. It’s our experience, it’s valid, and unlike anything on the planet. If you’re reading this and you don’t have ADHD - no, you do not experience any of the things in my next bullet point.

•Don’t be hard on yourself if you stumble along the way getting this right. ADHD completely changes your executive functioning.

We see the task, but our brain blocks it.

We have something marked down as “important” but our brain tosses it out in the “trash”.

We watch an entire episode of a show, but our brain ignored the entire thing. Our brain picks and chooses what is stimulating, our brain changes our interests.

We have sensory overload, we have no dopamine, we have bursts of curiosity that cannot be contained (often inconvenient) and if interrupted, our brains cannot take it.

People often discount how many things ADHD actually changes because it’s widely misunderstood. I want to take the time to acknowledge that ADHD, formerly known as simply ADD, has different types: primarily inattentive, primarily hyperactive-impulsive, or combined which is what I have. So it’s not “hyper” and “relatable”. It is also not a buzzword to use to describe things. I must put stereotypes and misrepresentations of ADHD to rest.

It impacts us emotionally as well, which most people don’t know... such as rejection dysphoria — extreme sensitivity to being criticized to where our brains self destruct. Our brains don’t regulate emotions well.

ADHDers - do not fall victim to how everyone else operates and call yourself a failure. We have to work twice as hard and the results actually come out brilliant especially with our determination and imaginative ideas that are also seen in autistic individuals, honorable mention!

There’s good days and bad days. There’s literal changes in thinking that other people do not experience. We all collectively know wouldn’t be who we are without ADHD, but we all recognize the challenges. However, it makes me happy to see messages like this so that I can make a difference and hopefully help one person with ADHD, especially of color, at a time stop being so hard on themselves. 💗

[whatisthiswritingthing]

Can They do That? - Christen Press x Hockey!Reader

Prompt: For christen press where the reader plays a different sport(hockey if you can) and Chris and some of the team goes to on of her games and does not understand it at all and somehow the reader gets hurt during the game as well (Like for example different play skate hits the reader ankle when they get pushed up against the glass)

Note: I changed the injury a little bit, hope thats cool. Keep sending requests! 

“What time is puck off?” Sonnett asked the group

“You know it’s puck drop Sonny,” Horan rolled her eyes at the blonde.

“Puck off sounds cooler,” the defender replies with a shrug.

It was a day off for the soccer players during a camp, their day off very conveniently lined up with the same day the national hockey team was playing. Christen had made plans to go watch her girlfriend play, this of course turned into a group outing and now most of the soccer team was in a box above the ice waiting for the game to start.

Christen admittedly didn’t understand hockey as much as she should, especially after dating one for several years. The hockey player had tried several times to explain the game without much luck. Now sitting in a room full of soccer players who also didn’t understand the game made her feel much better.

Even though they didn’t know the intricacies of the sport, they all still enjoyed watching the game. All incredibly impressed at the skill and finesse needed for the brute sport.

“I thought women’s hockey was non-contact?” Ali asked next to Christen, both wincing as they watched Y/N and an opposing player push each other into the boards.

“It is,” Christen trailed off, watching Y/N get pinned against the boards by a substantially larger player.

“Do you think they have practices just on how to get over the boards?” Rose pondered. “And why don’t they just use the door? That seems much more efficient.”

Roses question went unanswered as Y/N was once again pushed along the boards, this time by two larger players. All the soccer players wincing as the sound rattled through the arena.

Y/N was small and fast, she could stick handle like Tobin could juggle. This unfortunately led to Y/N being the target of many defenders. She could easily handle herself, while substantially smaller than most defenders, she knew how to handle the contact, giving as good as she got majority of the time.

Watching Y/N play always worried Christen, she had no fear going against the larger players. Stating she “didn’t check them, she guided them to the boards”. Christen of course didn’t know what she meant but assumed it more aggressive than she made it sound. Still always cringing when she saw her girlfriend get hit particularly hard

With the way the game was going, there was lots of cringing happening. It seemed Y/N was getting hit more and more, her teammates doing their best to draw the other teams attention, but they had their focus set on Y/N. Y/N continued to take the contact, the other team struggling to contain the small center.

“Do you think Y/N will teach me to hit like that?” Kelley asked Christen.

“Pretty sure that,” Alex said, motioning to the ice, “is not allowed in our league. I’m not even sure it’s allowed in this league.”

The arena erupted in yells and hollers, high fives given all around as the US scored late in the first period. Y/N with a cheeky move, having spun and backhanded the puck just on the other side of the goalies outstretched leg.

The team on the ice celebrated, high fives down the bench, and then the game was resetting.

As play progressed, more and more hockey players were sent to the penalty box, leaving the soccer players confused at the calls.

“It’s called a sin bin?” Sonnett yelled, excited after her and Lindsey looked up one of the penalties. “We need a sin bin in soccer!”

“You of all people should not want a sin bin Sonnett,” Sam challenged, “you and Kelley would never leave it.”

“HEY! I heard that!” Kelley attempted to defend herself, “besides, it looks kind of nice. Good spot for a little break, maybe a snack or two.”

“You would want there to be snacks in a penalty box,” Alex rolled her eyes.

“Like you wouldn’t want a snack break here and there during soccer,” Sonnett challenged back.

Christen tuned out the group, focusing on the game and how often Y/N seemed to be getting hit. The Russian team realizing early on in the game the only way to keep up, was to keep Y/N down.  

By the start of the third period, the Russians figured out keeping Y/N down wasn’t working either, she had scored another goal in the second and assisted two others. Y/N was aware of the increased interest and did her best to avoid the contact instead of fighting through it, the defense finding her anyway. Cheap shots being thrown while Y/N was pinned in the corner. One in particular dislodging the cage to her helmet, knocking the helmet off entirely. The Russian player throwing a hard elbow to Y/N face, immediately splitting open the skin, which quickly began to bleed profusely.

The refs quickly intervened, separating the rest of the players attempting to join in. The US players quickly pulling their injured player away from the scrum and towards the bench, blood now covering most of the right side of her face, dripping on the ice and jersey as they went.

Christen was on feet at the edge of the box trying to get a better look at her girlfriend. She knew she had to be alright since the hockey player skated off on her own, but there was just so much blood.

“They can’t do that, right?” Sam questioned softly.

“No Sammy, they definitely can’t,” Mal rubbed her back. The soccer players watching as the entire Russian line was sent to the penalty box along a few US players.

Y/N was immediately taken to the training room, there was no way she was going back. They were winning and the team wasn’t risking any more harm to the forward.

The trainers helped her removed her equipment, they cleaned the large cut and determined she would need stitches. The team doctor quickly setting up to do the stitches, putting in a local atheistic to freeze the wound.

While waiting Y/N finished changing and grabbed her phone, texting her worried girlfriend to ensure she was fine.

           Y/N:                 Soooo I did a thing…

Christen rolled her eyes in the booth when she saw the text her girlfriend sent her, of course she would downplay this. The rest of the soccer players all asking how Y/N was, they liked her and were concerned about her as well. They knew how serious it would be to be taken directly to a training room.

           Christen:          Yeah, I saw your thing babe. Are you ok? How bad is it?

           Y/N:                 I’m good, they are just about to stitch it once the freezing sets in.

                                   I’ll see you back at the hotel after babe, I promise I’m alright.

Christen wanted to press more, she wanted to see with her own eyes that Y/N was alright Y/N always downplayed her injuries though, never wanting Christen to worry more than she already did.

           Christen:          Sounds good love. Let me know when you’re on your way back and I’ll meet you in the lobby.

           Y/N:                 Yes dear.

Christen could sense the sarcasm through the text but knew the hockey player was joking and trying to ease her girlfriends worry.

Fortunately, the two teams were staying in the same hotel and were only separated by a few floors. They didn’t see much of each other, but it was definitely beneficial in a situation like this.

Christen was nervously pacing the lobby, Y/N said she was on her way back and would be there soon. As soon as Y/N walked through the doors Christen was immediately in her arms.

“I’m alright Chris, it’s ok,” Y/N whispered soothingly into Christens ear, rubbing her hand up and down her back.

Christen pulled back, running her thumb along Y/N cheek, resisting the urge to touch the angry looking stiches above her eyebrow. Y/N grasped Christens hand, pulling it to her lips and her knuckles and gentle kiss.

“I’m ok Chris,” Y/N repeated, pulling the woman into a gentle kiss.

“Alright Romeo,” Hilary called as her and more of the hockey players arrived, “I’m ditching the room tonight for you, so you can take your girl up there and quit making out in the lobby.”

The hockey players all laughed while Y/N blushed as they all made their way to their rooms.

“You got a feisty one here Press,” Knight commented, clapping Y/N on her back. “Good thing she had a hard head! Take care of our giri, I really am ditching the room, I’m going to crash with Duggans.”

With a wink, the hockey player was gone.

“Come on lets gets you showered and in bed,” Christen guided Y/N towards the elevator, keeping her hand in Y/N’s the whole time. Snuggling into her chest while the road the elevator.

Once in the room Christen started puttering around to get everything ready for the two of them to shower.

“You really don’t need to shower with me Chris, it’s just stiches,” Y/N protested.

“Are you turning down a chance to be naked in a shower with me? You must have been hit harder than we thought, I should go get your trainers,” Christen joked, moving to step away from the hockey player.

Y/N quick wrapped an arm around Christens waist, while the other went to the back of her neck, pulling her in.

“I am definitely not saying no to you in the shower with me,” Y/N closed the distance, kissing Christen.

The two kissed in the bathroom while the shower heated up, slowly helping each other undress.

Christen gasped when she saw the dried blood still along Y/N chest and shoulder.

“I’m alright babe, I knew I was showering right away so I didn’t work too hard to clean up. I’m sorry, I didn’t think about what you would see.”

The two got under the hot water, Christen taking her time to lather body wash along Y/N’s body, feeling the hockey player loosen under the gentle ministrations. She let out a soft moan when Christen began massaging shampoo in her hair, being cautious not to pull too much to avoid stretching the stitches.

By the time Christen finished, Y/N was exhausted, the effort from the game, the steam of the shower, and the gentle hands of her girlfriend draining her last bit of energy.

Christen quickly washed herself, and helped her girlfriend out of the shower, wrapping her up in a towel first before herself.  She dried her off quickly, letting her get dressed while she did the same.

The two women made their way to the bed, Y/N on her back while Christen moved to lay on her chest.

“Thank you for taking care of me love,” Y/N whispered softly, placing a delicate kiss on Christens head.

“Of course Y/N, you don’t need to thank me, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Christen stretched up, the two sharing a gentle kiss before she settled back down so the two could do to sleep.

Y/N asleep in seconds, the fatigue finally catching up her.

[kevindayscrown]

The one where Kevin Day falls in love with an ice hockey player.

Part 15

Epilogue 

Anything included in this head canon takes place the semester after the Foxes won the championship against the Ravens.

Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about varsity teams in the United States so excuse any false information. Head over to the directory to find the previous parts, and follow this link for the fan fic version.

Kevin still carried the keys to the Court, so he was the one to lead the hockey players inside and hand them some spare equipment. Each Exy player had at least four spare sets but most of Eric’s team were either Matt’s or Kevin’s size, so they used their equipment.

Eric borrowed Matt’s uniform and gear, and Kevin watched the two from afar as they talked, raising an eyebrow as they seemed to be suspiciously getting along.

This was still a bit surreal for both teams, but so far so good. No fights broke out and, if anything, the Foxes of each team were probably starting to realize that all along, they had been contributing to a useless and pointless feud.

“Mind giving me a hand?” Eric asked Kevin, holding out the pads. Kevin raised an eyebrow as he strapped on his own knee pads and then stood up from the bench. He grabbed the ones Eric was holding out for him and helped him with them, even if he knew that the other had no need of his help.

Eric smiled at Kevin, and even if he got no smile in return, he was still satisfied with whatever intimacy the two shared.

“Here,” Kevin said and handed a spare racquet to Eric, who held it carefully in his hand and examined it. Kevin could tell that it probably felt a lot different to a hockey stick, but Eric did not hesitate.

“Ready?” Nate asked his captain, who spared a glance at his boyfriend before turning and following Matt out on the court.

Explaining the rules of the game to the hockey team was a long and vigorous process. Eventually, they all decided that they would have to learn by actually playing, and got their positions on the court.

Kevin glanced at Eric but couldn’t really read his expression through the grated front of the helmet. He could imagine, however, the other grinning like an idiot. Kevin hadn’t realized he was smiling at the thought of it.

Dan started them off and, if Kevin had been a patient person who played Exy for fun, he would have laughed at the other team’s incompetence. Instead, he didn’t hesitate to run them to the ground, perhaps as pay back for the embarrassment he had felt during his first time on ice.

Despite scoring several times, Eric eventually started catching up. He was an amazing goaltender when it came to Ice Hockey, and as time went by, it started showing on the Exy court as well.

The first time he caught the ball and stopped Kevin from scoring, Kevin halted and stared at him. This time, he could definitely tell the other was grinning. It immediately made his blood start boiling, in a familiar rush of stubborn determination to wipe it off.

The next time Kevin came for Eric, he fired at the goal with everything he had in him. However, the striker knew nothing about how Eric worked as a goaltender, unlike with his usual opponents. So, he had no idea the other was going to easily predict his move and catch the ball. Again.

“Come on Day, is that the best you can do?” Eric called. Kevin was not sure if he could tolerate someone who had no idea about Exy mocking him in such way, no matter who that was.

What started as a friendly game evolved in something else, at least for Kevin. The court was supposed to be his domain, and he wouldn’t stand for anyone proving him otherwise.

The hockey players knew how to tackle, that was for sure. Nate was close to pinning Kevin against the plexiglass, but Matt drove him off of Kevin so he could run for the goal.

He scored this time, and the friendly game ended with the Exy team having gathered more points, as predicted. Kevin was still sour though, as petty as that was. He tugged the helmet off and shoved his armored gloves in it, stepping off court.

“Damn, that went better than expected,” Nicky said with a laugh. “For a moment there, I though you might have a chance to beat us at our own game.”

Kevin sent a glare his way but Caleb laughed and patted Nicky’s shoulder in an unexpectedly friendly manner.

“Give us a bit more time and we will run you to the ground,” he said with confidence that had Kevin scoffing as he headed to the locker room. Eric followed behind and leaned in close to his ear.

“Someone is sour, even for a winner,” he said and Kevin turned to glance at him, before opening his locker and starting to shove his gear inside.

“I have nothing to be sour about when playing with someone who has no idea about the game.”

The sounds of the Foxes moving around and changing while talking amongst themselves occupied the silence between them as they got changed. It was uncharacteristic of Eric to not rebuke, but Kevin took that as a win.

Both teams filed out of the locker room but before he could follow, Kevin found himself trapped between Eric’s arms, the other’s hands pressed on the now closed lockers.

Kevin didn’t move, still facing away from him. “Is there anything you need, Jiang?” He asked, sounding smug only until he felt the other’s breath on his neck. It made Kevin shiver whole, to the point he clenched his hand again and pressed it against the locker.

“It’s kinda hot when you get all angry. But at the same time, it makes me remember why I used to want to punch you in the face,” he whispered into Kevin’s ear. Kevin closed his eyes, forcing himself to keep up the façade with a scoff.

“Did you ever really forget?” He asked. Eric laughed, and the vibrations of it against Kevin’s skin made the striker shudder yet again.

“I suppose that on the rare moments you are being affectionate, I might forget about it. But you are making it harder right now,” Eric mumbled in a soft tone. Kevin had to roll his eyes at the pun that would make Nicky very proud.

He finally turned around to look at him, their faces merely inches apart. The way his heart was pounding reminded him of older times, when the adrenaline of the fight would take over them both until they were at each other’s throats.

“You are so fucking annoying,” he whispered against Eric’s lips and closed his eyes, his hands moving to grip the hem of the other’s shirt and pull him closer.

Eric laughed again, but it was low and taunting.

“Mhm, I like you too,” he said and then pressed his lips hard against Kevin’s, pinning him back against the lockers. Kevin grunted against his lips and pressed him closer on his own body by the waist, until there was no space between them.

Kevin had once thought that he needed no distractions from Exy. Physical relationships, like the one he had developed with Thea, were the only ones he would allow himself to have. Not only that, but there had never been someone willing to try and break through the walls he had built around himself.

Somehow, it now made sense that someone as stubborn and caring like Eric would be the one to achieve that. Kevin felt as if he was genuinely happy for the first time in his life. Not necessarily just because he’d found someone who understood and was willing to be there for him, but also because finding himself in such an unfamiliar situation had tested his limits and had also tested him as a person.

“Shall we get the hell out of here?” Eric muttered as they finally pulled apart. Kevin chased after his lips for a moment until he realized what he was doing and stopped himself.

“Yes. Let’s go,” he whispered and reached to hold Eric’s hand.

He intertwined their fingers and held onto his hand, not looking back at the Foxhole Court as they left together.

[twittletee]

I don't know what possessed me to redownload the Tumblr app after like.. 6 years lol but here we are. Reading my previous posts from when I was 16-18 makes me sad for so many reasons, one being that it sucks how little has changed for me in regards to my mindset and self worth but another being how disappointed that hopeful kid would be now. I have dug myself into a rut and I don't know if I'll ever get out of it.

This is going to be long, because I doubt anyone will really see it so it's going to be like a diary entry and hopefully therapeutic for me in a way.

I had so many break downs after graduating high school, from moving away, realizing I had no idea what I was doing with my life, but again and again it comes back to how much I hate myself. I was so insanely obsessed with calories and exercising, I felt so much guilt. There was a time in uni when I finally reached my "goal" but I had no clue that I had because I still hated myself so how could I have achieved anything? Soon after is when it hit me that I will not be happy at ANY size because it's not about my weight, it's about my self perception. I can't see myself for what I really am.

That's when I decided things had to change and I have fought for years to break myself of calorie counting, obsessive binge and restrict cycles, and instead focus on doing things that are healthy that I actually like, like getting into weight lifting. Last year I started seeing a therapist and finally stopped weighing myself and calorie counting completely. We worked so hard honestly.

But even though I stopped weighing myself, it didn't mean I couldn't see the weight I was gaining in the mirror. The last time I weighed myself I was 190lbs and I know that I've gained weight since then. If I were to step on a scale right now I think it would literally destroy me, I'm teetering on the edge with my mental health lately and it's already so hard to get up in the morning and work despite it, but that might be the thing that causes a full breakdown.

So I don't want to weigh myself, but realistically - I can't do things I used to, I'm tired all the time, I'm winded going up the stairs, none of my clothes fit, I hate seeing people or leaving the house, and most importantly I don't feel like myself anymore. I'm just going about my life but not actually .. doing anything. And I'm so scared, because I know I need to lose weight. But I CAN'T fall into old habits again either, not when I've come so far, but I don't know how to lose weight in a purposeful but not obsessive way. What I do know is that I feel like I'm losing myself a little more each day and it gets harder to crawl back up out of this pit I feel like is surrounding me. SO I need to do something, but I don't know how.

I've started lightly counting calories again, but trying to aim for a minimum amount (1600) rather than setting a goal for as low as possible. And I did up an exercise schedule so that I have a routine to follow, trying to pick workouts that I love so it feels less like a punishment (because it isn't, I love exercising because it makes me feel good!). I'm trying to reframe this as weight loss because I love myself and not weight loss because I'm disgusting and worthless - I don't want to lose myself any further but I don't want to slip back into negative thought patterns either.

Anyway, I guess certain things never change haha but this time around I'm doing this to stay afloat rather than to drown. Also if you did read all of this, thanks for sticking around lol but I wouldn't expect regular updates from me, I just really needed somewhere to vent.

[writing-with-olive]

Shelving a WIP

(Alt title: I just shelved a WIP I've been working on for almost three years, and I learned some valuable things from the process so ima share them).

Disclaimer that I'm a writer that works on pretty much one WIP at any given time, and if it's two, one of the WIPs are going to be in the brainstorming/worldbuilding stages at a maximum. The things I've learned are from that perspective, and there might be aspects that are different if you have multiple WIPs, some of them more dormant than others.

1 - It's gonna be okay.

I'm starting out with this one because I've always found it terrifying when I see other people shelving their work, because if the people who have experience are doing it, I might do this, and how could I ever give up on this book baby I'm putting so much time and effort and love into? And yeah. That's scary. But once you've outgrown a work, sometimes the best thing you can do is to move onto new things. It doesn't negate all the hard work you've put in, and it certainly doesn't make you a faker. Remember - almost everyone who's established themselves as an author has shelved works, and they've still made it.

(how to shelve a project, and more detailed stuff below the cut)

2 - How to know when it's time to shelve a WIP

This can vary a lot, but there's three major reasons that have occurred with the works I've shelved (three, all of which I'd worked on for at least six months, many more that had shorter life spans).

The first is a lack of interest. If working on a WIP starts to consistently feel like a chore, and I'm having a harder and harder time feeling for the characters and the world, something's not right. Sometimes this can come from burnout from other aspects of life, but sometimes it's just that I lost passion in the work. Writing's supposed to be fun, and once it's not, it's time to figure out what's up, and sometimes that means trying something new.

Another reason is just outgrowing a work. As I'm writing, the concepts and the story start to feel more juvenile. Some of this can be fixed with editing, but some of it’s baked into the bones of the story. Working it out would mean completely changing the story. Eventually continuing a work feels like being trapped in a younger version of yourself rather than pushing forward.

The final reason (and it can be kinda devastating so I have a section on this farther down) is the realization that a story is not going to help you achieve your writing goals, or worse, will even hinder them. This one won't be as applicable to everyone as the other two as everyone's writing goals vary, but if your goal is to eventually get published/make a job as an author, you may be confronted with this.

3 - How to shelve a work if you've lost interest or outgrown it

The thing about both of these scenarios is that it's a slow progression. If you've identified that you're declining in your attachment to it, you're probably approaching the ability to set it aside and move onto other projects.

One of the first steps is evaluate what is making you stick with it. If you haven't yet shelved it, there's bound to be a reason. Sometimes it's one that holds a lot of merit, and may constitute just taking a break, or in some cases pushing through. Other times, it's not really a great reason, and coming to terms with that is an emotional step to put the work aside.

If you can't bring yourself to move on because it feels like quitting, even though it feels like it's the best decision, find a goal to work toward. That goal will be something much smaller than publishing the work, but it will still help give a sense of completeness. For example, finishing the draft, or even just the act you're on. Sometimes, seeing an end point can be detaching enough that you just... shelve it. Other times, you get to the end point, and decide: is this the end for the WIP, or have I regained enough interest that I actually want to go farther? Both are equally good decisions.

I have found that it's often like a sudden decision that comes after a long period of questioning. I might go for weeks thinking should I or should I not? Over and over and over. Then one day, I just decide to stop working on it, and that's that. It's just the moment when the last of my active emotional attachment finally dissolves.

4 - How to shelve a work when you realize it's not going to help you achieve your goals

This was the situation I was in when I shelved my no-longer-current WIP, which I intended to traditionally publish. It was a sort of assassin-y story and there were elements of it that were loosely based off of Natasha Romanoff's story (Marvel), though not enough by any stretch that it could be considered fanfic. Then the Black Widow movie came out, and apparently Marvel had the exact same idea I had, and suddenly, it looked like my story was a huge rip-off of that one. As it was, huge swaths of the story overlapped. All of this meant that not only was publishing my WIP a long shot because it was a YA sci-fi, but also it was competing with the mega-company that is Marvel/Disney. The chances of even getting an agent plummeted, and then there was the fact that if I did get one, and I got published, I would be basically throwing away my debut because of diminishing returns, and because anyone who read my book would also be in the target audience for Marvel, and would almost certainly see the similarities and write my story off for a rip-off. Not a great situation to be in.

So the first thing to do? Give yourself permission to feel all the big emotions that come with this kind of heartbreak. It hurts really bad, and it's okay to experience that.

Next thing. Evaluate. Is this it for the story, or is there anything else you can do with it? I can't publish it as a book, but there's nothing stopping me from posting it online and still sharing it with people.

Figure out what the end point is going to be. It could be finishing the story even though it doesn't accomplish what you originally set out to do (though this is something to do if it will genuinely bring you joy, not because you feel like it's something you owe). It could be doing something like the other scenario and finding a more artificial "finish point" to still get a sense of closure and accomplishment from the WIP.

5 - The freedom that comes from shelving a work

The obvious thing is that if you weren't enjoying what you weren't enjoying what you were writing before, you're done!

Shelving a work is an open space to work on whatever you want. Whatever makes you happy, you can do it. The starting stages of a WIP are always the most exhilarating, and this is where we all return whenever we pick up a new project.

Another thing. No matter what, you've learned something new over the course of your last project. Maybe it was a ton (that was the case for me - I am a completely different writer than I was before I started it), maybe it was one aspect of character or structure or voice. But you get to go into your next project with that new knowledge.

[hatsukeii]

i havent seen anything for assassination classroom, so how about some headcanons for karma finding out he has a crush on the reader + if he'd confess how he'd pull it off?

sajdfhasd I’m so sorry I left this here for so long!! 

Assassination classroom has joined the server, glhf!

❗️Karma Akabane❗️

✨Crushing✨

- Yeah no.

- He was trying SO HARD NOT TO ADMIT HIS FEELINGS TO HIMSELF.

- Karma Akabane does NOT have time to fall in love.

- He thinks.

- But like goddammit you were just so fucking amazing.

- Never would he have thought someone like you existed.

- And it wasn’t like you were some martial arts god or some genius savant student or anything like that.

- You were just you.

- Average, Bs and sometimes As, will punch people once in a while, yeah about that.

- Yet there was something that intrigued him.

- Maybe it was the way you laughed at all his jokes.

- Or how you broke up his fights.

- But with time, Karma definitely developed some form of interest in you.

- It took MONTHS for the guys in the class to succeed in explaining what “feelings” were.

- And even then, he was in denial.

- “No wayyyy I don’t like her. I don’t like anyone.”

- “Bullshit Karma.”

- Well let’s just say he got way less violent during his infatuation period.

- He rarely picked fights, was constantly dreamy, would stare at you from time to time.

- And after all that, he finally admits it.

- He likes you.

- But he’s a biiiit of a sociopath.

- Doesn’t know how to handle complex emotions like this.

- He’s happy to see you scared you hate him flustered because of you but sad because you probably dislike him.

- Mix of emotions? What’s that and how do I deal with it?

- He deals with it by coming up with the best confession ever known to mankind.

✨Confession✨

- Okay so in order for this to work, Karma had to bite back his pride and eventually tell all his friends about his situation.

- Let’s just say they responded enthusiastically.

- “Waaaa, Karma-kun finally making a move!” - Nagisa

- “Hell yes boi, go get your lady~” - Hiroto

- “Glad to see you’re finally dealing with your feelings.” - Isogai

- So what Karma did, was he got the entire class in on this confession.

- Yes, even Irina and ESPECIALLY Korosensei.

- If he’s gonna confess to someone, he’s gonna make it clear that he doesn’t want ANYONE laying those googly eyes on her.

- So during parkour training, they made this plan.

- Since this time was a special training involving a whole ass confession, Korosensei decided to change up the rules.

- Students would have a memo that they customise on their own.

- Their goal is to stick it on someone’s back while Karasuma chases them.

- Whoever gets a memo on their back loses and is eliminated.

- While Karasuma started chasing, the rest of the students and the two teachers were talking via these little headphone things that Korosensei built.

- Two students would constantly be by your side.

- Whenever they see Karasuma coming, they would divert his attention and make him chase them instead.

- Seeing that, Korosensei would tell students your location and send in two others to guard you.

- Eventually, almost everyone got tagged by Karasuma.

- Except for you, and Karma.

- And NO this is not my way of ‘tWiSTiNG THe EvEnt” so the confession is easier oh nonononono.

- You wanna know how you managed to not get tagged? 

- You had to climb to the top of a random tree.

- Couldn’t blame you, you were out of stamina and dehydrated as fuuuuuu-

- But Karma got the information via the headphones.

- With Karasuma chasing him, climbing up that tree would not be easy.

- But boy he is determined to do this thing.

- He will climb any goddamn tree to do this.

- So you hear leaves rustling and BAM-

- Out jumps a wild Karma Akabane, memo sticker ready in hand. 

- Out of fear and shock, you slam your memo right into his chest when he sticks his onto your back.

- Then Karasuma catches him.

- “You brat, do you know how long it took me to climb up this stupid ass tree? I get tired too you know.” - Karasuma

- It isn’t until the two of you get down, does Karasuma see the memo on your back.

- He’s confused but just chooses to ignore it.

- Young love you know.

- The two of you are arguing over who won.

- “No way it wasn’t me, I literally screamed and shoved it into your chest.”

- “Oh so what? The game was to stick it on someone’s BACK, not CHEST.”

- The three of you set foot on the ground to see the entire class standing there, almost expectantly.

- “Huh? Why are you all staring at us?”

- Everyone’s just smirking at you with no context.

- Until Karasuma picks the memo off your back and starts questioning.

- “Why is this memo the shape of a heart?” - Karasuma, denser than a neutron star

- “Huh?” - You, probably, and maybe some other people in the class

- You snatch the memo, and read it out loud, expecting it to be some dumb joke or witty comeback.

- “Go out with me? Please? Pretty please with a cherry on top? Because I’m into you? Like very, very into you?”

- “HAH? FOR REAL?”

- Yes, Karma is blushing, very hard.

- Like even harder than when Korosensei was making fun of him for his bad maths scores.

- “Just say yes or no, I can’t wait any longer.”

- “Hell yes, what’s the date? And why didn’t you tell me about this? Do you know how hard it is NOT knowing how your crush thinks about you? I swear to God you’re gonna give me a heart attack someday-”

- “Just shut up and kiss me.”

- And you do just that.

- Koromama took so many photos don’t even-

Ahhh I hope this satisfies your request!! <333

[winterhawk-olympic-bang]

How To Edit Your Writing

Guest Poster: Chronicwhimsy

Here is our final Writer Workshop post, written by Chronicwhimsy. Have a read and then head over to the Discord Server where we have a channel for you to take part in a discussion based on the post, with chances to share your own ideas too.

Editing: a drive-by guide

Hi, my name is Claire, and I’m an editor.

(Hi Claire)

I’ve been asked to give a quick guide on tips for editing your stories, as I’ve been a beta/editor for various fanfic writers over the years. I’m a professional editor, working for a publishing house in the UK, and I offer independent freelance editing too, via my website. I’ll be on the Discord server answering questions this evening, but I’m also happy to chat to people either through my website or even if you wanted to drop me a line on tumblr.

The key thing to remember about editing is that the end goal is to make your story the best it can be, and make sure your initial idea comes across as clearly and purely as you first imagined it. It’s about ensuring that the lines of communication between you and your reader are 100% open.

To do that, you need to have finished your story, because you can’t fix something that doesn’t exist.

Then you edit.

What now?

So, you’ve finished your Winterhawk Olympic Bang Fic, and you’re wondering what to do next?

The very first, and most important thing you should do? Celebrate. I mean congratulate the hell out of yourself, pat yourself on the back, and have some cake. Finishing stories is hard. Getting through a first draft is one of the trickiest parts of writing, so you should be proud of yourself, and proud of your story.

Because in a short while, editing is going to make you hate both.

I mean that in the nicest possible way of course, but you absolutely are going to be thoroughly sick of this whole thing by the time you’re done, and you’re going to question everything you’ve ever written. You’re going to get a close-up view of all your narrative bad habits which will make you think you’ve never had any skill at all, and you’re going to re-read your work so many times that it’ll feel trite, old, uninspired. This is normal and it is your brain lying to you. If you remember nothing else, remember that!

“The writing itself is no big deal. The editing, and even more than that, the self-doubt, is excruciatingly impossible.” Jonathan Safran Foer

Don’t lose faith! Editors and editing exist for a reason, no first draft is perfect. You’ve done something amazing in finishing, and now you’re going to make it incredible.

Before You Start - Take a Break

You know the phrase “can’t see the wood for the trees”? It could just as easily be “can’t see the story for the words.” It’s never recommended to go straight into editing as soon as you finish writing, and part of the reason for that is because you’re too deep in the story to be able to assess it objectively, or to catch things that are missed out because you know they’re there, but the reader wouldn’t.

“Once it's done, put it away until you can read it with new eyes. When you're ready, pick it up and read it, as if you've never read it before.” Neil Gaiman

Most writers and editors advocate putting a story away for a month or so before returning to edit, so you’re looking at it with fresh eyes. Obviously, with a Big Bang (or other fic event) this sort of time is usually at a premium! Try and make as much space as you can while still leaving yourself time to edit.

If you really don’t have any time, one trick that can help is changing your location. If you write in your room, can you relocate to your kitchen? Or a café (if you can safely)? Could you print it out? (Printing Top Tip: if you do print it, try and do it double-spaced - this makes it easier on the eyes, and gives you room to make notes. Also, serif fonts can often be easier to read than sans serif fonts, as it gives stronger distinctions between different letters.)

The Filter System

I like to think of the editing process as a series of different filters which, when used one after the other, produce a finely-sieved finished product. Each filter stage has slightly smaller holes than the one before it, as you look increasingly closely at your work.

Filter 1: Structural editing

Does the story make sense? Is the pace okay? Do all the scenes work where they are, or would they be better elsewhere? Do some scenes need to be there at all? Is the characterisation consistent? Does anyone change names halfway through? Did you forget what time of year it was set halfway through?

Filter 2: Line editing

Is this phrase as tight as it could be? Have you repeated yourself anywhere? Does this sentence add anything or does it throw the pace off? Have you gone overboard with adjectives and similes? Have you been too sparse with them?

Filter 3: Copy editing

Is your style consistent? Did you start writing in present tense and switch to past tense? Could this scene transition be snappier? Are there any bits that you want to tidy up? Have you left any half-finished sentences because you got distracted before you could end it?

Filter 4: Proofreading

Is everything spelled correctly? Have you caught all the strange grammar mistakes?

Some of these things might be picked up by your beta reader if you have one. Different beta readers have different styles, and also they will work based on their relationship with you and what you prefer. Some may stick to proofreading and consistency-checking, others may be more confident to dive right in and look at structure, pacing and characterisation. Some may work through the process with you as you write, others may only look at the story when it’s complete so they can get a full overview. There is no right or wrong answer, and having a conversation with your beta about your respective styles at the start can help you work better together!

Filter 1 - Structural Editing

For this stage, you want to read your whole story through from start to finish, and resist the urge to tweak anything to begin with! You will want a way of making notes as you go through because as you do, you’ll make yourself a cheat-sheet to help you with your line edit. Things to keep track of:

Character name spellings

Character ages

Character relationships (drawing a relationship web can be very helpful to visualise this!)

The time span of the story - the date it starts, the date it ends.

As a subset of this, I find it can be very helpful to set up a spreadsheet with a timeline of what happens in the story, and who is involved. Doing this both chronologically for the characters and in order of how it happens in the story can help you keep track of what characters know when, and also when the readers find out certain information. You might have one of these from when you were planning your story (as detailed in Sara Holmes’ workshop). If you’ve kept it up to date with changes to the plot and structure as you’ve written, this will be super helpful.

At this stage, you’re looking to see if everything works as a consistent story. You want to check to see if it feels like it’s the right pace, or if there are bits where it drags or rushes through the action. Why is this? Are there scenes which aren’t adding anything to the progress? Could they just be referred to in passing, or removed entirely without impacting the story? Are there other scenes which need to be added to provide more detail and growth? Is there anything that you as a writer know that is essential to the story, but you forgot to actually put in the text?

“Crafty writers...don't allow Exposition to form Lumps. They break up the information, grind it fine, and make it into bricks to build the story with.” Ursula K. Le Guin

You’re also looking to see if the characters feel true to themselves all the way through. Do the relationships spark? Do they sound like themselves? Can you hear them in your head?

Some people recommend doing several structural edits, with a different focus each time. One pass to look at the pacing, one pass to look at the characters, one to look at the story arc. You’ll work out what floats your boat, but you will be re-reading this story a lot of times before you’re done editing - which is why it’s very important to write what you love and want to read! You’ll go through many stages of hating this story before you let it go, and that will be even harder if it wasn’t something you enjoyed in the first place.

Filter 2 - Line Editing

So you remember I told you to make all those notes during your structural edit? Here’s where you’re going to use them. Now’s the time to go through your story line by line and check that the details in your cheat sheet are correct all the way through the story. I’ve written a novel that I initially set in November, but by the time I finished it, I’d decided it was taking place in early May. I had to go back and fix all the dates and weather descriptions to make sure the action hadn’t actually been yeeted forward six months spontaneously in the middle of a conversation.

Arguably, the line edit will be the most painful part of editing. At this stage, you will be taking a fine-tooth comb to everything you have written, examining it to within an inch of its life, and casting judgement. You’re going to find every stylistic tic you have (for me, everyone is constantly quirking their eyebrows and smirking like they’ve got cramp in their facial muscles), and you’re going to get rid of them (a person only has so many eyebrows, and they can only quirk so far). Now is the time to kill your darlings - don’t hang on to anything unless you feel it’s really doing a job to further the story and the characters.

“Kill your darlings, kill your darlings, even when it breaks your egocentric little scribbler's heart, kill your darlings.” Stephen King

If you have ever worried about the unbearable sensation of being Known, the line edit is where you will experience that with every word, and you’ll be doing it to yourself. This is when the doubts will really start to creep in and you will maybe feel like everything you write is unoriginal, derivative trash and unfit for human eyes.

Here I’ll reiterate what I said above:

This is a normal feeling, everyone experiences it when editing. E V E R Y O N E.

It’s a lie. No-one else will ever read your story in this state, no-one else will ever read your story this closely. Of course it feels obvious and uninspired to you - you wrote it. It’s your idea, and you’ve read it several times, it holds no surprises for you. (I may be projecting my feelings from every time I’ve edited something here, but…)

You’ll also be catching any ELEPHANTS or whatever your mammal of choice for placeholder text is that you’ve stationed throughout the story as a flag for you to come back and add in a name, or a food, or a song title later. You know, the things you decided were a problem for Future!You. I have bad news, the future is now.

Top Tip: if you have changed someone’s name halfway through, DON’T for the love of Mike, just do a straight find and replace to correct it. Because that’s when you suddenly find out how many other words actually contain names (Mark became Bill? That’s great, until your characters are going to the superBillet to buy groceries). Some word processing programmes have a “whole word” option which is your friend, otherwise ensure to put spaces either side of the word when you search. If you don’t, you’ve just made another horrible job for yourself...

Filter 3 - Copy Editing

Once you’ve made it out the other side of the Line Edit (and given yourself a nice treat to congratulate yourself because that stage is HARD), we get onto copy editing. This is basically the set-dressing stage. You’ve built the house, you’ve decorated the room, and now you’re just making sure every bit of furniture is in the right place for optimal feng shui.

Here’s where you go through and go, do I really need a dash here, or could I just use a comma? Could I use fewer commas? Could I go in and move all of @kangofu_cb’s commas around because I’m the sort of person who will come into your house and change how you hang your toilet paper or where you keep your ketchup.

Now is the time to be as picky as possible, like you’re an interior designer for the most demanding client in the world and the ornament must be exactly equidistant from both ends of the mantlepiece and facing precisely south-west. Things that may have just survived your line edit will be measured again, and if they’re found wanting, then they get binned.

“Substitute ‘damn’ every time you’re inclined to write ‘very’; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.” Mark Twain

Another thing you might like to do here is check that all your features and things are correct. Did you make a wild claim about the lifecycle of salamanders, or the average price of corn and then never go back to verify this? Take a second to just do that now. It may be that you decide it’s not a problem (I received one copy edit note saying that an idiom used in a book wasn’t recorded until 200 years later, and I made the editorial decision that no-one would care), but for bigger things you may want to make sure you’re accurate.

If you google it (as I just did, to make sure I was definitely giving you the right information), copy editing is often conflated with line editing, and that’s because in reality a lot of the elements of copy editing actually wouldn’t usually be done by the author, and are probably irrelevant to fanfic. The copy editor is responsible for ensuring the book has a consistent grammatical style in line with the preferences of the publisher (em-dash or en-dash, curly quote marks or straight ones, how you deal with acronyms, what needs to be italicised, etc. etc.), which isn’t necessarily required for fanfic. In reality, for fanfic I’d use this stage as a second, lighter line-edit to see where things can be tightened up in phrasing, as well as perhaps a preliminary proofread where you start to mark up any spelling errors.

Filter 4 - Proofreading

By this stage, you’ll be exhausted, and sick to death of the blasted thing. But the end is in sight! Now you’re onto the proofread. This is another close read, where you go through and check for spelling errors, typos, missing full stops, strange formatting stuff (which probably will be less of an issue as AO3 basically makes everything uniform anyway).

Before you even start this, change your font.

We’ve all been there, thought we’d caught every spelling error, every weird typo, only to spot six immediately after posting. That’s because after a certain point our brain becomes used to the font we’ve written in, and will automatically correct things that aren’t right. AO3 has its own unique formatting - colour, spacing, font - and the minute your fic appears on there in this new format you brain wakes up and is like “oh shit, yeah, that’s not how it should be.”

By changing the font before you proofread, you preempt this step.

Another thing to remember: it’s unlikely you will ever catch every mistake. Published books regularly go out with a smattering of typographical errors throughout the text - how many first editions of books are valuable because of misspellings that slipped through the net? You’re only human.

“Connie's other job was proof-editing which she did very badly. Transferring the author's corrections to a clean sheet of proofs was something Connie was unable to do without missing an average of three corrections a page, or transcribing newly inserted material all wrong... she put angry authors' letters about the mutilation of their books under the cushion of her chair to deal with later.” Muriel Spark, A Far Cry from Kensington

Often, spelling errors and things you would look for in a proofread are things that a beta reader will pick up as they go, as they’re the easiest things to spot, but it’s also worth looking over yourself for anything your beta might have missed.

Whether you decide to follow any or all of these steps, always do the proofread last.There is no point carefully spellchecking a chapter you are then going to delete, or proofreading the whole thing, but adding loads of new paragraphs later that either don’t get looked at or mean you end up having to proofread twice. That’s the only hard and fast rule when it comes to editing, and it will save you a lot of unnecessary work!

FREEDOM

And then, finally, unbelievably - you’re done. Your literary child is ready to leave the nest. Resist the urge to keep re-reading and tweaking. Instead, click “publish” and give yourself a nice little treat. You’ve earned it.

Miscellany and Disclaimers

These editing stages are ones that would be applied to a published novel. An author would probably do this several times - once on their own to get it ready for submission, then perhaps again with their agent, but the really heavy work would be done with their editor. The structural edit would be done under the advice of an agent or editor where the author looks at their comments, rejigs things accordingly, and lather, rinse, repeat until everyone’s happy. The editor would undertake the line edit, and the author would decide what they wanted to keep or change. The copy edit and proofread would be done in-house or sent to freelancers, with queries and changes wafted past the author for clarification or approval.

Self-published authors will often hire freelancers to help at various stages to get feedback and advice.

Very rarely would an author go from draft to final published piece by doing all their editing alone. Because it’s hard fucking work, and because your brain will get exhausted.

In light of that, you need to remember:

You’ve written a fanfic

The editorial standards of fanfic are significantly less stringent than published books

Editing by yourself is really hard work that many people are often paid to do for published books

No-one is paying you for your fanfic

Fanfic is supposed to be fun

Some published authors will edit and rewrite and edit and rewrite again and again. At a panel I attended, Joanne Harris said that if she didn’t rewrite her work at least five times she was being too easy on herself, while Joe Hill said he usually aimed for three rewrites - Joe edited as he went along, going over the previous day’s pages before continuing, where Joanne completed her manuscripts before editing. Elizabeth May has talked about her stages of drafting, starting with her Trash Draft, then her Clean Draft, and then rewriting and editing after that.

These are people who are writing professionally, getting paid for their work, and so the time they put in has monetary results. If you want to write original fiction, their advice is extremely valuable.

For fanfiction, it’s a large time investment for something you’re doing as a hobby for free. If I’m strictly honest, I’m fairly lax with my fanfiction editing. I do structural discussions and tweaks with my beta reader as I write, and then a spell check. I’m also aware that my fanfics aren’t narratively complex, nor do they seem as polished, rich and deep as some of the other works out there. That’s fine by me. You simply need to find the level you’re happy at, where you can still feel proud of your work but you’re enjoying the experience.

In the end - it’s all for fun!

Resources:

Online

Curtis Brown Creative: An Editor’s Guide to Editing Your Novel

Joanne Harris: Ten Tweets About Editing

Joanne Harris: Writing Resources

NerdsLikeMe: Beta Reading vs Proofreading vs Editing

Books

Stephen King - On Writing: A Memoir of the Craft

Ursula K. Le Guin - Steering the Craft: Exercises and Discussions on Story Writing for the Lone Navigator or the Mutinous Crew

[strawberryastrohealing]

Elements lacking in your chart

The weakest elements in your natal chart indicates what you may need to work on or what may not come as naturally. As a result, these may be the elements you are most attracted to in friends or lovers.       

Keep in mind the points below aren’t set in stone, our birth charts are just starting pillars and you can grow and change into anything you want to be. 

In fact, if your environment growing up just naturally pushed you out of your comfort zone, and you got to develop other elements here, many of the points listed below may not apply. 

I like to think of Aang in Avatar the Last Airbender, he starts off only being exposed to the air temple and way of living, then learns and grows throughout the series, learning the lessons from all the other elements.  

Lack of Earth

What you may need to work on: 

🌻 Creating and sticking to routines, deadlines, time, being loyal to friends/family, being grounded, burning the midnight oil, being practical and realistic 

What can help:  

🌻 Keeping a planner, being organized 

🌻 Spending lots of time in nature

🌻 Root chakra meditations

🌻 Earthing (walking barefoot in nature) 

Lack of Water 

What you may need to work on: 

🌊 Showing empathy, compassion, consideration and awareness of other’s feelings

🌊 Developing intimate, close, and deep bonds. 

🌊 You may struggle to express, process and release your emotions, allowing them to become dry and stagnant. 

What can help: 

🌊 Spending time by the ocean or by a waterfall/ swimming, with others who have prominent water in their charts 

🌊 Use a journal/ breathwork/ meditation, anything that works for you to explore the depths of your emotions and release them healthily if needed

🌊 Work on forming deeper and closer bonds with others, be considerate of and ask about how your friends or loved ones are feeling, listen empathically and without judgement 

Lack of Fire 

What you may need to work on: 

🔥 Fire in the natal chart is like a warm candle, invigorating our dreams and lives with enthusiasm, excitement, zest, and passion. 

🔥 Lack of fire in the natal chart may manifest as boredom, pessimism, apathy, feeling unmotivated, sadness, lack of passion for career/ hobbies. May be overly passive and unenthusiastic about new possibilities or opportunities. 

🔥 A tendency to simply go through the motions of life, without any real excitement or enjoyment.       

🔥 Like you could be extremely hard working and successful, but you may not develop passion or excitement in the process. It may take a lot for you to become excited about anything. 

What can help: 

🔥 Sacral chakra meditations. 

🔥 Candle gazing meditations 

🔥 Take some time out of your day to just have fun and enjoy yourself getting excited about all the awesome things life has to offer. I really recommend putting on some fun and exiting music and just getting yourself pumped and being your own cheerleader. 

🔥 Next time you make an awesome achievement or reach a career milestone, don’t just shrug it off - have a mini dance party in your room, jump up and down, or go out and celebrate with some friends (bonus points if they are fire sign friends and can hype you up even more lol). 

🔥 To help with motivation - visualise what you can achieve and how good and confident you’ll feel if you achieve those goals you are working towards - and put on some Beyoncé music while you’re doing it, or just any music that makes you feel excited, motivated, and confident. 

Lack of Air 

Air in the natal chart is what makes building social connections, intellect, and communication easy breezy. 

Lacking air in the natal chart may mean these areas need a little more work. 

You may feel isolated, miss out on making important connections, and face challenges in exchanging ideas and knowledge with others. You thinking process may be slower, inflexible or you may find it harder to process new ideas. 

What you may need to work on:

☁️ Building social connections 

☁️ Get more comfortable meeting new people and learning new ideas or ways of thinking, living 

☁️ Mental swiftness 

☁️ May struggle to detach yourself from situations and conversations, especially if you have a lot of fire, your ego may resist different perceptions or ideas 

☁️ Gaining clarity on your own ideas and thoughts, self reflection 

What can help: 

☁️ Getting out there and socializing more - joining a new club or striking up a conversation with a new person in your class, or on the train 

☁️ Get excited, interested and seek others opinions and ideas, and learn to detach from them a little - you don’t necessarily have to agree with them completely, but broaden your horizons and accept new ways of thinking! 

☁️ Develop mental swiftness and agility, get curious about all the awesome things you can learn - play chess, read more, play brain teasers 

☁️ Go cloud gazing, or watch birds fly freely in the air 

☁️ Develop your skills with technology - if you don’t already, if you’re comfortable even getting more active on social media, or getting the latest interesting technological gadgets  

[bisexual-dragon-larryisreal]

Sun transits in the houses☀️

Transit Sun in the 1st House

With the transit Sun in your 1st house, your focus is on you. You can work on your appearance, make changes in the way you behave with others, and need to express yourself in some way. You want attention more than usual, wanting to be in the spotlight. It’s a good time to start something new in your life, especially going down a new path. You’re more independent, but also self-centered, but that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You need to focus on yourself every once in a while. You’re more confident, bold, and daring, and you’re willing to go out and take what you want without waiting for anyone’s permission or help.

Transit Sun in the 2nd House

With the transit Sun in your 2nd house, your focus is on your material wealth. You may try to work out your finances so you feel as though you have more money, or do some extra work to make more. Having more disposable income makes you feel more secure, as well as having more objects that are of value, so you may purchase something that will be worth more over time. Just make sure you don’t spend too much on it now. You may seem more grounded and practical, and you don’t want to rock the boat. You likely won’t start much new during this time, and instead continue to work on the projects that you’ve already started.

Transit Sun in the 3rd House

With the transit Sun in your 3rd house, your focus is on communicating. Your mind is more active, you have more ideas and thoughts, and you want people to hear what you have to say. You’re more social, so this can be a good time to make connections. You want to stay busy, and can take on many tasks, but usually smaller ones that can be completed quickly. You’ll have trouble with anything long-term because your concentration isn’t great, and you’re a little scatterbrained. You keep your schedule packed, and this can be a good time for some short trips. You may want to learn something new, or are more curious about the way things work.

Transit Sun in the 4th House

With the transit Sun in your 4th house, your focus is on your home and family. You may do something new to your home to spruce it up, buy or sell a home, move, or fix something. You could do more with your family, spending more time with them than working or being social, and can have family outings or get-togethers at home. You want to feel as though you have a solid home base, a place that’s comfortable and where you feel secure, and that you’re connected to your family. You can work on building up your inner foundation and getting in touch with your emotions. It’s also good for planning long-term projects.

Transit Sun in the 5th House

With transit Sun in your 5th house, your focus is on fun. You don’t want to sit around, work, or deal with serious issues. Engage in your favorite hobbies, go out with friends, attend parties, and go on dates. You’re a little more daring and a lot more enthusiastic about life. You seem more friendly and outgoing, and you come across as warm and funny. You want attention, and you can get it. You may be a little more dramatic and theatrical with your behavior, but you’re just living life to the fullest right now, experiencing and enjoying as much as you can, and you want everyone to get in on it with you so you have company.

Transit Sun in the 6th House

With the transit Sun in your 6th house, your focus is on work. It’s not the time for play and silliness. You can get through work projects easily because you’re more focused and pay attention to the details. This is an excellent time for getting done smaller projects, but not the larger ones since you’ll have a harder time dealing with the big picture. You can deal with your day-to-day affairs, the mundane tasks of life that most of us shun, and make improvements to your routine, as well as your health. You’re better at working by yourself but for others rather than starting things up on your own. You can come across as more analytical, distant, and a bit of a perfectionist. You could also deal with or get a pet.

Transit Sun in the 7th House

With the transit Sun in your 7th house, your focus is on other people and your relationships. It’s less about you and more about them. You work better with a partner, and feel better when you’re with someone in a one-on-one setting. You can have a hard time doing anything alone or being in a crowd. You want to make improvements to your relationships and become more committed. You come across as more charming, mediating, and can make compromises happen. You’re also concerned with balance, and try to strike the perfect balance in your life, so if you’ve been spending a lot of time on work, you’ll spend more time playing, and try to balance the scales.

Transit Sun in the 8th House

With the transit Sun in your 8th house, your focus is on transforming some part of your life. You’re not satisfied with leaving things the way that they are, and want to make something better. This could be some aspect of your life, personality, or even a physical object. You spend more time by yourself reflecting on life, and seem more serious, brooding, and emotional. Your emotions can sway between extremes, and you may hold a lot in and be secretive. You’re excellent at researching now, and can dig below the surface of anything to get to the heart of the matter. You can also deal with your joint finances, financial partnerships, debts, loans, taxes, and inheritances.

Transit Sun in the 9th House

With the transit Sun in your 9th house, your focus is on expanding your world. You want to have experiences that open you up to the other ways in which people live, and give you greater perspective. You may spend time with people who are from different countries, cultures, and backgrounds from yourself. This is a good time to learn something new, study philosophy, or go back to school. You identify more with your beliefs, and love to have a lively debate about it with people. You’re more outspoken and willing to voice your opinions. You have an easier time dealing with the big picture, but have a harder time with daily life. You’re more honest, blunt almost, and might stick your foot in your mouth.

Transit Sun in the 10th House

With the transit Sun in your 10th house, your focus is on the direction your life is taking and your goals. You want to take a look at how your life is unfolding and where you’re going in life, and determine whether or not you’re going in the direction that you want to be going in. You want to accomplish a goal, and are more hard-working and sacrificing to get it. You take a more practical approach to life, and have to deal with bosses, parents, mentors, or other elders. You’re recognized for work that you’ve done, and can be praised, or you can be punished if you haven’t been behaving right or smart. It’s a time to be responsible and mature.

Transit Sun in the 11th House

With the transit Sun in your 11th house, your focus is on independence and the future. You want to do things in groups, spend time with friends, and are quite sociable, but you don’t actually need any of them, and don’t want to feel tied down to anyone or anything. You keep yourself somewhat at a distance from people and don’t want to deal with emotional drama. You concentrate more on your future, what your dream future would look like, and what your hopes are. You have a better grasp on what you want your future to be, and can formulate ideas of what your ultimate aspirations are. You’re also more of a humanitarian now, and want to help the world as a whole, so you may get involved in a cause. You’re attracted to the unconventional, and don’t want to be put in a box.

Transit Sun in the 12th House

With the transit Sun in your 12th house, your focus is on your subconscious and letting go. Old issues can come up that you need to face and move on from. This is a good time to get rid of baggage, and clear your life physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually. There’s always something that you can get rid of. You may feel drained, especially around people, and need to spend more time alone to recharge. You don’t want to be in the spotlight, and prefer to stay in the background and not get any attention from people. You may seem more sensitive and emotional, require more rest, and are more intuitive. You’re also more compassionate, and you want to help people who can’t help themselves.

*this is all information I found on the internet while looking on this topic

[jujutsubabe]

Consequential choices

Synopsis: You and Itadori play a dating sim!

Word count: 1.7k

A/n: I love Itadori ❤️ that is all. Thank you.

————

“Nice try. I won’t let a creep like you get the chance!” A girl on the console harrumphed before the choices at the bottom of the screen popped up.

Itadori sat up, squinting at the tv, gripping his controller and flicking between the two options. He wiped his sweaty hands on his pants, looking between the options and you.

You looked up from your phone, “Just pick one, we already messed up her route...”

He flicked his thumb down. “No...I’m gonna win this...”

“But Itadori we have more points with the uh...uhm what’s her name? blonde—“

“Mizuki.”

“Yeah, her! let’s try to go for Mizuki instead!”

He glanced at you before pouting and leaning back onto you. The two of you sat on the couch, him laying right atop of you and craning his neck at an unhealthy degree to see the screen.

He had been playing this dating sim, trying to unlock as many routes as possible before the day ended. So far there were three out of seven unlocked...

It was kind of nice, having Itadori turn around like an expectant puppy, ready to get your opinion on his decisions. He was always a tad too impulsive to win any of the routes. Just skipping the dialogue too quick and immediately misclicking on a bad choice with an annoyed groan.

You couldn’t blame him, with the long dialogues and easy skip button it was easy to mess up. But you were at least able to pace him as he played so he didn’t ruin the route’s you two worked on.

The game wasn’t as easy as it seemed, some characters easier to unlock than others, but this character in particular, the classic pink haired tsundere girl, named Aiko would not budge. She always shot down the answers you thought were so right and got offended if you chose something flirty.

At one point you started looking up the answers online, giving Itadori hints as he nodded along.

“Huh? No way...Our interest score went up like almost a hundred did you see that!” He turned to you with a bright smile before pressing a kiss onto your face, “You’re really good at this...”

Every time he did that, it just made your heart swell. He unconsciously did something cute to you whenever the score went up, it made your ego boost up too high, almost as if It was a reward.

When he found out about your little answer sheet, he shook his head, saying it wasn’t fun if you were “cheating.” Making you two continue without a guide.

So it only made sense that you would get a few answers right before deaccelerating and only choosing answers that got negative results. You and Itadori would wince when you saw your like meter shake as it went down, it always hit a littler harder when you could see the point loss.

Your choices all led up to here, what started with a good roll of fifty points went down to ten. You glanced at him, there was no way you could win her over, everything you said or did just made her uninterested in your character, but Itadori was really set on this.

He continued to flip between the two choices, “I’m just gonna do it.”

You held your breath as he shut his eyes and clicked on an option. The screen loaded, processing your answer, ever so slowly. He peeked his eyes through, the both of you holding all the air in the room

*network failure*

Your mouth popped open and Itadori did a double take at the screen. Blinking quickly as you turned to him and the tv. The words shined across, with no intent on changing.

“Is that... Did—did you save!?” You flipped your head his way, sweat starting to build up when he didn’t look back at you.

He stared at the screen with wide eyes like the tv said something to offend him, giving the network failure his full attention. His controller laid loosely in his grip, like he would drop it at any second.

“Itadori.” You pinched his arm and he turned his head.

“I... I think so. Hold on.” He moved to the console, turning it off and on again, the both of you silently hoping it would work.

You chewed on your nails as he kneeled by the tv, the both of you were way too deep invested in this game.

You didn’t remember the last time Itadori saved, there weren’t too many save points in the game, it was just a “make sure you don’t forget before you log off” kind of game.

You had been playing for hours, if any of your routes got undone you were going to lose your mind.

The screen popped back on, the main menu and characters moved across the screen. It took a second before the load files came up, no time zones on them though.

Itadori stood up, standing in front of it like an old dad watching his football game. (Why do men do this...) He loaded the game and before you knew it, a familiar song from one of the scenes played and Itadori groaned.

“What happened? I cant see, move over.”

He stood to the side, “It restarted to the sleepover.”

You cocked your head at the scene, it was the same route you were going for, with the pink haired girl, but this was one of the scenes that showed up before you messed up.

During this scene the two of you had multiple chances to get on her good side, but continued to get her mad as it went on. It all went downhill from this point.

You gasped when your eyes flickered to the stats. “Itadori!”

“I’ts bad but I can fix it...” He rubbed the back of his neck as he sighed.

“No! I mean look at the bar! We’re back to fifty, we have a chance to win.”

He blinked back, his eyes flying past all of the high scores you had with her. You two hadn’t seen it like this in so long, it gave way more adrenaline than needed.

The scene settled on a few of the characters huddled into a classic “truth or dare” circle. It panned to Mizuki, her text filling out on the bottom of the screen.

“So... [player jizzman33],” Itadori smiled like that was the funniest thing on the planet, “it’s your turn. Do you choose truth or dare?” She asked.

Then the options popped up with a small timer clicking on the side. It was going by so fast, you had fifteen seconds to choose your answer.

You scrunched up your brow, not feeling any better when Itadori looked back at you for an answer. The last time you two did it, you chose an option that made the girl you were going for sneer and leave the party, decking your points by thirty.

You racked your mind for something, you had done this scene so many times with the other girls you needed to think hard for her.

“With brunette she liked truth, cause we confessed to her... and then....”

“Uhhh babe?” Itadori gestured to the timer and you waved him off. “It’s at ten.”

You continued mumbling, “blue hair liked truth cause we got closer to her... and then the green haired girl wanted dare... or was that Aiko?”

Your eyes flickered to the clock like it was a bomb.

Five seconds...

You knew this was beyond dramatic but at this point all cares were dropped. You literally had a chance to fix your mistakes, how were you going to let it slip?

You clicked your tongue, you forgot which option she wanted. You had gotten her route mixed up with another girls, trying to differentiate which girl wanted which choice.

Three seconds...

“I think I’ll randomly choose one...” Itadori pinched one of his eyes closed as he moved the stick.

He needed to do anything but that. You started connecting the dots a little faster, almost feeling your thoughts racing inside your head.

Everything went in slow motion as Itadori’s finger hovered over the ‘X’ button. This was more work than any game you’ve played, every decision led to your heart either being crushed or absolutely delighted.

Your leg jittered as you bit your nails, this was going to make you age a few more years, how is this stress healthy for anyone. Why would someone create a game this stress inducing??

That was when something spiked into your brain. Like a quick uppercut, you got it immediately, the planets aligned themselves and all was understood in the universe.

With at least a second to spare you couldn’t doubt the supposed answer now.

You jumped up, way more eager than you tried to be. “It’s Dare! Pick dare!”

He clicked eyes with you before switching his choice and pressing it in an instant. There was no time to check on your answer, he fully trusted you.

As soon as he selected the screen loaded, and the both of you held your breaths again, eyes focused onto the television.

“Ah dare huh? So brave, you’re the first person to pick that...” the Mizuki smiled, “I dare you to kiss the person sitting next to you.”

The screen turned to the person next to you, which happened to be Aiko, “W-well if we have to! You’re the first person to pick dare so whatever.”

There was a cut scene as she gave the main character a quick peck on the cheek before pulling away.

“Don’t take that as anything but a dare! P-pervert...”

Then the stats shot up as hearts flew across her screen. The score went up by twenty more, and it got closer to the goal than you could have imagined.

You and Itadori turned between each other and the screen. Faces absolutely wide in shock and joy, the both of you felt so happy you thought you could cry.

It was such an earned promotion, you felt proud being able to bring that victory to the table.

Itadori turned to give you a hug but froze, quickly turning back around to quick save the game. After it loaded then he came to you, wrapping you up in a very tight squeeze.

“We did so good!” You giggled when he kissed your cheek, “I’m so proud of us!” Kiss again, “I knew we could do it!” Kiss kiss kiss. He smothered your face in kisses, practically pressing his face into your cheeks and squishing you even more.

You smiled as he attacked your face with pecks all over your cheeks.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if the internet went out again...

[thiswasinevitableid]

3. Sweets for OT4 because Barclay making sweet things for his polycule is the soft that I need! Sfw, with mer Duck and Joseph?

Here it is! Joseph’s design is based on a Spotted Drum, Duck’s on a Mahi-Mahi.

Most days, Barclay’s house resembles a cookbook library. Today, it looks like a cookbook library that got hit by a catastrophic earthquake.

His goal is to find three perfect recipes to bring to the beach with him tonight, but he keeps changing his mind; whenever he settles on a menu, he turns the page or turns around and finds another contender staring at him from its glossy photo.

Indrid is the simplest; he likes sweet food in all his forms, though he’ll make concessions to the rest of the tastes from time to time. It was one such concession (to sour) that first introduced them. Indrid was shooting a fashion spread in town and came into Amnesty Lodge, where Barclay was working the counter at their little coffee bar. 

“I suppose I should get a slice of the key lime pie, since we’re in the keys.”

Barclay cut him a generous slice because he liked the curve of his smile. Indrid sat at the counter, took a bite, took a second bite, and then ate so fast his fork was a silver blur. He licked his plate clean when he thought Barclay wasn’t looking. There was a dot of whipped cream on his nose that Barclay almost offered to kiss off. But he exercised restraint and gave him a napkin instead.

Indrid came back the next day, and the next, and the day after that too. When Barclay asked how long the shoot was, Indrid admitted it was done three days ago.

“I, ah, I’ve been coming down from the city just for your food.”

“That’s the best compliment anyone’s ever given me.” Barclay leans across the counter, smiling when he spots Indrid’s eyes giving him a once over from behind his red-lensed glasses.

“May I have the chance to pay you some more? Perhaps tonight if you’re free? 

He was, and Indrid complimented him before, after, and during the night they spent together. Barclay would have been fine with a one-night stand, let the memory of Indrid’s tan, angular body under his hands carry him for the next few months. But the photographer came back at least three times a week and took Barclay out as much as possible. He learned Indrid was a big enough deal that he could pick and choose assignments and that he traveled often, but the longer they were together, the more he talked about moving his headquarters to Kepler.

Two years later, his office and studio are ten minutes from the apartment he and Barclay share. When he’s in town, he’s glued to Barclays side.When he travels, Barclay gets postcards signed with hearts or filled with sketches of what Indrid’s seen (and he always comes home laden with local delicacies for Barclay to try).

Wait, what were those hard candies he brought back and then ate all of? Yeah, that will work. Barclay checks to be sure he has heavy cream and makes a note to get pineapple from the grocery store. He’d hoped to avoid a trip out, but Indrid is worth it. Indrid is one of the best things to ever happen to him. 

He’s also the reason Barclay has to find three recipes and not just one.

A year ago Indrid was location scouting for a dramatic oceanside shoot. On a remote outcropping, waves splashing around him, a man popped up from the water to ask what the hell he was doing so far out and didn’t he know the tide overtook this rock real quick?

Indrid, a little strange himself, recovered quickly from being scolded  by a merman. And promptly asked if merman would like to pose for a portrait. If not, would he be able to show Indrid some good locations for photographing rays?

Duck, green-finned and strong, became Indrid’s guide to the reef. It didn’t take long before Barclay noticed Indrid getting dreamy-eyed when he recounted their adventures. Maybe he should have been jealous, but he was just happy his boyfriend found a hunky merman to show him the wonders of the sea.

These days, he considers Duck one of his best friends, a friend who also happens to make Indrid’s face light up like the Vegas strip whenever he smiles at him. 

Duck’s palate tends towards the savory side, and on days when he needs a pick-me-up Barclay will bring him a travel bowl of french onion soup and a hard seltzer, the two of them sitting on the sand and comparing notes on troublesome customers (or, in Duck’s case, park guests in the aquatic campground on the far edge of the reef. 

Actually, that gives Barclay an idea. He grabs the flour from the cupboard, sets it next to the jar of yeast and a bottle of wheat beer. They may be metamours and not partners but, as Barclay often jokes, he owes Duck big time. 

See, shortly after meeting Duck, Indrid guided Barclay down to a hidden patch of beach. 

“I want Duck to meet you, dearest. He also has someone he wishes to introduce to us.”

Duck barely had time to emerge before another merman pulled himself onto the beach and began asking questions. 

“See, this is why I asked him to come. Joe’s fascinated by the human world. Even swam under a glass bottom boat tryin to get a look at some tourists. Which was real dangerous.”

“You didn’t seem to mind  disciplining me for it” Joseph shoots a smile at the other mer, then continues his examination of Indrid’s camera.

With black hair, blue eyes, and a stunning white and black tail, Joseph is the most handsome man Barclay’d ever seen. Later, when he had to explain the fact he was attracted to both him and Indrid, he’d say that the difference in his boyfriends was like the difference between being fed by a classically trained French chef and Spanish chef pushing the boundaries of molecular gastronomy; radically different, but equally amazing.

Joseph, inquisitive and clever, began asking to see them whenever he could. Barclay started bringing food down for Joseph to try, played him movies on his phone, and fell harder for him whenever he laughed or smiled or made a bad pun. 

Some nights Duck, Indrid, or both joined them. Other nights it was just the two of them and water, Joseph lazily waving his tail back and forth as they talked. One evening, he dragged it across Barclay’s legs by accident and the human wasn’t quick enough in hiding his reaction.

“Should I do that again?”

“S-sure.” 

“Can I kiss you at the same time?”

“Yes! No, fuck, wait we, we need to talk to Indrid and Duck about this.”

“I suspect they won’t mind, but you’re right. We’ll take a rain check, big guy. And please pass me that cake.”

In addition to his other good qualities, Joseph has the most sophisticated palates of anyone, mer or human, Barclay knows. As in he can taste the notes of blackberry or chocolate that a wine label insists are there but Barclay can only sort of get a hint of. Barclay once bought him a sampler box of expensive wines, cooked oysters over a driftwood fire, and hand fed both to Joseph as he moaned and wiggled with delight, outlining in no uncertain terms what he’d do for Barclay as a thank you.

(He still can’t look at a bottle of white wine without blushing)

That means Barclay has to make something that's as sweet and sophisticated as the mer himself. Ripe peaches tickle his nose. He grabs his copy of Dessert for All Seasons, flipping to summer with a smile. 

------------------------------------------------------------------

“Okay, so” Barclay sets the bags down on the picnic blanket, “I, uh, I decided making one sweet thing wasn’t enough. I know that’s kinda silly but you three are so fucking important to me I wanted to do this right.”

“Doubt you’ll get any complaints from mr. sweet tooth.” Duck smirks. Indrid, lounging in linen shorts a moth patterned Hawaiin shirt, sticks his tongue out. The mer just blows him a kiss in response. 

“And there’s no need to apologize for being thoughtful.” Joseph drapes his tail over Ducks, “it’s one of your best traits.”

“Thanks, babe. Uh, so, Indrid, this is for you.” He lifts the pie plate from the ice chest, “it’s pineapple cream with vanilla whipped cream on top.”

“I love you.” Indrid takes the dish with wide-eyed appreciation. 

“Duck, these are for you.”

“Oh hell yeah, pretzels. Wait, is this-”

“French onion soup dip? Yep.”

“I’m gonna eat the hell outta this.”

“And, uh” he slides the cake carrier towards Joseph, “I found a recipe for a peaches and cream Prosecco cake. Hope you like it.” 

Joseph lifts the lid, licks his lips, then pushes the carrier into the center of blanket so he can roll and put his head in Barclay’s lap.

“You’re the best.”

“Indeed. Which is why we have something for you as well.” Indrid stands, stepping over Duck and then eeping when the mer gently whacks his ass with his tail. When he returns (stopping to bend down a pinch the sensitive upper back of said tail), it’s with the cake carrier Barclay looked everywhere for earlier today.

Beneath the pink plastic lid is a cake coated in milk chocolate frosting.

“‘Drid said this was the one you made yourself for your birthday.” 

“Oh fuck, the chocolate malt one?”

“The very same. We had to get a bit creative cooking it; Joseph suggested making the layers  in cast iron over a fire, which worked well. After all, we didn’t want to ruin the surprise.”

The frosting message of “happy one year anniversary” gets a little blurry, and he wipes his eyes, “this is so fucking sweet, you guys.”

“You deserve it.” Joseph kisses his hand as Indrid rests his head on his shoulder, Duck scooching over to lay across Indrid’s lap. 

Barclay smiles, “We all do.”