#Lives Taken Lives Made
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A little 15 min doodle but first post of the year has to be Bingqiu!
#ok its time to get mushy in the tags because I doubt anyone would read them too closely#I’ve had severe art block for YEARS before I got into danmei in 2024#and it wasn’t that my skill was gone it’s just that I thought nothing I did was good enough#I started reading danmei around the summer of last year and I got SO INSPIRED#I dived into the fandom side of things (I haven’t been in a live fandom in years) and was so excited about all the art people were making#and writing! and music! and animatics!#everything was so bright and colorful and beautiful#and everyone had such cool designs for these book characters that I’d grown to love#so I took a chance and doodled a little Luo Binghe and posted him on here#and I was so taken aback by how welcoming and sweet the fandom was#it made me wanna keep taking chances and posting my art— because I think that’s one of the hardest things I’ve come to accept#that even if it’s not good enough for me#someone else may enjoy it#and ain’t it crazy that ive come to enjoy drawing again too#sure the interaction has been fun but it’s been even more fun experimenting with my style and experimenting with colors and rendering#and grayscale and angles#and composition and expressions#ahh!! art is so fun!! I forgot how fun it was!!#I had forgotten how much I loved to draw!!#and the fandom— so many ideas are exchanged and I’ve met some of the loveliest people thru the sv fandom!#tgcf too but they’re a little less chill lmao#anyways#I’ve set up a little spot in the fandom and I plan to keep at it here it’s very nice and cozy and funny and warm#huge thanks to everyone for being so kind and welcoming#and an even bigger thanks to anyone who’s interacted with my art#I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that someone took the time out of their day to like/repost these silly little doodles I post#incredible. ok bye for now :)#svsss#bingqiu#hoot art
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iskierka iskierkaaaaaa my honeycake my thousand-times darling i love you i love you i love you i love youuuu
#em draws stuff#em is posting about temeraire#temeraire#iskierka#john granby#caption taken Directly from the note in my art to-do list made to remind me to draw her. and also what I Said when she appeared.#little baby skierky.... one of the absolute HIGHLIGHTS of black powder war I MUST say#she is! SO LITTLE! and resents that fact!#granby gets to pick her up like little baby kitten for so short a time before the rest of their lives together#where He is the one being picked up like little baby kitten :)#the series may be called Temeraire because yes it is about Him#but at present I am here for 'babygirl murdermachine sweetiepie' iskierka and john 'skin cancer risk' granby
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You're telling me Izuku rejected the offer to see THIS guy everyday? To work alongside HIM? nah
#i can't#why was it so fucking sad for bakugo#izuku rejected the offer he made and the last scene of him walking away#and the fact that he hadn't taken in any sidekicks?#makes me wanna cry#i just hope bakugo is living the life he wanted#my goat#katsuki bakugo#bakugo katsuki#katsuki bakugou#bakugou katsuki#mha bakugou#bakugo#midoriya izuku#izuku midoriya#mha izuku#bnha izuku#bnha midoriya#mha midoriya#bkdk#dkbk#bakudeku#dekubaku#mha spoilers#my hero academia#my hero academia spoilers#mha#boku no hero academia spoilers#bnha#boku no hero academia
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Something old and borrowed (Patreon)
#Doodles#UT#Handplates#Sans#Papyrus#Gaster#Gaster is visiting again - and has once again ended up in Sans' crosshairs#Papyrus knows about it but there's only so much he can really do - reminders are good! He sees you both!#It's never really brought attention to once Gaster is back that Papyrus is wearing his childhood scarf :0#To be fair there's a lot going on at the time lol - what they're wearing is definitely low on the list of priorities#Realigning with reality > what are my children wearing#And they're wearing all of his hand-me-downs! Unwittingly but they were all his clothes other than the stuff they found and made#But the scarf was from Gaster's childhood - has Feelings attached#Not that he's getting any of what the boys have claimed as theirs back haha#It's kind of sweet that it's living a new life with Papyrus :) Sweet children wearing cool scarves!#Obviously Sans would not interpret any of Gaster's reactions charitably haha - deservedly!#But he's just looking because he's reminded of himself! Actually that probably wouldn't be taken well either lol#Can't help what he feels - and it's generally harmless :)#As long as he's good about it haha#Just avoiding another lecture by not bringing it up haha#He's learning!#Drawing little Gaster was fun too ♪ Stripes for kids! A cute little lad#Sans also disengaging - they're both improving :) - mostly because if Gaster's not up for the fight then why expend the energy#Conserve his energy in case he does and otherwise for when Papyrus gets back
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hey! I've spent the last year working on a book with my buddy lindsay dane @myskyperevenge that we're getting ready to start sharing publicly. it's about (emotional parasitism? psychic parasitism? and LOVE of course..I think you guys have a general idea about what to expect from me in terms of subject matter haha, so maybe the less i specify the better.). pdfs of the first chapter wil1 be up for free sometime next month. in the meantime, have you heard that 8tracks is working again? here are playlists for the two lead characters. a bit premature maybe, but I'm really excited to share this with you!
lynn's playlist: 8tracks | youtube
cam's playlist: 8tracks | youtube
#lucy art#the grief complex#playlists are era-specific -- they were made in 2006 by someone specific#questions comments concerns about their glorious lives will likely not be as ignored as my inbox has been for the past many months#if you are so taken by a curiosity
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[oc] protectors
#comics#this is from a story i made in high school#i recently found my notes on it and its sort of taken over my life this week#chef recommended#personal#whats going on here is that syram (the dark haired woman) lives in a town that has been illegally housingthe firstborn prince of the kingdom#who ran away in order to shirk his duty to the throne as heir-apparent#velru (the one with light hair) is a high-ranking knight who directly answers to a man named ophinion#who is head of church as is common for the second-born prince. meaning hes also the runaways brother :)#velru is being blackmailed by ophinion into doing his dirty work due to threats to her family#one said job of hers is following a lead out to syrams town to find the lost prince. who she finds very easily#syram follows her out to the clearing where she goes to send her letter bc ophinion is known for his. warlord-esque tendencies.#and will almost certainly tear her town to the ground in order to get his brother back
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↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x10 - The Dark Side
#chenford#chenfordedit#the rookie#therookieedit#tim x lucy#jesuis-assez edits: chenford season 2#jesuis-assez edits: chenford#jesuis-assez edits: chenford scenes 2x10#I really didn't want to gif a single frame of Caleb. But I did want to gif this scene. So sacrifices had to be made 🤣#Absolute INSANE behavior Tim. INSANE! and yet justified given how much of a piece of sh-- Caleb turned out to be. He had creepy vibes#from the get go. It's interesting how Tim said that Lucy hesitated with Caleb.#The only hesitancy (and frustration) I detect is this conversation taking place while Tim is there and Lucy being very aware of that.#And Tim at the end handing her the paper. Lucy observing how he's acting and how quickly he shifted into protective mode. Tim standing#there with a part of him not feeling right about this whole thing & later projecting that as Lucy being the one who didn't.#He was overwhelmed by his guilt and in such anguish. Just falling apart at the thought of losing her because he gave her advice#as a friend and not as her training officer. Something awful happening to someone else. To Lucy... collecting more guilt#and piling it on top of all the other times that happened. That someone suffered because of 'his actions'#Neither Tim or Lucy saw this sadistic monster coming. And Tim may not have suspected him...#But there was something about Caleb and that interaction that had Tim stepping into that role of the fierce protector.#And Tim isn't only emitting protective energy here...🟢 * Puts a green circle there and doesn't elaborate * Yaass queen give us nothing 🤣#The green circle of jealousy and Tim is standing inside of it.#But he's also coming across as distrustful of Caleb's intentions which is not alarming as they're in the midst of the chaos#surrounding a serial killer. It's rather expected to be that way. It's how Tim said he should've known. He should've suspected him.#He's a cop. And yet he started interrogating like a cop would & as if he were a suspect. Asking for a last name. What he does for a living.#He behaved in that way for a reason. So something definitely felt off but the need to be Lucy's friend in that moment#that he encouraged her to go out with him came before his instinct to be a cop or even her T.O .#In other words... He prioritized Lucy and what he thought she needed. He shifted the focus from the case onto her by#suggesting she focus on something else. And when she was taken... that focus on her became heightened by the gravity of the situation.#+ The EYE CONTACT. Tim & Lucy having their own private moment. The silent communication between them while Caleb rambles on#in the background about something unimportant. I have so much more to say but I've reached my tag limit 🤣*whispers with feeling* f**k..
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When the only person who might understand what happened- understand. Not sympathize or empathize or comfort you but understand what happened, isn't there anymore. Or: 'A Man Made Me Do Something I Didn't Want To', for when you can't talk about it or look it in the eye [Patreon | Commissions]
#Tuvok#Kes#comix#idk how to tag this bc of the allusion#st voy#star trek voyager#bea art tag#comix page#star trek#this is not a one to one allegory nor is it meant to be - I am specifically focusing in on the loss of bodily autonomy that occurs when#Kes and Tuvok have their bodies taken over purposefully by men for various reasons which all boil to power. 'Because I could' and Because#they thought Kes or Tuvok wouldn't be able to stop them from doing so. Because they thought they had the power to do so so why wouldn't#they? But again this is not one to one - I interpret and will continue to interpret these instances in many different ways#But something that sticks with me in canon is how 'impervious' Tuvok is made - There is that scene at the end of Warlord which#shows that Kes is affected by what just happened to her - she's confused and hurt and doesn't know what to DO now that the in-the-moment#fight is over and it's time to just keep living and Tuvok comforts her but when he will go on to be taken over again and again and again#there will be no one to comfort him - no one HE can go to - and the narrative doesn't say that there should be. Even when he's#taken over by the BORG (an experience which had a lasting traumatic impact on characters like Seven or Picard - granted they were connected#for a lot longer) this is only mentioned offhandedly. One wonders why it occured at all. There's also how the other two main Vulcans#T'Pol and Spock - when they are forced to act emotionally or are in situations that affect their emotional equilibrium there is a big deal#made about it and they are hurt and ashamed and given some degree of care and comfort by those around them but when Tuvok#is forced into similar situations it is simply assumed he'll get over it - not even just by the other characters but the narrative itself#takes it for granted Ex: 'Workforce' where he forgets ALL his Vulcan training or 'Meld' where Suder's influence#unintentionally makes him lose it and try to kill him...THOUGH I think Suder hugging an unconscious Tuvok is perhaps the closest we get to#someone comforting Tuvok after he's been through that sort of ordeal. I'm not saying Tuvok would WANT others to be hugging him#and offering him emotional comfort etc (he's Vulcan) but I find it interesting that the narrative assumes that the black body (even alien)#is more 'durable' than its white counterparts. 'Stronger'. Assumes that there is no interiority which recoils and sustains the damage#when hurt. That there is nothing worth exploring because there is no impact from the impact. A crater lands and the Soil beneath it is#untouched
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HISPANIC HERITAGE MONTH + BAND OF BROTHERS:
JOSEPH "JOE" RAMIREZ
Born October 5th, 1921, in Nebraska
Died April 8th, 1988 (age 66), in Martinez, California
Joe Ramirez enlisted in September 1942 (age 20) in San Francisco, CA, and he trained with Easy Company at Toccoa. Holding the rank of Private, he served in Normandy, Holland, and Bastogne. He was hospitalized in January 1945, and discharged in July 1945. After the war, he was married for many years, and had children and grandchildren. When he passed away he was buried with his wife, who had passed away 11 years earlier. Further information about him is scarce, but the brief character profile in the Band of Brothers series bible describes him as Mexican-American, and his personality as "sensitive and nervous."
Appears in Episodes 1, 3-8, and 10; portrayed by actor Rene L. Moreno
Sources below
A million thanks to @bleedingcoffee42 for tracking down this info for me!
#joe ramirez#joseph ramirez#band of brothers#rene l. moreno#mine: gifs#hispanic heritage month#latino heritage month#sources vary on whether he was a Private or PFC#they seem to have taken A LOT of creative liberties on the show bc#the only 2 anecdotes about him in BoB seem pretty diff from his character on-screen#not to mention that he would've been in the hospital during events of episodes 8 and 10 (each of which he's in several scenes)#on the other hand i do really like his character in the show and think he's one of the best and most underrated background characters#and why yes i am completely normal about him 😅#but also i'm sure he would've been great too if they'd made him more accurate to what limited info exists about the IRL guy#I forgot to save a few of the documents that bleedingcoffee42 sent me unfortunately but these are most of them!#but from one of them (his draft card?) i discovered he lived like 1.5 miles from my grandparents!!#(tho of course they moved there in the 50s so who knows if he was still living at same address by then... but still!)#oops i originally had the episodes he's in listed wrong on this#so AFAIK he's only NOT in eps 2 and 9#in ep 1 he's twirling a knife at the beginning and eating spaghetti next to Guarnere and Malarkey and playing basketball in England#in ep 6 he's eating the bean soup near the line when Sink arrives#in 7 he's sitting next to popeye and then in the church at the end (maybe in Foy but i'm not positive)#in ep 3 i thiiiink he's in Carentan next to Buck? and he's at the party in England sitting next to Lipton and listening to Gordon#in 4 he's in too many scenes to list here#in 8 he's in too many to list#in 10 he's hunting for food with the group and standing next to Grant's shooter when Speirs comes in the room
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Guys did you know today is the birthday of the loml (and their snake familiar)
#happy birthday asra congrats on living on my mind rent-free for another year!#I have many asra wips and sketches but I'm.... gatekeeping#most of them asra/apprentice tho#little rant ahead bc I think I'll always be a bit salty about it-#I haven't touched the fandom in a while bc. honestly bc I dislike Dorian#so I don't feel like engaging in anything near them#honestly at this point I've taken Asra and turned him into an oc like I gave him a makeover/kinda redesign#and kind of made a backstory not connected to the game for him and my apprentice oc...#honestly if I gave him a new name he'd def pass for a real oc-#anyway I miss the arcana and the good part of the fandom. the part that left... the friends I made in the fanfom 😔#i'm still in touch with most of them I'm just a bit dramatic#asra the arcana#asra alnazar#the arcana#asra the magician
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walter white from breaking bad
Walter Hartwell White (Breaking Bad) is an Anime Girl!
#my name is walter hartwell white. i live at 308 negra arroyo lane albuquerque new mexico 87104. this is my confession. if youre watching thi#s tape im probably dead. murdered by my brother in law hank schrader. hank has been building a meth empire for over a year and using me as#is chemist. shortly after my 50th birthday hank came to me with a rather shocking proposition. he asked that i use my chemistry knowledge t#cook methamphetamine which he would then sell using his connections in the drug world. connections that he made through his career with the#DEA. i was... astounded. i always thought that hank was a very moral man and i was thrown. confused. but i was also particularily vulner#able at the time. something he knew and took advantage of. i was reeling from a cancer diagnosis that was poised to bankrupt my family. han#took me on a ride along and showed me just how much money even a small meth operation could make. and i was weak. i didnt want my family to#go into financial ruin so i agreed. every day i think back at that moment with regret. i quickly realized that i was in way over my head an#hank had a partner. a man named gustavo fring. a business man. hank essentially sold me into servitude to this man and when i tried to quit#fring threatened my family. i didnt know where to turn. eventually hank and fring had a falling out. from what i can gather hank was always#pushing for a greater share of the business to which fring flatly refused to give him and things escalated. fring was able to arrange uh i#uess you could call it a hit. on my brother in law. and failed but hank was seriously injured. and i ended up paying his medical bills whic#amounted to a little over 177000. upon recovery hank was bent on revenge working with a man named hector salamanca. he plotted to kill frin#and did so. in fact the bomb that he used was built by me and he gave me no option in it. i have often contemplated suicide but i am a cowa#d. i wanted to go to the police but i was frightened. hank had risen in the ranks to become head of the DEA and about that time to keep me#n line he took my children. for 3 months he kept them.my wife who up until that point had no idea of my criminal activities was horrified t#learn what i had done. why hank had taken our children. we were scared. i was in hell i hated myself for what i had brought upon my family.#recently i tried once again to quit to end this nightmare and in response he gave me this. i cant take this anymore. i live in fear every#ay that hank will kill me or worse hurt my family. i... all i could think to do was make this video in hope that the world will finally see#this man for what he really is.#breaking bad#walter white#your fave is an anime girl#your fave is#hall of fame
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THE WORLD, FULL OF INFINITE POSSIBILITIES
aurelia aquareine (she/her), sage of alchemy — cheerful // creative // perfectionist
general: face skinblend // facekit 1 // facekit 2 // face highlights (highlight N1) // face undertones // hairline // brows // eye preset // lashes // eye base // eye sparkle // eyeshadow (eyeshadows N9 glitter only) // eyeliner // blush—... hey, where did it go? // mouth corners // teeth // body preset // skinblend (skin N13 overlay) // skin tints // nails // wrist tattoo everyday: hair (my wedding stories) // hat (helia hat V3) // earrings // choker // dress // boots formal: hair (my wedding stories) // earrings // necklace // lipstick // dress (high school years) // arm bracelet (realm of magic) // shoes (base game) athletic: hair (fashima fro) & headwrap overlay // earrings (base game) // top (throwback fit) // shorts (daisy shorts V1) // socks (artemis socks) // shoes (incheon arrivals) sleep: bonnet (V2) // robes (vintage glamour) // shoes (spa day) party: hair (lisa low fro) // earrings (ashley earrings) // necklace (poolside splash) // lipstick // dress (naomi dress) // bracelets // shoes swimwear: hair (pam puff V1) // top (island living) // bottom (base game) // bracelet (base game) // feet hot weather: hair (penny puff V3) // earrings (base game) // top (eco lifestyle) // shorts (realm of magic) // bracelet (base game) // shoes (incheon arrivals) cold weather: hair (lisa low fro) // hat (seasons) // earrings // coat // gloves (get to work) // shoes (get together) extras: poses 1 & potion // poses 2 // poses 3 // realm of magic icons rip
thank you! — @atomiclight, @pyxiidis, @okruee, @ddarkstonee, @serawis, @sayasims, @meghewlett, @obscurus-sims, @miikocc, @pralinesims, @xiamdeathx, @goppolsme, @squea, @magic-bot, @crilender, @ms-marysims, @clumsyalienn, @raccoonium, @philosimy, @mysteriousdane, @crypticsim, @sheabuttyr, @aharris00britney, @ayoshi, @mapleseed, @qwertysims, @arethabee, @sentate, @lady-moriel, @makesims, @dearie-sim, @hula-zombie
#terribly sorry about her hair blending into the background in the lookbook pics by the way. i've never taken screenshots in live mode before#anyway. got bored so i tried my hand at an alchemy sage#i actually tried keeping her at roughly the same level of extravagance as the other three sages' official designs so she could#somewhat reasonably stand next to them. otherwise i would've made her far more elaborate what with being a sage and all#that being said i am very proud of how she turned out in the end though#the sims 4#ts4#ts4 simblr#simblr#ts4 spellcaster#spellcaster#ts4 sage#realm of magic sage#ts4 lookbook#lookbook#sim: aurelia aquareine#snag's sim tag#...as a bonus treat for reading the tags this far i'll let you in on a secret#aurelia's first name means 'the golden one' referencing gold's alchemical significance and perfection#whereas her last name aquareine is the name of a character from the wizard of oz novels (like how L. faba's name is a reference to elphaba)#AND is a reference to the name of the aqua regia chemical solution as well
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Hear me out guys
You know how there's a gap between Joe/Cherry and the kids right? So there's obviously going to be a gap in their slang, too...
Do you think Reki and Langa say 'I'm cooked' and then Joe says it ironically because 1) it jokingly pisses them off and 2) he thinks it's funny because he owns a restaurant.
But one day Joe sees Cherry doing smth (this is pre-relationship btw) and he whispers 'Chat am I cooked?' to himself. Everyone in a 2km radius takes 50 psychic damage.
#sk8 the infinity#sk8 joe#sk8 cherry#sk8 reki#sk8 langa#matchablossom#were so back#i was just reading a fic and everytime joe did smth down bad id be like#chat is he cooked#(he is)#and i figured he should get to express that#post made in honor of my fav matchablossom fic being taken down#rip c.e.e#u were a real one#u got me through covid#its nice to see you live on in spirit#Day 139 of hiding from my friends
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Whumpee transforms into a gun in a violent fashion after Whumper injects them with gun juice.
Bonus points the gun Whumpee is turned into is complete nightmare fuel, made of flesh and all.
Extra bonus points the flesh gun grows legs and shoots Whumper in the face then the rest of the story’s just about the shenanigans Whumpee Gun TM gets into-
#wormie made#whumpblr#living weapon whumpee#but taken very literally#whump scenario#whump prompt#crack whump#shitpost whump#whump community#tw body horror#tw gun#tw violent transformation#idk man
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nearl utena paletteswap. is this anything
......wait, hold on...
#arknights#revolutionary girl utena#utena#tenjou utena#nearl#margaret nearl#arknights edit#...yeah i guess i'll tag the other guys too#hatsune miku#kagamine rin#megurine luka#i do currently think the nearl-utena similarities are mostly surface-level. if anything‚ i think she's closer to anthy#(even though nearl's story does not read to me as one that's consciously about misogyny or abuse or even gender‚ really)#to me‚ the most compelling part of nearl's character is the way she sacrifices her personhood to become a symbol of liberation#she is whatever the people want her to be; she is the vessel for their hope‚ their grief‚ their hate. she will burn herself alive for them#margaret nearl is dead by her own hand; what has taken her place is not a human being. it is the future. it is the city. it is the light#and unlike anthy‚ she chose this for herself. she welcomes dehumanization if it means that others might live a better life#i wonder‚ in those moments when she takes off her armor‚ if she ever resents it; if she ever thinks she made the wrong choice#... sorry for the downer notes on a silly post god damn. these horses have done something to my brain
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been thinking of ppl saying that mizuena should've been in a yuri or josei manga that isn't popular which is a sentiment i understand bc yes a hypothetical mizuki akiyama that exists in a yuri or josei manga would probably have her transness made explicit i guess (absolutely not guaranteed tho imo considering the amount of transfem manga i've read that quickly veer into third sexing u_u) but even if i accept this premise at face value i'm not fully onboard with it bc i feel like her character exists best in something like prsk bc she exists as a response to trans girls being into things like love live, revue starlight, bandori, etc. it's in her metanarrative…
not saying gacha game writing is always good … a lot of ppl often say it's frustrating how much it expects you to fill in the gaps (bc that's part of audience engagement) and ena5 was arguably gachapilled abt it but i think it makes sense. gacha thrives on implied queerness bc even when the writers are passionate about what they're writing abt they can't risk alienating executives and wider audiences bc writing queerness in something 'mainstream' is often complicated? so it's not always the writers' choice? i think mizuki is pretty Explicitly transfem though. the only "issue" with her writing to me is that they don't let her say this, which i also only consider a problem /at all/ bc when she's outed it's pretty explicit? gacha often has very character driven writing … the queerness is often also an Audience Draw. i wish they would at minimum call mizuki a girl. textually. i want ena to call her a cute girl … though considering how many ppl go "ano ko", she's getting called a cute girl all the time lol.
with that being said, i think the picnic event is one of my main examples of things that make me go,,, mizuki's character works best in the context of something like prsk as a response to things like bandori bc it's about a tgirl vs cgirl idols. that mixed events inherently highlight mizuki's circumstances as "othered" by society around her and the inherent complications of her own life vs others. ppl compare mafuyu and toya sometimes also but it's so bare bones by comparison bc mafuyu is literally in a dissociative cPTSD fugue at all times. it's about so much more than being forced into a life goal she doesn't want. everything about how her mother has raised her has warped her as a person. made her unable to see healthy or more objective realities. mizuki and mafuyu both have wanted desperately to die and disappear. mizuki even now … struggles so much with that and being around "normal" ppl is hard for her bc of it bc no matter how she tries, she can't be a normal girl. an average girl. so she has to be abnormal or exceptional. no in between. how she exists in contrast to bandori is so genuine in that engagement with gender and i specify bandori bc it's colopales other game.
going back to the picnic event i love the moment when they're eating the food airi prepared and talking about how airi and shizuku are "idols who are capable of bringing others hope", but then mizuki quickly goes from admiration to somberness, wishing she could be the same as them ... and even when the others bring up the music she makes with her circle it doesn't do much to cheer her up? it reads so much to me as a trans girl struggling with an inherent sense of inferiority amidst cis girls who have never had their own girlhood questioned in the way she has and can thus take so much for granted! ena might be really ruthless and mean in a way that is atypical of femininity and airi may have struggled with not being traditionally feminine and was bullied for failing to act out "proper" girlhood, but she still has a very different experience from mizuki and neither can compare to the constant transmisogyny and degendering that mizuki constantly has to go through every day and having her identity denied so vehemently on a systemic level.
it's so pointed to me bc mizuki is an idol fan and has that genre awareness ... the way trans girls often connect with media like mahou shouio and idols but despite their love for it, still feel an inherent sense of alienation due to being an Other ... bc there's a separation between "liking these girls and these things" abstractly versus actually meeting them, and i think it's interesting that there's literally no way in the context of this game that any of these girls could be idols and trans, specifically bc mizuki is a trans girl who can't be one and this game predicates a major portion of its story around mizuki As A Trans Girl! if mizuki tried to be an idol, she'd be outed and harassed! that's a fear she already has to live with when she's making music with niigo even though it's safer due to its anonymity. transness and idols don't have to be disconnected of course, but her being a trans girl who's a fan of this stuff who's disallowed the opportunity to directly take part in them is So fucking important. her engagement with all of this.
this is an event about ena's relationships with other women but also how mizuki exists in the borderlines of girlhood ... how no one else is so prepared as she is for things going wrong and how much she has had to take on undue responsibility in the world at large just to "exist"... she's protected at home but everywhere otherwise, she always has to take responsibility for how others see her, how others project onto her, how others expect her to act, and the event ends with mizuki still declining ena's offer to join the group call with airi and shizuku bc it didn't resolve anything ... bc simply repressing her own insecurities and fears in the moment to rescue ena and airi bc it's more important to act didn't help in the grand scheme of things when this is something mizuki is always expected to do! ena did it out of kindness, but it's terrifying to be invited to a group trip with her childhood friend who is actually a cool and beautiful idol, and then for another beautiful idol to be there. and both of them are so pleasant and sweet and nice. how is mizuki supposed to interact around ppl like that, after all?
the mizuena in the picnic event is so fucking vital bc of ena trying to give mizuki comfort but making her more and more discomforted, which is good buildup to my footsteps, your destination. it's about how mizuki still exists on the fringes of girlhood even when someone is actively making effort to make her feel "included" and the invisible yet uncrossable barrier that exists between her as a trans girl who loves things like idols and idols themselves (who are predominantly cis girls). airi and shizuku are very sweet! but it's… kind of agonizing, bc airi was already ena's "friend" and mizuki feels like she has no place in the lives of others and wouldn't deserve to be ena's friend if ena found out about her transness, which is why she clings to the plausible deniability around her gender status. airi is someone who can bond with ena and be close to her much more easily bc of their shared experience with misogyny, but this is something mizuki has to struggle for much more even though the misogyny she struggles with is even more Amplified due to how the [trans]misogyny she experiences is often denied and erased even among other girls...
#again cis girls can be idols and inspire others through their art without having to hide who they are...#of course we know that misogyny is rampant in the entertainment industry and celebraties are abused in different ways#but again! this experience is something mizuki is utterly denied and even if she were to ever step a foot into it /somehow/#whatever girls like airi and shizuku are subjected to she'd have hundred times worse bc of her transness#also the fact that she can 'enjoy' mmj bc of their disconnect from official agencies#but also having to be in a position of... “voyeurism”#i also think a lot about mizuki's favorite being minori bc she's the underdog?#someone who hasn't even been an idol through the 'official' mean but is trying to catch up by going indie from the start#but even that is something mizuki can't imagine for herself doing bc she wouldn't be able to escape public scrutiny in this case either?#there are so many impies to read into how mizuki interacts with ena's idol friends#and i just really appreciate how it always engages with the complexity of how mizuki exists alongside womanhood#and how even when ppl don't “know” she's always having to be on edge#also sorry if some of this is incomprehensible most of this is just me rambling#but i think there's so much to be said about how bandori was made for female fans of love live#and how prsk is made for female fans of bandori that i kinda touch on here? blehhh#also what initially triggered this train of thought is a silly statement that i don't think should be taken seriously#but am using it as an excuse to yap ^_^#project sekai#gamo.txt
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