#Look sometimes I just get all emotional and then its everyone else's problem!!

[pentuppen]

The Pro's and Cons of FanFic Writing

I'm going to go ahead and admit I'm writing this instead of getting on with the business of writing another chapter, but why the fuck not, Stephen King gets by on 6 pages a day and I'm nearly three down before 11am. Time for me to waffle on and dump some of the clutter in my brain!

I love the fact that I have returned to writing fics after 7 years with such a vengeance. Back then, in the days of Solacemancers and Fen' Haral angst, I could barely make 7 chapters, now....well those of you who have been following me can still see where that's going. It is a privilege and a joy to entertain others with such wonderful characters, but fic writing does have its downsides.

Imposter syndrome - This shit follows me for like 8 out of 10 chapters and if it wasn't for my wonderful beta reader and all the people who left comments, it would have buried me into stopping long before I even considered a book 2 for Loose the Arrow.

I don't know where we're going - Ah yes that feeling you get when you don't have a whole story planned and you are literally making shit up as you go along. I swear some of my fics feel like just a bunch of cool events I have to hurriedly chain together till they make sense, and sometimes that can take DAYS!

I'm not a writer - Writing Fanfic, there is always going to be moments where you will denigrate your own work simply because you are writing a fanfic. You forget that this is supposed to be for fun and not really for any kind of gain.

Knowing when to stop - This is a particular issue for those of us that write long term fics, especially if people are invested in them. Once you get the ball rolling you sort of feel you have to keep it going or you'll disappoint people, and its hard to tell yourself on the days you feel off or its just not clicking, to just shut down the google docs and give yourself a break

There are just a few and please feel free to add more, it also likely applies to a good portion of the wonderful artists I have seen in the community. Nobody is a harsher critic than ourselves, even when we have every cause to be celebrating the works we have accomplished.

But you know, all it takes is the right comment, the right reaction and enthusiasm to get us right back on track. So as I sit here, avoiding a chapter that needs my attention, while my poor old laptop chugs away desperately pleading for retirement, I think it's a good thing to recognise all the people who encourage us.

To the Beta Readers, who corral our self worth and go through the exhausting task of putting our poor shrivelled brains back in order!

To the commenters who's reactions spark more inspiration than they will ever know!

To the Fan Artists who come up with amazing work for the sheer love of yours!

To the mad friends who challenge us to do the shit we come up with on the fly!

Thank you for making this hobby a continued joy for me and others like me day in and day out.

<3

[brainjuicey]

sometimes I say something about the intricacies of the world for paragraphs and paragraphs, sometimes out loud for an hour straight, and at the end I realise I might just be searching for myself in it all. maybe we don't need the death of hyper-post-modern conservatism in favour of the death of patriarchy under gender bending extremes supported by mainstream erotica and whimsy, radical social reform with prison abolition and idyllic anarchism. like maybe I just need to get fucked by a really attractive man or woman who makes me feel like sexy big bad wolf with a heart of gold.

[huellitaa]

why people don't like you ₊˚⊹ 💬🎀

okay this is not as harsh as the title suggests but i wanted to put it literally bcuz this is a problem i've struggled with for the longest time. im gonna be brutally honest here. there are so many reasons why ur not of the social status you want to be or don't have as many friends as you like yadda yadda yadda. SO ,, here's my thoughts on why that's the case , and how to help! 🫶🏻🎀💬

──★ ˙ ̟🎀you're fake

whether its cuz ur trying to "fit in" or because you have a completely different personality stored in the back for everyone you meet, ur fake. its very simple. its not necessarily a bad thing, it just means ur insecure.

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

stop trying so hard girl. it's not that deep. there are 8 billion people on this earth and counting, u really think this person's gonna matter when ur living ur dreams and thriving even more than you ever imagined you could? no. move on. next please!

find out who the fuck you genuinely are. you're never gonna live your life if YOU aren't the one living it. once you get a start on finding who YOU are it's gonna make you more authentic -> more magnetic -> more attractive in every single way, including social.

u arent obligated to fit in. think about the type of people that you see in the street and you stare a while at, the type of people who stand out from a crowd for whatever reason, the people u look up to, ur idols who you could never imagine to meet in a thousand years; do you think they fit in? do you think merging with a crowd is what made them appeal to you so much? no. think abt that.

wake the fuck up and realise u deserve better. why are you neglecting yourself by hiding yourself from the world? would u do that to anyone else? would u get anyone else to change themselves just so they can fit in? girl get a hold of urself!!! you've been through so much and youve made it so far and yet you're still pretending to be someone you aren't?? you deserve SO much better. people who truly deserve you will always love you for you, no one else.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur too awkward / anxious

i want to preface this by saying theres nothing wrong w this at all and i completely understand but ur gonna face some problems of people interacting with you. or you interacting w them. or both. i was diagnosed w generalised anxiety disorder when i was 11, so i understand how much this can impact ur life not just socially but in all areas.

⭐𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

first thing im gonna mention to preface is this can be a symptom of an underlying condition u may need to get checked out. if its impacting ur everyday life please seek therapy, i am not a professional and cannot help u w this, even if i'd like to. i love u ♡

find what is making u anxious. what about social interaction is scary to you, and why? why does interacting w others make u nervous? is there a specific thing ur worried about or u find nervewracking? always. find. the root!

have compassion and empathy and patience w yourself. its perfectly okay and normal to some extent to feel like this and of course we're all gonna feel like this sometimes but its important to treat urself with care, especially in these times.

treat urself as u would a child. i recommend treating urself like a friend a lot but when ur in a delicate and emotional state like this its better to treat urself like ur ur own child. take care of urself with the same love and attentiveness as you would your own children and give yourself time and take care of yourself to work through the issue. ♡

break things down and take it slow and simple. break it into steps and PUT. YOURSELF. FIRST until u feel able to go back out into the public again and be That Girl ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur straight up mean

this can be anywhere from just being generally disinterested in people, being constantly negative all of the time to being just really shitty and rude. we all have the same potentials and possibilities but sometimes we can fall into the trap of negative patterns when interacting with others, which is okay. everyone messes up sometimes. but the important thing is is that we fall back out of that and become even better for it!

💬𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

try ur best to put ur ego aside and think about yourself from an outside perspective. would you wanna be friends with you? if you were another person, how would you think people feel around you?

(🗒🎀 note: if that's too difficult, create someone in ur head or mentally assign ur traits, the good and bad, to someone you dont really know, and think ab how youd feel around them. insecure? jealous? confident? excited? nervous? think about it.)

i know it sounds weird but literally just sit down and talk to people close to u when you get the chance or the opportunity comes up and ask if anything you do comes off rude or blunt or abrupt or any sort of negative trait you think might be the issue here. or just subtly (or directly, either one works) try and find out their opinions on you so u can figure out if that aligns w what and how u wanna be, and then how you can change that.

just be generally more sweet and polite. people are easily gonna like you more if ur not a total dick. stop being mean to people, say please and thank you, compliment strangers, smile at everyone, put ur ego aside cuz its really not that deep girl.

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 ur too nice / people pleaser

okay being nice is not a bad thing. there is a fine line between being THE nice girl and being A nice girl. there is a fine line between being kind and being a pushover. you don't have to sacrifice urself to be nice to people. being nice should go both ways!

🧁𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

first things first, like all things and like i've said a billion times before, you need to address the root of what is causing you to act like this. this should always be the first thing you do when addressing any problem, esp w urself. why are you acting like this? what is causing you to endlessly seek approval like this and sacrifice urself in the process? think.

start saying no to people, even to the littlest things. if you want to do it then sure, but start saying no so much more often. it gives you a sense of control and shows you only you have a choice in the things you do in ur life, no one else.

define kindness. is what ur getting in return to this unconditional self sacrifice genuine kindness, or friendship, or respect, or attention, or whatever else you assume you're receiving from all of this? only you can answer that. ask urself what the genuine meaning of all the things ur trying to gain from this are and then see if that aligns w what ur receiving. (🗒🎀 note: also read this post of mine for more on this! ♡)

again, therapy is gonna help a lot w this. if this is making an impact on ur life, social or otherwise, then i am not a professional and cannot help u w this (as much as id like to). ily and i believe in u ♡

──★ ˙ ̟🎀 you seem "unapproachable / intimidating"

people are threatened by talent. people are threatened by beauty. people are threatened by what they aren't. so, congrats! you've achieved your goal! 🩷💭

🫶🏻𓂃 ࣪˖ how do you deal with this?

i told my therapist once that people have told me i seem rude, unapproachable, intimidating, etc. and i felt really upset about it because i dont wanna come off that way. i wanna be nice and approachable and someone people can talk to. and she asked me what i would do if my favourite celebrity or famous person or whatever was my age and was walking through my school. i told her i'd think they were really cool and want to be friends with them, but wouldn't be sure how to go about it bcuz they'd be super intimidating. think about that.

��️🎀 note: but if you do find that people say this or act like this around you a lot, then you might need to do some introspection and ask urself if anything ur doing makes people feel like that rather than their own insecurities and mindset. ♡

i just want to quickly add that not everybody is going to like you. everyone feels a general sense of dislike from time to time and this post is what i mean by that, NOT how to make everyone like you bcuz that's literally impossible and something you shouldn't waste ur time and energy on. as harsh as i may have been in this post ur amazing and i love u no matter how much improvement you have to do ♡ i love you and am proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too!

all my love... 💬🎀🫶🏻💗

[spdrvyn]

miguel and his sunshine human gf that loves to annoy the shit out of him and sometimes in order to stop her/calm her down he has to put her in an air jail 🤭

ardor and annoyance

miguel and reader who's a bundle of energy and joy. having to tame your late night rituals is no easy task, but it's one that he's always willing to take. what's more important than having your dear lover in bed with you?

pure fluff. reader can be seen as either civilian/spider. is it really one of my fics if i don't write about how much miguel hates himself even by just a little bit

dividers by @cafekitsune

What Miguel learned from being a leader, setting an example, being his mother's son, and serving as a hero was patience. 

It was a value that he had slipped up on from time to time, more often with himself. If he ever found himself at wit's end with someone else, he would mope until it passed or wait to get some precious alone time and healthily expresses his emotions by making a mess of his quarters and breaking down until he'd get tired and just sleep it off, restarting this precious cycle. 

Eventually though, he had begun to no longer exhaust himself by getting angry. Unless the entire multiverse was at stake (ahem), then he'd have to spring into action. But his main priority now is to fix the problem, get it over with, rinse, and repeat. 

When you entered his life, he realized that there was more to his ridiculous routines, more than his self-destructive attitudes, and that true patience came with love and caring as well. Obviously, he's light years away from being content with himself, but you redirect him, navigating through when that dastardly cycle repeats, so that you can wash it away and make him anew. 

Miguel isn't the only one that has his layers peeled back though, there's so much that he notices about you. That composed and mature persona that you set up for yourself, that has built good albeit only professional connections with the other spiders eases its way into a bubbly and joyful demeanor whenever you're around him. 

It almost didn't make sense, Miguel just seemed like the kind of guy to not want to do that with, to not want to relax around. He couldn't even relax on his own, the thought that anyone could feel comfortable in their own skin around him was shoved into the back of his mind. That connection that he so painfully needs is put aside for prioritizing the safety of everyone everywhere else. 

Your true nature is infectious, to his dismay. It's too difficult to avoid the care that you're so insistant on giving him, it started with working overtime, to enjoying working overtime, to going over to Miguel's place for work purposes, to going over to Miguel's place for non-work purposes to kissing him for the first time, and now you're dating. 

The catch with Miguel having let loose around him was that all that conserved energy circulated around his apartment, whenever he got home from another long day at the Society, he'd climb into you doing five different things all at once. Reading, watching a show, watching a baking show, baking a cake, and texting. 

It was hectic, nothing that he couldn't handle, but how you're not on the verge of collapsing probably deep into the trenches of the night concerned him. For slightly more selfish reasons, Miguel doesn't like not having you in bed with him. This wasn't as extreme as the missions he took up at work, but it was a mission nonetheless.

You're... Busy, Miguel doesn't know what with. He sees yarn, he sees cookie dough, he sees a laptop, tablet, phone, and headphones, and so many other trinkets that are buried under the pile that you've built on the kitchen counter. Your focus shifts between each individual station, and Miguel shifts closer and closer to you quietly. 

You're occupied on the laptop, occasionally looking at the stove while you're doing so. Then returning to your yarn and now knitting needles? Before mixing the cookie dough even more and even liking the mixture off of the spoon, humming to yourself contently. 

You don't even notice that Miguel is right behind you, until he secures you against his front and lifts you up with a squeal. 

"Miguel!" You whine, squirming against his solid arms. Your feet swing in the air and you try to push his hands away from your midsection, but there's no use in trying to free yourself when it's with him anyway. 

"Go to sleep. No más tonterías, cariño." His voice is fogged by sleep, as his grasp on you tightens. You turn slightly with what little space that you have and you can see his slumber muddled stature. Tousled hair, relaxed expression, eyes half-lidded, and he raises a brow at your staring. "What?"

"Nothing," you sigh, "I'll go to sleep, you just have to let me go."

Miguel shakes his head, rocking your swinging body from side to sidet to go along with it as well. "No, I don't trust you." There's a humorous fry to it, you accentuate the pout on your lips, and he laughs. 

It takes a little while for you to convince him to put you down, you can't say this is the most uncomfortable position for you. Whenever you're around Miguel, you always wind up in his arms one way or another, but this time that principle is just being used against you. The conversation shifts, less about your captivity, more about Miguel's day, your day, anything new outside, anything new in Spider Society. The position you're in, the silky nature in his voice, it gets you groggy and Miguel can sense it. 

He wins. 

He handles you to the bed properly now, laying your once tireless form onto the comforter as he tucks you in. You don't even try objecting anymore, the stove is still on, the video on your laptop was probably still playing, and that knitting project will have to remain unfinished until tomorrow, but it was fine. You know that everything is fine when Miguel gets into bed with you, pressing his lips to the top of your head in one long kiss. 

He wins this little dispute of yours, but you know that you've won at life knowing that your nights end like this, engulfed in his embrace, the sound of his breathing bringing you to a deep sleep as well. 

[star-girl69]

Love Song

Clarisse La Rue x Fem!Demigod!Reader

—-

a/n: just needed to do some general hc’s to get all my thoughts in order i hope you all enjoy!!

Love song - Lana Del Rey

warnings: the formatting is weird idk why i can’t fix it but y’all will live, swearing, a little itty bitty bit of violence, every facet of clarisse finding its way here and i love them all, tell me if i missed anything!!

—-

i’m sure we all agree on this

but clarisse is very protective of you

even if you’re a very capable fighter, even if you’re even better than her, clarisse is still so protective of you

i mentioned this in one of my fics (maybe so it goes…????) but like the reason behind this is the fact that clarisse is just SCARED

she is terrified of losing you bc you are the only one she feels like she can be herself with

like clarisse is insane!!!!! in a good way!!!!! but also she’s a 17 year old girl…. she wants TO BE LOVED

she tries to talk to you about how she feels about her dad and about everything else in her life, but even though she doesn’t want to be, she’s locked up like a vault

she knows her emotions are always super intense and she has big reactions

major anger issues but they’ve gotten better with age

the problem is she spent her entire life being told that she needed to calm down, that she couldn’t feel like that all the time, and she just tried to shut down

obviously that did not work

but it still makes it virtually impossible to talk about her feelings

when it comes to you tho she’s an open book

she’s a daughter of ares she’s headstrong she’s proud and her fatal flaw is PRIDE

i mentioned this before but she wants everyone to know that you’re hers and she’s yours

your relationship is partly very public

she’s not afraid to touch you or kiss you

she’s not afraid to show you off and (needs to) show everyone that yes your beautiful self belongs to HER

so naturally she gets very jealous

even when you’re like clarisse you are INSANE

there’s been a few times when you first started dating and you were still getting comfortable and weren’t that public yet so like someone would flirt with you

it went like this

boy: hey what’s up you’re kinda fine

y/n: oh! oh yeah no….. no…..

clarisse: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU—

then she started attacking him

lost dessert privileges for a month, she proudly declared that it was worth it (besides you would sneak her bites of yours like)

now that everyone knows you’re hers her jealousy is rooted a lot more in delusion and insecurity

you’ll be like in a group talking someone and she’ll pull you closer and be like “i think that guys staring at you a little too much.”

“clarisse no the fuck he’s not what”

b/c of the fact that she isn’t a son for her father she gets insanely jealous if specifically a MAN gets even an inch too close however innocently

she doesn’t want to think it but she thinks you’ll eventually realize her father is right and she’s not as useful or good bc she’s a girl

most of the time when she gets jealous bc of her insecurities she just becomes extra clingy

but also any emotion she feels she gets extra clingy to you so sometimes it’s hard to tell LMAO

she isn’t really a big hand holder but that’s only because she’s actually holding you CLOSER to her by your waist

also one more note about your relationship publically

everyone gets whiplash bc like she’s a BULLY fo everyone else and then you walk over and she’s all heart eyes

i hate everyone but you trope save me

save me i hate everyone but you trope

THIS HAPPENED IN IN A GOOD WAY

clarisse: pushes percy over

you: nuh uh clarissseeeeeeee

clarisse: omg hi beautiful gf

you: touches her shoulder, looks at her disapprovingly

clarisse: fine i’ll go, *scares percy*, bye bye beautiful ily

like she’s just being a bitch and then all of a sudden you come around and she’s like hiiiiiii babyyyyy how is my gorgeous gorgeous girl today??

so outwardly clarisse is just very proud and touchy

privately she lets herself be a little more chill

this is where she really touchy you thought before was worse nah

idk if y’all have noticed but in my fics clar’s always holding on y/n’s hips and that’s just me self projecting bc i have the most horrid hip dips but my point still stands

SHE LOVES YOUR HIPS

would totally call them “love handles” IM SORRYY

but she just likes having a place to hold where she can just like kinda actually physically grab you with her hands

like yeah she can wrap her arms around your waist but she likes to GRAB you

cuddling w her is fun bc like this girl cannot get ENOUGH of you there’s only like three ways you cuddle

you on top of her whether just like completely on top of her (one of her favs) or just with your head on her chest

this is what happens whenever you feel scared

like there was a monster attack just near the barrier and you’ve all been feeling uneasy all day

TRUST you are sleeping in her bed tonight

wraps her arms around you so tight it’s like she’s crushing you

also she’s running your back or caressing your head whichever you prefer

she keeps her spear right next to her bed and makes sure you can see it so you know however subconsciously NOTHING can hurt you bc she’s right there (nothings gonna hurt you baby vibes)

or she’s on top of you this one usually happens when she’s feeling a little extra insecure and jealous and it’s like no one can see you if she’s on top of her so then you’re hers

she isn’t the smartest one in the bunch but she has good intentions!!!!

also she lays on top of you if you get hurt

like after so it goes for example when y/n got that little cut on her hand

you’re like “clar pls you’re crushing me”

“um ok you scared the shit out of me today tho you need to LET ME do this fuck”

third option

you’re both laying on your side and facing each other legs tangled together and she’s probably whispering to you

she’s a big whisperer i feel it in my heart

like tracing her hands on your face and saying your so beautiful or telling you how you make her feel

oh lord take me now

also she loves you the way hozier loves

“someone asked me in the end i’d tell them ‘put me back in it’ // darlin’ i would do it again // if i could hold for a minute”

“when my time comes around lay me gently in the cold dark earth no grave could hold my body down i’d crawl back to her”

like she BREATHES for you

if she died and then you were like “i miss you” trust she would find a way to come back to life

totally daydreams about going on such a fantastical quest that the gods offer both of you immortality so you can be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever

like if the world ends y’all would still be there having a little picnic date

devotion is the only word that comes close

anyways

ok nicknames she calls you:

baby, angel, gorgeous, pretty thing/girl, beautiful, lovely, dummy (lovingly)

(recently saw a few posts abt clarisse saying mama/mamas i may be swayed)

dates she takes you on:

forces you to train w her even if you don’t like it but she lets you win OBVIIIII, under the stars in the woods, take your dinners to go and sneak back to either hers or your cabin to eat together, secret makeout sessions in the bathroom her cabin your cabin anywhere she can get her hands on you

this is so random but i get horrible migraines and i am ADDICTED to these like headache relief frequency sounds on youtube i swear they work and i was like omg you can’t have electronics at chb I WOULD NOT SURVIVE

so if you are a real one like me and get horrible migraines but this goes for being sick in general she’s like a little puppy pretending to be a wolf barely holding it together

she’ll be like at the foot of your bed begging you not to go into the light while shouting at someone at the same time to refill your water

you like have a cold

she would rub your temples if you had a headache and she would literally be like a doll for you to move around like oh you wanna lay on her chest? by all means

you wanna lay upside down with your feet in her face? as long as you get better you can do whatever you want!

you don’t wanna touch her at all? that’s where she draws the line

you’ll be like “ugh i’m hot get away from me”

“okay ☹️☹️”

“why are you touching my feet with your feet”

she places you above everyone else

like yeah other people are ok…….

but you 😍😍😍😍😍😍

this is slightly cringe but she would fr burn the whole world down and not let a flame touch you

LIKE HAVE YALL SEEN THE ANONS IVE BEEN POSTING AND THE CAPTURE THE FLAG THINGS 😱😱😱😱 (y’all always check my blog im always posting the funniest shit bc i’m funny)

“you’re one opposite teams blah blah blah you get hurt clarisse drops EVERYTHING to help you even if just a paper cut” (i have no chill fic coming soon)

THEN THEN the other one that was like “ok but what if you ACTUALLY get hurt like broken leg”

clarisse just goes crazy when you’re hurt

in so it goes: “what if that cut gets infected?”

you’re her WORLD she literally can’t stand the thought or something happening to you or else she starts literally shaking in anger and sadness

but when clarisse gets hurt it’s a whole other story

LIKE FUCK YOU JUST WANNA CARE ABOUT HER AND SHES ALL LIKE “it’s chill.”

NO ITS NOT YOURE GONNA BLEED OUT 😭😭

clarisse never let’s anyone but you see her true emotions

like yeah when you’re in public and you’re being cutesy she starts smiling and everyone is SO confused

but still

she never lets anyone see her as WEAK

so she always downplays her injuries in terms of how much they hurt, but flaunts them off proudly at the same time?? yeah that makes sense

after a capture the flag game you march her to the bathroom with a first aid kit “ok baby take off your shirt”

she always makes some flirty comment like SHUSH NOT RN

then she has all these bruises and every once in a while a cut from someone’s sword

you’re like 😔😔💔

you’re the only one she will let clean her up

unless she like breaks a bone or needs stitches (which has never happened) no way in hell she’s going to the healers

if you’re a child of apollo or smth she’s like “i literally have my own person healer right here…..”

anyways i think that’s all but i will probably be updating this when i think of more stuff bc as we know i have no chill

thank you all sm for reading and reblogging and liking and commenting and sending all of your WONDERFUL asks they make me so happy i’m always giggling when i get one

anyways bye bye 😘

—

taglist:

@lvrue @t-wylia @laughingcheese037 @kroumi @urdeadpoet @colezb @rey26 @harmzilla @elliewilliamsbae @amberfreemansburntface @kyuupidwrites @neverwaakeme-up @shark1008 @liballer @heyimadison @nvirskies @pnsteblnme

[whousestypewriters]

its you and me, baby - j.l x reader

pairing: joey lynch x fem!reader [established relationship]

requested: yes / no

warnings: swearing and sadish/insecure thoughts?

a/n: dw guys im still feeding you even tho im not online (this has been ling over due as well sorry to the two anons who requested this for taking so long!!) also i rlly dont like that i kinda not really sorta made aoife a problem in this bc joeyaoife forever!!!

taglist: @lxvebelle, @ecliphttlunar,

you like to think you're not insecure.

really.

but sometimes those small moments of doubt creep in and you find yourself questioning yourself more.

like right now as you watch your boyfriend talk to a very pretty girl at the bar. the same girl he'd been talking to for the last fifteen minutes. aoife molloy. she went to school with you and joey. you never really talked much to her but always got the vibe that she was a perfect shining star, that everyone loved.

example number one; your boyfriends smile right now.

he's smiling brightly at aoife, chatting away while he gets drinks for the both of you, laughing at whatever things she says. the feeling starts to build in your gut, one you desperately try to shove down because its the worst feeling ever.

and you see them too. the slight touches from aoife on joey's arm. fucking hell you're going to need several drinks if this is how tonight is going to go.

aoife's loud laugh breaks through your thoughts and draws your attention - not that you weren't already looking at them - back to her. joey's eyes are alight and you feel a ping of sadness and two ugly emotions you definitely don't like; insecurity and jealousy.

why didn't joe's eyes light up that bright when you two were together? why did he laugh as loud? was it you? were you just not funny enough? or was it something else? that one thing deep, deep down you were always afraid of. that you weren't good enough for him. and that he had found someone better.

"stupid shit thoughts," you grumble to yourself. "shut up, shut up, shut up."

pushing away all thoughts, you decide on getting your mopey ass a drink instead cause clearly someone else can't do that. standing up you make your way over to the bar and just to be petty you slip in next to joey and aoife and call out to the bartender ordering your drink.

joey hears your voice and his head instantly snaps around to you. "y/n, hey baby i was just getting us some drinks," he says with a small grin.

"yeah it seems so," you roll your eyes picking up your drink and heading back to your table. joey seemingly knowing that you're pissed says a quick goodbye to aoife and follows you over with two more drinks.

he sits down across from you and tries to make eye contact. "are you okay?"

you answer with a short nod and a sharp, "yes."

jealousy isn't a good emotion. its such an awful feeling, and you do not like it. so when joe asks, "you sure, baby?"

you kinda snap. "i said yes. i'm fine okay?"

he lets it go for now but you feel his eyes on you through out the rest of the - admittedly short - time you spent out together. you know he knows something is bothering you.

yeah, somthing was bothering you, someone called aoife molloy who's the prettiest person ever and who had joey lynch laughing his ass off for at least twenty minutes before you interrupted.

now you liked aoife, she was a sweet girl, but seeing the way she was with joey tonight really made you wanna bitch slap her. that was your boyfriend not hers.

the ride home you were quiet and you tried to bury the jealousy and insecurity bubbling beneath the surface you really did. but those dumb little thoughts kept weaselling their way into your head creating more doubt.

after you had both gone inside - still not talking - joey had had a shower and started to relax getting ready for bed while you had your own.

the hot - ok more like burning - water did nothing to ease the awful feeling in your gut. it was aoife molloy most guys your age would kill to go out with her. and she had chosen to talk to your boyfriend - who you aren't kidding yourself he's absolutely gorgeous. you've heard girls whispering about him more that a few times - you're not-single-very-taken-boyfriend.

ugh.

so when you come out of the shower and still didn't talk to joey thats when he snapped.

"alright thats it." he shoots his arms out wrapping them around your waist and throwing you on your back on the bed. he leans over you one arm on each side of your head caging you in. "what is wrong, and don't you dare say nothing because i swear to god i will kill you-in-a-non-threatening-way-because-i-love-you," he rushes the last part out.

"nothi-"

"y/n."

"fine," you sigh. "it... bothered me tonight, when you were talking with aoife."

"and..." joey eggs you on.

we're you really about to say this? "and i got jealous and insecure and i wasn't happy about it."

"why were you jealous?"

"because of her!" you cry. "its aoife fucking molloy, she's gorgeous, she's every guys dream girl and she was flirting with my boyfriend! and my boyfriend was smiling right back at her and yes it made me jealous because my boyfriend never smiles at me like that. he never laughs as loud when he's with me so yes. i. was. jealous."

joey's face stays still for a moment before he breaks into the biggest laugh. "oh, my god, y/n!" he chuckles loudly. "you have absolutely nothing to be worried about there. you wanna know what we were talking about the entire time? you." he leans down and presses a kiss on your forehead. "we were talking about you." he presses another kiss to your cheek, "aoife had brought up how grumpy you looked and we got caught up talking about you." he presses a kiss to the other cheek.

"me?"

"yes you, my grumpy little bug." he presses a soft kiss on your lips.

"there is no-one else, you got that? i adore you. i cannot stand the thought i being with anyone else. it physically pains me. i love you more than i'm actually sure is possible." he presses another kiss to your lips.

"its you and me baby. you and me."

a smile overcomes your lips and you pull joeys face down to kiss him yourself. "i love you," you whisper. "so much."

you both pull yourselves up under the bedcovers and fall asleep to the soft kisses and squeezes you exchange.

ok so maybe you are a little insecure but none of it matters as long as the boy who has his arms wrapped around you was with you.

a/n pt2: ok so i dont really know what happened with the ending so i lowkey js gave up on it. i hope you enjoy!!

[mochinomnoms]

The idea of a octotrio polycule is so cute Mochi pliz hear my rambling

Why settling for one when you can get a buy one get two for free deal?

I can't think of much ideas other than the situation that Azul does something similar to what happened in book three so now they are punished by not getting cuddles the most decent option is to actually put your foot down and keep the punishment even if your boyfriends cry out about how "working at the lounge was so exhausting! Please spare some cuddles for these three poor fishies!!" and even if some of your friends call you out (Jack for Jade, Ace for Floyd +Jamil, Azul for literally anyone?) because they are causing trouble:

Jade keeps following around Jack to ask him questions about beastfolks (I think this happened in the playful land event Jade wanted to make Jack wear silly clothes) he is willing to drag anyone you know into hearing his fully dramatized history of your harsh punishment and it comes with the incredible acting skills of Jade Leech!!

Floyd isn't even trying to even walk to every other activity he does it looks like he does it against his own will (on classes, on club activities) and that's why Ace told you about the latest club practice where Floyd just stayed face first on the gymnasium floor? Please prefect Jamil is about to invent new seafood dishes from how much annoyed he is with this "squiggly, slimy bastard eel"

Speaking of slimy eels... Epel called you because he discovered the whole reason why Vil has been more snappy than usual is Azul not being able to provide his moisturizer because "My workers and myself are in a heavy emotional break, I am afraid that we will be canceling production until stated otherwise.." he genuinely made a little domino line that ends connecting to you and your personal friends?

Of course that's the more decent option of you still going along with the punishment I am saying decent because the other option is to give up and get teased by the tweels and getting your time and affection fully capitalized by your octo darling

After the punishment is over (if you actually have decency and choose the first option) surprisingly when the three immediately drag you to the usual cuddle session everything is planned to fit each of your likings the series you three been watching/a movie playing in the tv, tasty snacks and a thing similar to a pillow fort/a nest? Filled with soft blankets and couches for the best of the best cuddle sections and after this everything will go back to its regular flow!!

(i want to force my brain to have more ideas for this dynamic but I haven't come up with anything else)

BUY ONE GET TWO FREE ASKJDKLAJSFKJGLGJ

They are a delightful package deal, tbh. But they guilt you for your affections so often, it's a miracle that you haven't wrung their necks yet.

They indeed make it everyone else's problem when you decide to ban them from any form of affection other than quick cheek kisses and handholding. But it's 10 times worse when only one or two of them are banned, but the others aren't.

Floyd gets in trouble with you a lot because he tends to bite into you a bit harder than he should, leaving deep marks. It's not the marking itself that's the issue, you'll admit, but it's the fact that he'll leave them in visible areas like your forearms, neck, collar, and even your ankles. All spots that others will see and ask, “Wtf, you good bro??” Sometimes he'll do the same to Azul, who will do the same and ban Floyd from touching him in any form. It wouldn't be as bad if Jade didn't rub it in his face, coming up to hug you from behind, leaning in close to brush his lips against Azul's ear to whisper something, all things that Floyd can't do! It leaves Floyd incredibly annoyed, sometimes angry, and every so often devastated that he can't hold his mates. If the latter occurs, he's coming after you. A weak thing to his tears, Azul has had years to build up resilience and hold firm, but you are weak to a whiny, teary-eyed Floyd who is begging for a kiss and cuddle. It's not faaaaair, Jade's been rubbing it in his face all day, and he loves you both so much, but Azul's not budging and if he can't even hold his shrimp, he doesn't even know what he'll dooooooooo! The day ends with Floyd and you in bed, his arms tightly wrapped around your middle and legs tangled in yours as he blissfully naps. Azul's annoyed that you caved in, but Jade's amused and tries to push Azul into joining the cuddle pile with him.

Now, if Jade's the one that being iced out for something, he'll actually return the favor tenfold. He's just an innocent little guy, what do you mean he can't just secretly feed you two an aphrodisiac mushroom? You had lots of fun afterward, even Floyd agrees (he does, but his firm moral stance on mushrooms doesn't). But Azul's pissed that he was used as a test subject again, and you had to call Ace and Deuce to watch Grim as an emergency. Again. So when you both ban him to only quick smooches and side hugs, Jade returns the energy. He's refusing any form of affection, and not giving them to you. Unlike Floyd, who's begging harassing you for cuddles, he's going to make you two come beg for him. After a few days of no Jade, you're both missing him, it's surprisingly Azul who reaches out first when Jade comes to deliver some paperwork for the dorm. The octomer had leaned in to give him a kiss, when Jade stepped away with a sly smile and told him, “Oh, but I thought you weren't giving me your affections? Let's not go back on our word now, Azul.” Jade is a tad bit nicer to you—taking after Floyd—to guilt you into loving on him again. But Azul? He's gonna make him suffer, simply because he enjoys making him squirm. It's honestly a sight to see, as neither are willing to back down. At least until the two of them fall asleep in Azul's office after working a late night, curled into each other's sides on the couch.

Azul probably has it the worst, as he has both twins teasing him. Floyd and Jade are flaunting you around him, being extra handsy. They're cooing at him, whining about how they can't cuddle both of you at the same time since he was dumb enough to piss you off. How could he do this to them? Such a mean, mean Azul! By far, though, you're the weakest to Azul's charms and silver tongue when compared to the twins. Maybe it's due to the knowledge of Azul's childhood, or maybe it's just because he's extra cute, but you can't find yourself away from him for more than a day. He sniffles, murmurs something about missing your embrace, and you're rushing into his arms, kissing away his tears. The twins get incredibly annoyed that you're so quick to let Azul back into your arms, while they have to wait at least a week sometimes. But then you're both reaching out arms and cooing at them to come to bed, batting your eyes, and all complaints are out the window.

I love them they make for a wonderful polycule. After all, they're a package deal, no matter how much they might say they're not.

[toysrguts]

MORE jeff hc's!!!!!!

thank u for the love on the last one i love writing these sm ^___^

•can fit like 11 cigarettes in his wide ass mouth at once

•half asian (his mom is chinese)

•his hair is really thin because it never grew back properly after being burned

•hates being wrong more than anything else on the planet. sometimes he knows hes wrong but will NEVER admit it and fight to the death over it

•bpd representation 💯💯💯

•something in my brain tells me he cant die. kind of like a johnny the homicidal maniac situation. he never gets caught and he never dies (he can still get seriously injured but he will always come back when u least expect it)

•always has to be in control of the aux in every vehicle hes in and is so obnoxious when his favorite songs come on

•also yells "I SAW THIS LIVE" every time a band he saw live comes on

•barks at random unsuspecting people through the open passenger window

•always stealing shit off his victims after killing. he has a whole ring collection because of it, and of course he steals wallets for weed money

•also steals from slenderman but you didnt hear that from me

•"saying jeff is a douchebag is like saying the sky is blue." -toby

•kind of guy that takes out his bottled up emotions on everyone around him and then hates himself for it

•wears the same gross outfit all the time. just grabs one of the 3 pairs of crusty skinny jeans from off his floor and of course the musty ass dirty ass torn apart ass hoodie

•smile dog is truly his best friend. he feels like nobody understands him like smile does. he loves taking him for walks in the woods while smoking a cigarette and having deep conversations with him (not that he actually responds but jeff knows smile can understand what hes saying)

•horror movie enthusiast, from obscure fucked up ones to super cheesy ones. he has a whole shelf dedicated to his horror movie collection

•has an addictive personality, which is partially why he has a drug and alcohol abuse problem and struggles with self harm

•rarely goes out in public because hes known to have violent outbursts. he once committed mass murder at a burger king because people were looking at him weird and EJ had to drag him out of there before the cops showed up

•HATES the light he literally duct taped over his windows so the light couldn’t get in (he forgot blackout curtains exist)

•his room smells like pennies, skunk weed, and foot stank

•is actually an incredible artist but acts like hes not. literally everyone loves his work except for him

•secretly loves cartoons. he loves taking bong rips and watching scooby-doo to escape reality :)

•has never had a healthy relationship with anyone in his life, usually just sticks to hookups

•its a miracle this man is still alive considering he survives off gas station snacks and week old sodas that have been sitting on his nightstand

•speaking of he once drank an old dr pepper after he forgot he put out a cigarette in it

•got a tramp stamp when he was blackout wasted

•writes random thoughts and draws little doodles all over his bedroom walls; it kind of looks like a mental asylum in there

•also his bed is literally just a blood stained mattress on the floor with no sheet and a singular pillow and blanket

•so fucking broke he will do anything for a hundred bucks

•writes the most foul hate comments under every post he disagrees with

•he loves video games, his favorite being postal 2 (hes OBSESSED)

[river13245]

The Angels Protector

Navigation / Castiel Masterlist

The sun had started to go down as you were driving back to the bunker. You had one job and that was to find a way to bring Jack back. Castiel had a special relationship with Jack he was like his own son and you had noticed the toll it had started to take on him when he died.

You knew about how Jack had killed Mary and had done things because the angels were using him. But the Jack that you knew wouldn't do something like that. So you were determined to find out how to bring him back so you could help him.

Dean would be so pissed with you but you could deal with him later when he did end up finding out. Right now you just wanted to get to the bunker and crawl into bed and just hope that your angel of a boyfriend would get into bed with you.

After an hour you had pulled up in front of the bunker. You grab your bag and throw it over your shoulder and start to walk in. What you heard when you entered made you place your bag by the door and walk into the living room.

You see Dean with his arms crossed looking at Cas and your boyfriend looks frustrated. Dean is looking at him as if he cant stand to look at him. Cas was explaining to him about how he had to do what he did even when he knew it would mess up the plan.

Of course Dean wasn't listening to him since he only cared about what he thought was right. What caught you off guard was when Dean looked straight at Cas and said "you know we do sometimes have plans fail and we have problems. But you always seem to be the cause of all these problems" There's a pause and your boyfriend speaks "what are you saying Dean?"

Dean was predictable he always lashed out at other people when things didnt go his way. You knew where this was headed so you look over at him and shake your head warning him to not finish what he was going to say. It didnt stop him. "You didnt tell us that Jack had been acting strange and then he killed my mom. You didnt stick to the plan and look where its gotten us. You are the problem Cas"

The glare you had on Dean could kill him if looks could kill. Castiel stood there and took it because he knew that what he said was partially true. But wouldn't you want to protect your kid and make sure that you were right before causing everyone to attack them. He also believed that he was the problem. Hell he spent most of the years doing everything he could to help just so he could fight that voice in his head.

A minute or so passes and Castiel just turns around and walks straight past you and to the door. "where are you going?" Dean asks and Cas looks back at him "Jacks gone, everyone is out doing their own things. Its time I leave especially when my time here is done" He leaves it at that and walks out and Dean doesnt try to stop him.

Dean goes to the kitchen and grabs a beer and then asks if you would like one. That sets you off because he just acts as if nothing happened. "are you fucking serious right now?" a scoff escapes you as you try to control yourself. Its not often you let out any anger or snap at people. You and Dean were very similar you just handled your anger better than he did and were more emotional.

He looks at you a little surprised by your outburst. "Yes I'm serious its not my problem he left after screwing us over" This causes you to walk straight up to him and punch him in the face. The skin and bone that hits your knuckles hurt but damn does it satisfy you. Dean doesn't try to even hit back. Not that he has the time too because your already speaking to him in such a tone that would make anyone shiver.

Looking up at him you defend your boyfriend who wouldnt do it himself because he cares to much about what dean and everyone else thinks of him. "Castiel does his best to keep the two of you safe. Yes does he sometimes fail but so have you guys. You have been too late to save Sam and vice versa. Hell other poeple have died to save your asses. Castiel has done so much good for you, for us, for the world. He turned his back on the angels and god himself after he spent who knows how many years he has spent loyal to them. He stays awake for days just to make sure there is always a way that all of this ends well for all of us. So ill be damned if you ever speak that way to him or about him like that again. Next time you ever tell him that he is the cause of all the shit things that have happened you will be on the floor"

Dean who is your best friend just stares at you. As if he is contemplating on what to say but turns out he doesn't have to cause Sam had heard everything and he clears his throat. Turning your head you look over at him and Sam and he is giving you a apologetic look. "y/n Dean he just-" you cut him off by shaking your head and grabbing your bag. "don't try to apologize for him."

When you get to the door you look back "I love you boys. You guys are my family but ill be damned if you talk to someone that i love like that."

-----

When you get your things into the car you start to head home. You could only hope that Castiel would be there. He wasn't home often because he was always out and you were always helping someone with something but you knew he wasn't feeling the greatest right now.

Your angel he wasn't fragile by any means because man did he look good beating the shit out of someone. However that doesn't mean that he doesn't feel things, he's an emotional man and you love that about him because so are you. he's better at keeping them in check than you are but you wanted to spend tonight taking care of him.

As you arrive to your cabin that the both of you had found empty a few months ago during a case you cant help but just hope that he was there somewhere. When you walk in and close the door there's no sign of life anywhere. "damnit Cas"

Walking to your bedroom you put your bag down and then go back down to the kitchen and make a sandwich for you and for Cas. Even with knowing that he didn't have to eat you still liked to include him and he would also always go along with it just to spend time with you. Once you place the sandwiches on a plate you close your eyes and you begin to speak to your boyfriend hoping he would come to you.

Taking a deep breath you begin "Castiel, my angel, come home please. I made food and can put on a movie" You weren't really good with words something in common you had with the Winchester brother but you hoped it was enough.

When you open your eyes to see he hadn't come a sigh leaves you and you go and pick out a movie to watch. One that you have watched hundreds of times but haven't seen in a while. So as you sit down you hear a voice from the door way. "y/n"

Your name that's the only thing you need to hear to know that he isn't doing well. The way his voice is strained as if he had been forcing so many emotions down. Looking over you see how small he looks as if the world is weighing on his shoulders. As you place down your plate of sandwiches you hold out your arms and he walks to you and sits beside you resting his head on your chest. "Castiel I'm so sorry"

He shakes his head and then looks at you and kisses your cheek "its not your fault. He is right I should have found better ways to help instead of-" You place your hands on his and squeeze them "don't think like that. You did everything right you cant control everything. Not even god himself can"

In return he squeezes your hand "I just hate that I cant do more. But I don't know what else to do. I'm so lost" You bring your hands to the sides of his face gently and nods. "well how about we eat and watch this movie. Let us both relax for a little while hm?"

"yeah that would be fine" He sits back and gets comfortable then you yourself get comfortable and play the movie. As it starts to play you hear a small laugh escape from the man behind you. "How to lose a guy in 10 days again really?"

"you love this movie and you know it" The angel smirks at your words and throughout the movie his eyes never leave the screen while your mind runs a thousand miles per minute. Even as you start to fall asleep but before you do you place a soft kiss to his lips. "you know i would do anything for you right?" He nods "i know y/n. Sam told me what you did after i left. You didnt have to"

A scoff escapes you as your hand rests on his side. "i know i didnt have to but Dean had no right coming at you like that"

"Dean means well he just. i dont know. we will figure it out tomorrow. Right now you need sleep" he says and you nod in response and close your eyes.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook: Velvet Love 🔞

The things he says never match the smile he's got on his lips.

Tags/Warnings: Yandere AU, Idol!Jungkook, graphic description of gore (briefly), twisted kook, description of mental insanity

Length: Short

Belongs to: Velvet Heart (but can be read as a standalone)

!! Disclaimer: I do not believe Jeon Jungkook to be like this, God no. This is pure fiction and meant to be seen as nothing but entertainment. Thank you.

♥━━━━━━━━━━━♡━━━━━━━━━━━━♥

"Alright how long will it be?" Jungkook asks as everyone gets ready for the shoot. "I really need to be home by 6 tonight, latest, or I might have to murder someone this time." He chuckles, voice light as he taps away on his phone, the stylist's hands stuttering a bit as everyone glances away uncomfortably from the idol. "What? Am I not getting an answer?" He asks innocently, looking around.

"I-we can't tell yet how long it'll take." The director says. "But we'll try and get it done as quickly as we can." He hurries out at the eye contact Jungkook holds with the man, dark orbs unmoving as they focus on the older man silently.

Before the singer smiles.

"No problem, I just don't wanna go home so late again." He shrugs, slumping down into his seat a little.

He's in a good mood today. That's not the norm- no one can really ever tell what kind of emotions go through him each day. While he used to be like this almost all the time back when he was younger, something had changed these days. Now, no one can tell if the words he says are to be taken as a joke, or as a threat.

Sometimes, like today, it feels like nothing's wrong again. As if the old Jungkook had returned, wiping away all the scary and unnerving changes that happened over the course of the last few years away, turning those things into nothing but a bad dream.

The shooting is fun. Everyone's light hearted again. The air feels easy.

"You think the challenge will be easy for you?" A staff member asks Jungkook in the back of the car as they all play a game of hide and seek in a way. He's supposed to find the rest of the members with small cues and nothing else. He chuckles.

"Easy." He laughs. "I'm good at games like these. No one gets away from me." He chuckles, and again, the mood shifts for a second.

He smiles. He's teasing, joking- probably. But no one is able to not hear any underlying implications He might be putting into his words.

So when the shooting ends, and its barely 5, Jungkook grins brightly as he leaves to go home.

And only then does anybody dare to breathe freely again.

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"Do you think he'd ever..." Jimin mumbles, sitting with the rest of the band backstage as they eat something, Jungkook not attending as usual. He's almost always rushing home to you right after his schedule, never staying behind for longer than necessary as if he'd run out of oxygen to breathe if he was to be apart from your presence for too long. "..I- you know what I mean, right?" Jimin says quietly, and Namjoon sighs.

"I'd like to believe he wouldn't." Hoseok says lowly. "I want to.. believe he wouldn't do that." He says, but he's not believing it.

But he, as well as others, have seen what Jungkook is capable of.

He choked Taehyung before, to the point of the singer's face turning blue. Jungkook doesn't shout, doesn't yell, never seems to voice out his anger, but rather acts on it instead. He breaks furniture, smashes holes into walls, but his favorite is always to hurt. He does it with such a calm nature that it's truly unnerving to see.

It eliminates any way of truly telling if he's ever joking or honest when he tells one of his more twisted jokes.

"But I think we're all aware that he's very much capable of it." Namjoon says with a lot more control than the others. "No one's ever safe around him. You've heard how he talks; at this point, I believe every word he tells about violence." He explains. He knows Jimin is worried for you- after all, he's the only one who ever had any true interaction with you- he knows the singer feels for your safety, wants to somehow get you out of your situation.

But he also needs to remember that if Jungkook ever found out about this, he'd probably be a dead man.

"Dont you think we should do something then?" Jimin says, just like Namjoon had expected.

"The only thing you can do is not think about it." Seokjin offers soberly. "Then it'll hurt less."

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You're beginning to try and speak more, and Jungkook worries it might become a problem at some point.

He can't have you babble about what goes on behind closed doors to others after all- what if you tell someone your address by accident, or how he's bought you a collar with a tracking device just to check where you go each day?

Of course, technically, he doesn't need it. You never leave the house after all, because you're just a good girl like that- and because the stories he tells you have made you afraid enough to never dare set foot beyond the apartment door ever. He doesn't ever make his stories too gruesome- mainly because he knows it'll make you a little too clingy, so he always depicts himself as the immortal God that cannot be harmed by any of the things he makes up. But you can be killed. You're mortal. A bag of flesh, ready to be devoured by the beasts that roam the streets outside of the safety of these walls.

You need him to survive. And he needs you to believe that.

He enjoys that you don't speak much. The noises you make and the gestures you've created to communicate are nothing shy of adorable to him after all, and any progress at proper human communication would ruin that feature of you for him. He doesn't want that- you're perfect just like this, like a pet, simply existing for him only, surviving because he wants you to.

You're alive because he allows it.

"I'll be home the entire week baby." He hums to you on his chest. "They've kept me hostage for way too much recently. I'll be with you for the entire week, I promise." He says, and you just smile, mesmerized by whatever he's saying. "You've got no idea what I'm telling you, stupid little thing?" He chuckles, and you smile as well, happily receiving his affection.

He loves it like this.

And he'll do everything and anything to keep it this way.

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Would he ever kill? Truly take a life so it never returns?

He doesn't know. He's never been pushed to that degree to find out if he's capable of it. But he knows, he sometimes gets the somewhat of an urge - if not himself, then his brain rather comes up with sick and twisted thoughts of you.

His mind starts to bend memories of you into shapes unfamiliar, his hands no longer holding yours but rather bending you over his thigh until your spine cracks and breaks in half.

He gets scared of these thoughts. It's like they're not his.

He becomes fearful whenever he dreams of your chest split open by his own hands, fingers tracing each of your exposed ribs while he can't see anything but red. He knows you'd been broken before, mentally at least. Would he end up being the one to break you physically?

Maybe it's his fear of possibly losing you.

He makes love to you painfully slowly, carefully, and yet he sometimes can't help himself but to make you up as his. Never to the degree of inflicting true damage, but just to show his own actions are still under control.

He's a rabid animal, a pet once loved but now sick and deseased, truly on the verge of wasting away.

And no one around him wants to admit it.

Not while there's still traces of the old him inside.

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[steddieas-shegoes]

For the requests: traumatized steve & eddie going to a wolf sanctuary and eddie watching steve basically live with the wolves in their area. And the one wolf,the one that hated everyone, the one who meaner and didn't get along with anyone to its cruel abusive situation (perhaps it was raised from puppyhood and onwards by people who used it in dogfighting, before it was rescued, that wolf, goes right up to Steve and sits by him. Giving him comfort. When Steve has bad nightmares he goes to that wolf's pen and they sleep cuddled together bc that wolf also has nightmares. (It can also be a wolfdog)

AS ALWAYS YOU COME THROUGH WITH SOMETHING FUN AND CREATIVE AND AS ALWAYS I MAKE IT EMOTIONAL AS SHIT!!! I was feelin' some type of way yesterday and started on this at peak emotional upheaval, which is really something I don't recommend. As many things tend to do, this got away from me and I think I could've still let it keep going, but I had to cut it off. Hope you love it!!! - Mickala ❤️

-----------------------------------------------

It was Robin’s idea.

She knew therapy wasn’t working. She knew firsthand that the nightmares, especially Steve’s, were impossible to handle some nights.

She stayed with him enough after the Russians to know he was averaging four hours of restless sleep on a good night.

And now that he’d seen the horrors of the Upside Down, and Eddie almost dying, and Max almost dying, and the guilt of just existing, they were worse.

Eddie had them, but he was usually able to calm down relatively quickly, usually even fall back into a dreamless sleep after.

His problem was just seeing the bats everywhere, even when he was awake. A large bird would fly by and he was ducking for cover like a bomb would be dropped on him. He’d hear screeching, sometimes even just kids yelling at the park, and he’d have a panic attack.

Drastically different problems, but Robin said this could help with both of them.

So Steve and Eddie stood outside the wolf sanctuary, staring at the front office entrance where they were told to check in.

They glanced at each other, waiting for the other to make the first move.

It’s not that they were scared. They’d been told about the process on the phone in great detail, the sanctuary director answering all of their questions in a friendly tone.

She’d said that the wolf sanctuary had been used as a form of therapy for people for years now, though many psychiatrists didn’t consider it an appropriate treatment.

Considering Steve and Eddie had been seeing a professional psychiatrist for months now with no progress and serious weight loss and migraines from their prescriptions, they were willing to give this a fair shot.

But their fear that it wouldn’t work kept circling through their minds.

If this didn’t work, they weren’t sure what else they could possibly try.

That was terrifying.

They were supposed to stay for a month, with the option of extending the stay if they felt they needed it.

It was expensive.

But this was on the US government, and Eddie was always quick to spend their money for his benefit.

Steve was just along for the ride.

They walked in together, both nervously looking around at the chairs and desks, bookshelves, pictures of wolves and mountains on the walls, and one small, gray-haired woman at the front desk.

“Oh, aren’t you two precious! Which one’s Steve and which one’s Eddie?”

“I’m Steve,” Eddie smirked as he held out his hand.

Steve smacked his arm.

“He’s Eddie, and he’s probably gonna be this way the whole time. Sorry in advance,” Steve told the woman.

“This is wonderful! You’ll be fun to have around. I’m Fran, I run the front office. I spoke to you the other day on the phone a bit about the check in. Are you boys ready?”

They both nodded.

She clapped her hands together in excitement.

Steve could tell Eddie loved her. She was full of theatrics like he was, every word punctuated by an exaggerated movement.

“First, the boring part. We did some of the first part over the phone, but these packets need to be filled out completely and given back to me. You can have a seat anywhere to do those. When that’s done, I’ll show you where to bring your bags so you can unpack and get comfortable. We can do a tour before dinner.”

She placed the packets on the desk in front of her, then took two pens out of a mug and placed them down too.

“If you have any questions, let me know. You two are just the cutest!”

She walked through a small doorway a few feet behind her desk and they grabbed the packets to start filling them out.

The first page was basic personal information, which had been filled out already. The second page was emergency contact information and how they were referred. But the third page is where it got difficult.

It has questions like “What is your worst memory?” and “Who is the person you would most expect to protect you in a life or death situation? Why?”

And while Eddie and Steve could probably answer those easily from terrible experiences, there was a lot they weren’t allowed to say.

So they just stuck with the official government stories for any and all Upside Down related parts, which was most of them.

Fran bustled back in, two steaming mugs in her hands. She set them on her desk carefully and then walked over to where Eddie was sitting.

“How’s it going?”

“Good. Almost done,” he smiled up at her.

“And you, dear?” She asked Steve.

“Good. I’m sorry I write kind of slow.”

Steve’s face was red, like he was embarrassed. Eddie watched as he focused on the paper in front of him, his hand moving slowly across the paper.

Steve’s concussions had a lot of lasting effects; migraines and one ear that was barely working, the occasional speech delay, and an inconvenient struggle with writing, especially if it was answering questions about himself like this.

Eddie distracted Fran as he wrote his last answer, talking to her about her favorite part of the sanctuary and how long she’s been working here.

He handed the packet to her when he was done, glancing over at Steve to see he was just starting on the last page.

“Hey, Fran, would it be okay if you helped me get our bags from the car while Steve finishes up?”

Steve sent him a grateful smile as he continued answering the questions on the paper.

As he walked with Fran to the car, she touched his arm.

“He’s got a lot going on, doesn’t he?”

“Yeah. He’s been dealing with this a lot longer than I have,” Eddie smiled sadly at her, touching her hand to accept the comfort she was giving and give some in return. “I hope this works for both of us, but I’d be happy as long as it works for him.”

“You care a lot about him.”

It wasn’t a question, and her tone wasn’t judging, but Eddie could just tell. He should panic, he should tell her it wasn’t like that. And it wasn’t for Steve.

But he’d been hiding it for so long, and somehow successfully, he couldn’t lie to her.

“I love him. He doesn’t know how much. I did this for him, mostly. I mean I want it to help me too, but I know he wouldn’t have tried this if I didn’t come and he,” Eddie sighed. “He needs this. He can’t keep going like he has been.”

Fran pulled him into a hug and he did all he could not to start crying.

“He’s lucky to have you on his side no matter what, darling. And I’d bet anything he thinks the same of you,” she said softly.

“I don’t think it’s quite the same. He loves me like a friend, but he’s not…not like me.”

Gay. He wasn’t gay. Or even a little into men. Eddie was sure of that.

Fran pulled away and just smiled at him.

“Okay, then. Let’s get these bags inside.”

They managed to bring everything in in one trip, and by the time they made it back inside, Steve was done with his packet.

“Alright!” Fran clapped her hands together in excitement. “To your room!”

Eddie’s eyes widened.

“Room? Like, just one?”

“Yep! The other room we have for long-term residents is already taken for the next few weeks. Will that be okay?”

She was smiling innocently at Eddie, who knew she knew why he was suddenly panicking.

“That’s fine. We end up sharing a room all the time, right, Eds?” Steve asked as he grabbed his own bags from the floor.

“Uh. Yep. Totally fine.”

“Great!”

She led them out the back of the front office, down the sidewalk that led to a row of small buildings.

“This first building is storage. The next one is the short-term stays, usually people who donate frequently to keep us running, staying for a night or two to see where their money goes. This next building is for long-term stays. That’s you two. It’s split into a duplex, so you’ll have basically a studio apartment in there. Kitchen, bathroom, living area with a sectioned off area as the bedroom. You each will have a key, but keep in mind that the director also has a key for emergencies. The janitorial staff only goes if requested, so let me know if you feel it needs a sprucing up or you need new sheets or anything. Fridge is stocked and gets restocked every two weeks.” She paused as they made it to the steps to the building. “Oh! We don’t technically have a curfew for the guests. You’re adults and we trust you on your journey here. But we do ask that you try to be back no later than 11, as we often shut off many of the trail lights by midnight to ensure the animals have the closest replica of the wild as possible.”

Steve and Eddie nodded, eyes wide at all the information being thrown at them so quickly.

“Your room has a phone of course. You’re free to use as often as you’d like. Pressing 1 gets you in touch with the front office, 2 is for security, 3 is for the director’s office. I recommend calling the front office unless it’s an emergency so we can get in touch with the right people for you. After your tour, you’ll have free reign over the entire sanctuary except for anywhere marked employees and volunteers only. That’s for your safety, of course. We encourage you to be a part of some of the educational tours and seminars that we offer to the general public as well as enjoy time on your own with the wolves. Volunteers are here every day from 9 to 5, and the employees who help care for the wolves stay until 11. We have security here 24/7, but the director usually has a couple people on staff remain after regular hours in case of an animal emergency.”

This felt a little overwhelming, but he could already tell Steve was more relaxed here than he’d been anywhere else since he met him.

“I work when they need me, but my home number is by the phone in there for you just in case you need a chat. I retired a couple years ago so I spend a lot of my time at home with my dog. You’re never a bother, okay?”

They both nodded.

She hugged them both, handed them their keys, and started to walk away.

“Your tour will be in about an hour. James is running it today. You’ll love him!”

She was gone before they could even respond, so they looked back to each other and shrugged before heading inside.

The main door was unlocked, but the door inside marked with a “2” was locked. Steve unlocked it and pushed the door open.

The apartment was nice, but small, smaller than either of them had expected.

“Guess we’ll be getting pretty close for the next month, huh?” Steve joked.

Eddie’s heart was in his throat.

He could see the “bedroom” from where he stood. It was one queen sized bed. One.

“Um. Yep. Guess so. I can take the couch,” Eddie rushed out.

Steve clearly hadn’t seen the sleeping arrangement yet or he would have probably offered. He’s a self-sacrificing idiot, so Eddie had to rush to offer before he could.

“What? Why?”

Eddie gestured towards the bed.

“There’s plenty of room for both of us, dude. A month on the couch isn’t exactly gonna help with the nightmares.”

“It looks pretty cozy.”

Steve just stared at him, brows raised like Eddie was an idiot.

He was an idiot, but he didn’t need Steve thinking it.

“Eddie. Seriously. We can share a bed.”

Steve wouldn’t let him win, it’s just not who Steve was.

“Okay, okay! Let’s just unpack so we can go see some wolves or whatever.”

They unpacked in silence, Steve taking the spot closest to the door without Eddie having a choice.

Self-sacrificing idiot.

—--------------

James knocked on their door at exactly 4:00, like he’d been standing there waiting for the clock to change over from 3:59.

“Hello! I’m James. You’re Steve and Eddie?”

They all shook hands and James started explaining things quickly.

James was only a bit older than them, wearing a volunteer shirt that had seen better days, and had the energy of Dustin.

“So! I’m gonna show you the lay of the land, you can ask me questions, I can try to answer them, and then I can drop you off back here so you can eat. The first night can be a bit of an adjustment, so feel free to give me a call if you have trouble. My number is under Fran’s,” James spoke rapid-fire, but not so fast they couldn’t keep up. They were used to that, anyway.

“So to start, everything you guys really need is along this main trail.” He pointed the way they came earlier and then the other direction. “That way leads to our nutrition area for the wolves, which you are welcome to visit anytime during the day to help or feed some of the rehabilitated wolves in the building nextdoor which is the hospital. The hospital is only open to the guests staying here and employees from 12-5, just because much of the mornings are spent performing surgeries or checkups. You’re encouraged to spend time with any of the wolves there in recovery as it helps their spirits much like a person. But if you take the left at the fork in this trail, you’ll be led to other trails. The first one is the wolf enclosures, which I’m taking you to now.” He kept walking as he spoke, moving his hands constantly, big smile keeping Eddie and Steve enthralled.

“We have one specifically for the ones we’ve rescued who are still healing from injuries, and that one is off limits to everyone between dusk and dawn. Many of these wolves are relearning how to be wild and part of that is using the night to hunt. Being in their cage during those times could be dangerous. They wouldn’t necessarily eat you,” he paused to laugh. “But they may take a bite. Now! The second enclosure is where we keep Herald. You can laugh at his name.” Eddie let out a small laugh.

“Herald had a rough upbringing. He was rescued about six months ago from a traveling circus that had abused him for at least a few years. We think he’s about 5 years old, but can’t be 100% certain. He’s hesitant around all people, even the director. He can be very unpredictable, so only the director, vet, and head nutritionist are allowed in there. You’re welcome to visit from the outside anytime you’d like though! He’s shy, but it can’t hurt having people talk to him.”

James was walking pretty quickly, and if Steve wasn’t so in shape, he’d be struggling. He looked over at Eddie. Eddie was struggling a little, but didn’t want to stop or slow down.

“And the last enclosure is for the rest of the wolves. These are ones that may be reintroduced to the wild soon or who may have been rescued without injuries, but just aren’t ready to go yet. This enclosure has a few areas for public access. The first being the feeding area, the second being the petting area. The petting area is only able to be accessed when employees or volunteers are present. The third area is only for guests staying long term such as yourselves.”

James walked them through a gate off to the side of the enclosure.

“This area is my favorite in the whole sanctuary. It’s their den area. It’s not recommended to come alone, and you should always go to the petting area to meet them first, but this area is nice for anyone who wants to feel like a part of the pack.”

“We can go in there?”

“Again, it’s definitely recommended to meet the wolves in the petting area first, maybe feed them a few times to show them you’re a friend, but yes.”

“Huh.”

Eddie watched Steve’s reaction.

This was much more involved than they expected to be.

“So that’s the enclosures! The next part of this trail leads to a walking and biking trail that is a great way to see some nature without having to leave the area. It’s snake season, though, so make sure you know your snake safety beforehand and bring the provided whistle with you in case of an emergency. Volunteers and employees are always within hearing distance during normal hours and can usually respond within 3-4 minutes.”

“Could we go back to Herald?”

Eddie’s head snapped to Steve, who was looking at James with a kind smile.

“Oh. Well, sure. The only other thing I needed to show you was the trail leading to the lake, but we can go back after.”

So James backtracked, Steve and Eddie close on his heels.

They got to the enclosure with Herald, but didn’t see him.

“He likes to hide. Especially if it isn’t close to meal time, he doesn’t usually come close to the fence. His den is hidden away.”

Steve kept walking up to the fence as James spoke, Eddie watching and trying to figure out what was going on.

“Herald? You there?” Steve called gently into the fence. Wolves had excellent hearing, and he’d probably already heard them approach. “You can come say hi if you want to.”

Eddie stood next to Steve, looking out at the area in the enclosure. There was a good mix of forest and empty area, with plenty of things that were probably used as toys scattered around. He watched for any sign of movement, listened for any trotting over.

Nothing.

Steve looked incredibly disappointed, but James walked closer and gave them both a smile.

“Like I said, Herald isn’t very social and it’s nothing personal. He doesn’t even seem to like the director and all the wolves love her.”

But Eddie knew Steve. He knew that he wasn’t gonna let that shit go.

“Alright! Shall we head to the trail by the lake?”

Eddie watched as Steve sighed, but nodded.

—--------------

Steve cooked them dinner that evening, said it helped him relax and that he would feel more at home if he got into a routine.

Eddie wouldn’t complain; He loved Steve’s cooking.

He made a basic spaghetti dish, even toasted some bread and sprinkled some garlic powder on it to make garlic bread.

They sat at the small table by the front door and ate in silence.

“It’s really quiet here.”

Eddie looked up to see Steve staring down at his plate, biting his lip nervously.

“It’s kind of nice though. Peaceful.”

“Yeah.”

Eddie knew what he was worried about.

He was worried the silence would make him have more nightmares instead of less, that he’d be left with nothing to help him if this failed.

“Hey,” Eddie reached over and patted Steve’s hand that rested on the table. “I’m here, alright? You won’t be alone.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, only slightly relaxing back into his seat.

—--------------

The next day was relaxed.

They walked along the main trail after breakfast, happy to see Fran again and meet some new people.

They stopped at Herald’s enclosure, but still didn’t see or hear him.

Steve was disappointed, but it was hidden away when they were able to feed and pet some of the other wolves before lunch.

The wolves were all beautiful, clearly well taken care of, and even the ones still in recovery were cleaned, well-fed, and cared for by the team.

Eddie quickly had a favorite: Mabel. She was an “old woman” as the employee at the feeding area said. She was 12 years old, had been brought in from the side of the road after being hit. She had had a broken leg and many broken ribs, along with cuts that needed stitches. Not the worst they’d seen, but due to her being nearly 11 at the time, they didn’t expect her to pull through. She did though, and had quickly become known as the leader of the group. All the wolves respected her, it was clear even to Eddie and Steve. She was the first to the feeding area, the first to the petting area, and would often stand guard over the others as they went into the shared spaces.

She was light brown with gray speckled throughout, her scars visible, but mostly covered with hair.

Steve loved Mabel, too, but he still had his heart set on Herald.

Eddie wasn’t stupid. He knew why Steve was so fixated on him.

Someone who was abused and hidden away and expected to perform every day for crowds of people? Yeah, Steve and Herald had quite a bit in common.

He just didn’t want him to get his hopes up for nothing.

After lunch, they decided to walk over to the nutrition center, maybe learn something new.

It was educational, and fun, and Eddie said multiple times how much he wished actual school had been like this.

The nutritionists let them help set up all the wolves’ dinners, showing them portion sizes for each of the wolves, telling them what the wolves’ favorites were. How they celebrated birthdays for them.

It was fun. Steve even cracked some smiles throughout.

—--------------

That night was rough.

Steve had fallen asleep quickly, much to Eddie’s delight, but it didn’t last long.

Eddie was woken up not long after he fell asleep by whimpering. He glanced at the alarm clock by the bed. 10:38. Barely an hour.

He knew from experience that waking Steve up would just make things worse for him, so he gently set his hand on Steve’s side, the best support he could give right now.

It physically pained Eddie to watch Steve’s face tighten in fear and sadness, whatever his nightmare was this time painting a horrifying picture he couldn’t escape.

Steve had mentioned once that his worst nightmares weren’t even about reliving anything that happened. They weren’t anyone dying, though he had those too. They weren’t even him dying.

They were everyone turning on him, finally seeing he wasn’t worth their time or effort, leaving him alone in that big empty house just like his parents did. He said the worst part was when Robin and Eddie left in the nightmare. When they looked at him with disgust and said he wasn’t good enough for the kids, and he damn sure wasn’t good enough for them.

No matter how many times they told him that would never be true, he still had them.

Ten minutes went by, agonizingly slowly, tears falling down Steve’s face. Eddie was whispering words of comfort, hoping that somehow Steve could hear him, but knowing he probably couldn’t.

But finally, Steve’s eyes opened, the whimpering stopped, and he was no longer hearing and seeing what hurt him the most.

He sat up and wiped his eyes, but the tears kept coming and his breathing was still labored.

Eddie sat up with him, hand on his arm, thumb rubbing back and forth to keep him present.

“I think I need to walk it off,” Steve said, voice wet with tears still to come.

“Okay. Do you want me to come with you?”

Steve shook his head.

“No, go back to sleep. I’ll only be out for a few minutes.”

And as much as Eddie knew that was a lie, and knew he should probably go with Steve, he had to trust him.

He’d be safe. He had to be.

—--------------

Steve walked aimlessly up and down the main trail for 10 minutes, trying to breathe in the fresh air, focus on his surroundings.

It wasn’t working as well as he’d hoped, but it was better than staying in bed and letting Eddie see him like this.

Eddie was too kind, always. He was bright, like the sun and the stars and the moon on a clear night. He was everything. And if Steve let himself be too vulnerable, too much, Eddie would take that light.

He lost track of where he was going, his breaths coming in sharper pants now as he let more tears fall.

A noise made him freeze.

Leaves rustling.

He looked up to see Herald’s enclosure in front of him. And…

Herald.

Herald was huge, much bigger than any of the other wolves they’d seen so far. He was beautiful. Scars along his legs showing that he had been abused awfully before coming here, but the rest of him glowed with health. He was standing about eight feet from the fence, trying to hide some of his body still behind the bushes along the forest line.

Steve slowly made his way to the fence, his hands up to show he wasn’t going to cause any harm.

Herald didn’t come closer, but he didn’t back or run away either.

Steve counted that as a win.

He instantly slumped to the ground at the fence, his hands and head resting against the chain links like they were the only thing keeping him upright. Maybe they were.

Steve closed his eyes.

He was so focused on staying calm, he couldn’t hear Herald approach. But he suddenly felt a cold, wet nose against his head.

He didn’t panic, he didn’t want to scare Herald, but he realized suddenly that his fingers were very much easily accessed by sharp teeth.

He let Herald sniff him, then slowly looked up.

Herald was tilting his head at him, almost as if he was asking if he was okay.

That made Steve sob.

Herald jumped slightly, but then moved so he was completely against the fence, laying down so his warm body could be against Steve’s.

Steve slowly let his hands fall, reaching through the fence slowly to let them rest in Herald’s fur.

He felt the wolf sigh, and he couldn’t help but laugh.

“Yeah, I get it. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone care, huh? You’re so soft,” Steve whispered, knowing Herald was still not completely relaxed around him.

“You tired?”

Steve felt a little silly for asking a wolf a question, but he felt even sillier when he realized Herald had just moved his head up and down. It was probably a coincidence, but the timing was crazy.

“Me too. We should get some sleep.”

Herald huffed and rolled his head back against the fence.

“Want me to stay?”

Herald huffed again.

“Okay.”

So Steve stayed.

He sat down on the ground, back against the fence, and listened to the crickets and the steady breaths of Herald.

He was woken up by Eddie shaking him and a growl coming from behind him.

“Steve! Jesus, I thought you’d got lost or died or something.”

“How long have I been out here?”

“It’s nearly two in the morning!”

Herald was growling behind him, protectively pacing behind Steve like he would find a way to get through the fence if Eddie tried to hurt him.

“Hey, Herald, it’s okay. This is Eddie. He’s here with me. He’s my friend,” Steve said calmly, holding his hand through the fence so Herald could sniff him and see he was okay.

“Steve! Get your hand out of there. He isn’t friendly, remember?”

“Oh, please. He just slept by me for hours and let me hold his fur like he was a stuffed animal. He’s plenty friendly.”

Eddie just stared, jaw slack, as he realized Steve was right.

Herald was licking Steve’s hand, leaving his scent on him like he was trying to provide as much protection as possible.

“You made friends with the only wolf here who hates people. Unbelievable.”

“Hey, be nice. He just needs some love is all.”

Eddie nodded. Yeah, him and another person with a name that started with S and rhymed with sleeve.

Eddie’s heart had been racing for the last 15 minutes since he woke up and realized Steve wasn’t in bed next to him or anywhere in the apartment.

He finally took a deep breath, balling his shaking hands into fists and stuffing them into the pocket of his hoodie.

“We should head back inside, Stevie.”

Steve seemed to notice Eddie wasn’t doing so great.

“I’m alright, Eds. Hey, look at me.” Eddie looked at Steve’s face, the way he seemed more relaxed than when he first left after his nightmare. “I’m okay. I must have fallen asleep.”

Eddie took a deep breath, resting his head against Steve’s shoulder as he let it out.

“I thought you were gone.”

“Nah, you can’t get rid of me now.”

“No?”

“Nope. Herald and I are just good friends, but you’re still-” Steve cut himself off, but Eddie wasn’t going to let that pass.

“What?”

“Nothing. Not important.”

“Yeah it is. Tell me.”

Steve seemed nervous, and Herald must have sensed it because he let out a low growl.

“It’s just that you mean a lot to me. Kind of everything, actually.”

Eddie couldn’t breathe.

What did that even mean?

Steve’s hand was suddenly in his hair, playing with the ends the way Eddie did when he was nervous.

“You’re just. I mean, how could you not mean the world to me? You dropped everything to come here with me because you knew I wouldn’t do it alone, Eds. You bring me candy at work even though I literally have access to all the candy I want at the counter. You let me find reasons not to watch the scary movies on movie nights when Dustin picks because you know I can’t handle them. You swim in the pool with me alone so no one knows how much I still hate it. I…you’re just…”

Eddie didn’t let him stutter any more, knowing what he was saying without actually saying it.

He knew what Steve was afraid of, and he wasn’t going to let him be scared anymore.

“Steve. I love you. That’s why I do all that. I love you. I’m in love with you. You deserve more than what I can give, but I can keep giving you all of the love I have, and hopefully that will be enough.”

Steve’s lips were on his before he finished speaking, teeth clacking together at the force of it.

Herald huffed, but they didn’t stop. Eddie didn’t know how he was supposed to now that he had Steve’s lips on his.

He never wanted them gone.

His hands reached up to Steve’s neck, cradling his jaw between them as if he was holding something precious. He was.

“I love you so much,” Steve said against his lips, melting against Eddie.

“I love you, Stevie,” Eddie said back. He planted another soft kiss to his lips before resting their foreheads together. “Let’s go back to bed, okay? We can come see Herald after breakfast.”

Steve nodded and turned to Herald.

“I’ll be back. Don’t hide from me, okay?”

He reached in to give Herald’s head a scratch, and Eddie shook his head in disbelief.

It took less than 48 hours for Steve to have the one wolf in this sanctuary who didn’t like people completely wrapped around his finger.

But Eddie could relate.

Steve’s charm was damn near impossible to resist and now he didn’t have to try.

[jojo-cafe]

Is it okay if I request the members of passione from Golden Wind reacting to a stand user whose stand is legitimately a HUGE teddy bear?

Hello!! Sure! Here's your coffee, enjoy your drink!

Bucci Gang with a reader that has a teddy bear looking stand

Giorno Giovanna

Giorno finds its appearance interesting, although he isn't very shocked by it, as he just presents himself. 

"Hello, I'm Giorno Giovanna," he says as your stand opens for a hug, and he complies. 

If a small part of the teddy stuffing happens to come out, Giorno turns it into a butterfly or ladybug that goes either to you or your stand.

Sometimes, he will bring home little flower crowns he made for your stand, as well as small flowers, which look adorable due to the size difference between your teddy and the flowers. 

Giorno brought home a little silk magenta bow—the color of his suit— to place around your stand. 

He stitched a little flower and a ladybug somewhere on your teddy.

When Giorno arrives home from an exhausting mission, he isn't much for talking, avoiding contact since he's stressed and interactions could make him snap easily. On those days, sometimes you surprise him with your stand in his room so that he can relax (even if he isn't as attached to it as much as the others are) On those days, you are greeted by the sight of a ladybug on your stand's nose the next time you see it.

Pannacotta Fugo

At first, Fugo is curious about it, asking you questions about its abilities and why it has that appearance. 

If it ever rips a stitch or two, Fugo would certainly like to help sew it again, as it will give him a chance to learn more about your stand. But it also becomes a kind of therapeutic activity for him. So, after a fight, when your stand has lots of rips and stitches open, Fugo likes to sew it together. He also enjoys talking with your stand while he stitches it.

"We're done stitching. That was more than the last time, [stand name],"

He says, patting your stand as it stands up, opening its arms, offering a hug that Fugo obliges and accepts.

"Y/N should buy a stitching kit for you"

Fugo always checks to see if the stitching is holding up and if it doesn't have any rips. Although Fugo likes it, he isn't a fan of lying down or sleeping on it, but he still enjoys spending time with it.

As we all know, Fugo has anger management problems, and if you let him, he'll use your stand to help with his anger. When angry, whether at someone else or your stand, Fugo will sometimes hit your stand, usually with punches or slaps. Unfortunately, if Fugo has a sharp object around, he will use it on your stand. Luckily, it doesn't let Fugo hurt itself or you.

Although Fugo enjoys spending time with it, its large body and lack of size awareness don't make him the most agile of stands. So, Fugo sometimes gets very angry at it for knocking things over and bumping into people. 

Fugo stitches a little chibi Purple Haze face on it.

Bruno Bucciarati

Although everyone has a soft spot for your stand, Bruno is the one who actually takes the most care of it, as he tells you when a stitch is loose, the fur is dirty, or when there's a rip in it. 

He absolutely loves to run his hands through its fur when relaxing.

Bruno, as the Capo, is a very busy man. Often, his stress builds up, whether it be from a mission or taking care of the other 6 children gangsters, and he just needs a moment to be vulnerable. Although he doesn't show it very easily, as your relationship progresses, he asks if you can "lend" your stand sometimes. He goes to more private places, hugs them, vents, or cries, letting his emotions out. 

After having many of his hair clippers stolen by Narancia to put on your stand, Bruno gives one for your stand to use. He also sews a zipper from Sticky Fingers.

Bruno also likes to talk with your stand.

"Good morning, Y/N, and you too, [stand name]," he says, caressing its fur.

It has also made Bruno cry a couple of times. On days when he was very stressed, it just offered a hug, and Bruno reciprocated, shedding a few tears, proceeding to thank it.

In fights, both your stands make a good team, as Sticky Fingers can open your stand and place any valuable or sensitive items inside it, protecting them. 

Leone Abbacchio

At first, Leone pretends not to care that much. In fact, while the two of you don't have much of a connection, Leone won't have many reactions or interactions with your stand. But as your relationship evolves, Leone will slowly but certainly loosen up with your stand.

He will start out by caressing its short fur when away from others or laying his head on its shoulder. Even if sometimes you are away (you can still tell what is going on, as you can feel it). He then starts to get more physical, laying his head, then his torso, and slowly relaxing.

Let's agree, that man doesn't get much sleep for whatever reason it may be, so he frequently takes a nap on your stand when no one is around (although you can feel it). 

When Abbacchio comes back home drunk, he lays down and sleeps on it.

Overall, as your relationship progresses, Abbacchio feels more and more comfortable with your teddy. So, when he's already comfortable talking about his problems, he goes to your teddy, hugs it, and rants about his problems, which you can hear. 

There are very few wine droplets on your teddy bear from those nights Abbacchio comes home drunk.

Sometimes, when away from you, he likes to use Moody Blues to lay on it and find some comfort."

Narancia Ghirga

Certainly, the one who has the most fun with it.

Narancia was very excited the first time he met your stand. He ran towards it with arms open, jumped, threw himself at it, and hugged it as it fell back. "It's so soft!" he exclaimed, caressing the teddy bear's fur.

Narancia loves its fur and really likes to tug and play with it, making silly patterns. 

He also enjoys sleeping on it and uses it as a sofa and a pillow. He's definitely attached to it 24/7 and even tries to give it food, shoving it into its stitched and sewn mouth.

Narancia also has a lot of fun trying to dress your stand, putting it in shirts that are huge and still too small, and placing little hair accessories on its fur, such as bows and hair clips (he even stole some from Bruno to place on it). He and Mista do this together.

Narancia saw Fugo stitching on your stand, so he and Fugo spent some time together, as Fugo tried to teach him to stitch. After some stabs on the cheeks and hands, he is able to stitch a poorly drawn plane with "Aerosmith" written on the side.

Like Abbacchio, your stand is a source of comfort for Narancia. That's why he's constantly hugging it, seeking the attention and care he didn't really get in his younger years.

Guido Mista

At first, Mista is very scared and untrustful of it, but soon he loses his fears and grows to like it very much. When he first sees it, he's very shocked and scared.

"HEH!? WHAT IS THAT!?!?" he yelps the shock causing him to make his figure smaller and take a few steps back.

'It is just [stand name],' you say as Mista approaches the teddy bear, placing a hand on its eyelids and opening them, inspecting it with a very investigative face. He furrows his eyebrows and, when he is done, crosses his arms in front of his chest.

'Yeah, but it's so strange that-' Mista stops mid-sentence as he's embraced by your stand's hug and falls along with it, laying his head on its belly.

'Y/N!!! What are YOU... doing?' The last word is said softly as Mista relaxes and snuggles against your stand.

'Okay, it isn't that bad,' he says as he finishes snuggling and is now finally relaxed. You let out a small laugh. 'I told you.'

After meeting your stand for the first time, Mista talks to it, even if it doesn't answer back.

'You know, big guy, at first I didn't like you, but we're on good terms, yeah?' Guido says, with his head laid on your stand's belly.

After fights and just overall tiring days, Mista likes to sleep and rest on your stand. The Sex Pistols also really like your stand; they like to play on it, climbing on it and using it as a slide, and, just like Mista, sometimes rest on it. The Sex Pistols like to sew with loose strings on your teddy bear.

He and the Sex Pistols are deffinetly the reson for most of your stand's rips and loose stitches.

[critter-genfic-events]

Hurt/Comfort Fic Recs!

This week, we have thirteen hurt/comfort fics recced! Some emotional hurt/comfort, some physical whump, and sometimes combinations of the two. Check them out under the cut, and as ever, comment or kudos if you like them!

those that crawl and flutter towards the sun by vietbluecoeur (vietbluefic) (6163,Not Rated) Warnings: Major Character Death, Very Mild Insect Imagery, Mortality and Discussions Thereof, Sad & Gentle Ending Pairings: Jester Lavorre & Essek Thelyss

Essek has always been warned not to touch the creatures, called the in’luthin, "insects" with a lifespan of three days, but what harm is there in just looking? And anyways, when has Essek ever been one to listen?

Reccer says: From the very first words, this fic has such a luxurious weight to it. Some of the Mighty Nein appear, but this is definitively a story between AroAce Essek and AroAce Jester as bittersweet as the tags imply, only less bitter and more longing, and definitely, definitely sweet.

Spit, elbow grease, and a whole lot of gold by Multifandom_damnation (2006,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Ashton Greymoore & Milo Krook

The Nobodies dump Ashton off on Milo's table, and Milo does his best to fix him

Reccer says: Milo voices all of my rage at Ashton's treatment wonderfully. The fic also does a great job of managing the actual process of fixing him, along with all of the emotions involved as well

Philia, Is That You? by Professor_Rye (2034,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Yasha & Mollymauk

Yasha gets hurt protecting Mollymauk from assholes, and the Mollymauk helps Yasha make sure she's actually okay

Reccer says: QPRs my beloved

Crowned Teeth (or, An Offering Revoked) by fruitzbat (130570,Mature) Warnings: Frank depictions of PTSD/galley slavery Pairings: Kingsley Tealeaf/Original Character

Kingsley is mutinied against and sold into slavery halfway across the world. He breaks out, finds out the mutiny was the inside job to end all inside jobs, and makes his survival everyone else's problem.

Reccer says: I really, really like the way that this series explores different kinds of hurt and trauma, and how those kinds of hurt affect people's relationships and self-image. The first and second fics in the series are the most direct about the subject, but the third has a lot about what it means to lose a parental figure and complicated grief/trauma response stuff that I found really refreshing. Characters are messy and non-linear in their healing, and do their best to take care of each other. There's a lot of...I don't know how to say this, but a very no-bullshit look at the concept of the power of love that is this through-thread through the stories. Anyway, I really like them.

Trust by silversky (403,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Caleb & Nott

Nott is sick and delirious, but thankfully there is someone there to make sure she's okay.

Reccer says: the fic is very soft and warm

Scar Tissue by Belphegor (0,Teen) Warnings: scars, canon-typical violence, reference to main character death (and resurrection) Pairings: Scanlan Shorthalt/Pike Trickfoot

Sometimes surviving means learning to live with the scars that killed you. Pike knows a lot about that. Scanlan is still learning. (a little comics set a bit post-Campaign 1.)

Reccer says: Author here - sorry, I usually don't shamelessly self-plug like that, but I set out to write and draw post-campaign 1 hurt/comfort dealing with Pike's and Scanlan's different resurrection-related traumas, and I poured my entire heart into it. (turns out making comics is hard but totally worth it.)

I've Held You in the Plan by CitizenMocha (4015,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Vex & Vax

After all is said and done with the Apogee Solstice and its aftermath, Vox Machina free Vax from the Malleus Key. The twins are reunited. Rest, reflection, and a revelation about what happens next ensue.

Reccer says: Vex's grief is palpable throughout the entire fic, even as--especially as, actually--she's reunited with Vax. It's a heartaching yet triumphant look at what might happen when the events of C3 are all said and done. There's so many little details woven in that serve to make it pack even more of a punch ("Vax Speed" does so many things to my heart) and the dynamic between all of Vox Machina is wonderful as well.

The Night is Starting to Ache by CitizenMocha (3872,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Gwendolyn De Rolo & Vax De Rolo & Percy De Rolo

Set after episode 76 of campaign 3. It's the middle of the night and Gwendolyn is afraid to sleep.

Reccer says: I loved this glimpse of an older Percy as a loving, indulgent father doing his best to comfort his child.

maybe then my breath could embody by lunarblazes (1331,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings: Caduceus & Calliope Clay

Calliope and Caduceus have a fun bonding moment about the fucked up shit that happens when you leave home

Reccer says: There's so many little details I love in this, it's perfectly in character, and I love their sibling not-quite-comforting each other dynamic

a garden in the stars by wanderingBasilisk (2264,General) Warnings: None Pairings: Caduceus & Fjord

Caduceus stays back on the Nein's spaceship while the others run errands on a space station. When Fjord gets overstimulated from the crowds there, Jester brings him back to the ship and to Cad, who knows just what his friend needs.

Reccer says: It's very atmospheric (the description of the garden on board the Nein Heroez is So Evocative) and the familiarity and care between Cad and Fjord is so lovely and sweet. The time they've spent together and the comfort of a well-worn routine is apparent throughout the whole fic and comes together in the sweetest way.

Canities Subita: An Exploration of Self-Image by oversteepedearlgrey (1760,Teen) Warnings: Choose not to warn Pairings: Percy & Vox Machina

Percy hates looking in the mirror. He keeps his hair short and out of his face. He can’t wear his glasses during haircuts, and he certainly can’t be the one cutting it. It takes a creek, a bear, and a panic attack to find out why.

Reccer says: Percy is wonderful for hurt comfort, but I love the way that this is handling something that is more emotionally distressing than physically painful.

A Pirate's Bounty of Gold Doubloons by bluegreenamber (1823,Mature) Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence Pairings: Kingsley & Yussa

Kingsley hadn't been expecting any company today, especially not a powerful (and injured) elven wizard seeking refuge.

Reccer says: It's a really fun pairing!

Miles to Go by Crewe (3621,Teen) Warnings: None Pairings:

After a grueling battle, Vox Machina is hours away from the nearest cleric racing to get an unconscious Keyleth to Pike before poison takes its toll. Scanlan is hiding an injury to keep attention on Keyleth. It’s maybe a little worse than he expected.

Reccer says: Lovely fic where everyone is perfectly in-character, and the humour and tension are balanced just right, as are the worry and deflection (on both sides). Special mention to the Scanlan & Grog and Vex & Scanlan pairings, those add just the necessary acid-sweet icing on the h/c cake!

This is one of our weekly communally-generated gen rec lists. Every week we announce a new theme and allow anyone to submit a fic recommendation. Please note that the summary and content notes are provided by the reccer, and may be different than what the author has provided. Please assume good intentions all around. <3

And hey, anyone includes you!

Next week, we'll be featuring Yasha!

Then, it'll be clothes, time skip/future fics, and pranks!

Any fics coming to mind?  Well, then use this form to submit!

If you're looking for some more, check out some fics written in the critter genfic bingo tag, or the older rec lists! Or you can request your own card and join in on the fun!

[afyrian]

ch. 1 - july 2 masterlist

    "the video's doing well, my dear," you peek into rintarō's room, raising your eyebrows at the rear end of your sentence.

  he looks up from his computer, pulling his headphones off of his ears. his hair is flattened down slightly by the headband and the time spent with them on. rin's eyes are wide as he sits forward in his chair. sometimes he can become so consumed by his editing and live streaming that things happening around him can get out of focus, "yes?"

  "the video is like... really popular. like more views than anything i've ever made. i mean, it's insane," you lean against the doorframe, head resting against the wood.

  a smile smile forms on his face, overtaking the smile that you try to hide by biting your lip. unlike his personality in his years of high school and volleyball, he’s become more open. the way he engages in conversation and smiles more. you can’t help but hope that you were the cause of that (or possibly the twin’s years of wearing him down).

  "so, i was thinking we could celebrate with a little something in the kitchen, honey," you reach a hand out, walking over to where his desk is. 

  rintarō narrows his eyes, taking in a deep breath, "well, how can i deny my darling wife?"

  for a split second, when you hear him call you darling and his 'wife', it almost sounds genuine. the way his tone doesn't care the same as your sarcastic one. however, you ignore it as you focus on the surprise you've planned. he holds out a hand and grabs ahold of yours, letting you pull him out of the room and to the kitchen.

  the hallway is decorated with a few balloons and sets of streamers. rin looks around and wonders if maybe he should turn down the volume of his headphones. someone could rob the rest of the house and he probably wouldn't be able to tell. but this surprise is a much better one. especially when he notices the poorly crafted cake on the countertop.

  it's got the stature and potential for an amazing cake. however, the icing is poorly spread about and the piping could use a little work. little swirls covers the sides of them and in cursive writing it says 'sorry we're married' with hearts all over. it was the only way you could think of to say sorry again. you lean against the counter, letting go of rintarō's hand and slide it towards him.

  "you know i'm okay with it, right?" he turns to look at you, hand raising so it's just barely touching your elbow.

  your shoulders drop and you let out a sigh. the problem is that he's always okay with the things you do, and then you can't tell when he really isn't okay. especially the stoic appearance masking his typical emotions. "i just- i want you to find love just like anyone else. and this next year, that'll be a little awkward," you purse your lips, leaning into his touch slightly. 

  "thank you, but you don't need to worry. we're what? twenty two? trust me, i'll have the love of my life eventually, whether i've known her for years or just met her," he shrugs his shoulders, hair returning back to its normal appearance, "but, i will still absolutely eat this apology cake."

  "well considering it's your favorite, i would hope so..."

  "now i definitely have to eat it, sugar," the playful tone finally returns to his voice and you can take a breath out knowing that he's okay, his hand even raises and rests on your far shoulder. 

  it definitely feels odd knowing you have a legal partner, real or not. you're bound to some contract that doesn't feel real and feels real all the same. however, as you stare at rintarō hovering over the cake with a knife in hand, eyes flickering between you and the cake, it's easy to see this being easy. maybe not for everyone, but being married to rintarō so far is pretty easy.

a/n: the next ones should be longer

[linkspooky]

Hi there, I was rereading your Maki Zenin fanfic (Tyler Durden and the Culling Game piece). I must say when I read it the first time reading it, the way you depict her mentality, emotion, and actions. It was so emotionally draining and at the same time cathartic as it reminded me of myself back then and now still (well minus mass murdering all lotta people). But also surprised me, cause I have never this depiction of her after Shibuya Incident. But over time as I look at your analysis on various characters and paid attention to her upbringing by rereading the manga chapters focused on her, I realized the way she behaves in the Culling Games after what happen to her throughout her life. She is kind of stable??? Regardless, even though she is already my all-time favorite character. Your depictions of her makes me love her character even more as I actually relate to her more and felt those similar feelings. But I'm glad she is alive and is doing ok near the end of the manga, so I wanna ask. What do you think about her character now since JJK is VERY close to its end? And how do you feel about where she is right now as of Chapter 269. Sorry for the long ramble, I might ask more lol.

Thank you so much for your ask! That reminds me I need to start updating my culling games fic again sometime soon. For anyone curious the ask is about THIS YUTAMAKI FIC HERE.

Maki's kind of a hard character to talk about because even though Maki is clearly one of my favorite characters to explore in fic, and I love to dive deep into her motivations and inner struggles in the fanfics I write every time I criticize her writing in canon a little bit her fans jump me.

So instead I'm going to share one recent Maki scene I really liked, and one little tweak I think would have made both Yuta and Maki's character endings perfect.

You're right, for a lifelong abuse victim who just murdered her family Maki seems oddly stable all throughout the culling games. I no longer think this is a Maki specific problem, but rather a Jujutsu Kaisen problem. Basically, post Shibuya most of the character conflicts in between characters are dropped so everyone can work seamlessly together as a part of one big team.

This is a storytelling choice on Gege's so he could eventually set up for the Shinjuku Showdown fight, it'd be impossible for everyone to keep jumping in and out of the fight if people kept stopping to argue and have interpersonal conflicts in the middle of it.

If your name wasn't Megumi or Yuji, then basically all your personal hangups, your self-reflection, all got dropped. Which now it kind of makes sense why the audience was yelling at Megumi for not being able to immediately get over his sister's death, like in comparison none of the other characters spend any time at all dwelling on personal issues because Gege needs them to move to the next fight.

I'm not complaining, I'm just saying this is how Gege chose to write his characters post Shibuya, most personal conflicts got dropped for story reasons.

However, there was one moment that made me really get on board with Maki's writing again, and it was a... you guessed it moment of personal conflict.

This moment where Yuta is bringing up the idea of body swapping with Gojo before the group, and Maki despite being firmly against it is unable to do or say anything substantive to stop Yuta.

It's the first time I've seen that yeah, Maki is still in fact reeling from the loss of Mai. It doesn't really show most of the time on the surface, but Maki's always been like that - like an island able to stand strong without the support of anyone else. It is her strength, and also her greatest weakness.

Remember, the last time someone she loved walked away from her and decided to sacrifice their body and autonomy so they could become a weapon for the greater good Maki wasn't able to say or do anything to convince Mai to stay with her and stay by her side too.

There's the parallel with Maki and Sukuna, that Sukuna chose to devour his own twin in the womb in order to survive and therefore gained a body perfect for sorcerery. When Mai died, Maki gained a body just like Toji's.

Maki carved everything away in order to become a true void, but unlike Sukuna she didn't do it by choice.

We know she wouldn't willingly sacrifice Mai. She begged Mai to stay. Yet, she kind of did choose to sacrifice Mai with every choice she made before that. Maki chose being a Jujutsu Sorcerer over Mai every single time, to the point where when it counted she couldn't do anything to convince Mai to stay.

Maki consumed her twin and became a monster like Sukuna, a true void. She didn't choose to do it per se, but every choice she made leading up to that point indicated to Mai that Maki would rather be strong on her own then weak together with Mai. That Maki is someone like Gojo, and like Sukuna meant to stand strong all alone. Maki is an island and that is her greatest strength and her greatest flaw.

As when it happens again and someone she loves is about to become a monster, she can't find the words to convince Yuta to stay with her on the beach instead of walking into the ocean the same way she couldn't find the words to stop Mai. After all, Maki is someone who chose to become a monster like Toji after losing everything else, what right does she have to stop Yuta from becoming a monster too?

How could she possibly stop him from walking the path she walked? I think it's telling to thde depths of her love that Maki who values being a sorcerer above everything else, would have rather had both Mai and Yuta stay human and stay with her, but also telling of her complete inability to express that love.

It's "You're too important to us" because the words "You're too important to me," doesn't occur to Maki in both cases with Yuta and Mai, because Maki is an island. She can keep going on even after Mai and Yuta are gone even if she doesn't want to.

So here is the one change I would make the Maki's endgame to make her and Yuta's character arcs perfect. I would just have Yuta not be able to come back from Gojo's body. Otherwise, Yuta being magically fixed after the fact makes that whole plot twist kind of inconsequential and as much as I love Yuta in Gojo's body it kind of just seems to exist for shock-value now considering how easily it was resolved.

Yuta not coming back would provide a consequence for Yuta defiling Gojo's body, and also in general give the perfect bittersweet ending to both him and Maki's arcs. They both chose to become monsters in the end to defeat Sukuna, and as a result Maki is standing alone at the strongest. It would also provide the perfect parallel to this scene with Geto and Gojo. You could even have Maki musing on how she was left behind again. There's a pretty big parallel to Maki and Gojo both being people who seemingly don't need anyone because they're so strong and self-sufficient and yet they crumble at the idea of the one person they've always been relying on walking away from them.

It would also parallel Megumi and Itadori as well, because the reason that itadori is eventually able to reach Megumi is specifically because unlike everyone else he refused to give up his humanity to defeat Sukuna.

You could have a really heartbreaking parallel of three generations of friendships broken apart by the Jujutsu World. Satosugu, and YutaMaki aren't able to reach each other and stay together, but finally by never giving up on reaching out towards one another Megumi and Itadori are both able to find each other again after the world and Sukuna pulled them apart.

I do enjoy this scene a lot - especially the parts where Maki seems borderline arrogant by insisting she could have done things all on her own and if they went with her plan instead of Yuta's then they would have suffered far less losses. Especially since Maki's not genuinely trying to chew Yuta out here, she just knows no other way to express her worry over him besides being hyper aggressive and confrontational.

It still shows that Maki's personality problems are all still there, she loves people a lot but she loves people from afar and can't admit to needing them but like I'm just saying we could have had THE UTLIMATE DOOMED LOVERS ending for YutaMaki.

[rea-grimm]

Android Mihawk

Mihawk has been by your side since you were born. Your father wanted you to guarantee protection against anyone who would harm his only child. At the time, Mihawk was the only android of his kind. An android swordsman with the ability to evolve and have his personality and emotions.

Robotics was at a turning point at the time, and even though it has now advanced tremendously, no other has been produced to surpass it in its direction.

 In addition, he was the only one of his kind, because while trying to create other models of him, something went wrong, or some of his plans were lost, and it was no longer possible to create more copies of him.

He was unique and made the perfect guardian. Which he was. When he was by your side, no one would dare to touch you. And those daredevils who tried their luck and wanted to rob you or harm you in some way soon felt the extent of their mistake.

Sometimes a single stern look was enough, which gave the chills. If he couldn't look, his hand turned into a longsword made of black steel that was incredibly rare and could cut through anything that stood in its way.

You have been in competitions with Mihawk since you were little. From a mere exhibition to a robot fencing tournament. He also received his title as The strongest robot swordsman in the world. No human or robot could match him in swordsmanship.

To you, however, he wasn't just an ordinary machine fulfilling the role of bodyguard assigned to him by your family. He was so much more to you. As he has accompanied you since time immemorial, you have developed a bond with him.

He was your closest friend, and confessor and was there for you in the most difficult moments, such as changing schools or the death of your mother. He was there for you when everyone left you. Over the years, as you grew up, you developed a crush on him and secretly hoped it could be something more.

Although Mihawk was a robot that could show and feel emotions, it sometimes seemed like an older model that didn't have this feature yet. He didn't show much emotion on the outside and seemed cold, but you knew how to read his expressions.

They were subtle and fleeting expressions and gestures that the untrained eye did not notice. Then in private, when it was just the two of you, he showed them even more.

Over the past few days, you were getting the impression that one of his eyes was shining brighter than the other. As if it was gradually losing its strength. At first, you kept it to yourself because you didn't want to make a camel out of a mosquito and maybe it was just the bad light in the room or your imagination.

You stared at him so long and intensely that even he didn't miss it. That's why you decided it would be better if you told him about it. However, Android only waved hands that it was nothing. You trusted him, after all, he would know if there was a problem with him.

Despite that, however, you had your concerns, as his eye glowed less and less until it finally went out completely. Although it still had its yellow colour, it was so faint that it looked blind.

It didn't even seem like it because you noticed Mihawk was looking around a lot more. This was not his habit. Before you even wanted to ask him if he could see that eye, you decided to see if you had his eye in the spare parts store somewhere.

You were sorting things in the warehouse and found out. How you had few spare parts from him. What if something else broke on it? You didn't want to jinx it, but you started to fear the worst.

“You don't have to worry so much about one eye. I can see well without it and I can still protect you,” Mihawk said as he entered the room.

“But…” you wanted to object, but he walked over to you and overtook you.

"It's just an eye. It's nothing an android can't handle. Don't worry about it unnecessarily," he said calmly as if it was nothing.

"This is not useless. I care about you and I like your eyes,” you admitted. How could he say such a thing? You surprised him a little with that. Mihawk moved closer to you but before he could convince you otherwise, you hugged him. You wanted him to know how important he was to you.

“Just so you know, I won't just let you fall apart,” you added with determination.

“I know,” he smiled weakly, hugging you too and kissing your hair. He was well aware of your feelings for him, but even though they were androids almost like humans, there was still a huge gap between them. Therefore, he did not want to expose you to unnecessary stress and pain from those around you.

You looked for his eye in every shop around. You tried looking in factories where they had a lot of spare parts, in pawnshops... Simply everywhere you could. Unfortunately for you, they didn't have the right eye or at least one that was compatible with it.

Every time you found a place where they could have his eye, you were lured in and looked forward to the ultimate success, only to have the disappointment of failure bring you to your knees.

You were bursting with positive energy from the beginning, but with each passing failure, your smile was fading, replaced by worry. Still, you keep trying. This was also noticed by Mihawk, who was very well aware of his situation and how it weighed on you. He decided on his plan to ensure your safety in the event of the worst.

You returned from another failed hunt for his eye when Mihawk took you aside saying he wanted to show you something. The android took you to a room with a holographic projector. He turned it on and several androids appeared in the room. They all belonged to the newer models.

"While you're looking for replacement parts for me, I've taken the liberty of finding you a new protector in case I suffer other, much more serious malfunctions," he said quite calmly. He blew you away with that.

"There are several models that look decent. I would recommend the model named Zoro the most. I see potential in him,” he turned to you and showed you an android model with green hair and three swords. How could he do this to you? You refused to admit such a thing.

"But he doesn't have a GPS and has zero orientation, he'd get lost before he could save me," you replied irritably. This did not escape the swordsman, but he chose to ignore it. Instead, he showed you another model that had a single longsword, had circles under his eyes and sideburns with a short beard.

"This model is a passable swordsman and his advantage is knowledge and ability to apply medicine," he said and you had the impression as if you were somewhere at an auction or in a shop where they were trying to force something on you for a bargain price.

Mihawk showed you a few more androids, including one in a female version, but you didn't want any of them. You rejected all his proposals and found an excuse for them all. It wasn't that you didn't like them, but you simply didn't want anyone else. In addition, with each subsequent model, it angered you more and more.

"I don't want anyone else!" you blew up at the next model. You couldn't take it anymore. "Can't you see that I don't want anyone else? I care about you… I love you,” you barely managed the last two words.

It was too much for you. Tears welled up in your eyes and you weren't going to wait for his answer. Instead, you wiped away the forming tears and ran to your room.

Mihawk stood there for a long time with the controller, which was crushed to a pulp. He didn't like that he was looking for new protectors for you either. He also had deep feelings for you, but you should keep it to yourself. Not for android.

You lay in bed letting your tears flow. Why didn't anything go the way you wanted? You knew there would come a time when you would have to get a new protector, but you didn't want it to be this soon.

Plus, the way he was giving it to you hurt your heart. How could he take it so calmly and coolly? Even so, your heart still pulled you towards him.

You finally stopped crying and were just lying on the bed resting when there was a knock. You lazily lifted your head to see Mihawk walk in along with a bottle of your favourite wine and two glasses. Even after all these years, you didn't understand how he was able to turn alcohol into energy.

"I know it wasn't unpleasant for you, I'm sorry for that, but understand that I want the best for you," he said and poured you a glass. You took it from him and made room for him on the bed, so he sat beside you. You leaned against him and rested your head on his shoulder.

"I also want to apologize. I know you're right. I shouldn't have slammed like that,” you said weakly.

“You have nothing to apologize for,” he said softly, leaning down and placing a soft kiss on your cheek, tickling your beard lightly. After that, you didn't talk about it anymore and instead, you just relaxed.

Even though you knew you might never find a replacement eye for Mihawk, you didn't give up. You did take into account his request when he was looking for a new guard android for you, but only in case of the worst.

You wrote to all possible shops and private collectors to see if luck would smile on you. You were slowly coming to terms with the fact that you would never find his eye when one of the merchants finally spoke to you.

He had a few spare parts from Mihawk in his collection and helped sell them to you. You weren't going to leave anything to chance and decided to buy everything.

You were very happy about it. You almost dropped the phone you received the email from. A huge smile spread across your face and you immediately had to tell him the great news.

He was happy about the new news, but he was even happier that you were smiling again. You hadn't laughed heartily for so long that he was starting to worry.

Since then, you've been impatiently waiting every day for the said parts to finally arrive. The first thing that came to you was a small box in which you knew exactly what would be in it. It was the part you wanted the most right now.

You carefully opened the box and took out an eye with a golden iris from inside wearing gloves. It was just the right colour with a black stripe down the middle. You carefully put the eye back so it wouldn't break.

You immediately started looking for a specialist who would install the eye correctly and you managed to book it for the same day. You were so excited that you didn't want to wait another minute.

You were with him the entire time of the exchange and it was surreal to see both of his eyes now glow the same. You paid the specialist for the replacement and went to the car.

As soon as the door closed behind you, you looked at him with a big smile. You stood on your tiptoes and kissed him on the lips. You've wanted to do this for so long, but you never got around to it.

It wasn't a long kiss and when you pulled away, your cheeks were red. You didn't pull away for long though, as it was Mihawk who pulled you back.

He grabbed the back of your head with one hand and the other around your waist and captured your lips in a kiss. He was much more dominant and lustful than you. Also, his lips were so hot that you completely forgot that he was an android and that unlike you, he didn't need to breathe.

When he finally released you so you could take a deep breath, you were a red-lipped mess.

"I don't know if it's the new eye, but I can't stop looking at you. I can't resist you looking at me like that,” he said while still holding you close.

“Then you don't have to,” you breathed.

"Wait home," he smiled contentedly and pecked your lips.

"Is that a promise?" you asked with a smile. The android chuckled at that before escorting you to the car. You had something to look forward to because of that.

Mihawk Masterlist