#Like. They are gone. What they were is gone bc all things end. Maybe this is just going to let progress and change happen
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VOIDSUITES 10K RELEASE !!! (3/16/25) âą đż .á

art donaldson ă»ăăă»ïŒfive minutes. even with divorce proceedings going as smoothly as they possibly couldâ thank god him and tashi are in agreement about everythingâ nothing prepared art for the reality of his daughter recognizing her parents arenât going to live in the same place anymore; that their ideas of home are no longer aligned. his worldâs shaken-up, heâs beyond being hesitant to ask for reassurance, and all art needs is five minutes of your timeâ just five. for annie! @grimsonandclover

art donaldson ă»ăăă»ïŒout of the loop. art, well⊠he always tries his best to keep up with whatâs current and popular for your sakeâ among other thingsâ but sometimes thereâs a learning curve and other times he simply doesnât get it. thereâs only so many times a man can be reminded of the gap between him and his partner before it becomes a sore subject for him to pout about. (based off your countless dilf!art social media aus/texts bc your humor is off the charts) for ava! @coolgrl111

art donaldson ă»ăăă»ïŒyuck. while paparazzi photos are nothing new to the two of you, a night out after celebrating one of artâs challenger wins is immortalized in the form of photos and accompanying tabloid articles. itâs not the end of the world, sure, but those moments were for you and art, not the rest of the world. artâs just lucky youâre smitten with him enough to entertain his teasing instead of kicking him out of the apartment altogether. (unofficial sequel to the talk talk!art bot!) (based off of âyuckâ by charli xcx!) for katerina! @katerinathesaint

art donaldson ă»ăăă»ïŒthrowing in the towel. nobody said that recovery for your knee would be easy, but no one mentioned how everyone would start walking around on eggshells with you throughout the process. youâre the duncanator, for fuckâs sameâ youâre not broken. you will return to playing tennis⊠but you really should let someone in just in case things donât pan out the way theyâre supposed to, and artâs willing to be that crutch for as long as you need him. for merry! @newrochellechallenger2019

carmen berzatto ă»ăăă»ïŒrock ânâ roll suicide. graduationâs come and gone, summerâs dragging way more than heâd anticipated, and every day that passes leaves carmy feeling more and more like he's wasting time. heâs too old to lose it and too young to choose it, but maybe there is a something else planned for him besides working at the beef and being alone. youâre an angel keeping him preoccupied while heâs in this state, and carmyâs positive thereâs no romantic gesture in the world that could convey just how grateful he is for you and your continued supportive presence in his life. (late teens!carmy) (based off of ârock ânâ roll suicideâ by david bowie!) for elle! @mrmoonymoons

jonathan byers ă»ăăă»ïŒremorseful reflections. after a week of hellâ full of monsters and men, secret government lab experiments and a little girl that could flip a van with her mindâ will byers is home. and while jonathan couldnât be happier⊠the lingering dread of potentially being the reason for willâs disappearance in the first place is eating away at him. itâs clearly serious if not even the psychedelic furs can cheer the elder byers boy up. for zoe! @bluestrd

natasha romanoff ă»ăăă»ïŒforwards beckon rebound. if natashaâs life is meant to be a continuous cycle of strife, pain, and tormentâ dragging everything and everyone she cares about into its endless spiral of lossâ sheâd rather it just swallow her whole already. too bad you wonât let that happen; not when youâve both already lost too many friends and loved ones for a lifetime. sometimes, she just needs to be reminded of the family she has left than solely dwelling on the ones that are gone. (based off of âforwards beckon reboundâ by adrianne lenker!) for juliana! @jclolz22

patrick zweig ă»ăăă»ïŒmy love mine all mine. with the historic, volatile feud between the zweigs and your family, there was no chance they would understand that you two could feel anything but hate for each other. they didnât need to know that the two of you were seeing each other in secret, nor did anyone else whoâd run their mouth instead of swearing themselves to secrecy just like you and patrick had. even the moon knew that you were patrickâs and he was yours⊠so what are you both to do when the world finds out your secret? (romeo & juliet-esque) (based off of âmy love mine all mineâ by mitski!) for diya! @diyasgarden

patrick zweig ă»ăăă»ïŒBITE. patrick zweig ă»ăăă»ïŒBITE. mlm. while itâs not his first time at a queer club, it is the first time patrickâs gone and actually been himself. promising himself that heâll finally get over the memories of sharp brown eyes and blond curls haunting him and forget them for good, patrickâs pleasantly surprised to find the perfect someone on the dance floor and shoot his shot. and hey, if they want to sing him like a choir later, he won't say no to that. (based off of âBITEâ by troye sivan!) for ellias! @weirdfishesthoughts

patrick zweig ă»ăăă»ïŒsupercut. who knew working at aces of tomorrow tennis camp would be like this; all caught up in a whirlwind romance with a fellow camp counselor like patrick. while you two keep things secret, youâd be lying if there wasnât a part of you desperate to define the situationship even if it ends in heartbreak. while itâd be easier to just focus on the good partsâ to live in your little supercut of greatest hitsâ you have to know if patrick even remotely feels the same as you do. (camp counselor!au) (based off of âsupercutâ by lorde!) for indigo! @angeldressedasindigo

patrick zweig ă»ăăă»ïŒmaps. once upon a time, the four of you had been closeâ but now, twelve years since tashiâs injury, patrickâs emerged from the past and heâs dead set on trying to win all of you back. tashi and art have proven to have moved on from the affair, but patrick always knew you were the weakest link out of your old quartet; if artâs never had a backbone, youâre worse than spineless when it comes to confrontation. whatâs patrick got to do to convince you that heâs worth all the trouble and heartache? (based off of âmapsâ by the yeah yeah yeahs!) for isabel! @cryinginanuncoolway

patrick zweig ă»ăăă»ïŒlet her go. love comes slow and goes so fast, and rebound or not, patrick threw away a chance at a real relationship with you all because of his damn pride. sure, you were his rebound from tashi post-pepperdine match fallout, but patrickâs more than aware now that you meant more than thatâ that you mean more than that to him. if heâs got to grovel, humiliate himself, and kiss the ground you walk on to be forgiven, so be it. itâs only fair. (based off of âlet her goâ by passenger!) for mika! @s0ftcobra

patrick zweig ă»ăăă»ïŒit only gets stranger. patrick zweigâ grade-a jerk, captain of the varsity tennis team with art donaldson, and all-around spoiled rich boyâ was the embodiment of frustration for you. he was a boy whoâd grown up with everything at his disposal, having everything he could want without ever truly earning it. so itâs all the more jarring to be in the passenger seat of his bmw with his letterman thrown over your shoulders as he drives you home. itâs not like the two of you are friends⊠but encountering monsters beyond your wildest imagination do have a way of changing things. (stranger things!au) for nori! @leftoverghosts

robin and steve ă»ăăă»ïŒrentâs due! when the time came to get out of hawkins and to finally start living the lives you wanted, thatâs exactly what you, robin, and steve did the moment you could. chicagoâs a fresh new start, and worrying about creatures from the upside down coming back to fight another day has turned into you three stressing about rent and whether you can afford textbooks and groceries that month. thatâs adulting for you... but you really wouldnât have it any other way. for jax! @whimsijoy

tashi duncan ă»ăăă»ïŒGOLDWING. when the media had set its sights on tashi when she used to play professionally, sheâd welcomed the attention. now that sheâs your coach, sheâs smart enough to know how important they are to your career while also recognizing how much damage they could cause you if they pried too much into your personal life. take it from a former professional tennis player whoâd once been in your shoes: keep your head down. (based off of âGOLDWINGâ by billie eilish!) for lilli! @apatheticrater

got a request? go ahead and leave em here :) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 12.9K! and THANK YOU all for being so patient with me as i worked to get this release out. of COURSE i had to get busy up and out of nowhere the moment i posted these slots⊠will i ever know peace? no. anyways. thank you all to the lovely people above and to ALL OF YOU HERE that have been so supportive and helped me get to where i am now. it hasnât even been a year since iâve started making bots (weâre almost there) and we already hit 10k. so wild. love you all with all that i am. none of this is possible without any of you continuing to motivate me and push me to be creative. and if u want more of me u can join my community if u want to⊠anything that doesnât get spammed on my feed gets spammed there so yeah. THANK YOU!!!!!!

#voidsuites bots#voidsuites 10k celebration#dividers by cafekitsune#art donaldson x reader#art donaldson bot#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto bot#jonathan byers x reader#jonathan byers bot#natasha romanoff x reader#natasha romanoff bot#patrick zweig x reader#patrick zweig bot#steve harrington bot#robin buckley bot#tashi duncan x reader#tashi duncan bot#c.ai#c.ai creator#bot reqs#character ai#challengers#challengers 2024#the bear#stranger things#marvel mcu
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Bill prefers a more hands-on approach when it comes to gaming.
cw: set between late 90s/early 2000s, fem!reader, r is not a #gamergirl for plot purposes, ooc to the max bc bill isnât allowed within 50 feet of the opposite sex :P
Nailed to the wooden door, painted in bold, red letters, is a giant sign that reads âNO GIRLS ALLOWEDâ.
âYou break a single thing in here, and Iâll call the cops, I swear to god.â
âGreat, anything else?"
âTouch my comics, and youâre dead.âÂ
The threat rolls off your shoulders as quickly as he said it.
Itâs been like this ever since you walked through the front door.
After getting a call, at 2 a.m. might you add, Bill had been real adamant about you coming over; something about his usual visitors being 'too busy doing other stupid bullshit' and wanting to show off his mad skills at a new game he'd purchased.
Had you not been on the verge of falling back asleep, you would've called him on his shit and made him admit that he really just wanted to see you.
Regardless, and in hopes of putting an end to the semi-rantish call, you said yes.
Bill, having finally gone through his extensive rule list and coming close to having you sign a contract, unlocks the wooden door and pushes it open; the worn-out stairs squeak loudly as the two of you make your descent into the dark room.
As if it were second nature, he felt around in the air for a moment before yanking on a dangling cord. The only source of light reveals his magnum opus.
The basement was exactly as you pictured it.
Hanging on almost every wall that didn't have a giant bookshelf pushed in front of it, several shelves were bearing multiple miniature knick-knacks and large posters featuring what you assumed was every single sci-fi movie to have ever existed.
Towards one of the corners of the room was a beat-up table covered in a fictional map, surrounded by over a dozen mini figurines; a battle having clearly taken place the night before.
But what stuck out to you the most was that it was noticeably clean.
Y'know, for a guy.
Aside from the clutter of personal belongings that bordered on a novice level of hoarding, there was not a single speck of dust.
No crumpled papers, bits of plastic, fast food wrappers, or anything. You could be mistaken, but youâre almost positive he vacuumed, too; Hell, even the tiny waste basket shoved next to the couch was empty.
Was this all because you were coming over? Did he want to make a good impression?Â
The thought alone sends your guts aflutter with some bizarre version of flattery.
As your gaze flits all around the room, you feel a heat radiating from your hostâs laser-focused gaze aimed directly at your face.
âWhat?â
âYou look⊠different.â
Okay, so what if you actually put some effort into your appearance, doused yourself in your favorite perfume, and put on your nicest pair of jeans?
Itâs not like you wanted to look somewhat decent for the guy you were maybe-kinda-sorta seeing or anything; even if said guy couldnât give any less of a damn about how you looked.
âDonât know what youâre talking about.â You shrug nonchalantly, hoping he wouldnât see through your thinly-veiled ruse, âI always look like this. Are you just now paying attention?â
God only knows the amount of ridicule the little weaselâd dogpile you with if he found out you got all âprettifiedâ just for him.
Plus, his ego would over-inflate to unprecedented levels and take out all mankind like a modern-day version of the meteor that ended the reign of dinosaurs.
Luckily, with one last eye flicker and a low, noncommittal âhmâ from the back of his throat, the brief subject is dropped.
Guess you both did some light primping.
He moves further into the room, not before throwing back a witty 'You should take a picture; it'll last longer.'.
âI canât help it; itâs not every day my pookie bear lets me into his holy sanctum to play with his little toys.â You flutter your eyelashes at him, earning a disturbed sneer in return.
âDonât call me that.â
âWhat? Pookie bear?â you feign innocence.Â
âYes, that. Only pussywhipped normies use that cutesie crap and I refuse to subject myself to such standards.â
âWhatever you say, snookums.â
âI so loathe you.â Bill let out one last aggravating sigh before busying himself with the gaming system heâd mentioned over the phone.
As he connects a couple of wires to his TV, you awkwardly hang around for something more to do, settling on picking at a hang nail just to have something to busy your hands with.
The solution comes when you make eye contact with a nearby shelf, a couple of out-of-box action figures practically beckoning you over.
âOoh! What if we each grabbed one and made them kiss and junk? Wouldnât that be romantic?â
You snag a figure that had a very Baywatch David Hasselhoff-y vibe with puffier hair and a gun strapped to his hip and deepen your voice, holding it up close to Bill, âListen to the chick, punk. Sheâs got the right idea.â
A certain lasso-handling heroine is also thrown into the mix as you adjust your tone to be more smooth and confident.
âI agree, Please help me declare my undying love forâŠâ You pause for a moment in an attempt to recall the gunslingerâs name, âthat guy.â
Bill scoffs 'unamusingly' at your childish display and (lightly) swats the hand holding the intergalactic smuggler away from his face, âLike Han Solo would ever be caught dead making out with a woman who wears her panties out in public to fight crime.â
âPssh, Heâd be lucky if Wonder Woman even glanced in his general direction.âÂ
He pauses, âHow do you know who Wonder Woman is?â
âCanât tell you; itâll take the mystery out of our relationship.â (You thumbed through a stack of comics when he wasnât looking.) âAre you going to show me how to play or what?â
As if on cue, the TVâs noisy static blaring through the speakers smoothens out to a more upbeat and inviting tune, making way to display the psychedelic home screen of one Mario Kart 64.
You let out a delighted âoooo!â before plopping down next to your kinda-sorta boyfriend on his circular carpet as he fiddles around with two controllers, ensuring that both are fully functional and cooperating.
Bill messes around with the game select screen, making sure to pick two players before moving on to the character select screen, the more exciting of the two.
There are eight options for you to choose from, ranging from a human plumber to... you want to say a punk dragon with a mohawk?Â
Before you can make a decision, you're given some unwarranted advice: "You can be peach, obviously."
âAre you saying that because Iâm dainty and pretty like her?â
âUh, no. Sheâs pink and the only girl.â
As appealing as that sounds, another character had already caught your eye. âForget that. I want to be the green dino thingy.â
âYoshi? Out of the question, I already chose him.â
âNo way, I want him!â
âNo, fuck off! I picked him first!â
âBILL, PLEASEEE!â
âGet off of me!â
âââ
After the two of you take the time to have a well-rounded and productive discussion ("STOP THROWING CUSIONS AT ME!"), you come to an agreement.
âWhatever, I wanted to be Toad anyway.â He eventually concedes.
A triumphant giggle bubbles past your lips, earning a heatless scowl from Bill, as the game finally, finally begins.
You watch as a quick runthrough of the track displays itself: a hilly, rainbow-y mess set deep in outer space; cartoon logics, who were you to argue.
As the countdown begins and the competitors rev up their engines, a previously forgotten problem makes its way to the forefront of your mind. âWait- Bill- I donât know the controls!â
âCanât help you, gotta win.â
And the race is on!
As he moves freely around the map and plays out maneuvers only capable of being done by someone who already knew every trick in the game, all you managed to do was move forward a couple feet, change the camera angles, and then crash straight into a wall, where you remained until the end of the race as Bill, as expected, effortlessly places first.
To add insult to injury, right before crossing the finish line, one of the last remaining CPUs nails you with a projectile. "Oh, come on!"
He lets out a victorious and annoyingly mocking cackle as the rankings are given, placing you at dead last, right underneath a literal ape.
You jut your bottom lip out in disdain, âDoes unfairly beating me make you feel good about yourself, Dickey?â
âIt really does. Thanks for asking.â
"Jerk."
"It's not my fault you're so bad at this."
âI am trying my-â a sudden warmth descends upon you as a pair of flannel-covered arms wrap themselves atop of your own, â-best.â
Heâs initiating contact! holy shit, holy shit, don't make any sudden moves or heâll get spooked. Oh my god!
Bill âhand-holding is for douchebagsâ Dickey was willingly pulling a slightly less messy version of the pottery scene from Ghost; all in the name of showing you how to play a game meant for kids.
During all this overthinking, he's also pointing out each multi-colored button and its designated purpose.Â
So it's possible he doesn't consciously realize the very intimate hold he has on your right now.
Oh well, you'll take what you can get.
Is that aftershave you're smelling? Since when has he ever worn that?
â-button to perform slides on turns so you donât lose any speed, but itâs a move for more advanced players, such as myself, and I doubt youâd be able to do it correctly.â
Wait, how long has he been talking for?
Any sound tumbling out of his mouth sounds exactly like itâs coming from one of the offscreen adults in Peanuts.
"Youâre holding it wrong.â
You blink. âW-what other way is there? I donât have three hands.â
âThe controller's only meant to be held by the middle and right part.â
You nearly swallow your tongue as Bill maneuvers your hands, which were getting embarrassingly clammier by the second, into the correct position.
He then chooses another track, one that was covered in cows, and the countdown begins once again.
Except this time, once the little guy on the cloud makes it to one, instead of focusing on winning and jetting off to remain ahead of the other racers, his cart remains at a standstill next to yours. âOkay, press A to go.â
That should be easy enough to find!
One measly little A shouldnât be an issue.
You stare down at the controller, and a beat of awkward silence hangs thickly in the air.
âUh...â
Unseen by you, Bill rolls his eyes. âAre you new to the English language? Youâre hopeless.â
He presses your thumb down, and by some odd miracle, Yoshi is finally moving forward, this time without hitting any barriers.
Like the world's most annoying teacher, he helps remind you again and again what button serves what purpose, all while keeping his hold on you.
While it initially flustered you, you started to get used to the added heat and focused on actually winning.
When he feels that you've finally got a grasp on the controls, he gives you full-reign of the controller and drops his arms; although, Bill doesn't seem to go too far, simply choosing to hang them loosely around your waist.
You don't think much of it, too preoccupied dodging a few cows whose life mission was to be run over.
"Stupid asshole," you murmur angrily under your breathe as a green plumber bumps into your kart and nearly sends you veering off course.Â
The race gets even more intense when you finally manage to catch up and riding the red plumber's ass for first.Â
"Throw it already, he's right fucking there!" Bill encourages, his grip tightening from excitement.
Your arm jerks to the right as if the movement will help Yoshi avoid a banana placed by the unfair CPU racer. "I'm trying, I'm trying!"
"Then throw the damn shell!"
"Stop backseat driving!"
With the checkered finish line in sight, you make the last ditch effort to twart your opponent and toss the green shell.
You both watch with bated breath as it hits the white fences along the sides like the world's most annoying pinball, inching closer and closer to its intended target before it finally makes a-
"Direct hit!"
At the absolute last second, Mario is sent toppling over like the giant tool he is, making a clear path for Yoshi, the ambitious little dinosaur, to take first place.
"I did it!" The wide grin on your face nearly splits your face in two as Yoshi lets out his victory... cheer?
You don't dwell too much on it.
Maneuvering yourself around and then tossing your arms around his neck, you relish in the small, dare you say, proud expression displayed on your boyfriend's face, "Did you see that?"Â
This time, you can see when he rolls his eyes, "Duh, I was right here."Â
"How does it feel to be dating someone with better gaming skills than you?"
"Please, I could've played better than that in my sleep."
"Is that a bet I hear, Mr. Dickey?" You twirl a lock of his auburn hair in between your fingers.
You're not sure exactly when it clicks, but the sudden realization of the extremely close proximity he's placed himself in brings an abrupt end to the light teasing between you two.
Bill's entire face turns a brilliantly bright cherry red as he scrambles back over to his side of the floor, accidently knocking you on your ass and stammering the whole way, âT-tell anyone about this and I-Iâll just say you were c-coming onto me.âÂ
Initially, you thought that you accidentally overstepped your boundaries and caused him some grief, knowing how weird he is with physical contact, all of which is thrown out the window when he keeps glancing over at you.
You snicker, "Don't worry, I liked it too."
He sucks his teeth in what you took as dismissal, "whatever."
The tiny smile he's fighting so hard to stamp down says otherwise.
He quietly grabs his controller and returns to the map selection screen, scrolling through the submenus until he finally settles on one.
You take the silent hint and reach for yours, keeping your distance and refocusing on the screen.
As the two of you settle back in, Bill not-so-subtly scooches himself closer to you, tensing slightly when his leg makes contact.
Not wanting to ruin the moment, you just slump further into his side, leaning your head on his shoulder.
It takes every fiber in your body and then some to not squeal in pure ecstasy when he returns the small gesture by squishing his head on top of yours.
"YEAHHH, EAT SHIT!â
âWHEN DID YOU GET A RED SHELL?!â
extra:
"Hey, freak. Have you seen my sewing kit? I got a couple grudges to- what the hell?â
Jane watches in complete shock as the whirlwind formerly known as her brother frantically shoves pile after pile of trash into a large bag.
Thereâs a couple more just like it in terms of size piled up in the corner; right beside them is a discarded feather duster and a tangled-up vacuum cleaner.
"I didn't touch your shit," Bill calls over his shoulder, "can't you see I'm busy?"
âSince when do you clean?â
Her only answer is a grumbled 'mind your damn business' as her brother proceeds to dump last night's leftover campaign fuel into the overstuffed garbage bag in his tight grasp.
"Is it for a girl? It's a girl, isn't it?"
The younger Dickey takes a moment to soak in the fact that her brother, the selfish bastard that couldnât bring himself to give a shit about other people, was actively making an effort to try and impress another human being and allowing them to step foot into his ânerd caveâ.
You really canât make this stuff up.
"Y'know,â she drawls after a moment of complete silence, an almost cat-like smirk stretching itself across her pale cheeks, âfor a while there, I thought you weren't interested in girls."
"Oh, for the love of- GET OUT!"
#eltingville club x reader#bill dickey x reader#bill dickey x you#ooc? who cares!!#an apology for ghosting#reader rlly loves to bother bill#*cutely rips my own face off*#jerry fan forced into being a bill liker#hes rlly fun to write for tho#rainbow road as the starter map bc ofc he would#author glossed over comics so work might have some inconsistencies#author also got sick of rewriting and wanted this posted asap#author throws in obnoxious 90s references#unedited!!#does his door rlly have a sign? NOW IT DOES#watched mario kart footage for this#ill fix it later
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Melbourne...let's talk about it cos I got a lot to say.
I'mma start with rookies because honestly it's their first race and so many didn't make it.
DISCLAIMER: this is all based purely off of my opinions on what I saw this weekend. Do not get offended if I said something you don't like, opinions are allowed to exist. I tried to make sure nothing came across as hate or too hard but I will admit some drivers I was maybe harsher on in sharing my thoughts. You do not have to agree but don't come at me getting mad, though feel free to share discussions I'm happy to keep it civil and talk about it with people in replies (i'm saying this bc I share this bc people have asked for my thoughts but I am not interested in or looking for arguments)
Rookies
When I say I was verging on tears seeing Hadjar, like that was devastating. I don't have much more to say but I know he's better than that, it was a very common mistake today and there was no way to be prepared for it. I will admit seeing him hug Lewis' dad left me in fucking tears. But it's good to see that emotion, it's important to see how much this means to these young guys. I hope he takes a leaf out of Yuki's book and uses this sort of thing as motivation for the next race. Same for Doohan and Bortoleto, obviously they were later but same things really. Hard to watch.
Bearman, I mean his race was...more testing time imo. He was on track and thankfully kept it on track which like credit to him bc it was a struggle we saw more than just rookies struggle and given his weekend so far, obviously he needed to show us that he could keep that car on track. Hate to be harsh but hopefully lessons were learned for next week and we see improvements from him moving forward.
Obviously stand out was Kimi, he did kind of get quite lucky Ferrari absolutely bottled their strategy, Oscar went off, Yuki also got fucked by strategy (I have something more to discuss about this). But there's no denying he was on fire, easily one of the top 3 drivers of the day no doubt in my mind. Also absolutely adorable seeing him involve his little sister and be so protective over her throughout the weekend. Very cute.
McLaren
Two very different outcomes, one I'm overjoyed for and one I'm absolutely devastated and it was hard seeing Oscar after that race. Like I have never seen him where his voice is wobbling when he was asked how he was feeling. Broke my heart.
I'm ngl Lando absolutely earned that race win. He got pole, he kept that p1 off the line, he controlled the race, even when he very much almost fucked it, the team managed to regather him with strategy (thank the fucking lord). He got fastest lap, he got driver of the day and it was all deserved imo with his performance like especially his fight with Max at the end, I was fully prepared for Max to use that DRS and make a dive.
I know some people might say Oscar was flying but he was pushing while Lando was coasting and when we saw Lando start to push, he was gone and Oscar just couldn't keep up. So still some work to do on tyres for Oscar imo, he has improved but he's just got to be more careful especially when he's behind and not priority for strategy because of that. I think we'll see Oscar with another opportunity to win, we know there's some sort of curse with the podium and Australians in Melbourne. It was a really really hard watch. But positives to take away, he is right there behind Lando and he made a very very sexy overtake on Lewis at the end and knocked Lewis who is praised for his wet drives down to p10 which is something to be proud of given the expectations for Lewis coming into Ferrari this season (I have more to say about this too dw). Also didn't even notice Lily's reaction but just seen a clip of it, I know that was hard to watch for us but I can't imagine how Lily and his family felt watching that. It's gotta be an impossible feeling and they'll have to try and comfort him.
I think it'll be a McLaren 1-2 next week, which way around? Lando is VERY strong around China so it's hard to make the call as to who will be the race winner. But I'm confident either way around it will be McLaren...unless it's wet again, maybe someone else will pop up randomly.
Red Bull
Max...I mean incredible for him to be P2 in that car. Not necessarily surprising, even on Friday I had thoughts he would be in with a chance of winning bc Red Bull have a habit of always looking pretty shit on Fridays and then fixing stuff over night and looking amazing for qualifying and the race. So incredible but not surprising. As always with Max, I look forward to seeing what he can do for the rest of the year and just how close he can still fight to maintain a championship. Although shall we take a minute to commemorate his championship leading streak coming to an end.
Liam...oh Liam. Oh lord the second Red Bull seat immediately pressing on his throat. Even Checo would have strong starts to the year. I know people are going to say he's testing stuff and he's being used to see how things work and blah blah blah but qualified only ahead of 1 Haas since Bearman didn't actually partake in qualifying. That's bad. Like even by rookie standards, he was in the second best car for the rookies and he only outqualified the one who didn't take part. That's worrying. This isn't hate, this is concern. Because even on track he never got further than the Haas'. I personally don't like the man but even I'm not being harsh when I say that Red Bull expect more than that. Not to mention he crashed and he doesn't have the excuse of other rookies who never experienced a chaotic wet race in an F1 car. I think Liam's lucky that they don't have a back-up to replace him with mid-season, unless they want to risk Hadjar in that seat. Because otherwise I'd say he's under the biggest threat of losing that seat, but they don't have that so I think he's safe at least till 2026. He's got to show better pace though, like being out of the points the whole race and then crashing...they might as well have just stuck with Checo who at least brought a hell of a lot of money in sponsor to the team which rn they definitely need since they're not going to win the constructors.
Ferrari
If in doubt, trust Ferrari to fuck strategy. I do have to laugh that Lewis fans genuinely seemed to believe they'd fixed their strategy issue in time for Lewis' arrival (spoiler it was actually Carlos doing the leg work for that and now he's gone). Idk what it is about rain and Ferrari but they cannot make a good call in a wet race if a gun was held to their head. I'm sorry Lewis fans but you should've heeded the warnings.
Very concerning that both Williams and Sauber who only had one driver finish the race are ahead in the constructors standings (I know it won't last long but like Ferrari what is that?)
Charles? I mean man is fighting for best radio messages this year that's for certain. He had me laughing so hard with his leaking water messages. He was disappointed from qualifying, I didn't see him after the race yet but I can't imagine he was overjoyed. In fact I imagine there's some interview where he said "it's like this" which iykyk is a bad sentence to hear from Charles.
As for Lewis, I said it before and I'll say it again. Ferrari did too much setting him up as going to be the greatest thing since the colour red. They should've moved in silence throughout the break and in the run up to the season. And just waited. They built him up and that race was a disaster for him. From the strategy to his radio messages where he basically shut down communicating with them and refused to take their suggestions or requests. That's a bad sign, hopefully they discuss things after the race and really work to improve that moving forward from both parties but we saw that from Lewis last year at his absolute worst with Mercedes when they just stopped caring about him. For that to be what we see in his first race with Ferrari, I'm worried for him and how he's really settling into the team. Obviously language barriers and Charles can communicate fluently with the team. It's not gonna be as easy as I think Lewis' fans thought it would be and it might not be that successful either.
I do have to say seeing Charles overtake Lewis like he did, I think Lewis is going to have to get used to that. Obviously that was an area him and George often butted heads as teammates, Lewis did not like being challenged by George (ik some people might not like that but it was true) and I do think he's going to find that Charles is quite similar to George in that he's unrelenting and will not concede unless directly told by the team.
A team to keep an eye on for team dynamic, priority and results that's for certain.
Williams
I mean Alex Albon. That's a boss man. Allegedly Carlos was in the garage helping with strategy after he crashed, which he did a lot in Ferrari so honestly no surprise there. But he's got the team above Ferrari in the standings...maybe once Carlos has the car under him...maybe...Williams will surprise us?
Idk I'm rooting for them very heavily. Easily my second favourite line up for the teams (after Lando/Oscar) for combination of drivers. I think James was overexcited saying they're the best line up, but they are definitely the best lineup Williams has seen in a long time.
Obviously not great to see Carlos crash, if it was something with the car which James seemed to agree there was something off that meant Carlos wasn't entirely to blame. Then I do think it's hard to swallow but not representative of what to expect from Carlos moving forward.
Mercedes
George, ngl I think he had quite a lonely race. He was sort of in no man's land. Too quick for Albon and Yuki, but too slow for the McLaren's and Max. Idk how he's always there to collect reward when there's an accident (maybe carrying Bottas Monza 2021 energy a little too much these days đ€Ł). I mean great for him, right place at the right time and Mercedes hasn't wavered in being one of the best for strategy, they made all the right calls and George got on a podium in a car that quite honestly I didn't expect to be ahead of Ferrari going into this weekend.
Kimi I've already discussed but again just amazing from him, Mercedes did not let him down for strategy and yeah he got the penalty (didn't actually see any evidence for as to why, like no replays which is annoying) but still a top 5 finish on debut at 18? That's very very good especially with where he started.
The rest (sorry we're spewing through the others)
Hulk and Stroll...clearly good strategy for them bc they randomly got in the points ahead of the Ferrari's. Ngl good to see from Sauber, getting more points in the first race than they got all season last year. I know Bortoleto crashed but he is a rookie and he was not the only one.
Alonso...I mean lowkey, expect more from him. I know wet races are very hit or miss and the Aston is a hard car to get a read on for drivability. But hopefully this is not foreshadowing his season moving forward.
Yuki drove incredibly, I'm so fucking angry on his behalf because that strategy came straight from Marko who doesn't want Yuki to look like he's doing too well and if they can prevent him from doing well then they will do whatever that have to. Ok...maybe that's very dramatic of me but there is something suspicious going on that Yuki does amazing, maintains position for almost the whole race and then when the one opportunity for them to fuck over the only RB driver still on track appears, they do? Mmm...
Alpine, Doohan another victim of the rookie wet race spin that took him out. Again something to use as a means of learning. Gasly, he did what he could with what he had. Didn't see much of him tbh so at least he kept out the drama. P11, so out of the points but I mean he finished the race so you take the wins where you can.
Haas...just look so slow. Obviously not Bearman's weekend at all, but again finished the race. Ocon again not much screen time and just sort of stuck at the back. Only thing I can credit them with is that they kept up with Lawson in a Red Bull till he crashed.
#f1#formula 1#formula one#f1 2025#mclaren#ferrari#mercedes#red bull#sauber#aston martin#mercedes amg petronas#scuderia ferrari#mclaren f1#red bull racing#rbr#alpine f1#haas f1 team#williams racing#williams f1#racing bulls#rb#lando norris#oscar piastri#lewis hamilton#charles leclerc#carlos sainz#alex albon#aus gp 2025#melbourne gp 2025#melbourne gp
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its so embarassing likee. going to talk abt a feeling you have but you already know ppl will be like Oh that sounds like depression lol and its like. well yes . i know . trust me i am so aware i am depressed . but its still like a thing ive been thinking abt and wanting to talk abt but ik itll just be like Ok hun đ. idk idk what response i would want tho ig FNFNFNF
#not anything serious i was just thinking how like. idk. this is gonna sound rly stupid#but for me personally like. sometimes. How do i phrase this without sounding rly evil#i think obv ppl can spend their money however they want but like. its kind of hard 4 me to grasp sometimes like. there r things that ppl#spend a lot of money on bc it makes them happy like umm. vacations or pets or hobbies or whathaveyou. and obviously thats fine but#i iust feel like its all so. temporary and like. idk. idt im ohrasing this right at all i just likee. the thought of working all year to#afford to take a vacation and then working again to afford another vacation just makes me feel like i want to die. like. idk... i like#vacations we dont need to go on them a lot but ig its just like. everything we do just feels like a waste of time. not in like a Ohh you#should be doing more work Obviously its just like. idk. maybe it is just me. but i feel like im just waiting until i die and can be done#with it i guess. and everything i do is just to fill time until that happens. yk ? which is silly bc of my whole. Thing i cant talk abt#but ppl talk abt like. going out and partying or going on vacation or whatever and i like. I like those things its nice when they happen#but they dont rly make me longterm any happier i guess. everything just feels like another thing im doing. idk. this rly isnt coming out the#way it is in my head. and Again i know this is just depression shit or whatever im just like. its all exhausting. it just makes me feel so#tired. to think abt working and working and working so i can pay to be alive and i can save to do one fun thing every so often to keep me#sane enough to keep working and working and working and i probably wont ever be able to retire itll just be. work. and then ill die. yk.#but i feel like the vacations and stuff dont like. refresh me very much. maybe its just bc ive only been on one 'vacation' as an adult and#it was just like. coming home to see my family. and realizing id have to move back home yk..#+ like. my mom nd my gran taking me out for a weekend when i lived up there#nd those things were nice and all but once its over its like. it doesnt fuel me to keep going it doesnt make me feel any better abt having#to work for the rest of my life#ik im being ridiculous bc im literally unemployed and i cant even get up off my ass to get my stupid fucking ged so i can get a job and be#Useful to my family its just like. idk.... i try so hard to be like Oh nothing mayters and thats why everything matters type thing like. Yes#all things end and the point is to just try to be happy until it does#but i feel like it just doesnt happen for me. i feel like any happiness i feel is so insanely like. it happens and then its gone. and its#back to just. the knowledge that im still fucking stuck here. and i will be until it happens. yk. i play video games tomoass the time until#i go back to sleep then i wake up and i make a spreadsheet to pass the time until i go back to sleep#and everyday just feels like passing the time until i go back to sleep and itll just keep going until it happens. and its nice to have nice#days but whats like. the point. yk. everything just ends#IDK. this is all very whiny im sry. ive just been feeling it a lot lately . i hope this doesnt feel like me being like Ohhh you ppl r so#dumb participating in hobbies and going out and having fun dont you know yr gonna DIE? thats not what im trying to be like#its just like. i feel like it doesnt make me as happy as it does other ppl like. none of it refreshes me or makes me want to keep going
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Main thoughts on The Acolyte based on the first 5 episodes.
Seeing a different era of the Republic and Jedi has been neat.
Sol asked Mae pretending to be Osha where her sister was. That and other little things about how heâs behaving with her and looking at her make me suspect he either suspects she may in fact be Mae, or outright know sheâs Mae and is playing along to try to get her to the ship easier and maybe get more info, possibly even gain some trust or something with her.
Not to brag too much. But when Qimir first showed up I thought he'd be doing some drunken master shit or something. And I feel I wasnât far off. Also. Gotta be honest he did look great doing all his crimes.
The force witch coven was cool.
Im really curious where the Qimir stuff goes. He says he has no name but the Jedi would call him sith. Now that can be interpreted a couple ways. Personally? It could be a lie for a few reasons, but considering how confident he was and his stated desire -freedom- Iâm inclined to believe him. I admit though, I think itâs more interesting if heâs not Sith but instead just something else or something new.
âŠspeaking of which. I do like digging into more of the Jedi beliefs and potential misdeed. Thereâs layers of complexity to their practices for sure, but theyâve always been a little bit pushy about their beliefs and practices. They are the only -or maybe one of very few- recognized force using organizations in the Republic, and I think that has some ramifications that are being explored here. They are light users, quasi-monastics, and still a religious organization with political ties. When you look at it together, Anakin being the balance of the force makes sense, even all the main movies show the force is dark and light and both will always exist. The Jedi try to reject the dark completely oftentimes, which is not balanced. The Jedi often act as absolutist and for lack of a better word supremacistic, and certainly it seems like this is a period where that is in full force. I mean, we will see what happened exactly with the witches -which may not have been officially sanctioned but still indicates the presence of a certain attitude towards force users other than jedi.
Also related to above -tbh we needed a paragraph break. Qimir brings up a good point about freedom -even if heâs also probably evil, again weâll see I guess. However again my point: limiting the force strictly is never going to work long term.
That said. I really enjoy Star Wars when it is willing to interrogate the idea that the dark side is always evil. And this series has, poked at it a little. Iâd love to see it poke more. (Tbh the oppositional duelism of the force is a bit simplistic, and I find the ideas that the force is just the force, an undivided energy that has been dogmatically perceived through a dualistic lens for millennia by most of the galaxy but isnât actually more interesting.)
#star wars the acolyte#long post#i kinda got rambly there. Oops#Also. Iâve always liked the idea of so many force orders#And also after their fall so many ânew/secretly survivingâ Jedi orders arising#Like. They are gone. What they were is gone bc all things end. Maybe this is just going to let progress and change happen#After so long of tbh stagnation#Thatâs imho what the prequels show. The republic is in a state that things must change bc for too long they havent#I think this show is the beginning of that decline. The bubble is starting to burst itâs just going to take a couple centuries#The og deals with the immediate fallout of the bubble bursting#The sequels are trying to just rebuild and grapple with how to move forward#âŠwhich the plot being at war with itself over what the future should be is ironically further driving that point across#Huh. Anyway tags are an extra bonus tonight I guess
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god...
#maybe i shouldnt have read some of the pages of proj 2025#i feel sick to my stomach and i want to cry#like i rly could have just gone to bed and idk how i ended up here#what has the US gone to. literally the only thing standing in the way of a fucking theocracy is a guy with memory problems#and like no. hes not the best candidate. but he is the ONLY way proj 2025 can be stopped. and the fact that ppl are willing to 1) vote third#party 2) vote for him 3) not vote at all just bc the debate went terribly......... i rly am just one guy in this world.#and i normally am so optimistic but i just cant see any hope rn#the bears were making me feel like i was making a difference and just.......... i feel powerless. and small. and utterly defeated.#rant tw#trump tw#negativity tw#apple lady words
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*closes 13 tabs on astrology and greek mythology*
ES Ch.5⊠is now complete.
#Everything Stays#writing stuff#Sevenâs Celestial Commentary#there were 30 tabs in total by the time i was done doing all my research for this chapter but the other 17 werenât astrology related#theyâre full of name definitions and foods and childrenâs books and FNaF wiki pages#but yes! more time than iâd like and 13k+ words later⊠the chapter feels ready to go#gotta give it one final editing sweep and draft it up on Ao3 but itâll be ready in time for the ficâs anniversary!!! which was my goal#exciting news for the few of you who out there that maybe hopefully havenât given up on this story in spite of yet another long hiatus#(full transparency: this post and the following tags were drafted a few days ago and then i. never posted it.)#***the Preceding tags not the following tags#(so! take this as your official announcement that ES Ch.5 is now live on Ao3! i did it!! i posted it on the anniversary!!!)#(with one entire hour to spare CST! wow look at me go)#(no honestly iâm very disappointed in myself that my time management failed me once again. bc i wanted the chapter to go up at 7pm not 11pm#and i wanted to have the Edit Log and Appearance Reference Sheet posted here already so i could link them.#but itâs okay we live and we learn and one day iâll learn to start working on things further in advance to give myself more time#and honestly extra stuff aside the chapter wouldâve at least gone up at an earlier hour#had the curse of being an Ao3 author not befallen me at 5pm by thrusting a fucking family emergency into my day#like everyoneâs okay itâs all fine now but jesus christ what kinda timing. the ONE DAY THAT THE FICâS ANNIVERSARY FALLS ON#and somehow it ends up involving four police cars :)#but that was not gonna fucking stop me from posting this chapter today. nothing could! i may be unreliable and inconsistent#but i wouldnât be able to rest knowing that i missed this fucking anniversary#anyways. tempted as i am i Will Not overshare but iâll reiterate that everythingâs fine now! and Ch.5 is up so iâm going to sleep#will re-review the chapter and make any little edits tomorrow that my tired brain didnât catch tonight. thereâs always a few that slip by#okay thatâs all from Present Day Seven goodnight i am very tired pls go read Everything Stays i will love you forever and even kiss you#if you want. or weâll actually maybe donât read it yet maybe gimme a few days to review it and catch any more edits that need making#***well not weâll. i hate mobile tags
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Really funny this white dude in my speech class group i remember he kept making eye contact with me and i was like does he like me um and turns out he did that with everybody white people weird
#cherry says#anyways fun inside GOD THAT SEMESTER WAS STICKY my mom could not take unemployment well#me i got used to the cycle of looking for jobs getting nothing then stop looking bc my mom said dont worry about it ill pay the bills#i did that over and over and with film jobs id just look at texas film commission sometimes just to look#but i myself got used to the job hunting so i felt zoned out from it yet#that area felt as much a daydream as my wanting to go make a movie i didnt think i wanted to tell myself that#especially because i still was doing acting looking for acting#but yeah there was times my mom would make violent fits she would wonder what was happening#i think those times revealed a lot of the weird complexity of our relationship after high school#i didnt pity her but i did feel like i owed her something i believed so many things she told me#i feel like she wanted me to see her work as a sacrifice so i must do this and that but it was way deeper#parental love became a fucking duty to show it that was just it i did what she said#to at the same time comfort myself when i had no job and maybe even to comfort myself for being scared#i think tbh i need to face that past action that i was scared i was scared of reality even if it was a reality she talked of#i was scared of growing up and didnt wanna think about it i was scared of the future in 2 months when class ended#so maybe my mom with no job suddenly presented the risks we were all taking#maybe it made me more scared of what was to be on the outside#somebody who put fear in my head who said dont worry u study i work and that was gone#perhaps i shouldve taken that opportunity to realize NOTHING LASTS.#YOUR MOTHER WHO ALWAYS MADE IT SOUND LIKE THE WORLD WAS CONTROLLED AND PREDICTED BY HER IS AS VULNERABLE AS YOU NOTHING LASTS#but i didnt i instead became the punching bag again the quiet good girl and kept on thats a lot to swallow even more
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â© â§âË â©ăyours, always yours
synopsis. satoru has always been yoursâand he needs you to know youâll also always be his
â word count. 2.4k (read the breakup fic first for better understanding, but can be read as a stand-alone)
â contents. fem! reader, college! au, rich boy! gojo, post-getting back together angst that gets a little heated <3, minors do not interact, fingering, unprotected sex, edging, satoru cumming too quick <3, creampie, tbh the smut is short and a lil rushed my b, it ends in fluff tho !! trust !! there is fluff !!
â notes. tbh this will probably get flagged rly fast but oh well u win some u lose some. anywayyyyy here is the make up sex bc yall nasties deserve it <3 jk love u guys
satoru falls first. and he falls hard. everyone knows it, itâs never been a secret.
âyou want me to wash your hair?â you ask gently, kissing his shoulder as the water falls over his head. he hums, nodding absentmindedly as he stares blankly at the tiles of your shower wall.
âsure,â he mumbles, âdonât tug.â
âi never tug,â you roll your eyes, snorting. he huffs a small chuckle, but itâs not the usual laugh satoru gives you. itâs mechanic, almostâjust there to fill the space. âbaby?â you ask softly.
âyeah?â he asks, âoh, should i bend a little? sorry, iââ
âwhatâre you thinking about?â your hands cup his cheeks, gentle and warm from the hot water as it soaks his skin.
he shakes his head, trying to smile as he clears throat. âjust how nice it is to be pampered. maybe iâll let you break my heart every once in a while so i get my back scrubbed and hair washed like this.â
âsatoru,â you insist. you knowâand he knows it too. âtell me?â
âwhyâd you do it?â he mumbles, âwhyâd you listen to him?â
âtoru, you know why,â you sigh, âyou know i didnât think there were any other options.â
âyou couldâve talked to me,â he furrows his brows, âjust because my stupid old man threatens you with my stupid inheritance doesnât mean we have to break up.â
âi was afraid youâd choose me.â it comes out as a whisper, like a confession you canât bear to admit.
âi would have chosen you,â he agrees, âwhyâs that bad? howâs that wrongââ
âyouâre not thinking about the bigger picture,â you shake your head, âthat company is yours. youâve spent your whole lifeââ
âso what? was i supposed to give up the rest of my life for it too?â he asks tiredlyâsatoruâs defeated. heâs never been defeated, itâs the most magnetizing thing about him.
even before you date him. he asks and asks and asks no matter how many times you say no. because thereâs always a chance youâll say yes, and heâll never stop as long as thereâs a chance.
âiâm sorry,â you sniffle, lips wobbling, âi could haveâŠ.i should have said something. i didnât want you to make a choice young and thenâŠ.and then regret it.â
âyou think iâd regret you?â heâs woundedâabsolutely wounded at the words.
satoru has always been careful, diligent and so, so meticulous to love you right, to love you how you need to be loved. hadnât that proven enough? that he was in it for the long runâfor forever? heâd been so sure youâd be his future, that the break up feels like waking up from a peaceful dream to a house fireâdevastating, with smoke in his nose and lungs that he canât breathe right, and everything gone within a moment before he can even register it.
he stares at the ashes in despair. nothing prepared him for the hollowness of not being yoursâbecause satoru has never cared to make you his. all heâs ever wanted was to be yours.
youâre quick to remove him from everything, deleting pictures from your socials, untagging him from posts, removing him from your private stories and close friends list. he doesnât understand how you could change your mind so quicklyâand then he realizes you probably donât. because he knows youâbetter than anyone ever has, satoru knows you.
so heâs comes to you, drenched from the rain, from standing outside your door even as the water pelts against his skin because heâs determined. heâs going to get an answer out of you, going to make you explain why you pulled him in so close, let him reside in your heart and fall asleep to the comforting rhythm of its beatingâand then push him out like heâs nothing. what made you push him out?
and finally, when he does, when you let him be yours again and admit itâs never what you wanted, that itâs because itâs what his father wantedâwell, satoru canât keep his composure. donât you know? hadnât he always told you? hadnât he poured his heart out and let you know every moment heâs always been stuck dangling from his fatherâs fingers? stuck somewhere between the sky and ground, too high to feel the floor under his feet but never high enough to feel the wind in his face.
youâve always known, always listenedâand fuck, you held him some nights too, let your fingers dip into his hair and soothe his sorrows of always being stuck.
satoruâs always been stuck, always had every choice made for him and every instruction carefully laid out on the table. and then you decided to make his choice for him too, walking away and choosing his future for him like heâs never had a say.
heâs always been stuck, but never with youâbut now, he wonders if thatâs changed.
âno,â you squeeze his cheeks, âno i donât think youâd regret meâŠ.but satoru losing what you have is a big thing,â you mumble, âpeople work their whole lives not having a fraction of what you do. thatâs a lot to let you lose.â
âiâve never seen my dad kiss my mom,â he stares at you, hard and unwavering, his eyes stare into yours, âheâs never held her hand or made her laugh. and you know what she told me? that she would sell her share of everything to have what we do. why do you always look at me for what i have first?â he asks angrily, the water pouring over his shoulders as they shake, âwhy canât you just look at me first for once?â
âi do look at you,â you insist, âtoru, all i ever see is youââ
âthen stop caring what he says,â he says louder, his voice echoing through the small bathroom of your small apartment.
everything about your home is smallâsmaller than satoruâs especially. but he loves it, thinks heâd rather be here than anywhere else.
because itâs yours. and as long as youâre here, the world fits into this tiny apartment, the galaxy too.
âokay,â you say shakily. and then you nod, looking him in the eye, âyouâll handle it?â
he nods, kissing between your brows, âyeah, iâll handle it. who else is gonna take over that company anyway?â
âbut what if he finds someone else? and then heââ
âhe wonât. my grandpa will shred him.â
âbut heâs old, and he stepped down, so what really can he do if your dad decidesââ
âgod, baby,â he groans, pushing your body against the wall gently, âi love your voice, but you talk so much. iâm wanna listen to something else.â
his lips find your neck, sucking gently at the skin, hand trailing to your tits before his thumb circles your nipple. itâs slow, deliberate, teasing as it rolls over the bud.
you whimper, clutching onto him as a breathy, ât-toru,â leaves your lips.
âyeah,â he nods, âthatâs what i wanna listen to instead.â his lips are in a grin against your neck, kissing and biting until he reaches your collarbone. âanyone dm you after you took me out of your socials?â he asks bitterly.
âj-just one,â you admit through a stutter, âb-but i didnât even open it! i wasnât reallyâoh, toru,â you gasp as his finger finds your clit, spreading your legs as he lets out a soft growl at your words.
âwhat? just cause my face isnât on your instagram suddenly youâre not mine?â he asks, thumb rubbing harsh circles against the sensitive bundle of nervesâyou close your eyes, moaning as your arms wrap tightly around his neck. âyouâre always mine,â he murmurs against your ear, low and careful so you hear him well, âyeah? got that?â
âgot it,â you nod furiously.
âgot what?â
ââm al-alwaysâoh, fuck,â you mewl as one finger prods at your entrance, gathering your slick before slowly sliding through your walls.
âcâmon, sweetheart,â he says firmly, âfinish your sentences.â
âalways yours, toru! always yoursâplease, please j-justâŠâ
âjust what?â he raises a brow.
âmore,â you sobâitâs a broken plea as your hips thrust against his finger.
heâs quick to slide in a second, thrusting his digits mercilessly into your soaked cunt, his palm gliding over your clit as the slick sound of his fingers fucking you is almost drowned by the water in the back.
your water bill will be high this month. you decide itâs a sacrifice satoru deserves.
âyou think someone could ever learn this body better than me? make you cum like i can? you think anyone will ever love you enough to learn you like i do?â
ân-no,â you pant, his fingers hitting that spot inside of you so perfectly, you feel that dull ache build up quickly. itâs goodâeverything with satoru is good. his other hand finds your chest to pinch a nipple, twisting and squeezing until your nails leave indents on his shoulders as you moan loudly. âno oneâno one but you.â
âexactly,â he growls, âhow could you leave me? how could you leave us?â
ââm sorry,â you sniffle, whimpering when the tips of his fingers slam against that spongey spot of your walls, fluttering around him and squeezing him in. youâre closeâso close that you almost donât know what heâs saying anymore, too focused on the way your impending orgasm is approaching. fast. âiâm sorry, iâll neverâever leave again.â
âsay you love me,â he demands.
it sounds like heâs pleading, though, if you listen closely. thereâs a small crack in his voice, a slight shakiness that makes you force your eyes open and stare at him and whisper, âi love you, satoru. i love you.â
and then he rips his fingers outâright before youâre about to cum. you gasp, pleading nonsense as you cling to him and buck your hips and search for something, anything to take you over the edge.
and then you hear a sniffle. is he crying? is that wet droplet on your shoulder a tear or the water? youâre too busy calming down from your orgasm dying before it ever came to focus.
satoruâs hard against your thigh, throbbing and painful to sink into you. he strokes himself a few times, whimpers as his thumb gathers the pre cum from the sensitive tip, smearing it along his length as he shakily lets out a quiet moan.
âf-fuck, i gotta feel you. please, can i? pleaseââ
âyes,â you pull him closer, grinding your heat over his hard-on, âyes please, toru. more, need more.â
heâs sliding along your folds, dragging the tip of his cock along your entrance and smearing a mix of your arousal with his. and then slowly, ever so gently, heâs pushing into your after that, pushing past your walls and bullying into your soaked cunt, curving into you perfectly.
itâs only been a weekâyou feel like you havenât felt him in years. but itâs familiar. you remember every part of him, including every vein that drags along your walls and makes your head spin. he remembers every part of you, including where that spot is that he needs to angle his hips to find.
he slams into you, hard and rough and fastâdoesnât even let you adjust your position to hold onto him tighter before heâs thrusting his hips and fucking into you desperately. you can feel him, every inch of his skin against you, every part of him thatâs touching you. and you can feel the way his cock nudges past your folds, the friction burning pleasure through ever nerve.
satoru knows how to fuck you, just like he knows how to love you, he knows your bodyâevery dip and ever curve, every place to touch and every part that has you gushing around him. itâs just the way he is, too good at giving you what you want, what you need.
when he moans, itâs breathy and heâs panting as he lets out those soft whimpers that make your head spin. âfeel that? feel me?â he asks, grunting as you squeeze around his length.
âyeah,â you breathe, ââm so full.â
âi need you. please, please,â he murmurs, âcanât lose you, baby. never you,â he chants, the quiver in his voice tearing you apart.
âiâm right here,â you gasp, lacing your fingers with his and squeezing his hand. he squeezes back, just to let you know heâs there too, âright here, baby. you got me.â
and then he cums, just as soon as you whisper thatâhe spills right into you with a broken cry, his hips rolling, needy and desperate and so, so lost on the pleasure. heâs too busy working himself through his high, trembling over your body to care heâs cum too quickâand you donât have it in you to tease him. you can feel the hot ropes of cum filling you, painting your walls white, fucking deep into you as the blunt head of his cock slams into you without a second of hesitation.
but he doesnât stop, doesnât falter that brutal pace as his hips slam into you, perfectly kissing your sweet spot every time. and before long, you breakâyour head pushes back against the wall behind you, mouth parted as you wail his name and cumâhard. youâre quivering and spasming around his swollen cock, enough that he whimpers at the way youâre so tight.
itâs good, itâs always good. satoru makes you feel good. heâs the best youâve ever hadâthe best youâll ever find.
and then you hear it again, the sniffle into your neck as he clutches you tightly. you know for sure that wet droplet is a tear this time, and your fingers tangle into his hair as you stroke the wet strands.
âi love you, toru,â you murmur, âmy sweet boy. iâm sorry, okay? iâm so sorry.â
âdonât do that again,â he huffs in between tears, âthat was so mean. so mean.â
âi said i wonât,â you chuckle, fighting back your own tears, âhow long are you gonna hold this against me?â
âhow long do you plan on being mine?â
âwell,â you pull him from your neck, cupping his cheeks as you wipe away tears and peck his lips softly, âi thinkâŠ.forever.â
âwell, get ready, then,â he glares softly, âiâm gonna hold this against you forever too.â
âokay,â you nod, âthatâs fair.â
âand i love you too,â he adds, âbut block whoever dmâd you. it better not be that zenin boy.â
âblock those girls whoâs pictures you liked,â you shoot back, glaring at him with a pout of your own.
âdonât yell at me,â he mumbles, leaning into your touch as your thumb strokes his cheek, âiâve had a rough week. you have to be nice.â
dabitee anon. are u seeing this. did u see the satoru who cums too fast. did u see it. report back if u saw this. i repeat, dabitee anon report back if you see this
#teepods.writings#thirstee!#rich boy! au#fics.#gojo x reader#gojo x you#gojo smut#gojo angst#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk smut#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut
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i want nobody but you | p.sh

synopsis â you and sunghoon have known each other your whole lives and although you've both dealt with jokes from classmates since elementary school on how you two would end up together, that never ended up happening; you two would brush it off and then move on. you never really thought about pursuing something with him romantically, especially since you like things with a more casual approach. but once sunghoon's girlfriend becomes a part of the picture, you can't help but feel these feelings consume you. being the way you are, however, you managed to push them down and you at least thought you got over them until you realize maybe they never left at all. or even worse: they were always there.
feat. â yujin (ive) & sungchan (riize)
genre â college au, friends to somewhat enemies to lovers, romance, smut, angst (eh, ig), slowburn (ig? srry lmao)
pairing â nonidol!sunghoon x fem!reader
warnings â MDNI, smoking !! (reader and sunghoon both smoke), drinking, cursing, mention(s?) of death, mention of hookups, reader is called and referred to (sometimes self referred to) as a: slut/whore; slutshaming, !! potential sh reference (pinching/hitting self; dk if that counts, but it's not mentioned after) !!, mentions of sex (obvi)
w.c. â 22.7k
a/n â long time no see lol. lmk if u would be interested in seeing some pics i took at the enha concert i went to :)) (i won't do vids because i was screaming like a baboon lmao) p.s. bear w me bc ik this is a long one, but i feel like i owe you all since i've been gone for practically a century, but pls give it a chance, i'm on my knees begging bc this took 3 days
disclaimer !! â i donât ship any idols i portray as dating in this story irl nor do i have the intent to portray anyone in this story in a negative light, this is just for creative purposes, babes <3; this is all just fiction, take it lightly pls and thx
!!DO NOT COPY OR REPOST!!
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Today has been a long day. You groan as you take a seat on a bench somewhere near the lecture hall you just left and you close your eyes as you lean back against it. You had originally thought your senior year of high school was torturous, but being a senior in college was far worse. Your eyebrows furrow a bit when you feel the weight of the bench shift a bit, meaning someone has taken a seat beside you. Your eyes open a bit and you turn your head to see Sunghoon next to you. A sigh escapes your lips and you turn your head away, closing your eyes again.Â
Sunghoon sits there for a moment, looking at you. Lately, you two havenât hung out as much and although he admittedly forgot to text you for the past week and half, you were still his best friend. He could argue, though, that âthe phone works both waysâ, so youâre not exactly innocent either. Heâs seen you around campus, hanging out with some members of the basketball team, mainly the captain: Sungchan. You didnât seem bothered by the lack of contact between the two of you, either, so it didnât bother him or make him feel guilty that you havenât hung out in just a few days. NoâŠnot at all.
âNice to see you, too.â he mumbles. You stay quiet, honestly close to falling asleep on the bench, especially with the warm breeze that is gently blowing. He narrows his eyes a bit and leans back against the bench. He does the same as you, closing his eyes as he relaxes, but he frowns to himself. âYou and Sungchan seem to be close.â he says, not really even understanding why he brought it up in the first place.Â
This piques your interest. âWhat about him.â you say rather than ask, still keeping your eyes closed.
Sunghoon shrugs, still not really sure why he cares who you hang out with or how often or who they are orâŠanything like that. Maybe it upsets him to think about the fact that you might replace him with someone cooler as your best friend; maybe he was too lame for you. How juvenile, he thought to himself. But thatâs what it felt like, to him, at least. âNothing. Iâve just seen you guys hanging out a lot, thatâs all.â Sunghoon replies.
âHow would you know that; we havenât really hung out or talked lately.â you reply, not meaning to sound snarky, but it most likely came across that way.
Sunghoon scoffs softly. âI have eyes; I can still see who you talk to.â
You open your eyes a bit and turn your head to look at him. âStalker.â you tease.Â
Sunghoon opens his eyes, almost as if he can feel you looking at him and he rolls them, not amused. âAm notâŠIâm just trying to start a conversation or whatever.â
âAbout the people I talk to?â
Sunghoon shrugs. âAbout anythingâŠâ It stays quiet for a moment. âItâs just been a while since weâve talked.â
âAnd whose fault is that?â You ask, rhetorically.
Sunghoon frowns. âWell, Iâve just been busy-â
You scoff, âYeah. I know.â You reply dryly.
âWhat is that supposed to mean?â
âNothing. Just that thatâs what you always say whenever we donât talk to each other for a while. Like, I get it, youâre dating Yujin, big whoop.â
Youâve considered the possibility that he has just been busy with schoolwork, but no matter how many times you would give him the benefit of the doubt, it always ended up being because he was hanging out with Yujin. You werenât really mad, per say, just annoyed. Severely annoyed. But what could you do? Ever since they started dating freshman year, youâve felt like you were on the backburner. Which, again, you canât really be upset about that. Afterall, sheâs his girlfriend, whether you liked it or not. There is nothing wrong with her, you two got along fine, even if you donât really talk or are even friends. You donât hate her, not for any valid reasons, anyway. Still, despite how many people you know, Sunghoon is your only real friend and always has been. But itâs times like these when it feels like he means more to you than you mean to him.
âSheâs my girlfriend.â He says, matter-of-factly.
You roll your eyes at his statement. âI know that,â you retort with annoyance, âyou only ever bring it up every chance you get.â
âYou seriously canât be annoyed that I spend time with my own girlfriend.â He responds with the same tone.
Sometimes, Sunghoon gets caught up in things. Like being with Yujin, for example. Heâll be with her and then it just slips his mind to respond to a text of yours or to ask if you want to do something, he canât help it. He knows that heâs your best friend and heâs certain that youâre his, too. Sure, Yujin means a lot to him, but you mean more, whether he would admit that or not. He just wants to make everything balanced, for everything to work out. But a part of him feels like something has been off since he started dating Yujin. Sure, heâs had other girlfriends, but never one for longer than a few months. This relationship is important to him. What if Yujin is the one? He canât screw it up and heâs afraid to, so he makes sure to spend as much time with her as he can. He thought you would understand, but apparently not.
Youâve met Sunghoonâs other girlfriends, none of which bothered you as much as Yujin. Maybe because this one seems more serious. Maybe because she seems more important to him. The thought makes your stomach curdle. This whole situation makes your stomach curdle. You shouldnât care so much, but you do. You hate that. âWhatever.â you reply, honestly not having thought of anything better to respond with. What were you supposed to say to that? Of course you understood, but that doesnât mean it doesnât suck.
âBesides, like I said, you and Sungchan have been hanging out a lot recently. Donât act like youâve never blown me off to hang out with him.â Sunghoon says.
âBarely.â
âNot barely. A lot. âOh, Sungchan invited me to his basketball game to watchâ, âOh, Sungchan invited me to a party,â âOh, Sungchan wants to hook upâ, âOh, Sungchan this and Sungchan thatâ.â Sunghoon mocks, annoyed.
You frown. âWhy do you care? Youâve got a girlfriend, so just hang out with her instead.â
Sunghoon frowns as well. âThatâs not the point. The point is that you ditch me just the same to hang out with a guy who youâre not even dating. You donât talk to me sometimes when youâre with him or another guy, so why are you so upset that I do the same with Yujin, who Iâm actually dating?â
âStop rubbing in the fact that youâre dating someone. Good for you, who gives a shit? So what if I do the same? Itâs only because you do it first!â you argue back. You grab your backpack and stand up as you put it on. You start walking away from him and he watches you as you leave.
âGreat talk!â he calls out to you in a sarcastic manner.
He didnât mean to make you upset or try to ârub his relationshipâ in your face, he would never try to intentionally make you upset. So, why did he care? He doesnât, itâs as simple as that. Maybe you doing the same thing to him with Sungchan bothered him a little. Maybe you wanting to spend your time instead with someone else youâre not even dating bothered him a little. But itâs not like he actually cared or anything. He knows he canât tell you what to do or who to see, so why does he care? He knows he blew you off, so why didnât he just apologize? Why did he bring up Sungchan in the first place? Sunghoon sits on the bench for a moment, rethinking things. Why was he acting like you were ignoring him when it was kind of the other way around? He sighs and closes his eyes again. Heâll figure it out later.
-
You let out a long yawn as the dim glow from your computer screen shines on your face. Itâs three in the morning, and sure, you have a class tomorrow, but you canât sleep and figure you can just skip your lecture anyway. Even if your brightness was all the way down, it still hurt your eyes every so often, so you would close them to make them feel better while you listened to the show you were watching. You hear your phone ding and your eyes open, your hand reaching for your phone to see the text.
âare you awake?â Sunghoon texts.
He knows you are. You almost always are, which is why he knew you would see the message. Although, he did anticipate the idea of you ignoring him. You were good at things like that, things that required a stubborn attitude. He didnât mind your stubbornness, though. He didnât mind anything when it came to you. He waited a bit, sitting in the darkness with just the light of his phone screen, his thumb gently tapping it so it doesnât automatically turn off as he waits for you to text back.Â
âyeah.â you text back.
It took you a few minutes and in all honesty, you almost didnât respond. But you missed him, which even if he asks directly, you would deny. You wonder if he missed you too, but you shake that thought away.
âstill pissy?â
This makes you laugh a little. Yes, you were, but you still found it a little funny.
âshut up.â you text back.
âwanna hang out?â
You sigh. Now he wants to? It takes you a while to reply with anything as you just stare at his message.
âcan u bring the usual?â you reply.
He smiles at your text. âduhâ he texts back.
You smile a bit, looking forward to actually hanging out with him. The whole argument was dumb anyway and you just wanted your best friend back. And after a while of waiting, you hear a knock on your dorm room door. You get up from your bed and unlock it, opening it as you step outside. He smiles softly when he sees you and you smile a bit back. You both quietly leave your dorm building before going outside and sitting on the curb. He sets the plastic bag he was carrying between you two and opens a bottle of beer before handing it to you. You take it and he opens his own, both of you taking a sip as a cool breeze blows softly.Â
âSorry about earlier,â he says quietly, âand for not talking to you for a week. I just got caught up with Yujin, you know?â
You take another drink, not really interested in discussing this anymore. âItâs fine.â
âI also wasnât trying to rub her and I into your face and make you feel bad or anything, itâs justâŠâ he trails off. Itâs silent for a moment as you both drink. âThis week has been shitty.â he mumbles.
âAmen to that.â you reply. He chuckles softly and you both clink your bottles before smiling and taking another drink.
âHowâs your love life going, anyway?â he asks, genuinely curious.
Sure, there were other things he wanted to talk about, could talk about, but this is what slipped out of his mouth first. He was actually curious, he truly wants to know. He just wants to see you happy.Â
You shrug, âThe same; just hook ups.â
He looks at you for a moment. Thatâs it? Youâve been hooking up with people since the beginning of high school. Sure, youâve dated some guys before, but they were all assholes; Sunghoon never liked them. He couldnât stand them, to put it plainly. You deserve better, and he knows that. But he also knows youâre not into relationships. You like things to be simple and direct. But when it comes to how you feel, he knew you werenât very expressive with that. Only when it comes to getting what you want. He kind of admires that about you.
âSoâŠno one in particular? You just kind ofâŠgo after who you think is the hottest?â
You grin, âSomething like that.â you take a sip, âSoâŠhow are things going with Yujin?â
You honestly hate that you asked. Why would you? Why would you want to hear about that? Surely, things must be going wonderfully if heâs so wrapped up in all that is her. But youâre still friends. Itâs normal to ask these kinds of questions, right? Maybe he wonât really say much anyway and youâll be a good friend for even asking. Thatâs what youâre hoping for, at least.
"Well... things have been kind of weird. She's been acting kinda distant recently; I don't know how else to explain it. She just seems really bored all the time. Like, the sex is good but it just seems like she's not into me anymore or something." he replies.
You give him a weird look as he brings up the topic of sex with Yujin. Gross. Just...Gross.
âDescribing sex with your âgirlfriendâ as good is never a good thing.â you say as you laugh a bit, taking a sip.Â
Sunghoon scoffs a bit. Why did it seem like you were happy to hear that? It irritated him a bit, but he brushed it off. âWell, I didnât mean it like that. Itâs more likeâŠitâs become something thatâs routine.â
âYeah, thatâs probably not a good sign.â
Sunghoon sighs. "I know... it's just so weird though. I mean, we've been together for so long, and she's never been the type to get bored like this. It just sucks. I'm worried if something happened between us that's making her not want to be with me anymore."
You look at him for a moment as he drinks. You hate seeing him upset and you know that Yujin means a lot to him, especially since this is his first big relationship. You frown a bit as you drink. âHave you asked her?â you take another sip, âArenât people in relationships supposed to communicate and shit?â
"Yeah, I asked her and she said everything was fine, but like... I don't know. I just have a feeling that she's not telling me something, and I've tried asking her multiple times, but every time, she always says everything's fine." he takes another drink. âThatâs pretty much what Iâve been spending last week doing, justâŠtrying to fix what may not even be broken.â he mumbles.
You feel bad now for getting upset at him for blowing you off. It makes sense and you just got defensive again, not really knowing what he was doing. You sit there for a moment, not really sure what to say. Sunghoon didnât mind the silence, though. He was trying to focus on Yujin and figure out why things feel this way when maybe, they arenât even that way at all. Maybe itâs him. He isnât sure, but he is sure that he already feels a million times better being with you, even if it is just sitting next to each other on a curb in silence.
âDo you cum?â you ask.
Sunghoon chokes on his beer a little, hitting his chest a bit as he coughs. He looks at you, not expecting your question at all, and as for you, well, you werenât really expecting to ask it. It kind of justâŠcame out. Your initial thought process was to ask more about his feelings on things in the relationship, seeming more like a routine, but it kind of led to you wondering if he even cums. In your defense, you thought that if he doesnât, then maybe the relationship is going downhill. You look at him, as if what you asked was totally normal, taking another sip of your beer. He looks back at you, seeming to have processed what you asked.
â...yeah, pretty much every time.â
âDoes she?â
Again, not something you really want to know, but you do want to help him.
â...sometimes, but most of the time she doesnât.â
You suck air through your teeth, âUh-oh.â
âItâs not a big deal, you know, so what if sometimes we donât? Itâs not about that, itâs just aboutâŠconnecting or whatever.â he mumbles as he takes a sip.
âSo, then what? Do you guys just likeâŠdo it yourself?â
âYeah, so?â
You laugh. You canât help it, itâs just too funny. Not his obvious pain with his relationship kind of going south, but the fact that he finds this to be normal. You at least found that funny.
âWhatâs so funny?â he asks, pissed off, but also slightly embarrassed.
âDude, I'm not a relationship expert, but like...shouldn't people who have sex, I don't know, finish every time? I mean, I have never really had that happen often with any of the guys I hook up with, but hey, what do I know.âÂ
"Well... I guess, but it's not a big deal to me. As long as she enjoys it, that's what's important. And, it's not like it happens all the time. Sometimes she does finish, but it's just... well, not as often as I would hope..." he takes another sip.
You roll your eyes to yourself. Kind of out of instinct. If youâre going to be frank, you donât give a damn about her.
You shrug, âI donât know,â you take another sip, âyou say you donât cum sometimes, how come?â
âI donât knowâŠit just happens?â
You shake your head, âNah, thereâs a reason.â
âBut the reason is dumb and I donât want to talk about this anymore.â he takes another sip.
âDo you think sheâs hot?â
What a stupid question. You wish you didnât ask it. Why would you want to hear him talk about yet again how hot he thinks she is. It makes your blood boil and you would rather bash yourself over the head with your beer bottle than hear him talk about how perfect she is. But, there is a small, small part of you hoping for a certain answer. Only a small part.
âOf course I do.â he replies, simply.
âSo, then, whatâs the problem?â
âSometimes I have a hard time finishing, happy? JesusâŠâ he mumbles as he drinks some more.
You roll your eyes. Youâve known each other your whole lives, you know when heâs lying.
âMmm,â you take another sip, âno, you see, sometimes when I hook up with guys, I suddenly don't feel attracted to them, so then sometimes I don't finish. So do you just like sometimes not like her or something?â
He shakes his head, "No, I'm always attracted to her. But... sometimes I have a hard time finishing, and I don't know why that is."
âWhat do you think about?â you ask, kind of quietly.
A part of you didnât want to ask that, besides, this conversation was becoming weird. But that small, small part of you was so desperately hoping for a certain answer. Fucked up? Yeah, most definitely, but that didnât seem to stop you.
âAbout what?â he asks, actually clueless.
âWhen youâre having sex, what do you think about?â you ask again, taking a sip of your beer.
â...about her, thatâs what youâre supposed to do, so,â he trails off, âSometimes IâŠthink about other things...â he answers, blushing a bit.
âLike what?â
âJustâŠrandom stuff. Why do you want to know anyway?â he asks, getting slightly defensive.
âMaybe that's what's distracting you. I don't know, spice things up with her or something. Or have an actual conversation with her about how you feel or whatever.â you mutter as you finish your beer.
He takes another sip of his beer. âWhy are you acting like some sort of relationship counselor? Youâve never even really been in a relationship yourself.â
Maybe he wanted to piss you off with what he said, but only so you could back off. âSpice things upâ? Yujin and him are fine, heâs deciding that right here, right now. He doesnât want your help with this or to even discuss it anymore with you. It feels weird. Besides, he doesnât want you to think that heâsâŠnot good at sex. Not for any other reasons, just thatâŠhe doesnât want you to think that about him.
You set your bottle down and look at him. âBecause youâre my friend? I donât know. Why do you care?â You hold your hand out, wanting him to hand the cigarettes he brought while your other hand digs into your sweatpants pocket for your lighter.
He reaches into the bag and hands them to you, knowing full well you could have grabbed them yourself, yet he still obliged. âSo, in all of your hooking up, have you ever had feelings for anyone you hooked up with? And not those bullshit feelings for your douchebag exes, like actual feelings. Or have they all just been hookups?â he asks, hoping to change the subject.
You open the pack, âHookups.â
âEvery single one?â
âMhm.â you answer, taking one out and putting it into your mouth, lighting it as you take a drag.
âSo youâve never fallen in love with anyone youâve hooked up with?â
You laugh, âFallen in love? How stupid.â you say as you take another drag.
âOkay, love might be a strong word, but like, have you never developed feelings for any of the people youâve hooked up with?â he asks, finishing his beer.
âNah.â
"Right, right. So, you're just all about hookups then, and that's cool, no shame or anything; I get it. But you've never felt even just a little bit of loneliness from it?" he asks as he sets his bottle down. You ignore his question, taking another drag. He knows by your reaction that heâs said something that bothers you. Whenever anything is mentioned that may reveal how you truly feel, you just block it off and move on. He sighs, not too sure why he bothered asking since you always ignore these types of topics. Sometimes, he wished you wouldnât. He wished you would be more open with him. It feels like he can talk to you about anything and everything, even if sometimes he doesnât want to, but he does anyway because youâŠwell, youâre you. "I mean, it's gotta get kinda boring... always hooking up, never really connecting with anyone. Unless you don't care about that kind of thing."
âLove is stupid.â you reply flatly.
What a groundbreaking opinion. Truly, nobody has ever felt or thought the same thing. Great stuff. Sunghoon sighs at your answer, not really getting why you wonât just tell him. He wants you to. He canât really explain why. It doesnât have to do with wanting to get some satisfaction out of helping you or changing you, but rather, sometimes he feels like he knows nothing about you. Youâre important to him, more than you could possibly understand, but still, sometimes, you seem so distant; like a stranger. He just wants to know that you trust him.
âSo, just because love hasnât exactly worked out in your life, you think love is stupid? I donât really think thatâs fairâŠjust because your ex boyfriends were assholes doesnât mean that true love doesnât exist.â
For some reason, him talking about true love pisses you off. It pisses you off greatly. You can feel your skin crawl and anger boiling up inside you, so you take a drag from your cigarette, blowing out the smoke, wishing it was something else you were getting rid of.
âItâs not about them.â you take another drag, âDo you love Yujin?â
You think you know the answer already. No, you know the answer indefinitely. There is only one answer. Why would he have spent the past threeâalmost four yearsâdating her if he didnât? You think about all the times he talked about her when they first started dating. You try not to, but your mind recalls all the details, how he said them, what he said, how he looked while he was talking. It made you sick.
His heart sinks a little when you ask the question. He stares at you for a moment, not responding to your question right away. He takes a long deep breath before he answers, âYes.â You sit silent. You heard his answer, but you donât want to acknowledge it. You take another drag from your cigarette, a longer one this time, blowing out the smoke slowly as you tap some of the tobacco from the butt of it off. âDo youâŠnot believe me?â he asks, watching you. He can tell something is on your mind, youâre just having trouble saying it. Heâs not asking to be snarky or anything, he asks in more of a gentle tone, just wanting you to open up or at least just say something remotely close to how you feel.
âNo, I do.â you answer quietly. For some reason, it hurts to say that. Itâs true, though; you do believe himâŠunfortunately.
Silence consumes the both of you, just sitting on the curb as time passes. Crickets chirp softly in the distance and the subtle burn of the tobacco from your cigarette fills it a bit, but not enough. He stares at you, both annoyed and concerned.Â
âThen what is it? Are you trying to say thereâs something wrong with my relationship?â he asks, suddenly defensive. Even he, himself, doesnât know why heâs suddenly so defensive about it, especially since he brought up the issue earlier, but he doesnât like thinking that you think there is something wrong.
âJesus, itâs not like that.â you respond, knowing full and well it is like that.
âThen spit it out; what are you trying to say?â
âShut up.â
You take another drag and he rolls his eyes, annoyed. âYou know, youâre so annoying sometimes.â
âSo are you.â
âYeah, I know, but youâre worse.â
You take another drag, genuinely wanting him to shut up, or for things to be normal. Or better yet, for things not to be complicated. âGo cry about it to your girlfriend.â
âScrew you.â
âDitto.â
âWhatever.â he says, pissed off.
âYeah, whatever.â you mumble as you take another drag.
He continues to look at you, pissed off at how you donât seem to care about anything. He used to like that a lot about you, how you never cared about what people thought and are able to brush anything off. Maybe âused toâ is a bit strong, he still likes that about you, but for right now, itâs incredibly infuriating.Â
âYou know, Iâve noticed that you always avoid giving direct answers to questions. Maybe thatâs why youâre so scared of commitment; Not willing to really speak your mind out of fear of hurting someoneâs feelings or your own.â he says, hoping this would piss you off enough to just say how you feel.
You roll your eyes, âShut up.â you say as you continue smoking your cigarette.
âNo, I won't shut up. In fact, I'm gonna keep talking because this is one of the rare occasions where weâre actually having a serious conversation and not just talking about petty stuff.â
You roll your eyes again. âI donât want to.â you reply, simply.
âToo bad. because I am really curious about it. So, Iâm just gonna keep asking questions. Like, have you ever experienced real heartbreak before? Because you seem like the type that just throws people away and moves on with no remorse.â You become quiet. Sure, you werenât answering before, well, barely, anyway. But this time, you feel like youâre shrinking. That type of quiet. The type of quiet you become when you feel like you got caught and you donât want to admit to what you did. You just smoke your cigarette. âAnd you donât just avoid answering questions about your romantic life, either. You do the same thing when it comes to family, friends, and anyone else. You just push people away and never actually let anyone get to know the real you.âÂ
âYou know the real me.â you say, looking at him. In all honesty, you were insulted. He was seriously telling you that he âdoesnât know the real youâ after you guys have been friends since you were two years old? What does that say about your friendship?
âNo, I really donât. All I know about you is the surface layer stuff that youâre willing to share, but I don't actually know you. No one does. Because you never let anyone get close enough.â he says as he looks you directly in the eyes, meaning every word he says. Well, maybe not every word, but it is how he feels. He doesnât want you to get frustrated, but if thatâs what it takes for you to finally say how you feel, then so be it. You do feel yourself getting frustrated and you look away, taking another drag. âAnd donât deny it, âcause you know itâs true. You just push people away and never let yourself be vulnerable, âcause if you did, then they could use that vulnerability against you. And god forbid anybody ever find out about your deepest insecurities-âÂ
âShut the fuck up.â you say, feeling anger seethe out of you. He sits there, somewhat stunned by your response. Not exactly that you became angry, but more so that he actually got a reaction out of you. He watches you as you put your cigarette out and stand up. âIâm going back to my room.â you mutter.Â
He stands up. âSeriously?â he says as he sees you start to walk away. He scoffs. âYouâre just going to leave? Like that? Whatever.â he mumbles as he grabs the pack of cigarettes you put back into the bag (the pack he specifically bought for you and always buys whenever you guys hang out like this). He opens it and grabs one, lighting it as he sees you turn around. You walk back over to him and snatch the pack of cigarettes from his hand. âThe hell?â he asks, annoyed, as he tries to grab it back.
You hold it out of his reach. âYou donât even like red Marlboros.â you say, almost tempted to take the one out of his mouth, too just to spite him.
âGive it back.â he says sternly as he takes a small drag from the one in his mouth, holding it between his fingers as he glares at you.
âNo.â
âItâs my pack of cigarettes.â
âThat you bought for me.â
âAnd I want it back.â
âWell, tough shit, Iâm not giving it back.â
âGive it.â he says as he holds out his hand. You ignore him and turn around, starting to walk away. He takes another drag, grimacing because youâre right, he doesnât like this brand, but heâs only doing this to spite you. He gets even more pissed off just seeing you walk away. âWhy are you always such a pain in the ass?â
âCould ask you the same thing.â you yell back.
He quickly puts out the cigarette and puts the bottles into the bag before catching up to you. âI'm not the one whoâs always being super mean and acting all mysterious about everything. Like, whatâs with all the attitude and snarky comments? Youâve been extra shitty lately.â
âFuck you.â
He scoffs, âYeah, thatâs what I thought. You know, youâre being shitty, you just donât wanna admit it.â
You stop walking and turn to look at him, throwing the pack at him. âThen go away.â
He grits his teeth and grabs the pack from the ground. He looks at you, âWhatever. I'm leaving. But just know, one of these days, youâre going to actually push someone away for good.â
âHopefully itâs you.â you say as you cross your arms.
âYeah, me too. Because I am so fed up with your bullshit.â
âGreat. Go away.â
He rolls his eyes and walks past you, his arm bumping into yours purposefully as he heads back to his dorm.
-
As Sunghoon makes his way to his lecture, he sees Yujin in the distance talking to some of her friends. He thinks about your conversation last night. He had hopes of confiding in you a bit more about how he felt, but of course thatâs not the way things panned out. He had no time to focus on that, even if he was feeling even worse now that he possibly lost his best friend for good. ShitâŠdid he really lose you for good? He feels his blood run cold, but heâs trying to forget it and focus on her. Sheâs his girlfriend, he has to remember that. He walks up to her, smiling a bit. She looks at him.
âOhâŠhey.â she says softly.
âHeyâŠcan we talk for a minute?â She nods her head and stands still. Sunghoon glances at her friends and then looks back at her. â...in private?â Yujin glances at her friends before following Sunghoon over into the library, taking a seat at a table near one of the back bookshelves, a little bit of space between the two of them. âIs there a reason youâve been acting like this lately? Do you notâŠwant to be with me anymore?â Sunghoon asks, just getting straight to the point.
Yujin is quiet for a moment. âEverything is fine.â she says.
He crosses his arms, feeling himself getting frustrated. Why canât people just be direct like you? Yeah, youâre not really direct with your feelings, but you are when it comes to anything else. âAre you sure? Because you've been really distant. We haven't been talking as often, you barely want to spend time with me... and it feels like you're avoiding being intimate with me, too. I had to almost beg you to spend time with me last week. Is there really nothing? Are you sure everything is fine?â Yujin listens and stays quiet. Sunghoon sighs. "You know, couples are supposed to communicate and shit, right? If something is bothering you, just come out and say it." Sure, he took a page from your book with what you said last night and perhaps some of what you said rang true after all, but heâs not really looking to give you a âyou were rightâ moment at this time.
âYou being friends with her bothers me.â Yujin says as she crosses her arms.
Sunghoon freezes for a moment, taken aback by her response. â...are you being serious?â he asks, not totally sure if sheâs just messing with him.
âYou hang out with her more than me to the point that I had to ask you to stop texting her whenever we would hang out and you always say youâre âjust best friendsâ, but I donât believe you. Do you have feelings for her?â
âDo YOU think I have feelings for her?â Sunghoon asks, becoming defensive while also avoiding answering her question directly.Â
âYes.â she answers, simply.
âWhat, do you think Iâll dump you for her or something?â
"She's a slut. You know it, I know it, everybody knows it. I don't care if you guys are close, I'm worried she is going to make a move on you and then you break up with me just for her to use you once and then ruin you; She's bad news." Yujin says.
He feels his jaw drop a bit at what she says. Did she seriously just say that? And so boldly? He feels himself become upset about the way she talks about you. He wants to defend you, he always has, but he frowns. What if this leads to Yujin breaking up with him? You did say last night that you two were done with each other, so why does it matter? He doesnât agree with Yujin, but he wants to save this relationshipâŠ
âYou really think I'm that naive? That I'd fall for a girl like her? Just because weâre close friends doesnât mean I automatically get feelings for her and forget about you. You know I'm smart enough to not get mixed up with someone like her.â he says, feeling like his heart is breaking as he says it. He wants Yujin to feel reassured, but after saying thisâŠit doesnât feel worth it.
âSo you agree.â Yujin says.
Sunghoon sits there, feeling like heâs about to throw up. Why is this so hard? Why canât he just say âyesâ and move on? Why canât he be happy with Yujin? He just nods his head. âI wouldnât fall for someone like her.â he says extremely quietly, almost as if he never wanted those words to leave his mouth. But they did and it was too late.
Yujin smiles, satisfied by his answer. She leans in and kisses his lips quickly, âI believe you.â she says softly.
Sunghoon hesitates, not glad that she believes him. Not glad that she said those things about you. Not glad that he said those things about you. Heâs just not happy. He gives her a small smile and kisses her cheek quickly. âIâm glad.â
-
You are sitting on a bench, scrolling through your phone as you wait for your next lecture to start soon. Sunghoon sees you as he exits his lecture hall and his gaze lingers on you for a moment. He sighs to himself a bit, feeling like he was being pulled in two different directions. The more he thinks about it, he feels as though Yujin was giving him an ultimatum to choose you or her. If she said it outright, there isnât a cell in his body that would hesitate to choose you. He thinks back to his conversation with Yujin in the library and he feels sick; he knows he did something wrong.Â
He walks over to you and takes a seat next to you, just wanting to make up and move on. To his surprise, however, you get up immediately and take your bag before walking away. He sits there, confused, but figures youâre still upset about the argument last night. He gets up and he follows you before catching up and gently grabbing your arm, but you end up taking it away and start walking again. He bites the inside of his cheek before stepping in front of you, âWhy are you walking away from me?â
âGet away from me.â
âNo.â he said as quickly as the words left your mouth.
You look at him, feeling your eyes sting, hot tears wanting to form, but you blink them away. âYou should probably go find your girlfriend, you wouldnât want to be seen hanging out with a slut like me, right?â you ask rhetorically.
âHey-,â he cuts you off, frowning instantly when you call yourself that. âStop itâŠyou know I donât see you that way.â
âThatâs a fucking lie; I heard you talking to Yujin. Or are you surprised about that too since you were in the library and someone like me couldnât possibly be in a place like that.â you say as you cross your arms, swallowing as if that will help mask your clear frustration.
â...what?â he asks quietly, freezing as he realizes what youâre saying.
âI heard you. I heard you agree with her when she called me a slut. I heard you say you "would never be stupid to fall for someone like me". Well, fuck you. Go be with your perfect girlfriend, asshole.â you say before you push past him, swallowing again, but this time to stop yourself from crying.
âWait-â he tries to grab your arm again, but you pull it away and keep walking. He feels his heart sink as he watches you walk away. The world felt as if it just collapsed. He feels like heâs sinking and as he watches you become further from him, he feels like heâs lost everything. Heâs holding his breath, not necessarily realizing he is, almost as if he exhales, heâs not sure he has the strength to take another breath knowing heâs hurt you; he doesnât deserve to.
-
Everything moves in slow motion, all voices muffled, as Sunghoon feels himself being dragged inside of a party by Yujin. He can hear and see her laughing and talking with her friends as they walk inside the loud and crowded atmosphere, but he feels as if heâs hollow. He stands there like a zombie as Yujin talks and greets some of her friends. Heâs not sure how it happened, especially since it was almost midnight and he honestly just wanted to go to sleep, but he somehow ended up here. His eyes felt heavy as they looked around the room, but he subconsciously stood up straighter when his eyes landed on you. It was like he had been resuscitated, his heart beating rapidly as he sees you and then he sees him.
Sunghoon rolls his eyes, noticing how Sungchan was standing closely to you, how his eyes scanned every inch of your body with some stupid, smug smirk on his face. Sunghoon rolled his eyes again and grimaced at the sight. He sees how you whisper something into his ear, Sungchan grinning as he places his hand on your hip. Suddenly, Sunghoonâs heart stopped again as his gaze fixates on his hand. His hand grips Yujinâs tightly as he clenches his jaw and his other hand curls into a fist, his fingernails digging into the palm of his hand. His breathing becomes heavy as he sees you smile, smile in a way heâs never had you smile at him before as your hand caresses Sungchanâs cheek while you clearly flirt back with him. Sunghoon was livid. He feels like an extra in his own life as he watches you fall for someone like that.
âBabyâŠ?â Yujin asks, loosening her hand and taking it away from him since he was practically cutting off her circulation.
âIâm fine.â he mumbles, hints of anger and annoyance clear in his tone. He doesnât look at her as he answers and she catches on.
She looks to where his gaze is and then she looks back at him, upset. âWhy are you looking at her?â she asks as she crosses her arms. âYou told me you donât have feelings for her. Iâm your girlfriend, not her.â
âStop, Yujin, itâs not like thatâŠâ he mumbles, annoyed as he keeps looking at you and Sungchan. He watches as Sungchan puts his arm around your waist and he feels like the air has just been knocked out of him. His tongue pokes the inside of his cheek as he glares at the two of you, wanting nothing more than to shove him off of you.
Yujin scoffs, âI donât even see how you could have feelings for a slut like her.â she mumbles, taking a sip of a drink her friend brought for her. Sunghoon keeps his attention on you. How Sungchan keeps you close, whispers in your ear to make you giggle and you indulge in it, how he touches you, and how he looks at you as if heâs some sick animal that wants to devour you. âDid you even hear me?â Yujin asks, pissed off.
âYeah, I heard you.â Sunghoon mumbles as he continues watching the two of you.
Yujin glares at him and then grabs his hand, dragging him away from her friends. Sunghoon just goes along with it and as Yujin starts dragging him upstairs, Sungchan leas in and kisses you. Sunghoonâs eyes widen as he continues going upstairs with Yujin, her dragging him into an empty bedroom and closes the door behind them. Sunghoon feels like all thoughts had escaped him when he saw that and he stands there with only one thing on his mind: you.
âLetâs have sex.â Yujin says as she looks at him.
Sunghoon snaps out of it and looks at her, feeling like this is his first time seeing her tonight. He looks at her in confusion, not wanting to since he only has you on his mind, but he doesnât want to upset her any further, so he nods his head. Yujin pulls him towards her and kisses him. He hesitates, feeling himself grimace, but he tries to ignore it and kiss her back. He doesnât want to be up here with her, he wants to be down there with you. As they continue to kiss, Yujin begins to undress herself and Sunghoon feels himself tense up. He tries to forget about you and focus on her, thinking maybe helping her undress would help, but it doesnât. Not even a little bit.Â
Yujin moves them over to the bed as she keeps kissing him and he sits there, partially kissing her back and also sitting stiff as a board. He knows this is supposed to be hot for him, having a practically naked girl on him, but he only finds himself wishing it was you. Yujin kisses down his neck as she takes off his shirt and he feels like heâs zoning out, not moving a muscle. Yujin moves her hands along his chest and down his body and then stops kissing him as she looks at him.
âYouâre not even hard.â she says as she frowns. Sunghoon just stares at her, not necessarily surprised, but he still feels bad. "What the hell do you even like about her? She's a fucking whore who opens her legs for any and every guy. She has nothing else to offer besides her fucking pussy, which probably is already stretched beyond repair." Yujin says, angry. "She's nothing! She's not even special and yet she always gets any guy she wants. Well, why does she get you too?" Yujin tears up. "I'M your girlfriend, not her! Do you even love me?" Yujin asks, frustrated.
Sunghoon knows her anger is justified and he feels awful for feeling like he wants her to be you instead. As he watches and hears her say all of these things, he feels bad for treating her like this, but he also becomes angry at listening to what sheâs saying about you. He feels bad for saying it feels like he doesnât know you, because he does, and he knows youâre nothing like who she says you are.
âAnswer me!â Yujin yells.
âI do love you.â Sunghoon says quickly.
â...do you love her?â
He stays quiet. Does he love you? He doesnât know how to answer that. He knows he cares about you more than anyone else, he knows that even when you two fight, he would never want anyone else but you to be by his side, he knows that youâre the only one who gets him, he knows he likes making you smile and laugh and sometimes when you look at him, he feels like he can just look back at you forever. But is that love? Then, what is it he feels for Yujin? Does he love you and not her? How come he never realized it before? Did he always feel this way?
"Why the hell did you even ask me out? Why did you even ask me to be your girlfriend if all this time, you've wanted her? If all this time you've been in love with her?" Yujin asks, furious.
What is he supposed to say? Has he always been in love with you? He thinks for a moment. He thinks about why he asked her out in the first place, about a week after you hooked up with some guy after you two just started college. Was that the reason? Was it because he just wanted something and he knows deep down, you donât want the same, so he found it somewhere else? YouâŠeverything has always been about you, his whole world has always revolved around you.
Yujin gets up and gets dressed. "If you want to be with her so badly, fine. But just know, she's still a whore. She'll just use you and then toss you aside." Yujin says as she finishes getting dressed. "But by all means, go sleep with that slut. We're done." Yujin says as she leaves the room.
Sunghoon sits on the bed in silence. Just great. Now, he doesnât have a girlfriend and worst of all, he still canât have you. He sits there for a moment longer before getting up and putting back on his shirt. Screw this party, he shouldnât have come anyway. He walks out of the bedroom and goes downstairs, feeling like his mind is in a different place as he walks outside. He stops and notices you sitting on the curb, smoking a cigarette. He feels relieved, not seeing you in Sungchanâs arms, and for a split second, he wishes he could just walk over and take you into his, but he pushes that thought away and just decides to take a seat beside you on the curb instead. You scoot away a bit from him, silence looming over the two of you and he feels even worse.Â
âYou shouldnât be sitting here, you know. Your girlfriend might get pissy.â you mumble as you exhale some smoke.
âIâm not with Yujin anymore.â
You pause for a moment, â...I saw you two go upstairs.â
âShe justâŠgot upset that I couldnât get hard. I just had so many thoughts running through my mindâŠâ he trails off, not wanting to ramble on about it.
âWhatever.â you say as you take another drag.
âI wish I never asked her out.â he says before taking a deep breath, feeling like he said something he didnât even realize he was keeping a secret, not even from himself.
âWhy are you telling me this? In case you forgot, I am not your friend anymore. Not after what you and her said about me this morning.â You take another drag, âIt's one thing for her to call me a slut, I don't care about her, but you? You agreed with her. You made fun of me. You're supposed to be my best friend and you say I'm a slut and then that you aren't "stupid" enough to date "someone like me"? Fuck you, honestly. I was so pissed when I heard that. I know we fought the other night, but I never thought you would say that shit about me.â You take another drag. âSo stop talking to me about your problems like we're still friends. You want nothing to do with "someone like me"? Well, then, you got it.â
Sunghoon stays silent, feeling as if everything around him is crumbling. Youâre sitting maybe a foot away from him, but he feels like youâre on the other side of the planet. âIâm sorry.â he says softly, feeling ashamed to have talked about you like that.
You shake your head and continue smoking. âWhatever.â
âI miss you.â he says suddenly. âAnd, I shouldnât have said any of that this morning. I was trying to reassure Yujin at your expense andâŠthat was a big fuck up by me. None of what I said was worth any pain Iâve caused you.â
âWell, I donât miss you. I donât even care.â
Sunghoon stays quiet for a moment. âI have to fix this. Not because I feel like it will make me feel better to know I said sorry, because that doesnât fix anything; that doesnât make you feel better. I want to fix this because, even if you donât believe me, I value our friendship more than anything in the world.â
You scoff and donât reply, blinking away your tears as you continue smoking. âI donât need you. Think what you want about me, I donât give a fuck.â
âHeyâŠâ he says tentatively as he notices you blinking away tears. He feels like he got punched in the gut and hates himself for knowing heâs the one that caused you to feel this way. âI know I hurt youâŠa lot.â he admits. He doesnât know if you would want to listen to anything else he has to say, but he wants nothing more than for everything to go back to normal. To have you back. To just have you look at him. Anything.
You scoff, âYou? As if.â you say as you put out your cigarette. âDonât flatter yourself. Like I care about your opinion.â you say as you stand up. âI donât need your pity and I donât need your friendship. I donât need you.â you say as you walk away and back into the party.
He doesnât hesitate to follow you, not wanting to let you go. He canât. He canât bear the thought of you actually not being a part of his life, not for one goddamn second. He tries to catch up to you, but he stops in his tracks when he sees you go back over to Sungchan. It feels as though time has stopped and he was cursed with having to watch you be with him for the rest of his life. You whisper something to Sungchan, prompting him to grin and put his hands on your waist. Sunghoon feels like heâs about to collapse as he watches Sungchan whisper something back to you before taking your hand and leading you upstairs. He wants to do something, take you away from him, tell you that you mean so much more and are so much more than whatever Sungchan thinks about you. How you mean everything to him and watching you walk upstairs with some other guy feels as though you are taking away every piece of Sunghoon, breaking him apart. But he doesnât and an hour passes before you walk back downstairs with Sungchan, his arm around your waist.
Sungchan whispers something in your ear before letting you go and walking over to his friends, all of them laughing and teasing him. You just walk back out of the party, feeling sick to your stomach; as if you just made the biggest mistake of your life; shame. As you walk down the sidewalk, the night suddenly feels much colder than before. You take out your cigarettes and start smoking another one. Sunghoon follows and catches up, âCan I have one?â he asks, not knowing what else to say, but wanting to say something. You stay quiet, but eventually extend the one you were smoking to him. You stop walking as he takes it, taking a drag as he stands beside you.Â
You hold out your hand, wanting it back and after he takes another inhale from it, he exchanges it back. You take another drag, staying quiet, as you extend it back to him. He takes it as you two share the cigarette and he hands it back to you, almost wanting to just hold your hand instead. You take a long drag, holding the smoke for a while before slowly exhaling. â...you were right.â you say quietly as you hold the cigarette out for him. âIt is lonely.â
He takes the cigarette, feeling hopeful that this is the beginning of an honest conversation, and relieved that youâre opening up. He hands it back to you, âAre you lonely? Do you miss having a relationship?â he asks, softly, wanting to make sure heâs being cautious so he doesnât hurt you again.
âNot the ones I used to be in, no. Those guys wereâŠwell, you know.â
âYeahâŠâ he mumbles. You sigh and take a seat on the curb. He follows suit, seeing if youâll say something else, but deciding to break the silence. âSoâŠwhat kind of guy do you want?â he asks, deep down hoping for a certain answer.Â
You donât answer him and instead, ignore his question. In all honesty, you donât know. Well, you do, but youâre too scared to admit it. âYou were also right about me being a slut.â
âI-I didnât mean it-â
âYou know it, everybody else knows itâŠand I always knew it.â You take your cigarette back and take a drag. âHearing you say it sucked, though, but I know itâs the truth.â
âI shouldnât have said it. I was so caught up in trying to make Yujin feel better and fix things between us when it wasnât worth it. Not when it came at your expense.â
âI know.â
âI shouldâve still stuck up for you. It didnât matter if she was my girlfriend, you donât deserve to be talked about like that.â
You shrug and hand him the cigarette, lighting a new one for yourself to smoke. âI donât care anymore. Hooking up with Sungchan just now made me realize it. Seeing and hearing his friends tease him for itâŠâ you take a long drag, âI knew thatâs what I am.â
He does the same and looks at you. âDid you want to hook up with him?â
âNo.â
âThen, why did you do it?â You ignore his question and keep smoking. âHeyâŠâ he says softly. He knows youâre avoiding his question, but he wants to hear what you have to say.
âWhat happened with you and Yujin tonight?â you ask, wanting to change the subject.
âJustâŠan argument.â
âAboutâŠ?â
âThatâs not important.â
âYou wanted to tell me all about it earlier. You said something about you not getting hard and regretting asking her out. What the hell happened? I thought you loved her or whatever.â you mumble as you inhale more smoke, a part of you hoping it chokes you.
âI do love her. But I guessâŠit meant something different to her. She wanted things from me I couldnât do.â
âLike what.â
âLikeâŠher not wanting us to be friends anymore.â
You scoff before continuing to smoke. âYou shouldâve chosen her.â
Sunghoon raises an eyebrow as he takes a drag. âYou think I shouldn't have chosen my friend who's been with me through thick and thin over someone who was basically controlling who I talked to?â
âShe was just controlling that you don't talk to me. Can't blame her, she probably thought I would try to sleep with you or something. Besides, since when did us being friends for so long suddenly matter? It didn't when you agreed with her about me being a slut.â
âIt matters to me.â He says, feeling his heart sink a little at your words. It seemed like you didnât think your friendship meant anything. He takes another drag and sighs quietly before continuing. âYouâre my best friend. I care about you more than anyone else.â You stay silent as you continue to smoke. âDo you really think I donât care about you?â he asks, softly. You just keep smoking, not really sure how to answer. He sighs to himself as he does the same and his mind wanders to thinking about you and Sungchan again. He rolls his eyes to himself as he tries to push those thoughts out of his head.
âYou asked me if I ever felt heartbreak when we fought that night, talking about if thatâs why I have commitment issues or whatever.â you say as you take another drag. âYeahâŠI have.â
âWas the heartbreak fromâŠâ he letâs the question linger in the air for a moment, âa relationship?â You shake your head. âSoâŠwhat was it from then? Who broke your heart?â
You stay silent for a moment, just smoking â...i didn't realize I fell in love with him until he got a girlfriend, well, his first serious girlfriend. At first, I didn't really care, but thenâŠâ you go quiet for a moment as you keep looking ahead, not at him. âThe way he talked about her, would smile a certain way when he was with her, like he's never smiled at me before...laughing at jokes they shared...seeing him kiss her, hold her handâŠâ you take another drag, âholding her hand..â you repeat, like youâre lost in thought. âIt's something so stupid and simple, but I've never had a guy hold my hand romantically...but he held hers and I remember feeling like I couldn't breathe. I couldn't do a damn thing but suddenly wish I was his girlfriend instead. And then I realized. I loved him.â you take another drag, âI loved him and he was in love with someone else.â
He stayed quiet the whole time you talked. He took in every single word. He took in how you said every single word, how you looked as you spoke. He felt his heart break for you. The way you talked about it was nothing like heâs ever heard you talk about; soâŠinnocent. âDid you ever try to tell him how you felt?â
You stay quiet for a moment as you swallow. âI almost did. One time. I just felt so tired from pretending and I didn't want to just hookup with anyone anymore. I wanted to be his more than anything in the world. I almost told him and thenâŠâ you take another drag from your cigarette. âHe started telling me about how he finally had sex with his girlfriend. How hot she is. How he had never seen anyone so beautiful. How he couldn't believe he was so lucky to be dating her. Fuck-â you pinch your thigh to stop yourself from crying as you take another drag. âI felt so...gross. I had never had a guy say that about me, never had a guy be proud to be with me, but the way he talked about her and everything he was saying...I knew he would laugh in my face if I, just some slut, was in love with him; he would feel grossed out or whatever. No matter how close I thought we were, I knew right then and there I would never be like her. Never like the girl he wanted.â you take another drag, âSo I didn't say anything.â
Sunghoon stayed quiet again, feeling awful. He hated that you thought about yourself that way. He hated that other people had made you feel thatâŠhim included. He hated this guy, especially, for making you feel this way. What a piece of shit. You deserve nothing but the best and this guy pulls this bullshit with you? He was about ready to punch him in the face. âAnd youâre still friends with him? After he did all of this to you?â
âHeâs all Iâve ever had.â
âHeâs not all you have, though. What about me?â he asks, intending to make something positive out of this all. He just wants you to know how precious you are to him because he cares about you so much.Â
This, doesnât help whatsoever, and you feel like youâre about to burst into tears. You canât tell if heâs the idiot or if you are; maybe the latter. But when he says that, you just feel like sobbing, curling up into a ball, and dying right then and there. You pinch your thigh again, to prevent yourself from crying because you absolutely loathe it.
He notices and immediately puts his hand on yours to stop you. He hates seeing you like this and he looks at you, not wanting you to suppress this anymore.
His hand on yours, however, makes you feel even worse. Worse because it makes your stomach do flips and you can feel your heart beat faster. Worse because you know it only carries the connotation of a friend comforting a friendâŠnothing more. You pull your hand away and continue smoking.
He doesnât say anything and he doesnât try to take your hand back. It hurts him to see you pull yourself away. He just wants to make you feel better, feel safe, feel loved. Feel nothing but happiness because thatâs all you deserve. But you donât. He wants to give you everything, and so, he tries again to comfort you. He reaches for your hand, gently taking it into his, it enveloping yours as he holds it as if it is the most delicate thing on earth.
âDonât.â you whisper, taking your hand away.
You didnât want to. God, you didnât want to. His hand felt like silk against yours, but you felt like you didnât deserve it. Compared to his, your hand was like felt, worth far less than his. You didnât want him to hold your hand, not like this. You wanted it to mean something, have some sort of value. Not for comfort. Not because heâs your best friend. Not because he felt bad. But because he loved you. Because he wanted to hold your hand and be proud as he held it. Because he wanted to claim you as is. Because you wanted to be his.
He lets go of your hand and stays silent for a moment. It was as if a part of him died inside as you pulled away your hand. All the thoughts that he was having a few seconds ago were replaced by sadness. His hands tightened into fists from the frustration of being unable to comfort you or take away your sadness. He wanted so desperately to try again, but he knew that there was nothing he could do right now. Slowly, he takes another drag of his cigarette, and you do the same with yours.
âDid you cry whenever he would talk about his girlfriend like that? Did you cry anytime he complimented her?â
You donât answer for a while. âYeah. When he told me he loved her, I cried later. After that, I pretended like I didn't care. And for a while, it worked. I would just hook up with guys and I would still talk and hang out with him because he didn't treat me like what everyone else saw me as. He never did. And that's one of the reasons I fell in love with him, I guess, but then sometimes...he would start talking about her and then I just...felt worse. At some point, I just kind of felt numb about it, especially after he told me about the first time they had sex. He talked about it like it was so special...like she was so special...and I just decided then and there I couldn't love him. So, I just pretended and after a while, I thought I didn't love him anymore, but one night, he started talking about how he couldn't lose his girlfriend, how he wanted to make things with her work and I felt that same feeling again, like I was going to be sick. Then, I heard him say what he really thought about me and that was the last time I cried about him.â
âWhat did he say about you? Did he insult you?â he asks as he feels himself becoming angry, wondering what this jerk couldâve possibly said about you to make you feel this way. But, you donât answer, you just remain quiet and that made him want to punch this guy even more. âDo you miss him?â he asks, quietly.
â...i miss being oblivious to the fact that I love him.â
He feels his heart drop when you say that. You still love him? He swallows, feeling like heâs choking and as if all of the oxygen has been sucked out of the atmosphere. âSoâŠyou do love him. Youâre still in love with him?â Once you ignore him again, the answer is clear. âYou do still love himâŠâ he mumbles. Anger courses through his veins because youâre in love with someone so fucking awful. How could you give all of yourself to someone who is too blind to see how much youâre worth? How much you mean and value you provide to the meaning of life itâs goddamn self? He watches as you continue smoking. âSo, you mean to tell me, after everything heâs done to you, you still love him?â
âHe doesnât know.â
âHe doesnât know youâre in love with him?â
âI told you, I never told him.â
This doesnât help him feel any less bad for you. Some douche was out and about being happy and in love while you suffer on the sidelines? âAre you ever going to tell him?â
You shake your head as you look down. How could you? Especially since youâre delivering this whole pathetic monologue and he still isnât taking any goddamn hint.Â
âIs it because heâs still with his girlfriend?â
âI donât want to talk about this.â you say as you finish your cigarette.
He becomes frustrated, âIs he?â
âNo.â
âSo, they broke up.â You ignore his question once more. He waits a few seconds before speaking up again, âIâm taking that as a âyesâ then.â
âWhy does it matter? Why do you care?â
âWhy do I care?â he asks as if this question has the most obvious answer. He scoffs and takes another drag out of frustration. âBecause Iâm your best friend, dumbass.â
This only makes you frown as you pinch your thigh again to stop the tears threatening to fall. He frowns as well when he sees this and reaches his hand over again. âStop.â he says as he grabs your hand. You look down at your hands and you take yours away again. He feels a lump form in his throat when you pull your hand away as a pit of sadness just keeps growing and growing in his stomach. âWhy are you doing that? âŠdo you honestly think I donât care about you?â You just keep staring ahead of you, not looking at him once. He takes another drag and sighs. âHave I ever given you a reason for you to think that I donât care? Have I hurt you like that guy did?â
His questions make you stay silent for a long time. You wish that you could just disappear. Or that you could go back in time and stop yourself from having these stupid feelings. OrâŠthat you never met him in the first place. Maybe then things would be easier. Better.
âJustâŠanswer me.â he says, pleading, almost. He wants you to understand that he is here for you, he always will be and nothing is going to get in the way of that anymore. He wants this to be clear, so he tries to hold your hand again to show his support, but you take it away once he does.
âAre you pretending or are you actually this clueless?â you ask, becoming frustrated, your voice having a hint of pain in it.
His stomach tightened when you rejected him once more. He doesnât look at you, suddenly afraid to see your expression. He doesnât know what to do, how to make you feel better. He stays silent for a moment and continues smoking. âPretending about what?â he asks. You become increasingly frustrated and pinch your thigh again. He notices and grabs your hand again, âStop.â he says sternly, but you pull your hand away.Â
âJesus, youâre the guy.â
He feels himself freeze. âWhat the hell do you mean âIâm the guyâ?â
âAre you dense?â you raise an eyebrow. âYouâre the guy Iâve been talking about this whole damn time!â
â...iâm the guy?â he asks, completely stunned. You let out a huff of frustration and stand up, walking away. He doesnât hesitate to stand up and go after you. He grabs your arm to stop you. âWait, you canât just leaveâŠâ
You keep pinching your thigh, a part of you believing it will wake you up from this nightmare as you avoid his gaze. You take your arm away from his grip. âJust forget it.â
âNo. You just said Iâm the guy, right? The one youâre in love with?â He asks, all of his focus on you. You ignore his question and turn around, walking away. He groans and he moves in front of you, stopping you. âYou love me?â But you just avoid his gaze and donât answer his question. He sighs, âIâm not letting you leave until you tell me.â
âNo.â
He frowns. âLook at me.â he whispers. âPleaseâŠâ he moves closer to you. âDo you love me?â
âWhy does it matter?â
âYou tell me. Why doesnât it matter?â
You punch your thigh harshly a few times as you finally look at him. Your breath hitches as tears well in your eyes, despite you trying to ignore them. âBecause Iâm just a slut.â
He grabs your hand and stops you. He feels panicked, not knowing what to do or say. He doesnât want you to cry or punish yourself. âStop it. Stop with that bullshit. Youâre not a slut, donât you dare ever call yourself that.â
âYou said it yourself. You agree with everyone else. I know you don't feel the same. I know you'll never talk about me the way you talk about Yujin or see me the way you see her. I know you said you guys broke up, but so what? I know what I am and I know that's all I'll ever be.â
He feels tears prick his own eyes as he listens to you. He shakes his head, âStop that. Stop saying that Iâll never feel the same. Stop saying that youâre just a slut.â
âIt doesnât matter.â
âIt does matter! It matters to me. Youâre not just âsome slutâ. Youâre my best friend.â
You frown as you feel the urge to cry become stronger. You take your hand away and you pinch your thigh again, just wanting the tears to go away. What he said made you feel awful. Itâs not what you wanted to hear. You didnât want to be just thatâŠand he just kept reminding you that thatâs all you are. â...do you honestly think that makes me feel better?â
He frowns, âFine. Maybe it doesnât make you feel better. But it should. Because itâs the fucking truth.â
âAre you even thinking about what I told you? Are you even thinking about how you're the guy I've been talking about? How every time you talked about Yujin, every time I saw you hold her hand, how you talked about her when you told me about the first time you guys had sex, that I just wanted to curl up and die? You don't get it. You calling me your best friend doesn't make me feel any fucking better. It makes me feel worse than when people call me a slut. But I don't want you to stand here and try to make me feel better, because if you think telling me you care about me because I'm your 'best friend' is going to make me feel better, then you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said.â
He stares at you sympathetically. He stares at you as he realizes just how badly heâs broken your heart. As he realizes he broke your heart.Â
âI don't want to be your best friend. I don't want you to tell me I'm your best friend.â You keep pinching your thigh harder, but tears roll down your cheeks anyway. âI wanted it to be me.â you say as you cry even though you keep pinching harder. âI wanted to hold your hand romantically. I wanted you to smile at me the way you did with her. I wanted you to talk about me the way you talked about her.â Your breath hitches as you cry and pinch your thigh harder, your nails digging into your skin. âI wanted to be special to you. I wanted you to tell me you love me. I wanted to be your girlfriend...more than anything in the world.â You cry harder even though you try not to and you dig your nails more into your thigh.
Heâs never seen you cry. Not when you broke your arm, not when your pet goldfish died, not when your first boyfriend broke up with you, not even when you get incredibly frustrated. He has never seen you cry. But he hates it. He doesnât want to see you so sad, so hurt, in so much painâŠand he hated it even more because heâthe one person you loved more than anything elseâwas the one who was making you feel this way. He pulls you into him, hugging you tightly, just wanting to take your pain away, just wanting you toâŠfeel loved. But you push him away and wipe your tears, and he notices the imprints from your nails on your thighs. He doesnât even realize it, but he reaches his hand out and gently touches the marks as he looks at them. He touches the ridges softly and your skin feels so smooth to him, so precious, but you push his hand away. His eyes travel up to meet yours and he sees youâve stopped crying.
âWhy wouldnât you just have told me how you felt?â he asks, quietly.
âFor starters, you had a girlfriend. The other reason: it doesnât matter.â
âWhat if I never got with Yujin? What if I was single the whole time?â
âI didnât realize I loved you until you started dating herâŠâ
âWhy her? Iâve dated other girls before, so why her?â
You shrug, âSheâs the only one you really seemed to be serious aboutâŠthe only one you told you loved. BesidesâŠIâm not some sort of homewrecker.â
âI wish you told me.â he whispers. âYou were never going to tell me?â
âNo.â
âSo, you were just hoping I would never find out?â
âYes.â
âSo, you were just going to keep that secret for the rest of your life?â
âYeah.â
âSo, you were just going to live with that pain forever?â
âAre you going to keep asking the same question?â
âI just want to knowâŠâ he says as if heâs desperate. âWhyâŠwhy would you not tell me?â
âBecause you were with Yujin! Because you kept telling me how much you loved her! How pretty you thought she was, how happy you were to be with her, how smart and kind and funny and fucking perfect you thought she was! You were happy. You were happy with someone who wasn't me and although that killed me, you were happy. I couldn't do that to you.â you say as your voice breaks.
âSo that justified you suffering in silence? Why would you rather see me happy while you were in pain?â
You look at him like the answer was obvious. How does he not get it? You stare at him as you remain quiet, looking at him as if itâs your last time. âBecause I love you.â you say, softly.
He feels like youâre looking at him as if he is the most special person to walk on earth. He swallows out of nervousness as he realizes you gave him your heart completely. âYou love me so much that you were willing to put yourself through hell just to see me be happy?â He doesnât feel worthy of thatâŠbut you seem to think he is. You love him.
âWouldnât you have done the same for Yujin?â
You donât want to hear him answer this. You donât want to know, but you feel like he doesnât understand. You feel like you keep repeating yourself and heâs relishing in it.Â
He doesnât know how to answer. Would he? Hearing how you describe your love for him, he realizes what he felt for Yujin maybe wasnât love. Maybe it was comfort. Or security. Or the fact that someone wanted to be with him so seriously. Maybe he did love her, butâŠnot the way you love him. This sounds like love. This sounds like what he was supposed to feel. âYesâŠâ he says, not really sure if thatâs true. He wants to believe he loves her. He wants to believe he didnât waste almost four years on something that ends up meaning absolutely nothing. He has to love her.
âThen you get it.â
âDid you just hope we would break up one day so you and I would get together?â
You sigh, âYou still don't get it. I know you don't feel the same way. I know I am not the type of girl you want to be with. I'm not the type of girl any guy wants to be with seriously.â
How could you say that about yourself? Sunghoon doesnât believe any of that, not for a single fucking second. âThat isnât true. Youâre smart, kind, funny, and pretty.â
âStop.â
âNo. Itâs true. Everything I just said is true. You think no guy would be able to fall in love with you, but they would. You would make an awesome girlfriend.â he tries to reassure you.
You donât want any guy.
âYouâre not making me feel better.â
âWhat am I supposed to do, then? Agree with the bullshit youâre saying about yourself? Because thatâs not fucking happening.â
âWhat I want you to sayâŠyou canât.â
âTry me. Tell me.â
You just look at him. He doesnât get it. He isnât saying it because he doesnât feel the same. This realization makes you feel like youâre crumpling. You look at him, defeated. If you have to tell him, you know he would only say it to make you feel better, not because he actually wants to. That. Thatâs what hurts the most. He would say it because youâre his best friendâŠbut you donât want to be.
â...are you going to try and get back together with Yujin?â
He pauses. He thinks about it for a second. âRight nowâŠI donât know. I guess a part of me wants to try still. Does that make me shitty?â Heâs not sure why he does. Yujin is the first girl heâs ever told he lovedâŠand he doesnât say it often. Maybe heâs like you, in a way. He doesnât really like saying stuff like that. It felt weird when he said it. But he thinks thatâs just because heâs never said it before.Â
âWhy would I?â
âI feel like an asshole for even considering it after everything youâve told me-â
âSheâs the one you love.â
âIâm not so sure about that.â he says, truthfully. He just needs to think. He just needs one damn second to think.
âThen let me make it clear: be with her. From my perspective, she's the one you want. What I told you, how I so stupidly cried in front of you, that doesn't matter. I told you this earlier: you should've chosen her. So just, make up with her tomorrow or whatever and be with her.â you swallow. â...but I can't be your friend.â
He sees you giving up. He hears it. He hates it. His mind is running a thousand miles per minute, he canât fucking think and itâs pissing him off. âItâs not that easy. I canât just âchooseâ between the two of you. Iâm confused, I justâŠI want to be with whoever makes me happy.â
Heâs always been happy with you. Sure, you two fought, but you always got over it. You make him happy. So goddamn happy. But heâs scared. He just gave nearly four years of his life to YujinâŠwhat if itâs because he does love her?Â
âThatâs her.â
âHow are you so sure itâs not you?â
âI know.â
He groans in frustration. âSo, I have to choose between the two of you?â
You. He chooses you. Heâs not sure about the rest of it, but all he knows is that he chooses you. Four years with Yujin doesnât compare to the years you and him have had together. Nothing else matters. You. Just you.
âJust be with her.â
âWhat if I want to be with you?â
He hasnât thought about it. Maybe he chooses you only as a best friend. What if he doesnât choose you for love? âŠdoes he love you? He recalls the teasing from classmates when you guys were younger, but he's never really given any thought to it possibly becoming real. Does he love you the same way he loves Yujin? Does he even love Yujin? He doesnât knowâŠhe just doesnât know.
âYou donât.â
âAnd what makes you so sure that I choose Yujin over you? What makes you so sure youâre ânot enoughâ for me?â
â...because you wouldâve chosen me first.â
âI can still choose you.â
You sigh, âYou're making this complicated. You know she's the one you love, stop feeling bad for me like I'm some lost puppy and just admit it. I don't want your pity and I certainly don't want you to say you âchoose meâ because you're confusing your pity for feelings. Stop saying I'm this great girl and stop saying any guy would be lucky to have me, that makes me feel worse. So just make up with Yujin and get back with her. Reassure her that you love her because you do and tell her I won't be a problem anymore because you and I aren't anything anymore. Problem solved.â
Is this really what you believed? Is this really what you thought? He just needed some time, he canât think. He doesnât know what to think anymore. You were speaking as if it was impossible for him to love you, but what if he does? How is he supposed to know? How did he know with Yujin? Heâs questioning whether he even loved her since he canât even compare how he feels about you with whatever he felt with her. He just knows itâs stronger. But stronger in what way? He sees how youâre looking at him and he realizes the only way for him to succeed in making you feel betterâwhich is what he truly wantsâis to just listen to you. He doesnât want to. But he wants to see you be happy, even if it means he isnât.
âAre you really sure this is what you want me to do?â he barely asks, the words leaving his mouth without any fervor, as if he never wanted to utter them in the first place. As if he doesnât want to hear your answer; see you walk out of his life.
You donât answer him. You just look at him before walking past him. You hold your breath, knowing that once you exhale, youâre going to start sobbing. You felt so lonely. So lonely. Youâve always had himâŠand then you lost him to YujinâŠand now, youâve lost him for good.
He doesnât turn around to look at you as you walk away, because he knows if he does, he will run after you and that clearly isnât what you want. You want to let him go, at least thatâs how he understands it. He doesnât want that. He wants you. He knows that much, he knows he needs you. Heâs not sure how things will look without you now. He never thought it would be like this, but here he is. âŠwhy does this feel so much worse than when Yujin walked away from him? Why does this hurt more than his actual breakup? The reason is one he doesnât want to admit. He realizes the answer and he refuses to let it grow to fruition. He doesnât know why it took him until now to figure it out, but heâll realize that later. He wanted timeâŠnow, heâs got it.
-
Deja vu. Thatâs what this all feels like. Here Sunghoon was, again, at another stupid frat party around midnight. Here he was, again, with Yujin. He took your advice, he decided to apologize and get back together with her, and these past few months without you have felt like torture. Even using torture to describe it seems too dull. He has thought about nothing but you. Heâs heard around campus about people youâve hooked up with, but he doesnât feed into it. As he stands here with Yujin at this godforsaken party, all he can feel is regret. He leans against a wall as Yujin talks with her friends and he practically chugs his drink. He doesnât even want to leave the party because he doesn't think it's worth to waste any of his wants on anything but you. You make up all of his desires and he wants nothing more than for you to be back into his life. He finishes the rest of his drink and to his surprise, he does see you. He stands up straighter as he looks at you, but feels like his insides are on fire when he realizes youâre making out with Sungchan. On the couch. On the couch, you are making out with Sungchan. On the couch, Sungchan is running his hands along your hips and waist. On the couch, you let him.Â
You would be lying if you said you didnât miss Sunghoon. A part of you went missing the night you walked away from him. Youâve seen him around campus with Yujin and eventually, it finally felt like you were over it all. Over him. You wouldnât say youâve been getting around quite frequently, but you wonât lie when you say that you did get with some guys to help get over him. It didnât work. But you wonât admit to that. To you, at least, youâre over it. Over him. Sungchan helped a bit with some of the lonely nights, but you two arenât anything serious. Heâs not into that sort of thing and, hey, neither are youâŠso this is fine. He doesnât lie to you about how he feels or what he wants and for that, youâre grateful. Although, you do have to admit, making out with him feels boring. Being with him feels boring. Itâs not fun like it used to beâŠand even then, you arenât completely sure it was even fun in the first place. Whatever, youâll get into it at some point.
Sunghoon watches, now it really feels like deja vu. Is he dreaming? OrâŠis this him getting a second chance? Is this when he can finally pull you away from Sungchan and be there for you? Finally tell you how he feels? How he felt the whole timeâŠ? Suddenly, his spirits are slightly lifted, that is, until Yujin crosses her arms and scoffs before shoving him. Sunghoon is surprised and turns his attention towards her. Some people look at them, but Yujin doesnât care, she just looks at Sunghoon, furious.
âDo you even want me to be your girlfriend?â
Maybe honesty wouldnât be best right now. âI doâŠâ
âThen stop looking at her.â
âLetâsâŠnot make a scene.â he says, trying to calm her down.
âJust be honest for once: do you love me or her?â
He doesnât know how to answer. He knows his answer, heâs had months to figure it out. ButâŠyou made yourself clear. You were done with each other. He sighs. âCan I get a moment to figure it out?â he asks, honestly a bit surprised he didnât just cave and reassure her.
Yujin frowns and scoffs. âLet me ask you this, then. Do you wish that you were making out with her?â
He looks back at you and Sungchan, seeing him whisper something to you and you giggling before he kisses you again. He looks back at Yujin. âYeah.â he swallows, gathering all of his courage. âBut, that soundsâŠawful. Itâs like you want me to admit I regret getting back together with you or something-â
âDo you?â
âYes.â he answers without hesitation. He feels all of his muscles tense up. Did he really just say that? WellâŠitâs the truth, but he never thought he would say it. He feelsâŠbetter.
Yujin quickly squashes that by slapping him, âWeâre done.â she says before storming out, her friends following. Sure, the slap hurt, but as Sunghoon looks back at you and SungchanâŠthe pain from the slap seems so insignificant in comparison.
You decide to tell Sungchan youâre getting a drink, so you get up from the couch and go into the kitchen. You pour yourself a drink and once you do, you walk to the backyard and take a seat on the patio.Â
Sunghoon figures you want to be aloneâŠbut finds himself following you outside anyway. He walks over to you cautiously. You and him have spoken consistently for practically your whole lives, but he finds himself struggling to even say a simple sentence or ask a question. The time youâve spent apart was multiple daysâŠtoo many fucking days in his opinion. He canât stand it. âCan I sit here?â he asks, referencing the spot beside you. You shrug as you take a sip of your drink. He feels relieved, baby steps, right? He takes a seat beside you and thinks for a moment on how to keep the conversation going. âSoâŠwhat were you telling Sungchan?â âŠhas he lost the ability to socialize or something because why was this the question he asks? He bites his bottom lip a bit in frustration at himself.
âSpying on me?â you tease as you extend your cup, offering him some.
Sunghoon chuckles softly and shakes his head. Hearing your voice for the first time in months makes him remember just how much heâs missed you. He feels like everything in his life is restored and he smiles a bit. âYou guys were all over each other on the couch, is it really weird for me to wonder?â
You shrug, âI mean, just typical flirting and dirty talk or whatever. Why?â
He feels his breath catch in his throat. âDirty talkâ?...what the fuck? âUmâŠno reasonâŠI guess I was justâŠcurious or something.â he mumbles.
âAre you here with Yujin?â you ask as you take another sip of your drink.
He shakes his head. âWell, not anymore. She broke up with me soâŠIâm alone now.â he realizes how that mightâve come off. âAlone here nowâŠnotâŠme alone altogetherâŠor anything.â he cringes and looks away from you, feeling completely stupid.Â
âWhat? Why did she break up with you?â
âSheâŠsaw meâŠlooking at you and SungchanâŠso she broke up with me.â he says, not really wanting to say the other stuff from the argument. You laugh in response and he frowns. âDonât laugh.â
You nudge his shoulder, âItâs okay. If she broke up with you for that dumb of a reason, her loss.â You say as you take another sip.
He smiles slightly. It feels like old times. It feels like he has you back. It feels like you want him back. âYeah, youâre probably right. Itâs probably best I donât have her constantly being suspicious about me and you.â
âEspecially since we havenât talked in months.â
He feels caught off guard by your blunt statement. Sure, itâs trueâŠbut it sounds like you didnât miss him. âYeahâŠwe havenât talked in a while.â You just take another sip of your drink and he looks back at you. âIâve missed you.â He waited for you to say something back, but you didnât. âIâve umâŠmissed talking to you like before. Like, beforeâŠeverything got complicated and stuff-â
âI know what you meant.â
He nods his head a bit, everything now feeling awkward. âSoâŠwhat have you been up to? Anything interesting happen?â
âNope.â
âReally? Nothing? Nothing at all?â
âYupâ you say as you take another drink.
âSoâŠfor the past few months, youâve done absolutely nothing interesting?â he asks, his tone being more lighthearted and joking to try and diffuse the tension.
âNo offense, but Iâm not really looking to âcatch upâ with you.â
Sunghoon feels his heart stop for a moment, but he tries to play it off. âOkay, ouch.â he laughs nervously, âSo youâre not even remotely interested in talking with me?â
You shrug, âI dunno. These past few months without you, Iâve kinda just been doing my own thing, I guess.â
Your response left him feeling worthless. Like, he didnât even mean a single thing to you before. Which, he knows isnât trueâŠbut you sound like you mean it. âSo, you havenât missed me at all? Not even talking to me?â
âAt first, yeah. But donât worry, Iâm not in love with you anymore.â
â...youâre notâŠin love with me anymoreâŠ?â he asks as he feels his blood run cold. You just shake your head and continue drinking from your cup. His heart sinks immediately. He feels small; insignificant. His mind jumps back to Sungchan and he frowns. âAre you in love with him now?â
âHim?â
âSungchan.â
âEh,â you shrug, âweâre not dating, just casual, I guess.â
âSo, youâre not exclusive with him?â
âNo.â
âAnd youâre okay with that?â
âYeah.â
He feels himself growing jealous and frustrated. How could you give yourself to someone who doesnât love you? Sunghoon feels upset, realizing he unintentionally did the same thing, but still, not to this extent. He knows you. He knows you donât want thisâŠhopefully. But he sure as hell knows that you donât deserve this.Â
âThatâs ridiculous. How can you be committed to this?â
âIâm not committed.â
He groans, âThatâsâŠnot what I meant. What do you two even get out of this?â
You shrug, âWhy do you care? I get youâre a relationship guy even though youâve only been serious with one girl, but donât shit on me and what I choose to do.â
The way you spoke got under his skin. âI care because I happen to care about the people around me. In case you havenât noticed, I care about you.â But you just roll your eyes. âDonât roll your eyes. Iâm being serious. Why do you feel like this isnât worth talking about?â
âBecause we arenât friends. We arenât anything. I donât need your input.â
It feels like youâve slapped him in the face, and this time, it fucking stings. âWhat do you mean we arenât friends? We grew up together, how the hell are we not friends?â
âAre you stupid?â
âAm I stupid?â he asks, offended and frustrated. He was starting to lose his patience. âNo. Iâm not. I still consider you as my friend. We grew up together, went to the same schools, hung out every damn day, how is none of that relevant?â
âWe havenât spoken in months.â
âSo what?â he asks, feeling as though your friendship suddenly means less than nothing to you, somehow.
âI told you that night that I wasnât going to be your friend anymore.â
He freezes. He knows. He also knows you donât just say shit without it meaning anything. He knows you arenât friends anymore, but he doesnât want that. He doesnât want you to be nothing to each other. He thought that if, maybe, he admitted he still sees you as his friend, you would admit the same. But you donât. And now he feels that same empty feeling. âSoâŠyouâre just fine with letting us go without a second thought?â
You look at him, âDo you not remember anything from that night? Of course if fucking hurt; I was in love with you.â
âSo it does matter.â
You sigh, âIt doesnât matter anymore; that was a long time ago.â you say as you take another sip.
He looks at you for a moment, feeling like his heart has become a punching bag and you were just taking any hit you could. Was this really the same person he grew up with? That he⊠âHow could it not matter anymore? We used to mean the world to each otherâŠhow can that justâŠbeâŠover?â
You look at him, âBecause I had to get over you.â
âItâs not that easy. I spent everyday thinking about you. Everyday.â
âWhy?â
âBecause I love you!â He thought your question was so redundant, he honestly didnât even realize what he said at first.Â
âButâŠâ you sit there, stunned. He finally said what you wanted him to say for so long, even if it was with a frustrated tone, stillâŠit counted. âWhat about Yujin?â
âSheâŠshe doesnât matter. You do. She always suspected I was in love with you-â
âWell, this is news to me.â
He deadpans. âAre you being fucking serious? I get I never said it before, butâŠâ he pauses; he sees what you mean. âOkayâŠbutâŠyou never once thought it was possible that I love you?â
âNo. Because that night when I told you that I was in love with you, you just kept saying I was your best friend. Youâre so full of it.â
âIâm not full of it! I justâŠfor fucks sake, I just didnât know. I thoughtâŠI donât know, I thought maybe for you it was just passing, or something, I donât know what I thought I justâŠI donât know.â
âRight. So as I stood there, crying my eyes out as I told you how much I loved you, you thought it was one sided.â you say as you roll your eyes.
âIâŠâ he feels like he did that night, like he canât think. âI just didnât know, maybe something was holding me back, I donât know.â
âI know why.â
He looks at you, relieved, thankful that you understand what he means. âYou do?â
âOf course you didnât want to admit to that. How embarrassing for you to have a crush on one of the schoolâs biggest sluts.â
He frowns. âThatâs not what I mean. You honestly think itâs embarrassing for me to like you?â
âExactly. And you knew that. I donât blame you, no guy wants their girlfriend to be a whore.â You take another sip of your drink and you look at him. âLook, Iâm not mad. I got over it and I honestly donât care anymore. I know what I am and I know that until we graduate, thatâs all Iâll probably be. But it doesnât matter. Yujin breaking up with you not too long ago was dumb, youâre a really great guy, but youâll find someone else.â You take another sip, âI should probably head back in and find Sungchan.â
He felt anger wash over him. Not because you donât believe him about being in love with you. Not because you were going to Sungchan. But because of the fact that you believe the things you say about yourself. Youâre so special, so goddamn special, and Sunghoon is so scared as he realizes he may be too late.
âAnd what if I donât want to find someone else? What if I donât want anyone else but you?â
You look at him for a moment. âDo you remember how you would talk about Yujin with me? You may not remember everything you said, but I remember it all and I remember how you looked as you said it. You talked about her like she was the most special and most beautiful girl in the world. You had this smile that you only had with herâŠâ you pause for a moment, âYou may say you have feelings for meâŠbut they're not like the ones you had for her, and thatâs okay. I donât want you to feel bad because you deserve to be happy, but you also deserve to find another girl that makes you talk and feel that same wayâŠand I know thatâs not me.â
Youâre so wrong. Youâre so fucking wrong and it was pissing him off. He wishes he just figured this out earlier. He wishes that he asked you out instead. He wishes that he told you he loves you that night. He wishes he kissed you. He wishes he held you and didnât let go. He swallows, âYou remember everything I said?â he asks, slightly surprised to hear that. Honestly, he doesnât even remember what he said. Not anymore.
âOf course I doâŠI wanted nothing more than for it to be me.â you say quietly as you take a sip and sigh. âBut like I said, water under the bridge.â
He feels tears begin to form. âWhy did we have to grow apart? Why didnât you just talk to me? Just one damn word. Something. I didnât want to lose you.â
âI canât be your friend.â
âWhy not?â
You look at him for a long moment, just staying quiet. â...Iâm only going to say this onceâŠbut if I stayed your friend, I would just keep hurting myselfâŠI would still love you.â
He stays quiet for a while. Even the loud music and chatter from the people inside seemed to drown out as he looked at you; youâre all that matters; youâre all that deserves his attention. â...did it hurt when we would talk everyday?â
You sigh softly and shake your head. âNot until you started dating Yujin. Before that, everything was fine. But once she happenedâŠit hurt like hell.â
âWhy didnât you tell me?â
âI told you. I couldnât do that to you, you were happy.â
âI would have wanted to know. I would have wanted to be there for youâŠâ
You laugh a little, âNo, thatâs weird.â You shake your head and still laugh a little, âItâs fine, Iâm over it.âÂ
âItâs not weird. Itâs not okay for you to act like everything is fine.â he says, softly.
âWhy are you trying to rehash this? Thereâs no point. Or do you like to hear about how I used to love you and it gives you some sort of ego boost or something?â you ask, not wanting to dive back into thisâŠnot again. He shakes his head, but he sighs. What is the point? You arenât believing him and youâve said it yourselfâŠyouâre over him. You stand up and his eyes follow you, âIâm gonna go find Sungchan. Later.â you say, not really meaning the âlaterâ part, but nonetheless, you walk away and all he can do is watch you leaveâŠagain.
He heads back into the party, wanting to find solace in getting batshit drunk or something, but he continues to torture himself by watching you dance with Sungchan. His eyes only focus on you, sure, heâs jealous and pissed off that youâre with Sungchan, but he only sees you. Sees how you move and he finds himself wishing you were dancing with him.Â
Sungchan pulls you closer, just whispering sweet nothings in your ear and you feel his hands grab your ass. You giggle a little and try to enjoy your time with him as he starts kissing your neck. You laugh softly as you dance with him and, unfortunately for Sunghoon, heâs bearing witness to it all. His hand practically crushes his red solo cup as fury ignites within him when he watches what Sungchan is doing. That should be him. Not that he would be soâŠvulgar with his actions, but it should still be him instead. He sees Sungchan whisper something to you as he takes your hand and starts taking you upstairs.Â
As he watched the two of you making your way upstairs, his whole body shook and trembled in rage. Every step that the two of you took together enraged him. He hated the way you casually held his hand and how he casually walked you up the stairs. He hated how he acted as if he had every right to touch you like that. He hated the fact that you were both so comfortable with one another at this point. He hated the fact that he was leading you away to his roomâŠ
You were so focused on following Sungchan, you were surprised to feel a tug on your other hand once you reached the top of the stairs. Both Sungchan and you stop and you turn to see Sunghoon holding your other hand.Â
Sunghoon felt at ease, like he was grounded when he felt your hand in his. This made him more confident as he tugged you towards him, wanting you away from Sungchan. This pisses Sungchan off and he scoffs as he looks at Sunghoon.Â
âThe hell?â Sungchan says, not in the mood for any games. He tugs the hand he was holding, pulling you back towards him, but you find yourself only focused on Sunghoon as your heart starts to beat faster.
Sunghoon pulls you back towards him, his grip on your hand tightening. âBack off.â he says as he glares at Sungchan.Â
âYou back off.â Sungchan says as he tugs you back towards him.
Sunghoon realized that you were just being tugged around, so he stopped, but he kept holding your hand. âLet go of her.â
âYou let go of her.â He looks at you, âWho the hell is this guy?â Sungchan asks, annoyed.
âSomeone who actually loves her instead of using her.â
You look at Sunghoon, surprised to hear him say that. Sure, he said he loved you earlierâŠbut this time when he said it, he said it like it was what he meant to say; what he wanted to say.
Sungchan laughs. âYou love her?â
Sunghoon glares at him. âYes. I love her. Now back off.â
Sungchan scoffs and puts his arm around you. âTell you what, bud, you can have her when Iâm done.â Sungchan winks as he pulls you towards him.
Sunghoon feels enraged. This asshole was acting so entitled, acting like he won this argument when Sunghoon knew damn well he wasnât giving up. The fact that he had the nerve to call him âbudâ too made Sunghoon want to throw him down the flight of fucking stairs. How he treated you was disgusting, talking about you like that in front of you. Sunghoon tugged you towards him one last time and Sungchan rolled his eyes.Â
âWhatever.â Sungchan looks at you, âYou know where my room is.â he says as he winks at you before walking away.
Sunghoon grimaces as Sungchan leaves, but feels better once heâs gone. The whole time, you were just looking at Sunghoon and you feel as though your heart is beating out of your chest as he holds your hand. After what he said. After all of this. He meets your gaze and he looks at you in a much more gentle manner.Â
âYou deserve so much moreâŠâ he whispers, his breath lightly brushing along your face since youâre so close together. âIâm sorry. Iâm so fucking sorry-â
âStop.â
âNo.â he says as he lets go of your hand and uses it instead to gently cup your face. âI wasnât lying. You are all Iâve thought about for these past few months and youâre all I can ever think about. Iâve missed you every single damn second of the day and Iâm sorry I was too scared to say it all before. I love you. And all this time, Iâve just thought about what you mean to me and the answer is everything; you mean everything to me. ...that seems like such a vague thing to say now that I say it out loud.â he chuckles softly, âBut everything means nothing if youâre not with me. Eating, sleeping, breathing, blinking, are all pointless if I canât spend one goddamn second with you. Iâm not embarrassed of you and I only realized that night when you left that Iâve always been in love with you. Always. What I felt with Yujin is all meaningless when I compare it to how I feel about you. I love you. It was never her. Not for even a millisecond. You asked me if I would put myself through pain just to see her happy and I told you yes. I lied. I thought that was what I would do, but I realized I actually did that with you. I let you walk away because thatâs what you wanted. I didnât want that, god-â he takes a sharp inhale as he rests his forehead on yours, âItâs always been youâŠand Iâm so sorry I never said it until now. Iâm so sorry I put you through all of that shit. Iâm so sorry, but pleaseâŠâ he whispers as he looks into your eyes, all of his focus only on you. âI love you.â
You feel your breath hitch slightly and you feel so tempted just to kiss him, but you hold yourself back. You smile a little bit and pull away slightly, feeling relieved. â...I need to smoke. You want one?â you ask as you take his hand, going into an empty bedroom.Â
He closes the door behind the two of you as you walk over and sit on the bed, opening the window beside it. He sits beside you as you take out your pack and he smiles a bit. âYeah, I do.â he says as you hand him one. He watches as you light yours and then you light his for him. You both sit silently for a moment as you smoke, it being a comfortable silence until he speaks. âThank you.â he says, mainly for lighting his cigarette, but he does want it to apply to you not leaving him again.
âI forgive you.â you say after a moment.
âYou do?â he asks as he takes a drag and looks at you.
âYeah.â you say as you take another drag yourself. âBut youâve got to get better at saying how you feel.â you tease.
He scoffs playfully and nudges your arm. âSays you.â he mumbles as he continues to smoke.
You laugh softly and shrug. âWeâll work on it.â you say before exhaling your smoke and he nods his head a bit as you both look out of the window for a moment. You glance at him and inhale from your cigarette before gently pulling him towards you. He turns his head to look at you and you kiss him gently, shotgunning the smoke slowly into his mouth.
His eyes widen a bit as his heart beats rapidly. He closes his eyes as he inhales, letting the smoke slowly fill his lungs while he leans forward to kiss you back, indulging in the feeling of your lips on his even if it wasnât an actual kiss. After blowing out the smoke, you break the kiss and watch as he exhales the smoke. He does it slowly, feeling as though his lips are tingling, begging to meet yours again. He smirks a bit after he exhales all of the smoke and looks at you. âDamnâŠthat was good.â he whispers as he blushes a bit.
You grin, taking another drag, âIâve missed you.â
He takes a drag as well as smiles softly. âIâve missed you, too.â It goes quiet, but this time, a comfortable silence as you two smoke. He blows some smoke out of the window and looks back at you. âDo you thinkâŠwe could give this another shot?â
You follow suit and blow some smoke out of the window before looking at him. âOur friendship orâŠsomething more this time?â
âSomething more. Both, hopefully.â he smirks a bit as he says this, taking another drag.
You smirk a little back and chuckle softly, âI really want that.â
âSo do I.â he whispers as his eyes lock onto yours. He smiles softly, âWeâre going to be official.â
He reaches for your hand and carefully interlaces his fingers with yours. You take another drag as you smile shyly. âGoodâŠâ you say, softly.
Your fingers seem to fit with his perfectly; everything about you is perfect and it was things like this that make him realize it all the more. You hold hands as you smoke silently, both feeling a fluttering excitement in your stomachs as your relationship dynamic shifts to one that you both have been longing for before you even realized it yourselves. He glances at you as he exhales some smoke.
âGood? WowâŠI was expecting some more passion out of that.â he teases, gently squeezing your hand.
You laugh before finishing your cigarette and putting it out. You turn your body a bit to face him, âWhat aboutâŠfucking incredible?â
He laughs loudly at your new choice of phrasing. He calms down after a moment, âThatâs more like it.â he says with a grin before smoking his cigarette again. His gaze lingers on you as he watches you smile at his reaction. Stunning. He leans in, letting go of your hand, placing his left hand beside you on the bed as his lips meet yours, kissing you.Â
You donât waste a single second, kissing him back immediately as your hand makes its way to the back of his head, your fingers threading with his hair as you push yourself slightly forward, pressing your lips against his more. He inhales sharply as he moves his left arm around your waist, pulling you closer, desperately. He puts out his cigarette and discards it, using his other arm to wrap around you as well as he pulls you onto his lap. You part your legs, straddling his lap as you grin a bit into the kiss, both of your hands using their fingers to gently tug on the ends of his soft hair. You feel yourself fill with excitement, the fact that this is really happening after every inch of your body has desired this exact moment makes you feel restless.Â
Sunghoon runs his hands up and down your thighs, squeezing them gently, before moving them up to your hips, and then your waist. His hands suddenly felt so big against your skin, his fingers sending shivers throughout your whole body anywhere they touch. He opens his mouth slightly more and you take this as a sign to slip your tongue into it. He grins, this time, and he pulls you closer to him by gripping your waist; your bodies now pressed tightly against each other. He moves his hands to cup your face and you move yours to rest against his chest, your fingers tightly gripping his shirt in an attempt to somehow kiss him deeper. His tongue glides across yours as he kisses you with increasing desperation. The need for you grows every second that passes, he has to kiss every inch of you, he has to make you his, he has to make you feel loved; the only thoughts devouring his mind at this very moment consisted of nothing but you and his need to ensure you only ever want him.Â
The kiss becomes sloppy, both of your lips becoming covered in one another, and you feel yourself craving more. So much more. You bite his bottom lip a little, testing to see if this will make him decide to take initiative, resulting in him gasping softly and releasing a low moan. He liked it. He liked it a lot. He moves his hands back to your waist, pushing you down against his lap and his jaw loosens a bit as he loses his breath, feeling you finally press against his erection. You moan softly, enjoying the feeling of some sort of contact where you desperately needed it the most and it felt so good knowing he wanted you just as much as you wanted him. He couldnât take it anymore, he had to have you.Â
One of his hands grips your thigh and his other arm goes back to wrapping around your waist as he picks you up a bit and lays you back against the bed, not once breaking the kiss; at this point, kissing you has become his oxygen supply. Feeling your hands on him is the only thing keeping him alive. His lips part from yours only to kiss along your jaw, just below your ear, and down to your neck. You gasp softly and your eyelids flutter closed as you relish in the feeling of his soft lips kissing your skin. He takes one of his hands and uses it to move some of your hair out of the way, placing it on the back of your head, pulling your hair softly to move your head back so he has more room to work with on your neck. You let out a soft moan, feeling him leave open mouthed kisses on every single inch of your skin, him making sure he doesnât miss a single spot.Â
He opens his eyes a bit and looks at you, to see how heâs making you feel. He watches as your lips part slightly as you take in small gasps of air, as if he leaves you utterly breathless; youâve never looked more beautiful. He watches to see what spot of your neck when he kisses it that you seem to like the most. Once he gets to a certain spot and watches you bite your bottom lip a bit, he smirks slightly against your skin and sucks gently on the area. His tongue laps the spot a bit as he sucks and nibbles on it; this was his spot now. You moan softly and you feel your breath slightly catch in your throat as he leaves a hickey. He leaves a few soft pecks on the spot a little after heâs left his mark and he smiles a bit to himself.Â
You feel the warmth of his body pull away from yours and your eyes open as you look at him. The moon shined a bit through the window, the light falling beautifully on him as he looked at you with a slightly flushed face. He looked back at you, seeing you laying on this bed, all for him, he felt like he was going crazy. He sits on his knees between your legs as his hands run along your thighs; he just keeps looking at you, admiring all of you. You lay there, looking at him, feeling your body become hot as he looks at you through hooded eyes, as if you leave him in a trance. Your breathing picks up in speed as he runs his hands painfully slow along your thighs and as much as you want to pull him back towards you, you feel as though youâre frozen.Â
He takes a slow, deep breath, as his left hand travels up to gently take your right hand. He holds it up softly, separating your fingers with his as he loosely holds your hand, his gaze now focusing on your hands. He raises your hand up and leans in, raising it to his mouth. He softly plants his lips on your fingertips, kissing them softly, up to your knuckles, trailing his lips to the back of your hand, then gently turning it to kiss along the palm of your hand. He closes his eyes as he kisses down your arm--slowly--and gently lays your arm back at your side as he kisses up to your shoulder. His hands move to the hem of your short dress, slowly sliding it up, you raising your hips to help him, and he stops, leaving it bunched around your waist as he goes back to kissing along your shoulder. He gently pushes the strap of your dress down your shoulder as he focuses on kissing your body, moving along your collarbone. He breathes deeply, pushing the other strap out of the way as he leaves open mouthed kisses on your left shoulder, down your arm, his hands gently holding it up as he kisses up to your wrist. You watch him, feeling as if your body is constantly shivering, still dressed (albeit, your dress is pushed up), yet feeling completely exposed. His hand envelopes over your left hand as he kisses your palm like he cherishes your entire being, the way he looks is as if heâs wanted to do this his whole life.Â
He kisses your fingers, knuckles, and fingertips, opening his eyes slowly as he lets go of your arm gently. He moves his hands back to your waist, pulling your dress up more and you sit up, realizing your body is shaking, and he kisses your forehead before pulling your dress off carefully, like heâs afraid if he does it too fast, youâll break. He lets the dress fall to the ground, the fabric hitting the hard wood floor just as softly as he lets it go. Itâs as if the room is silent, no muffled music from downstairs, no rolling of tires from the occasional cars passing on the streets, no soft wind hitting the curtains, nothing except the quiet breaths escaping from his and your lips. He feels his erection become even more painfully hard as he looks at you, and he swallows, honestly trying not to let out a moan just at the sight of you. His breath stifles a little as he places his hand on the small of your back, steadying you as he leans back in, kissing the top of your chest. He feels himself growing more desperate, desperate to feel every inch of your skin on his lips, on his fingertips.Â
He breathes in sharply as he presses his face more into your chest, his lips sloppily kissing along your chest as his need for you grows. His tongue trails along your skin and he shudders, his hands becoming shaky as he holds your waist, all his focus practically on making out with your chest. A low moan elicits from him and from the way he was kissing your chest with such desperation made you moan softly in response, one of your bra straps falling a little off your shoulder from his movements. Itâs as if he senses it and just decides to unclasp your bra, still trying to let it slide off of you slowly and hold himself back, but once he sees you take it off, your bare chest exposed, he feels himself get so close to cumming in his pants. He gently lays you back on the bed, wasting no time, however, to wrap his lips around one of your nipples. Your breath hitches and you moan as he releases his desperation. Kissing, sucking, and fondling your breasts, small whimpers coming from him as he feels elated to finally be doing this. Spit covers your chest almost instantly as he licks and sucks, kneading your breasts, moaning as the soft flesh squeezes and molds beneath his hands. And itâs only until he feels his breathing becoming quick, his dick aching in his pants, is when he stops. He pulls away slightly, his hair slightly covering his eyes as he stares at them, his trembling fingers squeezing and spreading his spit along them, his thumbs pressing and circling your nipples, and you feel as if ripples just went throughout your entire body.
You gently push his hair away from his face and he goes back to kissing along your stomach, down to your panties. You can feel momentarily the thin layer of sweat covering his forehead when you push his hair away, running your fingers through his locks and he whines softly against your skin, his hands gripping your sides and finally moving to the edge of your panties. You wait in anticipation, expecting him to take them off, so you raise your hips slightly, but he pulls away. You poutâonly slightlyâas you look at him with a confused expression. He smiles sweetly, as if heâs not the one that caused you to quite literally soak through your panties. Heâs noticed, god, heâs noticed, but it takes everything in him not to behave like some animal. So, with that, he moves his hands down to your feet, slowly taking off your shoes for you before setting them on the ground. He moves back a little, leaning down to kiss along your leg, stopping at your knee, before moving to do the same thing to the other leg, but this time, he kisses up your thigh, leaving open mouthed kisses on the inner part of your thigh, gently nipping at your skin, and up to your hip. He gazes at you through his eyelashes as he moves to kiss along the other thigh, closing his eyes as he moans deeply against your skin, his tongue running along your skin.
He takes in a shaky, deep breath, and you feel your whole body become stiff once you feel his warm breath scatter so deliciously on your core. He gently places his hand over your sopping panties and your breath hitches, your whole body feeling grateful for some sort of contact. His brows furrowed as he slowly rubs his middle finger along your clothed slit, a low groan escaping his lips as he feels even more of your wetness seep through the fabric as he pushes into it. His mind feels hazy; he has to taste you. He takes his hand away, licking his middle finger and he feels as if his whole body exploded. He moans quietly to himself, before gripping your thighs and sticking his tongue out, licking a slow, long stripe between your clothed folds to your clit. Your eyes roll back as you gasp and moan. His fingers dig into the skin of your thighs as he feels himself lose all sense of sanity. He wanted nothing more than to take his time, but fuck, he canât do it anymore.Â
His lips instantly latch around your clothed clit, sucking and lapping his tongue as he starts to subconsciously rut his hips against the mattress. His saliva soaks your panties entirely as he presses his tongue more firmly, causing you to moan louder, gasping, as your hand makes its way to his hair, your fingers tangling in it. He moans and pulls away only a little before diving back in, pushing your panties to the side with his face as he makes out between your folds. His jaw is working overtime, his tongue lapping and picking up as much of you as you can give, His nose bumps against your clit as he loses himself in your taste, eating you out like a madman. He groans and moans into you, his hip movements stuttering as he licks all the way back up to your clit, moving his right hand off of your thigh before pushing his middle and ring finger into you, making sure to rub them between your folds before he does. He sucks and licks your clit, moaning and whimpering as he pushes his fingers in and out of you, not stopping until his knuckles prevent him.Â
You moan his name, gripping his hair, pushing his face against your clit more as your legs shake and you cum, moaning his name. He whimpers and the way you taste sends him over the edge as he feels himself cum in his pants, his jaw falling slack a bit, and he pulls his fingers out, desperate to lick them clean. You let go of his hair, trying to catch your breath and he sits up, his face slick and covered in you, and he tugs your panties off. You look at him, watching as he undresses himself and you feel your body become light as he reveals more and more of himself to you. His bare chest, his abs, god, his biceps, you were about ready to start touching yourself at the sight, desperate for him, but you managed to stay put.Â
He feels his ego boost a little bit, watching how you look at him, examining his body as if he is some work of art. Heâs going to give you everything he knows you deserve and that thought alone makes him smirk. You notice as he takes off his underwear the wet patch from his prior release, making you grin a bit. He finally lets his cock out, it still being painfully hard despite him having cummed already, and you gaze at it. You feel yourself clench around nothing, wanting him so desperately to fill you up and he sees it. He smiles innocently, as if you both arenât completely naked and horny before he grabs a cigarette and lights it. He takes a drag as he spreads the precum spilling from his tip all along his length and you watch his every movement, honestly feeling your mouth water at the sight. You sit up and he motions his head to the window as the cigarette sits between his lips.Â
You turn and face the window, propping your forearms against the windowsill as you look outside, the cool breeze honestly feeling nice against your flushed, hot skin. You feel his presence shift behind you as he takes another drag. He sighs softly, looking at yourself propped like this, he places his free hand on your hip, lining himself up with you. He moves that hand and gently brushes your hair softly to the side, exposing your back entirely, and you turn your head a bit to look back at him. He exhales some smoke and meets your gaze, gently brushing his fingers along your cheek.Â
âRelaxâŠâ he says before leaning to whisper in your ear, âand donât be afraid to let the neighborhood know my name.â he says before kissing your cheek.Â
You feel your body shudder at his words and he holds the cigarette between his lips as he uses one hand to hold your hip, the other gripping his cock before he slides it up and down, teasingly, between your folds. You gasp softly and he smirks, pushing his tip against your clit and he hisses a little, more precum leaking from his tip. He guides his cock into you, needing to quickly grab his cigarette from his mouth due to his jaw falling slack as he bottoms out into you. Your fingers grip the edge of the windowsill, your jaw dropping as you feel him finally giving you what you want. You moan and become breathless. He takes another drag from his cigarette before moving his hand from your hip to your shoulder as he pulls his hips away and then thrusts himself back into you entirely.
He filled you up perfectly, and he was damn ready to cum just from the way it felt like you perfectly fit around him. So warm and so fucking wet. He thrusts in and out of you a few times, groaning as you moan, sounds of you coating his cock more and more each time he goes in and out of you. He takes a shaky inhale from his cigarette, his eyes rolling back a bit as he thrusts a bit faster, before taking the cigarette out of his mouth, gripping the back of your head, a handful of your hair between his fingers, as he pulls you up and turns your head towards him. You moan and whine looking at him as he kisses you, shotgunning you this time as he keeps a steady pace of thrusting into you. You felt like you were going to choke, but you inhale what he exhales and as he pulls away, you turn back and lean your forearms against the windowsill as you blow out the smoke, gasping afterwards and moaning his name.
âGood girl,â he groans and puts the cigarette out, putting both of his hands on your hips, thrusting faster. âSuch a good girl.âÂ
You moan at his praise and breathe quickly as all you can do is let out strings of long moans as you feel his cock press into you over and over, him somehow hitting every area that makes your knees weak and mind hazy. His fingers dig into your skin as his hips rapidly pound and slap against your ass, the sound of skin slapping becoming louder and louder. You moan his name loudly, and as a reward, he pushes further, you feeling his tip brush against your cervix and you gasp, moaning his name lewdly. He grunts, the way you just moaned his name almost made him cum automatically.Â
âLouder, sweetheart, come on.â
You gasp for air as he fucks you so goddamn good, and you try to arch your lower back a bit so he can go deeper. You moan his name as many times as he wants, whatever it takes for him to rut in and out of you faster, to which he obliged. His breathing becomes heavy and your legs shake as you throw your head back a bit, your jaw dropping as you let out a long moan, cum spreading all over his cock. He grunts and whimpers, wrapping his arms around your waist as his brows knit together, him leaning down and kissing your shoulder as he pumps you full of cum, a low moan coming from him and onto your shoulder. He moans your name softly as he lets out a few more shallow thrusts, making sure he gives you every last drop. You feel yourself shiver as the warm liquid pushes into you and you whine a little.Â
After a moment of him holding you close and staying inside of you, he kisses your shoulder softly again before pulling out and pulling away. He lays back onto the bed and you shudder as you feel his and your cum spilling out of you and trailing slowly down your inner thigh. He opens his arms a bit and you go to him, letting out a sigh as you rest your head on his chest and feeling content when his arms wrap around you. His hand slowly moves up and down your back before he kisses the top of your head. Itâs silent for a while as you both lay there.
âSoâŠweâre a thing now?â you ask, partly joking, but part of you was seriously asking.
He looks down at you and scoffs playfully. âAfter all of this, you still donât get it?â he chuckles softly. âI want nobody but you.â
#sunghoon x reader#sunghoon imagines#enhypen x reader#sunghoon x female reader#enhypen x female reader#kpop smut#kpop imagines#park sunghoon#park sunghoon x reader#enhypen park sunghoon#smut#enhypen smut#sunghoon smut#park sunghoon smut#heeology#enhypen fanfiction#enhypen fanfic#park sunghoon fanfic#sunghoon fanfic#enha sunghoon#enha x reader#enha fanfic#enha ff#enha smut
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EX BF MICKEY AGAIN BC WHY NOT??
porn with some plot, PiV, sub Mickey (obviously), oral (fem reviving), cow girl position, aftercare (from reader), AFAB, 2k words
Mickey shouldnât be here.
He knew that the second he showed up at your door like some lost little thing, barely holding himself together. Knew it even as his fingers hovered over the door, hesitation gnawing at him like an animal caught in a trap. He shouldâve turned around, shouldâve gone back to his bunk, shouldâve done anything but this.
But it was late, and he couldnât stop himself. Couldnât stop thinking about you.
And when you opened the doorâhair messy, tank top slipping off your shoulder, eyes heavy with sleep and squinting at him like you couldnât believe he was actually standing thereâhe knew he wasnât going to leave.
Your brows furrowed. âMickey?â
He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly dry.
You sighed, leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed. âItâs the middle of the night.â
âI know.â His voice came out rough, like heâd spent hours lying awake, staring at the ceiling, turning over every reason why this was a mistake. But heâd still ended up here. âI couldnât sleep.â
For a long moment, you just stared at him, lips pressing together like you were debating slamming the door in his face. And maybe you shouldâve. But instead, you exhaled, stepping aside.
âFine. Get in here before someone sees you.â
He practically stumbled inside, too eager, too obvious about how desperate he was just to be near you.
You shut the door behind him and padded over to the tiny kitchen in your quarters, barely looking at him. âSit down.â
Mickey hesitated for only a second before dropping into the chair by your desk, his hands shoved between his knees like he wasnât sure what to do with himself.
You filled a glass with water and set it in front of him, your gaze steady. âWhatâs keeping you up?â
Mickey stared at the glass but didnât reach for it. âJust⊠a lot on my mind.â
You leaned against the counter, arms still crossed. âLike what?â
He hesitated, fingers twitching against his thighs. He couldnât tell you the truth. Couldnât tell you that heâd spent the last hour with his hand wrapped around his cock, tryingâand failingâto get himself off to the thought of you. That no matter how many times he came, no matter how many filthy scenarios played out in his head, it was never enough. Because it wasnât you.
He clenched his jaw, the silence stretching too long.
You noticed, but you didnât press. Instead, you exhaled and walked over to your bed, sitting down with a quiet sigh. You patted the spot next to you. âCome sit.â
Once again, he scrambled to move, crossing the space between you with a little too much urgency. But he made sure to leave space between you, wary, unsure if you wanted him that close.
For a while, neither of you spoke. The silence wasnât awkward, though. It was heavy, but not in a bad way. Comfortable. Familiar. Like how it used to be between you two, back on Earth.
And Mickey mustâve been thinking about that, too.
Because suddenly, he said, âDo you still drink black coffee?â
You blinked, caught off guard. âWhat?â
âBlack coffee,â he repeated, shifting slightly to face you. âYou used to drink it all the time. More than water. I tried it once, and it was awful, so you started adding sugar just to shut me up.â
You huffed a quiet laugh, shaking your head. âYou were annoying about it.â
âIt was awful,â he said, grinning now.
âMaybe you just have bad taste.â
He scoffed, but there was a warmth in his expression.
Mickey leaned forward slightly, elbows resting on his knees. âAnd you hated waking up early, but somehow, youâd always be the first one up whenever we had somewhere to be.â He tilted his head. âAndâohâdo you still fall asleep during movies?â
Your eyes narrowed. âI do not.â
Mickey barked out a laugh. âYou do. You always did. Weâd start it and then ten minutes later, youâd be out cold.
Your mouth opened, then closed. Because⊠okay, maybe that was true.
âAt least I never made us start a movie, then twenty minutes in decided I didnât want to watch it anymore,â you shot back.
Mickey groaned. âOkay, thatâs fair.â
The tension in the room had lightened, the conversation settling into something easy, something nostalgic. But then his smile faded, his gaze dropping.
âI, uh⊠I miss that.â
Your fingers tightened slightly against your arms. You didnât say anything, but he saw the way your expression shifted, the way you exhaled a little slower.
And before you could respond, he kept going, caught up in the memory.
âDo you remember when we went to your parentsâ house that one time?â He let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. âAnd weââ
His words cut off.
Because suddenly, he remembered how that sentence ended.
We had sex, and breakfast the next morning was so fucking awkward.
Fuck.
Your face had gone carefully blank.
Mickeyâs stomach dropped. âShitâI shouldnât haveâ I didnât meanââ He groaned, running a hand over his face. âI wasnât trying to make it weird, I justââ
You still didnât say anything.
He scrambled to backtrack, to fix it. âI swear I wasnâtâfuck, I justââ
And then you kissed him.
Mickey froze, his brain short-circuiting.
And then he melted.
A pathetic little sound slipped from his throat as his lips moved against yours, his hands gripping the edge of the bed like he wasnât sure if he was allowed to touch you.
When you pulled back, his breath was shaky, his eyes wide, like he couldnât believe this was real.
You tilted your head, voice softer now. âDo you still overthink everything?â
Mickey let out a breathless laugh, shaking his head. âYeah.â
It was quiet for a moment. He was still breathing heavily, his hands flexing at his sides like he was holding himself back, like he was waiting for you to stop him.
You didnât.
Instead, you reached for him, fingers curling around the front of his shirt, tugging him closer. âMickey.â
That was all it took.
He exhaled sharply, then kissed you againâhungrier this time, more desperate. His hands finally moved, sliding up your waist, gripping you like he was afraid youâd slip away, like youâd disappear again. His lips moved against yours with a kind of recklessness, because heâd been starving for this, for you, ever since he saw you again on the ship.
You let him press you back against the mattress, let him rut against your leg like a man starved. Which, to be fair, he was. He hadnât been with anyone since you. He couldnât. Every time he let Timo set him up on a date, every time he even tried to kiss someone else, it felt wrong. Like he was betraying you. Like you still had some unseen claim on him that he couldnât shake.
He broke the kissâalthough he wouldâve loved to kiss you foreverâand trailed his lips down your neck, his body trembling slightly, like he still couldnât believe this was happening.
His hands pushed at your tank top, slipping beneath the fabric, fingers skimming over bare skin before he lifted it up and over your head. His breath hitched when your breasts were finally exposed to him. His memories had been fading, the image of you getting hazier the longer youâd been apart, but now he had something real. Something to burn into his brain.
His hand skimmed over your ribs, then moved up to cup one of your breasts, squeezing gently. âYouâre so fucking perfect,â he murmured, pressing an open-mouthed kiss against the soft skin.
His mouth kept moving downward, slowly, trying to take his time to savour this moment, because in the back of his mind, he was still worried youâd wake up tomorrow and regret all of it. That youâd say it was a mistake. That this was a one-time thing.
So he needed to drag it out as long as possible.
His fingers curled around the waistband of your underwear, and when you didnât stop him, he pulled them down your legs, tossing them somewhere across the room.
Then he was on his knees, gripping your thighs, spreading them apart. He looked up at you, eyes dark, burning with something raw. Something overwhelming.
âLet me,â he murmured. âPlease.â
The way he said itâlike he was asking for permission, like this was something he needed rather than just wantedâmade your stomach twist in the best way.
You nodded, breath catching. âGo ahead.â
Mickey didnât waste another second.
He kissed the inside of your thigh first, inhaling deeply. He wanted to take his time. He really did. But the second he pressed his lips to your cunt, all his self-control shattered. He groaned at the first taste of you, his grip on your thighs tightening like he was afraid youâd slip away.
And he didnât stop.
It was desperate. He was clearly making up for lost time, trying to worship you with his mouth alone. His hands held you in place, keeping you still even as your body arched beneath him.
He moaned against your skin every time you gasped, every time your fingers tangled in his hair and tugged. His name fell from your lips in a breathless whisper, and he just kept going, chasing every sound.
He shifted his grip, pressing his thumb against your clit, rolling it in slow circles. He felt the way your thighs started to shake, the way your stomach tensed, the way your breath stuttered right before your orgasm crashed over you, and Mickey didnât let up, not until you were tugging him up to kiss you, his chin and lips slick with your release.
He looked at you like you were something holy.
âFuck,â he panted, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. âYouââ He exhaled sharply, shaking his head, like he couldnât even find the words. âThat was awesome.â
You let out a breathy laugh and pulled him back down for another kiss, shivering slightly at the taste of yourself on his tongue.
Then you shifted, rolling him onto his back, straddling him. His hands immediately found your hips, squeezing tight, eyes dark as he looked up at you.
âYou okay with this?â you asked, your voice softer now.
âYeah. God, yeah, Iâm so okay. I want you,â he rambled, nodding quickly.
You leaned down, lips brushing against his. âThen shut up and let me take care of you.â
His breath hitched. âYes, maâam.â
A loud moan ripped from his throat as you sank down onto his cock, your warm heat engulfing him, making his head spin.
He never wanted to leave. He wanted to stay here forever, looking up at you, watching your tits bounce in his face until the end of time.
He leaned up slightly from the pillows, his lips latching onto one of your nipples, moaning softly against your skin as you rocked against him, grinding rather than bouncing.
âGood boy,â you murmured, threading your fingers through his hair. He whimpered at the praise, his hips stuttering beneath you.
âYouâve thought about this, havenât you?â you asked, your tone teasing.
He nodded, his eyes glassy, pupils blown wide.
âTell me, Mickey,â you pressed, your nails scratching lightly at his scalp. âHave you been with anyone else? Or did you just miss my cunt? Did I wreck every women for you?â
His breath caught. He pulled away from your breast just enough to meet your gaze. âIââ His voice was wrecked. âI neverâ I couldnât. I tried, butââ He swallowed thickly. âNo one else ever felt right.â
Your stomach clenched at that, something warm curling around your ribs.
âYou gonna cum?â you asked, and he nodded desperately.
âCan I? Please?â he begged.
âYeah, of course you can,â you murmured. âMy good boy.â
You lifted off him just in time, wrapping a hand around his cock, stroking him through it. His release painted your stomach, his loud, wrecked moan filling the room.
You let him catch his breath before pressing a soft kiss to his lips, then sliding off the bed.
âIâm gonna go to the bathroom, okay?â you whispered.
Mickey hummed in acknowledgment, his eyes already half-lidded.
You cleaned yourself up, went to the toilet, then grabbed a warm rag before heading back to the bed. You wiped him down gently, pressing soft kisses to his skin as you did.
âYou did so good,â you whispered, Mickey already half-asleep.
You turned off the lights before crawling into bed beside him. He immediately wrapped himself around you, resting his head against your bare chest, arms encircling your waist.
âWhat does this mean for us?â he murmured sleepily, glancing up at you.
âIt means Kenneth is gonna be really mad when he finds out weâve been having sex every day,â you teased.
Mickey grinned, pressing his face against your skin. âGood.â
And then, with a content sigh, he drifted off to sleep with you following not long after.
#bethsvrse#fanfic#mickey barnes x fem!reader#mickey 17 x fem!reader#mickey barnes smut#mickey 17 x reader#mickey barnes x reader#mickey 17#robert pattinson x you#robert pattinson x reader#robert pattinson
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hiii, you can ignore this request if you donât want todo it!! Itâs sort of fluffy/hurt comfort. Spencer and reader have been pining over each other for ages until reader finally asks Spencer on a really cute date to a museum or something. Reader shows up a little early to make sure they are there on time, and waits for Spencer to arrive. Spencer is super super late because something happened on the underground/metro, and reader thinks Spencer has just stood her up so she flees to Penelope. Iâm not sure how it would end, and sorry itâs so long!! :)
date â spencer reid
pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: reader feeling upset bc she thinks spencer stood her up a/n: hii !! i love this idea and i hope you like this :) also this gif might be my all time favorite spencer gif
You were early. Maybe a little too early.
But sitting at home, pacing back and forth, obsessively checking the timeâit was only making things worse. Youâd spent the better part of an hour staring into the mirror, pulling and adjusting your clothes, second-guessing every little detail. At some point, you just had to force yourself out the door before you talked yourself out of it completely.
And now, here you were. Standing outside the museum, shifting from foot to foot, your breath fogging slightly in the crisp afternoon air.
It was a history museum. The moment youâd heard about the new exhibit, your thoughts had gone straight to Spencer.
It had taken you a month to work up the courage to ask him to come with you. A full month of rehearsing in your head, psyching yourself up, only to completely fall apart when the moment actually came.
You had been a stuttering mess, stumbling over your words, barely able to get the invitation out. But SpencerâSpencer had been just as awkward. There had been a long, heart-stopping pause where your pulse pounded so loudly you were sure he could hear it.
Then he nodded. Enthusiastically.
His curls bounced with the movement, and for a second, you thought he might actually be more excited than you were. The two of you had grinned at each other, wide and dorky and entirely too pleased with yourselves.
The memory made you smile as you stood there, phone in hand. You glanced at the screen. 1:55 PM. Five more minutes.
Deep breaths, you reminded yourself.
Your fingers tapped lightly against your thigh as nervous energy buzzed through you. You werenât sure if it was the anticipation of the date itself or just the fact that it was Spencer.
Maybe both.
Time passed. More than five minutes. More than ten. Too much time.
You had started out standing near the entrance, glancing around every few seconds, expecting to see a familiar figure rushing toward you with an apologetic look on his face. But as the minutes ticked by, your stomach slowly twisted into knots.
Now, you were sitting on a nearby bench, your hands clasped tightly in your lap, biting your lip to keep your emotions in check. You stared down at your phone, heart sinking as the screen lit up. It was much, much later than 2 PM.
Spencer wasnât coming.
And you knew him well enough to know that Spencer was the most punctual person on the planet. If he hadnât shown up by now, there was only one explanation.
Spencer Reid stood you up.
Your fingers trembled slightly as you pulled up your contacts, pressing the call button.
Penelope answered on the second ring.
âHey, sugarplum! Whatâs up? Are you geeking out over fossils and artifacts yet?â
You hesitated, your throat tightening. âHi, Pen⊠are you busy?â
Immediately, her tone shifted. The warmth in her voice was still there, but now it was layered with concern. âNo, not at all. Whatâs wrong? You okay? I thought you and Boy Genius were off on your little nerd date.â
You let out a small, shaky breath, staring down at your shoes as you nudged a small rock. âNo⊠uhm⊠no.â
There was silence on the other end for a moment, then a softer, more careful voice. âDo you wanna come over?â
You nodded before realizing she couldnât see you. âYeah. Yeah, can I?â
âOf course, sweetheart. I made cupcakes this morning. Iâll have some waiting for you.â
You murmured a quiet âthanksâ before hanging up, already pushing yourself off the bench. Penelopeâs apartment wasnât too far from the museumâthank God. You just needed to get away from here.
The walk to her place was a blur, and before you knew it, you were curled up on her couch, a plate of cupcakes in front of you. You picked at the frosting absentmindedly before finally whispering the words that had been weighing on your chest.
âHe stood me up.â
Penelopeâs eyes widened in shock. âWhat?â
You took another bite of the cupcake, trying to drown your sorrows in the taste of chocolate.
Penelope was still staring at you, her brows furrowed in confusion. âBut⊠he was so excited.â
Your chewing slowed. You glanced up at her. âHmm?â
She shifted closer, her expression troubled. âSpencer. He had been talking about this all week.â
That caught your attention. You sat up a little straighter, swallowing the bite of cupcake.
Penelope nodded, as if replaying the memories in her head. âHe actually bought a new tie for it,â she added, her voice full of certainty. âA completely new tie. I helped him pick it out.â
You blinked, your breath hitching. âWhat?â
âHe wanted it to match you.â She gave you a knowing look. âI mean, he didnât say that, but I know these things. The man was so particular about the color, the pattern, everything. He kept fidgeting the whole time we were shopping. It was adorable, really.â
Your mind reeled.
Spencer had been planning for this. He had been excited.
So why hadnât he shown up?
You were suddenly wide-eyed, staring at her as she continued rattling off all the things he had done in preparation for the dateâhow he had debated over restaurant options in case you wanted to get food after, how he had even worried about what books he might mention so he wouldnât ramble too much.
He had wanted this.
âOh.â
It was all you could manage to say. Your brain was still trying to process everything Penelope had just told you.
He had been excited. He had planned for this. He had even bought a new tie.
You couldnât help the warmth that crept up your neck, a soft blush blooming across your cheeks. âSo⊠he wanted to go out with me?â you asked, your voice laced with disbelief.
Penelope tilted her head at you, giving you a look that practically screamed, Seriously? You still have to ask?
Silence settled between you.
Then, finally, you spoke againâquieter this time, your confusion only growing. âSo⊠why didnât he come?â
Penelope hummed, tapping a perfectly manicured nail against her chin. âMaybe he got the day wrong?â
You gave her a flat look. âGarcia, itâs literally our only day off from work. Iâm pretty sure he didnât mix it up.â
She groaned, slumping back into the couch. âRight. Good point.â
The two of you sat there, completely stumped.
Penelope let out a dramatic sigh. âI also have some cookies if that helps?â
You exhaled, running a hand through your hair. âYeah,â you mumbled. âThat helps.â
She shot up from the couch. âGood, because emotional support baked goods are my specialty.â
You managed a small smile, but even as she disappeared into the kitchen, your thoughts remained elsewhere.
But then you were pulled from your thoughts by the sound of a knock at the door.
Before you could react, Penelopeâs voice rang out from the kitchen. âCan you get that? Iâm trying to heat up the cookies.â
âSure,â you called back, pushing yourself up from the couch and making your way to the door.
The last thing you expected when you opened it was him.
Spencer.
Your mouth fell open slightly.
He stood there, slightly breathless, his shoulders slumped like heâd just run a marathon. His curls were messier than usual, a few stray strands sticking to his forehead. But what caught your attention most was his outfitâsomething youâd never seen him wear before. A soft button-up, a tie you knew had to be the new one Penelope mentioned, and a blazer that was slightly wrinkled, as if he had been gripping the fabric with nervous hands.
Neither of you said a word. The silence stretched, thick and heavy, as you just stood there, locked in place, staring at each other.
Then, from behind you, Penelopeâs voice broke the moment. âThe cookies are ready!â
You heard her footsteps approaching before she finally reached the door, holding a plate of freshly warmed cookies in her hands. âWhoâs at theââ
Her sentence cut off the moment she saw him.
Spencer.
She froze.
Now she was staring too.
More silence.
You swallowed, your fingers tightening around the edge of the door. âSpencer,â you finally breathed out, your voice barely above a whisper.
He blinked, as if snapping out of whatever trance he was in. His lips parted, like he wanted to say somethingâneeded to say somethingâbut the words just wouldnât come.
âHow dare you stand her up like this?â
Garciaâs voice cut through the tension like a knife. She held the plate of cookies in one hand while the other jabbed a perfectly manicured finger in Spencerâs face.
Spencerâs eyes widened, his cheeks darkening with guilt. âI didnât mean to, I swear,â he stammered, shifting nervously. His gaze flickered from Garcia to you, his expression almost pleading.
âI took the metro,â he rushed out, âand then it broke down. Completely. They couldnât get it fixed for an hour and 10 minutes, and my phone didnât have service underground, and Iââ He stopped abruptly, his ramble faltering as he let out a breath.
When he spoke again, his voice was softer. âIâm so sorry.â
Garcia pursed her lips, narrowing her eyes as if debating whether to keep scolding him or let him off the hook. After a moment, she exhaled dramatically and slowly backed away toward the apartment.
âAlright, alright. I see whatâs happening here,â she muttered under her breath, before giving you a not-so-subtle wink and slipping inside, leaving the door slightly ajar.
Now, it was just you and Spencer.
You werenât sure what to say.
You had been so sure he had stood you up. The hurt, the disappointmentâit had all settled deep in your chest. But now, standing here in front of him, hearing the way his voice shook with sincerity, seeing the genuine guilt in his hazel eyes, you felt your frustration unravel, piece by piece.
âOh.â
It was all you managed to sayâagain.
Spencer winced slightly, rubbing the back of his neck. âI know thatâs not really an excuse. I should haveâI donât know, found another way to get to you, orââ He sighed, shoulders slumping. âI just⊠Iâm really sorry.â
You studied him for a moment, your gaze softening. A small smile tugged at the corner of your lips. âSo you didnât ghost me on purpose?â
His eyes widened a bit, and he rushed to correct himself. âNo, no, of course not. I wouldnât do that to you.â His voice dropped slightly, filled with sincerity. âI was actually looking forward to today. I did my research on the museum, and I heard thereâs a painting on the second floor thatââ
Spencer abruptly stopped himself, his face turning a dark shade of red. He tugged at the strap of his satchel nervously, clearly embarrassed by his over-explanation.
You couldnât help itâyou smiled even wider.
âHow did you know Iâd be here?â you asked, leaning against the doorframe.
Spencer seemed momentarily caught off guard by the question. âOh.â He blinked, looking slightly flustered. âWell, youâre very good friends with Garcia,â he said, his voice tinged with uncertainty.
From inside the apartment, you could hear Garcia mumbling with an exaggerated tone, âGood? We are best friends, Dr. Reid.â
You grinned, knowing she was eavesdropping. Spencerâs cheeks reddened further, and he seemed to realize that his conversation was no longer entirely private.
Spencer continued, recovering quickly. âEvery time youâve had a bad day at work, you tend to go to Garcia.â He gave a small shrug, like it was an obvious conclusion. âLike that one time when Hotch made you rewrite your reportâremember that? You went to Garcia then.â
You raised an eyebrow, intrigued.
âOr when Strauss got mad at you,â Spencer continued, his voice now soft with the memory. âYou also went to Garcia.â He fiddled with his satchel again, clearly fidgeting with nerves.
You let out a small chuckle. âI see how it is. Iâm predictable.â
Spencer gave a sheepish smile, his hands finally falling to his sides. âI didnât mean to make it sound like that. I justâwell, you seem to always go to her for advice when you're upset.â
You could hear Garcia mutter a small âAs she should,â behind you.
Your heart warmed at his words, and you pushed yourself off the doorframe. âI guess youâre right. I do tend to run to Garcia when things go sideways.â
He nodded, looking slightly relieved that the tension seemed to break between you. âSo, I just assumed youâd be here⊠and when I got here, I wanted to explain⊠before you thought I had just⊠forgotten.â
You stepped forward, offering him a smile. âWell, i'm glad i can stop worrying that you've stood me up.â
Spencerâs shoulders relaxed. âI really am sorry,â he repeated, his eyes soft and earnest.
You looked him in the eye, the teasing edge of your voice gone, replaced by something warmer. âItâs okay, Spencer.â
A small, relieved smile spread across his face as he let out a quiet sigh, trying to smooth down his disheveled curls. He tugged at the hem of his shirt, attempting to look a bit more put-together in front of you.
Then, as if on cue, Penelopeâs voice cut through the silence, loud and clear from the other room. âDr. Reid, ask her if she wants to go to the museum now!â
You could almost hear her taking a bite of something, likely one of the cookies sheâd been baking earlier.
Both you and Spencer immediately blushed, the heat rising to your faces at her suggestion.
âR-rightâyeah, uhmâŠâ Spencer stammered, his voice faltering for a moment as he tried to collect his thoughts. âWould⊠would you like to go to the museum?â His voice was shy, and the way he stumbled over the words made your heart flutter a little.
You couldnât help but smile at his awkwardness. âYes,â you nodded enthusiastically, your excitement starting to bubble up. âIâd love to.â
You turned to Garcia, who was still sitting on the couch, her eyes wide with a smile so big it practically took up her whole face. âIâll, uh, see you at work, Pen,â you called over your shoulder, still feeling a bit giddy.
Garcia shot you two thumbs up, still grinning like she was the proudest friend in the world. âHave fun, lovebirds!â she yelled after you.
You couldnât help but laugh at her enthusiasm as you turned back to Spencer, whose face was still a little flushed. âShall we?â you asked, motioning toward the door.
Spencer nodded, a shy smile tugging at his lips. âYeah⊠letâs go.â
#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fluff#criminal minds#criminal minds x you#spencer reid#spencer reid x you#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid angst#criminal minds fic#criminal minds angst
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weeping dragon

pairing: neuvillette x fem!reader
summary: neuvillette thinks he isnât deserving of your love.
content: cliche !!!, reader trapped in his house bc of rain, lil antsy but happy ending
wc: 800
a/n: mm hii!! first fic here! I hope you enjoy it I kind of wrote it in twenty minutes and Iâm just publishing it without beta reading bc (we die like men) Iâm just too in love with neuv and I want to share it with the world lolol
Neuvillette couldnât bring himself to even think about making a move.
He kept many secrets, and every time he faced your bright smile he would remember it was not his place to disturb your peace. After all, how could a young woman like you endure the dangerous claws of a dragon?
You had stopped by his house to discuss the latest trial and his emotions got the best of him, causing a rain to start pouring.
A storm was approaching; lighting was seen through the window and low thunders could be heard. Neuvillette plagued himself under his breath, hoping there would be a day where he could better control his feelings.
âHere,â he said as he handed you the cup of tea. You watched the lighting curiously, âI do not think the storm will pass for a few hours. You should stay. For the night, I mean.â
You took the cup of tea and averted your eyes from the window to Neuvilletteâs face. You studied him with caution, as if it was the first time you ever saw the man â even though you worked together for many months.
âAre you okay?â you asked, ignoring completely his offer.
The words got stuck in his throat and, for a few seconds, he really thought he wouldnât answer. The man sipped on his tea, his mind racing while trying to figure out why you would ask that all of the sudden. âMay I ask why are you asking me such a question?â
It was a small gesture, but he saw it all the same; the way you flexed your hand. There was something you wanted to grab?
Something you wanted to hold?
âThey say⊠It rains when the Hydro Dragon weeps. Yeah, that's what they say,â you murmured and once again looked out the window. To the storm. âThe Hydro Dragon. That would be you, right?â
Neuvillette almost choked on his tea, every part of his body malfunctioning and leaving him with only one thing for sure: in his entire existence, this was the first time he was left completely and utterly speechless.
Your warm and comforting eyes turned to him, and you grabbed his cup of tea to put it alongside yours on the coffee table. âNeuvillette,â you spoke his name as if it was a piece of poetry you were yet to learn â eager to do so, âTalk to me.â
And thenâ your hands, so small and fragile if compared to his, touched him. Your fingers traced his, and you embraced his hand between yours. He could feel the warmth of your skin contrasting against his cold one, pulling him closer, closer, closer.
âWhen did you figure it out?â was the first thing he said, scared it may be recent. If so, there still is time for you to run, for you to escape. To turn your back and never see him again. Itâs probably the best for you, he knows, but this little selfish part in him canât stand the thought of seeing you gone.
âA month ago or so, it doesn't matter,â youâre quick to cut the subject. âI didn't mention it because I knew you didn't want me to. Iâm just worried, that's all.â
Worried.
She is worried.
The realization clicks in Neuvilletteâs mind, for the first time in so long acknowledging that maybe, just maybe, he was too, deserving of someoneâs concern and care.
âYou are saying it does not matter,â he repeats as if to confirm what he just heard.
I pushed you because I cared about you. I pushed you because you made me feel good and comfortable. I pushed you because I thought my true self would frighten you.
Yet, youâre here. And youâre telling me it doesnât matter.
âIt doesnât. Never did,â you frown. âI just wanna know, noâ I need to know why it is raining, Neuvillette. Why would you weep? Iâm here with you, talk to me.â
Without giving it a second thought, Neuvilletteâs right hand finds your lower back and in a split second you're pressed against his chest, the tightest hug you have ever been given. Heâs much taller than you, and you can feel perfectly as he inhales your scent and hugs you tightly.
âNeuvââ
âI thought I had to restrain myself from you. I thought I was no good,â he finally speaks his mind, distancing himself enough for you to see his face; the weeping Dragon. Oh, the melancholy in his eyes.
The eyes of someone who almost lost something precious.
âNeuvillette,â you whispered. âThereâs nothing better for me than you.â
And it was true; so you pulled on his hair just enough to have him connecting your lips, a sigh of relief escaping him as if there was nothing in this world he had anticipated more.
#wbysaber#neuvillette#neuvillette x reader#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#fontaine#neuvillette x you#neuvilette#neuvilette x reader#fanfic#oneshot#drabble#imagine
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ê đđ đđđ, đđđđ đđđđđ đ
đđđ đđđ.

â you're not a curse, you have never been. you were my blessing and my salvationâ the best thing that has ever happened to me. you cleared my skies and showed me how it was to love⊠and be loved. â
summary: when your entire village faced the king of curses' wrath, you were sure you'd be as good as food for him but life decides to weave the strings of fate and intertwine yours with the very person who tries to cut it short.
desc: 8.6k words, f!reader, sfw, angsty angst hehe, major character death, cannibalistic thoughts (sukuna is a cannibal after all), takes place in the heian era, true form sukuna, bit ooc bc we know his ass isn't capable of love, ! slightly gory parts!, this is canon bc i said so, kenjaku isn't known as kenjaku yet â he's still known as noritoshi kamo, yorozu mentioned, basically just me raw dogging the storyline during the heian era lol.
notes: this took way longer than it should but i battled like three burn out sessions to write this so lmao. also does anybody get the aot reference in the title? this might MIGHT have a part two if i can think of a good plot to mirror it. if you get the reference, you'll alr know what it's going to be titled :P

must be horrifying isn't it? being a mere human amongst sorcerers and curse users capable of destroying and killingâ powerless among the powerful whose thirst for yet more power remain a bottomless pit of unquenchable desire.
in this state of the world, your life wasn't your own. it belonged to the people who were strong enough to kill you or considerate enough to spare you.
and among dangers looming throughout, one triumphs all. one whose name was even powerful enough to send curses back at just the mention of it.
ryomen sukuna. feared by curses and non curses alike. the ruthless evil entity who feeds off of humans. there is no doubt about him being the king of curses, capable of having any being in the palm of his hands.
including you.
your village faced the wrath of the king of curses himself, not a brick was intact nor a rock left unturned. and what's even worse? he didn't have any reason for his destruction. he just did it out of his sheer will.
perhaps you should consider yourself lucky to have your life spared, along with some other women and children. all the men were gone without traces â maybe for the better.
trapped in the basement of the castleâs kitchen, you await your fate to be eaten.
what was that you said before? lucky? no, you realise how horribly wrong you were. the wails and cries of terror as yet another person was dragged out of the small room was enough to ring in your ears forever.
the sudden quietness that followed soon after was enough to suffocate you.
the room was dark, wet and disgusting. it reeked of decomposed bodies and blood. nobody was fed well and even if one or two loaves of pitiful bread were thrown into the small cell, it wasn't nearly enough to feed a group of starving people.
at least the number keeps decreasing day by day.
you'd notice how the people who cried, begged or fought back were likely speeding up their deaths so you kept to yourself, waiting for your turn, even if it's just a while later.
after what you think was a couple of days came your turn. you had lost your perception of everything in this tiny suffocating room; you might as well be dead.
you heard some loud clanks of the metal door and suddenly, a harsh pull sends you essentially flying towards whoever was grabbing you.
âthis is the last oneâ you heard a gruff voice say as a light shone inside. it felt like ages since you saw any sort of light, of warmth. in a way, you were relieved. your suffering must be finally coming to an end.
âits this one isn't it?â a low voice asks as they being a lamp closer to inspect you. your eyes were opened and after a long while, you saw again.
âwhy is she in such a weakly state?â the person holding the lamp grimaces at your sight. through your hazy vision, you could still make out the white hair, perfectly in place. they were beautiful.
âwell that ain't my fault is it?â the big creature yanks your arm and you fall wherever it does.
suddenly shards of ice fill the room and the fire from the lamp is put out. in its place is a glowing icy caricature of the creature, holding you intact.
as terrifying as cursed techniques can be, they were also mesmerising. the beautiful fridgid sculpture leave you in awe; the rough hand holding your arm was now frozen and unmoving.
ânow.â the icy person leans down, meeting your eye level, you hadn't realised the dim moonlight illuminating the ice crystals in the room âwhat shall we do with you?â
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
the next time you're concious enough to make out your surroundings, you find yourself in a small dimly lit room. it was heaven in comparision to the previous one.
you scrumble towards the small lamp and take in the warmth. you had no idea where you were, what happened or what would happen but for now, you were alive. barely, but alive still.
weakly, you sit on the floorâ there isn't anywhere else to sit anyway. upon hugging your knees you notice an apparent bruse on your arm. the same place where you were grabbed, the memories come back slowly.
did the white haired person save you? could you maybe have a chance at life?
no, being in captivity by the king of curses himself tells you enough that you weren't going to make it out of here alive. well, it's not like you necessarily want to either. your home and the people in it were gone, some of whom you witnessed their end.
it's only fair for you to meet the same fate as them.
the sound of the door unlocking interrupts your thoughts, then in came the person with snow like hair.
âfinish thisâ they hold out a tray of food and set it down next to you. you only lean away defensively.
without so much of another word, they make their way towards the door that is, until you decided to stop them.
âyou saved me didn't you?â it had been a while since you even heard your own voice and you don't miss the way it sounded more resigned than it had ever been.
âdo not be fooled. it is all in consideration for my master. finish the plateâ with that they walk away, leaving you with even more questions than before.
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
when the certain white haired person decides to show up, they look pleased with your health. well, it should come as a no surprise since they keep feeding you â overfeeding you in fact. and you know why.
fatten up the stock so that it's in top shape when it's time to consume it.
âfollow meâ they say, holding the door open.
obediently, you follow the person you owe your life to, for now anyway, and they lead you through alleys and stairways you had never seen before.
only sounds of footsteps and your exhausted huffs can be heard in the hallway filled with various markings on the wall. you don't even want to know what they mean.
âso⊠how do i call you?â you manage to ask, maybe if you try to get close to them, maybe they can help a second time.
don't kid yourself.
no reply comes and you feel heat rush to your cheeks from embarassment. but hey at least you tried.
your wandering eyes missed to see them stop before a certain door and you crash into them with a grunt. they must be well built because the impact did not faze them at all.
âsorryâ you rub your nose that was sore from bumping your face into their back.
âi go by uraume. i am master sukuna's loyal servant. beyond this door is the garden and you are to take a walk twice a day to build up your stamina. i shall be checking on you daily.â
âwhy should i need to do that?â
âdo as you are told. now goâ they open the door for you.
beyond the door is a garden too beautiful to belong in the palace of such an abominable being. flowers of all kind adjourn each corner, flourishing in all their bloosoming glory.
the sky was as clear as can be, with the sun brightly shining as if it's wishing people a good day. the birds chirping and the gentle breeze that brushes through your hair reminds you of your home back in the village and your heart aches a little.
âthankyouâ you turn back but uraume is now long gone.
gee must people be so cold around here?
you stroll along the garden, savoring your time outside in so long. how long has it been exactly? you couldn't recall. maybe you should ask uraume the next time they come around.
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
only this time when uraume does show up, they don't lead you towards the garden. instead, you find yourself at the door of the king of cursesâ throne room.
uraume doesn't say a word and only ushers you in.
is this doomsday? you recall the screams of fear from the people you used to share a home with. the look on their faces, their nails desperately clinging onto the prison bar while pleading for mercy â all of that for naught.
and the silence that followed.
it's possible that the well timed meals and the strolls you took in the beautiful garden was the mercy your people begged for but never got.
maybe you should be thankful you even got to have those.
âmaster is impatient. you should go in right this instantâ uraume insists. something about their behaviour tells you if you don't do as told, you'd have a fate worse than what you could ever think of.
with all the courage you could muster, you unlock the door and take strides into it, as confident as you could make it seem.
the four armed monster looms in front of you, starting down at you as if you were only a mere bug.
perhaps you were â small and helpless, under the mercy of the predator who had seen you.
you bow politely, it seemed like it was the only appropriate thing to do.
sukuna thinks you're pathetic.
just a mere human and not worth his time. there was only a small reason as to why he hasn't had his way with you yet.
your flesh and blood.
to him, you smelled hauntingly sweet and hypnotisingly alluring. that was what drew him to your village in the first place â the hunt for the sweet scent that awakened all his senses, although he doesn't have any idea why.
sukuna is a curious being, he seeks to know the mysteries of the world â one of the reasons why he's so wise, adding to his strength.
so until he has his answers, he plans to keep you around. after that, he can enjoy your flesh however he wants.
just you standing mere feet away from him was enough to tempt him to bite you already. how would it feel to sink his teeth into your skin and have your blood flow down his throat? sukuna couldn't wait until he has the chance to do so.
âleave.â the monster only dismisses you after staring at you so intently, he might as well be staring deep into your soul.
you look up at him in confusion, why would he call you here without any particular reason?
âdo your ears not work, human?â sukuna says, rather impatiently.
âlower your gaze and know your place, foolâ he practically growls and you look away faster than the speed of light. one more bow and you're bolting out the door.
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
your stay at the palace was a cycle of eating, sleeping and taking strolls. it was beginning to get monotonous, boring even. but its much better than facing the king of curses ever again.
you still had no idea why he called you to his throne room and honestly, you don't even want to find out why.
life wasn't so bad â the flowers were beautiful and smelled lovely, the meals were scrumptious and your sleep? well nightmares were inevitable but there were nights when you slept like a log.
and unbeknownst to you, a certain four eyed creature could be seen watching over you. no, observing you. its only right for him to observe his prey right?
it's not out of the goodness of his heart that when you whimper and cry out in your sleep because of a weak nightmare curse looming over your head, he kills it with only a tilt of his own. no, it's only because that curse deters your well being, hence your development to reach your full potential to be a perfect feast for him. nothing more.
weak human, you don't have the means to kill such a low grade curse or even see it. so why were you special? what makes you so different than the other filthy beings with no cursed techniques roaming the earth? sukuna still couldn't tell.
he's aware though â of your silent fear and unspoken resentment you have towards him. he's aware of your quivering soul whenever you sense his presence. he's aware of your desire to escape this place.
but he's also aware of how your smile becomes a little more genuine when you smell a particular flower in his garden. he's aware of how your eyes soften when you see the setting sun. he's aware of how you tried to get close to uraume and only get shut out. he's aware of you.
and that angers him to no end.
what infuriates him even more is how that pathetic servant thinks he can talk to you, and with such ease too. how dare he speak lowly of you? that's a direct insult to him isn't it?
âyou mean less than a concubine?â sukuna scoffs at him for even comparing you to one.
so the next time he calls the council for a lecture, he doesn't even blink one of his four eyes when the said servant in question gets slashed by his formidable cursed technique.
the room grows thick with the smell of blood that was now splashed all over the carpets and tapestry hanging on the wallâa grueling task for the cleaners later.
âevery tongue that rises against my prey shall fall.â the headless body of his once loyal servant serve as testimony to his words.
the palace may be big but rumours flew around: another servant ruthlessly executed by the monstrous beast. even the people under him weren't given an ounce of consideration.
is it a coincidence that it was the same person who cornered you just a day ago? you don't ponder.
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
after the ruthless slaughter of your village and everything in it, it didn't take long for sukuna to find his next target.
it wasn't anything new to anybody at all that he was a bloodthirsty beast, revelling in chaos and ruin. one after another, his victims were crushed mindlessly and so easily, it made you sick how powerless other people are in comparison to him.
out of all his battles and countless destruction, one prominent opponent was the fujiwara clan.
they were an elite clan, taking pride in the strength of their squadrons. the world held its breath upon hearing of the battle, maybe they had the potential to rival the king of curses.
the outcome didn't change though. sukuna remained prevalentâbringing the sun, moon and stars at his feet. the five empty generals did not even measure upto him.
the battle must have been so agonising to the point where the authorities were willing to hold festivals in his honour, out of utter terror.
it was at this harvest festival where sukuna had encountered a certain shameless sorcerer who was on her way to be completely obsessed with him.
yorozu had only one goal: to alleviate sukuna's loneliness with her love â something she believed only she was capable of.
thus why she leeches onto him, much like a hick. perhaps sukuna doesn't see her as a threat or he deems her powerful enough, he didn't get rid of her, for now at least.
however, her dreams were short lived.
yorozu sits next to sukuna in his throne room, enticing him with gentle nudges of her exposed chest. her haori was united and her hair fell graciously past her shoulders all the way down her chest.
she only shrieks in horror as she stares at the uninterested man. âyou look different⊠you are different!â she screams angrily.
sukuna only hums in response, deep in thought of how his little prey has been holding up. despite his festivities and celebrations, you were there in the back of his mind, like an itch that cannot be quite scratched.
she stares at him, stepping back further and further âit couldn't beâŠâ
yorozu brings herself to her knees, looking up at sukuna desperately. âi have so much more to teach you about love and the ultimate strength and solitude that it brings!â
she rises, her eyes were erratic, anyone would be afraid of her outburst that was about to come. anyone but sukuna.
âim the one who will teach you about love. that is my purpose and my goal. now tell me, who is it that is taking away your loneliness?â
sukuna raises a brow. it's possibly the only time he indulges yorozuâs antics and also the last.
âi will find out who it is! it doesn't matter if i have to tear this palace apartâ yorozu violently darts out the room in search of something, anything. to her, if it was powerful enough to move sukuna then she would have no trouble finding whatever it is.
and she doesn't. not because you're too powerful but rather because of the lack of it. you stuck out like a sore thumb with no cursed energy running through your body, weak and unarmed just strolling across the gardenâ like the pathetic human you are.
sukuna arrives at the scene, ever observing, ever thinking.
âthat is not true loveâ yorozu mutters, her fists were clenched on her sides as her gaze burnt into you who was unknowing of the fury burning inside her.
âyou're mistaken, sukuna. i will show you what real love looks like!â yorozu screams, making her way towards you who could only stare at her in fear, frozen in place.
it would take sukuna less than a blink of his eye to stop her but he was intrigued. what would he feel if you were to be killed? would he feel pain? anger? the beast always finds his answers so he waits.
and what was that about true love? does that woman think he was capable of it? with you, no less? she sees you, a mere human, as a threat so that must mean something.
yorozu lands on you, digging her nails into your skin, blood gushing out of it. sukuna admires the sight.
you scream in agony as she continue to scratch through you and into you with ease. a maniac expression forms on her face at your slowed breaths and now silent helpless whimpers.
but before you were completely gone, sukuna gets rid of her. you were too busy holding onto your life to tell how he did it but one blink was enough for her to be gone and another makes you realise you were caged in the arms of the four armed monster.
âinterestingâ you heard sukuna say, before your lashes flutter and your eyes close against your will.
sukuna holds your limp body in his arms protectively with calculated gentleness as if a slight jerk would hurt you. well, in your state, it would.
upon watching you get torn apart, sukuna realises he isn't as heartless as he deemed himself. it drives him angry. how could a being as weak as you would have the capability to move him? how could you inflict pain onto him when you're the one who's at his mercy? he scoffs at how ridiculous it is all.
but when his eyes land on youâ your fragile body almost lifeless and bleeding, his only thought was towards your safety and not towards devouring you, albeit the sweet scent of your blood tempting him and calling out to him to drink it.
he stares at his hands tainted with the pretty crimson colour, glistening in the sun but it pales in comparison to the way your eyes were shut as if you were only asleep. sukuna sighs, alright then.
his reversed cursed technique flows through his body into your own, healing the deep tears and cuts. he only hopes you aren't too angry at him for waiting that long to step in.
your staggered breathing was replaced with slow even ones and your wounds disappeared as if they had never been there in the first place. a peaceful expression forms on your face and all of sukuna's eyes soften.
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
the next time you awaken you find yourself in the comfort of your own room making you doubt if everything that happened was a vivid dream. and you would have believed that doubt if not for the person sitting in the corner of your room, his four arms folded into each other.
you flinch upon seeing him and sit straight up, a groan escapes you involuntarily from your sore body.
âyou're awake, bratâ his deep voice sends shivers down your spine.
you nod slightly, your eyes on anything besides him.
âhow are you feeling?â this makes you jolt your head towards him because did he just ask about your well being? you would say you misheard but the frown and distaste on his face only confirms that he was, in fact, concerned about your condition somehow.
âim feeling alrightâ you say quietly, still a bit afraid of the man sitting in your room who could easily overpower you if he wanted.
âi should hope so. your weak body didn't take much to heal as easily injurable as it isâ he sneers from the shadows that enveloped him.
âso it wasn't a dream?â your voice shook a little which doesn't go unnoticed.
âno. i have taken care of the matter. you may rest at easeâ he rises to his feet, he looks way too big to feel safe around. you hug your blankets a little tighter. wait, when did you even have that many?
âdo not fear. i do not intend to harm you.â two out of four eyes narrow at you and how scared of him you looked. sukuna doesn't like how that bothers him.
âhow do i know that?â your eyes didn't meet him, rightfully so, if it was anyone else who questioned him, sukuna would waste no second getting rid of them altogether.
âit is i.â a viable answer â one that doesn't need any further explaination. sukuna maybe a merciless hard hearted being but he's also a man of his words. anyone who knows him would be aware of this fact.
âbut i don't know you.â
he supposes you're right. in a way, nobody knows him. this was also why he remained so strong despite people and sorcerers alike sharpened themselves while fighting him. he did not have an opening to allow them to kill him.
âthen you can start from this moment forward.â
âi don't want to.â for the first time, sukuna faces disappointment; but it's a different kind of disappointment. normally he would be discouraged at how nobody was able to stand a chance against him but now, he feels helpless. much like he was the prey and you're the predator.
âand your reason for that is?â ever so curious, he glowered at your body which had somehow become smaller amongst the sheets of blanket you're enveloped by.
âbecause then⊠then i will grow to understand you. if i do understand you then that would mean id find out you have a heart. someone with a heart would never⊠would neverâŠâ your voice trails away and you look horrified by the memories flooding your mind.
âso i don't want to know you.â you muster up enough courage to stare into his eyes, all of his eyes and sukuna can feel your soul tremble.
he only watched silently as you fidget under his watchful gaze. great. he's at a loss by someone who's terrified of him, how much more could you hit a blow to his pride.
without a word, he steps out of your room and he could hear you exhale. he huffs in annoyance at how tense you are in his presence. and your words. they might as well be your cursed technique attacking him with every enunciation that came from your mouth.
and they were working.
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
the world was somehow shifting. you couldn't exactly pinpoint where or how but it was.
âmaster has assigned you a new room that would be more comfortable for your stayâ uraume says, standing in front of you in a polite stance. âplease allow me to guide you there.â
if this is his attempt to make you forget about all the destruction he caused, for whatever reason, it was futile. he was irredeemable.
your thoughts might have been apparant on your face because uraume continues, âmaster says he does not have an ulterior motive. he simply wants you to be comfortable.â
since when did that beast care about other people's comfort except for his own?
âfine then, show meâ if he offered, then there's no problem in accepting. heck maybe you should be taking advantage of his hospitality and ask for whatever you desire. he has put you on death's row and wiped of everyone you knew after all.
you were led to a room that was closer to the main area of the palace, a stark contrast to the basement of the kitchen â where you started from.
pieces of beautiful art were decorating each corner, finest tapestry hanging from the walls, and the curtains? they were of the best material you had ever known. no doubt, this was a room that exceeded even your dreams.
uraume opened the closet revealing kimonos of various kinds, from silk to linen to satinâ every kind was there. âi was not aware of your taste so i assorted various kinds.â
you were amazed at the room, the materials â everything but these measly riches don't bring lives back and the monster certainly wasn't capable of any empathy so the words saying he has no ulterior motive were nothing but empty to you.
âwhat? have i been promoted from prey to concubine now?â the word alone makes you sick to your stomach but it's the only explanation that makes sense.
âyou are very wrong. master does not keep concubines. it is only an extension of his kindness.â you laugh, sukuna? kindness? please.
four eyes narrowed at your bitter laugh, sukuna stands in the doorway, each of his two arms folded in each other. he has lost count of how much disrespect he tolerates from you but strangely, it does not give him a drive to kill, only annoyance.
a brow raises when you turn around after being aware of his presence and your laugh, as mocking as it was, dropped into a frown.
seeing how speechless you are, he huffs. from out of nowhere, he conjures up a bow and an arrow to go along with it. sukuna moves stealthily, one step and he's already next to you.
the bow and arrow are shoved into your hands âi have heard you are exceptionally good with theseâ sukuna says, his voice was low and calculating â if you hadn't known better, you'd say it quivered a little.
he wasn't wrong though, you had to hone some sort of hunting skill for food. life wasn't kind and you learnt it the hard way. nevertheless you felt safer with some kind of weapon you were familiar with, even though they won't be of much help against a sorcerer.
âmasterâs very own bow and arrowâ uraume interrupted, their face had an expression of shock you had never seen on them before. there was an engraving on themâ the same mark that sukuna had on his body.
âwhy give me this?â you ask and receive no answer. not because sukuna doesn't want to answer you, he simply doesn't have a reason. he just wanted you to have it. it felt natural. he'll be damned before he ever admits that to you or even to himself.
âwhat if i use it on you?â you press on, clutching onto the wooden weapon tightly. âwhat if i wanted to fire this at you?â
âi would let you.â
it caught you by surprise. why? you want to ask but you also didn't want to hear his reason. you don't want to know him. the little barrier you had put between you both is the only thing giving you leverage against such a vicious being, you couldn't afford to have it break down.
taking a quick abrupt step back, you line the end of the arrow to the bowstring and pull on it with an expert ease, aiming it at sukuna. uraume was about to step in but sukuna waves them off. as if the most feared curse user couldn't defend himself.
he could already have you breathing your last breath in a mere second if he wanted to but of course, he doesn't. he just stands there unmoving. his lack of response to your threat made you all the more aggravated.
âaren't you going to stop me?â
âno. proceed with whatever you intend to do, i shall not stop you.â sukuna's folded arms fell to his sides, giving you an open target for his heart.
now you should be firing your arrow with no hesitation right? you have hunted down countless moving targets from as small as a bird to something as big as a deer.
and they were running while you manage to hit a bullseye â every single time. so now this unmoving big target within just a few meters would be a piece of cake. it's your chance to end the tyranny of his wicked rule and him altogetherâ a chance that had not been granted to anyone who stands against him.
but your hands wouldn't move. they wouldn't let go of the string to propel the arrow towards him. they were frozen in place. you would have doubted uraumeâs technique being in play but no signs of ice crystals found themselves anywhere near.
sukuna waits and you wonder if he was ever this patient.
your hands tremble, slowly letting your form down. why couldn't you just do it?
âhumanââ
sukuna's words were cut short by a swift arrow flying towards him. he didn't make a move to avoid it.
your trembling hands were now perfectly stable holding the bow. your breathing was calm, collected even. if anyone were to see you now, they'd wonder who the beast is. empty eyes deadpan at your target.
sukuna stares back, his cheek bleeding from the graze of the arrow. unlike your soul-less face, a satisfactory smile creeps onto sukuna's. âyou didn't miss, did you? you aimed here on purpose.â his hands caress the small wound in awe.
ânext time i wont.â
âas i have said, i will not stop you.â
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
the new room was comfortable, all your needs were tended to and your conduct exceeded your desires. you were treated equal to a queen, if you knew how.
and uraume, sukuna's loyal servant, was now your own. they were still very distant though, not speaking more than they needed to. not like you really minded anyway.
uraume was there to observe. they were under strict orders to keep you safe and also report your daily status to sukuna. you weren't exactly aware of this part but there's no harm done so by logic, there wasn't a problem with it either.
sukuna finds the corner of his mouth twitch when uraume mentioned that you sang obnoxiously loud because you thought nobody was around. he'd have loved to hear that himself.
the amusing brief about you was however rudely interrupted by a strange person brave enough to march directly into the throne room unannounced.
âyou're from the kamo clan aren't you? have you come to die a meaningful death?â sukuna's thirst for battle heightened upon seeing a sorcerer from one of the three main clans in jujutsu. maybe finally, he can have a strong opponent and enjoy the fight without having it end too early.
but the man only chuckles âno, i have come here to negotiate with the almighty king of curses himselfâ
sukuna frowns, now staring at him unamused âyou do not have anything worth a value to me. fight or die a pathetic death.â
âi will do neither of those.â noritoshi kamo, stands face to face with sukuna without a hint of fear in his eyes and that makes sukuna curious. just what kind of offer does he have to be so bold?
âprove that you are worth my time you filthy scumâ sukuna glowers at the man, getting more and more impatient by the second.
âhow about that prey? how is your little prey doing?â kamo smirks and it's enough to tempt sukuna to cut through his skull but no, he refrains because anything that involves you, sukuna doesn't take it lightly.
âspeak up or iâll have you slashed.â sukuna remarks impatiently.
âit would be a shame to have her taken away from you isn't it?â the old man sneers.
the next thing he knows is his ragged breath and a sharp pain across his chest, kamo falls to his knees. sukunaâs technique had manifested a cut through his chest, although not deep enough to end him. with blood oozing out of the fresh cut and his mouth, he still has the courage to glare at the four eyed creature.
âyou must not value your lifeâ sukuna says nonchalantly, leaning against one of his hand, the grotesque sight was nothing new to him at all.
âyour reign is coming to an end isn't it?â kamo laughs, although it comes out through splutters of blood. âno matter how powerful you are, you are not immortal sukuna, you still won't defeat death!â
as if sukuna is one to fear death. sukuna only sighs, revelling in the bloodied state of his intimidator.
âand your little human toy won't eitherâ that earns a reaction from him. sukuna's eyes narrow at the pitiful man fighting for his life.
âwhat are you suggesting?â
âwhat if i tell youâ that there is a way for you to be immortal? and that it's possible to find her in every lifetime?â
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
everyone who knows sukuna knows that he does not get hurt. or yet, there's nobody who's strong enough to hurt him. generation upon generation, sorcerers have teamed up to get rid of him but with no luck. not even one of them could land a hit on the ferocious being.
all the more reason for you to be speechless when he returns with a huge hole in his stomach, bleeding continuously.
it was during your stroll that you saw him staggering over to his room.
okay maybe that was a lie. maybe you'd heard that a very prominent sorcerer in the jujutsu society had challenged him. you didn't know much about that world but it was enough to worry you, even if sukuna was undefeated.
so maybe that worry brings you into a situation where he arrived just while you were taking a stroll in the garden. you definitely didn't purposely take longer to watch the birds fly back to their nest in hopes of making sure sukuna returns. definitely not.
that's also NOT why you're knocking on his door boldly.
the door opens, revealing a confused sukuna. your eyes dart down to his injury but it seems the blood had stopped, still looking nasty regardless.
you wince just by looking at it but sukuna interrupts your unwarranted examination. âeyes here human. what do you want?â
for someone who's supposed to be prey, you're bold because in the next moment, you find yourself pushing through the door and asking him to sit down.
yes. youâ a mere human, barged through his room and asked him to sit. when he doesn't comply, you walk up to him, pulling on one of his hands, guiding him towards his chair and sat him down. and strangely, no hint of protest came from him â not even a grunt or a growl.
with familiar ease, you call in uraume and ask for an emergency kit. they hesitate but comply regardless.
your expert hands slowly disinfect the wound and start stitching it up, not even sparing a glance at the man who just watches you and lets you do whatever you want to him.
âwhere have you garnered skills to do this?â sukuna asks mid stitch and it's only then that you realised he hasn't done so much as flinch. you could imagine how painful it would've been for a normal human but apparently this counts for nothing to him.
âwhen you're desperate enough, you just knowâ the last string goes through his flesh and you tie a knot, snapping the thread off. your movements slow when you realise you're touching himâ skin and all, with your own.
your eyes lock when you search for his and they stare back. this time, you don't see a vicious brute but in its place, you see the eyes of a man. and not just any man, if you allowed your thoughts to wander you'd say it was the same look of a man capable of love.
but you don't â you look away. and sukuna's could feel a slight pull in his chest.
âhuman.â
âi have a nameâ
âhuman.â
the disregard for your name only makes you roll your eyes in annoyance. the man only chuckles at the sight.
âyou do realise i can heal myself?â
a pause. of course how could you forget? reversed cursed technique they call it? all these magical powers granted to them made no sense to you at all. you only stare at the wall dumbfounded as sukuna downright laughs at your humiliated expression.
âwhy didn't you stop me then?â your grumble only amuses him further.
âperhaps because i wanted you to acknowledge how foolish you are?â his tone was teasing and not a hint of malicious intent was within it. a smile creeps on your lips and sukuna could swear his heart rate accelerated.
âi could show it to you if you're curiousâ your wide eyes give him all the confirmation he needed. sukuna rises on his feet, the prior horrid injury long forgotten.
âyou could⊠take off the bandages. if they aren't effective anyway since you can healâ you shrug, trying to brush off your wholly service that was in fact not required in the first place.
âi rather they stay.â his hands graze them gently and you could swear he smiled at the pitiful mounts of cotton plastered on his abdomen.
âcome. allow me to show you what im capable of.â he offers you a hand, out of the many he has and his shoulder slumps in relief when you take it without any protest.
he takes you outside and leads you towards your favourite spot in the garden. you don't let yourself wonder if it's a coincidence or not.
âsee that fruit?â he gestures to a ripe apple hanging on its tree â super red and just the perfect size.
âyeah want about it?â you tilt your head towards him curiously making sukuna more enthusiastic to show you his perfectly crafted technique.
an invisible slash cuts the single fruit out of the tree, making it fall. it was barely noticeable and you'd think it fell on its own if not for the perfect slices it has all while it landed in the palm of your hands.
your wide eyed gaze only delights the man responsible for it. you take one slice off and admire the precision âyou did this?? no way!â
sukuna heaves his chest proudly. strangely, your adulation to his antic gives him so much more satisfaction than wiping out an entire village.
âwait till you see thisâ sukuna takes a step back, his lips quirking up into a tight smirk upon seeing your expectant expression.
he places his hands together and gestures up signs that were not familiar to you. âfuga « open »â his low voice chants while fire manifests into the palm of his hands. he moulds the flames skillfully as it takes the shape of an arrow â a fire arrow.
and you're left with your mouth agape, he was truly terrifying. such bright flames don't even burn him but instead falls into his command.
sukuna likes the way you stare at him in wonder and was tempted to tell you that he created this very technique in honour of you and your bold decision in grazing his cheek with your arrow but for now, he holds his tongue and lets you admire as long as you want.
when the flames burn away, you're still in a hazeâ staring at the man in front of you with diluted pupils: one might think you're in love.
as sukuna focuses his eyes into your own, he's certain he could see into your soul which grows a little more familiar to him everytime he sees you. no it's not how he feels the familiar terror in someone's soul when they tremble in fear of him just as he was about to take their life.
it's not the same shudder of fear he used to feel when he's around you. this time, it's inviting. he feels he could be stripped of his technique and just be a normal being if it meant he could submerge himself in it.
âââââââââââââ đ đ đ đ đ đș
sukuna used to anticipate how he would die. he wanted to meet someone who would be strong enough to give him a formidable death fit for the most evil being to tread the world. news of fresh generation of strong sorcerers would excite him.
but the moment he knew he was entranced by you, that prior excitement was now replaced by fear. not fear for his death but rather, for yours. if anything were to happen to him, who would protect you?
it doesn't help how his enemies were catching hints on his possible weakness now. it all started with that damn bastard from the kamo clan, whom sukuna swears to kill. him and everybody else that could pose as a threat to you, he swears he will kill them all.
a little part of him also starts to fear for his own end. he fears that no matter how long he lives, he might think he doesn't have enough time with you. how could he when you're here, showing the sides or the world he never knew existed? the same world you weaved with every gentle word you say, no matter how insignificant.
sukuna can't get enough of the small smiles that were appearing more frequently when he reaches out to hold your tiny hand in his big ones.
he can't get enough of your soft snores when you're asleep in his chestâ no more nightmares haunting your sleep because as long as he's around, any curse would have to fight him to get to you. no curse was bold enough to do so.
and mostly, he can't get enough of your small gentle strokes across his face. your touch was feather light and curious but so so loving that even when your hands were about to be pulled away, his own grabs them and makes them stay.
sukuna has nothing at all to base it off of, but if he had to name what he's feeling right now, it would be along the lines of complete devotion to you â in other words, he suspects it's the feeling these weak humans and yozoru keep preaching about: love.
and he's not denying itâ not to himself at least or he can't. during his recent battles, he observes himself ending it as quick as possible.
instead of luxuriating in the thrill of battle, he finds himself rushing to kill his opponent â to end it as quick as it was humanely possible because every second he spends away from you is a second wasted.
he was becoming more precise and ruthless now that he has something to protect.
that's why even when you ask about his murder streak and if he could lessen it, he just ruffles your hair and tells you not to worry.
any sorcerer who has gotten close enough to land their sights on you were brutally tortured until they give up on their life altogether.
however, life can be funny at times. his own fear for your well being is possibly responsible for the curse that now latches onto you, consuming and draining the life out of you and sukuna's forced to watch as you slowly became a husk of who you used to be. so really, it's not funny at all.
he feels helpless and he is. none of the cursed techniques he has could exorcise the curse blooming inside you and spreading through your veins.
he has been warned before and he didn't care. he never fathomed to ever find someone to love so he traded his soul for his fervent reign â a binding vow: any being whose soul remotely gets near his own would ruin itself without any means for its resurrection.
another condition of the vow was for him to forget about it only after it was too late. at the time the vow was made, sukuna had thought, no, he'd known he lucked out by a power at the price of such a feeble condition but now⊠now he knows how gut wrenchingly wrong he was.
sukuna slumps in defeat at the sight of your weak body fighting itself. all his four hands encased one of yours as he listens to your staggering breaths that slowly becomes more faint than the last.
for the first time, no matter how tainted his hands were of from the numerous people he murdered in cold blood, sukuna finds himself praying; not for salvation or forgiveness but for your suffering to be placed onto him instead.
he has just found happiness with you, and in you, had just started to learn how to love someone so much that all his wicked ways were something he wished he never did. he had been stupid and arrogant â too arrogant. he was sure the heaven and whole generations of people he killed were now laughing at him drowning in his own misery. how the tables have turned on him and humbled him.
âkuna..â your barely audible voice mades him lean closer to your face, one of his large hands coming up to caress your face delicately.
âhuman. save your energyâ sukuna scolds but his tone was not demanding by any means. it was desperate, desperate for just one more second of you.
a faint smile ghosts your almost now deathly pale face âit's not your fault.â you manage to cough out through staggering breaths.
sukuna's world might as well stop. it was his fault, everything was his fault. from the moment he caught a whiff of your sweet sweet blood to when he looked at you as nothing but prey to the moment when you became the sole reason for his existence, it was all his doing. he has taken you and tangled you amidst the string of despair.
his head shakes in denial, no words coming out of both his two mouths. so much to say, so many ways to say it but nothing.
but you know, the four pupils staring at you take the form of hearts, and that tells you everything. it could be just an illusion you'd heard people speak of on the verge of death but it's enough for you.
your sweet blood slowly looses its essence as you close your eyes, the last light inside you leisurely fading away.
âoi humanâ sukuna calls but there was no response.
âanswer meâ a plea.
still no answer as your hand slowly goes limp in his own. there was silence and nothing. so much of nothing that was unfamiliar in the otherwise air of curiousity that always surrounded you.
âhuman.â sukuna's voice wavers as his hands come to cup your too peaceful face. he searches for any signs of life but he finds none. before he knew it, a drop of water landed on your clueless yet beautiful features, then another and another.
the monster was crying. not just crying â he wept.
his entire body shakes as he lets out his pain, holding onto you desperately as if that would bring you back.
âhumanâ he dries away his own tears on your face and brushes away the hair that dared hide even a portion of it.
âyou're not a curse. you have never been. you were my blessing, my salvation. you are the best thing that have ever happened to me. you cleared my skies and showed me how it was to love⊠and be loved.â
sukuna trembled in grief at your loss. the king of cursesâ reduced to a man in love.
perhaps he wasn't the cannibal here. perhaps you were the one who slowly teared him apart and consumed his very beingâ merging yourself into his core without him even realising it.
but one thing he knows for sure is that if he were to do it again, he'd let himself be devoured entirely by you. over and over again. to be loved is to be consumed and he's offering himself to you, flesh and bones on a silver platter.
âuntil next time, my love.â he leans in and places a fragile kiss onto your forehead and that's the first and last time he has a taste of you.
with the last drop of your blood running dry and the absence of the warmth that made you, you; sukuna finds his answer â the reason why your blood tasted so sweet was because he was made to crave it. something he could quench his thirst with but never getting the chance to do so; a punishment perfectly fit for him.
âyour deal. i shall agree to it on a conditionâ sukuna glowers at kamo who only smirks with an âi told you soâ written all over his face. sukuna would have slashed him to bits if it weren't for the agreement he agreed to take up on.
âi shall trade my soul to become a curse only if i get reincarnated exactly a thousand years from nowâ sukuna proposes, no, commands. it is said that a soul is reincarnated only once every thousand years and he wants to make sure he finds you in the next lifetime. maybe then, he'll have enough time with you and if he's lucky enough, be able to love you without bounds.
âthat could be arrangedâ kamo quirks his head in a way sukuna despises. âbut she'll have no memory of you. you're proceeding with this knowledge, yes?â
sukuna only narrows his eyes and ignores his question âthat is not all. erase her existence from the minds of everyone besides me. generations hence, no one shall know who she is. her name shall be removed from every mouth that speaks of my reign.â
kamo smiles lazily âyour soul is not worth that much sukunaâ. the man strolls freely in the room, not minding the looming presence of the king of curses. âhowever, a binding vow could be arranged.â
great. another binding vow. but if that means he'll meet you in a thousand years time, he'll vow as many times as required.
âthe grounds of the vow is as follows: you shall be reincarnated only if there appears a vessel suitable to withstand you.â kamo proposes. âyour fingers will be cut and hidden in vast areas across the world and you shall only succeed in full reincarnation if you find them and consume them, all while being suppressed by the vessel.â
sukuna frowns and kamo only laughs âdo you agree to the vow knowing all the risk it carries?â
conditions and regulations were a pain but nothing could stop a man desperate enough to give up his soul twice. âvery wellâ sukuna agrees.
and that is how the heian era and sukuna's legacy came to an end; sealing himself â and the memories of you only he carries with him â into his twenty fingers, each of which turned into cursed objects scattered far and wide like pieces of puzzle waiting until the time comes for it to fit itself together again.
#supersweet! writes#jujutsu kaisen#jjk angst#jjk fic#jjk scenarios#jjk imagines#jjk sukuna#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk x y/n#jjk fluff#sukuna#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#sukuna x y/n#sukuna imagine#sukuna angst#ryomen sukuna#jjk ryomen#ryomen sukuna x reader#ryomen sukuna x you#jjk headcanons
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hey love! first of all: i have to admit i started watching criminal minds for the first time earlier this year only bc of your spencer fics! can we get more stripper!reader and spencer? love your writing!!!
thank you!! Itâs a slow routine. You begin in a crouch in your underwear, just like at the club. Chest to your knees, arms twisted with the backs of your hands touching. But, unlike at the club, this underwear is comfortable. Thereâs nobody watching, and you wonât make any tips. You donât have a pole nor a stage.Â
You run through the routine but forgo any pole tricks. You stretch for long, slow minutes, dancing from one space to another. The music in your head isnât anything youâd play at home, but it works to keep time. You end on your knees again.Â
Itâs not fun.Â
You stretch toward your phone and pick it up. Spencerâs texted you twice in the ten minutes you werenât on it.Â
Hi gorgeous, the first begins, do you want to sleep over? I can make you dinner.Â
The second, Sorry, I donât think Iâve ever called you gorgeous before, is that weird? Please come over and pretend I didnât say that if it was weird
A third pops up while youâre reading. Can I come get you?Â
You text him back with pleasure. Heâs the only guy in your life who talks to you just to talk, without thinking he could fuck you if he says enough right things, even though he has fucked you. Hi babe you can call me anything itâs not weird, Iâll come over! Not working this week, maybe I can stay two days(?) let me know so I can pack enough clothesÂ
You can stay all week, if you want to. I miss youÂ
You imagine him holding his phone, his cheeks pink with blush.Â
I miss you too, you text back.Â
Just bring what you want to and we can work it out later
Working it out later could mean anything with Spencer. Heâs silly enough to try and put you in his clothes, and generous enough to take you shopping if it saves the time it takes to drive you home.Â
Youâve packed a bag of clothes and shower things when your phone rings. Spencerâs contact photo covers the whole screen, the two of you together with your face cut out, his smile wide. You were both a teeny bit tipsy.Â
âHello?â you answer, bringing the phone to your ear.Â
âHi!â He sounds nervous. âIâm outside. Am I gonna get towed?âÂ
âNot if you stay in the car. Iâm on my way down right now.âÂ
âOkay, see you in a second,â he says.Â
He never looks comfortable behind a steering wheel. You arenât sure why he doesnât sell his car, maybe because itâs dirt cheap to maintain. He never seems happy to be driving is all.Â
He smiles when you approach his door, which is better. He rolls down the window.Â
âAre you okay?â he asks. You bend at the knees to see him better.Â
âWhy wouldnât I be?âÂ
âI had a weird feeling about you, like you werenât alright.âÂ
You lean down further. âIâm okay.âÂ
He grins. Youâre waiting for a kiss he doesnât give, finding yourself a subject for his staring, completely still as his gaze follows around your face. He makes no move to kiss you, and for a moment insecurity blossoms.Â
âWell, you look okay. Are you getting in? Itâs cold,â he says, nodding toward the passenger side.
âNo help with my bags?â you ask, closing the door when he tries to open it. âKidding.âÂ
You round the hood and climb inside. Then Spencer kisses you, polite but emphatic, one on your lips and another just under your jaw as he squeezes your shoulder. You feed into them lovingly.
âMaybe you can stay at my place forever? That way I can stop missing you all the time,â he says, pulling away slowly.Â
âAnd when the mystery is gone?â you ask.Â
âI donât want mystery with you.âÂ
Spencer takes your bag from your lap and shoves it into the back seat. You drop the smaller one on your shoes.Â
âDo you wanna get pizza or something?â he asks.Â
You hold your jaw where heâd kissed you. âSure,â you say, tingles of his kiss lingering under your hand.Â
âOr Chinese? What do you want?âÂ
You want more kisses, but you love that he always gives you options. âPizza for sure. Curly fries, too. Hold my hand?âÂ
Spencer takes it with gusto over the gearstick, and whatever felt like it was missing earlier fills itself in. âWait,â you say softly, before he can take the car out of park, âjustâŠâ You grab his side and drag him toward you for a hug. Holding hands wasnât gonna be enough âSpencer doesnât know it yet, but you love him, love how safe he makes you feel, love how fun he makes your life. You can be yourself with him, no matter who that really is.
Spencer holds you, his hand across your shoulder blade rubbing soft lines.Â
#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid fanfic#spencer reid oneshot#spencer reid scenario#spencer reid drabble#spencer reid fic#spencer reid fanfiction
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Pt. 1
You and Sukuna are officially parents to the most rambunctious kitten in the entire world; something you canât help but blame your cursed boyfriend for. You both donât really have a name for her yet, because she has such a unique personality it would feel wrong to call her something that didnât fit perfectly. Youâve dropped a few names randomly, trying to test them out, but Sukuna is clearly unsatisfied with every one.
âCome here Moon! Here Moonie!â
âMoon? What the hell are you calling it that for?â
âYou donât like the name? I thought of Moon because she likes to look out the window at the moon every night! Iâve been trying out a few. I also thought about Sugarââ
âWhy the hell would we name that thing something so sweet when itâs a complete menace?!â
Letâs just say, Sukuna is not going to accept any name he thinks is too âsoftâ or âsweetâ. Because whether heâll admit it or not, his daughter is exactly like him, and needs a fear-inducing name like his.
âHow about Zozo?â
âYou mean the Ouija board demon?!â
âOr maybe Valak. Thatâs a powerful female name.â
âTHATS THE NAME OF THE DEMON IN THE CONJURING??!!â
Heâs got a bunch of demonology books anyways (bc heâs a nerd lowkey) and heâs pointing all of these outlandish names out to you, suggesting some that arenât even in languages humans can understand. He tried to suggest others that were less offensive, like âMalevolentâ, which you almost picked on account of âMalâ being a cute nickname, and you were tired of calling your child âkittyâ all the time. But then, almost out of the blue, Sukuna seemed to have a change of heart.
You both came home through the front door after a long day, exhausted and worn out, like usual. But, like youâd both forgotten about your new addition to the family for a second, the sound of meowing and tiny paws on the tiled floor startled you both. Sukuna looked down at his feet immediately, only to find the nameless kitten trying to climb on top of his boot. Her little meows became cries as she begged for his attention, obviously having missed you both after being gone for so long.
âAww, Kuna, she missed you!â You cooed at them, finding the sight too cute to ignore. You look up at your boyfriendâs face expecting to find his usual scowl, but youâre even more surprised when you donâtâheâs staring blankly at the kitten he supposedly hated a few days ago, but the corners of his lips curl up ever so slightly.
You decide to stay silent, not wanting to ruin the moment. Sukuna leans down and picks up the struggling kitten, still not successful in her attempts to climb his pant leg, and holds her to his chest.
âI suppose coming home to this little thing isnât so bad,â he whispered, still looking down at her furry face as she paws at his shirt, âisnât that right, little Akuma?â
Demonologist!Sukuna is a fascination of mine, and NO itâs not because I almost took a semester on itđ€«. I love me some demons, what can I say? Also, thank you guys so much for the name ideas in the comments of part one, youâre all so cute and creative I love you guys so much. I hope you all like the name I picked for the little fur ball in the endđ«đđ»
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