#Like this book understands so much about me and about more than me and I don’t know how to put into words how much it makes me feel things
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Sorry to randomly go off on your reblog, person I am reblogging this from, but I am compelled to correct the disinformation campaigns surrounding the show, so: The OP is an alt-right account that made this post to incite people against Lauren and the show. The headline itself is a misleading, clickbait headline that was also meant to incite people against Lauren and the show. In the original article by Vulture, Lauren states that Henry was annoying because he was bugging her for the role before scripts had even been written yet — and even Henry Cavill himself admitted he was being annoying.
Henry Cavill also massively over-exaggerated how much of a fan he was of the franchise and how much he knew of it. He hadn't even read the books when he first sought out the role because he thought they were based off the video games, he only read the series once back in 2018 after Lauren told him about the books and that the video games were actually based off them, and he's really only played the third game — which he hasn't even played the DLC for.
By his own admission, he also didn't actually do any research or preparation for the role:
“I asked my agent to put me on the spot and wanted to meet Lauren as soon as possible. I didn’t even need to prepare specially for the role. Because I breathe, I experience this universe every day. I’ve already had many opportunities to think about this character when I was playing the game. My preparation was already done before the casting even began!”
(Just for comparison's sake: Joey Batey's read the books 3 times as of 2023 and Therica Wilson-Read tries to go back and reread the series before each season, she watches video essays on youtube to refresh her memory, and she's played the games — and both actors have had their co-stars come to them with questions about their characters and storylines and everything because of how knowledgeable they are about the series.)
Henry Cavill also started the whole narrative about how much he cares about the source material and adhering to it in the press for S2 to deflect from how he cut Geralt's lines in S1, making his characterization inaccurate to the books — which he also lied about by trying to act like Geralt was never originally written as being verbose when he was, he tried to blame Geralt's lack of dialogue on Yennefer and Ciri's prominence, and he tried to act like the lines he was cutting weren't even that important anyway so it didn't really matter that he was cutting them.
(He was also directly responsible for, or at least had a hand in, a lot of other deviations from the books. By his own admission, he didn't want to play Geralt and Jaskier as being as friendly as they are in the books. He didn't seem to understand Geralt or Yennefer's characters or their relationship as he cut a sex scene between them because he didn't think it'd be in character of them to have sex after reuniting even though it absolutely would've been. He nixed even the idea of Geralt and Triss just platonically finding comfort in each other even though that's what happens in the books. He didn't want to play Geralt struggling with fatherhood in any way in S2 or, really, with any character flaws and only positive character traits which led to the domino effect of the most controversial changes from the books in S2 such as Yennefer's betrayal, Eskel's death, and Voleth Meir being the big bad of the season.)
Henry Cavill also started that whole narrative about how important the source material is to him as if the source material and Lauren's vision of the show are some at odds with each other because he was mad that he was co-lead with two women and that the show focuses on women so much.
Also, granted, the following falls into speculation and rumor, but.
There is far more evidence to support the theory that he was fired for being sexist than there is for the idea that he was either fired for caring about the source material too much or he ragequit because of that — especially as he was responsible for many things that went against the books in the first place; he started the whole narrative about how important the books are to him to cover up that fact, make himself look better, and make Lauren, the writers, and the rest of the show look bad; he was mad about how prominent women are in the show even though women play key roles in the books; and S3, his last season, was the closest adaption of the books so far anyway.
Tells you everything you need to know about the people making these adaptations.
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A Spuffy Fan's Perspective on the Reboot
So, as most Buffy fandom knows (unless they’ve been living under a rock in a crater on the Hellmouth), it was announced yesterday that SMG is involved in a Buffy reboot sequel series, one in which she will be a recurring but not central character.
As a lifelong Buffy fan, I’m expected to be overjoyed at this news, and I’m, well, not. Nor are a good number of people deeply entrenched in fandom. I’m super happy for the people who are excited. As a Spuffy fan, though, it’s hard to be jazzed for a number of reasons, among these being that SMG is most definitely a Bangel shipper, and despite being overwhelmingly more popular than Bangel in current times, Spuffy is often overlooked in a lot of key areas of the “official” Buffy promotions, the comics being a notable and welcome exception.
One thing I’ve noticed is a lot of people in Spuffy fandom are more than just “not normal” about Spuffy. I’ve struggled for 20+ years to both identify and articulate why the ship resonates with me so much to the point that news like this can make my anxiety spiral. I understand it’s not an ideal reaction media, but I have lived inside a neurodivergent brain my entire life and that ain’t about to change. And I’m not the only one—I’ve met and interacted with many, many people who feel as intensely as I do and also struggle to articulate why news like this distresses them.
So for everyone who is like me, slightly more than just “not normal” about Spuffy (or any aspect of Buffy!) and distressed about the news, here are some things I keep reminding myself.
Buffy is an Established Multi-Universe Property
We know that there are multiple universes in Buffy; it’s explored in The Wish and then confirmed by Anya later in the series. Not just multiple dimensions, but divergent/adjacent worlds to the one we saw in the show. This has been later explored in the comics, such as The Lost Summer, the Boom reboot, and The Last Vampire Slayer, never mind the plethora of authorized novels and the recent audio play. These were all officially sanctioned, licensed productions that exist outside the official canon.
All of these stories matter, regardless of whether or not they’re considered “official.” For my Spuffy people, some are Spuffy friendly and some are not. We acknowledge what we want to acknowledge and leave the rest behind. Me? If I find the sequel reboot upsetting, I’ll mentally shove it into one of those other worlds, the same as I’ve done with the comics for years (yes, even if they got Spuffy friendly).
One of the points that was brought up yesterday when I suggested just giving the sequel reboot the comics treatment was it’s harder to ignore if SMG is involved. And I get that; I felt the same way about the Slayers audioplay, because significant OG cast members were involved so it felt more official. But upon reflection, I do still think it’s the same as the comics, which were spearheaded and overseen by JW and still considered (until this sequel reboot happens) the official post-series canon. If the involvement of original artists is what makes or breaks something’s authority, then the medium shouldn’t really matter.
And on that note…
Star Wars Legends, Halloween, Terminator, & Other Reboots
For years—decades—following Return of the Jedi, the official Star Wars canon was continued in novels, the same as Buffy was. There was a rich tapestry of intergalactic politics, Leia and Han’s Force family, Luke and Mara Jade, and characters like Grand Admiral Thrawn that proved so popular he’s been recanonized.
These books existed and still exist. The new movies, the reset of canon, all things involving Rey Palpatine Skywalker and Kylo Ben Ren exist alongside established, official property. I know plenty of people who were upset that their investment in the extended Star Wars family was essentially nixed with the sequel series 10 years ago, and others who chose not to acknowledge the sequel series but maintain their post-Jedi canon.
In an era of reboots and sequel series, canon can become a bit diluted. You can’t just erase everything that came before you decided to hit the “start over” button. The recent Halloween trilogy flat-out ignored multiple movies to tell the story it wanted to tell. Terminator has done the same thing, multiple times, with the Sarah Connor Chronicles being officially licensed and more or less officially scrapped, and the last Terminator movie retconning like, what, four or five that came out after Judgment Day. That is to say, established canon doesn’t really matter in this era, because the people making these decisions are doing what fan artists have done for decades; keeping what they want, tossing all else aside, and focusing on the story they want to tell.
If what came before and what has been long established doesn’t matter (and I actually do love this; it opens up worlds and essentially gives us licensed what-if fics), then canon itself is kind of nebulous. It doesn’t matter what is or isn’t established, because established canon is a moving target, subject to personal interpretation. Don’t like the Halloween reboot? Ignore it. There are other movies out there. Don’t like the clusterfuck Disney has made of Star Wars? There is a fully developed alternative. Don’t like any of the options? Come up with your own. Comics do it all the time with superhero stories, and Buffy is nothing if not a superhero.
It’s All Fiction
This is what drives my husband crazy when I try to explain my beyond not normal feelings about Spuffy. It’s all fiction. We’re not talking about historical events here. All fiction lives in exactly one place, ultimately, and that’s between your ears. If you don’t like the way a fictional story went, you can do what fanartists have been doing for years and create your own fix-it. Or find a ready-made fix-it; I promise it exists. And the more I think about it, the less stock I put into “official” stories that are told primarily to make money. The people who are here telling these stories because they love the characters and know the characters on levels that frankly outperform most licensed stuff.
In Summary
So I’ve rambled a lot, but here are the key points to take away:
Buffy is canonically a multi-universe property so the world we’re shown by official licensed sources see isn’t the only one that exists. I didn’t say this in the section, but in this way, all fanfic is canon, because each exists in a different universe
If canon is not sacred in the world of reboots, then what they try to sell us as canon is debatable, negligible, and ultimately fine to just not acknowledge
Official canon doesn’t really matter all that much when you can pick your own, which you can and should
I hope this helps my fellow Spuffys and anyone else who is struggling with the news. My siblings in beyond just not normal. Your feelings, even if you have trouble explaining or understanding them, are valid. You’re not silly. It’s never silly to be upset about news that impacts something important to you. And there’s still so much we don’t know, so speculation abounds, but whatever comes of this, I hope you find some comfort in the freedom of being able to do exactly what the for-profit storytellers do all the time and just fucking ignore what doesn’t suit them.
In the meantime, Elysian Fields Archive will remain a Spuffy exclusive safe space, and I imagine will be home to a shitload of fix-its if the pilot gets picked up, so you’re free to join us there.
Until then, be good to yourself, and to somebody else.
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You're Not A Burden
Zayne x gn!therapist friend!Reader
Based on my own experience as the therapist friend and my struggles with being genuine about my emotions with people close to me ✌️
Warnings: hurt/comfort, established relationship, childhood friends, crying, nightmares
Word Count: 1,517
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Zayne has seen this same pattern ever since you were little; the weight of being the person everyone dumps their problems onto, rants to, leans on no matter how small you may be. It's happened for so long now, he can't remember a time you weren't the one stepping up to bear the brunt of someone else's troubles.
He remembers so vividly one day during recess. Your friend was crying because one of the teachers was being mean and unfair. You held them close, let them cry into your shoulder and blubber about their troubles. And then you went into class with that same teacher, experienced that same cruelty, and held your tongue. It was never about being stronger than anyone else, or that admitting anything was wrong was a weakness; only that admitting anything was wrong would place your troubles onto somebody else.
One time, when his parents were away, he slept over at your house in a pillow fort in the living room. He woke up before you, and you had dry tears on your cheeks.
You take the burdens as easy as you take in a breath of air. Even now, in the middle of your quiet night in, your friend called to rant about their job, their relationships - anything they needed to get off their shoulders. You smiled apologetically at Zayne, kissed his cheek, and disappeared into the bedroom to finish the call without disturbing him further.
He understands, better than most, how difficult it is to watch someone suffer, physically or emotionally. How many times had he gone out of his way to ease the burden of his patients outside of medical care? Trying to get a plushie from the arcade for a girl who was too sick to get it herself. Playing chess with a lonely old man, even when it cut into his lunch breaks. But even he has limits to the burdens he carries.
He listens attentively for your voice through the closed door from his seat on the couch. Quiet hums to show you're listening. Muffled words of advice and support. The call goes on for some time, an hour or more, but not once does he hear you talk about your own struggles. Yet, he knows work has been more demanding lately, you haven't been sleeping or eating well, and you were really looking forward to an uninterrupted night in with him - information gathered through observation, more than not.
Not a single word of complaint.
He can't focus on his book, so he sets it aside in exchange for his laptop. The soft clack of keys fills the silence. It nearly drowns out your voice entirely; the typing pauses every now and then to listen when you speak. His work isn't as efficient, so focused on listening for you, but he manages to get through a few emails and a report or two.
When the door opens, he perks up like a dog whose owner just came home. His fingers are still on the keyboard as he watches you come out from the hallway, smiling apologetically once more as you tuck your phone away with a final glance.
"Sorry about that," you murmur as you sit back in your spot on the couch. He closes his laptop and sets it aside. "Lisa's been having a lot of guy troubles lately and just got back from a bad date."
He hums his acknowledgement and turns his body to face you. Cool hands grab yours, holding them in his lap as his thumbs massage into your palms and work out the tension in your fingers. "You didn't say much."
You laugh lightly, as though it's completely normal. As though it should be completely normal. "I didn't want to bother her with my own problems - she has enough of her own to deal with."
"What problems would those be?" he questions. You tense up, like you want to pull away. You don't, but you stare at the ministrations of his hands with a shake of your head.
"It's nothing."
"But if they're problems," he tilts his head, trying to catch your gaze, "shouldn't I know about them?"
You glance at him with a grin that doesn't quite meet your eyes, and a slight downturn in your brow. "You're not on duty right now, Dr. Zayne."
He lifts one of your hands to kiss your palm. Your fingers brush his cheek. He leans into them without thought. "I didn't think I had to be to listen to my partner's issues," he shoots back, shooting down your deflection. His voice grows softer. "It's unhealthy to keep negative emotions bottled up. I am always here to listen should you need to let them out."
Something stirs in your eyes. Discomfort, at being called out and exposed. Worry, and fear. You look away again. "I don't want to bother you with that stuff."
"Who said you would be bothering me? I want to hear about the issues you have, however minor they may be." He releases one of your hands to cup your cheek. He directs your face back to him, leans forward to rest his forehead against yours, stealing your ability to look away. Your eyes remain lowered, staring at his nose. "You always carry the burdens of others. Allow me to carry your burdens, before you collapse under the weight."
You're silent. He shifts his fingers slightly, resting his middle and ring finger over your pulse point just under your jaw. Your heart is beating wildly. It stutters, jumps, skips. You inhale softly.
"You..." You shake your head slightly, nose brushing his. Your free hand fiddles with your pant leg. "You don't tell me about the issues you have, either."
He smiles slightly, wryly, as though you've just started trying to deal with a shrewd businessman who can't resist haggling.
"I had a nightmare last night," he admits softly. That draws your eyes up to his, finally. "When I woke up, it felt like I was still in the dream."
"What was it about?"
He gives you a pointed look. You frown. Your hand clenches around your pant leg, like admitting anything about yourself is agonizingly painful.
"I... I haven't been eating lunch during my breaks."
It's barely admitting anything, but he hums his approval nonetheless. "I was in the hospital, but the corridors were dark. I heard your voice echoing down the halls..." Your heart skips a beat in time with your concerned look. "Why aren't you eating lunch?"
You squeeze your eyes shut, hiding from the inevitable disapproval on his face. "I haven't been sleeping well, so I've been sleeping in my car during my breaks... I... passed out once, at my desk, because I was so tired... I don't want to concern my coworkers like that again." You wait a few seconds before cracking your eyes open. Sure enough, it's his turn to frown with worry. He knew you were tired lately, but he hadn't heard anything about you passing out at work. He can only be grateful you weren't out on the field at that time. "What happens next?"
"... I can't find you." His frown deepens, eyes flickering down your face, taking you in. "No matter where I look, you're not there. And when I wake up, it takes a moment for my mind to catch up and realize you're right there beside me."
Neither of you speak. Your pulse is calm now. The dark bags under your eyes concerns him more than ever now. The daze in his eyes when you woke up this morning to find him looking over your face flickers back into memory.
Eventually, he breaks the silence. "We'll take our lunch breaks together," he tells you, leaving no room for argument. "The next time you feel faint at work, or too tired to keep going, please tell me."
You nod slowly, silently sealing a promise with him. "The next time you have a nightmare like that, you have to tell me, too."
He nods in return. "I will."
You blink, pausing, waiting for something that doesn't ever come. Waiting for him to decide your burdens are too heavy to bear, or become disillusioned with you now that you're no longer this infallible beacon of strength and dependency. But it never comes. Instead, Zayne strokes your cheek with all the tender patience in the world, rubs his nose purposefully against yours in semblance of a kiss, sits quietly with you with no expectations.
Large drops of water begin to form in your waterline. You swallow, fighting the starting tremors in your lungs. He wastes no time in wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into him, helping you sit in his lap where you hug him around his neck and hide your face in his shoulder.
He kisses the side of your head as your body cries with a practiced silence, rubbing his hand in soothing motions against your back. "You're not a burden for having problems, or for sharing them with others," he whispers. "You don't have to carry everything alone anymore."
---
Tag List:
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#fanfic#fanfiction#zayne#zayne x reader#love and deepspace zayne#lads zayne#lnds zayne#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#lads#lads x reader#lnds#lnds x reader#gn reader#x gn reader#gender neutral reader#x gender neutral reader#hurt/comfort
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I've been thinking about what sort of conflicts Zuko and Katara would realistically have if they ever ended up together. I mostly either see fan interpretations where they bicker a lot, or where they have total understanding between each other, but I don't think that either would be the case.
So, first of all, the typical enemies-to-lovers who bicker all the time to hide the sexual tension trope is just not about Zutara: in the latter part of book 3, we see their wholesome and understanding relationship, and we can safely assume that this is what the basis of their bond will be going on forward.
However.
Conflicts happen, and especially if we are talking about a Katara that emerges from a long-term relationship with Aang, I think we will have two pitfalls she'd be frequently running into:
Trying to mother Zuko out of habit. Bonus points if she did not do it prior to them entering a relationship and then suddenly started doing so. Katara has been parentified, and she is used to playing the motherly persona for her partner - something that might cause Zuko to feel infantilized, leading to anger. Or: he might feel that he can't get through to Katara, and that she is acting not as herself, causing some sort of frustration he'd have no word for.
suddenly not voicing her opinion when she disagrees with him, out of fear that he'd bolt. Only applies if Katara emerged from a really long relationship with Aang where this continued to be an issue throughout the years, and it's admittedly less likely than the first one. Still, I can see a Katara hiding her thoughts out of habit, getting subconsciously angry about it, Zuko getting angry too because he feels that some sort of tension is in the air, and that Katara is more on edge than usual, and not understanding what the issue is.
On the other hand, we'd have Zuko misinterpreting innocuous phrases, especially if he emerged from a long-term relationship with Mai (who, let's admit it, tends to leave a lot of barbed comments).
So, we might have a Zuko who hides behind a wall due to suddenly feeling inadequate or despised, and Katara, understandably, not getting what the deal was. Bonus points if it triggers a trauma reaction in Katara due to memories of Aang bolting and leaving her.
We might also have a Zuko who got used to others not giving a lick of care regarding what he does and where he goes, and thus failing to communicate his plans properly, causing (again, understandably) anger in Katara. Again, bonus points if it reminds her of Aang's tendency to disappear.
Let me be clear: none of these would be relationship-breaking, and with how much trust and intimacy there is between them, I fully believe that they'd be able to sort it out. But especially at the beginning of a relationship, I believe that these issues would keep tailing them. In time, it would probably evolve into comments like "you're doing this thing again" and "ah... yes... sorry, my bad."
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*sets the sofa, sits down* AND WE RIGHT AWAY START FROM THE PROWL IS AND WILL BE A MURDERED STATEMENT. GOOD AHAHAH Love how much Prowl improved in reading emotions. Orion. You ask Prowl something that he probably memorized from the book and he of course will tell you a book definition. Don't cut it with your merely "It's a massacre" Still wonder at the fact of how much functionists had to f*** up the whole situation for the beasts, who are more than capable of intelligent thinking and just different by their mode or different things that can not even appear in them in the first place, for this whole situation to appear that even the "compromise" seems like a hardly reachable option. I understand if other monsters who are, more bests than mechas. But most of them seem to be, decent, normal, minding their business, just trying to find a fuel/food, yeah, this last is easily solvable.
Yeah, Orion, exactly, let me sit with you
Oh, here we are, Orion snaps at Prowl. Do it, he went in a different direction, the one leading to murder and blood, you know. The problems that are solved hard way are never logical ahah, good luck, Prowl *looks at Orion trying to see a glimpse of emotion from Prowl for at least his own death to crack his logic* I need a minute Orion for god's sake could you like, fake laws and give him your own written full of ponies and funsies?? You were giving him official books with laws, I'm sure a lot of written by Functionalists and you expect to break the logic that was based on it??? OH RATCHET. PROWL CAN DO NOTHING. OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAY OKAYOKA YAOKAYAOKAY. OKAY. NO ONE SAID RATCHET??? RATCHET, COULD, JUST, ARRRGHHHHHH BASTARDS ORION AND SHOCKWAVE MAXED THE "LOOK AWAY IN TIME" ABILITY BUT NO ONE TOLD RATCHET? OH YES. GETTING RID OF YOUR OWN SIGHT AND LEAVE. I BET THIS IS NOT A LOGICAL THING TO CONSIDER FOR PROWL EHEHHEHEE OH MY GOD sorry I need to sit because. Yes clean floor is an easy goal. But Prowl. You are. About to get such a big and complicated to reach goal that it is so mindblowing to now look at you and consider other golems. (Eh, sudden thought of someone getting off his artefact) Prowl. on which side you play I don't understand anymore. Are you trying to make a god out of Orion to scare functionalists by actually making good for them or what.
PROWL YOU COULD. YOU COULD COME UP WITH SUCH GREAT PLANS OF MASS MIGRATION OR AT LEAST BETTER HIDINGS FOR THEM. TRICKING ALL THE TROOPS. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO FIGHT EVIL, NOT JOIN IT. oh, CONGRATS, your education went to the point where it became wrong! Congrats, Prowl, we are on a changing point ahah! YES IT IS HIS ARMY. HIS ARMY OF POWERFUL, MAGICAL, SAVED AND THANKFUL BEASTS WHO CAN FIGHT FOR SHOCKWAVE, AND I ACTUALLY WISH THAT THEY DID. I WISH THEY DID BEFORE IT WAS TOO LATE. PROWL CAUGHT HIS BEFORE HE EVEN STUMBLED. PROWL MAKES WRONG THINGS BUT. BUT THE FACT THAT HE ACTUALLY COVERS HIM THIS WAY NO MATTER HOW BAD IT IS. I'M SURE ORION IS NOT HAPPY. SHOCKWAVE HAS NO ONE TO COVER HIM WHERE IT COULD KILL HIM. BUT EVERYTHING AROUND HIM IS BUILT WITH GREEN WALLS THAT ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN DENSE WALLS OF BLOOD.
I have several levels of uncomfortable feelings from this part
YOU DID NOT JUST GO TO SHOCKWAVE'S ACADEMY. THEY ARE NOT THE BEASTS YOU CAN TOUCH. EVER. OH MY FRICKING GOD OKAY HERE I CRY FOR REAL. THE SCENE OF HIM. SWORD AND BOOK. PROTECTING WITH EVERYTHING HE HAS. STANDING LIKE A MOUNTAIN AND THE PRIMUS ITSELF
THE COUNCIL WOULDN'T LET HIM DO THIS.... ..... what...... The burns are from?..
............ I just understand that. That I'm sure the way Shockwave "changed" is so many times harder and more powerful because of who he is and what he is capable of... Get Prowl, Orion nd Ratchet at one table and ask them if what they do will find a punishment from Primus.
............
....................... When Orion is in troubled feelings Prowl searches for Shockwave. All goals are tangled, lost and complicated. His goal became something he cannot reach no more since it evolved too hard. Oh my god I wanna see how... how that goal, something he cannot reach no more, just becomes a part of him, like a self forged motor heart of his, just to keep living. Are they... Shockwave's students?... F** THEY ARE I AM CRYING AGAIN SHIT F** YOU KEF I CANNOT NO MORE DON'T JSHDEDC AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA OKAY BREATH, COMEONE. LAST WILL. *INTENSIFIES CRYING* F*** YOUUUUUUUUUU THEY. EVERYTHING. HE LEFT EVERYTHING TO ORION. SKIDS???? THUNDERCRACKER?? OH DID ORION NEVER HOLD SHOCKWAVE'S SWORD??? or just became too weak from all the events... OH MY GOD THE SCENE OF KNEELING, THE SCENE OF THE STUDENT OF THEIR PASSED MASTER ON THE VERGE OF CRYING AND ALL THE STUDENTS OF HIS DEAR FRIEND KNEELING BEFORE HIM. I AM DEAD NO ONE TALK TO ME. PROWL LOOK. LOOK WHAT AN ILLOGICAL LONG TERM EFFORT MAKES. IT MAKES LITERALLY INEFFICIENT MIRACLE. THE MIRACLE THAT IS WORTH ALL THE PERCENTAGES. YOU DO NOT KILL AND WORK FOR IT TO BE MORE THAN ONE DAY MERCY I mean Ratchet got a boyfriend this way come on
WEHGEHGEWFHWFEWE HELP. I imagined that Shockwave had a score system or something for Skids to actually say "Best student" as something not of a brag level SHOCKWAVE YOU SMART SWEET ROLL I LOVE YOU. HE KNEW HOW TO DO IT RIGHT. SUCK IT COUNCIL AND COUNCIL DARE YOU TO TRY TO USE IT IN YOUR ADVANTAGE.
PROWL I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS
(side note can I kiss you for just... rotating every possible side of Prowl? Like, I am just, suddenly understood that just a thing of Prowl assuming that Shockwave could betray Orion is something so fittable for him since he considers everything but just... when you look at it from the side of coming up with it. I wouldn't??)
SHOCKWAVE WHAT DID YOU DO.
They are still not executed. So I am sure it isn't about the saving monsters thing. I think Prowl leads the idea in the right direction. I am confused though at why Shockwave turned into demon at this exact time. What was the trigger. I am leaning closer to the dark magic than betrayal anyway
THE GOD MUST BE WRONG
RIGHT DIRECTION, PROWL.
ARE YOU... did you just... led him straight to mimics plotline....
Part 2 of Golem!Prowl AU!
_____________________
“I hate it,” Orion sighs.
“It's understandable. But you can't change the system from the inside without becoming part of it first.”
“I was hoping I could become part of it without becoming a murderer.”
“It's okay” says Prowl ”You don't have to. That's what you have me for.”
Orion twitches.
Part 1. Next->
The fic under the cut⤵️
Orion looks...sick. Worried. Scared.
“Prowl, do you know what the Great Hunt is?”
Prowl tilts his head keeping up with the lists he received from the Council.
“Traditional raids on monsters made to consolidate control over the land holdings of regular Mechs.”
Orion rubs the bridge of his nose
“It's a massacre.”
Prowl twitches his wing.
“It is a measure of intimidation against creatures that cannot be negotiated with. Brutal, I don't deny that, but experience shows it works. The destructive activity of monsters lessens considerably if they know their actions can be followed by punishment.”
Orion stares at him. For a long time. Silently.
Tensely studying him, as if seeing him for the first time.
“You think killing them instead of finding a compromise is...right?”
Prowl thinks he must be treading on unstable ground.
“I think it works. That is all. Monsters do a lot of damage with their existence. They kill, destroy and pillage. If periodically reducing their numbers reduces their damage, it confirms the effectiveness of the strategy.”
“They just want to live. Primus' sake, they want to eat.”
Prowl sighs. More for appearances than for any real effect.
“I suppose I can't judge them for wanting to survive. It makes sense.”
Orion nods.
He looks oddly pensive.
“Ratchet keeps picking up wounded...” he stammers, apparently trying to find a suitable alternative to the word monster “...wounded beastformers. I've been to his house. It's generous, but I'm afraid of what will happen if he gets caught doing it.”
Prowl frowns
“He should have stopped.”
“You wouldn't understand.” sighs Orion ”Him. Shockwave. We want to help. To make things better. I don't need you to chide me for disobeying the rules, I need you to figure out how to change them. Ghosts and insecticons deserve freedom as much as we do.”
“But...”
Orion looks at him angrily.
“No. Whatever you're going to say in response to that. No. I know you're driven primarily by logic, but I need you to remember it well. All sentient beings deserve to live free. Do you understand? All of them. Period.”
Prowl rolls up the lists and interlocks his fingers in front of him. There are small scuffs on his thumbs and index fingers from constant writing. He occupies himself with running his fingers over them, feeling the difference in texture.
“Mech's freedom in such a case ends where someone else's hungry jaws begin. You can't expect monsters and Mechs to just coexist in peace if you give them freedom.”
“No” sighed Orion ”That's why I support Shockwave's idea with creating an academy for magically gifted Mechs. He's helping to show the world that so-called 'dark creatures' can be as civilized citizens as any Mech. He teaches them to find that compromise. We can't just expect centuries of hate and fear to be forgotten once the laws change. We must direct this process. To help the Mechs understand and accept each other. Guide them, you might say.”
Prowl feels a headache coming on, as it always does when Orion requires him to logically solve a problem the answer to which lies in the feelings rather than the intellect. He's not built for this. It irritates him.
Orion stops right in front of him and puts a hand on his shoulder.
“Tell me what you think of this. If...let's pretend for a second that my morality fiddles don't matter anymore. That the problem of Mechs and monsters coexisting is something you alone need to solve. And solve it in such a way that the outcome is optimal for us as a society. To maximize the number of happy citizens. What would you do?”
Prowl is silent for a moment.
Orion squeezes his shoulder lightly before continuing.
“'Free from my judgmental conclusions, Prowl. From the standpoint of pure logic. What should we do?”
What to do...Prowl's thought process finally finds a direct and understandable train of thought. Monsters make up a paltry few percent of the population of all living Mechs. The numbers fluctuate depending on which region is being considered of course.
In some cities, some types of monsters are considered just fancy Mechs. Some monsters have risen from the status of savages to being respectable Mechs over the course of history. Even Orion's best friend, Shockwave, could be regarded as a mystical creature in some regions due to his gift of flight.
Nevertheless. The percentage is still minuscule.
But even that tiny percentage takes a significant toll on the economy and quality of life, because just one uncontrollable creature can terrorize an entire city.
He notes the weight of Orion's hand on his shoulder. Not judgmental. Orion promised he wouldn't judge.
“I'd get rid of the monsters.”
“Oh” Orion blinks ”Locked them in cages? Chased them away? Killed them?”
Prowl twitches his wings
“Banishment will only move the problem in terms of space, and imprisonment isn't secure enough. It would make sense to get rid of the monsters. Once and for all. It wouldn't be pretty or merciful, but it would greatly improve life for everyone, at the cost of a tiny percentage of living beings who were already of no use.”
“And you believe that would be a good outcome?”
“I believe it would.”
“But you're not a Mech yourself.” Orion reminds “Would you be willing to be exterminated along with the rest of the creatures if your plan were put into action?”
Prowl tilts his head slightly. Just to make it easier to look at Orion.
“You created me to, as you put it, help you make the world a better place. Sometimes in order to improve something you have to cut out the factors that get in the way. It's simple logic.”
“You didn't answer my question” Orion points out ”How would you feel if I decided to take your advice and destroy all mystical creatures, including you?”
“I am not made to feel” straightens Prowl ”My job is to find solutions to problems. I gave you a solution.”
“You don't include yourself in the reckoning.” snorts Orion “Again. You talk as if you will never be affected by anything.”
As it should be, Prowl thinks. He's a conscientious worker and a ..seemingly law-abiding citizen. He does what he can to make Mech's lives better. Even though he may not be a Mech, he's doing the right thing. Why would something happen to him?
Orion removes his hand from his shoulder and shakes his head.
“'Alright. I've heard you. But I want to make it as clear as possible - what you suggested is immoral, cruel, and should never be implemented. Do you understand me? Never. If you want to build a better world, you cannot and will not build it on other people's deaths. Have I made myself clear enough?”
“Perfectly clear.”
“Good.”
-----------------
Ratchet looks...many words could be used to describe him.
He's standing in the center of the trial room with a lot of emotions written all over his face. But if Prowl had to describe - he'd say Ratchet practically radiates rage. Not violent. More of a powerless one.
The rage of a Mech who knows he's cornered, but refuses to even consider giving up and admitting defeat.
Prowl sits in a far dark corner, silently documenting the whole process.
The council is furious. They apparently discovered that Ratchet has been dragging wounded monsters to his house and healing them all this time.
Which is ... very much as expected from Ratchet.
Prowl wants Orion here, but both Orion and Shockwave are now on a diplomatic mission a few days away, so the only support Ratchet has is...Prowl. Who can't help in any way, so he just sits there and meticulously documents the whole process so that Orion can then be informed of every single detail.
The council doesn't look happy. They say that Ratchet is sabotaging the hunters' efforts to contain the monsters by his actions.They are angered by Ratchet's absolute determination to insist that he was doing the right thing.
Prowl would be impressed, if only Ratchet's stubbornness made sense.
It's simple math. Ratchet saves lives. Monsters take them.
Thus Ratchet's life has much, much more weight and is more valuable.
If Ratchet would just accept the Council's decision now and promise to stop curing monsters, the whole problem would be solved as efficiently as possible.
But Ratchet, of course, persists. Probably just because that's his nature.
Ratchet can also afford to be so stubborn because his skill level makes him incredibly valuable to the Council. Prowl knows for a fact that if any other medic were in Ratchet's shoes right now - they would have been sentenced to banishment or execution by now.
When Ratchet realizes exactly how the Council caught him, his rage is instantly replaced by shock.
This revelation is enough to startle him and make him back down. To nod and numbly swear that he will end his "blasphemous hobby."
Prowl carefully folds the scribbled scrolls into the case as the Council doors close behind both his and Ratchet's backs.
“Orion will be happy to know that you were prudent enough to avoid death.”
Ratchet shifts his gaze to him
“You knew? Knew they could see through our optics? Did you know they could find out anything about any Mech at any time?”
Prowl tucks his hands behind his back and nods politely
“Knowing things is my job.”
Ratchet sighs. Heavy. Exhausted. Doomed maybe.
“How does Orion deal with it...”
“Orion has a reputation with the Council. They consider him a decent, law-abiding Mech, so they see no point in keeping tabs on him.”
“Are you kidding?” Raetchet raises his eyebrows “Orion can't do everything he does and remain ‘decent’ in their eyes. He and Shockwave practically cuddle with every possible creature every day and all they get is a little reprimand????”
Prowl tilts his head
“Orion learned to look away in time. And he has me for everything else.”
Ratchet doesn't answer him. He rubs the bridge of his nose tiredly and starts to walk away.
His shoulders look oddly tense. He looks defeated, but not in the way a Mech would describe a slain turbofox. No. There is a deep-seated, angry determination.
A willingness to act dictated by desperation.
The news of the surveillance has thrown Ratchet off balance but not knocked him off his feet as the Council had hoped.
Prowl looks at his back and walks off in the opposite direction. The problems of living, feeling Mechs have always been and will always be mysterious to him.
Ratchet does what no one expects him to do.
He doesn't stage protests. He doesn't accept the verdict.
He leaves silently, taking with him only medical supplies and an old lantern.
The council is furious, turning over every stone in an attempt to find him, but all in vain.
Prowl's daily duties now include “keeping track of any possible news related to Ratchet.“
And then, no matter what he finds, report to Orion that he's found nothing.
Put on a little regular show for all concerned. Show the Mechs in the Council that Orion remains loyal and does his best to find and bring to justice any blasphemer whether it's a friend of his or not.
He is his purpose. But the more time passes, the harder it becomes for him to trace the path to the fulfillment of that purpose. He envies the golems whose only function is to scrub floors. Their lives are understandable. A clean floor is a temporary but easily attainable goal. They are happy to fulfill the goal for which they were created. And then they're happy knowing their job is done well, until the floor gets dirty again.
Prowl is walking towards his goal, but it's not getting any closer. He knows what he needs to do to get there, but the variables are constantly changing and he has to adjust his course of action each time according to new information, conditions, and Orion's opinion on them.
Politics is infinitely more complicated than mopping floors after all.
————————————
Orion doesn't turn around on him as they walk down the hall. But Prowl can physically feel the attention focused on him.
“Prowl. Did you know I was awarded today for my ''outstanding service'' by the entire Council?”
“I did not.
“They've gone through all the reports and discovered that according to the logs me and my mechs are performing excellently when it comes to eliminating mystical threats.”
“Congratulations.”
“It's funny that you feel the need to congratulate me too” Orion continues ”Because I certainly didn't give orders to eliminate anyone.”
Their pacing doesn't falter. They continue to walk calmly down the hallway as if nothing is happening. But Prowl can practically taste the increased tension.
“Prowl” says Orion “Why is the Council rewarding me for murder? And where are the Mechs they think I killed now?”
Prowl checks the scrolls. Not because he doesn't remember. Just to buy some time to formulate an answer.
“They were the inevitable casualties. I took charge of their destruction. On your behalf.”
“You know how I feel about killing.”
“I know.” nods Prowl for some reason. Why? Not that Orion can see it “I also know how the Council feels about Mechs showing suspicious activity. They would have started watching you as soon as they noticed you were letting monsters slip away from you suspiciously often.”
Orion...sounds... conflicted. He sounds struggling.
“You killed them.”
“I gave the order. As any other hunter would have done in my place.”
Orion stops so abruptly that Prowl doesn't catch the moment and bumps into his back.
“We're supposed to be better than other hunters Prowl! How can you still not grasp that concept!!!”
Orion looks furious. Prowl discreetly looks around.
Around them is a relatively empty hall. Windows covered by heavy curtains. The cleaning golems scurrying back and forth.
“I understand” he says “But let me remind you that you cannot test their trust infinitely. Your 'being better' rests on your reputation. And it's my job to make sure your reputation lives up to it.”
Orion looks at him...Prowl isn't even sure how to describe it. Usually he has to argue with Orion's logic, proving his point but this time...Orion is the one arguing with him.
It feels strange. Uncomfortable.
He's doing everything Orion wanted him to do, but for the sake of it he has to do something Orion can't stand.
Orion clenches and unclenches his fists helplessly. Rubbing the fabric of his cloak.
“Shockwave can save lives without killing anyone.”
“Shockwave is one unfortunate act away from serious consequences” shakes his head Prowl “His academy is looking more and more like his own small army every day. His students are not loyal to the Council, they are loyal to Shockwave. And the Council knows that. And will use it. And it won't be pretty when it happens.”
“No...” shakes his head Orion, not addressing anyone in particular ”No no no no no...”
Prowl can understand why Orion is upset. But he also knows he's right this time. Shockwave may look like a fine example of mercy, but he walks on the very edge of the law and any wrong move will instantly turn him from “out of the box thinker” to renegade.
The Council will come for his head and the Council will get his head because Shockwave will have nothing to prove his loyalty with.
Orion will. Prowl made sure of that.
Orion can bend the rules, can borrow the Council's trust, can do all sorts of reprehensible things. He can stumble and fall and then fall a couple more times and find that it doesn't hurt him because Prowl caught him even before he stumbled.
He did it at the cost of lives. Yes.
But Orion's life is far more valuable than the lives of monsters.
Society doesn't need monsters to become better, but society needs Orion. Monsters need Orion. Because if Orion is gone, no one else will care about his idealistic goal.
“Sometimes I forget how creepy you can be...” mutters Orion ”You're going to betray me sooner or later.”
“I could never betray you.” Prowl twitches his wing.
“You've successfully betrayed what I believe in.”
“It's fine with me if you hate me for it. As long as you are alive, safe, and can continue your quest.”
Orion falls silent.
He turns away to stare at a strip of light from a nearby window. There are beautiful, wrought iron grates that cast an intricate, curved shadow on the floor and walls.
A golem janitor hurries past them.
“I hate it,” Orion sighs.
“It's understandable. But you can't change the system from the inside without becoming part of it first.”
“I was hoping I could become part of it without becoming a murderer.”
“It's okay” says Prowl ”You don't have to. That's what you have me for.”
Orion twitches.
Shockwave falls.
Prowl isn't there to see for himself, but a lot of rumors reach him. Lots. Lots of rumors.
The Mechs say the time of the Great Hunt has come.
They say that when the hunters arrived on the Academy's doorstep, Shockwave didn't let them in.
They say. He stood in front of the gates.
With sword in one hand and the Primus Covenant in the other, and declared that his school was a sanctuary for all living beings in need of protection.
Claimed that anyone who dared set foot inside with a weapon would have to go through him.
“And they retreated!” gestures Orion frantically ”They didn't dare test him! They backed away from the walls of the Academy. I don't know how many monsters were left alive in the forests that night, but none of Shockwave's students were harmed...”
Prowl listens with a healthy dose of wariness
“The Council wouldn't just let him do that.”
Orion begins nervously winding circles around the room.
“You're right, you're right. You're right now and you were right back then. They're going to bring him before the Court by tomorrow, and...”
“There's no chance of that ending well,...is there?" Prowl finishes his thought.
Orion looks pained
“They'll be going through everything he's been up to. Every forged document, every enrolled Mech who by all criteria should be considered a monster. Every time he sheltered them from the Council instead of destroying them. They'll realize what he's been doing and they won't like it at all.”
Prowl...trying to sound reassuring.
“Shockwave has tremendous support from his Academy. There's a chance the Council will be afraid of invoking their wrath and won't judge Shockwave too harshly.”
Orion continues to walk in circles
“You think so?”
“There is a good chance.”
Prowl finds Orion in Sickbay. Which is very disturbing and wrong, because Orion was supposed to be at the Trial. Supporting Shockwave and begging the Council to relent.
But Orion is in Sick Bay. When he shouldn't be.
And he's covered in ugly dark burns. From something Prowl can't recognize.
This is all wrong. It's all--
“What happened at the trial?”
Orion sounds. Startled.
“There was no Trial.”
“What?”
Orion sounds as if something inside him has cracked. In every sense of the phrase.
“The Trial hasn't even had time to begin. He...” Orion clutches his trembling fingers, hoping to still them, but it has no tangible effect. His shoulders are trembling.
He looks like his whole body could be torn apart with one careless touch. “They asked him if he would plead guilty to aiding and abetting dark creatures. All they had time to ask was if he realized he was wrong.”
An uncomfortable, prickly feeling settles in Prowl's mind.
"And?”
Orion squeezes his fingers so hard the creaking of hinges becomes audible.
“It...I...Prowl, his very spark began to ooze dark magic. It was horrible, it was like.. it was eating him from the inside. The entire courtroom became darker than night, many Mechs got burned. I've never seen anything like this before! He..It.. started attacking Mechs and destroying everything...it was like it went crazy...it attacked me and I had to...Prowl I had to fight it! I didn't...I'd heard about it happening but I believed until the last minute that I wouldn't have to face it...”
Gears of chaotic detail fall into place in Prowl's mind.
“Shockwave...turned into a demon...?”
Orion nods shakily
“The Council didn't even have a chance to sentence him or spare him or even sort out what happened.....
He stated that he did not consider himself guilty for what he had done and...Primus was the one who made the judgment before anyone else could...”
That's... terrifying really. For a number of reasons. Losing a close friend is awful, being subjected to such merciless punishment is awful, but also...
What sends a chill down Prowl's back is the moral implication that such punishment carries.
Orion, as if reading his thoughts, raises his gaze to him
“Is what we are doing...wrong? I don't...does Primus think helping monsters is worthy of punishment?”
Now that's a really reasonable question.
Shockwave would say that Primus is merciful and would never condemn a Mech for an act of kindness. But Shockwave ended up being condemned.
Ratchet would say that he doesn't care about Primus' opinion because Primus isn't real. But Ratchet isn't here.
Prowl wants to say that it doesn't matter whether or not Primus thinks they're wrong, what matters is that he can at any moment force his justice on any living spark, so his concept of right has to become Orion's too, or else he's doomed. But Orion is definitely in no state to have a philosophical argument. He looks shattered and Prowl almost instinctively is about to go and find Shockwave, but remembers that option is no longer available.
He's not made for this. Shockwave has always been the one to cheer Orion up on a bad day. Not Prowl, no. Prowl isn't sure what to do so he just sits down next to him and gently places a hand on Orion's shoulder. The one where he can't see the burns, so it shouldn't hurt.
“I don't. I'm used to always relying on your point of view as a reference for what's right and what's wrong.”
“I know” runs a shaky hand over his face Orion “But it's not like I'm perfect. I try, god, I try but just like with the logical part - my vision isn't flawless. Have I been...wrong all this time? Trying to disrupt Primus' intended vision? Maybe what I've been trying to fix never needed fixing. Maybe it's just me being so stupid and not understanding things maybe...???”
Orion cuts himself off mid sentence, realizing that he's started raising his voice and waving his arms around again. He sits back down on the medical bed and curls back up into a miserable ball.
“What should I do....”
“I don't know,” Prowl repeats awkwardly.
He is his goal. But his goal ..doesn't exist anymore?
He doesn't know where to put himself.
Golems are made to fulfill requests. But Orion's request system has been evolving and complicating for so long that Prowl can't tell where its boundaries are anymore.
He feels lost.
——————————
Orion stops cold.
“What...”
Prowl, standing at his right hand looks equally puzzled.
They are in a spacious courtyard bordering directly on the Council building. It's a very beautiful, open and spacious place because it was originally built with large crowds of Mechs in mind. There's wide walkways, a massive circular plaza with fountains and statues.
And right now, it's filled to the brim with Mechs, most of whom Prowl is seeing for the first time. They're all wearing knight armor and carrying weapons, however still kept in their scabbards.
They look like a small army. A very, very diverse army, Prowl realizes. Because there are almost no regular Mechs among them.
Orion looks... distraught.
Mechs? Monsters? A few knights separate and come closer, bowing their heads respectfully.
“Orion Pax.”
There is so much grief and disbelief in Orion's eyes that it physically hurts to look at him.
When he begins to speak his voice sounds hoarse, like someone has poured sand down his throat.
“What...what are you doing here...?”
The knight standing in front of everyone ceremoniously places his palm on his spark.
“We are here to fulfill the last will of our mentor and your friend. Shockwave has decreed in his last will that in the event of his death his legacy must pass to you and those of us who wish to carry on his work must publicly pledge our allegiance to your will.”
Orion clutches his hands together to keep them from starting to shake again.
“But...I was there. I...your mentor was slain by my hands...how can you..."
"It doesn't matter. Everything that was his is now yours." smiles the knight sadly "We will make sure his legacy lives on. And even if the Academy falls - you can always count on us."
At the same time as he finishes speaking, the knight in blue armor drops to one knee, pulling Shockwave's sword from its sheath and holding it out respectfully to Orion... who looks like he's about to start crying.
He dazedly accepts the sword, twitching in surprise when it turns out to be heavier than expected and probably tries to say something, but all that comes out is a short sorrowful sigh.
He just.
Clutches the sword to his chest, watching in disbelief as all the arriving mechs get down on one knee following the blue knight. There aren't that many mechs, but at this point - they seem to rival the sea.
Prowl knows some of them. Many of them made their way to Shockwave after Orion found them. There's the harpy over there who nearly ripped Orion's head off the first time they met. A few ghosts he can remember the faces of but doesn't know the names. He'd had a long argument with Orion that day, trying to convince him that he shouldn't take their word for it when they promised to make it up to him.
And now they're all here. In beautiful new armor. Executing their mentor's last will and testament.
Just like regular Mechs, only a little eccentric looking.
The crowd of hunters that has come to find out what's going on looks as speechless and dumbfounded as Orion.
" What" Orion also gets down on one knee to be on the same level as the knight "what's your name?"
Prowl squints warily from behind Orion's shoulder. The blue mech looks normal, but to be honest, there's no way someone coming out of the Shockwave Academy is going to be an normal plain mech. There has to be a catch somewhere.
"My name is Skids," smiles the knight shyly. "I am...was...Shockwave's best student."
"You are very brave Skids" smiles Orion sorrowfully "I promise to do my best to take care of Shockwave's legacy. And you."
Orion drops his head on the table tiredly.
"This is crazy..."
Prowl pulls an important document from under Orion's head
"It's also quite devious. Shockwave told them specifically to swear to you where all comers can see it. So there's no way for the Council to accuse you of purposely swaying an army of monsters to your side. Everyone saw that this gift was given by force. Now you have many allies with unique skills who are loyal to you and the Council won't try to take them away because they are firmly convinced that you are loyal to the Council."
Prowl examines the document for damage before setting it aside.
"It is..."
"Shockwave gave you an opportunity."
"And I don't know what to do with it!" raises his head Orion "Shockwave was smarter than me and made a lot of plans in case of...I don't know...anything?? I didn't...Prowl. We've been down this path for so long and I was always sure there would be something good at the end of it. Or at least better than it is now..."
Orion rubs his chin and shakes his head awkwardly
"...But if there's only the wrath of Primus and endless darkness at the end...I can't ask anyone to follow me there. I'm not sure if I can keep going myself..."
He sighs helplessly
"I'm not even sure if that even matters."
"The chance that Shockwave would try to use you in some way was about twenty-eight percent."
Orion twitches
"What?"
"I understand that you're hurt by his...fate." Says Prowl "But have you considered the possibility that Shockwave was being punished for betraying you rather than the Council?"
Orion doesn't even answer at first. Just looks at him dazed and bitter.
"Prowl...no. He couldn't have."
"I'm just speculating" shrugs Prowl "Shockwave was punished but as far as I know God didn't bother to name the exact charge. We don't know one hundred percent what exactly caused his...sentence. He may have betrayed the Council's ideas, or he may have betrayed yours."
They both just exist in silence for a while. Processing the information.
"If...and I mean if!!! If Shockwave was convicted of harboring monsters, then everything we've been doing all this time can be considered useless blasphemy..." says Orion slowly "...but if he was punished for something else..."
"...then that would mean there's nothing wrong with your idea." finishes Prowl.
Orion frowns
"It would also mean that Shockwave lied to me..."
Prowl nods. The situation is ugly no matter which way you look at it.
Shockwave, as Prowl knows him, would hardly have framed Orion, but Mechs tend to go to great lengths to avoid execution.
If Shockwave had shifted some of the blame to Orion then, it would have partially saved him. Was that what he was going to do? Was this what Primus had stopped him from doing?
Orion's finials twitch slowly
"I don't know Prowl. I don't know what to do. I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of my fantasies."
Orion is hard to read, but right now he's an open book.
Prowl tilts his head
"You're scared."
Orion looks. Defeated. Crumpled.
Discolored.
" I am."
Prowl can't work with that. He's used to solving logical problems and making lists and strategies.
He doesn't know how to get someone to stop being scared.
"Is there anything I can do for you?"
"I don't know." mutters Orion "I don't know, I have no idea. It's too much...All these new knights, this whole council situation and now you're also saying that the mech I treasured the most could actually be a liar and...just leave me alone."
"But..."
"Just go away!" shakes his head Orion "Go find something else to do, find a hobby, I don't know! Get out of my head and out of my personal life!"
Prowl nods silently.
Places a couple papers in their places and silently walks out the door.
Gestures a greeting to some mech passing by.
And is completely unsure of what to do with himself.
Orion's too stunned by everything that's happened to give him a clear purpose. And without a purpose, he...he's gone.
He continues to stand by the closed door.
A thought runs obsessively through his mind.
If Shockwave was sentenced for something no one knew about, then punishing him the moment of that trial was a truly terrible decision and even worse timing.
But if Shockwave was sentenced for helping monsters...Prowl isn't sure why his mind resists the idea.
Maybe he's not being objective because he shares Orion's views and aspirations.
Maybe because he has looked at the entire square filled with dangerous monsters and has seen nothing but sorrow and respect in them.
The idea comes naturally.
Then God must be wrong.
He looks at the cleaning golems again. He envies them.
They are peace and contentment.
They are a clear and simple goal.
Probably the biggest stress that happens to them is random mechs passing by and interfering with their cleaning.
And then there's Prowl, standing by with no meaning or purpose and wishing he could throw something heavy because the one who gets in his way is an indefinable force of nature and a complex system of values and beliefs created by millions of years of cultural development....
But Primus can't stop him, can he?
Prowl is not alive. He has no emotion so that his intentions can be categorized as evil, but more importantly he has no spark so that its magic can turn him into a demon.
He is his purpose. His purpose is his god. And Primus stands in his way.
He turns around and walks away.
#I might be not as goo at it but I am jumping on my sit in every book comic or story#where the religious topic is risen in the way that can screw your head#and how f**ked up it is#I am having a mountain of good food right here beside Prowl's mind#oh my god#okay I'm dead#I love it#inspiration#Just....#so many things....#I am out of words....
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This Week in BL - I'm Late But Who Cares?
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
Jan 2025 Week 5
Ongoing Series - Thai
Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 11 of 12 - Oh no my babies are in trouble! I actually don’t mind the coming out being part of the conflict, it’s rare to see these days, but it was more common in early BL. This show feels like such a throwback Thai BL anyway, that it’s sort of goes with the story. Of course it was conflict that was resolved almost immediately. But honestly I’m so charmed by the show I don’t mind any of this.
ThamePo (Fri YT) ep 8 of 12 - still enjoying but annoyed by Jun. I’m glad everybody’s feelings have been made clear, Iun is too much a little shit for the way he went about it. The hand holding was very cute tho.
Truer words! When a character reveals the entire plot of a show.
The Boy Next World (Sun IQIYI) ep 4 of 10 - Phu’s friends are the best. I love them so much. Still cautiously enjoying this.
The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - Why are Kant’s pants always too short in this show? Meanwhile, the plot progresses as expected. But it’s OK. I’m enjoying it enough. I like that Kant, who is slightly evil, is willing to go even more evil for the man he loves. It was a twist I was not expecting. I believe it less with Style. Oh my, have we turned into a caper all of a sudden? Huh. This was a good episode. But then I do like a caper.
I’m also gonna mention briefly that I see you Heart Killers for using old tropes in a new way. The bleacher shot (Lovesick callback), the empty pool. Very very clever.
Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 17 end - Nice solid ending I remain more interested in the couples we never got but i hope we get a season 2.
Conclusion
A standard university Thai BL centering around two couples (med student meets engineering youth) in two parts (chasing the forever dragon that is 2 Moons). This was watchable but not much more than that with nice optics. Best if you can get hold of the extended (sexy) version especially for the second couple. 8/10
Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT) ep 14 of 24 - Wine is totally getting the "good one." Faifa (hands-down my favorite character in the series) is the master of the sarcastic ja particle. He’s very clever with it. Pay attention if particles in Thai interest you. I don’t understand why Yotha it’s so special that everybody’s willing to cater to his erratic whims.
(Am I the only one who thinks that Book and Santa should lead a BL together?)
Sangmin Dinneaw (Sun iQIYI) ep 5 of 10 - This is such an odd show. But it was a very nice kiss. And more. And I love the boy admiring his marks after. Nice touch.
Flirt Milk (Sat YT) ep 2 or 10 - everyone behaves like a complete idiot and it’s driving me nuts.
Ossan‘s Love Thailand (Mon YouTube) ep 4 of 12 - I dislike most of the characters in this show, but I truly loathe the daughter character.
Ongoing Series - Not Thai
When it Rains it Pours (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - I continue to enjoy this more every week, and I’m really looking forward to next week. (Shocker.)
Eternal Butler (Taiwan Fri Gaga) eps 8 of 12 - no ep this week, Happy New Year!
Impression of Youth (Taiwan Weds Viki) eps 4 of 9 - It’s modestly enjoyable but of all the relationships I think I like the brothers the best. I mostly have a smile on my face when I watch it, but so far it’s eminently forgettable. To the point where I occasionally forget to watch it when it airs. That said it looks like next week we’re getting very Taiwanese.
Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 17 of ?? - sigh
It's airing but......
I Will Turn Back Time (China Gaga) 6 eps - It’s Chinese, no idea if it will end well or not. But it’s the stepbrothers trope. Still, I’m not gonna watch it until it’s done.
In Case You Missed it
Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai) - It's done. Spies reported in the following: Not recommend. "Lots of awkward silence and muddled story. Abrupt ending. Doesn't lean into either the romance or the prison aspect." So yeah, I'm leaving it a DNF.
End of year wraps are here!
2024 Trend Report
MY BEST & WORST BLs of 2024
Best Kisses (and sex scenes) of 2024
BL's 2024 Quirky Awards
2024 Awards - Quick Picks
Next Week Looks Like This:
*** Yeah we already in it and my calendar is a complete mess, so no visual for you. ***
On now: FC Soldout (Korea iQIYI) 8eps - sports BL, football player meets actor.
2/14 Exclusive Love (Taiwan Gaga) - Shy aspiring singer inherits funeral business.
2/27 Secret Relationships (Korea iQIYI) - Stars Wei's Kim Jun Seo. Adapted by Cradle Studio (Kakao). About clever and resourceful Daon who has worked hard to overcome being poor. His cheap ways annoy his coworker, Sunghyeon but after “an incident” with his parents, Daon grows closer to him. But Daon also has feelings for his former tutor. This has the signs of a classic Kdrama all over it: Office setting, love triangle, lead suffering for his self-actualization. I’m optimistic about a longer treatment.
2025 Line Up
BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1
BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2
20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About
GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT
Best line in BL history? Possibly
(last week)
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
#this week in BL#BL updates#Your Sky#ThamePo#Fourever You review#Perfect 10 Liners#The Heart Killers#Eternal Butler#Secret Love#Sangmin Dinneaw#Flirt Milk#The Boy Next World#Ossan‘s Love Thailand#When it Rains it Pours#Impression of Youth#upcoming BL#new bl#BL news#BL reviews#BL gossip#2025 BL#thai bl#taiwanese bl#japanese bl#vietnamese BL#teenager judge
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on your period ❜┊˚͙۪۪̥◌
┌──────────────────────────────────────┐
ׂ╰┈➤ fluff
➣ characters: gon, killua, kurapika, leorio, hisoka, illumi, chrollo
➣ warnings: f. reader
➣ a/n: brought to you by my excruciating cramps in the middle of walmart AND their broken bathroom :)
└──────────────────────┘
gon
- he’s the definition of “a little lost but he’s got the spirit”
- he’s never heard of periods before, so it caused him great concern as you explained you were bleeding for a week straight
- his intentions are so so pure, but i would personally not trust him to get any supplies
- you’ll ask for heavy pads and he’ll get you panty liners
- or ibuprofen and he’d grab sleeping medicine
- it’s just that as a boy (with no sisters or female friends) who has such a strong immune system, and lives in the middle of nowhere,
- this is probably the first time he’s even stepped foot into those aisles
- but luckily, he provides amazing support and company
- if you want to stay in all day and snuggle up to a movie? he’s on board
- those few days will be entirely about you
- he’d be super reassuring if you bled through clothes or sheets, offering to wash them for you
killua
- similar to gon, he really doesn’t know too much about it
- he’s heard of it before, but has never looked into it
- of course, he’d hate to sound stupid when offering help, so he skims through something like Wikihow for a bit to make sure he has his facts straight
- when buying products for you, he wouldn’t know which one to get
- so he’d buy them all, hiding them in the car while he confirms which you need
(i just know silva would be mad confused seeing a $50 purchase of pads and tampons on the card killua stole from him)
- he’s not a touchy person, even if you’re on your period, so expect to initiate everything
- he’d order from your favorite takeout spot, and get whatever else you asked him for
- so in the future, he’s a lot better prepared
- and the next time you mention your period started again, the stuffed animals and heating pad would already be dug out from the closet
kurapika
- he’s well informed on menstruation, mostly from his understanding of anatomy and books he’s read here and there
- of course, he likely won’t be around all the time
- that is unless you have a particularly bad cycle
- if you’re the type who has super heavy bleeding, sheet gripping cramps, bad mood swings; he’s definitely there for you
- he’d bust out his limited cooking skills, serving up the best dish he can for you (if it’s that bad, he’ll order something)
- though he’s usually not super affectionate, he’d be very gentle during this time, his arms practically glued around you
- he’d stop by on his lunch break and text you the whole day
- now if your period is more tame, he’d still do these things, just to a less frequent degree
- and just saying—he’s not at all scared of a little blood if it’ll alleviate the cramps
leorio
- as a medical student, he has a deep understanding of it
- he’d ask to track your period and symptoms to make sure nothing is abnormal there
- if you were insecure about being bloated or breaking out, he’d instantly shoot it down
- your body is just doing its job, he would never want you to feel unattractive over that
- while he’s at school, he’d send you short texts reminding you to drink water and take it easy
- if you had any cravings, he’d probably tell you no, but then cave and buy it anyways
“don’t expect me to do this next time..”
*does it next time*
hisoka
- is a lot more knowledgeable than you’d expect
- like he might be an apathetic killer clown, but he’ll be damned if he doesn’t know the way around a woman’s body
- now unless you get truly horrible symptoms, he doesn’t care if you’re on your period or not
- to him, it happens every month, so you should be used to it enough to not need comfort and help
- unless he saw you—with all your usual strength and power—curled up in pain on your bed
- he has a very begrudging vibe about him
- obviously, empathy and care aren’t quite his style
- but seeing you suffering so much.. it does something to his brain
- he’d stay with you during those few days, running all the supply trips you need
- also, he finds your mood swings very amusing, which is half the reason he wants to be by your side during this time
illumi
- he really doesn’t know what to do, and the only person he can ask for advice is kikyo
- and i imagine she was the kind of person to tell other women to suck it up because it’s ‘not that bad’
- but as he sees you gritting your teeth, moping around—that doesn’t sound right to him
- he’d merely sit there with you, maybe placing a tentative hand on your back
- later that day, all the female butlers are called in for a private meeting
- after weighing in their opinions, and instructing them to take care of you, he’d buy all the items they pointed him towards
- because as emotionless as he is, he understands that someone he loves is experiencing discomfort, and he doesn’t want that
- but your mood swings would definitely throw him off
- he thought he was doing a good job, yet you were still irritated at him
- and the next day, you’d be tearing up over some cliche movie ending
- after you explain it to him, he’s now intrigued by what other symptoms might occur during your cycle
- he’d fall down a rabbit hole, looking for stories of how other people handle it
- and next month he’s even better at taking care of you
chrollo
- he would already have been tracking it for you, reminding you a few days before in case you didn’t know
- he has a good understanding of periods, and makes sure to ask you specifically what you need from him
- your comfort is always a priority after all
- would still go on his usual missions, but has machi, paku, or shizuku check on you while he’s away
- when he is home, he’s remarkably gentle with you
- the house would already be stocked with supplies, so there’s no need for him to make any extra trips to the store
- additionally, he’s very encouraging and respectful about them
- it’s a natural body process, one that’ll allow you to have children in the future, making it almost sacred to him
#hxh x reader#hxh hcs#hxh headcanons#hxh imagines#hxh fanfic#killua x reader#leorio x reader#kurapika x reader#gon x reader#chrollo x reader#hisoka x reader#illumi x reader
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Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 136 (Twists and Turns)
The next morning, Heather woke to a fresh blanket of spring snow (must be Canada 😂). She was hit with another bout of nausea, and stunned by news that one of her vet techs, Rico Garrison, had been unceremoniously culled killed in a shock drowning accident in Dachshund's Creek. This left her down a tech and about to commit to a months-long rebuild of Buttercup Pet Clinic.
Despite the unseasonably snowy holiday and feeling less than stellar, Heather had to go to work to cover Rico's appointments. She felt horrible for her best tech, Kaori Hayashi, who had been dating Rico since late winter. They were even expecting a child, which meant Heather would soon lose Kaori to maternity leave, too. At least Thaddeus, her most recent hire, could help pick up the slack, but this was undoubtedly a tragic setback.
Despite the unseasonal snowfall, J Huntington came in with his dog, Archimedes, thanking Heather for her advice over working with Landgraab Corp. "I signed the contract to give them the company. They'll take care of straightening out George's books, and for the first time, my guys will get healthcare, so everyone's on board with the change."
Heather forced a smile. She didn't care much for things that would please Nancy Landgraab, but she knew a strong presence at the docks was important after everything they'd been through over winter. "I'm happy for you," she said, and it wasn't a total lie.
She returned home in mid-afternoon, finding her younger sister back from Henford in the living room. "Hey Hazel! How was Easter dinner?"
"It was great." She fiddled with the hem of her jacket as she sat on the sofa. "I'm sorry I got upset with you while you were away. I was freaking out about all the marriage talk, but I shouldn't have put that on you."
"It's okay," said Heather. "I'm not upset, but I couldn't tell you what you should do. What if I had said no?" (That option won the poll, by the way!)
"I would've been more upset," she admitted. "I'm not ready to marry again right now, but I want to be with her for a long time."
"Did you talk to Suri?"
"I did. She said she's been feeling like she needs to hold on to the important people in her life since she lost her aunt so suddenly, and I totally understand what she's going through. But it's too soon to get married. We want to live together first - just the two of us."
"Here in Brindleton Bay?"
Hazel nodded. "I like working with Alex Goth, and the deal's almost done for Suri to buy the Salty Paw. She said when the owners found out her grandmother was Clara Bjergsen they did their own renovations and upped the price, but once a deal goes through, I'll move in with her in the small apartment over the bar."
"There's an apartment over the bar?"
"Not much of one, but we're going to try to turn it into something nice."
"I'm happy for you, Hazel. And I'm happy you handled this so maturely with Suri."
"You didn't think I could, did you."
"I hoped you would."
"Are you sure you guys won't miss me when I'm gone?"
"The Salty Paw's only about fifteen blocks away."
They laughed together and Hazel smiled. "Thanks for everything, sis. You're the best."
Heather still wasn't feeling great as she tried to get a few chores done around the house. She'd started to feel like she was fighting off an infection; it was time to see a doctor, so she left Conrad at home with Lavender to visit her gynecologist.
But she came home in a daze, stunned by the doctor's diagnosis. She found Conrad and Lavender upstairs, chatting as Lavender tried to bargain for another story. "When you're five, we'll talk about a later bedtime, but until then, that's now. Time to get into your pajamas." Conrad's attention turned when Heather shut the bedroom door behind her. "Hey! What did the doctor say?"
Heather sighed. "Well, I have a UTI. But that, the nausea, the fatigue...they have nothing to do with the spider bite."
Conrad's face fell. "What's up? You're okay...right?"
"I'm pregnant. About seven weeks."
She smiled as his expression flipped from concern to ecstatic joy. "Heather, that's incredible!"
Lavender glanced at her parents with confusion. "What's pregnen?"
"It means you're going to have a baby brother or sister."
Lavender still wasn't sure what they meant. "I have a brother awreddy. Can it be sister?"
"We don't choose, sweet girl."
"I hope it's a sister!"
After tucking Lavender into bed they settled onto the sofa for a comfortable night in, but their movie was interrupted when Heather's phone rang. She checked the call display before she connected the call. "Malcolm? What's going on? Is Ash there?"
The line was quiet for a long time. Too long, and Heather felt the phone start to shake in her hand. Finally, she heard Malcolm take a breath.
"Heather...I...It's...Ash is missing. H-he's been kidnapped." ->
<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 2.1 Summary
Gen 1 Start | Gen 1 Summary
NOTE: Sorry I buried the baby news, but I didn't have enough content to make a whole other post and I set myself another arbitrary deadline to get to a certain point in the story by a certain date. And Heather was supposed to learn she was pregnant later than this, but the mod-generated UTI sent her to the gynecologist and she/we found out earlier than planned. No offense to this very wanted baby but ASH IS MISSING!!
NOTE 2: @purplesimmer455 the way I couldn't react with the excitement I wanted to your meme share on Sunday knowing I paid homage to it in this very post ("What's pregnen?") and didn't want to give the truth away yet! 😅 Shout out to @matchalovertrait who also guessed this, and @changingplumbob who I think was thinking it when she asked why Ash's room had bunk beds. I made up a small fib about repurposing the tiny nursery space, but actually I still need it for the new nooboo!
NOTE 3: On one hand, it's very sad that Rico was culled when he's expecting a baby. On another hand, this is a setback on my likely-fruitless search for a five-star rating because now I have to train up a new tech! Tragic!!
WCIF Phone Poses: Unexpected Phone Call by @starrysimsie and Shocked News by @simmireen. I used @nataliaauditore-blog's iPhone 11 accessory in both poses.
#sims 4#sims 4 gameplay#sims 4 screenshots#sims 4 legacy#sims in bloom#ts4#ts4 gameplay#ts4 legacy#ts4 screenshots#sims 4 story#ts4 story#legacy challenge#sims legacy#ts4 legacy challenge#gen 2#brindleton bay
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Alright, it’s time I discuss Star Sapphire Bernard and why I think he would legitimately be a good fit for becoming a ring wearer (aka Blurri read a theory book on love and has a lot of feelings about Bernard Dowd and now the Star Sapphires could be written moving forward)
First let’s establish what makes a Star Sapphire chosen by the Star Sapphire Ring (bear in mind I am not a full expert and I understand that the Star Sapphire Corps have changed over time so I’ll try to be as up to date on their lore as possible). Star Sapphires are empowered by Love the way Green Lanterns are empowered by Willpower. They are typically portrayed as women scorned or someone who lost someone they love, and this event is what lead them to obtain their abilities, aka when the ring chose them and They chose to become a Star Sapphire, aka fight fear and hatred and give love.
However, It’s not exclusive to these events taking place the same way wearing a Star Sapphire ring isn’t exclusive to women, it’s just usually the case we see in most stories. This emphasis on choice is where I’m reminded of Bernard.
Bernard Dowd is someone who’s been hurt, both in a very literal, physical sense, as well as an emotional and spiritual one. Starting with the obvious Bernard was in a pain cult, where literal beatings were used to achieve “enlightenment” and so on, though for Bernard it was clearly something he felt he deserved, much like eventually becoming the cults sacrifice, which Tim fortunately intervened in. However, despite being rejected by his parents after coming to terms with not being straight and not having seen Tim in years, not to mention being deep in the cult that convinces him that beating will make the pain in his heart stop, he chooses to reconnect with Tim. And when freed from the cult’s sacrificial alter, he fights by Tim’s side to free not only himself from the cult but the others they indoctrinated.
Later we see this theme continue with Bernard talking about how he wouldn’t reject his parents if they decided to change their tune and treat him like their son again, even if it would be more than understandable for him not to. He chooses to see them as people who can change, and to love them despite the pain they’ve caused him, while still keeping his distance and not caving to their manipulation or demands. Bernard is someone who has been shown, in multiple ways, to already align with the Star Sapphire’s foundations of choosing to give love and fight against hatred - even when it would be the arguably easier option.
There’s also the fact that at this point there are currently no male Star Sapphires in their ranks, only male Lanterns who’ve briefly worn the ring. This would leave Bernard in a unique position as the only known male Star Sapphire, leaving for a new and interesting story to be told for DC. Bernard is also a character criticized at times for “only being a love interest” and being created as a supporting character to Tim, as was the case when he first debuted Pre-Rebirth. Turning that trope on its head by making Bernard a being literally giving super powers from the love he has, for Tim or otherwise, would be dope as hell imo, but that might just be me.
Love is sometimes defined as the choice to extend oneself to nurture another or your own spiritual growth (go read all about love by bell hooks for more on that). It is an action and a decision made the same as activating one’s willpower to achieve their goals. I think with this specification in mind we see how Bernard embodies this choice and how it could lead to him becoming a powerful member of the Star Sapphire Corps.
TLDR; Bernard is a character who is shown to already align with the core of what a Star Sapphire is (choosing love and gaining power from it) and it’d be cool if DC gave him a ring.
#long post#bernard dowd#star sapphire#tim drake#robin#timber#timbern#dc comics#tim drake robin#i just think it’d be neat#yapping
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idk if i've said it before but i loveloveloveeeee ur damian stuff omg. i had the silliest idea of damian slowly realizing that he was in love with the reader and caught himself doodling them on the corner of a homework assignment and he's adding a sappy caption like "my beloved" and adding his signature before he can stop himself.
DAMIAN WAYNE + CRUSHING.
note : this idea is SO FRRAKING CUTE !!!! i lowk didn't wanna write a whole imagine so i did something similar to what i did with bruce and CRUSHING HEADCANOND !!!! yes yes
damian isn't one to get a crush
crushes are for babies
and damian al ghul wayne is Nawt a baby
so why tf is he sitting in his ap physics class that his father paid for with his old money
doodling your name in the margin of his textbook
beside his stuff about newton's law
whatever that is 💀
his eyes widen at the sight of the scribbles, blacking out what looks like your first name with variations of his last name
what would sound better, wayne or al ghul ?
and below that there's his name, damian, scrawled with your surname
maybe he'd take yours
or mush them together in a double barrel
and oh look he's done that too, just to check how well they'd go together
his knuckles grow white as his grip on his pen tightens, and he knows he should scribble them out further, to better hide the evidence
but something's fluttering in his heart and he can't bring himself to do it
maybe he'll just tear the page out when he gets home and hide it at thr bottom of one of his various drawers, maybe even slide it within the pages of one of his books in there so it's sure to not get found
when damian had found himself thinking about his school friend more than usual
and i mean breakfast lunch and dinner
he just thought
oh we must be really good friends, they must mean a lot to me
but as he stares down at the sketch he's done of what he can see of your face at this angle on one of the desks before him
something hits him and he realises this isn't just friendly
you're his muse, the only thing that can take his mind off what's most important — and at the moment that's getting a good grade in ap physics
there's no way he can talk to any of his brothers about this, not stephanie or barb
duke might be more relenting
cass might be more understanding
even his father would be a stretch
he hasn't had much luck in the love department, what good would he be in this situation ?
perhaps... yes.. perhaps he should talk to alfred when he gets home
#aangelinakii#dc#dc comics#dc imagines#dc reactions#dc headcanons#dc universe#damian wayne#damian al ghul#damian wayne x reader#damian wayne imagines#damian wayne headcanon
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The Earring
We all want Mystra’s earring gone, don’t we? And we want Gale to see how loved he is. How much we adore and desire him… So what if we get him a new earring when we reach the city?
Gale x Reader (Second Person POV; no name, no pronouns, no body descriptions; one line mentions that Reader/ Tav is a druid, but it doesn’t affect the plot at all); established relationship, fluff, some suggestiveness, some making out, some implied/ mentioned sexual activities later, still SFW (Teen up?)
~ 2,5 k words
“I have something for you”, you said one evening while sliding next to Gale on the balcony of your suite at the Elfsong overlooking the busy streets of the Lower City.
“Oh. You do? For me? You shouldn’t have. I don’t have anything for you”, he said, eyes big and sincerely sad.
You smiled and gently shook your head.
“You give me everything of you every day, I don’t need anything from you apart from what you wouldn’t be already giving me”, you told him.
“Besides”, you added, “gifts can be given whenever the giver wants to and are not expected to be returned. That’s their simple nature.”
Gale sighed and laced his fingers with yours that rested on the balcony’s balustrade, thumb stroking pensively over yours.
“I don’t deserve you. I truly don’t. But if we are already talking about the debt I owe you, go ahead and show me what you have for me. What difference makes one more grace I can not repay?”
You rolled your eyes and sighed at your stubborn lover, you would make sure that he would someday, hopefully soon, understand that he was truly, utterly and unconditionally loved by you.
His heart and brilliant mind would someday truly understand that you loved him for him, for the man he was, for his optimism and hope, for his cheerfulness and kindness, for his patience and wit, for his sarcasm and knowledge, for his boldness and cockiness when he flirted with you, especially on the battlefield. Your insides still fluttered and churned as you remembered that day in the shadow cursed lands when his eyes bore into yours as he had admitted his desire for you in the most beautiful, most Gale-esque way possible. Namely by telling you that he had once read a book on the subject of battles as a catalyst for other forms of stimulation and then continuing on by asking you if you had ever read anything similar yourself and you had wanted to rip your clothes off just there and then and to just let him have his way with you.
Instead you had just groaned and told him that you could have written that book.
And oh how everything inside of you, everything that you were, your yearning body, mind and soul had been singing when he had told you that you were especially beautiful after a battle with blood, sweat and grime still sticking to your face and armor, that all of this ugly of your impossible endeavour only made him want you more.
Meaning that he wanted you on a regular basis, perhaps he even had for some time.
This had been the day that the little sproutling of hope that had grown in your heart and soul since you pulled him out of the portal every time he had smiled at you, every time you had felt his eyes on you, every time that his hand had brushed over yours by accident or fate that he maybe, maybe, maybe cared for you like you cared for him, that he maybe, maybe, maybe yearned for you in the dark like you did for him had bust open in irrevocable bloom. There was no turning away from your devotion to him now anymore, no trying to rationalise your feelings away anymore (that you had been exceptional bad at anyways since the day you met him), there was just Gale and you and the thrill of battles and a curse to lift and a cure to find and a cult to demolish.
But you knew you could do it all, you knew you could take on the world, because you knew he was watching, because you knew that you would be rewarded with one of his burning looks whenever you would turn to him.
And you loved him for all of that and so much more than just that.
You loved him for his love for Tara and cooking and good wine and poetry, you loved him for his love of his home, you loved him for his strong hands, broad shoulders and beautiful, shimmering eyes.
He would some day truly understand that you loved him for the curve of his lips and nose, for his silky hair that felt like the softest waterfall between your fingers, for the way he drove you mad when he tied half of his hair up into a bun with some loose strands framing his face so beautifully. You loved him for his meticulously kept beard that burned so deliciously on your face and thighs when he kissed you, you loved him for the fact that his tunic smelled like a library, dusty ink and knowledge of centuries, and him, orange blossoms, plum and cedar.
You loved him for his voice that was just like him, kind, patient and always subtly laced with the confidence of a man who knew what talents, knowledge and gifts he possessed.
You loved him for the way he had used that same voice to whisper the sweetest, dirtiest nothings and praises into your ear while his fingers had coaxed you open and wetness out of you, preparing you for more.
And it was the same, anchoring voice that had soothed you when you had broken down night after night overwhelmed by the shadow cursed lands and it’s endless, undead darkness that was gnawing at your soul.
He had held you close to his chest during one of these nights while he had conjured a firework of coloured lights that had turned the dull orange light of your camp into a whirlwind of light and joys that could rival the dance grounds of pixies in the feywild and had fought the shadows away from camp but most importantly away from your soul.
He had kissed your temples and the top of your head with whispered ‘I love you’s and ‘I am here, dearest’s’ splattered in between.
This was one of the few nights in the shadow cursed lands that the shadows had not found their way into your dreams.
He would some day understand that you loved him for him and that he was in no shape or form indebted to you.
If anything it was the other way around.
You owed him and his love so much, you owed him everything.
“Here”, you said and placed a small velvet coated box on the balcony’s balustrade.
Gale looked at the box for a second and then back to you.
You smiled and urged him on by pushing it a little closer towards him.
“Go on, open it. I promise it’s not a mimic!”, laughing at your own joke.
“Very well, my love, let’s see what you have there for me”, he flashed you one of his warm, adoring smiles that you would never get enough of and just for that smile had everything been worth it already.
You bit down on your lip to stop you from grinning too excitedly but you still rocked back and forth on the balls of your feet as you watched Gale closely as he undid the clasp on the box.
He breathed out, a barely audible oh escaped his lips as he careful took a look at what laid inside the box on a small moss green satin pillow.
He looked at you and you suddenly felt your confidence waning.
“It’s a selfish gift”, you admitted, “it’s a new earring for you! I don’t like it that you are still wearing… her… symbol after everything that happened, after everything she put you through, after everything she did to us”, you looked at him, pausing to see if Gale had anything to say, anything to counter, but he remained silent and waited patiently for you to continue, his face calm and eyes radiating warmth.
“I want you to have something from me instead, a piece of me and my love wherever you go. It’s my paw print as my wolf wild shape”, you quickly explained and pointed towards the silver pendant, Gale’s eyes followed your movements.
“The artificer scaled down the casting I took of my paw print in plaster and remade it in silver for you. And she engraved something for you, for us…”, Gale had been silent throughout your speech and took now gingerly the earring from it’s pillow and turned it around to read what had been engraved there.
I love you
“Touch the words”, you whispered.
And as he did they changed in a flick of gentle golden light.
I’ll come running if you need me
Gale has gotten somehow even more quiet than before, when he looked back at you.
You saw him swallow hard and his shoulders dropped, softening in the movement.
“Oh my love”, he eventually choked out. “Thank you! Whenever, wherever you need me, I’ll be there”, he promises and you smile gently at him.
“Of course you will. You always have. But I will be there, too. That’s what that means”, you tell him while pointing to the pendant.
“Call for me and I will come to you. It’s you and me for the rest of time now”, you softly assured him and reached out for his face as he smiled expectantly at you.
He met you halfway, leaning into your hand already welcoming your warm, gentle touch.
His hand was quick to press yours closer against his cheek, cradling your fingers with his.
“I love you, Gale! So much!”, your lips were brushing against his as you spoke and you felt his smile more than you saw it as he took it onto himself to close the remaining distance between the two of you.
“I love you, too, more than you will ever know”, he eventually told you as you part again, reluctantly and slowly.
“Can I put it on?”, Gale asked and you huffed.
“Why are you asking me? It’s yours now, do what you please with it. Tho I would very much like it if you wore it…”, you grinned.
“I suppose I got distracted by its beauty”, Gale shot you a burning look and you got the feeling that he perhaps was not talking about the earring anymore. You felt your grin widen without your doing and your cheeks getting warm, which could have been embarrassing but not with him. Not when he was the source of your joy and flushed cheeks.
“And I also can not fathom that it is mine now. Mine to carry. Mine to adore. Mine to worship. Mine to love for the rest of my life…”, another burning look, his gaze lingering on your eyes, only to flicker to your lips and back up to your eyes. The tiniest of his smug, clever smiles danced over his lips as he carefully removed his old earring and kept his eyes locked on you.
Now was he doing it on purpose!
You bit down on your lips and felt heat spread from your belly all over your chest and arms and up your neck into your cheeks and you could feel it also coil deliciously around itself deep inside you…
And Gale knew exactly what he was doing to you and he enjoyed it.
His eyes still burned into yours and his smile only got smugger, he was visibly proud of himself as he fastened his new earring securely into place and you fought down the urge the slam him into the nearest wall and to kiss him senselessly.
“So, do you like it?”, he asked, voice purposely cheerful and bright, a stark contrast to his eyes still fixed on only you with a searing intensity that you briefly wondered how he did that, how his gaze could burn into yours like that and still getting hotter by the minute.
“It’s perfect”, you managed to say, while you noticed that your breath must have gotten stuck in your throat.
This man and what he did to you…
“Just because of you”, Gale said lowly and leaned in to kiss your exposed neck and jaw.
One hand resting on your waist and the other gently craning your head sideways to get a better angle at your neck.
You felt him gently nip and pull on the sensitive skin there and your hands fluttered into his hair and around his shoulders, only wanting him closer. And not caring that your companions were splattered over the rooms attached to the balcony.
“I may not have a gift for you in return but let me show you my gratitude in another way…”, he murmured against your neck, his beard tickling and scratching over your skin with each syllable and you laughed, your hand still tangled in his hair and the other arm wrapped around him.
You laughed at the sensation, you laughed at the absurdity of the whole situation, how much insane luck or an abundance of fate had been necessary for the two of you to meet and to fall in love?
You laughed because you felt alive and loved and happy. Despite the horrors you had witnessed and committed and would surely have to see and do more of in the near future.
Happy because of Gale!
Because of the love you had found.
You were bursting with happiness because your lover loved you too and life was beautiful with him in your arms.
“What?”, Gale asked, carefully, playfully smiling at your outburst of joy. Your joy was his and his was yours. Your happiness was contagious!
“I just love you very much”, you answered him as your laughter calmed down and a wide grin with sparkling eyes remained on your face.
“And I am very glad to have pulled you out of that stone. And”, you made a little pause for the dramatic effect. “I say we have to get rid of our friends there and then do I want to receive your full gratitude please…”
Gale looked at you like you often found yourself looking at him – like he could scarcely believe what he saw with his own eyes, like he could scarcely believe that you had chosen him.
But he believed his eyes and luck and his hand on your waits gently squeezed you and his eyes burned once again into yours.
You would never get enough of that look in his eyes, or him for that matter.
“Consider it done!”
You giggled, you just could not help yourself and stole a kiss from him.
One that he freely gave. And another. And another.
And Mystra’s star laid forgotten on the balustrade and glittered in the sun.
Which caught the attention of a magpie that was passing by in its flight and considered the glittering thing a valuable addition to its collection.
So the magpie took the star with it to its nest, where it now lays between other discarded and quite worthless jewellery, silver goblets and trinkets, colorful glass marbles and eggshells and sticks and downy feathers and bird droppings.
#gale x reader#gale x tav#gale dekarios#gale of waterdeep#bg3 fanfiction#gale fanfic#bg3#bg3 gale#gale bg3#druid tav#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate 3#baldur’s gate 3 fanfiction#reader insert
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Do you by any chance have any tips n tricks on making aus + stories fleshed out and more coherent? This can also be answered in Reblogs idrm 🙏🙏
AU & STORYWRITING TIPS AND TRICKS
You have released me from my cage and I have unleashed a word dump below the cut. This isn't really organized at all and I did jump back and forth between sections but I hope at least some of it helps.
Since I don't really know the specifics about your AU, I'll use some shows, books, or even sometimes my own AUs as examples but you should be able to take what I said and apply it to your stories.
(Note from future mod after writing this guide. I also ended up spontaneously making new AUs because of this. That was not meant to happen.)
This will also be tagged under #collision questions! If you want to reblog with some notes of your own go right ahead!
It's important to figure out how canon divergent your AU is and how that impacts your characters.
Think about your overall AU concept!
Like, let's say you have an AU that diverges off one point of canon. Everything up until this event is the same. Then something changes, something happens differently. For these kinds of AUs, I'd definitely recommend reviewing and analyzing the original source a lot!! Especially the events taking place after your changed plot point!!
Understand the importance of that event in canon and how it may have impacted events afterwards. Take the episode The Sign from Bluey for example. Also SPOILERS FOR THE SIGN!! Let's say, Winton's dad and the Terrier's mom had never gotten together. This would mean that since Winton's dad would not be moving in to live with the Terrier's, he would have no need to sell his house. And since he isn't selling his house, the sheepdogs wouldn't have changed their minds about buying Bluey's house. Bluey and Bingo would have ended up moving to a new city, as a opposed to canon where they ended up staying. If you've seen The Sign, you'll know there's way more examples of this cause and effect than what I just listed.
Or another example, let's say in Sonic Prime, Shadow didn't use the emerald when Sonic shattered the paradox prism. This leaves Sonic on his own without Shadow's help. Now think about scenes where in canon, Shadow was there to help Sonic. Now take Shadow away. What might have happened in that scene? How will Sonic handle the situation without Shadow? Take creative liberties! Because Shadow isn't there, the story may take a completely different turn. The story SHOULD take a completely different turn. Things that happened in the show, may not have even happened at all here as a result. Things that happened in the show, may be impossible to occur in this world as well! I don't have specific examples because I haven't watched the show in a while but man do I want to turn this into a real AU now. What have you done to me this was supposed to be a random example I came up with just a few minutes ago. Anywho, moving on! Sonic's character in this world would also be different as a result of his experiences and how he had to adapt to the situation differently.
Alternatively, your AU isn't canon divergent. Let's say it takes place in a world completely different from canon. A world with different rules and norms can affect and change how the characters experiences as they grow up. For some reason I have been thinking about Shadow a lot so let's say we have a world where Sonic and Shadow grew up together on ARK. They knew each other from day one and don't have a reason to distrust each other. Consider how something like that would affect their dynamic, personality, etc. Because they grew up together, consider how for example, SA2 would be changed.
This can apply to AUs where its Sonic characters but in the world of a different fandom. Like a Lilo and Stitch sonic AU or Percy Jackson AU. Consider how the Sonic characters interact with this world. Try not to rely on too much on how the actual characters of that world interacted within that world because here's the thing. Sonic is not Percy. Sonic would not act the exact way Percy would in a situation because they are different characters. The AU covers the main beats of the original story but it will not follow the exacts events word for word. If you're planning on writing a fic for an AU like this, please please please don't just like yoink the script and exchange character names for Sonic ones because there's really nothing new being added and that's what makes these stories interesting. Same thing for role swaps!! They may have changed roles but do not give them the exact same dialogue as the original. Characters have different personalities and speaking patterns after all. Take the overall message of the dialogue and reword it to better fit the character who's saying it.
So about characterization
Maybe you have an idea of x character doing something, and that something may seem out of character for them, but maybe that action is really important to the story or you just really want it to happen. Here's what you do: have the steps you take to get to the out-of-character event, be in-character. Have the reasoning for the actions be in-character.
An example with an AU of my own but I'm not giving specifics due to spoiler reasons. There is a character who canonically, is loyal to a fault. Their loyalty to their friends and family is both their greatest strength and weakness. But my AU features this same character, betraying their friends and family. They're fighting on the wrong side, sabotaging their friends. So as you can see, very out of character.
That AU started around just the concept of that character betraying everyone. Now since loyalty is a vital part of their character, I need to take that into consideration when figuring out how to get the canon character to become the AU character.
This character is loyal to their loved ones. So, I put their loved ones at risk. This character's parents and baby sibling are held captive by the enemy. They must help the enemy otherwise their parents are at risk. This is why they betray their friends and share information with the enemy.
So pretty much, an out of character action will have in character reasoning. What will this character do to get to this point? How do their actions get them to his point? And maybe, all that happens before the main events of your AU and that's why your AU character is different.
Writing stories
Speaking of characters doing one thing to get from point a to point b, that's pretty much how writing a stories go. At this point I've been writing for over an hour so I might not dive too deep into this.
First think of. What is the status quo? What's usually normal in this world? Then. What happens that causes a change in that normality. And there's your beginning of the story.
Again, think about how the characters will react to this change? What do they do next because of it? What is something they want? What is something they need? What do they do next to get it? And what do they do if an obstacle appears in their way.
If you know the climax or any events in the middle, just think of what you can do to guide this character so they can get where they need to be for these events. Then what does the character do to get out of the situation?
As for the ending. You can establish a new status quo. What's going on now in the world after all the adventures they've gone on? What's your stories message? What do you want readers to take out of it as they reach the end?
Miscellaneous bullet points
Sketch!! Do a lot of little doodles of character designs or scenes to help get the ideas flowing!! Don't feel obligated to post these online, draw what you want for you
What if? A lot of AU ideas can come from asking what if x happened? Maybe there's a point in a game where something you were hoping to happen, didn't. Well, what if it did?
Use a notebook!! Sometimes, it's better to take a break from the screen and get all your thoughts down traditionally and break them down in a way you just can't in Google docs. Try making a mind map. Start with one idea and branch out from there.
Review the source material!! Get an understanding of the characters and their world and why they act that way
You can write scenes out of order! Then when incorporating it all together into a main storyline, just think of what the character did to get from this point to the next.
Save deleted scenes!! Keep them in a separate document. There's always a chance you can use them for something else later
Keep readers engaged by raising questions within the story and not answering them until later. Say Sonic gets hit by a spell but don't say the exact effects just yet. Have Sonic slowly notice them himself. But he doesn't realize what's wrong. The readers will be curious to what exactly happened to Sonic and if it can be fixed. When a question is answered, raise another one. Sonic and friends learn about the spell and luckily! There's a cure! Unluckily, they have a time limit. Will they make it in time?
Create an outline, but don't stick strictly to it. This what I usually do. I let my thoughts run wild as I piece together what happens in the story. It's messy and chaotic. I'll show you an example of my outlines if you go over to my main blog. Then I use the outline to guide me as I write, looking at it every so often but not 100% following it. There will be times as I write that I deviate completely from the outline, adding or changing different scenes because it just makes more sense for the story. The outline is a guide of suggestions, not an instructive manual.
Hope at least some of that made sense and provided some help!! If you've got more AU specific questions feel free to ask here!
If you want more on story writing or you want a look at my story outlines, I'd like to direct you on over to my main blog @starzdeath
#writing#writing advice#au advice#writer tips#sonic the hedgehog#sonic au#the answers#anon#collision questions
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He Won’t Say I Love You
⋆⋅☆⋅⋆
Osamu Dazai – “Don’t Die Before Me”
Dazai doesn’t say “I love you.”
Dazai’s way of loving is contradictory, elusive, and impossible to pin down. His words are always laced with meaning, but never in the way you’d expect—because he does not speak plainly, not about things that matter. Love is a game to most, but to him, it is a ghost—something he has studied, something he understands deeply, yet something that has always evaded him.
That’s why he won’t say he loves you.
Because love, in its purest form, has never been kind to him. He knows love from the pages of books, from the way poets drown themselves in it, from the way people call it devotion but mean self-destruction. And Dazai is a master of self-destruction.
So instead, he turns love into something abstract. Something for you to decipher, something for you to chase, if you’re willing.
He flirts without effort, spins sweet words with a poet’s cadence, smiles like he’s already figured you out. But if you pay attention, you’ll notice the gaps—the empty spaces between his words, the careful distance he keeps no matter how close he leans. The way he offers everything and nothing at the same time.
He won’t say he loves you.
But you’ll hear it in the way he remembers things he shouldn’t—the way your voice sounds when you’re tired, the exact time the streetlights in your neighborhood flicker on. You’ll see it in the way he steals your pen but always returns it, tucked next to a note written in his elegant, half-mocking script.
You’ll feel it in the way his fingers brush against your wrist just long enough to make you wonder if it was intentional.
You’ll notice it in the way he never lies to you. Not because he is kind, not because he trusts you, but because if you saw through him, if you recognized what he really is, he wonders if you would stay anyway.
He won’t say he loves you.
But if you do leave, if you choose to walk away, he will not chase you. He will not beg, will not plead. He will laugh it off, throw some teasing remark over his shoulder, and turn the page as if you were just another fleeting story in his collection.
But late at night, when the city is quiet and the ghosts press in too closely, he will still pour two cups of tea.
“Don’t die before me.”
That’s what he really means.
────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────
Chuuya Nakahara – “You already know, don’t you?”
He won’t say he loves you.
Not because he doesn’t want to—he does, more than he’d ever admit—but because love, real love, isn’t something spoken. It’s something you prove.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he proves it in the way he always walks on the outside of the sidewalk, shielding you from passing cars. In the way he places a hand on the small of your back, guiding you through a crowd, steady, present. In the way he always remembers your favorite drink and orders it without asking, as if knowing your preferences is as natural to him as breathing.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he loves like a storm—fierce, untamed, all-consuming. But around you, that fire softens into something warm, something safe.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he will roll his eyes when you forget your scarf but wrap his around you without a second thought. He will complain about your reckless habits but pull you into his arms the second you stumble. He will grumble that you’re a handful, that you make his life harder, but his hands will never let you go.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he loves with his entire being. He will hold you like you’re something precious, something irreplaceable, like he’s terrified that one wrong move will shatter the moment. He will kiss you like it’s a promise, like he’s memorizing the way you fit against him in case fate decides to be cruel.
He won’t say he loves you.
But if you are hurt—if you so much as wince in pain, if you ever cry in front of him— he will carry the weight of it himself. He will fight with his teeth bared, his fists clenched, his body a shield between you and the world. Because no one gets to hurt what’s his.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he will never ask you to stay. Not because he doesn’t want you to—but because he wants you to choose him, freely, without hesitation. He doesn’t need declarations, doesn’t need grand confessions—he just needs to know that when he reaches for you, you will be there.
He won’t say he loves you.
But when he stands beside you in a room, offering his hand with a smirk that softens only for you, it’s there in the way he holds you.
He won’t say he loves you.
But when he sleeps better with you tucked beside him, when his hand finds yours even in dreamless nights, when he fights like hell to keep you safe, it’s there in the way he chooses you. Every time.
“You already know, don’t you?”
That’s what he really means.
────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────
Ryunosuke Akutagawa – “Don’t die before I can protect you properly.”
He won’t say he loves you.
Not because he doesn’t feel it, but because love is foreign to him, something distant and unreachable, like the stars above the slums he grew up in. It is something delicate, something soft, something he was never meant to hold in his own hands.
He won’t say he loves you.
Because love, to him, has always been synonymous with loss. Everything he has ever cared for has been taken, ripped from his grasp before he even had a chance to understand it. So why would this be any different?
He won’t say he loves you.
But you’ll feel it in the way he teaches you how to fight, how he watches your every movement, memorizing the rhythm of your steps as if preparing to shield you before you even fall. You’ll see it in the way Rashomon hovers near you, shifting subtly, positioning itself between you and danger like an unspoken vow.
He won’t say he loves you.
But when you speak, he listens—truly listens, in a way he never does with anyone else. He absorbs your words like they are gospel, lets them settle deep in his chest, turns them over in his mind long after you’re gone.
He won’t say he loves you.
But if you are hurt—if someone dares to lay a hand on you, if you ever bleed because of another, his rage will be instant, merciless. Not because he is angry, but because the sight of you in pain is unbearable in a way he doesn’t have the language to explain.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he will stand beside you in silence, his presence unwavering, his eyes dark with something unspoken. He will never call you strong, but he will only ever respect those who are, and you are the only one he allows close.
He won’t say he loves you.
But if you ever left, he would never stop looking for you. He would never say your name out loud, but it would echo in his mind like an unfinished sentence, like a prayer whispered too late.
“Don’t die before I can protect you properly.”
That’s what he really means.
────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────
Fyodor Dostoevsky – “You amuse me.”
He won’t say he loves you.
Because love, to him, is a human weakness. A flaw. A crack in the foundation of something that should be unshakable. Love clouds judgment, warps perspective, turns the brilliant into fools—and Fyodor Dostoevsky is no fool.
He won’t say he loves you.
But you are an exception. A variable he did not account for. A contradiction he cannot solve. And that interests him.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he will watch you—not with longing, not with sentimentality, but with the gaze of a man who is used to understanding everything, and yet, somehow, does not understand you. He studies you the way he studies a chessboard, as if you are a piece that does not belong, a move he did not anticipate.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he will never lie to you. Not because he is kind, not because he respects you, but because there is no need to deceive something he already considers his.
He won’t say he loves you.
But his touch, when it comes, is deliberate. He brushes his fingers against yours as he hands you a teacup, lingers just long enough for the contact to mean something—but not long enough for you to be sure. He never calls you by your name when he can call you something softer, something more intimate, something that makes it feel like you are special, even when you know you shouldn’t be.
He won’t say he loves you.
But his affection is in the silences, in the spaces between words, in the moments when he allows you to stand close when he would never tolerate another. He lets you speak your mind, even when he already knows what you will say. He allows you to question him, because he enjoys watching you try to unravel something that cannot be unraveled.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he lets you live. And that, more than anything, should terrify you.
“You amuse me.”
That’s what he really means.
────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────
Sigma – “Tell me I’m real.”
He won’t say he loves you.
Not because he doesn’t want to, but because he doesn’t know if he’s allowed to. He is a man who did not exist until recently, a being with no past, no childhood, no proof that he belongs in this world at all.
He won’t say he loves you.
Because to love means to claim something as your own, and he is still unsure if he is allowed to claim anything. He does not know what he is, where he came from, or what fate has planned for him—but he knows you.
He won’t say he loves you.
But you’ll feel it in the way he always makes sure your favorite things are stocked in the casino, even if you never ask. In the way his hands hesitate before pulling away, as if he wants to hold on just a little longer but fears what it might mean.
He won’t say he loves you.
But you are the only thing that makes him feel real. The only proof he has that he exists as something more than a placeholder in a story someone else wrote.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he will memorize your schedule, not out of control, but out of a quiet longing to be part of your world. He will watch you from the corner of his eye, wondering if he can be someone worth staying for.
He won’t say he loves you.
But when you leave a room, he waits an extra second before breathing again, as if your presence alone steadies him.
He won’t say he loves you.
But if you ever tried to leave for good, he would not beg you to stay. Not because he doesn’t want to—but because he fears that if you go, he will forget what it felt like to be wanted at all.
“Tell me I’m real.”
That’s what he really means.
────────── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──────────
Nikolai Gogol – “You’re the only one who makes me stay.”
He won’t say he loves you.
Because love is a chain, and chains were meant to be broken. Love is something that binds, tethers, shackles—and he has spent his whole life cutting himself free.
He won’t say he loves you.
But he lingers longer than he should, just close enough for you to wonder if he means to stay. He calls you his little trick, his favorite act, his most entertaining performance—but the way he watches you when you aren’t looking? That’s not an act.
He won’t say he loves you.
But you’ll feel it in the way his chaos never quite touches you. In the way his games are never at your expense, the way he teases but never cuts too deep, the way he pretends to be fickle but always, always finds his way back to you.
He won’t say he loves you.
But when he speaks of freedom—his one obsession, the thing that drives him, the only thing he has ever truly wanted—you notice he never includes you in the things he wants to leave behind.
He won’t say he loves you.
But if you ever tried to run, he would let you. He would laugh, twirl his cane, bow like a gentleman as if bidding farewell to a fleeting amusement. But if you watched closely—if you really knew him—you would notice the hesitation, the half-second of stillness, as if something inside of him had just unraveled.
He won’t say he loves you.
But if you ever truly disappeared, he would burn the world down looking for you, laughing all the while, like it was all just another game.
“You’re the only one who makes me stay.”
That’s what he really means.
#bsd#bsd dazai#bsd nikolai#bsd sigma#bsd x reader#bsd akutagawa#bsd chuuya#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs x reader#bungo stray dogs x you#bungo stray dogs chuuya#bungo stray dogs akutagawa#bungo stray dogs sigma#bungo stray dogs fyodor#bungo stray dogs dazai#bungo stray dogs nikolai
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OKAY, I AM MASSIVE HYPOCRITE
I have taken time to re-think the new Fulgrim look, I've done a massive 360° onto the other side of the coin. And I fuck hard with his new look...
IN FACT
I think they should have cracked him out, EVEN MORE. They should have pushed the pedal, even more. We should be looking at him like 'dawg how are you alive ? And why are you twitching so much ??'
Do I low-key miss some elements of his heresy demon form ? Yeah. I loved the snake and lizard-esquec scales, the ribbon corset on his back, and the whole maximalist, eccentric and ornate styling of the model.
However, with his new 40k model, they really have thought about and said what happens to an individual who has access to all forms of desire, pleasure, culture, art, invention, fashion, emotions and craft?? Has been left to overindulgence in his own desires unchecked and unregulated?? And further douse himself in his own personal preconceived, perfectionism???
I know, I know. I was publicly to tweaking about the model but the endless potentials that I now have come to be enlightened to, are overwhelming.
Really truly? I should have just looked at Angron's current model, and realised Fulgrim was about to be almost types of Deamon evolution.
I'm So Fucking excited for the new book. I really Want to see what he's going to do next? And how he's going to fit in the current imperium. Because I don't know if it's me being uneducated and really truly only being into 40K little less than a year, but I don't know how Fulgrim is going to fit into the current narrative.
Like I get Angron, Mortarion, and Magnus. The first 2 literally hated their father, everything he's ever done or created, disliking or even hating their brothers and even both their contentment for humanity. Angron being an almost feral blinded beast and Mortarion being 99% with Nurgle but that 1% being the perpetuate awareness of what he's done and the potential wrath of his father. Magnus has a lot going on, before, during ans after everything, but I understand his goals as to why he may sometimes attack the imperium or humankind (it's just hard to simplify).
But current Deamon Fulgrim ? Genuinely all I can see is that he's doing it for the love of the game. Like this mf is just wanting to fuck with everyone for the sake of fucking with everyone.
I'm so excited to see what happens next
(I need friends to talk about this with. I might need to join a discord or something) (or talk to a therapist)
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Darry Curtis was always gay- the musical just makes it more obvious.
I know it was never Hinton’s INTENTION for any of her characters to be perceived as queer, she claims she didn’t write them that way, and that’s fine. In fact, I think reading The Outsiders as a group of straight men who have the bonds they do is actually a really great critique of toxic masculinity, in that we would see the contrast between their interactions one on one or alone with the group, compared to their macho, hyper masculine personas they showcase in public. HOWEVER, I think it’s incredibly hard to read it that way because Hinton accidentally and completely unintentionally made Darry Curtis one of the gayest characters in modern literature. It’s not far fetched. It’s not a stretch. I’m saying that if you have even a surface level understanding of subtext that it is obvious. Darry’s queerness is as open in the novel as he is in his life- that is, it’s never said explicitly, but it’s VERY easy to see the signs. In fact, the way it’s threaded into the narrative but very talked around leads me to believe that even though Darry wasn’t out, it might have been an open secret within the gang- or at the very least they probably had some suspicions.
For one, in the book Darry is never mentioned even once to have had a girlfriend, or even to have gone on dates, but we know he was popular and well liked. You can’t convince me that a handsome, popular football player, whose peers liked him enough to vote him Boy of The Year, didn’t have more than a few girls interested in him, but Pony’s narration never even alludes to Darry having been interested in one. For all he talks up Darry’s achievements, the scholarship he won, the future he could have had and everything he gave up, women/a girlfriend were never a part of it- which, given the time period and Darry’s reliance on hyper masculine social scripts, seems highly uncharacteristic unless there was a plausible explanation for his complete disinterest (ie. being gay). Now, examine this hyper masculinity a little further, and you can see it for what it is, a) a defence mechanism (because it separates him from stereotypes of what a gay men are like, so if he’s ‘manly’ enough no one will ever suspect or discover what he is) and b) the unfortunate complete opposite of that. Just like how hyper femininity characteristic to femme lesbians is off putting to men, the same is true to some degree about hyper masculine men being somewhat off putting to women. Not to the same degree, and probably not as obviously, but Darry’s over the top masculinity might be the one thing effective in keeping (some) women away for reasons they can’t quite put their finger on. Point is, Darry was never a ladies man, to a degree that is very not heterosexual, especially for the time period.
So, now that we’ve established Darry’s complete disinterest in dating women, his hypermasculine personality and it’s possible implications, let’s turn to other textual support for his queerness: his relationships with other male characters. I’m not talking about the gang- his interactions with all of them are very friendly/familial- but he has a bond with Tim Shepard that is clear on the page but left largely unexplained (their weird eye contact and high mutual respect, the fact Tim was at their house once with no explanation), and his homoerotic run in/fight with Paul at the rumble. Both these relationships have plausible deniability- they’re not explicitly gay, but they’re also not NOT gay. Again, Hinton didn’t intentionally make Darry gay, but he very much is, and as far as closeted gay characters go, he’s a fairly well written one, because the subtext is very much THERE if you know what you’re looking for, but the queerness of his interactions is shrouded in this very real this COULD mean nothing characteristic of a lot of closeted queer interactions.
Having said all this, I think the musical making Darry and Paul’s fight (somehow) even more charged and homoerotic than it is in the book was a wise choice, because a lot of the rest of the subtext was changed/missing from the musical adaptation. I’ve seen the ritfr analysis looking at the lyrics as they relate to Darry’s queerness, and I do think they follow the veiled/subtextual theme, but I don’t think they’re as explicitly gay as they’re touted to be. However, I do think the musical does a good job of highlighting Darry’s queerness given the medium they’re working with, and the actors do an amazing job portraying it without saying it outright, making it more obvious than it is on the page- but Darry was canonically gay in the book too, and let’s not pretend otherwise.
(Lmk if you want to see my analysis of the other Curtis’ queerness as it related to the book + musical).
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Hey! Would you be willing to write a fic or head cannon on how Ruhn would react to being mated to someone who is the complete opposite of him? Like maybe she is introverted and enjoys reading on the weekends instead of partying or something? If not that's okay! Hope you have a great day!
Opposites Attract
Ruhn x reader
Notes: I am 100% the opposite of Ruhn and will always be the friend that picks staying home over going out. Books over bars am i right guys
Warnings: none
The two of you met by chance. You hadn’t been paying attention while walking to work and bumped into Ruhn
He caught you when you tripped over your feet and then you apologized a million times. The moment your eyes locked the bond was instant. “I thought it was a myth.” Ruhn whispered. From there you took things slow even though the two of you fell hard for each other
You liked hanging out at your place better than Ruhn’s
It’s not that you didn’t like the frat house, you were just more comfortable in your own space
You liked staying home anyway. Everything you need is there
Ruhn didn’t mind staying at your place. He would cook you dinner, cuddle and watch movies without interruption
As your relationship progressed Ruhn was happy he could feel your comfort and happiness down the bond
It wasn’t like people didn’t know about you. You hadn’t been on double dates with Hunt and Bryce. Been to dinner with his friends and all that
But there was a part of Ruhn that felt like he was disappointing you
“Are you sure you don’t want to go out tonight?” Ruhn asked while you cuddled on your couch. “Yeah,” your eyes never leaving the TV. “If you want to go out please, don’t let me stop you.” Tilting your head back you smile at your mate
Ruhn turned off the TV, sitting up to face you. “Y/n be honest with me. Do you not like being with me?” The sadness in his voice broke your heart. Cupping his cheeks you shake your head. “Not at all baby, no. Ruhn how could you think that?” Ruhn lets out a shaky breath. “You never want to go out. And we never go to my place, why?” You hug him tight. “It has never been because of you. I just get anxious in new spaces and I don’t like partying. I’d much rather be here with you.”
After that conversation Ruhn became more understanding with you liking your space
Ruhn is a tad bit clingy but you love it
He’s always torn between going out and staying with you. How could he possible leave his beautiful mate at home?!
While he goes out you like your alone time. You chat with your friends, read, or watch TV
The first time Ruhn came home from a boys night he stumbled into your house very, very drunk
It was kinda cute because he was so happy to see you
“My love! My mate, the light of my life, I missed you!” He flops on the bed next to you, staring at you with big eyes. “My friends aren’t as fun as you,” he whispered, making you giggle. Ruhn pulls you to his chest letting out a hum. “I feel much better now. My heart hurt without you.”
You started going more places with Ruhn, trying to get comfortable with the attention that came with being the crown prince’s mate
When you didn’t like a place Ruhn was very understanding about it
You weren’t a huge fan of bars or anything like that. It’s not that you didn’t see the appeal, it just isn’t for you
You eventually grew to being comfortable at Ruhn’s place, even staying the night
Staying for parties at the frat house was also something you grew to be comfortable with. Especially when Ruhn made it clear that his bedroom was your room too
He absolutely did not give 2 shits about how clean his room was until he met you
The first time you came over to spend the night at his place Ruhn was running around like a mad man to make it look like grown-ups lived here
Ruhn was def shoving all loose items in his closet (the only neat thing being his made bed) until Dec came to check on him
“Heyyy buddy, you good?” “NO! PLEASE help me, i have too much shit.”
Whenever you’re feeling tired or just done with the party you always sneak away to Ruhn’s room
He’s never far behind you
You get about 10 min of alone time before Ruhn comes in ready to cuddle
When he comes up drunk he’s adorable
“Bbaayyyybbyyyyyy, i missed you.” He flops on the bed, pulling his clothes off and snuggles into you before falling asleep
You def read while holding him
Drunk Ruhn can fall asleep with the lights on for sure
When he comes up not drunk he just dotes on you
If the music and crowd were too much he’s very gentle with you, rubbing your back and pressing kisses to your forehead while whispering sweet nothings
#crescent city#crescent city fanfiction#crescent city x reader#crescent city headcanon#ruhn fluff#ruhn crescent city#crescent city ruhn#prince ruhn#ruhn headcanon#ruhn danaan x reader#ruhn x reader#ruhn x you#ruhn danaan#ruhn danaan x you#prince ruhn danaan
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