#Lions Health

[ladyloveandjustice]

Mental Illness in Anime

I saw someone say Komi Can't Communicate is the only anime they've ever seen that talks about mental illness and that's kinda sad, so for you to not end in the same boat, I've decided to put together an overview of mental illness in anime, what I'd recommend, what comes with caveats, and so on.

It's a little nebulous what "talks about mental illness" means as lots of anime depict characters who are very obviously depressed, traumatized and even suicidal (suicide will be mentioned a lot in this list, so watch out for that), but don't directly name mental illness. It is very stigmatized in Japan, even moreso than many other countries, you don't see much talk about therapy and so on.

However, naturally there are many Japanese people who are mental health advocates, and I found an interview with Makoto Kageyama, a mental health awareness advocate who volunteered at Aokigahara forest. He points out anime he feels deal with mental illness. One we'll cover fully, many of them I haven't watched:

I think the most accurate and positive portrayals I got were actually from Kiriyama Rei (March Comes in Like a Lion), Naruse Jun (The Anthem of the Heart), Miyamura Miyako (ef: A Tale of Memories), Takeya Yuki (School-Live!) and Smile (Ping Pong: The Animation)

I'm super open to suggestions for additions, and might be adding them as reblogs and under the cut.

I'll also be making a post on mental illness in manga if this post does well, which I will link here when I post it.

So I'll start:

Anime that directly discusses mental illness:

March Comes in Like a Lion- not only is the main character one of the most accurate depictions of depression I've ever seen, it's the rare anime that actually talks about counseling, showing a traumatized character attending counseling and slowly getting back on her feet.

Orange--it...certainly is about mental illness, but it's a pretty mixed/problematic one because it seems to be confused by how mental illness works at times. It centers around a character who's suicidally depressed and his friend's efforts to save him after receiving a time travel message about his future suicide. It also does mention offhand that this character was supposed to go to therapy and is skipping out at one point. But yeah, how it handles it is...not always great. It kind of gives an impression that if you try hard enough you can "fix" someone's suicidal depression. With friendship. I guess. You have been warned.

I haven't watched it in a really long time, so it might even be worse than I remember. But I'm including it bc I definitely cried and felt parts of it were very relatable when I saw it way back when. so there's some resonant stuff there.

Monster: Kind of mixed, but it's definitely notable as an anime that not only has a psychiatrist as a major character, but also shows prominent characters going to therapy and getting better. Characters go to him for alcoholism, depression, PTSD (PTSD is not named but yeah it's definitely PTSD). At one point he helps a main character recover some repressed traumatic memories.

What makes it mixed is that while several heroes definitely are mentally ill in some way, the (complex) antagonist of the series also has some sort of mental health condition , and the story is often weirdly muddled about it. At one point they make it out like he has Dissociative Identity Disorder (calling it "split personality") but then he never shows any symptoms of that and it's kind of dropped and not bought up again. He does definitely have repressed traumatic memories though, so maybe that's all they were getting at but said it very badly.

A heroic character that actually seems to have Dissociative Identity Disorder and YMMV in how it's handled and how accurate it is. It's a "the other personality is violent" one, but rather than the other personality being evil, it's. a defense mechanism, and the violence is always in self defense or defense of others..

Sort of names the problem:

My New Boss is Goofy: One of the main characters is recovering from an abusive boss, and definitely has anxiety attacks and flashbacks as a result. This is directly named as "trauma" (though much like in the West where the loan word came from, anime characters use the words to refer to minor things that aren't mental illness too. But in this case it's treated very seriously). At any rate, the entire anime is about others helping the MC slowly recover with his new boss and friends showing immense compassion for his anxiety and other problems. Here's a good article going into it!

Anime that focuses on social anxiety:

I think what stands out about Komi is that it directly says she has a communication disorder, but tons of anime focus on characters with social anxiety, and even state what the problem is directly.

Bocchi the Rock- The girl with the social anxiety is the main character and not the bland self insert guy who has a crush on her?, amazing. it lets her be a mess too? whaaat. Yeah, Bocchi does say directly she has severe social anxiety, and the series is very relatable in how it explores that. There are a lot of gags about it, but in a knowing, sympathetic way. Her recovery is realistically slow, and sometimes she backslides. She talks directly about her social anxiety, using the term.

Tsuritama: MC's social anxiety is so bad he can have panic attacks when people talk to him...the attacks are also represented in this really interesting way where they have water come in to drown him.

My Roommate is a Cat: Man dealing with social anxiety slowly recovers with the help of his cat. It's cute. Here's an article going into it!

Anime that don't namedrop mental illness directly, but really resonates:

Natsume's Book of Friends: I wrote an entire article about how relatable it is to me and my mental illness, how it uses the characters seeing yokai as metaphor for mental ilness at times (Natsume was textually mistreated by so-called guardians who thought he "wasn't right in the head" and his grandmother was often called that too) but also Natsume shows a lot of textual symptoms of trauma (possibly PTSD), depression and so on, and they're explored very poignantly. Here is my article: “The Courage to Speak”: Mental illness and recovery in Natsume’s Book of Friends

Revolutionary Girl Utena: Probably one of the most poignant explorations of what it means to be depressed and traumatized as a teenage girl. Several moments with Utena herself resonate, starting with when she was a child and declares she doesn't want to go on living, Anthy is also...dealing with a lot, and it's powerful how the show goes into it.

Neon Genesis Evangelion-- Many characters in it show symptoms of mental illness. Though it isn't named as depression directly (i think?), but Shinji shows every symptom you can think of, and the director Anno has said that he was extremely depressed while making it and channeled a lot of that into the characters, and we definitely see his mental journey for the better very strongly reflected in the reboot.

Kyousougiga: One of the main characters is suicidally depressed (this one is graphic, because he commits suicide on screen...only it turns out he can't die), and his journey towards becoming okay with living is a focus and was very resonant to me.

She and Her Cat: A short anime about a girl who definitely has depression and how her cat helps her. Rather simplistic ending but it's good otherwise. CW animal death too, but in a very gentle way.

Haibane Renmei: It deals with suicidal depression and other mental health struggles in a pretty intense way, it's touching, but if you have triggers consider looking into it.

Fruits Basket: Truly a cocktail of mental illnesses among the cast. YMMV on how it's handled but some parts really resonate. These articles go into it:

The Always Smiling Girl: How Tohru critiques toxic positivity

“A Man Who Can Experience His Feelings”: Fruits Basket, toxic masculinity, and mental health

Colorful: This is a submission from Nickyenchilada from the notes of this post: "I would also recommend the movie/novel Colorful. I think YMMV on how it handles the central issue of suicide but I think it does portray how even kids can be thrust into very complex situations without necessary outlets for coping with them."

Vinland Saga: This was an addition I got from a discord conversation, the entire second season explore the main character's PTSD

Yuri on Ice- A conversation on discord reminded me that a lot of people read Yuri as having an anxiety disorder, which I can totally see!

A Silent Voice- a submission from @boku-no-anime-phase who says: "I think it deserves its own shout out! This movie is nuanced, gentle, beautifully told and brimming with hope. I love the fact that just like in real life, things don't resolve particularly easily; but the characters make important progress that's rewarding to watch. TW for suicide discussion, ideation and attempt".

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai - From boku-no-anime-phase who says: "YMMV but there's an arc that deals with bullying and memory loss where a character who deals with those things is supported and encouraged through it".

My Happy Marriage - From boku-no-anime-phase who says: "also YMMV but I think there were some lovely moments in this where you can see Miyo beginning to heal from her trauma and abuse, and learn to trust."

Anime Feminist has a whole host of articles on mental health in anime and they're all here. It covers a lot of different anime I don't know about or didn't mention and offers a lot of cool perspectives, so check 'em out! Here's a few that stuck out to me:

Finding Inner Magic: Depression in The Ancient Magus’ Bride

(I don't like this anime's narrative due to the issue with the ending pointed out in this article, but it did have resonant moments of exploring depression).

How Clean Freak! Aoyama-kun compassionately handles mental illness

The Sound of Depression: Liminal spaces, sound design, and Super Cub

From Yandere Girlfriends to Social Anxiety: Handling mental illness in The Future Diary and A Silent Voice

Footnote on Hikikomori in anime:

Any anime that focuses on Hikikomori characters are dealing with characters that are mentally ill, as being so depressed/traumatized/agoraphobic/anxious you can't even leave your room or house is obviously not mentally healthy. But what really matters is how that’s handled and if these issues are explained, as Makoto Kageyama notes:

Usually, the most common issues I’ve seen covered is the “hikikomori phenomena” and light eating disorders. Basically, a bullied character that becomes a recluse out of social anxiety, but… The characters don’t usually get shown correctly, since their issues are not explained properly and basically it ends up with a “Hey, see? People are not that bad, we are your friends!” and “Yay, I have friends, I am cured and I can trust others again!” Which is not the case, because real hikikomori can take a lot of talk and patience to get them out and when they get back to normal society (if they do), they become very wary of others. And ironically, “hikikomori” has also been used as a “moe trait” in anime even though it’s a mental health issue.

One I saw a lot of people namedrop as handling it well when I googled around was Welcome to the NHK, though I haven't seen it. But, if you look at Nickyenchilada's take in the comments to this post, it's mentioned as being resonant and it's noted that the recovery is not an easy fix, and it's also noted that several characters in the story are mentally ill.

Bonus list:

Neurodiversity in Anime- (that don't namedrop mental illness directly, but really resonate)

I initially didn't include a neurodiversity section in this post because I honestly could not think of any anime that directly talks about neurodiversity or has a textually neurodivergent character.

(However, there are manga that actually do! I pointed some out in my Mental Illness and Neurodiversity in Manga post I did to complement this one!)

You can also read some articles about neurodiversity in anime here

And the list of characters that can simply be read as neurodivergent is huge, and if I tried to list every popular read it would be endless, plus I don't feel comfortable "diagnosing" any characters with developmental disorders I don't personally have. However, I am willing to take suggestions from others on this one, so here are a few!

Mob Psycho 100 - submitted by boku-no-anime-phase, who says " Mob is autistic and I will die on this hill; the trouble he has with fitting in, relating to others and knowing the right things to do imo stems directly from that."

Princess Jellyfish - submitted by boku-no-anime-phase, who says "I'd be willing to bet that all the women who live in that apartment are neurodivergent. They all have their special interests and they live together in mutual neurodivergent infodumping bliss and it's wonderful. (Unrelated but TW for sexual assault and some transphobia)"

Chihayafuru- submission by @noisepartythumpingmusic who says "It's never noted explicitly, but I firmly believe the main character of Chihayafuru has ADHD, which is perfect for a main character of a sports" josei. As someone who does have ADHD, I personally can totally see that read of Chihaya (the main character)!

Anti-recommendations (as in seems potentially resonant but then drop the ball hard, because if I listed all the anime that's blatantly gross about mental illness from the second the subject comes up we'd be here all day) (Dead Dove Do Not Eat)

Wonder Egg Priority: Starts out like it's going to be a nuanced exploration of recovering from abuse, suicidal depression, and so on, only to end up incredibly stupid and offensive. The writer also believes some stupid and misogynist things about "reasons" girls commit suicide. This article goes into it a little.

Your Lie In April: Depiction of depression and trauma is completely undermined by how all the characters tell the MC he needs to get over it because his talent for piano is more important, and the clumsy, gross take on forgiving your abuser, and so many other things. This article goes into it.

---

And that's it for now! Again. I might be updating this with new stuff based on feedback or me remembering something I missed, through both updates and adding stuff under the cut.

[canonkiller]

the hell's your problem today

[reality-detective]

Lions mane counters Wi-Fi Frequencies impacting the brain.

What do the studies say about lions mane mushroom?*

* Lion's mane mushroom appears to promote neuronal prolongation and formation of myelin[21]

* Potential Nerve Regeneration utilizing lions mane mushroom in rats [39]

* One human study using 3g of 98% lion's mane powder showed significantly improvements on a rating scale of dementia in persons suffering from general cognitive decline.[25]

* Neuroregenerative potential of lion's mane mushroom [29]

Alex Collier 🤔

[artist-issues]

I think we're missing the fact that pain has purpose.

I mean when Disney killed off Mufasa it was because Simba wasn't going to grow out of being an irresponsible, entitled brat unless something hard happened to him.

When Andy is sent to Shawshank prison and all that crap happens to him, it's not until the worst of it that he grows out of not expressing the important things while you still have time. That was his character flaw. Until he went through hell in Shawshank.

Storytellers write suffering into their stories and make their characters go through it because 1) it's compelling for people who are in the audience, learning from those stories and 2) because it's realistic; people don't even have the desire to change anything about themselves until they realize something's broken or out of place, and then they get moving.

And we think that there's no God, writing the story with a purpose.

[sethdomain]

he is like... Scar but nicer and not actually evil

[arthurroseart]

"Lion's Problem"

So last year the Johns Hopkins Center for Communication Programs commissioned me to make an animation about birth control, so I did one about a trans lion taking birth control, though they underpaid me and never told me if they actually aired it so here it is

[moviehealthcommunity]

Mufasa: The Lion King (2024)

This is a Movie Health Community evaluation. It is intended to inform people of potential health hazards in movies and does not reflect the quality of the film itself. The information presented here has not been reviewed by any medical professionals.

Mufasa: The Lion King has a few scenes with lightning strobes at varying severity. These flashes always happen during scenes when it is raining, so the rain works as a good warning that there may be flashes in this scene. The rest of the film has no strobe effects.

There are some high-speed chase scenes, including shaking POV shots, flying, and water-based peril. There is some action at extreme heights.

Flashing Lights: 4/10. Motion Sickness: 5/10.

Video ID: Admin Brandon's review and evaluation of Mufasa: The Lion King

[faggotry-enjoyer]

There's a lot to be upset about re: the response to the recent self-immolation, but one element I haven't seen touched upon much is, well, this shit.

So I found Aaron Bushnell's reddit and went through his comments/posts. That young man was well read and stable as they can be. Nothing in his writings pointed to someone who was "unstable" or "brainwashed".

5.5k note tumblr post

While US media is already spinning the story as one of a mentally ill, troubled youth, Aaron’s own message in the seconds prior to his act demonstrate the moral clarity and foresight with which he pondered and ultimately decided upon his act.

palestinianyouthmovement on instagram

Like, y'all. I thought we had all come to understand that it's possible to be mentally ill or suicidal and perfectly lucid? That being articulate doesn't rule out being "troubled"? What the hell happened to "just because someone looks okay doesn't mean they're okay"? The concept of masking?

This post isn't even about whether his death was an effective protest or if he was genuinely suicidal. Others have spoken on that; don't derail this.

This about the double standards and the inconsistency. People who would previously say that obviously suicidal people can appear fine suddenly using "clarity" as evidence that someone wasn't mentally ill in the slightest. People who talked about mental health and suicide prevention suddenly glorifying this suicide as martyrdom. And for what? To prove a point? Because he agreed with you?

Would you have accepted this rhetoric for anything else? Are you really this willing to throw away vital concepts? Do you really have principles, or do you just have a side?

[dropintomanga]

Delicious in Dungeon - The Mental Effect of Desires

Once in a while, there comes a manga with a well-defined story with well-defined themes. And even better, a well-defined ending. I'm finally going to talk about such a manga in Ryoko Kui's Delicious in Dungeon. It's a fun and award-winning story about dungeon-crawling that slowly goes deeper into a part of human nature that can grind people's gears or makes people feel alive - the topic of desire.

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE SERIES INCOMING.

Delicious in Dungeon is about an adventurer named Laios, who is trying to rescue his sister, Falin, from a red dragon they ran into at a somewhat deep part of a dungeon. The red dragon ate Falin and seems ready to digest her. Accompanying Laios are Marcille, a female elf mage, and Chilchukk, a halfling locksmith/thief. As the party struggles to figure out how to progress through the dungeon, Laios suggests eating monsters to survive. Marcille and Chilchukk are dismayed by the suggestion, but the group meets a dwarf warrior and longtime resident of the dungeon named Senshi, who loves to cook monsters. Senshi joins the party and the 4 of them (a fifth member by the name of Izutsumi would join them around Volume 6) hunt monsters and cook recipes using them as base ingredients. The story gradually goes from their humorous cooking/hunting exploits to an explanation of the dungeon and the mystery on why it exists in the first place.

While the story doesn't fully explore the topic of desire until around Volume 9, Laios' party is driven by desire to a certain degree. Laios desires to save his sister no matter what, but also desires to eat monsters. Marcille desires to save Falin, but later develops a desire to save her fellow party members at all costs via whatever means necessary. Chilchukk desires to get away from the nonsense of his fellow party members despite putting up with it. Senshi desires to have the party members learn how to be nutritionally sufficient. Izutsumi, who is a cursed beast individual, desires to have freedom over what they want to do with their life.

Regarding desire, we often have a mixed view of it despite it being a part of life. Organized religion abhors certain kinds of desire. Philosophers say desire is a fundamental part of what makes human beings who they are. Where it gets problematic is that if one desire gets fulfilled, another one tends to emerge as the next desire to go after. A lot of suffering and anguish can come from chasing desires. In a world where we're taught to mindlessly consume and chase new things to keep up, you can see that desire causes a lot of mental health problems.

What's scary is that people don't know what they truly desire until they face a situation where they're forced to confront their fears and anxieties. Sometimes, that conflicts with an outside group that frowns on desires.

When Laios and his party do find the red dragon and defeat it, they find that Falin might be dead and fully eaten. However, with a stroke of luck, Laios decides to have Marcille revive Falin with forbidden magic. Falin is revived, but is later transformed in a dragon-type creature by the lord of the dungeon, Sissel. Events like this would later draw the ire of a group of elves, known as the Canaries, who are assigned to eliminate threats in the dungeon and destroy it once and for all. That would include Laios and company, since their desires can be considered against the norm of their world.

I feel that Delicious in Dungeon is about trying to distinguish between natural desires versus unnatural desires. Natural desires are basically easy to satisfy and they usually involve food or shelter. Unnatural desires are the desires for fame or power or a life they wish they had. Those desires usually hard to achieve.

Unnatural desires come into play when the plot introduces demons and how they play a role in the lord of the dungeon's duties. The leader of the Canaries, Mithrun, was once a lord of a dungeon who got everything they wanted from a demon. He wanted a life outside of the Canaries. The problem was everything was too good to be true. Cracks start to emerge and the peaceful life crumbled before Mithrun's eyes. What's worse was that a mentally-broken Mithrun had his desires eaten by the demon. Demons are the reason dungeons exist as they prey on the strong desires of individuals who enter them.

There's one desire that is perhaps the root cause of a lot of problems regarding the dungeon plot of Delicious in Dungeon - the desire for constant happiness, which can become unnatural in a hurry.

The Lunatic Magician and the lord of the dungeon at the beginning of the story, Sissel, is one example. He is loyal to a man named King Delgal and the country they both lived in. One day, the country was besieged by illness. Sissel traveled to a dungeon and found a demon in the form of a winged lion who granted him his wish - that his people would be peaceful forever and never suffer any calamities. In a sense, eternal happiness for his countrymen. However, this did not end well as the people Sissel wanted to protect were living in the dungeon when this happened and they voiced their frustrations at him for not being able to venture back into the outside world as time went on. Sissel would take their souls away to "protect" them and because of the demon's influence, he becomes delusional over making sure his kingdom is "safe" from intruders and dissenting opinions.

But Sissel would fall victim to the Winged Lion after a confrontation with Laios, who ate his desires. Next up was Marcille, who slowly realizes how important Laios and company are to her. She wanted to protect them badly to the point that she becomes the next lord of the dungeon. The Winged Lion, who toyed with Sissel, would take advantage of Marcille. Her wish was that all non-elf raves lived as long as she did as elves live up to 1,000 years. She was chasing constant happiness in her desire to protect people for her sake. This causes the worst thing possible - the Winged Lion emerging in the real world outside of the dungeon to cause chaos since Marcille believes anyone not on Laios' side will crush her dream.

The Winged Lion would later explain to Laios that its grand goal to create a world of eternal happiness. The highs will always stay high and never go low. Every human will never feel unsatisfied with anything ever again. The Winged Lion's origin story was basically it being born out of magical energy, discovering the problems of humanity, and trying its best to solve them. But as Laios points to a burnt-out Lord Marcille,

"I bet an ideal world with nothing unpleasant, inconvenient, or worrying wouldn't have any happiness in it either!"

The Winged Lion couldn't grasp that concept for a long time until his desire for people to be eternally happy ends up being ironically eaten by Laios, who decides to become the next lord of the dungeon and cleverly wishes to be a monster that can eat desires.

After reading all of the final battle arc, I can't help but think about a statement I once saw on a tote bag - "The pursuit of happiness is the source of all unhappiness." When you try to make everything positive, resentment slowly builds. Happiness comes and goes all the time. Plus, when trying to chase happiness, you start to become pressured to achieve goals as fast as possible. So why do people continue to say things like "I want you to live a life full of happiness"? Maybe because we're scared to admit that things do go wrong and we wouldn't know how to cope or move forward. Marcille was an example of this as she felt like a failure in not protecting the people she cared about.

Reading the manga makes me wonder whether people really know what they want or what makes them happy. Everyone's hungry for something. But Delicious in Dungeon reminds me that it takes a support system to help us understand that while it's okay to hunger for better things, we have to be wary of expectations that make them more than they are and tell us they will solve all our problems. No superfood or super-anything can cure every disease possible.

I believe Laios is a character worth looking up to because he's willing to face the uncertainty of life. His obsession with eating monsters may not be pleasant to everyone around him, but bonding over making difficult choices for survival and learning that unpleasant experiences can bring joy is what drives connection. Plus, Laios' happiness over monsters is driven from within in an almost-childlike manner. His sense of happiness isn't driven from pain avoidance. That's the happiness we can try to go for as an outcome.

But remember, happiness is always fleeting and life isn't a dungeon with infinite lives. Our lives are very interdependent on the lives of others, people and food. In the last volume, Marcille points out that the biggest lesson of the journey was that we have to accept death. So maybe the most important desire should be to appreciate life and the finality of it all. We eat and we're bound to be eaten up by something in the end, so let's spend that time consuming each other's experiences and perspectives for a well-nourished mind that can keep us satisfied through the worst and best of times.

Psst, get the Delicious in Dungeon complete manga box set, y'all.

[seaweedoverlord]

I'm not really happy with how Azure looks but HEY IT IS WHAT IT IS- literally my first time drawing him

[spinnysocks]

ok but it would've been so cool if the leaders of scar's army were scarred as part of their initiation into the army, like this awesome artwork on deviantart! :D

[canonkiller]

brain reactivated what year is it

[babykotek]

Jojob's circus

[happyk44]

"I'm not leaving you behind! It is my duty," he hissed. "I swore myself-"

"Your swore yourself because you had no choice, Percy." Her eyes were endless dark, devoid of feeling, of life. "You had a price to pay for your mother's life and this was your only offer." Her thin fingers cup his face through the bars. "You didn't choose to be my protector." She gave a weak laugh that made his stomach plummet to the floor. "You're not even my guard yet, not really."

Like a phantom, her touch slid down his cheek. He caught her wrist before her fingertip stopped gracing his skin. He could feel the rounded edge of her fingernail poke against him. Silence held fraught between them.

"Bianca-"

"Percy," she cut in, voice so sharp it cut him to the core. "I want you to survive. You're free. Take advantage of that, and go. Now."

"I can't go back without you," he said, quickly. She didn't fight his hold, but still his grip tightened. As though the harder he held her, the more she would stop protesting her escape. "You are-"

"Dead." Her lips thinned. "I'm dead, Percy. I was dead the moment they got their hands on me and I will be dead before either one of us even makes it beyond these walls, but you-" Her voice cracked, eyes watering.

He shook his head. Blood pounded in his ears. He didn't want to hear what she was going to say, wanted her to stop, wanted it all to stop. Just for a moment.

But it didn't, and neither did she. With a deep breath, she carried on, "You can make it. You can live. But only if you leave without me, so go."

His lungs burned. She inhaled so deeply, spoke so forcefully, and it made him hold the air in his chest until he couldn't take it anymore. If he didn't breathe, maybe she would. But his chest ached. Self-loathing wedged itself like a rock in his throat as he let go. The sound of his own breath was like nail on chalkboard.

"Percy," she whispered. He shook his head and leaned in closer. Although tears hadn't yet fallen, her eyes were still wet. They glistened like the night sky. Her forehead pressed against the bars.

He looked away. The brick wall to his left was growing a fair bit of moss in the corner. "What's our star again?"

She laughed. It was a watery thing that choked him where he stood. Memories of standing the long grass, moonlight shining off the river, while she read her books beside him. Every so often, she'd look up at the night sky and search for the brightest star that month. She'd tell the stories behind the constellations. Or at least the stories from her kingdom. Any time she told a story, a fantastical myth, she'd follow up that her brother knew more - Nico, the quiet prince with a voracious appetite for legends and monsters.

Then, if she could spot the brightest star that month and if she recalled, she'd tell him what it meant for the people born that month. At least, in their hemisphere anyway. The stars were different elsewhere. Sometimes she'd crack open the newspaper, the stark image of her father, and read aloud the horoscopes.

He still remembered the incredulous sound she made when he told her they shared the same birthday. She'd dragged him to the library to refresh her memory on their star. Then argued furiously that he did not share the same traits as her.

It was a silly thing. She didn't believe it. He didn't either. But it was the first time they hadn't played the stiff act of royal princess and her knight-in-training. Not Percy holding his tongue and following strictly one step behind. Not Bianca doing her best to pretend he wasn't her shadow.

Awkward civility and stiffness carried thick between them from the moment Percy had been casted into his role. But that night, with the sound of yelling and laughter still echoing in their ears, they made an agreement. They didn't have to be the best of friends, but they sure could be casual with each other. After all, they were going to be stuck with each other for the rest of their lives.

At least... they were supposed to be.

Slowly each finger detached one by one until all that was left was his palm pressed against her wrist. Then that fell away too. Still he couldn't bare to turn his head and face her.

"Leo," she said. "The lion. Strength, pride, loyalty, confidence."

A stabbed orange toy on new year's day passed through his mind. "Sacrifice."

It was quiet for a beat. Then, "Yes." His heart hammered so fast he could feel it in his throat. "The lion represents sacrifice."

What was he supposed to say? He wanted to run, to turn the lock with the key he stole, take her and run. Run far and fast. But deep inside, he knew she was right. He could get by undetected. No one cared about a child knight, not even yet passed his training. He could blend in and slip out. Even if he got caught, they wouldn't nearly put in as much effort to get him back as they would if she were with him.

She was right.

She was already dead.

He swallowed thickly and met her eyes again. The night sky glistened back at him and he thought of constellations and warm handshakes and kind agreements and silly arguments. Breath caught in his throat. "I'll miss you," he whispered, voice hoarse.

Her lips twitched. "I'll miss you too." She blinked, and one tear slid down her cheek. He tracked the wet trace it left behind until it welled up at the bottom of her chin and dripped to the floor. "Will you do me a favour?"

"You're my princess," he said. "I would do anything for you."

It was a weak smile she gave before she spoke. The sight of it crushed him. "Tell my family I love them." Her breath escaped from her shakily. She pushed back her hair. A classic move to hide the nerves that drove her hands to tremble ever so slightly. "And take care of Nico. Please."

"I will," he promised.

Her smile strengthened ever so slightly. But the tears fell fast now, one right after the other. Her face tilted away at the first streak. He immediately turned his line of sight back to the brick wall. Weakness, sadness, grief - she hated being seen with any of them. He always respected it. Look away until she was done. Don't speak, don't ask her anything, don't help her. Just look away and stay silent unless she calls out.

So, even as his mind's eye was trapped in the wet track of tears on her skin, the hitched sound of her breath holding in a cry, he turned and headed back for the dungeon's door. The doorknob twisted in his hand. The door cracked open.

"Percy."

He held stiff. "Yes?"

"Don't forget the bracelet."

Heat burned at the back of his head. In his pocket, the bracelet felt heavier than the weight of the world. When he had first arrived, she gave it to him. When he refused to take it, insistent that she could deliver it to Nico herself, she shoved it into his pocket herself. Like a ghostly stain, his thigh still tingled with the forceful and firm press of her hand. He was sure it always would.

"I won't."

"Stay safe," she said, a princess in a dungeon ready and waiting to die.

His heart shattered. Still, he kept his head held high. "I will."

Then, without another word, he left the girl he had spent the last three years training to protect. He was meant to die for her. It was the role he had accepted the night he and his friends had stormed the castle and pleaded for help with his dying mother. He didn't argue. He didn't plead. Without hesitation, he swore his life away for hers. Without hesitation, he swore his last breath would be hers.

Yet she was the one embracing the eternal coldness to come. She was the one breathing weakly so he could breathe strong. She was trading away her life for his. She was the lion, giving a mighty roar before the dawn of a new year. She was the sacrifice, held down by chains with a glistening sharp blade raised above her head.

But he wasn't the one lowering it upon her neck. No, he was the cold breath of winter. The first drop of snow. The wilting grass. He was the barren wasteland that drove her out into the open. He was the starving masses desperate to live. He didn't have to drop the blade. He didn't have to use his own hands to spill her blood across the ground. His survival was her end. And that made him her killer anyway.

[shinesurge]

I sent out an extra newsletter update yesterday with the supporter credits in, I'm gonna mention it again with the next update BUT if you're a supporter who doesn't get emails, here's a link to the web version so you can check and make sure everything is the way you want it! I won't be sending out notifications EVERY time I make a change because that would be insane, but I will be updating the list here on the archive post so if you ask me to do any editing you can check here periodically so see the changes. Thank y'all very much!

[pinkniz]

Currently thinking about how Javid probably STINKS very hard because male lions have very powerful musks meant specifically to make everyone stay away from them and so that others are aware of their presence from quite a distance

I think he has good enough hygiene to not be a biological hazard but I do think being locked up with him in a windowless room would certainly be an experience